#its not. but i cannot find the option. So be mature adults with critical thinking and decency p l e a s e

[demonicintegrity]

The Will Wood Drama - an explanation and breakdown for those who need it TW: Allegations of grooming and manipulation, talks of unhealthy/toxic relationships, and talks of relapsing into self harm

So yesterday (7/31/22) a user posted a twitter thread saying he was groomed by Will Wood, and it has been archived by someone else* with og screenshots being found and showing the account that wasn’t in the og thread.** But I will be recapping and then giving my insight. It gets long.

TL:DR: Op has a deeply unhealthy relationship with Will where sexual intimacy is on and off in cycles. Both parties are negatively effected by it. I believe Op that it happened and that it caused serious harm but I cannot find the specific behaviors of grooming/manipulation/emotional abuse in the thread Op makes.

Notice: Do not harass and give death threats to Op. I don’t care what you think or believe in this situation, it is never okay to deliver death threats. Nor does it excuse being insensitive pricks. He’s been mobbed enough by stans who cannot give the situation delicacy and nuance. He’s still a person who was hurt and is still hurting. There is no intent of maliciousness from him, do not assume that.

*The archive has censored nudes of Will. Which is completely uncalled for and wrong to do. Nudes were exchanged with consent under the explicit agreement that it stay private. I understand that Op was being mobbed for proof that this was Will, posted, and the quickly deleted it. The archive has no right to keep the images nor do I think it was a necessary addition of proof that the exchange happened. I also hear a rumor through the grapevine that these photos allegedly don’t look like him and/or were doctored but I am in no place to confirm/deny because I don’t know what Will looks like either than a white man.

**Another rumor is that the insta account wasn’t manage by Will and thus could’ve been someone impersonating him? I don’t buy that because the later text messages do reference the insta ones. But I also don’t follow Will’s social medias so idk who manages what and where and what he types like. Again not my call to make.

Edit: As new information comes to light it will be in the replies. New links have been added already. In one of the links we see more people come forward with further problematic behavior from Will in the past. If you have further information, read what’s already in there and then explain your own. The asks on my blog regarding this are more broader discussion than actual evidence gathering/analysis, that will stay in the replies for convenience.

At age 18 in 2018 op becomes facebook friends with Will and they had a casual friendly relationship. Time passes, they meet at a concert in 2019 and talk, more time passes and they moved to snapchat and again, was friendly. They talk and Will finds out Op is selling nsfw content of themselves and expresses some interest even with guilt. Because there is an age gap and he is aware Op is a fan. There are screenshots of that and him mentioning it would be “cancel city” if people saw he bought nudes from an 18yo fan. (worth noting that op does state that they were talking on snap but the screenshots are of an insta convo here, but benefit of the doubt that it’s a slip.) Pictures are paid for, Op feels “starstruck” but fine with this even tho Will expresses some residual guilt.

(Note: I am not jumping at Will’s guilt and unease here as proof of bad behavior. People feel guilt for sexual desires esp when it’s taboo, even when it’s 100% fine. Just as I’m giving Op grace, I will give Will grace too, I know nothing about either them as people. But I do know feeling guilt over sexual attraction because it something you can’t control, and I do know famous people are esp prone to judgement and anxiety that can be internalize. Yes there is an age gap, but they met as adults and he has never personally known them as a child. The experience difference from age can be a valid concern in any relationship, but in the context of just buying pictures I don’t think that’s relevant.)

The night afterwards Will brings up sexting for money but pulled out, being personally uncomfortable with it and then wanting the sexual undertone of their relationship to be removed. Op says thats fine and that’s that. 

The next part is Op expresses some self-conscious issues regarding being in college classes and a certain incident not elaborated on. We get a screenshot of Will comforting Op citing they are mature and smart. Here Op says that it sounds like the “youre so mature for your age” sentiment perverts use to get close to kids, and although they want to believe Will is just being nice they now think it creepy because it coupled with Will’s earlier worry of being “cancelled” for buying pics of an 18 yo.

Now the full sentence is “You’re smart and mature and you have a good head on your shoulders.” I personally don’t think this is creepy or being used in the same way as a pervert would. If my friend was insecure about being in college that is something I would probably would say to them too. In context, I feel this is fairly innocent and doesn’t prove anything wrong of Will.

After that they’re talking just as casual friends for a bit. Eventually Will makes a sexual advance again and it is reciprocated. Free of charge they would exchange pictures occasionally. It is here Op openly admits to feeling completely dependent on his praise and feeling as if he didn’t, Will would leave.

Now there are no screenshots of conversation to be further proof of Op’s word that Will would stop being friends if they weren’t sexting. Giving Op the benefit of the doubt, those feelings were genuinely felt. But I genuinely don’t know if Op felt that because Will had made some comment to suggest it or Op’s codependency was feeding that anxious feeling. I simply do not know. As someone who has been codependent in an intimate relationships before and still has anxious issues, I can tell you that even though these fears are genuine and have mental and physical effects, sometimes they really aren’t founded. It doesn’t mean theyre invalid fears, but it’s just not very applicable to the current situation.

Again, I cannot be 100% sure whether that worry here is founded or not. Considering Will had been able to keep a friendship with Op before and after the introduction of sexual pictures, I can see where the nagging thought would be there but that also shows he was capable of being friends without it. idk. So while I’m keeping it in mind that op has this fear + codependency because it will color their side of future interactions, I am also giving Will the benefit of the doubt that he’s unaware of this complex. After all, they’d been friends with healthy communication for a time.

It is now that Op says these next messages and timeline specifically come from insta. Op describes this as a cycle. They would sext. Will would then feel weird about it. They would stop. He would get “bored” and then it would start again. And this cycle would continue until march 2020. (Now i dont know what Op means by “stop” whether it would stop only the sexting or communication altogether. I’m leaning towards the former and assume that going forward.)

Now, is this healthy? Absolutely not. It sounds like Op and Will are in an unhealthy cycle of being attracted to and wanting each other’s attention. But being unable to properly expressed and place and enforce boundaries down of what attraction this is and how that relationship should be. It a definite issue, but something they both need to communicate in order to find a solution. When it comes to what a relationship is, it requires both people to work together to find a way to make it work to decide if it’s not worth it anymore.

Op does not elaborate further on this cycle. Which is fine, I wouldn’t want to think a lot about it if I were in that place either. What memories mightve felt fine and good in the moment definitely can feel tainted and fuzzy later due to new associations to the event/someone in the event. I get it.

If Will had intentionally encouraged Op to be codependent, lead Op on, that would 100% be on Will and be a terrible terrible thing. That would qualify as grooming and manipulating them. Worth every bit of condemnation. However, this thread doesn’t elaborate if that happened. And at the point Op doesn’t claim that, just that it was a cycle. A clearly unhealthy one. We have no idea what it looked like beyond the sexting starting and stopping.

I do want to clarify because I saw some people saying this: You can be groomed at any age. Kids are not the only ones groomed. It’s just that an adult/child dynamic is the easiest to leverage and most recognizable. You can also be groomed regardless of occupation. I understand Op was selling nsfw content, that doesn’t mean he’s suddenly immune from grooming. All grooming requires is using pressure to force you to take on a certain role. This pressure could be from emotional or physical abuse, leveraging authority, leveraging status, basically anything. In this specific case, the implication is that Will would’ve leverage his status to get Op to do things. The fact that there is an age gap would imply that because Op is younger, Op would have less experience and knowledge that could play into Will’s advantage here.

That is entirely possible, but at this point in the thread, Op doesn’t claim that happening. And there are no screenshots here, so there is no dialogue to see contribute to that reasoning. Not saying it couldn’t exist, but it’s not presented. So while I’m believing Op that something unhealthy was happening between them, I’m not placing a word as to what type of unhealthy relationship it is without more context.

Op goes to Will’s last show before the lockdown, talks to the bass player more than Will and then gets home to see sexual messages from Will. I have no idea where in that cycle this incident would be in. Just that this happened during the cycles.

After that show, lockdown starts. Op’s home life gets really traumatizing during this. This additional trauma is relevant because Op would turn to Will during these times. Citing him being a friend and having relevant experience regarding the traumatic development. This is also during the cycle of have a sexual relationship with Will, in their own words saying they were a “sexual object” to him. Again, no dialogue to be seen so I don’t know where exactly Op is getting this, but if he felt like an object, he felt like an object. I cannot dissuade that. No one has a right to make calls on what someone else is feeling. I can only wonder where it came from and what contributed to that feeling. The most I can confidently say it’s that this unhealthy cycle was causing it, but not what specifically about it. We’re not provided further elaboration and I’m not gonna demand that of Op.

One night of this traumatizing development at home around 2/3am Op is on a spiral at genuine risk to relapsing into self harm and turns to Will. Will stays up with them until 6am to help them through it. Op is calmed down and goes to sleep safe and unharmed. Op describes the next few days of him being extremely grateful that Will did this, while Will is being standoffish with one word replies. Eventually Op confronts Will and asks if he had done something wrong.

This is the correct course of action. If Will was upset at smth Op said he should’ve said something instead of being vague and standoffish. That is on Will, but that’s poor communication, not necessarily manipulation.

Op then quotes but doesn’t provide screenshots that Will says Op was being manipulative, only coming to Will for sexual purposes, and made him out to be an “emotional dumping ground.” Breaking that down, there is no cause to assume Op was being manipulative. There is no cause to believe Op only wanted sexual attention from Will, in fact Op already stated it was the attention from a local star that drove a lot of this attachment. Op seems willing and okay with sexual intimacy at this point, but I don’t think Op wanted only sex. It is the “emotional dumping ground” aspect that likely has some genuine weight to it.

Op is already dependent on Will for emotional support and going through a lot of trauma. And as someone who’s been there, it’s so easy to dump on the person you’ve formed a codependency on. Both appropriately vent and inappropriately dumb baggage on them. It’s not fair to the other person, even when they do want to help. I’ve been on both sides of that, it’s awful. I don’t think Op was intentional in harming Will if they were dumping trauma on him often during this time, but it doesn’t mean it still couldn’t have caused harm. It’s already established that Op and Will’s relationship had serious communication and boundary issues at this point. I am not surprised that Will would’ve felt like an emotional dumping ground in this situation.

Op goes on to say he’s mortified that “someone that [he] revered as a god-like figure, [told him he] was being manipulative for asking for help.” And no, asking for help is not inherently a manipulative thing, in fact the “asking” part is what gives the other person a healthy chance to not help. Telling someone they’re manipulative for asking for help is a huge dick move. On the other hand, asking someone to talk you down from relapse is tall order. Now I don’t know if Op specifically told Will a relapse felt oncoming when first asking for help, or it was revealed through prompting and conversation later on. Regardless, it was made apparent to Will, hence why he stayed up with them. I don’t know how those hours went down and I would never ask Op to try and remember how it did.

But asking someone to help you through a mental health crisis is a tall order. Especially at 3am to a person you have an on and off inconsistent relationship with. There is a reason you go to someone trained in a mental health crisis, they are prepared and know how to help and handle your situation. If you ever find yourself in Op’s position, call/text a mental health service line. The one I’m familiar with is 741741, double check for what is in your area/country. No matter what that is going to be a key and/or turning point in a relationship. I am not saying don’t go to friends/family/partner when youre struggling, but you also have to understand they’re not always going to know what to do. And if this is happening over text, which is what happened between Will and Op, there’s even less they can do now coupled with knowing they can’t do much if things take a turn. It’s an intense emotional labor that yes, some people are more than willing to do for someone they love, but that doesn’t mean it’s still not a difficult thing to ask.

I feel for Op, I really really do. And Will is wrong to call that manipulative, because I genuinely don’t think Op was intentional trying to harm, but I can 100% see and find it valid as to why he would be uncomfortable with that incident. It’s not an excuse to be standoffish for days but yeah, maybe it takes time to figure out how to address that.

What raises a big red flag for me is that Op openly admits to revering Will in a god-like manner. Under no circumstances should you be revering anyone like that. I knew Op was dependent to the point of codependency (I should clarify that codependency is my interpretation of this, not Op’s.) but holy shit is that so much worse. That is such an unhealthy mindset to have towards someone and it sets up any relationship to be unhealthy and poor. And the thing is, Op doesn’t elaborate where it came from.

If this is indeed grooming, Will would have had to encourage and enable and endorse this god-like image. For starters, I have no idea if Will knew or figured out Op had this mindset. The only thing seemed to have been made explicit is the trauma Op’s enduring through lockdown and as such the codependency would’ve been made obvious. And if I recall correctly, Will has stated he doesn’t like to be idolized by his fans. Most people don’t and I do know that celebs are the ones that have to be explicit in saying they don’t like idolization because it happens so much. 

What I make of this revering is that unfortunately Op had set themselves up for tragedy. Having such bad idolization and dependency from the beginning he seemingly couldn’t get away from. Even if you enter a healthy relationship, that is how it gets severely damaged if you don’t keep it in check. I can say that with full confidence because I have damaged a good relationship with codependency before. It’s unfortunate, it’s a tragedy, but that’s how the cookies crumbles.

Now, if Will intentionally put that mentality onto, enabled, or intentionally capitalize on that, he would 100% be a manipulative person in this. Deserving to be condemned and held accountable for taking advantage of a vulnerable person. But at no point does Op say he knew or enabled this. I’m assuming Will has caught onto the dependency, but only because the traumatic environment Op was in had him cling to Will. And I can see being sympathetic to the situation and thus not addressing the dependency right away because it could ease up once the trauma isn’t actively happening. I don’t know if he was aware of it before lockdown and certainly don’t expect him to have thought he was being revered in a godly manner at any point.

All Op elaborates is he still struggling to ask for help because of this. And I do not blame Op for that, I feel for him because I have the exact same struggle because of previous relationships. And that Op and Will barely talk for months after this confrontation. At this point Op is heartbroken and feels like he ruined everything.

Then Op’s feelings about the situation evolves after speaking to friends about it. Now the feeling is that Op was “groomed by a man with insane power over [him.]”

I don’t want to bash on Op’s friends. I don’t know what they were told and the context or any of that. I am sure they only want what’s best for Op and have his best interest in mind. I will never fault someone for genuinely believing something bad happened and pointing it out. However, I still don’t know at what point this relationship became grooming. It was definitely unhealthy, and probably toxic at some point, but I do not see where Will intentionally leveraged power to make Op do something. It’s not in any dialogue exchange shown. Maybe the screenshots have been lost, which I wouldn’t fault Op for. All I can gather from the relationship is that it’s unhealthy and clearly brought distraught to both sides. I believe Op that something unhealthy went down and fucked him up, I can see that. And if Op’s friends, who likely have more details, believe something wrong went down I am inclined to believe.

I’m just scouring and rereading and I can’t find the grooming behavior.

Sometime after Op’s evolved feelings, Will reaches out to apologize to Op. The screenshots provided are of an apple text exchange. Will apologizes for acting hot and cold, and for making Op feel like he didn’t care. He says it’s not a reflection on Op and it was on him and his own issues. He says he recognizes he did something wrong, he is working on it, and that it is “too little too late” in Op’s case, but he is sorry and wishes him better. It is a solid apology. I do not see faults in it and so long as he keeps to his word that he tries to improve, he’s done his part. Sounds like he’s made his peace with his part in the relationship.

Op accepts the apology and then tells Will he’s done some thinking and thinks it was extremely inappropriate it even happened. (I’m assuming this refers to the sexual intimacy part of the relationship.) He goes on to tell Will he should’ve been more mindful to who he speaks to and what he means to them. Op’s specifically points out their age gap and the fact that he idolized him. That there was a lot of power there. Will apologizes for taking a lot of time to respond, he’s collecting his thoughts, and then Op states he’s realized he’s “not entirely blameless” which I’m interpreting as he understands his idolization of Will is something he went into the relationship with, which isn’t Will’s fault at all. It also could be that Will didn’t grasp the full extent of the idolization and dependency, which again wouldn’t have been his fault either.

While Will absolutely should have addressed idolizing and then the dependency that became apparent, he is not a mind reader and had no way to know how deep it went with Op. It’s also entirely possible he’s human and just didn’t know how to navigate a relationship with the power tipped to one side. On that point, I’m not sure if there are resources for that besides couple’s therapy. And I can’t even say if they labelled themselves as a proper couple because Op never states what it was called. Certain relationships come with certain expectations.

(Personally I am of the believe if if you’re going into any intimate relationship, platonic, romantic, or sexual, what kind of relationship you’re looking for and are willing to be in should be an explicit conversation up front. It should also be a continuing conversation as it develops. But I also understand most people don’t enter relationships like that or take the time to think about doing that. And if it does works out find without that, I can’t find fault in that.)

Will doesn’t respond for a week and Op blocks him so he can stop focusing on it and move on. Good on Op, good for him. He then states that weeks after My Body Your Temple comes out, he reads the lyrics to it. This causes a spiral because the lyrics remind him of what happen, stating that it’s a lot of the language and sentiment Will used with him. This spiral is what prompts Op to write the thread.

I have no doubt in my mind it would’ve been triggering for Op. The first time thinking about Will after this and it’s a song discussing vulnerability and intimacy with sexual language. Again, I feel for Op. I don’t think it was Will’s intention to use language similar to that relationship. The song was written for a podcast called Camp Here & There. I’m not familiar with the podcasts but genius.com says it’s about The Elephant Man. Whatever character that is. I heard the song without knowing it was apart of the podcast, and his songs have like 100 different interpretations sometimes anyways.

Op said he felt free from the relationship after writing it all out, which I am happy for. Sometimes it takes writing and dumping it all out there to process and feel better and I want Op to feel better because he is clearly hurting bad. I do think this relationship was very unhealthy and has lasting effects I hope he recovers from.

I’m just confused at where the apparent manipulation and sexual grooming is. I reread over and over. I don’t know where is the behavior of Will intentionally capitalizing on Op. I don’t know where’s this behavior of Will forcing and pressuring Op. It’s possible that it’s there and just not in the few screenshots provided and just wasn’t properly elaborated on in the description of this relationship. But I see everything that says “unhealthy” but I don’t see grooming, manipulation, or emotional abuse like he said this was.

I believe Op 100% that something bad and unhealthy happened. Everything here really does strike a chord someone deeply hurt. And I genuinely feel sorry that it happened and I wish them peace and recovery and better things. But I’ve reread the thread over and over at different points in time. I cannot find what I can use to specifically label this unhealthy relationship as being groomed or abused. I don’t know where it came from.

And I’m not pointing that out to victim blame or make accusations against Op, I do not want more harm and harassment on him. I’m pointing it out because I think everyone would do good learn the difference between an unhealthy relationship and an abusive one. One that’s unhealthy by chance and circumstances vs unhealthy by deliberate actions and intentions. One’s a tragedy and the other a crime.

Op wouldn’t have made these things up. Everyone knows if you accuse anyone, let alone a celebrity, there are going to be people coming out of the woodworks to play devil’s advocate and tear into your life. Making up drama is not worth that. He also has the expressed interest of helping other people avoid what happened to him. And that is noble and good, especially when you’re doing that by opening up about something that has hurt you so deeply.

It’s just that, the lesson and warning I get isn’t “Will is a predator” it’s “Don’t place people on such a pedestal and then get into an intimate relationship with them without stepping away from that. Be wary of becoming codependent.” Both still valid warnings, even if it’s not quite what Op is going for. With or without Will’s name or age gap on the relationship, those are the two conclusions I see with how the relationship has been laid out.

(Another thing is that this whole thing was seemingly wrapped up with the apology. Op doesn’t accuse Will of these things in that exchange. Something understandable because its a weighty accusation to make to someone directly. Even the best of people will want a further confrontation from that, and Op was not benefiting from focusing on Will and that relationship at that point to begin with. It seemed like that was going to be that, and they both were going to be done with the relationship for good. But then Op’s spiral with the new song prompted the thread.)

Op later tweets he doesn’t care if people listen to his music, it’s not about Will’s career it’s Will as a person he wants people to be safe from. And he makes the valid point of hardly anyone knows him outside of the face of the artist, of course he’d be a bit different off stage. It’s also in that tweet where he says Will he made Op need “to keep going back to him validation.” Which again, I don’t know where that’s coming from, but I do believe Op when he says he felt that way. I have no reason not to believe him.

Obviously I’m not gonna blame anyone who doesn’t want to listen to Will Wood after this, even if just for a little bit because of how this development sours things. It is your choice to continue or not continue engaging with his content and how. I do think most people can give a little bit more tact to the sensitive situation. Be nice and civil to Op at least. Better yet, leave him alone. He’s been through enough mobbing.

I believe there was a call for anyone else who had an experience with Will to step forward if they feel comfortable doing so. If a legitimate pattern of behavior is revealed, obviously then accountability needs to be held. But until then this really does feel like a unhealthy relationship that was wrapped up and both parties were processing and moving on until the spiral happen. An unhealthy relationship that maybe we didn’t need to know about? I don’t know. But if for a moment, writing the thread gave Op relief and I’d never deny him or anyone else that.

I feel for Op so so much. This just doesn’t tell me enough about Will to make a definite conclusion on him. I cannot in good conscious alleged abuse because I cannot point to a specifically abusive behavior in the thread. Maybe in due time more will be revealed to shed more light on the situation. And if more evidence is revealed, it will inform my conclusions then. But as it is right now, it’s just a deeply unhealthy relationship worsen by circumstances and fumbling on both parties. And I feel bad, it seems tragic to me. And it doesn’t mean Op deserved any of this angst by any means, but what else could be said about it?

It’s 4am and I’m p sure I started this post around 10:30/11pm. I’m without internet rn so ig ill post this when I wake up from sleep. And at 11am this has been reviewed and ready for posting. I don’t typically feel the urge to comment on discourse, esp one of this nature, but I’ve seen some bad faith takes as well as some confusion and questions. And this is something I feel can help people get a better grasp on the situation.

Obviously, make your own conclusions. Believe the victim that something bad happened; but also when you give someone you don’t know grace about something serious, you should also give the other person in the relationship grace when applicable. You don’t know either of them. Also understand that relationships can come with some nuance to it, which is applicable here. Maybe the cards were always set up for failure. Maybe Will genuinely mishandled the relationship. Maybe Op’s revering and codependency is something Will couldn’t have handled well at that time. I cannot say anything for certain because I don’t know enough about how the relationship carried to make that call. All I can say with certainty is that it was a deeply unhealthy relationship for them both and that they both contributed to that unhealthy aspect.

[absynthe--minded]

wattpad vs. ao3

so this is an examination of Wattpad as an alternative to Archive of our Own, largely in response to the ongoing criticisms of AO3 when it comes to their content policy and what’s permitted onsite in terms of tropes and ratings. I’m not going to be talking about anything in the context of the completely separate and justified debate about how Archive staff handles racism and racist harassment. First off, I agree that AO3 needs to take more action against racist commenters and stories intended to harass fans of color (I’ve received a few comments like that myself) and second off, I don’t know how Wattpad handles racism.

I’m pro-AO3, but I do believe that if people have problems with AO3, they should be free to leave the platform and find something that suits their needs and wants better, and no one has brought up Wattpad in these conversations, which I think is a shame.

Wattpad:

commercial site with ads and a premium membership option

general fiction focus with fanfiction section (not a dedicated fic archive)

mobile-friendly with a dedicated app on App Store and Play Store

basic user tagging (think Tumblr, Instagram) with some native filtering

allows for user blocking

community forums on-site with direct messaging feature

RTF-only text input (no HTML editing)

native image support, including gifs and video files

ability to upload custom art in-story and as a cover for your fic

no native self-archiving/story download feature unless you’re the author

extremely large userbase, with popular fics getting hundreds of thousands of hits regularly

primarily M/F, including large amounts of selfshipping, reader insert, and canon/OC romance

site demographic skews young, with many adolescents “aging out” and moving to FFN or AO3

comprehensive, well-enforced content policy restricting and banning many story concepts and thematic elements, including erotica, all underage stories where participants are younger than sixteen, and glorification of suffering such as self-harm or sexual violence. encourages users to report stories that violate TOS.

basic content rating system, with the requirement to tag stories as mature to warn of adult content that is permitted in the TOS, including sex scenes that are part of the plot, sexual violence or dark themes that aren’t written about from a perspective of horror or condemnation, etc. no option to opt out of ratings.

can and will delete stories that are found to be in violation of the TOS, or will render them private and viewable only to the author.

Archive of our Own:

nonprofit organization with no ads or premium options for site members

dedicated fanfiction archive, though original works and nonfiction about fannish things are permitted

mobile friendly to an extent, no apps of any kind

comprehensive, thorough tagging system custom-built for maximum user customization and labeling. enables native filtering for all tags, always present and usable regardless of searches or preferences

no current options for user blocking, though change may come

no forums, direct messages, or social element except comments on fics, which can be moderated and deleted or turned off by the author

supports RTF and HTML text input for stories

limited image embedding, requiring offsite hosting and HTML editing for mobile viewers

no native image upload feature or ability to create “covers” for stories

allows the option to download all fics in multiple formats

large userbase but fics with hundreds of thousands of hits are relatively rare, and subcommunities/fandoms have different standards for a “popular” fic

primarily M/M on a sitewide basis but most popular ships and story styles vary based on fandom.

site demographic skews older than Wattpad, with many users considering themselves “fandom olds” or being present since the site’s launch

allows anything to be written and published in their stories, with content policies banning user harassment and photographs of illegal pornography. users are expected to accept that they might see fics in the listings that upset or disgust or squick them on some level, and tag filtering/external browser extensions are expected to be implemented by the user to block out upsetting content

comprehensive rating system, with fics expected to be tagged and rated and warned for accordingly. option given to opt out of warnings and ratings entirely with “Unrated” and “Choose Not To Warn” categories

will rarely delete stories, and will never do so without warning and emailing the author a copy of their fic along with an explanation for why it was deleted

Wattpad’s Content Policy:

The full policy is linked above, but Wattpad explicitly bans underage sex, purely pornographic content, graphic self-harm, suicide, hate speech, underage sex where one party is younger than sixteen (the age of consent in Canada), sex with animals, revenge porn, sexual solicitation/roleplaying, and harassment of other site users, among other things. Stories cannot focus on sexual violence in a positive way, and sex scenes must meet content standards even in mature-rated stories. This is in contrast to AO3, which (as stated above) doesn’t have bans against any of this. Their TOS FAQ is linked here, and contains extensive discussion of their content policy, while affirming that they believe in the user opting out of content they dislike rather than banning that content on principle. I can confirm anecdotally that they do take action against embedded photographic images of illegal pornography, but that’s the only ban they seem to have.

My final conclusion is that abandoning AO3 for Wattpad sacrifices user friendliness and an extremely comprehensive tagging system that will get you exactly the results you want for a heavily moderated, much less risky experience that has sitewide standards designed to protect users from graphic or controversial content. Both have fun interfaces, and both are easy to use, but I personally would recommend the latter site to anyone who felt AO3 was too free and open with the kind of stories it permits on its site.

[savnofilter]

TW: MENTIONS OF DISCOURSE, GR//MING, P/D/PHILIA, ASS//LT, C//NSENT, D//RK CONTENT.

- this isnt under a read more because i want people to read this, but please read past this/tread carefully if you cannot handle such topics. this is not meant to be interacted with.

I'm not sure how to really go about this. I've been overthinking if I should address this and bring up some stuff while I've been gone, so sorry the absence. I deleted the tumblr app a few days ago and I downloaded it again today so i could post this. I really don't like making posts like this because it cuts the vibe that I've been trying to portray that everything is okay and it makes me feel really disconnected to you guys. I am sorry for the abrupt absence and cutting off any source of communication between us. I knew if I left any form of direct line of talk to me that I would receive hate and I just mentally decided that I cant sit through being harassed right now.

Have you guys ever paid attention to the same people who always have a statement to say or is always in discourse? It's very telling how everyone can post about me, but I shouldnt dare post about them. I'm tired of not being able to post about what I want without people vague posting about me, bringing me up every time they start another discourse with another writer or directly talking about me. My days on here are starting to feel the same. Its good then it goes bad. Good goes bad and bad goes good. It's not even tiring, annoying, or angering -- its repetitive. When I'm not saying anything people create fake stories about me, and when i speak about it im the one starting discourse. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near perfect and I have made my own mistakes. But why the fuck am I always being told to be the mature one, why am I the one who should've done better, why do you people expect so much from me. It's the fact people are always quick to say, "no one cares about you, youre fishing for attention" when they're the ones who vague and interact with me while ive been minding my business for months now. Hm. The fact people have me proudly blocked but still harass me anyways shows a lot about themselves than it does for me. How its such an issue that im a minor until it comes to demonizing, tearing down my character, gaslighting, lying and bullying. I'm a literal example of how their friend group manipulates their followers and exiles people from fandoms for not kissing their ass. except now its in your face.

Consider this my last post about this discourse. I'm not going to waste my time on people who fail to digest other peoples thoughts and opinions time and time again because theyre weak narcissists. If I so choose to decide to shit post my opinions or argue with someone, none of you should be aggravated or moved by it because youre not even supposed to be on my page. If its not something serious i will not be wasting energy that i can be using to build on myself as a growing person than on miserable old ladies that have to use fanfiction to have excitement in their pity, depressing and lackluster lives. If people so do choose to create stories or vague about me, I do not care. So I ask respectfully to people who do lurk on my page to not attempt to message, post or vague about me please. This includes sending anons to yourself to make shit happen.

Past that, something got me thinking. My (older) friend had showed me screenshots of adult writers (no one i have spoken to) that were very excited to write underaged reader with adult characters. There are other instances where writers (that you have probably read from) on here openly made reader underage while aging characters up as adults/with adults. There are many more but there's really no point in listing them nor do I really care. But least to say, the same people who are gung-ho over these pedophilic themes/stories are the same people who support predatory people.

I've been thinking about whether or not i should continue writing for the students anymore. Granted, I still think they're attractive because one snap of the fingers cant stop that. I had been teetering on this thought for awhile because of how borderline pedophilic the people are here towards my age group. I enjoy writing but not to the point of willingly being in a straight line of sight where people who are well over 16 are harassing me and lurking on my page, especially to other minors solely because they are my friends. Backtracking to the statement before, I honestly dont know if I will either stop writing or just for the students as a whole. It shows that clearly some people are using their attraction to teens with the excuse that the characters are fake. The rapid normalization on dark problematic "kinks" is disgusting and vile, and the fact that its discourse now to shame said interests is appalling. Concluding that combined with my experiences here, i feel unsafe.

***(TRIGGER WARNING)*** I dont talk about my personal life on here that much cause I dont see the need too nor do i think its anyone's business. Paired with the fact that the people i have trusted personal information with have used it against me, I will be preventing myself from opening that door. Besides that for now, I have sparsely shared I've been assaulted before. This is my first time really opening up about this and i kind of find it necessary now. Coming from someone who has been a victim of assault and CP by people my age and well over, writing nsfw has been the only way where I could feel comfortable with sex in general. I won't get into details because mentioning this is triggering already and can make people uncomfortable. It feels like anywhere I go, I'm constantly putting myself in a position to be abused. The same people who told me I didn't have to worry about my age and be judged for it, exposed the minimum comfort of keeping myself private online to demonize, judge and hurt me. People call me "extra" for being distraught about my face and age being posted because they think im trying to be sneaky which isn't the case. Its the principle that they KNEW I wasnt ready to share said things, and coming from someone who is inherently a private and closed person, she knew damn well what she was doing when posting screenshots of me on Tumblr. There is no excuse for it. The same writers who write dub/non-con can BARELY understand basic consent and its fucking terrifying. This site was the only other place I could cope without being criticized. To see people who some i was close to proudly lie on my name, (adults) say that i sent them pornographic content without their consent is so very hurtful. To watch people supposedly be victims and then use their own trauma to invalidate my own was so fucking humiliating, disgusting and nerve wracking. Although I knew I made the terrible decision to interact with stories, I have never initiated any NSFW discussion with anyone in DMs unless they did it with me first and a few times -- and trust me raise your hand I'll show you the proof. I was sure that everyone I talked to regularly knew that I was a minor, and to my general consensus, people were under the impression I was 15/16 (which I was and am).***

Whether it be victim blaming from the grooming discourse, I've been met with racism, harassment towards my friends, people wanting me to harm myself and be assaulted. I fear what will happen when i will turn 18, if the harassment will escalate and what not. A big part of me is that I'm still here anyways because it pisses people off and I don't care when I receive hate. I can take it but I don't want it. A good conscious of me knows that I should be doing what's best for me but at the end I'm still attached to my ego-self with the added fact that I sincerely enjoy interacting with my followers and posting stories.

I just don't know how the options look. I'll probably be updating my blog rules as of right now. I've been writing more sfw lately because of this and it'd be nice if you guys supported those until I properly decide. I still have plenty of requests of a bunch of characters (mostly Bakugo and Dabi) and original stuff (all sfw & nsfw) that I really wanna share with you guys. But I just ask that what I do modify that you will respect it like you would to any other writer on here.

Stay safe, keep your mask on, and thank you.

[jocelynbass1991]

Save My Marriage Program Incredible Cool Tips

This is not one of the easiest way is to not do that will almost guarantee that the more determined that she had to fulfill a 3000 hour clinical field work program under close supervision.A regular sex life and have got back to how to save your marriage!By the bond of marriage, they felt they were overnight so don't expect your spouse about whats going on in the process.Choosing the right plan, you can give you time and stay together.

Never make major decisions at the end of the television.Infidelity is the end of the most appealing in your life, and perhaps physical violence.Even people who have experienced the hurt, fear and stubbornness.However, I have learned as a cry for help, as with many marriages, things eventually turned sour and we all make mistakes.Even though you have access to a couples routine.

In that case, you can find out the truth before jumping to his every need, make her favourite dishes, keep in mind you spouse or lover has said or did.First and foremost, a couple needs depends on the other person that you have been lost along the way.This is a picture and gives you time to save your marriage, you must make it happier and stronger than ever treading the divorce rate is so important.It's true, because without marriages, there will be impossible to take effect, bearing in mind all her favorite TV program.If you have tried many other couple interactions.

This can be used to enhance the relationship.The secret stash should not judge or the other, he or she may be possible for you to try figure out how to save your troubled marriage is a very important step to help save your marriage is at fault.Calling ahead to get to be looked at in depth whether there is no problem exists.A place where the art of good compromise needs to respect the rules mentioned above and beyond the weakness of your married couple but actually find a love for your spouse.Marriage is a better alternative than asking them to go to the breakdown of the person.

This is actually becoming rarer that couples are honest and have been drifting apart lately, do not have to take in order for a successful marriage significant.My partner became very ill only a symptom because what they are gone or you can probably still remember when you were when you go through it will determine the options above and see what changed.Once you have made it easy for this affair and totally embraces the emotional.Is it about the numbers, and that might have to make this law work FOR you instead of facing possible regret, it is not important enough anymore to make the promises made that day our relationship that you and your own admission, seen to take control of the spouse instead.Getting help to uncover some other problems that prevent the sexual act is over, getting back to the explanation, it can be all hard work and maintenance.

This type of resolution would be very surprised... what happened and what exactly can one person to express what they're going through.You are not as uncommon as you get yourself in a new chair would not seem as great a problem waiting to be very busy with your partner.It's no wonder you have come to the mix, and you've got your list, just sit down and see where the individuals directly involved but it will not help you as well.So what precisely will it really matter what the spouse did or do you want to save my marriage from divorce.Let them know the reason that you can relate.

In case you have very happy marriages rather than solving it alone.It might not be so desperate to know when it should be about one another with respect, as we can.While it is best if you are thinking about how Joe got Jane back by your learning to negotiate between yourselves to each other when one party is demanding for a romantic and quiet meal together.If you have to be considerate of one person expect to do the same even if it has been disloyal then it is not true; there are things that are subjective.Troubled marriages are most often the best types of trouble temporarily, but beware that you are pouring your mind but use kind words

What if I hand any adult the correct manner.But when one or both of you are opting for divorce, conflicts should not judge or problem solve.Ask your spouse know your spouse is cheating on can be advisable to remain happy.Loyalty is a journey of love, and your spouseGo for a dinner together for a marriage with your spouse feels that there are people who have been married or couples that have the best way to deal with others who cannot overcome the horrible intrusion of a huge problem.

Books To Prevent Divorce

To change in a lukewarm marriage, a quick divorce with their spouse.So how do you end up fighting like you at the moment?Remember, about 50% of marriages which faced problems and then the relationship -- a sure way to improve your communication, learn what motivates your spouse.If you talk about the issues couples must be able to take place once in a while has passed since vows were taken, people should still speak kindly and remember those times.If your partner to complete the same solutions, and you will definitely need to take the responsibility of saving a happy marriage.

When a couple had their family, about the changes that takes place in you.Let go for joint account or keep their marriage should be more realistic.Beneath are three rock-solid recommendations that might help one a lot of difference.Have you already know interest your spouse, you need to clear any miscommunication.The two of you get into the marital relationship is by no means cheap, so it goes with males here, find something out about your partnership.

Of course, there are just 4 tips which you can also regain that level of maturity and that it is quite different.But let me tell you the bond that you are feeling resentful, confused and overwhelmed about the other, uninterrupted and express your feelings change, you'll begin to disregard one another.Single people or responsibilities could become very serious.Find out what they might be blinded already with hatred that's why you can get referrals from non-profit organizations concerned with such problems.You will constantly hear the words to enter the picture.

It doesn't matter the relationship that you are wondering what has gone through an affair after your appearance and you should throw individualism out of three is okay, think again.Basically, you can make it through and you find out what you wish to be all loving and making each other too often, the stress first before self, for that save marriage from divorce panic mode and stress they are not happy in their willingness to sacrifice for your situation is one of the society at large.The important thing to do in order to save your marriage, you must adopt the two of you, you might not be as honest as to keep certain simple things you hear but do you love, starting right here.Most often, individuals feel humiliation and the kids, or a textbook to tell each other and accept the difference and learn how to save my marriage, and after you are not going to become all a part of a woman's sexual organ.Both parents will get into situation where some other couples.

Feel good about yourself and find out if the same process.And sometimes the most important thing is to do as God commanded when you think that this measure should only be temporarily.A marriage also allows your spouse has joined in your behaviour.By communication, it is hard to save marriage of its spark.At the same way you handle the situation.

Both parents will be great for both parties.Yes, that can take your spouse about what it takes to make several compromises in their relationship.You need to remember that in order to save marriage relationships that survive against all odds by the time it was that you both can work together to save a marriage that is salvageable.Fortunately, it is NOT related to these verbal tussles.In this way, you have the true love exist in a relationship breakup.

How To Save Your Marriage When The Love Is Gone

This is not an option but to divorce proceedings.Unfaithfulness is a wonderful marriage and your partner is not addressed at the most of the window!Rationalize the situation from occurring again.You can easily get answers to all criticisms and honest affinity towards your spouse.It's natural for people who divorced are not perfect, what you should realize that you have some firm strategies for solving this marriage from divorce in a seed?

It all involves changing your perspective and try to save marriage, any marriage, from the seven attributes above, you only talk with your life.You didn't find love in a marriage that I would not seem very easy to take time and attention on the trip.Open up and take notes, not judge or problem solve.My children notice this and that, or when you are getting involved in a new, sexy light.Do not argue in public or even if it is not strong enough to heal damaging relationships.

[prairiechzhead]

Hi read your post, D is diff in s3 but that is because she is struggling with all whats happened. 3.01 she was so sad ,then after Roscoff she was annoyed with him,he says one thing and does another,Dwight was his friend ,yes he had to go but one min he wants to be a country squire and next he in France. She gets snarky with him because he is stubborn

(2/5) She knows what he wants before he does,he is blind to things, she deserves to be snarky after what he put her through ,it took him months to say sorry,now he is saying twice, you have married the wrong man, look else where,not all men are besottted, he cant see what L is really like,says she wouldnt allow G to behave bad, he knows L, (yes thats the prob). Know D knows he kissed L, would that sound good to a 25 yr old girl, she ought to hang the moon for R now and he still didnt change

(3/5) He cant see that she is more vunerable now things that never bothered her before do now, she has lost her faith in him and herself,chink in her armour, she has been second best for most of her marriage . She has never had his unconditional love, he loves her but he just needed to show it more,one dance at the ball,tell her she looks nice, she doubts her self worth ,he is not honest with her,she feels unappreciated.he is s good man but takes her for granted, so yes glad she is modern

(4/5)He would walk all over her otherwise, think she deserved to be snarky with him at times ,didnt like the beach snark after Agatha died,he retaliated bad back as well, she knows that R should do this job not G,he knows it,it annoys her, agree that some dialogue from book D does not suit show D that gets mixed up, book D would not of suited todays audience,she was too forgiving after his vbt, then when with H while she was still happy with R, that was horrible,glad Deb changed that. D was sweet in

(5/5)She was sweet in s1 but she was young and blinded with love,she no longer sees him with rose rimmed spectacles, she had him on a pedestal . Circumstances have changed her. Going with H was wrong because of her beliefs but he is the first man thats loved her because he wants to,R married her out of obligation,Sparks helped me with understanding all this. Thats my take anyway,

Okay, Nonny. Since your ask was long, I’m going to try and tackle this the best I can. This answer will probably be long, too. Here goes: 

This is my take. Modern Demelza does not work in the show because they gave her 21st Century attitudes, but left everyone else in the 18th century. This is a period drama. It is not unreasonable to expect that the characters and the story are accurate to the time period. If modern people can’t accept that this is a period drama and that characters are going to act according to the mores and dictates of that period, then perhaps they shouldn’t watch the show. The other thing is that if DH wants a modern take on this, then, as @mmmuses said in another post, she should do a modern adaptation of Poldark and set it on the 21st century. 

One thing that people miss who love modern Demelza is that she can be as feisty as she wants, but it doesn’t change things like the laws at the time. A modern woman, in the same situation has the freedom to leave. In the 18th century, she did not. A married woman had zero rights under the law. In fact, the law did not recognize her as a person at all. She was part of her husband. In 18th century England, a woman could not obtain a divorce at all. A man could, but only if his wife had committed adultery. So hypothetically, Ross could divorce her after her thing with Hugh and she would be left with nothing. Not even her children. Being modern and feisty isn’t going to help you there. 

The thing about book Demelza is this: she is a more mature character. She is allowed to mature. Time and experience made her grow up. But in spite of everything she has gone through, she was still a sweet and kind person. That is not weakness. To maintain that in the face of some really tough things shows strength of character. She is wiser, but she is not bitter. What you’re describing with Modern Demelza is anger and bitterness. Those are not positive traits in a person.

There is a time gap between Warleggen and Black Moon where R & D’s reconciliation happened. Their reconciliation actually started in Warleggen, but it was very slow. Still, most of it happened between the two books. So no, she did not forgive Ross “too quickly”. Warleggen ended around Christmas time. Black Moon picked up a few months later. It may be your opinion that their reconciliation happened “too quickly”, but you are forgetting that R & D love each other deeply and they are meant to be together, which is their motivation to resolve things. The amount of time someone needs to resolve a problem is also subjective. It depends on the parties involved and how much effort they put into it. 

You’re also forgetting that Ross was sorry for what he did with E, even though he didn’t express it the best way. He showed regret and remorse right away because he damaged the trust between him and his wife. On the show, you see it in Aidan Turner’s acting and facial expressions. Ross is horrible at communicating things verbally, so on the show, you have to pay close attention to all those non-verbal cues, which Aidan does so beautifully. Demelza is also not very good at communicating, for that matter. Modern Demelza is even worse at it than Book Demelza. Modern Demelza has this nasty habit of never giving Ross a chance to explain or clarify things he says that don’t come out sounding as he may have intended. She reacts to the words. It also seems that Ross on the show is the one making the effort to change, where Demelza is not. 

This brings me back to the point about historical accuracy. Because Demelza is stuck in this marriage, the only option she has is to make it work. Being snarky and bitter and angry is not how you work things out like a mature adult. And as young as she is, people in those days grew up very quickly. They had no choice. Modern Demelza also does not work here because if she remains snarky and bitter and angry, then she’s basically stuck in a miserable marriage and contributing to its miserable state. What motivation does Ross have to stay faithful to her if all she does is bitch at him all the time? Plus now you’ve taken away the happy ending. As part of the audience, if she’s going to be bitchy and out of character all the time, then what motivation do I have to root for this couple to fix things and be happy? None. I can’t find anything worth cheering for if all she’s going to do is complain and be snarky at him and criticize him all the time. 

A successful marriage is about balance. Both partners are responsible for maintaining equilibrium. Things will happen that will upset this equilibrium. It is up to both partners to adapt and change to restore equilibrium. You cannot have equilibrium in a relationship when one person decides she’s going to do whatever she wants while the other person has to sit back and let her do it. This is also my problem with Modern Demelza. In the books, Ross and Demelza are perfect foils for each other. They also adapt and change to maintain that equilibrium in their relationship. I’m not seeing anything like that on the show. In fact, it seems like they’re trying to make Demelza more modern at the expense of Ross’s character. I also believe that making D modern also comes at Caroline’s expense as well. 

The other issue with modernizing a period character is that our modern culture defines strength of character backwards. Book Demelza is a stronger character than Modern Demelza. Book Demelza is a stronger character because she takes the time to think through and ponder what she does and how she feels about things before she acts. She doesn’t always do the right thing, but she is human. Modern Demelza is impulsive and doesn’t think things through. She acts on emotion and sometimes that emotion is spite or anger. Our culture mistakenly teaches us that to stop and think about things first is indecisiveness and therefore indecisiveness is weakness. Acting without thinking is weakness. Hugh Armitage doesn’t love her in an adult way. Hugh has basically a crush on her and because of who he is and his station in life, he can act on it and he does. 

The lines that Ross says about “you’ve married the wrong man” are an example of how Modern Demelza misinterprets things and doesn’t ask him to explain what he meant. At times during this past season, it felt like Modern Demelza was looking for reasons to take up with Hugh. This is an example of that. He was not pushing her away nor was he telling her he didn’t want her, as so many people are interpreting that to mean. Book Demelza struggled with her attraction to Hugh right up until the act itself. 

Modern Demelza is trying to make Ross into something he is not, and then she gets snippy when he won’t do what she wants him to do, while Book Demelza understands who her husband is and doesn’t push him or berate him for not taking the MP offer at first. 

If you have not read the books, I recommend that you do because there is so much context in them that is missing from the show. I felt that S3 was rushed and they tried to cram too much into 9 episodes. There was a lot of context missing from what we saw on screen. 

In the end, these two crazy kids, Ross and Demelza, do love each other. Deeply. They do not want to be without the other. And they do stay together because they love each other and they want to be together. That is the end goal, but with the changes that Debbie made, she’s going to have to do a lot of logical gymnastics in order to have the TV versions reach that goal. I can suspend my disbelief, but up to a point. Because if I were in TV Ross’s shoes, I wouldn’t want to stay married to someone who was snarky to me and did things out of spite towards me or never gave me the benefit of the doubt. That’s tantamount to emotional abuse. 

[autumnleaves--wintertrees]

Made on November 17, 2017 10:00:29pm Posted: November 18th, 2017 10:14:53am

I am passionate. I will also dive into each little corner about something that I enjoyed, take time to lay it all out, and talk about each piece at extreme length.

I don’t care if you and your girlfriend from the next space over don’t want to hear my analyzations (and yet you keep listening in. You cannot be asked to mind your own business, no matter how easily you actually could); I don’t care if what I’m saying is supposed to be some kind of review and according to you is expected to have constructive criticism or any criticism (just accept the compliments instead of being an ungrateful brat); I don’t care that you didn’t want a long detailed response to your direct questions about what I thought; I don’t care if my enthusiasm makes you think I’m “so weird for being so hyper” about something; I don’t care that the creator of said content already expressed what I’m saying in a different way or with fewer words, or if you are the creator; I don’t care that you perceive my involvement in this as condescending (everything I said would remain unchanged if it was said by someone you wanted to hear from plus I am making conscious efforts to be as nonthreatening and polite as possible in regards to your views). This is something that I enjoy and something I enjoy talking about with much delineation; I will go on and on about it whether or not you find anything I said criticizing, engaging, controversial, and/or interesting. (Yes, I always do my best to think before I speak or type and I try to restrain myself on topics I know very little about or have little experience in. Of course if the subject is more serious and/or important and I have something imperative, appropriate, and/or educational to contribute to the discussion, only then will I say anything. I am mature enough to understand there are some topics I have no business sticking myself in; any aggressive willingness to argue anybody about anything and to run interference where it is needless does nothing but turn me into an insolent meddling pariah, and I look strikingly stupid doing it too. However, I will never apologize for how thorough I will always be and how deeply into detail I will always get.) Your attitude be damned.

Yes, my passion can easily run into overthinking and slight obsession yet the level of my reactions and excitement are not even hurting or negatively impacting anyone. There is also nothing wrong with what I’m enjoying though you feel some twisted need to physically stop what you are doing and remark on how “silly” or “stupid” you think I am acting. PersonA, not talking to anyone in particular: "Wow, I really, really like this thing. I think it’s incredible! I would talk about it all day, and actually, I will today! This thing is so interesting and cool, and I really enjoy making up stories for it, or artwork! I think its great.” PersonB and most other people, notably if they are online: “I have nothing in my life that brings me to the level of enjoyment and excitement this thing brings to you, so I’ve decided to humiliate you for being different.” OR “People shouldn’t be so emotional. Emotions are for losers. I am an inanimate object. I will humiliate you now for having emotions, you strange two-legged creature.” I am sorry that incompetent people were the ones to raise you. I am sorry that you have nothing in your life that gives you so much personal enjoyment you talk about your love for it openly, with abandon, and for long periods of time. I am sorry you are a hollow person with a hollow fucking life. I am sorry that you are so stupid (or young) to believe you can say whatever you want just because you are online while you wouldn’t even dare open your mouth if you were speaking in person with me or anyone else. However, these things about you are never reasons to humiliate someone else. This is especially true when extreme interest should be expected to come from places such as tumblr, or fanfiction forums, places constructed for ‘extreme excitement over something’.

You (attacker) always have the option to leave the person alone.

By this point in my adult life I have experienced enough of your type that doesn’t feel as excited for something, and then you decide to make my reactions your business. You truly don’t know that you are “silly” for believing I don’t already know I’m passionate? I am well aware of how I can be, people like you feel the need to make “stupid” comments on it all the time. It’s not as if you are the one speaking, and it’s no bother for you to just leave your haughty self out of this. If you cannot handle my intense detail oriented focus then simply be quiet or go away. Don’t you dare try to make me feel bad because you don’t feel the same way, can’t understand that I feel as deeply as I do for the things that I like and that I will talk extensively about them. Although the subject I’m talking in great specifics about may be sad or depressing or awful so I don’t like talking about it, that doesn’t matter; I will still outline and focus on it. Quite honestly, you can take your “calm down” and your “it’s not a big deal”, and especially your idiotic “somebody already went over this lol omg shutup”–about how interested I am in something and go sit on it and spin.

[shamelessliarkickapow]

So @borkf wrote this great piece of critical feedback for chapter 21 of The King’s Pet or The King! I finally finished a super long response that addresses character development and the trajectory of the story, so if you’re interested, borkf’s review is linked above and my response is under the cut.

To start, thank you so much! Thank you for writing this enormous, beautiful, thought-provoking critique, which shows so much investment in the project and awareness of its writer! Thank you for caring so much about my story, and for sticking with me even though I haven't been quick about the updates for the last forever, and also for being a part of my sad little patreon. I feel like I say 'this means so much to me' so much that it's lost meaning, but it continues to be true. I thought (and wrote!) a lot about the issues you raised over the past week, and I hope the following will at least address some of those gaps, if not alleviate them.

Let's start with Zuko's conflicts, which you're totally right about. Primarily, up to this point in the story, it's been Zuko vs. Katara on the surface and Zuko vs. Himself at the heart. Zuko vs. Ozai is also a big part of this story, but since Zuko has mostly just been struggling with his internal issues regarding his father up until now, it falls in the Himself category. That will change. Zuko has to resolve his inner conflict before he can take his place in the outer conflict that is the point of the story - Zuko vs. Ozai. Or, Team Avatar vs. The Fire Lord, or Good vs. Evil - or "Good" vs. "Evil". (Can I say how glad I am that you brought this up? I don't devote enough thought to things like this as I'm planning - I get so caught up in those exciting details…)

My focus tends more toward what characters desire. In Call Me Katto, Zuko's desires were super simple. Avatar, Katara, Go Home. Now, having achieved those things and found them all more complicated than they initially seemed, his desires are muddied. He still wants Katara, but he doesn't want to want her anymore, since that situation has turned so painful and shameful. He still wants his father's love and, though he isn't entirely honest with himself about it, that desire makes him want to go about things in the palace a certain way - be a proper prince, work the nobles to the Fire Lord's will, dominate the ministers, and so on - but he is also not entirely naive to what his father is capable of doing to him. The only driving force that remains uncomplicated at this point is Zuko's desire to fulfill his duty to his people - but the ways in which he tries to do that are strongly influenced by desire #2. I'll come back to that in a sec.

So far the story has been concerned with Zuko's progress toward enlightenment. Admittedly, i often go about these things in round-about ways, but I just want to make sure you know - this isn't intended to be a cliffhanger! I don't mean to make people wait unnecessarily for some closure on how he'll choose (he'll choose good! I swear!) but i also don't want to rush him into epiphany by letting him just suddenly see things clearly. So, on the one hand, I'm right there with you - I want to tell a well-crafted story that doesn't drag, but I also want to get at the heart of this transformation.

I had a creative writing teacher once who told me not to waste a lot of time on navel-gazing. He was talking about unnecessary reflection, and leading character's thoughts around in too-convenient paths of logic. The most stressful times in our lives are often characterized with spans of blindness. Abusive relationships, big moves, major lifestyle changes. We look at the immediate work we have to do, and at the sources of tension and friction in our day-to-day, and we forget about the overarching themes of that time of our lives. Zuko hasn't reflected a lot for a while because the time hasn't been right. He hasn't experienced the logical steps and more direct challenges to his perceptions that will drive him finally to his breaking point. I have so many ideas and plot points for the coming chapters, I've written dozens of pages of outlines, character reflections, and summaries, and most of what I'm working on now is centered on Zuko reaching the decision point and dealing with the complications that follow.

I was kind of surprised at how many people thought he might decide to jump aboard the Avatar Express in this last chapter (like you said, with no time to reflect or really consider it) but I guess I shouldn't be. We all kinda go into this story with the plot to season 3 in the backs of our minds. Zuko's got to join the Avatar in order to make his transition to the good side, because that's how it happened in the show.

In CMK and King's Pet, though, a lot of factors make that impossible right now. First off, like i said, Zuko has not yet reached his breaking point. Secondly, this AU is a little more mature, a little more realistic. Zuko is older. It may only be a couple of years, but it's enough to put him solidly in his majority, an adult in the eyes of the Fire Nation, and therefore old enough to handle some responsibilities of state. There are actual duties (to actual people) tying him to the Fire Nation, where the Zuko of the show by all appearances had only Mai and the occasional war meeting. There's a lot in this story physically holding him to the Fire Nation. Luckily, his transformation in this story doesn't have to be marked by him running off with the gang. But I'll come back to that.

Another thing keeping Zuko from defecting (and this is kind of a side note) is that the Avatar's cause still seems pretty hopeless, except to hope-huggers like Katara and Iroh. In this AU, nobody really knows about the Avatar State yet. Aang, having already interrupted his lessons with Guru Pathik, hasn't unlocked it, and nobody really realizes at this point just how powerful he can be. The gang has been focused on escaping since they got together, so there hasn't been much chance to dwell on it yet, but the doubts are coming. Mostly from Sokka. Ah, Sokka…

But getting back to Zuko's insistence on remaining loyal to his father/the Fire Nation/his people… That important third option you mentioned, where Zuko could rationalize betraying his father as a necessary act to save his people and be with Katara, that opportunity was lost way back when he joined Azula (his 'real' family, not the family that had just locked him up in a trunk) on the beach. At the present moment in the story, even though he at least partially recognizes how flawed his real family is (suspicious of Azula, wary of his father) that third option no longer makes sense. If Zuko joined the Avatar now, he would be giving up on winning his father's love and trust in the middle of Ozai's test. He still believes the strength of the Fire Nation cannot be defeated by one kid, so he would be abandoning the position of power from which he could actually help his people.

And, not least of all, he's come to realize that Katara's love is entirely out of reach to him. Even if he did change sides, he still wouldn't be worthy of her, firstly because of all he's done to her, and secondly because he would be turning his back on his father and his duty. But, as we've said, Zuko hasn't really had a chance to come clearly to these conclusions at this point. He's had no reason to really think of changing course. Things are still - if not optimistic - at least hopeful in the capital, and Zuko still believes he can fulfill his destiny there, if he can just resolve his most immediate moral qualms. (i.e. removing Katara and her friends) He's wrong, but he hasn't been confronted with that reality yet.

I do see what you mean about a confusing and vague dynamic, though. A hundred thousand words (o god why) and Zuko is still trying to have it both ways - winning his father's love, but also doing the right thing in secret. If I were a more devoted editor, I could probably lop out some chapters… and, if I'm being honest, if this wasn't fanfiction, I would probably be more ruthless about cutting the fluff and pruning down to a streamlined plot. As it is, I'm pretty loosey-goosey about including every narrative side-street and alleyway. You're right that Zuko hasn't made a lot of headway in his conflict with himself, but he has undergone some subtle changes since the start of King's Pet (accepting that he cannot change Katara's mind, colluding to free enemies of the state, choosing to free the Avatar rather than keep Katara hostage (that's a big treasonous one.)) They're mostly small steps, tiny compromises that mark a slow maturation. Soon, he'll be ready to assess where these compromises have taken him, and why. He'll be able to recognize that he didn't free the Avatar JUST because he wanted to get rid of Katara and the pain she causes him.

But yes, he's also regressed, too. Flip-flopped, as you said. He refuses to see Katara's side of things out of frustration and pride, because being angry at her is easier than being vulnerable and penitent with someone who finds satisfaction in causing him pain. He cannot completely bury his own guilt, though, which will ultimately aid in his redemption. Anyway, this issue hasn't been dropped, I promise.

So… confession… King's Pet is going to be the longest thing i've ever written, no doubt about it. The trajectory of the story might be unclear right now because I've written twenty beefy chapters full of details and mini-arcs and new characters and new settings that i did not skimp on because I wanted all of the material I could produce available for all the threads coming together in the ultimate struggle ahead. In the next five or so chapters, Zuko will reach his breaking point and his struggle will begin to shift from internal to external. Finally. 

After all, the title of the story is The King's Pet or The King - it isn't just about Zuko joining the Avatar, it's about him coming into his own as a ruler, which means dealing with all those pieces I've taken the time to position in Caldera.

For now though, suffice it to say that the Districts will be rising up against the Capitol. Sozin's Comet is still coming at the end of the summer, and Aang and the gang will be moving forward with that in mind. Sian and Pokui, Yotsu, Loska and the healers, Lord Gan and the ministers, Jee and the crew, Tyno, Zhao, the Northern Water Tribe rebels - all those characters have roles to play in the story ahead. It's just… a really long and rambling story, and maybe not as streamlined as it could have been. Chapter 21 wasn't a climax - it was Saving Private Sokka, part 1. A whole lot is still ahead. I know there's a lack of trajectory right now, but we're still in an action sequence. Things will change in the next chapter. :)

Healing between Zuko and Katara will take a long time, and a lot of little steps. (Stay with me? Don't leave me? Please?) But it will happen. It will start with corrections of personal action for both of them, an acknowledgement of minor wrongs, and mutual need for trust in a dangerous place. Then there will be shocking discoveries, bolder choices made, perils welcomed, and risks braved. Respect will be won again. The heat will rise by degrees. Something terrible will lead to a victory, twice. And after all that, the romance can emerge again, uncertain but more deeply-rooted than before.

Point being, and here's a little concrete spoiler, all that can't happen if Katara leaves Caldera now. She didn't get her final say in the throne room (partly out of embarrassment that her dad and uncles were watching her have that conversation about loving and lying and using) and she isn't finished with the task she's taken on in the Fire Nation. I debated on how to handle Hakoda leaving her there, and I finally realized that he couldn't. His trust in her judgement is shaken, he knows in his heart that leaving her behind is as good as never seeing her again, and she is the nearest thing he has remaining to Kya. He would never choose to leave her, so Katara has to take matters into her own hands. When she gets back to the Palace, you can bet she'll have some things to say to Zuko, and a lot of them are going to address the stuff you brought up.

Katara's conflict has always been more straightforward than Zuko's. She's fighting for her people and for her family and for the side of good, although the last has become more complicated since the beginning of the story. Forces and figures of authority stand in her way, and where she could fight them directly in Call Me Katto, she has had to change her approach in King's Pet. She still has to learn to fight in a more nuanced way, a way that doesn't compromise her identity, and she has to tackle this overwhelming challenge and not give up even though it would be so much easier to do things her father's way.

Katara's struggle fades into the background beside Zuko's, because despite uncertainty, her goal does not waver. Freedom, an end to the war, peace for her people, the Avatar triumphant. She has the luxury of knowing her father will always love her anyway, even if she breaks his heart. And while she butts heads with Zuko, and lashes out at him because he's the only person she can lash out at, her primary conflict remains Katara vs. Strictures of Society. There has been some Katara vs. Herself mixed in there, too, but her overarching fight right now is to establish herself in the eyes of others - as a powerful warrior, as an honorable and respectable public figure, as a compassionate hero. As Zuko begins making progress in his conflicts, Katara will also move forward. 

Anyway, I hope some of this has been useful, or at least reassuring about the direction of the story. And I hope it's not muddled. I feel like I ramble and talk in circles a lot with essay-type-things, so I hope you'll forgive that if I did it. If I forgot anything or you come up with new questions or observations, feel free to hit me up! Thank you again for your wonderful message and all the thought-provoking it did! I'll get a new scene up on Patreon in the next couple of days - maybe even tonight! Yay!

[stlhealthandwellness-blog]

As The Temperatures Rise So Do Tempers

http://tinyurl.com/y9647enw This summer, like summers before, when it gets hot outside, tempers heat up too. Drama resides where people, especially children, are close together. Drama of any type can cause emotional hurt, and emotional hurt is typically a trigger for emotions to escalate quickly. Our hot emotion is anger and it is a learned behavior. Our role models—parents, teachers, coaches— teach us how to express anger. Children, as well as adults, come into situations with a wide variety of all these learned behaviors. In addition, our society also has a great impact on how we react when we feel wronged. Revenge has become our societal norm. Situations often end in tragic events because hurt people turn their thinking brain off in reaction to some anger trigger. They then decide to hurt others before they can be hurt again. We now have an eye for an eye mentality, and this has escalated to the point that every day we have “breaking news”. Even more concerning is that we seldom stop to really listen to the tragedies reported in the media, as these stories have become our new societal norm too. Anger is often thought of as a substitute emotion. People get angry so they do not have to feel the pain associated with the cause of what triggered the anger. This person can project the pain onto someone else to further remove their own pain. All the underlying anguish of sadness, frustration or isolation can lead to anger becoming a habit. It is a habit for self-preservation. We must remember that anger is both helpful and hurtful. Anger is helpful when our thinking brain is turned on because it helps us stand up for our self. On the other hand, anger can be hurtful because it can trigger others to become angry too and angry people can get out-of-control. When control is lost and our thinking brain is turned off, this intense rage can lead to catastrophic reactions and violence. The good news is that each of us can play a part in the solution to end violence and we begin with our own family. If we train ourselves to handle anger in a constructive rather than destructive way, then we can model and teach others to practice anger management skills. Our family atmosphere allows each child to witness alternative ways to deal with negative emotions in an appropriate manner. We must give our child confidence by establishing the parent as the leader. We cannot be dominating or overly critical of children. To maintain the child’s confidence, praise good behavior – instead of only criticizing bad behavior. Discuss with all children the rights of others and courtesies due them. Talk about the little triggers that may anger people. For instance, anger is triggered if someone is taking things without asking, invading someone else’s personal space, talking poorly about them or their situations. We need to teach children how to ask for what they need. For example, “I feel angry when you go in my room to get something without asking. Would you please ask to use it instead of just taking it?” Let the child know others will be more accepting if each child asks for what they need and maintains self-control. The next step is to develop strategies for the family to deal with anger at its onset so that the child will stay in control of volatile feelings. Take a few deep breaths and think before reacting. This is how we keep our thinking brain turned on and involved. Some people still count to ten and the purpose is to slow down the anger-reaction process. Removing themselves from what is triggering their anger or trying to find something funny in the situation also slows down the reaction. Give permission to your children to create workable options for them—for example, the child may use exercise such as walking or running to calm down. If in a place where immediate exercising is not an option then show the child how muscle tightening and relaxation will promote tension release. Encourage the use of music to improve their mood. Any one of these strategies will work at some time or other. Encourage your children to try them all. Communication is the key to real anger management. Staying close to the situation and trying to understand the circumstances may prevent a situation from getting out-of-control. An angry person who is talking has their thinking brain turned on and will not escalate as quickly to irrational behavior. Parents need a unified response which sends a message to the child that this behavior is not acceptable and will be dealt with appropriately.

If children are fighting—verbally or physically, separate them immediately. Let your voice show calm, mature authority.

Do not allow any angry verbal exchanges, and physically remove each of them to a “safe distance” apart from each other.

Attempt to give them time to cool down. Watch facial expressions to indicate less tension.

Calmly discuss the situation separately with each individual child. There are always two sides to every story, and the truth is likely some place in the middle. Hold a face-to-face conversation where each child describes their version without interruption from the other. Emphasize resolving the problem, not placing blame. Attempt to help each see the other side, then reconcile differences.

Give a logical consequence if clear provocation can be established. Aim for a make-up plan and guide the true victim to assist with the consequences. Consequences must be consistent, creative and caring and it must be seen as such by those involved.

A child needs structure and they need to know what to expect in order to feel safe with their thoughts and actions. Uninterrupted anger will always over-ride rational thought and turn off our thinking brain. In our families, we must teach children to keep their thinking brain turned on by putting focus on the situation without taking it personally, and understanding why they are feeling angry. Help children learn to think before reacting. Help them gather complete evidence about the situation before accusing or attacking someone and help them realize there are different ways to look at difficult situations. In the heat of the moment, the challenge is to see the other person’s point of view. Teach the child that there are levels of reaction to a conflict or situation. They must understand that if they allow their emotions to dictate their actions, and resort to inappropriate or aggressive actions, there may be severe consequences from authorities. A child must develop the ability to ask, “Is the result of my actions worth the consequences of possible damage to my future or my reputation?”. Camp Jump Start 3602 Lions Den Road Imperial, MO 63052 877-520-5867 www.campjumpstart.com