#jae tries to be a fucking adult

[minkkumaz]

START YOUR ENGINES

after getting over a bad breakup, you thought going to a racing experience would be different. it was bound to get your mind off of things, right? however two boys in particular couldn't keep their eyes off of you; causing a chain of events that were sure to light fire in your stomach.

RACE TO YOUR HEART series

PAIRING kim woonhak x fem! reader x myung jaehyun WC 4.5k TAGS adults dni. racecar driver au. no poly relationship. mentions of toxic relationship. friendly arguing. mention of fire. jae is a fucking flirt. they both kinda are idk. kys jokes. TAGLIST @skullverse OMI NOTE to begin with, i may or may not be utterly obsessed with this series. i tried to make it as accurate as possible since i know close to nothing about cars in general, let alone racecars (can you tell i can't drive yet.) but i did my best.

adrenaline ran through every vein, every trigger in their bodies. fingers tightly wrapped around the steering wheel as they waited for that sweet start. and when the green flag initiated release, impatient feet slammed on the gas.

engines revving couldn’t mask the sound of each racers ego shooting out of their exhaust pipes. flashes of shiny colors sped by down the hot pavement, a crowd of people screaming the names of their respective favorites. pretty girls in uniform leaned over the the railing, checkered flags in their hands.

but that wasn’t the reason woonhak and jaehyun glanced back and forth from the road in front of them and their rear view mirror. something caught their eye, something much more sincere than any flag girl.

despite the large crowd, you stood out to them. and not because you were cheering louder than everyone, not because you were making a scene, but because you looked bored. that was far from the actual truth, but how could they let a cute girl leave unphased?

the expression on your face remained blank, completely opposite of your excited friend next to you. breakups were hard, and you were unsure if going to a racecar driving event would mend your broken heart. but you listened to her pleas to get you out of the house, knowing she only meant well.

everything was so distracting, but maybe that was a good thing after all. the last thing you wanted was to turn back to the boy you used to love the most, knowing all too well that he destroyed you. it had been months, so putting on a front was easiest part.

the race continued like normal, every man for themselves fighting to be the one that crosses the squared black and white line. both of the boys sped up impressively, shooting down the road to pass on their competitors, yet still neck and neck with one another. titanium skid blocks underneath the cars produced fiery sparks that trailed down the concrete.

tension emit from every corner of the stadium, fans on the edge of their seat. popcorn kernels were discarded on the floor and beer cans were crushed under seats, that being the integrity of events like these. people around you practically squatting, awaiting the cue to erupt into screams.

energy was at an all time high on the track, lap after lap inching closer to victory. racecars zero - six and zero - three were almost going at the same fast pace, leaving any other participant back in the dust. the final lap came around, the names woonhak and jaehyun ringing through the loud speakers.

it was about to happen, the audience holding back even a single blink to perfectly grasp who would touch the finish line first. seconds felt like they were increasingly slowing down, yet before you could count down any longer, a car drove by and the checkered flag was waved down. silence 

“put your hands together for your new first place medal holder, kim woonhak!” 

cheers erupted from the stands, your friend jumping up and down with joy and taking you with her. the boy who’s supposedly named woonhak took his helmet off and waved to the audience, putting hand hearts to the side of his face in a cutesy manner. another boy followed closely behind him and gave him a pat on the back.

people filed out almost immediately, in hopes to catch a glimpse at some of the racers. autographs were being signed in a safe spot away from the track. grabbing your hand, your friend took you down the stairs in an attempt to meet her idol, and the newest winner, woonhak.

you followed along with a sigh, letting her get excited so she wouldn’t worry for you any more. when you got towards the bottom, the catch fence towered above you with great height which caught you by surprise. the line got extremely long, giving you a sense of false hope for a supposed autograph.

“hey, i’m going to go to the bathroom okay? when you’re done i’ll be at the car if that’s okay.” you tell the jittery girl.

“awh alright, y/nnie. i’m sorry if you didn’t have any fun. hopefully this will be quick!” she smiled, waving you off as you left towards the bathroom.

in complete honesty, you didn’t have to use the bathroom at all. you just needed an excuse to get away from the chaos. there was a small closed off area that was open for anyone to stay by, yet it was completely empty. leaning against the wall, you let yourself slide down and plop on the floor.

considering the circumstance, it would take forever for her to get an autograph and a picture, so you busied yourself on your phone for a little while.

however, you failed to realize the cheerful second place winner from the track spotted you trotting away from the crowd, making him grow curiouser and curiouser. he snuck around a few large walls before he wasn’t too far from you, the sound of his helmet clanking against his suit was drowned out by whatever you were occupying yourself with.

“hi, are you lost?” the voice said, poking his head around the corner to look down at you sitting on the floor.

“oh– i’m sorry! am i not supposed to be here?” you jolt at his sudden presence.

“no, you’re totally allowed to be here. i was just curious is all.” he smiled, “i’m myung jaehyun, i don’t know if you remember me from the race but i kind of got second place. no rhyme intended.”

“right, i’m y/n! it’s nice to meet you, where are my manners? i do recognize you.” you try to stand up and shake his hand, but he’s already sitting himself down in front of you.

“don’t worry about it, it’s nice to meet you too! did you enjoy the race?” jaehyun quirked an eyebrow, curious of your reaction. 

“yes! it was great, especially when you guys.. raced?” you respond, though it almost seemed like you were asking a question.

“you don’t have to lie, it’s chill. i kind of saw you in the stands and you looked distracted?” he wondered.

“was it really that obvious? gosh i hope i didn’t throw you off your game by seeming uninterested.” you frown, “a lot has been on my mind recently and my friend offered to take me out of the house. she’s a huge fan of racecar driving, and kim woonhak.. but i’m not sure which one she likes more to be honest.”

“you’re funny, woonhak has that effect on people. but i swear i’m his biggest fan. hopefully you can come to a race whenever your head clears up?” he laughs casually like he’s known you his entire life.

“maybe i will. it did seem pretty tense right before they announced the winner. i was kind of curious myself.”

“then hopefully next time i’ll win, maybe give you a show worth watching.” he grinned at you, making a tint wash over your cheeks.

“right! do you know when you’re holding your next one?” you ask.

“our next one.. i believe at the end of the month? woonhak and i will be driving still, as well as the third place winner, but the rest will be all new drivers from around the world!” he answers you.

“i’ll see, thats not too long from now–” your words were interrupted by a cheerfully excited voice.

“jaehyun! where are you?!” he searched around, finally landing his gaze on you before his face contorted into a scowl, “jae, what are you doing?”

“woonhak, this is y/n. and y/n, you already know him. i invited her to our next race at the end of the month.” jaehyun told him.

“so she can see you lose again?” woonhak teased playfully.

“hey! you got youngest luck, all of your fangirls were screaming your name from the rooftops. the myungz fandom is lacking!” jaehyun defended.

“it’s not luck if it’s twice in a row you lame - o. y/n, you saw me shooting down there, right?” woonhak looked over at you for answers.

“not exactly..? i wasn’t paying the most attention and i’m so sorry.” you mumble in embarrassment.

“it’s no problem, that just means you have to come to the next one!” jaehyun smirks, patting your knee lightly.

“like i said, i don’t know right now, but i’ll definitely consider it!” you brush off lightly, glancing over at your phone.

four new messages and two missed calls, all from your friend. getting caught in between these two boys made you completely forget. there wasn’t going to be an autographing line if the main racer wasn’t there, how could you not notice?

concern washes over your face, making them stop their bickering to look at you. sending her a quick text, you let her know you’ll be back at the car in second.

“i’m really sorry guys but i completely lost track of time. i have to get back to my friend.” woonhak holds out a hand for you to help yourself up, which you accept.

“that’s too bad, i wanted to get to know you a little better. you seem really cool.” jaehyun compliments you out of the blue.

“yeah, me too.” woonhak adds on, his hand still holding onto yours lightly.

“oh, wait! me and woon are going to free run the tracks tomorrow, you should totally stop by tomorrow and hang out!” jaehyun realizes, excitement washing over him like an energetic puppy.

“that’s a good idea, why didn’t i think of that? we won’t be out for very long, and we can show you our cars up close.” puppy number two says, giving jae a high five and a pat on the back.

“i mean, i’m not busy tomorrow?” you tell them, failing to think of a proper excuse.

“then that means..” they both say in unison.

“fuck it, what time do you want me to be here?”

twenty four hours ago, if you had told yourself you would be secretly coming back to a race track with no authorized permission to do so for two golden retriever boys, you wouldn’t believe yourself. whatever convinced you to go through with this must have brainwashed you until you didn’t even know your own name.

though you knew exactly what got through your head, because their pleading eyes never left your mind. your friend would be extremely confused if she found out you were sneaking around with her favorite racers after supposedly ‘not enjoying’ the event yesterday. 

but there you were, walking down by the wall closest to the track in search of familiar faces. it felt weird being in an empty place that’s usually lively and awfully loud. abandoned merchandise scattered along the floor where warm bodies used to stay. chills ran down your spine at this thought.

faint music played in the distance, alerting you that maybe they were closer than you thought they would be. you walked towards the noise to find out, seeing the two of them fixing up their cars. what they were doing exactly? you had no clue, cars were never really your thing, let alone race cars.

“um, hello!” you spoke up, catching their attention.

“y/n, hey!” jaehyun approached  you, catching you in a sudden hug.

“we’re happy that you could make it!” woonhak beamed brightly.

“of course, didn’t wanna go back on my word or anything.” you vowed.

“jae and i were just going to do a few laps, then we were thinking we could order lunch? we’ll give you the best spot to view, and we won’t take long!” woonhak hovered a hand on your shoulder, placing it down gently when you didn’t pull away.

“there’s a section that’s usually super empty, but we personally think it’s the greatest. everyone is missing out.” jaehyun shrugs, putting his arms through the sleeves of his uniform.

“oh, sure! thank you guys for showing me this, i’m very honored.” you nod politely.

“we’re not crazy celebrities yet, so don’t worry about being so formal with us.” woonhak reassured, holding his hand out, “let me take you over there right now!”

you blush slightly as woonhak leads you away, not processing the look of envy behind jaehyun’s eyes. the walk wasn’t very far, but the grip woonhak had on your hand was inescapable. he gave you fond glances every now and then that sent sparks to your heart. you tried your best to push this down.

they were right by giving this specific seating arrangement good rep, as it had an amazing view of the track. taking a seat on one of the benches that woonhak pointed to, he let out a breathy exhale.

“this is it, isn’t it pretty awesome?” he looks out into the distance, admiring the dark asphalt almost glittering in the sun.

“you guys were right, the view is really good. thank you.” you gave your thanks.

“seriously, y/n. it’s no problem! we’re glad to have you here to watch us.” he sits himself down next to you.

“i’m not used to this, is all. i was kind of taken aback when you guys invited me, i guess? aren’t i just some stranger?” you asked the boy curiously.

“stranger, sure. but jae and i think you’re too cute to look so bored.”

“huh?!”

“ah– i’m sorry that was kind of out of pocket!” he laughed nervously, “what i mean is that we’re pretty used to the energy from the crowd, and we didn’t want to leave a single person not excited. he told me you had a lot on your mind apparently, and thought it was a good idea for you to come hang out with us.”

“that’s actually.. very sweet. i’m not sure what to say.” you admit sheepishly.

“you don’t have to say anything, just enjoy yourself!” he stands up from his seat, “we’ll talk more when we get food, i’m gonna go grab my car and you can watch us do some laps.”

“okay, that sounds good!” 

woonhak left you by yourself, picking up a slight jog back to jae. the situation at hand was so random that it made you forget about everything for a moment. hopefully, you’d be able to put everything aside for now and try your best to move on. what they were doing was kind, and disappointing them feared you.

the sun's golden rays painted the pavement in warm hues, you felt a unique blend of curiosity and anticipation. before you, the track stretched out like a ribbon, a playground for speed and skill. your attention is suddenly drawn to two figures pulling up to the start with their cars.

they give you a wave, before the revving of their engines is all you could hear. with a burst of acceleration, they're off, racing side by side into the first turn. you follow their every move, eyes tracking the graceful dance of their cars as they navigate each curve and straightaway. it was a mesmerizing display of skill, the cars almost an extension of their bodies as they maneuver down the road. 

you began to grow glad that they invited you out, feeling much more positive emotion towards the sport than you did yesterday. yet as you focus more on their prowess on the track, you began to realize something else. every time they made contact with you, their desperateness to get you to hang out with them, a compliment slipping from woonhak’s lips not too long ago. were they flirting with you, and you’d been to dense to properly notice?

their couple laps continued as normal, but you find yourself between the exhilaration of their mini race and the growing awareness that maybe they didn’t intend to be exactly friends. unsure of what to think, you continued watching the race in an attempt to ignore the stutter of your heart beat.

once the two boys were finished, they immediately came back to you to see your opinions. beads of sweat dripped down their forehead as they approached you.

“how was it?” woonhak said, excited to hear your input.

“it was cool! i don’t know much about cars but it definitely kept me on my toes.” you reply honestly, watching the both of them smile brightly.

“that’s good you were more interested this time around! next time i’ll have to take you around with me.” jaehyun winks at you.

“sounds fun!” you try your best to ignore his very obvious and dramatic wink.

“we ordered pizza on the way back to you, it should be almost here.” woonhak interrupted, giving jae a light shove, “let’s go back?”

you nod, feeling the bubble of hunger forming in your stomach. the three of you walked back to where you originally started when you got to the track. it was almost like a garage, with various tools scattered everywhere and some bean - bags in the corner. 

arriving back, you settle yourself down on one of the seats while woonhak leaves to get the food from the delivery guy.

“hey, are you okay?” jaehyun asks randomly. 

“i’m fine, why wouldn’t i be?” you perk up your head.

“i was just wondering since you said you had a lot on your mind yesterday. i hope you weren’t forcing yourself to come here today.” his words sounded sincere.

“don’t worry about that, i’ve been trying to distract myself anyways so this was a good excuse.” you explain, “i don’t want to get into any specific details, but i went through a breakup about a month or two ago? it was kind of rough but i’m starting to get over it.”

“oh, shit. i’m sorry y/n.” he mumbles awkwardly.

“hey, if anything you’re doing me a favor. i know we don’t know each other very well, but i’m glad to have someone else to talk to.” 

“glad that i can be here, woon and i will keep you company! we kind of talk a lot? so you’ll know us like the back of your hand asap.” 

“you’re too sweet, i’m shocked you guys don’t have girlfriends yet.” you realize.

“girlfriends– oh, yeah! i do kind of have my eye on someone right now, but i don’t know if she’ll want to go out with me if i asked right now.” he mentioned, rubbing the back of his neck. you internally facepalmed, you should’ve known that he was just being nice.

“oh– if you like her, then you should just ask her. the worst thing she can do is say no.” you stammer, “but maybe my advice isn’t that good!”

“okay then, if you think that i should,” he didn’t argue, “y/n, would you like to hang out with me sometime? it doesn’t have to be a date or anything..”

“me..?” your eyes widened, heart skipping a beat or two, maybe three.

“is there another y/n in the room with us?” he jokes.

“this was probably the last thing i expected, you didn’t have to trick me like that!” you pout, making him smile.

“i just used your advice! but in all seriousness, you don’t have to say yes if you’re still hung over your breakup. you deserve someone good at the right time.”

“you know what? i’d love to go out with you sometime. it could be fun. i just don’t want you to think i’m trying to rebound or anything.”

“y/n, i could never think that of you. you seem very sincere, and i know you’re just trying to improve yourself.”

“that’s a relief then, was there anywhere in specific you were thinking?”

“here, put your number in my phone and i’ll text you when there’s something that pops up! i haven’t really planned that far ahead, but maybe we can do something the weekend before our big race?” he hands you his cell phone, open to the contacts page.

“then i’m in.” you smile at him, punching in your digits before handing it back to him.

“i hope you guys like pineapple on pizza!” woonhak announces, walking back into the room and placing the box in front of you two.

“dude? i don’t even like pineapple!” jaehyun whines.

“i know, that’s what makes it funny.” woonhak grins mischievously, falling back on one of the bean bags.

“bro?”

“i’m kidding, it’s half pineapple and half pepperoni.”

“i’ll eat anything, i’m just really hungry..” you mumble, placing a hand over your stomach.

jaehyun lifted the cardboard lid of the pizza box open, and each of you grabbed a slice to eat. in between rushed bites of the food you shared, you guys talked a lot. jae was right earlier when he said him and woonhak talked a lot, because you ended up learning a lot about them.

they were both still in school, but they did everything online since they were so busy with racing stuff. but besides racing, they enjoy singing and dancing a whole lot too. in all honesty, it caught you by surprise to hear the jump between their two completely different hobbies. they’re good friends with the other racers. as you heard the names sungho, riwoo, taesan, and leehan being juggled around a lot.

each of them were different in their own respective categories, but they were almost the same. both were extremely puppy - like, and had an immense amount of balled up energy. it was charming to you, and you found yourself laughing at everything they had to say. 

when you got the opportunity to talk about yourself, besides relating to the occasional comment they’d make, you were happy to give them a basic run down. explaining all of your little interests, whether you had a job or not, and that you were also still in school. talking to them became as easy as breathing.

night time came by quickly, as much as you were starting to feel like you didn’t want to leave. the pizza box was quickly discarded as you continued conversation with the two boys, but you knew they were starting to realize that you had to go too. the sunset spread orange and purple hues amongst the sky.

“i had a lot of fun hanging out with you guys, really. you don’t know how much i appreciate the invite!” you express your gratitude, slinging your bag around your body.

“we had fun too, you have to come hang out with us more before the race, yeah?” woonhak begged.

“i will!”

“you have my number, y/n. so you know who to call when you’re feeling bored.” jaehyun smirks, which made you remember of the date that you had planned.

“i’ll walk you out to your car since it’s getting dark soon.” woonhak recommended, as you only responded with a nod.

“bye, jaehyun, i’ll message you!” you wave goodbye, the youngest boy treading on your heels as you walked out.

“do you live close?” woonhak asked next to you as you lead him to your car, hands in his pockets.

“it’s just a fifteen minute drive, nothing crazy. what about you?” you return his question.

“i live just slightly closer, that’s sort of how i got into racecar driving. when i was younger me and jae have always passed by the track on our bikes.” he reminisced for a moment.

“you and jaehyun have known each other since you were kids?”

“pretty much, we’ve always been super close. and we live in the same neighborhood!” he exclaimed, happy to be talking about his closest friend.

“that’s super cute, i can tell you guys are stuck to each others hip. i can see some competition there though, but i’m assuming it’s all friendly?” you point out. 

“definitely, we have very similar motives so it’s bound to happen. but he’s like a big brother to me, even though he’s not that far off from me. don’t tell him i said that.” he mumbled, watching as you click the unlock button on your car keys.

“nothing wrong with a little friendly arguing.” you say, “thank you for walking me to my car, and again, for today.

“no problem, but actually i wanted to ask you something before you leave.” he leaned an arm on the top of your car, being tall enough to do so.

“what’s up?”

“would you maybe want to go out with me sometimes? date or not, you’re really pretty and um– i enjoyed talking to you a lot today!” he stammers, an unfamiliar timidness underlying his tone.

“woonhak i–” you were at a loss for words, “i’m so sorry but, jae asked me out earlier and i know you guys are friends so that would be really–”

“i know he did, he told me.”

“what?!”

“we both think you’re cool, y/n. that’s probably why you saw so much of us arguing? fighting i guess? but– we don’t want you to think you’re apart of a competition or anything! like of course it would be cool if me and you could go on a date but i wouldn’t be super pissed if you chose jaehyun or anything and–” he rambles.

“so let me get this straight, you and jaehyun want to go out with me,” you point at yourself, “but you actually like me and aren’t using me for a competition?”

“god it sounds so much worse when you say it like that.” he sighs, “i genuinely think you’re amazing, and if you would let me– i wouldn’t mind taking you out some time! i know you’ll be going with jaehyun too but there’s no hard feelings, trust me.”

“you two are.. very interesting. but honestly, i don’t see why not.” you gave in, watching the boys face light up.

“really?!”

“really. you seem genuine so i’ll take your word for it. granted that’s kind of what fucked me over last time but..”

“y/n i promise i won’t hurt you. we can always be friends, plus it doesn’t even have to be much of a date!” he covers up.

“i believe you, woonhak. i’ll see you around, okay?” you open your car door as he waves to you.

“bye, y/n!” he bids you goodbye eagerly, a large smile never failing to leave his face.

as soon as you shut yourself in the confines of your car, and the giddy boy is out of your vision, you let out the loudest groan imaginable. for once, you weren’t being completely delusional in the thought that both the boys took a liking to you. because now you sat, wallowing in your own self pity, with two dates lined up on your calender.

you were unsure if you were in a good mental position to go on dates, but the only thing that spending the day with woonhak and jaehyun taught you was that it would get better. it had been months, and you were realizing that maybe it was time to move on. you would never attempt to rebound with either of the boys, so on the bright side, you had the time up until these dates to grow.

this didn’t entail that you’d get in a relationship with one of them the second the date was over, but they would at least be in your consideration. with all of that, the big question still remained in your head. what exactly were you going to do?

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RACE TO YOUR HEART series

[ratcatcher0325]

A Fraction of Justice (Chapter #31)

Chapter #31. ... Something Wicked this way comes... Or so Alexander thinks. Who is at Nat's door?

So this is by far my longest chapter yet! I guess that makes up for how long it took me to write and edit it? Maybe? Anyway thanks for continuing to read!! I love and appreciate you all!

Previous: Chapter #30

Next: Chapter #32

Word Count: 10,045 Read Time: Approx. 60+ mins

CW: adult language

Tag list: @gatlily @patrocolus3 @beautifulunknowntrash @titan-god-420 @andraimeide @themarlo @cup-o-chai @lucentbliss @raccoontoaster @tolsizedlove @not-a-space-alien @thegodmother007 @honey-olive @bittykimmy13 @aceouttatime @imvenusasaboy @liminaldaze @windshield-patent @joxter-coded @rosella35 @narrans @rubeau-art @littlescaryinternetguy @jae-from-discord @kitn-underfoot @secretly-small @writing-forever @iinogongju @itsgothgirlthyme @make-me-giant @reborrowing @whatthisfemsheplikes @soapysoap69 @tinystrawberryshifter @thetinylittlespider @bigboicol-theflamingcol @certainwizardlady

Btw, DM me if you wanna be added to the tag list!

___________________________________

A Fraction of Justice

Chapter #31: The Pricking of Thumbs... and Eyes

[Alexander’s POV]

I strained to listen through the bedroom door, thicker than I measured shoulder to shoulder, through walls of drywall and insulation, through distance. While it was only a few dozen steps for the human who’d just told me to hide, it may as well have been the better part of a mile for me. 

Damn my little frame! 

My throat tightened as my spinal column was washed with adrenaline. What was happening out there? Was she okay? What was my best course of action? On the desktop I had the advantage of some height, sure, but I was also a sitting duck, with no chance to outrun a pair of malicious human hands if it were to come down to that. Did I risk clamoring to the floor? Or did that just guarantee my doom, underfoot? Down there, I’d have more places to hide out of sight before springing into action with this makeshift weapon I currently hefted under my arm. If push came to shove, would I be able to get to her in time to make any difference at all? Even if I crashed my way into the room with two absolutely massive beings before me, was there anything I could do to help? 

My few milliseconds for strategizing were abruptly cut short as the creak of the door opening far off in the distance hit my ears. My blood froze in my veins and I admit, I held my breath as I ground my heels into the wood of the desk, waiting to discover what was taking place far beyond where I stood. 

The door opened. I strained, wincing and wishing I wasn’t banished to this far off room, like some weak little coveted prize to be stashed away when danger called. I couldn’t be certain, but I swore I heard a gasp. 

Her gasp. 

My heart thundered ever more feverishly. That was it. I had to do something. Anything. Even if it got me killed. I would not lie down and cower in fear like some weak little waste of oxygen. If she needed my help, I’d try my damndest to give it. 

Without a second thought, I hobbled over to the edge of her desk, contemplating the cables I’d shimmied down once before. I now had the much more logistically challenging job of navigating this vertical drop with a letter opener towering a whole 3 inches above my head and mobility aid tucked under my arm. I heard a shuffling of feet as I swung my own over the cliff’s edge that was the desk’s ledge. I tried not to think about how a drop from this height could kill me as I heard her exclaim, “What the fuck? What’re you doing here?” Was this someone she knew? To my ears, it didn’t sound good.

 I needed to move, and quickly. I heard a male voice, deep and wholly unfamiliar ring in response, but I hardly had the bandwidth to pick up on his exact words. I managed to hear “Worried… Own good… Don’t freak out…” I launched myself over the edge, both hands gripping the cord as I swung precariously, trying not to drop the two objects carefully hooked under my right shoulder joint and pressed to my side with the crook of my elbow. I had to make sure to apply adequate pressure to keep them from slipping. 

 Hand under fist, I began to slowly lower myself down the length of the cord. The progress was abysmally slow. I bared my teeth, sweat forming on my brow, as a muscular burning began to blossom in my shoulders and arms. No! Not now, I’ve only just begun my descent. 

I pictured Natalie’s face in my mind. I’d no doubt she could hold her own quite well. The incident with the driver in her alley and her unapologetic shouting match with the impatient man came immediately to the forefront of my thoughts. She did not hesitate to come to her own defense, and I knew that. What she’d failed to remember when she’d commanded me to hide myself away, is that I would not hesitate to do the same. 

I was ripped back to reality by two concurrent events that occupied my full attention. First, I could feel my crutch slipping dangerously from my hold on it, threatening to fall out of my grip entirely, as my arms shook with the effort to hold myself aloft. I could hardly afford to risk letting go with one arm to catch it, let alone be able to twist around in time to stop its fall. I doubted I’d be able to support my full weight with just one fist gripping tightly to the slippery rubber casing of a wire. Yet, if it tumbled to the ground, and out of reach, I’d be royally screwed in trying to hobble even a few paces. 

As I hung in place, tightening the pressure between my elbow and ribs to try to keep the objects from falling, the second event tore me away from my current disaster unto another. There were footsteps, loud and unmistakable, thundering toward the door. This human, whoever he was, would be bursting through the threshold in only a few seconds’ time, judging by the cacophony of shoes on wood flooring. 

I was much too high off the ground to risk jumping, but too far down to have enough time to clamor back up again. This was a huge mistake. I was stuck, midair, probably about level with the average human’s thigh, swinging uselessly, and utterly exposed. Like ripe fruit ready to be plucked from its vine, I was at high risk of being snatched up.  

Steel yourself, Alexander, now’s not the time for succumbing to fear. I had a weapon after all, and a sharp one at that. 

The gigantic footfalls continued with ever growing intensity in my direction. The stranger’s voice seemed far too casual and familiar for my liking, “Aww, come on, I gotta see what’s been goin’ on… what’re you trying to hide?” Who was this man? Why was she not stopping him and what gave him any right to invade her home on such unexpected notice, no less? 

What was she trying to hide? Me. You unwelcome invader of privacy. She’s trying to hide me. So much for keeping out of plain sight and giving her peace of mind. 

“No, you really don’t! N-no I’m not hiding– I just… now’s not a good time and–” Her voice was softer than his, quieter and more distant. He was charging ahead and she was scrambling after him. What was wrong with this human? Did he not know how to listen? 

The footfalls were so close now, I could feel them as they ricocheted through the hardwood floor of the hall, and shook my makeshift climbing rope ever so slightly. 

How embarrassing. Just their steps were enough to rock me to and fro like a fragile leaf on the breeze. I swallowed hard. This was it. In the next millisecond I’d be face to face… well… make that face to body with an unknown enemy.

I gripped tighter, tucking the cable between the sole of one shoe and the toe of the other, so that I didn’t have to bear all my weight with just my arms. This muscular effort tweaked my injured leg, as my trembling hands gained some small relief. With my crutch still barely able to balance, I readied myself to use my weapon if needed. I was almost certain it would be needed. 

That’s when he crashed through the door. 

He towered over me, of course. The gusts of wind generated from his massive form erupting into the room threw my hair about my face and made me grit my teeth. Why did humans have to be so big?! 

He stopped just inside the doorway, his left thigh upsettingly close, yet maybe just an inch or so shy of being within stabbing range. Damn. Still, he was much too near for my liking. I could practically smell him. Was that fresh soap and a hint of cinnamon? I wrinkled my nose in disgust.

 He hadn’t noticed me yet: of course not, I was far below his eye line, why would he? He stood comfortably, as if he owned the place. He looked a few years older than Natalie, perhaps about my age, though it was impossible to know for sure. His bespectacled visage was bright, excitable. He seemed amused, as he cast his gaze around. His beard, dark in color, just like his neat, tightly curled hair, was cut close to his jawline. The wide-necked cable-knit sweater he wore sported a geometric pattern in black, royal blue and crisp white. His left hand relaxed inside the pocket of his corduroy slacks, as he took in the room before him. 

I hated him at first glance. 

He played the part of a perfect Nantucket dandy, clearly hailing from wealth, and with the added benefit of an Ivy League university education, he seemed out of place in Natalie’s humble living conditions. Everything about him oozed with pretension and privilege. And yet, the two of them seemed well acquainted, so there must’ve been some common ground. 

While this strange and wholly unwelcome intruder delighted in the view, my muscles were screaming for relief. Sweat poured from my brow and down the back of my neck. My arms, in spite of my best efforts, were starting to tremble and that damned cane was ever closer to tipping out of my grasp and down to the floor, a deadly distance away. I couldn’t hold on for much longer, but I’d be damned if I’d let this supercilious interloper’s first encounter with me be one of pitying condescension because I required any form of assistance.  

A moment after he’d paused in the doorway, the third party in this equation, and second human, my human, practically crashed into him in her hurried attempt to stop him in his tracks. Great job, on that front, Natalie. She managed to stop just short of colliding directly into his back by gripping to the threshold of the door and halting her momentum. Much to my surprise, I noticed she was significantly shorter than him. Was Natalie short? That seemed impossible, given just how towering she was to me. Or was this unannounced visitor just abnormally tall? From my vantage point they both may as well have been city buildings, so the difference hardly mattered. 

I watched as her eyes flitted feverishly over the desk’s surface, no doubt searching for me. She was red faced and breathless. I couldn’t tell if she was more relieved or panicked by not knowing where I was. Maybe luck was on my side and I’d go unnoticed by them both, left to gasp and tend to my sore muscles in the sanctity and peace of a humanless space. She sucked in air as if about to speak, no doubt to usher him out of the room, when he, oblivious, his back to both of us, cut her off. 

“Damn Nat, since when did you start picking up? This place always looked like a tornado blew through here but now it should be on the cover of a home decor magazine or something… What’s changed?” Me. I’m the change that made her clean up her pigsty of a home. You’re welcome. If I hadn’t been convinced already, it was painfully clear now that these two knew each other. He had this smug, easy going familiarity about him that made the bile rise in my throat. Who did this man think he was, waltzing into Natalie’s home uninvited and entirely unexpected and then parading around as if he owned the place? Was he expecting to stay for dinner? Spend the weekend on her couch? How dare he interrupt her work, our work, as if we had nothing better to do with our day than entertain him! 

I glanced over at Natalie, she didn’t seem the least bit offended or wary of his presence. So he’d been an unplanned but not altogether shocking visitor? How often did this stranger make himself comfortable in her home? They must’ve been quite close if he had unfettered access to her space and had been here frequently enough to note her change in personal organization. Why hadn't she mentioned him before?

As he spoke, he took another step into the space and went so far as to sweep a finger tip across the surface of her dresser to check for dust, his expression one of impressed intrigue (as he should be, that was my meticulous and thorough dusting he was observing). 

While he remained occupied, I suddenly felt the invasion of her gaze alighting on me. She finally spotted me, dangling there like some marionette in the world’s most boring puppet show. 

Her eyes bulged from her skull, as she set her jaw and her nostrils flared in that capricious way she always did when she was upset with me, which was infuriatingly often. 

Her gaze flitted with anxious intensity from my dangling form to the back of this other human, and then returned to me. With a frantic, utterly confounded gesture she mouthed at me with a serpent’s intensity “What the fuck are you doing?!” 

I hissed back, the heat in my face beginning to rise, “What am I doing? Why is he–” I jutted my chin in the stanger’s direction, which I immediately regretted as the force of my gesture forced me to swing in counterbalance, making the challenge of keeping my grip steady and the objects in my arms from falling all the more difficult, “--even here?” I cast my eyes down to the letter opener, and then back to her, “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m protecting you!” 

Somehow, her eyes managed to widen even farther as her gaze followed mine toward the letter opener in my grip, its blade as long as I was tall, sharp and menacing, “Don’t you dare! Alexander! No! Do NOT.” 

While she spat through gritted teeth, she made all kinds of emphatic gestures: shaking her head, swiping her hand in one fell motion across her throat, and staring daggers at me. If she hadn’t learned by now that telling me what to do would get her absolutely nowhere, then there really was no hope for her. If the man deserved to be stabbed, a stabbing he would get. Simple as that. 

She seemed to read my mind, “Alexander–” She was about to continue, her eyes narrowed to slits, even taking half a step in my direction, no doubt on the verge of expressing more disapproval for my very reasonable reaction to an invader in her home, or perhaps to simply snatch me up and disarm me, which I was prepared to fight tooth and nail over. Just as she drew another breath, however, the seemingly spatially unaware invader himself, clearly having no idea of this fiercely whispered conversation behind his back, uttered a noise of delight and intrigue which made both our heads whip in his direction. 

“Oh! This is adorable!” During the length of our heated exchange, our interloper had graduated from the dresser to the bedside table, where he was now leaning, hands on knees, marveling at the miniature wonder that was my neatly made bed, my dresser, and a few other furniture items, all to my scale: my open air bedroom of sorts. Oh give me a break! Have you never seen a bed before? What’s wrong with you?

 Defensively, Natalie stepped in his direction, still trying to keep my presence a secret; a smart move if his fascination with just my furniture was any indication of how he’d react to seeing me. A few beads of sweat traced down my spine as I grit my teeth, struggling to hold on. He continued to stare, adjusting his glasses for a better look, “What’s all this for? It’s so cute!” Come back over here and I’ll show you cute. 

Realizing with simultaneous intuition that we had about half a second before he’d turn over his shoulder to look back in her direction, we exchanged a swift, knowing glance before she turned on her heel, and planted herself firmly between him and my hiding spot, obscuring me from view.  

“Oh! All that? It’s… nothing… I thought my niece might like them, I just haven’t wrapped them up for her yet…” Ah yes, thank you Natalie, for reminding me that I and your niece’s playthings could do a furniture swap if we wanted. Excellent. At least she was giving me a chance to escape my predicament. She got points for that.

 I wasted no time in re-engaging my muscles for the upward climb. As my shoulder joints buckled, I felt my stomach drop. Did I have the strength to pull myself up? 

Now was not the time for doubt. I had to try. 

She continued to cover for me, speaking louder than was normal, as I made laughably little progress towards the lip of the desk, “Anyway, look, I really appreciate you coming to check on me. You have literally been saving my ass with the lectures and stuff, I owe you, big time…” My whole body was trembling, my breath escaping my lungs in ragged gasps, my hands, now slick with sweat, were struggling to maintain traction, as my hurt leg burned from the far too great strain I was putting on it just to keep from slipping. As I struggled against gravity, Natalie crossed the room to the other human, trying her damndest to usher him toward the door.

I was only a bit too preoccupied at the moment to clock whether her encouragement was proving successful. Hand over fist, feet wrapped tightly around the thick, rubber casing, I was getting ever closer to sweet relief. Only about two inches of distance left. I could do this. 

No sooner had I encouraged myself, than my next handhold gave way and I was left to cling fast by one arm, as I instinctively hugged the letter opener and cane to my chest with my now free hand, both objects swaying wildly along the same pendulum trajectory of my own form. My heart rate spiked and it took every ounce of willpower I had not to make a sound as I happened to peer down at the floor, seemingly a million miles below me. That was close. Taking advantage of the gravitational force that bandied me about, I managed to grab back on with my right hand. 

Okay, crisis averted, I could do this. 

 “...But, you did your check-up on me and as you can see I’m totally fine, so…”

Nevermind. I could not do this. 

No sooner had I steeled myself for the homestretch, my grip gave way again and this time I had much less luck in righting myself. My favored hand, my left, failed me, as did my foothold. I was now dangling, precariously, by one arm, legs flailing, as I swung with a violent rhythm. But that wasn’t the end of my troubles. In my scramble to right myself, my movement was enough to finally knock the crutch from my grasp.. and down, down, down it fell. 

"...Thanks for stopping by. Like I said I do have a bunch of shit to do today–” CLANG!!! 

The aluminum cane collided with the metal rim of the trash can below. My shoulders flew up to my ears as I cringed and grit my teeth. 

So much for keeping a low profile. 

The gasp of pure delight that came from the man across the room made my stomach churn, as I hung, wrapped tightly around the cable, my one line of defense still pressed between my chest and arm. The speed with which he turned on his heel, alerted by the sound I’d accidentally made, only to almost instantaneously break into a, frankly, disturbingly joyful smile made my countenance twist into a snarl. He practically bounded over to me, with so much enthusiasm that his footfalls shook me from head to toe. 

Why, oh why, did I ever delude myself into thinking the company of humans was ever worthwhile?

Much to my utter frustration and embarrassment, all my swinging and thrashing about for a steady hold left the wire above me twisted, and, therefore, I found myself being turned so that his rapidly approaching gigantic face was greeted with only my back.

This was all much too humiliating. I kicked and writhed in a minimally successful attempt to right myself. What I was greeted with made me regret the effort. 

His bespectacled gaze was a mere few inches from my body, his dark eyes, widened and glowed with patronizing fascination. 

“Awwwww…” His voice was booming, the intensity of his stare far too all-encompassing, he was close enough that I could smell him, that hint of soap and cinnamon striking my nostrils like a biochemical warning signal. He smiled, his massive eyes staring directly down into mine, “You need help, there, little buddy?” I could practically feel the steam erupting from my ears. Before I even had a chance to snap back, the pad of a finger, huge, rough and jarring, pressed into my ribs to turn me fully about.

 I writhed away from his touch, swinging to and fro and snarling, “DO NOT TOUCH ME.” Even a rattlesnake gives one fair warning before he strikes, this is mine and you’d do well to adhere to its call. 

Simultaneously with my outburst Natalie stepped forward, clearly forecasting what was to come. She knew me well enough by now to know just how I would take such condescension. As she came forward, I felt myself tensing, Don’t you dare swoop in and rob me of my moment. I don’t need your help here, I’m well armed and perfectly capable. I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin, hungering for the now inevitable moment of  confrontation with a being twelve times larger than myself. 

She continued to close the distance between us, and I couldn’t help noticing how her hand rested on his trapezius muscle with easy familiarity. She glared at him, an eyebrow raised “Yeah. Don’t, dude. Don’t do that…” Her eyes darted from him to me, her right hand poised to reach forward and tear me away. As much as I relished the idea of not having to hang here any longer, I craved the opportunity to give this dimwit a piece of my mind with far greater fervor.

But it seemed unnecessary for me to advocate on my own behalf, because he immediately laid the groundwork of his own demise, “Aw, come on, Nat. Don’t stress. I’ve got this. Just watch, we’re gonna be the best of friends after today, aren’t we? Aren’t we little fella?” How perfect. Keeping digging your own grave, you cable-knit clown. 

He stared expectantly, awaiting a response. His brows furrowed when he received nothing but an unrelenting glare from me, “He’s not much of a talker, huh?” His eyes darted uncomfortably away from my stone cold stare, as he looked to Natalie for an explanation.

“Quite the opposite, actually. That’s why I’m worried…” 

“Aww, don’t be! I’m not gonna hurt him!” 

“… for you, jackass. You’ve pissed him off into silent rage, that’s a level farther than even I’ve gotten.” 

The bespectacled man burst into laughter. Not only did the volume at this distance threaten to blow out my eardrums, but the boiling of my blood quickened my heart rate and I couldn’t help but snarl. The ignoramus wiped a tear from his eye and managed to speak between bouts of belly laughter, “You’re joking, right? That’s adorable! Uh oh, somebody’s grumpy! We all better be very afraid!” He threw his hands up in mock terror. His voice cascaded and echoed in a sing-songy voice reserved for the condescension of human babies or cute animals. Come just a little closer, you ignorant bastard, I dare you. 

“I’m gonna say this one more time, you’re gonna regret saying shit like that, I promise. So either move and let me disarm him, or you’ll see what happens when you piss him off!” 

Another round of incredulous laughter. Could he manage to be any louder and more obnoxious? I highly doubted it. He continued, unphased by Natalie’s apt warning,  “Look at him! He’s harmless! What’s he gonna do? That letter opener is bigger than he is. I’m actually surprised he’s even able to hold it!” You’ll be even more surprised how much force I can put behind it when its razor edge sinks into your flesh, “Yeah, you’re not gonna hurt me, are ya? I bet you’re just a sweet little guy, deep down. I just frightened you, is all. Don’t be scared…” Scared?! Who did he think he was dealing with? “Did you drop something? Here lemme help you….” 

He sank all the way to his knees now, searching the carpet fibers for my long lost cane. I waited, practically salivating in anticipation. He rose back to a neutral spine, his knees still planted in the carpet, as he held the walking aide triumphantly between finger and thumb, it looking no more durable than a twig in his massive grip. He grinned brightly, clearly pleased with himself. Alright, just a little closer… 

He waved it wildly in front of my face, like teasing a dog with a stick before playing fetch. Needless to say I was less than amused. He leaned forward, to place it on the surface of the desk behind me. Yes, you’re doing great, A+ for hitting your mark. You’re almost exactly where I want you to be. Just a tiny bit closer… His massive face was mere inches from mine, I could see every pore, every eyelash, every detail I’m sure most humans would prefer to be left to the imagination. He was so near I could feel the cascading tide of his breath stirring tendrils of my hair. He looked down at me, his dark brown eyes bright with bubbly self satisfaction, “There ya go. See? We can be friends. I’m not out to getcha…” As soon as the object clattered to the wooden surface, his hand descended from over my head, careening down, closer and closer until his fingers were right on top of me, aiming for my hair. Was this man about to try and pet me?! 

Without a second’s hesitation, I wrapped my right arm firmly around the chord, hefted the letter opener over my head, tucked it securely on my left side, and then shoved it forward with all my might. 

The trajectory of the weapon was suddenly halted when its point hit home, jarring my shoulder as it absorbed the ricochet of force. 

This four-eyed Polyphemus roared in shock and surprise, his hand flying up to the origin of sudden pain. The letter opener had glanced off the rim of his glasses, and the blade hit its mark just an inch or so shy of his right ocular organ. He whipped away, batting the letter opener as he went with such force that he very nearly pulled the weapon and me right along with him, but, somehow, in spite of our significant disparity in strength, I managed to hold fast. 

His initial exclamation, loud enough to deafen me, was not one of articulate words, but rather garbled shouting. He’d flung himself backwards, crumpled in a heap on the floor. 

And thus, Saint George slayed the dragon. 

Did I feel a swell of pride enlarge my chest? You bet I did.  

Raising my voice over the din, I shouted at the top of my lungs, “I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME, YOU INSUFFERABLE WRETCH!” I couldn’t help but laugh as I swung on the wire, all muscular exhaustion temporarily forgotten in the wake of this newfound excitement. 

“ALEXANDER!!!” Uh oh. 

Here came Natalie, her shadow casting a pall, literally and figuratively, over my gleeful celebration. She was pissed. I didn’t care.  

Meanwhile, her friend had scrambled across the carpet until his head crashed into the dresser behind him, “WHAT THE FUCK?!?! HE ALMOST STABBED ME IN THE EYE!” The timbre of his voice  had gone from saccharinely sweet baby talk to one of whiny disdain and flustered disbelief. He pointed at me emphatically with his free hand, looking to Natalie for some sort of recompense. 

I beat her to the punch.  

“WHAT DID I SAY? HM? WHAT DID I TELL YOU? I WARNED YOU!!!” I shouted across the cavern between myself and him, until my throat was raw. By this time, Natalie had fully crossed the few feet between her dresser and desk, settling before me on her knees, her brow furrowed and her jaw clenched. 

“Alexander! Hush! You’ve done enough damage already…” Her fingers descended around me, her thumbs pressing into my sternum and across my abdomen, her coinciding index fingers reaching under my arms and just above my hips to support my weight. Her grip was a bit harder and swifter than I’d become used to. She was trying to pluck me up quickly, and I sensed it wasn’t simply due to a desire to relieve me of holding myself up.

 Nevertheless, I was grateful for the relief, letting out a breath I hadn’t noticed I was holding. Carefully, she untangled me from the wire and shifted me to a seated position in her right palm. As she gathered me in her hand, she paused just long enough to cast a glance over her shoulder, “He did warn you though, like, in a multitude of ways…”

“Ha! See??” I burst with pride, unable to keep a wide grin from painting my features. 

She whipped around immediately, “Oh shut up, Alexander,” She pointed her index finger at my chest, “You’re in as much trouble as he is! He was being a fucking ass, yes, but you didn’t have to shank him! Give me that!!” Her finger and thumb dove for the plastic handle of my weapon, still dutifully tucked under my arm.  

I resisted, jerking my shoulder in the opposite direction, “Me? What did I do except protect myself… and you?” 

She looked utterly incredulous, motioning with a sweeping, exaggerated gesture at the injured party, who had now managed to scramble to his feet, examining his battle wound in the vanity mirror, “You STABBED my fucking friend! That’s the TA!” 

I was baffled by this newfound information. 

“THAT’S the TA? Who’s been sending the taped lectures and keeping your attendance afloat? That pretentious imbecile? Well, he shouldn’t have been so condescending to me! And… besides, you could’ve led with that, you know! Maybe then I’d have gone for his hands instead!” I found myself escalating in volume as I spoke, getting increasingly more emphatic, until I was practically shouting. 

“You didn’t give me a chance before you went all Zorro on his ass!!!!!” 

“What’s Zorro?!?!?”

“Oh my god! Give me the sharp object Alexander, do not make me pry it out of your tiny little hands!” My face flushed hot. I knew she was keenly aware I resented that completely unnecessary addition of ‘tiny’ and ‘little’ into her request. Nothing about me was little, everything and everyone else was just huge. End of story. 

 She held out her free hand, flat, just below my chest, raising one eyebrow expectantly. I held off for a second, then another, “ALEXANDER!”  Fine!

 I trusted our intruder understood his limits now and would not be making the same mistake twice. I relented, laying the slightly bloodied object across her fingers. She pursed her lips as if to say “That’s what I thought.” I had a feeling she had a few choice words for me after this unexpected visit. No matter. I regretted nothing. 

“Uh, Nat?” It’s bleeding… like a lot…” His voice from across the room drew our attention once more. He turned over his shoulder as he spoke, revealing a rivulet of blood springing from his cheek, down the fingers he’d pressed against it to staunch the flow, and down farther still, staining his pristine, white, woolen collar. 

“Fuck!” Natalie practically groaned, before flashing me an extremely dirty look, “Here, lemme… uh, here…” she half rose, seeming to suddenly remember she was holding me. With a grimace, she set me down somewhat roughly on the desktop. She wasted no time in quickly swiping the letter opener up and away from my grasp, before securing it in the back pocket of her jeans. Taking a quick glance around, she decided to pluck up the entire metal cup of pens and other writing utensils, “Please, just stay right here.” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared. When she realized that was all she was going to get from me, she rolled her eyes and sighed. 

With that she rushed over to her friend who was cupping his other hand beneath the first to catch drops of crimson as they fell. She threw the pencil holder down on the vanity and ushered him hurriedly to the bathroom, turning over her shoulder and pointing both fingers at her eyes, before reversing the gesture to be aimed at me. I held my hands up, what could I possibly do now? I was unarmed, and stranded. The object of my disdain far away from my radius for harm. 

As they retreated, I heard the wounded man grumble, “Fuck! He’s a little… demon!!” I had the sense that a different word had come to mind first, but he’d chosen the latter. 

“… Yeah, believe me, I know…” Hey! Natalie, you’re supposed to be on my side! 

“Why in the hell do you keep him around, then?” 

“I don’t know how to explain it, but, believe it or not, he actually kinda grows on you after a while.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that. Should I be offended or flattered? 

“I can’t believe he actually stabbed me…” And I’d do it again without hesitation. 

After that, their voices became so muffled beyond the partially closed bathroom door that it was hardly worth straining to listen. 

I sat alone, isolated and small, feeling a burning sensation in all my exhausted muscle groups, as my heart and lungs worked to steady themselves to a more even tempo. The gift of solitude meant that I no longer had to maintain my composure. I collapsed back onto an elbow, breath coming in ragged fits and starts, no longer having to maintain a defensive stance. Air couldn’t come fast enough as I choked and sweat dripped in my eyes and down my back and neck. My arms and legs were spasming as I tried my best to come down from the excitement of all that had just transpired. Damn, my leg hurt. Everything hurt. I focused on my breathing for a few moments, eyes craned to the ceiling so far above where I lay. I was utterly exhausted. A long rest in my bed which had been the object of such condescension and ridicule just a while ago sounded utterly delightful. But what could I do? I had no means of crossing the vast room in any practical way. I was much too pathetically little for such luxuries of inhabiting two different corners of a room with ease. As if I needed any more reminders today of how small I was. What was a man in my situation to do but sit and ponder? I had no other recourse, after all. 

So, this was her friend who’d helped make all this time working from home possible? I was beginning to think Natalie had very poor taste in friends. I wrinkled my nose in disgust remembering how his eyes had lit up in fascination like I was some shiny, new, coveted object. What was wrong with humans? What was so delightfully fascinating about me anyway?  In any case, he got exactly what was coming to him. 

The muffled sound of voices honed into sharp focus as, suddenly, a voice with a male timbre could be heard whining, “Fuck! OWWW!!!”

A female voice followed with zero hesitation, “Oh don’t be such a fucking baby!” 

I couldn’t help but chuckle. You got what you deserved, you overly enthused idiot. Of course, in fairness to him, I knew firsthand how dangerous Natalie could be when armed with a cotton swab soaked in hydrogen peroxide. 

*********

If I was in the mood to be generous, which I wasn’t, all I could say is that the tension in the air between myself, leaning over the kitchen counter prepping two whiskey cokes, my friend, nursing his wounds at my kitchen table, and the positively tiny man, petulantly sulking on the opposite side of the table and somehow, even from this distance, palpably radiating with vitriol, was so thick, you could cut it with a knife. The only sound was the groan of the living room heater, as ice clattered in the glass while I poured.  

We’d shuffled from bedroom to kitchen without so much as a word between us. And now here we were, all avoiding eye contact like put out children. This was fucking stupid. They were both being wildly immature about this. Build a bridge guys. Don’t condscend and don’t be a fucking dick, it’s not that complicated. Did this whole crazy day say something about me? Was I like a drama magnet or something? 

Tired of the exhaustive pity party, I swept my hair from my eyes, and swirling them for a final time, I set the drinks down by a wool sweater covered elbow. Neither of them bothered to respond.

 I stood there for a moment before breaking the ice myself, “Alright then… Alexander? Meet Charles. He’s a teaching assistant in most of my main lectures this semester. He was just coming over to check on me since I’d kinda gone AWOL these last few weeks. That’s all. He’s not a threat to either of us, okay? He’s a good guy and he means well. He just… had a pretty major… lapse in judgment. One of the smartest people I know… Oh, don’t glare at me like that! Besides you, of course. Okay, Charles, meet Alexander. I found him in my pantry… well, actually, my roses… well, I technically found him in the trash, I just didn’t know it yet… anyway, he’s incredibly intelligent, fiercely independent, and he’s been through some fucking major shit, yet, he still manages to come back swinging every time. To be super clear, he’s here only as long as he wants to be, he’s his own man and he has my utmost respect, even though he pisses me off every five minutes for doing gremlin shit like stabbing my friends in the fucking face. Oh, and he’s almost as big a nerd as you, so I’d like to think you two can find some common ground. So, with that said, it’s time to kiss and make up.” They each bore holes into the surface of the table. I refused to take no for an answer, “Apologize to each other, now.” 

Both their heads whipped up, brows furrowed, incredulous sputters erupting from both mouths, big and small. Then, upon realizing I was serious, and almost as if on cue, both shouted, “Me?! What did I do?!” 

“Jesus Christ, do I have to do all the heavy lifting around here?” I couldn’t help but massage my temples, a stress headache no doubt on the near horizon, “Charles? Gimme your eyes…” My friend’s lips flattened into a line as he raised one eyebrow as if to say, ‘Really, Nat?’ My bad. Wrong turn of phrase, given that one of his seeing organs was nearly lost just a few minutes ago. 

I sighed, settling into the chair between the two uneasy parties, each glaring over his shoulder at the other, “Sorry, well, your one good one, then… Look…” Fuck, bad phrasing again, what was wrong with me? “…I haven’t even had a chance to properly thank you for braving this shit weather to come check on me. I know I haven’t been super responsive and you’re a good friend…” 

The tiny scoff in the vicinity of my right elbow made me, albeit briefly, change course, “Zip it, Alexander!” Instead of acquiescing quietly, he, of course, had to make a big show of his dislike of being told what to do. He threw his small weight dramatically against the ugly, chipped, ceramic salt shaker my grandma gifted me years ago. 

The object hardly even rocked as he pressed against it, rolling over his shoulder to turn away from me and obscure himself from view behind the white and blue patterned flowers,  “…Anyway, where was I?” I turned my attention back to Charles, “Yes, you’re awesome, thank you for always watering my plants when I go home on break and for making the hellscape that is lawschool slightly more bearable. However… As you can see, there’s something significantly different from last time we really talked and there’s some important things you need to know: He may look like the cutest little blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel that you’ve ever seen, he may be so adorably small that he can fit in just the palm of your hand and, yes, in theory, if you were really determined to pick him up you could do so without too much resistance, but when I tell you it is against your own self interest to fuck with this little man I am speaking from extensive experience. He deserves as much respect as anyone else, big or small. He’s fought for that all his life and at least in the confines of this apartment, he’ll get what he’s worked so hard for. Believe me, he had to train me too, in the beginning. Listen to him and everyone will be much better off for it, I promise. Do not condescend to him, do not touch him without his permission and do not, under any circumstances, treat him as anything less than the hyper intelligent, wonderful little nightmare he is.” Out of the corner of my eye, I caught tiny movements on the table’s surface below, a pair of blue eyes staring up at me through blonde, curtained bangs as he listened intently. I didn’t dare flash my gaze in that direction, knowing full well once he’d been caught in the act, he’d turn away again. 

Charles was quick to respond, applying pressure with a few fingers around the banadage on his cheek, as if spot checking for blood, “Little nightmare is fuckin’ right. What did I do? I was kind. I helped him. I tried to be as gentle as I could. Look at him, he’s adorable… er, was… Can I really be blamed for that?” He shrugged defensively, “I mean, c’mon, they’re tiny, they’re cute, isn’t that, like, the whole point?” 

I was going to strangle him, “Dude, did you listen to a single thing I just said?”

“What?! I thought they liked it!” 

“You thought I… what?” No longer satisfied with lingering behind the salt shaker, Alexander rose to standing. Without his cane, which, in all the fuss, I’d stupidly left in the bedroom, he steadied himself with one hand on the painted ceramic, his chest puffed out, a defiant gleam in his eye. Oh boy, here we go. I knew better than to get in his way, but I couldn’t help taking a long swig from my glass in preparation for the tirade that was about to transpire,  “Please, repeat yourself, you thought I… what was that again?” 

Charles stuttered, flashing glances at me. His face was drawn, he instinctively leaned back, away from the little man before him who was unflinchingly glaring up in his direction. He knew he’d been caught, “W-well, I just… you know what I meant…” 

“You thought I liked being talked down to and treated with disregard? Interesting. What part of my reaction gave you that impression?” Even from this distance (perhaps a foot or so across the surface of the table) I could see his blue eyes were burning. Charles failed to respond, simply sputtering instead. I knew Alexander was just loving every second of this… smart little bastard, “No, I’m curious. You’re an aspiring attorney, aren’t you? Go on, then. Defend your case.” 

Charles looked at me and I offered no solace, instead, I  simply raised an eyebrow and downed another substantial fraction of my drink. As the little man spoke, goading the much larger recipient into a debate, he stepped away from the shaker, crossing toward Charles’ end of the table. I immediately bit my lip as he left the support behind and bore weight on his still weak leg. I did my best not to intervene, holding my breath as he made a few steps forward, a painful limp evident in his gait. Despite the pain, no doubt shooting through his body, his voice never waivered. Goddamn, I was proud of him, even if he was insulting my friend left and right. He tucked a hand into his side pocket, the other resting on his chest with a poised ease, his fingers spread from his solar plexus down the length of his sternum. This little nightmare knew precisely what he was doing, and I couldn’t help but watch, “Charles, wasn’t it? Tell me, Charles, how would you like it, if–” Just then, as he took another step forward, his knee failed to bear his weight, and he buckled. 

Gasping, my hand flew toward him, offering him support with a few fingers. He fell forward into my grasp, a snarl curling his mouth as his hands spread on my fingertips. He leaned against me until he regained his balance, gripping onto the segments of my fingers to pull himself back up. My heart was in my throat, as I searched his little face for signs of pain, noticing the rhythm of his own tiny heartbeats, though they spiked for a moment, didn’t seem to be going into overdrive. Setting his shoulders, he pushed forward, against my hand, attempting to continue on his path. I hesitated, providing the slightest resistance. His brow knit and those burning irises locked with mine again, “Natalie, I’m fine. Let go.” 

He wasn’t scared. His face was flushed and his bangs were disheveled, but his eyes were steeled and determined. I pulled my hand away without hesitation, wincing internally at each furious little limping stride he took, his fists balled at his sides. 

He regarded the man before him, whose eyeline may as well have been the summit of a sizable cliff face in their proportion to each other. The little man stood fearlessly beside a tumbler full of alcohol that he could have bathed in, sucked in a clean breath and laid into the larger man, “What you fail to understand is that there is not a single cell in my body that likes my current predicament,” As he spoke, his left pointer finger sawed and jabbed the air like some sort of rhetorical blade intent on wounding his target,  “I did not ask for you to loom over me, to touch me, to condescend or pacify me. I am not your friend, I don’t know you in any familiar way, yet you see someone like me, adorable and tiny, as I believe you put it, and you immediately assume that makes me somehow less valuable as a sentient being. You think that just because you can overpower me you have every right to do so. And I concede, in the current political landscape, you are legally allowed, no… not allowed, you are, in fact, encouraged to do so. And why shouldn’t you? I exist explicitly for your entertainment, don’t I? And, in any case, what am I going to do about it, even if I don’t like it? I couldn’t possibly, out of a desire for self-preservation, consider the idea of fighting back, could I? No! No, of course not. Because, as you put it, I’m just a ‘sweet little guy’, who ‘likes it’ when you treat me like an object. Indeed, it feels about as wonderful as a letter opener lodged in your face!” 

There was a pregnant pause between all three of us, as the gravity of his words pervaded the room. Both Charles and I couldn’t help but stare ashamedly into the inky depths of our drinks. I knew I was no saint, myself, when it came to the little man. He stood now with a rod straight spine, his arms crossed tightly over his chest as his lungs heaved with the task of receiving oxygen again, his unflinching gaze trained on the avoidant eyes of his opposite. I knew I’d fucked up hundreds of times: pissed him off, disspointed him, failed him. He was so right, and it was important we shut up and listen. 

The only sound was the heater rattling away, once again. 

“... Fuck…” Charles sighed, leaning all the way back in his chair now, his head in his hands. He was full of remorse “I’m… I’m really sorry. I wasn’t… You’re right, I just jumped to… I’m sorry, Alexander.” I watched the little man who wore his every thought on his sleeve, as he took this in. He was shocked. His head cocked to the side, his brow furrowed, his lips parting just slightly from their usual tight, pensive tension. He hadn’t expected this. Not at all. He blinked rapidly, his rigid posture softening ever so slightly as he was taken off-guard. 

Charles, taking precautions not to move too suddenly, pushed his chair out and leaned on the lip of the table, his chin resting on his forearm. As he moved, Alexander took a half step back, wary and uncertain about the whole situation, still, he never cowered and his eyes showed no fear. As the larger man settled himself, he was still a good distance from the baffled little man with whom he was now almost eye level. Slowly, he offered his index finger, “I’m sorry I insulted you. Can you forgive me?” Alexander regarded the man with suspicion, his brows knitted and his lips turned down into a sort of puzzled caution. 

Still, to my utter surprise, instead of using this moment of genuine vulnerability against his opponent, the little man stepped forward in all his five and a half inches and, albeit not all that enthusiastically, took the offered digit in the palm of his hand and shook it tersely before quickly breaking away. 

Charles didn’t linger in his space for long and soon returned to an upright position, as Alexander rubbed the center of his palm with the ball of his opposite thumb. It was clear we all needed some air. 

“Hey,” Charles met my gaze as I got his attention, “Could you do us a favor and go get his cane?” He and I exchanged a knowing glance. It was clear he understood what I was really asking for, “Just… just in case…” With a terse nod, the man in the wool sweater rose and disappeared down the hall. 

As the sound of his steps faded, I turned my full attention to the five and a half inches of a little life before me. It was just us again, after what’d felt like an eternity of drama. For the first time since that knock on the door, the air seemed to come a little more freely into my lungs. I propped my head on an elbow and looked him over. I watched his little body release pent up tension, his defensive spine melting into the everyday rigidity of his usual posture. Poor thing. Did he ever really allow himself to relax? He thrust his hands into his pockets, leaning his weight on his left side. I wondered how his leg was holding up. He hadn’t strained it this much since his surgery. I wanted desperately to offer him a hand to lean on but didn’t want to patronize. I bit my lip. 

Seeming to read my mind like a book, his keen eyes flitted in my direction, “I’m fine.” Are you, though? Or are you putting on a brave face? “I can tell you want to touch me as some form of physical comfort. So, go ahead, get it over with…” he lowered his head and spread his arms, as if surrendering. 

A pang of guilt shot through me, “No, I don’t want to make you endure it. If you want me to leave you alone, I will.” 

“You’re going to pout if I don’t allow for some form of contact. So, go on, just do what you’d like, within reason…” his head had stayed lowered to the ground until his very last few words, when his icy irises flashed up at me, and I caught a glimpse of a very different kind of glow in his eyes, one that was much softer, more vulnerable. I’d opened my mouth to rebuff him again when those eyes changed everything. 

Oh. 

This was his way of asking for it. His pride would never allow him to directly request what he wanted at this moment, especially not after chastising us both for our sins of condescension. I didn’t blame him. He’d been threatened, humiliated, laughed at, and stressed out. Maybe a minute or two to rest would do a world of good for him but, of course, he couldn’t admit to wanting something from me, that would be far too weak. We couldn’t acknowledge the reality of that truth for the sake of his ego, so I played along instead, “Just for a minute, please? You tell me when you’ve had enough torture for one day and I’ll let you go.” He nodded, eyes still fixed to the ground. Although it was almost impossible to see his face, I swear I saw more color in his cheek. 

“Yes, yes, let’s get this over with.” 

I slid my hand over to him, very gently wrapping my fingers around his legs and back, pressing the ball of my thumb into his chest and torso. Even though his face stayed neutral and he hardly moved at all, I couldn’t help but notice a release of his strained muscles as he was finally able to release all the pressure off of his injury. It’s okay to get help when you’re hurting. I couldn’t keep my brows from knitting together in concern. It pained me that he tried so very hard to be strong and independent. I completely understood where the impulse came from but I hated that he was in pain and toughing it out when I was happy to help. I sat with my hand propping him up for a few moments, wanting nothing more than a closer look,  “May I pick you up?” 

“Yes, fine.” His face was a little pinker than it had been, I was sure of it. Gently, I settled him across the platform of my fingers, his right leg placed carefully along the length of my palm with his heel balanced on my wrist. The ball of my thumb remained in his lap with a looser grip as I drew him up to the level of my eyes. 

He sat there stiffly, not allowing himself the luxury of relaxing fully into my hand. I wished he’d stop being so uptight but now was not the time to fight him on it. Still, as I looked him over, I felt an immediate swell of pride expand my chest and warm my face. I didn’t realize he’d been watching me with equal attention to detail, until he spoke, “What is it, Natalie?” His voice lacked its usual defensive edge. He was genuinely asking. 

“I just think you’re absolutely incredible. You are literally the bravest, most unhinged person I know.” Did his face get a little redder? All he could manage as a response was to roll his eyes, “No, I mean it! You looked at someone over ten times your size and without hesitation were just like, ‘Yeah I can take him’. Who does that?!” The tiniest ghost of a twinge of a smirk uplifted the corner of his crooked little smile. There you are, Alexander, the real you underneath it all. “When I really think about it, I can’t even be mad at you. You are one badass little motherfucker. Don’t ever change. Okay?” I rubbed my thumb across his chest, as he begrudgingly nodded, the smirk cracking into a half smile, while he rested a hand over the bed of my thumb nail. I admit, I felt the blood in my veins pump a little faster, “We can all stand to learn a thing or two from you on how not to take other people’s bullshit.” 

“I hope you plan to take copious notes after all this.” 

“Oh, it’s a must!” 

He cleared his throat and shifted in my hand, sitting himself up a bit straighter, his gaze took a moment to land as he settled, clearly preparing to speak in greater earnest, “I suppose… I feel at least a modicum of remorse… for staining his otherwise high quality sweater.” 

I had to slap my hand over my mouth to keep from cackling out loud, “You’re such a bastard! Of course all you care about is his fashion sense!”

Alexander was smiling too, as he pressed against my thumb, emphatically gesturing to the bedroom far off to his right, “What?! It’s the only redeemable quality about him! Did you expect me to lie for the purpose of overt flattery? Have you met me?”

Just then we heard the opening of a door down the hall, as the man in question began to re-emerge. I stroked the side of the little man’s head with my thumb, as I cocked an eyebrow at him, as if to say “Do you want to be put down?” He nodded brusquely, and I did as I was asked, gently lowering him and tipping my hand so he could find his feet before letting go entirely. 

As the footsteps approached ever nearer, I leaned down and whispered so only Alexander could hear, “You know, if you wanted a sweater like that all you had to do was ask, you didn’t have to destroy his!” 

“Says the woman who still hasn’t made good on her promise to fulfill my modest suit requests.” 

“Three piece Italian suits and silk ties are not modest. Even for someone of your size! I’m saving up, alright? Get off my back!” I prodded him playfully in the chest as he batted at my fingertip. 

In a moment, Charles would be standing before us, and there would begin a new matter as we all awkwardly tried to reset and start over, each much more aware of the others’ feelings on the whole situation. But for now, it was just the little blonde devil and me and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Was it weird that I was kinda excited to watch him lose his shit at us again? Not that I had any intention of provoking him, but it wasn’t far from feasible that we’d inevitably do something to offend him. It just made me proud to watch him unapologetically stand up for himself, even if I got caught in the crossfire. Looking down at him now, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Had his opinions towards me shifted in that direction at all? Or was I a target for spite and disdain like my friend approaching the table? I didn’t think so. At least, not to the same degree. The way his eyes had softened when we were finally alone, the way he’d asked me to hold him in the most passive aggressive roundabout way possible… I thought deep down in that little stone heart of his was a warm spot for me, even if it was microscopic in size at this point. 

Maybe, just maybe, with a lot of effort I could fan that ember into something bigger. But who knew? There was only so much room in a chest the size of my finger tip. 

[sooniebby]

Which of your ocs’ would be willing to have children? How many? This leads me to another question.

What were they like as a child?

(You don’t have to answer them both lol)

Yichen — none. He was very calm and quiet. He tried heavily to be a shaman and personally saw a lot of kids die due to monsters going after them because they are so gullible. Maybe if a kid is already born and is an orphan, he’d take care of it

Kimura — none. He was a good kid but being sold into the yakuza, he learned about a lot of parents that forced their kids to do terrible things for money. He just wouldn’t want to bring children into such a world

Yubin — none. He doesn’t like children like that. Cats are his kids. He was actually a quiet kid too. He didn’t have much friends lol

Mikey — two. Kids do better with siblings or some shit. He has a big family so he always wanted his own big family. He was a very upbeat kid and loved making noises akin to a drums

Yuta — none. He was an only child and didn’t do much. He was just an average good kid. But he can’t imagine himself taking care of children

Keita — fucking hell no! He can barely take care of himself. He was a good kid and got a lot of attention from adults and kids for having such good looks.

Vincent — one or two. Cuz of his little brothers. He was very paternal to his little brothers and it made him love the idea of taking care those younger than him.

Eun Jae — none. It’s hard enough taking care of himself. He was a shy kid who felt very insecure of his looks because he was bullied heavily. He thinks the world is just too cruel to subject a child to it.

Riki — as many as possible. He was such a lonely kid as an only child. He would like children to have siblings so they can have easy friends and just someone to cry to. He was a shy kid until he grew up and got a bit bigger then people stopped bullying him.

I got so many traumatized men 💀

[0uijab0red]

Everybody on This Show Belongs in Prison:

Dong Eun is a really nice girl but it’s not acceptable to stalk people in such a way that it ruins the lives of people who never partook in bullying her to begin with. Filming Sa Ra not in her right mind is revenge porn. Destabilizing Ye Soul’s whole life whether she apologized or not is traumatic & not to be applauded & also child predation.

Yeon Jin pushed somebody off a roof rather than deal with her equally deranged stage mom. That mother is like two shreds of sanity away from the loony bin. Yeon Jin is basically the pageant kid from hell.

Yeo Jong is nuts if you’re literally one more letter away from ruining your life killing somebody go get a PO Box, forward your mail there & stop opening the fucking letters. Encouraging Dong Eun to ruin her life instead of getting her help so he can see his own issues reflected in another person is pathetic.

Hye Jeong is disgusting because her friend is an addict who just got involuntary porn taken of her & all she cares about is taking her clothes which is disgusting, it’s like she sees her as a place to shop & not a person.

Sa Ra fails to get help for her issues right up until she tries to stab her friend to death because nobody in her family ever acknowledges anything. She’s the weakest person out of the bunch emotionally.

Do Yeong might love his daughter but he’s an emotional abuser who makes Yeon Jin ten times worse by telling her all that matters is her image. The woman has an ED when she’s already the smallest adult in the cast not for her own sake but for his & not once does he apologize or tell her she doesn’t have to do that.

Jae Jun has zero regard for Ye Sol even though he claims to he’s a grown man she barely knows & he just starts following her around one day without explaining why & persists in going out of his way to make her life as chaotic as possible, attempting to alienate her from everybody she’s ever known.

I hate all of them but the kid. Not remotely sorry.

[gcldfanged]

[Continued from HERE.]

@monstersmade:

Veld breathes out, low and slow through his nose. He's not opposed to honesty - even though it was rare in this line of work - but it was always preferred on his own terms. On the other hand, he's always proud of his Turks taking advantage of a situation. "Can't it be a mix?" There's a teasing in his tone, somewhere between cruelty and actual amusement. "A gutter trash kid that I find to be quite useful? People with happy lives don't make good Turks, and Turks who have too many connections, to many people that care about them, aren't gonna last. You are... Mouldable. Shapeable. The potential was there before me, I used it to my advantage - you'd be stupid if you didn't know that already. It's not a matter of feeling sorry for you or not, I'm not a charity." "All of that is true. Also true that I care about you. That I want you safe, and strong and happy. It's supposed to be that all Turks have are each other - just because I fucked up on that doesn't mean that I don't love you. Just not enough, I guess."

Jae circles the pad of his index finger around the rim of his shot glass. He tried to steady the way his breathing made his chest rise and fall, slowing the natural responses to his own mounting frustration and self-directed anger. The insinuation managed to sting in a way he hadn’t anticipated, but the fact that Veld had even gone there to begin with gave rise to another surge of emotions he’d rather not deal with, at present. He’d managed (or so he thought) to finally let that past wound scab over, learned a hard lesson that he carried with him for the following years, only to have some vague airs of sentimentality rip it open anew- and he got the distinct impression that he was being jabbed right where it hurt most for allowing that to happen.

"Well, you of all people should know how greedy I can be- Give me an inch, I'll try to take a mile," he drawls easily enough, feigning a neutral mask of amused indifference. "I think that's actually a real thing headshrinks and vets talk about, kinda like... what's the word. Like food insecurity, but apply it to everything else."

Jae was being a little self-effacing. He'd talked big when he was a fourteen year old, snot-nosed and probably mentally impaired from one too many beatings and whatever baiju did to a child's developing braincells- Nothing good, obviously. But maybe deep down he always knew he'd never be able to fill those sizable shoes, no matter how badly he'd wanted to mold and shape himself into Verdot's shadow.

"I'm not gonna sit here and sound ungrateful and act like you weren't exactly what I needed when I needed it, but..." he trails off, unsure of what he's even digging around for. He thought he'd let that ship sail, stopped barking up that tree, now here he was feeling like a total asshole.

He tilts his head to the side, looking thoughtful while pouring out another shot for the elder man.

"If we're gonna use each other, then let's use each other. We're both consenting adults- No harm, no foul, right?"

[3raaaachachacha]

6:08 pm

Jung Yoon Oh / 477 words / angst / fluff / suggestive

93. “say you want me, and i’m yours.” & 95. “i want to taste you”

⊱ ──────────────────────── ⊰

"You just don't get it!" You scoffed as you paced yourself around the lounge room, arms crossed over your chest.

"What's there not to get, Y/N?" Jaehyun questioned, jumping up from his seat on the couch and making his way towards you.

You stopped in tracks, resting against the wall as you sighed in annoyance, your fingers carding through your messy hair, "It's not that easy, Jae. You know that."

"It is that easy, Y/N!" Jaehyun exclaimed, "You're the one that's making this situation so much harder than it needs to be! I've confessed to you, I've told you how I feel. So what's stopping us? What’s stopping you?”

You placed your hands on his chest, pushing him away as he tried to get closer to you, "You know this can change everything, especially our friendship and career if things get messy. Fuck, I'm in love with you too, you know that, but I just don't know what to do!"

Jaehyun pulled your hands away from his chest, dropping them gently to your side, "Say you want me, and I'm yours," Jaehyun grinned, one hand now firmly positioned on your waist and the other holding your cheek in a gentle manner, body flushed against yours.

You looked up into Jaehyun's eyes, loving the way your best friend looked at you. For months, you'd wished for this, but you've always tried to brush your feelings away in the worry you'd break the best friendship you could have asked for and his idol career. Tonight, however, Jaehyun confessed since he was so tired of beating around the bushes, especially when he saw you lounging on the couch after a shitty day, he just wanted to hold and kiss you.

Jaehyun leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours. Your breathing both warm and heavy against one another the moment his nose touches yours. You want this, you want this so bad, but was it worth it?

"I want to taste you," Jaehyun whispered as he leaned forward, lips inches away from yours, "So bad."

"Then do it," You mumbled softly with a sigh, "Just kiss me, make me yours and tell me what I'm doing is right."

Jaehyun was a man of his words, he leaned forward and captured your lips in a passionate kiss, slipping his tongue in when he saw that you reciprocating and only pulling away when the two of you were out of breath.

"Trust me when I say we are doing nothing wrong," He cooed, hand caressing your cheek and wiping away the stray tear that fell, "We're just two young adults, learning to love and live our lives. We've got this, because we've got each other to rely on when things get tough."

"Thank you," You mumbled shyly, hiding your face in his chest, "For making me realize what I want is important too.”

⊱ ──────────────────────── ⊰

- Admin 🌶️

[blue-broken-heart]

19+ !Valentines Day is For Liars and Wh*res!- Jaehyun Jong X Fem Reader 19+

Summary

A valentines hook up with an infamous playboy who saved you from a case of date rape-- remember doods,doodettes and doodles cover your drink with your hand if your not looking at it and never take anything from people you do not know. Anyways this part is just the smut -> - <-

Read the full thing here; https://archiveofourown.org/works/36894319 Okayokay its really just a Jaehyun series on AO3 but I'll switch up the names here ig...?

This Jae;

This vybe;

Triggers:(moderately soft and fluffy tbh) Oral(M and F rec), Vaginal Fingering, Overstimulation, Cursing, ahhh~ and Penetrative Sex< if it wasn't clear before...

!This Is A Work Of Fiction! !This Is A Work Of Fiction! !This Is A Work Of Fiction! !This is A Work Of Fiction!

It wasn't that you didn't want Jae.

You did. You really, really did.

But it felt sort of wrong. Like you were being foolish or acting like a love-struck teenager instead of a levelheaded woman who carefully measured all aspects of her life. You were jumping way too fast for someone typically so logical, someone who was usually scared to jump in the first place in regard to anything heart-related. You weighed out the pros and cons. Sometimes, you'd make a list before agreeing to go on a first date. When the doors opened, Jae pulled you inside and pressed his body against yours before asking you how you liked it, his eyes watching yours with intent. He pushed the button, his focus still on you like you were his prey and he was your predator. You had nowhere to go.

“I can see your mind racing sweetheart,” His breath skirted across you lips, and you forced your eyes to stay open instead of closing the way they wanted to.

“It's irritating,” You complained.

“Listen to me carefully,” he started to say, and you stared at his mouth, memorizing the fullness of his lips. “I can tell you don't typically hook up with strange men.”

You tried to stifle a laugh but failed.

"It's okay to want me the same way I want you.” He ran his hand down the length of your arm, causing goosebumps to rise. "It's okay to be attracted to me, to give in to what we have between us. We aren't doing anything wrong. We're two consenting single adults.”

“I know that,” You argued but was still a little uncertain.

"Do you? 'Cause I'm not sure you do.”

You are a grown-ass woman, for God's sake, and it was your body. You could do whatever you chose to with it. You just never had before. You'd always been in long-term relationships, and you'd never cheated or strayed.

“I've never had a one-night stand," You admitted, almost feeling like you'd missed some unwritten rite of passage in life.

"Neither have I,” he said with a smirk.

“Liar," You countered, and he laughed.

"You're right. That was a lie. But I don't run around the country, doing this kind of thing either. It's happened once or twice, but I don't make a habit out of sleeping with random women,” he explained. Liar. He was a fucking liar and you were eating those lies right out of his palm.

Before he'd started talking about it, you hadn't even considered it.

You were one of hundreds of women.

This was all some kind of charming act just to have sex with you.

I mean-- he was well known for not being able to settle. He was a hot fuck and a even hotter man. Could you put your baggage onto him in detail? Ha! You scoff in your head, Jae Jong would never settle for a nobody editor for some shitty high school textbook like you.

“What's wrong?” he asked as you ignored his hand and walked out on my own.

“Everything okay?” Jae asked, and you almost jumped, forgetting that he was there.

“Well all I can think of is how many V’s your P has been in now,” You say with the knowledge that almost surely he bent your friend over earlier.

His head cocked back. “How many what my what?”

You waved him off as you started toward the room. Even with all the mixed signals you were throwing out, you were still currently leading him right to where his bed was located.

“How many vaginas you've been inside. You have me thinking this is a bad idea. And that I'm probably, like, number one thousand or something and ..."

Your body stopped moving forward with the force of his arm on yours, holding you back.

“You are not number one thousand. Or even one hundred. I'm not that type of guy,” he said before gripping your neck and kissing you.

Once he pulled away from your lips, he continued talking, "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Don't get me wrong; I want to savor every fucking inch of your spectacular body. But I understand if you're not ready to be consumed.”

What in the ever-loving hell kind of fucking speech was that?

Your mind was a contradicting, jumbled mess. The devil on your shoulder wanted nothing more than to get tangled up in the sheets with Jae while the angel chastised that this was happening at warp speed and maybe you should slow down. Flicking the angel right off, hoping she fell and broke a leg.

He kissed you again. His hands fisted in your hair, and you swore you felt a switch inside your brain flip off. You stopped caring about how many times he'd done this before or if it was the right thing to do or not. All you knew was that you wanted this man inside you, and you were damn well going to enjoy every moment.

“Get in here,” You demanded and Jae was all over you, his fingertips grazing your jaw, his eyes devouring you as if they could taste you just by looking.

“I can't get enough of you,” he whispered, but it sounded strained, forced almost, and it was sexy as hell.

“That makes two of us,” You said as you reached for his pants and started unzipping them. Gripping the hem of his pants and his boxer briefs, you pulled them both down as you dropped to your knees and inspected the length of him before taking him in your fist. Your eyes rolled in the back of your head at his soft, warm skin in your hand. I took him in your mouth before he could stop you, complain, or say a single word.

Jae’s moans filled the room. He stood perfectly still, not thrusting or forcing himself any deeper inside you, and you loved that he allowed you to have all the control. You focused on sucking him off with the right amount of suction while moving your hand up and down at the base of his balls. He moaned again, louder this time, and you knew he liked what you were doing to him.

It felt powerful, having him in your control like this. Maybe it should have felt the opposite, considering the fact that you was the one on their knees, but you knew that as long as he was in your mouth, you held all the cards. You liked the way it felt.

“____+” His voice strangled out of him, and you stopped sucking with a pop.

Strong hands reached for your shoulders and pulled you to your feet.

“You can't keep doing that.”

You didn't ask him to explain or tell you more. you knew what he meant. He leaned down and pulled his boxers back in place, which was a damn shame, before his fingertips tilted your chin upward to look at him. His eyes were unreadable as he planted a kiss against your lips. It was softer than you knew how to interpret, almost loving, and you tossed that thought right back out of your head as quickly as it had entered.

"Can I turn on the fire?” he asked, moving toward the gas fireplace in the corner of the room.

"Yeah.”

You watched as he flipped the switch on the wall, and the fire came to life with a small roar. The mood had already been set, but this definitely added to it.

“On the bed.” Jae's tone of voice surprised you, and you shot him a look.

"You heard me, ___+.”

“Fuck-,” You said but then promptly did what you had been told.

As you sat on the edge of the bed, still fully robed, Jae stalked toward you before doing exactly what you had done a few minutes earlier—he dropped to his knees to worship you.

“My turn.” He winked before reaching for the bottom of your robe and shoving it upward.

Those deep eyes took every inch of you in appreciatively, his breath catching as more and more of your legs were revealed. You'd never felt so sexy before in your entire life.

You thought about saying something teasing, but his head divided between your legs and his fingers pulled your panties to the side and you couldn't say anything at all, let alone think. The second his tongue licked you.

You short-circuited, completely lost in the moment. It felt so good. Your body fell backward onto the bed, back arching as your breathing became erratic. Fisting his hair, you pulled at it before moving to his ears and doing the same, wanting more of what he was giving. Clawing fresh marks into his skin.

Everything Jae did was so pleasure-filled; you really thought you might die from it.

“You're so good at this,” You said with a shaky breath, and he stopped for a moment to look at you. You almost killed him–

“Oh my God, don't stop,” You whined, and he gave you a smirk before diving back down and finishing the job. Body was racked with ecstasy, coming down from the high he'd given when he finally rose back to his feet.

He reached out a hand to you, and you took it. Pulling you to stand, he spun you around until your back was facing him, and he reached for the zipper on your dress and tugged it all the way down. You stepped out of it, wearing nothing but the matching bra and panty set Nika'd picked out earlier.

Jae made short work of his clothes, tossing everything into a pile on the floor, except for his charcoal-grey boxer briefs. That man's body was a sight to behold, chiselled and filled out in all the right places.

“Like what you see?” He gave you a slight nod, and you laughed.

“Fucking right I do.” Your eyes practically bulged out of your head, “I love what I see.”

Jae stepped toward you, one arm reaching for your waist. He pulled you against him and unhooked your bra and dropped it to the floor before you even realized he'd done it. He went to work on your thong next, looping his fingers around the flimsy material and tugging it down until you kicked it off completely. He did the same with his boxer briefs before directing you back onto the bed.

You had no idea what you expected sex with Jae to be like, but slow, basic, or gentle definitely wasn't it. For some reason, you'd always figured that a one-night stand would be more like tossing each other into walls, breaking pictures from knocking them over, resulting in bruises you couldn't remember getting.

But Jae entered you like he'd never get the chance to do it again. He took his time, his fingers tracing the curves of your body, and by the time he was finished, not a single cell on you had been left untouched.

He worshipped you in ways you hadn't even known were possible, made you feel things sexually you'd only ever read about.

And when you showered together, he fucked you again, this time from behind, pounding into you so hard that you thought you might break something.

His fingers left marks on your thighs. Your hips were sore from his grip. And if you had to do this night all over again, you'd say yes ten times out of ten.

JaeHyun Jong was the best sex you'd ever had.

You woke up the next morning, sore in all the right places, body exhausted in the best of ways. When you rolled over, you noticed the bed was empty. Relief and disappointment battled for you top feeling as you touched his pillow, noting that it was cold. You'd allowed yourself to get caught up in the moment last night, and you'd enjoyed every second of it, but the harsh light of a new day had a way of erasing all that. It reminded you that you had just ended a three-year relationship and should be in some state of mourning, not in bed with someone else.

The switch that had shut off in your mind had definitely been turned back on.

Sitting up, you tucked the covers under your arms and ran a hand through your hair just as a knock on the door startled you. It started to open, and you almost screamed that you were inside and naked, but Jae's head appeared instead.

He waved as he walked through the door, balancing a bag and a crate of coffees. He hadn't left you during the middle of the night, like you'd thought. wait-- this was his place.

You knew there was no point to his kind gestures. You'd never see each other again. But maybe that was what made it all so easy—no expectations. Jae seemed perfect because he only had to maintain the illusion for a few days, not a lifetime, like real relationships.

He set up the food and coffee on a tray and placed it on top of the bed before settling back in next to you.

“You're a god,” You said as you reached for the coffee and took a large sip. There was nothing more awful than burning your mouth.

“I've heard worse.” He sipped his own drink before taking a muffin and tearing at it, handing half to you. “So, ___+, is this how you imagined spending your night out?”

You almost choked. “Um, no. I definitely didn't plan on meeting anyone-.”

“Is that a good or bad thing?” Jae was fishing for a compliment. Or maybe he was simply trying to read your emotions, but you wasn't giving in.

“Still deciding,” you teased.

"Harsh.” He smirked, sliding you a card. A pretty black card with a neon green ‘N’ on it, “Well, Ms ___+ Would you like to be my girl?”

“What number would I be?” You mused, taking up the bank card. Huh? You never thought Yul and Yuk’s birthday would turn out with you getting the gift Nika’s always wanted.

“Depends on how fast you can get here.” Jae shrugged, “Staying the night only happens once. If you do come over you need to be gone by sunrise.”

“How bout this Mr. PlayBoy,” You tap the edge of the card to your cheek thinking, “You come when I call, and I’ll mind my own business?”

“Wh-”

“Don’t worry there’s benefits,” You slide the card back, “I’m not a whore. And even less your whore.”

.

.

.

... .. . I understand if you wanna yell at me after reading this....I'll take a scenario or request to make up for it <3 Requests; Normal: https://blue-broken-heart.tumblr.com/ask Anon: https://blue-broken-heart.tumblr.com/submit Short bits welcomed too~ I won't drag it out like these dw-

[mangodelorean]

Bad and Crazy – Episode 09 recap/musings

Where we left off: Su Yeol logs into a dark web chat site using Young Joo's credentials. He's instantly invited to chat by "X", who tells him they'll meet soon... and addresses Su Yeol by his birth name: Jae Hui.

A sudden migraine pulls him back into Hallway of the Id. He runs to the only exit point: a door marked 1002, which Su Yeol connects with October 2, the date that Young Joo killed herself.

Su Yeol opens the door and is once again greeted with his childhood room, only it's a little different this time. As a ska song plays [K's infamous Kungtari Shabara], Su Yeol sees Young Joo in a yellow raincoat, standing over the body of Su Yeol's father. Cut to Su Yeol, then back to the yellow raincoat, but it's now young Su Yeol, covered in blood, a blank expression on his face. The music, the lighting, his surroundings – all of it warps around the adult Su Yeol as he struggles to reckon with what he's seeing.

Su Yeol: No... No... That can't be... Why would I kill my father? No! It wasn't me...!

He collapses and stumbles away – out of the memory, out of the hallway, out of the dream.

Intercut with his drive home, Su Yeol looks up media records of his father's death and discovers that he was stabbed, and that Su Yeol was found in a yellow raincoat, in shock. But he recalls Mama Ryu telling him that the fire had killed his father. Su Yeol tries calling her, but she doesn't pick up.

She's not at home either, so he tries calling her again, only to find her phone in her nightstand drawer – along with medications and some neurosurgery paperwork. He rushes to wake an unaware Dong Yeol, and the pair split up to look for her. Dong Yeol finds her outside their old shop, barefoot and confused, and calls Su Yeol to tell him.

Back home, the boys tuck their mother into bed. Dong Yeol starts to run her a bath, then leaves to make her a drink. Su Yeol asks her why she didn't tell him about her Alzheimer's. She tells him not to worry and that he should have fucked off to a new place by now:

Mama Ryu: You should have moved out when I told you. You wouldn't have seen me like this, then. Don't you worry about me. You just live your own life. Find a house for yourself, now.

[pause]

Su Yeol: Is that why you were pestering me to move out? Is that why you've been telling me to move out? Since I'm a selfish jerk, you wanted me to live my life, not knowing about your condition? Is that why?

Mama Ryu: I want to stop...holding you back.

Su Yeol: What?

Mama Ryu: You've done enough for me. I didn't bring you here to give you so much trouble. I couldn't do anything as your mother. You were such a smart boy; you couldn't even go to college.

[Su Yeol sighs].

Mama Ryu: Anyway, I don't want to be a burden to you anymore, so there's that.

Su Yeol: [in disbelief] Eomma...

Mama Ryu: I saved up money. I already looked into a nursing home. So don't even think about taking my burden. Don't.

[beat]

Su Yeol: [tearful] You were never a burden. Not even once. You didn't even know who I was, but you took me in and raised me.

Holding back tears, Su Yeol tells her to rest. In the bathroom, he shuts off the bath tap water [It's been running this whole time?] and sighs.

Next morning, Su Yeol finds Mama Ryu at the kitchen table. She tells him that, while she still has her memories, he should ask her anything he wants to know about his childhood.

He asks her if she was scared, given that he could have killed his own father. She's taken aback by the question and, through sobs, he asks her if he really did kill him.

We see Mama Ryu's first memory of him: dazed, barefoot, covered in blood, slumped against a wall, with Dong Yeol calling to her for help. At home, she cleans him up while a worried Dong Yeol looks on. Her narration states that Su Yeol slept for 2 days straight. She gives him food; he says he doesn't remember what happened. He tells her his name and they go to his house, but it's burnt down. The cops can't believe he didn't know this or that his father was dead. They tell him they know he was beaten, and ask him where he was – and Mama Ryu steps in to say he was with her. As she asks the cops to stop scaring him, Su Yeol collapses, and Mama Ryu's narration tells us that his "fever lasted a week".

Back in the present, Mama Ryu tells Su Yeol that she was going to tell him everything once he regained his memories, since a doctor told her that that might happen. Su Yeol wonders again if he didn't kill his father, but Mama Ryu shoots him down: "You think the cops are stupid? Then they would have arrested you." Su Yeol goes tearfully into cop mode, saying that the fire could have destroyed any evidence, but Mama Ryu isn't having any of this:

Mama Ryu: Ryu Su Yeol. Look at me.

[He does.]

Mama Ryu: I'm going to start losing my memories, and I might say things that don't make sense.

[pause]

Mama Ryu: [bittersweet] I might look at you and ask who you are. So listen to me carefully: All those years ago, you were a boy who ran away to save his own life. That was the boy I met back then. Ryu Su Yeol – who has been my son for over 20 years – grew up to be the man I knew he was all those years ago. And I still believe in you.

[beat]

Mama Ryu: So you should, too. Get yourself together, and protect yourself. So will I.

[Excuse me while I sob without abandon.]

Elsewhere, Gyeong Tae meets Sim Jeong Hun [the shelter kid who found the stabbed therapist] outside his part-time job. He notices the kid has bruises on his neck. The kid tells Gyeong Tae he already told him everything he knows: that he couldn't sleep that night so he went to grab a basketball, then saw Young Joo in the hallway, then saw the therapist on the floor of his office, and then called the emergency services. Gyeong Tae notes that he seemed calm despite everything that happened, then clocks the wounds on the kid's hands, and asks why he didn't report whoever did it. The kid says it wasn't serious enough and heads into work, but Gyeong Tae doesn't look convinced.

Su Yeol spots a cutely waving K outside his house and impatiently beckons him over. When the puppy K won't obey, Su Yeol chases after him, which just makes K run faster. Su Yeol, naturally, trips over some steps and goes flying, serving up more rolls than a fat baby sharpei. Su Yeol groans on the ground, feigning injury; K runs back to help but Su Yeol grabs him and slams him into a wall [sneaky bastard], demanding to know what he remembers about his childhood. But our fun moment is over: A rattled K said he was scared... that he might have killed Su Yeol's father.

At Doctor Heart Mender's [Where else?], K is adorably slumped in a chair. Doc is about to report the murder to the police but Su Yeol grabs his phone; K threatens to kill himself as penance but Su Yeol tells everyone to calm their tits and says that if he really thought he was a killer, he'd have turned himself in. He asks Doc why the sudden memory recall, and why K is so shaken up. Doc asks about the other doors in Hallway of the Id; Su Yeol isn't sure and asks if K had tried opening them, but K robotically says he doesn't want to do that as he bangs his head against a bookshelf.

Su Yeol recalls the October 2 date and wonders what it might be, since it wasn't until October 23 that his father died. Doc posits that maybe the memory he has wasn't entirely accurate – but that might only be because the real memory was unbearable.

At the station, Hui Gyeom passes Su Yeol a coffee and asks him why he's digging up a case from 20 years ago. He says it's his only lead on whoever was controlling Young Joo. Hui Gyeom guesses that there's more that he can't say, and grabs a stack of files to start working through. He thanks her. Hui Gyeom: "Then buy me dinner. I'm always hungry." Ha/Aww.

Su Yeol leafs through the file of said 20-year-old case: the murder of Jeong Gang Jae, a drug dealer. His son Yun Ho had been the prime suspect, but someone else, Seong Bok Jun, was arrested. Bok Jun originally denied involvement, but then a knife was found... alongside a yellow raincoat.

The next day, Su Yeol meets Bok Jun, who now works as a barber. Su Yeol asks why he stopped his conviction appeal back then when he originally kept insisting he was innocent, to which Bok Jun replies that he just randomly remembered it all. He tells Su Yeol the story in such detail – names, times, even the costs of the raincoat and the knife – that Su Yeol can't believe he remembers it this vividly after so many years.

Outside, Su Yeol tells Hui Gyeom over the phone that Bok Jun's story sounded like a recitation. Hui Gyeom says she's meeting the lawyer who worked on the case and tells him she'll check in if she finds anything. K pulls up on a bicycle, offering his hero skills to retrieve their memories, this time without fear.

Cut to: the pair of them tandem cycling through a dirt road flanked by weeds in Su Yeol's old neighbourhood as he complains about K being a literal pain in his arse: "I already have two buttocks; they'll turn into four at this rate!" [I didn't need to picture this.] K perseveres, citing the bicycle part of Su Yeol's nightmare and that they need to try to reactivate his memories. Su Yeol continues to update K on the state of his hindquarters, so K moves onto "stage 2": aggressive singing (of, of course, Kungtari Shabara) and eschewing the use of brakes for an unplanned self-yeet into the reservoir. Pfft.

In a moment of seriousness, K asks Su Yeol if he's been here before.

Hui Gyeom meets the aforementioned lawyer, who recalls that Bok Jun received letters from the same person for over a decade while incarcerated.

There's nobody at Bok Jun's barbershop, but K wanders in and starts poking around. Su Yeol tries to stop him, but K soon finds what they're looking for – a box of letters. Su Yeol flips through them and finds they were all from the victim's son, Yun Ho – and that one of them is verbatim the story Bok Jun told Su Yeol earlier. In fact, every letter is that story.

Bok Jun returns to find Su Yeol holding one of the letters, and asking if he remembers what really happened. Bok Jun reiterates that he committed the murder and shoves Su Yeol against a wall, but Su Yeol presses that someone else took advantage of his then-drug-induced state. Bok Jun starts to doubt himself but then reacts violently, throwing Su Yeol to the floor and then trying to drown him. K micro-manifests to bring up a memory of the younger Su Yeol, in the same reservoir they biked into earlier, with a boy of his age - Yun Ho. There's a brief memory of the two of them outside the children's shelter before he manages to free himself from the drowning.

A tearful Bok Jun asks him what's going on, and begs to be told that he really killed Gang Jae, but Su Yeol can't shake off this memory of Yun Ho.

Later that night at the station, Su Yeol chats again with X, who confirms himself to be Yun Ho:

Su Yeol: What did you do to me? What happened?

X: That's for you to find out, Jae Hui. No need to rush, though. Soon, you'll find out that what we share is very special.

A flashback: Su Yeol and Yun Ho outside the children's shelter, where the latter warns the former that, if they have to leave here, they'll have to go back to "that miserable place":

Yun Ho: This misery will never end for both of us until they disappear for good.

Doctor Heart Mender answers a middle-of-the-night knocking: It's Su Yeol. No, wait: He's in biker leathers. Doc recognises him as K.

Inside, Doc confirms that K remembered his own first memory. K won't say how it happened, but he's worried that this, too, might be a false memory. Doc says that may be true, but how he felt about the memory would have been genuine, regardless of what actually happened. K tells him that what he was feeling were feelings of murder.

Next day at the shelter, Su Yeol and Doctor McFlirtypants go through Su Yeol (as Jae Hui)'s treatment records. He was admitted on May 21 1999, and says it's the same day he met Yun Ho (Hallway of the Id flashcut: a door marked 521). His file has multiple photos of the two boys posing with smiles.

On the rooftop, Su Yeol spots a girl who looks like she's about to jump, and calls out to stop her. She hurries back downstairs without a word.

Elsewhere, Gyeong Tae climbs Strangers From Hell-steepness steps with a social worker to see Jeong Hun. The social worker reveals that the kid only has his ex-convict brother to rely on. They ring the doorbell but, upon hearing no reply, tiptoe inside – only to find Jeong Hun's brother's dead body, and a catatonic Jeong Hun sitting next to him.

In the police station's interview room, Jeong Hun recalls approaching his brother with a frying pan, and his brother laughing at him. Su Yeol asks him why Jeong Hun just sat there instead of calling for help. Jeong Hun replies he was just seeing if his brother was really dead. Su Yeol asks if he did it, if it was an accident, but Jeong Hun says that it doesn't matter because "the misery" is over now.

Gyeong Tae interrupts to tell Su Yeol outside that Jeong Hun has an alibi: He was pilfering from his work's cash register at the time of the murder. Frustrated, Su Yeol goes back inside to ask Jeong Hun what happened, but the kid just reiterates that it's good his brother is dead and asks if he can leave. On his way out, Su Yeol clocks the "misery" talk comparison and asks if he personally knows Young Joo, if someone else is involved, and that he can help. At this last point, Jeong Hun scoffs, and says that whoever killed his brother was the one who actually helped.

As Su Yeol watches Jeong Hun leave, he recalls again the "misery" talk - first Yun Ho outside the shelter, then Young Joo at the hospital, and now Jeong Hun. [Maybe the shelter needs a thesaurus.] Gyeong Tae skips up to tell Su Yeol that Jeong Hun knew about the CCTV in the restaurant, leading Su Yeol to deduce that Jeong Hun deliberately let himself be caught on camera to give himself an alibi. Su Yeol thinks out loud that "it's starting all over again".

Later, Gyeong Tae is tailing Jeong Hun with Jae Seon, who tells him to act more natural when he's tailing someone. It's Gyeong Tae's first time. Aww. Jae Seon tries to demonstrate blending in as a passer-by rather than skulking behind shrubbery, and has a eureka moment: If he buys ice cream for them both, it'll look more natural. Pfft.

Inside the ice cream shop, the cashier immediately recognises him as the detective who interviewed her previously [she's the jokbal girl who saw Su Yeol yeet himself off Gyeong Tae's Inferno's roof] and figures out he's tailing someone. Ha. Jeong Hun approaches Gyeong Tae to ask if he's following him, but Gyeong Tae attempts a distraction/deflection by pretending to arrest Jae Seon.

Next morning, Hui Gyeom and Jae Seon compare notes while Gyeong Tae applies pain patches and apologies. Su Yeol combs through some nighttime CCTV of Jeong Hun's home and finds the suicidal-looking girl from the shelter rooftop earlier.

On the shelter building rooftop, Gyeong Tae talks deets with Su Yeol: The girl's name is Gi So Yeon, a 23-year-old social studies student who's been volunteering at the shelter since she was in high school. The pair look down from the girl's viewpoint the other day, and Gyeong Tae points out a grate. They uncover it to find a hammer, gloves and a bloodied yellow raincoat, meaning she hadn't been looking to jump – she was just looking at where she'd stashed evidence. Su Yeol tells Gyeong Tae to follow up with forensics and to tell Jae Seon to track down So Yeon.

But when Jae Seon arrives at So Yeon's place, he finds her bruised and battered body being rushed to hospital. He meets Su Yeol in the ER, and tells him that So Yeon is in surgery, and that whatever attack she suffered has likely happened before. He adds that there's nothing that links her to Jeong Hun even though she was volunteering at his shelter.

Gyeong Tae tells Su Yeol that the blood on the hammer is Jeong Hun's brother's, and that So Yeon's DNA was on the gloves. Gyeong Tae shows Su Yeol a photo of So Yeon's ex Park Seong Gwan, an escort who developed such a strong obsession with So Yeon that she had to move to get away from him multiple times, and that she had already reported him twice for assault. They think he's the likely suspect for her injury, but Gyeong Tae points out that Seong Gwan and Jeong Hun had been spotted in the same places.

Gyeong Tae: Do you think it's a coincidence?

Su Yeol: No. There's no way this is a coincidence. Jeong Hun was after Park Seong Gwan. And Park Seong Gwan was harrassing Gi So Yeon.

And that's when it hits: Jeong Hun and So Yeon had exchanged murders, with each one crafting their own alibi. Su Yeol rushes off to find Seong Gwan, who he now realises to be in danger.

We find him on his way out of his building, where Jeong Hun attempts to brain him with a metal rod, but fails. The two fight, and Su Yeol intervenes, but Seong Gwan's not terribly grateful and swings at Su Yeol with the rod (but fails). Jeong Hun waves a knife at Su Yeol, who tries to calm him down:

Su Yeol: You shouldn't do this. This won't solve anything!

Jeong Hun: Then what is the solution? Who will save her? Who will end her misery?

Su Yeol: I'll help her, okay? Let me help. I'll help you guys, so—

But Seong Gwan takes this opportunity to leg it, making Jeong Hun give chase. The latter pins the former against a railing and is about to stab him but Su Yeol pushes him out of the way. Seong Gwan makes a run for it, unscathed. Su Yeol looks at Jeong Hun and sees an image of himself in the bloodstained yellow raincoat, only it's now Yun Ho. And then, another memory:

It's raining, and Young Su Yeol watches as a man's dead body is being carried out on a stretcher. Its hand falls to reveal a thick gold ring. Behind Su Yeol is Yu Ho in a yellow raincoat: "Thank you. You killed my father for me. Wait just a little longer. I'll save you too, very soon."

In the present, Su Yeol snaps out of it, and he and Jeong Hun are staring tearfully and fearfully at each other. Su Yeol looks down at his hand: It's bloodied. He's been stabbed in his side. Jeong Hun drops the knife and runs away in terror. Su Yeol collapses against the railing, and now he's back in Hallway of the Id, only all the lights are red. Door 1002 flings open to show Yun Ho, clad in a yellow raincoat, stabbing Su Yeol's father to death as Kungtari Shabara plays on a tape player.

Suddenly, K manifests:

K: Su Yeol, are you going to stay lost in this maze forever?

Su Yeol: No. I don't know how I suddenly ended up here.

K: Don't you remember? You got stabbed.

Su Yeol: Stabbed? Right, yes... I did.

[pause]

Su Yeol: Jeong Yun Ho. He killed my father. I remembered everything. I didn't kill him.

K: [distant] You're right. It wasn't you.

Su Yeol: [bright] So you remembered it, too?

K: Yes. It was Jeong Yun Ho, that scumbag. He killed your father.

Su Yeol: [smiling] Let's go. Let's go catch Jeong Yun Ho.

[Su Yeol walks ahead.]

K: But... What about me? Do you not remember my part of the story?

Su Yeol stops and asks what he means by that, and we cut back to K, who suddenly has blood spatter all over his face and is holding a knife.

K: This is the first memory I have of myself. I... killed someone.

Su Yeol looks back in a mix of horror and confusion but, before we can go any further, it's already the end of the goddamned episode.

-------------------------------------------------------

Oh hell, what a cliffhanger to leave us with, especially given the schedule changes making it so that we only had the one episode this week. Three-quarters down, and only three episodes left, so we're heading into the final run, now.

So we now know that X is Yun Ho, but we don't know who Yun Ho is now, other than the fact that he started the new cycle of murder-swaps in present-day. Unless we get told otherwise, I'm assuming that the original murder-swap, between Yun Ho and Su Yeol, was the very first time, and that nobody else was gaslighting either of them into doing it. But who is Yun Ho now, in present day?

Given the absolute lampshading on gaslighting, I'm starting to think that everyone we've seen so far is just a red herring, because Su Yeol, K and Doctor Heart Mender have conspired to remind us that the show has multiple tiers of unreliable narrators, so any theorising I might want to do would feel like a jellyfish trying to slide down the banisters of a fucking Penrose staircase. I still don't trust the therapist but nobody is jumping out at me. Frankly, it could just as easily be Jae Seon at this point.

[Edit post-ep10: should have trusted my first instinct]

I'm curious about whether we'll get any more of Su Yeol's memories of the shelter. Su Yeol's shelter record says he was admitted on May 21, 1999, but Su Yeol tells Ju Hyeok that that was the day he and Yun Ho first met. In his memory outside the shelter, Yun Ho references the previous "miserable" place they were both at, so this means they met for the first time mere minutes after the flashback at Yun Ho's dad's murder scene, then they both went straight to the children's shelter. This also means that, if Yun Ho really did kill Su Yeol's father, this was 6 months and 2 days after they first met/were admitted to the shelter together. This is the 6 months that Su Yeol says he can't remember any of.

Speaking of memories, the scenes with Su Yeol and his mother broke my cold, dead heart. Su Yeol is becoming more of a non-dickhead again (I did say his re-humanning would have to come from being around the people who care about him the most), but Mama Ryu is precious and so is his love for her, and hers for him. I'm really happy we got to have those moving, bittersweet moments in an episode that took some very dark turns.

Which begs the question(s): Did Su Yeol actually did commit murder in his youth? Is this a false memory that Doc mentioned? Or is the show going to take the novel risk of revealing the protagonist to be a killer [although, yes, under gaslighting]? Have we ever had a kdrama with this kind of character backstory revelation? Would viewers be put off sympathising with Su Yeol if it turns out he'd killed someone? [They shouldn't, imo.] Or is it less of a blow if it turns out to have been K?

K mentioned "wanting" to kill someone, and then later confirming that he thinks he really did. But, again, how does this square up in the "reality vs feeling" standoff that Doc mentioned earlier – as in, what's real vs. what feels real? Was K borne entirely from violence, from the act of killing someone? Is it from when Su Yeol supposedly killed Yun Ho's father? Or before that, when he felt like "wanting" to kill someone? Was that someone his own father? And is there any significance to K manifesting as an adult? And what actually happened on October 2?

Clearly, I have more questions than I have answers.

Stray thoughts:

Remember when Kungtari Shabara was a happy song? Well, fuck you!

Bit disappointed in Dong Yeol for being so short-tempered/tactless with Mama Ryu when he found her, but I know, I know he's just very, very scared for her, and that this is how some people show that worry when something this devastating is happening to someone they so deeply care about.

Mama Ryu to Su Yeol: "Why are you making a fuss?"[/Worry about yourself, not me/others] Well, now we see where Su Yeol gets that from. He's been saying variations of that to Gyeong Tae and Hui Gyeom up until this point.

In the morning kitchen scene, Su Yeol and Mama Ryu's clothing look the same colour.

There are 3 chairs at the kitchen table, which looks like a 2-seater at best. Normally dining chairs/sets come in multiples of 2. Did they add a third when Su Yeol moved in?

Mama Ryu's tough tone with Su Yeol is so very much out of love and so very illuminating of how she raised him.

K is just a puppy throughout this episode.

Su Yeol's dad's date of death: October 23.

I enjoy the fact that Hui Gyeom and Su Yeol are just working together. Neither one is bringing up the kiss (although how much of that might also be due to mutual stubbornness?) – they have work to do, and work they're both good at, damnit.

If the horror movie IT didn't already ruin them, nobody is ever going to wear a yellow raincoat again.

Hang on: Is X an immortal, murderous clown? Is Pennywise behind all of this? Is Yun Ho really from Derry, Maine, USA?

I'm trying to picture how Su Yeol is actually riding that bike in actuality. What was his arse perched on? A mudflap? I guess his legs are long enough to reach the pedals from there...?

Jeong Yun Ho's address: Gojin-dong 7-32, Gojin-gu, Munyang.

It's Yun Ho's idea to go to the shelter.

LDW's spot-on impersonisation of WHJ's quiet stare.

Munyang station has a separate type of interview room for women and children? That's...unusual.

The parallel/murder-swap is already established, but I'm noting these similarities anyway: Young Su Yeol asking the cop "Is he really dead?" about his father and, in the present, Jeong Hun asking Su Yeol "Is he really dead?" about his brother.

Gyeong Tae shoving things into Jae Seon's mouth is fast-becoming one of my favourite running gags.

Su Yeol said he saw the rooftop girl "a few hours" after Jeong Hun's brother died. He was on the rooftop right after visiting the therapist. The CCTV of Jeong Hun stealing from his work was just after 3:30 am, so I guess that means Su Yeol went to visit Doctor McFlirtypants very, very early?

Is there a parallel to be made with Su Yeol regaining his memories while Mama Ryu starts to lose hers?

Between Jeong Hun scoffing at suggestions to report his abuse, the social worker's admission of case overload, and So Yeon reporting her ex twice for assault, there's something to be said about the systemic failures of support and authority systems to protect those in their care. So it's no wonder why it seems like these kids feel like they have no choice but to take matters into their own hands – especially under the direction of whoever's been gaslighting them.

Speaking of vulnerable people in need of protection and support: I hope little In Seon is doing well.

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

Book II, Part 2: Prodigal Man

"Jae.."

Shit. You didn't think you'd ever see him again. Standing there like a ghost is the man so terribly pretty it's made him ugly. So smooth and nasty, women have ruined themselves emotionally because of him. It makes you ill to think of all that wasted face, body, and good dick being carted about by an adult fuckboi with the emotional range of a plastic duck. It nearly makes you want to scream, you can't catch a break with a normal guy.

A white gold chain peaks through his half-open black button down that's tucked into cuffed black pants over black velvet St. Laurent loafers. You could tell designers on sight and he wore his mostly on his feet.. like you. A red bag hides behind his legs.

"What's that?"

"Jae.. We gotta talk."

"No we don't.."

He blocks your door and you meet his eye.

"I personally have nothing to say to you."

"Right," he nods not taking a word seriously. "I got money to spend and word on the street, you still searching for someone to scratch that itch."

"Move from my door."

He does step aside and you struggle with your key as you feel his eyes on you.

"You look nice," he says as you let yourself in. "Keep trying, Jae. You won't find a replacement, I'll tell you that," he says as you shut the door. He might be right for now but you can continue to try. "You can't stay mad when you knew what it was.

Watch me.

"You ain't gotta like me, but you gotta standing appointment whenever you ready. Jae," he repeats through the door. "Them other women ain't got nothing to do with us."

"Bye Erik." He's acting like the true issue doesn't exist.

You walk away from the door to use the restroom taking your sweet time and when you return to check the peephole he's gone. The nigga really left, bag and all.

---

"Yes, those look great on," you smile to a blonde girl who's trying on the Donna boots in the mirror.

"Thank you," she smiles back politely and you move on to assist a woman who looks torn between options. With a nudge and some flattery she ends up purchasing each pair and you ring her up with excitement. Then he walks into the store. You ignore him as he approaches the counter to stare you down, setting that same red gift bag within your view and willing you to acknowledge him through the processing of the shopper. You don't. You check out yet another shopper with a smile and send them on their way.

"Talk to me," he pats the counter once it's clear, beckoning you to communicate but he's had ample time to appear and communicate with you and he hadn't before now. He was the one in the wrong. "I should've come before now," he nods. "I'm the one in the wrong," he admits as if reading your thoughts.

"Hell yeah you were wrong, but it's in the past," you lie. "Did you need something today?"

"You know I do.." He looks you up and down with a look of hunger that unlocks physical memories. You cut it off quick.

"Act right or leave," you warn. You can feel his eyes on your body just as you can still hear the way he sounded when he said all those racy things. The abandoned church comes back to mind and so does the feel of his dick sliding inside of you. You lock your thighs tightly. You can feel every ridge as you stand.. remember the sweet girth. It makes you take a breath which you see him mentally note.

"There's nothing here for you," you affirm and turn away as you gather yourself at a short distance and head back to the floor. He follows.

"You ain't been fucked good since I left, have you," he whispers, voice low enough and seductive for your sharp ears only. It goes directly through you. You glance back at him, scoff, and look away as though you're unimpressed. He waits, pretending to look at a pair of heels as you engage another shopper and when you walk away he follows yet again. "You've been searching for a nigga who can satisfy."

"Erik, get away from me," you groan feeling lust travel through your body.

"If you weren't so mad I'd give it to you now. You been missing out on good dick, I'm sorry." He holds out the red bag which you snatch looking inside. It's a white YSL clutch.

"You should be."

"Consider this my apology and appeal. It's hard to find a person who can deliver great sex out here with a clean bill of health and no kids."

"So that's why you back, the tacky counterfeit Jae you left me for can't fuck," you smirk and he caves with an affirming nod.

"..That's fair-"

"I'm gonna stop you there," you turn facing him.

"Word."

"It's giving me extremely toxic, triflin, bad energy."

"Yeah."

"Yeah? What you mean yeah!?"

"Do you think about me when you touch yourself?"

"What!?" You're louder than you intended.

"Mhm.. Let me taste it."

"Get the fuck out my store," you mutter looking away for respite.

"Your pussy jumped didn't it.."

"Boy no, ain't nobody thinking about you." You avoid his gaze and catch yourself breathing shallow all because of the memories he keeps triggering by being close to you. "First of all, you lost privileges to that information the second you tried to bootleg me.. okay? Get that straight. Why did you lie?"

"I didn't," he smiles deceptively. "Jae.. I wouldn't lie to you. Didn't we have fun?" His eyes gesture to your thighs. "Don't you miss it? Let me get a taste."

"Tuh!" You return to the counter. You knew of his womanizing from the start and planned to squeeze him for gifts, but things changed a bit when he said you were special to him. You'd have never cooked a meal for him otherwise. You look him up and down. "I was only in it for the gifts."

"And you got em.. So what's the issue?"

"Ain't no issue. You got what you wanted and I got what I wanted."

"Exactly," he smirks. "So what's the issue.. We can both get what we crave."

This was the irritating thing. He knew you were more invested than you let on and he led you on. That was his thing. You knew it you just didn't see yourself falling for it. You wouldn't fall for it twice though. 

"Not tonight.. I'm tired and I'm on my period."

"Baby that ain't ever stopped nothing but a sentence."

"Just stop," your hand raises. He's serious and you know it. Sighing, you tap your nails on the counter thinking over his offer. "So if I crave a new car, you're going to buy me one?"

"Fuck me good and I'll think about it," he smirks rubbing through his beard.

"That's not gonna work for me," you press. "It's a simple yes or no."

"Fuck me good five times. Same conditions as before. I'll buy you a Mercedes. A new one."

"And you ain't gonna disappear before I get it..," you squint. He shakes his head.

"Let me know when you ready."

"Believe me when I'm free of this I will let you know," you assert.

"Aight then," he nods backing out of the store. "Don't make me come looking for you," he points.

Or what, you wonder deciding to test it. Just because of that comment you don't call. A week passes and you find yourself anticipating his arrival at your door or your job. A tingling sensation tells you he could come at anytime.

As anticlimactic as it is, he chooses to call while you're at the pump.. pumping your gas.

"I know you off your period by now," he says. No hello, how are you.. You switch ears.

"Wouldn't you know it, it's irregular. That happens when you have a lot of added stress."

"In that case see you at 10." Click.

Obviously he didn't get that he was the stress.

-----

Any other time when entertaining you'd have wine or fruit or at least water bottles set up, but this time you have nothing. Hearing the knock on the door you open it and he walks in with a container of cut watermelon and pineapple and a bottle of Graham's Six Grapes Port heading to your kitchen like he was never gone.

"Hand me that bottle opener," he points to the small kitchen drawer and you get it out. "Go to your room and wait for me."

Your kitty jumps and you almost go. "It don't work like that, Mr. Nigga."

"Suddenly it don't," he mutters pouring two glasses. "If that lil pussy tryna get ate tonight it better wait for me in that room."

"But I told you I'm still on my period."

"I know, you lied. You think I don't know when you lying? Get yo goofy ass-"

"Okay I'm a go, but only because-"

"Uhuh," he absently mutters opening the fridge to look inside. Biting your lip you linger for a second watching him before going but when you hit your room you immediately start to strip.

[creatingnikki]

Start Up

This was the first k-drama where I legit thought that the 2nd male lead was actually the first male lead until half-way through the show. While I do really like Nam Do-San’s character, I think  Han Ji-Pyeong made me feel WAY more. Especially in terms of the romantic chemistry. 

In the beginning, I was so satisfied with the show. But then I think somewhere around the 12th or 13th episode I started to get bored and disappointed. I think that’s mainly because halmeoni suddenly became a side side character and even Ji-Pyeong didn’t have as much screen time. I also feel like there were some sub-plots that were highly unnecessary because they weren’t fleshed out well and felt disconnected like the friend’s brother who died and he wanted revenge, the whole Alex California 3 year time-jump thing. Like that really slowed down the show and made me go ???  The finale however redeemed the show for me!

There were solid side characters in this k-drama, something I generally appreciate about k-dramas as a whole. The character development was also solid and sweet. I think the one that most touched me was Seo/Won In-Jae’s character development. 

I found more depth in her character than even Seo Dal Mi’s. I loved how she changed her name and then visited her grandmother because she just couldn’t do that before it. I get it. I really do. I think we all take our time to do the things we should/want to and that’s completely okay.

Which brings me to the point that Seo Dal Mi, especially towards the second half, felt like a very basic character. I think she was perhaps the only one who didn’t have much development. I honestly didn’t even find her and Nam Do San’s romance to be great or swoon-worthy. 

The most touching connection for me in this kdrama was  Han Ji-Pyeong and halmeoni’s. Like OH MY GOD. Whether it was when he was a child or even as an adult, their scenes made me cry.

 It was the most wholesome, sincere relationship in the entire show! Whether it was her taking him in and thinking he would rob her money in the shop or him thinking that she gave away his investment profits to her son - and both of them being wrong. The scene at the bus station where she gives him a new pair of shoes and tells him only to contact him when he is upset/alone/ill. 

The fact that she calls him good boy. Ahhhhhh. EVERY bit of it. Like even in the finale when she goes to his house and breaks down when she recognises he is sad + lonely I couldn’t stop my tears!!!!! It’s like he can be his true self with halmeoni.

And can I just ramble on about Ji-Pyeong? Firstly his dimples. I can’t deal. 

Secondly his acting. Thirdly his dialogue and his character arc. The way he was so smart in investing and work. The way he could give real feedback and the way he could be honest with Nam Do-San at the end. Aso the fact that he asked him to stop feeling inferior - ahhhhh. Someone really needed to tell Do-San to feel confident and enough and the fact that Ji-Pyeong did that meanth EVERYTHING. Everything about Ji-Pyeong had my heart! His conversations with Yeong-Shila and his drunk moments. And everything in between. I am really heartbroken that he ended up alone. To be honest, by the end of it I really wanted him to end up with In-Jae. I think they as a couple would surprise all of us. 

I know this may be a controversial opinion but both In-Jae and Ji-Pyeong were such strong characters and I feel like they would have easily overpowered the actual first leads (individually and together) if some more attention was paid to them. Which is probably why it wasn’t? But I feel like had the writers of the show leaned more into these two characters. They were smart, mature, emotionally more complex and that’s probably one of my major disappointments with Start-Up. 

But anyhooo, I really appreciated that the last scene was Nam Do-San and Seo Dal-Mi walking to their investor meeting and not their wedding scene. Because yaaaas power couple! I also love how her being the CEO didn’t make Do-San feel inferior or have some sexist ego complex. 

Talking about other side characters I really appreciated Seo Dal Mi’s mom’s redemption. It warmed my heart. I loved how Nam DO San’s father at the end put up the Samsan Tech sign board in the living room and said that the next time he thinks his son is doing something he doesn’t approve of he will look at it 3 times and wait it out/support him? Jung Sa-Ha and Lee Chul-San’s romance appealed to me a lot more than the leads’ romance - no kidding. 

Some of my FAVOURITE scenes were between Nam Do-San and Ji-Pyeong. Like in one of the first few episodes when they are at that conference/party where Nam Do-San shows up as a hot-shot entrepreneur for Dal-Mi and then the two guys move aside to show that they are talking and know each other and Do-San is like what do we talk about? ANd Ji-Pyeong is like let’s just recite the national anthem! I DIED. And then at the end when he invests in Cheonymyeong and they shake hands, how initially Ji-Pyeong only shakes with his two fingers. They both individually and together were beautiful. 

Also can I just say how cool I found the founder and CEO of sandbox just struck me as the COOLEST woman? She’s the kind of person I’d want as my mentor and friend if I was starting a business. And Dal Mi-s father’s backstory is just so very s ad with him finally getting an investment but also like dying the very same day. Sandbox really feels in some way his legacy? 

And I also low-key found the relation between Ji-Pyeong and park Dong-Chun endearing. Like ho Dong-Chun aways recommends all these lovely start ups that aren’t really profitable but he just cannot resist it! And how Ji-Pyeong finally personally invests in the start up for kids who leave orphanages at 18 in the end :’) I was waiting for him to finally personally invest in something like this because he’s rich and he can and I loved it. More than the investing, his meeting with the CEO of that start up was funny and how he wasn’t harsh towards him and how also said he wants a few kids that he can mentor! My heart!

Nam Do-San. I love how he had SO many insecurities because I have always associated that with the female leads whether in kdramas or just generally in the world of fiction. And the fact that he didn’t have any toxic or abusive outlets for his issues is what made me adore him. The friendship between him and his two developer friends was also very heartwarming.

I did really like the business and entrepreneurship aspect of the show like how thye tried to include concepts like the J curve and why you should be a majority shareholder in your own business and what investors look for and stuff. Ofc I would have LOVED it to be more heavy on that aspect but I get that for the general viewership that probably wouldn’t have worked. 

One of the most striking things about Start Up was the relationship between the two sisters. I can’t tell you how much I was digging the fact that neither of them, especially Won In-Jae (at the time) tried to backstab or fuck things up for the other. Even though they had been away for a decade and clearly had made opposite choices in picking their parents and hence a lot of their life, they didn’t once sabotage the other. In fact, they were always concerned about the other when it really came down to it. And them reuniting and working together was a highlight for me. 

This is one of the few kdramas that got the finale done so beautifully. But since Ji-Pyeong’s 2020 life wasn’t really shown to us this is how I’m narrating it in my head. He and In-Jae get together and are this smart power-couple who can open up with each other and be soft and adorable. He also has formed meaningful connections with two kids who left the orphanage and their connection is as wholesome as his and halmeoni's. He and In-Jae live  together in his apartment facing Han River and keep cutely arguing over start up ideas and companies to invest in. Now any time he looks at Seo Dal Mi and Do San he feels friendly affection and this sort of protective vibe. He found some super eye specialist and got halmeoni's eye sight fixed. Her corn dog shop became a huge franchise cos plot twist In Jae and Dal Mi's mother is actually v strategic in business growth.

[ratcatcher0325]

Nobody’s Fool (Cowboy One Shot Part #1)

Howdy, Y’all! (Ugh, I NEVER say y’all but it feels necessary, here) Guess what???? @narrans informed me that TODAY is National Day of the Cowboy!!! 🥳🤠🐎

So in honor of this holiday I did not know existed, I wanted to give some love to our pocket-sized cowpoke, Penn! Sadly, I didn’t have time to write the full thing in one go like I was hoping to, so you all will have to wait for Part #2 to get the rest of this little story. 

This takes place pretty immediately after the events of Nobody’s Fool, but you don’t really need any context to read it. Please enjoy the dumb fluffy thoughts from my brain. 

CW: Adult Language

Tag list: @gatlily; @grbene; @patrocolus3; @lucentbliss; @beautifulunknowntrash; @titan-god-420; @andraimeide; @themarlo; @cup-o-chai; @raccoontoaster @tolsizedlove @not-a-space-alien, @angelic-mini, @thegodmother007; @sizechaun; @bittykimmy13; @marydublin5; @littlescaryinternetguy; @jae-from-discord; @awkwardgtace; @narrans; @becca-but-bitty; @secretly-small

Please reach out if you’d like to be added to the tag list!

Read all of Nobody’s Fool HERE.

Next: Part 2

________________________________________

NOBODY’S FOOL

Cowboy Day One Shot Part #1: Save a Horse...

Word Count: 1,915 Read Time: Approx. 15 mins

[Eveline’s POV]

Shuffling my way back from the kitchen, arms full of candy, snacks and freshly mixed drinks, I mumbled through the package of Reese’s Pieces clenched between my teeth, “Alright boys….” I settled on the couch beside Trav, Penn lounging comfortably, perched between our shoulders on the back cushion, his legs dangling over the edge. The night with its purplish blue haze of clouds and stars gave us no light through the windows and so I could only make out the silvery silhouettes of the two men, by the harsh reflection of the television screen. I put all the junk food and drinks down on the coffee table in a clumsy pile.

Penn and I had taken to spending quite a bit of time at Travis’s apartment, lately. We didn’t want to fully move in to our fixer upper until the renovations for the smaller of the two of us were completed. And to be honest, the labor of assembling furniture and shoving boxes around had gotten to be too much. Especially in the blazing Texas summer heat. Penn had done his utmost to help in every way he could, but even his little feet had begun to drag by the end of the day, and we’d decided, fuck it… we deserved to have some fun.

Well, that had been the routine for just about every day this week, we’d work until we were too lazy and sweat soaked to keep going and we’d bring booze and food to Trav’s and veg out. Once I finally sat, propping an elbow up on the back of the couch and settling my fingers in Penn’s lap which he warmly took in his own small hands, I continued my sentence, “What’s on the docket for tonight?”

Travis responded first. I could tell I was going to hate the answer he gave just by the mischievous twinkle in his eye, “Well, the list recommended either worst horse movie ever or worst sports movie ever and Penn picked the horse movie.”

Penn piped up, like he was Travis’s hype man, “Zac fucking Efron is in it, Ev!”

“No!” I audibly groaned. The boys cackled with delight, “God fucking dammit, you two! You’re still bound and determined to watch every recommendation on that stupid list? Can’t we please watch something actually good, please??? I’m begging you! We only have so much finite time on this earth and you two idiots want to waste it watching every ��worst movie ever’ for every sub-genre of film? Why?!”

Penn cleared his throat, dramatically before launching into it, “You probably don’t realize this about us, my sweet, wonderful, naïve love… but Travis and I are simple men. I know we hide it extremely well what with all our sophistication and charm… but, we don’t need your fancy art house films. We just want to get drunk and watch movies that are so bad you couldn’t recreate them that poorly if you actively tried. C’mon! Don’t be such a downer! Admit it, you thought ‘The Room’ was hilarious!”

“I did until I’ve had to listen to you quote it fucking nonstop everyday for a week!”

“Awww, c’mon, Ev! You’re just a chicken, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep…!” Penn fully embodied his performance of the line from the worst movie ever made, even trying his hand at the lead actor’s weird accent. I had to admit the whole display was pretty cute. It made me want to pluck him up and kiss him. But no, I had to stop myself. He didn’t get to win that easily!

“Travis, why? Why do you hate me? You know him.” I pointed to the tiny man perched between us, “He does not know how to shut up. He won’t stop doing this. Every day it’s like the same five quotes… over and over and over! He’s psychologically torturing me!!” I pointed a finger at my friend’s chest, “You knew this would happen didn't you? Are the two of you in cahoots to try and make my brain turn to mush by watching this garbage?”

Travis beamed, having way too much fun at my expense, “But this one is garbage… with horses!!! You’ll love it! It’ll be like old times! C’mon, Ev!”

******

“Old times? Have you guys seen this movie before?” I was situated between the two humans, each of their shoulders close enough for me to touch if I wanted. I loved my vantage point from up here. I was only a few inches shy of being eye level with these two people and I had a perfect view of the tv screen. Call me an agent of chaos but I loved teasing Eveline like this. It was fun remembering that I could actually make her squirm every now and again.

I noticed her stiffen slightly when I asked the question, Travis was the one to reply, seeming not to notice her shift in body language, “Hm? Oh, no. Not this movie. We’ve never seen it. I meant that Ev used to—“

“Travis? Do you want to watch your dumb movie or not?” Huh. What was her problem?

“Hey… what’re you so cagey about all the sudden?” I crawled on my hands and knees and leaned on her. I delicately stroked the thin fabric that covered her shoulder, giving her my biggest, most impressive puppy dog eyes. I knew all too well just how to get precisely what I wanted from her.

“Penn! Don’t you dare! Don’t look at me like that! You know I can’t say no to you when you look like that! It’s not fair! You’re evil, you know that??” She was shoving me playfully with her fingers as she spoke. So clearly whatever it was wasn’t that big of a deal. But still, curiosity got the best of me, I had to know!

I pulled out the big guns, and placed an outstretched palm on her chin, “Please Ev, I love you…. So much… and I just wanna be here for you through whatever Travis is very rudely insisting you reveal….”

“Hey! I thought you were on my team! And aren’t you doing the same—“ Travis was mockingly indignant.

I lifted a harsh finger in the air. If I could have reached I would’ve silenced his lips with my hand, “Ah, ah ah! Let the lady speak!”

She sighed, pinching my wrist between her fingers and kissing the palm of my hand sweetly, “You’re a wicked little man, you know that?” She opened her mouth to speak but Travis got there sooner.

“Believe it or not, but, Eveline was once a horse girl…”

I burst out laughing, “You? No! What? Really??” My head was ping-ponging from left to right, taking in the countenances of both people.

“Shut up! Fuck you both! This is why I didn’t want you to open your big mouth!” She shoved at Travis’s chest, making the whole couch shake a bit, I was beside myself, this was goddamn hilarious! She continued, moaning with embarrassment, “God! It’s so lame! What a stereotype right? A Texas girl who rides horses? Blegh! Anyway, I haven’t ridden since I was like 10, so, I don’t think it counts.”

Trav, once again, was quicker on the draw, “Oh, it counts!!!” Then, suddenly, a new idea popped in his head as he turned to face me, “Which I guess makes her more of a cowpoke than you are, Penn! Everybody knows you have to have experience with horses in order to consider yourself a true cowboy…. Or girl… or cowperson for people who don’t fall into those categories…”

I gasped, “Fuck! You’re right! I’m a total fraud! I’m not even from here.” I scrambled over to face Travis, making a big show of cupping my hands and pretending to whisper secretly to my copper-haired friend, “Don’t tell Ev this… but I’m a complete hack. I’m just a city boy hiding behind a hat… I have no idea what I’m doing! Man to man, you gotta help me out! I don’t want her to break up with me when she finds out I’m a liar!” All three of us cackled through this.

He said his first sentence in a faux whisper to me, before speaking at normal volume, “Well, let’s fix that, then! Let’s turn this cowboy into a cowman! Whaddya think, Ev?”

“Never say that ever again!”

Well now was my chance to stoke the fire because how could I not? “What?? Cowman????”

She buried her head in her hands, cringing at the stupidity, “It sounds like a terrible off-brand superhero!”

Travis continued, unfazed, “But, for real, I have an uncle with some land and a couple of horses only an hour’s drive from here.”

*************

I watched as Penn’s entire body stood at rapt attention. His eyes growing wide. I had to nip that in the bud, right now, “No… no, I am not taking him to a horse ranch… absolutely not! That’s just asking for trouble.”

“Awww, c’mon Ev….I wanna be a real cowman!!!” He sunk to his knees clasping his hands together and begging unabashedly. What is your deal little man?! Do you have no shame??

“No, you’re not gonna guilt me into this one… it’s dangerous. Even for humans it can be extremely dangerous. Can’t we just watch the dumb Zac Efron movie now?” Even though I asked it, I knew as well as they did that we were far past the movie, at this point.

Slowly at first and then gaining in tempo, the little man beside my shoulder started to chant fucking cowman over and over and over again. Travis joined him. My love and my best friend were having the time of their lives. That tiny troublemaker brought out the best and the worst in all of us didn’t he? I groaned,“Trav! Stop it! Stop encouraging him! Penn! Hush! I’m not budging on this! It’s not safe! Do you have any idea how big horses are?!”

Penn didn’t seem to be listening to a word I was saying. Instead he was crawling across the couch cushion as fast as his unsteady feet could carry him, before hand over fist, climbing on to my shoulder and standing at his full five and one quarter inches before my face. He placed a warm little hand on either side of the bridge of my nose. Kissing my sweetly, softly. I melted. I loved those little kisses with my whole being. I couldn’t help reaching around and stroking his spine with my finger tips. “Come on, Ev. My entire brand, depends on this. This is my identity we are talking about. What if my fans find out? Everything will come crashing down if I, Penn, do not ride a horse. Please, my love, my beautiful guardian angel, have pity on the poor man you see before you, in dire and desperate need. I’ll never ask for anything ever again. I can lie to my fans, but I’ll never be able to lie to myself. I must right this wrong.”

I rolled my eyes into the back of my skull, “Oh-my-fucking-god-fine.”

The boys erupted into celebration. Penn was literally jumping up and down, giving Travis a hilariously mismatched high five, fist pumping the air and dunking an invisible football… what an idiot. I’m deeply, passionately in love with a tiny idiot.

And just like that, it was settled, we’d drive out to Travis’s family farm at first light tomorrow.

[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 7, Ch. 2

PART 7: THE YEAR OF HIDING AND PASSION Chapter 2 - Helping Hagrid

Warnings: SMUT in the broom closet!

Charlie

I think it was easy to say that between being in my last year at Hogwarts, going to Romania 2-3 times per week working with Dragons, and being in a relationship with the girl I liked since Third Year, this is the happiest year of my life. I imagined and daydreamed about how it would be if Nova returned my feelings but I didn't even dare to think it would be as good as we have it. She is so amazing and beautiful and I love her so much! We both marked the Summer at the Burrow a success even though Ginny and Bill know about us. I know Ginny is too excited for Nova to join the family to say anything and Bill was going to find out sooner or later anyway. I can't deny I'm glad he knows because I can go for him for advice now. He taught me the Protection spell and Merlin's beard is that being handy and I know if I didn't talk to him about our first time, I would be way more nervous than I was. It was so beautiful and Nova loved it. I wanted to do something romantic so she could feel as relaxed as she possibly could and to be honest I needed that too. I remember how careful I was with her as if she was the most fragile thing. I really wanted to do it as right for the first time as one can and I didn't want to hurt her but make her feel as comfortable as I could.

It was as beautiful as it was awkward which we expected and we weren't bothered by it. We did it two more times that night, fireflies around us, and we began to feel better about it. We were curious and we both felt something between us that we couldn't wait to explore. Nova was pretty shy when it came to sex at the beginning and I found it adorable. We talked about it one night, gazing at the stars and she said that it helps her gain confidence if we talk it through. So we like to discuss what each of us likes and how it feels and she's getting there and so am I. I fancied her for such a long time that I still stare at her sometimes and I can't believe how amazing she is and that I am lucky enough to call her mine. I am so in love with her that sometimes I can't believe I am capable of all these feelings. One of the last nights at the Burrow, Nova surprised me with a midnight picnic. She was very suspicious the whole day and there was something in the way she was looking at me that just turned me on so much. She started to take off my shirt and pushed me to the ground and I couldn't get over her confidence, it was so sexy. I didn't do much that night as she locked me to the ground by her being on top and to say that I didn't remember my name afterward, was an understatement. Charlie, who?

—

When our Seventh Year started, we knew we would have to make a plan because our friends still didn't know about us and we wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. The twins kept disappearing Merlin knows where and I knew that if I let them pass through my fingers they might just keep our secret if we tell them or they see us. Percy was so into his books that he probably wouldn't notice anyway so we really wanted to just be cautious around our friends. We usually sneaked into the Forest. We did try the Room of Requirement a few times but it became boring as we ran out of ideas how to change the room and there was something about doing it in the Forest, knowing it's a bit dangerous, that doing it in bed couldn't compare to the feelings in there.

A few months into the school year, Nova was a completely different person. She was still shy around me and I could feel how much she loved me but her confidence when it comes to sex grew from not looking me in the eyes during the act to rubbing my thigh and going a bit too close with her hand while biting her lip and winking at me during class. To be honest, I didn't know how we were going to pass this year. Almost everything we did, even a simple look, turned us on and it was all we could think about. We just couldn't help ourselves. It has been too many years of tension. Too many years of hidden feelings. Too many years of denying them for the sake of our friendship and now we can finally let go. We're at the age where we're supposed to be adults and act responsible but the energy and passion we feel when we're embraced, all hot and sweaty is the best piece of magic I have ever encountered. We finally understood Jae and Tulip that they couldn't take their hands off each other last year, we were acting the same now.

—

One morning I came down to the Great Hall and Nova was sitting with Tonks at the Ravenclaw Table. “Good morning.” I sang and looked around to see if there were any familiar faces before smooching my girlfriend. I still get goosebumps saying she's my girlfriend. I'm the luckiest fucking bloke on the planet! I was so happy that Tonks knew about us. She was so understanding and never asked questions and she even covered for us a couple of times when Penny almost busted us. Sometimes we were so caught in the moment that we forgot we were supposed to be sneaking around.

I didn't tell Jae yet even though I knew he wouldn't make a big deal out of it and wouldn't tell Tulip as I hid their relationship from Nova last year. Still, it never came up in the conversation so I decided to stay quiet. Nova thought Tulip knew about us as there were days when she came to her dorm pretty late but then she said that Tulip tried to persuade her to share her feelings with me and she knew she didn't have a clue. If she only knew about the feelings we shared.

Penny was Nova's biggest concern. I knew it was tearing her apart because she wanted to tell her best friend. I told her that she can if she wants to but she was still not ready and felt uncomfortable answering the questions she knew Penny was going to ask her.

“Wotcher, Charlie. How did you sleep?” Tonks yawned. She looked tired most of the days since the beginning of the school year. “Great.” I grinned and looked at Nova, who was looking at me, her eyes all dreamy. I felt my cheeks turn pink. “You okay, Tonks?” “Never better!” She leaned on Nova's shoulder and pretended to snore. Nova chuckled and my stomach turned. She still gave me butterflies.

“What are you two love birds doing today?” Tonks asked. It was so nice that we didn't have to hide from her. “Each other.” Nova said casually, winked at me, and almost made me spit out my orange juice. “That reminds me...” Tonks lifted her head. “Have you ever done it in a broom closet?” I liked how casual we were about sex. We both shook our heads but by Nova's look, I already knew she was up for it. “Second Floor to the left. Looks like an abandoned room.” Tonks began to explain. “Not that much space but it's nice and tight if you know what I mean.” I chuckled. Never saw her and Barnaby having the type of relationship that they had but I was happy it was working out for them. She was still telling Nova about it but I completely zoned out when Nova started brushing her leg against mine under the table. She was so sexy when she was turned on and the more details about the broom closet she got from Tonks the bigger her naughty grin got. A letter broke our eye contact and I wasn't even mad about it. It was beginning to get too hot for such a public place. It took a lot of power to look away from Nova and open the letter Pip brought me but someone had to be strong in this relationship, even though I knew we are going to be in that closet, our bodies pressed against one another and enjoying the moment in about 10 minutes.

“It's from Hagrid, Nova. He wants us to help him with something in the Forest.” I finally focused as I pulled my legs closer to my side so she couldn't reach me. I didn't want to but she was frying my brain. “Is that your new code for doing it in the woods?” Tonks winked at me. Nova chuckled. “No!” I smirked. “I'm serious.” I gave Nova the letter. “What'd you reckon it's about?” She asked, excited. I was the one that was going into the Forest with Hagrid a lot, while Nova usually had other things to do, and sometimes she was a bit jealous that she couldn't join us but this time Hagrid asked for both of us. “The last time he said something about some animal disappearances but he didn't want to give me any details.” I answered. “It looked like he was hiding something and couldn't trust me with it.” “Then it definitely has to do with that.” I nodded to her response.

Usually, when Hagrid did something that he wasn't supposed to tell me about, he always let something slip before realizing he is talking to a student and then I always received a letter a week later to help him with whatever he got in trouble with anyway. I like Hagrid a lot and I am very appreciative that he took the time to write me a recommendation letter for my job and I would help him with anything he needs to return the favor. Tonks now looked as if she was snoozing on Nova's shoulder and I was beginning to be a bit worried about her. “Tonks, how come you're so tired all the time?” I asked gently as I didn't know if she actually fell asleep. “Fucking Barnaby!” She lifted her head and buried her face in her hands. “Are we talking about the act or the person?” Nova laughed at my question. “Yes.” She looked at me and nodded. “I barely get any sleep, we have been at it all night for three days now.” She yawned again but by the look on her face, she didn't seem that bothered. “Why don't you guys take a break?” I smirked. “Can you take a break from YOUR girlfriend?” She winked at me. I looked at Nova who was biting her lip again. I could never take a break from her. “I get your point.” I laughed. “Wait, what do you mean your are you and Barnaby a couple?” I was so deep in my fantasy again that I needed a moment to figure out what Nova was asking her. “Might as well be.” Tonks shrugged her shoulders. “We didn't talk about it but neither of us is seeing anyone else and seeing you lot act the same with the exception of holding hands when no one's looking, what's really the difference?” She did make sense.

“Well, do you want to be in a relationship?” Nova asked her. “I dunno.” She answered honestly. “I thought I didn't want to be because I am not a lovey-dovey person like Penny and Tulip is too hardcore for me.” We all laughed. It was interesting how different all of our relationships were.

“But hearing you lot having so much sex and you call yourself a couple I am giving it a second thought.” It was true, Nova and I were quite active and I never imagined us to be when we started due to how shy we both were but we both enjoy it so much and it's so magical every time that I don't see the problem.

“Tonks, being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't have sex.” I chuckled. “Some are more gentle and romantic and others are more passionate.” I was lucky to have both with Nova. I enjoyed cuddling with her as much as I enjoyed being inside of her. Once per week, we had a date in the Room of Requirement and we always made it so romantic that it was almost cheesy. We usually ended up sitting in front of the fire, talking and cuddling.

“I see your point, Dragon boy.” She got up. “Where are you going?” Nova asked her. “First of all, the energy between you two,” she pointed her finger at both of us, “makes me not want to be a third wheel right now and second of all I need to get some sleep or that Slytherin will be the death of me.” She rolled her eyes but I knew she liked it. Nova chuckled and Tonks left the Hall. “So we go down to Hagrid's now or do we have some time?” Nova asked and I knew what was on her mind.

“Don't we have class?” I chuckled. She just shrugged her shoulders. What a loyal Ravenclaw she was. “He said in the afternoon so I think we have some time.” I winked at her and got up.

I know we have N.E.W.T.s this year and I would be more concerned about skipping class if I didn't already have a job secured. I was here so I wouldn't listen to my mum for the rest of my life how I didn't finish my education and that I could spend more time with Nova.

She snatched my hand and dragged me out of the Hall. I pressed her by the wall at the entrance. She looked at her watch. We were already breathing heavily. I couldn't wait for our bodies to become one. “We have half an hour until our Defense Against the Dark Arts, you reckon you can be so quick?” She leaned her head to me and bit my lip. “I'll do my best.” I whispered in her ear. “Do you want to give the broom closet a try?” Without answering she was already dragging me down the corridor. We reached the door Tonks described. We knocked just in case and tried the doorknob. It was locked. “Alohamora.” Nova whispered and the door creaked open. We looked around. It was small but it would do. It had shelves on every wall, dusty abandoned objects on them.

“So against which wall do you want to be pounded at?” I wrapped my hands around her from behind and bit the tip of her ear. “How about the middle one?” She turned around and pushed me into the shelf. She poked me in my chest and dragged her finger slowly across my body until she reached my pants.

That naughty smile was making my blood pump faster. She opened my pants, kneeled, and pulled them down. Her eyes glowed when she pulled down my boxers and started sucking. My eyes rolled back and my knees got weak. She was too good at doing that and her moaning in between didn't help my cause. I made her stop and helped her get up. I pressed her against the shelf on the right. “Mind pulling yourself up a bit, love.” I said between my heavy breaths. She looked up and grabbed two shelves above her head. It was my turn on the knees. My head disappeared under her skirt. I don't know how I feel about knowing the real reason why Tulip wears skirts so much but they were practical, I'll give her that.

I ran my finger across her underwear and she trembled. I knew I was torturing her at this point. I gently moved her panties away and when my tongue touched her she moaned. I loved making her feel good and feeling her twist from pleasure was a special kind of satisfaction and besides, I liked being between her legs. She suddenly pulled my hair and made me look up at her. “Fuck me.” She said between her breaths. We were far from 'making love' at this point even though we did have moments when we liked it nice and slow. This was not one of those times. I got to her eye level and she stuck her tongue down my throat. Did I mention how good of a kisser she was? I was keeping her steady by the waist with one hand and moved her underwear to the side so I could enter her. “Wait, my wand.” She breathed. I was halfway inside her. “That would be me, love.” I whispered and we both chuckled. “No silly! The Protection spell!” We used it every time even though I am not going to lie we almost forgot a few times. Usually, I was the one who remembered to cast the spell but thank Merlin Nova's brain was still functioning that she remembered this time because my mind was already gone. “Muffliato.” She whispered another spell. Tulip told her about this one when she told her stories about her and Jae. I don't know where she learned it from but it worked wonders. Nova wasn't exactly the quiet type when it came to sex and the spell came in very handy.

I entered her and she moaned. Our bodies moved together as one in a tight and sweaty embrace. If I wasn't the luckiest bloke in the entire school for having the most amazing girl return my feelings, then I don't know who was.

—

“Damn it, we're half an hour late.” Nova looked at her pocket watch as we were getting dressed. “You promised you would be quick.” She smirked at me. “A minute ago you didn't seem to mind me lasting so long.” I winked at her and she bestowed me with an amused look. I was pretty proud of myself for it and I knew she didn't want it to end by the sounds she was making. “Should we just go down to Hagrid's?” “You're serious about skipping class?” She said shocked. She was a Ravenclaw after all. “We can tell Rakepick Hagrid needed us. I am sure he is going to vouch for us.” I pulled my jumper over my head. “I guess.” She gave it a second thought. “If we show up to the lesson right now everyone will know we were doing it anyway.” She chuckled and pointed at her hair which was everywhere but in place. “I love you so much, Nova Blackwood.” I kissed her gently and could see her cheeks turn red saying those words. “I love you too, Charles Weasley.” She pulled me into a hug and I loved how we could switch from what we were just doing to being attentive and gentle with each other within seconds.

We carefully slipped out of the broom closet, happy nobody saw us and ran down to Hagrid's to see what he needs help with.

Nova

“Comin'!” We knocked on Hagrid's door and we could hear him stand up.

“Nova, Charlie! What are yeh doin' 'ere?” He opened the door, surprised.

“You wrote us a letter to see you.” Charlie said.

“In the afternoon.” Hagrid moved away from the door and invited us inside.

“It sounded urgent, so we came straight away.” His letter was pretty casual but we needed an excuse not to go to class.

“Yeh know meh too well. It is an emergency.” He sat down and sighed. “But yeh missin' yeh lessons!” He stood back up. I could tell he was nervous.

“You can write us a note.” Charlie said quickly. “Your thing is obviously more important.” Smooth, Weasley. Very smooth.

“Yeh right.” Hagrid sat back down. “I don't know wha' to do.” He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“Hagrid, what happened?” I sat down next to him and placed my hand on his back.

“It's Fang. We were in the Forest this mornin' and we got a bit lost, yeh see, and there was this sound and when I turned around 'e was gone.” Hagrid burst into tears.

“Hagrid, that IS an emergency!” Charlie stood up at once.

“I know!” He sobbed. “I didn' want to worry yeh in case yeh couldn' make it but I could use yeh 'elp searchin'. I dunno who else to ask.” He buried his head into my shoulder. I looked at Charlie, worry in his eyes.

“Take us to where you last saw him, Hagrid.” Charlie said with a determined voice. We helped Hagrid stand up and he took us outside.

I was really happy that we were the first people to come to mind to help him save Fang. But then again, we were probably the only ones mad enough to go so deep into the Forest. We have sneaked in more times than I would like to admit and I knew that Charlie has been at least twice as the number of times I was but by the look on his face, he hasn't been so deep either.

“Hagrid,” I couldn't help but feel a bit uneasy, “are we still on the right path?”

“Just a bit further.” He was still sobbing but tried hard to focus.

We have been walking for what seemed like an hour more. Charlie and I exchanged looks here and there and I could see he would rather be yelled at by Rakepick for being late to class than be so deep in the Forest. He was about to open his mouth and say something when Hagrid stopped.

“'ere.” He said and burst into tears. I looked around, there was nothing that would indicate that something could've taken Fang. I gestured to Charlie to look around. I stepped to Hagrid and tried to calm him down as much as possible. I have no idea what creatures lurk so deep in the Forest and Hagrid didn't exactly try hard to be quiet.

“Nova, I think I found something.” Hagrid and I ran in the direction of Charlie's voice and stopped in front of a hole next to a tree.

“It looks like a tunnel.” I whispered and got closer to it.

“Hagrid, do you think Fang could fall inside?” Charlie asked him.

“I dunno. Perhaps.” Hagrid's voice became a bit more hopeful.

“Then we have to go in.” I sat down on the edge of the opening, ready to jump down.

“What are you doing?” Charlie grabbed my shoulder, preventing me to go.

“I'm going in, what does it look like?” I frowned.

“You're not going first!” He offered me a hand to pull me up.

“And why is that?” I slapped his hand away.

“We don't know what's in there.” He hissed at me.

“I don't see your point, Weasley.” I turned around and was ready to jump in.

“No!” Charlie grabbed me under the armpits and pulled me up.

“Merlin's beard, what is up with you!” I moved around so he would let me go.

“It can be dangerous. You're not going first!” He stepped in front of the hole, preventing me to get any closer. There was something in his eyes that I have never seen before. He seemed afraid. Not for himself but for me.

“Char...” I said softly. We have been together for almost half a year now and he showed me every day how much I mean to him but it just hit me that there wasn't a thing in the world he wouldn't do for me and it scared me.

I didn't want him to go first just so that I could stay safe. I didn't want him to risk his life for me, not now not ever. And I most definitely didn't want to see that look in his eyes ever again, the look that said that he was terrified of losing me.

“We are not doing this here.” I tried sounding harsh, even though I had to fight every muscle in my body to not pull him into a hug. Hagrid was still too busy crying to pay attention to our fight. I pushed him aside instead and jumped into the hole. I could hear him shouting my name when I hit the ground. It was pitch black and the smell was foul.

“Lumos.” I looked around. It looked like a passage.

“It's a tunnel!” I shouted up to the surface. A few seconds later, Charlie landed on his feet right next to me. I knew Hagrid would have to stay behind because he was too big to fit the hole.

“What was that?” He snapped at me. I haven't seen him this angry in a long time.

“Charlie, I know I'm your girlfriend, but you can't tell me what to do!” I barked at him.

“The hell I can't!” I gasped at his response.

“Excuse me?” I wanted to hex him on the spot.

“I just started my life with you, I am not losing you!” He shouted in my face.

“It's just a hole, Charles! Stop making such a big deal out of it!” I yelled back.

“And what if you got hurt?” Our noses were touching now.

“And what if I did?” I stood up on my toes.

“Nova,” his voice went from high to gentle, “I can't bear to lose you. You don't understand what being with you means to me.” He placed a hand on my cheek.

“I know, Char.” I covered his hand with mine and I lowered my voice too. “But you can't protect me from every little danger that comes my way.” I kissed him gently.

“How do you think I feel every week when you go to Romania and I know you might come back with a scar or two. I know how dangerous Dragons are and I am not shouting at you every time you go.” I support him 100% when it comes to his job even though I'm a nervous wreck every time he goes.

He already has a scar on his chest, his left leg, and a rather big one on his right shoulder. And every time he comes back and I see he's okay I feel relieved but I never tell him how worried I am because of the grin he has on his face when he tells me all about it. I know he doesn't worry about getting hurt and I know he's quite proud of his scars.

“We both knew what we were getting into when we started dating. You working with Dragons and you know my list of animals I want to study.” I continued after his silence. His lips curved. He knew there was nothing safe about the creatures I wanted to work with.

“I'm sorry. I got a bit carried away.” He pressed his lips to mine. It was one of those stronger kisses, the ones that made me tremble and reminded me how good we have it.

“A bit?” I poked him in his chest. He laughed.

He leaned in for another kiss when we heard a sound. Our eyes locked.

“Fang!” We exclaimed at the same time and without even thinking about it, started running through the passage. We started to speed up when we saw a dim light. The stench was getting worse and when we both stopped, we understood why the smell was so bad.

We reached a room, lit by candles. There were blood pools everywhere on the ground and a pile of bones in one corner. I heard Fang cry. Charlie and I both looked in the direction of the sound and saw him laying on the floor.

“He's hurt.” Charlie said as he kneeled next to him.

“Can you pick him up?” I took a step closer to them, my wand ready. “I don't want to be here when the thing that got Fang comes back.”

Charlie carefully picked him up. He was howling from pain but we knew that we had to take him out of there. We were almost at the entrance to the tunnel when I heard something behind us.

“Is that...” Charlie's voice shook. I narrowed my eyes to see better.

“Red...” I whispered.

“Cap!” Charlie finished my sentence. “Nova, RUN!” He started sprinting through the tunnel and I followed him.

I could hear the sounds the creature was making but I tried to forget about them. My heart was beating so fast. I knew what Red Cap's were and I knew that no matter what spell I would throw at it, it would probably dodge it. They were really dangerous and could only really be stopped with a Beautification potion. Something, we did not have.

We got to the spot where we dropped down into the hole and Charlie started shouting for Hagrid to help us. The Cap was still after us but I knew that if we hurried we could get out of here, safe and sound. Charlie gave Fang to Hagrid.

“Wingardium Leviosa!” I shouted to give Charlie a boost. He grabbed Hagrid's hand and pulled himself up. I heard the creature getting closer and just when Charlie grabbed my hand, I felt excruciating pain on my calf. I lifted my other leg to pull myself up to the best of my abilities while pressing my lips together not to scream from pain.

I looked back down and saw the creature crawling after me. “Reducto!” I knocked it to the ground and Charlie pulled me up.

“Nova! Are you alright?” Charlie put his hand on my shoulders and started observing me.

“My leg.” I mumbled and showed on my muscle.

“Hagrid, we have to go!” Charlie lifted me in his arms and him and Hagrid started running. I could hear Charlie saying something to Hagrid but I couldn't really pay attention. My vision got blurry and I could hear nothing but ringing in my ears.

—

I felt like opening my eyes but it seemed my eyelids were too heavy. I heard someone move closer to me and I winced.

“Nova.” I heard Charlie's gentle voice say my name and I felt his hand on mine. “Madam Pomfrey! She's awake!” I heard him say and I opened my eyes to the best of my ability.

Charlie was standing up, a chair behind him. He had dark circles under his eyes and a look of worry. Madam Pomfrey opened the curtain that was separating my bed from the rest of the Hospital Wing.

“Let me see you, dear.” She came closer and gave me a glass of yellowish liquid. “Drink it. It will make you feel better.” I took the glass and tried getting up. My whole body was in pain. Charlie put two pillows behind my back so I could properly sit.

“What in the bloody hell happened?” I whispered. I couldn't recall the event that brought me the pain I was feeling.

“You were poisoned, Miss Blackwood. Went straight into your blood.” Madam Pomfrey explained and disappeared behind the curtain again.

“She said that your wound is almost healed. You just have to get your strength back.” Charlie said softly and kissed my forehead.

“Red Cap!” Memories finally came back to me.

“He got your leg pretty messed up. Wasn't pretty to look at.” Charlie tried to smile even though I could see the concern painting his face.

“Is Fang okay?” I asked hastily.

“He's going to be fine.” Charlie smiled. He knew I cared more about animals than myself. “A few broken ribs, bit off tail, and a broken paw.”

“I got off easy then.” I chuckled but then winced as my whole body ached.

“You scared me so much, I didn't know what happened to you.” Charlie tried hard to keep a steady voice. “You just mumbled something about your leg and fainted.” He shook his head trying to get the memory out of his mind.

“Charlie, I'm alright.” I placed my hand on his cheek and his lips curved when I touched his skin. “It's just a scratch.”

“Don't get me mad, love.” He frowned but didn't say anything else. With the number of scars he already had from Romania, he knew he wasn't the one to talk. He then told me that he has been with me every day all day and that Penny brought him notes from classes so he could copy them.

All of our friends came to see me, including Fred, George, and Percy who accidentally mentioned in one of his letters to Molly that I was hurt and Charlie had to write her 3 letters to calm her down plus write to my mum because, of course, Molly wrote to her at once. Fred and George even smugged Pip in the Hospital Wing so he could see me and they got a week's worth of detention because Madam Pomfrey caught them.

After a week of me being awake, it was finally time for me to get released from the Hospital. I knew that the first thing I had to do was see Hagrid. Charlie told me he felt so bad seeing me unconscious that he couldn't even bring himself to come to see me again.

“All he does is just sob all day long no matter how much I tell him that you are okay.” Said Charlie as we were leaving the Wing.

“So basically, he's you.” I smirked at him.

“Not funny, Nova. You have no idea how worried I was for you.” His voice broke. I stopped him and pulled him into a hug.

“I'm fine.” I whispered.

“I know but if anything worse had happened...” His whole body shook.

“Char, look at me...” I cupped his face and it pained me when I saw he had tears in his eyes. “I just got hurt, I'm alright. Please stop worrying.” I pulled him back into a hug.

We walked down to Hagrid's in silence. He was holding my hand so tightly that I couldn't feel my fingers but I didn't care. I knew this was something he had to do to feel better and I didn't blame him. I wanted to tell him that what he was feeling while I was unconscious I was feeling every time he was in Romania, but I knew that if I did, he would never go again.

After an hour of Hagrid sobbing and me telling them both that I am fine and not as fragile as they think, they both relaxed and Hagrid finally forgave himself. We stayed for dinner at Hagrid's and I could see Charlie letting go of what happened and grasping the fact that I was completely healed. It was sweet that he was so concerned but at the same time, I couldn't help but worry about what will happen to us when our school year is over.

[jaeminscoffee]

Drapetomania.

Drapetomania- An overwhelming urge to run away.

Pairing- Lee Taeyong x reader.

Genre- Angst, business!au

Word count- 2.73k

Warning- Mention of intake of alcohol, smoking and plans of running away.

Summary- A friend as good as ready to run away with you but you stop him dead in track, wanting solitude away from the cruelty of your world.

Ever felt like wanting to turn a blind eye towards all your responsibilities and just run away? 

The night was cold, gusty winds blowing through the open curtain of the ball room. Sounds of wine and whiskey glasses clattering filled the air. Sniffs of all sorts of cuisines from around the world had everyone's mouth watering. The entrance to the room leading up to the podium had a crimson carpet taut. All dressed fancy, women in gowns, men in tux. 

You yourself adorned a glitter black red flowing gown. Elegantly falling off your shoulder. The dress starting black, fading into red paired with a black bow heels, which was hidden by your gown pleats.

This was your life as the next head of your enterprise. Well, your father's company to be precise. It wasn't bad living in a world full of business talks, money exchange and complacency. 

Your company has earned its name as one of the top three of your country, alongside the Lee and Kim enterprises. The competition between all three companies was cut throat. All united and tranquil though, amidst all sorts of competition and the want to win, you were all acquaintances. 

All your parents dated a long time back, starting from their ancestors, passing through generations now passing onto you.

Business ran in all of your blood. 

As soon as you'd received your masters degree, your parents had immediately given you the post of the assistant manager at their company, not giving you a chance to state what your interests lie in. 

It wasn't half as bad as you'd thought it would be. You made a couple of friends going through the same as you, Lee Taeyong from the Lee Enterprise. Kim Doyoung and his younger brother Kim Jungwoo, from the Kim Corporations. Lastly, Jung Jaehyun from Jung Entertainments, CEO in training, a current partner and your fiancé. 

Yes, the Jung's and your family decided to merge ownership to create a much stronger stake.

This world, as lavish it sounds, snatches all types of freedom from you. Having money doesn't sound that bad, right? Having power sounds great, doesn't it? 

Well, it really isn't, you didn't get to enjoy the adult life you'd hoped for growing up. Not many stay beside you until you spend dollars on them either. The power either scared them or had their jealousy drive them away from you. 

Responsibilities came in one by one as a chain, giving you little to no time to breathe, adding onto that your wedding in a few months. You tried talking your way out of the arranged relationship, but it was futile. It was set once then it's set. No more turning points from there. 

The lad you're getting tied to wasn't bad, neither had he been rude to you, nor does he have that cockiness almost every other business man has. The arrogance was absent too. But rather, he was a gentleman, an absolute eye candy, a hard working young man. You were friends, as previously mentioned. You'd spoken the next day after the arrangement as you'd ran straight to the closest of your friends, Lee Taeyong, to bawl your eyes out of distaste. 

Jaehyun didn't want the marriage either, both of you were still so young, just starting your lives. 

Taeyong had to go through the same, but unlike your parents, they actually listened to him. 

That leads you to today, standing by the casement of your hotel room after exchanging a few formal greetings by the party hall, having Taeyong sit by the bed as your parents made their ments about the future of the company, possibly even announcing your marriage plan. 

"You know this hotel has a huge smoking prohibited board outside right?" Taeyong asked, clearing the air, coughing, watching you take swig after swig of your half burnt cigarette. You laugh at your friends' talks and silent complaints. This was the real you, you back talked, you screamed, you spent money on buying graphic t-shirts rather fancy clothes, you smoked, clubbed on the weekends. The real you was totally in contrast to you in front of the others. You were expected to be perfect, mannerisms on point not to disobey even.

"Yeah? And?" you said, puffing out the tobacco filled air right onto Taeyong's face, chuckling as he dramatically starts choking, exaggerating it a bit too much than required.

"I'm not going to help you when you get arrested," He said, shrugging his shoulders, standing up from the edge of the bed and standing beside you, taking the stick out of your hands, throwing it out of the window. You at him, looking up because of the height difference, "health comes first, princess" he said in feigned politeness, earning a smack on the shoulder as a reply from your end, "Oh fuck you, Lee" you reply with a petty tone having the toxic been taken from between your fingers. 

"So you dragged me all the way up to cuss at me or you have something to tell me?" he asked, breaking the silence taking over the air. You lean forward by the sill, looking outside the window as you let out a sigh, taking a whiff of the blustery night before turning towards Taeyong who already had his focus on you.

"It's about the marriage, and starting today, I-uh..I'll be taking over the company. I don't think I'm ready for it, Tae" you say, looking down at where your dress met the carpeted floor of your hotel room. 

You've had this talk with him multiple times, and he always had the same answer. What could the poor boy say anyways? 

"Y/n listen-" he was cut off by a soft knock on the door, the both of you whip your heads towards the door when the knocking occured again, "The door's unlocked!" you voice out. 

The door knob rattled the slightest, opening the wooden block by a little. "Y/n" a deep voice spoke, the door opening wider to display Jaehyun on the other end, a red velvet tux matching your clothing adorned his structure. "Jaehyun! Hey man!" Taeyong exclaimed, making his way towards the boy who stood with a wide smile after seeing his friend. "Hey Tae! Glad to see you didn't flee away from the party like you did last time" the boys laughed, embracing each other, you letting out a chuckle yourself. 

"Someone here, wouldn't let me run away until i take her along with me, I'm not stating names" Taeyong said jokingly, Jaehyun laughing at it, you poking your tongue out at the boys. 

"Can't have the spotlight taken away from the main, now can we?" Jaehyun said, the boys fist bumping at their adjoined 'tease Y/n until she's fuming' agenda. 

"Back to why I'm here, Your father's expecting you downstairs" Jaehyun looked over at you, your figure leaning against the now closed casement. "But i don't want to go down there" you reply grumpily, making your way towards the bed about to flop down, only to be stopped by Taeyong with his hands around your waist. "You're going to ruin your dress up, doll. Your mom won't let you breathe, then" he said pulling you up as you stand up right. 

"Right, almost forgot, thanks" you say, smoothing out the crease. Taeyong then pushed you towards your other friend, him catching you by your forearm. "Happy acting perfect! Oh also, all the best for the same" Taeyong said, waving as Jaehyun started pulling you out the room, ignoring your protests and whines. 

"Jae, i don't want to! They'll ask me to give speeches and you know how much i hate that!" you complain, trying to put all your weight onto the ground to make it hard for him to pull you, but he kept going with ease. "You don't really have to, we've finished that part of the day, thank the lords"

Jaehyun said, drawing a cross as you laugh at his antics. 

"Then why does father need me?" You see him pause the walk down the hallway towards the marble staircase, too fancy for your liking but already grown accustomed to it. 

"Because, they wanted to discuss something about the marriage" he said, resuming his steps. 

"What about it? There's still 7 months for it" you said, earning a sigh from the lad. This time, he stopped again, turning around to face you, gripping your shoulders in a soft, comforting grip. 

He looked at you hesitantly. Sensing something wrong, you grip his palms that rest on your shoulder, looking at him with a soft expression. "Jae.. Is something wrong?" you ask. 

"Y/n..about the marriage" he started, clearing his throat slowly then looking you straight in the eyes. "They.. My parents and yours.. They decided to.. Uh" he stopped, contemplating whether to let it out or not. 

"They decided to what? Jae just spit it out" you started to grow impatient.

"They decided to prepone our wedding"

-x-

You run down the hallway, towards the huge double doors leading to the party hall, frantically searching for your father, Jaehyun hot on your trail.

"Y/n wait up-"

"Father." you call out, finding him seated beside your mother, sipping on his whiskey. 

"Ah! If it isn't my pride! Y/n, your mom and Mrs.Jung-" he started, you cut him off. 

"Father, could i have a word with you in private?" you say, voice void of any form of emotion. 

"Of course, darling. Excuse me" he looked at the guests seated in the round table, smiling at them as you led him away from the crowd, to the hallway you'd previously run down.

"What is it, sweetheart?" He said, smile so wide it had to be fake. "You prepone the wedding?" your voice slightly quivered, crossing your fingers hoping it wasn't true. 

"Ah yes! I see Jaehyun already told you. I was thinking-" he started off again, with that honey coated voice of his. "why did you do that?" you step back, stumbling a bit. "Because the quicker the marriage, the faster the merge and more the profit, baby. It's all a full circle" he smoothened your hair out, you smack his hands away. "I'm not ready for a marriage yet, father! Two weeks? That's too early!" you scream at him, disbelief evident in your voice. "Oh of course you're ready! You're the daughter of a businessman, you're born ready!" he said, with pride, his shoulders pulled back. 

"I-i'm really not, dad. It's too soon, i don't want it. I'm going to call off the wedding-" you shakily say, turning around to make your way back to where Jaehyun stood, to be pulled back with much force. 

"Listen Y/n, It isn't about what you want or what you don't. You're ready when i say so, you get married when i say so. If you, ever, dare ruin our partnership with the Jungs, you see what you'll have to face." he said with a glare, giving you one last look before pausing to correct his bowtie, making his way back to the ballroom. 

Taeyong who had just so happened to make his way down the stairs, had unintentionally eavesdropped the entire conversation. He'd wanted nothing more than just to pull you in close, but after scanning the room, he saw your fiance standing there, by the corner, looking at Y/n then at him.

Taeyong nodded his head forward, wanting Jaehyun to come in and soothe you with comfort talks, but the latter shook his head. 

Your soon to be husband would probably be the last person you'd want to see, and so he faded back into the crowd. 

Taeyong hesitated first, having two successors seen together at a party isn't a news that should reach anyone, unless you're engaged, but seeing you let out a feeble sob, pulled his last string, and he made his way quick down the stairs, the hallway, pulling you into a tight embrace as soon as he reached you. 

"T-Taeyo-" you start between your feeble sobs, controlling yourself to not have a full on breakdown and create a scene at the party. "Shh doll, don't say anything, i heard it all" his voice calming, rubbing your back his palms in a comforting manner. "It's too e-early, Tae, i haven't even s-started living my life to th-the fullest yet and here-" you pause to inhale deeply, "-here i am, getting pulled in work after work, cutting my dreams out c-completely" you sob harder into his chest. 

"It's alright.. " he said, slowly starting to make his way out the crowded area, back up the stairs to where your rooms were located, unlocking your door upon reaching. 

"Is it? Of course it isn't Tae!" you let out louder now having the freedom to breathe normally, speak out all your pent up frustration. 

"It's just the stakes he cares about.. Not me, never has it been me and never will it be me." you spoke up before he could. 

"It was always about business. Never about me personally, and that hurts for thinking." you stop, burying your head into your palm, crying your heart out. 

Taeyong stood there, in front of you with a saddened glaze hooding his dark hazel eyes. The words you let out came from a very heartbroken, left to feel the pain alone girl. 

This is the harsh world of business and entertainment. 

He made his way closer to you, kneeling down in front of you, placing his hands over your legs to get you to look at him. No vail. 

"Y/n..doll, you see, we were forced into this world prior to adulthood, no consent whatsoever, we're just robot's basically, programmed to be perfect in all aspects." he started slow. "But there's nothing we can do about it"

With that the room went silent. The only sounds being from the loud acoustic downstairs and your sobs. 

You get up from your bed all of a sudden, sadness now turning to desperation and want for freedom. You make your way into the closet, taking out your already packed luggage, stuffing in whatever was left outside. 

"I'm really not ready-" "Y/n? What are you doing?" he said, voice panicked watching his friend throw random fabrics in. "And I'm tired of this-" "Y/n stop-" "-all of this" "Y/n-" 

"I should've done this long back-"

Taeyong grew even more panicked every second passing by, it only worsened when he saw you take the luggage and make your way towards the door. He took a hold of your hand in a tight grip as you felt the air turn black around you. It was hard to breathe with all the thoughts running through your head.

"Our world." you start, not trying to break out of his grip, slowly placing your hand over his.

"Our world Taeyong.. It's too cruel, harsh and dark even." you continue, stopping midway to look around you and then back at him, "none of us are safe in this world, none of us are happy, truly." you say removing his hands gently from the grip he had on yours.

Turning around once again, Taeyong was quicker. He caught your hands the second time, in a softer grip. 

"I know." 

"I know that our world is cruel. We don't experience the same as the others but Y/n..if you'd maybe, just maybe, -"

"Maybe if you'd let me, i could be your safe space in this harsh world" 

Taeyong stated, looking at you with nothing but sincerity. 

You contemplate for a while, option tempting. You could run away and not be alone. But that would only ruin his image. You blink your tears away, shaking your head. 

"No Tae.. You don't deserve to waste your life following me. You deserve so much better than that" you said, breaking free from his grip once again, smiling at him with a heavy heart before making your way out the door.

Taeyong felt his own eyes glaze over, watching his friend walk out the door, maybe now towards the exit and out towards freedom. 

When Taeyong looked at you, he saw a reflection of himself. A helpless, broken young adult wanting nothing more than love and solitude. 

But now that you're gone, Taeyong was left alone, with no one to confide in. 

And worse, he was left without a reflection. 

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

would you ever write a jaeden x evans!reader pregnancy scare?🥰

Literally hold on hold on hold on I need a minute I- I love this???? I’m doing this a headcanon because the thoughts are truly coming fast and furious. 

You and Jae were practically adults, so you did adult things. One of them included going to get birth control with you because your dad did not want to be involved. 

You were being safe, obvi- you were using condoms AND your birth control of choice because the last thing you two needed was a teen pregnancy scandal and you weren’t sure if you even wanted kids in the future. 

You’d been a little stressed, but not necessarily more than usual, and you noticed something. Your period always came on the 21st of each month and this time it just didn’t. You could predict it, down to the hour, but this time you couldn’t. It was a week late before you really got worried because you knew stress could make it late. 

So you went to our good ole friend WebMD, even though you knew you really shouldn’t be reading it, and of course it told you that your birth control could still mess up. So could condoms. So could every other safety measure the two of you were using. So that freaked you out.

You called your friends and they said that you at least needed to tell him, and to be honest you didn’t want to be alone, especially if you were pregnant with his baby.

You were more worried about what he would want to do more than how he would react - because your dad would let you do whatever you felt like you needed to do, you’d had the conversation many times and he always tried to understand, but you had no idea how he would. 

So you invited him over when your dad wasn’t home and took him down to the drugstore, and as you were driving, your stomach started hurting. You sighed.

“Jae, I think I’m pregnant,” you said softly, worried about what he would say. You pulled into the drugstore parking lot and it was like admitting it out loud finally made the tears come out. You started crying and you tried not to look at him because what if he was mad? What if he was ashamed? What if he blamed you?

“We’ll figure it out, okay?” He said, moving a hand to your back to comfort you. “I love you and we’ll figure this out. You want me to go in with you?” You nodded and tried to calm down. He handed you his water bottle and made you drink before you went inside the store. You grabbed two types of tests and he refused to let you pay for them, and then you went back to the empty house. 

“How long does it take to come back?” He asked as he sat down on your bed. 

“Three minutes. I’ll do one first and then the other, and then if it’s positive, I’ll do a blood test.” He nodded and pulled you over to him for a minute.

“I love you no matter what, okay?” You nodded and went into the bathroom to do the first one. You did what it told you to do and handed it to him, sitting down beside him. You didn’t know if you wanted to look, so you didn’t. You buried your face in his arm and let him stare at it. 

Three minutes later it beeped and he let out a heavy breath and you were sure it was positive. You looked up and he shook it.

“It’s broken,” he said. “The screen is broken.” 

“That’s what the second one’s for, I guess,” you sighed. You got up and watched his sad eyes as you went back into the bathroom, alone. But as soon as you were about to pee on the second test, you felt something dripping. Blood. You got your period. 

“Oh my god!” You said loudly. You scrambled to put a tampon in and then ran out of the room, handing him the test.

“What?” He asked. “Babe?” 

“I got my period,” you said, pointing out the stain on the test. 

“Oh, thank God,” he replied. 

“Oh, fuck yeah!” You said loudly, jumping up and down out of excitement. 

“You scared me so bad,” he said, jumping up too and hugging you tightly as a smile came over his face. “I love you, but I don’t know if I want kids, right now or, like, ever, so...”

“High five.” The two of you high fived and continued celebrating as you called all of your friends to tell them that your pesky period was a week late just for fun, evidently. 

[neowinestainedress]

↬  title: There is a glorious sunrise, dappled with the flickers of light.  ↬  CHAP 1 | CHAP 2 |  ↬  pairings: jung jaehyun x kim doyoung ; jung jaehyun x dong sicheng ; lee taeyong x kim doyoung | side suh johnny x lee ten ↬  summary: After seven years in heaven with Doyoung, an unexpected divorce shakes Jaehyun’s life upside down and it seems impossible for him to move on. But Jaehyun finds out that past the curses and cries, there is happiness and forgiveness. ↬  genre: Divorce | Post-divorce | Mild hurt/comfort | Strangers to FWB to lovers | Getting together | Single parent | Adopted children | Angst with an happy ending | Family feels | Family fluff | Aged-up characters ↬  warnings: In this chapter just divorce and the aftermath of it.  ↬  words count: 10.6k   ↬  ao3 link

Chapter one: There’ll be happiness after me

Jaehyun always called himself a dreamer. A hopeless romantic, some may say.

Jaehyun believed in forever. Since he was young he would lose himself in endless pages about people finding ‘the one’ and staying by their side till the end. He knew that someday it would’ve been his turn to experience something like that, it was written somewhere in the stars that he would’ve had his happy ending, his perfect love story with ‘the one’.

Jaehyun believed he had found the one when his eyes started to get lost in Doyoung’s after they met during their first year of college. He didn’t plan any of what came after when their gaze first met, but he loved the way destiny pulled them closer day by day. The dates planned with Johnny’s help, his best friend, who somehow also managed to know Doyoung very well and bring him with him on every occasion. Their nights spent talking together on Yuta’s dorm rooftop when his parties would get too loud and they needed to breathe again. He loved how they would casually talk about their life plans having no idea they would’ve been part of them in the future.

Jaehyun really believed in a forever between them. He had started to believe in it when they moved together in a small two-room apartment to share the rent the second year of college and sharing the same small places brought them a strange sense of joy. Somehow, coming home to him was enough to help him relief from the stress that the hundred of missing essays and exams gave him. Somehow, washing dishes and doing the laundry was a little bit funnier with Doyoung by his side, moving around the house repeating whatever he had to study about statistics and financial risks. And it was funny to laugh at their friends telling them they wouldn’t have lasted for more than three months together when the months passed became six. And it was also funnier to giggle and blush when, giving up on their break up, their friends started to call them ‘the married couple’ of the group.

Jaehyun started to believe in a forever, even more, when they started to live together even after college, their relationship still going strong. And when they became the first married couple of their group of friends for real, after three years together.

Maybe he had believed in it a little bit too much. So much that when the music stopped and he was left alone dancing with no sound on, he felt like a fool. The spell had broken and he didn’t notice. He was so lost, high up in the sky, blinded by a fake positivity, that he didn’t think how bad it would’ve hurt once he fell down.

He always tried to see the good in every situation. But now, that he was brought back down to earth, he could see it for what it was.

It was the end. They had reached the finish line.

“Maybe we rushed things too much,” Doyoung said standing in front of the other side of the table in the middle of their kitchen. Jaehyun wasn’t looking at him, he was giving him his back, his hands resting on the countertop. He couldn’t put himself to look in his eyes, not when in them there was no love left for him, anymore.

“After seven years, Doyoung?” He asked, bitterness filling his voice as he spat out his full name. No pet names or lovey-dovey, there was no place for them anyway in their story.

“I wanted to give us a try till the end, Jae,” The black-haired man tried to explain. He wanted to get closer to his husband, trying to calm him down, maybe with a hug, that was something that always worked. But now, was that his position to do something like this?

“Was it something that I did or said? Is there a way I can change? Anything to help this get better?” Jaehyun mumbled through sobs, his hands moving swiftly trying to wipe the tears from his face, his back still turned. He hated being vulnerable, usually with anyone but Doyoung, but now he was the cause of all the pain, and he didn’t want him to see him in that condition. But Doyoung knew him too well. And even without looking, he could picture him in his mind. His beautiful warm brown eyes glossy, his soft cheeks flushed red and marked by the salty drops, his lips swollen from the bites of his teeth trying to hold in the sobs. Doyoung hated that sight, and he hated even more that it was because of him.

“No, you didn’t do anything. Is just…” The older stopped, not so sure about the words that were going to come after. He knew Jaehyun was already hurting, he didn’t want to twist the knife in his open wound.

“Is just? Say it, Dodo. Don’t beat around the bush.” Mumbled the brown-haired turning around. Fuck trying not to be weak in front of his eyes. Doyoung had already seen him at his worst, and he didn’t care if now his eyes weren’t his welcoming home anymore. He had to see him, to see his lips move while pronouncing words that would’ve haunted him forever.

“I feel like this is not my place anymore.” This time the one hiding was the oldest. His eyes met the floor as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth, he didn’t want to see Jaehyun’s pretty eyes sadden even more and his face drop into pain. But he didn’t need that, because the choked sob coming from Jaehyun’s lips was more than enough to hurt like a knife in the chest.

“Yoonoh, please,” Doyoung tried to say starting to move closer to the other man, his hand reaching for his husband.

“Don’t call me that and don’t you dare touch me!” He screamed taking some steps back. It wasn’t supposed to come out so cruel and aloof. The normal Jaehyun would’ve slapped himself for this kind of reaction, but now he was dealing with a pain he never imagined to feel. Doyoung was supposed to come home like any other day, hug him from behind, leave a trail of kisses on his neck and then reach for his lips. They were supposed to eat dinner together, do the dishes, and then plunge on the sofa to watch something on the TV together. They were supposed to leave it as a background sound while they made love to each other and then fell asleep there, just to wake up in the middle of the night because one of them fell on the ground. Jaehyun had planned everything but this. Doyoung wasn’t supposed to come home three hours before the usual just tell him that they needed to talk and then ask for a divorce. And no matter how much he knew that he needed to let go, he just couldn’t. Jaehyun couldn’t believe that that was the destiny written for them. Where was his happy ending? Where was his forever? Why Doyoung wasn’t the one?

And letting himself fall against the kitchen cabinet was a childish thing to do, he was a twenty-seven years old man, yet he couldn’t bring his legs to carry him to their bedroom and fall apart there. He couldn’t even force himself to deal with all of it like an adult.

Doyoung’s heart broke into a million pieces, that was the exact reason why he hesitated so much to drop the news. He knew Jaehyun would’ve reacted that way, and he didn’t want to witness that.

“Jaehyun, please.” He tried once again to step closer to him, but somehow the younger would crouch further against the cabinet.

“It’s because there’s somebody else, right? You found someone better than me.” Jaehyun started to mumble, his watery eyes looking up at Doyoung’s and his lower lip shaking.

“No, there’s nobody else, don’t be stupid.” That was one of Jaehyun’s biggest fear, they had talked about it several times, since the first years of their relationship, and normally he would’ve answered with ‘There’s nobody better than you’ but saying it now, would’ve felt like a joke. Doyoung was still convinced than almost none could come close to Jaehyun, or else he wouldn’t have loved him for such a long time, but right now it felt out of place. He was the one leaving.

Jaehyun sighed and got up once again. “Well, whoever it is I hope they’ll be a beautiful fool.” He said moving past him, their shoulders brushing against each other. And normally he would’ve never said something like this, but he couldn’t think past the anger and fury and regret. Maybe if nobody would’ve been able to take his spot next to him he would’ve come back, right? Maybe they were destined to be together, they just need to take a wider route. But he knew that it was a wishful thinking and a delusional dreaming. That was their last stop.

“Why?” He kept repeating under his breath as he paced back and forth in the living room of their house. He knew that Doyoung didn’t own him anything. It was life, people come and people go. You can’t do anything to make them stay if they don’t want to. You can’t force somebody to love you once the thrill expires. But the pill is hard to swallow when you had other plans in mind. When you dared to dream too far and reality collides with it, crushing your fantasies into pieces.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung called him, trying to gain his attention. And he turned around. “I loved you so damn much, every single day that we spent together was filled with love. I just don’t feel the thrill of before. It’s like our story turned from gold to grey. I just can’t picture me being by your side in the future.” Doyoung knew that his words were like stabs but he also knew that Jaehyun needed to know. Maybe now he would throw a framed picture or a vase at him, but in the future, when he could rationalize everything, he would’ve got why he was doing this.

“But why?” Jaehyun’s words came out strangled and unusually high for his warm baritone voice.

“I don’t know.” And it was true. Doyoung had no idea how to explain what he felt. He could still remember the pain when he started to feel that something was off. When waking up with Jaehyun by his side stopped giving him the same usual strength to get up and face a hard day at work. Or when coming home he just wanted to eat, take a shower and go to bed instead of talking with his husband. He didn’t know when he started to fake smiles when his mother invited them at lunch on Sundays and asked about their future plans together. He had no idea why Jaehyun started to fade and his sparkling shining golden aura turned into a faded bronze.

“So you’re leaving me for no reasons?” Jaehyun asked, sniffling.

“I –” Doyoung stopped, a heavy breath coming out of his mouth.

“What I deserve I guess.” He huffed running his fingers through his hair, pulling them back.

“I know why I’m leaving you. I don’t know why I started to feel like this! Do you think I’m happy that our story has to end like this? Do you think I thought of this when I married you? Do you think it’s going to be easy for me?” Doyoung raised his voice in frustration. He hated fighting with Jaehyun. It wasn’t something that happened so often but when it did it was hell. Jaehyun was so headstrong and didn’t want to listen to anybody, he would simply close in his shell and leave you out, with few or no answers. Then he would usually calm down, and come back to talk, but now they had no time for this.

“But that’s what you want, Do. How hard is going to be for you if the divorce is going to be the one thing to make you happy?” Jaehyun retorted.

Doyoung didn’t answer. Jaehyun was right. That was what he wanted because he knew that staying with him didn’t bring him happiness anymore. But for Jaehyun, he still was a source of happiness, the one he imagined to spent his whole life with. And he couldn’t compare their pain. So silence was the best thing he could give him.

And Jaehyun wanted to keep on whining, screaming questions that simply wouldn’t have found any answers. He felt lost. What was going to be of him? No, he wasn’t addicted to Doyoung, he knew that he could survive by himself, but the fact that he couldn’t see the clearer picture terrorized him. He wanted to ask him to hug him, he wanted to let himself go in his arms, the ones who always calmed him down. He wanted to feel the warmth of his body for the last time, bury his face in the crook of his collarbones and breath in his scent. He wanted to hear his soft voice whisper in his ears that everything was going to be fine. He wanted to pretend that everything was fine. That all of that was just a terribly realistic nightmare. But at what cost? Of being hurt even more when reality would’ve hit him once again?

His eyes flickered to Doyoung’s, trying to still see himself in them, but there was no trace anymore. A sad smile painted his face and then his head faced the floor again. The cold hit him all of a sudden, Doyoung wasn’t his homeland anymore. And there was nothing he could do to change it. There was nothing to defend anymore, now that their land wasn’t theirs anymore.

Another heavy sigh left Jaehyun’s lips, while his hand tried to cancel the marks the tears had left on his face. He felt like his soul had been sucked away from him and he just wanted to sleep, maybe in another place, he would’ve had a happy ending. Yet, he wasn’t doing anything. Jaehyun was standing still, in the middle of their living room, looking outside of the window, with his arms wrapped around himself, the only hug he could count on at the moment.

The green outside was too bright, too hopeful for him. Right now he just wanted to add sadness to his pain and cry all the liquids he had in his body, but it seemed like he already did. He hugged himself tighter, for the first time, Doyoung’s gaze on him made him feel naked like the one of a stranger. After he had shown him everything he had, all of his most vulnerable spots, he felt uncomfortable under his gaze. A river run down his spine, he couldn’t believe he was feeling like this in front of him. And feeling so unfamiliar under his gaze made him wonder, will he ever be able to let somebody else get as deep under his skin as Doyoung got? He shivered at the thought of opening up to somebody else, of other hands touching him, other lips kissing him. He couldn’t imagine that.

He gave a quick look ad Doyoung another time. The man was leaning against the back of the couch, his hands in the pocket of his suit pants and his head bent looking at his feet.

“I’m sleeping in the host bedroom,” He whispered before walking upstairs quickly, without waiting for the other to answer. He didn’t want to sleep in their bed, or what used to be theirs. He knew that knowing he was under the same roof without being his anymore would’ve consumed him enough.

When he arrived in the bedroom he stopped in front of the mirror. He looked like a ghost. His hair messy and wet from the sweat that pearled his forehead, his white shirt crumpled, his eyes red like his lips and cheeks. He felt so pathetic, he was supposed to face things differently, not like a teenager who just got dumped. But how could he take it well after all the years he had given to Doyoung? Jaehyun knew that it would’ve got better. That one day the cold he felt as soon as his body came in contact with the lonely bed would’ve disappeared. He knew that he would’ve walked out of that door with a genuine smile on his face. He knew he would’ve reinvented himself, and started to feel something once again. He knew there would’ve been brighter days, but now he just wanted to fall in the oblivion of his sadness. He had just lost the love of his life out of the blue. He couldn’t face being positive. He couldn’t face reinvention.

༄

Jaehyun tried to be his old positive self one week after that talk. Maturity had hit him, and he realized that being petty wouldn’t have led him anywhere. He didn’t want Doyoung to feel guilty for something he had all the rights to do and to feel. He also didn’t want to stain their relationship with bad blood. He woke up, trying to wear his best smile, and see the good in that situation like he always did. He tried to go past everything that had happened in the last seven days. But it wasn’t easy looking at Doyoung packing his things up and discuss what he would’ve taken away with him and what would’ve stayed there. Not when memories of them moving in together popped in Jaehyun’s mind every time the older pointed at something to ask him if he wanted it or he could’ve taken it away. And Jaehyun used to shrug almost at everything, he could’ve taken everything, maybe it would’ve helped him to forget him and don’t find him in every corner of the house.

“Are you staying at yours?” Jaehyun dared to ask, knowing damn well that if the answer would’ve been different he would’ve hated it.

Doyoung shook his head. “I’m staying at Donghyuck’s place for a while. I haven’t told my family, yet.” He admitted, his eyes timidly searching for Jaehyun’s. And it felt too strange how their eyes would avoid each other, stealing glances like thieves in the night. It felt like going back to when they first met, but now there wasn’t the excitement of getting to know each other, now there was the fear of hurting each other.

Jaehyun nodded, his lower lip trapped in his teeth, typical of him when he was embarrassed and didn’t know what to say. And he thought that he also didn’t say anything to his parents, or his friends. How do you even say something like this? Why nobody ever teaches you how to deal with bad things? Was a text too harsh to communicate that he wasn’t going to spend the rest of his life with Doyoung anymore? Was it too selfish when he didn’t feel to talk about it with anyone and have to sit there and look at the pity in their eyes?

“Did you– did you already contacted a lawyer?” The younger stuttered.

Doyoung sighed and got up from his bent position over one of the boxes he was filling up with his stuff.

“I wanted to be sure we were doing this.” He said, looking straight at Jaehyun. He couldn’t read his expression, the younger had always been pretty good at hiding his emotion anyway, he couldn’t expect anything else now. “Maybe we can take a pause if you don’t wan–”

“No,” Jaehyun stopped him before he could finish. “I’m fine with a divorce if that’s what you want.” There was no use to tergiversate. Being on a break and for what? Hoping that the flame of love would’ve sparkled inside of Doyoung again all of a sudden; just to be let down once again. No matter how much he hated or didn’t plan this, it was their end, and he had to accept it.

That was supposed to be the hardest part, right? Past all the devastation of the surprise. Past the screams, the curses and cries. Beyond the terror of the night falling on him without Doyoung by his side. He was already halfway there, he just had to let go.

“So, I’ll let you know as soon as I know something,” Doyoung voice sounded tight in his throat as he was standing out of the door. His things packed up in his car, parked in their driveway. It hurt to leave. Because, yes, that was what he wanted but he and Jaehyun had shared so much that actually letting him go wasn’t easy. They had been friends before being lovers. They had been best friends before being boyfriends. They had each other’s back every day before being husbands. Jaehyun was his partner in crime. His other half. The support he knew he could always count on. Jaehyun had been such an important part of his life and now, he wasn’t so sure of letting him behind. But he couldn’t stay, not because of a wave of melancholy or out of pity and habit. No matter how much he deeply cared for Jaehyun, his side wasn’t his place anymore and he couldn’t force himself there.

“Yeah, okay.” Jaehyun simply answered, his hand resting on the door to keep it open. “Drive safely,” He said, with a smile on his face. ‘And let me know when you arrive safe and sound’ he wanted to add, but that simply wasn’t his place anymore. Doyoung would’ve never sent him texts like that again, to let him know that he made it at work, or to the pub when he would go out with his friends on Saturdays. No more texts letting him know he had eaten the food he had cooked for him and it was delicious. No more calls at 3 p.m. because Doyoung didn’t want to deal with clients at work, also distracting Jaehyun from his job. And especially no more kisses at the door, the rushed ones because one of them had to go to work while the other worked from home. Or the rushed one in the car when Jaehyun used to drop him off before driving to his office. And his smile turned bitter when he realised that one of those had been their last and he had no idea. If he only knew, maybe he would’ve kissed him longer and held him tighter, screw it arriving late at work.

“See you, then,” Doyoung said scratching his head, bringing him back to earth, an awkward smile on his face.

Jaehyun held back the urge to launch forward and kiss him because Doyoung looked so beautiful. From the way his sweet eyes shined, so kind yet so captivating, to his perfect cheekbones and the way his hair would fall on his forehead perfectly. And also because he was afraid he would forget way too soon how his lips tasted.

“Yeah, see you,” He whispered instead, pushing down the lump in his throat. The realization that probably the next time he would’ve seen him would’ve been in a court hit him harder than expected. No more of seeing his eyes close to his, or feel his breath on his skin. No more getting lost in his kisses. No more tracing path on his tender skin with his fingers.

Now that Doyoung’s back was facing him he realized that he would’ve never seen it again when he would lay on their bed, and Doyoung would spend minutes facing the closet to pick what to wear after the shower. Or in the morning at the countertop while he would sleepily cook breakfast for both of them. Jaehyun would’ve never let his face sink into his shoulder and let the scent of his hair lull him.

Another sad smile crept on his face as he closed the door and let his body rest on it.

Jaehyun would’ve loved him for a lifetime. But he had to leave it all behind. All of the pain. And all of the happiness.

He had to leave it all behind.

༄

“A divorce?” Johnny asked with his eyes wide open, he didn’t want to sound so shocked but that wasn’t what he expected when his best friend called him to go over to his place for their usual Tuesday night together.

“Yeah, there’s nothing we can do anymore, John.” The younger man whispered as he swirled the whiskey in his glass. A bitter smile on his face.

“And he’s okay with it?” The other asked, moving uncomfortably in his seat. No, it wasn’t his life, but he had seen them getting together back when they all went to college, he had been Jaehyun’s best man at their wedding, he had helped them move in, and now, this. He always thought they were one of the strongest couples in their circle of friends, that was the last thing he expected to come from them.

“I mean, he asked me this.” If there was someone not okay with all of this was Jaehyun, not Doyoung. But what else was he supposed to do? Stump his feet on the ground, scream and cry, and make Doyoung stay out of pity? He had thought about it when alcohol drowned his blood and he attempted to call him in the middle of the night. But he gave up, and instead, he dragged his body on their bedroom, letting his acid tears wet the pillow were Doyoung used to lay his head. What was left of his scent, lulling him to sleep.

Johnny’s eyes widened even more. He wanted to ask so many questions, but he kept quiet. He was more than sure that Jaehyun didn’t want to talk. Not about that at least.

“Do you want to stay here for a while?” Johnny asked, pushing his hair back with a hand, and leaning closer to his friend with his upper body, trying to get a better view of him.

Jaehyun thought about it for a while, was that going to change something? He was supposed to go back to what used to be their place anyway, sooner or later. He sighed, pushed down in one go the liquid in the glass and then answered. “No, thanks. I’ll be fine.”

But Jaehyun wasn’t fine at all.

And right there where they used to share their everything, Jaehyun wondered when it all went wrong. When did they start to walk on a thin line? Step after step balancing on a tightrope. When did they fall down? Why he couldn’t see the sign? If Doyoung ever gave him a warning sign. And maybe he did, maybe Doyoung was screaming for help, begging to be heard. And Jaehyun didn’t get it, too busy trying to paint their canvas gold instead of repairing the damages. But Jaehyun didn’t have superpowers, he couldn’t read his mind, no matter how hard he tried or wanted.

Probably he should’ve seen it. When his enthusiasm in holding conversations at dinner faded, and he would move the food from side to side of the plate. He should’ve got that something was wrong when his smiles turned into smirks most of the times. He should’ve seen it when Doyoung would shrink away in the bed, giving him his back and not wanting to be hugged.

Jaehyun could’ve noticed so many things, and dwell in regret, but what was the point now? He couldn’t turn things around or go back in time. But he wondered if Doyoung had secretly given them second, third and hundred changes. And if he did, he was mad at him for not speaking up. For keeping everything under the rug, trying to put the pieces back up by himself. Because Jaehyun would’ve done anything to not shipwreck and save their relationship. Maybe nothing would’ve changed anyway, but at least he would’ve given it a try, and that would’ve made it easier for him to sleep at night without being haunted by regret.

Another thought that haunted him was when did Doyoung start to mentally already be out of the door? When was the last sincere ‘I love you’ that rolled out of Doyoung’s lips? He thought of their last kiss, shared that morning before Doyoung left for work, and suddenly the taste on his lips turned bittersweet. There was no love in it, and in so many other things they did in the last, he didn’t know how many, months.

That hurt him the most. Knowing that there was no love left for him, anymore.

But he hated the most how his brain would constantly bring him back to him. A constant reminder that he wasn’t there. Day and night, on and on.

Jaehyun couldn’t find a way to put a closure to them.

Not even when the closure arrived legally.

Jaehyun’s heart ached when he saw Doyoung standing at the other side of the room. His fit body wrapped in one of his usual suit and tie attire, with his shiny shoes at the feet. His black hair pulled back, showing perfectly his painfully handsome forehead and face. He looked unreal, as always since he met him. And from the outside, it looked like a perfectly usual day, with Doyoung dressed like that ready to go to work and come home. But it wasn’t like this. Because now, the one left on the outside was Jaehyun, looking inside at the film reel that was showing a story that wasn’t there anymore.

It had been three months since he had seen him last when they started the practice for the divorce. And now they needed to seal the deal and put a serious end to it all. It felt strange, a few minutes and they weren’t going to be married anymore even for the law. Memories of their wedding flashed before his eyes, it was crazy how a sign could tie somebody ‘forever’ and another one could tear them apart.  

“So, it’s done.” Jaehyun shrugged with his hands in his pocket as soon as they were outside the court. They were standing next to each other, for no particular reason. They weren’t tied anymore, their red string of fate broken, yet, they couldn’t move away from each other. It strangely felt nice, though. Probably because they were both staring at the crowded street in front of them, full of moms carrying their babies in the strollers, people walking their dogs, others running to work. They could somehow get lost inside other’s people lives and don’t focus on theirs who had just changed forever.

“Yes, it’s done,” Doyoung answered, his eyes looking at the ground for a brief second. He didn’t feel the heavy weight lift from his heart when he signed the papers and he wondered why. Was it because there was no bad blood between them and it was harder to let go? Or maybe because he feared he would’ve lost Jaehyun forever. But could he ask him to stay friends after everything they had? How selfish would have that been?

“Well, what people usually say after this?” Jaehyun asked giggling, turning to the side to face him. His ears tinted with a shy shade of red.

“I have no idea,” Doyoung let out a small laugh. “I guess people usually tell the other to fuck off forever, but I think that’s not the case, right?” He asked, fearing that in reality that was the case. In the end, he kind of deserved it after all the hurting he had cause to Jaehyun without being even able to give him a reason.

“Nope, definitely not us.” The youngest answered with a small smile on his face, and his dimple appeared shyly for a fragment. Doyoung would’ve missed it. He knew he would’ve missed a lot of things about Jaehyun that had made his day for the last seven years. That wasn’t his home anymore, but it had been, and he could never regret it. But he also felt that something better was waiting for them in the future, they would’ve found their happy ending, ‘the one’, their place in the world.

When silent filled the air around them once again, Doyoung started to nervously move on the spot. That was really the end of their story and it felt surreal because he seriously had thought they were the lucky ones. And Doyoung always hated being proven wrong. Or maybe they were the ones. People always say that, right, the right person at the wrong time. Maybe if they had met each other now. Maybe if they hadn’t changed so much through the years. But what was the sense of filling a blank page of ‘What Ifs’ when the reality was different?

“I still have something to take from home, I forgot some things.” The oldest mumbled, trying to fix a strand of hair that was falling from the one who was still sticking together with the gel. No, he wasn’t so sure about it. But it was an excuse to come back again and properly say goodbye to what had been his home for the last years of his life, and see him again.

“You can pass anytime, you know my routine.” The brown-haired noted. ‘You were part of it until a few time ago’ He wanted to add, but didn’t. There was no need to remind him, Doyoung knew it.

“Great,” Doyoung exclaimed, clapping his hand together to cut it out. “I’ll text beforehand so I’ll be sure I won’t bother you.”

“Fine. See you!” Jaehyun answered as he watched him go again. “You won’t ever bother me.” He added in a whisper, just for himself.

And as he watched Doyoung’s disappear from his sight, his heart ached in his chest. It felt like he had been sent away from his homeland, his crown, with no chance of coming back. In exile, seeing him from the outside. Doyoung wasn’t his crown anymore. There was nothing more to defend, now. And he had to accept it.

༄

The Christmas lights were all over the city. From the decoration of the houses to the big illuminations in the streets. The first snow had already fallen on the city and the white snowflakes were still laying on top of every surface they found when they fell from the sky.

The cold was starting to get on Jaehyun’s nerve, his nose red and frozen, the heat given to his hands cupping his face not enough to warm him up.

“Johnny! Are you done?” He asked lightly jumping on the spot to at least try not to freeze his knees too and walk around like Pinocchio.

“I’m almost there. Just this small thing for Mark, he’s coming back from Canada.” His best friend screamed, still busy with his nose buried in one of those small open boutiques in the busy square where they held Christmas markets.

Jaehyun had no idea why Johnny always procrastinated in everything and mostly he had no idea why he would always follow him everywhere. Usually, he wouldn’t have minded much since Christmas was his favourite holiday. It meant staying with his loved ones, hot chocolate in the evening, the same old movies on the TV, making biscuits on Christmas Eve and wrapping up gifts. Usually, he wouldn’t even have minded staying in the frozen cold for hours just because Johnny needed to buy thousand of things last minute and getting his arms numb. Because that would’ve made his home feel cosier once he got back and after hanging his scarf and coat on the clothing hanger he would’ve collapsed in Doyoung’s arms who were waiting for him open as he laid on the couch. And they would’ve laughed about something stupid Johnny had done or said. Just to drink hot tea side by side with their silly matching pyjamas, the ones Jaehyun insisted so much to buy. But his home had gotten pretty cold that winter. He couldn’t feel the Christmas spirit all around him. He didn’t even put up decorations. What was the point anyway if his hands wouldn’t have met Doyoung’s while putting up the lights, or he couldn’t hear Doyoung screaming against the garland who had no intention to stay on the wall. And what was the need of the Christmas tree if the only gift he wanted that year was something he could never have back?

“You’re zoning out again, Jae.” Johnny’s voice brought him back to reality, a sigh left his lips forming a white cloud in front of his face.

“Sorry.” He mumbled looking down at all the bags Johnny was carrying with him. “All of these gifts and for who?”

“You, Ten, Mark, Yuta, my parents, the lil’ girl of our neighbour, oh and the old lady that lives on the other side of the road, she always brings me and Ten biscuits and home-made blankets, she’s so sweet. Some of my co-workers, and other people that you don’t know. Oh also Do–” Johnny stopped immediately when he realized the name that was about to roll out of his lips.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes at the sky. “You can say his name in front of me, John. I’m not going to die if you talk about him.” He said. “Also hand me some of these. You look like Santa Claus.” He joked grabbing some of the bags the older was holding.

“Well, I don’t want to say something out of place,” Johnny told him as soon as they started to walk towards Johnny’s car.

“You were friends with him before me, so I don’t see where there’s a problem.” Jaehyun reminded him.

“The problem is in the way you stopped seeing the light of the sun unless I drag you out of the house, Mister Jung,” Johnny remarked, side-eyeing him.

Jaehyun scoffed. “I’m fine, Johnny.”

“Lie to your face in the mirror, not me. I know you since we were in diapers, Yoonoh.” The man said, stopping in his tracks, to give him a bad look.

“Fine,” He gave up, raising his hands in the air. “And what should I do about it?”

“Don’t know, maybe get out? Drag your fine ass somewhere and get some dick like you used to do.”

“Johnny! For fuck sake, shut up!” He screamed, his face turning completely red from embarrassment. Why did he have to be like that?

“I didn’t lie.” He raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t intend to do it.” Jaehyun asserted.

“Why not? You’re just twenty-seven. Don’t act like your life his over.” Johnny whined almost as if he would gain something from him starting to do it. And maybe he would. He wouldn’t have to listen to him whine and cry about 'the wasted years of his life’ like he used to call him. He would’ve got the funny positive Jaehyun back. But it felt like a dream.

“I don’t have the age to go clubbing and come back at two, John.” He rolled his eyes again. “And hook up with random people?” He squealed, just the mere thought disgusting him.

“Don’t act like you couldn’t get any.”

“That’s not the point! I’m not looking for a random adventure.” He explained. He rarely did that when he was in high school, imagine now.

“You really have a thing for commitment, ugh?” Johnny asked tilting his head. They had arrived at the car and Johnny opened the trunk to put the bags inside.

Jaehyun didn’t answer, he simply gave him side eyes and helped with his stuff.

Once the engine was on and they started to make their way in the city traffic, Johnny brought up the conversation again. “Listen, let me be serious.”

“Finally, thank God,” Jaehyun exclaimed, letting his head fall against the seat.

“Hey!” Johnny screamed, hitting his arm playfully. “Anyway, I’m not telling you to go back in the game, yet. I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you, but you can still have some fun, you know?”

Jaehyun’s face contorted in disgust another time. “And how? Downloading some app so I’ll be opening the door to a creepy man who’s real plan is to kill me? Or go to the club and take a woman home and boom, since God’s not by my side she’ll end up pregnant someway?”

“Why do you always have to see the bad picture, you weren’t like this!” Johnny exhaled through his nose, his hands tighten on the wheel out of frustration.

“Exactly, and look at where it led me being all positive and shit.” He burst out moving his hands frenetically.

Another sigh left Johnny’s mouth. The situation was more tragic than what he expected. He knew that it wouldn’t have been all sunshine and rainbows but he couldn’t see his best friend like this. He decided to drop the conversation, though. He had to come up with a great idea Jaehyun couldn’t refuse instead of making him go crazy. So the rest of the drive went on smoothly, with music playing in the background and the two of them talking about this and that.

“Thanks for the ride home,” Jaehyun said once Johnny entered his driveway, one hand on the car door handle ready to go out.

“Thank you for coming and pull up with my shits. I swear that your Christmas gift is going to make it up for all of this.” Johnny said, a bright smile painted on his face.

Jaehyun smiled with his eyes, something Johnny had stopped witnessing so often. “Nah, you know I like spending time with you like this. It reminds me of when we were younger.”

“Wait!” Johnny screamed rolling down the window. “Why don’t you come to our party on the 22nd? Ten told me that one of his friends from the dance academy course in French is coming over, if I don’t remember wrong he’s also your age.”

Jaehyun wanted to roll his eyes again, Johnny really wasn’t throwing the towel. But instead, he thought for a while and then agreed. What could go wrong?

Everything, actually.

It wasn’t even Jaehyun’s fault. He went there with the best intentions, even quite convinced of letting himself go for one night and, why not, give a shot to Ten’s friend. He deserved a sparkle of happiness, right? Wallowing in his misery wasn’t leading to anywhere good.

And now Jaehyun was standing in his friends’ hall, leaning against the white wall with a glass of champagne in hand looking around the room. One hour had passed since he had arrived and Ten’s friend was nowhere to be seen. And in all of that, Johnny had forgotten to say that they had also invited Doyoung to the party. Worst of it all it was that Doyoung had brought along somebody else.

Jaehyun wanted to leave. Run at home and cry in his bed till he passed out. But at the same time, he didn’t want to seem weak in front of his friends and his ex-husband. He knew that leaving would’ve made him the centre of their conversations with Johnny sighing and saying how bad he was affronting the situation. And as much as he liked his friends caring for him he also hated to be pitied, especially in front of the cause of his pain.

Tired of acting like a pillar for the wall he started to wander around the room. He had no idea since when Johnny and Ten started to have so many friends to call over, and why they enjoyed so much throwing parties. Probably it was all Ten’s fault, and the way he couldn’t leave his job as an event planner out of the house. It was good, though. Ten’s taste was great and similar to Jaehyun’s, delicate colours schemes and pretty decoration. And Johnny was good at cooking, making delicious finger foods laying on the table that they moved in the middle of the living room. Their house was also big enough to let people breathe and don’t crash against each other. But he used to enjoy this party way more the years that had passed. There were fewer people and he almost knew every single one of them. Now the place was full of unknown faces and the ones he knew were hurting him.

Thank God the kitchen was empty and he knew that Johnny let the pass inside only to few people, luckily he was one of them. He could breathe again and get ready to go back outside and face all the other happy faces. Maybe start talking with someone about everything and anything. He wasn’t so sure he wanted to hear about anyone’s happy families and their successful marriage, but he guessed it was still better than nothing.

One thing he wasn’t expecting on the way out was coming face to face with Doyoung. His breath got caught in his throat as he took a small step back, the distance between them increasing. That was the last thing he wanted to happen. Seeing him from distance was already bad enough but having to face him, oh hell no.

He had no idea if it was because it had been six months since had seen him last, but Doyoung looked even more breathtaking than the usual. His black hair was falling into places so perfectly on his face. He was wearing one of his favourite black turtleneck, a silver necklace that he couldn’t recognize, and black jeans. But then Jaehyun’s eyes fell on Doyoung’s hand just to see a ring that wasn’t theirs, and his heart skipped a beat.

“Hey.” Before he could focus more on it, Doyoung’s voice brought his attention back on him.

“H–hey,” He stuttered, suddenly feeling trapped. Doyoung had no intention to start a conversation with him, right? He wouldn’t have been so cruel, right?

“How’s it going? It’s been quite some time since we’ve seen each other.” Okay, Doyoung had chosen cruelty that day. And Jaehyun decided to be a fool and answer him. He should’ve made up a random excuse and leave. Say that he forgot something on the stoves. Or that he needed to turn down the heater he had forgotten on. But he decided to stay, and lie.

“Good. I’m doing great. What about you?” His same old fake smile that he would plaster in a situation like this popped on his face, but now Doyoung was too busy to notice it, too caught up in something else, or better, someone else, to decipher the messages behind Jaehyun unspoken words.

“That’s amazing. Johnny had told me you were a bit down?” Doyoung asked, worry written all over his face. And it would’ve warmed Jaehyun’s heart if he could only have the confirmation that it was real and not put there just because he had to.

“Oh no, I’ve been extremely busy with work lately and I also started to do graphic commission by myself, outside of the agency that’s why,” Jaehyun said smiling. Reminding himself to kill Johnny the first time he had the opportunity.

“Oh, wow. Want to go independent?” Doyoung asked and he sounded genuinely interested in it.

“Don’t know. Just wanted to try something else.” He smiled, the reality was that he was trying to fill his days with more work so he couldn’t think about anything else. Or to be more precise, he had no time to think about Doyoung. Staying up all night for him was already enough. Working on graphics of any kind meant to do hours of research, build a plan, make drafts and then put everything into work. He couldn’t let himself get lost into other things that hurt him more.

Doyoung nodded, pressing his lips in a thin line.

“You?” Jaehyun asked again, knowing damn well he would’ve hated the answer. Because Doyoung had nothing to lie about. He was happy without him.

“Mh, quite good. Same shit at work, I guess.” Doyoung laughed it off, leaving out the part of his love life and how happy he was. There was no need to be so cruel and shove in his face that he had found somebody else after nine months without him.

Jaehyun held back a laugh, he knew he was avoiding that topic because Doyoung was more than happy. He could see it in his relaxed face and in the way he was laughing happily when Jaehyun caught sight of him at the start of the night, with his arms around the other boy’s waist. There was no need to give him fake niceties when he knew damn well that Jaehyun had him written in the palm of his hands and could read him like the words of his favourite song. And he could see that Doyoung was shining, sparkling like a comet in the sky, who passed in his sky for a brief second and then moved on, destined to glow forever for somebody else.

“You’re here! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” A voice exclaimed all of sudden from behind Jaehyun. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.

“Yeah, I was catching up with –” Doyoung stopped in his track, not knowing what to say. Taeyong knew he was divorced but he never talked much about it and he also never seen a picture of him, there was no way he could recognize him, also he didn’t want to use the term ex-husband for some reason in front of Jaehyun.

“I’m Jaehyun.” The youngest said handing his hand to the man who came by Doyoung side, deciding to skip the awkward part of letting him know who he was in his past life.

The man smiled and shook his hand. “I’m Taeyong, nice to meet you.” Then he turned to Doyoung. “Johnny needs you upstairs for something, by the way.”

“Oh, right now?” He asked, his eyes moving fast between the two other men. Taeyong nodded and grabbed a glass of champagne from the stand by their side. “Coming with me?”

“No, he just wanted you.”

Doyoung stopped in his tracks and glanced back at Jaehyun worried.

Jaehyun smiled and though that Doyoung hadn’t met the new him, yet.

“Go, you know Johnny doesn’t like to wait. We’ll survive without you.” He joked, trying to assure Doyoung that there was no problem if he let them alone.

A small chuckle left Taeyong lips at his words and after a second of hesitation, Doyoung disappeared in the crowds of other people.

“You’re Johnny’s friend?” The blonde-haired man asked, turning around to look at him.

“Yeah, we’ve grown up together.” He said, taking a big gulp from his glass of champagne. He knew he needed it to survive. “You?” He added, trying to get the answer Doyoung was avoiding to give him.

“Oh, I’ve worked with Ten at an event and we quickly became friends.” He said smiling and Jaehyun frowned. Both because things weren’t adding up, he and Doyoung were way too close to not know each other, and also because he was incredibly handsome and the most immature part of him hated him. If he wanted, Taeyong could’ve stolen anyone’s man from their hands, there was no wonder Doyoung fell for him.

“And well, I’m also Doyoung’s boyfriend. You know, one thing leads to another and here we are.” He added, tilting his head to the side with a small smile on his face.

Jaehyun’s heart clung in his chest. He nodded, smiling bitterly and letting his eyes look down at his feet for a moment. Just enough for him to hide the pain at Taeyong’s eyes. 'Doyoung’s boyfriend’, and it wasn’t him.

“Are you dating someone?” The man asked, and in the sincerity of his voice, Jaehyun got that he had no idea who he was talking to. But he liked it that way. He hated fake niceties and pity. He was tired of the same mortified faces he got every time he talked with someone about his divorce, and he didn’t want them from his ex-husband’s boyfriend.

“No, and I really don’t plan too.” He said sarcastically.

Taeyong’s smile dropped, not getting where he was coming from.

“Coming out of a bad break-up after years together.” He answered his silent question, his lips pressing together in a tight smile that made both of his dimples pop out. And he could already see Taeyong’s sorry face.

“Don’t,” He warned, “I’m fine. Don’t say you’re sorry for something you didn’t do.”

Taeyong simply nodded and then stared at the ground.

“Tell me about you and Dodo, instead.”

And Taeyong face lit up again. His eyes sparkling as he started talking about this and that, and Jaehyun simply listened. How painful it was to hear somebody else talk about Doyoung like he was used to. And how hard it was to pretend he didn’t know anything so intimate about it, like the bad habit he had of leaving the wet towel on the sofa, or the spoon in the pan, or how soft he looked first thing in the morning with his sleepy gummy smile.

“You seem like an amazing couple,” Jaehyun affirmed genuinely once Taeyong finished.

Taeyong blushed. “Thanks, I’m really lucky to have him by my side.”

“Yes, you are,” Jaehyun said. “And he’s lucky to have you.” He added, swallowing the pain in his throat. Though, he wasn’t lying. Jaehyun was glad to know him in good hands, and Taeyong seemed a really good person.

Jaehyun knew that there would’ve been happiness after him. That was what Doyoung was looking for. The happiness Jaehyun wasn’t able to give him anymore. But he also knew that there had been happiness because of him, and they couldn’t delete all of that. He believed in that.

“Tell him I said hi.” He mumbled waving at the blond when he saw the black-haired coming down the stairs and started to walk away before he could hear his answer.

“Oh, sorry!” Somebody mumbled after crashing against him. His glass almost dropping from his hands.

“No, don’t worry, it’s fine.” He answered, trying to regain his composure. He didn’t even look at them and started to walk away, but a hand blocked him by the wrist. He sighed, not really in the mood to start a conversation with someone. He wanted to leave. His social battery had run low.

“Sorry, didn’t want to be rude. Are you Jaehyun?” The voice asked, and finally, he turned around. His eyes meeting a man around his age, with phoenix brown eyes, and chocolate brown hair falling on his forehead.

“Why?” Jaehyun snapped out of his momentary trance.

“I’m Ten’s friend.” He sputtered, embarrassment filling his voice. “Oh, he didn’t say anything. Forget I said anything.” He said, red in the face, realizing that the man in front of him had no idea of who he was, and turned around.

“No, wait!” Jaehyun yelled, stopping him just like he did with him before. “I’m Jaehyun. I knew one of his friend my age was coming over, just had no idea it was you.”

The men smiled after emitting a sigh of relief. “Typical of Ten.” He laughed, rolling his eyes. “I’m Sicheng.” He added, giving him his hand.

“Johnny’s not going to talk to me for a week when he realizes that I sneaked out of his party to go drink a beer in a bar with a stranger.” Jaehyun laughed after taking a sip from the pint.

Sicheng laughed and mirrored his action of putting the pint down on the small table in front of them. “I think he’s going to be more than okay with it, to be honest.” He teased, smirking and tilting his head to the side.

Jaehyun sighed and slumped his head against the palm of his head. “Damn, the situation is way more tragic than I was expecting if he told you about this setup.”

Another giggle slipped out of the man, who he later found out to be Chinese, lips.

“Actually,” he stated, “this was a set up also for me.” He admitted, face flushed in red.

“Really?”

Sicheng nodded, taking another gulp from the glass. He wasn’t sure about telling him his story, or why he was there, trying to find a new and better life, but at the same time, he didn’t want to keep many secrets to him. Nothing good starts with thousands of skeleton in the closet.

“What are you looking for, here?” Jaehyun asked, propping his chin with his elbow on the table.

Sicheng exhaled and let his back rest against the bench. “Happiness, I guess.” When Jaehyun expression changed and suddenly the mood became sadder he added, “Was that too deep?”

Jaehyun shook his head immediately and straightened his posture. “No. I’m looking for the same thing.”

The Chinese man took a breath of relief, a small smile appearing on his face. “I just want to breathe, you know? I tough that close to my thirties big surprises in my life would be over but destiny loves to prove you wrong.”

Jaehyun had no idea what he was talking about, but he could exactly get his point of view. Being almost thirty doesn’t mean that you’re old, or that your life is over, but starting from zero when you weren’t expecting certain things to happen wasn’t easy.

“So you opted for the ‘New country, new me’” He tried to ironize, adding quotation marks with his hands in the air.

“I guess,” Sicheng shrugged. “I needed to breathe fresh air and give my life a drastic change that would motivate me to move forward.”

“A break-up?” The other asked, raising his eyebrow, trying to guess what he was running away from.

Sicheng stilled for a second and mumbled: “Yes, just that.” And then added an embarrassed laugh. Jaehyun nodded, not totally convinced, but who was he to expect him to open up to him? They were strangers who were happening to be talking to each other.

“And you?” Sicheng asked, trying to change the topic from him and his life.

“Ugh,” he chuckled, “I just divorced after seven years, pretty much out of nowhere because everything seemed perfect for me but apparently it wasn’t.” He said, with a forced smile on his face, looking straight at Sicheng’s eyes.

Sicheng’s mouth hung open as he tried to find the words to say. “That sucks,” he let out before he could realize he had said it out loud. “No shit I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Dammit, that’s why I fuck everything up.” He started to mumble out covering his mouth every two words and looking everywhere but Jaehyun.

But instead of getting mad, a loud deep laugh resonated from Jaehyun’s chest. “Is this drunk you or are you normally like this?”

“I – I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that.”

“You didn’t offend me. It was the best reaction I received after I delivered the big news. It’s not a lie, it sucks.” He smiled, trying to reassure him. “Plus, I like that you’re honest.” He smirked.

“Was that an attempt to flirt?” Sicheng asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I hope I can do better than this while flirting.”

The night went on quite smoothly, Sicheng was nice and they matched unexpectedly well together. Yet, something was stopping Jaehyun from loosing up completely. They could’ve easily gone home together and have a one night stand, just to have some fun, but something about the mere thought of it felt so wrong.

“So, it was great.” He whispered, his head low and his feet moving nervously. The cold was getting in their bones, out of the pub, bidding their goodbyes.

“Yes, it was. We could exchange numbers.” Sicheng proposed, smiling warmly at him.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Jaehyun mumbled, taken aback, not expecting that to happen.

“Listen, I want to be honest with you,” Jaehyun said, putting his phone back in his pocket once they exchanged numbers. He waited for the other to nod and then went on. “I’m not looking for something romantic and serious right now.”

Sicheng smiled, a little bit bitterly and hung his head low. He had to expect it but he was still kind of sad about it. “Yeah, can imagine. It’s okay, I need friends anyway.”

“Yeah, me too. We can hang out more often.” He smiled.

“Sure, would love to.” Sicheng said, but there was a little problem, a small secret he had kept to himself for the whole night. Sicheng wasn’t so free of going out when he wanted to.

༄

Once at home, Jaehyun launched himself in his bed and let the sheets cover him completely. He wasn’t sad, he was frustrated. He hated how he couldn’t move on. Still stuck on the white pages of a book nobody would’ve kept on writing.

Why was it so hard for him to get over Doyoung? And why Doyoung already forgot him? Was he so easy to be replaced?

He got up, throwing the sheets to the side and made his way to the kitchen. Some water would’ve helped, and also made him avoid a hangover the morning after.

But the haunting thoughts had no intention to drown themselves.

Usually, divorces were never painful, it was something both people wanted, and in the cases where somebody wasn’t okay with it, there were economical issues or children in between. But there wasn’t the case.

Jaehyun couldn’t make the pain go away, in any way. He couldn’t make it go away by painting Doyoung as a villain, simply because he wasn’t. Doyoung had never done anything wrong in their seven years together. He made him live in paradise, and maybe that was the price he had to pay for all of the happiness. He should’ve reminded himself that the high was worth the pain, but he couldn’t.

And now that the cold of the night was creeping in his bones he couldn’t help but think that Doyoung’s body wasn’t next to his to keep him warm. Doyoung’s hand weren’t running on his naked skin, his lips weren’t leaving red marks on his abdomen, and they wouldn’t have become one in the night. Doyoung right now was in another bed, becoming a mess in other sheets that weren’t his. That night, and all the others from then on, the one to lay his head on Doyoung’s chest once they were done would’ve been Taeyong and not him. Doyoung’s heartbeat wasn’t his lullaby anymore.

While he would lay there, for another night that seemed endless, sleepless, trying to bid him goodbye. Trying to close his eyes and dream of a place far away from there, and be able to say his long goodbye at least in his dreams. But instead, when his brain would give up in the arms of Morpheus, Jaehyun would see it all, vivid in front of his eyes. Doyoung’s face, lighting up in the morning. His skin against his. His voice telling him how much he loved him and how he would spend the rest of his life by his side. And it felt so real, that Jaehyun couldn’t help but wake up with tears streaming down his face when Doyoung’s phantom disappeared right in front of him.

And he wished he knew how to deal with all of that. But nobody teaches you how to face a break-up like this.

No one tells you what to do when the person that swore to be by your side in joy and pain, in health and sickness, turns their back to you. Nobody tells you what to do when a good man hurts you, and involuntary, you hurt him too.

And when Jaehyun didn’t know what to do, feeling lost and unmoored, he made a mistake that would’ve changed his life forever.