#it’s gross enough that I have to deal w that whenever I like some media that Pedro Pascal or Oscar Issac r in but this is god awful

[residenceevil]

Luis get behind me I’ll protect u from all the white ppl that r gonna be writing smut about you and fetishizing the fact that you’re Hispanic

[escxpiism]

( olivia holt, 23, she/her ) * hey, i’m looking for the office of ALICE ADAMS. they’re the EMPLOYEE who’s known around the office as THE MASK if that helps ? not to be a gossip, but i’ve heard that they’re ADAPTABLE but JADED, is that true ? i also heard that they’re the one who CATFISHED DAVID HASSELHOFF. anyways, here’s the coffee they ordered.

hi y’all !! i’m may ( 21 // est // she/her ) and i am super super pumped to be here !! i’m also very much writing this against my better judgment ya girl’s running on four hours of sleep and has the option to sleep more but......... is not tired ?? so i do apologize if my mind is secretly tired and makes this intro,,,, even worse than it would be fahouedn. on with the show !! anyway anyway!! feel free to like this if u wld like 2 plot and i will hit u up!!

( also, for some vibes if you so choose to read, here’s the link to her playlist ! )

----------------------------------------------------

QUICK FACTS:

full name: alice audrey adams

date of birth: october 26th, 1997

*will not perfectly reflect the zodiac big three below because that’s.... math.

zodiac big three: scorpio sun, virgo moon, taurus rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual

education: ged, bachelor’s degree in film — pratt institute

enneagram: 4w3

mbti: enfp

temperament: sanguine-melancholic

label: the mask

various inspirations: “nutshell” - alice in chains, “santa monica” - everclear, “polly” - nirvana, “jennifer’s body” - hole, “creep” - stone temple pilots, kate wallis ( cruel summer - shhhh ), heather davis ( crazy ex-girlfriend ), satana hellstrom ( marvel comics ), bojack horseman - without the amount of problematic ego ( bojack horseman ), eddie huang ( fresh off the boat ), the great britney spears evolution ( temporarily stopping at circus era )

BACKSTORY:

triggers in order: toxic family dynamic, grooming (nothing super in-depth), kidnapping (? like it was ‘willing’ but no. see next trigger for why), toxic “relationship” (and 11yr age gap w/ a 16y/o we hate it), straight-up captivity, very brief mention of suicide + heroin (very!)

*would like to quickly preface that this isn’t just Dark for the sake of being r/im14andthisisdeep but that’s for a later time **(also! i have markers for where the grooming + Super Dark parts begin and end! -- also, the Super Dark part is all very public knowledge. had articles. media frenzy. first thing that comes up if you google her name) *** also. if u need it then a tl;dr is below this section hfkldsa

alice audrey adams was born to the type of family that names all of their children alliterative names ( however, they sadly didn’t get their own kardashian-style show )... alexis adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... alfie allison adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... born to anna adams and allen adams... we hate it here.

as u can see... all of the kids were basically named after allen... they all had ‘al’ names.... extremely confusing 

plot-twist: THAT’S the darkest part

the adams were very concerned with public image. as a family in the upper echelon, they simply had to be! a narcissist father, a distant mother, put in competition with her siblings — there was no truly healthy dynamic in the household. but they looked good. they went to church every sunday, a ‘wwjd’ sticker on the back of her mother’s car. they did just enough activities and took just enough trips together to get the image across. they threw parties. they attended parties. they were the picture perfect american family — they even had two cats in the yard! life used to be so hard! 

of course, in reality, this all left ms alice quite the lonely gal. but don’t worry! she didn’t turn to hedonism! lord no! instead, she turned to other people. a lot of friendships — couldn’t tell if they were real or #fortheclout — but at a point, did it matter? 

grooming tw: it all came to a screeching halt when she met luke johnson, the son of their neighbors. he came back from california to georgia to visit family, care for his ailing father. oh, he was a good man! sure, he was ‘somewhat’ older than her — 27 when she was 16 — but he was such a good, handsome young man! and they were all still calling him young man, after all. 

alice ‘began’ a torrid affair with luke after about a month into his visit. although she saw no immediate wrong in it, he insisted she keep it a secret ‘for the time being’ — which really just made it all the more exciting! he made all the storm clouds that hovered disappear.

one day, the levee broke for alice (still figuring out what exactly happened because i don’t wanna go too dark since this is already extremely dark, but trust that it had something to do with her parents and was just enough to push her over the edge). convinced luke was the only safe person, she turned to him. knowing their small community would catch on and essentially exile him, he took that opportunity to convince her to go back to santa monica with him where they could ‘start anew’ after his father’s death.

there are a few details i plan on adding regarding like. how legality playing into it. but i may just reserve those for an official bio lhakfsdfj

**BEGINNING OF SUPER DARK** for a while, there was the question of whether they should consider it a kidnapping or not. she went with him willingly, but she was still underage (and… you know, that age difference… the power dynamic... gross y’all). the adams insisted that it was (bc it basically was lbr) — primarily because it would make them look far better — but the community still questioned the logistics and legalities of it all… ugh. did the police really wanna deal with that? ugh. 

in any case, on the other side of us america, autumn was nearing. alice would have the very occasional inquiry over how school would work (very occasional! don’t worry, luke!), over the logistics of her new life… and, after receiving multiple calls from various friends (in addition to her siblings) that sounded genuine, began wondering… if she’d made the right choice. questions about him.

when she began bringing up the idea of going back — at least for the school year!! — he would continuously remind her that she was not old enough to buy herself a plane ticket (and he was not about to do that). she also couldn’t rent a car yet (and he certainly wouldn’t let her take (one of) his car(s)!). but most importantly? he loved her. and she loved him. (what a creep!)

so, for a hot second, it seemed like she was stuck. damn legalities!! damn love!! you know, until she texted her older sister back with all of the problems that only being 16... and “in love”.... caused. her sister offered to fly down, buy her a plane ticket, and fly back with her. 

when luke saw this (with all the unrestricted access to her phone he had so he could block, delete, and manipulate as he pleased), he confronted her. things went awry. she wound up in his budding wine cellar (which he soon emptied, of course… those merlots :( ….). he messaged back and, as her, said it was actually all good!! luke had figured out the logistics and she could call whenever she wanted!!

and those calls became frequent! because she would pick up when luke held it up to her! because she was pretty sure luke would kill her if she didn’t!

she wasn’t sure how long it was until she was officially Found. it took what was ruled a suicide by luke, a shot to the head and heroin in his system, to finally get any authority’s attention. all she knew was that she went to santa monica in mid june and she stopped seeing regular daylight by late july. so some time in august to some time in april… **END OF SUPER DARK + GROOMING**

she was returned to georgia shortly after and everything was different. from herself to her friends. but everything was also the same. from her room to her family. it was all… teasing. she began going to therapy, but she really sucked at it?? so she just let her therapist rely on various articles that covered the event. because it had been a media circus. good enough, amirite?? 

she didn’t have the will or patience to put on that peppy facade she’d had before, but there were still a few things she found a smidge of joy in. music (although her taste had… slightly altered and wow! it’d been almost a year since she’d picked up that bass!), videography… just those small things, you know?? 

for the first half of the ~ 2014 fall semester ~, she attempted actual school. really was not working out. with, for probably the first and only time, her parents’ approval and understanding, she dropped out and studied for a ged -- shorter and self-led -- instead. 

she passed with a pretty decent grade... but it’s been argued that she really shouldn’t have gotten into pratt institute (she was at least realistic and didn’t apply to, like… cornell), but she did. national news helps. 

while in the concrete jungle where dreams are made of, she learned of masters. she submitted an application as a joke — because her grades sucked!!!!! — but guess who got a job?? oh, she could pretend it was because her selected portfolio was actually genuinely good… but, man… we all know…

fun fact: my uncle applied to harvard as a joke. some twenty-five years later, we still haven’t heard back :\

she… continues to suck. like… she kinda wants the place to eventually burn down?? figuratively speaking (or is it…) but ya, for all the monopolizing she has seen turn people Evil?? but the hell can she do about it… just gotta make sure she keeps her in-house videographer job… maybe she can do something about it when she like… is capable. fuaihoelwdjkn

she sees an in-house therapist and i’d say ‘good for her,’ but it was mandated l m a o 

doesn’t talk about herself all that much!! but that might not matter for some people, yk?? ugh journalism <3 

y’all im so bad at ending intros.

TL;DR:

(consult above trigger list): bright kid in a super rich and toxic family because obviously. everything they did was just to look good <3 also they all had ‘a’ names which is the biggest tragedy of all :( ‘fell in love’ when she was 16ys/o with a 27y/o who was visiting to care for his father in his final days. had a torrid affair. creep. creep (luke) basically made her ‘fall in love.’ she thought creep was the only safe person at one point and creep was like ‘wanna go back 2 santa monica w me?’ and she was like ‘yes.’ and everyone was like ‘was this kidnapping... we cant tell....’ then he became even more possessive when she started questioning him and some logistics. when she finally found a way she could go back to georgia for a spell, he was like ‘no u can go in my wine cellar btw i will be taking all of the wine out.’ he kept her there from august to april and... only reason he didnt keep keeping her was bc he was Caught so. back to georgia where the devil went down. everything was Worse. even the things that were the same. but hey, the sob story that landed her in the news plenty of times got her into a college she shouldn’t have gotten into and gave her a leg-up in a joke application for a job at masters (in-house videographer). really bad at doing her work but like... fuck the man i guess?? 

PERSONALITY + HEADCANONS:

has no time for Fake Nice (which, as a born southerner, she’s really good at sniffing out!). has no time for arrogance. kind of makes her at odds with the nyc upper class...

on that note, still got a lil bit of some georgia twang

she lets herself indulge in various vices, but has left a previous hedonist status. weed and alcohol are still pretty common, but everything else is kept at arm’s length.

also, while on that topic, she Does Not drink wine. being trapped in a cellar... kinda makes u averse. like. literally despises it. will go on autopilot and make it KNOWN if offered wine.

also ALSO while on that topic, after looking it up and seeing she fits the new york city requirements, she has a medical marijuana card <3 the one good thing, if u ask her, to come out of therapy/psychiatry <3 will not show it off unless absolutely NECESSARY bc then it gets personal or <3 will lie about why and say it’s like for epilepsy or sumn unless ur rolfe but <3 she has it <3

at odds with herself. enjoys the company of others, definitely has a history of being an extrovert, but has become very selective with the company she keeps. 

VERY private person! has had enough public standing! 

...has occasionally used her story to advance her tho bc it’s her national newsworthy tragic story and she can exploit it if she wants <3

when good charlotte said “i don’t wanna be in love”?? she felt that. her last ‘relationship’ ruined that for her <3 save her <3 

used to be really into pop! bc pop is fun! she loved some britney (i mean... she still does... how can u not!)! but. her taste has changed drastically. rarely listens to pop. has traded britney for like.... hole and the like.

her parents didn’t use this as the basis for her name but,, 2 me,,, she’s named alice for a reason <3 gotta luv alice in chains <3

y’all i found a youtube comment on a video called ‘nirvana - half the man i used to be’ (the song was, in fact, ‘creep’ by stone temple pilots) and it’s <3 her music taste <3 click here for it <3

the above said, dresses like she’s in seattle in the early 90s. 

her rumor is true btw she DID catfish david hasselhoff and she will proudly tell u. it’s her best accomplishment.

completely stopped talking to her parents and got cut-off a while back ago so now she’s livin like the Prols

which is how a rich kid one of my profs once advised referred to his classmates.... hilarity ensues.

the above in mind, her parents say she’s testing the waters as a ‘normal person’ to save face. they can’t have anyone knowing their family isn’t perfect <3

she has a pet turtle whom she named “dr. turtle,” although he’s constantly referred to as “doc” or “the doc.” he has his own youtube channel and tiktok account.

she has a wall full of evidence that courtney love did not kill kurt cobain... it makes sense, believe me.

became a vegetarian...... partially because it was different from her original life and a way to control something, partially because this commercial made her feel SO BAD.

literally her default mode is stoned like... a totally sober alice is rarer than a nessie sighting

when she was 18, before she could ‘hold her liquor’ as well as she can now, she got a lil too drunk and now has a portrait tattoo of courtney love on her forearm. but it was done well at least!!

kind of ironic considering her career, but RARELY posts on any social media site except twitter. after the media circus in 2014 and All Eyes On Her, she’s just..... so tired...... of ppl seeing her face and being like ‘omg ur that wine cellar bitch!’

(drugs tw) has become more and more Addicted to playing around with fate. j chill on a ledge, talkin to some pals, but deciding it’s a good idea to swing her legs on the wrong side of ledge? totally! mixing a lot of alcohol with opioids which she is not accustomed to? DEF!! (end tw)

more to come!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

i have two (2) queued up!! but while we wait for them to post, i’ll just… link them over here: 1, 2

muse u <3 the other half of her subplot from the main <3

her older sister!

her younger sibling!

some of the basics!! you know: close pal, roommate, drug buddies (but she gotta hit them up), fwb, ons, frenemies, enemy

ppl who recognize her from the 2014 luke johnson articles and have either brought it up or,,,,,,, act Awkward™

cld be fun 2 just have like. a jam bud. someone who plays any instrument and they j. jam sometimes.

ppl she sells. some of her medical marijuana to. bc yk what weed may be legal in nyc now but,,,, she’s still found a way to be broke she will accept anything. and also it just became legalized THIS YEAR so!!

i have a budding wc page @ https://escxpiism.tumblr.com/wcs (and when i say budding, i MEAN budding) so feel free 2 check it out!!

more to come!!

[littlebabycrybtch]

bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality. 

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person. 

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !! 

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

[andrcs]

hey  friends  waddup  !  i’m  jen  ,  just  turned  23  (  n  am  already  feelin  it  )  ,  from  the  gmt-2  tmz  ,  n  i  go  by  she/her  pronouns  .  i  had  about  ,  like  ,  half  an  hour  of  sleep  today n  i’m  actually  redoing  this  entire  intro  because  as   i  was  editing  the  finished  version  to  post  it  ,  i  accidentally  deleted  the  whole  thing  n  tumblr  wouldnt  let  me  have  it  back !  it’s  fine  i’m  fine   :-)  anywho  i’m  gonna  let  yall  go  n  learn a  lil  more  about  our  friend  andre !  hopefully  u  like  him  but  if  u  don’t  thats  ok  bc  sometimes i don’t  either !!

𝐈.    𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒  :

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞   :   andre  harris  solomon  .

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞   :   n/a  .

𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲   :   august  fourth  ,  1991  .

𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧   :   leo  .

𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧   :  cco  of  solo  conglomerate  .

𝐈𝐈.   𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃  :

during  the  solomon’s  dynasty  ,   the  family  had  its  fair  share  of  tumbles  and  quite  a  few  scandals  .  great  uncle  abel being  arrested  after  trying  to  steal  half  his  brother’s  fortune  was  one   was  a  big  example .  may  god  bless  the traitous  bastard’s  soul  .  also  cousin  denzel  ,  declaring   in  the  middle  of  thanksgiving  dinner  he  wanted  to  be  a  opera  singer  ,  of  all  fucking  things  ,  and  giving grandpa  harrison  an  almost  stroke  ,  could  be  counted  .  no  matter  what  ,  though  ,  nothing  prepared  the  family  to  watch  the  solomon  fortune’s  heiress  coming  home  on  her  christmas  break  during  her  freshman  year  in  college  with  a  baby  bump  and  no  father  to  claim  the  child  she  carried  . 

in  the  following  years  ,  with  the  slightly  judgemental  help  of  all  of  her  closest  relatives  ,  but  most  of  all  ,  the  never  ending  support  of  her  parents  ,  gaia  solomon  managed  not  only  to  get  her  college  diploma  ,  enter  the  family  business   and  help  solo  grow  into  the  biggest  media  conglomerate  of  the  western  hemisphere  ,  one  that  had  a  solid  hand  over  pretty  much  all  aspects  of  media  and  entertainment  .  chances  are  if  you  wanted  to  publish  or  sign  a  record  label  deal  or  be  on  a  tv  show  ,  sooner  or  later  you  would  encounter  someone  from  solo  .  but   she  had  also  manage  to  raise  with  the  utmost  love  and  care  ,  no  lack  of  sacrifices  ,  and  a  healthy  amount  of  ear-pulling  ,  a  man  she  can’t  help  to  be  most  proud  of  .

andre  solomon  never  knew  who  his  father  was  ,  or  cared  to .  and  as  far  as  his  mother  was  concerned  ,  he  didn’t  have  a  father .  as  a  child  ,  he  never  felt  like  he  was  missing  anything  in  life  ,  there  was  no  angry  void  aching  to  be  filled  ,  no  painful  moments  to  remember  his  childhood  by  .  he  had  been  happy .   no  matter  how  busy  his  mom  was  ,  she  was  always  loving  and  attentive  whenever she  was  around  ,  played  baseball and  football  and  soccer  with  him  whenever  he  asked  her  to  ,  and  grandpa  harrison  was  always  available  if  the  boy  ever  needed  a  guy  figure  in  his  life .  of  course  ,  there  were  some  bumps  and  bruises  along  the  way  ,  and  a  pinky  finger  he  never  fully  got  the  feeling  back  , but  it  was  a  beautiful  ,  fulfilling  childhood  .

as  a  teenager  ,  recently  acquainted  with  a  never  seen  before  freedom  ,  and  just  out  of  puberty  ,  andre  grew  more  acquainted  with  getting  in  trouble  .  thankfully  ,  nothing  like  cousin  gina  , who  had  to  cut  off  a  part  of  her  ear  after  piercing  it  by  herself  with  her  tenth  grade  friends  .  while  rambunctious  and  mischievous  ,  he  was  always  to  smart  to  get  caught  doing  something  that  could  get  him  in  any  kind  of  real  trouble  ,  and  by  then  ,  the  family  knew  that  they  could  trust  andre  to  not  be  too  irresponsible  ,  and  even  if  they  didn’t  ,  at  least  he  had  both  ears  intact  .

 a  full  grown  adult  ,  after  getting  his  marketing  degree in  northwestern  university  ,  andre  followed  his  mother’s  footsteps  and  worked  hard  to  climb  the  organizational   ladder  and  reach  the  cco  position ,  becoming  one  of  his  grandfather’s   valued  advisors  along  the  way  .  these  days  ,  he  works  hard  to  keep  his  image  clean  and  his  professional  life  very  well  separated  from  his  private  one  ,  being  very  succesful  at  it  thus  far  .

𝐈𝐈𝐈.   𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘  :

andre can  definitely  be  considered  a  little bit   too  cocky  in  his  confidence  .  he  knows  his  strengths  and  doesn’t  believe  in  fake  humility  ,  always  eager  to  be  praised  by  whatever  actions  .  also  very  focused  ,  he  feels  as  if  he  knows  exactly  what  he  deserves  in  all  aspects  of  his  life  ,  and  doesn’t  hesitate  to  work  for  it  until  he’s  satisfied .

he  is also  ,  however  ,  a  very  fun  loving  individual  .  andre  believes  in  the  motto  work  hard  ,  play  hard  .  and  you  can  definitely  find  him  going  on  expensive  trips  to  exotic  locations  or   some  rich  person  adventure  more  often  that  he’d  like  to  admit  .  is  constantly  surrounded  by  a-list  celebrities  or  clout  chasers  who  attach  to  him  due  to  his  connections  into  the  industry  .  and  as  being  the   center  of  attention   is  one  of  his  favorite  things  ,  he  absolutely  adores  it  .

very  ,   extremely  sarcastic  and  definitely  not  the  most  outwardly  affectionate  person  ,  it  takes  a  lot  to  get  him  to  soften  up   ,   but  andre’s  also  extremely  loyal  to  those  he  knows  are  his  real  friends ,  and  always  makes  sure  that  they  are  with  him  no  matter  where  he  goes  and  what  he  gets  .

is  known  to  be  quite  the  ladies’  man  ,  and  often  lives  up  to  the  reputation  ,  even  though  he’s  settled  down  quite  happily  a  few  times  during  his  adulthood  .  he’s  not  averse  to  relationships ,  per say  ,  but  also  doesnt  want  to  jump  in  carelessly  ,  specially  when  he’s  not  felling  the  situation  .  is  frequently  engaged  in  some  sort  of  drama  with  the  girls  in  his  life  and  even  though  he  claims  to  dislike  it  ,  he  loves  all the  attention  he  gets  from  them  ( ew , i  hate  him  ,  he’s  gross  )

𝐈𝐕.   𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒  :

childhood  best  friend  /  chicago  native  ( 1 / 2 )  :  people  who’ve  known  him  since  before  he  hit  puberty  and  became  cool  and  who  are  with  him til  this  very  day  .  they  might  not  be  best  friends  for  whatever  reason  but  still  are  closer than  most  friendships  out  there . ( pearl , )

flings /  could  be  past  or  present  :  could  also  range  from  the  silliest  to  the  most  angsty  stuff  ,  andre  definitely  has  the  repertoire  for  it .

ride  or  dies  (  2 / 6  )  :  truly  ride  or  dies  ,  his  closest  group  of  friends  ,  the  ppl  that  are with  him  no  matter where  he  is  and  the only  people  outside  his  family  he’d  do  whatever for  . ( devin , watson )

exes  /  chicago  native  (  2 /  2  )  :  i  have  some  ideas  about  them  but  lets  just  say  one  would  have  ended  in  decently  good terms  and  one  would  not . ( vera , aurora )

friend  with  interests  (  0 / 2  )  : andre  has  a  lot  of  ins  with  the  media  industry  ,  and  this  person  would  definitely  have  an  ulterior  motive  to  hang  around  him  ,  whether  he’s  realised  it  yet  or  no  .

flirtationship   (  1 / 1  )  : first  of  all  i  hate  that  word  my  GOD  but  also  ,  would  be  a  kind  of  thing  where  they’d  both  be  feeling  each  other  but  for  some  reason  things  just  wouldn’t  progress ? ( elissa )

there is a  lot  more  but  i’ve  just  written  this  thing  twice  in  a  row  n  my  brain  is  currently  just  2  neurons  barely  communicating  so  i  should  probably  quit  while  i’m  ahead  ?  but  pls  message  me  bc  if  u  want  to  know  some  more  about  andre  or  come  up w  plots  or  just  talk  about  how  hot mbj  is   n  how  unfair  it  is  that  the rpc  doesnt  gif  him nearly  enough  ?  or  we  could  also  talk  abt  something  i  might  be  delusional  rn  so  i  have  a bunch  of  interesting  topics  ok  bye  thanks  for  sticking  around i  love uuuu

[timeisacephalopod]

Famine

Have some more of that Tony/ Stephen/ Peter YouTube AU for reasons lol.

“Wong is dead to me,” Stephen says and Peter rolls his eyes.

“He can’t be dead to you, we don’t know how to cook and he’s good,” he tells Stephen. “Also dead to you doesn’t mean dead to the rest of us. I still like Wong. Please come back from Nepal,” he says to the camera, almost pleading really.

Tony sighs. “We ran out of food three days ago and I feel like we’re living in a Mad Max dystopia type world where Stephen is Immortan Joe except instead of withholding water from us he tries to feed us his cooking as torture.”

Stephen gives him an offended look but he shouldn’t. Tony has never met a steak he won’t eat, he doesn’t even care if its shitty its good enough for him. Unless Stephen is the one who cooked it, then he’d rather risk chewing on a lion’s ass for sustenance.

“God, it is a dystopia over here. Wong, if you’re watching, please save us from Stephen and his attempts to cook,” Peter says, looking upset.

*

“That’s dumb, we’re not talking about that,” Peter mumbles.

“It was cute,” Tony says.

“No it wasn’t, but your discomfort with the subject is enough for me to remain interested,” Stephen tells him.

Peter gives him a dirty look, “oh fuck off, man. Why are you like this?”

Stephen shrugs delicately, “I’m sure I have no idea what you mean,” he says, nose in the air.

“Do so. But the point here is that you totally called mini Peter your son and that’s adorable,” Tony says.

“When did this even happen?” Stephen asks and honestly only he could live under a rock so much that he missed the entire social media frenzy about it. Buzzfeed wrote like five articles and Tony has to commend the company for managing to squeeze that much content out of a single line Peter said.

Tony looks over to Peter and he rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed but he goes with it. Probably because he’s mostly only fake annoyed. “I was doing an interview and the guy was a dick and he went to say some asshole shit about Peter, of the mini variety, so I uh...” he trails off and Tony rolls his eyes.

Of course he stops there. “So he snapped at the guy and told him not to talk about his son like that,” Tony says. “Which is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen.”

Stephen squints, “why do you like children and parent child bonds so much when you had horrible parents?” he asks. Peter smacks him for being an insensitive prick but Stephen ignores it, giving him a dirty look before turning back to Tony. “I’m just saying, children are messy, vial little beasts who scream and are more trouble than they’re worth. Especially with those insane disease spreading soccer moms who think their two hour YouTube search makes them more of an expert on vaccines than doctors and if you insist on turning your child into a biological weapon of warfare you keep that thing far away from society or vaccinate it,” he says, arms crossed in anger.

They pause for a beat and Tony sighs. “Children are not vial little beasts Stephen, they’re just little people.”

“No, little people have dwarfism. Children are the modern day rats.”

“That’s not fair to the kids Stephen, their parents are the rats, the kids are just the carriers,” Peter says.

Tony squints at him, “that’s the problem you found with that statement?”

Stephen considers him for a moment and sighs. “Fine, children aren’t the worst. That goes to idiot adults with no medical degrees and such a flimsy understanding of science that I’m surprised they aren’t flat earthers too.”

“Oh for gods sake how can anyone in this century be so fucking stupid! We have pictures of the earth from space! What more evidence do you need? And these morons, talking about how you can’t see the curve just looking at the earth- do you know how big this god damn planet is? Of course you can’t see the fucking curve-”

Peter cuts him off before he gets going, which might be for the best. “Yeah, can’t believe I’m saying this but uh. Back to me calling mini Peter my son,” he says somewhat awkwardly. “Before you two go off and bring up science shit only you and three other people know about.”

Tony opens his mouth to dispute that, considers, and then sighs. “Okay yeah, academia is a small world. There are definitely fields of study where its only five people yelling at each other. Anyway, children are not modern day rats that’s dehumanizing, flat earthers need to be shot to also round Mars, and Peter. Explain why you called other Peter your son. Because I’m curious.”

“I’m not,” Stephen says.

“Well no one asked your opinion,” Tony mumbles.

“I’m a third of this show so yes actually, you did. And children are absolutely modern day rats. Except the rats might actually be cleaner. We’ve seen the video of that rat showering and it probably scrubs better than any child washing their hands,” he says, nose wrinkled.

“I can see how much you want to dispute that but Tony you were a kid, I was a kid, Stephen was also a kid but probably a weirdly clean one- we all know how fucking gross we were. I don’t think I washed my hands after going to the bathroom till I was like seventeen,” he says and Stephen wrinkles his nose so hard his entire face wrinkles up as he leans heavily into Tony.

“I lied, its not children spreading disease like vermin, its people like you,” he says.

Peter rolls his eyes, “I obviously figured out washing my hands,” he says. “You’re being dramatic.”

Tony shakes his head, “oh he so isn’t. That’s disgusting, shit fingers.”

Stephen snorts and tries to avoid laughing but mostly fails at it. Peter squints, “dude, if I got actual ass shit on my hands obviously I washed them, I wasn’t out there with skid marks on my palms, Jesus.”

“Okay shit fingers,” Stephen says, causing him and Tony to start laughing.

“You know what, fuck you guys I’m going my son figure after this because he’s better than you two,” Peter mumbles.

“He won’t return your calls once he knows you’re obviously one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Hello, pestilence,” Stephen says.

“Oh give me a break, that’s total bullshit. Okay, you know what,” Peter says after a slight pause. “No, I will be pestilence and Stephen can be war because he can’t ever keep his god damn gate shut and has to start something about anything and he’s damn dramatic out of it too. Only war would consider haunting his roommate out of an apartment instead of moving like a normal person,” he says, nose in the air.

“What’s that make Tony then? Wouldn’t he be war?” Stephen asks and Tony rolls his eyes.

“No dipstick, I’d be death. You know, like the Merchant of Death,” he says, reminding Stephen of his past nickname. Absolutely not a point in his life that he’s proud of.

Stephen frowns. “Who’s famine?”

“Wong, because he left us here with your shit cooking, which you’re clearly using to try and starve us into war,” Peter tells him.

God, Tony didn’t think he’d ever find one person more dramatic than him let alone too. How does Rhodey deal with them all in a room? How does Pepper? “Peter Parker being your son,” Tony reminds them all, wrangling. Damn this is a wayward episode.

Peter sighs, “what? I like him. I don’t see why that needs further explanation.”

“I like Stephen, doesn’t mean I see him as my son,” Tony points out.

“I wouldn’t mind if you were my daddy,” Stephen has the gall to say with a straight face. Tony doesn’t even respond, he picks himself up and leaves the room without a word. “What was that for?” Stephen asks Peter.

“You brought up daddy kink to someone with daddy issues? The hell is wrong with you?” Peter asks.

“And here I thought the two of you wanted father figures,” Stephen says. “I’m also happy to play the role of daddy too,” he adds.

Poor Peter, he makes a gagging noise and flees the scene immediately. Stephen sits perched on the couch looking pleased with himself because he’s a bastard.

*

Tony sits in Peter’s lap with a back scratcher pointed at Stephen to keep him on the other end of the couch where he belongs. “We’ve decided,” Peter says, “that without Wong you’re not worth it. You try and kill us with food, you’re mean, and you brought up daddy kink. Actually, I think we’re just going to replace you with Wong.”

“He’s nice, and he knows how to cook, and he doesn’t bring up daddy kink,” Tony says. “All the things we need out of a person. And he’s funny,” he adds.

Stephen rolls his eyes. “You two are not ditching me for Wong,” he says, rolling his eyes.

Peter and Tony exchange a look. “Actually yeah, we are. We like Wong better.”

“Also, Wong isn’t disgustingly dirty. You think Peter is pestilence with your dirty ass habits? Fat chance,” Tony tells him. God they had no idea how much Wong did for them. The man is a blessing from a god Tony doesn’t even believe in.

“Hey, yeah, side note. When the hell did Wong move in with us?” Peter asks.

“Who cares, we’ve never encountered wet dirty underwear on a pillow until now  so we should just count Wong as a blessing,” Tony says.

“If you’re implying that I wet myself I most certainly did not,” Stephen says, irritated.

“Since you had just showered I assumed that wasn't the case, given that the whole bathroom turns into fucking water world whenever you’re in there. But thanks for that not at all reassuring statement, Stephen.”

“I didn’t know he managed to get water on the ceiling until now. Wong, please come back,” Peter pleads.

*

Gamora frowns, “you just left the guy there?” she asks.

“Look Gamora, he brought up daddy kink. He did this to himself,” Peter points out. “Plus the shoot isn’t that extensive. Couple days, he can suffer for that long.” Shorts aren’t that hard and he’s not even out of the city even if he totally didn't get permission to film in Central Park so he’s going to have to watch for cops and shit. But that seemed like work and its like, a two minute scene. They can do that fast probably. Like, not with lighting but whatever. Rocket can make it work in post.

“Where’s Tony?” she asks, predicting correctly that Tony’s also out of town.

“I think he went to Nepal to go get Wong back.” Peter hopes he succeeds because he is a savior in the dark and they haven’t been giving him enough credit. Or any credit, and that’s terrible. Wong needs to know that fifty percent of their love for Stephen was actually for him.

Gamora rolls her eyes. “I don’t get you three,” she mumbles.