#ive been eating too much KFC

[shamelessobjectglitter]

soba-371kcal

leftover kfc-250kcal

boba-194kcal

caramel bun-358kcal

happy hippo-122kcal

cake roll-104kcal

cheesecake yogurt-190kcal

-----------------

walking=424kcal

sit-ups=1,200kcal

i walked more than expected because my mum needed something from the shop.

idk why i overate its not like i planned or binged, i just realised i was over by 150kcal and decided to say fuck it, i shouldn't have, that was so stupid, i couldn't even purge after, hopefully the exercise will mean i wont burn too much, and maybe the heart palpitations ive been having all week (which is making it hurt to lay down before eating) and the dizziness will be less tomorrow, i will only eat dinner tomorrow, no snacks, no matter what my mum gets

also idk what to log for exercise while unpacking because im technically on one place so my steps aren't counted, but im lifting heavy boxes and bags, i might just leave it, those extra calories burnt will probably be too small to matter anyway

[quodekash]

its 1pm and im finally well-rested enough to watch last nights episode of abaab, wish me luck (im rly excited for more threezo pls gimme more threezo) 

im eating a pomegranate while watching so my commentary may be slightly limited 

NOOO CHER WHY ARE YOU SAD ITS GONNA MAKE ME SAD 

i just accidentally sprayed pomegranate juice everywhere 

this is my first time eating a pomegranate and im sitting on my bed 

i have a towel on top of me just in case and im glad i have it 

otherwise my funky hufflepuff blanket would look like a crime scene rn 

anyway back to the show 

awh :[ 

comforting kiss 

im gonna cry 

“its not a company owner and an intern. its just you and me.” GHEIBRHGERH THATS SO PERFECT and also makes me feel better cos i was still feeling a little weird about the power imbalance/age gap so yay 

THEY HUG

NO, BC YOU WONT BREAK UP 

THIS IS THE HAPPIEST FLUFFIEST SHOW, I WILL NOT ALLOW IT 

JACK, YOU AND YOUR PERFECT HAIR, HELLO 

THREEZO 

LOOK AT ZO’S LITTLE HEART JUMPER

I WANT IT 

THE ARM THE HAND ON THE ARM LOOK AT THEM AAAAAAATYFYTUUVJ (ft jacks perfect hair on the left) 

OMG

THATS AMAZING 

IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU JACK 

GJERKDGBKRHEBGKJREBJGRE 

ah shoot 

wait hang on 

what the hell 

ive been wondering whats in that folder since day one

ohhhh okay its a groupchat 

props to that one person for saying its none of your business 

yOU HAVE ONE OF THOSE?? 

i nearly dropped my pomegranate 

why was i surprised to learn he has a mother 

a lot of people have mothers 

thats exactly what she said, isnt it? 

bc theyre actually in a drama 

its gonna cut to a scene of her saying exactly that 

damn i was wrong 

thERE’S A HUG QUOTA??? 

damn then i guess im going to jail 

my hands are covered in pomegranate juice this feels like a murder 

hey, does pomegranate juice wash off? 

MY BOY AND HIS EYEBROWS 

HAH, SUCKS TO BE YOU (checks notes) oregano? 

i do love that and that’s very sweet, but bro needs his coffee 

already at two kisses and were not even halfway through the episode. if only tinngun could live up to their standard. 

(this is mostly a joke, im just really salty because tinngun COULD have kissed SIXTY-SEVEN FREAKING TIMES and they DIDNT and no i will not shut up about this i spent way too long combing through the show counting every single time they didnt kiss to not mention it every single time any characters kiss. shameless self promo here)

no wait hang on what the hell 

WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN??? 

“drunk or not, i love you” i see now why that line was significant 

and also the slight breakup foreshadowing earlier 

i understand it now 

they wont break up tho bc (i pull out a sword) i will not allow it 

(just kidding) 

(i dont have a sword) 

(if i did have one tho i would absolutely take it out of its sheath right at that moment) 

FRIENDSHIP COMFORT TIME 

YAY FRIENDSHIP 

they make me happy 

HIS PERFECT HAIR 

I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH GFYTDFYTFCUTVJHV

oh yay we get some tub time!! i cant wait to learn more about him so that i can pick him apart and do a character autopsy on him to find out how he works! 

is he speaking from experience? tub, what do you have going on in life? what have you gone through? tell me all about it :] 📝📝

is it texas chicken or is it kfc? 

MY BOYS 

IM GONNA CRY THEYRE SO FREAKING CUTE 

ilysm three 

RIGHT????? he gets it 

THREEZOOOOOO

i love them so much

NOOOOOO

CHE??? 

something good better happen 

(eret son of eret voice) is tha’ who i fink i’ is? 

it might not be 

if anyone knows who plays this man, pls lemme know 

NOOOOOOO NOT THE GAMEBOY 

OH IT GOT WORSE 

sir do you have the technical skills for this 

i know hes the head of a game developing company thing but the actual physical insides of a gameboy are an entirely different thing, right? 

i was waiting for the thoop situation to come up again 

the MOOD that this is-

i have finished my pomegranate and can confirm that the juice does in fact come off of human skin, which is nice bc i looked like id murdered someone 

👀

and how are you gonna do that, gun? 

idk man, i reckon id appreciate you as my big bro 

yayyy that was really good, a little bitter at times but really sweet overall. 7/10, would try again 

oh and the episode was also really good 

huge lack of threezo tho 

theyd better make up for it next week 

still good tho 

bye bye everyone! have a good day!! 

[darude-cumstorm]

ofc i would notice asap, bestie!! <333 i am so happy that you are again active on here (but take breaks when you feel too overwhelmed!) & also feel free to share or lmk if i can help you w sg to make you feel better!!!

i have been doing rather ok tho i have some periods of feeling a bit blue and uninspired... i am also back home for a couple of weeks so it's nice to see my relatives and enjoy the nice weather (not sm today and yesterday haha)

what are your plans for the weekend?? hope it will be an amazing one!! sending you lots of hugs <3333

I honestly dont feel overwhelmed, its just that now I domt want to just rot in my free time and I missed tumblr and my moots on here :3

I will actually share the situation with you but not on here bc its kinda personal (which yeah I know its tumblr nothing is personal on here but still)

Feeling bad sometimes is normal and you shouldnt think about it too much! And Im here if you need any help or just someone to listen ;33 <33

The weather here is so shitty Im honestly a bit sympathetic abt ur situation because I got my paid vacation from work exactly now that the weather is going crazy style on us

I went to the cinema and watched dune 2! It was fun and I ate some kfc and a lot of popcorn. Ive been having some problems with eating again tbh so this is some good news :3

What are your plans for the weekend? Has it been going fine? Are you going out and about now that you're here? I hope you're eating and aleeping enough <33

All the hugs and love bestie <33333

[avo-kat]

so ive been a vegan for uhhhh 2 1/2 years?

and theres one thing i miss the most:

chicken wings. specifically those from kfc.

the weirdest thing? i havent eaten kfc chicken wings in like 5 years. way before going vegan. but i keep thinking i wanna eat chicken wings, in the last few months even more.

(and i will not eat chicken wings. i miss them, but i have no desire to eat meat, just fyi.)

and today i realized why:

i worked at kfc once, and it was a terrible experience, because working retail is a special kind of hell, but i was able to eat from the menu on my break. and i liked chicken wings the most. it was like a treat, for all the stress. the single light during a shitty shift.

so obviously when im feeling stressed i keep thinking about eating chicken wings as some kind of treat/stress release.

its not about the chicken wings, its what they mean to me.

so, yeah, if u cant go vegan because u love cheese or bacon too much, maybe think about why you are hinging a moral decision on One Type Of Food (or a few types of food). why is a FOOD, more important than morals and conviction? what does that food mean to you, that it is able to override your usual decision making process?

[crazylil-lion]

Where do I go. Will it matter? Does anything matter?

I try so hard to do everything I know of to get better.

To form connections with people but I can't.

Its hard for me to ask for anything. Example getting a ride home from a coworker that literally lives less than a mile down the road.

Its hard for me to join into the conversations when I haven't experienced anything. Going out on trips. Parties. Romantic stuff.

All of it. I've never experienced.

These people talk about getting flirted with and losing their virginity in highschool.

Im 24 and I haven't been on a date.

No one ever wanted me my whole life.

Listening to all of it the experiences I've never had just makes me sad. I cant join in. Ive had nothing!!!

What can I share. Oh yeah there was one time after getting told I was useless and worthless and don't do a fucking thing and I'm lazy ungrateful. I got kfc

Like lol.

Oh yeah I played xbox and actively avoided coming downstairs if I could to avoid getting yelled at.

Oh yeah I went to a gathering with family and they just insulted me for being single. Or not manly enough. Or not skinny enough for them.

Too lazy because I had asthma.

Yeah thats a good story to share.

Idk how to connect. And honestly no one really reaches out to try.

I got 1 anon. And 1 friend that still talks to me on here without me having to reachout again.

I don't see ever having a relationship when no one besides a few people on here have ever even been slightly interested in me.

Of those it wasn't like they seen much of me pic wise. Or my face.

The others like me because i make people feel good.

Until they ignore my needs and invalidate me then I break down and its a mess.

Or my constant battle with emotional regulation.

People like how I make them feel.

They don't like me.

No one wants to deal with me. They can just leave when they've had enough.

You know what it would be called if I tried? Suicide. Thats how I leave.

Bc if reading books about personality disorders.

If going to multiple therapists and trying different medications

If eating healthy and exercising.

If going out with people and not isolating.

If nothing works.

Then the only fucking relief I have is in death.

Thats my life.

Craving connections. Unable to create them.

And if I do have them most people are overwhelmed by how emotional I am.

Point is.

Fuck my life.

If after all my efforts nothing gets any better. I know I won't live to see Christmas

[let-keigo-smash]

If your wondering what your local hero snacks on, it's black coffee with a side of chocolate flavored puffed rice cake.

[daegall]

[04:33]

pairing: Donghyuck (with a problematic family) x reader (who also has a very problematic family)

genre: fluff

warnings: mentions of a toxic family, and a problematic one, and some food

word count: 1k+ words

a/n: BROV W H A T IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS HYUCK THING FOR LIKE WEEKS???? BUT I WRITE THIS IN ONE SPOT?????????????? WHAT??????????????? YEAH E N YWAYS TAKE THIS AS AN APOLOGY FOR LEAVING FOR A WHOLE ASS MONTH LOL i hope you enjoy!!

(also quick notice; im going to be at my grandfathers from the 25th of this month, for a week, so i'll try my best to write then and be more productive!! but legit there is no wifi there so uhhh i guess a mini hiatus again?)

networks: @knet-bakery @neoturtles @kokonomi

part i, part ii, part iii, part iv

It was just 4 in the morning, in Donghyuck’s car, both of you were tired out of your minds when you finished the last bites of your burger.

Your stomach is full, and so is your mind, filled with thoughts and old memories of when your parents were nice to each other.

Donghyuck reaches out and brushes away a few crumbs at the corner of your lip, wiping it on his napkin right after as his mind fills with thoughts as well.

You’re tired. You’re both so tired.

You’re tired of school, tired of the stupid fights your parents have, tired of being dragged into it only to be hated by both of them. Donghyuck is no more exhausted than you are, tired of the façade he has to put on in front of people, tired of the fact that his family is fake, and rich, and known, he’s tired that they don’t let him see you, even when they are very much aware of how you’re the only one there for him.

As you lean your head on the open window sill of his car, your hand blindly searches around the armrest for his hand, intertwining them in a lock after you’ve successfully found it. It’s warm, despite the cold night, and you don’t want to let go.

You turn your head to your best friend, “You wanna stay?” He gives you a weird look, playing with the ring on one of your fingers, “What do you mean? This is my car, shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?”

A breathy chuckle leaves your chest, as you wheeze softly at Donghyuck’s obliviousness. It tugs at his heartstrings, tugging them upward, just like the corner of his lips as he smiles at you. You do something to him, he doesn’t know what it is, but he likes it.

“No, Hyuck, I mean here. With me.”

“Just you?”

“Yup.”

Donghyuck chuckles and brings your conjoined hands up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of your hand, “Forever.”

Is this what best friends do? But then again, you might not be best friends after that not so friendly kiss at the back of his house last week.

You sigh, blinking up sleepily at Donghyuck as he soothingly traces shapes and patterns on the back of your hand. He looks ethereal at night, with the moonlight and all. And in such a bare and vulnerable state as well. You’re glad he trusts you this much. “I wish we could stay like this forever too,”

Your statement has Donghyuck thinking once again, you wish. You can only wish to be together forever, there’s no guarantee you will. He doesn’t want to lose you, he never does. He needs you with him, he won’t feel like himself without you.

A sudden thought strikes Donghyuck, and he decides that right now, in his car, holding his best friend’s hand, after eating KFC at 4 am, that he’s going to stay with you, no matter what. He’s not going to stop for his god forsaken parents, they’re not his real family, you are. He’s going to get you out of whatever mess your parents have, and he’s going to protect you from anything and everything.

“How about we elope?” At Donghyuck’s sudden question, your eyes snap back open as they stare back at his very serious expressions, laughs threatening to spill out your mouth and fill the air. You swallow down your laughs, squeezing Donghyuck’s hand to suppress it, “W-what? Elope? Have you finally gone crazy, Hyuck?”

“Well I suppose we could leave out the marriage part...”

And then it hits you, Donghyuck is proposing to run away. With him. Just the two of you. “W-wait, are you sure about this, Donghyuck?” The sound of his full name leaving your lips shakes something in him, and he nods and continues to play with the ring on your finger, “I’m pretty sure we can pull it off. As long as we’re together, right?”

Your heart can’t help but pound at the thought of being alone with Donghyuck, possibly for the rest of your lives, just hiding together and protecting each other. You would very much want that but... “Hyuck, what about our parents?”

Donghyuck clicks on his tongue and sighs, giving you a desperate look, “That’s the whole reason I said ‘elope’. We’re doing this without their consent, we’re getting away from them.”

You would like it a lot if you got away from them. “And please, if anything they’ll be glad we left. At least mine would...” Your heart clenches as you see Donghyuck’s expressions dimming, he really did have it hard.

Fine, you think. If it’s with Donghyuck, you’ll do it. As long as he wouldn’t leave you.

A tug at his hand is all it takes for him to brighten back up and give you his utmost attention. You can still see the pain and sorrow beneath them, it hurts you to see him in such a state. You know everything he’s been through, his parents forcing him to act all stuck up and self-absorbed, their family problems, the toxicity of the family, he deserves a break.

You’re suddenly speechless as you observe Donghyuck’s glimmering eyes in the moonlight. His lips open slightly as he takes in slow breaths, his entire being focusing on you. You then realize on the spot, you love him. With all your heart, with your whole soul.

And without wasting a second for your mind to take control, your body lunges forward to place your lips delicately on Donghyuck’s lips. They’re sweet, just like the last time you kissed them, and they’re plump and perfect. Donghyuck brings his palm up to hold you by the back of your neck, pushing his lips deeper into yours. You two are far too deep to get out now, too deep in each other, the need to get away, the idea of running away together, everything.

You pull away from Donghyuck with a tight lock of your lips, pecking his nose gently to ease down from the sudden passionate kiss from before, “Alright, let’s run away together.”

[tiffany-loves-broadway]

Characters from Worm and Ward as @dril_gpt2 tweets

Wildbow: i wrote the post. sorry everyone.

Emma:  You fucking worm. Youre a foul, stinking rat. Fanart is pure garbage.

Skitter, pre-Leviathan:  my followers are wasting my time by asking me stupid shit like "where is my worm hole" and "where is my piss hole"

Tattletale:  13 Reasons Why Sasquatch Is Real

Bitch:  you know society is ASS-FUCKED when people spend tens of millions of dollars to maim and disfigure their dogs in an effort to appear more "INTP"

Panacea: im going to dress up like a nurse and perform emergency C-sections on the street to build self respect

Coil, on Dinah: Everything you say is true and good. no exceptions

Miss Militia: the idea that i would ever lose my shit on the computer board game "minesweeper" is one of the most despicable maladies ive ever suffered

Skitter, post-Leviathan: to the guy who paid me to distribute free toilet paper to the homeless in my hometown: thanks for 00000000000 \000 \000 .

Jack Slash: the human mind... is a funny little thing... called A Mind

Crawler: my ass has become highly immunized against fungal infections, by ingesting fantastic amounts of kfc

Cherish: sending my most powerful kiss to any image of blue jeans because i just want to die by suicide because my brain and body are FUCKED

Dragon: ...the US Navy's newest computer chip can now program itself to 'Play Pokemon' and evolve into a Pokemon with it ....

Simurgh: saddened to see that people woud gravitate towards gaming as a career path, rather than exclusively gravitate towards gaming during a time of crisis

Perdition: *does the dishes in reverse for shock value*

Watchdog:  INTRODUCTION TO THE GUILD OF THINKERS 1. who are these people whose opinions are worth less than mine to keep me away from the toilet 2. how do i add 3D effects to my hair 3. WHO CARES I DIDNT ADD 3D SHADES TO MY JUGGLY

Greg: well gotta go with the old adage "Dont forget to feed the trolls"

Valefor: causing your dick to hurt because you have too much respect for the Virgin Mary to engrave "666" onto the back of your dick

Weaver: I will do the right thing, and delete all my posts about eating maggots

Behemoth:  *glances towards the camera slowly becoming more and more skeletal*

Tecton: Geology is Theory. Geology is not Fact.

Heartbreaker:  me fucking ruining another wedding by asking the bride to marry me for $6. its just too hard

Glenn Chambers: the most important part of being a content producer is being able to mentally picture the Brands' Emblems on your fridge and never missing a Brand Point Update

Glenn Chambers, on Skitter: "i firmly believe that bugs should be banned," i continue, letting the video conclude. "But…" i pause to collect myself, "but…" i increase the volume

Riley: im sorry but how can i reconcile my increasingly loathsome behaviors with the cheerful, bubbly manner in which i am marketed

Clockblocker: according to wikipedia, the bed bugs and human fly larvae that burrow into my skin and organs are my soul mate

Andrew Richter: i am truly devastated to announce that the y2k bug is now officially classified as a feature

Scion:  1) Kill all the people 2)

The Elite:  to the distrusted: To the disappointed: Towards the hungry: I will not trade places with you. Good bye.

Eden:  As an evolved being I want to fuck Humankind

Khepri:  my followers are nothing but worms, trying to devour me alive , my only value is that i make people mad

Pandora:  i've been itching to get online for a while now, and i finally did it. this is the ultimate sacrifice

Bitch, with Biter:  i have the brain of a small dog and the asshole of a college educated adult

Valkyrie, on Clockblocker, Kid Win, and Grue: The "Boys" are back! They're back from the dead

Victoria Dallon, looking for work: After finding out that my followers believed that doctors should be allowed to force me to eat grass, i vowed never to read any posts from you all again

Seir: the "minor girls" jokes is one of the few parts of the Alabama Republican Platform That I actually respect, and wouldn't change a word

Mama Mathers:  god grant me th e ability to send very strong, very small particles of information through the air into the eyeballs of <- targeted <-

Tattletale, on clusters: blood transfusions vs gunshot wounds - the jury is still out on which one is "good"

Sidepiece: here comes that ass hole. here comes that spleen. here comes that gut. *spits out another mouthful of food turds* wow. im pretty good at kicking ass

Nursery: How To Make Hugs Out Of Anything - Essential book for new Mommers

Foil: You've heard of Small Arms Firepower, but did you Know Small Arms Penetration Power?

Love Lost: Fear not, a tiny speaker attached to my gas mask will allow me to better understand the emotions of my followers

Ratcatcher:  Rats Are Life Forms Too Sub-Genius

Custodian: i demand now that complete and utter silence be accorded to the hideous sonic boogie man who has inhabited my thoughts for 17 years.

Teacher: micropenis Wearing A Turtleneck Sweater

Valkyrie, on Furcate: i am fucking thrilled that my daughter is becoming ultra-sensitive to light after undergoing sex reassignment surgery. she is the most POWERFUL KISS GIRL yet

Ingenue: my nudes... have helped me tremendously in my career, and... i'm extremely Pleased...

Cradle: brain death huh. Not good. Not good at all.

Negotiator Shard:  strapped to an eyeball looking for the peak of Mt. Doom, not realizing that all the eyeballs are now gnawing

Red Queen:  I think that for every person who tells me that they like my posts i should be able to kill about 8 people

SpaceBattles:  im classified as a Mature writer, 1) I cannot handle discussion of sexual matters 2) I am unlikely to read a book of 100,000 words without destruc[ing myself physically)

Eric:  i help girls by inventing and selling "I helped a girl" tshirts. i have a very good following

Parian:  in mourning the passing of my grandmother, i will gladly accept donations to pay for her "Face lift".

Gimel Checkpoint Attendants:  #DollarsShit the US Dollar has devalued, and is the currency of scum, and shit

Antares, at the crystals:  a giant screen saver depicting my entire fucking body changing into a huge wad of spaghetti

[lit--bitch]

Current-Reads (20/04/2020 - 26/04/2020) 🍓🐢

(Disclosure: I don’t know anybody I’ve been currently reading this week. 😊)

Adding the preface again here: every Sunday without fail I throw up the freshest literature and photography I’ve read over the week, sometimes it’s a book, sometimes it’s a piece I saw in a magazine or an online zine, sometimes it’s something I saw on social media, etc. Sometimes I add ‘RECOMMEND’ next to a few of the titles, but that’s not to say I don’t recommend all of them, I just love some pieces more than others. Not everything will be everybody’s cup of tea, yanno, c’est la vie. And any titles that you see in bold are hyperlinked so if you click or tap them they’ll direct you straight to the source… or shopping basket. 

This week I’m gonna throw in a red herring and tell you about something I’ve been watching as well as what I’ve been reading, because I think it’s really cool and definitely appropriate for the age we’re living in at the moment. 

So I’ve been reading: Susan Sontag’s As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh (Diaries 1964—1980) which was edited by her son, David. I also read an interview on Granta from March between Rachel Long and Morgan Parker. I’ve also tucked into a couple pieces on Fence, Lexi Welch’s ‘Astroturf’ and Anthony Michael Morena’s ‘The Whale’. I also saw Cecelia Knapp’s poem in Bath Magg Issue Three (but the whole issue is an absolute smacker, it’s great). Last but not least, I’m up to episode 5 of a brand new thing called The Midnight Gospel. It is crazy good. And it’s on Netflix right now. 

***

Cecilia Knapp, ‘I Used To Eat KFC Zingers Without Hating Myself’, Bath Magg Issue #3: I really loved the whole of Issue Three, I guess I was quite struck by this particular poem for its “staccato-ness”. This poem is buttered with present-day references. But they’re not necessarily about creating a familiar environment. Rather the object of familiarity is found within the assemblage of places, snacks and thoughts, all of which compound the grief ‘I’ is experiencing. The ‘I’ ruminates on life’s banality and their personal insecurities in living banality: ‘I need a thigh gap. I use emojis / to avoid conflict. Worry I’m a gentrifier. Watch docs about murdered women’. The vapidity is funny. The pain is not. The insecurities deepen. Your body, your life, continues the ache of day-to-day routine, and finds no resolution in the things which may or may not stand to comfort oneself when ravaged by loss. The poem feels quite loose, and disinterested. It’s a sore poem, but its array of references make it colourful. It sort of reminded me of Édouard Levé’s work a little bit? But if Édouard Levé had been a pop culture fanatic chewing HubbaBubba bubblegum on the London Overground.  Bath Magg is a pretty exciting new magazine, (been around just under a year I think?) and they’ve published a lot of great writers, many of whom are emerging and I’ve spotted some quite established peple in there too. Kudos to their rubber ducky logo. It’s run by Mariah Whelan and Joe Carrick-Varty. 

In Conversation with Morgan Parker and Rachel Long, Granta Magazine: I deeply love Morgan Parker’s work, she’s, in my opinion, the master of titles. I can’t think of anybody who titles their work as well as Morgan Parker does. And I love the depth of honesty and charisma in this interview. Like yeah, it appears to be a generic Q/A but, it genuinely feels like a conversation, and it’s welcoming and unpretentious. Rachel Long asks some penetrating questions, and Morgan’s answers are so detailed and self-aware. Most of the discussion revolves around the action of writing poetry in general and where does that impulse arise from, but they do discuss Morgan’s latest collection Magical Negro which came out February last year. It’s a narrative on black womanhood, on micro-aggressions and reoccuring violence, it’s about breaking down white perceptions of blackness, and dissolving those projections. What I love about Morgan Parker is she’s tackling this fucking idiot thing where (mostly) white people think she’s attempting to represent all black women in her writing, which is, by Morgan’s own admission, impossible. Her work is a duty to herself, to the background she’s lived and lives, and to unpack that discourse in her own way. And if it resonates, then great! I felt all this was inherent in the interview and only adds to my respect for her, and to Rachel for being such an attentive interviewer. BTW Rachel Long has a debut collection coming out this July, My Darling from the Lions.

Anthony Michael Morena, ‘The Whale’, Fence Portal (Streaming) (RECOMMEND): I can’t tell you how much I adored this beautiful mass of whale and word. It’s an essay which references the American Natural History Museum’s Blue Whale model. The writing is thick with feeling and fat with concern. It blends monologue, memoir. It’s non-fiction and documentary. It’s elusive, enigmatic, fragmented. It’s like broken biscuits and blubber. To me it felt like a note on the offences of climate change, the emotional response and grief as we bystand erosion and corrosion, the loss of life, and the urge to merge something back together as it dissolves and fragments before our eyes. It’s as personal as it is public. A gorgeous and complex piece.

Susan Sontag’s As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh (Diaries 1964—1980) (RECOMMEND): I felt so afflicted reading Susan Sontag’s diaries, because y’know, it’s the equivalent of invading an Ancient Egyptian pharaoh’s tomb. Like, leave people alone. At the same like, this woman. These diaries are still shaping me, and each section leaves you with the weirdest aftertaste. Her personality permeates through every detail, every line-break, every reference and articulation of feeling. You learn so much, you gain so much from her perceptions and observations. How do I contain Susan Sontag? How do I describe these diaries? Not at all. Just buy it. 

Lexi Welch’s ‘Astroturf’, Fence Portal (Streaming) (RECOMMEND): My eyes locked onto this piece and just didn’t really stop reading. Lexi’s voice is enamouring and hypnotic. It’s so violent too. You’re lunged into friction burns and sports injuries, time and progression, the tensions between collectivity and individuality, family and sexuality, or as Fence put it, ‘lesbian eros’. This piece felt acidic. At times you can’t tell if the ‘I’ is indifferent or hurting to the point of numbness. It straddles so many different thematics, and breaks down a lot of conventions pertaining to the “ideal experience” of family relationships and team work. The resolution seems to be that in spite of people, our collectivity is defined by our collective solitude. This essay kicked me around a football field. It takes a good few repeated reads to appreciate its kaleidoscopic shifting, but it’s definitely one of my favourites.

The Midnight Gospel, from Pendleton Ward and Duncan Trussell, Netflix: (RECOMMEND) So the other day my friend Ben linked this to me and I had seen the trailer ages back and thought “Oh yeah I really wanna watch that”, but just forgot. After his reminder, I started watching it and ever since I’ve been saying to loads of other friends “Have you watched ‘The Midnight Gospel’ on Netflix?” because I’m d y i n g  to talk about it with everybody. 

I literally can’t categorise this “TV show” to you. It’s like if animation had a baby with a philosophy podcast and then put that baby onto an IV drip of psychedelics. It’s this swarm of different stimuli which you kind have to zone in on and absorb individually and yet somehow collectively. 

So like, “Clancy” is a spacecaster who sets up “spacecasts” (podcasts) with creatures from other simulated worlds and he interviews them. But when Clancy transports himself into these worlds, it’s not like they’re sat down on some cream sofa with two glasses of water like it’s animated Oprah. No, his interviewees are like in the middle of fighting off a zombie apocalypse or meditating on a mountain or trying to find and save their lost lover. And Clancy just joins them on the journey and interviews them about their “specialism”. These are real people that are being interviewed like, the first episode is with Dr. Drew Pinker. And when you’re watching it, you think that the animation is totally separate to the conversation exchange the characters are having, but that’s not true. They have intersections, they have meaning. It only becomes obvious that it has meaning right at the end of each episode, but if you lock on you’ll see it’s all relevant throughout. 

One of my friends was like “Oh I might stick that on tonight and have a joint” and I was like, don’t fucking get high when you’re watching this because it’s already intense enough as it is, like you know that Pendleton Ward and Duncan Trussell have felt some real shit to create this absolute rare jewel. In my opinion, you don’t need cannabis to appreciate these discussions. But if you wanna do it, then hey it’s a “free country”. And it’s not as though there’s a serious, central core plot like there is with Rick & Morty, I mean there is a kind of overarching plot but it’s not always integral. Like ultimately we’re invested in Clancy’s story but also all the stories of all the other people that come his way. There’s multiple plots, there’s multiple dimensions and ways of seeing. It’s a programme which delivers on multiplicity, which manifests itself in everything and everyone we see and know and touch and hear, etc, etc. 

This production articulates some of the revelations that psychedelics can give you. Psychedelics don’t make you see the world literally like these animations do, but the sensations of the animation are reminiscent of an acid trip’s oscillating moods and sensitivities. It’s really cool, and it’s very poignant, and it’s my new favourite show to watch. And what’s so great about it is that, it requires multiple watches in order to really absorb everything in its entirety, so it’s a series you can just keep going back to even after you’ve seen them all. It’s re-watchable. Just fundamental goodness all round. Best way to indulge in it is with ice cream. 🍨

***

So that’s it for this week, next Friday’s review is Annie Ernaux’s A Girl’s Story translated by Alison L. Strayer, published with Fitzcarraldo Editions. 

Stay safe and well as always, my little caramels. 💁🏽

[drmedicsgamesurgery]

Danganronpa Togami Volume 3 Part 3 (Summary)

Short chapter so short summary today! Thanks for reading!

Thanks to @enoshima-pyon @shockersalvage​ @jinjojess​ @hopeymchope​ for helping out!

CHAPTER 12- Regarding the Metaphorical Replacement for Proximity

1.

“All in all, it’s really whimsical,” said the heir to the Ketouin Conglomerate, Hiroyuki Ketouin, “It’s amazing really, a great record. The world record holder of holding your breath, 22 minutes and 30 seconds, is Goran Colak. [1] I can’t compare to this kind of guy. First of all, I’d need to be in the car under the water..."

I didn’t listen to Hiroyuki’s jokes. I leaned on the back seat of the car and stared out the window, putting the flowing scenery into my vision: the unchanging landscape, only the forest on the horizon. But the railroad tracks have disappeared. Although I really want to know where I am, I’m too tired to use Borges.

"Miss, you look listless."

"Because Byakuya-sama is gone..."

"Cheers for Goran Korak!" Hiroyuki took a Pilsner beer out of the dashboard's storage box. "So has the young master contacted you?"

"No."

"He should have managed to escape."

"If that’s the case, why didn’t he contact me?"

"Maybe he was worried about leaking his location to an outsider like me."

"You are not serious, are you?"

"You don't have to think about what my real identity is."

"The Imposter said something similar. It’s ridiculous, only the right one is the most important."

Since I arrived in the Czech Republic, I have encountered many copies and imposters, over and over. Those people shouted that they were the real deal, but the glittering coats they wore were stripped by others, or they were uncovered, one by one exposing their identity as counterfeit, or they just simply died. Or disappeared. Or killed. I am me, I am a Togami, I have a clear and accurate understanding of this, but on the contrary, everything else seems suspicious. What if this place is actually not the Czech Republic, but a virtual space. I am actually sleeping in bed with VR glasses. Even if it was such a disappointing ending, I would probably not be surprised. Having said that, I don't want to write any lies in the biography of Byakuya-sama... "Journey Under The Midnight Sun", so even if this reality I see is all false, I can't erase this adventure. I want to write down the original reality, and neither hope nor despair can interfere. This description is like warehousing management. Some people may feel uninterested. However, this is the essence of biography. If you add fuel to your story, it is no different from fiction. It is already in a state of completion, and there is no need to add, delete or modify anything.

Hiroyuki takes a sip of beer before saying that Shinobu looks as if she is out of the mud, but just because she is the SHSL Secretary doesn’t mean she is perfect.

"I don't think anyone else can accurately distinguish between true and false like me, though."

"What was your first favorite book?"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't worry so much, just answer. What was your first favorite book?"

“Small Pig.”

Shinobu thinks about the Author, Arnold Lobel, and how the version she had was a translated version of the original english story into japanese. It was something of a bedtime story for her.

Hiroyuki and Shinobu then start to discuss how translations in novels can end up being quite different to what the original work was intending, and that texts should always be read in the language they were produced in for the full effect. [2]

“Of course, there will be some subtle differences in meaning, but the degree of meaning would be very slight, right?”

"Well take for example a voice actor gets changed, someone will quarrel and say: 'It’s totally wrong! This is a fake!' If that happens, then you must read the original book when reading, don’t run from it, don’t be afraid either, you must be brave when facing the original text."

Shinobu wonders about how meaning behind text can be viewed differently by different observers, and how that would affect the outcome of how a work is observed. In this case, a translation of a text could change the meaning of a work to something completely different, and possibly much less profound in nature, without the intricacies of the original text. [2]

Borges then brings up a few quotes (#23232300), from people who are regretting getting into the translation business.

Hiroyuki brings up the story of a man who didn’t want to translate a prolific buddhist work into japanese, because the meaning wouldn’t be the same. Because you don’t know what the original story is, you would have no idea what changes would have been made by the translator to suit the language. Or alternately what parts of the story have been altered or fabricated.

He talks about how people who write in Sanskrit or Czech would never know the true story of “The Tale Of Genji” [3] because in truth, the versions translated into those languages was merely an abridged version of the story. A summary, if you will. This “light novel” version is inferior to the original product by its very nature in not being the original work itself.

Comparing modern language translation with light novel adaptation, I can’t help but admire this arrogant opinion. Indeed, this isn’t just as simple as moving a tray of food from plate to plate, but because of the different personalities and intentions of the writers and translators... or making bold explanations or making large-scale changes... There will be considerable changes in the content, which is quite different from what I have pursued in my biography. The biography I want to write is a true transcript. I only transfer the real things to the transcripts on paper. Even the consciousness of myself, the author, should be excluded. This is a perfect copy, which is what I wish to pursue. Due to the existence of the author, modern language translation and light novel adaptation will change the content. The shamelessness of this behavior is comparable to the dumping of organic garbage at a crime scene. In this sense, perhaps no book can serve as a model for “Journey Under The Midnight Sun”. It seems that what I want to do may really fall into the category of quantum mechanics. That's just what I think, at least-

"By the way… Where are we going?"

"There is a nearby town, the name is written on the navigation system. Hey, but how should this be read? Czech is really difficult to understand... Karlovy...Vary?"

"Ah, I know this place. It is a famous hot spring resort."

"A Spa," Hiroyuki turned his head despite being driving "You said hot spring, right!? The next volume of this book must be the pink bookmark route!! I can't help but get excited!"

"Oh no, it’s a drinking cure spring."

"Oh?"

“It’s not a hot spring, but a drinking cure spring to make your body healthier. The Czech Republic has this custom.”

"...I haven't been so disappointed for a long time.”

Hiroyuki exclaims that he hasn’t been so disappointed since learning secrets about various other topics, and hopes that Europeans will one day be able to understand the beauty of japanese style hot springs. Shinobu thinks about how every countries hot springs are different because their values are different. People who say things like "Only the Japanese can understand this kind of beauty" when visiting buddhist temples are self-righteous. She thinks about how big the world is and how even with common and uncommon sense, the world will never change. She is unlucky to have met so many fakes, imposters and counterfeits in the Czech Republic, and even though Hiroyuki is alive, Byakuya is still missing.

"It really is a whimsical world."

Hiroyuki commented this way, but it seems to me that "unreal world" is more accurate. Impossible things, unimaginable things, incredible things are appearing before me, but no matter how much I complain, the problems at hand will not be resolved by myself. Escape from this ridiculous world, or be swallowed up by this ridiculous world. To all of this insanity, I can only say one thing.

"I’m hungry."

2.

Shinobu and Hiroyuki drop off by a KFC. Even though it’s not Christmas time just yet, they still decided to eat there anyway. [4] They stuffed themselves, and Shinobu continued to eat in the car, and Hiroyuki cracks a joke that falls flat on its head and is so not funny I'm not translating it.

The Mercedes is now driving to largest resort in the Czech Republic. The Karlovy Vary Spa began in the 14th century, when Carl IV discovered the source of the hot springs here; however, the style of the spa area seems to be internationally shared, and it is reminiscent of the streetscape of the Noboribetsu Onsen and Ikaho Onsen. [5] [6]

"It seems that it’s still open," Hiroyuki looked out through the window. "That said, I can't take you sightseeing."

"How can they still be open in this situation?"

"Well KFC is still open."

“By the way, the spa in the Czech Republic is one person at a time according to the instructions. So please don’t have any strange expectations.”

“Oh yeah, why are you so familiar with this place anyway?"

"I... I did some investigation beforehand because I wanted to come to the hot springs with Byakuya-sama!"

"........."

"I have been looking forward to this trip."

Moving on from the subject, Hiroyuki thinks that Byakuya might have used the Kudan, though Shinobu points that no matter what happens Byakuya wouldn’t do it. Even when faced with absolute despair. Granted, she doesn’t know why he would seal it away either. To that, Hiroyuki believes that perhaps the re-assurance of it being sealed was better than than using the Kudan.

When they arrive at the hotel next to the drinking spring, Shinobu does a quick search with Borges. Apparently it’s a very luxurious hotel which accommodated many important historical figures such as Goethe and Beethoven. [7][8] But something seemed off. Even though the Czech government declared a state of emergency, many people who looked like tourists were in the hotel lobby. Hiroyuki comes back to Shinobu and says that he has booked a room on the top floor of the hotel.

She covers her face to avoid any assassin’s on the lookout, and they then head to the room. As soon as they open the door, Shinobu lays on the bed and falls asleep saying that she hasn’t slept properly since they came to Prague.

"It's good to get a good night's rest, helps you wake up more clear minded," Hiroyuki's voice entered my mind. "The most important thing about an article is not its writing, but the study beforehand."

3.

She wakes up all sweaty and with messy hair, so she decides to take a bath. While she is doing that, she thinks about where could Byakuya be and she remembers what he said.

“Wait for me.”

She still doesn’t understand what he meant, but she decides to have faith in Byakuya and just wait as he said. She didn’t want to put back on her old sweaty clothes, but she didn’t want to wear the bathrobe either. When she comes out of the bathroom, she finds Hiroyuki eating a Czech meal.

"Oh, Hello, Miss Beautiful."

Hiroyuki still made me feel more uncomfortable.

He asks her to sit down and eat, and even though she is not hungry (thanks to eating KFC) she still agrees. They start with some small talk, about different cultural cuisines, such as Roman, Slovakian and Czech, but they decide to get on with it.

It seems that if I want to continue the topic, I’d have to sit down with him. With a sigh, I sat down opposite of Mr. Hiroyuki Ketouin. There are many foods on the table that look like Czech food, although I don't know if it is. Roasted chicken with fat, and sour pickles next to it, mushroom soup, stir-fried pork with horseradish and spicy sauce, wrapped in a thin layer of fried squid, with aroma of charcoal. Lamb chops, oiled cheese, oyster steak, sour cream yak meat, mineral water, and his beer is still Pilsner beer. These meaty dishes are those of this country on lockdown. Surprisingly, looking at them, my stomach is hungry again. This made me realize that I am still alive.

Hiroyuki poured beer into a huge wide-mouth cup and called out: "Cheers!" raising the cup. I poured the mineral water into a classic glass and took a bite of cheese. In the suite where the sunlight shone through the large window at the rear, I enjoyed the food. If the person sitting across from me was Byakuya-sama, this would be a wonderful scene.

Translations notes:

[1] Goran Colak is a Croation freediver who currently holds the world record for holding breath underwater. His record is now at 23:01.

[2] Bruh, I am trying ok.

[3] The Tale Of Genji is a classic work of Japanese literature written by the noblewoman and lady-in-waiting Murasaki Shikibu in the early years of the 11th century. The original manuscript no longer exists. It was made in "concertina" or orihon style: several sheets of paper pasted together and folded alternately in one direction then the other, around the peak of the Heian period. The work is a unique depiction of the lifestyles of high courtiers during the Heian period, written in archaic language and a poetic and confusing style that makes it unreadable to the average Japanese without dedicated study. It was not until the early 20th century that Genji was translated into modern Japanese, by the poet Akiko Yosano. The first English translation was attempted in 1882, but was of poor quality and incomplete. 

[4] From December 1974, KFC Japan began to promote fried chicken as a Christmas meal, with its long running "Kentucky for Christmas"  or "Kentucky Christmas" advertising campaign. Eating KFC food as a Christmas meal has since become a widely practised custom in Japan. As of 2019, in Japan, Christmas sales of KFC made around Christmas Eve account for nearly five per cent of annual revenue.

[5] Noboribetsu Onsen is Hokkaido's most famous hot spring resort, offering as many as eleven different kinds of thermal waters, that are considered among Japan's best and most effective. The resort town consists of numerous (mostly large sized) ryokan and hotels with hot spring baths. Several of them open their baths during daytime to non-staying guests for typically 700 to 2000 yen. In addition, there is one public bath house located in the center of town.

[6] Ikaho Onsen is a hot spring town located on the eastern slopes of Mount Haruna. Known for its reddish brown, iron-laden thermal waters, Ikaho Onsen joins Kusatsu, Minakami and Shima Onsen as the four most famous hot spring resorts of Gunma Prefecture. The atmospheric old town area of Ikaho centers around the 300 meter long stone stairs which lead up through the middle of town and are lined by ryokan, old fashioned game arcades and shops. A few kilometers outside of Ikaho stands Mizusawa Kannon, a popular temple, well known for the udon noodles sold at restaurants along its approach. Mount Haruna with its beautiful caldera lake can also be easily combined with a visit to Ikaho.

[7] Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was a German writer and statesman. His works include: four novels; epic and lyric poetry; prose and verse dramas; memoirs; an autobiography; literary and aesthetic criticism; and treatises on botany, anatomy, and colour. In addition, numerous literary and scientific fragments, more than 10,000 letters, and nearly 3,000 drawings by him have survived.

[8] Ludwig van Beethoven was a German composer and pianist. A crucial figure in the transition between the classical and romantic eras in classical music, he is considered to be one of the greatest composers of all time. Beethoven was born in Bonn, the capital of the Electorate of Cologne, and part of the Holy Roman Empire. He displayed his musical talents at an early age and was vigorously taught by his father Johann van Beethoven, and was later taught by composer and conductor Christian Gottlob Neefe. At age 21, he moved to Vienna and studied composition with Joseph Haydn. Beethoven then gained a reputation as a virtuoso pianist, and was soon courted by Karl Alois, Prince Lichnowsky for compositions, which resulted in Opus 1 in 1795. The piece was a great critical and commercial success, and was followed by Symphony No. 1 in 1800. This composition was distinguished for its frequent use of sforzandi, as well as sudden shifts in tonal centers that were uncommon for traditional symphonic form, and the prominent, more independent use of wind instruments. In 1801, he also gained notoriety for his six String Quartets and for the ballet The Creatures of Prometheus. During this period, his hearing began to deteriorate, but he continued to conduct, premiering his third and fifth symphonies in 1804 and 1808, respectively. His condition worsened to almost complete deafness by 1811, and he then gave up performing and appearing in public.

To Be Continued.

https://drmedicsgamesurgery.tumblr.com/GameSurgeryDRTranslations

[salmankhanholics]

★ Pepsi to raise its fizz factor with Salman’s swag!

Dec 13, 2019

Salman Khan is back. This time it’s not just with the blockbuster franchise ‘Dabangg 3’ but also in the endorsement world as Pepsi’s new brand ambassador.    

However, this time there is more to ‘Brand Salman’. Bagging a deal with Pepsi to be the face of the brand has put the 53-year-old Khan back in the endorsement game and how. After building the story with Thums up’s ‘Aaj kuch Toofani Karte Ha’, he will now be endorsing competitor cola brand’s ‘Har Ghoont Mein Swag’ proposition.

Like every other actor, Salman has also had his good and bad days at the Box Office, but courtroom dramas and controversies had put him off the radar for brands for some time now. In 2016, Coca Cola dropped him as the brand ambassador for ‘Thums Up’ after four years of association with him. Prior to that, he was the face of another aerated drink - Mountain Dew.

With a brand value of $55.8 million, as per the fourth edition of the Duff & Phelps report on India’s most valuable celebrity brands, Salman holds the sixth place after the likes of Deepika Padukone, Akshay Kumar and Ranveer Singh.

However, now with Pepsi in his kitty, the Dabangg star has instantly added credibility and recognition to his brand image.

But why did Pepsi choose Salman? For the brand it was his ‘swag’ that works. “Over the last year, SWAG has been the underlying message throughout Brand Pepsi’s campaigns, celebrating the innate self-belief of the Indian consumer today,” said a PepsiCo India spokesperson.

Not just the ‘Har Ghoont Mein Swag’ campaign, Pepsi will also be launching its association with Salman by tying up with ‘Dabangg 3’.

Brand experts agree with Pepsi’s take on Salman’s ‘swag’ factor but they have more to add. “Like every other retail brand or e-commerce brand Pepsi too is upbeat about Tier II, Tier III and even Tier IV markets and these are the areas where controversies around Salman don’t matter. People in these markets idolize him and that is what the soft drink brand has been cashing in on. If we look at the urban crowd, there isn’t much demand for aerated drink given the sudden emphasis on being fit and eating healthy,” said entrepreneur Sandeep Kohli who is best known for bringing KFC to India.

“Salman’s mass appeal is his another big advantage. The reason behind the actor bagging a big fat cheque from Big Boss for years now is this mass appeal. Pepsi is next in line to cash on this swag and command over the masses.”

Sharing another side of this story is Chandan Bagwe, Brand Consultant and Founder & MD of C Com Digital. Getting Salman on board is part of the long battle between Coca Cola and Pepsi, says Bagwe.

“Although Coca Cola had dropped Salman, their four-year association had been very fruitful. It is now a huge win for Pepsi to get him on board. This takes the brand rivalry to new heights. In the US, Coca Cola and Pepsi loyals don’t mix their drinks. While in India the loyalty issue is not on the same scale and Khan’s involvement with Pepsi will definitely influence his fans while choosing their drink,” adds Bagwe.

At the moment, his other endorsements include the likes of eyewear brand Image, Relaxo, Dixcy Scott, Astral Pipes, Bharat Pe, Somany Ceramics, CP Plus and Emami edible oils.

Now, according to people in the know, in less than a week of Pepsi announcing their association with Salman, other brands too have started to approach the star due to the instant credibility that such a deal brings along.

[mythoughtdumpanddiary]

hi ! it is 2022. 2:02am on 2022. wow. im actually kinda hopeful towards this year. ive got plans for self growth. Ive been feeling better the past couple of days. today i felt really energised when i woke up. i havent felt this way in weeks/months. i think it was because of the meditation i did last night. it made me feel that i had found myself again. my skin looked better today. i am so grateful. i think it’s because of the niaminacide the ordinary serum ive been using the past 4 days. ive seen results so quick. i went out to bugis w mom today to exchange some of the clothings. i almost teared up at the store bc of how overstimulated i felt by not being able to fit well into their skirts. but we got a dress instead and that fitted much better, so i felt better. afterwards, we went to kfc to eat before my timezone work shift. after eating, when i was walking to the toilet to change into the uniform, i felt like i had eaten too much and i felt so regretful. my stomach felt as if it had visibly gained fats. even tho i hadn’t even eaten alot. the feeling went away in a while tho, as i busied myself w work. udhaya was nicer today and he sometimes laughed at things i said in conversations w vijay. i hope we can be friends. things were relatively less awkward w logesh too, compared to the previous times. we talked while walking out of timezone after closing.

[shytiff]

May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake. 

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

[lebilliam]

111 questions with @imaginationisendless3

001: What is your biggest dream? uhhh. that depends on how you define dream. im gonna go ahead and say that the dream is to be able to wake up and go to the airport and just travel all around and come back home to the same old home at the end of the day

002: What is the bravest thing you've ever done? this q is quite a doozy. i really dont keep track of this kind of stuff

003: Is it hard for you to show your feelings? hell ye

004: What is your dream job? What was your dream job when you were little? when i was little i thought looking at space and being an astronaut would be really cool but now its just being able to travel

005: What is your favorite sound? mechanical keyboard clicking hands down

006: Would you rather be in front of the camera or behind it? wait this q seems familiar but im gonna say in front

007: What do you notice first when you meet a new person? (Both in real and on the internet): what kind of memes they like

008: Is there anybody you *fully* trust?: sure theres a list

009: Do you like / love someone? If yes, who?: there was this cute girl once but i never mustered the courage to really talk to her rip 

010: Have you ever received / sent hate? How do you deal with it?: i flame brian and logan all the time but i dont think that constitutes hate mail. tbh i dont recall an instance of being perturbed by excessive hate

011: What are you going to spend money on next?: food in martinique (or maybe some chacos here)

012: What are three things you never leave your house without?: phone, wallet, jacket

013: What is your favorite place?: ive had a lot of favorite places over the last few years but now that im being asked i cant recall any of them. all my favorite places have this one thing that i dont like about them and thats why i have so many

014: Do you sing and/or dance in front of people? nah not earnestly

015: Have you ever cheated on a test?: have YOU? i say i want to cheat on tests all the time bc itd be so easy but im just too lazy to enact a foolproof cheat strategy

016: What is your current desktop background?: last time it was a bunch of functional groups for Ochem, but now its specific reagents and pathways!

017: How would you describe yourself in 3 words? indecisive, unpredictable, decisive (i thnk)

018: What does make you happy?: honestly?? knowing im appreciated

019: What time were you born? uhh i dont know off the top of my head atm but i can check

020: Do you give second chances? Why? why the fuck NOT? well i say that but all the second chances ive given have been disappointments. trying to find someone to surprise me i guess? xd

021: Name your biggest turn ons and turn offs: serious turn offs are lacking empathy for the struggles of others (i say stop being poor ironically, but there are people who really dont get it which is scary to me). turn ons? Jacinda asked me this and my answer still hasnt changed-- the neck. i ALWAYS go for the jugular

022: When was the last time you hugged someone?: hmmmmm probably last month or so?

023: What is your favorite food? GOD dang it i know i say a lot of things are my favorite but now i cant think of anything. something im always down for is KFC though

024: Do you save money or spend it right away? FUCK i try to save it but money just has a way of leaving my hands

025: Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are their meanings? If no, would you get any?: id love to get tattoos. sleeves and all those seem really neat but also i know im just rash with decisions like that sometimes

026: Name five things you find beautiful: ooo hair in sunlight, pure moments of unadulterated laughter, crafts that people work on, technology, and mechanical keyboards

027: What is your favorite clothing style? (Both in you and others): lately ive been joking about the CLOUT a lot with champion and supreme branded stuff but its ironic. tbh i like buttonups with nice colors.

028: How do you cheer yourself up? i slid into this girl’s dms with this very question and then i linked her a minecraft song parody so i guess minecraft song parodies and stupid things

029: Do you show affection in public?: i would IF I COULD

030: What is one thing you are looking forward to?: martinique, being refreshed enough to actually care about school bc this last semester was a shitshow

031: Have you ever been to other countries? If yes, where?: france, spain, italy, canada, (japan when i was uber young), vietnam, fircrest

032: What was the last lie you told and why? ill start on this at 2pm. i was still in bed at 2

033: Who are the people you can always turn to? mo, lo

034: Have you ever done drugs? If not, would you ever try them?: it sounds like itd be a cool experience but im also scared all of those horror stories where the drugs were laced with other stuff that turns you into a 4 year old

035: What is your favorite word? i think about the word obsequious a lot but i think my favorite word has to go to discord

036: Do you consider yourself a romantic? sure why not

037: What are 3 objects that are *very* important to you and why?: notes section in my phone ( i write a lot of my thoughts and weird dreams in there), my laptop ( i use it literally every single day), my dice ( bc dnd has been uber helpful to me and its a great pastime)  

038: Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who?: nope! not special

039: What would you like to change, mentally and physically, about yourself? id like to start working out but i say that all the time. id like to be more dedicated to school stuff but honestly its whatever. idk jsut trying to be more confident in myself and smiling more

040: Have you ever won a contest/competition? What for? i won a smash tournament once and i got fourth or third in another one but that was a long time ago

041: What is one illegal thing you would do if there were no consequences? steal, armed robbery. 

042: Who are your favorite fictional characters? borutos dad seems kind of cool, they should make an anime about him or something

043: Do you ever wish you were somebody else? yea i wish i was me but better

044: What is your favorite store to shop at? FUEGO and the runway fashion exchange and idk some other cool store but it doesnt come to mind

045: Do you want to have children one day? How many? How would you name them?: i think about it. having children would be cool but also NOT having kids would be cool

046: How do you cope with stress? How do you vent your anger? i say reee unironically but then it makes me feel better 

047: What do you want for your birthday? honestly? lots of money but idk a new set of dice would be nice ore maybe a new computer

048: Have you ever had an imaginary friend? yea probably

049: Have you ever said "I love you" even though you didn't mean it? in the times ive said it i feel like i have meant it but you can never be too sure

050: What is the best advice anyone has ever given you? starting to write down all your feelings and stuff that happens

051: Do you have any regrets? If yes, what do you regret the most? not taking the opportunity to go to high school/ college early / skipping grades / trying harder on admissions tests

052: Do you find tattoos and/or piercings attractive? theyre pretty neat imo i like them

053: Do you want to get married? What are your views on marriage? marriage is such an old concept but also it seems kind of cool

054: Who are you most comfortable around? tbh its been myself for the last few weeks 

055: What are you wearing right now? What do you wear to bed? i am wearing shorts. i try not to wear too much when i sleep bc i overheat but if i have someone else in bed with me ill wear a thin shirt and shorts

056: When is your birthday? feb 26!

057: What is love to you? love is being able to send memes to each other and being able to go from 2 blobs watching videos to a fancy date and 

058: Are you a jealous person? i can be jealous if i dont trust whatever is happening

059: Would you rather go to a party or stay at home? hmm tbh id probably party if my friends were there or if not id stay at home 

060: How many relationships have you had? quite a few

061: Are you a positive person? sure, i guess ;)

062: What kind of people do you feel attracted to? smart people who are smart but also dumb and cute

063: What is the longest time you've stayed awake? oooowee i think 21 hours or so?

064: Have you ever been told "I don't want to lose you"? yep! proceeded to then lose me!

065: What is your favorite genre when it comes to movies? action comedy

066: Do you collect anything? memories and dust and trinkets

067: In your opinion, what is your best quality? i can make you laugh

068: Have you ever changed for someone?yep! it happens and its sad but it happens

069: What is your idea of a perfect date? a date is the entire day, starting out with waking up next to the person, eating breakfast together, maybe do some errands / work out, netflix and chill, chill, go out for a nice dinner and night out, come back, netflix and chill, chill, go to bed.

070: Are you shy or outgoing? i would love to say im outgoing but idk!

071: In your opinion, what is the secret for a great relationship? surprises everywhere

072: Are you the kind of person who breaks rules? hm im sure i did at some point. maybe i still do?

073: Is it hard for you to trust people? yea it can get a lil hard

074: What does your dream house look like? fat front yard, lots of plants, lots of green grass

075: Do you feel attracted to people your age, younger or older? hmm im at the ripe age of 19 where options younger than me are a lil sketch. idk according to the historia older people have been quality

076: How much have you changed over the past year? a LOT boii

077: Longest friendship you've ever had? hmm about 6 or 7 or 8 years

078: Do you have pets? If not, what animal would you like to have? no pets, id love dogs

079: Are you left or right handed? ambidextrous

080: What talent do you wish you’d been born with? perfect pitch would help a lot with what i like to do

081: Where do you get motivation and inspiration? minecraft parody songs, also seeing professionals doing what they do

082: Do you know how to swim? If yes, when did you learn? yea, i learned when i was in bellingham and then i learned more when i was in kent

083: You are given one wish: What do you wish for? i wish for 100 million dollars with no inflation, no taxes, no debts, no one filing a lawsuit or slandering my name (this is all a part of getting the 100 mil. ive thought about getting money a lot)

084: Do you like to give / receive flowers? What is your favorite flower? i like giving flowers bc i feel like if i receive them,  i dont know what to do. its now ur problem if i get you flowers

085: Would you rather travel to a cold forest or a warm beach? warm beach if its not in the early morning when the sun rises, otherwise, forest

086: What is one thing you can't forgive, that can destroy a friendship or relationship beyond repair? if u kill me i dont think i could get over that

087: What is the last thing you purchased? corsair mouse

088: Have you ever broken someone's heart? Ever gotten your heart broken? yep and yep

089: Have you ever cheated on someone? Ever been cheated on? no and yes

090: Do you believe in soulmates? uhhh its possible. theres 8 billion people on this planet, what are the odds that soulmates DOnt exist

091: Is there anybody you would do absolutely *anything* for? If yes, who? hmmmm not anything, but id do a fair bit for my friends

092: Share three facts about your life.: i like to eat, make friends, and travel/experience other cultures

093: Do you believe in love at first sight? i do, but most of the time it isnt reciprocated ;p

094: Would you date someone who smokes / drinks / does drugs / has a mental illness? yea, i dont see why that would stop me from dating them

095: You are given 15 minutes of fame: What would you do? ask for money

096: How is your dream partner like? shes funny, makes me laugh, smells good, etc

097: Would you rather commit to one person or have several relationships? id rather have several relationships so i know exactly what im looking for in a person.

098: What are some of your hobbies? league, hearthstone, watching people play league and hearthstone, french, etc

099: What kind of person do you want to be? i want to be the cool old person when im old

100: What did you have for breakfast? i had some vietnamese cuisine

101: What is your Top 3 favorite shows? What was your Top 3 favorite shows when you were a kid? the office is something i enjoy, mythbusters, uh scooby doo? idk 

102: What are three places you *really* would like to visit one day? hmmm maybe the trevi fountain, il duomo, totally la sagrada familia 

103: What was your last meal? What was your last beverage? breakfast, water

104: Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with? hmm probably anastasia

105: What is one thing that made you smile today? thinking about martinique

106: Do you like taking photos? If yes, what do you photograph the most?i love taking photos, but i never have subjects so i dont really take photos too often

107: Has anyone ever written a poem or a song dedicated to you? Have you? FHCk man i wish. wait there was a 100 things i like about you and i think about it all the time. i actually have written poems and stuff but tis been a  long time and i dont think my creative juices are back from that yet (but trust me, it was straight fire)

108: Do you remember your dreams? If yes, what was the last dream you remember about?: i remember almost all of my dreams because i always tell someone about them and idk talking helps me remember things 

109: If you could go back in the past, would you change anything? If yes, what? i would start learning things so much earlier and stick with theme

110: If you were given 3 million dollars, what would you do with them? invest 2 mill in the bank, get that monthly interest coming back in the mail, use that mill to pay off all my and my friends debts, live life the way i wished i could when i was little

111: What are a few facts about you that not many people know of? i like learning languages but its not profitable in this day and age i feel

'111 Questions': by Ira V. Simon (priveting)

[chaerismatic]

“SHOULD WE KNOW US A LITTLE BETTER” TAG 📜

RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 a couple people [im too nyervous n bad at tagging :C]

i was tagged by @moonbebe , @monbeboo and @monbabi~ tysm ily guys w my whoooole heart ♡♡

THE LAST Drink: water wow already off to a rly interesting start,, great job angie Phone call: my mumma  Text message: “still full from the chicken, don't know if i want dindin” [asldkfjs i still talk to my mum like a four-year-old ok yep moving on] Song i’ve listened to: from zero,, aka the bop of the century that probably wont ever be released ;; v ;; Time you cried: i basically spent all of last weekend in the foetal position cos of the p101 final and shine forever

HAVE YOU 6. Dated someone twice: nope 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: yep 10. Been depressed: i guess 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope,, im?? an egg 12-14. List three favorite colours: green, yellow, cream

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. Made new friends: yess, especially here !! i don't rly deserve any of them and i love n admire every single person thats talked to me. ty ty ty ♡ 16. Fallen out of love: maybe, but idk if you could call whatever that was ‘love’ 17. Laughed until you cried: we had karaoke at my school today,, i nearly choked from screaming n dancing to the pokemon theme song 18. Found out someone was talking about you: don't think so eep 19. Met someone who changed you: for sure 20. Found out who your friends are: i think so 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: uhh yes

GENERAL 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of ‘em 23. Do you have any pets: OK ASDLKFJA I LVOE MY BABIES; so u’ve got miffy my v bouncy dog n best pal, my two rly chirpy but rly sweet birbs toro and newbert, and my two goldfish who are,,, both named huat,,, because that means prosperity n i need that $$$ 24. Do you want to change your name: hmm nope i like it, esp my full name even though i don't rly like it when people call me by it just cos it feels too formal 25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably ate a lot of mexican food and played the sims 4 for like 10hrs straight 26. What time do you wake up: 7am on school days n like 11pm on weekends 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: having a v mild panic attack about my history exam but also watching my babies sewoon/gwanghyun in their first vlive 28. Name something you can’t wait for: jung sewoon to debut jfc 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: maybe like an hour ago when i was washing the dishes 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: feeling more fulfilled and optimistic cos tbh ive got it really good compared to others n i hate when i forget that 31. What are you listening right now: why don't you know - chungha 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yep, a guy in my bio class that i barely know, he just asked for help w a question 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my academic incompetency  34. Most visited website: youtube or tumblr 35. Moles: none 36. Marks: two lil dots under my right eye, one on my upper lip n a whole bunch on my arms 38. Hair color: black  39. Long or short hair: long 40. Do you have a crush on someone: huygnown jks sorry 41. What do you like about yourself: my ??softness tbh 42. Piercings: nope 43. Bloodtype: idk but i really wanna find out !!! ;;  44. Nickname: angie is a nickname i guess, but a lot of my school friends call me angle 45. Relationship status: dating a pretty cool guy (who is not hw but its fine i still kinda like him asldfjsal that was a rly weird n kinda messed up joke im sorry) 46. Zodiac: cancer 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: orange is the new black, brooklyn nine nine, rick and forty, and a whooole lot of japanese dramas 49. Tattoos: nope 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: none 52. Hair dyed in different color: not currently but i had green ombre for a while last year 53. Sport: not really my thing if yknow what i mean hah im as active as an actual pile of garbage   55. Vacation: ive only ever had an extensive stay in malaysia but its like a second home n i love it so much c: 56. Pair of trainers: uhhhh one ? yes ? idrk what this is asking ;v;

MORE GENERAL 57. Eating: i had kfc for dinner mmmm 58. Drinking: water 59. I’m about to: pass out im so tired 61. Waiting for: monsta x’s first win !1!! 62. Want: to hug wonho,,, idk i feel extra protective of him today 63. Get married: for sure 64. Career: nursing/midwifery

WHICH IS BETTER 65.Hugs or kisses: hugs !!! warm n friendly or romantic n gentle,, you can't go wrong !! 66. Lips or eyes: both are v good, especially as a combination when someone smiles,,, smiling is rly rly nice 67. Shorter or taller: taller  68. Older or younger: older for now 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: asdfhasl both again !! both are SO good !!! esp soft tummies w comfy arms in hugs !! ;; - ;; 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive  72. Hookup or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER 74.Kissed a stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: nope 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no but thats honestly my worst nightmare,, id be completely vulnerable 77. Turned someone down: yeah but in like the 5th grade 78. Sex on the first date: nope 79. Broken someone’s heart: maybe ,,, 80. Had your heart broken: probably fractured, not quite entirely shattered 81. Been arrested: nope 82. Cried when someone died: yessir 83. Fallen for a friend: way too many fkscifn times

DO YOU BELIEVE IN 84. Yourself: uhh probably not 85. Miracles: sure 86. Love at first sight: eh not really 87. Santa Claus: i rly want to cos i love christmas so much :cc but no 88. Kiss on the first date: mmm probably not 89. Angels: have u seen the all-white shine forever stage outfits amirite

OTHER 
90. Current best friend’s name: i have two bestest friends named annie and charlie 
91. Eye color: dark brown
 92. Favorite movie: WHY END WITH THE HARDEST QUESTION YOU COULD POSSIBLY ASK ME ??? ok um lets go w back to the future as one of many favourites

❀ tagging: @monbibi @peachminhyuk @cngkyns @chaesprincess @kukungie @bamethyst @omgxiaoch ! ❀ but feel free to ignore, this does take a really long time so i totally understand :) 

[queernuck]

my dad got me Wendy’s instead of KFC today. 

it may not seem like that big of a deal, switching up where you get dinner from when deciding on fast food. a $5 difference in how much dinner costs isnt that big of a deal when you have to deal with a house that’s been sitting on the market too long and a job thats trying to push you out, especially when your kid’s paycheck came in today and they make more than that an hour

but it feels to me like it means he cares, like it means he hasn’t spent years trying to devalue my identity and reshape me as a kind of person im not, a person i never can be, as someone he can actually care about. he creates an idea of who i should be, of what i should be, and im at fault for not fitting it. im old enough to be a moderate liberal by now, the sort who can discuss theories on exactly what sort of tax breaks to give while agreeing on the same sort of vaguely Catholic values, only differing in politics meaningfully every four years.

my mother offers to pick me up from work after she’s done with jury duty instead of making me take the bus home pointlessly, she’s done around when the bus leaves anyway and i like to read when i have the chance. she gets me coffee when she gets it for herself in the morning and because the women who work at Dunkin Donuts like her and give her free donuts sometimes, she lets me eat them.

they’re stressed, they’re tired, they seem as if they fundamentally don’t work together as partners or even as people. sometimes it seems as if abusing me is all they have in common.

but what if they don’t abuse me? what if im at fault?

i know those thoughts are incredibly common among abuse victims, but surely not every set of parents with an overgrown child living in their home is abusive. im a mentally ill mess who can barely hold things down at a part-time job, let alone support herself, where do i get the right to say im being abused when im given food, shelter, a means of getting to work and beginning to pay them back for the massive debt ive accrued over two decades of life? i fucked up, i was told to leave college and have never been able to get back, a college i chose over one that offered me far more in scholarships and who knows what sort of social life.

i should be dead! i should be fucking dead, or at least not be here.

but here i am.

loud noises scare me, sometimes. i flinch easily and i have trouble handling criticism without becoming suicidal. im traumatized, maybe have PTSD.

but what if im just weak? what if im just not good enough?

i feel abused. i think they’re abusive. i think my siblings have just been acceptable enough to escape before their abusive tendencies got to their worst. 

but maybe thats all me.