#it really was a fascinating vacation. I talked to so many interesting people! about sites and history;

[notbecauseofvictories]

Am about to start 4 back-to-back meetings with a vicious head cold, half a cup of coffee, a sleep schedule all over the place, and the dregs of everything I took last night to get my incredibly stupid, disease-ridden body to calm down for five seconds.

Pray for me.

[correspondencearchive]

2. Natalia Nakazawa & Nazanin Noroozi

Natalia Nakazawa and Nazanin Noroozi discuss their use of archives and photographs, creating hybrid narratives, cultural transmission, and the formation of personal and cultural memories.

Natalia Nakazawa, Obtrait I, Jacquard woven textile, 71 x 53 inches, 2015, Photo credit: Jeanette May

Natalia Nakazawa: First off, Naz, how are you doing? There has been so much going on - it is far too easy to forget we have bodies. We have families, we have things we need to do, and we need to take care of ourselves. As they say, put the oxygen mask on first, and then help others. Can you maybe start by just telling us what your day looks like? What are you doing to take care of yourself?

Nazanin Noroozi: I’m doing ok. I have to balance my day job and my studio time. My day job is working in high-end interior design firms in which our clients spend millions and millions of $$$ on luxury goods. It is very interesting to look at the wage gap especially considering the pandemic. When someone can spend 40k on a coffee table for their vacation house, and you hear all the issues with the stimulus checks etc, it makes you wonder about our value system and how our society functions.

As for self-care, I guess just like any other artist, I buy tons of art supplies that I may or may not need! I just bought a heavy-duty industrial paper cutter that can cut a really thick stack of paper! I needed it! I really don't have room for it, but I bought it! So that is my method of self-care! Treat myself to things that I like but may be problematic in the future. ;)

Natalia: I recently re-watched Stephanie Syjuco’s Art21 feature online where she talks about having to actively decide to become a citizen of the US, despite having come to this country at the age of 3. One of the poignant points she brings up is how we are all reckoning right now with what it means to be “American”. She also brings up the iconic photo taken by Dorothea Lange  of a large sign reading “I am an American” put up by a Japanese American in Oakland right after the declaration of internment - thinking about how citizenship can be given or taken away. This all feels very relevant right now. What do you think about these questions? How do you use archives and photos of our past to engage in these issues of belonging, citizenship, and the precarity of it all?

Nazanin: What I try to do with archives is to question them as modes of cultural transmission and historical memory. I think many artists deal with archives in a more clinical and objective manner, whereas I like to add my own agency to these found photographs. When one looks at a family album or found footage, one is already looking at fragmented narratives. You never know a whole story when you look at your friend’s old family albums. I truly embrace this fragmented, broken narrative and try to make it my own. I also constantly move back and forth between still and moving images, printmaking and painting, experimental films and artist books. So there is this hybridity in the nature of found footage itself that I try to activate in my work. In these works handmade cinema is used as a medium to re-create an already broken narrative told by others, sometimes complete strangers to tell stories about trauma and displacement. That is what fascinates me about archives. The fact that you can recreate your story and make a new fictional alt-reality.

Nazanin Noroozi, Self Portrait

Natalia: But who is to say these if fictional alt-realities are less important or less serious than purely “art historical” narratives? One of the things that I am exploring in my work is giving space for slippages in memory, rearranging of timelines to accommodate a lived experience. What happens when we look at collections - even museum collections - with the same warmth, tenderness, and care that we would an old friend? What possibilities are dislodged there? What benefit is there to towing the status quo - which is built on white supremacy, stolen artifacts, and other types of lying, exclusion and dubious authoritative storytelling? Also, there are so many family histories that often become reified - being told and retold with certainty over and over again. How do we claim agency from that oppressive knowledge? The things we tell ourselves about our families may not be “true” so what do we risk by revisiting our archives and re-telling those histories through our current eyes? When we re-examine the history - we may discover new ways of seeing and being with ourselves.

Nazanin: I like to think of photographs as sites of refuge. When you look at a photograph of a kid’s birthday from many years ago, you know for fact that this joyous moment is long gone. These mundane moments that bring you “happiness” and security won't last. It’s like “all that is solid melts into air”. In a larger picture, isn't everything in life fragile and fleeting and there is absolutely no certainty in life?  For example, look at how Covid has changed our “normal everyday” life. A simple birthday party for your kid was unimaginable for months. In “Purl” and “Elite 1984”  I mix these mundane moments with images of flood, natural disasters and other forces of nature to talk about fragile states of being and ideas of home. I digitally and manually manipulate footages of a stormy Caspain Sea, Mount Damavand or a glacier melt to ask my questions about failure or resistance, you know? I let the images tell me the new narrative, both visually and thematically.  

Something I find really interesting in your work is how you re-create these alt-realities by actively and physically engaging your audience into participating in your work, like your textile maps - called Our Stories of Migration? Do you have any fear that they may tell a story you don't like? Or take your work to a place that you didn't anticipate? How do you deal with an open-ended artwork that is finished but it needs an audience to be complete?

Natalia Nakazawa, Our Stories of Migration, Jaquard woven textiles, hand embroidery, shisha mirrors, beetle wings, beads, yarn, 36 x 16 feet, 2020, Photo credit: Vanessa Albury

Natalia: I am always stunned by the generosity of the people I meet - those who dive in and share their own histories - and I think it points to a universal need of ours to share and connect. There is always potential to create intimacy - even within the walls of large institutions, such as schools or museums - when our own lives are placed at the center with care and concern. I’ve never heard a story that didn’t make me pause and grant me more space for contemplating the complexity of being a human on this planet. We have all kinds of mechanisms for memory - archives, written diaries, photos, paintings, objects - but at the end of the day they are nothing without our active participation. Quite literally they are meaningless unless they are being interacted with. That has been the entry point for me, as an artist and educator. How do we take all of these things that exist in the material world and make sense out of them? What does the process of “making sense” do to the way we live TODAY? Or, perhaps, how we envision the future? It is almost like a yoga practice, a stretching of the mind, a flexibility to think backwards and forwards - that lends us more space to consider the present.

Nazanin: Yeah! I think you really are on point here! I think we really can't understand our existence without retelling the history and recreating new realities.

Nazanin Noroozi, The Rip Tide

Natalia: Thank you, Nazanin! Anything coming up for you that you want to mention?

Nazanin: Yes, I am actually doing a really amazing residency at Westbeth for a year. This is an incredible opportunity as I get to live in the Village for one year and have a live-work space in such an amazing place. Westbeth is home to many wonderful artists!

Natalia Nakazawa, History has failed us...but no matter, Jacquard textiles, laser cut Arches watercolor paper, vinyl, jewels, concentrated watercolor and acrylic on wood panel, 40 x 90 inches, 2019, Photo credit: Jeanette May

Natalia Nakazawa is a Queens-based interdisciplinary artist working across the mediums of painting, textiles, and social practice. Utilizing strategies drawn from a range of experiences in the fields of education, arts administration, and community activism, Natalia negotiates spaces between institutions and individuals, often inviting participation and collective imagining. Natalia received her MFA in studio practice from California College of the Arts, a MSEd from Queens College, and a BFA in painting from the Rhode Island School of Design. She has recently presented work at the Arlington Arts Center (Washington, DC), Transmitter Gallery (Brooklyn, NY), Wassaic Project (Wassaic, NY), Museum of Arts and Design (New York, NY), and The Metropolitan Museum of Art (New York, NY). Natalia was an artist in residence at MASS MoCA, SPACE on Ryder Farm, The Children’s Museum of Manhattan, Wassaic Project, and Triangle Arts.

www.natalianakazawa.com @nakazawastudio

Nazanin Noroozi is a multimedia artist incorporating moving images, printmaking and alternative photography processes to reflect on notions of collective memory, displacement and fragility. Noroozi’s work has been widely exhibited in both Iran and the United States, including the Immigrant Artist Biennial, Noyes Museum of Art, NY Live Arts, Prizm Art Fair, and Columbia University. She is the recipient of awards and fellowships from the Artistic Freedom Initiative, Elizabeth Foundation for the Arts, NYFA IAP 2018, Mass MoCA Residency, North Adams, MA and Saltonstall Foundation for the Arts Residency, NY. She is an editor at large of Kaarnamaa, a Journal of Art History and Criticism. Noroozi completed her MFA in painting and drawing from Pratt Institute. Her works have been featured in various publications and media including BBC News Persian, Elephant Magazine, Financial Times, and Brooklyn Rail.

www.nazaninnoroozi.net @nazaninnoroozi

[masterheartsxiii]

Notes from mass 9/20/20

A note before I start. This was my first time at mass by myself, as a non-catholic. It was also my first time taking notes. I am looking to be challenged and hold discussion on my thoughts.

I grew up non-denominational, I didn’t know much about Catholicism other than that they worshiped Mary and stuff (things I found out were wrong later). Eventually I started spending time with my dear friend, who was catholic. She and I went back and forth as she brought forward points about catholic faith, and I would pose counter arguments. There was a point where she seemed close to snapping away towards a different denomination, closer to mine. But then, she suddenly snapped back. Her connection to her Catholic faith became like steel, forged in the heat of questioning. This fire fascinated me. I now know that she had an advisor who helped temper that steel into its current shape on this site, but that doesn’t change that she found something about Catholicism that resonated, or else no amount of advice would have caused it. So I had to know. I have to know. What about Catholicism draws one closer to God even when fought against with more Protestant views. For that reason, I have begun going to Catholic Mass, starting now due to covid, and long to have my answers about God and the universe answered.

Now the notes proper:

I arrived late due to traffic and going to a new church. Will have to prepare for that earlier. Due to this I had to sit in the back outside of the church proper.

Gospel was on the parable of the men who were hired at different times yet paid the same amount.

>An interesting parable. One that would easily reflect on any time period, and all have surely felt similar.

Homily begins:

Talking about vacation?

>Not really sure how this all connects

The priest went to Maine

>I get he’s trying to relate this, but talking about vacation as your connection seems odd during times where quarantine is supposed to be in place.

Got distracted on how to take notes

>I was trying to figure out how best to take notes by looking at the examples my dear friend has posted in the past. I resolved then to get a notebook and have since done so so that my notes can be taken and translated later.

The priest gets back to the parable

>Finally. I guess the connection was between lobster farmers and field workers, but that seems thin.

The fairness is what we focus on, but the point of the parable is gods love.

>Well that seems obvious. But it has an important point to make, and right as I thought that he continued

Christianity, like field work, can be back breaking.

>Living with an atheist, can agree.

We need to save all people no matter when in their life. (But what rewards are there besides the end?)

>So the parenthesis are the thoughts I had at the time that I felt needed to be jotted down. These carrots are post church reflections. But it is a common thought. How often have I gone to God and said “I’ve done all this for you. I’ve been here since I was a child? Why am I not getting benefits. Why don’t my wishes carry more weight? My god, my god, why have you forsaken me.”

We might harbor feelings that we’ve been unfairly treated (no rewards to be in early)

>precisely. We feel that just because someone “got on board late” they shouldn’t be given equal treatment. But that’s not right. We should want the best for everyone. To hold someone to a standard of when they became a follower, why do we assume that makes them lesser? Isn’t that judgement? There is only one Judge, and it isn’t any of us on Earth.

Why do we think that? Why do we feel it’s “better” that we wish we could have joined later.

>That brings up an interesting conundrum. Often times we think the best way, even as Christians is to fall into this trap. We say “well it’s alright if I break this rule as long as I ask forgiveness” but that could devolve into a whole tangent of what is right vs what feels good. I’d be happy to discuss that more in the comments or a dm.

Better to rejoice that we added more people to the kingdom of heaven.

>On this we can easily agree. It is a victory to add someone, but where does it end? Do we check in and make sure they’re actually living it out? Surely just getting them to confess isn’t the end. That gets into circle of control vs circle of influence. Something my therapist and I have been working through. But while my circle of control is small with a larger circle of influence, an interesting irony is that God’s circle of control is massive, but he chooses to only use his influence, less we become puppets. Idk. This is where my mind wanders to.

Started talking about donations? That felt out of place.

>Yeah I guess just because it’s nearing the end of the fiscal year, it’s time to bring in money. It was an unfortunate time for me to first visit as I’m sure it sounded more greedy than intended, but it did feel weird that they ended the homily with it. Is that normal. I have no comparative reference.

I left before communion as I don’t feel I can go to it yet as a non catholic (why so isolating?)

>Something I’ve always wrestled with. The requirement to be catholic before receiving communion. Jesus said “let the little children come into me”. He didn’t require them to vow to him first. Jesus dined with beggars, crooks, and tax collectors. He never required them to be a part of his church before then. And then of course there’s the fact that is in spirit the body and blood of Christ. I grew up with communion being symbolic, not a true transformation. For a long time I viewed that as a weird interpretation. But I’ve seen it. The times I went to mass with my dear friend in the past I saw the power that the reverence and respect the priest placed on it. The Meal is more than a symbol, but I believe that is only to those that believe it so. My literal brain has trouble seeing past the veil, but I did for one fleeting moment and it’s stuck with me.

I felt so alone. How does one connect to god at these things? He is held so far above. How can one reach.

>I’ve never gone to mass by myself. I’ve always had at least my dear friends long side me. Ins one ways that was a detriment. After all, if ones focus is torn between two places, can one truly grasp Heaven’s message for you? But on the other side, without anyone beside me at church, how am I to parse these feelings. I am a Stranger in a Strange Land, and without a spiritual guide, how am I to reach it. I fear my journey will be impossible alone. I will pray on this.

One final note: the priest says it feels like the devil has really had his way with this year. It has been a hard year for sure, but how much is this the work of devils and how much is the work of man. The age old question does the devil really exist: or is it just the Bible’s embodiment of man’s free will, given personification. May pursue this more.

>A thought I’ve had many times. One I’d love to discuss. The Bible has many allegories. Might the devil be one as well. After all humans with free will don’t need something bad influencing them. That’s actually the problem with some other denominations. The ones that make “Hell Houses” the prescribe everything to “demons” and that takes humanity’s free will out of the equation. The devil may not exist. There may instead just be humanity’s desire to turn away from blinding light. Thoughts?

[aamizeauthor]

Spoiler Free Review : Suicide Forest

Ok so, long story short, I woke up  this morning NEEDING a new book. Since it’s Friday the 13th, a full moon, and I need to read horror/supernatural/thriller genre books for research into my own novel, I decided to go with something spooky.  I found this one right off the bat and yes, I did read it in a day. It’s been a roller coaster, for sure. At first I was disappointed with some things. First, the dialog gets sort of choppy sometimes and doesn’t carry on in a way that felt “natural”. On several occasions I found myself going back to reread a section because I was no long sure of who was talking. I know there is such thing as too many dialog tags, but this could have stood just a few more here and there.  Second, the knowledge (or lack thereof) these characters have of Japan was really hit or miss. For example, some of them had lived there for years but didn’t know basic Japanese, “forgot” that books are written right to left (or maybe this one was tossed in to be a moment of like... THIS IS A THING ABOUT JAPAN), and despite living in Tokyo, had no idea what Aokigahara was. I find this difficult to believe since I live in small town USA and still know about the infamous Suicide Forest. It’s tragic, yet fascinating, which is why I bought this book in the first place. Third, there are some inconsistencies that bugged me, beyond those listed above. I don’t want to get into detail, but some characters have no problem getting down and dirty close to a “grave site” but a few pages later suddenly have an issue camping there. Um. Yeah. Okay. Last issue, (I promise) happened to be the backstories. Now, I know there are people who like that stuff, I just happen to not be one of them. I don’t like introducing characters by name unless they mean something to the plot. I feel like a lot of the back stories in this book could be left out. I skimmed through most of them and still got everything I needed.

Now for the good stuff, being the feeling of suspense. There was plenty of foreshadowing and it was satisfying putting the pieces together as I read. When something happened that I saw coming, I was excited. The author does a great job of pushing suspense. I writhed at the injuries and exclaimed (too loudly) when I was surprised by a twist. Most of my irritations were in first half of the book, allowing for the second half to go crazy with anticipation of what was to happen next. Even when I thought I knew what was going on, something would happen that would make me say “holy shit man... ok.. uh... yeah, that happened”.  Although the character’s knowledge of Japanese culture was a bit off for people who’ve lived there for so long, I will say that there are lots of interesting facts about Japan and Aokigahara. Most of the later ones I was aware of, but it was still a crazy feeling when the author described things that I’ve seen before in documentaries about the forest. It was a strange feeling of recognition. Sort of like when you go on vacation or live somewhere and someone films a movie there. Something about seeing a place you recognize personally is a somewhat surreal experience and I felt the same way about this. Reading about places and things that you’ve seen/heard about before is spooky (in a good way). Despite the things I didn’t like, I’ll say that I’ll likely read this again in the future and will also pick up a few other books from this series as well. Maybe I’ll review them. We’ll see. For now, I’m going to end this and start on a new book that I also bought today, The Black Tower. No, it’s not really new, and neither is this one but I don’t care. I’ve never done a review and wanted to try it out.

[suechoiart]

SU19 Internship_ Week 4

Today I want to talk about client relations and office productivity. 

Firma started business in 2015 and it is a relatively young firm. It has been interesting to see where Scott has adopted practices from Olin (where he had worked for over a decade) and where he is trying to cultivate new standards and a “knowledgebase” for his own firm. I love the energy of the firm and their attention to office improvement- it really feels like they are in for Firma to be a good firm, and not just one that exists. 

I attempted very, very briefly to do freelancing as an artist and I like to entertain the idea of having my own practice in the distant future. My (marriage) partner has been running his own business for nearly five years. Entrepreneurship and small business are both dreams and reality to our lives. So, another benefit to working at Firma is: this is a chance to absorb a lot of small business skills. 

_ project management (Asana) 

Firma is a small office. There’s enough breathing room for two regular employees, one intern, and an extra desk for a second intern (or new employee?!). Anyways point is, we are always in earshot of each other when we’re in the office together. It is still very important to touch base and keep track of project/office tasks and progress! 

Firma uses a service called Asana to track to-do lists. I think I’ve heard Asana be advertised on a podcast, so it must be popular in the tech field (just a guess)... Few notable things are: each task has its own section to take notes and create subtasks; tasks can be assigned to specific people and put a deadline on it, so you can open your profile and see what tasks have bee assigned to you.

My task page under “intern tasks” - some are actually assigned to my profile, some are floating tasks that have been filed in this category. I don’t have access to any ‘pro’ features, so this could be substituted with any document sharing platform in my world... The important thing is probably to actually use it and update it regularly. 

This has been a helpful tool for us to get together at the beginning of each week and assess priorities. Yesterday (Monday/Week5) was the first time in my internship we looked through all active projects and checked through any outstanding tasks. (With summer vacation days, it’s been a quick 4 weeks!) During that process, Scott and Sarah added new tasks to projects, archived projects that are no longer active (e.g. the rest of the work was not part of the scope anymore.) It was good to listen to that conversation to get a sense of when projects finish, when limbos happen, etc...

_ scope 

Scott shared with me a copy of a new “Proposal for Landscape Architectural Services” that he had written for a new client. (The client has accepted the proposal and we have started working on this project!) 

The scope is essentially the contract of work between the LA and the client. Along with fees, this proposal lists a range of services that will be provided organized by phases (e.g. 1-Schematic Design, ...) over a schedule, a estimated time frame for services to be completed. In addition to what Firma will do, there is a section called “Assumptions/Exclusions” that list, well, exactly assumptions and exclusions stated by the designer for the client to review. 

For instance, if the scope outlines production of CAD drawings but not other renderings - any task for Firma to produce visual renderings for municipality reviews would be an additional service, because it was not included in the initial scope. 

This document also includes the fascinating world of fees! Firma typically charges in lump sum (e.g. $100,000 for all work rather than $200/hr), and Scott shared that price reflects his experience with similar types of work and how many hours he typically spent on similar jobs. He also keeps in mind market standards for landscape architect work. For instance, firms with more ‘boutique’ reputation (”market power”) could, in addition to assumed hours spent, charge a little more and still attract clients! 

So it is within this scope that Scott and Sarah create tasks on Asana; and based on those tasks we work and keep track of our time spent... 

_ time tracking (Harvest) 

I think this has been one of the best things I’m going to gain this summer- the very habit of time tracking. Firma uses a service called Harvest to keep track of time spent for different projects. I’ve had multiple conversations with different design students about how much work design students do, and how little there is to show for it.... If not good design, I have now developed the habit of showing how much time I’ve been doing stuff--! 

What I’ve done on June 14. This was a day with various tasks- some days I’ve spent more than 7 hours on one single project; and it has been cool to be able to see all of that! 

There isn’t too much to share from my window, but I can speak to the strength of Harvest over just pencil scribbles. Through this platform, you can create a list of sub-tasks per projects and even categorize them - e.g. into “billable” and “non-billable” hours. In a previous office I worked, we tracked by hand (or recited by memory?) how many hours were spent on a project, and it was to be tallied by the person creating the invoice... But this interface prompts you to log descriptions, categories for projects, etc.... And you can get a quick glance at what you’ve done in a week! 

This was the week I spent mostly researching and creating a presentation for outdoor furnishings-- more than half of the week was spent on it! 

Obviously I won’t have billable hours doing my school homework, but this in itself is a brilliant thought to just track what I am doing when. It would be good to find a free or personal version of this software to use on my own. 

Anyways, Scott uses this to tally up the hours spent on jobs- I think he uses his professional discretion before writing the invoice, but he has a solid body of documentation to back up ‘work done’ when he is talking to clients. I think that is so cool! 

_ reflection 

I ended up just geeking out over what we do in the office, but I really am impressed that Firma incorporates smart ‘apps’ that exist out in the wild. I guess I’ve just never worked in an environment like that and hadn’t thought of those workflows that make lives easier! Of course, this increases office productivity (less time spent mulling over “what did I do?” and more “do!”) and keeps everyone very accountable, which I believe leads to a happy work environment. 

I do want to share one story about scope -- Scott shared that clients typically reduce scope first by dropping site visits. He attributed this to how site visits occur typically in the later part of the project when clients realize how MUCH money they’re paying (which is what they agreed to pay!). So I’ve learned that there are scopes where the site visit is not included at all, and some that have a lot less site visits than designers would like. 

I got to follow along to one site visit, where it turned out the landscaping contractors had been operating on a old planting plan. When we got there, they had already ordered based on the old planting plan and started planting as such, and the plants that arrive were different too, because it’s based on wholesale availability... Thankfully the new planting plan was not a big departure from the old one, but Scott had to make a lot of new decisions on site that he wasn’t planning on. He mentioned that this particular project did not include as many site visits as he’d like, so the other times he’s visited, there was always something slightly different than what they had proposed... 

_ closing

This (last) week I’ve learned that landscape/landscaping is a particularly difficult career to ‘see through,’ since there are so many variables along the way. The nursery might not have the right plants, whoever is installing or maintaining it might introduce a new problem, or the weather just might say no.... There is always something to be cautious about, and it requires a whole lot of optimism and patience to tend to these issues! 

Oh, I didn’t get a chance to address client-designer relationships at all! 

Next week I want to talk about company structure, hierarchy, and employee management. !! Fun stuff 

[cmhoughton]

This interview by Karen (the Site Admin for Diana’s pages on the LitForum and previous CompuServe forum) is split up into two pages.  It’s been ten years since she started her blog, so this interview celebrates that.  However, since the pages took FOREVER to load I will spare everyone the frustration and post them both here.

However, since this is long, I will put it behind a cut:

In celebration of the 10th anniversary of Outlandish Observations, I'm very pleased to bring you my first-ever interview with Diana Gabaldon! Frankly, the idea of interviewing Diana Gabaldon was a little nervewracking for me at first, even though I've known her online since 2007 and we interact almost daily on TheLitForum.com (formerly the Compuserve Books and Writers Community).  I've never interviewed anyone before, and it took me a while to decide what questions to ask. I did my best to come up with questions that are somewhat different from the usual things people always ask her.  I'm just DELIGHTED with her answers, and I hope you'll enjoy them as much as I did! (The photo above is from my first meeting with Diana, at a book-signing in Maryland in 2009.) You've published a number of novellas and shorter pieces in the last few years. What do you see as the advantages of the shorter format, for you as a writer? They're shorter. <g> I.e., I can finish one in much less time than the four to five years it takes for one of the Big Books. Basically, it's a bit of a mental vacation to deal with something that's very interesting, but on a smaller scale--and offers a quicker gratification in completing it. The novellas offer me the opportunity to go explore the byways of minor characters and interesting storylines that lie outside either the temporal or the logistical reach of the Big Books. Do you still write in "pieces" when you're working on a novella or short story, or is it more of a straight-line process? I always write in disconnected pieces, no matter what I’m writing; that’s just how my mind works. (I had one interviewer recently pause for a long moment after I’d answered one of her questions--obviously thumbing down her list--and then say, “I had a lot more questions, but you seem to have answered most of them already, while you were answering the one I asked you.” I apologized <g>, and explained that I inherited my digressive story-telling from my father--he’d begin (usually at the dinner table) with a recollection of someone from his past, and would start telling you a story about them--but every second paragraph or so, something he’d said would start a digression that added social context or personal opinion or associated history or data on location, and then without missing a beat, the story would swerve back onto its main track--until the next digression a minute later.) As I always tell people, “There’s a reason why I write long books; it’s because I like digression.” You've made very effective use of Twitter and Facebook in recent years, and many fans are addicted to your #DailyLines. How has the rise of social media affected the way you interact with your readers and fans? With your busy schedule, where do you find the time? Well, social media has sort of grown up around me. Back in 1985, I first went “online” (a concept that really didn’t exist in the popular consciousness yet) when I got an assignment to write a software review for BYTE magazine, and they sent with the software a disk for a trial membership with CompuServe (aside from government services like DARPA, “online” in the mid-80’s basically consisted of three “information services”: Delphi, Genie and CompuServe), so I could poke into the support forum the software vendors had set up there, and mention it in my review. After writing the review, I had a few hours of free connect time left (in a time when you were charged $30 an hour for using CompuServe—at 300 baud, dial-up), and so I started poking around to see what else was available. I stumbled into the CompuServe Literary Forum. This was not (as people sometimes assume) a writer’s group. It was a group of people who liked books. There were a few writers there, of course, both established and aspiring, but the main focus was simply on books: reading, impact, thinking in response to reading--and it was also just a fertile ground in which enormous, digressive and fascinating conversations could flourish (there was one truly remarkable conversation that became known as “the Great Dildo Thread,” that went on for months…). Anyway, that was where social media (which didn’t exist as a concept yet, though plainly it existed in fact) and I met. The next step was my website, established in 1994 (I think I was the first author to build a website for readers--and my eternal thanks to Rosana Madrid Gatti, who generously did the hard work of making and running the site; I sent her material and she’d post it for me (this was a looong time before WordPress and other blogging software made it possible for anybody to communicate directly with the world online). I did the website mostly in response to reader’s enthusiasm; I got a LOT of mail (regular letters) about the books, from people being complimentary, asking questions, taking issue with various aspects--but all of them wanted to know more: why did Claire do this, where did I find out about botanical medicine, did people really do that…and most particularly--when was the next book coming out. So the website was a means of answering reader questions--both for the readers who had asked those questions, and for the entertainment of other readers who perhaps hadn’t thought of those questions, but would be interested in the answers. The benefit of only having to type an answer once (many people naturally ask the same questions) was obvious--as was the benefit of being able to inform people of pub dates, book-signings, etc. So, knowing the benefits of such a channel, when other channels became available--AOL, for instance--I’d use them, at least briefly, and see whether they seemed helpful. Some were, some weren’t--I never bothered with MySpace, and in fact, it took some time for me to try Facebook (which I still use sparingly; I never go anywhere on Facebook other than my own page, and it’s what they call a “celebrity” page, which means that I don’t take “friend” requests. Nor, I’m afraid, can I read the private messages that people kindly leave me there--at the moment, the page has more than 700,000 members (or whatever you call regular visitors), and if only one percent of them send me messages…that’s 7,000 messages. There’s no way I can even read that many messages, let alone respond to them. Twitter also proved to be very useful; it provides instant access to a lot of people--and more valuable than that, it provides organic replication. If you post something interesting, many, many more people will see it, beyond the people who actually follow you. And it’s very good for making short-term announcements or asking urgent questions, because somewhere in the world, the person who can answer that question is awake and reading Twitter. <g> What's the most challenging, or frustrating, or difficult part of your role as consultant on the TV series? (I understand there are things you can't talk about, but can you comment on this in general?) Well, frustrations are of two types: 1) when a scriptwriter has done something that I think is not consistent with a character’s…er, character, and I can’t get them (“them” meaning not just the scriptwriter, but the production team in general) to change it, and 2) when they’ve shot something absolutely beautiful, in terms of acting, honesty, emotion, etc.--and then cut it out of the finished episode. What's the most fun part? The fun lies in seeing something remarkable evolve from a huge number of component parts, day by day by day. It’s like watching a forest grow in stop-motion time that speeds everything up. Would you be interested in writing another script for the TV show, after BEES is done? Yes, I would. It was a deeply interesting (if occasionally frustrating) experience. Script-writing is a very collaborative process, in which the script writer ultimately does not have complete control over the final product, which may have been rewritten several times by different people. That’s a very different experience from being a solitary god, as novelists are. <g> But it’s a fascinating experience, both in the consultation and writing (and revision and revision and revision…) and in the eventual final result: the filming. Filming is long, tedious, hard work--but very entertaining. As the OUTLANDER TV series approaches its fourth season, we're starting to see many more readers who've found your books as a result of the TV show. Aside from the effect on book sales (which must be considerable <g>), I'm interested to hear what you think about that. Do you find that people who found the TV show first tend to have different expectations, or different reactions to the books? People who’ve read the books first definitely have different reactions to the show <g>, but I don’t think the reverse is really true. I haven’t heard a lot of show-first people express any sense of shock or disapproval as to things happening in the books--they expect to see an expanded version of the story, with a lot more detail and more storylines, and that’s what they get. Many OUTLANDER fans, including myself, have re-read (or re-listened to) your books many, many times. Do you have a favorite author or authors whose books you re-read often, and if so, what is it about those books that makes them stand up well to re-reading? Yes, dozens. Right now, I’m re-reading all of Dorothy L. Sayers’s Lord Peter Wimsey novels, for probably the twentieth time. (I continue to enjoy them, but to be honest, I’m re-reading them now because I can put them down easily in order to work.) James Lee Burke would be another one, though I haven’t re-read his Dave Robicheaux novels as often as Sayers. And then there are Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey/Maturin novels--I’ve read the series maybe three times, but listened to it on audio probably twenty times, at least--the reader, Patrick Tull, is fantastic, and the story always holds my interest while dog-walking or gardening. Like these, all the books I feel are worth re-reading depend on unique and engaging individuals. I like to spend time with these people (and on a lower level, I enjoy seeing just _how_ the author did what they did; knowing as much now as I do about the craft of writing, it’s hard to avoid seeing the techniques in use--a book that can suck me in sufficiently that I _don’t_ notice the engineering is definitely one I can re-read).

Part 2:

I'm not a writer of fiction, but I love it when Diana explains various writing techniques. So I thought it would be interesting to explore this particular one. I was astounded, and very grateful, that Diana replied in such detail! Be sure to click on the links about halfway through this post to read the examples from the text. *** SPOILER WARNING!! *** If you haven't read WRITTEN IN MY OWN HEART'S BLOOD (Book 8 of the OUTLANDER series), you may encounter spoilers below. I was listening recently to the section of MOHB that deals with the Battle of Monmouth. It must be quite a challenge to write a complex series of scenes like that, with so many moving parts and different characters involved. Are there specific techniques that you use in writing battle scenes in particular, to give a sense of immediacy or heighten the dramatic tension? Managing a complex situation in fiction comes down essentially to Point of View.  You have to know whose head you’re in, and stay firmly there. Until you change to a different point-of-view character, that is… Who the point-of-view character is determines what kind of detail will be available to you, and guides the shape and flow of those periods of the text that belong to that specific character. For example (as you mention the Battle of Monmouth section of WRITTEN IN MY OWN HEART’S BLOOD), the first thing I considered was whose viewpoint(s) to use in depicting it.  I’d read several accounts of the battle, including a very detailed step-by-step description provided by one of Osprey’s Men-at-War books, so I knew the general character of the battle:  it was a huge military encounter, involving more than 10,000 troops on either side, multiple commanders, and a ragged, rolling terrain that didn’t accommodate the standard eighteenth-century military formations and positioning At All. (No one chose the ground on which to fight; that particular stretch of farmland was just where Washington’s troops caught up with General Clinton’s troops, who were retreating from Philadelphia with a large number of fleeing Loyalists (and their property) under the army’s protection.) It was also a very long battle, fought from slightly before daybreak until well after dark, on one of the hottest days known (temperatures were estimated--ex post facto--at over a hundred degrees during the hottest part of the day). And it was an indecisive battle: neither side “won”--the British withdrew with their dependents and baggage trains and retired toward New York (which is what they’d been doing when the Americans attacked), and the Americans staggered back to their camps to recover, tend the wounded, and bury their dead. The significance of the battle, though, was subtle but Very Important--the Americans didn’t lose. This discomfited the British extremely, and heartened the Americans to an equal degree, enabling Washington to pursue his campaign. OK, so we have a very complex mess to describe. Obviously, no one person could possibly see enough of the battle to have any idea how it was going, let alone what strategy was in use. So I knew from the start that I’d need more than one viewpoint character, and could then switch among them as needed to give their separate takes on what was happening to them, and the reader would get both the necessary information as to what was happening overall, and the sense of chaos and struggle that marked the day. Obviously, Jamie Fraser had to be one of those characters; he’s a central figure of the story, and he’s a trained and very experienced soldier. So I contrived a way for him to be in command of a sizable (though informal) company of militia during the battle. Militia companies were normally fairly small bands of thirty to fifty men, who signed up for short enlistments and returned to their farms or businesses when the enlistment period ran out, and a great many militia companies joined the American army just before this battle--not all of them were documented, and thus it was entirely plausible for the temporarily-appointed General Fraser to be in command of several. So, Jamie would naturally see combat, both personally and as a commander. He’d be in communication with other commanders, and would know the proposed strategy, as well as specific moving goals as the battle was going on. And he’d be interacting with the soldiers under his command and responding to emergencies.  [NB:  Notice, through these examples, the sort of details that each character is conscious of and how they respond to them.] Example #1 (Jamie in the cider orchard) Then, of course, I wanted Claire. Both because she’d never leave Jamie on a battlefield alone again, and because as a surgeon, she’d have a completely different view of the battle. She’d be handling the wounded who came off the field, in a series of medical procedures/emergencies, but would also have a general sense of the battle as a whole, gained from the things the wounded men told her while she was treating them. Example #2 (Claire tending the wounded at Tennent Church) But we can’t overlook the other side of the conflict. What’s going on, on the British side? Well, we have a choice of POV characters on that side:  William, Lord John, and Hal. I used both William and Lord John (Lord John’s thread has been running through the whole book and the punch in the eye Jamie gave him at the beginning is affecting what happens to him throughout the battle and its aftermath). But while Jamie and Claire are carrying out fairly orthodox roles in the battle--a general in command/soldier on the field and a combat medic at a static aid station on the edge of the conflict--William and Lord John aren’t. William’s been relieved of duty and Lord John is essentially trying to stay alive long enough to reach the British lines. Both of them, in storytelling terms, can drop in or pass through just about any situation I need or want. They aren’t compelled to follow orders or fight through a set conflict; we get a revolving set of pictures of the British side of the conflict and its various personalities from them. And finally, there’s Ian Murray, Jamie’s nephew. He’s a scout for the American side, so is not fighting on the ground, but--like William and Lord John--can occur just about anywhere during the battle. And like William and Lord John, he’s fighting a personal battle (whereas Jamie and Claire are fighting the more usual kind of battle involving troops and military movements). So Jamie and Claire are providing a more or less structured view of things, while William, John and Ian are giving us the smaller, vivid glimpses that add both to the overall picture of the situation and to the encompassing sense of chaos. Or at least we hope that’s what happened… And to close this exegesis <g>--note that each character involved in this battle has his or her own arc within the battle: how they enter the battle, what happens to them, what decisions they make and what actions they take--and finally, how (and how altered) they emerge at the end of the fight. -------------------------------------------- Many thanks to Diana Gabaldon for taking the time for this very interesting interview! I really appreciate it.

It’s always interesting to read Diana’s comments on her own process, and I like what a fan of books she is.  

[vacationsoup]

New Post has been published on https://vacationsoup.com/ask-me-anything-10-questions-about-farm-stays/

Ask Me Anything: 10 Questions About Farm Stays

  David Raking hay at Scurlock Farms

Have you ever considered staying in a rural location, or on an actual farm while on a trip?  Have you hesitated to because you were not sure what to expect?  In this post Ask Me Anything: 10 Questions About Farm Stays, I hope I answer most of your questions and help you make an informed decision if a farm stay would be a good fit for you

1.  What IS a farm stay?

A farm stay can be a variety of things.  It can be as simple as staying in a cabin or home on a working farm with the intent of getting away from the concrete jungles, hustle, bustle, and noise of many people’s everyday life.   Some guests don’t want to leave the farm at all.  They want to read books, visit, reconnect, unplug and unwind, or just sit outside and listen to the bird songs and enjoy the colorful sunsets.

Other guests want to immerse themselves in the activities going on while they are visiting the farm.  Last year I had a family from Houston stay with two young girls, ages 10 and 12.  Mom wanted the girls to totally get away from electronics and see what it was like to live and work on a farm.  This was their main Christmas gift, and their stay was over the holiday.

Mom and dad stayed at the house, and the girls were out learning new skills and working during the mornings.  They wanted to stay a full week, but everything was booked except for a 4 day window.  Needless to say, a lot of activities were crammed into those few days.  The girls had a ball!  In fact, they had such a good time and it made such a difference in their attitudes, the parents made an offer to purchase a home nearby.

Other guests want to explore the Texas Hill Country and use the home as a base.  Others want a place for family members to gather between wedding activities.  They want a place to return to, to be able relax and unwind.  They don’t want “a bed in a box” or hotel room.  These guests enjoy the patios, sunsets, and night farm sounds.

Gorgeous Sunset on San Gabriel River at Scurlock Farms

2.  What can I expect when staying on a farm?

Well, there are many sites, sounds, and smells you may experience.  For sure, there will be gates, fences, probably animals in pastures, and large equipment.  Many farms will have unpaved roads.

Gates are very important on a farm.  Remember to leave them as you find them each time you go through it.  If it is open, leave it open; if it is closed, leave it closed.

Depending on the season, you may smell fruit tree blossoms, freshly mown hay.  You may even smell manure if you are working in a barn.

The sounds on a farm will vary with the kind of farm you visit.  On our farm, you may hear goats bleating and cows mowing, many songbirds, and owls at night.  If it is a full moon, you may hear a coyote or two.  But, most of all, it will be the peace and quiet you notice.  No sirens and traffic, doors slamming as guests check into a hotel room.  And, no kids running up and down the halls, or heavy footfalls overhead!

3.  Can I work or will I be required to do chores on the farm?

Some dude ranches may require you do chores, but you would know and agree to that before the visit.  Most farm stays do not require it, but will allow guests to help with some things.  Children especially like to help gather eggs, feed the chickens, and feed the goats.

When you stay on a farm, your host will want you to relax and enjoy your stay. Be sure and ask when deciding where to stay.  You want to know in advance what activities you and your children can participate in.

Many guests at our farm never do any chores.  They sure do enjoy the hammock, fire pit and fire places, hiking about the farm, and playing in and on the river.  The river offers so many activities – wading, tubing, fishing, or skipping rocks.

Children have really enjoyed helping feed the goats in the evening when they come up to the pens.  One 12 year old met us at the barns every evening after we showed him the ropes the first night.  He had the feeders lined up and filled with food ready to go into the pen.

The mother of a 10 year old girl commented her daughter’s bed should have been at the barn.  As soon as she awoke each morning, she said “I have to go to the barn!”  We have many babies twice a year and the kiddos really enjoy holding and petting them.

Dan or David will let the kids “drive” a tractor of their choice.  If they are baling hay, many have ridden in the jump seat on the big tractor to make a bale.  Some granddads even wanted to do it!

Many guests have never seen the equipment doing the actual work and have been fascinated, just standing and watching the process.

4.  What should I wear?

Be sure and take close-toed shoes when going on any farm stay.  If you plan on hiking about, you will want clothes that don’t easily snag and clothing that can get dirty.  Most vacation homes on farms have washers and dryers, but it is a good idea to check.

5.  Are meals included?

This really varies.  If you are staying in the farm home with the host family, you may be provided breakfast or all meals.  You may be given use of the kitchen.  Be sure and talk with your host prior to booking so you know exactly what is provided.  Many farms are miles from the nearest store, so you for sure will want to bring all the supplies you will need.  You can’t just “run to the store” like at home!

If you are staying in a rental home on the farm, most will have kitchens so you can bring your own food and cook.  If the farm has chickens, they may give you eggs or you may purchase them.  When children gather eggs, I let them each take an egg for their next breakfast (our chickens lay in crazy places!).  They love it!

Crazy Chickens at Scurlock Farms Lay Eggs in Flower Pot

If the farm has a garden, many times you can purchase produce from the farm to use in your food prep.  Others may let you gather what you need for a meal.

Squash in raised bed garden

At Scurlock Farms I don’t provide meals, but I do bake a batch of from-scratch muffins the evening of a guest’s arrival, using real butter and eggs from my free-range chickens.  They are great for dessert or for breakfast.  I also provide a fresh fruit bowl of seasonal fruits, coffee and a variety of hot teas.

6.  What is there to do?

This will be different for each farm.  If you plan on visiting and staying at a vineyard, there probably will not be farm animals,  chickens or gathering eggs, or helping feed the animals.

If you and your family are looking for a more traditional farm or ranch stay, you will probably be able to help gather the eggs, feed the chickens, help with putting hay out or sweet feed for the different animals, or harvest crops.  Most hosts are happy for the assistance.  They will probably have a schedule for doing different chores at certain times of the day.

Visit with the host of a farm you are interested in visiting and ask what you or your children will be able to help with.

7.  How far from the grocery store or restaurants?

This is a great question to ask ahead of time and even before making a reservation.  You certainly don’t want to arrive and need to run to the store for supplies, only to learn it is many miles away!  Hopefully the farms you are interested in staying with will have a welcome book.  Some are willing to share it only after reservations are made, others may share it with you even if you don’t make a reservation.  I am happy to share the  Scurlock Farms Welcome Book with anyone anytime, whether they visit or not.  I really like the idea of “help, don’t sell”.  Even if someone chooses to stay somewhere else, hopefully they will remember and visit Scurlock Farms in the future

8.  Are there kid-friendly activities on the farm?

What a disappointment it would be to book a stay on a farm and learn that everything was off-limits to children!  Ask questions before you book.  Obviously there may be areas that would be off-limits on some working farms, but other areas should be open for exploring.

We have no off-limit areas at Scurlock Farms.  Our animals are friendly and love the attention guests give them.  Guests are shown the different areas of the farm – hiking, river, animals, etc. when they first arrive, so they know the lay of the land.

We allow guests to help gather eggs, feed the chickens, feed and brush the horses, feed and hold the baby goats, put out feed, and “drive” a tractor with Dan or David.  When the gardens are in, guests are welcome to help themselves to fresh produce to use in their meals.  Guests are welcome to pick up pecans when they open up in the fall.  If you are lucky enough to visit during the harvest, it is fun to watch the different equipment do its job!

9.  Why a farm stay?

Many people are visiting family from out of state and need to stay somewhere.  Rather than choosing two or three adjoining hotel rooms, they choose a home on a farm.

This summer a guest from out of state was here to visit family in a nearby town told me the farm stay made more sense.  He said it was lower than all the hotel rooms would have been.  The guest liked being able to prepare meals in the fully-stocked kitchen and use the grill on the patio.  His family loved being able to relax and enjoy all the activities on the farm (especially his grandchildren).  Family members even joined them for a visit to the farm.  Accommodations and entertainment for less than the cost of a hotel!  What could be better?

Dinner Grilling on the Patio at Scurlock Farms

I have had several guests stay that are considering purchasing land and moving to live on a farm.  They stayed as they really wanted to try it out first.  Last summer I had two mothers that brought their daughters for a farm stay.  One daughter wanted to marry a farmer, the other dreamed of living on a farm when she grew up.  The mothers both wanted their daughters to experience living on a farm  first hand.

Many vacations now are “experience” based, and farm stays are really increasing in popularity.

10.  What do we do if it rains?

I get this question a lot, especially in the rainy season.  I tell guests there are a lot of activity type things to do in each of the homes on the farm – books, games, cards, videos and a wide assortment of movies.  InnerSpace Caverns is a great place to visit in Georgetown when it is raining – it is underground and is a constant 72 year round!

Beautiful InnerSpace Cavern Georgetown TX

I also refer them to the Scurlock Farms Welcome Book which has a large section on things to do in the area.   One young couple had a little bit of everything for weather during their visit – a little hail, rain and a cold Norther blew in.  Their comments were they had a great time, enjoying the fireplace and playing games and watching movies that were in the home.

[jandjsalmon]

A fandom message from EarthLaughsInFlowers regarding the unpleasantness - because she doesn’t have a tumblr but feels invested in our fandom as a reader and reviewer. I’m sure many of you fic author’s have been privileged to receive one of her well thought out and well spoken reviews. She sent me a massage and asked me to share this with you. 

It’s large (because she is endearingly verbose) - so it’s going under a keep reading tag - but it’s really wonderful to read her pov on the subject in case any of you are interested. She’s just SO kind. 💙💛   <3 Jandy

I wish there were an easier way (to talk to all of you). I really don't have anything to hide in terms of being contacted, it's more than I don't have the time. I spend a lot of my day on my computer. I spend some of each day indulging what has become a really wonderful hobby, reading and responding to Betty and Jughead fan fiction. I have no idea why I landed on them. I saw season one and was like, aren't they wonderful? The first story that I read (by randomly Googling -- isn't that lucky?!) was Fall in Light, so that certainly helped. 

For me, I think you're all wonderful, highly creative, passionate people. It's a joy seeing these authors and illustrators and cheerleaders entirely new world to me. It's fascinating. The prospect of spending any more time on my computer keeps me away from engaging more than I do. I thought what I needed was boundaries. I've been maintaining this very charmed loop. I read something, write a huge comment, and I generally get a response from the author. Sometimes we write back and forth. It's a lovely experience, and a great interaction for me. Something with this past week has changed how I feel about that, so I've actively been contacting authors on Tumblr (and here) whose work I admire to let them know that they are appreciated and respected for their beautiful efforts. I really do feel like I should reach out more. I gladly consume so much. I want to give back more to the people who are essentially feeding my really fun, new, hobby. I've noted elsewhere that I read and write/type incredibly fast. So I can push myself a bit more out of my comfort zone.

I've read Haunted. I liked Haunted. I commented extensively on Haunted. I've decided that while I have put Haunted to bed, and don't need to read it in whatever form it takes next.

There are two things firm in my mind about what I've seen visiting Tumblr pages over the last few days.

You cannot claim something that is not yours to claim. Art, literature, a car, an identity, if it's not yours, it's not yours. If you want to use it, ask. I understand there's an argument that everything is a copy of something else, but we're not talking about how The Lion King is Hamlet re-worked. We're talking about someone who copied writing from one author, and passed it off as their own. We have to treat the online world as the real world, and in the real world, if you do that, you face consequences for your actions. If you claim to create something but you didn't, that's wrong. It is brave to own up to mistakes. We are living in a time when people don't own up to mistakes, and still get rewarded. So it's good to set the right tone. For me, every time something does something they know is wrong, and they think that they can get away with it, it's not only the sin, it's the cynicism. We all know copying the works of others is wrong. It's drilled in our heads as kids. So it's not just that this person, who wrote lovely responses to my very long comments (responses that I continue to like), did something wrong, it's that they knew it, and didn't fix it. They thought that they could get away with it. There is something unsettling about that. I often say, "don't say sorry, change!" when I am exasperated. I think we apologize too much now, and we think that's the end of it. We don't allow for the fact that the other person may not want to accept our apology, and we don't allow for ourselves and others to learn from the experience.

It is peculiar to sit on the outskirts (by choice) of a fandom, and look in. I know very little about fandom, but I do know how to comment on stories on Ao3, and authors out there are respected and appreciated and admired. You've poured your heart, souls and experiences into these stories, and have crafted some incredible works of fiction. I don't know how to debate whether or not fan fiction is "real" literature, because to me it is. On a personal level, I can identify with it, react to it, respond to it. That's incredible. So that work needs to be commended and rewarded. You're all really gifted! It's strange, as a reader, to have interacted with Haunted, and to know that's over. It doesn't change how I look at other works on here, because I view it in isolation. I don't think that plagiarism is an isolated incident, but as a reader, it doesn't affect how I look at, say, Blood, Sweat and Heartbeats. I understand that my view as a reader could be different than a writer. You're pouring yourselves into producing content (for free!), content that is disruptive of the traditional process of who gets to tell stories, and why, and how, and where. I've read more about birth control, LGBTQA, fore play, experimentation, experiences like child birth, abortion, miscarriage, addiction, families, friends... I've read more sophisticated explorations of all these topics and more on this site, in the past year, than I ever have, and again, reading everything and then writing about what I've read is a hobby for me! That's extraordinary. Occasionally I got to do it all in a story that might have also involved space, or zombies, or the Middle Ages, and that is very special. I sincerely hope that any people who feel disheartened by this past week remember, again, your efforts are loved and valued. Your contributions are special. If the person who uploaded Haunted chooses to share something in the future, then that's great too. You can learn from your mistakes and move forward. 

 My few days on Tumblr left me distressed. I saw a lot more positive than bad, but I saw negativity. I can't tell if it's one account spewing out venom, but that's one account too many. I occasionally check Tumblr for stories to read, or pictures to see, or author commentary. In a massive coincidence, I happened to check on Monday. In another massive coincidence, I happened to be chained to my computer for work (on my vacation). So I watched everything in real time. I watched many of you process your shock, and I watched many of you voice powerful and complex opinions on the nature of forgiveness, what plagiarism means to you, the value of fan fiction, your place in fandom, and your own experiences with a blending of these issues. It was really moving. I read it all. I bounced from account reading it all. 

And then I watched the abuse roll in. And I decided that I couldn't just sit around watching. I feel for those of you who have been attacked. What a hideous experience. My heart goes out to you. I talked earlier about it being brave to apologize, well, it's damn near heroic to face the abuse that some of you are facing, just for having a different opinion. I started to notice blogs turning off Anonymous commenting, beseeching Tumblr staff to do something, blogs going silent, blogs being deleted. 

It's been a heady experience, again, as someone who solely wanted to be able to write comments under stories to suddenly think, "I can't just not say something. That's wrong. I don't know what possesses a person to do that, to hang out on someone's blog and send them hate filled messages. But I can do something nice. I can be a nice Anon! I always identify myself, as best I can "Hi! I comment on your stories on Ao3 as EarthLaughsInFlowers! I don't have Tumblr!" and send nice messages. That's all I've got so far. That's a troubling best answer, as a fully grown adult. But I promise to do that more. 

So now, if I'm checking Tumblr, I'll leave you a nice note. I would want that. Please, keep sharing your stories! Keep sharing your art! Keep sharing your ideas! 

You are valued, you are appreciated, you are respected. Sending you all love. 

EarthLaughsInFlowers

[throwing-roses-into-the-abyss]

I got tagged in this by @lilunebrium. I open this to anyone who wants to do it. :)

1. do you have any piercings or tattoos? any planned?

I just have 3 ear piercings aside from the ‘regular’ earring ones. I really want a tattoo (or 5) but I’m very worried about my sensitive, allergy-prone skin. Also money. But mostly the skin thing. 

But I do really want the text ‘I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night’ tattooed on my arm. Also a ;, because I have survived depression for so long even though I’ve come VERY close to suicide in the past. Maybe, if I turn out to like tattoos, I might get ‘ad astra per aspera’.  Less well thought out ones are ‘something related to Japan’ and ‘something for my dog’ lmao. 

2. favorite flower?

all of them?!?! Primarily ‘common’ and bright ones though, like tulips and sunflowers. 

3. do you have any pets? what are their names?

We have a fox terrier that’s named Pippy after Pippi Longstockings. She’s 12 years old and always very Sad and Upset at us for not giving her a neverending stream of snacks and cuddles. She’s also very dumb and has still not quite figured out how high our couch actually is, despite us having had the same one for all 12 years of her life. She also doesn’t understand where all this dog poop in the backyard comes from because where. is. this. other. dog?!?!?! (spoiler: there isn’t one. She put the poop there herself 2 minutes earlier but got distracted by a Plant That Moved In The Wind.) But really, she’s a sleepy and very cranky old lady that only likes cuddling and petting on her own, very specific terms that change every day. Then again, I’d be cranky too if I’d been so confused for 12 years. 

4. what is your trademark?

People always tell me they learn a lot when I’m around, so I guess that’s a trademark? I get a lot of “I always learn new words from you” and “I always learn so many new facts when I talk to you” and “our conversations are never boring because you always have some random fact ready”.  Also I constantly walk into things and drop things. The other day I walked into a stack of boxes with books, that I build myself, in the middle of a room. 

5. how would you describe your style?

Mostly gender neutral-ish, sometimes still a bit emo-inspired (lots of black), comfortable. 

6. favorite desserts?

For actual after dinner? Tea with small biscuits and fruit. For random snacking: a good cheesecake (surprisingly hard to find in the netherlands). 

7. can you play any musical instruments or can you sing?

No and no. I like to sing, but childhood bullies have successfully ruined all confidence in it forever. 

8. if you could take a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?

EVERYWHERE. But the top of my list includes: -A tour around ancient sites in Rome and Greece and Turkey -A highlight tour through the US including New Orleans, San Francisco, Grand Canyon, the Smithsonian, and every NASA place that’s open to public -South Korea (Seoul, yes, but also a bit more of the countryside and Jeju Island) -back to Japan obvs

Berlin was also somewhere at the top but I’m actually going there in 2 months. 

9. favorite horror movies?

Train to Busan, probably, though honestly I’m not a big fan of horror movies

10. when do you feel the most confident?

At work, sometimes when I’m cooking. 

11. what are your parents’ names?

I don’t think they want their names on the internet so I’m gonna skip this one. 

12. dark & dramatic makeup or natural makeup?

For myself: no make-up because I’m lazy and allergic  For others: whatever they like the most, as long as it’s done well. 

13. if you could be any mythical creature, which would you be?

Hmmm I don’t know that many, but maybe a fae? Partying all night, messing with humans sometimes to both have fun and make sure they’re properly terrified of me and leave some kind of sacrifice somewhere. 

14. favorite clothing brands?

I honestly don’t care that much. 

15. favorite perfume?

Uhm. I don’t wear perfume, because I think most scents smell the same, they don’t smell that nice, and they’re too overwhelming when I actually put them on. BUT I used to sometimes wear a fruity Puma perfume as a teen, and I had a musk one once. I now just sometimes Lush’s lavender facemist, which obviously doesn’t work well as a perfume. Also my bottle is almost empty. I need to find something new. 

16. satin or lace?

Satin.

17. what do you want to dress up as for halloween?

Can I get away with just wearing pyjama’s and saying I’m a teenager in a scary movie about to be killed? 

18. what do you use more, tumblr or twitter?

Tumblr.

19. what’s something that fascinates you?

Different scripts. I was reading about Georgian writing at 2am the other night, I can read/write Japanese and Korean, and I used to know some Cyrillic/Greek though something about those is hard for me to actually remember. But I’m so fascinated by how all these different scribbles can convey sounds and people can read them and how they developed and how they’re related to each other and just. Ugh. Languages man. 

20. do you have a job? if so, what is your job title?

Officially, I work at the sorting center of a library organisation, which means I register reservations, send books back to other libraries, sort the books that were sent to us in crates, etc. 

Unofficially, I’m partially in charge of the ground floor of the specific library building I work at, and I’m also partially customer service. People (customers, volunteers, employees, also people of other companies in the same building) come to me to ask anything from ‘do you have a key for us’ to ‘can you help with this customer’ to ‘do you know if there’s anything I can do, all my normal tasks are done’. I help our volunteer coordinator out because she’s in her office 2/3 days a week and I’m actually around the volunteers at least 4 times a week,so I know much better what kind of issues they run into and what’s going on and who’s late all the time etc. We also get all the mail/packages. I like to joke that we sort everything from books to mail to people. 

Right now it’s just this on a parttime basis, but I have good hopes for more interesting & challenging work with more hours and better pay next year, assuming no one/nothing screws me over :’)

21. favorite time of the day; morning, afternoon, dusk, or night?

dusk/night

22. would you consider yourself an emotional person?

Yes.

23. what do you do when you’re sad?

I’m sad a large part of the time (yay clinical depression) so I tend to just kind of...ignore it? Continue on as usual? I do wallow in it often sometimes, and just let the thought spirals run its course and see what happens. It usually means endless rants on tumblr at 2am. 

24. favorite sea creature?

Orca’s. 

25. do you drink alcohol?

Yes. Rarely though, pretty much only if I’m around friends. I have discovered a new love for Radler beer, and I like red wine (though not a specific one, just whichever one’s the cheapest on the menu, I’m not picky). 

[apartyofone]

Euro finale

Last of my notes:

The cabbie from Nice airport was talkative and friendly - already a change of pace from the icy cold Swiss. When I told him the name of the hotel he smiled and said - you're in for a very special stay! Wow - ok that sounded interesting. He dropped me off - and within 5 minutes I started to understand what he meant. The name of the hotel is Hotel La Perouse. I suggest anyone reading this account should Google it because my description is probably not going to be worthy of this grand place. Eh, never mind - I'll save you the time.  

https://www.hotel-la-perouse.com/

The hotel itself is built into the contours of a cliff that divides Nice - to the south is the long beach and promenade. (Sadly - the place of that horrible terrorist attack in 2016 -

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2016_Nice_attack

But here’s a look at the hotel:

Yeah, it was that good.

The fun started when I checked in. The porter grabbed my too-heavy suitcase and made for the elevator. Which only went to one other level - 5 floors above the street, just one stop. Straight up the cliff. We wound around the hotel to elevator #2. That went another 4 floors. And then the final elevator - up to the top 3 floors! I finally memorized the route by day 2! My room was not facing the sea - damnit - but that probably meant my 300 Euro room would have been 500 or more. That's fine. I had a lovely cool patio against the cliffside, private and surrounded the dry native vegetation clinging to the cliff. The room itself was spacious and modern. In fact every hotel I chose on this top was fabulous for one reason or another. Even Geneva with it's strange sexual symbols throughout the place! Maybe those Swiss aren't so cold after all.

Now I was energized to explore this amazing town. The cab ride had been straight from the airport but the cabbie had told me about exploring the old town sections. That proved to be one of the highlights of this trip. I spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the narrow streets and alleys of this ancient town. While I couldn't say that it was crowded with tourists, there were always a few people around. Every different little alcove had its own character to it. So many restaurants - many of them shuttered in the heat of the afternoon. I walked probably 4 miles around just one part of the huge old city, poking my head into courtyards and building if the gate/door was open. No one objected to the obvious tourist having a look around. Warm and welcoming - that's the theme of this part of France. At least where ever I journeyed. Maybe I was putting too much stock into the difference in Switzerland to France? Could be.

I knew I was coming back to this maze of streets on my final day, so I decided to extend my touristic range. I booked a trip through the hotel for a brief glimpse of Monaco and Monte Carlo for the next morning. Then I walked around the cliffside, away from the beach promenade,  to the less touristy area of Nice, near the harbor. The hotel did a great job of recommending restaurants and I found - and enjoyed - a seafood place right across from the yacht moorage. After exploring a bit of the residential blocks going into the hills I trudged back to my hotel. I think I logged a good 6-8 miles of walking! Had a nightcap in the delightful bar area near the pool and struck up a conversation with a lovely lady who was leaving the next morning. Unfortunately I couldn't talk her into extending her stay. But I might have a place to stay in Paris next year. : ) My bag might be heavy yet again.

My final day of vacation - and I think I took advantage of every single moment. After a nice breakfast with my new friend, I put her in her cab for the airport and I met my tour guide Joseph. I booked a  half day tour into Monaco - and it turned out to be almost a private tour! Only two other people on the tour bus - a couple from Italy - and two tour guides! The couple paired off with the Italian speaker, and I was with Joe, a fascinating Frenchman. Around 60 years old, Joe has spent his entire life in the tourism and travel industry, from hotels and hospitality, to cruise ships and now doing tours in Nice and Monte Carlo.

You know how there are some people that you instantly bond with? Well, Joe was one of those guys. (And let's face it - this is a pretty rare occasion in my rather closed off life). If I had more time I think he and I would have had some interesting times, showing me all of the real parts of Nice that tourists never see. I kept his card - I WILL look him up when I go back.

The hours we spent together were pretty amazing. Yes, we hit the tourist joints of Eze - an amazing enclave clinging to the side of the coast above Monaco - and through Monte Carlo. But he detoured to a different route back to Nice, through the chiseled hills that wind around the coastal communities. Not for the first time on this trip I thought my time in Geneva was such a waste! I could have spent days enjoying this amazing place on the earth. Ugh - next time.

Monaco is post card pretty. I only had a chance to see a few of the best sights. Oh yeah, and I ran into Prince Albert.

http://apartyofone.tumblr.com/post/173125069279/so-i-was-strolling-around-in-front-of-the-royal

Joe had a tour group booked in the evening but he pointed to his favorite restaurant, on the main square of old town Nice. I gave Joe's name to the restaurant host.....and I found myself at the best table in the place. The owner came out and trying to speak English grasped my hand. I took that to mean that any friend of Joe is welcome! He left a carafe of his house wine and so the meal began. I didn't even order. Out came this amazing fresh grouper served on saffron rice. All day I started to understand the relationship to north Africa, just across the Med. Now the spices in the foods were reflecting this complex cultural crossroads.

The sun had long gone down and the alleys of old town were dark - highlighted only by the numerous small restaurants tucked in the ancient buildings, tables spilling outside with bursts of sounds and songs. In any other city I probably would have felt a little threatened or worried about the darkness; for some reason (maybe the wine?) I felt very safe as I wondered through the lanes. Finally my feet gave out on me - thank God I had invested in great walking shoes for this trip unlike Euro 17 - and I regretfully ended up at my hotel. I resolved I would be back for more - much more.

I lingered at the outdoor bar for another hour just reflecting on my day. Alas, didn't find a new friend that night. But as I had a crazy early day - travel day - it was just as well. I walked up to the roof top one last time and took pictures.

After packing for my long journey home I finally fell asleep - satisfied that I had made the most of this Euro journey.

++++++++++

I started the day on the roof of the hotel. I wanted some sun rise pictures over the beach and sea. I was sooooo blessed with the weather on this trip. Joe had told me that the previous FOUR WEEKS had been almost non stop rain. Glad that my only bad weather was in London - almost appropriate there.

I knew my travel day home was going to be hellish - it didn't disappoint.

9 AM - Train from Nice to Paris - thank god not on strike. The seatmates in my first class car were all Americans in a group tour. They were buzzing about how they found a pick pocket and outed her to the police.

3 PM - Arrive in Paris, the Gard Lyon Station. I had hoped to dine at the famous restaurant above the station. By the way - if you need to ever book travel in Europe I recommend this site: https://www.seat61.com/. It's the ultimate guide to train travel and more. He recommended this amazing art deco restaurant at the top of this legendary station. Alas.... there was no elevator to the restaurant. And me, stuck with my fucking heavy luggage, was not going to be trudging up 3 flights of stairs. Oh well, next time.

5 PM - Arrive at De Gaulle Airport for my trip back to the US. Check in was so easy compared to what we have to endure in the US. I felt every bit as safe flying out of Europe as with the heavy handed US TSA. Had an amazing pre flight meal - even the airport restaurants in France are superb - to use up my last Euros. Boarded right on time for Norweigen Air flight.

12:00 Midnight, JFK Airport. Slept most of the flight on this most comfortable airline and airplane. Most notable thing - I was on aisle seat with two young males in the middle and window seat. On a 9 hour flight they didn't move once - not to the bathroom or even for food/drink. Zombies? Maybe.

My kids S and C were there to pick me up. Neither one are great city/freeway drivers. But they decided to stay up late and team up to bring me home. I slept most of the 1:45 trip home.

And finally we were back. The longest time I had spent away from my home for....wow....maybe decades. I recall some long sales trips when I worked with Mattel a long time ago.

I was  happy physically to be home. Mentally? Not so much. This trip satisfied many questions for me, in many ways. I had wondered if my view of Paris especially was colored by a first time infatuation. No, my love for that place is set in stone. My mind is even more made up.

I suppose too my unhappiness - maybe desperation!? - of our current domestic political situation is driving me away. Even if that cunt Trump is tossed out in 2020 the devastation he has left has scarred this country. I don't really want to be a part of the damage control - not with the sunset of my life before me.

++++++++++++

What will I remember from Euro 2018? So much.

 The book scene in London was energizing.

 Exploring more of my love of WW2 history. 

Immersing myself in Paris. 

The cold hardness of Geneva.

The warmth - people,  places and things - of Nice. 

A glorious 18 day sojourn, filled with memories and pictures.

Solo travel isn't so bad. Especially in the few spots where it isn't so solo.

This trip has only encouraged me to renew my mind, body, spirit- and passport - for more trips to come.

[lindarifenews]

How to Create Products and Sell Them on Your Blog

The post How to Create Products and Sell Them on Your Blog appeared first on ProBlogger.

This post is based on episode 67 of the ProBlogger podcast.

This week I want to talk about creating a product for your blog.

Last month I talked about my various profit streams, and how nearly a third of my profits come from product sales. And that’s obviously one good reason to create and sell products – it’s a great way to monetize your blog.

But there’s another reason you should do it that goes beyond money. But before I get into that I want to tell you a little story.

A tale of two buskers

A while back my family and I were enjoying a beach vacation up in the northern parts of Australia. One night, while we were enjoying a refreshing ice cream, we came across two street performers (or ‘buskers’ as we call them here in Australia).

The first one was playing a guitar and singing, he had his guitar case open in front of him to collect loose change from passers-by. Our kids nagged us to stop and listen (they’re fascinated by street performers), and so we did. He was a good singer and a great guitar player, and we left a couple of dollars in change before moving on.

A little further down the road we came across another performer collecting loose change with his guitar case. With his honky-tonk guitar, harmonica, bells on one foot and a home-made kick drum on the other, this guy was a bit of a one-man band. But performance-wise he was similar to the performer to the first performer we’d encountered, and just as good.

But I’m guessing that second performer would have been earning at least 10 times as much as the first.

Why? Because he also had two CDs for sale – $15 for either one, or $25 for them both. And in the 15 minutes we were listening to him I saw eight people buy at least one CD. And we ended up buying both of them.

So having a product to sell was obviously helping him make more money. But what I found interesting is that people seemed to be taking him more seriously than the other guy. I overheard a couple of people commenting about how the CD’s meant he must be serious about his music. Having a product gave him credibility (as well as something to talk about with his listeners).

Those CDs also gave him another advantage – it helped people remember him. They could re-live his performance whenever and wherever they liked simply by playing his CD. And because they now knew his name they could recommend him to others, and perhaps even check out his web page and connect with him on social media.

(When I tucked my boys into bed that night, my three-year-old insisted on sleeping with one of those CDs – the ultimate testament to having a product to sell.)

Busking on your blog

When people start monetizing their blog, many of them try putting up ads. But sometimes I wonder if that’s the blogging equivalent of busking for tips. (And yes, I’ve fallen into this trap myself.)

In my experience, having a product to sell really takes things to the next level. And like our CD-selling performer, creating my own products and selling them my blogs has been rewarding in more ways than one.

The most obvious benefit is money. Whether you’re selling a book, an ebook, a membership or simply your knowledge and expertise, you can potentially make a profit (and perhaps even a living) from it.

That’s incredible!

But having a product to sell can also give you credibility. Just as people took our second busker more seriously because he had CDs to sell, people started taking me more seriously when I started selling products on my two sites.

And that credibility can lead to all kinds of opportunities. Within 24 hours of releasing my first ebook I was approach by a publisher who wanted to publish it. And while the content of the ebook obviously helped attract their attention, I believe the credibility and authority I gained from creating it in the first place also influenced their decision to approach me. (I honestly don’t think it would have happened otherwise.)

It can also lead to deeper relationships with your readers. As people worked through my 31 Days to Build a Better Blog ebook they often sent me emails and tweets along the way, creating an ongoing relationship. And that kind of thing can lengthen and deepen the relationship you have with your readers.

Heavy traffic ahead

Launching a new product can also create a spike in your site’s traffic, whether it’s from:

the emails you sent

affiliates promoting your product

word of mouth.

Whenever we launch a product we know we’ll be getting a lot of traffic that month, which creates other ongoing benefits for our site.

Other benefits

Here are two more quick benefits of creating your own products:

You’ll probably learn a new skill or two along the way simply because you’re going beyond what you’d normally do. And learning new skills is always a good thing.

You’ll start thinking about your topic in a way you perhaps haven’t thought about it before. When I was approached by the publisher to write the first ProBlogger book I’d already been blogging about blogging for a while. But having to write an entire book about it forced me to think about it in a deeper, ‘big picture’ way.

Stop dreaming, and start doing

Most bloggers agree that creating and selling products is a great idea. But ask them about actually creating those products and you’ll hear a variety of excuses as to why now isn’t the right time for them.

And I can say that because I’m one of those people.

When I started Digital Photography School in 2007, I dreamed monetizing that blog with an ebook. And having promoted other people’s ebooks on that blog I had a pretty good idea about the topics I wanted to cover.

But I also had a long list of excuses as to why I couldn’t write it.

We had a newborn baby in the house, and so I had no spare time.

I was also sleep deprived, and so I wasn’t thinking clearly enough.

I didn’t know how to write, edit or design an ebook.

I didn’t know which shopping cart to use.

I didn’t know what marketing tactics to use.

No-one would buy it because I wasn’t a professional photographer.

And those excuses held me back for two years.

In 2009, having decided I needed to either kill the idea or act on it, I started spending 15 minutes each day on it. First came the planning, and then the writing and editing. When it was done I started looking for a designer while researching shopping carts. And towards the end I spent those 15 minutes writing marketing copy, sales pages, and sales emails.

Three and a half months later everything was ready, and I sent the launch email out to my readers.

Around ten minutes later I received an email telling me I’d made my first $15 sale. And ten or so minutes after that another email came in. I’d made $30, and I was excited.  Admittedly it wasn’t a great return for three months’ work, but I was still proud of myself.

Eight minutes later the next sale came in. Five minutes after that, the next sale came in. They started coming in every three minutes, then every two minutes, and then every minute. Soon they were coming in every 30 seconds, and then every 10 seconds. I can still remember waking up my wife at 3am and saying, “You wouldn’t believe what’s going on in my inbox”.

It went on to make US$72,000 in 10 days.

Yes, it was great to be making that kind of money. But it was also great to know my readers would buy something I created. And it was great knowing I had the skills and the ability to get it done.

Since then we’ve created something like 40 products. In some ways creating new products becomes easier because you have more skills and more confidence in yourself. But in other ways it becomes more difficult because you start thinking, I don’t actually need to create anything else because I already have products that are selling quite well.

But need to fight against that complacency and keep creating products. Because one of those products could be just what your readers have been waiting for.

Your first product

Some of you might be thinking, I’d love to create a product I can sell on my blog. But I have no idea what it could be. So here are some tips to help you create your first product.

Solve a problem. What are the top three problems your readers are having? What kind of help do they need? Creating a product that solves those problems and provides that help could be a great place to start.

Build on content you already have. Creating a new product from scratch can be quite overwhelming. So why not reduce your workload by basing it on content you’ve already created? cut down the work?

Now this may sound like cheating. But as long as you’re upfront with your readers, and include new content along with the content you’ve already published, it can be a great way to start the ball rolling with your first product.

Test your idea on your blog. Got an idea for a product, but aren’t sure people will be interested? Write a few blog posts on the idea and see what the reaction is like. If people seem interested, you can then use those posts as the cornerstone of your new product.

See what others in your niche are doing. Check out what products other people in your niche are selling. This will give help you decide what types of products are worth creating, along with what topics they should cover.

Become an affiliate for other people’s products. Promoting your competitors’ products might sound a little strange. But signing up as an affiliate means you can earn a little extra money while learn:

whether your readers will respond to that type of product

the ideal price point to target

how to best promote a product for sale.

Start small. What product would be the quickest and easiest for you to create? It could be a small ebook, a short course, or even a quick guide people can print out and keep on their desk. You may not make a fortune from each sale. But you will pick up some new skills (and a lot of confidence), and get your readers used to the idea of buying things from your blog.

Take it one step at a time. The thought of creating an entire product can be overwhelming. So break it down into lots of small tasks you can tackle one at a time. When I wrote my first book, I broke the process down into a series of steps: planning, writing, editing, design, research, and so on.

Creating small tasks made them easier to complete. (I only had 15 minutes a day to work on them.) It also meant I could tick them off as I went, and make it feel like I was making real progress.

Make the time. While breaking the process up into small tasks is a great idea, you still need to make the time to complete them. It might be 15 minutes a day, or one full day each weekend. Whatever you decide, try to maintain a schedule so you keep making progress. It will be worth it in the end.

  As I mentioned earlier, we now have 40 products available on the two blogs. And since 2009 we’ve probably sold half a million products. But none of it would have happened if I hadn’t pushed myself to create that first ebook.

What product will you be creating for your blog? Let us know in the comments.

Image credit: Photo by Alexander Andrews on Unsplash

The post How to Create Products and Sell Them on Your Blog appeared first on ProBlogger.

       How to Create Products and Sell Them on Your Blog published first on https://likesfollowersclub.tumblr.com/

[thelittleredwhocould]

Tagged by @ultimatefandomtrash61​

LAST:

1- Drink: A Pineapple Upside Down Cake from Fiz (Utah-based soda bar; they’re a thing and I love it) 2- Last Phone Call: My grandma 3- Text Message: My manager 4- Song listened to: This one 5- Time you cried: Last week

HAVE YOU:

6- Dated someone twice: Nope. 7- Kissed someone and regretted it- Never been kissed, so... 8- Been Cheated on: Nope. 9- Lost someone special: Yes. 10- Been Depressed: I’m always depressed. Gotta love mental illnesses! 11- Gotten Drunk and thrown up: Nope.

LIST THREE COLORS

12- Olive green 13- Grey 14- Lilac

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15: Made New Friends- Yep! 16: Fallen out of love: Nope. 17- Laughed until you cried: Yup! Being tired to the point of lunacy is a lot of fun with a good group of equally tired people. 18- Found out someone was talking about you: Yes. High school sucked. 19- Found out who your friends are: Definitely 20- Kissed someone on Facebook: No? That’s a thing?? Ew

GENERAL

21- How many of you facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them. Whether I talk to them anymore is another matter. 22: Do you have any pets: Not on my own, but my family has a dog. Search “Titus” on my blog and you’ll probably find him.

23: Do you want to change your name: Nope 24: What did you do on ur last bday: Get lectured to the point of tears by my statistics professor and go to the touring Broadway production of The Lion King at the Eccles Theatre for free. 25- What time do you wake up: On weekdays, 7am. On weekend, maybe noon. Maybe. Unless I’m working, then 7am still. 26: What were you doing at midnight last night: Trying to get my classmates to get their shit together so we could film today (didn’t work) 27- Name somethings you can’t wait for: Tonight’s episode of Supernatural, Thanksgiving, Christmas break, the day I finally get to quit my stupid job. 28: When was the last time you saw your mom: Like two weeks or so ago. I miss her. 29: What is one thing you could change: Maybe how fucking tired and unmotivated I am 24/7. 30: What are you listening to right now: @jaebirdie​ is playing Jenna Marbles videos. 31- Have you ever talked to someone named Tom: Yep. 32: Something that is getting on your nerves: People who can’t fucking tag things right. Please don’t use tags that aren’t directly related to your post. All it does is make it harder for people to actually find the stuff they’re looking for. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to scroll through the Sam tag and find endless Destiel stuff, even though I like Destiel. So yeah. Don’t do that. It’s stupid and rude. 33: Most Visited Sites: Tumblr, Canvas, Google Docs, and AO3 34: Moles: I think I have one or two? 35: Marks: I have some scars, but I’m like 90% freckles. Seriously. 36: Childhood dream: To be an author. 37: Hair color: Dark red, but it lights up kinda gold-orange in sunlight and I fucking love it. 38: Long or short hair: Short- like shoulder length- but it used to be down to my waistband. I cut it a while back and lost almost two feet (and yes, I donated it) 39: Do you have a crush on someone: ... Does Jared/Sam count? 40: What do you like about yourself: My hair and sometimes my mouth, for some reason? Idk 41: Piercings: One in each ear. I want a cartilage piercing, but my family would freak so I’m probably gonna end up waiting on that until I’m officially moved out and stuffs. 42: Blood type: A-something 43: Nicknames: Kenzi 44: Relationship Status: Single af 45: Zodiac Sign: Aries 46: Pronouns: She/Her 47: Favorite TV Shows: Supernatural, White Collar, Criminal Minds, Person of Interest, NCIS. 48: Left or Right Handed: Right 49: Surgery: Well, I got my wisdom teeth out. 50: Hair dyed in a different color: Never. 51: Sport: Nope. 52: Vacation: I’ve been to Denver, California (Disneyland, Sea World, Universal Studios, the usual), and Seattle. 53: Pair of sneakers: I’m currently wearing Champions

MORE GENERAL:

54: Eating: I had chili for breakfast/lunch 55: Drinking: Still drinking soda. I have a problem 56: I’m about to: Maybe work on my Blind!Dean AU for Nanowrimo 57: Want: To go to Hot Topic and Icing, but @jaebirdie doesn’t have money today so we’re probably gonna go on Saturday. 58: Get married: Not anytime soon. 59: Career: Well, right now I’m a college student working part time at a Utah-based smoothie franchise, but I want to direct film/TV 60: hugs or kisses: Hugs 61: Lips or Eyes: Both, but I have a particular fascination with lips 62: Short or tall: Average (5′6″) 63: Older or younger: Like, to date? I prefer older guys, but I’m not as particular about women. Just as long as they’re legal, cos I’m 20 64: Nice arms or stomach: I don’t have either, but I like both. 65: sensitive or loud: Usually sensitive, but I’m really loud around people I’m comfortable with or when I get excited. 66- Hookup or relationship: Definitely no hook ups. I’m a relationship person all the way. 67: Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant. I’m too anxious to be a troublemaker.

HAVE YOU EVER

68- Kissed a stranger: Nope. 69- Drank hard liquor: No 70- Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: Nope. Don’t wear others. 71- Turned someone down: Pretty sure someone would’ve had to ask me out for this to happen, and that never happens.

PERSONAL

72- Sex on the first date: No. 73- Broken someone’s heart: Maybe 74- Had your heart broken: No. 75- Have been Arrested: No 76- Cried when someone died: Yes 77- Fallen for a friend: Yes! First/only boyfriend was a friend first.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

78- Yourself: No 79- Miracles: No 80- Love at first sight: No 81- Santa Claus: Not anymore. 82- Kiss on the first date: No.

MORE

83- Current Best Friend: @jaebirdie and @books-and-icecream and @laughing-at-the-darkness 84- Eye Color: Dark brown 85- Fav Movie: The Martian and Jurassic Park

Tagging: @jaebirdie @books-and-icecream @laughing-at-the-darkness @manawhaat @ilostmyshoe-79 @floweryhanzo @withoutaplease

[mara-the-cactupus]

Everything Ask Game

Thank you @the-moon-loves-the-sea​ for tagging me! This is quite the list:

LAST...

Drink: A lukewarm London Fog. I was messing around with the tea at work.

Phone call: A customer.

Text message: My aunt, who wants to go on a beach walk with me.

Song you listened to: Hmm... last thing I actually sat down and clicked on would be this Star Trek medley; I don’t know the names of half the songs that play in the background of life these days.

Time you cried: Watching Logan.

HAVE YOU...

Dated someone twice: um... nope

Kissed someone and regretted it: once again, I have zero data in this field.

Been cheated on: nope

Lost someone special: I lost a couple of very sweet dogs in my childhood.

Been depressed: no

Gotten drunk and thrown up: No, I generally stay away from alcohol. I have, however, had way too much caffeine and sugar in one day and almost thrown up multiple times now. It was not fun.

Made new friends: yes, every time I went to a new school or get a new job. And on here, of course : )

Fallen out of love: hmm, I’ve never really been in love in love, but I have gotten disillusioned with people I previously admired, almost like platonically falling in and out of love.

Found out someone was talking about you: not that I can remember, but I suppose my parents have to have talked about me some time.

Met someone who changed you: yes. Just about everybody who I get to know.

Found out who your friends are: I suppose they’re the people who I keep coming back to, and who keep coming back to me. The ones who don’t fall by the wayside even if we have no practical reason to keep in touch.

Kissed someone from your facebook list: ~no facebook~ (*wow*)

Kissed a stranger: no

Drank hard liquor: once again, I don’t really drink. But I have had some rum and Kahlua while making tiramisu at a friend’s house.

Turned someone down: yes.

Sex on the first date: um... definitely not.

Broken someone’s heart: oh, I hope not...

Had your heart broken: by movies, all the time.

Been arrested: no : )

Fallen for a friend: yeah, a few of them... but it sort of falls into that platonic-crush zone I mentioned earlier.

Kissed on the first date: nope

GENERAL

List three favorite colors: warm sunny yellow, liquidy yellowy orange, clear tropical ocean blue

How many facebook friends do you know in real life: zero out of zero.

Do you have any pets: no

Do you want to change your name: no, I like my names. They’re part of what make me who I am : )

What time did you wake up: somewhere between 9 and 10 because all I had scheduled for this morning was art. It was wonderful.

What were you watching at midnight last night: my dreams, presumably. Or the insides of my eyelids.

Name something you can’t wait for: several years in the future when I have some filmmaking experience under my belt and have landed a directorial job on an exciting film with a decent budget !!

When was the last time you saw your mom: today.

What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I wasn’t so weird and awkward as a kid, so I didn’t have a reputation/self-expectation of being shy. Then again, I’ve gotten more confident since then. But still overly wary.

What are you listening to right now: a bus just went by. I can hear the sound of breathing, and of those machines and contraptions that you forget are on but are always on, and my splayed-finger typing.

Have you ever talked to a person called Tom: yes. Multiple people.

Something that is getting on your nerves right now: humanity in general

Most visited site: tumblr.

Mole: a few, here and there. I’ve never really noticed them.

Mark/s: nothing I can think of except the constellations on my face and back.

Childhood dream: to be a writer.

Do you have a crush on someone: no. I seem to have outgrown them.

What do you like about yourself: my mind, my imagination, my internal monologue and source of amusement. My artistic skills. My body. My face. I think I’m generally pretty satisfied with myself as a person.

Piercings: none.

Nickname: Well, I guess there’s Azuki, which is my middle name, but other than that I’m just Mara. It’s a pretty straight-forward name.

Relationship status: single.

Pronouns: I’ve always felt pretty comfortable with she/her.

Favorite TV shows: ooh... Sense8 is probably my top show right now. I used to love BBC Sherlock. I also like Daredevil and Luke Cage, and I’ve been wanting to watch Brooklyn 99 for ages.

Tattoo: none.

Right or left handed: right.

Surgery: wisdom teeth, but so far nothing else. I would go for vision-correction but I get terribly squeamish.

Hair dyed a different color: no, my hair has always been pretty plain. I just wash it and let it air dry, nothing else.

Sport: I've done a little bit of martial arts and dancing and swimming here and there, but no real big organized sports aside from soccer when I was in elementary school.

Vacation: camping in a forest by the ocean, or traveling via air. There’s just something magical about being in a big airport with lots of vast emptiness and architecture, especially at night. The sort of feel of it reminds me of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, or of an airport factory, or of a wastewater treatment plant. It’s just... like you’re separated from the real world, like the real world with all its problems doesn’t really exist and you aren’t an identity but just a soul without self-consciousness. I don’t know how else to describe it.

Current and all-time best friend name: probably my sister, or else my friend since middle school who I still go on walks with.

Eye color: Brown, like my hair.

Favorite movie: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, or Finding Nemo/The Incredibles/Monsters Inc. I also like Inception, but that’s not a very good mindset to hang out in for more than a day or so.

WHICH IS BETTER?

Hugs or kisses: hugs! I love hugs : >

Lips or eyes: lips are fun to draw, with the swoopy-swoop arch of them, but eyes are just so fascinating. And eyes give a lot of helpful emotional cues.

Shorter or taller: taller can be more interesting. Tall buildings have interesting views, for example. And trees are wonderful, and also tall.

Nice arms or stomach: hmm... I would like to have a stronger core, and also eat healthier, so I’ll go with stomach. Although strong arms can be helpful.

Sensitive or loud: I think sensitive is generally better, because it means receptive, or observational – you’re absorbing more information as a whole, while if you’re loud you might be blocking a lot of those cues from yourself.

Hook up or relationship: relationship.

Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemakers can be charming, but also annoying if they don’t know when to stop. But I’m hesitant, and I get annoyed with that trait, so maybe troublemaker is better after all. More confident, I guess.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...

Yourself: yes.

Miracles: yes.

Love at first sight: not really. You have to get to know the person, then realize you’re compatible, not see them and then try to force compatibility. That will only lead to disappointment.

Santa Claus: I can’t remember if I ever really did.

Tagging: aaaaaannyone who sees this post, scrolls by it, comes across it months later... just go for it. And tag me so I can see your answers : )

[travisandersondatingblog]

59 Dating Statistics All Singles Need to Know from 2019

My mission in life is to help amazing women like you create their own love stories. And I’m committed to giving you advice on this blog that I’ve seen work for my dating coaching clients.

Today I’ve got something super special for you: a deep dive into dating statistics. Why? I want you to realize that your situation — whether you’re single, dating, or somewhere in between — is completely normal, and to give you some insight into what other women are experiencing as they navigate the world of dating and relationships.

Must-Know Dating Statistics

We surveyed 1,143 women about their dating experiences, and found some pretty interesting stuff:

Commitment: The majority of women are looking for a serious relationship.

Where: It’s still hard to know where to find great, single men.

Frequency: Women aren’t dating as much as you’d think.

Here are both the results from our research as well as other dating statistics you need to know if you’re dating, trying to date, or just simply having casual flings.

A Word on Dating

What are other women experiencing in dating?

Maybe you’re groaning right now because you’re feeling like you’re in a hamster wheel, dating guy after guy and still looking for the one that will get you off of this wheel. Or maybe you’re smiling because you’re having a blast getting to know men and going on dates at this point in your life.

Either way, here are some dating statistics to give you insight into the big world of dating.

Think everyone but you is out there going on dates? Think again. According to our research, 43% of women have been on no dates in the last three months, and 27% have only been on one or two dates.

So if you’re having a dry spell right now, you’re not alone. Don’t assume that all of the women who haven’t been on dates are sad because of that fact. Many, I suspect, are happy being single.

And even if you are going on dates, it doesn’t mean they’re going to work out: 67% of women report that all of their dates in the past three months haven’t been a good match.

It can be frustrating to go on dates that you hope will work out only to have them turn out to be duds, but the key is to keep trying. He’s out there, I promise.

First Date Fun

via GIPHY

So now let’s talk about first dates. If you’re like many women, you know within four minutes whether or not you are into the guy. Trust your gut on this one, because it’s usually right. If it’s going to work out, you’ll feel something click, usually within minutes of meeting him (but not always!).

Stressing over whether to offer to pay for the check on a first date? You’re a modern woman, after all! An Esquire survey found that 51% of women offer to pick up the check. No word on how many men actually let them…

After a first date, do you bite your nails, waiting to hear from him? If it’s been more than 24 hours, save your nails, because there’s only a 12% chance he will call. Move on to the next guy or find something better to do with your time than waste it fretting over a man.

Online Dating

Can you really find love on an app?

I know a lot of Sexy Confidence fans are on the fence about whether to start online dating. It’s really a mixed bag: I know women who have ended up marrying a man they met through a dating app…and women who complain about the dick picks and catfishing that goes on there.

In our survey, we found that only 27% of women think online dating is a good way to meet new people. The majority — 45% of women — are still unsure of the value of online dating, though they have hope that they will meet a quality man. And when it comes to whether or not dating apps are a good resource for finding true love, 68.4% of you think they’re actually making it harder to find love!

Dating apps can eat up a lot of time! On average, people are spending about an hour and a half every day on dating apps looking for someone special. That’s a lot of time!

But Dr. Jess Carbino, Bumble’s in-house sociologist, says you really shouldn’t spend more than 30 minutes a day on the apps: 15 minutes in the morning and 15 in the evening.

Many women feel like online dating is a waste of time; they match with a guy who never starts a conversation, or it is a dead end when they realize they have nothing in common. You’re not the only one frustrated: only 66% of people on dating sites actually end up going on dates.

Here’s something I don’t get: men and women lie on dating apps. Men lie about their age, height, and income, while women lie about their weight, age, and physical build. Can’t we all just be honest??

Another interesting dating statistic: young women (26-year-olds) have more online pursuers than men that age, but the older they get, the more the tables turn: 48-year-old men have twice as many people after them than women the same age.

If you’re like the majority of women on dating apps, you are looking for a nice guy, not a bad guy…or actually, you might want a bit of both. Men are looking for the modern career girl rather than the girl next door. Good information to know!

Communication

mbrace technology in your relationship!

Those of you who regularly read the Sexy Confidence Blog know how big I am on communication in dating and relationships. If you’re back in the dating pool after a year (or decade!) of being in a relationship, you may not know how to navigate the intricate rules of communication in today’s tech-driven world.

Many relationships center around texting, not phone calls, which might frustrate you.

But technology can be a good thing! In our research, we discovered that 45% of our survey respondents think texting is improving their relationship. It can definitely be another channel to communicate with and get to know someone you’re dating, but just don’t rely on texting alone. Bring back those old-school phone calls!

Here’s one of those dating statistics that will make you sit up and take notice: 47% of women and 50% of men have texted nude photos. That in no way means you have to if you’re uncomfortable doing so!

Past Relationships

IDon’t worry. We all have our baggage.

If you’re 40 or older (like 64% of our survey takers), you may have been married or in one or more long relationships in the past. But what about other women? What are their stories?

Not surprisingly, many of you are divorced. Here are a few statistics about divorce you might find interesting:

Every 13 seconds, there’s a divorce in America.

Wives are more likely to file for divorce than husbands.

Virginia, Nebraska, and Delaware have the highest divorce rates.

The US has the third highest divorce rate in the world.

If you’ve been divorced, does that necessarily means a second marriage will end in divorce? The odds are high, unfortunately: 60% of second marriages end in divorce.

My suggestion is to roll slow in a committed relationship after you’ve been divorced once. Remember the mistakes you made in the first marriage and work to not make them again. Don’t rush into marriage a second time!

While the average length of a marriage is eight years, the average length of a second marriage is less than that.

Check this out: while divorce rates are declining for younger people, they have doubled since the 1990s for Americans over 50. I guess it’s never too late to start over.

It turns out the experts argue about how long to wait after a divorce before dating again. Some say you need to wait one year for every five to seven years of marriage, while others say you need one month of healing for every year. What do I say? Wait until you are 1,000% healed, and realize that might take more time than you think you need.

But not everyone is divorced; 7% of American adults are widowed. And 11.3% of people over the age of 40 have never been married. The bottom line is: everyone’s got past baggage of one kind or another when it comes to dating and relationships.

Where to Meet People

If you’re open to it, you might meet someone while on vacation!

I can’t go a week without a woman saying to me, “Adam, I just don’t know where to meet men!!’

I get that it’s frustrating. But you’ve got to keep trying…in the right places. Dating statistics show that only 9% of women have ever ended up in a relationship with someone they met in a bar. So clearly, a bar is not the right place to meet a man!

Where you live can impact how easy or difficult you find it to meet men. Though you might expect bigger cities to be great for meeting men (more men, more opportunity?) cities like Atlanta, Pittsburgh, and Houston are actually bad for meeting people.

So where should you relocate to up your odds of meeting great men? Austin, Colorado Springs, and San Diego top the list. And hey, even if you don’t meet a guy, these are cool cities to live in!

If you don’t live in a city that’s great for meeting people, consider taking a vacation: 70% of people are open to meeting someone special while on vacation, so your next boyfriend might be the passenger in seat 25E or the guy swimming in the hotel pool!

Let’s Talk About Sex

via GIPHY

If there’s a loaded topic around dating, it’s definitely sex. To have it or not to have it? How soon to have it? How frequently? Who with?

If you’re trying to decide when to give it up to a guy, know that 1/3 of women who use online dating have sex on the first date. But only one in four women use protection with first-date sex! C’mon ladies! You’ve got to protect yourself!

I am glad that we’re moving away from the whole sex “rule” of thou shalt not have sex for exactly 5 dates thinking, though women still have a ways to go: only 54% of you have positive feelings about casual sex, compared to 80% of men feeling hunky dory after a hookup.

And this is interesting: researchers have found that women with wider hips are more likely to have one-night stands. Women whose hips measure at least .8 inches wider than other women have had one-night stands for three out of four of their past sexual relationships! Fascinating stuff.

But let’s dive even deeper into these dating stati from Meet Positives SM Feed 3 https://sexyconfidence.com/dating-statistics/ via IFTTT

[fayecallasdatingblog]

59 Dating Statistics All Singles Need to Know from 2019

My mission in life is to help amazing women like you create their own love stories. And I’m committed to giving you advice on this blog that I’ve seen work for my dating coaching clients.

Today I’ve got something super special for you: a deep dive into dating statistics. Why? I want you to realize that your situation — whether you’re single, dating, or somewhere in between — is completely normal, and to give you some insight into what other women are experiencing as they navigate the world of dating and relationships.

Must-Know Dating Statistics

We surveyed 1,143 women about their dating experiences, and found some pretty interesting stuff:

Commitment: The majority of women are looking for a serious relationship.

Where: It’s still hard to know where to find great, single men.

Frequency: Women aren’t dating as much as you’d think.

Here are both the results from our research as well as other dating statistics you need to know if you’re dating, trying to date, or just simply having casual flings.

A Word on Dating

What are other women experiencing in dating?

Maybe you’re groaning right now because you’re feeling like you’re in a hamster wheel, dating guy after guy and still looking for the one that will get you off of this wheel. Or maybe you’re smiling because you’re having a blast getting to know men and going on dates at this point in your life.

Either way, here are some dating statistics to give you insight into the big world of dating.

Think everyone but you is out there going on dates? Think again. According to our research, 43% of women have been on no dates in the last three months, and 27% have only been on one or two dates.

So if you’re having a dry spell right now, you’re not alone. Don’t assume that all of the women who haven’t been on dates are sad because of that fact. Many, I suspect, are happy being single.

And even if you are going on dates, it doesn’t mean they’re going to work out: 67% of women report that all of their dates in the past three months haven’t been a good match.

It can be frustrating to go on dates that you hope will work out only to have them turn out to be duds, but the key is to keep trying. He’s out there, I promise.

First Date Fun

via GIPHY

So now let’s talk about first dates. If you’re like many women, you know within four minutes whether or not you are into the guy. Trust your gut on this one, because it’s usually right. If it’s going to work out, you’ll feel something click, usually within minutes of meeting him (but not always!).

Stressing over whether to offer to pay for the check on a first date? You’re a modern woman, after all! An Esquire survey found that 51% of women offer to pick up the check. No word on how many men actually let them…

After a first date, do you bite your nails, waiting to hear from him? If it’s been more than 24 hours, save your nails, because there’s only a 12% chance he will call. Move on to the next guy or find something better to do with your time than waste it fretting over a man.

Online Dating

Can you really find love on an app?

I know a lot of Sexy Confidence fans are on the fence about whether to start online dating. It’s really a mixed bag: I know women who have ended up marrying a man they met through a dating app…and women who complain about the dick picks and catfishing that goes on there.

In our survey, we found that only 27% of women think online dating is a good way to meet new people. The majority — 45% of women — are still unsure of the value of online dating, though they have hope that they will meet a quality man. And when it comes to whether or not dating apps are a good resource for finding true love, 68.4% of you think they’re actually making it harder to find love!

Dating apps can eat up a lot of time! On average, people are spending about an hour and a half every day on dating apps looking for someone special. That’s a lot of time!

But Dr. Jess Carbino, Bumble’s in-house sociologist, says you really shouldn’t spend more than 30 minutes a day on the apps: 15 minutes in the morning and 15 in the evening.

Many women feel like online dating is a waste of time; they match with a guy who never starts a conversation, or it is a dead end when they realize they have nothing in common. You’re not the only one frustrated: only 66% of people on dating sites actually end up going on dates.

Here’s something I don’t get: men and women lie on dating apps. Men lie about their age, height, and income, while women lie about their weight, age, and physical build. Can’t we all just be honest??

Another interesting dating statistic: young women (26-year-olds) have more online pursuers than men that age, but the older they get, the more the tables turn: 48-year-old men have twice as many people after them than women the same age.

If you’re like the majority of women on dating apps, you are looking for a nice guy, not a bad guy…or actually, you might want a bit of both. Men are looking for the modern career girl rather than the girl next door. Good information to know!

Communication

mbrace technology in your relationship!

Those of you who regularly read the Sexy Confidence Blog know how big I am on communication in dating and relationships. If you’re back in the dating pool after a year (or decade!) of being in a relationship, you may not know how to navigate the intricate rules of communication in today’s tech-driven world.

Many relationships center around texting, not phone calls, which might frustrate you.

But technology can be a good thing! In our research, we discovered that 45% of our survey respondents think texting is improving their relationship. It can definitely be another channel to communicate with and get to know someone you’re dating, but just don’t rely on texting alone. Bring back those old-school phone calls!

Here’s one of those dating statistics that will make you sit up and take notice: 47% of women and 50% of men have texted nude photos. That in no way means you have to if you’re uncomfortable doing so!

Past Relationships

IDon’t worry. We all have our baggage.

If you’re 40 or older (like 64% of our survey takers), you may have been married or in one or more long relationships in the past. But what about other women? What are their stories?

Not surprisingly, many of you are divorced. Here are a few statistics about divorce you might find interesting:

Every 13 seconds, there’s a divorce in America.

Wives are more likely to file for divorce than husbands.

Virginia, Nebraska, and Delaware have the highest divorce rates.

The US has the third highest divorce rate in the world.

If you’ve been divorced, does that necessarily means a second marriage will end in divorce? The odds are high, unfortunately: 60% of second marriages end in divorce.

My suggestion is to roll slow in a committed relationship after you’ve been divorced once. Remember the mistakes you made in the first marriage and work to not make them again. Don’t rush into marriage a second time!

While the average length of a marriage is eight years, the average length of a second marriage is less than that.

Check this out: while divorce rates are declining for younger people, they have doubled since the 1990s for Americans over 50. I guess it’s never too late to start over.

It turns out the experts argue about how long to wait after a divorce before dating again. Some say you need to wait one year for every five to seven years of marriage, while others say you need one month of healing for every year. What do I say? Wait until you are 1,000% healed, and realize that might take more time than you think you need.

But not everyone is divorced; 7% of American adults are widowed. And 11.3% of people over the age of 40 have never been married. The bottom line is: everyone’s got past baggage of one kind or another when it comes to dating and relationships.

Where to Meet People

If you’re open to it, you might meet someone while on vacation!

I can’t go a week without a woman saying to me, “Adam, I just don’t know where to meet men!!’

I get that it’s frustrating. But you’ve got to keep trying…in the right places. Dating statistics show that only 9% of women have ever ended up in a relationship with someone they met in a bar. So clearly, a bar is not the right place to meet a man!

Where you live can impact how easy or difficult you find it to meet men. Though you might expect bigger cities to be great for meeting men (more men, more opportunity?) cities like Atlanta, Pittsburgh, and Houston are actually bad for meeting people.

So where should you relocate to up your odds of meeting great men? Austin, Colorado Springs, and San Diego top the list. And hey, even if you don’t meet a guy, these are cool cities to live in!

If you don’t live in a city that’s great for meeting people, consider taking a vacation: 70% of people are open to meeting someone special while on vacation, so your next boyfriend might be the passenger in seat 25E or the guy swimming in the hotel pool!

Let’s Talk About Sex

via GIPHY

If there’s a loaded topic around dating, it’s definitely sex. To have it or not to have it? How soon to have it? How frequently? Who with?

If you’re trying to decide when to give it up to a guy, know that 1/3 of women who use online dating have sex on the first date. But only one in four women use protection with first-date sex! C’mon ladies! You’ve got to protect yourself!

I am glad that we’re moving away from the whole sex “rule” of thou shalt not have sex for exactly 5 dates thinking, though women still have a ways to go: only 54% of you have positive feelings about casual sex, compared to 80% of men feeling hunky dory after a hookup.

And this is interesting: researchers have found that women with wider hips are more likely to have one-night stands. Women whose hips measure at least .8 inches wider than other women have had one-night stands for three out of four of their past sexual relationships! Fascinating stuff.

But let’s dive even deeper into these dating stati from Meet Positives SM Feed https://sexyconfidence.com/dating-statistics/ via IFTTT