#it's not told to us how things went bc it's not important. a negative aspect (i.e. the roundtable not being able to come to an agreement)

[dmclemblems]

“Claude in Hopes is exactly the same way he is in Houses! He’s always been like that and has the same feelings/morals!”

Claude in GW/Hopes:

Claude, literally, in Houses:

Let that speak for the fact that Claude was written with a 180 characterization in Hopes.

Claude wants peace and to bring everyone together; not to tear them further apart. That is his character.

[localplaguenurse]

Hello it's me again here to yell at you some more about gold as ginkgo because WHAT IS YOUR WRITING???? OMG I'm at ch23 already and so much has happened fcvhbjknklml amazing storytelling!!

Now this is gonna get a biiiit personal mayhaps sorry if that makes you uncomfy maybe?? But I just want to express how much I *adore* the way you portray the protag's anxiety and particularly the internal conflict of coming out of a toxic relationship.

this paragraph, this one in particular got me literally crying. I kid you not I started weeping and then went to talk to my besties because it's so real it hit me so hard. I'm sorry many people can relate of course but I in particular I'm just coming out (~5 months or so) of a 12+ year old toxic relationship and I've been struggling SO HARD, really so hard. And that made me feel validated, that made me feel like yes it's a thing it's normal. (I too had straight up panic attacks that left me with hands shaking and crying)

It looks eerily a lot like something I'd told my best friend weeks ago

anyway idk I just want to say your writing is amazing, the pacing, the characterization. I love that wifey doesn't just "get over" things or "get better" int he way it's usually portrayed, it's organic and slow and she falls back into negative thoughts and stutters and gets anxious but they ARE getting better in the little things, in the confidence, in the healing, in the feeling comfortable.

And it's not just that, the social anxiety, the nonbinary struggle, the feel that you're annoying others and have to be hyper independent never asking for help. I may not fully relate to all of them but you do make them important on the story and I feel like you portray them all so well.

And Gods, Morax/Zhongli is so nice lmao <3 need me a partner like that //hit that is SUPER self-indulgent love it. He's all kind and patient and loving and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ;w; I love him your honor <3<3<3

Aaaaanyway loved their outing to the city, love Li Lei's character, loved wifey slowly growing out of their shell, love Morax fucking crashing injured in the middle of the night during a storm and Xiao and the panic and everything, the whole dealing with the Abbes CHILL MAN LITERALL CHILLS OMG. Love the golden smoke yes it is your signature ehe <3

(as a side note, I remember a lot of chapters ago this scene with Morax commenting about a storm incoming and then dissapearing and I was like.... is this some weird ass mandela effect or am I crazy bc I specifically remember this lore of dragons getting horny during the rain but NAAAHHH NO WAY the fic isn't going on that direction Crys pls chill your horny brain BUT THEN HAHAHAHA GUESS WHO WAS LOWKEY RIGHT??? I DID READ EYE OF THE STORM TOO TO BE FAIR. Also on the same line of my horny brain so sorry for this but wigey being so asdfcvhbnjmk about praise and compliment has me going PRAISE KINK PRAISE KINK MORAX PLS!!!!//HIT)

ok that's enough this got way too long I apologize I got emotional n cried again I LOVE YOUR FIC!!!!!

I am going to get emotional, I'm getting the like heavy feeling in my eyes of "oh tears! may be soon!"

I'm also gonna get a little personal because it also ties in with the fic and just, y'know, if we're sharing then I'm gonna share too.

I've said numerous times that wifey's experiences with anxiety stem from my own. I was also writing this fic during a few very difficult parts of my life so I really leaned HARD into those aspects of their character. Something I also mentioned a few times is that I used to write stuff on wattpad, I got burnt out, and then I didn't post fic for five years (which now that I think of it, technically not true because I did post some things on amino back in high school, but y'know). I never really stopped writing, though. Gave me room to experiment and because I'm A) a lifelong fan of the dark and macabre (even though I'm actually a bit of a chicken baby), and B) very depressed/anxious, naturally I leaned more into darker writing. I liked to make it a point of writing happy endings but I would put my charcters through the fucking wringer.

I was also a huge people pleaser in high school that didn't know how to make friends aside from the ones I already had. You can imagine how fucking devastated I was when one day, fuckin completely out of the blue, I was booted from my friend group. I only had like five friends and I kept two of them after that shit. One of those friends was a girl I had known since first grade. For the next two years right up until covid hit I was like "well fuck, Charlotte, guess you've only got two friends now. It's only a matter of time before they get sick of you too." It took me maybe a year for me to realize it wasn't my fault that the people I trusted turned out to be shitty, and it wasn't until like a year or two ago that I was able to actually open up and talk about that shit because I've been terrified to actually be vulnerable with people since then.

That's only like some of my damage, I've also got the eldest daughter and "ah fuck I think I'm undiagnosed neurodivergent" trauma. Two for one combo! Love it here!

So, yeah, I got pretty good at writing and specifically writing about people dealing with toxic relationships. Part of it is venting, part of it is wanting to raise awareness for these things, and part of it is just, idk, I like writing this stuff. I'll write whatever if it's interesting enough.

Anyways, thank you so much!!! There's more I could go on about but that's spoilers, so I just wanna say I'm really really happy you like what I've done! Put my heart and soul into this baby. Also yes this is horrifically self indulgent lmao, this fic was like entirely catered to me and my beta reader and apparently everyone else is into it.

I hope your day or night is well, whatever time it is where you are!

[thisdreamplace]

three propositions — a deep dive 🌊

🌊 “three propositions” is a lecture by neville goddard that you can read here or listen to here

imo, this is one of the absolute best lectures because neville hits on all the important things and clarifies popular confusions. let’s dive in ! 🌊

“If the first proposition is true that the individual's state of consciousness is the sole cause of the phenomena of his life, then the normal, natural question that is asked "Why doesn't he change it to a more desirable state if he could change it?" Well, that is not as easy as it appears.” i think that much of the law is over simplified. many went from the law of attraction to the law of assumption, thinking they’d found a better alternative and with that offered up very watered down versions of the law. while the law of assumption offered more freedom (gone are the days of ‘is this meant for me ?’) even here neville admits that while it appears easy in theory… applying the law can be difficult in practice. so in other words — here is your sign to stop feeling bad about yourself and your journey. 🐠

“but man finds it very hard to leave the things to which he has grown accustomed. We are all grown stuck in the habitual.” here neville openly describes the difficulty many face, and it has all to do with us being creatures of comfort ! even if the familiar is painful, it’s still familiar and therefore it becomes a sort of home. 🐬

“Most of the things he whispers are negative in justifying his behavior. There is no need to justify. He is excusing delay or excusing failure, or he is arguing, or he is judging harshly or he is condemning. Many of us have secret affection for hurts: we don't want to be liked by certain people; we just wouldn't like it if they liked us. We just don't want certain things to take place in our world even though they may bring a greater comfort and a greater satisfaction. Man has a peculiar, strange feeling, a little affection for the feeling of being unwanted or the feeling of being hurt, and he likes to talk about it. Well, try to pull that man out of that habitual state: it would be just as difficult as to keep that soldier boy away from that sordid room…” i think this part is so important bc i know at many points i could relate to this. and i know many of you can too. i am highlighting this because extreme honesty with oneself is the first key to unlocking your (mental) prison door. if you cannot even begin to take responsibility for your own inner activity, you will continue to struggle. you cannot change something you are unaware of. so start becoming aware. 🐳

“Now, if you do not know the state in which you abide, it's a very simple technique you may employ to discover that state: for the man dwelling in a state… could easily discover the state by listening within himself and observing his own internal mental conversations… it reveals itself in man's inner speech.” in case you’re wondering how to figure out the truth of what’s going on inside you, here is neville’s tip ! 🦑

“Most of us do not even know what we mean by state of consciousness. To those who are here for the first time it is simply meant by state of consciousness the sum total of all that a man believes and accepts and consents to as true.” here neville clearly and easily describes exactly what a state is — no more need for confusion in that aspect ! :) 🐟

“So though man is called upon to change his thinking that he may change his world, for we are told "Be ye transformed by the renewal of your mind", man can't change his thinking unless he changes his ideas for he thinks from his ideas.” i love this part sm bc flipping thoughts and forcing thoughts is such prevalent advice in the community. it works for some but leaves many frustrated and pushing down their feelings, leaving them often feeling worse than before. here is a direct quote saying you first must change your ideas, and then your thoughts will follow that lead. so decide what you wanna believe in and begin there. 🐡

“It is the height of folly to expect changes to come about by the mere passage of time, for that which requires a state of consciousness to produce its effect could not be effective without such a state of consciousness.” and “He may move physically across the ends of the earth but he will encounter similar conditions; he can't get away from the house in which he abides.” time will not be on your side and neither will a change in your surroundings. as long you keep living by the same beliefs, dwelling in the same old state of consciousness… your life will not change. the faces may be different, the month may be different, the city could be different… but your experiences will remain the same. this is so important to understand as many of us think our desire will be our saving grace ! it simply will not be — it cannot be. 🐙

“Now, if I sincerely desire to change my world there is no one in my world I need change but myself, so that I don't need to change you as an individual but I do need to change my attitude towards you. If you dislike me or if I think you dislike me, or if your behavior offends me, the cause of my offense is not in you and your behavior but I must look for that cause within myself. Now if I seriously and I am honest about my search, I will find it and I will find that inwardly when I think of you it is never a pleasant conversation that I carry on with you.” eiypo and how exactly to move forward — it was never about changing them but changing self. and this is on all scales, personal or even societal. 🐠

“It is nice to change a mood from some unlovely to a lovely, but I want a transformation and by transformation I mean that when one state into which I have moved and move so often that it becomes a habit and that state grows stable, so that it expels from my consciousness all of its rivals, then that central habitual state defines my character and really constitutes my new world. It spells out a transformation, but if I only do it a little bit and return to my former state, then I might have had a temporary lift but I will not notice radical changes in my outer world. I will notice these changes in my outer world if inwardly I have truly changed. Then without effort on my part I will find the outer world changing to correspond to the changes that took place within me.” your change is on going, it’s not about i felt happy and now i feel down. it’s not about i did it and nothing happened — it’s about practicing this daily. day in and day out, and when you have stabilized more frequently in your desired state of consciousness. then the world will reveal to you the fruits of your inner harvest. 🐬

“Imaginative love where only love guides it is incapable of hearing anything but the lovely.” let love lead, always. 💙

i hope yall enjoyed this deep dive into one of neville’s lectures and found it useful ! 🌊💙

[tartagilicious]

Hello! I hope you’re doing well and being safe during covid. May I request a headcanon for the fellows of an mc who gets very sick? Thank you and stay safe!

hello anon! I hope you’re staying safe and doing well too, especially with the sudden start of the school season :) also, I’m just going to assume that you mean sick with the virus for this post! 

Ethan:

- this would undoubtedly stress him tf out

- he’s a very careful person, and this would obviously transfer over to aspects of the pandemic — he’d never be seen outside without a mask, would use hand sanitiser regularly, and social distance as much as possible

- not to say that you wouldn’t, but especially in a situation like this, sometimes getting sick is just inevitable

- there’s not much he can do safely, but when you tell him that you’ve tested positive for the virus, he would still make every effort possible to make your life a little better in your time of need

- daily calls, sitting below your bedroom window, bringing your favourite takeout to your door — things like that

- your relationship won’t suffer because of this, and he’ll be sure of that

Harry:

- he went with you to be tested, and while you both laughed about how weird the test felt to get done, you weren’t laughing anymore when the person told you that you had tested positive

- harry would be immediately apologetic, even though he really doesn’t have any reason to be

- due to his test coming up negative, he was required to self quarantine for two weeks before getting tested again, and to be wary of any symptoms

- so basically, you’re in this together? as much as you can be, anyway. 

- while he wouldn’t be able to see you physically, I think FaceTime would be your go-to for communication. that way, if you’re hurting in some way, he can be at least be there with you through the screen

- he might cry to see you in pain :(

- he’d go a more effortless way of giving you things considering his self-quarantine, and would postmate pretty much anything to your door if he felt like it

- you would wake up to random texts and then find a box of chocolate covered strawberries on your doorstep, like???? it’s 9am sir what— 

Eugene:

- the moment you tell him over the phone, he’d want you to be tested again. there’s no way that the person he loves has gotten a life-threatening virus, it’s just not possible

- might be internally denying the situation for a bit, but would drop it pretty quickly when you confirm that you caught it anyway. he doesn’t want to make the situation any more stressful for you than it already is

- when he sees you going through the symptoms with his own eyes over FaceTime, he finally realises what’s at stake and is scared. there hasn’t ever been a day that he considered a world without you, and now that a future like that isn’t completely impossible, he doesn’t know what to do

- though, his methods of comfort are odd, they’re very characteristic

- would offer to kick the virus’ ass for you

- also, he would write songs for you! maybe just to cheer you up, but also to satisfy his thoughts and desire to see you healthy again

Lawrence:

- he never freaks out in front of you, but you can almost visualise the blood draining from his face as you talk to him over the phone that day

- this would hit him very hard. not being able to see you is something that makes him really restless, especially when knows that you’re sick. he just wants to take car of you and make you’re safe, but he can’t :(

- he would try to cheer you and himself up by making you homemade treats and leaving them on your doorstep, and would probably stand at a distance to see you receive them. it’s the only way he can, after all

- Lawrence would definitely send you care packages. you know those cute colour-themed ones, where every item in the basket is or correlates to a certain colour? think of that but with your favourite colour, he’d definitely send you at least a few

- you might tell him that you don’t need him to get you stuff (the treats, care packages, etc, bc we know there’d be more from this extra mf) but he would literally insist. the only scenario I could see him stopping is if you were genuinely uncomfortable with it or it just made you feel bad, but, I think in this case it’d be hard to, since it’s obvious how much attention and love he’s putting into everything

Zion:

- similarly to the rest of the guys, he’d be crushed to know that you’d gotten sick. you’re a careful person, and it was shitty luck that you happened to be on the receiving end of the virus.

- it would make him super anxious and worried, and though he might let that get the best of him occasionally, he’s mostly good in restraining himself

- he would probably try to make as much light of the situation as possible, like joking that some politician should have gotten it instead just to hear your little laugh. it’s important to him that you’re at least happy sometimes, because this virus definitely won’t take you from him — at least not if he has anything to say about it

- he’d be the guy to throw spare change at your window in the middle of the day just to get your attention, rather than texting you or something because that’s boring 🤷🏼‍♀️ he IS spicing up self quarantine and there’s nothing you can do to stop him

- then he’d throw up something with terrible aim that happens to be more medicine or just a little gift like chapstick, your favourite candy bar, or something miscellaneous 

- would try all he can to make you feel normal. he would still play video games with you and insult you over the headset, and send you random memes along with daily checkups

[cas-rivaille]

Hello, hello! I see that you are doing obey me matchups, is it okay if I request one? It’s completely fine if you can’t do it, I don’t mind!

I’m a straight, cis female who’s around 5’0 with long, dark hair and brown eyes. I’m pretty skinny and I have fair skin, I’m near-sighted too so I wear glasses. I usually wear clothes that are ‘flowy’ or baggy and have warm colours, or just anything that make me look cute and soft tbh.

As for my personality, according to tests I took, I’m an INFP/ ISFP and my Enneagram type is 9. If you also take zodiac signs as an important factor, then I’m a Capricorn (I’m sorry, I’m not knowledgable in that area so that’s all I can say;;). I tend to be quiet and reserved around strangers, but that’s because I’m too scared to socialise, not that I hate people or anything;; When I’m around people I’m comfortable with however, I’m more open and talkative, and I joke around a lot, but between being a talker or a listener, I like to listen more, be it they’re ranting or complaining, I like to listen to all of them. I’m pretty laid-back, it’s almost impossible to make me seriously mad. This is because I’m easily humoured, I laugh at even the lamest and stupidest jokes. If I ever do get upset, I’d most likely cry than get angry about it. I also don’t like conflict, I put others’ needs before mine and I go out of my way to avoid arguments and confrontations. If my opinions do clash with someone else’s, I’d say them in the gentlest way possible because I don’t like making people upset, but I still stand by my beliefs. I’d say I’m optimistic, I’m pretty good at looking on the bright side of things and I don’t often dwell on negative stuff. At times when I do feel down, I become quiet because everything is happening inside my head, so I’m not really good at explaining how I feel most of the time.

I don’t have many interests or talents, but I do like playing video games (mainly RPG, rhythm game and visual novel), listening to music (K-pop, J-pop/ J-rock, EDM) and I also like to read sometimes (fantasy, adventure and sometimes thriller and romance). I also draw from time to time, but I mainly go through social media now ngl. As of now, I don’t have a goal in life. I’m still figuring it out, but I’d love to do things that can help people in some way, no matter how small it is!

Onto the romantic aspects of me, my love languages are quality time and physical touch. I’ve never had a boyfriend before, so I might be inexperienced in a relationship, but I think I’d be really affectionate, and I’d be obvious about how happy I am to be with them, not clingy or anything, just, very soft around them. Since I’m not really passionate about anything, I think I’d be really supportive of their hobbies/ passions. I’d even try them out if it makes them happy. I don’t like it when people raise their voices at me and I can get insecure at times, so it’d be great if they’re patient and gentle with me ;-;.

Ahhh, I hope this isn’t too much! Please take you time with this, I’m only doing this for fun. I can wait! And with that, take care and have a good day/evening!

THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST !! i'm more than happy to do them :)

i had a few ideas with this, but leaning more towards who i think would be the best fit is... belphie !!

i have a few reasons why and here they are (it won't be in order of how you told me bc i'm very scatter-brained and i'll go back and make sure i get everything !!)

so in regards to you listening rather than talking, i feel like that would go with belphie rather well. we know our boy likes to sleep a lot, but he also loves astronomy. i can totally picture the two of you stargazing and him telling you everything about constellations.

in regards to your last paragraph, i feel like belphie also would have much experience in relationships so the two of you would be blushing messes together !! with how much he loves to sleep you can be certain he will want to be affectionate with him. he also isn't really loud and is very soft spoken which also goes with what you said !! (i think after the whole ordeal went down he's totally just chill and mellow and doesn't raise his voice at you at all :))

belphie would l o v e your style and love how soft you look since he is a very soft boy himself. he would totally try on your glasses for fun.

i feel like you would be very therapeutic for belphie and would help him a lot to grow as a person, and he might help you find your voice too :)

your positive outlook on life would totally have an influence on belphie, he would probably start to see things your way and just wanna live in a happy lil world with you bc he loves you so much🥺

belphie would be the one to try to put your needs ahead of his because he knows that's your tendency, he just wants to make sure you're happy :)

if you ever cried,, it's immediate hugs and comfort. wanna watch a movie to not think about it ? already set up. your favorite snacks ? waiting on his bed for you, which his bed is the comfiest out of all the brothers.

he loves your height he thinks it's so cute. you're just so small and adorable🥺 he would totally braid your hair and play with it (he would also ask that you play with his hair)

dates??:

i can totally picture you reading a book to belphie as he falls asleep on your lap, because of this, he l o v e s the sound of your voice.

using the new obey me anime for this one, i can totally picture you and him playing video games together (don't be too surprised if levi tries to be a third wheel)

music dates !! dancing in your room to a really good song, baking with him with music in the background, falling asleep to soothing songs !!

all in all you are the soft duo that is so comfy around each other and he would protect you with his life.

hhhh i hope i got everything and if i didn't just tell me !! i hope you liked it and i hope you have a good morning/day/evening/night !!

- cas :)

[wishfuledarchive]

[ sofia carson. cisfemale. demisexual.] wearable art and a fresh manicure always remind me of sojourner ‘georgie’ avara, who happens to be a twenty four year old art history + restoration student. they are known for being alluring and selfish which probably explains why they are into impact play & service submission. 

this is long just so y’all know before you even start, if you make it through this whole thing you deserve all the good things in the universe. smash that heart & i’ll slide in your dms for plots. this applies for all of the intros that will be posted following this one. before liking please make sure you’ve read my intros and have some idea of where you’d like the plots to go before liking, if you need ideas there are a bunch listed at the end of their intros ! ♡ 

backstory 

           Sojourner Avara was born to Amelia and Javier Avara. He was an investment banker and financial advisor to some of the most powerful people in the city. She was a journalist from America who moved abroad to work at La Paris Journal, she thought she’d be doing hard hitting ground breaking journalist but has spent most of her career writing puff pieces. Just as Amelia was ready to cut her losses and move back home she met Javi. He was sweet, charming, funny and instantly she fell for him. They were married after a year of dating and a few months later they found out they were expecting their first and only child, any dreams Amelia had of leaving the city were banished with the first kick of her baby. From the moment she was born Javier was certain that Georgie would do great things. Without a second thought to the jump in he moved their family from their rundown apartment in the heart of the city to a multi bedroom palace in the suburban paradise to give her a chance to blend in with those from High Society. He started her training young, enrolling her in the same preschools as them, using the same nannies, tutors even maids as them.

           Growing up Georgie loved her life, they went to events, luncheons and even Christmas parties by some of the oldest families in the city. Everytime she had to meet a new person her father would lavish her in new dresses, shoes and hairbows it made her feel like a princess. She loved going to their homes that seemed like castles, she’d always find time to slip away and wall down the grand halls of their homes in awe of their family portraits some dating back to the start of the city. She knew that that’s what she wanted, to leave behind a legacy for her family. Something they could be proud of, passed down from generation to generation so that even a hundred years from now someone like her would be standing in the position she was, staring up at a portrait of her. She was a child then, she didn’t understand that to be apart of this club, she had to be born in. 

          At age thirteen the real world came crashing into Georgie’s life for the first time. She’d gotten an A on an essay that she and her father had stayed up all night working on, he’d read and reread it so many times that he could say it outloud to her by heart. Instead of going home she begged her driver to take her to her father’s office instead. The guards all smiled when she arrived, walking with her to the elevator and buzzing her onto her father’s floor she waved to everyone in the office as if she was a princess in a parade as she made her way down the hall. It didn’t seem strange to her that his secretary wasn’t out front until she barged into his office and found her pinned against a wall while her father was hastily unbuttoning her shirt. She froze, so did he. They both just stared at the other for a moment before his secretary broke away and hastily fixed her shirt as she scurried out the door. How could he do something like this? To her, to her mother? She wanted to push him out of the window and see if he’d survive the twenty story fall. He forced Georgie to promise to keep what she saw to herself, that mama would be very mad at her if she said anything. Wanting to keep the peace, to keep her family in tact. She stayed silent. Though her relationship with her father was never the same. 

          Two years later things went from bad to worse. There were rumors floating around about Javier, how clients were coming in to talk about their portfolios and him not having anything to show them, being unable to take out money they’d invested that he said had turned a profit and then one day, like smoke. He was gone. Before he could be arrested he’d disappeared into the night with over five million dollars. Leaving Amelia to raise Georgie with no money and a tarnished reputation. All of the connections she’d made with those in high society were gone, many of her friends parents had invested money with her father and now as a result, wanted nothing to do with her. It was a harsh reality that switched a light in the young girl. She could remember having conversations with her father where he told her that money was the only thing that mattered, and he was right. The instant their money was gone, so was her life. 

          Amelia was forced to take Georgie out of her private school, sell their house and move back the city. She didn’t want to make it harder for her mother so she didn’t say anything, she didn’t complain as her dresses began to fade, she didn’t ask for new clothes, she swallowed the food that tasted like dust and she locked her ball of rage in a box and tucked it deep within herself. Deciding instead to control as much of her life as she could. Refusing to allow herself to wind up in an another chaotic situation. Her mother quickly remarried and almost overnight the life Georgie knew was back, to a degree. They moved from Paris to her mother’s hometown in Austin, Texas. She didn’t have to worry about food, or shelter. She got to buy whatever she wanted and even go back to private school.

         It’s been over ten years since her father disappeared. She doesn’t think about him anymore but he’s had more influence over her life than she’d like to admit. His desire to be financially stable, to be successful, to be the best of the best is embedded so deeply into her subconscious that it rules her every move. 

personality 

Is very bossy, thinks they know everything, is naturally a leader but can be a bit overbearing and forceful however she’s mad ambitious, she has big plans for herself and her career and she won’t stop until she’s at the top

Understands that the key to success is to NETWORK so social relationships are very important to her, she goes through a lot of hoops to make sure that her image is always up to par 

Constantly stalking social media, all of which is perfectly curated btw 

Honestly she doesn’t like conflict, she’s not the type of girl who will start a fight with someone or put someone down purposely. She wants peace and harmony for everyone. 

She’s a wee bit sensitive, like yell at her and she will probably not act like it bothers her but then go to the bathroom and cry. She’s especially sensitive to criticism!! 

While she is very emotional, her emotions take precedence over everything else. If she feels something she has to get it off her chest right away so she can move on with the rest of her day without being upset.  

She’s got v expensive tastes, she’s always been drawn to beauty and the finer things in life - it’s why she fell in love with art at a young age 

Though she is ambitious she’s not aggressive in the way she goes about it, she’s more of the charm the pants off of anyone and everyone around her so of course she gets the opportunity you wanted

Very responsible, organized, trustworthy (at times), she’ll rarely jump to conclusions or take uneducated risks 

Might not always show it but she’s very loyal to the people she cares about

She’s naturally trustworthy, and doesn’t have much patience for those who don't show respect for others, who take foolish risks, and who lead disorganized lives.

Suffers from inner tension and negative, self-destructive behavior - when things are going well, she constantly fears that something will come along to change that (naturally this becomes a self fulfilling prophecy)

She puts a lot of pressure on herself when it comes to her endeavors and because of this tends to feel immensely dissatisfied with herself and her accomplishments, she’s honestly never satisfied when it comes to anything she does there’s always something she could have done better. 

She doesn’t feel like she can show her real self to anyone, and tbh she doesn’t even know who her “real” self is anymore - maybe she never did in the first place 

Has an extreme fear of losing control, as such, she can be intensely fearful of, or threatened by, change. 

She's most comfortable with the darker side of her nature than the lighter aspects. 

Super impatient, she lives life in the moment and waiting for something to happen is like waiting for death. 

She’s very much so in her head, at times she’ll intellectualize her emotions instead of feeling them. She doesn’t do anything without planning it out so she hella doesn’t get people who’ve committed crimes of passion or excessively emotional 

She'll rarely sulk or play any drawn-out games of manipulation, you can pretty much know what she'll want at any given time.

She is a sexual person but she needs to have an emotional connection to feel sexually fulfilled - her intellectual nature allows her to have casual sexual connections which she often uses to advance her career

Venus in Pisces people project themselves as dreamy, soft-hearted partners. Everything about the way they flirt promises a lovely time. Theirs is an elusive charm -- they are sweetly playful, a little moody, and perhaps a little irregular. They appreciate romance and poetry, and they prefer to "feel out" both you and the relationship you share, so don't expect too much planning ahead.

wanted connections 

enemies / rivals 

friends turned enemies 

friends who only like georgie bc she’s the queen bee 

friends who want to overthrow her 

forced friends (i.e their parents are bffs so we have to hang out but idk if i actually like you)

lab partner 

drinking / partying buddies bonus points if they only get along while fucked up - this could also be romantic tbh

dance team members bonus points if your chara needs help w/ dance and georgie is just determined to make them good 

dance partner 

someone who knows about georgie’s dad and is blackmailing her (no one at ulysses knows abt her dad but this muse)

the reckless muse who drags perfect lil georgie into mess 24/7

the muse who just wants to know georgie and she’s keeping them 10 ft away at all times bc NO YOU CANT KNOW ABOUT MY PAST SO STAWP ASKING 

georgie thinks your muse hates them, or vice versa and they share a cigarette/drink/cab late at night and find out that’s not true 

someone who has a crush on georgie & she takes advantage of that (makes them help her w/ homework, buy her coffee, carry her books etc but does noTHING for them)

[silenthillmutual]

okay. warning for negative bc this is kind of a vent post?

so. i’m still working on unlearning a lot of things that i had kinda drilled into my head with my mom that i did not realize were bad until recently? or things that i could not easily voice were having negative effects on me until recently. and i’m kind of thinking about how my mom is very. hhhhhhhh.

my mom does not have a life outside of work. and not like, “oh she’s very dedicated to her career” sort of way. but like, she does not believe in taking time off. and i think in the way our capitalist environment functions that always comes off sounding very admirable. it’s not. 

because what that equates to is like, she works to avoid other things in her life. she says that she can’t afford to take a break or any time to herself and my best friend and i had told her repeatedly that if she really wants a relationship she is going to have to take time to devote to that which means working less if only by a little bit! and that i have told her that she should take time to herself to relax whether she had a relationship or not because it’s not healthy to obsess over work the way that she does.

and. i guess she does a bit now. i saw recently on her fb that she went to colonial beach w her boyfriend and like. good for her. but that doesn’t erase that she is constantly harping on me, even from a distance, to do like. everything all in one day. and that i should be working 40+ hours a week and that if i don’t do that, that i’m lazy.

like my mom’s version of workaholism is to view herself as the rule and not the exception, which i can see in certain contexts how that translates into “oh so she’s not full of herself” but it’s actually really the opposite! because i think it takes a special brand of narcissism to assume that everyone is and should be exactly like you and that if they are not they are failing and that is their own fault. 

so, my mom has fibro, like on top of all of that and i wonder if she’d feel better if she didn’t constantly push herself into working all the time. and the truth is that she’ll look at any time i spend online regardless of what i’m doing (bc she doesn’t ever care what i’m actually doing on there, to her it’s all the same) as time wasted and an addiction to the internet. and she thinks that everyone else w fibro or w any chronic or mental illness can work exactly as much as she can because if they do anything less they’re being lazy.

and i think you can kinda see why it’s an issue for a licensed therapist to think or feel that way.

so like. i have never pursued any job that says it’s part time, under $10 an hour that wants me to work 39 hours a week (one hour from full time in the commonwealth of va), no benefits, 8 hours every day, retail, with a massive list of responsibilities. because i know that i can’t handle doing 8+ hours which is how much it’ll wind up being if they want me to open/close (taking into consideration traffic and people who just will not fucking leave), like i had to struggle to work 8 hours at a job i actually LIKED without thinking of working at fucking target or some shit for 8+ hours a day. i can’t do it. between the anxiety and the autism that sounds like something that will make me absolutely want to die and i know this because i tried that at party city for three days and came home in tears every single day and my feet hurt so bad i couldn’t move.

and my mom’s response to that was like. just deal with it! just push through it! you have to! 

you’d think a therapist with a chronic illness would be more compassionate than that. 

but my mom’s whole life is focused on work and i don’t even think it’s because she just loves her job that much. she just refuses to do anything outside of it. she has a dog and a cat (MY cat I adopted her she is under MY legal name and that dog is basically my dog, he was my baby) that i was under no circumstances allowed to take with me regardless of where i went or when, but that she does not...enjoy. at all. she is constantly bitching about the pets and she bought an automatic feeder and self-scooping litterbox and hired pet sitters not for the occasional trip out to her boyfriend’s but for like a regular thing because she is at home as little as possible. every single second that she can spend at work she will.

and she hated that i didn’t spend 6-8 hours at work (more counting traffic) and then want to spend all of my free time looking for a second or different job and cleaning the house and cooking all the meals and running all the errands and taking care of the pets. with no help.

and that’s part of what i mean about her working to get out of having to do other things. because she also works so much so that she can get out of eating. like. ever. her body image issues are so fucked up that she will eat one meal a day and be like “ugh i’m such a pig i’m so fat i should stop eating maybe then i’ll lose weight”. and then she’ll deny that she he has an unhealthy relationship to food and claim she just “doesn’t have time to eat” even though she apparently has time to bitch at me over facebook or henpeck her boyfriend and read 8 different versions of her horoscope in an hour + longer breaks

like i’m sorry but if i could eat in 30 minutes with my coworker calling me to panic on the other end bc everyone decides to come into the library at the same fucking time then i think maybe. just maybe. you can eat a goddamn granola bar in 2+ hours while sitting at your desk instead of saying “i should be writing notes” and not actually writing your fucking notes!

what really kinda. bothers me all about it. like in addition to all this super unhealthy stuff that makes her occupation as a therapist hypocritical as hell is how she criticizes me for doing the exact shit that she does.

by which i mean. holding other people to my standards.

i’ve worked a lot at not being judgmental of other people and challenging my own notions of what is right and acceptable when i find myself judging other people. it’s really hard. i think it’s connected a lot to being autistic and the kind of biases that we’re all brought up into and it’s why travelling and secondary education are really important, not even just because of learning aspect (although liberal arts forcing you to take classes outside of your comfort zone. i think helps a lot in this too) but because meeting people from all different kinds of backgrounds makes you look at things from different angles you wouldn’t have otherwise, because if you never leave you never broaden your horizons. 

so when there are still standards that i hold people to it’s. i try to just hold people to “not being a total asshole to everyone around you” as a relatively basic standard that i don’t think should be controversial? but even when i voice that opinion - like, literally, i went to richmond cc with two friends and when i got back i was telling my mom about this guy who was very loudly, specifically so that i could hear his unsolicited opinion of my cosplay, talking about how bad/boring jojo was because he knew i was dressed as someone from jojo and he wanted me and everyone else around him to know his opinion of jojo, then went and started mocking his friend for wanting to buy a gba instead of a gameboy sp bc his friend and i both saw the mother 1+2 and mother 3 cartridges and was just being an asshole! again! and i was just complaining to her after the fact about this guy being a dick and my mom’s response, not even like an “i don’t get it but i’m sorry” first was just

“well maybe he’s autistic”

and! i’m sorry! but that! doesn’t fuckign fly with me! i said “so am i that doesn’t mean i go around being an asshole to everyone at con” 

and she was like “well maybe he’s not as high-functioning as you you can’t hold everyone to your standards”

NO! NO MAYBE HE WAS BEING AN ASSHOLE BECAUSE HE’S CIS WHITE GUY AND THINKS EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW HIS OPINIONS! do you know how many fucking people go to con are autistic????? a whole shit ton of us! do you know how many poc, trans, nb, not-straight people loudly voice their opinions to make the people around them including their friends feel like shit? NONE OF THEM! NONE OF THEM! NONE OF THEM! ONLY THE CISHET WHITE GUYS WHO THINK THEY’RE TOO GOOD FOR COSPLAY FUCKING DO THAT!

and it’s so irritating! like i’m not allowed to talk about my autism EVER and even when my standards are REALLY FUCKIGN LOW i’m being too judgmental of others but she’s allowed to talk about how everyone who doesn’t work 40+ hours every week and starve themselves is fucking?? lazy????

unreal. un fuckign believable.

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Hey! So Ive been trying to have more love for myself lately.. and it’s hard after having so many negative thoughts for so many years.. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to work on self love more.. and how can I be confident in what I wear or do even though I am a bigger girl... sorry if I’m bothering you.. I see you give great advice out and this has been weighing on my mind :( .. love your blog by the way! ❤️

Hey! First off, I give you all the kudos for trying to build up your self-love, because that shit ain’t easy. As a fellow bigger girl, it really does suck that extra bit more because of ridiculous societal messages telling us that “skinny” is “pretty”. 

So, this is just 100% a suggestion that helped me, and I can’t say it’ll help everyone, but I’m still gonna throw it out there. Because I despised my body ever since I hit puberty. I was always the “curvy” one in my friend group in middle school and high school, and even in undergrad I was sooooo hard on myself and always comparing my body size to others and feeling “fat” or “inadequate” (which, by the way, I’ve learned fat isn’t a dirty word. It’s just another adjective like any other word, and I love reclaiming it for myself because why does one word create so much angst in us?). Well, I hit grad school and finally decided enough was enough. We only get one body in our lives, and it’s the ONE thing that is ours and ours alone, so why was I waging war with the one true home my soul had? 

So, what I did was got a full-length mirror (eep, I know). I put that sucker in my bedroom and I MADE myself stand naked in front of it for at least 5 minutes every single day. Butt ass naked. It was HORRIBLE at first. I didn’t let myself look away, and I took in all aspects of my body from all angles (sometimes doing funny poses or funny faces for a bit of humorous relief because it got intensely difficult some days). And I did that every day for months and months. And ya know what? After a while, I started to notice things about my body that I hadn’t. Sure, maybe I wished my tummy was flatter, or my thighs smaller, but hey, that dip in my waist is pretty cool, and my shoulders have these cute little freckles that aren’t so bad…I think you see where I’m going with this. I started focusing on the parts of my body that I DIDN’T dislike, and the more I did that, the more little things I liked that I noticed. I did it with my face too, and really took in my features. And the longer I did it, the easier it got. And now, over 5 years later, I still have a full-length mirror and I still make sure to look at myself naked every day. I don’t always do it for 5+ minutes nowadays, but I make sure to get in a few good looks. And sure, there’s still days that I’m like “oh god” and start to get that negative thinking, but there’s also days where I look and think, “Well damn, I look pretty good!” We all have positive and negative self-esteem days, but it’s not letting the negative ones take over and telling those negative thoughts to fuck off. 

It’s also been me having to rewire my thought process about myself, as well as taking apart the stigma of what is considered “attractive”, because that word is so subjective. I’ve had people who say how attractive/pretty/etc they think I am, and then I’ve had people say comments that I’m not even gonna write out on here. The point is, you’ll never make everyone else happy, but what’s important is that YOU’RE happy and comfortable in your body. Regardless of size, shape, color, ability, etc…we ALL deserve to feel happy with the body we’re given. 

Another thing that has helped tremendously is my support system. I have a group of friends now who NEVER enable that negative thinking. In fact, I just went to the gyno last month, and I almost fell over when I got on the scale and saw I had gained 10-15lbs. It really fucked me up the entire rest of the visit. So I texted two of my closest friends as soon as I left the office, and I was frantically asking them, “Did I look like I gained weight to you, when you were just here for my birthday?!” And I told them what had happened at the gyno. They both responded with support, one saying that it’s just a number on a scale, and that that number doesn’t define who I am, and that if I FEEL happy and healthy and confident, then fuck that scale (this is why I don’t even own a working scale or weigh myself, bc those damn numbers really mess with  your head). The other friend told me that I was giving that number way too much power, and that I’m so many other qualities than my weight. She said that a number shouldn���t overpower my intelligence, compassion, drive, etc.

Well, they both made me tear up, because they were both so right, and I needed that reality check from them. I usually am pretty decent at giving myself that self-love, but I know that when I need some assistance with it, I have some amazing friends to help raise me back up and remind me that I’m a kickass woman who isn’t going to be cowed by something as silly as weight or body size. 

Holy shit, this got SO rambly. Apologies. I’m so passionate about self-love though, and I know firsthand what a process it is. I also know I’m privileged in a lot of ways, being white, cis, and able-bodied, and I can’t imagine the struggle others who don’t have those privileges have to go through in fighting those societal stigmas. 

Also, as far as what you wear, my advice is just make sure it fits and you’re comfortable in it, and fuck whatever size is on the tag. I used to be all caught up in the “omg, but it’s an XXL” or “but it’s a size X, Y, or Z size pants!” I have another amazing friend who is my go-to shopping buddy, because she’s an amazing emotional support for navigating the horrors of trying to shop for a curvier body (she legit brings a chocolate bar when we go shopping, and feeds me pieces when I start getting grumpy or down on myself if things don’t fit; she’s amazing). She gave me advice one time that always sticks with me. She said, “Ashton, NO ONE is going to know what size shirt or pants you have on. No one is going to demand to see the tag to make sure you’re wearing a large instead of an extra large. All anyone will notice is if the clothes don’t fit you properly, or if you’re not confident in them.” I was like damn….you’re so right. No one but ME (well, and my friend) knows what size these are, so why the fuck do I care, so long as *I* think I look cute in them? 

God, it really comes down to numbers, doesn’t it? Fuck those numbers. Fuck every single one of them. We’re so much more than a number. I am. You are. We ALL are.

Okay, now I’m done rambling. I don’t know if any of that was helpful, but feel free to message me at any time if you need some positive support! Also, I’m looking at your profile picture, and you are so gorgeous, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

[meepface]

these questions seem very therapeutic and i have been havin a week so im gonna do em, please ignore me

1. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

say no to people!! post selfies and not feel ashamed of myself for doing so!! stand up for myself without immediately crying!! 

2. What has been on your mind most lately?

well this week i’ve been in kind of a negative headspace so i have sorta thought about how much easier dying would be than dealing with any of my problems, but i have also thought about how much i don’t actually wanna kill myself also so i’ve been feelin sorta trapped between ‘mannnn if i would just fucking do it’ vs ‘but i don’t wanna my mom would be sad’, so that’s a real fun time!

3. Right now at this moment; What do you want right now?

i wanna feel myself again honestly. i’ve felt super weird n distant from who i used to be and who i wanna be and i feel like im just floatin. i feel super dissociative and i don’t feel genuine in how i behave anymore like idek myself. another super fun time!

4. In order of importance, How would you rank: Money, Happiness, Love, Health and Fame?

love (not strictly the romantic kind), happiness, health, money, fame

5. What would best describe the way you have spent your time in the last month?

feel like i’ve been wastin a lot of time bein super unhappy. buuuuut i spent a lot of time with people i love last month so that was good. kinda mixed, neutral feelings about it

6. What is the #1 motive in your life now?

to learn how to live for myself more

7. In one sentence, who are you?

i would say i am an extreeeeemely sensitive and compassionate person who’s always tryin to do the right thing and make a few people laugh when i can

8. What do you want to be known for?

being good and kind and gentle and positive

9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most?

my family, my dogs, my girlfriend, my friends, my grandma, this local restaurant that has amazing pancakes, my university bc i really like it there, the general atmosphere of downtown Austin, my therapist, my bedroom. in no particular order

10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?

hopefully i’m taking care of myself well, am happy in my current situation and if i’m not i am actively working to do what i need to do to fix that, maybe i’ll have finally gotten another job and have moved out possibly. who knows. just hope im doin well

11. Who makes you feel good about yourself?

my friend Stein, my mom, my girlfriend, my therapist, a few of my internet friends

12. What are the top 3 qualities you look for in a friend?

someone who makes me laugh, someone who is a good listener, someone extremely supportive and non-judgmental

13. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?

joining a club and being more social in college, getting another job, moving out, making videos, volunteering at this abuse center i’d really love to volunteer at

14. What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid?

a golden retriever

15. What stands between you and something you want?

fear of change

16. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?

i find something to calm me down and distract me, like a game or something i can play so i stop thinking too much. also talking to someone helps but whenever i’m not in the mood to talk i try to do something to distract myself, or go to sleep if it’s a good time to

17. What do you need to spend more time doing?

being with friends and family, writing

18. When did you first realize that life was short?

i mean i had a few near-death experiences as a kid but none of em i was like “wow i could’ve died and that would’ve been the end” bc i didn’t really process them like that when i was that young. one of first times that i can remember feeling really deeply anxious about how short life really is is when i saw a bad car wreck just last year that had just happened and (TW ahead) i saw a person dead on the road with his head smashed. that was so scarring for me and now wrecks make me uncomfortable and i used to drive kinda recklessly as a dumb suicidal thing but now i would never ever drive the way i used to. another time i can think of is when a girl in my grade who i had actually been close friends with all throughout middle school up until freshman year died in a car wreck and our whole school was devastated

19. What issues do you continually refuse to confront?

honestly i want to confront and fix or work on all of my issues lmao so

20. What is something a lot of people do that you disagree with?

there’s a lot of homophobic and transphobic people in the small Texas town that i work in and a lot of em say super offensive things really casually and i hate it so much. also a lot of people enjoy jolly ranchers which i will never understand

21. What is a common misconception people have about you?

i’m shy, i’m straight, i’m lazy, i don’t work hard

22. What is something no one can take away from you?

no one could pull me away from my mom tbh that bitch knows everything and no one can tell me not to tell her what they tell me bc she’s gonna know in the next hour

23. What is something you would hate to go without for a day?

ummm chicken probably. it’s all i eat

24. When you look into the past what do you miss the most?

how cheerful and happy i was in 2015 and some of 2016!!!!!! the fuck happened!!!!

25. What memory from the past year makes you smile the most?

hmmm probably the times my gf and i spent hours making out n stuff in parking lots bc we finally got over our fear of havin our first kiss w each other and went all out

26. What is the number one change you need to make in your life within the next twelve months?

hmmm don’t wanna share it but i know in my head the answer to this

27. If not now, then when?

when i’m ready and when i know for sure that it’s what i want. because right now i don’t know what i want with my life but i just know that right now i am not happy. baby steps

28. What have you done that you are truly proud of?

i gained soooooo much confidence after graduating high school. came out to everyone, told my mom i wanted to finally try to go to therapy which has been a blessing for me

29. What is something new you have recently learned about yourself?

i’ve learned where my dependency issue that i used to have super bad stemmed from. i’m kinda growin from that though. i still have residual anxieties that were caused by it but nothin i can’t work through

30. What do you want to remember forever?

hmm. probably that one quote that’s like “anything that costs your peace is too expensive”. either that orrrrr that one scene in the office where Jim gets drunk and crashes his bike into the bushes

31. What could society do without?

religion (yikes yikes yikes) (don’t hate me, just hear me out) - this doesn’t mean the spirituality of it but like..... the whole rules and order part of it. the ancient outdated books and everything being taken so literally in today’s world. everyone could have their own takes and believe in their own things and they can just be without feeling like they either have to go to church or celebrate a religious holiday or be a certain way bc ‘god’, whoever they may be, wants them to. idk i like to believe there’s a higher power that just represents love, in its purest form, and that’s it. that’s all you gotta know about them. there’s no rules to that, you just do with that what you will, learn from that what you can. does this make sense at all 

32. What is the one thing right now, that you are totally sure of?

right now i am totally sure that i shouldn’t have started doing this survey bc i am exhausted and i have work in the morning but i’m definitely gonna finish it

33. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would you say?

be kinder and gentler, thank you

34. What is something that you said you would never do, but have since done?

this is uhhh super emo but i didn’t think i’d live this long and here the fuck i am

35. What is something you changed your mind about when you grew older?

my feelings about The Gays, since i grew up to be one and when i was little i was terrrrified of that idea. i didn’t care if other people were but when it came to me i was like noooo way jose. also? the concept of marriage? i’ve become super apathetic towards it. i don’t care if i end up married or not anymore, i will commit to someone for life regardless and i don’t need a ceremony and anything official to prove that. buuuuut that being said, if my future partner wants to be married, i’m 200% there and i’m already starting to think about our wedding color scheme. man. idk if i’d rather wear a suit or a dress at my wedding

36. What didn't last forever, but was still worth your while?

hmmm maybe my current therapy stuff?? i know one day i’m gonna stop going to therapy but man have i learned a lot and man have i grown. i truly think everyone needs to go to therapy at least once in their life, you learn things that are valuable in every aspect of life

37. If you could go back and time and tell the younger version of yourself something, what would you tell?

you’re not stupid, you’re allowed to make mistakes, maaaybe ask for the braces that aren’t clear bc those just made your teeth look massive and you hated yourself while they were on and you can’t look at pictures with them even years later. aaaand they made you super insecure about your mouth and smile even years down the line so, please dodge that bullet if ya can. also you’re super gay!

38. If you knew you were dying in the next 60 seconds, what would your last words be?

finally

39. When it is all said and done, would you have said more then you've done or vice versa?

hmm i’ve probably said a lot more than i’ve done, which i wanna change. if i’m understanding this question right

40. What question do you often ask yourself?

what do you want? what do you need? which of the two is more important?