#janblacksurvival

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Jan:Why do some companies send whole emails just to say someone opened your resume? What use is this information to me? I opened a jug of orange juice this morning, and I didn’t feel the need to alert Tropicana!

Jan:Sorry for accidentally phrasing this exactly like a seinfeld bit.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Luke:All right, Jan! You won’t get a one!

Jan:I won’t get a one!

Luke:YOU WON’T GET A ONE!

Jan:I’M NOT GETTING A ONE!

(He rolls the d20 and rolls a one.)

Jan:What the shit!

Luke:Oh my god.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Arda:I wonder why Cars movies have sidewalks.

Jan:I’ll give you one better. Are there taxis and buses in that universe? Why are there no motorcycles?

Daniel:Probably because the movie is called Cars, not Motorcycles.

Cathy:I’ll give all of you one better. Why are there cars at all? There are baby cars, but cars aren’t having sex.

Lenox:Who knows?

Cathy:Who makes cars, are there car gods?

Lenox:What makes you think the cars don’t fuck?

Cathy:There are no car hospitals.

JP:You guys remember what I said once about how a tow truck in the Transformers universe would have a dick?

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Adela:All right guys, we’re playing “how many shots to date” again.

Jan:Aw, I wanted the fight one. I liked that one.

Li Dailin:I like drinking.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Adela:All right, house rules. You only get one 0 and one 10. So how many shots to date meme live-action Sonic?

Li Dailin:Zero.

Hart:Zero??

Li Dailin:He got cancelled on the internet.

Adela:Just for being ugly. Didn’t even do anything.

Jan:Dude, imagine if your tongue hit those weird little teeth.

Li Dailin:Even more of a zero. The new one is too trendy.

Shoichi:You like the ones mistreated by nature.

Li Dailin:Shoichi, think with me. Math. Two negatives make a plus. Ugly plus egly equals good.

Jan:I think she’s calling you ugly right now.

Shoichi:Son of a bitch. Eight shots.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

William:”Highest survived fall, 10160 meters, Venna Vulovic survived falling off a plane because of her”- wait. How is this an...? “Because of her low arterial pressure”. I don’t understand.

Jan:She didn’t bleed as much.

William:I see.

Lenox:The pressure made her float!

Luke:MY ARTERIAL PRESSURE IS LOW, YOU FOOLS! Fffffflgh, she floats away!

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Jan:We need to let adults fight without catching an assault charge... like, I'm talking about consensual fighting. Not jumping folks, hiding no weapons, none of that. Just going at it in the parking lot.

Emma:That’s called mutual combat laws! Check your state and city laws, it might be legal.

Jan:This looks really dire.

Lenox:PvP areas.

Camilo:Why does the map look like it was made by a bee??

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Silvia:Hey, Luke! Happy new year, I got run over while driving my bike today.

Luke:Holy...! Hope you get better soon!

. . .

Adela:(enters the room) I saw someone on a bike in the middle of the street, so I ran them over with my car. Happy new year, Luke.

Luke:What a... what a coincidence. Happy new year, Adela!

Chloe:Happy new year, guys! What a coincidence indeed, today I was coming back from the bread place and saw a car swerve towards a bike. I agree, run them over.

Luke:Oh my god, now I need closure on this story.

. . .

Jan:Happy new year, man! Saw someone near the bread place just staring at something on the street when I was coming back from the gym. I looked around, and saw that they were watching someone get run over by a car!

Luke:You were watching someone watching an accident, huh? Happy new year.

Laura:Yeah, I was being ridden by someone who got run over by a car near the bread place too. I was the bike.

Aya:I saw some jerk run over a cyclist in the middle of the street while someone laughed near the bread place. If anyone here can give me their names so they can be prosecuted, I’d be thankful.

Luke:Huh! No idea who they are.

. . .

Cathy:Happy new year, everyone! I was called in to help a cyclist who got into a car accident today. They had this plaque saying “give me prime subs”. Odd, right?

Luke:The plot thickens!

Alex:I think I saw something like that while I was on my flight. Hmm.

Jenny:Had a weird dream where I was riding a bike holding a plaque, and someone ran me over. Do you guys think I can give this story to an urban legends show? It’s like I can predict the future.

Sissela:I was walking down the street, and.. I didn’t see anything. I’m blind.

Luke:I am giving up on focusing on anything else today.

. . .

Alex:Hey, Luke. You now have to figure out the answers to what happened today. Decipher who the driver was, who the biker was, and where Hart’s amp is now.

Luke:All right. We do know why the driver hit the second biker, it’s because they were looking at the person that was looking at the breadmaker that was looking at Chloe who was watching the second accident happening.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Nathapon:Are you okay? You look like you’re going to melt.

Jan:Oh, yeah, I have this thing where I’m allergic to a closed fist making contact with my eye, that’s why it’s bruised. I’ll be fine, though.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Jan:(stops mid-mixing) Oh my god. Marry is when you bring two people together. Marinade is when you bring two flavors together and join them, is that a- is that a coincidence??

Jan:Do you, marinade, take this chicken to be the person that you marry-nade?

Jan:I do. By the powers given to me, I combine these flavors for eternity. (He pours the mixture into the meat.)

Nathapon:

Lenox:

Hyunwoo:

Jan:No one is laughing. Not a soul.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Jan:Why do people make deodorant slogans say things like, “the ladies love it”, or “to be a true man”?

Jan:Rexona Men, to make your armpits smell nice.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Jan:Sir, I still don’t agree with Isol being here.

Isol:(grimacing) Oh my god, someone please punch him..... No one’s gonna do it since he’s seven meters tall, but if someone could...

Nicky:(whispering) That’s true, they’d have to scale him.

Alex:We don’t have a lot of resources right now, and he offered to come.

Jan:Yeah, I know, but you still understand my position here, right?

Nicky:(chuckling) A... a high position.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Jan:(mid campaign, trying to fight a giant spider) I want to try and split it apart with my hands.

Luke:Roll strength.

Mai:Ewww, this is going to be so disgusting if it works.....

Hyunwoo:I know. Really cool.

Nicky:Dude, I’m under you! That’s gonna spill on me!

Mai:I’d hate to be in that position.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Jan:Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.

Daniel:You must be good at chess then?

Jan:No, I've never played chess.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Luke:If a ghost can open cupboards and break things, why not just take a pencil, grab paper, write down why it’s unhappy and stick it on the fridge?

Jan:I feel like a lot of us wrote our feelings down more often, we’d end up less unhappy in the long run.

Luke:I love you.

Jan:I love you too, thanks man.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Arda:A lobster’s nervous system is so similar to humans, that human antidepressants work on lobsters.

Nadine:....not sure I like knowing that lobsters can get depressed.

Jan:Aren’t almost all animals able to get depressed?

Arda:Yep. Fruit flies get drunk to deal with it, and cockroaches malnourish themselves.

Nadine: I don’t think I like this new knowledge.