#it wasn't even affordable with a nearly full time job either

[quilleth]

I don't want to go back to work tomorrow T_T

[praiseinchains]

Gratitude Journal Entry (7/12/24)

Today I'm Grateful For:

*The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB)! I have been dealing with a fraudulent loan of $7,000 ($695 monthly payments) since the day AFTER my 30th birthday! The merchant was threatening me with legal action (which I now realize was a scare tactic) if I tried to dispute the loan through the loan company, Affirm. They claimed I was in violation of the contract - which I wasn't. Anyway, after a month and a half of dealing with the company, I came across a fairly recent post on Reddit that explained exactly what I was going through! There was a link to file a complaint through the CFPB and not even 2 weeks later they told me I was getting a full refund and was no longer responsible for the loan. Praise God! That post was a literal Godsend, and I am so grateful I no longer have to deal with this company.

*I got out 2 new poems yesterday. I love Haikus! I'm still a few behind but I plan to catch up quickly.

*For Friday. I know that each day feels like a perpetual Saturday since I'm ill and have no job, but I still have that mindset that M-F (8 am - 4 pm) is when I need to be working, regardless of how I feel. Fridays just bring me that relief that the work week is nearly over and that I can allow myself to be lazy the next day. It just ushers in the start of the weekend and I haven't been so happy for the weekend in a long time!

Something I'm Proud Of:

Because of my current situation I let myself fall victim to a horrible scam and I've never felt more stupid. I tried to take care of it right away by filing a dispute, but when blackmailing me didn't convince me to close the dispute the company resorted to telling me they were suing me for $7,000. This was enough to scare me into closing it and I literally had to beg them for another chance. I thought that was it; I was stuck with a $8,300 loan ($695 monthly payments) that I couldn't afford. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't try to get out of it without them threatening legal action (and since I've never dealt with anything like this before I had no idea if they had any basis for threatening me with legal action, even though I knew it was a scam). I couldn't go to my parents. They are semi-retired, and they use their retirement money either on the house or my brother. They couldn't help me, too, and I refused to tell them. I'm used to handling stuff on my own. I resorted to asking other people for help, but no one even responded. For over a month (and right after my 30th birthday - a year of new beginnings!) I dealt with this alone, with no help in sight. I prayed constantly and then one day God answered. He guided me to a post, and I found the CFPB and not even 2 weeks later they took care of it for me, and I am no longer responsible for the loan! That post was a literal Godsend. Even though God did all the work, I'm still proud that I didn't stop fighting. I felt entirely hopeless and felt constantly sick, worried, and on-edge, but I didn't give up and God took care of it for me. Praise the Lord!

Tomorrow I'm Looking Forward To

Going shopping for a summer jacket. I am always cold due to my disease, but I don't really have anything other than hoodies or winter coats and I'm not into jean jackets. I always feel silly taking my winter jacket around with me just in case I get cold somewhere (which I always do) so having a summer jacket will make me feel a lot less self-conscious.

[junebugwriter]

Tiring night. I work overnight as a hotel night auditor, and a lot of that is a pull between customer service and managing certain accounting tasks for the next day, which is a pretty easy job all things told, as long as the "customer service" variable is relatively manageable. However, it was a Friday night, and those are usually rough. Phones ringing off the hooks, guests lining up in front of me, you know the drill. It can be maddening.

I get the feeling it wasn't supposed to be like this. None of this is supposed to be like this. The more money people have to blow, the angrier they seem. I'm doing a the job of a supervisor for the pay of an entry level worker, and I've done so for six months, since the time the last overnight supervisor quit. I've just... kind of done it. Nobody asked. I've trained several people in that time. I've applied for the supervisor job, too. I've been told for a month now that any day now, the "promotion" will be mine. My pay hasn't gone up. My authorization hasn't gone up. I'm still just doing the same thing I've always been doing, for not nearly enough money.

But my story is hardly unique, isn't it? Companies don't do anything unless they are forced to. Management doesn't care about the workers until they are made to care. But I'm isolated. There are three (3) total overnight auditors at this hotel with service for over 600 rooms. We should have at least 6 people doing this job. But we don't. Because we've gotten by without it for so long, the management seems to think it's going to be fine forever. I've told my direct boss, who is fine and who gets it (tm) because she was a front desk worker not long ago and deals with all the front line bullshit on a regular basis. She's been fighting for me. But management has never responded to any email I've ever sent. They've never corresponded. I've only ever seen the current front office manager twice. In five years. Once was on accident as I was leaving. The other time was when he had just started working here. I had been here for three years at that point. I've outlasted three rounds of management hiring and firing.

From what I can tell, though, this is how it is EVERYWHERE. Every time I talk with other hotel staff, or with other service workers, or hell, even with OFFICE workers, people are being over-extended. This goes well beyond burnout. I mean, I'm burnt out. I know I am. But I'm managing doing this job full time, while writing a PhD dissertation... and now managing gender dysphoria and beginning transition, too. It's all so much. Everything is just happening so fast, it feels like the world is accelerating so fast, and nothing will ever slow down, get easier, or get better.

I don't know of any person my age who has hope things will get better any time soon. Unless we all do something about it, nothing will get done. I tried a union, but the anti-union work is very real around here. Also, I work with max 3 other people a night. I don't see the bulk of the work force, so organizing isn't exactly something I'm primed to do. Not that "organizing" is a thing I'm at all good at anyways.

I just feel so fucking fried, so tired. I know part of it is my disability, but I also just know that this isn't how things are supposed to be, either. Nobody should have to do all the shit we have to deal with. Nobody should be paid pennies for working at a place you could never in a hundred years reasonably afford given our wages. Yet here we are. And the worst part? Management keeps finding new, stupider ways to scam people out of their money, which makes customers madder because they KNOW that they're being scammed--and take it out on the service workers!! As if we're in any position to do anything about the pricing that was decided by the upper levels of everything! As if we don't already know that the hotel is garbage, overpriced, and only this expensive because we're in a tourism town!

I work all the fucking time, to the point where I don't want to do anything on my days off because I need the time to recover. But recovery never comes. Just more anxiety, more worry, more work. And it seems never ending.

It shouldn't be like this. This cannot continue. But it will, until we have a broad and connected working class to push back against the powers that be. I know, I'm isolated, disenfranchised, and disenchanted intentionally, that's how capitalism works. But goddamn, each day feels like we're all squealing into the next on bald tires and broken brakes, but if we stop, we starve.

This cannot continue. It all has to burn, so we can build a better world in the ashes of the old.

[colorfulbard]

Showtime

Summary: Housewives in a small town truly have nothing else better to do.

Pairing: Lifeguard!Eren x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Small themes of NSFW

Words: 1.6K

A/N: I saw an ask that I think was from @sleepysnk blog and I couldn't help myself. This one-shot was based on this video. Sorry in advance to her for not asking permission, but I really wanted to write this. I hope you like it!

~~~~~

Summer was a time for new beginnings in a young kid's life. School was out which meant three whole months full of time to make self-improvements. Or to just goof off with friends. During this time of experiencing the blazing sun, the first thing to come to any kid's mind is to be the first to hit the pool.

Not that it mattered who came first. In the small town of Shiganshina, eventually, the community pool would be full of family's trying to cool off from the summer heat. Whether some of the families were there by choice didn't fully matter. Mothers from all over town were dragged by their children regardless of what errands needed to be done.

In the past five summers, that's how it was. Mothers had no reason to come to the pool by choice ever since their eye-candy had left to college out of state. This summer, however, the housewives in-town were less reluctant to the idea of a day at the pool. As kids ran around the pool, ignoring the lifeguard's whistle, and whacked each other with pool noodles. Housewives found other ways to enjoy their time under the hot sun.

Amongst the loud splashing and laughter, a familiar ringtone chimed. This particular ringtone, however, was only familiar to every housewife that had been to the pool since the beginning of summer. The phone the ring was coming from lit up, an alarm displayed on the screen labeled as 'showtime'.

Practically every woman who had been to the pool since summer began had a Pavlovian response when that alarm rang. They all immediately sat up in their chairs, grabbed mirrors to fix their makeup or hair, and relaxed back into whatever sexy stance they could think of.

Out of all the women who waited for the show to start. None of them were nearly as excited as Debbie, whose phone alarm was still ringing. There wasn't much a housewife in Shiganshina had to look forward to. Especially during the summer.

Debbie truly detested summer with a passion as fiery as the sun. School was no more which meant her alone time was over. Three kids were now constantly on her ass with her husband either at work or napping.

She almost bristled at the mere thought of having to deal with them later in the afternoon but maintained her composure. She couldn't afford a single hair out of place. It'd taken her two hours to perfect the look she was going for. The amount of effort couldn't go to waste. Not when she had to compete with seven other housewives for his attention.

"Look alive, ladies," proclaimed Debbie as she readjusted her boobs and put down her sunglasses. "The show is about to begin." She smirked as the current lifeguard began to step down from her tower to switch.

Debbie felt time slow down at the sight of a door opening at the other end of a pool. She was sure the other housewives were feeling it too as they all began to tense in anticipation. If any of their kids were drowning at the moment, none of them would notice. It's not like it mattered considering Mikasa was still watching anyway.

Even if one of them did drown, it wouldn't hurt to watch them being saved by the notorious Eren Yeager. He was the one that currently had every housewife on the edge of their seat. The man was an Adonis in the eyes of every housewife in Shiganshina. The absolute perfect man of their dreams.

When that door fully opened, they all felt the air leave their lungs. His silky brown hair was tied back into a bun with the right amount of fringe framing his face. Abs chiseled to perfection glistened in the sunlight. To top it all of, with a flick of a wrist, he took off his sunglasses to reveal the most gorgeous eyes that suck any woman in.

Debbie could go on and on about Eren. She even bit her lip at the thought of them, together. Having invited him over for dinner as thank you for saving one of her kids from drowning. They would be all alone after she forced the kids into bed early. Her husband would be working late, so, who knows? Anything could happen.

None of the housewives' eyes left him for even a second as he walked to relieve Mikasa of her shift. Some could barely manage to remain composed as he offered a nod and greeted them with a "ladies".

Debbie put on her best sexy pout the moment his eyes were on her. She waited for the inevitable nod and compliment on her new sunglasses only to receive a nod. No compliment.

Her eyes widened and she cast a glance at the other wives. It seems they were suffering from the same thing. It was like that ever since he came back from college out of state.

Debbie's perplexed expression turned to a sneer when she remembered why. Turns out after coming back home to visit his mother, a college education wasn't the only thing he came back home with.

"Eren!"

Speak of the devil and they shall appear. Debbie scoffed under her breath at the sight. You weren't much of a looker in her opinion. Everything about you screamed basic in Debbie's eyes. From your hair to your outfit. But that didn't stop Eren's eyes from lighting up whenever he saw you.

~

You had to be honest, at first, summer in the small town of Shiganshina was boring. The only reason why you were even here was due to Eren's insistent begging. That boredom lasted until he mentioned he had gotten a side job as a lifeguard. The same job he had the summer before he left college. He had mentioned it to you before in passing, but you'd never forget the stories Armin told you of all those housewives who drooled at the sight of him.

The moment the job began you gave him time to settle before you came to ruin it all. The time you spent waiting was worth it. Every housewives' eyes were on you as you confidently strode up to Eren on his lifeguard chair and asked for a kiss. Their faces were to die for, you wished you'd taken a picture. Especially Debbie's.

You knew for a fact she hated your guts. It wasn't like she tried to hide it anyway. She glared at you every chance she got. Which is why you were at the pool visiting Eren again today. You giggled as you glanced back at her while leaning against Eren's lifeguard chair.

"What are you laughing at?"

You looked up to the object of your affections and shook your head. "Nothing," you said innocently while rubbing his knee.

Eren rose a brow, not believing your tone for a second, and followed your previous line of sight. He rolled his eyes when he spotted Debbie waving at him just moments after she finished glaring at you. "Do you have to cause trouble with every housewife you meet?" He teased, shoving your hand away.

You placed a hand on your chest and gasped in mock disbelief. "Me? Cause trouble?" You asked rhetorically, "I would never." You crossed your arms and frowned.

Eren leaned back in his chair, "yeah, okay," he said sarcastically with a scoff.

You scoffed back at him and smacked his thigh, "okay, come on. You have to admit it's pretty funny." You barely held in a laugh at the sight of a whole row of housewives glaring daggers at you.

"Not gonna be funny when they finally poison you," Eren joked while stroking his abused thigh.

You gave him an incredulous look. "Yeah, because I'm dying to eat Debbie's casserole," you said sarcastically. Those housewives had been sending casserole after casserole to Carla's house ever since he came home. You hadn't bothered to eat a single bite of any of them. Neither had Carla.

Eren gave a small wave to Debbie, who was still watching the two of you. "What's with you and Mrs. Carter anyway?" He asked with a raised brow.

"More like what's with Debbie," you corrected, "she's hated me since she figured out I'm your girlfriend."

Eren smirked and leaned back in his chair with his arms behind his head. "Can't blame her, I am a catch." He winked down at you.

You rolled your eyes, "whatever you say, Casanova." You stepped away from the chair. "I'm gonna get going, don't wanna keep distracting you considering they're not gonna save their kids anyway." You gestured to the housewives who had their eyes glued on Eren.

He rose a brow but soon nodded after glancing at the housewives. "You have a point, get outta here." He leaned down to swat your ass.

You punched his leg in response. "Oi, watch your hands, Yeager!" You scolded.

"You know I can't control myself." He smirked and tried to rest his hands on your waist.

You hummed and laughed to yourself. Eren rose a brow at your laugh but said nothing as you stood on your tiptoes to grab him by his whistle. He was frozen as he waited for your next move and spellbound the same way those housewives were with him.

The tips of his ears were hot, you could feel it on your lips as they gently grazed his ear. "Let's hope you'll be able to control yourself until after your shift." You gave his ear a small kiss before pulling away and quickly walking away before he could recover.

You gave him one last look over your shoulder and giggled at the sight of his flushed cheeks. You also gave Debbie a passing glance and waved at her. "Hot day isn't it, Mrs. Carter?" You asked.

You didn't miss the way she attempted to murder you with one look. "Immensely," she said through gritted teeth.

Yeah, summer was a fun time.

[ducknotinarow]

Brook + Nina -  ★

| send ★for what my muse thinks of yours

Most of the team had a double life they lived, by night they were hero's busting baddies left and right to keep the word safe. And, by day they are just a regular ol' Joe working a boring nine to five job. The rest were full-time heroes needing to often conceal who they were when not on a job for many reasons or another. Nina though? nah she didn't hide it one way or the other. Well only if she really had to hide who she was for a mission of course.

Smiling as she made some small waves of her hand to those who easily noticed her the saved side of her hair was easy to spot her for along with the cut in the design of a star. In a sense, she was on a mission right now, for food. Sure she could have something homemade at the tower or stop at one of the many food joints she had been walking past on her stroll. She didn't feel like any of that junk now she wanted Elote and she needed it now. The best was from of the vendors in the city, of course, making it at home just wasn't quite the same to her.

Eyes nearly brighten once she saw the cart bounding the corner, little bell ringing for potential customers' attention. "Gotta cha!" she said out to herself before jogging, more full-on charging to the cart in time to stop them from leaving their current placement. Bright smile as she made an order from her favorite vendor of the city.

The smell of the corn roasting on the grill and the butter melting had Nina pretty much drooling alone as she happily waited for her sought-out meal today. "Okay I'll do two no wait four hmm nah eight!" she said only to hold up all ten of her fingers to show she upped the number again. The vendor just laughed to themself as they went and added on more cobs of corn to their grill, asking if they were sharing these with their Captain America teammates. She assumed he meant Steve and Brook when he asked since she was often teamed up with one of them or both during missions.

"Share?" Nina asked with a blank expression outside a confused grin across her lips. In her defense, a growing hero needs lots of food to fuel her. "Nah just me today," he seemed surprised she wasn't with her sister either, once again being Brook she figured when mentioning the little one. "Oh ya she ditched me ta visit someone today." that wasn't really all true though Brook had simply gone off to see their crush, not ditch her she did invite Nina to come along after all. Nina rather stick to the city herself on an off day, the vendor just laughed and went about making up a box to pack all ten into when. Nina just smiled sheepishly poor Brook forever will be referred to like so wouldn't see? Perking up when he went on to talk about Brook more saying see seemed like a good kid herself must not get in much trouble compared to Nina here.

"Oh ya no my sis is full of surprises honestly, can't blame ya for thinkin' she just an innocent kid. She said a playfully shot to herself. "But she really is an important asset to every mission she comes on for," Pausing a second catching her slip up here, "When I wanna pull prank I mean at home and such" The vendor nodded seeming to better understand taking her wording as a slight influence from her job. Brooklyn kept herself hidden for good reason Nina couldn't afford even a small slip up to allude that Nina's sister on the team was also her friend Brooklyn when in disguise. Jeez, these secret identities were so tough to track "She is very observant in general, so she tends to notice things that are easily looked over by others. Even just overall outside trouble casing at home. But she's such an overthinker makes sense dose that. A professional worry wort ya know?"

"She's super gullible on top of that all too, she will pretty much believe anythin' I come up with just a very trusting person." Smiling at that since it meant Nina could mess with her so easily. Taking the box from the man as she pulled out cash from her pockets to hand over, her smile soften a bit.

"but ya know like me she didn't have the best life before coming into the family, and yet she can still trust so easily sure it can be misguided and lead to some troubles but she is just so willing to see good in everyone. And I think that is a very great trait to have especially in a world full of red skulls, Lokis and such" She said listing some well-known villains, well mentioning her parents to herself. Moving the box over to keep it safe under her arm, tuck against her side so it wouldn't fall from her grip. " You know what she holds so strongly in herself?" she asks them but it wasn't really a question they could answer. "hope."

Nina went on to explain her point further "She carries hope and she gives hope to those around her too" it was made her sister a good hero in the making. " She likes to watch out for me and help me out and ya I laugh mistakes off but sometimes..some can be hard and I know I can and will fail again but my sister reminds me that I can get back up and hold on to my own hope too." Smiling brightly after "She is the sister I lost without know it ya know?"

[13wasthenumber]

"It wasn't your fault."

Jimin had been bold enough to think that this wouldn't happen. Bold enough to think Jungkook wouldn't come down to the weapon basement and would let Jimin do what he had to do the easy way. But we're talking about Jungkook here, and of course, he had to make everything two times harder.

"I was in charge of this weeks merchandise. It was under my supervision and said merchandise has been stolen. So yes, I am in fault." Answered Jimin without even bothering to spare Jungkook a look. Eyes fixed on the weapon he was preparing, his voice low and soft, with a hidden determination Jungkook immediately noticed. "But don't worry. I was the one who lost the truck and I will be the one getting it back."

The blond added nonchalantly as if he wasn't talking about breaking into one of the main warehouses of the rival Mafia in the city. He had finished with the Colt Automatic Rifle that he had carefully placed inside the black bag on the floor and had started checking the grenades.

"And what is your plan exactly?" Ask the younger sceptical, as if he didn't buy that bullshit. And he definitely didn't. "Going there all alone?"

"Yes."

Jungkook couldn't help but let out a sigh of frustration as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Jimin, it's dangerous and you know it." When he let go and his eyes returned to Jimin, his stare hiding a meaningful plea, he said: "The possibilities of returning alive are -"

"I did it once. I can do it again." He cut Jungkook roughly still refusing to look at the black haired man.

"Yes, you did it once." His voice tense as if he was holding something back. A shadow over his features. "But it looks like you don't remember in which state you came back."

Jimin tried to ignore the accusation in the words of the Mafia Boss as he attempted not to lose his composure. "I admit I did some mistakes, from which I'm going to learn. I'm going to go in there, get the truck back and come back safe and sound."

And the confidence in Jimins words nearly convinced Jungkook. Nearly, because what he was about to do was a clear death wish and Jungkook couldn't let him do that. Not him.

"I'm not letting you do this. It's crazy and too risky. I'm your boss and it's an order."

And finally, finally, Jimin raised his head. Looking at Jungkook dead in the eye.

"And what, exactly are your reasons, Boss?"

Answered Jimin without hesitation, last word dripping with poison and the next seconds feeling like a fire caused by the intensity of their stares. Neither wanting to surrender, neither wanting to let go, both knowing the question held a deadly trap.

A simple question, with a simple answer that the two of them knew by heart. A simple answer that kept them going, that kept their hearts beating. A simple answer that unconditionally and treachery appeared each time they looked at each other. But, a simple answer you can't just through out in a world like theirs, full of death and betrayal, a world that won't hesitate to rip you from that thing you love the most.

"We can't afford to lose one of the best agents in this family." Said Jungkook through clenched teeth, with a stoic expression, hard voice, and dark eyes. And it wasn't the simple answer they both had in mind, but it wasn't a complete lie either. Jimin was one of their best agents. But the two of them knew it was the same old excuse they always used to hide the truth. The truth of their bodies, that yearned to touch, feel, caress the other's skin. The truth of their minds, that always drifted without permission towards the others whole being, their heads clouded with images of their significant others skin covered in sweat, their teary eyes half opened with overflowed pleasure, those beautiful sounds escaping from their lips. And the truth of their hearts, that felt the constant need to shower the other with all the love and protectiveness they could. Assure the other's happiness, assure the other's protection and at the same time the dark wish of all of it being reciprocal. To know the other heart also suffered when they were apart, also suffered when they had to lie, also suffered because of this love.

A light laugh, tinged with unspoken hurt, was Jimin answer. "Don't lie to yourself, Jeon. We both know your family would be more than happy to get rid of me. Your father hates me. Your mother can't even be in the same room as me. And you brother just likes me because of my ass."

"But you're one of the only members in this Mafia with a clean expedite. One of the only ones that always finish the job and deep down you know you're one of the only agents my family trust completely." Contradicted the black haired man a bit too fast.

Jimin had broken the eye contact in favor of closing the black bag with all the weaponry. A light smirk on his lips as he closed the zip with more force than needed. "You just said it yourself, Jungkook. I always finish my job. And this time it will be no different."

He got up from his kneeling position, bag hanging from his right shoulder and his head slightly tilted upwards in a dominant way. With steady and powerful steps he walked towards the exit, forcing himself not to look at his secret lover, knowing the danger that it entailed. But as he passed by the Mafia boss, he felt a tight grasp in his arm.

"Just… come back alive, okay?"

Jimin heard the younger say and when he turned to look at him, his stare was not returned. Jungkook's eyes fixed on the floor. One second passed and Jimin could feel the other's hesitation.

”You know… you know I can't lead this family without you."

The heaviness of his words, sinking inside Jungkook's body enough to make him let go of the blonde and without a final word he stormed out of the room.

Jimin was left there, stunned. Knowing how hard it must have been for the Mafia Boss to say those words. Knowing that the sting in his heart would be staying for a while. And knowing the real meaning behind those words.

You know I can't live without you.

[creedtheconquer]

A Christmas Miracle (Pt.1) AU

Request-"Hey hoe I got a request for you do a Micheal Mafia boss au with a female reader and he helps her out like she drops her wallet and he finds it and sees she’s not doing so well so he feels like helping her only to over time fall for her and then so on."

Summary-"(Y/N) is a struggling college student who loses her wallet, only for Michael to find it and he takes a liking to her and starts to shower her with gifts but the catch is, she has no idea who he is."

Pairing- Michael Langdon x Reader

Warnings- slight angst, slow burn, slight fluff

*This story kicks off day 4 and I really hope you enjoy this. This will be a series that I'm already starting to fall in love with! Remember my ask box is open and I'm always taking requests! I write for Cody and any other character he has played minus David for obvious real life reasons and I wish to respect him as a person as. I also write for other AHS characters.*

______________________________________________

Day 1

It was just like any other dull morning, minus the fact it was December first. Michael didn't hate Christmas per se, he just never had a good memory of any past Christmases. His childhood was all sorts of fucked up, a family that never really gave a shit about him and who quiet literally threw him out onto the streets. He bounced around from place to place not really staying for long, never fitting in, never belonging anywhere. As he got older, now in his early 20's he's made a name for himself. Sure it wasn't of the best circumstances but how he saw it the world chewed him up and spit him out like he was poison, so he figured why the hell not and became the poison the world thought he was. He wasn't a fast acting "poison", no he was one of those classy poisons. He never bothered to get his hands dirty, he had people to do that for him. He also wasn't a bad person but if someone pressed his buttons the wrong way they had hell to pay. After his rise to power everyone stop looking at him like the freak no one cared about and started trying to be the biggest kiss ass, trying to get on his good side but he saw through their facade.

(Y/N) was a 22 year old sophomore at college who was just barely scrapping by. Her home life growing up wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either, her dad left when she was in middle school leaving her mom to raise her alone. Her mom had a steady job so money was never really a problem. Once (Y/N) graduated high school her mom gave her two options, either go to school or be kicked out. So weighing her options she opted for school but her mom was no help really, yeah sure she would send a carepackeage every 3 months or so but that was it. Thankfully she got a full ride thanks to her high test results but that only pays for school. She was stuck with paying for her own place and food, which she was barely managing to afford with her 2 jobs.

Her day was going just as shitty as it could be, she was late to class, got chewed out by her professor and on top of everything her mom called and threatened to disown her because she got a B- in one of her classes. She had just made it home from job number one only to realize she didn't have her wallet on her, "Fucking good one (Y/N) that had all your money in it." She said to herself bitterly.

Michael had just walked out of the small coffee shop when his foot kicked something, "What the hell?" He questions looking down to see a wallet. He bent down picking it up and he opens it, inside he finds an ID that told him the owner of said wallet, one (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Also inside the wallet he found only about $100 max along with credit cards and a few business cards. Turning on his heels he heads back inside to ask, "Um excuse me does anyone know (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?" He asks as he leans against the small little counter, it coming to just above the middle of his thighs due to his towering form.

"She works here, how can I help you?" A guy Michael assumes is the manager comes forward wiping his hands on his apron.

"I'm an old friend, and I just got into town I was just wondering if you had her address wanted to drop by and surprise her." Michael say flashing that charming smile he knows works on everyone. Sure enough the manager nods grabbing a napkin and he writes down the girls address.

"Here you go, she's lucky to have a friend like you." He says shaking softly and Michael smirks enjoying how much power he has over anyone he comes into contact with.

"Thank you." Is all he says before dropping his smile and he turns and walks out of the shop.

"You lost your wallet?" Rachael asks (Y/N) as the dinner rush calms down.

"Yeah it fucking sucks it had all the money I had left for the rest of the week." (Y/N) groans cleaning off the plates she had just picked up.

"Do you know where it is?" She asks and (Y/N) shrugs leaning against the counter looking at the clock.

"My other job, or any where between there and home who knows." (Y/N) says taking off her apron getting ready to leave.

"Well I hope you find it." Rachael says and (Y/N) nods collecting her stuff.

"Thanks Rachael." (Y/N) says giving her a hug before heading home.

Michael knew he shouldn't have entered her house, magic or other wise it wasn't right. When he got to her little apartment he was just going to leave her wallet on her door step with a little note but when he got there he just felt the urge to go in. He chocked it up to not wanting to just leave her wallet out for anyone to take, so he took it upon himself to enter and leave it on her coffee table. He was going to leave right after, he really was but once he got a look around her apartment he noticed she was worse off than he first thought. Not really much food in her pantrie or fridge, a small couch and a small tv on the opposite wall. Not really any decor, it was all just so plain. He cursed himself for entering because now he felt the urge, no the need to help this complete stranger. So he did the best he could do for the time being, he found an envelop and put $500 inside with a little note. Then like that he left not leaving a trace anyone was there and on his way out of the building he told the person at the front desk to put the envelop in her mail box.

"Really good job (Y/N) You can't find your wallet anywhere." She says to herself as she enters her building. She pulls out her keys and goes to her mailbox pulling out the stack of envelops and magazines. She sighs turning and making her way up to her apartment. She opens her door and turns on the light and enters before closing the door behind her. She throws the mail on the coffee table and turns to go walk into the kitchen when she stops and turns back towards the table. There she saw it, her wallet sitting perfectly in the center of the table, right where she had thrown the mail. She walks around her couch and she takes a seat picking up the wallet and she opens it, sure enough it was hers. She laughs shaking her head, had it been here all along? She questions in her head as her eyes shift to the mail and she sees an envelop that simple reads "From A Friend." She sets her wallet down and picks up the envelop and she examines it. She notices it's kinda think and heavy but she shrugs as she opens it. She nearly throws it when she sees the money inside, tears form in her eyes as she takes out the little note.

"I know you don't know me yet, but I've noticed you struggling and I felt the need to help. So I've left you $500 dollars hopefully that is enough for now. I have a feeling this won't be the last time you hear from me or the last times our paths cross." It reads and she sees it's signed with two simple letters, M.L and a tear falls from her eyes.

Day 5

"Ms. Mead I have a job for you." Michael says sitting back in his office chair as his adoptive mother stands on the other side of his desk.

"Yes, what is it?" She asks placing her hands behind her back and he smiles up at her.

"I want you to keep a tab on (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and report to me anything you find out about her." Michael says folding his hands into his lap and his pale icy blue eyes shine with wonder.

"Right away." She says but she gives him a questioning look to which he waves her off.

"Thank you Ms. Mead." He calls after her as she closes the door.

"Do you know who this person is?" (Y/B/F) asks as her and (Y/N) relax at her place.

"No idea but he has left small little gifts after that $500." (Y/N) shrugs placing her drink on the coffee table.

"It sounds like you have a rich, powerful secret admirer." (Y/B/F) teases causing (Y/N) to blush.

"Oh as if." (Y/N) fires back slapping (Y/B/N)'s shoulder.

"So any news?" Michael asks later that night as he gets ready to leave.

"Her favorite color is (Y/F/C) and her favorite flower is a (Y/F/F)." Ms. Mead says and a smiles finds its way on to Michael's lips.

"Perfect." He whispers to himself, grabbing his jacket and he leaves making a beeline for the nearest flower stand.

"How can I help you tonight sir?" The lady at the stand says and he can see her check him out. He scoffs giving her a once over before waving her off.

"I would like a bouquet of 12 (Y/F/C) (Y/F/F) for my girlfriend." Michael says stressing the word girlfriend. It seems to do the trick considering she looked down disgusted.

"That will be $10." She says handing him the flowers and he smiles handing her the money.

"Thank you." He says very curtly before he walks away.

Michael makes it to (Y/N)'s apartment and a small smile pulls at the corners of his lips as he sets the flowers on the door step and knocks on the door before turning and walking away. He sees her open the door and then he sees the biggest smile appear on her face as she picks up the flowers. "There's my beautiful girl." He whispers to himself softly before turning and walking back to his car.

"Was it him?" (Y/B/F) asks from the couch and (Y/N) nods closing the door.

"Yeah it was." She says a smile plastered to her face.

"You're so hopelessly in love with him and you don't even know what he looks like." (Y/B/F) says and (Y/N) rolls her eyes.

"No I'm not." Is all she says setting the flowers on the table as she gets a vase and puts water in it before placing the flowers in it. Little did she know was she was destined to meet her secret admirer and little did she know she will fall so helplessly in love with him and he her.

@madamfae

[asterismcampanella]

4/9/2022

My dreams were encouraging and accusatory last night, and Anastasia was quite similar. She is never truly an aggressor, but I seldom hear her thoughts on me, and these were passionate.

Anastasia and I had been chatting about how small I am in the universe. Zooming out of my bed, my house, my town, my city, my state, my country, my hemisphere, world, and I took note of how without any orbital lines the planets looked like someone had thrown marbles onto a starry desk, and Anastasia said we could be traveling forever with no set destination and never get anywhere or see the end.

But we came upon a star in our path, and she explained it was okay, and that we were going to go right through it unscathed. Of course this is the case, but your conscious can't help but to think of everything as a video game and say "dodge the great fiery ball careening towards you and an eternal panther floating impossibly in the space above earth."

Anastasia walked me through a guided meditation as we passed through the star, simply reminding to relax and focus on the color of the star and the feeling of the blood rushing through my veins and the energy a star must emit and that the same molecules make up humans and everything else that lives.

Finally, she said I was at a state of peace enough to ask her anything that I wished. I had started off by blurting out that I knew I was standing still out of fear like I always do, despite knowing exactly what I wanted to do and some general options or sources of ideas on how to do it.

My fears of being stuck in this endless loop of part time day jobs trying to convince myself I will be able to have one foot in both doors and propel my art career forward. I know in the current state I'm in, I have no hope of my future. I do not make enough to even afford rent, but the thought of leaving this dead end job for yet another isn't favorable.

I couldn't help but to ask Anastasia to show me what I was supposed to do with this future. She sighed heavily and said my mother may be strict, but she is not an evil woman and would let me stay a little bit longer before finally giving up and telling me to get a full time job and move out. I would do so, getting with a few queer friends who also needed a place at the time.

During this time I would convince myself it was an adult thing to have to cut losses and make happiness where I could find it. I would give up on language studies and keep art as an attempted passive income, always promising to make it a part-time career someday, but still maintaining that scared stand-still and not getting noticed.

She explains it wasn't built in substantial friendship and would most-likely quarrel and either continuously flake off roommates or we would altogether disband and I would have gotten enough savings together to settle for a strange quaint thing to fix up alone.

I remembered my dream at this moment as well as explained I didn't want to face a future like this, and I was willing to change it. Anastasia continued to insist it was a possibility and not a prediction, she was just showing me the "closest near-future outcomes to reality" for lack of a better easy description.

In this future possibility, I don't meet the man I believe to be my soulmate. He doesn't live close and is scared of travel, and this would ensure his future outcome would be something along the lines of "becoming more hermit and never amounting to his full potential"

I found that interesting, I had nearly forgotten the only reason I am ensuring something Anastasia claimed is a "fated event" is because I am so sure and steadfast in my own goals. Mind you, I still don't know this "fated event", so don't think I have something to be watching out for! It's as vague to me as to you.

Anastasia moved on to the next possibility. If this fear of mine truly lights the fire under my ass, I look into a degree in Japanese and decide the "cutting of losses" is that I am already in debt, that debt will be taken care of eventually, but that I don't need to fear it as horribly as I do, and that additional and earnest school debt will not hurt me.

Actually, she said, the school debt would most likely would get taken care of quickly due to landing a fairly liberal and well-paying and accommodating company I would become a translator for. I would be able to save up easily as well in this job, as well as manage to find a few friends relatively quickly to ease my social nerves.

These friends would lead to frequent social outings and events and eventual "fated event". Because of our joined funds, we'd be able to invest in and maintain a kyomachiya and I'd be able to spend more time creatively. Anastasia said this possibility is currently the one with "full-time artist" as a most likely career.

Then, Anastasia said, "However, the most likely possibility with your current days is this one." She said I would only reach for opportunities near and convenient for me, but it wouldn't be a complete loss. I would eventually find a good friend to move out with, and we would both be day job working artists for a while.

She said this is the scenario I had decided it was okay if I didn't move for another decade, and take things slow. That is what most likely happens, but she was interrupted when I expressed my continued distaste, and was frustrated because of course, the only one in charge of my future is me.

I hold myself back in fear of ridicule and judgement despite knowing no amount of it could ever fully deter me, and that I really have nothing to be ashamed of. Anastasia explained language skills were a great thing to have when you loved people and sharing cultures and it was something I needed to be prideful in.

She said a lot that holds me back is why I haven't done anything in any other genre of interest either; because I'm too busy getting wrapped up in judgement and not using what freedoms I have wisely. That is why I would put my plans on hold for a continued ten years, not because I ever fully give up but that I am still willing to let them be palpable as if negotiable by other forces.

My current goal is to stop holding myself back from my own goals because I continue to fear what will happen. I do not want to know what will happen for the next 5 months like my boss. I do not want the next 5 months to be overwork and underpay as my life continues to tick on away while others are already successful or closer yet simply because their fears haven't held them back.