#it wasnt that good to begin with but my god
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I love just absolutely fucking up a good thing
#art#my art#dry erase#white board art#fuckyeah#fucked up#it wasnt that good to begin with but my god#i fucked up#i fucked it up so bad#why does the clothes look like that 90s cup#the paper one#you know what i mean
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whatever og text i had in mind for this post about ko shibasaki looking like sayama in this movie is completely cancelled on account of utsumi (this character)'s first name being kaoru and i only found this out cause i was looking up her name just to be sure when making this post
like jesus christ i legally have to make this post now
#snap chats#they literally never say her first name in the movie. i think lol LIKE WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS JUST 'NO FUCKING WAY'#i do have to be tbh and say her face /is/ a little more round than sayama's#and its absolutely predominantly because of how her bangs and wardrobe are so close to sayama's that i think she look like her#BUT I CAAAANT THE WHOLE MOVIE I WAS JUST THINKIN ABOUT SAYAMA... i miss her...#OH RIGHT THE MOVIE THOUGH noooo fuck you this movie was so good it actually made me want to write a summary for it LMAOOO#LIKE I LIKE WRITING SUMMARIES BUT IVE JUST BEEN SO LAZY ABOUT IT WITH THE PAST FEW THINGS IVE SEEN BUT GOD.#ignore the fact i finished this movie two hours ago i was too busy fiddling with a card holder kit but. ill make a post about that next--#THIS MOVIE THOUGH NOOOOO IT WAS SO GOOD //SCREAMS AND YELLS AND DESTROYS A SNOWGLOBE//#god the part where ishigami and yukawa are walking by the homeless and it just lingers on an empty spot.. LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS WACK#CAUSE I WAS LIKE 'hang on wasnt there a guy there last scene' and obviously there was since the shot lingered right#BUUUUTT WHEN IT WAS REVEALED DOWN THE LINE SHUT UPPP I LITERALLY YELLED IM SO GLAD. my roommates arent home..#on god i thought the movie was gonna end with utsumi and fukawa's convo from the beginning#and i was gonna make a gaf about how fukawa was acting irrationally because he was too in love LMAOOO#BUT THEN IT KEPT GOING AND. im so glad it did. ishigami valid tbh#id also cover up and take blame for AND ACTUALLY commit murder for a girl if she said hi to me and made me lunch while i was trying to kms#while fukawa and ishigami were talkin that first night tho i just thought of after the rain.. lol... maybe the mangaka was inspo'd by that.#anyway. this movie was great. it reminded me of sherlock but if it was directed well and actually let you solve the mystery too#CAUSE WHILE I WAS WATCHING THERE WERE POINTS WHERE I TOO WAS JUST 'hang on' AND I JUST POCKETED THE INFO FOR LATER#i kicked and screamed when ishigami was talking abut how he formats his tests LIKE I SAID 'oh you fucking slipped'#when ishigami called and told her he had a white envelope in there bitch i knew it was gonna be the stalker letter i YELLED#LIKE I LIKE HOW THE MOVIE SETS THINGS UP SO ABUNDANTLY. IT'S FUN SEEING IT FIT IN THE MOVIE LATER ON#the twist of there being two bodies was so fun tho cause at the start of the movie i was sure two murders happened the same night#so when it was played off as just one i was like Oh. Ok. im still stumped on how he snuck a body out of the apartment#but yk what one detail is like. whatever in comparison to the rest of the movie being fun to watch#god im running out of tags POINT IS. PLEAAASE watch this movie if you got two hours#ive left some minor warnings on my Watchlist doc but there's nothing. TOO extreme ??#i mean there's an aforementioned suicide attempt but aside from that it's nothing too grotesque. for an rgg fan ig#ok bye i have to ramble about the card holder i got <3
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If Kipperlilly DOES end up betraying Porter/Jace as part of a secret other scheme she has (whether good or evil) and it has to do with saving Lucy, I just know she’s going to be a bitch about it and pull a ‘sorry, I only save High Five Heroes’ before leaving her other friends to die or some shit. And then she will take her final form: Magic Betty from Adventure Time, betraying her allies and saving her frost gf at the expense of the world. It would also parallel what Ankarna is going through (‘your girlfriend’s out of town, it sucks’, becoming a little imperialist rage machine under the influence of Porter/Sunstone but not being able to fully turn on Lucy despite going against her values and turning into a violent weirdo). This is my wish. My dream. I am manifesting it. Magic Betty Kipperlilly I believe in you.
#I am currently painting clown makeup on my face rn but this is what I’ve been rooting for from the beginning so let me dream#Come on though she HAS to have some other shit going on though right?#She was DEFINITLY in that temple when the Bad Kids said Ankarna’s name#Brennan literally rolled#and we know she was in Porter’s office#so WHY hadn’t she told him Ankarna’s real name yet? We know he genuinely believed Fig found it#Also the BKs couldn’t see who was in the window during the Wanda Childa scene#Which one of the RGs has invisibility?#HMMMM#Wanda saying ‘Kipperlilly? Why are you doing this? Is it because you’re jealous?’ before getting carried off by a fake Porter would let KP#know ‘okay they FULLY saw what happened after I killed Buddy and are onto us’ which would cause her to follow them to the temple#Also…if NONE of the Rat Grinders knew Ankarna’s name then what did Lucy write on her form to change her divinity???#We KNOW it was Ankarna’s name and not the ‘symbol representing her’ because no one could see it BECAUSE the god was dead and no one alive#knew her name#Which means Lucy HAD TO HAVE KNOWN and was keeping it from the others right?#And when she died and didn’t come back they were fucked because they couldn’t even check the form anymore#But#Brennan also said that if Porter WASNT using Devil’s Honey and genuinely believed in Rage And Conquest goddess Ankarna instead of just her#domain then he and his ritual would (maybe) bring her back instead of killing her permenantly so he can take her domain#And idk#A powerful goddess of rage and conquest who despite everything can’t be turned against her sister and ex#who’s resurrection would mean the rune could be broken and Lucy can come back to life#One who has (or had) a personal vendetta against at least one of the bad kids#and a personal vendetta against the people who led to Lucy’s death#that sounds pretty appealing to someone as spiteful and obsessive as Kipperlilly doesn’t it#especially after her best (maybe only real) friend died and didn’t come back#especially if she stayed dead specifically to stop Porter#Again I’m putting my clown makeup on but I don’t want her to be secretly good or anything just unhinged and gay and a parallel to Ankarna#Please world let me have this I’m on my knees#dimension 20
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#im not dead quit asking#I'm just really really really not doing well#sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent#things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure#i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc#i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person#i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see#i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that#maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway#I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner#and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first#everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions#my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol#and i still don't know a lot of you personally but#parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people#I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems#im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly#and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days#I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol#but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much#but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs#im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself#which I think is where im at now. burnt out#and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys#if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber#etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there#im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet#hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime
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everyone on earth probably has a hypothetical farming sim in their mind's eye that they daydream about on occasion because of the unfortunate situation that despite there being like a thousand farming games released every minute only like 4 of them are any good. and i think this is fun, i think its good to keep the imagination alive. if i made a farming sim i would bring back rival marriages from the old friends of mineral town. i want to steal someones wife.
#jk jk you dont steal anyones wife or husband. but it wasnt a popular feature because people felt like they were stealing someones spouse#plus the fact that characters married eachother after a certain amount of time made them unavailable for player marriage adding a timelimit#if the player wants to get married. but thats why i want it BACK i think its 1) hilarious and 2) interesting and makes the world feel alive#NOW part of the reason (outside of it being an unpopular feature to begin with) its not in like any modern games is probably because#devs don't know how to deal with non-gender-locked marriage candidates with this#i think its easy. everyone is bisexual. not just playersexual. textually bisexual#it'll be interesting if they always have a set pairup regardless of player gender but it could also be interesting if there was like#a little algorithm to give a couple non-player pairups as options. maybe make it random#or if a dev was tooooo ambitious they could add a matchmaking system that the player could be involved with if they wanted to play cupid LO#but that seems too much for a farming game. thats usually a whole other game in itself#but yeah i think its easy. its not like farming sim marriage candidates are all that deep characters to begin with#i think itd be fine if you had a couple randomized rival marriages...... i think itd be neat#my other farming sim daydream is NO fucking combat for the love of god FREE ME from combat#that is why i like story of seasons just a bit more than stardew#stardew has so much good farming mechanics but god i hate the mines. i think its so soso sososososososo boring#i also dont really like the turn based battles in atelier games and most atelierlikes either#(well i liked it in mana khemia but that was more turn based focused than alchemy focused)#i came here to farm. i came here to make potions. i came here to micromanage numbers. do not make me battle#but that is purely a personal preference thing LOL a lot of people really love farming game combat. i dont tho <3#MY DAYDREAM FARMING SIM HAS NO COMBAT... AND YES CUCKHOLDRY#(jk jk thats not what rival marriages are. but thats how people talk about them. which is fascinating)#(unfortunately it makes me laugh so thats why i keep making jokes about it. sowwy <3 )
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sigh someone on twitter extolled the virtues of furiosa and said it was better than fury road. I just saw furiosa. they are wrong.
#the brilliant thing about MMFD was how it needed no backstory.#it required no explanation of who these people were or why they wanted what they wanted#that story gripped you by the throat and pulled you along for the ride and by god you took it#bleh. also I didn't really care for the numbered parts of the story that communicated the passage of time#I guess that's where the “saga” came in but I do think one of my favorite parts of MMFD was that...#it was a contained storyline! there were clearly so many other parts/facets of that world we didn't see#but we didn't need to see them becasue that wasnt the story that film was telling#and I feel like ... I dunno. MMFD was perfect. furiosa was not perfect. furiosa was not needed?#we already knew enough from MMFD about why furiosa had wound up as an imperator#seeing the full story I genuinely don't feel like I gained anything new about her and her character#everything we watch her become (or even begin as) in furiosa... all of it is apparent in MMFD#idk this movie felt extraneous. bummer!#good news is i was really worried about ATJ playing furiosa but she did fine. i have no complaints about her!#anyways anyone who wants to discuss come hit me up in the comments or reblogs or askbox whatever#I wish to dig into this lol#man that tweet got my hopes up. but i did not have the reaction to this that i wanted to have#when i saw MMFD in theaters it was a religious experience. that movie rewired my brain. I'd never seen a female action star like furiosa#all furiosa did was make me want to rewatch MMFR#also jesus christ I just realized I'd been typing MMFD for some reason. lol forgive me I'm on my phone sitting in the theater parking lot#pretend I typed MMFR that whole time
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I fucking hate linguistics so so much I just wanna implode in on myself right now ghhhhhh I don't know how I'm meant to write like 1900 more words of absolute nothing but I guess I'll have all night to figure it out :'L
#forrest speaks#uni talk#thus begins the all nighter and god help me because i havent done an all nighter like this in over half a year#i will stay awake from fear of failing and my spite towards this cursed form of english xD#i wish i wasnt mentally ill and that i did my work on time man this year has fuckin sucked for my mental health#granted im doing way better than before and dont wish to leave this mortal plane anymore which is amazing#but i just wish i had felt good like this all year and that the stuff that set the bad headspace stuff off never happened#mmm its just a very bittersweet feeling i guess..idk#anyways..im gonna try and write some more now and see if i can get any closer to the minimum word count x3#i WILL spite through this and if i fail it then i know ive tried my best and im at peace with that
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woah i ended up loving the f.ontaine quest all those ending scenes were incredible
#ALSO THE MUSIC DURING THE BOSS FIGHT#honestly got distracted bc of how good it was HAHA#rlly intrigued by the s.kirk and c.hilde lore#definitely wasnt my favorite in the beginning but the end tied it all together for sure#i LOVED that one cutscene with the flood#and all the combat with the whale#soooo good#rlly interesting plot/storyline#im glad were getting more lore abt the archons and the heavenly principles#and developments with the f.atui#i think l.iyue is still my fav nation/quest but f.ontaine might be a close second#i really enjoyed that#especially after s.umeru (ily s.umeru but oh my god that quest took SO LONG)#and it was so boring#anyway. great quest 10/10#now i just have to clear out the rest of the map#🎐 rambles
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okay ik that they needed to do like character redemption on gus by making him go from "power >>>>>> friendship" to "okay actually friendship is power or something" and ik gus isnt a good person, however did they have to make nv episode 39 so brutal. christ alive that episode fucks me up every time i watch it.
#i rewatch episode 39 a lot and like#its one of my absolute favourite episodes#and it does a very good job of showing that gus has a heart#and how evil zenoheld is#and like idk is rlly good w like. gus' running theme of loyalty by showing how his bakugan are loyal to him too#and that he doesn't only care abt spectra (altho thats rlly obvs if u pay attention like at all throughout nv)#but good lord jesus christ having two of his bakugan die in front of him?? one of which he's had from the beginning of the season????#VULCAN PROTECTING GUS DESPITE HIS ARMOUR BREAKING AND CRACKING?????#hexados taking a hit for vulcan even tho he wasnt even out on the field??? that especially fucks me up tbh#episode 39 also known as gus learning that other ppl are loyal to him as well but only finds out by them dying for him#AND DESPITE EVERYTHING BOTH HE AND VULCAN GOES THROUGH IN EPISODE 39#THEY STILL REFUSE TO BE DEFEATED RIGHT AS THEY STARE DEATH IN THE FACE#i mean they dont die in the end but god bless we all thought they did#anyway im insane about gus grav and vulcan hghgjhdkfienf#time to go watch this fucking episode again
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laying down feels fucking sexual after moving heavy shit around for 5 hours in a row
#wind howls#im in a considerable amount of pain. i do not miss this feeling from my days of cashieering#i wasnt even moving heavy shit around then... just standing for like 8 hours in a row in the same spot#being on the move actually made the pain lessen a bit. i felt a lot more pain at the end when i was just standing there instead of walking#i thought we were only gonna be like 4 people moving half a warehouse filled with bottled water but like 5 others joined us#and that was for loading the uhaul ! considerably more taxing than emptying it#but thankfully for the emptying we were like 11 people because 1 left but 3 more joined us#and oh my god i cannot begin to describe how fucking delectable a veggie pizza tastes after moving shit around for 4 hours.#it was fucking nectar from the gods. and im mostly indifferent when it comes to pizza#anyway. i actually found it all to be fun. most of the stuff we were given is going to the refugee center we tend to donate it all to#we didnt just get water ! we got like. at least 30 full black bags of new clothes that well be able to give away#bunch of food. tons of utilities. lots of good stuffs thatll help people greatly#it feels good !!#i hope im able to continue this kind of volunteering work way after im moved out. it does feel fulfilling even if its so so so tiring#my body is screaming at me forever. laying down feels fucking awesome
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i fucking love suspended animation
#wasnt too sure about it when the instrumental dropped in the event announcement but MY GOD its so incredible#the vocals.... akito 😭 hes seriously so incredible#his high note at the beginning and the entire chorus is SO good he slayed so hard#and the use of the backing vocals throughout the song is something that sticks out to me as well...#its definitely more noticeable to me in this song than other ones and it works so so so well
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Just finished tma. I have to go to fucking school tomorrow. How do I FUCKING BE A PERSON AFTER THAT?!?!
I'll probably reblog with more tags later (cuz 30 just isn't enough) but !!!
#you know the drill tma spoilers in the tags dont read tags unless youve watcged the whole series. statement begins#i never really cry over fiction and that held true but FUCK did i get close when jon said 'that ones for sasha'#ill get to the lamenting but let me talk about my fucking !!! first. helen my beloathed i was so fucking happy when you died#i enjoyed her character imensly but GOD was it satisfying to hear jon say 'helen... was that a lie?' and !!! shes a gaslight girlboss#hearing jude and notsasha get smited was also so good. hmmmm i love how slimy jude sounds and how corparate notsasha sounds too#love the moment when all the acatars jon kills realises theyve fucked up (careful who you bully in middleschool)#and daisy and basira :( never liked those two too much but it was still sad :( basira confuses me from a worldbuilding standpoint#i love it though. shes the only person in daisys domain and i think thats metal as fuck. but seeing trevor and breekon alone made me sad#and annabelle!!! stunning. love her. would die for her. shed let it happen.#that being said i want to punch her so fucking bad. shes the tape recorders?#i saw this post where it was like 'what kind of kid was jon that the web thought hed bring the apocolypse?' and i thought itwas exagerating#georgie and melanie! georgie was a favorite from s3 so im glad we get to see her a bit more! even if shes a... cult leader?#oh :( when jon leaves them to get martin from annabelle and when he comes back the other seven survivors are gone :(#i hate all the arguing though :( i have the nuance of an oreo so seeing my blorbos argue just makes me sad :(#anyway. night night my beloved. recollections my beloved. wonderland my beloved. checking out my beloved. gah!#and the rosie and elias statements!!! ive always wondered about rosie and now i wish i never found out!#and hearing jonah and jon work together on the elias statement sounded SO COOL!!!#with jonah being like the voices of all the people hes inhabited. and all the archivists wandering london like zombies!#i was sort of disapointed jonah wasnt like super hard to defeat but holy shiiiiiiiiiit#i. LOVE. the 200 statement. its like 10 minutes long but i just might have to make an animatic of it.#oh its so fucking cool. i always imagined the web and eye as the smart entity power duo but no.#the web was playing the eye like a cheap whistle the entire time. i guess the eye does need avatars to actually do much#like lonely your alone. end you die. desolation is your fault. spiral is all you. but eye needs people to do stuff with its information#martin and jon. Martin and Jon. MARTIN AND JON.#those fucking idiots. hearing martin enter the room and both him and the listeners realizing what happened felt like ORPHEUS turning around#dude. martin stabbing jon always gets joked about. i thought itd be a light hearted moment or some shit#and hearing the three girls at the end. basiras 'good luck'. gah. just hearing the birds chirping was enough#but i also get to know simon was probably mauled to death by a crowd wich i find hilarious.#jonahs 'good luck' as well. like sir. jonah fucking magnus does not have the right to choke me up.#the magnus archives
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im so horribly nostalgic for minnesota. i only lived there for 3 years but it meant a lot to me. i love the south, i really do, but if i ever have to leave i want to go back to minnesota.
#and like. god. i wish it wasnt so far away.#i want to go back to the old river spots i used to go to with my mom. i want to go fishing again up there.#i want to go back to the very beginning of the mississippi river again and chase minnows#the lakes. hearing the loons.#no wonder nature is so involved in my spirituality. i was going to nature centers once a month and i was enthralled with the rivers and#lakes around me.#i love louisiana but i miss minnesota deeply. it feels like i left a piece of my heart up there. homesickness in the most painful way.#also i want a god damn bison burger again. bison is so fucking good dude ugh i miss it bad#i do remember being fussed for getting too close to catfish tho since up north they getcha but down here we fry them#if anybody from MN reads this post possibly bc ik my posts get out there sometimes. can you fry yalls catfish or no
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kinda funny seeing that last queued tf post with me gushing in the tags abt the comic bc i havent felt joy or even an emotional connection reading mtmte for a while
#idk man something just aint right. whether im just getting hit with another depressive episode or. idk.#the writing just feels... different. it feels weirdly cartoony? even though. the beginning was also really cartoony? but this feels worse#i liked the beginning so much more i liked the characters that cared so little about each other and the overall oppressive mood#idk part of it is i really dont like typical western superhero comic tropes and writing styles at aalllllllll#i cant stand the lack of foreshadowing and 'well just believe that it was secretly always like this' and the superpowers and trying to#raise the stakes by just Saying 'you might die' but its ok nobody does nor does the concern cross your mind#and i cant tell if the jokes are worse or more frequent but certain characters dont even seem like themselves anymore to me#the last thing i enjoyed was around when rewind killed a man. everything since has felt like some marvel movie type writing and it hurts#what happened to nuance and reading between the lines my good friends nuance and reading between the lines#'the one with sunder was good its a really good horror' <- why did you lie to me. are you mad at me#it wasnt even fun..... wasnt even interesting......#isnt this supposed to be a story abt attempting to adjust to postwar life and how fucked everything is. and how no#-thing is morally cut between good/evil? theres nuance? theres depth? whered all that depth go? maybe i imagined it this whole time#like.even the thing with skids gave me less of an impact when its surrounded by such. cheezyness. it deserves more consideration? respect?#good god its a very direct depiction of a very real horror dealt to rEAL PEOPLE#AND ITS CORRELATED WITH 'OTHERS RECEIVE SUPERPOWERS FROM THIS REVELATION' FUCK YOU#i feel bad for that plotline existing in that fucking situation jesus fucking christ you can't just do something like that#like. just. 'trauma gives you superpowers and also your suffering makes others stronger' how abt i go drink bleach.#maybe someone else will have a GREAT time if i do. <- kidding but like. christ man what the fuck#does this have to do with his whole 'i shouldnt have done red alert like that' idk what to tell you boss but that was nowhere near as bad#as the skids superpower giving scene.#red alert was fine it made sense it was severely relatable. it happens. but skids? no that fucking doesnt. what is that even trying to mean#beyond yknow. what guilt does to people. and cementing the worst of the war that um. isnt going to feel much justice at all it seems#sorry im in a very. tear everything apart kind of mood#dummy posts
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i didnt really feel anytjing when your horse dies in tsushima but when it happens in red dead oh my godddddd i cried so fucking hard
#animal death#<- just in case#i hardly ever used my horse in tsushma i just ran everywhere bc i didnt want to miss any collectables#but red dead ? that game? good god i took care of that horse so good#her name is luckie and she's the horse hosea gives you in the beginning of the game#i kept her all this the time i didnt care jf she 'wasnt good' stats wise she was cute:3#and then the ending .
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i think that if someone was to say "it feels as if noises are gonna murder me today" you wouldnt ask them to do something like sharpen a knife, and yet.
#my posts#i want to become an object and not deal with this my head hurts and im emotionally unwell#also i didnt do it well and so they grabbed another knife so i could have straight up not sharpen this one to begin with <3#pain and suffering. completely unnecesary.#i dont even think i did it badly tho i just think it wasnt the kind of knife you need to open a goddamn fish. and yet.#..... i would cry honest to god#so instead i. think im gonna. take a shower?#i dont think thats a good idea either but it is summer and i should take a shower anyways#but yeah no that was. bad
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