#it’s so weird how tiktok KNOWS which opinions will get on my nerves

[nubs-mbee]

The people against bows becoming a trendy fashion accessory has annoyed me sooo much lately. Saw a tiktok that was like “if you get uncomfortable with us saying wearing bows infantilizes women and supports the patriarchy, it just means you’re uncomfortable with us pointing out you’ve been engaging in a harmful trend/behavior 😌” aaaaaAAAAAAH people online are allergic to nuance

[skepticalarrie]

Hello, I want to tell you about my experience at Harry's concert in Vegas, I have to say that before being a fan of harry I was a fan of 1D. Taking this, I am happy when Harry sings 1D songs. I went to the live on tour in 2017 and it really was an indescribable experience, I had already heard that Harry sang 1D songs and I was excited about it but I never imagined that the stadium was full of directioners, I felt very comfortable in my venue and I met several directioners, the place was full of flags and some girls had larry things, the place felt safe you know, obviously Harry was wonderful, his album HS1 is incredible live.

Saturday was the Love on Tour and I was really excited to see Harry after so long, I went with a friend and I can really tell you that the atmosphere was not the same, many girls were very young and I felt much older haha , I realized that they were new fans who entered in solo Harry era and possibly knew him these last two years. It looked like a fashion show which I really liked, a lot of girls recording tiktoks and commenting on how excited they were to see Harry for the first time, something that seemed funny was that I saw a few girls with yellow and black nails then I found out that it was something related to duplicity. The truth is that I felt out of place in the crowd, in my area I didn't see people with things related to Larry, there were flags but they were few, not as I seen in other Harry concerts, me and my friend wondered where the directioners are , the gays, the pride flags?, when WMYB sounded I really died but many girls did not know the song, there you had me screaming like crazy in the middle of new harries.

As for Harry, he was very emotional, I believe in every word when he said that touring is his favorite thing. Unlike other opinions that I read, I like his performance, he enjoyed in the stage, there were energetic moments and when he played TPWK holding the flags I could see the same old Harry. I notice nerves in him but it is understandable, it's his first show after a long time, I also liked the new members they give a new and happy vibes.

Thank you for sharing, anon! It’s pretty crazy how his fanbase changed after Fine Line. And I think is so weird how it seems to be even more younger people now, even on Louis’ festival… I was pretty surprised how young people looked in the audience, and just girls. I don’t understand the appeal exactly, and I would suspect this has to do with how 1D was marketed, but at the same times, these new Harry fans doesn’t really listen to 1D… so it’s very confusing to be, if I’m being completely honest.

But I have to agree that on HS1 great part of his fans were 1D fans or just a few new ones, when now it’s an entire new fanbase. I hope that with time things can get a little more comfortable. He will get more comfortable I’m sure of it, and watching the videos I think he looked and sounded amazing, so I can’t wait to see things progressing with time.

[megbox]

2020 Year in Review

Previous Posts: (2019) (2018) (2017) (2016) (2015) (2014) (2013) (2012) (2011) 

2020 is a weird year because as the world goes through something collectively extremely traumatic and that is radically changing the structure of our lives, our workplaces, the way we connect socially, our mental health… our response to disease…. SO MUCH ABOUT THE WORLD…. And yet the day-to-day of living in a pandemic is so… mundane. I am privileged enough to have that opinion. I have stayed securely employed and it is privilege for my main reaction to something as intense as this pandemic to be boredom. But really, 2020 was a year of absences. It was a year spent largely alone, in my own company. It was a year that forced me to rest. It was a year that made me feel so terribly lonely but also forced me to get acquainted with myself and enjoy my own company in a new way. And it was a year of running. 

I would also like to thank Connor for making this post happen by reminding me to do it and not to break tradition. 

January & February 

I am combining these months because they were not altogether all that memorable. My resolutions, as I noted on Twitter on January 2, were to 1) Keep running and 2) Learn how to make fresh pasta dough. I can safely say – mission accomplished on both fronts. 

On January 14, I had the privilege of presenting a suicide intervention lecture to students at the medical school where my brother goes. By that time, I’d done a million of these presentations so nerves aren’t really a factor (imagine that! Me, no longer remotely afraid of public speaking…), but this one meant a little extra to me. My brother is so highly accomplished, and I am so proud of him, and I enjoyed having an opportunity to show him what I do and make him proud of me. I wore my favourite dress and did my hair all nice and he described it later as “exceptional.” It was a really, really good feeling. The first weekend of February, Ali and I had planned to go to Jasper. We wanted to go for a hike or two, and get super stoned and go to the planetarium. A huge blizzard hit Alberta just before we were supposed to leave, so we ended up having a staycation here in Calgary. We rented a hotel room, went swimming, drank wine, went to Japanese Village, had drinks in the lounge and then later to a punk rock band roulette night at the Palomino and finally crawled into our giant hotel bed and fell asleep to Remember the Titans… of all movies. It was the kind of night where you simultaneously feel 18 and 35 years old. 

March 

March was when the pandemic really started to become real. I don’t know exactly why, but I did not take the threat of coronavirus very seriously until the last minute. My coworkers would whisper about it in the hallways and I just rolled my eyes. But then, people started deciding they would work from home, the number of us in the office dwindled. The vibe was bad. Nobody could really focus. They held meetings at 8am and 4pm every day just for COVID-19 updates and we all waited with bated breath for them to finally tell us to go home and not come back. I really feel like I didn’t acknowledge the true implications of this virus until we got the official work from home order, and I had to tell my boss, my laptop at home is too old to run this software, I need a work tablet. My first official work from home day was March 23, 2020. I don’t remember much about that time except that the general sense of panic and anxiety made my job a lot busier, and it is hard to do a job like mine from home because it is hard to counsel or reassure clients through anxieties that are hitting you just as hard. I coped with wine, a lot of running, and listening to Ben Gibbard’s afternoon live streams where he would play acoustic versions of Death Cab songs and other covers. He played New Slang by the Shins one night and I burst into tears. I also coped with teaching myself how to make fresh pasta dough, and enjoying what was, at that point in the pandemic, the novelty and fun of Zoom. 

April 

In the absence of being able to have a party for my birthday, I decided to be obnoxious and do a “challenge” on my Instagram story. I asked my friends to record a distance run and/or walked and send it to me as a birthday present. My actual birthday ended up being a cold and windy and pretty miserable day. I ran 12km myself, came back home and watched both Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL, and then went to my parents’ to celebrate both Scott and I’s birthdays with our family. My friends dropped off presents to my door and drove past my house and honked and I felt very loved and appreciated. I drank a lot of Prosecco with my brother and we listened to Kacey Musgraves. 

It was also in April that I become “acquainted” with my neighborhood running nemesis. I put acquainted in apostrophes because I have never actually spoken to him. On one fateful run in April, I happened to catch up to him on my regular route. This was at the height of the COVID fear and so, while I would usually just pass someone on the sidewalk, I went out into the street. He saw me out of the corner of his eye and SPED UP. WHICH IS SUCH BAD RUNNER ETIQUETTE LIKE DUDE I’M IN THE ROAD LET ME PASS YOU. And then we ended up in this like, all-out 100m-finals-at-the-motherfucking-Olympics sprint challenge when all I was trying to do was go for a leisurely training run. And then I finally passed him, turned a corner and had to like collapse on to my hands and knees to catch my breath. Since then, I see this man running all the time. Sometimes while I am also running, sometimes from my car when I am driving through my neighborhood. He’s like… 16. And we are very competitive with one another. I hope to one day actually say hello to him. I both hate that guy and have to thank him for the motivation. 

I ran my first half marathon on April 13, 2020. I was very hungover because I had stayed up quite late with someone on Zoom the night before on a virtual “first date” that had gone much better than anticipated. I don’t know why but I woke up the next morning in such a good mood that I decided I would go for a long, slow run. I got to 18km and figured, what’s 3.1 more? And so, I did it. The first thing I did upon finishing was call my mom. The second thing I did was contemplate calling an Uber to drive me the 2km left to my house. The other notable thing in April is that Maddy moved back from Australia, begrudgingly and a LOT earlier than planned, because of COVID. 

May

May was kind of a blur. It was the first month of the Great Virtual Race Across Tennessee, which I signed up for while coming off of the high of actually running a half marathon all by myself. The GVRAT was fucking awesome. It was created by Lazarus Lake, of Barkley Marathons fame. The ask is to run 1022.68km between May 1 and August 31, an average of about 8.3km per day. Well, you could run, walk, or hike. This is the actual distance it would take you to cover the state of Tennessee. Myself and about 20,000 other weirdos from around the world signed up for this challenge. I figured I would never get a chance to run in a Lazarus Lake race for real, and being home all the time opened up a lot more opportunity for training. It was one of the very best things I did for myself in 2020. So May involved a lot of running, because I was fresh and naïve and fully intended to be ahead of the curve. I was running about 10-12 per day, sometimes more, and not taking any rest days. 

In between these runs, I spent a lot of time going on long, ambling quarantine walks with Maddy. We would either go for a long walk or she would come over and we would get absolutely hammered in my backyard playing beer pong just to pass the time. We would send snapchats to our exes and make TikToks like 18 year olds. I know we never really said it out loud but having eachother during this time made these months bearable. We were lamenting the loss of a summer, and Maddy’s time in Australia, and all of the expectations we had for ourselves. We were watching our friends in relationships move in together or get closer due to the quarantine. We needed companionship, and stupid things to laugh about, and love, and distraction. And I can genuinely say I would not have gotten through this quarantine period if it weren’t for the nights I spent shooting Pink Whitney and dancing to Party in the USA in my living room with her. 

May 13th was my one year anniversary of working at the university. It felt good to have accomplished so many things in that time, and have moved up already in my job, and to have a full-time, permanent contract.

And May 16th was when I ran my second half-marathon as part of a virtual challenge put on by a friend of a friend. My parents came and sat in lawn chairs in the park while I did loops. They cheered me on and filled my water bottle for me when I ran out. They’re my number one supporters and I love having a family that does that kind of shit for me in the face of something arbitrary like a virtual half marathon challenge. I knocked 7 minutes (!) off my original time. Amazing what not being hungover can do for your fitness levels. 

June 

I don’t remember many important things about June, other than Maddy moving to Banff. It was depressing but I was also happy for her and happy to have an excuse to go out there and visit. I went the very first weekend after she moved. Halfway through June I seriously contemplated quitting the GVRAT. My shins were bruised, I was dreading every single run, and I could not fathom doing it for 2.5 more months. I was dragging behind in the standings and losing my motivation. 

I spent a lot of time with friends reading in parks. Sometimes, often, with wine. I met a stranger in Canmore Park and ended up kissing him. He was lovely. 

Ali and I had one really good day in June where we went to the Farmer’s Market and then came back to her place and watched Ru Paul’s drag race for like eight straight hours. It was one of those days where we hadn’t seen each other in so long and you just feel totally high off of friendship and absolutely everything is funny and you just can’t stop laughing. I vividly remember it as one of the best days of the year. 

July

Again, July kind of passed in a blur. I did a lot of hiking, and a lot of running… keeping up with the GVRAT. I hiked Picklejar Lakes, Castle Mountain, Little Beehive Lookout. 

I went to Banff for a weekend to hang out with Maddy. We had a predictably wild weekend with her roommates and friends. We had dinner at Chili’s (hell yeah) and then went to High Rollers for beers and bowling. The “thing to do” at that point for all of these Banff people was to meet at the “rec grounds” aka public firepits and drink. The police would generally leave you alone so long as you weren’t being rowdy. I sat next to an Australian named Josh at a picnic table and later took him back to my hotel room and he gave me the world’s most unbelievable obvious hickey. Maddy and I sweat out the tequila shots the next day with a long ass hike, and then had a nap before her brother came and took us climbing at the Sunshine slabs – an activity I was not very good at but I wanted to be good at. It was the kind of weekend where you feel like, okay, I definitely indulged my wild side. And you drive home just like totally exhausted but smiling. I sent Maddy’s brother a voice note on my way into town thanking him for taking us climbing and saying it was nice to see him.

August

Okay – August was actually really eventful. Like most of the year’s events happened in August, honestly. A lot of running and hiking. I did Ha Ling Peak for the first time, and we did a 30km hike to Aylmer Pass one day that was a fricken GRIND. I spent the long weekend in Saskatchewan. We went to a cidery, and I ran laps around my Dodo’s acreage, and then we got to visit Wakaw Lake and reunite with our old next-door neighbours. We took the boat out and went tubing and lit fireworks and had an amazing dinner and honestly it was like reliving my childhood in the best, best, best way. I fell asleep on the car ride home. 

I went camping with Ali in Sylvan Lake. We got ice cream and cooked fish tacos over the campfire. She told me that Cody had a date planned for the day they took possession of their house, that she wondered if he might ask her to marry him but didn’t want to get her hopes up in case it didn’t happen and ruin what otherwise was supposed to be a celebratory day. Spoiler – he did ask her to marry him  I was running when she called me. I was listening to Epsilon by Kygo, and now when I hear that song I always think of them. I stopped my watch and just openly bawled on the street out of happiness for them. 

Steven successfully defended his master’s thesis. We went camping in Waterton to celebrate with Matt, Kennedy, Regan, Scott, and Rie. They brought cake. We did a sunrise hike. I slept in the back of my Ford Escape. 

On August 27, Ollie passed away. It was both expected and unexpected. He had been having some issues with seizures. The vet didn’t think it was anything to be too concerned about, he was old and it wasn’t uncommon for them to happen. It happened suddenly. I had a terrible sleep that night, and woke up in a cold sweat somewhere between 3 and 4 am. In the morning, my mom called me and told me the news. He had a giant seizure in the night and was crying and yelping. They woke up and took him to the emergency vet, they made the executive call to put him down to prevent any further suffering. He died right around the time I woke up in the middle of the night. I like to think that was his way of saying goodbye, maybe. I cried all day. Well, let’s be honest, I cried all week. I burst into tears at the mere thought of him. He was such a good and lovely dog. He was so loved by us. He had a good life. It is always sad when we lose pets so early. They bring so much joy to our lives, and still when I go to my parents’ place the first thing I want to do is call for him or pet him. I hope he is running around in whatever the pet afterlife is. I miss him. 

And on August 31, I ran my last kilometre of the GVRAT. I finished with 733.78 run, 83.18 hiked, and 205.09 walked. 

September

September was a nice break from running. I got to start coming to campus one day a week, on Thursdays, which was good for my mental health and work productivity. I got to spend September long in Vernon with Maeghan and Madison at Michael’s family’s cabin. They took us boating and made us meals and didn’t judge us for drinking margaritas with Michael’s sister literally all day. It was the best. It was the epitome of every summer weekend you dream about. I was so happy I got to go. 

I met a boy in September. It’s always September, isn’t it? It feels weird to write about him. Like, that makes him significant. But. He is significant. And I met him in September. And it was unexpected. Last minute. And essentially not a day has gone by since that day in September that I have not thought about him.

I also joined a Calgary Sport and Social Club team with my friends for softball and it started in September. We played two games and then I tore my hamstring running from second to third base. I tore… my hamstring…. Running like 30 metres…. After a summer of literally running 10+ km every day. I… it was the worst day ever. Softball itself was amazing and so fun even though I really do suck at the sport but highly recommend Rec League C-level beer league softball with all of your best friends. There’s just no way that isn’t fun. 

October 

A lot of pouting about my hamstring, I went to two physio sessions and then decided to just start running again. I’m bad. I’m a bad example. Don’t do what I do… but also…. It worked. 

I went to Victoria to visit Sydney over the Thanksgiving weekend. We went to a Thanskgiving potluck party at my old coworker’s place. It was a nice experience to be the new people at a party, to have a room full of new people to meet and who ask you questions about your life. We got really drunk and they tried setting Sydney up with one of their roommate’s brothers, and gave us lipstick to try, and poured us tequila shots. We had such an amazing meal. It was honestly so fun. We laughed in the cab the whole way back about how we were going to need to debrief that evening HARD the next morning. We watched a lot of All Gas No Brakes, and went for dinner and brunch and I limped up Mount Doug with my hamstring. It was a very very chill weekend, like we spent a lot of time just lounging at Sydney’s apartment and doing nothing. Because that is the kind of friends we are. It was so relaxing and lovely. I was sad to leave. 

Karla, my roommate, left for New York at the end of October. Her aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and she and her mom made the executive move to go there to basically be with her for the end of her life. She wasn’t going to be back until December. I was happy, because it’s nice to have a place to myself, but also sad because Karla is lovely and I knew it was going to be a stressful situation for her. 

November / December

I am combining these two months because they have also been largely uneventful. In fact… I don’t know if I could really tell you anything significant that happened. We’ve been in a lockdown. I’ve spent my time playing piano, watching Netflix, listening to podcasts, basically doing all of the things I usually do when I’m bored. Lots of Among Us. Lots of outdoor things… skating… more running. We’ve been in a lockdown since early December. Time has dragged on since then. I spent Christmas with my parents. Scott and Rie stayed isolated, because Scott is in and out of the hospital for school. My mom and I watched shitty Christmas Hallmark movies and made fun of the guys who star in them. We drank a LOT on Christmas Eve and both spent Christmas with a wicked hangover. My dad and I ate edibles and I was launched into the stratosphere. I spent New Year’s Eve with Boy from September. We played beer pong, and card games, and he tried to use a coat hangover to pick the lock on the mysterious room that my landlord keeps locked. We spent most of the night kissing, honestly. I was happy to spend the last moments of the year with him.

2021: 

Honestly... at this point... who really knows? 

[eternalknoxy]

FYI, Dr. Gallagher doesn’t take insurance, which is unethical for a medical provider no matter how you slice it.

You’d have to save up the entire cost or get a loan and pay out of pocket and submit claims to be reimbursed by your insurance company later, which is much harder than having the insurance cover it initially and directly.

Also, some people have had very bad experiences with her that were Dr. Gallagher’s fault.

That’s a pretty big claim to make and I won’t be supporting it with any examples because I don’t have permission to share people’s personal experiences here, but if you look on the main top surgery Facebook group you’ll see a number of comments from unhappy patients.

Many people also have concerns about the way she markets herself on social media, especially when it comes to bottom surgery.

She rebrands regular surgical techniques that have been around for many years (like abdominal flap phalloplasty, which she calls Abdophallo or something like that) to make it seem like she invented them or like it’s her own specialized technique that nobody else does.

She has predatory practices of targeting younger trans people with her marketing (TikTok, Instagram, etc) and then doing a bait & switch and talking them into surgical methods that won’t actually meet their needs.

As an example, she does not offer urethral lengthening (so you can stand to pee) with bottom surgery, and I know of people who wanted that procedure and she basically talked them into getting surgery with her anyway and just told them it would be no big deal to get UL later with another surgeon, which is not really true.

It’s possible, sure, but the best way to set you up for success is to have your full bottom surgery plan in place from the start to make sure no tissue that could be used for the urethra is discarded, etc.

She also spreads damaging misinformation about bottom surgery, like that nerve hookup is “mostly a fallacy” and doesn’t actually work, in spite of the fact that there are many, many trans people who have had phalloplasty with nerve hookup and have erotic sensation in their penis as a result.

Again, she says this to market herself, because she is not a microsurgeon and as far as I can tell, does not offer nerve hookup.

Also, she does weird stuff like calling herself The Vagician and referring to her post vaginoplasty patients as Gallagher’s Girls, which feels gross and paternalistic to me.

Everything she does is a marketing ploy. In my opinion, trans people are just dollar signs to her— she is exploiting the community to build some fame and $$ for her business.

Thank you for this information! This is news to me, and honestly a bit upsetting. I'll admit I was drawn in by her marketing, but I appreciate this, because I'll look a bit further to perhaps search for other options.

[zavertigo]

I still don’t really know what to think about this whole situation. I’ve read so many posts and comments from Stays and even tho I’ve seen a lot of Stays that were affected by what Jisung said, accept his apology, my thoughts are still extremely mixed. I’m really glad that he apologized very quickly, it seemed sincere, but in my opinion an apology is just the beginning. I kinda lost trust in him and I need to see what he will do and how he will act after this situation happened. I know that Han seems like a very good person, especially by looking at what he says during his vlives and his current lyrics, but we still don’t know how he is like behind the cameras. I want to keep an open eye on him, because I don’t want to be disappointed again. To be honest, I would have never thought that Han was even capable of doing something like that. It still feels like a fever dream that I'm just gonna wake up from and everything will be normal again. Jisung is or was (I still don’t know) my ult bias, which makes the whole situation worse, because my dumb self wants to make excuses, because it hurts to see your bias being in the wrong, but my morality knows that what he’s done is extremely messed up, even if he was just 13, which isn’t an excuse, because lyrics like that shouldn’t have been made in the first place. It makes me extremely concerned that he wrote such disgusting things at such a young age and I know that people are very quick to just say absolute shit when they are uneducated and immature, but being surrounded by people like that almost my whole life, left a huge scar in me and that’s why I can’t trust anybody too quickly and I want to actually see them grow from their mistakes. This issue is extremely serious to me and the fact that he said the n-word left me absolutely dumbfounded, because I know how offensive it is and even if I will be able to trust him again, that information is never going to leave my head and I don’t know if I will be able to see him the same way I used to. Did he know about the meaning of the word? Looking at the meaning of the whole verse, I think he did. I know that at the age of 13 people are extremely immature and they don't know shit about respect, it still feels wrong that it happened. Also, I know that being 13 in 2013 is completely different from being 13 in 2021, but my brain still doesn't want to let me have this as a reasonable reason to see Han in a better light. It hurts because Jisung was a very important figure to me, my emotional support kpop boy, his voice helped me calm down my panic attacks and he made me feel less alone with my social anxiety, because for the first time in my life I found someone that is going through a similar thing. Now I feel like a piece of safety has been taken away from me and I’m extremely lost. My anxiety because of this situation has jumped out of the roof to the point I needed to take pills and I got absolutely black out drunk last night that I couldn’t even feel my limbs. I took all of the posters and photos of Skz off my walls, I even hided my album and my painting of Felix that I started for my portfolio, because everything Stray Kids related triggers me. I can’t even listen to their music anymore, because it just feels wrong. It kinda feels like I can’t support them anymore, without being judged as a bad person, because people will think that I support racists and being a Jisung stan feels even worse. And deep inside I know that he is not bad person, but it still feels wrong, because Stray Kids have already had racial scandals and it just makes me feel bad. I don’t want to leave the fandom, I found my small family in Stray Kids and Stays and having that so drastically taken away from me hurts. I thought that I finally found my safe space where I can just chill, but no, because something is constantly happening that makes my anxiety go absolute nuts (Jesus, my body is shivering while I’m writing this, because of the nerves). Also, I’m extremely scared that even if this drama cools down, people will still bring it on during fan wars or that it will be constantly reminded with anything Stray Kids related, which is unavoidable. Also the fact that some absolutely disgusting people are sending death threats to Han makes me so unstable, because I know that he struggles with anxiety and I don’t want anything bad happen to him. Yesterday I came across a TikTok video about this situation, I don’t even think that it came from a Stay, but from an Army and one of the comments literally made me cry, because someone said: does anyone know where he was during storming the capitol in the US, and it just made me so grossed out that they compared Han to being a racist trump supporter. And to be honest, Stays are not making this situation any better, the comment section under his apology on Instagram is so messed up: Han we’re proud of you, you don’t need to apologize. GIRL WHAT? He needed to apologize and you guys saying that you are proud of him only by the fact that he apologized doesn’t sit right with me. Twitter is even worse, I heard that white Stays are trying to silence Stays that were affected by what Jisung said and it just makes me sick in the stomach. It’s important to hold him accountable and sweeping this whole thing under the rug isn’t going to make the whole situation disappear. We need to remember to educate people, not cancel them.

I’ve also heard that Jisung already apologized for this, but it just feels a little weird that nothing has been kept, like kpop stans are very quick to save stuff and the fact that there’s no sign of that apology seems a little suspicious to me. 

I still respect Han and probably will continue to watch him grow, but for now I'm planning to step aside from Stray Kids and kpop to just calm down my anxiety and wait for the whole situation to cool down. I still feel that i’m taking all of this way to seriously, because Jisung is a person that I only know because of the internet and wasting my mental health on this isn’t worth it, but that’s just the way I am when I get too attached and someone important to me gets into something controversial.