#it​‘s almost time to watch the greatest movie again!!

[disneydatass]

*seductively* “Hey girl do you wanna cuddle n watch a scary movie?”

*throws in The Legend of Sleepy Hollow starring Wishbone on VHS*

[temis-de-leon]

Solomon x Insecure fem!S/O

Characters: Solomon x fem!MC

Main Masterlist

Requested by @kirshimadenkisero: hello! may i please request solomon with a fem! s/o who’s very self conscious about her appearance, such as her slight belly fat, the stretch marks on her inner thighs, her acne, etc? i’ve been struggling with my appearance lately and solomon is my go-to comfort character, so this would really help. thank you! drink water!

A/N: I didn't go much into detail with the self-deprecating thoughts or the body descriptions, but they're still there, at plain sight. I hope you like it and I deeply hope it makes you feel at least a little bit better. To Romance Anon and M. Anon, don't worry, I'm writing your requests too :)

CW: the mental struggles of being chubby and the physical struggles of being chubby in summer. Comparing your body with someone else's isn't good. Also, the sadness of being immortal

.

“Aren’t you hot?”

MC blinked at the question, moistening her eyes after several minutes of staring at the screen before turning to the side, but her body had slouched so far down the couch that she had to look up to talk to Solomon.

Her favourite fellow human had a mixture of emotions on his face: fondness, worry and surprise. His arms were completely spread out over the backrest, initially to offer her a place to rest and later to make more space for him to sweat. The air was sticky with warmth, blinds closed down to give them the full cinema experience and not a window open to keep the mosquitoes out.

To her greatest pleasure, Solomon had accepted defeat by the time the second movie started and took his shirt off. MC, on the other hand, although dying to do the same, was still wearing an oversized t-shirt and some ugly, worn down, capris pants. Every piece of fabric stuck to her skin like a punishment and beads of sweat travelled along the curves of her body to stain her clothes.

It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t comfortable, but she didn’t want to change. They had a dinner party the night before and MC had the atrocious idea of wearing a long summer dress. When they finally got home, her inner thighs were red and hurting and the embarrassment had persisted for the next day and the entirety of their movie marathon.

So, not wanting to make him feel bad for her own insecurities while they were having a good time, MC chuckled and faked an excessive sultry look.

“Is that an actual question or a compliment?”

MC felt like her body was seconds away from exploding, breaking skin and searching for fresh air. The cooling spell he’d casted earlier must’ve slowly worn off while they were immersed in the beginning of the trilogy.

“I would say you’re hot, yes, but it was a legitimate question” he softly laughed. “Why don’t you take your pants off? Else, you’re going to get sick”

“I’m going to get sick from being too hot?”

A flick of impatience crossed his face, but he quickly erased it by laughing again.

“Well, I hope not. Otherwise you’d be bedridden”

His flattery made her genuinely smile and she noticed her face warming up from something significantly different than the high temperature in the room.

“You spend too much time with Asmodeus”

“Look who’s talking”

Solomon kept his mouth open and MC stared in apprehension, keeping a few uncomfortable seconds between them until he finally shook his head and turned to continue watching the movie. She tried to mask her relief, doing the same, but she could tell that he wasn’t as engrossed anymore.

Minutes passed, almost half an hour, until Solomon finally cooled down the room again with a wave of his hand. Her body eased and she almost broke with a satisfied groan, letting herself fall against his body and momentarily forgetting about her previous discomfort.

The darkness of the screen and the haunting chanting of a woman dragged her to unconsciousness, but she forced her eyes open, paying excessive attention to the plot. It was a sad scene, one of the saddest by far, and it wasn’t too long before Solomon’s hand creeped behind her back and grabbed her shoulder. At first she was confused and then, making her heart stop for just a second, she recognized what had suddenly worried her boyfriend.

“Do you think that’s how she felt?” she asked, trying not to see their relationship portrayed in the movie. “Lilith, I mean”

Solomon hummed, not letting her go, and slowly, but surely, started to nod. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes and she immediately wished things were different.

“Most probably, yes” he stayed silent for a few seconds, staring at Arwen crying on her father’s shoulder with great despair. Then, he said what MC desperately wanted to avoid hearing “That’s how I feel too”

A familiar sting closed her throat. The consequences of dating an immortal man, she supposed.

“I imagine going to your burial more often that I would like” he continued saying in a hushed, dark tone. “But I don’t think I would be able to leave after”

“What? You’ve never told me this!”  

“Well, it’s not the happiest of conversations”

“Don’t be like that” MC pleaded, sitting straight to look at him directly. “We don’t even know if that’s how it’s going to go. Maybe I'll turn immortal too”

He let out a humourless chuckle, pulling her close until she was sitting on his lap before pausing the movie. A heavy silence settled and MC became painfully aware of everything. It wasn’t the first time they had been so close to each other, but she didn’t feel happy about it this time, her body glued to his in such a way that the possibility of him not feeling every inch of her was almost non-existent.

The fateful end of their relationship, the depreciating thoughts about herself and the immense love he was looking at her with made her feel nauseous.

“Do you really think that?”

“If life has taught me something, is that anything can happen” she shrugged, brushing his hair before kissing his forehead. “Who knows? Maybe we’re not Aragorn and Arwen. Maybe we’re Gandalf and Galadriel and we’ll stay together until you grow a beard and I become pretty”

“You’re extremely beautiful”

Solomon looked like she offended him, which made her laugh, but she didn’t feel like she was lying. With fair smooth skin, long silken hair and a body resembling a dream, it was impossible to look at the elf and not feel disappointment.

“And I’m not like Gandalf”

“What do you mean? He’s a wizard and he’s an old man”

“Do not call me an old man” he begged with a heartbroken face, but she only laughed harder.

He smiled at her giddy expression, putting her hair behind her ear before making her head rest on his chest. MC thought he would play the movie again, but he didn’t move.

“Aren’t Gandalf and Galadriel just friends, anyway? I don’t want to be just friends with you, MC”

“He’s in love with her, though”

“Is he?”

“Are you serious? Look at her!”

“I don’t want to look at her, I want to look at you!” he laughed, sneaking his hand under her shirt and caressing her back. She thought of rejecting his touch, but with the way he was keeping her so close, that would’ve been a stupid decision. At the same time, his words made her heart beat ridiculously faster. “I don’t want to be Aragorn and date Arwen and I don’t want to be Gandalf and be in love with Galadriel. I want to be me, being in love with you and dating you. And no one is going to take that away from me, not even you”

Her throat closed again and her vision became blurry. How could she even answer that?

“Your tastes are messed up” she finally said in a wobbly voice.

“Your perception is messed up” he refuted, pushing her away to dry the tears and kiss the corner of her eyes, then her cheeks, the tip of her nose and, finally, her lips. “Let’s turn off the movie, I have something much better to look at tonight”

.

.

[waitmyturtles]

SOME GOOD SHOWS THAT I LIKED IN 2023! (AND SOME THAT I DIDN'T)

I watched A LOT of stuff that did not originally air in 2023 by dint of my Old GMMTV Challenge. This list is inclusive of this recognition!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: HE'S COMING TO ME

I have no other words: this is my favorite Thai BL of all time. Perfect length, perfect plot, perfect celebration of Thai culture, perfect acting, the greatest coming out scene of all time, the BEST of the best BL moms. Perfection.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THIS YEAR: BAD BUDDY

I don't even want to think about how many words I've written on Bad Buddy this year, but they're well deserved for this REMARKABLE show. I've got a thing for shows by Aof Noppharnach that feature Ohm Pawat, what can I say!

THE MOST INFLUENTIAL SHOW(S) I WATCHED THIS YEAR: LOVE SICK AND SOTUS

The influence of Love Sick and SOTUS can be seen in SO MANY Thai BLs, even through today. Without having watched these two shows to start my OGMMTVC project, I wouldn't have the context for what later shows like Bad Buddy and Theory of Love were commenting on by way of their content and structures. Love Sick in particular was a HELL of a lift -- but I am damn glad I watched it, and I certainly feel nostalgia for it today.

Honorable mentions of influential pieces that had impacts on Thai BLs: Love of Siam and Dew the Movie

MY OTHER FAVORITE OLD SHOWS I WATCHED: UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN AND THEORY OF LOVE

BANGERS!!!

If New Siwaj ever tops Until We Meet Again, I'll fly to Bangkok and give him a gold medal. That long-ass show, 17 EPISODES, I WANTED MORE! OhmFluke's chemistry was great, the story delved SO deeply into historical homophobia and how culture and acceptance changes over time -- scrumptious. Theory of Love, man, the way this show ate up implicit compassion bias and gave it right back to us. I loved it. KHAI FOREVER!

THE BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: MOONLIGHT CHICKEN

Not only was Moonlight Chicken my first real live fandom experience on Tumblr, it was a hell of an amazing show, incorporating so much of what I love particularly about Thai BLs, and how many Thai BLs do not shy away from celebrating Asian cultural touchpoints. From exploring Jim's internalized homophobia by way of his rural upbringing, to juxtaposing Pattaya's spiritual symbols with growing development that upends older strains of local culture, Moonlight Chicken offered a lovely commentary on what it means to be queer in an ever-changing Thailand.

THE OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY?/KINOU NANI TABETA? SEASON 2

BRILLIANTLY ACTED by literally the best actors in the Asian BL game: we are blessed that Nishijima Hidetoshi and Uchino Seiyou have given so much to this franchise. It's hard to write about this show because it's so perfect -- it needs no extraneous words. Plot, pacing, acting, character development, gratuitous food shots. It has it all.

THE OTHER OTHER BEST SHOW I WATCHED THAT ACTUALLY AIRED IN 2023: I CANNOT REACH YOU

Just like Bad Buddy looked at Thai BL tropes in the eye and said, "over my Nong Nao," I Cannot Reach You asked Japanese BLs about the efficacy of almost every trope we've gotten used to, and questioned them with efficiency. The biggest shocker for me? REAL COMMUNICATION, encouraged by the CIPHER, Hosaka, that allowed the two lead protagonists to confirm their love and understand each other. It was straightforward and FUCKING GOOD.

A SHOW THAT AIRED IN 2023 THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ABOUT YET, THAT I NEED TO REWATCH IN CHRONOLOGY, THAT ALSO DID SOME TROPE/GENRE ASS-KICKING THAT I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT: LA PLUIE

La Pluie was FEARLESS. The show had a LOT to say about romance and soulmates not being as much of a realistic thing as content-makers... and, frankly, majority society would like us to think. La Pluie made its characters WORK for love and understanding, and had us viewers face our implicit biases about how romantic content should and could work. I watched this show out of order of the OGMMTVC watchlist to see it it was one of the best of the year, and it certainly is. I'm planning a deep rewatch for early 2024 to pen my words on it.

A SHOW THAT ALMOST TOPPED MY 2023 LIST BUT GOT DOCKED BECAUSE I ENDED UP LIKING THE NOVEL A LOT BETTER: I FEEL YOU LINGER IN THE AIR

@neuroticbookworm and @lurkingshan know that I flipped THA FUCK out over this show -- FABULOUSLY acted by Nonkul Chanon and Bright Rapheephong, FABULOUS cinematography, great story up until the end of the series. My fangirling led me to read the original novel by Violet Rain, and -- I found out that Jom was a lot more damn sassy than we got in the show! Tee Bundit's penchant for sadness won. This is not to dock the show, but the novel had more than enough material to carry the series through without repeating themes in the end. So it fell on my 2023 list, womp womp. BUT I STILL LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS SHOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

TWO SHOWS THAT I'M SUPER GLAD I CAUGHT UP WITH WHILE THEY WERE AIRING: THE EIGHTH SENSE AND BE MY FAVORITE

Be My Favorite looked at Krist Perawat's checkered past as a BL idol and said: we are going to examine this and make an honest BL out of inspiration from it. It wasn't a perfect show, the time travel shit didn't end up adding up in the end, BUT -- excellent acting from two GMMTV VETS made up for those tangles, and I loved the contextual philosophical references throughout the series. The Eighth Sense looked at the tug-of-war that Korean BLs have with K-dramas and their tropes and said, actually? We will have these dudes full-frontal kiss, and placed that energy against commentaries on mental health, both topics that Korea hasn't quite embraced as quickly as other countries.

HONORABLE MENTIONS OF OTHER AWESOME SHOWS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE AIRED IN 2023

Make It Right, Our Dating Sim, Dark Blue Kiss, Gay OK Bangkok, Dirty Laundry, 10 Years Ticket, I Told Sunset About You, I Promised You the Moon, 3 Will Be Free, Lovely Writer (underrated?!), Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars (UNDERRATED!), and Manner of Death.

And the shows that are airing that I know will stay with me well into 2024: Last Twilight and Cherry Magic Thailand.

I had fun!

WHAT ELSE, WHAT ELSE: THE "NO" SHOWS: THE PROMISE AND STEP BY STEP

I'm not even hyperlinking my thoughts on these shows, nor gifting them with gifs. Insert Bugs Bunny NOOOOOO gif here! We got Man Trisanu, though.

THE SHOW I WAS THE MOST OBVIOUSLY DISAPPOINTED BY: ONLY FRIENDS

Despite my passionate disappointment for this show and how it ended: in the context of the OGMMTVC, Only Friends is still an incredibly important inclusion to the list. Some amazing Tumblr bloggers offered commentary that the bias against sex that OF contained within the show was actually importantly and culturally contextual to the still-conservative state of acceptance that Thailand is currently in (here and here for more reading).

Only Friends reminded us that despite any kind of marketing that we here on Tumblr, as a majority non-Thai audience, may receive about a Thai show -- that we are still not fully plugged into the non-verbal expectations of what a show like OF could promise to do, and to be okay when it doesn't reach those heights. In light of the seemingly pro-sex marketing blasts that previewed the series before its airing, OF ultimately seemed to want to take casual sex, chew it up, and spit it out. There might be reasons why that happened that we just don't know about as outsiders to Thailand. But as an Asian-American viewer that was hoping for neutral -- and maybe even supportive -- commentary on single folks having casual sex without judgement, OF did not deliver for me.

I'm ending the year reading Dr. Thomas Baudinette's book, Boys Love Media in Thailand, the first book-length ethnographic study on the impact of BL on queerness, media, and more in Thailand and across Asia. Baudinette comes from the world of Japanese queer media studies -- as someone who came to Thai BLs this year from Japanese BLs, I appreciate his trajectory. It's clearly a necessity for me to read this book in the context of the OGMMTVC, to understand how Thai BLs have changed over time, and to understand the incredibly larger impact of heterosexual/heteronormative media and themes on Thai media as a whole, as larger and larger swaths of Thai, Asian, and international societies welcome and watch BLs with open arms.

All of this feeds into my ever-growing body of knowledge about the impact of Thai BLs, both in Thailand and across Asia, as Baudinette writes about, and how these shows have and are developed/developing over time. It's been an AMAZING YEAR of watching old and new dramas for me, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the genre grows even more in 2024.

I also made AMAZING FRIENDS on Tumblr -- y'all know who you are! What a year of growth and discovery for me: this has been a fabulous experience, and I'm looking forward to even more growth in the new year!

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

What are your opinions on each of the songs? (you can answer with as much or as little detail as you'd like)

Big shocker that the songs from the 2 good episodes are in S and the only one that isn’t is still B tier/sar

The first 2 songs in S made me either tear up/shake violently or cry, and therefore they deserve to be up there IMO. Out for love is also just genuinely catchy and had actual build up to it. Also God “Ready for This” just. OOUGGGHHH IT SCRATCHES MY BRAIN SO GOOD LIKE A WARRIOR CATS MAP. I like it a lot. You cant have multiple characters sing about working together and expect me to NOT cry.

“Stayed Gone” isn’t one I listen to often but it’s so peppy and fast and full of hatred I can’t help but enjoy it. Also everytime the song starts my brain does this

I dont know anything about Welcome Home

I have. Issues. With “Loser, Baby” but aside from those the song holds a lot more weight to it than I usually give it credit for. And for as cheesy as the start if it is, the line before of Angel talking about self destructing resonates with me a lot. Also Husk lays down in a puddle of vomit and no one talks about that ever.

I think the first song in B is “Happy Day in Hell” and I’m adding it there 1. Because it is the first song 2. It gets a reprise thing 3. Charlie almost gets hit by a truck. Other than that it’s not really my favourite but I respect the impact it has.

“Hell is Forever” just fucks. End of story. Alex Brightman killed it.

“Respectless” is good I love Velvette’s VA, but the sudden start of the song and the ending are so out of left field the first time me and my friends watched this show we had to pause cause we lost our fucking minds. Could’ve been better but I’d listen to it again, yeah.

“Hell’s Greatest Dad” is silly and funny and maybe I’m biased as a violin player and jazz enjoyer but a lot of the instrumental tickles my brain so nicely. I will say though it confuses me so much because why does Alastor care about being seen as a father figure?? My mom said it could just be him wanting to show up Lucifer and that’s it but I dunno.

“More than Anything (Reprise)” AKA “Charlie and Veggie Kiss Scene - Hazbin Hotel”

This song sounds like it’s straight out of Barbie & Th Diamond Castle and I’m honestly pissed the girls in the movie didn’t kiss so I’m coping with this. ALSO THE FACT ITS A REPRISED SONG ABOUT LOVE MAKES ME A BIT CRAZY. I never noticed this was the same song Lucifer sang to Charlie SOMEHOW but that’s actually really cute.

“It Starts With Sorry” Has a big part in Sir Pentious’s character growth and just his character in general. I’ve been working on this in my Pentious rant but I never see people mention how much this song probably meant to him. Yeah it’s super corny, but he was fully expecting to be killed and had just been told to kill himself. This was definitely huge for him and I’m not gonna be convinced otherwise.

“You Didn’t Know” is really good but Lute’s part is by far the best and I pray to GOD she gets her own song in S2 her voice actor can SING. GODDAMN! I am very interested in Lute’s character development and I love seeing what people do with close-minded characters like that and hopefully Vivzie doesn’t condemn her to Vivziepop Woman Syndrome. If she isn’t important in S2 I’m going to be pissed but I dunno maybe S3 if we get one.

“More Than Anything” Wish my dad was like this! This song is incredibly sweet and I appreciate it a lot. Honestly might go way higher on the list if I keep thinking about it.

“Whatever It Takes” Sorry you will never be Imagine Dragons. Vaggie doesn’t sound anything like herself cause her VA is making her voice so much more gruff for her character, which is fine! I like her voice (the voice direction is not very good but I digress) it’s just her voice is so high in this I can’t even tell it’s Vaggie.

“Welcome to Heaven” is boring, but we got a Molly cameo!

“Poison”. Read this and this and this. -10/10. I’d rather make out violently with Elon Musk.

[smoshidiot]

vidcon 2024 !

hi guys this is my rambly post abt my experience at vidcon this year if anyone wants to read abt it! overall i wanna say that it was absolutely incredible and i def wanna go back next yearr

DAY 1: check in! literally nothing youtube related happened this day but it was fun as hell to check out the venue and meet up with my friends

DAY 2: smosh meet and greet day. holy shit. in the morning was anthony's ISADW matpat panel and besties when i tell you i was worried he wouldn't be there until I SAW HIM WITH MY TWO EYES. but incredibly he does exist? and he DID show up to vidcon? the panel was such a blast and it was interesting to hear about how the past few months have been for matpat. it was also just cool as hell knowing the rest of smosh was waiting right behind the curtain 🥹 and we could see nicole off to the side enjoying the panel. also shout out to @smoshkidtv who i got to meet before the panel and is legit the greatest i love them sm ok ty

then, almost right after, there's a post on socials that's like "get to the M&G early if you want free essentials merch!" so ofc me and a few friends BOOK it up to the M&G line and are prepared to sit and wait for like 4h lmao. we pass the time by watching smosh the movie and it goes by surprisingly quickly. after being moved into the official queue it's really not that long before smosh shows up and the nerves HIT. luckily we did show up early enough for the merch (smh for 4h we better have lmaoo) and it was so cool to talk to some of the crew (kiana/erica) passing it out. then the whole smosh cast comes out. weirdly the FIRST person i saw was marcus lmao but it was great to see him (and his eyebrows) in person.

i was near the very front of the line so i really didn't even have that much time to prep before i went up with my bestie of all time @smoshmonker! but waaaa ok so we go up and anthony calls out the shirt i'm wearing bc it's a recreation of my fave 2006 catch em all shirt

he asks if i bought it from smosh.com and i go "i made it actually!" and he's like :000 and thinks it's really cool until spencer yells "DUPE" and they all get fake mad at me LMAO. i remember ian going "we're gonna sue your ass" and i'll cherish that forever. anyways then i introduce myself and say that i do art n shit and nearly forget to say my name. but holy shit guys... the second i go "my name is ana", i see ian and anthony LIGHT up 🥺 they immediately recognized me and seemed excited to see me, it was genuinely so surreal. i didn't get to talk to anthony much directly bc he was standing in the back but it looked like he WANTED to say smth to me and even that was wild. and ian was so fuckin sweet and complimentary abt my art. then i ask if we can do a friendship always wins highfive pose. ofc i ask if ian and anthony can reach each other even tho they're not standing right next to each other. bc quite frankly, what's the point of doing this pose if the besties aren't highfiving?

then the second pose was more of a surprise for @yourinterestisnotcringe hehe. we brought out a potato plush for ian to hold and he was too fuckin cute about it. he was absolutely charmed by the idea of the lil potato plush and i love this pose that he went for lmao

then as we're about to leave, ian surprises my by going "thank you for all of the cool art that you make!" and i'm just .. on fucking cloud 9. i go absolutely breathless for a moment when ian hecox, standing right in front of me, thanks me for the stuff that i make. i stutter out smth like "sorry but can i hug you?" and him being the sweetest man ever goes "absolutely!" and goes in for the hug 😭💕 it was the perfect hug and i'll forever have the mental image of his lil gold chain sparkling in the light.

then we go off to the side and @squig-s is there talking to erica and kiana again and ?? they introduce me to alé? who was so freakin cool and lovely and reached out to shake my hand. then to be quite honest we all leave the meet and greet and have a good fuckin cry bc we JUST MET SMOSH

DAY 3: panel day! we get there early as FUCK bc we have a Plan(tm) and need to be in the front row to execute it lmao. like 10 months ago we had the plan for a bunch of us to dress as that damn neighbor at vidcon and damn it, we WENT for it.

also here's ian and anthony (and damien lol) shouting us out at the beginning of the panel

the panel itself was a ton of fun! it was a live reading of reddit stories and one of them was NUTS. it was such a blast to receive a live update tbh. then RIGHT after the reddit panel ended, we had to book it upstairs to get seats for the smosh mouth panel.

I don't remember a ton from this one other than them talking about boobs for most of it. also !! krungle is returning!! i'm so fuckin excited i'd die for krungle i can't wait to have her back. also anthony was sitting on the ground off to the side of the panel and i made awkward eye contact w him a few times lol. i am also honestly bummed that ian wasn't the guest for this one, but spencer and angela were great and they really just goofed off for an hour, it was a fun time.

DAY 4: the last day of vidcon </3 there wasn't a ton on the schedule today regarding smosh, but i DID have a slot for the mari meet and greet so i made sure to go check that out and ?? holy shit ALL of OGSoG was there 🥺 i had actually met them before at a con years ago and it was so wild to see them again, i really didn't think i'd be able to. this meet and greet was SO much more chill than smosh just based on nerves. these 4 were honestly so sweet and the vibes were so fuckin goofy it was lovely ♡ also who's gonna tell joven that this isn't a heart

then we had the mythical kitchen panel! it was a lot of fun even tho i only rly knew trevor and josh oop. trevor was such a sweetheart and stayed after at the end to take some pics and i got one with him on my fuckin 3DS lmao. i love the crunch of this pic, it's one of my faves from the weekend tbh. also i pray to GOD that he wears this hoodie again. he looks so good in pink

but that's pretty much it! idk if anyone is even reading this so hi if u did ♡ it was such a magical week and i'm so so so fuckin grateful for it all

[that-one-anxious-mango]

lady in my life.

Summary: It’s official…your fave couple is are getting hitched’.

Contents: FLUFF TO DEATH. Clueless reader. Nervous Austin. Happy friends and family. Angst if you squint. Allusions to religion. 

Pairing: Austin Butler x Black Reader

Warnings: I am not responsible for any stray tears or sobbing!

A/N: Hello beautiful humans! It’s me. First, I’m so sorry this took so long! I know I said last weekend but I wanted to make this perfect and rewrote it over and over until I finally stopped the madness. So two, I ask that everyone please be kind! I did my best and I know it’s not the greatest, but honey I put my soul in this lol. As always thanks for reading and sticking with me.

P.S Everyone feel free to comment and send more prompts, asks, and noodles! Much love! *hugs*

---

" You're ridiculous." You grumbled out to the blonde haired man next to in the driver's seat who was laughing at your passionate outrage.

" Am not. " He shot back, " You're just too proud to admit that you might be wrong is all." He countered laughing at the scrunch in your eyebrows that you made as you glowered at him.

" Are too! I mean how could you say that! It's so..so s-o just..wrong! You're wrong, Butler." You concluded folding your arms across you chest in confidence.

" Nope I'm right. You can't beat the original, babe. It's a classic and that's my opinion. Deal with it." Austin cemented.

" Austin. Babe." You turned your head deadpanning him, " I can confidently say that me and about ninety-eight percent of the world will agree that Shrek 2 is absolutely better than Shrek 1. The end. So I don't care what you or any of the other pointy eared people of the world have to say about it because that's not a opinion, it's a fact. " You shrugged.

Smiling at how cute he thought you looked trying to be all serious Austin laughed, " Baby, is this what your going to do if we ever get married. Make fun of me to win a argument and look cute while doing it." He playfully squeezed your thigh with the hand resting on it.

You could feel your cheeks heat at the mention of the two of you married. It was something that you often pondered and had had some musings and conversations with Austin about. You already could see yourself being married but you wouldn’t lie. The thought seemed scary. 

Would you really be enough for him forever?

All of a sudden feeling shy you turned your head toward the window to try and hide the gooey smile on your face that complimented the butterflies fluttering in your stomach that had made a permanent home there since you'd met your man almost two years ago.

Responding you say trying to sound light hearted, " Absolutely. Even though you may be handsome, smart, talented, kind, and equipped with certain mouth skills. I have to keep you from getting a big head one way or another. Besides this one wasn't much of a argument because like I said the clear answer is two. And even though you're wrong, you're still cute."

Austin couldn't help that he kept chuckling at you, " Whatever you say goes then I guess. Just as long as we can both agree that Lilo and Stitch is one of the best movies ever, I think we'll be fine." Austin patted your thigh.

" Well duh. I think you can tell from the fifty thousand times I’ve had us watch it that I whole heartedly agree.” You reminded him. 

Nodding Austin glanced over at you with a smile on his face.

‘And I can’t wait to keep watching it with you over and over again for the rest of my life. He thought.

Eventually the two of you were exiting the car in a parking lot a block away from the Totem. Austin said there was construction being done in the surrounding area of the place so the usual parking lot and spaces were blocked.

Grabbing Austin's hand you sighed already feeling your feet begin to ache at the thought of walking the block in the new black converse shoes you'd just bought that weren't broken in yet. You were feeling cute today for some reason so when you thought of wearing them, you paired the shoes with some nice jeans and a cute blue low neck long sleeved top Austin suggested while you got ready. The two of you were stopping by The Totem for a second before heading over to a casual gathering Austin had been invited to. So you wanted to look your best.

 Your hair was unusually silk pressed and flowing down your back since a couple days ago Alex had asked you to be her test dummy for a new heat protectant she wanted to try, and at the stipulation she clipped your ends you obliged. 

Noticing a frown on your face he asked, “ What’s the matter? “ Shaking your hand to get your attention.

Looking up you shook your head quickly, “ Nothing.” 

He raised he eyebrows while stopping you both, “ Y/N..” He asked.

You already knew that he wasn’t going to let it go you sighed, “ It’s nothing babe, honest. It’s just that I wish I would have worn better shoes. These are about to be a pain to walk in.” You huffed.

“ Well then don’t.” He stated simply back. “ Hop on.” He turned to move so you could jump on his back.

Giggling at how silly he looked you asked, “ Are you serious? “

He laughed back, “ About my baby being comfortable? Fuck yeah. Now c’mon.” He repeated. 

Doing a quick look around you shrugged, “ Okay..then.” You agreed moving to grab at his shoulders.

" Alright, mama. On the count of three. One...two..THREE!" He coached.

Shrieking in glee you launched yourself onto his back where you secured your legs around his waist and arms around his neck. He made sure that you were attached to him good before he continued walking with a giddy you on his back.

You used a hand to cup the side of his cheek as you pressed a multitude of kisses to the side of his face and neck. Equally as happy he moved his head to the side to return the favor to a giggling you over and over again.

And before you knew the two of you had reached the door of the ever beloved totem, but once you seen the sign through the window your gleeful expression dropped.

Closed.

Immediately Austin could feel you begin to wiggle on his back in discontent, " No! No! No! Awe. I really wanted that cookie! " You pouted. " I could have sworn you said they were open when you checked."

Pressing another kiss to your cheek Austin wrapped you tighter around him, " I know, Mama. I did too." He offered." Maybe they just closed for a second for a cleaning or something." He tried reasoning. Just as you were about to suggest that the two of you pick up a box of insomnia cookies and go home to lounge in your underwear, Austin spotted your favorite barista through the door.

" Look it's Cameron. Maybe she can come to the door and we can ask." Austin suggests.

Your eyes grew in introverted horror, " No! No! Austin don't! " You protested trying to shift your body to get him to turn around.

But it was too late he'd already began knocking. " Hey Cam! Cameron! "

" Aus...." You whined feeling yourself involuntarily cringe.

But still that didn't stop him from continuing to knock on the door and call out like a mad person until Cameron finally came to the door cracking it open.

" Hey guys what's up? " She greeted looking chipper than usual. Probably because with the shop closing so her shift was shorter today.

" Nothing much. Sorry to bother you guys. I know you look to be closed and I really hate to ask truthfully. But is there any chance by the grace of God that you may have some oatmeal chocolate cookies and dark chocolate latte mix in there on stand by...maybe." He inquired squinting his eyes.

You turned your head cringing because you couldn't imagine ever feeling this confident to do something like this, and not to mention you felt bad bothering these poor people.

Turning her head to look back toward the café Cameron looked back to the two of you nodding, " I'm sure we could find some for the best of our two customers. Plus we're just closed for a couple hours for some deep cleaning so no big. C'mon in quick before anyone else sees you guys and thinks were open."           

   She ushered you in with a chorus of ‘thank yous’ coming from Austin and yourself.

Once you were inside Austin gently set you down pressing a kiss to your forehead while you made a puzzled face at him.

Even though he was a lot more social than you in most aspects due to his job, Austin was still just as much of a introvert as you at heart. So you were surprised he had knocked on the door like that.

Shrugging it off you glanced around at possibly your most favorite place on earth.

 It looked normal. None of the tables and chairs were put up, the bakery display was full, with treats and all the machines were still running. The only difference was that the store lights were slightly dimmed and that was really it.

They must have just closed. 

Grabbing your hand Austin walked you two over to the register so he could begin placing your usual orders.

For you, a medium light ice mango passion fruit tea with a oatmeal cookie chip cookie. As for him he always got, a extra cold oat milk latte with dark chocolate syrup and a shot of expresso that was usually paired with a cherry turnover of all things. And on days like these where the two of you hadn't eaten but still wanted to make dinner at home you split a harvarti grilled cheese (your favorite).

While Cameron rang it all up he turned to you, " You know what would go great with these, babe? " He questioned bringing out his wallet.

You stared up to him, " Hmm? "

" A poem from the poem machine to read. You mind going to get one while I take care of the rest of this." He questioned with a shiny quarter appearing in his hands to you.

You smiled, " No I don't mind. But first, put this in the tip jar for me, please." You asked handing him the five dollar bill, " And second keep you're quarter, babe I got my own." You shook your cute little googly eyed change purse at him.

The Totem had a really cool thing where they had a gumball machine full of poems from artists discovered and undiscovered throughout many periods of time. When the two of you started frequenting the place more often after your first encounter it'd become fun to get them to read. Plus all the money from the machine gets donated to minority charities which is a plus.

" I know you do. But I want you to use mine, please." He countered.

You frowned, " But you alrea-" . A kiss pressed to your lips cut you off and instead willed you to comply because when he pulled away and looked you dead in the eye, and without a word you took the quarter in your hand and ventured off to come back with a gumball poem.

Once you were around out of sight, Cameron clamped a hand over her mouth to hold in the excited scream that wanted to escape as Austin blew out a big breath of air watching you disappear a bit a ways.

He could hear quiet giggles and muffled laughs coming from the storage room where some of yours and Austin's closest friends were crammed into as they waited for their signal to pop out and start up the potential engagement party or crying session in the cafe's seating.

This whole thing had been two months of planning in advance. From both you and him conveniently both having the same day completely off which wasn't the norm, to all of a sudden earlier in the week Alex and Phoebe wanting to go to the nail salon for some girl time and the hair thing, yesterday night at a dinner hang Beatrice had out of no-where started bawling crying looking at you.                     

   And how The Totem wasn't actually closed for cleaning but rather booked out for the evening by Austin who'd instructed the close friends to get here a hour before the two of you and park sporadically in the area so you wouldn't get suspicious. The whole staff was in on it and had been in the kitchen working overtime to craft the menu Austin and the owner, Margo, had curated for later that consisted of all yours and his fave items from here. For the “casual gathering “ you were dressed for.

Earlier in your relationship during a random late night convo you’d lethargically told Austin your dream engagement scenario which included your future hubby to propose somewhere meaningful to the relationship with some kind of corny heartfelt action. You’d also joked that it’d be funny if there was like a surprise party after or something so you’d be able to skip the hassle of planning a engagement party. 

And even though the two of you sleepily had this conversation a year and a half ago, Austin never forgot.

Waiting until the coast was clear Phoebe walked out with tears in her eyes as she was overcome with excitement and anticipation silently coming around the counter and handing Austin the small black box she'd been entrusted with yesterday on the sly when she came to stop by really quick. Austin didn’t wanna risk you finding it at all. 

Riddled with he nerves shakily accepted it running his finger across the small black box.

Putting her hand over Austin's Phoebe whispered, " It's okay. Don't sweat it. You love her and she loves you. That's all that matters. Just remember to ease into and take your time." She encouraged. " And just keep loving my bestfriend." She advised.

Nodding Austin carefully wrapped her in a hug with a small chorus of thank yous tagged along.

When they pulled apart Phoebe motioned to the storage room door that was cracked as yours and Austin's friends stuck their heads out whisper yelling words of encouragement and thumbs up that stuck out from behind the heads. Including a Ashley who was bonding with her new-found friend Beatrice over a very hefty tissue they were both using. 

Nervously laughing and rubbing the back of his neck Austin cast them one last wave of  a thank you before the door closed and he moved over to bay-window table that had become you and Austin's staple spot. The food was already placed thanks to Cameron. Shooting her a thank you, clammy handed Austin rubbed them together blowing out air in nerves and anticipation while he waited for his future wife to come to the table.

Max, a staff member quietly made sure the camera hidden on a opposite table was rolling and the mic also hidden on your table was working well to feed to the speaker in the storage room so everyone could hear, then scampering back to the kitchen. 

---

When you made it to the poem machine you inserted the precious coin and turned the knob to produce the little plastic container. Although you did get distracted making your way back to the café by stopping to browse some books (which Austin had counted on), you'd picked up a new one by Kennedy Ryan titled Before I let go that you'd been hearing good things about.

Making your way back you found Austin at your table and took a seat.

Hearing your footsteps he quickly pulled himself together to put back on the confident and cool aura he'd been purposefully displaying today.

You can do this, just be cool.

Taking a seat you immediately thanked your man and then began to eat your delights. Austin grinned watching you moan in delight eating your goodies. 

" Good? " He asked watching you wiggle and sway around happily while munching.

You nodded throwing a thumbs up.

" Good. Now, what'd you find, honey? " Austin takes a sip of his latte.

Waiting a second to finish you answered, " Oh..Um. It's that book I told that I wanted to find by that new author I recently discovered Kennedy Ryan. It's the on about the couple who's still in-love with each other after they divorced after being married for years with kids."

At the mention of the D word Austin couldn't help the choke on his coffee that happened as he set down his drink trying to catch his breath.

 Immediately you reached across the table to pat his back in concern. Silently thanking you he motioned for you to sit back down much to your protest. He already felt nervous.

" I'm fine, baby. I'm alright just w-ent down the wrong pipe is all. " He reassured grabbing at your hand. Knowing you'd protest he spoke, "I'm okay really. Just while I catch my breath why don't you read the poem you got." He suggested biting the bullet as he knew he couldn't wait any longer. He knew he needed to ease into it, but he didn’t know if he’d be able to keep himself alive much longer. 

He'd waited two years already.

That was enough.

Still not totally convinced he was okay you still popped the little sucker open and unfolded the strip of square piece of paper.

Taking one more look at him as he offered you a somber smile and nod to the paper.

You smiled not knowing that the small prints on the paper were about to change your life,

" So, it says.." You started:

" To the love of my life,

Our love will be ever thine, ever mine, ever ours                                                    for each passing minute, second, and hour                                                       until the days of our love bleed together.

Because if you'll be my wife,                                                                                      and take me a fool in love as your husband you shall be always be my greatest inspiration and joy in life.

This may be corny, I admit but to you my heart, mind, soul, and essence I commit for forever, always, and beyond.

Written to you will all I am.

Your hopeful future husband,

Austin."

You finished glancing over the words.

" Awe that's so sweet that someone would write that." You said out loud still not fully processing what'd you read.

With extremely observant eyes Austin continued to watch you transform like a caterpillar of cluelessness from a cocoon, to a butterfly in disbelief as you slowly went through the phases of realization.

At first you felt warmth in your heart.

But as the reality set in you felt your heart sped up a little.

O-oh SHIT! 

Is this? Is he? 

For longer than a minute you couldn't stop your eyes from rapidly re-reading the poem over and over again until your vision got a little blurry and you could feel the paper become wet and slick up your fingertip.

Even though your brain was still working overtime to compute what the fuck you had just read. It wasn't fully sinking in until his voice pulled you from your racing thought.

" Baby..."

Like his voice controlled the room you could see out your peripheral that the main lights had been turned down even lower so that beautifully strung string lights that decorated the place brightly at night, popped on. And the sound of Michael Jackson’s Lady in my Life began to play over the store speakers. 

Slowly lifting your head while you felt the tears race each other down your face, you were met with Austin's face that was equally mixed with happiness, fear, and devotion wrapped all into one. He looked a bit flush and his cerulean eyes looked glossy with tears of his own. You watched him look to his own hand, training his view you let out a audible gasp.

And then you that's when you seen it, the small black box that he had in his hand.

 He cleared his throat before starting, " Two years ago today right here in this very spot I fell in love with you and had half the mind to ask you to marry me then. And each day since I’ve found a new reason to keep falling. Your the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last person I wanna see when I go to bed. I love you. I mean every part of you. I love your kind heart, budding intelligence, fierce loyalty, those curls and coils that grow our of your head toward the sun, those delicious thighs decorated with beautiful handcrafted marks and strokes from god's paint brush." You began blushing at this part.

" I want our children to inherit that smile that has the power to brighten any room you enter. I wanna look you in those gorgeous eyes that sparkle when you talk about your goals and dreams that I'll use every ounce of my power to support and help make happen. I'll keep forcing you to take cold medicine even if it means physically holding you like infant again. And I’ll watch Twilight, Lilo and Stitch, Greys Anatomy and whatever the hell else to keep you as happy as possible. " He recalled his interesting introduction to your aversion to flu medicine.

" Since knowing you there isn't anyone else I could imagine wanting to spend the rest of my life with. Sharing good times and bad, awkward and more awkward. " He continued making you smile. " You came into my life and made me grow as a human being and then from a little seedling our relationship has grown too through the love we have. And I want it to continue to grow...only now I hope it will grow with us as husband and wife." He declares.

“ Baby, you are the lady in my life and I want you and only you to be my lady. Forever.“ He continues.

Wordlessly you watched as he got up to kneel down in front of where you sat opening up the little black box to reveal a absolutely gorgeous ring you were almost too certain was too nice for your hand.

Looking to you he inhaled before asking staring you straight into your soul,         

“ So..Y/N Y/M/N Y/N, will do this poor fool in love a mercy and please marry me? “ He finished.

Still stunned you were quiet feeling as if you were stuck.

You couldn’t believe this was happening.

This man who could have married probably any woman on the planet was asking YOU, of all people to marry him.

YOU!

You felt worry begin to creep in. Worry that you wouldn’t be enough for him, worry that he wouldn’t always feel the same, but mostly worry that you’d screw this up. 

Growing up you’d never really had a example of a healthy or stable loving marriage. So how good would you be at something you had no idea about? 

That worry wanted to push you to say no and bolt out the door to go into the nearest witness protection program.

But when you looked at this man. Really looked your man, who you’d spent every minute of two years loving, and wanted to love for the rest of your life. 

All the worry melted.

Because he was it. He was the man who made even your deepest fears melt, and that was the kind of man you’d always hoped and prayed to marry.

You didn’t hide the gooey and down right bright smile that formulated on your face.

Not wanting to keep an obviously sweating Austin in suspense any longer, or unknowingly a whole backroom, kitchen staff, and others on edge who were clutching their pearls while holding on to each other. You spoke. 

" Does this mean on the honeymoon we get to play accidentally in love in the background and have a montage like Shrek and Fiona ...or one like twilight." You goofed smiling through tears.

Blowing out air of relief as he was sure he was about to keel over he chuckled, " Woman what am I gonna go with you." He admired laughing at the power only you possessed to make him laugh while he was having heart palpitations. 

Your smile widen, " Well, first your going to put that ring on my finger, and then lift out this chair and desperately make out with me, and then we're going to plan a honeymoon montage sequence to rival all honeymoon montage sequences, because the answer is yes. A million times yes I will marry you Austin Robert Butler." You answered before jumping up and down in your chair.

Not stopping the tears from rolling down his face he says, "So bossy, “ He joked laughed.

“ Well I warned you this would happen, didn’t I.”

“ You did. And whatever you say goes.” He grinned “ That’s the rule now.”

Grabbing your hand to slid on the stunning jewelry. You didn't get too long to gaze at on your finger because like you requested Austin stood to his feet pulling you up to hoist your legs around his waist as the two of you locked yourselves in a all breath taking, passion filled, white searing kiss that you wish could have lasted forever.

But of course it didn't because you both were interrupted by the sounds of multiple cheers and woops coming from somewhere.

Confused you pulled away watching in amazement as yours and Austin's friends pooled in from the storage room as well as some entering the store through the door.

You playfully pouted at him realizing now all the things he’d done. He’d actually taken you serious and listened.

God! You loved this man!

Placing a big fat kiss to his lips. You wiggled out his embrace before you were practically tackled by sobbing friends.

For the rest of the night the party was set up before your eyes and you got to celebrate mingling with yours and Austin’s friends who some congratulated the two of you, and others started planning future baby showers and anniversary dinners.

After things got a bit overwhelming, Austin had found you and recused you to a small quiet place between bookshelves so you could make out and slow dance the night away with your...fiancée.  

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

I know personally as someone who was in my mid-late teens when I watched su, it really mattered to me to get to see a show that said parent figures aren't just right because they said so, and you DO deserve an apology when they hurt you, but one that also had the nuance to show that while you deserve reconciliation and apologies for being hurt by them, they also act with their own reasons and not usually out of a callous disregard for you. Like yes it obviously doesn't flat apply to full on abusive parents, but to parents who were neglectful without really meaning to be or being unable to do anything about it (like, parents who needed to always be at work or who couldn't be there for you) it's actually very relatable and well calculated. Ngl I think some people just dont know what to do with media they don't directly relate to or immediately understand. I did also see a lot of su criticals who tried to claim the show was about forgiving abusers for this exact reason, but I think you only really get that interpretation out of it if you think all media should be about you specifically

In all honesty, the diamonds really did show three different types of parents who are incredibly toxic and damaging to their children without meaning to hurt them.

Yellow is a workaholic, and holds a very strict no-nonsense attitude. She didn’t make time for Pink or treat her problems as legitimate until it was too late, but she did still very clearly care about her. She didn’t let her emotions show to anyone, least of all to herself because she saw them as an obstacle to what needed to be done.

Blue is her polar opposite, she suffered greatly from a loss and (in this case, correctly) blamed herself for every part of it while never actually processing or overcoming her grief. By not taking care of herself, she lashes out at others and cannot move forward. Before Pink was shattered, Blue was indignant, disdainful, and quick to take out frustrations on Pink when she felt “embarrassed” by her not conforming to their expectations.

White was condescending and more dismissive than the other two. Quick to belittle and intimidate to get her way. She loved Pink, yes, but more in the way one might love a nice coat. She was a perfectionist and projected that need to be right and perfect (literally) on every other gem, the other diamonds most of all as they are implied to be of her own creation. Her ego and inability to accept being wrong (or by extension, those she created doing what she decides is wrong) cause her to force Pink to fall into a role that she was never really suited to. She saw Pink as one of her greatest failures and something she needed to either fix or hide away.

All three of them together formed a very deeply toxic and emotionally abusive relationship towards each other and to Pink most of all. A few people take issue with Steven “forgiving” them as they misconstrue it as a victim forgiving abusers, but at the end of the day Steven is not nor was he ever Pink Diamond. He was mistaken for her and felt some of what she experienced because of that, but he was not a long-term victim the way Pink was, in a lot of ways he was an outsider who had context of the situation and wanted to step in to keep them from hurting anyone else.

More to the point, he doesn’t forgive any of them. He calls them out on their toxic behavior and tries to get the point across to each of them that the way they’ve been living isn’t healthy for anyone, and is actively traumatic not only to them but for everyone they hold power over. The end of the series sees him teaching them how to atone for some of what they’ve done and to help others heal, but he doesn’t stay with them, nor does he invite them to stay on earth despite extending that offer to just about every other gem he encountered. It’s established in the movie that he almost never visits any of them outside of his activism and subtly making sure they aren’t regressing into dangerous people again. In the epilogue series he is shown to be (rightfully) distrustful of Blue and Yellow as well as being openly afraid of White. He helped them feel closure for Pink and repaired the relationship the three of them had, and that was it. Even if he had been in that abusive environment for as long as Pink was, that isn’t an unreasonable response. Some victims of (unintentional!) emotional abuse do find catharsis in confronting their abuser once safely out of that situation and expressing the way that behavior harmed them. Some victims genuinely do want their abusers to become better and healthier people when the abusive traits stem from their own trauma or lack of emotional intelligence. There are other victims in the show who completely sever ties with their abusers and never interact with them again, so this wasn’t trying to push a narrative that victims MUST do that, it was giving people language and strategies to approach these conversations if that is something they want to attempt.

This was another of my famous rambles, but I suppose in conclusion I would say: whether SU crits liked it or not, the final arc of Steven Universe was absolutely helpful to people in toxic home environments. It also served as an allegory for queer children not being accepted by their parents for who they are, and how changing your perspective as a parent and accepting your child is legitimately a healthier option for everyone because to do otherwise just ensures you will lose them in every way that matters.

There’s just a lot of important takeaways from that arc, especially for children. I’m incredibly tired of seeing grown adults whining about it because they chose to take it literally. Well done on missing the point of a show for middle schoolers I suppose, but idk if you really just want to see all villains get killed for their villainy just go watch Breaking Bad or the lion king or something. There are plenty of shows where violence is the answer, there’s not any real point getting furious over one of the few that don’t use that as the ultimate conclusion.

[mygreatadventurehasbegun]

Late Night With the Devil

I was lucky enough to go see Late Night with the Devil in the theater last night...I didn't realize until the day I bought the ticket that this is a very limited release. I also didn't realize that it was made by Shudder...it will be streaming there next month, for anyone who missed the screenings.

Here are some scattered thoughts:

I would definitely recommend it to horror fans.

Do I think it's the greatest horror movie ever made?

No.

But I think my hype for this was so strong that it was impossible for the movie to live up to it. This movie is a much slower burn than I expected. Given the trailer, I thought this was going to be a white-knuckle thriller, where shit starts happening within the first couple minutes, and doesn't let go until the end. And while there are some intense moments (we'll get to that), it just takes a while to get to them. But the film does fill you with dread from the first few moments...you know something awful is going to happen, but you need to wait an hour until it does.

Basic Premise:

We open with a documentary-style montage telling us about the background of Jack Delroy (played by a fantastic David Dasmalchian), and his rise to fame as a late-night TV host. And then we are told that we are about to see the footage (both in front of and behind the camera) of his final, shocking episode.

I don't think I realized that this was actually going to be a found footage movie. But I really like the way it was used to tell the story. We watch the entire episode and see all the things that happen when the studio cameras are off in real-time, which makes for very effective story telling.

I also didn't realize that this was a low-budget film...not that that's a bad thing...some of the best horror movies were made on shoestring budgets. But because I didn't realize that (again, because the marketing made it look incredible, kudos), there were a couple moments that...surprised me, let's say...tough to go into it without spoiling....Let me put it this way...some of the makeup is fantastic...and some looks like they could have used a liiiitle bit more money. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a ding on the movie...some of the cheaper makeup effects still look good, but there's a part of me that wonders what it would have looked like with a higher budget. But at least they were real practical effects! I'll take a cheaper makeup effect than an overdone CG effect any day of the week. Speaking of CG, there were a couple of moments that used CGI that kind of took me out of the movie...especially given all the other makeup effects...I remember thinking that they could have done that practically.

*and everything else about this movie looks great, I just happened to notice the makeup more last night, I don't know why...but I really liked the overall aesthetic of the movie...they really nailed that late-70's feel*

Now, I know that this is all sounding like a negative review, and I promise it's not! These are just the little things that I noticed during the movie.

One makeup effect I loved?

Lily's makeup during the "contact" scene (the one shown in the trailer so it's not spoilers!). When she looked up at the doctor as the demon, hair covering half her face, I genuinely thought they had switched actors and that she was now being played by a man. The subtle change in eye color, a cheek prosthetic and the actress's wonderful physical acting really had me fooled. It wasn't until her hair was off her face that I realized it was all one person.

And going off of that...the scene where the doctor asks to speak to the demon (again, it's not a spoiler, this was heavily featured in the trailer) is hands-down the best scene in the movie. That was the moment I got tense, with my hands balled into fists. And the scene does something really smart, with the doctor telling the audience to stay quiet...it almost forces us to bottle in our reaction, which only increases our tension and dread.

I would really like to see this one again. I just read the NY Times review (glowing, BTW) that said it may actually be scarier at home than a theater....I mean, it is about a TV show...so to see the "Night Owls" episode on your TV with all the insanity unfolding may make it more terrifying.

All in all, I thought this was a damn good movie. Again, I think my expectations were a bit too high and so it took me a while to adjust and process.

All of the acting was fantastic. I'm so glad that David Dasmalchian is leading a movie...he's such a great actor. I thought the young actress who plays Lily (Ingrid Torelli) did a fantastic job...she made Lily so off-putting and strange, and it was clear that she was struggling with what (or who) ever is inside her.

In the trailer, Kevin Smith was quoted as calling this Rosemary's Baby meets Network...and I half agree with that statement. I'd consider it more Network meets Don't Look Now. You have the examination of the price of fame and the hunger for ratings, while all the while there is this creeping sense of dread and something happening just off camera that leads you to a shocking ending you don't expect. There's also a bit of Scanners thrown in there too (I've seen a lot of people comparing the poster to Scanners)...so if you're squeamish about really over-the-top gore, this is your warning, there are a couple of moments that took me by total surprise.

If I had to give it a letter grade, I'd probably give it an A-. Brought down only because I'm not the biggest fan of over-the-top gore, so that hypnosis scene wasn't too pleasant for me (If you've seen it, you know what I mean) and I wish that they hadn't needed to use CG for a couple effects. But all-in-all, a really solid horror film that I deserves to be seen!

Also, just as the studio logos started, our theater lights just...turned on...fortunately they were off by the time the movie started, but it was a weird little hiccup. I think a staff member was actually in the audience and was able to get it fixed asap.

[mariacallous]

When I was 12, I was hooked on James Bond, both Ian Fleming's elegantly pulpy novels and the cartoonish movies they spawned. One day, my friend's older brother, who went to Harvard, tossed a paperback onto my lap and said, "Here's the real thing, kid."

The book was The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, the 1963 thriller by John le Carre. I opened it expecting a racier version of what I found in 007 — you know, Asian thugs with steel-rimmed bowlers, gorgeous women as sweetly pliable as taffy. What I got was a dankly bitter tale of betrayal ending at the Berlin Wall. I hated it. It was just too sophisticated for the adolescent me.

You see, le Carre wasn't merely a better writer than Fleming, but a reaction against him. Where 007 fought amusingly acronymed groups like SPECTRE, le Carre conjured a Cold War hall of mirrors in which spy craft wasn't about knife fights and hot sex, but about gambits and machinations in which it was hard to tell the good guys from the bad.

His masterpiece was 1974's Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy — not merely the greatest spy novel ever written, but the source of a 1979 BBC adaptation that's the greatest spy show ever made. In anticipation of a new film version that's coming out in a few weeks — the story, you see, is irresistible — the series has just been re-released on DVD, along with its sequel, Smiley's People. Watching again, I found it every bit as gripping as the first three times I watched it.

The great Alec Guinness stars as George Smiley, an honorable spy chief who's been ousted after a shakeup in British intelligence — known as The Circus. But once it becomes clear that there's a mole, or double agent, high up in The Circus, Smiley is brought back to catch him. He does this in the old school, pre-Google way, by sifting through papers and questioning anyone who might be involved, all in a style that's unsettlingly calm.

Bluntness isn't Smiley's thing. He's like the world's greatest poker player, all quiet observation, laconic dialogue and unreadable reactions. As played by Guinness, a master of the ambiguous smile, Smiley exudes a melancholy kindness that may not be kind, and a knowledge of human frailty that's profound — yet not profound enough to keep his own wife from cheating on him.

When le Carre first became famous, he was celebrated for being so realistic. Yet his fictional world is actually every bit as mythological as Fleming's. It's just subtler. In fact, Tinker, Tailor offers the seductive fantasy of entering a secret world, one imagined with alluring richness. We breathe a conspiratorial mental atmosphere in which Every Single Word might be important. And we encounter an oh-so-proper bureaucracy in which the deadliest snakes aren't the Soviets, but the colleagues slithering around your office. Here, even the most devout patriot will be sacrificed by his own side in the great chess game of Cold War politics.

Like millions of others, I can't get enough of this stuff, but for a while it all but vanished. You see, le Carre's brand of espionage tale was rooted in the Cold War, which offered the neatness of two opposed sides facing off. When communism collapsed, so did the contemporary spy novel. The West lacked a clearly defined enemy.

Happily for spy stories, though not for the world, it has one again in radical Islam. And almost predictably, we've begun seeing le Carre-tinged espionage stories �� like Showtime's current series Homeland, in which Claire Danes plays a CIA agent who doesn't quite trust anyone, not even her own bosses, and PBS's Page Eight, starring the wonderful British actor Bill Nighy as a canny old spy who stumbles upon volatile knowledge he'd sooner not know.

I can recommend both. Yet truthfully, neither can rival Tinker, Tailor, an almost perfect fantasy for those of us less thrilled by shootouts or chases on jet-skis than by the exposure of what lies hidden. In fact, what makes le Carre's spy stories so primally gripping is that, at bottom, they're not actually about espionage. They're about secrets and lies and shifting identities — which is to say, they're a metaphor for our own daily lives. Except, of course, that Smiley's story is really, really exciting.

[theharpermovieblog]

#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION

2023

I re-watched Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2008)

Indy 5 is coming and my excitement is incalculable. So let's take a look at the biggest let down of my life, Indy 4.

Indiana Jones has to fight against evil Russians while they hunt for Crystal Skulls that were left here by aliens or whatever the fuck this movie is about. I really can't bring myself to give a shit.

Can a movie be simultaneously lazy and convoluted at the same time? You betcha.

While everyone is certainly here to play, it's still seems that this film is almost immediately off the rails. Perhaps there was just way too much pressure.

The highlights-

1. Care Blanchet is always great and she's a wonderful villain.

2. Steven Spielberg's direction still makes for good pacing and somewhat enjoyable scenes.

3. Harrison Ford is once again playing Indiana Jones and that is always awesome.

Beyond that the plot is very iffy. The idea was that instead of an image to 30's film serials like the previous films, this Indiana Jones would be more like a 1950's sci Fi movie. While I admire the creativity, the story and the characters seem like they are from separate worlds. It's like an Indiana Jones movie from an alternate universe.

The second big problem is that the characters are not fun. While Indy is still Indy and Blanchet is doing a great villain, the rest of the supporting roles are deeply annoying. Ray Winstone's double crossing and triple crossing Mac is pointless to the film. Shia Labeouf as Mutt is the film equivalent of Scrappy Doo without the charm. John Hurt is wasted as a professor character gone mute and dumb and Karen Allen (back as Marion from the original film) seems more like lazy fan service than a good plot point.

I suppose they meant to humanize Indy by giving him a family. What they failed to realize is no one wants to see Indiana Jones the family man, just like they don't want to see James Bond the family man.

I don't care that the movie is full of 2008 CGI or that the hero of the movie escapes a nuclear blast in a lead lined fridge. These aren't great things mind you, but they don't ruin the movie. What ruins the movie is that fans waited this long for a fourth installment and what they got seemed to be a prequel to the adventures of Mutt Williams, complete with a scene where Shia Labeouf swings with CGI monkeys and a messy plot that features aliens.

My only other complaint is that the other Indy films feel like globe trotting adventures. No matter the dated special effects you get a sense of grandeur. This film feels small and rather than going from location to location the feeling is of going from set to set. It suffocates the adventure feeling.

It's not a completely shit movie. It's an ok movie, even if it's just barely ok.

The real problem is how dissapointing it is as part of one of the greatest film franchises of all time and how it does no jusitice to a character that is so beloved.

OH!! And the Crystal skulls are really stupid and fake looking. Boo to that design.

[thetruthlsoutthere]

update post of many

ok so i wanted to tell anyone of my dreams again and from them? whatever real life relevance to me in this life that it may have:

one of the ones worth mentioning was from the night of the day before last to the previous day's morning and here is how it went in the greatest detail I can at the moment:

This one was like I was back in my family home that i have been moved out of, finally, for over a year now since last April 9th of 2022. I don't know what i was wearing but i was moving around my back yard and it looked more woodsy on the sides of the house as well as the end of the backyard where what i have called the 'starter woods' are that lead to the bigger woods. Anyway, a funny part but almost a mix of sad, mysterious, sweet, bittersweet? its like i was singing my own version of Elsa's Let It Go. {i have never watched the movies in most to all of their entirety and i never focus on it BUT i have heard the song. Yet at the same time: i dont actively go and listen to it or even have it recommended to me.

but in my own version, i was singing about calling out to the Doctor and the Master, telling them to come back to/for me. {almost like this implies there was previous history and im here right now for whatever reason? WHICH if its the latter, it makes sense considering previous dreams i have had which im pretty sure i mentioned a long while back involving two seperate incarnations of the Doctor}

while this is happening, i am noticing a mysterious figure covered in black clothing like they were watching and following me but wouldn't let me see who they are. I notice them again when i move to the other side of the woodsy area on the other side of the house but near the back part. Near the back part at the end of the backyard where the woods {s} begin, i see this figure again but this time, the figure is facing me fully. I still couldnt tell who it was because its like they had their face obscured. BUT when around this figure, i got only Master vibes. If one in particular, then the incarnation most comparable to Simm Master on the show. Soon after, i woke up.

______________________________________________________

the next dream is the one that occurred last night to this morning of February 22nd, 2023.

This one had me in different surroundings that i did not recognize. For the majority of the dream, it seemed like there was this danger going on & me and the Doctor were interacting with the people all in here. Letting them know what was going on, and us going about protecting them and getting them out of there. At one point, me and the Doctor exchanged a weapon. Well, it looked like one but i didnt get the sense that was the objects purpose unless it was a sense of defense/protection/last resort. I feel like it resembled a gun but it wasnt shaped like most and it was this clearish silver/grey and other parts were orange.

The incarnation of the Doctor i was with, was one comparable to the 12th Doctor on the show.

This is what i can remember of these dreams. In the second one: after said listed events, i assume naturally that me and the Doctor together in this 'adventure' together, kept the people safe and dealt with the threat. I never saw the threat but the vibe in the dream implied that there was.

[derschwarzeengel]

The Atrox arose from primordial darkness… A soulless creature who defied god and gave itself life. The Atrox.

When Pandora’s box was opened, countless evils and sorrows were released into the world. But the last thing to leave the box was hope, the sole comfort for people during misfortune. Only Selene, the goddess of the moon, saw the creature lurking nearby, sent by the Atrox to devour hope. She took pity on Earth dwellers and gave her Daughters, like guardian angels, to fight the Atrox and perpetuate hope.

The Atrox and its Followers have sworn to destroy the Daughters of the Moon because once the goddesses are gone, the Atrox will succeed.

H I S T O R Y

Daughters of the Moon is a 13-book (with a 4-book spin-off Sons of the Dark) YA urban fantasy series by Lynne Ewing published from 2000 - 2007, taking place from the years 2000 - 2002 in Los Angeles, California, and the surrounding area. It centers around four (later five) teenage girls who discover they are mortal goddesses, Daughters of the Moon, whose destiny is to fight the Atrox and its Followers and act as a force of good.

THE ATROX;

The Atrox is the primal source of evil, so ancient that it tricked Lucifer into his fall. Since creation it has been jealous of the world of light and tried to destroy it. The Atrox is always around, sending shadows to be its eyes. Usually appearing as a dark shadow, it is actually weaker in this form and strongest in human form. It holds court in both Tartarus and the parallel dimension of Nefandus, meeting with members of its Inner Circle in Tartarus.

“The greatest strength of the Atrox is that modern people no longer believe the demonic walks amongst us.” —Maggie Craven, Goddess of the Night, pg. 172 - 173

REGULATORS;

The Regulators are the Atrox’s enforcers, sent out to punish Followers who have betrayed it or broken the rules by falling in love with a Daughter of the Moon. The fiercest class of Regulators are those so committed to the Atrox that their faces and bodies became distorted over time, “as if continual contact with such unthinkable evil made their flesh decay.”

Regulators have an electrical aura, can disguise their appearance so that they appear human (almost perfectly so, with movie-star good looks). Altering their appearance takes great energy, and they are weaker when disguised. Those belonging to the fiercest class have the ability to walk in and manipulate dreams. Once in a person’s dream they can scan that person’s memories, as well as use the dream to enter a person’s conscience and control them.

Although Regulators serve the Atrox and are determined to find the Secret Scroll (a manuscript that holds the key to destroying the Atrox) and destroy it, they are terrified of the Scroll’s curse: Anyone who holds the Scroll that is not the destined heir or Keeper will bring about misery and death.

FOLLOWERS;

The victims of the Atrox, the Followers. The Atrox steals their hope, sucking it from their soul. Then they become predators themselves, stealing hope from others, trying to replenish their own and feel alive again. But their hunger is never satisfied. They become masters of deceit. They look like anyone, but they hate the moon because it is a symbol of Selene and represents goodness. Under a full moon their eyes turn phosphorescent, and even ordinary people can sense their evil.

The Followers also hate timepieces, not digital ones, but watches with hands and, of course, sundials. Anything that reminds them of their eternal bond to evil. It won’t stop them like a crucifix is reported to stop a vampire, but it will cause them to start.

Followers can never harm a person who has done a genuine act of kindness towards them.

The competition among Followers is fierce, with the greatest reward—a place among the Inner Circle—being given to a Follower for the seduction and turning of a Daughter of the Moon or the theft of her powers.

An invitus is a Follower who was crossed over unwillingly and still retains some of their humanity, having a foot in each world.

Prince of Night

This is the highest honor and rank the Atrox can give a Follower, higher even than those of the Inner Circle who wear the Phoenix crest: The Prince of Night is second-in-command to the Atrox and second in line to its throne. Only one Follower has been given this honor: Stanton, leader of the Followers in Hollywood, in November of 2001 after his defeat and imprisonment of the traitor Lambert.

The Inner Circle (the Cincti)

The Inner Circle, known as the Cincti to other Followers, are the most powerful of the Atrox’s Followers. All of them are Immortals, and only a few—the most high-ranking—are allowed to wear the Phoenix crest.

Those members of the Cincti with the Phoenix crest are more enduring than other Immortals, able to live on as a spirit even if their physical body is destroyed.

They meet with the Atrox in Tartarus, but otherwise typically hold court in Nefandus.

Immortals

The Atrox grants its favored Followers who have proven themselves immortality through the frigidus ignis ritual ceremony, with the chosen one called Lecta (female) or Lectus (male) during the ritual. The cold fire burns away the Follower’s mortal life and bestows immortality.

It is an ancient, arcane ritual, and one must be invited into the fire by the Atrox for immortality to be granted. Anyone who enters the fire that is not a chosen one will suffer a painful death—and the flames can burn away the immortality of an already-immortal Follower.

Immortals are also granted the ability to shapechange into shadow and stay that way for days, if necessary. Many have the ability to read minds, control thoughts, steal memories, erase and trap someone in their own memories, and more powerful Followers can pull sensations and feelings from the air.

Initiates

Initiates are kids, mostly teenagers, who have been led to the Atrox by Followers and are waiting to be accepted into its congregation. They are often apprenticed to an older, more experienced Follower to learn how to perfect their evil in hopes of becoming Followers themselves.

NEFANDUS;

The universe is constructed of atoms. Spaces exist between these atoms, and within these spaces are other atoms that create a parallel universe, one existing simultaneously with ours. —Derek, The Lost One, pg. 246 - 247

Nefandus is the parallel dimension where the Atrox resides with most of its Followers, the Inner Circle, and Regulators. Unless guided by a Follower or someone from Nefandus, to outsiders it looks like a vast expanse of nothingness, the air strangely buoyant like water, and they will be trapped there in a dreamlike trance, lured by a false sense of security.

The servi who live in Nefandus are usually teenagers who have either been lured there by a Follower or found their own way into the parallel dimension by accident. A servus is a servant, a slave, to a particular Follower and those who have been servi long enough are granted the ability to shapeshift into shadow and read minds.

[nostalgiaenvy]

How the Grinch Stole My Heart.

The GREATEST Christmas movie of all time is without a doubt Dr Seuss’ “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” featuring Jim Carrey, and it’s not even close. If you disagree that’s fine just know you are wrong.

Every time I put this on I am fully engaged and cannot be taken away from watching. There is never a dull moment as we watch the Grinch battle his demons (accepting love and Christmas) with the help of Cindy Lou Who. 

I can go into how this is a story about the revenge of a social outcast, a kid who was bullied, a town of hypocrites, or a girl who wants everyone to be happy on Christmas. They’re all true. 

I need to find a statistic on how many jokes per minute they packed into this masterpiece of art. Jim Carrey killed this role, and lives in my house rent free all year round with quotable one liners from almost every scene.

“I’m an idiot. You’re an idiot!”

Holiday Who-be What-ee?

That’s not to say the movie isn’t well written other than from a comedic perspective, it’s amazing in every way. Like I said before, at its core this is a revenge story on a kid who was bullied for being different. On top of being funny, it’s sad and dark. Yet it’s also inspiring, optimistic, and heartwarming.

Its credibility is far more than a Christmas comedy.

Another one of its biggest strengths was the decision to use practical effects and make up throughout the movie. “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” was released in 2000, had they used underdeveloped CGI I believe the memory of this movie would have been forgotten. Instead, it’s a timeless feat of art that will not lose its value to awful techniques and technology. 

I think that is why this movie holds up so well among other Christmas movies, it wasn’t trying to be a spectacle. It was just trying to make you laugh.

So many Christmas movies of the early to mid 2000’s have been forgotten because they tried to be something they’re not. Santa is not a superhero and you don’t need CGI fights, music numbers, or fake Christmas spirit littered throughout the movie.

Thank you Mr. Grinch.

I will always watch “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” every Christmas season, I am sure of that. Not only is it my favorite, but it’s both of my brothers favorite too, which only makes it even more special. What is Christmas if not sharing moments with the people you love?

While my family and I wait for next Christmas to obsess over this movie again, we will be dropping quotes throughout the year. 

Now, pucker up and kiss it Whoville!

Thanks for tuning in to Nostalgia Envy’s 12 Day’s of Christmas movies!

Follow our Twitter to stay up to date with the rest of our content.

[apple-pecan]

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba – To the Hashira Training (2024)

this is gonna be the weirdest dumbest review i'll write yet so buckle up. im gonna preface this by saying i know nothing about demon slayer; i only watched this because a friend of mine wanted to watch it in the theaters with me and i thought it could be fun. i HAVE been curious about it though; i dont watch anime much at all anymore but it seems like demon slayer is one of those absolutely huge names in manga and anime right now, sorta like how naruto was in the 2000's and before that, dragon ball in the 80s/90s. one of these friggin films, demon slayer mugen train, became the highest grossing japanese film of all time, the highest grossing R rated animated film of all time (dethroning sausage party lol) AND the highest grossing movie of 2020, and this was all in the midst of fucking COVID. something's gotta be up. this has to be the greatest anime ever conceived then. if it is, i couldn't really tell from this movie.

i know the general gist of the plot from watching the first episode years ago; some kid is going about his merry day when suddenly almost his entire family is slaughtered by a demon, and to make matters worse, the only survivor is his sister, who has now been turned into a demon. and now he goes on a journey of revenge to kill that demon and make his sister into a human again. pretty cool premise, but i never watched more of it until tonight. oops.

according to reviews i dug up on imdb this is basically just a giant filler movie; the first half is the last episode of season 3 and the second half is the first episode of season 4, which hasn't aired on tv yet; this movie is mainly just for hardcore fans to see that episode before anyone else. i have not seen any of this show past the first episode, so the season 3 stuff was new to me, and i actually liked it quite a bit. the action was fun and very beautifully animated and there is a really cool emotional scene that i'm sure would've really struck a nerve with me had i been watching this show from it's inception. apparently none of this is new footage but from a non-fan i had a lot of fun with it.

the problem comes from its second half, which is supposed to be the main draw; besides one action scene (which was also very cool) at the beginning, it's nothing but exposition and really awkward and uncomfortable comic relief. the first half was so serious with it's grizzly and intense action and now we're just doing wacky cartoon faces and doing funny screams a lot. just seems really bizarre; in america the movie was rated R but i couldn't tell if this was supposed to be for children or adults. i mean a couple kids DID walk in the theater with what i assume to be their dad and them, me and my friend were the literal only people in the theater. that doesnt have much to do with the review but i just thought it was funny lol.

im sure the second half would've made more sense if i were to have, you know, watched the entire rest of the anime so far beforehand, but they just kept talking about a training session by these mystical demon slayers or whatever and i was so unengaged i took my phone out in the middle of the theater and started looking at twitter. as a non fan it was boring, but if you're not a fan of this anime, there is literally no reason for you to watch this in the first place. it fails as a traditional movie and is more so to just hype people up for the next season of demon slayer to be released. anyone remember evangelion: death & rebirth? no? okay never mind. if you're a fan of demon slayer, watch it if you're just that impatient for season 4 to air (even though what they show in this movie is pretty much all setup and filler with no actual plot progression), and for anyone else who just wants to watch one of those newfangled anime cartoons in theaters, dont even bother.

5/10

NOTE: blond hair guy has the best voice actor ever. i was watching the english dub and i didnt even know human beings could make those kinds of noises. give him the nobel peace prize or something.

[kammartinez]

At the end of August 2020, Tom Cruise was on a mission to prove it was safe to go back to the movies. Donning a black mask over his nose and mouth, the actor sped off to see Christopher Nolan’s Tenet as it opened in London. Such was the confusion of that summer in the film industry that even as Tenet debuted, Access Hollywood, the entertainment news TV show, pronounced the title of Nolan’s film “ten-AY,” to rhyme with bidet. “Back to the movies,” Cruise said as he entered the theater by himself, very low-key. A hundred and fifty minutes later, exiting up the stairs, he quietly answered “I loved it” to someone in the audience who asked what he thought. A perfectly timed stealth mission: Cruise swooped in and out. Theatrical film exhibition would not die on his watch.

But as watchers of his Mission: Impossible movies know, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Four months later, on the set of Mission: Impossible–Dead Reckoning, Part One, then called simply Mission: Impossible 7, Cruise was caught on tape berating his crew for violating Covid protocols. “We are not shutting this fucking movie down!” he yelled. “If I see you do it again, you’re fucking gone…. No apologies. You can tell it to the people that are losing their fucking homes because our industry is shut down.” The recording was leaked to a British tabloid; quickly social media pointed out that the old Tom Cruise, the one notorious for manic rants during which he did things like mansplain Brooke Shields’s postpartum depression on The Today Show, was back. 

Production on the new Mission: Impossible movie had been halted three times before Cruise’s outburst, while the release of his Top Gun sequel, Top Gun: Maverick, completed in 2019, had been postponed again and again. He was on edge, but as it turned out there was nothing to worry about. In a career that has been defined by the greatest luck and hardest work, these delays worked to his advantage. Finally released last summer, Maverick was an enormous hit. It has made $1.5 billion to date, and is credited—largely credited, as they say—with saving Hollywood from ruin.

Mission: Impossible–Dead Reckoning, Part One, also delayed about two years, came out this summer and nearly performed the same feat as Top Gun: Maverick did. It raked it in at the box office after a full year of non–Tom Cruise movies like The Flash tanked—bad movies that are part of bad cycles that have gotten worse, and which no longer make money. The new M:I movie emerges into what is arguably a more perilous time for Hollywood than the pandemic, with studios threatening to use artificial intelligence to replace writers and actors, whose unions have called strikes. This potential new digital blight is coupled with the cheapness of the studio bosses in the streaming era, who goosed their studios’ stock value during the pandemic and prefer to cut costs rather than share the wealth.   

And yet nobody is going to thank Tom Cruise twice, not this year. As we wait until next summer or later for Part Two of Cruise’s multimillion dollar cliffhanger, production of which has been shut down by the Screen Actors Guild strike, mania for the binary of Greta Gerwig’s Barbie and Nolan’s Oppenheimer has gripped a world suddenly rich with quality non-superhero blockbuster success stories. Add to that the very unexpected smash breakout of another long-delayed movie, the right-wing action thriller Sound of Freedom, and suddenly the movies are back. They are so back it’s almost like they have returned to a time before the superhero apocalypse—that computer-generated miasma instrumental in training AI to take over—ground them into digital dust. In that era, Cruise was the last man standing. Now all of a sudden he is underperforming, despite his movie taking in more than $400 million worldwide so far.

*

Recently I saw the 1980 espionage thriller-comedy Hopscotch, starring Walter Matthau as a CIA agent fired for sticking to his old ways in an increasingly corporatized spy biz. Matthau was sixty when he made it, the same age as Tom Cruise when he was making Dead Reckoning. It goes without saying that these two quintessential American actor/movie stars have little in common. Cruise’s Ethan Hunt is all action, his emotions hidden, his skills surprising, his loyalty to his team and their mission limitless. He is the master of every machine and gadget. We are meant to understand that he can do anything. Matthau, by contrast, chooses to do almost nothing. He shows no loyalty, wears his disgruntlement on his sleeve, and chews scenery. Always old before his time, Matthau lingers in cafés going over notes, scheming to make his bosses look dumb.

Hopscotch includes the things Mission: Impossible movies leave out. We see Matthau haggling over safe house rentals and forged passport prices, buying clothes for his disguises, walking around empty fields as he silently plans. As for gadgets, he uses a paperclip to short out the lights in a police station, the paperclip being the one device Hopscotch shares with Dead Reckoning. There, Hayley Atwell, playing a thief, uses one to free herself from handcuffs, then uses them to attach Cruise to the steering wheel of a Fiat 500, which is trapped in a tunnel where it is of course about to be hit by an oncoming train. 

Cruise at sixty still does his own stunts, which appear more dangerous and extreme with each of these movies, especially since he has teamed with the director-screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie, starting with the fifth in the series, Mission: Impossible—Rogue Nation (2015). Legitimately thrilling, their set pieces are nonstop inventive in the manner of can-you-top-this American know-how, returned to ultra-professional glory from the dirtbag daring of the Jackass movies, their natural competition (rather than The Flash). Matthau at sixty, on the other hand, knew one real test of cinematic greatness was the ability to sit there and do nothing and still hold the screen. We cannot picture Matthau at that age or at any age learning to hold his breath for nine minutes so he could do an underwater stunt in tactical gear holding a flashlight in his mouth.

It is hard to believe that when the first Mission: Impossible movie debuted in 1996, Cruise had already been a movie star for thirteen years. When Brian De Palma’s film version of the TV series came out with Cruise and Jon Voight, the actors from the original 1960s show complained. The movie was nihilistic, there were double agents in it, it wasn’t patriotic. These were strange objections from the stars of a series that featured extrajudicial assassinations, unofficial regime change, and state-sanctioned kidnappings.

In fact, the movie, post–cold war, kept the best parts of the show: the lifelike masks characters use to impersonate each other, allowing actors to play two parts with the same face, and the idea that espionage was a series of short or long cons more like theater acting and stage magic than diplomacy by other means.  

De Palma also linked the franchise to cinema history in a way Cruise and McQuarrie have maintained, bringing the mise-en-scene and the mood all the way back through Hitchcock to German Expressionism via the silent crime and spy movies Fritz Lang made in the 1920s, Dr. Mabuse, the Gambler and Spione. Right away, in the first scene of De Palma’s film, a tense interrogation is deconstructed before our eyes as the walls of the set are moved aside or flattened to reveal an empty warehouse—the soundstage itself—while the actors peel off their faces, revealing nothing beneath them but the faces of other actors.

As in Hopscotch, but not in the TV series, the enemy in the Mission: Impossible movies is within. It is always a competing government spy agency that is stopping Cruise and his team from accomplishing the mission they have chosen to accept. Beneath the deep state is a deeper state still. Fittingly, as on the TV show, the news of these missions comes from a tape recorder that self-destructs, as if Cruise has found a stray Nagra on the set that instead of being used to record dialogue has been rigged to emit some smoke before the editor cuts away from it and the theme music starts to play. That music, by Lalo Schifrin, is the prime intellectual property in this series of films, in itself a reason to keep making them, and in its dot-dash intensity a spur to make them good.

*

Cruise’s employers are always disavowing him in these movies. He returns to work like Charlie Brown coming back to kick the nuclear football while Lucy holds it for him again. Dead Reckoning, despite its setbacks, has the lucky perspicacity to appear to be seeing into the future. The overarching conspiracy here has to do with a killer AI set to take over the world’s entire OS, forever blurring the line between reality and illusion, truth and lie. More than ever, the M:I films are about the nature of the film industry itself, and the way stories are told by actors—actors who seem to act as writers, writing the movie as they go along.

The AI, therefore, can take over spy systems and imitate a familiar voice (Simon Pegg’s), then say into Cruise’s earpiece, “Go left! No, go right! No, go left!” as he chases an assassin, in imitation of the directions in a screenplay or those given by a director on set. Of course the AI paints him into a corner—it exists to ruin his performance. In Dead Reckoning, both Cruise and the entire US surveillance apparatus have to go fully analog to fight their AI enemy, a narrative turn that both reaffirms the movie’s dedication to filming real stunts in front of the camera and presciently combats the studio bosses’ insistence on a new filmmaking world of computer-generated screenplays and performances along with special effects.

One of the most admirable lines in the movie comes after Atwell’s character asks Cruise and his team why they are willing to help her, since they don’t even know her. “What difference does that make?” he asks, a fading echo of Hawksian professionalism and humanism in this globalized landscape, part of this film series’ (and Cruise’s) anti-psychological approach, where backstory always struggles to be buried and forgotten, and usually is. It’s the opposite of the maudlin nonsense about family in the Fast & Furious movies.

It is hard to ignore that Cruise has looked a little tired during the extensive, international press tour for Dead Reckoning. Visibly older than when he went to see Tenet in London three years ago, he nonetheless exudes a kind of perplexed, patient bonhomie as he travels the world to sell his film, his slightly disconnected, mechanized mien and tense bearing now newly patient, an aura that envelops the entire category “movie star.” In cinemas, before the film starts, a very short clip of Cruise and McQuarrie plays in which the star-producer and writer-director thank the audience for seeing their movie in a theater, where they made it to be seen. McQuarrie, gray-haired and gray-bearded, gets to look his age; Cruise is locked in, in more ways than one.

With the temporary shutdown of Dead Reckoning, Part Two, Cruise is once again stuck in the quagmire of twenty-first-century studio filmmaking, where every crisis resolves in stasis. Will there come a time for him when that kind of entropy beats his luck and hard work? So much went wrong in making Part One. When the young British actor Nicholas Hoult, slated to play the film’s principal villain, dropped out, Cruise and McQuarrie or someone got the idea to replace him with the journeyman trouper Esai Morales. What luck that the most calm, cool, and collected character in the movie, and the best-looking and most evil, just happens to be a man for today—a pro-union Puerto Rican TV actor from Brooklyn the exact same age as Cruise. On such accidental genius the Hollywood cinema survives another year.

[kamreadsandrecs]

At the end of August 2020, Tom Cruise was on a mission to prove it was safe to go back to the movies. Donning a black mask over his nose and mouth, the actor sped off to see Christopher Nolan’s Tenet as it opened in London. Such was the confusion of that summer in the film industry that even as Tenet debuted, Access Hollywood, the entertainment news TV show, pronounced the title of Nolan’s film “ten-AY,” to rhyme with bidet. “Back to the movies,” Cruise said as he entered the theater by himself, very low-key. A hundred and fifty minutes later, exiting up the stairs, he quietly answered “I loved it” to someone in the audience who asked what he thought. A perfectly timed stealth mission: Cruise swooped in and out. Theatrical film exhibition would not die on his watch.

But as watchers of his Mission: Impossible movies know, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Four months later, on the set of Mission: Impossible–Dead Reckoning, Part One, then called simply Mission: Impossible 7, Cruise was caught on tape berating his crew for violating Covid protocols. “We are not shutting this fucking movie down!” he yelled. “If I see you do it again, you’re fucking gone…. No apologies. You can tell it to the people that are losing their fucking homes because our industry is shut down.” The recording was leaked to a British tabloid; quickly social media pointed out that the old Tom Cruise, the one notorious for manic rants during which he did things like mansplain Brooke Shields’s postpartum depression on The Today Show, was back. 

Production on the new Mission: Impossible movie had been halted three times before Cruise’s outburst, while the release of his Top Gun sequel, Top Gun: Maverick, completed in 2019, had been postponed again and again. He was on edge, but as it turned out there was nothing to worry about. In a career that has been defined by the greatest luck and hardest work, these delays worked to his advantage. Finally released last summer, Maverick was an enormous hit. It has made $1.5 billion to date, and is credited—largely credited, as they say—with saving Hollywood from ruin.

Mission: Impossible–Dead Reckoning, Part One, also delayed about two years, came out this summer and nearly performed the same feat as Top Gun: Maverick did. It raked it in at the box office after a full year of non–Tom Cruise movies like The Flash tanked—bad movies that are part of bad cycles that have gotten worse, and which no longer make money. The new M:I movie emerges into what is arguably a more perilous time for Hollywood than the pandemic, with studios threatening to use artificial intelligence to replace writers and actors, whose unions have called strikes. This potential new digital blight is coupled with the cheapness of the studio bosses in the streaming era, who goosed their studios’ stock value during the pandemic and prefer to cut costs rather than share the wealth.   

And yet nobody is going to thank Tom Cruise twice, not this year. As we wait until next summer or later for Part Two of Cruise’s multimillion dollar cliffhanger, production of which has been shut down by the Screen Actors Guild strike, mania for the binary of Greta Gerwig’s Barbie and Nolan’s Oppenheimer has gripped a world suddenly rich with quality non-superhero blockbuster success stories. Add to that the very unexpected smash breakout of another long-delayed movie, the right-wing action thriller Sound of Freedom, and suddenly the movies are back. They are so back it’s almost like they have returned to a time before the superhero apocalypse—that computer-generated miasma instrumental in training AI to take over—ground them into digital dust. In that era, Cruise was the last man standing. Now all of a sudden he is underperforming, despite his movie taking in more than $400 million worldwide so far.

*

Recently I saw the 1980 espionage thriller-comedy Hopscotch, starring Walter Matthau as a CIA agent fired for sticking to his old ways in an increasingly corporatized spy biz. Matthau was sixty when he made it, the same age as Tom Cruise when he was making Dead Reckoning. It goes without saying that these two quintessential American actor/movie stars have little in common. Cruise’s Ethan Hunt is all action, his emotions hidden, his skills surprising, his loyalty to his team and their mission limitless. He is the master of every machine and gadget. We are meant to understand that he can do anything. Matthau, by contrast, chooses to do almost nothing. He shows no loyalty, wears his disgruntlement on his sleeve, and chews scenery. Always old before his time, Matthau lingers in cafés going over notes, scheming to make his bosses look dumb.

Hopscotch includes the things Mission: Impossible movies leave out. We see Matthau haggling over safe house rentals and forged passport prices, buying clothes for his disguises, walking around empty fields as he silently plans. As for gadgets, he uses a paperclip to short out the lights in a police station, the paperclip being the one device Hopscotch shares with Dead Reckoning. There, Hayley Atwell, playing a thief, uses one to free herself from handcuffs, then uses them to attach Cruise to the steering wheel of a Fiat 500, which is trapped in a tunnel where it is of course about to be hit by an oncoming train. 

Cruise at sixty still does his own stunts, which appear more dangerous and extreme with each of these movies, especially since he has teamed with the director-screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie, starting with the fifth in the series, Mission: Impossible—Rogue Nation (2015). Legitimately thrilling, their set pieces are nonstop inventive in the manner of can-you-top-this American know-how, returned to ultra-professional glory from the dirtbag daring of the Jackass movies, their natural competition (rather than The Flash). Matthau at sixty, on the other hand, knew one real test of cinematic greatness was the ability to sit there and do nothing and still hold the screen. We cannot picture Matthau at that age or at any age learning to hold his breath for nine minutes so he could do an underwater stunt in tactical gear holding a flashlight in his mouth.

It is hard to believe that when the first Mission: Impossible movie debuted in 1996, Cruise had already been a movie star for thirteen years. When Brian De Palma’s film version of the TV series came out with Cruise and Jon Voight, the actors from the original 1960s show complained. The movie was nihilistic, there were double agents in it, it wasn’t patriotic. These were strange objections from the stars of a series that featured extrajudicial assassinations, unofficial regime change, and state-sanctioned kidnappings.

In fact, the movie, post–cold war, kept the best parts of the show: the lifelike masks characters use to impersonate each other, allowing actors to play two parts with the same face, and the idea that espionage was a series of short or long cons more like theater acting and stage magic than diplomacy by other means.  

De Palma also linked the franchise to cinema history in a way Cruise and McQuarrie have maintained, bringing the mise-en-scene and the mood all the way back through Hitchcock to German Expressionism via the silent crime and spy movies Fritz Lang made in the 1920s, Dr. Mabuse, the Gambler and Spione. Right away, in the first scene of De Palma’s film, a tense interrogation is deconstructed before our eyes as the walls of the set are moved aside or flattened to reveal an empty warehouse—the soundstage itself—while the actors peel off their faces, revealing nothing beneath them but the faces of other actors.

As in Hopscotch, but not in the TV series, the enemy in the Mission: Impossible movies is within. It is always a competing government spy agency that is stopping Cruise and his team from accomplishing the mission they have chosen to accept. Beneath the deep state is a deeper state still. Fittingly, as on the TV show, the news of these missions comes from a tape recorder that self-destructs, as if Cruise has found a stray Nagra on the set that instead of being used to record dialogue has been rigged to emit some smoke before the editor cuts away from it and the theme music starts to play. That music, by Lalo Schifrin, is the prime intellectual property in this series of films, in itself a reason to keep making them, and in its dot-dash intensity a spur to make them good.

*

Cruise’s employers are always disavowing him in these movies. He returns to work like Charlie Brown coming back to kick the nuclear football while Lucy holds it for him again. Dead Reckoning, despite its setbacks, has the lucky perspicacity to appear to be seeing into the future. The overarching conspiracy here has to do with a killer AI set to take over the world’s entire OS, forever blurring the line between reality and illusion, truth and lie. More than ever, the M:I films are about the nature of the film industry itself, and the way stories are told by actors—actors who seem to act as writers, writing the movie as they go along.

The AI, therefore, can take over spy systems and imitate a familiar voice (Simon Pegg’s), then say into Cruise’s earpiece, “Go left! No, go right! No, go left!” as he chases an assassin, in imitation of the directions in a screenplay or those given by a director on set. Of course the AI paints him into a corner—it exists to ruin his performance. In Dead Reckoning, both Cruise and the entire US surveillance apparatus have to go fully analog to fight their AI enemy, a narrative turn that both reaffirms the movie’s dedication to filming real stunts in front of the camera and presciently combats the studio bosses’ insistence on a new filmmaking world of computer-generated screenplays and performances along with special effects.

One of the most admirable lines in the movie comes after Atwell’s character asks Cruise and his team why they are willing to help her, since they don’t even know her. “What difference does that make?” he asks, a fading echo of Hawksian professionalism and humanism in this globalized landscape, part of this film series’ (and Cruise’s) anti-psychological approach, where backstory always struggles to be buried and forgotten, and usually is. It’s the opposite of the maudlin nonsense about family in the Fast & Furious movies.

It is hard to ignore that Cruise has looked a little tired during the extensive, international press tour for Dead Reckoning. Visibly older than when he went to see Tenet in London three years ago, he nonetheless exudes a kind of perplexed, patient bonhomie as he travels the world to sell his film, his slightly disconnected, mechanized mien and tense bearing now newly patient, an aura that envelops the entire category “movie star.” In cinemas, before the film starts, a very short clip of Cruise and McQuarrie plays in which the star-producer and writer-director thank the audience for seeing their movie in a theater, where they made it to be seen. McQuarrie, gray-haired and gray-bearded, gets to look his age; Cruise is locked in, in more ways than one.

With the temporary shutdown of Dead Reckoning, Part Two, Cruise is once again stuck in the quagmire of twenty-first-century studio filmmaking, where every crisis resolves in stasis. Will there come a time for him when that kind of entropy beats his luck and hard work? So much went wrong in making Part One. When the young British actor Nicholas Hoult, slated to play the film’s principal villain, dropped out, Cruise and McQuarrie or someone got the idea to replace him with the journeyman trouper Esai Morales. What luck that the most calm, cool, and collected character in the movie, and the best-looking and most evil, just happens to be a man for today—a pro-union Puerto Rican TV actor from Brooklyn the exact same age as Cruise. On such accidental genius the Hollywood cinema survives another year.