#it's my dead horse and i'm gonna beat it

[raayllum]

So following writing this short meta about Rayla and Callum's differing responses to their hostage exchanges (in 4x09 and here above in 5x08 respectively), I was also thinking about this scene with Viren because it shows, perhaps, the biggest difference I've always seen between Callum and Viren, even back in S1/S2.

I've talked about it before, but it always bears repeating: throughout the first three episodes of S1, we see Viren try everything he can to save Harrow's life, including offering up others' and his own through the soulfang spell... but giving up the egg never occurs to him as an option. The fact that we know it wouldn't have necessarily worked (hi Runaan's stubborn refusal) is a moot point; relinquishing a 'weapon' and letting it fall back into Xadia's hands is not something, point blank, that Viren is willing to do, even to save the life of someone he loves and is willing to die for.

And although the contexts are different - it seems Viren knew saving Soren might sour his relationship with Lissa (and led to him coining Kpp'Ar) but there were no global stakes attached to it as far as he knew or could conceptualize. However, it does show the way he's fallen, particularly with S5 in mind (as in the dream 'flashbacks' he tells Soren what Claudia did in 2x09: "You're okay now. That's all that matters"). But here, it doesn't Matter at all.

Arc 1 Viren is a villain and an antagonist precisely because of three things.

He's willing to sacrifice other people, even people who trusted and followed him (his best friend's children, the human armies)

He's willing to sacrifice, manipulate, and selectively choose amongst his children (Soren and Claudia)

He cares too much about what he considers to be the Greater Good ("a bright future for humanity" / "his destiny will be the destruction of all of humanity") that he loses sight of who he wants it for (his children: "I would've asked you to choose the egg over my own life, if it came to it")

While Viren says much of this is for the greater good, it's also very clearly self-serving in his own quest for power ("You made the same choice you've always made: the one that gives you power"). And while Callum has pride, he does not have ego.

Because you have Callum. The revenge spell creates a dangerous weapon. He knows this, and has seen and fought against the harm it caused first hand. Claudia was faced with a similar choice in 2x07 ("If you must choose between Soren and egg, pick the egg") and even she hesitated. But Callum doesn't. He doesn't hesitate for a second to give Finnegrin what he wouldn't under torture and under principle, because "the second you see that elf girl in pain" ("the second it looks like you're in danger, I'm jumping in after you"), he loses himself.

Because Viren says, "I would do anything for you," and doesn't mean it, but Callum says, "I would do anything for you," and means it in its entirety.

While Callum and Viren have a lot of similarities, they will never be truly like each other because Callum will never be willing to sacrifice his loved ones in the same way. That is their core and most crucial difference.

However, that doesn't mean that - like Viren - Callum's core and choices cannot be exploited, and that the ones he makes will always work out for him, going into S6 in particular.

Because he loves his family. And that's it - and that's everything.

[moongothic]

There's like a part of me that realizes that I've written so much Crocodad Meta that at this point I should probably just compile and condence it all into like a giant Propaganda Post

'Cause like. Sure it's all still on my blog, but few people are going to go digging through all the crap I've posted in the past few months for all the Crocodad Evidence, so just showing it all into a single post would make for like. IDK something I could use to make a compelling argument for why Crocodad could be real

(Also it would be more like, Crocodad evidence you might find on a more meta/narrative level, like on-going themes and Oda's story telling tropes/habits etc. Other people have already made posts that breakdown and analyze Marineford and compile all the subtle details+easter eggs etc so I wouldn't even go into any of that. I mean SURE I could regurgitate all that info too but it'd be easier to just link to someone else's post instead and save myself some time lol)

But also.

Do I really want to spend an obscene amount of time making that post. Do I really want to do that.

[blujayonthewing]

[totalshockwaves]

As ryan ross fan in their mid20s gatekeeper ryan ross seems so funny because I feel us older fans are doing the opposite like we are ryan ross propaganda we will not let his legacy be forgotten

lol yeah the difference between these teen/really young and older fans is funny like older fans really have been out here like fucking ryro's witnesses; missionaries keeping his art alive lol (doing more promo for ryan than anyone else except maybe z lol)

tbf some of these people are "joking" but like..."many a true word is spoken in jest" and you can 100% tell when someone does like 20 posts in a row about having to gatekeep lol. it's pretty typical of teens to be pretentious and gatekeep-y lol (like teen ryan himself was towards pre-mainstream fob lol), so I can't be mad at them, but...dude was the lyricist and guitarist of one of the most popular bands of 2005 to 2009, and arguably one of, if not the most beloved member(s) lol sooooo...

[kuh-boose]

absolutely hilarious that people will have a god-awful take that insults (or in more serious cases, actively harms) other people just living their lives, get a polite and reasonable response, and then argue a completely seperate part of the response. and then get shitty. it's like a compulsion of the rude and unkind. like, baby, just admit you were being a dumbass and better yourself, you look stupid. I've seen toddlers with more critical reasoning and emotional intelligence.

[bloody-teared-angel]

Many people already said this but I'm gonna say it again.

SA, r*pe and a*use in *H*H* and *H*B* is treated as a joke or seriously, depending on who does it AND to who it is done to.

Moxxie, Vox and Sir Pentious are not the creators favorite - one of them is an antagonist - so on them, it is used as a joke.

Stolas, Angel Dust, Blitz and Loona are creators favorite - so it is treated seriously.

The biggest whiplash is in episode 4 - I'm beating a dead horse here - Angel Dust's situation is supposed to be taken seriously but then, in the same episode, a glass being thrown at Vox and him getting his phone destroyed is a funny, ha ha, joke.

No. Don't do that. You're giving the audience whiplash.

Then episode 6. Sir Pentious deserves better.

(So much for taking SA seriously, am I right?)

And no, there's no way you can defend this. Sir Pentious is dragged in while he screams 'No!' and claws on the ground.

Moxxie - we would be here the entire day.

Blitz and Loona can insult, a*use their coworkers/employees and it's all fun and games, little, ha ha, funny.

Verosika even ended up in rehab thanks to Blitz!

This is an incoherent mess, I know but this is me just getting things off my chest.

[cordeliawhohung]

Hi!!! i absolutely loovveeddd your simon drabble - maybe u could write a drabble ab mean teasing ghost making u get off on his thighs😭 haven’t been able to get that off my mind in the last couple of days KENFNSKWK THANK YOU

hi!!!! thank you so much! <3 (yall are seriously too sweet) once again (not to beat a dead horse or anything) but i just wanna reiterate that i am very much out of my depth here, but i really hope it's to your liking!

minors dni, thigh riding (obvi), small use of pet names, simon's having too much fun teasing, he's a little mean but still praising, def still a dick tho, slight banter (not proofread very well...)

Riding His Thigh

It starts on the couch in the living room. What was supposed to be a peaceful and quiet night in with a home cooked meal and a movie turned into wandering hands and needy mouths pressed together. You ended up in his lap like you normally do, legs spread apart to accommodate the wideness of his hips just to straddle him.

There was something different about this time, though. Simon's hands moved languid and soft along your sides, and you whined at the lack of want, the lack of force to his grip. You pull out of the kiss with a small pout, and your hands instantly slither down to the band of his jeans.

"Simon..." you whimper, the want evident in your voice as you tug at his zipper. "Fuck... need you so bad..."

That was supposed to be his queue, the green light, but instead he gently pushed your hands away before resting his own on your hips. Then he's pushing you back a little, forcing your leg to slip away from his hips and down towards his thighs where you're then stuck straddling one.

"Gonna need you to work a bit harder than that, sweetheart," he says, his voice laced with a dangerous promise that tells you that he means every word.

You want to argue, you want to pitch a fit and whine saying you can't wait, or that he's cruel for even suggesting such a thing, but then his grip on your hips tighten, and he slowly rocks you along his thigh. It sends a sharp jolting feeling up through your stomach that satisfies your insatiable need for him for only a moment before it washes away with a single breath. You know exactly what he's wanting, and though you're whining about it, you know you don't want to deny him.

Eventually you begin to move on your own, and despite the muted but delicious friction through the fabric of your shorts you stare at Simon with a look that tells him you're not happy about this one bit. He's too busy enjoying the show to mind, though. His hands stay firmly on your hips, refusing to aid you but feeling every single sway of your body.

"There we go," he coos as he relaxes further into the couch.

It's annoying how the baritone of his voice heats your core so hot it swelters. You want to call him names, let your frustrations be known, tell him you want him to fuck you properly. But it's like he can read your mind, and he bounces his leg over so slightly, ripping a sharp gasp from those pretty, pouting lips as the pressure increases and decreases on your clit all too suddenly.

You don't care anymore. You ride his thigh shamelessly, hands resting firmly against his shoulders as you do. Your own thighs tighten around him as you feel the wetness collect in the fabric of your underwear. A whiny moan erupts from you as you clench down around nothing, and despite your frustration you continue through it.

"C'mon," Simon urges gruffly. Suddenly he sits up straight, his grip on your flesh tightening as he now joins in helping you get off on his thigh. "Just once, yeah? Need you to cum for me and I'll give you what you want."

His lips are so close to yours you're nearly kissing but not quite. Every breath you breathe is pushed into his mouth, and you can feel the way his words feel on your skin.

"Just like that, c'mon love," he continues. "Cum for me and I'm all yours."

A few more desperate ruts and pathetic moans later and you're coming undone on his thigh. A small cry leaves your lips as your cunt pulses around absolutely nothing, and you bite into your lip as you slump forward, your forehead resting against his lips. The frustration builds in you again almost instantly as you know that orgasm would have felt ten times better had he stopped teasing and gave you his cock.

"Fuckin' perfect," Simon praises, but his hands don't stop moving. Your poor, overstimulated clit endures more of his teasing as his firm grip forces your body to rock against him once more. He chuckles when you whine. "What? Too much for you?" he teases.

"Fuck you," you bite, but your words quickly fall away as he bounces his knee once more.

"That's the point, isn't it?"

master list and tag lists can be found here!

[olderthannetfic]

I am most definitely beating a dead horse with this ask, but I gotta say something cause it's just boiling up inside my chest right now.

We all don't really like the the author for Heartstopper because she put down Asian BL and it's "Bad kinky feithisatization" and basically saying her Western work is pure and non fetishy (Fucking shoot me.)

And it just reminded of an author who did that several years back, definitely to a lesser degree though. They still did it and I remember I stopped reading it because it felt so fuckin performative and it left such a bad fucking taste in my mouth.

Author of the Webtoon Castle Swimmer had a chapter come out maybe between 2021-2022 where the main character (they are guys, they are gay for each other) saw each other again after they were apart for quite some time. When they reunited, there was as scene of them kissing and it getting juuuuuust a tiny bit spicy, not much though. It was cute, it was nice.

I go down to the comments where authors can put notes down for the webtoons and the author had written something along the lines of how the story isn't gonna be icky sexual and there is going to be no fetishy bullshit when it comes to the two main characters and fucking blah blah blah and basically implying that other webtoons that do turn sexual with it's gaybies are impure scum.

Don't know if they still feel like that

But my question is - why the fuck do these supposed queer authors or authors that make queer content always trying to save face and say that their content is better than that "icky shit",

Like fuck, Castle Swimmer has pretty decent rep in its story, but I can't seem to enjoy it when I feel as if its just their as a "HEY LOOK AT MY STORY IT HAS THE RIGHTS THINGS TO LIKE"

and unfortunately that's how I feel with most lgbtq webtoons, books, etc. Idk maybe I'm just cynical and tired or maybe they just suck at writing and incorporating queer themes and characters - I have no idea.

This probably could be worderd a lot better to bring more nuance to the table, but I am so upset at Castle Swimmer because I like it a lot, I just can't past the bullshit.

--

Rest assured that the desire to shoot oneself in the foot is not restricted to authors of queer works.

"My version of this genre is so much better" is a common malady among all sorts of creators.

This particular flavor has a little more stupidass purity culture and sucking up to the mainstream, but it's not so different from the many flavors of "There's no good ___ fic, so I'm going to write some!" and "I, a ~literary~ author, know how to write genre fiction better than you hacks!"

[chilewithcarnage]

really really sucks that kanye is misogynoiristic antisemitic tool because he (WAS) actually as talented as he thinks he is. I'm not gonna even mention the old kanye meme thing cause thats not beating a dead horse anymore that's bashing the bones into powder at this point but like. yeah god college dropout late registration and graduation unfortunately baked itself into child mind from constant listens that my older brother downloaded on the family desktop and the memories of me listening to whilst watching the hypnotic windows media player animations. we don't care spaceship jesus walks and never let me down are like legit modern negro spirituals to me but idk idk

[ranbling]

So, i'm not really trying to start an argument or anything, but I hate seeing the narrative that Hen and Chimney are friends with Tommy when nothing in canon supports this claim

I'm not really gonna get into all the racist and misogynistic things that happened during the Begins episodes ('cause I've already made posts about it and it would be just beating the dead horse), I am gonna use later episodes to prove my point

only thing I want to bring up from Hen Begins that Chimney talks about how after like 3-5 years of working there, still nobody will invite him out for drinks or BBQ. In Bobby Begins, we see them going out for drinks, but honestly that's not going out for a drink with friends, that's purely a work function. That is a "get to know our captain in a informal enviroment" event, basically work. Using that as a "proof" that they're friends is not really a gotcha moment

Chimney talks with Tommy briefly in s2, but only because dispatch is down and he needs to get help to the 118. Again, it's nothing friendly, it's an interaction between coworkers.

In s3ep16 when talking about past-coworkers, Hen says "I wouldn't call some of them friends" and implies she doesn't keep contact with any of them, and Chimney is like "I talked with Tommy last year, but was only asking for a favour" so again... not friends.

In s7 it's clear that Hen is not happy to see Tommy in the harbour and she was hoping for Lucy (her name is on the form). Tommy is only part of the bachelor party and the wedding 'cause Buck invited him, not Chimney. We don't see Tommy reaching out to Hen or Chimney anytime during s7 (and neither do they). Hen is actually quite distrustfull towards him during the deleted scene

Chim and Hen might've forgiven him for his racist/misogynistic actions (but i believe they decided it's better to just get along with the guy who runs into fires alongside them), but they're clearly not friends with him.

[fernsnailz]

i'm sure that you get asks like this a lot so i apologize if i'm beating a dead horse to the ground LOL but for someone who owns an online shop, do you have any tips for beginners just starting off / looking into starting one? not really asking for anything specific, but just rather anything you'd be willing to share based off your experience...!

OOF okay so there's quite a lot that goes into running an online shop, so best general advice i can give is to do your research! there's a lot to an art shop that you need to consider and understand before running into things. sometimes it's a bit hard to figure out where to start your research though, so here are the biggest things i think you should look into first:

manufacturing your stuff: some artists hand make merch at home, but if you don't have the means to do that then you'll need to find places that can manufacture your designs for you. like if you're making stickers, look into custom sticker printing sites like StickerApp or Sticky Brand. a lot of manufacturers will have sample packs you can order for free to get a better idea of what their items are like.

shop hosting websites: figuring out where to actually host your shop and sell your art is very important - my shop is through Big Cartel which i really like, but isn't for everyone. other shop hosting sites include Shopify and Etsy, and Shopify is sorta similar to BigCartel from what i know? Etsy is very different, selling through Etsy means your stuff will be easier for people to find through the Etsy search function (BigCartel and Shopify don't have this, any traffic you get will have to come from off-site and you'll have to advertise the shit outta it). HOWEVER Etsy has some pretty bad practices when it comes to how they treat the artists that sell on there. most people i know that use/used Etsy have been burned by them in some way, so be warned.

money stuff (accounting, budgeting, taxes): LEARN HOW TO MAKE SPREADSHEETS!! spreadsheets with just a few simple addition/subtraction formulas will be a huge help when it comes to budgeting and keeping track of your expenses - and you'll need to keep track of ALL your expenses! taxes can also be tricky, most shop hosting websites will collect sales tax for you but do some research on what freelance/small business taxes look like in your country.

shipping: the two main aspects to shipping are your shipping supplies and shipping labels. you'll want to find mailers that fit and protect whatever art you're selling, and tbh the best way i figured this out was from buying from other artists and seeing how they packaged their stuff! shipping labels are their own beast - some sites like Etsy will make them for you, but not BigCartel. i use a site called Pirate Ship to import BigCartel orders and buy shipping labels for them.

thats about all i got for now, running an online art shop is very hard not gonna lie!! but it's very fun and rewarding to make your own funny items :] best of luck to ya!!

[beanghostprincess]

Not to keep beating a dead horse so to speak, but circling back to how the anime handles the Shuggy breakup it is personally the first time I've fully understood people who say the manga is way better & the "true" story because on the whole I think the anime is a really good adaption....except for this omg. I haven't read the manga fully either yet so now I'm wondering what else got a totally different vibe than intended & how that colors the perception of the story & characters. For instance, I'm already seeing anime onlys completely misinterpret Buggy's feelings in the shuggy breakup probably because of how brief it was.

I've had arguments in comments sections about people who do not think Buggy wanted to be Pirate King himself & his anger with Shanks isn't tied to him secretly sacrificing his OWN dream to follow him. To me the manga made it very clear that Buggy was making a great personal sacrifice in order to stay with his friend & how that all ties into his own insecurities, but a ton of anime onlys only saw it as Buggy being a whiny baby & not realizing how deep of a conflict Shanks refusing to look for the One Piece was for them 😭 and it's so frustrating! They just think Buggy is being "ungrateful" for everything Shanks did for him. I'm tired of the Shuggy dynamic being viewed so one sidedly in Shanks's favor & Buggy's detriment because they both narratively hold equal amounts of significance to each other. We just haven't been allowed to explore Shanks's side of it...yet. Oda kept Shanks's face obscured for a reason I'm sure.

And since the anime didn't frame it correctly Buggy's speech to Cross Guild about reigniting your dreams & setting sail for Laugh Tale loses all seriousness & comes off as just another gag instead & it breaks my heart because in the Manga while there is humor in it Buggy's tears are REAL & you can literally feel the spirit of One Piece flow through his speech. That speech shows us Buggy is a TRUE pirate! He ALSO inhereted Roger's will! I could literally feel the "I'm gunna become king of the pirates" OST from the anime play as I read it, but the anime framed it like another one of Buggy's "upward fialures" 💔 and it breaks my heart anime onlys don't get that. Imagine if Luffy gave up on his dream & finally after 30 years decided to believe in himself again? Imagine If Usopp really did give up in Water 7 & we didn't see him find the will to believe in himself until 39 years later? Buggy is an example of forgotten dreams & a lesson on it never being too late to go after them.

So I completely agree with you that it doesn't matter how little panel time a moment gets because if Oda can convey all of THAT in like 3 panels then the anime can do so and then some in a minute or 2. I also can't help but think this will confuse viewers later on because I'm certain Buggy is going to get to do some really cool & meaningful stuff in the last arc & a lot of them will feel blindsided because the set up was executed weirdly.

Sorry for sending such a long post & feel free to ignore If ur tired of discussing this I just wanted to give you some validation &let you know you're not the only one who thinks this way. Adaptation has a lot more going into it than just copying manga panels & the a good anime should definitely know when to expand on brief scenes & how to set the correct mood for them.

Oh, please, if it's not a negative ask you can keep sending me stuff about the episode and the breakup all you want!!! I'm just tired of having to defend my opinion. As if it wasn't just that, an opinion. But I'm sooo open to talk about it!!

And you're right!!! It bothers me so much to just think about how Anime Onlys are going to perceive this episode... If Buggy is already misunderstood within the fandom, I can't imagine what's gonna happen now that HIS episode has gotten this awful pacing and explanation (I complain but I've watched the episode so many times already lmao)

People misunderstand their relationship so much and in such levels... I don't get it because it's literally right there. You can't miss it. They're canonically crucial for each other no matter how you see it. It IS mutual whatever they have going on. I know we don't have much of Shanks' POV but you don't even have to read between the lines to see it.

And Buggy being seen as whiny because he has... Feelings... And is emotional... After his whole life crumbles down... Idk about you but if I lived in my best friend's shadow for years and gave up on my dream to trust in his instead, and suddenly when our captain dies he says he won't follow it... I'd be pretty fucking emotional too tbh. I could defend Buggy all day long and explain his character, but I believe I've done that already... So many times... (I love it it's my favorite thing ever)

I love your comparisons to other characters giving up on their dreams because it's so real. Buggy is the representation of people who once gave up on their dream and now are getting the courage back to follow it again. His speech is so emotional I think I know it by heart at this point with how many times I've read this chapter. I always cry-- Every time-- And I'm sooo angry Toei made the episode for laughs basically. It frustrates me in unimaginable ways.

Buggy is gonna do something incredible and people will complain and say it was out of nowhere because his speech in the Anime seems for jokes and like one of his schemes to get away from his problems. But this man was literally having a breakdown in the middle of a torture session and made an impulsive, emotional decision that came from the depths of his heart, because he had been holding onto it for his whole life. That's what bothers me about the animation. The pacing is bad and the way they treat him is even worse...

Don't apologize!!!!! I loved reading this. You expressed yourself sooo well and in such a polite way!!! Basically, you wrote everything I thought about the episode and I'm so glad to finally talk to someone with my same views 😭💖💖

[p0ssywhippedcream]

hey girlypop!! glad you're better now!!!! could you pretty please write a percy jackson angst where he keeps choosing annabeth over the reader (she's his ex) and at one point he calls you pathetic and a bitch when you're arguing over her so you just run away crying?? not like a toxic relationship, just that he's in love with her while being with you! ty my love xox

baby love, I hate to break this to you but this is toxic. if you've ever been through this irl or are going through it, get the fuck out of that situation because you deserve so much better. I'm gonna change a few things cause it seems a little OOC but I will write it, just like promise me you understand that this is fictional and if somebody ever does this to you, you block them, call a friend and cry until you don't need to.

"Percy, just listen to me!"

He whirls around, his frustrated pacing bringing him close enough you can smell saltwater. "I am! It's ridiculous! You expect me to just be over her?"

"Yes!' You cry, throwing your hands down, "Because you're with me now and it's not fair that you're just now telling me that maybe you still have feelings for her!"

"I was with her for three years, y/n! You know what we went through together, she was my whole life."

Your energy is draining fast, you've been going in circles for hours now. "Perce, it's been a year. I understand that she meant a lot to you but romantically, that's over and I'm supposed to be the one you feel this way for!"

"Well how can I, y/n? You're not her." His face is flushed, eyes frantic and lips trembling with a rage that shakes the pipes of his apartment.

The air is electric, emotions bouncing around like molecules fighting for space. Like you, fighting for a space that's not yours, never yours. A space with someone else's name on it.

"And I thought that was okay." So many things want to come out of you, you want to beat on his chest with closed fists until he understands the pain beating inside yours. " I thought that I could mean to you what she did."

Percy rolls his eyes and huffs, turning his back on you as he resumes pacing. "You could never take what she means to me."

You wanted to say that's not what you were trying to do but really, how can you. You wanted to be a part of his life the way Annabeth was, you wanted to paint your name on her place and be what he needed, what keeps him going. You wanted to compare to the girl he went to hell and back for, you wanted to matter just barely a fraction what she did.

"I can never matter to you the way she does, can I?" Your voice is horse and tired and you just need one last confirmation. One last chance is handed his way, thrown into crashing waves like a prayer on a dead man's tongue.

The ocean swallows your hope, the storm is silent as the anger rages on around you. You stand in the eye, driftwood raft held together with half-baked compliments and forgotten I love yous.

"You're just not Annabeth." And it's the way he says her name that splits your makeshift boat straight in two. He says it like she carried each bucket of water from heaven and filled the sea, pouring every pinch of salt herself. She created the marine life from kisses and stars and designed them to make him happiest, she mans the lighthouse for lost sailors. She floats on a yacht in calmer waters as you go under, wondering why you left shore for an empty promise.

"Okay." You're drowning, the current much too strong. No matter how hard you fight, the sea was never going to forgive you for the sin of trusting it.

You're gone, fish food to him. You've left and you've walked and you're never going back to the apartment you loved in. He's sat down, head in his hands thinking of the one girl who survived his hurricane. He picks up the phone and she picks up on the second ring.

"Annabeth, hey."

[ryin-silverfish]

JTTW Discord Summer Contest Entry: South Seas Sojourn

AO3 Mirror

-In collaboration with the amazing @ejaysstuff, who did the art!

-I'd say "This is mostly me nerding out about folklore", except that sums up all my recent one-shots.

-An LMK fanfic about Wukong going on a vacation, set between S3 and S4. 

---

"I'm going on a vacation!"

Before anyone in the noodle shop could let out a groan or a cry of "Again?!", Sun Wukong immediately added, "And you are coming too, MK. I ain't leaving my disciple out of the fun, not after, well, everything."

"But it's okay to leave me out of the fun?" Mei sulked, as she tried to make the tea inside her cup rise up, yet only created a little ripple. 

"Hey, I'm not the one who signed you up for that internship at your uncle's place." Sun Wukong said. "But maybe we can drop by once we are done! Take a break from the heat in the cool air of the North Sea."

"Yeah, the nice, cool, sub-zero-degree air of the arctic zone..." Mei sighed. "Don't wanna beat on that dead horse, but I'm so, so sick of icy stuff."

"Aw, bummers. Guess you won't be a fan of my new tea recipe, then." Sandy poked his head out from inside the kitchen. MK could hear ice cubes clinking inside a glass, and so did Mei, since she perked up within seconds and looked like she was on the verge of backflipping over the counter.

"Sandy, Sandy my man, I'll never not be a fan of your tea recipe!" 

"Uh, where are we even going?" MK asked, in between the sound of icy lemon tea being slurped through a twisty straw. "Don't get me wrong, I'm super duper up to it! But Mr. Tang had been complaining non-stop on MeChat about Pigsy's decision to drag him to Chang'e's virtual concert during summer break, where every major tourist spot is packed with kids. I hope we are going somewhere...quieter, that's all."

"Oh, no worries. It won't be deserted, but it ain't gonna be nearly as crowded." Sun Wukong paused, striking a pose. "We are going to the South Seas, bud!"

"...Where?" MK and Mei asked in unison, drowning out Sandy's faint "Wait, like, Guanyin's place?".

"Out south. In the oceans. Duh." 

"That explains nothi——"

"And no, my big blue friend, I won't be knocking on her doors at Potaloka unless someone needs saving! She's gonna be real busy in the next few weeks anyways." Sun Wukong continued. "For you less geographically gifted kids: it's where Lion City and Betel City are. Ring any bells?"

Mei made an "Oooo" noise. "You mean the place with the mermaid lion? Man, I was so disappointed when I found out it wasn't a real critter working for the South Sea Dragons." 

"I still have no idea what you are talking about!" 

"Ah well, MK, you'll be finding out soon enough." Sun Wukong said. "So go give your Dadsy a holler, and start packing up! We'll be leaving next week or the week after that, depending on when Nezha gets off work." A pause. "Yeah, he's coming too."

...

"We aren't really going on a vacation, are we?" MK asked, as he dragged his luggage up the creaky wooden walkway near the Megapolis harbor beach. 

Dangit, who knew that mosquito repellent and sunscreen could weigh so much? (Tang and Pigsy were very adamant about the importance of taking enough of these, once they heard the news over MeChat.)

"What makes you think that?" Sun Wukong replied, swishing his tail at the daring seagulls who kept trying to peck it. 

"Well, last time you said you were going on a vacation, you weren't really telling the truth." MK let out a nervous chuckle. "And Nezha's coming too. I don't know him all that well, but he doesn't sound like the kind of guy who'll, uh, join in on the fun just because?"

"Yeah. Sorry again, MK," he sighed. "But you are half-right. It's not a complete vacation, and more of a vacation-slash-summer school, slash-free exposure therapy..."

"What was that last part?"

"Nothing!" Sun Wukong exclaimed cheerfully. "Basically, you are gonna learn how to be a god, MK."

"I——WHAT?!"

"Relax, bud! It's not as serious as you think." A pause. "How do I put it...hmm, it's like being a hero, but more down-to-earth. Where, instead of people asking you to save them from big bad demons, they are asking you to solve their personal problems."

"Like?"

"Win lottery tickets. And discipline their kids for them."

"Speak for yourself."  

A familiar voice echoed through the evening air. The next second, in a blaze of pink fire, the Third Lotus Prince was standing tall on his wheels, his sash flowing in the wind. 

"Oooh, what did I just hear? Good ol' Brother Nezha, Electro-Techno Third Prince, The Other God You Go To For Lottery Tickets, acting all uppity and serious!" Sun Wukong stuck his tongue out at the new arrival. "Nice entrance, by the way. Very flashy." 

"You know very well I don't answer every desperate addict who doesn't know when to quit, nor do I play games of chance for fun! I play them to win!" Nezha retorted. "Also, thanks for the compliment, Great Sage."

"You are welcome, Laodi."

"Are we really going on a vacation to...help people gamble?" MK nervously raised a hand. "Isn't that, like, against the law?"

"Goodness, what have you been telling your disciple before my arrival? No, what have you left out?" Nezha groaned. "Well, since your mentor clearly hasn't explained our goals properly, I suppose I'll have to substitute for him. Again."

"Hey! Professor Sun is getting to it, Teaching Assistant Nezha——"

"In the next week, we shall be visiting and staying in multiple cities of the South Seas. Now that my true body isn't guarding the Samadhi Fire, I can finally start answering the more tricky prayers," Nezha sighed, "Which will only continue to pile up, since the Seventh Month is imminent."

"Seventh Month?" MK asked, reaching into his pocket with one hand. "But it's August the third already! Lemme check the calendar again..."

"Lunar Seventh Month. Also known as the Ghost Month." Nezha shot a look at Sun Wukong, his expression a mix between annoyance and slight concern. "Someone has picked a great time and place to take his student on a trip."

"What could I say? It sure is less depressing than Qingming nowadays. And they won't fine you for burning paper effigies in the South Seas, or so I've heard!"

"I…no matter." Nezha's look softened a bit, but not by much. "Back to what I was saying. Once the gates of the Underworld open, all the spirits will come out, go visit their families, enjoy the offerings as much as they can under the watch of Dashi Ye, Lady Guanyin's ghostly manifestation."

"We'll be assisting him, much like my brother and all the local gods. Keeping order, giving directions, and all that. In between these shifts, I’ll finally get to perform my duties in my actual physical body instead of the youthful manifestations mortals expect to see, and your mentor is free to monkey around with you and his worshippers at his own temples. All clear?"

"So we are gonna be, like, tour guides and security, but for dead people?" MK asked. "That doesn't…sound too bad, actually! Also, you have a brother, Nezha?"

"No, I pop out of a rock, just like your master." Nezha said flatly, then added, "Goodness, I wish. Muzha can be a bit much, but he's a lot more bearable while on the job, so no worries."

"Someone's getting jealous again, I see," Sun Wukong reached over to pat him on the head, and received an annoyed glare. "Oh, and don't let Nezha's sour attitude fool you, MK. We are still on a vacation, it ain't gonna be all work and no play! And the work won't start until several days later, so we'll have plenty of time."

…

This didn't seem like a great start for our vacation, MK thought. 

Okay, it did, for about three minutes, after they got off the somersault cloud. 

The palm trees were swaying in the wind, the two-story buildings with red-tiled roofs were glowing under the tropical sun, and Nezha reluctantly glamoured a lotus-patterned T-shirt and some baggy pants over his armor after rejecting Sun Wukong's more outlandish suggestions ("You should totally change your wheels into flaming flip-flops!"). Not a single dangerous, vacation-ruining, world-destroying threat in sight.

Then a giant rain cloud appeared out of nowhere, driving most of the crowd indoors and leaving the unfortunate ones seeking shelter under the nearest rooftops and bus stations. 

Not that it helped much——MK felt like he was standing behind the waterfall at Flower Fruit Mountain again, as raindrops slammed into the ground with a fury and created splashes of watery mists.

"Okay, Nezha, Did you anger the local dragons again?" Sun Wukong asked, holding the monkey-hair-turned-umbrella over MK's head.

"Nonsense! Not even the East Sea ones hold a grudge for this long, and I've never seen a South Sea dragon other than their king," Nezha said, then added, "and my brother's co-worker. Are you sure you have a temple nearby?"

"Eh, maybe. I saw a bunch of faith beacons up there, all clustered together." Sun Wukong shrugged. "Some of these have to be mine."

"Have to be yours? Oh, that's rich, coming from someone who hasn't visited the South Seas in person since the 19th century——"

"And they still love me, bud. Deal with it."

"Um, what's a faith beacon?" MK wiped the water droplets off his phone screen with one thumb, trying and failing to steer his luggage away from the puddles. "I'm not seeing any on CloudMap."

"Well, you won't, unless you are a patron god of IT workers or some other technology-related stuff!" Sun Wukong said. "How do I put it, hmmm…after people have prayed to you for a while, offered enough incense, you can just sense the places they are doing it at. Usually, it looks like a beam or a glowy aura, but some gods can smell or hear it too."

"Wow, that's so cool! It's like a mystical VR goggle. Is it something you can learn, though?"

"Look, I'm glad that you are doing your job as a mentor, but can we please get some actual directions?" Nezha sighed. "Temples here aren't always their own separate buildings. I've been summoned inside too many HDB flats to count, and you won't know that by looking at the beacons alone."

"We are heading in that direction right now. It'll get clearer once I get closer to the place. So be patient, will ya'?"

"Well, isn't that just the most reassuring answer I've ever heard. 'We'll get there when we get there'." Nezha muttered, as the group took a turn into a narrow side street, ducking below the swaying lanterns and multilingual shop signs. "Just so you know, if the rain doesn't stop and we don't get there in two hours, I'm dragging both of you onto a bus and to my temple instead."

"Why, you three sound like you are lost! Need a tour guide?"

Abruptly, a high-pitched, child-like voice resounded through the torrential rain, coming out of the alleyway to their left. MK turned to look at the speaker—

—and stared straight into the lifeless glowing eyes of a chalk-faced monstrosity, its red tongue hanging out of its mouth.

With a scream, his staff was out, and in a split second, connected with the thing's head and sent it flying into the nearest wall. It slid off the yellowed concrete, landed with a splash, then went completely still. 

A spiderweb crack was spreading across its porcelain mask——Oh goodness, it's a puppet, which was somehow even worse.

"Ah. The answer is 'No', it seems."

He nearly extended the staff and hit the puppet again when it spoke, had Sun Wukong not dashed forth and, in one swift motion, dragged a pale specter out of it by the robe collar.

"Glad to see you again, Xiao Xie!" He grinned in a rather dangerous way, like what Mr. Tang said non-intelligent monkeys really meant when they bore their teeth. "Is there any particular reason why you are jumpscaring my student in broad daylight, or do you just have nothing better to do?"

"Yes, because this one knows it will happen!" The specter, still in Sun Wukong's grip, said in a cheerfully oblivious voice. “The vision caught this one by surprise too. It's not every day that you see the Great Sage's golden staff approaching your face at lethal speed, especially when you have done nothing to offend him. Good thing this one did not come in his contractor's body!"

Behind them, Nezha let out a groan. "Oh joy, it's these two clowns again."

"W-W-What the heck just happened?! And what's THAT?" MK pointed at the specter. Outside of that creepy puppet, it just looked like a lanky, unnaturally pale youth in an oversized mandarin jacket and a tall hat.

Before Nezha could answer, another sullen voice cut him off.

"You knew you'd get smacked in the face if you came, so naturally, you possessed the creepiest vessel you could find and headed straight in this direction." The air suddenly got a lot colder. "I don't need precognition to know you deserve to be smacked at this point."

The water in a nearby puddle rippled. Okay, technically, it never stopped rippling because of the rain, but this one was a lot bigger, as if something was about to crawl out.

MK took a step back. Seconds later, the murky water turned inky black, rising up into the air and coalescing into the form of a short, stern-faced kid, wearing the same clothings as the pale specter, except they were all black-colored.

"Darn right, Lao—" Sun Wukong paused, as he turned and took a closer look at the newcomer. "Xiao Fan? Huh, didn't expect to see this you here. Not that I'm complaining."

"I'm absolutely complaining." The kid replied. "Our main souls have been attending one meeting after another at Fengdu since the Ivory Lady Incident, which is why I'm currently on," He shot a pointed look at his ghostly companion, "babysitting duty. You gonna smack him or not? Cause I won't mind if you do, Great Sage."

"Aww, really, Xiao Fan? You, of all people, should know that everything this one sees will happen, even if he doesn't know how or why. Since trying to avoid a future is the best way to unknowingly make it come true, this one can only try to soften the impacts and minimize the risks."

"By making sure you would, one-hundred-percent, get hit in the face by someone?" Fan snorted. "Way to go, brother."

"By making sure that staff wasn't slamming into this one's soul, or a flesh-and-blood vessel!" Xie replied. "And the mission is a success! Only a single puppet is harmed."

Nezha threw his hands up in the air. "How did you manage to be even more annoying and nonsensical than your main soul?"

"Welcome to my fucking un-life." Fan mumbled.

"Um, hello?" MK waved awkwardly. "Have you guys suddenly started speaking in some sort of secret code mid-conversation, cause I don't understand a single word you just said."

"Gosh! Sorry, bud," Sun Wukong finally let go of Xie's collars (now that MK thought about it, how did you even grab a ghost's collars? Mystic Monkey Magic at play again?) "Get a bit carried away there."

He pointed at the two specters. "Meet the Heibai Wuchang. The ghost cops, or rather, parts of them. Remember your hair clones? Xiao Xie and Xiao Fan here are kinda like that, but with their souls."

"T-The ghost cops?" MK squirmed. The downpour had become a light drizzle, but he still felt chilly, and it wasn't because his T-shirt sleeves and socks were now soaked. "Like…the ones you see when you are about to die?"

"Don't worry, bud! They aren't here to take any of us away. I think." Sun Wukong narrowed his eyes slightly, "and even if they were, I'd like to see them try."

"Nah. Not a chance. This one still values his un-life—"

"Yeah? Then apologizing to my student and stop wandering around in that thing will be a good start!"

"—so yes, he is very sorry for the distress he caused, young one. The 'wandering around in possessed objects' part, though, is perfectly legal, and this one still has to take the puppet back to his temple, so sorry, no can do."

"You have a temple now?" Sun Wukong let out a chuckle of disbelief. "You two?"

"You really haven't been around here in a while, have you, Great Sage?" Nezha said. "Yes, unfortunately. It's a new South Seas trend, and I hope it stays where it is."

"Our main altar here is still inside the City God's temple. But there are more temples dedicated to us alone, across the strait." Fan said. "And I'm obligated to inform you that all deities who visit the South Seas in their true bodies instead of using clones or astral projections must notify the local City God's temple beforehand, or submit the relevant paperwork immediately after arrival."

"Hmm, and if I don't?" Sun Wukong raised an eyebrow. "What are you gonna do?"

"Other than following you around and staring at you judgmentally? Nothing substantial." Fan said, before sighing deeply. "But if you can at least pretend to respect us and not treat Underworld officials like the complete pushovers we are, we'd really appreciate it."

Sun Wukong hollered at that. "Y'know what? I think I'll do just that, since this you are a lot cuter and not a raging jerk!"

"You know my main soul can hear you, right?"

"Exactly." Sun Wukong grinned. Unlike a few minutes ago, it was a lot less tense. "So lead the way, Xiao Fan!"

…

When MK heard the whole…ghost temple thing, he was expecting skeletons, eerie lighting, spooky stuff.

Okay, some of the statues and puppets were still creepy. Same for the possessions. 

Sure, the ghost cops had explained that they had human "contractors" who'd let them possess their bodies willingly, after signing a lengthy form where all the risks and duties are spelled out clearly.

But when he thought of possessions, the only images that came to mind was LBD's host, shaking like she was in the middle of winter again despite sitting inside the safe, cozy confines of Pigsy's Noodles. And Sun Wukong's golden eyes glowing frost blue, devoid of all warmth and emotions.

Well, better get used to it now. Gonna see a lot more ghosts once the…summer school part of the vacation-slash-summer school starts.

MK took a deep breath and began to make his way back through the corridors, a small incense burner in hand. The exterior of the temple was dated and slightly out of place, sitting beneath towering skyscrapers and surrounded by neatly trimmed park lawn.

Past the main hall and the altar room behind it, however, the place could be mistaken for any modern office building. Or the background of a Monkey Cop episode, except the cops were all ghosts and the monkey was filling in the divine equivalent of a customs form.

"There, done." Sun Wukong said, putting the pen down, "Right in the nick of time! For real, though, couldn't you ghosts just burn the paperwork together with the rest of the effigies?"

"And get them stuck beneath a mountain of sports cars, or whatever insane vehicles people decide to send to their ancestors nowadays? No thanks." 

As he handed the incense burner over to Sun Wukong, who crumpled the form into a ball and tossed it inside, MK caught a glimpse of a dark blue aura, enveloping the handle of the back door before it opened on its own. Two more uniformed ghosts hovered in, telekinetically carrying multiple pitched paper objects.

"Speak of the devil…" Fan turned towards his partner, who was leaning leisurely against a wall. "This year's bunch are already coming in, and if you bothered working with a contractor today, you better put that physical body to good use and start helping!"

"Alright, alright, This one hears you." Xie yawned, then walked over and grabbed the floating effigies. "Hmmm, no helicopters or private jets this year? That's a bit disappointing."

"Well, Mr. Chow sent a pretty big table, boss. We don't think it's gonna fit through the backdoor, so we left it in the park pavilion."

"Excuse me?" MK perked up. At last, a chance to do something instead of just standing there and watching awkwardly. "Do you need something resized? Cause I have just the power for that!"

…

"Y'know, I was wondering what's so special about a table," Sun Wukong poked his head out from behind the door frame, trying very hard to suppress the giggles, "or why they'd make a live-sized one in the first place. Now I get it." 

"Kudos for dedication, I guess?" MK shrugged. "I'm sure their loved ones would, uh, appreciate the gift down there."

With a snap of his fingers, the paper Mahjong table returned to its original size, drastically reducing the remaining space inside the storage room. 

Yeah, the "craft" part of "Arts & Crafts" wasn't really his strong suit, but a piece this detailed and lovingly crafted? It probably took weeks to make. And cost more than an actual Mahjong table.

"Are you two done admiring the beauty of that absurd object? Can we please leave and go somewhere else now?" Nezha's muffled complaint came from the corridors. “It's raining outside again, and if we don't hurry——"

"Even if you do hurry, this one doubts you will be able to get any further than the bus stop, in the two minutes it shall take for the drizzle to become a downpour once more." Xie said, then tossed the last stack of golden joss paper into the storage room.

"Great! Wonderful! Yeah, I'm just looking forward to spending more time with you and your clowns-in-training." Nezha snarked. "How will we ever get anywhere in life without your nifty short-term prophecies?"

"Hey hey, Nezha, chill out. A dash of salt is good n' all, but you are getting spicy over there." Sun Wukong said. "But, speaking of ways to pass the time during a rainy day…"

There was a mischievous glint in his eyes, as he turned to look at Xie. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Judging by what this one just saw? Yes."

"Great! Come here, bud, I have something that will make our stay a lot less boring."

Sun Wukong beckoned MK over, back into the big guest room, then pulled out a tuft of hair. Seconds later, an actual Mahjong table landed squarely on the floor with a thud, complete with chairs and Mahjong sets, followed by an "Ohoho, lovely!" and two simultaneous shouts.

"Seriously? Don't set a bad example for your student!"

"Don't you dare corrupt our guests, Xiao Xie!"

"Please, this one is just joining in on the fun. Our guests have no problem 'corrupting' themselves, so to speak!"

"Oh, c'mon, it's not gambling if you aren't betting actual money!” Sun Wukong exclaimed. "It's like poker, but…for old people. Right, MK?"

"Um, one problem: I don't know how to play Mahjong! Or poker!" MK said, scratching his head. "The only card game I know is Uno."

"Great! You can just learn it on the fly, then, under the watchful eyes of Professor Sun and Teaching Assistant Nezha!"

"No way, Great Sage. I'm not helping you lure your student astray into a potential lifetime of wasted hours and petty vices."

"Really?" Sun Wukong flashed a taunting smile. "I bet you only said that 'cause you don't wanna lose too badly to me. Again."

"Oh, you take that back right now, monkey!" Nezha jabbed a finger at him. "If we were back in the old days and in a gambling house, you'd be going home in nothing but your undershirt and breeches by the end of the day!"

MK did not miss the implication that, at some point in the past, these two had indeed been to an actual gambling house.

"A bold challenge if I've ever heard one!" Sun Wukong's grin widened. "Or is your bark worse than your bite? Brag all you like, but the only way to prove it is to get on the table yourself."

"I——Screw this, I'm in," Nezha took a deep breath, “But only because it will be quite satisfying, kicking the collective behinds of the two most annoying gods I've ever met." A glare at Sun Wukong, then, at Xie. "So. Get. Ready."

"That's the Third Prince I know!" Sun Wukong gave him a thumbs-up. "Bring it on, lad!"

MK gulped. "Yeah, sorry, I think I'm just gonna watch you guys play first. Get a feel of the game before jumping in. Is that alright?"

"No prob. Though this did put us in the most classic bind in the entire history of Mahjong…" Sun Wukong paused dramatically. "The 'Short of a Fourth' problem."

"That won't be me." Fan immediately said, before walking through the nearest wall. "Still have a job to do." He turned, poking his head out of the wall once more. "But by all means, teach Xiao Xie a lesson for me."

"Ah well." Sun Wukong shrugged, reaching towards his head. "Guess this calls for my clone——"

"No!" Nezha smacked his hand away. "That's just blatant cheating!"

"But literal future vision isn't?"

"Hey, it's not like this one can turn it off." Xie protested. He looked like he wanted to say something else, before Sun Wukong stood up, dashing out of the door and towards the altar room. 

"Guys! We are one person short of a Mahjong game here!" A pause. "Niang Niang? Ah Pek? Datuk? Hello? Anyone up to it?"

"...What's he doing?"

"The divine equivalent of spamming telephone calls." Nezha rolled his eyes. "Yelling into the ears of every deity's idol he can find, and hoping for a response."

"For your knowledge, we have a three-people variant of the game here," Xie added, unhelpfully.

…

Way after Sun Wukong had returned, sulking a little but soon jumped right into arguing with Nezha, MK heard a chime. 

Like someone had just dropped a bunch of coins onto a marble floor, but…louder. Okay, he wasn't too sure about that last part, because if the others heard it too, they did not react to the noise at all.

"It's still not gambling! Just a way to keep the score, yanno?" Sun Wukong continued, tossing a tangerine back and forth between his hands——one he probably pinched from a random altar table on his way back. "Also, the game will be pretty boring if you aren't winning something."

"That's the very definition of gambling." Nezha said, with a deadpan expression. "Wagering money or other stakes in a game of chance."

"It's only a stake if it's something of value, and outside of sentimental ones, these offerings have none." Sun Wukong turned to Xie. "Otherwise you won't give them away to folks for free before they spoil, right?"

"Indeed, for we've already eaten them." 

MK squinted at the fruit; not a single bite mark or patch of peeled skin was found on its exterior.

"Ewww." Sun Wukong grimaced. "Anyways, that just makes them even less valuable and further proves my point."

"Is that supposed to be convincing? Because I'm not taking home a bunch of ghost-eaten fruits even if you give them to me for free——"

"Greetings," someone cleared their throat, then said in a deep, magnetic voice, "Is it you who invited this Zhao to your humble temple for a game, friends?"

The door curtain jingled; in walked a dark-faced man with an impressively bushy beard, clad in gilded black armor and red-gold robes. The only thing that didn't make him as intimidating as he should was the black tiger cub, clinging onto his shoulder pauldron like an oversized housecat.

"Yep, Lao Zhao!" Sun Wukong cheered, "Didn't think you'd have the time, but here you are!" He winked at MK, "Now, ya' ever seen a God of Wealth statue in your Dadsy's store? If you did: this is your guy in the flesh, Zhao Gongming himself."

"Oh yeah! The statue," MK tried his best to recall something that looked like the man, yet the only thing that came to mind was the adorable and totally dissimilar one on the counter. "You mean he's..the cat?"

"Ha! I like your little disciple, Great Sage." Zhao Gongming laughed. "Sadly, no. The only feline here is my steed, Biandan Hua." He pointed to the tiger cub. "In her baby form, so I don't get animal control called on me again. Mortals these days are so easily startled, I swear."

"Aww, that's the cutest name I ever heard." Sun Wukong cooed, earning an unimpressed look from the tiger. "Anyways, since we have our fourth guy here, without further ado, let's begin——"

"A second. I'm here for business too. Serious business," he held up a hand. "Have any of you seen a golden scissor? It's about this size, but becomes a lot bigger when transformed," a gesture, "about the size of a city block. Ah, and it can turn into two flood dragons."

"Nope!"

"Hmm. This one doesn't think so."

"The Golden Dragon Shears?" Nezha’s eyes widened. "How did you lose *that*, Marshal Zhao?!"

"I didn't! It's probably my youngest sister again. Bixiao is still rummaging through our study, so I may as well check in the Lower Realms while she's at it." He said. "Make sure no one has 'borrowed' it without their permission."

"Why are y'all looking at me?" 

Awkward silence ensued, broken immediately by Sun Wukong's indignant huff.

"Okay, first, I'm insulted by your insinuations! You eat a few peaches, and suddenly you are THE suspect whenever something goes missing up there." He shook his head. "Second, you have sisters, Lao Zhao? Huh, never know that."

"Well, unless you are planning to have kids in the immediate future, Great Sage, your paths are unlikely to cross!" Zhao Gongming laughed, before resuming his frown. "Our scissors are far from the only missing treasure, though. Other palaces have also reported similar cases over the last hour. I'll just have to go shake down Spirit Official Ma again——wouldn't be the first time that little candlewick bugger tried to pin his thefts on someone else."

At the mention of Spirit Official Ma, Nezha mouthed something that sounded suspiciously like a swear word. Sun Wukong made a face. 

"Yeah, show that Huaguang brat who's boss! But before that, surely you still have time for a Mahjong game? It'll only be a minute up there." 

"Hmm, I suppose it won't hurt." Zhao Gongming replied, twirling his beard. "But with one condition: no one uses their godly powers."

"Define 'godly powers'?" 

"Anything that requires intent to activate." Zhao Gongming said. "Your golden vision, active divination instead of passive, uncontrollable foresights, my power over fortune..."

A sigh. "I've played enough games where that is allowed. With my disciples it always turns into a teaching session, and playing against my fellow gods of wealth feels more like a power-measuring contest than a true match of skills, especially when Bi Gan was involved." He shook his head. "For a scholarly god of wealth, the old man can be more competitive than us martial ones."

"I feel ya', Lao Zhao. It's always the old geezers who play dirty."

"Hello? Excuse me?" Nezha asked. "Am I the only one who's more concerned about the missing treasure of mass destruction than the silly Mahjong game?!"

"Yes, yes you are." Sun Wukong smirked. "It's just a tiny scissor! What mass destruction can it cause, other than to Art & Crafts materials?"

"Says the blissfully ignorant monkey who has never seen it in action," Nezha retorted, then lowered his head with a defeated look. "Whatever. I don't care anymore. Just don't mention me when the Celestial Host starts pointing fingers and your sisters come knocking, Marshal Zhao."

"You have my words, Third Prince." Zhao Gongming made a fist-and-palm salute, almost jokingly. "For I'm not one to tattle, even if it means enduring Yunxiao's scolding alone. Now, what are the stakes for this game?"

…

After a brief discussion, the four had settled on using some unopened and unoffered snacks as their stakes. Which still didn't beat the gambling allegations, according to Nezha. 

Well, it was better than betting all your belongings on a rigged game and losing them all, at least. And after watching a few rounds of their play, MK's only thought was Dang, if that goldfish demon chose this game back then, he wouldn't even need to cheat to wipe the floor with me.

"You know, if someone tells me I'll be watching the Great Sage, two celestial gods, and a ghost play Mahjong like old people at a community center during the first day of our vacation..." MK mumbled to himself, "I'll probably believe it, actually."

Despite having only the vaguest idea of the rules——whoever completed a set of certain tiles first won the game——and not getting any closer to understanding them, he was determined to keep watching. 

If only because Sun Wukong winked at him right before tossing the dice and starting the round, and he was pretty sure it meant "Watch and learn, bud!" in a way that suggested the message went beyond a simple Mahjong game.

"What you are seeing now is not a typical day for most of us, if that makes you feel less disillusioned." Fan said, without looking up from the documents he was flipping through. 

A while ago, the ghost had returned with a stack of them, and the papers were now floating around him in a ring, suspended by the dark blue glow of telekinesis. If that wasn't the most stylish way of doing paperworks, MK didn’t know what was.

"Uh, but I'm not?" MK said. "It's just…a lot less serious than I thought, this whole 'gods' business, and honestly, I'm not complaining! The Great Sage looks like he’s having a good time too."

Back on the table, Sun Wukong and Nezha yelled "Pong!" at the same time, then immediately glared at each other.

"Hey, I said that first!"

"That doesn’t matter, because you are cheating!" Nezha huffed. "It is impossible for two players to Pong at the same time unless someone has sneaked an extra tile in there while shuffling them, and we all know who that is."

"Well yeah, but I'm just evening the odds in a rigged game, Laodi." Sun Wukong said, eyeing Xie sharply. "For the sake of fairness, I'll allow you to cheat back too. How 'bout that?"

"Good grief, and I thought Master Taiyi was the most unabashed cheater I ever met on the table." Nezha took a deep breath and announced, "New battle objective: show the two cheaters who's boss, without lowering myself to their level."

"Well, this one can't blame the Great Sage for it. Two more turns, and he’ll claim the first win."

"Keep your visions to yourself, ghost!"

"Thanks a lot, Xiao Xie." Sun Wukong grinned. "That gives me even more reason to do it."

A few more turns, a few more clacks, and the monkey was left staring wordlessly at the table.

"Hey, what the heck! Your vision isn't right."

"This one's vision is always right. That, however, isn't one." Xie gave them an innocent look. "It's just the time-honored tactic of 'lying', friend."

"Serve you right for trusting him and cheating." Nezha snorted, before reaching out to claim the discarded tile.

"Why, ya' little——!"

"Credit where credit's due, that sure is a more entertaining use of precognition than the average Dipper Mansion chess game." Zhao Gongming commented, amidst the chaos. "I look forward to what you will bring to the table next, budding little wealth god."

"More bullshit, that's what he'll bring." Fan crossed his arms. "And he wonders why I don't play chess with him anymore."

"Well, I guess it could be worse." MK said. "They could be playing Monopoly."

"What's a Mono-poly?"

"A game that ruins friendships and turns family members against each other. Mei tried introducing her cousins to that during a New Year gathering." MK shuddered. "Some of them still won't talk to her."

"Sounds like it needs to be exorcized." Fan said, without a single hint that he was joking. 

"Please don't."

MK kind of got the impression that he was the "by-the-book" cop of their buddy cop pair, who sounded serious whether he meant it or not, but maybe the kiddy soul would take things just that literally.

Sadly, his clarification ended up killing the conversation. For the next few moments, they just sat side-by-side, listening to the clacking of Mahjong tiles.

And the clacking had intensified, as the game picked up speed. Sun Wukong in particular was speeding up into a blur, fidgeting in his chair, using only one hand to move the tiles while juggling the same poor tangerine with the other.

Now, he was always in motion, gesturing as he talked, grabbing something or the other wherever they went. But the fidgeting had intensified to a point well beyond what MK was used to, which was making him fidgety too.

After a loud "Would you please stop that?" from Nezha, MK finally mustered enough courage to half-prod at Fan——and immediately drew his hand back! Wow, ghosts are freezing to the touch. 

(Okay, he wasn't really touching anything solid, but it felt like reaching into a pocket of sub-zero-degree air, made even more jarring by the heat of summer.)

"Sorry sir, one question." MK asked. "I don't really have a good grip on the rules yet, but is the Great Sage in trouble now? Like, is he losing?"

"No idea. I'm not bored enough to watch and guess their sets." Fan said. "But if you are talking about his hyperactivity, that's not a result of panic."

"Then what’s he doing?"

"He's teaching you how to fight someone with precognition."

"By…acting like a wind-up toy?"

"On the surface level, yes." He answered. "How much do you know about divination?"

To pain. 

No, not that one. MK shook his head wildly. "Next to nothing, I guess."

"Good. You aren't losing out on much." Fan said, before frowning. "I'd rather know less about it, but Xiao Xie just has to be an insufferable prick, so here we are. Essentially, think of Fate like a game of cards, or Mahjong, or whatever game of chance of your liking."

MK chuckled. The idea of Fate being a Uno game was quite a funny one, not gonna lie, if only because he'd get to figuratively shout "Reverse!" at someone.

"The Way is the ruleset, what is allowed and not allowed to happen. The winning and losing conditions. The cards and tiles are the individual events and outcomes, happening to a being as they draw them, one by one."

"To the Dipper Mansion celestials in charge of Fate, divination is like having your master's golden eyes and fiery vision. They can see through the cards and tiles, know what's on them instinctively, and are thus banned from playing, only able to shuffle and deal them out on the Celestial Host's orders."

Zhao Gongming's tiger, having jumped off its master's shoulder long ago, pawed at Sun Wukong's twitching tail. This only egged the monkey on, as they promptly began a game of 'catch my tail if you can' off the table.

"For some," he looked at Nezha, his face a mask of intense concentration, "it isn't so much divination as making snap-second, highly accurate guesses, aided by superb memorization skills. To the more unfortunate mortals, however, it's like seeing recordings of multiple games playing side-by-side, with no way of knowing which one is theirs."

"Lucky for my sworn brother and almost no one else, he can see snippets of a single recording, which just happens to be ours." Fan said. "It's also random, very short-reaching, and makes the part of his soul that bears the brunt of it into a kooky brat with no self-preservation instincts. But I've complained enough. Now that you know how his precognition works, what will you do to counter it?"

"Does not playing the game count?"

"A wise choice. But suppose you don't get to choose."

"I, uh." Think, smartie kid, think! What is the relationship between ultra-hyperactive monkey behavior and beating a ghost with future vision on the Mahjong table? (Oh geez, it's like that one question about ravens and writing desks in that foreign children's book again…)

"I guess I'll make myself, well, unpredictable and even more random?" He finally said, hesitantly.

"Not very specific, but you get the gist of it." Fan nodded. "Going back to my analogy, your master knows his opponent is making a random draw too, except each card he draws allows him to see others claiming or discarding a certain tile."

"So he decides to add more useless cards into the pool. False maneuvers, feints," Fan pointed to the tiger, still pawing at Sun Wukong’s tail, "Artificially creating another game on the side to divert the visions. Nothing can be a hundred percent predictable, not even literal future vision, and if only my partner realized that, he'd be a lot less annoying and not on the way to getting absolutely destroyed in this game."

"Wow. That's very clever and all, but should you really be telling me this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I don't know much about the Underworld, outside of how Monkey King wrecked the place and scribbled him and his monkeys' name off the Book of Life and Death——" MK waved nervously, "No hard feelings 'bout that, ey? But if the Great Sage is teaching me how to counter you guys, does that mean you'll be going after us at some point in the future?"

"Technically, we'll be going after everyone who isn't an immortal or formally ranked celestial, sooner or later." Fan said. "Your master is firmly in the first category, and for you, that won't be in a long, long time, if it eases your worries."

"Yeah, no. Not at all. Thanks."

"You don't like ghosts very much, do you." He said, then, before MK could reply, added, "Which is fine. We don't like ourselves either."

"Uhhhh, don't be?" Oh gosh, was there really a way to word this without offending ghosts more? "It's not like I dislike you guys! Like, you and the other ghost cops seem pretty chill. It's just, y'know, a bit freaky, seeing the walking reminder of my inevitable mortality and all, ahahaha…"

"It is. And I won't tell you what to feel about that." Fan held up a finger, and the documents he had been reading were instantly sorted into neat little stacks in midair. "But if there is one thing you remember from our conversation, let it be this: no game lasts forever."

"One has to end in order for another to begin, and a game where no one wins or loses is gonna be a very boring one. We, officials of the Ten Courts, are but the keepers of scores, and you don't have to win in order to have fun while it lasts."

"Hu le." Zhao Gongming's calm voice cut through the chit-chat, followed by a light thud of him pushing the tiles over. "Four Kongs."

All eyes were immediately on him.

"By Buddha, Lao Zhao! No wonder you've been so quiet."

"Ugh!" Nezha facepalmed. "I was so close!" He shot a half-hearted glare at Sun Wukong. "This is all your fault, by the way. Without the extra tiles you snuck in there, he'd have never gotten such a rare combination."

"C'mon, maybe he's just that lucky?"

"Very enlightening." Xie hummed, handing over the bag of peach-flavored chips to Zhao. "This one knows he won't be winning the first round, but its certainly a great start!"

"And this is why you don't gamble with a literal, formally ranked, celestial god of wealth." Fan said, after a long, stunned silence. "Even when he isn't actively using his influence, for fairness's sake."

"He's not?"

"If he did, he'd just win every round, and there wouldn't be a game to speak of."

…

They stopped playing when the rain stopped, at which point the sun had already disappeared below the horizon. Zhao Gongming left halfway after getting an astral call from his sisters, shaking his head, giving MK the chance to finally join in. 

Sun Wukong had stopped cheating after that——at least not as blatantly, if Nezha's words were to be believed. To MK, he just settled back into his old laid back attitude, which, in turn, made his own palms less sweaty as he faced off against the other two.

He still lost, badly, only barely managing a win at the very end. Not that it mattered, since Nezha had soundly kicked everyone's butts like he wanted, coming out at the top by a wide margin of three bags of chips and a single Tau Sar Piah.

"Let this be your lesson, Monkie Kid," he said, with a hint of childish glee, "That hard work, knowledge of statistics, and memorization skills will always triumph over luck and a bunch of cheating clowns."

"Ah well. I'll let you have your moment, Laodi, since it's pretty much the only fight you can win against me." Sun Wukong responded with a cheeky smile, then tore open his bag of chips and started munching loudly on them. 

"Yes, keep telling yourself that. Maybe you'll actually start believing in it." Nezha smirked, before standing up from his chair. "I'll just be over here, basking in the glow of victory and trying to not run into my brother on the way back——"

As if on cue, a shout came from outside.

"GREETINGS! This Hui An pays his respect to the City God and his attendants!"

"Annnnnd there goes my good mood." Nezha muttered. A formation started glowing under his feet. "Goodbye. If anyone asks, I've never been here."

Almost immediately after he disappeared in a blaze of pink fire, the speaker outside with the loud, booming, megaphone-against-your-ears voice marched through the doorway.

"Oh. Hi there, Muzha."

"HI THERE, as the younger generation says these days!" The tall man replied cheerfully. The dangling green ties on his hair bun were swaying back and forth, as he made a bow. 

"Heard you yelling into Lady Guanyin's statue a while ago, Great Sage, so I decided to pay a visit. Is my brother here too? Longnü said she saw you two flying together, while weaving the storm clouds with her kins."

"Well, in Nezha's exact words, 'If anyone asks, I've never been here'." Sun Wukong shrugged.  "So no, he is not here." 

"Ah. Embarrassed, I see!" He exclaimed, making his way to the Mahjong table and staring down at the tiles. "He really shouldn't be, though. By my religious vows, I'm supposed to refrain from such worldly pass-times, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be preachy about it!"

Now MK was starting to have an idea of what "Too much" meant. Namely, his complete lack of volume control.

"Well, looks like I've dropped by at a rather inopportune time, so I won't keep you fellows any longer, Great Sage. Thanks for keeping my little brother company, though——"

His sight met MK's, and only then did Muzha seem to notice his presence. "And DEAR ME! Is that your new disciple I've heard so much about? A pleasure to meet you too, young one!"

He reached out for a handshake. MK made the mistake of taking it, and immediately winced. 

"Oww, owww——Nice to meet you too?!"

"Please stop crashing my disciple's hand, Muzha."

"Sorry, sorry!" He laughed, releasing his iron grip at last. "It's just so wonderful to see the juniors coming into their own, I get a bit carried away. Still, this acolyte looks forward to working with you in the days to come!"

"Man, we are busy here today, aren't we?" Xie commented, just as the overly cheerful and loud immortal made a turn and headed for the backdoor. "So many visitors. Not that this one is complaining."

"...Yeah." MK agreed, after awkwardly waving Muzha goodbye.

Well, one thing was certain: godhood internship or not, he'd sure have one hell of a story to tell once he got back home.

[margowritesthings]

Hey, Margo! 🩷

I’m sending the request according to your new post 🥺

I would like a friends to lovers trope. But here’s the thing: Could the female character (lil me) and Arthur actually had a relationship in the past (current relationship status is they broke up) and now they are falling for each other again (second chance)?

Of course I would love a Red Dead Redemption (Arthur Morgan) fanfic 🩷

The gender is female, and if you could make her ginger with brown eyes (like me) I would love it 🥺 And if Arthur calls her angel, even better 🩷🩷🩷

Feel free to add smut, fluff and anything you would like!

Thank you for tagging me! You know how much I love your writing 🩷

sweet angel hello! thank you for participating, i got so many ideas for your love story with our pretty cow boah

come celebrate 1k followers with me!

arthur morgan // second chance + friends to lovers

you two have been sweet on each other since the moment you met, the day you joined the gang. arthur was brave enough to ask you on a date after only a short three months of pining after you

he took you to the saloon, you beat him at poker, and in that moment he knew you were his soulmate. a forever love.

you were together for a few months, and it was that kind of love you only thought existed in the stories you read. it was celestial, ethereal. a wild burning flame extinguished far too quickly.

when he found out about isaac and eliza's deaths, arthur really struggled. he drank a lot and lost himself for a while.

you knew the best thing to do was to just be there for him, so you both decided he needed friendship right now.

"you're my best friend, arthur. that ain't ever gonna change."

but the feelings didn't just go away as easily as your plan relied on, that flame too furious to be extinguished by simple "logic"

you wanted to respect the space arthur asked for, and he never thought he was good enough to have you after letting you go the first time

unworthy of your love

if he couldn't protect isaac and eliza, how could he ever deserve you?

and thus ensued years of pining

the very best of friends, unable to stay away from each other while this silent love roared

you'd work jobs together, go hunting together, have midnight chats by the fire, save each other's asses from time to time

years went on like this, where everybody in the gang and their mamma would share glances and roll their eyes at the two fools who couldn't just admit they were made for each other

you were the first person arthur wanted to see whenever he got back from a job, the one he rode home to even if he never said it aloud

and as much as your heart ached a little every time you looked at him, you would have stayed like that forever if it meant getting to keep arthur in your life

until the day he left it

when he didn't come back from the 'chat' with the o'driscolls, you were out of your mind with worry

the thought of never seeing arthur again flipped a switch in your mind and you finally realised that this life stuck in limbo wasn't enough

you were sneaking out in the dead of night against dutch's orders when you saw him, beaten and bloody, riding home to you

it broke you, the relief washing over you like a wave that breaks the walls you've built as though they're nothing but paper

he practically falls off his horse, but you catch his weight and support him

you take him to your tent and patch him up, holding him and crying with him when you see what they did to arthur. your arthur.

he winces when he reaches up to push that stray rebellious hair out of your face, but the way the candlelight glows in his eyes has your own breath hitching in your throat

"i was so worried, arthur... i-i thought-"

"i know, angel, i know... i'm sorry...

but i'm here now

and i ain't ever leaving you again."

that nickname... from all those years ago when you first found eachother

whispered for the first time in a moan, you and him tangled together in sheets for the very first time

"goddamn... you're an angel, how'd a dirty sinner like me ever get so lucky?"

when you broke up, you never thought you'd hear it again

and yet here you are

the sweet name echoing in your ears as he kisses you, reuniting your lips after far too long apart

it's a desperate kiss, the kind that holds two lifetimes of context

like you're scared if either one lets go the moment will disappear

so you don't

you tangle your fingers in his hair, he cups your cheek, your bodies moulding together

being any closer would be impossible

"this is it, angel, you hear? no more messing around, this is it. this is us, cause i ain't letting you go."

"you better not, mister."

you’re both crying, breathing each other in, never wanting to let one another go

and you never do again

[everyone-is-a-punk]

Alright Punks listen up.

It's Clarisse, daughter of Ares, blah blah blah. I'm in charge of initiation, so play nice and maybe I won't shove your head into a toilet. Maybe. Challenge me in the arena and I will beat you into pulp.. Touch my spear and I will send you to Hades the hard way. Pronouns are she/her/they/them btw (There is a discord server for this guy's! Just send an ask I will happily give an invite!)

Tags I'm gonna use

#clarisse talks

#clarisse's reblogs

#im going to war

#punks

my main is @auttumnsayshi

Frienemies are as followed (in no particular order)

@silena-styles loml <3 definitely wifey material

@why-did-i-get-acne your haikus suck

@nico-the-ghost-king/@nico-di-angelo-aaaaa gay emo boi

@lukemessedup WHEN I CATCH U LUKE WHEN I CATCH U

@annabeth-is-a-wise-girl/@annabeth-in-your-chase smart person, probably the only reason camp is still standing

@percy-jackson-is-a-seaweed-brain/@that-dam-son-of-poseidon PRISSY

@the-best-superman-on-olympus/@jason-graceeeeee stapler muncher

@tyson-the-cyclops peanut butter addicted big teddy bear with giant stick

@the-argo-2-matchmaker/@piper-mclean-raaa silenas lil sis who has magical speaking powers

@theonlycoachhedge goat dude with a bat 😎

@apollos-favorite-child Wills sister

@magnus-falafelking Annie's dead cousin

@mallory-keen-to-kill me, just in a different font

@estraava you seem cool

@hazel-is-confused Nico's sister with the best horse ever

@amazing-war-god-ares I need bleach thanks and your a shit dad

@frank-zhang-skreee awesome half brother of mine

@leo-valdez-graaa a crackhead who id love to commit arson with

@will-solace-aaaaa Nico's bf, the human glowstick

@percys-blue-food-vendor literally the most a amazing woman ever who makes the most awesome at blue cookies

@miss-naomi-solace wills mom

@alex-fierro-pr-nightmare control your man's plz

@thomas-jefferson-jr guns>>>>>>

@zoe-can-see-the-stars-again cool huntress

@im-cool-and-your-not ily /p

@im-aphrodite-dearies Sil's mom

@moththecabin7kid definition of controlled chaos

@thatonebitheaterkid theater nerd

@unda-the-sea-and-bi-myself one of the only cool gods

@cameron-is-chaotic proud sibling moment