#ive been working on this for forever and a half
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if tumblr loves anything, it's bitches who are doomed by the narrative. in this uquiz, find out what role are you in the tragic play?
#pls pls pls take it#ive been working on this for forever and a half#judas talks#medium uquiz#uquiz link#my uquiz#uquizzes#uquiz meme#uquiz#my quiz#personality quizzes#personality quiz#quizzes#quiz link#uquiz quiz#quiz#doomed by the narrative#tragedy#tragic
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Tattoo session officially booked for Sept 2!!! Had the hour long in person consult this morning, artist was super sweet and seemed genuinely really excited to do the project. It's a full day (8 hr) session so it's not the cheapest, but not unreasonable given artist experience, selected style, HEALTH AND SAFETY STUFF, time spent on design, etc
Like I am so fuckin nervous and almost threw up this morning but the artist was SO kind and lovely and non judgemental, of this goes well I'll want her to do my whole half sleeve tbh
#franposting#also like. it's a lot of money but ive been saving for eons and its only a tiny fraction of what i have saved#and when you compare it to like. rent prices. its like. oh. well in the grand scheme of things this isnt even half a months rent so#if i have to live with my parents im at least spending SOME of the money ive saved#esp worth paying well for health/safety and also smthn that will yknow. be on my body forever#its at the same studio a friend had work done at recently and she had a fantastic experience#so im comfortable going there#im just!!!!!#parents will be unhappy but oh fuckin well! i know i can never be good enough for them anyway#also like. go big or go home. this is a significantly sized upper arm piece to anchor my eventual half sleeve#upper arm tho so its easy coverage with a rolled sleeve cardigan during the warmer months#bc yknow. workplaces. all that bullshit#after my consult my friends came over we drank and watch part of s2 sab and bitched about terrible fantasy novels#and how from blood and ash is basically just sjm tropes but worse so ofc we have to read it for trashy bookclub#ive already been warned about all the nsff (not safe for fran) scenes im gonna have to skip lmao#but we love sitting around tipsy garbage talking mediocre books#anyway off to play bg3. tmrw is church. nonnas. grocery store(?). pathfinder#still havent meal planned whoops
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I CAN FINALLY READ THE FORESEER MYTH
#i have been waiting forever#i cant stand only reading parts of the story and having to wait for more#so ive been sitting with half the story unlocked forever#and then i realized when i got the second card how much stuff i needed to level it up 😭#it took less time than i thought#at least but thats only bc its the only card I've been working on#love and deepspace#love and deepspace zayne#•°☆°•#I'm so excited guys its 1am and im super tired but i gotta read it now
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MAN! AHH!
#its so crazy to realize that like#you actually do have a life you can go back to after removing yourself from a space that was actively making you miserable#i fucking love my friends so much. been talking to them a lot more lately#i feel like ive been neglecting them because ive been spending so much time lamenting the relationships that havent worked out for me#and just not even thinking about the ones that HAVE and actively DO#and its like. why do i hesitate to dive headfirst into the friendships that i already have and already feel secure in???#i think part of me thinks i dont deserve relationships where i dont have to prove myself#but im realizing that i can draw a distinct line between friendships where i feel loved as i am vs ones where i have to earn approval#and the latter is not where i should be focusing my energy#idk! love my irls. rubyrainacharlie forever#feels like im coming back to who i was pre-all the horrible shit thats happened to me in the last year and a half#like even just after the last two days alone#diary
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READ IT OR ELSE
#THIS. THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WORKING ON FOR A MONTH AND A HALF#*SHAKES YOU* PLEASE GOT READ IT THIS IS ALL IM GOING TO TALK ABOUT FOR THE NEXT FOREVER#candor fic#owl's fic
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ive managed to read 6 books this year but they're almost all novellas so idk if that counts. but i AM beating the illiterate allegations
#one of them was a short story collection lol#only one actual full length book. rip#i am also reading 2 books but i keep just reading novellas while ignoring them#and another short story collection but it's been my 'work reading' so it's taking me forever cus i just read it on break at work lmfao#im trying to read more horror and im finding a lot of more interesting stuff in the indie published short stories#even if ive been kinda disappointed by most of them#but less in a 'this is misogynistic/racist' usual horror book way and more in a it's good in the first half but kinda fumbles the end#if that makes sense. lol#anyways my favorite so far has been to be devoured
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Ya boy got not 1 but 2 friday the 13th tattoos today!
#friday the 13th#friday the 13th tattoos#i also had some kind of allergic reaction/awful sneezing fit thing on the way home#i took zyrtec when i got home and that didnt help so i took benadryl and that only helped a little#did a covid test which was negative but i fucked up the liquid thing so it could be wrong#i’ve used at least half a box of the good tissues with the lotion in them and my nose and upper lip are still raw from blowing my nose sm#i dont really think the allergy/whatever this is thing is related to the tattoos bc i dont have a rash or anything#and idek if it is allergies bc usually when i have an allergic reaction like this i also get hives and my face swells up#and that didnt happen. so idk what this is#and im supposed to go to work tomorrow but if i feel like this still theres no way i can do a 9 hour shift#but i do not have the option to call out of work bc im the only immunizer#but also my last day is wednesday so kinda who gives a fuck#idk all i know is im in bed already and it’s 12:09 which is the earliest ive been in bed in forever
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Getting off of vc and feeling just how tired I am hit me like a truck.
#ramblings#I HAD FUN THO. i think its been forever since ive actually been on call with my friends so it was nice getting to talk with my voice :)#hate my mic setup tho i s2g it doesnt pick up half the shit i say :(#but if i try to use my earbuds my mic on them just doesnt work. bc this laptop hates me
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:) i have fought the fossils.
#i meant. t post more abt it but i saw duna and got excited and suddenly the game was over again. alas..#very nice t get a refresher on the game though!!! its been Forever dkjgndkf#anyway not a single person in this cast is neurotypical ive decided.#piktalk#love this game sm. still could do without th whole romance plot though ksdjgnd#in quotes. bc they do kinda just give u a lil kissie suddenly.#feeling very#'i think im in love with you.' 'oh. i guess i feel the same.' The Feeling Was Friendship But Neither Of Them Knew What Romance Was Like.#about it.#rosie as a character still kinda evades me too bc like.#i didnt like her very much in th first half honestly! like not Dislike but also.#she was kinda mean?? judgy.... like live a lil girl its ok#but. she did grow on me more in th latter half. shes got a bold sorta attitude that works well w the situations(tm)#\o/ idunno!! i think abt characters!!! its what i do!!!!!!#anyway . should really get t seein if i can play th other game....s? ithink theres multiple?? shrug. yippe !!
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hhhhhhhh i am so close to done w this chapter i am DYING (in a good way this time though)
im really proud of how i cleaned up/rewrote/incorporated more parts into this chapter, and now im literally on my final section of my final chapter excluding the introduction and conclusion sections my advisor wants me to write for the week after next, but like, of the body of the paper?? last part
i am vibrating! at the speed of light! god i am so nervous and excited! aaaaah!
#thesisposting#my friends have advised me that another degree (phd) won't make me happiest but honestly now that im reaching the end of the ma?#(reminder: minimum 1 year break between ma and phd Or Else *knife emoji*)#i love philosophy so much. i wish i had this same drive for my undergrad thesis#do yall remember that? holy shit ive had this blog for like 6 or 7 years now omfg??#but. ugh. i wrote that while pissed off and absolutely twisted. based on my half-assed readings of books i now absolutely love#that project is an embarrassment and maybe i will re-do it someday#now that i have GOOD work under my belt#ohhbhh i love philosophy and i want to do it more!!#conferences! seminars! getting INTO it w others! and pointing to philosophers who are NOT the same like 5 people i read for all of forever#rofl. says a blogger w socrates in the url#but to be clear ive never been a superfan. he's just the first a lot of people think about so i memed on it#a n y w a y#i love teaching. i love reading again. i miss the relative flexibility of being able to take a walk outside once in a while between classes#but at the same time i fuckin love my job and my work friends. and im terrified of leaving it. because it's the best job ive ever had#and best i may ever have#screams into pillow. kicks feet. my two loves. this is panphobic and polyphobic both. dang#im procrastinating again by talking in the tags of my own post but uhh!! yeah#that's that
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how does this week keep getting worse wtf
#this is. so fucking unbearable#the tinnitus makes me want to blow my fucking brains out i dont know why it got so much violently worse so fast#but i guess its like this forever now! and it only gets worse!#i thought id be able to deal with it but if it gets this much worse at this rate im so fuxking dead lol this is insanity#i cant take it on top of everything everything EVERYTHING else if god wants me dead this fucking bad she'll get it#life hasnt been worth it for 12 fucking years it CERTAINLY isnt worth it now that im blinder balder in more.pain and.crazier than ever#and the tinnitus makes the screaming in my head eternal#girl theres no point it just hurts to be alive#i cant pay to fix a single one of my problems and ill need tens of thousands of dollars to even kind of fix all of them#i never got to start my life#i never will. not as the person i was. or ever wanted to be. or even close. ive physically and mentally lost too much to do what id planned#and now i cant even live in peace normally even if i were able to 'fix' everything so much of this is permanent and degenerative#spent 24 years giving everything to my family and they returned the favor by leaving me in a rotting box to die and i let it work lol#only took abouy a year and a half too#my dad's family killed off their mentally ill youngest of six WAY faster than it took em to get to me so i guess they got rusty#anyway i love when the all consuming despair comes back im gonna go cry for a bit and hopefully fall back to sleep
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mmm two little girlies who will kill u :-)
#fr#fr dragon share#flight rising dragon share#fokron speaks#caved and bought plaguey sprite bc ive been wanting her forever#and honestly prob better to do it when im only half activve on fr and have no current plans bc that means i dont rlly care how depleated my#gem banks are now bc of it LOL#can spend the next months working it back :-)
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if neil does hold true to ever writing a memoir or autobiography i sincerely think i would put off reading it for months
#hearing him explain the inspirations behind songs already are a lot to take in#but i dont think i could handle him going in depth about visiting chris dowell in the hospital or his funeral#or the period of 1994-1996#or the release era. oh man.#if i think too much about 70s neil seeing bowie in a half full concert hall#absolutely mesmerized by the weirdness of it. of going to a gay club because thats where 'weird ppl' went and he felt like he didnt fit in#ok yeah i'd probably. i want so bad for him to write one#because i like his preface for his lyric book#the way its written and the little asides he does#it'd probably just be an emotional rollercoaster#like if being boring will forever be the only straight biographical thing of his life we'll ever have. it works#as he said - he's a man of mystery lol#a lot of tags sorry wldjdj#ive just been thinking about other musician's and their memoirs and autobios like the ones by the members of new order#NOT ME GETTING ALL LIKE THIS 6 DAYS BEFORE HIS BIRTHDAY SKDJDJD#i just go back and forth on it. its all still up to him. i'd read it i'd just need to emotionally prepare myself#but id like to know more about him visiting labels in the 70s. him deciding to buy a synthesizer. the whole drama surrounding jealousy#of course that comes with learning a lot of potentially depressing things as well
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got a text from the car shop earlier saying my car would be fixed within a few hours. its been several hours and im trying not to compulsively check my phone
#my cars been in the shop for a bit over 2 weeks now#which isnt that long... if you ignore the fact that it hasnt been useable in a month and a half#i just wasnt able to get an appointment til 2 weeks ago#so i feel like ive been waiting FOREVER#and i dont currently have a working bus pass so i feel like ive been stuck at home#cause theres like nowhere worth walking to within a mile of my place#and its so cold that walking more than a mile outdoors fucking sucks#tree talks
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it’s like i made it this far only to completely fucking crash and burn and give up right in front of the people who believed i could do it and who i made to trust me to do it. awesome
#purrs#every time i try to work on my capstone i start hysterically sobbing so i just emailed my counselor (since she never replied after telling m#me that i missed our session even though i wrote back literally 3 minutes later when there were still 40 mins left) to ask if she could plea#please pretty please meet with me tomorrow bc i am fucking dying right now. i hope she sees it bc ive been crying for like an hour and my ey#eyes actually hurt. I need to go to bed and ineed to get permission from everyone to give up because i just can’t do it. i can’t#relatedly i got my fucking p*riod which im sure has no bearing at all as to why ive been miserable for weeks. and now im gonna be in pain wh#while finishing this too which is exactly what i need right now#like i do not see a way out of this other than a) excruciating suffering or b) giving up. the absolute DESPAIR of it all#literally the only reason i am not sewerslidal rn like i was last semester (🥴) is bc im about to graduate and never have to deal with this#shit again once it’s done EXCEPT for the fact that if certain things go certain ways i may forever have to live with the unbearable shame o#of having failed my motherfucking capstone project after working on it for 3 years. like the literal L of it all#*burns thru half a box of tissues in one evening* this is normal. this is exactly what finishing your degree is supposed to feel like
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ME, rubbing my hands ALL over my Adv+02 Chosen head-canons BECAUSE I CAN: Wow I can't believe people like me with my specific background existed in the early 2000's and in the year '02 THIS ENTIRE TIME!!!
#koushirouizumi chatter#koushirouizumi txt#koushirouizumi advs#koushirouizumi adv#koushirouizumi 02#donorchildren have always existed#yes even since the year '02#fuck you#im gonna say it forever#you cannot erase my history#no matter how hard you keep trying#good luck trying to erase donorchildren from existence its never gonna work!!!!#this has been a vent#(I have half a mind to drop the resources ive been saving for years to prove my point on this)#(but weve literally been around since like even before the '70s)#(You dont GET to tell me I cant include donor children head canons in post02 AUs '''because you dont exist in that future''' or WHATEVER)#({Literal Actual Sentiments Ive Seen Being Expressed If Indirectly Recently})#(Makin this post to rb to main later because im Tired)#(THE ONLY REASON I havent dropped those resources yet is because theyre things MY OWN BIO PARENT WAS Researching)#({BECAUSE THEY HAD BEEN LOOKING INTO THE PROCESS EVEN BEFORE THE 90s})#(and its actually really interesting and cool sh*t that Id love to share with people BUT haha . Real Names In)#(Im still trying to look for alternative sources from the same time period but mAN Id love it if ppl here could just LEAVE US THE EFF ALONE
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