#its so sweet how much thought renjun put into it

[haec-an]

haechan showing off his Christmas gift from renjun

[yongislong]

skin ship + dreamies.

wc/genre: idk, pretty short though, fluff, suggestive.... lmao established relationships with nonidol!dreamies! reqs openn

cw/note: none! late night post, not requested but i had this idea while studying bc... shit has been going on in my life and i! need! comfort! lmk what you think, masterlist is on my page, take care of urselves, i am in no way saying love can cure mental illness in any of my posts btw! i thought i'd just clarify lol

mark... he's so touchy with you and he's such a nerd about it LOL, he loves you and freaks out. like yes he's confident don't get me wrong but once he sees you and realizes that he has you, he pounces. he hugs you so hard people might think you'd disappear. it's always so full of love and he has a geeky smile and you can hear his breathy giggles in your ear. also likes pulling your toes when you're on your bed scrolling in PEACE. he does it so hard and you never fail to fly off wherever you're sitting to chase him across the apartment. cheek pincher on the low. honestly loves any skin ship under the sun. especially on any exposed skin, smooches <3 shoulder kiss enthusiast and he's very good at it :') likes catching you off guard with any skin ship. pulls you tight whenever you sleep

renjun... hand tracing dear god. he loves your hands, no matter what they look like. YES i know its cliche but he loves messing with your rings, painting your nails, etc. he thinks he's being so slick and cool but he's so cute about it because he also doesn't care, like he has no reason to not show you how beautiful he believes every part of you is. sometimes he doesn't even notice, he just takes ahold of your wrists or forearm and drapes it on his lap. maybe he likes to put his fingers in ur mouth I DON'T KNOW??? esp when you wave ur finger in his face... not super touchy when cuddling but you always end up with his hand in yours. sometimes switches rings with you and doesn't notice until he's taking off his jewelry to go to bed and he's giggling into his hand like an 8 year old lol. likes pinching the skin on your upper back and thighs. finds comfort in tracing his fingertips on your collarbones before bed, helps you both fall asleep fast

jeno... god he's such a hip guy. loves a cheeky lil slap on the butt at any time of the day OFC but also just likes having his hands on your hips, likes to feel ur hipbones/curves y'know. you're so beautiful to him. he always pretends to get the wind knocked out of him when he sees u... hes so cheesy. sometimes when you're watching a movie he sits you between his legs and innocently snakes one finger under your clothes to feel the skin on the expanse on your upper hip and stomach. he loooves stomachs. especially if they're soft or not defined like those old greek paintings, he likes how different you feel from him if that makes sense.... bc he's lean. unless you're lean too he kinda gets fomo like damn did you hit the gym without him lol. also a cheek pincher, just likes messing with your face in general. cute sleeper, tucks you under his chin, ends up with his head under your shirt bc he gets cold at night and is always so surprised when he wakes up pfft. also an upper arm rubber. pls trace your finger on his nose brige.

haechan... mf. any skin ship have you seen this man. i will say the skin ship he has with you and the way he goes about it is different because he wants to make it a point that yes, he's touchy but only you get certain privileges or touches. especially when you two are alone. he likes to look at you while you sleep, not in a weird way he just likes that this is the one time you let him play with your hair and kiss your fingertips without you bursting into shy giggles. a lot of people think he would be a goofy bf and yeah that's true but he wants to so badly do well in this relationship. he cares about you so much. some nights when he looks at you he's thinks he just might cry. gives you lots of typical skin ship but also just is super domestic and sweet and considerate of your feelings. LOOVES, loves and i mean adores hiding his face in the crook of your neck, likes your natural scent sm, makes him smiley.

jaemin... like haechan he likes to watch you when you sleep but in the morning instead, when he wakes up before you. likes whispering things to you about how gorgeous he thinks you are and how can someone look so pretty when they've been tossing and turning all night. smiles to himself always. pokes your cheeks especially when you're puffy and sleepy. his favorite type of skin ship is pulling your cheek. he also likes brushing up your brows and running his thumb on your lower lip. gosh he's just so so sweet. he's obsessed with you in the best way. likes being around you. hand on the waist when he's trying to maneuver himself behind you to reach for his toothbrush in the bathroom > AGH. has no limits to how touchy he is in his mind. like if you are equally as touchy or just enjoy skin ship and don't mind him giving you puppy dog eyes through the mirror as he brushes your hair, its an easy open for him to do what he wants with you. I KNOW this is kinda all over the place but just imagine someone being in absolute adoration of you, your body, your skin, your face in a non creepy way LOL etc, etc. very wholesome

chenle... waist holder. oh MY god. he's not really touchy, in my opinion and from what i've seen, but he is a clinger. he likes skin ship mostly and only if he gets to initiate it. makes him feel manly muahaha. dont get me wrong, adores you doing slight skin ship with him but when he gets to tuck you under him at night or is able to trace the underside of your jaw. OH MY GOD he loves putting his finger under your chin to lift your face to look up at him please??? is so cocky about this and even if you're taller or his height, he loves to catch you when you're sitting down and it never fails to make you lose your mind. yeah yeah he likes it when you touch his neck, he's corny like that. laying your hand on his chest when you kiss GOD??? he combusts every time. it's moments like these where he doesn't mind you initiating touches bc it makes him feel special and wanted. please give him attention when you've seen he's had a hard day. he never knows how to ask for you, but now you've gotten into the swing of being around each other and learning what each other likes when it comes to skin to skin contact.

jisung... another fucking cheek poker dude. can never grasp the fact that yeah, you're sitting next to him, willingly watching his favorite movie with him, sharing a blanket, with the fresh cookies you made. wants to make sure you're real so he pokes you. he doesn't think he doesn't deserve you he just, is so proud of himself for bagging you and needs to make sure he isn't lucid dreaming LOL. ya'll need to wake up, yeah jisung has probably never had a relationship up until you but oh... oh once he learns how to fluster you, its like he hit the jackpot. knows how much you like him kissing the top of your spine before bed and you learned that tugging on the hairs and the nape of his neck has earned you several reactions in the past. its a very sweet and intimate relationship, watching the both of you test the waters with shy pecks or head pats until you finally date for long enough that he fully feels confident falling asleep on your chest with his arms caging around your waist. likes pretty basic skin ship, he't not a poet or anything yknow LMAO so expect a lot of neck pecks, head pats, hugs where he shifts his weight in between his feet and rocks you back and forth, he's just a sweetie

[heartseungs-archive]

love.fm | h.rj

genre ❥ fluff, angst, coworkers to lovers  pairings ❥ radio show host!renjun x fem!reader  word count ❥ 7.2k   warnings ❥ none author’s note ❥ had this sitting in my wip for a while after rewatching renra on akdong seoul....just thought it would be a really cute idea!!

My love's so young, I'm young, at a sweet age I can't only look at you

As the ‘ON AIR’ sign flickers to life, you pick up the familiar pair of headphones at your seat, colourful stickers decorating the headband to separate it from the rest. The other guys at the station don’t particularly mind sharing headphones, but you find having a personalized one more enjoyable.

Seulgi, your program director, stands behind the glass wall, flashing a thumbs up from where she’s comfortably nestled in her chair. Jeno is just beside her, but he’s much more focused on the music controls, ensuring that it’s broadcasting smoothly. There’s a teleprompter in front of you, but you know you won’t need it. You’ll probably go off script anyways.

Which is why your partner flashes a warning glance at you, and you simply grin. He’s the one who keeps track of time and attempts to stick to Seulgi’s meticulously planned program sheets, reigning you in when you go off tangents.

Huang Renjun has been your partner host for the past year, and the both of you make a good team. A wonderful team, actually, if the listener numbers are anything to go off by. You know it’s partially luck that the both of you got an interesting show to helm, but surely part of it is due to your efforts as well.

Renjun’s dressed in a comfortable black hoodie today, already wearing his reading glasses as he looks over the script. You had teased him for his poor eyesight until he finally caved and bought the white frames that now rest comfortably on his nose.

A cue from Seulgi jolts you out of your thoughts, and you quickly take a sip of water before turning on the microphone. Renjun flashes an encouraging smile at you, even though it’s practically routine at this point.

“Welcome to The Love Club, where we provide a solution towards each and every dilemma you have about romance. It’s your favourite DJ, Y/N, along with Ren-D. I hope your Friday is going good, dear listener, so grab a cup of tea and let us accompany you until midnight!” The words flow out of your mouth smoothly, from weeks upon weeks of practice. Even then, the rush of excitement that fills you each time you speak into the microphone still remains as new as the first day you stepped into the studio.

“Thank you to everyone who sent in their stories! Today, we’ll be discussing the topic of first loves. Our first story is from user jiyeonluv.”

Dear Ren-D and Y/N-D,

I’m Jiyeon, a high-school student. I have a crush on someone in my school, and I really, really like them. But we’re graduating already, and I think we’ll be going to different universities. Should I pursue him?

You hum gently, thinking over your reply. The letter causes a fond smile to make its way onto your face, just from how adorable it is. “I think you should go for it. After all, if both of you really like each other, it’s possible. Besides, it’s better to try and be rejected, rather than not and worry about the what ifs.”

Renjun nods. “Besides, I heard long-distance relationships are the trend now,” he adds.

“I’m not sure where Renjun gets his trends from, considering he barely uses the internet,” you contradict, and Renjun scoffs slightly. “However, I hope everything goes well for you, user jiyeonluv! On that note, the first song of today that we’ll be playing is Young Luv by STAYC.”

“Good job today,” you say, and Renjun quickly returns your tired grin. He pushes open the glass door, you following behind him. Your tote bag lies on the shelf outside the office along with your sneakers, and you quickly put your shoes on, smartphone in hand.

Seulgi and Jeno wave goodbye to you as you leave, both of them already preparing for the next programme. Their schedules run a bit differently from yours and Renjun’s, considering they manage the night programmes until two in the morning. You wouldn’t be surprised if the both of them were almost nocturnal at this point.

The hallway is dim at this time of night, the broadcasting station void of much activity except for the room you just exited. However, there are still footsteps here and there, likely from interns or security patrolling the building.

It’s a short walk from your studio to the carpark, but you’re already shivering by the time you exit the building. It’s coming to fall, and the leaves are already transitioning to shades of autumnal red and yellow.

It’s quickly halted by the feeling of a jacket over your shoulders, however, and you quickly look up at Renjun, a silent protest in your eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ve got a hoodie on. You, on the other hand, should really start remembering to bring your own jacket.”

“I don’t need to, when you lend me one anyways,” you reply, and he huffs a laugh, rolling his eyes.

However, you’re quick to move your hands towards the heating vents of Renjun’s car once you’re inside, sinking into the plush leather seats comfortably.

“You don’t need to send me back, you know. The public buses are still running,” you mutter, your breath fogging up the window. You draw a smiley face on it absentmindedly, watching as the cityscape flies by.

“It’s not that safe. Besides, you’re on the way anyways.” Renjun’s lying, because you know where he lives, and it is most definitely not on the way. In fact, it’s likely added an extra fifteen minutes to his journey home, but you’re not going to protest with him further, especially when the rides are in your benefit.

Even though the both of you are able to continue an entertaining banter throughout the entirety of the radio program, you and Renjun seem to lapse more into silence once alone, likely due to fatigue as well. You suppose it’s also due to the fact that there’s not much need for words to be exchanged for you to feel comfortable in Renjun’s presence, him focused on the road and you with…well, nothing exactly. The drive is always a good time for you to clear your mind, considering Renjun’s careful enough and you completely trust him to get you back home safe.

“See you tomorrow,” he says once the both of you are in front of your apartment building and you wave to him before stepping out onto the pavement, watching as his car gradually disappears down the winding path.

When you reach home, you’re quick to fall into bed, already exhausted. You’ll shower tomorrow, you think, but for now, what you need is a good night’s sleep.

“Well, someone looks cranky.”

“Shut up, Haechan.”

“Even I don’t mess with Jaemin, Haechan. You should be careful,” Mark says, and Jaemin just nods. Haechan sighs dramatically, sinking back into the chair, and his antics are the first thing you see when you step into the office.

“Well, I hope no one’s cranky after what I bought,” you announce, paper bags with recognizable green logos in your hands. Jaemin immediately perks up, looking at you gratefully.

“You’re so much better than Haechan,” he says, a sound of indignance coming from the other boy at his statement.

“Eight shots for you- I don’t know how you actually drink that, by the way, an iced tea for Mark and a latte for Hyuck.” The boys mutter soft thank yous as they take the cups from you, leaving two inside. Your caramel macchiato, and someone else’s-

“Speak of the devil.” Renjun is quick to grab his drink from your outstretched hand, raising a brow at you. It takes a while for you to realise you said it out loud, and your cheeks turn red, quickly shaking your head. “I was just wondering where you were, and you walked in right after,” you explain, and he nods, stealing a sip of your drink before he goes to his seat. You’re used to it at this point, even if Renjun has already gotten his own cold brew. You had been the one to persuade the boy into trying your macchiato a few months ago, to no little amount of effort. After a while, he had caved, but Renjun would never admit that he liked your drink more than his own.

“Today’s meeting is quite important, which is why I asked you guys to meet early.”

“At nine in the morning, no less,” Jaemin mumbles, and there’s barely audible laughter from the other two boys in the room. You had been wondering why Mark had texted the groupchat asking all of you to come down to the office early.

This morning, you had stumbled out of bed groggily when your alarm awoke you, running to the bathroom when you realised you might be late. The coffee had simultaneously been an apology and a distraction, but it ended up not mattering as much, since Renjun had arrived later than you.

“We need to discuss our plans for the second half of the year. If you guys want to revamp your programmes, change something about it, or anything.”

Haechan raises his hand quickly. “I think 37.5MHz should be extended to four hours.”

“No one wants to hear you talk for four hours, Haechan,” Renjun replies, and Haechan looks at him incredulously.

“Just because you can’t appreciate the masterpiece that is my voice, doesn’t mean others won’t-”

“Let’s stay focused, guys,” Mark reminds, but even he’s struggling slightly to maintain a serious expression on his face. The five of you are already familiar with each other at this point, being the ones to host the weekday special programs.

Mark’s in charge of the broadcast from ten in the morning to noon, his programme aptly titled Mark’s Music Space. You had come up with it at a meeting once, and he ended up liking it a lot more than you expected.

At two, Jaemin’s the one in the studio, a cup of coffee always by his side. Which is accurate, you suppose, since his entire programme is cafe-themed. He’s the one in charge of curating most of the playlists for the station, considering how well-versed the boy is in picking songs based on the mood.

Haechan takes over at five with 37.5Mhz, brightening the natural lull of the afternoons with his cheery personality. The boy runs it almost like a podcast at this point, often spending more time chatting than playing music. Still, if his ratings are anything to go by, you suppose there is an audience that he appeals to.

And then at nine, it’s you and Renjun’s turn, with Love.fm. The most interesting program, in your opinion, but you’ll never tell the other guys that, because they’ll definitely begin arguing with you incessantly. Still, you’re proud of how much work you and Renjun have put in, taking hours to plan out your themes and filtering through the listeners’ letters personally.

“Y/N, Renjun. Anything you guys want to change?” You look up at Mark, shaking your head. “I’m happy with the program.” “Me too,” Renjun replies, and you grin at him.

Jaemin lets out a slight chuckle, Haechan right after him, and you cast a pointed glance at the two. “What?” Jaemin quickly shakes his head, expression becoming blank once again. “Nothing.”

You look at Mark’s hesitant expression, and decide to just bite the bullet. “Mark, what is it?” The boy’s expression is stricken as he meets your gaze, and he coughs slightly before continuing. “Oh..um…I was gonna ask if you and Renjun wanted to make Love.fm a viewable broadcast.”

”Why don’t I get a viewable broadcast?”

“Because you post everything on your Instagram already. If I was your fan, I wouldn’t want to see your face anymore,” Jaemin responds, and Haechan huffs petulantly.

“Like….a live stream?” Renjun asks hesitantly, and Mark nods. “Yeah. Your program is already so popular, and I think a lot of the listeners are quite curious about what you guys look like. It would be a good idea for publicity. Of course, you don’t have to do a viewable one every day, it could be once a week, or something,” he explains, and you consider the idea briefly. It isn’t a bad one. You’re not someone who’s particularly afraid of the camera, and neither is Renjun. The idea’s almost exciting, the fact that you and Renjun are something like mini-celebrities because of your programme.

“I’m down if Renjun is,” you say, smiling, and Mark looks relieved, turning to your partner. “Sure,” Renjun says, and Mark claps his hands together. “Great! We can do the first one on Monday? For everyone else, Seulgi’s also discussing with the publicity team about getting us to film additional content, so I’ll keep you guys updated on that.”

You realise now that this is likely Seulgi’s idea, and it makes sense, really. When you had first started the job, you hadn’t expected the listeners to show so much support for their show hosts. Jaemin, Haechan and Mark have something of their own following as well. The five of you have potential as media personalities, and it's obvious that Seulgi’s making good use of it.

“Want to get breakfast?” Renjun asks, leaning over to your seat. “Yes please, I’m starving.” You grab your things and follow him out, waving goodbye to the others in the room.

As you pass by the recording studio, you hear faint voices filtering out of the room.

“Welcome to Chenji’s this….”

“And that!” You immediately recognize Jisung’s baritone and see the two younger boys inside, already rehearsing for their show. “They’ve improved a lot,” you comment, a fond smile on your face as you watch the two.

“I remember when they first joined. Jisung couldn’t even say one sentence without stuttering,” Renjun adds, and you let out a soft giggle. “Well, it’s thanks to you that he’s so good now. Don’t act like you didn’t stay up practising with him.” Renjun’s cheeks redden at your comment, but you know it’s true. Despite his colder exterior, Renjun is caring to the ones closest to him, and has a soft spot for the nervous youngest. It’s something you’ve noticed about him after spending so much time together, his quiet acts of service.

“What are you thinking about?” Renjun asks as the both of you step out into the bright morning sunlight. He looks nice today, brown corduroy jacket over a white shirt and jeans.

��I like your outfit today,” you comment, not catching the way Renjun’s breath hitches, his pulse speeding up just barely.

“Are you just saying this because you want the jacket?”

“No promises.”

When I see you happy Naturally, I'm laughing along I get excited by your actions and toss and turn

Technically, you shouldn’t even be nervous. But you can’t shake the tension that grips you, despite the two cups of hot chamomile that you’ve already consumed. It’s okay, you tell yourself. Today is like any other broadcast, Y/N.

“We just hit fifty thousand listeners,” Seulgi announces, and you sigh shakily, hearing Mark let out a low whistle at the news. You take it back. Today isn’t like any other broadcast. That’s close to double your usual number. Your train of thoughts- more like a nervous trainwreck at this point, really- is brought to a halt by the feeling of a warm hand on yours.

“You okay?” Renjun asks, his gaze warm, and you feel your heartrate slow down slightly. It’s not that you don’t want this- you’re quite excited, to be honest, but there’s also a little fear at the viewers’ reactions.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he continues, out of earshot of the people outside. However, you’re quick to pull yourself out of it, shaking your head at Renjun. His concerned gaze doesn’t leave your figure, but you smile at him reassuringly.

“I’m fine. Ready as ever. Seulgi, shall we start?” You ask, and she nods, turning on the cameras. There’s a screen in front of you that shows the comments, but you decide not to look, instead focusing on your script and the camera.

“Hello, everyone! Today is a very special day. As you can see, Ren-D and I are meeting everyone for the first time via live stream.” Renjun waves shyly at that, and you automatically grin, nervousness easing slightly as you fall back into the routine of hosting.

“I feel like someone doing a face reveal,” Renjun points out, and you laugh slightly. “Yeah, me too. Honestly, I was so nervous.”

You’re feeling much better now, and it feels like any other evening in the broadcasting studio, Renjun next to you, script in hand.

“Let me read out our first letter today, from user tyongya.”

Dear Y/N-D and Ren-D,

You have no idea how excited I was for the broadcast today! I wrote this letter because I’ve been in a relationship with someone for two years, but we haven’t told each other we love each other yet. What is love to the both of you?

Thank you for this program, and I’m cheering both of you on!

“Oh…” you trail off as you think over your reply, head tilted. “Wow, that’s a big question,” Renjun comments, and you nod.

“I think love is wanting to see the other person happy, no matter what. Like, seeing them smile makes you smile too. That’s the simplest way I can put it,” you finally state, and Renjun makes a sound of agreement.

“Y/N said it well. If I love someone, I think I would place their happiness above my own. Personally, I would say that loving someone means that being with them makes you want to be a better person, both for them and for yourself.” Renjun’s looking at you as he says it, and his voice takes on a noticeably softer tone. You’re suddenly unable to look at him for some reason, gaze darting downwards to your script nervously.

Once you regain your composure, you continue, even though the back of your neck still feels warm for some reason.

“Yes, don’t forget that self-love is important too, guys,” you say, and Renjun chuckles, causing you to inevitably let out a laugh of your own as well. He’s smiling brightly, and you’re not sure whether it’s because of the excitement of doing a live video broadcast, but you can’t hold back the wide grin that appears resolutely on your features as well.

“Now, our next song is Love, Maybe by Melomance. User tyongya, this is for you. We hope you find love soon!”

“I knew you would recommend Love, Maybe,” Renjun says, a teasing smirk on his face. “It’s a good song!” you defend, and he doesn’t reply, causing you to jab him softly with your elbow.

“Say it’s a good song, or I won’t stop playing it in the car,” you threaten, leaning towards him until your faces are close. Renjun leans back playfully, away from you, and you only lean closer, eyes questioning.

Until your headphone wire gets caught, causing you to stumble forward into his chair. Renjun’s quick to catch you, and you turn to look at him, only realising your faces are a hair’s breadth away from each other when it’s too late.

You’re quite sure you’ve stopped breathing as you look into Renjun’s wide eyes. It seems like forever before he quickly regains his senses and puts some distance between the both of you, standing up from his chair and letting out a nervous cough.

You’re still in a daze, cheeks already reddening with their familiar flush.

”Guys, good job on the broadcast today- are you two alright?” Seulgi glances confusedly at the both of you as she steps in, and Renjun is the first to respond.

“Yeah…we’re fine. What did you say?” He asks, and Seulgi looks rather doubtful, even as she grins at the both of you.

“We broke our viewer record today. And you guys should see the comments,” she adds, handing the both of you her laptop. You scroll absentmindedly, taking a while to focus. There are thousands of them, coming in at a mile a minute even though the broadcast’s over.

Wow….the both of them look exactly how they sound. And I love their voices, so that speaks for itself.

Y/N looks like she could be a celebrity! And Renjun too.

It’s hard to conceal your happy smile at the positive comments, even if it’s shallow to care about your appearance. Renjun catches your eyes, and the previous tension seems to be dispelled. You continue scrolling down, not entirely ready for the next barrage of comments.

The more I think about it, Renjun and Y/N look so good together.

These two are so compatible…I wonder if they’re dating?

Wouldn’t it be so cute if they were a couple? They even run Love.fm together…it’s like something out of a fiction book.

You cough abruptly, cheeks flushing as Seulgi looks at you, concerned. Renjun seems to have noticed them too, handing the laptop back and averting his gaze from where you’re standing. You hear the door open, and realise the midnight news broadcast must be starting soon.

“Right, you guys must be tired. Go home and rest,” she nags, almost pushing the both of you out of the recording studio. You don’t even bother to resist her, thoughts hung up on the comments from the listeners.

There’s an awkward silence that hangs over you and Renjun as the both of you leave the company building, and you fiddle with your fingers, unsure of what to say. It continues even as you enter the car, and Renjun seems to feel it too, for he immediately plays music the moment the both of you get in.

You lean your head against the headrest, occasionally taking quick glances at Renjun when you think he isn’t looking. It makes you feel nervous somehow, as if you’re doing something you shouldn’t.

His profile is soft under the streetlights, silver hair shining brightly even in the darkness. You remember when he had first walked in with it, and you stared at him open-mouthed in shock. It was such a stark contrast from his previous raven black hair, and yet seemed to make his features glow even brighter. The thought makes your heart flutter against your own will. You’re bewildered at the strange feeling, and yet can’t seem to tear your eyes away from the boy.

“You’re staring. Is something wrong?” Renjun’s direct question causes you to sit up immediately, heart rate stumbling. “Nope, nothing,” you stutter out, stubbornly turning your gaze out the car window, just in time for you to miss the amused smile on Renjun’s face.

“Y/N, wait.” Your hand is on the car handle when Renjun halts you outside your apartment building. You turn back to look at him, tote bag already in your grasp. “What is it?” The silver-haired boy falls silent at that, seeming to hesitate over something. You’re patient, however, leaning back into the seat just as you recognise the next song that has started playing through his car speakers.

I'm gettin' really tired of this back and forth Why don't we just give in to this driving force? I mean, there's somethin' between us

The lyrics make your brain short-circuit, and you can’t help but interpret them in the context of the situation, filling your heart with a heady sort of hope as you look at Renjun. It feels like you’re wading into unfamiliar waters, but something tells you to keep going.

“You did well today.”

“Huh?” You’re brought back down to reality, Renjun’s words grounding you.

”You were nervous, but you got through it. I’m proud of you. That’s what I wanted to say, I guess,” he mumbles, and the words are sweet, warming your heart.

“That wasn’t what I was expecting,” you say reflexively, and he turns to you. “Were you expecting something else?” His gaze is strangely searching as he turns to you, almost as if he’s silently beseeching you to say something else as well. However, you’re seized by nerves, and quickly shake your head.

“No, nothing. Thank you, Renjun. You did well today too. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Even then, you feel a sense of disappointment, but you can’t possibly blame him for your own overactive imagination. It must be the comments getting to your head, you think, as you step out of the car and Renjun waves to you.

Still, you can’t shake the thought of Renjun being more to you, of the both of you being more than just colleagues and friends. It’s never been something that’s come to mind, and yet made glaringly obvious by the events of today. The way you are starting to find it harder to let your eyes stray from his features, the drives home with him becoming the most treasured moments of your day.

The answer’s simple, really. Stupidly simple that you should have figured it out a long time ago, considering the fact that the both of you run a romance advisory programme. You have feelings for Renjun. Not-so-platonic feelings, if the speeding up of your heartbeat in the past few days are any indication.

You only remember the second half of the lyrics when you’re on your sofa, the lyrics of the song that was playing in Renjun’s car.

If I'm on your mind You know that you're on my mind I don't want to fall in love alone

“I don’t want to fall in love alone either,” you say to no one in particular, the only accompaniment being the four walls of your studio apartment. You’re at a loss on what to do with Renjun, haunted by both the endless possibilities and the fear of rejection.

Love is hard when it comes to Renjun, and you’re not sure if all your experience with hosting will have any use.

It’s two days before Renjun sees you in the studio again. On Tuesday, he had been waiting for you outside, before Seulgi had fired a quick text saying you had called in sick.

When you were absent from your seat beside him on Wednesday, there had been a foreign feeling of emptiness in the studio, compounded by the fact that you had yet to reply Renjun’s messages. Even then, he tries to make the program as engaging as possible, assuming that you’re home resting.

It’s not the same, no matter how hard he tries. It’s not the same without you.

By the time you step into the recording booth, Renjun’s positively overcome with worry, ready to jump out of his seat and hug you at the sight of you well and alive. However, he’s not sure if it will overwhelm you. He decides to force himself to stay where he is, fiddling anxiously with his fingers as his eyes follow you around the room. You smile pensively at him when you catch his gaze. In truth, you hadn’t been sick. You were just scared of seeing Renjun, especially immediately after being confronted with the weight of your new feelings.

The introduction passes as usual, and you put in extra effort to make your voice bright and cheery after your absence, knowing that the listeners must have missed you. Even then, Renjun can detect a note of artificiality in your voice, almost as if you’re deliberately trying to present yourself that way. Maybe you’re still feeling sick, he thinks, and feels a pang of guilt for hounding you with his messages. However, he already has medicine in his bag, and a heat pack for you later, just to make sure you recover as quickly as possible.

You’re less talkative than usual today, giving short replies outside of the programme itself. Renjun tries not to let it unnerve him, but he’s not sure how to reach out to you.

“Renjun, can you read the next letter, please?” You ask cheerfully, the way your emotions switch up from lethargic to energetic becoming rather disarming to him. “Oh yes, of course,” he says, panicking slightly as he fumbles with his script, lost in thought.

Dear Ren-D and Y/N-D,

Hello! I’m not sure if you can call me a regular listener, but I’m very familiar with this program. I wrote this letter because of a very big dilemma I have. I think I have feelings for a good friend of mine, who also happens to be a colleague. But confessing might make our relationship awkward, and I don’t want to ruin it for us. At the same time, my feelings are so strong that I don’t know what to do with them.

“This is from user caramelmacchiato,” Renjun adds at the end, and you’re awfully silent as he looks at you, waiting to see if you’ll reply first. When you don’t speak after a while, he decides to go first.

“I think you should go for it,” he encourages, and the only thing he hears from you is a sharp inhale, causing Renjun to furrow his brows in concern.

“Often, we don’t have control over what we feel, or the people we like. I think it’s better to confess first. If he’s really someone you like that much, I’m sure he’s a good person who will understand your emotions, and the friendship won’t break apart that easily,” he continues, and you’re staring at Renjun now, a stricken expression on your face.

“And…for all you know, user caramelmacchiato, your friend just might like you back too.” Renjun’s mouth tilts up in a grin as he says it, his heart fluttering strangely for some reason. It definitely doesn’t help that your gaze is riveted on him, and Renjun runs a hand through his hair self-consciously. You’ve always made him nervous, even if you’ve known him for more than a year.

He quickly remembers that the both of you are on live broadcast, however, Seulgi and Jeno still watching. “Y/N?” he asks, and you shake your head as if clearing your mind from a fog.

“Oh, yes. Good luck, um…user caramelmacchiato.” Your voice is slightly high-pitched and squeaky, and it’s obvious you’re nervous, though Renjun can’t think of a reason why.

“As the night comes to a close, we have one last song for you. This is Fall in Love Alone by Stacey Ryan. Goodnight everyone!” You successfully bring the programme to a finale, and Jeno ends the broadcast.

Renjun’s quick to grab his things and make his way over to you, but you’re two steps ahead of him, almost jumping out of your chair once the microphone is off. He stares at you from where he is, and sees the same confused expression on Seulgi’s face. It’s unlike you to simply just up and leave, especially when Renjun is the one sending you home. And he doubts you have plans after midnight.

When he enters the hallway, there’s no sign of you, and Renjun worries his lip in frustration. He’s not stupid. There must be something wrong, somewhere. He thinks back to each of his interactions with you over the past week, picking each of them apart moment by moment in his brain.

The both of you had called to discuss the live broadcast four days ago, and ended up watching a movie together. And then it was the broadcast itself, where he sent you home afterwards. Where he had been so close to saying something that was on the tip of his tongue, but didn’t.

The next two days, you had disappeared without contact while you were sick.

There had to be something he was missing.

Maybe Saturday? But nothing happened other than the morning meeting. When the both of you had gotten breakfast after you bought him a matcha latte and got yourself a…

“Oh God,” he mutters to himself, the puzzle pieces falling into place. It’s not an entirely plausible idea, and Renjun’s pretty sure he’s making connections based on pure gut feeling. Still, it’s too much of a coincidence. Or maybe it isn’t. The way you’re acting, the song that you chose today to finish the broadcast, they fill Renjun’s heart with just the tiniest bit of hope.

He really has to find you now.

Renjun’s grateful he wore his better pair of sneakers today as he rushes out of the building, eyes scanning the place for your familiar figure.

It’s almost a solid five minutes of his heartbeat thundering in his ears until he spots you, walking in the direction of the intersection, and then he’s running.

Renjun reaches you right as the light turns green, grabbing your hand and causing you to spin around in shock. You’ve got your headphones on, and the sudden disturbance leaves your eyes wide in shock. You don’t even resist as Renjun drags you to a bench, motioning for you to sit next to him.

You guessed he would ask about your odd behaviour eventually. You just didn’t expect it to be so soon. The area is deserted except for the both of you, and Renjun’s still slightly out of breath as he sits next to you.

You don’t dare to look at him. It’s a cloudless day today, and you can see clearly even though there’s barely any lighting, thanks to the moon.

“Well, I’m sure you have something to say-” you start, but you’re quickly cut off by Renjun.

“User caramelmacchiato. That’s you, isn’t it?” His question causes your heart to stutter to a stop, and you’re hoping you heard him wrong. Still, the resounding silence tells you that you heard him exactly.

Honestly, you should probably have picked a better username. You’re kicking yourself for it now, realising you overlooked Renjun’s natural knack for observation. Your silence makes it obvious that he’s right, and the boy next to you lets out a soft sigh, causing your heart to fall slightly.

Your posture is tense, already prepared for the sting of inevitable rejection. “It’s okay if you don’t like me, Renjun, really, I’ll be fine-” you’re cut off by his palm over your mouth, and you stare at him incredulously. Renjun, for his part, looks frustrated, forehead scrunched as he turns to face you.

“Will you let me speak for one second?” He says exasperatedly, and you nod.

“I was right about the friend. He likes you back too,” Renjun mutters, and you stare at him for a few seconds too long before the words sink in. You push his hand away roughly, your lips falling open into an expression of shock.

“What?” Renjun shrugs at the disbelief on your face. “Is it that hard to believe?”

“No, it’s just that the both of us-” You’re quickly silenced again, but this time, instead of his hand, Renjun’s lips are on yours. He’s kissing you, and you’re frozen, eyes wide.

Renjun fills with alarm when you’re unresponsive, and he’s wondering if he’s made a terrible, terrible mistake. He’s just about to pull away, when there’s a tug on his hoodie. You’re kissing him back, and he can hear nothing but his heartbeat.

Renju’s not one for physical affection, but he thinks he might be dreaming. You’re definitely topping the list of people he doesn’t mind being touchy with, and he might just seek it out himself.

It seems like too soon when you finally pull away, but Renjun doesn’t mind. After all, he’s hoping that the both of you have plenty of time, to do….whatever this is. There’s still a tiny part of him, however, that fears the thought of you realising this was a mistake and running away.

That fear quickly disappears when you break out into the most radiant smile Renjun has ever seen, causing him to let out an exhale of relief, and you burst out in giggles at his expression. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m just happy,” you confess, and Renjun’s heart feels so full, so light, as you lean against him.

“I think I liked you the first day you walked into our office. I was just too much of a coward to consider even dating a colleague,” you continue, and Renjun lets a fond smile make its way onto his face.

“If you’re a coward, then I’m an idiot for not realising sooner. Will you let me send you home now?” At your soft nod, Renjun extends a hand out to you, relishing the feeling of your smaller palm in his.

It may have taken a year of waiting, confusion, and a whole lot of running, but Renjun finally has you, and he’s never going to let you go, not if you’ll have him.

“Ren-D, some of our readers are asking about your first love. Do you have any fun stories to share?”

There’s a teasing lilt to your voice, and the only thing preventing Renjun from rolling his eyes is the fact that the camera is currently panned to him.

“No fun stories, unfortunately, but I do have a reader’s letter to share.”

“Oh?”

Renjun clears his throat, feeling strangely nervous.

Dear Y/N-D and Ren-D,

Yesterday, I finally found the courage to chase after someone that I liked, and looking back, I think they might be my first love. I didn’t realise it until they confessed to me first, but I found myself missing their presence unconsciously when they were gone. I think many of us don’t realize how precious someone is until they’re no longer there. Hence, to all the fellow listeners here, I hope that you’ll live without regrets, and bravely chase your first love no matter what!

“Oh,” you exhale softly, eyes wide. The letter was strangely sentimental, heavy for a program such as yours. You can see the comments flowing in, and you’re sure many of them feel the same as you now.

“This person is really good with words,” you comment, and Renjun huffs a laugh, almost like he’s hiding a secret.

“This is from user matchalatte,” he says, and you nod absentmindedly in response, before you freeze, head whipping to look at him. The corners of his mouth are tilted up in a smirk, and you’re staring at him, before realising that the cameras are now panned to the both of you.

There’s heat rushing to your cheeks now, realising that you know who exactly user matchalatte is. Of course it’s him. Only Renjun would think of returning the gesture, just to see your reaction on broadcast.

“Um.” You’re not yet able to formulate words to respond, even though you know that Seulgi and Jeno are likely in the other room watching you both, along with tens of thousands of listeners. Renjun lets out a soft laugh at your starstruck expression, and it causes your heart to skip a beat at his happy expression.

“The next song we have for everyone is Je T’aime by Joy. We’ll be back after the break!” Renjun smoothly takes over your line while you’re still distracted, and embarrassingly enough, it makes you melt even more.

The gentle notes of the starting piano play are audible throughout the studio, and you jolt with familiarity, eyes meeting Renjun’s. You had added this to his playlist while the both of you were drafting the program schedule, and even though he had been ambivalent to the song at first, you found the album sitting on your desk a week later.

Honestly, you should have realised it sooner. That he was the one you wanted to have morning coffee runs and midnight drives with. The person whose playlists you would listen to and whose favourite songs you would save.

Je t’aime. It’s an expression of love, but you don’t think all the languages in the world are enough to describe the way you feel with Renjun. He makes you feel like you’re floating, but at the same time the one who’s grounding you, a tethering force that makes you feel safe.

There’s a consistency to the way Renjun cares for you, the way he makes a space for himself so easily in your life that he feels like home. Having his love has already become a force of habit, one that you never want to break.

The beeping of the timer reminds you that the advertisement break is up, and you’ve managed to regain some semblance of composure externally, even though there’s still a light pink dusting your cheeks.

“Welcome back to Love.fm with Ren-D and Y/N! Today’s a chilly Friday evening, so let us accompany you into the weekend. Send in any romantic worries you have, and we’ll answer each and every one of them,” you start, and narrowly avoid stuttering when a hand encapsulates yours under the desk. You flash a warning glance at Renjun despite your previous nervousness, but the boy simply has a smug grin on his face.

Still, despite his teasing, you’ll gladly give anything to live in these moments forever, him next to you with his headphones on and script in hand.

Stay by my side like a delicate scent I guess I love you, I'm in love I hope this pleasant feeling will never change

[lee-aveyourmark]

pov: you're doing grocery shopping with nct dream

∘.∙°. masterlist Warnings: mentions of food and eating; physical affection - hugs, kisses, everything to make you cringe

mark Constantly brings up the other Dreamies when finding foods that remind him of them. It's sweet to see how much he cares for them, but when he's stopping every 30 seconds to give a backstory for an item that catches his eye, it's not hard for your pout to come out. Will shut himself up and exert some self-control when he notices your furrowed eyebrows. Nevertheless, you two still end up buying some snacks for the other Dreamies. Likes to share one side of his wireless earphones with you. However, you begin to walk ahead once he's turned up the volume and started grooving to the beat a little too passionately. Your calls for him to stop fall upon deaf ears, and it takes a light pinch to the nape of his neck to remind him that he's at the supermarket with grannies watching him busting moves. Some shopping trips are confidence builders for Mark as you encourage him to avoid premade meals and buy fresh produce to cook with. Giggles and hugs you tightly when you concede to buying more eggs than normal so that he can practice his sunny side up's. Takes pics of you two in front of the safety mirrors and develops an album on his phone from the number of similar photos.

renjun Sings to himself while shopping, and also harmonises along to whatever you're singing without knowing that he's doing so. Spends a considerable amount of time debating different options for each item. Maybe a little too much time, because by the time you've reached the seventh item on your shopping list, you're yawning and thinking about your cosy bed. Is not afraid to ask workers where certain things are. Is also drawn to demonstrations of new kitchen appliances more than food samples. Often ends up overbuying, either because he overestimated the amount needed or because there were many dishes that he wanted to try making but they all called for different ingredients in small amounts. Gets deeply offended when you ask some stranger for help in grabbing something from the top shelf. Literally scoffs to himself, rolls his eyes, places his hands on his hips and glares at you and the stranger from afar. Gives you the silent treatment for two minutes before breaking because he forgot what was the next item on the shopping list which was in your possession. Also breaks when you slide your hand into his and do not let go even when he tries to walk in the other direction.

jeno Judges everything in consideration in reference to Jaemin. Choosing what cut of meat to get? Jeno thinks Jaemin said that this cut was best for its price point. Not sure what brand of matcha powder to buy? Jaemin mentioned one time that this certain brand has a really nice kick, so you should probably get that. Scratches the back of his neck when you put the chosen matcha powder back with an adamant shake of your head, reminding the samoyed that this Jaemin is also the same Jaemin who drinks coffee with six shots of espresso. Most of your shopping trips are done after 11am because Jeno just... loves sleep. If it's before midday, he's shuffling down the aisles in slides and slight bedhead that he tries to cover up with a hood. He's also still bleary-eyed and stifles a yawn while tugging on your sleeve to help him navigate through the store without bumping into anything. Becomes more awake once he munches on some samples. Pushes the cart leisurely with one arm and holds your hand with the other, gently stroking your knuckles. Sneaks candids of you picking things off the shelves and comparing items. Seeing you bite your lip in deep thought makes him want to kiss you so bad, but he'll wait until you're alone. He'll also save the pics for later when he misses you and needs a reminder of home.

haechan Takes turns pushing the cart, but sometimes he'll have a mind of his own and force you to push it against your will while he runs off. There's a 50-50 chance of him making a small toddler cry by smiling at them. Will always opt for the spiciest option there is, and argues that it's the right choice. Tries to convince you by reasoning that you should just learn to eat spicier or dilute your portion with water. When threatening to break up with him because of his stubbornness, he reluctantly swaps for one spice level below and then two upon catching your glare. Picks a random item off the shelf every 5 minutes and makes a cheesy pun about it to flirt with you. More often than not, you just shake your head and continue walking down the aisle with a smile. Suddenly stops you and grabs your face with his hands, staring at you intensely for a brief moment before leaning in with puckered lips. The whine he lets out after you push him away attracts the attention of everyone in the aisle. The only way to get out of the spotlight is to give him a quick peck which turns his whines into a squeal of satisfaction. Proceeds to cuddle his head into your neck while browsing the next two aisles, only retracting when you complain that you can't feel your shoulder anymore.

jaemin Every shopping trip is also a date. This man will convince you to wear a couple's article of clothing to receive coos from elderly women. Will also feed you all the samples there are to offer before trying them himself. Falls head over heels for you for the 138th time when your eyes light up and eyebrows raise in delight at how tasty a sample is. Proceeds to buy half the store's stock of that item. Then, he falls for the 139th time when you push the shopping cart with him, fawning over how cute your hands look next to his. He slips one hand between the space of your two so that your arms are intertwined, before adorning the biggest grin on his face when you link his arm with yours and rest your head on his shoulder. Will buy the ingredients for whatever dish you wanna eat later that day because he's self-assured that he can make the dish. Whenever he lets you pick out groceries, he'll never oppose your selections that go against his personal preference. Instead, he'll try to appreciate your selections or help you fix the dish's taste if your choice turns out to be unfortunate. Peppers your face with kisses once you two return to the car because he found all of your shopping mannerisms adorable, and holds your hand while driving back home.

chenle Probably the only member who'd do groceries in the actual morning. Because Chenle knows what he's looking for, grocery trips average around 30 minutes. That's including time for you to browse and select snacks that weren't originally included on the shopping list. Will go on a rampage and nonstop brag about you when an old lady comments on how sweet your relationship is. Has such a soft spot for the elderly and for children to the point of paying for their groceries if there's a cute family or a lonely grandpa waiting in line behind you two. Also likes to act as your sugar daddy, nonchalantly allowing you to toss two tubs of the most expensive brand of ice cream that the store has to offer into the shopping cart. Shares his music with you, but doesn't seem to be bothered with you listening when he accepts a call and starts talking with a cousin. Continues shopping after the call ends as if nothing happened, asking for input about certain grocery items. Bursts into laughter when he sees you standing stock still with awkwardness written all across your face, your cheeks as red as the bunch of tomatoes in his hand. Can't stop cooing you because of how cute your face was, and soothes you by buying your favourite drink from the cafe next door to the grocery store.

jisung Snacks, snacks and more snacks. 90% of the time Jisung asks you to go to the grocery store with him, it's because he's looking for snacks. Careful but confident when choosing snacks. However, ask him one question about buying actual groceries, and he'll spiral into a deep internal conflicting monologue about the 10 different brands of the one item you're looking for. Nevertheless, you let him and his snack connoisseur antics be because most of the time, his selections turn out to be pretty good. Pops along to whatever song the grocery store is playing, even if it's some old trot tune. Falls behind when stumbling upon a childhood ice cream, proceeding to become lost. Has to roam all the aisles twice before finding you. You're extremely confused when he approaches you with tears in his eyes and hugs your shoulders tightly. Shyly waves to all the toddlers who stare up at him in awe in passing, reaching out with a blush when he misinterprets the child's extended hand for a high-five. Uses his massive hands to bring the groceries to and from the car, and feels proud of himself when he only needs one trip to haul them out.

[boba-at-323]

Family First

Note : Food mentions! || The reader is pregnant, so if you're uncomfortable with such genres, I recommend not reading this || though omg why have I even written this when its one of my biggest fears

You woke up to a weary feeling, one a little more tired than usual. As your pregnancy progressed, your growing belly made it difficult to get comfortable at night. In fact, it was hard to even get a good night’s sleep with the baby moving around so much.

As the sunlight entered your bedroom through the spaces in the blinds, you shuffled around trying to find your husband. However, his usual spot next to you was empty. Disappointed, you tried to sit up still wondering where on earth could your husband have gone so early.

After a while of reluctantly convincing yourself to get out of bed, you decided to freshen up to start the day. With a little stretch, you left your bedroom.

To your surprise, you were greeted by the smell of waffles and eggs wafting through the air, along with the strong aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Despite being nauseous, your empty stomach was practically pulling you towards the source of the smell.

"Good morning, beautiful," Renjun said, once he saw you entering the kitchen.

Renjun's little compliment made all of your tiredness melt away. You couldn't help but smile, feeling lucky to have such a sweet and caring husband.

"Good morning," you replied, rubbing your eyes, “What’s all this?”

“Oh nothing much,” Renjun shrugged it off as if it was nothing, a smile resting on his face.

He made his way towards you, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. He then pulled out a chair for you on the dining table and helped you sit down.

He disappeared into the kitchen again, only to come back with a tray full of the dishes he had been preparing. When he started serving you, you found out that Renjun had even prepared a plate of fresh fruit and a glass of orange juice for you, knowing that you needed all the vitamins you could get, both for you and his baby. Once he was done, he seated himself on the chair next to you.

As you ate, Renjun couldn't help but marvel at your beauty, even in the early hours of the morning. When he found out that he was soon going to be a father, he had put all his heart into finding resources and reading articles on various topics related to pregnancy and parenthood. He had also read somewhere that when someone was expecting, they usually didn’t feel so great about themselves and their appearances. So keeping that in mind, Renjun made sure to compliment his beautiful and amazing wife every now and then, just so she felt confident about herself.

You weren’t even halfway through your food when your baby started moving around again. You let out a small groan and looked down at your belly. Noticing what was going on, Renjun chuckled and placed a hand on your belly, feeling the baby kicking inside.

"Hey there, little one," Renjun cooed softly, "Are you hungry too?"

"I think so," you laughed as you placed a hand over your husband’s, feeling the warmth of his hand, "But not as hungry as your wife over here."

Renjun grinned, giving you a playful nudge. "Hey now, I made sure to cook you a big breakfast."

You leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, feeling grateful for his thoughtfulness and support. You wondered what you would have done if you didn’t have him beside you. Even since your pregnancy, he became the greatest source of comfort for you. Every little gesture of his was full of love, and you knew that he was trying his best to be the perfect husband as well as the perfect father for his little one. Just the thought of how he had become even more caring brought tears to your eyes.

"Thank you Renjun," you continued, looking at him with glossy eyes "You know, I never thought I'd be one of those women who gets emotional during pregnancy. But every little thing seems to make me tear up these days."

"It's the hormones, love," he said, bringing his other hand to your cheek "They mess with your emotions. But don't worry, I'll be here to wipe away your tears."

“Cheesy…” you laughed light heartedly at his response, “But I’d love that.”

“I love you so much.” Renjun smiled back at you, feeling his heart swell with love.

As if on cue, you felt the baby kick again, causing both you and Renjun bursting into a fit of giggles.

“Looks like someone is jealous.” you addressed your belly, continuing to rub circles over it.

“Don’t worry, baby, I love you a lot too. Go easy on your mom, will you?” He scolded playfully, never letting your smile fade away.

Both you and your child meant the whole world to him, becoming his top priority. He knew that he was about to embark on a new chapter of his life as a parent, but he was ready to face any challenge that came in his way as long as he had you by his side.

Title : Family First || Word count: 844 || Genre: FLUFF || Pairing: husband! Renjun x wife!Reader || GUESS WHOSE POSTING AGAIN ???

[tddyhyck]

*cartwheels into ur askbox* BLUEEEEEE HOW ARE UUUUU!!!!!

clearly u are talking to urself because u (🫵 YOU!!!) are precious.

u are so right, every song is beautiful and has a different vibe. i didn’t expect to like smoothie in its entirety at first, i liked the vocal parts but the smoothie, smoothie, smoothie chanting in the chorus was unexpected and i was NOT put on this planet to maintain eye contact with lee jeno (or anyone actually…) while he looks into the camera and i was CERTAINLY NOT put on this planet to have na jaemin talk in my ear jkhksjsa but it grew on me afterwards. i cried when i listened to icantfeelanything and unknown on 2 separate nights so maybe i’ll pick those 2 for my favourites… i rlly liked breathing too, but unknown kinda wiped my mind clean. how about u?? i’m not even talking about the performances because they’re *insane*. i just think jaemin would look nice leaning over someone on a table u know… 😞 i remember being so lost when i first saw him holding a sword like jaemin honey why do u have a sword in a song with fruits. then i saw him fighting the fruits and suddenly it all made sense 🙇 (can i just say i found the bubbling sound at the start of second verse so weird on the first listen, before it grew on me? it’s such a funny lil sound, it adds so much character to the song 🫶)

what u said abt jeno is so sweet i will simply cry till the end of time. “he’s very yes to me” such a valid assessment.

ajhdehjgajha ok well u see i don’t remember much about the day… just that i was living life and suddenly had renjun on the mind. specifically dom renjun staring someone down when they’re bratting, and i had a moment like oh, that’s a Thought. (i’m not even much of a brat, where did that come from?) coupled with dumbification 😅 n u’re right the purple looks so pretty on him!!!

all these renjun thoughts of urs ended all of MY thoughts ever. i am WEAK. please always keep getting carried away because i don’t know how to tell u how much i liked everything u said here omfg. (i might take another 100 words to express my feelings and that would be such a shame…) i think i recently stumbled across something to do with rope play (the past couple days have been tiring and i can’t remember much of anything) nd omgg i was gonna bring it up with u cus,, u know how they sometimes tie it in a way that there’s a knot right over,,, anyway 😵‍💫 so glad to see that u mentioned rope here because now i’m going to Think. hah, time to stop thinking.

panty stuffing is that one insane guilty pleasure that i never see enough of and i’m ALWAYS blindsided whenever it comes up anywhere. (is it cursed if i’m thinking of that with our precious kink because of which we started talking…? i promise i don’t have a one track mind 🫶)

gah, how many times do i tell u, U’RE THE SWEET ONE 😭🥺💞🥳 i’m glad u’ve been good 🥰 small font because i didn’t want to clog up ur (or anyone else’s) screen, let me know if u’d rather it stay big haha. i always talk too much but i don’t quite wish to stop 😔 (unless of course u ask me to 😂❤️) sending u another ask wait—

~🪄

OMG did u see the recording video for smoothie 😵‍💫😵‍💫 jaemin all up in my ear and i’m okay with it 🤭 all the songs are so good i can’t stop listening i have unknown and icantfeelanything on my heavy rotation playlist they’re TOO GOOD (chefs kiss) LMFAO jaemin needs to lean over you at the table just saying ¯\_(ツ)_/ jaemin is our fruity fighter protecting us all and making us get our vitamins

renjun + dumbification oh i am SO here for that,, that would change my mind real quick,,, i feel like he would be so good at that too like just fucking you into oblivion,, no thoughts head empty and he’s just taunting and teasing the entire time like “are you sure you can take it?” “you were begging for this earlier” 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

i think renjun is def tying ropes over ur cunt like sry he is ,,, i think he would tie it like idk how to explain this but two pieces on your cunt and then tie the ropes so your legs are spread,,, and he’d talk about how pretty the ropes look against your skin but he can’t wait to see the pattern afterwards 😵‍💫😵‍💫

i think panty stuffing should be the norm i don’t make the rules but i will enforce them 🤭🤭 ALSO AGREE

omg you changed the font size how do u even do that LOL i’m good either way and ALWAYS chat with me i love it 🤭🤭

[locallixie]

all shades of purple — renjun

✦ genre ; romance, mature, angst, royal au, prince!renjun x childhood friend!reader, servant!reader, first kiss, childhood friends-to-lovers, forbidden love, gn!reader.

✦ warnings ; major character deaths, misconduct, minor language, violence, very small suggestive actions.

✦ word count ; 5.3k

Your tears flowed heavily as you withdrew a whimper, knees scratched by the rigid earth ground. The son of the great King Huang, Huang Renjun, enveloped your figure in his. He listened quietly to your painful sobs, not sure of what he could possibly do to cheer you up.

“Your father despises me.” You stated strongly. You always known his father hated you with such passion. From giving you harsh punishments for so little things, to the unreasonable mental trauma that vile man put you through. You were too young to be capable of comprehending treatments at this level, you were just a naive and innocent child. You simply wanted to have fun with your dearly beloved friend, why should you be punished for that?

Renjun draped his cape over your shoulders, he cried alongside you as if he felt your tragedy, as if himself was hurt. The words weren’t coming to him with ease, there was nothing he could thought of to comfort you.

You let out a dragging sigh, “Maybe…Maybe he’s right, we should refrain from meeting each other.” Another tear slipped down your stained cheeks, “It’s for the best, my sweet Prince.” You said, expressing the disappointment through your voice.

Renjun exclaimed, “No, not like this! I order you to stay by my side forever, you are not to leave by your own will!” He wept, his tears dripped and dropped on your frail and bruised legs. He adored you with all his heart, though you were unheeded of. It cruelly pained him to see you at such distress. Your tears, which he would wipe them off your charming face. Your wounds, which he would tend them with the greatest gentleness. You, whom he would only shared all the most love and admiration.

Your bruises ached a deep violet, stared at your legs with vivid memories of the ill treatments you endured. Renjun has brought you to his chamber, or more like snuck you there. The guard was patrolling the elongated hallways of the Huang palace, armed with sharp bladed swords and the intimidation.

“You are must to stay hushed, or they’ll kill you if they find your presence.” Renjun told, putting a finger to his lips. Although, you and him were both children, it just seem as if Renjun were fully aware and much mature for his age. He knew his mother and father’s years worth union was falling apart despite how badly they tried to conceal it. The false looks on his father’s face revealed the whole story without a say. When they fought, the crying and the screaming echoed throughout these sorrowful halls. Even when they made love, the satisfaction that supposed to be in their voices lowered its own volume.

Why save something, when it’s already dead? Hopeless, simply nothing when it has ended. He accepted that his once perfect, buoyant family was no more.

You hissed as the freezing ice touched your skin. Ice wrapped inside a thin handkerchief, the one embroidered with the Prince’s initials on its surface, made with only the finest silk in the whole kingdom. How could he let it meet an inferior like yourself? In its prettiest shade of lilac, gracefully leaned against your darkened bruises.

“I loathe my father for doing things as this matter, he have no rights of hurting you without any rational reasons.” Renjun affirmed.

You gazed upon the vintage clock on his wall, it showed exactly seven o’clock. “My sweet Prince, I must take my leave now.” You stood up, about to make your exit. A hand held you back, tugged by your sleeve. The prince looked at you with glossy eyes, like pleading for you to remain at where you were now.

Renjun requested, “Could you stay here with me? Please, just tonight.”

Your answer got interrupted by the door slamming with strength, the guards and his highness barged in. You ran toward the window, the way down weren’t like shallow waters, would you still risk it? Yes, you stepped onto the wooden frame, you’d fly like a bird with broken wings. Before your feet could leap into the dusk air, your breath caught in your throat as you gasped. You pulled on your shirt collar to get it away from your windpipe, yet, the one behind hauled back.

“Father, let [Y/N] go! What is your explanation for acting in this repugnant manner?!” Renjun accosted, wrath slowly seeping through his veins. He was angry, no, furious at his father. He thought he hid you well, still, his arsehole of a father found out about you two in your most vulnerable states.

A sting spreading across his cheek, so sudden that a reaction never came. Renjun held his cheek, unable to shed a tear even if he wanted. “How dare you speak to me like that?! And how dare you defend for that subservient thing?! You are an embarrassment to us all!” The King replied, just as angered as him.

“From now on, I am detaching ‘that’ out of your life!” He pointed at you, eyes glued to his son. “For I to still walked this realm, I forbid you to ever meet your little ‘playmate’.”

Renjun’s eyes brimmed with hurt, “You are unbelievable! A monstrous being, dare I say! I’ll detest you till the end of time!”

The King stated confidently, “Do as you please, but I won’t let you dirty the Huang dynasty!” By the higher up’s order, the troop of armoured guards dragged you out. Renjun ran to stop them but was pushed away by his father. He called out your name, devastated from his inability to do anything to help. He reached out for you, you did the same, no use. You saw his wailing face one last time before his Prince’s chamber door shut closed, forever.

You were sent away for a lack of a better justification, to where was still unknown to you. Your parents was long dead, you had only Renjun and your job as a sole pathetic domestic worker to rely on. A miserable life as a slave to most, but a memorable life as a friend to solely the Prince.

You worked in the palace as a slave for the majority of your younger years, cleaning and cooking for much higher class people. You were tossed around at first, then settled once you were bought as service for the royal family. That was when you met him, the nicely dressed boy that gave you the kindest smile. He would thank you every time you finished cleaning his chamber, he would give you newly bloomed flowers in the loveliest hue of purple, he would sneak delicious food in for you to feast on. You were his age, therefore, you bonded well together.

You were so close, yet, so far. He was royalty, and you were a common servant. Your difference in statuses was unacceptable for society, an absolute taboo. You heard from some that the prince was bound to be wed with one of nobility, that was what he deserved, or may be even more. Someone whose bonny and wise, someone with gold and crystals overflowing their pockets, someone who the world deemed to be of high value.

At present, you began working for the noble Zhong in a faraway land. No news of the wondrous Prince Huang reached your ears, for a long long time, you heard not a thing of your once called friend. Lucky you, the Zhong were of nice people. They treated you like an actual human being, though, a lowlife no one would consider. Everyday you spent your time running errands on errands, around the village, inside the Zhong’s residence. Quietly completing each tasks without a single word, all you needed now was some time to process and heal.

“I must say, you are quite diligent. For one to be so immersed in simple labour works, one would be hard to find.” The second son of the noble Zhong, Zhong Chenle, spoke to you as you hanged their lavish coats.

The sun shone brightly, the summer breeze washed through. “It is not anything admirable, master Chenle. I was trained all these years to do such jobs.” You replied, bowing to him for the rare compliment.

“I see.” Chenle nodded. “You used to work for the royalty, is that true?” He opened up another topic, a door to look into your past.

As the memories flashed through your mind, “Yes. I did, only for a short period.” You answered. Grabbing another silk coat from the wooden pail, stretching it out on the clothing line. Each drops of pure water carried sunlight in its pellucid body, slowly but steadily dripping down the nicely groomed deck.

“What made you leave?” He asked, fanning himself with his hand fan made of paper. He gazed at the clear sky above, anticipating for your response.

You paused, as for yourself to have not figured out yet. Turning back to look at the aristocrat, “I don’t have an answer that will satisfy your wonder, master Chenle.” You picked up the pail below you, “Forgive me, I must get back to work now.” Without another sentence, you walked away.

Every day was the same, as if nothing here ever change. You get up at the crack of dawn, go out to by fresh produce and premium meats in the village’s market area, cook breakfast, take care of the garden, wash filthy laundry, and there went your entire morning. By noon, you would be eating lunch with the other servants in a small shed near the residence. When twilight visit, gathering the once wet laundry from earlier that day, serve the Zhong their dinner, and a day is finished.

You days may be dull and repetitive, but at least you were happy being far off from the place that brought you great suffering.

However, your fortune soon began to turn out of the blue. Lady Zhong gifted you the most elegant robe, made of fully pale white silk and painted with orchids in a faded tint of lavender. You denied, as you were too humble to accept the exquisite gift. Yet, she insisted with a tender smile. This didn’t felt right, there must be something hidden behind her offering to you. Your suspicion was proven to be correct, you no longer have to be up at a stupidly early hour, or having to ruin your hands with physical and hefty work, you were given the chance to be alongside the noble Zhong.

A young maiden servant was called to help you get into your new living space—a very big upgrade from the shed you used to slumber in. She assisted you with your new attire, the new routine you will be following, the new rules you will be using, and everything else you might questioned on.

“Lady and master Zhong really admire your industrious nature, your beauty and modesty as well. They ponder whether or not your heart was waiting for someone? For you to be so focus but so lifeless in your duties.” The maiden shared, she tied the piece of fabric that held your robe together.

You stared straight at your reflection in the mirror, the light in your eyes which disappeared hasn’t came back after almost a decade. You never notice how dreary you looked until now, your shell would show what your heart and mind couldn’t be. At ease, it was.

“I’m not waiting for anyone, not anymore that is.” You said, which piqued the girl’s interest.

She flattened out your clothing, “Is that so? Do you mind to tell me?”

“Well, I don’t remember much about him. But he had the most beautiful smile, and the kindest of hearts. He was the only person in the world that care about me, he made me feel as if my life worth more than just a pitiful slave. Our relationship was frown upon, therefore, I had to go.” Your eye released a single tear, thinking of your terrible upbringing and the one person that shone light through your darkness.

The maiden asked again, “The portrait you painted beneath the moon that night, was that him? I can’t help but think…He does bear a resemblance of the Huang Prince.”

The portrait in question, one you painted under the lustrous moonlight while you cried all your repressed emotions. Your throat that burned with harsh liquor sent you into a drunk daze, knees injured and bled due to the impact as you landed on the hard dirt ground. With an old piece of paper that had turned yellow, and a ruined brush once used by lady Zhong to apply her makeup, you began putting your sorrows onto paper.

Your blood, which you used for his lips. The dirt, which you used for his eyes and hair. The bush of lavenders, which you used for his costume. Your mind was hazy, nevertheless, the image of him was as vivid as yesterday.

“Yes, I did too.” You agreed, though you knew the truth of this mysterious gentleman your story told.

And so your life inside the noble Zhong’s residence carried on with ease. On special occasions, you accompanied the Zhong on their trip out to a distant land. You got to see all the hidden beauty of the world. Blooming nature that opened the spring period, golden sunlight that casted over the summer zephyrs, gentle autumn rain which was comforting to some, and the pre-rebirth deaths of what around us during a cold winter.

You were asked to be on their short-term journey once more, they didn’t even thought to tell you where the destination was. That wasn’t a big deal, your main purpose was to obey to orders given and only so. You sat another carriage separate from your masters, one that was specifically for servants. You and maybe two or three people were on the same ride, you didn't say much, only silence and infrequent glances to one another.

The carriage stopped finally after days of traveling, tired and starving. You walked right behind Zhong Chenle, holding the umbrella to shield him from the soaring sun above. The town here was crowded despite the unpleasant weather, people whose doing their jobs like you.

"Master Chenle, may I ask something?" You hesitated at first, however, the unfamiliarity yet nostalgia of this place was killing you. You needed an answer to your hard-to-explain feelings.

Chenle kept walking while talking to you, "Yes, what is it that you seek from me?"

"I simply wanted to know what place are we in at this moment?" You questioned, making sure you were always behind him. His back faced you, hands rested at.

He walked a little more, not wanting to answer yet. Letting out a little chuckle, "Don't be bluffing, you must know this place." Said Chenle. The nobleman continued, "Didn't you grew up here?" He turned his head to the side enough to see your tensed figure still following his every steps.

"I...I suppose, though, I haven't been here in a long while. I can't even remember what it used be back then." You commented.

Chenle fanned himself, “I can tell from your expression, [Y/N]. That a place once familiar now can no longer call a home to you, is it? Regardless, here seems like a wonderful place, do you agree?”

You nodded, “Of course, I can strongly admit.” Then added, "Though, it was much lovelier than what it is now. If only you can see the wonder it used to be."

Chenle laughed at your comment, "Wow, from your words solely, I could imagine how great your youth years was."

You just smiled, but that smile was as false as this place. At first, it seemed like a paradise, a place of pure euphoria. But hidden behind the image it built itself to appear, it was prolonged oppression. The justice system was absolutely ludicrous, complete nonsense and irrational. The major problem was the royal family that ruled over the entire country, the King wasn't the brightest to say the least.

As if you walked miles for hours and hours under this blazing sun, your legs was slowly falling apart by now. Your heart dropped once you realised where your destination rested. It was the palace, it was his place. An event was held inside, only aristocrats and high ranking members of social classes had an invitation of attendant. The noble Zhong was one of them, they were wealthy and well-respected by many. You, a common servant, was fortunate enough to be here walking alongside them.

You closed the umbrella as you entered into the core of the graceful Huang palace, everything might had changed but here was still the same as you remembered.

The chandelier was a statement piece, shinning its own light with thousands of bijou diamonds. Placed at the centre of the large banquet room, power like goddess Aphrodite that made everything blinding to the mortal eyes.

You stood behind Zhong Chenle, quietly being in the background since you were not and never will be an important face. You knew your faith was sealed, your purpose in life was to serve and only to serve. You knew, for a fact, nothing could save you even if you wish upon a dazzling star under the night sky. There was no stars, not one. Utter darkness with not a single light except for the moon's recurrences, the meaning of a light of hope was never a thing in your sky. And so the closest to it was this chandelier you were standing under.

The door that was farthest and up in great heights from the attending guests opened, and in walked the King in his all-mighty form. He took his seat on his throne, looking down on everyone else from all the way up there. Then came in the Queen, she too, sat down on the throne beside her spouse.

In your heart, even if you were opposed to it, were alway waiting for someone. You looked down, not wanting to see him once more. But curiosity of yours, were aching to see how much he changed all that times. Was he still the sweet and compassionate boy you used to know? You peeked your head, your eyes finding him up there.

And there he was, sitting at the other side of the King. He has grown, a lot. From a dream, he had now became a fantasy. You couldn't take your eyes off of him, even if you wanted to do so. Something was holding you back, everything all feel oh-so sentimental.

You let out a quiet yelp, turning your head away as soon as you could. He was looking at you, he was looking directly at you. You sneaked out in a discreet manner through another hidden door from the banquet room you were in. The advantage of working in the palace was that you knew every nooks-and-crannies, places that only a rare fews knew about. You walked down the long corridor, searching for an exit.

"Hah—!" You panicked and terrified as you felt someone suddenly pulling you away, their hand covered your mouth to silenced you.

They whispered to you, "Do not make a sound, they'll find us out," Releasing you from their firm grip but kept a hand around your wrist, "Come now." They led you away, stopping when you both were far enough that you couldn't hear any talking or people.

They pulled you inside another area, and closed the door behind them. As they turned to you, their face displayed displease. Moving closer and closer to you as you did the opposite of placing more and more distances between you and that person.

"Where had you been, [Y/N]? All this time, where I spent searching and missing you every day, every passing hour, every minutes and seconds of my life. Where in the world were you?" The Huang Prince questioned of your unanswered disappearance. Renjun furrowed his brows in anger, glaring at you with the most somber eyes you had never knew of.

You retorted, "That is none of your concerns, your highness."

Renjun returned back to you, "'Your highness'? You'd never call me that! What happened to 'my sweet Prince'? Did you killed it just like how you killed my heart?!" He still remembered the nickname you used to address him with, and he would alway preferred that over something formal as 'your highness' when it came to you. Hence, why he was so worked up over a childish sobriquet.

Clearly in shock, "I don't understand what you are talking about, your highness. This type of meeting is unacceptable, I must leave!" You announced. You needed to find another way to get out of this undesirable situation. Even worse when the sole escape-way to the outside was blocked by the Prince.

"Certainly not, not until we get to the end of this!" Renjun denied, a one-track mind he has.

You exclaimed, "There is nothing to solve for us, we're not kids anymore!" His face showed hurt and sorrow, the same expression as the last time you saw him before everything fell down upon you two. You wanted to cry, you wanted to cry until your eyes damped with tears and blood.

"Just answer me, where were you all these years?" He asked again, a tear slid down his flushed cheek.

You stared at him, feeling pitiful for the one before. "Forgetting you. Does that satisfy you, my sweet Prince?" He didn't say anything, though, his face alone spoke thousands. When you were away forgetting everything affiliated with him, he was hoping and missing you as times went by. His wish when he stood under the same sky as you was for you to return to him.

Renjun took your hand in his, placing a small piece of catmint flowers on your palm, "Wherever you may be tonight, come find me. Meet me at my chamber when you have spot the brightest star of the evening, you know the way, don't let the guard catch you." He closed your hand, the catmints hugged your fingers. Adding, "I'm ordering you to do so, I hope you won't disappoint me."

With that said, he opened the door for you to leave. You looked at him one more time, you wouldn't let him down, would you? You ran off, not turning back. Your day now ruined by the unforeseen encounter, how could he be upset at you for something that wasn't in your favour. You never wanted to leave him behind, but what else could you do back then? Children, you were, naive and unknown of the reality that stood before you.

You sat in the palace's garden, under a tree of wisteria. You opened your hand, where the piece of catmint laid on your palm. No one was here except you, which you liked it that way. You and Renjun alway went here as kids, every time you simply wanted to be alone together. You would sat on the grass and played with his soft hair as he sang a gentle melody. The better days which you were wishing for, if only you had a chance, just one, to relive happier memories with him.

Forgetting him, had you ever did? You would hate to be truthful with yourself. You did missed him, every single little moments of your life like Renjun did with his. The eventide began setting in, purple, magenta, orange washed through the crevices of the sky. It was your cue to get back to where you were supposed to be. You patted your backside to get rid of all the dirt that stuck to your clothing.

You took a breath, calming down your anxiety and these shameful feelings in your system. You reentered the banquet room as unnoticeable as possible. The guests were now feasting on appetising meals that you were never allowed to eat. You walked to where Chenle was, a person whom you trusted beside from the Prince.

"Oh, [Y/N], where have you been the entire day?" Chenle asked, in his hands was an empty plate made of china and had a golden rim. He picked his food from the table in front, he placed a poached egg on his plate. The warm orange of the yolk exuded out from its white coat as Chenle tore it opened with a fork.

You replied, "I apologise for my absence earlier today, I had to take care of certain things I can't disclose. I beg for your forgiveness, master Chenle."

He smiled, waving his hand up. "No, it's alright, your service wasn't needed much today anyway. You should fill your stomach, I'm sure you're probably starving, go now." You bowed a 'thank you' as Chenle sent you away. Despite being hungry, you didn't eat much. You sort of lost your appetite, the foods seemed amazing and tempting to the eyes and stomach, except to you.

You waited until the event ended, assisting your masters back to their resting place outside of the palace. Everyone was swallowed by slumber, tranquility filled the atmosphere. You sat on the wooden floor of the deck, staring at the deepest indigo sky above. When was the last time the evening sky looked this bewitching? You saw stars seeping through the never-ending darkness, they gleamed brightly like a burning flare.

You stood up, you found it. The star that shone the brightest from any others, it reflected its light on your eyes. You walked toward the palace, your order began here. It was not a big problem for you to slipped through the guards, you knew a way in that no one else did. You went around the back, through the garden, and infiltrated the palace itself from the east corridor. The Prince's chamber was at the seventh level, there was a separate staircase for servants that you could use to get higher.

Before his chamber, you hesitated. This was wrong of you, everything felt wrong. Should you? Should you not? Was it too late to turn back? Yes, you knocked on the door soft enough to not alert the guards.

"Come in." You heard, the other side echoed out to you. You peaked open the door and let yourself in. He asked you to lock the door after you came in, so you did as he said.

With his back still turned to you, standing by the window as he admired the view out there. "The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" Renjun said, the cold breeze flew through his hair.

"Yes, it always been." You responded.

He turned around, revealing himself. Even in his nightwear, Renjun looked blinding as the moon behind him. He sat down on his bed, patting the spot beside him for you to sit. Silence and tension upon the two of you, no words were exchanged. Renjun slowly wrapped his arms over your body, pulling you closer to him. You took a couple seconds to regain your composure, soon, you leaned into his touch like when you were a child. His embrace felt like home, it made your eyes watered.

Renjun cried with you, he too, was easily brought to tears whenever it came to you. "I won't let anything...Or anyone hurt you, you know that right?" He asked, wiping your tears away with his hand. He hugged you tight, he didn't want to let you go ever again. You meant so much to him, words could never tell the whole story. You were his, and he was yours.

"I've never felt this way about anyone." He cried against your bare neck, intertwining his fingers with yours. You rubbed his head, that gesture of yours alway calmed him down after a strong outburst of emotions. He held you wrists, stopping you. You were caught off guard, but shock didn't came like how you expected.

The Prince's hands held your wrist as his lips held yours, it felt velvety like flower petals. Your back hit the mattress when he pushed your body down. His hand made its way up your leg, continued to kiss you with all the scandalous feelings he has for you. He loved you for so long, what he held and hid in his heart and mind could never be explain.

Whenever you smiled, he would be stunned and unknown of what to do or how to react. Whenever you laced your fingers through each strands of his hair, he felt at ease, your touch could save him from everything terrible in this world. Whenever he saw you again, he felt like you just get prettier and prettier each time. Whenever he gifted you flowers, he alway thought beforehand wether or not you would like it.

Renjun asked, "Just tonight, will you stay here with me?" The Prince kissed your jaw, then down to your neck.

You let out a strained breath, your heart beating loudly that it rang out for him to hear. "I...I will, my sweet Prince." You answered, running your hands down his shoulders.

"Thank you, my love." He said. You moaned, his teeth sank into your skin. Tonight, he marked you as officially his. In this faithful evening, he took something precious from you, and you did as well. Your hearts beat the same rhythm, you and him became one.

During your short-term stay, you and him would secretly spend time together. The noble Zhong didn't suspect anything, they also sympathised with the fact that you missed your home, therefore, allowed you to enjoy yourself after literal years. Behind everyone's backs, you and the Huang Prince fooled around just like how it alway been back then. Euphoria, you were in. This was how you wanted your story to end, a happily ever after. Renjun and you living your lives like how it should had been.

You deserved more, the world didn't deserve you. It wanted you to suffer, it wanted you to cry, it wanted to take everything you had away from you. It was like reliving the trauma from that day your mind tried to forget, but now you were here face-to-face with it once again.

You stood on top of the window's wooden frame, the way down weren’t like shallow waters, would you still like to jump. This time, you hanged back. You were not to die, your order was to stay by his side forever. Renjun's tears poured from his eyes like waterfalls, he called out your name with desperation. The guards kept him back, far away from you. The King, whom held hatred for you in his heart, pointed his sword toward you.

"I'm sorry, my sweet Prince. I hope you'll forgive me in our next life." You fell backward, out of the window. As you fell into the abyss, your life flashed before your eyes. Every single moment and every thing you did led to here. When your next life came to bring you into its arms, it would hopefully bring you to him as well.

You felt arms around your figure, you felt like you were at home. And then you saw him, falling with you as he put you into his embrace. Holding so tight 'cause he was going to lose you once again. "If you fall, I'll be there to catch you, my love." Renjun spoke with the most loving tone you ever heard in the short span of your time living.

You fulfilled your order, to stay by his side forever. You and him landed in an endless field of purple tulips, the sun shone bright as ever. The ending was worth the sorrow and distress you both been through, the sun was just as beautiful as the moon.

[byunbaekby]

title: haven’t been caught pairing: badboy!haechan x goodgirl!reader word count: 1.7k genres: fluff, established relationship au, high school au, secret relationship warnings: mentions of weed, suggestiveness, one cuss word, not proofread additional: based on the song “good girls” by 5 seconds of summer. also, big thanks to @florence-cvrt​ for all their help <3

-

She's good at school, she's never truant She can speak French, I think she's fluent.

“Lee Donghyuck, if you don’t get your hand off my thigh right this instant, I will tell Mr. Qian to fail you.”

You bring a light slap down on his hand, which is threatening to slide up your skirt. Your boyfriend’s hand immediately leaves your leg, innocently tucking it back into his lap. When you turn to him, his pretty lips are spread into a fake virtuous smile and his long hair barely covers his entertained sparkling eyes. Still, he complains, “Wait until I tell the student body that their vice president is actually violent and manipulative.” 

He tsk’s as you show no reaction, instead flipping through the pages of the French textbook. “What would you tell them?” 

Donghyuck leans back in his desk chair where the two of you reside in an empty classroom, adjusting the collar of his leather jacket before running a hand through his hair. “That even though you walk around school smiling at everyone and kissing teachers’ asses, you love hitting your boyfriend and threatening him.”

“You, my boyfriend?” You laugh at him, eyes never leaving the book. “They’d never believe you.”

You’re right, because the school has no idea that you, the It Girl and vice president of the student body council, are dating Lee Donghyuck, the guy who smokes weed behind the school and always skips class for no important reason other than to entertain himself. How you even started dating is another story, but now your relationship is on the infinite downlow.

“You’re right,” he relents, but he’s obviously not given up yet as he leans closer to you. You try not to get swayed by the sudden infiltration of his scent, and continue scanning the pages of the French book. “They won’t. But it wouldn’t be a surprise. I mean, we’d be the hottest couple ever. So, maybe I should put a nice big hickey, right there on your pretty neck. Maybe then they’ll believe you’re not as innocent as you pretend to be,” teases your boyfriend, his voice dipping lower into dangerous territory. 

You roll your eyes. “Sure,” you respond sarcastically.

“If you say so.”

Before you know it, your boyfriend has leaned in to kiss you, lips inches away from yours. When you realize what he’s up to you put a hand up, so his lips meet your palm instead of their intended destination. “No.”

A whine leaves him, a stark juxtaposition from his dark appearance. “Why not?”

“Because it’s not appropriate.”

“Not appropriate?” he questions, crossing his leather covered arms across his chest. “You’re my girlfriend.”

A shake of your head tells him no, along with a teasing smirk upon your lips. “Not right now. Right now, I’m your French tutor. Now pay attention,” you tell him, gaze skimming the textbook page. 

“Fine,” he scoffs, leaning back in his chair. 

“Je suis allé au café et j'ai pris une tasse de café. Translate that for me.”

“That means,” he starts, rolling his neck back to stretch it out, looking less than interested in the lesson. “My boyfriend is so sexy and I wish he would kiss me right now.”

Your eyes narrow, and you shake your head. He speaks up again. “I was kidding, actually it means, Donghyuck, I love when you wear your leather jacket, it makes you look so sexy.” 

You lean forward, capturing your head in your hands in frustration. He just laughs. “Tu es une telle honte, pourquoi je sors avec toi,” you sigh out, exasperated. 

“Oh,” he hums, leaning forward to hold your hands instead. “Maybe that one means, My girlfriend is so beautiful and smart?” You look up at him, raising an eyebrow at his sudden attempt to appeal to you. “Because you are.”

You roll your eyes, a smile spreading over your lips. “Actually I was calling you a disgrace and wondering why I’m even dating you.”

“Not surprised,” he chuckles softly, but immediately closes the French textbook on the desk before the two of you. “Come on, you know I’m not good at this school thing. Mr. Qian already knew that when he asked you to tutor me. How about,” he tilts his head at you, about to put up an offer. “We ditch this tutoring session and go get some ice cream? On me.”

A purse of your lips tells him you’re considering it, and he adds, “If anything, I’m just studying more by being with a beautiful lady who speaks fluent French.” 

You chuckle, leaning forward with pursed lips. “Je t'aime.”

“That one I know,” he smiles as he presses a sweet kiss to your lips. “Love you too. Now let’s go,” he says, standing and pulling you along by the hand. 

'Cause every night she studies hard in her room At least that's what her parents assume But she sneaks out the window to meet with her boyfriend.

Carefully you climb down the side of the house, trying your best not to make any noise against the wall but also trying not to fall to your death. A sigh of relief leaves your lips as both your feet touch the solid ground.

“Going somewhere?”

Immediately you jump, eyes widened as you turn to meet the owner of the voice. “Donghyuck!” You hiss, voice still low. “I thought you were my dad!”

“Well, you can call me daddy too,” your boyfriend says as he approaches you to press a kiss on your cheek. The tip of his light chin stubble brushes on your skin as he does so. 

“Don’t even joke about that,” you roll your eyes, allowing him to slide an arm over your shoulder and walk you down the street to where he parked his car out of view from your house. “So, where are we going?” “A friend’s party. His name is Mark.”

A cautious eyebrow is raised by you. “Will anyone from school be there?”

He shakes his head in response, knowing you can’t be spotted together especially with you under his arm at a college party of course. You’ve got to protect your precious reputation. “Nah, he’s in college. There’s no way he’d let high schoolers in.”

“We’re high schoolers, silly.”

“Well, yeah,” he shrugs before turning and grinning sinfully at you. “But we’re cool.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” you tease as he releases you and unlocks his car.

She may be clever but she just acts too square 'Cause in the back of the room where nobody looks She'll be with her boyfriend, she's not reading books.

As you slide up onto your tiptoes, the feeling of your boyfriend pressing against you is much too present and you scoff. “Can you stop being a horndog and get this book for me?”

“Darling,” he chastises, reaching up to grab it easily above you. “That’s what I was doing.”

As he hands the book to you, you roll your eyes. “Sure, like you weren’t trying to rub up on me.” 

“Not at all,” responds Donghyuck, dark eyes glinting with mischief. You leave him behind as you turn into the next aisle, searching carefully for the next book you were looking for. As you get deeper into the library shelves, the light gets further away and the tall shelves begin to cast a shadow upon your hidden figures. “Why do you even wear your uniform, anyways? You know it’s not required by the school.” 

“Yeah,” you respond matter-of-factly. “But as the vice president I should adhere to the suggestions set by the administration. Clearly you don’t care,” you say, glancing over his usual outfit of ripped jeans (which definitely didn’t fit normal dress code anyways) and his trademark leather jacket over a white Adidas shirt. 

“Okay, but your president Huang Renjun is a lame virgin with a stick up his ass and even he doesn’t wear his uniform everyday,” retorts your boyfriend.

“More reason why I should have been president instead,” you respond, scanning over the back of a book sounding not at all petty.

“That’s because at the time, you were more focused on becoming my girlfriend than campaigning, you minx,” Donghyuck teases as you slide the book back into its place, unsatisfied with its synopsis. When you don’t respond, instead turning into yet another aisle, he follows you, fingers tugging slightly at your skirt. “That’s okay, I like the skirt anyways,” he says, his famous smirk over his lips as your mouth gapes and a flustered warmth slides up to your cheeks. “S’cute.”

She said to me, forget what you thought 'Cause good girls are bad girls that haven't been caught

“Oh my god, Y/N,” Donghyuck already starts as he approaches you in the front of the school, already losing his bad boy personality in the fear that you’d be upset at him. “I’m so sorry.”

The two of you had been caught making out in the bleachers by a few members of the football team after school yesterday. Okay, perhaps it wasn’t the most discreet of places but you swore they’d announced over the intercom that football practice was cancelled for the day! Unluckily, it seemed a few players still wanted to get some practice in. 

Surely, rumors flew in less than twenty-four hours. Y/N, with Donghyuck? No way. Impossible.

Yeah, that was what you thought too, until it happened. You fell for him, for all his rough edges and playful teasing. He doesn’t deserve to be hidden. 

The smile you give him must throw him off, because he blinks. He’s probably forgotten his pre-made apology; he knows how important your reputation is to him. In his silence, you speak up.

“I don’t want to hide anymore. Let’s,” you propose as you interlace your hands, surely feeling eyes on you already. “Show them what a hot couple looks like.” 

He blinks, eyes flying to your hands and it’s probably the first time you’ve seen the snarky Donghyuck speechless. He recovers smoothly, smirking and nodding. “Okay. Let’s blow them away.” 

“But if you fail your French test in third period, I will break up with you.”

A boisterous laugh leaves his lips as he kicks open the doors to the school hallway. “Noted.”

Before the two of you enter the hallway to expose your unlikely clandestine romance to everyone, you lean up and whisper in his ear. “Je t'aime.”

“I know what that means,” he smirks as he presses a proud kiss onto your temple, and takes a step inside. 

[sparklysung]

✨ADRENALINE RUSH PART II – n.j.m.✨

© sparklysung – 2021. all rights reserved. no reposts, modifications and/or translations allowed.

pairing – na jaemin x female!reader

genre – fluff, smut, angst | non-idol!au, school!au

warnings – good boy!soft dom!jaemin, bad girl!reader, heartbreak, penetration, unprotected sex (wrap your willies), creampie, dirty talk, pet names

word count – 4.731 words

summary – after leaving jaemin alone in the school’s library, there wasn’t only one heart broken.

note – it’s finally here! i hope it isn’t too bad, though, i don’t think i’m too good at writing stuff like this lmao. either way, enjoy! also, the gif isn’t mine, i found it on google, so credit to its owner! 

taglist – @junguwuuu , @prvncejxon, @iwishihadabettername, @carelessshootanonymous 

part i ; part ii

the next few days after you left jaemin all alone in the school’s library, you couldn’t help but feel bad for him.

you weren’t supposed to feel guilty, after all, that’s what you usually did; hookup with guys you found attractive and then never reach out for them again, pretending to not know them. and you have never had a problem with it before, you never got attached and they were aware of your reputation, so they knew what they were getting into.

but for some reason, jaemin was… different.

you weren’t really sure why, but something about him just made you feel things, things you have never felt with anyone else. you have never felt so good with any of the guys you had hooked up with. and by that, you didn’t only mean how good his touch felt on you, but also the sweet way he reacted to your loving pet names and caresses. 

your heartless attitude only earned you what you had never thought you, a self-proclaimed cold-hearted bad girl would ever experience. 

heartbreak.

now, jaemin tried everything to avoid you. he got out of his way so you wouldn’t bump into each other, leaving class as fast as humanly possible just so you wouldn’t be able to approach him.  though he doubted you would ever get near him again, so he was actually doing you a favour, right?

after all, why else would you have left the way you did after your little rendezvous?

every time you happened to be in a room he had just stepped into, he turned around and left without giving you a second glance, face expressionless. but even when he tried to act tough in front of everyone else, you could see the pain in his eyes and it was slowly killing you. 

truth is, you felt like a complete jerk.

scratch that, you knew you were.

but how could you comprehend the effect your actions had on jaemin if you didn’t even care?

as he had realized when you decided to walk away from him that awful day in the library, he meant nothing to you. and even though it hurt him to no end, that’s how life is.

cruel.

his friends knew something had happened to him. they could see how the usual spark in jaemin’s eyes was completely gone after you two got together to work on your genetics project. he usually kept to himself, which wasn’t really out of the ordinary coming from him, but lately he barely talked, only answering with monosyllables. he stopped taking part in their conversations, not even intervening when renjun and donghyuck’s bickering got out of hand.

“hey, nana, are you coming to chenle’s place later today? we’ll probably stay over and play games in his huge ass tv.” jeno’s cheerful voice made jaemin look up from his untouched lunch. he just nodded slightly before looking back down to his food.

he didn’t feel like talking or hanging out with anyone, but noticing the worried expression that had replaced jeno’s usual bright smile, he tried to put on his best smile. “sure,” he tried to reassure him. jeno didn’t seem so convinced, though he didn’t say anything about it.

his friends also noticed how he seemed to disappear whenever you were nearby, which confirmed their suspicions of something happening between you two. he usually took his time to get ready for his next class and was fairly organized, but from that day on, he didn’t even try, throwing all his belongings inside his back before rushing out of the door. 

they were determined to find out what had happened with you to make jaemin stop being his usual self. the only problem was, how were they going to get it out of him?

~.~.~.~

“hyuck, go open the door, it must be jaemin.” jaemin could hear renjun’s voice yell from somewhere inside the house.

“ugh, you’re so annoying,” donghyuck rolled his eyes as he opened the door before going back upstairs to what he assumed was chenle’s room.

“dang, not even a hello,” shaking his head in disapproval, jaemin made his way inside, closing the door after himself.

noise –or more like screams– could be heard coming from upstairs as his friends were most likely already playing some game. he walked towards the kitchen where he found renjun and jeno preparing sandwiches and other snacks for all of them. when they saw jaemin walking in, they stopped what they were doing to look at him.

“hey, you came,” renjun smiled, happy to see his friend coming out of his newfound shell. just like the other guys, he was concerned about his sudden change of demeanor. he honestly missed his presence and dumb comments. not that he would ever tell him, though.

“can you help us with the drinks please?” jeno asked, hands full of snacks. 

jaemin just nodded his head before taking six cups to fill with any drink he could find in chenle’s fridge. after they had emptied half of the cabinets, the three boys made their way to his friend’s bedroom in silence.

none of them knew what to say, or more like how to say it. renjun and jeno were dying to ask jaemin what was going on, why did he decide to stop hanging out as much with them, if they were right about you being involved in whatever happened. and jaemin could tell. he wasn’t blind to not notice the weird looks they constantly threw at each other, the way they quieted down every time he approached them. but he didn’t want to admit the mistake he had made. he couldn’t look them in the face after spoiling all their efforts to prevent this very situation from happening.

what would they think of him?

he was supposed to be the cautious one of them all, the one who wouldn’t get fooled so easily, the responsible one. but even if he knew for a fact you didn’t have good intentions, he still let himself fall and ended up hurt. how could he take care of his friends if he couldn’t even take care of himself. 

“what took you so long?” jisung asked once they made it to their destination, snatching a few bags of chips from renjun’s arms.

“next time you’ll go get food, then,” the older boy clicked his tongue in annoyance, going to sit next to chenle on the bed.

nobody was surprised when jaemin sat by himself in a corner of the room, quietly staring at the floor. he didn’t even try to take part in their conversations, just nodding from time to time to assure them he was still listening. no one knew how to approach the situation, so chenle, tired of the weird ambiance the group of boys had been engulfed in for some time now, decided to take the initiative.

“what’s going on, jaemin? why can’t you tell us?” jaemin felt cold, mouth ajar in shock. he wasn’t expecting the topic to be brought up so soon and neither chenle to be the first one to confront him about it. “don’t even try to deny something’s up, we’re not dumb.”  

“we want to help you, but we can’t do anything if you don’t trust us enough to tell us.”

and in that moment, jaemin finally broke.

“i fucked up,” his voice cracked, tears welling in his eyes, making his vision blurry.

“what? what do you mean?” donghyuck intervened. he wasn’t one to usually show concern but seeing his friend so distressed made his heart hurt.

“i hooked up with y/n that day we were supposed to work on our project.” 

“we t-.”

“i know, alright! i know it was a mistake and i shouldn’t have let it happen, but now i don’t know what to do,” jaemin thought that venting to someone else about what happened would maybe make him feel better, but it didn’t, if something it actually made him feel worse. he was sure his friends though he was the biggest idiot in the whole world.

“shh, it’s okay, come here,” jeno opened his arms for jaemin, so the broken boy hugged him tightly, hiding the pained expression on his face in the elder’s shoulder.

“i don’t get it, how did this all happen?” a confused jisung asked, not understanding how the hell a simple project in pairs ended up in a hookup.

“i told her to meet me at the library so we wouldn’t be alone. i thought nothing could happen because there would be a lot of people around us, but things didn’t work out the way i thought they would,” and as jaemin told them the whole story, they couldn’t help but pity their friend.

“i thought maybe this time it would be different, you know? she talked to me as if she cared about me,” the dry chuckle he let out made the boys feel uneasy, “and i believed it.”

none of them doubted jaemin had at least a crush on you. yeah, sure, what you did was certainly not nice, but you weren’t together in any way. And that’s how hookups work, right? you fuck and then you leave. no feelings attached.

right?

“so you like her?” renjun asked, although it sounded more like a statement. 

“i think i do.”

~.~.~.~

as much anxiety the thought of having to face you again sparked in jaemin, you both still needed to finish the project and you only had two days left. even if he didn’t feel ready to talk to you yet –though he doubted he would ever be–, he had to man up for the sake of his grades.

seeing as his strategy of working on it in a crowded place didn’t work, there wasn’t another option but to section the project and get it done each on its own.

so that’s what he intended when he waited for you in your locker, practicing his next move over and over again. the only thought in his head was getting out of the situation as soon as he could to avoid any kind of unnecessary interaction.

he was scared of his heart controlling his body and his actions rather than his head, as it would inevitably end in him falling for you once again and only more pain. it would be the perfect formula for yet another heartbreak.

and you were completely shocked when you saw him standing next to your locker, apparently waiting for you. 

“you can finish the first half, i’ll do what’s left,” his eyes stayed trained on the floor as he spoke. he didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of seeing him so affected, so as soon as the words left his mouth, he was on his way, trying to flee the scene before you could react. 

“jaemin, wait!” he stopped dead in his tracks, not bothering to turn around and look at you. “look, i-i’m really sor-.”

but he didn’t stay to hear the end of it.

he walked away just like you had done not even a week ago.

feeling a lump in your throat that made it harder for you to breathe, your heart shattered into tiny pieces you didn’t care to pick up as you stood frozen in place.

but yours wasn’t the only heart broken.

jaemin walked home with a heavy heart, eyes stinging from tears that threatened to run down his cheeks. his friends had warned him and yet there he was, sulking over you.

he felt like a fool. how could he have fallen into your trap? he knew the type of girl you were; a heartbreaker, a player, the bad girl. but either way, his heart betrayed him, pumping furiously whenever you smiled at him, whenever you got close enough for him to inhale your sweet perfume and feel your minty breath fan over his face.

anger boiled in his veins, why did you have to play with him like that? what did he ever do wrong to deserve it? he had never bothered you, always staying in his lane and out of your way. he didn’t like confrontations so he stayed away from them, and being near you always included some kind of trouble.

but what hurt him the most was that he actually believed your sweet words, soft touches and loving kisses meant something. that he was stupid enough to think they meant the same to you as to him.

as you watched his figure disappear in the distance, you realized you had fucked up big time and you weren’t sure there was any way you could fix it.

~.~.~.~

the very next day you found yourself walking as fast as your legs allowed you around the campus to find jaemin. you probably looked like you had gone crazy to everyone you walked past, hair messy and tired face. you pulled an all-nighter the night before, determined to finish your part of the project. you really weren’t that interested in your grade. actually, your only motivation was finding an excuse to talk to him.

half an hour later, you still hadn’t been able to find jaemin. you were utterly and completely frustrated, it felt like you had just wasted your time. but just as you were about to give up on your search, you found him.

he was walking down the hallway towards the opposite direction and away from you. you could only see the back of his head, but you could tell he wasn’t looking ahead but at the floor, like he had been doing ever since that day. your feet started moving on their own, directing you to him. 

“jaemin, please, listen to me,” your fingers wrapped themselves around his wrist in an attempt to make him stay. he didn’t want to turn around, he didn’t want to see you or be anywhere near you.

the memory of you leaving the library after using him for your own pleasure hunted him. it may sound dramatic, but jaemin was tired of the pain you brought him. he hated the way your voice still made him feel all giddy and warm inside, he wanted to forget you for good and go on with his life as it was before.

“why should i?”

“because i want to apologize, just hear me out for a second,” you pleaded, not being able to find one good reason for him to stay.

“why would you even be sorry, anyway? you’ve never cared about others, why now and why me?” a bitter, full of hurt chuckle left his lips, eyes rolling in irony. his words felt like a punch to the stomach, the cold tone of his voice making your heart crack.

he was right, you had never cared about anyone else but yourself.

the cold-hearted behaviour jaemin witnessed in that library was what got you your infamous reputation at school; you did whatever you needed to do without looking back to see how it affected others.

that’s why it hurt so much now that you also cared about him.

“because you’re different,” you whispered, eyes closed in distress and white knuckles from how hard you were clenching your fists.

“w-what do you mean? stop playing around, i’m tired of getting hurt.”

“jaemin,” your expression softened, voice coming out in a sigh and helping him relax a little. “i’m not playing with you,” you took a deep breath before proceeding to spill your guts.

“i know i made a huge mistake acting the way i did, and when i say i’m sorry i really, truly mean it. i’m aware that the wound has already been done, but it makes my heart feel heavy to see you avoiding me. it’s selfish, i know, but i don’t want you to be away from me. i-i’m not sure what these feelings are or where they came from, the only thing i know is that i don’t want them to go away.”

what in the world was happening?

“i think i like you, na jaemin.”

“you like… m-me?” confusion was written all over his face, he couldn’t tell if you were being honest or not.

“yes, i like you, and if you’d give me a second opportunity i promise i’d make it worth it.”

and as much pain you had been causing him for the last few days, he couldn’t contain the butterflies that erupted in the pit of his stomach when he saw the sincerity your eyes held. 

his body moved without him realizing, walking towards you until he could smell your sweet scent. you didn’t back down, staying still with eyes locked in his even when you were sure he could hear the crazy beating of your heart. you hoped he believed you, but even if he didn’t, you were determined to prove it to him, regardless of the price. 

a surprised gasp fell from your lips when he leaned in with eyes closed, lips locking in a mind-blowing kiss. he tasted the same as last time, but the moment felt different. this kiss was less rushed, filled with strong feelings that you hoped were reciprocated.

had he accepted your apology and was willing to take you back after all you had done?

“does this mea-,” you broke away from the kiss to ask, but he cut you off quickly before going back to attack your mouth.

“i like you too,” your heart felt like it was about to explode, something you had never felt before.  

your arms snaked around his neck as his hands positioned themselves on the small of your back, both trying to bring the other closer. your fingers went to his soft, fluffy hair to tug on it and jaemin groaned into your mouth. 

for a moment, both of you forgot you were still in school’s grounds and anyone walking to their locker or next class could find you, but at that moment, nothing mattered.

his body felt like it was on fire, the burn almost addictive as he unconsciously pressed his hips into yours, letting you feel his growing boner. he was so into the kiss he didn’t notice at first how his body was reacting to your closeness, your scent filling his senses and plump lips moving against his. but when you responded with a roll of your hips, he gasped in surprise.

“come on, baby,” his heart pumped harder as you intertwined your fingers with his and dragged him to the teacher’s bathroom. after making sure no one was nearby, you got in and locked yourselves inside. you didn’t waste any time smashing your lips together, the kiss eventually turning rougher and full of lust.

when jaemin’s back touched the wall, he broke away from the kiss to regain his breath. 

he wasn’t a resentful person, but he was determined to give you a taste of your own medicine. you were going to regret what you had done.

oh, sweet revenge.

the tables turned as he pushed you against the wall, pressing his body flush into yours. a surprised moan left your lips, hands going to his chest in a failed attempt of pushing him away and re-establishing your dominance.

“no, it’s my turn,” the new found confidence that was taking over his body made jaemin feel great. you were wordless because of the sudden change of attitude so he took the opportunity to pin both of your wrists above your head with only one of his hands and with the other, he grabbed your thigh and lifted it, holding it to his hip. with a roll of his hips, his hard cock grinded against your clothed core in such a way your legs almost buckled.

“look at you now, where did the mean girl attitude go?” 

you could only moan, already feeling your damp panties stick to your folds uncomfortably, and he smirked at your lack of response. you wanted nothing more than for him to fuck you and now knew how desperate jaemin must have felt that day at the library with all your teasing.

“what do you want? tell me baby,” when you tried to free yourself from his grip, he tsked, only tightening it more. “i’m not letting you go, so stop being a brat. i asked you a question, tell me what you want.”

jaemin was enjoying every single second of having you so under his control. you had pegged him as someone who liked being dominated, but apparently you were wrong. by the looks of it, he was having the time of his life, not even caring about how long it's been since everything started, engraving in his brain every sound you made and the way your face contorted in pleasure when he pressed himself against you. he didn’t care about his reputation anymore either, after ruining you just the way you had done with him he would have had enough to make it worth it.

“i want to see you,” your hands twitched in his grip, fingers wanting nothing more than to tug on his shirt and undress him. last time you didn’t get to see him due to being in a public space, but now, locked inside the teacher’s bathroom, you could finally see him in his full glory. jaemin would normally feel shy about showing his body to someone else, especially a girl, but he couldn’t let his whole confident facade fall down, so he set you free, “unbutton it then, babygirl.”

you worked on unbuttoning his shirt as fast as you could and pussy clenched around nothing when you saw his toned abdomen and chest. he was stunning. your hands trailed down his body, caressing the soft skin, drinking in all the little details. in return, jaemin lifted yours above your chest to have easy access to your breasts. the hand that was previously holding you still now came to knead your soft boobs, groaning at the way your hips bucked against his cock.

“fuck me,” you managed to let out in a whimper.

“uhm, is that what you want?” you shook your head ‘yes’ as soon as the question came out of his mouth, eager to feel him inside once again. “then beg for it.” 

you weren’t used to being the one to beg and as much as you hated following orders, you were willing to swallow your dignity if it meant he was going to touch you just how you needed. 

“please, jaemin,” he shook his head, not satisfied by your response, “i’m so wet and it’s all just for you, i need you to fuck me, please” you felt your face heat up in embarrassment but you opted to ignore it. he hummed, letting go of your leg for a moment to slide your panties off your body and pull down his pants before gripping your thigh once again.

“your wish is my command,” you giggled at his cute antics, but the laughter soon got stuck in your throat when he slid his cock inside you. your eyes closed, head falling to the crook of his neck and hands gripping his biceps to hold yourself up, as jaemin groaned. you felt as tight as he could remember, but he still couldn’t get used to it. his legs trembled slightly as your walls squeezed around him, “f-fuck, still so tight.”

“move, please,” the stretch felt nice, but you needed more. and so he did as he was told, starting to slowly buck his hips into you before eventually building up a steady pace.

you felt so full with him snuggled deep inside of you, reaching places you didn’t know he could with the new position. his hips angled so he could hit your g-spot with every thrust, loud moans leaving your lips. 

“if you keep being loud we’ll get caught baby,” his teeth nibbled on the skin of your neck, mouth sucking softly as to not leave marks, “or maybe that’s what you want? for someone to catch us fucking in school property?” your moans got louder so jaemin put his hand over your lips to shush you.

“uhm, that’d make so much more sense as to why you suddenly decided to risk my reputation and fuck me in the library where anybody could have seen us just with a turn of their heads.” his words came out so bluntly your eyes widened, body convulsing against his and high getting closer.

“f-faster, please, fuck me faster,” he obliged, lifting your skirt so it hung just above your waist to uncover your lower half. his hips snapped rougher than before as his thumb played with your sensitive clit, pressing harshly and circling furiously on it.

“oh my god, jaemin!” your eyes rolled to the back of your head, mouth falling open as muffled moans fell from your lips. jaemin’s pace got sloppy as your walls clamped down on him. he was finding it hard to move, both from the strong grip of your pussy and his nearing orgasm.

“that’s it, baby, come for me,” and with a particular flick of his fingers you were cumming hard, juices running down the inside of your thighs. jaemin fucked you through your orgasm and followed soon after, thick cum filling you up nicely. heavy pants could be heard all over the room, fogging the bathroom’s mirror. 

after your breathing had evened, he pulled out and dropped your leg to let you stand up comfortably. neither of you made an effort to move away from the other, eyes staying locked in the other’s, sharing a last kiss before fixing your clothes as best as you could in the shortest period of time you could manage. you were most likely already running late for class so you didn’t have time to lose.

noticing the only piece of clothing you were missing were your panties, you started searching everywhere for it. you couldn’t get caught or else you would be in big trouble. two teenagers spending a considerable amount of time locked together in the teacher’s bathroom without the supervision of any adult wouldn’t look good to anyone.

at some point you began panicking, you couldn’t just leave your underwear in there, somebody was going to find it and you both would be fucked. for real this time.

“jaemin, have you seen my pant-.”

“your what?” you hadn’t noticed the big ass smirk jaemin was carrying as he looked at you, enjoying your misery. “my panties,” but that wasn’t the only thing you noticed, you could see the pink cloth hanging from his finger. 

“give them back,” you pouted cutely, making jaemin smile teasingly. “nope, now they’re mine,” he shoved the piece of clothing inside his pocket and left you to deal with his cum dripping down your legs by yourself.

“but it’s leaking, i can’t go out like this.”

you probably sounded like a whiny child throwing a tantrum, but you really needed your underwear back or else you wouldn’t be able to keep it all in. 

“you can and you will, sweetie,” jaemin smirked, taking your hand in his before opening the bathroom door to leave. you didn’t want to leave like that, so you leaned your whole weight back so he wouldn’t be able to pull you with him, but he managed. with a hard tug on your hand, he forced you out of the room and into his back.

just as you were mumbling about how strong he was, a voice made you both freeze in your spots.

“did you guys just leave the teacher’s bathroom? what the heck?” donghyuck gasped, mouth agape in shock. he couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing; na jaemin and y/l y/n, school’s good boy and bad girl, walking out of the teacher’s bathroom hand in hand. jaemin’s eyes opened wide in panic. someone –or more like the worst person who could have found you– caught you in a very compromising situation. the erratic beating of his heart made his body feel numb, cheeks flushing a deep tone of red.

he noticed jaemin’s messy hair, blushing cheeks and not properly buttoned shirt as well as your untucked one and skirt way too high up your legs that revealed a fair portion of your thighs.

and then it clicked.

donghyuck’s own eyes shot open as he connected the dots.

“oh my fucking god, you fucked in there.”

–lia:)

[renhy6ck]

closer of you – renjun & donghyuck.

warnings: fingering (f!), voyeur & dom!donghyuck, hard dom!renjun, dirty talk, degradation, fighting for dominance?, masturb4tion (m x m!), pet names, big c0ck! hyuck, oral (m!), creampie and vaginal penetration.

synopsis: porn without some specific plot. just pure and clear smut.

—

you know how much renjun needs you when he tilts his body against yours while you are still lying on the bed. donghyuck's silhouette sitting on the next bed does not seem to bother him, as he makes no mention that he would stop.

the babylook that barely covered yourbody is on the floor, your pink chess skirt is wrapped around your waist and the panties are put aside. the silence kind of scares you and you don't know very well where to look, holding a groan when you feel your boyfriend's thin fingers playing with your input. you contracted a few times with the mention of his fingertips getting into you, in a few seconds, two fingers were burying into you.

"you don't have to get that nervous, kitten" donghyuck's soft voice echoed through your ears, his eyes immediately turned to a relaxed face. a few drops of sweat fell from his cheeks and his dark eyes showed how much he was focused on you. "pay attention to how your boyfriend wants to fuck you... if you are a good slutty to him, maybe i can play with you a little"

a smug smile appeared on his smelling lips, causing your heart to beat. renjun pragued, using his free hand to tighten your waist, sinking his fingers into your skin waveously.

"you can't be satisfied with just one cock, angel? do you really need to be numb with cum until you can't stand it anymore?" the tip of his tongue makes a noise when it collides with the sky of his own mouth. then his fingers went in and out quickly and with some violence.

you close your eyes, throwing your head back, throwing your hip forward, in a desperate search for the tasty sensation that his fingers brought you, amid the rapid palpitations of your heart, just with the idea of the other two eyes on you. you wanted to look beautiful to donghyuck as you never looked before.

renjun wasn't a bad boyfriend, he knew very well of your secret wish for his flirtive and sticky best friend. he was unable to ignore the jokes about your beautiful ass or how your eyes shone at the moment haechan appeared. even if hyuck irritates him, he would be too cruel if he didn't give you that chance. you were so good, why deprive yourself of tasting the one thing that seemed so tempting and so impossible to have?

 "you didn't tell me that your little toy was dumb, hyung." the acidity of hyuck's voice makes you choke with your own saliva and the daydreams disappear.

renjun stops when you were about to get there, the diver pounding in need as his fingers drifted away.

"do you want him, princess?"

you hesitate and settle.

"yes, master..." the subdued voice softens the hyuck's ego. "i want his dick first"

your sudden confidence made him blink a few times, incredulous. jealousy tightened on his chest, his eyes half-closing as he split between facing his large western eyes and his open, reddish lips.

quickly, his hand went towards your beautiful and reddish face, squeezing it tightly, causing your lips looking small. your open legs against his body was an impulse for renjun's free hand to come into contact with your sensitive clit, depositing an aggressive slap.

"i'm not good enough to be the first, huh?"

it's not difficult to repair the pulsing vein in renjun's tempora, the loud and irritated voice already denounced the displeasure. renjun wouldn't admit it, but his ego was slightly hurt.

with a look of disgust, renjun releases your face, gradually moving away from your body. your elbows leaned on the mattress, pushing your body forward slightly. the blonde's hands tidy his black shirt, walking towards his friend, while his eyes look at them curiously.

"don't let her cum until i say to"

a presumptuous smile appeared on donghyuck's face, his tongue running through his lower lip as his hands strolled through his thick, showy thighs amid black skinny pants.

"that's a little hard to guarantee, man. look how she is now. if i touch her, she can melt"

renjun's jaw is locked now. you decide to be quiet a little, using your own fingers to squeeze and play with the nipples while you watch them fight. the idea of them having you both seemed too good to be real, you thought.

"do you want to see me end the show?"

donghyuck stands up, or looking into his best friend's eyes. the smooth white shirt contrasting with your tanned skin made you sigh. how could he be so beautiful? releasing a low groan, you soon squeeze your clit between the indicator and the thumb.

"you don't have courage enough, injunnie. not while she's enjoying her own little pussy" haechan's peripheral vision did not let your movements be ignored.

 "don't make her cum." renjun touches the shoulder of the youngest boy before sitting in the place where hyuck was previously.

donghyuck approached you slowly, gently touching your wrist, taking it away from your own intimacy. you groaned, looking at him among your eyelashes with some difficulty. the neon red light preventing you from seeing it so clearly.

"are you a good girl, hm, angel?" he interrupts you even before you can answer, touching your hair and putting it behind your ear. "of course you are. you're a needy little girl, aren't you? you need a real man to eat this cunt in the right way am i right?"

renjun was already about to touch his own stick, lowering the zipper of his tight pants, pulling on the mattress, squeezing the erection through his underwear, but the youngest words dispersed him. you looked at him, feeling a certain apprehension in giving any answer to the boy in front of you, but not preventing his cold hands from going down and up through your thighs, squeezing the inner part, avoiding your nucleus in a frustrating way.

"i swear by god, haechan, that if you continue with this thing, i forbid you to touch her"

donghyuck turns his eyes, opens the button of his pants and quickly puts his erection out, brushing it against your thigh. you groaned with the amazing picture in front of you. you blinked a few times to try to see more clearly. haechan's cock was thick, bigger than you could think, making your mouth salivate.

"it won't fit...i'm sorry. but it can't fit on me" you groaned.

"ah...it is. you know it is"

one of haechan's hands wrapped itself around the base itself, guiding the dick to your entrance, entering little by little, enlarging its inner walls as each centimeter sank inside you. the free hand grabbed both of your wrists, placing them above your head, pushing his own hip forward.

"be quiet, babe and don't cum, i don't want your pretty boyfriend to kill me"

the delicious laugh of the tallest made you into a trance. his eyes couldn't at least remain open, fighting against the neon light to observe your beautiful face while the noise of his hip against your echoed through the room.

renjun's hands were agile on his cock, going down and up, playing with his own glans, squeezing and rubbing his thumb in circles sometimes. it didn't take long for him to approach, kneeling close to your small body.

donghyuck approached, touching your boyfriend's face, turning to himself. he kissed him, entering the older man's mouth with his tongue, reducing the stools to something slower. renjun was slightly confused, but gave in to the touches, weaving his tongue into each other's, bringing a nice feeling. your eyes blinked a few times, not believing in the warm sight in front of you.

you felt your entrance pulsate in the middle of haechan's stick, pressing it with some force, going against your order and releasing some moans with your lips between open. the hand before on the boy's face, now was already involving renjun's extension, puncturing it quickly.

"master please, please." you wriggle on the bed, pushing your own hip against the cock, shaking your body in a desperate way, letting the tricky groans escape from your mouth. when they stop, your boyfriend announced with some arrogance:

"it's my turn"

haechan leaned over your body, kissing your lips then for a few seconds. the soft and warm mouth touched your jaw, your neck, your shoulders, your clavicle, the space between your breasts, while the stocking became desperately slow. soon, he was already out of you.

your boyfriend was quick to get into you, squeezing the skin of your hip with his fingers, sinking them heavily there, probably leaving marks, stocking quite quickly.

"squeeze my fucking cock, cockslut" he grunted in an order, entering more and more, moaning with the image of your messy face and the strands of your hair fallen on your face.

you obeyed him immediately, pressing and pressing your entrance around the extension of renjun. receiving slight slaps on your cheek; donghyuck's cock was hitting your face, looking for your attention, making you turn your head to the side and open your lips, letting it stick into your cavity, storing your mouth willingly.

"fuck, she still accepts me so well." he sighed, clenching his fingers in your hair, pulling your face against him.

you blinked, controlling the tears as you felt his glans reach your throat at the same time as its apex approached. you needed confirmation so much, otherwise you would succumb, you were sure.

 "don't you like to have two cocks using you like a stupid little slut? if you keep pressing like that, i'll finish you off"

with a few more stabs, you felt the sweet and bitter taste of  sperm coming down your throat, leaving only the caresses of his fingers on your face and hair. meanwhile, renjun slowed down in your grip. now with your mouth free, the moans escaped easily, hoarse and low.

"let her cum, hyung. i don't think she can stand it any longer"

a cunning smile grows on renjun's thin lips, slipping his hands through your body in a lingering caress, whispering quietly.

"enjoy it, princess. you heard him."

wiithout waiting, you have broken down around him, who in a few stools empties his liquid into you, relaxing his own muscles and laying his body on yours, hiding his face in the curvature of your neck.

"that was good, wasn't it?" haechan asks in a pleasant voice, getting up and straightening his pants, buttoning itand sitting at the edge of the bed. "did you like it, my baby?"

"it was amazing." you blink, letting some tears fall on your cheeks.

"i only have one thing to say" renjun started.

"i did something wrong, love?"

"no, y/n. the problem is him"

i the middle of a laugh, the youngest's hands rest on his own waist.

"aren't you going to tell me that you are mad because i fucked her, right?"

"if you kiss me again, i will kill you."

[jaedreaminn]

On The Bridge

Summary

The water under the bridge was luring but no as much as the boy on the bridge.

Or maybe you were just convincing yourself you liked the water because you hadn't met the boy yet...

Pairings: Renjun x fem!reader

Characters: Renjun, Doyoung «mentioned» Chenle, Taeyong.

About: Angst, recovery, comfort, semicolon, light humour, sad, Bitter-Sweet, open ending.

Word Count: 4.6k

WARNINGS

Mentions of suicide! Attempt at suicide! (Nothing graphic) Read with caution it gets heavy.

Toxic family relations.

Mentioned bullying.

Reader suffers from depression.

You sat on the thick railing of the bridge, legs dangling high above the moon lit waters. It was truly a beautiful and calming site, so peaceful and pure, the complete opposite of your thoughts.

Up on this bridge you were lost in a trance, trapped in a void of your own thoughts that were empty but at the same time raging.

You failed to notice a presence besides you so you were quite startled when a voice spoke asking you, "Why are you here?"

You blinked once at the pretty who sat next to you before calmly answering him, "To watch the water."

"You're not here to....umm..."

"Join the water?" You asked a small teasing smile creeping on you face and the boy seemed to curl into himself.

"Y-yea that" he stuttered.

"Yea I'm here to join the water." You said and he frowned, "But not today. I'll do that the moment my birthday ends" you said with a smile and he looked at you in awe.

"Leave this world a day after I arrived, won't that be cool?" You asked and he hesitated before nodding.

"It would be cool..." He said slowly sitting up straight.

"So you're here to jump too?" You asked, your words too bold and unfiltered for him.

"Oh- umm I, Y-yea" he stuttered, panicking and you smiled softly again.

"I don't think you will. You seem too cowardly to actually jump...I mean you couldn't even properly ask me if I was going to jump" you said with a shrug while the boy with blond hair (you just noticed) slowly calmed down.

"I am." He said with a small nod, "But I wasn't always scared it's just...." He trailed, biting his lip not sure whether to tell you or not.

"Just what?" you asked eyes innocently curiously, he held his breath for a minute contemplating whether to tell you or not and then sighed, "I used to sneak out and come here every night but every time my younger brother would know I was gone and would always follow me here" he said eyes glistening and you felt entrapped in his sullen gaze.

"And we'd sit here on this bridge every night talking about anything and everything. He was bubbly and carefree but always held onto my hand tightly as if he knew I would jump if he let go. But I could never tell if he knew or not because the only thing that was bluntly visible on his face was his million dollar smile." the boy said with a small twinkle in his eye.

"Where is he now?" You asked and a sad smile made its way to the boy’s soft features.

"He's shining as the brightest star in the sky" he replied, pointing up at no particular star.

"He was sick. Born a sick child, I always knew he was going to go early." the boy said and you felt sorry for him, the way he smiled sadly to himself holding the weight of losing a loved on his lean shoulders.

"I'm so"

"No don't say sorry, he lived a good life" he cut you off and for a few minutes the two of you just sat on the bridge silently, two broken souls.

"What's your name?" You finally asked and he looked hesitant before he spoke, "Huang Renjun"

"Hi Renjun I'm Kim y/n" you said offering him a smile with an enthusiastic wave.

"Hi y/n" he said with a small laugh at your gesture, which he found cute.

"So why do you still come here Renjun?" You asked and Renjun stilled, breathing slowly he spoke "I want to jump. I can't handle life anymore but every time it feels like someone's holding onto my arm..." He trailed off and you felt your heart sink, he lived only because of the memory of his brother.

"Why are you here y/n?" He asked, changing the topic.

"Me? Well...I recently shifted here with my parents. My brother stayed back but it's not like he lived with us. I hated my old school and my entire experience there. It scared me to the point I have an anxiety attack at the thought of going to any school so I'm being home schooled now. Home school isn't better though considering I'm stuck at home with the constant yelling. I'm invisible now almost as if I was never supposed to exist so that's what I'm here to do. To not exist." you said in one go biting your lip nervously at the thought of over sharing but Renjun smiled at you and you felt your nervous heartbeat calm down. You also noticed that he really was a beautiful boy because one small smile on his face looked so captivating to you.

"That's sad... I wish you didn't feel that way" he said earnestly and you felt something close to genuine happiness at that statement for a brief second.

"And I wish I was never born...it's not fair to me" you said with a sigh eyes fixed on the water again. Jumping into it and being lost in its current seemed like the most peaceful and joyful thing in the world to you. The coldness of the water and the darkness of the night wrapped around you like a blanket as you finally let go. It sounded perfect.

"What if you find a reason to live?" Renjun asked interrupting your thoughts and you frowned. There wasn't a reason, there never was going to be and even if there was one reason to live there were thousand other reasons to leave.

"What was your brother's name?" You asked changing the topic. Renjun smiled and simply answered, "Zhong Chenle" without prying any further.

And so you two bonded talking about anything and everything or nothing at all. And every night, like routine you went to the bridge and he was there. And that's how you made your first and probably your last friend.

It was on one of the more cheerful nights when Renjun was animatedly telling you about his baby brothers dolphin laugh and about how contagious it was that it had delayed his cake cutting by fifteen minutes because he couldn't stop laughing that you told Renjun when your birthday was.

"In two weeks!" Renjun exclaimed shocked, a frown plastered on his face.

"Yes in two weeks" you repeated with a small giggle at how cute his flustered self looked.

"But that's so soon" he subconsciously pouted rather cutely.

"Want to join me?" You asked even though you knew his answer.

"I would if I wasn't a coward" Renjun said with a frown and held your hand. "I'll miss you"

"At least someone will" you said with a dead laugh and Renjun frowned, for some reason he was convinced people knew you existed. And maybe they knew but if you didn't want to live it was your choice not theirs.

"My brother's in town and we used to be so close now it's only awkward small talk as if he hates talking to me" you said with a sarcastic laugh but it only sounded like a strangled cry and Renjun put a comforting hand on your shoulder not saying anything.

"And my parents...well they don't talk they yell" you scoffed, "They probably haven't even noticed I live with them by how occupied they are trying to hurt each other"

"And I never had any friends and I wouldn't call the people at my old school my friends...ever. They broke me and said that's just how they are or that I'm being dramatic. It was always just me. I'm always stuck outside as if I was never meant to be and maybe I'm not..." You said a sob escaping your lips after your outed your demons and Renjuns heart broke as he pulled you towards him and hugged you as you silently sniffed.

"Don’t worry you won't go alone, I'll come and say goodbye to you" he whispered in your ear and a small smile made its way to your face, glad that he understood you.

"I'd try to stop you but I know it's stupid to try to stop you when I myself want to jump so bad" he said as he tightened his hold around you and you lay your head on his chest. Renjun wasn't cold like the waters were but being in his embrace still brought you peace.

"How come you're waiting till after your birthday?" He asked you and a small smile made its way to your face, finally a question you wanted to answer. "Because that's the one day the yelling stops and everyone pretends like everything is fine and the one day they notice me. It's the one day I'm everyone's favourite and I want their last memory of me to be a happy one" you said, recollecting those rare happy memories as you listened to Renjuns heartbeat.

"I'll send you away happy too so you'd have one last happy memory too" he said resting his head on yours.

He was so warm but you didn't hate it as much as you did and suddenly the water looked too cold.

And so two weeks started to go by and your nights with Renjun got weirder and weirder, he would either be really talkative or extremely quiet. And not the comfortable quite you were used to, not when everything about his quite presence screamed THINKING LOUDLY. But it didn't bother you for too long.

The day of your birthday went as you predicted. Everyone was smiling and suddenly you were the center of everyone's attention. With fake smiles and happiness and peace that wouldn't last. At least their last memory of you was you smiling right? Maybe they won't feel guilty for too long because you were never supposed to exist. But at the same time you wanted them to hurt the way you did, to regret not being able to save you.

The day went by cheerful and night came, you kissed your parents good night and hugged your brother properly for the first time after he returned. You were pretty sure you shocked him a bit but it was your last good bye. You needed it. He was the one you cared for the most in your family.

Once night fell and you were sure everyone was too tired to care you creeped out towards the bridge walking there quickly in anticipation of Renjuns good bye so you frowned when you realised he wasn't there.

You looked at your phone, 11:45.

He still had fifteen minutes to arrive maybe he'd say goodbye to you then.

But it was soon 11:59 and no one had come onto the bridge other than a stray cat.

You frowned looking at the screen on your phone as tears made its way to your eyes, you were always meant to be die unnoticed and alone.

The numbers on the clock changed from 11:59 to 12:00 and you placed it down on the railing next to you as you leaned over to look at the water.

Stupid Renjun, his warmth made the cold water which you loved before seem too cold. But at least it was dark.

You placed your arms on both sides of the railings and gave yourself a slight push ready to slip and fall off but just then a hand clasped onto your arm and you turned around to look at a red faced Renjun.

"M-my brother used to...” he panted, out of breath and you looked at his pleading eyes worried. “He used to hold onto me and now I'm going to hold onto you" he said, breathing heavily from his run here.

"B-but you said you understood" you yelled anger bubbling inside of you, a frown making its way to your face, how could he stop you just because he was scared.

"I didn't understand two shits." He said sternly, standing up straight. "At first you inspired me and I thought that I'd finally have to courage to jump if I do it with you but then I didn't want to see you go....I already saw Chenle go without being able to do anything for my baby brother who wanted to live and here I was letting you go and thinking of taking my life, a life which Chenle could have never had. What an insult it would have been to his death if his brother who wasn't forced to die took his own life after his baby brother fought so much to live? And you! How could I just sit by and watch you take your life" he yelled as tears threatened to fall.

"So I decided not to come today but I care too much to not show up. So the only thing I can do right now is hold onto your arm to make sure you won't jump while talking about anything and everything until you forget about wanting to jump. Just like Chenle did for me." Renjun said hurriedly and desperately, face turning red and fresh tears falling out of his shining, determined eyes and you felt your heart sink as realisation of how real this situation was. His goal was to talk to you until you forgot why you were here but you just couldn't.

"B-but" you started to reason and Renjun shook his head. "No I'm holding onto you" he said, red eyes shining with a passion to keep you alive and you almost felt touched. Almost. This was supposed to be your escape but now one small boy with the voice of an angle has got you questioning everything? His eyes pleaded with you and he rambled about something that fell deaf to your ears as you glanced at the waters. It looked too cold and suddenly death seemed a bit scarier than before.

You closed your eyes, taking in a deep breath and you let yourself die away in the darkness. As you pressed each emotion you felt way under an invisible weight of the darkness that comforted you, that excited you, that promised you eternal peace. Maybe the water was too cold but the darkness was pulling you in and all it would take was one little push to let it consume you.

But the darkness was snatched away from you as a sudden bright light blinded your vision, it was someone's torch from their phone but you couldn't see who was holding it and neither could Renjun as he squinted trying to not look directly into the light.

"Y/n?" A voice called out and your eyes widened, in recognition.

"D-Doyoung?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" he yelled pocketing his phone and running to you, yanking you off the railing and onto the pavement of the bridge.

"Are you mad? Why would you do that! What would I do if I lost you? How could you just think of leaving like that!" He yelled at you, tears shamelessly falling out of his eyes. You noticed he looked defeated but you didn't understand why.

"I-I’m sorry" you mumbled feeling obligated to apologise, looking away biting onto you lip hard, more embarrassed than scared that he caught you.

What you didn't know Doyoung’s mind was a whirlwind of regrets and flashbacks. Of hatred for himself for not noticing sooner for not coming to your aid sooner.

For how noisy his mind was to you it was silent. Too silent. He didn't say anything and now you were scared. Scared of what would happen, scared because no matter how much you tried to predict the outcome your mind remained blank.

"Ohhh what would I do if I lost you" he finally said breaking the silence and holding onto you so tight you were surprised none of your bones broke.

"I'm sorry." He broke into a sob, "I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner. I'm sorry I didn't take you away from there with me, I'm sorry I didn’t protect you at school. I'm so sorry I couldn't do more. But please don't do this y/n" he pleaded with a broken hopeless voice holding onto you tighter, "You're my baby sister and I won't be able to live with myself if I lost you" he sobbed into your hair holding you close to him and for the first time you felt fear, fear of what would happen if you left Doyoung behind.

"I should have protected you and should have just taken you with me not waited until I could prove to our parents I had money oh god" he continued to cry and it hurt your heart, how could you forget your brother's promise to take you away and protect you and how could you forget your promise to love with him. Live with him. You couldn't hold back either, clinging onto him for life as you cried. All the pain inside you finally breaking lose as you sobbed and sobbed in your brother's arms. And suddenly all the emotions that the darkness hid were out in the open and you felt every emotion all at once and it wasn't a burden like you expected but instead freeing.

The pain from the constant bullying, the neglect, having to deal with your parents fighting and then your brother moving out. You were alone and scared and all the emotions you bottled up came pouring out all at once. You felt faint and light headed but you couldn't stop crying your soul out.

You weren't brave but a coward just leaving without really putting up a fight. You felt yourself shift as Doyoung who had stopped crying slowly sat down with you still held tightly in his arms.

You sat on the cold road, head rested on your brother's chest as you listened to his heartbeat and he caressed you head as your sobs slowly died down. You were tired and might have fallen asleep there if it wasn't for your brother's cold voice startling you back into consciousness.

"Who are you?" your brother's asked tone so cold you would have been scared to be on the receiving end of it and that's when you realised- Renjun!

"Oh I'm her.... Friend?" Renjun questioned more than answered and you smiled at the flustered boy as your brother's eyes critically scanned him.

"He's Renjun" you said pulling away from your brother's embrace deciding to end the trembling boys suffering, "He was brave enough to not join me and even braver to stop me" you said smiling at the said brave boy (who was currently trembling under Doyoungs gaze). Doyoung gave Renjun a curt nod and got up to thank him.

You tried your best to hold in your laughter as you watched them awkwardly shake hands. It was definitely a start of a very awkward relationship.

...

You blinked your eyes open, your head was killing you and you felt like you woke up from a drug induced dream. Last night was all messed up for you and you weren't sure if it was real.

You lay there on your bed feeling drained to the core and empty inside. You felt awful. Like you shouldn't have woken up today morning, yet some part of you was secretly glad.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Doyoung who barged into you room and opened your curtains filling the room with bright light, you squinted, your eyes hurting at the sudden surplus of light but for the first time you were glad it was bright rather than dark as you saw your brother standing against the light, smiling at you.

"Get dressed Renjun should be here soon" he said and marched out of your room before you could react. You forced yourself to sit up, brain still not processing a word he had said.

It was a challenge getting ready, especially since all you wanted to do today was lay in bed but you got ready and walked to the kitchen where Doyoung placed a fresh plate of pancakes in front of you.

You smiled at him, sitting yourself down and digging into your breakfast when you stopped and realised how quite it was

"Ummm Doyoung where are..." You started to ask but Doyoung cut you off, "It's like you forgot last night." He scoffed but there was a very obvious smile on his face as if he was happy. You couldn't understand why he was so happy when all you felt was empty and awful after last night.

"They have gone for couples counselling but honestly I think it'll end in a divorce" Doyoung said it so casually that you sat there with your fork hovering in front of your mouth shocked. "Don’t be so surprised. I know it sucks but I'm old enough to take care of you and I'm taking you away with me this time. Let them sort out their own problems and don’t you dare blame yourself for their failed marriage okay." He said sternly walking towards you and feeding you the pancake himself since you just sat there frozen. "And I know they're kind of messed up but they do love us and they have taken care of us, maybe not emotionally but in...other ways" he said placing a hand on your head and you nodded, dumbfounded. You wanted to say something but didn't know what to say or ask so you just sat there watching him, confused. He smiled at that. Everything was happening so quickly it was still taking you time to process it especially after last nights... whirlwind of emotions.

"You can be mad at them y/n. You can be mad at me. You can be mad at whoever okay. Feel things again." He said placing a soft kiss on your forehead as he walked to answer the door.

When did the doorbell ring?

"Oh Renjun you're here!" You heard him happily exclaim and walk back into the kitchen, followed by a shy Renjun. You looked at Renjun confused but he only gave you a shy smile.

"What's going on?" You asked after you swallowed the food that was in your mouth.

"I'm taking you two for therapy" he said so casually as if he didn't forget to mention that to you and by the looks of it he forgot to tell Renjun too.

"But my parents..."

"Renjun I spoke to them and they agreed to it" Doyoung said interrupting Renjun who seemed to have trouble believing Doyoung as he looked at him accusingly.

"Okay I fought with them and they agreed. Plus they can't stop me all the way from China if you consent to this can they?" Doyoung asked with a smug grin and Renjun looked at him in disbelief.

"What why?" You asked still confused "when did all this happen?"

"I got it all arranged last night." Doyoung casually said again as if he didn't forget to tell the two of you all of this and turned to Renjun, "Would you like some pancakes too?"

Renjun flushed in embarrassment at Doyoungs gaze and you frowned.

"But why are you suddenly so invested in all this" you asked, your tone sounding colder than you intended it to be. You regretted your words when you saw hurt flash through Doyoung’s eyes for a second.

Doyoung’s gave you a wary smile before he spoke, "When I left three years ago I wasn't in a good place. But I met good people and I got help. The three years I avoided coming home was because I took that time to heal. And I feel selfish for leaving you but I hope you'll one day understand that I needed to be stronger to take care of you. So that's what I'm doing now."

"Why are you taking me too then?" Renjun asked, eyes downcast, looking disappointed. What you didn't know was that he was disappointed. Someone else was going to take the burden of taking care of him and he didn't like that. He didn't like being a burden. He burdened his parents so much that they left him and now the same thing was going to happen with the only nice people he knew. He was beyond disappointed.

"Because you need help. I have a friend in uni, his name is Lee Taeyong." A small smile made its way to Doyoung’s face, "He helped me out in ways no one else would. He took care of me and he made sure I was okay, he genuinely cared for me even though I wasn't very nice to him. At first I found him annoying but now he's one of the most important people in my life and I don't think I would ever be able to live without him, don't tell him that though. But the thing is he came to me and helped me I didn't go to him, so now I'm going to help you no matter how much you feel like you don't deserve it Renjun. No matter how annoying you think I am." Doyoung said, stubbornness shining in his eyes and Renjun stood there shocked and taken back.

"I also knew your brother" Doyoung said shocking Renjun for the second time in the past five minutes, "He was a child prodigy at SM University, musical talents unlike any other, he was so young and so week but so jovial. His parents loomed over him taking praises given to the kid as their own but that young boy couldn't care less about them. The only thing he would talk about was his brother waiting at home for him, his brother that took care of him, who played with him, who protected him from the monsters in the closet. He spoke about his brother that held his hand when his heart hurt. He spoke about how when he was sick the medicines could never put him to sleep the way his brothers voice would." Tears made their way to Renjuns eyes as memories of everything Doyoung had mentioned came flooding into his mind but he held them back, too stubborn to let them fall.

"Every time he came he would tell us about how handsome his brother was and how talented his brother was. He would brag about how he wanted to spend his whole life being this faceless boys little brother." Renjun sniffed, roughly wiping away his tears before they could leave his eyes as he looked at Doyoung who continued to speak. "I owe it to him, a small kid that really gave me a different view and perspective on life to take care of this amazing brother" Doyoung finished speaking and Renjun broke into a sob, turning away and hiding his face. You got up from where you were seated and walked to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulder from behind, hugging him. Your heart broke every time he shook because of a sob. And that's when you knew, you knew you didn't want to continue like this. This beautiful boy deserved a happy life and so did you. You may feel like shit right now but you were going to change that and you were going to help the blond headed boy who stopped you from taking your life genuinely smile too.

"It's going to be a long journey and I know the two of you feel like it would never get better but it will. And I'll be there for the both of you during that time" Doyoung said sincerely and you looked at Renjun who looked at you through teary but hopeful eyes. You brought your hand up to Renjuns face, wiping a tear away as you felt his fingers interlock with your free hand and smiled. He smiled back at you, eyes still shining with fresh tears and you looked at Doyoung who stood at the side with an unreadable expression (but you could make out the hint of pride on his face) and you gave him a single, sharp nod. "We're going to get better." You looked at Renjun, "We're going to move forward"

"We'll take baby steps"

This is the first time I've written something so heavy so feedback would really be appreciated.

Let me know about your thoughts on this story.

It took a long while to come to a final story line/plot and even longer for me to want to post this.

[hoeforau]

~🤍~

Taeil

...

Johnny - Youngho

I’ll send all my loving to you - @sehunniepotwrites

24.8k - soulmate au!, friends to lovers au!

My favorite Johnny fic out there, by far. It has just the right amount of angst and fluff and just wholesome shit, you know? I’ve already praised this fic on my side blog (see here) but I just had to put it on here too. Bless you for this masterpiece 💛

The legend - @moonttaeil

30k - fratboy Johnny

Welp, might have read this when I was deep in my Johnny feels and now it won’t leave my mind. Frat au! lovers, this is one of, if not the best, frat series there is. If you haven’t already read their frat house series, DO IT.

Taeyong

...

Yuta

...

Doyoung

The trust fund baby - @moonttaeil

25k - frat/richboi Doyoung, fake dating au!

Y’all when I say I cried... This is a really bittersweet story but I LOVED IT. There’s also a part. 2 and it’s just as good. I’ll say it, Xiaojun deserved better, change my mind.

Atlas - @wincore

15.4k - fwb au!, college au!

Okay so this fic fucking wrecked me. I cried, maybe a bit too much. I can’t even express how much I liked it, it’s that good. It has a very, I’d say, “poetic” side to it. So beautiful.

A Marriage of Inconvenience - @lucaswithnoshirt

22.5k - victorian au!, arranged marriage au!

Now I have a soft spot for these particular aus and can I just say that it met every single one of my expectations. I want writer Doyoung as my husband, pls.

Ten -Chittaphon

Une seconde avant noël - @127-mile

5.2k - exes au!

Angst but it ends well. This was so cute, we need more Ten fics like this one in the world.

Ocean eyes - @lucaswithnoshirt

15k - mermaid au!, platonic au!

Okay, so this is probably one of the first fics I’ve read on this website, and it totally drew me in. I’m not used to platonic aus (and I have to admit I wished they at least kissed one but oh well) but as weird as it sounds, it wasn’t unpleasant. In fact, I quite liked it! Very cute.

Jaehyun - Yoonoh

...

Winwin - Sicheng

...

Jungwoo

...

Lucas - Xuxi/Yukhei

...

Mark

19-1664 TPX: Red - @ceruleanskies

8.6k - soulmate au!, assassin au!

Let’s be honest, soulmates au is probably one of the best aus that exists out there, and this fic does it justice. The angst is just *chef kiss*. This is part of a very interesting series that I sadly haven’t yet read in its entirety, but definitely will do in the future.

Xiaojun

...

Hendery - Kunhang

...

Renjun

Huang Renjun’s Envy - @misfitneo

17.5k - mafia au!

This is technically the pt.3 of the Seven deadly sins series by the same author, which I highly recommend too. This one was just hitting the Renjun vibes, you know. ouch ouch ouch, much angst but I love it.

One foot in the Golden life - @nsheetee

9.7k - richkid au!

Oh oh oh now that was so good. There is so few good Renjun fics out there, but this one gets the gold from me (see what I did there?).

Jeno

pussy blocked. : @luvdsc

31k - college au!, fuckboi/girl au!

Okay, I’m not a pancakes gal but... I would gladly sacrifice myself for those.

That’s it, that’s the review/description. Just go read it.

Of captains and college boys: @neocitybynight

8.2k - hockey au!

Part 2 here. (14.7k)

This fucking broke me. I felt every word slam my heart with a hockey stick until my very own soul shook.

Lee Jeno as a hockey player is hot, but Lee Jeno as a genuine and vulnerable human being is hotter.

Haechan - Donghyuck

Lights, Cameras, F*ck you (LDH) - @neocitybynight

31k - Hollywood au!

Now, I believe any Haechan stan has read this fic, and rightfully so. It’s like, the backbone of the Hyuck fics. It’s genuine and well-written, the story is really addictive. It even has a cute little epilogue. Anyhow, a must read.

Solaria - @jenoremii

2.5k - tattoo shop au!

Now of course I added this one to the list. Thank you for fuelling my fantasies about pretty man with tattoos and piercings, highly appreciated 🖤

Home is a feeling - @neonun-au

8.2k - fluff, christmas au...?

Soft soft soft for this. But really, anything by this author is so great. Check them out.

Baby Face - @smileysuh

14.4k - frat Hyuck, enemies to lovers au!

HA! As if I wouldn’t put this masterpiece on my list. I think it’s common knowledge by now that frat Hyuck is my shit. I wanna argue and fight with Hyuck too, if it ends the same way it does in this fic (pls, I’m begging). The entire Frat universe fics are bangers too (I might have read them all too, oops)

Jaemin

The owl and the moon - @jenoremii

7.5k - badboy Jaemin, highschool au!

I requested this one and boy oh boy was I not disappointed. Not the usual badboy fic you’d expect, but in a good way. It has a very comforting and familiar feeling to it.

Two nights, one you - @nctsworld

10.9k - fuckboi jaemin

Now this, this is the ultimate Jaemin fic. It has everything; fuckboi Jaemin, nice smut, slight enemies to lovers... what more can you ask for? This particular Jaemin lives rent free in my mind.

cat & mouse - @tyonfs

17.7k - fbw au!, college au!

So, I never thought I’d want to be Jaehyun’s sister so bad in my life but here I am. The tension and suspense was so... surreal lolz, I loved it. Looking forward to the Jeno fic in the same universe (slam dunk series).

Yangyang

...

Shotaro

...

Sungchan

...

Chenle

...

Jisung

Sweeter than honey - @luvdsc

30k - bestfriends to lovers au!, rich kids au!

!!NO SMUT!! cause we respectful hoes in this household

No but fuck off this was the cutest thing ever. This was such a nice change compared to all them 1k Jisung drabbles... bless you. I ate this up like candy, it was so so sweet omfg I can’t. The group dynamics were so wholesome and the characters URGH (here’s a short list cause I can): Shyshyshy BFF Jisung? Fat Check. Done™️ Renjun? Relatable Check. Football players Nomin (whose image will be forever engraved in my mind)? Legend Check. Insufferable Hyuck? Double Check. And the list goes on... I loved it. A must read for all the soft Jisung stans out there.

———————————🤍———————————

*I know, I know, I have my favorites... feel free to send me some good fics, I’ve got nothing but time to spare

Also, this will keep getting updated cause I can’t stop myself from reading fanfics until 3am so that’s that🙃

[virghogh]

Guessing NCT's rising signs: Huang Renjun as a Cancer rising

Welcome to my first post where I write all about why I think this idol is X rising sign! I don't know how many of these I'll do because it heavily depends on how confident I feel in my guess of their rising lol for Renjun's rising sign, it's something I've been sitting on for a loooong time just to see if anything else comes into my head. At the end of the day we really have no way to know for sure, even if the idols gives us their birth time it still has to be taken with a grain of salt! But it’s still fun theorize and to test your skills while learning at the same time. So for now I feel pretty confident sharing my thoughts on Renjun as a cancer rising.

Let’s ✨explore✨ why:

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧long post! *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

✦ Before I even decided to look up his chart layout, there were 2 characteristics of Renjun that initially led me to think he’s a Cancer rising. His eyes and his physique. His eyes aren’t necessarily as big as idols we’ve seen with moon in 1st, but they’re still very notable features of his physical appearance that he’s very well known for. They’re bigger, soft and dreamy, and sometimes look like he quite literally holds stars in his eyes. The biggest physical feature though is his, well, petite frame. Next to his eyes, renjun is also really well know for his smaller build. It’s even a well known inside joke amongst NCT, they all him “big shoulders renjun” (lol) because “for a guy” his shoulders a on the smaller side. Both of these physical attributes can also be identifying characteristics of cancer risings.

✦ So, in general I think he is a Cancer rising. But if we want to be more specific; I do think he is a 3rd decan Cancer rising which is the Pisces/Neptune ruled decan. I initially chose this because his house and planet placements just make so much more sense to me when the rising is in the 3rd decan (I'll get into that below), but after reading about the 3rd decan I also think it fits his personality really well! With the Neptune and Pisces influence, he's more on the open side of Cancer rising but more notably, 3rd decans are a lot more inclined to art/creativity and sometimes, music specifically. These people also have a very dreamy attraction about them. He also has his Venus trine ASC which can further add to this kind of creative vibe he gives off, but is also drawn to! It emphasizes the importance of aesthetics, art and creativity in his life. If you've never been on Renjun stan twt then you might not know that a lot of his fans see him as this incredibly dreamy and ethereal boy (as they should) and I can see why!

*:･ﾟ✧house and planet placements *:･ﾟ✧

Scorpio moon, Sagittarius Pluto in 5th:

✦ yea... just yes. Okay but actually, if you read my NCT Dream Hexaco x Birth Chart analyses, I talked a lot about his chart already because I really like it. As someone with a Scorpio moon, I can't help but be really interested in how his plays out. And I have to say, I am quite attached to this theory because I think his scorpio moon in 5th just. makes. sense. I'm not going to go much into the descriptions of the placements, I'm mostly going to stick to the house influence. We know that Scorpio moons have really intense emotions, they internalize everything and are just highly sensitive people to their environments. Renjun has been incredibly open about his mental and emotional struggles ever since being a kid. I've honestly never heard an idol talk about their struggle like he has. He even opened up recently about how a few years ago he had an art therapist that really helped him and lowkey changed his life. I feel like a lot of this can be reflected in his 5th house. The house of creativity, expression, creation. His 5th cusp is also in Scorpio. 5th house in water tend to be really drawn to arts and music. Having a Scorpio moon, a moon sign that can be quite guarded, in a fire house can also explain his readiness/openness to share his emotions and art. Also let's not forget his chart ruler is his Scorpio moon in 5th! What I've wrote above are big themes in his life, which we've seen.

✦ As for the Pluto in 5th. Because his 5th house is in Scorpio this would mean the 5th ruler is in 5th. I know it might not make sense at first because it's pluto and pluto is misunderstood. But it makes perfect sense to me. Pluto in 5th is a deeply passionate and creative placement. It bring so much energy to this house, and can even create a borderline obsession with themes of this house. With creating and expressing. But I could also see having this and his scorpio moon in this house bringing so much energy, it just kind of adds to the confusion and intensity of a scorpio moons emotions and processing abilities, like, emotionally overwhelming. Scorpio moons always need an outlet and they usually figure that out the hard way at some point in life. The outlet can vary based off the chart, his is without a doubt connected to his art; whatever that may be to him.

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Aquarius Uranus in 8th:

✦ This part is brief because it's more of like, additional details to what's already in his chart. Something that is really well known about Renjun too is how much he is into space and aliens and stuff like that. He, once again, has been very open about it lol on variety shows I've seen him light up every time its briefly mentioned and he'll comment on how much he finds that stuff interesting. The 8th house is weird, it can manifest in a lot of different ways. The biggest point here for me is that the house is in Aquarius with Uranus here. I know someone with this placement too and, while they're open minded to astrology and tarot etc. it's a bit more focused on logic. I can't say for sure because I don't know him, but he kind of strikes me as the kind of person that would fight to death over aliens existing, but draws the line at astrology lol. I actually do think he would be open to astrology and tarot, but he'd need the right introduction to it. Anyways, yea this placement to me explains a lot of his interest in space and things we don't understand. He's expressed his curiosity in it. I think a lot of this is coming from his Scorpio moon and Pisces mercury/venus which is why I think it's just additional support.

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Pisces Mercury/Venus in 9th:

✦ THIS HOUSE right here... so much to say. Firstly, Pisces in 9th is probably one of the main culprits for his creativity, deep thinking and curiosity in the world. And more importantly: his imagination. I've mentioned this a lot when I talk about renjun but, he's very well known for his creativity, but I want to make it clear that there is a distinction between creation and imagination. His imagination is truly... on another level. Well, planet actually since it's pisces! Again, amongst fans it's really well known his imagination is just so unqiue. This is less about the 9th house and more about the fact that he has 2 pisces placements but it still affects it lol. He's very open about his imagination and speaks about it so naturally. He shared his drawing of a bird, hybrid, thing? and how it's an animal that steals your dreams in your sleep. Anyways, Pisces in 9th aren't necessarily the travelers we'd see with an air or fire sign here, but they like to travel mentally. He's also talked about how he's just in general a very curious person and you can tell his thoughts probably travel far and wide in his down time.

✦ What's really interesting to me about this house is his mercury is here and Mercury in 9th is a very specific kind of placement. It almost always guarantees an interest and talent in learning languages. I don't know if languages are necessarily a passion for him but he definitely is interested and cares about learning language and other cultures. He also did pick up on Korean and English with ease. Which also reminds me that, he actually was exposed to Korean at a young age because I'm pretty sure he went to a bilingual school (chinese and korean). This is also a big deal to me because planets in 9th, especially sun/mercury often indicate very early exposure to languages or other cultures... so yea that checks out. This can also be proved by looking at his IC in Virgo, which puts the ruler in 9th. His mercury is also sextile Jupiter. I also wanna comment that he has his Mercury in the 5th degree, I'm not great at degree theory yet but that feels significant to me. Of course we cannot forget his absolutely angelic voice. Renjun is also very well known for his stunning vocals. Not only are Pisces placements musically inclined but Pisces mercury are known for their sweet voices.

✦ As for the venus is 9th, I feel like I have more to say on his venus being in Pisces because that's where so much of his artistic creativity and imagination come from. But venus here adds to a lot of what I've written above, adding to his curiosity of the world. What I find most interesting about venus in 9th though, is it brings another inclination to art! He might really like art from different places in the world, or just exploring all types of art being very open minded to its different forms etc. Venus here also brings ease to language learning, and these people will naturally have other cultures and people from them as a big part of their life. I feel like, in general it's not surprising at all to me that as a foreign member (being from China), that he would have 9th house influence! It can often manifest as like.., travel, other languages, cultures and parts of the world etc. are just very naturally a part of their life. Some people never really contemplate life overseas or in another country. But for 9th housers, it's never not been an option. His 9th house influence can also make him a great teacher, mentor and just overall supportive person. We've seen some of this in the content he's made with NCT. Like trying to teach his members chinese with Chenle, except he was taking it way more seriously lol but was so supportive. He's also tried to get Jeno and Jisung involved in his art making, but keeping the process very open and fun.

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Aries sun, Taurus mars in 10th:

✦ This is the last part I'm going to cover because it is really just the icing on the cake to finish this up. The 10th house is considered pretty important when looking at celebrities/idols because it's very likely a lot of what we see from them is their 10th house influence. In the chart model I'm using for Renjun, it puts his MC in the very last degrees of Pisces, so there's a chance it's in Aries but either way with his sun and mars here they are still playing a big role. So for that reason, I'm opting for Pisces MC. I also think Pisces MC fits though because first it puts the ruler in his 7th house. Meaning he could really benefit and work well in something that involves a group! Because it's Pisces in Neptune, it also adds to his very ethereal vibe and how people just seem to love him wherever he goes. He's very magnetic and can come off as artistic and sensitive. He's known for being dreamy, unreal, artistic, sensitive.

✦ Again, we know he has an aries sun and taurus mars so I'm not going to explain them here, just how they affect the house, but having his these here makes so much sense to me too. Having planets in 10th also influences what kind of "vibe" people get from you, and what you're "known" for. Mars and Sun bring similar energy of being well known for for energy, drive, and even stage presence. Not being afraid to be on stage, being good with attention and spotlight. He's known for his kind of playful and childish behavior at times. He is charismatic, bold, brave, happy and upbeat. With the sun, he is again known for his creativity and creations and also self-expression.

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Thank you to anyone who read all this. I don't really expect many people to because I'm mostly writing this for my own curiosity and to finally just put this theory out there! Anyways, stan Renjun best boy <33

Thoughts and feedback are always welcome <3

─────────────────────

[daegall]

Precious

pairing: huang renjun x reader

genre: fluff

warnings: food, eating

word count: 426 words

a/n: dedicated and basically inspired by the renjun simp herself, @jaemjenjam. I hope you enjoy this you bitch because you’ve been screaming single vibes and ranting and ranting about renjun so 😡. ALSO I SWEAR I WILL GET KISS HER YOU FOOL DONE SOON ITS ALMOST DONE I HAVE LIKE 3 MKRE SCENES TO WRITE 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

networks: @knet-bakery @kokonomi @neoturtles @twozeronet

Renjun thinks you look especially ethereal right now. You always were beautiful to him, but there’s just something that makes you more endearing tonight.

Maybe it was the fact that he was just hit by reality that you were actually his, or maybe it was the 20 chicken nuggets and coca cola running through his body making his thoughts filled with you.

He doesn’t know, but he likes it.

Renjun reaches out to grasp your hand in his, his other hand reaching out to pat your head on his lap. You two made the impulsive decision to go to get some McDonalds and head to the park to eat it at literally the definition of asscrack of dawn (more commonly known as 3am).

You smile at the sweet gesture of affection, slowly starting to play with his fingers and the rings on them. It’s silly how he dressed up a bit even when nobody would see it.

You don’t know it, but he puts the rings on just for you to play with them, for he knows your small habit of twisting and fiddling with them. He adores it.

Renjun also likes it when you grow bored during a boring lecture and doodle mindlessly on his hands, he can vividly feel the marker dragging across his skin as you draw a small spaceship and alien. And when you pull at his wrist to simply check the time instead of turning around to the big clock that hung on top of the door.

You catch the small twitch at the corner of his lips, reaching up to poke at the tiny dimple created. “Dimples!”

Renjun breaks into a fit of chuckles and giggles, and you find the way his dimples enlarge oddly fascinating, you want to do it again.

The dimples seem to stay permanent as he stops laughing, simply smiling down softly at you. Strangely enough, you think Renjun looms absolutely perfect, eyes squinted as he smiles, the backlight of the streetlamp behind him oddly mesmerizing as his teeth shine in the smile you love so much. You remember when he had a crooked tooth back then. You grow soft at the thought.

Gently, you reach up to cup Renjun’s soft cheeks in your palms, breaking out into an inevitable grin as he leans slightly in your touch. “You’re so beautiful.”

He feels beautiful. He feels special, loved, appreciated, he feels like the most important and precious person in the world. He is, because you’re his whole world. And he’s the most precious person to you.

[rouiyan]

𝘖𝘍𝘍 𝘐𝘊𝘌 [ 𝘭.𝘫𝘯 ]

⧏ jeno's installment of the keep your cool collective ⧐

synopsis: he likes to think it's romantic how he always finishes your sentences for you. you think it's annoying that he keeps interrupting you.

✧ ice hockey player!lee jeno x (fem.) tutor!reader ✧ college au

✧ genres : fluff, angst, slightly suggestive ✧ word count : 4.4k ✧ disclaimers : mentions of sexual activities, swearing

✧ author’s note — same universe as my puck in your goal which does not need to be read first but can be. also, hi @crownily i did it :)

let's just say jeno sucks at school and that the one thing he doesn't suck at is hockey, ice hockey. and let's just say that you're his tutor, strictly for tutoring purposes. yet, here you find yourself at his doorstep at 3:47 in the morning, or so your phone says.

he opens up to see you clad dressed down, different from the neat tee and skirt he's so used to. to be completely honest, jeno has never felt anything towards you and even he himself finds that hard to believe since you're everything he could ever ask for in a girl. pretty and cute, snappy but sweet, the most perfect curve of lips and above all, you're an intellectual. he finds it attractive but he isn't attracted to you, per se.

jeno wished he would though, especially now that he's suffering from what he called you here for in the first place: an extreme case of breakup.

one hand leaning your weight on the doorframe, the right of your shit rides up. jeno bites down on his lip, retracting his eyes to your face. "let me get this straight, you called me here, at this time of night, to get me to help you with what exactly?" so what if he thought fucking you would be a good way to keep his mind off things? too bad he didn't think any further than that. the words come to his as he speaks, "i just thought that- that...you- you would be awake at this time! because you know- you like to study…did i interrupt anything?"

donning a dreary expression, you nod in clarification, "yeah, you interrupted my studying."

"right, okay, i'll let you get back to that," he turns in haste as if to close the door behind him but you catch it with your heel, a scowl making its way across your face at what you were about to say, "forget it, jen, i'm already here. what do you need help with?" you stare into his back, his widening eyes unbeknownst to you. he turns again, now deliberate in motion, just to give him as much time to get his bearings together. lifting one shoulder in suggestion, and truthfully confusion, his voice is a pitch higher when he responds, "...studying?"

and that's how he finds himself staring into the crack between the wall and the far end of his desk, your figure hovering above him but not in the way he'd planned for, planned poorly for. jeno is on edge and frankly, he feels incredibly bad because he doesn't understand anything that comes from your mouth and the words you jot down on his paper before him all seem to collide and blur into each other. that's when he realizes he's started crying.

and that's when you're rendered speechless as the boy sits there, the little tracks running down his face wetting the paper you were teaching off of. "jeno, oh my god. fuck, you good?" you don't want to come off as prying so you avoid the whole 'why' notion but you're not that socially inept to miss that he didn't call you here at such an ungodly hour of morning just to get some unpaid tutor hours in and he certainly isn't crying because he doesn't understand shit. 

a hand of his is sifting through his hair while another rubs harshly down the side of his face. "i don't think you should- i'm just gonna go get you some tissues, i'll- i'll go get that." you turn on your heel and navigate your way from his room to the kitchen you'd passed on the way in. it's dark and you know he has roommates, you were less than willing to make your presence known. to your dismay, the kitchen was currently being occupied by a man whom you've yet to identify, being only two steps in when you stop in your tracks. 

he identifies you first, "y/n, what are you doing here?" and you pick up from the voice that it's donghyuck. your foot hits a cabinet before your eyes get a chance to adjust to the lighting, "fuck, yeah i'm here with jeno, well i'm not- not like that, we're just studying."

"just studying?" there's no way to see it but you swear the cock of his brows is apparent as it would be at day. you hum in response, fingers trying to make out the paper towel dispenser you were sure you caught a glimpse of on the way in. "so you're saying," he pulls out his phone and the light that emits from the screen is enough to guide you in the right direction before he shoves is back in his pocket. "that you booked a tutoring session with him at 4:19 a.m.?"

tearing one, then two, from the dispenser, you distractedly let a disbelieving, "yup," past your lips. hyuck scrutinizes you in the dark and his next words nearly shock you out of your skin, "is he fucking you because he just got dumped? is that why?"

you swivel at lightning speed, "he what?" hand over his mouth, donghyuck seems genuinely apologetic, though you wouldn't put it past him if he was not, "shit, you didn't know?" folding the paper towels two times over in your hands, you gingerly across the room to where the boy is seated, "i mean, i know that he didn't call me here just to study but that's legitimately what we ended up doing." he doesn't answer for awhile so you follow up with a question, "you think he wants to fuck me?"

hyuck looks you straight in the eye, "yeah, yeah i do." it hangs unsaid in the air between the two of you, but it's within both of your knowledge that jeno only wanted you here for sexual relief from his frustrations, that whatever else could be denoted by the deed was simply inapplicable for this situation. you shake your head of the thoughts, "so, what are you doing up this early?" you know that there is a weary and weeping jeno you have to get back to but you also know that your presence is somewhat unwelcome there, uncomfortable even, while he wades in his fit of tears.

hyuck replies with a heavy tone, "he gave me some things to think about too."

and you jump to conclusions all too quickly, "he wants to fuck you too?"

"god, y/n, no."

a weak laugh lining your demeanor after the last of the interaction, you reenter jeno's room to find him sprawled wide, his back to the bed. "hey," you preface as you round upon his bed, setting the paper towels on his nightstand. it seemed his tears had run their race and his eyes were now staring lethargically into the ceiling. perching yourself on the edge, you reach to place a hand atop one of his, giving two reassuring squeezes. "need anything?"

only now does jeno seem to take note of your arrival, his eyes hooded eyes flit to you for half a second before resolutely tugging you by the hand you had clasped within his. "what-" your breath is stolen from you as your back hits his chest. jeno drapes his arms across you front, "jeno, what-"

"i need a pillow, that's what i need."

you blink, trying to make sense of your thoughts, "did you ask me here to fuck you numb?" his body goes rigid underneath yours and you're right to assume that you've pinpointed the answer. "i'm right, huh?" eyeing downwards, his fingers are fiddling for you to see. after a few moments laid in bated breath, he lets weakly, "sorry about that, it's not gonna happen."

"yeah no shit," is said dulcetly despite the denotation. you feel his chuckles reverberate beneath you. "i'm really sorry, i swear i don't think of you that way." a smile upon your own face, you turn in his arms to place an expression to his voice. propping your head up on your folded arms, your arms atop his chest, you peer into his eyes sincerely. there is much that needs to be said, the reasonings behind his unexpected breakdown and the closeness you suddenly feel with still have to be addressed. but at this hour in the morning, you can't bring yourself to. 

instead you query, "should i stay the night?" he peers into your eyes with equal sincerity when he responds, "it's already early morning, you'd probably be off better sleeping here." giving a soft nod and a few moments to rearrange your thoughts, you perk up again just as he's about to fall asleep. he isn't annoyed in the slightest, rather he smiles at that, your voice, "do you have practice tomorrow?"

it's his turn to give a nod in response. "wanna come watch?" your arms move around his chest, encasing him like how he's encased you. hiding your smile in the front of his sweatshirt, your voice comes out muffled, "i'd love to but i'm a bit busy, jen. next time, maybe."

at your response, it's the first time that jeno feels, acknowledges, that his heart drops, even though it's in the slightest. there's an image of you in the stands, your textbooks in your lap and glasses sliding down the bridge of your nose. the image moves as he moves cross the rink and you look up when he passes by, eyes bright and a small smile and thumbs up in encouragement. from then on, it's that image that's plastered in his mind every time he thinks of you, that one self-conjured image. 

jeno feels his heart drop even more when he awakes to an empty bed. he finds that the text that you've sent in departure isn't nearly enough to repair his spirits, he wishes you were there instead.

practice sucks ass the next day and the day after that, he doesn't pay it any mind, knowing more than well enough how renjun whispers of the news of his breakup among the members. he doesn't hold it against him though, after all, his ex is his teammate's best friend. jeno thinks it hurts the most when his ex shows up at the next game, the one he'd invited you to when you'd crossed paths on campus a few days ago. he finds himself in a weird predicament between trying to forget about a girl and chasing after another one. he can't tell if he really likes you or if he just needs a rebound.

today, jeno decides it's the latter because he's fuming the entire game at how hyuck would send winks in her direction, how he would skate up to the edge of the rink to converse with her during their breaks. jeno hates how she's moved on all too easily and he feels and urge to prove that he can do the same. he wants to prove to himself.

he's let almost every goal in by the time the buzzer signals the end of the final round. the coach reprimands him because at this point, he might as well be from the opposing team. the helmet is off in a split second, he showers for the briefest of moments, only allowing the water to slosh across his body one time before he's patting himself dry. jeno slips the towel from his shoulder throws on a hoodie in its stead. he's out the locker room in bare minutes where he comes face to face with you. you, with the little sheepish, apologetic smile on your face. you, who'd just arrived from your shift at the local cat adoption center, late for the game but in just time for him. you, the only person he's been aching to see the whole day. but even now, he's unsure of exactly why. 

"y/n, hey," he's by your side in an instant, hesitant in his actions but words tumbling out nonetheless, "you came. late, but...you came."

you meet him in the middle, hands coming up to your aid and waving nonsensically as you speak, "i'm so sorry, my shift was extended and i forgot to tell my boss beforehan-"

"it's fine, i'm just glad you're here." he readjusts the bag onto his shoulders in a nervous fit. he barely manages to make eye contact with you and he wonders when he started to feel this way about you or, again, the desire for a rebound, his need for a taste of vengeance is willing him to act this way. jeno shrugs off the thought and fills the silence with an offer, "so do you wanna go...do something together?" 

jeno should know by now. the little sparkle that glints in your eyes and the way his stomach upturns itself in response. he should know by now how much you like him too. hyuck exits the locker rooms in that instant, he greets you in passing as he joins a girl up ahead. you turn back to jeno, momentarily distracted, only to find his gaze hardened and fixed on the girl. a sickening feeling erupts within you as you begin to piece one and one to make two. 

he turns back to you and you avoid his gaze. the shift in your countenance jolts him as much as his had jolted you. you lick your lips before looking back up at him, your own eyes guarded. he wishes he knew why. "jeno, i'm gonna have to rain check. i just- i thought of something- something came up. i have to go."

you're stalking away from him before he can even process it. he's lucky that his strides are long because he catches your wrist right before you get to the exit, "y/n," he tugs gently so that you turn to him but he's caught off guard even more when he sees the tears that have begun to form in your eyes. "why are you like this all of a sudden? what happened?"

you shake your head at him, hurriedly swallowing the sobs before you can embarrass yourself even further, "nothing, jeno. i just realized something." you stare down at his wrist expectantly but he only clutches it tighter, "then, what did you realize?"

he lets go of your wrist now and you feel like your heart couldn't get any heavier as you answer, "i realized that i'm just a fill-in until you get over her." jeno sucks in a breath as he watched the words leave your mouth, as he watches you turn and leave, and he hears more tears bubble from your frame, the sounds receding the farther you walk from him. for some reason, it's only when you tell him so that he understands that he feels the exact opposite.

it's only when you shove it in his face, your own face scrunched up in tears, that he's only going after you as a rebound, when he sees his feelings for what they really are. honest, jeno finds it hard to believe that he's never felt anything towards you since you're everything he could ever ask for in a girl. pretty and cute, snappy but sweet, the most perfect curve of lips and above all, you're an intellectual. he finds it attractive, he finds you attractive. fuck it, he likes you.

fortunately for him and unfortunately for you, your next tutoring session was scheduled for just a few days after, just enough time for him to get his act together and enough for you to cool your head enough sift through the thirty or so voice mails he'd left you. most of them seem to contain the same rueful, repentant tone, though a few seem to be displaying his slow spiral into self-deprecation. you're pretty sure the last is a mistake, a butt dial maybe.

jeno's not proficient with the knife, definitely not with how he's cutting the pears right now. he thinks he would've been better off bringing bananas but that would've seemed too insincere, wouldn't it? his thoughts are jumbling and sludging against one another when a finger of his slips and the fine edge of the knife is pressed on a knuckle. "fuck," he swears, his other hand already reaching over to the sink to run the cut under cold water. the sting is piercing and he looks away from the cut to the clock overhead. "double fuck," he mutters this time. the last thing he needs right now is you thinking that he stood you up. 

with steadfast athleticism, he finishes off the last of the pears with one hand. he's sure you'd laugh at the whole debacle if you were there though he's thankful you're not. jeno faces the fear that he sucks at everything except ice hockey, and he's barely getting by these days. he only ever feels confident on the rink with his stick in hand, crouched low so his eyes were level with the ice. he's never felt that much control over anything else, much less confessing to a girl and trying, somehow, to show that she was of much more worth than what he'd made it seem like. 

the library is a ten minute walk from his house, a three minute sprint. yes, he had sprinted. 

he knows for a fact that pears were the right way to go when you let the tiniest of smiles adorn your face at the sight of him setting the tupperware in front of you. you check your expression back into taut impassivity before he can indulge in his victory any longer. he knows you're not half as mad as you present yourself to be but that doesn't mean he'd take his mistakes lightly and go about this sleazily. jeno needs your trust. 

you resist the urge to reach over and flip over the hair that stood upright on the wrong side of his head. reverting your eyes onto the computer screen before you, "let's get started." not a half hour into your session, you're spaced out, eyes zoned onto the way jeno spins his pen between his fingers. maybe it's the lack of sleep that's getting to you.

"y/n? you good?"

you swallow thickly, removing your gaze from his hands, from him, from his paper, from anything that has to do with him. you notice how your chair has inched closer to his, or his to yours, you notice the finger-wide distance between you and him. shivers are sent down your spine. "let's take a break, is that fine?" jeno, from beside you, yawns and for a brief second you think he's about to pull the stretch and hand around shoulder trick. you blush unknowingly. 

jeno speaks before you can ask to resume the session, "can i say something?"

"is it work related?" you give your best efforts at keeping your voice level and head turned somewhat in his direction. in your peripheries, he cocks his head to the right, "...no, but we're on break." almost letting a huff escape your complexion, you relent, "fine then, shoot," figuring he would say it anyways.

"i want you to come to our next game."

you're lucky you had the whole scenario thought through, at least something can be harvested from your late nights spent tossing and turning, "i don't think i can-"

"y/n, i haven't even told you when."

"okay fine," you wrinkle your nose in distaste and hand out the truth for him to see, or hear, "i just don't want to." jeno is doing his best, he really is, but he knows that you've heard all that he has to say, if not once, then twenty-nine times over. the last one was a mistake. "did you get my voicemails?"

sighing, you chance a glance at him to see that he isn't the slightest bit annoyed, face drawn into a frown of sorts. you'll never admit that even just the sight could soften your set mindset. consideration replays in your irises when you answer the yes or no question with a decisive nod.

"then i'm sure you understand why i want you to come."

jeno lets you drive him home that day, he'd be the last to complain. the ride is silent from start to finish until right when he's about to close the passenger door, the car parked in front of his shared house. an, "i'll think about it," is what he's left to brew over for the next week or so as he stares that the text, read and unreplied, that he'd sent to remind you of the day and time of the game. he's anxious but it's only to that extent.

it's becoming more and more evident that jeno is loosing his touch on ice. he hates that the only thing he can attribute it to is his dwindling love life. he finds that the enforcer is atypically rough today but he's glad that his role at the goal requires the least interaction and footwork. he'd promised his coach that he would be more wary of his surroundings but he can't help the occasional glance at the rink entrance every once in awhile. what he doesn't understand is that his definition of 'once in awhile' marks at around every thirty seconds.

the last round is the most painful, undoubtedly, because it's as if his defeat is being dragged on and on, as if the giant timer above the rink is ticking to the heartbeat of a dead man. 

jeno can is aware that he's breathing. he's aware but he has to double check when the entrance doors open for the last time that game and you've arrived. you're standing by the doorway, apprehensive, but jeno can't get it past his head that you've arrived, that you're here. he'd have gotten decked in the face had you not motioned your head in the direction of the fast approaching puck and the burly man behind it.

he blocks the shot and every shot after. there's no need to wonder why.

the buzzer rings in his head so quick that he thinks time runs on his emotions rather than the clock. his helmet is often in seconds and he's making his way at supersonic speeds to the part of the rail where you're stood. the glass fogs with his breath as he tries to get his words across. 'i'll be quick,' he mouths. 

you count two minutes until he's off ice. jeno hasn't bothered to shower, he lacks the patience for it. he sits you down on the lowest of the bleachers, closest to the rink. standing over you, he finds that he has so much to say, so many things he wants to let you know, all the feelings he's ever bottled up for the girl so obviously made for him.

he's never had much of a way with words but he thinks that the romance movies hyuck's made him watch over the years give a pretty good overview of what to say in situations like these, "i'd cross the world for you." you snort back at him, nose crinkling in distaste at his choice of words and poking fun at him with your own, "rink, jeno. you mean you'd cross the rink for me."

"y/n, i'm tryna do something here," he whines, the pout on display mimicking his displeased but light-hearted implications. you're equally as amused, "oh yeah? what are you tryna do?"

"i'm tryna," he takes your two arms in his and wraps them around his middle. you instinctively fist the fabric of his blue jersey at the back, "jeno, what are you-" you stop when a hand of his own comes to trace the lines of your face softly. maybe he can't find the words but surely he could show you. if he could just…"you keep interrupting me, jeno."

drawn from his resolution, he's snappy when he retorts, "i think as your boyfriend i ought to have that privilege."

"boyfriend? since when did you-"

"i just did," he revels in the idea that you think him to be smooth with words when in reality the 'boyfriend' was a slip up, a mirror of his daydreams. he's over the moon that it worked out in his favor. while he fixates on just how much he feels for you, you're playfully annoyed at a whole other, "stop fucking interrupting me, jen-"

"i love you."

you blink up at him. well shit. a lot of things are happening and you lack the brain cells to process them. there's only one thing you can think to do, only one think that you're thinking about, have been thinking about, will still be thinking about. 

he may be the one to steal words right from your mouth but beyond that he's oblivious, you think. the smile still plays on his lips when he follows up, "is it okay to interrupt you if i say something like tha-"

you press a smile of your own onto his lips, cutting his words effectively. a hand of yours moves up to the curve of his neck to bring him down further, the angle at which he is kissing giving him all the advantage he needs to deepen it. when you part, you aren't surprised to see how half your body is leaning on the row of seats behind you and that jeno's entire body is sprawled on yours, supported by a knee on one side of you. 

you like your lips as you feel his breath hot on yours. "how's it feel now?"

shaking his head, jeno presses his temple to yours so that the only thing you can see is him, just him. "interrupt me any day, will you?"

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

✧ end note — wrote this up in approx. three hours. lee jeno is so rude for interrupting all my other wips (that are also mostly for him). i hope you enjoyed because i did, i freaking love writing for him <3

[shwazzberryswriting]

Twisted, Act 3

*Day 25*

Haechan😘🙄☺️: gd morning babe hdyf need me 2 go 2 target

Lawan: Babe I got big news

Haechan😘🙄☺️: ?

Lawan: I have to buy new bedsheets CUZ MY PERIOD CAME LAST NIGHT my sheets are ruined I spent the last 20 min scrubbing my mattress

Haechan😘🙄☺️: alot of tmi babe but does this mean i can take u out for shots wanna smoke a celebratory blunt

Lawan: 🙄 its not even 9AM yet babe

Haechan😘🙄☺️: where r u getting bedsheets

Lawan: you were saying something about Target?

Haechan😘🙄☺️: want me to come get u we can go to 119

ill help u finish cleaning

ill make u lunch

Lawan: see u in 20?

Haechan😘🙄☺️: 15

Lawan: 😘

Lawan watched Haechan in the driver’s seat of her car, his blue hoodie covering his messy brown hair. He looked at home singing along to the music as he adjusted the volume to the sound system. His confidence in parallel parking made her grateful that he offered to drive them as they were out running errands.

She needed a bit of a break. She’d woken up early to find herself looking like she was in a horror movie, her pajama shorts and blue bedsheets were ruined with large red period stains. Currently, her room stunk of all purpose cleaner and antibacterial spray. She had been nearly done with cleaning her mattress when Haechan had texted her.

“So you’re not pregnant but your bedsheets are ruined,” Haechan said, turning the car off.

“I’d rather have a crappy morning cleaning my mattress than have a baby in like, 8 months or something.”

They shuddered together before exiting the car. 119 was a tea shop that opened early on the weekends. Haechan enjoyed going to 119 for the free upgrades. A couple of his NCT frat brothers worked there, and that morning Mark was working. It was easy to talk him into giving them discounts.

“Are you going to get a milk tea or fruit slush?” he asked her as they stood in line. She rested her hands over his arms wrapped around her waist from behind. “Coffee milk tea or strawberry milk slush?”

“So you’ve been keeping track of my orders?” she said, trying to keep her eyes open as Haechan kissed her cheek.

“We spend so much time together babe, I just know what you like,” he said, resting his head against hers. “What will I order?”

“Coffee milk tea or white grape slush,” she replied. His hold on her tightened for a second.

“I think you like me more.” His voice had made her nipples hard, which caused her cheeks to grow hot.

“Haechan?” a familiar voice said from behind. Loosening his hold, Haechan turned his head over. Lawan followed, and felt her whole face turn hot. Renjun, another NCT frat brother, was arm in arm with his girlfriend, Alexandria. “Hey, Lawan.”

“I knew it,” Alexandria said with a wide grin, shaking Renjun’s arm. “Renjun, didn’t I tell you last night that I thought they were, like, hooking up?”

“You were gossiping about us?” Haechan asked. Lawan wanted him to release her. It was hitting her that she and Haechan were legitimately dating. As in, their friends would know that they’d been doing more than just watching movies in each other’s rooms. He held her firmly against him as her nerves made her feel like her knees would give way. “But yeah, I guess you can say it’s official.”

“How did you two go from bickering about homework to...this?” Alexandria asked. Her eyes were shining bright as the corners of her eyes crinkled up and her mouth widened into a big smile.

“We’ve been getting along better,” Haechan replied, giving a shrug.

“Why? Because you were hookups first?” Renjun asked. He broke out into an innocent smile as Haechan let go of Lawan, his eyes narrowing.

“Hey! What’s up, guys?” their cashier, Mark, greeted them, relieving the tension in the air. “Yo, dude, my manager stepped out for the day. Johnny came in here and piled on the free shit. You want a cookie with your order?”

“We’ll just get our drinks,” Renjun said stoically, but began stuffing a few individually wrapped cookies into his leather bag.

“Don’t mind Renjun,” Alexandria said to Lawan, resting her body against the counter. “I’m happy to see you two together, but I do want to know how this all happened.”

“Haechan bought me a pineapple daiquiri,” Lawan replied before trying to rub her tongue up against the roof of her mouth. It felt like rubbing a sponge up against a brick wall, her mouth parched. “He’s helped me a lot lately.”

Haechan handed her a sugar cookie decorated to look like a pineapple with royal icing, distracting her and Alexandria. Despite Alexandria smiling at the gesture, Lawan didn’t know how to feel. She wanted to find the gesture sweet, but she worried that Haechan was only doing so to look good in front of their friends. The idea sounded absurd, but she couldn’t stop herself from worrying that Haechan was only putting on a show.

“Um, dude, I think that’s overdoing it,” Mark said, reaching over to stop Renjun from grabbing all the treats placed on display.

“So you like Johnny more than you like us?” Haechan asked.

“What if I told you I could double the boba in your drinks?” Mark replied.

“Not Dria’s, please,” Renjun said. Haechan seized the opportunity to tease Renjun for being so caring about his girlfriend’s drinks preferences.

As Haechan and Renjun heckled Mark, Lawan thought about what she and Haechan would say to their friends about how they became a couple. They hadn’t exactly lied, but Renjun’s joke had Lawan sweating for a second, thinking that he knew their whole history.

She was able to feign a smile and banter with their friends about why they were up so early. Renjun and Alexandria were trying to beat the large crowds at a new art museum that was featuring a collection of works done by Frank Stella in the 1970s through to the 1980s. By the way Haechan nodded passively to Renjun’s excited ramble, Lawan felt relieved to know that she wasn’t the only one who didn’t know who Frank Stella was.

Alexandria invited them to join, and take advantage of their student discounts. The first weekend of the month meant the tickets were discounted by another 5% on top of the 10% student discount. After thanking Mark for the free upgrades and cookies, Haechan and Lawan declined to join. She spent the rest of her day with Haechan, but she still struggled to let go of her worries.

*Day 30*

The lunch rush had been busy and frantic, but she’d gotten a lot of large tips. There was a tech fair near the university campus, so the out-of-town visitors gave generous tips. Since she’d worked 3 days in a row, Lawan had her entire weekend off. It didn’t mean much since she was stacked with homework.

“Lawan, can you check the front locks before leaving?” Ruby asked from the back office in the kitchen. They were the last people in the restaurant, the pair to clean up and set up for the dinner shift.

“All right,” she called out as she put the strap to her purse over her shoulder. Ruby and Lawan had done the lunch rush so often, they’d come to clean up in less than 30 minutes with their routine. “See you later, Ruby!”

“Bye.”

Her eyes were shut as she sighed when she exited the kitchen to check the front door’s lock. She was going down her list of errands before heading home. HMart for rice and produce, bank to withdraw money she owed her roommates, and then home for dinner and homework. She needed to take some aspirin for her headache and sore feet.

When she opened her eyes, the last thing she wanted to see was staring her in the face. She stopped in her steps as she stood beside the back end of the restaurant’s bar. Seated at the second to last chair nearest to her was Haechan, two pineapple daiquiris in front of him. Her face turned hot as his gaze was steady, his expression did not change as he turned his body toward her direction.

“Are you trying to ghost me?” Haechan asked.

She pressed her lips together and looked down at the daiquiris. Of course, Ruby wouldn’t warn her about Haechan paying her a visit. They hadn’t talked about Haechan when Lawan said she didn’t want to, but the fact that Ruby brought up Haechan at all was telling enough that Ruby liked Haechan and Lawan dating.

Seeing him in the flesh made the guilt she’d tried ignoring come rushing forth, making her whole face hot. Pulling out the metal chair before her, she sat down beside him, and set her purse down onto the bar counter. After the day she got her period, Lawan had gotten cold feet and ignored Haechan’s texts, telling herself her schoolwork was more important.

“I need time to think,” she replied, her eyes fixed on the daiquiri sitting closest to her. The maraschino cherry was slowly sinking into the deflating whipped cream.

“You could have texted me that,” he replied, his tone remaining level. “I would have understood.”

“Right, because you’re the perfect boyfriend,” she said with a scoff. Guilt clouded her vision immediately and she shut her eyes before looking up into Haechan’s face.

“I don’t have to chase you, Lawan,” he replied, his expression unmoved. “If you don’t want to date me, that’s fine. Just don’t be an asshole about rejecting me.”

“Haechan,” she said, feeling her throat tighten. She blinked away the tears that threatened to come. “I’m sorry. I like you, I’m just...feeling insecure. You deserve better.”

“What’s up?” he asked, turning his body toward her, touching his knee to hers. His eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“That morning we ran into Alexandria and Renjun, I just,” she paused as she looked away. She felt ashamed to think about the judgment her mom received for being a young mother. The world felt more modern than old patriarchal standards of her grandparents’ age (hell, even her mom’s), but the threat of potentially being knocked up while in college scared the shit out of Lawan. “I don’t want people to think you and I were stupid that day we hooked up. It all came from such a cynical place.”

“You think our relationship is cynical?” he asked, his eyebrows raised. He grabbed one of the daiquiris and took a drink from the red straw.

“You really wanted to date me after we hooked up?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “Like, you really think we would have begun dating had the condom not broken?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “Life didn’t work out that way. Maybe I was feeling horny and you were too, and that was supposed to be it between us, but like, come on. I know my concerns for you weren’t cynical, especially last week. Is that how you see our relationship? You only dated me because you don’t want people to judge you for being a horny idiot? Condoms break all the time.”

“Haechan,” she said with a laugh, furrowing her eyebrows as she sat up straight. She looked around despite knowing that they were alone. Reaching out to touch his wrist, she apologized as she saw him frown, his jaws tightening. “I like you. I like you so much. Every night I’ve been going to bed, crying, thinking about you, knowing I can’t just stop talking to you. I haven’t been fair to you, I’m sorry. It’s not you that is the problem, it’s me remembering how tough it was to grow up seeing my mom struggle a lot. All that hard work she put into raising me, and I could have been in a similar situation.”

“I would never walk out on you,” Haechan said, leaning closer to her.

“It’s not about you,” she replied. “It’s about me. It’s about how scared I was. I just...I needed time to sort through my feelings. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to worry you.”

“So you shut me out?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, standing up. He had a point. It was a shitty move not to consider his feelings. “I really am. I’ll need to communicate with you more. I want you to be my boyfriend, Haechan. I want to be your girlfriend. Will you forgive me?”

He sighed and shut his eyes. A few tears rolled down his cheeks and it was her turn to sigh. Whenever he scrunched his eyes shut and opened his mouth into a wide grimace she knew they were crocodile tears. Instead of calling him out, she kissed his tears away and combed her fingers through his hair. She planted two kisses onto each of his beauty marks, one near his eye and the other on his cheek.

“I’m so sorry, babe,” she said softly, pulling him into a hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

His arms wrapped around her waist and he lifted his head to plant a kiss onto her neck.

“Let’s go home,” he said, standing up with her. He draped his arm over her shoulder.

As they began on their walk to the NCT frat house, Lawan pressed herself closer to Haechan. His body was warm, and his hold was comforting.

“Are you always this forgiving?” she asked. She’d expected him to do a little more guilt tripping. Perhaps go on a scripted monologue about how she iced him out with her cold heart.

“No,” he replied, looking down at her for a second, “but I did make a promise to you at Costco, do you remember?”

“You did?”

“If I was your boyfriend,” he said plainly, “I’d never let you go.” They were just a few steps away from the driveway to the frat house.

“Don’t finish that,” she said. They’d stopped walking. Despite herself, a smile was growing on her lips, hurting her cheeks. “You’re my boyfriend. You don’t need to-”

“Keep you on my arm, girl-”

“Stop. I don’t like this Bieber song.”

“You'd never be alone.”

“Donghyuck, I mean it.”

“And I can be a gentleman, anything you want.”

“Haechan.”

“If I was your boyfr-”

She shut him up by grabbing his face and kissing him.

---

Thank you for reading! 💚