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Comics read this past week:
the Captain Marvel stories in Whiz Comics (1940) #29-30 and Captain Marvel Adventures (1941) #9-10 and America’s Greatest Comics (1941) #3
I’ve just gone from February 1942 to March 1942. Captain Marvel Adventures #9 referenced Pearl Harbor for what I believe is the first time among Captain Marvel’s stories. It also had a story with awful stereotypical and caricaturized Japanese villains, that ends with Captain Marvel forcing one of them to praise America on the radio. Though another story in it was the first appearance of Professor Edgewise. There’s more of an emphasis on global relations now, with one story being about villains trying to sabotage the relationship between the U.S. and it’s allies, which makes sense as the U.S. has now entered WWII.
the Captain Marvel story in Whiz Comics (1940) #25 and the Captain Marvel Jr. stories in Master Comics (1940) #22-24
I went back in time to revisit Captain Marvel Jr.’s origin issue then continued on to his solo stories. This little batch covers his appearances from October 1941 to January 1942. It was interesting to me how Junior’s first Master Comics story is really him featuring in a Bulletman story, and it’s not until the next issue that he truly has the cover feature. When Mary was first introduced, she immediately took over the cover feature of Wow Comics, with the prior cover feature characters Mr. Scarlet and Pinky briefly appearing at the end of her first story. It’s not until Junior’s next appearance that he gets his job at the newspaper stand, and then the next that we see where he lives. I like this because it comes across as him rebuilding his life after it’s destroyed by Captain Nazi in his first appearance. The villains he faces in these issues aside from Captain Nazi are Dr. Eternity, who turns people into wax figures for ‘eternity’, and Mr. Macabre, a coroner that investigates his own murders as to not actually provide useful information. We see Mr. Macabre kill himself by stabbing himself with one of his own poison darts when he’s caught, which stood out to me. While sometimes villain in Captain Marvel’s stories choose death at the end rather than prison, it’s not that common and usually through something like jumping off a bridge- less graphic and the actual part that kills them happens off-panel. And I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a villain die at the end of a Mary Marvel story. Master Comics #24 is when Freddy’s diary as a framing device is first used, as it concludes the issue. I really like the diary as it provides a look into Freddy’s mind- “Yes, Mr. Macabre died horribly- just as he killed those innocent men, it just shows regardless how shrewd or clever a criminal may think he is- fate always nets out a justice he deserves!”
the Marvel Family stories in World’s Finest Comics #263-270 and #272-282 and Adventure Comics #491-492
Finishing off the E. Nelson Bridwell and Don Newton run from the late 70s to early 80s. I really loved Bridwell’s approach to telling new stories that respectfully built off of the old comics without being too tied down to the Golden Age style. And I overall really liked Newton’s more realistic art for the Marvel Family, but fortunately Mr. Mind did not suffer Tawky Tawny’s fate and was kept cartoonish. Gil Kane drew issue just issue #282 which… I really did not like. There’s a bit in World’s Finest #264 where Billy is unable to transform and he thinks ‘oh no, I can’t stop the bad guys, but my secret weapon can!’ and his secret weapon is literally just Mary. He called her ahead of time. I loved that. Issue #268 and issue #280, the former of which retells the origin of Captain Marvel Jr. and adds more details to his backstory, laying the seeds for the reveal in the latter that Kid Eternity is his long-lost brother, are highlights. Kid Eternity really shined well under Don Newton’s pencilling, and the way the boys’ histories were intertwined was lovely. After this, Kid was kept as a part of the main cast, which was sweet. I also really liked how Kid Eternity was portrayed as secretly helping the Marvel Family behind the scenes in issues #277-279. Issue #272 is the first appearance of Chain Lightning, who Jerry Ordway would later use as a recurring villain in The Power of Shazam! (1995). Though Pre-Crisis she’s a Mary Marvel villain, and Post-Crisis she’s more closely associated with Captain Marvel Jr. Anyway, fun batch of issues! Would probably recommend the whole E. Nelson Bridwell and Don Newton run to new fans who are interested in checking out the Pre-Crisis Marvel Family, even though I do like a lot of the earlier Shazam! (1972) ongoing myself, because I think it would have the easiest appeal to people that are inexperienced with Golden Age comics.
The Incredible Hulk (1968) #130-141 and The Sub-Mariner (1968) #34-35 and The Avengers (1963) #88 and Fantastic Four (1961) #111-113
I’ve gone from June 1970 to May 1971. I believe Roy Thomas wrote everything but the non-The Incredible Hulk issues, same with Herb Trimpe on art. In issue #130 there’s the first appearance of Jim Wilson, a young poor Black orphan who the Hulk befriends. At the time, Bruce and the Hulk were split up in separate bodies, and the Hulk tries to enlist Jim’s help in killing Bruce, but Jim can’t go through with it once he meets Bruce and so betrays the Hulk to the army. Though it seems that the Hulk just sort of forgets about that once he later sees Jim try to help him and get hurt in the process, he’s very protective of Jim there. General Ross points out that the Hulk has a habit of trusting kids, first with Rick Jones and then with Jim. What I like about Jim is that he meets the Hulk first and is sympathetic to him before ever knowing Bruce at all, whereas I think Betty and Rick, who did know Bruce first, just sort of inherently care about Bruce more. Also, I’d never heard of Jim Wilson before reading these issues so… I am sorta expecting him to die at some point. On the thread of Hulk and children, I believe they were really just intended at the time as damsels in distress for the protagonist to help, the Hulk also has a pattern of protecting women, which I think fits well with his later established backstory of having grown up in a family with domestic violence. I think issue #131 is when Bruce was first given the full name Robert Bruce Banner, which I know was to explain an earlier error where he was called “Bob Banner”. Last round-up I noted the first instance of the Hulk killing someone, in which he threw Namor who hit a fall which fell over and crushed a person, though the Hulk never knew about that. In issue #134 the Hulk kills a bad guy when he destroys the evil war machine that he was operating and this time does learn about it after the fact, though the Hulk then says that he didn’t mean to kill him. The Sub-Mariner issues in this batch are a team-up between the Hulk, Namor, and the Silver Surfer, but unfortunately it does not end with them all as friends. Issue #140 is the first appearance of Jarella, a queen of a microscopic world that the Hulk briefly visits when he is shrunk down. The the Hulk being shrunk down was first built up in the Avengers issue, so it has that sort of justification, but the story of Hulk in the microscopic world still seem very random to me. The Hulk saves her kingdom, and she intends to get married to him, but he can’t understand her language, so she has her sorcerers magically teach him, which puts Bruce in control of the Hulk’s body, though that doesn’t last beyond them being forced out of the microscopic world by the end of the issue. The justification for Bruce dating Jarella is that he didn’t think he’d even become regular-sized again, so he didn’t think he’d ever see Betty again. While it’s technically Bruce in the Hulk’s body that Jarella was actually dating in this issue, the Hulk is the ones who pines after her in #141. Issue #141 is the first appearance of Doc Samson. He is portrayed as what other characters described as “cold, clinical” and what he himself describes as merely maintaining “scientific objectivity”. I think that this issue may exemplify a drawback with serialized comics from this era, where if the intention is to change the status quo of the series, you possibly can’t do a long drawn out story to justify it. This issue reads to me as though the end goal was to have Betty end up in a relationship with the new character Samson, and in order to get there in just one issue both Bruce and Betty’s established characterizations had to be disregarded, which has annoyed me deeply. I did like that the Hulk says that he was locked away in some dark place and that he wasn’t portrayed at not existing when Bruce was “cured”.
#it's embarrassing that this is literally just Marvel Family and Hulk comics#this will I Will Be Branching Out guys#comics read this past week#my posts
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“So let’s circle back to my old favourite punching bag: Age Of Ultron. Specifically the bit where Quicksilver dies. See, Age Of Ultron spends basically the whole movie trying to convince us that Hawkeye's going to die. He gets injured early on, sarcastically announces that he's going to live forever, and we learn he's got a secret family with a loving pregnant wife and two adorable kids and he stares at a picture of them before heading into the final battle. Then, when he runs into danger to rescue a kid and gets attacked by a gunship, Quicksilver zips in behind a car, gets riddled with bullets, says "you didn't see that coming,” and dies.
Couple of problems, and by a couple I mean... WOW.
So, category one, "the twist makes no sense." The movie shows us that Quicksilver is fast as Hell. I have NO trouble believing he could get Hawkeye to safety. But I do have trouble believing he couldn't ALSO get himself to safety. Like, did he... Carry Hawkeye most of the way to the car and then push him while he was still in the open? That seems kind of unsafe at those speeds. It makes more sense that he carried him behind the car, but then why was Quicksilver still out in the open to get shot? The movie doesn't convince me that Quicksilver had to die, and in fact gives me reason to believe he's absolutely fast enough to NOT die in this specific situation. We've seen what bullets look like to him! And it's pretty embarrassing for him to go out like a punk when barely a year earlier Days Of Future Past showcased exactly what a speedster like Quicksilver was capable of. Not a great look.
Category two, "the twist isn't as clever as it thinks it is." When your plot twist looks directly into the camera and cheekily says "you didn't say that coming,” please just... Stop. And maybe fire your writers. More importantly, I did see it coming and so did a lot of people. See, when you give us a lot of really obvious death flags on an important character but then introduce a bunch of disposable new characters, it's not hard to assume that you're faking us out. Vision and Wanda are famous for their relationship in the comics so they were both out of the death running, which just leaves us with Quicksilver, who's arcs are mostly centred in things like Magneto and the X-Men, AKA stuff Marvel doesn't have the rights to. Yeah, it wasn't hard to see that one coming.
Category three, "the twist is less interesting than not having the twist." I want you to picture for a moment, a world where Quicksilver existed for the events of Civil War, Infinity War and Endgame. He'd already started outgrowing his angry, jaded personality and had begun recognising the Avengers as heroes, seeing them do their absolute damndest to save Sokovia from a problem he indirectly helped cause. He started off hating Tony but changed his mind to side with him instead, recognising that all Tony wanted to do was fix the problems he caused. So, if Quicksilver survives Age Of Ultron he becomes an Avenger, most likely as fiercely loyal to them as he was to Ultron, just in time for them to tear themselves apart in Civil War. Say he sides with Tony, seeing the accords as just another step in Tony's journey away from being a weapons dealer he hated. It puts him in opposition with his sister, the first time they've really fought, and would be cool to see them fight! Even if it... Probably wouldn't last very long.
Say he survives the snap in Infinity War, the first time he's separated from his sister. The way they played out Endgame, during those five years there were almost no active supers on the planet. Thor was getting drunk and Hulk was getting therapy, but I don't see Quicksilver taking armageddon lying down. He could be doing his damnedest to keep the peace Flash-style, maybe even clashing with Hawkeye's one man vigilante crusade, a narrative foil situation, each of them responding to the loss of their family in very different ways. Maybe he's doing for Earth what Captain Marvel is doing for the rest of the galaxy, desperately running around keeping things working while the rest of the team searches for a real solution because he's the only one with the powers to do it. Then Wanda comes back after the snap and suddenly there's a five year age difference between these twins. Wanda's still mourning Vision, Pietro's just happy she's alive, and- My God! The emotional baggage they could unpack there. There is SO much potential here, but Age Of Ultron wanted a death and Pietro was available so... Sucks to be him. Bad twist.
Category four, "the twist has no meaningful impact." You guys notice nobody liked Quicksilver? Literally nobody but Wanda. And his death just made her kill Ultron-bots slightly faster than she already was. Quicksilver dies, Hawkeye lives, the cast expands by two instead of three, nobody mourns, nobody gets a funeral, nobody cares. Hawkeye grimaces sadly for a couple of minutes and then everyone puts on their Dark Serious Pants for Civil War. (And I'm pretty sure they don't even mention him in Civil War.)”
-Red from Overly Sarcastic Productions on “Why The Quicksilver Twist In AOU Is Poorly Written.” (Trope Talk: Plot Twists)
#quicksilver#marvel#mcu#pietro maximoff#age of ultron#infinity war#endgame#avengers age of ultron#avengers: age of ultron#avengers infinity war#avengers: infinity war#avengers endgame#avengers: endgame#adore her quicksiover timeline its canon to me#overly sarcastic productions#osp
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If given the chance, how would you rewrite the MCU?
Anon. Anon. Anon.
How wouldn’t I?
I mean - okay, there’s a lot you have to keep the same just for the sake of like, continuity, clarity, and keeping the bones there.
I’d probably keep all the original movies in Phase 1 as they are with only minor tweaks. I’d fix the mess that was Iron Man 2. I’d give Black Widow and Hawkeye a movie of their own to establish their characters. Hmm, I can see that coming after the first Avengers, possibly.
The first Avengers film though, that’s where I would make the first major changes.
Loki’s characterization is a mess and not properly explained in canon. I’d put him more obviously under Thanos’s thumb. I’d fix Cap’s messed up characterization. I wouldn’t have Thor show up when he does because, hey - bifrost issues. We’d see him and Heimdall from Asgard trying to work on that problem and let them find a cogent way to get Thor to earth. So, he’d show up for the final battle and to take Loki home. He’d be the ace in the hole that helps allow the Avengers to assemble and overtake Loki.
Okay, so fix Iron Man 2. I can barely remember it but I know it needs fixing.
Cap 2 I’d leave intact. I might give Hulk a follow-up movie tbh, or rather, probably tie him in to the Black Widow and Hawkeye movie that would follow the first Avengers.
Also put more female heroes front and centre earlier on. And especially WoC.
Big issues arise by the time we get to Age of Ultron. Fix that hot mess of a movie.
Hawkeye doesn’t have a family and a farm. That was weird. Erase that shit. Don’t set up a romance between Nat and Bruce. Don’t -
Look, I mean no disrespect to Tony stans -
Don’t make every problem in the MCU something that was inadvertently caused by Tony. Because like every Iron Man movie involves a villain who felt scorned by him, and then AoU was caused by him messing with the Mind Stone (Bruce too, okay, but Bruce isn’t the one with the narrative trend here) and all the villains in the Spider-Man movies, and then there’s how shit played out in Civil War and -
Okay so fix AoU. Have the Mind Stone literally take on a life of it’s own and don’t fucking make it the fault of Tony’s hubris, okay. Make it more accidental and incidental than it was. Don’t make it something that happened overnight from tinkering.
And for the love of god, make it so that Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver did not sign up to be experimented on, but rather keep their comic origins. They’re Jewish Romani PoC. Give them a narrative that’s authentic to those identities.
I also would not fucking kill off Quicksilver, what the honest fuck?
Actually also don’t just make up a random country and code it a given way and then destroy it. I know it’s an MCU movie and therefore actually needs a giant CGI battle at the end, but okay - Age of Ultron. Stretch that shit out. Make it more clever. Show some more subtle and almost… guerilla tactics from the Avengers, taking down Ultron’s armies? Instead of a single battle in a country we don’t know about and haven’t been told to care about from a narrative standpoint, have Ultron go after their friends and families, have them fight smart and mean but no less visually pleasing to watch. The Avengers don’t have the numbers on Ultron’s army, but they can (and do) recruit Wanda and Maximo and they fight their fight using all their resources - not just their fists.
Okay so let’s move on.
iron Man 3 was great, but the whole bit with Pepper being kidnapped? Not that into it, personally. Also not into her getting powers and then getting them taken away. There was a lot to love about that movie, but so many Iron Man movies tease at this idea of Tony wanting to retire, or getting out, and they need to just back off that and let him own his heroism. That movie navigates so much so well so let it be.
Okay -
Thor 2? Don’t fucking kill Thor’s mom. Friga deserves better. Stop motivating male characters by killing women. Let Loki and Thor come together by Friga being injured, by their dad dying, by a desire to bring their mother joy - whatever. Just - don’t kill her. I’m still pissed about how much they take from Thor over time.
I’d keep Cap 2 the same, and the only changes I’d make to GotG would be -
Okay wait actually. There are huge glaring issues with that movie. Gamora is poised to be the hero of these movies and finds herself as the damsel in distress or incapable whenever the narrative needs her to be. I fucking hate it. Let her shine more. Show instead of tell. Let each character develop in their own right rather than dropping some random backstory notes in expository dialogue. Build up to the notion that it’s super weird Quill can hold the Stone and actually like… acknowledge it in the movie. You can keep the story basically the same but fix things with Gamora’s narrative, please please please.
Okay Ant-Man is great. There’s a huge narrative issue within the entire MCU with how they exclude Janet Van-Dyne though, and how she isn’t introduced until now even though she should be a fundamental member of the Avengers. I would almost like, at some point in Phase 1-3, a movie with Janet at the helm, possibly (to keep their timeline intact), her working with Peggy, working with SHIELD, with a young Fury or something, and laying the groundwork for the Avengers. A lot of what Captain Marvel eventually did, but situated fully on earth, and coming much sooner in the MCU itself.
Civil War was a hot mess. They needed to actually explain and detail both sides and the problems with them. It functioned amazing as an introduction to Black Panther and I love it for that, but it wasn’t a Cap movie, not really, and I’m bitter about it. This movie should have focused around the Black Panther, Cap, Bucky narrative, and dropped the whole Civil War with the other Avengers stuff entirely.
Actually - Civil War needs to be either an entirely separate movie on its own or else… drop it. Deal with it differently. That airport fight was an embarrassment. Let the Avengers break down during Cap 3 if you need do, but make it more interpersonal and tense, and less throwing punches and locking each other up. Make it more human, more relatable, because those were the best parts of that whole divide. Make it real for the viewer, for fuck’s sake. Don’t have Tony (seriously what’s with them making him do villainous things and painting them as heroic) blackmail a literal child into a battlezone????
Okay - and Cap issues, they need to either set up Agent 13 aka Sharon Carter as a proper love interest sooner, or else drop that. They drop breadcrumbs of her in a few movies but that’s it. It feels hollow between them by the time they actually kiss. They should either keep their dynamic as “could have been but whoops, nope” or have done more to set them up together in Cap 2.
(Totally honest, total bias here - take out love interests altogether or let Cap be the bi icon that he should be and let him and Falcon hook up in Cap 2. Let the fact that he was in love with Bucky be canon but you don’t need to set them up as a couple. Let it be recognized that they love each other but god there’s too much there, too much mess, they don’t need to be together in the present to acknowledge that history. Either way keep the Bucky and Sam dynamic because it’s amazing).
Doctor Strange - fix the casting. The racism, appropriation - just - wow. Use this as an opportunity to introduce more Asian and East Asian characters and actors into the MCU rather than it being the appropriative mess that it is. Keep the cool visuals though, and the cape. The narrative itself isn’t bad, but spend less time establishing this asshole character and more time establishing the side characters and the dynamics between them because those are far more interesting.
GotG 2 - uhhhh… okay what was this? Peter Quill is Ego’s son, but how does that really advance anything in the MCU or about the character or … ? Just fix the whole goddamn plot, I don’t even know. Tie this shit into Thanos way better. Introduce that better. Make this movie more interesting, make Nebula the Big Bad of it, honestly. Dive into the other members of the Guardians and give them their backstories and plots that they deserve. Is this the Guardians or the Peter Quill show? I don’t know I just - just fix this, okay?
Thor Ragnarok and Black Panther need no fixing. Remember that in this version of the MCU, Thor’s mom is alive, so that’s there. She’s still on Asgard and with Heimdall and being awesome, and we get some awesome interactions between her and Hel because we fucking deserve that, okay? Also Valkyrie’s bi scenes aren’t deleted (fuck you, Marvel execs). I would love love love for Killmonger not to die at the end of Black Panther, personally, but I wouldn’t change much more than that.
Oh wait I forgot - with the whole Bucky in Wakanda thing? Fucking take that out or do something narratively with it. It’s the weirdest brushed-aside thing that serves no genuine narrative purpose. I’d err on the side of taking it out entirely, personally.
Infinity War is fine, leave it as-is more or less, except for -
Okay, so we need textual discussion and canonical pushback against Thanos’s ideals. Because so many people came out of that movie all “oh but he’s got a point - population is expanding blah blah blah” and it was such fucking bullshit. We needed Gamora to point out why Thanos was fucking wrong - why her people were not actually better off after he killed half of them, thank you very much. We needed Tony to point out “population doesn’t work that way, it’ll bounce back in 50 years - do you plan to keep doing this each time? why not double resources?”. We needed people to tell the audience not just that Thanos was bad, but why he was bad, and that there is no ‘random’ and he needed to be a monster and selfish and it needed to be way more clear that his was not a sublime ideal of a detached idol, but rather the ravings of an entitled man whose gone unhinged and hateful.
Okay. So that. And don’t make the final battle just decimate Wakandan soil and its army? Why do they have to fight Earth’s battles for it? Let that be a joint effort and not just a Wakandan one, jfc. I get that you had the set ready and all, but no, don’t treat Wakanda like that, it deserves better. If ever there was a time to blow the budget on a final fight, this would be it, so freaking do it and have that battle be in space and over earth and at many different locations but then zeroing in on where Vision is (which itself can be in Wakanda because it’s safest but yeah).
And honestly I wouldn’t make it so Gamora died, like wtf. I hated that. I hated the whole bit with the Soul Stone. I could swallow it if what they did was have Gamora turn into the Soul Stone - so that she could, as the stone, set up a sabotage to Thanos.
Okay - more on that. Let’s talk about Endgame. Endgame needs so much goddamn fixing. Holy fuck does it need fixing.
Okay - okay where do I even start. I make myself mad whenever I think about it.
Five years? Five fucking years? What the fuck is wrong with you, Russo brothers? Time travel? What - just -
I hated that movie with a passion.
Okay - so the Snap happened. Pick up right after. Give us the fucking shock and horror. Give us the attempt to regroup, just quick, the intense emotions - people punching walls. Show us snippets of the world quickly, news casts etc. This is a horror, let it be one. Own the shit that you did.
Give us a time skip-montage. A month out, the pressure is on to the Avengers to fix this. The Avengers are all traumatized. Clint doesn’t have a family in this version, and doesn’t go all terminator. Thor - he wouldn’t have as much time to spiral but let him get there, let him be unwell, unkempt, let him own his suffering because goddamn he’s lost so much. (oh I forgot, I actually wouldn’t kill Loki and Heimdall because wtf wtf I hate you Infinity War, but let’s move on - )
Five months - people are losing hope. There are therapy sessions. Cap is a mess. Everyone blames themselves. Tony “if I’d only made the call to Cap sooner, we could have worked together” (also he and Nebula make it to earth fast, none of that lost in space and starving stuff), Cap “if only I hadn’t been so arrogant as to not trade lives”, Thor “if only I’d gone for the head”, etc etc. let it be clear that it’s not just Thor’s fault and not just Peter Quill’s fault - that all of those in charge of decision making fucked up.
Ant-Man isn’t freaking saved by a rat, thank you. He comes out of the quantum realm on his own merits, some safeguard, only to realize shit’s messed up. He and Janet work together with the remaining Avengers. maybe Janet saved him from the quantum realm this time? what a nice parallel to him saving her. anyway, they use the quantum realm to find thanos. Or - fuck that, they use Nebula to find Thanos. She knows shit. What they use the quantum realm for is to realize that all the souls that were lost in the snap aren’t ‘dead’ dead, they’re in stasis. They’re in a liminal space - they’re in the Soul Stone. Because Gamora is the stone and she sucked up all those lives and is holding them, holding for dear life but she can’t hold on forever (make sure the stakes are high, they feel real, the clock is ticking). Captain Marvel teams up with them of course. they track down thanos.
“but Phyn” you say, “thanos still has all the stones? how can they defeat him?” great question! difficult to answer! i’m not sure! with the power of love!
okay but really - they have an awesome team. they need to work smarter than the enemy, not harder. they can take out thanos’s generals. they can use nebula to slip past defenses. if loki were alive, which he should be, they can use his magic. if friga were alive, which she should be, they can use hers. if heimdall were alive, which he should be, they can use his eyes. they can use the magic of all the magicians in the doctor strange films. they have captain marvel.
but they will never win on might alone, or magic alone - not against a full complement of infinity stones. not unless -
have you seen Avatar: The Last Airbender? if so - you know how Azula gets a little unhinged toward the end? she’s just a kid, i feel for her, but the point for here is that she does enough shit and gets what she (thinks she) wants and it takes a devastating toll on her. using the stones, clearing half the life in the universe - that took a toll on thanos. it was a terrible choice. he’s in denial, in self-deception about that. he’s coming apart at the seams. he’s not all chill about it, he’s spiralling hard. he lost half his army too, after all. and life doesn’t seem improved. he can hear the cries of the souls locked in the soul stone (not that he realizes what he’s hearing nor acknowledges it) and it’s like the beating heart under the floorboards. his crimes have left scars. he’s not well. physically, from the toll of the Snap, nor mentally, from everything else it took out of him.
let gamora save the fucking day. let her and Vision and their stones - hell, let Loki (maybe he’s fused with the tesseract and maybe thanos did kill him to acheive that, or maybe something else) - let the stones respond to people. to quill. to freaking Jane Goddamn Foster. let the stones’ connections to life undermine and corrupt thanos and his connection to death.
is it cheesy? maybe. is it better than time travel bullshit? definitely. because it uplifts. because it draws from heroes in all the movies, even unlikely ones. people who’ve touched the stones, held them, melded with them. it assumes that the stones aren’t static entities, that they are just as alive as us, in a way we can’t comprehend, and so much more. they resonate with the universe, and thanos has done something that scarred the universe. let this be rectified, not through the actions of a man’s sacrifice, but through the actions, big and small, of a ton of people, of unlikely heroes, of those who suffered personally at his hand, at the hands of the stones - let it be the will of half the goddamn universe to see thanos fall.
let the snap-back happen when thanos loses control over the stones (he’s been holding on tight this whole time, can’t let it slip, the stones have a ‘mind’ of their onw). let it happen again right before the final battle against his armies. let him not have the power to immediately re-snap, hand burnt by the force of the snap-back, and let thor take off his fucking arm this time. let nebula take off his fucking head. let there be a huge final battle with everyone alive and ready to go down swinging once again.
and okay, i’m okay with tony dying. i’d be game for him to die by destroying the stones, tbh - taking them out of existence henceforth so they can never be used like this again, even though it kills him. i think that would honestly be a really fulfilling conclusion to the narrative set up in the first Iron Man film - the reformed arms dealer destroying the ultimate weapons in the universe.
by this way - there’s been 5-8 months or something like that, not 5 years, but why not have Pepper be pregnant, why not have a little child who’ll get to live on after he’s gone, even if that kid won’t remember him? she’ll get to live in a universe that exists and is safe because of him.
i’d be okay with cap dying in this movie too (much better than him going back and stealing peggy’s life from her by changing her history, wtf wtf wtf). i refuse to accept nat dying in clint’s place, that was bullshit and totally not necessary in this version. gamora is also back, not from the past but from the present, and with her sister again. this time nebula got to save gamora, isn’t there some poetic justice in that?
okay okay that’s all that. whew.
I forgot about Captain Marvel. It was decent, I liked it. It wasn’t my favorite in the sense that it was laid out odd when it came to falling in love with this character. Like I wouldn’t change much of the plot but I’d change the… storytelling? The emotions used to connect us to Carol. Give us more of her past from the start, before you introduce her. Give us her childhood. And let Maria be her girlfriend, fucking please.
Okay - now we’re at Far From Home. I didn’t mention Homecoming before but the problem with both of these movies is one I mentioned earlier - that the villains are byproducts of choices made by Tony Stark. That’s a problem. There’s just so many goddamn movies in which that’s the ultimate villain and it fucks with Tony’s characterization so much. How am I supposed to love Tony (which I want to?) when he’s got satellites with drones that can attack anyone he names, tech not that unlike the tech Hydra was aiming to make. Sure, he won’t use it the same, but why the fuck does he have it? Giving it to Peter is all well and good, but - they have interacted maybe a grand total of 5 times?
The relationship between Peter and Tony is cute but if you stop for a second, it’s annoying as hell that it’s built up to what it is. Peter gets recruited by Tony, mostly works with Happy and not Tony in Civil War, and then gets ignored by Tony for months and months on end, then Tony shows up and scolds him and takes his suit, and then invites him to be an Avenger when he doesn’t fuck up, and then they go off to space and Peter dies, and then everyone comes back to life and Tony dies. Why the fuck would Tony entrust Peter with this Edith system that allows him to kill anyone on Earth? Actually, fuck that, entrust is the wrong word - why the fuck would Tony put that weight on the shoulders of a child?
Far From Home is great but Tony’s post-mortem role in it makes almost no sense. Let Peter’s movies be about Peter and not about the shadow and then the ghost of Tony Stark. Please. I love Tony, I do, but if you stop and think for one second, you have to jump mental hoops to absolve the shit Tony does in Peter’s movies, and for many of us, it leaves a really awful taste in our mouths.
anyway - i probably missed stuff. that’s just what’s currently top of mind. #whoops
#i spent too many hours of my life on this#marvel#mcu#walrus#you said you wanted to read this when i got around to answering...#here you go#marvel critical#mcu critical#ask to tag#comics etc#Anonymous#long post#long post for ts
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A Concept:
mcu tony & comics clark kent (aka, the smol squishy human with one of the most powerful superheros of all time)
(as transcribed and revised from my twitter thread. because i need more people to fall into this rairpair hell with me. handwaves the different universe and for the sake of this concept they’re single)
Clark Kent is deeply amused but also very impressed by this small human with a bad heart who sticks himself into a tin can and flies around at mach 5 speeds and keeps challenging him in unspoken races when flying despite knowing he’ll lose every time.
Lets be real, mcu Tony is not a strong young healthy supersoldier or even someone who had the rigorous training lifstyle. He’s got tonys of health problems such as the injured heart, reduced lung capacity, liver problems from drinking, constant stress on his body from flying around in aforementioned tin can. And Tony’s mental state isnt that great either
But that doesn’t stop Tony one bit, and Clark sees everything he loves about humanity in Tony- brave, resilient, generous, stubborn, a bit annoying, and so so heroic.
Clark can literally see tony’s weak heart, the lung capacity, the fake sternum (or arc reactor depends on what you prefer) the negative effects of constant G force on a body, and despite the armor’s protections the metal can’t absorb all the shock and sometimes does more damage than most people would think. His first instinct is to wrap him in blankets and keep him safe.....but he knows a man like Tony Stark would hate the coddling.
Still that doesn't stop Clark from feeling protective, he winces every time Tony takes a hit because he can hear the joints and bones creaking and fracturing.
Meanwhile Tony has mixed feelings towards Superman. From a scientific standpoint, he’s fascinating, even moreso than Thor, stronger than Hulk, but he’s also scared of him, because Clark is someone who can see all of Tony’s weakness and imperfections (the physical ones at least), and when Clark starts taking a more vested interest in him the self conscious fear increases. He catches Clark’s worried glances, a look he interprets as judgement of being not good enough. He builds lead plating into most of his armors, he tries to avoid Clark as much as he can (especially one on one interactions. It doesn’t matter Clark says he doesn’t use his powers unless it’s necessary, Tony feels like Clark’s listening to his heart racing, the tightness in his shoulders, the fear of being seen as a fake a fraud)
Clark thinks Tony’s afraid of him and his powers, it stings a little but its much like Batman, the scientific and genius would have reason to fear him so he’s super gentle around Tony. Tony hates that even more, being treated with kiddie gloves, so he avoids Clark even more. Clark’s confused, wonders if its jealousy, in certain ways he reminds him of Bruce Wayne but this is a whole new level if it is jealousy (and that doesn't quite add up, Tony may talk about his ego but end of day Tony’s not jealous, he’s curious- he marvels in new delights and bigger better shinier things. Clark has no idea its Tony’s crippling self esteem thats the issue)
One day Clark sees Tony doing some extreme remodeling of the workshop & he offers his help. Tony tries waving him away but a section of the wall nearly falls on Tony much to Clarks distress and Tony concedes Clark could be useful with the super speed strength flight and how to handle a hammer being a farmboy and all.
Clark’s never been in Tony’s workshop before, only seem glimpses. Seeing the holograms the half build machines, its all very impressive, different from kryptonian and other alien tech but still brilliant and intriguing like the scifi movies he used to enjoy as a kid. Tony’s cautious and guarded at first, but his workshop is his safe space and his domain so he lets loose bit by bit. Plus Clark is very helpful and replastering the walls in a fraction of a time it wouldve normally taken him.
After tony’s done with all the security upgrades, he’s absorbed in his many projects again and barely notices Clark’s presence at this point. He’s flicking thru 3D holomodels making notes, and Clark doesn’t use his powers on his friends but hey he’s curious and takes a peek at the genius’s brain and he’s instantly blinded and captivated, its like looking at a thousand suns, every neuron firing at top speeds in multiple directions, processing several threads of thoughts at once (and I’m borrowing this aspect from 616 tony) yes Tony’s a genius but he’s also invaluable precisely because no one can multitask at such a high capacity level of genius at once. Clark’ has to look away because Tony’s mind is so bright and burns so hard he’s literally seeing stars in his eyes.
Tony sees him rubbing his eyes and Clark tells him its just dust and Tony’s skeptical can Superman even be affected by little things like dust. Tony hesitantly offers him dinner since Clark was so helpful and Tony’s not a bad host. Clark says yes quickly and really hopes he didn’t sound too overeager, he really wants to get to know Tony better. He always knew Tony was a genius but was always so overtaken by how small Tony was especially compared to the younger healthier heroes. Even Batman’s a genius but in a different way, he’s analytical whereas Tony’s genius is something else entirely, the kind of genius that can create elements, destroy and rebuild worlds, create life but a whole new kind.
Clark realizes how wrong he was, Tony isn’t weak at all, Tony’s mind is his true power and it’s something powerful, fearful, wonderful, breathtaking (clark wonders what it’d be like to have that kind of focus directed at him and gets a bit hot under the collar)
They talk about various things over dinner, and Clark keeps peeking at Tony’s brain, its rude and kind of(?) a violation of privacy but it’s so pretty and Tony’s expressing everything that he’s seeing so yea he keeps looking. They get into topics of parents and he doesn’t need any superpowers to see how tony shutters up, his bright galaxy of a mind dimming at the bad topic. Clark apologizes, Tony brushes it off and moves to another topic, but Clark can see how his mind isn't as vibrant as it was before and it kills him a little, he wants Tony to be joyful and happy not..this. He cleans up dinner, thanks Tony, goes home happy to see Tony’s warmed up to him a lot.
Only after does Clark get home does he realize he may have a bit of a crush on Tony and stares at the ceiling all night. Tony thinks about Clark that night too, while working on Avengers upgrades. Clark’s polite, kind, sassy under that goody two shoes exterior, and a very attentive listener (a little bit too attentive? Clark looked a bit like a man in a desert staring at an oasis) Tony likes attention but that kind of naked adoration directed for hours from several hundred pounds of pure muscle and goodness is a bit overwhelming. He’s cut from the same cloth of Mr. Perfect like Steve but minus the sanctimonious aspect or the weird family ties with his dad so Clarks taken off Tony’s shit list.
Clark hovers again when Tony’s Iron Man, but holds himself back and lets Tony handle things. He sees how tony reacts badly when he tries to step in and help, Tony goes on building sprees and overworks himself, all an effort to show he’s valuable and not a liability while giving Clark the cold shoulder. Clark wonders if it really is just ego but despite appearances Tony’s not that shallow.
One December night Tony gets wasted in his lab and Clark can’t stay away, Tony’s BAC is dangerously high. Tony doesn’t take his presence well, shouts at him to leave, hurls insults and bottles, but Clark just walks forward slowly, approaching Tony like you would a spooked animal, until he’s close enough and asks Tony if he’d like a hug.
Tony’s stunned into silence at this offer, and he slowly leans forward into Clark’s chest. Clark can hear his heartbeat light and fast like a bird, as tony slowly falls apart in Clark’s arms. He’s drunk off his ass and telling Clark everything, his parents death anniversary, his dad who never loved him his mom who he loved so much, and Obie. Clark only happens to hear all of this because of his super hearing. Tony mostly mumbles and slurs his way through and he talks about his pathological fear of failure, not being good enough, and only being good for his usefulness otherwise he may as well be dead.
Clark can’t believe the kind of self loathing tony was hiding, the fact his dad instilled that kind of though into his brilliant son, the loss and betrayal Tony’s faced, he’s Superman and he can’t do a damn thing, cept hold Tony, doesn’t want to say much in fear of saying the wrong thing. He carries Tony to his bed and tucks him in on his side, fetches painkillers and water for when tony wakes. He should leave but he can’t he sits at the edge of the bed and stares at the face of a man drowning in something dark and unseeable, but getting up anyways and changing the world every single day. He’s gone before Tony’s awake, calls his Ma because he doesn’t know how to handle this, tells her about his “friend” (she exposes his big fat crush for him within a minute into the conversation), she gives him advice, and Clark flies back to the tower with groceries.
Tonys awake by the time he crawls out of bed, Clarks in the kitchen cooking breakfast (closer to lunch really) and Tony autopilot drinks the coffee and eats the food laid out in front of him until he semi-realizes what happened last night. things get awkward and Tony’s humiliated and embarrassed and Clark’s a big flustered baby who doesn’t know how to handle this situation either, so Tony pulls a retreat, gets out of his chair, thanks Clark for breakfast and walks out.
Clark is lost, he doesn’t want to lose the closeness he gained but it’s not like they can pretend it never happened. End of the day though he wants Tony to be happy and it doesn’t matter if Clarks part of the equation or not so he wants to let Tony choose.
Meanwhile Tony’s in full panic mode, he broke down in front of SUPERMAN the guy who treats him like he’s fragile, there’s no fixing this and Tony goes into burn all bridges mode, throwing himself into work and avoiding Clark at all costs.
Clark didn’t expect the sever all ties outcome (in retrospect its very tony) and it hurts a lot more than expected. He leaves a video message for Tony and flies off to the moon to pine.
Tony doesn’t touch the video for 3 days until curiosity wins over the part of his brain thats screaming to abort and tells JARVIS to pull it up. It’s Clark talking to Tony, telling him (almost) everything, how much he respect his strength, bravery, generosity, how he never met anyone quite like him in all the galaxies and dimensions he’s been to, and he’d like the privilege of being Tony’s friend again, but if Tony doesn’t want him around he’ll respect that too.
Tony laughs because he’s... astonished (”JARVIS was that for real?” “Yes sir, I believe he was quite sincere” “The most powerful man in the world and he sends me a friendship letter via video”) Of course Clark can hear this and he’s a bit miffed but Tony’s laughing and not maliciously either so it’s ok. Tony says out loud “Hey big guy, I know you can hear me wanna come talk?” Clarks off the moon and in Tony’s lab in minutes, and Tony’s chuckling as he pats moondust off him. Tony tells Clark he’s a narcissistic fuckup and most people don’t stick around for long, but feel free to stay as long as he’d like and Clark’s ready to prove him wrong because Tony is just an amazing individual- Clark may protect humanity but Tony leads it to new heights & he’s humbled that he can be by Tony’s side to see that happen.
so yea, tony stark and clark kent.
#superiron#uhh#clarktony#is this the tag#im on this tiny raft and i am dying#also starting to get ideas of tony learning KRYPTONIAN and i am SWEATING#my posts#krublogs
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Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... GLOW (S01E08) Maybe It's All the Disco Airdate: June 23, 2017 Ratings: @netflix Original/Privatized Ratings Score: 9.75/10 TVTime/FB/Twitter/Tumblr/Path: @SpotlightSaga **********SPOILERS BELOW********** I don't like to start reviews or articles at the end of an episode and backtrack... And if we did that here it would start everything on such a dark tone, which would make it extremely hard to recover. One of our biggest priorities is to match what we write in these articles to the emotion that is evoked from the screen. 'GLOW's 'Maybe It's All the Disco' literally bounces through a myriad of emotions, each one felt with an incredible intensity. We just got through the last episode literally fawning over the writing of Rachel Shukert, even nominating her work as a writer for our end of the year Spotlight Saga Awards that we'll be polling across TV Time and other social media outlets (obviously TV Timers' votes will weigh the heaviest 💯)... But here we are again, just one episode later, doing the exact same type of fawning over 'GLOW's 8th episodic entry, not only with Award Worthy writing by Nick Jones, who made our list last year with OITNB S4E07 'People Persons', but also powerhouse, natural director Sian Heder, who literally captures everything that Jones has written and is able to find the perfect way to funnel each emotional bullet-point from scene to scene... Leaving the audience feeling the exact way that Ruth must feel as the credits role. It's brilliant. It's 'GLOW' showing that it's only going to continue to get better & better... And for that, Nick Jones is the first writer to make back to back yearly SS nominations for Achievement in Writing and Sian Heder gets her first Achievement in Direction nom from us, directly after an episode of 'GLOW' that we didn't think could be topped. Tanya Sterling, don't think we've forgotten about you. You're editing here was a marvel. As far as 30-Minute 'dramadies' this year, 'GLOW' and FX's 'Baskets' are taking the cake. Each series has done phenomenal work capturing as much of these characters and their growth, both in life's often tricky timeline and existentially... As well as giving us solid story arcs to sink our teeth into, all in such a short period of time & low number of episodes. See, Big 4 Networks, you don't need 22-25 episodes to make such a monstrous impact! Netflix and FX are literally schooling those fools! The camaraderie of these women is really taking center stage. At first it was like a hodgepodge of diverse misfits, none of which complimented the other in any way. Now, here they are breaking Sheila the She-Wolf (Gayle Rankin) out of her shell by celebrating the birthday that Sheila never wanted to celebrate in the first place. All of this is spearheaded by Jenny aka Fortune Cookie (Ellen Wong), who nabs a huge chunk of the episode's spotlight by taking us through her family's past in Cambodia 🇰🇭, and showing us exactly why she's so desperate to hang on to any part of American Culture that she can, having been deprived of things like birthday parties herself. It all suddenly makes sense, and it was so heartwarming to see just how much Sheila has warmed up to Ruth (Alison Brie), even looking to her for a 'way out' and clutching to her for dear life at the beginning of their amazing scene in the roller rink. Sheila has been so 'stone-faced' and comically dry, that seeing the women ban together and make her feel important, putting a smile on her face, even getting her on roller skates and participating with everyone was one of my favorite scenes of the series so far. Rankin is very close to clinching a piece of my heart forever as Sheila in this series. Obviously, not all is peachy and smiles & skates. Rhonda (Kate Nash) and Sam (Marc Maron) are on the fritz. Sam is embarrassed that their relationship has gone public and in true Sam Sylvia fashion, he treats her like shit after a friendly conversation about Bond films... One that goes a little awry when 'A View to Kill' & the pigeon double take in 'Moonraker' come up. Sam even makes her wait outside so they don't walk in together, even tho all of them are already very much in the know that they are screwing. The cherry on top is when Sam then scolds her for coming in late. He plans on breaking up with her, and goes out venue shopping with Ruth when Bash (Chris Lowell) goes MIA, for reasons only Carmen (Britney Young) knows at the time... Leave it to Cherry Bang (Sydelle Noel) to pull it out of her, though. Should be interesting to see just how she uses this newfound information in the very near future. As Ruth tags along with Sam, while he venue shops with the likes of a space owner played by Brooke Hogan (yes, the infamous daughter of Hulk Hogan and star of the VH1 show that you probably don't remember), Rhonda is doing exactly what her character Brittanica would do... Think things through. This gives her the home court advantage and she breaks up with him upon his return to the hotel. Sam is left stunned & ironically vulnerable as she breaks it off while he's completely nude, dropping the bombshell that she DID actually like him. Upon hearing this news Sam attempts to salvage the relationship, but Rhonda is ahead of him... And she's right. Sam doesn't like Rhonda, not the way she deserves to be liked & loved, anyway. His sudden change of heart is brought on by the terrifying idea of infinite loneliness, so shouting out that he had 'period sex' with her, in an attempt to prove some sort of love or loyalty, simply won't cut it. The great part about seeing all this asshole-ish behavior from Sam through most of the episode? It doesn't last. Sam IS an asshole, don't get me wrong, but that doesn't mean he's a completely unlikable one. One of the biggest 'drama bombs' of the season is dropped when Ruth discovers she's pregnant after literally setting up a chemistry set in her bathroom just to find out, positive or negative. It's a gut-wrenching moment, an impossible one. We've seen Ruth slowly mend things with her former best friend and main event opponent, Debbie (Betty Gilpin)... As we have also seen Debbie patching things up with Mark (Rich Sommer), sort-of anyway, at least making something we could refer to as progress throughout this episode. Imagine destroying all of that and more by adding the extra slap in the face that not only has Ruth slept with Debbie's husband, she's also now carrying his baby. Just as Ruth accompanied Sam on his venue hunt, Sam accompanies Ruth on a mission so distressing & so polarizing among the human race that we can only look at Sam in a different light. Ruth is terrified, but very sure... She's having an abortion. Sam adds some much needed levity to the situation and improvises as Ruth's husband at the abortion clinic. In turn, Ruth faces her traumatic experience and swivels back & gives Sam a 'Zoya The Destroya' line as she heads to the procedural area... "In Soviet Union, abortion is the only thing there is no line for." Her fading smile, sad doe eyes, & nervous laughter provides one of the most poignant & affective scenes in the entire series. She heads back, lays down, assures the doctors, assures herself, and fades into the blue-skied nothingness painted onto a single tile of the clinic's grid, dropped ceiling.
#GLOW#Glow 1x08#Netflix#Sian Heder#Nick Jones#glow netflix#Alison Brie#Betty Gilpin#Sydelle Noel#Britney Young#marc maron#Britt Baron#Kimmy Gatewood#Gayle Rankin#rebekka johnson#Kate Nash#Kia Stevens#Kharma#WWE#Awesome Kong#Jackie Tohn#Ellen Wong#Rich Sommer#Alex Rich#Brooke Hogan#Maybe it's All the Disco#Abortion#Ruth Wilder#Brittanica#Kevin Cage
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CanvasWatches: Avengers: Endgame
Well, I have to admit: the new trailer finally sold me on Detective Pikachu! Yes, the first trailer showed off uncanny valley designs with a suspicious genwunner undercurrent, but the trailer played before Avengers: Endgame showcased more designs that were from later generations and more aesthetically pleasing, and hinted at clever writing from a sincere love of Pokemon. It did the job trailers are meant to do: sold me on seeing it.
Sonic the Hedgehog will be a fun mess. Just need to decide if it’s worth a theater ticket, or just a rent.
Okay, I’ll talk about the MCU now.[1] There have been a couple more films since I last discussed the franchise, so I’ll play catch up, then talk Endgame and update my ranking list.
I have been rewatching the films sporadically in pieces, because my current job is essentially babysitting teenagers at varying emotional stages, so they’re on the TV sometimes. Oddly, haven’t seen anything before The Rift mentioned in the last review. Might try to rectify that, but I also need to catch up on Pixar films.
So, the new MCU films!
(Spoilers for all the MCU films follows)
Ant-Man and the Wasp
It’s good! Ant-Man and his cast are the only Earthbound characters I continue to care about. (Which I’ll get into more later). They did a very tidy job of elevating Hope van Dyne to a title character and advancing her character without being obnoxious about it. I am super in favor of female leads, but not a big fan of neon signs saying “Girl Power!”
The films do a good job of playing with scale, adding a third “Giant Man” stage to the options, and I care about the Lang/Pym/vanDyne family and their struggles. The villain(s) are also fun, playing with a Tracer-esque time displacement element that allows phasing, and making the motives of the bad guys completely sympathetic.
And they didn’t kill anyone. Gold star. I like people not dying.
Comedy’s still strong, and the callbacks to Ant-man were tasteful. I want more.
Captain Marvel
Okay, I know I risks boos here, but…
Good world building, character revelations for Nick Fury, and moving in and out of the cosmic stage and the earth stage (which carry different aesthetics and tones) but…
I’m not big on Captain Marvel as a character. She’s a rash, confident, quippy hero person, which is fine, except we have so many rash, confident, quippy hero people already. She didn’t distinguish herself as a distinct person to me, and it doesn’t help I’m also unclear about what her power set is.
The twist with the Skrulls was nice. I’m familiar with the general Skrull concept, so the twist worked even on those who know about the bad guys already. The 90s were a fun time to see, and I enjoyed everything around Carol Danvers.
It’s just… Captain Marvel felt generic to me.
There’s a chance for development later, but for now… it’s a’ight.
Avengers: Endgame
This one had the actual war in it. They should’ve called this one Infinity Wars. Maybe call the last one Infinity Gauntlet or Thanos Rising or something.
So, Thanos won in the last movie. How to fix that? Find Thanos and take the gems and fix things? Well, Thanos destroyed the Infinity Stones a week ago. That’s lame. Thor beheads him and stomps off.
There’s also a good comic nod when they show his armor hung up as a scarecrow.
So, how long do we all mope?
Five years.
Five years.
And they don’t reverse this time jump, which is going to make the timeline of the films an even larger headache!
And, worse still, we lost Abby Ryder Fortson. Sure, Cassie Lang survives, but she also aged a decade in five years and there’s no comfortable way to tell a story with young Cassie anymore. Which is tragic, because that actress was super on point in both Ant-Man and Ant-Man and the Wasp. She nailed being an adorable little mirror of her father, and it was a great dynamic to give a superhero.
But, nah, Scott Lang was in the Quantum zone for five years, but perceived by him to be five hours, so there’s not even an opening to fit in a film within the five year jump and depict that father daughter dynamic.
I want to like the commitment. Making bold decisions and not reverting to the status quo is something I’m here for. But Ant-Man is owed one more film, and Cassie was important to me. And an older teenager just wouldn’t be able to play the dynamic the same way as a precocious preteen.
But I guess I shouldn’t dwell on the past.
Plot continues, some characters attempt to move on, Black Widow clings to hope, Tony Stark starts a family.
Then Scott comes in to say “Hey, how about time travel?”
And everyone else says “That’s dumb.”
And Tony Stark says “That’s dumb.” But it naggles him, and he figures out how to traverse the quantum realm.
So time travel is solved! Time to get the Infinity Stones from backwards in time.
So we get some nostalgic walks to the past films, including validating The Dark World. Because that was the only time the Reality stone was in play.
Also, they fridge Black Widow.
That’s been a regular problem with the sole female presence of the original Avengers. She was there to support other characters. The buddy-buddy of Hawkeye, Hulk’s confusing love interest (because Betty Ross was… lost in a drawer somewhere between Incredible Hulk and The Avengers, and they’re too embarrassed to admit it), and assisting Cap in Winter Soldier. Besides angst about being an assassin and not being able to have children[2] she never had the space to be a character outside of what she was to others.
And she literally gave up her life for a man.
Maybe I missed something in the dull SHIELD-era stuff, but Black Widow never resonated with me.
So the stones are gathered, placed on an Iron Man gauntlet, and Hulk (now at peace with himself, he’s a half-step between Banner and Hulk) does the reversal snap.
But past Thanos comes in for one last fight.
We get a fun scene where Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor all try to fight him, which even gets to the point where Cap uses Mjolnir,[4] and it’s very good.
But Thanos gets sick of it, and calls down his army.
Which looks bad.
So Dr. Strange teleports in with those who were on Titan.
Then, other mages teleport in with everyone.[5]
And I believe I felt what most people felt during the first The Avengers. Because it was going to be an epic, all-hands fight, but this time there’s a good number of good guys I care about, the antagonistic force has context now, and there’s a clear goal: keep the Gauntlet away from Thanos.
A giant, crowded fight scene, and it was easy to follow the action.
Plus everyone gets a moment sign.
Though, that does bring me to a nitpick: Spider-man asks Captain Marvel, whose arrival destroyed a giant space war ship, who’s going to help her during her turn with the Infinity football. Dumb question, Peter.
But then all the named female characters show up to be like “We’re here to help! Girl Power!”
And it kind of undermined Captain Marvel? Like, she’s massively powerful, but the narrative implying all the women need to band together to help her when the last couple of football passes were men going solo seems demeaning.
But I’m a white guy writing about nerd movies, so whatever.
During this battle I realized something important: the costumes (except Thor and Spider-Man, who had plot reasons) were on point. Everyone looked like their iconic selves. Iron man had a good Red/Gold balance, and the suit was mechanical. Captain America looked like Captain America. Rocket had his jumpsuit and goggles. Captain Marvel had the right jumpsuit and short hair.
They all looked correct. It was great.
I have one last nitpick: Tony Stark did not deserve the Thanos kill.
Yes, they’ve been trying to play up his fear and paranoia of Thanos since the nuke scene from The Avengers.
But Thanos didn’t do anything directly to Stark. They barely knew each other. Stark got a family, an amount of stability. He’s a playboy, billionaire, philanthropist. Tony Stark was fine.
Nebula was maimed. Turned machine in both body and mind. She suffered a lot under Thanos and by Thanos. She had an arc through this movie. Nebula should’ve killed Thanos.[6]
I would’ve also accepted Gamora, if they wanted a big name character.
But, nah, got to give the big finish to the man who started the franchise off. Sure.
Tony dies, and it’s a good death because his death achieved a big victory. Which is what you should do when you kill a character: have their death be their moment of awesome and a good narrative closure to the degree of their importance. No-name backgrounds characters can be comfortably killed off with a backhand, but to kill off an Iron Man, who has been relevant since the start of the franchise and started an era, his death needs to be worth twenty plus movies of set up and close an Era. Which Endgame did.
Black Widow, meanwhile, had been around for almost as long, had been poorly served by the narrative, and her death brought her arc no closure. Her story just stopped, and it’s unsatisfying.
Which is the main point of Endgame: bringing closure. Iron Man dies, and has earned his rest. Captain America, given access to time travel, retires and (importantly) passes on the mantle.
Actually, that’s an interesting question: who’s taking over Cap’s battle commander role? Because Iron Man has his replacements in Spider-Man (for tech and science upstarty-ness) and the Pyms (for big concept sci-fi) and Pepper Potts can still provide funding and infrastructure backing. Captain America makes Sam Wilson the new Captain America, but Sam hasn’t taken a leading role yet, so making him the new Avengers Leader might be an awkward transition.
The point is, the original six Avengers got their closures (of varying quality). Brash adventurer Thor continues his adventures in space, Tony Stark died but left a positive legacy to override his war profiteer history, Captain America get his lost time back, Hulk found peace with himself (which happened off screen, but eh, he was fun). Hawkeye and Black Widow… well, they started out as “they’re here, too!” characters, and they ended as “and they’re done, too!” characters.
Now, it’s time for the next generation, and it’ll be fun to watch.
Ranking and Overview
Well, the big narrative is finished, and it got better as it went along. The first phase was marred by the trend of “Super heroes, but in our grim and gritty world” that the Nolan Batman Films inspired. Thor began to loosen the tone, and Captain America was hint towards more grandiose elements, but it wasn’t really until Guardians of the Galaxy that the creative team looked around and said “This is inherently silly, right? Can we just… have fun?”
And from there, every new franchise had fun, while the originals had to keep their serious faces on.
Anyways, I’m going to rank them now from worst to best:
The Incredible Hulk
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Thor: The Dark World
Iron Man 2
Iron Man 3
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
The Avengers
Iron Man 1
Thor
Captain America: Civil War
Doctor Strange
Captain Marvel
Black Panther
Captain America: the First Avenger
Thor: Ragnarok
Avengers: Endgame
Avengers: Infinity Wars
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Spider-Man Homecoming
Ant-Man
Ant-Man and the Wasp
Guardians of the Galaxy
Despite being two parts of a full story, I ultimately decided Infinity Wars and Endgame were different enough to split them for rankings.
And I enjoyed Infinity Wars a little more.
And I think this confirms my self-assessment from last time: I enjoy fun, strong characters, and bold choices over trying to be real or attempt drama. I like to escape with my escapism!
Now, where do I think the movies go from here?
Honestly, I feel they’ll be able to do three more phases (for six total). In that time frame, Guardians of the Galaxy and Ant-Man will get third films, while Black Panther, Doctor Strange, and Captain Marvel each get two additional films. Complete trilogies before their cast become part of team-ups to bolster other films. There may be a few other franchises introduced, but besides Fantastic Four, I feel like Marvel is starting to need to dig too deep (especially since they burned the Defenders on Netflix shows. Daredevil could’ve been a film character).
The X-Men work better, narratively, away from the rest of the Marvel Universe, so hopefully they keep to their own, separate franchise.
So, complete trilogies, grind towards two or three more Phases,[7] then it’s time for reboots.
As for overarching plots, I feel like we’re not going to get another multiphase big bad. Doctor Doom would be a great next step, as he represents political hand wringing, technology, and magic in a single megalomaniac, and I feel like we’ve gotten to the tonal point where Doctor Doom can be properly hammy. But it’ll be a single phase. Then one or two more big bads, possibly ending with some sort of villain team-up and time travel shenanigans to bring everyone (everyone) back for one, finally grand finale.
Then Reboot.
Maybe start with Captain America next time. Or the Fantastic Four. We’ll have to wait and see.
For now… I’ve got a Digimon project I keep hyping, and I have been meaning to rewatch Star Wars.
Maybe check out my Patreon or Ko-Fi if you enjoyed this essay.
Kataal kataal.
[1] I will note I stepped out for the Star Wars trailer. I’m gonna see it, so I want as little spoiled as possible. But the title and JJ Abrams being back at the helm has me concerned. [2] Which I think gets an unfair rap. I always felt that detail was just a pin in the life Widow was built for. She submitted to invasive surgery and cut off options to be what she was. It’s a symbol, not just poor writing.[3] [3] Age of Ultron still sucks, though. [4] For the record, I believe he’s known he could use it since Ultron, but he was being polite to Thor. [5] Except Black Widow. [6] Plus, comic accuracy points! [7] Amazon has two box sets for the phases with art based around an infinity stone each, so completing the set with six total phases makes sense.
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YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Doctor Strange (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
Avengers: Infinity War was been breaking all kinds of records at the box office and has made $1.85 billion at the global box office and counting. This means that the entire world knows who these actors are and would spot them if they were walking down the street.
When they were children and teenagers they were just like us. They played sports, video games and had fun with their family and friends. When they were younger, if they walked down the street we probably wouldn’t think anything about it. Even when they were actors acting in other films, they were probably still able to walk down the street and go relatively unnoticed.
This sparked our curiosity into knowing what these actors looked like before they were our beloved Avengers. We did some research and compiled a list of childhood photos of the actors who are playing some of the Avengers. Below is a list of 16 adorable photos of the Avengers when they were young and little.
1. Robert Downey Jr./Iron Man: Iron Man might be considered by many to be the leader of The Avengers but back in the day he was just an adorable little boy. Since this photo has been taken Robert Downey Jr. has starred in a lot of films and brought Iron Man to life.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Iron Man 2 (Paramount Pictures)
2. Mark Ruffalo/The Hulk: It might have taken Mark Ruffalo over 200 auditions to land his first role, but now he is rolling with the big ones. When he was in school, the first image, he probably never knew he was one day going to portray the big green angry guy in The Avengers.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / The Avengers (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
3. Tom Hiddleston/Loki: Back in England years ago Tom Hiddleston was a little boy with an adorable and infectious smile. Who knew that he was going to grow up and get cast as one of everyone’s favorite heroes, and sometimes villain? You definitely wouldn’t have guessed that by looking at this photo.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / The Avengers (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
4. Chris Hemsworth/Thor: Chris Hemsworth comes from a family of brothers. Just in case you couldn’t figure out which one he is in the photo on the left, he is the more grown up one holding his brother, Liam, on his lap. Hemsworth went from holding his brother to being Thor God Of Thunder with a challenging brother, Loki.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Thor (Paramount Pictures)
5. Chris Evans/Captain America: We hate to love those school yearbook photos our parents bought when we were younger. Back in the day, this was Chris Evans looking adorable while posing for his school photo. Evans is now starring in multiple films within the Marvel Cinematic Universe and playing on many screens.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Avengers: Infinity War (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
6. Chadwick Boseman/Black Panther: We know that this photo isn’t of a little Chadwick Boseman but it is of a younger one. This photo was apparently taken when Boseman was 15-years-old and he is now 4o-years-old. It turns out that Boseman never ages and he is now the King of Wakanda.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Black Panther (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
7. Elizabeth Olsen/Scarlet Witch: Elizabeth Olsen waited until she was done high school to pursue her dream of acting, and this sure paid off. Since she graduated high school she has been seen in many indie films and then got cast of Scarlet Witch in Avengers: Age Of Ultron.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Captain America: Civil War (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
8. Dave Bautista/Drax The Destroyer: Before Dave Bautista was an actor he was a wrestler. And before he was a wrestler he was this adorable little boy. We are guessing that his wrestling training game in handy because he is now playing one of the strongest men in the galaxy.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Guardians Of The Galaxy (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
9. Benedict Cumberbatch/Doctor Strange: Not much has changed since Benedict Cumberbatch was an adorable little kid. Little did the boy in the left know that one day he’d get to play iconic roles like Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Strange!
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Doctor Strange (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
10. Scarlett Johansson/Black Widow: Scarlett Johansson has been acting since she was a young child and had a huge breakout role in the film Ghost World. Audiences have since watched Johansson transform into many characters on the screen, but maybe none more famous than Black Widow.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / The Avengers (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
11. Sebastian Stan/Bucky Barnes: The only thing that has really changed over the years for Sebastian Stan is that he grew out his scruff and hair. But he is still the adorable kid he was back in the day, he’s just a bit more serious when playing Bucky Barnes.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Avengers: Infinity War (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
12. Pom Klementieff/Mantis: We usually hate it when people show our childhood photos of us, but we love to see childhood photos of other people. Pom Klementieff has nothing to be embarrassed about because she was a really adorable girl. She brought all that adorableness to her portrayal of Mantis.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Guardians Of The Galaxy (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
13. Paul Rudd/Ant-Man: After seeing this photo we are pretty certain that Paul Rudd has the anti-aging serum. He literally hasn’t changed over the years. Even though Rudd has starred in many films over the years, being cast as Ant-Man has expanded his ever-growing fan base.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Ant-Man (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
14. Zoe Saldana/Gamora: Zoe Saldana was one cute little kid and she is one cute strong woman now. Even though Saldana is still adorable she is portraying the most bad-ass woman in all of the galaxy. She has also made a career out of portraying many powerful and strong female roles.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Guardians Of The Galaxy (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
15. Chris Pratt/Star-Lord: Chris Pratt was one adorable little kid and he grew up to be one adorable man. A lot of fans of the Marvel Comics and Cinematic Universe have said that Pratt was a perfect casting choice to play Star-Lord. It’s impossible to imagine anyone else playing the role!
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / Guardians Of The Galaxy (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
16. Jeremy Renner/Hawkeye: If we didn’t know that this was Jeremy Renner as a child then we would not be able to figure it out for ourselves. Renner looks nothing like he did as a child. We wonder if when this photo was taken, Renner was as good at shooting arrows as he is now.
YouTube /u/ FunnyPig / The Avengers (Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures)
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