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#it was cathartic for me anyway
jadewing-realms · 1 year
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disclaimer: written pre-release
i've had this sitting in my drafts for a bit since i started playing BG3, I kept seeing a particular kind of post regarding Astarion and it really started to frustrate me soooooo. here's a vaguely coherent rant nobody asked for pff
As I got into the game, following Astarion's romance subplot, doing research on the game and characters thus far, I encountered the schism between those who love Astarion and by extension, characters like him, and those that consider said characters as little more than toxic creatures, narcissists best dealt with swiftly and harshly. The latter tends, in the posts I've found at least, to view the former as poor unfortunate souls with the dreaded "i can fix him" mentality.
Now, I'm not here to say either is entirely wrong. I think to take a side here is to do the exploration a disservice and to forget the depth of nuance in art and media interpretation.
And that's just it. Because at the end of the day, interpretation is one of the key elements involved in this discourse. In the case of Astarion, especially with the game having been in early access for so long and no complete, guaranteed details of his past or arc made public yet, with so much up in the air as the full release drops, there are worlds of interpretations that can be made regarding our infamous vampire rogue.
Is one of those interpretations that he's both emotional and literal vampire who's every action is a trap for the protagonist in order to use them, and that he's irredeemable? Yes. Is another that he's simply trying to survive in a situation he's never been in after spending two centuries living like an animal? Also yes.
The error here, I think, is to treat one interpretation like it's more "right" than another. Which is what I've seen a lot of online threads do... Insisting one perspective is superior to the other. Which is bad faith even on a good day when either perspective is based in concrete, unchangeable fact. Even moreso in this case, until there's complete canon material to bank on, and even then that will have so much variety to it since most of it will depend on the actions of the player. It's a choice-based game. There is so much space for varied experiences, and none of them will be "right" or "wrong."
I feel like in modern media discussion, when considering whether a character is actively harmful or just flawed, it can be easy to forget that some of our most popular stories are ones in which someone is deemed beyond hope or redemption, a danger to all they encountered, only for their arc to raise them from their Pit of Dickishness and set them on pedestals as some of the most memorable, inspiring characters we know.
The timeless story of the Christmas Carol gives us an absolutely despicable old geezer who literally spells out the horror he'd inflict upon the poor if he could, simply for the sin of poverty. But in an effort to fixate only on how problematic he (very much intentionally) is, we might lose sight of how the whole point of the story is to watch him be forced to confront his ways, unpack all his crap, and become better for it in the end.
Characters like Prince Zuko, Edmund Pevensie, Greedling, Steve Harrington, Boromir, James Ford, friggin Darth Vader, we wouldn't have any of them if we only read them at surface level as toxic assholes and then left it at that. But through learning the nuances of these characters and watching them confront their actions and consequences and learn from them, they not only grow and change into better people, but we love them because they hold pieces of ourselves in them, despite their sharp edges. We can understand why they are the way they are, and maybe, if we're honest with ourselves, we can acknowledge that we might have done similarly awful things under their circumstances. It makes them relatable, admirable, and cautionary all at once. It makes them human.
None of that is to say that there are never characters built purely and solely to fear and loath, not at all. True scumbags can and do exist, both in fiction and reality. To try to enforce the idea of finding empathy for a true monster is often a tactic used in reality to gaslight people into excusing said monsters' behavior.
Which leads into the "i can fix him" argument. When applied to situations dealing with real dangerous and horrid people who can't or won't change? Absolutely Not Great (though that's not to say it can't be included in a story, there are valuable themes in that on its own). Condoning this dynamic as something good is what leads to abusive relationships and innocent people staying in unhealthy situations for far too long. I'm among those who can attest to that personally.
That said, when it comes to Astarion, no one can rightly say going through his romance arc or not is condoning anything. Because it once more comes down almost entirely to perspective and interpretation, because he's a video game character comprised of pixels and a well-written script and there are limitless ways he can be interpreted and interacted with.
Like, personally, yes, there are some dynamics I'd feel uncomfy pairing him with, even with the empathy I feel for his character. Platonic or romantic, doesn't matter. Does that mean I'm going to apply my interpretation and personal boundaries to the next person playing the Astarion romance? No. That would be assuming I've somehow discovered the "correct" way to interpret the game, which I have not and can never do because RPGs like Baldur's Gate 3 are such personalized experiences. People are 100% free to play a fictional game however the hell they so please, because stories are not inherently 1-to-1 reflections of reality.
Especially when it comes to the narcissism accusation, it sparks an extra layer of discomfort for me when it seems like characters who act selfishly or spin lies get called "narcissistic" when that's kinda severely over-generalizing what narcissism actually is??
Narcissism is inherently selfish, but not all selfishness is narcissism. Gaslighting is built on lies, but not all lies are gaslighting. This separation was literally bugging me so much, I talked with my therapist about it last week. And she agreed.
Some folks seem to forget is actual NPD isn't just about selfishness and manipulating. It's fragile ego and delusions of grandeur and the mind games, dysregulating highs and humiliating lows that they will weave in a web around you so that you, as a victim, can never get your mental and emotional footing. Usually for the purposes of then swooping in to offer themselves as your only source of stability. The whole "rely on me because your judgment is clearly faulty and you need to be protected from yourself" shtick.
You know. Kinda like Cazador.
The way I see Astarion, by contrast, is that he has an honesty to him that lacks such delusions. As much as he desperately tries to maintain this veneer of poise and sass and devil-may-care out of self-preservation, it's paper thin and crumples under the barest pressure. Like, the equivalent of a thematic sneeze and down he goes. Then you see him as he is. Which is just... frightened. Sad. Kinda pathetic, really. And absolutely, positively lost. All things he knows, but he legit believes he will be killed if he lets any of it show.
Comparing that to, say, Wyll, who's blissfully ignorant bluster reminds me painfully of self-aggrandizing family members that I love but can't interact with honestly because of the forest of self-delusion around them... well, it's not much of a contest.
If somebody interprets Astarion as a slimy, manipulating power-monger and gets rid of him the first chance they have, that's their story to tell and power to them for it. But the same must be said for the opposite. I don't appreciate the thought that there's a whole sect of the BG3 fandom that probably genuinely considers me "less than" or "unhealthy" or "problematic" in some way for being among those who like this character or others like him and their potential thematically and narratively. But if my interpretation is that he’s a frightened man who just wants to feel safe and free, that is also its own story and it's mine to tell if I wish. And both can be good or even powerful stories!
Is all of this based on my own personal nuances, biases, and priorities? Absolutely. And that's kinda the whole point... There's not a wrong answer with this, really. I experience these games and these characters through a lens that is mine and mine only, and I give meaning to the worlds I enter based on what makes the story feel most interesting and satisfying for me. And at the end of the day, what else is art for but to help us explore ourselves and learn a little bit more about what it means to be human. In all its glory and ugliness.
And that's a wholly personal journey nobody deserves to have micromanaged or belittled. I'm certainly not gonna go around looking down on anyone for having a different reading than mine. You do you, boo. But let me do me too.
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giddlygoat · 3 months
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based on this au i made. don’t worry, i’m sure they’ll work it out
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nattikay · 1 month
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OC lineup! All the characters that currently exist in this "story"
#oeyä ayskxawngtsyìp#some small details may be subject to change#others might also be added to the “story” later#for example a while ago I was thinking maybe Rolukx and Se'txelu also have a sister because why not#tentatively named her Mingal and she'd be a teenager in the default timeline#(for reference at that time Se'txelu and Neynari are in their early 20s and Rolukx in his late 20s)#but she doesn't have a particular design yet and I haven't decided on many details#me being me i will also prooooobably give Neynari and Se'txelu some kids of their own at some point but again so specific ideas just yet#maybe even give rolukx a love interest#for personal reasons i can't decide whether it would be more cathartic to give him one or to not give him one#idk we'll see#also btw since this is chibi style don't take it as a 100% accurate height comparison lol#fwiw on that front I think Seylana and Neynari are a bit shorter than average#Rolukx is slightly taller than average#and everyone else is pretty solidly Average™ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also for those who didn't catch it in my previous post about these guys: Awlun is Lunaya's aunt (Awlun's brother is Lunaya's father)#hence the shared surname#also Seylana is not naturally blond; she started coloring her hair after Neynari was born to match her daughter#(there are canon Aranahe characters with hair like this such as Sa'nop and Nilngan)#(and yes I suspect it's artifical color because the tail tufts are still black. hence Seylana's tail tuft still being her natural color too#ANYWAYS#yeah#my art#neynari#se'txelu#rolukx#seylana#vontxu#awlun#lunaya
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uruhasbubble-tea · 3 months
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so one day curiosity got the better of me and i wondered what it's like to hear Fall For Me with raw clean vocals, without vocoder,
and it's just as beautiful
and here's the backing vocals, which you should definitely listen to as well.
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crowlixcx · 4 months
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Don't speak, I know what you're thinkin' I don't need your reasons Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't Speak by No Doubt - The Brainrot Series
(requested by @10-days-of-freakin-olives)
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randys-ranch · 1 month
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I get kind of dysphoric seeing Kabru being the only one to get depicted as a trans man in all the dungimeshi fanart, he is short, effeminate, cunty- its weird, why is your first assumption the feminine short man is trans? What exactly do you think is inherent to the afab body that makes it such a immedianet thought?
You cant really ..tell queers just by looking at someone.
Why is it never Laios or Senshi? Its uncommon to see transmasc art of them, and i know why that is.
Theyre "traditionally masculine"
Which isnt true entirely, Senshi was described as effeminate for a dwarf, but he adheres to Our standards of masculinity, so he doesnt appeal to the inherent idea people have of trans men- and people think trans men are women.
So. Yknow. Think before you trans i guess. Youre actually perpetuating some bad ideas by not having any range in your depiction of transgender men.
If you only ever draw short, cunty, pretty, effeminate, snappy yet subby men as transgender men...
You...are doing a poor job at spreading transmasc positivity.
Even if you yourself are transmasc you are still susceptible to perpetuating the idea that trans men are inherently weaker, softer and more feminine compared to cisgender men.
Yes gnc trans men exist, its important to depict those in art aswell, but unique gender presentation doesnt equate to your personality.
The problem with trans Kabru is all the art im seeing of him "mothering" Laios' children, taking on a "female" role in the ship art, adhering to a status quo because of his vagina..
There is just a lot of shitfuckery and i think you need to give it more thought before deciding the femmy subby man is a transgender man.
And i've NEVER seen a transfem Kabru- oh but everyone LOVES transfem Laios, theres probably more to unpack about transfem Laios being so prevalent but its not my place to do so.
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north-noire · 4 months
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Behold! I am the magic anon #058! Now it’s time to dropkick William Afton into the fifteenth dimension!
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The FNAF good ending just dropped.
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butchcarmy · 6 months
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Idk if you've written this but can you write about carmy and the reader arguing and he makes her cry? Idk I just feel like thatd be good angst fluff lol
AHH I got carried away as per usual. anyway this is good stuff. wrote a bunch. enjoy!!
word count: 1.3k
tags: traumatized carmy, mentally ill carmy and reader, arguing, language, HURT/COMFORT, ANGST/FLUFF, carmy being a sweetie
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Hm…i'm spending a lot of time thinking about the set-up for this. Carmy is a very careful person when it comes to those he’s romantically involved in, but at the same time, he has a hard time controlling his temper when he's in the darkness, as i'll put it. 
here's something awful i think about that i wanna write about. carmy's stressed about work, because of course he is. he's carmy. his head is whirring, spinning with anxiety and self-hatred. i think you're just like him. mentally ill for mentally ill if you will. you're also in a bad mood, and he comes home from The Bear exhausted and keyed up.
“I hate when you push me away like this,” you admit. You've been trying to get him to talk to you since he's been home. Maybe he just needs space, but separation makes you anxious. Especially when he shuts down. 
“I'm sorry that it's so hard for you,” he spits, finally snapping and turning to face you. You've followed him into the dark bedroom, lit only by the harsh moonlight through the window. You flinch. You never quite get used to seeing him like this. 
“I—I just—“ you feel pressure beginning in the back of your eyes. You will it away. “How can I help you if you don’t talk to me?”
“Why do you care so much? Does it make you feel better to take care of someone more fucked up than you?” He snaps, voice raised. His words go down bitter, leaving an awful taste in your mouth. Something in you shatters.
“How could you ask me that?” Your vision’s gone hot and blurry. “I’m your partner. I love you, that’s why I care, you asshole!” You’re stifling sobs. You hate crying in fights like this, but it hurts. You can’t help it.
“Fuck,” Carmy mutters under his breath. He’s gone still in your blurred vision. “Baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that—“
“That was so fucked up, Carmy.” You move to sit on the bed, trying to wipe your tears away, but they keep coming. “What’s your problem?”
“You know what my problem is.” His remorse has swept away the anger, leaving him quiet before you. He leans down at your knees, hands on your thighs. “I shouldn’t have said that. Any of that.”
“You shouldn’t have.” Carmy nods quickly, and he raises a hand to your wet cheeks. “Fuckin’ asshole.”
“I know.” He takes your pain, your anger in its entirety. His other hand brings your knuckles to his lips. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.“
“Sure sounded like you meant it.” Anger flares up in your chest, hurt and betrayed, but you tamp it down, leaning into his hand cradling his face. You take a deep breath to steady yourself. “Damnit, Carmy.”
“I know. I know.” He’s still kissing your hand. “You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you.” You hate it when he talks like this, because you can tell he really believes it.
“Don’t say that. Please.” 
“But it’s true.” You look down at him in the moonlight, at his sad blue eyes. “I always find ways to hurt you. I…”
“That’s what being in a relationship is, Carm.” You pat the space next to you. “Sit with me?”
“I keep having to remind myself of that.” He sinks into the bed next to you. “I’m so sorry for talking about you like that. Like you’re only doing this out of…I don’t know. Obligation.” He drags a hand across his tired face. “You don’t deserve that. I’m sorry. I just, I just think that—that I’m—fuck—“
“Slow down, Carm,” you say quietly. “It’s okay. You don’t need to force it. I’m listening.” He smiles bitterly at you, and you recognize the love in it easily. He takes in a deep breath before continuing. 
“I still have a hard time believing that anyone cares about me. I can’t even believe that you—love me.” You can practically see the shame rolling off of him in waves. “And it makes me scared.”
“Love is scary, isn’t it?” You say softly. He just nods. “It scares me, too. That’s why I kept pestering you when you got home. I…” You blink quickly. You don’t wanna cry again. “It scares me when I don’t know what you’re thinking. Because…I dunno. It just does.”
“Yeah?” You nod. He has this thoughtful expression that he holds for a moment as he stews on your words. “I didn’t think about it like that. I’m sorry. I think…I think when you kept asking me if I was okay, it…” he sighs, scratches at his temples. “I felt like I was…getting back into a corner. I think.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” You take his hand in yours. “I can see how that must’ve felt really bad.”
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault that I’m like this. I think—I think it just reminded me of my mom. We would always ask her if she was okay, because she’s fucking crazy, yknow? We didn’t wanna step on her toes. But it turns out we did anyway. And the way I acted just now, I was just like…” He can’t even get the words out. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, voice choked with emotion. “I love you. So much. You know that, right?”
“You tell me everyday. How could I not?” You pull him into a hug, tight and warm, and he instantly wraps his arms around you. “You’re not your mom, Carm. You're nothing like her. Okay?” 
“I don’t wanna be like her,” he whispers. “I don’t wanna be like her.”
“You’re not,” you remind him softly. “And you won’t be.”
Carmy leans back to look at you, but he remains close. His expression is knotted with pain. You run your thumb over his furrowed brow, and it makes his mouth curve upwards in a smile. It’s fleeting, but it was there. 
“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I’ll try to open up more. Let you know what I’m thinking.”
Suddenly, you think about when you first started dating Carmy. He was so scared to open up to you emotionally, but with gentle prodding, he fell apart instantly. There was a hunger in him to be known by others, to be seen by you, and it scared him to death. You see that same fear in him now, but you also see how much he’s grown since then. You doubt you would’ve been able to have this conversation at all in the first couple months. 
That makes you happy in a way you’re not quite able to word properly.
“Thank you. But I hope you also know I don’t want to force you. I just wanna help. And…” You measure your words carefully. “I’ll try not to let it freak me out so much. Because if you’re not in the mood to talk, I want you to know that’s okay. Okay?”
“Okay. I’d like that. If I don’t want to talk, I’ll just tell you. Instead of…blowing a fuse.” He laughs dryly. 
“I’d like that too.” You let out an exhale of relief you didn’t realize you were holding. “Wow, Carm. Look at us. Communicating!”
“I know.” That makes him laugh for real this time, and you’re laughing too. “I couldn’t do it without you.”
“I think you could. But I certainly like doing it with you.” His smiles grows wider at that, brimming with affection. 
“Let me make this up to you, baby.” He pulls you in for a kiss, slow and deep. You let out a little noise when his lips meet yours. 
“Make it up to me?” Carmy’s tongue is on your neck now. Oh. “Aren’t you tired? You—you have work tomorrow—?”
“Don’t care.” You fall back onto the bed, and the blankets deflate under you. You stare up at Carmy, his curls hanging by his face. “You’re more important.”
“Well, if you insist…” You giggle, and your giggles get louder when Carmy pulls up your shirt to blow raspberries against your stomach. “Carmy, quit it—oh—!”
He makes it up to you in full and more by keeping his head between your legs for the rest of the night. By the end of it you can't remember what you were mad about in the first place.
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ghastlyaffairs · 5 months
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
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the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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bloomfish · 6 months
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It's so weird that in angel s5e2 they do a little flashback to Spike's blaze of glory moment in the last episode of Buffy... but they leave out Buffy saying "I love you". It's such a blatant omission, the ONLY omission from that scene, that it feels totally deliberate and kind of dishonest. Considering a lot of the Spike and Angel moments in S5 revolve around their jealousy and rivalry towards each other, and a LOT of that is to do with Buffy like... Why would you leave it out? It's a pretty big moment for Spike's character in general.
As far as I recall they don't even mention it, they just mention the fact that Spike and Buffy have had a lot of sex compared to bangel's ONE disastrous time (that they remember) but it does kind of cheapen it for Spike. A big motivation for him not leaving LA could have been him not wanting to hold Buffy to her words, since he clearly doesn't believe that she loves him (even though she does, as per Whedon). He presumably thinks she only said that to make him feel better in his final moments, because she wouldn't have to actually follow through on her words. Which is sad. But it makes much more sense as a motivation than the weird 'it cheapens my moment of glory' excuse like since when does spike give a shit about that
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shootingstarpilot · 4 months
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okay listen. listen. i'm sorry, i had to get this out of my head, it's been haunting me and i want to get back to working on the next proper chapter-
the mimic lives au.
mimic is brought into the fold without question, of course. and needle- oh, needle's borne witness to the nightmares that force helix awake, shaking-not-screaming, and he knows enough-
so he makes mimic a voice.
it takes him just over a week to record the entire gbs dictionary. he breaks it down, keeps it alphabetical so it's easier to find the words. dictionaries of other languages are on the list. needle thinks maybe mimic can pick and choose which ones to prioritize later. they'll have time.
(they'll have time, isn't that a novel thought-)
but the dictionary is only part of it. there are plenty of manufactured voices out there already, after all.
the datapad becomes needle's newest conversational partner. he sets it up when he's on his own and lets his train of thought derail. spinning out stories both real and fantastical. drawing out threads until they reach the boiling point of absurdity and send him into a fit of giggles. he repeats the stories he'd told mimic just that afternoon, tells him about the jedi, about the temple, about making their own home. then he remembers what helix had said about mimic wanting to be a pilot, and goes and bullies comet into educating him on starfighters. he recites his lessons to the camera each evening in the moments of stolen solitude he can squirrel away before one of the others comes looking for him.
"it's like learning another language," he says, and wags a finger at the camera. "you're welcome."
needle gifts it to mimic a week after they arrive at the temple with a wireless earpiece to match. no pressure, of course, he says, grinning, just thought it could be a good resource to have, words to borrow at your fingertips, but i know i'm only tolerable in small doses, so-
he squawks when mimic's hug lifts him clear off the ground.
anyway. so. you see my vision.
helix jumps a mile when he first hears needle's laugh in mimic's mouth. stitch yells at needle for a bit about talking so much, needle, is this why your voice was so hoarse- and then restricts him to tea for four days until he's sure his throat has healed. sometimes it's too much, and mimic will stick his earpiece to the fridge and borrow words spoken right in front of him until his brain stops buzzing-
but it works. they work.
and then.
it's a few months in. they're comfortable. they're setting down roots.
then one night needle doesn't come home.
helix doesn't wait to raise the alarm. needle doesn't spend every night home, but he's good about comming when he'll be staying elsewhere. he knows helix is struggling with letting them leave his line of sight.
and now he's gone. and he didn't comm.
the first three days stretch into a week.
then a second week.
then a month.
and now, the vision that has been HAUNTING ME-
helix, clutching mimic's datapad, sitting on the edge of his bed.
the lights are low. his eyes are red.
he hits play.
"-ah, i love them," needle says, laughing. the laugh stretches into a yawn-
(that holds for one, two, three seconds, helix knows it now by heart-)
a knock at the door sounds in the video. needle hunches his shoulders, grimacing- his eyes are dancing, he's not annoyed, not really-
"be right out!" he calls, and then- helix's voice on the other side-
"get your beauty routine under control!"
needle waits until his footsteps have vanished before turning back to the camera-
(six footsteps before they fade enough to become inaudible- helix has counted them so many times-)
"i don't need one," he says, and winks at the camera- his eyes are shining, bright and happy- "he's just jealous all of this is effortless. night, mimic. talk to you in the morning."
the video ends.
helix sits in the dark.
after a moment, he taps at the datapad again.
"ah, i love them," needle says. his laugh- snorting, open, happy-
(one-two-three for the yawn-)
helix hits pause. rewinds.
"i love them," needle says.
pause. rewind.
"i love them."
pause. rewind.
"i love them."
pause. rewind.
"i love them."
"i love them."
"i love them."
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blackbackedjackal · 1 year
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As a Gévaudan Lycan, June’s design is supposed to give off an unknowable and melancholy energy.
Gévaudan Lycans are mimics, and their emotions alter their form, especially if they have little to no control of themselves when they shift.
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The way June was changed into a lycan and her experience during first shift were extremely traumatic, and over time, her lycan form reflected her feelings of loss and self-loathing. She fronts as this charming and confident woman, while holding back her deeper emotions that eventually leached into the form that reflects her true self.
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Fear, sadness, loss, and rage all mixed into this one entity she cannot control. Once a month, she's forced into facing all of those emotions, reliving that trauma again and again for nearly 30 years.
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legobiwan · 16 days
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Post-Weirdmageddon Stan & Ford
Trying to sort out their characters to get a better grasp of what I'm doing for some writing projects and, yes, I'm subjecting you all to it.
Ford makes a big, showy deal about burning his Bill paraphernalia, to the point he comes across as a bit manic the day of the bonfire, engaging in loud, rapid-fire conversation with Mabel and Dipper. Stan has a sneaking suspicion his brother may have palmed one or two items before he and the kids carted the frankly disturbing number of triangle artifacts up from the basement. Later on, Ford makes a production out of both throwing his journals in the Bottomless Pit and shooting Bill’s psycho diary into an interdimensional rift. His brother is every bit as dramatic as Stan is, which is why Stan can’t help but think Ford is using these events to “prove” he’s past the thirty-year obsession he had with a malevolent piece of geometry homework. This instinct is only strengthened by the times Stan caught Ford creeping out from his lab the nights following these events, trailed by the odor of cheap gin. (Stan very much tries not to think about the fact their father drank gin, too).
Stan and Ford approach genuine emotional conversation like two skittish alley cats. Half the time Ford’s emotional response is caught up in cerebral traffic and what he does feel he can’t put a proper label on until days, sometimes weeks (sometimes years) later. Stan has difficulty shedding the Mr. Mystery mask, thirty years of shoving every hurt feeling behind the flick of a cane and a colorful tall tale now so instinctual Stan sometimes feels he can’t separate the two, like he’s lost track of the narrative of his own life. They’ve been able to power through one excruciating session (with the help of an ample amount of bourbon) in regards to the night Stan was kicked out, their watery apologies heartfelt, if a bit slurred. But Stan’s afraid to push his brother too far, still feeling as if he has the Sword of Damocles swaying above him, and that at any point Ford’s going to snap out of his self-imposed sentence of contrition and bring down the blade on Stan’s neck himself.
Because of this, Stan gives himself little landmarks, little goals and dates to hang on to, to convince himself this is all real and that the rug won’t be pulled out from under him. Two weeks without the kids and Ford not kicking him out of the Shack. One month before they’re supposed to leave for the Arctic with them surviving their first real argument. He figures if they can get through three months at sea without Ford kicking him off the boat and leaving for good, there’s a chance Ford’s change of heart might be permanent. He has the date circled in a calendar they have hanging in their shared quarters. Ford’s asked about the importance of it, if there was a birthday or anniversary he was ignorant of, or if perhaps it was one of those new superfluous holidays Mabel has told him about, like National Waffle Day. Stan pretends he can’t remember why he circled the date at all, which, of course, prompts all kinds of intensive questioning from his brother regarding his mental acuity and the memory gun. Stan laughs it off - probably something to do with the taxes I’ve never paid, he says with a long, Cheshire grin. 
Ford refuses to talk about Bill. He doesn’t even attempt plausible deniability when he grabs the steering wheel of the conversation and makes a squealing U-turn worthy of a bank heist escape if they stray too near Bill’s name. The times Stan has tried to initiate conversation, has waded near that radioactive topic, his brother has either outright ignored him or given Stan a look so cold it would probably register as a climate anomaly. It’s easier…and safer for both of them to avoid it. (This won't end well).
This isn’t to say they’re having a bad time prepping for their journey or on the boat. Overall, it’s the most relaxed Stan has felt in years (and best of all, the likelihood of the IRS having a maritime patrol is vanishingly small. Stan can’t help but think - with no small amount of smug satisfaction - that if Capone had taken to the sea, he might not have ended up in the federal clink). And despite the fact his brother can be a pretentious, argumentative, know-it-all pain in the ass, they’re getting along. Having fun. Even if Ford is an absolute cheater when it comes to card games.
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bctoastyyy · 1 year
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spinning hunter and flapjack owl house around very very gently ough they. good. was nice to draw and good to get off my chest to help with those Emotions tm
anyway the owl house is very good
(non gif version under cut)
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witchspeka · 1 year
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It's always "Shou and Ritsu need to blow stuff up with their minds for mental health reasons" or Ritsu and Teru or even Shou and Teru!
But what about Mob? When does he get to blow stuff up with his mind for funsies? For shits and giggles? He didn't go through all of those meltdowns and character development for nothing, let him go ham on a junkyard car or something smh
I believe in Mob's narrative given right to fuck shit up sometimes
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cyphyra · 6 months
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