#its just that my brain wishes so much to have MORE inmy life
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#im too kind too caring for my own good...i forgive the unforgivable#i rationalize the bad...no one really understands how much i do for them#just need to remind myself everynow and again that yes the person i broke up with was really an actual asshole#lulu rambles#i did everything for them cared loved i had always been there for them#but it still never was enough#and i need to keep remembering that#i understand that nostalgia is a very powerful thing#it blinds and makes u think that yea u were happy with that person#but if u wind back time u realize no#not really#u read back the messages u look at old posts#and yea the anxiety rises back up again#u realize u werent perceptibley better then#and no she wasnt a good person either#its just that my brain wishes so much to have MORE inmy life#that it will crawl at even the slightest happy memory#remove its context and make me regret everything again#like Well Geee wouldnt u want to have that special feeling in your life again huh!#and that memory just so happens to be attached to people who are gone and i just really need things to be different so badly#to feel okay#but there was nothing happy about it#i wasnt happy with them#i was miserable and i need to remember that
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