#it's like- 12 pm and i still havent had coffee

[thesilentcrisis]

jumping on the euclydian oc train w/ @fishymom-art. I feel like Connor wouldn't like math much tho. I SPELT IT WRONG OH MY GO-

[romanticisingashislife]

20 hr grind cuz i hate myself

so its 21/12/24, 05:18 am and i wanna kms BUT BUT BUT i still havent taked an art class in Italy so cant so what i did instead?

CHALLENGED MYSELF TO STUDY 20Hrs now the funny thing is even 8 hrs study is big for me but 20hr? crazyyyy

so imma be updating on this post on how it goes,,

hour 1: easyyyy organic is fun tbh

hour 2: kinda eepi but after the session i made coffee yeyeye

hour 3: this one was kind of tough so took a 20 mins break after this

hour 4: 20 mins breaks helped a lot so relatively ez

slept for like 4 hrs

currently its 3:10 pm....and i got 16 hrs left😭

lets get it done

hour 5- HAD ME CRYING AND THROWING UP

[nastyboyluke]

beach day with luke! 〰️ wordcount: 2236 〰️ 7:12 am i opened my sleepy eyes and looked around. the sun was pouring in the bedroom, making it very bright. i turned over to see luke still asleep. one of his arms was above his head, his lips opened slightly as he slept. i rubbed my eyes and grabbed my phone, opening up my camera and took a photo of him. i giggled to myself and yawned. i went on my phone, going on social media for a bit before getting up to pee. petunia was awake and followed me. “hi piggy” i smiled and kneeled down, giving her a kiss and petting her. after greeting her, i went pee and went back to bed. she hoped up and laid in the middle. luke stirred in his sleep and opened his eyes a little bit. “what time is it?” he asked half asleep. “seven, go back to sleep.” i said and kissed his cheek. he shut his eyes once again but cuddled me. “sleep baby, you were up late.” “but you’re awake.” he said and turned to face me, brushing hair out of my face. “so? that doesnt mean you gotta wake up too.” i said and ran my hand on his stubby face. a little smile was placed on his face. “you wanna goto the beach today?” luke asked as he rubbed his eyes. “yes! i havent been to the beach in a while.” i said and was getting excited. “and i can take cute photos of you.” i giggled. he smiled too, pulling me closer to him and gave me a kiss. “ew luke you have morning breath.” “you do too!” he pouted. “whatever. im gonna make some tea. do you want coffee or anything love?” i said and sat up. “coffee please.” he answered and petuina took my place in bed and licked lukes face. “kay.” i said and stole his hoodie and went downstairs. the floor was cold sending shivers through my body. i entered the kitchen, getting lukes coffee before i let my water boil. i heard him come downstairs. he had his messy hair all over the place and he was just in his boxers. i bit my lip and looked away, leaning against a counter. “do we still have lucky charms?” he asked and opened one of the pantrys. “no i ate some last night before bed remember?” i said and stuck my tongue out. he groaned and grabbed a granola bar instead. “do you have to goto the studio tomorrow?” i asked as i checked my water. he sat on the counter next to me. “yup. do you wanna come?” he asked, fixing his hair. “if you want me to.” i answered. “you dont have to if you dont.” luke said and grabbed my hand and kissed it. i went inbetween his legs, putting my head against his stomach since he was so tall. “ill just stay here and watch star wars with piggy.” i said giving him a smile and he smiled back. the water was finally boiled so i grabbed my mug and poured my water for my tea to steep in. luke got his coffee and we went back upstairs to sit in bed. “what beach do you want to goto y/n?” luke asked as i went on my phone, sipping my tea. “you probably know more beaches than i do.” “i know a little small beach we can goto its probably far tho since we’re in the valley.” i answered. “maybe an hour and half drive.” “thats fine.” luke said as he turned on the tv, putting on spongebob. 9:50 am “hun,” luke said, walking into the bathroom. i was brushing my teeth. he hugged me from behind. “i have an issue.” i exactly knew what issue meant. i spit and rinsed my mouth. “dont guys get them like when they wake up? not two hours later.” i joked and he rolled his eyes. “yes but im just—“ he hated using the word horny. “in the mood. plus we havent in a while.” i turned around and looked up at him. he had a puppy face. his hand moved down to my butt and i bit my lip. he smirked and kissed me. “fine.” i answered. “but you gotta carry me to the bed.” he smiled and threw me over his back running to the bed making me squeal in laughter. 10:56 am we laid in bed, gazing at each other. “you’re beautiful.” he said and kissed my neck. “you’re so fucking beautiful and i love you so much.” “i love you too.” i answered, giggling as he sucked on my skin, making me feel ticklish. he kissed down my body, going to my chest, leaving wet kisses everywhere. “lucas i thought we were done.” i said moving his hair out of his face. “are we?” he asked, his fingers lightly went over my stomach, moving lower. i bit my lip, making him smirk. he touched me, rubbing gently before sliding a finger in. his rings were cold and i let out a soft moan. luke went slow, which he knew i loved and went crazy over. i breathed heavy and felt my back arch slightly once he hit a certain spot. i knew he was enjoying see me unravel in front of him once again. he pulled his fingers out and laid on top of me, going inbetween my legs. “you know youre fucking heavy.” i said as he kissed me. “yes. i want you to suffocate.” he said and put more weight on me.” i pushed him off and he laughed. “you’re a tease you know that.” i said, sitting up and sliding my underwear on and my tshirt. “dont act like you arent either.” he replied and i giggled because it was true. 1:09 pm “y/n, are you ready?” luke called from downstairs. “yes!” i called, grabbing my phone as i put on my flip flops and went downstairs. luke had a backpack with our things. he had his sunnies on and was ready togo. he was in a button up that was half opened and in his trunks. i grabbed my film camera and we headed out the door, saying bye to petunia and left. we threw our things in the back of the car and left. i drove us there since luke didnt know where to go. once we driving near the water, we opened up the convertible, so the salty wind ran through our hair. when we got there, we parked on the street and walked across the street to the small beach. it was hidden within a neighborhood, were locals only went. after walking down the stairs, our feet hit the sand and the beautiful clear water washed up on the shore. we found a spot to put down our things and ran to the water. it was warm and also cooling as we went deeper into the ocean. a wave and came and splashed me in the face while it didnt even bug luke. “wait luke!” i yelled and he turned around and saw me. he swam over to me and grabbed me by the hand. we were now both fully in the deepend. i splashed him and he splashed back when he wasnt looking, a wave hit him and i laughed. “haha get rekt.” i screamed and he charged at me, grabbing me and made us both get hit by a wave. “get rekt.” he mocked. i rolled my eyes and kissed his salty wet face. we swam around for a while before going into more swallow water was. little kids ran around playing in the water on their little boogey boards. i watched them run around, smiling a bit and looked over at luke. he was watching them too. a little girl near him tripped and fell on the sand, instantly crying. “oh, are you okay?” he asked her, helping her up. “ouch that looks like it hurts. where’s your mum?” he asked. the child pointed to a woman and he nodded. my heart instantly died when he scooped her out of the water and took her to her mother. she had a big bloody scab on her knee. luke told the woman what happened she thanked him. “no problem miss.” he said and waved before walking to me. “that was so sweet of you.” i smiled and he smiled back, his cheeks getting rosy. “it look like it really hurt.” he said. “poor kid.” “love?” i asked as we walked over to our towels. “hmm?” he hummed as he held my hand. “would you have kids with me?” i asked and looked at him. i honestly saw him the one, the person i would love for the rest of my life. “yeah.” he answered and he smiled. “not now of course but the future i would love to.” “duh i dont want kids right now either and you’re in the prime of your career. i would never want to mess that up.” i said and wrapped myself up. “id like to marry you first though.” he said with even a bigger smile. i smiled back and leaned my head on his arm. “do i see a proposal in my future?” i gasped. he shrugged with a sly smile and i giggled, getting out watermelon. i knew he wasn’t anytime soon but the fact that he saw us the same way made me so happy. “can i have one too hun?” he asked and i nodded, giving him one too. i took out my film camera. “look my way luke.” i said and he turned toward holding up his melon and i took the photo. “lets take one together.” he said and grabbed the camera. the held it facing us and we both held out our watermelons and smiled while he pressed down the button. we took another of us kissing and then put it to the side. after our little snack, luke said on his towel on his stomach, sun bathing. i just watched my surroundings, enjoying the view of the sun bouncing light on the beautiful water. eventually, luke fell asleep. i grabbed my camera and laid on the warm sand, and took a photo of him. i snickered and sat back next to him 4:32 pm “did you have a nice nap?” i asked once rolled and laid on his back. he squinted his eyes, hiding his beautiful ocean colored eyes. “yes.” he answered and i leaned down and gave him a lil smooch. “im hungry.” luke whined and sat up. “what do you wanna eat?” i asked and went on my phone. “i dunno. are there any places around here we can eat?” he asked. “probably ill look.” i replied and opened up yelp on my phone. while i scrolled through reviews, luke grabbed my camera and took a photo of me. “stooooop i look ugly probably.” “no you dont. you look hot.” he said and kissed my cheek. “here ill even take a photo for your instagram.” luke smiled and i rolled my eyes. “i found a cafe by the way.” i said as put my phone down. we went by the rocks and water and took some more photos before getting our things and leaving to eat. the cafe was only a block away so i ended up just walking. while we walked, we ran into a few fans who of course asked for photos with luke. after he chatted with them for a bit, we continued our journey to the cafe. once we arrived, we got a seat in the back corner outside. while we looked at menus, i couldnt help myself but sneak a few photos of luke looking like an angel while he checked out the menu. he looked up and noticed i was taking pictures. “hey.” he said and snatched my phone out of my hands. i could fell my cheeks burn pink as he looked. “i like this one.” “oh my god luke youre so conceded.” i laughed and took my phone back and went back to looking too. a waitress came, took our order of drinks and food and left. “are you having a good day?” i asked him. he nodded like a little kid. “yes i did. what about you ma’am?” as the sun went down, the golden light, made his skin glow like a god. he looked so handsome in this very moment. i just wanted to kiss him and tell him how much i am in love with him. “huh—oh ive had a lot of fun.” i said and played with his rings on his fingers. “babe you need to get your nails painted again. they look nasty.” i said and looked at how chipped they are. “can you? im to lazy to go out.” he said with little smile. i sighed and nodded. he made a kissy face saying he loved me and i just waved him off. some time later, a waitress came with our food and we dug in. some food babies later, we were tired and ready to finally go home. as we drove back to la, we saw the sun go down with the wind once again in our hair. its moments like these where i feel life couldnt get any better than right now.

[anonydiary]

7/12/2021

12:39 pm

day 1 of keeping my life here… on a tumblr page. its the only way i can keep it away from my mother so it works, i guess. i am currently sitting in the car, trying to think of how to write while my brother blabbers loudly and my mom watches loud videos and i am losing my mind because it is so loud and everyones moving and being noisy aaaand i cant even hear my own thoughts… autism. sensory overload. im about to cry. great.

anyways. today… fucking sucks so far. they played a suicide prevention video in class and wouldnt let me leave, and then i saw my abusive ex in the hallway and immediately had a panic attack. the kids in my class were joking about suicide and depression and it was just… awful. i got checked out so i wouldnt have to deal with it but god this isnt even better is it? everythings so loud… i feel like i cant even breathe. or think. or feel.

to top it all off, my mother has been awful. she has a pattern of getting worse in the winter, and it’s obviously started. its been nothing but screaming and belittling.

if nothing else, at least ive barely eaten. if nothing else, at least i should lose weight. yeah. control. ive got that dont i? control control control….

2:18 pm

well. mom yelled again. lost her shit on us. at least im home, though.

i just had my last meal of the day. today consisted of:

- coffee

- fruit cup and pomegranate seeds

- vegetarian sandwich

730ish is my total

i feel gross.

i am so stressed. i am a person with hidden thinness, dressed in the lard of a pig. i am disgusting.

6:47 pm

i ate a rice cake and a bunch of pickle slices and its still under 800 which is good. i cleaned too. started my dance project. rehearsed my musical audition stuff.

i did not do my math work… itll be fine… maybe-

ugh… im such a mess.. i havent showered in days.. or washed my face… or brushed my teeth… im barely keeping my head above water, im only striving to keep my grades up and lose weight and the rest is aloof.

and my dear beloveds, i havent been spending much time with them. i miss them. dearly. my heart aches for them so desperately, and when i fall asleep its them that is my last thought, and when i wake its them that enters my head first. i adore them. i miss them.

however i can be more positive. today, i started dating a new partner, we’ll call them cel. i do not love anyone as much as my beloveds, but cel does make me very happy (keep in mind, reader, i am poly and this is consented. do not fret.) i also believe i will attempt going vegan. we will see, haha.

anyways, i am very tired now. i will wait up for my beloveds to come online -we are long distance- though i may sleep soon. it isnt often i stay up past 8pm anymore, im always just so.. tired.

goodnight, reader.

[shytiff]

 August 2021

1 - morning walk with ness mendel to palm hills. my dumb ass decided to do a bit of run. my heart was screaming by the time we hiked lol. continued with some youtube dance work out at mess. had kanayam as always. the fish and chicken somehow tasted even better than usual. afternoon nap. had muesli and simba again. 

2 - a hectic BP slash usila slash mtbs day with dr arief. Tried sop bebek h syafei and sate bandeng. Worked out w renata to a 20 mins pilates vid and 2 madfit songs and one 5 min stretch. Dinner was tofu soun seaweed and egg soup courtesy of renata. And baked banana with ovomaltine lolll im so grateful friends give me food.

3 - in usila today but turns out theres still one more day of vaccine in kantor kecamatan, so nessa and i went. We screened together w dr arief. Finished at about 2 pm. Can finaly eat at like 3ish after getting to the mess. Felt a bit of headache and my nose starts to go runny. So i slept. But my nose was so blocked. So i asked renata for her boiled noodle. Felt a bit better. Cleared my nose. Slept.

4 - it did feel better, finally. The soreness i felt in my abs yesterday gets worse today lmao. BP w nessa. orientation w dr harnis. talked ngalor ngidul about love life et cetera at our room lol

5 - fasted today. sahur was rice, crispy mushroom and abon since i felt sick of eating egg. it seems that love life talk continued today    at BP w dr anggi. printed stuff at kubang wates. bought kepak bandeng at RM tajuk and some snacks in indomaret. turns out Prof gave me one more ppt to do, for PIT. and the manuscript deadline is on the 8th :) immediately started doing something about it since now i know ppt and word making rly takes time

6 - muesli and pizza from alfia for bfast. vaccine today w dr lutfi. talked with kang ade and turns out he lived in kalideres before lol. bought don’s burger for dinner and ate it with fried egg. 

7 - MTBS today. got a lot of free food. read stranger than friends. went to transmart w nessa to buy stuff. did the word for Prof’s PIT topic acompanied with lofi study on the tv accompanied with nescafe latte. taste kinda.. weird. 

8 - ran a bit today, alone. bought nasi uduk for 5000 and i added scrambled egg. continued the word and finished it at like 11 am. sent it. relaxed for a bit. read black mirror. lunch was from labbaik but things went shit and i ended up paying 72k lol. printed document stuff w nessa and went to palm hills in the golden hour. ate together w the gals. played scrabble and talked a bit with fianti until almost 11 pm.

9 - had left over chicken and pizza for bfast. usila today and the patients came back to back. bought kanayam while waiting for 2 pm. slept. did (so little) work of ECMOCARD SAP. im so research dumb. 

10 - had steak and rice and renata’s veggie soup for bfast. vaccine today at vivo near intermedia with teh dian. waited for a mother with 9cm dilatation in ugd with nessa, but it took so long so i went back first. met up with atikah at o seven lmao. she arrived at like 12 and waited at palm wates. tried carbonara sphagetti (yum! but not fulfilling enough) and fried tofu. slept early and i probably passed out at like 930 pm. atikah was talking w ratnaa and we’re talking about the day’s randomness of atikah’s customer that somehow lives in cilegon

11 - woke up late. drove motorbike around palmhills to sightsee a bit. bfast at nasi uduk place around the corner. did some ngambi-together in green wates, accompanied by atikah’s 2 songs, repeated many times. went to mess. ate seafood in merak (a place near billiard cafe). got fish and shrimp. went to pulau kecil with pak asep’s help. walked around the tiny island. saw a monkey. the waters surprisingly clear. and then after maghrib Prof asked me about the ppt lol. so i hurriedly made it and emailed it, with zoom sesh 2mrw

12 - muesli for bfast. a hectic day today at bp x usila with dr lutfi (she went up for a bit for promkes). leftover kangkung and fish for lunch. hurriedly added some stuff to Prof’s ppt before the zoom sesh at 3. did 1 pamela reif vid and “attempted” her 10 min ab workout. dinner was soun and egg and renata’s veggie. 

13 - vaccine day for ODGJ and special needs children ft. dr Arief. finished at like 10:15. bought discounted wingstop (86k for 20 piece). was about to send Prof’s ppt but turns out there’s a ppt from the sponsor. in english. so i had to mold the 2 ppt and do some translation. finally sent it, and the literature. the sponsor used a lot of old literature lol. 

14 - wingstop and rice for bfast. mtbs today. no patient lmao. bu ningrum gave me cimol again! and a snack called selondok. waited out 2 pm with nessa. there’s a mom that came with upper abdominal pain. it did not improve after ranitidine, so she was referred. mom dad etc came to cilegon. i vacuumed. bujing lia had itches within like 15 mins of entering my room :(( lol. since the bed was put out, renata and i slept in yoga mat lol. nessa went to damkar. but i dreamed of something that night.

15 - mom’s spaghetti for bfast. off to pulau besar at 7 am. walked around the island a bit. swam in pulau kecil. ate at saung bonang (<50k per person!). tidied up the hydrovacuumed bed. a 20 ish minute ab and glutes workout with renata. love life talk. accidentally turned on live video in cld lmao. talked with aisyah due to said live vid. gave some brownies and spaghetti to mendel lol. dinner was mom’s chicken, kentang balado and capcay. 

16 - usila today. lots of patients with dizziness. ate mom’s chicken and spicy potato for lunch. 

17 - free day today. picked up my towel from sodaqo laundry. nasi uduk for breakfast. lazed. washed my undies. lunch was meat soup made by renata. watched run bts while eating indomie. watched extreme job (quite hilarious). filled my logbook. slept at like 12 am

18 - spaghetti for bfast. no patient at kia. promkes about hypertension. some patients at igd today. my mistake today was not realizing the pneumonia on a 8months patient with severely dehydrated diarrhea :( there’s also a 4 yo child whose fever did not improve after like 3 hrs and pct and compress. i have to be better :(. lunch was kanayam. bought chatime together with ness tri. tried lychee milk tea and the taste did not combine well at all. imagined better productivity with nessa even though its less likely to happen lmaooo

19 - fasted and had nongshim carbonara dry ramen for sahur. BP today. Almost bought martabak but its just keBMan on my part.

20 - vaccine day today. Filled logbook. went to mess and went back again to cibeber through the rain when i was called by the teteh. Helped the delivery (the mcroberts, to be exact), and got some hecting. The midwives were rly kind :) ness ren were sleeping so i got some silence for myself. It was nice. Tidied some stuff and slept

21 - mtbs. Whatsapp class for pregnant woman abt c19 vaccine. Bought martabak hokky medium (50k,green tea, chocolate, ceres and cheese). Turns out alfia also bought martabak assen. Fried mom's chicken and ate it with renata's porridge. Movie night, watched under the gods 1 along with popcorn

22 - woke up kinda late if i wanted to run, but the weather was cloudy and nice, so i went out at 7:15ish. ran a bit towards KS complex behind mess. walked through a jogging track, empty houses, krakatau bike park. played badminton with tri. washed undies. ate mom’s food for bfast slash lunch. napped a bit. off to o seven, bringing mom’s brownies. ordered green tea latte (25k), it tasted sweet and i had to remind myself that its not matcha lol. did some logbook and literature search for prof’s ppt. ate renata’s broccoli. folded clothes. tried nessa’s scarlett scrub. put on some lotion. mask. turned on fianti’s candle (smells rly nice and calming!). vcall with fi, scrabble and some talks. and suddenly its 11pm

23 - usila today. quite a lot of patients, so much that i was thirsty. dr yanti called since she needs some preskas docx. lol so sudden. bought mizone and dimsum kuy (10.5k with gofood pickup promo). the dimsum was good and fulfilling. didnt do anything else much in the mess. read a painter behind the curtain. it was rly rly good. all the characters made sense and had great insight. some are assholes (im looking at u, Raymond). ate the keripik mom bought from sidimpuan. first time actually trying it. its actually not that spicy lmao i used to think its the spiciest thing in the world. banana, brownies and protein shake for din din.

24 - empty KIA today. no promkes. or UGD patients. some mentoring on preeclampsia by dr Arif. went to BNI but turns out our card havent been activated yet.  cooked mom’s sphagetti sauce (thats not enough amount) along with egg and cheese. yum. had banana brownies and protein for dinner. started trial to blinkist

25 - BP today. reasonable amount of patients, accompanied by blinkist. tried ngikan by gofood pickup (17.5k). i still prefer kanayam’s fish and nasi liwet. a pregnant woman came to UGD. so i went back at like 7 pm, but turns out the mom went back home lmao. mas apit said i shouldve contacted him. point taken. so a nicely lit cafe along the way to pkm called Serada, so i tried it. It has industrial vibes. Got latte (25k). did some logbook. Read some blinks in bed

26 - vaccine today. Both screening and getting moderna lol. My arm hurts. So far no fever. bought roti O croissant and the usual coffee bread for 12k using gofood. Watched weathering with you. Turned on the candle. Read blinks

27 - arm hurts. but thankfully its mtbs. slept while waiting until 2. kanayam sambal matah for lunchie. finally took PCT that solved my headache and incoming fever and arm pain bcs i dont want to stumble while on the motorbike. watched harry potter #1. washed clothes and filled some logbook, powered by left over serada latte. need to sleep so i wont wake up late 2mrw

28 - mass vaccination in SMP RJ with mendel kak esa. 800ish patients. Lots of food and snacks and coffee. Picked up by mom and dad. Slept on the way. And like magic, when i open my eyes im at the airport. Basking in the silence of my room

29 - relaxed. Moms nasgor for bfast. Met up with atikah puy in kopi sedjenak. Tried their croffle with nutella. Went to racheels since its her online grad day. There were also sil and dev. Lotsss of food was eaten that day. Doughnuts, moms brownies, fruits, phd bigbox. Atikah and puy also came along to racils. Had lots of fun talk.

30 - sahur. Off to cilegon. A bit of road fixture was going on. Stopped in the rest area since i wanted to pee. KIA/ugd today. There was a patient who had an accident with a truck. Her nails were falling off. I panicked when Prof asked for his ppt so i hurriedly finished it. Had moms chicken for iftar. Fell asleep after maghrib

31 - usila. Renata fried bakwan and tofu and fish and chicken. Lotsss of fries yum. We played with makeup and ness set up her ling light. I imitated jks tattoo using eyeliner lol. Did the word for Prof. Jk went live for his bday!! I listened until i fell asleep (lol hes still going)

[itsjayyyy]

January 10, 2019 12:13 pm

it’s a week after i planned on writing an update, but it’s a thursday so i’m technically on time. I worked tuesday, as i said, and on wednesday rose came over. we first went to the mall so i could show her how decrepit it was, and got auntie anne’s there. I like the mini pretzel dogs, but hate the hot dogs inside them; i just like how the pretzels are rolled up to look like croissants and how the hot dogs imbue the bread with that umami flavor. Then we went back to my place and watched train to busan (the main character was the same guy from coffee prince!), and then went to baanchan for dinner. I remember that she borrowed a shirt and got a stain on it and took it home and said shed wash it but i can’t remember which one. thursday and friday i just kinda lazed around, relaxed for a few days before the semester started. i signed up for postmates, and just today i got an email saying the prepaid card was sent to my address so i’ll activate it when i get home. the weekend was work, as always.

i would like to thank every god for allowing me to live so close to campus, because if i had to wake up any earlier for my 7:30 am calc class i would die. On the first day I woke up at 6, but tbh the earlier i have to wake up, the longer i have to take to get ready so I was kinda rushing and ended up forgetting my wallet. I didn’t want to give up my parking space to go back to get it, so I took the on campus shuttle back to my apartment to pick it up, since i needed my id to get my textbooks. got my textbooks (with no line whatsoever!), went to my evening classes, then went home. oh, and apparently i’m so bad at math. i saw my schedule’s weekly chart and said “oh nice, i have a 4 hour gap in the middle of the day for studying or getting lunch” but apparently it’s a 7 hour gap, from 8 am to 3 pm. coolio.

my calc professor was a bit timid, and has a slight accent. the first day i made the mistake of sitting in the back like last year, and could not focus on a word he said. psychology was chill, we just covered the syllabus. apparently, the psychology department (not my professor) mandates that all intro psych classes’ grades are 10% participating in psychology studies, bc otherwise nobody would volunteer to help them. i hate being forced to do anything, so of course I’m gonna lie and fuck with their studies. asl was my fav class, it’s at 6:30 when campus is empty. we just learned the alphabet (and by that i mean she ran through it once and then we had to go to the front of the class and introduce ourselves). the whole class is immersive, meaning that even on the FIRST day of class we weren’t allowed to speak. as if i understood a single thing she said. there’s a cute girl in that class, we didnt speak to each other (obvs) but when i got stuck while introducing myself, she helped me out since she was in the front row. can i just say i’m PISSED that it seemed like everyone was fluent in asl while i barely knew the alphabet. yall this is an introductory class.

tuesday was a disaster. i woke up at 6 again, but was so beat from the day before that I decided to skip calc, on the grounds that it was all just review and the first unit was my best anyways. i forgot to set a follow up alarm, though, so i woke up naturally at 8:55. and then looked at my class schedule. and saw that my next class was at 9. luckily since i live by campus i was only 6 minutes late, but i forgot literally everything (didn’t bring my phone or my backpack) except for my wallet. I didn’t even have time to shower, or brush my teeth, or comb my hair. immediately after i was done with that class i went home and did all of those. I also went to the pet store to get a new filter for my fish, since my last one broke (after 2 years of having it, which i think is a good lifespan). I installed that, knit more of my gloves, then went back on campus for programming at 6. The professor didn’t even cover the syllabus, he just jumped straight into the lecture. one kid asked about the structure of the class, and at that point he gave a quick summary. it was clear we were all expecting him to start the lecture with the syllabus. i’m so annoyed that last semester i deleted codeblocks, the program used in the course, because i thought i was done with it, and now i have to reinstall it. tuesday evening i watched hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, which i watched when i was like, 7, but forgot most of. 

wednesday, i woke up at 5:30, so that i would have more time to get ready. I sat in the front of calc, and took really great notes. we finally started getting into psychology, all about behavior and stuff. I did one of their stupid studies before class, it was this survey about “human social perception” but honestly it was asking about how lonely i am. and when you have to actually sit there and quantify how many friends you have, and how often you see them, it really puts it into perspective. kinda felt called out.

ya know how every semester, i creep on webcourses’ list of students in my class? well the cute girl in asl is named “anna” (as per how she introduced herself, it was the only name i could catch), and there’s only one anna in the class, and she has a crazy last name so it was p easy to find her on ig and twitter. i was scrolling down her twitter when i accidentally liked one of her tweets. i quickly unliked it, and i didn’t think she would have gotten the notification bc it was a retweet anyways, but shortly after that she followed me. and then i remembered that my most recent tweet was “so uhh whos gonna tell the cute girl in my asl class that i want to go out with her bc it sure as hell ain’t gonna be me” (cue my death). i deleted it and hoped she didn’t see it, but honestly if she followed me she prob saw it. i hoped that maybe bc i don’t have my real name listed on twitter that she wouldn’t know it was me, but in class i introduced myself as “jay” bc i forgot the symbol for s. pls kill me. and this all happened like 10 minutes before class started. I sat in the back, though, so we weren’t near each other. but at the end of the class we did an activity where we got a card with a word, and we had to find the person with the same card by signing it. we did like 4 rounds, and i was hoping we wouldn’t be together, but in the last round we were. we didn’t talk tho, and as soon as it was over i was gone. 

despite my period being nowhere near, i had a huge depressive episode last night. like, by her ig and twitter, she’s a Distinguished Gay in which she did a high school summer program with Stanford where she did heart surgery on a porcupine, and was an award winning thespian, and has tons of friends and a supportive family, where i’m the complete opposite: no friends, failed 3 classes, family hates me, chose a low paying career, needs alcohol to cope with life. This is one case where opposites don’t attract: she’s not gonna want to be with someone whose life is a complete mess. And then i just got to thinking about how rose tells me that mom lowkey thinks I’m a complete dissapointment for being gay and she only puts up with me bc it’s the muslim thing to do, and how the only way i can make her happy is me being single my whole life so she wouldn’t have to know. how i can never have love. and then rose texted asking for an update and i just kinda lashed out at her. why does she feel the need to tell me about mom talking shit? why would i want to hear that? yea i get the whole “don’t let others talk shit behind my back” idea but sometimes ignorance is bliss. i just don’t want to feel like a pile of shit for once in a while. and of course I’m still so resentful about the way that mom and dad treat rose like a damn golden child while i’ve never gotten 1/10 of the support she has.

This morning i went to calc, then comp, didn’t really pay attention in either. while in comp, heather texted me and was like “we should meet up soon.” rose also texted me; last week we were planning to meet up today but it was kinda dicey since we had that issue last night. and anyways at 11 she said “i got a job interview with izziban at 4, should i go” and i was just like “yea sure” bc i really don’t give a fuck. she always puts everything before me so why bother. then she got all like “if something’s wrong you need to tell me i can’t help if i don’t know what’s wrong” like, how about you read what i sent you last night, that details EVERYTHING that’s wrong. she later said she was gonna skip the interview bc she already has a job and she’s gonna do uber eats, and that she was just gonna have lunch with mom (since mom loves her enough to cook for her) and then head out my way. heather responded that we should meet at 1 today, so i told rose. rose said “should i wait for yall to finish and then come by?” but i havent responded bc i don’t want to see her (ever again).

I soft blocked anna on twitter bc i didn’t want her to see me talking about how i wanted to kill myself on main lmao. anyways i’m gonna go get a smoothie.

[survivorcostarica]

Ep. 1 - “Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on...” - Randy

i cant see pls send imitrex

i have a crush on cole, i'm in this game and virgin islands with him and i really like talking to him.  he is really genuine and easy to talk to, i feel ridiculous for admitting this but this was the first thing i thought to confess about lol

I want to shoot myself in the fucking face what is my tribe?! 

Cole is such a messy thot, Kevin is that but without being remotely good at the game, Arika and Julia are best friends IRL and 1000% will be working together. Louise is a fucking saint but that also terrifies me because I can't do shit against her without being a terrible person. At least Madison is really down to earth and chill even thought I've known her for two days and met her on Club Penguin. I don't know Bryce, Noah or the other one so they're 1000% my go to people right now.

Ohkay hi hi. My name is Bryan and I’m here to try and NOT flop at this game. Ok sooo. I’m looking at my tribe and i notice. My best friend Madison is here. Just kidding i HATE her. Or at least that’s what i will want people to think so we aren’t targeted for our friendship or whatever cuz we had BEEF in our last game. Um. Josh is also here. I was in another game with him but i didn’t really get to talk to him that much. Other than that cole and Kevin seem nice enough and are talkative so that’s good. I guess I’ll just be able to talk more with other people later.

Imagine suffering, imagine euthanizing yourself, imagine losing your will to continue on in an ORG you were last minute filled into. I literally hate this whole tribe so much, and I'm going into this game with the mindset that we are losing every single immunity and reward. When I saw the first three cast reveal posts i prayed i wasnt on the orange tribe. i actually believed and god, and asked him for forgiveness for all the sins ive committed and pleaded my case to on why i shouldnt be on this tribe. but, alas here i am. so its time to play i guess I'm not good with social game, and thats why i usually fail at survivor. I always have a good first few days, but then its just me being inactive and skirmming my way until my inevitable premerge eviction. But in this game im literally going to pull all the stops i can. I will start to set up my reputation as a good survivor player. And it starts here. Even if nobody pms me I will take this game by storm. Meaning right now its getting good with the influential such as Jay and Drew. They have a few buds on the other tribe, and working with them can only help me when we hit merge. i'm also going to keep Chrissa tight because she is just such a good ally, but its also going to be hard to protect her as she is such a shit competitor. But thats all plans let me talk about to cast Cameron: Love cameron our last org played together we made final 3, and he asked me to cut him. I will keep him under my sphere of influence especially since he said he isnt familiar with this group of players Chrissa: I also love chrissa. She can be a little annoying sometimes, but she always has good intentions. She is fiercely loyal, and thats something great to have in an ally because numbers are more important in survivor than big brother Constance: I don't like him. I want nothing to do with him. The closest association I ever had with constance was us two being on the same cast reveal post. And I'm far more than content with that interaction. He's from facebook, and that means he is going to stir the pot when there isn't any stirring necessary. He is going to make a move just to make a move, and if I cut him earlier the better. But if I can work with him, and test and experience how he plays this game. I do think it would be more entertaining Drew: I have good relations with him but really havent played an org with him. I have no intentions on backstabbing him especially in this cast. I do think he will either slide into the shadows, or emerge as the person calling the shots for this tribe. Jay: Same as Drew tbh. They're together as a duo, so anything one does the other will follow. I'm not going to beef with him Jill: I haven't met Jill before this. but she is the driest person i have pm'd in a while. Me and her are having forced small talk, but i dont want to lose connections with her yet. I'm hoping she isnt well liked or well received so she can leave. Reagan: Me and her have butted heads so many times in vls. If you wanted a fight. Its going to be between me and her i bet your hat. Sam: I dont know if he's a newbie or from a community. But me and him kicked things off really well, and I'm feeling natural chemistry with him. I'll keep him near my sphere of influence for sure. Roxy: Going against Roxy is such a stupid move. Because she's just going to waste her whole entire game trying to vote you off. She gets really bitter easily, and i dont know what the hell she's saying half of the time. I dont understand her game or her mouth so im just gonna let her be...

[12:25:40 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: dam stop tryna out do my intro  do I have to add my likes too?  tch [12:25:48 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie [12:25:53 PM] Chrissa Bullard: lol [12:26:54 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: okay Ill admit idc about the size of your butt [12:27:01 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: even if you have a small butt id still potentially like u [12:27:12 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: but yall are gay so like  what can a straight gal like me do [12:27:29 PM] Chrissa Bullard: hello sam and roxy with her butt equality [12:29:22 PM] Jill: if u wanna be my friend add me and SAY hey bc i forget to add people [12:29:53 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and I say HEY what a wonderful kinda day [12:29:54 PM] Jill: also msg me ur pronouns thanks [12:29:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: you can learn and work and play [12:30:26 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: my pronouns are "my lord" and "your highness" [12:30:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: I said I was a she cause dan didn't take me seriously even tho imma hella serious [12:30:52 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Admin): my pronouns are he/they and they are actually serious :) [12:31:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: oi how dare you say I aint serious [12:31:36 PM] Chrissa Bullard: your highness is serious do not get my lords pronouns wrong :P [12:31:41 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: :/ I'm the lord and the queen roxy herself [12:31:42 PM] Chrissa Bullard: seriously though [12:31:47 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: of course my pronoun is your highness [12:31:57 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: thank you ! see? chrissa gets it! [12:32:02 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: look I even have a crown as proof [12:32:07 PM] Chrissa Bullard: true [12:32:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i trans-itioned from being a commoner to being a queen [12:32:51 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: also if i don't pm you its cause i avoid social interactions at all times [12:33:00 PM] Chrissa Bullard: a mood [12:33:05 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: and i haven't left  my house in 9 days [12:33:13 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: apart from an hour once to go to the gym [12:33:17 PM] 👑 Queen Roxy 👑: i haven't recovered since i take medicine. its called coffee. it helps releave the symptoms of being dead inside

My tribe is probably going to be useless. Which means that we have to turn it OUT for immunity. Randy, Roxy and I are all attempting to make flags. I have faith in Randy's abilities... roxy, not so much. But she does have a good artistic ability, so I hope she turns it out for this. We can hope. We can hope.

Blah blah blah. Confessional confessional. The immunity comp is a flag making competition. Which means i can’t really participate. The one we have so far tho is super cute!! There’s a Julia on our tribe. I have to start learning people’s names. Ugh. Too much work. 

I think like our tribe will win immunity, looking at cadejo’s scores, they seem like flops I mean that tribe is super ugly so ya know… cute is gonna devour gorgeous. Anyways Anthony is doing great at the flag I gave him the ideas, he executed them for me so everyone is great. Also i got this red KEY

I really don't like my tribe but I think I like the other tribe even less just from the few people I've encountered before or at the very least heard about. If anything though that's great for me because I have all of two or three people I remotely care about so I have no issues with taking people out.

RANDY'S FLAG LOOKS TERRIBLE! but we're going with that one anyway!!! even though its literally furry meme nonsense!!! so i hope to god i dont get targetted when we lose bc i made an effort not to be a grumpy ass beyotch!

ummm roxy said she and sam wanna align with me!! it's so early!!! I may work with Reagan bc we worked together previously I think!! Everyone else seems fine. I'm gunna msg drew and everyone else tomorrow or later and say hey I've been napping!!! Go team

I honestly think im going because peop le don't tell me anything I'm scared 

[3/28/18, 1:55:57 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): "I love y-...ughch..." [3/28/18, 1:56:05 AM] Drew (heuse1ac): Cameron 2k18 im just gonna put this here ;)

Anyway. Here's some tea. Roxy thinks I talk too much about being in the hospital. Sorry sweaty, I'm disabled, I'm gonna be in the hospital. And I have the right to talk about whatever I want. ANYWAY, Constance, the literal loml, gave me this tea so that's great. I LOVE HIM. So we made an alliance of me and drew, because drew has a "bad reputation" (sweetie, you were the one making tasteless comments night one, let's not get it twisted here!!) We talk a bunch, we have good laughs, and we head to bed. I went into this round wanting to target Roxy anyway, but she just went painted a bullseye on her back for me!

This first round felt so nostalgic to me, in the sense that being gone from these games for a while allowed me to step back and revitalize the way that I play games. In the beginning of the game, I felt an immediate connection with Cameron. He is someone who has a really nice, personable outlook as a person and I could see myself becoming really good allies and friends outside of this game. I also really enjoy Drew, Sam and Jill. Drew: I was excited to see him in this game because we just met a few days before the game started because he flirted with me a little and I thought he was a nice guy in general. I haven't had the chance of getting to know him all that well yet, though he stated to me that he will not write my name down throughout the game when we were first added to the tribe, so I hope that stays as promised. Sam: We both come from the same community but we both individually transferred to Tumblr at different points in time. I don't know him well enough to say he could be someone I stay with for the long run, but I have had a few calls with him and he seems pretty straightforward about what he wants in this game and where he wants to go. I'll leave it at that for now. Jill: She is literally everything that is me. "I'm going to see my sugar daddy," "I am eating a whole barbecque chicken pizza to myself," "I need money" I LOVE THIS CHICK! We need to align and become friends for sure because I can't see myself without her! One smaller relationship I have is with Chrissa and that will require some work on my part, both game wise and friend wise included. We had a rough past on a personal note but we are working our ways around it to become friends again on a personal level, not even on a game level. I feel like if Chrissa is able to handle herself in this game with me the way she did in Arrakis ages ago, she should be good to go with me! The people I really don't talk with or connect with right now are Jay, Roxy, Randy and Regan. - Jay just hasn't spoken a lot, but that may be subject to change? - Regan has this huge negative perception that everyone has given about her and I'm honestly not about holding past games or whatnot against anyone. If she is as crazy or as ballistic as people say she is then that will happen on it's own accord. - Randy is..Randy. I'm not really putting a whole lot here. He comes off extremely weird to me and I'm not feeling it. - Roxy and Randy both share the same trait they don't mind expressing: their messy players. I'm not one to want to play with people who are going to knowingly make things difficult for me in this game moving forward. I feel like getting out people who tend to be wildcards for my individual game will boost my ability to better know the personalities I surround myself with. Intended Target: Roxy Reason: I had a call with Sam and discussed some feelings about the challenge for the flag that had taken place. In my individual opinion, expressing the idea of putting in effort for a challenge and then doing the opposite of what you said you would do, shows a false sense of sportsmanship and that bothers me. Roxy said she would make a temporary flag as a concept, but never did and constantly said "I'm lazy, so I don't want to do it." Adding on to the reason above, I was asked if I wanted to be added to a call with Sam by Roxy as they were both speaking with each other and I said I wouldn't mind joining. We both tried asking Roxy about potential ideas for the vote off and Roxy made it clear that Regan would be too easy to get rid of. Then came the critical point of the conversation where Roxy would bring up Cameron and Drew's names, stating that Drew apparently has a bad or weird reputation in the Tumblr community of games, but this is COSTA RICA not any other game. She also stated in regards to Cameron word for word that, "I just think Cameron talks about themselves too much in the main chat, and that brings people to feel for them more, and that makes them look bad" and this was in relation to when Cameron stated he was in the hospital. I found that to be extremely bothersome because otherwise, Cameron has never talked about himself constantly or anything like that. My intentions are to pull myself, Drew, Cameron, Jill, Sam and Jay to vote out Roxy. I started the idea when I asked Sam on call blatantly and he agreed and I calmly took it by step. That's all I have folks! I hope this works out and if for some odd reason I go home first, well then it was fun while it lasted! 

Okay so I need to catch yall up on how shit can turn into bliss SO reward I literally ate shit in. i scored to lowest out of everybody in the whole cast. Making myself inferior to competition flops like Chrissa. So that wasnt really well. However my soccial game has been stepping up. Even though im lacking a little bit in the pm part of my game. I have been having good chemistry with literally everybody in the tribe chat. I have also led us in the flag immunity. So me and Cameron made a flag. And the tribe had to pick which one, and it was pretty set even. I do think the end result wouldve been the same but it was nice to see people on my side and supporting me. So then we lose the tribal flag, and im literally yeeted away from the tribe. Which is really good since with this tribal vote i wouldve been thrown under the bus. allegedely roxy has been throwing names around, and had i stayed in the tribe it might of been my name that was thrown around since it was my flag that lost. so im happy to avoid the drama of the first vote. but now that people have bonded since roxy's polarization im starting to become more outcasted. I just need go stronger for immunities and amp up my social game even more. Since ive been to the other tribe I have a feeling on whats happening. Cole is aligned with all them bitches. Literally Madison Louise are people he's played with before, and when we talked in pms he said this tribe is full of his friends. He is very safe in his tribe which is really nice. Since the League of Gays need to work together at the merge : ~)

[shytiff]

July 2021

1 - the toners i bought from sociolla arrived yay. loll i got into portal’s hall of fame somehow. usual day at magang. slowww progress of that sympo 1 ppt hhh. went back home and its raininggg yall. this week my hygiene habits and isya prayer was screwed. i cant bring myself to DOOOO things. i basically only get stuff done outside.

2 - started 2nd ppt (i know!!! super slow aaaaa). bought dough lab OG cookies and cookie monster since it was discounted at grab’s PI outlet. bought matcha mcflurry w juan when going back to AR. ate roti canai, the whole mcflurry, and tried the cookies. the sugar, bruh. all this time, im not lacking energy. im lacking sugar lol. watched two set and played marapets lol

3 - binged twoset violin. cant bring myself to do ppt. Finally managed at night.

4 - dayslept. Not sleepy but cant bring myself to do anything. Supernova technical meeting at 1 pm and some gmeet with iship wa group and suddenly its maghrib,,, did like 2 slides of ppt

5 - went to post office to get str and arrived 8 sharp. No one was there. Anjeng. They said wait until 9. went to tax office. Closed. Off to rscm. Ugh the traffic!? Surprise of kiara "internship" that on the very same day was cancelled

6 - its a struggle to reach rscm ugh. tried to go through sudirman but the toll exit was closed. so we went through tebet. gajah 2 was also sealed. while waiting for juan i bought snacks in indomaret. lol, got no cash. liqo with kak kartika and fell asleep halfway through lol,,,

7 - this time we’re going through kemayoran lmao and exited the toll at rawamangun. bought saladstop caesar salad just bcss they have this collapsible bowl bundling, together 140k (after added grab promo) lool. 

8 - today i didnot went to gastro since its off day due to a gastro staff getting covid. went to RSF for operan with dr dedes. took pictures with dr vera and we made heart using hand lmaooooo my koas soul felt scared doing that. tried the sushi mom bought at lotte mart. she also bought milk buns and it was good! like a marriage between bread and mochi. my stomach felt super bloated to a point where it hurts so i ate paldo wet ramyeon except i put too much water and the seasoning was diluted. 

9 - im supposed to do ppt but i cant bring myself to do it. i lazed in my bed literally all day. bingeing two set. reading webtoon. playing marapets. felt like utter shit. thought that id start my day after maghrib but nah. ended up sleeping

10 - still feel like shit and cant bring myself to start my day. And didnt do anything lmaoo

11 - cant bring myself to start my day~ ended up starting work like after maghrib. Its more difficult with things where u actually have to think bcs u need a certain headspace. Got sbux matcha and that shit rly helps me feel "normal".

12 - intern as usual. The 4 ppts are "finished" and i contacted the prof after mustering some strength. Zoom call with prof to check on the ppt. Bought a delicious es jeruk somewhere along the way to AR. Talked to mom abt picking wahana. The list was finally out and it was jakarta fair. Ara called, her grandpa passed away and shes afraid to go back and potentially harming her familys health. Showered but slept right after without doing anything meaningful 😔

13 - today is the 2nd "special batch" of internship idi. Followed along the war as a practice time. Theres a lot of vacant spots. And that scared us wanting to go national lol. I hope everything will be fine. Another zoom call with Prof, ughh theres so much to reviseeeeeee and i havent made any word material

14 - its only nessa and me today at dept. Picked rs krakatau medika together w nessa. Clara told me abt how her mother is sometimes toxic. Cant rly focus on work today bcs of internship stuff. Had headache ec lack of sleep that lasted from 2-6 pm. Immediately slept like a log after isya

15 - turns out nessa also want to pick rskm loll that makes 7 ui peeps in rskm. Did some good progress by alienating myself in Prof's cubicle. Moral message: whatever time you think youd make the ppt, it will be more. Bought martabak tipker orins yum. Its like lekker on steroids. I still prefer martabak pizza more.

16 - did 1 word for the ppt. Bought jco donuts w nessa bcs my mouth was lonely. Sent 1 completed topic to Prof and pamit.

17 - cant bring myself to do anything~ felt like shit~ played marapets and watched tiktok and youtube

18 - pembekalan iship today

19 - more pembekalan iship. Medical checkup today at labkesda. Met nessa mendel adita regen clara agung. Ate kfc together at nessas place. Went to dinkes jakbar for sppd. No ppt progress aaaaaa

20 - packed my stuff. Originally planned ti leave at 2 pm but theres a lot of uncertainty so i decided to leave tomorrow. The real certainty came at like 9 pm.

21 - off to cilegon 05:30 ish. Filled the gas. Arrived 07:15. Moved my stuff. Went to pkm with mom et al and ness mendel. Swab. Back to palm wates. I felt sad when mom had to leave. She must be tired, but she keeps supporting me with everything that she has. I know its always been like that but sometimes distance makes you see things (?) maybe its bcs im outside ar right now. Bought food. Printed stuff at a place 600m away. Did ppt work accompanied by mocca goodday (that i just knew was good lmao)

22 - zoom orientation today. Still managed to laze out and not do my work -___- tri was out so i was alone. Ate gold chick for brunch. That stuff is oil mixed with food. Finally did some work. The night orientation with dr Selfie was pretty shocking, but it was rly informative and i think she did it out of love.

23 - puskes 1st day. Orientation and turns iut we headed straight to poli lol. Had my very first poli umum with the kind dr arief. My first patient had bee sting :) the second was breast lump :) its rly a slap in my face to go study. Stayed in nessa's for a bit to do some work, except i felt rly tired and gave up at like 4 pm. Bought kebab around the corner (15k). Unremarkable. Kanayam for dinner, w some for breakfast 2mrw

24 - slept early so i woke up early. Tri also. We did some working at like 3 am til subuh. Poli was not too crowded since it was saturday. Helped mendel irrigate his ear in the puskes ER. Waited out the 2 pm standby. We ended up driving to merak except for esa lol. Bought kanayam again lol. Ended up sleeping early again

25 - nasi uduk 88 for breakfast. Some ppt work. my family came bringing motor hehe. Moved to mess. Met dr Ine. Learned how to use washing maching. More ppt work. Bought nasgor just in front of the mess

26 - vaccine post today. Zoom with IDI cilegon. Nessa cooked macaroni and meat. Talked a bit and then suddenly its half past 10. No significant ppt progress today. Im rly sorry Prof 😭😭😭

27 - MTBS poli today. Bu ningrum gave me cimol and jantung pisang and sayur and salad buah hehee. Some orientation. Did the last ppt for Prof. Can finally rest (??) nah the words still not finished. Overall mood today: ☺️

28 - poli usila today in bp with mendel. Injected mendel with his 3rd sinovac. Went to dinkes for SPPD.

29 - vaksin with mendel. lots of patients. porridge for bfast. talked about love life lmaoo. tried sate bebek h. syafei. quite good but sate klathak still holds the first place in my heart. finished the 3rd word doc and sent it. just as i was about to sleep, i saw the notif of jk going live. hes basically dancing around in his pjs at 1 am lmaoo <3

30 - paldo jajangmen for bfast. BP. shoot a video for e-promkesline. soto for lunch. bought kopi soe goela merah and croffle. the croffle was not as hard and crunchy and thick as social affair’s. the choco-nut topping was so so. the coffee was bitter like tuku, but not as smooth and creamy (?), not too acidic. did ppt of ecmocard data an hour before the zoom sesh.

31 - vaccine with dr anggi. went back early. bought some stuff in indomaret. lunch was abon, rice and leftover veggies. finished the last word manuscript for Prof along with kopi soe and sent it. vcalled w mom. had simba pillow mixed with sport muesli for dinner.