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bebetae · 3 years

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repeat until death | na jaemin

repeat until death | na jaemin

genre: smut, angst, best friend’s brother au

pairings: jaemin x f. reader

word count: 13.2k

synopsis: How do you prevent a tragedy? If you knew the events that would occur beforehand, would there be anything you could do to stop it? You used to believe in destiny, back when all it entailed was love and happy endings, but now you were skeptical. Because the world couldn’t possibly write something so cruel.

rating: 18+ NSFW WARNINGS UNDER THE CUT

here it is! my submission for the Star Cross’d collab under @neosmutcollective. please make sure to check out the other works as well! tracking is under the #nscstarcrossd tag.

warnings: death, tragedy, loss, depression, anxiety, kissing, language, unprotected sex, creampie there are many potentially triggering topics in this fic, and it is meant for mature audiences. please do not read if you are easily affected by mentions of death and the process of coping with it.

There were three rules to being Na Jaeyoung’s best friend.

One, you can never unfriend her.

Two, you cannot lie or keep secrets from her.

Three, and maybe the most important of them all, you are not allowed to fall in love with her older brother. Na Jaemin is off limits.

Off limits until you can’t hold yourself back. Until life and death separate a promise made before you could even fathom how hard you could fall for someone else. They say the right people will always walk into your life, and you liked to believe that you were destined to meet the Na’s.

But you never knew it would come to this. They always talk about when they come in, but never when they walk out.

“Mom, we’re home!” Jaeyoung called through the front door, kicking her shoes off. You’d both been friends for so long that it felt like a second home now. You even knew where all of their dishes sat in the kitchen cupboards. Before you could even think about making your sweaty self presentable after the sweltering walk back to her neighborhood, a figure walked in from the kitchen.

“She’s not here,” Jaemin said, passing the two of you with a homemade brownie in hand. “Oh, hey Y/n,”

“Hi,” you managed to force out, flustered. Jaemin always made you so embarrassingly nervous.

Jaeyoung rolled her eyes from beside you.

“Okay, then don’t bother us. We’re going to my room,” she announced. Jaemin cared so little, he didn’t even respond as he collapsed onto the couch. Jaeyoung grabbed your hand and dragged you up the stairs, huffing so quietly you couldn’t hear it over the deafening beat of your heart.

Her room was silent when the door closed. It didn’t stay like that for long.

“Do you like my brother?” Jaeyoung blurted out, her accusation making you pause. How did she know? Were you that obvious? If you were, then did Jaemin see it too?

Jaeyoung didn’t let you respond before she continued.

“It’s so annoying,” she complained, dropping her bag onto the floor by her desk before sitting into the chair. “It’s like I can’t have any friends without them liking Jaemin. You know what Hina told me? She said that Luna only invited me to her birthday party because she was hoping I would invite her to mine. So she could see Jaemin,”

The longer Jaeyoung ranted to you the guiltier you felt. In sixth grade, her juvenile problems overshadowed any measly little crush you had.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your eyes cast down in shame. A part of you wondered why it was such a crime to like someone, but apparently she had control of your feelings concerning her brother. Your mind strayed to one of the two rules she had established back in elementary school.

You can’t keep any secrets from her.

“Yeah, I like him. Not a lot though. You know Sungchan? He got cuter over the summer, don’t you think?”

You always said all the right things to her, even if they weren’t true. But lies were okay, if they covered the ones that would make her upset. Rules weren’t concrete like that.

“Just promise me you’ll stop liking him. Promise me you’ll always be mine, not his,”

She added another rule that day. One you would never come to understand.

“I promise,”

Between you and Jaeyoung, she was always the popular one. So much so that some people knew you not by name but simply ‘Jaeyoung’s friend’. Just like she was known as ‘Jaemin’s little sister’. There was no label for him, though. He was at the top of the food chain.

It was a dynamic you had grown used to over the years, and while it used to bother you, it didn’t cross your mind much anymore. Until today.

“Prom is tonight, Y/n. You seriously don’t have time to find a date,” Jaeyoung chastised, sitting on the worn pink rug on her bedroom floor. You were sprawled across her mattress, face down into the sheets in defeat.

“I know, Jaeyoung. But it’s not like I have that many guys pining over me to go with them,” you replied, your words muffled. This sad predicament had been on your mind for so long that you didn’t have the energy to cry about it anymore.

“It’s okay, you can just tag along with Jaehyun and I if you want,” she chirped, her mood significantly brightening at the new topic of interest.

Right, because I totally want to third wheel to prom with my best friend and her hot, college sophomore date.

“Maybe I just won’t go,” you sighed, flipping yourself over and onto your back. Jaeyoung’s ceiling was suddenly the most interesting thing you’ve ever seen.

“You’ll change your mind,” Jaeyoung sighed, flopping down beside you. “I know you will,”

She was wrong. For the most part, you guessed.

Two hours and a constant internal debate later, you were sitting on Jaeyoung’s bed watching her as she shimmied into her dress and observed herself in the mirror.

“It’s a bit scratchy, but I can handle it,” Jaeyoung commented, twirling her body around. Your snug sweatpants and the unoccupied dress hanging from her closet were a firm reminder of your decision.

“Beauty is pain,” you joked, a smile plastered onto your face. Her excitement excited you, and that was enough. “What time is he going to pick you up?”

“Ten minutes from now,” she replied, glancing at the clock. Jaeyoung reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, something she always did when she was nervous. You’d met Jaehyun before, and although he wasn’t necessarily her boyfriend, you had a feeling that would change once graduation came around. You had an inkling Jaeyoung was going to be in for a romantic summer.

“Well, you look beautiful, Jaeyoung,” you sighed. Your best friend turned to look back at you, her dolled up eyes sparkling.

“She sure does,” a voice spoke.

It was hard not to recognize him, even from a glance. You’d committed his entire being to memory from afar all these years. Jaemin stood in the doorway, his black hair tousled messily like it always was. He was smiling widely at his sister, who had gasped, with a singular, measly balloon floating above his head reading ‘PROM!’. Your heart froze as you watched him enter, giving Jaeyoung a big bear hug as he laughed.

Jaemin was back.

“I thought your flight got delayed!” Jaeyoung cried incredulously, but Jaemin only shrugged as he backed away.

Why didn’t Jaeyoung tell you he was flying in today?

“It looks like I made it just in time,” he shrugged. He glanced at you, confusion subtly flashing across his face. Jaemin looked like he was about to say something, maybe greet you, before a voice rang up the stairs and the doorbell chime echoed through the house.

“Oh no, he’s early!” Jaeyoung cried, scrambling to shove a few essentials into her small handbag before dashing out the door. She didn’t spare you a glance in the midst of her frenzy.

You and Jaemin both watched her leave, and the room fell under a cloak of awkward silence. You could feel his stare from across the room, and you knew how odd this may have appeared. You looked down into your lap, hoping he would just leave. He did the opposite, though. Shocker.

“Are you not going?” Jaemin asked, his eyes watching you though he didn’t move a hair closer. If anything, the answer was pretty obvious. Your silence was answer enough, and he sighed before leaving the room altogether. Good job, Y/n.

You wished you could say it wasn’t always like this, but there was no Jaemin if Jaeyoung wasn’t involved. In a way, it was his sister’s doing, but you didn’t know how to handle being around him. And so you were always the awkward little-sister's-best friend with a veil of girlish sheepishness you could never shake, her old words ringing through her head over and over.

“Promise you’ll always be mine, not his,”

You weren’t sure how long it had been, and the entire night could’ve passed when Jaemin walked back into the room and you nearly voiced out loud how much you wanted him to leave you alone. You were upset and vulnerable right now because of this situation and the last thing you wanted to do was cry in front of him.

So you continued looking down without a word.

“Y/n,” Jaemin spoke with caution, hesitation laced through his words in a tone you had never heard from him before. Especially because you were always around him when he was around his family, you’d always seen the lax, nonchalant side of him. Jaemin never seemed to care about anything.

But you lifted your head slowly, finally looking him in the eye, and he was pleading.

He was wearing a simple black tuxedo, his hair the same mess it always was. It didn’t complete the look, but it was so uniquely him that it didn’t matter much.

Jaemin was holding his hand out to you.

“Would you like to go to Prom with me?” he whispered, your eyes darting between his face to his hand to his clothes, with barely the capacity to comprehend that this was actually happening.

“Jaeyoung wouldn’t want me to,”

You hated that that was the first thing you thought of saying. You could see in his expression that he felt the same. Jaemin kept his hand out stubbornly, his eyes boring into yours.

“I don’t want you to miss out on this, Y/n. And if you going out to have fun on your prom night can’t spare Jaeyoung’s feelings, then I’m willing to take the fall with you,”

He’d been back in town for less than two hours and he’d already made a ruckus. Jaemin knew this might blow up in his face, but when he looked at yours and saw the pain behind the mask made for his sister, he knew he wouldn’t be able to walk away without regret.

And so you placed your hand in his, and committed your favorite crime.

It was hard to say you were fashionably late when it was clear in your appearance that you had just thrown on your dress and slapped some minimal makeup on your face. You hadn’t had time, though, so you hoped everyone would be looking at Jaemin instead as you clutched his arm on the way inside. His parents had gone on one of their biweekly evening walks, so Jaemin saw it as a perfect opportunity to snatch the keys and race off with you in their car.

The gymnasium looked completely different, decorated to be like stepping foot into another realm outside from the darkly lit parking lot outside. The theme this year was Under the Stars, very cliche, but it came out much better than you thought it would. And before you could admire the atmosphere any longer, you were interrupted by a familiar face.

“Y/n! You’re here. I was beginning to think you weren’t showing up, especially when Jaeyoung showed up without you,”

Luna was this year’s class president and prom coordinator, and although she always alluded to positivity, you could see through her sometimes. Like now, in particular, as she glanced at your date and nearly let her grimace slip through.

“Hello! You’re Jaemin, right? Jaeyoung’s brother. I’m actually a really good friend of hers,” Luna introduced, although you both knew she knew exactly who Jaemin was. But, Jaemin being Jaemin, he introduced himself obliviously. Despite the anxieties of the consequences of running into Jaeyoung, you couldn’t help but stand there proudly holding onto Jaemin’s arm. For what it’s worth, every girl would be jealous of you tonight, even if you were one of the hopeless piners yourself.

“Now, if you’ll walk over here and stand on this X, yes, perfect, we’ll be taking your picture,”

Luna pointed at the man standing behind the camera and signalled for you two to smile, and you twisted your body awkwardly in his hold. You were sure you looked frazzled from behind the lens but Jaemin threw out a playful “Cheese!” that brought laughter out of you. Luna clapped her hands together and snatched the copies from the photo printer. You watched her observe them for a second before Jaemin took them from her, missing the squint in his eyes.

Jaemin handed one to you and looked down at the other, bringing it closer to his face under the dim lighting. Jaemin’s heart melting smile was on display, a strand of black hair in his eyes, and beside him, encased in his arms, you were smiling widely with your eyes scrunched up in laughter.

“Oh no, I look horrible,” you whined, trying to snatch Jaemin’s copy away, but he was already giggling and stuffing it into his pants pocket. You groaned as he grasped your hand in his.

“You look cute,” Jaemin giggled, turning to lead you deeper into the crowd in time to miss the lovesick look on your face. You turned to wave goodbye to Luna, but she was already gone.

It was still hard to fathom that you were here with Jaemin, even as he caught the eye of everyone you passed to reassure you he was the one leading you through the sea of bodies. You couldn’t help but feel insecure. And as Jaemin stopped near the back corner of the venue where there were less wandering eyes, he noticed that something was off.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, leaning back against the blue paper-covered wall and finally letting go of your hand. His infectious smile was beginning to fall.

“I’m sorry you have to go to a highschool prom with your sister’s best friend,” you sighed, joining him in leaning of exhaustion and shame. Your eyes were scanning the crowd, subconsciously searching for the sister in question, but soon your vision was obstructed and you found yourself staring into the same intense eyes you knew too well.

“Who was the one that dragged you here?” Jaemin questioned, his tone frustrated. He was trying to convey something to you for you to understand, and clearly you didn’t seem to get it. His arm was supporting his body on the wall behind your head, caging you in. “I wanted to bring you here, Y/n. Whether you’re very happy about it now or not, I know you will be tomorrow morning. And if not then, then when college starts. Or maybe even 50 years from now when you’ll start realizing that you don’t owe Jaeyoung anything anymore,”

The last sentence came out without Jaemin even thinking about it, and it shocked the both of you. Jaemin huffed, his head dropping toward the ground.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” he sighed.

I just don’t want you to hide from me for a lifetime.

His subconscious had a palm to his mouth. Jaemin said it, almost.

“You know, the whole point of a school dance is to, well, dance, right?” Jaemin suddenly chirped up, his head raising once again, his demeanor shifting in seconds. Your sudden anxiety from the suggestion distracted you from the change.

“I can’t dance,” you whined, trying to withstand the force he was tugging you toward the dance floor. Not only did you not want to embarrass yourself with your lack of skills, you also didn’t want to leave the security of the corner you were in. Being out in the open like this left too much room for Jaeyoung to spot you.

“Too bad. Dancing is just moving to music, and I’m pretty sure you can move, Y/n,” Jaemin argued.

Yeah, Jaemin did actually want to get you to dance, but he also wanted to get himself out of that little moment before he said something really stupid.

The DJ was playing an upbeat, lyricless song that most of the dancers were jumping along to, and you silently wondered how the girls could possibly get in the air in their heels. You were wobbling enough as it is.

Jaemin took both your hands in his and spent twice the effort dancing for the both of you, pulling you along to the beat. He admired the way your dress shone under the fluorescent blue lighting. A smile was slowly beginning to creep up your face, and that was enough.

Two songs in and your walls had been torn down by Jaemin, your body moving carelessly along with his as he showed off all his questionable moves. He had you laughing hysterically, body hunched as he mildly impressed you with his body rolls and overexaggerated facial expressions. He sent you a final wink as he bowed with the outro of the song, laughing in that endearing way where he would clap his hands like a seal.

But then the music changed. The lights dimmed and everything slowed for a moment, the night winding down to an end. It was the moment everyone had been waiting for. The slow song.

They changed it abruptly and without warning, as if they wanted to see how everyone would react. In your own little world, you and Jaemin’s eyes met, and even with the racing anxiety in you, there was nothing stopping you from wrapping your arms around his neck. Jaemin had the ghost of a smile on his face, his features trying to be serious as he snaked his hands to the dip of your hips. His hands were big as they ran rampant on your curves, sending chills up to the top of your head.

With your growing confidence tonight, and the way he didn’t hold back with his grazes, you found it in yourself to touch his nape, your fingers hesitating to reach into his hair until he tilted his head to the side and leant into your touch. He hummed as you wound your fingers through the soft strands, his head knocking forward until your foreheads touched, his eyes closed. Your breath caught in your throat and you were sure he noticed, but he didn’t say anything as you continued the slow sway to the piano in the background.

This may have been the closest you’ve ever been to Jaemiin. It was quite amazing, really, that you’d known this boy all this time, yet the history books of you and him were blank.

“Aren’t you glad you came?” he asked, his eyelashes fluttering. You could barely find it in yourself to respond, not when he was in front of you like this. You were on a one way trip down the hole in your heart designated for him and your unfeasible infatuation.

“Yeah,”

Below your restricted line of sight, Jaemin smiled bigger than he had all night, because all he wanted for you right now was to be happy. To enjoy one of the last moments of your senior year with him, wait, without Jaeyoung. Just for the night, or even just for a moment, something could finally be yours to keep.

And for a moment, you forgot about Jaeyoung, and Luna, and everyone else really but Jaemin. He was all you could see, feel, you were surrounded by him and it was inescapable. After tonight, you’d never want to go back to the way things used to be.

But you’d never had a choice before, so why did you ever think that would change? Because you were in love, and you were naive. You thought you were invincible, and that everyone else around you was, too.

“You’re fucking kidding,”

You shot away from Jaemin so fast he barely had time to register it, his tight grip on your waist trailing with you until he stumbled a bit forward. Your eyes somehow tracked her down immediately, your guilt-ridden face finding Jaeyoung’s just a few feet away. Even with your best friend right in front of you, all you could comprehend was the music still playing and how upset you were that you didn’t even get to finish the song.

“I must be imaging this right now,” Jaeyoung scoffed, her eyes wild behind her pretty face. Was she really this upset?

“I brought her here, Jae,” Jaemin cut in, stepping a bit in front of you. It was the first mistake made that night.

“No, no, really. This is all a joke, right?” Jaeyoung cried, looking between the two of you. Betrayal was written across her face and you should’ve known this would happen. Jaeyoung was nothing if not true to her beliefs. If you thought for a second that she would be happy for you, seeing you enjoying the night instead of wallowing alone, you were wrong.

You were so fucking wrong.

“You promised,” Jaeyoung whispered, her initial anger fizzling. Despite how happy you felt before, and how little you understood her resentment, you still found the guilt setting in as you realized how upset your best friend was over this. You never knew the consequences would be to this degree, because all this time, you’d complied.

“Calm down, Jaeyoung,” Jaemin muttered, observing the influx of attention towards her little scene. Mistake number two.

“Give me the keys,” Jaeyoung demanded. You glanced at Jaemin, doubting if he would really do it.

You didn’t notice then that she was alone. You didn’t realize then that Jaehyun wasn’t with her anymore.

“Give me the keys, Jaemin,” she said again, her tone calmer yet sharper than before. Jaemin reached into his pocket and placed the car keys in her hand.

It was the final nail in a coffin that shut in silence. You should say something. Why couldn’t you say anything to her?

But would you have sacrificed your happiness for her? For the umpteenth time? You’d never know. No one would. Because Jaeyoung stormed out before you could even try to defend yourself. You stepped forward to follow her, but Jaemin grabbed your arm and pulled you back. He shook his head at you, and you listened. Maybe that was the third mistake. Strike out.

They say the right people will always walk into your life. But they never talk about when they walk out.

Jaeyoung walked out that night, and whether it would’ve been for good or not on any other day, it was for good that night. Because destiny was cruel.

The call came an hour later. You wished it never did. Your shoulder was brushing against his as you sat on the curb of the sidewalk when Jaemin’s phone rang.

“Jaemin, are you and Y/n still at the school?” his mother spoke, Jaemin’s phone on speaker as you both looked at each other. It was the last time you’d ever meet his eyes without seeing your monsters. If only you knew then to engrave it into your memory.

You didn’t know anything that night. It was heaven just a moment ago, why did things have to change?

“Yeah, why?” he asked. She sounded so distraught, you already knew there was something wrong. You just never thought it would be the truth.

“She’s--” her voice got caught in a sob, choking her.

“Who? Jaeyoung?” Jaemin spoke, his voice getting more frightened each second that passed as you both waited for her to find her voice again.

“She’s been in an accident. You need to come home,”

The phone dropped to the ground. What a cruel, cruel world it was.

“Come on, Y/n! We don’t have much time!” Jaeyoung called to you, her long legs taking steps that dwarfed your own. You had your growth spurt a bit later than everyone else, and in the eighth grade, that made you significantly shorter than your best friend.

Your hand was clasped in hers as she dragged you through the crowd. She knew where your families were, waiting for the two of you to come back from a trip to the ice cream stand. People were standing, some settled on blankets atop the grass, everyone looking up toward the town’s clocktower. You two had one minute.

“Jaeyoung, over here!” It was Jaemin. He was in ninth grade at the time, and to you, that meant he was officially out of your league. High schooler Na Jaemin was too cool to hang out with a middle school girl. Especially if she was his little sister’s best friend.

“Did you get your ice cream?” your mother asked the two of you, and you both gave a thumbs up in unison. The gesture was followed up with a chorus of synchronous, girlish giggles just as the countdown began.

10!

You and Jaeyoung missed the first number, but now you've caught up.

Jaeyoung nudged your shoulder.

She pointed at the colorful lights above your heads.

A chill breeze blew past, and you held your jacket tighter around your body.

Jaemin playfully reached over to try and cover Jaeyoung’s eyes.

She slapped his hand away with a laugh.

Jaemin stole a glance at you, your wide eyes scanning the dark sky in anticipation.

You didn’t notice.

Jaeyoung wrapped an arm around you and held you close.

Fireworks exploded before your very eyes, a flurry of cold fire and blazing color. You’d never seen something so beautifully chaotic, the noise ringing through your ears. If you could dream long enough, you would stay in this moment forever.

But dreams weren’t forever, and no matter how hard you tried to run towards them, you would only look back and see a world where Jaeyoung was no longer there.

------------------------------

Nothing felt like anything anymore. It was all a blank void in which you lived without really being alive. Everyone pitied you. That might’ve been the worst part. You didn’t want their pity, you just wanted her back.

You wished it were some miracle story, the ones you hear in the news where the teen girl gets hospitalized and makes an earth shattering recovery, one where people send their thoughts and prayers to her and it actually works. You could think about that night, all those weeks ago, but it was too painful. So you didn’t.

It was a story so heartbreaking you played it over and over again in your head. She swerved away from a deer in the road. The car was reported to have wrapped around a tree trunk. Jaeyoung died upon impact.

She always loved animals. More than anything, she had wanted to be a veterinarian. Fuck animals. They didn’t deserve her. And fuck deers, while we’re at it.

Graduation passed by unceremoniously. You didn’t attend, and you only heard the stories. They showed her picture, apparently.

Fuck them.

You slept whenever you could. It was the only way you could escape the world you didn’t want to be a part of anymore. You felt her absence everywhere, even in your dreams. You didn’t go by her house anymore, her car sat still in their driveway, the clothes she had forgotten still sat in your drawers. But despite how frozen her reality became, it didn't mean shit to everyone else’s reality.

You almost envied her. Almost, but you would never say it out loud. You could barely even think it. But, she really was lucky in her own morbid way. She didn’t have to stay behind and harness the pain you felt. The pain her parent’s felt. And, you were sure, the pain her brother felt.

Jaemin hadn’t been around since that night. It’s been days now.

The days turned into weeks, the weeks to months, and soon enough all your classmates were flying away on airplanes while you sat in the room you were a part of now. You were just another pillow on the bed.

It’s just a gap year. People take a year off before college all the time.

Avoiding was all you did now.

You found ways to cope. Besides wasting away in your room, you found a new passion for puzzles. It sounds boring, sure, but there was a certain calm you got out of putting the last remaining piece in its place, completing the picture in just the way it was destined to. There were no mistakes, no broken edges, and no pieces lost. It can’t go on without a single piece. Not in the perfect world of puzzles.

In your small town there were little places to turn to. Little people to talk to without them knowing. Jaeyoung’s accident was one of the most detrimental things to happen this year, and thus, it trailed you no matter where you went.

But today, you decided to be brave. For Jaeyoung.

You didn’t know what sparked the idea or the motivation, but you got yourself up off your bed and grabbed the keys from the tired, hardworking hanger. They hadn’t left their place in months.

What you didn’t anticipate was the fear of getting inside a car. Muscle memory failed you as your hands shook around the car, pushing your keys inside and shifting the gear. It was now or never, you told yourself. You’d already asked your mom to pick up the bouquet for you, so that left only one stop. And off you went.

The thing you hated about going out now was seeing the bustling lives of the world around you. It didn’t make sense how your world could be falling apart at the seams while everyone else seemed fine. Well, not fine, maybe stressed about the coffee line in the morning, or rushing on their lunch break, but it was all the little things. The kind of things that didn’t block your airways everytime you thought about it. Thought about them.

You focused your eyes straight forward, concentrating on getting yourself to your destination. The engine’s low hum was mesmerizing, the soundtrack to your journey outside again. Strangely, and sadly, a car ride would never be just a car ride anymore.

When you made it to your destination, you pulled to the side of the road and let your car run for a while as you calmed yourself in your seat. You hadn’t even taken your seatbelt off yet, considering simply driving off and never coming back.

But then you thought about your best friend, and you knew you had to get out of your car. Whether you wanted to or not.

The winds were high today and the sun was already making its descent in the later half of the day, trees stretching beyond you on either side. They were tall, haunting pine trees that looked more alive the longer you paid attention to them. And on the right shoulder, just beyond the road in a divet you would’ve never noticed otherwise, was Jaeyoung.

Well, just her face on a big poster staked into the ground.

You were content staring down at your bunch of white roses as you approached, your feet tiptoeing around the mess of flowers and notes nestled in the grass. You wondered how many people had visited the spot in the past months. You wondered who they were. If they really knew Jaeyoung like you did.

Condolences, Fly High, We’ll Miss You. Cards you would find in the grievance section of the card aisle in the grocery store. Right next to the Happy Birthday and 50th Anniversary messages. Maybe they could play music, too.

Your card was in your head. Written in your heart, but not ready to be shared. You’d come here with this grand plan to pour your heart out to her, if she was listening, and if not, to the tree trunk standing proudly oblivious to the tragedy.

But all you could do was set the flowers down nicely, and walk back to your car.

“Y/n, honey,” a voice called from outside your door, and you shut your laptop screen playing the show you knew you wouldn’t finish. It was your mom as she opened the door and peeked through the crack. “Your father and I are going out to dinner tonight with the Na’s. If you--want to come, then you’re fully welcome to,”

You didn’t miss the hesitating pause in her sentence, and while they tried their best to act like everything was normal, you knew your parents were growing tired of your detachment. Just because Jaeyoung’s parents lost their daughter, didn’t mean they had to lose theirs too.

“Maybe,” you replied. She clearly didn’t like your answer. “Is Jaemin going to be there?”

“Would you go if he was?”

What a loaded question. Would you? Why did you even ask? A part of you, more than you cared to admit, wanted to blame him. If only you hadn’t let him convince you into going, if only he hadn’t given her the keys and let Jaeyoung drive when she was so upset. If only he wasn’t so addicting.

But you still thought about him. Everyday. You wondered how he was doing, when he was going to leave for college again. There were a lot of things you wanted to say to him, and for him to say to you.

“I’ll let you decide. We’re leaving in an hour,” was the last thing she said before your mom closed the door once again.

When was the last time you went out to eat? Was it your cousin’s birthday dinner six weeks ago? You thought so. It would be a lie to say you really wanted to go.

But you knew you should. Your pain must’ve been nothing compared to what Jaeyoung’s parents felt, and that was enough to get you out of your bed.

“It’s so nice to see you guys,” your dad greeted, sitting down beside Jaeyoung’s father as you and your mother followed suit. The couple had gotten to the restaurant a bit earlier than the three of you, already seated at the table.

Two empty chairs remained. No one said anything about it.

“It feels like it’s been forever,” her mother said, and it was the truth. It had been forever. You used to see them every week.

If you tuned everything out and shut your eyes, it’d be just like any other night. Jaeyoung would be sitting beside you, playing with her straw wrapper as the adults talked about college tuition and politics. Maybe Jaemin would’ve been there too, studying the menu for far too long trying to settle the indecisiveness in his head.

But that’s what separated you from the adults. They got straight to the point. No sugarcoating, and no avoiding.

“We’re holding the funeral in two weeks,” Jaeyoung’s dad spoke, a cloud of grief looming over the table. “And we’d like to ask you all for some help in the planning,”

“Of course,” your mom agreed, immediately. So composed. So compassionate. Your parents were here to be there for her parents, not for you.

You sat silently as they discussed. They talked about the budget, the venue, the list of attendees. It would be a smaller service, consisting of family and friends. The dress code wouldn’t be black, they didn’t want it to be sad. It was to be a celebration of life.

“And, if it’s not too much to ask, Y/n,” At the mention of your name you finally drew yourself back into the conversation, having pushed it further aside the longer it dragged on. “We’d like you to speak at the service,”

Your heart dropped. That was quite possibly the last thing you’d ever want to do. How would you ever be able to stand up in front of all those people, all of whom knew Jaeyoung, and force words out of your mouth? What would you even say? Would it be appropriate to apologize, because that’s all you’d ever wanted to say to your best friend since that night. That you were so fucking sorry.

“I can’t,” you whispered, before you could even think about replying. Your parent’s faces dropped.

“Y/n, they’re asking you for this one thing. Jaeyoung would want you to speak--”

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, standing up from your seat. You’d only made it to the complimentary bread. Looking back, you were surprised you even sat there that long. You couldn’t stand the looks in their eyes.

You weaved through the tables, dodging waiters and heading out the back exit. You didn’t know where you were going. Anywhere from there.

“Y/n?” a voice called. You hated how you recognized it immediately. You ignored Jaemin’s calls as you fled, away from the truth and away from the boy who would always remind you of her. Your ears were ringing when he grabbed your arm.

“Where are you going?” he asked, and he cupped your face in his hands and forced you to look at him. When did you start crying? You only realized when the image of his face came back blurry through your tears.

You ripped your face away from his touch. It burned your skin. But not like it used to, no. This wasn’t a good burn. Your skin was in pain and all you wanted to do was escape from his flame.

Jaemin must’ve been around the back of the restaurant for a while. Your eyes darted to the place where he had been standing beside the door, a bottle of some cheap, drugstore alcohol sat open on the ground. You frowned in distaste. For the split second he let his guard down as he noticed your judgement, you turned on your heel and walked away once again.

“Y/n, y/n wait,”

Fuck. You stopped, but you didn’t turn around. His voice had grown small now, defeated, and he was pleading with you this time. He wasn’t ordering you, he wasn’t scolding you.

“Just let me drive you home, please. I drank two sips from that beer, I promise,”

“Why?” you cried, your face scrunching in pain out of his view. He knew how painful this was, right? “I really don’t want to right now, Jaemin,”

“I can’t-” he paused, and you glanced over your shoulder to see the tears in his eyes. “I can’t let you walk away without knowing you get home safe. Not anymore. Just let me drive you home,”

The car ride back was silent, the tears drying on his cheeks as they flowed down yours. Jaemin got a new car, you noticed. You both didn’t address the half empty pack of beer in the backseat.

When he pulled into your empty driveway no words had been exchanged still, and you surely weren’t going to say something first, so you got out and didn’t look back. Only when you closed the front door shut did you hear his engine run once again.

Car rides were never just car rides anymore. It was the first time you’d seen Jaemin in three months.

Jaemin couldn’t stop thinking about you. Not for a second. And that was the undeniable, heartbreaking truth.

He thought about turning his car around that day he dropped you off. Would you have answered the door if he knocked? Would you have nursed his heart like he wanted you to?

He dropped out of college. It wasn’t his proudest moment, and his parents definitely weren’t happy about it, but in a way, he could see the relief they felt with him in the house again. Jaemin didn’t know if they would’ve been able to handle an empty house. That wasn’t to say he was always home. Jaemin spent his nights out late these days, with no company. He was always alone, doing something useless with his time, because who was there to tell him to get on with his life?

He blamed himself a lot, when things got really fucking bad. And then he’d feel like the air was gone around him, and he couldn’t breathe. Jaemin knew he did a lot of things wrong that night, but it was done now. Now, he had a new problem on the horizon. You.

He didn’t even know what the hell he had been caught up in not to call you. Jaemin knew he should’ve checked up on you, and that’s what made him regret it even more.

He tried to drown it out with the alcohol, but he’d grown immune to it by now.

He didn’t expect to walk into his house four days later and see you sitting there in his living room. Was he dreaming? He heard voices from the kitchen, one he recognized as your mother’s, but all he could see was you. Your eyes were squeezed shut and your hands were in fists by your sides, and Jaemin felt a rush of anger through him. The adults could be so clueless sometimes. How could they not see you here, suffering?

A vague voice in the back of his mind told him that maybe he shouldn’t have, but he stormed up to you and grabbed your arm. You were jolted up by the contact, but Jaemin ignored it as he pulled you up and toward the door.

“Where are we going?” you hiccuped, eyes looking everywhere but the lonely car in the driveway. Jaemin was silent in his anger, leading you toward his car near the sidewalk and guiding you in.

He drove to the first place he could think of.

Him and Jaeyoung would come here a lot when they were kids, a field on the western outskirts of town. It was where they held the annual fireworks show to mark the beginning of each new year. It was empty this time around, which Jaemin wanted.

He didn’t wait for you as he got out of the car and strolled a few steps forward, scanning the endless sight of grass before him. You followed him moments later, sticking your side to the door of his car as you watched him, waiting. He had brought you here, and you wanted to know why.

“Why aren’t you going to college?” he asked. You swallowed, your body caving inward as the wind blew past you. You barely had legs to stand on anymore.

“Gap year,” you answered, short and simply. You hated that he sounded disappointed when he was standing here on a September evening too. “There’s nothing out there for me anymore,”

“You should’ve left this town,” he murmured, so quietly you wondered if he was really talking about you anymore. Regret was laced in his voice. Frustration simmered in you. If he was so knowledgeable on what’s good for you, why couldn’t he figure it out for himself?

“There’s nothing out there for me anymore,”

Jaemin sighed, leaving his distant position to round the car. He didn’t look at you as he approached you, but soon he was right in front of your face and you couldn’t ignore now how hurtful your words must’ve been.

And then his arms wrapped around you, and you felt even worse.

“I know you don’t mean that. I know you’re upset right now,” he murmured, his mouth near your ear and his cheek brushing against your hair.

But the sun was setting and the light was washing away, and you knew your parents must be wondering where you went.

“Don’t move,” he whispered, clutching onto you with his hair over his face and tears in his eyes.

“Jaemin, I have to go,” you croaked, your mind begging your body to move. But no matter how much you willed it to, it couldn’t. It was your heavy heart rooting you in place.

“Can’t we just stay like this?” he asked. Jaemin sunk into you. He always had a fear of falling. “Can we start over?”

“It’s getting dark,”

“I think darkness is beautiful. Our fears stare us straight in the face but we can’t even see them. The sky could fall to my feet and I wouldn’t know it,”

Pretty profound words from the boy who never really showed emotion. You realized you didn’t know much about Jaemin, and it crushed you.

“But would you hear it, you think?”

“I don’t think so. I’d like to think our worlds would decay in silence,”

------------------------------

You were lying awake in your bed, the night growing older and the silence ringing in your ears. You jolted in shock when something hit your window. You knew who it must’ve been before you peered out to look, hoping you were wrong yet begging that you were right.

Jaemin stood in front of your one-story window, peering inside with tears painting his cheeks. You opened the window and allowed him inside, no questions asked as you accepted that this was the way things were now. Days can be so good until one bad thought and they’re ruined.

Jaemin stood in your room awkwardly, looking around. The endless stack of puzzle boxes caught his eye, but he didn’t say anything about them. You realized it was the first time he’d ever been in here. You closed the window shut again, and was then pulled by the arm abruptly. Your face was dangerously close to his now, and now you had a few questions.

“Why are you here, Jaemin?” you asked, wanting so badly to touch his cheek, but you refrained. He was silent for a while before he thought up an answer.

“I wanted- needed to see you,” Jaemin responded, his eyes cast down like he was distracted by something. “I hate being alone at night these days,”

You didn’t know what to think of that. Was he always with people at night? Other girls?

You were intensely aware of his fingers grazing your arm, his touch blazing a path down your skin. You wanted to tell him to stop, his fire burning a bigger hole in your chest, but you didn’t want to. Not when he was right here, looking at you like that.

You both knew he was using you, pushing all feelings aside for distraction, but neither of you cared.

His lips were on yours in an instant, fierce and hungry and not like how you imagined your first kiss with him at all. His hand covered the back of your head and pulled you impossibly closer, breathing you in like you were his lifeline. Maybe you were.

“Tell me this is okay,” Jaemin panted between kisses, never long enough to really get the words out. Now that he got something he couldn’t seem to get enough.

“It’s okay, Jaemin. Keep going,”

He didn’t need to be told twice.

Jaemin led the both of you blindly to the bed disregarding your parents upstairs. Your back landed onto the mattress and you bounced a bit into his chest, his body pressed flush against you.

Your lips were so sweet, Jaemin was drunk on them. His heart was racing just as fast as yours, shocked by the gravity of the situation despite being the instigator. His brain was spinning and his actions were justified by the ache in his heart and the longing he had for you.

Your arms were linked around his neck when his hands slid underneath your thin tank top, groaning at the smoothness of your skin. Fuck, your heart was about to burst out of your chest.

Both your shirts were gone in a rush, your hands searching for a touch as you ran your fingertips down the length of his torso. You felt him shudder beneath you, a heavy breath releasing harshly out his nose. His lips traveled down to your neck, and you wondered if he could feel your pulse under your skin. Jaemin nibbled lightly behind your ear, reveling in your whimpers. He traveled down even further, taking one breast and descending his mouth onto it. You brought a palm to your mouth trying to cover your moans, and Jaemin had the capacity to smirk up at your reaction. His tongue lapped over your nipple slowly, sensually, before moving onto the other side.

Your back lifted up off the mattress, into his touch, one of his arms scooping underneath your torso to pull you up and support your arch. Your fingers threaded through his hair, pulling and tugging to keep yourself grounded.

“Jaemin,” you whispered, pulling a bit harder on your head until he looked up at you. “I want to feel you now, please,”

Jaemin had been trying to hold himself back, take his time and test the waters, but it took that one plea for him to unleash his desires.

“Fuck,” he growled, kissing you softly, your lips sticking together. He nipped your bottom lip slyly before leaning back a little.

Jaemin sat up and tore his pants and underwear off in one go, turning over to help you out of your flimsy shorts. You were both bare now, the dim moonlight flooding in through your window to cast glowing shadows across your bodies. You both stayed still there for a moment, taking the other in. Regret didn’t hit either of you until now, staring the situation in the face, but you surely weren’t going to stop when you’d already gone this far.

“Condom?” he asked, but you shook your head.

“Are you clean?” you asked. “I’m on contraceptives,”

“I’m clean, I promise,” Jaemin replied, soothing your worries and reaching down to pet your head affectionately. “Are you ready?”

“I’ve been ready for a long time,” you joked, and Jaemin chuckled lightly, looking down at his length. He stroked it a few times, shifting his hips down as you felt the tip poke against your entrance. You were aware of how embarrassingly wet you’d gotten from so little interaction, but Jaemin groaned at the feeling.

“You’re so fucking wet, all for me,” he murmured, sinking slowly into your inviting entrance. You whined at the stretch, his thick length stretching you out. Your body was quite inexperienced with sizes as large as his.

“You’re doing great for me, baby,” He let the pet name slip, but it hung low over both of your heads. Once Jaemin bottomed out, you both sighed in sync.

“You’re so big,” you whispered, and Jaemin leaned down closer to your face to place a feather-like kiss to your lips. His forehead rested against your own, his breathing ragged as he held himself back from pounding into you. “You can move now, Jaem,”

Jaemin’s warmth pulled away from you again and relocated to your hips, his large hands gripping your body roughly as he thrusted slowly in and out. There was no noise in your room apart from the heavy breathing and lewd squelches of your entrance, Jaemin glancing down entranced by the sight of his cock slipping in and out of you.

“You’re so beautiful,” he sighed, under his breath like he didn’t mean for you to hear it. Your sweaty palm was still covering your mouth, but Jaemin tugged your arm down and released your open mouth to the cool air. He wanted to hear the effect he had on you.

Jaemin was beginning to speed up, his grip tightening its hold as he pulled your hips down onto his every time he thrust forward. You felt him everywhere, deep in your stomach like he was becoming a part of you.

“Jaemin, fuck,” you moaned, your hands coming up to grip your breasts trying to level your floating brain. Jaemin’s eyes darted to the sight and widened, his lip tugging between his teeth harshly.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he admitted. “Wanted to fuck this tight little pussy for so long. So fucking long,” He punctuated each word with a harsh thrust, hard enough to push you a bit further up the bed like he was trying to prove something.

Jaemin was trying to show you that he could make you feel good. That he wasn’t always going to make you feel shitty, even when it wasn’t intentional.

“Are you close?” he asked breathlessly. You hummed in affirmation. Jaemin slipped a hand down to your pussy, his thumb reaching out to rub harshly against your clit. You sucked in a breath, not daring to breathe with the risk of crying out. You let it out slowly, a squeaky whine coming out instead.

You were thrashing around underneath Jaemin, your walls pulsating around his cock. His eyes closed and his eyebrows furrowed, grunting softly as you orgasmed around him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he groaned, his pace unfaltering as he chased his own high. 30 seconds later he buried himself in your walls, his cum shooting deep inside of you. Your walls were still clenching around his softening cock, muscles in your body twitching sporadically as you came down from your orgasm. And as you came off your high, the closer you got to the ground. To reality.

Jaemin was in your room right now, the mixture of yours and his cum leaking out of your entrance and onto the sheets. It was real, the fact that you had just fucked Jaemin. You weren’t sure if this was right for either of you emotionally, but it felt so fucking good. You and Jaemin were self destructive.

------------------------------

“I’d like to thank you all for attending our celebration of life. Tonight is a special night, one that my husband and I wanted to share with you all,”

You sat in the lawn chair frozen, eyes fixated on Jaeyoung’s mother as she stood bravely before the crowd, using her time to address all the guests. Tonight was the night of Jaeyoung’s funeral, and while you were supposed to speak, you haven't planned anything specific. You decided it would be best to speak from the heart.

As her mother continued with her speech, swallowing through the pain as she spoke about her daughter, many sniffles could be heard amongst the crowd as she began to tear up as well. She had spoken to you about it earlier, when you had arrived early to help set up, about how she hadn’t wanted to cry during her speech. She wanted to keep things lighthearted, but that was impossible.

Her son wasn’t even here.

That’s right, Jaemin still hadn’t shown up. You were upset that he had left you alone here in the front row, but you were even more upset that he was letting his parents down. You didn’t ask them where he was, because they surely didn’t know. And it would be no use to bring it to their attention that he wasn’t here, they were fully aware.

But you pushed it to the back of your mind, because tonight wasn’t about him. It wasn’t even about you and him, in the same sentence, it was about Jaeyoung. And it was about letting go of all the pain and leaving more room for reminiscing. Now it was about spending time with the people who knew her, who she lived on through in their memories.

“Now, before we get to the burial, I would like to ask Jaeyoung’s best friend and sister at heart, as we always called her, up to the stage to give a few words,” She was dabbing her tears away with a soft fabric as you stood and approached the pedestal, and she gave you a solemn pat on the shoulder in comfort as she made her way back to her seat.

It was right then that you wished you had at least made an outline of what you wanted to say beforehand. You were frozen now that you were looking out at the sea of familiar faces, but you clasped your hands together and decided to go for it blind.

“If you knew Jaeyoung, you knew me as well. I was always with her, afterall. Next to her, on the phone with her, and even in the little necklace she’d always wear around her neck. I had gotten it for her for her 14th birthday, a photo of us tucked into the metal,”

You reached your hand up and felt the cool metal beneath your fingers, toying with it nervously.

“There are a lot of things I thought I had wanted to say to you all tonight, but I’m realizing now that it was all so negative. And I don’t think that’s the story Jaeyoung would want me to tell, so I’m kind of changing my plans right now. Please bare with me,”

Everyone was watching you with pity and expectancy, waiting for you to catch your quickening breath.

“Jaeyoung and I came in a pair. There was no Jaeyoung without Y/n, and no Y/n without Jaeyoung. It’s heartbreaking to think that it’s just me now. But, Jaeyoung has always been there for me, navigating this world by my side even when she had her own problems, her own highs and her own lows. If I could speak to her again, she would probably tell me to get up and learn to live without her, because she’s been trying to get me to do that all my life. It’s selfish for me now to put everything on hold, I realize, when all she’s wanted for me is to follow my dreams,”

“Sometimes, when the monsters creep out from the closet, I see the void in the world she left. But my one mistake is never finding anything to fill it with. Just like she would want me to. We can’t leave our shadows dark, even if what we might find scares us. Someone told me that darkness is beautiful, but I disagree. I think the light is what we need before it consumes us. Where would we be without the sun? Or the moon, or the stars? We should be frightened by a falling sky, or we would never live our days like it could happen someday. A life without fearing death is a life without value,”

“And so, I dedicate my days to Jaeyoung. To my best friend who loved animals and loved this time of day, with the sun hiding behind a sliver in the trees. To Jaeyoung, who loved the smell of her car’s air freshener and hated mine. I dedicate my life to her because she never got to live hers, and if there’s nothing else I could give her then at least I can give her the satisfaction of watching her best friend flourish down a path without forgetting where she came from. Right, Jaeyoung? I won’t cry anymore. I’ll take care of myself, of your family, and of your memory. This isn’t a goodbye but a farewell, to the best friend I could have ever asked for,”

You didn’t remember saying any of that once you exited the stage, your feet carrying you past the applause and out of the venue before you could see the tears mixed with smiling faces. If you needed closure, you needed to do one more thing.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

The number you have called is not available right now. Leave your message after the beep.

Beep.

“Jaemin,” you sighed, collapsing onto the bench in front of the building, letting your feet rest in your uncomfortable heels. You weren’t sure what you were expecting from him anymore. “Jaeyoung’s service ended. You weren’t there,”

Obviously. You just didn’t have anything else to say. You stayed silent on the line for a while, racking your brain for something better, maybe expressing your frustration with him, but no words came, so you simply hung up.

You didn’t go back inside. You didn’t think you could handle the sight of them lowering the casket into the ground.

So you drove, and drove, and drove, until you passed places you recognized from before and the night wasn’t young anymore. The headlights were blinding, making it hard to see much of anything. You were driving without purpose and without a destination, so distracted by the thoughts in your mind to even realize where you were.

You were on the street you’d driven a hundred times before. Half a block away was your school. Well, your old school. You’re an alumni now.

You sure as hell didn’t want to stop by, especially in the dead of night, but there were another set of headlights in the parking lot, and you were too curious not to give it an extra look. And for the single second you devoted your attention to the trespasser, you realized who it was.

Why the hell was Jaemin in the school parking lot on the night of his sister’s funeral?

You made a last minute, screeching turn left in through the curiously open gate. You didn’t even bother to park between one of the designated lines and shot out of your car with the engine still running.

“Jaemin?” you called, the dim yellow lamp posts scattered around doing nothing to aid your vision as you squinted to get a better look. You could see the shadow of his body resting against the hood of the car, and you approached cautiously.

“Is this what you’ve been doing this whole time?” you chastised, picking up one of the empty beer cans from the painted metal surface and tossing it to the ground. There Jaemin was, drunk and silent, alone while you just lived through possibly the hardest thing you’ve ever had to sit through.

“I didn’t want to go,” he stated simply, shrugging off your disappointment like it was nothing. You could tell he wasn’t sober, his cheeks tinted pink and his words slurring a bit. But there was little evidence in the empty cans that he was completely shitfaced, although you speculated his emotions were drunkening him all on their own.

“You were supposed to be there. For your parents, for Jaeyoung,” you paused, fighting the urge to snatch the newest can from his hand and throwing it to the pavement. “You were supposed to be there for me,”

Jaemin’s nonchalant attitude faltered a bit, his shoulders slumping deeper into his gaping chest. He had been staring out toward the gymnasium across the stretch of concrete, the building so familiar yet the core memory of it in his mind played through the extravagant decorations and aura of that night. It didn’t look as lively anymore, as if it knew it was too soon to get things up and running again.

“Why are you doing this, Jaemin? What are you trying to prove? That you’re better than everyone else? Or that you can’t cope? Whatever it is, whoever you are, this isn’t the Jaemin I know,”

You hated that you thought of how his hands felt on you.

“Maybe you don’t even know me, what about that?” he argued, his tone growing defensive.

“You’re saying it like it’s my fault! I’m sorry I’m such a big inconvenience for you, but you don’t have to care about me anymore,” you shouted. You were too upset and overrun with emotion to realize how hurtful it sounded. “Jaeyoung is gone. There’s nothing tying you to me. You don’t even have to know me,”

“Are you fucking serious?” Jaemin asked incredulously, his eyebrows furrowed as he turned and approached you. You regretted it now, now that you weren’t just staring at the back of his head. Jaemin was right in front of you now, for you to see the pain in his expression.

“What if I told you it was never about her when it came to you? What if she was the only thing holding either of us back?” He was mad now. “Don’t forget I’ve known you just as long as Jaeyoung has. And even though I didn’t get to know you, like really know you, I saw you in your best moments. Do you know how hard it is to watch a girl smile everyday and eat candy until her stomach hurts and sing until she’s out of breath? I was young, Y/n. I didn’t get to see those moments in other girls like I saw in you. I was impressionable. I had a boyish crush that you just can’t shake. I know how she felt about the idea of you and me, but fuck, how can you expect me to keep fighting for her when you’re the one standing right in front of me?”

“And for months, I only wished for one thing. I wanted so badly to take the silence in her soul and put it into mine. I didn’t want to do anything. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t call my parents and let them know I’m okay, I couldn’t even open my damn eyes. Is it so selfish of me to have found a reason to stay? Does it make me unworthy of love? Of loving you?”

The influx of information was too much. You found out so much in so little time, and the only thing you could do was cry.

Hard, broken sobs right in front of him. Jaemin’s shield was gone in an instant.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked, stepping forward and pulling you into his chest. He hated that it was too soon. Jaemin hated that the right thing to do would have been to give you space. To give you time and sit on his feelings like it would be forever until he could tell you. He tore you right apart. “I’m sorry, Y/n. Please don’t cry, forgive me. You’ll always have a place in me,”

You weren’t really sure why you were so emotional. Shouldn’t you have been happy? You finally got what you wanted. Jaemin reciprocated your feelings. And whether everything seemed heightened right now, for the both of you, you could still tell that somewhere inside of him, he meant what he said.

But you backed away regardless. He smelled too strongly of alcohol, and no matter what he said, it didn’t change the fact that he didn’t decide to give Jaeyoung even the time of day. You wiped the tears away and spoke directly to the boy in front of you, broken pieces and all.

“You know that’s too painful, Jaemin. For the both of us,”

Jaemin couldn’t handle the sight of you walking away. He was numb yet his body felt like it was being electrocuted.

“Don’t go,” he begged, his footsteps wavering until his knees hit the ground. You turned with the little pity you had left in your heart. “You’re half of me now,”

Jaemin let out a sigh when he heard you come back. But you stopped just short, your hand reaching out to him.

“Give me your keys. Call someone if you want to get home, you’re not driving drunk,”

And then you drove off. Jaemin had a knack for letting go of people in his life, even when he didn’t have to.

As if your days couldn’t get any worse, you ran into possibly the last person you’d ever expected to see the next morning in a flower shop down the road.

“Jaehyun?” you gasped, eyes locking with the boy behind the cashier. He was wearing a green apron, a part of the uniform, with a name tag pinned to his chest with neat handwriting scrawled across the front. He was similar to how you remembered him, nothing had changed much.

“Y/n, wow. Uh, welcome?” You both chuckled at the awkward greeting, before it went quiet as the elephant in the room grew.

“I, uh, heard the funeral was last night,” he commented. “I’m really sorry,”

You’d heard that one countless times before, but it meant something more coming from the college boy. He was with Jaeyoung that night, until he wasn’t.

“Whatever happened that night, with you and Jaeyoung?” you asked. Jaehyun’s face darkened and the mood shifted. Even though you were learning to grow comfortable talking about her, you forgot others might not have moved on so easily.

“I had gone to go get her that stupid milkshake she likes from Hank’s, the one with about 100 grams of sugar,” he sighed. “She was going to come along with me, ditch the fun for a late night date, but then this girl had approached her and said she saw you and, well, her brother there together,”

You nodded in acceptance, urging the boy to continue.

“I could tell she was so upset, but she always tried to hide things like that when she was with me. I had gone for her drink in hopes it would make her feel better when she went off to look for you. I really did like her, you know. I was planning on asking her out that night, properly,”

Jaehyun’s story was sad but beautiful, the perspective of the boy Jaeyoung was head over heels for, who just wanted to make her prom night that much more special.

“Are you here for Jaeyoung?” he asked, blinking his tears away and gesturing to the flower displays. You nodded, and he held up a finger signaling you to wait as he walked toward one of the shelves.

“She told me one time when she visited me during my shift that she always loved tulips. I teased her about it then, wondering why it wasn’t roses or carnations or something, but she insisted that they were the best flower,” Jaehyun walked back over and handed you a flowing bouquet of white tulips, fresh and picture perfect. “It’s on the house. Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

“Thank you, Jaehyun,” you sighed, walking out of the store with a greater passion inside. All the missing puzzle pieces were beginning to fall into place.

Apparently, graveyards were empty on a typical Wednesday afternoon. You nodded politely to an elderly man sitting on a bench down the stretch of sidewalk, making your way to the lot you were looking for.

For being a place of burial, the scenery was quite beautiful. Everything was green and well kept, colorful flowers and objects littering the expanse of the field as the sun shone bright and blazingly down on the marble. On the edge of the field was a forest, similar to the ones surrounding the rest of the town’s perimeter, trees standing proudly in the open landscape.

Na Jaeyoung

Forever remembered as a loving daughter, sister, and friend.

Her brand new headstone was spotless, the earth before it clearly disrupted as it now took the time to settle back into place. There was a framed photo of her leaning against the stone, dozens of flowers placed down with candles arranged around them. You set your tulips at the foot of the beautiful, chaotic mess, your heart warming at your contribution.

“Hey, Jaeyoung,” you began. It was a lot easier speaking to her directly, in private, than in front of all those people last night. “I came as soon as I could. Could you tell? I barely got ready this morning,”

It was a lot harder to speak without getting a response.

“I saw Jaehyun today. He’s still thinking about you. He was a good one, JaeJae. He’s probably my favorite one out of all your escapades. Oh, and my 19th birthday is coming up. Yours is, too, soon after,”

Small talk ways over. There’d been something nagging at you for weeks now, something you could never quite place, but now that you were here, heart to heart, it was all clear in your mind.

Rule number one, you can never unfriend her.

“I’ll visit you all the time, I promise,” You knelt down low until you sat, your legs crossing in front of you on the grass. “And even if I’m away, I’ll make sure to check in on your parents. They’re doing better now, Jaeyoung. Your mom is doing so well. Your dad has been talking about retiring so they can travel more. And Jaemin-”

Rule number two, you can never lie or keep secrets from her.

“Jaemin isn’t doing so well. I don’t know what to do about it, Jaeyoung. It’s a bit complicated between him and me,”

You paused and forced the tears back. If you didn’t cry over Jaeyoung, you definitely weren’t about to cry over her brother.

“But I think I really like him. I want to see him everyday and talk to him, make sure he’s okay. He’s really torn up over all of this, and I think he’s blaming himself too much. I don’t want to lose him too, but I’m not sure if I even have him,”

Your heart was pounding like she could hear your confession. You hope she could, no matter how much it still frightened you.

“I know how you felt, feel, about us. But I can’t help it, Jaeyoung. These days especially, he reminds me of you. He’s all I have left of you, and I’m starting to plant these seeds in my head that maybe things can work out between us. Dangerous, isn’t it?”

The wind was beginning to pick up, the clouds moving quickly overhead until the blocked the harsh, beating sun.

Rule number three, you are not allowed to fall in love with her brother.

“I think I love him, Jaeyoung,”

It was your first time saying it out loud. It felt like the earth shattered for a second, so quickly no one would realize it, but you felt it. Because in your world, it had shattered and reassembled so many times you recognized the feeling of crumbling apart.

“And I’m sorry if it upsets you, I’m sorry I let you drive off that night. I should have said something to you, anything, even if they were my words now. I love him. I love Jaemin. I hope you can be happy for me,”

“Because you’ll always be my best friend, regardless. I’ll always be the one making sure of it, though. I love you too, Jaeyoung. I love both of you, and I wish things were different. But right now, with the way things settled into place, all I can do is sit here and offer myself up to you. I miss you, Jaeyoung, but I know I’ll be able to move past this with you in my heart,”

A rustle of motion broke you out of your one sided conversation, pulling your attention away as you looked up searching for the source of the movement. You looked behind you first, down the pathway to see if someone else had come to visit, but it wasn’t a human.

In the distance, under the line of tree trunks and over the hill, stood a beautiful spotted doe.

It’s ears were perked and you tried to stay silent, careful not to scare it away. It was about fifty feet away from you, it’s body calm as it sniffed around at a patch of grass beneath its feet. A small smile spread across your face and you felt the connection in your soul.

It left as quickly as it appeared, dashing off elegantly back into the forest. It was almost as if it were never there.

“Hi Jaeyoung,” you whispered.

Jaemin didn’t mean anyone any harm. If anything, he was dead set on making his own life miserable, because he deserved it.

But if he really did want to keep you by his side, how many chances would it take before he got it right? He let you down that night, he knew that. But even now he still, selfishly, wishes you had stayed with him. Even if all he could offer you was his own pathetic heart and unspoken words.

When he biked down to the empty field again, he let the air slip in through his open mouth. This field may look bare and plain now, but on one night during the year it was a place of new beginnings. Jaemin came here often, hoping he would get out of it what he used to.

Maybe if he hoped for it enough, he could get some good luck on his side for once. Jaemin was skeptical, to say the least.

But when a car pulled onto the grass behind him, he thought he was dreaming.

Here you were, always managing to find him at his worst of times, and wait, was that his car?

Jaemin turned and met your eyes, his dull ones staring into the flames on your own. He was so convinced you were about to start lecturing him, yelling and punching like he deserved. That’s why he almost fell to his knees when you opened your mouth.

“I love you,”

Wait, was Jaemin sure he wasn’t in some fairytale wonderland? He’s been going crazy enough these days, the possibility wasn’t too far out of reach.

“No, you don’t,” he replied dully. And even though it discouraged you a bit, you grit your teeth and continued.

“No, Jaemin. I’ve learned that there’s a difference between loving someone, and wanting to love someone. I don’t want to, but I love you,”

You could see the way his eyes widened in the sunlight, tired shadows and ghosts of tears haunting his features. But he still looked so handsome standing there, like he always did. If you squinted, gave your vision a bit of assistance to blur his image, he was the same boy you grew up with. The same boy you fell in love with all these years.

“Did you hear me, Jaem?” you cried, a maniacal smile on your face as every little piece of lead weight lifted off your shoulders. “I love you,”

The corners of Jaemin’s lips were beginning to crack up, a smile slowly making its way onto his face. You swore there was a twinkle in his eyes.

“Damn it, Y/n,”

Jaemin took large billowing steps toward you, a smile on his face as he cradled your face in his hands and smashed his lips against yours. You both collectively sighed.

Finally.

You intake oxygen and feel it flow through your lungs, but you haven’t truly breathed like this since the moment you found out she couldn’t anymore.

You’ve been thinking about it a lot, that maybe it’s better in a way that you'll die someday. One day Jaemin will be gone and you’ll be gone too, just like Jaeyoung. And even if having forever with him sounds perfect on paper, if you could love him until the end of time, your days together would mean nothing. Death only brings value to your love.

We die for moments like these. If we lived for them, there’d be no point in losing everything one day. And at last you knew that your story had come to an end. The timing was all wrong and the universe waits for no one.

thank you for reading! If you follow me and keep up with my updates then you know i’ve been having a hard time recently in my own private life, but this fic was something i was determined to get done and i did it! I’m very proud of myself and this fic and i hope you all enjoyed it. there may be a lot of errors because i didn't proof read this lol.

~ kat

permanent taglist: @fanficbitchwhowriteskpop @negincho @astroodledream @sweetutopia

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let me know if you want to be added to my permanent taglist!

#bebetae #neosmutcollective #nscstarcrossd #ksmutclub #nctcreations #nct #nct smut #na jaemin #jaemin #jaemin smut #nct imagines #nct angst #nct dream #nct dream smut #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop smut

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trilliastra · 2 years

Text

glitch mode

[Jaeyoung x Sangwoo. When Sangwoo said he only uses hyung with family members, my brain immediately went ‘oh, does he have an older brother perhaps????’ and the fic practically wrote itself. POV outsider.]

“Mom wants you to visit her more often.”

“I’ve been busy.” Sangwoo answers and he knows it’s true because Sangwoo is such a bad liar, these days he rarely even tries to fool them. Their mom has always been able to stare him down until he confessed, though when he didn’t she would ground him anyway, because she always knew.

He still remembers the day his brother was first placed in his arms. Even though he was barely five, Sangwoo was so small, he had no problem holding him, picking him up when he started crying.

Depending on the onlooker, five years can be a big age gap or not, and Sangwoo always had differing opinions, depending on the occasion. If he told him to turn off the computer, Sangwoo would complain about having to do what his older brother says; if he gave him money to buy a new video-game, Sangwoo would smile in that smug way only he knows how to.

Still, when Sangwoo was a kid, he was already in high school; when his brother graduated from school, Sangyeon was in the military. Their lives never quite lined up and he missed most of the changes, most of his brother growing up.

“It’s been over a month.” Sangyeon says, eyebrows furrowing when Sangwoo orders a weird concoction with strawberry and cream instead of simple iced coffee. “No coffee?”

“Not anymore.” Again, not a lie, but there’s something missing, something different and he still can’t quite put his finger on it. “Are you staying long?”

Sangyeon smirks into his coffee. Some things change, others don’t. “A couple of days. Maybe a week? A month?”

“Sangyeon.”

“I’m leaving tomorrow, don’t worry.”

“I’m not telling you to leave.” Sangwoo says. “I just asked.” After a beat, he adds. “It’s good to see you. I miss mom too, some days.”

Suddenly, their mother’s words come to mind and he understands what she meant when she said she’s been worried. Something happened, Sangyeon realizes, something big and not exactly bad, but– different.

“I think I’ve been– lonely?” The words are not louder than a whisper, but Sangyeon hears anyway and his stomach twists as he watches Sangwoo’s eyes widen in realization. He clearly did not mean to say it, the words, the feelings, as unexpected to him as to Sangyeon.

He notices Sangwoo’s hand moving to his arm, scratching at it nervously, as if there’s an itch he’s unable to get rid of.

“Are you okay?” Sangyeon asks, moving his head towards Sangwoo’s arm when his brother looks up.

“I– I don’t know.” He answers, shakes his head when Sangyeon offers his help, confused but still, at his core, worried. “No one can help,” he says, “it’s a programming error.”

“Can’t you get someone to help you with it?”

Sangwoo shakes his head again, his expression less pensive and more defeated. Sangyeon doesn’t remember even seeing him like this. “The error is in me.”

He doesn’t tell their mother about it, knows she will worry even more, might even catch the first train to Seoul just to drag Sangwoo back home and Sangyeon feels that will not help his brother at all.

Still, Sangwoo seems to find a way to fix his problem anyway.

“That was quick.” That defeated expression will not leave Sangyeon’s memory so early, but he still manages a sigh of relief. “And you are okay now?”

“Yeah.” His brother answers, “someone helped me with it.”

Someone.

“Really?”

“Really.” Sangwoo answers and his voice sounds lighter, like he’s smiling.

Someone.

“I– I’m glad.”

“Yeah, me too.”

The next time they meet Sangwoo is wearing a leather jacket two sizes bigger than him.

Their mom fusses around, scolding him for buying a jacket that doesn’t fit him properly and their dad makes an off-handed comment about the price, but Sangyeon sees something else.

He sees Sangwoo checking his phone constantly, sees him taking pictures of their food and smiling when a new message arrives. He sees a different cologne brand on the bathroom shelf, sees the fading mark on the back of his neck.

He sees his Instagram and the pictures of red and yellow leaves, the Han river and always, always two plates of food. He sees Jang Jaeyong’s comments, the heart emojis, the ‘I miss you’ and the ‘wish you were here’ in every photo Sangwoo posts.

When he opens Jang Jaeyong’s profile, Sangyeon sees the leather jacket Sangwoo is wearing and the fit is perfect, he sees the pictures of Paris and how in almost all of them he mentions his boyfriend.

Especially, he sees Sangwoo, grown up, happier, making plans about his future, working on his game every day and every night, even during Christmas, even when they are supposed to be resting because he’s in a hurry, as if he has somewhere to be, as if his plane to Paris is about to take off.

“Hi.” Sangyeon looks up from his book, but Sangwoo is not talking to him. He is on his phone, smiling again.

He hasn’t noticed him and Sangyeon tries not to make a sound, holds his breath and tries not to feel like an intruder in such a private moment.

But he is. This is his little brother and he helped change his diapers and now, Sangwoo is someone’s boyfriend.

“You can do it if you work hard.” Sangwoo adds, “I lived twenty years without you, I’m fine.” The following answer makes him laugh softly. “Of course it would be better if you were here, but work is optimal, especially at the beginning of–” he gets cut off and after rolling his eyes, his expression softens, “I miss you, too.”

Sangyeon has had a number of girlfriends, with some he even entertained the idea of living together, but he knows he never spoke to any of them like this. This level of love, intimacy and open adoration, he never knew such a feeling could exist in real life.

When Sangwoo comes to greet him at the train station, he’s not alone.

They make an interesting pair and though they are not touching in any way, it’s clear to Sangyeon that they are together. Sangwoo never looked quite as comfortable next to someone who’s not a family member before and Jang Jaeyong’s entire body language is attune with Sangwoo, from the way he’s slightly turned to him, smiling, to how his hands are hovering close to Sangwoo’s, as if he can’t wait for the moment he will be able to hold it.

“Sangyeon,” Sangwoo greets him with a smile, not quite as big as the one he shows his boyfriend, but genuine, “this is my boyfriend.”

It’s the first time Sangyeon hears him say the word out loud and though he knew for a while, it’s clear his brother is not saying it just for him. Their eyes are shining bright enough for Sangyeon to notice how much it means to them.

“Hello.” Sangyeon says after a moment. “Nice to meet you.”

#semantic error #jaeyoung x sangwoo #jae young x sang woo #my fic

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yougotthatbilly · 3 years

Text

take care (m)

→ member: johnny seo

→ genre: assistant!johnny | smut

→ word count: 15.9k (not surprised atp)

→ playlist: body talk x majid jordan, warm x majid jordan, BoRdErSz x zayn, moment x victoria monét

→ warnings: slowburn, indecisiveness, v self-indulgent; unprofessional relations, big dick!johnny (ofc; don’t expect anything else), soft dom!johnny, begging (johnny’s a tease), subspace, oral; face-fucking, (and if you squint, ass eating), unprotected sex, squirting, praising, overstimulation, etc.

↳ summary: your assistant just wants to take care of you

The heavy rain outside mocks you. You were supposed to be at your favorite bar across the street, but here you are sitting at your desk, staring out your window. And that’s how Johnny finds you after being granted entrance into your office.

Your arm is propped up on the arm of your seat, cheek in hand, lips pouted. Johnny does his best not to smile at the thought of you looking adorable as not to piss you off. He just sets your cup of tea down on the coaster on the corner of your desk.

“How was the meeting?” he asks, taking a seat on the other side of your desk.

You slowly spin to face him, looking at him with annoyed eyes as you take a sip of your tea. It’s the perfect temperature—a temperature Johnny took almost a month to perfect— and sweetness, and it instantly makes you feel a little better.

“Don’t worry,” you sigh. “Jiyoung didn’t get fired.” You have a three-strike policy; this incident is the second strike.

“Jaehyun,” Johnny corrects, grinning.

You tilt your head at his correction. “I care?”

Johnny just shakes his head, knowing you’re being petty because Jaehyun got his dates wrong and uploaded a post on a few new products a week earlier than the scheduled date, resulting in having to speed things up a little. It didn’t cause a major problem because you’re typically prepared for the worst case scenario, but you don’t like feeling rushed and when things don’t go as planned, so you were pissed.

“What’s his punishment?”

“That’s between me and him,” you tell Johnny before taking another sip. Your lip curls in disgust at the suggestive look your assistant gives you. “Okay, let’s not be gross. He’s a child.”

“I didn’t know 23 was considered a child,” Johnny teases, mostly because the man of the hour has had a crush on you for the last year he’s been working for you and he’s been trying to get Johnny to talk him up to you.

“I didn’t know you wanted to get fired in his place,” you say with a tight smile. Johnny decides to switch the subject.

“Mind me asking why you looked so sad when I walked in?”

You sigh once more, slouching in your seat.

“I wanted to go to the bar…” You point to the window beside you. Johnny follows your finger and watches the storm that hasn’t let up since it started half an hour ago. “That’s not happening anytime soon.”

You’ve either been in your office working nonstop or sleeping for the last week or so and you can feel a burnout creeping up. You were going to walk to the bar to get the fresh air you needed, enjoy a drink and your favorite wings because you deserve it—especially after the headache Jaehyun caused the moment you stepped foot into your office this morning—and indulge yourself. Now look at you, hardly munching on the fruit slices Johnny gave you this morning and almost finished with your tea.

“I’m sorry things aren’t going the way you planned today.” Johnny pouts. “On the bright side, you don’t have anything else on your schedule so if you wanted to go home within the next hour, you wouldn’t fall behind.”

“I’ll probably just take a nap on the futon once I’m done looking over the new plan again.” You shrug.

Johnny wants to roll his eyes, but he catches himself. He’s sure you’ve already gone over it at least five times. There’s nothing he can do about it, though, so lifts himself out of his seat. “I’ll leave you to it. Just give me a call if something comes up or you change your mind.”

To both of your surprise, you actually head out and get yourself a candle you’d ran out of a week ago on the way home to treat yourself to a much needed bath filled with bubbles and essential oils. The scent of the candle reminds you of your assistant because it’s the scent he got you for your birthday, and it’s become your favorite.

You send a picture of the candle at the end of your tub to Johnny, thanking him again for putting you onto greatness, as he worded it before when you first smelled it in front of him and your eyes practically rolled back.

[18:14] John Suh: Are you actually relaxing???

You suck your teeth at his response, but you can’t blame him. He’s the only one that knows just how much you put in to get to the position you’re in, while you’re positive a lot of others just think it was handed to you by your mother instead of the school and endless hours work you went through and continue to go through. It’s very rare you give yourself the time to truly sit back and relax aside from when you’re on vacation. And even then, work never really stops. It just gets placed on the back burner for a little.

[18:16] you: Hush.

[18:17] John Suh: I’m just glad you’re taking care of yourself. Your dark circles have been snitching on you.

[18:17] you: Wow. You really wanna get fired today, huh?

[18:18] John Suh: Dark circles or not, you know you’re still beautiful. Now stop texting me and enjoy your bath!

When you find yourself smiling at your phone, you know you should do exactly what he says. Johnny’s always been a complimenter, though his usual kindness goes along the lines of telling you that you look nice. You’re no stranger to this specific compliment, you get it all the time on Instagram from your business partners and supporters. So why does this time settle differently within you?

[18:21] you: Nice save.

You need a video of one of your popular social media influencer ambassadors using and reviewing your newest skincare products tomorrow—due to Jaehyun’s mix-up—but that’s not happening. She didn’t record it before going on vacation and didn’t think to bring the products with her on her trip. While it isn’t her fault times have moved around, you’re annoyed she didn’t bring the products with her when she’s supposed to be using them every day because she’s one of your main advocates for your products being oily skin-friendly. You have the videos of the other models with their specific skin types, and this is your missing piece.

The weather is nice today, so you take a much-needed break from electronics and go to the roof of the building. Your peace is quickly interrupted by the body of a six-foot male in front of you, standing in the way of the sunlight you were basking in.

“I know you hate him right now,” Johnny begins, skipping over greetings to get to the point of his disruption. “But Jaehyun has oily skin, he’s been using the products you gave him for like three weeks, he really likes them, and he has a good following on Instagram.”

You take the phone handed to you begrudgingly and look at Jaehyun’s page. Thirteen thousand followers and quality pictures. You’re not blind, Jaehyun is conventionally attractive and looks like a model in the photos and boomerangs. Something is missing, though. “Eh.”

“‘Eh?’” Johnny parrots, confused. He doesn’t know a better last-minute model for you than Jaehyun.

“Something’s missing,” you explain with a shrug. You absentmindedly tap the profile icon at the bottom of the screen and Johnny’s Instagram profile pops up. The two of you follow each other, so it’s not like you’ve never seen his pictures, but it’s been a while since you actually paid attention to detail. He has eighteen thousand followers and apparently uploads his pictures following a color theme. There are pictures of himself, random people, and nature in a strategic flow. When you select a video to watch, you’re sold on the lighting, exposure, and the way he captured the woman’s features. “Sit.”

Johnny does so without any questions. You gently grab his jaw and study his face closely. His skin is supple and dewy, the sun highlighting his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. Not that his skin was bad before he started using your products, but the texture and scarring have minimized quite a bit. Johnny doesn’t have the typical, bland model face your competitors love so much, especially with the slight stubble he’s got above his top lip and on his chin.

“What’s your skin type, John?”

“Oily,” he sighs, knowing what’s coming next. He was doing his job as your assistant, trying to make your life easier, but now he wishes he would’ve left this task to the social media department and stayed out of it.

You thought so. “Will you do this for me instead?”

“Do I look like an influencer to you?”

“Yes. I’ll double your next check and everything,” you promise him. “You actually have a personality and everything you post is quality. Women will love the eye candy and all types of men will take you seriously because you don’t have that annoying pristine, perfect look to you like Jaeyoung does.”

Johnny is here to fulfill your needs, so he knows you asking is really just you being polite. He doesn’t have much of a choice, especially with the lack of time you have. He is enjoying the warmth of your hand and the fact you referred to him as ‘eye candy,’ too. And who is he to say no to extra money?

“I’ll have it recorded and edited by midnight,” Johnny smiles, giving you the hope you need.

“Ugh, you’re the best,” you sigh in relief, shaking his face side to side affectionately before letting him go to stand up. You feel much better now. “Send it directly to me.”

Johnny stands up with you and leads the way, opening the door for you. “Yes, ma’am.”

Always true to his word, Johnny emails you two links at a quarter-till, with a message attached:

Good evening,

I edited two videos for you, one short enough for a regular post on the company’s page and the other that could be used for my IGTV for my followers. I hope these meet your expectations, but if there’s anything you need me to fix or redo, let me know and I’ll get right to it.

Sincerely,

John Suh

You get comfortable in your bed with your iPad and tap the first link. You make sure the brightness and volume are high enough to get the full effect, then press play. The quality of the film makes you assume he used a professional camera instead of his phone, and he gets a point for that.

“Hey,” Johnny starts with an awkwardly endearing smile. “I know this is a little different than what I usually post, but I got scouted by the skincare goddess herself to be an ambassador for Surreal’s new line of skincare, Ethereal.”

You grin at the nickname and note that with him being in the bathroom, there’s no echo in his audio, and that gives him another point.

“I’ve been using the four of the five products I’m about to introduce to you everyday for around a month and before I do my skincare routine for you, I’ll show you what my skin looked like before I started using these products with dates so you don’t think I’m just trying to sell you on them just because she’s been writing my checks for the last year,” Johnny chuckles, then the screen shows a selfie Johnny took with the date of a month ago from today, some hyperpigmentation and small bumps dotting his cheek and jaw.

Another point for including before and afters. You knew he’d meet your expectations without you having to say much.

“I’ll get up close and personal at the end so you can really see the results,” Johnny winks into the camera, causing you to blink.

You knew he’d have personality and that was one of the main reasons he was a great idea, and while in hindsight his actions are predictable, you shake your head. The fact that he’s actually charming makes you scoff, but you’re sure that the damn wink only worked on you right now because it’s almost midnight and you should be asleep right now. You won’t act like he hasn’t always been nice on the eyes, but he’s Johnny.

You can’t deny that you do thoroughly enjoy the Johnny presented to you through the screen, though.

“The first product is an oil-based cleanser because the SPF in this collection is oil-based as well,” Johnny explains, then proceeds to show the jar and small spatula that comes with it before he scooped some out, capturing the texture of the product well.

And that’s how the rest of the video plays out, the unusually deep, gentle tone of Johnny’s voice explaining how well each product works for his oily and acne-prone skin, lulling you into a relaxed state against your headboard. He keeps things short and simple, the video just barely passing three minutes and as promised, his face comes a lot closer to the screen, showing the faded scarring and smooth texture of what used to be his problem areas. Johnny ends the video with a sweet smile and says goodbye. The shorter video is edited to where he’s hardly talking, mostly just demoing your products, just the way you like things to be on the company’s page.

You did great, John. Thanks again for doing this last minute. You can come in at 10 am tomorrow since I had you working overtime today. Rest well.

Johnny is at your desk with your morning cup of tea at eight in the morning, a bright smile on his face as he tells you good morning.

You glare at him. “Why are you here?”

“Because it’s my job?” Johnny says, pretending like he doesn’t know what you’re referring to. You can read him well, though. You take the mug out of his hand before gesturing for him to take a seat in front of you.

“You’re either being hard-headed as usual, or you’re anxious about your video being uploaded. Which is it?”

And that wipes the bright smile off of his face.

“I slept three hours last night,” he confesses. “I’m not used to this kind of exposure.”

You take a couple of sips of your tea and quietly observe him, thinking.

“Would you prefer we didn’t post it, then?”

Your assistant looks at you as if you didn’t just speak one of the languages he’s fluent in. You just blink at him and continue drinking your beverage, waiting for him to either say yes or no in case you need to make other plans, again.

“You’d do that for me?” he finally says after a while of staring at you like you’re crazy.

“Why wouldn’t I?” you ask slowly. “You’ve proven how far you’d go for me and I appreciate it, but I care about you as a person and anxiety is a bitch, so I wouldn’t want you to be panicking over Jaejoon’s mistake.”

The corner of Johnny’s lift curls at your continued pettiness, and maybe his heart does a thing at the fact that you care that much about him. It’s obvious to everyone that he is the closest to you out of all of your employees; being your assistant means you let your guard down a little with him. Along with the more serious side of your personality everyone else gets (especially recently), he sees your soft side. You’re not an overly strict boss, but Johnny gets to see you smile more and pout (he’d lose his job if he admitted to you how endearing your pout is to him). But even with the closer relationship the two of you have, Johnny would’ve never expected you to choose his stage fright over your baby; your company.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” Johnny declines with a shake of his head. “I’ll be okay, I promise. Thank you for considering my feelings, though.”

You shrug, not about to press him on the issue. “Alright. I need you to post the IGTV at 2 pm and tag our page in an appropriate caption. I’d suggest you turn your notifications off for a while because as soon as you post it, it’s getting posted to our story then I’m sure you’re gonna get flooded with DM’s.”

“Flooded?’” Johnny asks, head tilted. “I mean, all I’ll have to do is copy and paste the same message answering any questions they might have about the products. Easy.”

You’re the one to look at him like he’s stupid this time. You set your mug down, lean back in your swivel chair, and clasp your hands over your stomach. “You can’t be that dense.”

“‘Dense?’” he asks.

“Are you a parrot?” you tsk. “But yes, dense. You know good and well most of the messages will have nothing to do with my products and everything to do with you.”

Johnny has the audacity to still be confused after your explanation.

“John, you realize you’re a good-looking guy with a likable personality, right?”

It’s not that he doesn’t know that. Johnny’s always been a pretty confident guy, with both his looks and personality. His confusion doesn’t stem from being blind or too humble. It’s the fact you of all people are telling him this right now.

“You think so?” he prompts, just to see how many compliments he can get out of you. This is a rare occasion.

“When you’re not being annoyingly happy-go-lucky and chill out, yes.” You reply. And now he’s pouting. That’s what he gets.

“I thought my cheerfulness brought joy to your days,” Johnny says with a dramatic hand on his heart, offended.

“What brings me joy is everything running smoothly and everyone doing their job,” you correct. He isn’t wrong, but you decide not to stroke his ego any more than you already have. And you’ve already said too much. “With that being said, you do everything I ask of you, and that brings me so much joy. You’re the perfect assistant, so don’t cry.”

“Is this your way of telling me to calm down?”

Your iPad buzzes against the wood of your desk and when you peek at it, you see it’s an email from Jaehyun with the subject: Today’s upload schedule.

“This is my way of telling you to get to work, honey.”

Johnny often finds himself slowly backing out of your office with his hands up in surrender, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He loves the distinct differences between the two of you. He figures it’s why you work so well together and why he’s held this job position for over a year in comparison to the two assistants before him that both got fired before the six-month mark. Johnny’s also positive that you love his excessively positive nature (as Jaehyun has described Johnny’s personality before) somewhere deep down and that he brightens your day after dealing with idiots like Jaehyun.

When your assistant is out of sight, you grab your iPad, respond to Jaehyun’s email, and find yourself rewatching today’s scheduled video. Maybe more than once.

The video is up at 2 pm sharp and Johnny does as advised, turning his Instagram notifications off immediately. He even goes as far as taking his phone off of vibrate so he isn’t aware of any other notifications until he decides to look at his phone again. He’s got things to organize anyway, so the work he has to do takes his mind off of any anxiety within him.

That is until you appear at the doorway of his office an hour later. This is a rare occurrence, so Johnny can’t be blamed for staring at you, and in the process, he appreciates the very fitted pantsuit you’re wearing. You took off the blazer sometime in between when Johnny left your office hours ago and now, and he thinks that the blush pink blouse compliments your complexion and red lips very well. But of course it does. Everything you wear compliments everything about you perfectly.

Just one of the many observations Johnny has made in the past year.

“How do you feel?” you ask him. Your voice is always so calm and collected, even when you’re ripping someone to shreds because of idiocy. Johnny admittedly admires that about you.

“I’ve done everything under the sun to avoid my phone,” Johnny confesses with a weak laugh.

You nod. “Well, just know that I’ve had multiple companies and modeling agencies ask why I’ve been hiding you. So don’t be surprised if you have job opportunities waiting for you.”

“Wow… this means I can finally quit,” Johnny hardly whispers with a victorious fist pump.

“I wish the hell you would,” you deadpan, breaking Johnny’s act and causing him to laugh loudly at the lack of expression paired with your response. “You’re mine unless there’s a tragic accident, God forbid, or you’re moving up in the ranks.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” you confirm, sending him a wink before turning on your heel and strutting back to your own office. Johnny licks his lips at the sight of the natural sway of your hips before shaking his head and getting back to working on the excel sheet staring at him.

“How is it that you all have the skills and training for the very simple tasks I ask you to complete, yet lack common sense and proper work ethic?”

Everyone in the room, excluding Johnny, just looks up at you from their seats, pitiful expressions on their faces. Their eyes follow you as you slowly walk to the other side of the room. You’re trying to stay calm and be professional, so pacing around the room is your best bet.

To Johnny, you look like you’re on a runway in slow motion, modeling the slim-fitting pencil skirt and red bottoms you’re adorning. Though still attentive to every word coming out of your mouth, Johnny lets himself get lost in each step you take because he’s not the one getting chewed out.

Mark, one of the newest additions to the marketing department, leans into Johnny’s side to whisper into his ear. “How have you managed to not fuck up and be on the receiving end of her talks yet?”

You don’t hear anything, but you see whispering happening, and now is not the time for side conversations. Johnny doesn’t even have the chance to turn to Mark or tell him to shut up until the end of the meeting before you’re speaking again.

“Mark Lee,” you call as you make your way towards him, causing him to sit up straight. “Is there something you’d like to say?”

“No, ma’am,” he responds nervously. Johnny internally shakes his head at Mark not being able to think quickly and lie. “My apologies.”

“Is there anything anyone wants to say or am I just a narcissist who loves talking to hear my lovely voice? Should I sing?” you ask, standing next to Johnny at the end of the conference table, hand on your hip. “Y’all want a performance?”

Johnny bites the inside of his cheek to refrain from laughing. Your sarcasm only intensifies the unsettled looks on everyone’s face and they all side-eye Jungwoo, their savior from the last time they got chewed out as a whole. Jungwoo raises his hand before saying, “There’s nothing we can say to excuse our actions—or lack thereof, but we will get right on it and do our jobs correctly this time. You won’t have to repeat yourself again.”

Johnny is impressed at how quickly your features soften. The ready-to-fire-someone look melts away as you nod at Jungwoo’s promise. You do have a bit of a soft spot for the latter, though, so it makes sense.

“I’ll take your word for it. You’re dismissed,” you announce, waving everyone off.

The room is empty, save for you and your assistant, in mere seconds.

“You’re going to give them nightmares,” Johnny chuckles, gathering your belongings before opening the door for you to exit the conference room. He laughs once more at your responding yawn.

“How? That was me on my best behavior,” you retort, your heels clicking loudly as you walk to the elevator. “And what was Lee whispering about?”

“Your employees are just amazed that I’ve kept you satisfied for so long.”

You walk into the elevator once the doors slide open and lean against the mirrored wall, arms crossed. Your eyes are squinted as you give Johnny a once over. He has done everything right since he completed his training. “You think you can keep me satisfied?”

There’s a challenging tone in your voice that causes Johnny to lick his lips. “I’d never disappoint you.”

Your response is a nod of your head paired with a drawn-out hum, and then you walk out of the elevator to your office once you hit your floor, walking ahead of Johnny without another word. You laugh at yourself when you replay the short conversation in your mind at the feeling you got in your gut at his response. And then you’re scoffing because, once again, it’s Johnny.

Johnny… Over six feet, amicable, charming, handsome as all hell Johnny. The scene of him licking his lips and saying those four words in that promising, deep voice in the elevator flashes through your mind once you’re seated at your desk. Your fingernail taps against the wood as you roll your lips together, stuck in your head. The ironic conclusion you come to before getting back to work is that you’re working way too much and just lacking male attention because there’s no other plausible reason for your goofy-ass assistant to have been on your mind so much for the last couple of days.

“Really?” Johnny asks when he walks in and sees you slumped over your desk.

Your eyes flutter open at his voice.

“I was just resting my eyes” you yawn, waving him off.

“What work is there possibly left for you to do at this point?” The products go on the market tomorrow, meaning all the work that had to be done in preparation for the launch was completed before everyone left today (the marketing department got their shit together quickly because they know about your policy and how unforgiving you are when the deadline is right around the corner). The only thing left for your marketing team to do tomorrow is look over everything once more and then you’re free to sit back and wait for customers to buy the new products and idly watch over social media if you really wanted to. It frustrates Johnny that you always find something extra to do.

“I was doing some last minute, um”— another yawn —“touches on the-”

“Well, that’s enough,” Johnny interrupts your explanation, walking around to your side of the desk and plucking the pen out of your hand.

You just nod and lean back in your ridiculously big swivel chair, blinking up at him slowly, because he’s right. There’s literally nothing else for you to do and you have the most full coverage concealer under your eyes; you need to rest.

“Am I driving you home tonight?” He asks as he packs your belongings into the massive purse on the box by your feet then places it on your desk so he doesn’t have to bend back down to retrieve it.

“Yeah, I don’t feel like moving,” you mumble, thankful you spent so much money on the chair you’re oh-so comfortable in.

Johnny puts his hands out for you to grab, and once you do so, he pulls you up. You groan and lean forward into him to catch your balance after not being on your feet for many hours, but then Johnny’s hand on firm on the middle of your lower back, and the pressure makes you stay. He’s just helping you steady yourself, a position you’ve been in once or twice before because you like to push your limits (says both your therapist and your assistant), but he smells good and he’s warm; his presence is comforting. It always has been, which is why he’s made the perfect assistant for you.

“Are you okay?” he asks, looking down at the top of your head that simply nods in response.

“Think I pushed my limit,” you admit, much to your assistant’s surprise. It’s not that you’re prideful, but you don’t exactly like showing weakness, especially in front of your employees.

Though tempted to just let you rest your head on his chest because he doesn’t mind the proximity at all and knows you’re somehow comfortable, Johnny makes sure you’re standing steadily by yourself so he can drape your coat over your shoulders. He grabs your purse and wraps an arm around your waist then guides you out of your office, all the way to the parking garage, saying goodbye to the confused cleaning staff on his way out.

He presses the button on the handle of the passenger side’s door to unlock it, opens the door, then fits you inside of his car. Johnny leans over your body to buckle your seat belt, and when he’s back away, he catches you looking at him with a look he can’t quite decipher.

“What’s up?”

You shake your head and blink slowly. “I just really appreciate you, John.”

Johnny just nods to save face and closes the door before making his way to the driver’s seat. He’s not quite sure how to feel or respond to the soft-spoken, sleepy side of you since it’s been months since the one other time you’ve been in a similar situation, and he wasn’t as smitten as he is now.

You’re fighting your sleep because even though you trust Johnny, you want to be as aware during this trip to your house. It’s a hard feat, though. His car is big and comfortable and the hum of the engine is trying to lull you into a deep sleep.

Johnny looks over at you after getting on the main road and notices your internal fight.

“You can fall asleep, you know.”

“You might take my organs.”

“I would’ve done that a long time ago if I wanted to,” Johnny humors you. His response brings a small smile to your face, and that keeps a smile on his own.

“You have a really pretty smile, John.”

“Thank you,” Johnny says, figuring it’s just your exhaustion talking.

“I’m almost jealous of how pretty your lips are,” you sigh, mouth not filtering your thoughts at this point of exhaustion (you’ve gotten 10 hours of sleep in the last week, but no one, especially not Johnny, needs to know that). You don’t care enough to try to “correct” yourself because the pretty curl of his lips gets even deeper.

“Really?” Johnny asks, trying his luck again because he’s sure tonight isn’t like the other day in your office. “You think my lips are pretty?”

You hum and cuddle into his seat even more. After staring at his profile a while longer, you tell him, “I think you’re pretty.”

That makes him laugh again, taken aback at the string of compliments coming out of your mouth towards him of all people. It’s not that you’re mean or don’t applaud him for his great work, but this is a very different side of you that he’s seeing. He likes it.

“That’s a first, but I’ll take it,” he says, taking a moment to look at you again before focusing on the road again. “Thank you.”

“Are you used to hearing ‘handsome?’ ‘Fine?’ ‘Sexy?’” You notice how Johnny’s brows lift. “Too far?”

He shakes his head. “No, you’re good. I like you when you’re nice.”

“You like me regardless,” you say with a sassy scoff, pretending to flip your hair even though it’s slicked back in a low bun, the same as every workday.

Johnny nods slowly, contemplating if he should humor you or just laugh you off. It literally takes him 0.5 seconds to go with the former option because he’s been waiting for the day the two of you step out of professional talk and get into something more personal, specifically between the two of you. “You got me there. I mean, what isn’t there to like?”

Your eyes squint as you analyze him and process his words. There’s a subtle but still very noticeable shift in the air after his question, and while you’re sure it’s your fault for letting your exhaustion let you feel comfortable enough to open your mouth and start spewing out nice things to your assistant, his response is enough to keep it up. It also doesn't help that this is a far more intimate setting than work.

“Be careful, you keep saying things like that and I’ll think you have a crush on me,” you tease him, chuckling at the snort he responds with.

Before Johnny snitches on himself, he flips the script. “Says the one staring at my lips long enough to deem them ‘pretty’ and calling me pretty, of all things.”

“Well,” you start as your gaze goes right back to his mouth at the mention of it. “It would be unprofessional of me to tell you that I think you’re fine as hell, so,” you shrug.

You and Johnny have always had a bit of banter between the two of you, and while this topic isn’t something that’s been covered before, it’s hard to really care when you feel comfortable enough to cross that line right now. If he hadn’t been playing along, you wouldn’t have said anything more than the simple compliment from earlier, but with the reciprocity, the logical voice within gets pushed away. Exhaustion isn’t much of an excuse at this point because that high from tiredness has passed.

The timing of the traffic light turning red is a little too perfect. Johnny takes the opportunity to look at you again, and something lights up in his chest when he catches how your eyes travel up from his mouth to look into his own eyes at his attention.

“It would be unprofessional,” he agrees with another nod of his head. “But I can’t say the feeling isn’t mutual.”

You hum and nod. “Good to know.”

“You must not be sleeping well for you to be throwing out compliments like that.” Johnny leans onto the middle counsel.

“I’m not saying anything I haven’t thought of for a while.” You tell him after a beat, choosing to reply honestly since you’re already here. Johnny quirks a brow to prompt you to elaborate, and you do so, mirroring his position and propping your chin in your hand. His face is a lot closer now, but you keep your eyes on his own orbs to avoid losing focus. “I hired you because of your experience and skill set, but I knew it wouldn’t hurt to have some eye-candy around me. Pretty privilege and all,” you wave a nonchalant hand. “You were perfect until you opened your mouth.”

“You can never be nice to me for long, can you?” he snorts.

“You’re perfect tonight, though,” you add on, specifically for the quirk of Johnny’s mouth that comes from the praise. Yeah, you failed the challenge.

“How so?” Johnny questions, quickly checking to see if the light has changed yet. It hasn’t, and for once in his life he’s grateful for a long light. He feels good about where this conversation could possibly get him after a year of silently admiring you, so good that he not-so-subtly gets even closer, definitely in your bubble, but nothing too crazy.

“You’re calm and collected and taking care of me,” you admit. The silent deep breath you take to calm yourself grants you access to the scent of Johnny’s cologne again, and your mind is so close to deciding that logic is unnecessary. A tiny voice in the back of your mind has been trying to get your attention and steer you in the opposite direction of the one you’ve decided to take, with how you tilt your head up to get just a little closer to him.

“You like being taken care of?”

“I love it,” you confess, and Johnny takes the chance to tuck a stray hair behind your ear as he hums, content with your response. Definitely an excuse to test the waters and see how far he can go and how willing you are to really cross this line. You turn your face into his hand so he cups your jaw, but then there’s a horn sounding behind you because the light is green, and Johnny begrudgingly has to pay attention to the road. You blink, the trance you found yourself in with him so close but so far away dissipating, the situation becoming a lot more real now that he’s out of your space. You slump back into your seat and look out of the window, that voice becoming louder and grounding you as you take another deep breath. “But allowing myself to be vulnerable with someone like that? Yikes.”

He knows your defense mechanism is trying to kick in, but he’s not having it.

“Aside from me?”

You hum. “Not quite…”

You set yourself up. From that moment in the elevator to now, you’ve been digging your own grave, and Johnny has done nothing but assist you, encourage you to dig deeper. You’re not sleepy anymore, there’s no more foggy brain from earlier when he found you asleep in the office. Just desire you’ve done a grand job of ignoring up until the last few days. But unfortunately, you have to remind yourself you’ve been ignoring it for a reason.

Your assistant almost doesn’t say anything because he loves his job and you clearly switched the direction of the conversation for a reason, but so much (yet so little) has already been said during your time in the car and you’ve already said enough to get the gears in his head turning.

“So you mean a different type of care?”Johnny asks. He pulls into your driveway and parks. He wants to get back to the space the two of you were at when stopped at that light, but you’re already unbuckling your seat belt and grabbing your purse, signifying that the moment is long gone. That doesn’t stop him from trying, though. “Do you need me to walk you in?”

“I think I’ve got it now, thanks.” You need to get inside and get some sleep. Are you running right now? Of course. You’re a responsible person and the most responsible thing for you to do as the woman that signs his paychecks, is to get the fuck away from him before he persuades you, because you both know it’s possible.

“Let me rephrase that:” he licks his pretty lips and your fist balls up around your purse’s straps. “Do you want me to walk you in? I know you didn’t need me to do most of what I’ve done tonight, but you let me because you wanted me to.” His ability to read you so well is both a blessing and a curse. “Now would you like for me to continue taking care of you tonight or not?”

You do. You absolutely do. You’re tempted to say yes in the case you don’t end up alone tonight, but you know it’s not a good idea. And you’re sure the atmosphere of this car ride will disappear by the time you wake up. At least that’s what you tell yourself because you know, ethics.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you tell Johnny, opening the door and stepping out. “Thanks for the ride. Drive safe.”

Johnny watches you walk up to your door, unlock it, then disappear into your house. He lets out a deep sigh before backing out of your driveway and driving home.

Tea, fruit slices, and avocado toast are set down in front of you the moment you walk behind your desk.

“Good morning,” Johnny greets you calmly. “Your eleven o’clock meeting has been pushed back thirty minutes, so I’d suggest using the opportunity to get out of the building and get some fresh air. You know, get away from electronics and people to recharge.”

That’s exactly what you’ll do. You’re going to be monitoring the Instagram engagement and website sales for a while, even though you pay people to be on top of numbers, so a break will definitely be needed.

“I love your brain, you know that?” you ask, looking up at him once your jacket and bag are off of your body, meeting his eye. The corner of Johnny’s mouth twitches.

“I told you I’d never disappoint you.”

“And I’m holding you to that.” You ignore the fact that there’s definitely another meaning behind his words. You can’t say the tension that last night’s conversation produced has gone away completely, but it’s weak enough for you to ignore it and stick to the amicable atmosphere the two of you have built for the last year plus.

“Would it be alright if I accompanied you during your walk?” Johnny prompts after a moment of him just standing there, pursing his lips together to refrain himself from grinning at you. “There’s something I’d like to run by you because I trust your opinion as my boss and my friend.”

“We’re friends?” you joke, settling into your seat.

“Last time I checked,” he responds, unfazed. “We could be even closer if you let yourself be vulnerable with me.”

And there it is.

“John,” you say after a brief pause. He’s got his hands in his pockets, face mostly void of emotion. Johnny doesn’t want things to go back to normal, and he’s decided to let you know in the most subtle, yet obvious way. Why ignore the feeling when it’s clearly mutual?

“Yes, boss?”

“You can leave now.”

The grin on the male’s face falters. He examines you to see just how serious you are, and he knows this isn’t one of your playful banter moments. He tries to call your name, either to ease the situation and tell you it was just a bad joke or to apologize, but you just remove your attention from him and get on your iPad.

And when he’s out of the room, the door closed behind him, you let out a frustrated sigh. Up until you fell asleep, if you weren’t thinking about your launch, you were thinking about him. If you weren’t thinking about the numbers from your last launch and the possibility of exceeding them, you were thinking of the way you felt and the words he said while you were in that intimate bubble before the horn honked at him. You had to take a couple melatonin gummies to shut your mind up and knock out. The sleep was amazing, the best you’d had in a while, but then when you were conscious again, Johnny was back.

You could have done without stepping into uncharted territory last night. To him, it may not seem as deep as you’re making it out to be, but there’s too much on the line for you. Your professionalism. Your pride. Your job, quite possibly. His job. You could pay him off if you decided to fire him, but you don’t want to deal with bribes making you feel like a shitty person. You don’t want a new assistant. You want Johnny.

At that very last thought, you pick up the phone and call Jaehyun to have him run the plan by you one more time. He thinks it’s because of his fuck up from before, and you just let him think that.

Thankfully, Johnny is out of your way until later in the night. He didn’t try to accompany you on your walk, but he has no choice but to be here at the company outing taking place to celebrate your products selling out within 4 hours.

All shots are on you, so your employees are taking advantage of this, recording as everyone clinks their shot glasses together and downs the painful alcohol down. You’re two shots in and you mentally note that three is your limit for tonight. Maybe four. You’re already a bit of a lightweight, and there’s no way in hell you’re going to make a fool of yourself in front of your employees. Regardless, you’re having a pretty good time. As a gift, your best friend rented out the bar, so it’s empty save for your large group, and Joohyun’s presence is a godsend. She’s being friendly enough to your employees and for the most part she hasn’t left your side, being the comfort she doesn’t realize you need.

“Congrats again, babe,” she says excitedly to you, pushing another shot in front of you as she scoots into the seat next to you. “Can we take that vacation in Bora Bora now that you’re free and even richer?” Her teasing smile makes you crack one of your own and sigh.

“You know that trip is for August. Be patient, Bae.”

She rolls her eyes but her expression doesn’t falter. Her gaze wanders a bit as she sips from her mixed drink and then she’s looking at you expectantly. You raise a brow to prompt her.

“How is it that all of your employees are hot as fuck?” she asks bluntly. “Even the women.”

You take a glance around like you don’t remember what everyone looks like. “I mean, I guess.”

“Especially a certain assistant.”

“Go for it,” you tell her, nodding in his direction. The said male is at the bar ordering something with his arm draped over Jaehyun’s shoulders, the two of them laughing about whatever the latter just said.

“You know that’s not why I said that,” Joohyun scoffs, swatting at your arm. You may have mentioned to her a while ago that your assistant is very nice on the eyes and you sometimes enjoy watching him as he does his job. “Plus, Jaehyun’s more my type.”

You shrug. “I’m sure they’d be down for a threesome.”

Your best friend hits you once again. “What’s with your mood? You’re not acting like someone who just sold out in only a few hours.”

Before she decided to bring a certain assistant up, you were doing pretty well. You’d been able to not look at him for too long or even have to speak to him much aside from a greeting and his congratulations before he was by Jaehyun’s side and Joohyun was by yours. But now, with him being mentioned, your eyes are having a hard time pulling away from his figure. His tie is loosened and the top few buttons of his shirt are undone. His sleeves are rolled up right under his elbows and show off the tattoo on his arm.

You rip your eyes off of him and down your shot. Yeah, you’re thinking four.

Joohyun’s incredulous laugh brings your attention back to her. “You didn’t.”

“What?”

She leans into your side to whisper, “You’re in a mood because of Johnny?”

You side-eye her because you don’t like how quickly she read you, and her smile grows wide.

“Oh, my—you slept with Johnny?!” she continues to whisper-yell.

“No,” you hiss. “I did not. But I could have and that’s the issue.”

“Not seeing the issue?” She’s always been the little devil on your left shoulder. “The only reason I brought him up is because I’ve noticed how often you have his attention when you’re not even in the same area. And I know the difference between a look of concern and a look of want. He’s got a good ratio of both going on.”

“Okay, Miss Couple’s Therapist,” you mutter. “You ever heard of conflict of interest?”

And that shuts her up. Only for a few seconds, though.

“All I’m saying is I know you’ve thought about it… and you’re probably thinking about it now,” she giggles, making it hard for you to keep glaring at her. “I’m just trying to help you understand that it wouldn’t be a bad thing if there is a mutual understanding between the two of you on what flies and what cannot and shall not happen regarding the matter. You’re both consenting adults and it’s obvious he’d be on his knees for you with the snap of a finger.”

You decide against telling her about last night’s situation nor do you let her know you’re considering her words. That you’ve been considering the whole thing for days.

You change the subject instead, asking her about how her latest trip overseas went.

It lasts for only so long when Johnny and Jaehyun make their way over to your table.

They greet the two of you and you give a nod, choosing now to be the perfect time to check your notifications, while Joohyun says, “Hey guys.”

“Why are you checking your phone when you should be enjoying your time?” Johnny asks right by your ear, his voice lacking excitement but instead low enough to almost make your thumb falter as you scroll. “Get off your phone and celebrate, please?”

You make the mistake of looking up. He’s too close to your face to use the music playing through the speakers in the bar as an excuse. His eyes don’t have their usual playful glint in them. They look down at you with a purpose, and you’re kind of embarrassed at how fast you comply with his request. You drop the device into your purse and zip it up for extra measures.

“Thank you,” he smiles. “I got this for you two, by the way.”

Johnny slides a plate of your favorite wings on the table.

“Aw thank you, Johnny,” Joohyun coos, shooting you an annoyingly smug glance. “Are you gonna sit with us?”

“Is that okay with you, boss?” Jaehyun asks after sharing a look with his friend.

“Have at it,” you smile tightly, gesturing to the seats across from you. While they make themselves comfortable, you steal your best friend’s shot and actively ignore the way she looks at you from the corner of her eye.

Joohyun and Jaehyun fall into conversation easily after she compliments the watch he’s wearing. You nibble on some celery, actively ignoring how Johnny’s still too close. He subtly squeezes your knee to get your attention, and when he’s got it, he tilts his head in the direction of the bar.

“I drank enough,” you tell him with a shake of your head.

“It’s not about a drink. I would like to speak to you alone, please,” Johnny explains in a whisper. A tiny voice in your mind says hell no because of what Joohyun has put in your head, but the rational voice reminds you that he is your assistant and you can’t avoid him forever.

You tell your best friend that you’re gonna get a drink and that you’ll be back, and when she notices Johnny getting up with you she nods with a whisper of a smirk on her lips all without breaking the conversation she’s having.

“What’s up?” you ask once seated on a barstool, at least a few seats away from everyone else.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I was trying to make light of the situation and I took it too far. As for last night, it was wrong of me to make a proposition like, so I want to apologize for that, as well.”

You nod as he speaks, letting his words process in your brain.

“I spoke out of line last night and gave you an opening, so that part was on me. I apologize and I hope we can move forward from it. Thank you for your apology.” You try to get up and make your way back to your table quickly, but Johnny gently grabs your hand until he knows you’ll stay in your seat.

For a moment he wanted to just apologize so you can stop being distant with him and he can stop purposely avoiding you for your space, but your response rubs him the wrong way and now he doesn’t really want to drop it. He wants to talk about it because the topic clearly came up for a reason last night and he’s tired of denying how he feels towards you, especially now that he knows he’s not alone after a while of thinking there was no way in hell his little crush would even get him this far.

“Can you not shut me out right now?”

You really don’t like his ability to see through you.

“I accepted your apology and gave you the one you deserved... how am I shutting you out?” you bullshit him anyway.

“I’m not gonna pretend that what happened last night didn’t happen. I can’t,” Johnny tells you honestly. “Can I speak to you as a friend instead of your employee for a moment?”

“I guess,” you shrug.

“As your friend, what I say cannot be held against me as your assistant.”

“Whatever, John. Go ahead.”

“I want you,” he confesses, and there’s really no going back from here. “I am very attracted to you and when you spoke about wanting to be vulnerable and taken care of last night it only made me want you more. And if there’s anyone you can let your guard down with and that will take great care of you, it’s me, and you know this.”

All you can do is stare at him for a while. If you hadn’t had that conversation with Joohyun a while ago you would not still be in this seat, letting him know you’re truly considering his proposition. The dip in your gut at his confession confirms your feelings, but your brain and your body conflict.

Can you separate business from pleasure in this instance?

If you allow your desires to become reality and it’s nothing like what you imagined, you’d never be able to look at him the same, no matter how good he is at his job. You’d either have to fire him or become so distant he’d want to quit. Would a bribe really have to be offered for the well-being of your precious company? The thought alone rubs you the wrong way.

But if you’re being honest with yourself, you just know it wouldn’t be a bad experience because it’s Johnny. He’s calculated and good at anything that gets thrown at him. You truly believe him when he says he’d never disappoint you. But how will you go about seeing him five days a week without seeing him in a different light? You’re professional but there would definitely be a change in your dynamic.

“I adore you as my assistant, John,” you finally speak up after too long. “And I do consider you a friend. I just don’t want to compromise our relationship over lust.”

“It’s not just lust, though,” Johnny states. “I’m not in love with you or anything but I care about you and want to take care of you the way we both know you need and deserve.”

He’s saying all of the right things and it’s almost as if the universe is rubbing him in your face. Your control is slipping and you don’t like it. You would love to be taken care of. You crave it. Running a business right before the age of thirty comes with so much stress and bullshit and you haven’t been taken care of in years, at least not properly. You’re content with being single because you give yourself everything you need and you love having your own space, but it does get lonely sometimes. And you can’t do everything yourself, at least not to the extent you need. Your eyes scan down from his face to his hands and your resolve gets a little weaker.

“I’m not going to push you, okay? I just had to let you know that I’m here to help you in many more ways than in the office and that if anything were to ever happen, my lips are sealed. I’d even sign a damn contract if that meant I could have you for just one whole day.”

“A whole day?” you ask before you can stop your curiosity from being known.

“I can’t elaborate on that. I can talk to you as a friend all I want but I know that too much detail can fuck up my job if you’re not down and I’m perfectly content with my job right now.”

He’s so vague, yet he’s said just the right amount. It’s easy to imagine what exactly could be in store if you release your inhibitions and just agree, but it’s not that easy. And Johnny understands that.

“Just think about it, alright?” He requests, and you nod slowly. “What drink would you like?”

“I’ve already had four shots—”

“No one said it had to be alcoholic,” Johnny laughs.

“Hello?” Johnny’s morning voice grumbles.

“Okay.”

It’s quiet on the other end of the line for a while as Johnny wakes up and decodes your single word. When he understands, his smile can be heard through his next words.

“Would you prefer I go to you or you come here?”

“I’ll go to you.”

“How does noon sound?”

“Good,” you nod, even though he can’t see the movement.

“Alright. There’s a couple of questions I have before you come over, though,” he tells you, his voice suddenly a lot more serious than it was before.

“Okay, go ahead,” you sigh, curling into a ball on your sofa.

“Do you trust me?”

“I do.” Of course you trust him. Johnny smiles at how quick your answer. “You know that.”

“Trusting me with your work and trusting me with your mind and body are completely different things,” he tells you matter-of-factly. “But yes, I did know. I just needed to ask.”

“I clearly trust you enough to be hours away from going to your place without thinking you’re gonna exploit or blackmail me.”

“And I appreciate it. As I said, I’ll sign a contract if you’re still in your head about it.” At the dismissive response you give him, he continues with his questions. “We’re not gonna be weird about this before, during, and especially after everything, right?”

“No, I won’t be weird,” you chuckle, knowing his ‘we’ translates to ‘you.’ “It would’ve took me way longer to give you an answer if I was still gonna be weird or standoffish.”

“What made you change your mind so quickly?”

You blink at the tree on the other side of your window blankly. It took less than a day to give him a response, and while he may have popped up in your dream last night, Joohyun was right. You want him and he’s not shy about letting you know how much he wants you in return, so why play this game of tiptoeing and faux unclarity?

“You’re asking too many questions now,” you deadpan. “I’ll see you later.”

The last thing you hear before you hang up is Johnny laughing quietly to himself, sounding endeared.

You’ve always been punctual, so when you knock on his door, it’s twelve on the dot. And Johnny was expecting this, with it only taking him a couple of seconds to unlock and open the door for you.

“Hey,” he greets you with a smile and you immediately take in his appearance, having never been around Johnny in anything but formal wear. You take in how he looks in the comfort of his own home, his brown hair is parted down the middle in comparison to how he always has it pushed back, and his fitted white tee shirt and joggers are a stark difference from the button-downs and slacks he usually adorns around you. He looks good either way, you note.

“Hey.”

You walk past him into his home and take your shoes off, and while pleasantries are exchanged, it’s Johnny’s turn to give you elevator eyes. The grey color of your athletic wear draws attention to the curve of your ass and hips. Your hair isn’t in its signature style, but out and flowing about freely. When you turn back around to face him he notices you don’t have your typical red lipstick on, just a clear sheen covering your lips. He didn’t think you could look any better, but here he is, being proven wrong.

You’re guided down a hallway and into his room, and the first thing you notice is a cute stuffed animal on his dresser. One you remember buying him for his birthday because that was his only request, seeing that it was limited edition.

“I still can’t believe you wanted this of all things,” you laugh fondly, picking it up and examining it.

“You gave me a budget and this fit in it,” Johnny shrugs, coming up behind you. His chest molds into your back naturally, causing you to look up from the plushie and up at him through the mirror in front of you. “There was no way in hell I was coming out of pocket for that myself when you were willing to spend big bucks on me.”

You relax into his chest, the vibration against your back a very pleasant feeling. “Touché.”

The last few days of building sexual frustration did nothing to prepare you for the suffocating blanket of tension that envelopes you once Johnny lifts your head up to the side and presses one of the gentlest kisses to your lips. Followed by another chaste one, and another until you find yourself chasing his lips.

“Feel free to bite into it when it becomes too much for you,” Johnny graciously offers in a whisper that tickles your lips.

You scoff, amused by his confidence.

“I’m a grown ass woman,” you remind him. “I promise you there’s nothing I couldn’t handle.”

“And I’m gonna hold you to that.” He nods, using your own words against you. You’re turned around by his hands on your hips until you’re facing him. A moment of silent eye contact translate to him challenging you before his pretty, soft lips slowly slide in time with yours.

The longer he kisses you, the more your body melts into his. You find yourself being pulled forward, him walking backwards. The kiss interrupted when he sits down at the foot of his bed, but then you’re pulled onto his lap, straddling him to resume it. A hand on the side of his face prompts him to deepen the kiss, and your mouth instantly opens when you feel his tongue brush against your bottom lip, the wet muscle minty when it touches your own and you curl yours around it to get an even better taste.

Your hands find his hair as his own grip your ass, pulling a muffled whimper out of you. And then you’re flipped onto your back, legs falling apart to give Johnny freedom to stand. He swiftly takes his shirt off and then he’s interrupted by your palms glide up his abdomen. You’ve never felt small around practically anyone in your adult years, but with how he hovers over you, you feel tiny. You know he and Jaehyun have been going to the gym frequently, but at this angle, you can really appreciate just how big and broad he is.

Originally, you figured you’d give him the reign to do whatever he wanted and you’d bask in being a pillow princess for once in your life, but in the position you’ve found yourself in, with his print in your face, you drag your hands back south and tug his waistband down.

Johnny just watches you silently until he understands you’re doing more than just assisting him with stripping. Your hand grabs hold of his semi (your mouth waters at how hung he is and you briefly wonder how you never noticed before), his sweatpants forgotten halfway down his thighs. The way your eyes have tunnel vision and you lick your lips tells him your plan. “You wanna suck my dick?” he asks anyway, making sure he accessed this correctly.

Your eyes fly up to meet his gaze. “Yeah. You want me to?”

“You think I’d ever say no to you?”

His response goes straight in between your legs, so you focus your attention back on his dick, which has grown some during the time of your small interaction, and you might be a little more excited about this than you initially thought you’d be.

You let spit fall from your mouth onto his tip, then spread it down with your hand. You flick your wrist up and down a few times and lean forward, licking a broad stripe up his shaft. At the deep exhale he releases, you glance up at him through your lashes, and the sight of him with his jaw tightened in anticipation makes you want to give him so much more, so you suck the tip into your mouth.

Fingers move your hair behind your ear for you and if you still had any inhibitions at this point, they’re lost now. Your head bobs back and forth slowly as you continue to look him in his eyes; it’s hard to look anywhere else when you’ve never been looked at so intensely in this position. You gather spit on the tip of your tongue and spread it across his head, circling the wet muscle around it until he hums and you need to feel the weight of him back inside.

“Tap my leg, okay?”

You furrow your brows at his words, but your silent question is answered when there’s a hand on the back of your head and the tip of his dick hits the back of your throat lightly as if in warning before his hips pull back then he’s back in your throat. Your hands come up to his thighs as he sets a slow pace to fuck your face, and when his head falls back the moment he realizes he can go as far as he wants, you close your eyes and prepare for the onslaught you know you’re about to take.

Johnny’s hips instantly pick up speed and roughness, and while he’s still in control of himself, he loses a bit of sanity. After a year of silent pining and thinking this would never happen, he’s fucking his boss's face, and of course, of fucking course you don’t have a gag reflex.

You stick your tongue out flat to lick at the bottom of his shaft as he does the rest of the work and the feeling of spit bubbling out the sides of your mouth and making its way down your chin digs your fingers into his skin since you can’t clench your thighs together. Your hair is gathered for extra leverage, and the pull of your scalp is such a delicious feeling you moan helplessly just when your nose comes in contact with trimmed hairs.

“Shit,” he hisses, picking his head back up to watch as he slows back down but thrusts in rougher. You clearly enjoy being used like this, spit traveling down your chin to the point of landing on your jacket and darkening the material. You’re a mess in the best possible way, and this is an image that will haunt his memory for a very long time.

More of his resolve crumbles at the feeling of your hands curling around to his butt to press him even closer into you, even further down your throat. You haven’t even been touched, barely kissed, but you’re lightheaded and extremely aroused. While he contemplates if he should cum down your throat or wait until he’s buried in your pussy, you’re silently hoping he lets you taste him soon.

Johnny drags his dick out of your mouth at an extremely slow pace, and how you wrap your lips around him and open your hooded, darkened eyes to look at him again shoots a shiver of pleasure up his spine.

“Never would’ve thought,” he says around an amused exhale.

“Hm?” you prompt, releasing him with a loud pop.

“Nothing.” He shakes his head. He grips his dick with his free hand and taps the tip on your awaiting tongue, amused and extremely turned on. Smearing fluids over your tongue and lips, he softly demands: “Play with your pussy for me.”

The smile you give him is a concoction of wicked and endearing. He releases your hair as you manage to wiggle out of your leggings. You soaked through your lace and leggings, you both notice, and Johnny stops you with a disapproving hum when you make a move to remove your panties as well. You squint, he laughs and shakes his head.

“Over your panties.” You roll your eyes but listen nonetheless, slipping your hand in between your thighs. The material is extremely wet to the touch, and the slickness helps with making the friction pleasurable when your fingertips find your clit and begin rubbing circles. “Slowly.”

Johnny finds your huff of frustration adorable.

The tip of his dick taps your mouth again to gain your attention. You suck spit up to the front of your mouth, then your mouth is stretched wide once again, hand back in your hair.

Having your throat fucked with the additional pleasure on your clit, even with the slow pace you’re forced to go at, has you practically whining, the sound going in and out as he goes in and out your mouth. That vibration only spurs Johnny to grip your locks tighter and thrust in deeper to feel as much as your mouth and throat offer.

“You were made for this, huh?”

“Mhm,” you affirm, eyes rolling back at the way he pulls your hair to tip your head back and get a different, much better angle.

Johnny honestly didn’t expect you to submit so easily to him. The visual of your face all messy, eyes hardly opened to look into his eyes and hair out of place while touching yourself sparks that feeling in his lower abdomen.

“You want me to cum in your mouth?” You hum again and even with a mouth full of dick you manage to smile. You’re getting what you wanted. “Don’t swallow it until I tell you to.”

It takes a few more strokes for Johnny to fulfill your wish. The moment his head falls back again you use your free hand to caress his balls, and that does it. He leaves the tip in so that his cum pools onto your tongue and strokes every drop out. The groan he lets out causes you to unintentionally swipe at your clit faster, but he’s distracted anyway.

“Let me see,” Johnny says after collecting himself and stepping back. You straighten your head so none slides down your throat and open your mouth wider for his inspection. He smiles in approval, wishing he could take a picture of the sight before him. “Swallow.”

You lick your lips and wipe away all the spit that traveled outside of your mouth with the sleeve of your jacket after doing so.

Johnny completely removes his pants before he leans down to kiss you again. His tongue languidly licks against the seam of your mouth for an entrance that you grant instantly. While it curls around your own and he gets a taste of himself, Johnny’s hand guides you to bend one leg and he caresses your outer thigh.

“Good?” Johnny asks for extra measure, lips just barely dragging across your cheek to press opened mouth kisses on your jaw. Your head automatically tilts to the opposite side to give him more real estate. You hum, your mouth a bit preoccupied with how your teeth have trapped your bottom lip.

Your breath stutters at the gentle scrape of his teeth along the length of your neck after he unzips the high neck of your top to expose more skin. Whichever scent you chose to put on today has Johnny latched onto your neck for a while, kissing, licking, nibbling the skin to the point of your breath coming out a lot louder than before and the seat on your underwear getting uncomfortably wetter. You’re throbbing at this point and not being touched enough, so you claw at his sides and call his name quietly.

Johnny eventually spreads your legs more and maneuvers himself in between them. Both of your legs bend at the knee to accommodate his large build in the middle of them, and the hand that isn’t keeping himself propped up by your head kneads your hip.

“You know how long I’ve been wanting to get you like this?”

“How long?” you prompt, voice hardly above a whisper.

“Since the day you gave me a tour of the building,” he admits and slowly rises until he’s up on his knees.

“That’s a long time,” you respond lamely, hardly caring when your pussy is practically screaming at you to be touched. He raises a brow, and when he looks back up at your face, your lip is back in between your teeth.

If he doesn’t touch you soon you might explode.

“I’ve wanted this for a while, too,” you decide to confess, hoping it gets you somewhere. And it does. It’s almost like you’re rewarded for it by Johnny walking back on his knees until he’s far enough to settle on his stomach, face barely inches away from the apex of your thighs. He subconsciously licks his lips at the smell of you. He’s been wanting to taste you for so long now, but he refrains himself because he sees how you’re affected by the lack of attention to your heat. He promised he’d take care of you and that’s exactly what he’s going to do. But not before breaking you.

“Wish you would’ve told me sooner,” he eventually tells you after having you hold your breath for way too long.

“You know I couldn’t.” The way Johnny looks at you, attentive to every word that comes out of your mouth while he smoothly scoops your legs over his shoulders to wrap his arms around your thighs, makes you continue speaking. “Seems like everything fell into place, though.”

Johnny nods, rests his head on one of your thighs, and looks up at you, brown eyes still watching your mouth intently, as he unhooks one of his arms to push your right leg further to the side. His fingers are soon on your center, gliding up and down your slit, bumping into your clit with each pass.

“I guess it did.”

Before you can reply, he adds more pressure behind his touch, and your hips just barely lift to get even more. The smile you get in return is attractive as all hell but annoying. He knows exactly what he’s doing to you or he’s just really enjoying himself. Either way, you’re getting more impatient by the second, if the way your hips rise to grind your core against his fingers again says anything.

“Stay still for me, okay?” You almost pout because you need more, but you promised to give him total control of the situation and you’ve done well thus far, so you press your ass back into his comforter. “There you go.”

Your pussy clenches around nothing.

The light pressure on your clit is soon gone and then the zipper of your jacket gets dragged down all the way. “Take this off for me.”

Sitting up, you do as told. You toss it where your leggings had been dropped and now you’re presented in front of the awe-struck brunet in just your matching set of underwear. You figured you’d wear something nice under your clothes, both for Johnny’s pleasure and for your confidence, and with how Johnny’s eyes settle on the way your breasts are trying to burst out of your snug lacy bra, you know you chose well.

A hand slides up your torso to grab one of your breasts and squeeze it. Somewhere in the midst of him fondling your chest and pressing teasing, yet promising kisses on your inner thighs your eyes drift shut again as you bask in the pleasure. One of your own hands comes up from your side to slide under the cup of your unoccupied tit and pull at your nipple.

The tip of Johnny’s tongue drags dangerously close to your annoying-still-clothed heat and your patience is shot.

“John…”

“Yes?”

“I need more.”

He has the audacity to hum and give your clit a kitten lick. “Do you?”

You huff, stuck between just pushing his face into your pussy or doing what he asks of you, but you promised, so you suck in a breath and give him what he wants.

“John,” you say again, almost whining.

He doesn’t say anything, just continues to look at you expectantly. And when too much time goes by, it somehow hits you what he wants from you and you groan quietly to yourself.

“Please.”

“That was very convincing,” Johnny snorts. His nose glides across the inside of your thigh like he’s got all the time in the world. It tickles in the best way, but it’s nothing but teasing and you’ve been stimulated enough that if you go more than a couple of seconds more without his mouth giving you direct pleasure, you’ll go insane. So with a great amount of willpower, you try again.

“Johnny,” you whine, giving him your best pout. Addressing him so informally feels foreign, but the way his eyes light up encourages you to keep going.“Please?”

And of course a big smile takes up half of his face and you mentally prepare yourself for what’s next to come. He peels your panties off, both of you watching the line of slick that stretches then breaks in the process, and when you spread your legs even more for him, his mouth salivates.

Johnny makes sure you’re looking into his eyes as his tongue licks a wide stripe from your entrance to your clit. He wants to be smug at the gasp you let out, but the taste of you shuts his ego up quickly.

You squeak when you’re suddenly flipped onto your stomach and your ass is lifted up into the air. With yet another broad lick to coat his taste buds with your essence, Johnny buries his face in your pussy. He uses the tip of his tongue to collect the puddle of wetness you’ve produced and smears it over your clit, soon digging inside to directly stimulate the bundle of nerves.

Johnny’s lips close around your clit and he sucks on it softly. As the moments pass he gradually sucks harder to the point of you not being able to fight the way your eyes flutter shut and hips push back. He’s nice about the movement, just grabbing your hips to keep you still, soon caressing and kneading.

“Mm, that feels good,” you compliment. At that very moment, Johnny decides to roll his tongue in up and down motions and apply more pressure behind his hands. “Fuck, that feels so good.”

He prompts you with a hum of his own.

With how your moans start to get louder and your breath gets quicker and harder, not to mention the tingles you feel building in intensity, you know you’re already close. It’s a beautiful yet frustrating feeling because you don’t want this to end so soon after waiting so long. But you also want him inside of you so bad now.

Johnny comes back up to circle your entrance, and then he goes even higher.

“Are you— fuck,” you groan deeply.

Your hands grip the pillow your face is buried in and your eyes have found the back of your head again. Johnny just hums at the way you react, the octave of your voice as you let out your sounds of pleasure go straight to his dick. His tongue licks filthily up and down, not leaving an inch untouched nor missing a drop of your juice. His fingers rub your entrance until he slides one in. One becomes two after a few pumps, then his thumb presses into your clit and your back is arched almost uncomfortably.

“Johnny,” you whine again, breath hiccuped.

“Yes?” he prompts, lifting his head and looking up to see your face peaking around your body, smushed into his pillow still.

“I wanna cum,” you tell him. It feels too good now. “Fuck, I need to come, Johnny.”

“Then cum for me.” His voice is so gentle yet commanding as his digits speed up. He tongues the skin between your holes sloppily and you try to curl into yourself, your mouth wide opened with no sound coming out of it, your walls clenching madly around the fingers inside of you, and your grip on the cushion is borderline painful.

Johnny helps you ride out your orgasm for as long as possible until your body begins shuddering due to oversensitivity. He gradually slows down to a stop, then removes himself from your body to let you breathe correctly. While he sucks on his fingers, he uses his clean hands to soothingly rub your back, waiting for you to calm back down.

You’re a bit dazed during the transition of more kissing that leads you on top of him, straddling him once again. You vaguely remember the caresses on your waist or the pinch of his fingers playing with your nipples, but the feeling of your bare pussy dragging against his dick is very memorable because it sparks a desperate need within you to sit on it.

Johnny’s hands on your hips move you to continue the friction, moving you back and forth on his dick easily. Foreheads connected as you catch your breath from the kiss you just broke away from, the two of you watch silently as his head reappears and disappears behind your lips, turning you both on until he’s fully hard again and you can’t handle him not being inside of you anymore.

You lift up on your knees to align his tip with your entrance. A silent look is exchanged where you ask and he nods once. He lets you take your time, enjoying the feeling of his tip directly rubbing against your sopping entrance.

Your labored breaths at the sensation bring his attention to your chest, and his mouth wraps around a nipple without a thought. By now, you deem his dick wet enough to press his head in your hole and press your hips down. The moment he slides in your head falls back because the stretch burns in the best way. It feels like time doesn’t exist as you work your way down his length, inch by inch. Your hips naturally find a slow rhythm as you lift and drop them to take in more until he slides in and out easily.

When your features no longer show discomfort, Johnny begins moving with you. Every time he lifts his hips up a little to meet your thrusts his body slumps down the headboard. His hands are loose on your waist as you move your body up and down and he’s got the perfect view of his dick going in and out of your core while you’re controlling the pace and intensity. The muscles in your thighs start to burn, so you slow down to a stop and carefully slide your way down until your clit comes in contact with his pubic bone, resulting in your eyes rolling back, hips grinding on their own accord.

“How the fuck do you feel this good?” Johnny groans deeply, hands gripping your ass to assist your movements.

His compliment, his hungry, intense gaze as they take you in from your eyes—which mirror his own—down to the trail of slick you’ve left behind on his tamed curls from the swivel of your hips, and the way his cock rubs against your g-spot send you over the edge within moments. Johnny soothingly rubs a cheek with one hand while the other caresses your arched spine, keeping his hips still to let you ride your orgasm out on your own.

You slump into him, head on his shoulder, panting against his neck. A sigh of content slips out when Johnny hugs you tightly against his broad chest right before asking, “You alright?”

“Great,” you reply breathlessly.

Johnny smiles at the positive response. He lifts his hips experimentally and gauges your reaction, which is a satisfied hum.

“You want more?” he asks, hands moving to your hips to carefully grind against him. How could you say no? “Hands and knees, baby.”

You begin climbing off to the side of him then he follows your lead and lifts himself up so you can settle on your knees and bend until your face slides onto his pillow. Your hands grab the sides of it in anticipation.

A deep groan sounds from behind you, so you crane your neck and see the way he stares down at how he can see everything you have to offer him at this moment. One hand goes to his dick while the other massages one of your cheeks. He runs the swollen tip of his dick along your slit, collecting what’s oozed out. You close your eyes and relax the side of your face into the cushion beneath it and take a breath, preparing yourself for the stretch and intensity this angle never fails to bring.

He slowly starts to breach your entrance. There’s a pause, then you hear him spit down before more of him slips inside of you inch by inch with each roll of his hips. He keeps his movements shallow for a while and your walls reaccept him easily. A particular thrust sends him deep inside of you, his tip just barely kissing your cervix. Your body’s first instinct is to run away from it. His hands on your hips stop you from fleeing, holding you still and rubbing the skin there to ease you.

“I won’t go too deep,” he tells you, hips still as he kisses up your spine and makes you dizzy by the tenderness of it all. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

You nod at his promises and take another steadying breath, then the pleasurable friction is back. You’d believe anything he told you with that intoxicating voice of his.

A loud, embarrassing squelch comes out of your core when he’s sheathed inside that makes you bury your face into the pillow. There’s one last kiss at the top of your spine before the body heat from his chest is gone and he’s back upright. He finds his rhythm easily, and hands return to your backside, fingers digging into the flesh, no doubt leaving behind white imprints. He uses his grip as leverage to fuck down into you at a different angle that allows him to speed up and rip an unrestrained moan from your throat.

“You okay?”

You nod violently and sob, “Yes! Oh, my god, yes.”

Content, Johnny hums and you just know he’s grinning down at you by the sound of his voice when he asks: “Feels good?”

“So good,” you whine, unable to close your mouth or stop noises from coming out of it. You begin dropping your hips down to meet his thrusts, the loud smacks of skin against skin echoing and bouncing off of the walls of his room. “Fuck it feels so good, Johnny.”

“I know, baby” he groans. “And this pussy feels so fucking good—shit.”

The two of you get lost in the rhythm you’ve created and no more words are exchanged for a while, just the sound of groans that comes deep from Johnny’s throat and whines and pants that make you drool all while drying your throat out. The room has gotten increasingly hotter and your bodies now shine with a thin, sticky sheen that makes the back of your thighs stick to the front of his own every time he fucks back into you. Your sensitive nipples rub harshly against the sheets, stimulating you even further to the point of another sob ripping out of your throat and your walls fluttering around his girth.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whimper. Your divulgence prompts him to reach his arm under you to graze his fingertips over your engorged clit and then you’re repeating your words over and over again until your actions meet your words and you’re cumming all over him. Your essence drips down the insides of your thighs and his balls and his thrusts create wetter, louder noises. A swivel of your hips causes his dick to pop out and suddenly your body is vibrating.

“There you go, baby,” Johnny praises you, sliding back into you and precisely hitting that spot within you a few more times until your pussy clenches again and he pulls out again, letting more wetness spray the sheets under you.

“Look at you,” he continues with a deep chuckle. “Making such a big mess.”

You don’t know if he really meant for you to look but your curiosity gets the best of you and you lift your head and look in between your legs. There’s a dark puddle on his sheets and another whine leaves your body, your head falling back into the pillow.

“Can you handle more?” Johnny asks you softly, slapping the top of your asscheek with his dick.

You need more. You don’t know what the hell Johnny has done to you and your body but you feel empty and not satisfied enough. Your core is raw at this point but you want nothing more than to feel the velvety skin of his thick, long dick sliding in and out of you and hitting every spot in you that makes your body convulse again.

“Please,” you beg, wagging your hips to emphasize your needs. “Please, Johnny.”

“I’ve got you begging now?” He sounds so turned on yet taken aback, another dark laugh vibrating your body at the nod of your head and movement of your body. If you were in your right mind, you would be ashamed of your behavior and submission to your assistant, but you’re not. And who cares when you’ve never felt this way before and crave to feel even more?

“I need it,” you confess without shame. “Need you back inside of me.”

Johnny doesn’t need any more convincing to be back, deep within you and instantly satisfying you again. Your breath stutters and it’s not easy to speak in coherent sentences, but that doesn’t stop you from trying to voice your pleasure and appreciation to the brunet whose self-control only continues to dissolve the faster he slams into you and the higher your voice gets.

Both of your breath patterns get quicker, loud, more erratic, signaling the approach of his first release and your third? Fourth? You can’t keep up with it when your brain has turned into mush and you can barely remember your own name, only his own registering in your brain. His name rolls off of your tongue like a mantra, driving him insane behind you.

“Where do you want me to cum?” he pants. It takes you too long to swallow in an attempt to lubricate your throat and answer him, Johnny humming in question impatiently.

“My back,” you manage to squeak out. You’re impressed with the amount of control he has, the slamming of his hips into your ass somehow speeding up and getting rougher. Johnny lacks the control and precision from before, and the way his tip kisses your cervix rips a yell out of you, eyes watering as you hold on for dear life. He releases a drawn out groan from deep within, and not too long later you feel ropes of cum land on your lower back and ass.

Your body is shaking. Tears leak out of your eyes, your breath is hard to catch, and quiet cries come out. You’re gently flipped over and pulled into strong arms, quickly finding comfort in the chest you settle into.

“You’re okay, baby,” Johnny’s soft voice says to you, but you can’t open your eyes or your mouth to acknowledge him. You’re confused about why you’re reacting to this, but you don’t dislike it. Especially when you have Johnny to soothe you and help you calm down. “Are you hurting anywhere?”

You shake your head and finally try to respond, but it takes a couple of coughs and harsh swallows of spit to do so. “No. I feel good. Everywhere.”

Your speech is choppy, unlike your usual way of speaking, but stringing words into sentences that flow well is too much work right now. Johnny doesn’t mind; he loves that he had that effect on you after you’ve had him under your spell for so long. He loves the fact he successfully kept his promise to you and now you’re boneless in his arms.

He reaches for the glass of water on his nightstand and hands it to you. “Are you ready for a bath?”

“Can I fall asleep in the bath?” you ask, wiping your face tiredly.

“Sure,” Johnny says softly before setting you down on the dry part of the bed. “I’ll come get you once it’s ready.”

That’s how the rest of the day plays out, you getting taken care of in multiple ways. Your favorite method is with his tongue and fingers as he made out with your pussy for what felt like hours in lieu of an apology for going so hard. And maybe Johnny purposely falls asleep next to you after you’re bathed, fed, and exhausted from coming, curled up into his side in the new sheets because he wants you to stay a little longer. There’s no way in hell he’ll ever get to see this side of you again after today.

“Good morning,” Johnny greets you. It’s eight in the morning the following Monday, and he’s got your avocado toast and fruit in his hands as he walks up to your desk.

You're rummaging through your bag looking for the bobby pins you threw inside of it this morning in your rush to get to work on time because believe it or not, you overslept. You give up in favor of looking up to greet him back, but your voice decides not to come out when your eyes lock with his. There hadn’t been any contact since you woke up in the middle of the night and he walked you to his door with a lingering kiss that quite literally took your breath away to close out the short chapter of your relationship you’d just created. You were still tired, but you definitely were not supposed to sleep over, so it was nothing.

But now, seeing the same eyes that stared into your own while you came and cried his name multiple times, all you can do is blink. And then he licks his pretty lips. You knew this would happen. You’re not mad at it, though. How could you be when you’d never experienced someone like him before? In hindsight, there was no possible way to go back to normal after the intimacy, tenderness, and raw attraction you shared that day. No possible way to never want another taste.

“You okay?” he asks unsurely, setting your plates down.

And here it comes.

“Johnny,” you say lowly, setting your bag down. The quirk in his brow and the corner of his mouth lets you know he’s onto you. And that just makes things easier for you. “Lock the door.”

yikesssssss

#johnny seo scenarios #johnny seo scenario #johnny seo smut #nct scenarios #nct scenario #nct smut #lets not talk abt the ending i needed to end this monster

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lost-inthedream · 2 years

Note

hi, sugar, how about boyfriend Wyatt or make out session with him?

Hey! 🥰🥰 I guess writing all of this in one post makes some sense 💫

Boyfriend!Wyatt

Communication:

Jaeyoung is more to the open side when it comes to dialog. Thanks to it you quickly become his girlfriend. One day you all became friends who spent nights up chatting and a less then a week later you were in a date.

By the way, the first time he asked you out was after you told him about your favorite café. He asked whether you could carry him there and yea, you set a date with that sweetheart!!

He looks at you with glassy eyes in the most warm way possible when you are talking. It's like he's trying to capture all your facial expressions. Sometimes he forgets to talk back oops You probably feel like telling him your entire life.

Everything reminds him of you. He likes to text you through the day to say when he is thinking of you. Absolutely melts inside when you do the same.

One thing he likes very much is the selfies you send him. "You always look so cute. I wish I could meet you right now".

He somehow sense when you are down by something in your voice so he reminds you that he's with you in the bad moments too.

Gosh, he's so good at calming you down. You wonder if he haven't found a manual to your behaviors somewhere.

Has the habit to ask whether you are willing to listen to something that is upsetting him before starting to vent.

Gifts:

The majority of gifts he ever chose for you were based on something you told him previously.

Tickets for a concert, perfumes, New fluffy slippers.

Yet, sometimes he brings you flowers. He is not good with their names so he picks them according to their beauty and sometimes fragrance.

How touchy he is:

Very. But the intensity of his touches escalates little by little. He starts just holding your hands and rubbing your back. One thing he will have in his memory forever is the day you pulled his hand to hold as he walked you home.

He can't watch moves with you if he doesn't have at least one hand on you - mostly on your thigh.

Jaeyoung is a temple kisser. He likes to snap kisses on this region of your face in public and also when you're sad.

Falls asleep holding you but sometimes you all wake up apart. He doesn't like when it happens!

Also cages you into his embrace in cold days. You know when you can't hug a person back because your arms are stuck between you? Thisss

Random:

Your boyfriend often says "when we get married..."

Make out sessions 👀

only suggestive

He isn't very fond of doing it standing and tends to be lovely and tender in such moments.

You straddling him is the definition of heaven. His hands go from your butt cheeks to your nape very leisurely. You don't feel pined down on him, but convinced into staying like that.

Slow, almost lazy kisses, your heads angle differently every now and then. He also stops to gasp and rub your noses together when he gets tired.

Finds it fun yet sexy when you rush to lock your lips together again. You can feel him smiling into the kiss.

When you are the one breaking the kiss to rest and he's too excited, he snuggles, peppers kisses and suck on your shoulder.

His butt grabs are overall soft but if you are wearing skirts, he will take the change to feel your skin. Usually cups and knead your cheeks.

#onf scenarios #onf imagines #onf fluff #wyatt scenario #wyatt imagine #wyatt fluff

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minheeology · 4 years

Text

onf ➳ as soft boyfriends

pairing : onf x gn!reader

requested? : yes!

a/n : aaa i love writing about onf. if come across this somehow and you don’t already stan them, pls do! they just had a comeback.

hyojin

this man… he acts as though you two are married already. you’d have constant dates, mainly romantic dinners. he’d sing to you all the time and encourage you to sing too even if you can’t/think you can’t. he takes care of you in both subtle and non-subtle ways, just wanting what’s best for you.

seungjun (j-us)

the cutest person ever. he cherishes every single second with you and never goes a day without letting you know that. he loves being around you since he gets a break from being a leader. now it’s his turn to be taken care of. (but he definitely takes care of you despite you telling him it’s his time to rest. it’s just his nature).

changyoon (e-tion)

he adores you. he’s going to give you little gifts almost every time you see him, whether it be a bracelet or your favorite flowers or candies. little subtle ways to let you know that he’s always thinking of you. he likes doing domestic things with you, like cooking or even just cleaning the house. your presence alone makes him super happy.

jaeyoung (wyatt)

his tough persona washes away around you. he’s attentive and caring and likes to be cared for. he’ll spend every second of his time off with you, always asking how you were and trying to help you if something is wrong. he’s protective, so expect him to always be holding your hand or have an arm around you when you go out.

minkyun (mk)

he is the clingiest boyfriend ever. he loves you so much and never lets your forget it. expect a lot of stay at home dates, but also trips to the cat cafes and movie nights. like hyojin, he’s always going to serenade you, especially if you say you like a certain song. he’s a silly boyfriend too, opting to make you laugh all the time because your laugh is his favorite sound.

yuto (u)

since he’s fairly young, everything is an adventure with him. he’ll want to be with you as much as possible. he’s going to tell you stories from trips he went on with onf and people he met, promising you that he’ll bring you to all of those places one day and let you meet everyone he met and more. always talks about taking you to see his favorite places in japan!!!! he’s going to be the best boyfriend, just expect that things will be awkward sometimes.

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onf-headcanons · 3 years

Text

ONF MEMBERS AS YOUR SIBLING (MK & U version)

OMG I AM VERY VERY LOOKING FORWARD TO WRITE THIS PART!!!!!

Either you are related from Yuto or Minkyun side and either one of them later joined the family. Confusing? OK example you are Yuto’s sibling by blood and then later Minkyun joined. Or in reversed, Yuto joined later.

1. You are the youngest sibling (could be in terms age when the family comes together or you being born later OR stand in of Yuto’s youngest sister)

2. You are the middle sibling, being either Yuto’s elder blood sibling or Minkyun’s younger sibling but is older than Yuto.

3. Or you are the eldest (Good luck if you do lol there will be a lot of face palming), and alot of “Yuto, I thought you are on my side????”

Any scenario that is suitable to your own imagination. Also there will be some repeated ideas from first universe because i would like to keep characterization consistency.

Btw this pair of sibling would be one of the noisiest.

My recommendation, you are the middle sibling. But you can totally imagine that your are younger ones. I will try to elaborate both, I hope i won’t confuse you guys🙈

Also age recommendations, Minkyun born in 1995 while Yuto is 1999, so if you are the middle sibling, your birth year is at between. I would prefer as 1997 or 1998. Preferable that 1997 born if you are Yuto’s sibling, while 1998 born if you are Minkyun’s.

If you are the youngest, either you are same age as Yuto but later birthdate or the 3rd child that born after your parents marriage, in this case, 2 years younger than Yuto and 6 years younger than Minkyun.

Heads up I mentioned in the Hyojin & E-tion household, 3 households in this universe are very close to each other.So, apologies in advance and by all means there is not explicit favoritism (I did wrote about household interacting for previous universes). It just convenient and i felt we can use it this way. Also, Minseok is Yuto’s classmate.

General headcanons

Yuto family moved to Korea when he is still a toddler. So he speaks Korean outside and Japanese back home. Because his family speaks in Kansai dialect, Yuto picks up that dialect automatically

Of course it could be Yuto’s family moved to Korea when he is at middle school age as well, it can be flexible.

Minkyun struggling to learn Japanese but then give up. But it never stops him to randomly drops in weird Japanese when he is hyper, and then leaving Yuto （and you）facepalming because Minkyun used it wrongly

Actually even though mature but super sensitive brothers. Well in very different ways. But should you live with them long enough, you pick up that intuitively

I dont think this family will have alot of fight because both are sensitive in nature and deeply scare to hurt each other. So this family is all about giving out mental security to family members as well.

(its very different from MInseok Yuto household, because them 2 are in same age, so there is less factor to consider, while Yuto would have to put in Minkyun being a hyung when he started to get used to Minkyun’s existence. And Minkyun will sometimes, not in a bad way, being to passionately and freeminded hoping the younger one to open up more)

I mean, Yuto is defo the tsundere one while Minkyun radiates big puppy energy for this pair chemistry.

Loud

Bonus, Yuto never knew Minkyun can be that clingy lol XD

Minkyun never knew Yuto can be such a fan towards his weird antics XD He thought Yuto wont get his joke due to cultural differences, but turns out Yuto loves it (well cause mostly is body gag/ mom gaegu, like you see what Minkyun did during his birthday’s mini game heaven in 2020, that suddenly motor engine starting? Ya that is total epic lol )

Its super harmonious? like this family combi does not shy away on expressing hey i need help and family members super volunteer to help out if needed. (not that i mean other family does not help out each other, but this one is particularly doing it with super high tendency)

Due to Japanese background, Yuto might try to settle things on his own, but Minkyun will break that mindset stereotype and helps him out (like why you think it is a hassle for me? Ask for help if needed that is what family is here for.)

Minkyun playing guitar while singing and that is how your family know if he is at home or not.

Yeap in this universe Minkyun is a songwriter while Yuto is a dance coach and dancer (later when they all grow up, BTW i am thinking that Yuto and Minseok runs a dance academy later on.)

Minkyun is also part time sponsor/volunteer at pet shelter. In the end you and Yuto also are familiar faces at the spot.

Also, hanging out being little part timers at Baskin Robbins lol

OH IF WANNA TRULY LINK EVERYTHING FOR UNIVERSE 3, BASKIN ROBBINS being the main meetup/setup point. Jaeyoung is Minkyun’s friend so he would always drop by to have ice cream. While Changyoon could be doing a part time job there before and while occasionally drop by when he is nearby.

welp they all live in the neighbourhood/same city in this universe so they all coincidentally bump at each other very often.

Either Yuto joining a school dance club or a dance academy so there is where he met Minseok. (Who is a really curious kid who also look up to Yuto and Yuto also look up to him, cos dance talents)

(for this part I wont be talking about how Minkyun snuggling cat snacks cos its repeating what I wrote.)

Scenario 1

If you are related with Yuto and Minkyun is the new join

Could you be are extroverted and you kind off help Yuto to get close to Minkyun

You and Yuto would find this new brother fascinating. He looks quiet at the beginning but later he will prove you both wrong

But when Minkyun is his serious mode, you will feel strange towards that too, because how can he has such large gap

i thinking its super cute and funny that if you and Yuto both gets intimidated at Minkyun’s height lol

It will be fun if Yuto has a denial stage aka hard time opening up to accept it because he is cautious, but you just bluntly accept it and joins Minkyun. It shows difference between personality of related blood siblings lol

IF actually you and your blood brother are introvertedly fun, Minkyun’s existence will be the key to spark both of your dork traits. It is a assuring factor for your parents that you 3 hang out very well.

its not like your family never heard Yuto laughed, but ever since Yuto and Minkyun opened up and gets close, Yuto is laughing alot.

you and Yuto both asking MInkyun for help when you two could understand some Koreans. But since Minkyun fools around 50:50, you two ends up googling or just straight up asking your friends

But if it is homework/grammar wise, Minkyun will really really explain it to you.

Minkyun also get close towards Yuto’s classmate, Minseok. I think a few times, you did not join, but the boys went out to roam the streets to feed stray cats/animals.

Bonus if in this hc, and you are younger than Yuto, and you have a crush on Minseok. Minkyun picks it up and would wanna help out but you told him to keep still XD

you three gonna be game buddies for sure lol

Scenario 2

If you are related with Minkyun and Yuto is the new joined / OR my preference, Yuto being the home stay student, and your family ends up unofficially adopts a Japanese sibling since Yuto continues his homestay contract with your family.

You and Minkyun thought Yuto is a bit distant in the beginning, and you three overwork your brains on trying too hard not to do something impolite towards each other culture.

But you and Minkyun would be surprise at how Yuto is so adapted to Korean culture later on.

Could be you are similarly shy like Yuto and need time to open up. This time Minkyun will be the one to open up first and slowly helps you.

Minkyun would suggest 3 of you to hang out at pet shelter. It does help.s

hould it is the homestay hc, I do see your family and Yuto’s family going along very well. Occasionally showing up to greet Yuto’s family during Skype session.

As Minkyun is the one who gave up, you are the one who would pick Japanese up later on. It gave Minkyun a shock when you and Yuto casually switching Japanese and Korean (with you amateur Japanese, but its already enough to give Minkyun a fright)

He might pout a bit, thinking/semi blaming himself a bit for not putting more effort to try to manifest the tool get close with Yuto. But then will throw the worry aside because its not really that important. Because he understands that its not like he and Yuto could not communicate anyways.

if it is the student hc, This could be when you and Minkyun are still high shcool-ers/ middle school-ers. And your school opens for foreigns students.

Minkyun being a bit worried because of he is 95er and Yuto a 99er. But when one day he sees Minseok come to visit, he goes: “ OMG thank goodness, I was so worried that he could not get along with classmate.”

Yuto just sidelining his hyung lol like chill dude, I interacts just fine ok. Don’t worry.

(maybe Minseok comes to pass homework for Yuto because Yuto was sick and Minseok know the address.)

Similar to above, should you are Minkyun’s younger sibling, he can picks up that you have a crush on Minseok too.

Scenario 3

If you are the child that born later from your parents marriage

Them both flustered when they first meet the baby you.

Idk why for this hcs, I felt that age gap will be wider, as Yuto and Minkyun’s parents come together when them both are more older than other hcs. My age range idea is Yuto is about 10 or 13 while Minkyun is 14 or 17.

So, also I do think them both had a fight with parents, especially the mom because of her decision to get pregnant at older age. But quickly reconciled, they are just worried, no bad intentions.

Because they are more grown compared to other hcs for this scenario, they help out on babysitting even more and even practical.

Minkyun basically is just like a young flustered dad while Yuto is the calmer one. But sometimes when the baby you throws a tantrum because you specifically wanted mommy, cues in both Minkyun and Yuto flustered.

Also, Minkyun being funny but you are unbothered, 3 seconds later, it was Yuto who could not hold in and burst out laughter.

You might be the one who pick up the language. And because you master both language, maybe later on your career pick would be interpreter

Rather than Yuto gets confused with language, you are the one who gets confused with language in the beginning lol

It only got better when Yuto decided that you should speak Japanese with him and Korean with Minkyun in the household.

Minkyun is gonna let his baby young sibling ride him, and he will do his iconic either elephant or horse voice imitations.

(super funny bonus, if you are scared of that when you are a baby, but it got better later on.)

A/N I will stop here because I dont wanna write repetitive stuffs

#onf #onf headcanon #onf headcanons #onf imagine #onf imagines #onf scenarios #onf scenario #sibling!au #sibling!onf #mk #u #onf mk #onf u #mizuguchi yuto #park minkyun

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onewfantaesy · 4 years

Text

His Mother’s Son (2/4)

“Oh, Jaehyun.”

She pulls the boy into a tight embrace, and suddenly it all hits Taemin what’s going on and why it’s going on and he feel like he can’t breathe again when the tears start flowing down his cheeks.

“You’re finally home.”

The desperation in her voice makes Taemin feel even worse, because this doesn’t feel like home to him.

Everyone’s house has a certain smell but your own. Your own home doesn’t smell like anything, but this house has a particular scent, and it lets Taemin know that this isn’t home. It’s not that it smells bad, it just smells different. Like cooking, and air freshener, and, for lack of a better word, boys. This house definitely has a lot of boys living in it; kind of like the way the dorm smells when the house cleaner doesn’t come for a few days.

Everything happens so fast that the next thing he knows, his bags are by the front door and this woman is leading him down the hall to meet the rest of his family.

“Um, can I ask you a question?” Taemin’s voice is so soft he barely hears it.

“Of course, sweetie,” she says, and she smiles at him in a way that makes Taemin nervous.

“When’s my birthday?”

He feels himself biting his lip, and he can almost hear his manager’s nagging voice telling him to stop.

“June 23rd. You were born in 1994,” she tells him, looking at him with a worried expression. “What did you think it was?”

Taemin feels like his chest is collapsing and he struggles to take in a breath, “July 18, 1993.”

“Well, I hate to break it to you, but you’re fourteen, not fifteen.”

She smiles at him sadly, and he sees the four males in the living room staring at him as he enters with the woman.

“Oh,” is all he can say, because he’s suddenly too nervous to make any other sound with the way these guys are staring at him.

“Jaehyun, say hello to your father and your brothers,” she says, and she’s smiling at him again, and it’s making Taemin’s stomach do somersaults.

“Uh - hi.” He raises his hand in a small wave, trying to smile at his family but being too frightened to really move.

“He looks like a girl,” one of them says, and Taemin’s eyes narrow.

“Shut up, idiot,” the tallest hisses, and the third boy just shakes his head and puts it in his hand.

“Jaehyun, these are your brothers, Jaeyoung, Jaekwon, and Jaesung,” the woman points at each of them, and he realizes she went from oldest to youngest. “And this is your father.”

“Jaehyun.”

The man is staring at him like he can’t believe he’s real, and he moves to get out of his seat. He crouches down in front of Taemin, holding his face in his hands. They stare at each other for a long moment before his father pulls him into a tight hug.

The rest of the day passes with Taemin putting his things in his room, which he learns he’ll be sharing with the oldest, Jaeyoung. Jaekwon and Jaesung had already been sharing a room, and decided instead of moving everything around they would just put Taemin with the oldest. He was relieved to find out that his brother didn’t mind sharing his space with him.

“Are you okay with sharing a room?” Jaeyoung asks him when they’re sitting in their room after everyone’s gone to bed.

Taemin laughs a little, “I’ve been sleeping in the same room as four other boys for like a year now, so it’s a step up to only have to share with one. I’d rather share one anyway than be by myself, really.”

“Why’s that?” Jaeyoung chuckles at the youngest’s response.

Taemin bit his lip, unsure of whether or not his family was okay with him talking about his life with his fake family, “I shared a room with Taesun my whole life. I don’t even know if I’d be able to sleep in a room by myself.”

Taemin stares at the floor while the oldest looks at him, and he’s afraid he’s upset his oldest brother with the confession.

“Well, then I’m sure we’ll get along fine, if you’re not some spoiled little idol.” Taemin’s head shoots up when he hears his brother respond in a joking manner.

“Can I ask you a question?” Taemin asks, and he holds his pillow in front of him.

“Shoot, kid.” Jaeyoung smiles.

“How old are you and the others?” Taemin realizes that he never really found out how old his brothers are.

“Jaesung’s 15, Jaekwon’s 17, and I’m 18. I go to the university close by, so I live here.” Jaeyoung smiles at him, laughing a little.

The two talked for a little while longer before they decided to go to bed. Taemin dreamed about Taesun, the Lees, and interrogation rooms.

A week passes, and in that time, Taemin realized a few things. First, he learned that Jaesung is pissed about his little brother being in the same grade as him. Second, Jaekwon feels like he’s superior to almost everyone because of his muscles. Third, she doesn’t like him being out of her sight for longer than ten minutes. Fourth, no one seemed to be telling him anything about what would happen with SHINee.

Finally, he realized that the only one who let him talk about his life with the Lees without yelling at him was Jaeyoung.

Taemin doesn’t like his new life very much. When she caught him practicing his SHINee dance steps, she yelled at him about acting too girly and how he needs to spend more time with his brothers and father. Jaesung laughed the whole time, and Taemin wanted to punch him the face.

Maybe she would think that was manly enough.

Her next outburst happened exactly a week after Taemin was reunited with his family. The family likes watching television together after dinner, and that day they were watching the news. After the report on some local robbery, a very familiar face appeared on the screen.

“It’s been reported that upcoming idol group SHINee has been shaken by a recent events concerning the youngest member, Lee Taemin,” the news anchor reports.

“Change the channel,” she says quickly, looking at her husband.

“No, leave it.” Taemin’s eyes are glued to the screen, curious about whether or not he would get to see his members.

“In fact, his name isn’t Lee Taemin at all.” The scene changes from the anchor man to pictures of Taemin, and he felt like the world was spinning.

“Sources report that young Taemin is the victim of kidnapping, a case that went unsolved over a decade ago. A toddler went missing from a park twelve years ago, and no one ever knew what happened. Similarly, a four year old boy went missing from the same park a year earlier, and both cases went cold before either family had any form of closure.” Pictures of Taemin and Taesun from when they were little appeared on the screen, and Taemin felt like he was going to be sick.

“With the recent debut of idol group SHINee, the family of the toddler recognized a face on the posters and commercials the rookies have been in, and informed police that they believed the youngest member to be their long lost son.” A scene of Taemin in one of their latest commercials played for a moment, and from the corner of his eye he saw her put her hand to her mouth.

“Sources say that the boys were informed last week of the felony their supposed parents committed when they were young children, and this clip shows the reaction of SHINee member, Taemin.” The screen faded, and Taemin saw himself coming out of the police station, his manager holding him.

“This is a joke!” he yelled, tears streaming down his cheeks, “Where are my parents? Where’s my brother? My parents didn’t kidnap me, you’re wrong!”

“Jaehyun, calm down.” Taemin glared at the recording of Officer Shin.

“My name is not Jaehyun!”

And with that final line, he hears her let out a sob and leave to the other room.

“Mom,” Jaeyoung gets up to go console his mother, his father following behind him.

“Way to go, you little creep!” Jaesung pushes him, and Taemin catches himself before his head rams into the coffee table.

“None of this would be happening if you hadn’t been kidnapped!” Jaesung’s continuously pushing him, yelling at him, and telling him it’s his fault he was kidnapped and their mother is crying, “If you hadn’t gone off on your own; if you had stayed with us, none of this would be happening!”

“SM Entertainment has stated that they have been trying to contact the boy’s parents to determine whether or not he will be returning to SHINee.” With that, the segment was over, and Jaesung was still yelling at him while Jaekwon had left to go to the other room with the other three.

“You won’t be going back to SHINee.” He hears the woman say, and both boys turn to the door.

“What?” Taemin can hardly believe this is happening.

“You heard me, Jaehyun. No more SHINee.” She shakes her head, her eyes full of anger.

“But, but I trained for years to be in SHINee,” Taemin says quietly, and he feels like he’s going to start crying again.

“No, Lee Taemin trained for years to be in SHINee. Kim Jaehyun did not,” she says.

“They’re the same person,” Taemin tries to reason with her, his voice cracking.

“No they are not!” she yells at him, and Taemin flinches back, his spine digging painfully into the coffee table.

“You will not be going back to SHINee, and you will not go by the horrible name!” she yells at him again, and Taemin feels the pressure building up behind his eyes.

“Idiot.” Jaesung pushes him again before Taemin’s getting up and running into the backyard.

He climbs into the tree house he found the second day he was here, and he sits in the furthest corner with his knees to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. His whole world is falling apart, and he wants to stay in here and die because there’s no way this can be real, and maybe if he dies he’ll wake up back at the dorm.

As he’s wallowing in self-pity, another person is climbing up the ladder and sitting on the other side of the tree house.

“The boys haven’t used this in years.”

Taemin jumps when he hears the man speak, and he moves his head to look at the man.

“I know that she can be a little over bearing, but you have to understand where she’s coming from,” he tells him softly. “If you want her to change her mind, you just have to wait a little bit and then ask her.”

“SHINee is part of me, though. I feel…incomplete, without them,” Taemin tells him, and he hopes the man doesn’t grow angry with him.

“What is it about being in SHINee that makes you so happy?” he asks, curious.

Taemin looks down at the wooden planks he’s sitting on, “Well, you know how you always have to be walking? Well, for me, it’s like I always have to be dancing. I love it; I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t dance.”

“That’s why you get so upset when she tells you to stop dancing,” the man mumbles more to himself than to his son. “My son is sitting right across from me and I feel like I know nothing about him; his favorite food, his favorite subject in school, his favorite color.”

“Steak is my favorite food, I really like going to my world literature class, and my favorite color is white,” Taemin tells him, and the man smiles at him.

They talk for a while, telling each other their likes and dislikes, and the man finally asks him about his siblings.

“Jaesung hyung gets really mad at me, sometimes I don’t even know why. Jaekwon hyung seems like he doesn’t care at all, and the only time he really talks to me is to tell me to stop being so girly; he’s like her when it comes to that kinda thing.”

“What about Jaeyoung?” He asks.

“Jaeyoung’s kinda my favorite, but maybe it’s ‘cus we share a room, I don’t know. He lets me talk about whatever I want, too,” Taemin admits, biting his lip.

“What kind of things do you talk about?”

His father scoots closer to him, looking at Taemin worriedly.

“He lets me talk about Taesun, and the Lees,” Taemin says quietly. “I know it makes her upset.”

“Why don’t you tell me about them?” his father suggests, and Taemin looks at him cautiously.

“They treated us like we were really their sons. We never knew. So you don’t have to worry about them treating us badly, because they really were great parents.”

Taemin swallows hard, afraid he’s upset his father.

“And I’m glad they treated you well, I really am,” the man tells him, and Taemin can tell he’s sincere.

“I really miss Taesun,” Taemin admits, and the man either didn’t hear him or ignores him.

They talk for a little longer before he decides to go back inside, “The boys don’t come up here anymore, so you can stay in here as long as you want, okay?”

“Thanks.” Taemin watches him go back down before he lies down on his side, his back against the wall of the tree house.

He thinks to himself for a few minutes before he hears someone else coming up again. He looks over to see Jaeyoung lying down across from him.

“He said you guys don’t come up here anymore,” Taemin mumbles, burying his face in his arms.

“We don’t, but I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” Jaeyoung mumbles back at him, mimicking him to try and make him feel better.

“I’m not okay,” Taemin tells him, moving so he’s looking at his brother with one eye.

“Tell me what’s wrong, kid,” Jaeyoung says.

“I can’t live without SHINee. I need to be in SHINee. I don’t care if mom thinks that Lee Taemin and Kim Jaehyun are not the same person, because no matter what my name is, I trained hard to be part of SHINee. And I miss my brother and I don’t care if he’s not really my brother because I shared a room and a life with him for my entire life and I had separation anxiety when I moved into the dorm and I miss him and they’re not letting me call him or anything and they’re pretending like he doesn’t exist.” The tears are pouring down his face again, and Taemin feels like all he’s done the last week is cry.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Jaeyoung moves over to him, pulling him to sit up and hug him, “Let me talk to mom, I’ll talk her into letting you join SHINee again. She’s just afraid of losing you again.”

“What about Taesun?” Taemin chokes out, afraid that he’ll never see his brother again.

“I’ll figure something out, don’t you worry about it.” Jaeyoung runs his fingers through Taemin’s hair, and Taemin feels sick.

“Jaesung said it’s my fault,” Taemin says quietly, resting his head on Jaeyoung’s chest.

“What’s your fault?” he asks.

“He said it’s my fault I was kidnapped. That it’s my fault she doesn’t let us out of her sight for very long and why she cries and that if I hadn’t been kidnapped none of this would be happening,” Taemin chokes out, the guilt strangling him.

“None of this is your fault,” Jaeyoung tells him, holding onto him tighter.

“Then why does it feel like it?” Taemin asks him.

“You tell me,” Jaeyougn says, silently saying that Taemin can tell him what’s wrong.

“I - I don’t think of myself as Jaehyun,” Taemin tells him, “I still think of myself as Taemin. I’m not used to Jaehyun, I don’t think I’m Jaehyun. It’s - it’s just that - I don’t know.”

“It’s completely understandable,” Jaeyoung tells him, consoling him.

“And, and oh God, I’m not even how old I thought I was. I’m younger than Jongin, oh my God I’m younger than Jongin, he’s been calling me hyung forever and now he’s the hyung and oh my God.” Taemin feels like he’s shaking, and he’s confused and scared and upset.

“And I know you all think that they were monsters but they were my parents, and they aren’t bad people, and I still can’t believe that this is even happening,” Taemin cries while his brother holds onto him, and he suddenly wants to see Taesun so bad that it hurts, and he can feel himself having a panic attack, just like when he first moved into the dorm.

“Jaehyun? Jaehyun! Taemin! Oh my God, Taemin, calm down,” Jaeyoung tries to help Taemin breathe easier, but the youngest keeps taking in these quick, shallow breaths and he’s crying.

“This isn’t happening, please this can’t be happening,” Taemin sobs out, and he can barely catch his breath.

They let him call Taesun that night.

Except his name isn’t Taesun anymore, it’s Hyunki.

“Hyung, we both have ‘hyun’ in our names,” Taemin tells him, and he hears Taesun give a watery laugh.

“To be honest, I don’t really think of myself as Hyunki,” Taesun says.

“I don’t really think of myself as Jaehyun, either,” Taemin admits, and the two laugh. “What are they like?”

“I’m the youngest, now. It’s weird,” Taesun tells him.

“I’m still the youngest. But you’ll still be my hyung, right?” Taemin asks.

“I’ll always be your hyung, Minnie,” Taesun says sadly.

“I miss you,” Taemin says, biting his lip.

“I miss you, too.”

“It happened again,” Taemin tells his brother.

“Again? I thought you got over it, Minnie.”

He can tell Taesun is worried just by the sound of his voice.

“This is different, hyung. This is completely different.” Taemin feels himself start to panic again. “Did you know?”

“No, I didn’t. I had no idea,” Taesun says, his voice shaking.

“What are your siblings like?” Taemin asks, curious.

“I have a brother and a sister. My brother’s 20, and my sister’s 22. They’re alright, but they’re not you,” Taesun informs him. “What about yours?”

“I have three brothers.” Taemin says, “Jaesung’s 15, Jaekwon’s 17, and Jaeyoung’s 18. I share a room with Jaeyoung; he’s been really cool. But - but he’s not like you; kinda the same way Jinki hyung wasn’t like you, either.”

“Just hang in there; it’ll get better.” Taesun pauses for a moment. “You’re 14, huh? I almost forgot.”

Taesun laughs humorlessly. It still scares Taemin a little that they changed his birthday.

“When can I see you again?” Taemin asks.

“I don’t know, Minnie. I don’t know.” Taesun sighs. “I have to go, Minnie. We’ll talk tomorrow, though, okay?”

“Okay. I love you, hyung,” Taemin says quietly, because he knows most of his family is probably listening in on his conversation.

“I love you, too, Minnie. Get some sleep tonight, okay?” Taemin can tell Taesun is smiling.

“Okay. Bye.”

And the two hang up. Taemin flops over on his bed, and he looks to his nightstand to the picture he has of him and Taesun. It was taken a couple months ago, and Taemin picks it up and brings it close to his chest.

That night, he takes the old teddy bear out from one of his bags. It helps him sleep.

#taemin #shinee #his mothers son au #reminder that i wrote this in 2014!! just reposting it from aff lmao #don't judge me too hard

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