#it's sad to say it's not surprising they're exploiting her but also

[lesbianneopolitan]

I wish I could get drunk with my gf, but not only are the timezones homophobic but also, labor is evil and she's being overworked at her job today

[jicklet]

Random things from rewatching Leverage: Redemption ep 1.01!

In the sequence at the beginning, they mostly show flashes of things we see later, but there's also this bit of Harry going ballistic on his own car, presumably after finding what happened to Cole:

It doesn't show up when he's recounting his story to the others later, can't imagine why he wouldn't have wanted to share this with them.

I gotta respect that with the big question going into the new series being "How are they going to handle the lack of Nate?" they just, immediately out the gate, bam: Yep, he's dead. And more than that, we're not shying away from addressing it.

Sophie's little amused look at Parker's Parker-ing. She has missed them.

Sophie asking Hardison starts off so tired and almost obligatory, but when he starts explaining all he's been doing, she lightens up, she's proud of him🥹

Hardison and Parker finally directly address how Sophie's been dodging their calls and they've been worried. And when Parker tries to rope Eliot in, Sophie goes from doing her fake little half-smiles to making eye contact and glaring at Eliot in a "drop it." kind of way. Because if anyone here might actually understand, it would be Eliot.

speaking of: the way Eliot. won't. stop watching. Sophie. to gauge if she's okay.

these aren't even all of them. anyways.

Enter Harry!

I kind of wish we hadn't got the opening flash-forward to give us a clue that there's something going on with this guy,* because in any other episode, he would just seem like the mark's second-in-command, with Sophie poking at him to see what kind of opening they might be able to exploit.

First, she tests out commiserating: "Hey your boss seems to be an asshole, huh?" and when Harry spouts the party line, her smile drops for a second, before she nods in a sort of smug way like she knows just who this guy is, and pokes him about his integrity instead.

Meanwhile, Harry is way too distracted by his upcoming foray into YouTube heisting to turn around and talk to her properly--until she hits him in the guilt, he gets snippy about it and walks off.

And now Sophie might know which painting she wants.

I love that it's not just being a thief for her own sake that makes Sophie start to feel alive again, it's spotting the possibility of a more Leverage-type con that does it.

So Sophie follows Harry to the painting and starts looking around--until she notices he's doing the same thing, with way less subtlety.

and at first she looks almost offended that this guy has the audacity to have more going on than she thought?? and then she slowly starts to look impressed. alright then, guy.

Later, Hardison will say Sophie lit up here, and.. yeah! it's really sweet seeing her actually get excited for the first time after being so sad.

Parker: yep someone's about to try to steal that Rembrandt

Sophie: nono you don't understand, that random normal guy sleazy lawyer is about to try to steal that Rembrandt???

hey look, these two are about to drop one of the running themes of the series:

neither of them really knows how to answer that right now! but they'll spend the next few years helping each other figure that out.

I love this next line:

because... yeah, how many people trusted Harry because he looked like this sweet genuine guy, and got screwed because of it?

lmao I can't believe they pull a Beantown Bailout on Sophie:

Oh Nate Sophie, if only there was an oh-so-clever someone who could make us a brilliant plan~!

Eyyy start the count!:

this shot is so funny. right in front of the mark, you two?

anyways i got interrupted at this point so, uh. 👋 bye for now!

* I do understand why they start the episode the way they do, kicking off a supposedly fun heist series on "sad widow" isn't the best way to hook people, particularly if they're hoping for new viewers. And almost nobody was going to actually be surprised by Noah Wyle being important, especially if you'd seen any of the marketing. Still, interesting to think about the effect of if they'd held Harry back longer.

[sludgekludge]

What's your thoughts on Octavia?

she sure does exist

ok real talk, she's inoffensive, but not really a character archetype i care for, the moody goth teenager. i don't hate her though and her situation strikes a chord. brandon (i believe? correct me if im wrong) calling her a cockblocking bitch or whatever was like. kind of insane and offputting. she's in a really sad situation with a shitty dad but the narrative is so determined to defend stolas over everything and now she's in the wrong for being upset over it? gonna use this to jump off and ramble about stolas abandoning his daughter at every turn because i don't really have much to say about via on her own and i've wanted to complain about this like, forever

like 'stolas is a good dad!' when he:

actively has an open affair in front of her that seems to have kickstarted constant fighting between her parents. stolas does not seem to comfort or communicate with octavia over this whatsoever until she literally runs off crying over it in loo-loo land. even then, he's still fixated on specifically blitz protecting him. go look after your fucking daughter instead of whining about the bodyguard you don't need, dude.

tangentially, invites his affair partner (a stranger that is playing a part in actively disrupting octavia's life and relationship with her father) to what is meant to be a daddy-daughter day (ignores the fact she's not having a good time and then acts surprised when she tells him such) and flirts with him sexually in front of his (underage) daughter. seems to ignore octavia's worsening mood in favour of blitz until the aforementioned tears. has little to say for himself when confronted but assures her he won't abandon her. lol. lmao, even.

promptly forgets about something important to her and abandons her to once again in a foreign place to have sexual banter with his affair partner. is an all-powerful demon who could've pulled blitz away from funny sitcom shenanigans at any point to go look for octavia, but has to be reminded by blitz (sexily, for some reason) that they should go look for their daughters after the sitcom shit is cut short by accident. maybe via can't exactly be killed or hurt but literally anything else could've happened to her while she, a presumably quite sheltered teenager, was running around the human world for the first time by herself. she has to get a pep talk from a stranger (the daughter of her fathers affair partner, by the way) about how her dad might be a fuckup but totally loves her, despite having just spent the last afternoon fawning over blitz instead of worrying about octavia. this stranger is also the only adult bothering to look for her in any capacity. octavia would have spent the entire afternoon lost and alone if it weren't for loona being the only one to give a shit.

'what about my daughter', noticeably just kind of goes home with blitz after everything in mastermind and makes no effort to even call or text her. 'erm he was probably traumatised and exhausted-' literally everyone was just under the impression blitz was going to die. i'm sure they're all traumatised and exhausted. stolas lost his powers and his stupid ass house for a little bit, not even forever, over an affair he actively exploited a power dynamic to consciously have, not caring about how it effected his daughter, or the potential future consequences thereof. hitting the impeccable 'i wont abandon you my daughter who i definitely care about' then instantly forgetting she exists 2 seconds later because he of a hole he dug for himself. the point is he once again prioritises blitz over via. was it that easy to forget about her?

tangentially, if you want to believe that stella is an abusive mother (we haven't seen it in the show but i wouldn't be surprised if they wanted you to perceive it that way) then stolas is doing all of this while allowing stella to have octavia. alone, might i add.

via is objectively right to worry stolas is going to abandon her for blitz because he Does. she doesn't appeal to me as a character persay but her situation is miserable enough that i can't bring myself to really dislike her

[allaboutjcb]

It seems like Jamie doesn't learn. He's spoken about being in therapy and working on himself during his Q&As, then continues with the same cycle of behavior in every "relationship." I wasn't ever aware of any of his past relationship drama until following this page, and holy shit.... that's all I can say. It's definitely his addictive personality taking the wheel.

It doesn't surprise me why he's chosen Elena. Regardless of if she's actually naive or not, she appears that way. To someone going through a midlife crisis, that's enticing. She's easy to manipulate, mold, whatever. And he's drawn to her youth. It allows him to sort of relive his own youth, it's exciting, and it's an escape. This may not be true, and my guess is we don't and won't know for sure, but she comes off as someone who doesn't have a lot of dating experience. If it's true, she may not know what she wants or what to look out for.

HOWEVER!!! On the other hand, Jamie may be the one who's easy to manipulate as well. He does like attention and would be drawn to a young, beautiful, privileged model type that is giving him attention and adoration. He's in a very vulnerable spot, which would make it easy for someone who wants to exploit him to move in. He can't abuse substances anymore, so now he's traded one addiction for a love/lust/attention addiction. This would be why he's okay with risking his privacy. Risk is part of addiction, and he needs attention and adoration to feel better.

It's a very fascinating case study. But it's also very heartbreaking to watch. I fear for his mental health and sobriety. I don't want him to hurt himself. And I'm sad for her as well. Regardless of who did what, they're both human beings who will get hurt. They'll hurt each other and be hurt by the attention that they're receiving online. And it's all public. I'm curious to see how long this will last. Will they make it a year or longer, or will it implode before then? It's clear that he should've stayed single.

Yeah, yeah… maybe Jamie is going through a mid life crisis. And being with a younger woman makes he feel young again.

[snowddeong]

Already had an idk how long hour rant session with Sarah about this shit but I'm still so annoyed so part 2 lmao

It's so profoundly frustrating and discouraging how itzy continues to be mistreated in every fucking facet you can imagine for the sin of literally being successful, talented women.

They're literally div 2's bottom line but the company acts like they're doing the girls a favour by even posting about their cbs on the accs that were literally made to promote itzy. We are just now getting some semblance of tiktok freedom 5 years into their career meanwhile idols that debuted after them have their own instagrams and their juniors in the same company have more freedom on all sorts of socials. We've confirmed that div 2 flubs so many of their opportunities for who knows what fucking reason after what happened with the CK Yeji event. And most importantly everything to do with Jisu — never fucking protecting her in any way, overwork, stifling her and the other girls' creativity, not utilising her voice well and every other fucking stupid thing they've done that's definitely made what she's going through so much worse. The girls are a cash grab to that fucking company (to the point we literally first learned about the cb and tour in the same post that was announcing Jisu's diagnosis) and they're not even allowed to express any frustration or sadness over that because "that's not professional" and they'd probably lose everything they've worked so hard for.

If they look sad you're not supposed to acknowledge to it or sympathise with it or treat them as human beings because it's "funny" to joke about how they want to get off work and anyway they're idols who gives af about idols anyway right? So called midzys are more concerned about making unfunny jokes than actually getting to know these girls. Every mf will say "ot5" then turn around and straight up hating certain members. Dehumanisation has become so fucking normalised in midzyville but then mfs will act surprised that the company gets away with this very obvious exploitation and mistreatment. If you view these human beings as a product that you can say whatever tf you want about on sites that you know they frequent because "it's just a joke lol" ofc the mfs presenting them as a product are going to benefit from it 😭

Then you have fuckass bitchass shitstain mnet and their hate boner for itzy. The largest number of most viewed videos on choom, the first choom performance to get more than 50 million views that's still consistently gaining more and more views, the first mix and max vid to get 50 million that's also still gaining views and gagged the kpop space so hard that Bebe Rexah released a korean specific version of break my heart myself and performed at fucking kcon because of Ryujin and Yeji, and their MAMA 2021 being the most iconic performance of that night (to the point that mnet decided to call back to it again last year mind you). You'd think wow hey these guys get us views let's be nice to them and keep them around.... but nah, deleted their iconic fucking performance that gave their boring award show relevance, deleted their debut stage, don't invite them to choom anymore, didn't even send ryeji their trophy or record something for Yeji when she got hers and then the bullshit that went on today lmao. Like it's so fucking obvious and you have to wonder WHY ffs

I have nothing against the group that won even though some of their stans are the most disgusting scum of the earth but like surely.... the numbers did not make sense. Even if you say itzy's digital points were too high okay fine that's just affirming that mnet isn't very honest with their numbers. They deleted itzy's untouchable stage for who knows what fucking reason then uploaded it later with reset views. How tf am I supposed to believe all this was above board when we've been beating that fandom in voting CONSISTENTLY even if they mobilised fandoms to help okay fine but did they enlist the whole of stantwt or something lmao how tf was the difference that great? Why were the sns scores so fucking weird when itzy untouchable shorts have consistently more views? Why is it "cope" or being a sore loser to call foul play when there's so much pointing to it being that AND mnet has a history of rigging??? The only real answer is it's because this happened to a girl group and specifically because this happened to itzy. They released one song people didn't like and suddenly deserve every terrible that happens to them is deserved and just "midzys complaining about nothing". And when it gets to a point where even the girls seem visibly frustrated and dissapointed? "Nah they just want to go home early lol don't read too much into it don't care"

This is so long and I feel like I could go on forever but tldr I just wish better for them man 🫠 every group is unique and important in their own way but itzy are really once in a lifetime performers. I know there's no such thing as a perfect world where everything goes smoothly especially for girl groups but fuck is it too much to ask for a little respect on their names and for everyone to leave them tf alone at the bare minumum 😭 itzy is the only group under div 2 just fucking do your jobs lmaooo

[zalrb]

100% agree with your points. i love that the love story of the show is debbie and sue and not a romantic one but absolutely i really like debbie and gary's chemistry and i like gary so i was rooting for him to do better but i think how it ended with them not really being together and going to do their own things without the other was better than ending up together. what did you think about all the adults and their dynamics, storylines and chemistries?

I think I just needed a bit more from Gary, like I got Gary, he's introspective, he's sensitive, he seems to understand the problematic, misogynistic, violent underpinnings of his social circle, like when he snaps at his friends when they're talking about their sexual exploits because he sees that attitude in his father and in how his father treats his mother and women in general yet he also participates in it though not to the same extent as his friends but still enough and his mom makes him sad and his dad makes him enraged and terrified and sad and so objectively I can see how that leads to the drug use and how he goes from weed to heroin but I also didn't think they explored the drug use enough or Gary's feelings enough for it to feel fully formed for me so I was like I can see what you're doing, I can see how he can be on the path to either being a good guy or a bad guy and how he stutters on that path but I just needed a bit more to feel the sympathy required for me to root for him to be with anyone because I was like, you and Debbie are very sweet but I wouldn't be surprised if in the next scene you did kick her because she ate your food, like it was just too precarious for me.

The parents ... I preferred them in season 1. Season 2 got a little too theatrical for me especially with Yvonne and Ferris and Graham and I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to be getting from that situation. Ferris and Yvonne, they were difficult for me. Like in season 1, I was kind of unsure of whether or not the show wanted us to be like Ferris is abusive or Ferris is just a dick because the way Yvonne acted, like she couldn't leave the house, she needed to get dinner just right, she wanted to wear blue, her anxiousness, her shyness, I was like, does Ferris want her trapped in the house, like did he turn her into this person, got bored and then started philandering? And then his stuff with Gary, I was like OK he makes him drive over his surfboard which is fucked up but when Gary starts smashing dishes, he doesn't do anything... so ... And then in season 2, he literally tries to kill Graham and slut shames Yvonne and kind of becomes cartoonish so I was just like ... ... yeahhhhhh, idk.

I think Roger and Pam had good chemistry and were definitely believable as the married couple who had their issues but who were the most solid out of everyone and were still as passionate about each other now as they were when they first met and seeing their relationship with Sue compared to Martin and Judy's relationship with Debbie was done well, like the different parenting styles.

Judy was interesting because I understood her, I understood what she wanted for her family, what she wanted for Debbie, what she was trying to avoid because what Debbie was doing and what she was getting into, they weren't harmless things, they were pretty heavy, traumatic things that she wasn't ready for so I understood her fear and I understood her stance as OK but I'm the parent and you listen to me, but she's not a likeable character and the things that Debbie would say to her -- which I would never have been able to say to my mom lmao -- weren't exactly wrong either and Judy didn't always handle things correctly although I did understand why she would send Debbie to boarding school and why she made certain allowances for Cheryl that she didn't for Debbie. I also had to rate her for calling the teacher who married Vicki a child molester.

Her and Martin, their storyline is probably the one I cared about the least and Martin was probably the character I cared about the least.

[6okuto-moved]

How would the LL gang look after an s/o who has really bad headaches and period pains?

(feel free to ignore this :))

afab but gn!reader note from nia: naurr if this is any of u rn...i am wishing u luck. take care of urselves :100: i asked my friends how to deal with this so i hope i'm sort of accurate ouagh je suis desolee i actually . don't get period pains imsorry im sor

i'd rank them but it's really anisa then. The Other Two. sage is better with the periods and felix is better with any headaches

first of all bless anisa she's truly here to save the day

unapologetically tells sage and felix to either be quiet or leave if they're making mc's headache worse

watches to make sure they don't overexert themself. very empathetic and lets them take breaks when they need to. probably Makes them take breaks sometimes because she knows how unbearable it can get

shares all of her own tricks and remedies that she's picked up over the years since mc wouldn't have any of their own,, modern fixes

even though she's busy (#girlboss!) she always manages to make time to check in on them, asks if they want to spend the day with her just to make it easier for both of them

she makes sure they're drinking enough water and eating well (might indulge them every now and then if they look sad enough)

omg human heater anisa . who needs a heating pad when she can wrap her arms around you instead

taking a nap with her (╯︵╰,) they're Both finally resting Now

Anisa Kissing Their Head....anisa.... kissing their stomach? somebody knock me out

mc making a "i think i'm going to die" joke and she laughs a little before kissing them and promising she'll make sure they survive

and yes both sage and felix have sisters but i feel like felix helping/dealing with scylla on her period was less of a situation than sage and tulsi ? especially since tulsi is the Younger sister

also there's no way tulsi would let him talk shit about periods LOL

he'd have a good idea of what they're going through (but ngl the idea of slapping him onto those memes that say "aight babe i'm in the pad aisle what size you wear lol" is very funny to me)

unironically asks if they'd like to do some exercise but makes sure it's light if they say yes

loser would hear about heating pads and try to lay on their stomach and say he's basically like a big one

if they mention a headache or any pains he drags them away from whatever they were doing . it's time for quality time with their boyfriend! (a nap maybe)

tries to distract them with dumb stories and jokes while they cuddle

he's easier to exploit for help now. BFSFBSJ he'll get up to get water or food or whatever else they need at the sight of a pout

not pain related but he gets up to change and clean the sheets if they bleed through with no hesitation. says something about his Line Of Work letting him see much worse than a bit of a stain. pretends to be offended that they'd think he'd be upset about it

felix may not be well-versed in the period pain problem but !! the headache situation is up his alley ,, he spends that much time reading and studying he's found ways to stop his eyes and head from hurting as much after

he'd make them tea or refill their water when they drank it all. tells them to rest while he takes over whatever they were reading/doing

he checks up on them and mc can probably feel him glancing over a lot. he's not good at being sneaky when he's Concerned

he's already whipped for them but when they're actively in Pain? [slaps felix on the head] this boy will do anything they want. My Man,, the amount of cuddling he will enthusiastically do for free

reads up on different foods and remedies on his own time to surprise them ,, tries out recipes and makes sage taste test

would offer to try some more,, Magical options . at least the ones he's mastered and not the ones that might just make it worse

unlike anisa if mc made a "i think i'm dying" joke i think he'd genuinely tense up a little before taking a deep breath and reminding himself it's an exaggeration LOL poor guy

[kaypeace21]

I still think it'd be sad (but interesting ) for s4 to end with Will, El, maybe chrissy too in Brenner's clutches ...

I mean just looking at some s4 films said to be inspo for s4...

- Kirsty (in hellraiser 2) & Kristen( in elm street:dream warriors ), are both trapped in a mental hospital and dealing with evil psychiatrists (brenner) and supernatural monsters . And Kristen also has powers (chrissy?? Chrissy/kristen also look similar too) .kristen befriends Nancy (who isn't a subject). And one of the other kids/subjects is a kid named William (into d&d + calls himself a wizard). In hellraiser 2 , kirsty is dealing with interdimensional demons and a evil psychiatrist trying to exploit teens' abilities to open portals to other worlds.which obviously gives Brenner/ el vibes in s1.

- Will in his st comic also throws the book "house of stairs" at the demogorgan. The main characters are a gay boy in love with his bff and a girl with a buzzcut. They're kidnapped by a evil psychiatrist working for the government - who wants to brainwash them and  turn them into weapons. Mike in s1 "I think these bad men took Will."foreshadowing, maybe?

- society: William (Bill) is forceable sent to hospital, he's knocked out by an injection to the arm and kidnapped (like s2 Will). Then the hospital worker lies and tell his best friend , "Bill's dead". Faking Bill's death. Which also reminds me of how Brenner and others faked el's m*scarage at the hospital. And try to trick Terry into believing that fake story.

- Assassin's creed: gov fakes artists death , and he's sent to hospital like environment to be experimented on. His drawings are usually of shadowy looking monsters (reminds me of Will). The dr exploits his ability to explore memories (which also reminds me of El).

-also in st s4 bts: that one person in the hospital gown looked alot like noah (Will)

- And chrissy's actress (grace) on Instagram posted "so she floats" and a blue butterfly (like kali). The quote "so she floats" is from the old belief witches float in water. She also deleted a post (that she made right after being announced as chrissy). Its of her laying on a hospital bed (in water) with the quote "mostly dead - all day". This is a princess bride quote (which is on the st s4 inspo list). The quote is refering to Wesley. They say this cause everyone assumed he's been dead the whole time- when he's actually alive. Also it's an obvious parallel to brenner faking Will's death (in water) in s1 too. Along with possible proof chrissy isn't actually dead.

Also, starship troopers was on the s4 list. The main character in that was thought to be dead but was shown to later be alive . And guess what... the actor who played him is grace's (chrissy's) actual dad.

Also look at this other instagram post she deleted . And the tiktok she kept.

I shouldn't have to explain all the rabbit immagery in the series again. But i'm just mentioning the lab connection . it connects to the lab cause when El escapes and runs from the gov, the song "white rabbit " plays. In suspicious minds brenner compares his experiments to rabbits. And in the 6 comic, when several numbers try to escape the guard says "they're rabbiting".

Also the deleted instagram post has a caption - it's a quote from a character from Mouline rouge. Said character sings a cover of bowie's heroes. And that song is an infamous hint of faked deaths in st.

I probably wouldn't analyze these posts so much, if she didn't delete them tbh.

I just wouldn't be surprised if Brenner does his usual move of "faking kids' deaths" before taking them as subjects...

Aka he did so with El . Tried to fake Will's death. Maybe chrissy's? Or even sarah too?

I just remember my old sarah theory that sara's death was faked by kali under brenner's orders ...but I'm not getting into that possible can of worms XD

[egelantier]

guess who binged the entirety of leverage: redemption in 24 hours? i did, i did, even though i had to psych myself up a bit first. leverage was one of vanishingly few american/english-speaking TV shows that didn't let me down, didn't meander or lose the plot or did the characters dirty or lost its sense of hope and kindness and beautifully lived-in humor, and i was so afraid the sequel is going to mess it up. hardison's not there? new-ish lineup? noah whyle? (rant about him pulling the blanket onto himself and messing up with the nice ensemble show on librarians omitted for time).

what if they did it wrong? what if they're too egregiously dated or embarrassing? what if rogers forgot how to write eliot/hardison/parker? aaah. i had so much anxiety!

and now i have to report that NO EVERYTHING WAS EXCELLENT AND GREAT AND IT'S THE BEST SEQUEL EVER AND I'M SO GRATEFUL IT EXIST. GO WATCH IT NOW. IT'S A RAY OF JOY IN THIS TURBULENT WORLD AND I LOVE IT.

ahem.

dumping a bunch of spoilery and unspoilery reactions under one undiscriminating cut:

i loved how they dealt with timothy hutton not being on the show anymore, and by extension with nate's character, who was, for me, a very important part of the story: with nice verve and gravitas, and selling it with emotions, not just plot convenience.

eliot, hardison and parker are extremely, extremely, extremely married. i'm not sure, by the vibe, if it's an equal triangle of hardison-centered v with eliot and parker being platonic buddies, but yes, those are people who spent eight years together. (and banging.) the in-jokes! the synchronisity! the klingon! the nerdspeak! eliot calling hardison 'babe' at least two times! parker's incredibly inappropriate delight over hot, tight, new vents! god, if they only ever interacted in this pilot, i could live on it forever, and it continued, and it was great.

i'm extremely sad they didn't had hodge for the duration of the show, because apparently he grew from magnificent to incandescent in the interim, but the way they did it was absolutely amazing and worked extremely well for his character (and eliot/parker/hardison family too).

eliot is always my growly favorite, and the best thing about his show is how it's very… without being spelled out too much, it's visible that in those eight years, he's let go of last of his grief and rage and guilt, and he's happy. he's got his soul back, entire, he has his family and his world-changing job and his hobbies and his joys, and he knows that redemption is a lifetime work, and he's doing it with a smile. it was just great to see him, every moment of screen time.(he also kept his habit of being into very tall warrior women, which i can imagine fitting in with his family with no problem, and: good for him. i'm sad they didn't get mikel back for this particular beat, but it was still great.)

parker: sheer delight. just, she's still very much parker in all her gorgeous and gloriousness parker-ness, but she grew into it and into herself and into a variety of roles without reserve and without a limit, and i love her.

brianna the new baby hacker, hardison's baby sister, was SUPER good, fitted the crew like she was always there, and had a variety of great and fun relationships with the entire team. loved her.

SOPHIE: flat out stole the show. i always liked her, but secondary to the ot3, but: she brought so much weight into this reunion tour, her power and her grief and her mischievous streak and her ruthlessness and her hilarity, it was amazing. and i loved how she was very - she was her age in a way that you very rarely see on tv, i think. she and parker both, but sophie especially. my heart for her.

harry the dirtbag lawyer turned good, aka noah whyle: surprisingly great! they didn't give him a mastermind role, which would've killed the show for me, but instead drew him in as an overwhelmed but quickly invested and happy newbie with a lot of sins to atone for, and his bumbling and enthusiastic delight (with some darker underneath) fit the crew dynamics very well without being overpowering or distracting. good for him, and good for the show.

ELIOT LEARNED KLINGON FOR HARDISON AND PARKER DID TOO I REPEAT.

hardison's nanna is alive! and used to fbi on her doorstep.

sadly no sterling or bumbling interpol agents.

eliot made an aging security agent friend who bakes on one of the jobs, and it was adorable.

'LET'S LURE HIM IN AND ALL STAB HIM WITH THE FORKS.'

i laughed my entire ass off the george martin bit. oh show.

ELIOT JOUSTING: THANK YOU, GOD AND JOHN ROGERS. THANK YOU.

the updated and modernized cases - i recognized shkreil, but i'm sure everything else is also america- and current-world based, because the center cannot hold, et cetera - is sliding juuuuuuuuust to the line of being pleasant wish-fulfillment - if only there was a team of genius criminals to punish the unjust and save the innocent! - without being too bitter. i was worried about this aspect, and some of it is too on the nose, but - this was always leverage.

still no gay people, unless this one word in brianna's speech meant she was non-hetero in some unspecified way. that's a pity.

at least two of the marks had anxiety/ptsd that the team exploited in a way that was also very borderline to me: like, on one hand it should be recognized that mental illness doesn't excuse you from being a monstrous asshole to other people, and on the other hand, i wish the devs would learn their lesson from white rabbit job and just, like, don't. but whatever.

parker's cinderella dress, ehehehe.

"you just flipped your hair, eliot."

a surprising amount of the show, for all that it's, as always, hilarious, was - i'd say the entire theme was - about grief, and about grieving for the unfixable and lost, and continuing to move. i liked it a lot, and while sophie carried a lot of it, pretty much everybody had a bit of their own to do, and they all just - grew so much.

in conclusion: ah, ah, ah. what love.

[aoiaoimm]

Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru: character- couple analysis: who wore the galaxies, who lightened up the stars?

• Written by me.

• Personal thoughts.

• Ao3 link here

"What I am saying then is just because you don’t know how you manage to be conscious, how you manage to grow and shape your body, doesn’t mean that you’re not doing it. Equally, if you don’t know how the universe shines the stars, constellates the constellations, or galactifies the galaxies – you don’t know but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t doing it just the same way as you are breathing without knowing how you breathe."

----Alan Watts from the book The Essence of Alan Watts Vol. 4: Death (1975)

---------------

On Facebook, there is a topic that came up like this: Can you guys try to list out how many rival pairs are there in Haikyuu?

Someone suggested Hinata and Kageyama. Others said it’s obviously like the relationship between Nekoma and Karasuno, or the equal of Nishinoya and Yaku's abilities. Speaking of the barrier, there's Aone, there's Tendou, there's Matsukawa. Although a bit skewed, there are people who think that this is Bokuto, Kuroo.

At that time, I thought like this: You know, Iwaizumi and Oikawa are also rivals.

The beginning of their story begins with a few small images: Oikawa with the passion for volleyball from an early age, and Iwaizumi who was drawn to his fanciful hobby even when his full attention had been put into the racquet he used to catch insects and forests. Starting from that prologue, Oikawa Tooru's world only had volleyball, and Iwaizumi Hajime's world only had Oikawa Tooru. Although I was very hesitant in writing all the above, but I don’t think that is wrong. If everyone has carefully watched the anime and even read the manga, people will see almost any frame, when Furudate-sensei describes Oikawa's growth, Iwaizumi is always there for him. Supporting him, looking at him, staying behind him. Never once did Iwaizumi exploit anything other than volleyball and Oikawa, perhaps the world for Iwaizumi is just Oikawa, to go to school in the morning, to study, play volleyball together. Perhaps not just a friend, Iwaizumi to Oikawa is a quiet walk after a late workout, a light from a window in a dark night, a clenched fist that adds more warmth. Surely, even when Iwaizumi was just a child, his thoughts were like this: He is simple-minded, he is very stubborn, a crybaby, and he doesn’t know how to take care of himself. I have to look after him, I have to be here. I should be the support he needs, I should take care of him.

Because Iwaizumi Hajime has always been like this: hot-tempered but easy-going, grumpy but firm with his own gentle tenderness. He doesn't ask for anything, because maybe for Iwaizumi, just as long as Oikawa is okay, he is fine either. Oikawa is his best friend, the person he cares about the most, rather than the fact that he didn't start with a love for volleyball like Oikawa, more than an insect cage and racket. Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, look, this serve is great, let's play volleyball. It’s okay, Oikawa. I choose you.

And then what?

Oikawa collapses in front of him, doesn’t even have even a bit of joy for playing volleyball. This is not just a painful pain for Oikawa, but it is snatching what Iwaizumi wants most- which he has always tried hard to collect and preserve- and shatter to pieces. Iwaizumi was there when Oikawa started his passion for volleyball and watched the way it sprouted around him, unable to stop Oikawa from his own guilt. Iwaizumi was there when they entered the middle school together, became captain and ace, and lost at the hands of Shiratorizawa. Yet it's still not that he can save Oikawa from that painful black hole in the end, until Oikawa explodes in front of him, until Iwaizumi almost couldn’t stop from gung further, before he can do anything with the younger setter that year.

On many forums, websites, media types, in fact, there are many people who have different opinions: think about it, Iwaizumi can choose a softer and less violent way to wake Oikawa up isn't it? Why does he always have to be so violent like that? Are they really friends? They're teammates, aren't they?

The answer is: only because they’re teammates, that they can treat each other as so.

Because they’re friends, Iwaizumi can bring all the anger in him down on Oikawa with a hit on the head. Listen carefully, the sounds from the invisible story page, the sounds that literary minds bring you. The frown on Iwaizumi's face, the way his fists tighten around Oikawa's collar before he gives him a bump on the forehead, they're saying it too.

If they were a normal friends, would it be possible to one of them to immediately hit the other person? If they were only normal friends, would you not hesitate, not be afraid of anything, not feel upset and do something like that?

I'm not promoting violence, I'm trying to understand the emotions that are cornered into muscular movement, in a person who has always been familiar with the watching position, with the role of a supporter.

The blow that Iwaizumi gave to Oikawa, is exactly the same as the punch Oikawa was almost swung towards Kageyama without thinking. If Iwaizumi wasn’t there, what would happen after? But of course, we have no chance to discuss that subject, because Iwaizumi was there, sliding right where he needed to be as if the universe was always, always watching them. Certainly a part of him wanted to scream: look! Feel it! This is what you intend to do with Kageyama! Think it through, what are you thinking? You are a fool! You really have no cure!

But he didn’t. Instead, he said:

“Among us, no one has the ability to win against Ushiwaka in a one-on-one match. But damn, volleyball has six people on the court and that must have a reason! Even if the person on the other side of the net is a first-year genius or Ushiwaka, six who are stronger are stronger!”

Maybe that's what Oikawa wants to hear the most. Perhaps Oikawa doesn't want to hear people call him the best setter, doesn't want to hear people praise him anymore. Perhaps what Oikawa wants is someone to come over and tell him that no one can win against Ushijima alone, that he has already tried his best, that he doesn't need to worry anymore, just rest. Now it's everyone's turn. The people on the same side of the net are all his allies, Oikawa had Kitagawa Daiichi by then, just that he didn't realize they were what he needed until Iwaizumi told him that. He had been rolling around in those hellish years, hurting himself, pressing himself on the involuntary burden like Atlas with the eternal punishment of carrying the earth on his shoulders. Oikawa has never wondered then, what about the other thing?

The joy he craved when playing volleyball.

"Suddenly, I feel invincible."

Feeling that there's nothing that could win over him right then, it's because Oikawa Tooru suddenly realized he was with such a person.

Instead of advising Oikawa Tooru to remove the burden of this planet from his shoulders, Iwaizumi Hajime suggested them to do it together until they couldn't anymore, until the world crumbled on their shoulders.

Instead of smooth and sad goodbye words, Iwaizumi Hajime said that you are the partner I can boast, an excellent setter. No matter which team you join, that fact will never change.

You know, Iwaizumi Hajime is a guy with a lot of "didn't", with a lot of "instead", only for Oikawa Tooru.

Oikawa Tooru is a proud and arrogant jerk, enjoying jokes and compliments about himself. Think, when you are being called "excellent setter", what kind of face would you have? In each match, when you look at the opponent, what kind of face would you have? A smirk, probably. Brown eyes quickly become sharp but a little arrogant, it's also right to say that Oikawa Tooru is a complacent, but it is not wrong to think that he knows his ability, aware of what he is, what he should do to keep it up, how he is better than others, how people look up on him.

However, after watching the anime, I felt like the kind of looks Oikawa gave Iwaizumi when he finished their challenge, was something stranger. I mean, Oikawa has been praised a thousand times before, right? Surely he must not be too surprised anymore? Yet he is. The pupils opened their eyes wide with every single of Iwaizumi's words, he probably couldn't believe this was the person three years ago who slammed his forehead into Oikawa’s face. When Iwaizumi ends his impromptu speech and Oikawa turns around to face Iwaizumi, there is a kind of emotion in his eyes that is usually not there when Oikawa receives a compliment. It is called warmth. It is called pride. It is called a tender emotion, the noble respect between two friends that not everyone can have, when both find themselves stopping by the familiar park, under the moonlight.

"..... But when we confront each other, I will definitely defeat you"

“I have no intention of losing either."

For everyone, this is simply Iwaizumi's fight with Oikawa, or a hint about what will happen in the future, for example, that they will meet again even if they choose two different schools. For me, this is Iwaizumi's last respect for Oikawa when their high school volleyball career is over, as the two prepare to turn to a new chapter of their lives without the other person.

Do you know? Considering someone as a peer competitor is a kind of gentle respect.

Talking about personal issues again, for a while I was very determined to complete the literature test my school took in order to be able to be in the excellent students team. There was this girl in the same class as me who attended the test with me, and when it came to the exam day, she jokingly asked me that because we are in the same class, that can I go easy on her. I also just smiled back then, but actually in my head, I kept thinking. I didn't tell her, but I wanted to say no, I won't need to hold back on you. I will do my best if we compete with each other, because I respect you, because I know you are amazing and powerful enough to me to do that.

So, I think Iwaizumi means the same thing. The fact that he seriously considers Oikawa to be his opponent is kinda odd, because we've always been used to look at him as someone who silently looks after Oikawa, walking behind him, taking care of him. As Ushijima said, almost everyone tried to assert that without Oikawa, Aoba Johsai would be just a mediocre team. But no, after all, Iwaizumi was there, facing Oikawa, on equal position with Oikawa, forcing Oikawa to seriously accept himself as an opponent. Everyone knows this, but to me, I still want to say that Iwaizumi Hajime is really, really strong.

He doesn’t want to stay in the back anymore. He didn't want to be overshadowed by Oikawa, he didn't want to be silent, he wanted to stop watching. He wanted to take a step forward. He wants to be a rival to Oikawa.

Yesterday, while rewatching "Seijou after match", I was surprised to realize Oikawa's eyes were so soft, to realize Iwaizumi was always in his own way, steadfast and thorny until the last minute.

Perhaps Iwaizumi's wish at that time was more than just facing Oikawa on the court. It was his own way of expressing- apart from his deep respect- that he wants to see Oikawa again. He wants to be with Oikawa again, with anything related to volleyball. Perhaps all the little things that Iwaizumi Hajime wants is just to once again feel his connection with Oikawa, once again meet him when the two have became adults,

Once again,

Can be able to play volleyball together.

Oikawa Tooru is covered by the whole galaxy, but Iwaizumi Hajime is the one who lights up the stars.

[movetothesuburbs]

@magneticghouls first of all... My ask box was apparently turned off so it's good to know I'm an idiot. Secondly thank you for asking

Season 1: Charlie Has Cancer. I love this so from the depths of my heart. The concept of it was like that first idea rcg had for the show. Nothing will ever be as relatable to me as Dennis trying to get out of that conversation as soon as possible. "You can talk to me any time" ... "Oh you meant now?" Fucking incredible.

Season 2: The Gang Exploits a Miracle. I'm gonna be honest s2 is my least fave season. The episodes are all pretty good. They just don't grip me as much. They are bastards to the best degree in this episode though. I've never been Catholic but I'm obsessed with the rituals and imagery. "Am I gay for God?" (Real talk I made a dream daddy meme to that) I love Charlie in all white and Mac in all black.

Season 3: The Gang Gets Whacked. Everything about this 2 parter is funny to me. (Except when I get sad abt Dennis) But! Pussy Hands. Peter Nincompoop. Jackie said she counted that Mac and Frank slap Dennis 13 times in a row and I love that. I think cocaine is funny. I think ruining Crucket's life further is funny. I think watching this ep after binging 5 episodes of the Sopranos is extra funny.

Season 4: It was very nearly Mac's Banging the Waitress but I am a sucker for a musical and a basic bitch so you know it's The Nightman Cometh. It was one of the first eps I ever saw. My best friend showed it to me then immediately showed me a live recording. I get Dayman stuck in my head often. I love Charlie. Also "I'm eating because I'm uncomfortable" Cat eyes Mac makes heart eyes Jack.

Season 5: Mac and Dennis Break Up. This was the first episode I ever saw. My bff was like "watch this they're gay" and by God were they. I think about the line "Far be it from me to keep the flower of you from flourishing" every goddamn day.

Season 6: Who Got Dee Pregnant? Admittedly I'm very soft for Dee Gives Birth, but I'm hella gay for Jimmi Simpson and Halloween. Also I love the reactions to if Mac had been the one. I am a sucker for characters telling conflicting accounts of the same event. I think Dennis looked hot as Luigi and think he could have worked that without a Mario just fine, he just wanted a couples costume with Mac. I will not encourage incest shippers, but Dennis thinking he might have gotten Dee pregnant is the funniest gd thing.

Season 7: The High School Reunion. I love far Mac with all my heart and if I saw that man at a high school reunion I do not care what rep he had in high school I would be on that. Also irl I had a crush on the high school drug dealer so what are standards? I love Dee immediately jumping on being the nastiest meanest bitch ever. I love the dance at the end. I think Tim and Dennis made out in high school. I'm gay for Jason Sudeikis so seeing Schmitty show up was beautiful. Cricket..... Was there. My only regret is that I already knew Mac's legal name is Ronald McDonald so I did not get to experience that reveal as a fresh concept.

Season 8: The Gang Dines Out. Did you ever know that you're my hero? I love endings where the gang appreciates Dee. Episodes that take place in one set are always great. The Waiter is great. Frank and Charlie havin' an anniversary 💙 Dennis did not have to give that speech in front of a crowd. He was going to tell Mac all those things just to his face. But he needed that whole restaurant to know who the real hero is. Dennis Reynolds said fuck the troops. I still don't know what a Groupon is. Also that table being so close to the kitchen door probably violates OSHA guidelines but thay's not a part of why I like the episode, just an observation.

Season 9: The Gang Saves the Day. I love seeing characters just imagine fantasy scenarios. Dee's is inspirational but should have been gayer. Mac is... Stupid but I love him with my whole heart and I support him imagining Dennis crying over his corpse. All hail our mighty and buff Lord. Love Dennis saying he'd rather die than have a broken dick. I love that Charlie's is animated. He is so small. There are two genders: janitor or waitress. The most relatable is Frank tho. You eat those hotdogs bitch

Season 10: The Gang Goes on Family Fight. I'm a slut for Argyle sweater vests and Dennis having a mental breakdown. Also Charlie being one of the survey takers was priceless.

Season 11: It should come as no surprise that my favorite of this season (and the series as a whole) is Mac and Dennis Move to the Suburbs. I love every single moment of this episode. I love the breakdown of their sanity. Rage fuels me. People think Dennis is a psychopath but who in this episode is feeding their roommate a dead dog? Not Dennis. What would be different if Dennis was the house husband? You know Wally just wanted to be nice to the gay couple that moved next door but they acted Like That. I'd love to make a longer post just about this episode. Some guy in fb was like "the seasons sucked after sesson 8" and everyone was like "okay but suburbs in season 11 tho" and they guy was like "okay u right" Suburbs is the episode that brings the gays and straights together and will bring us world peace

Season 12: This wss hard cuz I think this is my favorite season overall. And I'm gonna be real controversial here and let you know my fave ep is Dennis' Double Life. I love the concept. I love the convoluted scheme. I would die for Mandy. I know there's a lot with real life stuff happening and how it affected things after but I wanna appreciate it as is. Sometimes you juat have so many big feelings that you run away to North Dakota to be a dad I guess. "I'm the lover obviously" "I have a good plan but you wouldn't listen to it anyway" Did I mention I love Mandy? Maybe it's that I grew up in the Midwest but I understand her on such a deep level. I love this episode so much.

Season 13: The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem. Every time I go into a bathroom I just think "animal shithouse" nonbinary/genderfluid Charlie rights. Hawaiin shirts. I also love Jimmy Buffett. I love they all sing the wrong song. "As a straight man" in the least convincing way. This episode speaks to me on all levels.

[semi-imaginary-place]

dgs2 case 4 twisted karma and his last bow. that chapter title is so ominous!

murder is still murder but wow yeah ryuunosuke (and the player by extension) really might have jeopardized the british justice system. because sithe was very good at her job and she was helping both with individual cases as well was forensic science as a whole quite a lot. but also because of the professor that system would always have a weakpoint that could be increasingly exploited and corrupted like drebber's hush money to murderer pipeline.

i wonder why they changed stronghart's name in the eng localization. he does have such a strong sense of justice. i did get some spoilers but i wonder if he hate ryuunosuke right now? i would if i were him.

mr vigil quit 10 years ago and has been supporting an upperclass lifestyle since then without a job. suspicious as hell.

they killed gregson! D: they actually killed off a developed character! im kinda sad. i kinda hope he's still alive but this matches with the spoilers i got (thing with spoilers is you never know if they're real or not).

why did they make asogi's new jacket skin tight? this hasn't happened to any other character. also if he's the prosecutor i cant decide which outfit naruhodo should wear. hmm should he wear the canon black gakuran which gives a nice white/black contrast between the two representing how they have ended up on opposite ends of the coutroom. or the dlc outfit to parallel asogi's outfit change from a gakuran to a western suits as they have both left their idyllic university days behind. this is the most important decision in the game to make. "go to london. thats where your destiny awaits" i mean spirits and magic actually exist in this universe but i think this is more likely a memory of asogi's which makes me wonder, who said that to him.

the actual murder(s?) reaper is getting desperate. why try and pin down van zieks now of all times. a better time to pin murder on him would be after another reaper victim. gregson's murder is a little out of left field (from the info i have now). i might have been spoiled on the reapers identity its hard to say.

i am very excited.

the music! lol asougi is using the exact same bullshit tactics that naruhodo does in court where he keeps making accusations and speculations that are just plausible enough to always keep the other party on the defensive. Always keep the opposition reacting to what he is saying, control the narrative. how's it feel to have a taste of your own medicine ryuuosuke?

aw poor beppo's homeless now and his shaking got worse.

how the hell is a gossip peddler supporting an upperclass family. is his family rich? is he massively in debt? surprised he couldnt find a higher paying job, unless streetcorner gossip really did pay that well

[thelarrative-blog]

tinhats are all the same. I can't say I'm surprised but I'm appalled. Ziams are complaining Cheryl and Bear are in Liam's top 9 liked photos. "Stunt life more important than music career" wow. Maybe it's because if you actually lived in reality Shannon you'd know that the general public LOVES a happy REAL family unlike you whose a bitter lemon. They're becoming as bad as larries.

I think it’s incredible that we’re in a fandom that is so obsessed with tinhatting they’ve come to hate children and hate their supposed fave’s children.

In other fandoms people celebrate the children they have.

In this fandom people act like if a man talks about his child he’s exploiting that child or it’s some aspect of him that now dwarfs his career in an irritating way. As if having a child or celebrating a child somehow reduces a person. Is this really how they see kids? 

Would people say that about Beyonce and Blue and her twins? Do they realize that if those kids are included in best of lists or referenced in articles or make the top 9 of posts on her Instagram that none of her fans would ever be mad about it? That Britney’s fans aren’t mad about her kids being featured in the top 9? Footballer’s don’t think that Cristiano or Messi or Neymar’s kids being featured in their top 9 proves that nobody cares about the football and that they’re being forced to care about people’s kids instead? 

It’s so surreal what this fandom has chosen to accept. It’s really really not normal. If you think like this please go and look up any other male celebrity you know has an instagram who you know also has kids. Look what they post, look what gets the most likes/comments, look what reaches the top 9. It’s almost definitely gonna be something involving those kids and it’s sad that in this fandom that’s something people fight against instead of celebrating.

[houselannisters]

Hello, I hope this isn't too weird, but I'm curious about what your opinions on Dorne are, in A Song of Ice and Fire and Game of Thrones? Dorne is my absolute favorite house in and has my favorite characters (other than Sansa) and from what I've seen I hate how they're portrayed in the show, but no one else seems to care at all :/ I hope this isn't too weird or confusing, but your opinions and comments are flawless and I hope you have a lovely day / night!

Thank you so much!! And i love questions like these! And trust me people care i just think the ASOIAF fandom is just over it at this point we’ve stopped mentioning it.

So House Martell oh where to begin with the most fucking underrated and badass house to ever exist. 

I love dorne!! It’s easily the most interesting and beautiful location, and home to the martells the most badASS mother fuckers to ever walk the earth of westeros. Like these people kept out DRAGONS and the targaryen armies during the conquest (not even the starks or lannisters could say that) and they’re the most progressive kingdom in westeros. The history behind them is just so vast and fucking cool (like nymeria anyone?) that it was one of the things i was most excited to see portrayed in Season 4 of GOT, and easily the biggest let down for me of the entire series. Pedro Pascal portrayed oberyn fantastically, and i really liked the direction they were going (even if they were over sexualizing it in my opinion). I had high hopes seeing that Arainne and Doran are 6 and 4 on my list of favorite GOT characters, and they even casted the actor literally EVERYONE wanted to play doran and i was ecstatic! That was until we got the rumor that Arainne Martell was not going to appear in the show. This was the moment i think i questioned all of my life choices that led to devoting an entire blog to this HBO piece of shit. But should we really have expected them to accurately portray one of the strongest (if not tHE strongest) female characters in the entire asoiaf series? The answer is NO. 

My favorite part of A Feast for Crows by FAR was Arainne’s chapters and frankly her and doran’s dynamic is one of my favorite of the entire ASOIAF series. She is one of the most beautifully flawed characters and i LOVED seeing her attempt (and fail miserably tbh) to play the game of thrones. The storyline of her trying to crown myrcella in her quest for the revenge of oberyn was brilliant (if futile) and imagine my FUCKING surprise (there was none) where instead of going the fucking complex route they have ELIA kill myrcella in a fucking dumbass move that made.no.sense. It cOMPLETELY SHIT on EVERYTHING that i loved about the Dorne storyline in the novels! In the show these people are portrayed as IDIOTS. But in reality the martells are probably one of the smartest and most cunning houses and their storyline is brilliant because it’s surprisingly SUBTLE. Dorne has SO many things going on at once it could honestly be it’s own book series.  The brilliance of it is that these people who the world view as rash and impulsive (see: arainne and oberyn) and are only portrayed as such in the show also produced one of the best and most complex characters i’ve ever scene which is DORAN MARTELL. 

dorAN MOTHER. FUCKING. MARTELL. i could rant about this fucking bad ass bitch for HOURS!! He’s the complete opposite of oberyn, and he’s 100% more effective when it comes to playing the game of thrones. This motherfucker takes every trope in fantasy novels and turns it on it’s head. You spend the novel seeing doran as this weak ass hoe ass betrayed my dornish ass bitch through Arainne’s eyes, and by the end your entire perception of him is entirely flipped. My favorite moment AND LINE in the entire series (this even tops jaime’s confession which is a big deal to me!!) was when he finally reveals his “heart’s desire” to arainne. i got godDAMN C H I L L S!! And they take that beautiful and heart pounding moment where you realize doran is fucking pissed about oberyn he DOES want revenge he’s just playing THE LONG GAME (in contrast to what EVERYONE believes about the dornish people he’s patient and cunning and willing to wait in order to fucking DECIMATE  these motherfuckers that crossed him) and give it to OLYENNA AND VARYS IS DISGUSTING.  This line is so utterly important to his phenomenal character and the DORNISH STORY and for D&D to give it to these fucking FOREIGNERS is a TRAVESTY and an utter and complete wASTE. And they even killed doran before it was even said. This completely destroyed any of the little faith i had left in got. They took the most badass house and turned them all into idiotic impulsive meat heads without a singe smart bone in their bodies and its so sad seeing as they could’ve elevated and diversified this show so much. 

In summary: i love dorne. I love the martells. I have a shirt that says unbowed unbent unbroken because i love them so much. And they represent the single most WASTED potential in all of GOT. Their beautiful complex story was ripped from them and in return they got heavy handed ridiculous and ill thought out revenge plots and were eventually subjected to being the punching bag of westeros. It literally kills everything they stood for in the book and to top it all off they exploited constantly for their sexuality only to serve D&Ds narrative. So yeah you could say i was bitter? 

[its-whitetomorrow]

Well first of all, the Birth of Mewtwo IS considered canon to the anime (so not the same thing as manga!). It's a backstory for Mewtwo movie which itself exist within the same continuity as OS and even intertwines with it (the famous Mewtwo's escape from Giovanni's base). Anyway, yeah I agree Jessie's mother CAN be a morally bankrupt person and when we think of her as a mother (and her motivation being... a good life for her daughter) we often overlook this fact. THEN AGAIN, just like her own daughter, she can be a complex tragic character. And if we go by TR uniforms, then her uniform is actually filled with shades of white, with black corpus, which is how Jessie and James' uniforms were supposed to be at first. And the OS mum... well, she isn't a "mum" in the Japanese version so I'm pretty sure she is actually a foster mother and Jessie has been living a live absent of mother and in poverty - because Ma was busy with TR, maybe squandered some of the funds chasing bigger prize, and despite their friendship Madam boss was... well, a Sgrudge and TR was a pretty petty syndicate overall, under her guidance. It was reformed by Giovanni.

And sure, Jessie and James are tragic characters with big BIG shades of white and lots of genuine care, but they're still ambitious in their pursue of position in TR. That's never something that could endanger their friendship or relationships they feel strongly about (which is in contrast with Jessie's mother yeah) but they DO exploit, endanger and enslave Pokemon nevertheless. Taking note of their position at the start of OS, they were succsesful in some criminal exploits in the past, newdays (BW and forward) they've become somewhat succseful at it again (when allowed), a "return to form." Like sure, it made sense back in the day (the format of the show, and so on), but the goal behind their characters isn't for them to be absolute TR outcast who always fail at being criminals. That's nonsense. They're just complex characters, kind of perfectly balanced on the scale of black and white. Allowed to occupy themselves with other activities or hobbies. Allowed depth and surprising sympathetic actions. However still villains and legit members of TR who, when successful, WILL exploit and destroy lives, same as Jessie's mother...

So yeah, I kind of get what you're saying and I'm with you there - I think there might be something reallly pesky and unsympathetic behind Jessie's mum, her life choices and how she handles things. She talks so much about this decent life for her daughter but then she failed to provide for her. Jessie's basic needs are ignored, she lives with other persons and Mum fails to spend some more time with her. It's like her loyalty for Madam and their friendship meant more for her. Or maybe something else left unspoken. Maybe gambling haha. But on the other hand... I can't really be unsympathetic towards her and her tragic backstory and it still gives me feels because... hey, despite their positive qualities, Jessie and James are still complete assholes to some people and many Pokemon, happy to sell them into slavery or turn them into weapons! So how can I be angry at Mum? When I know only a fraction of the story?

That's what complex villains are about. I just wish this show allowed for more depth on more ocassions and some interesting, well-balanced contradictions with Team Rocket TRio. Kind of... show they're sympathetic like you do and show us they're aspiring sometimes serrious villains like you do... but have more consequences and drama. For example, I love their sympathetic or sad goodbye episodes but THEN I also like the "goodbye" from BW - when they fail to provide results so they're forced into choosing TR over their brief relationship with their Unova mons and they give them up. Sure BW was able to do that because they never really development a decent on-screen relationship with their mons in the first place, besides it was also the begining of cheap "left at HQ" tradition. But still, I liked the consequence. I wish we had more of this, but maybe with more depth behind it, with other instances where they are super sympathetic, completely grey OR super serious assholes all about business so they don't fall TOO far. Shake things up, show us we love them but then take it away for a moment, let them do something questionable. Maybe they have second thoughts and there is conflict. Maybe they feel like they have no choice. OR maybe sometimes they don't think twice, they just go for it because they know it'll advance their career and as long as they're together that's all that matters. That kind of thing

Ma and Pa James's Second Biggest Fan (we plough a lonely furrow) continues to find Ma Jess's appeal mystifying, since everything about her is negative:

1. Signing up for Team Rocket suggests someone of a morally dubious character to start with, but the truth lies in the clothing, and she's in black!

Black!

It's code for her personality:

• Jessie wears white:

Pure, beautiful, innocent, sweet-natured, not really bad, dealt a severe hand in life but a fighter.

• Cassidy wears black:

EVIL!!! EVIL, EVIL, EEEEEEVUL!!! FOUL SIRENIC TEMPTRESS!!! EVIL HEARTLESS BITCH STEALING JAMES'S NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN WEEPINBELL!!!

Speaking of which:

2. She was Madame Boss's best agent.

You don't get there being kind.

To reach that standing requires hundreds of successful heists, and we aren't talking nicking gold bars. It's living things.

How many Pokémon do you imagine she stole with merciless efficiency?

How many children did she set upon, nicking every animal they had?

How many innocent lives did she ruin by depriving kids of the pets they loved, never to see them again, eaten away with the not-knowing and the false hope?

The glory of her reign ran on the fuel of blood and tears.

What fate do you envision awaited those Pokémon? It's not exchanging one master for another, it's entering slavery.

Jessie and James aren't the epitome of Team Rocket. They are minnows on the outskirts, despised and mocked by most of their fellow members. The actual group isn't particularly famous for prioritizing Pokémon welfare.

The preferable outcome is being handed out to agents to help catch other victims. Otherwise it's transformation into a war machine, forced to fight on and on to the point of exhaustion and death, no doubt tortured and tested on to boot.

What happens if they don't come up to scratch or are pushed for years until too aged and broken to be of any use? Are Team Rocket ready to pension them off to animal sanctuary?

As if. It's euthanasia or on to the streets to waste away, if not fed to the strongest first.

Ma Jess knew this and worse occurred thanks to her, yet paid it no mind, and felt not a single twinge of guilt in that time of service, then met her end trying to draw another Pokémon into imprisonment.

Some might say it was a case of what goes around, comes around. As her behaviour led to God knows how many Pokémon dying alone, leaving their loved ones to wonder and grieve, so in turn did she die alone in the snow, and Jessie had to carry on without her.

I'm not against Ma Jess, I neither feel like or dislike, but I don't understand how so many fans can happily overlook her murky past of inflicting pain, instead elevating her to a semi-divine tragic heroine, yet apparently Ma and Pa's heinous offences of not stealing and treating Pokémon well are beyond forgiveness.

3. It's the Red Ribbon Army! Save yourselves!

Jessie joined Team Rocket to follow in Ma's footsteps. James went with her. Both moved (upwardly in scale, downwardly in morals) from Sunny Town's gang of petty thief kids to a complex Mafia organisation stretching its wriggling tentacles around the world to crush the air from its lungs.

Why? Ma Jess's baleful influence led the two down that path.

Of course Jessie wants to copy Ma, how and where else can she feel close to her?

There's not even a grave to visit!

Rising in the ranks and Giovanni's favour is both to strike it rich and take her place, becoming Ma in essence. That would make her proud, which is all Jessie ever wanted.

What alternative is there? Stay with Chopper and Tyra forever, ekeing an existence pickpocketing and shoplifting, until mortality comes calling sooner than is welcome, or get loaded quickly and retire early?

James theoretically could've gone home at this point, but when it came to which angry redhead he preferred to beat him up, he chose Jessie.

He was henceforth obliged to go whenever she led, even if it meant following the ghost of her mother into the jaws of evil.

They have an excuse, but what was Ma's for getting involved?

However much they boast and revel in their wickedness, the motto proves the couple still believe themselves on a noble quest, despite everything to the contrary, and why?

Jessie isn't about to accept that Ma Jess, whom she's probably idolized as one of few people to love her and a role model of how a woman should be, was nasty or unpleasant. If she was in Team Rocket, it must be good, whatever the outer appearance.

Except Jessie and James are bad at being bad. They are not master criminals. All their plans fail, rendering them poor and starving in consequence. The inner circle of Team Rocket will always be barred to them because they lack the inner darkness it requires.

The joke is they flourish in any other occupation, whether that be Salon Rocquet, reporters, or flogging merchandise and food at the League. If employed elsewhere they'd be better off, but they have to stay because Jessie can't let go, or bear the thought she might be a disappointment to her mother's name. A different career looks unworthy by comparison.

What, so Ma and Pa have got no son because of Ma Jess? They just wanted him to be a gentleman!

If she hadn't set such a terrible example to her daughter she might have an increased quality of life, but then had she done so Ma wouldn't be dead in the first place.

4. Can't pick 'em can she?

What was it that first attracted Ma to Windy Miller? Does she go for the rustic charm, or the promise of a lifetime's supply of bread to feed the abundance of babies planned?

Don't do it, Ma! He's an alky!

Some birds are like that you see. It's the maternal instinct gone haywire. They see a local reprobate and somehow decide he's really a damaged soul crying out for love, the scapegoat of a cruel society.

He's not evil, he's just misunderstood!

This is why you get nutters wanting to marry the Yorkshire Ripper: they put his 'mischief' down to bad women mistreating his gentle heart, but they of course are devoted to his happiness. They can change him.

You don't know him like I do!

In their fantasy, under the influence of a 'proper' woman he'll transform in to a flower-picking hippie, but not too much, they still like him to be dangerously 'manly' (keeps 'em on their toes), then they can feel smugly superior and more truly female than the 'lesser' breed who failed to tame his sexy pashuns.

And if there's one thing Windy has in abundance, it's raw animal magnetism.

Stop it, Ma! You can't help those who don't want helping!

She put up with the boozing, the flour dust and his somewhat limited communication skills, but what really let him down was the company he kept.

Ever after she would insist Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub led him astray. That's firemen for yer.

Sure enough, some point after Ma Jess was stuffed up the spout, old Windy legged it back to Camberwick Green, like the rascal he is, and not a sweet penny piece did she receive in maintenance, the bastard.

At least Ma James got pregnant by a man who stood by her.

She wasn't married to Windy Miller!

Oh, you mean they were living over the brush? I see.

It's all in your head!

Do it my way, and we have Pa Jess. Do it yours, and we're back to a cavernous emptyness. Unless you can supply a picture of the 'real' (pffft) Pa Jess, this is the best available.

Anyway, 'Jessie Miller' just sounds right.

Coincidence? I think not.

5. She went to look for Mew dressed like this.

I could forgive it had she gone in her normal uniform, that's just whimsy, but to have made some effort emphasises that it's not enough!

Some part of her understood a mountain might be a bit parky out, but this was deemed sufficient coverage!

What happened?

She bloody died didn't she?!

6. Ma Boss points the way to doom.

Ma Jess was at least loyal to the mistress she served, but it was a wasted dedication. She squandered her life obeying a heartless virago who could cast aside apparently valued staff without a qualm, whatever thanks she owed them.

The millions Ma Jess accumulated for Madame are probably uncountable, yet she was so worthless that, when dispatched to the mountain, on her own, expected to catch a Legendary Pokémon, by herself, which many doubted even existed, and wasn't likely to come quietly, or put up with orders, but then didn't come back, Madame Boss allowed her only child to sink into poverty and the infamous 'care' of the State.

Everyone knows what goes on there. Entering a home has replaced the workhouse as the place of dread.

Jessie might have been killed or attacked and it didn't remotely concern Madame Boss, unwilling to spare a meagre fraction of her massive fortune to give the girl she made an orphan any comfort or security.

What did she matter? Her mother failed. Why reward that?

In her turn, Jessie became just as obsequious to an undeserving master, who went further than his mama and actively tried to murder her, and still she suffers to please him.

Team Rocket devoured her mother, and now it's swallowed her.

Oh, and Madame Boss got her way upon discovering Mew's fossil, so Ma Jess died for nothing.

7. This.

I'm not surprised Mew wouldn't go with Ma. She probably sensed the vivisection awaiting, and didn't give a toss about the avalanche in revenge.

Mew hasn't got where she is today falling for any old empty promises from a stranger, thank you.

Suppose the mission had worked, with Mew caught and gift wrapped for Madame's delectation: what then?

Perhaps Mew's power, proving so impressive, would've pushed any cloning scheme aside, leaving Mewtwo unborn and Mew as the mightiest weapon. Or in greed Madame Boss demands more, and in arrogance the scientists promise the earth, the seas and the heavens.

Mew I could see subjected to some non-lethal form of dissection, just to understand how she ticked, that is if they could build the cage to hold her.

As they couldn't, and catching Mew was never a possibility, then Ma Jess's sacrificed herself on a fool's errand, which was obviously one from the outset. If Mew was easy to handle she'd have been captured long before now.

Either Ma dies, Mew's safe, but Madame Boss starts the cloning scheme anyway, or Ma's victorious, Mew is a tool of Team Rocket and the scientists have more sample to experiment upon. Mewtwo is still made, alongside short-lived creations and dozens of unseen freakish abominations preceding.

Now Mewtwo isn't what you call at peace with himself, nor has he received a particularly wholesome experience. One could think Ma indirectly caused that. Her branch of the project may have fizzled to cinders but she still played her role.

What would her legacy have been but to help bring forth the being that wiped out mankind? Where's the future for Jessie when there isn't one?

It's not her fault, but she died in the name of cloning a biological disaster, the creation of synthetic life leading to the destruction of it all.

8. Let's have a gander at Ma in the anime:

• Can afford rent.

• Can afford a tray.

• Can afford crockery.

• Can afford condiments to add flavour to food.

• Can't afford any actual food.

Something's wrong there.

I intended to include affording clothes too, but now I'm not so sure.

I never took Ma to be a brown-all-over kind of woman. At least she gave the fancy stuff to Jessie.

For years I've assumed she wore a brightly coloured jacket, but now I suspect it's a red one heavily patched up, because buying a replacement isn't an option.

Really old clothes are being mended with whatever can be salvaged from even more worn-out clobber.

Best agent Madame Boss has and she's practically living in her own filth.

Team Rocket takes care of its own, eh?

Oh no, let's not get a proper job, one that allows me to provide for my daughter and doesn't ask for my life. Let's stay in this one!

9. Look at Jessie's face!

By her own admission, being tricked into eating snow is the best thing that ever happened to her during an 'otherwise wretched childhood', to the extent she doesn't know it was wrong!

I don't hear Ma and Pa doing that. The only ice James got was an ice-cream sandwich.

What kind of infancy did Ma Jess give the girl for her to be nostalgic about almost dying of malnutrition?

If we say that's a foster mother as in the sub, it means Jessie's fondest memory is after Ma died, which is too brutal for me.

Yeah, thank goodness she's snuffed it.

You think Ma might have taught her not to eat snow! She left her so ill-prepared!

Consequently the sub version makes Ma Jess an awful creature, although I don't see why that Jessie would so desire to mimic a mom she apparently doesn't care about.

10. She's not even bloody here!

I have no picture to signify absence, therefore I must show whom she left behind.

Ma Jess is Pokémon's answer to Bobba Fett: background figure, barely involved, no information, dies early, yet became a fan favourite nevertheless.

If nothing really exists, what is there to like? Why are you contented weaving smoke?

When Rocketshippers put forward the manga as proof, the Anti-Ships used to insist that it 'didn't count' for being set in a 'separate universe'.

If that still goes, and only the contents of the anime apply to the anime, well then it's bye-bye to Ma Jess and Madame Boss, because they aren't real either.

I sometimes think that's true. However traumatic, would Jessie not have acknowledged her mother by now otherwise?

We grasp the characters all had two parents in a nebulous fashion, although not being real people means they don't 'technically' need them, but Ma Jess is the only one who vanished to be granted a face. Why is she then ignored?

She's briefly glimpsed in a passing scene of a single episode of the first series and is never seen or referenced again. The sub doesn't even have that. Where was the use in creating her if only to leave that thread of the tale billowing in the breeze?

We may decide her actions affect Jessie's but we're only imprinting assumptions. She might as well have remained unwritten for all that's made of her.

What we can glean doesn't bode well, irrespective of things left unmentioned.

Her one redeeming deed was dying, thus at least she didn't choose to abandon Jessie. We may presume she'd have stayed with her girl given the chance.

By my reckoning that puts her as Fifth-Best Mother Of Pokémon, behind Ma Brock, Ma James, Dame Ketchum and Ma Boss, in that order.

Then they're those who claim she never died, so she just pissed off like everyone else, rendering her devoid of a single positive quality.

This is the woman you sigh and agonise over for decades.

Ma and Pa are right there, man! Show 'em some love!

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Ro

Surprisingly productive argument/turned actual conversation, about Drew, Ro’s self-loathing, sister issues and their parents/going to London soul-searching.

Bea: Back with him then? I thought you'd learned your lesson (finally) last time...Well? Ro joined the chat 3 hours ago Ro: Yes, it was rather unexpected, and sudden I suppose, hence I didn't get a chance to let you know individually Ro: Well, actually I have learned a lot. As has Drew. Bea: That's always good, rushing into commitments, being at his beck and call... Bea: And obviously he has, how else would he deceive you, again. Got to have new tricks. For goodness sake! Bea: What does he actually do with his time, Ro? What do you think? He isn't in Schooling, fine, but where's his REAL job? Bea: What are you getting out of this? Except heart-ache and being made to look a fool at the end of it, every month or so Bea: I thought you were in a good place? Ro: That isn't at all what I meant. There was a lot going on with my birthday celebrations and everything as you yourself know. Ro: Oh Bea that's just uncalled for! He's changed and with is finally being more truthful with me. Ro: I thought you, out of everyone, would understand standing on your own two feet and making a living for yourself your own way. He didn't enjoy school but he's using the skills he has to support himself Ro: What is so wrong with that? Ro: I am in a good place now. With him. He loves me. What more could there be to get 'out of it' Bea: Wait, he didn't try all this AFTER you read the letter, did he? Bea: It's always an emotional time for you, regardless if it was before or after anyway; it's wrong for him to exploit that for his own gain Bea: No, he hasn't! If he had, he'd leave you alone, or at least let you come back to him. He hasn't changed at all. Bea: So tell me what he does, if it's so admirable, tell me right now what you think he does, what has him out all the odd hours Bea: I, out of everyone, know where dealing in the things he does, can get you. You don't remember what it was like for Tess and Fearghal back then, you were too young, but they've told enough war stories for you to know better! I know you do, so why are you choosing to ignore what you know to be true for his sake? Bea: He isn't worth it. For God's sake, being associated with him could risk your career before its even began. Is that what you want? Think on! Bea: Oh, Ro. There is so much more than those words, even when they're not empty. Ro: Why must you take something so nice and twist it into something HORRIBLE! I hadn't even opened your gift when Drew and I reconciled. Mum and dad have nothing to do with this and he would never do anything to involve them after everything he has been through with his own family. Ro: You don't know anything about him. Or us. You barely know me. Ro: He does all kinds of things, odd jobs, fetching and carrying for people that sort of thing. I didn't need all the ins and outs because I trust him and honestly it hardly matters if you don't. Ro: I've also been told enough stories to understand that people deserve second chances, as have you. He isn't as lucky as I was. He remembers every struggle before Caleb's family took him in and he does what he has to do to make sure he and Meena will have a future whatever happens next. I can't blame him for that and you shouldn't. Self reliance is the opposite of a risk and I'm proud and lucky to know him, thank you very much. Ro: You clearly have no idea what he's worth so you'll excuse me if I don't bow to your 'wisdom' on the subject. Ro: Besides, it's my career. Not yours. You've made your own choices why can't you let me make mine? Ro: How can you say that Bea! You live by them. Fraze is everything to you and you've never listened to a word against him, have you? Bea: You're just seeing it as it actually was, and not through rose-tinted fairyland glasses. Bea: I know enough. More than you, as you continue to choose ignorance over swallowing the bitter pill and moving the fuck on. Bea: And there is no 'us' as in 'you and him'. There never will be because that is not what he wants from you. Bea: You are ridiculous. This is not 1950s America in a cheesy movie...He isn't a fucking boy scout doing bob-a-job. Listen to how stupid you sound, for what? He doesn't defend you, or do anything that inconveniences him, in fact, for you. Its one-sided and unfair and you deserve better, I know you think otherwise, and that you won't get better but its true, and possible. Bea: Boo fucking hoo. He doesn't get to use his sad backstory to be a criminal. All that will happen is that he'll end up in jail, leaving his wittle sister alone. And Meena will be just fine without him, because she's got a fucking brain in her head. God, I wish I could say the same for you. Bea: I don't care to know any more about him that is plainly evident for all to see. You're not going to get a doctorate for giving a shit about him. He isn't special. He's not intriguing. He's a waste of your time and energies. Bea: Don't even bother going to Cambridge if you're going to throw it all away on him. Save the country the debt, get yourself knocked up now and waste away waiting for him to love you back. Bea: Because we have common interests, goals, and you know, we make each other's lives better by being in them? And we've always both been willing to put our money where our mouth is, in terms of love and working together to get what we want and need. So please, don't ever try and compare this teenage infatuation of yours to my relationship with Fraze again, it is just laughable in the saddest way. Ro: Stop. You don't know half as much as you think you do and frankly what information you're working with isn't correct anymore if it ever has been. You're the one being ridiculous, not me. Ro: Not to mention judgmental! You don't get to tell him how to act or what his future may or may not be because you aren't a monopoly on tragedy. Ro: I wish you'd stop pretending to have any stake in my own future either. It isn't so and I'm not going to do as you say just because you say it. Not that it's any of your business but getting pregnant is the last thing I intend to do but if I did it has nothing to do with you and there is no reason I'd have to choose regardless. You didn't and Ali isn't. Ro: I've already told you he does love me and he does make my life better but since you clearly need to hear it, we also have plenty of things in common. Bea: No, I won't. Because someone needs to tell you, and it will go in. And one day, you will see sense. Bea: Yeah my judgment is the least of his worries, try the judgment of the fucking law because did you forget, its illegal? Bea: He's a moron, everyone in Dublin knows he's dealing, he'll be lucky if the police find him before rivals do and break his fucking kneecaps. Bea: I do, I'm your sister, you don't have to like it for it to be reality, you can't write me out of your fucking fairytale, Ro. And if you want anything to do with your niece or nephew, I'd reconsider the path you're going down because fat chance I'm letting them near that scum, or near you when you're behaving so irrationally. Bea: All you have in common is co-dependency on toxicity and fucking up your lives and your poor attempt at trauma-bonding. What fun! Ro: We're sisters when it suits you, Bea. I'd be surprised you have time for this conversation except I'm well versed in the fact that you live to berate me. I thought things were getting better between us but apparently I'm wrong about that above all. Since we've come to what is really, and consistently, the heart of the issue once again, I won't try and change your mind or apologise, once more, for not being good enough for you. I'd hate to sound even more like an irrational teenager when you read back this conversation to bask in your superiority. Ro: What's fun are these constant fights and reminders of what a failure you believe I am. Ro: If you don't want me around Nancy and Buster then fine, they are your children. I don't feel the need to tell you what to do or you're doing wrong. Bea: So you want me to leave you alone? But are also so sad about the fact I'm never there for you? Sounds like someone's confused! Unsurprising when you believe lies and won't see or hear anything real. Bea: And I haven't berated you, I've berated him; you are not one. Which is the real heart of the issue, you taking responsibility for and internalising all his bullshit. Bea: And I have bad news for you on that front, except you sound like what you are, a child. Bea: I've never been ashamed of you. Until now. Bea: You won't be in and out of their life when it suits you, just an Auntie when he leaves you, AGAIN. So, you've made your choice. I sincerely hope you can live with it. Goodbye, and good luck, Ro. Ro: I must take after you what with you contradicting yourself so heavily. If Drew and I aren't one, as you're so keen to stress then why are you so quick to try and tell me that I'm not separate from his choices or mistakes. Ro: Sadly you're too late as well because I'm not a child anymore. However my relationship continues or ends I'm living my own life. I didn't expect to have to do so without you but I fine. Ro: As for the kids, I wouldn't do that when I know how much it hurts. Ro: For the record though, this is the choice you made. It's been forced upon me but I guess I will have to live with it all the same. Bea: No, Ro. You chose to make the wrong decision. Bea: You love getting a chance to be the victim. Well, be his victim. But you're not mine, you did this to yourself, I gave you the choice. Ro: There shouldn't have even been a decision to be made but you need me to be wrong so badly don't you? In every way you can. Forgive me for being sick of it. Ro: No Bea, you love me to be a victim so you can heap your scorn on me. It's not the same thing. Just like a choice isn't the same as a ultimatum which is what you've thrown at me. Bea: No, I need you to fucking love yourself! Maybe you're sick of feeling wrong, feeling like you're never enough. That is coming from you and you alone, so don't you dare try to push your self-loathing onto me and say that's how I feel about you, because it isn't, never has been, and it never will be. I love you. Bea: I pity you, it hurts you like scorn because you've still got an ounce of pride left in you somewhere. I'm just asking you, begging you, to hold onto it and make use of it. Ro: Then just love me! Let me be happy without trying to ruin it and be cruel all the time. That hurts me and it does, and is, coming from you. I can't keep having the same fight with you. It's more exhausting than anything Drew's done. Pity me for saying so if you want. I can't control that either. Bea: If I have to be cruel to be kind, then that's the role I have to play. I hardly enjoy it, it hurts me too, Ro! But I'm not going to lie to you, to pretend something is okay when it isn't, just because that's what feels best to you at the time. Because its not going to feel good when you look back, for me or for you. I'm not prepared to wrap you in cotton wool. You're an adult now? Then I'm treating you like it, no coddling. Ro: But you don't have to! You don't have to like him but why can't you accept that I do? I love him. Why can't that just be okay? Nobody else is lying or pretending, I mean look at Tess, but she's not being like this. Like you. Ro: You're my sister but you don't have to be anything to him, I'm not asking for that. We aren't married, Bea. Bea: Because I AM your sister! They're all family, but they're not; there are boundaries. And Tess is a parental figure, parents let you make your own mistakes. But I am your sister and I happen to think you've made the same mistake enough times now. There's nothing more to learn from this, from him. Nothing of worth for you and your personal growth. Bea: But I know you're not going to stop, so, there we go. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try, it will help one day. Ro: But maybe it isn't a mistake this time. Or maybe I am just tired of always having to think in terms of what I can learn or take and want to just have what he can give me... Ro: why can't this be worth a try? Bea: Because you're worth more than just taking what you can get from someone who isn't giving enough, nevermind their all. Ro: You're just saying that because you don't like him. Bea: No, Ro, I am not. And you know that. Ro: I know I'm not you. Or Ali. And I know what people say about me. Why they bully me. I'm not stupid. Bea: You're socially awkward, that's all. People with competent enough social skills themselves can easily get past that. And you're clever, all that just combines to make people feel insecure so they project that onto you, make you feel the same. Bea: Its not as if I had any real friends at School either. There's a whole world out there, Ro. Filled with people who will like and love you, will get you. Bea: And you have Ali, and Meena, don't you? Ro: No you're clever, I just work hard. Try harder. Ro: You don't get it, he's not the one who's wrong, I am. Ro: He loves me, why can't I have that? Ro: And yes, of course, but it's not the same Bea: But what's not admirable about that? Being 'clever' innately (which in School just means having a decent store and recall memory to pass tests) isn't anything to shout about particularly, but putting in the work is. Bea: What's wrong with you? Different is not wrong. They're all the same, it makes it feel wrong to be different, but do you want to be like all the other girls in your School, really? Bea: You're better. Bea: Don't make me say it, Ro... Ro: In theory yes but in practice it's simply exhausting and frustrating and anything other than admirable. Or likable. Ro: I just don't want to be this. It isn't about comparison Ro: He makes me happy that's all. Bea: It feels like it when you're there, but School isn't a popularity contest. Its to get you to where the fuck you actually WANT to be, that's all. You don't want the only place you ever wanna be to be the School playground 'cos you've peaked, 'cos you're leaving in a year's time and there is no going back. Bea: You're going to have a life that is more than just nostalgia Bea: That's all this is, that's all I'm trying to prevent here, don't fall into the trap, okay? Ro: I know that. Ro: But this isn't just nostalgia though, I know that as well. Bea: Okay, but one day it will be, and I want you to be able to look back at this time with more than just regret Ro: And I want a chance to be in the moment, for once, instead of constantly looking back or worrying about the future Bea: Then go for it, like I said. But 'living in the moment' doesn't magically absolve you of making choices that will affect your present, your future, and how you look back on it as the past one day. You can not think too much about it when you're in it, sure. But you will have to live it and re-live it. That's just life, baby sister. I know it better than most. Ro: Okay, so what you have me do, leave him because of how he might behave and how he has in the past, in spite of his apologies for it? That isn't right. Bea: The past has a habit of not staying in the past...It creeps up on you, and on him, no doubt, old habits dying hard. If you can live with how he treated you, how everyone knows he treated you, the cheating and lying and just cruelty, he threw your way- then, well, I can't stop you. I wasn't trying to, I was only ever telling you how it is, how I see things. Bea: Is sorry enough? Because you know, it can't fix everything, don't you? Ro: I have to believe it can Bea: Then...I wish you luck. Ro: Is that all? You don't hate me again, do you? Bea: I never hated you, Ro, and I don't Ro: I hope so. I'd like to come and see you. I've been thinking about the woman that wrote you the letter a lot and was wondering if I should send her one back or something. Bea: You could- Or we could go visit her, she did offer Bea: I have been pondering what to do too Ro: Oh, that's an even better idea, if a scarier one.... Bea: Yeah Bea: We'll be okay. I'm certain she's legitimate, as in she was a true friend, not just someone who went to the same School and had a vague recollection and some old photos. I did a lot of digging before I reached out and she'd done Facebook posts on mum's Birthday, and the anniversary of the crash, year upon year, and she had more photos on their too. Bea: She could probably give us a real sense of who they were, and the area, she's still there...Its not somewhere in London I'd been previously and I haven't gone without you Ro: I don't doubt that or you, it's just...what if I'm not how she expects. Ro: The whole thing could be a huge disappointment Bea: It's not an audition. We're their daughters and that isn't up for debate, nor judgment. Who would she be to do that? Not that she sounds like that but you know, fuck anyone who would, they don't know us, what we've been through. Bea: It could be, yeah, but we've not got anything to lose, have we? Ro: You're right. Okay let's do it. When? Bea: Well, its a pretty good season to do it in, I think. Goodwill, being with new friends, reminiscing on old, reaching out to your fellow man and all that. We can get her something, to say thank you... Your last day is the 21st, right? So, if we do Sat 22nd, you can come back to Cambs with me for the Sunday and we'll all go back to Dublin together on the Monday, for Christmas Eve. Bea: Is that too soon for you? Its a few weeks but if you need longer, we can do it AFTER Christmas. I just think the festive season is as good an excuse as any, it'll make us all for more comfortable, I feel. Ro: No no I agree. That's a perfect time. Bea: I'll talk to Tess but I know she'll be fine. Bea: I'm really looking forward to this Ro: Anything to distract her from it being Caleb's family's turn to have Ali and the kids for Christmas, bless her. Ro: Me too. Thanks again, Bea. I know I've said it a hundred times already but Bea: Oh dear, I better catch up with her so she can rant, save your ears from it for the hundredth time, especially Ferghal's! Bea: Its okay, hopefully we'll get even more from this visit, fill in the blanks once and for all Ro: I really hope so, yes. Bea: I better get on, lots to do. We'll talk soon. x Ro: Okay. Kiss the twins for me 💕 Bea: Will do 💞