#its my birthday go out and give ur OCs some love

[tiredsmashbros]

SMG34: LIPBITE COMIC WIP UPDATE

oh boy... i know a bunch of folks are hyped for this comic... and boy oh boy are ya'll's prayers going to be heard... kind of... butt for the celebration milestone, and granted majority are from this comic, i thought it was best to give EVERYTHING that i have currently.

starting off STRONG with what you freaks most want: the completed pages. andddd yep that's it that all that i have done LMAO. i've been fixated on my own smg4 oc: tsb, and during the end of my summer was unfortunately fucked over by some personal issues that fortunately got resolved last minute good grief the anxiety prevented me from drawing the gays sigh... aNYWAYS LINEART WIPS!!!!

here are linearts i have completed / in the progress of!! want to aim like i did in the past by finishing up lineart first, and then speed through with color + minor rendering. the reason i have a few colored is to test out what it would look polished and my god... i have improved A LOT. THESE GAY PEOPLE GIVE POWER I AM NOT KIDDING BELIEVE ME IM NOT CRAY- anyways onto wip pages!

jumpscare: tsb stickman sketches. oh yeah. this is how i sketch and i blame sensei eiichiro oda /j. and in case anyone is unable to understand it {i don't blame u LMAO}, smg4 wakes up from the dream and is startled to see mario by his bed. they have a short convo before mario leaves, and we get a job to smg4 in the bathroom trying to put up a brave face. until the moment he leaves he's stunned due to seeing smg3 at his front door. will i elaborate more on specifics or unwritten dialogue? NOPE! gotta keep secrets to make it even more enjoyable at the end!!

currently at 13 sketched pages total, but this is probably gonna be reaching towards 20-ish pages, surpassing part two, but it will depend on how i come up with how to end it. additionally to confirm there will be a PART FOUR / chapter 3, to end this story. my goal is to have it done before i finish my senior year, or at least during the summer after i graduate bc good lord who knows whats gonna happen.

and lastly, before i end this crazy update, SCRAPPED PAGESSS!!!!!

CONTENT WARNING : NSFW SKETCHES !!!! PLEASE LOOK AWAY IF YOU ARE A MINOR OR DON'T LIKE THIS TYPE OF STUFF!!!

oh boy... dont draw comics while sleep-deprived at 6am... idek what i was even aiming with this ngl other than just for fun, but i scrapped it due to not being what i had in mind for the story. if it doesn't serve a purpose or narrative, its bye bye YEAH BYE BYE THIS IS THE CLOSEST NSFW UR GONNA GET FROM ME HAHAHAHAHA- i say that despite writing a nsfw jojo wattpad smh im only confident doing it in words good lord. btw not watermarking these bc i gen don't care since they're legit scrapped {left top part was kept and completed} so idk what to do with these. im just throwing it and walkin away

now to end with this update, i can hear your question, "when will this be done?" and to answer that question: i'm not entirely sure due to my heavy focus on my smg4 oc: tsb, but my best chance is postponing my oc lore a bit and complete this before november UOIYGJDSIUHJKDWSXYUGHJKCS but we shall have too see...

if you want to join the ping list comment on this post LMAO [click]

ignore below if you're not from the tsb birthday partydddjdhdhdjd

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thurs: smg34 is canon in the tsb universe / au. though most of their encounters are platonic or best-friendy-way, they eventually express their feelings to one another and start dating 3/4’s way of the tsb storyline arc. tsb is a supporter of his friend's relationship and admires and takes inspiration from their relationship heavily to input his future love life. yearning to be in a similar position... to learn what is to really love someone... or what it's truly like to be loved...

[rose-png]

★i feel like it makes sense that i make an introduction post so here it is!!!

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INTRODUCTION I THINK!!

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✮hi!! my name is rose!! i also go by skull or creature :-]!!

✮i use any pronouns idrc lol

✮i am an aroace spec queer thing i don't rlly know yet :-]

✮i am 17!! (my birthday is on January 22 lol)

✮im an artist!! i mostly draw fanart and all that stuff :-D!!

✮im diagnosed with adhd + autism ^_^ please be patient with me!

✮im mixed :-D✌🏽

✮im not super active here because it's mostly for fanart and i don't wanna flood my other socials with just fanart :-] ill try to post more slowly though

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HYPERFIXATIONS + STUFF I LIKE!! :-D

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✸if the text is bold its a hyperfixation or something i talk about a lot!! please interact if u like them to plzplzplzplzplz✸

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☆ sockdotclips ocs (mostly patient hero if you could not tell idk i might like them idk just a guess!!)

☆ splatoon

☆ cats. just cats. any cats.

☆ gaming I guess im such a gamer guys hell yeah

☆Friday night funkin (to an extent not rlly)

☆phighting

☆regretevator

☆space stuff i fw space so heavy

☆postal (i love postal dude i think hes neat)

☆tf2 (been trying to get into it more)

☆madoka magcia

☆hfjone

(there's probably more so I'll edit it later when i can remember or if something changes LMFAO)

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DNI + ACCOUNT WARNINGS I GUESS??

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⚠️warning!: my account my contain some gore and scary shit sometimes idk, please proceed with caution before following!!

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do not interact if you do whatever below says idk just don't!!

●proshippers/comshippers or just anyone who takes such dark topics and makes it sexualized/romanticized.

●if you disrespect any of sockdotclips boundaries (you know who you are), get off my page, i will not tolerate that behavior, i will block you, i don't care. go away.

●nsfw accounts (im a minor and it makes me pretty uncomfortable, if you don't post it yourself then i guess i don't really care but your on kinda thin ice)

●alfred playhouse fans (it depends actually if ur not a weirdo but ur on liek thin ice kinda)

●motherfuckers that get into "shipping wars" or whatever its annoying shut up!!

●gooners. just don't please ew.

●terfs or bigots of any kind.

●pro-genocide people.

(this will probably be updated here and there, but this will do for now)

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OTHER SOCIALS I GUESS??

you can find me on these places ion know im mostly active on discord but i ain't giving that out willy nilly soo yeah!!

idk if these will all work so most of my socials are just a variant of "rose.png" or "flower.image" maybe even "sillylilcreature" go find it yourself idk lmfao

and my YouTube is basically completely dead i don't do anything on it so i don't feel the need to add it!! ill probably add more socials if i have any more i feel like adding

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thanks for reading :-D!! 🌹🫵🔥🗣️

sparkle on!! don't forget to smile or something idfk🗣️🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥⚠️

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[taegularities]

rid. RID.

i cant even greet u properly after THAT CHAPTER. my heart... its actually on the floor in a million pieces 💔

idk whether to hate jk or go give him a big ass hug (my poor baby is just misunderstood, pls dont drag him yall) 🫡 but bro he needs to let go of his SAVIOR COMPLEX AND JUST LISTEN TO HIS FEELINGS 🔫

i def feel bad for oc tho... is it too late to be #teamhoeoc? girl needs it (along with some therapy 💀) pls dont let her go to jin tho, that would be LOW

im actually so nervous for jk's bday 💀 before this chap i knew she would at least drop his present off, or like give it to tae to pass along. but bro... after he did THAT BS outside the theater... i wouldnt be surprised if she plans her date w hobi on his bday LMFAO

ur writing actually amazes me, time and time again rid 🫶 im beyond excited for the future chapters (pls give my heart a break this isnt healthy 🙏)

time to go reread cmi lights for the 6th time 🫡

- wife from war anon 💂‍♀️

i love the enthusiasm and hurt in this hahaha babe, i do wonder whether the hate-or-hug-dilemma will end once you've read the next chapter :') saviour complex is SO RIGHT THOUGH, oh my god, it's time to find out what's going through his head fr.

love how one of y'all said "how about jin?" and you're entirely against it 🤣 but you know, the birthday thing is interesting, bc not a lot of people are talking about it.. like what's gonna happen once the 1st of sept rolls around? HM...

and thank you, love 🥺 i've been preparing at least one wip that won't break anyone's heart, so let's hope for better times, in and outside cmi 💕 AND YESSSS, cmi4/lights supremacy, that's my favourite one, too 😭 enjoy, babe <333

[doodlesfromthebird]

Hi, Canary! It's really nice to see you back. You've been one of my favorite internet artists since I found your work a few years ago, and I really admire your sense of character and costume design! I found you through KH, but I've since fallen in love with your original characters and story ideas, which are lovely. I was wondering if you had any advice for someone hoping to develop their own original characters and worlds. I've been trying to for a few years, but it still feels pretty daunting.

Hello!! Oh my goodness, thank you so much. I'm so glad! ^u^ I absolutely can give some pointers!

Here's a little guide with a few methods I've used to creating characters and developing the world they live in. I'm by no means a writer of any kind (I rarely create stories, and struggle with plot) but I am passionate about developing funky little dudes who live in your brain.

Designing a Character - Make a list. I somewhat recently compiled a document full of design elements, tropes, personality types, aesthetics I generally really liked to help build a small cast of characters I knew I’d have fun designing for. Think about your favorite characters in media and what you like about them! It could be a great jumping point to creating an OC you’re passionate about. That goes for relationship dynamics, too! 

Grab a handful of things from that list, 5 or 6 maybe, and there ya go!

- Make a moodboard. I’ve used this method to create characters based on A VIBE and building off that.

I’ve even figured out personalities just based on the “aesthetic text” I found associated with a color. Part of Cherri’s backstory and personality came forth simply because I kept finding Marina lyrics in pink. - Try using online dress up games! I used to use Dolldivine all the time to get creative. -  In addition to mood boarding, pinterest can also be a good resource for design inspiration with official concept art for movies/games and assets of those sort of dress-up games readily available. CocoPPa is a good example! [Let’s please respect the wishes of individual artists and either give credit when posting for inspiration or respect their wishes if they state not to repost their work at all.]  - In depth character creators in video games! Or simple ones! I’ve built up such an affection for even a few of my stardew valley farmers with their own personal bits of lore, they could probably be stand alone characters separate from the game at this point. Sometimes developing a character from an established setting can be a good base. Dig some of your old fan characters out of the closet, even!

Get to know your character

Getting to know your OC is one of my favorite parts of the process, and is something I find really important if you want to get attached to them. And you should!! The more these guys are on your brain, the more you start asking questions about them, and the more bigger details start to fall into place. - Go broad. Say you have the base concept of a character with their situation, their goal in life, their goal in the present moment, and the past/future that will effect them. What lies do they believe as truth? How has their childhood effected their habits and views? What's one secret they keep to no one but themselves? Who are the most influential people in their past and in their day to day life? - Go detailed. They're practically a roommate living rent free in your mind, so think about what a day in their life is like. Observe how they do small things. What are they eating for breakfast? How do they carry themselves when they walk? Nervous habits? What are they wearing to go to get quinoa from trader joes??? Detail what a few hours of what it'd be like to observe them, doing what they do every day and how they'd do it. - Give them an interview. Here's a blank bio sheet with a detailed list of questions that could be fun to fill out at your leisure! A lot of good questions to chew on. - Or quite literally give them an interview. Pretend they're sat down to answer some questions and think about how multiple characters would answer the same question. Do they overshare? Are they curt and to the point? Do they frequently lie and contradict themselves? What questions take them off guard? - Write about your own experiences. Giving characters traits and experiences you can speak from in a detailed  can really flesh them out as people and gives them that relatability. Even if they’re decidedly different from you as a whole, there’s that point of connection that anchors them to you.

Worldbuilding...ish

Developing a world is a little less easy for me to give advice on, as I’m very character oriented, so my worldbuilding is more of starting with the bigger picture and then filling in details that would affect the character directly, while some other things aren’t as fleshed out and water tight. (I’m working on it!) Some universes have more to them than others simply due to how much time I’ve spent with them over the years. But it’s important, a lot of fun, and gives all the more weight to the universe you’re developing.

- Research. If you’re like me and either have no writing experience or have difficulty pulling key world-building aspects from imagination, there’s a PLETHORA of resources to learn from, a lot of it free and on youtube, even. Make yourself a playlist, grab a notepad and sit yourself down to gather info, and map things out. If you’re, say, creating a country from scratch, look into places with a similar climate and how it affects what species live there. I’ve been researching dining etiquette and shipbuilding lately! It would be of great help to learn from writers as well, if you aren’t one yourself. There's A Lot of advice out there. - Ask cause and effect questions. I create a lot for the fantasy genre, so I get to ask questions like...”What does a world being shaped by the gods/guardians look like? How has their presence influenced the mortals they look after? Their culture, their customs, the way they communicate?  What’s the actual truth of ancient happenings and what has been passed down through a long, long game of telephone? What is the truth current day people believe about magic, technology and historical events? What kind of questions could you ask from the world you’re creating? -Appease your inner child. Think back on what captured your attention as a kid and how you experienced them through your eyes at the time. What sort of things did you feel experiencing your favorite games, movies or books that you can still tap into through a nostalgic lens? I feel incredibly attached to my The Spiral OC universe when I’m playing Legend of Zelda games, especially Wind Waker. The mood, the sense of adventure. The feeling of sailing the seas, the quietness of Windfall at night, the reverent silence when arriving at Hyrule frozen in time.  Those feelings have lent an atmosphere to the world I’d go on to create for myself, and still illicit a strong emotional response when I visualize aspects of it. the adventure, the monsters, the sweet and emotional tone, and the heaviness of ancient legend lost to time. - Immerse yourself in other people’s worlds. Get into a tabletop game podcast of your preferred genre! You’ve got high fantasy dnd, but there’s also plenty of sci-fi, modern fantasy, post-apocalyptic, and more. Listening to multiple people work together to build their world (sometimes as they go a long!) can really get that creative juice a-flowing.  Critical Role and The Adventure Zone are big ones, but I also recommend SkyJacks, Friends at the Table, Dimension 20, Dungeons and Daddies and JemJammer! Worldbuilding prompts/generators!  X X X I hope ANY of this was helpful, I’m happy to answer specific questions as well. 

[1kook]

some way, some how

jeon jungkook x (f) reader

Summary: Maybe you don’t know Jungkook as well as you thought you did. Maybe he doesn’t know you. Warnings: emotional constipation, toxic ex, internalized misogyny, jk has bad experiences w/his ex’s dad, one scene where jk throws up, brief episode of panic, mentions of terminal cancer (minor); smut; fingering, praise kink, face fucking, spitting kink, cunnilingus, unprotected sex on top of a car im sorry Misc: autoshop owner!jk, businesswoman!oc, slice of life, childhood crushes, friends to lovers, ex gfs, pining, country bumpkin pjm w/crush on oblivious oc, ex-bf kth but it’s not real lol Wc: 19.4k (wow!!!)

the spirit of auto shop jk possessed me n next thing i knew i was 11k into a drabble. if ur curious: the 1975 corvette, car at the end, the tweed suitskirt (not actually chanel ☹️sowwyyy) also: this is the longest fic I've written!!!!! clap for me!!!!! i proofread the first few paragraphs n was like thats enough professionalism for the day

inspired by ain’t no mountain high enough one of my fave songs ever🥺 the title is a lyric from the song bc i love it so much enjoy !!

The garage is mostly dark when you enter, the faint hum of a radio quietly filtering through the stagnant room, its source coming from the back wall, where the only light is. It’s a rolling lamp, shining down an ugly yellow glow onto the figure of one man.

Jungkook’s sitting in that same rolling stool he always is, the metal one that’s rusted beyond repair, the cushion so uncomfortably flat. He’s caught up in whatever paint job he’s been tasked with this time around, a classic muscle car from what looks like the 80’s. He’s humming along to the radio, so caught up in stenciling out his design that he doesn’t notice you creep behind him until you’re very purposefully rattling the tool cart beside him, a teasing “boo!” making him jump.

“Fuck, you scared me,” he gasps, rubs over his chest as if to check if his heart is in fact still there. You grin, brandish your bag of takeout out for him before he can lecture you on the dangers of startling people who work around very complex machinery. Instead, all he says is, “you’re an angel.”

Once you’ve got the food carefully scattered across his work bench, your cherry cola tucked next to a canister of gasoline like that’s the safest practice, Jungkook wastes no time diving into all the details of his project, the 1975 Chevy Corvette behind him. The longer you look at it, the more you feel you’ve seen it somewhere. Probably a car show, you presume.

“Purrs like a kitten,” he sighs dreamily, completely ignoring the way half his toppings slide out from the opposite end of his cheeseburger. You don’t, and you swipe a fallen pickle from his tray before he can catch you.

“A kitten?” You ask, glance over at the car. It’s desperately in need of a paint job, and you only realize this now as you stare at it more in depthly. The niggling feeling that you know this car is still there, but you ignore it in favor of indulging your best friend. “Don’t people usually compare cars to bigger, better cats?”

There’s a taped stencil running alongside the car, a thick stripe followed by a thinner one, and you suppose Jungkook’s trying to spice her up, give her back the same youthfulness she probably had in her prime. What better way to do so than by adding some classic stripes alongside it.

Jungkook hums, gulps down his soda noisily. “Not this one. Never heard an engine as soft as hers.”

You roll your eyes. For a minute, the two of you quietly chew through your burgers, the radio filling in the gaps while you analyze the car. You know this car, but you can’t remember where. Jungkook coughs into his palm, probably from trying to inhale his fries too fast like he does every time you go to the diner you’re eating from today.

The diner.

A mouthful of braces. A pretty waitress. A strict dad.

“Holy shit, this is Sojin’s dad’s car,” you inhale, the memories from high school suddenly hitting you full force. Jungkook chokes, out of surprise this time, and furiously goes to deny your claims. “This is totally his car. The one he tried to run you over with when he caught you trying to put her on the back of your bike.”

“He didn’t try to run me over,” Jungkook whines, and the tips of his ears are red from your revelation.

You glare. “Why are you fixing that asshole’s car for him?” You interrogate, the last quarter of your burger forgotten in favor of squeezing the truth out of him. You’d had enough of that treacherous woman and her equally deranged father causing Jungkook trouble, and to catch him still helping her now, almost ten years later, was enough to make a brain vessel pop.

He shrugs, avoids your eyes as he picks through his fries. The radio is still on, some tune you recognize from those old days at the diner when Jungkook had become so unbelievably smitten with the part timer that served you milkshakes every Wednesday afternoon.

He had been in love with her the moment he saw her, and the look in his eyes was only magnified by those dorky glasses he wore pre-lasik. You'd been his friend long enough, recognized the jump of his scrawny thigh beneath the table. Like a bunny, thumping in excitement at the sight of her.

Sojin was... full of surprises.

She was nothing less than a supermodel, long legs carrying her around the diner as if it was her runway. She was nice too, so you hadn’t originally had an excuse to dislike her. She was nice, and so endeared with your best friend that it was inevitable when they began dating. Her presence consumed the end of your high school careers, overtook the time that should have been yours and Jungkook’s last year before being thrown into adulthood. He decided on studying at a technical school nearby—per your encouragement to save money—while you travelled five hours out for your degree in business. That last year, when you had finally come to terms with your feelings, had been so painfully ripped away by Sojin and her never-ending list of teenage drama, and by Sojin’s dad and his overbearing need to police her and Jungkook every chance he got.

Jungkook still hung out—“Sojin was busy, do you wanna do something?”—but more often than not those hang outs consisted of Jungkook telling you about her and her dad, about how hard he tried to get into his good graces.

The bike incident had only been one of many. Times where Jungkook would put his heart—and life—on the line for that girl only for it to be in vain every time she broke up with him over the simplest things. You’d heard stories from Jungkook, all told with a tight smile, of a handshake that would bruise, a man chasing him with a bat, of a car following him to school. All things he put up with for a girl who didn’t care for him. One day, after Jungkook had grudgingly sat through an hour long dinner with her family, the stare of her father piercing through him, she broke up with him because she didn’t like how long his hair had gotten.

(If anyone were to ask you, he was handsome with long hair. Dreamy even.)

He cut it that same day.

As her childishness grew, you quickly came to dislike her. She strung Jungkook around, you thought, and just when you thought she was finally done toying with him and making his life difficult in the sneakiest ways, the damn kid started hitting the gym. His growing frame, toned arms and now straightened teeth had turned him into a heartthrob, and Sojin was just as aware of this as you were. “Don’t we look perfect together?” She’d ask, twirl around him like they were on the cover of a magazine and not standing on his chipped front porch.  

Needless to say, by the time graduation had rolled around you despised the woman. You absolutely disliked how she treated Jungkook, how she let her father treat Jungkook without ever stepping up and defending him. Granted, you didn’t know exactly what went on in her household behind closed doors, you’d seen enough of her uncaring attitude to want to ram her and her dad’s head against the hood of the car.

Which is why seeing the old car, in Jungkook’s shop nonetheless, was rekindling a boiling hatred in your chest. “That man should rot in hell for all he put you through,” you huff, glare at the car like it holds some magical connection to him and he can feel the intensity of your stare.

“___,” Jungkook scolds, swirls his cup around to distract himself. “He was just trying to protect his only daughter,” he defends, quietly, like it’s what he tells himself to justify all those years of mistreatment. Even when he and Sojin had continued through college, it had never stopped. You, being five hours away, couldn’t do a damn thing. “Besides, the guy’s old as hell now.”

You snort, finally breaking your staring match with the car. Glancing at Jungkook, he’s got that same forlorn expression on his face, the one he started wearing when he first came to terms with the fact that her dad would never like him. There was a time it was stuck permanently on his face, the pressure and the discomfort that came from the father of the girl you’ve dated for five years looking at you like you were nothing more than a speck of dirt on the bottom of his shoe.

When you came back from school, educated and confident, you almost didn’t recognize your best friend. Tall and broad, tattoos splattered over his arm. Hair long like you loved it, but eyes still as round and wondrous as they’d been when you were kids. He had his own place now, he told you, and you vaguely remembered all the times he mentioned him and Sojin moving in together, mentally preparing yourself to see that wench for the first time in a while.

Much to your surprise, there was no Sojin in sight. No lingering artifacts of her presence. Nothing that showed she existed in this space besides an ugly orange mug she’d given him for his birthday one year, tucked into the very back of his cabinets. They’d broken up, he explained. Almost immediately after graduation.

After stringing him along for the better part of five years, she had decided this wasn’t what she wanted. No, what she wanted was a man ten years her senior with an abundance of cash to flow. Jungkook hadn’t cried. Hadn’t even looked the tiniest bit upset when you ordered pizza and drank some beer, watched your favorite episodes of The Simpsons like you were seventeen and avoiding your homework again.

You stayed the night, a little too tipsy to drive home. Besides, Jungkook had a spare bedroom. It was a room beside his, just a full bed with a chest of drawers. You liked it, liked the scent of him surrounding you after only seeing each other for a couple weeks in between months of distance. You liked it, because when he shifted in bed you realized the beds were pressed against the same wall, and you liked it until the shared wall spared you no secrets, and you listened to him quietly sob into his pillow.

“Old or not, he’s still the devil,” you murmur, snapping back to the present where Jungkook is wheeling himself closer to the car again. “Where did you find that thing anyway?”

He stays silent, quietly pretending like he still has something to do on the car besides paint it. Then, “I bumped into Sojin at the store.”

You sigh, drop your head between your shoulders. You can only imagine what whirlwind of a sob story she had to throw on him to win this favor.

“Kook,” you start, gauging his reaction only from his backside. His muscles ripple beneath his dark t-shirt, his usual red jumpsuit knitted around his waist. “What happened?”

Again, silence.

You say nothing, let him sort through the hurt on his own while you creep up behind him, sliding your hands over his shoulders and pressing down on the cricks behind his neck. He melts into your touch, head lolling forwards as a quiet sigh escapes him.

“She told me she was low on cash, and she needed the car to get to work,” he confesses, and from his ducked position, his voice trembles. You roll your eyes.

“And the paint job?”

A particularly rough press of your fingers has a whimper escaping him. God, this boy needed to see a chiropractor and a masseuse soon. All that hunching over and under these cars was doing a number on his back.

“I… I figured I might as well fix up the exterior too.” Of course he would, you think, Jungkook’s heart was stupidly big and easy to manipulate. He would get so swept up in it sometimes, trying to do the best he can for everyone’s benefit that he’d ignore himself.

You sit in his confession, fingers digging into his skin for a few minutes as you consider what to say.

The mature adult in you, the logical half of you, wants to hit him upside the head, scold him for letting that wench into his life again so easily. You were going on twenty-six now, all three of you, and you didn’t have time to be fixing him every time that childish woman decided to toy with him. Granted, it’s been four years since you last saw her, since you heard him muffle his cries on the other side of the wall, and you liked to think Jungkook was a respectful adult of society now. He didn’t have time to get dragged around by self-absorbed women with insane fathers.

The other part, the best friend since childhood, wants to run away. Wants to pack Jungkook into a suitcase and take him far away from here and from her. Unlike you, who now lived in the city, Jungkook had stayed in your small hometown, a quiet place just outside the bustling city. It was difficult to ensure his happiness when you were always forty-five minutes out of reach. It would be so much easier to just take him and fly to another province, maybe on the beach, Jungkook loved the beach.

“Listen,” he says, successfully pulling you out from your spiral. “I know what you’re gonna say and I just wanna tell you it’s not like that.”

You blink, hands stilling on his shoulders. Your lack of movement allows him to spin around on his chair, gaze up at you with the same shiny gaze he’s given you ever since you were kids. “I’m just doing her this tiny favor. She looked...” he trails off, face scrunching to find the words.

“Like shit?” You propose, and he smiles. “Like flaming dumpster shit behind a club?”

Jungkook laughs, loud and beautiful. You want to kiss the mole beneath his lip.

“She looked bad, okay?” He settles, reaches forward to take your palm in his. You’re standing between his thighs, and you wonder how he would have acted if you were Sojin. “Don’t think things worked out with that CEO she was dating. I’m just giving her a push.”

You sigh, try to push those crestfallen sobs to the back of your head. “Okay,” you agree, briefly glancing back at the damn car. “You fix her car, and that’s it,” you state. Jungkook nods, makes a little X over his heart. He knows how much you hate that woman. “No funny business.”

“No funny business,” he agrees, then reaches down for a white spray can. “You wanna spray some dicks on it before I paint it?”

“Please,” you laugh, taking the face mask he offers you with a grin.

—

One day your car starts making a weird noise as you pull out of the underground parking garage of your building. It’s somewhere between a pig squealing and metal scraping. You’ve been around Jungkook long enough to know this is probably something to do with your breaks, something about them being loose or old, one of the two. You have a short day at work today. There’s repairs being done to the office you work at, so everyone’s been spending more time working from home.

You leave work a little after two pm, head pounding from the hour long meeting you sat through, the mediocre business proposals your boss had asked you to look through and file. There’s a hefty load of emails waiting in your inbox, mostly the interns requesting you write them a recommendation letter. You’ll have to look through those later, pick out the good ones and write them each a unique piece kissing the ground they walk on.

The scent of freshly fried donuts hits your nose as you pull into your old town; the bakery down the road from Jungkook’s has their windows open. You can already taste the sweetness on the tip of your tongue, the iced coffee cooling your insides as you sit and watch Jungkook work on your car.

Jungkook’s shop is on the corner of the street, takes up a huge chunk with it’s massive garage and driveway; the office area is tiny compared to the sheer size of the actual work floor. There’s music blaring through the overhead speakers, and when you pull in you recognize it as Jimin’s playlist.

“Morning, Miss,” the country bumpkin says, leaning against your car door as you rifle through your purse. “What’re you in for?”

“Hi, Jimin,” you reply sweetly, take his hand as he helps you out the door. You very vaguely explain the noise your car had made that morning, glancing around the shop as Jimin gets to work inspecting it. “Where’s Jungkook?”

Jimin’s waving over some other employees, all greeting you in their matching red jumpsuits. “Kook’s in the office,” he tells you, and it’s almost sensual the way his hand glides over your palm for your keys. God, you needed to get laid. “Has some lady friend in there with him.”

You pause, the bustling of the crew behind you fading into the background. Something inside you snaps, and you whirl around the garage, before catching sight of a 1975 Chevy Corvette, almost unrecognizable from how you’d last seen it. It’s bright red now, a color you only briefly saw before you’d left the other night, with two, lightning bolt racing stripes decorating each side. It looks new, almost in mint condition, and the fact it’s still here has you storming through the garage.

Your heels clack loudly, the crew moving to the side as you torpedo straight into the offices. You barely remember to greet the receptionist before you’re stomping straight into the main office.

There’s no knock, no warning given, before you’re flinging the door open, seeing exactly what you’d expected. 

“___,” Jungkook stutters, jumping onto his feet from his position on the couch. He looks frantic, wide eyes flickering between you and the woman sitting in front of him, her back turned to you. But you’d recognize that silhouette anywhere.

“Did you say ___?” She says, and she’s still as tall and as beautiful as you remember her. Had it not been for the heels you wore, you don’t doubt she’d tower over you. She flashes you a killer smile, lips carefully painted red. It almost looks murderous. “My! ___, you haven’t changed a bit,” Sojin exclaims, rushing around the couch to pull you into a tight hug. You don’t return it.

You let her cling to you for a second, before pushing her away as gently as you can by the shoulders. As much as you’d like to rip her in half, tear her apart for all she did to Jungkook, you won’t. You’re older now, elegant in all the ways you weren’t before. It would be a huge disservice to your maturity if you shoved your heel up her ass right now.

“It’s lovely seeing you, Sojin,” you smile, taking her hand in yours.

Besides, being a woman in business meant you knew better, more creative ways to strike.

“And your boyfriend?” You ask, tilting your head in staged confusion. You even glance around the office, like you’ll find the geezer hiding behind the potted plant or Jungkook’s frozen figure. “The rich one with the huge company? Did he come with you today?”

Her smile tightens, red lips pursed as she gauges you with those cat eyes that haunt your nightmares every now and then. “My ex-boyfriend,” she corrects after a minute, pastes a forlorn expression onto her features. “We’ve separated, and you know how it is for women like us,” she jests. “We need a man to push us along—“

“Do we?” You ask, think back on all those years of school, of studying and working and pushing yourself, all the time you spent investing in yourself for yourself. “I don’t think so,” you contemplate. “It’s really embarrassing if you can’t care for yourself without the help of a man. Almost like you don’t trust in your own abilities, and ride other’s coattails instead.”

A beat of silence. Two completely different worlds, and Jungkook hovering awkwardly beside you.

Two palms grasp your shoulders from behind, and when you turn Jungkook is smiling at you, forced and stressed like he can’t stand to be in this uncomfortable situation any longer. “Well,” he announces, pushing you behind him as he guides Sojin towards the door. “There was an issue with her car, so I’ll just check on it real quick, okay?”

You nod, feel empty as he takes her by the wrist, and not you. He hands her her purse, palm on the small of her back as they exit the office. When the door clicks shut behind them, you throw your own handbag at the ground, barely stop yourself from stomping like a child.

Instead, you breathe in, hold it, and exhale, just like your Tuesday yoga instructor taught you. By the time you’ve collected yourself a few minutes have passed, so you kneel down to gather your fallen lipstick tubes and cellphone from the floor, scooping them back into your purse.

Tugging the door shut behind you, you mindlessly wander down the hall, until you reach the small receptionist area and nearly get jumped by Kim Taehyung. “Holy shit, you won’t believe this,” he gasps, takes you by the shoulders and nearly shakes you until your brain falls out through your ears. You would have slapped him, had this been any other man, but he’s quite possibly the only man besides Jungkook you’d let jostle you like this. “You’ll never guess who just left the office with J—wait,” he pales, suddenly connecting two and two, your exit from said offices definitely a key factor in whatever conclusion he’s drawn. “You were in the office with Hwang Sojin and you didn’t kill her?!”

You huff, let him shake you again until you’re nearly tripping in your heels. “Yes, I know,” you groan, finally slap his hands away when you begin to feel this morning’s breakfast bubbling from all the motion. “I’m surprised too.”

“Wow,” Taehyung marvels, leans back against the receptionist desk even though the poor girl has told him time and time again not to. He ignores her, something he can do as second best friend to the boss. “Remember when she showed up crying outside his mom’s house and you threw a potted plant at her? Oh how the great have fallen.”

Rolling your eyes, you drift over to the plexiglass window in the office that looks out across the entirety of the garage floor. In the corner, Jungkook’s got the hood of the Corvette open as he works away on something, Sojin tapping at her phone beside him. “Why are you here, Tae?”

He steps beside you, tuned into the same scene. “Can’t visit my ex-girlfriend every now and then?” He teases, you groan.

“We dated for three days, dude, let it go,” you whine, and watch with rapt attention as Jungkook motions for her to start the engine. She does, and it purrs to life, soft and silky just like Jungkook said it does. She squeals and claps, launches herself into his arms in thanks. You look away.

“Yuck,” Taehyung gags and you couldn’t agree more. “Can’t believe you ended the best 72 hours of my life for that pinhead and the hussy attached to his hip.”

He shrieks when you pinch his side, and you take great satisfaction in the judgemental stare half the crew sends him through the glass. After all, they weren’t soundproof. “You embarrassed me and my brand,” he huffs, crossing his arms as the two of you return to watching Jungkook and the hussy.

“He’s not a pinhead,” you softly retort, watch him wipe a bead of sweat off his forehead as he waves her off. Sojin sends him a brigade of air kisses, none of which he catches. A sick sense of glee consumes you at the sight, but then he’s turning to stare directly at you and Taehyung through the glass, and the both of you quickly whirl away.

“His ability to find you in less than a second is so weird,” Taehyung shivers, and you ignore it, taking the candy from the bowl on the receptionist desk. She doesn’t care, having heard these conversations more than enough times to get the general gist of what you and Taehyung gossip about. You’re surprised she’s never mentioned it to Jungkook before.

Regardless, you listen to Taehyung complain about his life for a few more minutes, before Jimin’s sweet voice pops into the room. His ash blonde hair is all ruffled, and there’s something dark smeared over his otherwise perfect skin as he tells you your car is fixed. Taehyung bids you goodbye, and Jimin walks you back to your car out on the garage floor.

“All set, miss,” Jimin grins, puts a hand against the car so you don’t hit your head as you go in. You thank him, and don’t miss the way he lingers by your window.

“Is something wrong?” You ask, tilt your head quizzically. Jimin’s cheeks flush, and he looks shyly at the ground.

“Actually, I was wondering if—“

“___,” Jungkook calls, jogging over beside Jimin, who looks almost ashamed to be caught doing...whatever it was he was gonna do. Jungkook glances at him, catches him in some weird staring contest before crouching down to your window. “You needed your car fixed? Why didn’t you tell me?”

You blink, don’t know how to politely tell him he was too busy kissing the ass of his toxic ex-girlfriend to help you out. “Jimin helped me,” you smile, the same practiced expression you’ve mastered since college. You usually get by, usually trick people with that look, but not with him. Jungkook knows you too well, knows that look, and knows you’re holding yourself back. “You were busy.”

His lips part in surprise, tugged downwards with the hint of a frown. “I,” he stutters, looks at Jimin, who doesn’t seem that impressed with him either. “I… I would’ve came if you called.”

You tug your sunglasses out from their little case, slide them over the bridge of your nose as you strap your seatbelt over yourself. “Would you though?” You ask, flash him another polite smile before shifting your car’s gears. Jimin walks off, clears the path for you to exit, and with just Jungkook standing there, you speak freely. “I would hate to distract you from something important.”

—

Some of the proposals end up being better than expected, and after carefully sifting through them, your boss asks you to sit through presentations for the next few days. Your time gets consumed in graphs and budgets. There’s a multitude of businesses you have to look into, some big and well-known, and others small and local. You drive around the city one day, visiting business after business, until your ankles hurt in your heels and your cheeks hurt from all the smiling. Your only comfort is the nice Chanel skirt suit you’re wearing that makes you feel like the most important person in the room wherever you go.

By the time the week’s over, there’s a thin cut forming on the back of your ankles from all the walking you’ve done in your heels. You slump against your front door, tossing your heels in the vague direction of the closet before padding through your house.

You nearly scream yourself sore at the figure in your kitchen, hunched over what looks to be a hastily made cake with a number three candle. “Oh my god,” you seethe, turning the overhead light on to illuminate Jungkook’s grinning figure, dirty and sweaty from work. You glance at the clock on the stove; it’s only been about an hour since his garage closed.

“Surprise!” He exclaims, and you’re not the slightest bit amused when he begins humming the happy birthday song on a day that is definitely not your birthday.

When he’s done, you don’t clap and his beaming smile doesn’t waver. “It is not my birthday,” you calmly state, placing your leather padfolio on the counter.

Jungkook blows the candle out for you. “It’s the birthday of when we first met,” he explains, and gets to cutting the cake. How he remembers such a day, you don’t know. You do know that this is his mom’s birthday cake recipe, and you love that. “Can you believe it? Friends for almost three decades.”

“Almost,” you repeat, dutifully sitting across from him and taking the plate he offers. He nods at you like a bobblehead. 

His eyes are sparkly and big, like he’s drunk, and it’s only then you notice the red wine on the table, bottle open and halfway done. You set your fork down, grasp the neck of the bottle in your hand. “Have you been drinking?” You ask, even though the answer stares you right in the face. You frown. “You hate drinking.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, shovels more cake into his mouth to delay his response. “Needed it,” he offhandedly explains, nearly eats the candle but you jump forward to snatch it off his fork before he can.

“What do you mean?” You inquire. You’re not hungry anymore, too interested in whatever’s going on in his head to make him think he needs to be drunk around you.

Jungkook gulps, reaches forward for more wine but you cradle the bottle to your chest. You nearly gasp when he levels you with a real, stony glare, the expression out of place on his face. “Cuz you’re mad,” he huffs. “At me.”

There was a time you would coddle Jungkook’s every mistake, never let him think he was at fault for anything. You’d grown out of it shortly before high school, recognizing boys were stupid no matter how much you tried to prove otherwise. Since then, you’ve watched him get into trouble time and time again—Sojin being the prime example—and only intervened when absolutely necessary. Some part of you, the half that hates seeing him upset, wants to tell him you’re not. The mature part in you, however, doesn’t let that happen.

“I am,” you agree, watch his eyes widen almost comically at your admission. You set the wine bottle back on the table, leaning your chin on your palm as you level him with the most unimpressed gaze you can. “I’m furious, actually.”

He whimpers, actually whimpers like a kicked puppy, and you can almost see the metaphorical ears pressed against his head and the tail tucked between his legs. His lips are big and pouty, stained from the wine. You’d love to know what they feel like.

Jungkook’s vulnerability lasts all of three seconds, before he’s shaking himself out of whatever emotional pit his foggy brain has him in. “Well, it’s dumb,” he spits, and it’s your turn to sit in shock. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

“Excuse me?” You ask, incredulously, because this has never happened before. Are you overprotective and sometimes overbearing? Sure. Has Jungkook ever voiced discomfort with that before? Never. “I’m not telling you what to do,” you sneer, crossing your arms over your chest.

He rolls his eyes, pushes away from the table like a moody teen. You know it’s because he’s drunk, because he’s not himself, but you have to remind yourself that he obviously felt this way somewhere in his heart to voice it to you now. “You’re not my mom.”

You choke. “I’m not!” You angrily agree, pushing away from the table as well.

Jungkook snarls, “well you sure do love acting like her.” He picks up his plate, glances over at you with a look in his eyes that can only be likened to that of a sneaky cat, and then purposefully shoves the bread and frosting down the garbage disposal in the sink. You shriek, fly around the table and shove him away.

“What is wrong with you?” You seethe, push him away rudely with a hand on his face. Jungkook stumbles back, slips on the floor and nearly cracks his head on the corner of the counter. “Oh my god,” you exclaim, abandoning the sink in favor of watching the way his face twists up at the sudden motion, stomach contracting beneath his black t-shirt, cheeks puffing. “Oh god, oh god,” you stammer, tugging him to his feet with the strength only a panicked individual about to see an entire cake regurgitated onto their kitchen tile can have.

You’ve barely kicked the door to the bathroom open when Jungkook begins throwing up, gooey vomit spewing from his mouth and onto the floor. It touches your arm, and you shriek before shoving him in the general direction of the toilet.

“Ew, ew,” you freak, shoving your hand under the sink faucet to get that gross feeling away. You wanna vomit yourself, but you tell yourself there can only be one sick person at a time, and right now it’s Jungkook.

He’s got his head in the toilet, disgusting sounds echoing off the ceramic of it. By the time you’ve calmed down and washed your arm thrice, you move over to pull his bangs away from his face, letting him hurl in peace.

“I’m sorry,” he mopes, spews another round of birthday cake into the toilet.

You look away, blindly reach out to turn the bathroom fan on. “Mhm,” you nod, rubbing a hand over his back. Jungkook nods sadly against the toilet seat.

“‘M sorry,” he repeats, gags around nothing but the gross feeling left in his throat. “I-I know you just want…” a pause as he considers throwing up some more, “...want what’s best for me.”

“I do,” you agree, wipe a hand down the side of his face that he leans into. “Not trying to be your mom,” you assure him, and he snorts.

“Be a good mom,” he murmurs, so soft you don’t hear him. You hum, leaning closer and he repeats it. “You’d be… a good mom.”

Not knowing what to do with that information, you just pat his back until he falls asleep, cheek against the toilet seat.

—

“Woah, the sexual tension in this garage is off the charts,” Taehyung blurts from behind you, and you smack your clipboard against his chest. “Oof,” he grunts, rubbing his chest like it actually hurt. “You doing finances for him again?” He asks and you nod.

In an ideal world, Taehyung would leave upon finding out you’re busy. In this world, he simply leans into your personal space, nearly knocking you into an empty tool cart. “Oooh, an extensive list of all the money Jungkook’s stupidly blown this month. How much did he spend on neon signs this time?”

You relent, showing him the shop’s finances. Anywhere else, revealing a business’s finances without the consent of the owner would be a federal crime. Here, it’s the equivalent of showing Taehyung Jungkook’s browser history. “He spent how much on window tint?!”

“A lot,” you say.

There’s a whistle from across the garage, the shop’s resident country bumpkin Park Jimin standing at the huge garage doors with his hand on his hip. “No fraternizing, please.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Boooo,” he shouts, peels himself away from you to flick an impolite finger Jimin’s way. “He’s just jealous,” he tells you, and you frown.

“Of what?” You ask, and Taehyung nearly loses his shit.

“My precious ___,” he sighs, leans his forehead on your shoulder. “So beautiful and smart, yet so slow.” You flick the side of his forehead just as Jungkook strolls by and, seeing your attack, slaps the back of Taehyung’s neck. “Why do you guys hate me!” Taehyung exclaims, jumping at least five feet away from you and Jungkook’s giggling forms.

“How’s it going?” Jungkook asks you, completely ignoring Taehyung’s soulful cries as he glances over your shoulder at the clipboard. You tilt it his way, but he stands close anyway, until you can feel his breath huffing against the back of your neck.

“Okay, but you’re spending a lot of money stockpiling on things that haven’t shown signs of running out yet,” you explain, pointing at the window tint that had astonished Taehyung only a moment ago.

Jungkook grimaces, pink tongue swiping across his lip as he looks at the total amount he’s spent the last three months. “Well, it’s a good thing I have my accountant,” he grins, throwing an arm over your shoulder.

“Not your accountant,” you correct, “just a friend who doesn’t wanna see you run your business to the ground from overspending.”

Jungkook waves you off, and Taehyung tries to sneak into the receptionist office behind you, but Jungkook catches him with his free hand. “This is the life,” he sighs, wistfully gazing over the garage floor. It reeks of motor oil and car paint.

“Count me out,” Taehyung snorts, voicing your disinterest toward such greasy and smelly work. He tries to wiggle out of Jungkook’s hold, but the muscle bunny only straps an arm around his neck, until Taehyung’s squirming and clawing for air against the red sleeve of his jumpsuit.

“My own successful business, a shitload of sexy cars, and of course,” he pauses, squeezes the two of you tighter until you’re both groaning. “My two best friends.” The sap has the gall to peck the top of your heads, and that seems to be the final straw for Taehyung who rips himself away.

“Have this lovefest somewhere else, man,” Taehyung says, flattening his rumpled clothing down. “You’re really putting a nail in my reputation around here.”

Jungkook cackles, mindlessly goes to wrap himself around you from behind. “Your reputation has been trash since that scream you let out the other day,” he informs him, swaying the two of you back and forth. Your heart thunders in your chest, and you just barely manage to avoid Taehyung’s pointed stare.

“Whatever, I’m outta here.” With Taehyung peaced out, you’re left in Jungkook’s arms, gazing over his business like two old lovers. It makes your chest tight, so you quickly go to shake him off.

“We’re okay?” Jungkook murmurs, so soft you almost don’t hear. He’s got his hand wrapped around your wrist, thumb massaging over the bone there like he’s afraid you’ll bolt the second he lets you go.

You nod, tuck the clipboard to your side. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

Those sad puppy eyes, pouty lips turned southward. You want to wipe that look off his face. He sighs, glances at where your skin meets and gives it a squeeze. “I’ve been an ass lately,” he settles on saying. “Said some mean things and ruined your bathroom rug—I’m sorry.”

You don’t know what to say.

Jungkook takes your silence as understanding, reaching down to hold both your hands in his slightly dirty ones. “It won’t happen again. I’d rather lose a million friends than lose you,” he confesses, and something about it feels too real, too raw. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

You nod, the constricting feeling in your throat only tightening when he smiles at you, those gentle eyes and plush lips for only you to see. You want to kiss him, swallow him whole. Right here on the garage floor so everyone knows he’s yours.

But you can’t because he’s not.

You settle on swinging your arms between you. “Just don’t do anything stupid,” you warn him, narrowing your eyes playfully. There’s a heavy feeling in your heart, something akin to anguish, but you could never voice it out loud.

“I won’t,” Jungkook promises.

—

Jungkook visits again on a weekday, and you nearly send him straight home when he brandishes another bottle of wine in your face. “It’s nonalcoholic!” He exclaims before you can shut the door on him, foot lodged against the frame. You give in.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” You ask, curling up on the couch in just your shorts and huge t-shirt. Jungkook pops the bottle open, pouring the wine into two limited edition Shrek 2 cups you pulled out from the depths of your cabinet.

“Can’t hang with my bestie?” He throws back at you, snatching the remote from your hands before you can click on another episode of that dumb housewives show. You end up watching National Geographic, some documentary about the role of bioluminescent shrimp in the sea.

“Aw look, they’re kissing,” he cooes at a pair of seahorses that wander across the screen halfway through a shot of some school of shrimp. “How romantic.”

“Wonder what that’s like,” you comment, not thinking too much on the meaning behind your words until you can feel Jungkook’s stare pierce your cranium. “What?”

“You’ve never been kissed?” He blurts, and you choke on your wine.

“You were my first kiss,” you remind him, flush at the memory of the two of you sitting criss-cross applesauce on his bed, knees knocking in what was probably the worst first kiss in the history of first kisses.

Jungkook blinks. “Oh yeah,” he laughs. “With the Tony Hawk poster behind my bed, right?”

“The one and only.”

Jungkook hums, and the two of you melt back into the silence. Nice aquatic sounds fill the room, the camera panning over more colorful fish that Jungkook oohs at appreciatively. You don’t really pay attention, more interested in the way the wine swirls in your cup and the way you can feel Jungkook’s thigh pressed against your knee, like when you were thirteen and trying something new.

You know it doesn’t mean a lot to him. Just another silly childhood memory of you. Not like you have hundreds, thousands of them with each other. By the way he’d blurted the question, you doubt he even remembered it most days. But you did.

It plagued your mind all the time, the soft feel of his mouth and the trembling hand that had held yours. You wonder if he kisses the same still, lips gently puckered. He’s had years to learn, half a decade to get creative with Sojin, and the past four years of being a bachelor to explore more.

You’ve kissed too, plenty of guys who had no meaning and ones you thought would replace him. But it’d been a long time since you’ve let anyone into your bed, more content to please yourself without the overbearing weight of feelings and emotions to wrap around your throat.

Jungkook coughs, and you shake yourself from your thoughts.

He’s looking at you inquisitively, like he can’t get his usual read on you and would rather just ask what’s wrong. “You don’t,” a pause, “hang out with guys?”

It’s devastatingly cute, the way he asks if you’re fucking, and you want to pinch his cheeks. Instead you shake your head, try to hide the grin on your face from his inquisitive expression. “Just you and Taehyung,” you admit.

Jungkook nods. “Do you and Tae…?”

You shake your head furiously. “No! God no, we don’t do anything like that,” you clarify, the thought of Taehyung in your bed enough to make you want to gag.

Jungkook says nothing, just turns back to the documentary to watch more Nemos and Dorys flit across the screen. You polish off your cup of wine, leaning forward to settle it back on the coffee table. As you settle back into the couch cushions, Jungkook speaks again. “So you take care of yourself?”

You freeze.

“Yeah,” you admit after one complete meltdown in your head. Where was this coming from? Why did he want to know? You and Jungkook were close, but you never did this. You never divulged the details of your sex life, never bragged about who you slept with or how many there were. What was going on?

Jungkook doesn’t say anything after that, just turns his attention back to the tv screen, where you’re almost certain the sea horses from before are fucking. Not that you know what it looks like, but you hope at least someone in this room was enjoying themselves and not drowning in the mortification of having their life long crush ask them if they masturbate.

“So, do you use your hands or a toy?”

You choke, slap your chest to ease the pounding of your heart at Jungkook asking such a question. “E-Excuse me?” You ask, scandalized that Jungkook, your sweet and caring childhood friend turned Fabio, could ask you such a bold question about your personal affairs.

“What?” Jungkook says, like he truly doesn’t see the inappropriateness of the situation. He even raises his eyebrows at you, as if urging you to answer the question.

You sigh, fight the flush of your cheeks and stare idly at the cups on the table. “A toy. Hands don’t feel good,” you curtly reply, crossing your arms over your chest and straightening your legs off the couch, hoping that’s the end of his curiosity. This was enough to fuel your 3am anxiety meltdowns for the next five years.

Jungkook nods, and you can feel his penetrating gaze on the side of your face again. A great white shark swims across the screen. Jungkook strikes. “My hands feel good.”

“Jungkook!” You exclaim in horror (and excitement, but you’ll pretend it wasn’t there). “What has gotten into you?”

“What!” Jungkook defends, Bambi eyes looking at you like you’re the unreasonable one here. “We’re having a civil conversation in which I’m trying to open up your worldview.”

You’re flabbergasted. “This is not a civil conversation, what are you even talking about?” You scold, tug your arms around yourself like it’ll actually protect you from the words that don’t seem to be filtering out of his mouth properly. “Why are you so concerned about that?” You interrogate, hope your forceful tone will scare him away.

It doesn’t. Jungkook shrugs, some noncommittal i dont know sound. “I can’t be interested in what you get up to? What my best friend gets up to?” It’s the obvious emphasis on best friend that makes you step down.

“No,” you sigh, rub a hand down your face. “You can be interested,” you tell him gingerly. “We just never really… talked about... those kinds of things,” you rush out, turn away from him as the narrator on screen dives into the intricacies of bioluminescent shrimp in the animal food chain.

As if sensing your discomfort, Jungkook softens, scooting closer to you. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, too close and too warm. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he says, places a palm on your knee.

“I’m not!” You rush to assure him, facing him head on again. His eyes are big and implorative still, and you wonder why he became stuck on that of all things today. “It just surprised me.”

His lips quirk to the side, an unsure grin that has you leaning into his shoulder. You sit in silence, the rise and fall of his body with every breath lulling you into a sense of comfort.

A false one that Jungkook zeroes in on.

The documentary’s wrapping up, soothing ocean sounds and wind instruments playing as the credits roll across the screen, when the hand that had been laying so comfortably on your thigh inches up. At first, you don’t notice it, writing it off as Jungkook just shifting around. You tell yourself it’s just that, until his pinky makes contact with the end of your shorts.

Slowly, you turn towards him, catch his mocha irises lustfully lidded as he toys with the hem. “Kook?” You murmur, so soft, barely there.

“Hm?” He replies, continuing to play with the edge of your shorts, until he gets brave and his fingers slip beneath, index finger just barely grazing the panties underneath. You gasp. “This okay?”

Stuck between your arousal and your common sense, you flounder for a response. He’s so close, and smells so good, curls brushing against your temple the closer he gets. You want him so bad, want him to find his place between your thighs and put those pouty lips to use. But you know it’ll make things different, change whatever it is you’ve had for the past almost thirty years, and you’ll never bounce back. Another brush against your panties, pointer finger wiggling it’s way beneath the fabric, and you’re choking out a “yes.”

“Good girl,” he murmurs, and something in your core tingles at the name, thighs clenching together. “Uh uh,” he chides, nudges them open. “Stay still for me,” he commands, and you do, for all of ten seconds, but then he’s pressing his finger on your clit, panties and shorts muting the sensation. Still, it makes you squirm, fingers clutching the couch cushion beneath you as you struggle to keep them open. “Too much?” He asks, and you shake your head no.

“I-It’s fine,” you whisper, and Jungkook smiles.

He pets you, almost wondrously, for a few beats, watches the way the muscles in your thighs twitch with every press against your mound. Eventually, he decides it’s enough. “Hands don’t feel good for you?” He inquires, your words from earlier obviously having left their mark on him. Slowly, you shake your head. He glances down at the fist you have on the couch, composed features sliding up your face. “Well, yours are so small, princess. Of course they don’t feel good.”

He manhandles you around, tugs you onto the couch until you’re laying down, legs sprawled on either side of him. Pleased with the arrangement, Jungkook glances back down to your bottoms. “These have to go,” he tells you, hooks his fingers in the waistband and abruptly yanks down, leaving you just in your t-shirt.

You go to shy away, but Jungkook stops you, palms resting on the insides of your thighs, thumbs pressing into the skin soothingly. “My fingers are long, see?” He says, raising a hand to wiggle his fingers at you. You nod, heartbeat thundering in your ears. “They’ll feel nice inside.”

You know they will.

You can tell he knows his way around a woman’s body just from the way his hands glide over yours, carefully like he’s mapping you out. Ever so slowly, one hand grows closer, until his thumb is gently circling your clit, and you inhale sharply.

“So wet,” Jungkook hums, his other hand traveling further down, until he’s spreading your pussy lips with two fingers, trailing them through the arousal that gathers there.

You’ve never been so attentively cared for, never had a man zero in on your cunt like it was his first meal in ages. Jungkook’s eyes are clouded with lust, tongue peeking out from between his lips as he watches your pussy lips flutter at his touch.

He swirls his hand over your clit, pressing down. The first sound escapes you, a soft whimper that has you clamping your hand over your mouth in embarrassment. Jungkook grins down at you, shifts closer to press a kiss to the knuckles over your mouth.“Don’t hide from me,” he purrs, pulling away and pressing a kiss to your neck.

You cry out when he gets back to it, massaging your pussy with gentle hands and a thumb against your clit to placate you. “Jungkook,” you choke out, and he beams at his name, takes it as a sign to finally slip two fingers inside. “A-ah,” you whine, arching beneath him.

He basks in your noises, leans close again to press a kiss beneath your ear, against your jaw. “This okay?” He murmurs, curling the fingers inside of you. You mewl, throwing your arms around him as he begins working you open. “How does it feel, baby?”

“G-good,” you pant, turn your head until you can bury your nose in his hair, drown even more in his all-consuming aura.

Another kiss to your neck, before he’s suctioning his lips right below your ear, nipping and sucking at the skin to brand you his. “You like my hands?” He husks, and the patch of saliva he leaves on your neck feels cold without his mouth there. You nod, and Jungkook rewards you with a soft smooch over the hickey he’s left.

His fingers inside you curl and scissor, brush against every inch of your walls until you’re quivering beneath him, gasping his name out. You could melt if his fingers weren’t holding you together. “So tight,” he groans, curling his fingers. The movement touches upon something sensitive within you, and you moan his name loudly.

“O-Oh,” you pant, wiggling beneath him as you try to feel that again. Jungkook lets you, watches you desperately rut into his hands. He drifts away, lets his tongue mouth over your breasts, licking until there’s a damp spot on your t-shirt, the flimsy house bra you’d worn and the t-shirt combined not enough to hide your pebbled nipples.

The drag of his hands against your pussy isn’t enough, the motions not quick enough. Jungkook glances at your twisted features, your quivering pussy, and then, ever so gently, ducks over you, puckered lips letting one, long glob of saliva touch down on your pussy, trickling around his knuckles.

“Fuck,” you choke, watch his tongue swipe over his lip to break the thin bridge that connects you too. Suddenly, everything is smoother, the combined lubrication of your arousal and his spit making the glide of his fingers sinfully slick.

Frantic for release, you lose yourself in him, ready to free fall into your pleasure so long as Jungkook is there to catch you. “That’s it,” he encourages, picks up the pace of his fingers inside you. “Come on, beautiful, let me see that gorgeous face of yours when you come.”

“K-Kook,” you sob, and he smiles against your neck. His fingers work fast, until your muscles are all pulled tight, waiting for that final push to unravel. You make the mistake of glancing down, only to be caught by that pearly smile and adoring gaze. You’re in heaven, you know you are.

There’s no other explanation for this—the way Jungkook holds you like you’re his, hands so gently caressing your most intimate parts. You’re almost convinced you’re having a fever dream, a sick, too realistic dream, but then Jungkook’s biting down on your shoulder through your t-shirt, subtly rutting against your thigh.

“Cum for me,” he purrs against your neck, and you do, sobbing as your orgasm rolls over you, the heavy weight of his cock against your thigh. “Jungkook,” you cry, so pitifully, it has him lunging forward, a kiss pressed to the corner of your mouth.

You feel sweaty and gross, unbelievably tired from the gentle way he opened you up. Blindly, you reach down, feel the hardness of his cock beneath his sweatpants, but Jungkook nudges you away. You huff. “Let me,” you whimper, reach for him again even though you can see the slowness in your movement. “Need your cock in my mouth,” you drawl, almost sleepily. 

“Shh,” he soothes, lips pressed against your neck, where he’s still licking and sucking over every inch of you. You whine. “You don’t have to do a thing, gorgeous,” he assures you, “just wanted to make you feel good.”

—

Work gets stressful shortly after. There’s a new batch of interns coming in this season, new faces who will mess up your coffee orders and jam the printers for a good few weeks. There’s normally a team of employees who train them, a mix of relatively older people from different departments who show them around; a girl in the finance department, the one who usually trains them, is on maternity leave. With no one else to fall back on, the head of the department pushes the duties off on you, claiming your flexibility and work ethic make you the perfect candidate for such a role.

Normally you’d thrive at the praise, eat up every single word like it sustained you. In a way, it did. It was nice to be appreciated and recognized for your hard work, to be thought of so highly, especially in a male-dominated company. However, this time, you know it’s out of convenience that the head kisses up to you, and you end up begrudgingly taking the role.

The gaps in your schedule you’d normally spend relaxing or catching up on other projects are filled with bumbling interns, calling for help every chance they get. It’s like they’ve never done anything on their own, this group, always asking you the correct way to do this, the right way to do that. You haven’t mentored interns in a while, so you spend the first day breezing over old powerpoints and print outs you made years ago. You remember why you’re not fit for mentoring when one of them asks you how to navigate Excel. You nearly rip their head off.

There’s so much going on, you barely get time to see Jungkook, let alone text him. You saw him once the morning after, stack of pancakes on your kitchen table as he rushed you off to work. The shop didn’t open for another hour. He was sweet, kissed your forehead as you left, but he’s always done that. You didn’t have time to talk about whatever the night before was, or what that made the two of you now.

On Friday night, one week into your nightmarish role, you pull into the shop. You'd like to convince yourself it was routine, visiting the shop, but that’s a lie. You desperately miss Jungkook. 

 Most of the garage doors that are usually pulled open during the day are shut, save for one. The last of Jungkook’s employees are leaving, bidding you adieu as you step out of your car. Park Jimin is there, repairing some rickety car in the back corner.

“Boo,” you call playfully, and Jimin doesn’t flinch, merely pulls his head from out of the hood to flash you an easygoing smile.

He whistles at the sight of you. “You look like you’ve been through one of helluva week,” he says, and you, despite your strong personality, feel yourself blush at his comment. Jeez, did you look that bad? Jimin doesn’t elaborate, just pulls out a stool for you to sit on beside where he’s working. “Penny for your thoughts?”

You glance at the plexiglass, the offices hiding down the hall. Jungkook could wait, you presume, settling down beside him. Your skirt tugs up as you settle onto the pleather seat, so you cover your legs meekly with your purse. “Work’s been crazy,” you explain, and Jimin laughs at the obvious.

“You’re telling me,” He hums, and you roll your eyes playfully. “What’s going on at work?”

What hasn’t been going on, you think to yourself, before launching into a full retelling of your new horrendous position, of all the interns with their clueless eyes and useless notebooks. Jimin chuckles, indulges you in a few comments here and there that only fuel you on. He’s just about done with whatever he’s doing to the car at the same time your story wraps up, explaining how you found yourself here, desperate for Jungkook to whisk you off to that arcade you loved as kids. “Jungkook?” He asks, and you nod. “He left a while ago.”

You freeze. “Huh?” You say, dumbly. You almost want to laugh at your own impulsiveness, for showing up without sending him a text or a warning to let him know you were coming. You almost do laugh, but then you remember you and Jungkook never did that anyway. Hell, he showed up at your house a few weeks ago unannounced and drunk. The two of you were hardly the type to plan ahead, so it was weird for him to not be here. He’s been at the shop almost every night since it’s opened, the days he’s not usually a holiday.

“Jimin…” you begin, glancing at the receptionist window once more. “Where’s Jungkook?”

Jimin shuts his tool box, kicking a cart off to the side. “He left with that lady,” he tells you, doesn’t hear the way your heart rips straight out of your chest. No way. “Tall, pretty. Had that nice Corvette he fixed up a while ago.”

“Sojin,” you mumble, and Jimin nods.

“Think that was her name.” As if sensing your tumultuous thoughts, he steps closer, one hand reaching out to steady you. “You alright?”

“God,” you exhale, pushing yourself away from Jimin and the garage and the window. The stool rolls away, almost hits the side of another car but Jimin catches it. He rushes over towards you, watching you wobble in your heels.

“Honey,” Jimin says, steady and warm beside you. “Sit down for me, yeah?” He guides you to a row of seats against the wall, nailed into the floor so you can’t push them away and make even more of a mess. Not that that’s your concern, your mind and heart too preoccupied with thoughts of Jungkook lying to you, going out with that woman again, despite your obvious hatred for her and his promise to you.

Jimin disappears, rushes over to the other side of the garage before returning with a water bottle for you. He cracks it open, presses it into your hands, and then against your lips when you don’t move. “Drink,” he encourages, watching you with worried eyes that only grow more and more concerned the deeper you fall into your thoughts.

You want to cry and beat Jungkook up at the same time. You want to scream at him for lying to you after treating you so nicely, holding you so warmly. Instead, you gasp for breath, clutching your face in your hands like it’s the only thing that grounds you.

There’s a beep outside, chirpy and cute in the way only older models are, and you whip your head up, the headlights of the Corvette painting you in shades of yellow as it rolls to a stop, the tears you hadn’t felt glistening under the light.

Jungkook flings himself out of the driver’s seat, and a sob catches in your throat when Sojin steps out of the passenger seat. Jungkook shoves everything in his path to the side, carts flying into the few automobiles on the floor, tools clanging loudly onto the cement, and just as those arms you love so much are reaching out for you, there’s a hand on his chest stopping him.

“What did you do to her?” Jungkook snarls, pushing Jimin roughly to the side. Jimin, smaller but not weaker, holds his ground, clutching Jungkook by the material of his jumpsuit a second time. “Let— go!” Jungkook shouts, finally worming away from his employee.

He nearly trips before you, stumbling to his knees as he takes your quivering hands in his. “What’s wrong,” he asks, throwing a nasty glare back at Jimin who watches silently from the side. Sojin is still by her car, leaning across the driver’s side now. “What did he do, what did he say?”

You shake your head, dropping your head to tuck your chin against your chest. You hate this. Hate letting him or Jimin or Sojin see you cry. It’s not the person you are, not the self-made woman you claim to be as you cry over the same man who is unknowingly defending you from himself.

“Let go,” you whisper, hoarse and choked. You shake your arms, but he doesn’t let up.

“Tell me what's wrong,” Jungkook pleads, inching closer to you. His breath is warm and he smells like oil, just like he always does. He also smells sweet and floral in a way only a woman could. He smells like Sojin.

You sob, rip your hands away from and scurry blindly towards Jimin, who catches you in his arms despite the shock that paints his face.

Jungkook watches with an expression of hurt, watches you snuggle into the arms of another man over an issue you won’t tell him about. Jimin says nothing, just rubs his palm over your back. He gestures towards the red corvette, the woman standing by it and Jungkook takes the hint.

You hear the kitten-like purr as it pulls off, the silence that follows afterwards. You don’t know where Jungkook is, if he’s here or if he left with her, and you don’t want to. “Tell me he’s gone,” you beg Jimin, quiet gasps against his neck.

He nods, slowly lets you untangle yourself from his arms as the two of you stare over the empty garage. The Corvette is gone, and so is Jungkook. Before Jimin can tell you where he is, you’re wiping a hand over your face, embarrassed at the moisture it comes back with. 

“I take it he’s not supposed to be with her?” Jimin tries to joke. 

Neither of you laugh. 

You sniffle, process what just happened, how you acted. You’ve never felt that way before, never experienced such brutal heartbreak. 

You don’t know what you expected from Jungkook. In your heart, you convinced yourself what happened in your apartment was the start of something new between the two of you, a natural result of your long friendship. Realistically, you know you should’ve waited until the two of you spoke, discussed whatever happens next. But you’d spent the past week comforted by the fact you’d finally gotten to experience something like that with him, daydreaming about him every chance you got. 

Somewhere in your mind, you had convinced yourself your involvement with him would finally be what broke his connection with Sojin, the final nail that would make him forget about her. It’s painfully funny how such wasn’t the case. 

Jimin breaks you out of your thoughts. “You okay to drive home?” He gently inquires, and you turn your gaze over toward your car. 

Did you trust yourself to make it home without shedding a single tear? Absolutely not. But between Sojin and Jimin, you had let enough strangers see you fall apart over a man tonight. 

“Perfectly okay,” you tell him. 

—

The interns pick up on your sour attitude the week that follows. They don’t ask dumb questions, and don’t mess up your order. You talk them through a presentation, show them how to properly organize finance charts. There’s a slide that has clip art, a goofy dollar sign with a smile and shoes. Jungkook put it there when you first made the PowerPoint. After the little lesson, you go to the bathroom and try not to cry.

A week later, and the interns don’t need you anymore. They do well, and your boss praises you for being such a good mentor. You thank him and he lets you go home early.

Home is empty. Jungkook doesn’t show up unannounced, mostly because you’ve changed the number lock on the door. You want to eat salad today, for some reason, but don’t have any of the ingredients for it, so you walk to the supermarket a few blocks away.

The supermarket feels the same as it always does at night. That ghostly feeling of being watched in an empty aisle, the scratchy tune of whatever Top 50 radio station they settled on today. You get there and decide you don’t want salad anymore, so you buy ingredients for a stew instead, all of which you probably had at home.

When you step outside, the air around your bare thighs is cold. Summer was ending, which meant Jungkook’s birthday was coming up. You ball the receipt in your hand and fling it at the trash. You miss, so you hobble over to pick it up.

The trash is beside a red Corvette with two racing stripes.

“Hey,” Sojin says, arms crossed over her chest as she walks up behind you, sizing up your crouched form beside her car. “What’re you doing to my car?”

You breathe in, shake the crumpled up receipt at her, before stuffing it in the garbage. She says nothing as you stalk by her, and you’re back on the main road when she pulls up next to you, window rolled down to speak to you. “Get in,” she gestures, “it’s gonna rain.”

“No,” you say, and a fat raindrop falls right on your nose.

The door unlocks and you climb in, plastic bags crowded by your feet.

The drive is silent. You only live a few minutes from the store, and you point out an empty spot by the sidewalk for her to pull up to. A dry thanks is on the tip of your tongue, but you never get to say it.

“My dad has cancer,” Sojin says.

“That sucks,” you respond, feel bad right away and say, “I’m sorry.”

Sojin doesn’t seem bothered by it, shifting the Corvette out of drive and cutting the engine. “He’s probably not gonna see Christmas,” she adds, and you don’t know what to say. You don’t care about her or her crazy father.  “I wanted to do something nice for him before he, y’know.”

“Died,” you fill, and at that she glares.

“Yeah,” she huffs. “Before he died. So I fixed up his car. But the place I took it to didn’t know how to fix an engine so old, and ended up fucking it up even more.” You nod, she continues. “Then I bumped into Jungkook and—“

“Took advantage of his kindness,” you finish, remembering the twinkle in his eyes when he’d told you about their encounter, that day in the empty garage that seemed lightyears away. “Well congrats. Hope your dad liked it,” you sigh, push open the door and get soaked to the bone immediately.

“Wait!” Sojin calls, hopping out after you. She’s still as beautiful as she was when you were seventeen, even with rain soaking her entire being. “I didn’t ask him to repaint it, but that’s what my dad loved the most.”

You want to go inside, make your stew, and cry in it.

Sojin doesn’t seem bothered by the bangs that stick to her forehead or the water that washes down her spine. “When I told him Jungkook did it… he wanted to see him. Apologize and stuff.”

You snort. “Apologize,” you repeat, tightening your grip on your shoppings bags. “For what, Sojin? For almost killing him with this car or for treating him like shit for five years?” She says nothing, stares at the hood of the car like she doesn’t know what you’re talking about. “He was crazy for you, you know that? He would have done anything for you and not once did you stand up to your dad for him. You let that man call him worthless, stupid, a waste of space. And for what? For you to break up with him for some rich asshole who would never treat you half as good as Jungkook did?” You sneer.

The rain feels cold and your groceries feel heavier, so you whirl on your heel and make for your building entrance.

“He never liked me,” Sojin calls out, and you wonder if she even heard the second half of your emotional outburst. You turn to face her with fire in your eyes, and are only a little surprised at the sadness that paints hers. “He never liked me the way he said he did.” You could knock her teeth out.

“You’re stupid,” you spit, and she rounds the car at an insane speed until she’s glaring down at you over her perfectly sculpted nose.

“He never liked me,” Sojin repeats angrily. “He was always busy looking at you—for approval, for attention, I don’t fucking know. He would hold me and touch me but it never felt real. It always felt like practice for him…” she sniffles and your breath hitches in your throat. “We dated all through college,” she says like you don’t know, like you didn’t stress about it for years. “Everyday closer to graduation felt like a ticking bomb. Like he was just waiting for you to come back. To come home.”

You remember it.

The excited texts he’d send you everyday, the plans he made for you. Jungkook was more excited than your parents about you coming home. The five hours had done a number on him, and after four years all he wanted was to have you close again. You remember the hug in his driveway, the way his mom had told you he’d waited all day for you. It’s weird hearing it from Sojin.

Too overwhelmed, you decide to deflect. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” you murmur, and you’re surprised she hears it over the pouring rain.

A loud scoff. “You’re stupid,” she repeats back, jabbing a finger at your chest. You glare, and so does she. Like two animals in a cage you size each other up. “You’re stupid and ugly and I hate you,” she spits, and you drop your shopping bags to lunge at her.

You don’t swing, just grab her by the shirt and move to slam her against the wall, but she’s tall and a little strong, bony fingers wrapping around your wrists like spiders. “Why can’t you see how much he likes you?” She screams, like it hurts to admit it. “He’s been in love with you since forever, and all you’ve ever done is run away!”

“I never—“ you gasp, pushing her away from you. Sojin stumbles, but she doesn’t fall. “I’ve never run away,” you defend, heart beating in your chest too fast to be normal. “Some of us have careers and lives we want to live—I don’t want to depend on a man for the rest of my life!”

She growls, tugs at her wet hair like you’re giving her a headache. Stomping up to you once more, she pushes you hard with both hands, and you barely catch yourself in time. “He would have followed you to that fucking fancy school, but you told him it was better to save money here! Told him to not waste his time and just settle there! You did this to us—to all of us!”

You choke. Lightning flashes behind her, and for a moment all you can see is your gentle prodding, sitting behind him as he filled out applications, big wannabe business brain telling him the easiest way to save money for his auto shop was by going straight into technical school. The small frown on his face that day you’d packed for college, and the way he’d stood in your parent’s driveway until you couldn’t see him anymore, a little spec in your rearview mirror.

Sojin, sensing she’s made her point, says nothing. She scoops up your fallen grocery bags and shoves them into your trembling hands, stomping back to her car and pulling off with a roar, loud and ferocious, and nothing like a kitten.

The groceries in your bag end up in the trash.

—

Taehyung invites you to lunch one day, and you go. You’re starving and desperate to get away from work, where you’re paranoid everyone knows there’s something wrong with you. You meet up at a cute little bistro, and he smiles and hugs you when you arrive. You sit in comfort for all of two seconds before he jumps into his interrogation.

“What’s going on with you and Kook?” He asks, casually flipping through the menu. Your hand stills around your glass of water, and you eventually set it down without ever taking a drink. Your mind instinctively maps out a lie, but Taehyung has known you a while now, knows the quirk of your lips when you’re about to lie your ass off. “Don’t lie to me. I haven’t seen you at the shop in almost a month. And he doesn’t go out,” he mentions. “I think he spent four nights at the shop before I made him go home.”

You deflate.

Too embarrassed to explain, you flip through your own menu, and when the waitress comes you order the first words your eyes focus on. Taehyung doesn’t push you, just patiently gazes out over the bustling street.

Finally, you break. “We… did a thing.”

“Uh huh,” he nods, reading some ad on the side of a bus that passes by. “Need you to elaborate, babe.”

You squirm. “We… fooled around,” you say for lack of more appropriate wording. There’s a family sitting beside you, and you’d rather die than let some nooby pre-teen listen to the details of yours and Jungkook’s night.

“You fucked?” You choke, make a loud sputtering noise like it’ll drown out Taehyung’s voice to the other patrons. “What’s wrong with that? We all knew it’d happen sooner or later,” he shrugs.

���No,” you seethe. “We didn—I didn’t.” Taehyung rolls his eyes, the same way Sojin did that day on the sidewalk. You almost throw your glass of water at him. “We…” you sigh. “We did a thing, and then the week after he went out with Sojin.”

Taehyung scowls at the mere mention of her, so the glass of water is returned to its coaster. “Really? He went out with her right away? He’s cancelled.”

You nod, rubbing your hands over your face. “He… her dad has cancer and is literally on his deathbed so she wanted to fix up his car for memories sake, which he loved, so he wanted to apologize to Kook and thank him for fixing up his car,” you rush out, and now Taehyung chokes, water spewing out of his nose. You shriek, drawing everyone’s attention as you pat down your soaked blouse. “Tae!”

“I’m sorry,” he cries, wiping at the sting in his nose. “He-she, what?!” You ignore him, focus on battling the damp spot on your blazer. “God, that’s crazy,” Taehyung snorts, winces at the feeling in his nose.

After the two of you have settled, the manager kicks you out for your inappropriate conversations and childish behavior. You leave with your tails tucked between your legs. Taehyung holds your hand as he walks you back to your workplace, you quietly fill him in on all the other details surrounding yours and Jungkook’s fallout, from your breakdown in the garage to your weirdly dramatic confrontation with Sojin. “Well,” he claps, slamming a hand down on the traffic light button, even though both of you know it doesn’t work. “That explains a lot of things.”

“Yeah,” you agree, pushing down the crosswalk when the light finally changes of its own accord. “Do you,” you pause, feet glued to the sidewalk. “Do you think she was right?”

Taehyung glances back at you, so small and unsure in the midst of a bustling crowd. He smiles, sweet and soft. Rare coming from him. His free hand ruffles the top of your head, and he brings you into his chest. “Babe, the hottest guy in your grade was intimidated by scrawny, pre-muscle bunny Jungkook. I’m pretty sure he feels some type of way towards you.”

Your lip wobbles dangerously, and you bite down on it to stop. Taehyung pats your head, barks at some old guy when he yells at the two of you for standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

When you’re outside your office, you speak again. “You were not the hottest guy in our grade, by the way.”

Taehyung snorts. “I totally was.”

—

You hideout for the rest of the week.

On Friday night, you finally have the balls to show yourself again, and you hop on the highway leading out of the city before you can overthink it. The buildings slowly melt away, replaced with cozier homes, tinier shops, and by the time you’re pulling up the street, you’re deep in doubt again.

It’s not that late yet, only a little past sunset, but the garage doors, usually open to the street, are all shut. You frown, pull around the block, reverse into a spot across the street. Locking your car, a gust of wind nearly trips you as you cross the street. The front office is dark, metal shutters pulled over the entrance.

Eventually, you stumble around until you find the tiny backdoor squeezed beside some dumpsters, grateful for the key Jungkook had given you so long ago.

Just as Taehyung predicted, a pair of red jumpsuit clad feet stick out from beneath a car. A nice car, an even older Corvette than Sojin’s dad’s, still shiny despite the model it is. It looks like a show car with the way it glints at you, black paint almost glossy. The only light in the entire garage is a lamp, positioned over the area where the legs are working, and a flashlight that occasionally beams at you when the holder loses his grip. No music today, just the hum of a rotating fan. You creep over.

Jungkook’s humming a song when you get to him, foot tapping idly on the ground. You suck in a deep breath and nudge his foot with the tip of your heel. You have exactly two seconds to jump away when he abruptly rolls out from beneath the car, concentrated features scanning quickly around until they land on you.

The garage is still, until Jungkook jumps into action. “___,” he stammers, stumbling to his feet. The rolling board drifts away, bumping into the corner of the metal table beside you. “Hi, um,” he flounders, brushing his fingers through his hair, palms wiping over the front of his pants. Finally, “hi.”

The bad bitch Chanel skirt-suit you’d worn today fails you for the first time in a long time. Your hands feel sweaty, so you clutch them behind your back. “Hi, Jungkook,” you exhale, and all the emotions you’d swallowed for so long, the feelings that tightened around your chest and throat like boa constrictors, come oozing out, until all you can see is his puckered mouth and twinkling gaze.

He coughs, tries to casually lean against the car, but greatly miscalculates the distance. “What, um, what brings you here?” He asks, foot tapping nervously against the ground.

There’s a box of takeout on the floor he tries to subtly kick beneath the car, and a plastic bottle of soda that makes a loud noise when he tries that too. You twist your lips, watching the anxious shuffling of his feet. You breeze over his question, plaster a tight smile into your face, and ask your own question; “how long have you been here?” Tentatively, you lower yourself onto a rolling stool. “It’s late,” you state the obvious.

Jungkook’s leg bounces, and he pats his hand over it nervously. “Um, an hour? Just working on something,” he answers, cheeks warm as his eyes flicker everywhere but you. “What brings you here?” He repeats, and you know you can’t deflect it this time.

Shrugging half heartedly, you wait for him to finally look at you. When he does, he almost looks away but the glint in your eye stops him from doing so. “We need to talk,” you finally say. Jungkook visibly deflates, lips pulling into a thin line. You contemplate letting him relieve his thoughts first, but you came here with a point to make, for questions that needed answering, and you’re scared one word from him will wash them all away.

“Listen,” you start, smoothing your hand over the edge of your skirt. “I know something weird happened between us, and then I kinda freaked out on you, but… I need you to tell me the truth.”

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate. “Always.”

You swallow, try to push back the frustration that builds in his throat. “Did you ever even like Sojin?”

Jungkook blinks. “Huh?” A snort. “You’re joking,” he snickers, wipes at faux tears in the corner of his eyes, before your unsmiling face registers and he’s schooling his features. “___, I did like her. I dated her for five years. How could I not like her?”He says seriously, like he can’t believe you would ever question such a thing. 

You exhale, pick at your fingernails. “I met her,” you admit, and Jungkook’s face twists in confusion. “At the supermarket last week. She said you never liked her.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Of course she’ll think that—we’re exes. I doubt she remembers all our best memories,” he sighs, turning back to organize his tool cart like he’s done with this conversation.

Raising to your feet you call his name again, and he hums absentmindedly. “Sojin said you never liked her because you were always chasing after me,” you accuse, laying all your cards out on the table. Your claim startles him, and you watch as he jostles half the tool cart with his surprise.

“She, what?” He huffs, cheeks as red as his jumpsuit. He forces out a laugh, airy and tight like you’re starring in your elementary school play again and the nerves are eating him up. “I-I don’t know why she’d say that.”

He’s flustered, obviously so, as he scoops the metal tools back onto the cart, bumping into three other things before settling back down on the floor to roll under the car. He pushes himself under, and you sternly call out, “Jungkook.” He freezes.

You strut over, brush your hands behind your skirt as you crouch beside him. “Always,” you quietly remind him. Jungkook says nothing. For a moment, you wonder if you’ve grossly misread the situation, if this was just another one of her schemes to drive the two of you apart.

Slowly, Jungkook appears from under the car. There’s a new stain on his cheekbone, brown and slick. He sits up, wide eyes tracing over your features likes he’s trying to seal them in his memory. “Yeah,” he admits, lips twisting as he watches the surprise take your features, before he’s lolling his head back to stare at the ceiling, leaving you to stare at the column of his neck.

“I do,” Jungkook admits, pushing through his emotions. It’s hard for him to confess, you realize, watching the way his Adam’s apples contracts and his jaw twitches from having to say so. “I like you so much it hurts.”

His confession leaves you feeling weird. On one hand, you want nothing more than to spring yourself on him and kiss his face until the stray oil marks are gone and replaced with the outline of your lipstick prints. You want to smother him and hold him, let him know he’s yours, always has been.

On the other hand… it’s sad. Going on thirty years and never did the two of you guess your feelings for each other. You doubt either of you are good at hiding them, with the way everyone seems to have known except you two. Maybe you don’t know Jungkook as well as you thought you did. Maybe he doesn’t know you.

A hand touches your knee, and you return your attention to his downtrodden appearance, chin tucked against his chest. “Please,” he murmurs. “Say something.”

You say nothing.

Tentatively, you reach a hand out, run it along the side of his head, through his mane, chocolate waves touching his cheekbones. He almost looks like when you guys were kids, round eyes watching your every move. Your hand continues down the back of his head, cupping the nape of his neck comfortingly. Jungkook leans into the touch, even though his shoulders are tense. You soothe your fingers over the tight muscles in his neck.

“Since when?” You inquire.

Jungkook blinks, lets your palm trace along his jawline and cup his cheek. “Since you dated Taehyung when we were sixteen.”

Mentally, you curse every deity in existence for putting Kim Taehyung in your life. “God,” you groan, burrowing your hands in your palms. Jungkook, surprised by your reaction, rolls closer, moves around until you’re crouched between his long legs. “Since me and that pinhead dated for twenty minutes?” You repeat.

Jungkook shifts closer, rubs your back. “It was 65 hours, actually,” he corrects, and the exact duration of your relationship makes you cringe. “I… counted.”

Small and shy, almost embarrassed. You glance back up at him. “Why?” You prod, and Jungkook’s cheek flush, palm stilling.

“Uh,” he starts. “I was nervous? That you two were in it for the long run. And I, I don’t know. It was easier to just count,” he lamely finishes, and his dangly earring whips around with him when he avidly avoids your gaze.

You sigh, catch his hand in yours. “Tae and I would have never lasted,” you tell him, remembering all the times the guy made you pick him up from one night stands in the last few years. “He wasn’t who I wanted.”

His foot jumps, toe tapping against the wheel of the car next to you. He wants to ask, you know he does, but Jungkook was quite possibly the only other person on this planet who could overthink something more than you.

Deciding to ease his worries, you give his hand a squeeze. “It was you,” you confess, feel like an elephant lands straight on your chest. “It is you,” you correct.

His forehead knocks against yours, hard, and you hiss at the bump that probably forms. “What the fu—“

“Tell me it’s not temporary,” Jungkook pleads, eyes crinkled in worry. You’re going cross eyed from trying to look at him like this, so you flit your eyes off somewhere to the side. His hand is heavy in yours. “Tell me you’re not just doing this for closure, or because you want to see what it would have been like, please,” he begs, “that would be so fucked up, because I’m so in love with you I actually think I might die.”

The dramatic confession makes you painfully warm. You nod, your lower lip trembling at the way he looks at you, like you single-handedly controlled this entire world with a flick of your wrist. “I-I love you too,” you parrot back, the first time you’ve ever said it, the millionth time you’ve ever thought it.

Jungkook visibly relaxes, pulls away from you to drop his head on your shoulder instead. Your legs are starting to cramp from the tight crouching position, ankles wobbly in your heels. His hair smells good still, despite the hours he’s probably spent beneath a car, and you gingerly pat the back of his head.

“I love you,” he murmurs, and you repeat it. “I love you,” he says again, and you repeat it. “I lov—“

“Me, yes, I’ve heard,” you cut him off, smile at the snort he releases, and when he turns his head, his lips brush against your neck. You’re instantly thrown back a few weeks, to that night on the couch with the limited edition Shrek 2 cups and the wine; the gentle touches that left you trembling for weeks. You inhale quickly, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him away.

His eyes are too soft, face too relaxed as he stares at you. “My legs hurt,” you tell him, quickly getting up. You whirl around, facing the car and digging through your purse like you suddenly have something to do.

“Oh,” you gasp, watch two arms wind around your waist, the dirty red jumpsuit contrasting against the tweed material of your high-end Chanel jacket. Jungkook sighs lovingly by your ear, snuggles his face into your neck. “W-we should go out,” you blurt, nerves jumping when he squeezes tighter, burrows closer. “To celebrate!”

Jungkook hums. “Yeah?” His voice is too low. You’re in trouble. “Celebrate what?”

You squirm, breath catching in your throat when he presses you closer against the hood of the car. “Um,” you shakily exhale, hands splaying out over the sleek surface of the black hood to steady yourself. It’s so shiny you can almost see your reflection. “U-Us!” You finally manage to exclaim.

A kiss against the side of your neck, and your spirit just about exits your body. Your knees feel weak, and you're just about ready to throw another mediocre excuse his way, when something warm and wet traces up the column of your neck. “Kook!” You gasp.

“Shh,” he murmurs, deep voice instantly soothing over your nerves. His hips nudge against your behind, and you jump at the bulge that presses against your lower back. One hand unwraps from around you, gliding down your arm sensually until he’s trapping your fingers on the hood of the car with his own. A swift kiss against your ear. “You owe me, remember?”

You flush, remember the filthy promises your list-addled brain has spewed that night at your house, the almost erratic development of your thoughts as you became consumed in the thought of him. Reminisce on the prod of his fingers against your cunt, his hot breath against your ear.

Suddenly, Jungkook whirls you around, traps you with his gaze as two hands flutter to rest on the small of your back. He’s looking down at you with those lovesick eyes, hooded with lust as they trace over the dip of your Cupid’s bow. “You’ll do that for me, won’t you?” A soft brush of his mouth against yours, pouty lips guiding you through a kiss, until you’re sighing against him, and he’s pulling away.

Numbly, you nod, almost hypnotized by the soft smirk that overtakes his features as he pushes you down, watches you sink to your knees before him. The concrete feels cold and hard beneath your knees. His jumpsuit is knotted around his waist, and you shakily unravel it, the elastic waistband staring you in the face afterwards.

“Take your time,” Jungkook croons, hand coming to rest on the side of your face, knuckles brushing over your skin delicately.

You tug it down, and one flash of that underwear band has your nerves flying out the window. You shove his t-shirt out of the way, let your hands trail over the ridges of his abdomen in your haste. He helps you by tugging it over his head. With that gone, his black boxers stare you in the face, and you yank those down with no hesitation.

“Jesus, baby,” Jungkook chuckles, though it’s choked off when you grasp his engorged cock in his hand. You should be surprised, marveling at the sight, considering it’s the first time you’ve ever seen him like this. But you brain is working overtime, too immersed in the vein that runs alongside it and the tip that throbs back at you. Later you can worship it, you think. Right now, you needed it down your throat.

The tip is flaming and swollen, his cock still growing plump in your hold, your hands slowly dragging up and down the length. You lean forward, press a gentle kiss below the mushroom head, trail kisses down the length until you're meeting your knuckles, and trail them back again. Jungkook sucks in a tight breath, leans to rest his palms on the car behind you, as he watches you on him.

A head of precum escapes, and you lunge for it, swirl your tongue in and around the slit on his cock, until his entire body tenses up. “Fuck,” he grunts, watches you ease his cock into your mouth. You groan at the stretch, the drag against the corners of your lips making your eyes roll backwards. “___, baby, a little more?” He asks, voice hoarse as he watches you sink down further on his cock.

You comply, close your eyes and focus on relaxing your throat. There’s a hand on the back of your head, impatiently pushing you down his length. “Shit,” he cries, unconsciously ruts against you. You gag, and he shushes you with a caress against your cheek. “Sorry,” he huffs, “just a little more for me, okay?”

Eyes squeezed shut tightly, you let him push you down until his cock hits the back of your throat and you can’t take anymore. The prod against your throat has tears springing to your eyes. “Gonna move now,” Jungkook announces, thumb brushing away the tears that collect in the corners. “Be good.”

He drags himself out, your saliva coating every inch of him, and when just the tip is resting on your tongue, he shoves back in. You whimper, palms digging into his thighs. Jungkook brushes a hand down your hair, soothes you for all of two seconds before he’s pulling out and doing it all over again. He picks up the pace, loses himself in the feeling of your hot mouth around him, tongue dragging over his cock.

The feeling in your throat burns, each thrust of his hips against your mouth making your jaw more and more sore. But god, it feels good to have him so close, his scent swarming your sense, groans like music to your ears. You want to please him, want him to feel as good as you did at your place. You want it even more now that you know how he feels, know he’s probably thought about this before.

A brutal thrust has you gagging, throat contracting around his length. “Shh,” Jungkook sighs, the fingers buried in your hair flattening out to run over your head. “Doing so good for me, beautiful.”

You bask in the praise, let a hand flutter down to the apex of your thighs, pressing down to relieve some of the pressure. Jungkook groans, rolls his hips against you and keeps you there for a second. Your throat spasms, his dick pressed hotly against it, and you feel your panties grow embarrassingly sticky. Eventually, he draws back out.

“You like this?” He hums, rutting against you faster now, nose brushing against the sparse hairs on his pelvis with every slam of his hips. You nod around a gag, eyes clouding with tears, lips slippery with saliva and precum. One particular thrust is so hard, it nearly sends you knocking back into the car, Jungkook’s hand on the back of your head barely saving you. “Fucking hell,” he spits, “look so pretty with my cock shoved down your throat, princess.”

You moan around him, feel a subtle twitch against your tongue before he’s pulling himself out. “Shit,” he cursed, pushing you away as he goes to grab his own dick in his hand, tugging at it like a madman. “Wh-Where?” He asks, and you stare dumbly at the sight of him playing with himself, almost don’t realize he’s asking you a question.

You take too long, scramble for words too long, and even if you did have one your throat is far too sensitive yo answer. Jungkook grows impatient. Pulling you closer by the collar of your Chanel suit jacket, tugging it open until the flimsy buttons snap, and the tank top you wore beneath comes into view. He aims the tip of his cock towards your sternum, and a few jacks later, he’s coming, cum spurting against your chest. You watch the cum trail down between the valley of your breasts, until the feeling comes to rest against the inside wire of your bra, sticky and gross, sliding along the underside of your boobs. “Shit,” Jungkook repeats, eyes furrowed over you.

Your knees ache, and you nearly trip when you stand up, steadying yourself against the side of the car. Jungkook seems to regain his sense by then, hand trailing around your waist. You meet his eye, and almost immediately turn away, the blood in your face rapidly rising.

Jungkook laughs. “Don’t get shy on me now,” he teases, gets too close and your noses bump. “Sorry,” he smiles, too shiny and bright for the sinful acts you just committed in an auto shop.

“Put your dick away,” you huff, let him nuzzle closer to you, and when he doesn’t move to tuck himself into his pants, you go do it for him.

Jungkook frowns, swats your hand away. “This dick has places to be,” he informs you, and you scoff.

“Refractory period,” you remind him, and he rolls his eyes.

“Well I’m not exactly gonna stick it in you this instant,” he drawls. “Gotta stretch you out first.”

You go to complain, tell him he doesn’t have to over exert himself. Truthfully, with Jungkook you feel like one good session was enough to sustain you for weeks. After last time, your skin had flowed for an entire week. But then his hand is slithering up your backside, sneaking under your skirt to grab a handful of your ass.

There’s quickly drying drool collecting at the corners of your mouth, saliva from when he’d fucked your throat just a few moments prior, that he kisses away. His mouth slots over yours, and your heart and pussy both flutter at the kiss.

It’s gentle and sweet for all of ten seconds, his mouth moving against yours until you feel the wet press of his tongue against your bottom lip, tracing along until you open your mouth. He wastes no time shoving his tongue past your lips, letting it dance with yours as he pulls you closer, hands gripping the globes of your ass. You let him lick his way into your mouth, more and more saliva catching in the corners of your mouth until he’s pulling away with a wet pop.

He pulls away, doesn’t stray too far, proud smirk crossing his features at the sight of your slicked lips. “You liked that, didn’t you?”

“Huh?” You ask dumbly, tongue mindlessly swiping over your lips.

Jungkook’s eyes track the movement. “The saliva,” he clarifies. “The spit. You liked it at your place too,” he reminisces, moving in on you again. “Liked watching me slobber and spit all over your body. Isn’t that right, baby?”

You blush, discreetly rub your thighs together. “I-I do,” you admit, willing the warmth of your face away because at this distance he must certainly feel it.

Jungkook nods, doesn’t say anything else as he captures your lips a second time. He doesn’t bother with the gentle prodding anymore, jumping straight into tongue right away. He’s messier, letting his saliva coat your lips and drip down your mouth, and as messy as it is, you love it. You whimper when he pulls away, but gasp when his hand tugs at the hair by the nape of your neck, pulling you back until you’re looking up at him.

“Open,” he murmurs, and you do, tongue pressing against your bottom lip.

It should be disgusting, the rev of his throat, the sound of his saliva collecting, and the way his jaw shifts when he’s got enough. It should be filthy, the way he shoots it down your open lips, the way it splatters against the back of your throat. It should be gross, but god do you love it. “Swallow,” Jungkook commands, and you do, feel his spit drip down your throat like it’s your own, whimpering at the feeling. A quirk of his lips. “Good girl.”

You have to bite down the pride that grows in your chest.

Jungkook’s hands continue their mapping out of your behind, eventually ending with a hard squeeze that has you squealing. Automatically, your back arches in surprise, breasts pressing against Jungkook’s chest. He smirks down at you.

“Bet you taste good,” he says, pressing a kiss against your cheek. “Let me taste?”

“Please,” you beg, nearly losing your shit when he lifts you up onto the car, the cool metal making you jump, heel on your foot nearly kicking the side view mirror clean off. “Wait, Jungkook,” you sputter, glancing down at the sleek metal. “This is someone’s car.”

Jungkook ignores you, pushes your legs apart to slot himself between them. His palms run up your legs, over your thighs, until they’re toying with the hem of your skirt. Mocha eyes glance up at you, as if daring you to question him again, so you promptly zip your lips shut. The skirt goes, ever so slowly, over your thighs, bunches up at your waist until he’s staring at your lace panties.

He presses a kiss against the inside of your thigh, nose faintly brushing against your skin. The kisses trail over your skin, until he’s hovering over your panties, and he’s staring like a man starved. He gives no warning, suddenly leaning down to press his mouth over your party-clad folds, nose flush against your clit. “Kook!” You squeak, hands flying to clutch at his hair.

Jungkook mouths at you, drags his tongue against your panties until they’re soaked in both your essence and his saliva, just how you like. A hand slithers around your leg, wrapping around until he’s got a firm grip on it that he uses to hold it open.

“J-Just take them off,” you gasp, squirm when his mouth moves towards your clit, lapping against you. “Please,” you cry.

He doesn’t.

Jungkook tortures you with those kitten licks, muted through your panties, until you’re begging him to stop, to take them off and do it right. He loves it, you can tell, dazzling smile peeking up at you every time you tug against his hair, until finally, he’s had enough.

The underwear comes off, dangling uselessly by your ankle, and then the show really begins.

“Wait,” you choke, head falling back against the hood of the car when he finally gets his mouth on you, suctioning his lips around your swollen clit. The niggling reminder that this is some stranger’s car he’s eating you out on rings in your brain, and perhaps that’s what makes it more exciting.

His mouth is warm, tongue flicking over your sensitive bud like it’s candy and he needs the sugar. The sounds are so loud and wet, the squelching of your pussy every time he pulls off a pop that resounds throughout the garage. He pampers your clit for what seems like hours, switching the movements of his tongue every time he gets the chance until you’re quivering.

When you think he’s done, he’s not.

Fingers slide up your thigh, featherlight, as they reach your drenched cunt. They drag over your lips, and you mewl, feeling the muscles jump and tighten at his touches. “Jungkook, please,” you moan, rolling your hips against him, but it’s hard and everytime you move, you feel the sweat on your skin weigh you down, glued to the metal beneath you.

The first finger breaches you, just the tip of his index slowly wiggling inside. You muffle a moan in your palm, and Jungkook pulls away with a huff. “No hiding,” he warns, slowly lowering back to your cunt with a stern glare. You nod, but can’t help it when his second finger pushes its way in and you bite down on your knuckles.

“Oh,” You sob, body quivering as he begins scissoring his two fingers inside you. With your attention focused on the digits sheathed inside you, he pulls away from your clit, bestowing one final kiss against it that has your foot kicking out wildly. “Th-there.” His other hand catches your palm in his, presses it against the metal by your head.

Jungkook smiles, curls his fingers around until he finds the soft spot inside you that turns you to jelly. “There we go, beautiful,” he purrs, pushing himself to his full height, leaning over your trembling form. “So sweet for me,” he sighs, licks his lips like he’s remembering your taste.

“I'm gonna,” you choke, become hypnotized by the dark cloud in his gaze, the arrogant smirk on his lips. He curls his fingers, palm brushing against your abandoned clit. The touch makes you jump, nerves tingling.

“Cum for me,” he encourages, silky tone swarming your head as your pleasure slowly washes over you. It’s probably the most relaxed orgasm you’ve had in your entire life, his low voice and delighted eyes guiding you through it, until your entire body clenches, dissolving in a puddle of contentment. Your arousal surges around his fingers, trickling down onto the metal.

“Oh, Jungkook,” you pant, overwhelmed from the touches and the kisses. Jungkook’s smile gets swallowed by your greedy mouth, desperate for more kisses now that he’s made you feel like this.

The kisses only placate him for so long, and when he presses his body against yours, there’s an awfully hard cock that slides against your dripping cunt. “Think you can go again, gorgeous?” He murmurs against your jaw, nipping at the skin on the way down. You nod, eyes falling shut at the warmth you feel in your bones.

Jungkook kisses your neck one last time, before leaning back once more to line himself up.

This was a scene straight from your teenage fantasies, a dripping, shirtless Jungkook at full mast between your thighs, looking at you so lovingly. It makes your heart thunder, imagining how long you could have been doing this if you weren’t both so stupid. As if reading your thoughts, Jungkook rubs a palm over your thigh, eyebrow quirked. You nod his concern away, squirm closer until the tip of his cock nudges against your hole.

“Fuck,” Jungkook sighs, moving his hands to your hips as he slowly pushes in. His fingers, bless their intentions, could have never prepared you for the size of Jungkook’s cock, thick and veiny as it pushes inside. You whimper, clawing at the hands on your waist that stop you from impaling yourself on it fully. “Waited so long for this.”

“Then fucking do it,” you beg, nearly pass out when he shoves in harshly at your tone. “J-Jung—“

“I got you, baby,” he assures you, jostles you until you’re flush against his cock, clit brushing against his pelvis. Your back arches, and Jungkook slips his arm around you, the other lingering on your waist.

Every subtle shift has him brushing along your swollen clit, and you sob at the sensation, begging him to move. He complies, changes his stance to make it easier, and finally begins thrusting into your throbbing pussy.

“So good,” he huffs, eyes zeroed in on where the two of you meet. You would have looked too, if your body hadn’t felt so completely boneless beneath him, the grinding of his cock sending shocks of pleasure up your spine. “So pretty and mine.”

“Yours,” you choke, heart swelling in your chest at his words. It’s almost animalistic, the way he ducks down to bite at your neck, like some animal staking its claim, and you like it. You like it because it’s all you ever dreamed of for so long. “Faster, Kook,” you urge, wrapping your arms around him.

He does as you say, slow and careful thrusts transitioning into a fast piston that would have had you bouncing out of his reach if he wasn’t holding you so tightly. “Fuck,” he chokes, lost in the way you clench around him, lips dragging against his cock with each thrust. “Baby,” he grunts, sweat trailing down his temple, eyes furrowed shut. Eventually, his head falls into the crook of your neck, his weight pressing down on you uncomfortably, subtle ridges on the hood making you ache. At this point, you’re too far gone to care. “All I ever wanted,” he gasps.

You could cry, right now and he’d pull out right away, big heart fretting over your emotional well-being. Which is exactly why you hold your emotions in, let yourself get fully immersed in the feeling of Jungkook pounding you against some stranger’s car and not the inevitable emotional crash you’ll have later.

He fucks like he’s waited all his life for this, and you guess he sort of has if what he’s saying is true. You have no doubt it is, and when his lips suck a mark against your neck, you feel like you’re in heaven. “Almost,” you pant, legs wrapping around his waist tightly. Jungkook nods, his hair tickling your jaw and neck, as he picks up the pace. Your cunt swallows him up every single time, suctions him in until he’s shaking, and so are you.

It can only last for so long, your heart and body eventually reaching their peak, and you unravel. His arms are there to catch you, to pick up the pieces and hold you together. You want to cry, you really do, and when the coil in your stomach snaps, you finally do. “I love you,” you sob, and Jungkook shudders, glances at your tear-struck face to push himself off.

“Love you too,” he mumbles, grinds his cock against your spasming folds one last time, and comes mid-thrust, cum spurting inside you. He holds you, just like you knew he would, as you come down from your highs, hot breath fanning across your skin.

You feel warm, loved, and in love, body trembling in sensitivity afterwards. He’s pulled out since, soothingly rubbing a hand against your side. You’d like to say you wouldn’t be anywhere else, but one shift reminds you of where you are.

“Shit,” you groan, taking in your surroundings before letting your head fall back against the hood. Jungkook hums, round eyes looking your way. “We really just confessed and had sex on some stranger’s car.”

Jungkook snorts, leans away just the slightest to look you in the eye. He’s lost in thought, chocolate irises swirling as they drink you in. “Say thanks to Taehyung,” he finally says.

You roll your eyes, and when you shift beneath him, your sweaty skin sticks uncomfortably against the metal hood. “Yeah, let me thank Taehyung for dating me for three days and awakening your crush,” you huff sarcastically, resigning yourself to your new life stuck against the hood of some classic automobile from the 50s. Jungkook laughs, tucks himself back into his underwear. “Thanks Taehyung, for your noble sacrifice ten years ago that allowed me to fuck Jungkook on some stranger’s car—“

Jungkook hums, snuggles closer to you. “Tae’s car.”

“—after confessing our—Taehyung’s car?” You shriek, sitting up with the strength of three football players, Jungkook toppling off you. “Oh my god. No.” Jungkook rubs his elbow where he knocked it against the hood, looks at you with solemn eyes. Slowly, a smirk crawls over his features. “No,” you gasp, mortification crawling up your spine. “We didn’t.”

He tugs you off the car, tugs your skirt down when you wobble on unsteady heels. “Yup,” he says, pops the end of the word like a child. “Say hello to Taehyung’s new car!” He exclaims, patting the hood you just defiled. “Straight from the car auction he went to this morning,” he beams.

“Oh my god,” you groan, covering your face with your hands when you finally spot the puddles of... something on the black hood. “This is terrible.”

Jungkook ignores you, wipes up the mess with some napkins from his takeout bag, but there’s already some that's dried, only fueling your mortification. “Not like he’ll find out,” he shrugs, then narrows his eyes at you. “Or will he?”

“No!” You stutter, carefully rounding the car as if inspecting it for any more signs of the treacherous things you and Jungkook did on or around it. “I-I won’t tell him.”

“Uh huh,” Jungkook teases, settles on that rolling stool and pushes himself towards you. There’s a hand easing itself around your waist, tugging you between open legs. Still in shock, your hands flutter around his neck, muscle memory causing you to immediately begin massaging the skin there.

Jungkook sighs into the touch, eyes falling shut. “Too bad Jimin’s not here,” he sighs, and you visibly see his nose grow in arrogance. 

“What? Why should Jimin be here?” You ask, pushing your fingers against the knots in his neck. 

Jungkook levels you with an unimpressed, one-eyed glare. He scoffs, “maybe you are as dumb ad Taehyung says.” And then, “hey!” when you tug his ear. He isn’t upset, just tugs you closer until his face is buried against your stomach. “You know country folk like him marry on the spot right?”

“What are you even saying,” you huff, burying your hands in the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging his head back to properly look at him. “Why do you care who Jimin marries?” He doesn’t bother answering. 

Instead, Jungkook sighs into the touch, an easygoing smile thrown your way, and for a moment you forget about the trauma Taehyung will have when he inevitably learns about this. “This is the life.”

[goldenlaquer]

HELLO!!!

Todays a special day aint it? The day you were put into this world and one year closer to being taken out🥺

I hate too sound like a broken record but i just have to say that i truly do love you professor

The way you write honestly is mesmerizing and is outstanding, the way you describe people and the environment is just ungodly. The way you keep it all japanese and even write about the kimono’s and shoes the reader wear. How it really just immerses the reader into the story. the witty banter between characters, how perfect you write everyone and how nothing ever seems forced oh my gosh bro if you wrote a book id buy it in a heartbeat

The past year(two?) of me following this blog has been an absolute joy, not a second has been dull here and its always filled with such hilarious comments or love and i will always be here for it

i just love the way you have drawn such handsome OC’s and made ur whole following simp for them. how you do MORE than just drawing someone and going “yeah its gintama” but you actually give them a story and personalities that just make them oh so much more loveable

i really enjoy the way you interact with ur followers and how amazing you are and im sorry for running out of new words and for making this sound like a strange love letter but honestly why not lmao

ur such a cool person and you make my experience on tumblr truly so enjoyable and i wish you so much luck and love

(i apologize for this being all over the place but i just had to make sure i get this in before i forget-)

DaddyProfessor GoldenLaquer, Happy Birthday.

Oh my god oh lord jesus h christ and his little lambs. Look at what you’ve done, you’ve made me all mushy.

Seriously. I’m choking up for real. I am not ‘one year closer’ to being taken out— this is it. THIS IS IT. Will not being living any longer than oct 1, will be meeting my maker as soon as midnight strikes, I’m dying today, here on my birthday. All because of you.

Can’t lie this week’s been kinda fucking me over, but you alone more than made up for it; I could fill 10 pages front to back right now but I don’t think it’d be enough to show you just how grateful and touched I am to receive such high praise and love. You’ve made me so happy (you always do) and I can’t thank you enough for it. I’m really so lucky to have met you and if there’s anything I did right in this lifetime, it’d be starting this blog and meeting so many amazing people such as yourself.

I’m gonna sound like a broken record too because if it weren’t for your encouragment, this blog really would’ve been packed up long ago. 2 years?! Damn, you’re one of the OGs you know that? I can’t thank my lucky stars enough that you’ve somehow found my blog. Can’t explain this other than that it must’ve been fate.

Thank you for being with me for so long. Thank you for apeshit over hot fictional men with me and diving head-long into my stupid and stupidest jokes. Thank you for giving me meaty interactions that make me feel more human rather than just some stranger on the internet. Thank you for giving me a love letter that might’ve been not too much trouble for you to write, but is the world to me. I’ve been feeling rather apathetic about my birthday this year (“Just another day of the year, no biggie”), but you’re the one who turned this day special— you truly made feel special, and for that, this is the best birthday ever. Thank you ⛷

[sheepfulsheepyardinspace]

Do you have any Star Wars fanfic recommendations, or have a link to someone else's list? I really wanna veg out.

oh my god, DO I. this may have been the best ask in the world. i’m not really sure what u want a feel for, so i threw together some of my favorite longfics for maximum veg time from the ot/pt and links for swr and swtcw recs. they’re pretty much all luke-anakin/vader centric, since that’s kinda my bread and butter.

let’s start with frodogenic, who wrote the first longfic i ever read in sw and might be one of the funniest authors ever. they once reviewed my fanfic & i nearly cried from joy. anyway. 

The Father, 284k+, complete. “Ten years after ROTS, tormenting nightmares of his unborn child drive Darth Vader to extraordinary measures with unexpectedly drastic consequences. Clearly, experience has taught Darth Vader nothing...” 

this is my og star wars fic and boy oh boy is it amazing. i will never get over this. i don’t want to spoil anything but when i say the final chapters are great? i mean they’re legendary. sometimes i still think about them & wish upon a star that i could be such a great writer. vader’s amazing, han is spectacular, and the ocs are fantastic.

Far More Than Rubies, 70k+, complete. “Nine years after AOTC, tragedy revisits the Lars Homestead. Little Luke Skywalker is suddenly plunged into chaos as the rebel movements discover a secret military project that may make a crucial difference in the war with the Empire.”

the spiritual twin of The Father, FMTR takes a look at padmé’s character and relationship with both luke and anakin/vader that’s hard to beat. it’s darker and heavier than The Father, but it hits those same sweet, sweet emotional beats while raising the age-old question: if padmé had lived, what would she have done?

The Family Tree, 12k, complete. “In which Luke Skywalker is stranded in a tree waiting for a flash flood to recede. Too bad he's got company...”

okay, i admit, this isn’t a longfic, but it is a longshot, and it’s amazing. the imagery and description always blow me away, and the interaction (canon-compliant) between luke and vader just [chef’s kiss] get me. vader’s in full, glorious form, and it makes it all the harder when luke wrestles with the knowledge that vader is his father.

Sibling Revelry, 25k, complete. “After Bespin and before Endor, Darth Vader is shocked to discover that Luke and Leia are twins. He's even more shocked when Imperial Intelligence reports that Organa and Skywalker are, erm, a tad closer than previously suspected.”

this is complete crack and humor in the best way possible. it’s crack treated entirely seriously, and you will be in stitches, i promise. no matter how many times i’ve read this i break down.

KittandChips (@kittandchips) writes what i can only describe as food for the soul. the luke-vader interaction is insanely amazing, the world building of daily imperial life and imperial governance is amazing, and vader just has a special je ne sais quoi that u must read to understand––tragic, funny, and so, so fatherly. they’re currently rewriting the Force Bond Series to fit in with newer canon, so i will joyously binge reread the entire again (including the new Force Bond: Mustafar Weekend).

Force Bond 1: Orphan, 47k, complete. “After Owen and Beru are killed by a mysterious stranger, young Luke ends up as an orphan on Coruscant. It's a race against time as Obi-Wan struggles to find Luke before Vader realizes the boy is his son.”

Orphan kicks off the series, which tracks vader and luke’s relationship through the perils of luke’s teenagerhood while growing up under the eye of the emperor and imperial court. it’s filled with slow growth, struggle and misunderstandings as darth vader tries to single parent, and pay off in every installment. the entire series clocks in around 777k+ and is the most joyful, fulfilling reading you’ll ever have. promise.

darth-nickels (@darth--nickels) writes darker, twistier, and terribly, terribly heartwrenching aus. they’ve got a whole host, but let me introduce to my two favorites. also, check out their faux-academia on vader. it’s amazing and i love it, but i admit i am an academia hoe.

Dooku Captured, Pt 2, 16k, complete. “Dooku is taken alive onboard the Invisible Hand, and Sidious' web is torn. The Sith Lord wonders if death might have been preferable to clumsy interrogation by Anakin Skywalker.”

Dooku Captured is a longshot au told from Dooku’s pov which takes the beginning of ROTS and throws it on its head. it’s a fascinating outside perspective of anakin and obi-wan’s relationship and such and interesting examination of dooku’s psyche and especially his complex relationship with the jedi order, qui-gon, yoda, and palpatine. i cannot rec this one enough.

Black Mirror, 90k, incomplete. “The Ghost crew returns to the Lothal when they hear the Empire is investigating the Jedi Temple there. They learn Vader is alone and decide to take him out-- but what they find could change the course of Galactic history.”

Black Mirror diverges into swr territory, but make no mistake: this is entirely an examination of vader and, later, obi-wan as well as ahsoka. luke makes his appearance later in the game, and boy oh boy will you love luke’s portrayal is a microcosm of luke and vader’s relationship within canon. heed the tags, though.

jerseydevious ( @jerseydevious ) is, first and foremost, one of my favorite people on earth. secondly, though, she’s an amazing writer with a deep understanding of vader’s character and psyche, a flair for beautiful depictions, and the true ability to wring every emotion out of your body.

Two and a Half Men (with a baby), 13k, incomplete. “After a long day of bargaining with Hutts and attempting to ignore his past, Darth Vader is nearing the end of his rope. When he discovers his two-year-old son, it's the straw that breaks the semi-rational Sith Lord's back; in a rash act worthy of the Skywalker name, he scoops his son into his arms, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, and punches in random hyperspace coordinates to a destination on the other side of the galaxy. Unfortunately, father and son are not the only ones on the ship.”

Two and a Half Men will stick with you, dude. like no other. i promise. it’s a whirlwind ride with obi-wan, vader, and piett and as funny as it is heartbreaking. it touches on some heavy issues and doesn’t shy away from looking at the damage done to vader––again, heed the tags.

Helioseismology, 4k, complete. “Luke gets shot down on a supply run and caught in an ice storm. It's extremely lucky that his father followed him there.“

i’ll admit. im completely biased about this one because it was a birthday gift to me and i am sucker for litcherally anything when jd puts pen to paper, but believe me when i say you will be awed by the depth and tangled relationships between these luke and vader that jersey can illustrate in a stroke of the paintbrush. im love. always.

izzythehutt ( @izzythehutt ) i am blown away by the intricate dialogue and characterization, always. and the latin puns? im sold. im also a sucker for latin puns, but that’s a story for a different time.

In Loco Pirates, 34k, complete. “A down-on-his-luck Hondo Ohnaka manages to capture the unicorn of all bounties--Luke Skywalker, which sends Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, on a painfully familiar trip to the planet Florrum to collect his prize. The failed negotiations leave Vader in the awkward position of being stuck in a besieged pirate bunker, trying to balance keeping his wayward child safe (and in his custody) with controlling the tongue of a loose-lipped pirate who--to the surprise of no one--has a bad habit of telling 'amusing' anecdotes from the Clone Wars.”

hondo, aka the best character of swtcw, is brought to life just as vividly on paper as on screen. his entire personality brings luke and vader’s difficulties in a sort of incredulous light, which makes it as funny as it is vulnerable and tragic. the sequel, Palpatine Ad Portas, brings piett into the spotlight, and oh man do his interactions with palpatine and vader bring u all the uncomfortable vibes. relish in it.

sparklight ( @littlesparklight ) man. lemme introduce u to an amazing prolific and detailed writer. i will never get over the series they’ve written & neither will u.

Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn’t Get Away, 122k, incomplete. “One-shots surrounding either AU situations of canon/legends works where Luke would normally have gotten away (or Vader is simply inserted into the action to come pick his child up) but in these instances doesn't, or completely new scenarios of the same. There are no deep ruminations on consequences of the situations here, just our awful Sith dad picking his son up when he'd rather not be.”

exactly what it says on the tin. u know those glorious moments of fanfic where luke’s gotten captured and ur on pins and needles, waiting for vader to show up in a moment of dark glory? here’s the moment. here’s all the moments.

Space Race, 122k, incomplete. “Owen gives in to Luke's wish to attend the Imperial Academy and Obi-Wan is too late to avert it, though he's not too late to make sure Luke leaves Arkanis before Vader can gets his hands on him. Luke spends over a month running around the galaxy before his father gets him, and from there...”

this story relishes in chase and boy is it fun. it will keep you on the edge of your seat and it’s an amazing ride.

The Suns of Tatooine, 85k, complete. “Luke ends up on a moon swamped in dark side energy after a mission goes wrong, then his father appears... and then they go on a bit of a learning experience. This could've been the only thing that would come of getting through a Sith complex with his father, but thanks to going to free Han earlier than the gang did otherwise, more revelations are had. Will that change anything?”

this series is a thoughtful, contemplative piece examining the nature of the force and the relationship the skywalkers have with tatooine. the descriptions are beautiful, the inventiveness is amazing, and you’ll be thinking about it for long afterwards.

an additional few…

Between Flight and Longing; 34k, complete. “Luke Skywalker and Han Solo journey to the planet Balen'ar on a desperate mission and find more than they'd bargained for.”

a classic and it is for a reason. the interaction between han, luke, and vader is so spectacular and the slow trudge of going through the forest with your greatest enemy and best friend is something hilarious. the end is bittersweet and fantastic.

The Sith Who Brought Life Day, 13k, complete. “An Imperial officer loses a bet and has to get Darth Vader a present for Life Day.”

somewhere between terrifying and dull, this fic presents a canon-compliant look at the hunt for luke and the grinding wheels of the empire. the oc is amazing and it echoes in true star wars spirit: sometimes it’s just some dude who can change the galaxy.

Quintessence, 5k, complete. ‘“Well, Master, I think I’ve found the one positive aspect of this situation.” “Which is?” “The Temple won’t have to pay the costs for our funeral pyres.”’

pure hilarity and shenanigans abound in pre-aotc obi-wan and anakin hijink goodness. lemme tell u––u will deeply sympathize with mace windu afterwards. additionally, check out the rest of the author’s oneshots! they’re deeply thoughtful and the interactions the author writes between obi-wan and anakin are always gold.

some extras & shameless self-promotion

here’s a full list of recommendations for star wars rebels fanfic in case this is what you’re looking for (remember when this used to be a swr blog, lmao)

i’ve also written sw fanfic, both swr and luke-vader centric. drop by and tell me if it’s any good!

[smalltragedy]

* brigette lundy-paine, nonbinary + they/them | you know kirby wormwood, right? they’re twenty five, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, two weeks? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to ring ring by mika like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole balancing acts at perilous heights destined to entertain, jack of all trades master of none, refusal to accept the mortal world as it is thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is december 1st, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hllo welcome 2 my third character i love them a lot theyre a. remake of an older oc of mine so this is fun <3 sdfhk anyways once again i am asking u. pleathe like if u wld like to plot.

ARSON TW

mini playlist.

wizard ;; lucas lex / ring ring ;; mika / crows ;; clues / sunrise sunset ;; bright eyes / la llorona ;; beirut / no children ;; the mountain goats / might be love ;; the pesky snakes / sax in the city ;; let’s eat grandma.

statistics.

full name: kirby wormwood (currently).

nickname(s): magpie.

birthday: december 1st, 1995.

zodiac: sagittarius sun, aries moon, libra ascending.

mbti & temperament: estp & improvisor / sanguine.

label: the hellion.

hometown: abilene, texas.

sexuality: bisexual.

pinterest.

biography.

alright lets get right into it. kirby ws switched at birth. they cld’ve hd a very like. picket fence trampoline in the backyard. 4 columns cos its texas n it feels right. bt instead they were chosen <3 somewhat unintentionally <3 by dorothea n fawley wormwood, two traveling circus workers who emergency stopped in abilene.

n u know what. growing up in st. pierre’s traveling circus ws kinda fkn awesome? like ok. besides the fact tht they were homeschooled fr like evr n there were a sparing amt of children 2 socialize with? it ws p cool idk.

it ws kinda like everybody ws their parent n also not at all bc they were all very casual. bt they grew up learning hw 2 maintain the circus (n also like. normal school thingz bt i dnt think kirby hs ever cared abt school like ever) n whenever they hd a show kirby wld facepaint or handle tickets until they were old enough 2 start learning like. the Real fun things. 

fawley hd a lot of his own weird odd little like superstitions n beliefs n practically raised kirby on them like n they dnt rly <3 make a lot of sense. lots of made up philosophy. very much like. nothing defines u. u cn b anything or anyone. n kirby ws like ok cool. n then developed a god complex.

names didnt rly stick 2 kirby when they were a kid like. nothing satisfied them or felt worthy fr them or simply they just. got tired of a name. this isnt related 2 them being nonbinary BUT it did help ease some of the. pressure of exploring gender identity. theyve only hd one name tht stuck genuinely n tht ws magpie n. thts bc everybody hd their own bird name n it felt very. like community. like a role. usually the names they used during performances bt. anyways KFHDSGLKKHL

theyre Kirby bt answers 2 most. neutral nouns.

honestly. they were also a rascal as a youth. ws like. oh. i learned sleight of hand? cool. time 2 pick pockets. wld throw popcorn into the hair of other kids n b like. omggg what was that ... became a mime fr a year. it ws a rigorous training.

now a master of charades. bt anyways. they traveled pretty much weekly, maybe bimonthly n sometimes just pure monthly. there wsn’t an off season fr them, when the colder months came they’d travel south and when summer rolled in they’d go right back up again. it ws easy to switch personas almost daily n just. never reveal ur true self. totally not saying tht’s what kirby did bt thts what they did. it nvr made them lose sight of themselves it ws more like. acting. tricking ppl fr fun. 

anyways all good things come 2 an end and when kirby ws like. 18. they were like hey ur old enough that we cn trust u with fire. we think. n they started 2 learn fire-throwing n like. they were ok at it bt lessons were painfully slow n kirby ws like. i wld b so good at this if i cld do it all the time. n it ws like. hey kirby, chill. u already know a lot of things.

arson tw // u see where this is going. tents are kind of flammable. kirby ws unsupervised. bad decisions all around. circus is aflame. all the animals n all the circus workers got out fine bt like. st. pierre’s ws efficiently out of business. arson end of tw //

n kirby fkn booked it they just. ran. pure fear. nvr looked back which is like super traitorous of them 2 do bt. sometimes they meet up in secret like. sunglasses n all at a coffee shop. not all of them just like. fawley or someone else. theyre like. ur family u cld burn down a thousand circuses n we’d still love u. n kirby is like yeah i know bt i’ve rly committed to the bit now. n they dnt reunite.

anyways. since then kirby hs just been. a traveler. nvr rly staying anywhere fr super long n driving around in their shitty little van tht’d been used as housing back at st. pierre’s.

they’re in irving n theyve been there fr almost. suspiciously long. compared 2 their average stays. when asked abt what they do or why theyre there theyll just. give a vague answer or spin a long tale tht usually involves a burning circus.

theyre staying at uh. abernathy creek rn bc of course they r they fit in so naturally. welcomed with wide arms. might b soul searching rn might b on the hunt fr their birth parents might b just vibing ... whose to say ..

personality & facts.

has a Big personality tht attracts others fr better or fr worse. either super likeable or the most despicable person on the earth. no in betweens. n honestly tht is a talent in itself

has no off button is constantly. spinning tales or performing a dance or getting kicked out of bars fr whatever nonsense reason. 

honestly they prob think tht nothing bad cn ever happen to them even tho like. bad has literally happened 2 them before? love the optimism here. KLFGDLKFSDHGF

acts a bit like u’ve known them fr ur entire life they r oddly warm in tht way bt they themself r so distant tht its like. oh nice ok ...

both honest n yet dishonest like. yes they will hustle u out of ur money bt they will also tell u their opinion straight up. 

probably smart bt they r just like. prime thembo? flowy pirate shirts n cropped tshirts n pants tht r never tight. dresses like they do still work n live at a circus. 

likes 2 instigate things between others n then stand back n just watch it happen while taking like zero accountability. loves a good small town drama. avid milf hunter.

does not hv any faith in the american healthcare system at all n will straight up refuse 2 go 2 a hospital if they get hurt theyre like. i cn do it myself im like practically a professional. they r not a professional. 

bt does hv like. a thing abt apples. fkn loves them. 

uuuhhh cn play instruments bt all very badly. only knows one (1) song tht isnt made up n its wonderwall by oasis. they play it at parties. they expect fr tomatoes to b thrown at them at any given time.

very nimble. agile. granted its frm. learning circus tricks frm a baby age bt they hv impeccable balance n cn sneak up behind anyone without a single noise. uses this 2 their advantage in order 2 scare ppl. chaotic neutral.

loves having the attention on them i wont fk around here. will go to drastic measures to accomplish receiving it. my other muses r capable of taking things srsly bt kirby just. is not. they do not take a single thing srsly they barely even took. st. pierre’s destruction srsly n they caused it. maybe.

likes being able to just. be unknown so the amt tht ppl know abt them is actually very. little. i dnt think they even tell others their last name. sometimes not even their first. just hs so many aliases n nicknames. i know i didnt list any bt thts simply bc Any cld.

probably acts out to compensate fr the. underlying guilt they hv bt thts okay. i mean it isnt bt.

will probably show up if u call them fr help bt they lose interest in people p quickly n r always moving onto the next shiniest person. bt when they do they give them like. all their attention. if u wrong them in this period they will just. ignore it. bt when theyre bored then its like. u werent even friends at all? very odd.

perhaps it is commitment issues bt <3 ya. thts them. they do not claim favorite colors or movies or. most interests. probably bc theyre very very disconnected frm pop culture i think they learn everything thru twitter n google.

i wld not call them a good person bt i also dnt think theyre like evil horrible nasty awful they just. think abt themself a lot more than they think abt others n also refuses to face consequences ever and also .. anyways.

wanted plots.

part of the bird’s nest ;; honorary bird honorary circus member. u hv to be very well regarded by kirby to earn a bird name bt i feel like tht doesnt feel like a lot considering theyve only been here fr like. two weeks KDGDSHKGK. the catch is tht u cn only refer 2 them as magpie frm then forward. 

hand in unlovable hand ;; theres comfort in being terrible ppl together n it may not last bt it doesnt hv to anyways. its just them n the like. vibes. n knowing tht its smth thts nvr gna b long term. cld b anything ur character just hs to be also a little evil. KHDSGFDS

one jester ... wht abt ... TWO jesters .. ;; hoo boy. ooh man. unstoppable force and immovable object combine forces n just become. the worst of the worst. ultimate jokesters. epic pranksters. absolute clowns. chaotic energy unmatched. always nonsense. 

n also ;; ppl they’ve stolen frm, ppl who hv caught them in that act, ppl who’ve maybe seen them in the circus a very long time ago, Found Family Trope, real family shenanigans, kirby just asking everybody if theyre their dad., mortal enemies if they see each other its an instant duel 2 the death, etc.

[bakugou-tm]

Bakugou-tm Masterlist

Reader

Headcannons

Lazy (s/o) 

Butt pinching (s/o)  

Alpha Baku & Omega s/o that steals his clothes for her nest  

Bakugou seeing s/o in swimsuit (NSFW) 

Angelic s/o that is crazy strong in battle  

S/o that messes with Bakugou in public (slight NSFW)  

Short s/o 

Dragon King Bakugou traveling to island of amazons  

Bakugou making friends with his strong rival  

Scenarios

Exploring haunted mansion  

Mineta sneaking into girl’s dorms (inspired by @sup-poki post)  

Bakugou meeting (s/o) & child he left from high school (slight domestic) 

Easter scavenger hunt (slight nsfw)  

(S/o) and kids cleaning Bakugou’s cuts (domestic)  

Building collapses on (s/o) that saves people

Bakugou doing something nice for Izuku’s sister

Bakugou seeing s/o in swimsuit (NSFW) 

Bakugou’s European (s/o) being made fun of for forgetting Japanese words  

Villains attack Ground Zero’s wife and kids at his house (domestic) 

(S/o) crying and hugging family after fight (domestic) 

Fantasy AU Bakugou and Dragon Trainer (NSFW) 

Bakugou hurts (s/o)’s feelings so he makes it up to her  

Boys try to hit on (s/o) and Bakusquad protects her  

Bakugou saving you and colleagues from villain 

Jealous Bakugou at beach  

Bakugou taking (s/o) to water spring 

Comforting angry/sad Bakugou  

Bakugou and colleague having to go as undercover couple  

Bakugou and (s/o) watching fireworks  

Bakugou’s crush having same birthday but not telling him  

Bakugou’s birthday with family (domestic)  

Artsy (s/o) makes Bakugou birthday gift but is nervous to give to him 

Bakugou has party but leaves with s/o (slight nsfw)  

Bakugou showing up to class with surprise cake from s/o  

Bakugou finds out wife is pregnant (domestic)  

Bakugou and s/o finding baby on mission (slight domestic) 

S/o falling on Bakugou with quirk that puts thoughts on skin  

Bakugou’s kids hang out with his parents (domestic)  

Bakugou family meets up with Bakusquad (domestic)  

S/o praising Bakugou when he feels down  

Super soft s/o that’s a medic  

Reader kissing stranger to learn language  

S/o is former delinquent and child of mafia  

Bakugou’s s/o meets parents for first time  

Bakugou with super sweet yet clumsy s/o  

Bakugou has nightmare and accidentally hurts s/o  

Bakugou having a hot moment until realizing s/o is on period (NSFW)  

Bakugou finding tired and stressed s/o on floor crying  

Bakugou and s/o painting new baby’s nursery 

Dying kiss  

Jealous kiss  

Goofy kiss  

Angry kiss  

Bakugou wanting alone time with s/o but kids interrupted (part 1) (domestic & slight nsfw)  

I thought I lost you kiss  

In the dark kiss  

S/o snapping on Mineta after making inappropriate comment 

Crush getting hit by quirk that makes heroes seem like villains  

Pirate Bakugou and s/o AU 

Father’s Day surprise (domestic)   

S/o getting trapped under rubble during fight  

S/o getting a dog that ends up liking Bakugou  

S/o breaking up with Bakugou since he only focused on being a hero  

S/o being proud of Bakugou after sports festival  

S/o being put into coma from being kidnapped then waking up  

Bakugou wanting alone time with s/o but kids interrupted (part 2) (domestic & nsfw)  

Shy s/o sneaking to Bakugou’s dorm  

Pizza delivery boy Bakugou  

Bakugou gets called from police on anniversary finding out s/o is dead

Why (song fic)  

S/o showing up to Bakugou’s dorm angrily after being forced into quirk marriage  

S/o reuniting with Bakugou after being captured  

Esta Noche (song fic)  

Bakugou and s/o switching hero costumes  

S/o that can deliver illnesses to others finding villain that killed their parents  

Bakugou takes family on vacation (domestic)  

S/o constantly being tired from school & training  

Fics

Twisted Fates Prologue  

Twisted Fates Chapter 1  

Twisted Fates Chapter 2  

Twisted Fates Chapter 3  

Scarlet Night Chapter 1  

Scarlet Night Chapter 2  

Scarlet Night Chapter 3  

Original Characters

Headcannons

Scenarios

Bakugou x @technicallyflamey OC  

Fics

My Other Half Chapter 1  

My Other Half Chapter 2  

My Other Half Chapter 3  

My Other Half Chapter 4  

[quackspot]

ok i want to talk about my cookie run ocs so i will but below the cut because thats just how it be sdkljklsjklea (im going to TRY not blab out everything i think so then if you want you can send asks)

FROG!! 

ok so hes a liddol baby . he likes to hang out with sand ! theyre best friends and sometimes go to beaches and other places together. he’s very sweet and a little quiet. just a baby.

speaking of sand here they are!!! they dont talk much but when they do it sometimes freaks cookies out due to it being a drippy sand hole like

frog doesnt care about it too much . sometimes he tries to put sticks or something in their mouth just to see what’d happen. sand just eats the stick

rabbit’s foot is ! very lucky to say the least. hes also pretty gullible and easily fall for tricks but due to his luck they never seem to work out. very rarely does something harmful happen to him, though things like disappointing or saddening other cookies can happen. 

SPEAKING of disappointing or saddening cookies... fun dip! he’s often disappointed due to his tricks not working on rabbit’s foot but that only motivates him more. someone once said he looks like he’d be gumballs brother and honestly that’d be a chaotic pair of siblings (while im hesitant about canon relations with ocs..... who cares????). so yeah fun dip and gumball are brothers. 

rabbit’s foot is very much like a young child (though he is aware of a lot of things, he just has a personality alike to a young child. not a brain alike to a young child) and fun dip is a goofball prankster.

almond is very grumpy and they want to be a powerful wizard . honestly if they knew how to contact de or find her they would. also they are very emotional but tend to bottle it up (becuase in their tags on their ref its like “bad boy or crybaby” and i was like ‘’ok both’’). 

they dont hang around cookies often

and now for your local gamer boy. basically mlg jokes all the way around. mtn dew cookie references all that old stuff! theyre likely aware of other things too but theyre like “ah, nah, no thanks bro lolololol” and somehow they have that one robotic male voice? you know  the one in all of cowbelly’s videos that reads the memes? yeah that one. idk how to describe it

they also live off of doritos! besides their pet because it’s kind of obvious that’s a different dorito (plus g4m3r br0 has been existing for a while so it’d taste bad)

(mtn dew cookie is pangender)

garlic cooky! hes a dad and he’s married but that was on ponytown . i made him when me, kiley, and jamie decided to make a lil oc family . kiley made bread cookie his husband and jamie made butter, their daughter. garlic cookie had a very chaotic family when we all actualy messed around on there !

he also adopted some one’s herb pony on ponytown who acted very feral . we joked about dog with a blog because garlic called him the family dog . garlic cookie thinks toe toe (what he named the feral herb) is a dog unironically. like legit. also he’s a vampire ! he’s allergic to himself but isn’t dead yet somehow.

i could talk more about his family but yeah ! 

ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli (this oc was made on ponytown as well ! she acts like plankton) 

she is a gremlin. pretty small. why is there so much evil in you, little cookie? also i was playing with styles in that doodle so like  ? if you want me to draw in that style a bit more then just mention it

ngl i dont like how i doodled corn dog in that one but! corn dog is a baseball player and she’s very much ur classic jock. but nicer. she will want to play with you no matter what you want to play she loves ball games ! considering shipping her with orange cookie for some reason idk why but. if you want corn dog x orange then ig just ask for it sdkljdsljskl ;) i might doodle it too. corn dog x orange x lime? maybe but probably not since it seems like lime would get too jealous too easily

ASIDE from ships i really like how i first drew corn dog

what i struggled with with my doodle was her hair and i need to practice that a bit so i might look up things to practice with that ;-O

birthday cake ! he is chaotic party. very energetic. i completely imagine him whacking his face right into cake at a birthday party like if u gave him the 2nd anniversary cake his message would just be like. “*SPLAT* feels good on my face!” just to make it obvious he threw his face into the cake. also he has eyes he just likes to cover them up. maybe he’s blind but i based the blind fold thing off of terezifjseakljklw jklfjkldjkl jfkljwlkjioKLSJKLFJEKLRwer

gasoline cookie! i only made this character just recently on ponytown. he is very tired and lacking energy and is overall soggy in a sense. party pooper and very serious. i made this guy because i was joking like “if there were a gasoline they’d have a tension with fire spirit thats like ‘’DONT DRINK MY HAIR’’ or something” and then i made him

JAM!!!! they are my baby child and i love them a lot! i even made a blog for them but idk if its still up uhhh @cookiestuckinspace ! send asks there if you’d like i guess? the blog is very dead.  mtn dew is also there! there’s also unicorn cookie but i didn’t draw her.

they are a very sweet cookie who wishes to befriend many aliens! they’ve learned many languages and often mixes things up (as in, like, you know, accidentally saying an alien idiom in english or an english idiom in alien, forgetting words from either language then trying to describe it then BAM remembering. probably said an alien idiom in ANOTHER alien language while speaking in an english conversation). they know plenty of written languages and honestly? they try so hard to make sure every one is heard. theyre not very professional and theyre kinda bad at driving a ship 

whcih is why they let their space buddy drive the ship! yeah their dog, buddy, drives a spaceship. its funky but their dog is literally a spaceship itself.

phoenix!!! i only made him because.... on ponytown there was a mythical beast cult. he likes bugs and orange juice i think? capri suns? i dont know but i think he’s had a drink from a juice box before. theres not much about him but! yeah

RYE COOKIE! hes not really exactly a cookie. more like bread than gingerbread, if you catch what i’m throwing. jam tries really hard to be his friend but he doesnt speak any of hte languages jam knows and jam is trying really hard to figure out what he speaks so they can be friends.

thats all i guess ! please send asks about them or say “would ___ and ___ be friends?” i like to think about the relationships my ocs would have with each other ! 

heres the image i posted earlier with all my ocs with their names! if you read through this then i love you and have a good day <3

[tragictm]

The Future of This Blog

I've been rping on tumblr since around 2012, diving into the indie world in 2014 with my beth blog. It was a fun hobby for a long time, but by 2015 it had become more like a chore. Soon enough I made new blogs, moved every month or two and hoped like hell itd have that spark back. There were moments, people, that made my time here truly amazing. I'll talk about them later. For now, I have to look to myself and to the future.

Which brings me here. While I love my muses and I genuinely adore writing them, something on this blog isnt right. Not just this blog, but all of them. I'm burnt out on this site, its multiple issues not helping, and my constant need for external validation is only making this worse. You've all noticed it, begging for poll responses, asking if a character should be added and making the choice based only in how many votes each option gets. Everything on this site is governed by notes, by reactions, by the thought that what I post here is important or interesting to people. That's not why I was here, it's not why I wanted to write, and as long as it's there i dont know that i can continue to be here.

As 2019 draws near I have to make choices to better my life. In 2019 I'm giving up work to study and follow my dream, I'm giving up my home that I've lived in for my whole life to have a shot in a completely different city, a completely different world. And with that, I'm giving up this.

Writing is so important to me, I've grown as a person so much from doing this, I've made friends who mean the world to me, but this has also been so toxic. My deep and constant fear of duplicates - and yes that includes the ones I follow. My desire to be the best version of my muse, preferably the only version of my muse. I crave attention, crave the glory that I've somehow managed to believe comes from the number of people who follow me. It's stupid. Its toxic. It's made me act like a person I dont want to be.

I dont know when I'll come back. Ideally, I want to be more emotionally and mentally sound before coming here. I want to be less busy. I want to be able to have fun rather than cry because I cant decide what to do with a fucking tumblr blog.

I want to mention some people, talk about what they mean to me and how theyve shaped my experience. That's below the cut. But first: means of contact. I dont want to lose friends, but I cant promise tumblr will be a place I go ever again. For now I'll be on my personal @distortedrebel and probably on @greene-rph but come 2019 theres a chance I wont even be on those blogs. So, heres where to find me:

Facebook, snapchat, etc. are available if you message me, I'd message my personal or one of those accounts though because I wont be logged on to here.

@selfsaving - izzy, you alone have given me so much muse and such a strong feeling of being somewhere I belong. You've been amazing to me, from liking starter calls and interacting with a muse no one interacted with to inviting me to discord servers and being excited to write with me. I genuinely can't describe how great you've been to me.

@mrbisected - kate you've been amazing. You've followed me through so many blogs, even when I never knew who Kenny was. Honestly, I kind of dreaded watching Texas chainsaw at first. I really thought I'd hate it, especially for the first half hour or so. After watching I didnt care that much for Kenny, but the way you cared for him and the way you crafted him into a real person really inspired me and made me fall in love. I fell for nikki because she was hot, but with your help she became someone real and I never imagined giving up on her because of how it had felt having a muse I cared about so much.

@withumans - kacie idk if ur on this blog or using this alias but hey, you're amazing. I know we haven't necessarily been the closest, but you've been a really good friend. You've been through a lot and I know you relate to the need for validation here. You're still young, you're going to grow and change over the next few years more than you could ever believe. I love you, I believe in you, I know you'll get through this. I'm sorry I wasnt super invested in some of your muses, you very clearly love rain more than anything and I really struggled to interact with her, not because of who she is but because of how emily kinney was her fc originally. I know its dumb and petty and I hate that it continued into when shed stopped being the main fc. Rain is a brilliant oc, I genuinely love her and her story. Shes developed, she clearly means the world to you. Tumblr, and quite frankly everywhere else, doesnt care about ocs. They dont care about multis. That puts the two of us in a tricky position. Dont give up on rain, dont give up on ocs. Dont give up on things you're passionate about. You have it in you to do incredible things.

@valorfated - ellie weve talked less lately and I want to apologize for that. Weve had issues in the past, the most obvious being the way I acted with the rph in 2017(?). Theres an age gap between us and clearly a maturity gap there too. Looking back on the way I acted and responded and avoided responsibility is clear. I am sorry for that, I know you were going through rough times and it was rude of me to try to make things go my way simply because you werent there to stop me. Its something I've been working on and I'd like to think I've grown as a person since then. I do want to tell you that you're an amazing writer, and I really hope things are going better for you. Writing beth and Maggie was a really great experience, I loved the dynamic because I've never had much of a bond with my own sister. You helped me realize how sisterly bonds should be and because of that I've started to work towards mending my relationship with my sister and its changing my life. Thank you, good luck with everything..

@gavinsaleks - I saved you for last because this might get long. I'm gonna avoid the literal thousand word letter I usually give you on your birthdays because wow I write a lot, but you already know by now that you've changed my life. The ocs we made meant the world to me and really taught me about relationships and perspectives and what's right and wrong in relationships. You, though, you taught me more. You gave me the courage to come out, you gave me the strength to stay alive in times where I felt like that was impossible, you gave me happiness that i never thought possible. I watched you grow up and you watched me mature and everything changed after meeting you. I never wouldve lasted on this site without you, or in real life really. You're an incredible girl and I really hope that I gave you the same happiness you gave me because you deserve it all and so much more.

[aliens-and-plumbobs]

50 QUESTIONS FOR YOUR SIM

I thought it’d be cool to share the list of questions I work from when I’m developing characters for my screenplays irl. I adapted the questions for sims and I hope someone finds them useful. also u can tag ur friends to do this if u want but I cba.

SIM OC QUESTIONS (50) by: cassgoths

sim’s name: Nora Penelope Martons

how old is your sim? Young adult but I’d say she’s around 38.

when is your sim’s birthday? She was born in the fall.

what is your sim’s zodiac sign? I imagine she’d be a Virgo.

what is your sim’s ethnicity? Her grandfather was half black and half white, Her grandmother was a super light-skinned red-headed girl, So she’s about 10% Black and the rest is a mix of whatever her other grandparents were lol.

does your sim have any nicknames? Her mom called her Nory when she was little.

do they have a job? if so what is it? Scientist of course, specifically Pioneer of New Technologies. She dreams of becoming the Extraterrestrial Explorer. She’s getting close lol

where does your sim live? Willow Creek! Her mom used to live in Brindleton Bay when she was younger but she wanted a place completely new. The family has just loved it and never had a desire to move.

who does your sim live with? Her mother, Destiney Martons and Gen 1 Heir. Her husband, Devon Martons Her eldest child, Diana Martons, named after her grandmother. Her twin boys Dekker and Deion And the youngest Dorian. And of course we can’t forget their adorable French Bulldog Bean. ♥

what environment did your sims grow up in? (i.e strict, loving, cold etc.) She grew up in a very loving environment. Her parents were a little more traditional but they tried to let their kids thrive as much as possible.

what are your sim’s favourite foods? Veggies, fruit, and TOFU. She is strictly vegetarian and won’t let you forget it. For moral reasons of course, but she can not forget what she learned about meat from science class.

what is your sim’s favourite drink? She’s not a huge drinker but give her a Juice on the Rocks and she’ll be happy.

if they have one what is your sim’s favourite colour? Lighter blue and yellow, ALWAYS. You can’t escape them.

does your sim believe in any cliches? (i.e love at first sight) No, she’s very much a woman of science. She’d love to believe in those things but she just has too much of a logical brain. She does love her husband and family very much.

what is your sim’s sexuality? She is straight, although she had a small crush on her best friend Scarlet that lasted like 3 minutes when they were teens. Scarlet’s very charming though haha.

what is your sim’s gender identity? She identifies as a cis woman. But she’s supportive of all people. She actually helped her sister Sebrina come out to their mom that she was transgender. She has always been this way. ♥

is your sim type a or type b? Definitely A, shes ALWAYS working (and she loves it)

is your sim introverted or extroverted? Shes more of an Ambivert. She likes being social but she definitely enjoys her alone time too.

is your sim neurotypical or neurodivergent? Neurotypical

is your sim a pet person? if so what is their favourite animal? She definitely is a pet person, just more of a single pet person than multiple like her mom. She also likes fish, bugs, and frogs but those are mostly for science lol

does your sim have a best friend? Yes her name is Scarlet Goth, daughter of Cassandra Goth (who happens to be her mom’s best friend)

what is (/was) your sim’s favourite school subject? Obviously science. Couldn’t keep her away if they wanted to

is/was your sim a high, mid or low achiever in school? High achiever, 1000% She had the best grades throughout all of her school days.

are they planning to go or have they already been to college? if so, what would be or what was their major? They haven’t been to college but if there was any near them she totally would have. Being the heir of a legacy has certain restrictions and responsibilities she couldn’t keep from.

what are your sims political beliefs? (if they have them) She’d definitely be a libral. Equality is very important to her.

what is one thing your sims wants to do before they die? Visit an alien planet. She has been abducted 3 times now and only has very vague memories of each time but one day she wants to go to their planet.

does your sim have a favourite tv show (cable) and/or movie? She’s not much of a TV viewer actually. She’d rather collect things.

is your sim a netflix viewer? if so what are their top 3 shows. IF she was she’d be watching documentaries or shows like Ancient Aliens or something like that. Haha

does your sim like books? if so what’s their favourite one? Sciene Science Science. She also read a lot of her grandmother’s books.

does your sim enjoy video games, if so what is their favourite one and do they play on pc or console? YES she has been obsessed with video games since she could play them. But honestly she plays them all.

what is your sim’s personal style? Mom???

does your sim have a lucky charm? She carries crystals in her pockets because she believes in their mystical properties. (And that they are absolutely backed up by science not magic) lol

is your sim religious? She believe’s there’s a Watcher of some sort. If Aliens can exist, why can’t that? But I wouldnt call her religious.

what kind of music does your sim listen to and who is their favourite artist? She sort of listens to anything, no preferences really. Shes usually too busy working to care.

is your sim a festive person? if so what’s their favourite holiday? Spooky day is her favorite but she feels a bit of responsibility to make sure her home is always open to partying with the whole family on holidays.

what is your sim’s favourite type of weather? RAIN

does your sim prefer to start fights or finish them? She prefers to avoid them completely, or stop them if its her kids fighting lol

does your sim have a dream job? Extraterrestrial Explorer, as stated before. :D

does your sim have any siblings? She’s the oldest Then Sebrina was born Then Harlow And finally the youngest and only brother, Vander.

does your sim get along with their family? She’s had it rough with Diana being rebellious but mostly yes.

what is your sims favourite hobby? Collecting everything Bugs, Rocks, Fossils, Elements, MySims, Crystals, Snow globes. You name it, she has it

what does your sim look for in a romantic partner? Someone who doesnt mind she’s a workaholic, and also someone who was willing to wait for her to get married because she didnt want to right away.

what is a secret about your sim? She wants one more baby, but she doesnt know if she should have one so late in life.

what is a wish your sim has? She wants another daughter

what is a flaw your sim has? I personally think shes too hard on Diana, she has high expectations and focuses on that instead of letting her be a kid while she still can.

how do others generally perceive your sim? They would never think of her as a family person judging by her line of work but she really is.

Does your sim have a greatest achievement? If so what is it? Being abducted by aliens probably.

If they have one, what is your sim’s greatest regret? Not getting her dad to Selvadorada before he passed away. She really wanted him to see it one last time.

does your sim have a favourite emoji? 👾🤓

does your sim use simstagram? if so what’s their @? @Martons_Legacy Her mom used to run it but she’s taking over. (Soon)

what is the last text your sim sent (and who did they text)?

[defenestrata]

Jiwon (the only enfp I will stan 👀) + all

you just want me dead. also if anyone is interested first thank u sm i love u ur my new best friend. and secondly here’s the pinterest with all my babes discussed so far on it !! brunner is erich, kim is hyeonjin and choi is jiwon. 

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR OCs

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

like three seconds ? jiwon has the attention span of a goldfish and must be constantly entertained otherwise he’ll die

How easy is it for your character to laugh?

so, so, so easy ! my boy is a ray of sunshine. he’s laughing at his own goddamn joke before he even tells it.

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

listen ? whale songs and all that cutesy stuff ? for losers. if you’re a real alpha you surf youtube for eight hours till your eyes straight up don’t work anymore.

How easy is it to earn their trust?

surprisingly difficult. jiwon has a big circle of acquaintances that he’ll do a lot of things for but if you want to know the man’s deepest darkest insecurities you won’t get them very easily. he has only four or so friends that he would trust that shit to.

How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

again, not very easy. jiwon is not very good at cutting people out, and he tends to keep giving people second chances to sully his trust again and again. save this fool.

Do they consider laws flexible, or immovable?

laws are generally there for a reason, and jiwon respects most of them. and the fact that they exist makes it all the more fun for him to try and break some of the lesser ones like speeding laws. on a scale of 0 meaning inflexible to 10 meaning ‘a light suggestion’, jiwon considers laws to be a 6. 

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

meeting younger people and generally being in environments previously visited may sometimes trigger a feeling of nostalgia in him. but this isn’t very frequent. he’s always thinking about the new, not the old. the rare times he does experience nostalgia, he can get kind of mournful about it — where did the good old days go.

What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

child jiwon was louder and more confrontational than adult jiwon. one story i am absolutely convinced happened was that he was painting in the first grade when the teacher came up to him, looked at his work and said ‘it’s wonderful but don’t you think it needs more colour?’ so my man jc dipped his fingers in paint and held her cheeks saying ‘you need more colour!’ so, yeah, he definitely was told to be nicer and more respectful.

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

jiwon swears without abandon, but doesn’t have a natural inclination towards especially vulgar words. his first swear word was probably 년 ( equivalent of bitch ). likely directed at his sister.

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

jiwon’s parents and sister are pretty liberal, and he’s managed to get his way without offending them too much. he’s only ever frequently lied to teachers about work and skipping classes, and occasionally to the house warden about why his window was open, and why so many stones were thrown at the finley hall down the street. no, it absolutely doesn’t haunt him; it’s too insignificant.

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

ask. ask like sixty questions. sometimes he’ll play devil’s advocate and poke holes in people’s knowledge. just as a test, you know.

How do they deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?

you know how baloo in the jungle book rubs against a tree when his back itches. yeah. he tries to make it look natural. 

What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

i mean, jiwon’s face and body ensures that he looks good in any colour. and he also believes he looks good in any colour. 

What animal do they fear most?

listen. jiwon doesn’t trust horses. back when he was 14 or so, he wanted to learn to ride and for some reason the horses didn’t take to his absolutely irresistible charm. the one called johnny knocked him off after less than ten seconds. other than that he’s also not a fan of rats and crows.

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

jiwon speaks with ease, he’s fluent in the language of flattery and charm. he hates to put too much thought it what he says, and can end up mumbling a lot if he’s distracted. 

What makes their stomach turn?

the idea that one day he’ll have to start wearing suits and talking to shareholders and live a normal, boring working life. oh, and rollercoasters and oysters. 

Are they easily embarrassed?

jiwon is near impossible to embarass. his confidence in himself mixed with a natural talent at shrugging what may even be serious things off as jokes enables him to take everything in his stride. compliment him ? he’s flattered. insult him ? he’s unbothered. upload a picture of him spongebob underpants on twitter ? he’ll retweet with 😍.

What embarrasses them?

the only thing that might embarass him to any degree is being reprimanded in public. he has an image as a good boy gone bad with a heart of gold that’s he’s cultivated in the years he’s been on social media. so interrupting that with a lecture about responsibility in public ? no thanks. 

What is their favorite number?

10. a perfect score, his birthday, just a nice number. 

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

jiwon doesn’t think about this much, but he doesn’t make a big difference between platonic and familial love. his best friends are family, and his sister is his best, best friend. he figures that romantic love and sexual attraction are correlated (which of course isn’t really true but). aka, if you wouldn’t mind banging them, you’re probably in romantic love.  

Why do they get up in the morning?

to upload a good morning ‘woke up like this’ selfie, duh. nah but on a more serious note — because each day is a day that he’s gonna have fun, right ? wrong.

How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

jealous jiwon is … messy. the last time jiwon got jealous was about his girlfriend in high school, and he made it a point to act extremely romantic and charming whenever rivals for her affection were around. that, and he was remarkably cruel with anyone he considered so. if he was ignored, he’d get mopey. 

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)?

jiwon doesn’t feel envy one goddamn bit. life is so good, other people envy him. be a better bitch not a bitter bitch, is his motto. of course, it’s easier to be better when you’re the one with a hundred million wons to your name. 

Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom?

again, liberal family. jiwon has no trouble talking about sex. with his friend vicki from school, with hyeonjin (although he’d rather not hear), with anyone but family (for obvious reasons). he gets annoyed about the conservatism of society on the topic, especially among the elder generation. 

What are their thoughts on marriage?

marriage is — okay. he still feels way too young to be even thinking about marrying, but he’s not averse to the idea. 

What is their preferred mode of transportation?

jiwon’s very glad you asked. in the spring of his 19th year, god aka his father got him a ducati panigale bike to celebrate his graduation. that baby is his goddamn pride and joy, and he zooms everywhere he can on it. the only problem is that it’s constantly on and off — every time his mother hears of a new motorcycle accident she forbids its use. 

What causes them to feel dread?

the future in general. realising that he’s going to have to buckle down after college. also, i don’t know about you, but have you noticed that hyeonjin’s acting really weird lately ? like, he barely talks on the phone anymore, looks exhausted, goes out to strange places at night. weird. hope he’s okay. 

Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

jiwon doesn’t like being lied to, period. hypocrite that he is, he has no trouble telling white lies to cover his ass. but, telling a lie to cover something unpleasant — he’d rather not. it’s him who’s going to deal with consequences if the truth comes out.  

Do they usually live up to their own ideals?

well, his ideal, so to speak, would be a legendary actor/musician with millions of adoring fans around the world. so no, he hasn’t really gotten to that point yet but he’s getting there, chill. 

Who do they most regret meeting? 

well, nobody. #noregrets. actually no there was this one bitch in 9th grade who used to keep calling him oppa even when he told her to quit —

Who are they the most glad to have met?

hyeonjin. best friends since they were like seven. haven’t ever had a major argument. plenty of minor ones, but what do you do. vicki, a closeted lesbian pal for whom jiwon was a beard for a couple of months. she’s amazing. 

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

at least six hundred. there was the time that he crashed his bike at his country club. another time that he almost died while on a glass bridge in the mountains in china. oh, how about that time that he was almost scouted for uh…. adult movies ? not exactly the talent range he was intending to go for.  

Could they be considered lazy?

if jiwon doesn’t want to do something, he won’t. and that’s the tea. he’ll get it done through a third party, or just let it die until he finishes it in a 2 am red bull panic. 

How hard is it for them to shake a sense of guilt?

obviously depends on the severity of the event, but in general — jiwon’s pretty good at moving on from things. he’s especially good at changing subject and throwing himself into something new, forgetting the past entirely. 

How do they treat the things their friends come to them excited about? Are they supportive?

ehhhhh a catch here. if you’re close to him, yes, he will try to be excited for you. but you can’t really force him to be excited about anything. if you start talking about how absolutely mindblowing axolotls are, he’ll nod and zone out. 

Do they actively seek romance, or do they wait for it to fall into their lap?

seek out. life’s too short for anything else. 

Do they have a system for remembering names, long lists of numbers, things that need to go in a certain order (like anagrams, putting things to melodies, etc)?

my man makes little jingles about everything. it’s honestly pretty annoying at this point. his magnum opus would have to be the english conjugation table rap. it was popular at his old school for months.

What memory do they revisit the most often?

memories are kind of fuzzy with him, he doesn’t remember the details of places as much as he does the feeling of them. some select memories are of dance nights at ketterbridge ( his english boarding school ) and holidays in jeju, kyoto, bangkok and hawaii. what can i say, he’s a big fan of beaches. 

How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

fairly easy. unless he’s being especially catty, which he certainly can be, people’s flaws don’t matter to him. he’ll make up for them. and if they share flaws ? too bad. the world will have to deal. 

How sensitive are they to their own flaws?

not much, no. i’d say his biggest flaw is detachment from reality and his sheltered lifestyle. he doesn’t know how to do anything on his own. if he was abandoned somewhere (not even like a deserted island, i’m talking apartment in seoul) he’d die. but because it’s unlikely he’ll ever have to be alone ( devil emoji at least that’s what he thinks ) he doesn’t really care about his own flaws.

How do they feel about children?

on surface level, jiwon looks amazing with kids. they’re funny, he’s funny, they’re reckless and silly, he’s reckless and silly. but jiwon would be an awful, awful father, and he knows it. handling a kid is too much work, he doesn’t like hanging with them, because it’s like hanging with slightly less capable clones. 

How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

here’s the thing. his end goal is to become a legendary actor/musician. the path he chooses to follow to get there is still really unclear in his head — he has an impression that it’ll just happen. 

If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

jiwon would just say he likes cute girls, and because all girls are cute, he likes all girls. i envision him as bisexual with a ginormous preference for women. he definitely express attraction to men, but brushes it off as bro stuff. basically, when hyeonjin confesses to him later in the plot, he’s going to be pretty confused emoji. like … he’s straight … but he would maybe date hyeonjin ? he doesn’t mind the idea ? what

QUESTIONS FOR CREATORS

A) Why are you excited about this character?

he’s a dumbass !!! also his attitude makes him so much fun to write. constant quips and jokes and not taking anything seriously. also, karma is gonna get him very soon for that sheltered, pampered life he’s been living :) 

B) What inspired you to create them?

uhhh nothing tbh ? i needed a lighthearted foil in hyeonjin’s story, that’s really it, and he evolved over time to be this monstrosity. 

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

not for the first little arc. but after that, absolutely idk what’s gonna happen to my son.

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

actually, jiwon was supposed to be relegated to the position of minor character in hyeonjin’s story, and was never part of the eight mcs of this particular idea. later, after i dropped one of the characters because she was getting a bit controversial, i plopped him in. so his physical appearance was only properly defined once he became an mc. and it hasn’t changed since. 

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

i’d be filled with immense intrigue and admiration and also deep hatred. like he’s a goddamn idiot but i know i’d love his silly sense of humour and his attitude. 

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

just — happiness tbh ? i lov him. he’s my son. 

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

that he doesn’t NOTICE ANYTHING. ffs jiwon TAKE INTEREST in your surroundings and maybe then you’d realise that your friend is STRUGGLING WITH ADDICTION AND BEING INVOLVED IN ORGANISED CRIME. 

H) What trait do you admire most?

he’s just. impossible to insult. that kind of self esteem. where can i buy it. how much is it. is there a warranty

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

yes. although he’d fit in awfully well anywhere tbh. 

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

yes, sort of. again, it was mostly related to fleshing out his history, getting a better idea of his family dynamics and so forth. 

[franeridart]

i miss your haikyuu art so much it was the best - dont get me wrong i fucking adore your bnha art but like,,,,, haikyuu,,,,,,,

Well pal, aren’t you lucky, you might have been missing from my blog in the past two weeks but if you scroll down just three posts you might notice I’ve been drawing haikyuu again (x x x)

Anon said:People don’t remember baccano anymore? :o

I assumed so since it’s been ten years since it aired and the fandom has always been small and quiet anyway, but it looks like I assumed wrong!!!! That made me so happy, honestly? Baccano’s my fav anime ever, it’s always super nice to see it appreciated!

Anon said:I’M HAPPY YOU LIKE BACCANO! NOBODY KNOWS IT

Anon said:Omg thanks for the baccano au I love it.

Anon said: BACCANO!! I love you so much right now!!!

Anon said: YOU DID A BACCANO CROSSOVER!! IVE NEVER SEEN ONE DUDE MAJOR PROPS TO YOU!!!! I literally love that series, it was one of my first ones so seeing it mixed with one of my current favourites is surreal!!

Anon said: DID YOU JUT DO A BACCANO AU OMG ITA BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE WATCHED THAT IT WAS MY FAVE 😭😭😭😭😭 i cried so much during it all the time it was so badass

This is exactly what I was talking about!!! So HAPPY all of you love that anime as much as I do! And thank you SO MUCH for liking the crossover!!!!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Fran, just out of curiosity, what colors do you associate with Bakugou/Kirishima/the rest of the squad?

The ones I use to write their dialogues! Orange for Bakugou, red for Kirishima, gold for Sero, yellow for Kaminari and pink for Ashido! :D

Anon said: tumblr has been a butt and not notified me of your post but i saw your nishinoya and i died i love the way you draw him and boiiiiii bokuto and kuroo be looking smokin and your kiribaku (is that right??? im a failure i cant remember!!!:( ) is amazing SO MUCH FLUFF i die of happiness. keep up the lovely work 💕👌👌👌

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS HOLY SMOKES!!!!!!!

Anon said:I love your art its so amazing.

Thank youuu ;u;

Anon said:I was just wondering if I could use one of your drawings of Kuroo as a phone background (just for personal use! It’s fine if you don’t want me too! I’m a huge fan and I hope you’re having a nice day~)

Sure! As long as it’s just for personal use I don’t mind at all!!

Anon said:Oh wow, thanks for the tutorial! I think it will be really helpful!

I’m glad to hear that!!!! :D

Anon said: what is the jock / nerd thing?

At this point it’s mostly a meme, I’d say haha

Anon said:ASDFGHJKL *-* Your art is to beautiful for the world

That’s!!!! Too kind of you oh man (〃´ﾉω`〃)

Anon said:Your kiri is so pretty.

THANK YOU!! Every Kiri is super pretty tho, it’s the intrinsic Kirishima-ness of the Kiris that makes them beautiful whatever style they’re drawn in! :O

Anon said:YOUR ZORA ITS SO GOOD I LOVE HIM AS MUCH AS YOU DO AND WHEN I SAW YOU DRAW HIM I WAS LIKE: a m a z i n g 💕💕💕

OH MAN THANK YOU I love that disaster of a trickster so much I’m glad I could make him come out okay ;O;

Anon said:so i left tumblr a while ago?? but i check back every so often bc ur pretty much my favorite tumblr artist ever

Aw man thank you so so so much this means the world to me! ;u; sometimes it’s hard for me to see any improvement in my own art so knowing that you can see it helps a lot!

Anon said:your art is literally my favourite thing in the entire world i love it all! i hope you’re having a good day and taking care of yourself! x

GOSH THANK U I hope you’re having the best day too, anon!!!!

Anon said:Asahi is so pretty when you draw him, I love it; my gentle son, in your amazing art style.

I’M!!!!!! Glad you liked him!!!!!!! That boy is 100% out of my comfort zone so knowing he came out okay is super nice!!!!! :D 

Anon said:The way I drew the bakusquad in that one set of images … They’re like … On the cover of Vogue or something. It’s aesthetically good to my eyes man. Also you kinda got me into tetsukami?? I don’t understand it at all but now im into it BC of ur fanart and bc of other fanart but Imma blame u and im grateful to have another ship to hyperfixate over. Anyway I love youu and your art man, i wish u many good days

Oh man I love you too anon this ask made me so happy???? And I’m especially happy I could get you into tetsukami! It doesn’t make much sense as a ship, does it? But they’d be fun interacting and their quirks work well together, so I have fun thinking about them! I hope they’ll interact in the classes 1a and 1b will have to share in the future! :D

Anon said:Oh I love your Noya’s, so glad you drew my boy again!:)

Thank you for liking him!!!!!! He’s hard to draw but I love him and he makes me happy!!! What a boy!!!

Anon said:Have you seen little noya in the newest chapter

I HAVE little boyo already had his blond hair how cute is that! The newest chapter made me really warm inside I really loved the whole speech Noya made ;u; my inspiring little lightning bolt !!

Anon said:I really really love your bnha art! But put some highlights on the kirabakus one, you probably have the quirk to melt my heart with them ;w;

That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever read!!!!! Thank you SO MUCH!!!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Who do you think would propose? Bakugo or Kirishima???

I actually answered a similar question a while ago! But I can’t find it so I guess to sum it up I mostly think at some point it’d just become something both of them have talked about throught the years enough times that by then it’ll just be something they are gonna do, sooner or later, and when it’ll happen it’ll be more like “we have a stable income and a house and a dog and a cat and are p much already married we should really do this already” - in a scenario like that either of the two works, for me haha

Anon said:the best thing was that I just a moment before u posted I felt bad and pissed ad sad, but then all that disappeared ;V;

I’m!!!!! So happy to know I could help you like that!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Can I just say, I’ve been following your art a long time (I’ve always loved it!) and I’ve really noticed a lot of growth and improvement in your style? The thing that always impresses me most is how you are able to take simplified facial features and make them SO expressive. You convey emotions so well and I love it so much. Thanks for always giving us art to smile about! Hope you are having a lovely day!

THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY G OD!!!! I’m!!!!! crying!!!! probably!!!!!!! FrICK!!!! ;A;

Anon said:KINONOYA!!!!!!

INDEED!!!!! What a good relationship they have!!!!!

Anon said:You draw Sero so good oml he’s too pretty

Anon said:THAT SERO YOU DREW!!! *clutches heart* n i c e !!!!

;O; I’m glad you like him?????? gods!!!!

Anon said:I love the way you draw Kaminari, he looks beautiful in your art style! ^^

SOB you guys are all so nice to me I’m gonna cry for real here ;U; thank you!!!

Anon said:Whenever I’m sad I look at your art and everything feels better.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy I can help you with your mood!!!!!!!

Anon said:When you Kiri with his hair down, I’m always like “that’s it, that’s the cutest Kiri ever” and then you draw him with it spiked and I’m like “no wait, there it is, the cutest Kiri.” And now you go and give me both Kiri’s in that adorable pair of sketches and how is that even fair because how am I supposed to handle that? I can’t even decide anymore. All your kiris are the cutest Kiri.

THANK YOU !!!!!!!!! All Kiris are the cutest Kiris tho, aren’t they? What an inherently cute boy he is!!!

Anon said:i showed my friend your art and since we both find it super good, we both decided to try to draw more regularly because we want get better and get a smooth(? idk how to say it in english lmao) style like yours so thank you for the motivation/inspiration!!

:O !!!!!! I hope you and your friend will have fun while at it, anon!!!!! :D

Anon said:I love your bakushima

AND I LOVE YOU

Anon said:drawing ppl from above is so cool though!! i really like these kinda pics ✨ (esp bo and tetsu, so /cool/!!) dont give up, fran❤

Please don’t enable me anon, if you give me the green light I’m gonna keep on drawing that sorta angle forever hahahaha (thank u so much for the compliment, tho!!!!)

Anon said: ahhh i love your recent kiribaku drawings! they are so cool!!

That was about the red and teal ones, right? Thank you so much!!!! Working with colors like that isn’t something I do often, so I’m really really happy that you guys ended up liking them!!!

Anon said: Row! Row! Fight the power!!

I don’t know what brought this on but HECK YES

Anon said:Man I love all your art, fanart and OCs alike! And your BNHA is such an inspiration and one of the reasons I started writing fic. Have a great day!

OH BOY that’s such a nice thing to know!! I hope you’re having lotsa fun writing fics, anon!! And I also hope you’re having a great day, too!!!

Anon said:OK, i’m sorry for sounding this emotional, but OMG your art makes me cry. it’s just… so beautiful… *there i go again* *crying*

*hands u tissue* thank you so much but please don’t cry!!!!

Anon said:I’M CRYING LUCA’S BIRTHDAY IS THE DAY BEFORE MINE, I’M A PHYSICS MAJOR, A MAJOR DOG (and cat) PERSON, AS WELL AS A MORNING PERSON LIKE WH A T

You’re the second person that tells me they’re really similar to one of my ocs!!!! I wonder what that means? :O but it’s a fun thing to know, anyway!!! :D I hope you don’t mind Luca being so similar to you, anon haha

Anon said: What do you think would happen if eraserhead erased fatgum’s quirk?

He’d probably just lose his ability to absorb hits and then re-use their power? :? but if he’s fat he’s gonna stay fat and if he’s slim he’s gonna stay slim, I think :O

Anon said:Oh my god you know kekkai sensen I’m actually crying I love kekkai sensen but no one I know likes it/knows about it and aaaaaaa I love your art and you drew something from kekkai sensen and thats amazing!!!!

I’M GLAD YOU LIKED IT and I know right? Kkss has such a small fandom! Which to me is super weird considering how much following Trigun used to have? :O it’s definitely one of the best anime I’ve seen in recent times, tho!!!

Anon said:FRAAAANNNNNNNN!!!! I’m soo excited!! I might be getting a tote from your shop for Christmas! My friend asked what I wanted, so I looked at your store, and chose a tote with Mina, and Hagakure (?) And he told me to send him the link!

HOLY SMOKES THANK YOU FOR BUYING MY STUFF ANON THIS SERIOUSLY MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!!!

Anon said: Your art is so good! I especially love your black and white stuff! Its really punchy! Also all your Kiribaku content makes my heart melt!!!!!!

*gross sobbing* thank you so much!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:would it be okay…if i drew luca (giving credit to you tho obv) i just love him so much GOD

YES!!!!!! Please do link me to it if you do draw him, I wanna see!!!!! :D

Anon said:Hey! I really liked your OCs and i was especially intrigued by Max and Leo!! Do you mind telling us more about their relationship? They look so sweet!!! Love ya and keep being awesome!

Thank you so much for liking my kids!!!! ;O; and sadly I can’t tell you too much about them cause their story is a bit still up in the air as far as details go, but in general they used to be best friends back when they were kids, then the accident that gave Leo his scars happened and for reason they lost track of each other for a long while - they met again recently, tho! Leo’s been in love with Max since they were babies and being able to talk to him and interact with him again makes him incredibly happy/mushy/soft but also absurdly and unreasonably overprotective since he’s really, really scared of losing him again - Max… because of plot-related reasons hasn’t realized that Leo is the kid he used to know back when he was super young, so his falling in love with him happens as the story progresses. He finds the overprotectiveness silly and unecessary, but he doesn’t exactly mind it? He has a feeling it helps Leo more than it helps him, so he lets him do his thing. All in all, maybe Max takes more care of Leo than Leo of Max. Welp, their story is kind of a mess haha

Anon said:Have you ever thought about doing nsfw? Or at least something kinda hot?

This is actually answered in my faq! But yeah, no, I don’t do nsfw, sorry! Something kinda hot… maybe in the future? But I gotta be in a very specific mood that doesn’t come around too often, so I dunno if and when that’s gonna be!

[freevoidman]

All of the questions form the ask except for 16 and 17 because I read the tags 😏😊

yoU FUCK--

Also I guess it’s 15 and 16 bc those are the ones that ask for pics? So ur getting everything but those two instead lmao I can’t read.

1. Song of the year?

Thunderstruck by 2CELLOS (skip ahead to 0:38 for the start of the music, 1:10 for the actual cover). It’s a great cover for a famous song and i’m a sucker for cello-only covers. Plus, it’s a great song to listen to when you want to get some of ur aggression out.

2. Album of the year?

The Persona 5 Original Soundtrack! There’s so much amazing songs from the game, all of them jazzy and catchy and oh my god I love the entire thing. The stuff featuring Lyn’s vocals is especially great!

3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?

Hm... there’s not a lot that come to mind, but I guess BTS? I’m not super into their music, and I don’t check out their livestreams and shit where they talk with fans, but their music is pretty sweet!

4. Movie of the year?

UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGH it has to be a tie between IT and Wonder Woman. IT was great on a sheer talent level and, after watching the 90s film, it was a massive improvement and gave the book the justice it deserved. However, Wonder Woman I appreciate because of the hopeful change it might bring to the movie industry and superhero movies, and perhaps lead to less over-sexualization of women in movies.

5. TV show of the year?

Nothing really comes to mind (especially because I don’t really watch TV a lot) but it’d have to be Brooklyn 99. Comedic gold at its finest, and the level of representation is NUTS! I love it!

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

...y’all’re gonna laugh but it’s fucking Shibboleth from West Wing. We watched the episode in one of my classes and it brought up so much political topical stuff that’s happening in my country, as well as the sheer ridiculousness of what the fuck is happening in the US (as well as unintentional attachments that can form bc I made a stupid level of those with just fictional characters lmao)

7. Favorite actor of the year?

Finn Wolfhard. Not only for his level of talent in Stranger Things and IT, but also just his level of comedic genius outside of films and shows. He’s great, and I can’t wait to see where his talents will lead him next.

8. Game of the year?

WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME LIKE THIS.

I’d have to give it to Persona 5, though Breath of the Wild and Final Fantasy XV are close. The reason why P5 wins is because I’ve been waiting for this games since 2013 and it delivered on everything I wanted. Meanwhile, BOTW and FFXV were only purchased after they came out and I saw all the reviews, or (in the case of FFXV) was and impulse buy that I didn’t have much faith in. They’re both great games, don’t get me wrong, but my god, Persona 5 delivered of fucking everything I wanted and a bit more.

9. Best month for you this year?

December (and no, I’m not just saying that because that’s the month we’re in). I’ve been accepted into the colleges I really wanted to be accepted into, and Christmas wasn’t that bad. Though I am sick with something right now, it’s definitely not a bad month, and easily the best one I’ve had with all the stress/disappointments of the months prior.

10. Something that made you cry this year?

...getting a bit personal, it was seeing my cousin during Easter. She’s been struggling with drugs and she had a relapse and was completely out of it. She’s got a kid. I was mad as hell and ready to punch her, but I just kind of broke down outside the house once no one could see me.

11. Something you want to do again next year?

...uuuuuhhh I didn’t really do it this year bc of the amount of shit I had to do, but I really, really want to do NaNoWriMo again. It was fun, and I nearly succeeded last year. I was about two thousand words short because I got sick and I want to get the 50k word count for something!

12. Talk about a new friend you made this year

YES HELLO I’M ABOUT TO PRAISE THE HELL OUT OF @yoitssabrinee SO PREPARE YOURSELVES.

Honestly such a sweetheart???? She’s a-fucking-mazing and so strong despite all the bullshit she’s gone through and she’s so freaking nice and caring! Like, I’ve been complaining to her about how I’ve been sick and she’s always like “did you take your meds? Did you drink water? Did you eat?” And it’s so nice and even if our convos are mostly screaming at each other about FFXV fanfics we’re writing it’s SUCH A JOY to see her messages whenever I wake up/am about to go to sleep.

13. How was your birthday this year?

Good! The only negative part was that it was during a school day (typically it falls on Thanksgiving break, but not this year) and I got a lotta good gifts! I certainly can’t complain about it, that’s for sure.

14. Favorite book you read this year?

Catcher in the Rye. It’s very rare that I find a school book that I enjoy, and this hits all my favorite things. It’s a super introspective look on Holden’s life (which is pretty messed up tbh) and his struggles to reconcile with his flaws and the need to be somewhat ‘normal’.

15. What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?

Sort of a bad habit that I’ve continued and haven’t stopped--picking at my skin. Especially scabs and any chapped skin on my lips. I have so many cuts and scars from doing this, and I really need to stop... 

18. A memorable meal this year?

I went with my family to some fancy-ass Japanese restaurant with my friend irl before we went to see Hamilton. The food there was tasty as hell, and the experience itself made it incredibly memorable.

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

There’s a couple! Getting my driving license, graduating high school, and going to college would definitely be at the top of that list! For more material things, I’m looking forward to Hacker’s Memory, the new Persona rhythm games (I’m being very hopeful that they’ll be released in English around the same time of their Japanese versions) and Final Fantasy Dissidia!

20. What’s something you learned this year?

How to drive!

21. What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

My old swingset broke. I still use it as a way to destress (the repetitive motion of swinging, combined with listening to music really clams me down) and there’s no way we can really repair it until it gets warmer... which could be as early as February, or as late as April, considering the weather patterns. Basically, it has to be above freezing to do anything.

22. Favorite place you visited this year?

Boston for college tours! It was a great city, though I could’ve dealt with less stress from trying to figure out where the fuck to go...

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

It’s hard right now. God do I know how hard it is right now. It’s gonna get harder. You’re going to hate everyone for a while, because no one really helped you the way you needed help, but you’ll make it. I promise you’ll make it.

24. Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

Technically yes, because I didn’t make any. Can’t break any resolutions if you never make ‘em.

25. Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one

Uuuuugh I have a lot that I just make in my head, but because I have the artistic skills of a drunk goldfish I can’t typically draw them, and I’m too nervous to write about them (^^;). Other people can keep asking this one, and I’ll describe a different OC that I have, but only in my head, y’know?

I DID get FFXV Comrades and made an OC! His name is Tonitus, Tony for short. He’s 5′3″ and hails from... Altissia, if I remember correctly. He has about mid-length black hair and bright, that almost Mako-colored blue eyes. 

In my weird-ass lore about the guy, he’s a messenger who got amnesia from falling to the surface. He’s loyal to Ramuh and can harness lightning magic easily, and struggles with fire and ice magic. He got the Kingsglaive uniform from Ramuh himself, who sent him down to Eos to assist the humans with the encroaching darkness and rampant daemons and infected wildlife. As he regains his memory, he’s torn with assisting them like a human would or like a pseudo-god, and his own mortality and how he’ll deal with everyone passing long before him, long before the light can be restored, long before the King can ascend.

[rbbtrd]

I Love Healing

i wrote this when i was tryin to vent but i have no idea how to fuckin vent so instead i. tried to write out healings entire bg lmao a lot of brain stuff was goin on so it might not b. the best piece of literature uve ever read

some misc facts and other htings might b missing bc (points at how fucked my brain was and also how fuckin VAST healings character is and how much development he has)

//warnin theres kinda crass and sensitive language or whatever and there will b mentions of diff kinds of abuse in his story and other not good things under cut so my bad but i wasnt in a good state of mind and tryin to tag n warn u abt it all is skjncfdvav plus this was a vent post for me originally anyways lmao

//another warning lmao under the cut is a Wall Of Text there is a LOT of stuff under cut like 6000+ words so like. warned ya my pals

healing is my favorite fuckin oc and p much. why i fuckin stay alive sknfsef he means so so much to me and has so much meaning to me and is very very very very very very very important to me i fucking Love healing okay i project a lot (i.e All Of Myself) onto healing so he is p much almost quite literally me and vice versa but also not rlly??? its weird and complicated lmao i Love this man tho no one will ever love him more than i do i will fuckin Fight you hes so improtant to me

he is 57 yrs old, his birthday is march 17 but also dec 5th (its complicated) but mostly march 17, his favorite color is red not only bc im projecting but his first loves fav color was also red, he is 5″7 ft tall, hes very silly and kooky and tries his best to become happy and heal and learn and atone for what hes done and expereinced, he LOVES the sea and the ocean and anything relating them like the sea/ocean is very very very important to him for multiple reasons, also loves rabbits and goats and has 2 pet goats (i like to call em his service animals lol)

healing was born to both pure blood tiefling parents, his mother was a servant/slave that belonged on a ship and his father basically just knocked her up, he never met or knew anything about his father other than that he was a tiefling and misc stuff his mom/other servants had told him. his dad is mordecai ahkrah and hes chaotic evil and genuinely a very fucking awful person, his mom is ariarei kallies and is just?? kinda a chatoic neutral, maybe more of a lawful evil, but she has a very bad selfish personality and nasty. she holds no maternal feelings for healing and only sees him as a nuisance and only takes care of him (taking care of him means. The Bare Minimum. i.e- makin sure hes just Not Dead) bc she has to and kinda forcced to. healing does not see ariarei as his mother, but “as the woman who birthed me / brought me into this world” and stuff like that and therefore holds no feelings towards her like a child would w their mother, over the years, healing considers the ocean/sea as his mother more than ariarei and is more emotionally connected to the sea

 healings mom actually never named him, he was nameless/had no name up until the age of 27-28. both his mom and the owners of the ship and whoever hired him always only ever called him “boy”, “child”, “it”, “thing”, “errand boy”, “chore boy”, and names like that bc he never had a name and no one bothered to give him one. both his mom and the owners/ppl who hired him treated him very very poorly and did abuse him frequently in many different ways and manners (lmao projects myself onto my oc) so he has a lot of feelings and experiences w lots of kinds of traumas and abuse

he most specifically received a lot of physical abuse especially from ppl and verbal abuse, some but not too much emotional abuse, and also a handful of sexual abuse. at the time, he thought it was fine and normal and did not realized he was being abused bc “this is just how life is” bc he had literally. never heard of or experienced anything else other than a shit life.

he didnt rlly think anything of the poor treatment or the abuse bc this was all he ever knew, he grew up this way, so he thought it was normal and thought everyone didnt feel anything and if they did OF COURSE theyd b negative feelings, bc thats all u (healing at the time) r capable of feeling. he doesnt get out of this mentality until hes around 18-22

he receives a handful of scars and marks from his time as a servant, he got his first scar when he was a literal Baby bc he was cryin out and his ma got mad and upset abt and scratched his face thus resulting in his lip scar. when he was like 5-7 he met this other servant kid who had The Very Opposite mindset he had and was v bright and optimistic and he dragged healing along when he played and he broke smth and healing took the cover not bc he wanted to save this kid but bc it would be less troublesome bc then the current owner would only have to punish 1 child and the other kid was well liked on the ship unlike healing so then the morale of the servants wouldnt be affected. the owner beat him up p bad but it Wasnt Enough so he smashed healings face into the wooden boards so hard it Broke The Board and also broke his right horn, this also gave his scarring above his brow and stuff up to the broken horn. another prominent scar he has that holds memory to him is the scar on his chest above his heart, where he got that from a case where he was sexually abused and his abuser threatened to tear out his heart if he kept bein a brat. he has NO SCARS on his tail tho, but thats literally bc up until he was w morgan, he was just Lucky in not havin his tail injured. from the time he met morgan and beyond, he then started to actively protect his tail from harm and from ppl touchin it bc morgan said he rlly liked his tail and how it looked and how cool it was and from then on hes liek Oh

he constantly worked when he was of age to and started w small things and worked up to doin manual labor and other things, he only stayed w his mom up until the age of 11-12, after that they were separately sold to different ships and never saw eaqch other again. from that point on, he was switched around a few different ships and buyers, but was otherwise was still  just treated as cargo and property like he had been the past few years. 

the ship he was on at the age of 17 was stopped and liberated by a man named morgan wake (also can be written as morgain), a  human sailor captain (some kind of good, leanin on neutral or chaotic) who specializes in trade, cargo, and just transportation, but also will sell his abilities to fight/go into war or battle and liberates slave ships on his free time lol morgan becomes a Very Very Very important person to healing and is ESSENTIAL to shaping healing into who he is now. healing slowly falls in love with morgan over the years, but never tells morgan abt these feelins bc 1) he doesnt kno what the FUCk hes feelin lmao this boy has only experienced negative emotions and feelings up until he met morgan and 2) he thinks morgan will think hes weird or wrong or gross or smth. healing had absolutealy NO PLACE and NO ONE to go to after he was liberated so morgan saw this and was like Hey. You Should Come Work Under Me For MY Ship. morgan is a BIG BIG BIG guy on justice and equality and stuff for ALL PEOPLE and EVERYONE so this is also a reason why he let healing onto his ship of mostly humans and half-elves and halflings and also this part abt morgan rubs off on healing so healing also becomes a big guy on justice and equality and stuff

the ship morgan owns is a Lil prejudiced againt tieflings so they arent jumpin for joy when morgan makes healing his first mate at the age of 19 bc theyre. Gently Racist over tieflings but morgan kicks their ass and makes healing his first mate and right hand man anyways. at this point, healing is still nameless bc morgan tells him “i cant give you a name, a name is really important, its your identity and what makes you YOU, its ur soul and ur dreams and ur hopes, its YOU, you hear a name and u think of that person etc etc etc” and rlly cheesy stuff like that pertaining to names so morgan is Vehemently against naming healing and instead calls him “buddy”, “pal”, “friend”, “best friend”,  “first mate”, “mate”, and other various nicknames made over the years. he was very adamant on having healing name himself and refused to call him by a name that someone else gave him bc healing told him abt his mom and how he said that his mom wasnt rlly a mother in the first place

morgan knows Everything abt healing and healing w him vice versa bc when they first met and healing was still in his Uhm Nothing Matters Ill Tell You Everything mindset, he told morgan the story abt all his scars and what has happened to him up until that point and what people have done to him. morgan is truly very genuinely heartbroken over this?? bc healing was just Born into this world of shit and awful things that he didnt deserve and also the fact that healing just spoke of his abuse so freely and casually as if it meant nothing and didnt matter and healings view on his own life and life in general due to how he has lived so far and morgan makes it his personal mission to help healing grow out of this and start to become more Alive and less :| and :/ abt life 

morgan becomes very important for and to healing bc like. he literally taught healing Emotions and how amazing and happy and good life can be. morgan taught healing how to Be Alive and Want To Be Alive and how to Feel. before when he was a servant, he was literally just a Shell and genuinely thought life was Supposed to just be inherently shitty and ur suposed to always expereince bad htings and ALWAYS feel ONLY bad negative emotions and feelings.he thought that if he died, it wouldnt matter AT ALL bc he would easily b replaced by another servant and his life had literally no meaning and he genuinely thought he would die before the age of 20 and he was Okay with that he thought it was fine he thought it was okay to not expect to live past 20-25 and etc etc etc. 

when he saved healing, morgain was already quite old-ish?? he was 30 yrs old when healing (at the time, age 17) met him. healnig didnt rlly start to fall in love until around age 19 just some time b4 morgan made him first mate. over the years that healing is on morgans ship, he becomes who he is bc of morgan and  he learns things abt himself and who he is and builds himself bc of morgan and he becomes who healing is in these very moments that he spends with morgan and rightly falls in love because of it bc morgan Saved Him from so many things. morgan took an empty husk and shell of a man that had Began as empty and put smth in it. he had breathed life into an empty bag and made music, he had taken a broken branch and carved a nice ass figure. morgan took something with nothing and gave him Everything.  healing has such a strong connection and attachment to morgan yall cant even begin to understsand it. Runs So Deep in healing, this lov and feeling and attachment he has to morgan

morgan also rlly rlly rlly Rlly likes and appreciates healing and actually also loves healing in the same way, but doesnt tell healing for the same reasons why healing wont tell morgan. they spend the next 10 yrs basically unknowingly pining over each other bc theyre too fuckin afraid to tell each other bc they think the other is gonna b homophobic and its Awful. but also like. sailors back in the day were Rlly Gay so healing and morgan have had their fair share of mutual masturbation and Very Gay Activities w each other bu they were never in the context of romance or in a relationship beyond like. Rlly Rlly Good Best Friends lmao like sex friends but better??

bc healing. was never fuckin educated lmao he doesnt kno how to read or write. over the years he spends with morgan, he BARELY understand the alphabet tbh. he can like,,,,,, understand certain words but he doesnt recognize those words as words they register kinda like symbols in his head. numbers r even WORSE for healing lmao. like he understands map terms north, east, west, south, map, longitude/latitude, etc etc but he recognizes the words as like pictures or symbols in his head that relate to object or meaning or smth, kinda how u see a lil pic of a tree and u recognize it as a tree, thats him w words. healing was morgans first mate and co-captain for 10 years, he often went with morgan to negotiations and business meetings and trades and etc etc etc healing is VERY good w his words bc of this and is actually rlly smart and intelligent and wise. he just cant read or write lol. he has a +0 intelligence on his sheet but a +3 wisdom

healing lives the next 10 yrs of his life after being liberated at the age of 17 to 27 w morgan and his ship and his crew and hes enjoying himself and livin it to the fullest and hes happy and its so good and all is well, but also keep in mind that healing, through out all of these 10 yrs, has STILL not have a name for himself yet. BUT morgan HAS given healing a seashell necklace as well as his ear piercings. he wears these items everyday and they hold like. a lot of emotional important and support for him

but then morgan dies LMAO morgan dies at the age of 40 when healing is 27 and he dies from both sickness from old age (bc sailors back then. died p early skdjfnwsndv) and also from an injury wound he had gotten when in battle earlier that month. morgans death strikes his crew very harshly but without a doubt everyone on the ship agreed that healing was the MOST hurt and affected and shaken from morgans death. morgans last words and also his will states that he wanted healing to become the new captain of the ship. healing doesnt rlly become the new captain bc hes too busy mourning over his death for the next yr.

morgan and healing NEVER tell each other abt their feelings for one another, so morgan dies with this regret of never saying anything and healing lives with the regret of never saying anything before he died. this plays into how healing chose his name

after his mourning and grieving period he starts to slowly collect himself and in this period of time, this is where he finally chooses his name. he thinks abt how morgan was never able to call him by a proper name despite how important names were to morgan, so as hes starting to heal from his death, he picks his own name for himself. he debated on choosing his name as love, bc he loved morgan but never told him despite the fact that morgan quite literally taught him how to love. but he decides on the name healing bc he also thought abt how morgan said how he wanted to help healing start to mend and heal from all the trauma and abuse hes been through and healing sort of just shoved love into that process of healing, therefore That Is His Name Now. his name is now like. an important memoir of morgan as well as like. His Name. his name now holds a very hefty important weight and meaning to him now.

when morgan dies, he makes a lot of vows to himself like how hell never love someone again and how he would keep up morgans work and how he would keep morgans policy of justice and equality and how he would never treat people the way he was treated as a servant and how he would never hurt someone on purpose. after morgans death, he starts to like. hoard items he thinks morgan would have liked and then eventually this just turns from “hoarding for morgan” to “depression coping hoarding” and he just hoards things he thinks has some use or worth of value (which is like. Everything lmao so he never throws stuff away)

the ship crew are not All That Happy that healing is their new captain, but they really did intensely respect and appreciated morgan both as a captain and an individual so they abide by his will and last words and let healing be captain despite the fact that they thought hed b bad at it. but Surprise Surprise healing is actually rlly rlly good at being a captain bc he spent 10 yrs by morgans side and he knows how to do everything rlly well and the crew r kind of surprised and apologize for sterotypin him and for being so prejudiced and not trustin him and etc etc etc and healing is happy for another long while bc now he has like?? a family?? this crew was now his family and he loved everyone on this ship and they loved him?? he was Rlly Good at what he did bc he took over morgans work of trade and also liberating ships and sellin his time to fight for ppl and he was super close to his crew and they grew closer over the yrs and they give him a seashell bracelet similar to how morgan gave him the necklace and earrings so now healing has like. a physical object to associate his emotional relationship and feelings and shit to like he did for morgan w the necklace and earrings

but ofc knowin me its time to Fuck Him Over Again lmao over the yrs while hes in his 30s hes gets like. Rlly Rlly Rlly well known for his deeds and his work and actions so he gets super popular and he has. A Lotta Sex and is Very Well Known for sex and also his dick lol and also sometimes got into. not so hot relationships. at current time right now, age of 57, healing has 5 children he isnt aware of bc he left the other person before they even Knew they were pregnant. he was rlly good with not letting his partner get pregnant but accidents happen lmao sometimes he let the fame and popularity get to his head so he was kind of a Cocky Narcissistic Dick sometimes 

a total of 5 times during his 30s he got himself into. very bad toxic abusive manipulative relationships. these 5 people were all very similar in what they did to healing and how they did it to him. in each of these 5 cases, both healing and his crew reacted the same. when u hang out w manipulative bad ppl, u kinda become manipulative and bad urself, and thats what happened w healing and his crew. these 5 ppl preyed on the fact that healing was emotionally very weak and vulnerable to romantic affection and intimacy and how he had a Rlly Rlly Big Fear of losing people he loved or cared about. they made him care abt them and threatened to leave him if he didnt do what they wanted, as well as abuse him in other different manners physically, emotionally (BIG TIME emotional abuse), verbally, and mentally. during the itme he was in these relationships w these ppl, healing was very much not like his usual self, hes a chatoic neutral but when w theswe ppl he was like?? lawful evil?? true evil?? he became Rlly Bad and did Rlly Bad things that, now in current day time he regrets deeply and feels.

when he was in these relationships, they made him break a lot of the vows he took when morgan died or else theyd do smth to him or to themself ot to his crew or smth like that and it haunts him to this very day abt how he could have done those things to those people despite the fact that the same was done to him and how he NEVER wanted to do that to other people. it dredges bad things up in his memories and in his heart and he has nightmares abt both his traumas and abuse as well as the traumas and abuse hes made others go through.  these people hurt him very deeply in his 30s and scarred him emotionally and mentally more intensely than the people that mistreated him when he was a servant

his 30s was a. Rollercoaster tbh. he went thru very intense and frequent highs and lows bc the time when he was with these people they were his Very Very Low Lows and when he wasnt with them and just doing his job w his crew and livin life he was very happy and his life took on a Very Good High. as he got a lil older at the age of 37 he was doing good and it was a high during his lifetime and that point and when he was 37 he was actually on his ship hunting down a bandit/pirate ship bc someone had bought his ships and effort to help them track down this ship

he has a lot of adventures in his 30s and goes thru so many things and and thru so many situations and so many people and encountered just. A Lot Of Stuff in General. hes experienced probs like. 2 lifetime of experiences and shit by the age of 37 lmao but he wouldnt trade any of these experiences, good or bad, for ANYTHING in the world

but sadly (bc i love makin his life so full of angst) as hes chasing this ship, a Rlly Big Storm comes by and fuckin. WRECKS his ship. absolutely obliterates it. it catches fire and tons of his crew members r jumpin off and panicking and the ship is falling apart and hes so AAAAAAAAAAAAA rn. in the future, the imagery of a sunken or turned up or just in general not normal 100% functioning ship is very unsettling to him and triggers this rlly bad memory. also Rlly Rlly Rlly BIG BIG fires unsettle him very badly and makes him Extremely Uncomfortable but it doesnt rlly trigger this bad memory as much as broken ships do

healing is knocked from the ship and passed out and when he awakes hes on the shore with the remains of wood from his ship along the shore and he is. absolutely broken. he lost his Whole Family in one night and yet he was the one who didnt die?? he assumes everyone on his crew ship died (even tho some survived but he has yet to encounter them) and he was the only one who survived and at the moment he HATED this fact. he hated that he was left to live and he reverts back to his mindset that he had when he was younger how his life didnt matter and etc etc etc

hes also??????????? SUPER upset and heartbroken that the sea was the one who did this to him. the ocean, to which he was born and raised on (he has never lived on land in the past 37 yrs of his life, hes been on land and stayed overnight at inns or smth and stuff but hes never Lived anywhere on land and thinks houses r Weird bc hes lived on a boats and ships for 37 yrs kjefnvslefv), the ocean to which he considered his real mother, the ocean that granted him so much freedom from so much of the things that hes experienced, the ocean to which he was so deeply emotionally connected to and how much the sea had meant to him. he knows he cannot control the sea and accepts that the sea had sunken his ship but that doesnt mean hes not going to still feel sad and shitty abt it lol 

he Basically has a meltdown at this shore and cursin at how he should have been the one to die in this wreck and passes out bc. exhaustion and etc lmao. and then in comes Love Interest #2, noel, a neutral good wood elf monk who, just like morgan, is a very free spirit and very kind and reminds healing just enough of morgan to make his heart start to feel something again

noel sees this tieflin dude passed out on the beach and is like. Oh. Thats Not Good. and he goes to help him out and brings him back to his campsite to patch him up and heal his wounds and take care of him and nurture him back to health a bit until healing wakes up.

healing is like HWHA and is like uhhhh thnks but i gotta Go Now bc Yet Again in this mnoment he vows a bunch of other shit like how hell live a life of solitude and never involve himself w others bc he thinks of himself as a harbinger of bad things and chaos and doom and misfortune follows him and how everyone he loves or tells them abt his life/story dies

but noel is too friendly and caring to just Let Him Go and hes just rlly interested in healing just as an individual and just also wants a companion to travel w bc hes just like a wandering monk who weaves in and out of woods and forests and villages and stuff

fast forward- after a Lot of effort and A Lot of time and A Lot of trust and such, healing slowly Very Very Slowly opens up to noel about himself and his life and what hes gone though and all of the sort of bad and good things hes experienced and grows closer to him and they fall in llove with each other and its both mutual and healing is like “wow??? being in love is so nice?? this is such a good feeling?? i love noel and he loves me back and we can kiss and hug and do stuff and both of us know we are doing this out of mutual romantic attraction??????????” and this is like. A Brand New Feeling for healing bc his relationship and love for morgan was 100% unrequited

noel basically becomes healings teacher tbh since noel is a monk he teaches healing the way of bein a monk most specifically the way of the 4 elements. noel is a master of the way of the 4 elements, but is best w earth and air, healing has such a strong attachment to the water and a close relation with fire so hes naturally like. rlly good w those 2 lmao he catches on real quick despite the fact that. only noel is teaching him and neither of them belong to a temple or have a temple to go to lmao

as time goes on both healing and noel are like. kinda famous monks that travel through the land and are well known bc healing was already previously well known as a rlly rlly cool famous captain and now he kinda dropped off the face of the earth for like 5 yrs but now hes back w noel and he looks a lil diff now bc hes older and his hairs a lil longer but ppl are aware that hes healing

its all good and healing is enjoying life real nice rn and hes happy once again and hes in love with noel and noel is in love with healing and its so good and healing is traveling again but also like. up until he was 37 yrs old he was like livin at sea on a ship. so when he goes along w noel when they travel through the woods on land its kinda Weird for him bc hes like. Never Been On Land For This Long lmao

from the moment he was stranded on that beach to right now in his current time, healing ALWAYS has smth of the sea/ocean w him ALWAYS it is a must and he has to have it for multiple reasons and most of the reasons are for like. safety reasons?? theyre like his safety items it calms him down and soothes him in multiple ways like emotionally and mentally. he ALWAYS has at LEAST 1 (one) bottle or flask or SOMETHING filled w sea water he always has some sea water on him, he also just. collects a MASSIVE amount of shells and sea glass and any other things u could find on the beach or sea he always has some of this stuff on him for comfort and stuff

like with all of the deep and intimate and important and emotional relationships in his life, noel gives healing smth that he can attach noel to emotionally and etc etrc etc. noel gives healing tattoos that are like monk tattoos and symbolize what he does best on his back i.e fire and water and also a few like. just fun lil casual tattoos to make healing and himself happy like a boat and anchor on his wrist and stuff and healing is like Oh Gee Hope Nothing Bad Happens

but smth bad does happen lol. after 10 literal yrs (healing is now 47) theyre in the woods camping out and etc etc etc and its like the dead of night and theyre sleepin in their tents and its good and all but then some bandits or smth just pass by their site and decide “hey. lets fuckin loot this place and fuck shit up” and they do and engage in combat w noel and healing and its just a series of unfortunate events and bad luck and timing and long story short these bandits do lethal and fatal damage to noel but healing manages to fend em off and they go running and now healing is kneeling over the dying body of his lover

noel literally dies in healings arms and this event triggers all of his previous mental state and mindset from before abt how hes a harbinger of bad things and how everyone he loves does and he only brings misfortune and hes liike “y do the ppl around me die???? y cant *I* be the one to die for once??? wtf????” and he feels so many emotions and is so ANGRY at himself bc This Just Keeps happening and the people he loves just keep Getting Hurt and he cries and buries noel and makes a grave and does a lot of sentimental stuff and mourns and just stays where he is in the woods for like. weeks until his supplies runs out and he finally leaves the area of the forest hes in with a heavy… Everything slkdfnvsdkfs fvhesfdnviksfd hes RLLY intensely emotionally and mentally fucked now

he makes the same kinds of vows as before again plus some but now its even STRONGER. he Will Not EVER fall in love ever again, he will never tell anyone ANYTHING abt him thats not surface level info, he takes up his old vows like never hurt ppl on purpose and never treating him the way he was treated and how he will upkeep his code of justice and equality, and how he will NEVER EVER have any deep relationships and friendships and he will keep them very surface level and how he will keep everyone at like an arms distance and a half from him

and so he mourns over his lost loved ones and is just a fuckin angsty emotionally shut and locked up traveling tiefling monk and hes alone and just. travels bc he feels like if he stays in one place too long he might bring misfortune to the ppl around him and he just. BASICALLY keeps this up for ANOTHER 10 yrs dsfkjvnsenfvedv je travels around EVERYWHERE and the first few years he tried his best to avoid rlly thick wooded areas and the sea but eventually he grew and healed a bit more and allowed himself to get on boats again and go thru forests and woods

healing chose his name bc he wanted to heal and grown and change and become a better person and try his best to just be as happy as he could be and to atone for what hes done and just. try to get thru life at this point. and make sure he leaves people better than when he meets them and to make sure everyone he encounters have AT LEAST a Not Bad impression of him. so thats basically what his goal is after noel dies and he just travels on his own and in solitude and he nevers takes along a companion and is jsut by himself and quite literally isolates himself all the time. he keeps the people he talks to at an arm and a halfs distance, he never lets them know anything below surface level info abt him, he like?? basically puts on a front and all but he is still genuinely friendly and likes to talk to ppl he just. doesnt want them to know any like Substantial Info abt him or kno him beyond surface level and stuff

after some time tho he meets a man named elias aka MAN OF THE HOUR aka my datefriends oc and he jsut?? will NOT leave healing alone he just WILL NOT go away and he basically just. is forcibly at healings side as they travel and healing just CANNOT get rid of him and elias is just with him and hes trying to pry thru healings massive amounts of layers and walls and barriers and etc etc etc and ofc he does this respectfully hes not like. forcing his way into healings life and forcing healing to tell him abt his life he just. wants to kno more abt him and is very genuinely attracted to this man in many many ways 

healing realizes he cant force elias to go away and is just like (shrugs) ok w/e guess i cant get rid of u and tries to keep his walls and his front up but he just finds himself getting rlly comfortable w elias?? he finds his presence soothing and stuff bc hes been alone for the past previous yrs and now he has a companion again and its a rlly nice feeling and they grow a lil closer bit by bit over time

more time passes on and eventually, in the middle of a mental break/meltdown, healing just. Spills Everything to elias like. All Of His Life from the moment he was born until this current faction in time where hes sobbing into elias’ arm about his whole life and he feels kind of better and its okay for a while and he just passes out in elias’ arms but then he wakes up and has a panic attack and is like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I TOLD THIS MAN MY ENTIRE LIFE I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW OR HELL DIE I RLLY LIKE HIM THO I DONT WANT HIM TO DIE and he faces the facts that he 1) likes elias 2) is very internally and mentally fukt 3) is internally rlly fuckin secretive and tries to hide everythin abt himself and 4) is Dyin Real Bad for multiple reasons

elias tries to reassure healing and tries to tell him everything will be fine and he wont die and etc etc etc and stuff and from this point on forward healing and elias are much closer and continue to get closer until theyre basically in a relationship and its difficult tbh bc healing rlly wants to leave elias out of his fear but elias stays w him and its a long proccess and journey for healing to learn how to properly cope w all of the things hes felt and experienced and grow and heal and etc et ect

eventually fast forward in time, at the age of 57, healing is MARRIED to elias :’’) and they r in love and everything is okay and healing has and is continuing to learn how to accept what hes done and how to properly cope and deal w things and have less walls and barriers and be better and elias is one of his MOST important relationships to him, on par w morgan and noel, and its all good and happy and healing lives the rest of his life out w elias and dies happy and etc etc etc and its all just GREAT and also their shipname is heelies bc its funny lmao 

i left out a lotta details but fuckin. whatever lmao

anyways i love healing thnk u and good night