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#it's horrible it's awful it makes me want to die
sloopaysfan · 1 day
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How does the other members of the mirror! Party feel about mirror!sif ?
Please tell me they at least like him ;w;
see the thing abt that is like. ok. the main problem in mirror isat is that the party really really really do like each other. and want to be friends. but they each consider themselves completely incapable of that in some way.
like. isa. has complicated feelings on sif. they hate siffrin for so effortlessly mingling with others. for trying to make him talk about the stuff he hates about himself. for making him feel like a horrible person just by being so crabbing NICE! and smart in a way he just isnt. isa says he hates siffrin, but i think deep down he kind of hates himself through siffrin.
and odile like... knows shes awful lol. shes a pathological liar, a self proclaimed grave robber, and serial killer. shes cruel and manipulative and frankly doesn't care if the others live or die. but its a fun thing where she does like being around these people. she... surprisingly to herself, wants to keep being with them. but she knows she can't have that. so she's not chasing it.
mira makes me so sad . girl who hates the very religion shes practically a poster child of. shes such a perfect representation of change. she hates the belief. she was blessed by a god she spends her every waking moment trying to disprove the existence of. she likes siffrin, but knows they deserve better than the moody antisocial hypocrite that is Her. it was nice being with them while they were here, though.
AND BONNIE!!! loves frin so much. siffrin who was willing to go against his own friends to save them, a stranger. an adult who wasn't willing to let a child be hurt by the people they cared about. it's... the kind if thing bonbon always wanted. they try to repay the favor. try to get strong enough to help frin. to get revenge against the people who tried to hurt them and imagines different faces when they try.
sorry idk if this answered anything or if its all too rambly they all make me slightly insane
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running-in-the-dark · 10 months
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why is viewing apartments so fucking stressful
it's genuinely one of the worst things ever for me, I hate it, I don't want to do it anymore
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bonefall · 10 months
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Does leopard still have 3 lives in her final battle? Or was that changed?
Yep. I think she drowned her once, then Leopardstar lunges up refreshed, and she gets the upper paw on Mistyfoot with 2 lives to go.
(MAYBE tw gore, but I really did try to be tasteful about a head being smashed on a rock.)
On her back, splashing and thrashing furiously against Leopardstar's claws dunking her head under, Mistyfoot glimpses a wave breaking just over the tip of a stone-blue rock. Her only chance.
With a surge of power, her claws sink into her leader's golden shoulder and they tumble and roll to the right. Before the tyrant even realizes what's happening, she's yanked up, and then whipped backwards with a wet CRUNCH
And then again
And again
And again, until Mistyfoot can't even make out what's left of her leader anymore. All she can see is that it's a red, brown, and yellow blur, because her eyes burning with salty tears and her whole body is trembling.
She drops the corpse onto the stone and it slides into the water, lifelessly. After a moment it spasms aimlessly one last time, like an insect does after its head is bitten off, unlike the deliberate, agonized throes of Tigerstar suffering through his doomed lives. And then it's still.
There's only the tranquil sound of bubbling water, and Mistyfoot's frenzied panting. Her pounding heart makes it hard to hear either.
The blood is carried off by the shallow water in scarlet swirls, but the lake runs pale red as if it's washing it away. Some were aware of this prophecy, but Mistyfoot was not.
It isn't closure to her, or a fulfillment of divine decree. It's just blood that should be on her paws, slicked away by the complicit river. She wished it could feel like it's over, but she's smart enough to know the truth. Has been through enough terrible events like this to understand what comes next.
Her body will move foward. Her mind will need to consider her deputy. Her paw will come down on code-defying cats like Blackclaw and Greenflower. But her heart will stay here, next to the remains of Leopardstar, the same way another piece of it remains at Stonefur's side across space and time.
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achillesapple · 2 months
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people begging me to do something to make a certain someone happy aren’t taking into account that i hate this person and i will revel in the knowledge that i kept them from getting the most perfect version of what they wanted. in fact i hope they mourn the loss of this for the rest of their life and die unhappy about it
#i wish i could do worse. i wish i could go through and ruin everything i ended up giving them (all against my wishes) and i wish#i could ruin everything they love because god do i hate them and i will laugh when they finally fucking die#i have no idea why everyone glosses over all the shit this person has done to us and all the pain they’ve caused and i can’t fathom why#everyone wants to make them happy and why they’re willing to beg and bribe for me (and one other person who also hates them) to#give in but it is amusing and i hope they all fucking cry about it like oh nooo did poor [REDACTED] not get something they will never#get another chance to have ? oh well that sucks so bad for them i’m oh so sorry i caused that i can’t believe i managed to ruin their#chances for this how awful that this person i hate who has done and gotten away with so many horrible things didn’t get their perfect#little fantasy how sad we should all comfort them and call me a bitch who has no respect for anyone#god sometimes i wish i gave into violence more in the past bc i wish i got to fucking beat their ass up back when it would be self-defense#unforch i will never get to now. SAD!#i suppose i have murder fantasies and the thought of being able to ruin their funeral to soothe my soul#and the knowledge that i could make them fucking hurt by refusing to cooperate w them#and ough every time an opportunity presents itself for me to fucking take back what they took from me arises i have to fight myself#on it bc everyone will know it was me. i don’t even want what they have i just want them to know they will never get it back and#god it would upset them so much but they never should have had it in the first place ough if i get the chance before i ditch everyone here#for good i’d want to take it and stick around just long enough to hear how much they’ll cry about it before i fuck off#unforch i would need to know where all of their copies of things are but fuck i hate knowing they’ve taken so much from me bc i didn’t#get a fucking choice and they think they have to right to keep it all bc oh it makes them so happy they love having it they’re so fucking#afraid of losing it but it’d be so easy and i doubt they’d even notice for a while and i genuinely could disguise it as a mistake something#got misplaced some files corrupted etc etc but whatever this is fantasy a sweet little daydream of mine my second fantasy involving#them has smth to do with setting their house on fire and my third fantasy is desecrating their grave when the time comes#okay i’m done w this lalalalalala *skips off into the distance* i think revenge is not productive but god is it delicious to think about
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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designernishiki · 1 year
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yeah I wish I could feel that excited for the kiwami movie adaptation but. if youve been following me a while you’d know that I kind of hate kiwami 1’s story so shzhdjshdjcj yahoo
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t4tpumpkinduo · 6 months
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i swear my shit has to be glitching
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v-arbellanaris · 2 years
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i think the problem (?) is that the only kind of (fictional?) love that interests me is the kind of love that changes the world. the kind of love that derails the narrative, the kind of love that changes everything -- not necessarily by how special or unique the love is but by the very mundanity of it. the love that grows, not in spite of the barren lovelessness of Before, but out of it. i think that's why I'm always so invested in ships that are two people diametrically opposed to each other, or enemies-to-friends-to-lovers, or two people on separate sides of the morality issue coin, because i love it when love... not that it changes a person but it allows the person to Become. the space, the grace, to change. to love the monster, to love the unlovable and the intolerable, is to make it something other than a monster, than unlovable, than intolerable. i love it when being loved at your worst, ugliest, most horrible self is what makes you want to be someone worth loving. like is this ANYTHING to anyone or
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#sorry im not here but im thinkin abt fic things and im really just! having some Emotions about things#idk? i see a lot of aspects of myself in villains. whoever you consider a villain. and i think there's a tendency in fandom#that I've noticed for like... years. where when these issues are portrayed in Good People it's always framed in an acceptable way#if they're angry it's never in a way that really hurts anyone - or everyone Just Knows they're going through shit#if they're depressed it's always the sad pathetic kind that makes people want to coddle you and not the kind that made me isolate and#unpleasant to be around#the urge/inclination towards violence to people who did wrong to me is a villainous act#trauma only ever affects Villains in a bad way. and their trauma MAKES them Bad and Evil people who should only ever just die to fix all#the damage they did to people. and idk man! don't you think that's kind of fucked up? don't you think that it's so fucked up to see yoursel#and the ugliness of your trauma and how it impacts you only ever represented by villains. and then the solution is ''they should just die''#and in the rare moments those villains DO get redemption arcs or a second chance or whatever there's a large n frankly horrific portion#of fandom going i want this person dead or (other violent gruesome violating thing) because they're awful and horrible and their very#existence is unforgivable. i think they should die#and it's like i get it. i also get tired of having to see this message constantly blasted into my brain 24/7?#''why do you ship x with x--'' god i dont fucking know#maybe i want to believe we can get better. that people can change.#maybe i want to believe there's no end point where i have to weigh up the damage ive done to people vs the benefits ive brought and decide#i should die. maybe i want to believe that people are inherently good and want to do good and have the capacity for good!!#that we can do better if only someone believed we could!!#maybe i want to believe we're all worthy of love. of someone who will believe in us. who sees something good in us even when we're at our#worst & most unlovable. maybe i want to believe we can still BE loved after all that! idk leave me alone!!#tbd#i added the image bc its how im feelin rn
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winepresswrath · 11 months
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drusilla's canon grandma kink is a thing that can be so charming & unhinged.
#do i empathize with darla not being into it. yes. 100% it is horrible#but come onnn it's so funny and endearing that drusilla wants to go there#sexually and also emotionally she's making it uncomfortable for everyone. if she wanted to play nuclear family & iirc sometimes she does#they'd role with it because they're creatures of the night perverting wholesome domesticity is their jam. but no.#drusilla says this is an intergenerational household of cringe and i want a boyfriendson just like grandma#spike when drusilla is like you're the knight and i'm the princess: overjoyed. honoured. so turned on and blissed out he could die (again)#spike when drusilla is like i want to show grandmother my new baby: incest is just a very touchy topic for me right now babe#you can't cancel her she's just processing her trauma!!#incidentally i think it's also interesting that william the bloody awful poet does not have daddy issues at all as far as we see.#very much unlike angel and also penn! angelus has so many daddy issues he actually sought out another human with daddy issues to turn#so he could play vampire daddy about the art of murdering your family. like a full 2/3 vamps we know for sure he turned (i think??) call hi#dad. only partially as a sex thing. yikes!!! this manpire is so unwell on the dad front#but it looks like william's father predeceased him#and he had time to process and come to terms with that before he got vamped#if he had a bad relationship with him he doesn't think about it unless i'm misremembering season 7 which is very possible#but spike the vampire is so daddy issues flavoured and it's just. it's just angelus issues like imagine you're 27 years old reborn#to eternal night and your girlfriend's other boyfriend she calls daddy fucks you up like that. there's so much oof in that relationship#no wonder he's mad. that is just embarrassing. like yes obviously the backdoor of his mommy issues provided an opening but still. still!!!#press says btvs#cw: incest#cw:drusilla
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intraosseous · 1 year
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it is actually unreal how much i hate going to my parents’ home
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further thoughts double standards towards men and woman in bojack fandom Bojack does drugs=completely responsible for his actions/needs to be held accountable
Sarah lynn does drugs=product of the industry/all bojacks fault/ zero accountability . zero agency given because the show treats her like shes still 10 and not 30 after her death .
Bojack holds power over women =horrible abuser
Ana assaults Bojack (crickets/ nothing/nada/zip the victim actually ends up going to find out what they did wrong which is just ugh)
im all for men being held accountablte but the double standards is def a flaw in the show . that ana scene didnt need to exist sarah is an adult. not a child. she is responsbile for her addictions. and choosing who to have sex with its weird as heck but it wasn't nonconsenutal she was the one destroying his house , using her tv quotes to get her way, and flirting with hm. Sarah was acutallly a lot more smarter/self aware than bojack was and gets treated like a kid and that annoys me. heck bojack blacked out a lot of times during the bender but is sober enough to dial 911 wait 17 mins that bugs me it makes no sense to me but thats a different tangent
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walleeli · 1 year
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Having acne in your mid-twenties is sooooo fucking cool. I feel like I don’t deserve to exist in public spaces.
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be-good-to-bugs · 3 months
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WOW i am way overemotional lately
#the bin#makes sense since im suddenly living with my mom and 4 different siblings after almost 2 years#and everything here is extremely different. ive been SO overemotional the past few days especially. but ive also been sick so ofc i have#bleh. im aglad that it doenst bleed into my behavior around people much. esp with irl stuff#i still treat my siblings nicely and dont like. flip out for no reason. i have 1 useful skill and its this lol#but itss good i have it because i am pretty much always an emotional wreck bc ny life sucks and has sucked for its entirety#i dont think its ever not sucked. like even when i was a baby. i dont remember being a baby but i do know that when i was a baby my parents#neglected me so. i guess my kufe has just always been bad. but hey. at least im still nice to other people. unlike literally everyone else#i know who when tehyre in a bad mood they go SO mean. but in (most) of their defense they are traumatized children so like. fair enough#ur going through it and we all process stuff different. i bet its nice to have a brain that feels safe to express that stuff haha#i think abt how awful i always feel and how hard doing anything is a lot and i relaly think that if i had friends things would be ok for me#i cant helo that im psychotic or that i have a bunch of physically painful disabilities or any of that but i think i coupd deal with it all#and feel ok if i just had like. any person who i was friends with. i dont have anyone at all and i havent for a long time. no wonder i feel#like shit 100% of the time and im constantly overwhelmed and upset and panicing and all my mental illnesses are unbearable#like. no wonder i have wanted to die nonstop since the age of 11. yeah no shit. everything has been fucking horrible thus far and i dont#have any freinds that make being alive worth it#someone should give me a good peize for not being dead right now bc god. evwry second of every day that im awake its so hard#lol no wonder i immediately developed a drug addiction. hey man its better than being so miserable you wanna die literally all the time#at least there SOMETHING that turns it off for awhile. hate when people act like addiction is the worst thing in the world#maybe the thing people develop addictions to cope with is worse actually. and that needs solved first or else whats the point#oh but my opinion doenst matter apparently bc im just a cRaZy DeLuSiOnAl AdDiCt and my opinion cant be trusted#bleh. whatever. at least i have my tumblr posts that are veey rareky even seen by other people to scream into the void whatever im upset abt#thats almost like talking to another person
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yanderenightmare · 18 days
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♡ TW: nsfw, noncon, yandere, kidnapped reader, murder of nameless side characters
♡ fem reader
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Thinking about that moment of violent change you’re forced to go through when your loving boyfriend becomes the terrifying man you don’t recognize—and how it completely eradicates the reality you’d grown so comfortable in, realizing it was all some perfectly orchestrated lie.
Rope burns on your wrists and ankles, tears streaking your chunky cheeks, and a poor soul’s blood on your pretty face belonging to some guy who’d gotten a little too close for comfort.
He’d cut him down like it was nothing.
The knife is held still by his side, a shining red murder weapon, dripping on the floor in the growing pond by his feet. He sighs heavily, casts his head back then looks behind him, beholding you through slim eyes, clicking his tongue, “Look what you made me do…”
He wouldn’t be the only one… several victims followed in his bloody path—witnesses who’d seen him struggle with you, kicking and screaming for all your worth, trying anything to get away. You were all too easily manhandled into the car, and could only watch behind the locked door, banging with bound fists on the glass while he gutted other passersby who’d threatened to call the police.
Driving off, he growls at you, first to shut up and then, “That was your fault—if only you’d been a good girl, none of those innocent people would have had to die.” His knuckles whiten on the wheel, wringing it in his stained grip—scarlet on ivory. “If you don’t want any more blood on your hands, you better sit pretty and not cause me any more trouble.”
You sob uncontrollably and inconsolably despite the threat—you can’t stop yourself—you can’t even comprehend his words. None of it makes any sense. You’d seen it all, and yet you can’t understand it—any of it. You’d watched the sweet guy you knew shed his skin and become a monster right before your eyes. It must be some bad dream, some terrible, awful, horrible nightmare.
But even if it is, you don’t want him touching you ever again. It makes you physically sick to your stomach to think you’d ever shared a bed with him—exchanged sweet nothings in the damp heat of each other. No, no, no, it’s not the same person—it can’t be. It can’t be true. What about the smiles you’d shared over breakfast, those times you’d surprised each other at lunch, all the dates, all the gifts, all the kisses, the future you’d talked about?
You’d fallen in love. But you’ve fallen in love with someone who doesn’t even exist.
He makes sure the door to the bedroom’s under lock and a key he stores somewhere you won’t find it. You squirm in your bonds on the bed when he approaches, shivering with whimpers under his hands, flinching at his touch while he unties you, then cringing as he angles your face to look at him—wanting to pry free, anything not to look into those changed eyes.
You hadn’t thought his build was imposing before, it hadn’t struck you as lethal. Naively, you’d thought him cozy—a big chest and a warm embrace he would scoop you up in, a safe place you could live. He’s cold now, menacing and filthy from his crimes—the body of a killer, a cold-blooded murderer. He’s so big it makes the room feel too small for the both of you. Claustrophobic.
He forces your gaze to him, and it’s all you see, those eyes, those unrecognizable eyes, with that look within you can’t understand, beholding you with burden.
“I still love you,” he states, though it angers him. “Even though you broke my heart. I still love you.”
You shake your head, or you try to, but it results in only tiny tremors caught in his hand where he keeps your chin, bloody fingers buried in your plump cheeks, squeezing so hard you wince.
“But it doesn’t come for free,” he seethes with an awful sneer. A type of grimace you’d never thought him capable of, overfilled with disdain. “My love is earned. And after all you did today, you’re in deep debt.”
He lets go of your face with a nasty shove, taking a mean grip on your shirt instead, using both fists to tear it down the middle. You yelp and cover yourself, but that only angers him further—causing him to grab your wrists and pin them to your side. You think you feel your joints popping.
“Test me, and I’ll hurt you,” he growls, his teeth bared at your ear where your face curls to hide itself in the pillow. “I don’t want to, but if that’s what it takes to make you sorry, then so be it. Be good, and I won’t have to take it that far.”
You lie as still as you can muster while he removes the rest—roughly as he goes—your bra, your skirt, your underwear. You only snivel and toil with the sheets in weak little fists, making your joints cramp up—feeling raw under him, at the mercy of those blood-dried hands.
You understand what he’s about to do, and yet it doesn’t really dawn on you before you hear the sharp ringing of his belt buckle being undone. You don’t look, but you don’t close your eyes either—the room is already dark enough that closing your eyes would make you feel too close to death. So, you keep your gaze fixed to the side, to the stale wall.
The bed bounces you as he shuffles. The urge to run bubbles within, but you know it wouldn’t be to your advantage. So your mind spins, thinking of other possibilities, growing ever more panicked when coming up empty.
He spits on your slit, then rears it with his spitefully erect shaft—pushing in without further prep. And you lose all sense of control.
Twisting at the attack, you scream again, “No! Stop—”
Your hands barely touch him before he’s answered the protest with a tightening grip on your neck. Unrelenting, your throat instantly snares, and you choke on any further outburst.
“I told you,” he chastises. “Why do you have to force my hand, huh?”
You gasp for any sliver worth of air, sipping through the cracks of his chokehold, but it’s very nearly sealed completely shut. You try lifting his grip with your own, both hands holding onto his wrist, wanting to pull loose but achieving nothing.
It’s so pitiful that he ignores the effort. Using his remaining hand to continue what he’d set out to do. Planting his tip at your unprepped entrance, he wasted no time before surging forward.
Your vision starts to spot, and your hands grow weak, barely hanging on.
“That’s good. Lie still and take it,” he groans—his lips on your cheek as he bullies through your dry walls, only aided by his spit. “And I might consider once’ enough.”  
You don’t have a choice, feeling your body go numb. He picks your thigh up over his hip and drives deeper—starting a steady pace without letting go of your throat, squeezing the life out of you. Your hands finally drop, lying limp, and still, you feel it deep within—the thrusting as he beats your sorry cunt into an aching mess, then fills you up with awful warmth.
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♡ BNHA – Deku, Kirishima, Hawks ♡ JJK – Nanami, Geto, Naoya
♡ FEM x M INSERT masterlist ♡ GN x M INSERT masterlist
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ribbonzregretz · 1 year
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goddamn it
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