#it was also a fun movie but seriously the whole experience was extremely surreal

[weia-yo]

i just finished watching nimona and i think it was good, not personally to my tastes but still a solid movie regardless, but the whole damn time i was watching i was Shocked that it was like, a full movie with an obvious budget in the millions of dollars and not a 10 minute indie film with a budget of Maybe 100k from a kickstarter

[toomanyfandoms02]

The Transporter ~Part Three~ // Spencer Reid x Reader

Sorry this took so long!! I have been so busy with work lately, but here she is.

Word count ~ 2,900+

Hope you guys like it :))

I stepped back through the transporter to be met with an empty room. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It read 10:15, that wasn't *that* late. Christine is probably still awake.

I made my way to her room, which wasn't incredibly far from mine. Her door was cracked open and I could see her laying in bed, reading a book in the semi dim lighting. I knocked lightly, pulling her out of her fictional world of Harry Potter.

"Oh! Y/n, I didn't think you were coming back tonight. How was everything?" She gently set her bookmark in the book, placing it on her nightstand.

I couldn't hold back the smile on my face. It was the coolest day of my life, what could I say?

"It was so amazing Christine! I accidentally set myself right into an investigation that I knew about. I met all of them, and it felt different than I thought I would-"

"Did you talk to Spencer?" She asked, nudging my side. I could feel the blood rush to my face.

"Uh, yes." I smiled, looking down at her star clad comforter. "It was incredibly surreal and I can't wait to go back. It was kind of a funny interaction, the first one. He asked me to profile him, which was obviously easy because I know him like the back of my hand. Well I thought that was gonna be the end of our interaction that day. But I accidentally left my laptop at the Bureau."

"Oh yeah *accidentally*." She smiled, throwing air quotes.

"Shush, it was actually an accident." I giggled. "Anyway, he looked up my address I guess and he brought it to me. It was sweet."

"I guess now he knows where to send flowers." I shook my head with a smile. "Well I'm glad you had fun. I hope everything works out well, don't forget there's an actual case though." She winked.

"Thanks Christine, for everything." I waved as I slinked out of the room and down the hall.

I flopped down onto my bed with a simple grin, quickly falling asleep after my eventful day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I slapped my hand over my phone as the alarm began blaring at 9:30. I wanted to fully commit to this whole thing, just like I was in real life. But in reality, I was waking up pretty late, considering I was going to go into their universe at 8:30.

It appeared that Christine was already awake, she was softly knocking at my slightly cracked door.

"Hey sweetie, I take it you wanna head out soon?"

"Yeah! And I'm gonna have to be gone for a couple of days for the case. Get all integrated and such. Is that alright?"

"Yeah of course! Just document some experiences, or anything that seems weird or off about their universe." Chris left the room, shutting my door with a light thud.

I slipped on a white button up, putting a maroon sweater over it to add my own little touch. I looked in the mirror to make sure my dress pants were fitting me correctly and stepped into my two inch black heels.

Since I would be gone for a few days, I grabbed a suitcase plus my go-bag that I had already had from my time interning. The navy blue bag was slung over my shoulder as I walked out my door, immediately bumping into someone. I looked up to see who I remembered as Violet Glynn, who went into the Zombieland Universe.

"Sorry, Violet, right?" I shook her hand. "How's your universe going? I've always loved that movie. Please tell me Columbus is just as sweet and endearing as he is in the actual film?"

I could see her eyes light up with glee, clearly she hadn't had anyone to fangirl properly to, I could tell she was about to explode with information.

"Yes! He is incredibly kind. Talahassee is already trying to dad me, Little Rock and I are already pretty good friends but Witchita is still kinda weary of me, which is understandable. I talked to Ryan, and he said I can only change a few major things so one I chose to do was to keep Columbus from killing Bill Murray. Bill is so fun to live with so far! I just - I am totally talking about myself for too long. How is everything going for you?" I offered her a kind smile of reassurance.

"It's completely fine, I get your excitement. It's really cool, kinda different from the real job I was working. Maybe that's because I'm permanently gawking at one of my coworkers." We both laughed for a moment. "But I'm gonna be gone with him for like 3 days straight so, I guess I'm gonna have to figure something out. When I come back we should talk more." Violet nodded enthusiastically and waved as we walked to our Transporter rooms.

"Of course! See you in a few days."

I could hear Christine's heels clicking not far behind me as I began typing in the date and time.

*February 12th, 8:30 am. 2009*

"Good luck, I will see you in a few days time, yeah?"

"Yep!" I shoved my 'Come back device' in my go-bag and turned on it's much larger counterpart, nodding at Chris as I stepped in.

I was immediately greeted by my apartments bedroom, I could hear my phone buzzing on my side table. I lifted it to see a text from a certain favorite person of mine, and she didn't even know me yet.

*Penelope G*

*Hey sweets! The plane will be ready to be boarded at 9:15. The team is meeting at the BAU first for a carpool, so be there or be square! Have a good time on your first mission, from what I've seen, you're pretty amazing. :)*

I held back a small smile from my lips, this world is just as good as I always wanted it to be.

*Thank you M'lady. I've heard amazing things about you. I hope we can gossip sometime! ;)*

I sent the text and slipped my phone into my back pocket. I chucked a piece of toast in the toaster, quickly spreading peanut butter on it and checking my watch.

*8:45*

I began my walk to the BAU, probably looking extremely weird walking down the street in work attire and a piece of toast slathered with peanut butter. But I was pretty content, continuing to eat it as I reached the doors of my favorite place.

I brushed my hands together to rid of the many crumbs that had accumulated there, seeing JJ and Penelope talking at Jennifer's desk.

"Y/n! Come over here." Penelope waved me over, I pulled at the sleeves of my sweater as I walked over as confidently as possible. "Are you ready for your first case?" She leaned in a little, clearly trying to search my face for a quicker answer.

"Yeah, I think I'm pretty ready. I've done this kinda stuff before but, I'm way more nervous about this."

"I wouldn't worry to much about. I think you already impressed Hotch and Spencer, you read people extremely well. Did you seriously gather all that stuff from Reid just by knowing him for a few minutes?" JJ was clearly now invested.

"Well, yeah. He's relatively easy to read, as long as you're paying attention." JJ nodded with a smirk.

"Well, you certainly made a good first impression, you honestly sound a lot like Reid, maybe you can..." I watched as she peered behind me, her words trailing off. Her eyes darted back and forth between me and whatever was happening behind me. I whipped my head around to see Spencer walking in, he was distracted my a book, which made me smile. But that smile quickly faded as I scanned my eyes over his outfit.

He was wearing a white button up with a black tie and a maroon vest over it with black dress pants. Sound familiar? All but the black tie.

"Maybe you are even more like Reid than I thought." JJ smirked at me. All the blood had run to my face and my feet felt bolted to the ground. Why this? Why on my first official day? I could hear Garcia holding back a laugh behind me.

"This is adorable I'm sorry." She said, giggling a little.

Spencer finally looked up from his book, hearing Penelope laughing. He furrowed his eyebrows, squinting a bit. Probably wondering why I looked like a deer in headlights. He looked down at himself.

Then back up at me.

Then down at himself again.

He just smiled at me and closed his book all the way, adjusting the go-bag he held on his shoulder. I nearly dropped mine.

"What just happened?" Penelope nudged my shoulder. I shrugged and shook my head.

This was clearly going to be quite the day.

I ended up carpooling with JJ, Morgan and Reid. JJ and I sat in the back while Morgan drove, Spencer spitting facts to him about cars and traffic.

"Well, according to the DC Department of Motor Vehicles, there are almost 450,000 active drivers registered in the District. However, millions more drivers commute to DC from neighboring communities in Maryland and Virginia. D.C. is also host to millions of tourists from around the world. In 2014, more than 20 million people visited D.C., many of them renting a car or driving their own vehicle to visit." He rambled.

"Reid, all I said was there was a lot of traffic today."

"I mean he's right though." I piped in. Spence looked back at me with confused eyes. "Washington D.C. is also home to some of the worst traffic in the country. Analysts estimate that the average driver will spend 7 hours a year in traffic, wasting 6 gallons of gas. However, for D.C. drivers, one estimate found the average driver is spending 67 hours a year in traffic, wasting 32 gallons of gas while sitting in traffic." I think hearing him so much on the show, made me a little bit like him in some ways, my friends always rolled their eyes at me whenever I rambled. The only real one who listens is my uncle. He had turned around, but I could tell he was smiling.

Success.

"Good lord there's two of them."

I'll take that as a compliment.

We boarded the plane and I decided on a window seat, leaning my head up against the cold glass. My hand was unknowingly gripping the armrest a little too tightly.

"Are you a nervous flier?" I would obviously know that voice from anywhere, but right now it was coming from right across from me. I leaned my head back on the headrest.

"Not necessarily, I've flown quite a few times. I've just never been in a jet."

"The key difference between jets and propeller planes is that jets produce thrust through the discharge of gas instead of powering a drive shaft linked to a propeller. This allows jets to fly faster and at higher altitudes." He loosened his tie a little. "So I wouldn't worry too much, it feels about the same."

"Well thank you."

It was silent for a bit, but once we were in the sky we began talking about the case. Emily was talking about how she wants to be cremated because being buried was gross and weird.

"I actually agree with you. I think cremation is more personal too, I want someone to sprinkle my ashes somewhere. Not have to visit my grave and waste money on flowers every year."

Me and Emily got into that conversation as the rest of the team slowly started to do their own things. Spencer was back to reading his book, one page every 5 seconds. He peered over his book for a moment, but only a moment.

"I like your outfit by the way." He mumbled, still focused on his book, he lowered it a bit. I could see a smirk creeping onto his features. My ears began burning as the blood rushed to them.

"Thanks." I really wanted to say more to him, but it felt like my jaw was wired shut.

Morgan was not so discreetly looking over at us with eyebrows raised. But I kept my eyes out the window.

We landed about 2 hours later. I had kept myself occupied by writing down everything that just happened, so I wouldn't forget, and for Christine.

"Morgan, Reid, y/l/n, you go with the police search party and find what you can. Prentiss and I will talk to their chief. Rossi and JJ, set us up in the station."

Once we were there, we were put on a search party with the police, they quickly found the body of another woman covered in mud and holding a cross necklace. We were bringing the evidence back to the station with the others. On the way back, Spencer was telling me about the history of gold cross necklaces. I could practically hear Morgan rolling his eyes the whole time, but I just loved hearing him talk.

Once we were there, Rossi showed his blatant coldness towards the psychic that was telling a scared mother that her daughter was okay. Hotch began sending us off again, and we were off to see the bodies.

Days here moved so fast.

Once we arrived I stared at the body on the table. I lightly touched her arm, cold as ice. Seeing these body through the screen was one thing, but knowing these are real people, it's even more sad. Of course I had seen many bodies in my time, but the thought that this wasn't fictional anymore made my stomach churn a little.

"I found trace amounts of seamen, but there is no sign of sexual assault."

"Are you saying this was consensual?" Spencer tilted his head a bit. No no sweet child.

"She's saying it's happening post-mortem." I said, looking down a little. Morgan nodded and Reids face scrunched. This poor woman.

I knew I couldn't change much, because that could royally screw some stuff up, si throughout the whole thing I decided I would change things little by little to move it along faster. What I did this time was make it so we didn't waste time and interrogate the random man who was accused of being a necrophiliac, because his timeline wouldn't match up.

We made it to the house just a smidge earlier, Brooke was found on the operating table in the abandoned home, completely fine.

The days had become exhausting, as soon as we got on the jet I sat in the same seat, dropping my bag down and grabbing a small pillow out of it. I set the pillow against the window and drifted off to sleep fast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to JJ shaking my shoulder, opening my eyes to see a blanket that read *e=mc²* all over it.

"What is this?"

"Oh, I believe Spence put that on you while you were asleep. You were shivering and he happened to have it in his go-bag I guess." She shrugged. "Everyone is heading home, so you want a ride?"

"That would be amazing, thank you."

"No problem."

It was only 5 pm, and Christine wouldn't be expecting me back until tomorrow. So I decided I was gonna get some stuff done with my time, more specifically one big thing.

I grabbed the wad of money that Chris had given me and waved down a taxi. I had them take me to the nearest car dealership. I made a hasty decision and bought a 2007 Mini Cooper. Now I could do what I really wanted.

I looked up Spencer's address and grabbed his blanket, which I had neatly folded and threw on my coffee table. He appeared to live around 15 minutes away by car.

Once I was there, nerves had set in, but I ignored them as I reached the door and knocked 3 times.

I heard a faint "Coming!" From the other side of the dark oak door. He answered with his phone propped up on his shoulder, talking to someone.

"Sorry Mom, I gotta go, love you." He hung up and pulled his phone from his ear. "Hey, what are you doing here."

I presented his blanket to him.

"I figured I would return the favor of you bringing me my laptop by bringing you your blanket." I flopped it into his outstretched arms.

"We have got to stop meeting like this." He smiled, bringing the blanket to his chest. "Would you like to come in?" He brought his hand to the collar of his shirt, attempting to loosen the strain it clearly had on his neck. "I just made a pot of coffee. And since you're just about the only one who actually listens to my ridiculous amount of rambling, I figured we could ramble together? I mean I don't know you very well and I honestly want to be the first to befriend you, you're very intriguingly different. Not in any kind of bad way I just-" His face was slowly getting more red and I could see that his grip on the poor blanket was almost white knuckle.

"I would love to." I stepped into his apartment with a sigh.

Was this a dream?

Maybe.

If so, I wanna be asleep *forever*.

Taglist!!

@natibugg31

@onceupona-diamond

@buck-barn

@cyndagoaway

[gojira007]

Movie Meme

Took me a bit of time, but I was tagged by @bunnikkila to list my nine favorite movies, and since I can’t help but be ridiculously verbose about that very topic, you can see them all under the cut 8D

As for who I tag?  Well, as always with the caveat that you are free to ignore if you don’t wanna, I’ll go with: @elistodragonwings @kaikaku @donnys-boy @robotnik-mun @sally-mun @fini-mun @werewolf-t33th  @cviperfan and @wildwoodmage​

and don’t worry, if you DO go for it, you don’t have to get as Extra as I did about it XD

9.) 

Look, the meme is about Favorite Movies, not necessarily the BEST Movies, OK?  And for the most part this list consists of films where that division is less meaningful in terms of how I evaluate the other movies on here.  But in this specific case, “Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie”, which is ultimately not all that different from the “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ TV show it spun off from and thus not particularly impressive as a work of Cinema Qua Cinema, makes the cut primarily because it’s a movie I know so well and have enjoyed so often that I can practically recite the whole thing to you by rote; I quote it all the time in my day-to-day life, I think about it often when I need a little smile, and it’s also become my favorite tool for introducing newcomers to MST3K as a whole since it was designed with a slightly broader audience in mind than the more willfully-eclectic series.  And given how much I love MST3K As A Whole, that’s an especially strong factor in its favor.

8.) 

Looky looky, @bunnikkila, we (unsurprisingly) have a pick in common!  I’m sure this is the one and only time THAT’S going to happen on this list. 8D

Y’know, nearly thirty years (and one fairly useless remake >_>) later, I think the thing that impresses me about “The Lion King” is just how much it is still able to grab me emotionally.  Some of that is unquestionably tied up with how strongly I associate this movie with my family, all of whom it became very special to as a Shared Experience.  But I also don’t know of a lot of people who haven’t had that same emotional experience with it, and that to me suggests there’s more going on here than just Nostalgia.  The mixture of Shakesperean plotting with Disney’s signature strength of Character, for one thing, granting the movie’s story an Epic Scope that never forgets the emotional inner lives of its cast.  The music for another, not only its instantly-iconic song-book but also its memorable score, armed with both Big Bombast and Gentle Sentiment.  And the unforgettably gorgeous animation, rendering every last element of its world with believable naturalism and strongly-defined personality.  All of it, together, makes for what I still personally consider the Crowning Achievement of the Disney Renaissance.

7.)

I think, if I had to name the thing I find most lacking in far too many modern Action Movies, it’s Clarity.  They all tend to lard their plots up with a bunch of unnecessary contrivances and complications in hopes of making themselves appear more clever than they actually are, and all it usually does is just dilute the impact of the whole thing.  “Mad Max: Fury Road”, by contrast, is all about Clarity.  I could sum up literally its entire plot in a paragraph if I wanted, because it is basically One Big Chase Scene from start to finish, never really deviating from that structure for more than a few minutes at a time.  And that, combined with its exceptionally well-crafted Action Sequences, means that the full weight of its visceral power hits you full force every time.  But don’t be fooled; that simplicity is not to be mistaken for shallowness.  Indeed, precisely by getting out of its own way, knowing exactly what it wants to do and why, “Fury Road” also delivers a story that is, in spite of what you might guess, genuinely subtle and smart.  Every character is immediately unforgettable and compelling because their role in the story is so well-considered and their personalities all so stark.  The world it crafts feels at once fascinatingly surreal and yet All Too Real at the same time because even its most Fantastic elements are ultimately just grotesque reflections of things the audience knows only too well.  And most of all, it tells a story with real, meaningful Themes that are deeply woven into each of its individual elements, such that the whole thing is deeply satisfying emotionally, but also piercingly Relevant in all the best, most affecting ways.

6.) 

Oh look, another pick I have in common with @bunnikkila!  This must be the last one, right?

But yeah, this is just a legitimately great movie, at every level, in every way.  Stylistically, it is one of the most radically inventive things to have ever been made in the world of Western Animated Movies, gleefully mixing together a vast array of Aesthetics and Techniques that are at once viscerally distinct and yet coherently connected, all rendered with a fantastic eye toward the world of Comic Book Visual Language that keeps finding new and extremely fun ways to play with that instantly-recognizable iconography.  For that alone, I would call it one of the greatest triumphs of 21st century animation.  But then, on top of that, the story it tells is one that is simultaneously Arch and self-aware, delivering some of the most fantastically hilarious punch-lines imaginable more than a few of which are at the expense of the very franchise it is working within...but also entirely earnest, sincere, and emotionally affecting.  It is, at once, a movie that manages to be about The Idea Of Spider-Man in its totality while also being about just one kid coming to grips with who he is, what he can do, and what his life can be.  I don’t know that I can remember the last time a movie so immediately and unmistakably marked itself as an Enduring Masterpiece, but “Into the Spider-Verse” absolutely pulled it off.

5.)

Ordinarily, I would cheat and give this slot to the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy in its totality.  But somehow, the fact that this is about “FAVORITE” movies instead of just what we think the BEST one is compels me to narrow it down to just one.  And if I had to pick just one, it would be the first of the three, “Fellowship of the Ring”.  It’s not necessarily anything that the other two movies get wrong, either.  All three of the LotR movies possess many of its keenest strengths, after all.  For a starter, there’s the keen understanding of how best to adapt the source material without being enslaved to it; capturing many of its most iconic moments while cleverly tweaking elements to make them more cinematic, knowing what scenes to focus on for the sake of more clearly focusing the emotional through-lines of the story, and knowing what scenes, no matter how good on the page, ultimately don’t fit to the shape the adaptation has taken.  There’s also its pitch-perfect casting, each and every actor doing a fantastic job of embodying the characters so well that even as your personal vision of them from the books may differ radically from what is on-screen, they nonetheless end up feeling Right for the part and a strong, compelling presence.  And there’s the deft visual hand of director Peter Jackson, who knows exactly how to craft a Middle Earth that feels at once lived-in and real but also Fantastic and magical.  “Fellowship”, for me at least, thus wins out mostly because it has the good luck of being adapted from the strongest of the three books, the point at which the narrative is at its most unified and thus has the strongest overall momentum.  But also because so few movies have so swept me away with the sense of stepping into a world I have always dreamed of in my mind’s eye, and that’s the sort of thing that can only happen at the beginning of a journey.

4.) 

Now here’s a movie that is literally sown in to my very being.  It’s the last movie my mother saw in theaters before becoming a Mom.  I grew up watching the “Real Ghostbusters” cartoon all the time and playing with the attendant toys; I had a “Ghostbusters” Birthday Party when I was, like, four years old.  It has been my annual Halloween Tradition to get myself a big Cheese Pizza and watch this movie for about as long as I’ve had disposable income to myself.  There is, quite literally, no point in my life where I don’t remember “Ghostbusters” being a fixture in it.  And as a nice bonus?  It is, legitimately, a Genuinely Great Movie.  I realize that isn’t quite as universally agreed upon these days as it was even a few years ago (thanks, Literally The Worst Kind Of Virulently Misogynist Assholes lD; ), but I still feel pretty confident in saying this one really is That Good.  I still find basically every one of its jokes hilarious; even now I could quote just about any one of them and get a laugh.  I still find its central premise, What If Exorcism Was A Blue-Collar Business, a brilliant, almost subversively clever one that takes The Supernatural out of the realm of The Unknowable and into a world where even you, an ordinary person off the street, can in fact fight back against it.  I still think it’s one of the all-time great examples of how to balance Tone in this sort of High Concept Genre Bender, by allowing The Story to be played relatively straight while allowing the comedy to flow naturally from the characters’ reactions to that story, allowing its Ghostly aspects to land as Genuinely Scary (or at least Worth Taking Seriously) without getting too Stern and Serious about it.  And I still listen to that unforgettable Title Song all the time!  So yeah, even if I could be more objective about it, “Ghostbusters” would almost certainly make this cut.      

3.) 

And so we come to the third and last pick I have in common with @bunnikkila, not coincidentally a movie that played a key role in solidifying our friendship, as bonding over our shared love of it was a big part of how we got to know each other on deviantART waaaay back in the day <3

By 2008, I really didn’t think it was possible for a movie or comic or TV show to really become “part” of me anymore, the way things like Sonic the Hedgehog or Marvel Super Heroes or Some Other Movie Character Who Might Be At The Top Of This List had.  And then “WALL-E” came along and proved that to be completely, utterly wrong.  I didn’t just love this movie, I was inspired by it, to a degree of strength and consistency that I’m still not entirely sure has yet been matched.  And to be sure, some of that is undoubtedly because the movie had already basically won the war before I’d even bought my ticket; Adorable Robots In Love is something like My Platonic Storytelling Ideal, after all.  But even setting that aside, “WALL-E” is a movie where even now I can’t help but be keenly aware, and gently awed, at the beauty of its craft; indeed, watching this movie in a theater did a lot to make me better understand why movies work on us the way they do, because I left that theater chewing so much on every last one of its elements.  Its gorgeous animation, the way it conveys Character through Actions more so than language, the dream-like quality of its musical score (even as i type this i get teary thinking about certain motifs), the clear and meaningful way it builds its theme and story together so harmoniously, and the particular perspective it takes on our relationships with each other, with our environments, and with our own technology...all of it speaks to me deeply and profoundly, and it’s no coincidence that I have seen this movie more times in theaters than any other on this list (twelve times, for the record, and I still remember each and every time XD).

2.) 

This one needs no personal qualifications, to my mind.  Yes, I have some degree of nostalgic attachment to it for having seen it relatively young with my brothers and being deeply moved by it then, but it’s not at all like the kind of Nostalgia I have for “The Lion King”.  “Princess Mononoke” is just flat-out, full-stop a complete Masterpiece, not just my personal pick for one of the single-best animated films ever made, but one of the best films period.  It’s almost difficult for me to put into words how great this movie is, certainly in a way that hasn’t been repeated to death by thousands of other smarter people, because no one of its elements quite answers the question of why it is so great, to my mind.  Yes, the animation is absolutely gorgeous with a design sensibility that brings Ancient Mythology to life so vividly that its influence can still be felt today (The Forest Spirit alone has been homaged all over the place).  And yes, the music is hauntingly beautiful, at once capturing the gentle rhythm of nature but also the elegiac tone of Life Moving On.  And yes, the story is an incredible mixture of the Broad Mythic Strokes of an Ancient Legend grounded in all too human Emotions and Ideas about the balance of nature, the full meaning and cost of Warfare, and perhaps most important of all, about how we determine Right and Wrong when everyone involved in a conflict is fighting simply for the right to survive.  But all of those things add up together to something even greater than a simple sum, because each one isn’t just good in its own right but because each element so perfectly reinforces the other.  And even having said all that?  I really could just carry on singing this movie’s praises.  Just...an absolute masterpiece, top to bottom.

1.) 

I don’t imagine any of you are terribly surprised at this, right?  I almost feel like it’d be redundant to explain my love for this movie, given how self-obvious I imagine it is to basically everyone who knows me Literally At All.  But heck, I’ve rambled on this long, why not go all the way?  Because the thing of it is, “Gojira” (to be clear, the original Japanese movie from 1954 rather than its American edit, “Godzilla: King of the Monsters” from 1956) doesn’t just top the list by being a Great Movie.  Though to be clear, it really is.  Flawless?  No; there’s a reliance on puppetry that even for the time can be a bit chintzier than the movie can really afford, in particular.  But brilliant, even so, a heart-wrenching example of Science Fiction Storytelling As Allegory, one that, in a rarity not just for its own genre but indeed for many movies in general, very meaningfully lingers on its deepest, darkest implications.  Many a film critic has pointed it out, and it remains true: the stark black-and-white photography heightens the sense of Implacable Horror at the core of the story, and the way the central Melodrama, a tragic love triangle that carries with it many aspects of Class Conflict and Personal Desire VS. The Collective Good, ties back into the main story is truly beautiful in its elegance and emotional impact.  Still, for me personally, it tops the list, now and always, because it is a movie that affirmed something for me, that the character I had fallen in love with as a child convincing his family to watch a monster movie with him on television to prove his seven-year-old bravery, really was as genuinely as powerful and meaningful a figure as I had always imagined him to be. 

[spaceskam]

Could you maybe write about alex not being able to forget that the thing with maria happened? Like them finally getting back together but when things get steamy he sees michael and maria

ao3

Alex had never been in on a date.

In high school, that wasn’t actually an option.  In the Air Force, there wasn’t exactly time or opportunity.  Most of his experience with men was random hookups and, well, Michael Guerin.  So, when he found himself getting ready for his first real date with Michael Guerin, it was nothing short of surreal.

Michael had spiraled downward after Caulfield, Noah, and Max dying.  He stayed with Maria for four months before she dumped him because he was wasted almost every minute of the day and was getting arrested more times than he really should’ve.  Isobel had come to Alex in a truly concerning state and had begged him for help.  They needed Michael to get Max back, but Michael needed to have something on his mind other than anger and alcohol.  Alex found it hard to say no.

So, with the help of Kyle and Liz, the four of them dedicated an absurd amount of time to helping Michael Guerin.  Detox for an alien proved to be even worse than it was for humans.  He’d gotten violent, he’d lost control, he’d spent more than one night crying on Isobel’s bathroom floor.  Alex would be lying if he said it was easy to watch.

However, the Michael that came out of it was a Michael that made him lose all train of thought.  He was softer without alcohol fueling him, he was somewhere between that teenage boy Alex had fallen in love with and the man that had insisted he wouldn’t look away.  Michael had apologized more than once to Alex for all the wrong he’d done and it coaxed apologies out of Alex himself.  They’d somehow managed to repair something between them without even thinking about it and it had Alex feeling more lost in love with him than before.

At first, that had scared the shit out of him.  Michael had stood him up to go hook up with his friend and that was something that was extremely hard to forget.  Even though he understood what had driven Michael to make that call, he still felt insanely insecure over being forgotten by the man who was at the forefront of his mind every single day since they were 16 and he’d seen Michael shirtless and sunbathing beside Isobel in the bed of his truck.

However, it got a little easier when Michael assured him that’s not exactly how it happened.  Alex was on his mind, but agreeing to meet up with Alex hadn’t been.  Them agreeing that had been a fleeting moment smashed in between so much life-altering bullshit that he’d forgotten what day it was, much less when he should’ve been back to talk.  Michael had insisted that he’d literally just told Isobel that he loved him, it was just hard to process and he wanted something that didn’t feel like it might kill him if he lost it.  Admittedly, it felt like a good lie, but Alex willingly bought anything that came from the sincere face Michael had been wearing for a long time now.  He wanted Alex to know everything, no lies.  Alex was his family, he deserved it all.

That made it significantly easier to be in love with him all over again.  All that love was amplified when they started hanging out more and more, getting to know each other better than they ever had.  Sober Michael was funny and playful and loud.  He cooked a lot, he sang a lot, he worked out a lot.  And, not-so-surprisingly, sober Michael was beautifully powerful.  The control he’d managed to have over his abilities hadn’t even been considered before, but without shit tainting his system, it proved to be a lot more than that.  In a good mind, Michael was gifted beyond understanding.  He could move multiple things with little focus, he could feel people’s energies before they even walked through the door, he could fuck with the molecular structure of objects in a way that made it hard to even comprehend.

He could heal a bird with a broken wing.

Alex had been with him when he’d healed that bird outside the cabin.  It was nothing more than a fledgling and Michael had taken to it like it was second nature.  Alex had watched with blinding adoration as Michael cradled it to his chest and created some makeshift nest from pine needles, watching it for a moment before asking Alex for tweezers to which he complied.  He came back with them only to see something on Michael’s face he didn’t recognize.  Michael had picked up the bird and brought it to his chest once again.  And then his hand began glowing.  They were both more than a little speechless when the bird took flight.  Alex had to rub his back when he threw up a few seconds later with tears rolling down his cheeks.

Within a month of building on those newfound abilities along with Isobel, they managed to work together and get Max back.  For the first time probably ever, Michael was happy.  Like, really happy.  He was doing good in so many aspects of his life and Alex was more proud than he could even comprehend.  So, when Michael had approached him saying that the only thing he was missing was them being together and asked him to go on a real date, Alex couldn’t say no.  He didn’t want to say no.  Finally, they were both in a place where they could be together and be healthy.  Somehow, it felt new.

And, when Michael showed up at his door with a flower in hand, Alex was suddenly 17 and in a teen rom-com.

“Uh, hi,” Michael said, holding out the flower, “This is for you.”

Alex smiled, “Thanks.”

After putting the flower in a vase, they got into Michael’s truck and started heading towards the restaurant.  It was weirdly tense as they sat there as if they hadn’t already seen each other naked or have emotional breakdowns.  Of course, going on a date would feel like more pressure than, you know, dying.

“So, uh, anything new?” Alex asked once they finally got to the restaurant.  Michael looked over with a sweet smile.

“Not much since I saw you yesterday,” he teased.  Alex felt his face turn red and then silently cursed himself for acting like a teenage boy.  “Oh!  Max is going back to work tomorrow.  They gave him his job back.”

“That’s awesome!  I know he was worried he wouldn’t be able to,” Alex said, again fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeves.

“Also,” Michael said tentatively, shifting in his seat, “I’m thinking about going to school.” Alex’s eyes widened.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, I want to do something more with myself, you know?  I know I’m smart, I could do it.” Michael said.  He had such a sweet face that it made it hard for Alex to be upset at the idea of him leaving.  They were just getting started.

“That-that’s amazing, Guerin, seriously.  I hope it all works out.  Where are you thinking of going?” Please say something nearby, please say something nearby.

“Uh, I don’t know yet.  Probably just gonna start with like online classes and stuff, see if I like it.  I don’t know, I haven’t thought it all through, I just know I want to do more.  It feels good doing more.” Alex was almost convinced this was actually a dream.  The man Michael had turned into was dreamy.  “Obviously, I’ll still work on cars and shit.  I like working with my hands.  I’m good with them.  But you knew that.” Yep, dreamy.

Things began to get a little easier as the night went on.  They ordered separate plates but shared the food they’d ordered.  They were able to laugh and smile and enjoy each other knowing this was the real deal.  There was no confusion.  They loved each other and, even though it took eleven years, they finally got to be together.

Driving back home, however, had Alex feeling anxious.  Regardless of their history, this was technically their first date.  Were they allowed to kiss?  He hadn’t touched Michael in so long even though his body literally ached for him and the idea of leaving this night without a kiss was torture.  Staring at Michael in the driver’s seat looking happy and healthy and good made him want even more than that.  It’d been so long.

Michael walked him up to the door and they stared at each other, suddenly once again in a bad teen movie.  Should he make the first move?  Should he let Michael?  Should they just hug or shake hands?  This shouldn’t be so complicated.

“I had fun tonight,” Alex said, trying to make sure Michael wouldn’t leave when he was still trying to figure out what to do.

“Me too,” Michael said, giving that beautiful smile of his.  Why was this so hard?  They’d kissed and had sex a million times before and under way more confusing situations than this, so why was it suddenly hard?  He didn’t want it to be hard.  The whole point of working on them as people before they worked on them together was so it wouldn’t be so hard!  It wasn’t fair, he’d spent so much time working on things only for it to‒ “Can I kiss you?”

Alex blinked hard, “What?”

“Can I kiss you?  I didn’t know if, like, that’s what you want and I don’t want to assume and then go in for it and then be wrong and upset you.  And-and I know sometimes when you get that spacey look in your eyes you don’t like when people touch you, so I was just asking.  Because I really, really want to kiss you, but I don’t wanna like‒”

“Yes, absolutely, do that, kiss me,” Alex said, nodding his head as a stupid smile found his face.  Michael relaxed with a sigh.

“Okay, good, good,” he said, taking one more big breath as his eyes did that dumb thing where he looked Alex up and down.  Well, it wasn’t dumb, but it made Alex feel dumb.  It was that type of look that made his brain short circuit.

Michael cupped his face in his hands as he moved in, leaving a short and sweet kiss on his lips that felt oddly reminiscent of their actual first kiss.  He pulled back just enough to make sure it was okay and it really, really was, so Alex pulled him back.  One kiss led to another, happy laughter spilling from them helplessly.

This was good.  This was what he was waiting for.

That is until Alex’s back hit the door and all he could see was when Michael had done the same thing to Maria in the middle of the Wild Pony, right in front of him, a few months back.

Alex pulled away sharply, discomfort coursing through his veins as he stared at the man he loved.  Michael furrowed his eyebrows in concern, tilting his head.

“You okay?” Michael asked softly.  Alex shook off the image in his mind and nodded, bringing Michael back to his lips.  He was a good kisser on a bad day, a good kisser when he was drunk and sloppy, but kissing a completely sober and of-sound-mind Michael was something he hadn’t actually done since high school.  It was good.  It should’ve been amazing.

Except Maria probably got it first.

“Wait,” Alex said, placing his hands firmly on Michael’s chest and pushing him away.  Michael took even more voluntary steps back to give him space.

Alex was struggling and he didn’t know why.  He’d fixed his relationship with Michael, he’d even sort of made up with Maria.  They’d talked multiple times about why she did what she did.  Not only had she promised she wouldn’t do it again and then did, but she dated him.  She dated him for months in front of Alex, kissed him in front of Alex, stopped talking to Alex all together.  She’d been a bad friend and she knew it.  She had admitted on more than one occasion that Michael was the first decent guy she’d liked in a long time and she was hoping he would be worth it.  But she also wasn’t aware of the history she was putting herself between.  Alex said he couldn’t forget, but he promised to try to forgive.  He thought he had.

He guessed he hadn’t.

“When’s the last time you kissed Maria?” Alex asked.  Michael furrowed his eyebrows.

“Huh?  Alex, I haven’t even seen her in weeks, she won’t talk to me.” Michael told him.  Alex was aware of what he meant, but god his word choice couldn’t have been worse.

“So you’ve reached out to her?  You’ve, you’ve tried to get back with her when we were in the middle of fixing things?” Alex clarified.  Michael’s eyes widened.

“No!  No, I’ve been trying to apologize to her.  I used her and I feel awful about it.  I mean, I liked her, but I knew I wanted you and I just… I’ve tried to apologize.  I swear I haven’t been with her.” Michael promised.  Alex nodded slowly as he tried to push her out of his thoughts.

But he couldn’t.  And that pissed him off.  For months, Alex and Michael had been replacing their negative memories of each other with overwhelming positives.  He no longer saw a mutilated teenager or a broken adult, he saw a genius who was kind to a fault.  His Michael-centric dreams had gone from torture and misery to sweet domesticities and blush-worthy passion.  A future with Michael was finally tangible and right there in his grasp‒but he couldn’t enjoy it.  For a moment, he hated both Michael and Maria for it.  At the end of the day, though, Alex could only blame himself.  He couldn’t just let himself be happy.

“I think you should go,” Alex whispered.  He kicked himself when Michael’s face collapsed into sheer panic.

“Wait, no, Alex, just tell me how to fix this.  I’ll do whatever,” Michael insisted.

“I don’t know, Guerin!  I-I can’t kiss you without seeing her.  I don’t know how to make that go away,” Alex said, groaning as he let his head hit the door.  “I… I just need some time to figure everything out.”

“Alex,” Michael whispered, “Did I ruin us for good?”

Alex breathed out slowly, “I honestly don’t know.”

Michael turned around, his hands covering his face.  This was so fucking unfair.  His whole body ached for Michael’s touch, every inch of his skin all but screaming to feel his.  But his brain wouldn’t let him.  If he couldn’t now after everything that had changed over the recent months, how would he ever?

Why couldn’t he ever win?

“Okay,” Michael sighed, turning back to face him, “I’ll give you time to figure out where to go from here.  I’m sorry.  I really hope… I hope I didn’t fuck us up,” Alex nodded curtly.  Michael’s sad eyes looked over him a few times.  “Alright, I’ll see you.”

Alex rested his head against the door, watching him walk away.  It felt like a wild twist of events seeing him walk away, especially considering how utterly amazing the night had started out.  But, seeing him so upset struck worry in Alex, quickly reminding him that regardless of what Michael had done, he was also a recovering addict.

“Michael,” Alex called.  His head turned with that pained look all over his sweet face.  “Don’t drink, okay?  You’ve been doing amazing, don’t this stupid situation mess you up.”  Michael gave a small smile, nodding before healing towards his truck.

Except, when he reached the door, he paused.  Alex’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion and he was about to ask if he was alright before Michael swiftly turned and started coming back towards the cabin with a newfound determination.

“You know what?” Michael started as he stepped onto the porch, “We will figure this out‒but together.  Almost every issue we’ve ever had could’ve been fixed if we’d just fucking talked, but we were always so bad at it.  But, lately, we’ve gotten really good at the whole talking thing and we’re gonna fix this.  I love you and you love me and we have literally gone through too much bullshit for something like this to be the end of us.  Look, I’m gonna give you some time to yourself, but know I’m not giving up.  This is only our first date, we don’t need to have sex or even make out.  We’re gonna… gonna go slow and become a real ass couple until there’s no doubt in your gorgeous mind that you’re the only one in the world for me, Alex Manes.  We’re gonna see shitty movies together and cuddle on the couch and I’m going to take you on picnics and shit.  I’m gonna make you fall in love with me all over again so that our past doesn’t even matter.”

Michael had said a lot of romantic things in the time Alex had known him, but somehow this decision to communicate through the bump in the road of their relationship felt like the biggest moment in his life.  Alex couldn’t even help but smile even though he knew that he still had shit to do before they actually fulfilled his promise.

“Okay.  Let’s work through this together then,” Alex said softly.  He wanted to kiss him so badly that it nearly hurt, but he wasn’t about to ruin another moment tonight on the off chance his brain was still doused in Michael’s tongue down Maria’s throat.

Michael took a step closer, “We’re fuckin’ cosmic, baby, the universe is gonna have to try harder.”  Alex snorted, the smile still plastered on his face as Michael kissed his head and then his cheek before taking a step back.  “You have a good night and you brainstorm some ways to get your mind full of Michael and Alex, not Michael and Maria.  I will talk to you tomorrow, I love you, good night.”

“You brainstorm too, Guerin.  Love you, night.  Drive safe.” Alex said, grabbing his arm just long enough to place a chaste kiss on his lips.  That he could take.  That didn’t feel tainted.  It was when shit got heavier which, again, was unfair.  But he had a new wave of hope that they’d be able to work towards that again.  Michael brought a fucking person back to life‒he could help bring back their relationship.

Alex watched as he walked away again, only this time there was a bit of a skip in his step.  It was much better than him being sad.  Actually, literally, anything was better than him being sad.

Whenever the truck was out of sight, fatigue hit Alex.  He’d been on his prosthetic for way too many hours and the emotional roller coaster the last 30 minutes were had him feeling exhausted.  He managed to drag himself to the bathroom and drew himself a bath, sinking into the hot water as he brainstormed.  The longer he thought, the more it seemed like there was only one real place to start.  It wasn’t a place he was excited to start, but he was willing to do what it took to be with Michael.  So, when he got out of the bath, he grabbed his phone and sent a quick text to Maria.

Can we meet up tomorrow?  I need to talk to you.

[letterboxd]

Demented Suburbia.

Greener Grass writer-director-stars Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe share their favorite films while pontificating on extreme politeness, John Waters and The Swimmer.

New indie comedy Greener Grass is not the Netflix marijuana documentary Grass is Greener, but you could be forgiven for making that mistake after the directors of the former gave out free marijuana at a recent outdoor screening, according to their friend Jim Cummings (who makes a cameo in the film, and lurks on Letterboxd).

It’s been a case of watch-and-learn for other up-and-coming filmmakers, as Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe have stormed the 2019 festival scene with their utterly weird and wonderfully bonkers debut feature. Nobody is doing red carpet lewks like them, nobody else is handing out free weed (that we know of), and nobody else has made a film quite like theirs. Attracting comparisons to the films of David Lynch, Anna Biller and Tim Burton, but utterly at home in its own creepily perfect world, Greener Grass is the WTF-is-up-with-white-people film America deserves right now.

And it’s the culmination of years of creative growth for DeBoer and Luebbe, friends and Upright Citizens Brigade veterans, whose suburban moms Jill and Lisa first appeared in the Paul Briganti-directed short of the same name (for which they won the 2016 SXSW Special Jury Award for Recognition for Writing). DeBoer and Luebbe stepped into the directing chairs for The Arrival, another short exploring demented suburbia, while developing Greener Grass for television.

When a series failed to eventuate, they spun Jill and Lisa’s world into the feature film, landing on the unforgettable location of Peachtree City, Alabama, a real town built for the golf-cart lifestyle. Greener Grass hit the spot for many Letterboxd members at its Sundance premiere: “Just what I needed after seeing so many dark films!” was Alicia Malone’s reaction. “Unlike anything I've ever seen but … tackles ideas I have never been more familiar with,” wrote Karsten.

The story kicks off when Lisa compliments Jill on her newest baby and Jill, following suburban rules of politeness, hands the baby over to Lisa to raise. This is far from the strangest thing that will happen to a child in Greener Grass.

We needed to know where this wild duo get their filmmaking inspiration from. When we spoke with DeBoer and Luebbe they were in “high heaven”, having just held the LA premiere of Greener Grass.

Lisa, Dennis, their son Bob, their adopted daughter Madison (now Paige), and their newborn soccer ball, in a family portrait from ‘Greener Grass’.

What were some of the real-life ‘greener grass’ moments that inspired your film? Dawn Luebbe: There’s one story which Jocelyn tells about her aunt who was at a dinner party one night. She was in the kitchen talking to the host and complimented them on her apron—“that’s a cute apron!”—and the host took it off and said it “you must have it, take my apron.” At once she was like, “oh no, I just like it, I don’t need it,” and the host insisted and wouldn’t drop it. So that night Jocelyn’s aunt left with that apron. Of course, that’s just a very small example of politeness taken to the extreme. We took that general vibe and added to it and really blew it out.

Jocelyn DeBoer: I feel like we experience this at restaurants too. Dawn and I are from the Midwest, so we have a problem where no-one ever really wants to eat the last bite of something that’s shared. I do remember one experience where I was on a double-date with some acquaintances I didn’t know so well and we were eating sushi. Someone had those crispy rice things that have some spicy tuna on top and when the waiter brought it out, one of them fell to the floor. Our friend just picked it up and said “10 second rule!”. The waiter felt bad and offered to bring new ones and we were saying, “Yes, get the new sushi. Don’t eat that one off the floor!” But the person didn’t want to make the waiter feel bad and ate it right in front of them. I thought, ‘this is a Greener Grass moment for sure!’.

You’ve said elsewhere that you tried to avoid referencing other films in the development of yours, but can you tell us some films that you love, that peddle in the same story area of ‘demented suburbia’? JD: We always admit that we were watching Twin Peaks together at the time we were making our short, so there’s no denying that David Lynch is an inspiration to us. Mulholland Drive, of course. Blue Velvet, too. The two of us just love John Waters, he rocks.

DL: We love how John Waters satirizes suburbia but he also clearly has such love and adoration for it too. It’s our dream to strike the same balance.

JD: Yeah, we’re laughing with the people we grew up with, not just at them.

DL: I would say also Edward Scissorhands was another movie that was a point of reference in terms of the bright pastel color-block world, with this element of darkness filtering in.

JD: We love satires like Brazil, the visual comedy especially. We both loved that surreal world. Luis Buñuel, of course, with The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie, has the sketch-like aspects in a narrative film we wanted to do. We could just go on!

Jill (Jocelyn DeBoer) and Marriott (Janicza Bravoin) in a scene from ‘Greener Grass’.

Greener Grass technically has a lot in common with great horror films—one of our members, Sara, writes: “This reminded me so much of Halloween with the use of voyeurism and the John Carpenter-esque score… Suburban moms are ten times scarier than Michael Myers”. So since it’s Hallowe’en, tell us your favorite, go-to horror films. JD: I don’t know if this counts as a Hallowe’en movie but I love Rosemary’s Baby. That and The Shining come to mind first.

DL: Those two very much for me too. You know, I have to admit that maybe until about five years ago, I thought I was not a fan of horror. I feel a little not in the best position to speak to that. I tried very much to cram in what I can and then I discovered I actually love horror movies.

JD: The funny thing is that no-one loves true crime more than Dawn!

DL: Yes, true crime is my greatest passion.

Which film turned you onto horror, Dawn? DL: I actually think it was Rosemary’s Baby. I saw that and thought ‘this is very scary and I love it’. This is more recent, but Get Out, too. I found the marriage of comedy and horror to just be incredible and the visuals in that movie, to have such a sense of cinematic comedy-horror, just blew my mind.

You gave some of the best lines to the child actors in Greener Grass. What was your approach to working with them to capture the absurd spirit of the film? DL: That’s so nice! We absolutely love Julian Hilliard, who plays Julian, and Asher Miles Fallica, who plays Bob. From the second we saw their audition tape, they so got the tone, the characters, and they just jumped off the screen for us. They’re so mature in a way. They understood the comedy and the tone in a way we did not anticipate.

JD: They took their roles so seriously. One story we love about Julian is how he had to fall in the pool and we shot that very early on. We told him we want him to fall just like a plank and we’re showing him YouTube videos of planking so he was practising it in the hotel pool. We went on the day to shoot that scene, and the take that’s in the movie is our first and only take. He just nailed it perfectly. A couple weeks later, we went to shoot the first scene of the movie, which is when he falls in the soccer field. We go to shoot it and Julian starts to fall in a hard plank, just like he did in the pool but on the grass. We were like, “wait, no no no, you don’t have to fall like that!” and he just looked at us and went, “but that’s how Julian falls!”

What streaming platform is Kids with Knives on? Seriously: we’re fans of films that build a complete world within, including the fake shows and commercials you see playing on television sets. Can you tell us some inside stories of developing those? JD: Those were so much fun for us to work on.

DL: These kids were just so incredibly enthusiastic and Jocelyn had them circle round and asked them what kind of gymnastics can you do, let’s see what you got. And then one after the other they were doing the splits, back-handstands… We thought, ‘this is great—Gymnastics and Knives!’ We should have been filming that.

We’ve really enjoyed showing your trailer to people for that ‘what-the-fuck’ reaction. What’s a bizarre film that you love to recommend to people? (We asked this same question to Daniel Scheinert who directed Swiss Army Man and The Death of Dick Long and he said Greener Grass.) JD: Wait, are you kidding?! That’s so nice, oh my gosh! The first film that came to mind is Dogtooth. I’m always curious to talk to people about that one. Dawn, what about The Swimmer? Have you seen The Swimmer? You have to. It’s the Burt Lancaster vehicle.

DL: It’s about a man who crosses his county by swimming across every swimming pool. I’ll just say: what you think the movie is in the beginning turns out to be very different to what the movie is. The protagonist changes quite a bit.

JD: One of the coolest things about how we’re travelling the world promoting Greener Grass is how we get to talk to people afterwards and they go, “Oh the movie reminds me of this, it reminds me of that.” It was the director of Fantastic Fest who told us we have to watch The Swimmer. We watched it on the plane and there is a scene where a man is kind of obsessed with the filtration system in his pool. Everyone is talking about how great their pools are the whole movie, so yes, this is like our movie, thank you.

DL: There’s also a passionate monologue about a hot-dog wagon that’s the best thing that ever happened in cinema.

JD: It’s fantastic!

What are your go-to comfort movies? How many times do you think you’ve seen them? DL: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory I’ve probably seen 500 times.

JD: I really love Dumb & Dumber. I’m also a big comfort watcher of the Sex and the City TV show but I don’t recommend the movies!

What’s a film you wish you had made? JD: I want to say Roma, but that movie couldn’t be more different from Greener Grass. I loved it.

DL: For me, I’ll say Waiting for Guffman. It has such a special place in my heart. I just remember when I was probably fifteen or sixteen seeing that movie in Nebraska and laughing so hard my stomach hurt and thinking, ‘wow, movies can be like this?’

What’s a beloved movie you couldn’t get into? JD: Now I just feel bad talking about other films in a bad way. I’m really glad this film exists—but personally I had trouble getting into the Wonder Woman movie. I think there’s a lot of cool things about it. Maybe I’m just over superhero movies.

Dennis and Jill share an extra-marital kiss in ‘Greener Grass’.

You told a journalist at Sundance that you “did have one storyline that you pulled late in the game in fear that it might be taking something too far. We still fight about that decision and Dawn is wrong”. Are you prepared to tell us that twist now?! JD: I don’t know why I said that because we just set ourselves up to be asked that all the time. We are not going to tell you what it is, but we can tell you one storyline that Dawn and I actually loved that we ended up cutting before going into production. In a previous draft of ours, Buck, Kim Ann’s husband, who she divorces and he starts to become a cowboy, shows up at a kid’s birthday party with a new girlfriend and all the women are gossiping about, “Oh no, did you hear Buck has a new girlfriend, her name is Pamela,” and, well, she’s just hair. It turns out when we meet Pamela, she is just a very large, floating blowout. At this time Buck was also trying to sell a jet-ski because Pamela can’t do wind. It was a favorite bit of ours.

We did a few script readings with our comedy writer friends and paid attention to what people laughed at and what people talked about afterwards. No-one ever mentioned Pamela. They didn’t say she was confusing, they didn’t say they liked her nor that they didn’t like her. And we were, like, for just a character who’s all hair to not be spoken about at all, it’s not a good sign and we should lose her. Since then, we had people who read those scripts and [said]: “Why is Pamela not in the movie?!” and we’re now “Well, damn. We don’t know!”

DL: Maybe we’ll make a movie about Pamela one day.

You were working with such a great cast of improvisers. How did you strike a balance between what you had on the page, and what they could bring on set; in what ways did they surprise and delight you? Not only your actors, but for the artists on set such as your costume and production designers. DL: We were just so blessed to work with these incredible improvisers; Mary Holland (Kim Ann), D’Arcy Carden (the school-teacher, Miss Human), Neil Casey (Lisa’s husband, Dennis) and Beck Bennett (Jill’s husband, Nick). It was such a gift. I would say the movie is probably 95% scripted, so it was pretty close to the script. There were a number of improv moments in the final cut that we absolutely loved. One of my favorite lines in the movie is when Kim Ann is sitting on her porch and Jill arrives and hands her a taco dip and Kim Ann asks “is it seven layers?” and Jill admits it’s only five and Kim Ann says “put it on the floor!” That line is totally improv’d by Mary in the moment. She’s just a dream.

JD: It’s true, our designers added so many things. It was something that we talked about from the very beginning, that we want there to be comedy in every frame of the movie. We love having Easter eggs. We found one after the SXSW screening. Dennis tells a joke at the soccer field and everyone laughs way too hard and he fancies himself a comedian. In the scene in Lisa’s living room when the kids are watching Kids with Knives and Dennis is sleeping, we found that the production designer Leigh Poindexter added a VHS tape that’s sitting on the coffee table that’s just labeled ‘Comedy’, as if Dennis has been studying comedy for his joke, which we thought was so funny.

Our costume designer Lauren Oppelt added so many little touches, but one we really loved: Nick is always wearing our family’s color, pink, and a very gender-normative blue. After Nick and Jill get divorced, he shows up in all beige to go get more pool water, but for the little logo on his polo Lauren embroidered a sad face. It was so funny. We loved that touch.

Finally, a question we’ve been asking filmmakers all year: which film made you want to become filmmakers? JD: It’s so, so long ago but I think for me it was Memento. I saw that when it first came out in the theater, with my Dad. I was just a child then but it blew my mind.

DL: Welcome to the Dollhouse. That was the first true dark comedy I saw where I was deeply disturbed by how much I was laughing. I want to make something like that too.

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Sinister Suburbia: what’s really going on in that neighborhood?

Creepy Teenage Suburbia: “settings not limited to but including: high school hallways, proms, corn fields, religious dictatorships, convenience stores, football pitches, family compounds, back gardens.”

Films Directed by Women: Vanessa’s comprehensive—and growing—list of films directed by women.

‘Greener Grass’ is an IFC Midnight release. The film is out now in selected US cinemas and on streaming platforms. All production stills courtesy IFC Films.

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 21 October 2019

Quick Bits:

Action Comics #1016 continues brilliantly integrating Naomi into the broader DC Universe as she helps Superman with the Red Cloud and introduces Batman to her mom. Some very nice double-page spreads in this one from Szymon Kudranski and Brad Anderson, with a nice structure from Brian Michael Bendis in the form of a investigative journalist format.

| Published by DC Comics

The Amazing Mary Jane #1 is an interesting debut from Leah Williams, Carlos Gomez, Carlos Lopez, and Joe Caramagna. It plays upon MJ’s resumed career as an actress and a different turn for Mysterio (I need to go back and read some of his stuff with Kindred, because something seems off).

| Published by Marvel

Amazing Spider-Man #32 begins the next stage in Marvel’s seeming neverending onslaught of event after event with the prelude into the upcoming 2099 thing, including the Marvel debut of Patrick Gleason providing line art. The thing that gets you is that it’s good. Nick Spencer, Gleason, Matthew Wilson, and Joe Caramagna give us an interesting hook in a future and a present that have apparently gone wrong, but we’re really unsure what’s happened yet, just that a seemingly powerless Miguel, back in his original costume, needs to find Peter. It’s compelling.

| Published by Marvel

Amazing Spider-Man: Full Circle #1 is a rather fun and funny story that you really have to go into blind in terms of most content. It’s better to be surprised by the experience. It’s an all-star team of talent including Jonathan Hickman, Chris Bachalo, Gerry Duggan, Greg Smallwood, Nick Spencer, Mike Allred, Kelly Thompson, Valerio Schiti, Al Ewing, Chris Sprouse, Chip Zdarsky, Rachael Stott, Jason Aaron, Cameron Stewart, Mark Bagley, Tim Townsend, Al Vey, Karl Story, John Dell, Laura Allred, Mattia Iacono, Dave McCaig, Tríona Farrell, Nathan Fairbairn, Frank D’Armata, and Joe Caramagna playing a game of exquisite corpse, with each team coming up with a more outlandish cliffhanger for the next team to extricate Spider-Man from. It’s hilarious and incredibly well done.

| Published by Marvel

Angel #6 gives us another perspective on the “Hellmouth” crossover event, as a dejected Spike is tracked down by Fred and Gunn. I really like how Bryan Edward Hill, Gleb Melnikov, Roman Titov, and Ed Dukeshire are continuing the ongoing narrative of the series, while still dovetailing seamlessly into the event. It doesn’t miss a beat on either side of the equation, while still presenting an entertaining story in its own right regardless of whether you’ve read anything previously. All while introducing another player that’s already causing complications. Very nice layered storytelling here.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Aquaman Annual #2 seems to have been oddly scheduled, with a story taking place after the still ongoing “Amnesty” arc in the main series, but Kelly Sue DeConnick, Vita Ayala, Victor Ibáñez, Jay David Ramos, and Clayton Cowles still deliver an entertaining story that plays into the DOOM that’s been spread by the Legion of Doom and Perpetua. There’s an undercurrent of animosity, anger, and paranoia that seems to be fostered by the doom mark hanging in the sky, and this story nicely builds on it.

| Published by DC Comics

Ascender #6 begins the next arc, though it is much more a direct continuation from the story unfolding, with Andy captured and Mila on the run by boat. Jeff Lemire continues to inject humour into this story through the sheer ineptitude from the vampires. It’s a wonder that they can control anything.

| Published by Image

Avengers #25 is the finale to “Challenge of the Ghost Riders” from Jason Aaron, Stefano Caselli, Jason Keith, Erick Arciniega, and Cory Petit. It does a good job of building Robbie back up, while showing more of the cracks that we’re seeing in Johnny Blaze that were shored up in Ghost Rider. 

| Published by Marvel

Bad Reception #3 goes hard into more traditional themes around horror and, more specifically, slasher films and it’s absolutely wonderful. Juan Doe is giving us a very compelling mystery here, adding more layers as to why the killer is doing this and adding complications through the different characters. Great stuff.

| Published by AfterShock

Batgirl #40 escalates Oracle’s plans as she launches an offensive on Burnside in order to draw out Batgirl. The art this issue from Carmine Di Giandomenico and Jordie Bellaire gets taken to a completely new level. They layouts and colours are absolutely beautiful.

| Published by DC Comics

Batman/Superman #3 goes deeper into the Batman Who Laughs’ machinations for the Infected and what he’s trying to unleash on the DC Universe. Joshua Williamson, David Marquez, Alejandro Sanchez, and John J. Hill are very nicely executing this story, playing with the darker elements that have been bubbling since Metal, but presenting it in such a way that it’s not a dour, grim and gritty story. Also, though it doesn’t have the branding, this is still absolutely integral to the overall “Year of the Villain” event.

| Published by DC Comics

Black Adam: Year of the Villain #1 aims the infected Shazam at Khandaq at lets explosions ensue from Paul Jenkins, Inaki Miranda, Hi-Fi, and Tom Napolitano. This gives us an interesting look at leadership, humility, and responsibility, seemingly entrenching Black Adam again as a somewhat heroic figure.

| Published by DC Comics

Bloodborne #16 concludes “The Veil, Torn Asunder”, revelling in some of the madness that really grips the world. There’s a real unnerving sense of reality crumbling here, somewhat more horrific than what we’ve seen before. Great art from Piotr Kowalski and Brad Simpson.

| Published by Titan

Contagion #4 gets darker in this penultimate chapter from Ed Brisson, Damian Couceiro, Veronica Gandini, and Cory Petit. Things get even more grim as more and more of the heroes fall and we’re left with a rag tag band of street-level heroes and the z-list ring of magicians.

| Published by Marvel

Count Crowley: Reluctant Monster Hunter #1 is an entertaining debut from David Dastmalchian, Lukas Ketner, Lauren Affe, and Frank Cvetkovic. It revels beautifully in the low budget local network horror programming of the ‘70s and ‘80s, following an alcoholic reporter who gets fired for her behaviour, before taking the job as the host to a b-movie segment like Elvira. Great stuff here.

| Published by Dark Horse

Criminal #9 distances us a bit from Jane and that story in this chapter of “Cruel Summer”, instead giving us a look at what Leo is up to as his father plans a heist and Ricky’s recklessness. It’s a nice side track, giving us a different perspective again along with a seriously messed up robbery. Love the washes for the flashbacks from Jacob Phillips.

| Published by Image

Detective Comics #1014 brings Nora Fries back. And aside from just the extreme lengths that Victor has gone to in order to accomplish it, something about all of this feels very, very wrong and that some new horror is about to be unleashed on Gotham. Beautiful artwork from Doug Mahnke, Christian Alamy, Mark Irwin, and David Baron.

| Published by DC Comics

Dial H for HERO #8 gives us the origin stories for The Operator and Mister Thunderbolt from Sam Humphries, Paulina Ganucheau, Joe Quinones, Jordan Gibson, and Dave Sharpe. There’s a rather neat format for the storytelling here as we get parallel stories of The Operator and Mister Thunderbolt, told forwards for one and then backwards for the other.

| Published by DC Comics / Wonder Comics

Doctor Mirage #3 has some gorgeous and trippy art from Nick Robles and Jordie Bellaire. The oddity in the colours and the impressive layouts and double page spreads really adds to the overall feel and atmosphere of the story, immersing you into the surrealism and unsettling feel that even Doctor Mirage herself is feeling.

| Published by Valiant

The Flash #81 concludes “Death and the Speed Force” from Joshua Williamson, Scott Kolins, Luis Guerrero, and Steve Wands. There are some major ramifications here for the DC Universe as a whole and some interesting developments for Hunter Zolomon himself. Like last issue, it’s pretty fitting that this is being handled with Kolins’ art. Also, we see a bit of what might be happening because DOOM won.

| Published by DC Comics

Ghost Spider #3 keeps things interesting as we get a continued build for two different Miles Warren stories on both Earths-65 and -615, from Seanan McGuire, Takeshi Miyazawa, Rosi Kämpe, Ian Herring, and Clayton Cowles. There’s also a feeling that through school and superheroics across two realities, Gwen might be wearing herself out more than she already has been with a hungry costume, which is a compelling fact that might feed into to forthcoming stories.

| Published by Marvel

GI Joe #2 takes a bit of a step back from the explosions of the first issue, still following Tiger, but in a much more introspective and measured way as he keeps getting his ass handed to him by Scarlett. Paul Allor, Chris Evenhuis, Brittany Peer, and Neil Uyetake are giving this a very different feel from any previous GI Joe incarnation and it’s very interesting. Some neat twists and some very welcome humour.

| Published by IDW

Hellboy and the BPRD: Saturn Returns #3 concludes this excellent mini-series from Mike Mignola, Scott Allie, Christopher Mitten, Brennan Wagner, and Clem Robins. I quite like this new approach to the historical series, giving a broader view of the previous years. Also, the development of Liz and Hellboy is wonderful, just great character building.

| Published by Dark Horse

Immortal Hulk #25 is very strange. Very, very strange. The lead story is set in the future where the Hulk has become the Breaker of Worlds and everything is slated for destruction. A pair of former lovers are trying to stop him. From Al Ewing, Germán García, Chris O’Halloran, and Cory Petit. There’s a lot of your usual dystopian future stuff, plus sending something back to save the future, but there’s more to this. The set up plays into some of the Kabbalistic themes and ideas that Al Ewing has been using through this series and we get an interesting interpretation of Binah and Chokhmah here. Though it might be more appropriate to consider them as their Qliphoth. Granted, you don’t need to get into any of this to enjoy the comic. Especially since it will appear much more straightforward in the present as the usual team of Ewing, Joe Bennett, Ruy José, Paul Mounts, and Petit reintroduce a familiar evil face.

| Published by Marvel

Josie and the Pussycats in Space #1 is a digital original from Alex de Campi, Devaki Neogi, Lee Loughridge, and Jack Morelli. It’s a pretty damn good reimagining of the characters, putting them on an intergalactic USO tour, and then eventually cranking up the weird and the horror.

| Published by Archie Comics

Justice League Dark #16 is incredible. “The Witching War” continues in this story from James Tynion IV, Alvaro Martínez Bueno, Fernando Blanco, Raul Fernandez, Brad Anderson, and Rob Leigh as Wonder Woman confronts Circe and everything gets doomed. The stakes here feel real, especially as the team continues to fall apart.

| Published by DC Comics

King Thor #2 is as epic as the first issue with Jason Aaron, Esad Ribić, Ive Svorcina, and Joe Sabino seriously bringing the thunder here. The artwork is drop dead gorgeous and the magnitude of the confrontation between Thor, Loki, and Gorr is massive.

| Published by Marvel

Marauders #1 gives us our first look at an X-book in “Dawn of X” without Jonathan Hickman at the helm. It’s really good. Gerry Duggan, Matteo Lolli, Federico Blee, and Cory Petit give us a somewhat more lighthearted approach to some of the concepts, featuring a Kate Pryde who for some reason can’t go through the Krakoan gates, so is recruited by Emma to helm a vessel for the Hellfire Trading Company. It then sets up the more serious element of rescuing mutants who wish to accept Xavier’s offer, but are stuck in hostile regimes. Very nice humour here.

| Published by Marvel

Martian Manhunter #9 rounds the corner for the homestretch, with Steve Orlando, Riley Rossmo, Ivan Plascencia, and Deron Bennett plumbing the depths of one of Charnn’s victims and discovering a bit of a plan for what’s to come. The artwork from Rossmo and Plascencia remains some of the most inventive currently on the stands.

| Published by DC Comics

Middlewest #12 puts together the pieces of where Abel and Bobby have been taken and gives us an introductory glance at the horrible place that they’re being forced to work. Skottie Young, Jorge Corona, Jean-Francois Beaulieu, and Nate Piekos continue to work magic on this story.

| Published by Image

Money Shot #1 is definitely unique. Tim Seeley, Sarah Beattie, Rebekah Isaacs, Kurt Michael Russell, and Crank! give us a story of a group of scientists who turn to making alien porn in order to fund their science projects. There’s humour and a lot of oddity here. Also, alien sex.

| Published by Vault

Punisher Kill Krew #4 sees the Black Knight enlisted to the team as they continue to navigate the Ten Realms to get vengeance for the orphaned war children. The art from Juan Ferreyra is absolutely gorgeous.

| Published by Marvel

Resonant #4 dives into the two new regions of Honcho’s island and the Congregation. It’s interesting to see how other areas are dealing with the waves, even in horrifying ways. The art from Alejandro Aragon and Jason Wordie is incredible.

| Published by Vault

Second Coming #4 sees Sunstar enlist help to find Jesus, while Jesus laments Christians with his new friend Larry in jail, from Mark Russell, Richard Pace, Leonard Kirk, Andy Troy, and Rob Steen. Some very interesting ideas presented here about how a religion can get away from apparent foundational messages. This issue is rounded out by the usual text pieces and short stories.

| Published by Ahoy

Sera and the Royal Stars #4 has us still in the underworld, from Jon Tsuei, Audrey Mok, Raul Angulo, and Jim Campbell. It’s very interesting to see the zodiacals interacting with variations on various deities. Also, Mok and Angulo remind us that they’re an incredible art team. The visual shifts throughout this issue are beautiful.

| Published by Vault

Star Wars Adventures: Return to Vader’s Castle #4 gives us a central tale featuring Jabba the Hutt’s extended family and a bunch of disembodied brains, as illustrated by Nicoletta Baldari. We’re also getting to the end of the framing tale from Cavan Scott, Francesco Francavilla, and AndWorld Design and this issue gives us an interesting cliffhanger to take us home.

| Published by IDW

Strikeforce #2 maintains the high level of storytelling from the first issue, continuing to keep us on our toes about this oddball group, and deepens the threat of the Vridai as the team heads to Satana in Vegas. Tini Howard, Germán Peralta, Miroslav Mrva, and Joe Sabino have hit on a winning combination here and it just keeps getting better.

| Published by Marvel

Unbound #1 is kind of a cyberpunk/fantasy series with this first issue focusing on Lukas, a famous hunter who takes on a helper for his current hunt, from Ralph Tedesco, Oliver Borges, Leonardo Paciarotti, and Carlos M. Mangual. There’s some nice world-building here, but the real hook comes later in the story that’s really compelling. I won’t spoil it, but it definitely takes it above what you’d expect.

| Published by Zenescope

Valkyrie #4 unveils a lot more of the context of what happened in the first three issues in a rather interesting way, while bringing back a trio of really old Dr. Strange villains. One of whom will be familiar to moviegoers. Al Ewing, Jason Aaron, CAFU, Jesus Aburtov, and Joe Sabino are telling a very interesting story here with some great twists and gorgeous art.

| Published by Marvel

Wonder Woman #81 concludes “Loveless” and with it G. Willow Wilson’s run on the title, here with Tom Derenick, Trevor Scott, Scott Hanna, Romulo Fajardo Jr., and Pat Brosseau. It’s not bad, progressing with a few changes and setting up Steve Orlando’s incoming arc.

| Published by DC Comics

You Are Obsolete #2 gets creepier, playing up even more of the Midwich Cuckoos vibes and revealing that the kids are actively spying on people, with the implication that they’d use more salacious details to their benefit as potential blackmail. We’re still not entirely sure why anything is going on, but the series is definitely setting up a creepy atmosphere.

| Published by AfterShock

Other Highlights: Absolute Carnage: Lethal Protectors #3, Agents of Atlas #3, Archie vs. Predator 2 #3, Black Canary: Ignite, Books of Magic #13, Fearless #4, Freedom Fighters #10, Future Fight Firsts: Luna Snow #1, Immortal Hulk: Director’s Cut #6, Journey to Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - Allegiance #3, Kaijumax - Season 5 #1, Lumberjanes #67, Marvel Action: Spider-Man #10, Rat Queens #19, Red Sonja & Vampirella meet Betty & Veronica #6, RWBY #5, Sharkey: The Bounty Hunter #6, Spider-Man: Velocity #3, Star Wars #73, Tony Stark: Iron Man #17

Recommended Collections: Amazing Spider-Man - Volume 5: Behind Scenes, American Carnage, Ascender - Volume 1, Evolution - Volume 3, GI Joe: A Real American Hero - Volume 23, Harrow County: Library Edition - Volume 4, Hex Wives, Infinity 8 - Volume 5: Apocalypse Day, Invisible Kingdom - Volume 1, The Long Con - Volume 2, Naomi: Season One, Spider-Man: Life Story, Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge, Teen Titans - Volume 2: Turn It Up, Wonder Woman - Volume 1: The Just War

d. emerson eddy is not a pineapple.

[eternityofmeaningfulthings]

Edibles. 0/10 recommend.

So I had edibles for the first time last night. Honestly, I didn't think it would affect me. I wasn't bothered by smoking the very few times I tried so I was like what the heck? what could it do? So I had a small bit of this god damn cookie that Bridget had. It's a long story. BUT this isn't about the leading up to, this is the fact that it happened and what it was like.

I don't want to forget this experience, it was absolutely life changing; and absolutely frightening in every way possible.

The first half hour it was nothing. I thought, "yeah, just as I thought, it won't effect me." So we (Andie, Jaret, and I) ended up going to Wendy's, (and thank God, now that I think of it, like if we would've went all the way to some place downtown and then had to get taken back from there, nah.) But yeah I was fine the whole time and once we got there I was like "I think I'm feeling it", cause I felt slightly laugh-y and my head was tingly (this was as far as smoking ever took me.) The kind of "high" that I could have written off as just in my head. Now, it is important to note that I am an extremely 'in tune with my body' type of person. I literally feel outside of what my body experiences sometimes. It is almost like I am an observer of what my body is going through (no, I am not high right now.) I am also a very logical and skeptical person. I try to explain things away and understand psychology. I do not have a degree, but I do know a fair amount about psychology to atleast know certain brain cues or that people can actually give themselves a placebo effect, which I was at this point thinking that it may have been. I thought that's all it would be, I did not think I was capable of feeling anything beyond my control. (ha..ha..ha.) So luckily I didn't get a lot of food, I just had a medium fry and a drink. It wasn't until after the meal I started feeling "off". I can't quite explain that exact moment. It was probably similar to when you have severe anxiety about a specific thing and then start overthinking it and it's all just in your head. So I began thinking, at first, that the reason I was feeling this way was simply because I was overthinking it. But then it just kept hitting my harder and harder every second and it was all so very sudden. Everytime I looked around it was like I was so dizzy but everytime I stayed still it almost made me zone out. Yes, I was laughing more than usual, but I think the reason for this and also the reason for high people to say "weird stuff," isn't because it literally MAKES them weird, it just cuts out the middle ground FILTER, that makes us "normal". I wasn't saying anything that I didn't CHOOSE to say, but rather everything that came to my mind kind of just came out, and there was no question of whether or not something was funny. It's almost like I was completely focused yet completely out of it AT THE SAME TIME. I want so hard to explain the feeling in the best way possible for the sake of science. To me, this wasn't fun, it was an experiment that I don't regret but want to use it for good somehow. At that point I was afraid to move. The only thing that made me feel like things might be okay was me clasping onto my chair way too hard and staying put. I called my husband Chris because he was the only person I wanted to see, he makes me feel safe and I didn't want anything to happen to me without him around. I also didn't want to be taken home and just suprise him like that. So I called him and asked him to pick me up, and he was like "can you not get a ride?" I'm like "can you get me?" He's like "yeah." "I can get a ride." "Are you sure?" "No can you pick me up now..? ... Actually we can leave now." "I'm just gonna get you." "Okay yeah can you?"

A few minutes later I call him back because it seems like it's been awhile and he said he was parked at the KFC next door and I was like "can you come in?" Like I thought for sure he would have to pick me up and carry me out. But, it was okay. We sat there for awhile, Andie explained to him what happened and I tried explaining how I felt. It was so strange because everyone kept doing the thing where they would look at each other and laugh like "haha she's so high." But I KNEW what I was saying and although I was watching myself act weird, I couldn't control it. I tried so hard to grasp it and take control over it, but it was so powerful that I couldn't overpower it. 

Through this whole thing, I was AWARE of what was happening to me. I felt separate from it, which made it even scarier. There was a time I was talking and closed my eyes for a second and it was like I was in a tunnel and everything was reverberating every second felt like minutes and every minute felt like an hour. Every little thing I said seemed fake and like I was in a movie, watching someone say a line from the movie and then having remembered that line and having it replay in my mind until the next line.  Eventually Jaret and Andie left and me and Chris walked out, slowly, but I did it.

I was afraid to be in the car because I figured moving would make it worse. My biggest fear in life in general is throwing up. So the whole time I was just so afraid that that would happen. But luckily it didn't. What's strange about all this too is that I fully remember everything about that night. I thought I would forget everything, like I wasn't in my right mind, but I WAS in my right mind, my body and, yes, my brain, wasn't cooperating fully. When we got to the apartment and sat there in the car for a second I remember looking at the radio and watching the seconds of the song counting and thinking to myself, "this is it." I said to Chris, "I think I'm actually dying. I think I'm going now, this is it. I'm actually fading away." Because as scary as it sounds, IT DID FEEL LIKE THAT. And then I started saying "am I already dead? Maybe I died in a car accident and this is all just punishment. Maybe this is what being a spirit is like. Maybe that's why they have such a hard time communicating with spirits in Ghost Adventures because they're so out of touch with the world and they can barely grasp reality." I know it all sounded like I was high, but I would say the same thing now that I am sober. That IS what I wonder, not that I was actually dead, but that maybe that is kind of what it is like to be a spirit (and damn if it is...) I finally got inside, and the weird part is it wasn't that difficult to like move and pee and do things, because it was as if I knew how to do it, I knew what was going on, but then a second later just felt like it faded away and I forgot but then I was reminded every time a new second came. It was like the process of severely forgetting and then remembering that you forgot within every minute. And every thing that happened felt like a memory. For example at one point I was in the bathroom and Chris walked passed the hall and asked if I wanted pizza. Then by the time I got back in the bedroom it felt as if that was a memory from years ago. Laying down was nice but yet so scary. Like I wanted to fall asleep but I also wanted to be aware of what was going on, I also was kind of scared that I wouldn't wake up. I know no one has ever died from marijuana but I began wondering if there was something in those cookies that I wasn't even aware of. I also, though was not actually dying, felt like I was dying. It was what I imagined to be what dying felt like. Just fading in and out until you finally pass. The closest experience that I can compare it to is when you're really tired and you're laying down but still having a conversation and you're like half there but also kind of half dreaming, and you try to keep yourself up and every time you wake up again it's kinda surreal because you know what's going on but you're also kinda in dreamland. And then you say stuff, in response to the person you're talking to and sometimes you don't know if you even made sense or if you said something weird from your dream. That's the closest for sure, but it was like constantly waking, remembering, then forgetting and being out of it just over and over and over and over... I repeated so many times, "if Hell exists, this is it." I kept telling Chris to write stuff down because I didn't want to forget how bad it was. I do think that would be living hell. It was like being trapped in your body and mind. I now kind of wonder, and I wouldn't know, but if that may be what some people with dementia or other mental struggles feels like. It makes me want to be kinder to those who seem "out of it" because maybe in their soul and whatever part of them is "witnessing" they are completely there, they just physically can not come out. And that is terribly sad and hellish. I was so afraid I would wake up and it wouldn't go away. I experience disassociation in regular life, day to day, but this made my disassociation seem like FULL AWARENESS. It was like my worse disassociation moment times 10,000. I kept saying to Chris, "if I had to live like this, I would kill myself." And honestly, I seriously would. When I first got in bed, I opened voice recorder on my phone and I'm going to listen to it now and transcribe what I said. The interesting part, listening back to it, I sound completely there and with it, but in the moment it sounded and felt nothing like that. "So now that I'm recording I already forgot the fact that I said I was gonna do a voice memo before. But yet I remember at the same time. Every second that goes by I forget and remember within the same second. I remember that I already said that, but my brain doesn't remember that it forgot. I don't even know how to process my words. Like, I'm hearing myself say it, but the more I talk, the more out of it I feel. It's almost like thought to speech is not filtered at all. And that's why it's so stressful." *looks at Chris* "It probably would be so weird if you fucked me right now. Don't. Nothing feels real at all. I don't remember that I'm doing this -- I know I said this a lot but if I had to live like this I would kill myself. And just to think that people do this and bring this upon themselves- like- I don't think that anyone that hasn't experienced it will ever understand how it feels and like I know that even future me hopefully someday, out of this state, will remember how it feels and never ever ever do it again. I don't even- it's so hard to explain. It's like being in a tunnel, knowing- like I'm conscious enough as a person to know that you're (Chris)experiencing this and you're just living regular life. I just forget what I was trying to say. It's almost like everything that happens I already forget it. This is so fucking weird. I don't know. I'm gonna try to lay down because if I have to be conscious of this any longer- then again I'm afraid to fall asleep because I'm afraid I won't wake up. I feel like this might be what it's like to be dying. Even if I'm not actually dying, it's like, 'hey do you want to feel like you're literally DYING? Eat this shit.' Cause it feels like you're reaching the end, like you can feel your brain going, but your body is struggling to stay alive. It's like my whole body is in shock and doesn't know what's going on. I don't even know what's happening- like at all."

And that's where it ended and where I layed down, got into Chris' arms and started crying because I was so scared. My mouth was also INSANELY dry. I kept turning over to get water and everytime I did that it was so weird. I at one point texted one of my friends who was with me that day and said, "Katie, if hell exists, this is it by far. Like what I feel right now... it's so fucked." "I don't even remember typing all this but yet I like remember I wanted to but I forget I'm doing it." "If I was like this forevver I would legit kill my own shit." I ended up falling asleep and when I woke up at 8 am to pee and realized I felt okay, it was so amazing. The take away from all of that was to for sure never ever do it again. I have been told by many people that it's just because it was my "first time", but I never want to even come close to feeling anything like that ever again. I always told myself that I didn't drink or do drugs because I wanted to remain sober minded and fully conscious, now that is confirmed. I am not the kind of person that wants to escape her mind. I want to be WITH IT, because "it" is all that I have and all that I am. I strongly believe that a world full of people on whatever strain or kind of weed that was is terrifying and I fear for their lives. Firstly, I literally would have killed someone if I would've drove, and if I wasn't stronger of a person, I may have hurt myself. It's very dangerous, not worth it, and I strongly would not recommend. I can not believe people CHOOSE to do that to themselves, and then call it "lit." If there's anything good that came from this, it's that I learned that I truly am a grounded person. I've always felt like the Earth Element resonated with me, and now I feel it even stronger. I feel that through all of that, I was able to remain conscious and aware of what was happening to me, all the while retaining all memory the next day.

[firewritten]

10 More Questions!

I was tagged by @summerkiska to do another 10 questions. And such awesome questions they are! Thank you for the tag, and I hope it helps with the getting to know each other. :)

My 10 Questions

1. What’s a line in your current WIP that you’re proud of (or just like a lot)?

Oh. I was going to post a whole passage but then I realized that “like a lot” meant liking that one line a lot, not a lot of lines that you’re proud of. ;)

Okay, well, let’s go with this line from a recent Emo Pistols chapter. 

But there is no one around to answer your questions, and the musty old store with the piles of junk under dim lighting and the wizened shopkeeper with the creepy laugh has been replaced by a shiny new coffee house with skinny and damp baristas who set your tall mocha frappuccino on fire as they serve it to you, saying, “This is for your bad taste in glasses!”, and you walk home with a heavy heart, knowing that you have to use the flaming coffee to dispose of your loved ones, who leer at you as you enter the front yard, saliva dripping from their lolling tongues as the smell of your brain reaches their nostrils.

2. What’s a question that you wish people would ask you about your writing? (And what’s the answer??)

Hmmm. Once someone told me "I know you like Sims stories but you have the talent for original fiction", which my reaction was something like, "Oh, my Sims story about a narrator with no gender or name traveling around various universes with its friend the darkness, a conscious bit of the void who can wear anything as a skin, isn't original enough for you?"

So, maybe the question would be "Why do you write Sims stories?"

And my answer would be because they're extremely fun and addictive and I love improvising with the game and I love taking the screenshots and editing them and putting the pictures and the words all together to tell the story. I love seeing what I can come up with based on the game and all its absurdities. It makes me really really happy.

And also over the years people in the Sims community have sometimes come out of the woodwork to tell me what my work means to them, from helping them get through their mother dying from cancer to helping them deal with their own feelings of isolation and anxiety, and that their life is better because my Sims stories exist.

3. What’s your favorite part of the writing process? 

I guess actually writing? There’s not much else to the process really for me. I don’t usually plan or do outlines or anything. I just start typing, and I see what happens.

I’ve noticed that outlines and plans are big around here, and I think that’s cool because I like it when people’s brains work differently from mine and I get to learn about things that I haven’t experienced and read things that my brain would not have come up with. But the most outlining I’ve ever done is a few lines of “hey, this could happen maybe” before starting a new chapter, and I haven’t done that since...2011?

I just kind of....feel the story out? I reread what I’ve already written constantly, and I feel what the story wants. I don’t know how to say it, really. A lot of writing is subconscious for me. I start typing, and I get in the zone, and it’s like everything is green and golden and beautiful and the story is flowing through my fingers and I’m one with the universe and on the good days it can be like seeing the face of God.

4. What song best fits the theme of your WIP main character? (And why?)

Seth has hundreds of songs across dozens of playlists, but two stick out. Old school Seth’s main song was Possum Kingdom, by the Toadies. Emo Pistols Seth is the healthiest and least murderous version of him I’ve written, so Arsonist’s Lullabye by Hozier is more his speed. 

Possum Kingdom fits perfectly with his role in his first story, In the Valley of the Sun, where he was the villain and he was intent on killing the main character and then bringing her back to life with ambrosia and keeping her with him forever. :)

In Emo Pistols he’s the main character, and he’s writing letters to two penpals. He is actually trying to work on his issues and figure things out. He’s had a lot of trauma around fire in his life. You can read about him as a teenager here - Eggshells. His father was blamed for a fire at the factory where he worked. 10 people died in it. His father survived, but he was severely injured and his mental health never recovered. The kids he went to school with did not let him forget that.

In Emo Pistols he’s an adult and married. He became an alchemist, and he was working on experiments in his lab when a fire broke out. He almost died of smoke inhalation, and the trauma reawakened the scars from his childhood. Same backstory as Valley. Just at this point in Valley, he went to the dark and became the villain. In Emo Pistols, he’s trying to, well, keep his demons on a leash. ;)

Okay, I am verbose and this is getting long, so I'll put a cut.

5. What habits or rituals do you have for writing sessions?

I have to take a shower and eat first, because I need clean hair and calories to write, and then I always have a playlist relevant to the story I’m working on going.

6. What’s one piece of advice you wish you were given when you first started your writing journey?

I don’t know what advice six year old me would have understood. But I guess...I grew up with people who loved my writing. My teachers and the other kids at school always praised my work, like to the extent of giving me a standing ovation in 8th grade when I read my essay on beauty out loud. So the first time I got hate online it was a totally new experience, and it knocked me sideways. 

I don’t know that I would have wanted someone to tell me this though. I had to learn it the hard way, but that means that I’ve really learned it and that I’ve taken it to heart and that I’ve struggled to come to terms with it and that I can empathize with other people in that situation. But the advice I would give a young writer who came to me now upset about people hating their work is this:

Our view of reality is curved around our ego. Our experiences and prejudices and problems are the lens through which we see the world. Other people bring their own stuff to your work. You can listen to them and see if what they say has any merit, but remember that they may not be seeing your work at all. They may only be seeing themselves reflected back at them. What they say has no bearing on the value of your work, which is of infinite worth just like everything else in creation. 

Also, after seeing a movie or watching a TV show that you like, go and look at what other people say about it. You’ll see that some people seem to have watched something entirely different than you did. The work is the same, but we all see different things when we look at it. It’s up to you whose view of your work you let in.

7. Who was your first book character crush? (Or if you can’t remember, who’s your favorite book character crush?)

Sherlock Holmes. My sixth grade literature textbook had a play version of The Dying Detective, and I immediately fell in love. We didn’t have the internet then so I didn’t write it and publish it online, thank goodness, but I had self-insert fanfic daydreams of going back in time and chilling with Holmes and Watson all the time.

8. What’s one of your writing pet peeves?

The arguments in the writing community. I don’t know, I guess it’s because I grew up in Appalachia and went to rural working class schools and didn’t get socialized into mainstream American middle class culture or something, but seriously, guys. All the genres can be special. All kinds of books can have worth. You don’t have to insult other styles and writers and books. You don’t have to show off whatever it is you think you’re showing off with “literary” stuff and you don’t have to show off your “common man” cred with yelling about how much you hate classics and literary fiction. Just chill. Let other people read and write what they want. It’s not that important.

9. Who’s your favorite character in fiction that you loved to hate?

This is hard. I don’t like hating. I like liking people and things. But I guess if there is one that gets mentioned around here fairly often in conversations with the spousal person, it’s book five Harry. And even that’s not hate. Dude had a reason to be annoying and emo and whiny, and really all it needed was an editor to slim it down some.

Kylo Ren is annoying, but that’s not hate either. He’s too pathetic for hate.

Going back to Harry Potter, Umbridge, maybe? She’s a good representation of everything I dislike in humans, and a much better villain than Voldemort.

10. What are you currently trying to work on when it comes to growing as a writer? (And how’s it going??)

Hmmm. This is a good question, because actually I don’t know.

I was reading something online and for some reason there was a line break in the word sunlight, so s was the end of one line and unlight was the beginning of the next. I looked at “unlight” for a while, and now I’m all about words that make the spellchecker yell at me. Like in Emo Pistols Seth talks a lot about the sun wanting to eat him, so there’s teethlight and sunbelly. Toomuch and notenough. Me and notme. Starteeth halos. A chapter of Surreal Darkness is titled The Unswallowing Place. I want to stretch the language and make it do tricks. 

I think it’s going okay. I’ve been writing for a long time, and at this point a lot of it is muscle memory. Like I talk about how much I love taking hours to find the right word, but really it doesn’t take that long anymore. I guess now instead of finding the right word, it’s more like “How can I combine words in new ways and make them do new things? How can I take cardboard and caramel and doors and the sun and make them explain what it means to Seth to be human? What can I do with the edges of the Sims 4 worlds and making my characters walk in the flat places with painted-on mountains and trees, and what can I make that say about reality and skins and being and friendship?”

Hmmm. That probably sounds terribly pretentious if you don’t know me yet, lol. I like to think that it’s not, though. I guess you can read it and see how it looks through your experiences. :)

Okay, now I have to do the 10 questions thing. I'll tag @etherayy, @lazyfox411, @fuckenwhatever, and @somethingwriterly. If you don't wanna do it that's perfectly fine.

1. When did you first become interested in writing?

2. How did the idea for your current WiP come to you?

3. What other authors/life events/etc. influences your writing?

4. What are your hopes for your work? 

5. What would you want the book cover for your current WiP to look like? (If it's not a book, then any kind of illustration pertaining to it.)

6. Have you noticed any repeating themes or imagery in your work? If so, what are they?

7. What are your writing strengths?

8. What have you learned about yourself through your work?

9. How would you define art?

10. What's your favorite word?

[themastercylinder]

Clark was born in New Orleans in 1939.

“We moved to Birmingham, Alabama, we were lower middle class, but we actually had a maid.  I used to go with the maid on weekends to what would have been called ” Colored Town” to play with the kids there, I loved them. When I moved to Fort Lauderdale in the 1950s, it was a restricted community, and I went to a segregated high school. There were ” No Jews Allowed” signs on the beach still, and I didn’t understand this, it shocked me. I lived on the west side of town, which was near ” Colored Town” then, as well as the Florida Braves baseball stadium. I was quite a savage little being, we were very poor, my father died, my mother was a barmaid, so I pretty much ran the streets. I used to climb up on the top of the fences of the baseball stadium, and run along, and the guards would chase me. The black kids called me ” Cheetah,” and they would meet me later, and say ” Hey, you’re Cheetah!”. I used to go to the theaters down on Las Olas Boulevard. I did like horror movies, but I liked all movies.

I had no intention as a youth of perusing a movie career, but I always wanted to be writer from the earliest time I could remember. It wasn’t until I got into college that I started to think about films seriously. I was a film buff, but not an addict if you know what I mean…I wasn’t crazy about films but I liked ’em. So I’d say it was probably at college, at the University of Miami where I started thinking about making films. It’s a long, long story but I got into films when I was an actor in the local Miami film industry of the mid sixties.

    Las Olas Boulevard, Fort Lauderdale 1950’s

After college in 1964, Bob was directing a stage production of Arthur Miller’s “A View From a Bridge” in Miami when was approached by Charlie Brunn.  Charlie was a cross-dresser, his wife was a very butch lady and they had three kids, it was a strange situation. He owned Lee High Acres, a manufactured community in the Everglades, and was bent on being a movie producer. “He came up to me and said “I’m doing a movie on Miami Beach and you’re going to direct it. At that point I knew nothing about film cutting, continuity, nothing. These people promised that they would teach me. When I got on the set they knew less than I did.”

The odd circumstances continued when he found out that this zero money production was to be called THE SHE MAN and starred a transvestite.

“The ‘She Man’ script idea was about a Korean war veteran who was a deserter and the way he hid out was to disguise himself as a woman. It wasn’t a comedy either, it tried to be a serious spy thriller.” Local townspeople were recruited as actors and filming commenced in the hydroponic greenhouse and funeral parlor of Lee High Acres, which served as soundstages. “It was a remarkably surreal experience, and the results, as you might expect under the circumstance, were incomprehensible. John Carradine was in it and Lila Lee, the silent film star, and it was an education. My editors name was Hack… get it? He was a local editor out of Fort Meyers. Nobody knew anything about filmmaking. My cinematographer was an ex-newsreel cameraman, nice guy. Nobody knew anything.

Next came The Emperor’s New Clothes.

CLARK: That one I’m willing to mention! I think it’s lost, but it wasn’t too bad. I got to work with John Carradine, Lila Lee and a great singing group. After I did She-Man, I asked Charlie, “Can I do this one?” I did ’em back-to-back.

What was Carradine like?

CLARK: John was a nice man. He was a severe alcoholic, fought the problem all his life, but he was there to work; he was a pro. When I did my first movie, I told Charlie, “I don’t know anything about movies.” And he said, “Oh, we got that covered with your cameraman and editor.” The cameraman [Gerhard Maser] was a WWII Nazi field cameraman and had never shot a feature. So I did She-Man with the famous book The Five C’s of Cinematography in my hand, figuring how to do continuity, etc. But by the time we did Emperor, I was kind of halfway there to understanding the difference between a movie and a play.

Another film was made back to back with THE SHE MAN called THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES, an original comedy script by Bob based on the Hans Christian Andersen tale, set in modern times. Starring John Carradine in the title spot, and featuring 60s pop group Spanky & Our Gang (“Lazy Day”) as “roving musical troubadours,” it seems quite a promising step up but seemingly does not exist for us to judge. “The soundtrack got lost when we ran into problems with the backers. I don’t think the film does exist.” This back to back baptism by fire set the spark though, and theatrical aspirations were abandoned.

“For the next five years, I decided that film was what I wanted to do with my life. So I did any job in the industry imaginable.” Florida was one of the most active hubs of low budget filmmaking around, making a steady stream of horror/rock n’ roll/biker/mondo drive-in fare and Bob worked steadily on more films than he can remember including some K. Gordon Murray films, including a stint as assistant director on Murray’s SHANTY TRAMP, the exploitation interracial romance drama that was “quite the shocker” at its time of release.

So I figured at that point what I would do was become an AD. That’s a nice position to be in to learn how everything works… it was interesting. But it was another four years when I started thinking with my friend Alan Ormsby that the next thing we were gonna do was a horror film first. That was just short of pornography to get a break in.

So, my first movie was Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things. My brothers and the Gotch family put up $40,000, and we made the movie. Ted V. Mikels agreed to distribute it in the States, but somehow it got to Canada and to Peter James, John Trent and David Perlmutter at Quadrant. They bought the film and distributed it, and it did very well in Canada.

CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS

SUMMARY

The story focuses on a theatre troupe, led by Alan (Alan Ormsby). He is a mean-spirited director, who travels with the others by boat to a small island that is mainly used as a cemetery for deranged criminals, to have a night of fun and games. Once on the island Alan tells his group, which he refers to as his “children”— numerous stories relating to the island’s history and buried inhabitants. he leads them to a cottage where they are supposed to spend the night. He then opens a chest they had brought with them, puts on a mystical robe and says that they are to prepare for the summation at midnight. Alan takes sheer delight in torturing his cast with threats of firing them if they do not do as he pleases which always makes them go along with his plan. At midnight using a grimoire, Alan begins a séance to raise the dead after digging up the body of a man named Orville Dunworth (Seth Sklarey). Though the original intent of the ritual may have been solely as a joke, Alan appears disappointed that nothing happens.

Afterwards the party continues and Alan goes to extremes to degrade the actors, using the corpse of Orville for his own sick jokes. Then, however, animated by the fell ritual, the dead return to life and force the troupe to take refuge in the old house. Unfortunately for the group, the dead get their revenge, and in the movie’s closing credits we see the group of corpses boarding Alan’s boat with the lights of Miami in the background.

“I learned the whole business waiting until I could make the first film I had any control of, which was CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS.”

Shot in 35mm for $50,000 in 5 days and 11 nights at the Miami Dade County Nursery in 1970, CHILDREN, besides having one of the coolest titles for a horror movie, is one of the most enjoyable of the no-budget early 70s horror fare released in the wake of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD’s success. Co-screenwriter/ makeup artist Alan Ormsby does triple duty in the starring role (in an amazing pair of vertically striped bell-bottom pants) as a overbearing, patronizing theater director taking his troupe out to an island graveyard for some black magic “games,” including attempts to revive the dead. While the horror PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS comedy mix is stagy at times, the script is obviously not by the usual cheapo movie bozos and the theater people archetypes (the joking fat guy, the emotional wreck, the flamers, the cynic, the stud, etc.) are fresh.

David Trimble and Forrest Carpenter designed and built the graveyard set.

CHILDREN was very much a homegrown project. The cast is made up largely of friends and students of my brother who was a professor at the University of Miami. The zombies are made up from doctors, lawyers and dentists from the area. We had the most elite group of cannibals of any film, I think. We were obviously inspired by NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD but we thought our comic approach was unique. The performances are a little amateurish but it holds up. In retrospect I think I learned more on that movie than I would off on three conventional movies.”

Informality led cast members in CHILDREN to refer to each other by their real names in the film. Contrary to what you might have read, Ted V. Mikels had nothing to do with the film’s making, but eventually did wind up distributing it through his Geneni company, and possibly receiving parts of the film’s generous box office that Clark and Ormsby did not. At the time Bob was in the Screen Actors Guild as Benjamin Clark to avoid confusion with another actor with his name, and kept the pseudonym for his director credit.

    When did you meet Alan Ormsby?

CLARK: At the University of Miami. We were at the Rink Theater together. Both of us had an interest in writing and film, and the same sort of bizarre sense of humor. He eventually became the star of Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things. He also did all the make-up effects.

How did that film come about?

CLARK: It was done with private money, about $50,000, near Coral Gables, Florida. Again, it was done entirely with amateur actors. All those people crawling out of the ground at the end were college professors, wives and city councilmen.

Valerie Mamches getting ready for a scene (also pictured assistant cameraman John MacGowan)

The combination of slapstick humor and graphic violence was an odd mix.

CLARK: I felt it was original. But, let’s face it, it took a lot of inspiration from Night Of The Living Dead. I saw it for the first time a couple of years ago. Now I think some of the humor is a little heavy-handed, but the whole film holds up really well.

Did the low budget present any problems?

CLARK: We’d shoot all night and spend the day guarding the set from kids who’d get in and vandalize it. The film was shot over 11 nights. It would rain all day until 6 pm, when we’d start shooting. And it would start raining again at 6 am, when we’d stop. The film was touched by fate.

With the bad luck you’d had on the first two films, did you think this film would make any money?

CLARK: We were very naive. We figured we would make a lot of money–we didn’t, of course. But somebody got rich on it. It’s done quite well on cable and it’s had a good video life.

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To what extent would you say that Children was influenced by Night of the Living Dead?

CLARK: I had seen Night of the Living Dead and admired it immensely, and indeed we based Children on it. We didn’t want to copy it, though. We saw Children as a satirical version of Night of the Living Dead. We wanted to have fun with the idea of it.

It certainly has a different look than George A. Romero’s film.

CLARK: We purposely tried to bring a look that was a bit different than Night of the Living Dead. Alan Ormsby would come to the set a few hours early to do the makeup effects, even though neither he nor or his assistant had any schooling about makeup other than teaching themselves. After Alan finished with makeup on the other actors he would come to the set and get ready to act in the film.

Interview with Alan Ormsby  Exploited VHS (1999)

It had a much lower budget than Night’s $714,000 price tag, correct?

CLARK: We had so little money to make it. The truly independent film has the incredible problem of shortness of cash. When we started, it was nearly impossible to make an independent film. Nowadays it’s much easier; this is proven when you see how many independent films get slid into the realm of the major studios. We had $60,000 and we stole and cheated everything we could in gear and equipment. We only had eleven nights to shoot the whole film in Coral Gables, Florida, and it was not a short film.

How did you pull it off?

CLARK: I planned out every aspect of the film in great detail. I didn’t do storyboards, but I had [index cards of every part of the film, as well as schematics. If we were supposed to do seventeen shots in one day, we did seventeen shots.

You must’ve had a very dedicated crew.

CLARK: I am a great believer in the co-operative nature of film art. I believe it is a very wise and important thing to work with and listen to your crew and to hear their ideas. From the lighting people to the actors, I always take note of good suggestions.

It must have been a challenge shooting on location at night.

CLARK: Yeah, it was, but we were disciplined, we were determined. It was an adventure, to say the least. The night was a break in a way, because at least we were out. The gardens were a little bit isolated, so we didn’t have sound problems. But everybody was so committed. Those ghouls you see running around included an assistant dean of the University of Miami, a couple of professors, a very famous Miami Beach doctor…there are some pretty elegant people among the ghouls! They all wanted to have fun. And Ormsby did too; here he was, the lead actor, who did all that makeup. It’s not the best makeup ever in the history of ghoul movies, but pretty damn good considering that he had to do it all, every extra, everybody.

How did Children launch your career making features in Canada?

CLARK: When the film was first finished, horror schlockmeister Ted V. Mikels [director of Astro Zombies, The Corpse Grinders and The Doll Squad was just starting a small distribution company in the United States. They didn’t put much money behind the film when it came out and it didn’t do too well. Later, the film was bought by Quadrant Films in Canada and they put some substantial money behind the marketing and promotion of the piece, and the film was a moderate to large success in Canada and that’s where everything started. Quadrant later gave me money to finance my next picture, DeathDream.

INTERVIEW WITH SETH SKLAREY

Seth Sklarey played Orville, the abused corpse and later vengeful zombie, in “Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things.” The undead makeup job was augmented by Mr. Sklarey’s natural physical attributes (he appears to be both tall and lean). The result is a zombie you would definitely not want to be locked in a room with.

How did you come into the part of Orville? Did the person making the casting decisions already know you and think you were right for the part?

SKLAREY: A girlfriend of mine at the time bicycled up to me and said, “They are casting a horror movie and they described the look they wanted for the lead and it fits your description.” She took me to Bob Clark and he signed me on the spot for $350 up front and $350 at the end. I never saw the second $350.

What was it like, making the movie?

SKLAREY: You will be happy to know that Alan Ormsby was an obnoxious asshole when the camera was off as well. I don’t think it was acting.

So Alan was just playing himself, not acting at all.

SKLAREY: You got it.  Bob Clark, who is a great director, purposely shot me slightly out of focus, because he thought I would move. I didn’t. Not one reviewer has taken into consideration the “acting” and control of playing dead. Some horror film fans and directors have complimented me on my “performance” and said it was the best they had seen. It took a great deal of control to keep from strangling Alan throughout the movie. The mosquitoes in the “graveyard” were horrendous. The only way I could keep myself free from them was to close the lid on the coffin and doze off between scenes. Some wise guys started to fill in the grave during one of my naps and I gave them a demonstration of what Orville would have done had he been real. They knew it was me but THEY soiled their pants.

Did you know when you were cast that you were going to be the lead zombie?

SKLAREY: No, it was all in the script but I wasn’t given too much access to the script. [Alan] Ormsby probably made half of it up as he went along too but there was a script. I had no lines so I guess they figured there really wasn’t any reason to give me a script. I never knew what was going on!

How long did it take you to put on the makeup?

SKLAREY: It used to take three hours at night to put it on and two hours in the morning to get it off. A guy named Gary and a girl, whose name I don’t remember, maybe Ann Farmer, did my makeup. They put it on but I usually took it off myself once I got home. It was latex pieces that they would put on and then paint over. Then they dried it all with hair dryers. The hair was my own but they put some stuff in it to make it look white.

I had not thought about the challenge of lying perfectly still before, but you are right. Being still is something that I could do, but, even with my eyelids closed, small eye movements would probably give me away. Is it (staying motionless) something you have always been able to do, or did you have to work out a technique?

SKLAREY: When I was a kid I was impressed by the Hindu fakirs and always practiced shallow breathing and trying to hold my breath under water for twenty minutes. I think my record was sixty-one seconds.

Did you ever fall asleep on the set while they were filming?

SKLAREY: Oh yes, a bunch of times. The movie was filmed at the county nursery and the mosquitoes were horrendous. I would go to sleep in the coffin because I could close the lid and shut the mosquitoes out. One time, I went to sleep in the coffin when it was in the grave and these wise asses started to shovel dirt in on top of me. I came flying out of that coffin in full costume and makeup and just scared the hell out of them. They knew I was in there and they knew I was an actor but they didn’t know what to think – they weren’t expecting that!

Were there any dangerous stunts in the movie?

SKLAREY: Probably the worst was exposing us to so many mosquito bites. We could have gotten malaria, yellow fever, or dengue fever. I would not have been surprised if there weren’t a few tsetse flies out there too. There were a few bats out at the graveyard, but they could not get them on camera. Of course, Anya was kind of batty, but that is a different story.

I hope they had a padded mat or something to take the hard knock out of your fall.

SKLAREY: It was a single mattress on the floor. It would knock the breath out of you to fall on it. Fortunately I had some judo training and could take a hard fall. I always fancied myself as a stuntman and loved watching Jock Mahoney, Sally Field’s father in the TV show “Yancy Derringer,” in which he did his own stunts. Again, I knew if I did anything to break my fall it would show as phony on the screen. So, I opted for reality for the sake of art and was sore for a week.

You mentioned that Children was filmed at a plant nursery, was it on an island?

SKLAREY: No, the island was a different location. It was the Dade County plant nursery. That was where most of it was shot. The house was in Coconut Grove. It was owned by a friend of mine, Tony Gulliver. He was the still photographer on the movie. He had an old house that was typical of the type in Coconut Grove and we filmed all the interiors there.

Is that house still standing?

SKLAREY: Yes, the house is still there. Someone bought it and fixed it up but it’s still an old house. We did one shot at the end on an island off the coast of Miami. That was with us [the ghouls] sailing off in the boat. The boat was called The Ram, it was owned by an old friend of mine, Harry Boehme, who is also in the movie. He was one of the ghouls. The “graveyard” was the old Dade County plant nursery in South Dade off Old Cutler Road. It was starting to become a very affluent neighborhood, but there was a large tract behind a County Park (Matheson Hammock) where they grew plants and trees for that and other parks. It was heavily wooded and, during the hot, wet summer months, was mosquito infested. The woods were dark, damp, and clammy – ideal for a horror movie.

Carl Zittrer – Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things

                          Bob Clark Director Profile Part One Clark was born in New Orleans in 1939. “We moved to Birmingham, Alabama, we were lower middle class, but we actually had a maid.