#its generally a chapter or two that will get me instantly hooked and may never be continued

[echoofawind]

Happy Evil Author Day!

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Mel's Top 3 Reading Recommendations

Introduction

As I enter my third year of reading I can now say that I have read enough books that I can start recommending some of my favourites to people. As of this blog I have read 77 books since 2022 and let me tell you its been a fun ride for sure. One promise I intend to keep though is to try read diversely and not just pick up Marvel, Star Wars and Doctor Who books. I mostly am starting to fulfil that. When I was younger all I read was Daisy Meadows Rainbow Magic Fairies Novels but as an older reader I'm going to do my best to make sure my reading is enjoyable and as diverse as possible.

I'll make another list once I'm six years back into reading but for now these books are books that have made a huge impact on me and are ones I would demand for you to check out if you haven't done so. These books are books that instantly sparked with me and that I found relatable. I can assure that the list isn't just scifi or Star Wars and Doctor Who novels. These are novels that struck a strong impression with me that are some of my favourites. I need to listen to more novels

There's been a lot of highlights but as much as I've loved them I've felt like those highlights haven't been as important to share. The books I've chosen are so important that I believe the 2nd and 1st entries need to be on the English Curriculum instead of outdated poop such as Of Mice And Men. Whilst the third entry is still an important read I feel like the top 2 are good educational tools whilst also being enjoyable books in general. The sad thing is though that I know they'd refuse the two books I've chosen due to their queer themes. So I'm sharing them with everyone is this post so that they can get the hype that they deserve.

Without further or do I'm proud to present

3: Light Of The Jedi By Charles Soule

Now I know what you're thinking but Mel this is a Star Wars book I don't even like Star Wars- Shhhhh. You may not like Star Wars but let me tell you with honesty that The High Republic is one of the best Star Wars eras due to how fresh it feels and who inclusive it is. If your a Star Wars fan and haven't read these your missing out. If your not a Star Wars fan I'd still recommend this one due to how orginal is and how it focuses on community and people coming together during a disaster.

For those who haven't read this wonderful introduction into The High Republic. Light Of The Jedi follows the pov of mutiple Jedi and government figures as they try stop a hyper space disaster from ravaging other planets. The villians The Deadly Nihil may or may not have pov chapters too. Normally stories with mutiple characters pov would be really hard to follow but not only does Soule manage to make it work he also manages to make it super entertaining.

It's such a unique way of story telling and a really good introduction to the Star Wars world even for those who may have never seen the films. If your a prequels fan and hated The Jedi this book will entirely shift your view on them and make you angry they fell so far into The Jedi of the prequels. There's also some really healthy Master Apprentice dynamics such as Bell and Loden as well as Burryaga and Nib. Its so refreshing and made me not only hooked on The High Republic but also desperate to pick up more Star Wars books.

Can recommend enough giving this book a chance as I promise it'll be worth it.

I had no idea that the next book would be so gut Punching. My second recommendation is...

2: When Our Worlds Collided By Danielle Jawando

I have never been more thankful that I picked up a book out of sheer impulse. This wasn't on my wishlist but I went with my friend and once I read the synopsis I impulsively bought it along with the book I went to the store for. At the time I didn't know if I'd made the right decision but now I know I did. This is one of those books that in my opinion needs to be in the UK education curriculum instead of harmful ableist books like Of Mice And Mine. It's so educational and raises awareness of what it's like to be a black teenager in the UK. It critiques society's harmful structure and also shows that tragedy as difficult as it has the ability to bring people together. I loved and if anybody is looking to diversify their tbr I'd recommend it in a heartbeat.

For those who haven't read the novel When Our Worlds Collided follows teens Chantelle, Marc and Jackson as their worlds collide after witnessing the murder of 14 year old Shaq. Their world view gets flipped and they have to question the institutional systems in police. All of the teens are in Yr 11. Chantelle a working class teen has to deal with a teacher who is deeply prejudice towards her, Marc has to deal with a new school and the struggles of being black in the foster and Jackson who comes from a rich background has to find his true friends and discover what he wants in life. All of them are relatable and have like I teased their own struggles to deal with throughout the book and Shaq's death fuels them and their new friendship.

It's a deep and heavy novel but super important novel to read. Of course I'd give a trigger warning for any bipoc readers but if your you must check it out. You want everything to be happy and go well but you eventually get a wakeup call and realise that's not releastic. It does have a lot of black truama but it's also hopefull and allows for these three teens to form a life long friendship. The sad bits are heavy but the lighthearted moments make you smile. My favourite lighthearted moment had to be Chantelle and Marc teasing Jackson over his love for Star Wars.

So I'm begging you please check it out, it's the book you didn't know you needed to pick.

Now my final pick is another book that early teen Mel absolutely needed. It healed my inner child. My number one recommendation is...

1: The Many Half-Lived Lives Of Sam Sylvester By Maya MacGregor

This book saved me. I'm so glad I picked it as one of the first queer books to read. I've had a lot of religious truama and struggled to accept myself being Nonbinary but this book was super affirming and it was so glad to have Sam's identity normalised. The best part though was the incredible Autism representation. Like Sam I'm Autistic and Nonbinary and I felt like the Autism representation was perfect. Nobody was ableist to Sam and they all accommodated them. Even the teachers were brilliant. I also loved how their special interest of studying people who died before 18 wasn't mocked or turned into a caricature. The murder mystery itself was also really gripping. No spoilers but it feels like the scene from Spider-Man Homecoming where Peter opens the door and discovers who The Vulture is. It's a book that slaps and is gonna be a super gripping read.

For those who haven't read the novel. The story follows Sam Sylvester a teen who isn't optimistic about their move to Astoria after experiencing truamatic hate crime in their previous town. Things get much more exciting when they not only meet new friends and a potential partner but also discover they are living in the same house where Billy a teen is the 1980s "accidentally" died. Sam and their new "friend" Shep aren't convinced it was an accident though so they decide to investigate. And let's say the answers don't disappoint at all.

It's an amazing novel with am entertaining mystery to solve, found family and healing from the past. It also really portrayed autism well and didn't turn Sam's special interest into a characteriacture you can tell an actually Autistic person wrote the novel. The queer representation is written just as well too. The author talk really informed how much love Maya put into the novel.

Like I said it healed my inner child and is overall just a wonderful book. You should absolutely check out, it has some of the best Autistic representation ever and has scenes that will leave you a gape when you realise Vulture was Liz Shaws Dad.

Out Of All My 5 Star Reads This Is Definitely The One I'd Pick Out The Most.

Conclusion

So that has been my Top 3 Reading Recommendations I hope at least one book has appealed to you and I absolutely promise to do another once my 5th year of getting back into reading is complete.

There's still so much I want to read and am excited to do so. Whilst I love Star Wars books I am trying really best to diversify my tbr as I don't want another situation where I only read Rainbow Magic Fairy books. Sam Sylvester and When Our Worlds Collided are clear examples of contemporary novels I've been able to enjoy.

Reading is great but remember that even if you want to do it for "fun" diversifying your tbr is important.

-Melody-

They/Them

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Long Nights - part 5

Neil x Reader

Chapter 5: After rain

(see chapter 4, 3, 2, 1)

summary: you learn to cope with the new situation, but you aren't the only one struggling

warnings: 18+, angst and pain, explicit language and other things

author’s note: This part of the story's been with me for... oh, so long. I just hope I did it justice. ✨6,1k words.✨ I don't even know.

Hurt/Comfort.

The song for this part is Dermot Kennedy - After rain

Enjoy! All feedback is greatly appreciated, let me know what you think?

——————

Tag list: @cxnnienikas @neutron-stars-collision ​ @ergunbilge @invertedneil @wanderedaway @mellifluous-cosmos @wonderwoman292 @buckysgoldenheart @townmoondaltwistle @theriverbeneaththeriver (please let me know if you want to be added/removed from the list)

-----

Your hands clenched on the bed’s frame, its coldness felt like the only real thing your drugged mind could process.

Doctor’s words were filling the room, but they were muffled as if they were coming from behind a barrier. Falling from such height...extreme luck...no broken bones…head trauma...internal bruising....

Was all that talking really necessary? Yeah, you were battered, all right. And it seems that even with painkillers the weird throbbing, like a morse code from your bruised cells, was about to stay with you for a little while.

...just like the darkness.

The more the doctor spoke, the more it became clear that they didn’t have any definite answers for you. Seemed like the day spent on being prodded, stabbed with needles, and tossed into various machines resulted in nothing more than a verdict: optic nerve injury.

As for what were you supposed to do now--

“Let me get this straight, doctor,” you said, slowly losing patience. “Your only solution now is: let’s wait and see what happens?”

Drumming fingers against a piece of plastic, followed by a sigh.

“Yes. There is no effective treatment, we could try a high dosage of corticosteroids, but there is no evidence that it’s gonna make any difference, really. And as some recovery may spontaneously occur within days or weeks--”

Weeks.

A cold shiver ran down your spine and you swallowed with effort.

And that was a maybe.

You just wanted to go home.

“Grand,” you cut in, “please tell me I can wait for that possible joyful occurrence anywhere else but here.” You aimed for a lighter tone, but every word coming out of your mouth was dripping with bitterness. Grimacing at your own attitude, you forced a weak smile to appear on your face. “No offense, doc.”

“None taken,” the doctor said with a snicker. “I get it.” A short pause filled with a rustling of paper. “With all the tests done, I don’t think we need to keep you here for observation any longer, but I’d recommend you weren’t alone for the next few days. Do you have anyone to take care of you after we discharge you?”

“I don’t need--”

Neil’s firm voice overlapped with yours.

“Yes, she has.”

You huffed, startled. And a bit annoyed.

You almost forgot Neil was in the room, but to be fair, you were quite sure he’d never left your side since you woke up. His initial nervous chatter got replaced by a silent presence, always ready to jump in should you needed anything - no matter if it was a glass of water or an arm to lean on. It was all comforting, endearing even, and you were so grateful to have him around, but the thought of having Neil in your apartment triggered an irrational panic.

Instead of dwelling on the roots of the anxiety, you decided to over-talk it.

“Neil, I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be okay, and you surely have better things to do than babysitting me.”

“I don’t.” Was that a hint of hurt in his voice? “Doctor, can you discharge her even if she is gonna be alone out there?”

“I’d rather she spent at least one more day here then.”

Unbelievable. You rolled your eyes, hoping it would make the same effect as always, and groaned. “Fine, you win, only because I want nothing else but to sleep in my own bed tonight.”

“Excellent,” said the doctor cheerfully, “I’ll get the forms and come back to you soon.”

“Thank you, doc,” you sighed, hanging your head in defeat.

After spending enough time with a person, it was always easy to recognize them by the way they walk. That’s how you knew it was Neil who approached you, ever so hesitantly.

And only because of a brush of his fingers against your hand you realized you were still clinging onto the bed frame.

“Hey, I’ll just help you set up everything you need there, all right?” he said quietly and you felt him sitting down next to you. “You’re gonna have all the space you want, and as soon as you decide it’s too much, I’ll get out of your hair, I promise.”

He must have noticed that little panic of yours, huh?

“I didn’t mean it like that.” You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to form a coherent thought. “It sounds good though, thank you.”

“Sure thing.” Neil shifted slightly. “How are you feeling?”

You shrugged and grimaced. “I don’t know, but either I’ve slept through the best high or these drugs they gave me are kinda lame.” Hearing Neil’s light chuckle, you cracked a small smile. “Honestly? I’m knackered.”

He hummed with sympathy.

“Is there anything I can do for you now?”

The softness in his voice was more than your tired and dazed mind could handle. You leaned to the side and rested your head on his shoulder.

“Just… take me home,” you asked, forcing the words past your clenched throat.

Neil exhaled sharply and carefully wrapped an arm around you, pressing a cheek to the top of your head.

“Of course.”

------

“Welcome to my crib.”

“Thank you, it’s...” - Neil hesitated as he closed the door behind you - “...cosy.”

Patting the wall to your right, you located a small hook and hung the keys on it.

“That is certainly one word for it,” you snorted. “Why, what did you expect?”

“Frankly? Considering you’re such an... acclaimed locksmith, I imagined something… well, bigger, for starters.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the way he stumbled on words, trying so hard not to sound offensive in any way.

Grinning, you put on your most snobbish tone. “Ah, sorry to disappoint, all my gold, glitter, and general pizzaz got moved to one of my many summer houses as my spacious lair worthy of the most infamous thief is under renovation, so I was forced to retreat to my humble family place in this ghastly neighborhood.”

“Such a shame,” he said and a smile brightened his words. “I like it, though. Matches your vibe, somehow.”

“Because it’s small, detached, empty, yet somehow messy?”

Neil sighed in a way you were absolutely sure he was rolling eyes at you, then helped you with the coat. “It’s gonna take more than putting words in my mouth to make me want to leave you here all by yourself, you know.”

You were quite sure a dirty joke was hiding in there, but it eluded your tired brain.

“Damn, need to up my game then,” you giggled, leaning against the wall to take the shoes off without losing your balance. “Nah, I’m messing with you, I’m grateful you got me out of there. Can’t wait to rinse that hospital stench off of me.”

“Do you want me to run a bath for you?”

You mused over the idea for a moment, “Thanks, I’ll take a shower - two minutes tops and I’d end up asleep in the ‘tub.” Probably even faster, considering that you already were running on fumes. “Anyway, make yourself at home, gonna grab some fresh clothes.”

Neil was not willing to give up.

“I’ll get you--”

“I’ve got this,” you uttered, instantly hating yourself for how harsh it came out, so you quickly added, “But would you please put the kettle on?” sending an apologetic grimace along with your words.

“On it.”

He seemed happy to have something to do. Or at least sounded like it as he took the crackling grocery and takeaway bags to the kitchenette.

You walked across the room with confidence, your hand reluctantly extended ahead on your waist level just in case you miscalculated the route to the bedroom. When you reached the door frame, you smiled to yourself. It wasn’t that hard, was it? Almost like going to the bathroom at night, not willing to put the light on to avoid waking up, right?

And exactly then, your shin hit the edge of the bed footboard, the impact sending a searing wave of pain up your whole leg. You bit your knuckle to stifle a groan and a curse that was bound to follow. Every. Goddamn. Time.

The noises coming from the other room stopped, but luckily there was no question. Nor a hero coming to rescue you from the sudden and vicious attacks of furniture.

Finally, the closet. Your fingers ran through the folded clothes. Clean underwear. A soft t-shirt. Comfy pj pants. The fatigue was so severe that the term dress to impress didn’t even cross your mind. Not that Neil cared, right? But before you stepped back from the wardrobe, you hesitated, sliding your hands down to one of the bottom drawers. All that boring into nothingness was straining, and keeping your eyes closed all the time felt wrong, somehow. Might as well, you shrugged, pulling out a silky blindfold. Maybe this would trick your brain into thinking it was just a game. A temporary thing. Nothing serious.

...but what if--

You took a shaky breath and slammed the closet shut. Swallowing with effort, you took the clothes and limped out of the room, then followed the wall to the bathroom.

Neil’s concerned voice reached you halfway there.

“You okay?”

“Peachy,” you said and flashed your teeth in a strained grin.

“Let me know if you need anything, all right?”

A change of strategy, then. You certainly didn’t mind, at least this way it didn’t trigger the unnecessarily rude reaction. And you had a feeling that you were going to need a pair of eyes to take care of those bruises of yours.

...or you could just follow the radiating ache and slap some gel where it hurts most, but at this point, as the painkillers were slowly wearing off, it would probably be easier to just pour the whole tube on the tiles and roll over in it.

“Will do, thanks.”

You closed the door behind you and sighed. The undressing required an accompaniment of grunts, hisses and curses, and when you finally got into the shower (hitting yourself only once while doing so) you were all sweaty and panting as if you’d run up twenty flights of stairs.

You winced as the warm water poured over your body, but you couldn’t wait to get rid of the lingering smell of antiseptics. Using soap uncovered the injured spots with a burning precision, but you gritted your teeth and soldiered through it, changing position slightly so you wouldn’t cause more damage with shampoo and conditioner. Condemning your past self for choosing a matching set of hair products, you were forced to guess and pick one to pour a little bit of it on your hand to judge which is which based on the texture of the fluid. Why did you even bother…?

When you were done and more or less dry, you put on the panties and wrapped another towel around yourself. A slow thumping in your head was growing stronger by the minute, but it was still bearable. As for taking care of the bruises… you realized you didn’t even know where the arnica ointment was. You’d bought one on your way just in case, but that meant--

You groaned and rubbed an eye with the back of your hand. Help it was, then.

“Neil?” you called out, cracking open the door.

A sudden rumble of a chair made you cringe, but a corner of your mouth twitched.

“What is it?” he asked as his rushed steps carried him closer.

“Could you help me with putting something on the most banged-up spots, please?” - a sheepish smile crept on your lips - “I thought about just mixing some cream with my lotion and rubbing it all over, but--”

He scoffed as if the idea personally offended him. “Jesus, please don’t. I’ll be right back.”

Your legs seemed to weigh a tonne, but also started to shake as though they were about to give in any moment, so you sat back on the edge of a bathtub with relief.

Neil came back after a while and muffled clanking suggested he brought a full medkit with him. You waited as he washed his hands thoroughly, and you stifled an amused giggle at the dedication, even though it was nothing more but common sense.

Neil’s soft voice broke the silence. “I’m gonna take a look at those wounds first, but for that, I need to touch you, is it okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” you shrugged. “I imagine you can’t do plenty without that, huh?”

A light chuckle. “Fair enough.” And featherlike touches that followed.

Careful fingers examining every bruised inch of skin, starting from the freshly hurt shin, scraped knees, going up your thighs until they met the edge of the towel. Then, ghosting over your hands, unhurriedly moving up the forearms…

You realized your breath got shaky.

He tucked a still quite damp strand of hair behind your ear and his fingertips glided over your forehead and down your temple, traced your jawline up to your chin. His knuckles grazed your neck, then moved across your collarbones, but when they met the towel again, Neil hesitated.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before, right?” you joked playfully and untucked the corner of the towel, letting it slide down your body.

A sharp inhale and a slipped-out curse.

“Christ…” uttered Neil, and you were quite sure what he was referring to. Your hip pulsated with dull pain in the place where the oxygen container had been, or rather where it must have moved to during the escape, bruising the hip bone and surrounding area at the impact.

You forced a crooked smile to your face. “And here I was hoping it looked better than it felt.”

“I can always lie to you if you want,” he offered, aiming for a lighter tone.

Shaking your head, you nibbled on your bottom lip. Somehow, the sole thought of him lying to you seemed like a certain heartache.

“No.” Your voice sounded weak, but maybe that was understandable, given how powerless you felt overall. Or maybe you could stop being so pathetic any moment now.

You closed your eyes, and while you tried to parley with your brain to give you a break, Neil started meticulously treating your wounds, focused on not causing any more discomfort than it was needed. You switched all your attention to his ministrations, grimacing slightly from time to time as he was tending particularly sore spots. Neil’s warm fingers contrasted with the cold ointment, all the different sensations fought a merciless battle to take precedence over one another, making even more of a mess in your tired head.

You heard Neil shifting in front of you as he was about to move to your injured face. Acting on an impulse, you spread your legs to allow him to come closer, and so he did, positioning himself on his knees between your thighs without a word. Quite a concentration, you thought and smiled fondly to your memories of the times you’d seen him so committed to a task. Slightly furrowed brows, blonde strands falling into shining blue eyes, with a bottom lip tugged between the teeth...

A brief touch on your temple brought you back to reality and you gasped, reaching out to hold on to Neil to keep your balance. As you rested your hands on his sides, he gently cupped your face and continued with taking care of the bruises. It felt as if the warmth radiating from him was mending you whole, even more so when it got combined with tender, soothing brushes of Neil’s thumb against your cheek. You melted into his palm and exhaled slowly, dropping your shoulders and relaxing.

Before you could stop the words from spilling out, you said under your breath, “It was just a fall, I don’t know how it got that bad,” voicing the thought that’s been on your head all day.

Neil pulled back abruptly and the tranquil moment shattered like glass against the bathroom tiles.

“Are you being serious right now? Just a fall? You’re lucky you’re alive, goddamnit, let alone able to walk!” Disbelief mixed with anger in his tone, taking you aback. And to your surprise, it felt like yet another wound, inflicted right at your chest. “Y-you hit the wall before you crashed on the ground, you--” his voice broke and Neil sighed. You heard him packing the medkit, simply tossing things inside before he moved away.

“Oh,” was all you could say, reaching for the abandoned towel to wrap it over your shoulders, in a sudden and desperate need to cover yourself. In every way possible. “Remind me to tie a cat and a buttered slice of bread to myself the next time we do this.”

He didn’t respond to your poor attempt at lighting up the mood, instead, you heard the door handle, a deadpanned “I’ll heat up the food” and he was gone.

You had no idea where his reaction had come from. Normally, you’d have followed him straight away to confront him, but right then you felt so exhausted and helpless you just slouched in your spot, with your hands fisted on the towel, and sat like that for a while, leveling your breath. You mustered all the strength you had left, found your clothes and put them on. Then, you tied the blindfold, letting a piece of sleek material bring a shred of comfort and hide a pitiful glimmer in the corners of your eyes.

You joined Neil in the other room and sat at the table. He didn’t comment on your attire nor the choice of accessories, hell, he barely even spoke to you when he put the plate in front of you, as well as through the whole meal.

Even though you’d picked up your favourite comfort food on the way, it tasted bland, and with your stomach tied into a knot, you couldn’t force more than a few bites into your system. Judging by the sounds - or rather the lack thereof - coming from across the table, Neil’d lost his appetite too.

Finally, you cleared your throat, breaking the heavy silence. “I think I’m full,” you said and stood up, grimacing slightly.

“I’ll do the dishes, go lie down,” he said quietly. “Please.”

As if he anticipated an argument. You really had no energy for that.

“Thank you. Are you--...” you stumbled on the question, but Neil chimed in.

“I’ll be on the couch.”

...maybe it was for the best.

You nodded and turned on your heel to fetch a spare pillow and a blanket while Neil was occupied with the dishes. The ever-growing headache was becoming unbearable, but you hoped that the sweet arms of Morpheus would bring a much-needed release soon. You brushed your teeth quickly and mumbling “‘night,” you disappeared into the bedroom, leaving the door half open for god knows what reasons. Perhaps to make you feel less alone.

The plan of sleeping off the worst pain looked good on paper but proved to be too hard to execute. That bloody awful feeling of being tired beyond comprehension and still unable to doze off, right? You tossed and turned (although carefully), trying to find the most comfortable position. After a while, you took the blindfold off and curled on your side, staring into the nothingness again. Listening to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. Forcing every breath through your clenched chest. Trying to focus on anything other than neverending soreness.

You heard Neil’s footsteps and how they stopped right at your door. Stalling.

And you didn’t even try pretending you were asleep. Waiting.

“Hey... I wanted to check if you need anything before I turn in for the night.”

The softness of his voice was tainted by something as if he was holding back. But you were so glad to hear it anyway.

“Actually,” you said, propping yourself on the elbow and wincing, “could you bring me one of those fancy painkillers, please? I thought I might do without for a little while but-- ...yeah, not quite.”

“Of course, coming right up.”

When Neil was back, you sat on the bed, allowing him to hand you a glass and ...a shot glass? You shook the latter slightly and something rattled inside.

“Ah, okay, smart,” you smiled with recognition. “Thanks.”

“Don’t tell me you thought it was vodka?”

A hint of amusement in his tone made you snort.

“I can’t say I would mind,” - shrugging, you swallowed the pill and washed it down with cool water - “but this is gonna be more efficient, I guess.”

You shifted in your spot to put down both glasses on a bedside table. Neil was there to make sure you actually placed them on top of it, pushing your forearm gently when you were about to create a mess.

That light touch brought a lump back to your throat. As if the awkward silence wasn’t suffocating you enough.

“If that’s all…” said Neil quietly, taking a step towards the door.

But you reached out into the darkness and found his hand.

“Neil…” you squeezed his fingers, desperately trying to convey words that eluded you. Your plea was barely a whisper. “...stay?”

The pulse pounded in your ears as the stillness that followed seemed to last forever.

Then, Neil squeezed your hand back.

“I will,” he choked out, and his thumb grazed over your knuckles. “Be right back.”

You nodded and let go of his hand, not even sure that he could see your gesture, then moved to the other side of the bed. The held-back breath escaped in a shudder as another wave of pain overrode your senses, leaving a trail of cold sweat down your spine.

A faint tock of the light switch in the other room, then footsteps and a pillow landing next to yours. Neil snuggled down, keeping his distance, and you curled again in your spot, hoping that his proximity will calm you down enough to fall asleep. But as you said your goodnights and Neil’s breath leveled and got deeper, you still waited on the pills to start working, getting more and more lost in your own head and thoughts you’d managed to keep lidded on until now.

Because if only you’d cracked that safe faster. Or maybe if you’d discussed that escape route beforehand, somebody would have found a better path through the roofs. No, scratch that, the plan was tight, and it was your goddamn fault that you’d gotten distracted by a sodding rain, of all things. And that jump? Bloody amateur hour. Should have seen that coming, stepped to the side, or caught onto anything. You’d been granted a second chance at that wall. But no, you’d had to panic like a bush-leaguer, as if it had been your first fall in your life. And now you were lying there, feeling sorry for yourself. Abso-fucking-lutely pathetic.

What if Madame Karma finally decided to make you pay? What if you were never going to get your sight back? A warm tear trickled down your face slowly. No more free runs and adrenaline rushes while taking shortcuts through the most obscure places. No more lying on the rooftops to observe how the sky changes colours through the night. No more sitting on the hill and watching how the sun reflected in the river. How it danced on that messy blonde hair. You would never see his blue eyes lighting up again--

Your chin trembled as the tears stained your pillow. It felt as if you were nothing but pain, fear, and heartbreak. Pressing your lips together, you stifled a sob that shook your body mercilessly. You were nothing.

“What’s wrong?”

You wanted to brush it off, to tell him you were okay and he could go back to sleep. But instead, you sniffled and whimpered, unable to pass any word through your tightened throat.

Neil gasped and placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, hey, come here,” he said softly as his fingers pressed lightly onto your back, urging you to move and you shifted into his embrace, clenching your fists on his t-shirt, struggling for every breath. “I’ve got you, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay,” he cooed, wrapping the arms around you gingerly. A much-needed reassurance whispered over and over again like a plea to anyone who could be listening.

Weeping quietly into Neil’s chest, you sought refuge in his closeness, clinging onto him as he held you and stroked your hair, waiting for the worst to pass. Soon, you ran out of tears, and there were just sobs, convulsing you whole like a heart-wrenching hiccup. Neil hugged you a little tighter, placed a small kiss on top of your head, and started humming, a melody barely more than a murmur. It felt familiar, but why?

By and by, the song and a steady heartbeat against your cheek weaved together and calmed your racing mind. Enough to finally let you drift off, with Neil’s soothing voice and warmth enveloping you, bringing comfort and hope for a better tomorrow.

-----

You should have known better than to expect something to be different when you woke up. Swallowing down the disappointment and resignation, you dug yourself up from under the covers. The pain dialed down, but was very much there, especially during sudden moves.

Maybe you would feel better if you washed your face, still a bit puffed after all that--

…oh shit.

Your brain halted, torn between making you cringe and spreading the warmth through your chest. If you were to survive the day, the key was not to think about what happened last night. At least you didn’t have to look him in the eyes, huh? Armed with a smile, albeit a bit sour, you grabbed some clothes on your way out and ventured into the quiet living room.

“Neil?”

For a split second you were sure he was gone, but--

“Over here.” Judging by the sound of it, here was somewhere near the couch. “How are you feeling?”

Concern. Obviously. He’d seen you at your worst, so there was no point in hiding your state.

“Like I’ve spent some time inside a cement mixer,” you sighed. “But better, thanks. What time is it?”

“Almost 3 o’clock.” A faint thud of a book being put down. “Are you hungry? I was about to fix something.”

It was a good moment for your insides to growl in confirmation, but at least this time your body decided to spare you. Although your stomach was pretty much cleaving to your backbone, all right.

“Oh yes, please.” You smiled with appreciation and raised a hand with a bundle of clothes. “I’ll join you in a minute.”

That minute took a little longer, as your mobility was still pretty lacking, but fresh as a (beaten-up) daisy, in a comfortable outfit and a blindfold, you followed your nose to the kitchenette.

“Smells delicious.”

A soft chuckle came through the sizzling. “Hope it tastes good as well, wanna try?” When you nodded, you heard Neil walking up to you. “Open your mouth, careful - it’s hot.”

You recognized the rich flavor as some variation of the Napoli sauce, perfectly balanced, and you could only hum in approval. Where the hell had he gotten those herbs from?

“It’s amazing,” you said, but couldn’t resist a little smirk, “or I’m just starving.”

Neil scoffed lightly. “Might be that.” There was a smile and a hint of pride in his tone, and it made you beam a little wider. “Come sit down.”

When you did, and a bowl of pasta landed in front of you on the table, your mind involuntarily went back to last evening. That tension. Sudden distance. Everything after that. What was worse, it seemed like you weren’t the only one thinking about it, because the silence that fell between you now grew heavy with unresolved issues lingering in the air.

But maybe you were misreading the room and you were fine.

“Listen, about yesterday--”

...or not.

Instead of letting Neil finish, you panicked, and before you could stop yourself, you used his moment of hesitation to blurt out, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I was exhausted and everything hurt and--” you frowned and hid the face in your palm. The shame felt like a tightening ring around your chest, making it hard to breathe. ”I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“Wait, what?” huffed Neil, his voice filled with consternation. ”Jesus, no, that’s not what I meant, I--” he faltered and groaned, then added more softly, “Why are you even apologizing for that?” And when you shook your head, unable to find the right words, Neil gently touched your arm, rubbing it up and down slowly. “I’m glad you weren’t alone.”

Your heart clenched with fondness as you palmed over his hand.

“Thank you for being there for me.”

A twist of the wrist and a light squeeze on your fingers.

“Of course.”

Like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

After a moment, you asked quietly, “If it isn’t about that, then what?”

A loud buzz cut through the air, the unexpected noise almost making you jump in your seat. Impeccable timing.

Neil picked the vibrating phone from the table. “It’s work, I have to get that.” His hand was still holding yours, reluctant to let go. “If I’m not done by the time you finish eating, two words: bed rest.”

“May I make it a couch rest, doc?” you grinned, and by the resigned sigh you could tell Neil definitely rolled his eyes at you.

“Just make yourself comfy and horizontal, all right?” A final brush of his thumb against your fingers and he was up, walking off from the table. “Hi, what’s up?”

Whatever they needed him for, it took so much time that you finished your meal and obediently moved to the couch. That unfinished talk left you anxious enough to nervously pick at the edge of the blanket, but as Neil was still lost in a hushed conversation, and the aforementioned blanket was way too cosy, you slowly drifted off into a dreamless nap.

You weren’t sure what woke you up - a shift on the other side of the couch, or a heavy sigh, one of those signaling the weight of the whole world on somebody’s shoulders. Hearing the latter was enough to wipe the remains of sleep from your system and you sat up, grunting slightly.

“What is it?”

Another sigh.

“I’m an idiot.”

You puffed your cheeks and shrugged, a corner of your mouth twitching in a nervous smile.

“Before I let out a purposeful no and kick you - why are you saying that?” Silence. “...Neil?” When the answer was not coming for too long, you moved to your knees, reaching out until you touched his shoulder. No reaction. Trying to keep a rising worry at bay, you urged him quietly, “Talk to me, please.”

Neil inhaled slowly and he finally spoke, his voice barely there.

“I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” you asked, knitting your brows together as you brushed your hand down his arm only to find his clenched fist, tightening even further under your touch.

“For yesterday, for letting it out on you, when you were just--” he paused to swallow audibly, and then continued, blurting out one strained word after another, “and all of that while this whole mess is my goddamn fault because if I hadn’t hesitated out there, we both would have made it in time--”

“No, no, no, you can’t do that to yourself,” you said, crawling into his lap and nestling between his legs, wrapping yours around his waist. “It was a perfectly normal reaction.” The pulse thumped in your ears when you placed one hand on Neil’s chest and the other one travelled up along his neck to cup his face. Then your thumb glided over a wet trail on his cheek and it felt as if your heart shattered into a million pieces. Oh please, no. “My darling...” you whispered, but it was as if Neil barely acknowledged you were there, trembling and lost.

He pressed his forehead to yours and continued, traces of dread ringing in his hollow tone more and more with every choked-out sentence.

“When I turned back and I saw that--….at first, I thought you’d been shot, then you fell and-- suddenly all I could think was if your oxygen container was intact, or--... I called the Cavalry on the way down but I was so scared I was too late, I thought--” his voice broke and you felt him frowning as he shuddered, struggling to carry on. “I thought that you were gone, and I didn’t--”

His heart raced under your palm while you kept stroking his cheek, consoling him softly, “Neil, I’m here, it’s all right, I’m here.” But when that didn’t seem like enough to bring him back to you, you reached to his neck to pull him closer and kissed him, desperate to make him stop spiralling down. To make him stop hurting.

A muffled whine against your lips. But then you felt him melt and he kissed you back, still helpless, wrapping his arms around you carefully as if he expected you to fall apart under his touch. Not quite there. You deepened the kiss purposefully, burying your hands in his hair, tugging at the strands as you pressed yourself to him as much as you could in your position. You didn’t care about your own pain or discomfort. If any of you were meant to be lost in any way, it might as well be this. Neil gasped and lifted you up so you properly straddled him, then tightened the embrace, clinging on to you for dear life as he captured you in another kiss, and this time it was his turn to try to convey the unbearable mixture of despair, relief, and immense longing. All of that poured into this simple act of devotion until there was nothing but pure need. To touch and to be touched. To hold and to be held. To be close. To be wanted. To be found.

A breathless moan escaped your mouth and Neil pulled back ever so slightly.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly, his fingertips gliding over your features.

Oh, how much you missed looking into his eyes.

The fact that he cared, without simply going ahead with it, made your chest clench with fondness. At this point, you trusted him beyond reason, although it was still nice to hear it.

“I’m not made of glass,” you huffed, nuzzling his nose.

A low hum and a trail of kisses along your jawline. You shivered when his lips reached a spot just below your ear and then smiled against your skin.

“Are you sure?” his husky voice was playful, but you knew he was double-checking.

“Try me.”

That moment was not about chasing the high. It was about feeling each other. Being with one another. As close as possible. That couldn’t wait, and neither could any of you, tugging at the clothes in random order with urgency.

Neil looped his arm around your shoulders, settling you on your side in his embrace. Keeping you steady. Safe. Close. And even though his kisses were desperate and leaving you winded, his touch was gentle, and you knew the blue eyes were watching you attentively, ready to react to the smallest sign of discomfort. But also to any encouragement to go further.

A hitched breath. A leg hooked on his hip. Fingers dragged across his back.

He was ready to give you everything and take whatever you were willing to offer. And you wanted to do the same for him until everything else lost its meaning and it was just you and him, and the fire that burned inside you. Searing every nerve. Cleansing the doubts. Numbing the pain. Lighting up the darkness. And, in the end, bringing resolution as you both came undone, moaning and gasping for air only to be comforted by hands cupping cheeks and yet another kiss. Slow. Tender. Full of admiration.

When Neil drew back and shifted slightly, you whined in protest, wrapping your leg around him tighter to keep him in place.

“Where are you going?”

A quiet chuckle, followed by a feeling of a soft blanket sliding over your naked body. And a kiss on the tip of your nose.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

You sighed with content as Neil pulled you closer again. The light stubble scratched your fingers as they studied the impossible angles of his face unhurriedly.

“Good.”

(next chapter ->)

[aion-rsa]

All Things Must Pass Remaster Brings Out George Harrison’s Voice

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

A new remaster of George Harrison’s All Things Must Pass highlights why it was such an important record. Not just as an album, but of the time it was made. Besides the lead guitarist for the biggest act in showbiz history, it boasted players and a producer who each made an impact on the course of modern music. It’s been celebrating its 50th anniversary for a while now and it’s earned it. It was the first triple album by a single artist in rock history (the Woodstock concert album, released six months earlier, included a compilation of acts), and set the standard for longer long-playing albums.

Harrison set quite a few standards, including the first rock benefit project, The Concert for Bangladesh. As the Beatles guitarist, he demonstrated melodic and harmonic possibilities which hadn’t been explored in rock and roll, often changing the entire feel of songs with a single riff. As their in-house tonal experimentalist, his sitar-led songs didn’t just use the eastern stringed instrument as an exotic guitar. They captured the structure, atmosphere, tonality and shifting rhythms of Eastern music. The opening of “Love You To” can barely be classified as western commercial music, but had a universal appeal. As the band’s somewhat lesser-known songwriter, Harrison composed musical standards which eclipsed even the mighty songwriting team of John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The consistent hitmakers made for a competitive compositional atmosphere in the band. “I had such a lot of songs mounting up that I really wanted to do, but I only got my quota of one or two tunes per album,” Harrison admitted on The Dick Cavett Show in 1971. Even after a new arrangement was worked out for the group’s output, Harrison had quite a backlog of songs when the Beatles broke up. At least two of the best known songs from All Things Must Pass were written in 1966.

While still in the Beatles, Harrison released Wonderwall Music, which was a soundtrack to a film, and Electronic Sound, which saw him as one of the early experimenters on the synthesizer. According to the press statement for the remaster, George, along with Ringo Starr and bassist Klaus Voorman recorded fifteen songs at EMI Studios on the first day, May 26, 1970. The demo included “What Is Life,” “Awaiting on You All,” and “My Sweet Lord.” The next day Harrison played 15 more songs for co-producer Phil Spector, who covertly recorded them. The songs “Everybody, Nobody,” “Window, Window,” “Beautiful Girl,” “Tell Me What Has Happened to You,” “Nowhere To Go,” and “Don’t Want To Do It” never made the album. The whole session did come out on the bootleg Beware of ABKCO set.

The 50th Anniversary re-issue of All Things Must Pass includes versions of “Mother Divine,” and “Cosmic Empire,” which have never been officially released. The official music video reveals “Cosmic Empire” as a melodically catchy piece, with an instantly recognizable acoustic guitar run, and a change into a deep blues false ending.

You can see the video here:

The Wall of Sound

The deluxe 50th Anniversary Edition is executive produced by Harrison’s son Dhani, and his first order of business was to pull back on Spector’s reverb-heavy production. Spector was the man Lennon brought in to produce the song he’d written for breakfast, wanted to record for lunch and have out for supper: The Plastic Ono Band single “Instant Karma!,” which Harrison played on. Spector also produced the final mix of the Beatles’ Let It Be, as well as Lennon’s Plastic Ono Band and Imagine albums.

Spector was a legend in the studio. He created the “Wall of Sound” with the top session players of the early 1960s, and Harrison tasked him with doing it again with the current cream of the musical crop. This included two of out of three members of the band Cream. Ginger Baker drums on a jam, and Eric Clapton’s guitar gently weeps all over All Things Must Pass. Crying on the inside over his unrequited love for George’s wife Pattie Boyd Harrison, Eric was getting ready to wail about her on Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs. Harrison co-wrote “Badge” with Clapton for Cream’s Goodbye album, and played on Derek and The Dominos’ debut single, “Tell The Truth” backed with “Roll It Over.” Spector recorded it. It went so well, much of the band stuck around to be bricks in the contemporary Wall of Sound.

“Phil was in full control of this whole bunch of musicians playing,” Voorman remembers in Simon Leng’s book, While My Guitar Gently Weeps. “We played all at the same time – we didn’t record one on top of the other; it was all six people playing acoustic guitars and five keyboard players playing the piano all at once. It was crazy!”

The Players

To fill seats in the rock orchestra, Harrison dipped into the players he’d been on stage with since the waning days of the pre-breakup Beatles. Harrison, credited as “Mysterioso,” toured with Delaney & Bonnie and Friends. He was a backing guitarist beside Clapton, in a band which included Dave Mason, Bobby Whitlock, Carl Radle, Jim Gordon, and Leon Russell, who would prove invaluable for The Concert for Bangladesh.

Also called in for sessions were Procol Harum’s Gary Brooker, Badfinger’s Pete Ham, Tom Evans and Joey Molland; Spooky Tooth’s Gary Wright, sax player Bobby Keys; and trumpeter Jim Price. Besides Starr and Gordon, drums and percussions were played by Alan White, who was then the drummer for the Plastic Ono Band and would go on to drum for Yes, and Phil Collins. Peter Frampton played guitar on much of the album. Nashville player Pete Drake played pedal steel. Drake pioneered the use of the talkbox, and Frampton caught it first-hand during sessions before using it as the hook for his hit “Show Me the Way.” John Barham, a pianist and arranger who had worked with Harrison’s sitar guru Ravi Shankar, wrote orchestral scores.

Keyboardist and longtime Beatle associate Billy Preston is a major influence on the album. All Things Must Pass is a spiritual celebration. Harrison set up a small altar in the studio, and devotees of the Hare Krishna movement brought the players vegetarian food. Harrison was as much a spiritual student as a musical one of sitar maestro Ravi Shankar. The same could be said of Preston.

The Songs

Harrison made a special study of the structure and composition of gospel music for his work with soul singer Doris Troy, who he produced and co-wrote songs with. He delved further to co-produce Preston’s fourth studio album That’s The Way God Planned It, and wrote “What Is Life” for it. George also co-produced Preston’s fifth album Encouraging Words, which came out two months before All Things Must Pass, and included versions of the title track and “My Sweet Lord.”

You can hear several versions of the Beatles running through “All Things Must Pass” on bootlegs. Though not as many passes as the famously unreleased “Not Guilty” got. It might have been too pointed a self-reference for the group to deal with. The title comes from a passage of chapter 23 of the Tao Te Ching: “All things pass, a sunrise does not last all morning. All things pass, a cloudburst does not last all day.” It is more philosophical than spiritual, but is as uplifting as its chordal ascension. “Beware of Darkness” is lyrically devotional and cautionary, but its structure is a mystery of faith. It’s all over the place harmonically, as the key aimlessly wanders into melodic transcendence.

“Awaiting On You All” is one of the most blatant spiritual proclamations of the album. It describes Japa Yoga meditation, the repetitive chanting of a mantra, which is mystical energy itself, inside sound. “Chanting the names of the Lord and you’ll be free,” explains the lyrics. Though Harrison does get in a dig at the Catholic Church. “While the Pope owns fifty one percent of General Motors, and the stock exchange is the only thing he’s qualified to quote us,” the last verse opens. Harrison’s deep understanding of the spiritual music he was producing was most fully realized on the album’s most recognizable song.

“I thought a lot about whether to do ‘My Sweet Lord’ or not, because I would be committing myself publicly and I anticipated that a lot of people might get weird about it,” Harrison wrote in I Me Mine. Towards the end of the Delaney & Bonnie tour in December 1969, Harrison heard and fell in love with Edwin Hawkins’ piano-driven, modern gospel rendition of the 18th century hymn “Oh Happy Day.” Inspired by the joyful energy, Harrison wanted to merge the buoyantly devotional “Hallelujah” invocations with the “Hare Krishna” Maha Mantra of the Hindu faith. The subconscious mix evoked some not-so-instant karma when Harrison was sued for “unconscious plagiarism” by the royalty owners of The Chiffon’s “He’s So Fine,” which could be interpreted as a devotional invocation.

“My Sweet Lord” is also the song which best establishes and exemplifies Harrison’s signature, post-Beatles, slide guitar playing.

The album’s opener, “I’d Have You Anytime,” was co-written with Bob Dylan when Harrison spent the Thanksgiving 1968 weekend at Dylan’s home in Woodstock. They also co-wrote the song “When Everybody Comes to Town.” Harrison played on Dylan’s April 1970 New York City sessions for the album New Morning, performing uncredited on several songs, including “If Not for You,” the second of All things Must Pass’ vagabond troubadour trilogy. Dylan had spent a lot of time off the road after his motorcycle crash of 1966. Harrison encouraged the reclusive artist to make his comeback performance at the Isle of Wight festival in 1969. “Behind That Locked Door,” which comes later on the album, is part of that encouragement.

The Beatles passed on including “Isn’t It a Pity” on Revolver, so George gifts us with two fully realized versions of it for All Things Must Pass. The 50th Anniversary box set includes an even more “downtempo version,” with Nicky Hopkins on piano. “Wah-Wah” was the first song recorded for the album, which is fitting because it was written on the day Harrison walked out of the “Get Back” sessions. It’s a great, angry song, in the tradition of “Taxman,” though not as pointed as Lennon’s “Sexy Sadie,” or “How Do You Sleep,” which Harrison played on. “Let It Down” has some great vocal backing by Clapton and Whitlock.

Hearing Clapton’s opening guitar screams squeezed through his wah-wah on “Art of Dying” makes you wonder how the Beatles rejected it in 1966. Although the lyrics George brought to the band at the time might have sealed its fate: “There’ll come a time when all of us must leave here, then nothing Mr. Epstein can do will keep me here with you,” Harrison admitted singing at his bandmates in I Me Mine. “Art of Dying” is the hardest Harrison rocks on the album and Spector lets the band explode. Coming after the intimately amorous “I Dig Love,” it is suspense reincarnate. Listen for Phil Collins’ bongos on the remix.

Harrison brought “Hear Me Lord” to the Beatles when they were recording at Twickenham Film Studios in January 1969. It is as confessional as anything Lennon cops to on his debut album Plastic Ono Band, but primal in an entirely different way. “Apple Scruffs” is Harrison’s personal gift to the group of fans which used to camp outside the Apple Corps offices for a glimpse of the four when they was fab. Performed live by a solo George with Beatles roadie Mal Evans tapping along, it is acoustic fun with a wild and wayward harmonica.

The Jams

But not as much fun as the band had after Spector went to bed for the night. Harrison initially thought it would take just two months to record the album, but had to take a break in the middle to care for his mother, Louise, who was ill with cancer in Liverpool. Louise bought George his first guitar and encouraged all things musical, including allowing the early Beatles to rehearse at their house. She passed away in July 1970. 

Bored with the lag time, Spector was drinking heavily, bracing himself with Cherry Brandy just to sit in the booth, and ultimately breaking his arm in a fall. He left the sessions in July 1970, and Harrison produced overdubs at London’s Trident Studios and Apple Studios. But most of the album’s backing tracks were recorded onto eight-track tape at Abbey Road, with the musicians normally playing live.

When Spector left the studios, Harrison and the other musicians would jam into the early hours. “Thanks For the Pepperoni,” pulls the toppings off Chuck Berry riffs. It was recorded along with “Plug Me In” on July 1, 1970, with Harrison, Clapton and Dave Mason on guitars, Radle on bassr, Whitlock on keyboards, and Jim Gordon on drums. “Out Of the Blue” must get its title from how it comes in. It sounds like the band was in the middle of a fun run, and someone rushed to turn on the tape. But listen for Voorman’s lead guitar part.

“I Remember Jeep” is named for Clapton’s dog, and Preston and Baker bring out the jazz while Harrison’s Moog playing breaks traditions. “It’s Johnny’s Birthday” is a mockup of Cliff Richard’s song “Congratulations,” which the band warbled to Lennon for his 30th birthday. These afterhours jams were the kinds of musical driftwood routinely collected by bootleggers before box sets made them standard extras.

Demos and extra tracks, like “Mother Divine” or “Nowhere to Go,” underscore the greatest flaw of the original album: George’s vocals. Even gruff, weak and not-yet-familiar with the songs, Harrison’s voice is a beautifully emotive instrument. During their solo careers, he and Lennon drenched their voices with effects. Even Spector complained in production notes how Harrison’s voice is buried on too many songs. The new mix brings the voices forward. It doesn’t completely take away the reverb, because some of it is artistically correct, like the slap back echoes which evoke a specific sound. It is very well used on “Going Down to Golder’s Green,” an outtake which finds Harrison channeling his inner Elvis. One of the deluxe editions of the All Things Must Pass reissue includes a 96-page scrapbook evoking the time.

The album cover shows Harrison at home in Friar Park. Photographed by Barry Feinstein, George is surrounded by four garden gnomes, which could be taken as an in-joke on his days with the Beatles. All Things Must Pass was released Nov. 27, 1970, as a triple vinyl album. To accommodate the extra disc, Tom Wilkes of Camouflage Productions designed a box with a hinged lid, similar to the packaging of classical music and operas. It is presciently fitting, as the record is a modern masterwork of a timeless artist.

All Things Must Pass 50th Anniversary Edition will be available on Aug. 6.

The post All Things Must Pass Remaster Brings Out George Harrison’s Voice appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3fmed7Y

[missmillyashford]

Eight Hundred Eyes Are Better Than One - Reaction

I should have done this a long time ago but I just reread this chapter and reacted to it as I went if you’re interested @anbu-legacy

Because I’ve had a grudge against canon Jiraiya for so long it’s been an interesting but slow process of adjusting to this (better) version of him where his awful traits either don’t exist or are slightly more subdued, and traits I could actually appreciate are more emphasized. And saying that, I love this image of this giant, flamboyant man being so unsubtle about his summons that he just wakes up not just Kakashi but his entire FLOOR. Nice one. This man is a spy theoretically and I love that juxtaposition. At least it makes it easy to let Ryouma know they’re leaving.

“Dodomeki?” he said quietly. 

Boyfriends, Kakashi reflected, were supposed to be reassuring. “I’ll bring you an eyeball,” he promised. 

“Gross.” 

This reminds me of that time Kakashi found a weird creepy bug in that one cave during the kiri mission and instead of leaving it be like a normal person he decides to pick it up and bring it all the way back to the team to scare Ryouma with it. I always find it super funny when Kakashi pulls stuff like this, terrorizing his poor teammates with gross unwanted show and tell. I personally would love a gift like that, though. I am totally someone who would probably keep particularly interesting animal body parts preserved in a jar somewhere in my house because I find anatomy and physiology interesting. I once had the opportunity in one of my university classes to hold a horse’s brain and was quite enthralled. I just wanted a good look at it and was really curious what it would feel like.

“Just bring yourself home safe.” 

“Always do,” Kakashi said, which was mostly true. “Captain, too.” 

I’m reacting to this on a reread so hahaaaaaaa. Nice one, Kakashi. Your poor hands.

I would say I can’t believe that Kakashi actually WENT INTO THE ROOM to wake up Raidou and Genma, but this is Kakashi, so I can. He could have just knocked on the bedroom window, or just gone to the door, like a person with basic social skills and a modicum of decency. Kids these days. No respect for the general concept of privacy. Sheesh. Boundaries. I’m glad I’m not them. I will admit that I laughed though.

Raidou jerked, sat up wildly, and blurted, “What the hell?” 

“Taichou,” Kakashi said, with a little wave. 

Genma exhaled, tweaked the sheet so that it covered Kurenai more fully, then sat up — a much smoother operation. “Hatake,” he said tightly, visibly trying for calm. 

“Lieutenant,” Kakashi said. And, for good measure: “Yuuhi. Well done.” 

Asdfghgfds. This bastard. I love and hate him. DK is always so good at this sort of humour with Kakashi and it never fails to get me.

I feel bad for Genma and Raidou and Kurenai right now though because they didn’t even get to TALK properly the next day after getting together before Raidou had to leave.

Kakashi felt his spine stiffen. Reflexive, pointless defense of his parents, who had raised him on legends and myths, told in the few quiet moments between everything else. 

I really love the callback to Don’t Fear the Dark. It’s really interesting when we get little glimpses at what Sakumo was like, and what his family was like before it fell apart. The defensiveness about it has my heart hurting, because it’s one of the few tiny pieces he still has of his father. Speaking of Sakumo, mythology/legends, and Don’t Fear the Dark, I remember that there were traditional masks of demons and things in their home. For a very long time I’ve been very curious to see what the Hatake estate looks like, and what other personal items from Sakumo and their life before are still there. Here’s to hoping we’ll get to see it one day?

I like how these legends have been woven into the worldbuilding too.

Usagi thumped him on the shoulder. “Better dodge, then. We’ll bring some of her scrapings back in a jar for the lab.”

Genma would probably appreciate some jar-scrapings, though. 

Genma’s my type of person. I appreciate him.

I’m really enjoying getting to know a little more about the relationship dynamics of the members of team thirteen. Ginta and Usagi’s relationship is so fun.

I love Goya purely on the basis that she’s a badass archer lady with wicked aim and I feel like that’s understandable and valid.

While Raidou and Usagi bartered for shelter, and Jiraiya signed autographs for the goat herder’s starstruck daughter, Kakashi watched a handful of goat kids bounce back and forth over a fence with blithe disregard for its actual purpose.

The goats hopping over the fence makes such a great image. I adore Tarama the goat village, purely because of the goats. And the Katsuko callback.

I am weak to the characters being dumb reckless idiots experimenting with jutsu for science so I was LIVING for the thunderstorm Ginta-Kakashi shenanigans. I’ve also always loved thunderstorms so I might be extra weak to lightning users. Just casually detonating each other’s jutsu and hoping they don’t explode each other irreparably in the process. Good fun.

Actually getting so see Kakashi split lightning was so cool. We keep hearing about it in canon and legacy so to finally see it is so satisfying. I like the description of sharingan vision as “he tracked the bolt zig-zagging down as if it were made of syrup, oozing through superheated air, long, lethal fingers branching out towards them.” And I also particularly liked this line:

The lightning snapped towards him like a massive, elemental predator scenting blood. 

I am very amused:

In the dizzying aftermath, Kakashi had just enough time to think ow and awesome before the next strike threatened, and they both ran like hell for the village. 

Usagi’s childish glee is so great. And yeah, I feel both her reaction AND Raidou’s are pretty appropriate. But still, lol:

“When did you turn three hundred? Your rookie just did the coolest thing ever. Stop being miserable about it.” 

“You want him?” Raidou said. 

“Yes,” said Usagi instantly. “Hatake, you’re mine, get over here.” 

“Wait, no,” Raidou said. 

I’m glad Kakashi is being appreciated.

The conversation Raidou and Kakashi had about KureGenRai hook up was veeeeery interesting. I wasn’t expecting Kakashi to react so harshly. I guess it is hypocritical of Raidou to say what he said then do that, though Raidou has a point that it’s to protect rookies from senior officers. Lieutenants and Captains are different since they’re closer in rank. I’m guessing that Kakashi is kind of frustrated with how he and Ryouma have felt like they’ve had to keep their relationship secret for fear of getting in trouble, even if same rank liaisons are technically not against the rules, unwritten or otherwise. Because of Raidou’s whole boundaries thing and general testiness about that kind of thing?

I’m curious to see how keeping it a secret from Ryouma will go. How long will they even want to keep it from him, and if they do want to keep the secret how will Ryouma feel about both the relationship and Kakashi’s secret keeping once he finds out?

Another thing I’ll be curious to see is if this at all changes if Kakashi wants to keep his relationship with Ryouma secret still, and if so from who. I’d doubt it would since there are other factors but still. I am looking forward for when people find out, but at the same time I’ve been enjoying it being private. I think a temporary shared secret like this can feel kinda intimate so long as it doesn’t overstay its welcome. And we get scenes like Kakashi panicking and hiding in Ryouma’s bathroom while Ryouma clumsily lies and implies he may have hooked up with an Uchiha to evade arrest so that’s a bonus. I think being able to have their own relationship exist in isolation from judgements and comments from the outside allows them to take some pressure off their relationship, and gives them time to figure each other out and how to just be together unhindered. I can see why they’re doing this the way they are.

A mass grave. Whoever had dug it — Kusa ninja, most likely — had missed the small body on the hill. 

“Poor bastards,” Usagi said quietly. 

Kasumi, of all people, went back for the body. 

I like this detail about Kasumi.

“Now we track,” Jiraiya said. He gave a little wave in Kakashi’s direction. “Do the nose thing.” 

Some days, Kakashi didn’t feel entirely respected in his workplace. 

Loooool

It took two more days to even get close to the Dodomeki. For Kakashi, it was like living in dual headspaces — the clean, sleek arrowhead mind of a predator, and the disordered tangle of everything human. Team Thirteen, with their… themness. Jiraiya — firmly, unignorably himself. The discomfort of Raidou and the unhappy friction between them. No Genma to smooth down the rough edges. No Ryouma to distract with chatter or an unexpected, brilliant idea. 

I really liked this section for a couple reasons:

1)    I like how when certain members of the team are absent it highlights just how important they are to the entire team. Genma the vital lynchpin and mediator; Ryouma the emotional heart, friend, and innovator. I also appreciate that it’s not just their skillsets that are addressed either. They’re valuable for things like their kindness, level-headedness, and company.

2)    I love the acknowledgment of duality of Kakashi’s headspace and social interactions. The headspace required to do his job as a tracker vs. working as part of a team of antsy, ridiculous people are very different. The interactions he is going to be having with the wolfdogs that don’t even so much as speak human vs. his human coworkers are going to be very different too. Kakashi having an entirely different headspace with the dogs  to the point he actually separates it from being entirely human (like referring to “humans” as if it were a group he isn’t entirely part of) reminds me of all the way back to the thread Lost in the Dark when Raidou sees Kakashi speaking to the entire pack for the first time. He realizes Kakashi’s social skills have likely been influenced by his exposure to the dogs he grew up with. It was such an interesting revelation to me. This is the part I mean if you’re curious:

What followed was one of the strangest conversations Raidou had ever witnessed. Kakashi, with his economy of speech and movement that seemed so disjointed in human interaction, slotted into place as naturally as breathing. Raidou recognized that questioning head tilt echoed back by listening dogs; the silent, watchful glances that lingered a second beyond comfortable; the predatory edge polished like a fine weapon. Here, Kakashi’s hair and mask just looked like markings, no more notable than that shepherd’s black-tipped ears, or that hound’s white-ticked coat.

It explained a lot.

I really liked seeing Raidou defend Kakashi from Kasumi’s crochety and unjustified remarks. Progress!!! I’m proud.

I’ve probably said it before and I’ll probably say it again, but I always love your dialogue. There’s so much personality and liveliness in it. The banter is so entertaining. Usagi and Ginta especially right now.

I know the mythology the Dodomeki comes from is very different, but there is something about the descriptions of her that make me think a lot of what I felt watching the Netflix the Witcher series. Which might not mean anything to you if you haven’t seen it. Similarly horrifying and deadly and gross. It’s great.

The entire fight scene had my heart pounding. It was so intense and fast-paced. So many close calls and how fast she was was so terrifying. We just saw Kakashi with his sharingan so fast he was able to split a lightning strike in half, yet she’s so fast he can’t even hope to keep up. Fuck.

Abe had to chase him nervously around, attending to whatever bits of Jiraiya’s face he could reach, until the medic finally lost his temper and ordered Jiraiya to sit. 

I loved this.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about them theorizing about her sickly state, but I am very intrigued. I also love when little bits of real life actual science are incorporated in fantasy like this (ex. the mention of ketosis).

I am still very very worried for Kakashi’s hands. I suspect he won’t get out of this entirely unscathed even after treatment.

[andersd1]

Life Saver Chapter 1

WARNING

This story contains explicit language and sexual situations. Do not proceed if you are offended by such Content.

Daan took a quick look at himself in the mirror by the door. He didn’t need to be concerned about his hair as he kept it in a crop cut, no need for brushes, combs or gel. Taking a deep breath Daan breathed out and said, “Let’s do it”! Daan had accepted a job with the BSAA at their new compound. Daan was the new HR Liaison between HR and the military personnel. He would be helping connect personnel with benefits, resources, counseling and help with other issues. Even though Daan was not military, the BSAA would hire civilians for positions like this. Daan had a Master’s degree in Social Work and had taught Social Work for over ten years. It would be exciting to work with his friend and former student Samantha Nicks. Samantha had been one of his top students and the two became very fast friends.

  He had a meeting with Melanie Burden, the head of HR and also Daan’s friend. Daan had worked with Melanie at an agency before he started teaching. As Daan pulled up to the gate, he waited for the military guard to approach his car. “May I help you sir?” asked the guard. “Daan Anderson to see Melanie Burden in HR”. The guard asked for Daan’s ID and returned to the guard shack and made a call. A moment later the guard returned to the side of Daan’s car and returned his ID. “Follow this road to Quadrant A building and park in the green spaces”, the guard informed him. Daan smiled and proceeded down the road, “Quadrant A building” Daan repeated to himself. As Daan continued down the road he could see a structure coming into view, yet still far off.

  Daan did not know how enormous the structure was until he began to get even closer. “Jesus”, Daan said to himself. “This place is gigantic…shit”. Daan began to feels nervous, how would he ever find his way around in this place. Daan could see military personnel running in the fields and practicing what looked like combat routines. Daan seen a sign with an arrow pointing QUADRANT A BUILDING, so he followed the arrow to the left. Daan parked his car (making sure he was in a green space) and approached the door. Once through the door Daan was met by a soldier sitting at a desk. “May I help you sir”, the soldier asked. “Daan Anderson to see Melanie Burden in HR, I’m a new hire”. The soldier did not seem to interested and directed Daan to place his bag on the scanner belt, place his keys, wallet and phone into a small plastic container.

 He then directed him to step through the metal detector. Daan passed through without setting off the machine and collected his items and bag. The soldier standing in front of him handed him a temporary badge and instructed Daan to follow the hallway down to Office A-17. Daan gave a polite smile and proceeded down the huge hallway. The office doors were odd numbered on the left and even numbered on the right. A-13, A-15, Ahh, A-17. Daan opened the door and was greeted by the smiling face of Samantha Nicks. The two squealed like teenagers and immediately hugged. “OH MY GOD, I can’t believe we are going to be working together, I’m so excited that you are here”, stated Samantha. It was really good to see Samantha again, they haven’t been able to spend that much time together lately due to different work schedules.

 Daan and Samantha had met for lunch a few weeks ago and that’s when she told Daan about the new Job she had taken. “I just got hired at the BSAA to work in the HR department and there is another opening for a HR Liaison, Oh my god, you should totally apply”, stated Samantha. “What the hell is the BSAA”, asked Daan. “Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance”, stated Samantha. “And you work there, isn’t it a little… un-nerving” stated Daan. “Nah, we don’t deal with any of that stuff just HR related things”, said Samantha. “Besides, watching all those hot military guys running around, and carrying those big guns…mmm, mmm”, joked Samantha. “Maybe I should look into it”, stated Daan. Daan did look into it and applied, he was not sure if he would actually get the position, but he definitely needed a change.

 Daan loved teaching, and being on the advisory board for the county’s Social Service agencies, but it just wasn’t fulfilling as it used to be. It had only been six months since he called off the engagement with Max and gave his ring back to him. Max had lied and cheated, not to mention shattered Daan’s heart. No, this was exactly what he needed, a new job, a new location…a fresh start. “Mel is waiting for you in her office”, stated Samantha. Everyone had called Melanie “Mel” for short. Daan knocked on her office door and heard “Come in”. As Daan entered the office, Mel got up and came across the room to greet him with a huge hug. “Oh god it is so good to see you and to have you working with me again” said Mel. “Thanks again for the job Mel, I promise to live up to whatever standard you set”, stated Daan.

 “Of course you will, why do you think I hired you” teased Mel. As the two of them sat down to complete yet more paperwork Mel began to inform Daan about the compound. “Here is your security badge, since you are HR you will have more clearance than most others, you don’t have full clearance in the compound, but once you scan your badge you may also need to enter your personal code to gain access to more sensitive areas of the compound”, stated Mel. “Speaking of the compound, this place is freaking huge, how do you find your way around”, asked Daan. Mel reached inside her desk and took out something folded up. “Here” said Mel. “What is it”, asked Daan. “A map” said Mel with a laugh. Daan unfolded the map a little and was instantly panicked, he had never been good at following maps.

  “Couldn’t I just use the GPS on my phone”, Daan joked. “Not yet”, stated Mel, “They are still working on getting the satellite link up”. Daan sat looking somewhat befuddled as he was thought he was making a joke. Mel got up and walked over to a dry erase board and picked up one of the markers. “Okay, so each quadrant is about the size of a standard city block and contains three floors, there are four quadrants. Quadrant A which is where we are, it houses HR, IT, Admin, finance, two of the generals and the director Jill Valentine. Quadrant B houses the indoor training facility and cafeteria, feel free to use the indoor firing range or the gym and definitely avoid the cafeteria, the food is awful. Quadrant C is military personnel housing, there are also more housing available on the East side of the compound for military families.

  Quadrant D is the Infirmary and Research. They are still working on D Quadrant, they have been having some problems with the wiring or something like that. So basically the whole compound takes up four square city blocks. Each quadrant is connected by pass through's so you don’t have to go outside to access another quadrant. Oh and we do have carts that you can use if you don’t feel like walking. Overwhelmed yet, asked Mel. “It’s going to take some time, but nothing I can’t handle” stated Daan. “Good, your and Samantha’s office is on the second floor, and yes they are right next to each other” laughed Mel. Daan was very happy to hear this. “Samantha will show you where they are, Welcome aboard Daan. Samantha had hooked her arm inside of Daan’s as they walked down the hallway to their offices.

 She was very giddy and completely thrilled to be working with Daan. Daan notice a very attractive redhead in uniform coming from the opposite direction. The officer smiled and nodded to them both as he passed by. “GODDAMNNN, Daan whispered to Samantha and turned around to look in the man’s direction who was also looking back in Daan's direction. “I know, it’s like working in Candy Land” Samantha whispered back. Daan was definitely going to like working here. After getting somewhat settled into his new office, there was a knock at his door. Daan looked up and seen a man standing in his doorway. “Yes”, stated Dan. “Sir, I’m Private Williams from the IT department”, stated the young man as he saluted. “Oh you must be here to set up my laptop and network, and you don’t have to salute me, I’m not an officer, said Daan.

 “Yes sir, I mean no sir. I mean I am here to set everything up for you but your equipment will not be in until tomorrow, Sir. “O, well should I call you in the morning to check and see if it has arrived, or” stated Daan. “No sir, I will call you when everything has come in and set a time with you to complete set up, Sir”, stated the young soldier. “I see, okay well I guess I will see you tomorrow then”, stated Daan. “Sir, Yes Sir”, the young man started to salute but caught himself. With military precision the young man pivoted around strode away. Daan spent the rest of the afternoon reading manuals, policy and procedure guidelines for non-military personnel working with military personnel, the BSAA sure did like their rules. Samantha had taken Daan out for dinner and a drink to celebrate his first day.

  The compound was like its own town. There was a grocery store, a Café, bar/restaurant and so much more. As Daan sipped on his glass of Chardonnay and nibbled the great pizza he and Samantha chatted about future plans and all of the fun they were going to have together. When Daan arrived home he was exhausted. Daan looked around the room at all the boxes he had to yet unpack and put away. Instead Daan walked out on to his back porch and sat down and took in the scenery. His house set right up next to a forest in the back and he had a perfect view of the lake. As Daan lost himself in thought his mind wandered back to a time when he was happy…with Max. Why did he have to break Daan’s heart the way he did. Daan snapped out of the bad trip down memory lane and busied himself unpacking boxes.

  Daan met Samantha in the parking lot and walked in with her. As Daan sat in his office reading a report his desk phone rang. “HR Liaison Daan Anderson” stated Daan. “Sir, this is Private Williams with IT, I ‘m sorry to report to you that your equipment was not included in this morning’s shipment” stated the soldier. “Of course it wasn’t” Daan breathed. “I’m sorry sir, I did not hear you” said the soldier. “Nothing, it’s alright I understand. Please let me know when it does arrive”, said Daan. “Right away sir”, said the soldier and Daan hung up the phone. Daan heard a knock at his door and looked up to see Mel standing there. “Good morning, how are things going”, asked Mel. “Good, well my equipment did not arrive this morning so it looks like I will have to wait until tomorrow to get started”, stated Daan.

 Mel looked at Daan and suggested that he should visit the other quadrants and introduce himself instead of staying cooped up in the office. “That is a great idea, and it will give me the opportunity to learn my way around” said Daan. As Daan entered B quadrant he saw soldiers working out in the gym and smiled to which he received nods of acknowledgement. Daan went to the second floor where the firing range was but thought it a bad idea to try and get someone’s attention that was firing a weapon. Daan passed through C quadrant and did not want to knock on any of the doors seeing how this was people’s private quarters and Daan did not feel comfortable doing this. As Daan entered D quadrant he notice that some of the lights were flickering on and off, “must be the electrical problems Mel mention to me” he thought to himself.

 Daan saw two signs, one said INFIRMARY with an arrow pointing to the left and one that said RESEARCH with an arrow pointing to the right. Daan decided to start with Research. As he walked down the hall, he couldn’t help but notice how dim it was and then noticed that there were no windows, this kind of creeped Daan out a bit but he pressed on. Daan came to a set of stairs that descended down, he could see light at the bottom of the long staircase. Daan descended the stairs and walked into a large lab. The lab was filled with what looked like glass cubicles, some of them had metal tables in them and the lights were very bright. Daan heard voices coming from the back of the lab and followed them. When Daan reached the back of the lab he found the source of the voices, it was some kind of Comm system.

 Daan observed the lights and screens but had no idea what the hell he was looking at. Daan heard a noise coming from the ceiling, a sort of clicking noise and the lights began to flicker and then…darkness. Daan could not see anything except for the light coming from the Comm system. He could hear mechanical sounds but had no idea what it was, then suddenly the lights were back on. Daan breathed a sigh of relief and thought now would be an excellent time to get the hell of here. As Daan made his way back to the other side of the lab where the stairs were, he sees a glass door sliding shut preventing him from reaching the stairs. Daan runs to the door but is unable to budge it. He looks to the side of the door and sees a badge scanner and swipes his card but the door does not move, he tries again and again but the door will not open.

 Daan decides to call Samantha for help but realizes that he did not pick up his phone when he left the office. He decides to walk back to the Comm system to try and use it to call for help. Daan is almost half way across the lab when he hears an automated voice make an announcement. “HAYLOC System activated”, Daan’s heart drops. He knows that HAYLOC will remove all the oxygen from the area during a fire so the fire has no fuel to continue burning. Daan begins to run towards the Comm system. As he is running the sprinkler system begins to rain down water on him. “WHAT THE FUCK”, yells Daan? Daan reaches the Comm System and begins to push the call button and starts yelling into the speaker that he is trapped in the labs and needs help, no response.

 Daan sees a button on the Comm System that reads, “EMERGENCY DOOR RELEASE”. Daan pushes the button and begins to run back toward to door by the stairs. As he run’s he notices that the water is staring to raise in the lab and continues to run towards the door. Daan can see that the door is still closed but tries to scan his badge again, still closed. Daan decides to run back to the Comm System to push the emergency release again. As Daan is heading back he notices that the water is half way up his thighs but he continues on to the Comm system. Daan pushes the button several times and heads back to the door. Daan struggles to reach the door now that the water is at his waist and he is unable to run. Dan sees that the door is still closed and tries scanning his badge again but the door remains closed.

 Daan notices that the water is now pasted his waist. Daan stops and tries to calm himself. “Breathe, don’t panic, think, think, look around”, Daan says to himself as the water continues to pour from the ceiling and rise higher around him. Daan looks into one of the labs and sees a metal table, maybe he could find a chair or something to break the glass door. Daan struggles to get into the lab but there are no chairs and the table is bolted to the floor. Daan begins to panic and breathe heavy, the water now up to his chest. Daan is unable to think and he sees the water rising higher. Daan feels a strange sensation of a very strong arm going around the center of his chest a deep but calm voice speaking in his ear saying, “It’s alright, I’ve got you, relax”.

 Daan feels himself being pulled backwards, the lab door now open and he is being pulled towards the stairs. Once outside the lab, he sees the stairs but is unable to walk, his legs are failing him. Suddenly Daan feels another strong arm on the back of his legs and being hoisted in the air. Daan feels his head lay against a powerful chest and looks up. Daan is peering into a pair of the warmest brow eyes he has ever seen, and a face that wears a 5 o’clock shadow, the man’s voice is reassuring him that he is alright. “Hey, you’re alright, stay with me, don’t close your eyes, look at me, Hey”, said the man. Daan is unable to focus any longer and feels himself being lowered down onto a soft surface. Daan hears many voices and a woman yelling, “We got to get him to the infirmary, he’s going into shock”, then darkness.

[krakenator]

CHAPTER 1 aka “Stranger Danger”

I’m rereading The Property of Hate by @modmad and overanalyzing it to hell and back because i can’t stop thinking about the story and getting madder and madder about the PUNS I keep finding. I’m scratching the itch and trying to find All The Details. Current plan is just to go chapter by chapter, feel free to chime in with stuff I miss! There’ll be a masterpost up soon linking everything in one spot

SPOILERS are sprinkled around extremely liberally. Masterpost

Okay, so just a million things right off the bat on page fucking one

‘The Hook’ is of course a term for the beginning of a story. Grabbing one’s attention and convincing them to go off on an adventure, so to speak

Speechboxes! Everybody’s got their own distinctive ‘way of speaking’ in this story. RGB’s are rectangular, but those straight edges are offset by these really loopy, meandering, and elegant speech tails. It’s just. Such immediate characterization.

Like, even the pose. The way RGB introduces himself by crouching on her drawers like an incredibly dapper gremlin. It creates a similar contrast to his speechbubbles- prim and proper existing simultaneously with fae and kinda ridiculous

So considering we’ve got a fairly detailed picture of roses up on Hero’s wall on the comics opening page I think we can assume this is some type of Important maybe. Just off the top of my head, isn’t the rose Englands national flower? IDK how relevant that is outside of RGB being incredibly, incredibly British

Oh god damnit I just scrolled down to go to the next page and fffFFFUCKING BLUE ROSES ON THE BUTTONS okay. Blue rose symbolism! They don’t exist naturally. You won’t just find one in the wild outdoors, so they represent the impossible, the mysterious and achievable.

Seeing blue roses right off the bat = important story theme probably. Impossible dreams are my first thought. RGB’s seemingly hopeless plan to save a world everyone else has given up to be doomed. Hero’s wish to go the fuck back home please after she’s had her fill of deadly adventure. RGB and Hero are setting out to achieve the impossible, defeat Her, and save the World of Make Believe

Last point for the first page; RGB’s drool. Except it’s not drool, we later learn it’s equivalent to blood, and he bleeds emotions he’s feeling. While recruiting Hero, RGB’s prominent feelings are, unsurprisingly in hindsight, a fair load of sadness but tinged with a dose of cheer. His last Hero failed, and every single one before that, but he’s still daring to have hope, the absolute madman. What he’s actually dripping most though is what looks like curiosity- it may be mixed with a bit of anger, which I wouldn’t begrudge the guy. Angry that he has to start over, again, angry that his world is dying, angry that he’d the only one doing anything about it

Ok but imagine you woke up to find a man crouched on your bedside table smiling this super-wide “TRUST ME!! :)” smile and blood dribbling out of it and welling up between the teeth. Like, I’m laughing, but I’d be screaming

OKAY BUT FINALLY WE’RE PAST THE FIRST PAGE. We get a clear look at Hero’s drawings taped to the wall, and check it- one kinda looks like the Idea they run into a few chapters ahead. The other picture might also be showing the House of Paint? I mean, there’s a sun there so that’s off, but the clouds and steps leading up to Madras’ door look right

And now we get Hero’s speechboxes! They’re circular in contrast to RGB’s boxes, and colored orange. The balloon tails don’t loop-de-loop all over the page like RGBs but they’re not ‘standard’ either- there’s always this little jag to them closer to the text

RGB’s speechbubbles are actually one of the plainest/most conventional in the entire story

Excluding the tails of course. Those never ever take the most direct or efficient path to his face. Yeah, it adds an impression of silliness, but also speaks to the fact that RGB takes creative and weird solutions out of situations. I’ll laugh about the entire Click arc later but like really. REALLY. RGB DID ALL OF THAT

I love how Hero’s first actual words to RGB send him immediately into ?????????????. He keeps up this huge grin for most of The Hook and this is the first time his “I’m your friendly neighborhood TV nothing to see here!!” demeanor gets shaken up

the ladder hurts Hero’s feet, so why does she sleep on the top bunk? The bottom bunk doesn’t have any bedding on it so it’s not like she’s regulated to the top by any kind of sibling dibs

Weird... weird detail to be showing us modmad..... 

“Are you a monster?” “the very worst one” that’s a lotta blue dripping off yer chin there, stop crying

The mom is a character for two (2) seconds and even she gets her own unique speechbox; blue, fuzzy and barely connected, which does a really great job of communicating that she’s basically still asleep without ever having to see her

‘happy boi about to bring newest kidnapping to the sky world’

That’s a Mary Poppins reference, that is. RGB exclaiming ‘spit spot!’ earlier also got be thinking of Poppins

Clouds look so fluffy out of airplane windows, I’m honestly jealous

Doors! Gotta wonder where they all lead. Gotta wonder if they’ll get more use past this outside Hero’s recovery Time

I’ve just spend like 15m trying to figure out what the symbols above the doors are and I THINK it’s alchemy? “libra sign upside down” is luckily an easily searchable term, and that symbol in particular is for gas becoming liquid

I think the door beyond that has the alchemical symbol for gold? I’m not having luck on the others, including the door they actually go through here/its sister door Hero opens after the Elastic Valley fiasco.

RGB are you pissed that you had to tell this kid your name yourself? Are you upset about manners?? She’s like 7 dude cmon have you met a 7 year old. Thinking about it, possibly not, all the confirmed Other Heroes are definitely older- they all come across to me as adults

well, actually, who even knows how old Assok is. They might be the exception

The little ‘peephole’ eye popping open when the right key is close is nice atmospheric detail, but it kinda makes me wonder if there’s a person like. Seeing out of that eye. Whether someone gets a little notification every time one of these doors is opened

It’s the World of Make Believe! Stupendous! Break-taking! Modmad is exceptional at colors and beautiful environments full of personality! Hero’s last chance to turn back is gone!

Hero only being awake for 20 minutes before becoming Instantly Tired = biggest actual mood, my god. Me too sweetie

Except I can’t blame trees. And a sort of magical jet-lag effect. Yo, are sleeping tree’s making you sleepy the same sorta thing where when one person yawns everyone yawns

I just really like how this tail loops around RGB’s physical actual legs. It makes it seem like speech is a tangible thing that interacts with the world and that you could, like, touch or something. all it’s missing is a shadow

God, fuck me. That’s the yellow brick road. God dammit. Son of a bitch.

RGB, pg 14: do not touch me, do not look at me, don’t speak to me, you have tentative permission to breathe

RGB from the Market onwards: carries her multiple times (admittedly, almost always exactly like you shouldn’t), picks her up, swings her around, hugs her when she’s scared of the dark, ‘I Have Longer Legs, Hop On’ piggybacks, protecting her by putting his own bod in harms way, general Manhandling of Child

I kid, I kid, it’s more complex than that. For one, RGB doesn’t want Hero getting hurt cause she’s Important and has Heroing she can’t do if she’s injured. Second, that whole “don’t get attached” thing gets thrown out the window on like day 2

“I’ve only known Hero for a day and a half but if anything happened to her I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself”

RGB is honestly... super bad at not attaching to people. honestly, actually terrible at it

Ooh! Those flowers! I didn’t realize those always happen when Hero’s sleeping. They also look like she’s drawn them herself! That’s honestly… lethally adorable

Fun fact technicolor dream shell snail changes colors every panel

RGB bleeds static? What emotion is that? I dig it, unconscious is an emotion and i feel it in my soul

w...white noise.... god DAMMIT

ey, the tree’s look different in the light of day- all those blurry fairy light ‘leaves’ are gone now. 

!! Hero glows the exact same way when she’s asleep! RGB, however, is not. Tree’s have leaves when they dream, huh

oh god tree’s have LEAVES when they DREAM

...we’ll come back to this thought when we get to the sick sun tree cause that thing is a whole other can of Lore worms

In a different direction, there must be some sort of difference between Tree Dreaming and People Dreaming, because dreaming trees do NOT trigger RGB’s weird stuntman nightmares

these particular trees are also see-through; i can’t remember if they’re all like this throughout the world? will have to pay attention and see

oh- OH. also just made the connection for why trees provide a saf(er) haven- bottled nightmares will very shortly be used to dispel fears. Dreams repel Fears! It’s best to sleep near tree’s because just you dreaming might not be enough to keep things at bay while your rest

And the chapter’s finished off with a new character and new speechbox to go with it! It’s the first to use a different font and text color to our main characters

Honestly though, what is UP with the Butterfly? It’s clearly keeping close tabs on them, and only speaks to Hero when RGB is unconscious or otherwise occupied. It clearly doesn’t wanna be seen by him, which is shady. It shows up like twice? And the other time RGB and Hero don’t even know it’s there and listening. Between that and the Eyes, like… does it have it’s own agenda and interests or is it an agent of Hate? Idk man maybe I’ll pick up on more Butterfly stuff on this readthrough

*notices that the plant it was resting on withers once it flies away* ... that’s no good. especially if that butterfly can do the same to trees

...... ah. it kinda can. Consider, please, Hate’s likely role in the demise of the Sun, and Her confirmed ability to smother them in [-----]

Butterfly’s parting words: “be wise”. Hero’s next and immediate action: doodle RGB’s face

And that’s the Hook! Join me next time when Hero has a fun play date with some new friends everything goes wrong almost instantly.

[ehstarwar]

a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves (6/8)

“Sorry it’s not much. I can always get something delivered here, if you want…” He says, cracking his fifth egg. Rey is eating it at an ungodly place, after all.

“Are you kidding me?” She asks with a mouthful. “This is the best breakfast anyone has ever made. I’m talking Gordon Ramsey level delicious.”

-

Rey and Ben deal with post-heat emotions and show us how not good they are at talking about their feelings.

-

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 2.5K

Read on AO3

Notes: as you all know, i'm baby and also the Worst™ at getting back to your wonderful, amazing, defiantly-gonna-put-one-of-em-on-my-headstone comments that literally keep me young. you are all so wonderful and i cannot thank you enough for your support.please enjoy our favorite space babies being bad about sharing their emotions!

chapter 6: strike now, or else the iron cools

-

Ben realizes now that he should have cleaned. Not that he had any idea that he would be having company, certainly for this long, but the neat-freak impulse in him was something that disregarded inane facts like that. 

He also feels he should have gone to the grocery store to buy food that was befitting of a ‘hey we just spent your whole heat together and now and you’re still covered in my dried come and I would literally like to stay inside of here with you for the rest of my life' meal, but Ben lacks some ingredients. Not that there is a meal that says that, but scrambled eggs and turkey bacon definitely isn’t it. 

Regardless, Rey consumes the runny scrambled eggs and over-cooked bacon like it’s the only food she’s ever wanted to eat. Theres bits of egg smattering her nose and a small piece of bacon comically hanging on her chin and the urge to kiss it off her makes Ben grip the frying pan a little harder.

“Sorry it’s not much. I can always get something delivered here, if you want…” He says, cracking his fifth egg. Rey is eating it at an ungodly place, after all.

“Are you kidding me?” She asks with a mouthful. “This is the best breakfast anyone has ever made. I’m talking Gordon Ramsey level delicious.”

Ben chuckles bashfully as he plates the rest of his food and joins her at the table. Her wide hazel eyes follow him as he sits beside her and begins eating. When her gaze becomes too much, he speaks again.

“How are you, uh… feeling?” Ben asks. Rey shrugs as she swallows what is likely a whole egg.

“I’m always a little off kilter when I come down from heat. Jumpy for a few days, but…” She trails off before taking a huge gulp of coffee Ben prepared earlier.

“But…?”

When she looks back up at him, the fork guiding up to his mouth stills, and he gets lost in her eyes.

“I’ve never spent my heat with anybody… I feel… different. Still off-center, but in a way I can’t place.”

He sets his fork down, food cooling on it. Rey is biting her lip, still looking at him, but Ben is lost in the admission.

“You’ve… never spent heat with anyone?”

“No… just you.”

Ben gulps. 

“Should I… do you need me to… I don’t know what I should do. I keep feeling like I’m failing you.” His voice is quiet when he tells her. Rey quickly puts her hand on his face, brushing hair out of his eyes. He nuzzles into her palm automatically.

“Ben… you’re perfect.” The adoration in her voice, the look in her eyes; Ben got what Rey meant when she said her world feels off kilter. “No one has ever taken care of my like you. Ever.”

Ben can’t respond. He can’t even open his mouth for fear that he’ll tell her how much he loves her, and no matter the state of the relationship, it’s too soon for that.  When he doesn’t respond, Rey places both hands on his face.

“You’ve done so much for me, please tell me what I can do for you.” Ben recognizes the glint in her eye, the same one he surely had when he scented her.

“Can you… can you sit in my lap? I know it’s a bit weird but, I need to feel you and-”

Without preamble, Rey stood from his dining room chair and plopped into his lap, pert ass resting between his thigh thighs. One of her hands went to scoot her plate closer to her new seat and the other went to grip his knee. 

“It’s not weird. Not at all.” She continues stuffing her face with eggs, and Ben can only smile and do the same. 

-

“We should probably shower.”

Her voice cuts through the silence of his apartment. Rey lays on the couch while Ben lays on top of her, head at her stomach, hands holding onto her hips. The television Leia purchased him for the apartment is turned on for once in its life, and some trashy reality show is playing that Rey ‘has to catch up on before joining the civilized world’.

Ben had complied with her, happy to soak up any more time he can greedily touching her as much as she will allow. She laughs at the parts he should probably pay attention to and cards through his hair like she’s done it for years. It’s an easy, peaceful moment that Ben wishes they would be trapped in forever. 

But when her voices breaks through and Ben realizes the tv had gone dark, his stomach sank. 

“Do you want to shower?” He says with his face pressed to her abdomen, taking a deep breath and inhaling the dizzying scent of her and him mixed together.

“I think we should shower. May not be the the politest thing to walk around post-heat smelling like we’re still in the middle of fucking.”

Ben can’t stop the whine from escaping his throat. He feels her silent chuckle rumble against his body.

“I guess you’re right…” He says, mouth muffled by her skin. 

He knows that this is the logical first step that should be taken once two friends fuck mercilessly for days. Take a shower, put on clothes, actually step outside of the apartment and back into civilization. But Ben doesn’t want that. The thought of letting Rey leave now, after… everything? It would kill him. It would destroy his soul until he couldn’t function. 

He thinks maybe Rey might feel the same, the way she pointedly avoided turning on her phone to catch up on what they’d missed the past few day’s. It fills him with a hope he’s too cautious to enjoy. 

That, and the way she’s still attached to him at the hip. She sits up the moment he does, goes from the couch to the bathroom with her hands wrapped around his forearm, peals off the clothes they’d haphazardly thrown on earlier before stepping in the shower with him. 

‘Omega wants this, too. Wants you too’ His hindbrain helplessly provides. 

Ben is reminded of the start of her heat, rinsing off in this same shower, same position, but worlds away from where they were now. 

-

Like everything else he does, Ben is efficient in washing Rey. He cleans her, dries her, gives her clothes without a second thought. He does everything with a determined hand that Rey wonders if she even needs to physically move herself from room to room. He’d do that if she asks. (She narrowly avoids breaking down and asking him to do just that.)

They’re clean, dressed and presentable, and ready to move on from what can only be considered an earth-shattering experience and Rey isn’t at all prepared to let go. She sits at the barstool, holding her darkened phone in her hands.

“I guess we have to go back to the real world now, huh?” She says, mostly to herself. Ben stands across the island from her, his phone dwarfed in his palm. 

“That would be the general consensus.” He replies. Rey looks down and frowns, clicking to turn on her phone and be barraged with the millions of text her friends had no doubt  sent. 

Automatically, Rose pops up.

Are you going home with Ben?

Like… going home to 

💓🚀🔞👅👉🏼👌🏼🍑😘🚻

🤼‍♀️🥰💝🔝🦴🥵🎺🤤💃🏻💖🕺🏻🎉💍

🛌💑👨‍👩‍👧‍👦🌋💕💯

hey babes Benji just texted me!

go get that **** on your ***** and **** in 

your ********* and his *** on **** *** *** *****!

girl its been like three days I’m staring 

to get worried about you and him

should i drop off a humidifier or 

condoms or something??

based on your lack of response I’ll assume 

u gettin that dick too good to worry about 

little things like food and water but 

please stay hydrated!

FIVE DAYS BITCH

HOW DOES ONE GET AN APPOINTMENT 

WITH DOCTOR DICK BRO

HOOK A BITCH UP

wow that last message was aggressive lolz

please text me whenever you get these!

I just want to make sure ben’s peen didn’t 

send you into analeptic shock and kill ya cuz 

rent is due in like a week 🥰

Based on Roses’ text, Rey decided that the text messages from Poe were better left deleted and never seared into her mind. Rey grimaces down at the remainder of her messages when she hears Ben.

“Fuck,” He says, frowning down at his phone.

“Your reading you text from Rose?” She asks, eyes downturned and unwilling to make eye contact. 

“No, I blocked all our friends before we… before. I’m trying to catch up on work emails now. You’d really think a multi-billion dollar company couldn’t run themselves when one person takes heat leave.” The deep set frown lines Rey had become so familiar with had woven their way back onto Ben’s face. A deep wave of guilt washed over Rey when she realized just how long this heat had been.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Ben! I didn’t realize- I had no idea… I can’t believe it lasted this long and you- ugh Ben, I am really, really sorry.” Rey instantly went to grab her bags and get out of Ben’s hair as fast as humanly possible. Nearly a whole week gone because her stupid fucking body needed a stupid fucking knot and her stupid fucking insurance couldn’t provide stupid fucking suppressants-

Ben’s hand grabs her upper arm, the one attempting to toss the duffle bag strap around her shoulder, instantly stilling her. When her eyes meet his, she’s met with an expression she can’t quite place.

“I’m not sorry. Not at all. Please don’t be sorry, Rey.”

It’s a close of a command as she’ll allow, being that she’s coming down from heat, but his steely and determined voice shakes something within her that she isn’t prepared to internalize. 

Rey drops the duffle bag and wraps her arms around Ben’s midsection before he can say anything else. She shoves her face into his broad chest, covered by a sweater that smells so much like him that it hurts, and bites her lip trying not to cry. 

“I just can’t believe it’s over. Is that weird? It’s like… like the past week hasn’t been real.” Her words are muffled but she knows Ben heard them. His arm wrap around her too, soothingly stroking her back and gently brushing against her glands. 

“It felt like a dream for me too, Rey.” 

They stand there for minutes, maybe hours, holding onto each other and preserving their little bubble for as long as they can. They should talk about what this means, where this leaves them, but the words don’t come. Speaking about it, hearing that he may not want what she does, would break her. Rey won’t let herself think of the possibility that he could want the same thing; the downfall if she’s wrong would crush her. 

And since Rey’s body wasn’t done being a traitor, it rumbles loudly in the silent moment. Ben’s hand stills on her back, and Rey groans in embarrassment.

“I should have fed you more.”

-

“How do you even find half of these restaurants? It’s like you an underground 5-star eatery aficionado. Do you have a secret Tik Tok where you rate every sushi bar in the city based on some elaborate, pretentious scale?” Rey asks.

The sushi restaurant he’d treated Rey to after her stomach so rudely interrupted their moment, was delicious (of course) and Ben hadn’t even batted an eye when she ordered two entrees for herself. 

Ben laughs lightly as he rolls his eyes, but keeps his focus on the road. 

“What’s a tick tock?” He asks. Rey sighs and mumbles a light hearted ‘ok boomer’.

It’s nearly dark out again, sun setting across the sky, painting the whole city orange. Rey is content to watch the streets they go down, missing the people watching she’d taken to on her walks to and from work. Not that she minded missing them. In fact, she wouldn’t mind never people watching again if that meant she could spend her life like she had for the last week.

(It didn’t matter that it physically wasn’t possible; not that her hindbrain minded.)

They had been mostly silent since leaving the apartment, only speaking to each other when they thought of a funny comment (Rey) or the other had soy sauce dripping down their chin (also Rey). But the silence was never a challenge with Ben. It was his most natural state. A stoic, empathetic, fuckable redwood, that was constant and unyielding no matter the circumstance. 

Rey would have told her that she loved that about him if she hadn’t been so busy shoving seared tuna into her mouth.

It’s also a comfort to see Ben’s discomfort of being too far from each other. The both had their legs pointed towards each other in the car, sat on the same side of the booth at the restaurant, bodies never more than a hair-lengths away from each other while walking. Even though she was coming down from heat, Rey was comforted by the smell of Ben. She’ll chalk it up to those pesky-post-heat jitters she can never shake. 

When they pull up to her building, it’s a stark reminder just how different their worlds are. The dilapidated, moldy facade of her building was a world away from the sleek, tinted-window skyscraper that was his. 

Rey had worked hard for everything she had in her life, this apartment included, but it still made her feel cheap to go back to that after a week spent in luxury. But Rey can’t help but feel that she’d be going into a five star hotel if Ben were there with her. 

She looks over at him, still looking forward, and prepares to rip off the bandaid.

“Ben… thank you. For everything. I couldn’t have gotten through this without you. You’re…” everything. The love of my life. My alpha. The only person who’s showed me this much kindness without asking anything in return. The most beautiful person in the world. My world. “…a really good friend.” 

The words feel wrong even as they come out of her mouth. His eyes snap towards her then. They’re the perfect combination of chocolaty brown and golden caramel and it make it easier to ignore the hurt that’s so openly being shown to her. 

“Rey… I-” He’s cut off by the shrill sound of his phone, a name flashing cross the car console. A. Snoke.

“You need to get back to your life, Ben. I can’t keep you with me forever.” Rey says, grabbing the her stuff. Ben tries to grab his phone from the pocket, either to silence it or answer it she’ll never know. She presses a fleeting kiss to his cheek while he’s distracted, and quickly exits the car. 

She doesn’t spare a glance back at him when she enters her building. 

-

come say hi on twitter!

[drippeddaily]

Album of the Year #22: J.I.D – The Never Story

Album of the Year #22: J.I.D – The Never Story

Artist: J.I.D

Album: The Never Story

Listen:

YouTube

Spotify

Apple Music

Tidal

Yeezy Sound

Background by /u/ItsBigVanilla

The scene: East Atlanta, 1990. Halloween. A baby is born, kicking and screaming. His name: Destin Route. Destin is the youngest of seven brothers and sisters moving from low-income house to low-income house, by all means an ordinary black boy born in Atlanta. He’s a jittery kid; his grandma tells him so. He grows up around others like himself, he sees his peers sell drugs to feed their families, he knows his situation.

Destin gets older, makes his way through his classes. High school ends and he keeps moving, gets accepted to Hampton University in Virginia, plays football. He’s in college now: a new chapter in his life, new experiences, new friends. New friends: Olu and Eian, a.k.a. Venus and Doc. They’re rappers, call themselves Earthgang. Destin’s interested. He remembers growing up, listening to Wu-Tang Clan, that New York shit, Outkast, of course, D’Angelo, too.

2012: he gets kicked out of school. What’s next? He decides to focus on the music. Isn’t that what everybody does when they have nothing left to do? The difference is, Destin’s better than most. He writes a bit, records a bit, links up with Earthgang a bit, next thing he knows he’s got a mixtape: Route of Evil. He’s a rapper now, he starts calling himself J.I.D, as in, the jittery kid that grandma used to say he was. He likes it, he’s having fun with it, he keeps writing. 2013: mixtape number two, Para Tu, drops it right before his 23rd birthday.

More songs with Earthgang, they form a collective: Spillage Village. Put out an album: Bears Like This. Things are heating up, they’re gaining traction, they get an offer: open up for Ab-Soul on his next tour. J.I.D jumps at the chance, gets out there on stage and raps his heart out. He’s getting the hang of this, now. Drops an EP, Dicaprio, and still keeps writing. Keeps putting out music: Bears Like This Too with Spillage Village. Keeps touring: this time he opens for Bas, who he worked with on the Ab-Soul tour. Keeps writing: Bears Like This Too Much is next. They even managed to get a J. Cole feature on this one.

Cole hears his stuff; he likes it. This could be the next step for J.I.D. He gets the offer of a lifetime: Cole says sign with me. Drop your debut album on my label, Dreamville. This is his shot at legitimacy. This is his chance to see his music make an impact. He accepts the offer, of course. Who wouldn’t? Then he gets to work on The Never Story.

Review by /u/ItsBigVanilla

The Never Story begins with a smooth chorus of voices, opening the album with the positive affirmation “Everyone’s a star / Every day’s the move / Everywhere you are is for you”. As the lines are repeated, another voice comes into play: a youthful, crooning, almost squeaky voice, a voice that doesn’t appear to foreshadow a rap album at all. A minute passes, the chorus stops, and in come the drums as listeners are eased into the first track, “General”. What’s immediately gripping about the track is the production (done by Latrell James & Oz theAdditive): it’s steady, layered, and thumping, glued together by a deep bass line and an atmosphere that suggests there’s danger around the corner. And like clockwork, the danger appears as J.I.D makes his entrance, spitting a head-bopper of a verse that manages to sound meticulously written and off-the-cuff at the same time. Rapping about life in Atlanta, racism, and his own experiences, the rapper comes across as honest and lyrical, qualities rare in such a catchy tune.

Instead of risking overstaying its welcome, the track ends, transitioning into “Never”, which opens with a sinister, cloudy (Childish Major & Christo Welch) beat that would make Norf Norf proud. “Never been shit, never had shit / Never knew shit, never out, never do shit damn / But a nigga never gave two shits” raps J.I.D in one of the album’s catchiest hooks, sliding into another verse introspective enough to keep listeners thinking while they try to keep up with the flow, which sprawls and bounds around the production effortlessly, stopping and starting again at will, never feeling slightly off-base. The production stays exciting, constantly being ramped up or cut out at moments that perfectly accentuate J.I.D’s lyricism without overshadowing it, and halfway through the song, the entire track shifts gears with a completely unexpected beat switch. Suddenly, the track goes from misty to robotic, and J.I.D goes from introspective to braggadocious, coming in hot with perhaps one of the year’s best set of opening lines: “What you call a chick that don't suck dick? You don't/ And if you think you finna come up this, you won't/ Down comes the boogie and up jumps the funk/ This beat takin' a beating, I hand out the lumps.” From this point on, the track explodes with an energy as of yet unheard on the album.

Following “Never” is “EdEddnEddy”, a mellow track that sees J.I.D utilizing his trademark lazy flow in a lazy way, floating along another beat that’s almost impossible not to move along to (produced by Hollywood JB). At this point in the tracklist, the album’s appeal is clear: fantastic production, well written and quotable lyrics, and a fresh new voice in hip-hop, proving he can tackle a wealth of styles and come out on top every time. “Me and my two niggas be like Ed Edd and Eddy”, he raps, and on the next track, “D/vision”, frequent collaborators Venus and Doc of Earthgang, the other “Eds”, make their appearance. “D/vision” features what may be the most impressive technical rap on the album, as the three MCs attempt to one-up each other over freestyle-inspiring J. Cole production.

Next up are “Hereditary” and “All Bad”, two of the album’s mellowest moments. The triumphant, guitar-and-piano production (by Officials) of “Hereditary” paves the way for one of J.I.D’s most melodic performances, showcasing his ability to tread the line between rapping and singing, all while offering up a hook that’s sure to get stuck in listener’s heads. On “All Bad”, things slow down even further as J.I.D goes full R&B, accompanied by understated, soulful vocals from Mereba. Thanks to producer Hollywood JB, the song feels funky and sexy, at once reminiscent of Isaiah Rashad while managing not to sound too much like anybody else. The track is so downtempo that it almost threatens to bring the album to a complete halt, but it works as another interesting chapter in The Never Story.

The atmosphere is quickly revitalized by “Underwear”, one of the album’s darkest-sounding affairs. J.I.D plays around on the hook, alliterating in a seemingly offhand way (“Melancholy cool / Matthew McConaughey / on a money mission”) and cracking the classic “underwear/under where” joke, the gold standard of elementary schools across the country. However, the trap-inspired, piano-laden production by Christo Welch gives way to a few energetic, instantly memorable verses that turn the track into one of the project’s highlights.

Slipped in between two of the most single-worthy tracks is the Childish Major-produced “8701”, a short, punchy track that features a verse from fellow Atlanta artist 6LACK. While the track’s autotune-over-guitar and under two minute runtime make it feel a bit out of place and transitory, it still stands as a satisfying song in its own right. “8701” leads into “Hoodbooger”, another playful and vibrant song that feels like an upbeat counterpart to “Underwear”. The track, produced by 808 Blake, originally appeared on J.I.D’s Dicaprio EP, but it fits in perfectly here as yet another lyrically infectious moment full of charisma and swagger.

Before the album’s end comes “Somebody”, a song that sounds like it would make surprisingly reasonable background music on Sesame Street. The positive vibes come in the form of Imaginary Kids production that sounds like sunshine and a hook that could give MF DOOM the warm-and-fuzzies (“Everybody gotta be something / Everybody wanna be something / … Everybody gotta love somebody”). J.I.D raps about his choice to make a name for himself in the rap game, and by the time his verses are up, you’re bound to feel like you want to give it a shot, too. While the song’s tone might seem out of place on the tail end of the album, it demonstrates just how diverse of an artist that J.I.D is, while providing some levity before the album’s final, definitive moment.

The Never Story goes out with a bang, not a whimper, as the concluding track, “Lauder”, starts off with a braggadocious proclamation that feels well deserved at this point: “Okay I told motherfuckers I was sick as a bitch / The dopest dope you smoke gon’ get you a whiff / Watch how these niggas flip the script with the flick of they wrist / Southern lyricists don’t exist like my flow is a myth”. More J. Cole production creates a landscape for J.I.D’s most personal effort yet, spitting verses about his brother, (“My brother was locked up for shooting at the enemy / Caught one nigga then caught fifteen / I ain’t meet that nigga ‘till I was fifteen”), his ambitions, (“I silently swore solemnly / That I would be the guy to make my black people proud of me / Roses to the mothers of anybody that doubted me”), and his passion for rapping (“My pen carries my many sins / The irony the iron can’t straighten out any wrinkle in existence”). The track is a major highlight, perhaps even the best song on the album, and definitely the best way to end it.

The album ends on a high note that, most importantly, feels earned. Running at 40 minutes, 11 tracks and an intro manage to come together to feel cohesive yet diverse, lyrical yet quotable, and to hint at what’s to come. J.I.D emerges victorious, a fresh new personality in the rap game, and a big personality at that. The project seeps with talent; whether it be from J.I.D, the guest artists, or the producers, everyone involved brings the heat and sets the stage for the start of a long, potentially brilliant career. As an album, The Never Story is fantastic; as a debut, it’s excellent.

Favorite Lyrics by /u/ItsBigVanilla

Alright, what you call a chick that don't suck dick? You don't

And if you think you finna come up this, you won't

Down comes the boogie and up jumps the funk

This beat takin' a beating, I hand out the lumps

• “Never”

I'm a stallion, stout, strong, war ready, resilient

Guess the Lord put me in position just to kill niggas

A warrior, but words used is my spear, my sword, my fear, my Lord, my chance is void if I

Do it for myself and don't give back to the loyal

The unemployed, all my boys in here

Okay, let's really make some noise in here

• “D/vision”

Look like I gotta bust heads like bruh said nigga suspect

And I don't play muhfuckin nut check, this a gut check

After I done killed y'all, imma hit your bitch up and have a slut fest

No Morris Chestnut, bitch nut chest

Leave the nigga in the past where the dust is

This a 100 round drum, nigga duck this

• “Underwear”

Yeah, too many hoes on my D-I-C-K

I run the game like V-I-C-K

You ain't talking shit, no habla Englais

I can cock that thing back and pon de replay

I'ma be the man, and I know that you feel it

Fast-forward, in five years in LA in a Bentley

I been a Renaissance, finna send a bomb

Hit him in his arm, leg, head, nigga swam oceans for the commas

• “Hoodbooger”

Let's get it poppin', they're pulling pistols on apostle Paul

So paid the piper or meet the sniper legend of the fall

I knew in diapers you and I was nothing alike at all

I do or die, you do it to die, I'm really making calls

You couldn't kill it and take it out of me

The ideology, this the odyssey

I'm Odysseus, you gotta follow me

Watch how I maneuver, I influence the influencers

The flow is like the flu in influenza going through the motion

So I motivate all of my niggas, they tell me kill 'em with kindness

I'd rather kill 'em and they're other significants

• “Lauder”

Discussion Questions by /u/ItsBigVanilla

• J.I.D. has been compared to other popular artists, such as Kendrick Lamar and Anderson .Paak. Do you think that his style is unique enough to forge a career that isn’t dependent on these comparisons?

• What aspect of his music (i.e. songwriting, hooks, production, song structure, etc.) would you like to see J.I.D work on for his next project?

• What’s your interpretation of the “cuckoo clock” interludes at the end of some of the songs? Do these bring the album together in some way or are they unnecessary?

• Who would you like to see collab with J.I.D in the future? Which artists would fit well with his style?

• Do you think that we will still be talking about J.I.D 5 years from now?

Thanks to everybody for reading this. I just want to say that I loved this album, and that nearly all of my favorite albums this year have come by surprise. If I hadn’t randomly clicked on the [FRESH] thread for this album when it came out, I probably wouldn’t be writing this right now, so I encourage you all to do the same, even when a post doesn’t have much attention.

Also, if you have a chance to see J.I.D and/or Earthgang live, don’t hesitate to do it. They put on an incredible show and they have ridiculous chemistry together. You won’t be let down, and you might as well get tickets while they’re cheap, because when these guys blow up it won’t be so easy to get that front row spot.

Artist: J.I.DAlbum: The Never StoryListen:YouTubeSpotifyApple MusicTidalYeezy SoundBackground by /u/ItsBigVanillaThe scene: East Atlanta, 1990. Halloween. A baby is born, kicking and screaming. His name: Destin Route. Destin is the youngest of seven brothers and sisters moving from low-income house to low-income house, by all means an ordinary black boy born in Atlanta. He’s a jittery kid; his grandma tells him so. He grows up around others like himself, he sees his peers sell drugs to feed their families, he knows his situation.Destin gets older, makes his way through his classes. High school ends and he keeps moving, gets accepted to Hampton University in Virginia, plays football. He’s in college now: a new chapter in his life, new experiences, new friends. New friends: Olu and Eian, a.k.a. Venus and Doc. They’re rappers, call themselves Earthgang. Destin’s interested. He remembers growing up, listening to Wu-Tang Clan, that New York shit, Outkast, of course, D’Angelo, too.2012: he gets kicked out of school. What’s next? He decides to focus on the music. Isn’t that what everybody does when they have nothing left to do? The difference is, Destin’s better than most. He writes a bit, records a bit, links up with Earthgang a bit, next thing he knows he’s got a mixtape: Route of Evil. He’s a rapper now, he starts calling himself J.I.D, as in, the jittery kid that grandma used to say he was. He likes it, he’s having fun with it, he keeps writing. 2013: mixtape number two, Para Tu, drops it right before his 23rd birthday.More songs with Earthgang, they form a collective: Spillage Village. Put out an album: Bears Like This. Things are heating up, they’re gaining traction, they get an offer: open up for Ab-Soul on his next tour. J.I.D jumps at the chance, gets out there on stage and raps his heart out. He’s getting the hang of this, now. Drops an EP, Dicaprio, and still keeps writing. Keeps putting out music: Bears Like This Too with Spillage Village. Keeps touring: this time he opens for Bas, who he worked with on the Ab-Soul tour. Keeps writing: Bears Like This Too Much is next. They even managed to get a J. Cole feature on this one.Cole hears his stuff; he likes it. This could be the next step for J.I.D. He gets the offer of a lifetime: Cole says sign with me. Drop your debut album on my label, Dreamville. This is his shot at legitimacy. This is his chance to see his music make an impact. He accepts the offer, of course. Who wouldn’t? Then he gets to work on The Never Story.Review by /u/ItsBigVanillaThe Never Story begins with a smooth chorus of voices, opening the album with the positive affirmation “Everyone’s a star / Every day’s the move / Everywhere you are is for you”. As the lines are repeated, another voice comes into play: a youthful, crooning, almost squeaky voice, a voice that doesn’t appear to foreshadow a rap album at all. A minute passes, the chorus stops, and in come the drums as listeners are eased into the first track, “General”. What’s immediately gripping about the track is the production (done by Latrell James & Oz theAdditive): it’s steady, layered, and thumping, glued together by a deep bass line and an atmosphere that suggests there’s danger around the corner. And like clockwork, the danger appears as J.I.D makes his entrance, spitting a head-bopper of a verse that manages to sound meticulously written and off-the-cuff at the same time. Rapping about life in Atlanta, racism, and his own experiences, the rapper comes across as honest and lyrical, qualities rare in such a catchy tune.Instead of risking overstaying its welcome, the track ends, transitioning into “Never”, which opens with a sinister, cloudy (Childish Major & Christo Welch) beat that would make Norf Norf proud. “Never been shit, never had shit / Never knew shit, never out, never do shit damn / But a nigga never gave two shits” raps J.I.D in one of the album’s catchiest hooks, sliding into another verse introspective enough to keep listeners thinking while they try to keep up with the flow, which sprawls and bounds around the production effortlessly, stopping and starting again at will, never feeling slightly off-base. The production stays exciting, constantly being ramped up or cut out at moments that perfectly accentuate J.I.D’s lyricism without overshadowing it, and halfway through the song, the entire track shifts gears with a completely unexpected beat switch. Suddenly, the track goes from misty to robotic, and J.I.D goes from introspective to braggadocious, coming in hot with perhaps one of the year’s best set of opening lines: “What you call a chick that don't suck dick? You don't/ And if you think you finna come up this, you won't/ Down comes the boogie and up jumps the funk/ This beat takin' a beating, I hand out the lumps.” From this point on, the track explodes with an energy as of yet unheard on the album.Following “Never” is “EdEddnEddy”, a mellow track that sees J.I.D utilizing his trademark lazy flow in a lazy way, floating along another beat that’s almost impossible not to move along to (produced by Hollywood JB). At this point in the tracklist, the album’s appeal is clear: fantastic production, well written and quotable lyrics, and a fresh new voice in hip-hop, proving he can tackle a wealth of styles and come out on top every time. “Me and my two niggas be like Ed Edd and Eddy”, he raps, and on the next track, “D/vision”, frequent collaborators Venus and Doc of Earthgang, the other “Eds”, make their appearance. “D/vision” features what may be the most impressive technical rap on the album, as the three MCs attempt to one-up each other over freestyle-inspiring J. Cole production.Next up are “Hereditary” and “All Bad”, two of the album’s mellowest moments. The triumphant, guitar-and-piano production (by Officials) of “Hereditary” paves the way for one of J.I.D’s most melodic performances, showcasing his ability to tread the line between rapping and singing, all while offering up a hook that’s sure to get stuck in listener’s heads. On “All Bad”, things slow down even further as J.I.D goes full R&B, accompanied by understated, soulful vocals from Mereba. Thanks to producer Hollywood JB, the song feels funky and sexy, at once reminiscent of Isaiah Rashad while managing not to sound too much like anybody else. The track is so downtempo that it almost threatens to bring the album to a complete halt, but it works as another interesting chapter in The Never Story.The atmosphere is quickly revitalized by “Underwear”, one of the album’s darkest-sounding affairs. J.I.D plays around on the hook, alliterating in a seemingly offhand way (“Melancholy cool / Matthew McConaughey / on a money mission”) and cracking the classic “underwear/under where” joke, the gold standard of elementary schools across the country. However, the trap-inspired, piano-laden production by Christo Welch gives way to a few energetic, instantly memorable verses that turn the track into one of the project’s highlights.Slipped in between two of the most single-worthy tracks is the Childish Major-produced “8701”, a short, punchy track that features a verse from fellow Atlanta artist 6LACK. While the track’s autotune-over-guitar and under two minute runtime make it feel a bit out of place and transitory, it still stands as a satisfying song in its own right. “8701” leads into “Hoodbooger”, another playful and vibrant song that feels like an upbeat counterpart to “Underwear”. The track, produced by 808 Blake, originally appeared on J.I.D’s Dicaprio EP, but it fits in perfectly here as yet another lyrically infectious moment full of charisma and swagger.Before the album’s end comes “Somebody”, a song that sounds like it would make surprisingly reasonable background music on Sesame Street. The positive vibes come in the form of Imaginary Kids production that sounds like sunshine and a hook that could give MF DOOM the warm-and-fuzzies (“Everybody gotta be something / Everybody wanna be something / … Everybody gotta love somebody”). J.I.D raps about his choice to make a name for himself in the rap game, and by the time his verses are up, you’re bound to feel like you want to give it a shot, too. While the song’s tone might seem out of place on the tail end of the album, it demonstrates just how diverse of an artist that J.I.D is, while providing some levity before the album’s final, definitive moment.The Never Story goes out with a bang, not a whimper, as the concluding track, “Lauder”, starts off with a braggadocious proclamation that feels well deserved at this point: “Okay I told motherfuckers I was sick as a bitch / The dopest dope you smoke gon’ get you a whiff / Watch how these niggas flip the script with the flick of they wrist / Southern lyricists don’t exist like my flow is a myth”. More J. Cole production creates a landscape for J.I.D’s most personal effort yet, spitting verses about his brother, (“My brother was locked up for shooting at the enemy / Caught one nigga then caught fifteen / I ain’t meet that nigga ‘till I was fifteen”), his ambitions, (“I silently swore solemnly / That I would be the guy to make my black people proud of me / Roses to the mothers of anybody that doubted me”), and his passion for rapping (“My pen carries my many sins / The irony the iron can’t straighten out any wrinkle in existence”). The track is a major highlight, perhaps even the best song on the album, and definitely the best way to end it.The album ends on a high note that, most importantly, feels earned. Running at 40 minutes, 11 tracks and an intro manage to come together to feel cohesive yet diverse, lyrical yet quotable, and to hint at what’s to come. J.I.D emerges victorious, a fresh new personality in the rap game, and a big personality at that. The project seeps with talent; whether it be from J.I.D, the guest artists, or the producers, everyone involved brings the heat and sets the stage for the start of a long, potentially brilliant career. As an album, The Never Story is fantastic; as a debut, it’s excellent.Favorite Lyrics by /u/ItsBigVanillaAlright, what you call a chick that don't suck dick? You don'tAnd if you think you finna come up this, you won'tDown comes the boogie and up jumps the funkThis beat takin' a beating, I hand out the lumps• “Never”I'm a stallion, stout, strong, war ready, resilientGuess the Lord put me in position just to kill niggasA warrior, but words used is my spear, my sword, my fear, my Lord, my chance is void if IDo it for myself and don't give back to the loyalThe unemployed, all my boys in hereOkay, let's really make some noise in here• “D/vision”Look like I gotta bust heads like bruh said nigga suspectAnd I don't play muhfuckin nut check, this a gut checkAfter I done killed y'all, imma hit your bitch up and have a slut festNo Morris Chestnut, bitch nut chestLeave the nigga in the past where the dust isThis a 100 round drum, nigga duck this• “Underwear”Yeah, too many hoes on my D-I-C-KI run the game like V-I-C-KYou ain't talking shit, no habla EnglaisI can cock that thing back and pon de replayI'ma be the man, and I know that you feel itFast-forward, in five years in LA in a BentleyI been a Renaissance, finna send a bombHit him in his arm, leg, head, nigga swam oceans for the commas• “Hoodbooger”Let's get it poppin', they're pulling pistols on apostle PaulSo paid the piper or meet the sniper legend of the fallI knew in diapers you and I was nothing alike at allI do or die, you do it to die, I'm really making callsYou couldn't kill it and take it out of meThe ideology, this the odysseyI'm Odysseus, you gotta follow meWatch how I maneuver, I influence the influencersThe flow is like the flu in influenza going through the motionSo I motivate all of my niggas, they tell me kill 'em with kindnessI'd rather kill 'em and they're other significants• “Lauder”Discussion Questions by /u/ItsBigVanilla• J.I.D. has been compared to other popular artists, such as Kendrick Lamar and Anderson .Paak. Do you think that his style is unique enough to forge a career that isn’t dependent on these comparisons?• What aspect of his music (i.e. songwriting, hooks, production, song structure, etc.) would you like to see J.I.D work on for his next project?• What’s your interpretation of the “cuckoo clock” interludes at the end of some of the songs? Do these bring the album together in some way or are they unnecessary?• Who would you like to see collab with J.I.D in the future? Which artists would fit well with his style?• Do you think that we will still be talking about J.I.D 5 years from now?Thanks to everybody for reading this. I just want to say that I loved this album, and that nearly all of my favorite albums this year have come by surprise. If I hadn’t randomly clicked on the [FRESH] thread for this album when it came out, I probably wouldn’t be writing this right now, so I encourage you all to do the same, even when a post doesn’t have much attention.Also, if you have a chance to see J.I.D and/or Earthgang live, don’t hesitate to do it. They put on an incredible show and they have ridiculous chemistry together. You won’t be let down, and you might as well get tickets while they’re cheap, because when these guys blow up it won’t be so easy to get that front row spot.