#its nice to know i have an audience in my tiny corner of the internet

[sanstropfremir]

i really like reading your opinions about all of this! it’s a realllly interesting insight into how all this works and there are a lot of components that i have not consciously considered until you brought it up! i don’t work in the entertainment field (though i hope to one day) and only really watch kpop for what it is - entertainment. there’s very little pages on social media that talk about and explore the details and purpose of the work itself.

like the taemin conversation (move, want, his dancing overall)? my mind 🤯 it made me respect him even MORE as an artist and i didn’t think it was entirely possible. but here we are lol

but ya, there hasn’t been a lot of engaging conversation re the kingdom stages… whenever i look at the youtube comments it’s always (what i’m assuming) really young fans who only care for their biases and flood it with like omg oppa is the best. and that’s not at all helpful. especially because of your comment on skz and the lack of growth. this show could really be used to talk about kpop stages and the aspects that go into making a really fucking great performance. seriously thank you for your thoughts because it’s fun reading them!

awww anon youre so sweet!! i hope you do get to work in entertainment some day! its hard work but a lot of fun!

kpop is very interesting as an industry because a lot of it is antithetical to deep thematic analysis by its nature as a capitalistic product, but you can do deep aesthetic analysis. i stand on my soapbox and yell about spectacle as meaningful art because the people who design these aesthetics care very deeply about their jobs, and the choices made are deliberate ones. part of the reason there’s little to no designers talking about kpop is because we just don’t have time. we’re categorically overworked, underpaid, and under credited. and we’re a small group in the first place. the job is only a century old! i didnt even want to be a designer when i started theatre school, i was planning on being a stage manager. designers also usually aren’t really the type to put themselves out there on the internet to talk about design in their free time. IF you have free time at all. if we were in the before times i wouldnt be talking about this at all because id be way too tired. its only because i have all this free time and im in school in a different field (im getting a masters in contemporary art), and because i miss performance so much that im writing these at all. i have to fill the void somehow. writing these reviews is a good critical exercise for me because its keeping my observation skills sharp. i do agree with you, i think kingdom could have been a really good platform to talk more about all the aspects that go into making strong performances, but the fandom culture of kpop prevents any kind of meaningful criticism in the public arena. obviously these conversations are happening outside the eye of the camera, and im sure kingdom has prompted these groups/companies to think more seriously about each element of performance, we’re just unlikely to ever see those conversations.

[hopelessromanticspoonie]

As You Are

Title: Focus

Co-authors: hopeless_romantic_spoonie, yespolkadotkitty

Summary: A reader insert series about a spoonie Stark Industries IT tech who finds a kindred spirit in Loki, God of Spoons, because it’s hard being different on the inside.

Rating: General Audiences

Also found on Ao3 here :)

Taglist: @just-the-hiddles, @yespolkadotkitty

“Need anything, Spoons?”

You lifted your head from where it was bent over in front of the computer, rolling the stiff muscles in your neck to see Tony standing at the door to the server room. His eyebrows were pulled together in worry, and a faint frown ghosted on his lips.

You shot him a quick smile and shook your head before returning your attention to the screen in front of you, intent upon not losing your train of thought. “Nope, I‘m good, Boss man.”

It was more difficult to work in the Tower, for several reasons. Besides having to remain in one spot for several hours, which was murder on your back, Tony and the rest of the Avengers usually thought it best to check on you periodically. It was sweet, but it was distracting, and you were struggling to maintain your focus as it was with your pain levels slowly climbing the longer you spent hunched over in that chair. It was meant to be ergonomic, but that only went so far.

Damn your internet for dying when it did.

Your eyes were bloodshot by the time Tony came around again, leaning against the doorframe and poking his head inside, rapping his knuckles against the metal loudly.

“What, Tony?” you asked, a hint of venom creeping into your tone, born of frustration and pain. If looks could kill, he would’ve been dead hours ago.

He arched a brow at your tone. “You need to eat something, Dorothy. Click those heels together and take a break.”

“I’m fine,” you snapped, even as your back twinged and made your face twist into a wince that was there and gone in an instant. “I just want to get this done as quickly as possible.”

Tony raised his hands placatingly and backed out of the room.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but your muscles were alternating between sharp spasms and breathtaking cramps by the time Tony strolled into the room, followed by Loki. You shot them both a glance, taking in the obvious concern on Tony’s face and the practiced boredom on Loki’s, before going back to your work, tapping your foot on the floor as you did.

You were so close.

“Tell her that she needs to go home,” Tony commanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

Loki arched a black brow at the command, tilting his head to the side. “You forget yourself. You do not control me, Stark.” His expression softened just a bit when he took you in, drawing over your body slowly before settling back on your face, where he found your cheeks flushed, your eyes bloodshot, your mouth set into a firm line and a permanent crease having formed in between your drawn brows.

Genuine concern tugged the corners of his lips downward as he mimicked Tony’s pose, but lazily against the wall opposite you. “Do you need help, kitten?”

You balked at the nickname, but set your face into a look of pure determination after letting that settle for a second. “Nope, I’m almost done here. I’m good.”

Loki waved his hand at you in a flourish, looking at Tony exasperatedly. “Listen to her. She claims to be fine, so trust that. Are there more pointless errands you wish for me to perform, or are we finished?”

Tony grumbled under his breath, shooting both of you a look before practically stomping out of the room.

You sent a grateful smile Loki’s way, but it was brief and didn’t reach your eyes. “Thanks. I’d have been done thirty minutes ago if he hadn’t come in here every ten minutes checking up on me. It interrupts my focus."

His long strides ate up the distance between you quickly, and he folded himself into a chair on the other side of the desk, his long legs spread and arms supported by the armrests. It wasn’t fair that he could be so damned graceful and regal while doing something so simple. The thought made a blush stain your cheeks, and you captured your bottom lip in between your teeth at the foolishness of the thought. He said nothing, simply observed you, and eventually you stopped watching him from the corner of your eye so that you could get finished up and go home to your duvet nest and muscle relaxers.

“Done! Thank goodness,” you sighed, sitting back in the chair with a light groan. You had pushed it too far, you knew that, but your stubborn will had kept you here until the job was done. The payment tomorrow for such an idiotic move would be steep, but that was a worry for future you to manage. You glanced at the clock and inwardly reeled at the time. It was late, much later than you thought, and Loki really should have gone home already.

So should you, but that was beside the point.

“Plans tonight?” you asked conversationally, bracing yourself on the desk with rigid arms as you raised yourself to a standing position, swallowing the groan that wanted to come from deep within you at the stiff pain throbbing in your entire body.

Loki rose as well, watching you with piercing emerald eyes that missed nothing. “Ensuring that you return to your home safely.”

A huff of indignation fluttered your lips. You cursed yourself for forgetting your cane at home - going without it would make the journey on public transportation that much more daunting. Maybe you could slyly support yourself with the metal desk beneath you? “I’m good here, just a little slow. You go home and I’ll see you the next time you come ‘round to critique my TV show choices.”

But if anyone besides you was stubborn, it was Loki. He didn’t hover over you, but he remained close by as you took slow, excruciating steps from the room. When your knee buckled, damn nerve damage, he swooped in to hold you up before tucking your hand into the crook of his elbow as if you were an old couple going on a stroll.

It felt nice, being this close to him. He smelled lovely and familiar, and his arm was firm beneath your touch.

“Tony didn’t notice,” you grumbled childishly, referring to your weakened steps, “at least not enough to push it. You don’t have to help me, you know.”

“That overgrown man child can hardly tell his backside from his face. Little wonder he has no idea as to your true physical state that you so poorly attempted to hide,” Loki replied, tilting his sharp chin down to you as you both stepped into the elevator. He leveled you with the intensity of his concerned gaze. “Did it ever occur to you that having me around might prove optimal to your health?”

Self-sufficiency reared its stubborn head inside of you, forcing you to square your shoulders against the pain. “No, because I can do things on my own.”

He nodded and squeezed your hand tighter to him for just a moment. “You absolutely can, kitten, but you do not have to.”

Your heart melted, just a little. If he kept this up, a tiny piece of it would break off and be lost to him forever.

"Besides," he added, "I find that I would be most entertained by critiquing the next episode of One Hundred Percent Hotter. Those people have little to no idea about maths."

You laughed, and the levity helped ease the pain a bit. "Take me home."

[bryonysimcox]

A Glimmer of Freedom: Week 16 & 17, Spain

Tiny glimpses of normal life have emerged here in Spain. George’s 30th Birthday, my first swim in the ocean since lockdown and a new video release have brought some variety to the last fortnight.

I slipped up. When our sixteenth week on the road came and went, the pressure to write this weekly post was building up, and I was increasingly frustrated that I couldn’t find the time (or the energy!) to write it. It got to a point that it made more sense to wait another week and present you with a fortnight’s worth of updates instead!

It does feel like a failure when you break a habit though. Sure, not many people read this blog and no one is shouting at me if I don’t produce a new post on the mark every week. But I still feel accountable both to others and myself to keep this journal as an ongoing reflection of our travels. Since the Covid-19 pandemic gripped the world and turned it upside down, in some ways this journal has even more meaning as a documentation of a life lived under incredibly unusual circumstances.

Alas, I’m here now, on a sunny Thursday in the early afternoon, trying to recall everything that’s happened in the last two weeks and also trying not to beat myself up about breaking my usual writing pattern.

On the 8th May, it was George’s 30th Birthday.

George has never been big on birthdays. For him, they’re just another day, but just one on which your age happens to tick over another year. For me, as an extrovert who loves an excuse to eat cake for breakfast or to throw a party, this mindset seems bonkers! Over the years that we’ve been together though, I realise George just really values the company of others and having a nice, low-key day.

So even though I was downright gutted that we were celebrating his big milestone in lockdown, with just one another’s company in the Spanish countryside, he wasn’t fussed and it turned out to be a really, really nice day.

(images) George’s birthday

I’d pulled together a video from friends and family singing “Happy Birthday”, and this motley crew of singers was such a lovely thing to watch, along to a breakfast of avocado on toast. After a lazy morning and even a bit of editing (yep, George happily worked on his birthday!) we decided to head out for a walk.

De-escalation measures are slowly underway in Spain and by George’s birthday we were finally allowed out for daily exercise or a walk with family members. Taking advantage of this (but sneakily breaking the allocated time windows for the exercise), we took our first walk to somewhere other than the supermarket in almost two months. And boy, was it worth it!

Empty streets, uncomfortable face masks and police tape cordoning off playgrounds don’t necessarily contribute to a pleasant walk, but it was the first taste of freedom we’d had in so long. We enjoyed seeing houses and areas we hadn’t passed by in a while, noticing changes that have taken place fuelled by a new demand for hygiene or physical distancing. And finally, we made it to the ocean: a sight for sore eyes.

Just getting to the ocean on George’s birthday and dipping my toes in the water was such a special moment, and a reminder of how much I value the sea, especially after having been deprived of this natural element for so long.

(images, left to right) Empty streets which still feel bizarre, getting ready for a paddle on George’s birthday, and a birthday walk (complete with face mask).

I’ve said it before on this blog and I’ll say it again: I’m constantly reminded of how ‘good’ we’ve got it. We’ve been treated with kindness and generosity, are able to exchange skills and resources with people, find work, upload videos, have access to the internet and get food in the shops. But all that said, I almost wept when I dipped my toes in the salty water after so long. I believe everyone has a human right to access nature.

Perhaps because George has now entered his thirties, or more likely because lockdown is triggering self-reflection among many of us, George and I have spent a fair few long evenings discussing life and what it means to be human. I’m not professing to have made any ground-breaking discoveries, but have noticed both how therapeutic and how liberating it has been to get a little more philosophical. It’s helped me to focus on life as it is now, and get less hung up about the future. People have asked us about our ongoing plans with the van and I feel more comfortable now telling them I just don’t know when and where we’ll get ‘back on track’. Whilst staying in Spain for an extended period of time wasn’t ever the plan, I still know that good things can come from it if I embrace the unknown and enjoy living here a little longer.

How many moments do we lose out on cause we’re fretting that they’re not what we planned for our lives?

One thing which I certainly didn’t plan for but have been pleasantly surprised by is getting a chance to learn a little more about agriculture. We spent time in the garden in Catalonia preparing for and planting vegetables, an activity that most folk in the Spanish countryside seem to be doing, in anticipation for summer as it comes around the corner. We were working with Pepe, who grows vegetables here as a hobby, and who has had the generosity to show us his approach and let us learn by getting our hands dirty. He is a kind and patient man.

(image) Building cane structures for tomatoes and planting peppers, cucumbers and courgettes.

Talking with Pepe has been great practice for my Spanish too, as I’m forced to use it in the moment. Reading in a foreign language has always been much easier than listening or speaking for me, because I don’t have the time pressure to respond and I can process the information visually. But everyday life relies on speaking and listening, and being in Spain has exposed me to more of that, which is ultimately a good thing. I do also try to read the Spanish news, not only to practice my Spanish but to keep an eye on the political situation here and how the Covid-19 crisis is being dealt with.

The Spanish government is rolling out a phased, place-based de-escalation plan which closely monitors Covid-19 cases.

My perception is that the government here has handled the crisis quite ‘well’ (though there are so many factors I perhaps can’t see) and has put the health of its people first and foremost before the economy. Plenty of things are starting to reappear, but with the overarching sense that there is a sensible, humanist power overseeing it all. Slowly but surely, children play in the streets again, people drink their coffees and chat a metre or two apart, and we learn to smile extra hard so that our eyes share the emotion that our mouth, now-concealed by a mask, can’t.

The next time we made use of our daily exercise allowance, I took the plunge - literally. We headed to the coast and we’d hardly got to the sand before I was in the water. Words escape me when I think of that feeling - of swimming in the sea and feeling completely unburdened by anything. It’s undeniably therapeutic.

Once de-escalation permitted a little more movement, George and I also decided it was time to film Suzi the van. Back when we were in Bordeaux (which believe it or not was our second week on the road!) we filmed a tour of the van with the plan of making a video all about our van build process and the finished result. But more recently when we came to edit all the footage together, we just hadn’t captured enough footage of the van, and especially little details of all the elements like the tyres, engine, furniture and solar panels. 

So with camera in hand, we took Suzi out for a spin. It was nice to be filming again, even if it was just to get details of our dusty HiAce along quiet Spanish backroads. Each and every time we film is a chance for me to get more confident behind the camera too, balancing the composition, lighting and focus, and with the added complication that it’s not just a static image I’m working with.

(images) Filming Suzi the HiAce for our van tour video.

As we carry on filming and developing creative content through Broaden, it is a joy to see other folk making and creating too.

The internet continues to be a hotbet for this creativity. Back in Week 9 I wrote about my brother’s VJ live streaming and daily guided meditations from Gaba podcast, and these last few weeks I’ve continued to turn to the internet for inspiration and entertainment.

Just one example of the art we’ve enjoyed online this fortnight was when my dear friend Rosie Tee shared a line-up with the likes of Jamie Cullum and the Electric Lady Big Band as Cheltenham Jazz Festival took place virtually. More than 600 people tuned in for Rosie’s set online (which can be viewed again here), which is a testament to the potential audience hungry for creative expression. More recently, my brother did another VJ set for the arts and entertainment community ‘Is Dead’, with a live stream that took place in a virtual warehouse! It was pretty mind-boggling to be in this virtual events space with other people from across the world, listening to DJs and watching Dominic’s visuals projected on a virtual screen within this virtual space.

(image) Rosie Tee plays ‘Wax & Wane’ for Cheltenham Jazz Festival and Dominic (VJ XYZ)’s live set in a virtual warehouse.

The internet is an incomparable resource when we leverage it as a platform for sharing and distributing art, and especially when we focus on its ability to be decentralised and accessible.

As people slowly enjoy increasing liberties again, I anticipate the internet will have a newfound role to play. Whilst I’ve now experienced some freedoms to move around and do things which I couldn’t over the last two months, there is no sign of a ‘miracle-cure’ or rapid recovery from this pandemic. Many daily interactions which once seemed normal will long be impeded and the potential effects on our mental health and sense of connection could be profound. This is where the digital world will likely mesh with the physical, providing ways to talk and debate, disseminate news and new ideas, and share acts of creative expression which enrich our lived experiences in the tangible spaces we inhabit.

Last week I went to an online workshop which perfectly exemplified the value of the internet in this way. As part of a series called ‘Building Our Power’, the ‘Economics for Beginners’ workshop I attended via Zoom brought together around 100 participants to hear Sarah Arnold, an analyst from the New Economics Foundation. Sarah presented ideas about the role of the economy, policy tools, and ways in which the government could respond to Covid-19 in a way which would promote a more equitable and healthy society (rather than resort to austerity, which is not good economic policy).

The session was much more than just a presentation though, as the online platform and skilled facilitators allowed for a rich and varied discussion, with questions from the participants for Sarah and opportunities to discuss the topic in detail in future groups. It struck me that in this instance, this digital format was probably even more effective than a real-life scenario would be at disseminating technical information and developing ideas in an engaging and inclusive way.

With our new footage of the van and the on-tap resource of the internet, we also released the van tour video this week.

It was a great feeling to finally bring together footage from as far back as May 2019 right through to the clips we’d shot in Catalonia this fortnight into a complete video. George did a cracking job with the edit, and I helped out making graphics like the intro scene. When it was finally done and dusted, watching it back felt like the end of our van-building chapter and in some ways the start of our adventure (even though we’ve already been ‘on the road’ for more than three months). To finally share it online has been a pleasure.

The comments that we’ve had back about this video have been positive and constructive. Along with the interest we get about The Hundred Miler, the feedback loop of making and creating leaves me determined not to lose faith in the power of creativity and the power of people. Sure, lockdown continues to be confusing and exhausting, but if we can use the internet and acts of mutual aid to compliment the glimmer of freedom we’re starting to experience in the physical world, we can stay connected.

And that connection - to each other, to our thoughts, and to nature is what gives me meaning more than any grand travels or planned-out futures.