#it's really creating this environment of paranoia around art

[badsalmonella]

One of my biggest pet peeves is this new trend when people don't like something and they say "this thing was written by AI" like I'm sorry bud but sometimes human beings make bad art. You can just say it's bad.

[hogwarts-legacy-confessions]

Hello! One of the more prominent fandom writers here.

I see this has already been addressed. I don’t come to flog a dead horse and I do not intend to be rude to you, the blog owner.

I want to offer some perspective from someone who has been impacted by this.

I am not offended that you’re unaware of every targeted statement submitted to this blog. I am not either. The issue lies in your apparent expectation to be told if a statement was too pointed. You have—as respectfully as I can say it—not cultivated an environment that appears welcoming for something as vulnerable as feelings.

When things have been posted about my work, I did not anticipate coming to you would make much difference. If anything, I assumed it would make it worse.

I would say the impact it’s had on me is inline with the recent posts, and the fact that there are other posts of this nature makes me wonder how many other larger creators are suffering in silence every time someone pokes at them on here.

Here’s the thing: those of us who’ve “just been around since the start” and “got lucky” have been through multiple waves of bullying. For ships, for our ages, for character ages, for characterization, for writing smut/tropes/dynamics, for not liking or portraying (insert character) as a (edgelord, golden retriever, himbo, et cetera).

Now, we can add to that:

- not replying to every comment on our works and art.

- Not performing enough exhaustive research for something we do in our spare time, free of charge—despite both the canon game and the books/films contradicting themselves constantly.

- Liking characters that we like.

- Not editing enough, as if that is not delegated to a separate career in the professional world.

- Generally, not doing /enough/ to have earned our place in the fandom.

I won’t include the criticisms that were specific to me. I’m aware this is anonymous and you have no reason to believe I am who I say, but I won’t risk stepping off anon and receiving hate atop the rest of that list.

I am just a person. This was an escape for me, and one that gave me a lot of purpose and fulfillment. All of which is gone now. This has completely wrecked my self confidence in writing.

These big, popular creators that are getting bashed are not celebrities. Be it roleplayers, artists, writers, mod creators, or edit makers—they’re just people who wanted community and creative outlet.

To the blog owner, I see you have said that you wonder if the posts were really about [those who assume it’s about them]. I think the nature of the space you’ve created begets paranoia. Even if the posts were not about me or anyone else, does it not warrant your concern if it hurts the fandom we share? I respect the need for a space where unpopular ships, headcanons, and the like can be posted without fear (which shouldn’t exist, this is the nature of fandom). I do not see the need to laugh namelessly at the accuracy of fanart, the kissing mod that people created, proper grammar, and incorrect geographical locations in fics to name a few recent ones.

I don’t believe in censorship. I also don’t believe in encouraging persecution.

I see you have addressed this, as I said. I do not expect you to delete your blog. I hope you have found community regardless of the vitriol here. If I can offer a suggestion going forward: I ask that you don’t allow hate on fanworks. If you can’t do that, then at least do not allow anonymous hate on other creators, even if they do not mention them by name. If people want to say it with their full chests, off anon, I would respect it much more. That would also remove your need to judge the validity of any claims.

If this is published—I want to say that if this is your first fandom (which I suspect is true for many of you) that this is not a game of ‘eat the rich’.

If you had been ���early” and “got lucky” and if people said the things you have said about our works, would yours still be available?

Most every popular creator in this fandom only ever wanted to be friends with you, reader.

👀

[valiantunknowncrusade]

Quotes :"Similarly, in another interview, Nauman disdains the creation of open-ended situations, which, he complains, reduce art to a form of "game playing": "I don't like to leave things open so that people feel they are in a situation they can play games with…. I think I am not really interested in game playing. Partly it has to do with con- trol, I guess"

"while Nauman's installations depend upon the viewer's interaction, they are nonetheless ambivalent about the possibilities such involvement affords and, as such, create uncomfortable experi- ences. Such wariness is echoed in the artist's frequent comments over the years regarding his "mistrust" of audience participation."

Comment: 'Dependent Participation: Bruce Nauman's Environments by Janet Kraynak' was an amazing article to read. I just couldn't choose one quote from this article. the article really gives a look into the mind of Bruce Nauman. I enjoy the the skills he exude by making the spectator apart of the art piece, rather than allowing the viewer to just look from a distance, you become immersed in the pieces he creates. this allows each person to experience a different look at the installation based upon his/hers own appearance somewhat like a mirror. his installation

" Bruce Nauman. Going Around the Corner Piece, 1970'

is a great example of this. Bruce's concepts of controlled freedom is a remarkable insight to certain concepts of ideology. giving the spectators the freedom to move without giving them the freedom to move is a rather amazing way of taming an individual. I liked the fact that he does this as a means to not allow the persons participating to ruin the image he is portraying, its like each person is a paint brush with Naumen being the hand that moves the strokes. he cant control the brushes imprints but he can utilize its range and the amount of paint used.

I decided to choose these quotes because it really gave me some gems on new ways of thinking and the process of creativity. his paranoia with trust and control, really is what most artist and people in general struggles with when placed in any environment. this controlled freedom is a concept rarely ever spoken about and may actually be a set condition on the psyche of society. how easily can a group of individuals be lead with this illusion of freedom. whose to say our thoughts are really are own if its guided by the the popular majority or those who control the installations of the world around us. I find myself at times to be in a conundrum when given too much creative control when tasked with vague concepts of creation and I wonder if our imaginations, creativity, and thoughts are stifled by the controlled freedoms of creation.

Question: what do you consider to be something that might have placed a barrier on your creativity? what might be some creative processes that you use to create controlled freedoms in your art pieces? what do you think about Nauman's works in correlation to the concepts of controlled freedoms used in artworks?

[certified-opinion-haver]

The Stranger (2022) dir. Tom Wright

Thriller, Watched on Netflix 13/11/2022

The Thriller is loosely based on the real life kidnapping and murder of Daniel Morecombe. The ethics behind adapting real life tragedies into media attempting to entertain and create a profit will always be a complicated, art should be allowed to take inspiration from anywhere but having the real-life persons involved try and distance themselves as much as possible from these projects always gives food for thought.

This being said the film made the (wise, in my opinion) choice to draw the focus away from the victims and instead focus on the police investigation that led to the arrest. The films major strength is the performances from the two lead actors, Joel Edgerton and Sean Harris are incredibly talented performers and they lend the film a sense of realism and constant danger. Joel's understated performance of an undercover officer do an excellent job of portraying a sense of paranoia and vulnerability that allow the audience to really latch onto to the investigation. On the other side Sean Harris unpredictable and on-edge performance lend his character a sense of danger, even though he presents little physical threat against the officers investigating him. The threat instead becomes about keeping him calm and building trust with a character who is constantly set up as a loner. All other performances are functional, none of them particularly stood out as being as stellar as the two leads but they were effective and worked in service of the story.

Unfortunately, the films pacing lets this tight thriller down ever so slightly. The film is clearly aiming for a slow burn but some parts slow to an absolute crawl which minimises the impact of the short time frame the detective have been afforded for their undercover operation. The decision to tell the film out of chronological order is also hit and miss, some reveals are placed excellently in the narrative whilst other parts it can be disorientating to jump around so much between timelines.

The end on a positive, the film makes many brave and exciting editing/sound choices. Some dialogues between our leads are presented to the audience from the perspective of the hidden wires placed around the in-world locations as oppose to the on-set microphones. The film is also beautifully shot, getting the most out of the many night time scenes to create a panicked and anxious environment during many key moments.

Definitely worth watching, especially given the poor quality of most of Netflix's original output this year.

7/10

[bubsenpai-blog]

Research Project Draft & Notes

Working Title:

The urban fairy tale: 'A woman who walks at night'

Main topics:

Introduction – discuss the issue of walking at night for women and how it’s wrong that we must form ways to stay safe through passed down advice and coded language. Little to no education in staying safe and preventing people (particularly men) from creating environments we don’t feel safe to walk in.

Our biological relationship with the night (sleep, visibility) and the irony of it especially for women as it should be empowering, spiritual, safe

Visual culture throughout history that encouraged the idea that walking at night is unsafe and how it often results in violence against women (art, fairy tales, films)

Linking historical and modern-day instances of walking at night and crime against women to show how things still haven’t really changed (Jack the ripper to Sabina Nessa)

Modern day visual culture and merchandise used as a coded language between women to keep safe (posters, advertising, self-defence keychains, call Angela at pubs etc…)

Examples of modern-day interpretations of fairy tales that show a more realistic and feminist viewpoint as well as a mention of a variety of communities and services that are trying to make a change around these topics

Analysis of primary & secondary data/research – Focus on female responses and the coded languages

Summary of what has been taught throughout and the most effective changes and resources

Walt Disney’s Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs (1937) Directed by David Hand. Available at: Disney+ (Accessed 2022-2023)

SAM (11/05/2021) Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs | Far into the forest. Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVfHDF_ZmVU (Accessed 2022-2013)

Subtitle 1:

Fairy tales and the night

(A section about how fairy tales pathed women's perception of the night and its consequences - 611 words)

Throughout history fairy tales have been the foundation of fantastical storytelling, visual culture and setting moral compasses. They are typically stories told from generation to generation, and are derived from mythology, folklore, and legends that are supposed to help teach us to be ‘good people’. The reason fairy tales link to women’s navigational Independence is because they often include a female protagonist who finds themselves in danger once alone on their journey.

In Walt Disney’s animated film Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs 1937, (An adaptation of the Brothers Grimm’s book Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs 1812) there is a scene between 07:42 and 10:40 where Snow White is chased into a forest by the Evil Queen’s huntsman. This scene is significant because the threat of being killed immediately sends Snow White’s mind into a state of paranoia as everything within this forest becomes seemingly dark and dangerous. From tree branches clinging to the princess’s clothes, to eyes staring at her from the bushes. As a child this scene terrified me because at such a young age, I couldn’t comprehend that all these scary apparitions were just in Snow White’s head. Rewatching this scene as an adult, it’s nowhere near as scary. However, I do believe having seen this scene so young has had an everlasting impact on me. Even today when I’m walking alone outside at night, I feel this irrational sense of being watched and needing to be guarded. The knowledge of Snow White being hunted for her youth and beauty further highlights the potential harm it can have on developing young women because it can lead to females with these qualities feeling vulnerable and afraid in situations they shouldn’t. On the other hand, it could be argued that from a psychological viewpoint Snow White’s interpretation of fear is firstly accurate because it is possible to hallucinate when high on adrenaline. And secondly rational because there are actual dangers to being alone in a dark forest such as wild animals, low visibility of tripping and falling hazards, and characters of malevolent intentions (The Evil Queen).

Personally, I believe this fairy tale is one of many that illustrates a young woman navigating alone at night as an unnecessarily fearful experience. But with context, these fears are completely justified and are supported by the biological instinct to survive and be prepared for all scenarios, whether possible or not.

A short time after this scene Snow White finds sanctuary in the Seven Dwarfs cottage. I’ve always found this concept to be quite ironic as growing up we’ve always been taught about ‘stranger danger’, especially for females when it comes to men, and yet the princess finds herself in a confined place with seven male strangers. Of course, this societal belief that male strangers are more dangerous than female is completely stereotypical, however it’s interesting that Disney put Snow White in what would be considered such a scandalous situation during the 1930s. And made it seem ‘okay’ by characterising the dwarfs as seven charming protectors, keeping away all dangers of the forest and beyond.

In my opinion, the damsel in distress and the heroic male protector are character roles that are incredibly outdated in fairy tales. However, are still present in modern society as many women in the survey I sent out expressed having a familiar male companion accompany them on late night walks or come and collect them from a potentially dangerous situation. On the other hand, then it comes to seeking help from a stranger, women are more likely to opt for a female counterpart. This is evident in solely female services such as Lady Cabs and Ask for Angela.

(Compare to a modern retelling of snow white and/or another fairy tale & modern retelling like Little Red Riding Hood/My Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter?)

Subtitle 2:

The Coded Languages of Nocturnal Travelling Women

TFL launched 'Zero Tolerance' Campaign Against Sexual Harassment (Rolled out Wednesday 27th October 2021 till now)

TfL Launches 'Zero Tolerance' Campaign Against Sexual Harassment | Londonist

Londoners think they have pointed out major blunder in police sexual harassment campaign on London Underground - MyLondon

New campaign launches to stamp out sexual harassment on public transport - Transport for London (tfl.gov.uk)

See it. Say it. Sorted. - AML Group (aml-group.com)

As a young woman who commutes in the dark roughly five days a week, I have noticed a coded language appearing in everyday announcements, advertising, posters, and leaflets. Informing the public both on what is inappropriate behaviour, and the various ways you can get yourself out of those situations.

This coded language has been primarily evident on the London Underground trains and was first brought to my attention when they frequently announced and flashed above the heads of passengers sat opposite me; “If you see something that doesn’t look right, speak to staff or text British Transport Police on 61016. We’ll sort it. See it. Say it. Sorted.” Initially, I found the repetition of this announcement irritating as I found myself learning the entire script quite quickly, and sometimes couldn’t get the “See it. Say it. Sorted.” out of my head. However, upon reflection I’ve come to realise how intrusively brilliant the announcement is because, it has ensured I am aware of the services I can reach if I ever witness or become the victim of an uncomfortable and/or potentially dangerous situation.

In terms of origin, the “See it. Say it. Sorted” campaign unveiled at London Waterloo by Rail Minister (Paul Maynard MP) in November 2016 under Theresa May’s government. Self-proclaimed “strategic, creative and experience communications agency” AML Group had a huge part in creating the visuals of this campaign. The agency’s digital and printed posters boldly showing that famous five-word tagline in light blue, contrasting heavily with monochromatic illustrations of suspicious situations, in the style of the graphic Sin City novels. AML Group further claim “‘See it. Say it. Sorted.’ has appeared on 11,000 static and digital posters” and has “been broadcast as tannoy announcements across 5,000 stations and 13,000 trains. The campaign can now also be seen and heard on buses, trams, the London Underground, airports, and ferry terminals. But most importantly of all, texts and calls to British Transport police relating to suspicious circumstances have increased by 365% in the 3 years the campaign has been running.” These facts and statistics are reassuring for the public as they highlight how successful the expansion of the campaign within the UK’s Public transport has been, therefore making us feel more comfortable in reaching out to these services if they are needed in the future.

Overall, I believe the “See it. Say it. Sorted” campaign is a visually and audibly successful coded language for night travelling women like myself because the important information we might need is both eye catching and repetitive enough to be seen and remembered. I also think a lot of potential dangers follow us from the bustling safety of public transport and so being able to catch it and report it before continuing your journey alone could be the single factor that prevents sexual harassment or threat to life. Be that as it may, I do still have some reservations on how any of the information could be useful when walking alone at night specifically as they all seem to be linked to services solely linked to public transport (besides the police). Additionally, they could explore the imagery in a way that educates and deters potential offenders. For example, the images might demonstrate the life-long impacts of a victim, as well as the serious consequences (such as jail) the offenders may experience.

Another example of coded language is the #AskForAngela (#NoMore) Movement/Campaign launched by Inspector Hayley Crawford between 2012-2016 in Lincolnshire England. The #AskForAngela campaign was put in place to protect the public from unsafe situations in bars and pubs and was named by the Crawford in remembrance of Angela Crompton who was abused and killed by her husband and represents gender/sexuality orientated violence and abuse. On the Ask for Angela | Nottinghamshire Police Website page they feature an interview with Hayley Crawford where she describes what was going through her mind when she was working as a strategic lead for sexual violence and abuse for Lincolnshire County Council. Stating she started the scheme as part of a wider project to decrease sexual violence and abuse in the night-time economy.

"I was hearing of people meeting people from dating apps and having bad experiences".

"Angela was a good friend of my best friend and her murder devastated those who knew her".

“The scheme received so much positivity when it began in Lincolnshire and soon was replicated all over the United Kingdom and different parts of the world including the United States and Australia".

#Ask for Angela/#No More Movement & Campaign created by Inspector Hayley Crawford (2016) in name of Angela Crompton (2012) who represents all gender orientated abuse

Ask for Angela - Wikipedia

Ask for Angela | Nottinghamshire Police

Is the Ask for Angela initiative only for women? - National Pubwatch

[regeek]

Thoughts about the Deltora Gem Guardians

I’ve fallen back into the fandom of a book series I read as a kid thanks to great art, memes, and analysis by tumblr users like @doomofthehills, @sisterofthesouth, @rat-king-reeah, @dragoninmypocket, and @dragonloverdoran​. I’ve been rereading the books and ahve a lot of thoughts about them. Theres a really good post by @mask131​ about how each book reflects the stone in it that got me thinking about the gem guardians. 

Deltora is interesting for it’s themes of anxiety and despair. Sure, each book has a big scary monster, but often the stakes are as emotional as they are physical. Lief clearly struggles with anxiety, and has two attacks (in Shifting Sands and Shadowgate) that almost read like dissociative episodes. A lot of people have said they interpret the struggle against the Shadow Lord as a metaphor for living with depression or anxiety. Rereading the third series this is quite obvious, but I think there’s a bit more woven into the monsters of the original series. All of the Deltora books have a unique, memorable monster in its climax, some of the most diverse in fantasy fiction. But I think each of these monsters has a deeper meaning. In addition to being twisted versions of the ideal each Gem represents, I think they are each intended to represent a negative thought pattern, one that led them to their monstrous life and one the protagonists must keep themselves from falling into. 

First up is Gorl, who I think represents Delusion. I’m not saying he’s meant to be a metaphor for actual psychosis symptoms (though he is one of the more unhinged characters in the series) but rather self delusion. Gorl lives in his own little world, unaware of even the most basic developments of Deltora’s history. He’s also one of the least interested in the stone he guards, obsessing over a different treasure our protagonists don’t even want. Gorl has been consumed by both his own greed and guilt, incapable of accepting the reality he has created for himself. He is a mass of paranoia and ignorance, trapped in a prison of his own making. (A theme later touched on in Isle of Illusion.)

Soldeen is one of the easiest to peg: Depression. Happiness and despair are examined from multiple angles in the Lake of Tears, and in Soldeen’s case he represents the tendency for people to drag others into their own misery. This is most clear when he attempts to force Manus to live with him, but is generally why the Lake of Tears is such a depressing place: it’s ruler would rather force others to join in his misery than find happiness for himself. 

Reeah is also pretty obvious: Narcissism. It is curious how vain Reeah is, given that pride isn’t one of the main themes of City of the Rats. It is an interesting bit of foreshadowing that Reeah considers itself the most valuable of the Shadow Lord’s servants, the “Chosen One.” We see a lot of the Shadow Lord’s minions feel the same way, though in Reeah’s case it might be true. Reeah was tasked with not only guarding the Opal, but the source of the Grey Tide. Reeah is also the guardian most responsible for corrupting its section of Deltora. The City of Rats exists solely to feed Reeah, giving it a kingdom where every other creature is tiny and insignificant compared to it. But the rats small size is made up for by their numbers, and ultimately they end up feeding on Reeah as it fed on them. 

The Hive can be seen as representing Conformity or Compulsion. This sort of thing is par for the course for hive minds in fantasy and sci-fi, but it’s interesting how the Hive affects the minds of those around it. Rigane the Mad and Lief struggled to keep their inviduality when exposed to the will of the Hive. It nearly pushed them into a life of mindless obedience through sheer force of will. The Shadow Lord and his followers always tried to manipulate and control others through trickery and deception, the Hive used brute force. One of the most chilling lines in the series is when Lief realized the warning didn’t say “mindless will to survive” but “mindless will to serve the Hive.” It’s interesting that we never saw the Hive’s queen, though we know it had one. I would assume she was a creature of compulsive service too. The Hive wasn’t about serving an individual, but service for its own sake. 

Gellick represents Spite. While Reeah focused on how high it was above others, Gellick relished in punishing those below it. Gellick was petty and demanding, doling out harsh punishments for the smallest slight. It demanded nothing less than complete subjugation and was barely satisfied with that. Gellick was like a petulant child, reminding me of Dudley Dursley. Gellick was able to get away with this abhorrent attitude because it was so certain nobody would rebel against him, as they needed his poison. Gellick took full advantage of this to be as bossy and horrible as possible for he never believed anyone would resist. 

The Glus is a little hard to pin down, but I would argue it represents Instinct. Instincts aren’t necessarily bad, but in order to make it in life you have to resist your base urges every now and then. The Glus’ origin story adds an interesting layer, depending how you interpret it. Either it preserved the girl who cared for it in its web forever, or it ate her despite her kindness, ruled only by its own hunger. Either way I think the Maze of the Beast is not the ideal environment for the Glus, and it can be thought of as an invasive species. I imagine the Glus is meant to crawl in the ocean floor, its massive size free to explore the open sea. It is as trapped in the Maze as its victims, refusing to leave a habitat it was not meant for. I find it notable that the way the trio escaped the Glus is by damaging its home, and it ignored prey in favor of its obsessive need to repair its environment. I also find it interesting how the only two Guardians that are not destroyed are the Glus and the Hive, who are also the only two that are natural parts of Deltora’s ecosystem. 

The Guardian of the Diamond is kind of tricky. He’s the most intelligent, and most human of the guardians, so his personality is the most complex. He’s also explicitly associated with greed, pride, hate, and envy, making it hard to associate him with a single theme. However I think that overall he is a creature of Sadism. He is obsessed with games and puzzles, forcing his victims to play them. But he delights in the knowledge that no matter what they do, they are doomed to failure. He is excessively polite and glib, even though he plans to kill everyone he meets. And why wouldn’t he be? He knows they can’t steal the Diamond, and even if they figure out his puzzle, the revelation of his “true name” will make them abandon hope. So he sits on the side, taunting his victims with false kindness and reveling in their inevitable suffering. 

It should be noted that in each book, Lief, Barda and Jasmine succeed by rejecting the lifestyle of each guardian. They destroy Gorl with the prison of vines he built around himself. They convince Soldeen to pull himself out of his own despair. They feed Reeah to the masses he lorded over. They retrieve the Lapis Lazuli from the Hive by replacing it with something of equal size but no value, and Lief keeps his sanity with the help of his friends. They destroy Gellick by uniting the Kin and Dread Gnomes in rebellion against him, and his own awful personality is what ultimately kills him. They distract the Glus with a more powerful instinct than its hunger. And they play the Guardian’s game but keep up their resolve the whole time, even at its emotionally devastating conclusion. 

Anyway, hope any DQ fans reading this liked it. I��d love to hear your thoughts, And I’m thinking about doing a similar thing for the guardians of the Four Sisters. 

[solo-net]

QUESTIONS FOR OC CREATORS

( Saw these floating around on Tumblr and decided give it a shot. Art of V was done by the wonderful @commandermorgan because she’s a talented artist who needs all the acknowledgment for her gorgeous works. )

A) Why are you excited about this character?

Because Vera is a Black Bisexual woman ( like me! ) who is a Nomad in the Cyberpunk 2077 universe. Hardened by her life in the Badlands and ready to prove something to the people of Night City, Vera isn't a kind person and she’s not here to be your caretaker or hold your hand. She’s got her own agenda and while she’s always looking out for number one ( herself ), it’s not because she’s irredeemably self-serving, but because she’s a nomad who has been taught to survive from the moment she learned how to walk. 

Vera has the appearance of a sweet-faced, angelic beauty with an otherworldly innocence about her...except she’s the total opposite of her appearance and is someone who is incredibly dangerous and a product of the harsh environment she grew up in. I wanted to write a character who people would underestimate at first glance only to regret it later on. I also wanted to write a Black female character because as a Black woman, I’m more comfortable writing characters of my race, gender, and sexuality. Also, I see very few Black V’s in the Cyberpunk fandom and just wanted to get a headstart on that. 

B) What inspired you to create them?

It was complex female characters like Selina Kyle, Yennefer, and Ada Wong that inspired me to create Vera. Vera is a young woman in her early twenties who has lived a very hard life and desires to become something more in Night City. 

She’s fiercely independent and pragmatic to a fault, but she has managed to keep her integrity as a nomad intact and has her own “code” that she lives by. Vera grew up in the Badlands and survived by herself when her nomad family fell apart, going by less than favorable means, such as scavenging for supplies or even killing if necessary to protect her interests. At times she appears aloof and self-serving, hardened because of her deeply troubled life, but that doesn’t mean she won’t work alongside someone to get the job done. 

Vera is extremely guarded but has shown a degree of loyalty and compassion that she seldom reveals because of her chosen stoic exterior. Despite her “difficult” personality, she does have some semblance of a conscience and genuinely cares for anyone she considers “family.” 

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

To be honest...yes. Cyberpunk 2077 was slowly coming out of the woodworks and I was being spoon-fed small doses of information. So small that I didn’t know where to begin with Vera’s story. I plotted what I could with the teeny bits of information I was given. I mean, the game’s not even out yet and after watching all the NCW episodes, I’ve come to the conclusion that once the game comes out, I’m going to be making some big changes to her story. 

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

You know what? There’s some old artwork of Vera where she had green hair and her name was Vanya the artwork was done by @taiga-saejima​ who is just wonderful and incredible ( please show the mun some support ). 

“Vanya” was originally a brash, impulsive young woman with a prosthetic arm that could drill holes through a wall and had dreams of grandeur, but over time...she slowly began to evolve. She changed from this loud-mouthed moron to a silent survivalist suffering from an extreme amount of PTSD and has unresolved grief from a childhood trauma that haunts her. 

Like Max from Fury Road, she wandered from place to place in hopes of outrunning the “ghosts” that shadow her steps. Vera tells herself that she only came to Night City to make it big and provide opportunities for other nomads looking to earn a living for their families and that’s partially true, but deep down, she needed a distraction. Also, her hair is no longer green but a dark purple and her prosthetic forearm cannot drill holes into walls.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

I think we’d get along okay, but we wouldn’t be super close. 

I’m a huge wuss, and I would never be able to keep up with her because of my anxiety, my fear of loud noises, my crippling fear of getting physically hurt, and my unholy addiction to tea. Yes, Vera and I share some similarities, but I’ve been coddled my whole life, and she’s been on the road surviving. Vera and I would be better off as friendly neighbors eating lunch together and watching trashy reality shows. 

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

I feel nothing but love and pride for my baby girl. She’s been with me since 2019 and I’m surprised at how much she’s evolved as a character. Yes, I put her through a lot of shit but I never go overboard because heaping a bunch of pain on an oc can get boring and downright depressing. Vera’s story is about endurance, healing, determination, family, and freedom. 

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Although intelligent, Vera is highly paranoid which, combined with her temper can also affect the headway of her plans or position. She doesn’t trust easily and has a tiny circle of friends that she knows will never betray her. I can’t exactly blame her for being this way but this paranoia can be a hindrance because she’s slow to warm up to people and believes that someone is always out to get her. 

H) What trait do you admire most?

Her ability to manage money.

Vera excels at money management, and that is due to her analytical, obsessive nature. She’ll dot her i's and cross her t's — that means no stone goes unturned, and when it comes to financing, it's the same.

She’ll make notes, take notes, and figure things out in a realistic way. Reality is key with Vera, and that means she doesn’t fantasize about her bank account; she knows exactly what's going on and how to make her money grow.

Does she love spending money? Yes! She loves shopping, but she loves managing her money more...and discounts.

I also love how she’s not afraid to get her hands dirty.

Nothing is more important to Vera than achieving her own goals. She’s not out to hurt anyone, not really, but she will do whatever it takes to succeed and make it big in Night City. If someone gets in her way, that’s too bad — Vera won’t hesitate to tip the scales in her favor and remove the obstacle. The concept of “fair” loses all meaning to her if she feels like her ambitions are being threatened.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

Yes? No? I already know that a Nomad!V had to leave their family but there’s no information as to what happened to them...so I made up my own headcanon about what happened to Vera’s family. Her parents were murdered by Wraiths and the rest of her nomad family scattered during a particularly gruesome raid led by Raffen Shiv. 

I haven’t played the game yet...soooo I’m not sure which part of her story is canon. 

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

Yes and no.

I have so many aus for her it’s ridiculous. I have a Dead By Daylight au where she’s a goth girl just trying to survive and I have a Fallout 4 au where she traveled from the Mojave to the Commonwealth after her family was killed by the Legion.

[artboitrash]

His Bloody Rose (Stefano Valentini fanfiction) Chapter 23 - Obscura

-Rose's P.O.V.-

Stefano left me where I stood, the little girl laying in my arms. I glanced down at her, blinking at her as she lay there. I almost didn't believe it was possible that this girl had been wandering outside for so long with those creatures attacking those that aren't changed. Yet here she was, almost untouched and peacefully safe.

There was something about this girl that made me question things. She seemed odd, almost like she wasn't quite real. Stefano had shown me some of his photographs from when Union fell apart, and if the citizens weren't being used for his art, they were being stalked by those creatures and torn to pieces. So this little girl being untouched, and almost completely clean, aside from the bottoms of her feet, which weren't cut up or damaged, was almost a paradox to me.

I set her down on the bed I had been sharing with Stefano. She lay gently down, and I decided it might be best if she just rested for a while. If she's been awake as long as him, it's likely best to just let her sleep. I closed the door to the bedroom, quietly clicking the lock to make sure no one could enter without breaking the door down.

I sat down in a chair left in the room, allowing myself to think for a while. I wondered if it was okay to trust Stefano anymore. He seemed more... Manic, almost completely unhinged. I wasn't sure if the environment had helped him become more unpredictable, or if because he was left unchecked he began to indulge his work even more.

I scoffed to myself. Of course I shouldn't trust him. I should have never trusted him. I was surprised in myself for even trying to find him when he went missing.

Yet I still yearn to hear him praise me. I was sure that he wouldn't even care or remember me, no matter how much I wanted for him to love me back. I supposes it would be simple to think of me as a fling he had while looking for support of his work. But he still tried to hold me close and keep me by his side.

Seeing those limbs stitched together in the piece he made, the men with gunshots to their heads and knives slicing into their torsos... It honestly made me a little sick. I wasn't sure how I felt about his work now. Since arriving in Union, I didn't experience as much depression or mental issues as I did before. It made me wonder if it was even the real world, that is before everything went to shit. Now I know better, seeing the way he has magical abilities to make rooms appear and turn a single hallway into a maze.

I held my head up and tried to push passed the idea that he was going to hurt me. I tried to push down the idea of how he created his work, how he killed each person. I couldn't avoid it, but I tried.

This world was the first time I had seen a dead body.

And he was pleased with his work. When I still felt my depression, I was somewhat excited that he would turn me into a creation of his, but now that it's all gone... And it's much more terrifying. I'm not certain how to continue our relationship as it had been progressing. I had been scared of him before, but now I'm not sure how I feel. He's terrifying in that I watched him kill a man to show me his powers.

I think it's even more terrifying that I still love him. I can't pull my mind away from him, excitement overflowing me each time his lips met mine. It was like I fell into the stars when he brushed his knuckles across my face. I could feel my logic and rational side warring with my romantic and infatuated side; one insisting I run as far and as fast away from him as my legs can carry me, and the other begs me to stay by his side and give him everything he desires. I wanted to run away, screaming as I went to draw as much attention to the man, in hopes that he would never touch me again. And yet, as scary as it was, I couldn't bring myself to think about life without him. I loved the way he made me feel, even now. He made me feel special, the way he looked me over as he he held me, kissed me...

I watched the little girl sleeping on the bed. Was he really willing to pass her over to whoever asked for her? Was he really willing to...?

No, no I won't think about it. I can't bear to imagine what kind of a person asks someone to retrieve a child in a hellscape like this. Something about how Stefano had described the man asking for her, I couldn't help but think he had wanted to hurt the little girl. I couldn't imagine what that would say about Stefano if he was going to give her over to the man. I wanted to see the best in the person I love, but I can't ignore that mental probing.

I stood, allowing myself to stretch my limbs. I decided I needed to walk around. I began wandering around the room, just trying to stretch my legs. I paced slightly, moving to the door and moving back to the chair as I tried to get blood flowing through my body.

I heard a flashing sound, and turned as a blue light faded from the dim room. Stefano had returned, a wide, excited smile crossing his face. There was a blue light shining from underneath his bangs, and I stared for a moment. After a moment, I glanced into his visible eye as he approached me.

"Bella mia, I've had a wondrous idea!" he said excitedly.

"Oh, what is it?"

He pressed his lips against my head. "I have found I have some of the most wonderful ideas for bringing my creations to life. But, I need your opinions, and I need you to help me with my newest ideas."

He grasped onto my shoulders, and he disappeared before me. I looked around in hopes of finding where he had gone. Then I realized I was no longer in the locked bedroom. This new location was one I hadn't seen before, a long, outstretched hallway laying before me. The carpet looked like one of a hotel, and oddly looked like something from The Shining, but with a camera aperture instead.

I swallowed the small amount of fear that began to boil in my stomach. What did he want to show me?

I turned around, seeing an empty room laying behind me. I initially turned and began walking into the bare room, but there was only a table and an elevated arm that sat on it. I swallowed, and turned back around. I walked back down the hallway, slowly making my way forward. I was probably too wary for my own good, but I had made myself paranoid as I thought about Stefano's intentions.

I tried to laugh off my paranoia, but the silence and lonely hallway didn't quell the fear inside of me.

A loud, echoing scream knocked me off my balance. I jumped away from the sound, realizing it was coming from a window in the wall left of me. I looked into it, seeing Stefano's back turned to me. I couldn't see anything on the table in front of him, but I saw what looked like his darkroom surrounding him. It was like the window in the darkroom of my college, meant for looking out of to make sure you could transport a developed photo without letting light into the room.

"Sh, don't cry. You're becoming art." Stefano's voice said through the glass.

I could hear him, but it sounded far off. It was as though what I was seeing was something from the past. I watched the scene, his figure completely unmoving as he spoke.

"You shall be part of my Obscura..." his voice became almost breathless as he spoke, as though lovingly as he killed the woman, still screaming.

The scene before me disappeared, blackening as it all disappeared. I swallowed and began to move forward again. I continued walking down the hallway, carefully stepping one foot in front of the other.

Another screaming, coming from my right this time, startled me as I approached another window. I could see him again, standing with his back to me. He still didn't move, as though frozen. I could hear him working, though, what sounded like a wet tearing sound meeting my ears.

"Ah, flesh..." he said over the sound of the woman's screams. "Less malleable than clay, softer than marble... It really is the perfect medium."

I watched the still frozen Stefano, listening as that woman kept screaming.

"Agh! I can't concentrate like this!" He cried out, his tone sounding annoyed and angry. "A sculpture doesn't need a tongue..."

The woman's screaming was silenced, and a choking sound sounded off. It was like the sound of something being forced down her throat. Once she had stopped screaming, the window turned black like the one a few paces behind me. The scene disappeared before me, and I turned to the empty hallway.

Is this who I am? Is he showing me this to tell me I'm going to be his next creation?

I stood, frozen at first. I couldn't move at all, shivering quietly as the sound of the woman's screams being silenced echoed in my mind.

"Ah, bella mia," I heard as something grabbed my shoulders from behind, "why did you stop?"

I turned around, looking into the eye of Stefano, who had appeared behind me. I tried to swallow my fear, beginning to question myself as this man held onto my shoulders.

"You promised me you would be mine until I was tired of you."

I shivered as he began to brush a finger against my face. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine myself anywhere else.

"I think it's a little overwhelming."

"Hmm..." he chuckled. "My dear, what have I told you about cowards? About lying to me?"

I didn't answer, and after a moment he turned me around. His arm wrapped around my shoulder, guiding me down the hallway with him. I tried to think about how to get out of this, get away from this man. He wasn't the Stefano I knew, whatever his power was allowing him to do was changing the man I had fallen in love with.

We reached the end of the hallway, a dark red curtain hanging in front of us, and he reached his free hand out, drawing aside the dark fabric. It was a dark room, and I thought it was meant to be empty.

"Is... Is this my room?" I said, with a tremble in my voice. "Where you'll turn me into a sculpture...?"

He laughed. "Oh, no... Of course not. I have such plans for you, my dear."

Lights clicked on, focusing on the center of the room in which we stood. What faced me was skin stretched across barbed wire, shaping what appeared to be three gigantic legs. They were at least as large as me, and they led up to an empty torso. The legs had tailored ballet slippers daintily placed on the feet, and tied up to the ankles. I glanced around, seeing what looked like an older camera being situated a little ways away.

I swallowed as Stefano pulled me closer to this sculpture.

"What do you think?" he said quietly. "You are the first to see this work in progress."

I glanced over at him, realizing there was something hidden in his voice. He chuckled as he regarded me.

"My dear, I told you so long ago that I would give you my best. You shall have it, and I shall have you by my side as we create art forever. You will not be powerless anymore."

I gasped as he pulled me into a kiss. I closed my eyes, feeling him beginning to undress me. He tore off the red dress he had given me violently, allowing it to be spread in tattered pieces along the floor. He held me tightly and pulled me closer to the incomplete sculpture.

"Do not touch." he whispered as I moved to undo his scarf. "This is not for pleasure, my dear. This is for the sake of art."

I gasped as something sharp pricked my bare neck. I grasped at my neck as he withdrew a needle. He wasn't bothering to smile now, a look across his face tantamount to glee without reaction.

"You are the finishing piece to my crowning achievement."

I stumbled backwards, and he disappeared. I felt myself being grabbed from behind, and my legs gave out from underneath me as I stumbled into him.

"Come, my muse... Your throne awaits."

His breath was hot against my ear as I felt him press his lips into my skin. My eyes drooped and I could feel myself passing out. The darkness took me, and the world disappeared. That was the last thing I remembered. The end of Rose Olian.

-

(author’s note)

Before it's brought up, this idea has been floating in my mind since the beginning of my story. I had an idea for how this would play out, but I've been worried about how it would be received. I can rewrite this chapter if it's not liked, but I kind of like the idea of Stefano creating Obscura from someone he knows loves him so she's easier for him to control.

Also, there is more to the story, don't worry. <3

[starfaring-princelotor]

Second Sight

Summary: Voltron has returned.

★ Disclaimer: I do not ship Lotura and I respectfully ask that this story to not be tagged as Lotura. This is a Lotor x Reader/Self-Insert OC story which is in no way related to Allura at all. Please be respectful of my chosen pairing. ★

Warnings: n/a

A/N: Doctor Sherri belongs to @shanonigans-dewm

Touch Series: Part One___Part Two___Part Three___Part Four___Part Five

Taste Series: Part One___Part Two___Part Three___Part Four___Part Five

Sight Series: Part One___Part Two___Part Three___Part Four

At this point in your life, death was a very close friend of yours. A close friend that reminded you of how precious time was, how precious being alive was, and that it should never be taken for granted. You’ve had guns in your face before. You’ve had several deadly weapons aimed between your eyes before. Yet, every single damn time, death was always creeping on your shoulder saying, “Don’t be afraid.”

Even now, with the Altean broadsword’s lethal tip hovering barely an inch over the bridge of your nose, that voice whispered, “Hello again, good doctor.”

You lost. It would’ve only been a matter of time, anyways. By human standards, you had formidable endurance. By Altean? Not so much. The captain of the trio was physically stronger than you, better trained than you in the Altean battle arts, so you knew you wouldn't last as long as him. Then again, this wasn't about victory or defeat. This was just to prove you weren't a spy, someone who could potential betray them.

His comrades stood off to the side, watching the entire fight without so much as a flinch. Acxa was at the other end of the field, opting to keep her distance should you die from a fatal blow. If that were to happen, she would need a quick escape. Except, the Altean...he did not strike you down. You were panting, clearly out of breath and stamina, but he only kept his weapon pointed threateningly at your defeated form laying on the ground.

He lowered his sword, signifying the end of the fight, then held a hand out for you to take, “You defend well for a human. I didn’t know Lotor was one to share Altean culture with others.”

“He isn’t. He saw how...inefficient I was on the field and we decided I needed proper training,” you gripped his hand and he hauled you up to your feet effortlessly, “In the end, he was right to do so.”

“Consider yourself lucky. Yet, I still find myself wondering...how did you come to know our esteemed leader? And, pray tell, where is he?”

You glanced at Acxa, “That is a long story. Who is second in charge of this facility?”

“I will introduce you to Medical Chief Officer Kylan shortly. But first,” the man sheathed his sword, yet kept his hand locked with your forearm, “Allow me to fix your wounds.”

Before you could pull away, he had closed his eyes in concentration as his entire hand began glowing a faint white color. You initially tried to pull out of his grip, but you felt the ache in your fingertips begin tingling into something more...pleasant. Then, it spread to your forearm, your shoulder, until your entire body lost all the tension that was created from the battle. Wide eyes stared in wonder at the magic before you, but you had to ask: was it truly magic? Or science? Or both?

“How did you do that?” you asked while examining your hand, noticing all the scratches were already gone. Sealed, like they weren't ever there in the first place.

“I transferred some of my quintessence to replenish your fatigue,“ he then motioned you to follow him, “...This...this is new to you?”

Now, that caught Acxa’s attention. The Altean removed his shield to reveal a bracelet of sorts, attached skin tight and made of a dull silver alloy. The white etchings began to fade, signifying the magic powering down at the wearer’s command. Then, that is when you noticed runes etched in the metal, runes very similar to Altean writing. There was so much you didn’t know, so many questions you had, and very little time to answer them all.

He led you through a maze of halls, passing many other Alteans who donned similar wear like his crew. To your surprise, you even saw Galra personnel mixed among them, conversing with the others rather...normally. It was a work environment that you did not imagine you would ever get a chance to witness, especially with the history between both species.

When he halted in front of a door, the Altean warrior scanned his hand on the pad, “Captain Ewan here. I have the two visitors from the Galra ship. They have news concerning Lotor.”

The door slid open and a tall, lithe Galra man stood before the group, eyes wide and fully surprised. Square chin, long appendages on his head tied back in a ponytail, and pupiless eyes. You noticed he held the same mouth as Zarkon, but lacked the darker hue of purple like others of his kind. His attention immediately zoned in on you and Acxa, the ex-general’s cautious gaze much more intense than yours.

She was conflicted. She was not blind to the tension between both races. She knew even her ancestors blamed King Alfor for the destruction of their home planet. There was not one side that knew the whole story and, perhaps, even that prejudice itself is what made her wary of the almost too peaceful environment she found herself in. Acxa didn’t know that Lotor not only saved Alteans from extinction, but also found a way to have Galra coexist with them, too.

They all acted like buddies. Like...a community. Acxa felt out of place, like she didn’t belong here after all the damage she grew up with about her own half-blooded self. Shouldn’t the Alteans be sneering at her mere existence? Shouldn’t the Galra be questioning which side of the Empire she was loyal to? Lotor may have taught her and the other generals to embrace their diversity, embrace their unique selves wholeheartedly, but this?

That inkling of doubt was still ingrained in her after all these years. That paranoia was never truly silenced.

“Come in, please. Take a seat, there is much to be discussed.” He walked around his desk, pouring three glasses of water then offering it you two, “I am Kylan, head medical officer of this hospital facility. I wish we could meet under better circumstances, and I apologize for my hastiness, but do understand that Lotor’s absence has left many of us here uneasy. It is not like him to cut communication for over a year.”

Has it really been a year? It felt so much longer than that.

You glanced at Acxa from the corner of your eye, “I will tell you everything, but first we have a patient in critical condition. Her leg has been amputated and the supplies on the ship are limited - ”

“Consider it done. Captain? Take Doctor Sherri with you.”

“I will accompany you,” Acxa spoke up, already following the group out of the room and leaving you alone with the Galra doctor.

She sent you a look of understanding, one that told you to remember the deal. Once her team was healed, was stable enough to run, they would leave you here by yourself. Alone without protection from Haggar’s reach or anyone else who would come searching for you. These were Lotor’s generals, not yours. When the door closed behind them, you gave your full attention back to Kylan.

His fingers were laced over his face, elbows perched on the table and eyes regarding you carefully, “This hospital is a private facility that Lotor himself ensured to be kept secret at all times. The only ones who knew about it are those who he would entrust on a deeply personal level. How you found us tells me that you knew Lotor...or you know someone who worked with him.”

“Hospital?” you repeated, “Did you say...hospital?”

“Yes. Were you informed of the work we do here?”

You shook your head no, “I - no. Doctor Kylan, are you aware of the partnership between Voltron and the Galra Empire?”

“Of course. Many Alteans here were unsure about the union, but ultimately, they agreed and saw this as a hopeful spark for the future. Everyone knows of the history of Voltron, the Defenders of the Universe. Hearing good news that the war has ended was...well, to put it bluntly, a huge damn relief.”

It was supposed to be a relief. A reminder of a more peaceful time to come. Your head tilted down slightly, eyes boring into the metal desk in uncertainty. This did not go by Kylan.

“Has...has something happened?” he inquired with a grave tone, “Last we heard, Lotor had successfully created the Sincline ships along with Allura.”

“What do you know of Allura?”

“The Princess? The entire Colony is eagerly awaiting to meet her once the war is over, once it’s safe enough to come out of hiding. An ancient Altean, still alive to this day. I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled they are to speak to such a historic figure - “

“Allura betrayed Lotor.”

That one sentence stopped Kylan in the middle of his speech.

“Voltron betrayed Lotor,” you continued, voice dripping with barely concealed hatred, “They attacked him and he - “

Taking a deep breath, you tried your damnedest to keep yourself level headed. What you saw and what you say will never hold up to defend Lotor. You needed more than that. You needed proof. Solid evidence. You needed Lotor and only Lotor.

Kylan observed you, observed the conflict that was still fresh in your mind, then asked something even he was hesitant to say, “Is Lotor...dead?”

“I don’t know.” You wished you could give him a better answer, “All I do know is that both Voltron and Lotor disappeared into the Rift and haven’t returned. One of the witnesses who last saw him was Acxa, the one who accompanied me here.”

A pregnant paused filled the room with only one question hanging in the air: What now?

“This is ill news,” he ran a clawed hand over his head, “Shit...Shit! This does not bode well.”

No, it certainly does not. The situation was stirring for a year now. Kylan was in charge of the facility until Lotor’s return. They discussed precautions should such a situation happen, but this was much more complicated than he imagined. Hearing that Allura, the Princess of Old Altea, had betrayed Lotor? Princess Allura, a piece of lost history many of the Alteans revered and wished to learn from, attacked their leader? Their savior? It will cause a shift among the masses. It will cause doubt. Shame. It will...it will cause anger.

Anger at her actions and disappointment in her ways. Peace first. That has always been the Altean way. Always.

“How did this happen?” Kylan pinched the bridge of his nose, “Tell me everything.”

“Everything...everything started with an Altean named Romelle.”

“Romelle, sister of Bandor?”

“Yes, how did you know?” you questioned with a tilt of your head, “Two members of the Blades of Marmora discovered Romelle on...her home planet?”

“The first colony. Where all the citizens have lived for thousands of years. If they were able to find it, then the people there are in critical danger.”

“It’s more than that, Doctor Kylan.” You sighed heavily, trying to get your thoughts organized in a way that would make sense to him, “There is...missing information. Something didn’t make sense and Voltron - Allura, she...“

Your mind was already deteriorating from running and planning your survival day by day. You were losing focus and you knew it. You were fraying at the seams, trying to recall what happened, but the details were blurring together. You brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose, trying to temper that headache from forming.

Kylan was aware of the reason why Lotor kept the colony hidden. He was also aware why he did not immediately introduce the Princess to the Alteans. It all fell upon trust. Upon risk that he could not take. Not yet, Lotor had told him. It isn’t safe. Judging by the turn of events, he was right.

Kylan narrowed his eyes in thought before leaning against the desk, “Forgive me for being forward, but do you mind if I tap into your mind?”

“Tap into...you plan on interrogating me?”

“No, no, good doctor, no. Through our research, we have learned to harness the quintessence in our bodies to achieve many various goals. Healing the wounded, enhancing the lifespan of plants, and even share connections with those who are willing. Under no circumstance would we use this magic against the other’s choice,” he explained thoroughly, seeing the hesitance behind your eyes, “Tapping into people’s mind can show me memories, feelings, everything you wish to show. I swear to you, upon my honor as a doctor, I would not go any further than you feel comfortable to share.”

You were still unsure why they would even need this ability if not to take information without consent. Were they all...like Haggar, then? Able to manipulate minds and steal memories? You thought about Shiro and his frequent headaches. You thought...if Kylan was a doctor taught under Lotor’s lessons, what would he do? Would he wipe out your memories the second he got what he was searching for? Or would he trust you to stay by his side?

“Okay…” you agreed, leaning forward and putting your head up first, “Okay...make it quick.”

Kylan’s large hands rose and his index fingers touched the side of your temples. You trusted Lotor and, to an extent, he placed his trust in you. The Galra doctor will find out why, will find out how you worked with the Altean’s leader. And from what he sees, what he witnesses in your mind, then he will judge you as a character. An ally or a foe?

“This is not a drill. Operation Purge is a go.”

Your eyes widened at Kylan’s words announcing a command over the microphone. There wasn’t panic in his voice, no, more like determination. Foreboding determination at words he didn’t think he would ever have to say in his lifetime. He stood up quickly, chair sliding against the floor, then spoke once more.

“I repeat, this is not a drill.”

Your footsteps rushed to keep in pace with the doctor, but he was hurried and frantic. All around it was a madhouse, personnel rushing about and gathering as much material from their offices as they could. Even patients were being pushed on floating gurneys down to what you could only assume was the facility hangar.

  “Doctor, what’s going on?” you asked, narrowly dodging another medical officer.

“I will explain when we get to the main computer system,” he answered before grabbing a nearby Galra, “Anapa, take the blueprints for the pods. We leave no trace of the technology we have here. Split the documents into five parts, one for each ship commander.”

“Right away, sir.”

“And destroy all evidence. Absolutely no pods are to be salvageable, do I make myself clear?”

You suddenly gripped the doctor’s elbow and turned him around forcefully, “No, I need that evidence to save Lotor!”

“This isn’t about Lotor,” Kylan shrugged his arm back, breaking your hold, “This is about his work. We can not risk anyone using the inventions we created here for evil.”

You didn’t like this. Everything you needed to prove Lotor’s innocence was right here, right at your fingertips, but Kylan was correct. This place, the people here, whatever they DID here, was Lotor’s work. He would’ve wanted it to be safely secured and away from evil’s clutches. Still, you had to remember this was a necessary precaution. This is why he always had a Plan B, even when he was no longer -

“We can not take the risk, doctor. If Lotor is alive, then he knows how to unite us again. He knows how to find us once more. But if he isn’t...Alteans must be protected and preserved. Our location has been compromised.”

Their first priority wasn’t finding Lotor. It was ensuring his work would continue. Ensuring his discoveries would be used for good, even if it had to be buried for now.

Kylan placed his hand on the scanner and, within a few seconds, the door slid open. Inside, there was a large holographic map of what looked to be of the facility itself. Little red dots indicated officers while white must be...patients? Regardless, the evacuation was happening at a faster rate than you expected.

The Galra doctor tapped the control monitor too fast for your eyes to read, “I didn’t expect Bandor’s death to lead such a horrible domino effect. And now with Romelle and the Blades of Marmora knowing our location? It not only put the hospital in danger, but the first colony, too.”

A giant red warning sign popped up on the screen reading only one question: Are you sure you wish to erase all data?

“That is where Captain Ewan will go. We have a small army trained for battle, but first the citizens must be relocated to a safer environment. Even...even if their identities have to be deleted.”

Kylan pressed “Yes” and instantly, a loading bar began indicating the purge. Thousands of faces, thousands of Altean’s information was being erased. Wiped out. Gone from the database and any who would potentially hack into it. Family, friends, now only a blip in the sands of time. History being destroyed. It left your soul uneasy to witness this necessary precaution.

The doctor glanced at you momentarily, “I realize this...this operation does very little to help you with Lotor. I apologize. I know your intentions are true, and I will aid you to the best of my ability once we leave, but the responsibility of reviving Altea’s culture and it’s people now falls upon my shoulders.”

And what a weight it would be, he thought. You watched the video surveillance, watched Galra ship after ship lift off. Acxa was no doubt gone already, taking her credibility as a witness to the crime with her. It felt like as soon you had a smidgen of evidence to finding Lotor, to proving him right or wrong, it was unfairly ripped from your grasp. Always pushed back to square one.

No. Not square one. You found the colony, the hospital. That was proof already to yourself about Lotor’s intentions.

“Come with me, doctor,” Kylan watched with a forlorn expression as all the lights and monitors began blinking off one by one, “We must leave quickly. To Yu’ruvat.”

You slumped into the sofa, exhausted and ready to collapse from the overwhelming turn of events. A thousand thoughts were going through your mind. Within the span of a day, the colony existed then disappeared from the universe in a blink. Eyes slowly closed as all the sounds around you began quieting down in your head. That is, until the clink of a cup drew your attention.

Drearily, you looked at Kylan just as he took a seat besides you. On the table was a cup of something warm, indicative by the steam rising from the drink. You slowly took it within your hands, simply holding it and soaking in the heat. When was the last time you had a drink? Or a meal? Shit.

“Thank you, doctor,” you peered into your drink, some sort of orange tonic.

He waved a hand, silently saying it was no hassle. “No, I should be thanking you for arriving as you did. Had you not, who knows what would have happened in due time. It’s still troubling that...two strangers were able to find the colony and the hospital. I only hope that Captain Ewan was able to evacuate them safely.”

You fell silent.

“Your...presence has also made us aware of Haggar’s intentions. She’s looking for the Emperor, yes. Desperately so, but I can’t help feel suspicious of her actions. With Lotor gone and the throne prime for taking, why did she not crown herself?” he took a small sip from his cup. “All the Galra who were under Zarkon’s rule know she was controlling him. Even so, there are commanders who respected her to an extent. The only reason she wouldn’t take it is because our customs would not allow it. No full-blooded Altean has ever ruled a Galra Empire before.”

Yes. Yes, you do recall Allura mentioning that the witch Haggar was an Altean. Ironic, that. 

“Which leaves me to believe she is after Lotor to reign control again. But if he isn’t found, then she will reach out to another viable candidate. Until five years pass, the Empire is in limbo,” Kylan turned to face you, “Why did she let you go?”

“I told her what she wanted to hear. Whatever I needed to say for me to survive,” you paused, “My only goal is to find Emperor Lotor. You saw the accusations. You saw the mayhem that transpired afterwards. Bringing him back is pivotal to the future.”

“Are you sure that’s the only reason?”

“Yes,” you answered in a heartbeat, but it felt...like you were only telling half the truth.

The other half? You didn't want to expose to yourself quite yet. There was so much more to do, much more important things to solve, that you put your own self as a last priority. Kylan tapped into your mind. Surely he understood, the universe before discovering oneself. Responsibilities to peace among everything else. 

“You’re not returning to Haggar if you don’t find him.”

“No. If he is dead, then I will be, too. It just depends on when I want to die,” you thumbed the lip of the cup, “And where. If it’s inevitable, I should at least have some control over my fate by running until the road ends.”

“And if he is alive? What will you do then?”

Now, you flicked your gaze at him from the corner of your eyes, “I...I would follow his lead.”

Kylan silently observed you as you spoke those words. Part of him believed you were suffering from something more than survivor’s guilt. That man he saw, Shiro? Was clearly someone close to you. And now he was gone. When he peered into your memories, he felt the painful isolation you experienced the past year. He felt the crumbling control over yourself when Lotor walked away down that hallway.

“Using quintessence to look into people’s minds was one of the first discoveries Lotor made. He had the help of a special species that could sense the emotions of a troubled individual, using this ability to soothe one’s feelings. Now, we harness this power to figure out exactly what haunts each person. Galra, Alteans, much of the older generation suffer from some form of trauma since the destruction of Daibazaal and Altea,” he informed with an almost pitiful look on his face.

The pity was aimed at you. You didn't like it. You were...ashamed by it, so you turned away from him. Shiro never looked at you with pity. Lotor never looked at you with pity. Maybe you felt uncomfortable about it because Kylan saw your private thoughts so vividly where no one else did. Where no one else could. The mind is an intimate place, but you gave it up to benefit yourself.

“It was the first step to healing the scars left behind by the history between the two races. Lotor always believed that a strong alliance started with the people. He united us and proved that we are better together.” Kylan watched you cup the drink closer, as if trying to keep yourself warmer in the chilly ship, “In olden days, royal Alteans were known as life givers. Not in our society. We are called life sharers. We share our troubles, our woes, our happiness, our grief, and even our souls.”

You fleetingly wondered why he was telling you this. Why he mentions the history that started the entire universe’s war. Or maybe...maybe he wasn’t talking about the universe. You were no therapist. You didn't train for repairing mental wounds. You thought you had a grasp on yourself, could take care of yourself when those dark days felt looming over you.

Bags under your eyes. The shine was dulled from your face. When was the last time you felt normal? Not happy, but just...at peace? Content? You felt cold, as if you were hibernating in a winter that has been staying for far too long.

“Our way of understanding science and magic as one are not limited to just Alteans and Galras. Every living being in the universe has quintessence in their bodies. They have the potential to unlock those abilities. All they need is the will power to learn it.”

He stood up as you kept your silence surrounding him. You were listening. You listened to Lotor. You would listen to Kylan. You know the offer he was extending to you, but the real question was whether or not this would help you in the long run. That’s how your mind worked. How could this not only help others, but also help you?

“Can you teach it to me, Kylan?”

If Lotor was dead, if you were to go into hiding, if Haggar were to find you, then you would go down fighting.

“Yes.”

Kylan was a good teacher. He understood that no two bodies were the same, no two species were completely similar, and he used that knowledge to train you. Whereas most of the Alteans had little difficulty harnessing the use of touch with their lessons, that sense of touch was strangely unusual for you. The doctor took this in account when he healed your wounds after each training session.

It was odd. A doctor who disliked touching. He was willing to bet Lotor thought the same thing when he first came across you.

The view of empty space and destroyed planets greeted you and the crew stationed at the helm. Months had passed now and, although you wore the same bracelet Kylan had, your progress with harnessing its powers was barely halfway complete. It was definitely draining on the soul, testing and pushing your limits on how much of your energy you could truly share as a human. To any doctor, this was the dream ability. The ability to heal responsibly. The ability to know your limits.

“There have been spikes of quintessence pockets popping up in this sector, captain. However, no physical sign of any life yet.”

“Good work, general. Keep searching. If my theory is correct, the wall is weak here. The Rift will open soon, so we need to get that gate ready,” Kylan explained, hope tinging in his voice.

“Are you sure about this?”

The man turned to you, also keeping your eyes on the horizon, “Yes. The Rift...it is like a river. Flowing with endless quintessence, teeming with life force itself. It isn't all that different than the natural environment of many planets. Give it time and a dam will burst through.”

That was what you and the team was relying on now. The river will push someone out. Voltron, Lotor. The pocket could only hold for so long. Would it overflow and leave a gaping hole in the universe? Yes. But right now, with no trans-reality comet and no miraculous mech at the galaxy’s aid, what could you do besides wait?

“The Ruvatians will create the sealant we need. Patience, doctor,” he saw the doubt flit over your eyes, “Whoever comes through that hole has to help us. If not, then our Plan B will succeed.”

“How? The Alteans who went to Oriande could not pass the test. They were not even able to breech past the White Lion,” you argued, “You need the secret knowledge of Ancient Altea to create something, anything, strong enough to pierce the Rift.”

“We don’t need it. We have all the knowledge here already.” Kylan crossed his arms, calculating in his words, “The magic we learned from quintessence is important. The science we use will help. We’re not trying to get into the Rift. We’re trying to close it. That’s what the cannon is for. To burn the raw quintessence long enough to close the rip.”

Close it until another way was found to harvest it safely. Now that the old gate was destroyed, it made sense. Never let a wound fester untreated. It was better to seal it for now. There were engineers working on a new gate, using the destroyed pieces to fix the puzzle backwards. The parts were scarce and resources? Even harder to come by. But this had to work.

Lotor’s plan to harvest quintessence safely failed. Voltron destroyed the only gate keeping the realities closed off from whatever monsters laid in the Rift. And now...now, original plans have changed.

“I respect Lotor’s wishes. I know of the vision he had in mind for the future and, as much as I would’ve celebrated such a path, we can’t have two problems on our hands. The Empire’s rogues reign free to wreck havoc. Imagine how much more death would come if this Rift stayed open.”

“Kylan,” you began, “What will happen to the Alteans? The Galra?”

He placed a thumb on his chin, deep in thought, “The Galra Empire relies on quintessence. In the natural state of life, everything will eventually die. My guess, doctor, is that the Empire will exhaust their reserves and move on to the next viable energy source. As for whether that is a better solution, only time will tell.”

“And the Alteans?”

You saw the way his jaw set firmly.

“They are already in hiding. I don’t think it would be safe for them anywhere else right now.”

So now, what were you to do? Where exactly did your loyalty lie? In the Galra Empire that Lotor worked so hard to control? Or to the Alteans that he desperately tried to save? And you thought to yourself then, how long would it take for you to remain dedicated to a crumbling Empire? Or a slowly extinct species?

“The gate is ready to launch,” he announced to pull you out of your thoughts, “Power up the main generator. Cetra, use the refined quintessence reserves to enhance the process.”

“Yes, sir.”

Someone, anyone, had to come out of that gate. You hope it would be Lotor. Even you knew that he has more command to save the universe. But Voltron? Voltron was nothing but a weapon. A weapon that gave people false hope for a safer future. Perhaps in a different reality, it would have worked. Perhaps in a different reality, you wouldn’t be stuck repeating history. Perhaps in a different reality, for once, someone else would clean up this mess.

In the distance, you could see the Rift gate begin to glow a vibrant ring of blue and white. You don’t know if you would consider it a blessing or stupid dumb luck that Lotor’s work with Allura actually paved a way for the engineers to rebuild the gate better than before. At the cost of what was sacrificed, you would think otherwise. You could feel the thick tension fill the air around the main deck as everyone, Kylan included, stared on with abated breath.

The door was open. A blinding light, shimmering specks of quintessence powdered the gate and there, floating completely unscathed, was Voltron.

Your stomach sank. The almighty Voltron was not everyone’s hero.

Despite your warning to Kylan, he reassured you that the defenses would hold should Voltron attack. Much to your surprise, no confrontation of any sort happened. It left you uneasy, to say the least, but the captain of the ship was not a fool. The warriors flanked the both of you, weapons set to stun if Kylan’s initial judgement was wrong about the Paladins. The hangar door opened and each of the towering lions stood proudly before the crew.

Outwardly, you looked tense, wired and ready to attack or flee. But inwardly, too many emotions collided in your chest. You had no idea where Shiro went. You had no idea if Keith captured him or not. And the rest of the Paladins? Your “allies?” Where were they? After a year, why did they turn their back on the universe? And more importantly, where was Lotor? Only one mech came through that gate.

It wasn't the one you desperately hoped for.

“Paladins!” Kylan bellowed, loud enough that his strong voice echoed the hangar walls, “Show yourselves!”

Yes, cowards, show yourselves. Each lion lowered their head and out came five figures, five figures significantly taller than the Paladins you remembered. Not a single one of them raised their bayards. It made you suspicious. These...there was something wrong. Off about them. Warning signs began ringing in your mind. That is, until the Black Paladin took a step forward ahead of the rest and slowly removed the helmet. 

You glared vehemently at the figure, but that anger fizzled out into nothing when you spotted a drapery of silver hair.

Deep lavender skin.

Nebulous eyes staring widely at you.

And a familiar voice calling out your name in confusion.

To which you could only respond with a whisper of the man you were searching for all this time.

“...Lotor?”

[the-stoned-ranger]

Natal Chart Delineation for Julian Barratt

Happy Birthday, Julian! I can already hear you saying, “Thanks, I hate it,” to which I say, “You’re welcome, you beautiful bastard!” This chart is also posted on the AO3 here.

 Ascendant in Scorpio:  The Ascendant rules a native’s public persona and appearance. Ascendant in Scorpio natives are      intense    . People either love Julian or hate him--they are rarely indifferent to him. He has a very strong personal presence and a strong sex appeal. Appearance-wise, Ascendant in Scorpio natives tend to have small, dark, deep-set eyes, high cheekbones, and a strong brow.

 Julian is intensely private, protective of his privacy almost to the point of paranoia. This may also manifest as being protective of his personal space (hence all those “don’t touch me!” jokes). While he values his own privacy, he has a knack for seeing below the surface of others, honing in beneath their their appearance and words to identify who they really are and what they’re      really     saying. He does not have time or patience for people who are shallow, casual, or just fucking around, especially in regards to a romantic partner. Some people find his ability to see beneath the surface endearing; others are intimidated by it.

 As Scorpio is the most sexual of the signs, Julian’s sexual presence is quite strong. He has a very strong libido (this is emphasized by his Venus in Taurus), and “just sex” is not enough for him. He may have a rich fantasy life, or kinks that involve pain, domination, and other types of power-play. Emphasizing this part of his personality is Mars. Mars is the traditional ruler of Scorpio, and Julian’s Mars is in Taurus, the most sensual of the signs. Julian is very pleasure-seeking, but must be careful not to overindulge his appetites (Sexual and otherwise). He is incredibly strong-willed and not easily discouraged when things get in between him and his goals--he is determined to persevere. However, he may find it difficult to let go of things, people, and projects. In relationships, he can be very possessive and find it difficult to let go of a friend or lover, even if the relationship is unhealthy.

 Ruler of Ascendant (Pluto) in 11th House:  The 11th house rules peer groups. Thus, Julian’s public persona is defined by his friendships and relationships with his peers. His public persona is something of a mishmash of his friends’ behaviors and personalities. He is very good at social mimicry, and can blend in easily in a crowd.

 This a very creative placement, BUT Julian’s creativity is best fulfilled when he is working with others rather than on his own. This is an excellent placement for success with collaborative projects. Julian can be somewhat gruff and uncomfortably intense in social situations, but when he opens up enough to share his interests and creative talents with others, he is easier to like.

 Neptune in Scorpio in the 1st house  : People with this placement have very unique eyes. Their eyes are one of the first things you notice about them: they are otherworldly, piercing, magnetic. His eyes hold many secrets, and it is nearly impossible to tell when Julian is lying or being dishonest by looking him in the eye. It may be difficult for natives with this placement to make eye contact. When they do, you may feel that he isn’t looking      at     you, he’s looking      through     you.

 He is very sensitive to his environment. He may have some latent psychic abilities; if not, then he is able to pick up on energies very easily. He does this subconsciously, and may not even be aware he is doing so; this can be very confusing for him. His moods are influenced by the energy in his environment, and he may experience mood swings and random bouts of depression as a result.

 This is an excellent Neptune placement for actors. With Neptune in the 1st house, the native is perceived by others to be almost a “blank slate” for their projections. It is easy for Julian to slip into another persona, and he often will change his behavior based on what he thinks others expect from him. This may cause Julian to experience some confusion about his identity and who he really is.

 2nd House in Sagittarius:   The 2nd house rules material wealth. This placement indicates that Julian makes a lot of money, but he doesn’t hoard it. He can be something of a spendthrift, making big and/or expensive purchases and investments on impulse. He likes giving expensive gifts.

 He is very generous with his money, and will give it to a friend in need without expecting to be paid back. He may donate a lot of money to charity, especially to a charity related to higher education or associated with a spiritual organization. He spends money on travel in foreign countries.

 2nd house ruler (Jupiter) in 10th house:   This indicates that Julian makes his money as a public figure. Julian has a strong need for material comfort and financial security. This need motivates him to build a lucrative career. He invests money in his reputation.

 3rd house in Capricorn:   The 3rd house rules communication, early education, siblings, and short trips. Julian may have begun speaking later than most children. Perhaps he was something of an intellectual late-bloomer. He may have struggled in school as a young child, though he was able to move past this phase through hard work and perseverance.

 Julian does not believe in wasting words and has little patience for small talk. He is slow to speak, often waiting to hear what others have to say before contributing to a conversation. Some people think he is cold or difficult to talk to, but he simply doesn’t bother talking unless he thinks he will have something important to add to the conversation.

 Relationships with siblings may be somewhat cold and unemotional. There may be some childhood trauma contributing to the situation. One or more siblings may have chronic issues, whether those issues are related to health, money, or are psychological  in nature. Julian may need to maintain strong boundaries with his sibling(s) as a result of these issues.

 Travel-wise, his placement suggests that he may run into problems during short trips.

 3rd house ruler (Saturn) in 7th house:  Communication is very important to Julian’s signficant partnerships, both personal and business. He prefers partners who are his intellectual equals, partners with whom he can share information about his day-to-day life. He may like taking short trips, such as little romantic getaways over a weekend, with his partner.

 He may have some emotional baggage related to the issues he has in his relationship with his sibling(s) that causes recurring issues in his other partnerships. Conversely, his sibling(s) may be the reason he and his partner argue.

 4th house in Aquarius:   The 4th house rules the childhood home and hearth. It is also associated with the mother.

 Julian had a very progressive upbringing. His parents were probably not the traditional type; his mother, in particular, may have been an independent thinker who encouraged her children to be free thinkers. He was taught to be non-judgemental and openminded, encouraged to think for himsefl from a young age. He is fiercely independent and values personal freedom, and his home and family life must accommodate his need for independence.

 This placement indicates some kind of instability in the childhood home, such as sudden or frequent moves, or people coming in and out of the family and/or home. As a result, Julian learned that change was one of life’s constants, and is paradoxically quite comfortable when things get unpredictable. He is fiercely at home in the Crunch.

 4th house ruler (Uranus) in the 11th house:   Julian’s mother and his family traditions influences his attitude toward friendship. Friends become a sort of chosen family for him. He treats his family like friends and his friends like family.  He befriends people who are progressive, like his mother.

 This placement has creative connotations. His peers are his audience, his fans, and admirers, and  from a young age, Julian received emotional validation for his creative performances. In some ways, he truly needs an audience for his work, and he will frequently bounce ideas off his friends in a casual way to get the validation he needs.

 5th house in Pisces:   This placement indicates an affinity for music and musical talent. Grief, sadness, and loneliness are the major themes of his creative work; through music and other creative outlets, these uncomfortable feelings are processed and transformed into works of art.

 While Julian is generally a person who believes in the tangible, physical world due to the concentration of planets in Taurus in his chart, he is very sensitive to the Other Side. Because he is so rational, however, he is unable to process the information he receives from his subconscious. This causes him a certain amount of stress. With Pisces on the 5th, he is able to process this information via creative expression. This is an important outlet for him; if he does not have the chance to create for a while, he will experience moodiness and depression.

 5th house ruler (Neptune) in 1st house:  People notice Julian’s artistic talent right away! His music and other creative projects shape his public persona. This placement emphasizes the effects of Neptune in the 1st.

 Chiron in Aries, 5th house:   Chiron an asteroid which represents our deepest trauma. This trauma is not something that will heal. However, we can soothe the pain of our Chirotic wounds by helping others deal with traumas like ours.

 Chiron in Aries is essentially a wound of the ego. Julian does not have a very strong sense of who, or what, he is. He is not naturally confident and often plagued by crippling self-doubt and self-hatred. Since his Chiron is placed in the 5th house, he has difficulty trusting his creative instincts, and thinks a lot of his work is shit (which might explain why he’s said he cannot watch himself easily).

 Paradoxically, Julian has a gift for helping others make their creative dreams a reality. Since he has so much experience knowing what it is like to feel worthless and like everything you make is crap, he’s very good at building up other creative types. His Chiron quintiles his Jupiter and sextiles his Mars, which signifies that he may have a gift for mentoring other aspiring creatives, or could settle into a producer role later in his career. However, a tight sesquiquadrate (stressful angle) with his Midheaven (career) suggests that he may be a bit too proud to take a more behind-the-scenes role. He may be jealous when his collaborators and mentees achieve the career success that Julian feels he is owed. He must learn to be more gracious for the opportunities he has to work with others, and be thankful for the chance to work with other talented and successful people rather than wanting to hoard that success for himself.

 6th house in Aries:  Julian is a very busy man! He accomplishes a lot on a daily basis. He is not the type to be comfortable doing nothing, and he probably has several projects in the works at any given time. This is great placement for an executive or someone who works for themselves, as he has no trouble motivating himself to get work done. However, he may have difficulty learning to relax. He is something of a control freak when it comes to his work: he has trouble delegating and may take on more work than he can handle. It is important for him to learn what his limits are, to not take on too much responsibility on the job, and to trust his coworkers to do their part so he can relax.

 6th house ruler (Mars) in the 7th house:  Julian prefers to work with people with whom he already has a significant relationship. This placement is particularly good for someone who works with their spouse or significant other. He tends to date his coworkers, or create lasting business partnerships with them. He works hard on his relationships, sometimes to the point that his relationships feel like work.

 He may experience recurring arguments about daily routines with his partners, both personal and profession. This often manifest as domestic squabbles about household chores, nutrition, and  other routines, or, in his professional relationships, about work schedules and division of tasks.

 He would benefit from having pets in the home. His romantic partner, in particular, may love small animals and have lots of pets. Pets help him to relax, let go of his anger, and help calm him when he is upset. Julian has a particularly strong temper, and is prone to taking his frustrations out on the people closest to him. Pets can soothe him when he’s upset, and prevent him from lashing out at his loved ones.

 Saturn in Aries, 6th house:   Julian tends to dive head-first into problems, especially concerning work, without really taking the time to assess the situation or think about the consequences. Since Saturn symbolizes the father in the chart, Julian’s dad likely embodies Arien traits. His father was probably very principled and passionate about his beliefs. He did not back down in a fight, especially when he was fighting for what he believed to be right. Julian’s concept of masculinity is therefore informed by a man’s willingness to fight.

 This placement also suggests chronic health problems. Considering that he has Capricorn on the cusp of the 3rd, which rules the lungs, and Aries rules the head, these chronic health problems may be related to the nose, nasal passages and lungs. His smoking habit doesn’t help these predispositions, either.

 Venus in Taurus, 6th house:   Venus is the natural ruler of Taurus! This is a very positive placement for Venus, allowing Julian’s inner beauty, artistic ability, and charm to shine. He is attracted to people with a strong Venusian or Libra influence in their charts. (While I am not familiar enough with Julia Davis and her work to analyze her chart, I CAN say that Noel Fielding has a very strong Libra/Venus influence in his chart, which was definitely part of the reason that they had such strong chemistry in their double act.)

 Julian likes beautiful things and beautiful people. He is an avid appreciator of the arts, perhaps a collector. He likes to spend money on beautiful objects to decorate his house, and may be a bit materialistic. He is rather possessive of his loved ones, wanting them all to himself. At the same time, he spoils those close to him, with lots of gifts and affection. While he is not the most physically affectionate man, once he’s close with someone, he will shower them with hugs, kisses, and loving touch. His love languages are probably gifts and touch.

 When Venus is in the 6th house, little pleasures are a daily indulgence. Julian likely enjoys rich food, fine drink, and the finer things in life. He wants a partner with whom he can share both the finer things in life as well the day-to-day work and responsibilities, and would likely not be very happy with a long-distance relationship. He is generally well-liked by his coworkers, and may start romantic or business relationships with his coworkers.

 This placement is also very benefic for someone working in the arts. The arts are part of his daily habits and work routines. With this placement, work often feels like pleasure.

 Venus trine Jupiter 10th house:  This is a very benefic placement for someone working in the arts, and is especially associated with musical ability. Julian has an innate sense of pitch, tone, and rhythm, and likely has quite a wide vocal range. He is fair, adventurous, and popular with his peers.

 Venus biquintile Uranus, 11th house:   Julian’s creative expression is offbeat, surreal, and boundary-pushing. He is very creatively experimental, and while some of his projects may fail, when they work, they are straight-up genius. Again, his best, most innovative creative work is the result of collaboration with other unusual, even strange, people.

 This placement also suggests that Julian finds androgynous people attractive, as Uranus doesn’t give a fuck about gender norms. To him, weird is beautiful, whether in regards to people, art, etc.

 Venus opposition Neptune, 1st house:   In love, Julian has a hard time seeing his partner for who they truly are. He tends to project his      idea     of his partner onto said partner, rather than being able to see them clearly for who they really are. Loved ones and business partners may have hidden motives that leave Julian vulnerable to being manipulated. This is another placement that suggests that he may find himself involved with people who are psychic vampires and sap his energy and strength for their own purposes.

 Venus Opposition Ascendant:  In love, Julian is very self-sacrificing. He craves approval from his loved ones, especially in regards to his work. He prefers to spend one-on-one time with the important people in his life to hanging out in groups. For better or worse, his partnerships affect how others perceive him. The phrase “the company you keep” comes to mind here. He is sociable and popular, despite his best efforts to stay in the background.

 7th house (Descendant) in Taurus:   The 7th house is especially active in Julian’s chart. While the 7th house in general represents partnerships of all types, the Descendant, or 7th house cusp, relates to the partner specifically. Julian is attracted to people who embody Taurusian qualities. He likes beautiful people who appreciate beautiful things. He wants a romantic partner who is calm, stable, and nurturing, someone who embodies the Divine Feminine, regardless of their gender.

 Sun in Taurus, 7th house:   As a Taurus, Julian has a lot of physical strength. Taureans also tend to be large-framed and big-boned. He gains weight easily, partly because he enjoys fine food and drink. He appreciates beautiful people and beautiful things, and takes a lot of pride in his home. He is very nurturing, not just to his children, but his romantic partners and friends. Taurus is a fixed sign, and thus, Julian can be very stubborn. When he makes up his mind, his mind stays made.

 When the Sun, the planet of the Self, is located in the 7th house of relationships, it means that the native’s self-image is informed by his personal relationships. Julian may have a hard time maintaining his identity in his relationships. He is prone to codependency, and may feel incomplete without a romantic partner. Sometimes, natives with this placement can go so far in their need to please their partners that they effectively become someone else, changing themselves into the person they think their partner wants or needs them to be. He prefers dominant partners, and Julian is likely to be the more passive partner in his relationships, prioritizing his partner’s needs and feelings above his own.

 Professionally, Sun in the 7th house indicates healthy business relationships. He is much more successful in business when he’s working with someone, rather than on his own. He is fair and circumspect in his business dealings with others. If he experiences legal issues, he will more often than not come out on top.

 Interestingly, Julian’s sun is almost completely unaspected by other planets. He does have some wide aspects to Pluto, the Ascendant, and the Midheaven, but the orbs are so large that they are minimally influential. As such, Julian’s ego nature is does not really connect to the other parts of his personality. He does not have a strong sense of self and may feel out-of-step with the rest of the world, restless, always feeling like he does not belong even when he is surrounded by loved ones. His ego nature is very strong, and he needs a lot positive reinforcement from others.

 Mercury in Taurus, 7th house:   Mercury in Taurus natives learn by doing rather than through theories and theoretical discussions. Julian processes information best via his senses: sight, taste, touch, smell, hearing. That is not to say he lacks the capacity for abstract thought, but he learns best when he can personally interact with the material on a physical level. It may take him a while to learn new skills, but once he learns something, he will learn it thoroughly. He is slow-to-start new projects and perhaps prone to procrastination. Information is organized into categories of useful and not-useful, the not-useful discarded immediately. He can weigh the pros and cons of a situation easily with this approach, and once he makes up his mind about something, he sticks with his decisions.

 Julian’s speech is measured and precise. As Taurus is ruled by Venus, Mercury Taurus natives may have especially pleasant voices or a poetic style of speaking. However, he will not use an excess of words to say what he has to say, and this gives his speech a certain authoritative quality. He is a very excellent negotiator and can find common ground with people who have very different beliefs or ideas.

 Mercury in the 7th has an effect on Julian’s personal and professional partnerships. His partnerships are oriented towards sharing and discussing information. He is attracted to androgynous people (Mercury, like Uranus, is an androgynous planet), to people who are younger than he is or otherwise with a youthful spirit. Communication and intellectual compatibility is just as important to him as sexual chemistry.

 Many natives with this placement will have 2 marriages or significant partnerships in their lifetimes, or else find themselves in a situation where they have to choose between two partners. Rather than following his heart in the situation, Julian will use logic to decide which partner to choose.

 Mercury conjunct Mars, 7th house:  Julian has a lot of intellectual energy. He is curious and pursues knowledge simply for the sake of knowledge. He tends to get overly focused on the details, and can easily lose sight of the big picture. This aspect gives his speech a certain aggressive edge. This can cause arguments and aggressive communication in his personal relationships. It may also cause abrupt endings to his relationships or his professional contracts abruptly canceled.

 Mercury square Jupiter, 10th house:  Julian is very smart, so smart that he is somewhat intellectually lazy. Many natives with this placement fail to complete their higher education; they start strong but lose interest when it becomes clear that they will have to try at it. In addition, he has a gift for winning over his enemies.

 Mercury opposition Neptune, 1st house:   While this placement gives the native a very strong sense of imagination, they do not alway use said imagination in a positive way. When Neptune contacts planets with a harsh angle like a square, it obscures that planet’s energy and can bring out the shadow side of the planet.

 Julian has trouble telling the truth. While he may not lie outright, he tells a lot of half-truths and lies by omission. He does not lie to manipulate, but rather to hide. Lying is a way that Julian shapes his public persona in a way that will protect his inner self from being seen, not only by the public at large, but also his loved ones.

 Mercury trine Pluto, 11th house:   Julian has a deep and inquisitive intellect. He can concentrate deeply for a long period of time without being distracted by noise in the environment. He prefers having a few close friends to having many acquaintances.

 This placement emphasizes the authoritative nature of Julian’s speech. He has an affinity for dark humor, satire, and humor that comments on the darker side of human nature. He also has an innate understanding of the dark side of human nature, including astrology, horror, mysteries, and the occult.

 Mercury square Midheaven in Leo:   From a very young age, Julian fantasized about his career. He has a quick mind and many intellectual interests, and every tine he picked up another hobby, his career aspirations changed. This placement indicates that Julian will have many different careers in his life, but his most successful projects are the ones that he sticks with long-term.

 For better or worse, the way Julian communicates will influence his career and social standing. He must be careful not to last out verbally at others when his pride is injured, as this will negatively affect his reputation and his career opportunities.

 Mars in Taurus, 7th house:  Men with this placement have a very high sex drive and feel a lot of desire for their sexual partners. They can have incredible sexual stamina, and they’re not so anxious to get to the main act; they really love foreplay and all manner of sensual, not just sexual, pleasures. However, since Taurus is such a traditional sign, Julian may feel some degree of shame about his desires, especially the kinkier or more taboo ones. He respects his partner so much that he feels that sharing the darker side of pleasure could somehow “taint” them. Some men with this placement seek outside partners with whom they can explore the darker side of their sexuality.

 As Mars is the planet that rules our temper, this placement can indicate frequent arguments with significant partners, both personal and professional. Julian is not quick to anger, but when he does, he explodes with it, and he does not let go of his anger easily. He holds grudges, perhaps to the point of his own detriment. This very behavior likely affects Julian’s career prospects and cause him to lose some professional opportunities, either because of arguments with his higher-ups and collaborators, or else because he cannot forgive a potential business partner’s past transgressions

 Mars square Jupiter, 10th house:  This is another placement that indicates Julian’s temper and lack of forgiveness frequently gets in the way of his career. This placement gives Julian a lot of physical and emotional energy, and he requires a physical and/or creative outlet to avoid letting the energy explode and cause problems with his temper.

 Mars trine Uranus, 11th house:   Julian has a lot of energy and a strong drive to succeed, but it’s very inconsistent. After completing a project, he requires a lot of time to recharge. Collaboration and working with others will allow him to see projects through even when he becomes exhausted. This placement indicates a strong need for creative risk-taking. Julian must be willing to push boundaries and “get weird with it” in order to succeed. He likes working with other weirdos, and it’s easy for him to convince others to join him in his exploits.

 Since Mars rules sex drive, this placement suggests that Julian is very sexually experimental. He prefers partners who are similarly open-minded, and he may have open relationships in order to explore his sexuality to the fullest.

 Mars opposition Neptune, 1st house:  This placement indicates that Julian has a lot of creative energy. Unfortunately, this energy is hard for him to focus, and he may experience emotional frustration when his projects do not come to fruition. He has a lot of energy for starting new projects, but has difficulty completing them due to his insecurities about his creative abilities.

 He is wide open to the other side, but unable to consciously control this ability. Thus, he may find himself in the company of individuals who are psychic vampires, who feed on his talents and emotions, sapping him dry. He needs to maintain strong boundaries with the people who want too much from him. This placement also suggests that he may use drugs or sex in order to find out who he really is, which isn’t a good idea as he can easily become addicted.

 Mars trine Pluto, 10th house:   This placement emphasizes Julian’s intensity. He is incredibly strong-willed and determined to succeed, and has very strong ego. He does not give up on things easily, whether in regards to professional projects, personal relationships, or romance. Julian doesn’t want to just do something--he wants his work to change the world.

 8th house in Gemini:   The 8th house rules shared resources. Julian’s shared resources are communication related. This may indicate literal communication devices, but considering that his career is in media (aka communications), I believe that this placement manifests through the shows in which Julian has acted and/or produced. Writing, too, is a shared resource, and he does most of his writing with others rather than by himself. Other people share their resources to bring Julian’s writing to life.

 The 8th house also rules sexuality. Those with Gemini on the cusp of the 8th enjoy dirty talk and oral sex, and since Gemini rules the hands, they may have a bit of a hand kink and rather enjoy manual stimulation during sex. He is equally turned on by intellect as a he is by an attractive face or body. Julian dislikes monotony in sex, and he prefers a partner who is very sexually changeable--or enjoys having sex with multiple partners. It also seems worth mentioning that people with Gemini on the 8th house tend to be bisexual, and it’s not unusual for a Gemini 8th house native to be in love with two people at the same time.

 The 8th house rules death. This placement can indicate dying of issues related to the lungs, mouth, or arms.

 8th house ruler in the 7th house:   Julian is not one for casual sex. His sexual partners are viewed as potential long-term partners. He has a very intense attitude towards relationships and his need for intense emotional experiences will affect his intimate partnerships and his sex life for better or worse. This placement suggests that sexual problems may arise in a long-term relationship.

 9th house in Cancer:   The 9th house rules higher education, spirituality, and foreign travel. Although Julian’s mother may not have been the most traditional mother, his spiritual nature is directly influenced by his childhood upbringing and religious traditions. Julian studied American studies in university, and studying any kind of history is a very 9th house Cancer thing to do, as Cancer is very sentimental and attached to the past. When he travels, he prefers to visit places with historical significance such as battlefields and museums.

 The 9th house also represents young adulthood. Julian did not feel comfortable expressing his emotional nature until he became a young adult and was free to explore the world on his own terms. He prefers travelling and having spiritual experiences with his loved ones rather than alone. As a young adult, he craved ew experiences and new people and went out almost every night, and would feel restless being home on his own.

 9th house ruler in the 10th house:   The experiences that Julian had as a young adult finding his way in the world ultimately influenced his career and social standing. The people he met during those years became important to his career advancement. Advancing his career requires travelling away from home.

 Moon in Leo, 9th house:  For all he proclaims otherwise, Julian enjoys being at the center of attention. In addition he has a lot of emotional pride. He does not accept criticism very well, and may often retaliate when he feels he has been disrespected or not given the praise and adulation he craves.

 He is romantic and almost dramatic in love, making big gestures and giving extravagant gifts. He has passionate love affairs, full of drama, and he loves the idea of a Great Romance like in the movies. Comedy and laughter are just as important and love and drama in his relationships. However, when he breaks up with a partner, it can be explosive.

 Interestingly enough, Leo moon natives are not very forthcoming with their romantic feelings. They hold themselves back, making sure that the other person loves them enough before they confess their own feelings. Julian’s need to be loved may cause him to “perform” different feelings on the surface than he feels deep down inside. He is not lying about his feelings consciously--he has a very fragile ego, and does this to protect it.

 The moon also symbolizes the mother. Julian’s mother was likely the dominant parent when he was growing up. She was generous, well-liked, and was always willing to help someone out in a pinch, giving freely of her money, time, and other resources. She likely influenced his love of the arts. On the other hand, she demanded loyalty from her friends and loved ones. She may have been a bit overbearing and controlling.

 Moon Square Venus, 7th house:  Julian has trouble being emotionally open and honest in his significant relationships, especially in romantic relationships. Especially when he was young, he didn’t really know what he needed emotionally from a partner, and he may have gotten involved with people who were not good for him because he was unaware of his needs.

 While he desperately wants a deep and committed love relationship, commitment does not come easily to him. As soon as a partner indicates they want more from him, Julian may lash out and retreat to protect his independence. He is afraid of becoming emotionally dependent on another person, but at the same time, desperately craves deep emotional connections with others. This can cause emotional outbursts and other conflicts in his significant partnerships.

 Moon Sextile Mars, 6th house:   Julian has a lot of energy to get things done, but he needs inspiration to strike before he can use that energy constructively. Luckily, he receives inspiration from many sources, and he rarely experiences stagnation at work or regarding his creative projects.

 His feelings are somewhat volatile, and he is prone to outbursts of emotion. His feelings are immediate and all-consuming, though they may dissipate quite quickly. He is not shy about asking for what he needs from another person, but since he doesn’t always know what he needs, he may sulk or cause a scene to subconsciously get his loved ones to comfort him.

 Moon trine Chiron, 6th house:  Julian’s emotional health or lack thereof will affect his ability to succeed at work. He is emotionally in tune with his coworkers, and knows instinctively how to soothe them and give them what they need emotionally, building them up when they feel self-conscious or lack faith in their work. He is able to see beneath his coworkers’ surface emotions to identify their true feelings, and is always available to help a coworker in an emotional crisis.

 Moon square Ascendant in Scorpio:   Julian is bad at hiding his emotions, especially when his is angry or upset, others will notice. His emotional meltdowns may be quite public as a result. When he is upset, he will project his emotions as a way of keeping people from getting too close.

 10th house (Midheaven) in Leo:   The 10th house rules career and social standing. Leo on the 10th is an excellent placement for a performer! Leo here gives Julian a certain undeniable star quality. As much as he avoids the spotlight, he is not afraid of attention when he’s onstage performing for a crowd. Julian craves recognition for his work, as well as accolades and awards (compliments just aren’t enought). He is very conscious of his public image, and he wants people to perceive him as courageous, generous, and magnanimous.

 10th house ruler in the 7th house:   Julian’s career and social status are affected by his significant partnerships. His romantic partners affect his public reputation. His personal and professional partnerships determine the success of his career and his social status. His career affects the health of his personal relationships. He works on his marriage the same way he works on his career, and in his relationships, he has certain “milestones” and achievements that he believes must be met in order to make a relationship legitimate. He wants a romantic relationship that is acceptable to society and the public at large.

 Jupiter in Leo, 10th house:  This is an excellent placement for someone who makes money as public figure! Jupiter in Leo indicates that Julian will make good money and gain a lot of social status by being a public persona. His career must let him express his individuality and creative gifts in order for him to succeed professional, and he would be miserable in any job where he is expected to stifle his (very big) personality.

 Julian has a reputation for being magnanimous and generous. He is known for being spontaneous, creative, and playful--and not a little bit jealous. Other people know he needs compliments and approval, and they usually indulge him because they rather enjoy his theatrical personality.

 Jupiter trine Saturn, 7th house:  Julian takes fun and play very, very seriously. He is very successful at work, which confuses people sometimes, as it seems like he’s always fucking around. But the truth is Julian works very, very hard to achieve his goals with a mix of deliberate planning and irreverent play. He has a strong work ethic, and does not give up on his projects very easily. Working with his loved ones makes him even more driven to succeed.

 When out together in public with his significant partners, Julian comes off as the more serious one. However, the opposite is likely to be true: behind closed doors, Julian is goofy as all hell.

 Jupiter square Neptune, 1st house:   Julian has big dreams--some of his dreams may be so big as to be unrealistic, but he has difficulty differentiating between realistic and unrealistic dreams and goals. He may face frequent professional disappointments as a result.

 This is another placement that may indicate a tendency towards codependency in his  relationships. Julian allows his loved ones to lean on him and look to him for support, often to his own detriment. Rather than speaking up and expressing his needs, he will swallow his discomfort and allow the other person to continue taking from him until resentment sets in. He will repress these feelings until they explode in a very public manner.

 Jupiter conjunct Midheaven in Leo:  This is another placement emphasizing Julian’s ability to make his fortunes from performing as a public figure.

 Pluto 11th house:   Pluto is actually the dominant planet in Julian’s chart. This gives him an incredibly intensity and a strong sexual presence, which is part of his public persona.

 When Pluto is in the 10th house, it often signifies lifelong power struggles regarding his career. He may struggle for control against more powerful people. This can causes very public blowouts with the people who support his career. This placement also suggests having very powerful friends in high places. Julian’s powerful friends use their influence to elevate him, but they often are not doing this out of the goodness of their own hearts--they usually want something from Julian in return.

 Julian has a gift for directing people towards a shared goal and powerful public presence. His peers look up to him as an authority, and if he weren’t and actor/writer/musician/producer/whatever, he would make an excellent politician. He has a knack for navigating the dark underbelly of professional groups, knowing instinctively which strings to pull and which to pluck to get what he wants out from his superiors.

 Pluto is very sexual, and when placed in the 10th house, Pluto eroticizes his career. Julian may have difficulty differentiating between business partners and sex partners. He experiences sexual obsession and sexual jealousy of people who have authority over him. Sex may cause arguments and rifts in his professional life.

 11th house in Virgo:  The 11th house is the house of peers and social groups, and Virgo is the sign of selfless service. It is not an exaggeration to say that Julian will do almost anything to help his friends when they are in need, and he does not expect anything in return for his help. When one of his friends is ill, he may run errands for them, bringing them food, taking care of their health, and cleaning their homes.

 He makes friends with people who are intelligent and hard-working. He has a lot of professional goals, and he relies on his friends to help him achieve those goals. Many natives with this placement have strict health and fitness routines, but as Julian is by nature so pleasure-seeking, he relies on his friends to keep him on track with his health and fitness goals. His friends perceive him to be very organized, methodical, and meticulous

 11th house ruler (Mercury) in 7th house:  Friends become romantic or business partners; romantic and business partners become friends. Julian signs legal contracts with his friends and works towards shared goals with his peers. His approach to significant relationships is to treat them like friendships. It is important to him that his romantic and business partners accept his friends. He has a very progressive attitude towards marriage, and he wants a partner who shares his values and long-term hopes and dreams.

 Uranus 11th house:  Julian makes friends with people who are weird. He prefers the offbeat and the strange to the normal when making friends, and his friends must give him space to be his starnge self. His social groups are full of people who are surreal and eccentric. His peer groups will experience periodic sudden upheavals and changes. He may move from one group to another, leaving the old friend group behind, rather frequently.

 Uranus sextile Neptune, 1st house:  Julian’s weird friends inspire him creatively. His offbeat peers shape his public persona.

 Libra 12th house:   The 12th house is the house of hidden enemies, secret sorrows, and the unconscious. It is also associated with drugs and addictions.

 Libra on the 12th indicates that Julian has a difficult time with telling the truth, especially with regards to negotiations. He may be unfair and unjust in the way he judges other people, and can be his own worst enemy when it comes to negotiating contracts--he often has difficulty compromising and can make unreasonable demands of his business partners. While he has a certain amount of natural charm, it is difficult for him to express this. He has difficulty being tactful and diplomatic, as his communication style is rather overbearing, which breaks down negotiations.

 This placement suggests that a person with a strong Libra placement will be a hidden enemy to Julian (it seems worth mentioning that Noel Fielding has a strong Libra influence in his chart). There is a lack of balance in his relationship with this Libra person, and this lack of balance may cause a broken contract or other type of broken commitment. The breakdown of this relationship.

 Libra 12th house suggests that Julian performs music in solitude, and music is one of the ways he expresses his secret sorrows. Clandestine, secret relationships are possible.

 12th house ruler in 7th house:   Julian’s significant partnerships, especially romantic partnerships, are affected by his inability to be honest. He holds his partners, both personal and professional, to unreasonable standards. He can be his own worst enemy when he attempts to resolve arguments or other issues with his partner, his behavior sabotaging his attempts to reach a compromise. Hidden enemies become open enemies. He may do an excessive amount of caretaking for a partner who is ill, addicted, or otherwise unable to care for themselves. He experiences sorrow through his relationships with others.

[voidcrow]

Before Venturing Forth (Rev. 2)

(( This is a tweaked version of a prologue I wrote for a roleplayed run of Baldur's Gate a while back. I wrote it before I actually knew what was going on in the story and upon coming back to this, I felt it needed some corrections. I'm nothing if not a stickler for consistency. ))

Candlekeep. 1358 DR.

In all of Faerun, there was no grander a library than this. Some say that there are also none where the visitors' need for a peaceful study environment are given more respect. As such, the only real noise here at the moment were the echoes of a solitary monk chanting prophecies.

Laciel found the chants calming. To have heard them for nearly the whole of her ten years of life so far meant that they were familiar-- a part of home-- and helped to dismiss the devious impulses so she could focus on her studies. She loved this place dearly, but could not help fantasizing about it burning to the ground at times.

Currently laid upon the lectern before the elven child was a spell scroll, and beside it a second roll of parchment onto which she was beginning to transcribe the runic array on the former.

Noticing a subtle shadow creep over her work, Laciel turned around to find someone standing over her shoulder-- a red-headed human girl, right around her own age. Warm sentiment washed over Laciel as she noticed this person, having regarded her for years as a surrogate sister.

"Imoen?" The elf had questioning eyes. "I thought Winthrop had you on dusting duty at the inn."

"And now I'm finished." Imoen nodded. "Yep. Old Puffguts is gonna be able to see his reflection in those shelves."

A deadpan expression came to Laciel's eyes as she looked at the human. Slowly, a silent grin spreads across Imoen's face before she stuck her tongue out at Laciel, prompting a chuckle from the latter. "You really stink at lying," said the elf.

"Says you. So what'cha doing with your free time?"

Laciel turned back to the lecturn, smiling. "Yesterday, I finally did it. I memorized a spell. Cast correctly, it'll create a dazzling illusion. Now I'm seeing if I can memorize a sec--"

"Neeerrrd!"

Laciel pouted.

"It's so nice outside today, Laci." Imoen put her hands behind her. "We could be out in the gardens instead of in here with these dusty ol' books."

"What if I like the books? What if Daddy catches me goofing off instead of doing something productive?"

Imoen placed a hand on Laciel's shoulder and shook it. "Come onnn~. I don't want to pace around out there by myself."

The elf huffed with bemusement. "Then just go back to dusting the inn's furniture, like you were told."

"Hey, I know!" Imoen's mousey voice squeaked as she raised it; in her excitement, she wasn't wholly mindful of being in a library. "Why don't you try casting that spell you memorized while we're out there? If Gorion sees you doing -that-, he won't be mad. He'll be impressed!"

"I am not impressed with her progress," Gorion wearily rasped.

The aging human, clad in gray robes, was addressing someone that seemed an even older man than he. "Laciel is eager to learn the ways," continued the sage, "but her mind races back and forth. There are some lectures where I doubt she is paying any attention."

The man Gorion was addressing looked at him from the shadow cast by the brim of his red hat. "Thy foster child is exactly that-- a child," said he, while grasping his upright staff with both hands. "Did the discipline of the arcane come so easily to thee, before thou came of age?"

"No, but if the news you came to deliver me is accurate, Laciel will not have the luxury of time as I did." Gorion's expression was grim. "Are you certain of it, Elminster?"

Elminster Aumar gave a simple nod. "I am, friend. He hath perished."

"Then Alaundo's prediction about the legacy he left behind is certain to become a reality."

A child's voice could just barely be heard shouting "Daddy!"

Elminster continued addressing Gorion: "Until that day, do not let thyself be ruled by paranoia. Relish the peace thou and Laciel haveth here whilst it lasts, and leave thy worries for the future to me."

Gorion's brow lowered. "I would rather this not be your burden to bear."

"Daddy, look at me~!" echoed the young girl's voice.

"Thou art short on years left on this mortal plane; live them in peace, and keep in touch with thy Harper contacts." Elminster gave a smile of reassurance. "I shall watch the Sword Coast for signs as I travel. If I suspect the fated hour has arrived, no later shall I inform thee."

The girl's voice was next heard alongside the hum of mystical energy. "Veritas..."

Finally, the two elders turned to look at the source of the voice, finding the two children about twenty yards off. Gorion was the first to react, asking: "What are you doing out here?"

Laciel's hands were glowing, her lips curled into a grin. "Credo..."

Gorion looked surprised. "Are you--?!"

"Oculos!" Runes appeared in front of the young elf, but quickly became twisted and jumbled, and the energy of her spell dove into the grassy ground.

Things were mostly quiet after that. At least until that patch of grass split open, and a skeleton-- held together by sinews and bearing glowing yellow orbs in the sockets of its skull-- pushed itself up from it.

"That's not dazzing!" exclaimed a panicking Imoen.

With a twisted cackle, the skeleton began to chase the two girls across the courtyard. Immy screamed in fear, but Laciel seemed to laugh with a strange glee as she fled for dear life.

Gorion drew a wand from his belt and shot a single magic missile from it, casually destroying the undead creature. As Laciel and Imoen stopped to catch their breath, the sage approached his surrogate daughter, and crossed his arms once he was standing over her. "I wish you would have waited to cast your first spell until tomorrow's lesson."

Finally appearing sheepish, the elf avoided eye contact with Gorion. "I was trying to do an illusion. Honest."

"Indeed. I could tell by your incantation."

Laciel looked up to the sage and lofted one of her eyebrows. "So what even happened just now?"

"Do you remember when I taught you about wild surges?"

Laciel let a silence go by as she pondered. "Oh, yeah." After another pause, she got another puzzled look. "How could one or two mistakes in the spellform make it go from conjuring harmless sparkles to animating the dead?

Gorion let his arms down. "Quite easily, as a matter of fact. Now, hopefully, you better understand the importance of absolute precision."

"Yeah, kind of," pouted an ashamed Laciel. But when her eyes wandered to the scattered bones that remained of her accidental summon, her embarrassment quickly gave way to a chipper smile as she asked "Can I keep the skull?"

"Wh--? Nu--!" Gorion stammered, "Why?"

"As a memento of my first summoning."

"Your first wild surge, you mean. What would you want to keep as a 'memento' had you unleashed a poison cloud, or... or caused a cow to fall and crush Imoen from above?"

"Well, obviously I'd want the cow's skull."

Gorion sighed.

[thomcoldman-blog]

Review: Iconoclasts

Iconoclasts, like the subject of a Junji Ito-esque horror, feels like it was made for me, in especially devilish and unsettling ways. It combines a lot of the elements of the classics I adore into one big ambitious, clever, gorgeous mess of a game; the item-meets-environment puzzle-solving of The Legend of Zelda, the looping, layered level designs of Metroid, the smooth traversal you'd expect from games like Mega Man X. It's a game with its eyes to the giants of the action-platformer genre, most nakedly influenced by Metal Slug and Monster World IV, but the truth is I can see so much of a million other games I love in Iconoclasts, it's almost like developer Joakim “konjak” Sandberg has been peering inside my head for ideas of where to take the game next. But you needn't have me tell you that – on the surface, from its Metroid-esque map screen, the enormous SNK-style bullet sprays and the SEGA green hills and blue skies, Iconoclasts indeed looks like a pretender to the throne, another indie retro game tribute-cum-rehash to the heyday of This Sort Of Game. Fortunately, despite first impressions, Iconoclasts has its own tune to sing.

Breaking from tradition should be paramount for any game named after “iconoclasm”, the practice of essentially rebelling against the status-quo. Iconoclasts goes one further, and becomes more of a rumination on the costs and challenges of tearing down the old and the daunting task of facing what may replace it. The story takes this theme and runs with it, depicting a world overseen by a fascistic militia known as the One Concern. This force believe everyone need have their place in the world (naturally, not a place of their own choosing), and will rain down “Penance” upon the homes of anyone who steps out of line. Despite their ranks consisting mostly of visor-clad grunts in grey, they never quite feel like a generic group of baddies, as their grip of terror comes with a religious undertone, spooking the citizens into paranoia of violent reprisal at the hands of the divine being the One Concern follow. As Robin, the daughter of a deceased mechanic now illegally fixing all manner of problems in the settlements, you attract no small amount of disdain from the citizens, who'd much rather you packed in the unlawful assistance and settled down. Naturally, this doesn't quite happen, and Robin soon finds herself becoming a one-woman resistance against the Concern, aided by a handful of similarly aggrieved allies along the way.

Iconoclasts' storytelling feels distinct and notable for a number of reasons, but first and foremost it's surprising the lengths that Konjak has gone to to develop a layered narrative in a genre where traditionally no-one bothers. The game is still driven largely by its tight platforming and satisfying puzzle-based progression, so with those successfully built you could forgive the plot for being fairly obvious girl-defeats-big-dragon fare. But here, Iconoclasts' feels eager to be seen as newer, fresher and more relevant. The characters aren't happy-go-lucky, but often filled with grief, terror and rage, and it all acts as a compelling motivator beyond filling out the map screen or crafting another upgrade. Having large boss battles with their impressive levels of animation and challenge accompanied by a sense that the characters have been through a great amount to reach the confrontation makes Iconoclasts feel more mature than its inspirations, even as you're throwing down with a giant cat or caterpillar.

The writing is sharp and sweet, not lingering on any point for too long so you're back into the action in due time, whilst never feeling perfunctory enough to make you want to hit Skip anyway. It feels tight; a feeling that permeates through most of the game. It never goes overboard with the number of characters you meet or are expected to remember, and uses them sensibly. The leading villains of the One Concern are the highlight, appearing throughout the entire game more-or-less as recurring showdowns, a constant thorn in Robin's side (and vice versa), and a font of expression for the game's themes of idealogical decadence and implosion. Much as the One Concern bleed the planet dry of its most essential materials, Iconoclasts bleeds its characters dry for drama and intrigue, giving each character exactly enough screentime to make a strong, lasting impression.

“Making the most of what you have” is a running theme in this game, reflected not just in its use of character but also location and mechanics. Robin is equipped with a stun gun and a wrench, and for a lot of the game, that's more or less it. She eventually gets a bomb launcher, and a third weapon type I won't spoil, but that's her lot. Iconoclasts isn't interested in giving you a huge arsenal, because you don't need it. Instead, the weapons serve primarily as solutions for the game's puzzles, and in combination with a couple of wrench upgrades giving Robin electrical properties, Konjak gets a LOT of mileage out of these tools. Robin's wrench lets her tighten bolts to activate level elements, as well as swing off mid-air bolts to reach higher ground or clear chasms. This movement feels exquisite, with your momentum coming off the bolt never in question, and it combines with a auto-targeting 4-way directional aim on the stun gun for quick, speedy combat scenarios. Puzzles often involve shooting the bombs through tight gaps to create an opening, using electricity to activate switches, moving level elements around via tightening bolts – how to interact with the pieces of a room is rarely in question, but the number of combinations of bomb-powered platforms, mid-air bolts, electrical switches, tight platforming and certain enemies feels limitless thanks to Konjak's incredibly inventive level design.

When you're not using the few tools at your disposal to blast through puzzles, there are plenty of enemies to take down instead. Standard cannon-fodder is found in a lot of rooms, but the game offers a tricky parry move and a mid-air stomp for defeating a variety of enemies that can't all be K.O.'d with a volley of stun-gun blasts. Keeping on brand, it never goes overboard with the number of enemy types, but Iconoclasts is smart enough to make sure each of the 7-or-so areas of the game has their own distinct fauna, such as skull bats in the dank flooded caves or bizarre bipedal cacti in the desert, each with some killer animation tooled for high readability and expressiveness. The bosses are by far the peak of the game's gorgeous sprite-art; screen-filling titans lumbering toward you with equally screen-filling attacks, and lithe assassins striking fast and hard as they leap between the sides of the screen. One highlight is an enormous caterpillar train operating in a circular forest area, chasing you down as you use your wrench to zip along magnetic rails; another, a flaming-hot femme fatale who rains hot death from the sky as you attempt to knock her into electrified railings. Each boss tests your reactions and pattern-reading skills in diverse ways, often offering allies to further differentiate encounters with their own special means of assistance. They're all instantly memorable, from the initial giant mech showdown to a frankly ridiculous ultimate confrontation that might leave you equally perplexed and enthralled.

Iconoclasts mixes up its combat and movement with its “tweak” mechanic, giving the player three perks to use in their journey. These can include defensive measures, speeding up weapon cooldowns and even making new moves available, like a handy dodge roll. Unfortunately, taking damage causes these abilities to become disabled, only becoming active once more by grabbing “ivory” dropped by enemies or from smashed or fixed objects. Iconoclasts' difficulty level isn't punishingly hard, but it's challenging enough where you'll take your fair share of scrapes, and losing useful skills such as speed boosts or attack boosts due to mistakes can be irritating. This mixed together with the fact tweaks must first be crafted using secret collectibles – and can only be crafted once their blueprints have been obtained – makes the tweak system feel more frustrating and underutilised than it could have been. Acquiring tweaks has enough barriers to entry that removing the ivory requirement wouldn't be overly generous – as it is, it never feels enough of a boon to making secret hunting anything more than its own reward.

That concern aside, Iconoclasts is an impeccable result of its 7-year development history. The story of Iconoclasts argues simply in favour of doing the right thing – not settling for quiet subjugation, not rioting against the status quo just because, but simply identifying something broken, and getting to work fixing it. In looking at the classics of video game yesteryear, Konjak clearly didn't see much broken, but what there was, the game makes a valiant effort at fixing. A tight compelling story, a rejection of empowerment-based progression in favour of a puzzle- and boss- design focus, impeccable movement with smart quality-of-life choices and a look bursting with colour, detail, blood, sweat, tears and love – in sticking to doing a few things really, really well in surprising new ways, Iconoclasts is the most successfully ambitious action-platformer I've played in years, and a game I've been wanting for a long long time.

Score: 5/5

[jonathanalumbaugh]

Weekly Digest

Dec 23, 2017, 4th issue.

A roundup of stuff I consumed this week. Published weekly. All reading is excerpted from the main article unless otherwise noted.

Read

When women are discussed on the main economics discussion forum, the conversation moves from the professional to the personal...

Even with generous subsidies, low-income people are still unlikely to buy health insurance...

Managers are biased negatively against minority workers, and this, in turn, makes the minority workers perform worse...

Living standards may be growing faster than GDP growth...

The World Bank’s $1-a-day poverty line inadequately deals with local context, and a better measure can be derived through more complicated math...

Decriminalizing sex work makes it safer and more common...

Poor kids who grow up in rich neighborhoods do a lot better than poor kids who grow up in poor ones...

Better trained doctors mean fewer opioid related deaths...

After a bad outcome, female surgeon’s referrals went down much more than male surgeons...

The average worker does not value an Uber-like ability to set their own schedule...

Foreign finance has led to more inequality...

Preschool programs targeted at the poor don’t work nearly as well as universal pre-school programs...

Shocks to the economy in certain sectors can have larger effects on the entire economy than previously thought...

— 13 economists on the research that shaped our world in 2017

Comments section: Pilote345 - NO WONDER: Recently, the pilots' pay was less than it was in the 1980's. They might be trying to improve, but for example, I just now found Allegiant Air found pays MD-80 1st Officers $34,440.00, not much more than the $15/hour crowd wants for starting burger flippers.

— Airlines battle growing pilot shortage that could reach crisis levels in a few years

— APOLLO 10 0N BOARD V0ICE TRANSCRIPTION

Under Schmidt’s leadership, Google notched its fair share of not-quite-not-evil missteps. After getting everyone hooked on Gmail and Search, the company started to erode some of its original privacy promises.

— Be Kind of Evil

“People want to cast it as a choice between policy or technology as a solution but those should exist hand-in-hand. We would have never gotten renewable energy prices where they are today without really ambitious public policy. It shows the importance of bold goals,” Brown says.

— California Poised To Hit 50% Renewable Target A Full Decade Ahead Of Schedule

“Keep your phone away from your body,” the state health department writes. “Although the science is still evolving, some laboratory experiments and human health studies have suggested the possibility” that typical long-term cell phone use could be linked to “brain cancer and tumors of the acoustic nerve,” “lower sperm counts,” and “effects on learning and memory.”

— California says the only safe way to talk on your cell phone is to text

Developer infatuation with Chrome is not good — because competition between browsers is good.

— Chrome is Not the Standard

The initial physical deployment of 5G networks alone could pack a major economic punch. A 2017 Accenture report forecasts the cellular communications industry will invest $275 billion in new networks, which will create up to 3 million jobs and add some $500 billion to the United States’ gross domestic product. Longer term, researchers expect the new 5G networks to help stimulate productivity growth to rates not seen since the 1950s.

— The Coming 5G Revolution

In early tests, the company claims the feature helped to reduce ghosting behavior on its service by 25 percent.

— Dating app Hinge rolls out a new feature to reduce ‘ghosting’

Liberated from the diamond and pointing calmly eastward, perhaps a designer’s pure intent is revealed—direction for an otherwise aimless walk in the woods.

— Decoding the Mysterious Markers on the Appalachian Trail

Trade the ginkgo biloba for a bag of spinach during your next stop at the store: Leafy greens may be your best resource for boosting memory... The study involved 960 people, all between 58 and 99 and without dementia. Everyone enrolled in the study was part of the Memory and Aging Project, which has been ongoing since 1979 at the Knight Alzheimer's Disease Research Center at Washington University.

— EATING SALAD EVERY DAY KEEPS BRAINS 11 YEARS YOUNGER AND PREVENTS DEMENTIA, STUDY SHOWS

— Edward Snowden on Twitter

Commander Persera swam out into intergalactic space last week, she says in a forum post, piloting a ship called the Jack of Flames. The reason for the trip is simply to go further from Sol than anyone else (a previous record was set by one Commander Deluvian, who travelled 65,652 lightyears from Sol along a similar route). But also, she says, to bring a canister of mugs from the infamous Hutton Orbital space station into the void and leave them there. Just because.

— Elite Dangerous pilots are scrambling to rescue an explorer stranded in the void between galaxies

[Eminem says] that he's not making his music for other artists who aren't fans to begin with.

— Eminem Responds to Vince Staples’ Criticism of Him

Reports so far claim the spec will offer support for low, mid, and high-band spectrum from below 1 GHz (like 600 and 700 MHz) all the way up to around 50 GHz while including the 3.5 GHz band. It’s been said that the first 5G networks for consumers will begin rolling out in 2019 and this will continue throughout 2020.

— First 5G Specification has been Declared Complete by the 3GPP

As Brian and his wife wandered off toward the No. 2 train afterward, it crossed my mind that he was the kind of guy who might have ended up a groomsman at my wedding if we had met in college. That was four years ago. We’ve seen each other four times since. We are “friends,” but not quite friends. We keep trying to get over the hump, but life gets in the way.

— Friends of a Certain Age

Comment section: Blaming Amazon for this is wrong. The people make a choice to work for them. This is an indictment on our society that forces these people to have to work. Amazon isn’t a charity that should have to take care of people. But it’s all of us who are to blame.

— A Glimpse Inside CamperForce, Amazon's Disposable Retiree Laborers

Effective filmmakers, no matter their genre or taste, put their fingers in the air, feel for a current, and then make art that either complements or pushes against it. They distill the world they live in, which is why there’s no such thing as an apolitical film.

— How Big Screen Sci-Fi and Horror Captured 2016’s Political Paranoia

The Legislative Analyst’s Office predicts California will eventually make more than $1 billion annually from taxing recreational marijuana.

— HOW RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA IN CALIFORNIA LEFT CHEMISTS IN THE DARK

What makes for an effective office environment? Random encounters with your coworkers. And food. Lots and lots of food.

— How to Build a Collaborative Office Space Like Pixar and Google

Fidelity suggests having your yearly income saved at 30, three times your income at 40, seven times your income at 55, and 10 times your income at 67.

— How Much Should You Have Saved at Every Age?

HCI (human-computer interaction) is the study of how people interact with computers and to what extent computers are or are not developed for successful interaction with human beings.

— Human-computer interaction, from University of Birmingham

The company says it is now focused on “on developing and investing in globally scalable blockchain technology solutions,” but, as reported by Bloomberg, it has exactly zero partnerships in the works with crypto firms

— Iced Tea Maker's Stock Price Triples After Adding 'Blockchain' to Name”

9 “Should you invite someone who assaulted you to your wedding.” No.

— It Came From The Search Terms: “I Can See The Sun In Late December”

The best way to cook a steak is medium rare. Plenty of people will disagree with this statement, for different reasons.

— Medium Rare: The Best Way to Cook a Steak

It sounds like it was made by an algorithm. It checks off so many boxes it could land in anyone’s “Because you watched” recommendations.

— Netflix’s first big movie “Bright” feels like a blockbuster built by an algorithm

State law that is rarely invoked requires tied elections to be settled by “lot.”

— Oyster shucking? A duel? No, Virginia will pull a name from a film canister to settle tied election

— Parents give teacher wine with son's face on label

— Reggie Watts: Fuck Shit Stack

— Reggie Watts: Humor in music

Self-efficacy is defined as a personal judgement of "how well one can execute courses of action required to deal with prospective situations".

— Self-efficacy (Wikipedia)

The problem Haven aims to address is known as an “evil maid” attack. Basically, many of the precautions you might take to protect your cybersecurity can go out the window if someone gains physical access to your device.

— Snowden's New App Turns Your Spare Android Phone into a Pocket-Sized Security System

After doing a lot of online research and making a terrible mess, I thought I could make a tutorial for humble people like me. If I can do it, you can do it too.

— The Ultimate Guide to DIY Screw Post Book Binding

The robot obediently appeared in the distance, floating next to Miller. Miller then walked into the same space as the robot and promptly disappeared. Well, mostly disappeared, I could still see his legs jutting out from the bottom of the robot. My first reaction was, “Of course that’s what happens.” But then I realized I was seeing a fictional thing created by Magic Leap technology completely obscure a real-world human being. My eyes were seeing two things existing in the same place and had decided that the creation, not the engineer, was the real thing and simply ignored Miller, at least that’s how Abovitz later explained it to me.

— We Need to Talk About Magic Leap's Freaking Goggles

What’s this mistake so many make? It’s using your current job title as your headline.

— What Your LinkedIn Headline Reveals About Your Self-Confidence At Work

With the Dec. 14 repeal, Comcast and others will be able to charge content companies exorbitant fees without, technically, blocking. This fundamentally changes how the internet works, argues Ryan Singel, a fellow at the Center for Internet and Society at Stanford Law School.

— What will happen now that net neutrality is gone? We asked the experts

The story [Cat Person] stuck with me because I, too, have felt like the story’s main character, Margot. I have belittled myself to make a man in a vulnerable situation feel more comfortable. I have allowed myself to spend time with boys who I did not like that much but who I felt I owed my time to because they really liked me. And I have also taken part in the practice of ghosting- ignoring somebody who is texting me, instead of outright rejecting them. With time, I have gotten much better at being straightforward when someone is interested in me and the feeling is not reciprocated, but I still do the dance many women do: We exert energy into finding the most polite, passive way to get ourselves out of uncomfortable situations with men.

— Why Women Are Ghosting You

[zuziasuchor]

Daniel Richter in interview with Marc-Christoph Wagner

Painting as a social thing isn't romantic, it’s a lonely obsession."  

Hamburg punk scene where he produced record covers, band posters and political flyers

"i wanted to bring as much information into a painting as possible, which was, on a very simple level,  way of coping with reality." about his earlier work made in post-world war II Germany and marked by the 1990s: the end of the Cold War, changing global relationships and the birth of the internet"

 Working through the insecurity, fear and paranoia of being in the world  

  The key is to avoid distance and make painting human: "The moment you take something that has a human effect on you, something you can't describe, the whole thing transforms from a topic to something that is about yourself."

Irreverent and energetic approach  

 29, he had "basically nothing, it wasn't a big drama and I didn't experience it like that"

had no money, had no education or high school degree ("which limits your moves inside society quite strongly") and no driver’s license. But he had an interest in art, even though he didn't know what art was.  

 When he began there was the unification of Germany which he was not so fond of, and he saw the "wind of change blowing in the wrong direction" which he had to adjust to and the pragmatical criticism of capitalism  

Was aware of the works by Albert Ellen, Martin Kippenberger, and Verner Buettner, "who were the few artists we could understand, because it was a mix of using language, images relating to society that you could relate to but also not really put your finger on, because it was on a level radical that didn't relate   to any social scene- at least that I knew of."

"In Hamburg where I was raised, more or less, I knew that these people existed and there was always a flux between people that were theoretic, generalists, artists and musicians, so at some point I thought 'okay I'm 29 I need to do something'  

 State support was another reason, "democracy pays you to learn something that may be no value for democracy because it's art" but he saw it as an opportunity and tried it  

 Started studying when he was 30, took it quite seriously. Decided to paint because "it was the easiest thing to do, you just need a brain and a hand, some paper and brush"... "(painting) has a heavy weight on the shoulders because everyone knows painting, its been around its been defined as the bourgeois art or the art form of our society for ages... So, it’s kind of a challenge."

 Doesn't believe that paintings are influenced by one's mood, and thinks it doesn't really matter how you feel about it  

 Doesn't think the mood is very interesting, it’s just about you making decisions and problem solving within the painting  

 "style and method are like brother and sister, but style is dangerous because it was once a method and turned into a bad habit."

"there's this factor that art has to be relevant and that painting has to also criticise itself. I think there is always an aim to use painting as something that is not an esoteric debate but something that is extremely influenced by reality. In the 90s I had to cope with two problems: I had to cope with the history of let's say abstract painting, and I was interested in the radicalism of abstraction as a historical thing- it got blame and established as a kind of esoteric wall decoration, but there's a certain promise in non-representation, there was a freedom that I was interested in." the other thing he had to cope with was the turbulence marked by the Cold War ending, and the changing of classical boundaries and class conflict. And also, the "bullshit" theory of the end of history being defined by capitalism which is now everywhere

Capitalism being in conflict with oligarchic, traditional or religious structures that may be influenced by it, but also transform into something that is anti-western  

 Internet and digital internet, abundance of information was another thing richter was trying to incorporate into his paintings, which he says on a simple level was a way of coping with realities, and went against the traditions that he knew  

"i had the desire to paint things that related to what I saw in the world"... "in terms of my own insecurity, paranoia"  

  Never wanted to use painting as education "preaching to the converted, but the moment you take something that has a human effect on you and you don't know how to describe it, the whole thing transforms into something that is not only about the topic but also about you."

 "most people that know everything are idiots"

 Has a distrust to authority  

 “you cannot imagine a German David Bowie”

“life isn’t just about reproduction and buying cars”

Love this interview and hate the dude that interviewed him; asks very average and slightly anticipated questions. I think Richter aims for a socially engaged practice, I feel as though he is going out of his way to distance himself from any form of education or lecturing through painting; he is trying to create a bridge between the everyday and the arts. He doesn’t aim for a utopian depiction through painting, but neither is he focusing on only negative environment, I think he’s just documenting his own perception and coping with the changing environment (that of the unification of Germany, Cold War, post world war 2, rise of the internet and overwhelming abundance of information). He’s a very interesting guy, and not what I expected him to be. Very self-aware and honest- not at all pretentious or egoistic.  

[istjproblems]

Hey I'm in between ISTJ and INTJ right now, could you say what convinced you you were definitely not an INTJ?

the fact that if everyone who actually knew me well IRL knew as much about MBTI as I did, they would all say I was an ISTJ

people who knew me in childhood would tell you that I was almost always in my own world (which was, honestly, the biggest thing that kept me thinking I was an intuitive for so long), but they would also tell you I had an unusually strong memory, wanted things to be the same exact way every time, very rarely stepped out of line unless you made me change direction or upset my sense of how things are supposed to be, paid attention to details, acted mature relatively soon, ate like four things and KNEW if someone had put some unwelcome ingredient in the cookies, described things with unexpected but understandable comparisons, was constantly working on drawing realistic art, when I got into something I was in it for the long haul, and sometimes when I got creative in a new way it was just absolutely weird.

people who know me now describe me as down to earth and consistent, among other non-typology related things, and some people have told me that I’m good at relating things to stories of times they had completely forgotten about.

sometimes, a lot of times, people are wrong about you. but if a majority of people who actually like you would give overwhelming evidence against your self perception, the evidence is at least worth considering.

addressing stereotypes with the fact that Si is subjective

this seems obvious, but if you actually think about it, it flies in the face of a lot of people’s perceptions of SJs. the stereotypical SJ is probably a middle class white dude who grew up in the American midwest or south, consumed all the same media as his peers, went to college for a practical major just like his parents, and landed an office job that he never had a compelling reason to leave. obviously no one actually believes that’s what all SJs are like, but we still have to be careful not to hear about how statistically normal they are and associate them with our cultural perception of normal. all you have to do is imagine our aforementioned stereotypical SJ being raised by musicians in Portland and you’ve got a completely different person. change enough variables and you could easily come up with ways for this person to feel distant from their own cultural norms. 

I may be off here, but I tend to think of type as a template for your personality, not actually your personality itself. you fill it in with your values, interests, experiences, etc., and you’ll keep doing that your whole life. 

mbti-notes has some really detailed descriptions of the functions, and they describe Si by what it does with the values and goals you already have, not as being the goal setter. 

the things that were or were not relatable about INTJ descriptions

a huge portion of well written INTJ content is relatable… with the exception of gut feelings and sensory overload

it’s not that I don’t ever get “gut feelings,” it’s just that I can probably count the times I’ve had them on one hand. but even then, once it comes I will immediately start backing it up with evidence. like, of course this career path feels right, look how many ways it lines up with my skill set. and then that arsenal of evidence propels me to follow it, keeps me going when I lose inspiration, and creates the greatest source of confusion when things don’t work out. can I be single minded? absolutely. but I create that singlemindedness from real life sources.

same goes for sensory overload in situations that aren’t inherently unpleasant - it happens, but very rarely, and there’s usually something else going on (EDIT: when I wrote this I was specifically thinking of the fact that I don’t mind environments like concerts and busy cities where there’s a lot going on all around. Turns out my relationship was sensory overload is a little more complicated than that, but the point is, I couldn’t relate to intuitive doms who felt out of their element just because of the *amount* of sensory information to take in).

accepting other characteristics about myself that would be more understandable if I were an ISxJ

you know what does happen though? novelty overload.

a few years ago I ended up doing a lot of traveling. all of us who went were in agreement that we would do as many things as we could that were unique to the places we were visiting, and it was a great experience. but after weeks of exploring different streets with different people every week, pointing at pictures on menus to order, and not solidifying plans until the morning of, every recognizable thing you let yourself have - a starbucks, an album in your earbuds you’ve played 74 times, a store you have at your local mall - starts to feel like taking your shoes off after a 12 hour workday (even if it still feels a bit like you’re cheating in the game). new experiences are beautiful and important, but the constant mental background noise of “I don’t know what I’m doing” was tremendously exhausting for me in a way that I don’t think it was for the people I went with. we all had our things we had to work through, and that happened to be mine.

back to when I was figuring out my type - in addition to novelty overload, there were plenty of other Si/Ne seeming things I had to explain, such as:

 - really low patience for people who read too much into things

 - a near paranoia when I’m in a public place about doing things the way they are normally done, not being in places where I feel like I shouldn’t be, etc.

 - thinking of acquiring new sensory skills as being an extremely personal process (like instruments, sports, etc.)

 - reacting to traumatic events by expecting them to repeat themselves any minute

I don’t know if all ISxJs have those issues specifically but I knew I was reaching hard to call them Ni things.

considering other options for interpreting my internal monologues

debating current issues to try and explain why things are the way they are? all based on observation and a desire to have my observations not conflict with each other - trying to resolve cognitive dissonance is just human. drawing connections between the music I listen to and other things? music is sensory, I was literally entertaining myself with a reference system, next question. the mental block against coming up with specific examples? nah, dude, there are always examples, I just don’t often think they’re good enough.

being open to the possibility of being a different type, and ultimately embracing it

once I finally decided that I was open to changing my self typing, it became very easy to see my “new” type as a strength worth taking pride in, as cheesy as that sounds. it explained everything that I didn’t even realize I was working to explain away. everything I did, every thought I had over the next week or so, seemed to be another demonstration that I should have figured this out a long time ago, and I was honestly enjoying every minute of it.

.

anyway, I don’t know you, so I can’t possibly make that judgment for you. IxTJs can look very similar, although you wouldn’t know it from the way they’re caricatured. just because ISTJs are more common doesn’t mean you are one, but even if you were one it wouldn’t make your complete personality common. I would recommend finding good sources - mbti-notes has a ton of masterposts, otterdot is posting adaptations of source material, there’s a lot of stuff even on tumblr. thanks for the ask, and good luck!

[benjaminikuta]

Sexual Paranoia Strikes Academe

Sexual Paranoia Strikes Academe Matt Roth for The Chronicle Review By Laura Kipnis FEBRUARY 27, 2015

You have to feel a little sorry these days for professors married to their former students. They used to be respectable citizens—leaders in their fields, department chairs, maybe even a dean or two—and now they’re abusers of power avant la lettre. I suspect you can barely throw a stone on most campuses around the country without hitting a few of these neo-miscreants. Who knows what coercions they deployed back in the day to corral those students into submission; at least that’s the fear evinced by today’s new campus dating policies. And think how their kids must feel! A friend of mine is the offspring of such a coupling—does she look at her father a little differently now, I wonder. It’s been barely a year since the Great Prohibition took effect in my own workplace. Before that, students and professors could date whomever we wanted; the next day we were off-limits to one another—verboten, traife, dangerous (and perhaps, therefore, all the more alluring). My Title IX InquisitionWhat’s the good of having a freedom you’re afraid to use? Of course, the residues of the wild old days are everywhere. On my campus, several such "mixed" couples leap to mind, including female professors wed to former students. Not to mention the legions who’ve dated a graduate student or two in their day—plenty of female professors in that category, too—in fact, I’m one of them. Don’t ask for details. It’s one of those things it now behooves one to be reticent about, lest you be branded a predator. Forgive my slightly mocking tone. I suppose I’m out of step with the new realities because I came of age in a different time, and under a different version of feminism, minus the layers of prohibition and sexual terror surrounding the unequal-power dilemmas of today. The fiction of the all-powerful professor that’s embedded in the new campus codes appalls me. When I was in college, hooking up with professors was more or less part of the curriculum. Admittedly, I went to an art school, and mine was the lucky generation that came of age in that too-brief interregnum after the sexual revolution and before AIDS turned sex into a crime scene replete with perpetrators and victims—back when sex, even when not so great or when people got their feelings hurt, fell under the category of life experience. It’s not that I didn’t make my share of mistakes, or act stupidly and inchoately, but it was embarrassing, not traumatizing. As Jane Gallop recalls in Feminist Accused of Sexual Harassment (1997), her own generational cri de coeur, sleeping with professors made her feel cocky, not taken advantage of. She admits to seducing more than one of them as a grad student—she wanted to see them naked, she says, as like other men. Lots of smart, ambitious women were doing the same thing, according to her, because it was a way to experience your own power. But somehow power seemed a lot less powerful back then. The gulf between students and faculty wasn’t a shark-filled moat; a misstep wasn’t fatal. We partied together, drank and got high together, slept together. The teachers may have been older and more accomplished, but you didn’t feel they could take advantage of you because of it. How would they? Which isn’t to say that teacher-student relations were guaranteed to turn out well, but then what percentage of romances do? No doubt there were jealousies, sometimes things didn’t go the way you wanted—which was probably good training for the rest of life. It was also an excellent education in not taking power too seriously, and I suspect the less seriously you take it, the more strategies you have for contending with it. It’s the fiction of the all-powerful professor embedded in the new campus codes that appalls me. And the kowtowing to the fiction—kowtowing wrapped in a vaguely feminist air of rectitude. If this is feminism, it’s feminism hijacked by melodrama. The melodramatic imagination’s obsession with helpless victims and powerful predators is what’s shaping the conversation of the moment, to the detriment of those whose interests are supposedly being protected, namely students. The result? Students’ sense of vulnerability is skyrocketing. I’ve done what I can to adapt myself to the new paradigm. Around a decade ago, as colleges began instituting new "offensive environment" guidelines, I appointed myself the task of actually reading my university’s sexual-harassment handbook, which I’d thus far avoided doing. I was pleased to learn that our guidelines were less prohibitive than those of the more draconian new codes. You were permitted to date students; you just weren’t supposed to harass them into it. I could live with that. However, we were warned in two separate places that inappropriate humor violates university policy. I’d always thought inappropriateness was pretty much the definition of humor—I believe Freud would agree. Why all this delicacy? Students were being encouraged to regard themselves as such exquisitely sensitive creatures that an errant classroom remark could impede their education, as such hothouse flowers that an unfunny joke was likely to create lasting trauma. Knowing my own propensity for unfunny jokes, and given that telling one could now land you, the unfunny prof, on the carpet or even the national news, I decided to put my name down for one of the voluntary harassment workshops on my campus, hoping that my good citizenship might be noticed and applauded by the relevant university powers. At the appointed hour, things kicked off with a "sexual-harassment pretest." This was administered by an earnest mid-50s psychologist I’ll call David, and an earnest young woman with a master’s in social work I’ll call Beth. The pretest consisted of a long list of true-false questions such as: "If I make sexual comments to someone and that person doesn’t ask me to stop, then I guess that my behavior is probably welcome." Despite the painful dumbness of these questions and the fading of afternoon into evening, a roomful of people with advanced degrees seemed grimly determined to shut up and play along, probably aided by a collective wish to be sprung by cocktail hour. That is, until we were handed a printed list of "guidelines." No. 1 on the list was: "Do not make unwanted sexual advances." Someone demanded querulously from the back, "But how do you know they’re unwanted until you try?" (OK, it was me.) David seemed oddly flustered by the question and began frantically jangling the change in his pants pocket. "Do you really want me to answer that?" he finally responded, trying to make a joke out of it. I did want him to answer, because it’s something I’d been wondering—how are you supposed to know in advance? Do people wear their desires emblazoned on their foreheads?—but I didn’t want to be seen by my colleagues as a troublemaker. There was an awkward pause while David stared me down. Another person piped up helpfully, "What about smoldering glances?" Everyone laughed, but David’s coin-jangling was becoming more pronounced. A theater professor spoke up, guiltily admitting to having complimented a student on her hairstyle that very afternoon (one of the "Do Nots" involved not commenting on students’ appearance) but, as a gay male, wondered whether not to have complimented her would have been grounds for offense. He mimicked the female student, tossing her mane around in a "Notice my hair" manner, and people began shouting suggestions about other dumb pretest scenarios for him to perform, like sexual-harassment charades. Rebellion was in the air. The man sitting next to me, an ethnographer who studied street gangs, whispered, "They’ve lost control of the room." David was jangling his change so frantically that it was hard to keep your eyes off his groin. I recalled a long-forgotten pop-psychology guide to body language that identified change-jangling as an unconscious masturbation substitute. If the leader of our sexual-harassment workshop was engaging in public masturbatory-like behavior, seizing his private pleasure in the midst of the very institutional mechanism designed to clamp such delinquent urges, what hope for the rest of us? Let’s face it: Other people’s sexuality is often just weird and creepy. Sex is leaky and anxiety-ridden; intelligent people can be oblivious about it. Of course the gulf between desire and knowledge has long been a tragicomic staple. Consider some notable treatments of the student-professor hookup theme—J.M. Coetzee’s Disgrace; Francine Prose’s Blue Angel; Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections—in which learning has an inverse relation to self-knowledge, professors are emblems of sexual stupidity, and such disasters ensue that it’s hard not to read them as cautionary tales about the disastrous effects of intellect on practical intelligence. The implementers of the new campus codes seemed awfully optimistic about rectifying the condition, I thought to myself. The optimism continues, outpaced only by all the new prohibitions and behavior codes required to sustain it. According to the latest version of our campus policy, "differences in institutional power and the inherent risk of coercion are so great" between teachers and students that no romance, dating, or sexual relationships will be permitted, even between students and professors from different departments. (Relations between graduate students and professors aren’t outright banned, but are "problematic" and must be reported if you’re in the same department.) Yale and other places had already instituted similar policies; Harvard jumped on board last month, though it’s a sign of the incoherence surrounding these issues that the second sentence of The New York Times story on Harvard reads: "The move comes as the Obama administration investigates the handling of accusations of sexual assault at dozens of colleges, including Harvard." As everyone knows, the accusations in the news have been about students assaulting other students, not students dating professors. The climate of sanctimony about student vulnerability has grown impenetrable. No one dares question it lest you’re labeled antifeminist, or worse, a sex criminal. Of course, the codes themselves also shape the narratives and emotional climate of professor-student interactions. An undergraduate sued my own university, alleging that a philosophy professor had engaged in "unwelcome and inappropriate sexual advances" and that the university punished him insufficiently for it. The details that emerged in news reports and legal papers were murky and contested, and the suit was eventually thrown out of court. In brief: The two had gone to an art exhibit together—an outing initiated by the student—and then to some other exhibits and bars. She says he bought her alcohol and forced her to drink, so much that by the end of the evening she was going in and out of consciousness. He says she drank of her own volition. (She was under legal drinking age; he says he thought she was 22.) She says he made various sexual insinuations, and that she wanted him to drive her home (they’d driven in his car); he says she insisted on sleeping over at his place. She says she woke up in his bed with his arms around her, and that he groped her. He denies making advances and says she made advances, which he deflected. He says they slept on top of the covers, clothed. Neither says they had sex. He says she sent friendly texts in the days after and wanted to meet. She says she attempted suicide two days later, now has PTSD, and has had to take medical leave. The aftermath has been a score of back-and-forth lawsuits. After trying to get a financial settlement from the professor, the student filed a Title IX suit against the university: She wants her tuition reimbursed, compensation for emotional distress, and other damages. Because the professor wasn’t terminated, when she runs into him it triggers her PTSD, she says. (The university claims that it appropriately sanctioned the professor, denying him a raise and a named chair.) She’s also suing the professor for gender violence. He sued the university for gender discrimination (he says he wasn’t allowed to present evidence disproving the student’s allegations)—this suit was thrown out; so was the student's lawsuit against the university. The professor sued for defamation various colleagues, administrators, and a former grad student whom, according to his complaint, he had previously dated; a judge dismissed those suits this month. He sued local media outlets for using the word "rape" as a synonym for sexual assault—a complaint thrown out by a different judge who said rape was an accurate enough summary of the charges, even though the assault was confined to fondling, which the professor denies occurred. (This professor isn’t someone I know or have met, by the way.) What a mess. And what a slippery slope, from alleged fondler to rapist. But here’s the real problem with these charges: This is melodrama. I’m quite sure that professors can be sleazebags. I’m less sure that any professor can force an unwilling student to drink, especially to the point of passing out. With what power? What sorts of repercussions can there possibly be if the student refuses? Indeed, these are precisely the sorts of situations already covered by existing sexual-harassment codes, so if students think that professors have such unlimited powers that they can compel someone to drink or retaliate if she doesn’t, then these students have been very badly educated about the nature and limits of institutional power. In fact, it’s just as likely that a student can derail a professor’s career these days as the other way around, which is pretty much what happened in the case of the accused philosophy professor. To a cultural critic, the representation of emotion in all these documents plays to the gallery. The student charges that she "suffered and will continue to suffer humiliation, mental and emotional anguish, anxiety, and distress." As I read through the complaint, it struck me that the lawsuit and our new consensual-relations code share a common set of tropes, and a certain narrative inevitability. In both, students and professors are stock characters in a predetermined story. According to the code, students are putty in the hands of all-powerful professors. According to the lawsuit, the student was virtually a rag doll, taken advantage of by a skillful predator who scripted a drunken evening of galleries and bars, all for the opportunity of some groping. Everywhere on campuses today you find scholars whose work elaborates sophisticated models of power and agency. It would be hard to overstate the influence, across disciplines, of Michel Foucault, whose signature idea was that power has no permanent address or valence. Yet our workplaces themselves are promulgating the crudest version of top-down power imaginable, recasting the professoriate as Snidely Whiplashes twirling our mustaches and students as helpless damsels tied to railroad tracks. Students lack volition and independent desires of their own; professors are would-be coercers with dastardly plans to corrupt the innocent. Even the language these policies come packaged in seems designed for maximum stupefaction, with students eager to add their voices to the din. Shortly after the new policy went into effect on my campus, we all received a long email from the Title IX Coordinating Committee. This was in the midst of student protests about the continued employment of the accused philosophy professor: 100 or so students, mouths taped shut (by themselves), had marched on the dean’s office (a planned sit-in of the professor’s class went awry when he pre-emptively canceled it). The committee was responding to a student-government petition demanding that "survivors" be informed about the outcomes of sexual-harassment investigations. The petition also demanded that the new policies be amended to include possible termination of faculty members who violate its provisions. There was more, but my eye was struck by the word "survivor," which was repeated several times. Wouldn’t the proper term be "accuser"? How can someone be referred to as a survivor before a finding on the accusation—assuming we don’t want to predetermine the guilt of the accused, that is. At the risk of sounding like some bow-tied neocon columnist, this is also a horrifying perversion of the language by people who should know better. Are you seriously telling me, I wanted to ask the Title IX Committee, that the same term now encompasses both someone allegedly groped by a professor and my great-aunt, who lived through the Nazi death camps? I emailed an inquiry to this effect to the university’s general counsel, one of the email’s signatories, but got no reply. For the record, I strongly believe that bona fide harassers should be chemically castrated, stripped of their property, and hung up by their thumbs in the nearest public square. Let no one think I’m soft on harassment. But I also believe that the myths and fantasies about power perpetuated in these new codes are leaving our students disabled when it comes to the ordinary interpersonal tangles and erotic confusions that pretty much everyone has to deal with at some point in life, because that’s simply part of the human condition. In the post-Title IX landscape, sexual panic rules. Slippery slopes abound. Gropers become rapists and accusers become survivors, opening the door for another panicky conflation: teacher-student sex and incest. Recall that it was incest victims who earlier popularized the use of the term "survivor," previously reserved for those who’d survived the Holocaust. The migration of the term itself is telling, exposing the core anxiety about teacher-student romances: that there’s a whiff of perversity about such couples, notwithstanding all the venerable married ones. These are anxious times for officialdom, and students, too, are increasingly afflicted with the condition—after all, anxiety is contagious. Around the time the "survivor" email arrived, something happened that I’d never experienced in many decades of teaching, which was that two students—one male, one female—in two classes informed me, separately, that they were unable to watch assigned films because they "triggered" something for them. I was baffled by the congruence until the following week, when the Times ran a story titled "Trauma Warnings Move From the Internet to the Ivory Tower," and the word "trigger" was suddenly all over the news. I didn’t press the two students on the nature of these triggers. I knew them both pretty well from previous classes, and they’d always seemed well-adjusted enough, so I couldn’t help wondering. One of the films dealt with fascism and bigotry: The triggeree was a minority student, though not the minority targeted in the film. Still, I could see what might be upsetting. In the other case, the connection between the student and the film was obscure: no overlapping identity categories, and though there was some sexual content in the film, it wasn’t particularly explicit. We exchanged emails about whether she should sit out the discussion, too; I proposed that she attend and leave if it got uncomfortable. I was trying to be empathetic, though I was also convinced that I was impeding her education rather than contributing to it. I teach in a film program. We’re supposed to be instilling critical skills in our students (at least that’s how I see it), even those who aspire to churn out formulaic dreck for Hollywood. Which is how I framed it to my student: If she hoped for a career in the industry, getting more critical distance on material she found upsetting would seem advisable, given the nature of even mainstream media. I had an image of her in a meeting with a bunch of execs, telling them that she couldn’t watch one of the company’s films because it was a trigger for her. She agreed this could be a problem, and sat in on the discussion with no discernable ill effects. But what do we expect will become of students, successfully cocooned from uncomfortable feelings, once they leave the sanctuary of academe for the boorish badlands of real life? What becomes of students so committed to their own vulnerability, conditioned to imagine they have no agency, and protected from unequal power arrangements in romantic life? I can’t help asking, because there’s a distressing little fact about the discomfort of vulnerability, which is that it’s pretty much a daily experience in the world, and every sentient being has to learn how to somehow negotiate the consequences and fallout, or go through life flummoxed at every turn. Here’s a story that brought the point home for me. I was talking to a woman who’d just published her first book. She was around 30, a friend of a friend. The book had started at a major trade press, then ended up published by a different press, and I was curious why. She alluded to problems with her first editor. I pressed for details, and out they came in a rush. Her editor had developed a sort of obsession with her, constantly calling, taking her out for fancy meals, and eventually confessing his love. Meanwhile, he wasn’t reading the chapters she gave him; in fact, he was doing barely any work on the manuscript at all. She wasn’t really into him, though she admitted that if she’d been more attracted to him, it might have been another story. But for him, it was escalating. He wanted to leave his wife for her! There were kids, too, a bunch of them. Still no feedback on the chapters. Meanwhile he was Skyping her in his underwear from hotel rooms and complaining about his marriage, and she was letting it go on because she felt that her fate was in his hands. Nothing really happened between them—well, maybe a bit of fumbling, but she kept him at a distance. The thing was that she didn’t want to rebuff him too bluntly because she was worried about the fate of her book—worried he’d reject the manuscript, she’d have to pay back the advance, and she’d never get it published anywhere else. I’d actually once met this guy—he’d edited a friend’s book (badly). He was sort of a nebbish, hard to see as threatening. "Did you talk to your agent?" I asked the woman. I was playing the situation out in my mind, wondering what I’d do. No, she hadn’t talked to her agent, for various reasons, including fears that she’d led the would-be paramour on and that her book wasn’t any good. Suddenly the editor left for a job at another press, and the publisher called the contract, demanding a final manuscript, which was overdue and nowhere near finished. In despair, the author finally confessed the situation to our mutual friend, another writer, who employed the backbone-stiffening phrase "sexual harassment" and insisted that the woman get her agent involved. Which she did, and the agent negotiated an exit deal with the publisher by explaining what had taken place. The author was let out of the contract and got to take the book to another press. What struck me most, hearing the story, was how incapacitated this woman had felt, despite her advanced degree and accomplishments. The reason, I think, was that she imagined she was the only vulnerable one in the situation. But look at the editor: He was married, with a midlevel job in the scandal-averse world of corporate publishing. It simply wasn’t the case that he had all the power in the situation or nothing to lose. He may have been an occluded jerk, but he was also a fairly human-sized one. So that’s an example of a real-world situation, postgraduation. Somehow I don’t see the publishing industry instituting codes banning unhappily married editors from going goopy over authors, though even with such a ban, will any set of regulations ever prevent affective misunderstandings and erotic crossed signals, compounded by power differentials, compounded further by subjective levels of vulnerability? The question, then, is what kind of education prepares people to deal with the inevitably messy gray areas of life? Personally I’d start by promoting a less vulnerable sense of self than the one our new campus codes are peddling. Maybe I see it this way because I wasn’t educated to think that holders of institutional power were quite so fearsome, nor did the institutions themselves seem so mighty. Of course, they didn’t aspire to reach quite as deeply into our lives back then. What no one’s much saying about the efflorescence of these new policies is the degree to which they expand the power of the institutions themselves. As for those of us employed by them, what power we have is fairly contingent, especially lately. Get real: What’s more powerful—a professor who crosses the line, or the shaming capabilities of social media? For myself, I don’t much want to date students these days, but it’s not like I don’t understand the appeal. Recently I was at a book party, and a much younger man, an assistant professor, started a conversation. He reminded me that we’d met a decade or so ago, when he was a grad student—we’d been at some sort of event and sat next to each other. He said he thought we’d been flirting. In fact, he was sure we’d been flirting. I searched my memory. He wasn’t in it, though I didn’t doubt his recollection; I’ve been known to flirt. He couldn’t believe I didn’t remember him. I apologized. He pretended to be miffed. I pretended to be regretful. I asked him about his work. He told me about it, in a charming way. Wait a second, I thought, was he flirting with me now? As an aging biological female, and all too aware of what that means in our culture, I was skeptical. On the heels of doubt came a surge of joy: "Still got it," crowed some perverse inner imp in silent congratulation, jackbooting the reality principle into assent. My psyche broke out the champagne, and all of us were in a far better mood for the rest of the evening. Intergenerational desire has always been a dilemma as well as an occasion for mutual fascination. Whether or not it’s a brilliant move, plenty of professors I know, male and female, have hooked up with students, though informal evidence suggests that female professors do it less, and rarely with undergraduates. (The gender asymmetries here would require a dozen more articles to explicate.) Some of these professors act well, some are jerks, and it would benefit students to learn the identifying marks of the latter breed early on, because postcollegiate life is full of them. I propose a round of mandatory workshops on this useful topic for all students, beginning immediately. But here’s another way to look at it: the longue durée. Societies keep reformulating the kinds of cautionary stories they tell about intergenerational erotics and the catastrophes that result, starting with Oedipus. The details vary; so do the kinds of catastrophes prophesied—once it was plagues and crop failure, these days it’s psychological trauma. Even over the past half-century, the story keeps getting reconfigured. In the preceding era, the Freudian version reigned: Children universally desire their parents, such desires meet up with social prohibitions—the incest taboo—and become repressed. Neurosis ensues. These days the desire persists, but what’s shifted is the direction of the arrows. Now it’s parents—or their surrogates, teachers—who do all the desiring; children are conveniently returned to innocence. So long to childhood sexuality, the most irksome part of the Freudian story. So too with the new campus dating codes, which also excise student desire from the story, extending the presumption of the innocent child well into his or her collegiate career. Except that students aren’t children. Among the problems with treating students like children is that they become increasingly childlike in response. The New York Times Magazine recently reported on the tangled story of a 21-year-old former Stanford undergraduate suing a 29-year-old tech entrepreneur she’d dated for a year. He’d been a mentor in a business class she was enrolled in, though they’d met long before. They traveled together and spent time with each other’s families. Marriage was discussed. After they broke up, she charged that their consensual relationship had actually been psychological kidnapping, and that she’d been raped every time they’d had sex. She seems to regard herself as a helpless child in a woman’s body. She demanded that Stanford investigate and is bringing a civil suit against the guy—this despite the fact that her own mother had introduced the couple, approved the relationship every step of the way, and been in more or less constant contact with the suitor. No doubt some 21-year-olds are fragile and emotionally immature (helicopter parenting probably plays a role), but is this now to be our normative conception of personhood? A 21-year-old incapable of consent? A certain brand of radical feminist—the late Andrea Dworkin, for one—held that women’s consent was meaningless in the context of patriarchy, but Dworkin was generally considered an extremist. She’d have been gratified to hear that her convictions had finally gone mainstream, not merely driving campus policy but also shaping the basic social narratives of love and romance in our time. It used to be said of many enclaves in academe that they were old-boys clubs and testosterone-fueled, no doubt still true of certain disciplines. Thanks to institutional feminism’s successes, some tides have turned, meaning that menopausal women now occupy more positions of administrative power, edging out at least some of the old boys and bringing a different hormonal style—a more delibidinalized one, perhaps—to bear on policy decisions. And so the pendulum swings, overshooting the middle ground by a hundred miles or so. The feminism I identified with as a student stressed independence and resilience. In the intervening years, the climate of sanctimony about student vulnerability has grown too thick to penetrate; no one dares question it lest you’re labeled antifeminist. Or worse, a sex criminal. I asked someone on our Faculty Senate if there’d been any pushback when the administration presented the new consensual-relations policy (though by then it was a fait accompli—the senate’s role was "advisory"). "I don’t quite know how to characterize the willingness of my supposed feminist colleagues to hand over the rights of faculty—women as well as men—to administrators and attorneys in the name of protection from unwanted sexual advances," he said. "I suppose the word would be ‘zeal.’" His own view was that the existing sexual-harassment policy already protected students from coercion and a hostile environment; the new rules infantilized students and presumed the guilt of professors. When I asked if I could quote him, he begged for anonymity, fearing vilification from his colleagues. These are things you’re not supposed to say on campuses now. But let’s be frank. To begin with, if colleges and universities around the country were in any way serious about policies to prevent sexual assaults, the path is obvious: Don’t ban teacher-student romance, ban fraternities. And if we want to limit the potential for sexual favoritism—another rationale often proffered for the new policies—then let’s include the institutionalized sexual favoritism of spousal hiring, with trailing spouses getting ranks and perks based on whom they’re sleeping with rather than CVs alone, and brought in at salaries often dwarfing those of senior and more accomplished colleagues who didn’t have the foresight to couple more advantageously. Lastly: The new codes sweeping American campuses aren’t just a striking abridgment of everyone’s freedom, they’re also intellectually embarrassing. Sexual paranoia reigns; students are trauma cases waiting to happen. If you wanted to produce a pacified, cowering citizenry, this would be the method. And in that sense, we’re all the victims. Laura Kipnis is a professor in the department of radio, television, and film at Northwestern University and the author, most recently, of Men: Notes From an Ongoing Investigation (Metropolitan Books). Correction (3/3/2015, 2:40 p.m.): This article originally stated that several lawsuits brought by a student at Northwestern University had been thrown out of court. Only one such suit was thrown out. The article has been updated to reflect this correction. Clarification (3/30/2015, 10:45 a.m.): This article originally stated that a philosophy professor at Northwestern University sued, among others, a former graduate student of his whom he had previously dated. It would be more accurate to say that he had dated her according to his complaint. The article has been updated to reflect this clarification.