#it was so fun im so glad i saw aj

[solo-uso]

YES BOY!!!

[fanficwriter284]

hello Fan!!! i had another silly thought again….

so, you know how we discussed that Caro and Otto would be friends in the Carolus Lives AU? i was thinking of Carolus introducing him to his family and now im curious…what do you think Chuck (and any of his family you wanna include!! the more the merrier!) would think of Otto?

HUBDSUDKSJ.D OMG I LOVE THIS!!!

OK OK OK!!!

SO! Carolus would introduce Otto to his wife and daughter Camila first. Lily finds Otto to be a sweet guy ad can see why he and her husband get along. She likes him, glad he's nice and caring to her family.

As for Chuck... Chucky's always distrusting of people, so he spoke in German to his twin asking who the hell this guy was...only to be baffled that Otto is and speaks German. So that was a bit awkward. He could see the similarities between the two and saw why they were friends and any friend of his brother he was willing to give a shot. He got used to him and lightened up a bit. Tiffany found Otto so adorable, with how sweet he was, and the two became instant friends.

As for the kids, (Chucky and Tiffany's first born Nikolaus still alive) Niko being the oldest warmed up to Otto rather quickly, and the two held conversations about Otto's job in the police force curious to what he did. The twins loved him from the start seeing how wholesome he was and his effort to include them in small fun games!!!

(I mentioned her once before Chucky's adoptive cousin AJ)

She's really close with Chucky and Carolus and visited them when Otto was present. The two instantly became friends, and she even invited him to her house another time, so he could meet her wife.

Eddie also met Otto and was very distrusting of him because HELLO he's a cop! But eventually Otto's sweet charm won him over.

They all really like him because seriously? HOW CAN YOU HATE HIM?

(Hmm...now I'm thinking about in my regular Au and Otto meeting the boys....hmm.....Idk...It's gonna be on my mind for a while...let me know if you're curious to hear bout that)

[winryrockbellwannabe]

AJ my beloved <3 how have you been? I don't get to see nearly enough of you on my dash :" I love love love your ghibli challenge, it's so calming and comforting and it always brings a smile to my face <3 and it's so characteristically youuu!!! (when I think of you I automatically envision Kiki xD) and now you're already halfway through the challenge omg! time goes so fast 😩

this ask is kinda overdue atp, we haven't spoken in a while and i just missed you too much T-T so hi 🥺💗 have you been eating well and staying hydrated? I hope youve been taking good care of yourself :))

also! I just saw your bookworm post and I want to ask- 43 and 44! honestly I love listening to you talk about books and media in gen and your tsh rants are 🤌🤌 I'll bombard you with more numbers soon xD

sending in lots of love and hugs, specifically the ponyo kind 💕🫂 love youuu<3

MEG!! hiii, i missed you!! 🥺 <333

(sorry, i also took ages answering this, chaotic couple of weeks)

I've been okay, kinda overwhelmed rn bc ✨exams✨, which also means my bachelor's is almost over???? *panics a little bit*

I'm so glad you liked my ghibli challenge, i was needing a pick me up for the last weeks of classes and i think it was great for it. And i was definitely inspired by your takami challenge! It was so cute, and it really made me want to watch the series so I could understand all the references!!!

(Im so honored to be associated with kiki in your brain, meanwhile I can't watch ponyo rn without thinking of you💞)

Also, dw about the ask being "overdue", honestly you've been hella busy, so don't worry about it - I've been happy just watching from "a far" rooting for you and being super proud!!!💗

Also, you sound like my mom ahahah, yes I've been eating enough. Drinking water too, since my sister got me the cutest water bottle with little daisies in it, it's adorable.

Lastly, ahhhk, I'm honored you like my media rants, most of the time I feel like I'm just saying gibberish ahaha

(answering the question under the break, bc this is getting too long lol)

43. Title of a book you own that's in the worst physical condition you have. Explain what happened to it. Post a picture if you want.

uuh. Currently not that many books are in terrible conditions (not like me and my sister's old harry potter novels - in one of them the cover just fell off before i even read it lmao)

I usually try to keep my book pristine, not folding pages or breaking the spine. BUT, in the Game of Thrones (fun fact, the copy wasn't even mine, it was my sister's) i was getting so frustrated with it, i was just breaking the spine off to deal with my frustration lmao

44. The book(s) whose stories have become part of your very makeup.

Ahh SO MANY. Definitely Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the universe and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. Those two are the kind of books you read in 2020/21 that make you feel so seen in those moments that you are so hopeless and alone and ahhh. they really made me feel understood in some kind of way

Pride and Prejudice and St. Clare's saga by Enid Blynton, bc of how long I've been obsessed with them. In the same way, Harry Potter and Percy Jackson.

The Poppy War and TSH just bc of the emotional damage lmaoo

And that's it!

Now, how are you??? Also, I already gave you a tiny review of you poetry on the reblogs, but gotta say it again, MEG IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! I will stalk your poetry blog once my exams end, so expect excited asks about it in like.... a month? (*sobs*)

gotta go, love youuuu 💗💗💗

[keysmashingfantasies]

Funny Girl

chapter two

summary: after being away for a while, Bucky is back with a mission. ft. Sam and Uncle Gus being the little shits that they are.

A/N: i am terribly sorry for the delay, i haven't been on my game but i am back. also, if there's any spelling mistakes, i apologize for that as well but my laptop is in a better place now (f in the chat). so im writing from my phone. but i hope you like nonetheless. please feel free to leave some feedback! ALSO, very important!: tw for self loathing, body image issues and bullying!

He did not ask her next Tuesday.

He and Sam had to save the world yet again. It was crazy how much Sam and Steve were alike. That might've explained why Bucky felt so infuriated with both of them. Steve now had a desk job, officially retired and laying low. Really low. So low almost no one knew he was alive, but he was. Bucky swears that if it wasn't for the serum those two would've damaged his blood pressure a long time ago.

Sam and Bucky were on a mission to tear down a human trafficking ring, which meant packing their bags and hopping onto a jet again and again and again. The jet lag and paperwork were insufferable enough but now there was the cherry on top of the cake that was at least two months without seeing her. He got distracted. Not enough to ruin things but definitely enough for Sam to notice.

"You mean to tell me you just almost took a bullet on purpose?", said Sam.

"Yup. I meant to do that", said Bucky.

"Uh huh. So what's her name?", said Sam.

"What do you mean?"

"Dude, not even on that fight in that German airport with everyone under the sun after us I saw you get asleep on the wheel like that. Also, AJ and Cass might've told their favorite uncle that their second favorite uncle has been coming back from the veteran home with cartoon hearts over your head. Soooo, what's her name?", Sam said while laughing into his takeout box. Bucky looked at his flesh forearm, the mark of where the bullet grazed his arm was starting to heal already.

"Y/N. Her name's Y/N", he mumbled.

"So she's that comedian that got you on a leash?", Sam smirked. Never in a million years he thought he would see THE Bucky Barnes, public broody asshole number one in love. He was going to have so much fun.

"Cheer up, Romeo. We will probably be done with this case in a couple of weeks. Then you can go put on some tights and go sing under her window or whatever you used to do back in the day"

"Shut up, Sam"

-

Bucky hated when Sam was right. Most of the time. This was not one of them.

Two weeks later, they were back in Delacroix and by Friday Bucky was almost vibrating with anxiousness as if it was a first date. He barely could hold itself together while playing checkers with Gus.

"Calm down, boy, she's coming", he said and Bucky felt like a deer in headlights, his eyes widening as Gus laughed.

"I- I don't", he started to talk but was interrupted by Gus.

"Yeah, of course you don't. I'm not dumb, y'know. Been alive for a long time. Not as long as you but...", he said before laughing again. Bucky couldn't help but smile from relief and because just how much you and Gus resembled each other.

"You could show me some respect. I'm older than you, y'know", he said as Gus rolled to the dresser to put the board away. He froze again as a laugh that could only be described as angelic hit his ears.

"Look at you two, fighting like an old couple", she said as Bucky turned around to take her in.

He was glad he was sitting down. When she was in the room, everything around her seemed to blur. Especially when she smiled at him like that, walking so the blue dress she was wearing swishes around gracefully around her plump body. She was holding the handle of the tote bag over her shoulder like a lifeline, her chubby fingers losing circulation. When she managed to give up her safety blanket, for Bucky's relief since he was almost prying her fingers off of the fabric and massaging her hand so the blood flow could return to it, he saw some mushrooms embroidered on it with the saying "FUNGUY" over them. Bucky's heart melted and he wanted to smile even wider. She was wearing black sneakers and a glint in her eyes. Bucky didn't think he'd go to Heaven after the lives he had, but in that moment he was glad that he got that little free sample to hold on to.

"I'm not the one in a couple here, Funny Pants. Now if you'll excuse me", Uncle Gus said as he started wheeling his way to the door.

"Where you going?", she said, and Bucky tried and failed to hold a smile when he looked at her, her brows scrunched up and her hands on her round hips, smiling slightly like someone that was trying to scold a child that said something funny but wildly inappropriate.

"Uh, getting jello, complaining, old man things. Don't wait for me", he said. He held up until he was out of sight but her and Bucky could hear his boisterous laughter after he turned the corner.

-

You were suddenly aware of everything. How you were standing, looking, breathing. Oh God, you should've contoured. What would he think of your dirty sneakers? You felt like you did when you were younger, and your friend tried to set you up with a boy she all but begged to give you your first kiss out of pity. It took an herculean amount of strength to hold your act.

'I can do it, I can do it, I can do it', you mentally repeated your mantra as you lifted your chin to look up at his blue eyes.

'Fuck, I can't do it', you thought as you subtly tried to scan his face with your eyes, and seeing his goofy smile and dimpled chin, you couldn't help but smile too, even if your body felt uncomfortably hot besides the block of ice that was your chest and stomach.

-

Bucky wanted to hop on his bike, ride all the way to Stark's go back in time and smack himself on the back of the head, even if it caused the universe to collapse or whatever Banner said. Not even flowers? Nothing? After being gone for so long? God, he was rusty.

'Come on, Barnes. You've been through it. Like riding a bike, turn on the charm, think of something. Something besides her standing right in front of you...'

"So... Funny Pants, eh?", he said with a wide smile. He would remember this.

"Don't you dare!", she said with that cute frown again, her lips were in a pout before cracking up and laughing loudly, and Bucky swears he's never wanted to kiss someone so bad.

And just like that, the ice was broken between the two again.

"He calls me Funny Pants since I was a kid. There's a story behind it, actually", she said.

"Yeah? Tell me about it", he said, stepping slightly closer. She smiled. Shyly this time, romantic. She was blushing. Bucky wanted to see just how much he could make her blush.

"I was a very comedic child and so my life decided to bump up the awkwardness to go with it", they chuckled in unison. "Me and Uncle Gus used to tell knock knock jokes to each other all the time. And one day at school I was trading stickers with my friends and when I got home he was there. So, I told him a knock knock joke. And then when I turned around somehow I had a glittery butterfly on my butt. So he started to call me Funny Pants", she said. Bucky wanted really hard to be charming, but he was laughing until his face turned red and he was holding his side at the absolutely adorable image of an even smaller you, with a sparkly butterfly stuck on your butt, hands on your hips and cute frown like you had earlier when Gus teased you.

"Oh, I bet it was so cute", he said, finally calming down and evening out his breathing.

-

You could remember the relentless teasing that followed you for a long time after. Your smile faltered a bit, but it came back as soon as you saw how much Bucky was laughing. You remembered why you started comedy. Yes, at first it was a way of - sometimes quite literally- beating your bullies to the punch and pointing out your insecurities before they could. Sometimes if you made them laugh before lunch time they would even let you got back to the classroom unscathed. It was such a bittersweet feeling.

You loved making people laugh, make them happy. But you couldn't forget that the start of it all was simply broadcasting the mean comments that plagued your mind in a comedic way, making an absolute fool of yourself to an audience of tormentors so they could maybe leave you alone for a few days, just time enough so you could come up with a new routine.

But that was no more. That was past. You were pretty, lovable, worthy of good things, and no worse than anyone else. Even if you had to remind yourself of it sometimes.

"Nah, I was pissed. It was useless, I had wings on my butt and STILL had to walk home? Absurd", you said in mocking indignation, huffing out a breath and making Bucky beam with laughter again.

-

Bucky laughed more and more after coming to Delacroix and going to therapy. But he couldn't remember the last time he laughed this hard. Probably the last time he saw you.

After you two stopped chuckling, you fell into a comfortable silence, taking each other in. Time stood still between you, it could've been a minute, a thousand years, a millisecond, an eternity. Usually both Bucky and you would feel insecure with feeling looked at, although one didn't know this about the other yet. But that wasn't the case. Your gaze felt like a caress across his skin, he could almost feel it. The playfulness was gone from your eyes but you didn't look mad or unhappy, you looked serene. Soft. He wanted to lift his hand and touch you. Slowly, carefully, like one would handle a flower as to not damage its petals. That's exactly how he saw you. A flower. So beautiful, you just started blooming before his eyes and he would handle you with utmost care. His Ma had raised him right, after all.

-

While all that Bucky felt was soft airy warmth, like the breeze that although hot, managed to refresh your sweaty face at a lazy summer evening, you felt hot. Like lightning, like molten lava. It was sultry but careful. Under the smoldering gaze of Bucky, you felt seen but not scrutinized. Pretty and sexy, but not objectified. You felt as if his beautiful blue eyes were seeing your soul. Raw and unfiltered, way more than just the class clown schtick you showed the world. You wondered for a moment if that's what sailors felt before jumping in the ocean at the becoming call of a mermaid. If that's what passion felt like. You wouldn't know, but if it was this, now you understood what everyone was raving about. You had been with others, but Bucky managed to bend your body at his will without even touching you. You blushed at the thought of him touching you, your shyness powerful enough to be able to break free of his spell for a second to drag over his black and gold arm, somewhere in the back of your mind your rational self managed to squeak out a note of pride at him for not hiding it before your mind was overcome with the feeling of being bared to someone in the best way possible, paralyzing you to stare at your dirty pair of Converse sneakers. It was a spell.

-

"Hey, you asked her out yet?", a loud voice managed to break the spell between you. You looked like a dear in headlights, eyes wide and cheeks warm and flushed. Bucky looked annoyed at the door.

"Sam!", he gritted out.

"Uh... I'm sorry, sorry", he said, slowly backing away with his hands raised in surrender, his neck shrinking into his shoulders in a way it would've made you laugh and make some kind of pigeon joke if you weren't so awestruck.

"I'm late for the community garden duty before my performance", you managed to stutter.

"Probably, yeah", he said, and you couldn't help but look at his stubble covered Adam's apple as he tried to swallow down the knot of anxiety on his throat.

"That was Captain America", you weakly pointed at the door.

"Yes, and he is an idiot", he said, annoyed. But it didn't last. He couldn't be annoyed near you for long.

"He said you were going to ask me out", you whispered. Was this a dream? It was, wasn't it?

"I was", he mumbled, eyes wide as saucers boring into yours.

"Was? Not going to anymore?", you whispered, your hand dropped to your side but still with your pointer finger out.

"I am going to", a beat of silence. "Uh, right now, going to right now", he said. "Would you go out with me? To dinner?", he said.

"Yes", you breathed out. Unknown to both of you, Sam and Gus were in the other room laughing at your school-like crush antics. Bucky's memory flashed to what Sam told him earlier, "You're whipped, man".

God, Bucky really hated when Sam was right. Most of the time.

-

taglist: thank you so much for the patience and support! i really hope you enjoyed it!

@divine-mistake @rosaline-black @luc-ale @alyssatjuhhh

[buffymilkovich]

Kenny 😭 you know what time it is 😭 While this ramble might be short, it is still a very passionate one.

This chapter literally broke my heart for mickey 😭💔

Like I knew this was going to get angsty but not that much!! jkjk I'd love to torture myself as long there is a promised happy ending to get to.

I knew the kiss would stir up some drama but I was SO underprepared for what was about to come forth.

And the flashbacks oh. my. god. 😭😭

At this point can we let petrobitch d**? I'd be happy to help if you need some research on what methods would be ahem...suitable.

At least I'm glad that this time Mickey's not going through it alone and he'll have his bf and best friends to help him through it.

This was a great though heartbreaking chapter from you guys AGAIN, you're literally smashing it in the college au department. Also, I love that you guys added jealous!mickey 😌 is there a jealous!Ian too??👀👀

(p.s would petrovich know about nelkins as well??)

also if you saw another ask from me...now you didn't 🤫

okay AJ so the crazy thing about this is i fully replied to this in my brain and then just checked my inbox and uhhhhhhh 😅😅😅 SO IM SORRY FOR THE DELAY!!!!

this definitely wasn’t a fun one to write. poor mickey 💔 i legit can’t talk about the flashbacks of lil baby mickey being told who he was was disgusting like it makes me SO EMO

petrobitch dying is on my wishlist honestly i’m bullying ness so hard to let us do it. we will see 😈 at the very least he’s gonna get some shit handed to him

and yes mickey is surrounded by so much love and support, he’s gonna get through this just fine 🤕♥️

petrovich knows a lot of things. does he know about nelkins???? time will tell 😌

thank you as always for reading and for your delightful message i adore you to the ends of the earth!!! ♥️♥️

[simplyyeol]

back then (when we used to)

—pairing; byun baekhyun x reader

—genre; fluff, college! au, childhood friends to nobodies to lovers! au lmao

—tws; swearing

—word count; 16.439 (whew)

—synopsis; when push comes to shove, and baekhyun suddenly appears in your life again taking your heart as he walked along the road beside you, you wonder if you really could have a happily ever after, with him, just like back then, when you used to.

—author’s note; hi guys! it’s me, cough, aj. you probably all forgot who i am right? well anyways! i made this after a long time of not writing since im on break. thank you all so much for the love you’ve given me so far. it means the world to me. i hope you love this one as much as my last work. thank you so much for supporting me !!11!11 (ugly cries)

“I mean, Baekhyun is cute and all, but I don’t know why you like like him that much if you haven’t even had a proper conversation with him,” Sehun explains as he takes a sip of his orange juice. “It seems kind of... farfetched, you know?” You roll your eyes as you take a bite of your sandwich. “Don’t be a drama queen.”

“I mean! Why don’t you like someone like...” he taps his chin in thought, fork stabbing through the lettuce leaves before he looks back to you, signature smirk in place. “Jongdae.”

You choke on the food.

“He’s pretty cute. And he’s really nice too. He’s even on the baseball team with Baekhyun and you guys seem to get along well. It’s a win-win situation.”

You shrug. “He’s cool, but he’s just a friend. And since when do you care about my love life?”

“Nonexistent love life,” he snarkily corrects and you stick your tongue at him.

“And you’re some best friend. Totally supporting me in my silent love affair.”

“I’m being realistic,” he defends, shrugging.

“And a horrible best friend,” you retort, grimly.

“Maybe you’re just going through this phase—” he starts.

“Okay, look,” you interject, dropping your sandwich on the table. “I have a crush on one of the star players of our college’s team. That just makes me one of the many of the girls fantasizing to be her. That’s all it is. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna throw myself at him and forget who I actually am or some stupid shit like that.” You narrow your eyes at him and pick up your sandwich. “Period.” And then you take a bite.

Sehun drops his fork in his bowl, the clatter ringing even through all the chatter in the cafe. “Wow, Y/N.”

“What?” you bark, bread in mouth, so it sounds more like ‘mwa.’ Even if Sehun is monotone in basically everything that comes out of his stupid mouth, you can hear the smirk.

He shakes his head. “Nevermind. But... since we’re already on this road. You know Park Chanyeol.”

You nod and swallow. “Yeah. Why?”

“Well, he gave me two tickets to his game since Mina and I were gonna go, but you know...” he trailed off and you look at him. He just broke up again with Mina. His now ex. They have an on and off relationship. You don’t really get it.

“I dunno,” you say, eyes flitting from the table to his face. You didn’t want him to go alone, sure, but more often than not, when he takes you to these kind of things, he usually gets sidetracked and well, forgets about you.

“Oh, come on, I won’t leave you this time, I swear,” he says, fist slamming the table.

“Sehun,” you breathe, talking to him as if he was a child. “You said that last time for that basketball guy’s party. And do you remember what happened then?”

His eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. Apparently your best friend has horrible memory as well.

“You went home with Mina, asshole,” you spit. “And yes, you are my bestfriend and deserve the best romantic life, but you can’t just leave me. Jeez, you’re heartless, Sehun.”

“I won’t leave you this time,” he pleads once more, puppy eyes now in place, hands placed together under his chin. “Please, noona?”

You stick your tongue out at him and continue with your sandwich.

“Oh, come on, I want to go with my bestest friend in the world, and not anyone else. And we’ll have so much fun and I won’t even leave your side, or anything, and as a bonus! I will personally get you a jersey as an added bonus with a certain Byun printed on the back.”

Your eyes flicked to his for a split second at the sound of a certain man’s name.

“I can even arrange a chance at the after party for the two of us, so you can have some even more fun. There’s gonna be free drinks too!” he tries.

You raise an eyebrow at this offer.

“Free food, too!” he chimes.

“We’ll see,” is your final answer.

His straight posture is slumped at your answer, pout adorning his face as he dejectedly looked at his salad that was a part of his so-called, healthy diet, that he put together himself. His eyes flicked to yours as you took another bite of your BLT.

You waved it at him. “Want some?”

He looks back to his salad before dropping his fork and stretching his hand out. You hand the sandwich to him and he takes a few bites before giving it back to you.

The rest of lunch is spent in light banter, talk about classes and upcoming finals.

The two of you have been close since the start of college after there was a mix up in the dorm distribution and you ended up in the only co-ed dorm in college. With a playboy of course. You would think you’d somehow fall in love with him, but the boy being two years your dongsaeng, the spark was never there. He became a little brother figure who you could bully whenever he came over to you to gush about his new girlfriend at how pretty she is. It’s cute enough to pinch his cheeks like you were a distant relative who claimed to used to change Sehun’s diapers. He hated it, which is exactly why you loved it.

He doesn’t bring up the game until you see Byun Baekhyun walk through the cafe doors. You being the shy person that you are, immediately duck your head and finish the rest of your sandwich in one bite, and stand up announcing your departure to Sehun.

“What? I’m not finished yet, wait another minute. We’ll go together.”

“Uh, I actually forgot I’ve got to meet a friend before class starts,” you explain, twisting and untwisting your fingers, eyes locked on Baekhyun’s figure that was currently walking towards you and Sehun’s table, which was conveniently in front of the register. 

Sehun looks at you, nose scrunched then looking somewhere behind you, and then it dawned on him, your predicament. “Oh,” he breathes.

And Sehun being the asshole he is calls Byun Baekhyun over. You never wanted more for the ground to open up and swallow you whole than at this moment.

“Hey, Sehun, what’s up?” Baekhyun says, his honey voice rolling over you in waves. You couldn’t leave due to the iron grip Sehun had on your wrist, caging you and erasing all attempts of escape.

“Hey, hyung. I just needed an opinion. Do you know, Y/N?” Sehun nods to you and you freeze as Baekhyun finally sees you. You hold your breath, waiting for the answer on the tips of your toes even though you were the one who didn’t want it.

His eyes lock with yours and you see the warmth even standing nowhere close to him. You see the small mole on top of his lip, the bridge of his nose, the cherry pink of his lips and all you can think is how he hasn’t changed one bit. 

His eyes flit down to your wrist in Sehun’s hand and you quickly pull it away. Sehun doesn’t hold you back. And then he’s looking away as fast as he saw you, and you miss the warmth that he brought with just a look but you’re glad for the lack of his fierce gaze on you alone.

He hums. “Yeah, I know Y/N. We went to the same middle school but you probably already know that,” he states matter of factly. You purse your lips. Sehun didn’t know that.

Sehun’s jaw goes slack. “Wait, what?” He turns to you, eyes narrowed. “You never told me that!”

“Uhhh—” you dumbly respond as Baekhyun looks between the two of you.

“Right, I just wanted to know,” Sehun clears his throat, grasping Baekhyun’s attention once again, “if we could come to the party after the game?”

“Oh, you’re coming to the game?” He poses the question towards the both of you, but he only looks at you.

“Well, I’m going, but Y/N doesn’t know yet—”

“You should come,” Baekhyun states simply, looking into the depths of your soul. Your heart beats just the tiniest bit faster.

“I’ll see,” you mutter under your breath.

“Well, I’ll see you guys later then?” Baekhyun waves, the corner of his lips raised, and eyes sparkling in a way that only fits Baekhyun. 

Sehun’s arm falls on your shoulder as he rises to his full height, effectively breaking you out of the haze that Baekhyun put on you unknowingly. You scowl at him as you grab your backpack.

“How come you never told me this precious piece of information that came from Baekhyun himself. I’m so disappointed in you,” he remarks as you exit the cafe. You dare not look back.

You shrug, a small shiver running up your spine from the breeze. “It never came up.”

“Bullshit. This stuff is already supposed to be established in our,” he motions exasperatedly in the space between the two of you, “relationship.”

You snort. “I’m not dating you.”

“We’re best friends!”

“That we are,” you deadpan.

“Were you guys only classmates?” he inquires, shoving his hands in his pockets and blowing out a breath.

“If you’re asking if we dated, no. But we were friends, I guess.” 

An understatement but you don’t say.

Starting middle school in a whole new city was overwhelming to say the least. Having just moved to Seoul was already climbing in on itself over you. The whole car ride you refused to meet your parent’s eye on the trip to your new house. They pointed out famous landmarks and beautiful scenery of the ocean on the way, and yet, you refused, the stubborn 11-year old side of you coming out, as you blinked the tears away, never letting them fall.

And then came Baekhyun, a whirlwind of a boy, all smiling, eyes crescents, and hair a raven-colored ruffled. He flew into your life and you were grateful to him. He suddenly became a staple in your life but really you should’ve seen it coming sooner.

As fast as he entered, he left, and you didn’t like to think about whether it was your fault or his. One day, he stopped trying. Avoiding you, or maybe he just became too busy for you. He grew out of the pre-teen Baekhyun, a child in and of itself and became the popular teen Baekhyun who suddenly became the star of your junior high. You drifted apart, as Baekhyun entered the spotlight and you steered towards the sidelines, suddenly becoming a wallflower in Baekhyun’s life. And then you weren’t in it anymore. But you watched him grow up and everytime you passed him in the hallways in highschool and eventually college, a part of your heart clenched, happy that he was happy and sad because you couldn’t share that happiness with him.

Sehun saw the lingering glances, the almost spoken hello’s to the star player and deemed that you had a crush. He wasn’t wrong so you never corrected him.

“Earth to Y/N?” Sehun called, hand waving in front of your vision. You blinked, slowly turning over to him. “Blanked out there, for a little. You good?”

“Oh, um, yeah. Just thinking.”

“About a Byun Baekhyun?”

“Shut up,” you mumble and he snickers.

A few beats of silence pass as you walk side to side, shoulders brushing against each other.

“You’re not telling me something,” he says.

“No,” you respond.

“Yes,” he retorts.

“Whatever you say.”

“I’ll get it out of you, sometime. I already have a lead.”

“What? Are you Sherlock?” you tease, lips quirked.

He slides in front of you and you stop watching as he dumbly salutes, fingers all crooked. “Holmes, reporting for duty,” he announces.

You laugh and then he smiles. 

Most of the spots are filled when you enter the auditorium, a mess of hair, clothes and Y/N.

You spit out some of the hair caught in your mouth, which probably happened somewhere between where you left the pet store, your part-time job, in a hurry after seeing the time and from now, where you stood, just barely making it into class as the professor entered through the adjacent door . You got a little carried away with the new puppers that had just arrived and that was all your fault. Not that you regretted it, though.

The professor set up his laptop, plugging in wires and setting papers aside, that you really hoped weren’t of the test you took last week. You scrambled to your regular seat, right next to the TA, Kim Minseok’s desk, and next to Kim Jongdae. 

You dipped your head in greeting at Jongdae as you slipped past him to the seat and muttered your ‘hello’ to Minseok who waved you back.

“Please don’t tell me those are our tests from last week,” you say to absolutely no one. 

Jongdae, from beside you, hears this and turns to you. “Those are totally not our tests from last week.”

“Those are totally your tests from last week,” Minseok pipes from the other side of you. You swivel towards him, lips pursed, frown in place.

“Is it bad?” you ask, grimly.

“Can’t say,” he grins. 

“A hint?” you egg and Jongdae echoes your question.

Minseok shakes his head no and points towards the front just as the professor starts speaking. You melt into your seat, hoping that time would tick just the tiniest bit faster, if only to finish this hell you’re in.

45 minutes pass, not that you’re counting every second of it but you just happen to see after sneaking a glance at the clock hung on the opposite wall, when the professor finally announces the very dreadful thing that has you in a slump.

“And now for your tests!”

A series of groans echo your sentiments and you wait as he calls out the names of the other students, fists clenched, nails digging into the skin of your palm. He goes through a few people before stopping on the nervous human sitting right next to you.

“Kim Jongdae!” he calls and you give a pitiful look at Jongdae as he stands up to retrieve it. His face looks almost like a kicked puppy. The professor hands him the paper, says something, that you can’t hear (distance), or read (bad eyesight), but there’s a smile on his face. You sit at the edge of your seat waiting as Jongdae gets closer to you, his eyes lighting up as he reads the grade and when he comes to stand next to you, showing it to you, a cheshire-grin stretching across his lips.

Your jaw drops. “An A? That’s amazing!” He has his hand out towards yours and you high-five it, smiling for him. You sit back down waiting your turn, back straight, hairs raised.

“Y/N!” 

You get up, walking as fast as your legs could take you, grasping the paper with eager hands. The professor smiles and says that it was better than your last and then your walking back, not daring to peak at the letter.

“Did you see it?” Jongdae calls when you get back to your seat. 

You shake your head. “Can’t. You do it.”

You hand the paper to Jongdae and he chuckles leaning over. He faces the paper towards you, back slanting so he’s looking at it as well.

“A B!” you cry.

“An 89!” he exclaims.

“If you round up,” you start excitedly.

“An A!” he finishes.

“Yes!” you yell, fist pumping in the air and once again before exchanging another set of high-fives.

The two of you sit back at your seats ruffling through your tests exchanging answers for the questions you got wrong. The teacher rambles on about how well you all did this time, much better than the last. You paid it no attention, though, wincing as you saw another question you got wrong. You even remember studying about that one!

“Okay, students!” the teacher finally announces and you look up, setting the paper down on the table. “You’ll be doing a project—”

A series of groans cut him off.

“Now, now don’t be like that. It gets even better; you’ll be doing it in partners! The person next to you should do—oh! Would you look at the time? I better be off! Class dismissed!”

The screeching of chairs being pushed in, the mull of the chatter of students, and the scratching of pencils on paper fill the silence that the teacher brought and you stared at Jongdae, dumbfounded. And Jongdae stared at you.

“Is this real?” you breathed, voice ragged.

“I really hope not,” he answers back. “Maybe it's all just a dream.”

“More so a nightmare,” you remark.

Minseok snickers at the two of you. “Don’t be dramatic and get out of here, you two.”

You frown at Minseok as he shoots you out of the auditorium with the rest of the lingering students. You handle your bag, throwing it over your shoulder, carelessly, before turning to Jongdae who walked to your side with another classmate.

You wait for a gap in their conversation before pulling Jongdae away. “Do you have class right now?”

He shakes his head. “No, you?”

You mirror him, before cocking your thumb behind you, head tilted. “Library?”

“Better now than never,” he grins.

Jongdae steps off to the side when someone asks him something about plans on Friday night. You tell him you’ll save him a seat and wave before leaving, begrudgingly thinking about the fact that you wished to have plans on Friday night, ugh.

The library is vacant, spare the few students like you who thought to actually use it other than the librarian that no one ever sees. You tensely smile at a girl who you really can’t remember the name of but told her that one time in that one class after she made eye contact with you. A second later, though, no later, you looked away, wincing because if that wasn’t awkward. 

The tables in the library were settled in clusters if you make your way through the library, high shelves of the paperback on your left, and non-fiction on the right. It’s almost like a maze as you enter the space, and really it's no surprise, when you spot ten people. Max.

You take a seat at the nearest empty table, pulling out your textbook and your laptop. It only takes a minute for you to get sidetracked after you tap in your password the already open tab of Twitter pulling you in.

It wasn’t your fault really! The posts kept rolling in and sucking you deeper and when finally your throat felt parched and you took a sip of water, checking the time, still not seeing Jongdae, did you see half an hour had already passed.

“The fuck is the dude, doing?” you mutter under your breath, opening a seperate tab for your email. The chair across from you screeches and you think, finally, before your eyes land on the person currently sat across from you.

His hair was ruffled and the tip of his nose and cheeks were blushing red, as if he ran. And it wasn’t Jongdae.

“Oh,” he mumbles, more to himself. “Y/N.” A deep breath then, “hey.”

“Oh, um, Baekhyun. Hi,” you dumbly respond, stomach flipping at the sight of him. Your tongue had the sudden urge to fail you at the moment, barely making the cut.

“Sorry, to, um, bother your studying,” he starts, eyes flickering to your open screen which displayed the email log-in page. Thank god he did not see your Twitter account. Maybe you would have actually died. “But, uh, I’ll just sit here for a few minutes and then leave.”

The way he’s fidgeting in his seat makes it seem like he’s trying to avoid someone. “Oh, okay. That’s, um, fine?”

His eyes narrow at you as you purse your lips. Awkward. You are very awkward and you know that. You shuffle in your seat when he looks away and chuckles silently. “Thanks,” he says.

A few beats pass before you deem it awkward enough to drag your laptop closer to you, and look through the few emails that were unread in your inbox. Okay, lie. You weren’t actually reading. It was more so that your eyes skimmed over the same from email at fifteen times, your brain not registering the contact.

Baekhyun apparently decided to break the ice, starting with a deep breath. “So, what class are you working for?”

“Um, microbiology. I’ve got this partner essay and decided to get started on it,” you explain, biting your lip from a nervousness that you’re not sure the cause of.

“Partner?” he asks.

“Yeah... partner,” you repeat, thinking that he needed clarification.

“Oh, are you waiting for them?”

You nod. “He was literally right behind me too, jeez, what is he doing?” you ramble, picking up your phone and searching for Jongdae’s contacts.

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything else as you type a text to a certain essay partner.

jongdae!!!!

You set the phone back down on the table and sneak a peek at Baekhyun who looks, even at a first glance, stressed. Eye circles ring underneath his eyes, the hint of purple tinting his fair skin. His eyes look puffy, like he just took a nap, even though it's the middle of the day, and your heart clenches at the thought that he doesn’t get enough sleep. You notice the way his fingers drum silently along the table, his teeth worrying his chapped lips, like he’s always doing that. Maybe a habit...?

“Are you... okay?” The question comes tumbling out of your mouth in a hushed whisper, like some dirty secret that can’t be revealed. Your eyes rake over him with worry as he looks at you like a deer caught in the headlights.

He’s wary, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly as he forms an answer. “What do you mean?” he finally responds. Answering a question with a question. 

“You look tired,” you point, motioning to the undersides of his eyes. 

He winces, hands fisted as he rubs his eyes, laughing half-heartedly. “It’s nothing. Just got a big game to prep for—speaking of,” and then his eyes turn to you, determined, fiery, fist placed on the table and any sign of tiredness in his eyes vanished. “Are you going to come to the game?”

“Uh—”

“You’re going to the game?” 

Your head whips towards the side as Jongdae strolls in to the area, nonchalant. You take your pen and whip it at him with all the aim you could muster at such a short notice.

“I’m sorry!” he yells as he catches the pen and holds it to his heart before gently setting it down on the table a distance away from your hand.

“Thirty minutes,” you huff, as Jongdae takes a seat beside you. His attention turns toward Baekhyun who looks between the two of you. You can’t tell what the furrow of his brows or the scrunch of his nose conveys.

Jongdae ignores your complaint and addresses Baekhyun. You turn away pointedly, hands crossed over your chest, lip slightly jutted. 

“What are you doing in the library, Baekhyun?” Jongdae questions.

“Um, just, you know, talking to Y/N—”

“Is that Eunha?” Jongdae interjects, leaning over the table, jaw dropped.

“Who?” you ask, curious.

“Yeah, who?” Baekhyun repeats, feigning innocence. You see the way, he blinks at Jongdae owlishly, and his straight posture.

“Your ex-girlfriend, Eunha! Is that why—”

Baekhyun’s over at Jongdae’s side in an instant, hand clamping over the blabbermouth’s mouth, looking around the library maniacally to see if anyone overheard. You choke, not sure what to feel about the new information, but when she leaves out of view, you figure it's her since she is the only one there that wasn’t there a moment ago. You look towards the two idiots at your side.

And if that wasn’t any worse, Eunha suddenly reappeared again right in front of you three. And she looked Baekhyun up and down, and then it was Jongdae. And lastly you.

With her sleek black hair sectioned off into braids, her makeup flawless, and her clothes without a single crinkle in them, you envied her from head to toe.

“Baekhyun what are you doing? Really? Running away?” She gives Baekhyun an incredulous look as he retracts his hand from Jongdae’s mouth, sheepish look pasted on his face. 

“Um, actually—” he starts.

“Seriously, I just wanted to talk. I won’t bite,” she promises taking a step closer. You see Baekhyun’s eyes flit to anywhere but Eunha, and then you see him take a step closer to Jongdae, his hand suddenly coming down onto Jongdae’s shoulder. Hard.

“I’m dating Jongdae!” 

Eunha’s jaw drops open, you choke on air, Jongdae shrieks and falls out of his chair, and Baekhyun colors a scarlet in the next few moments as crickets chirp through the library.

“What?” Eunha breathes, looking as if she just got slapped in the face. And in this case, you felt that it would have been a better situation. “You’re dating—” she stopped mid-sentence, closing her eyes, straightening her back, and taking a long, deep breath. “Jongdae? Is he lying?”

You watch as Baekhyun pinches Jongdae’s back as he opens his mouth, and proceeds to say the words that you are just dying to hear with some popcorn in hand. “Uh... no.”

Eunha’s eyes are almost about to fall out her head as she looks between the two of them. Baekhyun laughs a small laugh, pressing his index finger to his lips, and shushing Eunha. She barks a laugh, hikes her bag up her shoulder, and stomps out of the clearing.

Jongdae’s chair is thrown to the side courtesy his legs as he stands, towering over Baekhyun. “What the fuck—” 

Baekhyun claps his hands together in front of his face, eyes clenched together. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise!” he squeaks.

“I should’ve just let you suffer—”

“—and I am so, so grateful you didn’t—”

“—in pain. Why the hell do I—”

“Coffee, for a month?” Baekhyun pleads.

Jongdae narrows his eyes at Baekhyun. “Two.”

“One and a half?”

“One and three weeks.”

“Okay, okay,” he surrenders, plopping into the chair next to you before turning to meet your eyes. “I am so dead.”

You smile. “I didn’t know you were gay.”

“Y/N!” he whines. “You know what? I am leaving, I have had way too much drama for today, and I feel my wrinkles popping out, god dammit.”

He walks away from the table as you erupt into snickers and Jongdae hollers an ‘8:45 AM sharp!’ after him.

“Don’t be late! I have class first thing and need my supply!”

Baekhyun doesn’t turn around, opting to flip off Jongdae, back still turned. Jongdae swears at him, and you laugh even harder.

What you don’t see is the small smile gracing Baekhyun’s lips as he exits the library doors, a little skip in his step.

Having to take an advanced sociology class for your major made absolutely no sense other than the fact that the people, whoever they were, that assigned the classes, were absolute idiots. You would know since you’re always surrounded by them.

The class ran for two terms but you only needed one, joining in at the beginning of the second this year. Everyone already had managed to find a place to sit, some people to work with, and a nice view of the screen in front of the room. You just wedged into some seats with some of the more friendlier looking girls and somehow managed to blend in to the wall, only needing a passing grade for this class.

You didn’t know many people in this class, but you at least recognized their faces. And that guy sitting at your desk with the suspicious looking hood was not one of them. You stood a few feet away from him, wondering if you should demand your seat back or just sit next to him. Or in front. 

But that’s your seat.

Well. Your inability to communicate with people caught up to you and you took a seat right next to him.

It wasn’t until the end of class that you figured out who he was. You could hear a faint purr from the hooded boy next to you, his pencil strewn next to his head that was lain on the table carelessly. A string of drool marked the paper and you chuckled. But you couldn’t judge. That would be you today if it weren’t for the fact he was giving apparently important information from the girl on your right.

You pondered on the thought if you should just leave him, but if class had finished while you were sleeping you would want someone to wake you up. What if he had a class after this?

You drew closer to him and tapped his shoulder. “Hey. Wake up. Class is over.”

The boy groaned, shifted in his seat the tiniest bit, and continued sleeping. You tapped him a bit harder this time. “Hey. Hey. Wake up.” 

You checked the time on your phone, before placing it back on the table. Taking your time, you placed your notebook back in your bag and zipped it up before tossing a look back to the boy. Still sleeping. The pencil and pen in your bag as well. Another look. Not even a little.

Boy, was this kid tired.

You tried again, and again, with even more force and smiled when the guy stirred, blinking his eyes, movements hazy. He smacked his lips a few times before finally moving his head up and locking eyes with you.

“Baekhyun?”

“Y/N?”

“You take this class?” you both said in unison.

A look passed between the two of you, as you blinked and he started giggling with you following shortly after.

“I take this class, but I’m pretty sure you don’t,” you finally say, smile placed on your lips.

“I owed my friend one and filled in for the day to take some notes.”

You snickered before motioning to the side of your face, your fingers ghosting your skin. “You have drool here.”

“What?” he squawks, hands wiping the opposite side of his face. 

You shake your head. “Other side.”

He pulls the sleeve of his hoodie up and finding the drool, quickly wiping it off before embarrassingly pulling his hoodie on his head tighter.

“What’s with the get up?” you question, as Baekhyun grabs his notebook and you grab your backpack, both walking towards the door. 

A group of students brush passed you and you notice how Baekhyun makes sure to duck his head down as he whispers to you. “You didn’t hear...?”

“Hear what? you whisper back.

He pouts at you and you shrug. “The rumors?” he tries again.

You filter through any gossip Sehun might’ve told you about in the past few days and come up blank. “Nothing,” you state.

He groans, hand coming up to slide down his face. “Come on, man. The rumors?” he harshly whispers, face turned towards you whilst walking, hands outstretched at his sides, and eyes blown out. 

You suck in a harsh breath as he comes closer to your face, and that weird feeling in your chest blooms again. Almost like an eruption of lava, but more lowkey. A good volcanic eruption.

“Me being gay?”

He pulls back when he sees your lips pursed, smile begging to be released. “Oh, from when—”

“Oh my god,” he groans, walking faster in front of you.

“Okay, okay, sorry, I won’t laugh!” you exclaim, speeding up your pace and walking next to him. He took a look at the twinkle in your eyes and the smile playing on your lips and huffs before looking away. Drama queen.

“Seriously!” you repeat again. “Okay, wait, wait, slow down a little.”

He begrudgingly complies, hands now folded over his chest as you swing your backpack to your front and bring out your notebook. You zip it up and he sneaks a glance before voicing his curiosity. “What’s that for?”

You shoot him a smile. “Your favor?”

His eyes widen. “Oh shit! I fell asleep!”

“That you did, but I take pity and give you this.”

You hand him the notebook and he takes it, hand almost brushing yours but you can’t tell from how fast its gone even though the aftermath leaves your heart beating a mile a minute. You don’t even notice.

“You are an angel,” he breathes and sends you the most breathtaking smile that you think he could ever send you.

“Your welcome,” you state, voice soft.

“Thank you,” he says back. 

You continue walking, where? You don’t know. But you move closer to him as he opens the notebook and you show him the pages that you wrote down today. You stop at a small bench on the side of the hallway where Baekhyun sets it down and takes pictures of the pages.

He slides his glasses up when they fall off his nose, before tapping the screen to make sure that its readable. You watch to the side as he ruffles through the pages make sure he got everything. His bangs falling over his eyes, and he shakes his head, the hair stubbornly staying put.

“Baekhyun!” someone calls from the side. You look over and recognize him to be from the baseball team. You forgot his name, though. Something starting with Jong but you weren’t sure. He jogs over to Baekhyun, talking about a late baseball practice and where the hell he’s been.

Baekhyun looked sheepish as Jong-something scolds him, calling him hyung and you can’t help but smile at the interaction. 

“Oh right, that reminds me!” Baekhyun turns towards you suddenly and you feel warm under his and Jong-something’s (Jongin? Is that his name?) gaze. “Are you still not sure about the game?”

You inhale, looking at the way, Baekhyun pulls out his lower lip just the slightest and how it looks adorable (you’re cringing on the inside at your thoughts) on him. “Uh... yeah. Still don’t know,” you mutter.

“Well,” Baekhyun says, looking straight at you and placing his hand on your shoulder, “I hope you come.” 

And then he sends you a smile and you feel your heart strings tugging at each other as he turns around, jogging to the rest of the team. Jongdae shoots you a small smile when he sees you and you wave back but then he’s gone.

It’s not until a good twenty minutes later do you remember that Baekhyun didn’t give you your notebook. You rushed back to the bench where you saw it last. It wasn’t there also.

Well, shit. You’re screwed for that test next week.

hey, this is Y/N. i don’t have your number so i’m texting you though sehun’s. 

You read over the text and groan. Why would he care if you have his number or not—of course you don’t. Delete.

uhhh, anyways, do you still have that notebook you took pictures of? I can't remember if I took it back or not haha

‘uhhh, anyways’ is too awkward, dammit. Delete that as well.

hey this is Y/N. do you still have my notebook you took pictures of? I can't remember if I took it back or not haha

Okay, okay. Not bad, straight to the point. A little laugh in the end to ease the awkwardness. Hit send, Y/N, before you freak out even more. You press the blue button and thrust the phone back into Sehun’s hand before diving into your pasta. Nothing like food to hit your biggest worries.

“You’re such a coward, worrying about texting him,” Sehun snarks, tapping on the screen.

You glare at him, mouth stuffed, and he glances a look at you, smirking at your appearance. “Ass,” you mutter.

“That’s me.” 

The door to the cafe jingles open and it's almost like a fairy tale when your eyes dart to the customer in the almost empty restaurant, with you sitting directly in sight of the door, and lock eyes with Baekhyun.

“Oh, Y/N! Sehun!” he exclaims, waving at the two of you with his signature smile, fingers straight as a stick, gaps wide between them in that weird way he waves at people (he still makes it cute).

You smile a small smile, and Sehun gives a weird ass cool nod that Baekhyun takes a greeting does a weird nod back. He pulls a chair from the empty table next to you, dropping the bag and sitting in the middle, your left, Sehun’s right. His side profile was astonishing.

You looked back to your food, taking another bite, as they engaged in baseball talk, wallowing about whether or not you should bring up the elephant in your room.

Thankfully, Baekhyun, ever the one with many gifts from God, looks towards you abruptly, slamming his hand on the table. You flinch, eyes startled to his, wide in shock, almost mirroring his.

He chuckles and you clamp your lips and relax your posture, eyes drifting away. Well, that’s embarrassing.

“Sorry,” he snickers. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“She’s a coward. She’s always scared,” Sehun interjects.

“No one asked you,” you retort, throwing the closest object to you (a napkin) hoping it would hit him straight in the eye (it didn’t; it floated to a stop in the middle of the table).

“Anyways, your notebook. It’s in my locker, I totally forgot to give it back, my bad.” His hand comes up to unconsciously rub at the back of his neck and you inwardly coo at the small pout on his—no! ”If you want, we can go now to the lockers since I have practice. Do you have a class?”

Your mind went blank for some strange reason and the only thing that came out was an “uh...”

Sehun, the sometimes-angel he is, saves you and you are so very grateful. “She doesn’t.”

Baekhyun looks between you and Sehun, an unrecognizable expression on his face, before his lips turn into a smile. “Great!”

He makes small talk while you finish your food, helping Sehun occasionally on the essay he was pumping out. He leaned over Sehun’s shoulder, his glasses slipping down his nose, and his eyebrows scrunched as they glazed over the screen. He’d gotten annoyed from his bangs that he clipped them up exposing his forehead, and—oh god, what is wrong with you.

“Okay!” you announce,  a little too high pitched and chair screeching back at a screech that resonated through the empty shop. You freeze, coughing awkwardly when Baekhyun looks up at you through his circle lenses and Sehun snickers in the back. You chuckle, smile tense, before grabbing your backpack in light speed, fixing your jacket.

You cock your finger back towards the door, and tilt your head. “Sehun are you coming? Let’s go.” Your heart pounds—probably because you made a fool of yourself. Sehun shrugs before packing his stuff, Baekhyun following.

Sehun and Baekhyun, with their longer legs and faster pace, strode in front of you on the too thin sidewalk. You lingered behind sometimes joining in on the conversation but you felt as if you’d interrupt them with all the sporty jock language they were using.

You just decided to stare at Baekhyun. And admire. And daydream about what it would be like to marry and have tiny babies together. But at the moment. Admire.

Even the back of his head was adorable, added to the fact he was wearing the team’s hat and hoodie combined. Really, whoever designed them was genius. Baekhyun looks absolutely swallowed, only the tips of his fingers peeking out from the sweater paws.

“Y/N? Earth to Y/N?” Sehun knocks on your head, and your eyes immediately snap towards his the moment Baekhyun’s eyes meet yours. “Is the back of his head that fascinating?”

“Wh-what? No, what the—” you end up smacking Sehun feeling the nape of your neck warming up and letting your hair curtain over your face on the side that Baekhyun faced towards you.

“Woah, there, no need to get violent, I was just joking,” he intonates the last word, a smirk voiced and you glare up at him hoping your message traveled light years fast. You take back what you said about him being a sometimes-angel. He’s the devil reincarnate.

Baekhyun laughed his small cute laugh like ’hahaha’ and said something about zoning out. You nodded dumbly and continued to trail along with him.

“As I was saying...” Sehun says, hand waving in the air nonchalantly, “Y/N’s just using me as an excuse for leaving her at the game because she’s probably just embarrassed that she doesn’t want to miss the new episode of Extraordinary You—ow! What was that for?”

You smile up at him, lips pursed, words venomous, “what?”

He looks away, pouting muttering how you’re a big fat meanie. Baby.

“Oh Extraordinary You is so good. Are you caught up with all the episodes? I haven’t had time to watch the last two,” Baekhyun comments and your neck snaps as you look up at him.

“Oh, uh...” with the thought that he didn’t find it embarrassing that you spend your free time watching romantic dramas that could never actually happen in real life, you spoke up. “I’m caught up.” You still mentally threw Sehun into the pits of hell where he belonged.

Sehun snorts as Baekhyun hums.

A curious smile peaks over the edges of Baekhyun’s lips as he looks at Sehun. “Why... is it weird or something?”

“No, just, she thinks that she’s uncool to watch dramas twenty-four seven—mmmph—what are you—!”

Your hand stays at Sehun’s side as you smile at Baekhyun. “Just ignore him. He spouts bullshit twenty-four seven,” you give a pointed look towards Sehun at the end. 

Baekhyun laughs. “Okay, then.” 

“He spouts bullshit twenty-four seven,” Sehun imitates, voice pitches higher.

“I don’t talk like that!”

The walk to the locker rooms aren’t too far, just outside the school campus. It’s only a 10-minute walk from the food court area and you’re there in no time. 

Luhan from the baseball team, which you know of from how much he frequents your apartment to hang out with Sehun, stole the younger boy, stating that they’d be back in a minute after stepping out of the locker rooms. You sat on the bench in the middle of the locker rooms while Baekhyun shuffled through his lockers that was packed to the brim.

“I’m not usually this messy,” Baekhyun mumbles as he takes out another bundle of what looks like an old sport jacket. “I’ve just been really busy these days,” he adds.

“It’s fine, take your time,” you commented, twiddling your fingers.

A few boys stepped in to the locker room, and you looked up briefly recognizing their faces but not their names. 

“Oh, Baekhyun?” one of them called. “You brought a girl into the locker rooms? You never did that with anyone, even Eunha.” The two at his sides snickered and you watched as Baekhyun’s ears turned red at the implications.

“It’s not like that,” Baekhyun barked as he continued ruffling through his lockers. “They’re idiots, don’t listen to them.”

You chuckle softly. “Okay.”

“Found it!” he grins, spinning it around and holding it out towards you.

“Oh, cool, thanks,” you state, taking the book from him.

“Yeah, but I should be telling you that,” he chuckles. “Why do you use a notebook anyway? Laptops are a thing, you know?”

“Yeah, but I like writing the stuff. It helps me remember everything,” you say, stuffing the notebook into your bag.

Baekhyun hums. “Good point, but the hand cramps are so not worth it.”

You shrug it off. “Whatever, Byun.”

“Hey, Baekhyun! Practice is starting. Your girlfriend can stay if she wants, I already asked coach,” one of the boys called.

Your face warms up at the title, and you’re meek ‘I’m not his girlfriend’ is muted by the raucous of the other boys coming in. Baekhyun sends you a shy smile and shakes his head. “Again, idiots, but you can stay if you want.”

“No, it’s alright,” you breathe, “I have class anyways, so it’s time I go. Can you remind Sehun to buy dinner, and say no chicken, please?”

“Yeah, sure. Isn’t his phone broken or something like that?”

“He’s an idiot also.”

“Looks like everyone on this team is an idiot.”

You hum, thinking over the words, one thought shining brightly in the midst of all the others.

The next thing you say is totally uncalled for and if you were in a less delirious state and not around Byun Baekhyun, it would’ve never escaped your mouth. “You’re not, though. That’s why I l love—”

Baekhyun suddenly frowns and your heart drops. You idiot! Why would you say something like that? What if he—shit. You totally messed up. The whole getting to know him, shit, shit, shit. You totally messed up. He doesn’t have time to respond as one of the boys steals him, shoveling him out of the room, throwing you a beaming smile in compensation. You can’t seem to reciprocate.

The locker room is awfully quiet, now.

It has been exactly one day since you spilled your mouth in front of Baekhyun and it has been exactly one day since you have regretted saying that. You saw him this morning, at the coffee shop down the street. He was just minding his own business, looking through his phone while taking a few sips of his drink here and there when you accidentally bumped into him. Nothing precarious happened, like you fell into his arms or his coffee spilled all over your shirt and he let you wear his spare.

No. You blushed as red as a tomato and stuttered a sorry, before scurrying off like a mouse at the stony gaze pointed directly at you.

Why did you even open your mouth and say something stupid like that? You weren’t an idiot. You knew what was implied with those words, and yet you had to go and say it. You probably ruined the friendship you had slowly progressed with Baekhyun, too. What a stupid person you are.

You walked in to the microbiology class with a huff, no regular coffee in hand as you were far too flummoxed after the run-in with Baekhyun to go back into the cafe. Jongdae had noticed something was off and shared a look with Minseok. The TA shrugged. 

You made a small burrow surrounding yourself with first, your books, second, your water bottle, and third, your bag, making a small barrier that you wished would shield you from all the remorse you felt upon yourself. Once the professor had walked in and started the presentation, you pride yourself from behind the wall. 

Your motions were robotic as you copied important things from the presentation, highlighted key concepts in your textbook, and answered questions prompted by the professor. But it was as if your mind and body were separate and your soul was nowhere to be found.

At the end of class, the professor had called you and Jongdae up, mentioning something about the project. 

You forlornly walked up beside Jongdae, the scuffling of your feet earning another worried stare from the boy.

“Y/N, Jongdae, I just wanted to note that since there’s a new student in the class, and an odd number of people, I would like for him to work with you,” the professor explains.

You nod numbly. Jongdae questions as to who. 

“Oh, he actually attend today’s class, I told him to meet me as well… oh, there he is!”

You felt someone sidle next to you and Jongdae shifted to look towards him. “Oh, Baekhyun!”

Your head snapped towards the side, and true to his words, Baekhyun stood to your side, not bothering you a glance. He smiled at Jongdae then at the professor, thanking him.

Jongdae glanced to you, your mouth agape. “Y/N, do you want to come with us?”

“H-huh?” you stutter as you look towards Jongdae. “Sorry, zoned out.”

“Yeah… uh, do you want to come with us for lunch? We’re having pizza,” Jongdae reiterates.

Your eyes flicker towards Baekhyun and sure enough, the cold stare from this morning and the last time you saw him were still there. 

“No, I’m fine. Thank you, though,” you say, lips pulled in a tight smile. 

“Oh, okay, then. See ya!” Jongdae grins, before turning towards Baekhyun who still stared at you. He nudged Baekhyun’s side. “Let’s go, then.”

His eyes are clouded as he looks at you. You can’t tell what he’s thinking and it makes your skin tingle from all the attention. He finally pulls them away from you and you let out the breath you were unknowingly holding. “Yeah, let’s go.”

What an idiot you are.

The smell of meat filled the room packed to the brim with college students. Baekhyun sat stuck in the middle of Chanyeol and Jongdae and was somehow appointed to the meat as he got the lowest runs during practice. The room was far too hot, even for Baekhyun and he grabbed the air conditioner remote, setting it at the coolest. The boys burst into raucous laughter at a story that Junmyeon was recalling but Baekhyun couldn’t find it in himself to laugh. He merely blinked as he flipped another piece of samgyeopsal.

His thoughts were running all over the place, like a hurricane. But it was all trained on you. 

Like that one time when he’d been coming from his class, he’d somehow spotted you in the midst of the crowd. You yawned, pulling down the hood covering your face and he had to hold back a snort at the way your flyaways stuck up filled with static energy. He started walking towards you, wanting to pet down the hairs but he stopped midway. Why would he want to do that? And he stood there like a fool, in the middle of the courtyard staring as you walked away from him.

He’d seen you so many other times and each time you drew him in to you and he didn’t know what was happening. Why his heart sped up at the sight of you so much, as if it were about to burst out of his chest. Why he had the urge to hug the living daylights out of you at the sight of you, as if you were his lover and he was yours. Why he blushed whenever you complimented him like a lovesick teenage boy. 

The not an idiot thing was the last straw. And what followed scared him to the deepest parts of his soul. You couldn’t just go around telling people those kinds of things with that much sincerity and stupid sparkle like you held the sun, stars, and meteorites in your eyes. It made him realize something. This whatever he felt, was different. 

It felt like how he used to feel back when he would consider you his best friend in the skip of a beat if anyone asked. It felt like that, but even more. And it scared him.

It was different from anything he felt when he was with any one of his past girlfriends. It was similar but far too different to even be compared. It was much more than that.

Was it friendship? Was it attraction? Could it maybe be… love?

Chanyeol knocked his elbow into Baekhyun’s ribs, lightly. “Baek, the meat’s burning.”

“Shit,” Baekhyun muttered to himself, still in a daze. This could be called love, couldn’t it? He always went on and on about how, all the girls he’s dated, he’s never loved. His heart was never full enough whenever he was around them to even be considered love. But around you—

“Baek,” Chanyeol called more loudly, this time jolting Baekhyun.

Baekhyun snapped his head towards Chanyeol, voice clearer. “Shit.”

“Yes, shit, the meat is burning,” Chanyeol pointed out and it finally registered in Baekhyun’s mind as to where he was. 

Baekhyun scrambled to save the meat, hurriedly flipping them, and blowing out a sigh as they were still edible.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol breathed, mouth full with meat. He placed a piece in a perilla leaf, adding a tiny dollop of ssamjang and placing it in Baekhyun’s hand.

Baekhyun takes it, mulling over the question. “I don’t know.” He put the wrap in his mouth, slowly chewing. “You know Y/N, right?”

Chanyeol nods, sipping his water and swallowing. 

“What do you think about her?”

Chanyeol hums. “She’s nice. Why? Do you like her?”

Baekhyun chokes on the water he’s drinking. “What? Me? Like her?”

Chanyeol shrugs. “You asked me what I thought.”

“But I don’t like her,” he wrongfully states. The way those words fall out of his lips, every word placed in it, feels wrong.

“Didn’t she used to be your friend or something like that?” Chanyeol reasons, eyebrows furrowing.

“Well, yeah, but—”

“Okay, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol interjects, seeing the inner conflict and what exactly Baekhyun was trying to get at here. “I’m going to ask you three questions.”

Baekhyun stares at him, confused. “About what?”

“One.” Chanyeol holds up his index finger, ignoring his question. “Do you like spending time with Y/N?”

Baekhyun blinks but slowly nods. Over the past few weeks where your interactions with him have slowly raised, he realized that whatever time spent with you, whether it was just a few moments, or hours on end, he never despised it. He even sometimes looked forward to it. No matter how cold he acted towards you. 

“Two.” Chanyeol pops another finger up. “Do you think she’s pretty?”

“W-what? How is that even… relevant—?”

“Answer the question, Byun.”

Baekhyun bites his lip. “Okay, yeah, she’s pretty, I guess.” This question doesn’t take long for him to answer. When you were little, Baekhyun always figured you were pretty with your blinding smile and sparkly eyes, and as you grow up, your features maturing and becoming more distinct, he’d say you’d become beautiful. In his eyes at least.

Chanyeol claps his hand, a smile spilling over his features. “Close your eyes for a minute.”

Baekhyun complies, albeit hesitantly, just in case this was just some prank and Chanyeol is just sneaking some raw garlic in his wrap. But Chanyeol’s words pull him in.

“You’re standing there, okay?”

Baekhyun imagines this well enough. He stood in the middle of a road that he’s never seen before, alone. He doesn’t know what Chanyeol’s point is but he doesn’t open his eyes just yet, intrigued as to what comes next.

“Y/N is there next to you,” his deep voice continues.

Baekhyun places you right in front of him. You’re standing there how he saw you the last time you crossed paths. Bundled up in an oversized hoodie, and jeans, your go to outfit everytime he sees you. Hair pulled into a low ponytail because as you said, it’s annoying when its down, and it hurts when it’s too high up. And only a touch of lip balm because makeup takes too much time and according to you, doesn’t fit you. He thinks you’d look pretty in anything—wait, no! This is exactly what he’s not supposed to be thinking. However, the butterflies in his stomach start to stir.

“And then she’s leaning closer  and closer…” Chanyeol hums again. 

The you behind his eyes, mirrors the actions and he watches, wide eyed as you’re almost nose to nose with him. Your breath fans over his cheeks and you flutter your eyes shut, standing there, waiting. He knows what comes next and his heart aches, his skin tingles, waiting for him to continue. He can’t even pinpoint whatever he’s feeling. He needs to repress it, he knows that he should or else it will just end up absolutely horrible. Baekhyun can’t seem to make a decision. His lips press into a thin line before his body is moving before he can react.

And he’s kissing you.

Baekhyun’s eyes fly open. He’s met with Chanyeol’s trademark grin set in place and a slight rise to his eyebrows. “So? What did you see?”

“We…” Baekhyun voice was barely above a whisper and he felt his skin tingle. That was it wasn’t it? “We kissed.” The butterflies raged and he let them.

Jongdae knows the tension between you and Baekhyun. He can quite literally feel it when he’s in close proximity between the two of you. It’s so thick it suffocates him. But he knows he can fix it. He’s good friends with the both of you and he knows where the two of you went wrong. Baekhyun is scared and running away from his feelings and you are beating yourself over having feelings for him. It’s a never ending cycle and Jongdae just wants it to stop. Which is why he’s strategically planned this last work study to the tiniest detail naming it: Let’s Get Them Together Because Everyone is Fucking Sick of it. The name needs work but the sentiment is still there.

The warmth of the cafe drafts over him as he opens the door, with you following closely behind him. He meets Baekhyun’s eyes for a split second before they immediately go towards you as you hide behind Jongdae like he’s some barrier. He doesn’t appreciate this and would prefer more eye contact between the two of you as to initiate something, so he moves away. 

Jongdae reaches the table and hovers, as you take a seat on the edge seeing that Baekhyun took the other. You face each other, but don’t dare to look at one another. The both of you were thoughtful enough to leave a seat for him straight in the middle, so there was that at least.

Operation Let’s Get Them Together because Everyone is Fucking Sick of it is now a go.

“Y/N! Why don’t you show Baekhyun that thing you showed me last night?” Jongdae chimes, smiling. Baekhyun looks questionably between the two of you before focusing his attention on you where you pulled out your laptop and materials. “Would the two of you like anything to drink?” He further questions, inwardly patting himself on the back when the two of you scoot closer together to ‘see’ your screen.

“I’m fine,” you chimed, voice soft. “Thank you.”

“Baekhyun?” Jongdae questions before looking at the cup Baekhyun taps at.

“I’m good too.” 

“Alrighty, then!” Jongdae exclaims, clapping his hands together, before narrowing his eyes at you. “Make sure you tell Byunnie here, everything alright? And in detail too!” 

Jongdae proceeds to skip off, laughing heartily at the weird stares you probably shared behind his back. Jongdae wasn’t planning on doing anything. Just fueling the spark that already came between the two of you.

Baekhyun’s eyes have opened into a new dimension and he knows about what’s driving him to act like this towards you. Well of course, he knows, he’s always known but always chose to ignore it. But now, he wants to change. He wants to change but now, he doesn’t know how. 

It’s been one week since his talk with Chanyeol and the three of you had met up almost everyday, seeing as you didn’t have much time to cram it all into the last day. He felt his walls breaking around you. A small smile whenever you scrunched your nose at a term you didn’t understand, turning to Jongdae all confused with some tech problem only to find out that it was something stupid—you would turn in to a blushing mess after. Whenever he met eyes with you, you would immediately look away and it made his heart clench. 

Sometimes you made yourself so small, he forgot you were even there, letting his walls break down thinking he was only in front of Jongdae. He would then remember that you were present, making eye contact and he would then see the pretty blush you would sport. He’d shut up straight away.

Jongdae had planned to meet at a cafe this time, going out for ice cream later in celebration for finishing. Baekhyun had come far too early, going straight after his last class just in case he came too late—a bad habit of his. And once the two of you arrived together, he’d straightened, ready to get this done and over with. He still didn’t know what was going to happen with the two of you, but has accepted that whatever would happen, would happen. But after that weird encounter with Jongdae, he felt like something was up.

“That was… weird right?” Baekhyun spoke, looking at you.

“Yeah,” you breathed, “totally weird.” You didn’t look him in the eyes as you said this.

There were a few moments of silence that drifted between the two of you, the ambiance of the cafe seeming to make up for the lack of conversation, before you spoke up.

“Did you manage to find the stuff about the stool analysis? That’s what Jongdae was talking about earlier, I guess. He told me about it and I found some stuff just in case you didn’t,” you started shifting your computer towards him.

He leaned over, hoping with the depths of his soul that you couldn’t hear how loud his heart was beating in front of you. You pointed out the parts that you found interesting and the differences between the analysis you’d come up with the days before. Baekhyun hummed, nodding along to everything you were saying, before one point caught his eye. He pointed this out. “This one seems nice to use.”

You grinned, before flipping open your notebook. “Right? I thought so too. I found some additional information about that specimen and compiled them so we could add it to our presentation.” You slid the notebook over to Baekhyun as well, and he had to scoot his chair closer to see. 

“If we use this in our presentation...” he started, lifting his head up and locking eyes with yours. His voice faltered. 

You were a breath away from him, nose almost brushing into his. He stayed there, frozen, wondering as to what to do in this situation, mind running a mile a minute and yet doing nothing at all. You were the first to move, coughing haphazardly, and leaning away from him, before pulling open a few more tabs saved on your bookmarks.

It would be okay, right? It was just you that his heart was beating for. Baekhyun was just a little too late in realizing that.

Jongdae entered at just the right time and Baekhyun spent the rest of the time, avoiding your eye now and trying his very best to control the beating of his heart.

Night had fallen as they exited out of the cafe. Baekhyun and you both carried a drink, yours being hot chocolate and Baekhyun’s another coffee to keep him awake for the rest of the night. With increased practice for baseball came less time for him to focus on his studies. And he really needed that stable GPA.

“Well, I go this way,” Jongdae states, cocking his thumb to the right. You and Baekhyun turn to look at him, confusedly.

“Isn’t your apartment like right next to mine, though?” you ask, confusedly.

“Well, yes, but I promised to meet someone earlier. Sorry I can’t walk you home, Y/N, and no ice cream,” he apologizes before his eyes brighten up again. “Oh, Baekhyun! Can’t you just walk her home? You’re headed in somewhat the same direction, right?”

Baekhyun scratches the back of his head. “I guess?”

“Great!” Jongdae exclaims before skipping off once again.

“Jongdae is acting really weird today…” you comment and Baekhyun can’t help but nod his head in agreement.

It’s a twenty minute walk from where you are now to your apartment building. Half of the time is spent silent with Baekhyun. 

Until you meet Sehun at the crosswalk.

“Oh, Y/N-noona, Baekhyun-hyung!” Sehun calls, and you wave at the familiar face, Baekhyun nodding in greeting. “Didn’t know you were such a gentleman, hyung,” Sehun teases, poking at Baekhyun’s sides. The older man swats at his arm in retaliation sticking his tongue out at the former. You laugh to the side at the two children it feels like you’re walking home.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you pull it out, eyes lighting up at the name.

“Who is it?” Sehun asks, as he slides next to you.

“My mom,” you reply.

The words are falling out of Baekhyun’s lips before he could stop them. “Tell her I said hi.”

You smile. “Okay.”

You pick up the phone, voice soft as you slowly walk in front of the two boys. “Hi, Mom.”

“Yes, yes, I’m good. Oh, by the way, Baekhyun says hello. Yes, the one from next door.”

You look back at Baekhyun. “My mom says hello back and that you should come over some time,” you state. “You don’t have to if you want to, though,” you add as an afterthought.

“I’ll come over if I have some time later,” he tries.

“Sure,” you answer, relaying his words to your mom. Baekhyun can’t help but look endearingly at you from the back.

Sehun brings Baekhyun’s attention on to him, then. “Hyung.”

He looks over, eyes blinking, as he places his hands in his pockets, craving the warmth as a particularly fierce wind drafts through. “What’s up?”

“You like her, don’t you?”

Baekhyun blushes at the sudden confrontation. He thinks about it for a second before replying, not once thinking that it not be true. “Yeah, I do. Why do you ask?”

“She… talked to me earlier about you. Like a few days ago,” Sehun started, voice lowering. The three of you passed the crosswalk and continued on the side of the road. Sehun and Baekhyun lagged the tiniest bit as you walked along unaware of the conversation being shared between the two boys.

“Yeah?”

“She said she said something to you and you just turned cold and it was all her fault. I didn’t push her, but I asked her why she didn’t just play it off and say that she didn’t mean it,” Sehun started, getting straight to the point. Baekhyun waited on the balls of his heels for the answer. “You know what she said?”

Baekhyun shook his head.

“It’s better this way. What if I grow too attached and he just leaves again. I don’t think I can do that.” Sehun looked at Baekhyun gauging him for an answer.

So... that’s how she felt?

Baekhyun didn’t like to think about the period when you stopped being friends. He thought it would be better for you, to stay away from his crowd. You would always used to point to them, saying that you didn’t like them because of how snotty there were. And when Baekhyun joined the baseball team, with those same people, he thought you would hate him for that or at least grow to hate him so he just... distanced himself before he could get hurt. Because he was childish. And immature. He didn’t account to how you would feel, thinking that you would get over it. Maybe Baekhyun was as much a stable in your life as you were in his.

“I’m telling you this, because I know you’re a good person and I really don’t want you to hurt her again. When you left her before, I think it affected her more than she lets on. She doesn’t show it much, but I think that’s why she’s so wary with people in general. I really don’t want to see her like that, ever. So please—”

“It’s okay, Sehunnie,” Baekhyun interjects. “I know. I’m planning on making things right between us and I don’t plan on letting her go.”

“Are you sure?” Sehun asks warily.

Baekhyun nodded in confirmation as you finally turn back, hanging up on your phone call and noticing the distance between you and the two of you boys.

You laugh. “You guys are so slow!”

Yes, Baekhyun is sure. He knows what he wants to do. What he needs to do.

You shivered under the touch of the cool autumn sky, the breeze ruffling up your hair. As an attempt to block yourself from the harsh winds, you pulled up your hoodie, the fabric covering your ears giving you just the warmth you crave. 

A familiar mud green slide that twirled around like a pretzel came into view as you turned the corner. Your heart felt full at the images of sunny days and fall evenings spent in the very same space years ago, with a certain child.

It was surreal when you turned towards the swings and saw the same kid that you remember from your childhood. Tousled mop hair that went past the eyebrows, button nose, rosy cheeks, and the poutiest of pouts adorned his lips as he glared at the rock a few meters away. His jean clad legs, swung back and forth and the momentum carried him down then up then down and up again, a repeating cycle. As a child, you could never stand the swings for long—they made you get butterflies in your stomach, and not the good kind.

He spotted you, eyes widening and legs skidding across the wood chips to halt his flight, before you could even wonder whether you wanted to be there or not. It looked as if you’d intruded on a rather private moment. “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

You stepped out of the shadows, clammy hands gripping the strap of your bag. “I’d ask the same to you.”

The swing only slightly rocked back and forth now and you walked up to him, taking the adjacent seat. You didn’t look at him, absentmindedly kicking your legs back and forth but then decided against it when a wave of nausea passed over you. Some things never change. 

Baekhyun exhaled a heavy breath that somehow had layers to it. The creaking of the metal joints, rusted over years of children taking turns and calling dibs, showing, as he rocked back and forth. “You remember this place?”

You look towards the side, his voice drawing your attention. Clear, resolute, brights, but at this moment it sounded much different than the Baekhyun you remember. His head was tilted back, eyes closed and face relaxed, serene, and you couldn’t help but feel that way too. This place did something like that to you. All the jitters, and nervous butterflies were drowned out by the aura of this place, and it made you feel calm, comfortable. Home. “Of course I do,” you whispered. You were afraid that if you spoke too loud, something would break, and this, whatever this was would go with it. Your voice merely echoed through the space between the two of you, the buzz of cicadas quickly rebutting it.

“I come here sometimes,” he looks towards you as he says this, and you hold his eyes. Your eyes wander across his face. He looks so tired. “To think.”

You smile a small smile. “Funny.” He cocks an eyebrow at your comment. You shake your head at his pointed look. “I came here just to do that.”

“Do you come here often?” 

Your breath comes out in visible puffs in front of you. “No.” Another, but larger. “Yes.” 

He chuckles, his signature laugh making your smile grow even bigger. “And we’ve never seen each other before today? Crazy.”

“Yeah,” you grin. “Crazy.”

Your eyes bore into him, as Baekhyun, and as you see the way his shoulders hunch back, the furrow of his eyebrows, how his skin almost sags, the shadows bringing out the darkness under his eyes. You can’t help but ask, again. “Are you okay?”

His head tilts to your side and he opens one of his eyes, peering at you almost upside down, sideways. “Of course I am,” he chirps, “just a little tired ‘s all.”

“Then why don’t you go sleep?” 

He tilts his head back up, eyes closing. “Can’t.” Silence looms over the two of you, but he breaks it, once again. “I actually need to apologize to you.”

You turn towards him, confusion etched over your face. “Apologize?”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “I’m really sorry for being super... distant to you these past weeks. I don’t really know what got over me.”

“No, no, I mean,” you stutter, grasping his words and reason for an apology. “I should be apologizing. I guess, I stepped over a line, and your reaction was normal for what I did—”

“For what you did?” he interjects, puzzled. “I don’t get it, are we even talking about the same thing?”

“The locker rooms?” you try, wincing at the harsh memory and its outcome.

“Yeah… but you didn’t say anything like that—”

“Yes, but I said something that were implied in my words and—”

“Okay,” he grins and you warily meet his eyes. “How about we just forget that ever happened and start over again?” He cocks his head cutely and you inwardly coo, being reminded of the child you once knew (and now know again).

“Okay,” you agree, smiling.

The small smile he sported suddenly turned larger and much more wary. A mischievous grin pulled at the corner of his lips as he stood up to his full height, the swing twirling erratically at the loss of his weight. “I have an idea.” He bends down to pick up the backpack perched on the corner pole of frame when he looks at you, almost shy, and you were transported once again to the time when you were just a child and didn’t know anything better in the world. “You don’t need to be anywhere soon, do you?”

You shake your head no as you mirror him, dusting off your behind for remaining dirt, and straightening out your jacket.

“Great,” he beamed. “Let’s go!”

The arcade was still the same as you remember it. When you came to, wondering where in the hell Byun Baekhyun was taking you and whether you should’ve followed or him or just ditched to a sauna for the rest of the night was swiped clear out of your memory when you arrived at the front. A few of the letters balanced on a hilt of the building, were fused out, the A, C, and E, black in the darkness of the night. The sign now spelled, ‘RAD’ but you remembered the time when all of the letters dazzled bright colors all on their own.

Baekhyun shot you one of his award winning smiles when you looked at him, incredulously, mouth agape. “This was still here?” you marveled, breathlessly. 

He nodded, excitingly. “It hasn’t changed one bit.”

And he wasn’t wrong. 

The entrance was dimly lit, only one person over the counter and the teenage boy looked eerily dead, the light above him flickering on and off. When the bell chimed as you entered, he jolted, eyes glazing over the two of you.

“For two?” He queried, monotonously.

“Yes, please,” Baekhyun replied, bouncing on the tips of his toes.

The boy registered and handed you the tickets as you and Baekhyun paid for your own. Baekhyun tried paying for you saying that he dragged you into it, but you stared him down, and he eventually caved. Why would he even pay for you? It’s not like the two of you were on a—no! Y/N, don’t go there! Bad territory to be roaming around especially this close to a guy in a seemingly empty space. You shake your head free of thoughts as you focused back on the game at hand.

Baekhyun had got the lead when you glanced at his screen, but you quickly overpassed him, a trick from so long ago, now muscle memory, taking over you.

He groaned and you cheered as the tickets from under piled out and a crown displayed on your screen and a frowny face on his. You had an urge to soothe the scrunch between his brows when you saw him gloating off the number of tickets you accumulated over the time you’d been here. 

As you headed to the counter filled with different toys and stuffed animals, the clock behind it showed that it was almost 10. You’d been here for two hours? It barely felt like 1.

Baekhyun’s eyes were trained on a pikachu plushie to the corner. He didn’t have enough tickets to buy them.

“I’ll get the Pikachu, over there,” you pointed, and couldn’t help but coo at the small almost inaudible whine that blew past Baekhyun’s lips. “Are you going to get anything?”

His eyes flitted between the number of tickets displayed on the machine and back to the wall of toys. 

“How about that tiger over there? It kinda looks like you,” you nudged, smiling, when his eyes brightened up again at the sight. 

“Okay,” he states. “I’ll take that one.”

The walk back was heavy, silent. The impending doom and the utter discomfort at not having a bed for the night loomed over you and you cursed yourself for ever giving in to your roommate's enticing offers. Dammit, you and your weak heart.

Baekhyun took a deep breath as the ticking of the crosswalk, halted you from the street. “I go this way.”

He points towards his left and you know your apartment is in the opposite direction but you can’t help but want to lie and walk with him just a little bit more. Everything about today had just been so... nice. There was no other way to describe. It made your cheeks blush red, your breath unsteady, your legs stagger and you heart beat so hard you felt as if it would burst out of your chest.

The words were falling past your lips and you wished to take them back as soon as they escaped when you saw the worry fall onto his face. “I was just gonna crash at a cafe for the night.”

“Too much homework?” he questioned.

“Well, yes, and I’ve been kicked out of my room for the night,” you laughed the last part off, hoping that it didn’t sound as bad as it really should. And then you realized that it did sound as bad as it did and you were quick to rebuke just in case a tiny part of Baekhyun worried for you. “I mean! It’s not a big deal or anything, just I owe Sehun a big favor and apparently his plus one’s house is under plumbing or something and I do have that essay do the day after, and I guess, it just all works out...?”

“You don’t have anywhere else?”

You nervously chuckled. “I already tried...? And it’s fine. Not the first time—”

“You can stay with me,” Baekhyun interjected. You coughed a sudden cough. “If you want to, I mean.”

“Uhhhh, well—”

“You’ll have to owe me a favor, of course, it’s not every day I let someone borrow the mattress under my bed, but it’s fine if its you, as long as it is a big favor.”

You stood speechless for the minutest of moments. “I—is that okay?”

“Yeah, it's cool. A big favor, though, okay,” he pointed. 

You held your hands up in surrender. “A big favor,” you repeated. 

He dropped his finger and a lazy smile that brightened up his face all the more, washed over him. “Let’s go then, I’m bunked.”

You startled awake, eyes shooting open. Darkness meets you and it takes a few moments to register the room you’re in with the only light source being from the tiny gap in the curtain. Curtains. Blue curtains. You don’t have blue curtains. 

You’re currently on the floor. Laying on a mattress. There are two bunk beds on either side of you. One of them occupied with Byun Baekhyun who is currently dangling from the bed and drooling. Your brain finally registers awake and reruns everything that happened the night before, starting from your unexpected meeting all the way to Baekhyun’s gracious offer. Considering where you are now, last night wasn’t a dream.

You throw off the covers, suddenly feeling hot. Did he always sleep with no air conditioner? You wondered whether or not you should stay until he woke up, or if you’d be overstaying your welcome. Padding around for your phone, it was half past nine. You didn’t have any classes until the afternoon. You decided to kill time going through your social media, having nothing else to do. But your eyes soon got bored and trailed towards Baekhyun’s almost right above you.

You could make out his distinct features in the dim lights, the ones you are used to and everyone saw, but there was something so peaceful with the way his eyelashes laid against his cheeks and his lips and cheeks a rosy pink. And the drool. You stifled a laugh when the drool started to roll down his chin, threatening to drop off.

It wasn’t long for your heart to start pounding in your eardrums at the serenity of this environment and how quiet everything is. It starts getting louder, almost deafening until you peel your eyes away from Baekhyun.

You suddenly make eye contact with Chanyeol, who gazes at you blankly, face held in his palm.

You intake a sharp breath at the confrontation as he narrows his eyes at you. “Did Baekhyun bring you here?” he whispers.

You nod slowly before realizing the implication of the statement. “Wait, no! Not like that,” your harsh whisper makes Baekhyun stir and your wide-eyed as Chanyeol hold his finger to his lips. Like a deer caught in headlights you slowly nod in understanding. “I just didn’t have a place to stay, and Baekhyun offered. That’s all.”

Chanyeol’s eyes are clouded. You can’t tell what he’s thinking. For such an expressive person that everyone claims him to be he seems far too intimidating in front of you right now. “Do you like him?”

“What? No! Of course not.” you refute harshly. Chanyeol’s eyes narrow down at you. You wither under his gaze. “Okay, maybe a little. But don’t tell him, alright?”

“And why is that?” he presses.

“Just, please, I—” 

I’m scared. You choke back the words.

“I don’t want to lose him as a friend.”

Chanyeol nods. “Okay. Just be careful with him, okay? Some people use him because he’s Byun Baekhyun and he just lets it happen because he’s too nice and won’t say anything, so just when you’re with him, take care of him alright?”

You look at him questionably. “Why are you telling me this?”

He laughs, waving the question off. “It’s nothing.”

“Huh... you’re awake?” Baekhyun slurs from above you.

“Oh, Baekhyun!” Chanyeol grins. “I was just about to make breakfast, Y/N, will you join me?” A flip had switched in Chanyeol’s demeanor and your eyes don’t leave his, even as he shuffles out of his bed, his earlier words bouncing off the walls in your head. 

Baekhyun groans and flips his covers on top of his head, muffling a five minutes. Chanyeol cocked his towards you. “Coming?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, trailing behind Chanyeol.

xxx - xxx - xxxx [6:15 PM]: hey, Y/N! this is baekhyun! I got ur number from sehunnie if ur wondering 

xxx - xxx - xxxx [6:15 PM]: i gave sehun a lil something for you :) make sure you wear it to the game tomorrow!

xxx - xxx - xxxx [6:15 PM]: also u forgot your pikachu at mine

‘xxx - xxx - xxxx has been added as a new contact: baekhyun’

y/n [6:16 PM]: ...should i be worried?

y/n [6:16 PM]: and you can keep it. u probably wanted it more than me. think of it as... payment? for letting me stay the night

baekhyun [6:17 PM]: it’ll look cute on u i swear!!! just please :,( for me??

baekhyun [6:17 PM]: also the pikachu will do

y/n [6:18 PM]: i hope ur not lying 

baekhyun [6:18 PM]: i'm not!!!

y/n [6:19 PM]: sehun just came so i hope u stick to ur word

baekhyun [6:19 PM]: you’ll love it, trust me ;)

baekhyun [6:19 PM]: oh, i’ve gotta go now, duty calls

y/n [6:19 PM]: oh okay

y/n [6:20 PM]: get lots of rest and gl for tomorrow!!!

baekhyun [6:21 PM]: dw ill win it :)

baekhyun [6:21 PM]: just for you 

‘message failed to send. try again?’

Baekhyun gave you one of his old jerseys, and a yellow t-shirt. You got the reference, his favorite color being yellow, and ‘byun’ printed on the back of the jersey.

“All the Baekhyun fans have one of these, but hyung said this one was special since he got it personally for you or some bullshit.” You didn’t care much for Sehun’s snarkiness, taking the clothing with gentle hands and scurrying off into your bedroom to squeal because Baekhyun got this just for you!!!

You’d tucked it into a pair of loose-fitted jeans the afternoon after, spending hours doing your hair and makeup before topping it off with a team hat. You’d gone for a minimalistic look, trying too much to make sure it didn’t look like you actually spent hours on it. Not that you were dressing up for a certain someone—who are you kidding, you are totally dressing to impress. Sehun took one look at you and snorted. You swatted his arm ignoring the look he gave you. “I haven’t seen this much effort since prom in senior year.”

You huffed a whatever, stalking out of your apartment and placing yourself in the backseat of his car, as you went to pick up Mina. Apparently the two of them were together again. You figured you knew when that happened.

When you get to the field, Sehun announced that he’s hungry and went off to the hot dog stand. You and Mina, meanwhile, climb up to your seats taking in the view. The bleachers are filled to the brim with people from your school and also people from not. You underestimated the sheer popularity of the baseball team in your state.

And you also noticed many other girls dressed up similarly to you. 

“So there’s something between you and Baekhyun?” Mina spoke up, from beside you.

Your head whipped towards her and your mouth opened and closed like a fish, unable to make a response. 

She glanced towards your shirt and then to the fine print of ‘byun’ across your back and raised an eyebrow at your lack of an answer.

“W-were just friends,” you finally stuttered out.

Mina’s eyebrows raise up another level. “Sure…” she says, sounding totally not convinced. “Because friends blush at the mention of another friend’s name.”

Your hands fly to your cheeks patting them down. “I’m not blushing,” you frown.

She laughs. “Whatever you say, but I personally think you’d be good together.”

You look at her, curiously, egging her to go on.

“I mean, Baekhyun doesn’t really date that often. Eunha—was a stupid decision on his part, I don’t know what got into him. But he’s a good guy and I think he really likes you, Y/N.”

“He likes h-h-uh?” you bumble, head spinning.

Mina snickers. “Yeah, I think he does. And I’m the best when figuring out these types of things,” she grins, adding a cheeky wink towards you. 

Your left to mull about her words, as Sehun enters, handing you your hot dog and soda.

“Oh, it’s starting!” Sehun comments and the pitcher throws the first ball. The crowd goes wild.

The game ends with your team winning 6-4 and you find yourself cheering for them along with the others in the crowd.

Sehun drags you towards the locker rooms, telling you that it’ll be fine, and Baekhyun will totally not be weirded out by you visiting him after the game and telling him a good job. 

“Sehun!” One of the team called out as you entered the locker room. A horde of sweaty boys swatted at your friend and took the compliments he threw out. You craned your neck searching to find a familiar pink-haired boy before someone called your name from behind.

You turned to find Baekhyun, with a towel slung over his neck, bangs sticking to his forehead, and cheeks flushed. Not to mention the smile that spread over his face like he just saw an angel. He looked effortlessly hot. So unfair.

He jogged towards you and before you could even say a hello, he threw his arms around your waist, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You froze for a split second before wrapping your arms around his shoulders, a small smile playing on your lips. You forgot that he was really touchy realizing he must’ve never outgrown the habit, not that it was a particularily bad one. His drooling was far worse. With how tight he was hugging you, you figured it must’ve been out of relief. You knew it. He really was worried for the game.

“You did really well,” you breathed, lips hovering over his ear. He smelled like sweat, undoubtedly and you were sure the warmth would stick to your skin soon enough, but didn’t dare shy away from his hold. He would always hold you like this back then as well and you felt comfort from that fact. Some things really do never change. 

He groaned, voice muffled by your skin. His lips moving against your neck sent shivers through your skin so even if you did hear it, your mind was on another level. Finally he pulled his head back, still crouched so he looked up at you, a smirk sporting his lips. 

“You wore it.”

You rolled your eyes, and pulled your hands away from him, as he stood to his full height. “You’re the one who begged me to, Byun,” you huffed.

“No, I didn’t!” he exclaimed, sounding aghast at your presumption.

“Oh, really?” you egged, eyes sparkling. “Please? Just for me? Ring any bell?”

“Okay, okay, whatever, you say,” he grinned, hand coming up to ruffle your hair.

You frowned playfully before continuing. “But you did a really good job! You worried over nothing.”

“Who said I worried?” he pouted.

You laughed before motioning to his eye bags. He swatted at your hands, before the two of you burst into giggles. 

And then suddenly he’s grabbing your free hand, his encasing yours in warmth and raising it up into the air before shouting a loud ‘let’s go!’ to the rest of the people in the room.

The team chorused shouts in answer before Baekhyun tugged at your arm, eyes smiling like they held the galaxy and stars back at you before pulling you with the crowd that filed out of the cramped room. 

You lost Baekhyun to the crowd once you got to the party. Migrating towards the kitchen, you grabbed a soda from the fridge, deciding to pass on the drinks tonight, no matter how enticing they were. Sehun found you brooding in the corner not two minutes later, and true to his word, didn’t leave your side. You, Sehun, and Mina, played in a beer pong game with some guys you vaguely recognize from your sociology class, but can’t put a name on. You played rock, paper, scissors, every time to see who’d drink and it was as if Sehun got on the wrong side of Dionysus tonight. You quickly got bored, however, gravitating away from the crowd when Sehun and Mina headed out on to the dance floor. It couldn’t really be called that when really it was just the living room with some strobe lights and stereos that blasted half-assed music.

You took a seat on the empty two seater, sipping on your soda, and looking up when Jongdae came down to sit next to you.

“Having fun?” he asked, voice almost muffled by the music even though he was practically screaming.

“I think I’ve had enough for the night,” you laughed. “I’ll just find Baekhyun and Sehun and tell them I’m leaving before I go,” you say before getting up.

“Oh, I think I saw Baekhyun before, I’ll take you to him,” he commented, before leading the way.

It isn’t hard to find Baekhyun, what with his eccentric hair color and white outfit. However, Jongdae suddenly stops in front of you, making you bump into him. 

His mouth opened to say something and you peeked over his shoulder, thinking that there was something there that you just had to see. “What is it—”

Your voice falters and then you lock eyes with Byun Baekhyun. And he’s kissing someone. He’s kissing Eunha.

Baekhyun regrets it the moment it happened. His eyes fly open, when her mouth comes into contact with his and he sees your eyes undoubtedly meet his across the crowds of people hovering over the shoulder of Kim Jongdae. You stare into his eyes and before he can even pull away or shout your name, your gone, surrounding yourself in the shadows with Jongdae running behind you. He snaps his head back, glaring at Eunha.

He doesn’t bother to speak a word to her, opting to run after the way you came from. Shit, shit, shit, this probably would not end well. No, no, no need for negative thoughts, he will make it end well.

He doesn’t find you in the kitchen which was the way you were headed but he found Sehun and pounced on his immediately.

“Did you see, Y/N?”

“Huh, no, why?” Sehun asked, eyebrows furrowed. The smile was wiped off his face and in place a frown. “Hyung…”

“Just, see if she texted you maybe?” Baekhyun pleads, voice growing louder at the upturn of music. Sehun cocks his head but does as he said, eyes widening before showing him the text.

y/n: sorry sehunnie, didn’t feel too well. went back home if you need me ^^

Baekhyun’s heart runs into overdrive, and he’s out of the door a split second after. His feet are carrying him as fast as possible and when he’s finally on the elevator going up to your floor, eyes blown out and breath ragged from running, he takes a moment to conserve himself. It was a mistake. And you have to understand that. Because what Baekhyun realized as he was egging the taxi driver to go faster across the city, was that he wanted you there with him. He wanted to kiss you. Not Eunha. Not anyone else. And he wanted to kiss you really fucking bad. 

The door dings open and he sees the color of your jacket as you shuffle through your bag, presumably looking for your keys.

He’s by your side in a second and you turn and look around to see what's all the raucous. You visibly stiffen. Your face is streaked with tears, eyes puffy, cheeks blotchy, and lips a dark rouge as if you’ve been biting them for hours. 

“Y/N…” Baekhyun starts hand reaching for your wrist unconsciously. You shift away from this and Baekhyun notices that deflating.

“What are you doing here?” you question, voice wobbling, as if you were about to start crying any second now. And from the way it looked, it seemed to be true.

“That kiss—” he starts, and Baekhyun realizes his voice is far too loud for the quiet of the empty hallway and as you flinch, he takes a sharp breath. “That kiss meant nothing. Eunha doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. She’s just an ex, and I guess she thought since I was being nice to her that meant that we could be together again, and really it isn’t anything like that because I don’t like her anymore.”

You blink owlishly at him, looking as if you aren't digesting what he was saying, which made Baekhyun halt. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Be-because, you saw! You saw me kissing Eunha, and I obviously had to explain it or else there would be too many misconceptions—”

“You don’t have to tell me that. It’s not like I’m your girlfriend or anything.” You laugh heartlessly and sniffle. “I’m just some delusional girl who thinks that just because she used to be your friend ages ago, she would somehow have even a sliver of a chance that you would like her, but again that’s delusional! Because it somehow managed to slip my mind that you’re Byun Baekhyun of the baseball team. Handsome, smart, athletic, kind, caring, loving and not the Byun Baekhyun who’d tripped over his own feet and have dirt and drool over his face all the time—”

Your crying as Baekhyun kisses you.

His weight leans into you and you take small steps back as your back hits the wall behind you. He adds more pressure, tilting his head, hand gripping your hand more just in case you felt as if this wasn’t real, which he believed what would be running through your mind now. 

He feels like absolute putty when you soften at his touch and splay a delicate hand over his chest, and when he bites down on your lip you make a noncommittal noise from the back of your throat that has him falling. 

You squeak when Baekhyun’s hands, one placed on your hip and the other on your neck and in your hair and everywhere, tilt your head higher, bringing him deeper into the kiss. It isn’t until you gently push him back, breathless, and eyes hooded that he takes a moment to consider the predicament he stood in. 

“I’m not dreaming, am I?” you breathe, wiping the stray tears away from your face.

Baekhyun chuckles softly, patting down your hair. “I thought you would say that.”

The clicking of a lock from the other side of the hall, snaps both your attention towards it. Baekhyun is amused as you look at him wide-eyed as the clicks continue. You pick up the key that somehow dropped to the floor in the midst of everything and are quick to open your door pulling Baekhyun in. 

When the door shuts behind Baekhyun, with you leaning against his chest, breathing deep, and Baekhyun leaning against the door, he can’t help but feel like the luckiest man in the world.

His hands snake their way into your hair, one of them tilting your chin up. “Round two?” he smiles, cheekily.

You blush a pretty red before nodding and meeting him in the middle for a kiss.

[softhaos]

ONE (1) YEAR OF SOFTHAOS

fellas, as of today – jan 14th 2019 – softhaos has turned one year old!! honestly, i never expected to last this long?? over the past year, i’ve gone through many ups and downs, made close mutuals, received so much emotional support from all kinds of people on this site and overall, i’m so thankful that i pulled my shit together and joined the community on tumblr! 

i still remember clearly when i first started out with this blog and posted the neighbor aus and got SO much support for it?? like?? i never thought it’d come this far where i could touch readers’ hearts with my word vomits?? that’s just insane. and even if you don’t read my works yet still follow me: wow, i’m so grateful that you managed to cope with my bullshit – be it from my undying hatred towards pcy and kmg, me abusing the uwuwuwu or my personal thoughts.

in other words, this is my message directed to everyone: thank you for keeping up with my bullshit uwu

now on to the part where i thank specific people for making my existence on this site more bearable,, i’ve left a message for everyone i tagged (i would’ve tagged literally everyone but i’m a stressed student i am so sorry if i forgot you kjldl and i would feel bad if i didn’t leave a note to everyone i tagged) and the list is in alphabetical order! @ anons i also left notes from you at the very bottom.

@baekberrie 💌 even though we just talked once literally two days ago thanks to my clumsy ass sending you an accidental ask, i’m so glad i actually did. pola (okay i got this from your about page im sorry kljsdl) you’re an amazing, kind and talented soul with whom i could’ve talked hours about soft bbh if it weren’t for my tiredness. i’ve only read your junmyeon oneshot so far but trust me, i’ll get to that cuddling fic with baek real soon once i’ve got more time uwu you’re honestly a talented writer and i hope we get to talk more in the future!

@baekbuns 💌 i’ve known you for how many days already you anon thot and i really can’t believe that i was vv intimidated by you at first (not gonna lie, you still scream bde but that’s another story-) hope, despite you trying to steal pretty much everyone from anyone, it’s still very fun to fight talk with you and you’re also an excellent writer uwuwuwu i am still very attacked by the thought of bartender yixing one day I WILL SUE YOU ALONG WITH PCY

@baekwell--tart 💌 bella!!!! ngl i’m still very pissed at myself for not realizing you from your old url but i’m glad i found you again!! (did i find you again? idk anymore i suffer from short term memory but i hope i got my point across sdjlkj) you’re such a warmhearted person and i’m really grateful that i got to know you. however, you’re also a funny person and that also shows in your writing - istg one day i will probably have “perpetual boredom” tattooed on my forehead don’t ask why that description of sehun will NEVER fail to make me chuckle!! you deserve all the love and happiness in the world and so much more uwu

@boosoonhao 💌 i know i keep repeating myself when it comes to you aj, but i really have no idea what else to say. i wrote it in the letter, i expressed myself way too often in the tags whenever i reblog your works, yet here i am doing it again (and maybe even more exaggerated than usual, we’ll see): aj, you are one of the most talented writers i’ve ever known and one of the greatest blessings in the community. there, i said it and i mean it! you are one of the very few i know that doesn’t shy away from fantasy-ish aus and executes them brilliantly. the way you have with your words is just fascinating and i find myself sometimes jotting down what you wrote for future references? but writing skills aside, you are a beautiful and kind person and up to this day the key chain you sent me is still intact. aj, thank you for blessing me, blessing everyone with your talent and general existence. 

@byuncaa 💌 bianca you smol soft bean you have my heart right there and though we don’t know each other for so long, i hope we get to talk more in the future uwu you’re such a cute soul gaaah it really makes me wanna send you all the soft memes i possibly own anywaY i hope you just stay as bubbly and bright and adorable as you are uwu

@cafechenle 💌 hani, kaito kid, i don’t know whether you’re still alive on tumblr or not but idc i’m still writing this to you anyway. you’re one of the first people i’ve met on this site and gOD i remember it as clear as day where i was so close to blocking you within the first few minutes of knowing you. yes, i’m talking about the entire mansae chan era discourse. anyway, we don’t talk as much but i hope you’re doing fine my wee lil silver boys supremacist!!

@changbeanbag 💌 landon, we literally just met yesterday but as you can see, i don’t care and i’m writing you a wee lil note anyway. you, my dude, radiate uwu energy and ngl i may have squealed when i saw your tags in the ask i sent you teehee - i hope we get to talk more in the future (that is, if school hasn’t killed me until then-)

@changbiinn 💌 kirra, you beautiful, blue haired visual goddess who has everyone else (including jisung yES I WENT THAT FAR) looking like a mere smurf and found dead in a ditch! i didn’t think i’d get an instant dm from that one inkigayo shitpost but you went ahead and proved me wrong sjljlks timezones fuck me up all the time but nonetheless i hope we get to interact a lil more and gET ENOUGH SLEEP OR ELSE

@cheolsjigyu 💌 MISS VAN NO I DID NOT FORGET YOU HEAR ME OUT. first of all, how could i forget you when you provided me all the great twt aus and the wild chats we had back in?? sometime early last year i guess. it’s been a very long time since we talked and i’m sorry i couldn’t reach out to you any time sooner due to school and the usual stuff (also, uh, i’m not the biggest friend of tumblr dms and barely check any messages there so there’s that too) believe it or not i still wheeze whenever i think of your fic swing baby because goddamnit that jyp song was one repeat for a good week. anyway, i hope you’ve been doing well and are not at the brink of near death like me uwu

@cherryxiu 💌 gran, frank, satan incarnate, whatever else i call you. you may fuck me up with the pcy i’ve never asked for but i hope you know you have a soft spot in my heart (i’ll never say that out loud again tho so see it as a one of a time thing). you’re my fav minseok stan and while i wouldn't necessarily jump off a cliff for you, i’d jump with you uwu anyway, aggressively refrain from sending me more pcy content i’m just trying to live an easy life here. but knowing you, you’ll definitely pretend as if that last part was never written so why do i even bother-

@chillihansol 💌 hanni my child!!! i hope you’re doing fine, aren’t as stressed anymore and have received the love you deserve and more!!! i still remember when i was highkey intimidated by you so i went on anon but then somehow you were startled by my lil threat and then i became your mom anon? funny that has changed over the time skldj hanni, i don’t regret ever going on anon for you and you’re an amazingly talented writer. i already said it once but i’ll say it again: guns n roses was the first svt fic i read on tumblr and just thank you for creating that piece uwu

@choco-seventeen 💌 miss choco, i almost tumbled down the nonexistent stairs in my apartment when i saw you ??? sliding into my dms ??? and then reading my word vomits ??? and then you followed me ??? and everything that followed after ??? i don’t know what in the world i did to have you notice me and up to today it remains a mystery to me ngl. we love a talented, kindhearted, fantastic, stunning, visual writing queen who is ofc the right person to love thanks to the avatar discourse she started!!! choco, keep on enlightening everyone’s life with your mere existence, the tags you put in your reblogs that make me smile and of course, wonderful stories <33

@custardheart 💌 taylor, i don’t think we have ever talked (unless you approached me on anon maybe then maybe yes??) but i just wanted to thank you for blessing my notifications. you’ve been supporting me / on my notifs for quite a long time - may i say you’re like one of the first followers i had when i first started out? THAT’S how long you’ve been here already and i can’t thank you enough <333 (please don’t ask me why i know that but goddamn every time i see that jeonghan profile picture i already know it’s you djklj)

@dinoshaur 💌 sha! lee! i know we barely talk to each other but i just wanted to use this opportunity to thank you for making some of my days with your astounding fics!! one of my favorite works from you will always be “flower crown prince” because you have NO idea how much i struggle with finding seungkwan fics dkkjljlk i’m sorry i didn’t submit anything for the lfw challenge i really tried to make it but you know, life problems happened whoops. i wish you all the happiness and inspiration and love from chan himself you gifted angel uwu

@forevershua 💌 dear fossil mother ryan, i can’t believe i internally pronounced your name wrongly for pretty much half a year knowing you. please forgive me. okay, but all seriousness aside, you’re one of the closest people from this site!! i really love you so so much though i can’t guarantee that i love you as much as you love jeonghan more than shua; i still shed tears whenever i pull out your two postcards - especially the minghao one; i think i suffered from mild heart palpitations when i got it in the mail (and still do). i hope we get to meet this year and possibly clown rat together and just stay the somewhat sane person left in the gc <33 p.s HOW DO YOU FUNCTION WITHOUT A FRIDGE I STILL CANT BELIEVE THAT

@gamerwoo 💌 rocket, you’re always active when it’s the ungodly hour where i live and it has happened more often that i stay awake because of you. not only do i have loads of stuff i can queue from you (teehee) you recently started posting stories again and the ones you hammered out lately just??? do things to me??? for real though do you have sadistic tendencies or somethin because you posted TWO (2) nsfw stories that I indulged at 2 AM IN THE MORNING. aside from that minghao and junmyeon stuff, uuuh, i finally got around to finish your ghoul au which i completely adore!! i’m looking forward to your upcoming works uwu and hope you get all the positivity and good vibes only uwu (p.s i have to confess: my dumb ass seriously thought the “woo” in your url referred to jungwoo and for some good weeks i thought you ult jungwoo rIP ME)

@hearttoshu 💌 jess, i don’t know what in the world i did to have you notice me because i’m gonna be honest here, i was scared of you skaljdlkjslkj please i don’t even know why, you seemed very intimidating but i was proven wrong in an instant!! you are one super soft bean with hq gifs and a love for jun and shua that reaches up to infinity and beyond!! your tags always get the best out of me and i’m really grateful for having you in my life uwuwuwuwu 

 @jejublr 💌 ew rat, you’re finally adulting. jokes aside, you were the first victim to fall under my disastrous typo errors and may i say that i’m just simply ICONIC for forever slapping that legendary nickname on you uwu nat who?? we only know RAT. you’re the one person i can always run to when more serious issues are bugging me since i guess you can relate the most to my personal dilemmas and i just wanted to thank you for being there for me <33 that, and for keeping gran somewhat at bay. i hope we get to meet up this summer where i’ll feed you with lots of chocolate while teasing ryan about her biasing jeonghan LMAO and just like most people from the gc, you’re one of the first close mutuals i’ve made. in a way, you could say you’ve been with me here since day 1 (almost) xx

@jin-hua 💌 mayo / mango / mayo that tastes like mangoes / idk i bet i have misspelled your names approximately 993828 times in 937987 different variations but guess what? i still love u to death uwu i love me a fitness queen, a visual goddess not even god himself could ever and i’m so so glad that you exist in my life <333 i know i promised you a crackhead message but when i think about it there’s not really a lot to say that’s out of place when it comes to you?? you’re an angel uwuwu the light of my life frank could NEVER

@justsomekpopstuff 💌 jj it is i, your #1 supporter!! since you’re also part of the nug club gc from the beginning on, you have an extra special place in my heart <3 jj, i love how supportive you are and i don’t think you realize that i cherish you to the moon and back and that times 903809. i love how you get so fired up about your hockey team and like to gush and suffer from the wrath of Joshua hong and i hope you’ll stay eternally happy uwu that, and dRINK LESS COFFEE ISTG

@lxveille 💌 veille we’ve never interacted a lot but i just wanted to let you know that i admire you a LOT. i haven’t got around to read more of your works lately, but i do have a favorite fic that i still clearly remember. okay, that’s a lie, i have several that left a strong memory. but let’s say, if i had to reduce it to one fic, it’d be the 100wtsily dystopian au with jihoon and 66 & 70! you’re one of the very few writers who hit the dystopian genre spot on and you truly are an inspiration. seriously, thank you a lot veile xx

@middle-of-a-wonshua-sandwich 💌 LOOK, i didn’t even know you changed blogs or something and i’m so eternally sorry that it took me ages to figure that out! (RIP me) you’re one of the first followers i had if i recall correctly (i’m pretty positive of that) and i just wanted to thank you for sticking with me so long uwuwuuwwu i wish you all the happiness bb <3

@multi-yeol 💌 haaaa we’ve only known each other since a day or something but i’m really glad we did!!!! honestly, that Loona song sorter is harder than any of the german exams i had and though we don’t know each other for so long, i hope we’ll talk more in the future bub!!!

@oatmealupdates 💌 lynna, you too are one of the first followers on my blog i’m wheEZING you’ve been here for so long sdlkjlkj thank you for your support and your comments under the fics always make my day i swear!! i’ve also noticed that you haven’t been that active as you used to be (maybe it’s just me idk sometimes my dash is kinda wacky) but all in all i hope you’re doing good!! if you ever need to talk to someone, you can always hmu <33

@queerjunhui 💌 vane, ngl, you really scared me at first. i was really intimidated by your for reasons i can’t even explain and i always thought you were out of my league sdkljlk i think we started talking since the cyzj thing and you’re one of the funniest and nicest people i’ve met so far on tumblr, seriously! your content - be it from your shitposts to mindless thoughts like the entire indirects to j*** * yES I STILL RECALL THEM - you always manage to make my day brighter whenever i see you on my dash. i wish you all the happiness and hope you’re doing good uwu

@seungcheolsbodyharness 💌 katey, sis i still think about that criminal seokmin and the entire au we made up - from FBI agent cheol to incompetent intern vernon and all that jazz. besides the fact that your url is a pure 10/10 as well as your other URLs, you’re such a nice person and i really enjoy your presence - be it in the form of reblogs of any kind of thing to the comments you occasionally leave and don’t get me started on the aSKS; katey, i’m so glad to have met you on this site!!! uwu

@softwonwoo 💌 jian darling!! honestly, i have no idea how you even know of my existence. just like pretty much everyone else i’ve tagged here you kinda had that intimidating aura?? but then the more i talked to you somehow, the more i was proven wrong and you’re such a sweet pea i can’t- also, i’m glad that i found someone who can agree with me when it comes to chungha dsakjlskj pls stay healthy, stay happy jian!!

@swyllh 💌 sara, i don’t think we have ever had a proper conversation, but i just wanted to give you my appreciation. you are one of the most underrated writers within the community yet you always give your best when it comes to your writing and honestly, i really admire you. i haven’t found the time to read your interactive fic yet (i keep pushing that back i am so sorry but i’ll get to that one day) and one of the fics that i absolutely adore is that one end of the world fic with chan, as well as the vernon collab with sha!! i really hope you’ll get the recognition and love you deserve you gifted writer !!

@tonicandjins 💌 faye my snowflake, i haven’t seen you around lately but if you read this, i hope everything’s alright from your side! i’m quite sure i’ve already mentioned this to you but i’ll say it again. i will NEVER shut up about one and two small petals and will NEVER recover from it. another banger is that wonwoo fic with the printer- ugh, you’re such a talented, beautiful person and i truly wish you all the best. remember, don’t stress yourself and relax once in a while uwu

@yeolsmiling 💌 angie hi!! i legit only sent you one (1) ask so i really don’t have much to say so far unless i wanna repeat myself lMAO one day, i aspire to purely emit soft energy for yeol but i doubt that day will ever come. i hope we get to talk more in the future you soft bear <33

honeybunch anon 💌 honeybunch, i hope you’re doing well! i still remember that i called you that when you slipped into my asks and gushed about that one mingyu fic up to this day i’m still flattered and eternally grateful that you’re still here uwu thank you for your support and making my day <33

fromis anon 💌 idk if you’ll ever read this but i miss you uwu i hope you’re doing fine and just a quick update from my side: i still haven’t found a bias yet uGH 

sugarpie / tulip anon 💌 you seem like such a cool person i’m really glad you stopped by in my inbox thank you for hitting me up uwu since i have no clue who you are and since i’m a dumbass, i’m can only rely on you messaging me jslkdj

none of the letters are proofread i am so sorry

[bobubro-remade]

🍉 hi 💕

HI SHRAD!! we very recently became moots but like i honestly saw ur blog a lot on my feed and i think aj (?? or was it someone else??) interacted a lot with you so ur blog kept popping up but im not sure what made me finally follow but anyhow im glad i did!!! your giffing game is insane and idk if you did ur icon and mobile header but holy smokes they are gorgeous and wowzies your so talented. Also ur tags are fun to read and the fact that you landed such a  sick url is the best part tbh!!!! what a lucky duck you are!!!! thanks for putting up with me tbh i hope that we keep loving monsta x together this 2019!!!

[bordeleaubeau]

alright i’m the worst long time no update…. i may or may not be dating a boy (no labels before we move away ofc) who treats me like an actual queen. i have never been with someone who cares so much genuinely and so kind. (i’ll send you a picture of us if you are curious and want to see). anyway, how are you love? have you settled into school? are you hydrating with both water and fun stuff? sending all my love and positive energy -tea anon<3

hello there stranger!!!!! i am SO happy for you, oh my god. you know i'm your biggest supporter through and through after knowing all the bullshit you've gone through. you deserve the best and i'm glad it's working out for you so far:') i looked on your ig and saw you committed to a college!!!!! congratulations!!!!!!!!!! what's your intended major if you know already? is lover boy going to be nearby? and i would LOVE to see a picture whenever you get a chance! if you don't see this within a few days i'll dm you <3 school for me has been interesting to say the least, 48 hours into my spring semester i lost my ENTIRE friendgroup!!!! turns out one of my best friends actually hated me the entire time we were friends (five! months!) and she couldnt stand my guts:) if you've noticed who i've posted on my instagram stories with those little photo thingie magijies you can probably figure out which one im not friends with anymore:) i made like 4 new friends, drama occurred and i wasn't friends with them within like 3 days lol.

i rushed!! i got invited back to everything for my top org, then didn't get a bid on bid day and cried the whole day:') then said ex best friend got into her top org which was my #2- they reached out to me to go to their continuous bidding event but i didnt wanna go and now im kind of regretting it but i dont want to deal with her petty bullshit lol.

having a smaller friend group has honestly been so beneficial for me this semester. one of my best friends here has a boyfriend so she's with him a lot, my other is a theater major and is in our spring production so they're busy a lot! so i get a lot of me time. i dont stay up until 3am every day and i've been going to my classes a lot more this semester because of that:) i wake up at 6:30 to go to the gym a couple times a week and overall am trying to make the most of my experience. two of my other close friends here and i are all trying to get a job at an ice cream shop downtown (because i am broke.... spent way too much money this past month oops!)

i also took pictures for my school's hockey team!! my friend is dating one of the hockey boys so we went to the game, and i had gotten a camera for christmas, and we all know how much i love my hockey photos. coach loved my photos and actually reached out to me yesterday to be the team photographer and social media coordinator next season:)

i also applied to be a ca (ra, but my school calls them community assistance instead of resident assistant for whatever reason) and i hear back about that the 15th! the only thing that will suck is that i was planning on rooming with 3 friends in the suites, so that'll be sad if i don't- but hey free housing!!

keep me updated on mr loverboy, and feel free to give me all the updates!!! you know im rooting for you aj, love you lots girlfriend<3

[sakurabaneku]

anime expo was soooooooooo much and it was so hot and overwhelming (and yes, crowded) but i had so much fun! under the cut because i sure do talk a lot

i knew ax was big but WHOA OK its on a whole nother level!! i dont think i even saw the entirety of the convention center and i didnt even step into the jw! wow ok! i was really worried about it being overwhelming and everyone being too busy to.. be friendly i guess but that wasnt really a problem!! everyone was really friendly, especially at the meets!! the ff meet was on the hottest day of the weekend and it was overcrowded and difficult to get things organized but everyone was still friendly and talkative and looking out for each other in that wild heat!! SHOUT OUT TO THE ZACK FAIR PHOTOBOMBING THE SHOOT BY DOING SQUATS IN THAT HEAT!! you really are a hero, zack fair. you really are.

speaking of the heat, idk how i survived in noctis all day in.. 106 or something degree weather but i loveloveLOVED being him!! it was worth the suffering!!!! one of my favorite costumes ive done so far i think and i got so many super nice comments from people on it and waah! also got arrested by the thot patrol and shoved into the ballpit by ardyn and ik ive already posted pics but that was fun. i didnt take nearly enough shitty meme pictures honestly. smh. I DIDNT GET A PICTURE OF ME GETTING FRIENDZONED BY LUNAFREYA which happened. noctis did a heart hand luna thumbs up’d. rip noctis. 

cosplaying kingdom hearts is always a really fun time and im kinda glad i didnt finish riku in time bc kairi was a godsend of a costume. so comfortable. bless. and i just love being her!! im glad i brought my pins back to give out, everyone had the CUTEST reactions!! a sora also tossed me a little paopu fruit as he walked by which was really sweet and its soft and adorable!! 

it was also the first time i wore bakura which was uhhhh and experience and that costume didnt make it home in one piece lol i really didnt feel great in it but i still had some fun!! littlekuriboh complimented it lol so like, my inner 10 year old can die happy! 

i think the thing that really made this con was the people!! rooming with sharon, janice and emma was like, the best, chillest hotel room and i hadnt seen any of them in EONS i miss u guys come back to cali soon!!!! and meeting angel and aj was really nice and i had a lot of fun hanging out with them and also going to dennys at midnight in cosplay. andrew and jesse are local friends so i see them a lot but it was still fun hanging out with them at the con! they braved the outdoors to meet up with me at the ff shoot. brave souls. 

i met a lot of real cool new people too, and people id seen once or twice before at cons and got to spend more time with and everyone was just! really nice!! and fun to talk to!! hopefully the people i met felt the same about me and i didnt annoy anyone or talk anyones ear off.. too much cause i sure do that my apologies if i was the biggest pest in the universe!!! 

ALSO SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN ARTIST ALLEY LOL.. someone was selling ffxv omanjuus so i got a prompto and a noctis!! omanjuus are my absolutest favoritest kind of merch ever. im so happy. actually i mostly just bought xv merch for myself... OOPS i got some cute sorikai tho!!! i got more stickers for my travel sketchbook :3 

AND!!!!! AND I GOT TO PLAY KH3 DEMO!!!! the lines were capped for most of the weekend... except for when i walked by and one of the booth employees went “PSST HEY GUYS, WANNA PLAY KINGDOM HEARTS 3?” hells yeah. uh, i know some people dont wanna see details about kh3 until they actually play it and idk if anyones actually READING this but im gonna talk about the demo so like.. leave now if u dont wanna see any of that

the gameplay!! was so good!! it was so FAST and smooth and intuitive! but it was creative and cool and you can switch keyblades in combat and the attraction attacks are SO CUTE! theres something so emotionally satisfying about killing things with the tea cups. you could play olympus and/or toy story world if you had time to do both in the 15 minutes you got (i finished toy story and almost finished olympus!) the toy story world was so cute!! TOY SORA IS THE MOST ADORABLE and fighting in the mechs was actually really fun!! the cutscenes were included for toy story but there were 7 minutes of cutscene so i skipped it rip. there’s nothing new that hasnt been seen in trailers and stuff yet but it was super fun to actually play it!! it’s a lot like bbs/ddd gameplay but a lot better and idk, im not an expert in gamedev but it just felt like combat had a good.. flow to it and its a million lightyears away from the clunky gameplay of kh1!!!! ITS COME SO FAR!! IM PROUD! and also it just feels like its a REAL CONCRETE thing thats actually happening now that ive actually gotten a chance to play it for real. kh3 isnt fake yall. wow. wow. 

ANYWAY. THAT WAS A LOT OF TALKING AND I FEEL LIKE THERES A HUNDRED MORE THINGS I WANNA SAY it was a good weekend. im very tired. im so sad its over. idk when my next con is but im hoping mayyybe ala???? maybe????????? we’ll see! other than that uhhh i really just have disneyland planned so... i guess its time to actually finish riku for the halloween party.

[xllxxrbxg]

hmmm gold digger prank yaya call my aliens from mars and tell them to get the gold

hmmmm idkkkk. update ko lang sa life rn may bebe na me. karlo is his name. he's a nice guy. takes me out (not as a hitman) occasionally. I like how he treats me; he gives me freedom. And it only means he trusts me very well. I dont have any idea where he gets the energy to trust me, but that's how it goes. Kinda shocking ba na may bebe na me hihi kakasabi ko lang sa las entry ko na ayoko maging taken GAGI tapos here i am parang clown. Pero anyways, masarap lang din sa feeling na may nakakaappreciate sayo nang ganun. Tho we just met palang and since day 1 of that meeting him personally, magkalandian na kami agad AHSDHAHDHA kasi sa chat di naman kami nag flirt in any way usap lang lagi. And di ko rin sya feel non sa chat kasi parang ang kulit na ewan, pero LOOK AT ME. So ayon naglaplapan kami the other other week pa. Make out game strongk naman kahit papano pero man his hands ... they long asffff. Anyway ayon I asked for a hickey, gave me one, and the next morning I was scolded by mom lmfao WAS FUNNY TBH BECAUSE i didnt even try to hide it. And my tito also saw it he was like "ano yang nasa neck mo? bat may pasa" and i was like "ah hehe yung ano kasi yung necklace" AHASDHHADHASH AND MOM WAS THERE SHE WAS LIKE "yung necklace nya nagtala sa pagtulog nya *sips coffee bites bread* HAHAHAHHAHAHA OMFG but later on when we went to camalig she noticed it was a real hickey and yeah I got scolded because Im so pasaway daa. Anyways LOVE YOU MOM UWU! HEHE. So ayon nga ayoko na magpromis na maglolog in ako dito daily kasi di naman natutupad. Pero kahapon kwento ko lang mars nagsakay ako sa big bike GARA PAREH as in lahat nakatingin sa tormots nung kasama ko. Nameet ko lang din sa bumble tho tig vibe check ko man sya for several weeks. And sya rin kausap ko nung time na suicidal ako so goods naman. Ok naman sya may dead air lang kaso sometimes baka nagkakahiyaan and stuff. nilibre nya ako ng milk tea, AND HAHA KASI ang weirdt tho nagtanggal ako mask. Di ako usually natanggal mask, heck si jeff na bff q never pa ako nakita personally na walang mask HAHAHAHA Anw ayon was fun tho napa Holy Mary ako habang nakasakay sa likod niya. Kasi first of all the ride was bumpy, second of all the seat was small ASS!!! and walang hawakan sa likod. Anyway people were staing hihi I DO LOVE ATTENTION! I was wearing a tank top, cargo pants, combat boots, and on top of it all I had a tatt on my arm. DAMN SHAWDDIE @ ME. LOL. Loved the temporary feeling of royalty. Gara ba naman ng motor. It was green and black in color and it was a cool ass expensive motor !! it was worth 300k+ if irc. ANW ayun had fun naman. Tho I mostly did it so that I would stray from depression but I am still depressed. I have to do something about it INTERNALLY and deal with it with myself. And stop going out with people as a shortcut to heal the depression. But anw ayun I am glad there are people that go out with me because I am sad. Plus I am grateful Karlo allows me to go out with my other friends despite that they are guys. Man that guy trusts me so much, I will not break it. Anyways he's a nice guy, but at the same time you cant have it all yk. I dont like it when he walks ahead of me just cause he has longer legs and bikes, but we can work on that. Anyways, people underestimate people on bumble. Some guys don't look like it but theyre actually rich. First example i have is AJ. he aint lookin rich man. If anything, he looks like he smokes 8 packs a day. But I was wrong he actually smokes 9. CHAROT. Mans was like teasing me most of the time and I GOT PISSED SO I FIRED BACK. but days passed he sent me 1.3k--- LIKE WHAT FOR WHAT????? I was mean yet he knew I needed something to cheer me up and HE SENT MONEY?? WHO THE FUCK SENDS 1.3K AHAHAHHAHAH SHET GANDALANGTALAGAMINSANMARS Then the other one I met just yesterday was dustin. He goes to school at UST manila and he treated me outside too. He owns the 300k motor BUT TELL YOU WHAT HE AINT LOOKIN RICH ON HIS PROFILE. If anything, I wouldnt swipe right tbh but apprarently, I did. So lesson here is dont judge people by their looks,

actually try to have a conversation with them, and treat them fairly and not be mean just because its online. Also, mostly the goodlooking ones on these dating apps are the asshole ones lmfao. Tho there are guys who look like literal shit and are assholes too. Lol anyway the third one is Karlo which I started seeing a month ago. I met up with him because I was visiting Naga temporarily and then I got bored. Supposedly I would meet up with miki because we were talking for sometime already but he was not making things happen so I just grabbed whoever was available that time and it was Karlo. Was hesitant at first, because I didnt match the vibe he had online and was too makulit for me. But to my surprise on our very first meeting, he picked me up with a fortuner. I thought he'd bring a clanky ass car or somn when he said he'd borrow from his father. Anw, was nervous when I entered the car because I was unfamiliar with the person and it was sinking into me that it could be my last day on earth. So I was like yeah he might have a car yada yada yada didnt pay much attention just yet. So we went to this field apparently people call it naga view. not much too see just overlooking the city. IT WAS A DAMN FIELD!!!!!! IDK WTD BUT HE TOOK ME THERE I WAS READY TO FIGHT FOR MY LIFE I HAD A CUTTER WITH MEEE anways.... was fun date. we had to return the car by 3 we were kinda late. so we went to his house was a nice house it had an office. was then again surprised to see a signange with their surname on it and it entailed they had a realty firm. And also turns out they own a damn resort. bro. both of his parents are engineers and are real estate brokers. and it ain even show on the pfffppp man people on bumble really be keeping it lowkey. Pero yeah he isnt rich, his parents are. that makes him a rich kid. But anw di ko naman habol money ew im not like that. I may like free stuf, but I dont chase people for money unless theyre my client or if i lent money lmfao. Just surprises me how people be rich. like damn his bike is like 130k...... man what in the wealth.... also theres zef. another good friend of mine. his dads a lawyer. idk but they seem rich plus his bike costs 65k...... thats cheper than karlos but like........... yall underestimate bikers too. man they RICH. tho you can get budget bikes but idk how youll keep up with guys that has feather weight expensive ass bikes that they hoist up single handedly LMAO. eat the rich. anyways i guess this is what this entry is all about. Me making kwento about people that are rich. I will get rich soon too. I know God will help us get what we deserve after all that losing, it is time to win. <3333

[mainjane-blog]

Last week was a blur, that’s why I like to jot down thoughts while I remember. I don’t want my memories and feelings to fade. We went to the city last week,(Anthony’s Idea)I was tired truthfully, but he kept saying go with the flow. He motivates me to fun things and go to cool places. My phone died so just in the old school moment. Ant snapped a few pics without me noticing. And it shows I don’t give a fuck when I’m eating a NY pizza. No posing, no angles. I go ALL IN. The cheese? The sauce, the bread? I closed my eyes on the first bite. And a few more after that. Speaking on that...Snacking...I have eaten like shit this past week. Like I have never seen a snack in my life. Like a frat boy. Like the kid eating the whole cake in Matilda. So since Friday, I have been making a constant effort, STEP AWAY FROM THE FOOD. I have to keep it tight. We went to Stew's Friday, so picked up some quality ingredients and eating from home. Still planning to get the make your own pizza from Bruno's though..

Favorite moment of last week-Anthony made my anxious ass get out of the car and pick up my Italian sub at a deli in the Bronx. The big mike combo it’s called. I’m terrified of the busyness of New York delis. (How did I live in Staten Island for a few years?) So thought this is the perfect time, no one will be there and I welcome the quiet. Thank you Ant for getting me out of my weird head and knowing me so well you thought of that idea in the first place. A cute old Italian man was so friendly when I walked in. Glad I had this moment!

Anthony-We haven't been around each other for this long in awhile. Let me emphasize, no travel and going into work is currently not allowed and the gym/outside sports are closed(and now the track.) The two places that separate Anthony and I the most. So we are just home or at the park, (that was recently taken away ). We are playing, laughing, wrestling, watching great movies and shows, (Contagion, Invisible Man, The Hunt, Curb your enthusiasm finale) exercising, and cooking. (Take me home tonight, don't let me go till I See the light.)So Worth being tired. We stay up so late man, it's the only time we are not working or with the kids, and the kids are going to bed later too. I Would say Anthony and I go to bed 1am, midnight the earliest. But like I said, one of my favorite parts of the day.

With the kids. Space Jam, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Richie Rich, and we just watched Sonic. Damn that was a good movie, pretty impressed. AJ,Anthony, and Aidan already watched it, so they were excited to see my reaction. Oh and the series finale of Henry Danger was on Saturday night, it was AJ's favorite show. We all had Stew Leonard’s popcorn and soaked in the last episode ever. AJ was sad when it ended,I hugged him and he cried. I told him I know that pain, I felt a loss and emptiness when Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones ended, or any of my favorite shows that have been on for awhile, and Harry Potter. I Cried afterwards for all. Love that he is like me and has this sweet side to him, we get each other.

The lows-feeling overwhelmed. I’m a mess and snippy at times. Guilt, AJ and I were working on a reading comprehension paper. He was doing Great and we were having fun and talking in between answering the questions , didn’t manage time well so we missed a zoom call with his class. This one had the teacher and some more kids than the last one. I cried because I felt awful and guilty we missed it. I saw a picture of the call, which brought on the tears. I’m fine till I’m not, does that make sense? Feel so badly we missed it. Ughhh. Im Having Trouble keeping in touch with friends and family. Since I’m so focused on this shit show and just being home with my family. I’m semi good on keeping balance, with this situation I am not. I need structure and to fill my schedule to keep my mind active. If I do too much or too little it’s mentally exhausting. I need a middle ground, so all of this is very hard on me. I need outside activities and social contact a bit to keep me healthy. Thank god my husband is home. I have ups and downs like everyone, and just keeping on!

Now what should I eat?

[survivorisladelasmunecas-blog]

Rites Of Passage - Day 78

(Here is some music to listen to while reading this)

Enfado Tribe (Cole, Jaiden, Eddie, Matthias, Dylan)

AJ -  Putting you all the same because I didn’t get to play with you guys in the beginning. If y’all didn’t go it would have been my tribe and I would not be here so thanks for losing? Again, sorry.

Brandan -  Cole,Jordan campaigned hard to get you back into this game. From what I read of your bio I believe you would have either became a massive threat or you would have ended up like my friend Nin: All bark no bite and a second boot. You seem cool though.  Dylan, Hey Halloween, why do you have to be so racist to not let us pick you to come back? I mean really?  Eddie, You know I tried to get you back into the game, because you seemed cool and I hated the argument between bring in Tyler or.  Jaiden, From what I heard of everyone you seemed like a mess. Literally, the entire tribe ruled out bringing you back in from the get go. Don’t know what you did to do that, but yeah they really didn’t want you in. Matthias, You know, during that last challenge I completely forgot you were in the game XD, I literally had NO idea who you were. I want to get to know you though.

Eva -  Matthias, Not gonna lie I was DREADING seeing you on the cast bc after Bora Bora I was definitely kind of rude to you and I'm sorry about that! I definitely wish we'd gotten a chance to play together just to make up for all of that. Cole, Dylan, Eddie, Jaiden, I've never met you guys and we didn't get any chance to speak so I really don't have anything to say! Sorry <3

James - Matthias, Never really got to interact, a victim of the slaughter. Jaiden, Might have caused a mess if you got a foothold in the game since you're a bit of a schemer which could have shaken things up. Eddie, My original partner in Newfoundland, once again I watched as you got booted first ;_; Dylan, I was excited to potentially play with you but it just wasn't in the cards I suppose. Cole, Never really got to interact, a victim of the slaughter 

Shea

AJ -  Hope you are doing okay actually.

Brandan -  You know you seemed cool, and then you quit, and I heard why from a close friend of mine, and to be honest I’m kind of happy you left

Eva - Hope you are okay

James -  Hope everything is alright with you surrounding the reasons for your quit

Victor

AJ -  I heard a lot of things about you going into the season, a lot of really good things so when I saw you out first I was SHOOK. Sorry bud!

Brandan -  I honest to god though you didn’t deserve to go the round you did. You tried so hard in that challenge and I thought you would have stayed! Well I guess the idol’s fucked you over, but it’s a game, I think we can all say fuck Dustin for the roulette of idols.

Eva -  Another Bora Bora person ahhhh. Just like Matthias I wasn't excited to see you but in hindsight I'm sure that was an overreaction.

James -  RIP victor @ all those idols getting played.

Aidan

AJ -  OMG AIDAN <3 Voting you out was really hard because it was the first tribal but you also self-voted so I don’t feel that bad….

Brandan -  You were so inactive you got voted out unanimously with an idol in your pocket. Like what the hell dude.

Eva -  Never got a chance to meet up with y'all!

James -  Never really got to interact with any of you.

Zack

AJ - Zack/Seamus, Putting you both together because I see you both as the same. Both big threats in a tribe that didn’t really want to play. Sorry!

Brandan -  Don’t know much of you, other than you got a ton of praise for coming back and playing. I don’t know much about my tumblr survivor history however I’ll try to catch up.

Eva -  Never got a chance to meet up with y'all!

James -  Never really got to interact with any of you.

Seamus

AJ -  Zack/Seamus, Putting you both together because I see you both as the same. Both big threats in a tribe that didn’t really want to play. Sorry!

Brandan -  : I honestly thought that you would have either survived the tribe or left much earlier due to you being the only winner in the game. In your vote out I thought Connor was a gonner. Turns out I was wrong. Good game.

Eva -  Never got a chance to meet up with y'all!

James -  Never really got to interact with any of you.

Steven

AJ -  After you went I figured that my original tribe was going to be targeted (which was and also wasn’t the case) but I heard that you kinda just disappeared. Hope you are doing well!

Brandan -  Ditto everything I said about Aidan. Except you lasted longer, and you were my last pick I believe.

Eva -  OMG I don't think you ever accepted my contact request but RIP! I think you were probably busy which I can definitely relate to :v

James - Started on Brown then went to Yellow.

Ricky

AJ -  LMFAO. Okay Ricky you were causing way too much shit for no reason and when I found out that you all were doing Andrei I had to take that opportunity to take you out. You had too many connections and were stirring the pot for no reason. Sorry!

Brandan -  Fr om what I heard from others you and Billy were like this huge duo premade whatever schablang. So ultimately I’m a bit mixed on you. You seemed cool, but I’m glad you're out. So much confusing emotions.

Eva -  Never got a chance to speak to you either!

James -  Another person I was never on a tribe with, rip idols

Jacob

AJ -  UGH Jacob why did you have to get 3 strikes! I missed having conversations with you and was so happy when we slayed the scavenger hunt to beat 15th place! Miss you!

Brandan - The amount of knowledge I know about you is so little that I only remembered you due to your skype picture. A Serperior. Yeah not a good impression, and then you go and get yourself medevaced.

Eva -  omg THE Jacob Albright what a king. I don't think we've ever had a chance to play more than like, two days worth of game together but what a god.

James -  We were together for a good part of the pre-merge yet... I still don't think we ever interacted? I don't know if you interacted with anyone? Your presence was quite an enigma leading up to your evacuation.

Jevvon

AJ -  Jev ill be honest, I don’t know why I refused to vote you. You were very inactive and didn’t have a computer but I thought you were a really nice person. Hope everything is going well in the U.K

Brandan -  I AM SO FUCKING GLAD I PUT YOU ON THE OTHER TRIBE. I expected you to go WAY earlier than you did because of you lack of computer. Why you were never voted out I will never know. Do yourself a favor and buy yourself a computer. It will help you in the long run if you play another one of these games. Thank you.

Eva -  The first Negacion to go! We were such a great starting tribe but I definitely didn't get to know you as well as the others sadly.

James -  Your self voting yourself into a tie and eventually out of the game was pretty lolzworthy and was a pretty fitting end to your story.

Tyler

AJ -  : Flop bitch! JK! We slayed the premerge together and then I think things got too busy in life for you so that’s where the 3 strikes come in. I’m not sure if you leaving hurt or helped me but I hope you are doing well!

Brandan -  All I know about you is that you tried to vote me out, you didn’t talk fucking game with anyone, you were useless, and you got medevaced. I was honestly sad to see you go, only because everyone was gonna target you first vote XD.

Eva -  OMG your idol play being the thing that put me on the lagoon...well, it was my own fault but still, it's so funny thinking back on that.

James -  You were a mess of an ally. It was fun playing with you for the hot second we were together on a tribe but you really did get all those strikes over literally nothing LOL. N e ways your evac probably helped me in the long-run so I'm not to sad hehe.

Monty

AJ -  I voted for you 2 or 3 times and I don’t regret it. You didn’t really care about this game and caused unnecessary drama. Bye!

Brandan -  Okay so I heard all these rumors about you being a big threat and all of that stuff and I honestly thought you were too passive to pull it off. Give or take you did get idoled out and eventually lost in the Lagoon but yeah, I think you are a good player, you just need to believe in yourself more.

Eva -  Ahhh it sucks that you just didn't have time for the game anymore (again: relatability) but I did enjoy the one talk we got to have at the lagoon!

James -  Another player I never interacted with, must suck to know you were so close to merge only for 3 people to essentially quit right when it hit ;_;

Jordan 

AJ -  omg Jordan. You caused a LOT of waves in the last two rounds in this game that kinda set up how the merge would play out. I really wish you didn’t give up on the lagoon but im happy I got to see you play this game!

Brandan -  Jordan my friend. I tried so hard to save you. SO. FUCKING. HARD. I literally tried blackmailing Bodhi and everything but at that point he was too close to Austin (Look how that turned out XD). I think I’m the only person in this game that actually knew you at heart, your a cool dude, amazing personality, and overall fun to be around. Hopefully you let everyone know your true self so they all don’t think of you as a pathological liar <3

Eva -  Another Bora Bora rep <3 your argument with Austin is by far the most interesting thing that ever happened at the lagoon and I was gagging the whole time.

James - You were a bit of a bitch to me but at the end of the day I am sorry I didn't use an idol on you. I was a bit paranoid and the last minute aspect of it all had me overthinking it. However you did stop trying at the lagoon when 10 minutes of effort would have won you immunity so I don't feel that bad!

Connor

AJ -  DAD!!!!!!!! I miss you so much omg. I’m really happy that I got to meet you during this game because you are such a sweet person. Can’t wait to send you random snaps all the time!

Brandan -  You know I never understood why you hated me. Maybe it was just because I refused to lay down and die. Maybe it was because I snapped at you when I knew you wanted me out. I don’t know. But you and I had a little rivalry throughout the early portion of the merge, and I campaigned HARD to get you out when you did. Didn’t work out the way I intended but hey, I still won out. Maybe sometime we can sit down, have some hot cocoa, and maybe become friends :).

Eva -  You definitely came in to the lagoon with a lot to say and plenty on your mind. I actually spoke more to you than a lot of people in the game which is weird in hindsight but you were a lot easier to carry a conversation with than some.

James -  We never really talked until a couple hours before the tribal you went at where your tone kinda turned me off. I saw you as a solid vote against me so that was pretty much the reason behind getting you out though at the end of the day.

Lil AJ

AJ -  WE GOT TO PLAY TOGETHER THIS TIME! Ugh when I saw you on the cast I was so happy yet so sad because I knew we would be paired together. Im glad we were because even though we didn’t spend a lot of time in the game together, I had a lot of fun strategizing and scheming with you <3 Love ya!

Brandan - You were literally the only person I was blunt about voting off. At the point I told you my mind was set in stone, and I figured I just be honest with you than extend false hope. I hope you find happiness with your puppy! Even though I only knew you for 3 days, you seemed really cool :)

Eva -  ughhhh this really sucked. When the four of us knew it was the last lagoon and someone had to go I had a really hard time actually deciding who to vote for. I wasn't going to turn on Andrei no matter what and I didn't want to vote Brandan either so it came down to you :/. At least you returned the favor so it felt a bit less crappy, still sucked though!

James -  I thought for sure you were gonna return from the lagoon but then you got robbed at the very end ;_;

Jay

AJ -  I honestly think this should be flipped. Jay I thought you had what it took to win. This boot was such a shock to me. I thought you would be the last person from our tribe in this game. You are a strong threat in any game you are in (BBHELL, Tumblr Survivor, etc.) Im so happy we finally got to bond over a game together and I’m excited to talk to you in a few days!

Brandan -  There are so many words I can use to describe you it’s not even funny. All of them are positive, but what can you do. You were a seriously good player, and I understand Austin’s decision to target you instead of someone else. I seriously appreciate you giving me an immunity necklace that brought me back in, it was super nice of you. Even though it kind of did fuck you over that tribal.

Eva -  oh my god there is soooo much I can say about you Jay, you were probably one of the first people I truly aligned with when we swapped together. I put a lot of trust into you and I was genuinely excited to return from the lagoon to play with you and some other people. But needless to say, It's Complicated starring Meryl Streep. I'm sure we'll discuss it at length either when I join jury or I'm at FTC!

James -  You were a huge player in this game, I viewed you as being one of if not the most well connected player. Pretty much the full package, just so happened we were on different sides come merge.

Matt

AJ -  We never really got to talk this game but you seem cool! H.A.G.S! No but seriously im sorry that you went inactive but that is kind of what I relied on that round. Hope you are doing well!

Brandan -  Matt my buddy! I’m sorry that you left on a self vote huge blindside. I honest to god though no one in their right fucking mind would take you out. Seems like I was wrong huh? Oh well, you were funny and a truly nice guy. I hope you're enjoying ponderosa! And let me know how that thing with your boss went you never told me the resolution!

Eva -  You were probably my favorite person to talk to on OG Negacion. We actually stayed together for the whole game before I Cirie'd myself so I saw you as one of my top people in this season. But we definitely fell out of touch later on and I'm sure you have a lot going on right now so it's no surprise.

James -  - You were a fun presence throughout the game and it was fun to see someone not take themselves too seriously. Hope everything is okay as you're apparently still mia ;_;

Austin

AJ -  LMFAOOOOOO. Austin you know from BBHell that we really don’t mesh and this game proved otherwise. I think we were both on the same page that we needed to keep lying to each other but keep each other close at the same time. It was fishy. You are a really strong player in all aspects of the word but you leaving made me VERY happy. Enjoy jury!

Brandan -  Okay here we go. Austin, I love you personality wise. I think you truly are an amazing guy, with amazing stories and that stuff. However, at the point of your vote out you just lost trust with everyone, which is why you got voted out. Although I didn’t vote for you that round, I tried to spare you from that vote. However… people had other ulterior motives. Other than one of your plans getting me sent to the lagoooooooooooooooooooon and yelling at me after the Jordan vote you are really cool :).

Eva -  Not much to say here :v just kidding! Austin I'm sure you still see me as some manner of snake. I definitely don't think I am and hopefully, like Jay, we can discuss it at length later on but for now I'll say I definitely had your back and trusted you with some pretty important things :v

James -  At first I was a bit hesitant to FULLY trust you with how messy the round was when Brandon went home. However, I am glad we got on the same page because the next 3 rounds it was fun the way we schemed together even when things seemed super hopeless.

Billy

AJ -  Ok this was a tough one. I won’t go into the details of why I flipped just yet but it was one of the hardest choices I had to make in this game. Billy, from the swap I knew that we were going to be close allies. Despite us voting against each other for majority of the votes, you were someone that I knew I could be real with and that you would be real back. I miss you so much and I can’t wait to talk to you soon! Enjoy Kohl’s!

Brandan -  My dude! I didn’t flip on you! You were actually a really cool guy, and one of the people I connected with most in this game. You just seemed so… genuine, it was a breath of relief that I desperately needed. I think your grandpa would be really proud of you if you ever did this shit in real life, I think you give his memory a good name.

Eva -  We were never really aligned in the game but by the time we actually started talking to each other I found you to be a pretty cool guy. We actually have a lot in common and idk, regardless of how the game turns out I can definitely say getting to know you a bit was a fun aspect.

James -  - We had a bit of an adversarial relationship early on in the merge. I was genuine about potentially working with you but unfortunately it never really panned out. At the end of the day I know you're a nice guy though and our interests just never fully aligned.

Andrei

AJ -  My last OG Abatimiento <3. This vote was difficult too. However Andrei, you overlapped in a lot of groups and I had a strong feeling I wasn’t in your long term game. Despite that, I loved getting to meet you in this game Andrei. You are such a sweet and kind person and I hope that we can continue to talk after the game.

Brandan -  You know I never really understood why you tried to turn on me. I thought I was being honest with you and straightforward. Either you saw me as a threat or I just didn’t say something, I don’t know. But I wanted you to stay longer, you were really cool to be around. Upupupupupupu~~~~

Eva -  Ugh you going home started my spiral of being depressed with this game! You were probably my bestie in this game. We're closer to each other in age than we are to some of these others, we have a lot of the same interests, and I just enjoyed our talks. Definitely gutted when you left and I wish I'd been able to change it.

James -  You were a fun presence in the game after you returned from the lagoon. At the end of the day I just viewed you as a bigger threat than Brandon which led me to vote you out.

Renee

AJ -  Renee…. We got to meet right at the merge but we never really talked game for most of the merge. It was a weird feeling. However, you are a very sweet person and you are the QUEEN of Dustin’s seasons!

Brandan -  You are super sweet, and honestly I can’t say a bad thing about you. You were just like this bright little ray of sunshine, and even though everyone else literally said you didn’t talk to them, I didn’t see that at all. I’m sorry things ended the way they did, but you are an amazing person, remember that.

Eva -  Had my legacy advantage been transferrable you know 100% I would've given it to you. I wanted you to stay in so badly! I like avoid speaking whenever I can but even I was able to muster up the courage to try to change the way the vote was going. Absolutely devastated to lose you for sure.

James -  - Us coming together with Eva at final 8 was genuinely one of if not my favorite moment in the game and at the time I was being genuine about it. Then I remembered about the legacy advantage and your potential ties with Andrei and my path to the end which kind of changed my thoughts. I am probably the one you were referencing at tribal about ignoring you since I lowkey did ghost you that round and that was probably a mistake on my part along with the deception at final 7 so for that I am sorry.

Bodhi

AJ -  Last one! Bodhi I loved us bonding over how much we both despised Austin. If you two were secretly working together for real im not sure but I enjoyed the conversations. Overall, Bodhi you were a strong player in this game and a huge threat to win it all. I hope you are surviving on jury and I cant wait to talk to you soon.

Brandan -  Well I’ll put you out of your misery. I was the third. I absolutely adore you as a person, and you are one of the coolest guys here. However, you were also very strategic, and made a lot of votes happen. I’ve wanted you out for a while, and hey, it happened. I still feel bad for the way you/Austin broke apart but hey, partly my fault. I hope you two get back together!

Eva - I think this marks the third straight time I just didn't vote correctly at all. We had a lovely call before the vote that I enjoyed and I completely saw your POV but apparently the others didn't! I definitely would've gunned for you next because you played a great game, though.

James -  If someone asked me during some of the early merge rounds that we would be working together during the late-game then I would have thought they were crazy. They way you can think thought situations is actually very tactful and that pretty much cemented my view of you as a huge threat. It was cool though to talk to you more one on one past your tribal persona though.

[survivorbermuda-blog]

OWEN’S RITES OF PASSAGE

30th: Constance - ummmm crackt legend????? You were someone I was so shook to see playing these games again. Not really sure what happened or why u had to leave again. But hope you’re doing well!!! Unless you’re actually racist, then I don’t! Xo <3

29th: Mark Wilson - I do not know u but you rlly lucked out of escaping a 70 day season so soon huh

28th: Nick Nox - Thank god you left early bc one Nick was trouble enough for me kdjhjfjsdkfhjd

27th: Joey Palumbo - AHHHH I’m sorry we never got to play together! I was looking forward to talking more. Maybe next time

26th: Elliot Adams - you have a cool name we never were on a tribe together tho rip

25th: Dom Rou - LITERALLY YOU’RE A STUPID HOE?????? You asked me to apply to this game with you, YOU GOT ME INTO THIS MESS, and then you QUIT on me. The beginning of this game was 1000% different with all the talks we had, and I wonder how things would’ve changed if you hadn’t walked when you did. I prob wouldn’t be in f4 lmao so i guess thanks for dragging me into this and then peacing out ily

24th: Lily Lim - LOL Lily <3 You seemed like a really sweet person, even though your timezone made it a little hard to talk. I’m sorry you were the easiest target at that first tribal we went to as a swapped tribe, but the beef between you and Saxon made it the right choice. Hope you’re doin well!

23rd: Madison - ANOTHER QUEEN GOOOOOOOOOOD????? Robbed too soon????? I was so excited to play with you and Dom and then y’all got screwed over by the swap :( I’m sure we’ll play again someday tho

22nd: Julian - Julian!!! Your vote seems so so long ago, I wonder when these will start feeling like things I remember. Unfortunately the tribal divides between us pit us against each other a bit, but I’m glad we got to talk at least a little.

21st: Asya - KJDHJKHFKJSDHFK OK IM SORRY WE DID YOU SO DIRTY??? Dom had so many good things to say about you and I was excited to finally get to meet you and play with you even though he was gone. My wig went flyin real far when you came and snappt at me about telling AJ his name was going around….oops. After that I felt like there wasn’t enough trust left between us :( but now that I am hostin you I hope you forgive me

20th: Saxon - crackt legend????? First idol play of the game??????? Im shaking. You were someone else that I had known before the game started. I know you really really care about the games you’re in and you’re someone who fights as hard as possible, so it was sad to see you go so soon.

19th: Ryan - WOWOOWOW! When we met back on Paget I really thought you were someone who was going to go far with me in this game! I had so much fun talking to you and it was great to finally meet someone new right from the start after playing so many games with people I’d already met. You’re a smart player and a really social guy, and I’m more sad that you didn’t make it than I was about D*M!!!!!! I hope you get another shot at TS and I hope the math is alright lmao

18th: Dylan - idk who this is

17th: Haley - crossroads queen…...I was excited to actually know someone on the Tengaged tribe, even if it didnt help me out very much in the long run lol. Love u!

16th: Blake - We were never on a tribe together some how??? Through all those swaps omg. I’m sorry Maksym snatcht your record tho.

15th: Tee - Queen of Ponderosa…. I hope you’re still doing okay in there, hope they been feedin u well. I was excited to play together, and I really wish it would’ve worked out, but our agendas just ended up on entirely different pages during that first merge vote :( I don’t really know what the problem between you and Matt was, but unfortunately I had to side with someone I had been more loyal to from the start. You’re a queen though!!!! And I hope you’ve enjoyed seeing the game through a juror’s lens this past month!

14th: Sean - Hey Sean!!! You were one of the few Tengaged people I felt I didn’t connect with too much, mostly because the premerge time we spent together we never really went to tribal. I know you were one of the first casualties in a long line of people who left when I wanted it to be Nick… But I liked that you were always there for the tribals, and I feel bad that you went out that way after Nick used his exile :( Hope you’re doin okay!!

13th: AJ - AJ LEGEND!!! I really did love the group we had with Kage, even though my votes over this merge have probably said otherwise. I found myself in a weird position between wanting to work with you, but not wanting to vote out any of the names you gave me, and unfortunately it got to the point where I couldn’t keep protecting as many people as I would’ve liked, especially with Nick immune. I love you though buddy, and I hope we can talk again after this is all over.

12th: Kage - I don’t even know where to start omg. All I can think of is you wearing all of those shirts…. Probably the best thing I have ever seen at a tribal council. At the very start of this game, I never expected you to be someone I worked closely with. When you went around asking everyone where they idol searched, I was initially sketched out by you - but as time went on, I really appreciated having you as someone I could put trust in as the numbers got smaller. I don’t think here is the right place to go over all of the details of why I did what I did the round you left, but I respect everything you tried to do in this game and you’re one of the funniest people I’ve gotten to know from it. Can’t wait to see what shit ur gonna pull at FTC fkjshdfk

11th: Matt - Matthew Summers!!!! It was refreshing to actually get to work together from the start of a game this time, even through the rocky swaps pre-merge. I think of everything, your vote-off is the only one I was truly blindsided by, and I wish it could’ve been another way because talking to you about video games and thirsting over RJ was a refreshing break from all the stress lol. I love you!

10th: Nick - HOLY SHIT NICK!!! The man with nine lives in this game!!! I don’t really know why or how, but at some point I decided you had become my mortal enemy in the game. I think it’s because when we first met, you seemed to be trying to pull the strings a little bit on an alliance between me and some other TG people. Plus your scary poker skills… I immediately saw you as a dominant force, and it scared me to think of having you in the game for as long as you were. You had so many tricks up your sleeve, and you always had me on my toes - you were a huge reason that the merge portion of this game didn’t get stale or boring, and even though I’m happy to have finally conquered my enemy, I hope you’re proud of how well you did!

9th: Maksym - I’m not sure when we decided to work together, but you were someone I had 10000% trust in after those first couple merge votes. Especially when I was getting nervous about something (usually about Tim targeting me), you were at least there to listen. I know the timezone difference made it a little rough, but I’m glad we got to meet here and play together a bit :) I’m sorry you were ROBBED

8th: Rodrigo - I saved this one for last because you are probably the person I have the most to say to, even though I’m not quite sure how to say it. I don’t want to make this public forum into a place for us to hash out our own personal conflict, but I do want you to know that I meant all of the things I said to you out of friendship. You were a close friend to me in this game, and I appreciated that we kept each other safe as long as we could. I know you don’t want to hear it, but when I was given the choice between voting RJ or voting you, I had to side with the person who was willing to vote with me. I so so wish we could’ve made a vote work together that round, and I apologize for not giving you the same honesty in return about me writing your name down - though in hindsight, your idol could’ve done some serious damage that night. I hope you will forgive me for writing your name, because it was 10000% the best game decision for me that night, and it doesn’t reflect at all the way I feel about you outside of this game. And even more than all this game stuff I value your friendship to me. Even when we didn’t vote together, you were a friend, and that meant a lot to me. I love you a lot, and I hope you aren’t too mad at me by now.

7th: RJ - The love of my life….. Wow. When I saw the cast for this, I was SO BLESSED to have someone so hot and so straight on my tribe from the get-go. I love how your laid-back attitude mixes so well with your passion for this game. Even when we were bouncing the craziest ideas off each other, you were never afraid to try anything, and I’m glad we made it as far as we did together. I didn’t expect to ever use that idol on anybody but myself, but the thought of losing you too soon made me do something impulsive and I wouldn’t have done it any other way :) Talk to you soon <3

6th: Jake - I’m really thankful we got to talk in the couples days before you were gone. I know I could’ve done more to approached you on a personal level even after our games didnt quite align, and it was my bad that it took me so long to do so. I hope your Glee rewatch is keeping up, and maybe we’ll get to have a tiny Bermuda reunion if I visit in the fall since we are both gonna be future teachers :)

5th: Lily - It’s so weird to think that the first time we met was all the way back in Malibu. From the blindside in that game, to meeting IRL, to beasting it out in this one together, we’ve come a long way!! You were a phenomenal player this time around - a beast in the challenges, always staying loyal, and still somehow never managing to piss anybody off. I’m sorry that it was you and not me last night, but I know one day you’re gonna come back and snatch the win you deserve!!!

[circleofcatastrophe]

Episode 1- Big Brother Week

Title: I’m probably gonna shit myself so that’s how day 1 is going

Max

Day 1: everyone is saying hi and I have a big ass paper to right that I haven't started that's due tomorrow and I drank a lot of coffee and I don't drink coffee so I'm probably gonna shit myself so that's how day 1 is going

Julia

Should’ve hexed Tim he a cancer . Cancers are tricksters

Vi

I think I understand the challenge now that I was removed. Thanks Tim. ALL MY IOS PEEPS ARE GREAT. Cept I'm pretty sure they're gonna stab me early bc they dislike me :^). That's okay bc I'm only here for the hosts <3 jkjk. I love them. The tribe is fantastic even tho I have no idea who most of these people are. I hope some of the challenge will be familiar or else rip me.

Tim

The cast seems so great and iconic. I really like Sammy and Jacob but I'm sure everyone else already does.

Jacob

first of all i want to die. also sammy won hoh nice idk him all that well so im a little bit nervous. i dont really know whats gonna happen but its whatever wigg!! my strategy is to have an emotional breakdown about my day in public chat so everyone feels bad for me and keeps me safe this round :~)

Tim

Sammy won and woo! I knew he was gonna win but lets see who he snakes with his nominations.

Vi

Sammy who? I didnt realize who was in the tribe. Jkjk. I could carefully less. It’s been a day and so I haven’t gotten close to many people. Hopefully when I finish my irl stuff I can finally focus but if I get voted out (which I hope not) that’ll be fine too. Can’t wait to see how tribal or whatever that is about to happen turns out like

JG

Ugghhh so close to winning HoH oh well, I gave it to Sammy cause we talked alot and it would feel wrong to not give it to him plus I wanted to secure my spot this week and he guaranteed I would not go up, let's hope. Not many other people have talked to me which, is a little unsettling but maybe I am too paranoid.

Chrissa

I am glad sammy won as he promised me safety. not much else has happened but I will update when there is.

Christian

Okay first DR of the season. Nicole's a bitch. I don't think we will ever get along, and neither of us has made the effort to add each other on Skype. Now that we got that out of the way, let's move to things that are actually relevant. I love all the new faces in this cast. I've never seen any of these people before, except Regan and Max. I think I hosted Louise in BB Unititled? Unless there's another Louise in the community, that I don't know of. I've been talking to people one on one, and most of those conversations have been genuine. Yesterday evening I found out Jacob is from WV and we live like 30 minutes away from each other. So that was an instant connection, and we ended up forming an alliance called "West Virginia Legends". Let's hope that actually lasts. I have some faith that it will. When the house call happened I was like "yes let me get on that call". 1. I had the thought of Sammy and his nominations 2. I knew if I got on the call it would give me a chance to talk to people and try to form a bond 3. If I would have won HOH this week I wouldn't have needed to get on lol. Hopefully Sammy keeps his word and doesn't nominate anyone that was on call. When Sammy asked who we wanted nominated I said "well Nicole" but I didn't push for her to be on the block, because that's dumb and from my past experiences in games you never know when someone could already be working together early or late in the game. I just said "do whatever you feel comfortable with".

Arika

dang toot I was nominated

Louise

!!! im not nominated!!! we r living hunny!!! sammy treated ur girl good but aj is nommed fuck!!!!! i love him more than i love my own self he is my dad/son and such a precious human being!!! so im glad i don't have stress for myself but now i have stress for aj everythign is a mess! i hate regan she a ho and everyone else i like me and tim agree that the texture of bread is NASTY so we stan!

Tim

I haven't been nommed thats great! I get to sit back until a possible renom and hope im not renommed.

Tim

If I get renommed I will CRY

Tim

Woo im not nommed so im gonna vote for Louise tbh maybe. Or AJ let me check lol.

Sammy

Hey so this is my first confessional....I’ve been slacking! However I want to make good confessionals for this season so that when I look back at them I can be like “what was I doing”. Anyway, let’s start from the beginning! Okay so when I got casted I noticed a few familiar faces that i was so excited to play with. 1.) AUTUMN!! she is one of my favorite people in this community and I’ve played with her before, I don’t think I could betray her in this game so if at all possible i want to work with her. Then I see Jacob, Dom, and Regan! I’ve been wanting to play a game with these people so I’m glad it finally happened, they are super nice and just have fun personalities. I also saw Tim and Chrissa who I have played games with before, and Tim is so nice but Idk if he’s gonna leak any info of mine or not bc in Lago he leaked my alliance...RIP...but I think he’s a great person so🤷🏻‍♂️ And yeah love Chrissa!! I’m really liking JG so far and I want to work with him so woo.

Sammy

okay also, we had the hex HOH competition which is basically just luck. I was in class for the majority of it and when I got out of class I saw that there were like 6 people left and I was one of them. Then I started talking to people saying, “hey if you don’t hex me I won’t nom you:)” just so I could win the first HOH comp. I did this because I want to build up a good resume early on and i know this wouldn’t make me look like a threat bc it was a luck comp😅. So I won HOH, and decided to nominate two people who I got to know the least(also i told like so many others that i wouldn’t put them up so rip). I put up Arika and Aj and I really like them both it’s just they were the least active. Then we had POV and i fell asleep bc I’m a FLOP and i got a strike for not submitting. Arika pulled herself off(which I’m okay with bc she wasn’t really my target). Aj didn’t even submit which was sad bc their game was on the line:/ i had to renom and i chose Louise bc i have spoke only a few words with her and SHE IS SO NICE! However she was one of the few people who i didn’t promise safety. Again, she isn’t really my target. I was trying to cause the least amount of drama as possible and I think people are content with my choices. Oh and we had a “tribe/house” call but it kinda was a mess. I think everyone was slightly irritated that Regan wouldn’t let anyone else talk (no shade bc Regan is awesome) but yeah we got to know a lot about Regan and her bad driving skills...REGAN DONT RUN ME OVER IN THIS GAME. Anyways start your engines, it’s gonna be a wild ride!

Vi

So I picked uh... wait I forgot... Louise? I only picked him/her Bc it was the only name I could remember out of the two noms. Oops. Sorry. I mean it really doesn’t matter considering neither of the noms really talked. *sigh We shall see tho

Chrissa

I am so glad sammy is hoh especially with the veto i was made to play, idk who is gong but he said vote AJ and AJ hasn't attempted to talk to me so okay!

[cheesewithchips]

Heeeeeeyyyyy AJ!!!!!!!!!!! I missed you!! When I saw the update i almost cry from happiness! I honestly re-read fhyp like 8 times and whenever i felt sad i would come back and read any drabble or chapter

missed you too pal! wow eight times?! that’s wild lmao thank you for rereading i really love that people don’t just forget about the story it warms my heart actually. eeee strangely im happy to hear that you were killed! had to jump right back in with it haha new york is on the horizon! that’s gonna be fun especially with the current revelations going through birdy’s mind. and you know birdy had to stand up for harry when kenton was going on, couldn’t just blindly agree with his terms, that just isn’t her! and it’s interesting the heart eye comment 👀  that’s all i’ll say about that 👀  thank you so much for reading my love!