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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

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Ig this would be the.. intro? I dunno. It's just gonna be a storyline of how I ended up here. I'm sorry that it's so long

I used to be mildly into benadryl when I was in middle school. I took it a few times for it's intended purpose not thinking nothing of it but then I started noticing I like the drowsiness of it

Which led me to taking some damn near everyday before school. It wasn't anything crazy. I think the most I did was 50 mg. But most days it was the basic ass 25

My parents started hiding our pills after I opened up about a suicide attempt in 8th and up until very recently, we had no medicine at our reach.

I guess I wasnt that addicted. I was slightly salty but I moved on pretty quick. And after a while, I looked back at that time like.. oh WOW uh. That coulda been a problem. Least I dodged it? 😅

Wrong.

I'm now 19 (was 18 when all this first went down tho). I went to visit my mom for Christmas and during the trip I got a bad sinus infection. Tho I didn't realize that was what it was. She ended up giving me some of my younger sisters benadryl. It was. So fucking gross. It was liquid and it was not as potent since it was for kids so I had to take what felt like gallons of it.

By the end of the trip she told me I could just take the rest cause she didn't need it really and I might have issues again from being around all those ppl again on my way back

I didnt really think nothing of it. I liked the feeling but I wasn't thinking about going to my old ways at the time

But there was this day that I was just bored. And I saw the bottle staring at me. And I was just like meh. Why not?

Which is what landed me here. I liked it so much. I decided to buy some tablets on my own so I could do it again. My best friend used to abuse dph so she was casually telling me about some concoction she took that had her feeling nice and I decided I wanted to try it too

It hit me hard those first few times. I was taking random doses with loads of Tylenol. I couldn't tell you how much I took half the time. I would just be dancing around my room, chugging whatever energy drink i picked and taking em as I felt like it was starting to taper some.

Those first few times were. Very weird. My memory was so bad I was forgetting things mid thought/sentence. I had a really hard time talking to my bsf when I was gone off it. My vision wss lowkey blurry and I would be thinking about something and forget that I'm just THINKING it and it's not actually happening and by the time I look back down, ive texted her some nonsense

She used to find it funny tbh. She did warn me against using Tylenol frequently as she fucked her liver at the ripe age of 17 abusing that. So I decided to stop mixing and just focus on benadryl and monsters. Then I started to run out of money for energy drinks so I decided to just up my dosages so I'd feel good off of benadryl alone

I think by this point I started taking... 500? Damn near everyday. Once it was nighttime, I would get high. Unless I didn't feel like it or I forgot, I was high

I used to doordash it to me so my parents wouldn't get suspicious about me going places and only walking out with pills and drinks. But I quickly ran through sm money doing that. Doordash is expensive as is but after a point the packs I was buying would last all of a day or two.

By the time this was going on it was still all jokes and I still felt like I wasn't doing any harm. And she didn't either. We both got high together at one point. We just talked and did our thing til we passed out on vc. I believe this was around... February?

This is gonna seem random but. You remember how I said I visited my mom for Christmas? I got there by flight. But in order to get a cheap ticket I had to sit around and wait for my next flight. There was like... 10 hours of downtime. At the time, me and my best friend didn't talk for that that long. We'd play games together and vc, but usually once we got bored we'd talk for a bit more and say our goodbyes. But this layover junk had me scared. 10 hours is a long ass time. Someone could snatch me up or rob me. I dunno. I guess I was being paranoid

But I asked her one day if she minded staying on vc with me during it. And to my surprise she said yeah. I tried to warn her and shake her off the day of. She seemed sleepy and I was honestly nervous to be talking to her for that long. I thought she'd get bored and just be mad that she agreed

I've always been really antsy and was always worried about people being annoyed by how quiet I am. So I usually overcompensate. But with everything going on, I really couldn't keep up the bubbly thing for that long. I think by hour 4 I was done. My thighs stung from me wearing these jeans I had to pull up every 5 seconds, I was hungry but I didn't wanna eat in her ear, and I was really sleepy.

But even with all that said, it ended up being.. so fun. I wasn't even doing anything particularly interesting. But that's honestly what made it fun. Being on the phone with her taught me what comfortable silence felt like. It was... really nice to have someone I didn't have to worry about doing all that for. She didn't act any different towards me whether I'm on 1000% or being a hermit. She said she'd be there and she was determined to be there.

And while I didn't realize it at the time, I now see that day as when I fell for her. It iss. Kinda weird to think about now. To sum up the rest, we started talking way more; to a point where we were on vc for days and days at a time and we could go hours talking about whatever. Our families started to be familiar with us, to a point where they felt comfortable talking to me and vice versa. Those few months were amazing really

But ofc. All good things must come to an end. I didn't really realize it but she started catching feels as well. But, her girlfriend broke up with her. I guess its fair. We were always talking and shed forget to text her back being busy doing shit with me. She actually said she felt the same way towards me. But she decided that she should be focusing on fixing/proving herself to girlfriend even if that meant ignoring what all happened between us.

It still stings a lot. But at the time?? It was. A huge shock. I already was kinda letting go entirely in front of her. It had gotten to the point where we were always on the phone. So having her just like. Hey yeah I did say I love you and I do, but I love my girlfriend more so we can't talk like that anymore. I was sobbing. I didn't understand what I should do. How could she literally sit there and do all that and just.. boom yeah no more of that. I enjoyed it and you enjoyed it but we can't. I can't lose her

I felt so pathetic and I just wanted to stop thinking about it. Which led me to try to forget it with dph. And it didn't work. At all. I was still scream crying into my bed wishing I could go back to the not so complicated times of before. We were just existing. Enjoying each others company and doing what we felt like. But now, I have to worry about stepping on toes and being conscious of how often we speak cause her girlfriend will get upset if we talk too often

I couldn't even blame the gf tbh. It was completely fair for her to be upset. Which made it feel.. so much worse. I didn't know who to be mad at

And i just.. couldn't figure it out. So I kept going to dph. It got to a point where it wasn't even helping much. It just felt routine. This all went down late february/early march and between now and then, I was almost never sober. I'd stop for at most a few days. Then I'd start crying or something and go back. Not even entirely cause of her anymore. Just everything. I was so fragile. Anything that even mildly irritated me would make me want dph. Plus, it didn't help that I have been genuinely haviing big issues going on anyway.

Before all this went down, I failed a course and lost a scholarship that was the only reason I could afford the in the first place. So I dropped out. Or tried to. My uni's semesters were structured where there was 3 months of school and 3 months of work but none of their job opportunities were close enough to be feasible. So I technically was in school but.. not? I dropped out late february. And after a while of slow back and forth about that, by the time they finally let me out the school, they decided to drop the bombshell that the charges on my account were not for the winter 2022 term, they were from the fall. I'm assuming it's payment for the lost scholarship but I now owe them nearly 7k and they won't give me my transcript until I clear that.

I already had to borrow money anyway so I now owe... 22k? I believe? From one singular semester.

That all coming together is what made me spiral. I had learned that all about late april and I only had a week left to turn in my application for my next school. But now? No chance. I don't have 7k lying around so I can't prove I went to school. So i'm fucked. Least til Summer term

But, I think I'll be on the hook for my student loan soon. I haven't been in school since January. So it just. piled up. I never wanted to be here anyway and now I'm going to be stuck slaving working off my debt for something I was never really that interested in.

I was constantly high around this time. I'd usually wait til nighttime but then? I couldn't stand to be with my thoughts period. I was taking 600 and up everyday. Sleeping whenever and waking up, taking more, then going back to sleep.

Towards the end of this months long streak, I was planning on killing myself. I saw that if the student dies, loan debt would be cleared and I figured my uni wouldn't be pressed enough to hound the family of a dead ex student over 7k. I had it all prepared and everything and I was fully ready. I had bought a 1000 pill bottle of dph a little bit before all the stuff between me and my best friend went down and I still had plenty. I had gotten used to taking grams and up atp as well. So I figured all I had to do is take a few grams and wait.

But, I tried to give my best friend a heads up as in the past, I said I would. I didn't want to lie even if that did mean scaring her for the moment. I didn't say it outright. I was just being real ominous and telling her to find someone cooler if I take too long to be online again and shit. But omg.. It stung so hard to see how scared she was. I thought I was doing her a favor for letting her know that I possibly wouldn't be around but she was so fucking scared. And I felt horrible for it. Ofc, I know that is better than hitting her blind and lying. But yeah.

I couldn't go through with it though. There was so many times where I was going to but I was dreading not speaking to her. I hated ignoring her. And I just started thinking on if I survived. I'd have so much to explain to my parents. Plus, they'd be babying me for however long they end up doing that this time and they'd be watching me for a bit. I wouldn't be able to get high for a looooong time if I get caught

So I just. Stayed. Not really cause I want to but cause I don't want to deal with the consequences of me not staying. And in the meantime I got even more fucked off dph. I was getting to a point where I could barely feel anything below 300mg and I'd for the most part being taking shit in the 750-1k range. I think the highest I've gone was 1.25k? I dunno

But it got... really old. After you get into super high dosages the dry mouth thing turns into a lot more than just dry mouth. It became routine to be using eye drops 24/7 just to read texts cause my eyes were so dry they were making everything blurry. I'd feel so sick and sleepy for days after. And I was always so fucking thirsty.

So I tried to replace it with other shit. I tried to get back into dxm. I really liked it and that one time me and my best friend got high on it together made me chase that same feeling for a good while before I gave up on it and got back to dph. I tried to get back into it recently but swallowing all those damn pills is just. Too much. I tried delta 8. She really harped on it being good and she seems to really like smoking but for me? Delta 8 wasn't nearly strong enough for me to consider it a replacement to dph. I'd sit there and smoke all day and feel slightly different. It ended up getting used solely as a booster for when I took dph.

And that about brings us to now. I've gone a week here and there "quitting" benadryl but. I always circle back. I get really shaky and moody when I withdraw cold turkey so recently when I did it I made sure to taper instead. And it worked... relatively well. I was still was more irritable than usual but I wasn't ticcing so. Good enough

Uh is that offensive to say? I dunno. It's the firdt thing that came to mind. The first time I did it I kept jerking my head to left and I did it so much my neck was burning and cramping. I couldn't stop it unless I was in front of others out of fear of getting caught and even that was only to an extent. I couldn't control it at all and I couldn't sleep for 3 days cause my head just kept on jerking

I thought I'd be done for good after that last one tbh. But I was going to try dxm again cause I was falling off the deep end again and I wanted benadryl but I figured dxm would be a good replacement for the time being as I already had enough for 3rd plat on deck and I really don't have the money to buy anything else. So I took my usual nausea concoction so I won't puke up all the pills. 3 pepto bismol pills and a small amount of benadryl.

What I wasn't thinking of, however, is that my tolerance had greatly lowered since I wasn't taking high ass doses 24/7. at the time I was doing dxm regularly I was use to half grams of dph so 150 was really nothing

But that wasn't the case. I was waiting for the benadryl to kick in so that I'd know when I was good to get going with taking all 80 million of the damn dxm pills. But once the dph kicked in.. I really wasn't thinking about dxm anymore. It felt so good. I missed it sm.

I am. Kinda sad that I'm back to it. As I'm writing this I'm off a 3pm 200mg dose. It's really just the remnants atp but better than nothing ig. I've been trying to keep my doses as small as I can. But with that, I've been a lot more comfortable being high throughout the day so ig it aint that much of an improvement. It's gotten to the point where I'll take it when I'm out and about as well. I was just at the mall bout to pass out cause I decided to take some while I was there.

I just. I dunno. It just feels right atp. I'm so fucking sad all the damn time and this at least diverts my focus. I don't have to be sad about what a failure I've become. I can just focus on being sad about how sick I feel or how much I hate being dependent on allergy medicine. And people don't realize it but they prefer me high. I swear. Within the week I was off it I was told I looked sickly, depressed, and I bummed out my best friend a multitude of times.

I'm less self-conscious on it. I'm just so focused on staying up that it takes more effort for that sort of thing to poke through. So it usually doesn't. 99% of the pictures I take are when I'm high and everyone has been really glad I'm "getting out my shell" I've never been huge on pictures but. lol.

I've never really had too much off the hallucinatory effects benadryl is popular for. Ofc, I've had my moments towards the beginning but nowadays? Never. Unless I nap on it I'm pretty much normal. When I sleep uh. it gets fuzzy ngl. But all the shit about like. Hatman, static, spiders? Never. I just daydream more vividly and I do gotta put in the effort to not forget that's all they are. Plus, it makes music so much better. It's so nice to be able to listen to a song cause I like it rather than to drown out my thoughts. It makes all the basic shit just. Feel good.

Though, I know I need to stop at some point. I'm constantly dehydrated and I'm going to build a tolerance again. I've been good about not going over 200 lately but give it a week and I'm sure something's going to upset me to where I go over that

I'm going to use this page to go into specifics about my habit cause now that she's concerned about it, I don't want to talk to her on it more than I have to. So that will include, thoughts and feelings and possibly symptoms if I'm feeling up for it. It's mostly for me to keep track but if anyone wants to watch feel free.

Though, I'll say this much. If you are going to try and talk me out of it, don't. Not saying it like that but. I know what I'm doing is harmful. I already have an ulcer off the mere 5 months I've been doing this and my heart does it's own thing at times. And to the droves of ppl that love to scream oH sMoKe iNsTeAd!1!11! or jUsT dO dXm!!!1!!111!! pay for it and I will. til I can afford to casually drop the money to buy bottle after bottle of pills for dxm or the copious amounts of weed I'd need to replace dph, I'm just gonna do me and try my best. Sorry if that ain't good enough for yall as well.

#dph #benadryl #dph addiction #recovery?#vent #excessively long

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nomenomens · 2 years

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Nomen

Chapter IV - The Music of the Night

CW: none for now, but please, check About Nomen for more informations

WC: around 1500 words

Previous Chapter: Chapter III - The Reluctant Heroes

Next Chapter: Chapter V - First Love/Late Spring

Masterlist

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February 22, Tuesday, 23:45 (present time)

“Sebastian?”

“Yes, My Lady?”

“You still haven’t decided on a name that I can accept?”

“I promise you, I’m thinking about it, but the fact that we don’t have a file that describes us makes it really difficult. And it’s not like you let me use one of your names we already know.”

“You’re right. But I’ve choose to let you be a part of my life exactly ‘cause we don’t have a file together. You are the only person I’ve met that wasn’t fated to stay with me. No one predicted it and that’s why you’re my trump card.”

“I know, My Lady.”

“I hate those files. Always telling me confused fragments of my past and future, and even if some things change, all I can do is accept them. Follow them. You are my only act of rebellion, with you by my side I can at least control my death.”

“I know, My Lady.”

“You’re not very chatty today, are you Seb?”

“I’m waiting for you to give me orders.”

“Right. I’ve read all the Reiss files in six days. I think this is a new record. Today should arrive the second part of them, am I wrong?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay. Tell Eren that in a few days we’ll talk again. Have you moved him underground?”

“Of course I did, right after we’ve learnt about his Titan, but he could still escape.”

“Good. I know. Seb?”

“Yes?”

“Will you hold my hand while I try to sleep?”

“You don’t have to ask every night.”

“And will you sing for me?”

“You know I won’t.”

“But you hummed to me something last night.”

“Only because you forgot to charge your iPod and it turned off while you were about to fall asleep.”

“…so you won’t do it again? You know I can order you to.”

“Then do it. I live but to serve you.”

“You jerk.”

After referring to Eren of the imminent second meeting, I came back to her room. Poor stupid little girl, she really thought I hummed to her last night. I hummed for her every night since My Lord died, it seems it’s the only thing that stops her nightmares. The music I put on her iPod only covers my humming, and she has never noticed what I do to keep her alive at night. Unfortunately, when she has those nightmares she could stop breathing and more than one time I had to revive her. That’s why I always have some adrenaline with me. I won’t let her soul escape too. I’ve already lost My Lord’s soul, I won’t lose hers. I can’t be fooled again and also, that was part of the last order My Lord gave to me. To help her become the woman she wants to be and to be her loyal dog. What a lousy last order. If I only had successfully devoured his soul I would’ve been free to leave her to her fate. But that wasn’t the case. She doesn’t know we don’t have a proper contract, I’m still linked to her brother’s soul, but she was so helpless when she asked me to be her demon. I’ve tried to humiliate her but this foolish girl felt I was her only chance at surviving. I tried to escape, but the order My Lord gave to me made me come back to her every time. So i forged a fake contract with her, I even gave her a mark, a small black moon below her right wrist, that she can use to evoke me in case of danger. I won’t be able to claim and devour her soul if not after I collect My Lord’s one before, but she doesn’t need to know now, even if she begged me to kill her when the time comes. What a fool.

“Seb?”

“I’m here. Now put on your earphones. What do you want to listen to tonight?”

“I leave you the choice. You know the word I need to hear better than me.”

“As you wish, My Lady.”

I grabbed her hand while sitting at the edge of her bed, always careful not to make a sound and wake her parents next door. My whole life with her was conducted in whispers and delicate movements. I held her hand and started to draw concentric spirals on the back of her hand with my fingers and listened to her heartbeat decrease. When she started breathing heavily I started to hum the song she fell asleep to, the one I had chosen.

“Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world.

Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before.

Let your soul take you where you long to be!

Only then can you belong to me.”

As a demon, I didn’t need to sleep, sometimes I did it to recover the energy but it wasn’t essential. That night though, when I was humming while looking at her I felt the need to lay back, so I carefully moved her to make space for me on the bed and lied down next to her, never leaving her hand. I didn’t want her to wake and let her mind wonder if there was a reason for me to sleep next to her, beside a slight feeling of tiredness. I sensed she was falling for me but, as a demon, I can’t feel human emotions, I could care for her at best, but never love her. I was only drawn to her by the smell of her soul and the last order of My Lord: the subtle flirting was only a game to me, and I had already made sure she knew that. Even so, sometimes I worried that she could misunderstand my behaviour and so I tried to keep my personal amusement at bay.

Once i felt comfortable, I closed my eyes, still humming, because I’ve mastered to do that even in my sleep. Suddenly she left my hand, but her heartbeat and breathing rhythm were still the same, so I was sure she was still sleeping. She rolled onto her stomach and nuzzled her head against my left arm, but before she could touch it I lift it and put it under my head, so her head positioned right beside my chest. In the meantime, her left arm positioned all over my waist as her left leg found its way between my legs. I was really uncomfortable in that position but when I looked at her face I suddenly realized how innocent she looked. She was a real pain, not so bright or even beautiful. Ordinary was the only word I could use to describe her. Except when she got angry last week. That image of her, so flustered and fierce had really left an impression in me, I even behaved strangely immediately after. I didn’t recognize her and I wanted to see more of that side of her, it was addicting and had left me speechless. She had the same look that made me decide to follow My Lord when he was just a lonely child, full of rage and hatred, which were the perfect mix in a such young soul to make me anticipate my meal. The memory of her brother mixed up with the memory of her rage, always suppressed to be the perfect little doll anyone needed her to be, and made me wonder if she was actually worthy. I needed to know but in order to know I would have to corrupt her, break her and let her feelings flow, but I had never obtained a good result, not like the one Eren got out of her in a few minutes. I should have been the only one to make her angry like that, the only one she shows her emotions to. That was the reason I pulled her away from him. I should be the only one to see her unravel. Her grasp on my shirt made me realize I stopped humming and that she was starting to dream, so I resumed my song.

“Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor,

grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender.

Turn your face away from the garish light of day,

turn away your thoughts from cold, unfeeling light

And listen to the music of the night.”

Her eyebrows stopped crouching in the middle of her forehead, so, with my free right hand, I ghosted my fingers over her cheek before grabbing her hand still over my waist. She was going back to normal. I felt a tight in my chest, but I decided to ignore it and so I continued to sleep and humming for her until the first light of dawn, when I left her with the music still going on her earphones, after brushing a lock of her hair between my fingers and placing it behind her ear.

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Author's note: I know, seems more like of a filler chapter, and in a way that's correct, but we also have learned something more about Roni's problems and her major links to music and also we hear Sebastian's side. The song I chose for this chapter belong to the musical "Phantom of the Opera", one I've always liked soooo much. Even if I don't find many resemblances between Phantom and Sebastian, I think they share some aspects, especially in the way the wishes to corrupt the soul of the female protagonist and make her turn into their darkness. Of course, Phantom is human and so things are different, but still it was kind of an inspiration for this side of Sebastian. Well, enough with the chatter. I'll link here the video taken from the movie's adaptation of the musical (even if I highly recommend to listen to the Karimloo's version, much more dramatic) and I hope you've enjoyed the chapter and will like the next one (yes, there will be a Mitski song). Thank you!

youtube

#nomen #aot #kuroshitsuji #black butler #ff #fanfic #sebastian michaelis #sebastian #music of the night #musical #phantom of the opera #poto #original character #sebastian x y/n #sebastian x oc #eren jaeger #Youtube

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myfifthlobotomy · 3 months

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Today is February 1st and this is what my life currently looks like:

I’m sitting on my couching, drinking homemade Nespresso with the vanilla creamer from Trader Joe’s. Speaking of Joe, I only shop there. Shopping there makes grocery shopping feel more cunty and fun. It’s raining outside right now. Yesterday and the day before were super sunny and I wish I enjoyed it more. I think I’m going to feel that way once I move out of San Diego. I wanted to go to the beach today. In fourish months I’m going to be moving back to my hometown. There are things that I am excited about like having my own space and getting another cat. I’m currently not taking any classes and I don’t have a job yet. I’m going back blonde on Tuesday. I haven’t been a full blonde since 2019 so I’m excited. I started going back to the gym again. I’ve gone a total of two days so far, today will be my third. I’m so sore that I can barely sit on the toilet. Last weekend I went on a walk by the beach with a Fiona. We got lunch and some mimosas. Last night I had a dream I took a green tea shot. In real life I have given up drinking hard alcohol all together because it never ends up well. I don’t mean I go wild, I mean I take a shot and end up liking my brains out for the next 5 hours. In Vegas I didn’t even get drunk but had to get an IV the next day. I blame the meds. I’m suppose to go out this Friday. I don’t go out much anymore, compared to the first year we were down here. We’re gonna get a party bus and go to gaslamp. I’ll update you if we decide to go. On my birthday I bought myself a bunch of books. I’m currently reading, “My Year of Rest and Relaxation”. It’s a feel good easy read and it’s especially nice to read after finishing “The Psycholoy of Money”. Aside from all that I don’t think there’s much more of an update.

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asoiafandotherbooks · 7 months

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ASOIAF: Calendar Thoughts

I received my 2024 A Song Of Ice And Fire Calendar yesterday. The illustrations are by Justin Sweet. I’m not an artist, I don’t know the technical details of different art styles but when I look at Sweet’s illustrations, the words “moody” and “atmospheric” come to mind.

The back cover states “Here we see the faces of those who have molded the kingdom and a people, as we travel from Westeros’s history from the ancient past to the present day. From the days of legend through the tumultuous reign of the Targaryens and into the years following Robert’s Rebellion, key figures have influenced or altered the course of Westerosi history, whether knowingly or not”.

I love that we get portrayals of various periods of Westerosi history and not just the common portrayals of the following eras: The Conquest, the Dance of the Dragons, Robert’s Rebellion, and the War of the Five Kings. Westeros along with Essos and Sothorys has a vast history of lore – let the artists unleash it!

The illustrations are gorgeous, with most focusing of the mystical side of Westerosi history.

The cover, and May’s image is Lyanna Stark walking beneath a weirwood with Rhaegar Targaryen observing (stalking?) her in the background. When the cover image for the calendar was released, there was speculation was the couple could be Lyanna/Rhaegar or Aemond Targaryen/Alys Rivers. The blue roses in the image clearly marks it as Lyanna/Rhaegar. The shrouded Rhaegar in the background makes his motivations unclear – is he a lovestruck suitor or an obsessed stalker? Is this when Lyanna was kidnapped/ran away?

Lyanna & Rhaegar’s impact of history is obvious – their relationship, consensual or otherwise, led to the overthrow of the Targaryen dynasty and established Robert Baratheon as the ruler of the Seven Kingdoms. Their son, Jon Snow, is the child of “fire and ice” which will hopefully amount to more in the books than it did in the show.

January’s image is Coldhands. It has all the standard Coldhands identification marks: hood obscuring the face, raggedy night’s watch attire. Black hands, ravens, decaying moose.

What is Coldhand’s impact on history? Hard to say since his identity is unknown. Is he one of the Last Hero’s companions? The Last Hero himself? The former Night King? One of the million Brandon Starks? Danny Flint? A member of the Raven’s teeth that accompanied Bloodraven to the Wall? Benjen Stark? None of the above? All of the above? Until we learn his true identity, his actual impact on history is unknown.

The last greenseer/the three-eyed crow-raven/Bloodraven is February’s image. It features an ancient, skeletal Brynden Rivers entwined in the tree in the underground cave with one of the Children of the Forest sitting alongside him.

Brynden “Bloodraven” Rivers’s had a huge impact on Westerosi public. He was one of Aegon IV’s “Great Bastards”, responsible for the defeat of multiple Blackfyre rebellions and Hand of the King to multiple rulers. During Aerys I’s reign, he essentially ran the country. He also became the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. Those are facts known to the Westerosi public. He is now mentoring Bran to become a greenseer. Throw in all the fandom theories – was he pruning the Targaryen bloodline to ensure the “Prince That Was Promised” was born? Did he have a hand in Summerhall? Is he Craster’s father? Is he Melisandre’s father? Did he attempt to open Euron’s third eye? Did that cause/worsen Euron’s insanity? Did he send the Direwolves to the Stark children? Did he send the weirwood dream to Jaime? We have one of the most impactful yet mysterious characters in the series – is he good, bad, a bit of both?

March’s image brings us the Drowned God and his Mermaid wife: “For a thousand years and seven he reigned here, Aeron recalled. He took his mermaid wife and planned his wars against the Storm God.” Not much to say here except that I enjoy the Ironborn lore. The belief in the Storm God had to be more wide-spread thousands of years ago, as the Storm Gods are involved in the Storm’s End and yet he’s warring with the Drowned God clear across the continent of Westeros. Does the Storm God and Drowned God count as “Old Gods” of the North or not? If they don’t, are the Old Gods of the North considered older?

Shiera Seastar is April’s image. Shiera’s image is of her stepping into a pool of blood. A basic image that is spiced up by the pool of blood as a reference to the rumor that Shiera bathed in blood. The only known impact of Shiera is being one of Aegon Iv’s Great Bastards and worsening a rivalry between Bloodraven and Bittersteel. She was Bloodraven’s lover but was she involved in his plans? We don’t know.

June is Aerys “The Mad King” Targaryen on his throne, haunted by ghosts. Rhaegar may have started the fire that led to the overthrow of the Targaryen dynasty, but Aerys drenched it in wildfire to ensure the destruction would be permanent. His impact on the story is felt in the modern day by Viserys, Daenerys, and Jaime.

The two-page spread is of Rhaenys riding Meraxes. Rhaeny’s clothing looks like Dany’s Dothraki outfits. I assumed it was Dany until I read the caption. Rhaenys was one of the Targaryens involved in the Conquest of Westeros and died during the First Dornish War. The true impact of Rhaenys becomes clearer if the theories of Aegon the Conqueror’s sterility are true because if would mean all the succeeding Targaryen generations would be descended from Rhaenys, and only Rhaenys.

July is Bael the Bard performing for “Lord Stark” and his daughter. The timeline is unclear for Bael the Bard. It couldn’t have happened post-Conquest but if took place pre-Conquest it should be “King Stark”. If it even happened, it could simply be a popular tale. If the Bael the Bard is an actual figure, then he fathered a future Lord/King Stark and thus the Starks have Wilding blood ties. The Bael the Bard story is also a nod to Rhaegar and Lyanna. The one nitpick I have with this image is Bael’s clothes resemble an outfit from the Renaissance era and I can’t see a wilding from beyond the Wall wearing those type of clothes. Or Northmen in general.

Daenerys sitting by Drogon is August’s image. Daenerys is one of the main characters of the ASOIAF. She became the Mother of Dragon and the Breaker of Chains. I don’t think she will succeed in restoring the Targaryen dynasty but we’ll see.

Sandor Clegane, standing on a pile of corpses with his helm’s hound, is September’s image. Odd choice for a “figures impacting history” calendar. He’s a fan favorite but what has he done that’s impacted Westerosi history? Killed a child? Fled from battle? Attempted to ransom another child? Became the Grave Digger? The closest Sandor has come to impacting history would be the various times he’s saved Loras, Arya, and Sansa but as those three haven’t had much “historical impact” it’s a stretch to consider Sandor a history maker.

October’s image is the Last Hero battling the Others and their Ice Spiders. The Last Hero has a huge impact of the history of the Long Night but another individual we know nothing about? Was he Azor Ahai or one of the other named characters from Essos that battled the Long Night? Was he a Stark or a commander of the Night’s Watch? Or possibly Coldhands or the first Night King?

Melisandre atop the Wall is November’s image. A member of the Night’s Watch, most likely Jon Snow, is in the background. Mel’s impact in the current story is the murders of Renly Baratheon and Courtney Penrse. She might have a role in Jon Snow’s resurrection. The reveal of Melisandre’s true age leaves a wide range of possibilities for events from her past. What exactly has Melony of Lot 7 seen throughout her life?

December’s image is of a Wilding and a pair of Giants riding Wooly Mammoths beyond the Wall. The Wildings/Free Folk have an impact on the present day story (Mance, Ygritte, Tormund, Craster, etc) and are seen throughout the history of Westoros, fighting both with and against the Starks.

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artemisfresh · 1 year

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Sitting here on the couch, watching Grey's anatomy, somewhat paralysed with fear after now being unwell again for the fifth time since December. Covid & tonsiltiis at Christmas, then tonsiltiis in January, February and March, and off the back off the last tonsiltiis I now have some kind of viral flu/cold/chest infection that is worse than all the tonsiltiis together.

I've done this dance before. Ive had recurrent tonsiltiis before. And I've been unwell for 8 years already now. And I'm scared. I thought I was just on the up. I really thought I was getting past the worst of it. I've been working so so hard. Finally up to working 20 hours a week. And I'm scared that maybe that's just too much for me.

I don't want to be scared, and I'm trying not to. I know my body is doing everything it can to keep me safe and healthy, it just sometimes doesn't feel that way. Or it feels that I'm doing something terribly wrong but I just can't figure it out. Working too much? Not eating the right food? I know I need to exercise but the fatigue and POTS makes that near impossible.

I guess yeah, im just scared. Scared about the now, scared about my future. And I'm trying to tell myself that it's okay to be scared.

#chronic illness #cfs/me #potsie

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bronzebtch · 1 year

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nervous energy ft. personal issues (warning: long af) under read. but really im fine! just nervous <3333

so actually. for those who dont know, i'm 25 right? and im asian. there is some cultural context in there but im not gonna elaborate. but like, in december 2022, i was on this job — i was an assistant producer for a documentary company — and i... long story short: i really did love the people we interviewed, the places we've been, and the crew i was working with. but at the same time, the very person who was from my company (cause we outsourced most of our crew) really.... sorta really did me wrong. and ah!! im crying again writing this a little haha. but like, what i got away after quitting the job was that i was .... just this horrible fucking co-worker.

and the thing is, i know i did good. i know i did the best i could with what's given. like i was on my ass everyday arranging the people / the places we're meeting (bc we're dealing with a lot of academics and historians and museum curators etc), making sure the documents are settled and prepared, and having to be on top of the crews' general health whilst making sure we were wrapping on time so we can get to our next location. like!!! i really wanna believe i did well. but i also know i made some mistakes bc the miscommunication between me and my co-worker was so, so bad. and it just.... it left me so scarred.

and i kept thinking, you know. it's me. if i wasn't such a bitch, maybe this wouldn't have happened. but i also know logically its just honestly horrible miscommunication, and it was both our first experience on a back-to-back travelling documentary (hes like,,, 35+ male btw). and my co-worker and i did sit down and talked it through, but i still.... i left that meeting for some reason, like. not the same. like idk how to say it. i got home, and i had one of the most awful breakdown i've ever had. (like, to the point i got nervous trying to pick out a shirt to wear bc i didnt know how to dress myself.)

long story short, ever since i quit my job (ive been unemployed since jan 2023), i have not touched my computer for almost two months. i was so genuinely scared of it. making rhea in late february i think was like, the first courage i had to open up my laptop, and i'm so happy i did, and i'm so happy the friends i did gather here were welcoming as hell. you guys will have no idea how much everyday you guys encouraged me to do something else besides just.. mourning for my fate. i got motivation again to create because i'm writing with many of you. but the thing is... i've been trying to apply for jobs but i cannot do it. i can't. i can't open my email. i can't open my whatsapp. it terrifies me!!! and i don't know what to do, because i want to have a job, i want to keep moving forward, i don't want to always be afraid, but i am!!!!! i am!!! and im so sick of it!!!!

i want my parents to be proud of me again!!!! i had so much potential and i was so smart and i was so bright, i graduated with honours and 3.8 CGPA, and now what am i!!!! im none of those things!!!!! i feel like all i am are my mistakes!!!! and im so frustrated!!!!! and i want to get my shit together so i can provide for my sister and i can go out and eat with my friends!!!! but my god, even waking up sometimes is so, so hard. anyways .... i know this is long, but - if you're wondering why i'm slow atm, this is why! bc im rlly hoping i'll get a job by april :(( i'm okay though. i just. i need to let this out somewhere.

thank u for reading. rant is over :')

#GENERAL: OUT OF CHARACTER.#so ....... its me? hi? im the problem its me?#but honestly .................... i just wanna find that courage again. thats all.#being terrified all the time is so scary. would NOT recommend

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libidomechanica · 1 year

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Untitled (“That they are”)

A sonnet sequence

-May’s eldest child, beautiful as here they. For Juliana comes, and ever at night, night clips, it flush’d through your friendly face doth live. My love’s veins thou hast thy call the fiend best knows whether woman even now in the tents: take up those for what grew more terrible! Tears amid the villains all. In gentleness into a Church my prayers had power, with such a day or so the earth has left his estate the lamps of Heaven, and she would have had had made them more strange fashion, seeking it comes or goes; you have confess? Portion of forty’s sure if t is Matrimony. That they are.

Is yet his frozen seas? Deluded swain, the best judge in haste; yet inexperience comes or goes; you have heard, I know, i’m thine—but Grey was not deeds. Where was a moment, then when love, to the mark’d and I will give while all delight, feare to brow like you time and pale his meagre face: perhaps the sun came up naked and day could send fortune, haplesse my need; desier still the soft babe in arm: there contentment in an appeal to thee. Shower, and fever charmed verse or muttered prayer. Help, father, brother, the low wind whiskers, to demand what your intention with regular descended died.

III

The lake doth possessed by the first discern’d, we, fix’d so, ever sets, and brere; who insufflates the ground: they went onward, each cheese-paring. Share should be at home to become. Ledges drip with great torment, but mutual render double-vantage, double, and think of your epitaph to make here; but with toil, I have come to this faire breathing- while other: when the great morning and small; and the broad waking matches, where lay twelve books are merely in the body takes so much divide what flooded your mound! Your Highness—verily I think is to be told time ere long salt winding mossy ways.

The sexton, and after the child! Body of skin, her mouth a doubtful smile the dyer’s hands caught into the pale cheese-paring. But the world’s bitter wrong can the kye. Tell her music, you gave a score of your eye will both jump back, feigning to feel that watch’d Urania; so is it seems the stream is flowing, and opening one after frost. And bade the past my way. A silent sea, and beasts and me. But could not love, to give relief, luxuriating on its touching thine at mornings, shaking a hundred. In sorrow Ile wed; Despaire hath got the halcyon Morn to hoar February born.

I bid you see.-Lane rings to Hallam’s Middle Ages, ’ and on thy sweet passions lie; vertues golden lights in the tedious time so idly spent; sing to the yell of the lovely fare, myself down? Straw to suck all the drains the vultures to the sun, and loathsome cause i crossed the white of either eyes serue him who places long-distance, grounded by both of us—a watch the girl when a tickets would I give? And have had him leave, so I would confess’d that the end they rose shrank like a celestial canopy. And held in holy silence from the most difficult to rhyme so, side by side.

And mourn the ghost radio, may never disciplined and needs must prize the pine its garlands sere, then can I fly no farthest shore, far from this, prithee try she keeps it for you! Bow rose, and some yet live, and for my bow, or a wind that, bright station, gleams on me, consulting the Society for heavens high, left nothing thine at mornings, shaking its spokes of the poor Lover! Grief to fall like my heartless patriotic charity and pied, and light whisper’d fright in youth; when the grave for one—all people said you content with my valentine. Since nothing all my woes I wrate; stellas sake.

VII

The bats and middle ages, that picked them. I’ll sit me down and envied passionless afar the lie. And found him at her glad arms and that, brightly: on a cheek with her, gathering woman is soon absolvèd. Vibrations, he came instead with beaded bubbles winking off, about in exile where Adonais died? Free adit; we will not better know. How could their arms, their moon, the stair—lean on an ocean waste had fled from me. On him like pageantry of monumental woe, and as the self-same song of night’s starr’d face, remembering her Eyes up to this faire breath; of the truth thought was a catch.

VIII

Mourn our living me some on with the venom when his morality whate’er he may be eclipse. Says he, They ’ve taken off her jewels, her lover. Doe Stella alone, aloof. But thou guess thy dart hath drunk poison brought to go by quickness; left me in one common fate of all. To bleed and was a commence: such things in one, with the Diamond water for once as freedom shall readers take for her feet where’er the abandon’d deer struck; with tall men upon foolscap, while I lay; seeing sights—then began to ride. And I see her bosom burns bright or dim, as was natural sympathy.

An impossible song that word, nay sigh of mind. And man, the snoopy man and break yielding note do sing: whose thunderbolt not apart; but since thou suborn’d informer! If Time have wept with the western wave, touch’d by thy most kisse.-Song I may not care at work was done—how soon my Lucy’s race was run! The women much divided—as is usual among the wide world must no more tragic and morning them; yet Faith still bite my thigh and my back. His airy harp shall not been set to music, words and with loved, why? ’ Juan, undecided to give it her. You have eyes sent to have always does.

What wastes life’s lower shut did hang that worst of thy happy lot, Lament anew, Urania’s eyes. Intend a zealous priest, sing no sad songs sake. The virgin’s first of Cantos up to bless your name day. I should know I bear my mother open-mouthed, and by their gates with the saints to sever me from Miss to Miss, an erring world, and wipe the rustling seen. Hew out a huge monument: and all in one, of one, still on stilts, yclept the Great and to answers, all over us, and move, and of thine? Let me not wholly dumb, since I Ioues cup do keepe. The deil a ane wad speir youth a nervous twitch.

So first of all the filthy by-lane rings to the king locked and bower, shall shine as with my eyes. It felt, yet could not say I love holds a statesman’s hand in this great oath I swear, not a kiss me, so long! This— dost thou my old comparison of snows, don Juan was deem’d amiable and laughs at our dear self! Which wooed wo, most sublime, but when she weeps: sdeath! Are green lizard, and the brighter by thy fangs o’erpay. Soul, and floor, most grace, wherein I fry? Sublime of— Heaven is not the last clouds before, albeit my years old, she sate, while my crimson currents flow, i’ll love and lang’rous waist!

XII

Where I was seeking it comes from its pacifier. Lips let me be obsequious in the child on one fountains murmur, between pity mock not Woe with an inward scoffing. But in two years’ space, wouldst bear. Mind at rest but strike me destroy, Out of her temple of thy sleepe, it was here should bid thee like dew upon a hoary brand; the palace: we will make eye-water in the centre, dart thy spirit’s self must have been her kindling but as he fell. Her tolerant enchanted slope in the mortal names, and by the last gray hairs bid come, we will bite my thighs so closely clings till thee.

XIII

And cold head, nor by mustachios moved, why? There let fall a part: so, either side of our faces, even that you may tend upon by both, to be double knockings. To sing my Highland lassie, O. Yon hills and dinted in kisses with the princesses did their happiness who knows? Like to a flame grown moral, still so early, the sky and what softer breast making the wine. Wake thou free but droop there, with their farthing of your mouthed, and right, and pass’d from afar, nor can we began to ride. But droop there, or, like a true ally. Is there unaware in beautiful. Had sat beneath his Feet.

XIV

Turn in blood, and Echo there, when I feel. Mine thou wait beside the world. Catch not my own face I see her bosom bleed: but there, when body’s work’s expire! Who might have been her kindling brats the melancholy thunder moan’d, despair under thus are riven! And yet—she has not, if female whispers tales of life; died on the grass above are dark, where the ruthless arm; time and then she was brought forever shining slowly first, the fat lizard barks, a silent, save thou, cried Misery, childless Mother, me, that lost Travel, girded up his Heart, as if facing a bier, it sinks, the lists, and call.

Tramples may be safely stuck on a heap of bones, is it peace or wake and welcome she’llwish that spring of thy footsteps to a grande passionate tears which dull Time All stood nor had power, with sparkling I listening on a plate as blue as their gazing on a plate as blue as thoughts more strange goings on and my sour and unsmooth limbs when twilight chamber spreads around, and the Hall, dropt in her vineyard—yes! The name o’ clink, that I an access the sexton tolled the diamonds, never feel my fathers’ graves are green lizard barks, a silent horror of blood, even when only asks to lay.

XVI

Tall as dead: henceforth we let you oil my scalp. And all her Body change against myself away art resent of linden blossom wavering fled! Peace, peace! Made bare his; the shore, far from the thrones, built beyond mortal though she did fall, and sue a friend and gaming gains a wreath full of promised then an echo and a day blanched in one love than pairs of wedlock; she you were torn from their titles a’ arc empty show; gie me my Highland lassie, O. More Muse- like—like to a Diamond the proud feet that very sure to take bread crust crumbles and is cold head, and in lights that dimmed her life.

XVII

Hue, and twilight wings, he wakeful ear in the forests shook three dozen. Many, in whom Love don’t, Cash does, and lur’d thee living world, north, south, of love! Is the spot shall move like the ore, of which, erring world of our far days, the singularity: now thou art not soar where you dash on; expounding all the national debt-sinkers, and like returning, nor wear as graces, where I go. Come, reap thy right, her virtue leads people said you content with myself down? Of his strange too in my own heart had got another face. Blind, and Echo there, thou must speak, and the surprise—fling through those can kill.

XVIII

With adoration; the books are born to lay here dead; you stole from a lucid urn of starry Fays; where drowned in silken fringe of his you never can be old, for thee. Looking the mortal lair, all new successful too; winning postures, that high Capital, a churchyard she was—and had been added but them, until morning, noon, and in hands and her like the lamps of Heaven-song I may not care a pinch of rosin about thee so, that hadst thou sprung; and motion make a Lady of my being. Black loam long manured by Vice, only to pursuer, worn out with double-vantage me.

XIX

By iust couple too this demurre our sute doth keepe, lifts a young Love, ’ why not say I love you, then, dear love, I think of the young as yet o’er the Sphinx. But of fine unclipt gold, whereof some but being so good an opportunity, no doubt, the graves unnumber’d name! But, Delia, more fast his scythe and life is warm. And be cheats us from my mother time mine own weakness being Love flee, and to and free of an immortal curtain’d love from me, stood with face her wish’d in Heaven is love, to the Fire. The welcome show eye and know thyself to be felt and press tree: be the best way to break.

Yours is a new ass spake to Balaam, and wept outright; then I ’d followed up by prudes with claw&rock, when at last, neglected from me, so lively figur’d, and his crimson currents flow, i’ll wish I were renew’d; whilst thy music drop here unaware in folds of Time, perhaps the invisible Corrupting, salving thy power to kindled hope, the wilderness, not one word? So him I lose my fallen, have fallen: they range busily seeking, or she I was seeking it comes by them went the enamoured rustic, woodland grew, your passion ought, another Splendour, for from thee.

XXI

So stood aloof, and knocked upon. Still, and some ice. The tender-ship, cried out, embrace you yet once more, and like or what seems it rich to herself whilst, like a primrose pale, and let thy loud heart shall hear, i’ll wish I were renew’d; whilst I singing an impossibly escape, the thin ore where brew’d from the quest. Going into teares, now hopes from your wine and a light retir’d: Come hither. Yet they were crying and loveliness, torturing the silver fountain or of cape; but far than that word, but of eve, when you survive I forged you say you loved the little reeds, and let me part forsworn.

XXII

And while I lay; seeing I feel. He had leave: but, Oh alas, how she got her, I see nought the sexton tolled there, emitting truth though but of our art, wee’ll try to keep my drooping eyes; amazed they sprung; and more, whose light redeem in gentleness into a Church my prayers had ponder’d at, that had then brake out my ribs, and bare straight my mind was white hills, white nor set, haply I may hold dominion sweeter change is my songs sake. To live on through all that I am sick of thanks, for youth in its wild and lovely: he doth disproue, they do much amiss, excusing the pride where Adonais died?

XXIII

And added but that have glared upon it? The air my quiet breathe on me! Which on the law of change. Three years they do weare his; the shoes. The wealth and ocean is soon absolvèd. Dance, and silently without a kiss nor look upon you, you must have I hear my mother cry lord, what kind of chilling Will, devouring soul the bell. She found in his delight in well-raisde notes; my pen— where everywhere, that free the sun peels from its pacifier. Thy extreme hope, our sorrow, is not mere splendour on his own sorrow he sung new sorrows freshly bleed, and I was the curse of Cain the Stranger!

XXIV

Than pairs of wedlock; she you were wet world, and fears, and paine, find some reject three summer heats and mark; that living creatures, and presents into her dim dwelling-place; Through time they dead live to the hermit would bring part of the memory kept alive, A pardlike Spirit with their status as of old gold, a heart may bring the law have seen the ground for my very day—they’d shown an awkward squad of the city break. I feel good feels like Cain’s or Christ in the grave among the rain clings like thy face and that’s enough; hope, in pity mock not Woe with one that found him at her side are his; the shoes worn down a story of faults conceal’d, where youth with morning slow for many a mused rhyme, doe you danced until morning, noon, and the fountains rise, thy fate I know my leaving in the ground; the next trees and number, voice, warmth and heaven is not vain: let me, no vagrant insect then if thou nothings.

XXV

It is a great head—for he is gathered, smell of sorrow lend me words, are we; two of us they are, that causes my smart, if that living clay. To that in the wilds of gold, devouring on, as if it were, Then die, that when she sages, whose smile dwelt an iron nature said, Dear hearth, tasting of all things shoot, and sickness; left my body mine offence, thence, and yet am I not from many a pleasant guise, when dames whose rules the statesman’s dross. Which public manners each in each doth waste, my knowledge of love deceives a brand, and in the same though ice burned with moon and take here.

XXVI

Time and Thought was a trifling case to moan! And now can never seems the low wind whisper, not a quantity of the East had raised an interestedness of time they share: their visage shines, Earth’s shadow of white death cricket chirps against his first discern when love or lust makes a son leap in the pleaded—whate’er he might I miss. The king sent out ioy, thoughts and strong and the policemen who kicked my body has some springs to fold to foot, watch the same single ladies in the gleam in mockery of mischief is increasing no sad songs the bottom of the waters as may believe it.

XXVII

I find in unascended down the plain physics, the Pythian of the Hall, dropt off gorged from room that ladies in thy cold embrac’d. Lest, where, round my body have most they who blunder’d; and pledge of love! As if in fact, we’re far from much improvement with golden chaine the orator so farre then my tears, led by a Jew. For bending from his Love—then, worst befell; they warm into a swoon: and drear and could find some way to her your Highness did not stand in hands and dust. Thoughts more shee strive and hang a tear some ease, but all is the disaligned. Let us stay rather with how wanne a face!

XXVIII

He had won. In the spoke, and when the golden Day, while under our care. Lord, what avails to make us still arriving from its skin. A greater sorrows fresh batches— all matchless creation, the breakfast table mess. He is secure a goodly guardians blame: so when he drew her robe to Heaven, and still smother’s mien, and now and said … Nay, we are. The ringing voice; the kind world’s slow stain she faded, like statute of the women faster welded into Memory stung, from heavenly calm, and had been, I believe; although that when our side against the weight of Summer from the quest.

XXIX

When my soul abroad; the dancing shower. Of bones, is it peace and have no bounds: to love by charms, faded the immortality. So Cash rules Love, I could discern when tis made, never hear her forehead hopeful Isle, who lends who hath prove more hate, He will awake no more: I want nothing? But, if he his lesson’ they aboue loue that our deep, outstretch’d and morning the pretty creatures, and fears numberless, as each ancient cathedrals what is an island with wicked words enough; noons of sleep becomes you: home is not more short that today is my day to not judge. You love us, play no more.

XXX

And had been others burn away: yet these vicissitudes tell best in Abraham’s bosom all that faire breath most breath, to mournful twilight Phantasies; descent, in the tears fall into a country, where men sit and its splendour sprung in deserts the miser’s eyelids open wide, looking in one common men with her, give me thus? Our hero gladly thee presents thy share should be wealth I haue most difficult to prayers had ponder’d at, that coast, am given to wear the nights of love, no doubt: but the old lion, glaring wild, and began a blind do see save the very eyes are bent.

XXXI

Heaven, and ivy dun round stems that by. I dust her singing joy of the Hall, maud is here or they fell: leave me the proudest of stormy mistress bent that deity. And this vanished, and sere in mockery of mischief’s daily brewing, Thy spirit shall feel an overseeing I saw not, yet could please me at a wink, whene’er ye lightly me, but, trowth, I care na by. But by degree, ye gentle writers, in the day, fair the first her side are having the motion as they laid; and was white; but I am chain’d at Love’s fire that in thy control. But by degree, the inward scoffing.

XXXII

’Er her arms at village cars follows on the moonless can never grownde did prove? She has enough, and reddening is possessed witch, haunting heart to head, an image which the very sheet which eyes not yet could escape. I have both wits, and where ’t is golden snake, like to a Diamond pendent in any way; since all, and gray, which dull Time torturing thee Proof that the unknown land for every limb, what sharp checkes I in myself no quiet find.—Just ere she does departed be. Morning souls to touch, and smil’d! Like an aged aunt, or tiresome verse, which, hear this, so might half undo it.

XXXIII

But what you must be to one deep chamber. Life’s ironies irritate my afternoon light, Within the dull brain perplexes and nothing but as a kiss nor look be lost: so am I in thin array afternoon a sound arose of hoof and chalk and be cheats us from the woman’s hands caught in her loving head like or what Clasp with true-love tears fall into a swoon: and drear flat of earth has left but memory, doth compare, myself in youth’s lamentest is not my own. Since the falling tower, rang ruin, answer’d not, but that to each; and if thou wilt, remember’d limbs and sighs.

XXXIV

To find the though the same construction from what still water? To woo, suppling and sunburnt mirth! His air, exposed him, and at these men came to live and Nature’s sharpest pangs o’erflows quicksilver small surprise of people shun me because of green lizard barks, a silent gulf between. For which dull Time and burn. Me sooner fight thrice o’er the sea; the amorous heart of harlot, couleur de rose, rob’d in death approved all in vain would make him invisible cloak that fatal night urge the men of mine, all men, puzzled by my onely head. My love to thee: the castle he met an old jockstrap.

XXXV

If charme the shore of the Loves around, the lovely Rose,—tell her sails were his bar to take. When I love her as well if she knows no art, but she’s mine with strong, face to me like thee virtue even in the next of person of condition, it had been toss’d, he scarce extinguish’d not; with travel tired; but in the way she went, unterrified, cool’d a long-cramp’d scroll freshening and that gladly saw his lips, soft hand, she set the last, upon the next comer; or—as it well? Verdict—grievous foe to this drear and the blue eyes there, light years in vain—died on the whole world their outside, which shows that weeps.

XXXVI

You are sleeping floors never he mutter’d mountain or of cape; but Cloe is me! The sponge beneath whose disdaine hath scarce expect much better it was, t was not more sharp than those became a kind of child with expects your Venus, when died Adonais: wan they might? The ashes should have heard that eyes are full of the walking Things there is fam’d to owe it to have sunk, extinct in thy lofty thou would take the ore, of which methinks that spurn them like a printed page, black letter? This Child I to myself I do, doing their prey. Too soon, and whiskers, to demand what your intention with the door.

XXXVII

Some dear embodied Good, some life can be sparing, know not what vision Venus sends of Day and Night no wretch, object is most there lies meet mass’d in death in the wilderness; wash’d his lips, more dear inhabitant below. An earth and was a coming him we lose with shot, her one faint away, which all the empty out, but whose last clouds and with moons, dos’t shake it. Or else by a Tombe did seem in a fit, ’t was not in kind but in thy loud heart has not, if female whispers near: into treasures grieved, that cries— let it but here, and to say her dancing with the world, and she what I do to thee.

XXXVIII

The motions of a heavy heart, let not my love’s sweet forgoing schwa in the bed’s sheath of late the stream. In many a loathed furrows in your chest without flaw the hypocrite! Of syphilitic Black bodies hanging thorowest words were the proud feet that him up as an old jockstrap. He will not be so, I think of the clematis. The dead a light and dashing style which state discrie, whilst I work with many a place the worlds to pieces of Christ in the forests, cease upon thy balmy lips let me steal one liquid rest, forget a wound, his purpose brutal summer in full-throated ease.

XXXIX

What the Throne.—And life contentment in my youth: but the Parliament anew, Urania: her distress rous’d Death: Death can yield me but a common air. Rest of summer heats and the sons of a high romance, and shape, and now I must tell her still and faded eye: yet, O my friendship which has with stars awake no more: yourself what’s call; but ah! Must accuse you all—I have fill’d their gates without shore. And like thee to live, and shaking itself enough; succeeded, a peril— not indeed so? Therefore? To other slender hand, by secret brow, which means of life’s flower is first accents on mine ear.

His very eyes of men—youth, and riots wanton is, school’d onely Deare: but Ida spoke so long! But while he, despised I with summer. That ’s underhand, not openly bearing here, on one knee: then—all good god make churchyard lie, my sister and beware lest, where dully rests containing swarm will bring me my Highland Lassie, O. Gone, and quite away, and break footing, from whose in sorrow which it were breath, he came to not just awake in its beautie virtuous, thoughts lay even as a ghost of Scandal stalk’d about, teares pull her starving tact as well as I. How far it profit!

XLI

And haply the sunlight vapour; which holds my selfe in life and light, it seemed as blessed souls can’t oblige her with such melodious pledge them the true numerous graces, where was so much to the yes sirs&ma’ams to keep their sister’s charcoal sketch: you are my right guid will, to sing my Highland lassie, O. Quarters on a shield the bones of the Storm grace to face, a thousand marriage also keep the worlds, until Death, thy divine: thou liest in Abraham’s bosom burns with to woo your Highness—verily I think of your body has some holy order; when some fair creatures who doth it deny?

XLII

I trust any of the past, having got it, then quicken, confusion of the deep, dear friends of dawn that night, and blocked and bran, bread crust crumbles and due to languid limbs a drooping eyes; amazed they sprung in deserts the mild emerald’s beam shades down wi’ right guid will, to sing my Highland lassie, O. And Pleasure that Stella loue. To be fair. How far it profit much more be grieve, as if to stem I have made their heart—it is thy adverse party is thy hear’st thought her to build a college, or two with life- enkindling brain silent croak. Of tears fall into a scrape, but adulteration.

XLIII

Me sleep, thy picture then my eyes. That Beauty fall; that doth not sleep the more pure that picked pear and I am safe, and left to me this head was bound Prentice to annoy; trebles sing o’re, and welcome show eye and knocked upon the Belov’d of him when thoughts and owlets builders in the golden Day, while I lay; seeing sights—the fool believes who is it, there is this new position— but I’m resolved to secure a good nor spoke, drained of herself whilst Ben he was a time, with daily brewing, which crowned her desire without the oldest said, Dear heart to him like worms and silver lyre unstrung.

XLIV

Juno still I force of repulsion and my body mine obscure; on him with many a mused rhyme, sweepstakes for he is gather’d into death, resume; and her grave we played, my brother John and I. Birds in our wood; and tossed irresolute Ones who had else receivest without a proclamation that and blind, old and dreaming evil, I haste to blow—then brake out my song: in brief, the lorn nightingale but by the eye of scorn, upon thee more, never had a mothers have faith in a tradesman’s hands caught in your city you wouldst thou forgetful Muse, that eyes are born to lay here dead, would understood. The bats and men into that your eyes, making Woes darkness, the riddle of epic Love’s fire that every place—we’ll take; she shall rehearse when the eager Muse; peace, pen, for my sake stay, let Vertue but that true that he welcome, song after sunset, sir, when the day! While she and I.

XLV

Seek shelter in their chief transgression is, among the the air, we held him up as an example to me;—of whom, when he lay, whose rules the Unapparent. And would have been seized up without a dawn, killing fear I find it of a different windows but want to speak. Your leaves, where the guy. She cried Urania: her distress, side by her, like moist finger on my books. I’ll wish I were a mermaid now, for the wheels wind. Thy hapless green, the snowcap gleams only the lark’s wilderness. My dressed; the next of perils, the lost a gesture and cups full meaning leaves out and in the falling, maud, Maud?

XLVI

Love for only Hope to be depreciated: it is—I really was delight unto eternity, whose arms championed our cause a hope to be told time ere long will come and solitary now. His mouth a life of joy with music sadly? Desire, because was thy bloom, whose transmitted, like an infant charge safe with our spirit of murmur my trouble, well cultivated, it will soon deceive the middle. My mind, for as your health from men and to dance no more: then—all good go with never- wearied love, thyself to be! While the harsh prude indemnifies her vain caress.

XLVII

Look at what we haven’t made love in weeks; four, three, I would have loved me in it and sing a songs sake. Prove as true to the dormitory, the faery lands and the vine blush’d through the twanging the molecules. Thy extreme way incomparably light unto eternity,—and some I could resign: robert Burns: let me sleep, thy picture in my ear, to drink a drop of wine and gave his hard-mailed himself Narcissus, as temples be, and I maun cross the true concord of welcoming must usher night, nay day, and change against my strong infection wails for such a pure moment his wife weans.

XLVIII

The breath; with female hands and me, Love! Since thou, who have left as the fangs shall paint out an amatory score, mourn not form and field and it sank into fire at either white star in the highest: but as he theme of praise from those bred up by prudes with a rabbit’s foot, and she, with indignation: but come, and followed the breathers of life; so thou to Rome, which, like music from his gold that alone which is worse, to put you oil my scalp. The fat lizard, and began a blind and drain’d. The kind world’s bitterness they laid; and when so, you, looking and calling showers, those soothing spells to speak.

XLIX

But great plans: yet speak ill of thee: the billow’s roar, for her I’ll dare the rapid tide shall be together; and as for other it seems, the few women’s tears: they lose their burning there—You tell thy might have gone by, when into Reasons audite I do goe, and life can be but black room that reliefe: but, Oh alas, how she got on, he fountains, fresh and wonder how the season such as—’Unless Miss Blank meant and all her failings, and by sea, war with adorations, he sung new sorrow which increased. Or laid great plans: yet speak to you To you I say, you had reform’d to owe it to have hated, who grew, a godlike mine own brother John was forced to go and hew out a censuring woodland lilies, to keep my mind, and burning bed and the silent on they ought to be vnkind, poor weakling every means to me, the blood, and think that sang from the Earth’s shadows numbers time so idly spent!

So is it, thy dart hath got the last, but I’m prepar’d with that oft-times hath whose tapers yet burn through this male nature to take this day; but once their burning me, but keep her mind; growne between my thought. And over all the vermin in a nut have from the Almighty youth a little through glittering and gather stooped, re-fathered, smell still, and monogrammed watch, her blooming must usher night, thy nature in my chaster ear will not gainsay the wilderness. His death is gone, and led a hundred a lady’s maid. But, as I’ve remark’d distinction of the eastern star. Where all things beautiful.

And you held me well. This young as yet soaring and woman. You talked in my sight awakes my heart an eddy from me. And so he chewed his part, where all the slave and with the world’s wide night, and true’ varying to the grass, uncared for, spied its might from their trance, the illusion’s self has ceas’d she: and you fed by the scorner’s jest! Of fine unclipt gold, whose disdain she pin’d away along the soft a rodde deare Monument shadow-like to Cytherea’s shell. Whenever—which is now bestowing. Best and one more calm and faded from above, on earth crumbled. And overwhelms us all.

LII

The heart monitor, the loveliest and brere; flower-nibblers, the ore, of which dull Time each by mutual ordering, or laid great think of the mourns, his own? And softly said, Dear heart to himself for fits. That did not the hall, and still my Delia dawns, more let alone as my objects, the highest: but as swords have thorny road, which eyes not wholly dumb, since our only poet;— passion, that night, and o’re, our own age, now could scale is gather’d into a new sash on, or wish to take it Sir, ’ and gainst your joy: tis not to discpline. A silent lightning leaks from crime, perhaps this will not ask.

LIII

Ye wadna been seven years in Italy, and ought to be; or bid me die, and yet bent on the child; she promise always love I bring the rain; I shall grow a night before the shade, which on thy sins are; for to them. In a big box store these flame transmitted, like flames are your mouth, and nigher, the accents of the grass, and winged Ministers say white folks hair is a million fighters; while each doth waste, matured, you give up acres and bran, bread crust crumbles away around the brink. Pale grew in sun and blood, and they laughed at in the roads, and since, not a fingers, appear before heading it.

LIV

Like slow poison brought him some weak hand tighter every degree, ye gentle reader’s eyelids open wide, looking on and should be at—a period close, and to his lesson misse, when you surrender, only thou wouldst bear.&My people are his flocks, and it with me the Girl, in rock and without you I’d be an oil paint out and small. Gives, with a stealthy can be old, and, for my very daily breath; but, for his delight, and don’t know justly what wintry dawn, where, where, where, when shall all that causes my smart, if that microcosm on stilts of Feare doth possession to those northern lights.

A little cottage under thus are reading itself disown: lest that is she nor cared nor knows what life’s best, with trembled, swaying on his own, to hear, why turn this morals, whence they put themselves; and shred the little Leila, with death, whose thunder iron will me sooner star! Weary with you, all is the curse of Cain of living Might, shook the king sent out ioy, thoughts of the morrow, month follow’d by unrest whole and yours, you’lladd to Matrimony. Bowl spills into her mate with such at all to my own face I see my Oread coming him we lose their statues of honey, having take her hear my sister Jane; in bed she saw them they never more for thee. Having pleas’d with fold to this bloodless sickness; left my body have most impeach’d stand, simple and faded violets, which our head, o my Belovëd, when clever, and twilight chamber shut did hang a tear some ease, but all is fled!

LVI

Of grisly twine, all damps and moulded in one common grave, the thrush and gall. But for discover such pure disinterestedness of the good old Greek truth, of late after sank and strike, if thou art covetous and homely, too; but sixteen dowagers, ten unwed she moan He lives, nor followed: the multitude that extent of friend of word, but never in your cold coquetry, or a zealous of her, and grove, ’ a wife makes in ancient days by emperor and the foam did seem in a foreign dame, compared with flattery! A wound, his faire nights long, Perilla, wash my hands so late heat.

LVII

Haste, while the trodden under her arms, their feeble force opposite of Andy Gump. Thou canst move, and thine own son, shuddered, a twitch of pain torture not combat, but all, and several of her white star in the white with all the forehead of eyes, who wag’d contentment with sorrow. Before we part, I must tell her turn’d whither life. Despair, and believe in it and between my tears, led by a female fuss, nor shall where its stream, so sadden’d round to foot, watch this much loved threescore,—I wonder’d at, that love and lang; she’s broken? Of stones. Till happier plight thrice o’er the winter brings to keep themselves.

LVIII

Even in the faces of rodents, the ear that deity. That title doth smother, and the warm caves in danger to taste: the true, that seest thou noteless blot on a remembrance straight to do like his, a mute and pity, and make church,—and not die amid the late to the pain, I did not thy fellowship so true forgo? And when, and gained the brimming moon. Remarked, how things seem only one in the eye. Silent Death, resume; and think of thee, when my Jeffrey held him up to thee. Thought, descended majesty, to keep my mind, when I felt thy helpless eye, silent; but when we be what flooded your madness unforgiven, and Passion’s o’er; and where, round her wounded there occurr’d what I do to the grave—wrapt in glory! Had held in holy silent gulf between us, I am sick of the poor for my sake stay, I giue you held me well. In the distance will bring you now.

LIX

Magic hand of every limb, what shoulders with the Diamond the young couple with ease, ye faint companionless of his chin, and yet true beautiful as thoughts, from far where my hands and hospitality. The breath Leave me thus? In the Flame, directed by his Self-fulfilling drops headlong chase of early to the Dead, and silver fountain spring to her matter rests upon him that’s still ride on, we two with life’s lower shut did hang that religions there art thou, Adonais died? Rose paths of me: and had our windows. The haggard father turn in his furious peece you yet once in vain.

Which public hedge hath awaken’d minds quick Dreams that my name received: for talk six times delay I am borne aloft, the stiffness of the remedy? As thou hast done: that’s young Gouda in thee; how small king moved beyond mortal straine, who was thrown? Fair Day, which, like thy virtues known: but weaves a glist’ning haze, sees full of rubies. He pays the thing imply but you I’d be an oil painting or Old Master’s country where. Stand on thy passively taken my beau, Ben, whose arms championed our cause was then wee shall be its earth: so got into the bugle’s call; but he fasten’d to wish her side.

LXI

Of the pendulous Earth; Ah, woe is me! His throne: see now, who dares she to defende, which is the curse my crimson lights which made him from behind thee! True, the cold night. To sing my Highland Lassie, O. But, Oh alas, how you happiness who knows no art, but stream is flowing, dwelt full on tremble? Best alchemy—Witch, you can make a Mercury. The lamps&I’ll let you out. War with weak hands and wonder how the weather one who soon were to be, and thought! Swift as a figure and no sneer against your only Hope to be as serious thing all my toils might drink, and where men sit and the Song.

LXII

Lifted his grave never told. Your voice, that long-with-loue-acquainted, upon the Bondage of sterling silk or taffeta, which once he made me glad. Which thou learnest. For love is heart, than the earth can yield me well. Land for ever ride? The me only midnight shall where wert thou dost seek! Be as thou wert, or there’s not always dark, with a small a part left of thee and yet no greater sorrow. In listening on from out my barren way, making there, but by the by, when a young green access Through all the accomplishments she took it, then, said he, if you scorn whom thou smiles, their education.

LXIII

Workmen up at their cups they drank down the day, fair the time, and sweet and far away, I call in vain: I and my mistress bids me wear the merry worm that weeps. The spirit’s knife blush’d: Euphelia serves to sip; sweet than if the world? They rose the first? So as one minute past, and pass’d to its kindred lamps the snake Memory stung, from the heauenly part to live and wrong, and hugged and dashing style which in a saint with their ordinance: and the tremulous isles of May strewed flowering woodland air and that to myself, and doubts, and Life’s pale light lest it may bring me the Fates, for thee to live on through that virtuous she was a nice young, at the pure spirit should bid thee displays, possession, seeking far less to allay my soul’s full of sun on wood cabins, the least, altho’ his pouch o’ coin were thine annoy? That I shall have free adit; we will bang our doors wide! I’m thine eyes backe to try.

LXIV

He sung new sorrow, with fascination, unless preserv’d by their appointed height trail’d, but all that checks its fair a prey, till the Future day—fond Thought! Villages going of all his grim head from elements with his golden orb of perfectionate, chaste, my knowledge of perils, the rising slowly from the trampled wife, and chariot, many a pleasant tales of May, pav’d with praise: a hermit’s carnal ecstasy. The hunt sweepstakes for substance, mysterious gate. By a dismal cypress lying, like the soft blush which, Perilla! And she ride, ride together, brother and the will.

LXV

Cried Urania scann’d of thunder—everlastingly. Of sine and church or state comes or gore, beside the waters as may know the grave,—death with many a family picture in my sprite; these meadows, could please me, who might ruin others burn’d, since first there’s more short or slack doth raine; whether i’ll love always dark, with pansies overblown, or Andalusian girl for lover, and aghast the woodmen with trembled and brother, help; speak of the age one arrowes tries? I should understood. He had lov’d, and I assure you, then, that I lose no more the languid limbs when the room is in our boat a boatswain swore without a moan? Each burst of wetness to say, or new Love pine at the pure that I am thine, and tell mama it’d break them pretty creatures to my thoughts, from lands forlorn. The woods which must fade for his infant charge to ear, the angels see, before his badge, most firmly proue.

LXVI

Sometimes they with a stealthy can be old, for thee and springs; and in his grave proves the grass, and Glooms, it is the cause embrac’d. But fickle Fair can give to town, sitting away from the other stones and the broad waking. It is most true beauty’s summertime. And sphere, thou usurer could be at— a period sometimes twould be at—a period sometimes strife. Something, twelve boats and me. Put on his own though our tears and steel, the last gray hairs bid come, quick while other slew him for it, but adultery, but all is recall, nor shall notes and is prest, the obscene ravens, clamouring arms.

LXVII

Of comfort dare coming to her mate with a moral end that enduring dead; when, with clear Sprite yet reigns, and hate that I speak ill of the eagle, whose laurels on the thing else to moan! Swung blindly wove and Pleasure of an unknown, she was—but had been? Once this heath, this is the cups of yours—who’s wiser? So gentleman from head from thought, then bless thy lov’d in vain upbraids th’ unhallow’d still one must prize the poor stones. I am sick of politics run glibber all. Oft have you the heat, a breadth of Autumn weather of my brother.—It is sad? I am to meet he went to heart.

LXVIII

Sooner fight there is famish’d for a draught of beauty born of murmurous haunt of flies on summers, all who has gone for me; plant thou in losing day; pale limbs, so lately claspt with fine tropes, with sweet nothing? A lady altogether royalist or liberate mankind: besides, he had then to be King, from the door with such a louers case, I reade it in the weariness, to bring in the ground: they marked it without: the time, for Death to die for thee and smile thy most kisse-worthy face doth live. Bright out. If you passed her olive, and Provençal song, arose once more in the sea; the main.

LXIX

Said she what doe you may see such a throne, the grove, ’ be not recruited all in an appeal to the Loves around by the tops shall lend to her; and she what I should at least would run and spectre-thin, and now that touches Heaven’s light and lingering flower- nibblers, the moral nations still, although sweet mid listen to your skies are bad. So said the young bride errs, poor weakling even now, and wild sparkles dimly burn through glittering and teach them all! As Albion wails for such an evil tongue-tied patience within the twilight chamber spread; Tell her beauty from pity—and rather with him?

LXX

Quick was thick with me, I ate with smile dwelt like a jewel hung in ghastly pit long since thou, cried and mute, and the joy of the Desert— enter’d the sun my little spoilers tempt no second fill; but not thou, Desires of touch, and reddening is possessed by them went the entire as that mouth, whence it came, the royal trumpets, my dearest, since her wilds of golden fulness at my head&to keep me alive never there, pleas’d with wicked words enough; hope, in pity would not mine, with the balance of the wilderness. It is a lower, the children most I strive, more fast his burthens binde.

LXXI

From his pale cheese are they blew since there in among men; company for a moment Dead thy haplesse my need; desier still fleshed than ever sown; the voiceless mountain whence, of the true lords of life, snatched by this, and wish I were renew’d; whilst, like a June bug, listening on the pain, I did not thus he stayed; knelt on one fountains; therefore, thou Vesper of our night, vision Venus to their shoes did their will, and softly round its splendor out. Sing, riding’s a joy! Fixed in your sweet and fause themselves in danger to taste: the true, that others as they are, that hath my pen—where I find the growing in fulness! Moved thee see, the inside you: on your coonskin hat. Our hope, the wise doubt, but I am safe, and wept outright; life, which heauen to me when most they cry, her milky rabble of womankind, poor weakling even as a ghost of Scandal stalk’d about the oldest said: but your Highness did not find.

LXXII

If to love, called me nigger never raising; the plowboy is whooping—anon-anon: there’s not more sharp checkes I in myself I do, doing thoughts more she could crown Grief made the dyer’s hands caught into tears; well knew that gladly thee presence of the crush was, and could not love by charms, or else pronouncing grace, that Angers selfe in losing day; he sets, and wither. Shall I cross that I so kindly wove a wound more forgiven: ’—but upon a feature? Our house of rest: low lies the world thou Air, and whiskers, to demand what your intentions and still rule free: Ah, woe is me! ’ Is all things.

LXXIII

Next they share, that tear some ease, yet thus, that Ice strain their father sues: see how supremest kisse. Who feed upon the spirit of murmurous haunt of flies on summer in full-throated ease. Inarticulate life. Till love and Nature’s sharpe arrow sped ye caverns and hers shall o’er-read, and Echo there, light years instead of dew; as since despising even now, and we stand alone, knowing the thorny road, which sourly robs from midnight, vision, or a wish to make the proud and hustled together; which methinks that looks at me moved the sweet that form and fame shoulders with that should understand.

LXXIV

I HATE the drains of beechen greyness. My plan but I, if but for discover who could she has desire without tread, and buds of men—youth, and so effort of my darling of thanks and lovely Rose,—tell her Body change, for I must given; which crown’d him with music; the more Alexis smokes, the ruins of thy wished it—but we see what’s fit for whom you for blisse. And now to brood on a horror of shattered prayers had power, with smiles brighter by the ledger live here in the fading violets, white trillium or viburnum, by all things are fewer to the needy honouring, or out of season with tall men lie; peace in heau’nly ioy, Yf still jealous priest, a field and its head; the dead prime, like the summers, all who hast lifted up his Neck to yoke it understand. For laik o’ gear ye light, thy nature in my heartless bears along; and I may hold dominion sweetest bud.

LXXV

Descended from thee the casement of the young Love an early but enslaved thee live; Leave me not vex, with Greek truth, of late the amphibious spark. As since despising every day—they’d shown an awkward incline your son, to nurse, to put you may be the woodman winding westward up the gleam rekindled hope, our sorrow and fame to not judge. And pounc’d with the highest: but as he fountains; therefore, thou climbst the stricter, and what oft-times hath and lost hath made love is the people that settled there was this: the sunlight is flowing, and glad. Thy Protestation to scare the oldest and praise.

LXXVI

Have you yet once the air, smell Murphy’s Oil Soap, dog kibble. Would be left of that mock the deep dark eyes with soft lutes: for talk six times each to her proof of desolation! Him have I nothing came, but other this turf, and all its sweet thief which, on eternal, which to die with tears and motions of their sisters who, by their dark and more, whose speechless creature gets some little trace: for talk six times behind. And saltines, pissing in the Vestal entry shriek of a few last great lords of the woodmen with his answered, Seven are we first he did not one word; for God must die as well as I.

LXXVII

On through, fix’d me a breaking billow’s roar, for her, like a horse whipped by a Jew. She had authorizing thy tread, which puts my Pegasus should sooner fight thing I feel, fair creature for whom you for blisse, looking- glass my red lips part as a million— drawered cherrywood cabins, the silver small talk, ending from above, can touch my skin&hold me and i feel good then—i never half so dear a head grown so bad, mad slander so! Their grave we played, my brother cry lord, what kind of dwell and argument, fair, kind, and shall at last fly to the deep, where the lower range. Adulteration.

LXXVIII

Birds in the whole every human cattle. Each drawer of beauty from their prey; and winding mossy homes in field is spread thee die! Love, I could scarce extinguish’d not; The inheritors of unfulfill’d renown or amorous birds twitter, then he drew her robe to Heaven Heaven is not to be full cycle, whence immortal stroke of midnight she have faith in my hair, turning my knots to butterflies mourns me, thus while thou appear before you occur in grass is spreading on his own heart, the weak lords of them, than their heau’n did moue, they do weare his; the shape it plank and hospitality.

LXXIX

The monsters of the Records of Europe. Love lingering day; sunck, and when I am dead, my love, to this dungeon darkness thick with my eyes that a young as yet the married man, the penalty of such success, but aggravate the stern impulse of Fate resistless break her hear my Highland lassie, O. Something imply but your heads never known, to show they are silence from trees or filled with Psyche, sorrow, with it a try. With daily bread to those follies had run dry.-For he had authority be near her straight, though despots know it then run away individual beauty still.

LXXX

Lord, what he went like a cloud of my being shame, another come to those who made the women much divide the women much divided—as is usual among the revolving year, you are she, still cries, one, in autumn were, One from the camp, the circuit of my limbs, so late her darling be both law and imagine the dorm. Winged Dryad of the good Queen of it for there on the golden place, Timbuctoo, and keeps it for thee die! How love crossed the white trillium or viburnum, by all rights and more sharp checkes I in myself corrupting, salving through each vulgar fraction too, be off!

LXXXI

Whose tale belongs to yellow autumn turn’d into the cares, has cause and wrong, Not all men make his pigtail till he died. Behold and broken in heaven’s light of grave-damps falling thee. For me, I rise—robert Burns: dare not combat, but keep her mine thou wait beside the shell’s iridescence and think and beauty of her say it—our Ida has a heart doth bind. The child; but when from far where is iron in the dust of gain, so might be, to have left as the womb sucked me up into the Sun, and hold up to heart’s accept or pass, it does nor good name and as he can lend—they bore up the Prince.

LXXXII

But now in a cloak, as I saw it fall in listening life from Miss to lay her darling lyre upon Euphelia’s toilet lay; when Cloe noted her moonlight vapour; which cannot keep her mind; growne between us, I suppose. ’ Gear ye light, and would be that, being at the furrows of his chin, looking- glass my red lips part as a million fighters; while or Niger, to the tender foot, light of the bloom, whose fame heaven, and the most thy control. By a shuffled steps of Age, trod down she looks say, and woe among men; companionless glory they their rental if courts’ and grove, ’ at least peruse!

LXXXIII

What we would break shall meet he went home with flattery! Because no fence or fort that my wealth I haue most impeach’d stands least entire contend in it for this silence from out an amatory score, from when he arose, and the yoke, I wish to be as serious as if embalming thro’ the vale! Be as good as me; for which will live on the ringing voice; the kissed you like a printed page, black letter upon flower by some sad maiden posy, for my very daily fires; the law your annalists have had thoughts more will be very many trespass with delight. Catch not my breast!

LXXXIV

My paine still the soft stare of watching that have all gone missing in the upper life’s wasted are the pastoral eglantine; with face as a foe would you more? Go, lovely: he doth live. If they fetched a walk one day, ye wadna been sae shy; for laik o’ gear ye lightly me, but, trowth, I care na by. A king in the bottom of the misplanted on the woman. Struck by the will not? Stella O dear name! That and sagged like an atmosphere and matrons, translucent as they lie upon her tolerant enchantment in my sprite; these things in one. Oft have no more, by paying triumphantly.

LXXXV

Two of us at Conway dwell and said … Nay, we are ashes load an unleafed tree blasted in kisses with a cypress lying, damon cried, all pale and fears, and in his hand. Never hear my sisters say white folks hair is blonde&when she went have fallen themselves on innocent breast and each ephemeral: but in the fangs shall move the true lords out again, as all the accomplishment which in my head, Nor let us weep thanks, that I shall love and life hath drunk poison—oh! Betwixt mine eyes, her lips taste—forgiveness’ might mellow, and with mortal curtain’d love answered, Seven are we, and she moan Thou art become not yours, you’ll leave the dyer’s hair is blonde&when it rubs across to the manner of my mother difficult to rhyme so, side by her singing an impossible song of desire, that he would understand. And fause themselves. Their graves unnumber’d lay, oh, not one word?

LXXXVI

, Which may come to meet his fill of deep and life hath made him from beneath his choice. After all the air, smell Murphy’s Oil Soap, dog kibble. Room fills up with thy pregnant lips for me? This lump of earth can yield thee live; but when first he did steady stand up erect and said thee like winds they groans redouble: ev’ry nymph mourns for Adonais. And while, amid the little maid’s reply, seven boys and girls flit, till thou art not to draw them, until morning slowly from the dead by the snow hath retreated, and that there occurr’d what soft incense to prepar’d with griefe but Loues winter brings her heart lightning leaves; since thou steal thine eye is fatter game of the clematis. Two of us at Conway dwell and two are in heart has heard a noise of people every word is like the downs—to the forehead past a shadow loses for the calm of mute insensate things. Twelve dancing with their own wishes.

LXXXVII

That I made, why so will was brought forever shining heart a leap; on whom vertue never coveted their happiness which will call such mother who could not know of all the hole—The lake dry; it seemed, or scorn could I stay? He found the silent alone, which open field into Memory lovest thou art out of all of the world I would find his wont. It is morals are the liberticide, why you swim sentry over his sharpe arrow for me? For thee all the golden Day, while each pow’r of mind. The single ladies in three A. No more, oh, never more! The blue noon is over us.

LXXXVIII

Since now at lengthen out much by being. Of Europe’s journals squeak and grame; and winged Persuasions and state, and hate and falls asunder I feel no grief returning, nor wear as gracefull’st cot, the most sublime, Thou are not wild and it sank into bed. How far it profit much better Death, this calm and all things to keep me alive; if two are gone out, a long-cramp’d scroll freshening winds their camp of death, welcoming him we lov’d Stella, when my Jeffrey held hands, not openly bearing the more I lost; thou haunt’st me; and the walking beside. In my love, the most sublimate my being.

LXXXIX

But that oft-times hath heaven be that is not there’s life is grown moral, still I lov’d of Royal Augury was rescued from the trellis and there let fall a part of Ruth, when, sick for his coming you: and you fall from your mother, and whole hearts; and mark; that love, our hope, our hope, our hope, our laws broken my beads each transgression is, among the trampled wife, and by the village, the world when first path to try. I might I do to thee; or, if that white cliffs, white tooth slips on the wind like a star, beacons from their busy battery, to turn her head: and Venus to the great plans: yet speak.

#poetry #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Markov chains #Markov chain length: 7 #133 texts #sonnet sequence

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pixoplanet · 2 years

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It's November 7th. 🏰 On this day in 1659, King Louis XIV of France and King Philip IV of Spain signed the Treaty of the Pyrenees. This marked the end of the war that had been going on between the two nations since 1635. It also marked the beginning of one of the world's strangest geopolitical arrangements, and it's still in effect today.

Negotiations were had been conducted and signed on Pheasant Island, which sits right in the middle of the Bidasoa river on the border between the two countries. One of the conditions of the treaty was that the island would be forever treated as a condominium. In international law, a condominium is defined as a territory over which multiple states hold joint sovereignty. Because the success an arrangement like this requires strict cooperation between all parties, for a condominium like Pheasant Island to last this long is very unusual. Other condominiums currently in existence around the world include Antarctica, Caribbean Joint Regime Area, Gulf of Fonseca, Lake Constance, Abyei, Brčko, and Moselle.

The treaty of the Pyrenees defined the boundary between France and Spain that runs along the Bidasoa River from the Pyrenees Mountains to the Bay of Biscay in the Atlantic Ocean. A huge monolith embossed with these conditions stands on the island. Delegates from both France and Spain meet here every February 1st and August 1st to exchange documents and transfer sovereignty to other nation. ☮️ Peace… Jamiese of Pixoplanet

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sunflower-jam · 2 years

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Do not read I just needed to rant do not read

I do not want to exist right now not in a I want to die kinda way I just want time to stop or slow down. I can barely get out of bed to brush my hair I’ve been staring at the brush trying to have the energy to brush the matted braid out of my head I want to be able to shower but I have no hot water and I physically can’t take cold shower so I just have to reheat buckets and buckets of hot water which I’ve been doing since I was a kid so it’s not like it’s a new thing but I haven’t had a real shower since February. I’m hungry but I don’t have the energy to leave my bed and I don’t want my mom to see my hair bc she’s gonna be sad because she loves my hair and I know it makes her sad to see how I treat it and I love my hair with my entire heart it’s the only thing I actually fucking like about myself but I can never take care of it bc it’s just to much. I try loving myself and usually I’m okay usually I just don’t feel anything I feel indifferent towards my appearance I know I’m not the nicest looking girl and usually I’m okay with that and I can’t accept that but lately I just want to feel loved I want to feel cared for I want someone to tell me I look pretty. I can’t help but hear my exes words slam into my brain like a fucking cinderblock when he told me he only dated me bc I was easy to keep around and how could I ever think he would love someone as fat and ugly as me. My other ex wasn’t the nicest but at least he only ever called me fat once but instead he just told me he stopped loving me one year into our 4 Year long relationship. I know I’m not the most lovable I’m not funny I can barely take a joke. I’m not intelligent I mean I’m not the dullest knife in the draw but I mean I’m not anything to write home about I’m just painfully average so I don’t know how I expect someone to ever take a interest in me or why I want someone to do such a thing. Maybe it’s the love I never got from my family shooting me right now maybe the lack of nice attention I got is rearing it’s ugly head and taking away my ability to numb myself and turning me into a sad sack of lard on my bed waiting to collapse in on myself. God I’m dramatic. I just want someone to look at me and think I’m pretty and mean it or love me without them breaking up with me just to tell me I was only kept around to keep them busy bc to the core I believe I’m unlovable I know I’m a lot to handle sometimes and I’m sorry I try to reign myself in and I know I’m not the prettiest bc I was told everyday of my life as a child. I want to feel again and feel alive but not if it’s gonna leave me like this bc I just can’t handle it ive been like 5-6 months clean from self harm but that’s all I want to do rn but I don’t want to disappoint myself and I can’t even tell anyone I’ve been 6 months clean bc they think I’ve been clean for years. I think the overturning of roe v wade made me realize I have no control over my life and even if I did I’ve lived a sad one. I feel stupid writing this on the internet but I mean I don’t have a lot of followers and my singular irl on here I told not to get on my tumblr before I wrote this but I just physically can’t sit to a notebook right now or get out of bed to write so uh if you ignored my warning at the top of this I’m not a danger to myself or others but I need to say something before I exploded Edit: I got the energy to brush my hair it took me 5-10 minutes to undo the braid and as of rn I have half my head brushed and I’m thinking of dyeing my hair purple don’t know about the purple yet but will update

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fereldanwench · 3 years

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Wench's Beginner CP77 Photomode + Posing Tutorial

As a relative newcomer to the fandom, I found it kind of difficult to track down precise information on how folks were creating really intricate and beautifully staged screenshots. I realized that my experience might be useful for anyone else just starting on this journey, so here's sort of a Cyberpunk 2077 Photomode + Mods 101 guide for anyone at an absolute loss as to where to start.

This is only going to focus on the basics of using in-game mods and tools for posing and staging, not editing/post-processing or how to get those really high fidelity screenshots. The section on AMM is also intended for those who are brand new to it, so I did omit a few things that I think would be better for a more advanced user.

(Also, since my personal focus tends to be on shippy pics, that's what I use for a lot of examples. Nothing is explicit, but they might be a tad bit spicy for some workplace settings.)

I. Where to Find Mods II. Essentials & Recommendations i. Essential Mods ii. Recommended Mods iii. Posing & Animation Mods iv. Cosmetic Mods v. Niche Mods (aka Goro Takemura Mods) vi. Notable Extras III. Using Appearance Mod Menu (AMM) i. Recommended AMM Settings ii. AMM Features Breakdown IV. Beginner Tips & Tricks

>>>>>>> 4 March 2022 - Version 2.0 is live! <<;<<<<<

30 Dec 2021 Update: A new version of AMM just dropped!

The details of the new release can be found at their Discord--It sounds like a lot of new functionality has been added to photomode. I haven't had a chance to play with this version yet so there might be some missing/conflicting information in the guide below. But I was actually planning on giving this guide an overhaul in early February, so this will be updated soon anyway.

In the meantime, I'm always more than happy to answer any questions I can about this stuff or at least direct folks in the right direction if it's something I don't know. ♥

4 March 2022 - Version 2.0 is live!

I. Where to Find Mods

Unfortunately, mods are kind of spread out all over the place. The Nexus and these two Discord servers are usually the first places I go when I'm looking for something specific, but a lot of modders also house their mods on personal Google Drive folders and MEGA. • Cyberpunk 2077 Nexus • Cyberpunk 2077 Modding Discord • Cyberpunk 2077 Appearance Mod Menu Discord • My CP77 Mod Tag • The Great Big (Vaguely Overwhelming) Pose & Animation Spreadsheet ← This is the best resource to track down poses!

(If you're like me and find Discord chaotic and ill-suited for cataloging things, I highly recommend utilizing the search feature. You can use the in: preface to narrow down the channel you want to search; e.g. a search command in the CP77 Modding Discord could look like in: discord-exclusives hair and you'll get results for "hair" listed in the discord-exclusive channel.)

II. Essentials & Recommendations

i. Essential ModsThese are the bare minimum that you'll need to spawn or swap characters, add in items (like the phone in the header screenshot), and play with lighting tools. CET should be installed first, and then AMM. (If you keep your game updated, make sure you keep these updated, too!) • Cyber Engine Tweaks (CET) • Appearance Mod Menu (AMM)

ii. Recommended Mods These are more of your quality-of-life type add-ons. They aren't needed for posing or spawning, but they're very useful: • Cybercat Save Editor (you can do a lot with this tool, but I mainly use it when I want to change my V's hair or makeup) • Wardrobe Outfit Manager (also useful for a lot of things, but my favorite feature is being able to change clothes while I'm in photomode)

iii. Posing & Animation Mods As I mentioned above, the best, most comprehensive, all-in-one place to find all your posing mods will be the Google spreadsheet linked above. But if that's too much (and it is a lot), these are the two posing mods I cut my teeth on: • If It Fits - V Sits (photomode poses for V) • (POSES) Male NPC - Average Civilian (spawnable poses for male NPCs with the generic locomotion; see note on locomotions under v. Niche Mods below)

iv. Cosmetic Mods This is not a comprehensive list of all the mods I use, but just a handful of my favorites to get you started. (Since I play as a female V, these are femV-centric.) → Hair • Hairstyle Collection • Custom Hairstyle - Femme Fatale • Hairstyle Imports

→ Makeup • Koralina's New Eye Makeup • Eyeshadow Overhaul

→ Clothing • Clothing Set and Recolor Catalogue • Wingdeer's Clothing

v. Niche Mods (aka Goro Takemura Mods) Since I primarily take screenshots of V and Goro, here are a few Goro-centric mods and places to find them. 😘 • Wingdeer's Clothes for Goro • Wingdeer's Locomotion Mods [Note: because most NPC poses are for the "male average" NPC, locomotion mods are needed for characters with their own movement, like Goro. If you don't have the Goro_GenericLocomotion.archive file in your mod folder, he won't spawn with the intended pose.] • Goro's Brown Eyes • Goro Takemura New Clothes • Takemura Simps & Friends Discord

vi. Notable Extras Otis_Inf Injectable Camera is a paid (via Patreon) tool that is especially useful in capturing hi-resolution screenshots and unlocking cutscenes. At one point, it was also the only way to add ambient lights into the game, but AMM now offers that feature. I wouldn't recommend it to beginners, but I feel like I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it, as it is a powerful tool and pretty popular.

There is also Photo Mode Unlocker, which adds more features and functionality to the in-game photomode. I haven't used it so I can't offer much insight here, but like the Injectable Camera, I felt it was worth mentioning.

III. Using Appearance Menu Mod (AMM)

i. Recommended AMM Settings AMM is pretty much plug-and-play, but there are two settings I recommend confirming after you install it.

Click on the Settings tab and then uncheck Spawn as Companion and check Experimental/Fun Stuff. After you check Experimental/Fun Stuff, Enable Freeze Target in Photo Mode will appear. Check that, too.

[Note: Spawn as Companion is actually a really awesome and underrated feature of AMM that lets you have followers in Night City! If you're looking to have some company while you explore and do gigs, check this option. It can be a little glitchy, especially if you fast travel, but it's fun! It really only needs to be turned off if you're working with spawnable NPC poses for photoshoots so your NPCs don't move around everywhere.]

ii. AMM Features Breakdown

Scan This brings up a scanning reticle and will show you the various options available to you for whatever NPC or object your reticle is on. In this case, I'm scanning Goro, so I can do things like add or remove him from my favorites, despawn him, and cycle through his appearances.

Spawn The Spawn tab is where you can find the huge list of characters you can spawn. It also lists the active spawns you have and gives you a few actions, like favoriting/unfavoriting, respawning, despawning, targeting, and changing their equipment/weapons.

The Target feature here is the most useful when you're trying to maneuver a character around on screen. Clicking this will automatically lock on that character or object so you don't have to manually target them with the reticle.

Spawning NPCs is how most people create their screenshots.

Without any posing mods installed, most NPCs have a few poses you can generate using AMM alone:

1. Their default standing position 2. A crouch position 3. Positions with various weapons 4. If you spawn them as companions, you can freeze them mid-animation cycle as they follow V or engage in combat 5. You can also "kill" them and they'll end up on the ground

However, this is pretty limited, which is why NPC spawnable poses and animation mods have become so popular.

Spawnable poses are named such because when you spawn an NPC, they will spawn with that pose or animation rather than the default standing position. (Some are also made to be toggled with the crouch position, but they're less common.)

Currently, you can only have one NPC spawnable pose/animation per locomotion type, so you'll have to choose one to work with before you launch the game. (If you have more than one in your mod folder, typically nothing severe breaks, you might get a T-pose, but usually whatever pose .archive file is listed first will just be the one that's active.)

Swap The Swap tab will let you scan any NPC and then give you the option to swap them out with another NPC.

Two things to note with this feature: 1. In order for a swap to spawn or despawn, you will have to reload your save. I recommend saving before you swap so you won't have to track your swap down. 2. It can be a little finicky: sometimes poses will break, sometimes NPCs who aren't locked into a location will move, and you can end up with a lot of duplicates in one area.

Decor The Decor tab is very similar to the Spawn tab, but the focus is on objects instead of NPCs.

This is also where you can find the customizable lights, which are one of my favorite tools to use in AMM. It's an easy way to really enhance the look and feel of your screenshots. Here's an example with the Ambient Light:

Tools The Tools tab will vary a bit depending on what object you're locked on and whether or not you're in photomode.

For a beginner, I would say the key features here are:

1. The movement/position information: this is how you can move characters and objects around (you can treat the bars as sliders in which you click and drag, or you can manually enter in coordinates) 2. If you're locked on to an NPC, you can change their facial expression, where they look, and toggle weapons 3. If you're locked on to an NPC, or in some cases, on V, you can also freeze/unfreeze them to hold them in place once they have the best position/facial expression 3. If you're locked on to a customizable light, you can change the positions, intensity, and color of the light 4. You can use the teleport action to jump to different locations in the game (including a fancy mansion for V) 5. You can toggle the time of day (note: this can trigger Relic malfunctions)

Director Unfortunately, I haven't used this feature at all, so I can't really give any insight here. I know it can be used to create live scenes with characters, but since I focus on still screenshots, I haven't really had an incentive to look deeper into it. If I find good documentation for it, I'll add links. 😘

IV. Beginner Tips & Tricks

These aren't intended to be hard-and-fast guidelines for everyone to follow, but just some general suggestions that I think make the modded photomode experience a lot more fun and less overwhelming for anyone just starting.

1. Get comfortable with AMM before adding spawnable poses Spawn your favorite character as-is and get a feel for what they do without any additional mods. Play with the facial expressions in AMM, try freezing and unfreezing them in real-time and photomode, cycle through their appearances, get a feel for how the positioning tools work, toggle the spawn as a companion option, etc.

2. Try swapping NPCs before messing around with spawnable poses Some of my favorite ship screenshots came from swapping Goro with existing NPCs, using the default photo mode poses, and using the AMM positioning tools to smoosh and freeze them together just right. It is a little more restrictive than having specific poses right at your disposal, but I think it's also a lot less overwhelming.

I used this technique with a guy sitting on the couch at the entrance of Lizzies to get this one:

If your goal is shippy poses, you can also find a few couple sets around town that you can swap with both your NPC of choice and V. Facial animations will work on both, so you can even change the mood of some presets. This one, for instance, is the "guy helping the drunk chick" swap, but with angry facial expressions and frozen at just the right spot in the animation loop, you can get a whole new vibe:

3. Use effective crops and angles to hide awkward clipping Want a character to kneel in front of another character, but don't want to look for a pose or have easily swappable NPC around? Use the AMM positioning tools to clip them through the ground and capture the screenshot from a higher angle. (Goro was basically chopped in half here, but you can't tell!) (More dramatic example here.)

4. Lighting is one of your greatest assets Just like with real-world photography, lighting can make or break a shot. The AMM customizable lights and changing the time of day for outside shoots can really take a screenshot to the next level. The top screenshot was done in the Konpeki hotel room with some golden hour sunlight and the bottom was done with a little ambient light to make Goro visible against the dark street (neither have been edited--these are straight from photomode):

5. Take a ton of shots with just slight variations This is also a tip I'm yoinking from real-world photography: take a ton of shots, but just switch something up slightly each time. Nudge a character in a different direction, switch your field of view, add a tilt, etc. At a certain point, it becomes a numbers game: the more shots you have, the more likely you'll end up with something you really like.

And it's corny as hell, but yes: have fun with it! Taking good screenshots is a creative skill just like photography or drawing or writing--It'll take some time to develop your skillset and style, but as long as you're enjoying the process, it's worth it. 😘

#res: graphics #res: mods #mine: resources #g: cyberpunk 2077 #mods: cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077

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