#it really fucking sucks to realize it was actually super obvious what was happening to you and no one did anything

[fireemblems24]

Scarlet Blaze Ch 11

Sorry this is taking forever, but here's ch 11.

MAIN STORY

Oh, shit, do we have to fight Gilbert next? AND ANNETTE? This suuukkkkks. It especially sucks since you know they didn't have a choice but to risk their lives just defending themselves.

Annette is so precious. Fuck. I don't want to fight her.

Gilbert being a good daddy though 😭😭😭😭

At least CF was entertaining. SB is a giant snoozefest where I have to kill all my favorites.

Man, they all sound like psychopaths. They're all super excited to go kill people who are just defending themselves. Even Dorothea's only worried about marriage.

MAP/SIDE STUFF

Shez just said that everyone who gets killed in the war "is standing in our way." Imagine comparing self-defense to "getting in our way." Yikes for that characterization compared to how concerned GW!Shez is about Claude's aggressive decisions.

Lamo, Mercedes is like wtf am I doing here fighting the Kingdom and Annie? 

Aww, Marianne (and Dorothea) are like the only two who realize they're fighting other people and not just being all murder happy like the rest. 

Dimitri just got put on par with Holst and Caspars dad by Balthis, kind of, unofficially best Kingdom warrior? 

We're addressing the Ferdinand and Hubert subplot again. Which is good. It's by far the most interesting part of SB. Though, it's just a repeat of what we've seen from it before.

Ok, they're adding some different stuff which is interesting. Bringing up that even if Fredie's dad tried to retire and stay out of Edelgard's way, that he would still have to die because of what he symbolizes. Hubert and Ferdinand disagree on whether people like Mr. Aegir can get a second chance (as in, can you when you've become a symbol).

This is especially interesting to me in regards to what happens to Rhea, Dimitri, and Claude if they surrender to Edelgard and become her puppets. Basically, Hubert is saying that, no matter what, they'd have to die because anyone who would rebel would use (fill in here) as a symbol of their resistance. Claude may be the sole exception here because he can scoot off to Almyra, but it's very obvious that Rhea and Dimitri (and their staunch allies) are fighting for their lives, because even if we're generous and say Edelgard would spare them and give them life worth living (i.e. not locked up), Hubert would most certainly have them assassinated.

Which also brings up another point. People always talk about how it's wrong/bad for Dimitri to try and spare Edelgard at the end of AM because what kind of life would she live? But always praise Edelgard for trying to spare Rhea towards the end of CF but no one - not a single soul - asks what kind of life would Rhea live? I gotta make my own post about that.

SB is really gonna be - kill yo dad, the route. Ironic since I played this the day after Father's Day.

I have to fight Sylvain 😭

SHEZ & MANUELA A SUPPORT

Manuela is flirting with Shez lol. He said he liked her voice and she pushed him with like "is that all" until he talked about her looks lamo

Aww, Shez actually likes her hungover side. Saying he likes warrior her, singer her, healer her, and drunk her. That's kinda cute, actually

Shez said that he can't keep his eyes off her. Laying it on a bit thick. And said she's more attractive now than she was younger haha.

Yeah, Shez, I have no idea how she was supposed to see that in any other way lol.

HUBERT & LYSITHEA B SUPPORT

Hubert finds Lysithea studying at night and teases her about ghosts. She runs away.

The Imperial Army is a bunch of children who don't want to eat their veggies. This is 100% cannon. Hubert orders guards to sneak them into soups for the soldiers actually get their veggies. I cannot. (though, imagine the privilege, Faerghus could never)

Lysithea freaks out because she ate veggies.

Veggies are legitimately delicious though. I don't know what the Imperial Army's problem is.

EDELGARD & MONICA A SUPPORT

Guys, I'm so excited. A Monica support. I wonder what she'll talk about.

Monica counts how many times Edelgard worried about her and invited her to tea. I just . . . no.

This support was pure cringe.

I love how "Kingdom bad" because they're willing to die to defend their homes, family, friends, and everything and anything else they've loved from invaders, but Monica is to be admired because she's oh so loyal to Edelgard that even in when Edelgard leaves her for dead, it's a happy moment for Monica because it helps Edelgard's cause. Like . . . double standard much?

PETRA & CONSTANCE C SUPPORT

Constance is something else. She confronts Petra because Petra's dad invaded and it led to the demise of Constance's everything.

I enjoy supports that address conflict, but girl, that was not Petra's fault. Don't take it out on her.

Oh, good, she's not. She recognizes that Petra's people suffered, and that neither of them were involved, so there's no bad blood.

Then she hahahas and leaves. Lamo, this made me love Constance.

Petra doesn't get a chance to say she agrees and seeks out Constance, but finds her in the sunlight, and needlessly to say, is very confused.

MAIN BATTLE

Hubert and Edelgard just said submit or die.

Wow, Linhardt is like I wish the nobles would think about all the people who they're forcing to fight. The lack of self-awareness is astounding.

Ferdinand can join the "lack of self-awareness club" for acting like it's the Kingdom causing the violence.

Baron Dominic opened the gate, risking his defenses to rescue soldiers. Hubert judged him. But we're supposedly the good guys. I swear the writing goes out of it's way to make the Kingdom look good.

Fuck. I have to fight Gustave :( He dead :( Poor Annette.

FUCK. Now I have to fight Annette.

Fuck this route. Ingrid, Rodrigue, Gustave, and now Annette - all dead.

Even Baron Dominic's death is making me sad. None of the Empire generals get this kind of humanization when they die lol.

Edelgard and Hubert sound insane. Edelgard's acting like their deaths were inevitable because of their lineage (when they would've been just fine if not for her actions), and Hubert's like he's happy to die so it doesn't matter. What a bunch of looney tunes.

Edelgard just said whoever wins gets to decide what's right. I mean, victors do write the history but yikes at the implications.

So deep - "we're up against the world itself." Sounds like a teenage edge-lord wrote this lamo.

We got crusher. Joy. Did they pry it out of Annette's dead hands?

Oh, joy, more backtracking. Revolts in the Empire. I thought we were out of the backtracking era and into kill every Blue Lion era.

xxxx

[i-can-not-art]

Oc lore dump I’m writing in the morning because a moot made me realize I haven’t lore dumped about spirit chase really before, anyways:

(This is basically all the lore that takes place before the actual story, I’ll cover the actual story later, maybe)

So Spirit Chase takes place on earth where the god of chaos and god of order teamed up to make a bunch of stuff. This was their first collaboration because they don’t really like each other for obvious reasons.

The god of order made all the like functions of nature that were constant like math, gravity, momentum, all those lame things. The god of chaos made all the freaky animals and their consciences and a lot of cosmetic stuff.

Oh and also the two gods made humans together, chaos made the like wild ape part of us and order made the thinky part of us.

But the god of chaos saw how order was taking over mostly and make most of the stuff so they decided to get silly and make something outside of their agreement. A wish spirit.

The wish spirit is uhhhh basically just a shooting star that is perpetually at the bottom of this ocean, it’s weird ik. But it could grant any wish a person wanted and bling blang boom some stupid animal found it and made a wish.

The animal’s wish was to have human intelligence, but be separate from the humans. And since the wish spirit is just a pure form of chaos’s magic, it granted that wish in a chaotic way.

It created the race spirits, basically just yougai, humanoid-ish (usually) animals, idk it’s hard to explain this in English.

And some time later, god of order found out of spirits and this the wish spirit and they got so pissed they made this place, heaven, and took some humans and messed them up a bit to make angles.

The angles were basically this race that order has complete control over. The angles are literally just a project order made out of spite essentially.

And now because of the angles’ and spirits’ origins, the two races aren’t too fond of each other. Mix that with a LOT of time and the angels’ population staying pretty stagnant, but the humans and spirits growing in population real fast and now there’s a war!

This war was called the centuries war because it… well lasted several centuries. During the war order had to crank up their production of angels a lot because of casualties and stuff, but they also gave some angels very concentrated amounts of magic to like roid them up and now angels are basically super humans with wings.

Uhhhh, skipping to the end of the war, order and chaos finally decide they’ve watched their creations die and kill the planet enough and make a peace treaty. But tensions between angels and spirits (+humans on either order or chaos’s side) still sucked so the gods just trapped each race in their respective areas, angels in heavens and spirits on earth.

After, the gods watched the planet in peace, but with nothing that exciting happening, they were both kinda like “wanna fuck with em’?” And they started giving out blessings to people they deemed either worthy or just entertaining (guess which god valued which requirement more).

The blessings could do a variety of stuff, but they usually gave the user powers. Otherwise it was usually something mundane like better luck or a hot face.

Orders’s blessings gave powers the user had to manually activate and had a set way they work. For example, fire, the user would have to manually create the fire and no matter what they could only make fire that worked like normal campfire fire.

Chaos’s blessings gave powers that the user just always had active or would activate when it felt like it. And the way it functions could change depending on the situation. For example, arms growing out of you whenever your anxious or something, sometimes they were tangible or not, sometimes they were your skin color, sometimes not, sometimes they were human sometimes not, etc.

And yeah the series is called Spirit Chase because the characters are trying to find the wish spirit because they’re my OCs so obviously their lives suck. There’s more to the story as it goes on, but that’s the way it starts.

[blindrapture]

WEDNESDAY JUNE 15TH, 2011 ("How are human minds biggest")

12:53 AM She’ll be here any minute now.

2:30 AM Kay, so she’s.. running a little late. I’m probably in for way worse pain, then.

5:14 AM ..fuck it, I’m going to sleep.

2:49 PM I dreamt of Donnie. She was walking in space. Like, walking… in space. Not on anything. Just walking. And then a door appeared. It opened for her, but I couldn’t see what was on the other end. I could just see the intense light reflecting off her beautiful face. The light was intense enough to burn her gorgeous face off. Then I was there. And she turned to look at me, without a face. And then Donnie was the slender man. Then I woke up!

3:04 PM Taking a walk to the seaside. Those are always fun.

3:56 PM Nothing’s here. I can see, like… dolphins or some other big fish out there in the far distance. But that’s it. ..wait. Music is playing from somewhere. Rolling thunder, crashing waves Present climax, start in caves How are human minds biggest When nothing does not exist? …that’s pretty weird. I just.. I mean. I’m going home.

4:33 PM ..on the way back, I got to thinking about the whole Bones mystery. I was thinking about how really odd it was that he’d come across an ocean just to buy us a super-oven from Brazil. But then I realized he didn’t buy it for us. He just showed us the receipt. He lampshaded it. The oven’s important somehow. Where’d Donnie put that receipt?

5:02 PM Found it. Yeah, sold to the restaurant down the street for an obscenely high number, the B(razilian)-4000k. That’s four-thousand-thousand. …wait, no! That’s not. “Four-thousand-thousand.” That doesn’t make sense! xD What else could “4000k” mean?

5:04 PM …I’ve got it. Four-thousand degrees Kelvin. So why would Bones give us the receipt, why would he lampshade a really hot oven? ..why would he even be here? No, Jordan. Don’t worry about that one yet. This is the motherfucking Rapture. Or apocalypse. Whatever. Anything could happen, including Bones appearing out of nowhere. Remember Ben being a tarantula in your car? Good point, well made. So, why would Bones point out an oven that can burn things at up to 4000 degrees Kelvin? Well, Bones likes to say funny-but-helpful things. Bones was always a pro at helping. He’d help out immensely in Guitar Hero, and he paid for a lot of drinks when we hung out, ‘cause I was poor. Bones is just a very helpful dude. So maybe he’s trying to help here? Maybe he’s pointing out the oven exists because I need to burn something. …this is going to be almost impossible. But then again, they said the same about “Through the Fire and Flames.” They said the same about “Satch Boogie.” They said the same about “Visions.” They said the same about “Heroes of our Time!” But was any of that? No. In fact, I think I’m going to solve this problem the exact same way I solved those problems.

10:40 PM Okay. I’m about as ready as I can get without the actually important parts of my plan in place. Now I just need to wait.

11:00 PM ..huh, there’s my black jacket. Now if only I could find my trilby and scarf.

11:11 PM I wish I’d be able to do my plan already oh my god.

11:38 PM Okay, better idea. I’m going to the marketplace.

(Attached: “I’ve turned back to the drink. This’ll get me through the rest of my story. We released Summer Sucks at a weird point in all of our lives. I don’t know the specifics for everyone else, but my parents couldn’t look at each other anymore, like they both knew something inevitable was gonna happen that they didn’t want to see. Looking back, it was obvious, but at the time I just took it as further excuse to misbehave. But there was something about that album, I think it was while recording ‘Pig Bruiser,’ and Elsie came over and smacked my drumsticks out right from my hands. She yelled at me, asked me what my problem was, why I didn’t take the band seriously enough. At the time, I put on my self-righteous smug look and tuned her right out, but even at the time I felt somehow that she was bringing up something I didn’t want to confront. I acted all aloof to her face, but when the time came for my next take, I played as passionately as I could, and now that song’s one of our fan favourites. Right, so my father. It was a suicide, death by drowning. He left no note, only these notebooks. The last page reads 'The greedy eagle runs not in society but in psychology, and it is infectious. May Queen Sea give me more than life ever did.’ The doctors all said it was a chemical imbalance, that there’s nothing we really could have done to save him. My mother changed that day, and I’ve never seen her leave the house since. She listens to our music. She’s one of the only reasons I still play.”)

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[mdhwrites]

So... What’s Wrong With Stringbean?

So first I’m just going to say I think their design is cute and that the palisman itself did nothing wrong. There’s nothing wrong with loving them because they’re just a little guy. But I’ve been seeing people talk about Stringbean being too special or clearly just special because it’s the main character’s palisman and I think people will bring up one argument about it when the problem is, well... EVERYTHING. In aggregate. About Stringbean. The short version of this is that she is indeed every animal and clearly stronger than ANY other palisman we’ve ever seen but the flipside of that coin is that it’s also the palisman with the least of the user’s will inside of them and has consistently been at least warping if not breaking the rules of Palisman every time she gets brought up. All of this is what causes them to feel like a Mary Sue moment for Luz. To go into each element individually: Has a bunch of special powers: This one is the easy and obvious one which is why so many people are bringing it up but it is valid to ask: Why is Stringbean SO POWERFUL? Why is her magic just incredible from go? My response would be... You know the show you’re watching, right? Asking why any bit of magic is strong is a lost cause, especially while we still have no idea what dictates Luz’s glyphs and those already let her become literally one of the strongest witches in the Isles without training. This is nothing new, just kind of a flashy display of it. What is the source of its power?:

The Bat Queen makes it out that the strength of palisman and user is conviction. The way your personal life’s goal speaks to and empowers the Palisman. This should mean the more emotion, determination and purpose you put into the palisman, either when carved or when accepted, the more power there should be there. And this doesn’t need to be a super specific goal. Willow’s is effectively “To be able to defend my friends,” but that’s still actionable, one Willow can work towards herself and clear of purpose. Luz literally didn’t even choose her palisman’s form. She had such little conviction in what it would be that she let it choose. Yes, it’s meant to be sweet and nice but like... Can Palisman grow? If someone else carved an egg but also had firm purpose, would it hatch immediately? These are objects as much as they are living beings, they’re literally made of wood, so what exactly are the rules of going “Fuck it, my Palisman ISN’T ALIVE YET?” And then there’s her conviction which... It’s summoned by a statement about the importance of her. I have been lit on fire for this but here me out: Luz says that all she has ever wanted was to be understood. This is the statement that summons Stringbean. It raises PLENTY of questions as to do with what the fuck people have shown her throughout the series but that’s not really the point when talking about Stringbean. The point with Stringbean is... How is the Palisman supposed to help? It is a goal that explicitly as stated, can only be achieved through external validation. Yes, you CAN read into it being about internal validation but the framing of the moment, part of it being Luz realizing Camila is also a nerd, the fact that it happens right after Camila takes back literally the one time she has ever ‘judged’ (Luz accidentally assaulted people with snakes. At that point Camila was actually being a good mom by saying “Maybe something needs to change.”) her daughter for her actions and interests, all speaks to it being about external validation and especially validation from her mother. What sort of goal is that? How is Stringbean supposed to help? What would ever happen to Luz if she actually felt understood? And why does that cause Stringbean to be so powerful? It also sucks allegorically.

“I want to be understood!” This sort of goal and character revelation normally comes with the dropping of masks and a firmness in who you are. This is because to be understood, one needs to actually SEE the real you. You have to be open and honest. You have to be yourself or that which people understand will only be a facsimile of you. And they made it A: A snake, a creature who is usually related to deception, lies, venom, subterfuge (which seeing what Luz has been doing for the last like five episodes...) and B: A FUCKING SHAPESHIFTER. I shouldn’t even have to explain that one. I should just be able to point at that, point at her goal and go “WHAT!?” And again, this is what led to her getting so much more power than anyone else with a palisman has had. One that is more special. Literally the only aspect of Stringbean that works is... It feels like something Luz made. But also she explicitly didn’t make it. Which makes how much it seems like something Luz would made honestly worse. It fits her like a glove, despite her having put in close to no effort to try and make it fit. Despite her rejecting putting a piece of herself in it and leaving it to decide what it would be on its own while trapped in an egg. It is the facsimile of compassion. Instead of bringing to life a companion from inert wood who you hold dear and have a deep bond with, she says something that sounds sweet before leaving it in the dark and just waiting for when it’s ready to help her. Ready to ‘get’ her enough to work with her as it’s portrayed. In other words, it sucks. But the Palisman never did anything wrong. Instead, it was the writers and Luz continuously kicking it down the line until they can pull something out of their ass. It doesn’t matter if it actually makes sense for the character’s arc, or the lore of the show or even in relation to other examples of it. It just kept getting told to incubate until finally it was time for it to do what the plot demanded and to further validate a character who no one was questioning. And that’s why Stringbean is bad.

[boysplanetrecaps]

Boys Planet, Episode 7 Recap Part 5: Feel Special

Ok, well, I know some of you were waiting for this recap of the trainees’ cover of Feel Special by Twice… Here it is! Warning: I spend a few paragraphs talking about why I love the original song so much. But you can skip that if you’re not interested. 

I watched this whole segment before I started writing this recap, and honestly, I’m not so psyched to talk about it. It was just kind of a bummer. Part of it is because I love the original song, like, a lot. A lot a lot.

Just give me a minute here to gush about Feel Special, or if you don’t care, go ahead and skip the next few paragraphs. 

Both the lyrics and the video for Feel Special tell the story of how the friendship between the girls gives them strength to overcome the way the public views them. Jihyo is being “watched” by TVs, possibly representing how she’s in the public eye (maybe for dating someone?). Nayeon is in this cold, hard room all by herself, in this beautiful but uncomfortable outfit, maybe symbolizing the weight and coldness of being so popular. Momo feels “too big” and out of place. Jeongyeon is all alone and doubting herself. Sana feels abandoned, out in the rain, maybe a reference to when the Korean population turned on her for something innocuous she did. Mina is a sort of ice princess in an alien forest, Chaeyoung is this super modern chick in a lonely modern dome, and Tzuyu feels like just a doll.  (Dahyun is fine. Dahyun doesn’t have a problem.) 

And what happens? They SEE each other. They connect. Jihyo and Nayeon see each other. Mina and Chae rescue each other. Momo and Tzuyu find each other. Dahyun saves Sana. And Jeongyeon sees herself in a new light, as someone who can have friends after all.

This look that Chae gives Mina -- I tear up every time. If you know that Mina had just taken some time off for extreme anxiety, and if you know that this look is real, genuine look that Chae was really giving Mina -- it’s beyond touching. I never saw Chae look like that before or since in a Twice video.

So the song gives me all the feels. It also sort of reminds me of the time toward the beginning of my current relationship when I realized that someone might actually really love me and how amazing that was, like a fucking miracle. So yeah, I tear up pretty much every time I hear this song. I don’t want to lose that, you know? I like tearing up every time I hear it. It’s a happy kind of tears. I know it’s a dumb kpop song but it’s not a dumb kpop song to me. 

Because of that, I don’t want to spend too long on this performance because I don’t want to ruin the song for myself. Ok. Let’s do this. 

As a reminder, our special feelers are: 

Trainee name (rank)   Star Level test /Challenge 1 /age final star level

Cha Woong Ki (25) Bloom Bloom /Very Nice - K/ 20 ⭐⭐

Zhang Shuai Bo (36) Reveal /Back Door - G/ 21 ⭐

Lee Dong Gun (48) Criminal /Hot Sauce - K / 17 ⭐⭐

Cai Jin Xin (50) Reveal /Hot Sauce - G/ 19 🚫

When we first saw them in episode 6, they were looking at each other like this, and Cai Jin Xin was saying, “I love our team,” and we were all excited for it! But a shadow loomed on the horizon, as no one seemed to want to take on a big vocal part.

So, we pick up with the team at rehearsal with the judges. 

And Zhang Shuai Bo, who up until this segment I’ve liked for no real reason, is being a passive aggressive sulky child. He’s half-assing the choreo in a really, really obvious way and pouting. 

I do not like this. 

Look, I fight so hard to not be swayed by MNET editing, but I don’t know how MNET editing could create this impression falsely. Maybe other trainees are also doing this and MNET isn’t showing it, but I can only judge what I see. If you’re unhappy, Z-Bo, then do something about it or suck it up. This passive aggressive “quiet quitting” thing ain’t it. 

I loved that Solji just stopped the rehearsal.

And then we’re reminded that this is apparently Z-Bo’s favorite song, which just makes all of this even worse. You chose this song for the wrong reasons, that’s on you, bud. But shouldn’t it be at least kind of fun performing your favorite song, no matter what? Man, if I had a chance to do a semi-pro cover of like, Automatic by Red Velvet, or The Eve by Exo, or Feel Special by Twice, with someone to teach me the choreo and let me sing it to people who are excited to be my audience? I mean, scary, but fun! 

I just keep thinking about Xuan Hao, the initially white haired center of the G-trainees’ Burn It Up team, the one who fucking werked that pink feather boa during the prank bit? You might also remember the way he collapsed into his chair to cry after his whole team was eliminated, and how MNET then dangled salvation in front of him only to let him know that he’d come in 54th.

I know that Xuan Hao would absolutely, positively, never have acted like this. If he had this opportunity, he’d make the most of it. So would've Kim Min Seoung, the super talented, backflipping member of Back Door who MNET ignored completely. Or Han Seo Bin, Park JiHoo’s partner in crime. Or Park Min Seok, the WakeOne trainee who showed his true mettle as the leader of the benighted leftovers team who did Danger. Or Park Gwan Young, who showed us his surprisingly good vocals in Burn it Up. Or determined Chen Yu Geng, or my duckie Ouju, or General Gunwook’s sergeants Jang Yeo Jun and Han Yu Seop, or genuine Hong Keon Hee, or unlucky Hyo, or good-natured Ichika, or five or ten others I could name. I am not necessarily saying that every single one of these trainees is more talented or more “deserving” of a spot on this show than Z-Bo is, but I am saying that from what we have seen of them, not one of them would half ass his choreo in front of the judges just to make a whiney point about how his part is too hard. 

They start over, and when they're done, the psycho judge tells them, “we’re fucked. This is humiliation. Letting you go up on stage like this will be a humiliation for you guys, me, and Boys Planet.”

Weirdly, this is the first time I think I’ve ever seen this judge just say what was on his mind in a genuine, almost vulnerable way. He doesn’t look like he’s specifically trying to make them feel bad -- I think he almost doesn’t care about them at this point. I think he is actually thinking about his job responsibilities and how he’s going to have to get some wheels turning to make sure that their performance can even be aired. In other words, he’s annoyed at them because they are going to cause extra work for him. That’s just my take.

Solji does have a specific, useful piece of feedback, which is that they aren’t supposed to just be doing a straight up cover -- they’re supposed to be putting their own spin on it and showing their own charms. But, as Woongki interviews, they haven’t made any of their own choreo because no one on the team knows how to, and, presumably, because the group leader hasn’t pushed them to do it.

Cai Jin Xin wears the L sticker on his shirt, but other than that, I see no evidence that he’s the leader. Woongki is the one giving pep talks and doing most of the work. He also isn’t really complaining about it in his interviews. 

That’s not to say that CJX is being a terrible teammate. You can see that he’s invested in doing his best. Also, he’s providing free translation service for Z-Bo, who, unlike, say, 15 year old Takuto, has apparently not learned a word of Korean this whole time. 

Side note on that: Languages are hard, and some of us are worse at them than others, and we can’t possibly all be fluent in all languages. But I’ve traveled a lot and been to places where I know only a few words in the local language, and most of the time, people just are glad I tried to say a few words. Just a hello in Khmer or Thai or Greek before switching to English, and I'm rewarded with huge smiles. That’s all most people want -- just to know that you give a shit enough to try. It would seem so different if Z-Bo were just trying a little. Most of the other trainees are learning some Korean, even just an extremely basic pigeon Korean that is probably mostly nouns and unconjugated verbs. Cong speaks in one-word and two-word sentences a lot, and he's mostly understood. Many of the foreign trainees took the time to memorize a Korean speech for the elimination ceremony. Others spoke in their native language but added a Korean phrase or two, like a kamsamnida. What I'm saying is, it doesn’t make Z-Bo a bad person that he hasn’t learned Korean, but it makes him stand out as uniquely unwilling to try.

Anyway, back to CJX. You can tell he’s trying to do his best on the song, but he just feels lost. Same with Lee Dong Gun, who is completely willing to sing, just not really… able. 

But Z-Bo can't sing the song in the high key, and when the team tries transposing the song down, he barely tries to find the note he'd have to sing. It really seems obvious that he just doesn’t want to do it. It’s really not a good look. Again, I am trying so hard to look for how this could just be editing, but I can’t see any way it could be. 

Woongki ends up stepping up to not only choreograph the whole piece, but also sing the hardest part that Z-Bo can't, or won't, sing.

Later on that night, Z-Bo is hanging out with CJX in their dorm room, and they're talking to each other in Chinese. (That’s fine, by the way. I’d probably revert to my native language when I was alone with someone who spoke it.) But he’s using the opportunity to speak Chinese to say things that maybe he doesn’t want people to hear him saying.

First, Z-Bo refers to Woongki by aiming his foot toward the bed Woongki sleeps in and saying “he”, rather than calling him by his name. That’s what you do when you don’t know someone’s name. Look, maybe I’m wrong and maybe the translations are misleading or something, but if he doesn’t know Woongki’s name at this point, that’s fucked up. And to point with your foot? I think that's rude in any culture, but I think it's even worse in Asian cultures. I might be wrong.

Then Z-Bo says, “If things don’t work out, the production team will help us out for sure. They won’t let the four of us stand on stage staring into space.”  I have no way to know whether or not that’s true, but to express that thought out loud shows a depth of entitlement that I have no wish to plumb. I mean, he is probably tired and all that, but this wasn’t just a stray thought with no precedent in his other behavior -- this is the apex of everything he’s said and done recently. Somehow both a depth and an apex, I guess. 

A few days later at dress rehearsal, the judges are aigoo-ing most of their vocals and general ineptitude. When they’re done, Master Lee, who often delivers the best and most well deserved smack downs on this show, says,

“I’m curious. As you practice, don’t you realize, ‘we’re not good enough’ and think it through?... What do you do at those times? Think ‘time will resolve it,’ is that it? Or think, ‘since the camera only captures the major parts, we’ll just skip through these,’ is that it? Is that what you’re thinking? The Star Creators will be coming and the whole world will be watching you. If you’re not prepared, don’t you get nervous? Even if we give you solutions to the problem, would they get fixed?” 

Then after their feedback, Z-Bo rants to CJX in Chinese, inches away from Woongki and Dongyeol and just counting on them not to understand him. He says, “This was to be expected. He (and he points to Woongki) didn’t tell us what the choreography was about and we never agreed to it.” You can SEE him pointing. I don’t know how else to interpret this. 

And MNET comes through with the receipts, running a clip to show Woongki explaining the meaning of the song and choreography. Hoo boy. I guess that Z-Bo might just not have understood, but I assume that CJX would have translated. 

By the way, I’m not blaming CJX here. I’ve been in his shoes -- a popular person wanted to gossip with me about someone and I didn’t really know what to do. When someone like that wanted to gossip with me, I felt like, CHOSEN, you know? They’re telling ME this stuff, so they must like me. I’m on the inner circle now! They like me better than the person they’re talking about! Of course, since then, I’ve learned that (a) if I agree with anything they say, they’re likely to go tell that person that I said bad things about them (b) if they’re talking shit about them to me, they’re also talking shit about me to them, 100% of the time.

So, nowadays I know what to do -- I say, in a really pleasant voice, “I can totally understand how you’d feel that way, but I like [person] and don’t really want to talk about them when they’re not around. Let’s talk about [topic] instead.” Usually they say something defensive, like “I wasn’t gossiping” or something, and I let them off the hook, saying, “of course not, everyone talks about everyone sometimes, it’s normal, don’t worry,” and then plunge into the new topic. Sometimes if it’s someone I don’t know well, I pretend that it was my New Year’s Resolution to not gossip. Like, I blame it on myself that I don’t want to participate -- not that there’s anything wrong with them, it’s me who is being the weirdo. 

So yeah, I’m not blaming CJX. He seems a bit uncomfortable with Z-Bo’s comments and we never see him adding anything. He just doesn’t know how to get out of the situation he’s in. 

Anyway. 

True to Z-Bo’s prediction, production does in fact step in a little, giving them an extra vocal lesson with Master Lee and an extra dance practice with LipJ. You get the sense that these appointments were definitely not originally scheduled -- they’re held in weird small rooms we’ve never seen before or since.

Meanwhile, poor Woongki interviews that his ranks have been dropping the whole time, from 10 down to 34 at the most recent announcement, and he’s worried. “If this doesn’t work out this is the end for me.” Surely not, Woongki. Awww. 

I also feel sorry for Lee Dong Gun, who is only 17 and is actually a decent dancer. He’s just not much of a singer, poor kid.

So we go to the performance. 

That link is actually to Woongki’s fan cam. 

My take: 

Donggun’s dancing didn’t fit the style of the choreo-- he overdanced almost every step. But bless him, he was trying.

CJX didn’t do so well, but I know he was really, really, trying too. 

Z-Bo sang kind of decently, though it was kind of unpleasantly shouty, and he had a great smile and flirty interactions with the audience. I didn’t necessarily get the sense he was trying his hardest, though.

Cha Woongki was the Jihyo, Nayeon, Dahyeon, and Sana of this performance, put together. He was also the Mina, Momo, Chaeyeong, Jeongyeon, and Tzuyu. He truly carried the team.

The editing

The editing was pretty kind. The reactions were mostly pretty good, and they didn’t zero in on small mistakes. The weak and often incorrect dancing was mostly hidden by the camera angles. 

By the way, what is with cutting to Seo Won constantly during this whole segment? Are Seo Won and Woongki besties and I missed it? Do people ship them or something because they’re both a little bit effeminate (which is dumb)? What did I miss?

The voting

The boys go to sit on the folding chairs of doom, and we find out that Z-Bo has won the fan vote with 703 votes. Most of the trainees are completely shocked, because they all expected Woongki to get it, but Woongki is a pro and rolls with it. 

Look at everyone in the background looking at each other in disbelief. That’s formerly blue haired Park Hanbin top left, doing that incredulous smiling thing he does. There’s Jay in the center, and Limousine’s Park Jihoo on the right, and Lee SeungHwan 🍑 and Bak Doha behind Jihoo. Everyone is shocked -- it’s not a K versus G thing, it’s universal. 

But Woongki manages to smile and clap. He has been a complete pro this whole time, though. He has not had a single negative word to say about Z-Bo in the confessional -- I am sure that if he’d said it, they would have used it. But he must know that Z-Bo views him with contempt. I feel certain that he picked up on it when Z-Bo would talk shit about him in Chinese just inches away. You really can feel that. It’s hard to explain, but you just know. So he almost certainly knows exactly what Z-Bo thinks of him, and he is smiling and applauding because he’s a fucking pro. 

I know that Z-Bo might have “evil edited.” I really am trying to imagine how this could have been misconstrued, but in the end I think that this wasn’t evil editing. I think it was honest-to-goodness shitty behavior. And it is extremely galling that Z-Bo won the fan vote over Woongki. 

I was talking about this with my fella, you know, the one who makes me feel special, and he said that he’s been where Z-Bo is. I guess we all have been. You know, when you’re really good at something in your personal circle, and then you go from your small pond to a big ocean and suddenly no one cares about your special talent. You can feel so lost that it changes your whole personality. And I get that, I do. I’ve been there too. But when I was like that, I was being an asshole. I see it now, and I regret it, and I’m glad that I’m more in tune with myself now where I can catch myself feeling envious or overshadowed and just give myself some time away to process. 

So, it's a human thing, and not always a sign that someone is an irredeemable jerkwad. Maybe he’s a hopelessly entitled, privileged pretty boy actively sabotaging his team out of laziness and selfishness, as he seems to be. Or maybe he’s not really that bad, and within a few weeks or months he’ll snap out of it and apologize to Woongki and strive to do better going forward. I don’t know, and neither do you.

One thing we do know is that Woongki doesn’t want us to go after Z-Bo or anyone else on his team. Look at the message he left on his fancam video (this is google translate).

In case you can’t read the comment, Woongki basically is saying that he really loves the song Feel Special by Twice-sunbaenim, and that he feels that the Star Creators are the ones who make him feel special. He then says that his whole team -- and he names them all -- worked hard, and asks you to please support the entire team and vote for them. 

So, whether Z-Bo is an entitled jerk or just a guy who is feeling scared and out of his league, let’s follow Woongki’s lead and be polite, right, fam? No death threats or anything -- we can all agree on that! I’m sure my readers already know, though. 

AAAAAAnd with that, we have finished this one! 

If you need a palette cleanser, here is a video of Exo's Kai and Twice's Momo dancing together. Yes, this is a youtube video of a tiktok being posted on tumblr. Enjoy it. 

Or go on to the next one -- "Not Spring, Love, or Cherry Blossoms."

[fostersffff]

*sidles over* so.....heard you got upset over ZTD......I'm something of a ZTD hater myself....idk if you have the mental RAM to really get into it rn considering your current projects but I'd love to hear you complain about it at length

So, granted, it's been... seven years (!!!) since I played it, so I don't remember every minor detail, but I can absolutely talk at length about The Fucking Stupid Thing That Fucking Sucks And Makes (Almost) Everything Bad In Retrospect

(big dumb spoilers for ZTD beneath the break)

Of the (admittedly few) VNs I've read, nothing has deflated me harder than getting to the Transporter Room. 999 did a really good job of building up to the idea of morphogenetic fields, and VLR then took that concept and slowly ramped up the "power level" with shifting, so the player could accept greater feats of psuedoscientific nonsense. But that was the universe, and the suspension of disbelief held.

Then, in a single fucking gameplay segment, Uchikoshi went "oh yeah ayylmaos are real and they left an Actual Time Machine that works in the exact specific way that I need for the plot to happen the way I want it to". It cheapened basically everything else that happened afterwards, too! Like, Sigma and Diana realizing Phi is their daughter should be an emotional megaton, and it felt like that at the time, but there something gnawing at me that has since widened out into a cavern because the way they got there was so unbelievably convoluted and unearned.

Delta also sucks in a way that is... kind of what I was expecting? Living up to the hype from VLR was always going to be a long-shot, but then he actually gets lamer as time goes on. On the subject of "shit not being introduced", he gets a set of powers that is effectively parallel to shifting called MIND HACKING because there's literally no other way that he could manipulate the events of the game into happening the way they needed to, so he just got a set of powers that could manipulate the events of the game into happening the way he needed to.

Another thing that jumps out at me is that 80% of how Mira was handled was actually Really Fucking Good, but the last 20% sucks so hard it, again, almost invalidates all of it. Smoking hot uninterested super babe dating The Biggest Loser On Earth who seems (to the player) like she's just there to have big titties for the player to look at is then revealed to be a violent serial killer who can only feel when she's murdering, which is the actual reason she's so uninterested and "dating" the loser is so she can murder him later. But then it turns out (checking the wiki real quick to refresh my memory) that one of her first victims was the loser's mom, which actually tied into everything else that ever happened in the series. And then they have the audacity to throw in the happy epilogue where they're like "BABE WE'RE MARRIED NOW AND WE'RE GONNA GO USE THE (fucking) AYYLMAO TRANSPORTER TO CURE YOU OF YOUR BRAIN PROBLEMS". Not everyone needs to have a happily ever after ending!

Carlos sucks too, but in a benign way for the most part? Like, he's there because they needed three people on a team, and he's a Main Character Man, and that's about it. It's very funny that the Grand Finale is him pointing a gun at Delta, like this has been his story all along, when it should probably be Akane beating him to death.

Also, the last and most obvious thing, the "style" of ZTD was always an annoying point, because even though the character artwork is gorgeous, they instead decided that they had to use some of the stiffest looking 3D models "to appeal to Americans" or something (even though the American fanbase evidently was cool with character portraits considering they bought 999 and VLR in the first place), made worse by the fact that it's originally a 3DS game, so even uprezzing doesn't help all that much.

I think that's all I can remember, but seriously: more than anything else, fuck that Ayylmao Transporter.

[hyunjinspark]

hi!! im rereading slwy because im super normal and have a very healthy attachment to it, and i'm just noticing small details that i missed the first time i read it. at first i only saw the connection between yn's arrangement of the blue and purple paints and the balloons on chap 12, but now i noticed things like how hyunjin was carrying a purple bag the very first time yn saw him, the purple hair clip he wore, the blue star yn drew on his cheek and how the heart on her cheek was purple, then the balloons on chapter 12....... i feel insane

also i wanna mention - i love ur writing in general, but i just have to talk about the double date. ur writing is really extremely immersive - the way hyunjin was not "supposed" to pay attention to yn at all, but there were subtle moments where it was so clear that she was always on the back of his mind. i don't really know how to explain it, because you made it so subtle. like, it was clear he was intrigued by her, but it could very well be just her wishful thinking, but it wasnt, but it could be, but i know it wasnt ?!?!?,!!? you get me ?,!?!,!? the only real confirmation we get that he was very much thinking ab her is when he buys her the whole damn menu, but thats like by the end of the date, so when it happens it feels like he was being so successful in hiding his interest in her, but he slipped up bad on that one and made it obvious. so yeah, extremely immersive and i was very impressed while reading it again

and man, i already knew hana sucked, but rereading has made me realize shes legit fucking awful. idek if shes aware of how bad of a friend she is, idk if she does it on purpose but at the end of the day i guess that doesn't really matter, she still sucks ass

i used to think felix was worse, because he's more outwardly toxic, but that's what makes hana that much more of a bitch. she belittles yn in so many moments but its so quick you almost miss it, she crosses every single boundary my good sister tries to set and i KNOW she isnt even that cute alright yn just blindly likes her too much

okay thats it sorry for rambling i have a hard time writing words that make sense

have a lovely lovely day you you talented soul i'll miss you until you blow my notifications up again

🩸

hiii. i love this so much, and i love you ! this made me laugh, and ive had a very stressful day so thank you 🥺☹️

you noticed all the colors, it makes me so happy because i love putting little details like that, even if they go unnoticed but just for myself, and the story.

thank you for loving the double date that was actually hard to write because i did not want hyunjin to come off as someone (rude?) for not being interested in hana or not being sweet to her, but i also wanted to push the initial attraction he has for yn. looking back, it was one of my favorite “tensions” to write and the fact that you think this way makes me very proud, thank you! i definitely wanted to leave it up, because he is intrigued by yn but we’re also seeing things from yns perspective so it can be skewed.

felix and hana can be “toxic” in different ways. for lix, it almost always stems from hyunjin, but for hana, her behaviour is the same regardless of the situation, so yeah its about picking the lesser evil 😳

you made sense, dont worry, and you made me so happy with this message.

[girinma]

i've been lazy with posting this but finished two books on my last boat trip so my thoughts on Kraken by China Miéville and Under Ground by Megan Marsnik.

Kraken

another jacob geller recc and my least favorite of the 3 i've read. Museum specimen collection boy Billy gets his giant squid stolen and enters a world of urban fantasy. It's a fun romp though really good worldbuilding but the central plot ultimately falls flat. 7/10

I don’t understand where breaks between paragraphs are. The scene won’t change nor will the POV character. Why is there a blank line. It feels like it was a web serial and these were breaks from that but if so why maintain them in the print version? Also there will be an indent for dialogue when both lines are by the same person. Why????

Also while I liked the realism of the dialogue it was sometimes difficult to read because of the way things were written as if someone literally said them combined with the accents. Sorry for being anglophobic.

Under Ground

I don’t understand how this book came to a Charleston used book thing when it is so Minnesota regional? A mystery. Anyway it's the 1910s, Katya leaves Slovenia because her parents die and she moves in with her aunt and uncle in Minnesota. but uh oh! the iron mines fucking suck so the miners are going to go on strike. surely the management will be willing to negotiate. right? it's based on an actual strike which is neat. 6/10

In general it's very easy to read and reminded me of grapes of wrath. This is obviously not an Author Author so I cut her slack but there are multiple points where you can tell she’s basically recounting a real thing because it does not fully mesh with the narrative sections. Forrest Gump esque scenes.

I would have appreciated a map of Minnesota because I ain’t been there but also I don’t know how this book escaped Minnesota so ?

For a book about unions, it was Not Socialist Enough. I wanted more vitriol. It tries to paint a happy ending at the end but I think it should be more call to action. “These people will kill you and nothing will ever happen and they keep getting away with it.”

Loved the focus on women, very good. Yes comment on the unpaid household labor the girlies are doing so their husband can work twelve hours in the mine. A shift that long and in that time period? Couldn’t survive without a woman doing everything else in your life.

Boardinghouse is such a good setting. It had a great cast of characters and was very natural to have everyone around. I know they were real but I think it worked really well for the story.

I’ve realized I’m pretentious and don’t really like historical fiction. Like yeah I’ll read it but if I want to read a book set in the past I’ll just read a book from the time period…

Overall it was fine. Not super memorable but it was obviously a passion project so yay Megan happy you finished it and got published :)

AND spoilers under the cut as usual

KRAKEN

The ending is… I don’t know. I like it in some ways and not in others. It did a good job calling back to the beginning and I think it’s very funny to bring The Christian God into this polytheistic world. That being said, I don’t think Vardy’s plan was foreshadowed enough in the middle? As soon as he disappears it’s obvious what’s happening but before that it wasn’t really there beyond the beginning. Also I don’t get it. Ok, he pushed the squid apocalypse forward as cover for his actions? But how did he get Griz to want to steal the squid? I think Vardy giving him the idea should have been made explicit.

I wish the author went more meta with the Griz fight. Like, the book is printed in ink and he is ink! Use that! The author already has some fun with page breaks and italics n such, so put some strikethroughs when Griz is editing reality to delete things and have Billy use footnotes to put things back in. House of Leaves this. Also if he did this he could add like a scene that’s partially destroyed by the memory fire. Literally just add a REDACTED or something.

The little epilogue/finale sucked. Just pairing off characters in straight pairings as if billy and saira or collingswood had anywhere near the relationship of billy and Dane. make it gay. Dane also got a shit ending he should have died with more fanfare. I think the book should have just ended after the cops came and arrested people.

As I said before the worldbuilding is wonderful I love every little concept he comes up with. The gunfarmers are my favorite but it’s all very fun yet aware of the eccentricity. yes everyone has themes weapons and yes people complain about it to their leaders because guns would be more effective BUT NO. The familiar strike and Wati in general was also very fun. Leftist king.

I really dislike Billy’s arc? He starts out interesting - refusing the call, he’s a funny little academic thrust into the world of fantasy. I like how long he’s sad that Leon died but I wished he had more to say about him. Like little things reminding him of Leon and not just reliving the moment he died. But as he comes to accept his role he becomes very much a vehicle of the plot. He becomes simply Hero without ever really using his skills (no preserving no squid knowledge no biology knowledge) and even though yes he lies a bit he isn’t A Liar. He does a little taxonomy at the end with Griz but I want more. He gets a phaser and then he just does what other people tell him. It’s like the author forgot Billy could have any knowledge from before the story started.

Under Ground

Everything after the bar shoot out is rushed but doesn’t go straight to epilogue? Like there was a struggle to wrap things up when the strike fails in real life and nothing good happens ever.

The romance was cuuuuute very cheesy in a This is a Book for Women ;) way but overall it was good. I will take Katka’s “this guy is sooo hot I’m immediately in love with him and will fantasize about him for years before he comes back from prison for being anti-American” over Billy’s “I need to fuck a magician let me call all the women I know.” I did wish there was more of a honeymoon period and not just Paul coming back and being like “I’m also madly in love with you yayayay” because if he got to know her he would have loved her. She is not just some Slovenian girl but she also works on an independent newspaper and does journalism!! His union leader ass would love her pro-labor reporting.

Katka is kind of a bland character though. I KNOW it’s 1915 but she literally is only an individual because she 1. Can type and 2. Likes guns. Could she have a fucking flaw? She needed inner conflict - have her be against the strike and come to view it as necessary, or maybe she’s depressed due to her parents dying and doesn’t see why she should care about the future. She needed something going on Internally beyond “paul <3”

[keefwho]

March 17 - 2023

8:24 AM

I had a dream I got fucked super hard in high school science class. It was by someone I didn’t have a very high opinion of when I went there but I didn’t necessarily dislike him. I remember it felt awesome, I got manhandled GOOD. But after that the dream kinda sucked because I was going around trying to not look like I blew my load all over myself and didn’t have a good change of clothes. I also got locked out of my locker and the front desk lady couldn’t help me because I had an expired ID. At some point after school I went to go buy soda for myself, had some awkward interactions at Walmart, and came out with a 24 pack of diet coke by accident that I couldn’t return. 

I had other dreams before this that I forgot because I got woken up at 6am. This morning I feel kinda tired still and am not looking forward to commissions or my workout but I’ll try to get it all done. Maybe I just need a real sturdy breakfast. 

6:29 PM

I’ve been pretty tired the past few days and I don’t know why. Maybe it is just the slight lack of sleep but I’m not sure. I guess I’ll try extra hard to get better sleep the next few days and see if that helps. I’m not ACTUALLY afraid of this but what if it’s because of an underlying condition? I wouldn’t start to suspect that unless it doesnt get better or got worse. The leading theory is I really need to get my 8 hours and I’ve also been pushing myself pretty hard this week. Even though for 3 days this week I skipped an hour of work. I dunno. 

11:52 PM

I feel kinda sad tonight but I’m gonna try no to judge myself for it. Im just gonna write it out and let it be what it is. I feel kinda lonely, largely due to my parents not being here for the next week. Even though hardly anything is fundamentally different with how I operate, it is unsettling having no one around physically. And I gotta take care of the dogs which is annoying. 

I also have those classic feelings of “I’m not very good” or “Im falling behind” or “People don’t love me as much as I think they do”. Obviously all disputable claims but I am not here to dispute. Sometimes that doesn’t help. The truth is I think it’s okay to be feeling these things, I feel them for a reason. When I find the reasons I can end up changing my behavior around it. Or I can wait until I know I’ll feel better. I am becoming more and more aware of my patterns and it’s hard to keep falling into them when I see them happening. So tonight I’m defusing from those big negative thoughts but allowing myself to be aware of them and still feel bad about them. Im just trying to prevent overthinking or mental reverb so it doesn’t get so out of hand. 

On a brighter note I’ve had 2 successful encounters where I basically brute forced social interaction with a stranger by asking them questions. Like they wouldn’t have much to say and I’d carry the conversation moment by moment until they opened up and started contributing themselves. Its been interesting and I’m starting to hone in on a more clear goal. My objective is to hunt for people I get along with by getting to know strangers. Sounds straightforward and obvious because it is but for awhile now I’ve been in a rut where I was failing to recognize the social potential around me. Everyone felt like an NPC and I didn’t like that. They still do but I’m working on it. But I’m realizing that the only way I can find more compatible people is to actually go around and locate them. Along the way I can learn to socialize better and have meaningful interactions with people I might not ever see again. 

At the end of the day I know I always have my homies which is all that matters to me. I’m trying to expand my social circle for the sake of being healthy. I don’t want to replace anyone and I want to stop feeling guilty like I am. In my perfect world I’d want to stick with the homies I got for the rest of my life and thats it. Of course I’ll still try to make that happen, but I wish I didn’t have to make new friends. I like the ones I have. 

[solstinky]

TW: SA and ptsd related rant below the cut. mostly venting into the void so please skip unless you Really want to take a peek into my broken psyche. probably really rambling and sloppy too

base context for anyone unaware reading this, i was in a weird "situationship" with a best friend for years, starting at the end of high school and through college. to make it short, she was manipulative and sexually assaulted me a few times, and i didn't really see it for what it was until a new friend gave me a massive wake up call and snapped me out of it. my perception of reality was so skewed i didn't even recognize that id been raped, it just seemed normal and like i was being difficult. and aside from one moment of hyper sexuality to poorly cope after, i haven't even kissed anyone in like 6(?) years because of the damage. context done on to the current rant:

i've been listening to audio roleplays and smut for a while, partly to make up for a lack of affection and partly for sexual reasons (especially because it's fairly niche and self produced, so it feels a lot more ethical than shit like porn). but i've noticed the stuff that i 'enjoy' the most is like... cnc, rape, being taken advantage of, that kind of stuff. and not like,,, fully aggressive and violent, but more so manipulative and pushing boundaries. which i know isn't inherently a bad thing, sexual fantasies and kinks aren't inherently wrong and there's nothing wrong with exploring those in healthy and consensual ways. but there's a part of me that feels wrong for it? almost like i should know better than be into something like that after going through the harsh and traumatizing reality of abuse. but at the same time it's kind of empowering? like im doing it on my terms, im the one who wants it and is actively seeking it out. plus i have a lot of fear of re-attempting intimacy, because im afraid of the small chance i might break down in the moment and freak out. and imagining a scenario where someone is taking the lead entirely, its kind of reassuring in a weird way? i know the obvious conclusion is that there's nothing wrong me with for these kinks, and that i need to just keep working through my ptsd to get past the guilt. but i can't help but feel like im a bad victim in a way? like i shouldn't deserve to be considered a victim the same way someone else is, because im being a gross little pervert who likes a controlled and safe version of something so horrible. like i said i know this is all part of the healing process and that i need to shed this guilt complex, but its just hard. my rational brain knows it's okay and potentially even good for me (taking control over my trauma, rather than letting it control me), but its just hard to actually be normal about it

anyways ptsd sucks, i've been celibate out of fear for years, and i will likely never be the same again. but that's okay, eventually i'll be good enough. and odds are i'll just have to learn the hard way that im fine. like i might be too afraid to actively try to date or have sex, but if something ever happens organically i probably won't freak out at all and will realize i've been worried about nothing. idk. odds are slim since i would have to hit it off really well with a stranger to trust them, or id have to have a friend suddenly be cool with casual sex, neither of which seem super likely, but who knows. i mean knowing me, the fucked up thing is ill probably have the best odds of being comfortable enough to try something if i'm really drunk or something, which is a pretty messy grey area. idk life fucking sucks but we push through and we make the best of it, despite the horrors

[edoro]

for personal reasons, i really want to think about... Hunter getting older, processing his trauma (realizing it was trauma, it was abuse, it was wrong and it hurt him), and reaching the point in his recovery where he realizes

Oh, Wait, You All Kind Of Just Knew, Didn’t You?

i want to see him getting to the point where he looks back at his own actions and behavior and the way Belos treated him and realizes that, no, he wasn’t just doing a really good job of covering it up and acting normal, it was actually incredibly obvious that he was being abused

and every single adult around him noticed and for 16 years, none of them did or said a goddamn thing

and i want him to get angry about it

[mizutori-heiko]

Mizutori’s bakudeku fanfiction master list [complete works]

Really really good writing by these incredible authors. In no particular order! These are all Top!Bakugou and Bottom!Deku. If A/B/O dynamics then it’s Alpha!Bakugou and Omega!Deku. Yes, I have preferences.

Canon World – until 15k

What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? by reading_raindrop | 8,303 | Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would.

Oh right, you were a little sh*t by SaysiWrites | 5,653 | When Midoriya Izuku gets hit by an age-reversion Quirk, the last thing anyone expected to find out is that Toddler-Izuku is a little shit. Except for one Bakugou Katsuki, who has seen this phase one too many times already. (Bonus+ the entire Little Sh*t (Kidfic) series)

Do Not Disturb by surveycorpsjean | 10,010 | Apply enough force, and something is bound to break.

And Atlas fell by supercrunch | 15,185 | They move in together, after a while. Katsuki joins Best Jeanist and Izuku trains under Gran Torino. They still take comfort in each other every day, curl up in bed and kiss and talk about how life is going. Their live are tumultuous, after all, what with villains and training and rescuing people every week. It’s nice to have something certain. At the end of a day filled with violence and adrenaline, Izuku knows he can come home to someone concrete. It’s perfect. Being a hero is scary and grueling and uncertain, but this part is just right. And then, one day, a child dies in Izuku’s arms.

be loved by bonnia | 5,403 | The kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands.

Big Protein by Mysecretfanmoments | 13,683 | Bakugou Katsuki has a thriving hero career, an agent to manage his famous attitude, and absolutely zero romantic interest in anyone. With the exception of his favourite health food joint refusing to expand to his city, his life is pretty damn perfect—so why does a viral video revealing Deku's stash of dirty mags involving him and Deku together turn everything upside-down?

Chocolate cake and resin preserved flowers by Anoksun | 11,396 | Izuku loses his memories. Katsuki struggles not to lose Izuku too.

Twin Stars by theperksofbeinglarissa | 8,435 | When Deku saves a woman's life, her quirk is accidentally activated. Her quirk? She reveals a person's soulmate. A star-shaped mark appears on Midoriya's left arm... and on Bakugou's as well. Kirishima is the only one who knows that Bakugou is Midoriya's soulmate, and Bakugou isn't taking the news very well. Can the twin stars of class 1-A work out their differences and find their happy ending?

Unhealthy Fixations by Thesis | 12,522 | Izuku is an adult who knows better than to crush on his childhood bully. AND YET.

Like the Moon by osakakitty | 14,781 | Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.

Worth a Second Shot by cinnabee | 13,080 | Katsuki and Izuku celebrate registering as a Hero Duo together with a big party. What could go wrong?

Like Something Out of A Shoujo Manga by Merrywetherweather | 2,971 | Deku ends up in a rather interesting quirk accident, one that triggers flag events as if he were the protagonist of an otome game.

Canon World – 15k++

Blood Moon by lalazee | 94,860 | The Thank-Fuck-We-Aren’t-Dead Sex had started then, and had never really stopped. Then came the feelings and the fights. The ego, the pride, the jealousy. And then there was Us.

The Way You Used To Do by edema_ruh | 669,463 | During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in this state is no one other than Kacchan.

Just Like Breathing by MD_Daydreamer | 35,423 | Izuku got engaged. He didn't mind. If that made Uraraka happy, he could do it. He thought his life wouldn't change much.But then, Kacchan went to live in the USA.

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) by vannral | 15,951 | In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

"what's your type?" by sapphicflower | 20,192 | In order to increase their popularity rankings as up and coming pro heroes, Izuku and Katsuki participate in the most popular late night talk show for hero duos - ‘Heroes Rising!’. They’re killing it, obviously, because they know each other from inside and out. Until one question stumps the two of them: “What is your hero partner’s type?”

and it was Just Right by cinnabee | 23,759 | Katsuki spends two years post-graduation in a furious one-sided competition with his childhood friend and rival's promotional photos - until they finally run into each other, and, well. You shouldn't believe everything you see in magazines. A love story about size differences.

Notice Me, Nerd by useless_donut | 40,000 | Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out. A love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A.

in your dreams, nerd! by sapphicflower | 37,639 | In a strange and unexpected set of circumstances, Izuku and Katsuki find themselves sharing their dreams together whenever they happen to fall asleep at the same time. Being hopelessly in love with each other, they don’t mind it all that much. What better way to spend time with your crush than in a stupidly vivid dream?

Hear Me by my_name_is_Levi | 22,419 | It wasn’t as if nightmares were uncommon for the freshman class of Yuuei. They’d seen plenty of things, heard and felt and witnessed enough travesty in their lives to last them a lifetime. But Midoriya Izuku was screaming, and no one, not even Bakugo Katsuki could ignore it.

Bridges by supercrunch | 18,018 | Bakugou is signed up for a Calvin Klein modeling gig. The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart. So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.

objective truth by mamalade | 15,390 | Izuku gets hit with a truth quirk, as one does. He seems to be handling it well—until Katsuki shows up.

catharsis by dollcewrites | 15,071 | It's been six years since Izuku graduated.It's been six years since he confessed to his childhood friend; his classmate and his inspiration. It's been six years since he deleted Bakugou's number, asked his friends not to mention the name, spent every last effort of his heart turning off the TV and averting his eyes from the newspapers. It's been six, long, long years since he gave up on Katsuki Bakugou ever loving him back.

Here here, my friends and me (You are my familia) by Jeka | 128,832 | Bakugou Katsuki has made a great job of ignoring the fact that he is tragically in love with Deku, someone who could never love him like that and let's face it, he doesn't deserve. Now that he can't ignore it anymore, he has to find a way to keep his childhood friend and move on for his own sake. Or so he had thought, maybe he can have Deku, after all. Izuku has everything he always wanted in life. But suddenly he has to navigate the most important relationship in his life through different eyes.

Canon World – Jealous! 

Hands Off by SaysiWrites | 7,140 | When a new girl at school starts flirting with Bakugou, his friends quickly become invested in the idea of their friend experiencing love - even if he doesn't seem at all interested in her. What they don't see is Midoriya fuming in the background. But how can he get rid of her when they've spent so long keeping their relationship a secret?

Surfaces by surveycorpsjean | 25,225 | Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right. As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.

Green-Eyed Beast by SecretKiwi | 4,721 | Everyone wants a piece of Katsuki Bakugou, but they should beware of the Green-eyed beast always lurking close behind him.

Green with Envy by Sol_Morales707 | 2,611 | Izuku Midoriya is not as innocent and pure as everyone thinks he is. The truth was he was very jealous and willing to do anything for a certain blonde.

Happy Camper by Arysa | 7,074 | Wanting a break from the stress of dealing with the rookie Pro Hero grind, a handful of students from Class A decide to go on a camping trip. Izuku's excited to relax and catch up with everyone, especially Kacchan. But, well, Kacchan's... Kacchan. And dating Kirishima.

How to stop time: kiss by Teddingtons | 31,693 | Deku finally asks Uraraka out. Everyone's supportive except Bakugou who can't even look him in the eye. Deku seeks him out after and is hit with truth.

What I Deserve by s_the_queen | 16,671 | When Izuku starts dating a student in General Studies, everyone is happy for him. She's super sweet and really caring. But something doesn't sit right with Katsuki.

Deku's Already Fucking Taken by asdfjkl129 | 20,704 | 5 times people don't realize that Deku is already in a very happy relationship and try their hand at asking him out, and then in Bakugou's unique and special style, get very firmly corrected, +1 time where no correction is needed.

His by sister_elric | 6,206 | Izuku would like to consider himself a pretty level headed individual. Sure, he had the occasional tunnel vision, especially when it came to training. And hero work. And Kacchan. But, overall, Midoriya felt as though he typically kept his cool. Well, maybe that was a stretch. But, at the very least he could understand his own emotions. So, it surprised even him when an unfamiliar emotion coursed through him as a first year approached his boyfriend, Katsuki.

Down the Red Line by MinervaHope | 7,804 | Izuku has been able to see the red strings of fate since birth. It's no surprise that his is connected to Katsuki.

Canon World – Fake Relationship Goes Wrong

how he should’ve known (and how it turned out) by vannral | 43,918 | In which Katsuki and Izuku pretend to be a couple to avoid journalists, the plan backfires magnificently because of course it does, and the act goes on. Includes feelings, pining, domestic fluff and jealousy.

Vicious by feelslikefire | 105,173 | Midoriya and Bakugou wind up in the very last position either of them thought they'd be in: Hero Partners. It's not fun, but they learn to cope. Their first big assignment together takes them undercover to infiltrate a cult, but the situation turns out far more sinister than they first thought.

What I can never tell you by Mikacrispy | 27,067 | After living in the US for 5 years, Izuku returns to take care of a concussed Bakugou who believes they're engaged. Now, Izuku has to pretend he's in a relationship with the man he's loved for most of his life, knowing that it's just a matter of time until Katsuki gets better and realizes it's all a lie.

Not-Dating by MiraChaDoodles | 14,290 | Katsuki takes Deku on a not-date to save his career, only to find himself wishing it were real.

we'll do the things that lovers do by ethereals | 29,544 | Izuku gets an invitation to Shouto's wedding and Katsuki is PISSED that he asks Kirishima to be his date (also he wasn't even fucking invited

Canon World – Friends With Benefits (?) 

Four Times Bakugou Katsuki Doesn't Intend to Sleep With Midoriya Izuku (And the One Time that He Does) by fallingraine85 | 17,601 | He hadn’t planned for any of this. He isn’t about to go delving into the ball of yarn that is Midoriya Izuku’s heart; he isn’t equipped to try and untangle and make sense of it all. He isn’t about to try to analyze how he’s feeling about all of this, either.... How many times can you repeat the same mistake?

We Wear Chains on the Weekend by surveycorpsjean | 35,086 | Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare."Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways. Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.

Just for Now by Shiro_Kabocha | 48,135 | Katsuki's parents are out of town over a school break and to keep him from getting up to any shenanigans, they ask Izuku to house sit with him. What are two teenaged boys to do when left alone to their own devices? (Bonus+ the entire Just for Love series)

safe in the darkness by yoonskisses | 20,855 | Izuku and Katsuki had been meeting up secretly for months, with absolutely no feelings involved. Or so Katsuki thought at least. The dorm gossip about Ochaco and Izuku's new relationship seemed to set a spanner in the works for their arrangement.

Alternative Universe – No Quirks

Bluebird by EtherealBeing | 53,108 | Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact. However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

Someone Borrowed by mynameis152 | 138,996 | It felt like hours that he stared at Izuku, coming to terms with the fact that a man, his childhood best friend, whom he hadn’t seen since their senior year of high school, was there in front of his very eyes. Then his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched before he uttered through gritted teeth the very name Izuku had longed to hear for years. “Deku.”

Dark Side of the Sun by Synnie | 51,598 | Staying up too late playing video games, Kirishima wasn't expecting to get an urgent call begging for help. Next thing he knew, he was letting his classmate Izuku Midoriya take refuge in his apartment - without consulting his always angry roommate.

Manage Me by Justaperson1718 | 10,756 | Izuku becomes Katsuki’s model agent.

Don't Set Your Drink Down by Crandberrycrush | 88,424 | With sudden clarity Izuku realized he had broken the first rule of going out. Never leave your drink unattended.

Livewire by pretty_rekless | 18,160 | Per Ochako's request, Izuku downloads a gay dating app in hopes to finally find a partner. Except every single one of his leads keep ghosting him or standing him up... That is until one hot, fiery blond enters the chat. Grindr/Tinder AU fic.

Drinking Watermelon by warschach | 8,906 | Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.

Precious Pet by Mikacrispy | 6,379 | When broke college student Midoriya Izuku found a job that offered lodging, food, and good pay for four hours of work each day, he thought it was too good to be true. But he called anyway. Turns out all he has to do is to be the spoiled little puppy of a rich businessman.

Our Eleven Summers by Dark_Mage_Ayumu | 34,472 | The first time Katsuki met Izuku was when he was eight. For the next eleven years, Izuku changed his life, and no one even knew. Their relationship was something they shared in secret.

sticky note crushes by ladyofsnails | 3,239 | Katsuki hates his roommate. The green-haired, freckled, artsy son of a bitch with his dumb pun t-shirts and paint-stained hands he can’t fucking keep to himself. Katsuki can’t leave a single assignment or paper out in his room because that idiot will just grab anything to draw on it. He’s like a shark that can’t stop swimming else it’ll die – he can’t stop drawing. Ever.

Don't Play Pretend by SweetSide | 10,103 | Actor AU: Deku and Bakugou get the leading roles for an upcoming TV Drama. They weren’t aware that they would be working with each other for who knows how long. It would’ve been completely fine if they weren’t exes.

97.6 FM by jamjars | 32,249 | Izuku can’t stop listening to the radio host with the deep voice who sounds like he’s stuck in 2010. It’s a harmless crush. That is until he starts calling into the show under the pseudonym Deku.

Read {between} Your Lines by greatcloudninja | 52,252 | Midoriya Izuku, up-and-coming actor, has finally hit his big break (...), Bakugou Katsuki, who has been acting for over twenty years.However, Bakugou seems to have it out for Izuku, leading to tension both on and off set. When some incriminating photos surface, the studio suggests (...): having Bakugou and Midoriya fake a relationship to get ahead of the rumors. 

I’m not looking for somebody with some superhuman gifts by PassingShadow | 5,522 | Izuku is a professional cuddler and Katsuki is his new client that’s just a little rough around the edges, and needs a natural healing touch.

Alternative Universe – Quirkless Deku

A Good Old-Fashioned Tattoo AU by lalazee | 14,437 | After their paths had split, Bakugou & Deku meet again as adults. While Bakugou begins to repent for the kid he used to be, he also starts to prove himself as he the man he is now.

Call Me a Safe Bet (I'm Betting I'm Not) by WTTTD | 10,803 | He wished he had some sort of heads up before seeing Deku again for the first time after nearly two years, looking like the essence of a lazy Sunday, smiling and surrounded with brand new, adoring friends. It was a little fitting that Katsuki burned for him so badly. (Support Department Deku)

In Which Kacchan Has a Ruff Time by OneshotPrincess | 14,511 | Bakugou Katsuki gets quirked into a dog, gets adopted by an unknowing Izuku and generally has a very rough few days full of realizations

While You Were Sleeping by Belkacaramelka (annabelleg) | 71,197 | The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Let Me Assist You Personally by Seeress | 32,806 | Izuku is long-suffering Personal Assistant to #1 Pro Hero Dynamight.Dynamight can't keep a PA to save his career. They all quit crying after a few days weeks. Enter, Izuku—with enough money problems to brave the jaws of the cranky beast. Childhood friend turned glorified paid slave. Somehow it all works out. ‘Kill them with kindness’, his mom had told him once. If that were true, Bakugou Katsuki would be stone-cold dead by now.

Smile For The Camera by kurokonekokilled | 19,179 | Midnight has a cam site, home to millions of users, but one catches Katsuki's eye when he goes scrolled through it in search for something to help him release a little stress. A live stream and the best orgasm of his life later, his wallet is lighter, and he might be almost as obsessed with this Deku guy as the cam boy is with him.

Just Like The Comics by brichibi | 24,935 | Where Izuku works at a comic book shop because that’s as close to a hero as he’s gonna get, and Katsuki plays the part of heroic ex-boyfriend who is good at everything except winning Izuku back... maybe

Alternative Universe – Quirks

Get on my Level by Mikacrispy | 92,273 | Bakugou Katsuki is a Pro Hero whose boss demands him to take an intern. Midoriya Izuku is a UA student who needs an internship. When the two of them are put together, they learn about what it truly means to be a Hero and what it means to be in love.

A/B/O – Secret! Baby

Home by Emerald2402 | 87,214 | Midoriya Izuku left Japan in a rush, moving to America without a word to anyone else. But then almost 11 years later he arrives back Home and Bakugou Katsuki's Alpha is furious. Fuck that, Bakugou is furious, because Midoriya Izuku, an omega he tasted one time, has been keeping a very big, very blonde haired, green eyed secret.

Those Under the Same Stars by PerpetuallyPerturbed | 325,553 | When Katsuki Bakugo left Izuku Midoriya five years ago, he thought it was for forever. He put aside dreams and wishes of the omega to focus on his career. He was going to be the best hero, after all. He couldn't have an omega getting in his way. So when he's stopped on the streets one day by a pup begging for help for his mom, he isn't prepared to face what he gave up, and what the consequences of his actions were. (Quirkless Deku)

A/B/O – Quirks

Mark Me. Make Me Yours. by decadentbynature | 10,062 | Midoriya is the only Omega at UA and he's been hiding it well but there's one issue that threatens to expose him: his attraction to an Alpha, Bakugo. After being told to give some paperwork to Bakugo, Midoriya lets him into his dorm room and is immediately overwhelmed by his scent. Unable to help himself, he gives in to his urges, only to be discovered by Bakugo but instead of becoming enraged, Bakugo decides to give Midoriya exactly what he wants

Claim Me by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 114,449 | Being an Alpha has nothing to do with Katsuki's success as a Pro-Hero, the same way Deku's Omega status hasn't kept him from becoming Number Two. Secondary gender doesn't mean anything nowadays and “mating” is an antiquated practice. So when Izuku, his rival, asks Katsuki to Claim him in the middle of the night, there is only one logical thing to say. “What the fuck?”

Change of Plans by Mikacrispy | 185,965 | Alpha Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki never planned to get married to some random omega but what he wants isn't an option anymore. One for All wielder Midoriya Izuku has suffered injustice too many times and doesn't plan in allowing his secondary gender to dictate how he must live his life. Falling in love was never in the plans.

Going Feral For You by ANGIE_fic | 17,977 | Bakugou has an aggression problem that might have to do with his Alpha. His job is on the line because of it. So what do you do with a pent up Alpha? Yes.Rut. (Quirkless Izuku)

i live for you, i long for you by jeonjeonggukkkkkie | 19,165 | The five times Izuku hinted he wants Katsuki to spend his next heat with him, and the one time Katsuki took the hint.

Baby's First Bloom by ContraryBee | 44,945 | Izuku blooms for Katsuki one warm day in their third year of middle school. What follows is both boys learning about themselves, their bond, and the society they live in.

As Fate Would Have It by ScientificallySinful (VampireGaaraCheesepuffs) | 88,737 | Katsuki Bakugo had plenty of reasons why he wasn't mated yet, not that he was going to explain why to just anyone. But now, Ground Zero was running out of time. If he didn't find someone soon, he'd lose his position as a Pro-Hero and he'd never get to be #1. So, when he finds out there's a male Omega recently arrested for prostitution that's headed to prison if he too doesn't get a mate…well it must be fate. (Quirkless Izuku)

A/B/O – No Quirks

Gravity by warschach | 71,477 | Izuku is back in his hometown and plenty hasn't changed much from the 8 years he was gone. Except, Katsuki Bakugou, the alpha king of their small town. He's hotter- because that's fair, right, God? -, stronger, a now-famous pro fighter, and noticeably nicer this round.Not that he cares, pfft. (Fine, he cares.)

Nine Months by greatcloudninja | 23,303 | Omega Midoriya Izuku connects with Alpha Bakugou Katsuki through an online singles ad. Izuku pays Katsuki to help him with his heat, ending up pregnant in the process. What follows is a pregnancy filled with ups and downs, but whatever hurdles come their way, they can make it through together.

The long dark by Ominous-Anonymous (Ominonymous) | 13,289 | He could have been really dangerous. He could be a fucking murderer for all he knew. But Izuku Midoriya, ever the reckless daredevil, was not thinking of that when he got into a car with a complete stranger. Completely ignoring the part where his mother always taught him to never gets into cars with alphas he didn't know...

[noteguk]

be quiet | jjk | m | drabble

[ ! ] this is a drabble for bad influence. It can be read as a stand-alone. 

— summary; in which jungkook is the best at picking the worst possible place for a quickie. 

— contents and warnings; smut, pwp, the endless adventures of badboy!jk x goodgirl!reader, enemies with benefits, public sex (library), doing the nasty in the theology section, dirty talk, unprotected sex, mid-sex arguments, jk is a mean lil shit (nothing new), kind of dom!jk, creampie, oral (female receiving), cum eating, cum play

— words; 3.1k

— author’s note; this was requested by anon and I thought it would be a nice thing to drop before the angsty parts begin 😌 also, for time context, this happens a bit after “bad behavior”

~

You were pretty sure that Jungkook had chosen that section on purpose. Because he hated you, that’s why. 

Never once in your life had you wondered so far into the university’s library, past the known biology and chemistry shelves, and into the dusty alleyways of the humanities courses. And that was the shameful reason why you didn’t even know that there was a religious section in the first place. 

The realization was obvious if you actually stopped to think about it: there were so many classes related to theology in your university that it would be ridiculous not to have books on that. And yet, you couldn’t help but feel like the old, hardcover bible was staring at you in endless disappointment as Jungkook turned you around and threw the hem of your dress over your hips. 

“Shhhh, baby, keep it quiet,” he shushed you after a small whimper had escaped your lips, his palms spreading over your ass cheeks. “Someone’s gonna hear you.” 

Because Jungkook hated you (as previously established), he instantly contradicted himself with a loud slap against your ass. 

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” you hissed, fumbling closer to him as he tugged your underwear to the side. The cold air hit your wet folds instantly, spreading goosebumps through your skin. Jungkook was an expert at noticing the most timid, basic ways that your body reacted to his touches, so the clear asymmetry between your rough speech and the shivers running through your body was enough to make him snicker. “Keep it down. This isn’t funny.” 

Jungkook chuckled behind you, the sharp noise of his zipper opening sounding like a gunshot inside that quiet building. “No. It’s hilarious, actually.” 

You sighed, praying to all the books around you that no one would stumble across that erotic spectacle. You had no idea if there was another living soul wandering around the library so late — in fact, the place was like thirty minutes away from closing and you were positive that the librarian was already dozing off on the front counter when you arrived, so she was probably balls deep in REM sleep by that point. There was no one cramming for midterms, no night owls to interrupt the two of you and, just to top it all off, it was a fucking Friday. The library was so empty that you didn’t even know why you went to that place. 

Okay, that was a lie. You went there because Jungkook had booty called you — yeah, yeah, boo-hoo, shame and disgrace — but, in your defense, you honestly thought he was just in desperate need for some extra help with his project (which was what he had initially told you). Turns out, “extra help” in Jungkook Dictionary didn’t mean the academic one. It meant that he was pathetically hard and he wanted somewhere to stick his dick in (instead of doing it like a normal person and using his hand). 

Regardless, your position was equally embarrassing. You could’ve just walked away when you realized his true intentions, and not followed him into the theology section of the library, for fuck’s sake. You really needed to start exercising some self love and put some limits in that chaotic situationship before you got yourself in serious trouble. 

Still, all those mental promises turned into silence when you felt his fingers playing with your folds, teasing their way between them. “So fucking wet,” Jungkook’s horniness dripped from his voice like honey, so soft and deep that got your knees buckling, back arching so he could reach your heat better. “Such a needy girl. Always begging for cock.” 

“I didn’t beg for anything,” you weren’t in the mood to deal with his bullshit; looking over your shoulder just so you could stare him down. Somewhere along your messy make-out session and the Bible-induced guilt, Jungkook had already moved his pants and underwear halfway down his thighs, his cock standing erect and proud. His timing was fantastic when he was actually interested in something. “You’re the one that can’t keep it in your pants.” 

He scoffed. “Don’t ruin the mood.” Jungkook punctuated his sentence with the plunging of two of his fingers inside your pussy, making a surprised whimper fall from your mouth — which you suppressed a second too late. “And of course I can’t, not when you’re dressed like this.”

You rolled your eyes, fighting the pleasure that started to build up at the pumping of his fingers in and out of you. “My knee-level dress is neither sexy nor an open invitation, you troglodyte.” You had chosen to wear that dress because it was a deliciously warm afternoon, not because you wanted to get railed while staring at religious texts. Jungkook, however, seemed to stare at your choice of clothing like he was looking at an “all you can eat” bouffet. You groaned. “But if you’re gonna do it, can you rush? I don’t wanna get caught.” 

It was Jungkook’s turn to roll his eyes, a sigh escaping his lips as his digits left your heat. You knew he’d tease you endlessly if you didn’t say that, and you two were on a tight schedule. “You never do,” he mumbled. 

“Duh,” you said, watching as his hand curled around his cock, pumping it a few times. You placed your own hands on the shelves and refused to look at the books any longer. “I have a future, you know. Don’t wanna get expelled halfway through the—”

“Shut up,” he interrupted you, holding onto your hips. Jungkook aligned himself with your entrance, coating his crown with your wetness and grunting at the sensation. “Fuck. Don’t wanna talk about your stupid high marks right now.” 

Jungkook made his point clear with a swift roll of his hips, his thick length gradually entering your pussy. You bit down on your lip, closing your eyes as you marveled at the aphrodisiac sensation of his cock opening you up. “Shit,” you moaned — a whispered, breathy moan that wiped all your fierceness away. “You’re so — fuck — so annoying.” 

“I said shut up,” Jungkook hissed, his cock hitting deep inside you with a strong hit of his hips against yours. You could feel him everywhere, mercilessly pushing his way inside your tight walls and stretching them wide for him. 

Your eyes instantly fell shut, eyebrows raising as he started to set a rhythm, moving in and out of your soaked heat. The sounds of your bodies meeting was dirty and, worst of all, it was super perceptible to any one passing by — however, in typical Jungkook magic, you quickly forgot about most of your worries. “Oh my… Jungkook,” you gasped, feeling his grasp on your skin grow tighter at the uttering of his name. “Someone’s… someone’s gonna hear us.” 

But you had successfully managed to piss Jungkook off, which was a terrible sign in that specific (public) situation. “Shit, you’re always like this,” he groaned, raising the force of his thrusts. A desperate moan died on your throat at the feeling of his cock drilling in and out of you, your breath shallow. That couldn’t be good. “Can’t stop fucking talking.” 

Thinking was starting to get difficult, and speaking was even worse. “That’s not what I—”

Another whimper broke your sentence, your trail of thought long forgotten, and he used that opening to his advantage. One of Jungkook’s hands slithered from your hip to the front of your body, moving between your breasts before, at last, settling on your neck. There was no strength on his actions when he pulled you backwards, making your back press against his chest. “Why can’t you understand when I tell you to be fucking quiet, uh?” His voice was a rough growl close to your ear, filled with so much hunger that you almost lost your balance. Before you did, however, the tap of two of his fingers on your lips made your focus shift. “Do both of us a fucking favor and put your mouth to good use.” 

For the first time that night, you were obedient. Without hesitation, you parted your lips so his fingers could move inside your mouth, a deep exhale leaving his chest once you started sucking on them; muffling your whimpers. 

“That’s it, fuck,” he praised, his momentaneous anger slipping away from his grasp. You could feel Jungkook throbbing inside you every time you swirled your tongue around his digits, his length splitting you open like no one else could. “You’re so fucking tight. The only reason why I don’t stuff your mouth full of my cock right now is because this pussy is too good.” 

You clenched around him, tried to say something that sounded like gibberish with his fingers still in your mouth. Amazingly so, Jungkook understood what it was. 

“Are you gonna cum, baby?” He asked, breathless. You could only nod, your body bouncing up and down with the force of his precise thrusts. “Yeah?” He chuckled. “You know, I should just leave you like this, see if you learn to shut up for once.” 

“Pfflease, no,” you struggled to get out. 

“No? Now you listen to what I have to say?” Jungkook kept teasing you, watching as your initial petulant attitude was washed away. Doing that to you seemed to be a habit that he couldn’t let go, no matter how hard he tried. There was something about the way you fumbled and whimpered under his grasp that inflated his ego more than anything. “You only listen when I have you like this. Don’t you think that’s funny?” 

Jungkook pulled his fingers out of your mouth, using that hand to press your body closer to his; tattooed arm wrapped in an iron grip around your waist. “Sorry,” you didn’t even know why you were apologizing at that point; you were just trying to grasp at anything that could bring you some sort of salvation. Maybe if you tried to appease his pestering spirit, he wouldn’t be so cruel when it came to your release. “Jungkook, please.” 

“Please what?” He asked, his breath ragged against your ear; sounding like he was almost getting lost in your pussy. 

“Please let me cum, please,” you begged. You didn’t know how he managed to do it: to make your entire personality crumble down into a desperate, needy mess with little to no effort. He knew just the right buttons to push; just the right way to fuck you. It was a dangerous game that you were playing and the score clearly wasn’t in your favor. 

“I’ll think about it.” He groaned, a particularly loud moan ripping itself from his throat at another hash buckle of his hips. He was fucking your so well that you couldn’t even remember where you were for a second, all inihibitions pushed aside as your mind turned into a hazed, disconnected mess. “First, be a good girl and let me fill you up.” 

You nodded desperately, not trusting yourself to say anything else. The heat in your stomach was building up at a worrisome speed, threatening to spill over at any given second, and yet you didn’t think it would happen quick enough. 

Just as you expected, Jungkook was cumming a few thrusts later, spilling himself inside your pussy as he groaned against your shoulder. “Fuck, baby,” he was fighting for air, trying to keep his moans as quiet as he could manage them. And yet, when his mouth right next to your ear, you could hear with divine clarity the beautiful, airy sighs he gifted you as he continued to fuck you through his high. “Take it, come on. Fuck.” 

You were almost pleading for your own body to hush and allow you to cum before Jungkook pulled away but, once again, you weren’t that lucky. You were left with shaky legs as he removed himself from your heat; feeling awfully empty as he swirled you around before crashing his mouth against yours in a messy kiss. 

Yes, Jungkook fucked you like no one else could, but kissing him managed to be even more heavenly sometimes. Time and time again, he would surprise you with kisses that left you seeking for air; the slow drag of his tongue against yours matching perfectly with the way his hand cupped your cheek, thumb delicately caressing the skin. It was the eye of a hurricane, the tranquil skies before the storm hit, and you could get lost in it with such ease that it scared you sometimes. 

But then he pulled away, and the magic left you just as quickly as it had arrived. “J-Jungkook, I didn’t—“ 

“Shh, baby, I know.” Another tender kiss against your lips, and his mouth moved to your jaw, nibbling on the skin. “Gonna clean you up, princess. Don’t worry.” 

Brain too overwhelmed to react, you were left speechless as Jungkook trailed a path of sloppy kisses down your neck, sending shivers down your spine before, at last, getting down on his knees before you. A question got trapped in your throat, rapidly forgotten, when he raised one of your thighs and placed it over his shoulder. “Hold this up for me.” He signed at the hem of your dress, and you did as he requested, pulling the fabric to the level of your breasts. “That’s my girl.” 

A shivering sigh danced on your tongue as you waited for him to move, his eyes eagerly taking in the way his release dripped between your folds, mingling with your own wetness. Jungkook loved to watch his work. “So pretty,” Jungkook mumbled, as he always did; sounding like he was trapped in a daydream. Like you weren’t actually supposed to hear that. “Always so pretty for me.” 

You got lost in his praise for exactly two seconds before he was leaning in and pressing his mouth against your heat. Your hips buckled forward, barely held in place by his strong arms around your thighs. “Jungkook,” you called his name, making his dark eyes snap towards yours. His tongue prodded against your opening once, twice, teasing your pussy a few times before he licked his path up your slit, lips wrapping around your clit. “God, so good.” 

Jungkook hummed against your heat, lapping between your folds like he was a starved animal, not caring about the fact that his own cum was mixed with your arousal. You were starting to consider that maybe he had a bit of an oral fixation, because you never saw him so focused as when he had his face buried between your thighs; his tongue playing with your sensitive spots so eagerly that you couldn’t help but whine out his name. 

“Oh— Fuck,” you whimpered, feeling  as that familiar pressure started to build on the base of your spine. Your hands were sweaty, clenching onto the fabric of your flowery dress as Jungkook continued to moan and lick his way around your pussy. “Fuck, I’m so close.”

Jungkook was looking up at you through the thick curtain of his messy hair, his devilish eyes sparking up in a silent dare for you to make a mess on his tongue. At the same time that he told you to keep quiet, you knew that he got off when you were loud — especially in a place like that, where the two of you could get caught. He was a fucking demon when he wanted to be, and he seriously didn’t have any trouble dragging you to hell along with him. 

The worst part was that you liked it. You liked it since the very first time he had you, liked the way he took your precious control away from you. You liked when he had you like that: a shivering, desperate mess hanging by a thread; dwelling in the fantastic sensation of his wet muscle prodding your entrance, fucking it open as he stared up at you like he could eat you whole. 

It was always the sight of Jungkook like that — between your thighs, eating you out like you were his favorite sweet — that pushed you over the edge. You pressed the back of your hand against your mouth, muffling your needy cries as you finally reached your high, his tongue still playing with your clit as you came down. Jungkook groaned as a small wave of your arousal dripped on him, his mouth expertly cleaning it up, just like he had promised. 

“S-Stop,” you whimpered, a violent shiver overtaking your muscles as you started to feel the effects of your sensitivity. “Too much.” 

After a final stroke of his tongue against your slick, Jungkook tugged your panties back in place and removed your thigh from his shoulder before, finally, he moved back to his feet. Your hand, weak, let go of the fabric and allowed your dress to collapse back into place, covering the mess between your legs. 

He smirked at your overwhelmed, fucked-out state as he tugged himself back inside his pants. The sound of his zipper was once again a noisy interruption, which brought along a new wave of panic as you remembered your location. 

You grabbed Jungkook’s wrist, twisting it around so you could look at his watch. “We have five minutes until closing time.” You sighed heavily, looking up at him with your typical irritated stare. His magic didn’t last for long, after all. “Why are you always like this?”

“Like what?” Jungkook raised one eyebrow, unable to hide the entertainment in his voice as he watched your expression. He ran one hand through his dark hair, pushing it back. “Incredibly handsome? Charismatic? Good at everything? Including eati—”  

“I was going to ask why do you have the inherent need to defile religious places, but whatever helps you sleep at night,” you interrupted. “By the way, this,” you pointed between you two, “is not happening again. So I hope you had a good last time.” 

Jungkook chuckled, holding your chin with his fingers. “This is like the third time you’re saying that, baby.” He pulled you in for a quick kiss, barely a tender press of his lips against yours. “But whatever helps you sleep at night.” 

 ~

Check out the rest of the bad influence collection!

Taglist: @youurkryptonite @taehyungieskith @fan-ati--c @btstrasht @crazy4myself @sashimi-mochi @ft-multi @kooafraid @dianaaviny @ggukkieland @cryinginmypromdress @kissestothesky @imluckybitches @gyukult @jinsalpaca @0901-1230

[cinnamonest]

I’ve read most everything on your yandere Genshin chars but just got to Kaeya n the punishments and was pleasantly surprised by the back-door entry punishment and feel now safe to ask...

Are there other chars that would resort to this or maybe even be inclined towards anal? XD weirdly one of my biggest interests tbh besides breeding I don’t knooow whyy.

Oh same anon. It’s up there in my top kinks and I don’t talk bout anal enough it’s such a good kink, so I’m about to change that and give it appreciation, obvious tw for anal here

It's obviously a big thing for sadists of any kind. So basically, aside from Kaeya, Childe and Scara are both likely to get into it to some extent. Childe slightly less so than Kaeya, but both of them will use it as a form of punishment -- Childe is just slightly more prone to spanking than anal because it ignites our boy's weird fetish for violence a bit better. Whereas Kaeya's more of a horny bastard so punishments that have his dick in you in some way or another are the best.

Notably, Childe's more into actually warning you and making you squirm, listening to you beg and whimper and see you all scared, so he draws out the process before actually shoving his dick in. He's just mean about it, but he's big on verbal mockery to begin with -- tells you things like "don't worry, it only hurts a lot :)" or "it's ok, feel free to cry :)". Bastard. Also likes to hold you in positions so you can try to pull yourself off, that way he can just grab you and pull you back on.

Kaeya's more into it in a surprise sort of way, will just kinda get lube or cum all over your holes so you don't specifically know and kinda shove it in to your surprise. It's cute, your eyes go wide open and you squeal and scream and kick your feet and try to pull yourself off. He kinda forces you into positions where you can't move though, you have no choice but to just take it -- mating press, flat on your stomach, bent over and pressed against something so you can't move forward. He doesn’t mock you beforehand since he likes to catch you off guard, but laughs at your initial squealing and struggling and mocks you throughout, as well as after, thinks it’s cute how you can’t stand and how you hiss and whimper every time you sit down or move around.

Scara's similar but unfortunately for darling he'll also just fuck your poor ass at random too just because he feels like it because he likes watching you cry, or maybe is just mad and needs something to take it out on, which almost always ends up being you. He's definitely the roughest and the most likely candidate to pull the "yeah spit is perfectly acceptable lube" bullshit so it hurts the most. Also degrading about it.

Other notable candidates to actually do anal or get into it in some way, perhaps some surprisingly, would be Chongyun, Xiao, Razor, and Zhongli. The first three have a commonality where it's most likely an accident at first, fucking you too hard and accidentally slip out, try to shove their dick back in, and end up watching you squeal and pull back when their cock slips into the wrong hole.

Chongyun's is most likely during a manic episode, and only occurs during those episodes -- he's just fucking so hard and fast it ends up happening more than once. He apologizes afterwards, feels bad about it, but it keeps happening. Honestly it's something he genuinely likes, but his normal self doesn't want to hurt you, but the manic self is basically his "true" self without any inhibitions, so he doesn't hold back. He couldn’t really tell you why he likes it, it’s just hot.

Razor and Xiao are similar, it just is so so so tight and feels so good on their dick and once they've accidentally discovered it you'll wish they hadn't. Razor doesn't get the difference, will just kinda be like "oh, sorry" but keep fucking you. He just knows that it feels nice, but doesn't really have a preference, boy just needs his dick in a tight wet warm hole, and if it's in one or the other he's not gonna bother to take it out, just keeps fucking you. You’ll get used to it. Probably. 

Xiao might do it intentionally, it just feels so nice you know? It wouldn't click in his mind at first to use it for punishment purposes, but eventually seeing you squirm and cry he puts two and two together and it clicks and he realizes it's a good way to punish. But he doesn't draw it out or threaten you, just kinda shoves it in if he's mad. 

The most unfortunate part to both these boys is they don't get the difference so they fuck just as hard and fast and don't quite understand the concept of preparation and lube. They'll find some form of lube because they don't want to tear you (because then they couldn't keep fucking you you know?), but see no need to stretch you out beforehand.

And Zhongli might come as a bit of a surprise, but it's entirely punishment based and he's slower and gentle about it, but I mean, his dick is huge so no matter how prepared you are it's still gonna hurt like a bitch and be a very effective form of punishment. He has a unique form of how to handle offenses -- most come up with whatever they feel like on the spot, but he lays out early on a system of sorts, a mental chart of how different offenses are punished, scales of severity, basically "this offense is punished this way each time", very specific, right down to the number of spanks and the like. So you can't get out of it, because, well, you knew exactly what would happen, but you chose to do what you did anyway, so you should have been prepared for the consequences. Also, he gets really into plugs, especially ones with tails attached, probably has you wear one most of the time.

And finally Albedo gets super into it tbh and is the most likely candidate for lots of things. He's our gross boi. He's quiet about it, like the majority of his gross and sadistic tendencies, and this often, similar to Kaeya, results in you being very caught off guard and by surprise. Will literally just switch holes mid-fucking. If he *does* warn you, he's big fan of making you suck his dick and fingers to use it as lube beforehand. He does, thankfully, get a lot of it though, spits on your hole, likely uses actual lube a lot of the time, he likes the squelching and fluids. On the downside, since he's into all things gross or weird or less common, he gets into testing your poor ass's limits, seeing what the biggest size plug you can handle is, stretching you out, see how long you can hold things in. Also most likely candidate to get into weird things and shoving various objects in you - slimes, toys, inanimate objects etc. Also most likely candidate for painful things like figging or finding a way to make lube super cold, hot, tingly etc. And, finally, most likely candidate to completely cut you off from PIV for an extended period of time - instead of a one-time punishment, darling is looking at several days, even weeks of only anal. It's cute how you try to run away and all. And will definitely try to figure out a way to make you cum from it, too.

[spenciebabie]

Could u do a fic that is kind of similar to the one u just wrote but the reader and Spence have to share a bed, and in her sleep the reader starts grinding on Spencer Bc she shaving a wet dream. Spence wakes up super hard and he wakes her gently Bc she needs to stop or he’ll cum. This time it’s sub Spence and u ride the shit out of him.

Hell yeah I can!

This is the other blurb (that’s a hand job with non-sub!spence)

And here’s some vibes

— —

He thought that maybe he was dreaming for a minute. When he woke up she was curled around him, her arms holding him close, both of her legs tight around one of his.

They’d shared a bed before while they were away but nothing like this had ever happened. Only ever in Spencer’s dreams.

But this time felt so real, too real. And when she started to move against his leg, grinding down against his thigh as she moaned into his shirt he realized that it wasn’t his dream, it was hers.

For a second he didn’t want to wake her. In part because he wanted to keep watching. He wanted to know what she looked like, what she sounded like when she came, when she was close. But it felt wrong. And on top of that he had a problem of his own.

The way she moved, the little whimpers she made. They were all so much that he was hard already, achingly so. He needed to wake her up soon or she’d be waking up to mess of both of theirs between her legs.

There was no doubt in his mind that she wasn’t dreaming about him. Why would she be? So to save the both of them the torment he decided to wake her up. Nudging her gently, trying to pry her off of him just a bit until she woke up with a jolt.

Looking up at him with shocked eyes and pulling away from him enough that he felt horrible. Of course she hated this, she’d been having some great dream about some handsome guy and she’d woken up next to Spencer.

“I’m sorry— I— you were having—”

“No I know” her breathing is harsh, and she can feel the damp patch between her legs. And she remembers the dream well enough to know that it was Spencer that was making her feel that way.

“I’m sorry, this is so—” she’s about to break into a long winded apology when she realizes that it’s not just her. As Spencer turns away from her to lay on his back it’s painfully obvious just how hard he is. The outline of his cock so plainly visible under the thin sheet.

He moves to place his hands over it when he sees where her eyes land, but there’s no point. They’re both just in a stalemate now.

“It’s not— I wasn’t— I’ll go, it just you were—” Spencer’s gasping, his chest and his neck entirely flushed pink and it was steadily creeping up to his face as he continued to ramble. So she stopped him.

“I was just having a sex dream about you Spencer” she says it, looking straight into his eyes, and that cuts him off right away.

“Y-you were?” He looks even more flustered than before by the confession. So she nods.

“We were in a bed, a bit like this one actually. But I was on top of you, riding you. I think I was actually about to cum before you woke me up?”

He’s speechless now, even if he had words to say he’s not sure they’d make it out of his mouth.

“Is that something that you’ve ever thought about Spencer?” He wants to shout ‘yes’ of course he has. So many times he’s woken up to wet briefs after having a vivid dream exactly like that.

“Is this real? Is this really happening?” He breathes out, so shaky and nervous that she just wants to kiss his pink little cheeks. So fuck it, she does.

Leaning in close and placing a small kiss on each before landing on his soft flushed lips. His eyes close as their mouths connect and this certainly felt more real than it ever had before.

“Yeah” he gasps out when her lips pull off his own, “I’ve thought about that so many times”

With that she sits up and throws one of her legs over his lap so she’s straddling him. His cock still painfully hard, and so so close to where he wanted it to be.

She leans down again and captures his lips in another kiss, rougher and hungrier this time filled with want. And he’s a goner. As if he wasn’t already.

“I’ve thought about it too, over and over, how you’d feel inside me” she pulls back to look him in the eyes, “Do you want to find out what it feels like to fill me up Spence?”

He can’t even speak so he’s just nodding.

She works fast from there readjusting herself so that she could take off her pajamas, and her panties, she wasn’t wearing a bra so she was naked in front of him in no time as he took off his own clothes.

And then she was perched in his lap, completely bare and completely perfect, somehow even better than he had ever imagined.

She lifts herself up to hold his cock in her hand, positioning it right at her entrance. Before she does anything else she gives him one more look, “are you sure you want this baby?” She asks and he’s still in disbelief really but he manages to answer.

“More than I’ve wanted anything”

And that was good enough. She sinks down on him, taking him in inch by inch, tantalizingly slow. She was doing it on purpose of course, the way he squirmed under her, the way his lips fell open with tiny little moans from just the feeling of her around him, not even moving. He was so fucking cute.

When she finally had him the whole way inside of her she stopped for a second to lean down and give him a kiss, letting him moan into her mouth as she could feel his cock twitch inside of her. He was so desperate, so needy.

So she took a little pity on him and finally started to move, working her hips up and down slowly at first, grinding just a little as his head fell back against the headboard. Already overwhelmed.

“Spence, you can touch me you know” she moans out herself “I want you to”

And he’s nodding, his hands that had been resting at his sides coming up to grab her waist, digging in as she continued to ride him. He let them wander for a while, tentatively gripping one of her breasts until she gasped in pleasure above him and he realized he’d done something right.

So he gripped them again, harsher this time before sitting up a little so that he could bring his mouth to them. Trailing little kisses along the soft skin before wrapping his lips around the nipple and sucking gently. Everything he did still had a shyness about it, like he was worried she wouldn’t like it, like she’d tell him to stop.

But she could only do the opposite, “Fuck Spencer that feels fucking amazing” she moans out as he moves to the other nipple to repeat the action, and he has to keep himself from smiling at the praise, “Your cock feels so good too, shit”

He can tell she’s close, just like she was earlier when she was dreaming. But this time he gets to look without feeling embarrassed, without feeling like he’s about to wake up from some perfect dream. This was his perfect reality now. The thought alone makes him twitch inside of her but makes his heart swell all at once.

“I’m—I’m close” he gulps, falling back against the headboard again, his hands resting back on her waist while he just gazes up her adoringly.

“Me too, cum with me Spence, I wanna hear the pretty little noises you make when you cum inside me baby” her movements are growing more erratic by the second as her thighs start to grow tired and her body starts to give in.

And then they’re both cumming, and the little whines he lets out are so delicious, so needy and sweet. Exactly how she’d pictured in her own dream.

When she collapses on his chest she knows it won’t be the last time she hears those noises, not by a long shot.

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

In Your Arms ~J.M.

A/n: This wasn’t a request that inspired me to write a lot, so I didn’t, but I hope y’all enjoy this sweet little short! It’s been in my drafts way too long and I want to get more of these done so I can get to recent requests :)

Request: “...jack Morton x male reader where the reader is human of the pack and he always sleeps on the couch until the pack comes home. Jack thinks it’s adorable and carries him to his room and maybe they have a sleep talking conversation like reader:“no I have to wait for jack.” Jack:”why” reader:”because I like him”...”

Word Count: 1800+

MASTERLIST

Listen, being a werewolf in a human world is hard enough especially when it comes with a whole new world of secret societies and magic and literal demons and magic and endless rules that you have to learn and oh did I mention ACTUAL MAGIC?

It is exponentially harder when you make things worse by shoving a human into that world.

Y/n didn't have a werewolf ability to defend himself, or heal him when he got hurt. He didn't have magic... which you know thinking about it now, might be a good thing. He'd rather be useless than be part of the Order.

That was the problem though, wasn't it? He had chosen to be useless. That's what he was now.

I mean sure,  he'd read the books Jack had given him enough times to memorize them, and he was getting used to playing doctor. He was also getting really good at helping in small ways. Helping Hamish grade papers, or doing one night of homework for Lilith, or passing some messages around when Randall forgot because he was busy with supernatural stuff. He was great to talk or rant to, and all of the Knights had been utilizing the very nice ability to go off to someone who actually listens. Sure, he had fallen into a habit of taking notes for the Knights in the classes he had with each of them, if they missed. But... that was just school stuff. Sure it took off a lot of the pressure in the long run (a lot more than he probably even realized), but if they died what the fuck did school mater?

When Jack almost died after the whole meltdown with Silverback a while ago, it had really pushed Y/n into gear. He was a lot faster at responding to things; a lot more eager to help; and above all, the single most annoying person ever when it came to asking about going along to showdowns to play backup.

The others simply refused again and again, and, again and again, he would end up sitting in an empty room as he pretended to focus on whatever task he had given himself to kill time before the worry got to him and he just curled up on the couch ad stared at the ceiling. Worry ate him alive for several hours, and then he'd fall asleep. Most of the time because things always went far later than intended, but also sometimes because between being a student, having a job, scrambling to cover for your friends too, and spending several hours emotionally exhausting yourself with unimaginably high stress levels, one simply passes out.

As Y/n's falling asleep became more and more of a habit, things started to get complicated. Because the thing was, he always fell asleep waiting, so he would be in the Den's living room, uncomfortably scrunched on the couch. They'd left him there a few times and he always woke up sore and aching. They'd tried to wake him up a few times and, half delirious, he had overly emotional reactions. After he had broken down into tears at how happy he was to see all of them alive and then been so embarrassed he hadn't talked for three hours the next day in pure shame, they had decided against the waking him up method. Which only left one option: one of them carried him to bed.

Lilith had tried, but the size difference between her and Y/n was big enough that it was jst awkward for her. She was small (even though she'd never admit it). She's end up waking him up, or dropping him, and that was the last thing they wanted.

Hamish had also tried, but he was really awkward and didn't know how to let Y/n get comfortable in his arms while walking around so that he wouldn't wake up, so Y/n often would. Then it would be super awkward as they just stared at each other. Their relationship was too brotherly and rigid to make room for touching it seemed.

Of course Randall had given it a try, and he was actually fairly good at it, but as much as he was big enough to actually carry Y/n, and at ease enough to let Y/n stay asleep, he wasn't good at maneuvering, which often left him pinned under Y/n when he actually put the sleeping boy to bed. Which lead to a lot of them cuddling. Which, while that was chill and platonic and fun and stuff, made Jack super jealous.

Oh yeah, Jack had a HUGE crush on Y/n, so it only felt right that eventually everyone left it up to Jack to take Y/n to bed. He could pick Y/n up, carry him to bed, and put him in an actual bed without any problem.  Y/n didn't know this was happening. He had gotten used to everyone taking turns carrying him to bed, and they hadn't said anything so he assumed they'd just gotten better at it.

That's probably why on one particular night, he didn't simply assume that he was talking to Jack when he was picked up and began to be carried to bed.

That night was different, because Jack and Y/n had plans to study. Jack had an important test the next day and he and Y/n had the class in common, so Y/n had volunteered to stay up a little later to go through what Jack had missed. It had gotten derailed when Jack had been called away for Knight business, but Y/n had only written it off and told Jack that he'd still be there when it was over and they could continue if Jack was up for it. Unfortunately, it was one of the really time consuming ones, and Jack didn't get back until well into the night.

Dutifully, Y/n was asleep on the couch. His face was contorted oddly. Even asleep, the couch was uncomfortable enough to leave him with a permanent frown, even if it was soft since he was asleep. Jack wasn't surprised though - the couch was so small it barely fit two people on a good day, so sleeping on it was not a fun time.

Considering all of that, Jack thought it incredibly adorable that Y/n found a way to fall asleep on it anyway. They had told him a hundred times to just go to sleep in his bed, but he had refused time and time again. He had insisted that he needed to be as accessible as possible if nything went wrong. If they needed him, he had to be close. He insisted that it was best to be on the couch, and had sworn that he was trying to get into the habit of not falling asleep. But he always did, and he always ended up in the exact same situation. Not that Jack minded. It gave him a prime moment to hold his crush.

He scooped Y/n up now, smiling as the sleepy boy's head fell on Jack's chest. He sucked in a small breath but then settled. Jack chuckled to himself as Y/n pressed his nose into Jack's shirt, burying his face to get closer to the closest source of warmth since he didn't have a blanket. Jack began to carrying him to the stairs to head upstairs, but was stopped when Y/n's foot caught just a second on the doorframe. See, earlier Jack had hurt his arm. Due to werewolf healing it was almost fine, but it was still quite sore, and the tug on his shoulder when Y/n's ankle caught on the wall, forcing his leg into Jack's shoulder... Well it wasn't a big enough pain to make him drop Y/n or shout or anything, but it was enough to startle Y/n just a little bit awake.

"Wh- what?" Y/n mumbled, blinking heavy eyelids as he tried to look around. Jack winced, feeling guilt rise. "What happened? What did I miss?" His words were slurred, and it was obvious that he was barely conscious.

"Nothing," Jack reassured, hoping Y/n would just go back to sleep. If he knew Jack was there he would insist on staying up and helping. It would be nice and much appreciated - since Jack really did need help - but more than Jack needed help, Y/n needed sleep. He had been crashing on the couch for a reason; he was exhausted.

So Jack immediately rushed to soothe, "Nothing happened, just hit your foot on the wall by accident. Go back to sleep."

Y/n huffed, a whine in his voice when he argued, "No put me back." Jack tried to swallow a smile. It was adorable seeing a sleepy, whiny Y/n and that on top of his sleepy voice that was low and grumbly and kept cracking and having the boy in his arms, Jack was having a hard time not feeling a bit giddy.

He tried to keep his head on a little longer though. He needed to get Y/n to bed. "And why do you NEED to go to bed?" He teased lightly.

"I have to wait for Jack," Y/n mumbled, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. "We have plans."

Jack's smile turned warm. He thought about telling he who he was, but if he did then he'd NEVER get Y/n to sleep, so he decided to lean into the misconception that he was no in fact himself. "Jack will understand. It's late, you need to sleep."

"No," Y/n insisted with a firmer voice. He tried to struggle, but it was genuinely so pathetic that only a few seconds later he was still.

It made Jack wonder what Y/n was so desperate for though. "Why not?"

"He has a test tomorrow," Y/n explained with a soft irritation. "He needs help."

"You don't have to help him," Jack reminded softly, feeling suddenly guilty for some reason. Had he made Y/n feel obligated to help him?

"No I don't," Y/m agreed. "But I want to."

"Want to what?" Jack joked. "Stay away with a loser like him and lose sleep you need?" He had reached the top of the stairs now, and was headed to Y/n's door.

Y/n just rolled his eyes. "He's not a loser, but he does need help, and I can sacrifice a little sleep to help him with something he really needs. Making small sacrifices liek that is just what you do when you love someone."

Jack froze. WHAT?

When it was quiet for a long stretch of time, Y/n finally succumbed to the tiredness and his soft snores vibrated against Jack's chest. He cleared his throat and shook his head, opening the door and putting Y/n to bed. When he left the room, closing the door behind him, he came out with the biggest fucking grin he had ever worn.

Y/n like him back.

They had a lot to talk about tomorrow, and none of it had anything to do with a stupid test Jack no longer remembered. Because he loved Y/n too, and that's all he could think about right now.

Sorry Miss Styne.