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supertweetycherry · 4 years

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TRAPPED || [Part 1 - The Past]

--Pairings: Jung Hoseok x Reader (You)

--Genre: Mafia au! Childhood Friends au! High school au! — Romance, Angst, Slight Fluff, Friends to Enemies.

--Ratings: Strictly Pg18

--Warnings: Slight Possessiveness, Slight Depression, Lot of Sadness, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Abuse, Mentions of Sexual Harassment and Mentions of School Bullying.

--Summary: Trapping a fish in a hook takes time. You have to wait for hours before the creature takes the bait. But once they are hooked, there is no un-doing it. Isn’t that what happened with you?

--Word Count: 6.2k

Navigations -> Masterlist || MASTERPOST >> Part 1 >> Part 2 >> Part 3

Part 1 - The Past

To catch a fish, the fishermen had to set his trap from the beginning. He had to bait the fish, tempt her to take his sweet offerings and then wait for her to come to him. It’s a long process but he had to be very patient. What happens when that waiting period turns into hours? Will the fish ever take the bait?

For you, it started from the very beginning.

You first met him when you were a toddler. Your mother had placed you into the same sandbox as him. Apparently, you and your family were on a vacation in Jeju Island. Over there, your ever loving mother had found herself an invite to a Mom’s weekly play party. It was held in one of the resorts owned by the island.

Your mother being the party goer herself, instantly accepted the invitation. On that morning, she had woken up early and dressed you up in a pink frock and white sandals before making her way to the resort with you in her arms. Upon reaching there, the women had dropped you off by the play area for kids like you.

At that time, you barely had any sense of direction. Your 15-month-old toddler mind couldn’t filter what’s right and what’s wrong. Not to mention, you had a very strange habit of hugging anything or anyone that comes in your sight. So, when your mother had placed you, next to a crying chubby toddler and a group of giggling female toddlers, you had defied the laws of the society and went after the crying baby.

He had looked so cute to you that day, that you couldn’t help but stare at him for few minutes before making your move. Especially with his little beady eyes and small heart-shaped lips, you had no problem in stretching your arms out and engulfing the little elephant in your supposed hug as a way to sooth his cries. Initially, it didn’t work out but, as you continued to scoot closer to the boy, you had managed to catch his attention.

The little boy had looked at you like you had cooties. But you didn’t care. You just wanted to hug him. Your beaming smile was evident enough that you had no plans of leaving him alone, especially with his eyes puffy and red. You just wanted to shoo away all his worries. And maybe that’s why, you didn’t let go when he tried to shift away from you.

“Geee off... orff!” You remember giggling when he had made those jabs at you to leave him. But being a stubborn baby yourself, you refused to release the little elephant from your grip.

“Huggies.” You whispered the word, burying your head in his chest. It was one of the only few words you knew at that time.

And maybe that’s why, he eventually gave up and let you hug him out.

It was your little stubborn gesture that turned this meeting into a blooming start of your long friendship.

From that day on, as your mother received more and more invitations to ‘Moms Only’ clubs, you kept meeting the boy again and again. And like always, you wouldn’t let him go until he eventually grew fond of you.

“Gu Gu Ga Ga... Yu Yu Ga Ga.” Yeah, that was your toddler language when you couldn’t remember the big words.

Few weeks later, when it was time for your family to return back home in Seoul, you shared a tearful goodbye with the chubby boy. You had grown to care for him. His warming smiles, his shinning eyes, his soft soft skin... you had grown so fond of them.

You still didn’t know his name but, your mother had called him ‘Hopie’ once. Atleast that’s what you thought she said.

“Hopie... cess miss you.” You babbled at him as he hung tightly against your frame. He was a bit reluctant to let you go. After weeks of being together, the boy didn’t want you to be separated from him. Not even for a second.

And so, to calm him down, you had placed a little toddler kiss on his nose before slipping out of his slippery fingers. It was short and cute, but also satisfying.

Time passed, and you missed the toddler dearly. You missed his rare smiles, the occasion shinning glint in his brown beady eyes, and the little touches he made towards you.

And the hugs. Definitely the hugs.

You dearly hoped that you would meet him one day again.

Luckily, that day came when you started your pre-school. You found him in the same way again, sitting to the side and away from everyone else. His features were so recognisable that he stood out from all the normal ones. You had no trouble at all.

That aloof aura was still around him. He was still giving the bad vibes to anyone who came within ten feet of his vicinity. He still looked chubbier than ever, and you had no problem when you jumped at him from behind, latching onto his big back like a monkey.

“Hopie!”

The sound of your loud voice had startled him a bit, and you almost feared that he might drop you. But luckily, he had recognised the familiar vanilla scent wafting off you. And that was enough for the boy to pull you up in his arms and never let you go.

You had been so happy that day, that you ended up ignoring everyone else around you.

You paid attention to no-one except your long lost toddler friend. The two of you seemed so comfortable that most of the time, you were snuggled up against him, just enjoying the warmth from his big arms. Even when the day ended, you hadn’t left your Hopie’s hand. Not even when your father tried to bait you with an ice-cream.

As more days passed, the both of you became closer. You spent most of your time with him, alienating yourself from others just so you could make him feel comfortable. Its not like he hated everyone around him, its just no-one really looked past his chubby body. Every kid in their class would point him out for being ‘fat’ and it enraged you whenever they did.

So, to prevent any fights from happening, you only spent time with your soon-to-be best friend, Hopie.

“It’s Hoseok, Y/n. Not Hopie.” He whined for the tenth time that day as he pronounced his name with correct syllable and right sound.

“Ho-sook.” You tried. But he was nearly 15 months older than you, which means he had more experience. So, when you kept getting his name wrong, he eventually gave up and stayed as ‘Hopie’ for you.

That is until, you guys started your major schooling years and you finally got his name right.

As young teenagers, you both had matured a little. Your friendship has bloomed into an unbreakable bond. Not even the bias views from other kids around your age could deter you anymore.

“Why do you even hangout with him, Y/N? He’s so weird.” One of your elementary school friend mused when she saw you consistently bringing Hoseok into their ‘friends only’ conversations.

You had noticed a strange frown on her face.

“Because he’s my best friend.” You happily replied with a big smile before continuing to put gemstones into the friendship bracelet you had created for Hoseok.

“But I’m your best friend.” The girl had slightly hissed. “He’s just some fat weirdo with no friends.”

Her words had instantly pissed you off. You instantly gave her a heated glare before taking your pencil back from her slimy fingers.

“He’s not a fat weirdo. He’s just a cute chubby boy. And he’s a completely normal guy with a completely normal behaviour.” You retorted before gathering up your supplies. “And FYI, he does have a friend. He has me. I’m his best friend.”

And with that, you stalked off to a another table.

As the elementary schooling passed, you became more and more connected to Hoseok. He became the best friend that you never had. You both equally supported and protected each other.

Even at the high school age, you guys never felt ashamed to be hugging or seeking out each other’s touches.

You still considered him as your little elephant while he still considered you as his spoilt princess.

You both had promised to be with each other forever and to never let go.

He was special to you, because he was a ray of sunshine in your life. He brightened you up like a star.

You had grown so fond of him that when the time came... you fell hard for him.

Few years later, you reached your sophomore year and you had started to develop hard feelings for him. Every touch, every smile, every gesture that he made, became more and more prominent as your feelings heightened.

“What’s this?” You asked, looking up at him in question. He had a gentle smile on his face. His shinning brown eyes were boring into your dark ones as if he was amused.

“It’s for you, princess.”

Your insides quickly warmed up with that little pet name of his. He had started using it just few months ago. It had taken you a moment, but you were able to push down that faint blush that was creeping up on your cheeks. Quickly raising the velvet box to your eye-level, you unwrapped the large ribbon on it and opened the box, to find something you hadn’t expected from him.

“Happy Birthday, Princess.”

You were stunned at the gift. Your mouth hung open as you looked at him and back at the box.

He had given you a pair of simple diamond stud earrings with blue exterior.

And they seemed fucking expensive.

“Do you like them?” He asked with a huge smile on his lips. He had somehow brought his face closer to you.

“I love them.” you whispered, feeling a little dizzy at the stare he was giving you.

“I’m glad you liked it. I had specially ordered them to be custom made for you.” You shyly smiled at him.

Hoseok has always showered you with gifts. Not because he was rich and wealthy, but because he wanted to. Atleast thats what he claimed. You just nodded and believed him every single time, because you knew he would never lie to you.

Usually his gift didn't affected you much, but these days, every one of his presents were becoming more and more important, and meaningful to you.

“May I?” He asked, holding up his fingers for permission.

You nodded and let him fix them in your ears.

“How do I look?”

“You look amazing as always.” This alone made you blush like hell. But you managed to cover it up behind your arm.

The next thing you know, he was hugging you from behind, just sniffing in on your vanilla scent. You let him.

It was a friendly gesture, right?

At the start of your Junior year, Hoseok has changed and morphed into one of the most handsome boys in your school. The sudden body weight drop was so quick that you had failed to recognize him when he came back from his summer holidays that year.

He had to physically twirl you around in his strong arms to make you realize who he was.

Apparently, during that summer, you had stayed behind to work on your extra curriculum activities while your best friend had went out for a family vacation.

It was the only vacation where he didn’t invite you in for. And the only vacation he hadn’t bothered to explain. Whatever happened during that time, it has changed him. His height has increased, his shoulders had broaden, and his features have became more sharp.

There was a new sense of style in him. He seemed more relaxed, lean and on the edge all at the same time. There were also a stack of mini muscles that he has gained. You had felt them when he had hugged you on the day of his return. You also noticed the roughness of his hands and the strong hold he now possessed.

It all seemed so strange to you. But you didn’t question it.

Instead, you used that time to focus on your feelings. They had increased in volume so much that it became hard for you to tune them out. Sooner or later, you came in terms with them. But you refused to say it out loud to anyone. Your rich family of lawyers and policemen didn’t approve of Hoseok anymore. They rejected the boy two years ago when they met his parents. They had labeled him as dangerous and immature, and had concluded that your best friend was unfit to be around you.

He was a bad influence.

And maybe he was. After all, you were ready to defy all your family’s rules for him. Your bond with him was so close that you couldn’t leave him even if you wanted to. You had given him your full trust.

And maybe, that was your first mistake.

That boy didn't deserve your trust. At all.

Things took a turn when the school year started. See, unlike previous years, Hoseok has risen up the social ladder while you had been toppled off due to your intimate friendship with your handsome best friend.

Everyone envied the bond between you two. The girls could not see their chance of grabbing Hoseok slip away to a nerd, while the boys couldn’t wait to bang the said nerd.

It was a sticky situation for you. The teasing in the halls and the leg trips here and there, has increased for you.

You became so depressed and lonely during that time, not even the three chipmunks could cheer your mood up. The three young boys who had been with Hoseok and you since the beginning. Hoseok had introduced them to you when you guys were in the 5th grade. They latched onto you like little kids, begging to have your attention from time to time.

They were babies. And they needed an older female figure in their life. You became that figure.

You loved them like your little brothers.

“Noona, you should confess to hobi hyung soon. He’s going crazy these day.”

You literally chocked on your water as the youngest chipmunk in your vicinity smirked at your reaction. You were wheezing and coughing as you tried to get the water out of your lungs.

“Ya!” You scolded the middle child, hitting him on the back of his head. “Kim Taehyung, you cheesy sneezer! Who filled your head with this nonsense?”

“Oh please, Noona.” The eldest of them scoffed, shoving his mochi hands in your face. “We’re not blind. We can see everything. You and hobi hyung has the hots for each other.”

“Yeah, just go and kiss it out.” Needless to say, you were not surprised when the younger of them also joined in. “You guys act like little toddlers on their first date.”

At those words, your cheeks were instantly dusted with a pink hue. Sighing, you slumped down your shoulders in defeat. These boys were crazy. Nothing get past them so easily.

“Hoseok and I are just best-friends, kookie. Nothing more than that.” You said quietly, hoping that they wouldn’t pry too much on it.

“Keep thinking that and one day you’ll loose him for good.” It was meant to be a joke but it affected you with a sharp stab to your heart.

“Jungkook shut up!” The other two berated the young kid. You just shrugged, refusing to show anything.

“Don’t go on the makane’s words, noona. Just confess to hobi hyung now before things get ugly.”

You didn’t know what they were talking about, but you sure knew that these three had crazy imaginations. So, you shut them up with a little ‘Shut up’ before slumping down next to them in the grass.

If only, you had taken heed to their warning....

“Listen here tramp, let me make this easy and clear for you.” Park Soo-bin, the typical queen bee of your high school has managed to corner you against the ladies toilets, once again. She was one of the most prettiest girls in the school, but she had a personality of a wicked villain. You have tried to avoid her on so many occasions recently, but that girl is so persistent at getting her message across. “Stay the fuck away from my Hobi. He doesn’t need a gold digger like you coming in his way to greatness. He’s part of the popular gang. And popular people don’t hang out with dirty little rags like you. I’m sure you are aware of the hierarchy, right?”

You didn’t reply. Your eyes were already filling up with tears at her blunt statement. The hierarchy difference between you and your best friend was too big. You had always known that.

“Speak when spoken to, nerd!” The girl hissed, taking your hair into her hand and pulling on them. You heard yourself whimpering at the sudden pain, but you hadn’t replied one word to her.

You refused to.

You maybe helpless in your love life, but you were not the one to take an order so easily. Hoseok didn’t raise you like this. All those years, he had told you to stand up against people, even if its him.

Not to mention your family line of protective lawyers and policemen, you were capable enough to handle these girls.

And that’s how you ended up in the principle’s office with your hair pulled into a mess, various scratch marks covering your arms, a busted lip and bleeding knuckles. The two other girls who joined in the fight were in a similar state while the main one, the typical bitch of this school, was crying over a broken nail and a red cheek.

If you were being honest, it was the two younger girls that were behind most of your injuries, while the queen bee had watched from the sidelines until you had managed to land a hit on her. Needless to say, you felt so satisfied when your palm had come in contact with her smooth, powdery cheek.

“She needs to be expelled! She doesn’t deserve to be here!”

“Look at my child. That girl has no manners.”

“My poor Soo-bin.”

The accusations went flying past your head like baseball. You rolled your eyes and stood leaning against the wall, glaring at the main bitch of the room. She was mouthing the words of your demise, by sliding her thumb across her neck, to show how much trouble you were in. But you didn’t care. You just raised an eye-brow at her attitude.

Maybe, listening to all the words she was saying, you could maybe smack her again, right in front of the principle and her parents. But because of your parent’s disapproval looks, you stepped back.

When all the shouting was over, you had slipped away with a small warning. All thanks to your uncle, who had used his law to corner the parents into an agreement. But even then, your own parents were not happy with you.

You had clearly seen the disappointment flashing in their eyes. It hurted you a bit, but you managed to survive it. You were more worried about Hoseok who still hasn’t returned from his week long vacation to an unknown place that only him and his family knew about.

You were a little dejected by his so called ‘special family plans’, but you had figured, it was some sort of family thing that the Jungs have. Unlike your own parents, Hoseok’s family had no problem with accepting you in the family as one of their own daughters. You were close to them from the beginning, especially to Hoseok’s older sister, Jung Ji-Wo.

“Stay away from him, Y/n. This is my last warning to you.” Those have been your father’s orders when he discovered the reason behind the whole fiasco with the school’s queen bee. As usual, he had grown angry at the revelation and had warned you before walking off.

You just shrugged at his words in return. You can never stay away from Hoseok, whether he likes it or not.

As more days passed with no news from your best friend and Park Soo-bin growing impatient with your aloof behaviour towards her, the eldest chipmunk’s warning started to ring in your head. It was clear that during those two weeks of separation from your best friend, has seemed to alert the whole school of your isolation period and they all ended up using this to their advantages.

Main one being Park Soo-bin—the ultimate dare devil in your high school life.

You wished dearly that Hoseok would come back from his vacation quickly before things gets out of hand. Even though you had successfully handled the three girls that day, fighting off the entire school’s population would definitely be almost next to impossible for you.

Especially when your three helpful chipmunks were also MIA.

It happed just a day before his return. He had finally contacted you from his secret getaway and apologised for his silence. You forgave him the moment he had called you and just relished in hearing his voice again after such a long time, is when it happened.

The fateful incident.

Some students said you slipped off by accident. Others said you had staged the whole thing. And the more older, responsible ones claimed that you were jerking off someone.

But you knew the truth.

You had been cornered and harassed by the popular gang. The males did all the unthinkable things with you while the females watched you squirm, shout and beg for them let you go. You had remembered screaming, kicking, biting—basically doing anything to avoid being touched and tainted by their grubby hands. When you had finally managed to get away from them with parts of your clothes ripped and skin filled with bruises and marks, Park Soo-bin had smirked in your face before completing the deed with a slight push.

“Bye Bye Y/N.” Those were the last words you heard before you were pushed off the edge of the stairs. You had clambered down the long staircase like a rag doll, your screams muffled by the air being knocked out of you and your limbs flying around as they hit each and every pointy edge of the concrete and steel railings they came in contact with.

You didn’t know what happened next, but you remember waking up in a hospital bed, next to your crying best friend who had his face stuffed in the palm of your right hand, producing loud aching sobs as he kissed and stained your skin with his hot tears.

The sight was only there for few seconds before your eyes fluttered shut once again due to the meds being pumped in your veins.

The next time you woke up was to see your family entering your hospital room. Judging by their depressed and downcast expressions, you had already concluded that you were in a pretty bad shape.

There was no denying in that. Even the doctors had concluded you as a lost case when you hadn’t woken up for two weeks straight.

But somehow, you have survived. And thats what mattered.

One by one, they visited you at random times of the day. First came your mother who had littered your face with sweet kisses and promises to cook all your favourite food when you return home. Next, was your father. He had cried and apologised for not taking strict actions towards the first assault that happened to you in the school. You had just waved his apology away and smiled.

Few days later, it was your older brother, Taemin, who had visited you. He was the only brother you cared about, because the rest of your cousin brothers were A-grade assholes. Taemin had taken special leave from his special op training so he could be next to you. He had serenaded you to sleep and promised to make everything better.

The next time you woke up, you found your best friend sleeping on the small couch in front of your bed. He looked disheveled from every angle. His hair were untidy, he had dark bags under his swollen eyes, his skin was pale from the lack of sunlight and he had a slumped, sad posture to his lean body.

The boy truly looked like he had been wrecked over by a bus.

You also noticed six other guys in the room, three of them being your naughty chipmunks and the other three were strangers.

“How are you feeling?” One of them asked with an angelic smile on his face. He was one of the taller ones and one of the strangers in the room. He was dressed casually, but with the way he was hovering over you, checking your vitals and readings, he seemed to know what he was doing.

“Peachy.” You answered, voice cracking at the end. He seemed to be smiling at you before going over to your best friend to wake him up. “No, don’t.” You had barely stopped the boy. He looked at you with puzzled expressions.

“Let him sleep, please. He looks like he needs it.”

He seemed surprised by your caring nature and blinked a large smile at your face.

“I’m glad to see you care about him the way he does for you.” The words were genuine. “You know, he’s been visiting you everyday. But I guess, you were sleeping most of the time.”

“I know.” You replied, looking at Hoseok with affection reflecting in your eyes. “He cares too much for me.”

“I’m glad you think the same way as us. I’m Seokjin by the way, but you can call me ‘Jinnie Oppa’.”

That might have been the mood breaker in the room because you instantly threw him a huge grin. He was sweet and charming.

“I already have an Oppa. And he’s the best one I have.” You retorted playfully, thinking of your older brother, Taemin.

“I make a very good Oppa too, sweetheart.” He winked at you with a pout.

You had giggled and thought the man was charismatic too.

If only you knew that you were talking to a killer...

“Hoseok, I’m fine.” You assured the boy as he snuggled his crying face into your bandaged arms, producing loud sobs for the other boys to hear.

As soon as he saw you awake, your best friend broke down into literal tears, crying his eyes out as he dipped low, head buried into your arms. His sudden weight on your arms increased your pain but you didn’t let it show one bit.

He was hurt and scared at your battered figure. The least you could do was let him cry. And so, you let him as he quickly changed spots and moved onto your stomach, making your skin vibrate.

“Hosoek...” You cooed the boy, running your hand through his chest-nut hair and caressing his wet face. “Please don’t cry. Look, I’m fine.”

He looked at you with a helpless look before diving against your stomach again.

“I-I thought I l-lost you.” He said through his sobs.

You just smiled and kissed the boy’s head in affection.

“I could never leave you, Hoseok. Didn’t I promise you that?”

It took some time but you were able to calm the boy down. With the help of the others in the room, all of you managed to turn Hoseok’s loud sobs into small hiccups.

“Please, just please, don’t ever leave me, Y/N.” He said quietly, still tucking onto your hand like his life is depended on it. “I need you. I-I cant l-live without y-you.”

Something warm erupted in your chest. But you didn’t let it get to you. What if he means this in a best friend way?

“I won’t ever leave you, hoseok. Your whiny ass wouldn’t survive a day without me.” You joked.

It didn’t work.

“I’m serious, Y/N.” He gave you a look you couldn’t decipher. It made you flush.

“Sorry... I-I just meant—never-mind. Just don’t worry please. I won’t leave you.”

He didn’t look satisfied for some reason but none the less, he still nodded. You were about to question him, but the strangers in the room decided to throw a pizza party. A party where you didn't even get a single slice of pizza since you were on the hospital diet.

“Lucky bastards.”

“How long has it been?” You asked Hoseok one day. You were still in the hospital but a bit better than before. Hoseok was peeling off some apples for you.

“Nearly a month.” He said, digging the knife into an apple. You could see how clean and fast he was with a knife. The apple was cut into thin slices within a matter of seconds.

“How’s school going? You’re still attending your classes, right?” You didn’t want to touch the topic, but you didn’t want him to sacrifice his studies for you. He’s been spending too much time here during the day and you were simply worried. “Hoseok?”

He hadn’t replied you yet. Instead, a slice of the apple was shoved in your mouth before your best friend smiled at you.

“Don’t worry about anything, Princess. My studies are going fine. Infact—” This is where he pulled out some books from his bag. “—I brought these for you. I hope you are stable enough to go through them with me.”

Your face instantly brightened at the sight of your books.

“Yes, ofcourse I am!”

You were truly a nerd. That’s never gonna change.

“Yay.” You squealed slightly when he dropped one book into your lap. Your good arm was already onto it, feeling the hard, shiny cover before opening the book to see what you have missed.

Hoseok grinned at your enthusiasm.

“Nerd.” He teased.

“Elephant.” You retorted back, but it wasn’t that strong, because in the next second he bursted out into a fit of loud laughter, making you scowl. “It’s not funny!”

He still didn’t listen. So, with a slight irritated huff, you smacked his shoulder. He retaliated by pinning your limbs down and hovering over you.

You were surprised at how easily he kneeled over you, careful not to hurt you but also smart enough to completely pin you to the hospital bed.

“Don’t be a naughty girl, Y/N.” He teased with a slight smirk. “You don’t want to be punished by me, do you?”

Damn, his voice was seductive to you. He had never behaved this way before.

“As if!” You dryly mocked with a laugh before trying to push him off you. But he didn’t listen. Instead, he dipped lower and engulfed you into a tight hug while he laid over you.

“I’m serious.”

You scowled at him. Great, he going to be plastered to you for the whole night. God forbid, if you can survive his lean muscular body resting on top of you.

You were always a sucker for his touches.

Few days later, things became normal for you. With right medication and right therapy, you were able to walk again. It boosted up your healing process and in no time you were ready to face the hard part of this whole ordeal.

Your culprits.

When you saw them standing in court with tears streaming down their eyes, you felt satisfied. You were in the same place as them when they had touched you in every open spot on your skin. The four young boys who had dared to molest you were jailed the same day. Their actions recorded in a school’s hidden camera in the corridor.

The six girls involved were put to heavy charges, involving; community service, a criminal record for harassing, bullying and attempt to rape, expulsion from the school and for some, being abandoned from their family lines.

Out of all this, the only person you cared about was Park Soo-bin. For some reason, the girl got away with everything. She wasn’t even mentioned as her friends took the blame. And you felt more angry than annoyed.

But that anger turned into shock when you saw the news next day.

“—we’re bringing you live from the Han River. A body has been discovered during the early hours of this morning. It belonged to a school girl, named Park Soo-bin, who had been missing for the past few days from her home and was now recently discovered floating in the river. The body seemed to be tortured, sliced open in many places and its limbs broken in—”

You hadn’t listened to the whole thing. The graphic visual displayed on your TV was enough to hurl your insides in the nearest toilet. Your best friend stood over you, holding back your hair as he patted your back in assurance.

He didn’t seem fazed by the news at all.

“Don’t worry, princess. Everything will be alright now.”

If you were just a little conscious enough to focus on his words, then maybe, you might have noticed the hidden glee lacing his voice...

Life turned back to normal soon enough. You had started school again and this time no-one bothered you anymore. Not even the left over popular girls who would used to do anything to tease you. But this time, they didn’t do anything besides glaring. And when your three chipmunks came in to cheer you up, their glares had turned into fear.

As more days passed, you started to ponder on your classmates strange behaviors. They seemed almost scared of you. You had expected them to be angry and furious with you, but they weren’t. It made you question few aspects of your life, but those though were quickly driven out of your mind when your best friend decided to give you a more interesting topic to think about.

His growing closeness with you.

He seemed more touchy than ever these days, always looking out for you and glaring at any boy who walked passed. At first, you were confused, but as you observed him more, you started to notice the difference. He was growing protective of you. There was a untold affection in his eyes that you always hoped to see in him. It warmed your heart and made you happy.

Was he finally feeling something towards you?

“I’m telling you, noona. Hyung is going to propose to you soon.” The youngest chipmunk said one day, taking your sushi out of your hands. “After all, he can’t let the fish get away.”

“Fish?” You questioned but then shook your head at his stupid comparisons. “Just keep eating you dumb bunny.” You shut him up by thrusting another sushi in his mouth.

It wasn’t long before Jungkook’s words started to come true. Just few weeks after, Hoseok plucked up his courage and proposed to you... with a small condition.

“Do you love me, Y/N?” He asked, holding out a rose to you. Literally everyone in the corridor stared at you both. Hoseok’s eyes were shinning as he brought you slightly closer to him. “I have seen you the way you look at me. It’s the same way I look at you. If you say yes, then remember, there is no going back. You will have to accept me in every shape and size I am. Even if you start to hate me, I will never let you go.”

The words had shocked you. His confession was so sudden that it rendered you a bit stunned. But that didn’t stop you from answering him. You’ve always waited for this moment. You can’t let it get away now.

“Hoseok, why would I ever hate you? I have always loved you.” You said to him, cupping his glowing cheeks. You were so happy in love that you couldn’t see the dark intent in his eyes. “I love your lips, I love your eyes, I love your nose, I love your cheeks, I love everything about you. I have always loved you. You are still my little elephant. And you are still my ray of hope.”

As if the words that triggered something in him, he jerked you closer and met your lips with his, sealing the deal. You could hear cheering in the background, probably from the three annoying chipmunks.

“You are mine now, Y/N. Remember that. You belong to me. No matter what happens next, you cannot escape me.”

And like a foolish girl, you had nodded along to his conditions.

After all, he was your sunshine and you trusted him.

But you had forgotten one thing. He was not normal like other people. He may be your ray of hope but he was also a force to be reckon with. He may have pledge you to do his sweet biddings and trapped you in his love, but he has also permanently chained you to him.

Which is why you found yourself in this situation, over and over.

Tag List: @breadcaaat

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mxenigmatic · 3 years

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2020’s Self Care Books for Trying Times

With Covid-19 a global pandemic that is still lingering in the air, and keeping our connections at a social distance, added how here at NYPL our librarians miss the frequent interactions with our patrons, I was contemplating on ways to keep our reading connected, our souls warm, and our health having its self care. Before google, I’d rely on the plethora of information our branches hold on any challenge in life I’d be facing. Now with a myriad of problems we can tackle, and resources we can all use to improve our lives, I wanted to tackle grounding and elevating ourselves to cope with our surroundings, than advice I can provide on financial, relationship, life goals, etc.

In this blog “2020’s Self Care Books 4 Trying Times” I’ve comprised my 20 favorite titles for the year 2020 on wellness, people’s journeys, and how health experts can help guide us to a calm and vibrant place for our wellbeing. From parenting tips, to self acceptance, coping with a mental health disorder, or even self care rituals, the need for healthy habits is a topic we all can relate and rely on to keep us striving through this winter, and being united through our current unstable climate. We should never be ashamed of our experiences, asking for help, and addressing challenges in our lives to be at peace with our pasts, content with our present, and hopeful about our futures.

What is Self-care, according to very well mind, describes a conscious act one takes in order to promote their own physical, mental, and emotional health. There are many forms self-care may take. It could be ensuring you get enough sleep every night or stepping outside for a few minutes for some fresh air.

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness refers to being in the moment. This means feeling what our bodies feel, letting ourselves think without judging our thoughts, and being aware of our environment. It is about paying attention on purpose to both what is happening inside and outside of you.

ADULT

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey

Topics: Professional Development, Success, Psych Evaluation

One of the most inspiring and impactful books ever written, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has captivated readers for nearly three decades. It has transformed the lives of presidents and CEOs, educators and parents—millions of people of all ages and occupations. Now, this 30th anniversary edition of the timeless classic commemorates the wisdom of the 7 habits with modern additions from Sean Covey. The 7 habits have become famous and are integrated into everyday thinking by millions and millions of people. Why? Because they work!With Sean Covey's added takeaways on how the habits can be used in our modern age, the wisdom of the 7 habits will be refreshed for a new generation of leaders.

Stay Positive: Encouraging Quotes and Messages to Fuel Your Life With Positive Energy by Jon Gordon

Topics: Self Help, Affirmations, Optimism

Stay Positive is more than a phrase. It's an approach to life that says when you get knocked down, you'll get back up and find a way forward one faithful step and optimistic day at a time. Start your day with a message from the book, or pick it up anytime you need a mental boost. You can start from the beginning, or open the book to any page and find a message that speaks to you. The book is a go-to resource for anyone wanting to inject a healthy dose of positivity into their life

$9 Therapy: Semi-Capitalist Solutions to Your Emotional Problems by Megan Reid and Nick Greene

Topics: Life Skills/Hacks, Self Care Rituals, Budgeting

A collection of the authors' favorite life hacks and mini-upgrades, such as craft cocktails on the cheap or tips for a perfectly planned staycation. Sometimes it takes as little as nine dollars to turn your life around. How to find simple pleasures in a pricey, wellness-obsessed world.

You Were Born For This: Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance by Chani Nicholas

Topics: Astrology, Self Acceptance

A revolutionary empowerment book that uses astrology as a tool for self-discovery, success, and self-care from the beloved astrologer Chani Nicholas, a media darling with a loyal following of one million monthly readers.

TEEN

Teaching Mindfulness to Empower Adolescents by Matthew Brensilver

Topics: Mindfulness, Educational Guides, Learning Disabilities, Reflections

Effectively sharing mindfulness with teenagers depends on distinct skill sets . . . done well, it is incredibly joyous." Matthew Brensilver, JoAnna Hardy and Oren Jay Sofer provide a powerful guide to help teachers master the essential competencies needed to successfully share mindfulness practices with teens and adolescents. Incorporating anecdotes from actual teaching, they blend the latest scientific research with innovative, original techniques for making the practices accessible and interesting to this age group. This text is an indispensable handbook for mindfulness instruction in its own right, and a robust companion volume for teachers using The Mindful Schools Curriculum for Adolescents

The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color by Virgie Tovar

Topics: Self Esteem, Plus Size Positivity, Hygiene

Every day we see body ideals depicted in movies, magazines, and social media. And, all too often, these outdated standards make us feel like we need to change how we look and who we are. The truth is that many teens feel self-conscious about their bodies and being a teen girl of color is hard in unique ways. So, how can you start feeling good about yourself when you're surrounded by these unrealistic, and problematic images of what bodies are "supposed" to look like? This book is an unapologetic guide to help you embrace radical body positivity. You'll identify and challenge mainstream beliefs about beauty and bodies; celebrate what makes you unique and powerful; and build real, lasting body empowerment. You'll also learn how to spot diet culture and smash your noisy inner critic so you can start loving your body. It's time to create your own definition of beautiful and recognize that your body is amazing. It's time for a self-love revolution!

Out!: How To Be Your Authentic Self by Miles McKenna

Topics: Coming Out, Self Acceptance, Family Dynamics

Activist Miles McKenna came out on his YouTube channel in 2017, documenting his transition to help other teens navigate their identities and take charge of their own coming out stories. From that wisdom comes Out!, the ultimate YA guide to the queer lifestyle. Find validation, inspiration, and support for your questions big and small--whether you're exploring your identity or seeking to understand the experience of an awesome queer person in your life."

Dancing at the Pity Party: A Dead Mom Graphic Memoir by Tyler Feder

Topics: Grief Counseling, Coping with terminal illness, Bereavement. Family Estrangement

Tyler Feder shares her story of her mother's first oncology appointment to facing reality as a motherless daughter in this frank and refreshingly funny graphic memoir.

Superpowered: Transform Anxiety Into Courage, Confidence, and Resilience by Renee Jain and Dr. Shefali Tsabary

Topics: Health, Fitness, Selt Esteem.

The perfect tool for children facing new social and emotional challenges in an increasingly disconnected world! This how-to book from two psychology experts—packed with fun graphics and quizzes—will help kids transform stress, worry, and anxiety

Teen Guide to Mental Health by Don Nardo

Topics: Teens, Mental Health, Body Image, Puberty

Todays teens face and are expected to deal with a wide array of personal, social, and other issues involving home-life, school, dating, body image, sexual orientation, major life transitions, and in some cases physical and mental problems, including eating disorders and depression. This volume examines how many teens have learned to cope with and survive these often stressful trials and tribulations of modern youth.

KIDS

Turtle Boy by Evan Wolkenstein

Topics: Social Life, Friends, Relationships, School Stress

Seventh grade is not going well for Will Levine. Kids at school bully him because of his funny-looking chin. His science teacher finds out about the turtles he spent his summer collecting from the marsh behind school an orders him to release them back into the wild. And for his Bar Mitzvah community service project, he has to go to the hospital to visit RJ, an older boy struggling with an incurable disease. Unfortunately, Will hates hospitals. At first, the boys don't get along, but then RJ shares his bucket list with Will. Among the things he wants to do: ride a roller coaster, go to a concert and a school dance, swim in the ocean. To Will, happiness is hanging out in his room, alone, preferably with his turtles. But as RJ's disease worsens, Will realizes he needs to tackle the bucket list on his new friend's behalf before it's too late. It seems like an impossible mission, way outside Will's comfort zone. But as he completes each task with RJ's guidance, Will learns that life is too short to live in a shell.

How To Make A Better World: For Every Kid Who Wants To Make A Difference by Keilly Swift

Topics: Activism, Human Rights, Organizing

If you are a kid with big dreams and a passion for what is right, you're a world-changer in the making. There's a lot that can be changed by just one person, if you know what to do. Start by making yourself into the awesome person you want to be by learning all about self-care and kindness. Using those skills, work your way up to creating activist campaigns to tackle climate change or social injustice. This fun and inspiring guide to making the world a better place and becoming a good citizen is packed with ideas and tips for kids who want to know how to make a difference. From ideas as small as creating a neighborhood lending library to important ideas such as public speaking and how to talk about politics, How to Make a Better World is a practical guide to activism for awesome kids.

All About Anxiety by Carrie Lewis

Anxiety. It's an emotion that rears its head almost every day, from the normal worries and concerns that most of us experience, to outright fear when something scary happens, to the anxiety disorders, that many kids live with daily. But what causes anxiety? And what can we do about it? All About Anxiety tackles these questions from every possible angle. Readers will learn what's going on in their brain and central nervous system when they feel anxious. They'll learn about the evolutionary reasons for fear and anxiety and that anxiety isn't always a bad thing--except for when it is! Most importantly, kids will discover new strategies to manage their anxiety so they can live and thrive with anxiety

Dictionary for a better world: poems, quotes, and anecdotes from A to Z by Irene Latham

Topics: Inspiration, Self Help, Advice

Organized as a dictionary, entries in this book for middle-grade readers present words related to creating a better, more inclusive world. Each word is explored via a poem, a quote from an inspiring person, and a short personal anecdote from one of the co-authors, a prompt for how to translate the word into action, and an illustration".

I feel... meh by DJ Corchin

(E-book)Topics: Health, Fitness, Management

This series helps kids recognize, express, and deal with the roller coaster of emotions they feel every day. It has been celebrated by therapists, psychologists, teachers, and parents as wonderful tools to help children develop self-awareness for their feelings and those of their friends. Sometimes I feel meh and I don't want to play. I don't want to read and I have nothing to say. Sometimes you just feel...meh. You don't really feel like doing anything or talking to anyone. You're not even sure how you're feeling inside. Is that bad? With fun, witty illustrations and simple, straightforward text, I Feel...Meh tackles apathy—recognizing it as a valid emotion, while also offering practical steps to get you out of your emotional slump. It's the perfect way for kids—and adults—who are feeling gray to find some joy again!

Violet Shrink by Christine Baldacchino

Topics: Phobias, Relationships, Social Skills

Violet Shrink doesn't like parties. Or bashes, or gatherings. Lots of people and lots of noise make Violet's tummy ache and her hands sweat. She would much rather spend time on her own, watching the birds in her backyard, reading comics, or listening to music through her purple headphones. The problem is that the whole Shrink family loves parties with loud music and games and dancing. At cousin Char's birthday party, Violet hides under a table and imagines she is a shark gliding effortlessly through the water, looking for food. And at Auntie Marlene and Uncle Leli's anniversary bash, Violet sits alone at the top of the stairs, imagining she is a slithering snake way up in the branches. When Violet learns that the Shrink family reunion is fast approaching, she musters up the courage to have a talk with her dad. In this thoughtful story about understanding and acceptance, Violet's natural introversion and feelings of social anxiety are normalized when she and her father reach a solution together. Christine Baldacchino's warm text demonstrates the role imagination often plays for children dealing with anxiety, and the power of a child expressing their feelings to a parent who is there to listen. Carmen Mok's charming illustrations perfectly capture Violet's emotions and the vibrancy of her imagination. A valuable contribution to books addressing mental health."-- Provided by publisher.

Check out this link to a presentation by NYPL’s Children’s Librarians, Sarah West and Justine Toussaint on Mindfulness/Social-Emotional Self-Esteem Picture Book Spotlight. Featuring popular book titles in our database of the past few years promoting kids well beings!

Pre-2020 Books

Aphorism by Franz Kafka

Topics: Life Quotes, Recovery, Future Planning

For the first time, a single volume that collects all of the aphorisms penned by this universally acclaimed twentieth-century literary figure. Kafka twice wrote aphorisms in his lifetime. The first effort was a series of 109, known as the Zurau Aphorisms, which were written between September 1917 and April 1918, and originally published posthumously by his friend, Max Brod, in 1931. These aphorisms reflect on metaphysical and theological issues--as well as the occasional dog. The second sequence of aphorisms, numbering 41, appears in Kafka's 1920 diary dating from January 6 to February 29. It is in these aphorisms, whose subject is "He," where Kafka distills the unexpected nature of experience as one shaped by exigency and possibility."

This Book Loves You by PewDiePie

Topics: Life Skills, Inspiration, Food 4 Thought

A popular blogger shares humorous pieces of advice and positivity, including "Never forget you are beautiful compared to a fish" and "Every day is a new fresh start to stay in bed."

The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach To Living A Good Life by Mark Manson

Topic: Self Help, Happiness, Motivation

In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger shows us that the key to being happier is to stop trying to be 'positive' all the time and instead become better at handling adversity. For decades we've been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. But those days are over. 'Fuck positivity, ' Mark Manson says. 'Let's be honest; sometimes things are fucked up and we have to live with it.' For the past few years, Manson--via his wildly popular blog--has been working on correcting our delusional expectations for ourselves and for the world. He now brings his hard-fought wisdom to this groundbreaking book. Manson makes the argument--backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes--that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to better stomach lemons. Human beings are flawed and limited--as he writes, 'Not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault.' Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. This, he says, is the real source of empowerment. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties--once we stop running from and avoiding, and start confronting painful truths--we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek. 'In life, we have a limited amount of fucks to give. So you must choose your fucks wisely.' Manson brings a much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor. This manifesto is a refreshing slap in the face for all of us so we can start to lead more contented, grounded lives."

Zen Pencils: Cartoon Quotes From Inspirational Folks by Gavin Aung Than

Topics: Writing Development, Expression, Quotes

Gavin Aung Than, an Australian graphic designer turned cartoonist, started the weekly Zen Pencils blog in February 2012. He describes his motivation for launching Zen Pencils: I was working in the boring corporate graphic design industry for eight years before finally quitting at the end of 2011 to pursue my passion for illustration and cartooning. At my old job, when my boss wasn't looking, I would waste time reading Wikipedia pages, main biographies about people whose lives were a lot more interesting than mine. Their stories and quotes eventually inspired me to leave my job to focus on what I really wanted to do. The idea of taking these inspiring quotes, combining them with my love of drawing, and sharing them with others led to the creation of Zen Pencils.

By: @Mx.Enigma

She/They/Queen

#new blog #booksarelife #self care #library #nyc #nonbinary #nypl #life hacks

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dvp95 · 5 years

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can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 12

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, deeper than anticipated but still not that deep y'all this is primarily silly, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,311 for this chapter (53,098 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

The last time that Dan was alone with his mum for longer than a few minutes at a time over Christmas, their conversation had felt awkward and stilted. All of the things they had to say to each other lingered right below the surface, sharpening the edges of the conversation in a way neither of them knew how to acknowledge.

That's what Dan expects this lunch to be like. He thinks he's prepared for every option of what his mum might say to him, carefully building up the familiar walls in case he needs them, but.

She arrives late with apologies on her lips and Colin in her arms, frazzled as always, and it's almost comforting to Dan that she hasn't gotten any more punctual since he moved out. That's something they share that used to drive his dad up the wall. Maybe it still does. Dan wouldn't know. The only reason he's on time is that he came straight from work to nab a table at the dog-friendly brunch place that Yelp insists is good, and he's been happily dog-watching since he sat down.

"Sorry, sorry, hi," his mum is saying, dropping Colin on Dan's lap without warning. "Traffic was a bloody mess."

"That's alright," Dan says, but the words are coming out on autopilot. He scratches Colin's fuzzy head and blinks back the wetness that threatens to well up behind his eyes.

It's been a good few months since he'd last seen Colin, and he's as cute as ever. Dan can bet that the collar is brand new, though - the vertical stripes on it are narrow and the hues are garish, but there's no doubt about what it is.

"It's nice, yeah?" his mum asks as she sits across from them, clearly noticing Dan's preoccupation. "I hope I grabbed the right one."

Dan swallows around the growing lump in his throat and lets his fingers brush over the bright rainbow around Colin's neck, making sure it's there and real. It's a gesture that he didn't expect, and one he has no idea how to deal with. He keeps petting Colin absently and meets his mum's eyes.

"It's perfect," he tells her. "Suits him."

"Suits you," she counters lightly. She gives him a soft, sad sort of smile. "Caught you on the telly yesterday. I haven't seen you look this happy in a long time, bear."

Oh, fuck. Dan is not going to cry, not surrounded by dogs and strangers in this weirdly bougie restaurant in Chelsea. He wipes hurriedly at his eyes and feels a rush of gratitude when his mum pretends she hasn't seen, looks down at the menu.

He hadn't expected this. He doesn't know why, since he'd thought about a million and one ways that this lunch could be awkward or painful, but he somehow never thought she'd be so... supportive.

And maybe that's not fair of him. His mum had supported him when he'd dropped out of school, when he'd bought a one-way ticket with his shitty Asda paychecks, when he came home from drinking in the park at three in the morning with a split lip. She hasn't been perfect by any means, and because of that Dan has always assumed that her support was conditional even if her love was not.

Vividly, he remembers the way she'd cheer on the sidelines of any game he or Adrian played - although Adrian had wanted to play, the absolute freak - and how embarrassed he'd felt at the time, hot under the collar from the attention.

"I am happy," Dan tells her. They are both looking at their menus now, one of his hands shaking on Colin's back. "I'm - it feels good to be honest with myself and with you guys."

"With yourself?" his mum asks, her voice softer than he's heard it since he was a child. "Oh, Daniel. You didn't know?"

That's not something he really wants to get into with her, but Dan understands why she's asking. He's almost thirty years old. She'd probably just thought he was keeping it from her, not smothering his own wants for fifteen years. "No, like. I knew. But I didn't want to know. It's not like it's been fucking easy, has it? So I just. Pretended it wasn't there as best as I could, and. I've been pretending for a really long time, mum."

There's more to it, but she doesn't need to know any of that. Dan doesn't want to sit there and tell his mother how much he'd hated himself, how unsafe he'd felt at school and home and out with his 'friends', how there had been a point where he didn't want to live at all if he had to be gay.

Dan had definitely come a long way in the decade or so since then, but he'd done that by keeping a box of feelings locked up tight and ignoring the voice in his head that reminded him how much he wanted men.

Now, he feels... okay. He's going to be okay.

His mum's hand covers his on the table, the size difference between them almost comical.

"I love you," she says. "Blimey, I can't even imagine. I'm so glad you told me, Daniel. I feel like... like we don't really know each other that well."

Maybe a week ago, that might have gotten Dan's back up against the wall. And whose fault is that? he thinks but doesn't sneer, because his mum had put a rainbow collar on Colin and keeps saying she loves him. He can fight past the automatic defensiveness.

Dan runs a hand over Colin to calm himself back down, smiling when Colin licks his hand. Eventually, he feels like he can respond to her without snapping something he'd regret later. "That's true."

Luckily, their waiter stops by their table with three waters - two in glasses, one in a bowl - and effectively startles Dan and his mum out of the very serious conversation they'd decided to have in a public place. The conversation moves on to their jobs, Adrian's various adventures, and how good of a boy Colin is. Dan remembers to ask after his grandparents and his mum snorts into her vegan pancakes at one of his jokes, so. It's all going suspiciously well.

They even have the waiter take a photo of the three of them, which is surreal to Dan. He's not used to this, to wanting to have a physical reminder of any time he's spent with his family, but they're having such a nice start to the afternoon.

There are moments where Dan can feel the gap more deeply, though. Stories that carefully don't include his father. Questions she asks that he doesn't know the answer to.

It gets to a point, boiling up inside of Dan, that he has to ask before he explodes.

"Mum," he says, quiet. They're nearly done eating, which means that if this goes badly Dan can easily hug his mum goodbye and go take comfort in Phil's lap. "Did you... did you tell Dad about my text?"

He's nervous to look at her when he asks, but he's glad that he didn't try to hide. The anger that flashes across her face for a split second is so vindicating that Dan can't even imagine how differently he'd feel about his mother if he'd never seen that.

"I did," she says shortly.

There's a beat. "I suppose you're going to tell me that he'll come around and he loves me?"

"I'm not going to tell you anything of the sort," his mum says. Dan is desperate to look away now, doesn't like seeing that disapproving twist of her mouth even if it isn't directed at him. "You're both grown men and can make your own decisions. I made mine, that's all I can do."

Dan swallows hard and gives Colin a nibble on his bacon so he has an excuse to break eye contact with her. "Adrian's fine with it."

"Well, of course he is. And of course I am too, Daniel, because even if I had some issue with gay people - which I don't," she stresses the words like she's trying to convince Dan, "one of my best friends is a lesbian, she's a lovely woman - I would still prioritize my son who I love over any of that prejudicial nonsense. It takes a very special kind of person to think that anything about their child is worth not speaking to them."

Ten, fifteen years ago, Dan had been convinced that everyone in his life would hate him for this part of him that he kept under wraps. He hated himself, why would other people be any different?

And maybe that could have been the case back then, before society started to get its shit together a little bit and 'gay' stopped being synonymous with 'bad'. There's no way to know for sure, and he supposes it doesn't really matter. That's not the timeline he lives in.

Dan chances a glance at his mum, who is idly folding her napkin into various floppy origami shapes like she needs to be doing something with her hands.

The question sticks in his throat, but Dan forces it out anyway. His mum has said a lot of nice things that he's going to cry about when he's alone, but he needs to know how far that extends.

"And... am I still invited to Christmas?"

His mum blinks up at him, looking a bit startled. "Of course you're still coming to Christmas. My home is your home and always will be, don't be stupid. If your father wants to put his own selfish arse over his sons, then he can be the one to fuck off. We don't need him to have a good holiday."

Dan buries his face in Colin's fur and squeezes his eyes shut for just a moment, letting the gratitude and grief wash over him.

Out of every scenario he'd pictured, Dan never even thought to hope for this kind of unconditional acceptance. He knows that they still have a long way to go, that he and his mum will always have things they can't say to each other and that Adrian will never be his best friend, but. They're trying. All three of them are trying to navigate this so that they can be a bit closer, know each other better, and that's a start.

The park isn't far, but Dan's mum insists on driving so she doesn't have to walk back and get her car later. Dan hates how much he relates to that.

An old CD blares over the car's shitty speakers, knocking Dan back into childhood the way few things can. Some indie punk bullshit from the 90s that he still somehow knows all the words to. They both sing along to it and his mum scream-laughs when Colin barks, coincidentally in rhythm with the drums.

Dan is having fun with his mum, a concept that is so foreign to him he's half convinced it's a sleep-deprived hallucination, and he almost forgets to text Phil that they're on their way.

Ok! We're already here, Thor insisted lmao, Phil sends back immediately, and Dan feels a little bad that he hasn't been keeping Phil updated all morning. Still, he supposes, he was working and then dealing with family bullshit, so he supposes that Phil will understand.

They park a little ways down the road and Dan feels odd in the sudden quiet of the car. The things they don't talk about seem to fill the space between them, creeping in as the nostalgia fades.

"Mum," he says, and she pauses in the midst of opening her door. "I... thank you, for this. It means a lot to me that you came today."

"Of course," his mum says like it really is that obvious.

"You might see more of me soon, if you'd like to," Dan tells her, putting Colin on his lead so he doesn't have to make eye contact. "I'm thinking about moving to London."

"Oh, Daniel, that's wonderful," she says, warm, and Dan's heart hurts so fucking much. Their relationship has always been a bit complicated, strained, but he's willing to make an effort if she is.

He gives her a small smile and gets out of the car with Colin, the sincerity in her voice suddenly too much to handle in such a small space. While they walk, he chats to Colin about how nice the park is and how there are a lot of new friends for him to play with. He likes to think that Colin's tail wags faster at the information.

The sound of the gate opening makes a bunch of dogs look over, the way it always does, and Thor starts bounding toward Dan as fast as his stubby legs can carry him.

"Thor, you can't just - oh, Dan!"

Phil stops chasing after Thor and just approaches them at a regular pace, grinning.

"Don't worry, he's not making an escape," Dan laughs, crouching down to greet Thor and holding tight to Colin's lead just in case.

Thor licks at Dan's free hand and then sniffs at Colin, who seems chill with it. He's such a calm dog, Dan loves him so much. Dan is so busy overseeing this introduction that he nearly misses the humans above him introducing themselves to each other.

"Hi, I'm Phil, and this is Thor! You must be Mrs. Howell."

Dan's mum pulls a face, and for a terrifying second Dan thinks she was all talk after all, that she really does care now that she's faced with a man, but she just says, "Not hardly. Call me Karen or call me nothing."

The problem, of course, is that Phil is predictable. Dan knows the joke is coming a split second before he brightly says, "Nice to meet you, Nothing."

Thankfully, his mum laughs.

"Cheeky. This young man here is Colin."

Phil crouches down too, his eyes meeting Dan's for a brief, nervous moment before he's holding out his hand for Colin to shake. Colin, the very good boy he is, sits down and shakes paw.

"And very nice to meet you," Phil says solemnly. Dan had no idea his heart could fit any more of Phil in it, but it swells three sizes like the fucking Grinch. Dan's sure it's written all over his face, but he doesn't need to hide that from anyone here. He's allowed to be obviously smitten over his boyfriend. "I've heard so much about you."

It's all far too genuine for Dan, suddenly, this whole thing, so he snorts and unhooks Colin from the lead.

"You're such a dork," he tells Phil as they both stand, the dogs chasing each other around now that they've both been released. Phil just shrugs and grins, hands in his pockets.

He looks nice in his buttoned shirt, short sleeves showing off his arms and a headache-inducing print enough to make Dan ridiculously fond, but he also looks a bit anxious. Dan knows the feeling.

"Wanna sit?" he asks his mum, gesturing to a picnic table. She rolls her eyes.

"I've been sitting all morning, Daniel," she says lightly. "I think I can handle craning my neck to look at you lot."

Quick getaway, Dan's depression gremlin shouts. She doesn't want to be here, she's just acting nice because she's afraid you're on a ledge, just like Adrian was, none of them actually accept you or want you to be around...

It always gets harder to shut up the less he's slept, so Dan has to ride the wave of self-hatred until Phil smiles down at his mum and starts making easy conversation.

Phil is so good at this part. He's not relaxed, Dan can tell by the set of his shoulders and the awkward way his hands are sticking out of his jean pockets, but some combination of radio training and natural charm make him seem like nothing is more thrilling than hearing about Dan's mum's drive to the city.

Dan isn't good at this part. He tunes out a bit and starts taking photos and videos of the dogs whenever they come close enough. They're fast friends, and Dan likes the idea of orchestrating puppy playdates when he lives here.

He zones back in when he hears his name, blinking over at them like he's fallen asleep standing up.

"What?" he bleats.

"We weren't talking to you," Phil informs him, his lips twitching.

"You're talking about me, then?"

They exchange an amused, exasperated sort of look. Dan suddenly isn't very sure at all that this was a good idea. Of course Dan's mum likes Phil, it's impossible not to like Phil. Now they're just going to gang up on him all the bloody time.

Even in Dan's own mind he can't pretend like that's a bad thing.

"I was just saying," Dan's mum says, "that I wanted to thank Phil for bringing you back to England. I know you've been talking about doing it for years, kid, but you do tend to put things off."

"Like I said, Karen," Phil says with a level of familiarity that Dan isn't sure how to feel about. It's just the way the Lesters act, but it isn't the way the Howells are. It's strange to watch his mum try and keep up with the vibe of a man who's talking like he's known her his whole life. "It's really nothing to do with me."

"Oh, bollocks," his mum says. Dan laughs.

There's still so much he and his mum don't know about each other, things they need to reconnect on, but that doesn't mean it isn't obvious to anyone with eyes that Dan's plan is only changing right now because of Phil coming into his life.

"Well, can you blame me?" he jokes, some of the knot in his chest easing. She really doesn't mind, does she? Not the way he thought she would.

"Not at all," she says, and Phil ducks his head with a stupidly shy sort of smile. Dan wants to kiss it off his face.

Colin trudges up to them then, panting and whining a bit, and they all coo nonsense at him. He's always so lazy and chilled out over Christmas, Dan bets he doesn't do the zoomies with super excitable dogs very often.

"Seems like Colin's done for the day," says Dan. He leashes Colin and hands the lead to his mum. "It was really nice to see you both. Like, really. I had fun."

"No need to sound so surprised about it," his mum says dryly. They aren't huggers, really, not unless some traumatic shit is going down, so it doesn't surprise Dan when she just blows him a kiss goodbye. "Hopefully I'll see you both soon, yeah? Don't be strangers."

"Wouldn't dream of it," says Phil. He shifts closer to Dan, their shoulders knocking lightly together.

"Love you, mum," Dan says, because he feels like he has to after everything, and because it's the truth. She smiles up at him, so warm that something in Dan settles into place.

"Love you too, honey. It was really nice to meet you, Phil."

"Likewise," says Phil. He bumps into Dan again as they watch her and Colin walk away, the solidity of his shoulder keeping Dan grounded. Dan has had a very long, very emotionally taxing day, and that small bit of contact makes the stress of it all seep out of him at once. "You okay, Dan?"

The sleepless night is catching up with Dan, now that the anxiety is dissipating, and all he wants to do is melt into Phil's chest and take a long nap.

"I'm very okay," he says, surprised by how much he means it. "Let's go home, yeah?"

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #dnp fic #can't breathe when you touch my sleeve #words words words

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byjayr-blog · 5 years

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Divine Femininity, Power of Her Aura - Ella.

I’ve been in the arts and music industry for about 4 years or so now, and inevitably saw how the rise of women in the creative industry hasn’t been getting as much attention, so I’ve decided to start a series based on women all around the world who are in the creative industry. I ask them to share their story with me (and you :) ) as to how they got to where they are today. The series will introduce a new divine woman once a month, as my first post to this series I’d like to introduce July’s divine woman my friend Ella.

Ella is a Fashion Model currently based in Montreal, I’ve asked her to share her story with me, enjoy.

byjayr - Walk me through your story, and can you recount any specific pivotal moments (as much description as you can remember on where you were and how you were feeling)?

Ella - My story is a long one. I guess it’s not just one story at all, there’s a lot of events and challenges that have led me to where I am today. For this interview I’m going to specifically talk about the part of my story that concerns the journey I’ve been on regarding my physical appearance & health.

I’m not really sure how to start this, so I guess I’ll start at the baseline. I was a happy person. Grew up without financial burdens in a suburban white family. I kept honours in all of my classes at school, loved theatre, had very high muscle strength for my size from ballet & gymnastics, was super fit and healthy, conventionally attractive person. Everything changed in November of 2011 when I had to become a tough bag of knuckle and grit, being flown by air ambulance to Halifax for an extremely rare auto-immune disease (Rapidly Progressive Glomerulonephritis) that had given me stage 5 (end stage) kidney failure. I was a young body filled with dreams but my body disagreed with me. You lose a lot of trust in yourself when your own body turns on you.

For the first three months or so of my sickness I was undergoing chemotherapy as a method of trying to suppress and reboot my immune system in order to get my kidneys to work again. During this time, I had huge diet restrictions (basically all I could eat was white bread, gummy bears and water) and became extremely malnourished. On top of that, I was on high dose steroids with horrible side effects, making me extremely weak. All I know is that I spent the last hours of 2011 sitting on the floor, staring at my legs, being astonished by skinny they were. I was strangely proud of how undernourished and skeletal they were, I had always wished I had the will power to intentionally be that skinny- but that’s another story. Both physically and mentally my functions were imbecilic. That night I blacked out and received the a blood transfusion that saved my life, but gave me a rash from hell. Physically, you honestly couldn’t recognize me.

The transfusion helped me in gaining my strength back from the months of crawling on the ground like a helpless baby. Despite my new found dividend of health, everything I was going through at this point made me ugly. Chemotherapy had taken away my thick, luscious locks of strawberry blonde, it took away all of my fingernails and toenails. The rash that covered me head to toe was gruesome. My entire body kept shedding it’s skin like a snake, leaving behind fragile pink tender skin that wasn’t even ready to be exposed to air. I felt like an unflattering cardboard cutout of an ugly caricature of myself.

I stopped leaving the house for a solid chunk of my precious time. Alone and sad, waiting for the day I could finally close my eyes for the last time. I don’t think I saw anyone but my family and my friend Mia for at least three months. No photos exist of this time. Evidently this made it hard for me to keep up with my then “boyfriend”. In fact, I remember him asking if I’d take him back when I recovered, but all I said was “I’m not getting better”, and proceeded to ignore him. I couldn’t accept that he had the nerve to still adore me, I was so painstakingly un-sexual. How dare he want to kiss me. I knew I was no longer the girl who was all the perfect fashion, and eventually I really started to mourn for myself. I would never be glamorous, I thought, but at this point I desperately sought being able to be something completely ordinary and unremarkable. Staring at my familiar, tragic limbs- I believed my cold pink hands would never again feel pretty.

One very vivid memory I always think about is when I left to go to the mall for the first time since being sick. I slathered on a coat of the makeup watching actual centimetre parcels of skin peel like a million meaty sunburns that oozed out makeup. I started peeling and picking off the scabs but the more I peeled the more I bled. I came to the conclusion that I would have to peel off my entire face if I wanted to even out the texture of it, so I gave up. I slathered it in vaseline to glue the drooping flakes back onto my face in attempts to mimmic a smoothness and then used half the bottle of foundation to even out the colour. I gazed at my reflection in the mirror for what felt like hours. My face was the texture of a golfball; but more uneven and porous. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t even close to me. Even my eyes had grown so passive, my lids that were once a flirting device batted still- but with their sparsely fallen out lashes they were so dim, so dead.

By late February of 2012, they realized my kidneys just weren’t going to start working from the chemotherapy. They stopped the chemo and I was put on peritoneal dialysis. In a nut shell, that means they put a tube in my belly, the tube connected to a machine every night at home and ran for 8-12 hours, depending on what the circumstances were. Essentially, dialysis does the work for your kidneys, but its more of a temporary thing, and as I found out the hard way, it has lots of complications. Years went by and I had plenty of brushes with death. Plenty more stories to be told about that. But this story is about the growing pains of my confidence & beauty, not my psychical pain.

It’s 2019 and it’s been five and a half years since I received my life saving kidney transplant. My mind has a weird complex built up around how I see myself in the mirror. I often find myself comparing myself to who I was before I ever got sick. I have this way of idealizing who I was before the sickness came, and I’m always seeing the world through rose coloured lenses when I think about my childhood. Sometimes I take a look at myself in the mirror and it’s really hard. I’m so quick to notice how frayed I am at the edges like I’m some kind of hand-me-down lace. Sometimes I just feel like all of my bones are too old for me, that they creak like a dusty house full of empty photo albums because I lost so much opportunity to fill them up with all the teenage memories I had to miss out on. People tell my all of these experiences make me strong but for the most part I just find myself thinking they make me heavy. I had to grow up too fast and it hurts. It hurts but it’s going to be okay. The ocean is fucking heavy, mountains are fucking heavy, but they’re so perfect and beautiful and that’s all I should be seeing about myself too.

Today I feel secure, complex, and empowered. Maybe I won’t tomorrow, but taking things day by day is the best way I’ve learned to navigate through this world. There will always be people who take me for face value & my looks alone. It takes serious courage to love yourself in a world, in an infrastructure strategically set up to make people who have suffered trauma feel isolated, unworthy, and heavy. The caliber of experience I have endured has done nothing but expand my emotional intelligence, even if it isolates me. Our dominant culture is filled with violent myths. Break them.

J - What inspired you to do what you love?

E - The internet, contemporary situations, and people I surround myself with can be a source of inspiration/influence, but they can also be a huge form of intimidation/comparison. I used to try so hard to impress people but ultimately it just created huge insecurity blocks. Seeing other people competing for acceptance is toxic. I think it’s important to keep some things to yourself. Deconstruct the social construct of what “talent” is. You don’t have to cater to other people. The world doesn’t have to be this finite, limited space you think it is. Don’t let people devalue your creative ability and worth just because they don’t understand it. It’s their loss. My mom is the biggest loner I know and she inspires me every day. I think I work best alone and I get that from her. Maybe this sounds selfish to you but I think that more than anything, I inspire myself. My life has been one dark struggle after another and somehow I crawl my way out of it every time. I’m strong enough now to realize that being alone isn’t a bad thing at all. Isolation breeds individuality. Once I realized that, the world became a safer place for me.

J - What do you find yourself daydreaming about, and can you recount a specific daydream you’ve been having lately?

E - I want to be somewhere new. I’m so tired of Montreal. I dream of being somewhere where absolutely nobody knows my name or where I’m from or how I got there. I don’t want to talk about myself. I want to learn about other people. To get inspired by them. Lately I’ve been working on music lots. It’s something I’m really passionate about and I can’t wait to share it with people who are open to listening. All I daydream about is being somewhere warm and somewhere exciting. The last few years have been really hard on me. I struggle with a lot of issues that I’m not going to delve into right now, but my biggest dream is just to be happy. To be able to look at myself and be proud, and to make my friends & family proud too. Life moves really fast and I’m making lots of changes. Things are changing for the better, I have to believe they will. <3

Thank you Ella for sharing your inspirational and moving story! <3

Come back next month to see August’s Divine Femininity. :)

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sevenpabosandabunchoffans · 6 years

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The Meaning of Family | Chapter 15 (Final)

Characters: Kim Seokjin, Kim Namjoon, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Jeon Jungkook, Kim Taehyung, Park Jimin, Original Characters, Kim Yugyeom, Jennie Kim

Words: 10,803

Genre: Foster Dad!Jin, Preschool Teacher!Jin, Social Worker!Namjoon, Little Kid!Yoongi, Little Kid!Hoseok, Little Kid!Jimin, Little Kid!Taehyung, Little Kid!Jungkook, America!au, namjin but it’s more of a side thing

Warnings: recovery from an eating disorder, one character pressures another to have sex but nothing happens, mentions of past sexual abuse towards a child, mentions of child abuse (teenager), mentions of alcoholism, mentions of past child neglect, one character is basically just a cunt and says so many offensive things that it would take forever to type them all out, mild sexual harassment, jin is an emotional wreck

Summary: Jin is a preschool teacher at a small center and has an absolute adoration for younger children. During his time as a teacher, he sees an unfortunate percentage of his students placed in the foster system, so he decides to become a foster parent himself, forming an attachment with five children that get placed with him and their case worker.

A/N: The final chapter is here! Thank you to everyone that has followed this series. If you’ll stay after the chapter, there will be a detailed explanation of the surprise I mentioned at the end of this post.

Previous Chapter

“What are your thoughts on sex?” Hoseok was at his quarterly appointment with Dr. Pruitt to check up on his medication and coping strategies. As he did at the end of every meeting, the man had asked Hoseok if there was anything else he would like to talk about, and for once, Hoseok actually did have something.

“Well,” Dr. Pruitt pushed his glasses further up his face before clasping his hands together. “That is a very broad question, Hoseok. Do you mind elaborating a little?”

“It’s just…” Hoseok paused as he figured out how to word his question. “I know that a lot of people are against sex before marriage, or at least sex in high school, but I know a lot of people my age are having sex, and the media shows it as a normal thing for 16-year olds, so I was just wondering…should I be having sex already?”

“I can tell you that a lot of your peers are probably lying about having sex just to seem cool.” Dr. Pruitt answered. “But it does seem that you have some reservations about sex, and that is absolutely okay.” Hoseok bit his lip nervously, not sure how far the therapist would be attempting to dive into Hoseok’s problems. “This could be due to your parents’ views on sex, have you talked to them about it?”

Hoseok scoffed lightly. “My dad literally bought my older brother a box of condoms as part of his school supplies, I don’t think they’re too against sex.”

“Okay, so that’s not it.” Dr. Pruitt closed his notebook, signifying that their meeting was coming to an end. “I think you’re having an inner conflict because you have all these signs around you sending mixed signals about whether or not sex is okay at your age, and I believe you might have some repressed feelings towards sex. If you can figure out whatever it is that you are subconsciously feeling, it might be a little easier for you to navigate those mixed signals and figure out what you believe is best.”

At the soccer fields, Taehyung was getting in some summer practice before the school year, and the season, started. Taehyung kicked the ball towards the goal, just barely missing it. “If you shift to the right just half an inch, it’ll go in.”

Taehyung whirled around to see Kortni approaching him, her soccer bag over her shoulder. “What are you doing here, it’s off-season.”

“Then why are you here?” Kortni shot back as he retrieved his ball. “Mind if I join you?” Taehyung shrugged, and Kortni immediately set her own ball on the field and kicked it towards the goal.

Taehyung was just about to get back to practicing when he saw Hoseok’s car pull into the parking lot, meaning his appointment was over and it was time for the two of them to go home. “I gotta go, my brother’s here.” Kortni nodded and was about to kick again when Taehyung stopped her. “If you twist your core just a little more, your kick will be more powerful.”

Kortni turned to see him already halfway to Hoseok’s car. “Thanks!” She called after him, and he waved his hand in response as he opened the passenger door.

“Who’s that?” Hoseok asked as Taehyung put his seatbelt on.

The 14-year-old shrugged. “Just someone from the girls’ league.”

When they walked in their front door, they were greeted by a serious conversation between their older brother and their parents. “Yoongi, we told you that you don’t have to get a job, we just want you to focus on your schoolwork and preparing for college.”

“But I want to work.” Yoongi insisted, bending over to pick Holly up when she began pawing at his legs. “I wouldn’t have applied to work at the music store if I didn’t.”

Jin sighed. “And you think you’ll be okay? You won’t get overly stressed and anxious?”

“I’ll be fine, Dad.” Yoongi insisted.

“Yoongi got a job?” Taehyung asked, setting his bag on the couch.

“That’s not where that goes.” Namjoon stated, not even looking up from his laptop.

Taehyung picked his bag back up as Yoongi answered him. “I start working at Jack’s Music on Monday after school.”

“Congratulations~” Taehyung said before heading to his room. Yoongi left shortly after him, cuddling Holly close to his chest as he walked to his room.

“Wait, Yoongi, I gotta ask you something.” Hoseok chased after him, leaving Namjoon and Jin alone in the living room.

“What are you working so diligently on?” Jin asked as he opened his binder up to continue lesson planning for the coming week.

“A new case~” Namjoon started off vaguely, hitting send on his email before finishing his thought. “We have a girl in Greenbrier that just went into protective services, so I’m coordinating appointments for both her and her family. It’s not looking too good, though.”

“I hope everything works out okay.” Jin commented, and Namjoon nodded.

“Me too~” He said quietly before shutting his laptop, deciding he needed a little break from his depressing work. “What are you working on?”

“Community helpers week is coming up soon, so I’m trying to come up with various activities and decide who to call to come talk to the kids.” Jin answered, filling out part of his weekly lesson plan. “I’m going to call the fire department tomorrow to see if they can bring a truck over for the kids to look at, that’s always a favorite of the kids’.”

“Don’t let Jungkook know.” Namjoon teased. “You remember how much he loved that when he was in preschool.”

“Oh my god, I thought we would never get him out of the truck.” Jin thought back to the day that their youngest son bawled his eyes out at the thought of having to exit a firetruck. “Speaking of Jungkook, it’s probably time for me to go get him and Jimin.” Jungkook had joined the 7th grade football team and had morning summer practices starting at the end of July that coincided with Jimin’s dance camp.

“I’ll hold down the fort here.” Namjoon stated as Jin stood up from the couch, setting his binder on the coffee table. He leaned down to press a quick kiss to his husband’s lips before going to the kitchen to grab the snacks he had prepared for the two boys.

Jimin entered the car, skin glistening with sweat from his hard work that morning. “Hey, I brought you some peanut butter crackers.”

“But I ate all of my breakfast today.” Jimin commented as he put his seatbelt on.

“You did, and I am very proud of you, but your doctor said you’re still underweight and that you still need to have snacks between meals.” Jimin sighed and grabbed one of the packages from the cupholder between him and his dad. “You don’t have to finish it, just have at least two of the crackers and that’ll be fine.”

Jimin ate his snack in silence as Jin drove to the middle school to pick up Jungkook, finishing half the package before putting it away (which was only one more cracker than Jin had asked him to eat, but Jin was extremely proud of him anyway). Jungkook entered the car, much sweatier than Jimin was. “Hey, Kookie, I brought you a snack too in case you were hungry.”

“Thanks~” Jungkook reached up and grabbed the unopened package of crackers. “Yugyeom asked if it was okay if he could come over Friday after we get our schedules.” Jungkook was thankful that his face was already red from practice so that his heated cheeks wouldn’t raise any questions. “We want to get our school stuff together and make plans.”

“That’s fine~” Jin approved. “As long as his mom says it’s okay.”

They entered their house to see Hoseok on the couch next to Namjoon with an annoyed look on his face. “What’s up, Hobi?” Jin asked as Jungkook and Jimin started racing each other to the bathroom to shower. “One of you just use ours~” Jin called to them before turning back to Hoseok.

“Yoongi and Sophia kicked me out.” Hoseok grumbled, harshly hitting the guide button on the TV remote to see what was on.

“They did not kick you out, you chose to come in here.” Namjoon shared his input. “Sophia came over so she and Yoongi could start looking at college applications.”

“Oh, is that what they’re doing?” Hoseok muttered, crossing his arms over his chest as he finally decided on The Avengers.

“Leave them alone,” Jin softly scolded the 16-year-old. “Think about if it were you and Izzy.” Hoseok just turned the volume on the TV up slightly. “Alright, any ideas for what you want for lunch?” Jin asked as Taehyung entered the room, and Hoseok shook his head.

“I’m in the mood for a ham and cheese sandwich.” Taehyung supplied, rolling over the back of the loveseat to land on the cushion.

“I’m sure you’re capable of making that yourself, Taehyung.”

Taehyung dramatically pouted. “But it doesn’t taste as good as when you make it.”

“Dude, you just slap a slice of ham and a slice of cheese between two slices of bread.” Hoseok rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know what it is, but Dad just makes it better!” Taehyung insisted.

“Alright, come on,” Jin gestured for Taehyung to follow him into the kitchen. “I’ll show you how I make it.”

Soon enough, the family of seven, plus Sophia, were sitting down to dinner. “Jimin, you need some chicken on your plate.” Namjoon said when he noticed the 14-year-old trying to get by with a just a helping of side salad.

Since Jimin had eaten all of his breakfast that morning, an entire sandwich as opposed to half of one at lunch, and the two snacks Jin had him eat, he knew that it would be difficult for him to eat a substantial amount at dinner. He picked out the smallest grilled chicken breast and cut that in half, placing that amount on his plate. After seeing a slight nod from his dad saying that that was a good amount for that night, he began to take small bites of his salad.

“Is the preschool hiring?” Sophia suddenly asked.

“Oh, you’re looking for a job, too?” Jin inquired, and the 17-year-old girl nodded. “Well, unfortunately, you have to be 18 to work there…” Sophia’s face fell as she took a bite of chicken. “But if you’re still looking for a job in April after your birthday, then I can put in a good word for you with the director.”

She gave the man a small smile. “Thanks, Jin.” Underneath the table, Yoongi squeezed her hand before picking up his glass of coke.

“So, we have Math, Health, and Study Hall together this year.” Yugyeom commented after comparing his and Jungkook’s schedules. “This is gonna be awesome!”

“Yeah, awesome~” Jungkook agreed, trying to will his heart to slow down.

Yugyeom looked up from the paper and smiled at his best friend. “What class are you most excited about?” He asked as he handed Jungkook his schedule back, grabbing his backpack from the floor that he had packed with his school supplies, so they could get their binders together.

“I’m really excited about art this year.” Jungkook stated honestly.

“I can’t wait to see some of your projects!” Yugyeom exclaimed, making Jungkook pray to all the gods that he wouldn’t turn red at that moment. “I’m excited about health. I heard from some of the eighth-grade football players that we’ll get to watch a lot of movies.”

“That sounds fun…” Jungkook trailed off as he was mesmerized by Yugyeom’s fingers moving as he set his paper inside his binder. When he realized he had been staring, he quickly shook himself out of his trance and busied himself with his own school supplies.

“What’s your schedule look like?” Jimin asked Taehyung as he entered their room after taking a shower, flopping on his bed and grabbing his laptop.

“Why do I have to like girls?” Taehyung was obviously in his own world as he cuddled Soonshim to his chest, looking up at the ceiling.

“You could try liking both.” Jimin responded. “Both is fun.”

Taehyung ignored him as he continued his rambling. “I’ve only seen her twice and I’m in love.”

Jimin looked up from his laptop. “Why am I just now hearing about a girl in your life?”

Taehyung rolled onto his side. “I don’t like this feeling. Distract me.”

Jimin rolled his eyes as Lily jumped onto his lap. “Are you gonna tell me your schedule or not?”

“Oh, right!” Taehyung sat up, and Soonshim shot out of the room due to her newfound freedom. “What lunch do you have? I have second this year.”

“I have second, too. Dad’s gonna be extremely happy about that.”

“You’re doing good, Jimin.” Taehyung stated seriously. “We’re all just worried about a relapse.”

Jimin sighed. “I know, I am too.”

“Let’s not talk about this now.” Taehyung crossed the room to join Jimin on his bed. “Let’s see if we have any classes together.”

“I don’t get why you’re taking all of these computer classes still.” Izzy said from where she was lounging on Hoseok’s bed, Hoseok at his desk as he messed with some computer parts he managed to get from a garage sale.

“Because I like computers, you know this.”

“Yeah, but it’s like you don’t want us to have any classes together.”

Hoseok turned around in his desk chair to look at her. “You know that’s not true.” He got up to move to lay on his bed next to her. “I just want to take classes that I’m interested in.”

Izzy sighed. “At least we have oral com together.” She nuzzled into Hoseok’s chest before looking up at him. “Let’s do it now.”

Hoseok nearly choked on air. “Izzy, you know we can’t.”

Izzy scooted away from him and rolled her eyes. “It’s not like your dads don’t know that Yoongi and the cheerleader are fucking, I don’t get why they’re so strict about stuff like leaving your door open.”

“They haven’t given Jungkook the whole sex talk yet, and they said that they’ll change the rules once they have.”

“Great, so we’ll have to wait another year or two.” Izzy crossed her arms.

“Doesn’t waiting make it better?” Hoseok asked, but Izzy didn’t respond. He didn’t care, as he was happy to have put it off anyway.

Yoongi stood in Abuela Martinez’s kitchen, spooning some soup into a bowl for the elderly woman. He caught part of her and Sophia’s conversation as he carried the dish into the living room. “Yes, Abuela, I am okay with going to a community college.” Sophia had decided on going to the community college in Morrilton, which was 20 minutes away from where they lived now.

“Here you go, Abuela,” Yoongi handed her the bowl of soup.

“Thank you, Yoongi, you’ve always been such a nice boy.” Yoongi smiled at her as he moved to sit on the floor next to Sophia, where they had already begun filling out college applications in hopes of early acceptance. “Don’t you want to go to school with your boyfriend? Can’t you get that preschool degree at UCA?’’

“Yeah, but it’ll be way more expensive.” Sophia explained. “Plus, it’s not like I’ll never see Yoongi again. The school is only 20 minutes away, so I can still live in Conway and drive down there for class.”

“As long as you’re sure.” The older lady set her soup on the side table before slowly pushing herself up from her chair. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the ladies’ room.”

Once the woman was out of sight and earshot, Yoongi looked at Sophia. “Have you told her or your mom yet?”

“No, have you told your dads yet?”

Yoongi shook his head. “If I had, they probably would have been even more against me getting a job.”

Sophia moved to sit on Yoongi’s lap, wrapping her arms around his neck as he wrapped his around her waist. “We have all school year to tell them. Until then, we can ease them into the idea.” Yoongi nodded and lightly pressed his lips to hers before turning his attention back to his laptop where the application for UCA was pulled up.

Taehyung sat in the desk he claimed as his for French class, scribbling on a random piece of paper out of boredom until a bag dropping onto the desk in front of him caught his attention. “Fancy seeing you here, stranger.”

“Kortni?” Taehyung asked, not fully believing the blonde girl that had been invading his thoughts was actually there.

“Wouldn’t expect some macho soccer player to be taking French.” Kortni sat in the seat, staying turned around to face him. “I would have pegged you as the type to take German or something.”

“A-actually I’m the type to take-take the same language as my genius brother so that I can, uh, I can copy his homework.” Taehyung was only partially joking, too busy cursing himself for allowing his stutter to slip out right then.

Kortni must have found it cute, though, because she giggled lightly at him. “Well, you’ve just made it that much easier for me.” Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows, and Kortni picked up on his confusion. “I hope you don’t think I kept seeking you out on the practice field in an attempt to form a friendship.” He tilted his head slightly, even more confused. “I was setting you up to obliterate you on the field. But then I saw you sitting in here and I decided why not obliterate you in the classroom? It’ll probably be much easier, because you actually are fairly skilled with a soccer ball.” Taehyung was at a loss for words as the bell rang, making Kortni turn to face the front.

Taehyung ran up to Jimin as he was walking into the cafeteria. “I was wrong, I am most certainly not in love!”

“Wait what?” Jimin asked as they walked up to the lunch line.

“Kortni! The girl I told you about the other day.” Jimin nodded in understanding as Taehyung handed him a tray. “I’m not in love with her. It turns out she’s actually my arch nemesis. I have to destroy her!” Taehyung took it upon himself to fill Jimin’s tray with a slice of pizza, a cup of pears, and a cup of baked beans.

“O…kay.” Jimin reached out to grab a bottle of water, but Taehyung smacked his hand out of the way and grabbed a milk.

“Meal plan says milk until you get your weight up.” Jimin rolled his eyes as he accepted the milk carton from his brother.

“Why don’t you start from the beginning with this Kortni girl?” Jimin asked as they sat down at a table together.

“Gladly~”

“My mom’s not home.” Izzy said as Hoseok began to pull out of the parking lot. “You wanna come over and have some fun?”

Hoseok’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “Can’t~ I have to go pick Jimin up from school and take him to his ballet class.”

“I thought that was Yoongi’s job.” Izzy asked, obviously annoyed that her advances had been shot down again.

Hoseok shook his head as he approached the Jr. High. “Yoongi works at the music store now, so chauffeuring Jimin is my responsibility now.”

“Alright, well how about after you drop him off?” Izzy asked, reaching over to rest her hand on Hoseok’s thigh.

“I, uh, promised Jungkook I would help him with his homework today.” He hadn’t, as Yugyeom came over after school everyday after their football practice to help. Izzy removed her hand, and Hoseok let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

That Saturday night, Yoongi was out on a date with Sophia while Hoseok’s other three brothers had already holed themselves up in their rooms. Hoseok knocked on his dads’ bedroom door, waiting for them to say he could come in.

“What’s up, Hobi?” Jin looked up from his laptop, where he was downloading some activity sheets to print out for the following week, his glasses perched on his nose. Namjoon was sitting next to him on the phone, speaking quietly about a court meeting that was coming up.

“Can I ask you guys something?” Jin set his laptop to the side and Namjoon finished his call, letting both of their attentions be on their second oldest. “What do you think is the right age to be having sex?”

The question caught both of them off guard. “Well, Hobi,” Namjoon began, “I don’t really think it’s a matter of age so much as it is a matter of maturity.”

“What do you mean?” Hoseok asked as he sat on the foot of their bed.

“There’s a lot of stress that can come from being sexually active.” Jin explained. “From the possibility of getting a girl pregnant, to the risk of STDs, and even the emotional connections that can be formed from having sex with someone. And a person shouldn’t consider being sexually active until they are mature enough to handle any consequence that can come from having sex.”

“And you think Yoongi is mature enough for that?” Hoseok knew he was stalling now.

“Your brother’s sex life is not something we want to discuss with you, Hobi.” Namjoon said. “But we have already discussed this with him too.”

“What is this about?” Jin asked. “Are you wanting to have sex with Izzy? You don’t have to ask our permission, Hobi.”

“No, actually~” Hoseok took a deep breath. “Izzy has been talking about the possibility of us having sex, but I don’t particularly want to, and I was just wondering if that was weird for me to not want to have sex at 16.”

“It’s not weird.” Namjoon said. “I wasn’t interested in having sex when I was 16. There’s a lot of different reasons as to why one wouldn’t want to have sex.” Hoseok nodded, and Namjoon took that as a chance to ask his next question. “Are you thinking you might be asexual? It’s okay if you are.”

“No, I don’t think so.” Hoseok stayed quiet for a few seconds as he gathered his thoughts. “I mean, I know I want to have sex one day, preferably with Izzy, but whenever it comes up, it scares me. Like, I’m actually terrified.” Saying it out loud made Hoseok realize that Carter was the reason behind his reluctance.

“That’s completely understandable.” Jin said, willing away the tears he felt coming on. “You experienced something horrible as a child, and the repercussions of that are going to carry on through to adulthood. It’s completely normal for you to be scared to have sex, because you associate it with what you went through. No one can blame you for that.”

Hoseok wasn’t sure when the tears began to pour out of his eyes. He just knew that he needed his dads’ reassurance and love at that moment. He moved to lie between them, welcoming the both of their arms around him. “Will I ever be okay?”

“One day, Hobi.” Namjoon whispered into his hair.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I love breakfast for dinner?” Taehyung asked rhetorically as he loaded his plate up with hash browns. “Because I really do.”

Jimin had been struggling with eating properly over the past few weeks, which he and his dads agreed was probably due to football season starting and worrying about all of the people in the bleachers looking at and judging him (even though they wouldn’t be). Due to this, Jin had gone back to fixing Jimin’s plate up for him to make sure he had all the proper components on it while Jimin focused on eating at least five bites of each item on his plate (he was usually able to eat at least half of each item, sometimes more depending on what it was). After fixing Jimin’s plate up with a pancake, a piece of sausage, and a scoop of eggs, he sat down at his own spot and fixed himself a plate. “Tomorrow’s Sunday, meaning grocery day, so everyone needs to think about what they want or need from the store.” The boys all mumbled in acknowledgement, too busy enjoying the food in front of them. “Yoongi, do you need any more condoms?”

Yoongi dropped his fork on his plate and hid his face in his hands as he groaned in annoyance. “Dad, if I need condoms, I am perfectly capable of buying them myself.”

“I’m just making sure-“

“Yes, I know, thank you.” Yoongi waited until he was sure the conversation was over before picking his fork back up.

Jungkook snickered at the exchange until his phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket but froze when Jin scolded him. “Jungkook, you know no phones allowed during mealtimes.” Jungkook had just received the phone as a gift for his 13th birthday two weeks prior and was still struggling a bit with the rules that came with it.

“But it’s Yugyeom!” Jungkook insisted.

“And you can call him back after dinner.” Jungkook whined, but put his phone up anyway, picking his fork back up as Namjoon’s phone began to ring. “How come dad can have his phone?”

“Because he needs it for work.” Jin explained as Namjoon answered the phone. Namjoon only stayed on the phone for a few seconds before hanging up and standing up from his chair. “What is it?”

“I gotta go, a case in Greenbrier. I’m not sure when I’ll be back.” He gave Jin a quick kiss before waving goodbye to their sons.

Namjoon arrived at the house at the same time as the police did, and they could hear glass breaking and muffled shouting from outside. As they approached the door, the yelling became clearer. “You little bitch!”

“Mom, stop!”

Entering the house was a blur to Namjoon, as all he was focused on was making sure the girl was safe. He registered the girl was huddled against the wall, protecting her head from the plates and glasses her mom was throwing in her direction. When the police restrained the intoxicated mother, the girl finally looked up and realized what was happening. “Jennie, we’re going to-“ Namjoon couldn’t finish the sentence before the girl was running after her mother, who was being escorted by the police to the squad car.

“That’s my mom!” Namjoon went after her, encasing her in his arms, not letting go no matter how much she struggled. “Let me go! They’re taking my mom away!”

“Jennie, calm down.” Namjoon guided her towards his car, at which point she started scratching at his arms to try to get away from him. He set the 14-year-old girl in the passenger seat of his car and crouched down to be eye level with her. “Can you calm down for me?” The girl just glared at him. “Jennie-“

“Are you happy, you bastard?” Namjoon stayed silent, allowing her to get her anger out. “You fucking ripped my family apart!”

“Jennie~” He said quietly, pausing to see if she was going to say anything else. “I didn’t want to take you away from your mom. That’s why you were under protective services because we wanted to keep you together.” Namjoon tried to make eye contact with her, but she just stared forward. “But tonight showed that you are not safe with your mother right now. So, I’m going to take you to a nice family who will take care of you while your mom gets the help she needs.”

Jennie stayed silent for a few seconds before turning her head to look at him. “Save your shitty fairytale for someone who’s gullible enough to believe it.”

Jimin and Taehyung exited their English class. “I have a quiz in French today and I am determined to finish it before Kortni.” Jimin rolled his eyes at his brother. “Wish me luck.”

“No~” Taehyung didn’t catch Jimin’s response as he was already walking towards the stairs to head to the second floor.

Jimin walked outside to cross over to the other building where his Health class was located. When he entered the building, he stopped at the sight of his dad speaking with one of the school counselors, his counselor. “Hi, Dad~” Namjoon looked up at Jimin’s voice. “Hi, Mrs. Duncan. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, Minnie, nothing you need to concern yourself with.” Namjoon assured him. “Just go on to class and I’ll see you at home.”

Jimin nodded and turned to walk down the hall. As he was turning, he caught a glimpse of long, dark brown hair in Mrs. Duncan’s office, but thought nothing of it as he entered his Health class. He ignored the boys behind him that were snickering over the fact that they were about to start the sex ed chapter (Jimin already knew what they would not be learning in class thanks to his dad and older brothers), instead opting to get a head start on the reading he had just been assigned in English. He was distracted from the words on the page when the boys behind them switched their attention to ‘that hot girl that just walked in’. He looked up to see a girl with slightly puffy eyes walking briskly across the room and sitting in the first seat she could find, using her hair to shield her face from the rest of the room. He looked over to the classroom door and saw his dad out in the hallway with Mrs. Duncan and Coach Worlow, the Health teacher, and he suddenly understood the puffiness of the girl’s eyes.

The teacher stayed out in the hallway for a few minutes still talking before she finally walked back in. “Alright, class, we have a new student with us today.” She gestured to where the girl was sitting. “Jennie, would you like to tell us a little about yourself.”

Jennie looked up and looked around the room. “Do I seem like I want to talk about myself? You were standing out their talking for a really fucking long time, did you ignore them or are you just a fucking idiot?” The new girl, Jennie, had shocked everyone in the classroom, but what shocked the class even more was the teacher’s response.

Coach Worlow sighed. “Jennie, I understand-”

Jennie scoffed, “Clearly~”

“We do not accept this sort of behavior or language at Conway Jr. High. Due to the circumstances, though, I will let you off with a warning this time.”

“What a blessing~” Jennie smiled sarcastically at the teacher, who turned to her computer to begin taking roll.

Jimin saw Jennie again that afternoon in his Biology class. Mrs. Duncan had, once again, escorted her to the class, but his father was nowhere to be seen. The class went without any episodes, completely uneventful until the bell rang to dismiss class. “Jimin, Jennie, can I speak to you two for a second?” Jimin was confused as to why Mr. Hill was asking him to stay behind, but still went up to the man’s desk. “Now, Jennie, I have no doubts that you will do well in our class here, however, after speaking with your teachers in Greenbrier, it seems that your class was slightly behind where our class stands now.” He gestured to Jimin. “Jimin here is the top student in the class, so I am pairing the two of you together as Biology Buddies, just to make sure that you stay on track with our class.”

Jennie glanced over at the 14-year-old before rolling her eyes. “Great~” She grabbed her backpack from her desk on her way out of the room to meet Mrs. Duncan who was waiting for her.

“You’re okay with this, right?” Jimin tore his gaze from the door Jennie had walked out of to look at his teacher.

“Of course, Mr. Hill. I’m happy to help.”

The next day, Jimin walked out of the lunch line with Taehyung after paying for their meals, gaze immediately falling on Jennie. She was sitting alone, pulling apart the bun from her pulled pork sandwich. “I’ll see you later~” Before Taehyung could ask any questions, Jimin was already walking in the girl’s direction. She looked up as he set his tray down on the table, raising her eyebrows when she saw who it was. “Hi, I’m Jimin~” He greeted cheerfully.

“I know.” She said, waiting for him to explain what he was doing there.

“I thought we could talk about times to get together to work on Biology.”

“Thanks, but no thanks. I got it.” Jennie flashed him a fake smile before going back to tearing her bun apart.

“Look,” Jimin said, smile gone from his face. “I know what you’re going through right now is hard, but it will get easier.”

Jennie looked back up at him. “Listen here, Jimin,” the way she said his name full of scorn, “I know all about you. Perfect family, perfect grades, first boy to make it onto the dance team, highly attractive, and nice to everyone.” Jimin just stared at her as she continued on. “Of course, you would say it’ll get better. What could you and your perfect life possibly know about what I’m going through?”

Jimin clenched his jaw as he reached into his pocket for the slip of paper he had put in there during health, slamming it on the table in front of her. “Here’s my number. Text me when you decide to stop being a bitch to people that are just trying to be nice.” He threw his backpack over his shoulder and picked up his tray, walking over to his and Taehyung’s normal table.

“Thank you, come again~” Yoongi said with fake enthusiasm as the customer walked out of the store. Sophia came in shortly after with her laptop.

“Look at this!” She opened her laptop and put in her password, setting the computer on the counter in front of Yoongi to show him what she had been looking at. “Nice, huh? And since I got that job at Purple Cow, the two of us should be able to afford it by the end of next summer! Just in time for college!”

“It’s perfect~” Yoongi commented, pushing the laptop back towards Sophia. “Now for the hard part of telling our parents.”

Sophia closed her laptop and placed it in her bag. “It’s only October, we still have a while.”

“Izzy~” Hoseok had agreed to go to Izzy’s house after school but was suddenly regretting it as she continued to trail kisses along his neck, her hand creeping ever higher. When her hand finally came in contact with his crotch, he pushed her away. “I can’t~”

“What do you mean you can’t? You’re not gay, are you?’

“No,” Hoseok assured her, pulling his legs into his chest as he subconsciously tried to protect himself. “I just can’t.”

“Well, why not?” Izzy sat up.

Hoseok took a deep breath. “You’re the first person outside of my family that I’m telling this to.” Izzy stared at him, waiting for him to continue. “As you know, I was three when I was placed with my dad.” She nodded, and he went on. “Well, when I was there, there was another guy there, named Carter. Carter used to…come into my room at night and…” he trailed off, knowing he would cry if he finished the sentence, but he’d said enough for Izzy to understand.

“Oh~” was all she said. “Well…” The two of them fell into an awkward silence until Hoseok’s phone buzzed.

“It’s my dad.” He said after looking at the text. “I need to get home for dinner.”

Izzy nodded. “Okay, yeah, go.” Hoseok went in to kiss her goodbye, but she pulled back slightly.

Yugyeom ran up to Jungkook as they walked to the football field for practice. “I’ve been meaning to ask,” is Yugyeom’s greeting. “Where do you go every day during Study Hall?”

“Uh, my art teacher writes passes for me to come and help her in her room since I get so bored in study hall.” Jungkook said, mentally patting himself on the back for being able to come up with an excuse so quickly.

“Even on the very first day of school?” Instead of coming up with another elaborate excuse, Jungkook decided it was time to come clean to his best friend.

“Alright, the truth is…” Jungkook pulled Yugyeom off to the side, away from where the other football players were congregating before practice. “I have a learning disorder, so I have to meet with a tutor during study hall.” Jungkook mentally braced himself for the teasing that never came.

“So that’s why you struggle with math so much. You could have just told me.” Yugyeom pat him on the shoulder before turning back towards the field. “You ready to go?” Jungkook took a second to calm his fluttering heart before following his best friend to practice.

“I just can’t believe it!” Jimin continued to hum as if he were paying attention to Taehyung’s ranting as they waited for Hoseok to pick them up from school. He wasn’t. “There I was, just about to set my test down on the table when her hand shoots out and sets her test paper down first! I can’t stand her!”

“Yep, that sucks.” Jimin said, turning a page in his book. Jimin felt a shadow fall over him, so he looked up.

“Hi, Jimin,” Jennie said shyly. It had been about a month since that day in the cafeteria. “I was gonna talk to you after Health, but you got checked out, and then I thought I lost my chance, but you were back in Biology, and you’re here now, so I’m having a lot of trouble with this photosynthesis stuff, and I don’t know if it’s because our student teacher sucks at teaching or what, but do you mind-“

“You don’t have to tell a whole novel’s worth of stories.” Jimin cut her off. “I’m happy to help.”

Taehyung silently watched their exchange, already plotting out his next embarrassing of his brother. “Do you mind if we do it today?” Jennie asked sheepishly. “The people I’m staying with work late on Fridays and then have date night, so…”

Jimin spotted Hoseok’s car pulling up. “Lucky for you, Fridays are the only afternoons I have completely free.” He stood up and shouldered his backpack, picking up his violin case. “Come on~” He gestured to the car with his head.

“Shouldn’t you ask-“ Taehyung was cut off by Jimin.

“Dad will be fine with it.” He looked at Hoseok’s car, noticing for the first time that Izzy wasn’t there. “Where’s Izzy?”

“Don’t know, don’t care, shotgun!” Taehyung practically dove into the passenger seat as Jimin opened the back door.

Jin arrived home between 5:30 and 6:00 with Jungkook, as he had walked to the preschool after his football practice, seeing Hoseok and Taehyung playing a video game in the living room. “What’s up, guys?”

“Jimin brought a girl home.” Taehyung’s words made Jin stop his path to the laundry room to throw his jacket in the wash due to having been drooled on by one of the new babies.

“Do what now?”

“Yeah~” Hoseok agreed, aggressively pressing buttons on his controller. “They’re in his and Tae’s room.”

Jin went straight to the hallway, grateful that the door was at least open. He paused in the doorway and saw Jimin sitting on the floor next to a girl, both of them with a textbook open across their lap. “Hey, Dad, I didn’t know you were home.”

“I just got here~” Jin answered. “Hi, I’m Jimin’s dad, you can call me Jin.” He greeted the girl.

“I’m Jennie~”

“Will you be joining us for dinner?”

Jennie looked over at Jimin. “If it’s okay. She’s not getting picked up until 9:00.”

“Okay, I’ll call your dad to let him know to pick up an extra pizza just in case.”

When Jin walked out of the room, Jennie spoke up. “So, you have two dads? That’s cool~”

“I thought you knew all about me~” Jimin said, not looking up from the homework sheet, and Jennie knew that he was still upset over their previous interaction.

Namjoon arrived home at the same time Yoongi had from work, Sophia with him. Yoongi and Sophia offered to carry the pizza boxes in for him, which he was very grateful for. “We’re home~” He called out, carrying his briefcase to his and Jin’s room. When he came back out, he was met by Jimin exiting his bedroom with a very familiar face. “Jennie?”

“Oh, hi, Namjoon~” Jennie obviously didn’t know how to react to realizing she was in her case worker’s house.

“Dad, our biology teacher asked me to help Jennie stay caught up in our class, so is it okay if she comes over on Fridays?”

“Yeah, that’s fine~” Namjoon said, gradually getting over his shock. “Jennie, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” The 14-year-old nodded before following Jimin into the living room where everyone was settling down for pizza and a movie.

Jin entered the room with a makeshift tray of drinks in his hands. “Alright, claim your drinks.” He took the glass of whole milk off the tray and handed it to Jimin before it could be spilled by all the grabbing hands. “Here’s your milk, Jimin. You can have a soda once you’ve drunk it all.” Jimin nodded and immediately took a sip before putting a slice of pizza on a plate.

After the movie, Jimin and Jennie went back to his room, Taehyung going into Jungkook’s room to help him with his math homework as he had offered during dinner. Since they had already finished their homework, they just sat on his bed in silence as they waited for her foster parents to come by to pick her up. Lily came into the room and jumped into Jimin’s lap, who immediately began scratching the top of her head. “Cute cat~” Jennie said.

“Thanks~” Jimin said, picking Lily up and nuzzling his nose into her fur.

“I’m sorry~” Jimin looked up at Jennie’s sudden apology. “I shouldn’t have judged you when I first met you, especially when you were just trying to be nice. I honestly know nothing about you.”

“You’re right, you don’t.” Jimin responded. “But what brought this on?”

“The milk~” Jimin tilted his head in curiosity. “I have a friend back in Greenbrier who’s recovering from an eating disorder and has to drink two glasses of whole milk with each meal as advised by her doctor.” Jennie confessed. “And now I know that your life isn’t perfect, so I’m sorry.”

Jimin stayed silent for a bit, watching Jennie stare down at her lap. After debating with himself, he finally decided to speak up. “I was three when I went into the system.” Jennie looked up at him in shock. “My dad was my case worker at the time. The only thing I remember from my old house is rummaging through discarded pizza boxes and McDonald’s bags trying to find even the smallest scrap of food.” He subconsciously cuddled Lily closer to him. “And I was extremely angry all the time, just like you are. But trust me when I say that it will get better. Whether it be from your parents putting themselves together or from you finding a better home with someone else.”

“Do you think my mom will get better?” Jennie asked, tears glistening in her eyes. “She blames me for my dad leaving her. Most of the time she’s okay, it’s just when she gets drunk that she’s not.” Jennie felt a sudden lightness to her chest about finally venting to someone. “Your dad started to come twice a week to check on us as what he called protective services, and she was doing better. And then she got drunk, started throwing things, and the police came with your dad and that’s when he took me away and left me with some random family.” She took a shaky breath. “And I just want my mom back.”

“He wouldn’t have taken you away if he didn’t feel that it was absolutely necessary.” Jimin told her. “We can always tell when it’s a day that he’s had to remove a child from their family. In fact, I remember the night he picked you up, he left in the middle of dinner.” Jimin sat up and scooted a little closer to the girl who was trying not to cry. “He hates taking kids from their families and only does it if the child is in danger in their own home.” Jimin waited for her to respond. When she didn’t, he continued. “As for your mom, I don’t know her personally. Maybe having you removed will knock some sense into her, maybe it won’t. All I know is that my dad will do everything he can to make sure you’re safe and taken care of, like he did for me and my brothers.”

“So, all of you were in the system?” Jimin nodded. “And Namjoon took all of you in when it turned out that you couldn’t go back to your families?”

“First of all, this is our family.” Jimin said, smiling lightly. “Second of all, it’s actually a cute story. My other dad, Jin, he was our foster parent, then he and dad started to fall for each other, so dad requested that our cases be transferred to a different worker so that his judgment on how well we were being taken care of wouldn’t be influenced by his feelings. They got together after Hoseok and Yoongi were officially adopted.”

Jennie gave Jimin a sad smile. “Well, I’m glad it worked out for you guys.”

Jimin reached out, hesitating slightly before taking hold of her hand. “It’ll work out for you, too.”

“Izzy!” Hoseok walked up to the girl standing at her locker. “You’ve been ignoring my texts.”

“Listen, Hoseok…I need time.”

“You need time?” Hoseok asked, confused as to what Izzy was talking about.

“Yeah, I just found out that you’ve been with a guy! I need time to process that!”

“Been with…you make it sound like it was willingly.”

Izzy shrugged. “Wasn’t it?”

Hoseok’s heart stopped as he finally began to realize the kind of person his girlfriend was. “Are you implying that, at the age of three, I asked for someone to come into my room almost every night and violate me?”

“What would you call it?”

Hoseok lowered his voice. “I and everyone that knows what happened call it rape.”

“You’re a guy, Hoseok!” Izzy exclaimed. “You can’t be raped.” Hoseok scoffed and turned to walk away. “And I thought you were the normal one of your family.”

“What do you mean ‘normal’ one?”

“I mean, one of your dads is a manwhore who will sleep with anyone, including your other dad, I mean, people say that’s the only reason Jin was able to adopt you guys in the first place-“

“Izzy-“

“And Yoongi is a depressed freak who will probably shoot up the school any day now-“

“Izzy-“

“Jimin is so queer, like, what guy would actually willingly want to be on a school dance team, and did anyone ever teach Taehyung how to speak properly, what is up with him-“

“Izzy-“

“Jungkook is a total retard-“

“Isabella!” Izzy was shocked into silence at Hoseok using her real name. “That’s my family you’re talking about!”

“Oh, Hobi, they’re not your family!” Izzy exclaimed. “They’re some freaks that you got stuck with because your mom abandoned you!”

Hoseok shook his head. “I’m done, I’m not doing this anymore!”

Izzy’s mouth dropped open in shock. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“I want my hoodies back~” was all Hoseok said before leaving.

Yoongi got home from work that night and immediately went to the kitchen to see what was for dinner. “Ooh, we’re having biscuits tonight.”

“Yes~’ Jin replied, standing up from where he had been bent over in front of the oven and giving Yoongi a hug. “How was work?”

“Good, my boss said I can have all of Thanksgiving Break off since I’ve been working so hard.”

“Well, that’s nice of him~” Jin turned to cut up some chicken to throw into the salad he was preparing. “Would you mind checking on Hoseok? He hasn’t come out of y’all’s room.”

Yoongi nodded, stealing a piece of chicken. He popped the grilled meat in his mouth as he walked back to his room, stopping when he saw Hoseok curled up in his bed facing the wall. “Hobi? Are you okay?”

“You were right~” Hoseok said quietly, but it was enough for Yoongi to be able to tell that he was crying, or at least had been.

“About what?” He took his shoes off before moving to sit on the edge of Hoseok’s bed.

“About Izzy~” Hoseok rolled over, and Yoongi could see his red eyes, tear stains on his face.

“I’m guessing you broke up?”

Hoseok nodded. “Why does it hurt so much? I broke up with her, so I shouldn’t be feeling like this.”

Yoongi sighed. “Because you loved her. And I’m guessing this wasn’t a planned break up, that it came seemingly out of nowhere.” Hoseok nodded again, and Yoongi ran his fingers through his younger brother’s hair. “It’ll be okay.” He stayed quiet for a few seconds before deciding to lighten the mood. “Are we too old for brother cuddles or…” Hoseok silently lifted his blanket up for Yoongi to climb under with him.

Jungkook glanced up periodically to see if Yugyeom had arrived for math class yet. The boy finally did, but Jungkook felt his heart drop when he saw him walking with a girl. He watched as the two laughed together and felt a pang in his chest when Yugyeom kissed the girl on the cheek before walking into the classroom. “Hey, Kookie,” Yugyeom greeted as he took his seat next to the other 13-year-old.

“Hi…who was that?” Jungkook asked, hoping that Yugyeom would deny his assumptions.

“Emily, my girlfriend. I asked her out this morning.”

Jungkook swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. “Oh…congratulations~” He bent his head down and made it look like he was busy working on the beginning of class problems, but really, he was trying not to cry.

He managed to do so until he arrived at the preschool, at which point he collapsed into Jin’s arms and let all of his feelings out. “Oh, Kookie, what happened?” His mind was jumping to the worst-case scenario: kids at school had found out about his disability and were now bullying him. It wasn’t until they went home, and he got Jungkook into his room that he realized how far off he was.

“Dad, I like boys,” Jungkook said once all of his tears were out.

“Well, Jungkook, that’s okay. I like boys, your dad likes boys, Minnie likes boys-“

“But I like a certain boy,” Jin suddenly realized where this was going. “And he doesn’t like me. He has a girlfriend.”

Jin wrapped his arm around the 13-year old’s shoulders and pulled him into his chest. “Well, sometimes you’re gonna like people who don’t or won’t like you back, and it’ll be okay. Because when you finally meet someone that does like you back, it’ll be that much better.”

“Like you and dad?” Jungkook inquired, looking up at Jin.

“Exactly like me and dad.” Jin assured him. “You know…I was gonna wait to give all five of you your valentine’s present after dinner tonight, but I think I’ll give you yours now.” Jin left the room for a few minutes, coming back with a framed picture. When he handed it to Jungkook, the boy could see that it was a picture of them at Universal Studios during Namjoon and Jin’s wedding. “I thought that since Yoongi is graduating in a few months that you guys might like a picture of the moment we truly became a family.”

Jungkook threw his arms around Jin’s neck in a bone-crushing hug. “Thanks, Dad.”

“My dad’s been extremely emotional.” Jimin spoke up as he and Jennie ate their lunch. After their heart to heart, they had become fairly close friends, meaning she started to come over more often, and not just for homework. Taehyung hadn’t joined them that day because he felt the need to mess with Kortni during lunch.

“Your brother’s graduating this weekend.” Jennie responded. “I don’t blame him.”

“Yeah, but he’s going to college in town, he’s probably going to be living at home, it’s not that big of a deal.”

Jennie observed him. “Is someone getting upset over their older brother graduating?”

“Shut up, I am not!”

“What is this? Jimin has a girlfriend?”

Jimin glared up at the boy that had just approached them. “Go away, Michael.”

“I’m surprised someone out of your family turned out normal and likes a nice pair of tits.”

“Excuse me?” Jennie moved to stand up, but Jimin did before she could.

“I already asked you once, go away, Michael.”

“Or maybe you’re just a slut like your father, going for anything and everything that’s breathing.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Jimin could feel himself getting angry, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold on.

“Why? Am I wrong? Is that pretty little thing next to you the slut?” The laugh had barely left Michael’s mouth when Jimin tackled him to the floor.

Taehyung and Kortni looked over when they heard the chants of “FIGHT, FIGHT” and saw a group of people had swarmed to a certain area of the cafeteria. “What’s going on?” Kortni asked just as a teacher went over to break up whatever fight was going on, but he was unable to get through the crowd of people.

“Let’s go see.” Taehyung said, moving quickly across the cafeteria to the group of people. Unlike the teacher, Taehyung and Kortni were able to push their way through the crowd of students with their phones out, capturing the brawl to put on YouTube. As soon as they made their way to the front of the crowd, Taehyung jumped into action to break the fight apart. “Jimin, stop!” He pulled his brother off of the other guy just as the teacher finally made his way through the crowd.

“You two, come with me!” He grabbed Jimin and Michael both by the arm and tugged them off to the principal’s office.

“What happened?” Taehyung asked Jennie as the crowd began to disperse.

“I don’t know! It all happened so fast!” Jennie said, still shocked at seeing this new side of Jimin. “One second the dude was harassing us, and the next Jimin had him pinned on the ground and was throwing punches!”

An hour later, Jin was speaking with the principal. “Believe me, Jimin will be punished as soon as we get home, but don’t suspend him. He’s a good boy, and this will be a one-time thing!” Jin assured the principal.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Kim, we have witnesses stating that it was an act of self-defense.” The principal stated. “And since Jimin is a top student and has had no problems before, we will only be giving him a warning and sending him home for today. However, his coach might take other actions.” Jin nodded in understanding.

Jimin had his phone taken away for the weekend as punishment, so he was definitely shocked the next day when Jennie walked into his room. “Jennie? What are you doing here?” Jimin asked as he jumped up from his bed, disturbing Lily who was napping.

“You weren’t answering any of my texts.”

“Yeah, my dads took my phone away for the weekend.” He hissed as Jennie brushed her finger along the light bruise on his cheek.

“Michael looks much worse.” Jennie commented.

“As he should.” Jimin joked. “It’s not the first time I’ve kicked his ass.”

“Really?” Jennie asked. “Jimin Kim has a bad boy side to him?”

Jimin snorted out a laugh. “No, in kindergarten he was saying a lot of hateful things about my dads that he learned from his mom, so I took it upon myself to teach him a lesson.”

“Well, he apparently didn’t learn.” Jennie said. “And neither did his mom, she came up yesterday afternoon demanding that you be expelled.”

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Not the first time she’s done that.” Jimin cleared his throat. “So, did we have homework in Biology yesterday? Is that why you came here?”

Jennie’s eyes widened, “Oh, no, not at all! In fact, my foster parents are waiting outside in the car to take me to the mall. I asked them if we could run by here first.” Jimin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Michael was saying a lot of things about me, and you defended me, so I wanted to say thank you.”

“Oh, no problem.” Jimin waved off her thanks. “It was my pleasure.” They stood there in an awkward silence. “I guess if-“ Jimin was cut off by Jennie pressing her lips to his for a total of two seconds. They stared at each other wide-eyed until the clearing of a throat by the door caught their attention.

“Dad wants to know if you’re staying for dinner, Jennie.”

“Oh, no, my foster parents are waiting outside.” Jennie rushed out of the room but paused in the doorway. “Bye, Jimin,” she smiled shyly before leaving for good.

When she was gone, Taehyung waggled his eyebrows at Jimin. “Shut up~” Jimin flopped back on his bed, grabbing the book he was reading when Jennie had arrived.

When the seven of them sat down to dinner, they were all shocked by what Jin had prepared. “We’re having chicken nuggets and peas?” Jungkook asked, not fully believing it.

Jin nodded as he sat in his chair. “It was the first meal Yoongi and I had together when he was first placed with me.”

“Oh my god, Dad, if you start crying-“

“I won’t if you be quiet and eat this food I slaved over a hot oven to prepare for you.” The boys all rolled their eyes but laughed as they dug into their simple but meaningful meal.

Taehyung felt the table was too silent, so he decided to do what he did best: embarrass Jimin. “Dad, did you know that Jimin has a girlfriend?”

Jimin dropped his fork. “She’s not my girlfriend!”

“Well that sounds familiar.” Hoseok commented, shooting Yoongi a look.

“But she’s not!” Jimin insisted.

“She kissed you!” Taehyung shot back, at which point Namjoon dropped his own fork.

“Jimin, you had your first kiss?”

It was at this moment that Jimin decided to deploy the weapon he had been holding onto since the first day of the school year. “Tae, how’s Kortni?”

Jin looked up from his plate. “Who’s Kortni? Taehyung, do you have a girlfriend you didn’t tell us about?”

“She’s my sworn enemy!” Taehyung exclaimed as Jimin smiled smugly to himself, taking a bite of chicken nugget.

Jin rinsed his toothbrush and placed it back in the holder, leaning close to the mirror to make sure there were no stray remnants of his face mask stuck to his skin. He turned off the bathroom light, pausing in the doorway to his connected bedroom and chuckling at the sight of his husband sleeping while partially sitting up, his laptop still on his lap and a file open next to him. Jin quietly approached the man, closing the laptop and gathering up the papers into the file, taking care not to look at it in order to keep confidentiality. After setting them off to the side, he carefully removed his husband’s reading glasses, smiling as his eyes opened slightly. “What-“

“Shh,” Jin helped guide him to lay down under the comforter. “Go to sleep, Namjoon.” He lightly pressed his lips against Namjoon’s before leaving him to make his nightly rounds of checking on the children.

He passed the rooms closest to his bedroom, wanting to check on the oldest first. He slowly opened the door and smiled softly at Yoongi and Hoseok sleeping. Yoongi was lying in his bed peacefully with earbuds in, probably playing Mozart or Beethoven or some other composer that he found relaxing. Hoseok, on the other hand, was fairly restless, constantly tossing and turning as if trying to get comfortable. Jin tiptoed into the room, taking care not to step on any of the creaky floorboards on his way to Hoseok. Upon reaching him, he gently placed his hand on the boy’s head, softly combing his fingers through his hair until he calmed down and was still.

Next, he checked on who they referred to as the “twins”. He couldn’t help the warm feeling that filled his heart as he opened the door and saw that Taehyung had climbed into bed with Jimin, alerting Jin to the fact that his nightmares were back, but he pushed that thought to the side in order to enjoy the precious moment between his sons. He indulged himself a little longer before backing out of the room and closing the door, making a mental note to have a talk with Taehyung the next day.

He finally came back to the room right next to his and Namjoon’s room. He almost expected to find Jungkook to be sleeping on his stomach, his rear end sticking up in the air as his knees were propped under him, the way he did when he was a toddler, but instead found him sleeping curled in on himself, his blankets having been kicked fully off the bed at some point during the night. Jin smiled to himself as he entered the room and picked up the blanket, laying it over his baby and making sure he was covered properly, even making sure to tuck the blanket around his feet, so his toes wouldn’t be subjected to the cold air he knew the room would provide. He brushed Jungkook’s hair out of his eyes, taking the time to appreciate the innocence on his face as he slept before going back to his own room.

He climbed into bed next to Namjoon, reaching out to turn the lamp on his bedside table off. He jumped in shock as soon as the room was doused in darkness as Namjoon’s voice reached his ears. “They okay?”

Jin scooted closer to his husband, resting his head in the crook of his neck. “Just as perfect as they’ve always been.” He murmured into the tan skin, falling into a deep slumber.

The next afternoon, Jin took an excess of photos of Yoongi before the ceremony, Yoongi sitting during the ceremony, Yoongi walking across the stage, and of Yoongi and Sophia after the ceremony was over. After the graduation ceremony, the two families made their way back to the Kim house for a celebratory dinner. It was when everyone had finished eating and was sitting around the living room that Yoongi and Sophia stood up in front of their families. “There’s something we’d like to tell you.”

Both families stared up at them in confusion and curiosity. Sophia took the lead. “As you all know, we both got jobs this school year, and we’ve been saving up our money…and we’ve been looking at apartments.”

“We picked one out,” Yoongi picked up, “and at the end of the summer, we’re going to move in together.”

Jin put his hand to his chest. “My baby’s moving out…my heart…”

“Dad, don’t-“

Abuela broke through the sentimental moment, making laughter flow through everyone. “There better not be a baby until there’s a ring on that finger.”

Namjoon and Jin stood up as everyone laughed and walked up to Yoongi. Sophia moved over to her family to let them talk. “We are very proud of you for making this decision on your own and working to get there.” Namjoon told him as the two parents pulled him into a hug, which the rest of the family soon joined.

“Does this mean I get my own room?!” Hoseok suddenly asked, which made everyone start talking about what stuff of Yoongi’s they would get.

“I’m moving out, not dying!” Yoongi exclaimed as Jimin tried to claim his keyboard.

Jin watched on as his sons play argued with each other, sad that one was moving on, but glad to see how far all of them had come.

Okay, so I have actually planned out their entire life stories, ranging from Jin and Namjoon’s childhoods to years after this fic ends. Because of this, I will open requests for very special drabbles/short stories. Basically, if there’s a moment from this fic that you would like to see, for example if you would like to see the time where Jungkook didn’t want to get out of the firetruck, or if you want to see something from Namjoon’s past, or even if you’re just like “hey, I want an update on how Hoseok is doing”, then just shoot me an ask and I’ll add it to an already growing list. I’ve already written and posted a few to AO3, which will be posted on here very soon, so don’t be shy to request whatever you would like to see!!

Thank you for following the boys on this journey :)

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healthnotion · 6 years

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Movies Every Millennial Dad Should Introduce to Their Kids

I’m a Millennial dad approaching middle age. My young kids are finally at the ages (7 and 5 respectively) where they’ve developed an attention span that allows them to watch a film for longer than 20 minutes. We’ve watched a lot of Cars and Toy Story movies together, but something that has given me a lot of enjoyment is introducing them to the movies that served as the backdrop of my childhood.

My parents did the same with me. Thanks to them I got steeped in the archetype of the cowboy by watching plenty of John Wayne, learned why Steve McQueen is called the King of Cool by watching The Great Escape, and discovered how well spooky suspense can be built in the absence of blood and gore by watching some Hitchcock. The movies they shared were classics and enjoyable to watch, but they also gave me a window into who my parents are. When you’re a kid, your parents kind of seem like un-relatable aliens, but when you watch a movie with them that they enjoyed in their youth, you get in touch with a bit of their personality and human-ness. You also get a taste of the era that they grew up in; even when the film they show is a period piece, a certain “flavor” of the time in which it was made comes through.

It’s been fun to continue this tradition with my own kids — it creates a little bridge between us, a shared cultural reference point. Plus it’s just fun to watch a movie you personally enjoy with your children.

Below is my non-definitive list of movies every Millenial dad should introduce to their kids — the movies that feel like nostalgic “classics” from my childhood. Being at the very oldest end of the Millenial generation, these are films that came out roughly between 1982 and 1995. If you’re a younger Millenial, you might have some different, later picks, but really, come on, this was a golden time for movies and it’s hard to get better than these. That’s what everyone says about the movies of their childhood, sure, but in this case, it’s totally, actually true.

The Goonies

The ultimate kid adventure movie. Treasure maps, secret tunnels, pirates, booty booby traps, an awesome cave water slide. The Goonies has it all. I watched this movie over and over again as a six-year-old and even demanded that my family call me “Mikey,” just like the film’s young protagonist. When I was in kindergarten, I got hit in the eye with a rock during a dirt clod fight in a field by my house. I nearly lost my right eye, but I took solace in the fact that I got to wear an eye patch just like One-Eyed Willy. And of course, I watched The Goonies again and again while recovering.

Watching The Goonies with your kids will hopefully inspire them to go on their own adventures for hidden treasure.

The Karate Kid (I and II)

Oh man. The Karate Kid. This movie had a huge influence on my childhood. I learned the importance of standing up to bullies from Daniel (or was Daniel really the bully?) and why you should always look people in the eye from Mr. Miyagi. The Karate Kid: Part II was pretty good too. The Karate Kid: Part III fell off a cliff quality wise. And let’s not even mention the later movies made with Hilary Swank and Jaden Smith.

The Karate Kid is so wholesome and sincere and full of legitimately good lessons, and yet somehow doesn’t seem cheesy. It’s magic.

A few months ago, I introduced The Karate Kid parts I and II to my kids and they fell in love with the movies. We went through a phase where we watched them every day for a few weeks. Lines from The Karate Kid have become part of our family vernacular. Gus will ask me every now and then “Live or die, man?” before honking my nose, and Scout will bark at me “Look eye! Always look eye!”

I’ve succeeded as a father.

Aside: The new YouTube Red series Cobra Kai is really good. The writers did a great job balancing the earnestness of the early Karate Kid movies with the snark and edginess of 21st century humor. Probably should wait until your kids are teenagers to watch it, though. Includes adult humor and language.

Back to the Future Trilogy

Why should you watch the Back to the Future series with your kids? The story is amazing (time-travel!), the acting is top-notch, and the music score is one of the most iconic in film history. Yes, you should watch the Back to the Future trilogy with your kids for all those reasons — it’s pure joy. But I think the reason these films have become modern, timeless classics is that the heart of the story is a kid coming to grips with the inadequacies of his parents, the difficulties of adulthood, and his own place in the world. By going back to 1955, Marty gets an upfront and personal look at his folks in their youth; he sees they were young like him once and had dreams and foibles just like he does. When he travels to the future in Part II, he sees a possible adult life for himself filled with stunted teenage ambitions. And when he travels to the 19th century in Part III, he sees firsthand how his ancestors’ decisions shaped who he is today.

Every kid should see Back to the Future because it shows in a very entertaining way that who we are is not only shaped by the decisions we make, but also the decisions of our family. It teaches you to have grace for yourself, but also for those who came before you.

Also, let’s not forget the allure of power laces and hover boards. I’m still waiting for that legit hover board.

Flight of the Navigator

Flight of the Navigator is a lesser-known time-traveling adventure that subtly teaches the importance of family. 12-year-old David Freeman goes out into the woods to look for his little brother in 1978. Along the way, he takes a fall that knocks him out. When he awakes, it’s 1986, and though David hasn’t aged at all, his family has. What happened? Well, he got picked up by an alien ship flown by a robot eye with Pee-wee Herman’s voice and dropped off in the wrong time. The rest of the story is him trying to get back to his “real” family in 1978.

I watched this movie with Gus a few months ago. I think the story of a kid getting back to his family really hit home with him. After the movie he gave me a big hug and said, “I love you, Dad.”

Compliance.

The Sandlot

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that The Sandlot is the best movie about being a boy ever. My friends and I would watch this movie over and over again during the summer (in between our games of Pickle and Pepper), and have a great time laughing at and repeating all our favorite lines (“You’re killing me, Smalls!” “You play ball like a girl!” “FOR-EV-ER!”) and drooling over Wendy Peffercorn. The Sandlot doesn’t pretend to be anything more than a simple movie about close boyhood friends and their shared love of baseball.

I introduced this movie to my kids last year and it’s become a beginning of summer tradition in the McKay household. Both kids have incorporated “You’re killing me, Smalls!” into their verbal lexicon.

Indiana Jones (Original Trilogy)

The hat, the whip, the legend. There aren’t too many films today that inspire adventure like the Indiana Jones series does. I still remember seeing The Last Crusade in the movie theater on the 4th of July in 1989. And, of course, when I got home I immediately donned my grandpa’s old cowboy hat, fashioned a whip for myself, and started fighting imaginary Nazis. The first three are the best. I tried watching the one where Indy finds the alien skull. Just didn’t do it for me. Can’t wait to watch these with Gus, soon.

Heavyweights

Hot take: Heavyweights is Ben Stiller’s most underrated and overlooked movie. His crazed fitness guru Tony Perkins is one of the funniest bad guys in film history. Plenty of fart jokes and awesome montage scenes of kids having fun and taking part in hijinks. I still want to try out the Blob, thanks to this movie.

The Monster Squad

The Monster Squad is an oft-overlooked kid’s adventure flick. People typically go to The Goonies to scratch that itch. But The Monster Squad will do the trick too. I had a buddy say it’s the edgier, cooler version of The Goonies: “The Monster Squad is to The Goonies as a Greaser is to a Soc. The Monster Squad is The Goonies’ scarier, more rebellious cousin that wears a leather jacket, carries a switch blade, and gets all the girls.”

Dracula, Wolf Man, Mummy, and Gill-man descend upon a small town, and a group of plucky kids take it upon themselves to kick some monster ass. This movie is a cornucopia of quotes: “My name is, Horace!” “Bogus!” and of course, the greatest line in movie history “Wolf Man’s got nards!”

Ghostbusters

I was a big-time Ghostbusters fan as a kid. The raunchy, adult humor definitely went over my six-year-old head (it wasn’t until I was 17 that I finally caught on to the sexual innuendos), but when you’re a kid, you don’t watch Ghostbusters for the jokes — you watch it for the ghost-fighting scenes. What makes Ghostbusters a good introduction to scary movies for kids is that the humor tamps down the fright factor. A monster-sized Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is scary, but not too scary, because he’s, well, made out of marshmallow. (The shushing ghost in the library is legit scary though.) I just wish they still made Ghostbusters toys. Christmas 1988 was Ghostbuster Christmas for me — got the firehouse, a proton pack, and lots of bottles of ectoplasm.

Home Alone

This past Christmas, Home Alone became a new McKay family holiday tradition. The kids pretty much watched it non-stop all through December and they even started watching it again in March. Why do kids love this movie? First, it’s funny, but the story of a kid facing the world all by himself without grown-ups lights up a child’s imagination. Our kids seem both scared of what parent-less life would be like, and intrigued by such independence. So a perfect encapsulation of how it feels to grow up.

The Princess Bride

A great, action-adventure movie for kids filled with heady humor for adults. Plus, The Princess Bride is filled with classic one-liners that can be pulled out for almost any occasion (“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.”).

E.T.

My in-laws introduced my kids to E.T. this summer and they loved it. A troubled boy named Elliott musters the courage to help a lost, cute alien return to his planet. Such great storytelling in this movie. It also contains one of the best product placements in film history. Every time I watch it, I want to eat Reese’s Pieces.

SpaceCamp

It was every ’80s and ’90s kid’s dream to go to Space Camp. While I never managed to get on Double Dare to win a trip there, I was able to vicariously experience Space Camp thanks to the campy 1986 movie of the same name. A bunch of kids go to Space Camp and get the chance to sit in the Space Shuttle for a test run. Fate steps in and they actually get launched into space. The rest of the movie is them trying to get back home. Not an award-winning film — just a good time flick.

The Buttercream Gang

Back in the ’80s and ’90s, there was a production company called Feature Films for Families that put out direct-to-VHS movies for kids that were designed to teach moral lessons. My mom bought my brother and I bunch of them. They were super cheesy, but I’ll be damned if we didn’t wear those tapes out. The Buttercream Gang was the particular movie in the collection that got lots of playtime in our household. It’s about a “gang” of boys who do good deeds in a small town. One summer, the leader of the Buttercream Gang, Pete, moves to Chicago where he joins a real juvenile delinquent gang. When Pete returns, he starts another bad dude gang. The Buttercream Gang rallies together to try to save their wayward friend.

It’s a nice story about friendship, love, and grace. The overly-dramatic acting makes it a hoot to watch. Pete’s meltdown in the general store is epic. It’s also got some great lines that I still drop into my conversation today (“Is that a threat? No, it’s a promise.”)

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netunleashed-blog · 6 years

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Persona 4 Remains An All-Time Great RPG 10 Years Later; A Celebration Of Its Legacy

http://www.internetunleashed.co.uk/?p=6760 Persona 4 Remains An All-Time Great RPG 10 Years Later; A Celebration Of Its Legacy - http://www.internetunleashed.co.uk/?p=6760 It may not have been known at the time, but in July 2008, Japan received what would be remembered as one of the greatest role-playing games of all time. Over the course of a decade, Persona 4 has become more than just an incredibly fun RPG with a refined battle system and quirky characters, though. A story about Japanese high school students confronting their worst fears, fighting for what's right, and becoming the best of friends spawned a lasting legacy that has empowered the people who played it and continually inspired new games. Our love for Persona 4 has kept it alive for so long with several fighting games, two anime adaptations, an adorable (and difficult) spin-off RPG, and even a rhythm game. And after 10 years, we're still seeing our good friends from Inaba in a new light.For the uninitiated, Persona 4's foundation closely resembles that of its predecessor, Persona 3. You're a transfer student new to a school surrounded by unusual circumstances; supernatural phenomena that endanger your new hometown is the crux to the overarching mystery. On a typical day, you go to class, do extracurricular activities, and try to grow closer to those around town and at school. Better yourself through hobbies or take on a part-time job, it's up to you how to pass the time. In particular, Persona 4 takes you to a fictional rural town of Inaba where the biggest thing to happen before your arrival was the opening of a Junes department store (think Super Walmart, but with an infectious jingle). Even your little cousin Nanako is utterly convinced that every day's great at your Junes, and begs you and her dad to take her there like it's the greatest place on earth.Sure sounds like all fun and games until you and your new friends become the centerpiece for a dark murder mystery and an absolutely perplexing world that lives behind TV screens. At first, it's not quite clear why outlandish versions of certain townsfolk inexplicably pop up on TV sets and go missing on rainy midnights. The one way to get to the bottom of this, to actually jump into a TV screen to enter the shadow world where the other half of Persona 4 comes into play.Aha! Is this our chance? It's time for an All-Out Attack!While dungeon crawling and sneaking up on shadows through randomly generated floors make up the exploration, an intricate turn-based combat system is where you'll find excellence in gameplay. Most enemies have elemental weaknesses which factor into how you construct your party and devise a tactical approach. Sounds par for the course in an RPG, but the unique press-turn system that Shin Megami Tensei is known for shines brighter than it had previously by giving you full control to pull off flashy, effective attacks. Receiving a bonus attack after targeting a weakness before enemies get a turn is endlessly satisfying, especially as dungeons become inhabited by trickier, stronger shadows.A story about Japanese high school students confronting their worst fears, fighting for what's right, and becoming the best of friends spawned a lasting legacy that has empowered the people who played it and continually inspired new games.However, nothing in battle matches the joy of seeing your crew team up for the most adorable, yet devastating All-Out Attacks, a franchise staple. Everyone in the party piles on heavy damage that usually puts an end to the fight, and you sense their ferocity in character portraits that pop up just before everyone jumps in. A cloud of dust erupts as they whale on enemies, sometimes popping out of the chaos only to jump back in for another hit, and all you need to do is watch as they take care of business. If you're lucky, someone will offer a follow-up attack turn-free; and it should be taken as fact that nothing is as absurdly cute as Chie's galactic punt where she literally kicks an enemy into outer space (her kung fu DVDs really paid off). Even in battle, everyone's distinct personality isn't lost or put off to the side, which highlights Persona 4’s greatest accomplishment: its commitment to a relentless charm embodied by this cast of misfits.So effortlessly does Persona 4 merge the two pillars of a social simulation and traditional RPG; nothing feels disconnected, how days are spent matters. These two realities feed into each other, and Igor--the series-long, omniscient owner of the ethereal Velvet Room--alludes to this up front: true strength is born from the bonds you form. The power of friendship is a prevalent trope in similar stories, but to have that power manifest as a tangible benefit in combat gives us further reason to invest in relationships. I call back to how Rise came in clutch to buff the party or cast healing during tough boss fights, or when Yukiko dealt the final blow casting Agidyne using her final-form persona with the last bit of SP: moments like these solidify the feeling that my companions really do have my back in times of need.Gas up your scooter 'cause we're going on a road trip!From the mother who wishes for acceptance from her stepson to your basketball teammate who finds it impossible to live up to his adopted family's legacy, these vignettes serve to tell very human stories. We help Nanako open up to her dad about his lack of presence and break through Uncle Dojima's hard-boiled temperament to reveal an empathetic father who constantly struggles with his wife's death and his job as a detective. In the end, a heartwarming father-daughter scene results in a newfound commitment to family. Other social links struck a more personal nerve.This cast harbors the painful secrets that so many teenagers and young adults repress, and it carries the perceptions and labels society puts upon them. These are the burdens everyone bears throughout Persona 4, but burdens that no one has to bear alone.When Yosuke overlooks Inaba, the town he once hated, and realizes that what makes him happy is the people he's surrounded by rather than big city glamour, I felt that. Even though Kanji maintains the tough guy attitude, he eventually embraces his sewing skills and love for cute plushies--as he began to handcraft toys for kids around town, I sensed a big, cathartic middle finger to societal expectations for masculinity. Naoto's strive for justice, as the genius detective, makes a firm statement against workplace gender discrimination. Life as an idol sure sounds great, until Rise decides she needs to walk away from stardom for her own sanity. As endearing as Chie's and Yukiko's friendship, their dynamic evolved and reached new heights after confronting their shadow-selves, leading to more open and honest relationship.This cast harbors the painful secrets that so many teenagers and young adults repress, and it carries the perceptions and labels society puts upon them. These are the burdens everyone bears throughout Persona 4, but burdens that no one has to bear alone. The TV world and Midnight Channel work not just as metaphors for the fear of what you think everyone sees in you, but to illustrate the sense of imprisonment and helplessness that's born from it. And by navigating the maze-like dungeons and crushing enemies, the crew breaks through obstacles to finally support each other in overcoming their monumental insecurities. Many of the game's pieces sound silly on paper, but they all come together to inspire you before you know it.When spread across 100+ hours of play-time, spanning an in-game calendar year, you're given room to breathe and let events, big and small, sink in. Moments of levity work alongside the more heartfelt revelations, which creates an ingenious balancing act. To its benefit, the game never takes itself too serious. Persona 4's greatness lies in its execution and presentation; story, gameplay, visual style, and its soundtrack all complement each other to elevate beyond the sum of its parts.Persona 4 wouldn't be the same game without the masterful composition of series composer Shoji Meguro. A collection of J-pop, J-rock, and catchy instrumentals make for incredible tracks on their own, but the right song at the right time elevates the emotional impact. As soon as I hear the brass horns start up for the track that plays during social links, I can't help but smile and sense the fun being had between characters. The boss battle theme of "I'll Face Myself" instills a feeling of danger, but also the determination to defeat your worst enemies. And the emblematic battle theme "Reach Out To The Truth" is such an uplifting song that brings back all my memories of this game. Sometimes I look outside my own house and "Heartbeat, Heartbreak" pops into my head on cloudy days and "Your Affection" when the sun shines. Music isn't relegated to just the background, and it cannot be overstated how evocative its soundtrack has been throughout the years.For all Persona 4's inspirational moments and pushes for social progressivism, we can't turn a blind eye to where it gets things wrong; to truly love something is to also recognize its flaws. By no means is it perfect when it comes to the portrayal of certain social groups and character conduct. Teddie himself exhibits unscrupulous behavior that can easily be interpreted as harassment, and it's never really confronted. Despite the personally uplifting story of Kanji, his sexual ambiguity is occasionally used as a punchline, and his shadow self can be seen as too over-the-top. Certain insensitive decisions can be made in relation to Naoto's struggle with gender identity; the interpretation of her character continues to be a point of contention to this day. And as time has gone on, the less amusing the cross-dressing pageant scene has become. To its credit, a Japanese game from 2008 was willing to explore subjects often seen as taboo; it misses the mark in critical moments, but there's value in its earnest effort. Regardless, some jokes weren't necessary to be humorous and it would've been much better without them.Despite all its absurdity, Persona 4 is grounded with thoughts and feelings that so accurately resemble our own; it's a human experience, one that many games aim for, but rarely come close to capturing.The sheer number of games that spawned afterward speaks to the love we've shared for this game. A PS Vita exclusive remaster, Persona 4 Golden, launched in 2012 as the definitive version; it refines core mechanics and includes a slew of meaningful additions. Along with new songs that perfectly fit the original soundtrack, Chie's new voice actress (Erin Fitzgerald) brought a whole new life into an already-beloved character and truly captured the spirit of Persona 4's best girl. A whole extra dungeon, an important new character, additional social link events, and new tag-team attacks round out Golden as the definitive version.An anime adaptation premiered in 2011, and another based on the remastered game released in 2014. Although it's difficult to capture an RPG in a condensed format, the anime offered a new way to experience the journey. Persona Q: Shadow of the Labyrinth brought along our buddies from Persona 3 into the mix in a wonderfully executed dungeon crawler RPG on 3DS--it bursts with charm as chibi versions of these two beloved casts band together to fight evil and have a good time. I'd also say Q features the best introductory theme and video in all the franchise. If the fan service wasn't already good enough, Persona 4: Dancing All Night leveraged the beautiful soundtrack for a delightful (and admittedly ridiculous) rhythm game--hearing my favorite songs remastered and remixed is a real treat.BlazBlue Cross Tag Battle brings back our friends at Yasogami High to meet the casts of BlazBlue, Under Night, and RWBY.Persona lends itself so well to fighting games that Arc System Works took up creating a 2D fighter in Persona 4 Arena, which remained true to both the developer's fighting game philosophy and the spirit of the source material. Persona 4 Arena Ultimax built on that foundation even further. And just this year, ArcSys circled back on Persona 4 by crossing worlds with BlazBlue, Under Night In-Birth, and RWBY in BlazBlue Cross Tag Battle. Each of these fighters introduced new characters and storylines, and were included in the fighting game community's biggest stages. Rarely, if ever, does a single entry in a larger franchise spin off in so many different directions, but thankfully, it's helped keep our Persona 4 love alive all these years later.After becoming personally invested in their journey that started it all and pouring all that time into seeing them grow, it was genuinely hard to say goodbye as the credits rolled and the ending theme "Never More" began to play. In the decade since the original game, we were fortunate to see the charming group of knuckleheads time and time again in so many different games. It's almost silly to think that a group of fictional Japanese high school students could empower us to be better, but Persona 4 has given me, and countless others, boundless joy and also an opportunity for self-reflection. Yes, I played an incredible RPG, but what I saw was a group of best friends pulling for each other to become stronger people and make the world a better place. Despite all its absurdity, Persona 4 is grounded with thoughts and feelings that so accurately resemble our own; it's a human experience, one that many games aim for, but rarely come close to capturing. Source link

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hellosaltysaladcollectionstuff · 6 years

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“WHAT WILL YOU let yourself know?”

Posed in a rousing essay, approximately 200 pages into Alexander Chee’s new collection, How to Write an Autobiographical Novel, this question fuels the book’s galvanic drive, naming its thematic core. To ask and then answer it, Chee suggests, is to become a writer.

The question is also nearly impossible to answer, but so be it. Chee accepts the challenge as he chronicles his attempts both to write his debut novel, the award-winning coming-of-age tale Edinburgh — a project for which he felt woefully unprepared — and to fashion a self in and for and through writing. In place of the imperative structure characteristic of so many craft books that cheerfully promise a way forward, that evince a comfortable universe of coherent rules and achievable outcomes, Chee offers instead the roundabout and the recursive, the indirect and stubbornly nonlinear. His essays are an invitation not to review the rules of writing, but to trace a unique pathway into knowledge and being in and through writing.

“The Curse,” the book’s opening essay, chronicles Chee’s experience as a 15-year-old exchange student in Tuxtla Gutiérrez, Mexico, a town close to the border of Guatemala, where he lives with a wealthy family and spends his days watching telenovelas with their cook while learning to speak Spanish. Chee is an adroit observer and skillfully sketches a sequence of scenes through a teenager’s point of view as it evolves across the summer. There’s a sumptuousness in Chee’s writing, a confident acumen that forgoes high drama in favor of amicable ease. The young man contemplates a series of small revelations — his attraction to another exchange student at the local swimming pool, a growing dislike for English as a language spoken by tourists on field trips, and, perhaps most significantly, the role of writing in his life.

On this last point, Chee explains that he began producing stories as a way to pass the time. Looking back, he realizes that this was the first writing that he had done just for himself. “There was something I wanted to feel, and I felt it only when I was writing,” he explains. “I think of this as one of the most important parts of my writer’s education — that when left alone with nothing else to read, I began to tell myself the stories I wanted to read.” This serves as a lesson, then: write for pleasure, tell the stories you want to read. If you like that feeling, repeat.

Chee complicates his observation about the role of writing in his life by pointing in the next paragraph to the story he was actually living, one in which the refractive experiences of both attraction and otherness — sexual, racial — in an unfamiliar national context illuminate just how unhappy he was in his real life back in New England as a kid growing up mixed race and queer. “Whatever I thought I was doing through my experiments in observation, I can see I was a boy losing himself as a way to find himself in the shapes of others,” he writes. To see if he can fool visitors to his host family’s home one weekend, Chee pretends to be a mestizo, “Alejandro from Tijuana.” He succeeds, and revels in a cathartic sense of freedom. He writes, “In Maine, my background — half white, half Korean — was constantly made to seem alien, or exotic, or somehow inhuman. In Mexico, I was only mestizo, ordinary at first glance.” He continues, reflecting on the difference, “When people looked at me, they saw me, and they didn’t stare at me as if at an object, the way my fellow American classmates did.” Chee’s felicitous new identity crumbles quickly though, especially as he prepares to return home. It will take several more decades of getting lost, and then writing his way back to himself, before Chee fathoms the significance of writing as a means for understanding who he is.

Another new book about writing, Betwixt-and-Between: Essays on the Writing Life by Jenny Boully, resembles Chee’s in its resistance to prescriptive instruction and the authoritative pedagogical impulse in favor of sketching edges and contours of what it means both to write and to be. Boully earned notoriety in 2003 when her piece, “The Body: An Essay,” was selected for inclusion in John D’Agata’s collection, The Next American Essay. It consisted of a number of footnotes annotating a nonexistent text: the body of “The Body” is absent. This curious form prompted D’Agata to muse on the lyric essay, noting that it “asks what happens when an essay begins to behave less like an essay and more like a poem,” which in turn helped identify a new literary form as writers increasingly engaged in this compositional misbehavior.

In her 2011 book, not merely because of the unknown that was stalking toward them, Boully continued to muddy generic boundaries, weaving a story of desire in and out of the work of J. M. Barrie. The result is both a critical analysis that interweaves quotations from Peter and Wendy with Boully’s own poetic text to ponder what it means for Wendy to love someone who will never grow up. Boully divides the pages in half with a black line, and titles the lower half of the page “The Home Underground,” which is where Peter Pan is from. The upper half of the page contains her critical reimagining of the story, with grown-ups; the lower half is a magical space, a kind of subconscious arena. As readers, we must decide how to read these two different stories, whether to read each page, or to read the upper half, and then the lower. Querying how we read — including something as simple as how we navigate across the page — constitutes a major part of Boully’s work overall.

The first of the book’s 19 essays, “the future imagined, the past imagined,” continues questioning assumptions, now about the writer and her relationship to what is written, by playing with form. The piece is more like an incantation than an essay for its rhythmic cadence and cyclical repetition of key phrases, which gain new meaning with each recurrence. The chapter begins by considering “the writing life,” and the desire to be part of the world seen, but somehow always feeling separate from it. Boully writes, “I refuse to see that the mirror too is glass, a window, a glass with a thin sheet on which I am written, a sheet that keeps the inside in. To be a part of it is to be apart from it.” The piece ponders time and pulses with the repetitions of prosaic cycles — the seasons, shifting from summer to autumn; the body, from health to illness; the family, with its rotations of parents and children and then more children. Woven through the temporal patterns, however, is a course thread of melancholy that interrupts easy interpretations of the text and its metaphors. This will not be the pipe and ink Writing Life of our cultural imagination. The narrator writes, but nothing seems to get written, and yet there exist fragments of writing. The narrator may or may not be taking anti-depressants, but there are bottles of pills, empty, evidence, but of what? The narrator dreams and wakes, but cannot discern dreaming from waking. “The present tense is all about immediate feelings,” she writes,

about wanting and lack. The present tense is about things that you don’t notice until you can’t help but notice them. The present tense is for when you are in your living room crying and the person you love is somehow a part of that, and suddenly there are two possibilities, and the present tense is telling you that you have to choose.

This is a woozy writing crafted in cycles and slippages, in repetition with minor variances. It is, well, life, and the body, repeating, repeating, repeating, like breath and blood, at once inexorably the same and ineffably different. As readers of this writing, then, we do not learn a craft so much as gather and sense, sift and glean, becoming aware through accretion, collection, absorption, rereading. We are not told how to write in clear terms; instead, we are shown what writing actually feels like and what words can be made to do.

How do we learn to write if the process is so personal and hard to codify? Chee and Boully both reflect on their academic training as writers, but much of what they have garnered about the pursuit is through trial and error at their own desks. Even immersed in a creative writing MFA program at University of Iowa, Chee still found practical aspects of the craft elusive. “Perhaps out of a desire not to appear prescriptive, at no point in my education as a writer had my teachers offered specific instruction on the writing of novels and stories,” he writes. Chee learned by tracking clues, “as if I had wandered into a place where everyone already knew what I did not know, and I had to catch up without letting on.”

That does not stop Chee. In fact, stumbling through the creation of Edinburgh seems to be the only way he could have acquired the knowledge necessary for writing it. He began with a collection of seemingly unrelated materials — some unpublished poems, a short story from college, an essay about lighthouses in his hometown. He put the materials together in a binder and announced, “When we get to New York, tell me what you are.” Upon arrival in his new home city, and with input from a friend, he decided the assorted materials might just be an autobiographical novel, and he dove into the project.

As he went, he began to play with writing in both the past and the present tense, and was delighted by their juxtaposition. Inspired by Margaret Atwood’s Cat’s Eye, which is told in alternating points of view, he noticed something strange. “I was interested in this idea of the self brought to a confrontation with the past through the structure of the narration.” He continues with an insight reminiscent of Boully’s: “I found that writing in the present tense acted as self-hypnosis.” He notes, “Discussions of the use of the tense speak often of the effect on the reader, but the effect on the writer is just as important. Using it casts a powerful spell on the writer’s own mind.” By continuing to write his novel in this experimental way, he runs into the central revelation that a key metaphor — his mother who has moved into a new house but, feeling unhappy, never unpacked — conjures his own state of mind as he begins his book. Put bluntly, his story fragments are in a suitcase waiting to be opened. He has all the pieces, but the only way to assemble them is to begin writing. A lot. Pages and pages into the project, Chee begins to find his way, and ultimately, begins to understand the relationship between plot, action, and his own life. “I had written my way there,” Chee marvels, realizing that letting the story unfold was the writing. And this is the beauty modeled by Chee’s book: the act of writing takes the writer to the self. What will you let yourself know?

Boully’s memory of her education centers on constantly being misidentified, and her experience as a published writer — and as a person — similarly centers on being miscategorized. Or just categorized. Her work may or may not be fiction, nonfiction, or poetry, or it may be a mix. Her identity may be Texan or Thai, or both or neither. This ambiguity engenders consternation, and she is asked incessantly to explain herself. She responds, “To be told to choose is to be told that you disrupt the neat notion of where things belong, that you don’t belong.” Boully refuses “the neat notion,” as she should; the tidy, the clear, the known all attain their stature through exclusion and demarcation. What happens when we allow the boundaries to blur, when those categories, especially of race and ethnicity, that are meant to divide instead find coalescence?

At certain points, both Boully and Chee do acquiesce and invoke the imperative. For Boully, the instructional form appears in an essay titled “How to Write on Grand Themes.” However, even here, do not expect a conventional lesson. When she suggests “keep your audience in mind,” for example, she does not mean the vague crowd of faceless readers who might read what you have written. No, she is referring to your beloved: that possibly cruel and indifferent reader who holds (or more likely withholds) the only praise you desire. Addressing the writer as well as the lovelorn, the essay enacts a doubling, interlacing guidance for one with advice to the other. The essay’s subheads capture the drift from the practical — pay particular attention to detail; edit lightly — to the more peculiar — obsess; cry about it; invoke the supernatural. The seepage of instruction among categories yields a reader who, too, slips between ranks, from writer to wounded.

Chee’s formal instruction takes the shape of a list, “100 Things About Writing a Novel.” Thing one: “Sometimes music is needed.” Thing two: “Sometimes silence.” So you see immediately that the list is Borgesian, a limning rather than coherent collecting, its internal structure one of association rather than logic. That said, the list does contain hints of the practical. Number 24: “Once you have finished a draft, revising it turns something like laundry into something like Christmas.” Exactly! And number 25: “The first draft is a scaffolding, torn down to discover what grew underneath it,” followed by number 26: “The first draft as a chrysalis of guesses.” All of this rings true, at once speaking to all writers while revealing Chee’s own specific struggles and revelations.

If this idiosyncratic attention to the self as writer seems hermetic and interior, it is not. Both authors structure the self in loving, wistful relation to others. Recalling years spent as an AIDS activist in San Francisco in the 1980s, for example, Chee chronicles his relationship with another activist, Peter Kelloran, and describes the pair’s first date. After attending a concert, the two men lie down on Chee’s bed, still dressed in their coats and boots. Chee asks Kelloran to lie on top of him. “The weight of him pressed me out,” he recalls. “I felt covered, safe; something dark in me retreated and, for what felt like the first time in the arms of a man, I felt safe.” Chee continues, “Peter stayed there for some time. He may have fallen asleep at some point. And so it is that when I hear stories of how thin he became, I can’t reconcile them with the weight of the boy who pinned me to myself, made me feel the place in me where I attached to the world.” Even in so profound an episode, Chee has us wondering if his experience of finding attachment to the world could have been known and wholly felt without it having been written.

Betwixt-and-Between is haunted by a lost love, a persona (or perhaps a series of figures) who appears and disappears throughout the book; the conflation of writing and loving is direct. In the final essay, “On Beginnings and Endings,” Boully writes, “To begin is to admit an infatuation, a longing, a love,” and she adds a few lines later, “To write is to encounter a love affair.” Writing, loving, and losing braid together, forming and deforming each other in a fractious snarl.

Reaching the end of these two books, we can ask how we ever teach, or learn, to write. Chee and Boully abjure mastery, offering instead a poetics inclined toward both divestiture and discovery. Rather than instruct, they undress. Rather than tutor, they consult tarot cards and practice witchcraft. They have built their own toolkits from snippets of learned direction as much as from angst animated by erasure and racism. And they insist that we read in a similar way, panning through their experiences to find gold, what resonates for each of us. Like the best teachers, they model their principles of instruction, writing us toward a profound and considered sense of being. At one point, Chee identifies the purpose of the entire enterprise: “All of this,” he argues, is “a machine to make yourself more human.”

Holly Willis teaches classes in writing, film, and new media in the School of Cinematic Arts at the University of Southern California.

The post What Will You Let Yourself Know?: Alexander Chee and Jenny Boully Write About Writing appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

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mrlongkgraves · 6 years

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Beyond the birds and the bees: What children really need to hear from their parents

When most parents think about talking to their kids about sex, it makes them very uncomfortable. It’s not exactly easy to discuss the specifics of how babies are made — especially when you are hoping that your kid doesn’t have sex until they are, well, much older. Which makes you not want to discuss it with them until they are, well, much older.

The problem is that kids need to have conversations with their parents about sex and sexuality earlier rather than later, certainly by middle school.

But while learning the biological details is important, I think it’s perfectly fine for parents to leave that to school health class or a book (I encourage buying a book — it allows opportunities for conversation and asking questions). What kids need from parents is context, confidence — and strategies.

Here’s what I think parents should talk to their kids about:

Self-esteem.

All of our children are beautiful, each in their own way, and it’s really important that parents make that clear. We need to challenge stereotypes about what is beautiful — and help all children feel confident and comfortable in their bodies. We also need to challenge stereotypes about gender and sexuality — and stress to our children that they are absolutely fine just the way they are.

Healthy relationships.

Parents should talk to their children about (and hopefully model) what healthy relationships look and feel like. They should talk specifically about how they should expect to be treated in a relationship — and how they should treat others. The media is full of good and bad examples; there are always conversation starters.

Strategies for managing sticky situations.

We all find ourselves in them, and if we’ve thought about them ahead of time, they are easier to handle. Some examples might be:

What do you do if someone does something that makes you uncomfortable?

What do you do if someone wants to have sex — but you don’t?

How do you keep yourself safe?

How do you let someone know you like them — or kindly let them know when you don’t?

The role of peers.

Peers are central to the life of a teen, and that can cause trouble sometimes. It’s important to talk about peer pressure and how it can push us to make bad decisions sometimes. It’s also important to talk about being a good friend, something that is particularly important when social media is involved; talk about the importance of being respectful and kind. The media is full of conversation-starters for this one, too.

Getting medical care.

As kids become teenagers and high-schoolers, it’s best if they can have easy access to confidential health care. It can be hard for parents to let kids talk to their doctor alone, let alone make their own appointments and go alone, but it can make all the difference for a teen to be able to do so. Talk about it ahead of time; make sure that your teen knows the doctor’s phone number — and knows that they have your permission to use it.

Managing a broken heart.

Nobody goes without getting their heart broken at least once. If you make sure your child knows this, and knows that you will be there to provide hugs and ice cream without judgment when it does, it can help them weather the inevitable when it happens.

Ultimately, that’s what teens need their parents for: to help them navigate life’s storms — and live happy, healthy lives.

About the blogger: Dr. Claire McCarthy is a primary care pediatrician at Boston Children’s Hospital, an assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School, a senior editor for Harvard Health Publications and an official spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics.

The post Beyond the birds and the bees: What children really need to hear from their parents appeared first on Thriving Blog.

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maciaslucymua-blog1 · 6 years

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How to Get Away From an Abusive Husband After 20 Years of Marriage

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How to Get Away From an Abusive Husband After 20 Years of Marriage

There are no “quick tips” for leaving an abusive husband after 20 years of marriage. But there is good news: you’re still here, and there is hope! You are not alone. I was inspired to write this article by a strong, brave woman who is ready to talk about the abuse her husband has been perpetrating on her and her children for twenty years…and she feels good about admitting the truth. How to Get Away From an Abusive Husband After 20 Years of Marriage “I’ve been with my husband for 20 years,” says Penny on How to Cope With Relationship Abuse When You Can’t Leave. “He started physically abusing me right after we married, and I stayed. He’s escalated from physical to mental and verbal abuse. Most of the time he ignores me. We stopped doing things together and he took me off of our joint bank account. We have three kids, ages 19, 12 and 4. My oldest son is also an abuser now and is in counseling. I believe it is my fault my son turned out like his father. I don’t want to be 40 years old, financially dependent on my husband and still being abused but I am scared. I’m not sure what I’m scared of: being alone or having a worse life than if I had stayed married. It does feel good finally to at least tell someone my deepest secret: I am being abused. I am embarrassed. I have zero self esteem or confidence. I can not even concentrate to finish school; I dropped out of college. I have a little voice in my head telling me to leave my husband, but then fear sets in.” When you’re ready to learn practical steps for getting away from an abusive husband, visit the The National Domestic Violence Hotline for confidential support, 24 hours a day. Remember that your computer use can be monitored, so be careful about clicking on resources or links for women in abusive marriages if you think your husband will find out. If you think your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233.

In this post, I want to talk about how you may feel about getting away from a man who’s been your abuser for twenty years. Getting Away From an Abusive Husband – Married 20 Years Here, you’ll find a few suggestions for getting away from decades of abuse. More importantly, you’ll finally learn how to give yourself permission share what you’re going through. I don’t know exactly how you feel, and I’d love if you shared with me below. Maybe you’re embarrassed and scared, like Penny. Maybe you feel guilty and ashamed, worthless and unlovable, alone and isolated. Maybe you don’t know what you feel because it’s all jumbled up in a big messy ball. But, whatever you feel, remember… Your feelings are normal – and they need to be aired out Whatever you feel, it is normal! How do I know? Because you’re feeling it. If you feel guilty because you stayed with an abusive husband for 20 years, then it’s normal to feel guilty. If you feel scared because you don’t know what the future holds – but you know you’re ready to consider leaving after two decades of marriage – then it’s normal to feel guilty. If you are struggling with fear, embarrassment, guilt, and the shame of keeping secrets…you are normal. Your feelings are 100% natural because they are YOUR feelings. You must honor them – give them space and light, air and openness. Let them breathe – let your feelings and emotions come out into the open. Air them out, let them out. Allow yourself feel how you feel. Do what Penny did: say you’re scared at the thought of leaving your abusive husband, but you’re not sure what exactly you fear. It’s important to feel what you feel because your husband spent the last 20 years ignoring your feelings, suppressing your feelings, hiding your feelings, criticizing your feelings, and downplaying your feelings. Write for 10 minutes every morning Penny has taken a most amazingly courageous first step and admitted that she’s been abused for 20 years. This is HUGE, and I am so proud of her for having the guts to speak up. Writing is even more brave than talking, because writing forces you to go slower and really feel how you feel. Writing helps your emotions come to the surface, helps you figure out what you really think and feel. Write about what you’re going through. What’s it like to be searching for tips on how to get away from an abusive husband after 20 years of marriage? Do you feel the same emotions as Penny, or are yours entirely different? Write, write, write. You will find healing and cleansing, help and hope in your own writing. You can share your story in the comments section below – but you don’t have to take the step of publicly declaring that you’ve been in an abusive marriage for 20 years. It is enough to simply admit it to yourself. Admit your feelings of shame, fear, self-hatred, guilt, fear, and insecurity. Just allow your feelings to surface. Work through them in writing. This is how you will heal and get stronger. You need to feel and face the painful emotions that you’ve been avoiding all these years. Look at how far you’ve already come You survived 20 years of abuse – and that is amazing. You have already taken a huge step towards health and healing, life and lightness. You are coming out of the shadows, simply by thinking about how to get away from an abusive husband after 20 years of marriage. You are sharing a secret that you’ve kept for two decades. That is amazing, and it is worth celebrating. You are afraid, yet you are taking action. You have no self-esteem, yet you are acting despite your fear. You are embarrassed, yet you are speaking up for yourself. These are huge milestones that must be celebrated! You are making huge inroads and fighting an ugly beast that has taken root in your life. This “little” step requires so much courage, strength, and energy. So, my dear friend, give yourself credit for coming this far. I know it seems like you have a long way to go… and the truth is that you do. Getting away from an abusive husband after 20 years of marriage is a long process – but you have already started your journey. This is amazing, and I am proud of you. If you’re thinking about your future, read 5 Stages of Leaving an Abusive Relationship. Let go of what does not need immediate attention This tip is specifically for women whose children are getting counseling: Your teenage son is getting the help he needs (Penny’s 18 year old son is seeing a counselor for help and support). That’s great that he’s in counseling; he is learning how to manage his anger and aggression. He is unlearning the destructive and abusive behaviors he saw his father do. At this point, you don’t need to worry about taking care of his emotional health. Your son is getting the counseling he needs, and he will learn how to navigate life and relationships. I know you love your children, and you may feel a great deal of guilt, grief, and pain for their upbringing. You may believe it is your fault that your children are dealing with whatever emotional or physical issues they’re struggling with. You may fear they’ll become like your abusive husband – especially if they’ve seen 20 years of abuse. But right now your main priority has to be focusing on what you need to do today, to get away from an abusive husband. Don’t allow the painful, unproductive feelings overwhelm and distract you. You need to focus on taking care of your own emotional, spiritual, and physical health. You need to get healthy and strong, so you can make good decisions and take care of both yourself and your younger children.

Don’t get distracted by your fears and insecurities Yes, you feel scared, insecure, helpless and hopeless. Yes, life is hard. But you got this. You can do this! Do not focus on your fears, insecurities, or no self confidence. Those are useless and unhelpful feelings that will derail all your plans for your future – and for your children’s future. The more you focus on the things that are holding you back, farther down you will stay. If you focus on the pain, you will get more pain. If you focus on the guilt and grief, guess what? You will feel more guilt and grief new. Yes, you have to feel those negative and scary feelings – but you can’t focus on them. There is a huge difference between airing out your fears and insecurities, versus allowing them to control. You allow them to control you when you focus on them. So, what do you focus on instead? You tell me. What you think you should be focusing on today? Focus on what you want It’s never too late to start over, to live the life you always wanted. Getting Away From an Abusive Husband – 20 Years Married In her comment, Penny said she doesn’t want to be 40 years old and financially dependent on her husband. In two years she does not want to still be wondering how to get away from an abusive man after 22 years of marriage! She knows what she wants, and it’s imperative that she stay focused on that. Do you know what you want for your life in one year, two years, five years? It’s okay if you don’t. I don’t know what I want for my life in two months, much less one year! So don’t feel pressured to decide where you want to be in two years. If you know that you want to get away from your abusive husband and not spend another 20 years of marriage this way, and then you start there. Take a deep breath…and be still for a moment Don’t push yourself to make a decision today. You don’t have to learn how to get away from an abusive husband right now. Just take a deep breath and know that you are not alone. You may feel like you are alone because you kept this secret for the past 20 years of your marriage…but the truth is you are not the only one who is experiencing this. Twenty years is a long time to undergo physical, mental, sexual, and emotional abuse from your husband. I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I can imagine there is a big thick pile of complicated emotions, history, and experiences that are all bunched up and pressing on your soul. It’s a huge burden, and it is heavy. It won’t be easy to learn how to get away from an abusive marriage, to free yourself from the pain of being with a husband who has been abusing you for 20 years. Take a deep breath. What do you need? What do you know about yourself, your life, your feelings? Write it all down. Start a private journal, and write yourself every morning. Write to God. Write to your husband. Write to your kids. Start sorting through your emotions and untangling your feelings. This will help you start to see how to get away from an abusive husband, even after 20 years of marriage. Think it’ll take another 20 years to leave? Read 7 Ways to Survive Life With an Angry Man – When You Can’t Leave. Dear friend, what do you think? Feel free to share your secrets, stories, and sighs below. While I can’t offer advice on how to get away from an abusive husband, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led. And, remember that you are not alone. Help Leaving an Abusive Husband – 20 Years Married In Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?: Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men, Lundy Bancroft offers hope and healing, strength and encouragement. You will see the truth of this destructive relationship, and learn how to get away from an abusive husband – even after 20 years of marriage. “For the purposes of this book, when I refer to a “controlling partner” or an “abusive man,” I mean one who repeatedly makes you feel devalued,” writes Bancroft in Why Does He Do That? “An abusive man might do this through verbal abuse and mental cruelty; through pressuring, hurting, or humiliating you sexually; through controlling the money; through cheating on you or giving lots of flirtatious attention to other women so that you feel like less; by focusing only on his own needs and ignoring yours (emotionally, sexually, financially, or in other ways); by using coldness and withdrawal when he doesn’t get his way; by turning you into a servant; by chronically ignoring his responsibilities so that you are stuck taking care of things; or through violence and threats. Devaluation and domination take many different forms.” In Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse, Shannon Thomas says that within every community, toxic people can be found hiding in families, couples, companies, and places of worship. The cryptic nature of psychological abuse involves repetitious mind games played by one individual or a group of people. Emotional and psychological abuse leaves no bruises. There are no broken bones. There are no holes in the walls. The bruises, brokenness, and holes are held tightly within the target of the abuse. But you CAN break free and recover, and you will heal and become whole again. Beloved reader, May you find wisdom and healing, strength and courage. May you take good care of yourself, and find peace in whatever road you take. May you grow healthy and strong through this experience, and may your life be blessed with joy, connection, and love. Blessings, Laurie

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