#it's my fault really because I just haven't had the time or energy to answer many asks lately 😔

[meownotgood]

Omg where are bunny , octopus and orange anon when we need them and their headcanons the most 🥹

I don't know but I miss them and love them 🥹🥹🥹🥹💓

[sleepyboywrites]

@justkeepscrollingscrolling

Hey all! In case you missed my last post Tumblr updates ruined my life and asks no longer allow you to save as drafts and then update them. Since I normally don't write all in one session I have quite a few in my drafts currently that I have to get creative in actually answering so that you all still get notified when I get around to your asks. Moving forward I'll just answer in one go but for older asks (ones before I noticed/before the update) will be answered like this! Also I haven't written in a while so I apologize if it's shit.

Save a horse ride a cowboy

Masky knew you were raised on a farm. His favorite, albeit slightly teasing pet name for you was 'Cowboy' or 'Farm hand'. He's seen you carry corpses of fully grown men in one arm since joining the proxies. He had confronted you on multiple occasions how and why and you had replied. "I've hauled hay when our tractor broke and carried a newborn filly to the truck to rush to the vet after she wasn't walkin'. I can hold my own Darlin'." And he had been oh so kind to remind you who you belonged to for your lip and sweet farm boy ways. Yet he still sometimes underestimates your strength and in all honesty it's your own fault.

Play fighting and rough housing was nothing at all new. Mostly because Masky suffers from cuteness aggression and you, farm boy, are sturdy enough to handle it as well as dish it out. You two did it so often that if you didn't people assumed you were fighting fighting. On top of this you had a bad habit of letting Masky win because he's just so cute all smug on victory and everyone likes to be shoved into the couch face first by their partner sometimes cause being manhandled is just as fun as manhandling.

That is until one day, a really busy one, you didn't really have the time nor energy to let him win.

Masky had been extra annoying today. Poking and proding and shoving and basically all over you. Normally no complaints whatsoever but you had a shit ton you needed to get done. The list of cleanup tasks you were assigned today was two pages long and with your boyfriend attacking you at every turn in some form of cuteness aggression taking over and possessing him the second he saw your face, you getting fuck all done. Cleanup from the cannibals of the mansion plus the targets of the main proxies (because apparently scrubbing the remains of EJ's lunch off of the kitchen walls for three hours wasn't enough to deal with) had made for an unusually large amount of work for the sole cleanup crew member, you, and you were over it. So as Masky tried to tackle you in greeting for the fifth time today hoping to instigate you to wrestle him and to in turn win and coerce you to get a little 'closer', you just held your ground picked up the corpse in one arm, pried his arms off with a "Hold on Darlin' I have work to finish and I'm running behind. Later." And walked away.

Masky had stood there for a moment with a confused look on his face before the realization struck and he remembered his view of you and your 'softness' was heavily skewed. But once the shock disappears he became determined to genuinely tackle you. Stalking, lurking, and hunting you as you attempted to finish your work as Cleanup. He had proven himself to be quite the pain in your ass as you avoided his attacks and eventually lost him all together getting to finish the long list of tasks you had been assigned. You took a shower changed clothes and were scrolling on your phone on the couch when you finally sensed him again.

His vaguely pissed off and irked in general aura slowly approaching you from behind. You pretended not to notice that he's approaching and place your arms over his as he hugs you, clearly mopey, from behind. "Hm... So we're doing angry cuddles now, are we love?"

Masky didn't reply shoving his face into your neck, you could feel his intrusive thoughts to bite you, his hesitation to do so. Masky begins walking away from you and into the kitchen.

Without warning you chase after him and pick him up as he shouts and squirms playfully trying to escape your grasp and flip the script, "Look, I'm sorry I was avoidin' you, 'm not angry at you darlin, I was just overbooked on what needed done. Now quit your moping." You explained as you threw and pinned him to the couch. Masky going fully silent and still as you pin him down, giving you an odd territorial and excited look. "What?" You ask as he stares up at you, an eyebrow raised.

"Save a horse..." He replied looking you up and down. As it slowly processes in your head what he's referring to and you scoff and chuckle as you shake your head.

[kangaracha]

lee know + sorry, I love you

He'd always loved dance more than anything else, and this is no exception.

Fluid and sharp, shifting with every change in the tempo, drumbeats like puppet strings tugging at limbs. Her body creates lines that imprint themselves on his vision like too-bright lights, silhouettes of her dancing behind his eyelids even when he closes them. Her music permeates their practise room even after she leaves; at the end of every chorus, he expects her to laugh, or to say something snappy, like she'd recorded herself over the track when they'd danced, the music and their movement equalising each other.

"You've been practising without me," Han complains over the absence of her voice, and Minho blinks back into reality.

Boys, sweating under the hum of the airconditioner, and the same movements he's been drilling into his limbs for weeks and weeks. He's supposed to be watching the others, but on the ninth runthrough of the day, he'd wandered off for a moment. It happens.

"No I haven't," he lies between breaths, squinting at himself in the mirror. Had he messed up that last move? He can't remember - he'd just been moving with the music, doing whatever they'd been doing last night. "I'm just better than you."

"And I bet that jacket on the couch is yours too," Han scoffs. In the mirror, Minho finds the end of the couch - and yes, there is her jacket, soft pink and edged in black. He'd told her the middle of summer was too hot for a jacket, even in the middle of the night, and he'd been so correct that she hadn't picked it up when she left, too busy laughing at him imitating her stumbling over the chorus of the song that's repeating in the background now.

He considers lying again - not because he has anything to hide, but just to see how far he could string Han along - but the novelty has passed on, along with his breath and the little energy he'd dredged up sleeping the first five hours of the morning. "I'd rather go deaf than listen to her evaluation track again, and the dance break needed work anyway."

"Did it?" Han questions, his arm falling heavy around Minho's shoulder. His heart is beating like a jackrabbit's, oppressive heat rolling off of his skin. Minho's pretty sure he's going to get a rash if they stay pressed together like this for too long. "Or did you just want to give her shit about it?"

Minho shrugs, his face a poster of indifference. He's sure it's amusing. "Is it my fault if she can't hit the beats right?"

"Probably," Han tells him. Minho snorts and steers him towards the long couch at the back of the room, aiming for the coveted spot beneath the air conditioner.

"Did you tell her how you feel yet?" Han asks as he deposits both of them on the seat, his arm still tight around his shoulders.

Minho pauses, his stomach twisting around itself from more than the heat. Complicated; that's how that question makes him feel. Exhausted, because there's no right way to turn and no clear answer to give.

"I told you I'm not going to do that," he answers, in a voice that's lowered so that the other boys won't hear. Not keeping secrets, per say, but just...keeping it quiet. He didn't need Seungmin riling him up about it at every opportunity, nor did he want to sit the boy down and tell him that this was really serious to him; life wouldn't be right without Seungmin buzzing around the edge of his consciousness like a gnat. Didn't need Chan worrying himself to death about how to handle it either, when Minho could handle it just fine on his own.

"And I told you that that's really dumb," Han answers, not for the first time.

"I like just being friends," Minho insists.

"Liar," Han insists more.

And he's right; with every day that passes, and every night they spend holed up in this studio, he hates being friends a little bit more. But there are words, as an idol, that are dangerous to say, actions that, once taken, he cannot take back - and even if he didn't wear a name and a face known to millions of people, saying hey, i love you to his strictly a friend could destroy everything he has.

He doesn't want to imagine the world when she runs away. He doesn't dare to imagine it if she stays. In the light of it all, this eternal limbo seems like the better option, even if it eats away at him a little bit inside.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi! Encampment anon again. It's going okay so far, though the police with visible guns circling us is unnerving even though they just say hello and monitor us (while we monitor them). I'm the same anon from ages ago who struggled finding balance and getting overwhelmed at protests and I think I might still have that problem. Yesterday I was working from 4am to 10pm: some time at the encampment, then distributing meal leftovers to unhoused folks around there, then cooking trays of dinner (1/4)

for the campers, helping design pamphlets, and the in-between periods working on my final exams. But by evening when I was cooking I was extremely overwhelmed by the loud and messy kitchen and couldn’t speak to the people coming to transport the food which felt rude, since I was signing to my friend and she was talking for me, even though I could technically have spoken if I had tried more. I know part of mutual aid is community, but the social part of that seems quite hard, even if I am (2/4)

ready and willing to help. I also missed the two fun things I had planned for the day because of how busy it was, and while that’s fine, I’m also not sure how much time I am supposed to be taking for fun when I have exams as well as all this. People helped me yesterday, a lot, and I helped them, but I feel like I should be helping them more and require less support because I technically could. I also can’t really cut back because I will feel terrible if any of these things don’t get done (3/4)

when I could have done them; if food gets thrown away because no one else hands it out, then the waste of food is my fault. But I know thinking like this is not helping me, so I don’t really know what to do. [Also I don’t know if this is relevant but it may inform what advice you give, a counselor has suggested I might be autistic, though I’m not sure whether or not I agree. Either way, even before all of this began I was struggling a lot to keep things together.] (4/4)

Oh also I just realized that I have not slept much, eaten most of my meals, showered, cleaned my room, or such things since this has all begun (like three days or so). So I definitely need to change something about my approach but I can't figure out what. I just forget to do those things, and if I remember I should, I still don't have the energy to. Sorry for the really long rant, you've just helped me a lot with your advice in the past and I need some more help I think. (5/4)

***********

Oh anon - sending you so much love and solidarity. You're doing amazing - and like I said before - you have everything you need.

When I read this - it feels like what you're asking is what am I doing wrong or how can I be better at it? And the answer is, of course, absolutely nothing - there's no need to be better and also it's not really possible. The difficulties you're facing aren't because there's something unique about you that means that you get overwhelmed after working from 4am to 10pm. The difficulties are the nature of organising in this sort of heightened political moment. All student occupations have been people in them who were exhausted and overwhelmed and not eaten or showered.

Moments of collective resistance in political crisis are not times for intentional improvement (you are of course growing and learning and changing - you can't help it). But the only problem you're describing here is your anxiety that you're doing something wrong. And the only thing that you could work on - is gently telling the voices in your head that there's something wrong with you to fuck off. But it's not really the time - it's far too easy get involved with meta anxiety - you already describe being anxious about being anxious

Does it help if I'm gentle with you - and tell you you're doing great. It's not your fault if food is wasted. It really doesn't matter that you haven't tidied your room. And people who haven't showered for three days are more common and socially acceptable political occupations than most of the rest of society - even when people aren't overwhelmed. You describe yourself as accepting help and identifying when you're overwhelmed and withdrawing - that's incredible and not something I knew how to do when I was your age (and for a long time after).

I remember at a time of intense political crisis getting very worked up about whether I was coping well - and looking back and all I can think of how absurd it was that I expected myself to cope at all.

I will give a couple of pieces of practical advice. Prioritise eating - not eating does make things harder. You describe yourself as giving out food, but not eating. What do you need from the situation so that you can eat yourself? If you can't figure it out - can you talk it through with a friend? Don't let the perfect be the enemy of any sustenance is good here. What do you need so you'll eat some food several times a day?

The other is - do you have any friends (or family - but if I understand that's less likely in the US) who are sympathetic, but not involved? I also have vivid memories of going to a friend's house - five days into crisis organising. Hanging out and then going to a movie. That was really replenishing. If you have someone who values the work that you're doing, but isn't part of it - spending some time away from it all can make a real difference.

I guess what both of these having in common is that they're looking after yourself in gentle ways - relying on other people a little bit. Recognising what you need - but also accepting that this is really hard and it's going to have an impact on you and it's OK that it has an impact on you.

Again sending you all the love and solidarity. Don't apologise for the long rant. I loved hearing from you - come back any time.

[raphael-angele]

Teen Justice Headcanon Part 16

Troy: I still can't believe you never told me you'rea demon.

Raven: Well, it's not my fault you were only interested if I was single or not

Talia: He's got a point.

Troy: Shut up. Anything else I should know about my boyfriend that I apparently missed because I was too in love with him?

Gigi: Troy, you're overreacting. I'm sure that you'll know a lot more things about him into your relationship.

Raven: No, it's fine, I don't mind sharing a few more things, considering that now you all know I'm a demon.

Jess: So you DO have other secrets

Raven: 'Course I do. It's why you labeled me as the mysterious one in the group, remember?

Talia: We're getting out of topic here. What else haven't you told us?

Raven: What do you wanna know?

Jess: How old are you, really?

Raven: 16. But in demon years, I'm already around 28. Time gets really messed up where I'm from. It's why I could only narrow my birthday to October.

Jacqui: Anything we need to know about your powers?

Raven: They're driven by my emotions. The more I feel, the more energy I unleash. So, be very careful about stressing me out.

Klarienne: This is a bit of invasion of privacy so I wanna ask. How many relationships have you had?

Troy: Klarienne!

Raven: No, it's fine. I said that I'm okay with answering a few questions. Though it does depend on what you consider as a relationship.

Laurel: Anyone you've had a romantic connection with and you two got to be together for a period of time.

Raven: Including or excluding Troy?

Jess: I wanna know how many before him.

Troy: Don't you guys think you're being too invasive?

Them: No.

Talia: I think you're just jealous that you're not Raven's first.

Troy, drinking water: No, I'm not.

Raven: Hmmm...23.

Troy: *spits the water and coughs*

Talia: Handing over a napkin.

Troy: Thank you.

Raven: Anything else?

Troy: Hold up *still coughing* We are not going to look past that! You're twlling me that I'm your 24th boyfriend?!

Raven: No, I'm telling you, you're my 24th relationship.

Jess: What does that have to...

Laurel: Wait you're-

Raven: Bisexual...yeah, I am. I'd ask if you had a problem with that but since Troy is openly gay, and Jess is non-binary, and whatever the rest of you are going through, I figured, you wouldn't really mind it.

Them:

Troy: Oh, good Gods.

[bluebudgie]

Petthri 1, 12, 14, 16 and 17

(also technically 3, but I need too know if someone ever called him petri dish or joked about it, like it is for Lahpp)

Hi anon thank you for the questions!! Sorry for the wait I had to go sleep like the second I saw the ask notification pop up :D

1. What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

So there's this mouse villager in Animal Crossing New Horizons called Petri (yes like the petri dish, she's got a labcoat and all) and I looked at her and thought "oh that's a cute name wouldn't it be funny if I had an Asura wh-"

And this is my PB in "stupid idea to actual creation" speedrun. This man was set up for disaster from the start.

IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT

This pretty much answers 3) already I suppose?

But about your extra question: I haven't really thought about it happening (my comment on Lahpp's name was more about out-of-character jokes too rather than in-character) but I won't deny it never happened (more likely for Petthri; Lahpp's mostly referred to with his System ID number in most situations). I think Petthri would find the coincidence funny actually. Like in a "isn't it cool!" kinda way.

12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)? 

His face can be hell to draw. I've lamented this in the past but because his eyes sit relatively high and he has a (by Asura standards) more or less narrow face he falls into the looks-too-human uncanny valley super fast. And when it happens I have the hardest time fixing it. It's a rollercoaster with him.

Somehow, that too fits his character.

14. If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be? 

1) This man has more energy than I can ever even dream to possess. Like, physically, mentally, this dude's just everything everywhere all the time.

2) Keep him at least somewhat charismatic despite the chaos that surrounds him, otherwise the whole "he used to be really popular with everyone" doesn't really add up. Unless there's an inexplicable aura to him.

16. What is something about your OC can make you cry? 

I've not hit the big official angst arc for him yet but he must miss his family back in Rata Sum. Sometimes he wonders for how long they've been looking for him before they gave up. Or on worse days, he wonders if they ever bothered to find him at all. He was told the Inquest made sure he's considered officially dead, so he doesn't blame anyone for not coming to try and free him.... does he?

Probably tried talking about it to Lahpp but didn't find much understanding. Maybe one day.

17. Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story? 

None I can think of! If there was something I didn't like I must have scrapped it and forgotten about it but honestly... this guy is 90% random anecdotes of stupid shit he did, there isn't much to go wrong with.

[nightcall99]

Notes from 9.4.24

What does anyone have beyond this now moment? Is it worth it to believe there's anything lying beyond the confines of now? When it gives us such heartache...

I felt some energy this morning, but maybe I've blocked it out now. Or, I'm just not here right now. Yeah, that's it. I hate being on my period. I got a box of donuts delivered, they tasted good. I don't know about the food thing anymore, I think I skip or eat meals depending on the sense of control it gives me in that moment. I still can't stand my mum. Whenever she tries to talk to me, it leaves me feeling really irritated. It's like an ugly monster is seconds away from hatching every time. I should be more grateful because she does everything for me, but I didn't ask to be born. And I didn't ask for the things she does either, so she can just stop. I know I sound like the worst kind of brat.

The other day I was helping some man and after he said, “I always knew you were intelligent". I thanked him, but then he was like "So how come I sometimes see you outside vaping?". So the compliment was just a shoehorn into what he really wanted to ask. I really shouldn't have been so nice to him after that. I know he probably meant well because he said so himself that he had been a smoker for 20 years, a obscure concern for my health etc., but I detested what he said. And I detested more that I was not brave. Then yesterday, this other lady was like, "Why aren't you wearing a mask?". I felt like this time I was more ready for it. I was polite but firm, saying it was my choice. She backed off pretty quick. I was still holding back 95% though. I don't understand how people think they have any say about what another person does with their body. And I can't fathom what kind of environment these boomers grew up in, where this kind of audacity is seen as normal and right.

I haven't heard from AL in four days. She is supposed to be back the day after next. I think I'm a much nicer person when she's not around. Every time we are together, we both disassociate from our roles too hard and we become too team-ly, too twin-like, and it progresses inevitably into an us vs. them mentality. I want to feel close to her so I let it happen, all the while I know that I am the perpetrator. In my mirroring, I am the one at fault. Everything she says is true, it happens in real time. It happens and then we take out a magnifying glass, and the image becomes bigger. Impossibly large. It passes the time, I think. But since she's been gone, a lot of what we used to complain about has disappeared. Or I have decided not to notice it. I've eased up my thinking patterns considerably, regarding all of it. I can't blame her though, I know everything is coming from me and she is just the manifestation of the energy I want to experience. She is what I am. But I do wonder if I will return there, as I always do when I am presented with it. I mean, it makes no difference to me. It's just different games. But if the energy really has changed, then things shouldn't be the same as before. Before she left she said by the time she gets back I'd better have some answers about what the heck it is we're doing here. During that fleeting cracked era of ours, I messaged her saying, Yeah I know what we have to do and you're not going to like it. I thought I was going to be telling her that we have no choice but to re-enter matrix but I don't know anymore.

I don't think I want anything to change. Nothing on the surface matters to me. It hasn't for a long time and I don't care to ever make it matter again. Nothing external can satisfy me because the inherent realness of things is lost forever. As soon as I woke up to this, everything turned to sand. I've long been standing in a desert. So what matters? Why are we here? Something at the essence level was decided, and it was decided that it was worth it. I see small changes but if I step back, it feels like I'm gaslighting myself to see them. And perhaps everything really is just the same, just the way I like it. I realise it can be both. I realise that it must be both for anything to exist at all. So what do I want to focus on? What do I want to see? I could say a lot of things. But I'm not sure I know what wanting feels like anymore. It all feels so performative now. I don't know what I want, much less, experience myself as real. I know that's antithetical to how I've been saying lately that I feel more 'me' but it actually leans into that. This 'me' is so abstract, so subject to the whims of something unseen that I don't want to hold onto it anymore. The doll is not real. It's like the more I try to grasp onto this experience, and devise reasons to stay here, the less of an impact it all makes. I've become desensitised. I don't think I should have let myself reach this level of awareness. I remember at the start of all this when the chat was so busy and Akari and Crystal and others were around, I think I was really happy. We were at our height then, I truly think this. Back then I could have thought of a million little things that I wanted badly to do on NE and was genuinely so excited about it. But now I think that even if there's more happiness to be felt, it seems almost painful. Even the uncontainable joy of new earth, seems sad, in a way. It's not even because what comes up, must come down. No matter what we do to entertain ourselves, no matter what we identify as or with, we will always have eternity to contend with. There is always this neutrality which is the backdrop to all. I will never escape it because I am it. So what's the point? Has the idea of new earth become a burden somehow? I don't know. Right now it feels like just another square to be checked off on an experience list. Because if I could return to myself as the everlasting witness once more, right now, I think I would. I think that signals that we went too far.

[casspurrjoybellbittner]

Wreckless - Being Comfortable

*Warning Adult Content*

Finnegan

I haven't seen Emmett in over a week and that's 95% my fault. I hate it which is worrying me on a different level but I also haven't had too much time to think about it. My father showed up at the factory on Friday morning for a walk through. My mother had flown out as well so I spent all weekend showing them Baltimore, the little of it I knew anyway. I of course came down with the spring cold from hell and spent Tuesday in bed and Wednesday working from my couch.

Emmett offered to come over and bring me soup but he was working all day and I was in no shape for company of any sort. That's what delivery is for. Yesterday I managed to get to work I make it through the day but I was in bed by 7:30. We've texted and had two evening phone calls so he knows I'm not ignoring him but it's just not the same... I miss him. I haven't really had anyone to miss in a long time or what feels like a long time. I don't know where this is going, him and me. For one, I should be heading back to Michigan in a month or so. Two, letting someone into my head, letting them know my secrets, well that's scary. I've never done it before and I don't know how it's going to play out.

Part of me wants to spin around and sing at top my lungs like I'm in the sound of music, like my apartment is the Austrian countryside. And yes, I want to do it in funny boxers. But then reality sets in and I know I'm weird and honestly, I don't want to date anyone who thinks I'm not. It makes me worry about what else they wouldn't have a problem with, know what I mean? But the possibility is enough to make me forget all of that and when he was here last week and I got to nap curled up against him wearing yes, my batman briefs, I was a happy, happy boy. We'd had a delicious dinner and I'd gotten a few very thorough kisses before he left.

It was a good day... a great day and I miss him and that. That feeling of being comfortable, really comfortable, with someone. I like the people at work but I have to put up a front, play the part. I love my parents and had a good time with them last weekend but no matter how much we love each other, there are some things that would just be going too far. There are rules and expectations and I'm really glad there are. How weird would it be for my mom to flash someone or my dad to tap my beer bottle? It's late by the time I get home and my apartment is very, very empty. I have a hard couch, a mostly empty fridge and nothing to do. I don't have much energy either but suddenly my apartment feels like a jail cell... I call Emmett.

"Hey, darling," he answers.

I smile because I do every time he calls me that.

"Hey. I just got home and I'm bored."

"You should come over here and play with my ferret."

'It will never not be funny.'

"I could order pizza."

That does it... that's a win.

"From that place?"

I don't even remember what it was called.

"Only place I order from, Finnegan."

"I'll pay, get me one and I'll be right there."

He chuckles.

"You're excited and I can tell by your voice that you can breathe a bit better, that's good. Taste buds must be back too. Hey, I'm not working in the morning so if you want to stay, bring a few things."

Stay tonight? Sounds good even though I'll probably be in bed by nine which is only two hours from now or stay the weekend? He said a few... if I show up at the ceiling and tonight he's going to get freaked out. I will pack lightly and leave some stuff in my car just in case.

"Sleeping with you sounds really good, Emmett. See you soon."

"Drive safe, Finnegan."

Half an hour later I'm on his comfortable couch wearing boxers and a Mr. bubbles T-shirt that Emmett pulled from the depths of his closet. I have two huge slices of pizza in front of me and he's yelling from the kitchen

"Want a beer?"

Too soon.

"No. Water is fine."

He brings me a sports bottle with a bendy straw. It has initials on it I can't place and I'm guessing is some automotive part distributor or such. I'd expected a glass but...

"Holds more," he says by way of explanation.

Not that I'm complaining... not really... it's fun. I pull the straw most of the way out since it's pretty full and that gives me plenty to play with. We get settled and snuggled up under a blanket. 

"Comfy, Finnegan?"

He has no idea just how comfortable I am. 

"I'm good Emmett, thanks." 

I fall asleep halfway through the Lego 2 movie.

[vikings-til-valhalla]

Hey, another random follower here I can't help with the situation at hand, it's horrible and taxing and i really hope things will be okay, besides possibly giving you some affirmation, however valuable a strangers affirmation can be. You're doing literally everything you can to help your loved ones and they're lucky to have you close. You've called the police for your friend and you've learned about your sister, your mom is safe (as far as I understand). I know those days or weeks where you can't shower and take care of yourself and THEN you get shit piled on you on top of that, and you're hella damn strong to keep going as you are. You can find a new job tomorrow, or the day after, when everything (hopefully) has calmed down just a bit. Is there a way to maybe have your sister stay at your place a bit? Helping with your mother might do good for both of you, giving her a bit of distraction and yourself a moment to rest. (and you would know she's alright) I'm wishing you best of luck, calling the police is scary and shit, but the right call in a situation like this. Saved one of my friends lives, too. Things have likely happened by now, and I don't know the outcome, but I hope he's alright. Things will be fine again. Somehow, they have to be. Can you drink a glass of water, please? (I don't mean this in a condescending way, just in case you haven't been drinking much today bc of everything that happened) You got your cat to take care of, and Elder Scrolls 6 has been announced (whenever we will get new news on it) There's always more things to look forwards to, no matter how horrible the situation. If you need someone to talk to, rant to, tell someone about your favorite Skyrim build and how broken it is or something of the like, feel free to write me whenever. Lots of love

Thank you, friend. Thank you more than what I can put into words right now.

Today is no better than yesterday. In fact, it's worse. I'm being forced to care for others at a time when I can't even care for myself. Everyone in my house is leaving to care for themselves, or isn't responding because they're too busy with themselves, and won't help me out at all. Every single second I spend not caring for someone else is time I'm spending being selfish and doing things wrong. My father, the shitass fuck he is who abuses me, he accused me of ignoring my mom in favor of my friend whose life was on the line. Mom has others who can help, they can come home and care for her, she isn't going to die. My friend though?? I'm not sure if he's even alive right now. And when I went to take a shower, I was needed to care for mom because I had to get mom some supplies, and sis was probably high again and couldn't do it herself. When I got back I tried to shower again, and sis said she was going out for an hour so I couldn't. THEN!!!! I got another text from sis!!!! She had to go to an appointment and guess who was left to watch mom???!!!! Mom finally said to take a shower, so I did. I've got pants on. I don't have anything else to wear because I have no chance or energy to do laundry today. My brothers are not answering anyone as they never pick up their phones for the house, but rather just for friends. I'm so stretched thin and all I can do is hold out hope that therapy does something for me tomorrow when I have my scheduled appointment. And, that I can pay for the appointment at all for that matter. A friend came back to town and said I can stay with her if I need, but I know that, if I do, my father will spam me with angry and guilting phone calls and texts, then sis will as well because they're one in the same, until I come home. And if sis finds out I was fired because of her, she'll lose it. If father finds out, he'll cut off all my outside contact on all my devices and I'll be helpless with no way to get help, until I land another job. And I'll never stop hearing him tell me it's my fault I lost my job, even though it isn't. I'm tired... So tired... But nobody will let me sleep. Not even for a few minutes. And if they do allow me by some chance, then somebody else is suddenly in danger and I have to stay up to help them. When it's not one it's the other, when it's not this it's that. There is no winning. And I am just tired of it. Life isn't about winning, it's about compromise and finding a balance. But the scales are tipped to one side entirely and leaving me hanging with no possible way to rebalance them.

[rareslikespastelpink]

.

Honestly I don't understand why when a family member dies these niggas try to hit me up. Like bitch, if my silence isn't an answer enough that I want to be left alone I don't know what is.

I was treated like I wasn't shit, like I wasn't going to amount to anything. Treated like shit for being female and the first born daughter. No one tried to help me when I graduated highschool, no support either.

My older brother use to call me a stupid slut, my younger brother use to shit on me for being in special education and my younger sister was such a bitch to me. Granted that now she is the only one who actually acknowledged the abuse and apologized. I just haven't let her in because I still hold resentment at the fact that she got two loving parents and a better life than me.

She was born when I was like 10 or 11 years old. My mom still had a chance to give me a good life as well. No excuses.

They just think when a family member passes away it means I'm suppose to join them and we'll be one big happy family. Like they want to get in touch with me because oh I gotta see her in case she dies and we never get to talk to her ever again.

Fuck off with that shit. When I was living you treated me like shit, so it means nothing to me. I'm that kind of person when you fuck me over so many times I simply stop caring. Honestly I only loved them out of obligation I realized I never really did.

I'd get chastised for treating friends better than them. They'd say shit like: "Not every person that smiles in your face is your friend."

But here's the thing, my friends respected me and were nice to me. Even the teachers treated me better and respected me. Shit momster got SSI money for me and just spent it on herself.

And then those 3 times in highschool I was left after school til 8pm because running errands was more important than getting me from school. Yet this bitch wouldn't let me go outside because essentially she thought I was too stupid.

All the times I had to stay after school til 6pm, hungry as shit because she was too strung out on her damn pills to come get me from school. I had to wait til her husband got off work to get me.

It got so bad I stole all of her silver dollars so I could get food from 7-eleven. I was always short, but the dudes at the cash register were nice and covered what I couldn't afford.

Also Grandmonster complained about gas money to me everytime I needed a ride to school. Like bitch I'm a kid, I'm sorry I need help. It wasn't my fault.

Then all the times momster and her husband would go out to eat and bring us nothing back. Everything would need to be cooked and she wouldn't teach us how to cook.

Essentially big fuck you to them. I finally feel comfortable and confident in myself. Sure I still struggle with somethings, but I'm working on it.

Sure I'm a decent person I wouldn't say I'm a good person. But I try my best to be one. I don't want to be a good person to go to heaven, I want to be a good person because it's the right thing to do.

So many people have helped me along the way especially when I was at my worst and I want to do the same in anyway that I can. Any help I can get in life will always be appreciated.

So fuck them and fuck them for not respecting my boundary of no contact. I want to punch momsters husband in the face for giving these niggas' my number. I didn't say his bitch ass could do that. They should have deleted my number the day I cut contact.

Before this momster kept texting me and leaving me voicemails. I actually was going to see her before she passed and it was just so she would leave me alone. I really do just want them to understand that it is my decision to be estranged. Nothing more.

Ugh then my roommate gon knock on my door and ask if we have a problem because I stopped responding to her texts. Yeah because I'm fed up with her nasty ass. We do have a problem, but I don't have the energy to fight this battle.

She's been told atleast 5 times and I don't want to say anything because at that point you're talking to a wall. So yeah.

But honestly I'm not angry at them. I feel so good rightnow that I don't have the energy to be angry anymore. I plan to go to California but I'll be going with two very good friends, so I won't be by myself. I'll be telling them to their face to leave me alone and in a public place so they can't act all crazy.

Ugh so long, but yeah. I very much appreciate all the people I've met in my life. Even the ones I don't talk to anymore, I sincerely hope life is treating them great.

Anyways off to bed, I'm tired.

[softie-rain]

Long vent you're free to ignore 👍🏻

I have this best friend. They're amazing, I've known him for almost three years now, and they're literally my comfort person. We'd spent weeks talking to each other, we talked, laughed, comforted each other. Everything. He lives in the usa, there's a 9 hours difference, but everytime one woke up the other was already awake, and so we'd go on talking until the other would go to bed just to start again. Weird, but it worked.

Of course there were days where we didn't talked to each other, but talking to them was literally my favourite thing to do. I felt like i had finally found my person. He helped me realize I was genderfluid when i didn't even knew what that meant, he helped me accepting that i was demisexual. They helped me when i was feeling extremely depressed, they were always there for me. And so was I. Always helped him, always supported them, never left each other. He's one of the few person I was 100% would never leave me, never doubted they loved me.

But lately something changed. It started this summer, we just started talking less and less. I didn't found it weird, it happens sometimes that we wouldn't talk for a while. But in the last month we barely spoke. I text him, they answer with the name energy, we exchange one or two texts and then he stops answering, and it's like they disappear.

I know they're fine because they post stories on insta and photos with his boyfriend, so i don't really get what happened. I know he has his issues, his problems, and i don't want to feel like I'm being the victim just because we barely talk anymore.

To pur a concrete example, I texted him a month ago about this "audition" i had, and he answered five days ago because i sent him a photo of a videogame i was playing. They replied stuff like "SO COOL!!!" and "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!" I thanked him and he didn't texted anything back.

i texted him again today to say that i missed him, he replied saying I miss u too so much!!

I asked him how he was doing because we haven't spoke much lately, and he stopped texting again. It's been like this since july, and lately it got "worse". I just feel like they don't want to speak to me anymore and they don't wanna spend time with me, and i feel terribly alone. They were genuinely the only person who i felt like actually got me and even if i have two other best friends who are literally my life savers, i don't think I can go on without them.

Any time i felt like i had no one to talk to I'd text him, but now he could take literally weeks to text back. I don't want to make it look like it's their fault or anything, it's not. But we went from talking each day to barely talking anymore so I'm just confused and sad. That's all.

But at the same time i don't wanna depend on them. And fuck i basically do, and i feel so extremely clingy now. I have friends who probably love me. Why do i feel alone. I know people love me. I know it's my fault. But every time i think about this my head automatically says I'm doing it for attention, than I'm not actually alone and i just want to feel different.

BRO ATTENTION OF WHO THAT I CRY ALONE IN MY ROOM AT 4AM TF IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN i hate myself so fucking much.

[shadyvoidkoala]

I haven't left my house in a while.. I have 8,000 photos/memes/ poems/smut and nonsense saved on just my Google Cloud alone, All these words go nowhere. They Just keep stacking up, hiding me away so I can remember who I am.

I've shared some on Facebook but I've really not had a healthy outlet to show the world who I am. Most people tell me to hush and not use so many words. They dont like the anger or the resentment and all that blah when it hurts real bad so I usually just keep to myself. I can see why their mad. They don't see that I manifest good things now. They only see when my energy is low. At least I'm not hurting myself as I write.. I feel bad that they hurt because of my words though. I've also learned that if they wanted you to write soft and sweet about them then maybe they should have behaved better.

My story? We'll get there. It's hard for me to even bare most days. I cry allot. All the time. In silence, and outloud. Wailing like wild cat in distress. Those are the worst. When I recall it all. It might take a while to get it out. Or it might not. I'm pretty unstable and I'm not even sure what will happen from time to time. I could spill my soul and tell you everything wrong that's ever happened and try to convince you it's my fault. What's the point though? My perception of life is different from yours as well as theirs and yours is different from mine and so on. No need to argue. I'll always have questions though. I'm sometimes open to answers. Not many people I know understand a Survivors guilt. Or what it feels like to grieve people still alive. There's So much self hatred to be a survivor of so much. Most days I wish I could hug my mom. Either one. My mother, she gave me my soul but that's all she gave me. I often wonder, what would have been like if she hadn't of sent me with my creep of a father, and then everything that played out after that. I guess we'll never know. What even is this life?

The great philosophers before us said to see with our eyes, and speak your point but in little words. That's why we are given 2 eyes and one tongue.

What does that even mean when all you have is words? The entire world runs on words. We could express the same conviction as a lawyer to speak our truth to a judge but if our words aren't from a thesaurus they mean nothing. Yet our emotions run like a river flowing so hard you just drowned from sound. Sometimes its best to just be quiet. Yet that too, means nothing. So you should also scream if you feel you should scream. I hope nobody sees me, but if they do. Do not count on me, because I have failed many times and I may fail you too. I'm still here here though. Like a boomerang. Like a Phoenix. Impossible to stop, so are you. So obviously I need to tell you to rise from your ashes. We've done it every time, and we'll keep doing it until we get it right. Do it every time. every time. For you. You deserve it. Nothing that happens to you is your fault. We have to endure the lessons as they come and remember that nobody elses actions are a direct reflection of you. There's nothing wrong with you, you're self aware now and you have boundaries so you've learned your lessons. Stop beating yourself up. You've been through it enough. You learned. Don't give up on yourself. The Survivors resilience is unmatched.

I hope I'm comfortable enough here to show me. Hi I'm Ammy. Hopefully I can inspire someone and myself to leave the house soon. Sometimes the sun is nice. Sorry for my rambles.

[stylesyourmine]

safe space ll jj maybank <3

a/n: hi my lovelies! since i posted my last fic, i've seen so much love on it! wanted to say thank you so much for this warm welcome <3 if you're new here, dont worry i am too! i absolutely loved writing that fic :) please please please feel free to leave feedback in the comments or in the ask box! (it helps a ton) anyways, lets just get straight into today's fic....

pairings: jj x reader

protective!jj soft!jj

word count: 1569

warnings: cursing, fighting with parents, nothing more really.

it was a wednesday morning, bright and early at the exact time of 10:12 am. 'shit', you thought, you should've been in school. but instead of getting up and actually doing something to react to that statement you stayed tangled in your cozy warm sheets. you were doing nothing more than staring at a wall.

this whole week had felt off, you hadn't been to school once. you weren't one to ever miss classes like this, to not do anything but mope. but you honestly just couldn't help it. you and your parents had been having some disagreements lately, some over stupid shit like taking out the trash or cleaning the dishes. but then there were others, like the biggest one, that basically started this all. you quitting your job.

your parents had owned a major clothing shop in figure 8, but it just got to be way too much. you weren't focusing at all, on anything other than this job. it was like it owned you.

you guys weren't rich, but you weren't poor either. you sort of lived in the middle of the pogue/kook borders. you were always considered a pogue though. to go around calling yourself a kook would be social death. the high school you went to was on the pogue side of the island, and so were all of your friends, and boyfriend. yet another big topic on the terms of disagreements.

the pogues were bad influences.

so your parents said anyways, little do they know you were the one scoring the weed every month. it was exhausting, coming out of your room to find your parents yelling at you for minor things that really only bothered them because they were already pissed at you. it wasn't like they were shorthanded, because you really only worked there to make money of your own. no. they were mad because in their minds, you quit because you wanted more time to hang out with your friends. its not a total lie, but it isn't complete truth either. you weren't happy there, everyday it was stress on top of stress and you just didn't want that anymore. you wanted to focus on school and your social life. why couldn't they accept that?

ping

from : my boyfriend <3

hey baby, checking up on you- you've missed school this whole week and haven't text me/seen me since sunday. you ok?

from : john bizzle b

yo. where are you? i need the answers to ms.reds test tmr. call me.

from : braniac maniac

y/n, you are only allowed 7 absences before its a failure grade. you have 3 already, dont make me march to your house. also, are you doing alright?

you picked up your phone, reading the texts in order they came from. pope had text you first, then john b, then jj. god, you didn't even let them know you didn't feel like going in. they didn't even know about the fights with your parents, you didn't want them feeling like it was their faults.

groaning from the bright light, you sent a quick text back to only jj, hoping he would relay the message. you didn't have the energy to text them all back.

to : my boyfriend <3

pay attention to your classes lover boy, i'm fine dont worry. love you.

sighing out loud, you got up out of bed, praying and hoping that neither of your parents were home to bust you. and just as you thought it, and turned your doorknob its like it was magic, your mom was standing in front of you with her arms crossed. her figure made you jump back a little, that of all things was not what you were expecting. how were you getting out of this one?

"what the hell do you think you're doing home? you have school last i checked." her tone was demanding, she was not joking around. she was waiting for a legitimate answer. one that maybe just maybe you could pin some fake illness on?

"i um- i woke up and didn't feel so goo-" you started,

ping

your phone interrupted your excuse, making you stop talking and both of your eyes fall to your side, where your hand was holding it. your mothers hand outreaches and grabs it, reading whatever text was on the screen. her face flashed with anger as she turned the phone, having it face you now.it was jj. shit. you knew this couldn't be good, especially how your parents feel about jj.

from : my boyfriend <3

fuck the classes, i'm coming over after school. no negotiations. i love you.

great. now your mom thought you weren't going to school because of jj. she flipped the phone towards her again and shook her head with a negative attitude.

"this phone. its mine now. no more friends, no more jj. you're going back to school tomorrow but for now?! now you're going into your room. go." she pointed towards inside your room, you guys had been standing at your door for the whole time.

you couldn't understand how she didn't give you a chance to explain what had happened, not now and not when you wanted to explain why you quit.

you started to protest, "but mom i-"

"no complaining. no phone, no friends, no jj. that's it." she then to your surprise, took your door handle and slammed the door shut in front of your face, with such disrespect.

at that moment, you just couldn't. the tears wouldn't stop coming, you wanted out of here. all you wanted to do is scream. at the top of your lungs. you were panicking and sobbing.

6:23 pm......

puck.

puck.

puck.

you're now lying on the cold floor of your bedroom, with tears all over your face. once you hear that ridiculous noise one more time, you get up, it coming from your window. you opened the curtain to see a certain fluffy blonde haired- green eyed hunk you so knew as your boyfriend down at the bottom of the yard. he'd been throwing rocks at the window to get your attention.

"heyy! finally, y/n/n i've called you like 12 times! what are you do- are you crying?" he squinted and climbed the ladder you put up mischievously one day, in order for jj to get in and out whenever he needed.

you sniffled in and dropped your face on your bed, directly behind you. just as jj came up, his hands landed on your waist puling you up from whatever you were trying to do.

"hey hey hey pretty girl- why are we cryin?" his hands immediately came up to your face and wiped all the hair that was stuck to your face and you just grabbed him in for a big embrace. you needed him. all the fighting, all the headaches, the only thing you ever needed was him.

you brought your hand up to your nose, vigorously wiping your face, trying to calm down a bit.

"my parents- i quit my job, which you know but i did it because it was so so stressful. and now they grounded me because i feel like i'm entitled to more time with you and the rest of the pogues then working. my mom-she saw the last text you had sent me and thought i was ditching to be with you. i just couldn't do it anymore j. its like they wont give me a break." he just stared at you with his deep green eyes, making you feel so much better already.

slipping past him quickly, you grab a duffel bag- grabbing whatever clothes you can find around you. he looks at you with a sad expression on his face, as you raced around your room.

"what are you doing baby?" he asked slowly.

"i'm leaving. we're leaving. to the chateau, or anywhere. i just cant be here." with the bag now full you went up to him, him grabbing your hand and helping you down the ladder. first you threw your clothes, and then climbed down with his help.

you saw the twinkie, and familiar faces when you ran up to it. jj reaching out to the door, opening it for you. you got in and saw your friends- pope, kie, john b, and sarah all waiting in there for you. they were there for you. they all greeted you, asked what was wrong and attacked you with all sorts of questions as jj backed out of your families driveway as fast as he could. your heart was pumping. this was riveting.

once you got to the chateau, everyone got out and john b took your duffel, shouting out a remark about how he would be waiting for you inside to study.

leaving you and jj outside of the twinkie, staring at the moon.

"its gonna be okay sweetheart, i promise." his fingers intertwined with yours and suddenly, everything was going to be okay.

because he, was your safe space.

a/n: hi hi!! this was my second go at a fic! what are we thinkin?! please please feel free to drop some feedback in the comments, it would help tremendously. im so proud of these lately! thank you all <3

[stylistiquements]

Day 1 : Soap Bubbles.

𐐪𐑂 Pairing : Sapnap x fem!reader {Playlist}

𐐪𐑂 Summary : You're being introduce to the internet in a peculiar way, it's up to you to decide what you're going to do with it.

𐐪𐑂 Word count : 1.4k | W: written part underneath

𐐪𐑂 Warning : very few swears

Masterlist | Previous | Next

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・　　 .・゜゜・　　・゜゜・

The coffee that sinks inside your stomach brings out a grimace and a click of your tongue where the taste stains; too bitter, too acidic but you’ll drink it anyway and to the last drop; there is something about the idea of spending time with three best friends that is so made of spring and honey that you wish to miss none of it.

“Someone is lurking,” George contemplates out loud, and the call goes silent for a second as if to look for the intruder. And it would so easy to flinch, to hit the back pedal, because you almost feel like one being exposed front stage like that. But today- today is not that day.

It's not that you don't want to join the discussion, it's that it takes a second to warm up, to absorb the energy and become one with it.

And sometimes, all it takes is Sapnap to exclaim, “Panini head, my beloved!” for your smile synchronizes with his chuckles. Somehow, once noticed by the right person, life flows back naturally.

George and Dream greets you in trailing unison, like two kids forced to greet their unwelcomed aunt on a sunday afternoon.

“H-hey troublemakers,” you finally say. Your voice is still quiet, not reluctant, but rather uncertain. It doesn't bother anyone.

“I’m beating Dream’s ass at chess and he’s bitter,” Sap explains, and you silently nod, as if they were able to see you.

A long silence follows along, rythmed by clicks of mouses and keyboards and it falls in your ears like high droplets. It's comfortable. It's intimate, shared with friends only.

"We haven't heard from you in a while," Dream says. "I mean ... before the clout fiasco."

You wouldn't exactly call it a fiasco, even though you don't really like the idea of being perceived a little too closely from the eyes of twitter.com, but you do agree anyway, "I've been caught up on college essays lately."

"That sucks," George probably adds.

“Good thing you’re here, then,” Dream notes, simple as a breath. “This is a worry-free zone.”

It hovers for a second, carried by George’s approval hum.

You squint suspiciously, detective mode, at the profile pictures that light on and off before your eyes, “Thanks, dream.”

He scoffs a “sure” and you’re not sure why you sense a bit of irony stuck on the back of his teeth. You're so tempted to call him out, but you don't. Instead, you write a mental note of this odd moment.

“It’s because I told him about your three brothers and now he’s scared they’re gonna find him and kick his ass,” Sap explains as if he just read your mind.

Sometimes, there’s this thing in the air, though you’re miles away. Something like a connection. There’s this thing when you don’t need to talk for Sap to understand. Sharing one brain cell, you dismiss ironically. Probably coincidences and predictability, but it always sounds a little special, a little like something you’d wish to be out of this world, like morning dew and fairy circles. And it makes you feel safe, at home, just like snuggling up in the sheets during a stormy night. Your smile washes up the sleeve of your hoodie, covered palm carefully hiding your chuckles.

“Three older brothers,” George muses, and there’s no telling if it’s something meant for you to hear. “That’s kinda scary.”

“You better be scared, one of them is probably your FBI agent,” you tease mindlessly, though there's nothing scary about those three grown men.

“I’m British, Bunny,” he points out. Whether the exasperation in his tone is fake or genuine, that, you can’t tell, but you play it cool, grin carved so deep it almost hurts. Dream’s wheezes rise and fall in the background.

“Say that to his face then,” you outbid smirkingly after a second of silence, heels growing into the carpet to make your chair spin slowly left and right, so breezily.

“I’d praise you for the rest of my life if you-Oooooooh your ass is wacked. Your ass is so wacked, dude. You fucked up so bad,” Sapnap chokes out between strings of giggles.

“Oh no, my streamer is losing his game?” You theatrically pout. “My streamer Dreamwastaken, have you met him? Guess you don’t need any of my brothers to kick your ass.”

“Okay yeah- no- it’s not my fault if your- they’re distracting me, okay?” Dream defends.

Slowly, the energy lowers again and the call remembers peace as Dream admits defeat.

“I’m not playing against you anymore,” he mumbles through greeted teeth, your hoodie shelters a muffled giggle. “Let’s talk about y/n’s twitter fame instead.”

“Let’s just not-” you mutter, both because seeing Dream lose at something is a miracle that has to be witnessed once and because you’re somewhat reluctant. “Let’s just not talk about that.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea it would draw this much attention to you,” Sap admits.

“Well, you talk about her all the time it was only a matter of time before twitter finds out,” George taunts and you secretly smile, listening to the way your best friend tries to defend himself, mind flooded with the last memories you have of when you were able to see those chuckles for real.

“Yeah, Quackity already told me you guys talk behind my back,” you fakely muse. “That’s totally fine, I don’t wanna know what you guys are talking about at all.” It’s a lie, obviously, the idea creeps upon your mind with assumptions you can’t quite get a grip of nor let go.

“You and Quackity talk?’ Sapnap asks, hint of surprise, and you hum.

“Or rather, he talks to me. He keeps calling-.” Shit. The forsaken word traps itself into your mouth. It’s too silly anyway.

“Come on, just say it,” Dream pushes as if he knew too much, more than you even do, and your cheeks flush mindlessly. You don’t notice.

“Dream, quit it!” You demand.

“Quit what?”

“You talk as if you knew more than anyone did.”

“Maybe I just do,” he coos, so dream-like.

Oblivious or careless, Sapnap asks, “Is Quackity bothering you or something?”

“He-" you begin but stop to look for the right way to put it, "He triggers my flight or fight response.”

"I mean, duh," Sapnap probably rolls his eyes.

"But I like him. He's funny."

After a second of silence, George says, “Well that was unexpected.”

“Not so much, I think we’re both chaotic neutral people.”

“What is that neutral chaotic thing anyway?” Dream is confused.

Roll up your sleeve girl boss because now is your time to shine! You offer your best dream smp alignment chart to the classroom. They're speechless, but they listen carefully.

"Then you're more chaotic good than neutral. You're too sweet anyway," Sap says.

"I'd even say lawful good," George debates.

"That's because you haven't seen Bunny during her crazy cat hour."

"True," you note.

"She'll go absolutely batshit."

“What?" George burst between confusion and surprise. "We've never seen you like that."

"A lady never reveal her secrets," you retort. No one answer.

It leaves a second for your mind to enjoy peace. For your eyes to lay on c!tubbo on lawful good and think true, then on c!dream on chaotic evil and think also very true. You huff and it's like a wave; as sarcasm leaves your breath, an idea comes in.

"Sap, check your DMs," you request.

Surrounded by the evening lull, Sapnap’s laugh pops like soap bubbles, "God, you’re so stupid. Why can't you just marry me?"

“So, is it Sapnap approved?” You chuckle lightly to prevent Sapnap’s morning fresh laugh to fill your chest and leak everywhere.

“Just press ‘send tweet’ please,” he confirms with leftovers of a smile in his voice.

"George, get me out of here. They're doing it again," Dream whines.

"Doing what?" He asks, unbothered.

"Act like they're alone in the convo. Just get a room." And you don't get to stand up for yourself that you and your best friend are actually sent to another room.

"Well this one is chaotic evil confirmed," you mumble as you roll your eyes but the vibes are much peaceful, much more comfortable in here. "So ... hi."

"Hi," he chuckles in return.

Maybe that's for the best; a moment that needs to stay a little timeless, secretive and special. It hasn't happened in so long, you don't even remember the last time it did.

"I'm glad you're here. I miss you, you know?" He says, and it's hard to not feel so bittersweet about it. It's hard when longing involves a craved touch, a real smile and an eye contact. Your shoulder sinks in the chair a little harder.

"I miss you too. I'll be here soon," you promise. And soon couldn't come any sooner.

But the conversation, soft and free, will wash up any worries, as always, and you'll end up talking about everything and nothing, about streams and planned videos and college and god knows what. As long as it makes the two of you happy and smiling. Just like the old days, you'll both think and it's fair to say until the evening turns into night and night turns into fatigue.

"Are you sure you're okay about that clout?" He asks once again. "I know you don't like being exposed like that."

"Yeah, yeah don't worry too much about it. I'll try to make good use of it."

"I'm sure you will," he murmurs, but oh boy did he not know what was about to come until you two meet.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・　　 .・゜゜・　　・゜゜・

Taglist : @open-minded-chip-101 ; @itsoakaa ; @gaysludge

A/N : so first of all it has come to my attention that 129 days from now on is actually my birthday so that's a weird coincidence lol. Hi how are you guys?? welcome to the first part I hope you liked it. I'm fairly new to the mcyt community and that's the first time I write for them, so bear with me. Feedbacks are always appreciated. Until next time (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

[blueeyedgeorgie]

The One That Got Away-Dream Was Taken

Pronouns: She/her

Word Count: 2.4k+

_____________

'You're gonna be there, right?'

Y/n bit her lip, reading the text message for what felt like the millionth time. She had texted him 40 minutes ago, yet no reply. This had become so much more common recently and she had no idea why. Maybe it wasn't such a big deal, but it felt important to Y/n. Clay would never leave her on delivered for more than ten minutes. Even when he was streaming, he'd text her before he had begun, telling her when he'd be finished.

Tonight was an important night, they had been planning for this for months. A few members of The Dream SMP server had come out to Florida to meet up. They had planned to meet up for dinner and maybe a bottle of wine at Y/n's house afterward.

Y/n admired herself in the mirror, she wore a black dress that complimented her body well. She felt gorgeous for the first time in weeks. Usually, she didn't rely on items to make her feel good about herself. Clay was always there to compliment her or assure she was pretty. But recently, he just seemed to disappear.

It felt so hard to connect with him recently, Clay had become so quiet. Every time she texted him, she was left on delivered for hours if she wasn't left on read. It was rare for him to even send a brief text back to her nowadays. Weeks had passed since the last time Y/n was able to see Patches or hang out with Clay.

At this point, it felt like Y/n was at war with herself. Half of her was so demotivated, maybe it was time to finally leave Clay alone. The other half was demanding they had to keep trying, their friendship was just going through a rough patch right now.

'You know why you're trying to hold onto this friendship, you have feelings for him.' Y/n swallowed hard while the thought of Clay appeared in her mind again. It was true, she had grown a small crush on her blonde friend. But it wasn't her fault, It was because of the way he use to be so protective of her. The way his face lit up when he laughed. The way he just knew something was wrong. 'But that doesn't matter. It's obvious he'll never feel the same way about you.'

Before she had gotten another chance to argue with herself, Y/n's phone had buzzed. Clay? ...Wilbur.

'Hey, I'm gonna uber to the restaurant in the next few minutes. On your way?"

Letting out a sigh, she typed away. 'Getting in the car in five minutes.' She took one more glance at herself in the mirror. "He's going to be there, I know it."

"Y/n!"

"George!" Y/n smiled, picking up her pace as soon as she spotted her friend. Their arms wrapped around each other, holding one another tight. "It's so good to see you."

George let out a short laugh, "It's good to see you too, Y/n." He pulled away from the hug. He had dressed in a suit, they had planned to meet at an expensive restaurant for the night. It was recommended by Clay, it was one of his favorites.

"Anyways, we should go find our table, I think Wilbur's already here."

The pair walked side by side, friendly banter being spoken between them as they entered the restaurant. Nostalgia immediately hit Y/n as they passed through the doors, it wasn't her first time here. Multiple times in the past, Clay had brought Y/n out to eat here. The first time they ate here was the first time she had seen him in a suit.

"Y/n?"

"Oh, yes?" The h/c girl had quickly snapped back into reality, looking to her right. "I'm sorry, lost my train of thought for a moment."

"It's fine, I think I see Wilbur." George motioned to look across the room, there at a round table was another friend from the UK. Wilbur sat down, looking at something in his lap.

Biting down on her lip, Y/n had to fight back the urge to yell aloud; "Wilbur!" And run to him. When the lanky man had noticed his friends, he smiled and stood from his chair.

"Wilbur!" she whispered quietly, trying not to disturb the other tables. Quickly she shuffled over to give as big a hug as she could.

"Y/n!" He whispered back, returning the exact energy she gave.

One by one, more and more friends had arrived. Everyone seemed so happy to see each other. Eventually, it seemed as though each person was lost in a conversation... besides Y/n. She had been staring down at her phone, she was still left on delivered by Clay. 'What a dick.'

"hey, Y/n." Her head shot up, looking across the table. Niki sat there with a smile, "Just curious, is Clay showing up tonight?"

Y/n's smile faded for a second, only to reappear. "I... I doubt it. I haven't received a text message back from him, and he hasn't answered any of my calls for these past few days." She ignored George and Nick, who gave each other a certain look as she spoke. But at this point, it didn't matter. Clay wasn't going to ruin Y/n's night with her friends.

"Here, let me try and call him... would that be alright, Y/n?" George was already standing as he spoke, his phone in one of his hands.

She flashed a faked smile at him, "Yeah, I don't care, Gogy."

With that, George had excused himself from the table, already beginning to pull up Clay's contact before he even reached outside. Y/n help her breathe for a moment, watching her British friend disappear around the corner, out of sight. Usually, 'out of sight, out of mind' made sense, but not in this case. Y/n could feel her stomach doing backflips as she glanced from her phone, checking the time, only to look back to see if George had returned yet. It practically felt like time had slowed down, trying to drag these few minutes out as long as possible.

When George had returned, Y/n could already tell he didn't have good news. Just by the look on his face, she knew Clay had flaked out on all of his friends.

"Clay's gonna be a little bit late, he's bringing a surprise with him."

"A surprise?"

What surprise could Clay possibly be planning? Whatever it was, Y/n hoped it would be something to help keep their friendship from breaking apart. "Did he mention how long it'd take for him to show up?"

"He said, 15-20 minutes."

"So let's just order drinks now, he can get whatever he likes when he shows up.

If time wasn't slow enough while George was on the phone, it felt like she was stuck in time. Y/n had begun to pick at her nails nervously, this was going to be the first time they saw one another in weeks.

"Hey," Y/n felt Wilbur place a hand on her shoulder, pulling her out of her thoughts again. "Look."

She glanced up at the entrance. There he was, wearing the suit she had seen him wear for the first time. A giant grin was on Clay's face as he walked, he looked to his left. And there she was... a blond-haired girl wearing the exact same dress Y/n had picked out for tonight. Y/n could feel her cheeks flush in embarrassment.

"Hey guys," Clay spoke as soon as he came into earshot of his friends. Looking over the table, his eyes looked with Y/n's for a short second. "I want you to meet Elise."

One by one, Elise had introduced herself to each of Clay's friends. But when she reached Y/n, it felt like a stab in the stomach. "Omg, hi! You must be Y/n!" She was pulled into a quick, bone-breaking hug, "I love your dress! Oh, we're matching! How cute!" She just seemed to perfect, she was so much better than Y/n.

While an extra chair had been pulled up the table, everyone was lost in conversation. Except for Y/n, she had stayed quiet. Every now and then, she'd look over to Clay, who sat across the table. Their eyes would lock every couple of times, a strange feeling laid in the pit of her stomach when it would happen.

It seemed as though Wilbur had caught onto Y/n's anxiety. He was quick to offer his hand, allowing his friend to hold it under the table. Wilbur had always been a good friend to her, if Y/n wouldn't tell Clay about something, she'd turn to her brunette friend. So of course, he knew about her feelings towards Clay.

After placing everyone's orders, Y/n just couldn't take it anymore. Standing, she moved across the table. "Clay, could I get a moment to speak to you outside?"

"Uh, sure... Y/n." He was hesitant to stand. Before leaving the table, he had whispered something into Elise's ear.

The short walk outside was quiet. There was obvious tension between them. When the front doors opened, Clay had begun to speak.  "I-"

"No. Not right here. Around the corner." Y/n didn't stop walking, making a direct beeline for the alleyway on the left of the building. She could hear Clay let out a sigh behind her, only making her fight the urge to yell a brief; 'fuck you,' at him.

When they were finally around the corner, she had turned on her heels to face the 6'3 man. "What the fuck, Clay?"

"What?"

" 'What?' You don't get to ghost me for weeks then reply with, 'what?'  Do you know what a dick move that is? Where have you been?" She practically hissed at him, crossing her arms as she spoke. If it was possible, steam would leave her body from how upset she was.

"I've been busy, Y/n."

"Busy? So that means you cut me out of your life? After being friends for months?"

"You aren't the most important thing in my life, Y/n. You should know that." It was Clay's turn to give Y/n a nasty look. But at this point, she didn't care.

"I know, I shouldn't be the most important person in your life, Clay. But that doesn't mean shut me out of your life." She snapped at him, pushing herself up against his chest, "You know what would've been nice? Not being left on delivered or read. It would've been nice if I could receive a text every now and then catching me up about your life."

"As I said, I was busy."

"Busy! That's your only excuse, pathetic. I can tell you're busy, you have a girlfriend and I never got to meet her."

"Well,-"

"Am I the only one who didn't know about her?"

Clay froze. he knew this was the end of the line for him.

"Clay." His silence spoke loud enough. "I'm happy for you, I really am. But... it fucking hurts, you know." Y/n let out a short giggle, she could feel her eyes watering. "I loved you, you know. I loved you so damn much. If you told me to do something, I'd do it with hesitation. But it's crystal clear the feelings aren't mutual."

"Y/n..."

"No, it's fine. I'm gonna leave. Don't worry, I've ruined the night, I'm sorry. Enjoy your time with your friends, Clay. Don't let me rain on your parade any longer." Y/n had stepped back, trying to move past her friend.

"Y/n, listen to me."

"Move, Clay. God damn it."

For a few seconds, Clay continued to try and catch her attention, refusing to let her past. "Y/n, shut the fuck up. Listen to me." Out of frustration, Clay had grabbed onto the girl's shoulders, pushing her against the wall. Y/n looked down at the ground, batting back tears. "Y/n..." he sighed, moving one of his hands under her chin gently. Carefully, he made her look up at him. He always hated seeing her cry.

"I'm an idiot. A big one. Y/n... I love you too. I just didn't think you felt the same, so I decided to push you out. I looked for love somewhere else and I found Elise. But Y/n, I really do love you."

"No, you don't..." Y/n whispered softly, she shook her head as a dumb smile appeared on her face. "If you loved me, you would've made a move. You wouldn't have closed me out of your life for weeks. You wouldn't have found someone new to love. Please don't bullshit me, Clay. You know I'm not stupid."

"Y/n..." clay could feel his heart begin to crack, it hurt to see her like this.

"Please just let me go," her voice was soft as she spoke. He really did hurt her heart. "I want to say goodbye to my friends."

"I..." Letting out a sigh, he stepped back, "alright."

Clay watched as Y/n disappeared around the corner, wiping tears from her face. Why was he such a fool to let her go?

Y/n smiled as soon as her table came into sight. It would all be quick and easy. As soon as Elise noticed her, she stood from her seat. "Oh my god, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just a bit chilly outside," Y/n replied, pulling Elise in for a hug. "It was so nice to meet you. You're such a lovely girl to talk to."

"Right back at you," Elise smiled at Y/n, taking her seat again.

One by one, Y/n gave each of her friends a hug goodbye. When Wilbur held her, she was quick to whisper something brief to him: "Walk me to my car?" Wilbur nodded, taking her purse for her as they walked out. On their way out, Clay had passed by them. He kept to himself, looking the other way when Y/n came into sight. When he was out of earshot, Wilbur spoke up.

"Are you okay?"

"Honestly, no. I just wanna go home and cry." Y/n let out a huff of breath. She was speed walking to keep up with her tall friend.

"Do you want me to tag along?"

"Please." As the night continued on, it seemed like both Clay's and Y/n's moods had changed drastically. While Y/n was at home watching movies and laughing with one of her best friends, Clay was stuck in the place that reminded him of Y/n, thinking about how she'd be the one who got away. Did it hurt him? Yes, but he deserved it. He was the one who ruined it all. Nothing would be the same after tonight.

[angstyaches]

If you're still taking prompts- Felix and Elliott haven't seen each other all day, and Elliott's been gassy all day, so when he finally gets to talk to Felix that night, Felix is really angry for some reason but E hasn't been feeling good so Felix takes care of him cause he feels bad and Elliott is just in so much pain 💔 Sorry English isn't my first language -🍫

Thank you for this request, it’s just lovely, and I’ve been so excited to get it finished for you! I couldn’t think of anything that would result in Felix being just the right amount of angry for this scenario, so he’s more annoyed than angry.

Also, we’re just going to ignore the fact that having someone heavier than you lie on your chest restricts your breathing, because Elliott deserves this, damn it.

CW: burping, stomach and chest pains, stomach noises, mention of vampire drinking (animal) blood, slight over-indulgence, slight mention of coming out a prolonged bout of nausea and lack of appetite.

___

“So,” Felix said, stretching his legs out across the bed and then crossing them at the knees. He was gradually working away on one of his blood lollipops, every so often sticking it in his mouth and having to speak around it. “Ugh, I was driving home, doing the speed limit, naturally.”

“Naturally,” Elliott agreed, resisting a sarcastic grin. Felix was the only driver he knew who didn’t violate speed limits every so often, not even by a couple of kilometres-per-hour.

“I suppose it was peak commuting time,” Felix went on. “Which was my own fault for leaving late. I was basically asking for trouble.”

As he listened, Elliott crossed the room to pick up the hairbrush from his bedside locker. He only had to bend a couple of degrees to reach it, but something about the shift in his posture made something shift inside him, too. He squeezed his lips together as he straightened, swallowing a clump of pressure that tried to escape up his throat. There was a distressed growl deep in his stomach as a result, which he managed to cover up by clearing his throat.

“Coming through town the usual way, past the supermarket and over the bridge,” Felix continued, unaware that any of this was happening.

“Mmhmm.” Elliott nodded in encouragement, going back into the ensuite bathroom and standing in front of the sink. His partner was still visible in the mirror, the door wide open so they could still hear each other.

Elliott pressed a fist to his mouth, releasing a short, grumbling belch.

“And then some idiot with a – I don’t know, a Chrysler or something? I mean, who needs a car that big, anyway? Anyway, they pulled out of the petrol station right in front of me, and I had to slam on the brakes!” Felix sighed deeply, letting his hands fall onto his chest. “I mean, I wasn’t going fast, but what if I had been? What if I'd had a cake on the front seat? It would've gone flying and been destroyed! Gosh, I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I was so mad.”

Elliott inhaled softly through his lips, looking into the mirror as he started tugging the brush through his hair. It was almost down to his elbows these days, and he couldn’t decide it he liked it, or if he wanted to cut it back to shoulder-length again.

He braced himself against a hiccup, realising he hadn’t responded to Felix in a while. He swallowed thickly, trying to recall the last thing he’d heard his partner say. “Did – did you honk the horn at them..?”

“I – well, no, I didn’t,” Felix said, sitting up on his elbows to glare at Elliott in the mirror. “I was mad, but come on, Elli. It was a built-up area, and it was after seven. What if there’d been a baby sleeping somewhere nearby?”

“Right…” Elliott murmured, as if he’d never, ever blown the horn of a car in a built-up area before.

“Anyway,” Felix grunted, flopping back down.

There was a distinct, bubbling sound coming from the upper part of Elliott’s abdomen now. He tried pushing his fingers gently into his stomach, just below his ribs, but he immediately hated the sensation and planted his hands next to the sink. That wasn’t going to work, but the discomfort was becoming so bad that he could feel it draining his energy and – more notably – his patience.

And the last thing he wanted, after a long day without seeing one another, was to snap at Felix over something as silly as a stomach ache.

“I’m just, you know… What the hell’s wrong with people?” Felix continued from the bed. “If they just opened their eyes for a moment, they might actually see something…”

He was still muttering – mostly to himself, at this point – about irresponsible drivers when Elliott closed the bathroom door and walked across the room. He approached the bed from the wrong side, which snagged Felix’s attention. The mint-haired boy looked up at Elliott, as though waiting for him to ask for something. His hands were folded neatly across his middle, his head on the pillow, his legs outstretched and uncrossed.

A pang of pure, untainted affection fluttered in Elliott's chest; as least, he was almost sure it was affection and not just a swell of pressure from his stomach. He half-smiled, watching Felix's expression soften.

“Are – are you alright, darling?”

Without a word in response, Elliott knelt at the end of the bed near Felix’s feet. He spread his hands and placed them either side of Felix’s waist, pressing into the blanket and the mattress.

“Oh,” Felix laughed, a slight blush instantly rushing into his cheeks. “Are we…? Oh, okay.” With a confused look on his face, he lifted his hands from his chest, making space for Elliott to lay down on him, head pressed between Felix’s neck and shoulder.

Felix dragged his fingers gently over the back of Elliott’s neck, pulling heavy locks of his hair together and scooping them to one side. “Darling, what’s brought this on?”

Elliott shrugged lightly. He didn’t really know himself, but the simplest answer seemed to be a fitting one. “You looked comfortable.”

“I see…. Well, you can rest your full weight on me,” Felix offered, his voice a little shaky. “I’m small, but I can take it.”

The tension gradually seeped out of Elliott’s muscles as he sank a little harder into Felix. He felt another shift in his stomach contents, which made a light sheen of sweat break out on the back of his neck. He swallowed, counter-productively, before dragging a heavy fist to his mouth.

The rumbling pressure got caught in the back of his throat, circling nauseatingly for a moment before slipping backwards. A tightness in his chest made him frown. His stomach rumbled so hard that it reverberated through his ribcage and gurgled in the back of his throat.

“Oh, gosh, I felt that,” Felix said, sliding on hand from Elliott’s neck towards his upper back. “Is everything okay in there?”

With his fist still waiting by his mouth, Elliott gave a quick nod. “My stomach’s slightly upset, but it’s nothing to worry about. Are you sure I’m not hurting you?”

“Yes, I’m sure! What’s wrong with your stomach?”

“Nothing…” Elliott winced as another bubble moved through his belly, catching in his oesophagus. “Well, I may have over-indulged slightly today, for the first time since my symptoms cleared up.”

“Ah, okay.” Felix’s tone was a little lighter now, as his hand smoothed over the plane of flesh between Elliott’s shoulder blades. “Obviously, I’m not relieved that you’re in pain, but it is comforting to know you’re getting back to your old self.”

“A bloodthirsty bastard?”

Felix stifled a laugh, And Elliott half-smiled to himself before a cramp rolled through his gut, once again coming to a sharp head just beneath his sternum. He parted his lips, hoping to coax some of the air up, but it gurgled all the way back down to his stomach, making the unhappy organ churn and roll.

A sigh of frustration left his mouth instead. Felix gave his back a slightly more urgent pat, hoping to move things along.

“Ugh,” Elliott groaned, resting his hand on Felix’s shoulder as he waited. “You can keep talking, boo. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“No, no,” Felix half-laughed, gently scratching his fingernails against the back of Elliott’s neck again. “That was just ranting. Taking care of you is so much more important.”

Elliott pressed his lips together. The pressure in his chest was beginning to build up again. The rumbling seemed to start behind his belly button and creep its way up behind his sternum.

Felix spread his hand over Elliott’s back again, no doubt feeling every vibration going through his organs and ribs.

Only when the pressure reached his throat, did it move with any kind of urgency. Elliott barely had time to form a fist again, pressing it to his mouth and releasing the burp as steadily as he could. It went on for about five seconds, making much less noise than it had when it had been rumbling around in his chest. Elliott frowned, knowing that there was no way that was the end of it.

“Sorry,” Elliott mumbled, turning his neck to burrow into Felix’s neck. He knew he was acting much shier than he usually would, but he’d already been feeling a bit embarrassed about climbing on top of Felix in the first place.

“Nothing to apologise for.” Felix tilted his head and rubbed his cheek against the top of Elliott’s head.

Elliott nuzzled even further into Felix’s neck as another belch bubbled up, determined not to direct it into his partner’s face. A low groan followed it, a sound that pleading for an end to this ordeal; although, if he was being honest, the pains twisting his stomach and tightening his chest were already fading. Felix’s hand continued to smooth over his back, fingertips occasionally tracing the shape of his spine and shoulder blades, and Elliott wasn’t about to ask him to stop anytime soon.