Tumgik
#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read
opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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tired-of-being-nice · 19 days
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rude awakening
sooo um...turns out posting that little snippet earlier was just the motivation i needed to finish the whole thing! finally! the direct follow-up to what i posted at the end of february (geez.) enjoy :)
cws: past injury, general disorientation, assumed kidnapping, whumpee going back on purpose(?)
Coren wakes up slowly and painfully. It cracks open an eye and the light that floods its vision immediately creates a pulsing ache at the back of its head, so it closes its eyes again and tries to put together the pieces. 
It's not at home, it knows that much. The surface it's lying on is much too soft and comfortable to be it's little nook back at home. So where is it, then? And how did it get here?
The last thing it can remember clearly is sitting in the rain, staring at its hands. After that...everything gets blurry, fuzzy, distant. They remember Milo showing up, and vaguely recall being given water, or something, and the sensation of warmth and of someone holding their hand tight, but it all feels like maybe it happened to someone else.
Right now, though, it's definitely fully aware of what's happening to it, and it really wishes it wasn't. Still, though, it forces itself to run a diagnostic check.
Ankle: hurts. Sprained it a few weeks ago and never gave it the chance to heal up properly, so now it just twinges incessantly. Legs: ache. Stomach: feels like it's trying to eat itself alive. Arms: ache. Hard to move. Throat: dry. Eyes: sticky and weird. Head: oh god, hurts a lot. General status: It feels too drained to move, and its mind is begging it to pass out again, but that won't do it any good. Conclusion: get up, idiot, you're fine.
Coren makes a small, pained noise as it forces its eyes open again and squints into the sunlight.
Wait. Sunlight...
"Oh, you're waking up?" an unfamiliar voice says cheerily, and all other thoughts leave Coren for a moment as a surge of adrenaline rushes through it, forcing it up and onto its feet as it struggles to process who's standing across from it.
It doesn't need to process much, thankfully— just that it doesn't know them, and it's morning, and last it remembers it was night, and that means it's probably late for work, and that's all it needs to know to know that it needs to run.
"H- hey, wait!" the stranger calls after them as they turn to flee. Normally they'd be able to outrun anyone they know, but they're still so weak—head fuzzy, limbs not responding as fast as they should—that the best they can manage is a kind of rapid stumble. "Where are you going?"
"Nowhere! None of your business!" Coren spits, fumbling for something nearby– some kind of weapon, anything– there, that works. They grab it and brandish it in front of them in their most threatening manner. "I don't know what you did to me, but– I'm going, so stay away from me!"
"I didn't do anything to you," the person says with a very insulting look of amusement. "I just let you sleep on my couch for a while. That's my spatula you're holding, by the way."
Coren glances at the...spatula in their hand, glances back at the person, and then turns around and half-flings themself out the door.
"Wh– hey! Get back here, y- MILO! Milo, wake up!"
Coren freezes momentarily. Milo's here? That's–
That's another good reason to run. Yes. Right. They start running, and after a mere few seconds are forced to reduce it to a sort of rapid walk, and then to a slower walk, and then considering the spots in their vision and the pounding in their ears they're lucky to be moving at all. But they are moving, they're still moving, even if they have to have one hand on a wall to hold them up, and no one's caught them yet, and once they get back to their headquarters they can explain what happened and apologize for missing work and hopefully they'll be forgiven and they'll be put in the room with the noise and everything will be okay again. Yes. Everything will be okay. They just have to get there.
taglist: @whumpsoda, @snakebites-and-ink
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pocket-luv101 · 2 years
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Regal and Violet Eyes - Tetsono
Fandom: Servamp Ship: Tetsono Characters: Tetsu, Misono
Summary: Tetsu breaks an expensive vase and he doesn’t have the money to repay it. Misono offers to pay for him. He offers to show him around town to repay him. (Tetsono, Modern AU)
Lonely Eyes Series: KuroMahi // LawLicht // (Tetsono) // MahiSloth // Jekuni // Gluttony Pair
Now she goes on vacation in expensive places to get away from her mind
Tetsu had several heavy bags of flour and sugar over his shoulder as he walked to his car. Most wouldn’t be able to handle the weight and opt to carry them in a cart instead but Tetsu prided himself on his strength. He found it better to carry the bags himself so someone else could use the cart. He reached his car and he carefully balanced the bags on his shoulder while he searched for his keys.
As he finished placing the bags in the trunk, an argument caught his attention. He turned towards an outdoor art exhibit where two people were yelling. Tetsu couldn’t hear what they said from a distance but it appeared like a man was trying to sell something to a petite man with violet hair. Since his family owned an onsen, Tetsu could easily tell that the shorter man was a tourist.
When Tetsu saw the man grab the tourist’s arm, he crossed the street to stop him. He was the youngest in his family with two older sisters but he was raised to always help others. The tourist’s small body also made him appear more vulnerable and he felt as if he needed to rescue him. With those things in mind, he didn’t expect to see the short man lash out at him with a punch.
Misono swung his fist with as much force as he could and he struck his cheek. He wasn’t strong like others but his brother taught him how to defend himself. His punch disorientated the man and Misono used the opening to shove him away. He yelled, “I just asked you for directions to the beach. I never said I wanted to go with you. Who even tries to pick up strangers like this?”
He regarded him with a disgusted tone that was only rivaled by his glare. Despite his short stature, he held himself as if he were ten feet tall. A crowd was forming around them due to his yelling but he didn’t shrink away from their gaze. His purple eyes never faltered as he glared at the man. Tetsu couldn’t help but be a little impressed and he thought that he looked like a prince at that moment.
“Who do you think you are? You’re just an arrogant kid.” The man’s anger flared at Misono’s rejection and he leapt forward. He quickly stepped backwards to evade his attack but his back met a hard wall. Misono was certain that there wasn’t a wall behind him earlier. He couldn’t linger on the question when the man was about to attack him. He closed his eyes and he held his arms over his head.
Misono was confused when he heard the sound of a punch but he didn’t feel any pain. He opened his eyes and he found himself in a blond man’s arms. He was so tall that Misono needed to tilt his head back to meet his eyes. What he thought was a wall was actually a person. He had protected him by placing his arm in front of them and blocking the punch. The hit barely caused him to move and Misono wondered how strong he was.
“You shouldn’t be starting a fight in the street,” Tetsu warned him in a disinterested tone. He let go of Misono but he stayed by his side so he could protect him if he tried to attack him again. Disregarding his words, the man’s anger flared and he tried to punch him again. He intended to lightly push the man away from Misono but he accidentally used too much force.
The man flew backwards and he crashed into a vase on display. The fragile vase fell to the hard ground and shattered with a loud clamour. Tetsu’s heart dropped in time with the vase and his throat became dry. Even after he heard it shatter and the man ran away, he couldn’t move. His gaze was fixated on the price displayed on the table. The amount was easily more than he made in three months.
Tetsu didn’t know how he would be able to pay for the broken vase. His family owned an onsen but they lived modestly. He wasn’t given the chance to think of what to do when a museum employee ran towards them. A heavy sigh escaped him. He accidentally broke it while defending someone but he still needed to take responsibility for it.
“I’ll pay for the vase. You rescued me from that creep and I can repay you this way.” Misono told Tetsu. He didn’t wait for his answer before he walked to the employee. He addressed the crowd with his next words, “You people must have all the time in the world to watch and do nothing else. Show’s over so you can be on your way.”
Misono wanted to ignore the crowd yet he was distinctly aware of their curious stares on his back. He grew up with people constantly judging him as the second Alicein son. He thought he would have a moment of peace by travelling to the beach town where he was less known. Unfortunately, the vacation was far from the repose he was hoping for.
He briefly spoke with the employee to explain the situation and then he paid for the broken vase. Misono turned around to leave and he was glad that the crowd had mostly dispersed. One person remained and he recognized him as the blond man who protected him. “I broke the vase but you paid for it. Thank you. Is there anything I can do for you? My name is Tetsu Sendagaya.”
“Misono.” He answered but he was careful not to give him his full name. “I already said that I was just returning the favour for saving me. You don’t need to act like you’re indebted to me. Unless, you think that some vase is worth more than helping me.”
While his words were barbed and sarcastic, there was a hint of pride in his voice that intrigued Tetsu. Misono was far from the vulnerable tourist he assumed he was when he first saw him. He wanted to get to know him but a part of him knew that was impossible. He was a tourist and this could be the only time they met. “It’s not the money but I was thinking that you helped me more than I helped you.”
“If that’s the case, can you give me directions to the beach?”
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“The mochi that Grandma Hinata sells is better than the hotel’s and you don’t have to wait in a long line.” Tetsu told Misono as they walked along the beach. He thought that he would show him where the beach was and then he would return him. However, he found himself acting as a tour guide for him and he told him of the best places to visit on the beach. Tetsu grew up in the beach city and he knew it well.
“I should buy a few boxes and bring them home for the orphans. Though, I might end up eating them all on the way home.” Misono said and he slipped another mochi into his mouth. With the water lightly washing over their feet and the salty breeze, walking on the beach was refreshing. He knew that it was mostly Tetsu’s calming presence next to him that helped him feel relaxed. He was glad that he decided to ask him to take him to the beach.
Misono’s phone vibrated and barely gave it a glance before he answered it. He returned his phone to his pocket and he noticed Tetsu’s curious eyes. He didn’t voice his question even though Misono knew that he would be curious. Since they arrived at the beach, Misono had received a text every twenty minutes.
“That was my over protective brother and babysitter. Mikuni and Lily are taking turns texting me so they’ll know that I’m safe.” Misono explained. He didn’t know why he felt compelled to do so but it was nice to have someone to vent to. “Mikuni and Lily can be so overbearing. I’m sure that they’ll send the FBI to search for me if I miss a single text. They probably sneaked a tracker or listening device into my things to make sure that I’m safe.”
Tetsu leaned closer to him and his warm breath brushed over his temple. At first, Misono was surprised by how close he was but he didn’t pull away. His heart quickened. He said: “Hello, Misono’s brother and babysitter. My name is Tetsu and I’m going to protect him so you don’t need to worry.”
“Tetsu, I wasn’t being serious about the listening device.” Misono laughed. Tetsu straightened and he saw that his violet eyes had become sad and lonely. Even though he tried to hide those emotions behind a forced smile, he couldn’t completely mask it. “I’m surprised that they let me go on this vacation alone when they’re so protective. This is my first vacation by myself.”
“They must trust you even if they worry. Families will always worry for each other. I have a big family and siblings too. My oldest sister still calls me to remind me to eat my vegetables.”
“Family.” Misono repeated the hollow words. The feelings he had been holding back while he was home suddenly poured out with Tetsu. “My whole family was supposed to go on this vacation but it’s just me now. Mother and Father are getting a divorce and everyone decided that it was better to cancel the trip. We’ll all be forcing ourselves to act like a normal family and no one will be able to enjoy the vacation.”
He stopped walking and his gaze fell to the floor. Misono stared at his hazy reflection in the water and wondered if Tetsu thought he was as pathetic as he appeared. “The house has been unbearable ever since the divorce. I decided to go on this vacation alone so I can get away from how quiet it is now. Now that I’m here, I miss home. But I don’t want to go back to that empty house either. I must sound crazy, don’t I?”
Misono didn’t look up to face Tetsu but he saw his reflection appear next to him in the water. Without a word, Tetsu gathered him in his strong arms and he tenderly stroked his hair. The warmth and comfort of his touch eroded the walls Misono built around himself and his emotions poured out. He buried his face into his chest and he allowed himself to cry. The sea carried away his wails. Even as his emotions were swarming him like a storm, Tetsu held his trembling body.
“I don’t know your family or exactly what you’re going through but I can see that your brother cares. You won’t completely lose your family.” Tetsu whispered to him. He wished that he was better with words so he could comfort him. The only thing he could do was hold him so he wouldn’t feel as lonely. “If you ever need a vacation, you can come back here and stay in my family’s onsen. I’ll give you a discount.”
“Has this all been an elaborate way to advertise your family’s onsen.” Misono giggled. He lifted his face from his chest and Tetsu used his scarf to wipe the tears from his cheeks. His voice was a little breathless as he accepted the safe haven. “Thank you, Tetsu.”
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clouds-rambles · 3 years
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hey bestie i was hoping to request xiao, venti, childe and zhongli where the the reader and the character have just had an argument + the reader needs time to calm down from the argument. omg maybe the reader comes back with a gift to apologise
Ask and ye shall receive <3. I’m the kind of person who needs time to relax and process the situation after an argument. I’m always too worked up (read angry) to kiss and make up straight after an argument.
Pairings; (Separate) Xiao, Venti, Childe, Zhongli x reader
Warning(s); breif mention of a wound, alcoholism, swearing
Keep reading under the cut!
Xiao
You’re probably being too harsh on the guy
You had just come back from a tough mission with a few more scrapes than you normally come back, a nasty cut in particular situated on your shoulder was what caused the argument to kick off in the first place
In hindsight the argument started from Xiao’s concern of you getting hurt worse but you were too tired from the commission to really read it as concern
But boy now do you feel bad. You both went your separate ways for the evening and in the morning you still haven’t caught sight of your partner. You eventually go around Wangshu Inn and ask if they’ve seen Xiao.
You get told that he’s out for the day, apparently he caught wind of something manifesting in the mountains. So, you suppose that it’s high time to make an apology gift
And what’s a better apology gift than your partners favourite food? Because your arguments are often few and far between you don’t mind making Xiao almond tofu since it’s not something you’ve associated with apologising
Though you’re aware that the sweet snack means nothing if you’re not sincere with your apology. 
So what’s more sincere than sitting at the highest balcony of Wangshu Inn and wait for Xiao. You don’t mind how long it takes for him to come back just as long as you get to apologise
He comes back just after dusk and you pour your apologise profusely and tell him you understand that he was coming from a place of concern
Xiao is a little distant a short while after the apology but soon you’re reassured that he accepts it when he places his hand on the table for you to take hold of
The two of you sit in silence sat hand in hand while Xiao eats his tofu
You watch him eat with a grin on your face, sometimes just watching the Yaksha sit still and do his thing is enough to keep you in a trance for the evening
-
Venti
Maybe you got into an argument because you’re concerned over Venti’s drinking habits, sure he’s an immortal god but doesn’t he worry about his liver?
Sure the argument started because you’re worried about the archon but boy does he make you angry with his non-sensical thought processes
Venti is the kind of guy who wouldn’t let you leave without settling the argument
Even if the happy medium isn’t actually going to bring any change into the questionable drinking habits
But this argument just feels a little different, you’ve had the same conversation form months but nothing seems to change
You’re not even sure if Venti has actually listened to anything you have said to him about it
So you tell him “Do what you want, but you’re sleeping on the sofa tonight” yeah you just resigned him to sofa treatment. As much as you hate it you’re far too heated to just kiss and make up right now
So the night passes and you wake up with the cold space beside you, you’re confused until you remember the previous nights events
Though your unusual silence in the room doesn’t last long, you presume Venti sensed that you’re awake because you hear a knock at your bedroom door, you’re surprised that Venti is actually here and that he hadn’t sulked off to Windrise where you had originally planned to apologise to him
As you open the door you notice your partner stood before you with a bunch of hand picked cecelia's and dandelions and an apologetic look on his face
You’ve never known Venti to speak so fast he apologises profusely for causing you such worry and promises that he’ll try to drink less, he mentions that he doesn’t wish to give up his Friday and Saturday drinking nights but he’s willing to tone it down during the week if it stops you worrying 
You thank him sincerely and find a vase to put the flowers in
You hug Venti and apologise yourself for being such a worry wart and causing such a big argument
“I’m glad I have someone to worry about me, I don’t know what I’d do without you” You can’t help but swoon at his flowery words and grin at him before the two of you start off the day
-
Childe
It’s a bad habit he has, when you try and talk about something serious with him he constantly cracks jokes at the situation. Which in its self isn’t the worse thing in the world, even you crack jokes to lighten the situation but at some points it goes too far
And today is too far, what started off as a disagreement about where you were going to eat lunch ended up in a full scale (mostly one sided) argument in Childes office about how he can’t take things seriously
You, of course, know this to be false. You’ve seen him in action against his foes and bank business but just in this moment when you are so angry about the situation those rational thoughts go out the window
And what does the bastard do? He cracks another fucking joke
“Is this what I am?” you ask finally reaching the catalyst of your temper “A fucking joke?” 
And boy does the exclamation comes to a surprise to him. No matter how frequent your use of curse words you’ve never directed them at him so it catches Childe by even more surprise
“[name] I’m sorry I didn’-” he tries to apologise
“You didn’t fucking what Tartaglia? Want to make me feel like a joke? Cause you’ve been going down that road at every fucking disagreement we have” you cut him off in a fit of rage “Sleep in your own fucking bed tonight” you add before storming out his office
He tried to follow you out the bank before he was stopped by a fatui agent about some urgent debt collection, so he never got to apologise immediately
And that’s how the next couple of days go, you’ve taken most of the time to cool off and avoid anywhere Childe might be hanging about, your plan works better considering said harbinger was out of Liyue Harbour for a couple of days
Though on the third night Childe appears at your door, he doesn’t bring any gifts, just himself. Childe enjoys gifting things to you so he doesn’t want you or him to associate gift giving with apologies. You’re more than thankful for this
Childe apologises before you even have the chance to invite him in and takes your hand and wholeheartedly promises to try and not make jokes when you have a disagreement
You also apologise and agree that, in hindsight, you blew things out of proportion. You reassure him that he’s a hardworking man and that a few out of place jests make everything more bearable to him.
You invite him inside for some tea, your bed isn’t as cold as it was tonight
-
Zhongli
Disagreements with Zhongli never seem to get any further than that. The archon likes to listen to you vent your frustrations over a cup of herbal tea and usually that calms you down and everything is settled before supper
But every once in a while you’re a little high strung. For instance this time you’re running on a total of 5 hours sleep over the last 4 days. Sleep deprivation could possibly be your middle name at this point 
The only thing you want to do when you get back from your restless trip from Mondstat back home is to just sleep the next few years 
But the sweetie that Zhongli is he quizzes you about your great to horrific trip
Zhongli pulls all the stops he readys some dinner for you and draws a bath when you get back. He even gives you a small lecture about how you’ll feel terrible not washing before going to bed
But with your tired ears, eyes and brain it feels like a personal attack in your entire self “I’ve had it up to here with bloody hillichurls for 4 horrific days, all I want to do is pass the living hell out thank you”
Replace the bloodys with fucks and that’s probably more accurate to what you said
Zhongli is taken a little aback, being an older traditional man it’s unbecoming of anyone to use such sailor language. And thus the male lectures you about it
You take that as about as well as you expect, you don’t respond to him and favour walking out the room, barely getting undressed and collapsing on your shared bed
You wake up the next morning (though when you peek outside it seems like it’s after noon) disorientated. You don’t actually remember coming home the previous day 
Then the memory resurfaces of you yelling at your spouse and regret washes over you
Surely the gift you had prepared for Zhongli would be good enough as repercussions of yesterdays outburst
You see Zhongli in the dining room, to the untrained eye he looks like he’s in a normal mood but to you, you can see his brooding emanating off of him. If you dare point it out Zhongli will deny that he even broods in the first place
He’s the first to greet you without turning around. Rightfully so, he’s still in a mood. So you just profusely apologise for your outburst
You explain that you were running on next to no sleep and while that doesn’t excuse your outburst it certainly explains it. If your spouse so wishes to ask how your trip was you would comply much more now since you’ve had a good sleep behind you. 
You then change the subject to the gift in your hands, some rose tea. Something Zhongli had mentioned when you were courting all that time ago. 
The man sits you on his lap and explains to you about how it was out of place of him to assume you’d be in a talking mood immediately after your travels. You reassure him that under normal circumstances you wouldn’t mind talking about it, you promise that you will do everything in your power to not let the previous night repeat
You then bring out his gift, rose tea, which he had mentioned wanting to taste a little while back, and before long you’re back in the cycle of Zhongli profusely explaining to you some random subject (in this instance rose tea) before you go off to make dinner where you finally share the details of your travels
Hope this is okay! <3 I kind of went a little ham with the Childe and Zhongli one in comparison to the other two hope you don’t mind lmao <3
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wpdarlingpan · 3 years
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Hello! I recently follow you and read your writing of DC. I love it, your writing are really good! For a request, i have this idea...
Platonic yandere Damian wayne with twin sister reader. Maybe, when they were kids, he used to be hated her because she was excelent in everything and have a little care and love from Talia. But she really care for his brother and then Ra al-ghul put them to fight among themselves on a cliff to see who was going to be the future leader and in a bad move, they ended up hanging up in the cliff. Then his sister, not wanting to see his brother die, brings him back to the surface and she ends up falling. Damian didn't know how to react and only receive a slap from his mother .
How about, after Damian goes to live with Bruce and being the new Robin, in one of the fights with Slade and his partner, this partner decides to let himself be trapped so that Slade can escape. In the Batcave, they take off the mask to discover that it is their sister, but someone very different, with another personality, cold, somewhat insane, hostile and very intelligent like that, because she was submerged in the Lazarus pit by Slade, who consider as a parent. Maybe Damian will try to reason with her and apologize for what he did to her. She tells him that it is too late and a smoke bomb explodes to reveal that Slade came for his daughter. She, determined, goes with him, but Damian tries to stop her, but is defeated and tells him that he should never have saved him, to see how Damian tears up and before leaving, he laughs and says "I didn't know that demons cry "
it could be possible? Thanks!!
Ukht: Sister in Arabic
Title: Not Again
Talia was surprised when she gave birth to twins. The boy a few minutes sooner than the girl. She was glad as well as they had two lethal weapons instead of one.
Two children with the blood of Talia Al Ghul and The Batman.
There was a boy she named Damian and she name the girl Y/N. She cared for them a short time after they were born then they were cared for mostly by maids.
As they grew older Damian began to despise his younger sister. She was perfect at everything and he was always second best. He believed she got all the love of their mother and grandfather and left him with none.
They were 10 when they were dropped at the top of the tallest mountain on their land and told to fight to determine the next Leader of the League Of Assassins. They were equals. They fought for hours as they each met each attack with one of equal force same with defense. They were bloody and bruised and Y/N couldn’t bare to hurt her brother anymore. But we she was about to give, she didn’t notice how close to the edge they were. The stood facing each other with their feet barely not over the edge but as Damian attack he knocked himself over the edge because he lost balance as he grew angry and let his emotions over ride his training. But as he fell he grabbed onto his sisters leg and she was pulled down with him. The didn’t fall far as they ended hanging onto a small ledge not to far from the top of the mountain.
Y/N knew what she had to do, but did she have the strength to do it is what she was questioning to herself.
She grabbed the rope she had attached to her belt and used one hand to toss it up and luckily for her it landed around a tall rock while the other end flew back down. The two ends of the rope were next to her and she leaned over and attached the rope to Damians belt as he struggled to hold on. He looked over once he felt the weight on his belt and he looked back at her questioningly.
“I love you Damian.” She said as she grabbed onto one end of the rope, pulling Damian up to the top as she used as much of the weight she could to work as a pulley system. She didn’t want him to bed up falling back down so as soon as she saw he was safely to the top, or as safe as you could be on the top of the mountain. She let go.
Damian screamed as he saw his sister fall beneath the clouds to her death, and he couldn’t do anything. He hated her all of his life for reasons she could not control and he didn’t realize that he never triplet hated her until he realized he never had been without her. She patched him up after fights in the middle of the night so he couldn’t protest, gave his pieces of food, tried to show him love but he wouldn’t accept it, not from her. 
He regretted it now.
A assassin flew a helicopter up to the mountain with Talia in the back going to collect Damian. Once she arrived and Damian had fought the pain and walked onto the helicopter, Talia slapped him sending him to the floor with a red hand print on his cheek. He wouldn’t cry, never.
They arrived back at the compound and Talia led him to Ra’s. Of course they talked about everything he did wrong then made him practice for 5 hours until it was perfect. After they sent him away to sleep he had nightmares of his sisters death, and how he hated her all those years.
The next day he was sent to live with his father after the league was attacked and Ra’s was killed. His mother handed him off and later on he decided to stay with his father even after he was to be brought back to the league. It had been a few months since then and Batman and Robin were in the middle of a fight with Slade otherwise known as deathstroke. He was a powerful force to be reckoned with. But even worse now, as he had a sidekick.
A fully masked figure wearing fighting gear and knifes strapped to their thigh, not to mention the very sharp Katana they were wielding, it was a difficult task for them both. But Batman dodged a stroke from the blade and the blade hit a gas pipe, as it was about to explode Slade ran off and Batman was about to go follow before she tackled him to the ground. They fought for a good couple seconds before Robin joined the fight and she was knocked out.
Batman and Robin swung out of the warehouse with Batman holding the masked figure as the pipe exploded leaving behind a burning building.
They put her in handcuffs and put her in the back of the batmobile as they drove home.
“Who do you think she is Batman?”
“I’m not sure.”
They drove home in silence, when did Slade get a partner?
Once in the bat cave they tied her to a chair before Alfred fixed up their cuts. The figure began to slowly wake up and she struggled in the chair before settling while staring at the duo.
“Why were you with Slade? A partner? Sidekick? Apprentice?” She doesn’t respond and continued to glare. The Bat stared right back and couldn’t help but think she was very short, just a inch or two below Damian. Her eyes seemed young as well but didn’t hold any innocence.
“You heard him, who are you?!” Damian demanded by Robin put a hand on his shoulder
They still didn’t respond. But, an idea came to mind. If she gave away her identity it would distract them enough for her to initiate a plan.
“Take off my mask Damian and see.” She spoke ominously while they both looked in shock that she knew his identity. He got over it and quickly ripped off her mask and he was staring into eyes alike to his own.
“Y-Y/N?”
“Miss me? I’m sure you didn’t.”
“Who is she Damian?”
“He never told you about me?” She asked with a fake point then proceeded to smirk.
“Damian?” Batman questioned further but all domain could do was stare.
“I’m his twin sister.” If there was a time the bat had showed that he was shocked it would have been when he found out about Damian, but this one rivaled it.
“W-What?”
He looked over to Damian but Damian turned away.
“Yep, his little sister only by a few minutes.”
Damian and Bruce took off the masks looked at her. Bruce saw the resemblances, between Damian and her, between her and himself.
Damian knelt in front of her and stared into her eyes.
“Forgive me ukht, please forgive me.” Tears gathered in his eyes surprising y/n. Damian crying? That’s not possible.
“Forgive you for what Damian?” Bruce questioned staring at his children.
Y/N had her lips pursed so Damian responded.
“Our mother and grandfather put us against each other in a mountain… it was a fight to the death to determine who would be the heir to the league. We fought for hours before I let me emotions lead and I fell. I grabbed onto y/n and she came down with me. We felt onto a ledge with barely enough room for us to hold on.” Bruce’s eyes are wide and slightly teary. “She grabbed her rope and made a pulley system. I was slipping, she tied it to my belt and jumped, telling me she loved me. Pulling me to the top as she Plummeted down. She fell, or rather let go so I could live.”
“And yet here we are.” She spoke snarky glaring at Damian.
“How are you here then?” Bruce questioned feeling as if he knew the answer. Jason was a standing example.
“You already know Bruce. The Lazarus Pit. Just like how it brought back Robin #2.” She smirked as he glared slightly. Damian glared back at their father as he needed to calm down.
“But did you know something Batman?” 
“What is it Y/N?”
“We always have a back up plan.”
With that the wall bursted open and Y/N shook of the robes she had been working away with a small knife. She held up a small tracker she had on her and smirked at their surprise faces. The duo threw on their masks even though their identity’s were already known.
Slade walked in with swords at the ready and he threw one to Y/N.
“Nice to see you.” Slade smirked at her.
“To you as well.”
“Ready to go?” He questioned her ignoring the bat and the bird.
“Ready when you are.” They nodded slightly and
Slade attacked Batman while she got Damian. With the help of a smoke Bomb and their disorientation from the information that she was alive, they were fairly easy to take down. They knocked the duo down to the floor and tied their legs together, just to give them enough time to escape.
“You can’t go! Not again.” Damian yelled with tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t lose her, not again.
“Wow look at that Slade.”
“What is it Y/N?” He played along as they turns towards the whole in the wall.
“I didn’t know Demons could cry. You learn something new everyday.”
Slade tossed another smoke Bomb into the cave as the last dispersed, distracting Damian and Bruce since they had almost gotten out of the rope, and got far away from the duo.
Damian stared at the hole in the wall in a mix of anger and sadness. Bruce in shock still.
Damian sobbed and fell to the floor in tears.
“Not again.”
~*~
Hopefully you liked it! Sorry it wasn’t too Yandere, I wasn’t sure how to make him a Yandere with this. But I how it was still good. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day! ♡
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levi-my-beloved · 3 years
Text
Birds of a Feather
Chapter 2
Pairings: Canon!Levi x F!Reader
Warnings: Violence, swearing, descriptions of sexual acts
Word count: 5.9K
Summary: You were the most notorious criminal in the Underground City. With your organisation of highly skilled professionals, only one man could take you down. He also happened to be Humanity’s Strongest… and your ex.
A/N: big ol’ oof i’m back again with more BoaF shenanigans. i’m having way too much fun with this, and i know i said chapters would be released every two weeks but i actually got way too excited not to post these sooner. haven’t had any issues with accidentally deleting this post yet, but i wouldn’t put it above myself. anyway, here’s chapter two of “Birds of a Feather”
𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔𖣔
You hated surprises. In all shapes and forms. You liked to be in control of the situation, able to predict every move your victims would make. The job was going smoothly, all the steps falling into place. Infiltrating the nearest MP warehouse was easy enough. Stealing medicine, ointments and food was child’s play. You wondered how any of them became members of the MP in the first place, considering how incompetent they were. Only a few throats had to be slit on the way, one of your knives now dripping in their blood. Running it through the crease of your elbow, the crimson came off on your leather suit. Various straps and holsters held knives and blades of all sorts, some were more intricately designed than others.
Crouched low behind a large, wooden crate, you remove one of the smaller daggers from your boot, now clutching it in your left hand. They seemed to have upped their security, judging by the increase of soldiers walking around the place, each with their own rifle on their backs. Shit, they were really getting fed up with you. A small, satisfied smirk sliced across your shrouded face. Even with upped security, this was easy as piss.
That was until a commotion above you had you stopping in your tracks. A strange zipping sound followed by what you could only assume was the releasing of gas filled the air, followed by shouts, some familiar, most unfamiliar. Shit, how the fuck did they know you were here?
It wasn’t long before you were scampering onto crates of weaponry, back up to the broken window in which you’d entered. Swinging up from a beam, you landed deftly on the windowsill, peering out. Dread pooled in your gut at the scene.
These soldiers had skills you’d never seen. Swooping and swivelling with expert precision, it would have been mesmerising if not for the fact that they were chasing your Shadows. Your family.
“Shit… PHANTOM AND RENDEZVOUS,” you shouted, your voice carrying across the rooftops. It was a simple command. Disappear and meet up back at the hideout. But, in doing so, you’d given away your position, and it wasn’t long before you too were racing across the rooftops.
Taking out a set of throwing knives from your waist, you leapt from the tiles onto a balcony, spinning behind you and throwing two of the steel blades at those who were in your pursuit. Both knives hit home, sending two of the three soldiers spiralling into the streets below. Dead.
But one was still on your tail, dodging the two falling bodies effortlessly. Using your momentum, you crashed through the wooden window, rolling as you landed before continuing to flee.
Shit, this really wasn’t good. But one question still circled your mind. How the fuck did they know you were there? How could you possibly have been compromised? The job was airtight. Nobody outside your trusted group knew the positions you would be in and when.
The thought had thrown off your rhythm. Not concentrating on where your feet were falling, you’d missed the staircase right in front of you, only noticing when your foot met air instead of solid ground. Throwing your hands up to somewhat protect you, you were thankful for the corner as you slammed into the wall, your front jolting in protest. Shaking your head in an attempt to free yourself from the disorientation, you swiftly stood and wasted no time skipping the rest of the stairs, shouting a quick “Sorry!” to the couple who yelped in surprise as you vaulted over their kitchen table and burst through their door, back out into the streets. You had a few seconds reprieve before the hissing of gas met your ears, and once again took off running.
The street was irritatingly busy, you having to pick your way through the crowds whilst the zipping and hissing of ODM gear threatened to swoop down from above.
“Fuck fuck fuck.” You muttered, now shoving people aside. This was not ideal. Though the crowded street gave you some cover, it had slowed your momentum significantly.
Scanning around as you sprinted, you saw the perfect opportunity to broaden the gap between you and your pursuer. It was risky as shit, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
With a burst of speed fuelled purely by adrenaline, you raced towards the broken wagon. It acted almost as a ramp up to a swinging tavern sign. ‘The Broken Casket’. You’d never been and honestly had no interest in going, but you silently thanked whoever decided to place the sign at the perfect angle for you to use as a stepping stone. The wagon creaked as you sped up the planks of wood with cat-like agility. Using your arms for momentum, your foot connected with the swinging sign as you leapt across the street. However, in your planning, you’d failed to notice the sound of ODM gear had ceased behind you. It only occurred to you after another body slammed into yours mid jump, a low grunt interrupting your thought process as the two of you crashed into the dirt.
Surprised shouts and exclamations of the crowd brought you back to your senses as you expertly kicked the soldier from your body, rolling to avoid any sort of attack coming your way. This was bad. This was really bad. Drawing two more blades from your leather suit, you flipped them in your hands, ready to face off against your attacker, who had already begun his onslaught with his own steel.
The singing of metal rang in your ears, sparks flying with every collision.
Raising your arm beside your head, you blocked a heavy kick to your face, hissing ever so slightly at the contact. Shit, this guy was good. Ducking beneath a swipe, you took advantage of the fact you were wearing a masked helmet, bringing your head up viciously. You watched as he dodged backwards, his footwork borderline perfect before sweeping for your leg. Barely having enough time to register the attack, you leapt and twisted, bringing your own leg against the side of his head. He mimicked your block, your foot connecting with his forearm instead of his skull. You’d traded blows with hundreds of people before, each fight ending in just a few seconds. You knew you were good. Really good, in fact. But the man currently shrouded by a green cape was just as good. Dare you admit, maybe better than you.
No, you wouldn’t admit that, not when you had just landed a solid hit to his stomach with the hilt of your knife, not the end you’d wanted to land but at this point you were thankful for any successful blows. Rolling deftly to the right, you lunged once again whilst you thought he was still reeling from the impact.
He wasn’t.
He had lulled you into a false sense of security and let you believe the blow had impacted him more than it actually had. A knee cracked against your jaw, throwing you to the side. Sliding against the ground, you slammed into a wall, slumping as you recovered. Your hand came up to cradle the side of your face, wincing as you gently took hold of your chin, before jerking your jaw back into place. You couldn’t deny it. That hurt. A lot.
“You done?” raising your head from the dirt, you glare into the void beneath the hood, a voice you’d sworn you’d heard before, but you pushed down the confusion of familiarity. Slowly placing your blades back into their scabbards, you raised your hands as you stood, taking a step forward away from the wall behind you.
“Shit… Yeah. I’m done.” You admitted lowly, now standing before him, arms still raised in submission. That was until he came closer. You tried not to give away your plan as he cautiously walked towards you, keeping your eyes trained on the ground until you could see the tips of his boots in your vision. You couldn’t help the feral grin that sliced across your face.
Before he had time to question it, your foot connected with the underside of his chin.
It was a move Prongs had taught you a very long time ago. If ever you were in trouble, this was your best bet of escape.
The world turned upside down as you flipped backwards, watching in satisfaction as the man staggered backward. Now it was his turn to cradle his jaw.
“Never let your guard down, Scout.” You spat, before bolting away. That was close. Too close. You just hoped the rest of your Shadows had made it back.
꧁⎈꧂
What. The FUCK. Just happened? He had never seen someone with those kinds of skills before. It would have been impressive if it wasn’t a life or death situation. Levi stood there in the middle of the street, slouched ever so slightly, eyes wide with shock.
What the fuck just happened?
His hand still cradled his chin painfully. How the fuck was he just bested? He wasn’t even thinking clearly throughout that entire chase. All that was running through his head was how the fuck this guy was able to pull of moves like that. He’d seen some daring examples of parkour in his time but leaping over an entire street? Swinging from overhead bridges? The leader of The Nest was on a whole other level. He thought back to their entire ordeal. He must have been taught by someone. There was no way he couldn’t have been.
For some reason, that voice played in his head on repeat. A teasing carousel. He wouldn’t dare assume, but it sparked something in his mind. Something he wouldn’t dwell on now, but if they managed to catch this Raven, then maybe he could figure out just where the hell he’d heard that voice. Sure it was a little muffled and distorted by the mask, but it still bothered him.
Straightening himself, he pulled the hood of his cloak lower against his face. He told Erwin this was ridiculous. He told him this was a fruitless expedition. He was getting a little sick of people not listening to him for various reasons. He suspected it was because of his background.
Levi had done half of the job he was tasked with. Keeping the leader away from the rest of the group for as long as he could. Whilst he wasn’t able to detain him, this should be enough to please the Commander. As if remembering where he was, his skin began to crawl. The filth all around him almost felt suffocating.
“Shit…” he muttered, running his hand through his dark locks, sweat making them stick to his forehead. Looking back to where he’d watched the criminal race away, he pulled the triggers on his ODM gear, the gears shooting into the brick and wood of the upper streets before engaging his gas to meet up with Erwin and Hange. If everything went to plan, they would have the leader of The Nest already detained by the time he got there.
Levi couldn’t deny this operation had been a shitshow. They had severely underestimated the skill of these Shadows. Comrades falling left and right in their pursuit.
It was strange, being back. Dragging up memories he’d tried so hard to bury. His past suddenly creeping back up behind him. Gritting his teeth, he decided to concentrate on where he was going rather on the tendrils of discomfort seeping into his mind. He would face those demons later, when he wasn’t surrounded by death and filth.
Now he thought about it, facing the underground city and facing titans were similar in many ways. Both were terrifying thoughts to most. Both seemed to be caked in dirt and grime. And both seemed to result in the inevitable high death toll. It was frustrating to no end, but it wasn’t a surprise. Everything seemed to result in death. The only constant in this cruel world. It followed him like a curse.
His thoughts twisted back to you. Wondering if you were down here, somewhere. You were always so mysterious. Even when the two of you were together you’d disappear for days on end, only leaving a cryptic message behind. You’d never told him where you went, and he’d never pried. The wind in his ears took the form of your bubbling laughter, images of you clutching your abdomen after he’d told some sorry excuse of a joke.
Shit, he needed to get out of here. The longer he stayed, the further his thoughts strayed back to you.
꧁⎈꧂
You had never run so fast in your life. Wanting to meet up with your Shadows as soon as possible, hoping they would all be there safe. It was a fool’s hope, you knew that, but it was the only hope you had left, unable to shake the unease. Had you all been compromised, or just you and your Shadows? Was the location of The Nest safe? Was Scarlett safe?
You had come to the conclusion you must have been betrayed. There was no other explanation. It seemed impossible, one of your trusted betraying you all to the MPs, but how else would they have known you would have been at the warehouse? How else would they have known to call in the Scouts? They knew MPs alone couldn’t take on you and your Shadows, so they asked for help from a more skilled regiment. That was the only conclusion you could come to as you arrived at the rendezvous point.
Only to be greeted by an eerie silence. Not a soul to be seen.
This was wrong. Everything about this felt wrong. They should be here by now. Unless…
Unless they were at the backup site...
“NOW!”
A woman’s voice had your head jerking up to see you were surrounded. You watched the Scout pull some sort of trigger and as you did, time itself seemed to slow down. A faint click to your left alerted you to whatever trap they may have set. Leaping into a forward roll, you felt a rush of air behind your head as you dodged. Your heart pumping faster than ever as you look behind you, seeing the weighted net that had missed you by less than an inch.
Returning your gaze to the rooftops, you watched as several soldiers zipped onto the ground around you. The hidden square you’d chosen as your first meetup point now riddled with green capes, rifles and blades pointed in your direction.
You were trapped.
“What the fuck do you want?” your voice sounded a lot more confident than you felt. Coming out as a threatening demand rather than a timid question. (E/C) eyes widened behind your mask as a tall, blonde haired man pulled down the hood of his dark green cape. You knew that face, you’d seen it in the papers. The Commander of the Scouts had come to pay you a visit.
How thoughtful.
“The question still stands, Erwin Smith. What the fuck do you want?” you stood a little taller, though he still towered over you. Subtly, your hand went to one of your blades on your belt. If he got close enough, you could sink it into his throat. Throwing the Scouts around you into disarray was probably the only way to escape this, though those chances seemed incredibly slim.
Erwin raised a thick eyebrow to you.
“I’m surprised you’re familiar with my name, considering your… living conditions,” though he seemed to choose his words carefully, they still fanned the flames of hatred in your gut. His perceptive eyes glanced towards your hand nearing a wicked dagger on your belt. “I’d strongly advise you against that,” he warned, his voice low as he nodded his head to something behind you. Swiftly, you turned, and immediately regretted everything. Horror and guilt pierced your heart as you beheld Una as she was dragged forwards, a blade positioned near her throat. “Her life is in your hands, Raven. Co-operate, and we’ll let her go. Fail to do so…” the blade pressed into her throat a little, a small trickle of crimson staining the pale flesh of her neck.
“R-Raven, I'm so sorry,” she rasped, finding difficulty in speaking with the steel against her jugular.
“Shh, shh Una, don’t speak. You’re okay, yeah? You’re fine, you’re going to get out of this, okay? You’ll be alright,” you tried to reassure her as much as you could, but you knew she was scared. You could tell by the way her hands shook by her sides, her eyes squeezed shut. Fuck, this had not gone to plan.
Turning back to Erwin, your voice lowered to a snarl.
“Alright. What do you want? I won’t ask again,” the arrival of another soldier briefly held your attention, faintly acknowledging him as the one you fought earlier. Your jaw tensed as he landed next to the Commander, his face still shrouded in shadow by his hood. You felt a sick satisfaction in knowing that the inevitable bruise blossoming under his chin was from your fight earlier. But he didn’t seem bothered by it.
Annoyingly.
“I’m sure you’ve guessed what we want by now, but I’ll tell you anyway. We want to take you with us, back to the surface, where you will atone for your crimes. In return, we will release this girl and allow the rest of your gang to go free,” it was an incredibly good deal for you, the only issue being…
You die.
The image of your wife danced behind your eyes as you closed them. She was right. You’d been captured.
But a strange calm settled over you. Maybe you could see him again. You’d finally be reunited and free of this world’s filth.
“Alright,” there was almost no hesitation to your answer. Something that caused Una to cry out.
“NO! Raven you can’t! They’ll kill you! Get the hell out of here, I'm not this important!” she attempted to bargain with you, only resulting in that blade pressed closer to her throat.
“DON’T!” you shouted, your voice now breaking ever so slightly. “Please… let her go.” slowly, your hands came up to your masked helmet. Removing it, you allowed the reveal to settle over the soldiers around you.
The leader of The Nest was a woman.
The shock was always something you revelled in. Of course, under normal circumstances, a venomous smile would crawl across your face.
But not this time.
Levi had completely frozen. Eyes wide, mouth parted in shock. His heart was a sick amalgamation of sheer joy and utter terror. Though your face had changed slightly with age, he’d recognise those eyes anywhere. They were harsher than before. Colder. No longer the eyes of a softer, young girl, but those of a savage, hardened killer. But it was you. You were here, in front of him. You were alive.
And he’d knee'd you in the face.
“RAVEN DON’T.” Una knew it was already too late. Your face had been revealed. There was no turning back now. Tossing your helmet to the side, you turned back to face the trio now in front of you. The woman who had pulled the trigger on whatever trap they’d set was now staring at you almost in awe. Erwin’s expression too seemed surprised, but it was the expression of the shorter man next to him that caught your attention. He seemed frozen solid, unmoving. You tried to catch a glimpse of his face beneath his hood, but that only provoked him to shadow it further.
“Let her go. Let them all go,” your voice had dropped significantly, though your eyes still held that steely determination. Staring up at Erwin, you watched as he nodded his head for Una to be released. Raising your hands to show you had nothing up your sleeves, you slowly walked over to her form sprawled out on the floor, head refusing to rise and look at you.
“Raven… I—“
“It’s alright, Una. It’s alright,” you cooed, gently lifting her chin to look at you, her hood still hanging low across her face, her features stayed hidden throughout everything. “This wasn’t your fault. None of this, was your fault, okay? We were betrayed, and I'm pretty sure that wasn’t you,” you chuckled gently, trying to lessen the tension.
Still, you could see the slivers of silver lining her eyes in the low light, tears of guilt welling up. “Hey, listen to me. You’re going to be okay. You’re all going to be okay. We prepared for this, didn’t we? We knew this might happen someday,” your voice was soft as you spoke to her, as if you were simply trying to comfort a child after a nightmare.
Helping her to her feet, you reached for your mask, lifting it from the floor and placing it in her hands. Her breath hitched in her throat as her eyes widened.
Una knew the significance of this.
“Give it to Prongs. Tell him I’m sorry it wasn’t quite the ceremony we would have wanted. Tell him to look after them for me. Look after her, for me,” taking a step back, you fisted your hands to stop yourself from tearing up, eyes trained on the ground. “I’m so sorry,” you whisper, before raising your head. “Now go. Get the fuck out of here.” your commanding tone returned, giving your last order as the leader of The Nest.
Levi’s heart clenched at the exchange unfolding before him. Though your appearance may have changed, you were still as soft as ever. He’d tilted his head down at your gaze, fearful of your reaction when you’d figure out who he was. How this would look. Him, in all his ‘Humanity’s Strongest Soldier’ glory, and you, the Underground’s most dangerous criminal. He wouldn’t be able to stand the flash of betrayal he knew he’d see in those familiar eyes.
Unable to stop your heart shattering as Una turned and ran, you took a breath. Raising your hands once again, you allowed soldiers to pull each arm out by your side as they began searching your body for weapons. You always made a habit of bringing a ridiculous amount of knives and blades with you on every job. And this was no different.
“That was honourable of you, Raven,” Erwin was the first to speak, though the title now made you scoff. You wouldn’t tell them your name, not yet anyway.
One of the soldiers patting you down was forced to gesture to a friend, her own hands now full of your various weaponry. And that was only your belt. You flicked your eyes to the three in front of you. The woman looked like she was going to burst any second.
“THAT WAS INCREDIBLE! Sorry, I couldn’t contain myself any longer. The way you dodged that trap was unlike anything I’ve ever seen! It was AMAZING! Who taught you to do that? The name’s Hange, by the way. Hange Zoë, science and titan enthusiast. I’d shake your hand but you seem to be a little tied up at the moment!”
The sudden explosion of excitement caught you off guard, your expression turning to one of sheer incredulous confusion, before realising you’d probably have to listen to her babbling throughout your entire journey back.
“I didn’t know you were going to torture me. Just kill me now,” you huffed sarcastically, expression darkening as soldiers roughly pulled your arms behind your back, clasping them in manacles after making sure all weapons were removed from your legs, your expression unchanging.
But that didn’t seem to deter the scientist. If anything, she found your attitude amusing.
“Wow! Levi, she’s just like you! Is everyone from the Underground so unapproachable?” she asked cheerily as the two soldiers holding your arms began to steer you away. But you refused to move. Levi too seemed stuck to the spot.
Everything went still, and it was as if nothing else existed but the two of you.
Ever so slowly, Levi pulled down his hood, revealing those dark bangs you remembered so clearly. Silvery blue eyes met (E/C) ones. It wasn’t quite the reunion either of you were expecting, but you were both here. Alive
“Levi…” you whispered after refinding your voice, torn between wanting to run to him and running away from him. Fear clung to your heart, knowing how much he would hate you for what you’d become.
Levi schooled his expression back to neutrality as Hange looked between the two of you.
“Do you two… know each other?!?!” Hange’s beam of excitement caused him to cringe internally. Looking you up and down, the raven haired man raised a thin eyebrow in what looked like disgust.
“Tch, no.”
Well, that wasn’t what you were expecting. You blinked in surprise, eyes narrowing to your previous lover, trying to mask your hurt. Maybe he didn’t remember you? But with the look of recognition in his stormy eyes, you swiftly ruled out that possibility. What you’d feared all these years had finally come to fruition. You’d found him again.
And he despised you.
Levi turned on his heel, stalking away from you as the two MPs tugged on your arm, finally prompting you to move. He didn’t think his heart could shatter much more. After losing his mother, his family, his home.
You.
He didn’t think he had the ability to break any further. But life clearly thrilled in proving him wrong.
꧁⎈꧂
The walk back to the surface was agonising. Both of you stealing glances at one another at every opportunity. His, masked with indifferent contempt, your’s overflowing with betrayal and rage.
How could he stand there and say the two of you didn’t know each other? As if you hadn’t been in a relationship for years. As if he didn’t know every little thing about you. As if you hadn’t shared his bed, moaning in ecstasy as he pried you thighs open, burying his tongue, his fingers or his length between your aching folds. As if you hadn’t heard every whimper and groan he could make, coercing them from his throat as you swirl your tongue around the head of his cock. As if you hadn’t been the one to finally hear those three words you never thought he could say. As if they weren’t directed at you.
Great, now you were angry and aroused.
Dragging your eyes away from him, you focussed on the long street ahead of you, now failing to notice the way his expression shifted slightly as he looked in your direction.
As you walked, more and more civilians stepped out of their homes to watch, many of them nodding their heads in respect, or removing their hats in mourning. You return their gestures, refusing to let your head bow as you dip your chin in recognition.
Levi could do nothing but observe the strange reactions from the swiftly gathering crowds. Some of them even shout to you.
“We owe you, Raven!”
“Give those fuckers hell!”
“Don’t let them take you lying down!”
You chuckled in response, both a sound and expression he’d missed so dearly. It made those long dead butterflies flutter once again in his stomach.
Even more so when a little kid approached you.
“Miss Raven… Why are there soldiers everywhere?”
Your eyes softened to the grubby little girl, crouching down where you stood, much to your escort’s dismay.
“They’re here to make sure little squirts like you listen to your mommy and daddy and go to bed on time,” the kid squealed in delight in your words. You lamented your hands not being free, the temptation to tickle the little tyke almost overwhelming, making your wrists squirm in their restraints.
“Hey, get the fuck out of here, stupid kid,” the soldier to your left delivered a harsh kick to the child’s side, sending her sprawling to the floor and out of your way. You don’t think anything could have brought you more rage. Not even your ex’s indifference to your existence.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” standing swiftly to your feet, you glowered dangerously into the MPs surprised eyes, now struggling in his grip as the kid started to cry. “She’s just a kid, you foul mouthed, pig eyed, vile piece of shit,” if it wasn’t for your circumstances and situation, Levi would have laughed at your insults. Clearly you’d broadened your vocabulary since the last time he’d seen you.
It was only when you’d managed to deliver a harsh, bone cracking kick to the soldier’s kneecap did Levi decide he should probably intervene, as much as he’d originally intended to stay away from you.
Something he subconsciously didn’t want to do.
“Oi, move along. I’ll deal with her, fucking degenerates,” his sharp voice cut through the commotion, causing the soldiers to stop in their tracks and whirl around.
“Captain Levi, sir! We were just—”
“I don’t care. Go.” he ordered. If they were Scouts, they wouldn’t have dared to hesitate, but since they weren’t a part of his regiment, it took them a moment for the order to register in their small minds, before they scurried away.
As soon as your arms were free of their grip, you immediately rushed to the little girl’s side, cooing gentle reassurance.
“Hey, come on now, you gotta be brave, yeah? You can’t cry every time a pig like that gets the better of you. Hell, then I’d never stop crying,” your little joke stopped the kid’s sobbing. Clearly your reputation extended even to the children of the Underground. “Where’re your parents, kid? Where’s your mom?” you asked, ignoring the obvious gaze burning a hole in the back of your head.
The little girl sniffled, pointing back to the head of a worried looking young woman, searching frantically for her little girl. A soft smile graced your lips, before you gently gestured for the girl to run along back to her mother, that smile growing as you watched her scamper off and giggle slightly as she was reprimanded in a giant bear hug.
“You haven’t changed, have you?” Levi’s cold voice brought you back to reality, prompting you to rise back up to your feet.
“Thought you didn’t know me,” there was none of that friendly familiarity he’d seen in your eyes earlier. There was only cold, ruthless ice. He shivered despite himself.
Softening his own gaze as you turned your head to him, he could recognise that spark of hatred. He’d seen it so many times when you faced down some sort of oaf who’d decided you were easy pickings back when the two of you were teenagers. He suddenly felt a pang of pity for all those who had suffered under this glare.
It was indeed terrifying.
“(Y/N)—”
“Don’t fucking call me that. You don’t get to call me that,” you didn’t try to tame the loathing fury in your tone. You didn’t pretend you didn’t revel in that confused look in his eye. Good, let him be confused. Though you didn’t know why. He should know well enough why you were furious.
“Okay…” —Levi took a breath— “Okay. Raven, then. That’s your alias, isn’t it. Raven?” He didn’t know why he was asking you such an obvious question, but he couldn’t help it. He had a craving just to hear your voice. The same voice that had haunted him for years, the same voice that had awoken him from the few hours he would be able to sleep.
Still, where his tone had lowered, yours refused to. How dare he show up after all these years and then claim he didn’t even know you.
“Obviously,” you spat, pure venom lacing your tone.
“So this is where you went. This is what you did. You were a part of The Nest this entire time and you didn’t think to tell me?” it was his turn to spit, clearly whatever had caused his gaze to soften previously had been replaced by something you couldn’t quite place. You weren’t as good at reading him as you used to be. His face had changed with time, and he’d clearly learned to school his expression much better than he used to.
“So what if it was? You don’t know me, remember?” you couldn’t help but use his words against him, wanting to drive home how much it had fucking hurt. Your eyes flickered to the now blackened bruise on the underside of his stupidly chiseled jaw. Something ugly twisted in your gut, whether it was satisfaction or guilt, you couldn’t decipher.
As if in retaliation, his own eyes glanced at the almost matching mark on your chin, the same mixture of emotions flashing briefly in his eyes before he took hold of your arm. It wasn’t as rough as you would have expected, but if anything, that simply annoyed you more.
“Tch, just move already,” the two of you had started to draw more attention to your conversation than either of you would have liked. So reluctantly, you placed on foot in front of the other and started walking again, returning back to acknowledging and recognising the respect those gathered were giving you. You remembered everyone you’d helped. Bringing them food, water, medical supplies.
“RAVEN!!” A loud shout of your alias had your head whirling to the right, searching for the owner of the voice. “RAVEN?!?” a small, older woman pushed her way through the people, almost falling to your feet. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she looked up at you.
You recognised her as one of your regulars. Her son had fallen ill months ago, and needed a medicine the MPs refused to hand out if not for a hefty sum of money. You’d offered your services to her after seeing her begging in the street, the sight hauntingly familiar to you. “I… I wanted to thank you. For everything you’ve done for me. For my son. He— I fear he wouldn’t be alive today without your help,” the woman hiccuped through her gratitude, drying her eyes with a worn, stained handkerchief. Your expression shifted to one of gentle indifference. You wouldn’t make the same mistake of outwardly showing your caring side like you did with the little girl.
“Make sure he stays rested,” was all you said, before continuing on without the prompting of Levi behind you, who now stood still in mild shock. Watching as many placed a hand on your shoulder as you walked, your head still held high.
“I don’t know what you men plan on doing with her, but she’s only ever helped us. She’s a good person,” the older woman’s eyes only spoke the truth as she looked to Levi, who only glanced back at you in response, watching as you climbed the stairs.
“I know. She always was.”
You stopped and turned back before you left for good, eyes lingering down the crowded street, a thousand faces peering up at you. Hats in hands, hands folded over one another in mourning. You recognized that with your leaving, a lot of people will go hungry. Many will die of diseases or viruses without the medicine you could steal and distribute. You knew Prongs was good, but he didn’t quite command that same kind of respect you did.
With a final nod of your head towards the crowd’s respect, you turned and left the Underground, leaving your past along with it.
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bonktime · 3 years
Text
Take a Breath
Ezra (Prospect) x AFAB!reader Oneshot (no use of y/n)
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Rated: Explicit
Summary: Your ship has crashed on a planet with low oxygen. With no other options you begin a tenuous partnership with a strange prospector in need of your help fixing his pod. He’s charming but dangerous and if he finds out the whole truth about you, you’ll probably end up dead. With trouble closing in from all sides, you navigate this new connection and hope you both survive in one piece.
Warnings: Swearing, descriptions of violence, blood and death, mentions of religion, sexual harassment (just a couple comments), me having no clue what asphyxiating is actually like, Two has a clear helmet for plot reasons, smut: unprotected PinV sex (there’s no STDs in space), cunnilingus, dom/sub elements, rough sex, size kink, choking (just a little), spitting, praise kink (this one surprised me), biting, a little dirty talk (it is Ezra) - let me know if I’ve missed anything!
Note: I was totally inspired to create this by @jura-moon​ ‘s fic Nostromo which lives in my head and without it, this never would have been written. I have used some of her story beats and ideas so absolute credit goes to her for that. This is sort of a fanfic of Nostromo in many ways 💘 I’d also like to throw thanks at @absurdthirst who reawakened my love of fics, @slater-baby who awoke something in me specifically, and especially to @danniburgh who not only deals with my damn near weekly requests for softness but who also got me to stop editing at 1am whilst drinking tequila. She did us all a favour, let’s be honest.
I hope everyone enjoys this behemoth. Don’t forget to reblog!
Wordcount: 22k
~~~~~~~~
It's not the worst planet to crash on.
The thought is so ridiculous you'd laugh if it wasn't for the blaring alarms and the screaming. Instead, you wrestle into the pilot’s seat and strap in. With the engine dead you'll have to manually time releasing the parachute. It's completely insane. Too early and the parachute burns, you crash into the ground and die. Too late and the parachute doesn't catch you, you crash into the ground and die. Provided you do survive you've at least got your suit on, oxygen tank attached, you'll be able to breath. The planet's oxygen is too low to survive for longer than two hours alone but it'll aid the tank and give you two days, three if you're careful, to get more. At least it isn't poisonous.
Thoughts all over the place you wonder where the other ship will fall. Hopefully close enough you can still make use of it. Hopefully they've got a good pilot.
You've been lucky this far, now all you can do is hope your luck holds. You break atmosphere flames blurring the view of the planet and then it's rushing to meet you. You start counting, watching it come closer, closer. You see the other ship careen away from you.
“Fuck!” Someone behind you shouts “Pull the damn lever are you trying to kill us all?!”
You ignore them, don't lose count. Ok
Three… two… one…
You close your eyes and pull.
You don't open your eyes.
No. For the first time in years. You pray.
⧫⧫⧫
Pain is the first thing you register, across your chest aches like, well, like you've just crashed a ship. The next is the smell, smoke, that can't be good, it's not entirely unpleasant though. Then the noise, someone's shouting in your ear telling you to get up, to move, they swear and leave you dangling upside down, still strapped into the pilots’ seat. Oh, that's why your chest hurts, ok, you think to yourself, you’re alive. You need to move. You need to open your eyes.
You do.
Lights are flashing, disorientating you more than your current position, blood rushing to your head. You reach up and press the release on the seat belt and drop to the floor, or maybe the ceiling, head first. Didn't think that one through you chastise yourself.  The engine is on fire, filling the hull with smoke but your legs are numb so, seizing your pack where it’s fallen beside you, you crawl to the light you think is the door and to your relief, flop outside.
No one notices you. They're all looking away, throwers out and pointed into the dead trees you sit back against the ship still reeling from the crash, too slow to realise how absolutely fucked you are. They come out the trees fast, even with spears and blades, you watch as the crew falls one by one. You can't process what you're seeing, frozen in place. Blood splatters, coming down like rain around you. Too late your body reacts and you stumble to your feet and run.
You get out of sight and then you stop, panting. Every breath aches your chest.
Something's wrong. Something you're not seeing. Right before your eyes. What is it?!
It hits you, slowly like a wave, realisation and then panic. You reach up slowly and touch your head. Gloves come away wet and dark with your blood.
Your helmet is shattered.
You aren't sure if you're crying or blood is dripping into your eyes. You suspect the blood. Feeling numb you keep moving, one foot in front of the other vaguely glancing down at the dial on your arm. After the running you'll be unconscious in at best an hour and a half, dead a little after that.
The petrified forest seems to close in around you. It’s a stillness like you’ve never experienced. Trees tower above you, skeletal branches reaching up like fingers. The limbs cast dark shadows in the bright sun, crossing over the dry brush underfoot, hiding foot falls and branches to trip on.
You walk on.
⧫⧫⧫
15 minutes left.
You decide to find a place to sit, ideally somewhere with a view but you can't me picky. A fallen tree does the job and you pull off the remainder of your helmet. Trying not to think about your imminent demise you look up. The suns are low, three of them. It twinges in your chest that you'll never go home, never see that sky again. Left to rot alone, no one who knows your traditions to perform your rites. Not that you deserve them. If you're going to put the ring back on, now would be the time. Make penance, but you don't think you can. Perhaps the hundred years wait is what you deserve.
7 minutes left.
There's someone approaching. Silhouetted against the scorching red sky, the heat rising from the ground distorting them, making you wonder if you’re hallucinating. The only clue they’re real is the crunch of the ground beneath their feet, but even that seems to echo around you.
Hope is the thing with feathers and it just flaps a wing wearily in your chest. And then stutters. The sun glints off their pistol, a beautiful sparkle that dims your hope. You do what you're good at, grab your own and shoot first. His gun flies from his hand and you smile, at least your aim is true. It falls off your face as quickly as it appears though as you feel a barrel press into your skull.
Clever buggers divided and conquered.
You drop your thrower but whoever it is doesn't lower theirs. “A little creature all alone,” a low voice drawls, “No helmet? No breath? What will we do with you?”
Staring straight at the man in front as he picks up your pistol and glares at you, you respond. “If we are going to chat, can we do it wherever your pod is? I have quite a story but I'll be dead in…” you look down at your dial, the gun increases its pressure on your skull as you try to suppress the panic “In about 5 minutes” the man remains silent, his pistol staying pressed into your skull. Your mind races, trying to find a way to argue your survival and clutches at the one thing you have. “I chose not to kill your friend when I could have done. Can you at least hear me out?”
The man behind you clicks his tongue “Ok! Well, I'm certainly intrigued and I'm sure even my partner here can't disapprove of allowing you to argue your case.” The comment seems pointed like he'll definitely disagree but even as you see his mouth twist he stays silent. “On your feet creature I'm not inclined to lug you back myself.” Standing the man lowers the thrower into your back and gently pushes you forward.
Their pod is close but you're feeling dizzier by the second and don't even think to protest when, as soon as you're in and the doors shut, the man at your back ties your hands behind you.
Focusing on him as he moves in front of you and pulls off his helmet you notice he’s favouring one arm and despite his sharp brown eyes, he looks feverish and drained. Not paying it much thought, you breathe deeply feeling sharper but it only draws your attention back to the pain in your body. Kevva you're tired. The urge to lie down and rest is near overwhelming, but the one who talks is eyeing you coldly for weakness, you’re no use if you can’t even stand.
Still, you try to get your bearings. The pod is small and rectangular, they haven’t turned the lights on and the looming shadows seem to pull in the walls, making your saviours into giants, making you feel like you’re pledging your case to The Olympians. There’s a small bench with a couple chairs next to a tiny stove and sink, there’s only one cot up against the wall, opposite what could be a cupboard but your eyes can’t make it out in the dim light.
“Now then creature, it's not every day we come across such a little thing with no air on this breathless planet and certainly not one who can shoot so damn straight!” The chuckles “I am just fascinated to know how you got into this predicament.”
You nod thinking carefully about your words. “We were a prospecting crew,” that's definitely a lie, “I'm an engineer but I know how to dig.” Well that's true at least, “Our ship fell of orbit but I managed to deploy the chutes in time so we didn't die on impact but…” you close your eyes as the images of the blood flashes before you.
“Let me guess your theatrical entrance gathered a welcoming party?”
“Something like that, I didn't realise my helmet had broken right away, I managed to run… I think everyone else is dead.” In a way you hope they are, else you really are in trouble.
The man is grinning at you, showing his teeth but the calculating gaze doesn’t falter “An engineer I'll be damned! And you can dig too? This is my lucky day. We happen to be in need of an engineer. See, our little pod has seen some better days and now it is unwilling to fly. Say, if you can fix it up and help us dig a smidgen, save us some time, we'll give you a lift out when the time comes? Quid pro quo”
An unwanted thought strikes you, settling deep in your stomach like a stone. “That sounds like a great deal but I won't be able to help you, not unless you supply me with a helmet.”
With that the other man seems to reach the end of his patience. And he moves gesturing at the talker.
“Now then, it just doesn't seem right to let such a pretty little thing suffocate on this rock... Well, I can't argue with that I suppose… I do apologise, little creature, I find myself, however unwittingly, agreeing with my partner. If you can’t help us then I can find no reasonable excuse to waste our resources on you. Looks like the deals off” he sighs “This is disappointing, I had such high hopes for our association.” With a shrug he pats your shoulder in sympathy that doesn’t meet his eyes. You shouldn't have hoped, your lucks all spent.
You take a deep breath, mind racing to find a way to survive, “Untie my hands at least, I'd appreciate some dignity as I walk to meet my maker.” You glance at your pack on the floor, you won’t need it now.
He pauses for a second, seeming to size you up before nodding and turning you around to face the door. In the reflection of the glass, you see the profile of his sharp features as he looks back, “Now then two, surely you can do the creature the quick the justice of a shot rather than a slow suffocation… Right good.” He cuts your hands loose and instantly the other man is there pressing his thrower into your back. You walk together, back into the waste.
There's only one way you're getting out of this so you close your eyes for a second and pause. He shoves you, lifting his gun to the back of your head. You take a breath and act.
Bending forwards and shoving your elbow up into his arm so the shot goes over your head, you spin knocking the gun aside and grab the small switchblade concealed in your pocket. He should have searched you. You don't hesitate as you stab him in the heart, following him to the ground and wrenching his helmet off. You close your eyes as the light leaves his.
Shaking off the nausea clamouring at you, you pull out the blade blanching as it sprays blood across you. You wipe it clean before stowing it away and then swipe a hand across your face, there’s no way to tell whether the deep red that rubs off on your hand is his or yours, or someone else’s. Feelin around in your pockets for a coin, you suppose the least you can do is pay his boatman so you place the coin under his tongue. You don’t pray. The dead don’t need it.
Ezra watches as you perform this strange ritual, he had to admit that he's captivated. Perhaps his wound has rotted so much he's delirious, finally driven mad by the toxins. Perhaps that was why he agreed to free your hands, why he didn’t check you for a blade. He considers you as he watches, so determined to stay alive.
You pull off the man's suit grateful he's small, even if it'll still swamp you, and grab his helmet. Stripping your own suit quickly you ignore the bandages on your forearm and pull his on. The fit isn't bad, it still seals around your wrists and ankles but it’s loose at your neck. You've got 12 minutes before you pass out unless you fix the hole your own knife made and get a tank of oxygen.
You look at the pod, the other man is watching you. Brown eyes piercing yours as if looking into your soul. It's him or nothing. You've got to try.
You approach the pod carrying your suit. Looking through the glass in the door and you gesture a setting for your radio, there’s a click followed by his harsh breathing.
“That was not especially kind, little creature. I certainly underestimated your ferociousness”
You shrug, “It was him or me.”
“What makes your existence so exponentially more important than his d’you think?”
You frown, “I didn't decide that it did, the powers that be choose. I did bring a knife to a gunfight” He smiles slightly and lets out a little chuckle.
Ezra watches you carefully, you look so tired, so small as you lean against the door of the pod his feverish brain seems to be attempting to soften a long-hardened heart. Still, he's not an idiot. “I'm afraid letting you in may be a detriment to my state of being, creature, you are indeed viscous and I'm not inclined to trust someone that murdered my acquaintance with so little hesitation.” He watches your eyes closed and for a second you look so hopeless but when they open, they've hardened.
“I could simply pull apart your pod from the outside, make sure you suffocate with me!” The last words come out in a shout of frustration. You bang your hand against the glass window of the door.
He glares at you, his voice low and menacing “I do not take lightly to threats, creature.”
This day’s too long, too hard, you've done too much. How many deaths? You realise that you can't kill someone for, sensibly, not letting you in. You laugh “I feel like the wolf at your door,” you sigh god your head hurts “There's no point!” you gesture, “Killing you would do nothing but damn me further I won't kill you out of spite. Fuck!” You glance and the dial on your arm,
6 minutes.
You turn away and sit, suit back against the door. It's as nice a spot as any. “I will choose to die here though I think, just as a reminder that you killed me when I fall through the next time you head out”
You chuckle at the macabre thought then turn off your radio and pull off the helmet.
3 minutes.
The final sun is setting, this really is Apollo's world and it is beautiful. The orange sky outlines the forest’s hands like an oil painting waving you off. Not a bad place to go at all.
2 minutes.
At least it's quiet.
1 minute.
Black spots are filling your vision, blurring out the beauty. Rude you think to yourself and you let out a delirious giggle.
The door behind you slides open and a strong hand grabs the back of the suite as you flop back, hauling you in, snagging the helmet and sealing the door. You don’t move, staring at the ceiling for a second breathing deeply.
Ezra drops heavily down onto the cot and watches you, you're quite something up close even covered in another's blood and your own, you're beautiful. He imagines this is what a witch would look like after a ritual, all blood and magic and secrets.
You open your eyes and peer up at him. “What changed your mind?”
He grins “Call it a reckless curiosity fuelled by this festering limb of mine.” He gestures to his arm.
It’s your turn to size him up, he seems to be looking worse by the minute and now slumped against the wall, you could probably just kill him and take what you need. Maybe you would if he hadn’t let you in. “Perhaps I can patch it up, I've got steady hands and too much experience with wounds from weapons” you struggle into a seated position with a grunt as pain flashes.
“You might as well have a gander, I'm afraid if left to my own devices I'll have to saw the thing off myself or else perish” He frowns down at his twitching fingers, “I do believe this may be my lowest point, little creature. I invite in trouble and then ask it for help? I have certainly had preferable days, for instance, when the ship I was presiding upon became infested with channel rats seems superior to today.”
You hum in reply not really paying attention as he continues to talk. Reaching for your pack, you pull out a pretty well stocked surgery kit.  “I'll numb it as best I can but it's not much”
“Anything that alleviates this agony will be a blessing little creature” You raise an eyebrow at him in acknowledgment, clearly doubting it as you hand him a tablet which he swallows. He pulls off his shirt and you examine the wound trying not to stare at his strong arms and broad chest. It’s a couple days old and badly infected, you’ll have to get out the rot before you can think of sealing it.
“Lie back” you tell him
“Perhaps in another situation your choice of language would be quite desirable” he smirks at you, not succeeding in disguising the worry in his face.
You sigh at the comment “Scream all you need but don't move”
That makes him chuckle, “You're a siren luring me in to slay me, aren't you?” His jaw clenches as you start cutting away the rotted flesh. It is slow work, carefully taking as little pink away as possible. To his credit he doesn't move a muscle and you know it must be agony. He talks the entire time, telling the tale of how he got himself shot in such a long-winded way you can’t tell the truth from the fiction. It seems to give him distraction though, so you don’t ask if he’s lying. As you close the wound with foam, he smiles at you, softer than before.
“Names Ezra, by the way.” Then he passes out.
He’s rather strange you decide, but most prospectors are. You’ve got to be a bit odd to spend your days nearly isolated on hostile planets. Asleep he looks peaceful, none of the calculating gaze or darkness. That little patch of blonde is so distinctive, you find yourself almost hypnotised by his face. Frowning at yourself you move away and sit back against the other side of the pod facing the cot.
A few things left to do with him unconscious, you pull off the stolen suit and grab the patch gun from your pack, melting it closed. You pull it back on and holster your pistol. Sitting back, you take a pill from your med kit to ease the pain in your chest and let it pull you into sleep.
Unsurprisingly, you wake before him. You check he's alive then pack your stuff together. You're even, you suppose. He saved your life. You saved his (or at least his arm) and you'd rather not stay around to find out if, when less fevered, he decides to get more even with you for killing his partner. He did give you his name though and names are powerful things so you pull out your notebook and leave a note as you grab an oxygen tank.
You glance behind you as the door seals behind you but you don’t turn back. If you head towards the ship your crew had brought down yesterday, it should have an escape pod still on it. Hopefully you can fix it up if needs be. You follow your compass East.
⧫⧫⧫
Ezra wakes slowly, he hasn't slept so deeply in years, he feels comfortable if a little cold and slowly he opens his eyes. The previous day returns to him in a haze, a pretty face and bright eyes glaring through the door, a gesture to old gods, his arm…
He looks down and moves his fingers. It's good, remarkably so, still stiff and aching but whatever you’d given him seems to have hurried his healing. That stuffs expensive. Not the sort of thing a prospector would usually have and certainly not something they'd share. You were quite strange, he concludes, but fascinating. Why on earth would someone who could act so brutally for their own survival give him something so valuable? Sure, he let you in but you certainly hadn't needed to let him know you had such a thing in your possession. He supposed guilt over his partner, perhaps you were truly naïve or, bizarrely, you could have money. Which would create a more baffling question of just how you ended up here.
It doesn't occur to Ezra for a moment the other reason, until he looks around the pod to find you gone along with a portable oxygen canister leaving a bit of paper in its place. Things stolen hold less value.
The paper was clearly torn from a notebook on it, it simply said your name.
He curses pulling on his suit and following your tracks into the forest. The trail is light but visible, branches broken where you’d passed, dry brush crushed under your feet. He moves quickly, sure of his footing after spending so much time navigating the dead forest. He’s only travelled about a mile before he can hear you moving ahead.
⧫⧫⧫
You walk through the trees, one sun shining above you warming your bones. As you check your direction you pause. A twig snaps and you freeze listening carefully. There's another noise behind you and you spin tensing. You can't see anything or anyone as you peer around you, the forest is too dense.
A body crashes into you from behind flinging you into the ground, looping something around your neck. Your head ricochets off the inside of your helmet shaking your brain, opening the cut again but not breaking the glass. You try to lurch up but get nowhere so you roll into your back with them now beneath you but the cord around your neck holds you back. Choking, you catch your fingers in it so you can breathe and pull forwards, hard, rolling again and thrusting your helmet back into theirs, loosening their grip enough so you can pull the cord away, only for them to shove you head down into the ground.
The world is swimming now, wobbling around you as you try to get your body to listen to you. To get away. To fight back. Anything! But their weight on your back prevents you from moving. You try to look out of the corner of your eye to see your opponent but get nothing. It surprises you when a tear tracks down your face. You suppose you have been putting off the inevitable for days now, Kevva has called you back.
Whoever it is clicks on your radio and a familiar voice hisses, “You stupid fucking cunt, I'm bringing you to hell with-“ A shot rings out and the body slumps on top of you, you lift yourself up and shove it off sitting up on your haunches looking around for the shooter.
It's him, Ezra, gun still trained on you. He watches you halt, eyes wide.
“You took something of mine, and although usually I don't go out of my way to find trouble, which you little creature certainly are. I awoke to find myself abandoned and a little peeved to discover that you had liberated a couple of my possessions and shimmied out of part of our prior agreement.”
Your heads still spinning and with the blood trickling into your eye you find it immensely difficult to focus on what he is saying. “Prior agreement?”
“Yes indeed. You'll find you had affirmed in exchange for breath you would fix up my little ship so when the time comes, I may leave this barely liveable planet. I do not appreciate reneging”
You squeeze your eyes shut.
“On your feet creature,” he approaches, “I find myself growing impatient.” You stand and instantly stumble forward. He grabs onto your shoulder steadying you, his other hand darting out before you can relax and snagging your thrower from its holster. “I underestimated you once, I will not again. Now, your assailant seemed to know you, if I'm not mistaken, by the way they deemed to remark upon you. Pray tell me the tale?”
Looking at him you do feel a lot like prey. He's close, grip still firm on your shoulder and towering over you. A grin showing all his teeth like a wolf, all you would need is a red cloak and you’re dinner.
You glance down at the body and clench your jaw, it was Cora. Formally, a member of your crew, she had always distrusted you. Rightfully so, you think to yourself.
Steadying yourself you shrug off Ezra's grip, ignoring the gun still aimed at you and kneel down to pull off her helmet. Taking a coin from your pocket you place it under her tongue and look back up at him, the helmet still in your grasp. He's watching you curiously, seeming to be rolling words around in his mouth as if completely thrown by your behaviour.
“She was part of my crew, I was the engineer so the crash was my fault,” well that was definitely true.
Ezra chuckles darkly, “I'm not too sure I want you to repair my ship after all, creature. Your predilection for incident does appear wearisome.”
You tilt your head up at him, “See any other engineers around here?”
“I suppose you'll have to do, but I will be watching you mighty closely little bird, in case you decide to take flight again.” You frown at the new nickname but don't get a chance to argue as you both hear a horn a little way off. “Unfortunately, my shot appears to have alerted the ever-irritable locals to our location.” He grabs your arms and hauls you back to your feet pulling you along with him as he walks back the way you had come, Cora’s helmet still clasped in your hand. “Luckily the settlers are not quick on their feet, I must say.”
You can't think of a response, your head is still reeling and your feet feel like lead as you trudge after him, his hand gripping firmly onto your wrist.
You're grateful you hadn't travelled far when he tugs you into the pod. Closing the door and turning, Ezra finds you slumping down to sit on the floor ripping off your helmet and attempting to wipe the blood out of your eye. It feels a little voyeuristic as he watches you tug off the suit soaked with his partner's blood, revealing the black insulating vest and leggings beneath before flopping back eyes closed for a moment. You feel his stare and pointedly ignore it as you grab your own suit, abandoned the day before, and shimmy into it. Cora had the same suit and so her helmet will fit yours. You feel a little relief at no longer having to wear the blood of someone you'd killed, not to mention more secure in something that fits.
Glancing up at Ezra as you transfer your possessions between pockets yet again you see he's elected to tie his suit up around his waist revealing those damn arms again. He crouches down in front of you and gently grasps your chin to tilt your head up at him. “That's quite the cut you've got there little bird.”
He carefully watches your face but your head is still fuzzy so with no retort he moves away from you and picks up your med kit. He cleans your wound gently, wiping the dried blood off your face. As he does, you study him. Close up you can see the wrinkles around his eyes from when he smiles and the curved scar on his cheek. Fighting off the impulse to trace your fingers over it, you ask how he got it. He grins as he places a plaster on your head “Now that’s quite a story” but you don’t get to hear it yet, sounds outside means the settlers have found the pod.
“They'll leave provided they don't know we're here” He grumbles, tugging you into the cupboard running along the wall.
It’s slim but long inside, there are blankets on the floor, a lantern and a small stack of tattered books. “Do you sleep in a cupboard?” you have to ask but you do your best to keep the incredulity out of your tone.
“I'd rather you didn't insult my little burrow as a guest, there's only one cot in this pod and I lost the wager so I made do. I think you’ll find it’s rather cosy”
You nod, a little thrown by his change in attitude since being in the forest. As you both sit you watch his face in the golden light of the lamp. It makes him appear to glow, almost like a painting. He'd look almost relaxed if it wasn't for how his eyes were watching you carefully.
Ezra studies your features, if you hadn't been such a bringer of chaos, he'd think he'd made you up, that, or Kevva had reached into his head and plucked you out. You're just perfect, perhaps anything his own mind could come up with would have to come with chaos, there was no fun without it.
The quiet moment is disrupted by a bang on the side of the pod, you jump and Ezra tenses slightly but seems to be expecting it. “They're trying to frighten out anyone inside” he whispers, “If we stay quiet and hidden, we'll be just fine”
You nod and tilt your head back against the wall trying to block out the noise as Ezra reaches for the book at the top of his stack. You read the title ‘Perfume’, you haven't heard of it but judging by the battered pages and writing in the margins Ezra knows it intimately. He glances at you. “It is a tale of a man who gets so enraptured with the scent of a woman he endeavours to turn her essence into perfume.”
You hum in response “That sounds a little morbid.”
Reaching into your bag you pull out a similarly dog-eared copy of ‘The Power’ and do your best to ignore the man opposite you.
Ezra frowns at his book. It's not often a good read fails to pull him into its world but something about your presence has driven him to distraction. Instead, he closes the book and continues to study you, it's a nice change having a stranger in such close quarters. You're frowning at your book a little furrow in your brow he finds endearing. It's only then he notices you're shaking. He wonders if it's from the death of your friend, from the settlers’ insistent pounding on the side of the pod or from him. He supposes it's quite scary to be trapped in a small space with someone twice your size and he hasn't exactly been kind to you. Ezra frowns to himself, not that you've given him a reason to act kindly. You will be useful to each other but there's no point making friends on such rough terms.
You look up meeting his eye as he glowers at you and swiftly glance away, trying to take up as little space as possible.
“You said you came to prospect?” he murmurs to you. You look back at him, wide eyed, and nod. “Good, you can help me finish me dig, 60/40 split, since you so callously divested me of my partner.”
You nod “You ridded me of mine too. Looks like we're even again. Equal split.” He’s tempted to laugh at your boldness, negotiating with no leverage. He keeps his face stern, unwilling to let you know how much he is enjoying your spark.
“I don't think so.” he speaks lowly making you tense, “I will permit that without you my arm would be about as useful as stim gum is at staving off hunger. And at least to me my arm is equal to a partner.” He tilts his head at you, the light cutting plains across his skin, “Even so… we still aren't even. That’s twice I saved your troublesome arse. One could suggest you’re indebted to me.”
To his surprise you nod, even as your jaw clenches and he watches you swallow “I guess I'll have to make it up to you another way. Even split or I don’t dig” That breaks him, he can’t hold in his grin at your fearlessness. He strongly suspects you’ve had an abundance of practice getting what you're owed from characters more unscrupulous than himself. He frowns at that, even hardened prospectors treat him warily, there must be something else to you. He agrees though, more out of curiosity than necessity.
“Even split it is then.”
⧫⧫⧫
You both agree there's no point going out to dig with the settlers so close but after the noise has subsided Ezra looks you over and suggests you shower. You don't tell him what a gift that is but he sees how your eyes light up at the prospect of washing off the past days’ grime. He hands you a towel and as the water starts running, he distracts himself from picturing you naked by satisfying some of his inquisitiveness and going through your pack.
There's not much of interest. Your med kit, some protein bars, instant caf, ammunition but in the front pocket he finds an old ring. Round like a signet but instead of a family emblem it is simply a small coin, plated in gold. He studies it, it's roughly hewn, well-made but not particularly fine. He wonders if you stole this too, but it isn't flashy and everything else you've taken had been useful so he posits it is yours, but why don't you wear it? Frowning he puts it back as he spots a notebook, worn and well-loved but as he reaches for it the water shuts off and he leaves your pack, choosing to get nourishment for you both before you sleep.
You emerge dressed just in your leggings and vest, Ezra gestures to the seat noticing the bandage on your arm. “What did you do that your mystical little tablets cannot heal?”
You finger the material absentmindedly, “Oh it's an old wound I keep reopening, better to keep it covered to prevent infection.”
He peers at you clearly unconvinced but he doesn’t question you further, you avoid his eyes looking at the floor as he sticks some food in front of you. “Eat up little creature, we've hard work to do tomorrow and we'll need our energy.”
You take a mouthful before asking, “Where will we sleep?”
“Better we stay out of sight in case our hospitable friends return, so back into the burrow. And I'd rather keep you close in case you start to feel flighty again” You sigh but to his surprise don't argue, perhaps the settlers really did shake you.
Ezra returns to studying you as you both eat, without your suit on he can see the harsh bruises around your neck where your former friend had tried to strangle you but the gash through your eyebrow has stopped bleeding and fresh from the shower, you're quite the vision. It has been so long since he'd had another body to warm his bed and you look so soft and vulnerable without the suit and imminent danger, he finds himself picturing you under him, writhing, brow furrowed like before. His hands grabbing your arms, your hips, your neck- He shakes himself of the image. Your partnership is tenuous at best without bringing in the pleasures of the flesh and he doesn't really want to scare you off potentially leaving him alone and trapped on this world.
When you've eaten you head into Ezra's ‘burrow’ as he called it and settle opposite each other, legs stretched out in front, feet almost touching. Ezra is next to the door ensuring you can't leave without waking him but you're not inclined to try, you know your luck is running out. You're grateful he doesn't try to scare you into staying, instead curiously he picks up his book and looks at you. 
“I propose an exchange, it appears we are both almost prepared to recite our beloved tomes cover to cover, so, would you acquiesce your book for mine?”
You shrug, “I wouldn't mind something new but I'm not sure how much you'd enjoy ‘The Power’ and I have nothing else.”
He smiles his eyes crinkling with amusement, “Well then, read me the blurb and let me decide for myself. It seems only I would know what I may delight in.”
“It's about how women become the dominant gender in the world, told by a man in the future where a male dominated society seems absurd.”
Ezra grins, “I am intrigued! It'll be a joy to discuss books with another person, a pleasure I can rarely partake in”
You smile back as you swap books. A tentative exchange that leaves you both a little hopeful for the progress of your partnership.
You both read in silence until you yawn twice in a row causing Ezra to yawn too and he suggests you turn in. Or you guess he does, his choice of language seems to baffle you here and there. He wrangles a blanket out from under you and you settle in, top to tail, his feet level with your chest and yours to below his hip. You didn't realise how the adrenaline of the day had worn you out and you're asleep in seconds. 
You awake on your front, head nestled into your arm. It's pitch black and there's a weight on your ankle. Trying not to panic you wait for your eyes to adjust and peer over your shoulder to see what's grabbed you. It's Ezra.
Asleep on his back one hand on his stomach where the blankets had been shoved down and his under shirt had risen revealing a strip of tan skin glowing in the low light. You try not to focus on that. His other hand, by his side wrapping nearly all the way around your ankle. You wonder if he grabbed you awake to stop you trying to escape or if unconscious, he simply wanted to keep your warm body close, that idea makes you feel a little soft, this is easily the gentlest he's touched you apart from patching your head. You debate if you should shake him off but you don't want to wake him and his warm hand is anchoring so you just put your head back down on your arms and go back to sleep.
⧫⧫⧫
Ezra had his sleeping pattern nailed down, a necessary thing for a prospector, usually out cold for 7 hours so he's surprised when he startles awake. He doesn't usually dream. He grasps at the threads of images his mind had conjured committing them to memory. It was about you and it was enough to make him flush and now as he rouses himself, he gently detaches his hand from your ankle unsure about when he grabbed it. It's still early, he looks over you asleep on your stomach breathing slowly. He sighs adjusting himself in his pants if he can't get these images of his head, he's going to have an even more difficult time working with you than he already will. Desire is fickle like that he supposes, giving him a beautiful creature, he can't trust. One who is clearly concealing something and who certainly doesn't desire him in return. A beep tells him the suns are rising and you begin to stir
“Arise little bird, a day off struggle and fortune lays in wait.”
You grumble in return shuffling onto your back and sitting. Ezra tries not to stare as the blanket slips away revealing your body. To avoid further thoughts, he leaves his burrow taking his suit, subtly clutching it to his front so as not to alert you to his predicament, and heads for the shower to sort himself out, eternally grateful that the pod had connected to an underground lake making the water supply essentially infinite. Hopefully a brisk wash will clear his head and body of the lust.
You flop back and sigh. That damn blonde tuft and those sharp features were following you even into sleep. It had been far too long since you'd enjoyed another person and if it wasn't for the dilemma you were in, Ezra would be an easy yes. Broad and handsome and charming in a way that just spelled trouble, but your uneasy alliance, and your lies, and the fact that he could easily kill you make you especially wary of being vulnerable in the way you truly crave. Instead, you shake yourself, grab your pack, dig around for that terrible instant caf and leave the cupboard.
Ezra's shower was doing nothing for his erection. Feeling a little exasperated he grasps it harshly and tries not to picture you so vivid in his dream moaning around him. The water raining down on him acts as a lubricant as he harshly begins pumping his hand not wanting to take his time and fall into a fantasy of you. It doesn't work, he imagines how soft your hands would be, how wet you'd be, how he'd take you here up against the tiles. It's quick and dirty. He grunts, swears, then cums, the water washing the sin away leaving him panting and if anything, more frustrated than before.
You hear Ezra swear in the shower and wonder vaguely if he dropped something as you grab two mugs and start heating water for caf. The shower shuts off and you look round as he emerges with a towel wrapped around his waist. His eyes are dark and he looks furious so you turn away and try not to think about how the water droplets on his broad shoulders shimmer as he disappears back into the cupboard.
Seeing you there, making you both caf, dressed in your underclothes sparked a craving of domesticity within Ezra. For the briefest moment you weren't a reluctant partner on a hostile planet, instead you were a lover he could wrap his arms around from behind as you giggle and try to get breakfast and it aches.
When Ezra re-emerges, dressed with his hair sticking in all directions, you've put his caf on the small bench and are sitting waiting for him. He sits too and picks it up.
“There's only a couple months left in the dig” he says, “You up to it? I will be displeased if you slow us down”
You glare, so this is what he's worried about, “Don't worry I've had plenty of practice. If anything, I'd worry about your arm!”
He grins at you “No need to fret little creature, I managed to do my job with a hole in it and with your miraculous medication, it is only a little unyielding.” He carefully looks over your face, “Speaking of, I would appreciate you being candid in not only the precise location you acquired such a potion but why in Kevva you deigned see fit to give it to me?”
He watches you chew on your words, “I relieved them from a man who sought to take from me, and I gave them to you to even my debt. You saved my life if I didn't give you one, I wouldn't have been able to save your arm.”
What a strange little thing, he thinks, so worried about balance, “Did you happen to also relieve this man of his life?” You stare into your cup and don't answer “Well if he sought to take from you, I'll assume it was just.”
You sit in silence as Ezra smoothly changes the subject and grabs a bar for you, spinning quite the tale as you eat. Not stopping for breath as you pull on your suits, boots and helmets, only pointing you towards the equipment you need to grab before opening the door and leading you back into waste.
Ezra hadn't given you back your thrower which you supposed was fair although he had left you your blade which you're sure he remembered you carried. Perhaps a little act of faith to gain your trust? It didn't hurt. 
As you approach the site Ezra looks back at you, “Stay close little creature we wouldn't want you to get lost.” His voice is low and threatening and sends a shiver down your spine that isn't entirely fear. You nod slowly and he grins, wolf-like just as before, as if outside you the pod he is an entirely different beast to reckon with. 
“I'll get in the pit and do the heavy lifting, you can treat and polish on the surface, we'll go for as long as we've got light and head back. It's gonna be a long day little bird”
The dig comes as a relief, the repetitive labour clears your head and Ezra seems to be filled to the brim with stories and anecdotes, although, you don't think you're actually learning much about him. The way he talks is open yet totally guarded, as if he has the compulsion to speak but the sense not to trust you. You aren't offended, it's not like you're exactly opening up to him either. The day passes quickly like this and as the sun dips too low to see well Ezra hauls himself out of the pit, tells you to pack up and you both head back to the pod to eat and sleep. You wake with his hand around your ankle again.
⧫⧫⧫
A couple of days in, the suns seem to be burning even hotter than before. The dig is gruelling and you’re grateful Ezra so far, hadn’t let you into the pit. You aren’t sure you could bear it in this heat. By the time you finish and return to the pod, taking off your helmet is a relief. You feel hot and sticky and bone tired so you plop yourself down into the cot in the main room still in your suit. Ezra chuckles, “You must be out of practice, else you'd still find these long days easy.”
Ah, so he is bringing it up. You raise your head to look at him, “I still kept up with you, didn't I?”
“True, true, although I am not functioning at full capacity at the present time.” He gestures to his arm.
You flop back and gaze at the ceiling, “Or I just survived a crash from space a few days ago and I'm still a bit worn out.”
That makes him laugh. It's a big warm noise, that makes you giggle too at the absurdity of it all. 
“Are you confident you wish to slumber there?”
“Why? You afraid I'm going to make another break for it?”
His grin is just a little softer now, “A little. But if I were you, I'd be more concerned about the neighbours might pop by.”
“Shit, alright” you sit up and instantly yawn.
“Let's get some food in you and turn in, little bird. If I'm not careful I'll have to carry you into my burrow.”
Smiling back, you mock him a little, “With your arm? I'm not sure you'd be capable.”
At that he grins and you realise you've given him a challenge he won't back down from. Stalking up to you like a cat he seizes you under the arms and hauls you against his chest making you huff and giggle as you try to wriggle free. He carries you across the pod like you weigh nothing and plonks you down on the little work bench. Hovering too close for just a moment too long, his breath ghosting your cheek.
“Now how about you keep your smart comments to yourself, lest I have to keep proving you wrong?” he smiles at you, letting you see the crow’s feet by his eyes. 
“I'll admit defeat this time I suppose, but you really should go easy on that arm!”
Ezra turns away from you, his heart pounding a little and reluctant to leave your embrace. Instead, he ignores the feeling urging him to clasp you close and grabs your food. As you slide off the bench and into a seat, he hands you a bowl. Neither of you attempt to meet the other's eye and both of you fail to see the flushed face of your companion.
Once again sleep comes easy, the hard work making your body crave rest to heal but even so in the dark you wake. There's no rush of panic this time instead you feel warm and sleepy as you glance at Ezra at the other end of the cupboard. He's not grasping your ankle instead his side is pressed against yours, leg to leg. It's cosy and in your half-awake state you don't think about how you had gone to sleep separated, and who had sought out whom in the black.
The next day goes much the same, you bicker before you head out deciding who should be in the pit and who shouldn't. Ezra concedes that he'll do the treating of the gems today if you keep alternating so neither of you gets too worn out. You agree though you point out yet again that he needs to go easy on his arm and he points out your bruises and gash on the head as hypocrisy. It's an argument with no malice and it feels refreshing to have a go at someone without worrying they'll get angry and shoot you. Although perhaps you should be more concerned by how at ease you are. If he was to see the scar on your arm, you doubt he'd be so understanding. 
As the day ends Ezra offers you his hand to pull you out of the pit, his touch lingering in yours for just a second too long.
⧫⧫⧫
Working like this you form a sort of routine. Up early, dig till you can't see, talk, eat, sleep, press together in the night. Ezra is starting to reveal little details about himself, where he was born, how he got into prospecting, his favourite books. In a way it makes you feel guilty for staying guarded, only relinquishing the barest details about yourself, but if he notices he doesn't point it out. 
A month passes like this and as you watch Ezra hop into the pit you wonder vaguely if he'll ever run out of things to talk about. He describes an incident where an amateur prospector managed to get his arm stuck in the pit resulting in its brutal amputation but your attention fails as you wait for the next potential gem and you look into the trees behind you. 
An uneasy feeling claws at you so trusting your gut you tell Ezra to shut up and get down out of sight just as someone emerges. No one you recognise, thank Kevva, and not a settler either. They are carrying a rifle though. Bowing your head to your work so they can't see your mouth move, you quickly describe what's happening.
“I can only see one, he's armed. A prospector. You stay quiet unless I shout.”
“Right then birdie. I await your call.”
You look up at the man staying on your knees and gesture your radio setting.
“What's someone like you doing out here all alone?” You repress a shudder at his tone.
“Same as you, I expect, making my way in the universe.” He comes closer and you fight the urge to back away but you don't want to draw attention to Ezra. “I don't have much to offer you and I don't take kindly to thieves.”
“Big talk from someone unarmed.” Wishing Ezra had given back your thrower, you stand and decide an attempt to bargain will be the best option.
“What do you want then, we can trade.”
“I'm not looking to trade anymore, I'm stuck here. My team's dead.” He levels his gun at you. “If you take me to your ship, I'll let you live for a price. Protest too much and I'll shoot and have my way while you bleed out.”
You gulp and stand starting to back away. Even with the element of surprise Ezra will have to act quick and be lucky if you both want to live. Why would he though, he doesn't have much motivation to risk his life for yours, he'll just have to hitch another ride. The man keeps moving towards you as you reach the edge of the pit, eyes not leaving your face and presses the gun to your chest. You glance down for a moment, hoping he doesn't look too, and see wide brown eyes and a miniscule nod. 
At the same moment Ezra reaches up, you drop back into the pit and land heavily on your back, winded. He slices across your assailants achilles tendon and grabs onto his leg pulling him in after you. Frozen in place, you watch the tussle, for the first time properly witnessing how formidable of a foe Ezra can be. His size and strength easily overpower the other man as he rolls on top, throwing down heavy blows that fill the air with the soft thuds of impact, like a heartbeat. A yell is cut off with a gurgle as Ezra shoves his blade into the man’s neck repeatedly, using his weight to hold the man down until he stills.
There's a moment before he turns, he lowers his head trying hard to calm his harsh breathing and sighs. “I do apologise little bird,” he turns to you scowl in place, eyes dark. “For my brutality, I'd rather you didn't have to bear witness.”
His voice is low and he's watching you carefully as you sit up. You feel lost for words at how far he'd gone to defend you, you wonder how close he got to becoming the man dead in front of you. Alone and cruel. All you can do is nod in response.
Ezra curses himself at how quiet you've become. Moving the body out of the pit had taken time and once done, as he watched you place a coin in his mouth, he'd announced that to continue the dig today would be futile with adrenaline running so high and at your nod you had gathered the equipment and headed back to the pod. He watches you carefully as you pull off your suit and decides that the fact you didn't just sprint for the trees after what he did was a good sign. But you continue to surprise him.
“Thank you,” you say softly, “For not letting him…”
“Nonsense, without the pleasure of your company I don't doubt my humanity would soon become as weathered as his own.” He frowns, “It was rather like being visited by the ghost of Christmas yet to come.” You tilt your head not really sure what that means but he shrugs. “Don't fret about it.”
Then there's silence as you watch each other. Lost in thought as you make your meal and eat.
Ezra ponders on the panic he felt deep in his chest at the waver in your voice. He wonders when saving you switched from utilitarian need to something more. He knows how stupid it is to get attached, how reckless. But your bright eyes and determination to stay alive were admirable and captivating and he craves to know more, what makes you laugh, how well you'd take him. He sighs and attempts to brush the lust aside. Even if you weren't terrified of him, he just knew you were concealing something.
The silence stretches out, both unwilling to break it, as you head into the burrow. For the first time, you sleep next to each other. 
⧫⧫⧫
Ezra is wrapped around you when you wake, safe and warm and comforting. You can feel his heartbeat against your back, its steady rhythm relaxing you before your brain starts whirring. Then you feel guilty, like you're taking advantage of him. He doesn't realise how much you enjoy him holding you close and you certainly don't deserve it. The weight of your lies heavy on your shoulders you ease out of his arms, careful not to wake him, and leave the sanctuary of the burrow. 
A wonderful dream slips away from him as he stirs. His little bird's weight in his arms, grounding him, giving him something to protect. Looking round for you and finding you gone, he swears and stumbles to his feet. Kevva, he hoped you hadn't left him alone.
He almost sighs with relief when he leaves his burrow just to spot you sitting by the window watching the suns rise, notebook in hand and mug beside you. You look up, a little wary of his wide eyes but shrug. “I couldn't sleep.”
“Me neither little creature, my dreams are haunted.” He picks up your mug and takes a sip, with a grimace he says “Can you truly enjoy something so acrimonious?”
You chuckle, “Habit I guess.”
“Well, it's certainly rousing” he smiles at you “What are you scribbling there?”
“I had a look round the ship, it's all the repairs I need to do.” You hesitate, “If we swing by the other crashed ship for a couple parts, we can be gone in two days.”
Ezra's eyes darken just a little, his voice low, “You wouldn't be trying to wiggle out of our agreement now? The dig isn't done and I demand satisfaction.”
He watches your mouth twist, “It's just I think our luck's run, the longer we stay the more trouble we're going to get like yesterday.”
“That cannot be helped, little creature. I'd like to live well for a while, and so, the dig must be completed.” You think to that other ship, there's immeasurable wealth on it but you can't tell him. Then he'd know what you were. So instead, you nod and start preparing for the day.
The change in your attitude has Ezra feeling nervous. He realises if he doesn't show a little faith, you won't feel safe and he'll lose you, and possibly himself. Just before opening the door to the waste, he turns to you, “Here.”
He's holding your pistol out to you, frowning slightly, you peer up at him “What?”
“If something like yesterday happens again I'd rather you be able to look after yourself,” you nod and reach for it but he keeps it in his grip for a moment, “Don't get any ideas” his voice is low and dangerous eyes hard on you. You swallow and nod shoving it into your holster.
To your relief the dig is quiet and Ezra has returned to chatting away to you from his perch outside the pit and eventually you're able to chat back making him laugh as the day passes.
There's a change between you, him trusting you to be armed has given you a chance to breathe, but, with that a new tension has come between you. One you're trying very hard to ignore. It’s crawled into your head and planted thoughts of closeness, of more, that you can ignore during the day but not at night.
After that day you'd formed a new routine. Going to sleep next to Ezra and waking up feeling secure in his arms before the guilt hits and you leave before he wakes. Not letting him know the comfort you've found there. 
⧫⧫⧫
Apart from the locals coming to bang on your walls every few days, weeks pass incident free as you both perform this dance around each other. Ezra finds that his cold showers are doing less and less to quell his lust, and heart is another matter entirely. So, he ignores it, treats you a little coolly, tries not to scare you off, it's getting more difficult now nearly every night he dreams of you. Sometimes it's lewd, sometimes you're chatting together, the worst are when he dreams he's just holding you. He might think it was real if not for how when he wakes up you aren't there.
Until the morning he wakes first. 
He's groggy, breathing deeply and so, so comfortable. It takes a moment to get his bearings. Shifting slightly, he realises how he's curled around you, hand on the strip of skin of your stomach where your shirt has rolled up, face pressing into the back of your neck and he has to fight the urge to kiss it. When you moan quietly, he props himself up on his arm looking down at you in the low light. For a moment he thinks you're having a nightmare but you flushed, breathing shallowly and he's certain you aren't. When you whimper, he shudders, such a pretty noise. He feels tempted to stay pressed against you, to touch you, to make you make more of those noises. He fights it off, and eases away from you stepping out of the warmth of his burrow. 
He thinks, perhaps later he can talk to you, there's nothing wrong with getting some pleasure and easing some stress in each other’s arms. There isn't long left of the dig and then you'll go your separate ways, the thought stings a little. He leans back against the door. Kevva, he craves more, he wants to learn every inch of you intimately, to learn what makes you tick, to wake up with you in his arms. It aches deep in his chest, so many years spent in poor company. He hears you moan once more and groans himself, pushing off the door he trudges to the shower.
For the first time in ages, he runs it hot before stepping in and grasping his cock. He lets himself take his time, starting slow, increasing the pace till he feels like he could explode then slowing right back down again. He doesn't fight off the images of you that spring into his head now he knows what you can sound like. He imagines you making them with his tongue on you, fingers buried in you as he presses you down, how you'd whine his name, how you'd beg. Ezra grunts, staving off his orgasm once more his cock red and throbbing with his heartbeat. He pictures sinking into you, hot and wet with you pliable in his arms as he fucks you into the ground. He cums hard with a growl and a curse and then curses himself both for being loud and for allowing himself to yearn for you, then finally he begins to wash.
⧫⧫⧫
You wake with a start, panting. Your dream is vivid in your mind. Ezra grasping your hands so you couldn't move as he fucked you with his tongue moaning against you. He'd talked too, both eloquent and totally filthy as he got you exactly where he wanted you. You huff, now you were left frustrated and still pining for a man who must just see you as a utility, a way to get off this planet. Hell, he barely even knew anything about you, didn't know the most important thing. But you know you can't stay in this limbo for long now, the digs nearly done and after then what can you do. There are two options, tell him who you are and how you feel and hope for the best or just ignore it, get off the planet, take your money, and go live the quiet life you'd intended. You focus on this debate and instead of the wetness between your legs as you leave the cupboard.
You look around for Ezra and exhale as you hear the shower running, there's no way for him to know what you were dreaming of, right?
That's when you hear him, it's a low, erotic groan followed by a string of swear words and you flush as you became achingly aware of how wound tight you are. You turn away and try to ignore it, heating up water for both of your cafs as the shower stops. 
As it brews the steel door swings open and Ezra emerges wrapped in a towel and glowering, you ignore his stare and the way droplets of water slide down his chest making you want to lick him as you hand him a mug. 
Ezra watches you gnaw on your lip as you look him over and can't hold in the grin at how frustrated you seem. He can't help but tease. 
“Did you have pleasant dreams little bird? You seemed unwilling to rise this delightful morning.”
His grin widens with your eyes as you look away “Err I don't remember… did you sleep ok?”
“Like I was in the welcoming arms of a lover” He doesn't miss your little inhale of breath, and he wonders how best to broach the topic of mutual pleasure with you. Perhaps it'll quell the urge to keep you safe in his arms.
The way Ezra is teasing you makes you think perhaps he can read your mind. As he goes to dress you make a decision, after the dig you'll explain how you really got here, explain how you don't want to leave him after the dig is done. And hopefully he'll be worn out enough that, should he decide you're too much of a liability, you can out run him.
As you head out an uneasy feeling settles in your stomach, you tell Ezra as much but he just chuckles, “Perhaps you're still tired”
The morning goes smoothly, you're in the pit this time handing stuff out every so often to Ezra, his fingers brushing yours. Both of you work quickly, you puff, out of breath, as you stretch yourself up for yet another hand off. His ability to talk is once again surprising you. You laugh at his story despite the unease and the beat of the sun in your back and miss the delighted expression that crosses Ezra's face from your position in the pit.
Like a light switching, the energy shifts. You know there's trouble before Ezra mumbles through the comm “Little bird, stay down. Company approaches.”
Your blood runs cold when a voice responds, already on your frequency, a voice you know. “Greetings friend, we think you can help us out.”
Ezra eyes the pair in front of him, knowing you’d been made was adding a layer of worry to a tense situation, “I'll help if I can but, you're encroaching on my little territory you know how it is. I will be obliged to defend it”
You hear the pair step closer “Actually we're looking for someone,” your eyes slip closed as you stay stock-still, “See they greatly are responsible for our predicament. However,” the voice is clear like they already know you're here, crap, how long did they listen in? “If they were to help us find something we've lost. I can assure their punishment is… swift.”
You swallow as they step to the edge of the pit, Damon glares down at you “Hello darling, long time no see”
Ezra looks shockingly calm, still smiling as you glance at him, “Now then, that is not a polite way to address my partner.”
The other man scoffs, second in command Barlow, “Your partner? Back to your old ways I see.” He looks Ezra up and down. “You’re their type”
You think perhaps you see Ezra's jaw clench before he's grinning “It hardly seems fair for you to make off with my partner, does it? No, not without compensation which unless my ears deceive me, you can't give me without them.”
Before you can blink guns are drawn and you feel like a fish in a barrel, stuck in the pit without Ezra to pull you out.
“You don't know who we are, do you? I suppose in the suits you can't tell but I'd have thought with your… intimate relationship to our engineer you might have figured it out.”
Ezra’s gun doesn't waver for a second but his mind reels. The bandage on your arm, it couldn't be. Surely, he hadn't been so blinded by your company not to notice that. His eyes darken and he thinks, for a moment this man, Damon, realises he's going to die the split second before Ezra shoots.
Barlow’s slower, surprised at him for making the first move but despite his fumble this was a real stand-off. He meets Ezra's glare and they're frozen in time for a moment. Just as he watches the man start to squeeze the trigger and prepare to shoot, he flops sideways. Ezra swings his thrower round you see you, gun in one hand, body turned to the side, still poised from the shot neither of them had seen coming.
Ezra looks as surprised as you feel, even taking aim you hadn't been sure you should save him. But, in the second the men had forgotten about you, you'd let instinct take over and your instinct had chosen Ezra. You hoped it was correct.
Perhaps not. You watch as Ezra’s face darkens, his teeth bared as he levels his pistol at you. “Little bird” his voice makes you shiver despite the heat, “Be so kind as you toss your shooter up here. I think we will be having words.”
You can only nod, what can you do? He says he wants to talk so you'll talk, out of the pit. Where you can stand your ground. You swallow and throw your gun up to him. He gives you a curt nod picking it up and turning away. For a terrifying moment you think he's going to leave you here to die slowly but before you can beg him not to, he returns and tosses a pack down.
“Pack up your gear. We're leaving.” His tone leaves no room for argument so you pack away his equipment as quickly as you can and put it on as you wait and listen to him packing his own, wondering if the shots will draw more trouble.
After all the time spent getting used to his talking, his silence is terrifying. It allows you to think, to panic, to imagine the worst thing he can do. Probably leave you on this planet to rot or be torn to pieces by the locals. You squeeze your eyes shut at the thought.
“Come on now, your elevator awaits” You open them to see he's offering his hand down for you to grab. You do your best to ignore the pistol in the other as you grab a hold and scramble out of the hole you had been sure was going to become your grave. Ezra doesn't loosen his grip on your arm as he hauls you to your feet and strides away from the dig forcing you to trot behind him to keep up.
You stare up at him as he pulls you along trying to read his thoughts. He doesn't look at you scowling straight ahead, his grip vice like and bruising. You don't try to shake him off, you’re sure he's worked out who you are. Your former co-workers hadn't been subtle but you can't gage whether or not this is a walk to the noose.
⧫⧫⧫
Tugging you into the pod he releases your arm and turning to seal the door he finally speaks. “Take off your helmet” His tone sends goosebumps over prickling over your skin so you pull it off and go to set it down on the table. When you turn back, he's right in front of you glaring down eyes dark. It makes you feel tiny. “Show me your arm.”
His words are too concise, so abrupt you hesitate. It's like he's a different person, an enemy you aren't sure you should comply to. Ezra decides you're taking too long and seizes the top of your arms spinning you both around and pinning you against the pod's wall, knee hitched up between your legs keeping you in place. You squirm in a futile attempt to get away and gasp as he unzips the front of your suit and shoves it down to your waist. Ezra breathes heavily as he rakes his eyes up to your body to your face. Doing his best to swallow down his desire, he ignores your own heaving chest and grabs the back of your neck forcing you to look up at him.
“Little bird, take off that measly scrap of fabric and reveal the truth.” You gulp eyes wide fingering the knot of the bandage on your arm. Ezra gives you a little shake. “Do it now.”
So, you do, pulling apart the knot and unwinding it from your arm. You don't look at it, perhaps if you don't see it, it's not really there. Instead, you watch Ezra's face for his reaction, gleaning nothing as he releases your shoulder and grabs your wrist bringing it up for him to see clearly. His brow furrows as he inspects your forearm, a brand of three circles linked like a chain. Kevva, he'd hoped he'd been mistaken. You're frozen as his gaze returns to you, dark eyes furious he crowds around you, filling your senses, body pressing you against the wall. His leg shifts slightly between yours and you almost whimper.
“You've been dishonest, little bird, and I do not appreciate it.” Ezra feels at war, he's furious you lied but he understands why. He's fuming you had been running with a violent, malevolent group of pirates. He doesn't understand why you'd ran after the crash or why you'd turned to him. He wants to know what you have that your crew found so valuable. He wants to know how you're both so hard and so soft. All these thoughts rattle around in his head as he stares at you, your mouth slightly open and your lips wet, until he can only think about how good you feel pressed against him, how delicate you feel under the hand on your neck. How much, despite everything, he wants you. He doesn't notice how close he's gotten to you until he feels the puff of your breath on his face. And then you utterly surprise him.
You can almost hear him think as he stares down at you. You don't want to interrupt but his hold on you is drawing attention to his size, to how much strength and power he holds. It's like he's swirling all around you clouding your brain, filling it with him. So, you let yourself do what you want. You've got nothing to lose. Everything that's yours is in his hands and you can't bring yourself to care. He's leaning closer, bending so with his hand on your neck tilting your head up it's like you’re sharing breath. You close the gap and kiss him.
For a second, he freezes in surprise and then he's kissing you back. Harshly biting your lower lip before shoving his tongue into your mouth. It's desperate and rough and you lick into his mouth in response loving the low moan coming from deep in his chest. He releases your wrist and grasps your hip closing any distance left between you. He grinds into you, the leg between your thighs causing a delicious friction as you whimper into his mouth. He breaks the kiss and stares down at you for a second moving his hands to the bottom of your vest. At your nod he tugs it off and pounces back on you. He rubs his hands up your sides as he kisses you, loving the feeling of how big they are on your frame and how you gasp as he pinches your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. You wriggle against him trying to unfasten his suit and shove it down his arms. He obliges, stepping back he pushing it off and kicks it away leaving him in his underclothes, staring at you, pupils blown wide with lust as he takes you in. Then he's back on you, seizing your jaw and tilting your head up to look at him as his other hand tugs down the remainder of your suit taking your leggings with it.
Eyes look up and down your form, drinking it in as he reaches down to rub a finger over the wetness soaking your underwear. Your mouth drops open and Ezra seizes the opportunity to shove his thumb in your mouth, his grip adjusting to your chin. Smiling as you suck on it.
“Look at you” he coos dragging his nose into your cheek almost mockingly “On display for me, you look good enough to eat.” He punctuates this by biting your neck and pulling your thin underwear taut against your clit just enough you cry out and stand on tiptoe. He grins down at you as you bite down gently on his thumb and then pulls off your underwear letting you kick it aside before stroking his fingers across your slit so gently it makes you buck towards his hand. He moves his hand back to your hip, pinning you back to the wall as he pulls his thumb from your mouth and wraps his hand around your throat, not squeezing just resting there.
“I want you to stay still,” his voice is low and commanding so you nod. “Repeat it back to me, I want to hear you.”
You whimper, “I'll stay still” and he grins before bending to kiss and nip along your jaw above his hand as his other moves back down to your cunt. He circles your clit so gently it's like he isn't really touching you and just as he slightly increases the pressure he draws back. A needy whine falls from your throat but you stay still and he murmurs against your cheek.
“Good little bird, so wet for me. You're positively dripping,” and then just as slowly he eases a finger into. You cry out, so wound tight it's agonising, the contrast between how harshly he gripped you before against his irreverent touches now making you ache for him more than ever. “Sing for me little bird” he demands and then he's really moving, pressing his finger against that spot inside you that makes you see stars, thumb drawing circles over your clit making you moan so loudly it surprises you. 
Ezra watches the flush spread over your skin as your eyes roll back, he doesn't know how he wants you first. Just as you’re getting close, he realises. He wants you begging. 
He forces himself to pull his hand away from you and watches as you shudder with tension eyes opening to look up at him. “Ezra…” your voice is so soft he grins.
You watch him as he raises his hand to his face to lick your juice off it, sucking his finger with a pop. It's so erotic you can only whimper as he smirks down at you. You want to touch yourself, make yourself cum while he watches, but as you lower your hand down he grabs your wrist and moves it back to his shoulder. “Don't misbehave birdie, right now all your pleasure is mine.” You bite your lip.
Then he returns his hand to your pussy, this time shoving two fingers in pumping them as he rubs his thumb against your clit more firmly than before. Your body quivers but his hand against your neck keeps you in place as you moan desperately. As soon as you get close again, he slows down to a stop this time keeping you stuffed with his fingers as you try to get some friction. “Please Ezra,” the tone of your voice shocks you, you've never sounded so needy.
He moves his face away from biting your ear lobe to look at you, “Please Ezra what, little bird? You've got to be clear”
You can't stop the words tumbling out of you, “Please can I cum, please make me cum Ezra”
He smiles almost cruelly, “You sound so exquisite when you beg.” He starts working his thumb again, brushing his lips against yours. The hand on your neck finally starts to squeeze, turning you on more. “Do it again.”
You do, no power could stop you begging for him, saying his name like a prayer. And then you're cumming, your vision goes white as Ezra squeezes your throat firmly, cutting the blood from your brain dragging it out as he shoves a third finger into your wet pussy. 
Ezra swears he's never witnessed anything so magnificent. Your eyes rolling back into your head, mouth open and lips wet, unable to make a sound. How you soak his hand, how you tighten around his fingers. Now all he wants is to find out how many times, how many ways, he can break you apart.
When you begin to squirm, he reluctantly pulls away, you look up only to find he's pulling off his shirt and trousers. Your eyes widen as his cock springs free. You'd known he carried himself like he had nothing to be insecure about but Kevva… he's packing. It's huge and beautiful, slightly curved, a striking vein runner down it. You feel a little more breathless at the sight.
Ezra catches you staring and grins, pressing back against you, grabbing your arse and lifting you against him. You wrap your legs around him as he pins you up against the wall. His cock feels even bigger pressed against your stomach. Ezra grinds against you sucking marks down your neck as he notches himself at your entrance. You whine and claw his shoulders, he's barely into you and you're sure you've never felt so full. “Ezra” your voice is thready “Ezra I don't think you're going to fit.”
He coos in response thrusting shallowly getting slightly further in and making a cry out as you feel yourself drip around his cock. “Don't fret little bird,” he thrusts again getting deeper, kissing you, relishing the feeling of your heat around him, “I know you can take me.”
He thrusts decisively, bottoming out and pushing the air from your lungs. It feels like he's breaking you open, splitting you in two with his cock and you love it. Love the ache as you adjust, love how you can almost feel him in your stomach, love how he has you pinned to the wall supported by those strong hands and his body and totally at his mercy.
You can barely register he's talking as he grinds his hips against your clit. “... squeezing so tight around me. Never in all my time have I gotten so close to Nirvana.”
He waits until you've started to writhe in his arms, just add he'd imagined, begging for him to move. Then he starts long deep thrusts, interspersed by him grinding against your clit making you whimper and moan as you feel his cock drag across your walls.
“Kevva plucked you out of my head and sent you here for me. You're divine, exquisite…” you can't focus on the words, in no time at all you're cumming again. Squeezing him so tight he chokes on his words and kisses you deeply. He doesn't slow down or speed up, keeping his devastating pace until your body starts to relax. Then he nips at your jaw, hooking his arms under your knees and around your back, spreading his palms wide. He steps away from the wall and, slightly afraid he'll drop you, you grab the back of his neck, but you needn't worry. 
Now with you impaled on his cock suspended in the air by his arms, he truly begins to ruin you. Lifting you up and slamming you back he watches your cunt take him, watches how your breasts bounce, watches you throw your head back in a silent scream. He bites into your neck leaving a mark as he sets a brutal pace. Seeing you like this, feeling you like this, has stolen his vocabulary so he curses and growls as he watches, totally enraptured by how well you take him. He thinks maybe he tells you but he can't be sure.
Ezra’s still talking his sentences shorter but still as dirty, the way he praises you makes you moan and combined with his he is destroying you; you don't think you'll ever experience something this good again and then you don't think anything much at all. Just Ezra, his strength, his beautiful words, how perfectly he's fucking you.
Ezra knows he can't last much longer, not in this heaven but he's determined to make you cum again before he does just to feel it. So, he moves you slightly in his arms until he hits that bit which takes your cries even higher. He grins as you dig your nails into his shoulders, the slight pain both grounding him and making him lose his mind.
You feel so overwhelmed and overstimulated that when he adjusts his thrusting you can't help the few tears escaping as you wail. He just pulls you slightly closer and licks them up before staring down and watching how your pussy stretches to take him. You’re so close again you're sure you might explode if you don't cum, or if you do. And then you do, you can't even make a sound as your whole body goes rigid and Ezra doesn't stop pounding you. Instead, you hear him growl and curse and his thrusts get faster and shorter.
Ezra had never experienced anything hotter. The way you threw your head back and took it as he fucked you like a ragdoll. The feeling of you clenching around him. How you soaked him, the sound of your fucking would stay with him forever. And then he's cumming, he bites down on your shoulder groaning into your skin as he releases. His mind is wonderfully blank as he squeezes you against himself and fills you up with a dozen shallow thrusts.
He doesn't release you right away, just holds you to his chest as he turns to lean against the wall cock still in you. Blissful in the moments before his thoughts start buzzing again. When you can move you look up at Ezra, he meets your eyes, gaze totally unreadable. He reluctantly releases you with a groan and grabs his shirt as he kneels and begins to clean off your combined juices dripping down your legs. Seeing him on his knees taking care of you threatens to give you hope which you tamped down. He didn't know the truth yet and he had readily thrown you out once before. When he's done, he stands and tosses the shirt to the side, tugs on his soft under trousers as you pull on your own clothes. The silence feels like a giant pit between you and you glare at your feet unsure how to start this important conversation.
To your surprise Ezra gently pinches your chin and tilts your head up to look at him. “We've still got much to discuss, little bird.” At your nod he pulls your hand into his ignoring how small and delicate it feels and gently tugs you towards the burrow. He has to know the truth.
⧫⧫⧫
You sit next to each other, his back against the wall, you sitting forward nervously running your fingers over the brand on your arm. Ezra just watches you, waits for you to explain and hopes you aren't a threat he'll have to get rid of after you've shared such intimacy.
“I don't… I won't come off like a very good person or partner when I tell you this. So just listen… please?”
Ezra nods, “None of us can be considered a good person, our humanity is dependent on our survival” he sighs, “Spin your tale, I'll remain in silence until it's done and keep my judgement of our partnership till it's completion”
You swallow, “I fixed a ship, that's how this whole mess started. We were leaving a dig and something had gone wrong which would have forced us to land. But I suited up and fixed it in zero G. It was completely stupid and shouldn't have worked but it did and we made it back to the dock. It wasn't till we'd sold off all our gems and separated that I was cornered. Turns out the malfunction wasn't an accident and by fixing it I'd cost them a lot of money in what they would have stolen from us. They reckoned I owed them and… they aren't people you want to owe”
You close your eyes and Ezra watches you tense. He'd like nothing more than to pull you into his arms but as he reaches for you, he clenches his fist. He needs to hear you out.
“They went through the rest of my team to get to me…” oh, Ezra understands they'd totally isolated you. “Well, they worked out since I could fix their brakes, I could mess up the ships in ways that couldn't be fixed without an emergency landing. They branded me there and then. Didn't even tell me how long I'd have to work to balance what I owed; probably thought I'd be dead by then.” You look down at your arm and frown.
When you look back at Ezra, his eyes are sharp, watching you intensely. “That scars old, little bird, how long did you dutifully aid their robberies.” Robberies of prospectors, people like him, people who'd been like you.
You look away, jaw clenched, “Long enough for it to get easy.”
Ezra doesn't move behind you, doesn't speak. You can't look at him.
“And then I couldn't anymore, I saw what I'd become and I hated it.” Your nails dig into your arm. “No one's good out in the fringe. But I was worse. I can't make up for what I did… can't take it back, can't return lives, possessions any of that. But I could stop, bring my crew down too. We used a distress beacon to lure in the other ships and…” you laugh “This time as I boarded after dealing with the other ship. I dunno, I just snapped and blew our engine too.”
Your mouth twists at the memory, “The pilot saw and I… when I was done, I just thought one down. I didn't want to die myself, that’s the easy way out, so I did my best to pull the chutes, hoping I'd play dead and hitch a ride out. Well, you know the rest.”
You stare straight ahead as a tense silence follows not daring to see Ezra glare at you. You don't see his soft eyes looking you up and down, his mind reeling. Had he known this when you’d first met, he would have shot you without question and left you to rot, your presence nothing more than a risk to his survival. But now, you’d saved him, talked with him, he’d gotten to know you. How you drink your caf black saying you’re “sweet enough”, how you look in the morning, how you laugh, how you moan. He knows he can’t kill you now, but you are a threat. He doesn’t know what to do. “Why are they searching for you? What do you have that they want? Your friend mentioned something.”
You laugh humorlessly, “They don't know where the other ship crashed, I was in the pilot’s seat, so no one else could see it go down. Fat lot of good it'll do them wrecked here.”
There's a bang on the side of the pod, “Shite” Ezra mumbles, “Our quixotic friends have returned.”
⧫⧫⧫
The wait for them to leave seems to take hours, the silence making your heart pound and your thoughts race over what you can do now. Ezra will definitely want you gone, only a mad man would keep you around with your history. Perhaps back to the original plan, see if you can mend the other ships escape pod and get the hell off this planet.
By the time the locals have decided your pod is empty, your plan is set. You stand, not looking back at Ezra. “I'll get scarce, I know I'm a problem waiting to happen.”
You grab your bag feeling in the pocket for your ring, a memory of a home you can't return to, old gods you're no longer sure are there. You look down at it as you step out of the burrow not noticing Ezra follow. You shove it into your suit pocket.
He is stumped for words as he watches you grab your possessions that have become scattered around the pod. He sees how your lives have become enmeshed. Scraps from your notebook scattered around where you'd played hangman or left notes and reminders for each other, items of clothing he watches you fail to pack, that damn terrible caf on the workbench.
He's not sure that he'll ever get all the pieces of you out of the pod, out of himself. You're under his skin, the very smell of you making his heart beat with more determination. As you reach for your helmet, he grabs your hand and finally you look up at him.
“Don't leave, I don't want you to leave.”
It's so simple but it means so much more and he thinks you maybe realise as you look up at him tears in your eyes. “I don't want to go.”
And then he kisses you. It's slower than before but no less fierce sparking a deep need in your chest. Gently now, he pulls off your suit as if he's still persuading you to stay before running his hands up your arms and down your back and sides like he's memorising your shape. When he kisses you again it's hungry, intense, he's trying to put words he's afraid to speak into it and it totally wiped your mind as you let him pull you back into his burrow.
Then he's peeling all your clothes off you. His touch is irreverent like he's unwrapping a precious artifact. He tugs you to lie down and settles between your legs pulling off his own shirt. He balances his weight on his arm above your head to nip at your lips, you reach up to run your hands up his chest, feeling him shudder as you gently rake your nails over the skin.
His other hand is squeezing your breast and pinching your nipple before seizing your hip and pulling you flush against him. The friction of his trousers against you, combined with how he's surrounding you, invading all your senses, is overwhelming.
“You are something else entirely,” he's kissing his way down your body, sucking purple bruises as he goes, seeming determined to mark every inch of you. “I could travel the whole breadth of this hostile galaxy and never find a sight as breath-taking as you laid out before me, a divine meal worthy of gods”
His words turn you on more as his ministrations make their way down to your legs. He bites your inner thigh almost too hard, making you squeal and jerk away but he grabs your hips and pulls you back, laving his tongue over the slight indent left by his teeth. You don't know how he's done it, not hours ago he railed you into oblivion and somehow, he has wound you tight all over again. It's like he's playing an instrument, plucking your strings both hard and soft so you melt.
His eyes meet yours, dark and hungry and he holds your gaze as he licks up your slit, his tongue wide as flat. You moan softly as he smiles, “Straight from the source your essence is even more delectable.” He stares at your pussy, seemingly fascinated by how it's fluttering around nothing, totally rapt by a droplet of your arousal sliding its way down.
You whimper at him, and try to buck your hips in his grip, desperate for him to do anything other than stare. He chuckles at you, “So willing to give yourself to me,” then he spits on your cunt. You gasp, half from shock and half from how much it turned you on. He grins as you tense and dives in.
Ezra eats you out like water from a well after crossing a desert. It feels as if he's writing the words, you’re stopping him saying all over your clit as you cry his name. His eyes closed he reaches up and seizes your hands, pulling you closer and settling his elbows over your hips keeping you still and at his mercy as he moans against you. Your eyes close as you feel sparks travel up and down your spine as he shoves his tongue into you making you whine but then he pulls away. Rubbing his cheek on your thigh, his beard tickling you.
“I want you to look at me little bird.” You can't help but obey his command instantly opening your eyes to see his pupils blown wide as he smirks. “You'd do just about anything for me to let you cum, wouldn't you? Don't worry your pretty head. I want you to cum in my mouth.”
Then he's back on you, sucking your clit between his teeth, you gasp his name trying to squirm away. his eyes piercing you, his mouth on you, his hands covering yours, his arms holding you down. It fills your head with him totally overpowering you and then you cum.
You go totally rigid, you're still looking at Ezra but your vision has gone so white you can't see him, just feel him moan against your cunt as you soak his tongue. Even as you start attempting to twist away, he continues, switching between sucking and licking at you as his strong arms pin you down. You cry out at the overstimulation, shuddering from it, tears leaking from your eyes and in no time at all you're thrown over the edge again. Cumming so hard your mind is totally wiped of anything but Ezra.
This time he grants you a reprieve, sitting up he watches your chest heave as you slowly come back into your body. He's lost for words, seeing you like this is better than anything he'd ever imagined and he still wants more, wants to ring every drop of pleasure out of you. And when you smile up at him, totally blissed out and willing, he's sure he'd do almost anything to keep you.
He doesn't put it into words though. Instead, he crawls over you seizing your jaw “Open that pretty mouth little bird,” something about how you so readily obey him twists in his chest and makes his cock twitch. He ignores it and bends close spitting into your mouth. You can taste yourself in it and it sparks your desire all over again.
He can't hold in a groan as you swallow, still smiling, his head seems too empty so he kisses you. It's fiery, filled with lust as you kiss him back and wrap your legs around him reaching down to pull off his trousers, he pulls back to kick them away as his cock springs free, it's hot and red as you wrap you hand around it, not even able to meet finger and thumb and squeeze slightly making him growl and bite along your jawline. “Tell me little bird, what would you will me to do?”
You meet his gaze, “Fuck me.” he groans into your neck, “Please.”
He watches your face as he positions himself at you entrance, “Kevva,” it's like he's not really talking to you, “I've never borne witness to anything so magnificent as your perfect cunt soaking me,” he slowly pushes his way in. It makes you whimper and him growl and you watch the tension in his neck as he restrains himself from ruining you, “Fuck you're tight.” His language is getting simpler as he starts losing control. His soft eyes beg you to let him move as his jaw clenches and you can't help but give in. 
“Please Ezra, move! fuck me”
The noise he makes is inhuman as he starts drilling into you. He shoves one of your knees up over his shoulder, deepening his thrusts making you cry out as he shreds against your walls. All he can think is how hot you are, how wet, how tight, how perfectly you take him. He's shoving up against your g shot with every thrust, coarse hairs grinding on your clit, you feel totally at his mercy to do nothing but take it and it may be the best sex you've ever experienced, ever will experience.
He looks beautiful, your juices still glistening on his face, brow furrowed and eyes half lidded but so piercing you might think he was furious if not for how in-between curses he's describing you, what he thinks of you. You aren't sure he even knows he's talking and the need in his words drives you higher and higher despite how spent you feel, how much you don't think you can cum again. And then you do. Kevva the way you clamp down on him clawing his back makes him lose his mind, he shoves both your knees up to your chest bending over you to bite you lower lip. The change in angle adds more friction, his thrusts get shorter, faster. Ezra cums so hard he can't think, you watch his eyes roll into his head, the groan he makes cuts off his own speech as he shoves himself as deep into you as he can get and releases. 
Ezra’s ears are still ringing when he manages to roll himself off you. Both of you are panting, as you stare at the roof of the pod and try to muster the words. Naturally, Ezra succeeds first. “Little Bird, I didn't know experiences such as that could be bestowed upon men like me.” You can only make a little noise in reply as he takes your hand and silence falls again.
Finally, when your breath is caught and you can both think again, he pulls you to his chest and wraps his arms around you resting his chin on the top of your head.
“Little bird, I'm starting to agree our dig may be bust. Trouble is biting our ankles and I should have listened earlier. Let's pillage what we can to fix the pod and get going. The dig is almost done, even split it'll be a while before I need to pick up another job.” You feel a sting at how quickly Ezra had returned to talking business but you do your best to brush it off. There's nothing wrong with some shagging between friends and it's no reason for him to feel the same fluttering in his chest that you do in yours.
“Right then we should travel light, get everything we need and come back. The fix won't take long, we can be gone in two days.” Two days left with Ezra makes you feel a little sad, you suppose you'd just gotten used to his company.
Ezra smiles grimly, “If we're lucky.”
You turn and roll over enjoying how he follows, wrapping you in his arms, tangling your legs like he can't bear to be separate. “I do have a question for you if you don't mind?”
You shrug, “Depends what it is.”
“What is that strange ring you carry but don't put on.”
“It's… it was a gift when I left home. It's supposed to be my payment.”
Ezra's mind casts back to how you paid honour to the dead, even those he certainly didn't think deserved a boatman. Saving them from a potential purgatory. But you didn't wear yours.
“Little bird, forgive my bluntness but curiosity is driving me to ask. Why don't you wear it?”
You squeeze your eyes closed, forcing away images of your past, grounded in Ezra's warm grip. “It's,” you sigh, “It's just too heavy.”
Ezra can feel how tense you've become and fights off the heavy guilt threatening to settle in his chest. You think yourself deserving of the hundred-year wait wandering the shore, think the loneliness is just. He kisses the back of your neck. “We should let our dreams take us lest we attract more trouble. It is salient we are well rested.”
You sigh, relaxing against him despite yourself. Long since exhausted by the day and his attentions, you let yourself drift off. Faintly feeling a hand caress your cheek, but you could have imagined it.
⧫⧫⧫
Waking up with someone warm in his arms is something Ezra could get used to. He tells you as much but you brush it off, someone isn't necessarily you after all. Ezra talks as you pack but he avoids the subject of you, of you both. He didn't want to scare you off, he tells himself, his flighty little bird. But he knows he's lying to himself, just being a coward, afraid of your reaction. He avoids meeting your eye until, helmets on, you both stand by the door. Taking a moment of peace before heading into the waste. He takes your hand seeking reassurance as much as trying to give it. You meet his eyes looking a little afraid but determined. He squeezes it tight before letting go and opening the door.
The walk East is easy enough, a pretty straight shot over flat ground. The only real problem being navigating the increasingly dense petrified forest. Ezra talks continuously, but you're grateful, glad it isn't awkward between you and enjoying his descriptions of other worlds he's visited. Where instead of breathless death and grey, there's vivid greens and blues of plants and flowers. Where the beauty is just as dangerous as this blank world. And, slowly, you start to talk too. Really talk. You describe a world that, to you, had seemed to be entirely made up of a casino, and the trouble you had gotten into there.
“Too rich for my blood,” Ezra chuckles and you agree.
You don't tell him about your home, not yet. But being able to talk, to laugh about something you'd done, feels freeing. Like a weight has been lifted ever so slightly off your shoulders.
You’re both grateful the walk is uneventful but you can't relax as the looming silhouette of the other spaceship appears through the trees. It's still too early for hope.
As you approach you see that the crew had successfully pulled their parachutes, but too late. The side of the ship had caved in where it had skidded across the earth, giving you both a way in. When you stop Ezra’s looking at you, “Any chance of survivors, little bird?”
You just shrug. “I doubt it after this. They were running a skeleton crew.” You wince slightly at the double entendre, hoping you have the time to find their bodies and pay their dues.
Ezra raises an eyebrow at you. “On a ship this big? That is most peculiar.”
“I guess, I didn't get a chance to think about it at the time.”
You go over the list again, 5 items, 5 areas. All small enough to carry in your packs. To yourself you add another item, just in case you get the chance.
“We stick together, watch each other’s backs.” You nod in agreement and you both step into the ship.
⧫⧫⧫
There's a faint dripping noise, like a clock ticking. It sets off your nerves as you leave the light of the suns. Inside is cast in red, a good sign the electrics haven't been fried, but totally unsettling. It casts humanoid shadows across the grated walls seemingly flickering with every step. Ezra had gone totally silent but his presence behind you is reassuring. Together you pry open the first door.
Inside has the same red light but the weapons board flashes at you telling you it's still live which is strange. You mumble it to Ezra. “These things usually shut down first after a crash, they drain loads of power that's usually diverted out.”
He frowns at you. “Mayhaps a malfunction? It looks like a rough crash.”
“Yeah. Probably.” But it niggles at the back of your brain. All you can do right now is ignore it so you wrench the panel out from the wall to the side and stick your arm in. Feeling around, you brush your fingers up against the dotted cylinder you need. These old ships had a habit of hiding important components in baffling locations, apparently to protect them in a crash which you do suppose this has, but you suspect it's to confuse novice engineers and pillagers alike. 
Ezra is keeping a sharp eye on the door but he can't help but enjoy watching you work, grumbling about what a stupid place this was for a fuse break and how it would have been harder to wreck their engine had it actually been where all the ships power came from. He grins at you and you smile back tugging the, whatever it was, out of the wall. He tosses his pack over to you.
“I'll get this one birdie,” making you roll your eyes but you gently place it in and hand it back. 
“Take care of that.”
“I'll cradle it as if it were a new-born.” He says so sincerely you can't help but snort.
“Don't worry too much, ships like these are made hardy, they don't just fry things like your pod.” He scowls playfully at you as you head back to the corridor.
“I will not hear a negative word about her, we've been together for years.”
The ship groans around you as if it's a living creature as you head deeper in. The maze of corridors makes Ezra feel turned around but you seem to know where to go and he follows dutifully. The next stop is a storage closet smaller than his little burrow.
Inside is a collection of boxes from which you produce two tiny discs. You look at Ezra, “I doubt they'll mind me taking a spare, these things are expensive.” Still not being entirely sure what everything you're searching for is, he just shrugs,
The moment of ease sputters out when you enter comms. There's a buzzing that sets your teeth on edge, someone's been on the radio. Ezra clicks it off but the silence is suddenly oppressive. Trying hard to hear any sign of life you scan the dark corners of the space. 
“We don't know how long this has been on.” Ezra’s voice is steady but there's an edge you know too well. You agree all the same, hurrying to rip the tubing out from under the console. The blinking lights shut off with a hum as Ezra takes it from you, looping it together and shoving it into his pack. You don't argue.
Two items left, you'd saved the cockpit and the engine till last, both at the opposite end of the ship. 
The door to the cockpit is open. you look at Ezra, his jaw is set glaring into it. You head in first moving swiftly to the control panel to the side to start pulling the whole thing apart for one measly chip. He disappears into the shadows to search the room. It's too big, too many places to hide, he thinks to himself trying to picture the best place for an ambush.
He finds one body, curled in on itself as if tossed into the corner. The next is under a nav table, arms over its head. The final one is the hardest to look at, in the pilot seat, hand still grasping the parachute release. He swallows as he takes in this futile effort to survive, picturing the final moments as the ground rises to meet them, the hopelessness.
He spins when he hears your voice.
“Wait, wait!”
“You should have stayed away-“
Ezra doesn't even think, he just shoots and the man with a blade at your throat drops. He didn't even know he could draw that fast. He fights off the adrenaline, calming his breathing as he approaches you. Your eyes are wide with shock and you take a deep breath looking up at him.
“Thank you, Ezra.”
He just wants to pull you close, hold you against him, protect you with his body. With the suits and helmets, it would be uncomfortable so he grabs your hand and pulls it to his chest.
“Think nothing of it.”
“I didn't think there could be any survivors.” At that he examined the body. Shit, the suit, the emblem, the skull etched into the glass of his helmet.
“That, little bird, is because there aren't any. It appears that the locals are here.”
You squeeze his hand. “We've got to hurry.”
He nods, “Give me three coins.”
He’s found them. You'd already known they'd be dead but the confirmation sits heavily over you. You hand him the coins.
“You finish here, I'll take care of them. Don't worry.”
The kindness he's showing by doing it for you aches in your chest. You take the frustration out on the unsuspecting control panel. Tearing into it, pulling parts out, desperately trying to get a grip on your emotions and breathe a sigh of relief when you emerge, chip in hand. No one has ever extracted one so quickly you reckon. You shove it in your pack.
Heading to Ezra you take his hand, try to convey thanks through the touch alone. Thanks for saving you, thanks for not making you bear this burden solitarily, thanks for just being company after so long alone. You look up at him, he's chewing his words again but doesn't speak so you turn and lead him out.
In the engine room you seize a battery and yank it from the wall, grateful the lights stay on. Ezra takes it from you. “Don't argue birdie I'm bigger than you.”
He's cut off by a horn echoing through the ship. You swallow. 
Taking his hand again, you both creep out of the room. Every sound is too loud, you curse your boots, the rattle of your tools, your own harsh breathing. You can't fail now, you're so close. At the sound of footsteps, you pull Ezra through a door into a room with bunks, closing the door as quietly as you can, you both hold your breath. As they pass the door his grip tightens on yours so much you feel the heat of his hand through your gloves. His eyes scan your face, like he's trying to memorise what you look like. You realise you’re doing the same to him.
When they pass you glance around the room as Ezra slumps against the door his eyes shut tightly. As you let go of him you see something in the corner of your eye. No fucking way. It's a gem case, unassuming on the outside but far bigger than the one Ezra carried. Item number six.
You shove it into your bag.
⧫⧫⧫
Neither of you seem to breath for the rest of your journey through the ship. Eyes and ears too peeled to do much else. The second you see the light outside you swallow. You say a prayer to yourself as you creep towards it.
The light blinds you as you step out. Something shoves you to the side, you hit the ground hard knocking the wind out of you as you try to see what hit you. The second your eyes adjust to the light you see Ezra trying to knock back one of the locals, trying to gain space to draw. You wrestle your pistol out of your holster and aim but you can't shoot. Their dance is too close and you're afraid to hit Ezra. 
It all happens in slow motion. The stranger thrusts his spear into Ezra's stomach and pulls it out. He cries out stumbling back giving you a straight shot. You fire the same moment as the local brings his spear down on Ezra’s helmet.
You shoot too late. 
Ezra drops back against the ship sliding to sit. Shattered glass glitters over the ground around you threatening to cut your knees as you crawl to him. His helmet is shattered.
“No no no no no” you press on the wound in his stomach tugging your pack off your back to get the med kit. “We've got to go, there's going to be more of them.”
He puts a hand over yours. “Little bird, I'm afraid my adventure has come to its conclusion”
You look at his face. “No Ezra! I can close this for now, we've got time. We can make it back.” His eyes are wide and sad, wet with the threat of tears. “Don't look at me like that!” There's desperation in your voice.
“You've got to go. Relieve yourself of my burden, you can repair the vessel and get away by yourself. You don't need me.”
“Shut up! I can't just leave you here.” You push his hands away and pull out a gun of sealing foam “Don't fucking argue with me, we've got so close you can't just give up.” Ignoring his arguments, you press the nozzle through his suit and fill his wound. He lets out a groan. As quick as you can, you pull your pack back on and stand seizing Ezra's arms and heaving him to his feet. He gives a short shout of pain but doesn't protest as you hook his arm over your shoulder for support.
You start to walk like this as the suns begin to dip. Keeping your pistol in your free hand you scan around you. The dead trees provide good cover but they also give any attackers the element of surprise so you do your best to listen out whilst you support Ezra.
It's a little difficult with his talking but you can't complain, not when it means he's still alive. But he's getting heavy, putting more weight on you, you don't know how long you can hold him up. Just as you're beginning to feel truly weak his topic of conversation changes.
“Little bird, it has been an exponential honour to be enclosed within your company. To have your trust if only a little. Kevva, the chance to learn your body the way I got to was a treasure worth more than any gem I could find. I only wish I could learn your mind just as intimately, to possess the knowledge of what makes you laugh, cry, your favourite food, favourite music. I'd cherish every drop of yourself you'd let me have until I could carry a vault of you with me”
“Ezra, don't…”
“The opportunity is being stolen from me, I both resent it and I'm so grateful for the time I've had. Little bird, don't let my soliloquy deceive you. I mean every word.”
You can't stop moving, but you grab onto him a little tighter. Letting yourself squeeze your eyes closed just for a moment to fight off the tears. There's no guarantee he'll survive, no hope yet, no point admitting feelings just to let him die. It would hurt too much.
You keep walking. Reminding Ezra to breath as slow as he can. Holding yourself together just to keep him upright.
Then you see it, your pod, through the trees, dark against the burning red sky. 
There are two locals at the door. They turn.
Before you can think to react, Ezra pushes you aside as a spear careens where you'd just been stood. Drawing before you can blink, he fires twice. The locals fall. And then, so does he.
⧫⧫⧫
You aren't sure if you're saying his name out loud or just in your head. You roll him into his back and try to shake him awake. He doesn't even stir. 
Instead, you seize the straps of his pack and use them to drag him towards your pod.
Your muscles are screaming after supporting him for so long but you don't let up, drawing strength from who knows where.
How did the pod seem so close minutes ago? Now it's miles away.
You don't know when you started crying.
You don't stop moving, can't stop until you've managed to pull him inside and seal the door. You yank off your helmet, tossing it aside and falling to your knees next to him pressing your ear to his chest, desperately trying to hear his heart through his suit.
It's dead silent.
That's when you scream. Tears streaming down your face you bring your fist down on his chest as hard as you can.
“Breath you bastard! Take a fucking breath!” You're sobbing now, “You can't just leave me here, leave me all alone. Not after all this. Not when we got so close.”
You curl over him pressing your face to his, your tears dripping onto him leaving tracks through the dust and blood on his skin. “You can't leave me alone,” it's barely a whisper. “Ezra.” You say his name over and over again like a prayer.
And then his chest moves. 
You don't know whether you should laugh. You just keep bawling as you tear off his suit and grab his hand.
He doesn't wake up but it's enough, you squeeze his warm hand for another second before wiping at your face and getting your med kit. “Let's see what I can do about this wound hmm?”
⧫⧫⧫
Ezra hears someone calling his name. But they seem so far away. He tries to move towards the voice but it's like moving through syrup. He lets himself sink back.
⧫⧫⧫
The wound is deep and spurts with blood as you pull out the foam, painting your hands in the same red as the sky outside. Pursing your lips, you apologise to him, hoping he doesn’t feel the pain. Cleaning the wound takes time but as far as you can tell the spear managed to avoid all his organs so you seal it up as best you can. The lack of oxygen is what has you truly worried, who knows what damage could have been done in the time it took you to drag him to the pod. With your medication he might heal but you can’t be sure. You fight off the thoughts of what you’d have to do if he never did wake up. Would you be able to bury him?
You sleep curled to his side, a hand on his shoulder. It’s fitful, plagued by nightmares of waking up to find him cold. Every time you wake up crying, you watch his chest rise and fall and pray, he’ll make his way back to you.
⧫⧫⧫
The next thing he hears is a clang followed by a curse, then it's silent again
⧫⧫⧫
Ezra made it through the night. To distract yourself from worrying he might never wake, you wrap him up warm and begin to repair the pod. It’s slow work but its methodical movements help regulate your breathing. Until you hear a grunt. You drop whatever you were working on and swear to yourself as you kneel by him. But he’s no more present than before. Perhaps you had imagined it. Prayed so hard you’d began torturing yourself. You look over him, how could you go on without him. No one to make you laugh, or care what happens to you. It’s justice you suppose, just another thing for you to feel guilty about. You suppose you’ll go on just to keep feeling that guilt.
Again, you barely sleep.
⧫⧫⧫
And then, as if surfacing from a dive, Ezra opens his eyes. His back hurts. He works out why as, slowly, he identifies the ceiling above him. He's lying on the floor with nothing more than a pillow and a blanket that's been tucked all around him up to his neck. He wrestles his arms free, stretching them above his head and then prodding his stomach, it's tender but the wound is closed. Then he sits up with a grunt.
You're stretching up to try and pull a ration bar of the top shelf of your measly kitchen cupboard. You swear and turn to find something to climb on and then you see Ezra.
He's sitting up, grinning from ear to ear. You nearly jump a foot into the air and then you’re frozen to the spot. He chuckles to himself and clambers to his feet, it looks difficult but you aren't sure you can move to help so you stay put as he supports himself along the wall and approaches you.
“Little bird, you are the most incredible, fascinating, stubborn creature I have ever laid my eyes upon.” And then he's pulling you into his chest, wrapping you in such a grip it's a little difficult to breath but you don't mind. You just hug him back, if gently, very aware of how he'd recently been stabbed. He buries his nose in your hair. “How long was I out?”
“Three days, I managed to melt down some meds to inject you so you… well, so you actually healed. Oh, and then I fixed the pod but it didn't feel safe to take off what with you having a hole in you.”
He laughs, you can feel it rolling through his body and it makes you grin. It's so alive.
“May I also ask why I was on the floor?” That's your cue to laugh to. 
“Do you honestly think I could lift you onto the cot?”
“Frankly little bird, I didn't think you could have got me to the pod. You are certainly a force to be reckoned with and not one to be underestimated.”
You close your eyes and breath him in. “I almost didn't make it.” He just shushes you running his hands up and down your sides.
“No point wondering what could have been birdie. You saved me.” You look up at him, his eyes are wet as he smiles down at you. “What I did to deserve it may evade my knowledge forever, but it must have been spectacular.”
You feed Ezra and then force him to stay still for the day. Even as he protests you don't really think he minds, finally getting an opportunity to finish reading ‘The Power’. You sleep curled into his side.
The next day you leave.
⧫⧫⧫
Two days floating in space before the station slings back to pick you up. The sense of relief is immense. Ezra is in the seat next to you, any other person telling such a graphic tale about a flight home wrong would've sprung anyone with nerves but you just grin. You made it, you both made it.
“Even split, little bird? Although, I can't say I find the idea of us separating particularly appealing.”
You grin, “Me neither, although I do maintain the even split, you save my arse, I save yours.”
He smirks, “I'll have your arse anytime” you smack his knee with what was formerly his copy of ‘Perfume’. He scowls playfully, tossing his own book aside and tugging you into his lap.
And then looks totally bemused as your mouth drops open, “Holy shit I can't believe I forgot!” You hop off him and he grumbles at you but watches curiously wondering what you'd forgotten that was so important. You kneel to open your pack, pulling out a gem case. A huge gem case.
“Where in that abhorrent hell did you manage to acquire that?”
“I think it was why I was told to bring down that ship, I picked it up in the bunk room.”
It's locked but you happily spend the next half an hour gently taking apart one screw at a time. Ezra watches you the whole time, not even thinking about your bounty, just enjoying how you hum to yourself and smile every time a screw comes loose, batting his hands away every time he grabs at you. It's domestic.
You meet his eye as the last screw comes loose and he joins you kneeling on the floor. “Let's not get our hopes up” you say, “We've got more than enough to last a while whatever happens.” He nods and you pull the case open.
His jaw drops. “That is remarkable.”
You meet his eye and laugh. You've never seen him look so surprised. There are three gems inside, each one about the size of your head.
He lets out a huff of laughter “I’m beginning to suspect there was nefarious business afoot on that ship…”
“Ezra?”
“Mmhm?”
“I think I'd like to go somewhere with a sea.”
“Little bird, I suspect that can be arranged” Then he kisses you, pulling you against him.
You wriggle back, “Even split?” He just grins and bites at your ear.
In no time at all you’re in his lap as you pull off each other’s clothes. He rubs his beard against your bare neck to make you giggle as he nibbles it, hands roaming all over you. You nip his collar bone making him groan, it flips a switch in him and seconds later he’s grabbing your hips to position you over his cock.
He lowers you down so slowly it makes you squirm and whimper and beg him to move.
He grins at you, catlike, “We’ve got all the time in the world, little bird. And I intend to use it”
⧫⧫⧫
Hours later you wake. Ezra is snoring quietly into your neck tempting you to rouse him. You’re thirsty though, so, reluctantly, you peel his arms off you to get a glass of water. As you return your toe catches on your suit where it lies on the floor. As you reach to move it your ring drops out of the pocket, clinking quiet onto the ground.
You bend to pick it up and look at Ezra, then back at the ring. Had you not gone through all those years in that gang of pirates, you’d never have found him, never got to save his arm or his life. You both might be dead. You had been right; you couldn’t change your past. But you’d never know what else might have happened. There’s still guilt, there always will be. But you feel a little lighter.
You put on the ring and return to Ezra. He pulls you against his chest without waking.
You smile.
~~~~~~~~
Taglist: @engineeredfiction @mothandpidgeon @sleep-tight1
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marauderundercover · 3 years
Text
Taking Chances Ch. 27: Princess (Royal/medieval AU)
AO3
Prev
The shrill akuma alarm wakes Marinette up the next morning and she sighs, rubbing her head gently before grabbing the bottle of painkillers that Dick had left next to her on the table.
“Don’t leave yet!” A voice calls from the other room. Marinette frowns, but listens, quickly taking a couple painkillers and letting herself wake up. Dick rushes into the room, nearly falling as he slides across the floor in his socks. He rushes over to her and kneels in front of her, staring into her eyes. She frowns.
“What are you doing?” She asks, too tired to try and comprehend what’s wrong with her brother right now.
“Checking your eyes and seeing how bad your concussion is so I know if I need to call Adrien to keep a closer eye on you for this fight.” Dick says, frowning slightly at something he sees. He reaches out and gently pushes a spot on her head and she hisses in pain.
“Hey, ya big jerk, that hurts!” She complains, giving him her best ‘Damian’ glare. He just rolls his eyes.
“This is serious kid, you got seriously injured last night.” Dick reminds her. She purses her lips.
“I know, and I promise I’ll take it easy later, but right now I really need to go.” She pleads. Dick sighs, but nods, standing up.
“Go kick some butterfly butt.” He says with a small grin. Marinette grins back at him, quickly calling her transformations and portaling away to Paris. She blinks in the bright sunlight, trying hard to push away any disorientation she has from the stupid concussion. I can do this, she thinks, glancing around to assess the situation. She frowns at her surroundings. She knew she was technically in Paris, she could see the Eiffel tower and Kaalki never misled her before. Well, not during an attack anyway. But where the giant modern buildings should be, there were small stone buildings with thatch roofs. Glancing around, she also notices a huge, stone castle where her school used to be. That should be fun.
“I am the Dark Knight, and I will not rest until I have Chat Noir and Ladybug’s Miraculous!” A voice shouts out above the rest of the noise. Marinette creeps over and just blinks at the fashion atrocity before her. She was going to slap Hawkmoth twice when she found him. Once, for terrorizing Paris for over a year. And again for the awful wardrobe choices he made. Seriously. And the Dark Knight? Isn’t that name trademarked, or something?
“Hey Bugaboo, what’s the plan?” Chat asks, landing beside her and leaning on his baton. She frowns.
“I don’t actually have one yet. I just got here.” She says, and this time he’s the one confused.
“But you always rush over.” He says, careful not to include anything about Kaalki. You never know who might be listening.
“I’ll explain later. Any idea where the object might be?” She asks, scanning the akuma. It’s power didn’t seem too awful. It had changed most of the structure in Paris, and now it was changing people’s clothes too when they got hit by the orange light. Some citizens were in what Marinette could only assume was the height of fashion during the Renaissance, whereas some citizens were draped in obvious “peasant” outfits. But there didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason for the difference. Just a difference.
“The satchel looks promising.” Chat says, and Marinette grins, a plan slowly taking hold in her mind. She’d just need two paper clips, a stick of gum and whatever her lucky charm was.
---
“Pound it.” Chat says holding out a fist. Marinette grins, returning the fist bump. “Did you have time to talk? You know, about why you were late?” Chat asks, and Marinette sighs but nods. They both recharge in an alley before swinging to sit on the top of the Eiffel tower.
“I fought an akuma alone, while you were out of town.” She says first, shrugging lightly. “I didn’t think about it, honest. I’d done it a million times before with Monsieur Pigeon. But the Bat got mad.” Marinette says, not wanting to risk calling him her dad while she’s masked in Paris. It just felt like it was asking for trouble.
“Cause you fought alone?” Chat asks, frowning.
“Well, that and I sort of jammed the Zeta tubes so that outsiders can’t come to Paris during an active akuma attack.” She mumbles under her breath, wincing at the noise Chat’s neck makes when he jerks around to stare at her dumbfoundedly.
“That’s insane. How’d you do it?” He asks and she simply grins.
“Spent enough time with Pegasus and Red Robin and Oracle. Add in a tiny bit of luck and boom. I win.” She smirks
“So you were late cause you’re grounded.” Chat says simply, a proud smile on his face as he thinks he cracked the code. Solved the mystery.
“Not quite,” Marinette says with a slight frown.
“Then what?” Chat asks. Marinette lets out a long sigh, glaring at Adrien to let him know she’s not happy about this situation, she does not want to talk to him about this. He’ll just get all worried.
“Well last night I was still benched from patrol because of the whole akuma attack thing but Tikki thought I should be ungrounded so I went out anyway and then the dude that stabbed me a couple months ago found me and the rest of the Batclan didn’t know that I was out so they couldn’t help me and I was all alone and then he knocked me out and I don’t really remember much except I woke up at Nightwing’s apartment and met Starfire and yeah that’s it.” She rambles, shooting him a smile and waving nonchalantly.
“I’m going to wrap you in bubble wrap. No, I’m going to make the Batclan do it.” Chat finally says, pulling out his baton.
“No, don’t! Batman doesn’t know. Neither does Hood or Red Robin. Only Nightwing and Robin know.” She says, swatting the baton out of his hand. The last thing she needed was for him to accidentally call her dad on her. She’d be in so much trouble.
“Geeze Bug.” Chat mutters under his breath, tugging her into a hug. She sighs and hugs him back, taking just a moment to relish being with her friend.
“I’m pretty sure Batman is narrowing down his Hawkmoth suspect list.” She mumbles, and Chat pulls back from her, staring into her face.
“Are you serious?” He asks, the relief on his face clear. Marinette nods, and Chat lets out a long sigh. One that Marinette could feel in her bones, because she was tired too. She also wanted to end this fight. Hopefully her dad would have a suspect soon.
---
Bruce Wayne was the world’s greatest detective. He had solved cases infinitely larger than this one, so he didn’t understand why he couldn’t find a damn lead on Hawkmoth. Actually, he understood perfectly. It was magic. God he hates magic. It’s unpredictable, and most of the time it’s more trouble than it’s worth. He sighs and sends a quick text to Dick, double checking that Marinette had made it back to his apartment okay. He knew his daughter was...upset with him for benching her and demanding she take someone with her to Paris. But they were all precautions, just to guarantee that nothing worse happened to her. She wasn’t invincible, no matter how much she seemed to think she was. He frowns at the text he receives back, quickly hitting call and waiting a few moments for Dick to pick up.
“Hel-”
“What do you mean she’s not at your place?” Bruce asks, not giving his eldest son a chance to talk.
“Well hi to you too, B.” Dick teases, and Bruce just knows he’s grinning. He lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Is she really not there? The akuma attack ended nearly twenty minutes ago and she’s not here either.” Bruce says, trying to think of where else she would go. Jason was even at the Manor, and hadn’t heard from her either.
“No, B, she’s not-” Dick pauses, then lets out a long sigh. “It’s B. He was wondering where you were.” He hears Dick say, and Bruce is surprised to hear his son’s tone. It was less carefree and more...like a father. He was a father, with Mar’i, but it was still odd to hear him use the tone on someone besides his granddaughter.
“I had to talk to Adrien.” He can barely hear her say and Bruce lets out a frustrated huff. Of course she was with the Agreste boy again. Honestly, he seemed nice enough until Selina pointed out the crushes that the two had on each other. Now, Bruce wanted nothing more than to lock him away. Far away.
“Can you please ask her if she’s coming home tonight?” Bruce finally says, listening to the silence on the other end. He wonders if they’d put the phone on mute or if Marinette was signing furiously the way he’d seen her do over a video call with Cass earlier in the week.
“We’re all coming. See you at dinner.” Dick says, hanging up almost fast enough for Bruce to not hear the protest from Marinette. Almost. Bruce walks to find Alfred, trying not to let the fact that his daughter doesn’t want to see him again get to him.
---
Marinette glares at her oldest brother as they walk into the manor. He just grins, acting as if he hadn’t practically forced her home. It’s not that she didn’t want to come home, but she knew she had a couple bruises and a lump on her head. She also knew that Damian was apparently barely holding himself back from hunting down Slade. She really didn’t need Tikki giving him any ideas.
“Welcome home, Miss Marinette. Would you like me to look at your injuries?” Alfred asks immediately walking towards her as he walks into the room. Marinette glances around, hoping her dad isn’t around before sighing.
“No thank you Alfred, I’m fine.” She reassures him, or she tries to. His face doesn’t look like he believes her.
“Yes, I’m certain a concussion is nothing to worry about. Especially since you’ve had so many.” He drawls, raising an eyebrow at her.
“Hey, whoa. You said this was your first concussion.” Dick says after urging Mar’i to fly off and find Jason or Damian or Tim. Marinette huffs.
“It is.” She says, crossing her arms.
“The concussions you sustain in the suit still count. Head injuries are not an exact science. Nor are they an exact magic cure, either. They often heal at an accelerated speed, but can still have long-lasting effects.” Alfred says and Marinette blinks. That was almost- Almost- information about the Miraculous. And only someone who knew about the Miraculous would know about the whole head injury thing. She blinks at him for a moment, running possibilities through her head. She sighs, realizing that if Alfred had been a holder, it was definitely for a Miraculous she didn’t have. She could just...feel it.
“I promise I’m fine, and if I start feeling any of those other concussion symptoms, I’ll come to you.” Marinette promises.
“And how did you get a concussion?” Her dad asks, practically materializing out of nowhere.
“Akuma attack. Miraculous cure can’t do a complete heal with concussions, it’s too, uh, dangerous. Not exact.” Marinette lies, trying hard not to do any of her tells. She doesn’t tense up, she doesn’t grin, she doesn’t look at someone else and giggle, nothing. She lies with a straight face, which honestly almost scares her more than getting yelled at by her dad. He just hums before nodding at her.
“Will you be staying here tonight? Most of us have patrol, but afterwards Tim suggested that we all watch a movie together.” Her dad says and Marinette tries hard to suppress her grin. There’s no way.
“Wow Tim, you really wanna have a full-family movie night?” She calls out, grinning at the surprised look on her brother’s face. Because of course her dad was the one to set it up, but of course he didn’t want anyone to know. “I think that’s super cool Tim. As long as we can watch some Disney princess movies.” She adds, laughing as Mar’i comes flying around the corner with wide eyes.
“Did someone say princess?” She squeals, flying straight into Marinette’s arms. Marinette grins at her niece and nods.
“Oh yes. Timmy has decided we’re gonna watch Disney princess movies as a family all night long!” She says, laughing as her niece cheers. She glances at her Dad and tries hard to hold back the snort that wants to come out at his exasperated look. Looks like it’s gonna be a Disney night for the Wayne household.
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moonknightly · 3 years
Text
and you keep me holding on : santiago garcia x reader (nine)
Word Count: 2.3k+
Excerpt: “He’s figured out that she thinks she’s dreaming every time she opens her eyes and sees him. She thinks that she’s going to wake up to Nathan and that Santiago will be gone.”
Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault, cursing, uhhh I think that’s it?
[SERIES MASTERLIST]
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OCTOBER FIFTH — DAY TWO
Santi isn’t sure who calls her parents, but they’re in the waiting room the next morning and while he knows that they have every right to be there, he wishes that they would just go away. Her mother is already talking about taking her “home” the second she’s released from the hospital.
He doesn’t have the energy to fight with them yet, doesn’t know how to tell her grieving parents that her home is with him. She belongs with him, he’ll take care of her.
But then again, he’s already failed once.
Maybe she won’t feel safe with him anymore.
Maybe she won’t feel safe in the new apartment, she won’t recognize it. Sure, she’ll look around and see familiar furniture, some pictures and the duvet she’d picked out herself. Nevada. Maybe she’ll smell Santi’s cologne in the air or the stench from the cigarettes he smokes when things get just a little too hard, but it’ll all be in a space that’s entirely new.
Did he make the right decision? Should he have stayed at the last place?
No. No, he doesn’t think that would’ve been smart either.
Maybe she does need to go with her parents, back to the house she grew up in, where her room hasn’t been touched since she was in high school and everything is familiar.
But then she says his name in her sleep, and he knows that he’s not going to be able to let her go.
He knows he can take care of her. He’ll do it right this time, he’ll never let a damn thing happen to her ever again.
So Santi shuts it down the moment her mother brings it up again, and he’s surprised that her father actually sides with him on it. It doesn’t turn into an argument like he thought it would and he’s beyond thankful for that.
She stays asleep for most of the day, only waking up for a little while at a time, and when she does, she refuses to take her eyes off of Santi. It only serves as further confirmation that she needs him, he’s the right decision.
Jay offers to stay with them for a while, thinking maybe they’ll both feel better with another set of eyes, a little added protection, and at first Santi shakes his head — he feels guilty for some reason, he doesn’t know exactly why but he feels like it’s too much.
But then she has a nightmare, and he watches as Jay immediately reaches out and touches her cheeks to let her know she’s not alone, she’s safe and they’re right there. Santi’s positive that Jay has noticed that he hasn’t touched her yet, and he also knows that she probably needs someone who will be able to give her physical reassurance when she wants it.
So he caves, only if Jay will take his bed while he crashes on the couch and of course Jay says no.
But it’s not something they really have to worry or argue about right then.
She’s not going anywhere anytime soon.
OCTOBER SIXTH — DAY THREE
Every single news channel has been covering her return just as much, if not more, as her disappearance. They’re still looking for Nathan, but Santi’s sure they’ll never find him. Not anytime soon, at least.
He didn’t know if he’d dumped her with the intention of her being found alive or dead, but either way he has to know she’s been found and that they’re looking for him again with the same amount of ferocity as they had been when she first went missing. He hates to think about that, how after just a few months everything just seemed to die down for everyone else but those in his little circle, and even then sometimes he felt like the only one who still cared.
Santi shakes his head and pushes those thoughts away.
Her. He just needs to focus on her.
They’d gotten her temperature up, and the cocktail of medicine they’d been pushing for the last three days seem to be doing their job. Her scans all came back clear, no damage to her heart or brain. All in all, she’s responding well to treatment.
She’s still confused though, still disorientated whenever she wakes up but the doctors assure Santi that it’s completely normal and to be expected. He’d asked them how long it would take for her to become lucid and coherent, and they hadn’t really been able to give him an answer.
Could be a few days, could be another week.
But it’s okay, she needs to rest. She needs to rest and Santi needs to get a fucking grip on himself so he can be there for her when she’s finally fully conscious again.
He thinks the nurses have started to notice that he’s keeping his distance, and that they’ve been setting him up to touch her in small ways that he can never really say no to.
“Can you fix her blanket for me?”
“Hold her hand up while I replace the bandage on her IV?”
“Help me slide her over?”
He always does what’s asked of him, but his fingers never linger and he’s managed to do it all without directly touching her skin so far. The sweatshirt she’s in is good for more than just keeping her warm.
But still, he doesn’t really count it as touching her. Direct contact with her body isn’t something he can even imagine right now because he still wants to cry every time he pulls away from her, and he’s only touching a fucking piece of clothing she’s wearing.
Santi needs to get his shit figured out.
It’s not fair to her, not in the least.
So at three in the morning, when he knows it’s going to be another hour before her morning labs are drawn, when he knows that there won’t be a single person in to bother them until then, he gets out of the chair he’s been living in and moves to sit on the end of her bed.
She stirs, and the panic in her eyes is immediate. Her fingers tighten around the blanket and she looks like she’s getting ready to scream or cry out.
He hates it. He hates causing it even though he knows that he’s not really the reason behind it.
He clears his throat and whispers her name, trying his best to keep his voice from wavering.
She blinks, his voice clearly registering in her head though she still looks confused and unsure, but the terror melts away. She knows this is someone safe, someone that she can trust and someone who isn’t going to hurt her. She’s safe.
“Stay.”
“I’m right here, baby.”
She shakes her head and closes her eyes again. “You always leave.”
He’s figured out that she thinks she’s dreaming every time she opens her eyes and sees him. She thinks that she’s going to wake up to Nathan and that Santiago will be gone.
It breaks his heart.
“You’re not dreaming sweetheart. You’re okay.”
She shakes her head again.
“I’m right here,” he repeats, taking a deep breath before he reaches his hand out, but he stops when he’s only an inch away.
There’s no heat radiating from her, and if he wasn’t standing there watching her breathe he’d be thinking the worst.
It finally hits Santi just how small and fragile she is.
And now he feels like if he touches her, he’ll break her.
He pulls his hand back.
He’ll try again tomorrow.
OCTOBER SEVENTH — DAY FOUR
It’s cold and dark and his voice is coming from all around her. He’s calling her name, threatening her with things that she tries so hard to block out but they still creep into her mind, filling her with even more panic and dread as she’s left to think about what he’s going to do to her once he finds her.
Nathan calls it “The Game”.
He gives her a thirty second head start, tells her to run as far and as fast as she can, and if she can get away, she’s free. She can go home.
But if he catches her, his twisted words become a reality. He’ll keep her chained up for a few days, or maybe it’s a couple weeks or even a month, she’s never really sure but then the cycle repeats.
And he always catches her, always. No matter how sure she is that she’s finally escaped, he’s always right there to pin her to the ground and have his way with her. He’s always there to crush her hope and what little faith she’s able to gain back in those brief moments of thinking she’s free.
She shakes her head, trying to clear her mind enough to focus. She needs to get moving.
She looks down to figure out which way she had come and there’s snow. She hates snow. She used to love it, back when her and Santi would go for walks around Christmas time, hot cocoa in hand with their arms linked together. She wonders if he’s put the tree up this year. She wonders if Christmas has already passed.
But per usual, that happy thought of Santiago is ripped away from her when she hears Nathan’s voice again, this time only closer. Her skin crawls.
She has to start running. She knows she’s not as fast as she used to be, she’s too weak, but she has to try.
God, she hates snow.
She never stands a chance. It’s always so easy for Nathan to follow her tracks, and it always feels like there are tiny little needles stabbing into her bare feet with each step she takes, but she doesn’t allow herself to feel it in the moment, no. She never thinks about the pain until The Game is over, because of course she’ll take that moment of pain in trade for freedom. She’ll take those pins in needles if it means she’s just one step closer to getting away.
She thinks she might have it this time. Nathan’s voice is far off again, and she can see something in the distance. A road, maybe.
Yes, a road. That was definitely a car zooming past.
She runs faster, that familiar hope blossoming in her chest. She’s so close, so so close. Just a few more yards-
But then there’s crushing weight on top of her, and rough hands grabbing at her hips and she doesn’t have to look to know who it is.
He found her, of course he found her.
She immediately starts to cry, kicking herself because she should have expected it, she shouldn’t have gotten her hopes so high. All Nathan does is laugh and pull her closer, and then she feels his hand move into her hair. He holds her head up so she can keep her eyes on the road while he gets himself ready to do what he always does.
She tries to just lay there, begging her mind to drift off towards Santi, towards her safe place. When she thinks about him instead of what’s happening, it’s not so bad. Santi makes it all better.
But then another car drives by, and then another, and another and she can’t focus on anything but the fact that she’d been so close. There were people right there, maybe close enough to hear her if she’s loud enough.
She screams.
She wakes up screaming.
She’s screaming and kicking and Santi’s immediately by her side, calling her name, begging her to look at him but she doesn’t hear a thing, doesn’t register it.
He calls out for a nurse, starting to panic, afraid that she’s hurt and in pain but then he hears his name leave her lips in a broken, mangled sob and he knows she must’ve been dreaming.
He wants to cry with her. He hates seeing her like this.
Two nurses rush into the room, trying to get her attention as well but to no avail. They’re asking her what hurts, what happened, but all she can do is thrash around and call out for Santi again.
Hearing her like that, it’s the final push he needs to finally reach out to her.
Santi takes her hand, kissing each of her knuckles once he feels like she’s not going to punch him while he whispers that it’s okay, he’s right here and he’s not leaving her. She’s not with Nathan, she’s not in danger. She’s okay.
She doesn’t calm down, not really, so beyond terrified that Santiago’s voice is nothing but a trick her mind is playing on her, that he is the dream, one her brain had created to block it all out.
He repeats his words a second time, moving one of his hands up to her cheek, and it seems to break her out of it just a little bit more. He brings the second one up so that he’s cupping her face, and he watches as she immediately melts into him.
“You’re okay, sweet girl, it’s okay. It’s me, Santi.”
She doesn’t open her eyes. He wishes she would, but he doesn’t expect her to, not really. She’s so tired and he’s sure crying has left her completely exhausted.
He knows he’s right when her breathing evens out again.
But he doesn’t let go. Now that he’s touched her, he doesn’t want to stop, even though he knows that once she’s coherent it’ll probably be the last thing she wants.
He’ll take it while he can get it though.
He holds her hand all night long.
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violettelueur · 3 years
Text
— JUJUTSU KAISEN SERIES : EPISODE TWENTY-FOUR PREVIEW
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SAITAMA URAMI EAST JUNIOR HIGH - 1ST YEAR
“Here you go, you’ll need this”
Turning his head to look up, Fushiguro quickly noticed someone standing over him with their hand stretched out in front of him leading his eyes to peer down, only to notice a bandage wrap within the palm of their hands causing him to turn away as if he was looking away in disgust.
“Here you go, you’ll need this, you drag,” you repeated with the insult causing an irk to appear on Fushiguro’s forehead before turning to look at you with an annoyed expression present on his face.
“Go away, I don’t need it,” Fushiguro mentioned with some hint of annoyance and irritation within his tone causing the same irk to appear on your forehead as you then turned your head to look at the pile of beaten bodies that were behind him - an unsightly common sight since you enrolled into Saitama Urami East Junior High.
Sighing out loud, you suddenly grabbed the back of Fushiguro’s collar and began dragging him across the floor towards the bench that was close by (much to Fushiguro’s annoyance) and threw his body slight causing his upper shoulder area to hit the wooden side of the bench which lead him to hiss in pain.
“I don’t need it~ well sounds like you do,” you teased in a nonchalant manner causing Fushiguro to give you a sharp glare only to see that you had no reaction to it. Reaching into your blazer pocket, you took out a box of painkillers with some plasters in different sizes and a small pot of ointment before placing them on the outdoor bench.
“Don’t bother your sister too much...okay?” you rhetorically asked your classmate before turning back to walk away from the situation since you knew Fushiguro was going to question you on your knowledge about his sister even though he - on the outside - never really took the time to appreciate her or showed that he cared.
“What a drag,” you commented with another sigh before stretching your arms down to release the act that was slowly creeping its way to your shoulders as some students began to exit out of the school building to eat their lunch causing them to notice you as you gave them a little wave.
A FEW WEEKS LATER
Ever since that day, Fushiguro couldn’t help but begin to notice you slightly from the corner of his eyes as each day went by. At first, you sort of blended into the crowd in the sea of uniforms that was travelling around in the hallway, seeming to not want any attention from the teachers nor the students alike yet you seemed to somehow attract them leading you to offer the same small smile that he had somewhat gotten used to.
On the other hand, Fushiguro couldn’t help but get slightly annoyed at how your name was being called by the second, it was always “Y/N” this or “Y/N” that since you hated your last name being called. As in a matter of fact, he didn’t even have any acknowledgement or a hint of a clue of what your last name was at all. However, when you would say your name in your own tone, Fushiguro slowly began to notice how he then wouldn't get irritated causing a wave of confusion to hit him every time he would wonder why.
“Y/N, aren’t you going to participate in the elections for the student council, the teachers have nominated you?” one female student asked in a light tone causing Fushiguro to peak slightly over his arm as he was taking a nap for this lunch break, only to see you holding a book with a few other female students surrounding you.
“Nah, it’s such a drag...I don’t like taking responsibility for things,” you commented softly as you placed your thumb over the last word you were reading to keep a hold of your place causing the students around you to become confused before asking more questions causing some of your answers to perplex the erratic haired boy himself.
“I’m not good at organising things”
“I don’t have the time”
“I don’t like helping people”
“Liar,” Fushiguro muttered under his breath before closing his eyes again to fall into a quick nap while repeating the last words you had said to the students around you. 
“I don’t like helping people”
If you really didn’t like helping people, then why did you help him a few weeks ago? As well as leaving some first aid kit items on his table at the end of lunch to restock shall he say? Sure, you had helped other people here and there from letting them copy your notes to little study sessions during lunch to help the other person concentrate but he was wondering why you would help a delinquent like him...but further yet, why didn’t you ask for anything in return.
“Y/N, I found you,” someone said in relief, causing Fushiguro’s ears to spike up once he knew the familiar tone to the voice that decided to enter the conversation.
“I wanted to apologise for Megumi’s behaviour for the past weeks and wanted to pay you back for the medical items you had given him,” Tsumiki informed you causing Fushiguro to slowly open his eyes again to see Tsumiki’s arm outstretched with some cash within her palm while you looked down on at with a hint of disappointment in your face.
“Don’t bother your sister too much...okay?”
Placing your bookmark on the page you were on, you gently placed it down before folding Tsumiki’s fingers over the money she was kindly offering you as payment, leading her to give you a surprising expression since, with that action, she instantly knew you were declining.
“Don’t worry, you don’t have to repay me...Just take care of him, okay?” you mentioned with a soft tone before smiling up at your senior leading Fushiguro’s curiosity about you to heighten up even further than it was at the beginning.
“I don’t like helping people”
SAITAMA URAMI EAST JUNIOR HIGH - 2ND YEAR 
Walking in the school hallways, Fushiguro couldn’t help but notice how the gloomy and mundane weather was reflecting everyone’s mood as it seemed as if everyone had a lack of energy this morning and to be honest, he couldn’t blame them one single bit.
It was the day after, Tsumiki decided to attempt the test of courage at Yasohachi Bridge causing her to become cursed as she fell into a sudden coma causing guilt to begin eating him almost wholly as he took each step in the hallway. 
From what he recalled, Gojo had mentioned that Tsumiki was somewhat saved by a cursed technique leading her to not become physically injured at the attempt of jumping off, yet that didn’t save her from the curse that fell upon her since the lingering reverse cursed energy that was surrounding her body wasn’t enough or effective on her and the other students that decided to tag along with her leading him to wonder who was the person that tried to save his sister and her friends from that night.
Suddenly, Fushiguro heard something drop from behind causing him to turn his body completely, only to discover a fallen student leading him to widen his eyes on the sight before crouching down to check the pulse of the person only to discover that they were fine, as he then processed to turn his head to the side where more students from the classroom beside him began to drop one by one leading him to become more panicked since this was just the day after Tsumiki’s curse.
Unexpatantly, Fushiguro heard someone beginning to run towards his direction causing him to turn his head once again, only to find you running towards him with a somewhat worried expression on your face as you began to look at each classroom to see all the students within them passed out.
“Fushiguro!” you shouted in a panic leading him to quickly stand up on his feet as he reached out to you so he could rush you out of the school building to get you to Gojo to ensure your safety. If you were able to help him multiple times, maybe this time he could help you as his repayment.
Grabbing your hand, Fushiguro turned to his feet to begin running but for some reason, you weren’t running with him due to the halt of his movements when trying to pull you towards the exit of the school.
“Y/N, what are you doing? We got to run!” Fushiguro shouted in anger as he turned his head to face you eye to eye, only to come into eye contact with dark but glowing purple eyes causing his body to slowly become limp as his vision began to become gradually disorientated as an illusion of purple cherry blossoms began to fall around the both of you.
“Hakufuku”
Suddenly, Fushiguro began to lose his footing causing his body to quickly fall, only for you to catch him in your arms as you slowly lowered yourself to make sure his body didn’t harshly hit the floor due to any injuries he had gained from yesterday’s fight as you laid him on his side.
“Sorry, Fushiguro,” you whispered with a hint of regret before rapidly standing back up to run the other way which seemed towards the school’s computer’s system leading him slowly turn his head as he struggled to reach out towards your direction before the same arm dropped completely while his mind began to grow blank while your figure steadily disappeared from his sights while his memories of you began to gradually fade as he tried to maintain them with such difficulty.
“Y/N…”
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© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost
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clairecrive · 4 years
Text
“Small thing” - Alfie Solomons x reader
A/n: So, I failed to post this on saturday but here it is! Thanks again for requesting @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby! I changed a few things however I hope you’ll like this!
Summary: Alfie can’t help but step in when he sees that the man you were talking to was about to hit you. Then, one thing leads to another and eventually it’s your shared love for animals that’s what brings you together.
Word count: 2.2K (roughly)
TW: violence on animal, abusive behavior but fluff overall
Tag list: @mollybegger-blog, @evelynshelby, @br0ck-eddie, @of-love-and-of-the-sea, @shadow-of-wonder, @fandom--0verdose, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @sopxhiea, @fuseburner, @ashesbelle (let me know if you wanna be added or removed)
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(this beautiful piece of art was made by @fortunetellingnonesense. she has other amazing art so go check her out!)
“Hey, stop! What the hell are you doing?!" Your voice resounded in the streets, its echo jumping through the buildings amplified. You weren't one to shout, nor did you get into fights easily. But if there was one thing you hated, it was bullying. Especially when those pieces of shit always picked on people half their size or age. It wasn't fair and showed how insignificant they were. However true that might be, the cuts and bruises that their kicks and fists would leave on them weren't insignificant. Especially compared to a smaller body such as the one of this little kitty that piece of shit on the other side of the road had decided to kick. 
Unfortunately, it had taken the small kitten cries for you to notice what was happening. But now that you had, you couldn't turn a blind eye to it. Not even if you weren't a strong muscular person and there was no one in the streets could give you a hand. Given the hour, the street was deserted.
"This little shit has decided to pee all over my doorstep. That’ll show him." Not happy with the kick that had probably broken the kitten's ribs, the bloke spat on its trembling body and was about to keep going. 
"Don't you see that it's a little kitten? They don't even know what a doorstep is." You pointed out incredulously but wasn't it obvious? 
"You almost killed him", you added to show that it was totally unnecessary and simply a dick move. 
"I don't fucking care. He peed on my doorstep and I taught him a lesson." His voice became even harsher as he bragged what he thought was a grand gesture. But really, he only proved your point further.
"You're a piece of shit." Simply put.
"Oi, lady, I don't know who the hell you think you are but ain't no one gonna talk to me like that." You could see that he trying to make himself look bigger and threatening but you didn’t expect anything less from him and were set on not let him win.
"If only you cared about yourself just half as much as you cared for others than I wouldn't have to point out the obvious." Dismissing him, you turned towards the poor kitten that was pathetically laying on the floor. Their breath was uneven and you could tell they were having trouble doing so. 
Your words must have confused the man, who apparently wasn't accustomed to a more complex way of speaking. You hadn't apologized but he wasn't sure that you had offended him either. By your tone though, he figured out that it must have been the second. And of course, his ego was bruised. 
"Right, you sl*t, it seems that you need to be taught a lesson too." Too busy cooing over the small thing, his words didn't even register. It was probably going to be too late once they did but luckily for you, a guardian angel interceded for you. 
"It ain't very manly to hit a woman, mate, right." A loud husky voice spoke behind you and you looked up, cradling the kitten to your chest, ready to make a run for it if it came to it. A tall figure of a man leaning on his cane with a big hat that cast a shadow over his face was the newcomer. You had never seen this man before but one look at him was all it took to understand that you did not mess with him. If you didn't want to end up bloodied and broken, that is. 
The bully was about to shoot a retort but the burly man spoke again before he could, "Just like hitting small animals. What fucking beast would do that, hm." And then he spoke no more, only stared at the guy. You found amusing how big and mighty the guy was trying to be just a moment early when it had been only you, and how scared and spineless he was being now, under the stranger's unwavering stare. 
It only took a minute, maybe even less, for him to lower his head and retreat. 
"That's right, no more lesson teaching for you, bastard." You snickered, mocking him. When the man in question turned to send a death stare your way, you shivered and moved behind the stranger's back, just to be sure. 
"Keep on going, mate." The stranger said fully ridding you of that menace finally. 
"Asshole", you muttered under your breath as the man disappeared into his house. You must have been louder than you thought because that prompted the stranger to look at you. 
"What are you doing, lass, getting head to head with a guy bigger than you, eh. Got a death wish?" As you were standing close to him now, you were able to see his face clearly since he was looking down at you for the height difference. What a lovely face. A guardian angel had sent him for sure because there was no way that such a handsome and kind man would stumble into your life by coincidence.
"Look, he almost killed this kitten and was definitely going to if I hadn't stopped him." You didn’t move to put some space between you. His eyes were too mesmerizing to look anywhere but at them and the way his lips trembled before forming a small smirk, was too endearing to miss.
 The stranger’s name turned out to be Alfie, but that wasn't the only thing you ended up knowing about him. He was a fellow animal lover and the human of a sweet bullmastiff. He had a trusted vet and offered to take you to him. On the way, you got to know each other. Albeit, he did all the talking, only stopping to let you answer the many questions he asked you, it wasn't annoying as it may sound. His rumbling was… comforting, in a way. It gave your mind no room to think back about what happened or worry about what could have happened if Alfie hadn't shown up. It only allowed you to lightly caress the kitten's fur and hum now and then to what he was saying. 
———————————————————————————
And after months of knowing him, you could vouch that it was. 
He was an interesting fellow, this Alfie. Such a scaring looking guy, all burly and dishevelled. His cane angrily stomped the ground, his boisterous voice and confident stride successful kept away any wandering eye and unwanted attention despite how difficult it was to not notice them walking down the street.  Of course, since you had just met him, you couldn't know that this happened mainly because of his reputation. And you would have never guessed either because despite his rough exterior, there was an underlying tenderness in the way Alfie looked at the small thing in your arms and how quickly and unprompted he had offered to help. It was the recipe for a sweetheart, wasn't it? 
"Right, I reckon we should get him some help, don't we?" Alfie couldn’t help but find you amusing and was more than willing to spend a little more of his time with you. His day had been uneventful up until now. Besides, the small thing in your arms did need help.
After the kitten was entrusted to the vet's care and eventually saved, Alfie, moved by your love for animals, had asked you to take care of his boy, Cyril. Of course, you happily took the job. Yes, the money was good and certainly helped but you mainly agreed because of him. As naive as it sounds, Alfie had made a really good impression on you that day and always had been the portrait of the perfect gentleman around you. 
He would welcome you in and offer a cup of tea when you’d get to his home in the morning and another one when he'd come home in the afternoon before you'd leave. And whenever he needed to stay at the bakery until late at night, he'd phone and tell you either offering to have someone walk you home or when you'd refused to leave Cyril alone - that was your job after all- he had given you one of the spare rooms for you to crash in and get some sleep, always with the promise of a raise for the inconvenience. 
You were titubant at first, yes Alfie had always been nice to you but was it enough to trust him? Eventually, you caved and stayed the night. The door of your room locked and a route for a quick escape already in mind. You'd soon find out that you wouldn't need it though. Alfie had come home a little past midnight and despite the late hour, he didn't go to bed straight away. Instead, you heard some noises coming from the living room. 
Curiosity got the best of you and you ventured downstairs. You had cooked a small dinner and left some for him in the oven. Alfie however, hadn't even noticed. The concept of a cooked meal was new and far away from him, his nightly routine mainly consisted of whiskey and the papers he'd brought from the office. 
Coming home to someone was also something out of the ordinary for Alfie, so when your silhouette appeared in the doorway he thought he was hallucinating. The whiskey made him a little slow but his mind still worked quickly enough that you didn't notice his moment of disorientation. 
That night turned out to be an interesting one for both of you. Looking back to it, it was also a kind of turning point in your relationship. Whiskey proved to be something that made Alfie even more prone to speaking and since the night is young, you two talked a lot, and you inevitably ended up feeling closer to him. 
After that night, Alfie made sure to come home a bit earlier so that you could talk a bit before you had to head home. And you ended up spending more nights at Alfie's too. 
Today was one of those days when Alfie said he would come home in time for tea. So, as usual, you had got everything ready, the cookies you had just taken out of the oven were nicely arranged on a plate beside the two steaming cups of tea. 
———————————————————————————
"We are restless today, aren't we? But we just came back from our afternoon walk, so what can I do for you, eh?" You were sure you sounded utterly ridiculous, using a baby voice with him but you loved doing so whenever you talked to him. And you’d swear that he could understand you. 
"A-ha, these are not for you sweet boy," you tutted at Cyril when he tried to help himself to the food.
It felt like a crescendo, your relationship getting out of the acquaintances’ stage and entering something blurry that you still couldn't figure out. All you knew was that it was warm and it felt a lot like home.
"Alright, alright, I'll give you some cuddles." Yeah, maybe you were a little soft on him but how could anyone be anything but when he looked so cute laying on his back with his little paws in the air?  
Exactly. 
The sound of the door closing caught your attention and you got up from the ground and walked in the hallway to meet Alfie who was taking his hat off. 
"Welcome back, Alfie. How was your day?" Walking to him, you helped him take his coat off. After hanging it on the coat rack, you turn back around to listen to his answer. You expected him to have moved away instead you found your faces extremely close after you had turned around. 
A gasp left your lips when your noses brushed whereas Alfie appeared unaffected. His eyes flickered between yours, his moustache tickled your upper lip as he spoke, "it's about to get a lot better, it seems pet. What do ya think?" He whispered on your mouth, referring to your previous question. 
The kiss was slow at first, your lips were cautious of each other, tentative and shy. Then Alfie’s hand reached the back of your head and it was like a flip had been switched. Only a  brief pause to get some air, your forehead touching, before your lips reconnected. This time with far more hunger, like you had been waiting for this moment. And in fact, you had been. 
"Look who's decided to join, cheeky bastard", Alfie commented, amused at his dog who was now panting on his leg. Cyril barked as if he had understood his human and you couldn't help but laugh. This dog was something else. 
Your hands trailed on his shoulders up to his neck while the kiss grew more desperate and Alfie pushed you to the wall behind the coat hanger. His hands began wandering trailing down on your body and his mouth was about to follow when something humid and wet interrupted them. 
Your eyes bore into his then flickered to his mouth, so close to yours, before you answered him. "I wholeheartedly agree." And that was all he needed to hear before his mouth was on yours. A shot of electricity ran through you when he did.
"I'm sorry mate, but this is a dance for two," Alfie gave him a loving pat on his head, "now where were we?" he turned back to you before connecting your mouths again. 
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softinkshadows · 3 years
Text
drunken wrong room encounters w adultrio (x female reader)
Disclaimer: contains some lime-y content! HISOKA
The elevator at Heaven’s Arena dinged softly as its doors opened to the 200th floor. Flushed with a giddy smile on your face, your heart was full from the night’s festivities. Today you scored your 4th win on the 200th floor, and took to a nearby bar afterwards to celebrate. Being one of the only female fighters on the floor, you were swarmed with many fans; you smiled to yourself remembering  the cheers and ruckus from everyone at the bar, hands offering you yet another shot, loud hooting when you downed them all as you found yourself happily egged on to take one too many drinks. Thankfully the corridor was well-lit, if not you’d have trouble finding your way back to your room. You turned the door handle, going inside.  Did I forget to turn off the bathroom light? you wondered absentmindedly, kicking off your shoes. The room smelled a little different - sweeter? There was a scent of damask rose, but you brushed it off. You hummed a small tune as you started to undress yourself for the night, stripping yourself of your pants and outershirts (a little dirtied from the fight earlier) and laying them over the armchair at the room desk, finally only clad in a fitted neoprene tank top and underwear. You sighed a little, steadying yourself with the desk in order to stand up straight when you felt a rush of heat behind you. Strong arms pinned your hands to the desk as you felt the immobilizing weight of another body leaning against you from behind, the scent of roses now wafting heavily close. In your disorientation you felt the texture of a soft bath towel against your butt. “Eh?? Who the hell -” your protests were cut short as the strong limbs flipped you around, maintaining their grip on your wrists. “My, my, it seems like someone went into the wrong room.” A voice purred. You were spun around to face none other than the strongest fighter at Heavens Arena. His striking red hair fell in a damp tangle around his face, still dripping wet from the shower. Your eyes followed the thin trickles of water, as it fell onto his bare, sculpted torso. “Hi-hisoka!” you gasped aloud both in shock at in the embarrassment of the man who was barely clothed and leaning over you on the desk. You felt your face flush with warmth, your head still spinning from the effect of alcohol. He moved closer, golden eyes glinting with mischief, until his face was barely inches away from yours. “I saw your fight earlier, you were.. good,” he emphasized the last word, his lips curling into a smirk. The slight suggestiveness, his piercing eyes, the proximity of his body were enough to make you more flustered, as a strange heat began to pool in your abdomen. “Wait- wh-what is thi- I’m gonna kill y-you,” you stammered incoherently. Hisoka leaned towards your ear. 
“Would you like me to... stop?” he whispered, biting on your ear lobe. “A-ah!” you gasped, feeling a tinge of arousal creeping between your legs. He moved downwards to breathe lightly against your neck. “Yes...” he began, using his tongue to delicately trail your skin, travelling the length from your collarbone to your ear, “or no?” His tongue flicked your ear again. His fingers laced with yours, body pressing into you, the sensation of his tongue making you tremble as you felt the heat between your legs grow. “N-...Ye-..yes,” you struggled to form your words, your mind clouded with a feeling of confusion, irritation and pleasure, along with that heady scent of damask rose.  “Very well.” You heard a chuckle before you felt the world spin a little. Everything was a blur; you being carried bridal style - the lights and airconditioning of the corridor - another door opening and closing - the softness and familiarity of your own bed. You felt exhaustion begin to wash over you, barely making out Hisoka’s chuckled words before he closed the door. “As for a fight... I’ll do you anytime. Come to me when you’re ready, or when you want your clothes back.” ILLUMI “Y/N, are you sure you don’t want me to walk you back to your room?” Leorio asked, being the gentleman that he was. It was the 287th Hunter Exam, and you managed to clear the 4th round. Now all the participants who passed were on the airship headed from Zevil Island back to the Hunter’s Association building, and you and Leorio had taken to celebrating with rounds of indulgent drinking. “NAH IM OKAY!” you exclaimed exuberantly, even though you were clearly wasted. “Thanks for, y-your hard work todayyyyyyy, Leoleo!” “It’s Leorio!!” he yelled back, irritated but stifling a laugh, before walking towards the other residential wing of the blimp.  “Room 16...17...ah 18...?” you clambered around unsteadily, before finding the door knob. The room was dark save for a rectangular window on one wall, letting in some shafts of moonlight. The bed looked incredibly inviting after a long and tiring day, especially with the physical strain of the last exam round. White soft sheets and a thick fluffy duvet heaped on the large bed. At least there were some perks for getting this far, you thought. Standing by the side of the bed, you stretched your body in exhaustion and satisfaction. “Tsukaretaaaaa~ (trans: I’m so tired~~)” you breathed, removing all your clothes in one fell swoop, letting them fall noisily to the floor. You weren’t going to bother with a shower now, you could deal with that tomorrow. Now, you just needed some quality rest before you’d be raring to go for the last exam round the day after. You pulled the soft duvet up to your chin, ready to drift into deep sleep. Next to you, on the other side of the bed, something stirred. A soft, displeased voice grumbled, “Hisoka, what is it this time...” Someone got up and was now above you, legs on either side of your waist, forearms bent at right angles and pressed to the bed to hold themselves up. “I thought we agreed...” Illumi trailed off, looking down at the person he thought was in his bed, before realizing he had made a mistake. For a moment, he was stunned. “Huh?” “Haah?” You responded, in a drunken drawl. Through your flushed cheeks, and slightly blurred vision, you saw a beautiful man with deep raven-coloured eyes. Long black hair fell silkily down to the pillow, cascading like a veil over your head. You were vaguely aware of his arms on both sides of you, and the proximity of his body to yours, but it didn’t feel intrusive. There was almost a feline lightness to his features and limbs. You were certain that you’d never seen this man before, at least throughout the hunter exam, and you were so sure that you were dreaming. Illumi turned his head to look at the discarded clothes on the floor, before turning back to you. “Ah..” He then realized the state of you resting in his bed, and his eyes wavered a little, his heart leaping just a bit faster than usual. What should he do? How did years of assassin training not prepare him for this? At this point you had made a move to sit up slightly, the duvet falling a little further around you below your chest. “Um...”  his nimble fingers picking up the duvet to cover your chest, a faint blush dusting his pale cheeks. Enjoying every moment of what you were certain was a dream, you reached up to gently twine your slender fingers in his black hair. “So soft....” you remarked as you felt the strands, your eyes dazzling with awe and inebriation. Your hands made your way to his face, and your fingers moved along his brows, nose, before resting on his cheeks. “So soft~~” you squished his cheeks gently, giggling a little. W-wh-what was that? In a flash, the man above you moved away, and your hands grasped only at air. You sulked out loud a little before falling finally into slumber, letting out a small snore. At the other end of the bed, Illumi was awake, staring at the wall with a strange tingle in his chest, his ears unmistakably red. CHROLLO You’d just about had it. Seething with anger, you pressed your floor button in the hotel lift, leaning back to the wall with your arms crossed. You knew you would have to meet unsavoury people in your job as a reporter, but nothing had readied you for tonight’s event. This gala was attended by the supremely, grossly overpaid upper class, another fundraising event to line the pockets of yet another private trust. The pitiful looks they gave you, their derogatory comments...! Thankfully as part of the job you had a suite in the hotel that hosted the event, and you exploited the complimentary flow of alcohol too... You noticed your suite door ajar, and caught a glimpse of a service cart. Hmph, at least there’s additional room service too, you thought, pushing the door open to enter. The hotel maid caught a glimpse of you, cheeks red from all the wine and champagne, stumbling a little into the suite. Her eyes glanced over towards the master bedroom and back at you, turning embarrassed as if having understood something, before leaving the room hurriedly. 
“ANNOYING RICH PEOPLE!” you yelled to yourself, flinging your shoes near the doorway before collapsing on a large leather sofa. You looked out of the down to floor windows at the glimmering lights of the city, floating hazily before you. You felt one of your dress straps fall past your shoulders, and your black evening gown was already hitched up past your knees, but you didn’t really care. A sound of soft footsteps approached before you saw someone looking down at your lying figure. His black hair fell close to his shoulders, there was a funny cross tattoo on his forehead, his grey eyes piercing and inscrutable. Ah, you remembered him from the gala too, although he was alone most of the time, interacting only with a few select people. Now he had half unbuttoned the vest of his 3-piece suit, and was in the process of loosening his tie. His voice was gentle, but contained a trace of amusement. “Miss, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong room.” “NO YOU’RE IN THE WRONG ROOM!” you yelled in drunken stupor, not even making sense anymore. You sat up disheveled. “PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE ALL THE SAME, LOOKING DOWN ON OTHERS, USING PEOPLE LIKE THEY ARE TOYS AND THEN THROWING THEM AWAY. DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY HUMANITY?” you ranted, not realizing that he had taken a seat on the sofa near you. He propped his head up with one hand resting on the armrest, his eyes twinkling and he gazed at you. Even with his loosened tie, and a dress shirt tucked out, there was something alluring about him, drawing you deeper into an abyss. You couldn’t tell if it was dangerous or just seductive. You didn’t even hear the words you were saying. “AND DAMN YOU AND YOUR GOODLOOKING FACE.” He chuckled to himself, before looking back into your eyes with his steely grey ones.  “And how shall people like me be punished?” he asked softly. You found yourself climbing into his lap, your tousled hair now falling a little out of your bun, you knees between his, as you leaned close to his face. You felt the heat of his body below yours. “LIKE THIS.” Without warning, you raised your hand, and gave his forehead a quick and powerful flick. He didn’t even blink, although his eyes registered some kind of shock. Then Chrollo burst out into a small laugh, running his fingers through his hair. So amusing, he thought to himself. Perhaps I can enjoy myself tonight.
Feeling a little mocked, you continued, spurred by embarrassment, “Y-YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU? NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, YOU’RE JUST... EMPTY!” 
Before you knew it, suddenly you were on you back, and Chrollo’s hands gripped both of yours, pinning you down hard. Your words had struck a nerve. Surprised from the movement and his reaction, you were speechless, your cheeks now a little warmer when you realized the position you were in, your dress now hiked up almost to your waist. “Perhaps I can prove you wrong,” he whispered, leaning so close both your lips were almost touching. Chrollo knew, from all the women that threw themselves at him throughout the gala, that any of them would immediately take this chance now. He was craving a little release after all, and by this point, no one would refuse.  Then, you stared at him, face red with a mixture of anger and embarrassment, and stuck out your tongue defiantly like a child. With your hands pinned above you, you looked away, pouting. S-so cute! One of Chrollo’s hands flew to shield his face momentarily to stifle a laugh, and a discernible blush covered his cheeks. He stood up from the sofa and straightened out his shirt, walking into the bedroom before returning with an extra duvet. By then, you had dozed off asleep, and he glanced at your weary form. Such an amusing, vulnerable creature. He chuckled, laying the duvet gently over you. “Sleep well tonight, my dear. I’ll be with you in the morning when you wake.” ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Notes: I wanted to write the last Chrollo-only one for the previous situation, but somehow this floated into my mind. I found myself internally screaming when writing the Illumi portion becos Hiso-Illu just dropped so casually I’m like... sometimes I’m glad I have this brain 
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plush-rabbit · 3 years
Text
I Want To Hear You Say It
Chapter 4: Missed Comfort
Word Count: 3.8K
A/N: I just realized that this is my story and I can choose what happens
Prev.
Memories are fragmented, pieces of glass that has broken and shards that escape him and hide elsewhere, leaving his past broken, blurry and incomplete, painful to pick at and there has to be a reason why, there has to be a reason why whenever he thinks about who he was before he was found by All For One, that he scratches at his skin, tearing the flesh off from body, dirty blood that covers his hands and leaves him gasping for air, making him fear that he’ll suffocate before the memory grows clear. He can remember kind words, he can remember breakfast and playing, he can remember something soft under his chin, he can remember love for a moment, a moment that leaves him sick and broken, clasping his hands around his neck and hoping that he’ll die. He can remember the harsh stare, eyes that belong to a monster, eyes that are unforgiving with a hand that is merciless, the harsh feeling of the ground and the eyes that can only look away until he’s forced to face the monster in front of him, the monster that strikes over and over again and it fills him with hatred, it fills him clarity, the one moment where he can breathe and he stares into his reflection, covered in his own blood with red rimmed eyes, and he’s home.
Tomura Shigaraki stands in a room with few possessions, his body cold as he lays above the worn out bed, springs that dig into his back and a pillow that is far too flat to bring any sort of comfort. 
He grew up in the care of All For One, molded and cared for, the embrace clear in his head and there are flashes of memories that are clear, ripe for the picking and allowing him to view who he is now. But he brushes past them. He brushes past the dust on the floor and the tantrums, past the cold wooden floorboards under his feet, the weight of the hands on him are lighter and heavier all at once, lifting him into the air with the promise of love. The hands pinch around his body and threaten to drag him into the depths of hell, moaning out to him, his name broken and unsure, calling him something too different and too similar that leaves him retching and covering his mouth with his hand.
Tomura Shigaraki can remember Kurogiri. He can remember the wisp of a man, purple and black mixing, shades light in certain areas, mixing and swirling with the darker colors, creating a beautiful shade that disappears and is never shown, a shade that was never meant to be seen hides deep within the man. He can remember the apprehension, the choked up feeling, like something small was lodged in the base of his throat, uncomfortable and manageable. He can remember the soft words, the hands that touched him, defying physics and the vapor having actual feeling to it, actual touch that moves the hair across his face. He can remember the shared meals, proper and simple, the hatred in his eyes that soon turned into acceptance and silent compliance with every meal. 
People come into his life and they leave. So far, the League of Villains has remained whole. Kurogiri separated but for the good of the mission. For the good of the plan. For the good of him- Tomura Shigaraki. People separate and they come together. 
He doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s developed a kinship with the team. He’s developed genuine emotions towards them. He doesn’t want to call them friends. It feels odd- heavy and foregin, the word unspoken of, even when he was just a child, he never spoke the word, flinching when he thought of it because he knew that he was alone. All For One was his sensei, his master, a father-like figure to him but never a friend. Kurogiri was … something. Kurogiri was something else, heavy and comforting, wanted and pushed away. The team right now, they are his comrades. They are the people that he cares about- their wishes and likes, their desires and wants- that’s what he cares for. He’ll spit at the idea of caring, deny it with a wave of his hand, but he cares.
He’s lived a lonely life. And in the blink of an eye, it became filled with people. And he was accepting of that, he can handle people following his bidding, he can handle people if they’re there to serve his cause. But then you come along.
You aren’t there to serve anything. You are nothing to him. And yet, you still fill his mind. He lets it wander and you come into view, the way you brushed his hair and dried it for him, offering to pick something that he’d like to eat. You called him a friend. You were lying. You told a lie to save your skin from a prying neighbor. It’s easy for him to believe that you told a lie. You did. You lied only to protect yourself. But then he can feel your hands again and the touch has faded, it’s nothing more than a ghost that caresses his skin when he’s falling asleep, his own hands crawling to hold the place where you held and his sleep ruined when his hands are not like yours. They don’t hold the same delicacy, the gentleness that made him feel at ease- they aren’t your hands. Your touch is fading and he hates it. He hates that he misses the way you cared for him, the way you let him into your home and cared for him. He is a wounded man, alone in a world with only a few companions, and it’s been so long since he’s felt a touch that wasn’t filled with malice, that wasn’t a rough, teasing punch or a reassuring squeeze of a shoulder, but one where it was focused on him and being gentle, treating him like he were glass. 
He doesn’t want to admit it to himself but he wants to see you. He needs to feel your touch again. He needs a moment where your hands are on him and then he can be satisfied, he can be fine without your touch that haunts him.
-
Learning your schedule is relatively easy. People don’t want to admit that they’re predictable, they want to remain a mystery, they want to be hidden from view and open up when they feel like it and you are no different. You stick to yourself. You don’t talk to people in your apartment complex- minus a few people who stop to chat, a forced smile that takes place on your face. Even at work, you give polite smiles, you eat alone in your car, watching a video on your phone and always peering outside the window, like you’re scared that someone is watching your every movement. You’re polite and you stick to a routine, you treat yourself to the bakery and leave with a white bag curled in your hand and you pass by the alleyway where you first met. And there’s a leap in his heart when you pause, and he can see your hand tighten around the paper bag and then you move on. You continue to walk, faster, a pace that catches the eyes of a few pedestrians and before you can reach the stairs, your keys are in your hands, and you’re inside your home and you’re out of view. 
It has to be a sickness that he has.  He has to be sick with the way that he always finds himself wandering into the alleyway, crouched where you found him and he hates that he can’t remember your scent, hates that he was too disorientated to focus on the important details that you had. He hates that he only realized that he wanted- that he craved and desired your touch when you were gone. He doesn’t bother lying to himself, he’s not in the area to clean any loose ends, the blood that had fallen from him has long since dried, fallen into the crevices of the ground, weeds that have bloomed and raised where he had squashed them. He’s here filled with hope, hope that diminishes whenever you don’t arrive at the same time that you once did. And he hates himself when he feels disappointment, the feeling coursing through his body and leaving him empty, leaving him with acid in his mouth and blood on his neck. 
It was fate then. You worked a late shift and you came to him. You had saved him because he was meant to continue on. You pushed him to live another day. He wonders if you know who he is. How would you react? Would you accept his views? Do you believe that society is damned? That everything within hero society is corrupted and needs to be changed? Would you accept him? 
He laughs to himself. It’s a short burst of laughter, bubbling past his lips and it’s short until he presses himself further into the brick. Of course, you’d accept him. Of course you would accept him. You did it once. You let a stranger into your home, welcomed him and brushed his hair, held him in your hands and let him live in your life for a moment- you’d accept him with open arms. 
-
It was a miscalculated risk. Heroes that were unaccounted for due to how close they were. He’s injured, face trickling with blood that mixes with his sweat and he’s unsure of where the wound is. His clothes are singed at the end, fabric crumbling and fingers painted in soot as he runs through the night, gasping for air. It’s cold and sharp, entering his lungs and chilling his throat, every breath painful and heavier, as he runs. Red ruins his vision and he swipes it away with the back of his hand, blood flickering onto the pavement, seeping into the cracks and leaving nothing but dark spots. He runs and he runs. His legs hurt, aching at the joints, muscles pulled taut, and he knows that if he stumbles, he’ll collapse. Father is held tight against his face, piercing at his skull, hands pulled taut around him, pulling him back and the hands on his neck choke him.
He knows where he’s going. He’ll deny it to himself, lie and say that it was his own moving on it’s own accord, leading him past the convenience store, hands ripped from his body and shoved into pockets, bulging and pale gray fingertips that peek beneath the pockets, stiff fingers intertwined with each other and he’s lying to himself, telling weak lies that even he can’t believe. He runs towards you, running and gasping, a burst of adrenaline spiking through his body and sirens are ringing through the air, colors flashing and you’re so close. He runs, sweat mixing with blood, a heavy red color that reminds him he is only human, he’s covered in his blood, he’s covered in people’s blood and ash, weighing him down and clinging to his ankles, dragging him to hell as the devils rush behind him. His steps are heavy, slapping against the stairs and he’s knocking at your door, pounding and there’s a moment of fear where he thinks someone else will awaken before you do and he’s begging, calling your name in a whisper that cracks and cuts through his alreadys scarred lips and he’s begging for you to open the door, a silent prayer that is echoed into the night and there’s nothing more than he wants to do than to touch you.  He’s close to touching the doorknob, desperate to find safety inside until the light turns on underneath he’s cursing you in his mind for being so careless, for letting the person outside- letting him know that you are home- and he steps away and the door opens and you stand him front of him with heavy eyes, a disheveled appearance with an annoyed expression that only lasts for a second, a moment where he has you entire attention and then you break and you call his name and he stumbles inside and he’s safe.
The door is closed behind him and the ringing stops. He’s inside your home, leaning against the wall, and he’s filthy, coated in grime and sweat, blood that runs down his face from an unknown wound, legs heavy and he slides down the wall and he can see you, standing away from him, a horrified look on your face and maybe this was a mistake. That you didn’t feel whatever he felt. That you were just trying to be nice. A hand reaches, fingers outstretched and he can imagine how soft you’d be, the look of horror frozen on your face as he’s the last thing you see and then you kneel down, and you’re shaking and your words are stuck in your throat.
Your hands are soft. Softer than he remembered, cusping his face and he’s grateful for it, leans into your touch until you grab at something foreign on his face, and Father is removed and held so tenderly in your hand. His eyes widen. He forgot to remove Father. Sirens grow closer and you look out the door and he’s weak and unable to stand as you lift and walk towards the door and there’s a shake of your hands, you clasp around the door knob and you seem to struggle with yourself internally before you latch on the locks and turn back to him. You call his name and he calls yours and he wants to lean in but he’s bloody and you are clean, and he sits against your wall as you hold Father and walk away. 
He sits on the floor and closes his eyes for a second and when he opens them, you’re crouched in front of him, Father beside him and he watches as you bring up a wet rag and whisper to him. “I’m just going to clean you up, okay?” Your voice is shaky, hands matching as they dab against his forehead, your other hand pushing his pale blue hair upwards. “Tomura?” He grunts in response. You pause, your lip is bitten and he wants to know what you’re thinking. “Why are you here?” You dab and the pale blue cloth in your hand turns into a horrible shade, sweat, blood and dirt standing the ruined piece of fabric. Realization has set into your eyes, the fear leaking off of you and yet your hands are nothing but gentle. 
“I wanted you to touch me,” he mutters and your hands still. “I needed it.” He lets his words hang in the air. He can feel the press of your palm against him, and you don’t respond. You clean him, cleaning the sin from him. “Do you know who I am?” 
“I think I can take a guess.” Your hands leave him and you turn from him, pulling out a pack of wipes, the white bright against your palm and then you’re cleaning at him again, discarding the wipe after wipe, the pack becoming thin as you clean him. “Are you going to-” you swallow nervously and you meet his eyes, unsteady and glistening with unshed tears- “you know.” Your eyes dart to his hands and then back to his eyes.
He laughs. It’s rich and filled with something indescribable and he leans towards you, peeling himself away from the wall and you stiffen when his forehead rests against your shoulder. Father has slipped and is on the floor. You’re still, faltering against him and he wants nothing more than to touch you. His lips brush against your neck and he can hear a sharp intake of breath, hands that react and grip the sides of his shirt, pulling him closer to you, and he wonders if you’re crying as he’s pressed against you. 
“I could never hurt you,” he whispers against your neck, nuzzling closer, feeling your pulse quicken. “You were so nice to me-” his hands are unsteady as they brush up your shirt and he hears you whine, and his fingers are pressed against the soft side of you, and he smiles, hidden from you- “I will never hurt you.” It’s the truth- a wholehearted truth that he will never use his quirk against you, he’ll protect you, watch over you and dig his nails into you. He won't ever hurt you, he won’t have you bleed because of him, he’ll keep you with him and protect you, have his hands wrap around you in the loving way that his do, remind you that he’s letting you live and giving you all his love- whole and innocent, twisted and pure. “I love you,” he murmurs and there’s a swell in his chest when you twist his shirt in your hands and your pulse beats against him. “Perhaps it’s too quick to tell each other that-” he hums into you, smelling the sweet scent of vanilla on you- “but I love you. And I’ll protect you.” His nails dig into your skin, red appearing, a pale shade that stings and doesn’t stain his fingertips.
Perhaps it was too quick to give each other your love. But when he pulls away and he sees you crying, hands still gripped against his shirt, a rise and fall of your chest and he smiles. His hands leave you and your shirt flutters and it’s covered in grime, sticking to your chest and it’s wrinkled. Tears fall from your eyes, tracing down the curve of your face, polling and dripping off your chin and you can only look at him with wide eyes and you’re doubling over, gasping for breath, your hands wrapped around you, trying so desperately to control your breathing and you look over, watching the door with hope that vanishes in a second. It’s quiet outside. There are no heroes around. You look back at him and he smiles at you.
“Shigaraki?” You ask him, and there’s a frown on his lips. You need to check if it’s really him, praying that this is a sick joke, exchanging your life for a moment of false reality, to be laughed at because this is some cruel, sick joke that doesn’t exist and isn’t happening before your eyes. “Tomura Shigaraki?”
“You can call me Tomura,” he coos, his hands bringing your face up, held so tenderly, so carefully, with poised and raised fingers, trying not to touch you and you’re crying and he’s shushing you. “You don’t have to cry,” he murmurs. “I mean it-” he leans in closer and your eyes shine with fear, colors mixing together to create a lovely shade of color that he has never seen before and when you cry, it glosses over and he tilts his head, smile stretching past his lips- “I would never hurt you.”
“Be-” your voice cracks and there's a soft pink that licks at your lips and he leans in. “Because I was nice to you?” You’re so hesitant and so scared, trembling under his palm and your tears pool onto him.
“Because you cared for me, yes.” He could never hurt you, never bring himself to cause you to cry. He’s so careful to pull away, hands fisted once he’s moved and he looks around and grabs at a wipe, brings it under your eyes and he shushes you when you flinch from him, his hand gripping at the side of your face, string and firm. “I hate seeing you cry,” he murmurs. You’re scared and new to these feelings. He won’t push you. He’ll stay by your side, faithful and patient, wait for you to come to him and profess your love, and he’ll wipe away your tears. “I love you,” he repeats.
He rises and pulls you up and you stand in the entrance, you stumbling into his chest, and his arms holding you up and he’s nuzzling into the crown of your head, and when you start to sob, shaking into his chest and clinging to the back of his coat, hands threatening to spill from the pockets, he pats your back carefully, run the side of his hand down your back in a comforting motion, slowly turning until his palm is against you and your sobs are muffled into his chest, with your tears staining his shirt. Your name is whispered into the room and you cry until you pull away and he stares at you patiently and you can hardly meet his eyes when you tell him he can use the shower and he stands alone, as you walk into your room, letting the door remain open.
He showers and he lets the water fall from him, dries himself with the same towel he had used from the other day. He washes himself free from grime and wears the same clothes, filthy and hanging from his body, sticking uncomfortably and he wears clothes that are his and he smells like you. His hair is wet and tangled and he brushes at the knots, and makes himself look presentable. He won’t have the first night that he sleeps here cognitive sullied by the outside world. He sits on the chair in your room, watches as you pull the blankets up to your chin and have your back turned to him. He comes to sit at the edge, his hand slowly coming down until he’s holding onto your neck, stroking it, feeling the way that you jerk and go painfully still, and he whispers your name. It's a gentle call, feeling you brush against his fingertips, calling out to you because he knows you’re still awake. 
“Yes, Tomura?” You respond and there’s a level of politeness that sticks to your words and makes him frown. 
“I’ll be back to see you soon, okay?” He has to leave for now. He needs to go before he can give in to his wants and touch you, to let himself bury into your chest and hold you, and sleep beside you. “But I’ll be back, okay?” He pulls away and the bed creaks as the weight shifts. He’s closing your door, and his eyes are on your body and he’s smiling to himself. “Don’t try anything dumb, okay?” He doesn’t wait for an answer- you’re smart, you know who he is. It isn’t a threat, it’s just a phrase that he knows will keep you in line from trying anything reckless- he’s viewed you, watched you and he knows that an empty threat will keep you in check. “I love you.” He whispers your name and it’s filled with love, enough to make him sigh and close the door, lean against it for a moment and let his imagination wander on how you’d welcome him into bed and hold him. The door to your apartment clicks shut and he’s walking out, Father holding tight against his face, and a strange calmness flooding throughout his body.
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tundrainafrica · 3 years
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Hey so how does it feel to carry the entire Levihan fandom on your back? I absolutely love all your stories! I always look forward to when you update! I had an idea for a fic but I haven't seen anyone do it. Where past levi wakes ups ( when he only sees hange as a friend) in the future to find that he's happily married to hange or living domestically with her and just contemplates his feelings for her
Title: Unwritten
Summary:
“Hange Zoe. One of the reasons why she creates really quality works is because aside from writing the script, she’s very hands on with everything from the direction, to the design and just the overall production… And she knows how to do it. When I watch her movies, it feels like they're peering into my soul or something.”
“Peering into your soul…” It was a tacky choice of words and Levi could only repeat them with some level of disbelief.
“What makes Hange Zoe's writing special are those in betweens. The unwritten parts... if you know what I mean?" 
Levi is assigned to work with screenwriter Hange Zoe and he is left constantly wondering why the hell she's taking her work so seriously.
Link: AO3
Note: I conceptualized this long fic after looking through a some of the prompts in my inbox and playing with them.. TYSM to everyone who sent those. I won't be dropping all the prompts I used when making this now because it might end up spoiling the fic as a whole but I will be dropping the prompts with every chapter I updated.
This fic doesn't actually follow any prompt strictly, I twisted the prompts around them, tore them apart, put them together so they might seem unrecognizable for some.
Either way, I'm very grateful to readers who are sending me prompts. It keeps me writing and brainstorming even when life gets terribly busy.
So thank you for them :D. I'm trying to get back to posting my writing more regularly again and this fic has been sitting in my folder for a while, I was just a little nervous to post it. Thanks to itShailaAM for looking through it!
If neither of us remember anything… Then it’s like it never happened right?
The voice was nostalgic, heart wrenchingly nostalgic. It had a unique way of twisting at his gut, spidering up his spine then leaving an almost painful pang in his chest.
Despite the overwhelming sensations, Levi found himself still able to take control.
So he reached out.
Then he was chasing after her again.
Chasing… He then wondered. How long had he been chasing? How long had he been awake?
With the first light of morning, whatever message, whatever meaning he could have made up for himself dissipated.
Or maybe it was never there to begin with.
For the first time in years or even decades, Levi was wasting his early morning window before work. He wasn’t doing much of anything but staring up at the white ceiling in some feeble attempt to make sense of it again. He came up empty save for two things: a faint throbbing in his head and a half hearted conclusion that maybe it really was just some fevered dream.
“Good morning!"  Someone was right next to him. Her voice was higher, more mellow. A hairs breadth away from his ear though, it grated.
Levi narrowed his eyes and the blur cleared somewhat. “Petra?” He heard himself speak. He was in an unfamiliar in-between, completely in control of himself, yet strangely disconnected. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Petra put one hand on the back of her head and gave him a sheepish grin. “Sorry about barging in like this…” She didn’t have to apologize. They were childhood friends and with all the family gatherings they had spent together growing up, they were more than comfortable just flitting in and out of each other’s apartments.
Levi didn’t respond. There were more important things to think about like the slow and almost painful process of sitting up. That morning, he was a little more careful than usual.
“Your mom told me to check on you.” Petra continued.
“Typical,” he muttered coldly. He turned towards the window, and took in the view of the blue sky, a few stories above ground. It should calm him if he stared at it long enough. “She always overreacts,” he added. At that point, the crankiness had started to subside and Levi realized he didn’t mind the doting too much. His mother had always been like that anyway. Growing up, a sprained ankle or an animal bite from a family pet had always been enough for Kuchel to insist on a visit to the doctor.
Petra let out a dry chuckle. “I don’t blame her though. Since the accident, she’s been asking about you every...”
Everyday. Levi completed it for her. He wouldn’t be surprised if his mother had asked about him every hour. “She can always ask me directly,” he said out loud before Petra could finish. He didn’t feel too bad about interrupting. Petra had been speaking particularly slowly since a while ago and if he let her speak like that for any longer, they might not get anything done.
As if she had read his mind or at least noticed the impatience, she immediately gathered herself. “You always downplay it,” she said, more clearly this time.
“She always exaggerates it.”
“That accident was pretty bad though.” Petra cocked her head to the side. “I’m sure you understand that, right?”
Levi averted his gaze for a brief second. He couldn’t deny that part. That accident had apparently been bad enough to merit a month long hospital stay, bad enough for Levi to not remember much of it aside from the phantom pains in his chest, And bad enough to take the brunt of the pain and the inconvenience of dealing with the symptomatic disorientation, the fatigue and the begrudging need for some support.
A few seconds of reflection later, Levi concluded maybe there was good reason for that overreaction. “But I can take care of myself.”
Ironically, his body chose that moment to teeter.
“Hey, you okay?” Petra put one warm hand on his shoulder. “You think you can make it to work today?”
The throbbing at the back of his head had dulled to a bearable ache but he could have sworn it had been worse in the hospital. “I don’t have enough leaves,” he said. He focused for a while longer on Petra’s eyes and saw reason.
Maybe I can take a longer break?
His body was probably silently begging for more leaves. On the contrary, another part of him had been yearning for normalcy for a while. Practicality had been the deciding factor. Although Levi had more than enough leaves, did he have more than he would have been comfortable giving up? Maybe not. He wouldn’t take it anyway. He had more than enough strength to push himself out of bed and pad lightly to the bathroom.
Unwillingly or willingly? He was too tired to tell.
“You were in the hospital just a week ago.” Petra was a voice of reason or a voice of temptation.
“I can’t take any more leaves,” Levi repeated again, as if saying it louder somehow made it more convincing. He made his way to his closet, keeping his strides purposeful, partially for himself, partially for her.
Even for a long time friend, Petra had always been shy and conservative. As soon as Levi motioned to pull his shirt up, she rushed out of the room in some characteristic gesture of modesty.
His bedroom door closed with a click and Levi started to slip his clothes off much faster. His head continued to throb. There was a strange ringing in his ears and the room was a little drafty, typical for early spring.
Levi didn’t have the mind space to prepare for that brush with icy wind. Fucking hell. Discomfort then the desperation that followed had him considering calling in sick again.
After using up three week’s worth though, vacation leaves were starting to feel more like a scam than an actual benefit of the job. He ran through the motions of his typical morning routine. Or at least, what had been typical a month ago. Since the accident, he hadn’t worn anything but loose shirts, pajamas and hospital gowns. Back in the hospital, he had been asleep a lot of that time.
He pulled his pants on, then sluggishly pulled his sweater over him, dolefully noting how snug fitting clothing seemed like strangers to his skin.
He didn’t feel like the same person anymore.
It looked like Petra did notice something was different. Over breakfast, she had pushed the plates closer to him. She did the honors of pouring the scrambled eggs onto his plate, then placing a loaf of bread right next to him. “Eat, we have a long day ahead.”
Levi mumbled something that could have been a ‘thanks’ or a ‘yes.’ He didn’t think too far about it either. There were more pressing things to deal with, like internally psyching himself up for his first day back at work and finding routine once again in the recovery process.
For a few minutes after, the two were silent in the small kitchen save for the sound of chewing and the sound of cutlery clacking on the plate.
“Hey Levi,” Petra hesitantly broke the silence. “You really don't remember what happened?” She had asked that question countless times before, back at the hospital, on his first day back at home and every single time she paid a visit.
He chalked it up to worry. In some semblance of a response, Levi downed the bread in his mouth in one painful gulp, then took a sip of tea. “I remember waking up in the hospital.”
“Before that.”
Levi dropped the half eaten bread on the plate and stared straight up at the ceiling for a second. “Leaving work,” he answered. It was too vague of an answer and Petra didn't seem satisfied.
Of course she wouldn’t be satisfied. He always walked the same route home and routine wouldn’t give too much of an answer to the question of how the hell more than a month ago, he had ended up with a severe concussion and a few contusions in the hospital emergency room, a few towns away from his own.
Past was past though. There was no use digging into it. At present, he had medical bills to pay and a career to salvage. No time for a personal investigation. He attempted to digress. “What did I miss?” Levi asked. “At work?” He noted Petra’s very disconcerting expression, a combination of pity and uncertainty. It was starting to get annoying.
Petra furrowed her brows, a little more hesitant to speak that time. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about...”
In protest, Levi put the bread down and stared at Petra, his stone cold expression unwavering. He wouldn’t be eating unless Petra continued. He wasn’t hungry anyway.
A few minutes of silence later and it seemed to work. Petra looked down at the bread then up at him. Whatever was plaguing her mind then had taken some control over her. “A lot has changed since the accident,” she started.
“With work?” Levi asked again. He dropped the bread on the plate, deliberately allowing the clatter, as if the loud jarring sound would be enough to drive away the disbelief. Three weeks or fifteen business days wasn’t supposed to be a long time taking into account the speed of office bureaucracy.
Petra nodded, a wry smile on her face. Her expression, her demeanor gave the uncertainty away before she spoke of it. “You’re probably going to have to talk to Mr. Zackley about it…”
Levi’s mind was racing. Despite the throbbing, Levi had managed to fill in the blanks for himself. Even before Petra expounded on it, Levi had started to accept already, going back to work was probably not going to be such an easy ride.
Being gone for weeks had done a number to his job.
Three weeks to be exact. It was just three weeks, fifteen business days. Despite Petra’s apparent discomfort, her incessant warnings not to ‘expect,’ Levi had expected some semblance of normalcy. When his hopes were dashed, Levi felt like he had been body slammed out of nowhere by an oncoming train.
“I’ve been working on their set for years…Since the pilot episode, ” Levi said slowly. Hell, since even before the pilot episode if you consider the preproduction stage. He didn’t want it to seem at all like it was an argument and he subdued his tone to something lighter, with the intention of reminding himself not to talk back at authority.
“And we’ve transferred you,” General Manager Darius Zackley said matter-of-factly. “Underground City has been garnering a lot of attention lately and we couldn’t afford to be undermanned at such a crucial point of production.”
“But was it necessary to transfer me?”
Mr. Zackley’s expression softened. He didn't have a natural expression that demanded authority but he made up for it with reason. “It’s a primetime show,” he explained. “One of our best, and given the uncertainty regarding your accident…” For some reason, he had hesitated at that word. “We couldn’t take a gamble. We had you immediately replaced after the first week.”
“And?” At face value, the new developments were starting to seem terribly, terribly disappointing. “I can still work there.” Levi was perfectly aware of where the conversation was going. Still, it didn’t hurt to try.
Mr. Zackley was surprisingly patient. “It’s not an issue of you not fitting in. But we want to properly and more efficiently distribute our labor. The production of Underground City is currently…” He cleared his throat. “Oversaturated.”
Oversaturated with budget, resources. Underground City was a crime and mystery drama, one of their more high budget productions. Levi wasn’t too surprised at that piece of information, having worked closely with the producers and the writers since the pilot.
With a boss a few reporting levels above his own though, Levi couldn’t do much but listen quietly. Disappointment and uncertainty loomed over him and he was tiring more quickly.
“We’ve made some arrangements, set you up with a new role.” Mr. Zackley was taking his sweet time, his painfully sweet time.
At the butt end of Mr. Zackley’s whims, Levi was a mess. He racked his brain for all possible outcomes of the ‘arrangements’, a painful process, hampered by the weight of too many possibilities. They were a medium sized network that produced most of their own TV shows on top of news coverage and documentaries, still too many for Levi to have cared enough about to count.
At that moment, he was determined to make up for lost time. Naturally, his mind first flew to the more well known productions, those that had been receiving the best ratings in prime time TV since he had started working there.
Underground City. Military Police.
Working at the set of the crime drama ‘Underground City’ had been a good run for Levi, one he would have liked to continue but Mr. Zackley said so himself, they replaced him. ‘Military Police,’ one of their more popular historical war dramas, also received one of the bigger chunks of their budget. With Zackley’s very sullen expression, it looked like he wasn’t at all there to give Levi a promotion.
He didn’t really mind not working on the ‘Military Police’ set anyway. Everyone there seemed like a lazy prick and that long running drama had always seemed overrated to him. What else would be waiting for him though? “To where?” Levi pressed.
The old man hummed for a second, leaned forward on his seat. “I talked to Erwin about this and we have an opening in one of our daytime shows.”
“Erwin?” Levi repeated. The name was more than just familiar and he allowed himself a brief moment to recall. Erwin Smith. One of the more prominent in-house directors. Just digging deep into his mind, riling up whatever was causing the headache in the first place. He sat still and waited for it to subside again.
Then he wondered if it had been physical or just an emotional reaction to the mess he found himself in. He was barely recovering, he was plunged into a new position and he was confused, utterly confused.
“Consider it a temporary position until something else opens up,” Mr. Zackley added. “Given that you just got back from the hospital, it would be better if you started small.” He shot Levi a placating look. “Either way, this is a good opportunity for you, Ackerman…” It didn’t seem so genuine. “To ease you back into the hustle and bustle of working in TV production.”
Zackley spoke for an eternity longer after that but it had done nothing to make the transfer any better.
Levi had been working with that same hustle and bustle for years and he was confident, a three week break at the height of production wouldn’t have been enough to throw him--- hell, most people off completely.
But he was being treated like some invalid. Zackley’s warm words yet his uninviting demeanor sent some alarm bells ringing inside Levi.Mr. Zackley was overly consoling, overly placating and Levi’s mind was racing.
Levi took a deep breath and dropped his shoulders, willing himself to relax and focus on the present. Whatever the catch was, he’d find out soon anyway.
To ease you back into the hustle and bustle of working in TV production.
What a magnificent fucking lie.
“Start small my ass.” With the stress just piling up and his body barely catching up, Levi was tempted to let it out as anything louder, accompanying it with the very dramatic motion of dropping the paper work on the floor and relishing the loud thud. He imagined scattering the pages on the table, spilling them onto the floor and maybe kicking them out onto some curb.
Then he brushed off that mental image completely.
That would only create an unnecessary mess, maybe even cause a scene in that small cafe. Although his life seemed like it was complete chaos, his fastidious side wouldn’t have allowed him to make it any more worse. Then and there, he deemed it the best option to just take a sip of his tea, allow it to warm him up slowly and create a comfortable distraction, somewhere convenient.
A minute or so later, Levi accepted, tea didn’t do too good of a job. After all, what could tea do, aside from supporting him through the long and painful two days of ‘adjustment’ and the journey to the very frustrating conclusion that the general manager of the studio, Mr. Zackley was too out of touch with the struggles of the average worker.
“Just for long enough to get back to the hustle and bustle of TV production? What a fucking liar,” Levi muttered again. He dropped the tea cup on the saucer with a clank.
“Well, technically you are starting small,” Petra said. “They don’t expect too much quality wise from a soap opera on a day time slot.” She flipped through the pages of scripts and the storyboards that formed an overwhelmingly thick pile of papers on the coffee table.
It wasn’t too thick. Levi stared for a while longer and he decided it was a manageable pile of documents. The soft copies on his laptop were also of a countable number.
The deadline to be completely functional in two days though wasn’t as reasonable.
In search of some semblance of a break, Levi shifted his gaze towards Petra.
Her familiar presence had made the job change bearable. A half hearted response with her attention mostly channelled towards the piles of scripts had still been enough to have Levi more at home in the middle of the coffee shop in the late afternoon. “You didn’t even need to transfer,” Levi said. The indignance and the bitterness of a while ago seemed to be mellowing into something almost sweet.
Petra turned a beet red and she put her hands up in defense. “No no… I wanted to. Besides, this type of set is always in need of more people.”
Levi raised one eyebrow in response. Soap opera sets? Or maybe just daytime soap operas in general. Or maybe just that particular soap opera set. He turned back to the pile of papers on the table then back to his laptop.
The pile of papers on the table was the script for that month alone. The folders in the USB were eight seasons worth of soap opera scripts and episodes. Levi was once again reminded why such a project could have been so undersaturated.
Scratch that, he had never forgotten and he didn’t think he would ever forget anyway.
The script for just that month was much larger than the piles Levi worked with at his previous production. By the second day, he was starting to conclude, working with daytime soap operas was turning out to be a grind, a seemingly thankless grind.
Soap operas ran with the expectation of producing five episodes a week with a shoestring budget. The pressing deadlines and just the amount of content that had to be produced meant vacations and holidays were few and far in between for the average employee. And the unreasonable demands usually meant that quality would naturally suffer.
Since he started assimilating into his job, he also started to wonder. What audience were they even producing soaps for in that day and age?
“Do you think you’ll even enjoy this?” Levi challenged.
“It’s too early to tell,” Petra said.
Levi didn’t want to admit it then, but he was convinced that she would even find a way to enjoy it. The question should have been for him. He was the one who could barely even get past the first page of the script.
Petra flashed him a knowing smile, flipping the pages a little faster. She wasn’t reading them and all attention was on Levi.
Her face could have been asking questions. Or Levi could have been projecting. He repeated the question to himself. What now? More specifically, what was he supposed to do?
Then he answered it. Get used to it? Or maybe just accept it as a job. The grind would eventually get less painful he was sure. But would he ever see the beauty in it?
Levi had never taken the time to watch that particular soap opera but he had seen too many in passing to know what he would be working with.
The stories didn’t make fucking sense. The sets were cheaply made. The lights, the cameras and the resources for special effects were far from what he was given when he was still working with the twenty-one-episodes-a-season, one-season-a-year ‘Underground City.”
According to Erwin, they just didn’t have the budget. Besides, the average viewer didn’t expect much else anyway from a soap opera.
Either way, he was still hired as the cinematographer. This is still your job. Levi took a deep breath then exhaled with a soft huff. First things first, he had to familiarize himself with ten to fifty episodes worth of scripts. That night, he would be watching the blocking, the lighting, the editing, the overall production.
That was the job of the fucking cinematographer anyway. Erwin had warned him though, they were severely undermanned in all facets of production, pre production, production proper and post production. And for shows that aired multiple times a week, that meant, the grind wouldn't end.
So he wouldn’t just be the cinematographer.
At the impending workload that followed his orientation phase, Levi closed his eyes tight. For a second there, his mind flew to other opportunities and just the process of editing his CV and applying elsewhere.
Maybe in a year he would reapply, or maybe even in months.
He wondered if Petra was thinking the same thing. If she were, she didn’t make it obvious. Petra enjoyed the production process just as much as he did and she had been the reason he had found a job there in the first place.
“Welcome back to the working world.” Petra chuckled.
Levi blinked back the surprise in his eyes as he was once again pulled back to reality. Admittedly, he was overwhelmed. The weak throbbing returned and after spending too many hours insisting to Petra that he was ready to go back to work, he didn’t think it right to take a break.
He sipped his tea and deemed that a quick break.
“God I miss our tea times,” Petra said, looking pointedly at Levi's tea caup. She flipped the script over and pulled her teacup towards her.
Levi noted the wistful expression on Petra’s face. “I was only out for a month,”
Petra shook her head. “But for a week or so, we thought you wouldn’t make it.” There was a subtle crack, not too noticeable if Levi hadn’t tensed up and watched her closely.
It was bringing up too many unwelcome emotions at once, and somewhere in the back of his mind, a haze of memories aggravated the throbbing in his head.
Levi turned back to the pile of papers. With the amount of work to do, he would never have the time to ponder what happened anyway. In an attempt at digression, he pulled the script towards him, and started to flip the pages, poring over words yet only taking in half of it.
A very boring half.
Eventually, he gave up. “Let’s go back home. We’re not getting anything done here.” He gathered the pages, and meticulously returned them to each envelope.
He was supposed to be reviewing the scripts to get some idea on how the TV show worked. They had chosen to work in the cafe to escape from the bustle of the sets and attempt some productivity. Yet, they had been in the cafe for a few hours already and he still didn’t remember what the story had been about in the first place.
Soap operas didn’t have logical plots anyway. Levi thought to himself. Maybe just accepting could make his work feel more unbearable. He watched as Petra gathered the pages on her end, stuffed them into her bag.
“Sorry, I thought you would have wanted tea. You always liked this place…” Petra was explaining herself. The not-so-eloquent way at which she did it was a distraction. In fact, everything at that point was either a distraction or even irritating. Levi took a deep breath, closed his eyes and let the throbbing take control for a second.
One step at a time. Levi slung his bag over his shoulder. “The tea was good,” he said, more for her than himself. That was a lie. In fact, the tea tasted underwhelming. Tea usually didn’t disappoint though and Levi was starting to suspect the fault was in him. “Just give me some time to get used to life again,” he added, his tone more apologetic that time.
A few seconds or even minutes of reflection later and Levi had to admit, he felt like he really had changed during that break.
Cinematography is visual storytelling. Or so, that was what he had been taught when he started working with TV shows years ago.
When there was no story he could follow, there was no essence or heart to portray. So, Levi naturally approached it like a cold hard science. The hard copies on folders lay abandoned on the coffee table. His laptop remained unopened.
Levi's attention was trained on the big screen. He had silently been sprawled on the sofa since they arrived back to his apartment hours ago. Bundled up in a sweatshirt, legs propped up on the coffee table, Levi was in that convenient trance between relaxing and analyzing.
He had no idea what the couple on the TV had been arguing about. He had no idea who had fathered the large overly tacky baby bump sticking out of the woman.
The latest episode was playing on repeat and Levi remembered two things happening in the past ten minutes. A pregnant woman entering the crappy set of their mansion, hand on her oversized belly and  man looked back at her then approached her, a look of abject horror on his face. He was shouting something, obscenities maybe?
By that point, Levi’s mind started to wander with too many other passing thoughts.
The horror at finding out the protagonist was pregnant was overly exaggerated. Were baby bumps really supposed to be that big? And why did it take them that many months to figure it out? How many pregnancies did the protagonist go through? How many love interests did she have?
Then the cinematographer and the photographer in him took over.
There were more important things to look into. The camera never moved. Levi was familiar with multi camera setups and he didn’t need to think too hard about it. Most of the scenes were filmed in the house, in the office, all conveniently made sets, the conveniently written scripts were written around the shitty budget.
And the high frame rate, in tandem with the inorganic lighting, the lack of special effects and just the lack of some careful camera movement, made the overall story and the overall view, underwhelming, not at all cinematic.
The soap opera effect.
Some wouldn’t see it. Others would probably notice it but not glaringly enough to complain. Levi had worked in film for years and when he would search for the characteristic motion blur, he would immediately find it. The culmination of a simple camera set up, a few sets, a cheap camera, and with a studio and network always in some hurry to cut the budget, the soap opera effect was very apparent.
And they would be expecting the same cooperation from him in putting together a cheaply made production. On the bright side, that meant that despite having to deal with some shitty soap opera plot that didn’t make any sense, he wouldn’t have to do too much thinking with lighting, blocking and editing. Planning sets and scenes would be a light stroll in the park at best, soul suckingly monotonous at worst.
Levi reached for the remote and started to rewind, his interest suddenly piqued.
“So what do you think happened to the baby?” Petra asked. She dropped a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table.
Levi wasn’t in any mood to eat. More importantly, he in the mood to speculate the cheap excuse for a plot. “Am I supposed to care?” He pulled his legs close to him and leaned further on the armrest of the sofa, giving Petra more than enough space to get herself comfortable.
“Well, you’re working on the set right? Better to at least know the major plot points of what you’re working with.”
“Spoil me,” Levi said.
Petra reached for the popcorn and grabbed a handful. She turned to him, a wry smile on her face. “You really don’t even wanna try to enjoy it?”
“This is a job. ”
Petra dropped her shoulders in defeat. “Well… Hanako gets kidnapped…”
“Hanako?”
“The baby…” Petra answered, looking pointedly at him. “They literally spent an episode discussing the baby’s name.” A laugh was very much evident in her voice.
And there are a hundred episodes to sift through. “I don’t have to know the baby’s name to do my job.”
“The baby will be the main character in the next season. If you have been reading the script--- Or even just following the story...” Petra put her hands out and pointed at the TV, starting to look more exasperated by the minute.
“Okay,” Levi responded firmly, not in any mood to stomach accusations. “Then I’ll learn her name when I start working. Just tell me what I need to know to do my job. ”
Petra sighed. “When we get back on air, there will be a time skip. Then the season post time skip picks up after Hanako’s first day of college. So before that she grew up with her adopted parents who found her abandoned in a box. They went through some tough times financially and in the latest pages of the script she gets a job in a coffee shop.” She turned towards the thick envelope on the table then glanced accusingly at him. “I could have sworn you were reading through that back in the cafe.”
Levi didn’t notice it. He had only half heartedly read the script. Still, he feigned a look of interest.
“Then a lot of the writers quit,” Petra continued. “So a lot of what happened hasn't been written yet.”
Levi flashed Petra a knowing look.
Petra sighed. "Apparently, people were overworked, the job didn't pay much so a lot of the crew, cinematographer, production designers, they all left which was most likely why they put you there.”
Levi only had to look back at his first day and his second day to understand the turnover rate. He had spent a little less than an hour familiarizing himself with systems that seemed to be put into place for show. Soon after that, he was bombarded with unreasonable deadlines, timelines, responsibilities outside his actual job title and a little less than two days to sift through eight seasons worth of scripts.
“And why they easily transferred me. We're really behind now.  Post production for the last few episodes should be completed this week, aired by next week.
"Then we have a hiatus at least," Levi said, repeating it with that same cold professional tone Erwin had used with him on their first day. Except he knew that was a scam too. They would be using that two week hiatus to start filing.
That reminder at least pulled Levi back into reality. He couldn’t flit mindlessly from side to side and clock it up as ‘learning the ropes’ forever. Eventually, they were going to ask him to actually know the ropes. “Erwin said something about me working with production proper and post production,” Levi mindlessly rewinded some of the scenes again. “But they can’t expect me to write the script right?”
Petra shook her head. “No, I don’t think you will,” she said. “I talked to a few of the crew. They said they were hiring a writer. A whole writing crew actually--- And you know, among them, there are rumors about a big name screenwriter.”
Levi raised one eyebrow in disbelief. “Joining the set of a daytime soap opera.”
She put her hands up in defense. “It’s just a rumor.”
“A stupid rumor. What kind of screenwriter in their right mind would want to work here?”
Petra paused for a second, deep in thought. “Fine, it might just be a rumor. Still, ask yourself, why would there be rumors circulating in the first place?"
Levi sighed. “Which screenwriter then?” he asked, mostly in an attempt to humor her. And himself. The fact that a big name screenwriter would work in soap operas, might actually make ‘soap operas’ work.
“Hange Zoe,” Petra said, a wry knowing look on her face. As if it was a name Levi was supposed to know.
“Hange Zoe?” And if he followed the same ups and downs of Petra’s tone, he could pretend it was familiar to his lips. “Hange Zoe,” he said again.
Petra nodded. “The writer of the Titan series? The final movie of `Advancing Titans’ is coming out in the fall.”
Advancing Titans. The name had seemingly come out of nowhere, especially when Levi had already run through a few possible names in his head. Hange Zoe hadn’t been one of them. Although she was a big name in the screenwriting industry for sure, the idea of Hange Zoe working with soap operas seemed almost preposterous.
“Hange Zoe…” Levi said it one more time, in surprise or in some attempt to practice saying it. “You’re seriously talking about that writer?” Levi looked to Petra for confirmation. Hange had only ever written one movie series from a completely different genre, which begged a question.“She has some experience in soap operas?”
Petra unlocked her phone, opened the browser and started typing and scrolling. “No… Just the movies…” she muttered a second later.
“Then why do you think she would suddenly want to work in a cheap ass day time soap opera?”
Petra looked back at him, a dumbfounded look in her face. “But the timing just fits too well. The final movie is about to be released. Apparently, she didn’t renew her contract with her studio. There are even rumors of her leaving the movie industry… And there were speculations and everything.”
“Retirement?” Levi suggested.
“Why retire in your thirties?” Petra said.
“Well, when you’re earning millions per script…” Levi trailed off. Thinking up an argument was too much of a tall order. He continued flipped through channels in silence and he had managed to pick out the movie ‘Advancing Titans’ by just a few seconds worth of a scene.
Speak of the devil.
But it wasn’t strange at all to come across the movies while flipping through channels. After all,  Advancing Titans had become a household name over the past few years.
A person in a green cloak was flying, killing some man eating a zombie. It was a familiar scene, Even Levi, who almost prided himself in never having watched the movies, was familiar enough with the iconic movements, the colors and the insignia on the back.
The wings of freedom. How the hell that was connected to the story, Levi never watched enough to find out. Nor was he interested. Science fiction and fantasy were just never his cup of tea.
If Levi had to guess, soap operas and crime dramas shouldn’t have been big wig screenwriter Hange Zoe’s cup of tea either, especially after dedicating years of her life into a production as complex as a science fiction, dark fantasy cinematic universe..
“Do you really think Hange Zoe can actually work with low budget soap operas?” Levi asked.
Petra shrugged and Levi wondered why he had even asked her in the first place. Of course, she wouldn’t know. Still, she spoke up. “Even if the rumors were wrong and it wasn’t Hange Zoe. The important thing is they get someone to pump out scripts right? And your job anyway is to make sure everything gets filmed.”
“I guess.” Levi kept his eyes trained on the screen. The scene shifted from a forest, to the cobblestoned streets in town. A parade of miserable soldiers entered the town within the walls. The camera focused on a father, who navigated through crowds of people, zooming in one of the shorter soldiers.
Captain, I wanted to talk to you about my daughter… She wrote me a letter… She’s too young to get married.
Something about the expression of the soldier pulled Levi in. For a moment, he was frozen on his seat, completely hypnotized.
Petra’s voice tore into his trance. “That’s one of the scenes I can never forget.”
In some desperate bout of retaliation, Levi switched the channel of the TV. “Let’s watch something else.”
“Why? You okay?” Petra asked.
“I’m fine. I’d rather watch something more productive.” Levi flipped more rapidly through channels. He was tempted to just turn off the TV and call it a night.
“There’s a lot to learn from watching that,” Petra started.
"Like what?" Levi asked, his grip on the remote was still firm.
Petra opened her mouth, then closed it again. She sighed. “It's hard to explain... but remember that scene just a while ago. The father approached the captain about his daughter… She died while fighting the titans and they had to empty the cart so they lost all the bodies..."
Levi kept his eyes glued to the screen, suddenly hyper aware that there might have been a judgemental or impatient look on his face. “Go on,” Levi said, as if that could do anything to placate the discomfort already apparent in her voice.
“I guess the point I wanted to make is…” Petra still seemed far from calm. “Hange Zoe. One of the reasons why she writes really quality works apparently is because aside from writing the script, she’s very hands on with everything from the blocking, to the screenwriting and just the overall production… Which makes the storyline and the movie so gripping. When I watch it, it feels like the movie is peering into my soul or something.”
“Peering into your soul…” It was a tacky choice of words and Levi could only repeat them with some level of disbelief.
“A lot of the novelty of Hange Zoe’s writing… The parts that make it special are those in betweens. The parts she left unwritten... if you know what I mean?"
“That’s cool,” Levi responded, only barely. He switched to their local channel, to the late night reruns of the soap opera. .
“They’re good movies. I don’t think they were overrated," Petra said, a hint of defensiveness in her tone.
"I never said they weren’t good movies."
"You don't seem to want to hear about it at all."
"I'm just not interested. Besides, I'm too busy with work." That was the right moment to feign business. Levi held his phone in front of him, opened up the browser and wrote out a few familiar keywords. The movies of the titan series were all ranging from four to five star ratings. Whether it had been commended for cinematography or writing, he had been too lazy to check the more detailed reviews.
The reviews were most likely raving, sloppily made and potentially biased and Levi didn’t want to hear another synonym for ‘peers into your soul.’
His eyes were drooping, he was exhausted. Petra seemed to be ready to leave as well. But he had some space, he needed some break. And what better way to spend it than to do a little stalking? "Petra, could you send a file of the first movie? I think I might wanna watch it."
"You can stream the older ones on demand," Petra said.
Levi only had to open the menu on his TV to see the option for streaming. Right. Watching movies was starting to feel like a chore though and he was in no mood watching that night.
He didn’t say much else after that and the night ended with greetings exchanged. Petra only lived a few floors below him and it didn’t feel any different from being alone.
Before he knew it, he was half asleep already. He gave up, turned off the TV and allowed himself to doze off. When he came to his senses again, the sun was streaming through the window, and with work starting in an hour or so, he had little to no time to even start the movie.
The set was small. The budget was miniscule. The turnover rate was high.
And for projects that wanted to disguise themselves as official and corporate, it was utter chaos. One week into his job, Levi had to admit, he was reaching too widely, and he was spread out too thin.
There was a semblance of structure within his team. Petra and Eld worked with cinematography, filming and camera management and all he had to do was make sure the blocking looked good, limit the amount of retakes needed. Gunther and Oluo worked in post production and video editing.
But structure was an illusion.
The actors hadn’t arrived yet. Other new roles hadn't been finalized. The script was still unfinished. Yet, they were under the mercy of the vision of higher ups
"We're heavily delayed,’ or so that was what Erwin had explained. ‘Feedback of the higher ups.”
There were deadlines, unreasonable deadlines for the employees, yet a reasonable wait for the average audience. They had less than a month to finish filming and post production for the first few episodes of the new season, less than a week to produce everything for the old season.
When he was in a pseudo-management role, as a cinematographer, it was automatic. When filming, he should be going down to the set. But they weren't filming yet. In fact, there were people in the set not doing anything.
In the chaos, everything didn't seem to add up. So Levi forced one memorandum, one attempt at structure. He would finish the final editing by that night and start the next day with a blank slate. Even if he needed to, he would stay until midnight to make it work.
That new writing team should be coming soon. Levi repeated to himself. Erwin had said so himself, Petra had also mentioned it excitedly over lunch.
All Levi had to do was get the episodes ready for review by the higher ups, then ready for airing then he could start that new season with a healthier approach, maybe find some way to add more structure to his already hectic job.
“Petra, don’t wait for me. I’m working overtime today.”
Petra jumped on her seat.
Levi only realized then, he had come up from right behind her. And Petra had been busy reading through something in her laptop, a quick glance confirmed, it was the unfinished script.
Levi continued. “You don’t have to wait for me.”
Petra looked back at him, a worried look in her face. She opened her mouth to speak.
“Deadlines,” Levi answered.
“You need any help? You know Oluo and Gunther, they can stay too. Or even me.”
“I can finish it myself,” Levi said. He was completely aware either way that it was his job to review everything before anyone else reviewed and before it went on air.
There was an indignant look on Petra's face. But Petra never really imposed. She nagged, doted, argued but she never imposed.
And he managed to pacify her by requesting an espresso and a cup of tea from the tea shop right in front of the studio. Beverages were frowned upon in the video editing room. Levi though was particularly meticulous, he was tired and stressed and he allowed himself some leeway.
Just today. And when they start filming the new season, during the hiatus, Levi would reopen his work with a more organized approach, more suited for his personality. He constantly reassured himself of that as he continued to edit the videos, crosschecking with storyboards and scripts.
Most of the work had been done. Most of the work had been easy to scan through. Still it was hours of sifting through retakes, reviewing and setting them up for reviews and cuts. In the silence, completely alone, He gladly gave the task the required focus, more than enough not to have noticed the sound of the door click behind him.
“This is the coffee you asked for right?” The voice wasn’t Petra’s but still it didn’t seem at all hostile. In fact, the voice seemed friendly.
Friendly enough for Levi to feel obliged to respond.”Thanks.” A new hire maybe? In the one week he had been working there, three people had already quit.
It wasn’t worth a second thought. The important thing was he got his coffee and tea. So he didn’t bother looking up, only looking with his peripherals to see the paper white of the cup just a few inches away. He reached one hand towards the cup and surprisingly, his hand didn’t grasp for paper. It went for something a little softer, something a little cooler but still warm to the touch.
And it moved. A bug? A pest? That had been Levi’s first speculation, being the paranoid clean freak he was. Before his guesses could get anymore creative he looked at the cup and saw the cup was stable on his desk. He had a grip, not on the cup itself but on the other hand which held the cup. The movements were from a hand underneath his..
A wild hand. It slipped out of his grip, and before Levi could pull away, it gripped him in return, squeezing harder on his pointer finger and his middle finger.
For just a second. A painfully awkward second.
A second of realization was all Levi needed to pull away. “May I help you?” he asked. It took a lot more willpower not to curse at that strange invasion of privacy. A second later, reason took over and Levi realized that he was the one who had gripped her first.
He had planned to grip the coffee cup, he justified himself.
“They said… You needed some coffee.” The voice was nonchalant. Yet somehow, nonchalance had managed to make his blood boil. “So I came here to drop it and say hi,” she added, as if that was the most natural response.
‘Say hi’ didn’t usually involve two hands gripping one another, then interlocking. Her hands were still gripping the tip of his fingers and for a second they were frozen.. “Are you always this touchy then?” Levi pressed. Especially with a total stranger. Levi looked up, turned his head towards the voice and confirmed it, she was definitely a familiar face but they were barely even acquaintances.
Brown hair tied up in a ponytail, glasses propped comfortably on her nose and just underneath them, warm brown eyes that had no problem just staring, studying… And in their own way, leaving Levi very very jarred by the mundane gesture called ‘eye contact.’
“I was hoping to talk for a bit,” she said. “If you’re not too busy, we can---”
“I’m busy right now,” Levi said. He pulled the coffee closer to him, suddenly careful when awareness dawned on him abruptly. Suddenly, he was completely aware that the coffee cup was only a few inches away from the computer. “Can this wait?”
Those brown eyes were suddenly wider, a hint of surprise. Then they narrowed at him and Levi felt some pity blanket his already sluggish and aimless movements. Before he knew it, he was very very unproductive.
He had to do something. “My name is Levi by the way.” He was deliberately gentler that time and usually lowering his voice and slowing down did some magic to make him seem kinder than he usually seemed to new people. Or so, that had been what Petra had advised multiple times before.
Levi looked up, forced a subtle smile, a combination between a tightlipped line and crinkles at the edge of his mouth. The most he could manage for a courteous introduction.
Her reaction was unexpected to say the least. He noticed her eyes first, the way they widened. Her jaw dropped. She closed it again, a subtle twitch in her lip.
Did I say something wrong? Levi thought to himself. He looked back at the computer screen. “Levi… Levi Ackerman,” he added. Would that help ease the tension of the room?
Even when Levi started to make a game for himself, playing video edits again and again, he realized he was more focused on pretending to concentrate than in actually polishing the transitions between scenes.
Hange eventually spoke up. “Hello Levi. Nice to meet you.” Her voice was softer in that last sentence.
“Nice to meet you too.” That had been surprisingly difficult to say. He sensed the discomfort in her voice, and maybe he had unknowingly mirrored it.
“My name is Hange Zoe. I’m going to be working as a screenwriter here…”
Oh. Oh. So that’s Hange Zoe. For someone who spearheaded blockbuster hits, who had people talking like crazy over rumors, it turned out she was a very underwhelming presence.
“I’m the cinematographer here,” Levi said. Technically, that was his job title but at that point, he was doing everything. “So I guess we’re going to be working together a lot.”
“We will,” Hange responded. Her presence was underwhelming. So underwhelming that Levi felt no need to even be excited that they had a prodigy screenwriter in their midst. Her voice was soft when she spoke to him. Her eyes were some mix of disappointment, nervousness, uncertainty.
Levi suspected it was her demeanor, her approach towards him that had caused such tension to settle in such a tiny room. “Thank you for coffee,” Levi said. Any nice gesture seemed like a worthwhile attempt to ease it.
A wide smile played at Hange’s lips, still far from what Levi would have considered confident though. “Happy to help.”
That’s the award winning screenwriter? “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”
“I’m going to be working on a few scripts tonight, have Erwin look at them in a day or so,” she said. Her voice had shifted to something more professional, and her meekness was starting to feel more like a misinterpretation on Levi's end..
“Looking forward to them,” Levi said.
The door slammed behind him, a little louder than the click that followed. The room was dim, it was almost distracting. When Levi turned towards the lights, he considered turning it on, to save himself the discomfort of sore eyes.
He turned his chair, put enough wait into one leg only to notice the sluggishness, the numbness underneath. His legs were jelly. Her hands were trembling and his breaths weren’t coming out in predictable bouts. He turned back to the computer and prepared to review what he had already edited.
The video was playing and Levi was convincing himself that he was productive.
Halfway through the episode, or even a quarter through the episode (Levi wasn’t counting), his mind had wandered. When his surroundings just became a little too overwhelming, Levi let loose just a little bit. He let the heaviness in his chest and the stiffness of his limbs speak for him then.
That voice of a while ago, Hange Zoe’s voice. That voice was nostalgic, heart wrenchingly nostalgic.
33 notes · View notes
breakfaststuffs · 3 years
Text
Fluctuations
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Pairing: Bucky x Reader!Powers
Warnings: Language
A/N: I blame @angrythingstarlight for inspiring me to start this...thing. I don’t know what it is but I have done it. Lurker turned whatever.
Please, do not copy, translate, rewrite or post my work even if you credit me.
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“Fuck,” you hissed as you scrambled up the 6th flight of stairs in a desperate bid to outrun your pursuers. As soon as your eyes had landed on that tell-tale skull and tentacle laden logo, you just knew that things would go sideways.
Even as your calves burned and begged for a rest, you hauled yourself up the last set of stairs and spilled out onto the roof with a gasp of exhaustion and you made a wobbly dash over to the fire escape. Making one last adjustment to the straps of your backpack, you felt reassured that the weight of the stolen goods were still nestled between your shoulders and reached for the ladder.
“You should probably just hand it over, you know,” a voice stated simply from above and, in all of his winged-glory, Captain America landed softly on the rooftop a few feet behind you. Another half-second later, the person you had been hauling ass from silently appeared to the left of Sam Wilson and you felt frozen to the spot as his sharp blue eyes trained in on your face.
A bead of sweat trickled down your neck and you just knew that the wig you had worked so hard to affix on top of your hair was now very obvious and askew. You let out a breath you did not know you had been holding and let the reality of your situation settle over your shoulders.
Grasping the straps a little tighter to summon up your courage, you took a few unsteady steps to the side to be clear of the fire escape and then turned to dive off the roof. You heard a rush of raised voices behind you and a shuffle of movement before the world turned into a dark blur rushing up to meet you.
“Fuck!” you yelp as you dropped.
----------
Life has never been easy for you and, after coming back from the blip, it had gotten insurmountably worse.
Before the blip, you had managed to find security in your work and in your own personal life. The design firm you worked at was lobbing more work for high priority clients your way and there were signs that your boyfriend was close to proposing. You wished that you could share your accomplishments with your parents, but the fates had decided to remove them from the equation 3 years earlier in a sudden clash of metal and rubber that had permanently left a part of your heart hollow and numb.
The moment your life shattered for a second time was right after you had completed your usual circuit run around the neighborhood to help burn off some of the extra energy that had built up with the excitement of your sister finally visiting you in the city. Your sister was an hour out from touchdown and as you chatted over the phone with your boyfriend about dinner plans for the evening a sudden shock of cold settled low in your belly. Whatever words were on your tongue faded and drifted into nothingness.
The next thing you knew was you were standing in the same spot on the sidewalk with a gasp and were immediately bowled over by a jogger who seemed just as shocked as you were. From there, the disorientation only grew as the ripples of the repercussions of having the returned trying to find normalcy in a world that had moved on grew into tidal waves.
It was bad enough that your apartment and belongings were lost, your boyfriend had married someone else and the company you were working for had since dissolved. The true horror came when you realized that your sister had been flying 30,000 feet above the ground the moment of the blip. You had screamed until your throat was raw and the tears had gone dry as you realized your world had ended.
Thanks to government assistance, you had a roof over your head, but you were adrift in your loss and felt directionless for the first couple of months after your return. It wasn’t until you had saddled up at a bar that was one of your father’s favorite drinking spots did a sliver of hope crept back into your life. 
As you took another long pull from your glass, a gentle weight landed on your shoulder and the barstool next to you was quickly occupied by a sharp-dressed man with a disarmingly soft smile.
“Hey, [Y/N]. Did not expect to see you here,” the stranger said with a chuckle as he raised his hand to flag down the bartender. 
“Oh, didn’t really expect me to be here, either. But, sorry, do I know you…?”, you questioned with a thread of wariness stitched in your words. It also didn’t help matters that single touch on the shoulder was the first human contact you’d had in weeks. Deep down, you felt another layer of despair settle in the back of your mind.
“Ah, sorry about that. You see, I knew your old man and he was never shy about showing off how proud he was of his daughters. But, [Y/N], he really did go on about how special you were.”
You couldn’t keep the watery smile from your lips as you extended out your hand to his for a shake. “Well, glad to make your acquaintance…,” you left the word hanging as his hand grasped your hand firmly in his.
“Michael,” he said with a chuckle as he gave the bartender a quick nod as a glass of whiskey slid his way, “Nice to be finally meeting you.” He dropped your hand and snatched up the glass to raise it up into the air in front of him. “Here’s to your father,” he spoke as he took a gulp of the amber liquid.
“Yeah, to my dad...and all those we’ve lost,” you toast and raised your own glass to your lips.
“So, since you’re here drinking at 2 o’clock on a Tuesday, I am guessing that things aren’t going that well for you,” Michael pointed out with a sympathetic smile. Looking around the bar, it was clear that the majority of the current patrons were either in the middle of drinking their sorrows away or well-past an attempt at redeeming themselves. You had to wonder where you landed on that depressing spectrum.
“That obvious, huh?”, you sighed as you took another sip of your drink. “Everything that I worked for is gone and I don’t know how to even remotely get back on track. Just trying to get out of bed with a plan makes my head spin most days.”
“Well maybe I can help you start on a new path, [Y/N]. You see, your father sure could put away his drink and he had a hard time keeping his mouth shut when he got too two sheets to the wind. Now, he sometimes did a few odd jobs here and there for me and my associates over the years and it was bound to happen that he would start talking about you…” his eyes slid over to lock onto yours as he gulped down the content of his glass and, without breaking eye contact, threw the bartender another sign for a refill.
You had been in the middle of taking a sip of your beer when he dropped his insinuating remark and you suddenly found yourself wide-eyed and choking on your beverage. You heard him give a chuckle as you desperately tried to recover from the surprise and you shot a glare in his direction.
“Oh, don’t give me that. I’m offering you a job opportunity that will land you enough money to build whatever future you want. I just wanted to let you know that your special skills make you a very appealing candidate.”, he said as he leaned over and gave you a few encouraging pats on the back.
Of course, the one person in her life that had ever discovered her abilities and swore to secrecy would have spilled the beans. She had fought so hard to hide that she was different and it wasn’t until her father had burst back in exclaiming he’d left the keys on the kitchen counter and found her lifting the couch easily with one had to pick up the remote at 16 did the secret get out. Once he had stopped gaping like a fish at her, the onslaught of questions and a never-ending stream of curiosity continuously poured down for years.
“How much did he say?,” you murmured bitterly.
“Enough to know that you can get the job done. Now, you weren’t the only one to take a few losses after coming back. Turns out a few of our properties fell out of our control while most of the family was gone. Word is that one of our old buildings downtown was hiding a bit of a secret in the basement that had managed to stay undiscovered until someone else started renovating our property.” Michael’s voice took on a bit of a hard edge as he wrapped up the last sentence.
“Seems like they are having a hard time getting inside, but we want to know what’s inside and for you to get anything valuable out for us. And that, my dear, is where you would come in.”
“Wait, why exactly do you need me? What is it that is stopping you from just walking in and taking it?”, you ask with words laced with suspicion.
“Your father always said you were clever.”, he smirked as he gave you a small toast in acknowledgement. “For whatever reason, we think the government might be interested in what is rightfully ours. Just in case they send in a more specialized cavalry, we figure it would be safest to send in one of our own.”
“Less collateral damage, yeah?”, you scoff as you finished off your pint.
“Exactly, [Y/N]. I knew you’d be smart enough to catch on. So, want to know how much you stand to make?”, he said with a knowing grin.
You took in a deep breath, set your empty glass on the bar and swiped a hand across your face in resignation. “Sure. What do I have to lose?”
“Nothing at all, kid. Nothing at all.”
----------
You let yourself free fall for a split second before you let your body’s density shift. You suddenly dropped down to the ground and, right before you would leave a crater in the pavement below, you made yourself as light as a feather. You almost landed daintily on one toe before you bolted towards an alley to your right. You were well aware that Captain America would almost immediately be airborne, but you were so close to a very noisy, pedestrian choked city thoroughfare two blocks over. 
Making sure you were light enough on your feet to gain a substantial amount of speed, you didn’t bother looking up or back as you booked it into the busy city street. Once in the throngs of people, you jerked off the wig you were wearing and shook out your hair with a grateful sigh. You unzipped your jacket to wrap it around your waist and then shifted the backpack to sit on the front of your chest. You hoped that it would be enough as you did your damnedest to nonchalantly make your way to the drop-off spot.
You kept waiting for the hammer (well, more like shield) to drop as you walked, but as time wore on nothing happened. By the time that you stepped in though the heavy double doors of a rather upscale restaurant and were led off to a separate dining room, you were almost in shock at how you had managed to get away with it. 
“Ah, [Y/N], our hero returns!” Michael proclaimed proudly as he stood up when you entered the room. He offered to take the backpack from you and wrapped his arm around you as he corralled you over to a table near the back window. Two more men were seated at the table and their auras were far-less boisterous than the man who gave your shoulders a warm squeeze before setting you down at the head of the table.
As he opened up your backpack and spread out the haul across the table, Michael gave a sharp whistle and the dour mood shared between the other men quickly dissipated. “Now these look rather impressive. Who would have known we were sitting on top of a secret stash of Hydra weapons all these years? I know this can’t be all of it. How much did you leave behind?”
You shrugged and you gave a gentle shake of your head at the question. “There wasn’t too much left, but there were at least two boxes I didn’t get a chance to go through before I heard someone coming. I was able to start running before they had a chance to realize I had broken the door down in the first place…” 
“Well, job well done. My associates and I are pleased with your work.” He flashed you a smile before reaching down into a briefcase to grab a couple of stacks of hundred dollar bills that he stuffed into your backpack. He walked over and dropped the backpack into your lap before placing his hands on your shoulders. “Let’s have a drink to [Y/N]’s success tonight and to our continued relationship.”
He gave your shoulders a tighter squeeze that was borderline painful as he spoke. You knew that you might be way in over your head, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. This was something different and it felt better than drowning in failure.
----------
The next day you found yourself actually happy to get out of bed. You damn near whistled as you brewed up a cup of coffee for yourself and you bothered to even clean yourself up for a change. When your eyes fell upon the backpack that sat upon your plywood table and you couldn’t help the wide grin that spread across your lips. Things were finally looking up.
Taking stock at your lack of food in your apartment, you decided to grab a few of the bills out of the backpack and to head down to the local corner store that always had some amazing fresh produce out on display. With your stomach growling at the thought of food, you tucked the money into your back jean pocket and sauntered out the door.
You gave a quick wave to the owner as you grabbed a basket and started to peruse over in the direction of the fresh fruit. Spotting some jazz apples that were catching the morning light and your attention, you slid over to reach out and grab a few when your hand ended up grabbing at leather instead of an apple.
You blinked owlishly before jerking your head up to see who had blocked you from your potential breakfast. Any words you had died in your throat as your heart felt like it was seizing in your chest. A pair of steely blue eyes met yours and the expression in those orbs went from surprise then quickly morphed into something far more accusatory.
With your brain suddenly working overdrive and any rational thought flying out the window, you let out the breath you had been holding shakingly and brilliantly said the first thing that came to you.
“So, uh, come here often?”
Those eyes narrowed just a fraction more and you knew you were doomed.
----------
So, should I continue this or nah? This is my first...so please be gentle.
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pineconesarecrunchy · 3 years
Text
Pillow
Edelgard x F!Bylteh
(Byleth tries to help Edelgard sleep better at night, but things take a turn.)
Note: This is post time skip, minor spoilers for that!
...
Another day goes by means another busy day full of planning. Ever since your return, Edelgard has been excited to catch you up with everything, but being an empress has its own demanding duties. Edelgard has matured so much since your first encounter. Seeing her directing and giving orders makes you feel her power just by standing near her and being in her presence alone. Her stern and serious attitude remains as she keeps up a strong front defending her ideologies and carrying out missions in order to fulfill her end term goal. Her determination is astonishing and the front that she puts up has not changed at all over the five years. Two things haven't changed within those years, her soft spot for you and her persistent nightmares...
Edelgard's nightmares have gotten progressively worse since the last time you had discussed the sensitive topic with her before the five years of your absence. You notice recently that with each passing day that it has begun to take a toll on her. You wonder if proposing to stay by her side as she sleeps will help ease her fears.
It's a dark now, almost around midnight, and there are not many people roaming the monastery at this time except for you. You walk up to Edelgard's room door and give it a soft knock.
"El..." Only silence replies. She usually is awake at this hour, what could she possibly be doing? You slightly push the door open to see the room is...empty? You begin to give yourself to a self guided tour of her room. Her bed is neatly made but sitting atop of the duvet is an armored bear stuffed teddy you gave her when you first began your days at the monastery. She kept it. That thought brings a smile to your face as you walk over to her windowsill aligned with badges and medals. To the right of it is her desk, sitting on it are a stack or various papers. The one on top is a drawing of someone who looks...awfully familiar. It's not something Ignatz could conjure that is for sure, but is certainly a portrait of you. You open the desk drawer to see an uncovered box of hair pins and ribbons that she used to wear back in the day. You take one of the ribbons and bring it to your nose. It smells just like her and feels as if she's in the room.
"Professor?" You drop the ribbon and slam the drawer close almost immediately.
"E-Edelgard! You...startled me." You mumble as you examine the figure standing in the door frame. Edelgard looks disheveled and sweaty. Her white hair is up in a messy bun, but some strands have fallen and cling tightly to her face. Her nightgown clings to her damp chest and you realize how sheer her gown is and look away abruptly. "Sorry for intruding."
"Snooping are we. I never took you for a peeping-Tom, Professor."
"Byleth."
"...Byleth." She takes a step inside. "Is there something you need from me? It's awfully late."
"I just wanted to see how you were."
"Why?" She asks carefully, sounding like she already knows what you are eluding to.
"The past few days you have seemed more distracted and disorientated than usual, and I think your nightmares are the culprit. Your current state right now—"
"I am... I am not in the best appearance right now to be disagreeing with you." She says nervously. "I guess there is no use in hiding it from you. It's like you can almost read my mind." She chuckles.
"Perhaps I can."
"Then what am I thinking right now?" She seems like she genuinely wants you to guess. Her expression is curious, her thin eyebrows raised with a small smirk.
"Edelgard, you are avoiding the topic at hand. Please tell me what is troubling your dreams."
"Okay." She sighs and walks over to her bed and sits on it. she pats the empty space next to her beckoning you to join her. You walk over to her side and once you sit down she rests her hear on your shoulder. She entangles her arm with yours and grasps your hand. Your shoulder begins to feel hot form her extremely warm body. Edelgard's sweat seeps into your shoulder making your arm feel slightly damp, but you do not mind. You are fulfilling your promise you made to her all those years ago.
To be there by her side.
"My nightmares have been getting progressively worse."
"What do you think is the cause of them? Is it the next upcoming battle?"
"Yes. I...My dreams are vivid. The next battle I, I am a bit worried."
"You will be victorious; I am sure."
"That is not of my concern."
"Is it the enemy?"
"That is what I am worried about."
"Do you know who is the main target?"
"I have to fight family."
"Oh..."
"Yes."
"Dimitri?"
"Yes."
"You dream fearing fighting him?"
"I dream of being the cause to his demise. I dream of him being the cause of my demise." She squeezes your hand even harder. "I even have moments where I envision both of us living our final seconds looking into the eyes of someone we had loved and grown up with. I wish I did not have to fight him."
"You will cross that bridge when we get there."
"But, that bridge is soon."
"That battle isn't soon, it's not until about three moons or so away!"
"That is very soon for me. I — I cannot, I know it is business matters and it is inevitable, but I am so scared, Byleth. Being the reason of suffering to the one you care deeply for... It is unfair! It is so unfair!" She turns away to choke in her sobs. "Why did we have to be on opposite sides. If he had come to his senses, I wouldn't have to fight him, why is this so dastardly unfair!" She throws herself into your chest and cries, grasping onto your arms.
Edelgard's breathing is staggered and heavy. She shudders and trembles with every inhale and exhale. You can only imagine this is how she has been for every battle she has fought in the five years without your presence. You rub her back with one hand and pat the back of her head with the other. With every second passing, the clothes around your chest gets wetter with her tears. Suddenly she pushes you away and stands up.
"I should not be doing this." She says sniffling and rubbing the tear crust from her eyes and cheeks. "This, is unprofessional."
"No it is not."
"I, Edelgard von Hresvelg, Emperor, should not be crying over something so trivial as to fighting an enemy—" She sounds like she is getting upset with herself for being vulnerable. She shouldn't be.
"I would be upset too if I was in your place about to fight my brother."
"I am not upset!"
"You are being open about your worries to me, there is nothing trivial about that."
"This is so embarrassing." She groans.
"Being worried is nothing to be embarrassed or humiliated about, it is human nature."
"It is not what an emperor should do. I have to set an example and be fearless and—Why did you even come here?"
"Edelgard, I love you."
"What?"
"I love you and care about you."
"So you come here to listen to my anxieties and then confess your love to me when I am the most vulnerable—"
"I love and care for all of the people here. I simply noticed you were acting different and came to see if I could help in anyway and even stay by your side as you sleep for comfort. But, my intentions are clearly being mistaken and so I will see myself out." You head for the door. "Goodnight, Lady Hresvelg."
"Wait!" You stop midway in the door frame.
"What?" "I will take up your proposition."
"Excuse me?"
"To sleep by my side... It sounds...nice.... Hold on, come here." You turn around to see her pull out a stool from underneath her dresser. "Let me change out of this gown first." You go and sit on the stool. Edelgard goes over to her wardrobe and starts rummaging through.
"Should I turn around?" you inquire.
"Why? We have seen each other in the bathhouse before."
"Have we?" You cannot recall ever seeing Edelgard in the bathhouse before. You tend to go late at night of early in the mornings where there are no occupants. Has Edelgard seen you before, but not approached you? Edelgard...who would've thought you were one to act like that... "What were you doing this late at night?"
"I had woken up after imagining Dimitri's blood staining my gloves and axe handle; so I went for a walk."
"A fast walk I presume? You were sweating quite a lot."
"It was more of a ...run."
"Where to?"
"Just around the monastery, the bridge outside the cathedral looks stunning this time. What were you doing?"
"Looking for you."
"...Oh...What about before then?"
"I was scurrying around doing minor quests for people. Gardening, collecting items for people, returning lost items; the usual stuff."
"How helpful." You hear a final snap of her gown. "You may turn around now." The new night gown she wears is cream colored and reflects her pale skin. It is just as sheer... no even more sheer and see through than her first gown. Her messy bun is redone and her gaze rests upon her bed. She walks over to it and plops down. Propping her left arm up to rest her head upon and look at you.
"Are you going to watch me as you sleep?" You inquire.
"No." She mumbles and turns to lay on her back, starring at her ceiling.
You sit in silence for a bit. "Would you like me to blow out the candles?" You inquire.
"Yes, please." You walk around the room blowing out the candles around the room before returning back to the stool. The moonlight is now the only source of light in the room and it shines brightly through the large windows. A few more minutes past.
Then a few more.
Edelgard's face leaves a blank soft emotionless expression. Her skin looks so soft, if you were to touch it, it would probably be so smooth and smell of fresh carnations, her favorite flower. Edelgard groans.
"Is there something the matter?" You ask.
"Could you..." She pauses. The silence is deafening. "Could you get in with me?"
"Sleep with you?"
"...Yes. If it's not too much trouble." Why would it be too much trouble? That is the main reason you came here.
"But, I'm still in my outing clothes."
"It does not matter, you can borrow one of my night gowns if you so please." You hesitate. Accepting would be completely out of line for the Emperor and you as her aid. If anything it would feel awkward because a few hours ago she was yelling at you for misunderstanding your intentions. You really should not accept.
"Sure." To your reply, Edelgard quickly gets out of bed and rummages through her wardrobe again.
"This would look nice on you." She says holding up a royal blue nightgown. Royal blue is a pricey color of clothing. "Don't think about the color's wealth. Just try it on."
"It's like you're reading my mind, Lady Edelgard."
"Oh how the tables have turned and please, it's El."
"Thank you, El." you say and she smiles. You take the gown out of her hands. The two of you stand awkwardly there.
"I should... I will be waiting in bed."
"Okay."
"You can change here." She gestures to the unfolded room divider next to her wardrobe. You did not even notice its presence the first time. Maybe that's where she had changed when you were looking away.
You stand behind it and change while hearing her rustle the sheets and return to bed. You feel as if her eyes are scanning you through the paper frames in the divider, but how could you tell except for only the feeling of it. She could be watching but she could not...just like at the bathhouse. When you finish Edelgard is laying in bed facing away from you, you clear your throat to let her know you're done. She turns around.
"Byleth, it looks stunning on you."
"Thank you. Um, where should I put my clothes?"
"In the drawer next to the wardrobe, second drawer." You open the second drawer and place your neatly folded outing clothes in the empty space next to Edelgard's. The clothes there are of a deep crimson, each are neatly folded. You see a divider between the clothes and a small rectangular box. Glancing over your shoulder to see Edelgard isn't looking, you peek in the box. Then immediately close it once you see a glimpse of the assortment of lace—
"Is there an empty space there?" she asks groggily.
"Yes! Yes, I, I am coming." You say closing the drawer and joining Edelgard in bed.
You lay on your backside looking at the ceiling while her back is towards you. You were right, she does smell of carnations. She turns to face you and you cannot help but glance at her for a moment before looking away again. You feel her slender arm wrap around your waist and another one of her arms wrap around yours; pulling you closer to her. She places her head on your chest like it's a pillow. You can feel her breathe more slower than before now that she's calm. This feels nice.
What are you thinking? How this moment makes you feel is irrelevant. You are here to support Edelgard and help ease her nightmares. Only that and —She begins to softly snore.
How adorable...
...
The next few days Edelgard has been asking you to join her in her slumber to help ease her nightmares. This time you bring your own nightgown, but she insists you should wear one of hers as a thanks. You never give in though. She let you save the blue nightgown from your first night with her, but you never wear it. You keep it hung up in the front of your wardrobe as it smells of her carnation scent. Edelgard seems that she has returned to her diligent self. Working hard and focussed on the tasks at hand. You have not spoken about if her nightmares have changed. Sometimes she would start to sweat in the middle of the night and her breathing would increase rapidly. You would just hold her and tell her everything is alright and you're here for her until Edelgard ceases and calms down. She never uses the pillows in her room anymore, just your chest is a good enough pillow for her.
You can't help but wonder if the frequency of her nightmares are the same or if she's using that as an excuse to spend time with you...
Each passing day spent with Edelgard is a day closer to the reality of her nightmares...
...
SO I — Accidentally deleted the first half so it may not be as descriptive and well done as the rest because I was re writing it and not writing on the spur of the moment. But AAA my first Edelgard/Byleth fic! May/may not make this into a series lol who knows.
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