#jax hayes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

krinklecutreads · 9 days ago

Text

Title: Delicious: An MM/MMM Charity Anthology

Author: Various

Rating: 4/5

Date Finished: June 17, 2025

Review: So, I won't be tagging every trope in this, because I feel like that would just end up with most of my tags lol. I will be tagging each author, though! But yeah, I'll do a little blurb on each story in the anthology. Gonna throw it all behind a cut because it's SO long

Story 1: Hot Dish by Annabeth Albert.

This was a cute little 50 page story. You've got single dad Stu, who has 2 teenagers and an ex wife he is still friends with. Then you have Percy, a paramedic who lives on the same street. I'm pretty sure if I had read other books by this author this story would have been a lot more fun to read, but as it stands, it was fine. It was your basic "casual turns not so casual" story. There wasn't a whole lot of build up or exposition, so I didn't get too invested in the characters, to be honest.

The food connection in this one comes from Stu bringing a casserole (aka a hot dish) to Percy as a thank you for helping Stu and his daughter after a fire at their neighbors house.

I'll definitely check out more by this author in the future, I think.

Story 2: Piece of Cake by Beth Bolden

This is the main story I came for in this anthology! This one is about 75 pages. This felt like a much more cohesive actual story than the previous story. But also, I know all the background characters, in a way. This gives us the story of Marco Moretti. He's one of my many Moretti's in Beth Bolden's books. He runs the family steakhouse. And at the beginning of the story, his pastry chef quits because she fell in love with him and claimed he lead her on. He's just a friendly guy, but this just keeps happening to him. It's mentioned in other books by Beth.

Our other main is Andrew, a pastry chef, of course. He was friends with Marcella, Marco's twin sister, back when they were in high school. He was a nerdy little guy back then. But now, 20+ years later, he's all grown up. He's back in town after having been all over Europe training his skills and running a restaurant with his ex. Marcella is the one who suggest that Marco contact Andrew to fill in the pastry chef position temporarily.

This was somehow almost a slow burn? But I really really enjoyed it. Beth is really good at the build up before the romance. I really liked how the pair communicated in this. But then, they are both grown ass men in their mid to late 30s. So yeah.

The food connection here is obviously that both our main guys are chefs.

Story 3: Feeding The Grump by Jax Calder

This one is around 60 pages. And it's SO sweet. Our characters are two farmers in rural New Zealand, David and Benji. David's family has been farming his land for 5 generations, while Benji took over his uncle's farm. David is a much more traditional guy and Benji is always looking into new things to help with the farming.

As far as David is concerned, they are rivals, in a way. Every little thing Benji does is designed to upset him. Even just painting his fence purple is enough to get David to Benji's door to complain.

But then, when one of David's sheep goes missing, he and Benji happen upon a neighbor that David sold some land to. A famous rugby player. This guy is from another one of Jax Calder's books that I really enjoyed. This rugby player happens to kiss his own rival right in front of David and Benji, who are stuck in a hedge. And that's when David figures it all out. Maybe he and Benji aren't rivals at all.

This is genuinely an incredible little story. The way it's written really makes you feel like you understand David and where he comes from. His voice is very clear, if that makes sense. And bonus points for a demisexual character!

Food connection on this one is David bringing over veggies and fruits from his garden and Benji returning them in the form of cooked foods. Basically Benji was keeping David fed with good meals, not just frozen foods.

Story 4: Deliciously Cookie by Vawn Cassidy

A little 70ish page bisexual awakening story. This one features Cookie, a sassy Puerto Rican guy working at a bakery and Quinn, a British guy just back from "uni" (you'll get the quotes if you read the story). It takes place in a beach town in England somewhere. Lots of references to characters I've never heard of, as I haven't read any other works by this author. But it was interesting. It felt like it ended quite abruptly, to be honest.

Food connection in this one is that Cookie is a baker who makes apparently the best cupcakes anyone has ever tasted.

Story 5: Sweet On You by Colette Davison

An 80ish page story with a "dad's best friend" plot line. We've got Cameron, a 25 year old who takes care of his 10 year old little brother while his dad is on business for months at a time. And his neighbor Euan, a 35ish year old single dad to a 10 year old. Euan is best friend's with Cam's dad, Lewis.

This has a cute little plot line of the 10 year olds basically setting them up. They need cupcakes made for a fundraising bake sale, and of course they suggest that Cam and Euan make the cupcakes together.

This is a decent little story with a little bit of conflict at a couple of points with the age gap and the whole "this is my best friend's son that I'm attracted to" thing.

Story 6: All's Fair In Love and Pizza by Lane Hayes

At just under 80 pages, this is a really sweet rivals to lovers story. In it we have Mateo, a former football player who inherited his father's pizza shop in a beach side college town in California. We also have Rob, also a former football player (but he had huge success in the NFL) who decided to open a bagel shop next door to Mateo's pizza shop in his retirement. They were on the same football team in college, and Rob had a bit of a crush on Mateo back then.

For some reason, Rob decided to tell Mateo that he was going to be making pizza bagels, and that just set off Mateo's competitive side. He decided from then on that Rob was his sworn enemy. The tension between them turned into some "hate" sex.

Insert a meddling friend (Rob's business partner and best friend) who came up with the idea for a pizza bagel competition and you end up with Rob and Mateo spending more time together than expected. And they ended up becoming more than just rivals and lovers.

Very cute ending, to be honest. I'll definitely be checking out this author's books!

Story 7: Cheesecake Roses by Becca Jackson

A shorter story at just over 50 pages, this book features Nate, a former exhibition baseball player who is stuck in a rut after an injury takes baseball from him. It starts with him inheriting half a hotel from his uncle. It also features Remy, a dessert chef who works at and inherited the other half of the hotel. They knew each other as children when they both spent summers at the estate.

This is genuinely just a sweet story of one man finding a new beginning with someone from his past. Very sweet. I'm pretty sure I've read other books by Becca Jackson, and I'll definitely be looking for more from her.

Story 8: The Deaf Chef by EM Lindsey

This one comes in at around 60 pages. The story starts with a lot of exposition. I'm gonna be up front about that. I have a feeling the story fits into a wider universe in the author's works, but I don't know for sure. It starts out introducing Rhett, an ASL interpreter for a community college. He interprets for a Deaf professor, who is also his friend, Robbie. After a pretty funny moment with a student, Robbie sends Rhett to go get lunch from his friend's food truck, The Deaf Chef. Deaf Chef in question is Mellie.

There was definitely a bit of conflict between this pair in the beginning, with Rhett knowingly making a bit of a faux pas, but doing it anyway. And Mellie was definitely not pleased. But he also thought Rhett was hot.

After an incident with a wasp, this pair finds their footing and it's just really sweet (and a bit smutty) after that. I think I've read other stuff by EM Lindsey before, but I'm not 100% sure. I'll definitely be looking into them and seeing if this story was part of a larger universe, because I LOVE stories featuring Deaf and/or disabled characters.

Story 9: Office Indulgence by Katherine McIntyre

Very short story with around 30 pages. In it we have Henry, who has a secret admirer leaving decadent chocolates on his desk with cute little notes every so often. The first little bit is him trying to figure it out, then the rest was just smut, once he did figure it out. It was cute, but there wasn't a lot of substance to it.

Story 10: The Chef's Kiss by Mia Monroe

At just under 40 pages, this story kind of felt like being dropped in the middle of a book, to be completely honest. In it we have Marco and Des, going to a fancy restaurant for Des' birthday. Then they start talking about their previous partner, their third, who had left them 3ish years before to try and make it on his own as a chef in another country. Then we find out he is the current head chef at the fancy restaurant. One conversation later and some threesome smut. It was fine? It just... didn't feel like a story that could stand on it's own.

Story 11: Whet Your Appetite by Shane K Morton

Even shorter than the last one, this one comes in under 30 pages. Not a huge fan, tbh, even though it has one of my favorite tropes: best friends to lovers. This book has Marti and Ryder, both around 40 years old. The food connection in this one is Marti making his grandmother's lasagna for Ryder, who was visiting from Vegas where he moved to from Colorado for work. They have a conversation and tada! Smut! But the author used the word "helmet" for the head of a dick and I've now learned that's a major squick/pet peeve for me lmao

Story 12: Taco Dirty To Me by K.M. Neuhold

This one is just over 30 pages. I knew I was going to enjoy this one because K.M. Neuhold always writes good stories. This story features Bas, the owner of a taco truck and Dylan, his favorite customer. Bas has had the hots for Dylan from the beginning, but was under the impression he had a boyfriend.

Turns out, they had split up in recent weeks. Dylan gets set up on a blind date by his friend Robbie (who we know from other books by K.M. Neuhold!). The date ends up being Bas' brother Tony. Except, well, Tony is unfortunately VERY sick and puking everywhere. Since Tony has no way to contact his blind date, he sends his brother so that the other guy doesn't think he got stood up.

From there things are very cute and then VERY steamy.

Story 13: Loaf Of My Life by Charlie Novak

This one was around 50 pages. In it we have Riley, a baker in a tiny bakery in England (I believe) and Jace, a roaming insomniac. One day when Riley was working on the morning baking in Toasty, his bakery, he noticed a man all bundled up outside his shop watching him bake. The next day, the man was back, this time with a sign, apologizing for being a creep. They saw each other a few more times before Jace finally managed to show up when the shop was open and they talked for a bit. Riley normally doesn't interact with customers, but he just felt drawn to Jace from the beginning.

This is just a cute little story and I really enjoyed it.

Story 14: Rumbledethumps by Sebastian Sharpe

Another shorter story at under 40 pages, this story is a second chance romance. David comes from a very rich Scottish family. He was expected to do certain things in life. When he met and fell in love with Kelly, his parent's weren't pleased. Kelly was just a guy going to school to be a veterinarian. After they were married, Kelly overheard an argument between Kelly's parents and grandfather about himself. Kelly chose to leave David so that he wasn't "ruining" David's life.

But David never stopped loving Kelly, and Kelly never stopped loving David. When David's grandfather dies, Kelly receives a letter at the reading of the will. And oh man. The emotions. This story actually got me close to tears. I don't want to spoil the story, so I won't tell, but the food connection is there, I promise! I'll definitely be checking out more writing from Sebastian Sharpe

Story 15: Lamington Kisses by Becca Seymour

Very short story, only 20 pages. This is a best friends to lovers story and very basic. We have Ste who, when the story opens, is trying to cook a special dinner for his parents anniversary but failed epically. In comes Kiefer, a chef and Ste's best friend. He salvages the dinner for Ste. Ste has been in love with Keifer for ages, but earlier on in their friendship, Kiefer had rejected Ste. From there, they spend some time together on a boat where Kiefer makes special snacks for Ste and then they have their moment, their first kiss.

Very short but very sweet.

Story 16: A Slice Of Life by Toby Wise

Another shorter story with under 30 pages. This is another best friends to lovers story, but with bonus roommates trope. Woo! This one features Pete, a trans man, who owns his own pizza shop. In this story, his best friend, Rodney, shows up at the shop to help him out so his employees can head out before a snow storm hits. And after everyone else has gone home, they finally have their first kiss. Both had been wanting it for a while, but were too afraid to ruin their friendship before this moment. It's a very sweet story, and I'll probably check out more works from Toby Wise.

Story 17: Sweet Heat by Ariella Zoelle

54 pages for this one. This story follows Niccolo, a famous TV chef, like Gordon Ramsey, but Italian, known for his harsh criticism of contestant on his show. He gets an offer to do an episode of internet chef Adler's show where he makes super spicy desserts to make people suffer while he interviews them. Basically like Hot Ones with desserts. Both are hella gay though lol. This one has a huge age gap, but I don't hate it. It works for them. This story is silly and sweet and smutty. I enjoyed it.

And there we have it. All 17 stories completed. I definitely found some new authors to check out from this anthology. And it's for charity! I'll probably be back to reading about a book a day now that I've finished this anthology. Up next is a hockey series (I think) by Lane Hayes. Then back to K.M. Neuhold, then on to a long Lucy Lennox series. Funnily enough, I had already downloaded this Lane Hayes series before I even read the short story in this that I really enjoyed. I now have a list like... 20 authors long to check out in the near future.

0 notes

pileofboneswrites · 10 months ago

Text

TAILSPIN.

SUMMARY — after receiving an unintelligible call from jax, you rush back to charming to discover your son, abel, has been kidnapped by camerson hayes, and worst yet, he also killed your younger brother that you practically raised.

PAIRING — exhusband!jax teller x fem!halfsack'ssister!reader | juice ortiz x reader

WORD COUNT — 3.8k

WARNINGS — established relationship(s), kidnapping, murder, death, past child neglect (about reader and her brother), divorce, premature birth, pregnancy complications, agent stahl, swearing, fighting, angst, loss of loved ones, suicidal thoughts, contemplation of suicide, cheating, allusion to smut but no description, no use of y/n (she's actually only outwardsly referenced 2 times and is referred to as miss epps or epps).

AUTHORS NOTES — just to clear somethings up; jax married reader instead of wendy, and instead of drugs being the reason abel was born early it was just due to pregnancy complications.

MASTERLIST | SONS OF ANARCHY

your heart was slamming rapidly into your ribcage, panic rolling off your skin in waves. you push the pedal to the floor, the idea of a speeding ticket not even remotely close to crossing your mind. this was your fault, it was. leaving charming, even for a few hours always felt like it had consequences. something bad always seemed to happen the moment you crossed the county line. your tires squeal as you peel into the teller-morrow parking lot, slamming your car in park as you jump out, only barely remembering to take off your seatbelt as you go. clay, piney, and opie are standing by the entrance to the clubhouse, sad expressions creasing their features.

"what happened?!" you ask, your voice loud, panicked and harsh.

the surprise on their faces from your tone has silence ringing in your ears. you'd known them for years, opie, jax and you being quite the troublesome trio through most of your youth. they'd never heard you raise your voice before, let alone the venom behind your words.

"someone answer me!" you shout, your entire body vibrates from the panic working its way down to your stomach.

you're going to puke if someone doesn't tell you what the hell is going on, and soon. you'd received a rather frantic voicemail from jax last night and hadn't been able to reach him since, which is what made you turn your car around and head for the clubhouse. his voice was shakey, and you couldn't hear a damn thing that made sense. but you know jax, and jax doesn't panic. he's dealt with and seen it all through the years, he's not easy to shake. so hearing your husband–well soon-to-be ex-husband–in that state had your mind reeling.

"kiddo, you need to take a deep breath." clay starts, attempting to sling an arm around your shoulders.

you shrug him off, "no! you need to tell me what the hell is going on, and why jax called me in a panic, and where the hell he is!"

it comes out as one rushed sentence, barely comprehensible but opie steps towards you. he rests a large hand on your shoulder, a distraught look on his face.

"we need you to take a breath, seriously, epps. i'll tell exactly what's happening, but you've barely taken a breath since walking over here, and you look like you're going to passout."

you nod, sucking in some extremely needed air. you take a second to just regulate yourself, and in that time, opie steers you over to one of the picnic tables. you sit down, back to the table and once you've calmed a little, you cross your arms and look up at him expectantly.

"alright, now, tell me."

he glances back at clay, and at his dad, before looking back to you. they turn and walk into the clubhouse, giving you two some privacy.

"cameron hayes killed your brother because he thinks gemma killed edmund,"

"w-what?" you ask, bottom lip wobbling, your head is spinning

your baby brother is... dead? eddie is dead? cameron hayes killed your brother? you shake your head, wiping your eyes on the sleeve of your flannel. you'd practically raised eddie. your mom was a drunk, and your dad had left long before you could form any memories of him. so, from ten on, you were big sister, mommy and daddy all rolled into one. you taught him manners, how to use the toilet, how to cook, how to flirt with girls, and so many more things. you'd been there for every step of his life, cheering loud enough to drown out the naysayers.

when he left for the military you were terrified that you'd get that call every parent dreds. sure, you weren't really his mom, you couldn't be with the five year age gap, but in all the areas that mattered, you were. eddie was your first kid in a twisted sense, and knowing that he'd made it all the way home from iraq, only to die at the hands of someone affiliated with the club that he loved so much shattered your heart.

"n-no, that's not possible, i-i just sp-spoke to eddie, we-we just spoke this morning. h-he said he and-and-and-and," you're spiraling, mind and heart racing faster, and faster before your expression drops, and your mind clears. "abel. he was taking tara back to jax's to get some of abel's things. where is my baby? where's abel, harry? where is my baby?"

you're sobbing uncontrollably, your entire body shaking as you slide off the seat of the picnic table, onto the concrete. opie pulls you into his chest, and you sob into his shirt. it's another first for all of them, watching you breakdown, watching you cry.

"we're going to find abel," opie says into your ear, trying to calm you down, it doesn't help, you just cry harder.

it shouldn't have happened in the first place! the club was on lockdown. losing eddie is hard enough, but losing your son in the same span of minutes is devastating. it takes you twenty minutes, but when you finally pull yourself together again you pat opie's arm, and stand up.

"where is jax?" you ask quietly, taking a deep breath.

"he's at home, we're heading over there now, let juice drive you, you shouldn't be driving right now." opie says, and you nod.

normally you'd fight him, which he's well aware of, but knowing your son is god knows where has you in an anxious tailspin. you don't have the energy to fight with anyone right now. opie walks you over to your car, tucking you into the passenger seat and waiting by the door for the other's to come out of the clubhouse.

"what happened exactly?" your voice is barely a whisper, and opie looks worried.

"are you sure you want the run down right now?" he questions, and you immediately nod, your eyes on the hood of your car.

"please, ope," its the most desperate, pathetic sound to ever cross your lips, but you have to know.

he takes a deep breath, "what tara says happened, is that gemma took off while they were out, so she sent your brother to watch over her, and she went to jax's house. stahl freaked, shot edmund hayes, gemma shot polly, and stahl pinned the blame on her. half– eddie took off to find tara, and cameron must have followed him from their safe house. cameron was going to kill abel, but your brother stepped in, and got stabbed in the process. he tied her up in the nursery, and left with abel."

"the same man who killed my brother, has my son?" you ask, and he nods. "and tara just let him take my son?"

"well, i wouldn't say that—"

"everyone's ready," juice says, stepping up to the driver's side window, pulling the door open.

"hang tight," opie says, patting your knee before closing the door, and walking over to his bike.

"hey baby," juice says softly, "i'm sorry."

you nod, but don't say anything. you pull your seatbelt on, and lean back. you and juice had been together for a couple of months, with jax's blessing of course. he'd been great, amazing even. part of you would always love jax in a way that juice would understand, and he was okay with that. knowing you would be crawling into bed with him every night was good enough to ease any worries he might have had. juice had been rock solid in your life, a shoulder you privately cried on when jax had initially asked for the divorce.

you saw it coming from a mile away, while you'd loved each other greatly, it just wasn't the same kind. you knew that in the beginning, the middle and especially at the end. you also knew that if you didn't agree, or you tried to convince him to stay, that you'd lose him for real. he'd grow to resent you, and you'd grown to hate him for resenting you. you couldn't live in a world where jax wasn't at least a part of your life in some capacity. so that meant an amicable split, and seeing him when you dropped off abel. despite what most people think about your relationship, things haven't changed.

jax is still one of your best friends, and when you're not working, you're usually at his house. your relationship label may have changed, but your relationship hadn't. opie had been the most worried when you'd told him you were getting divorced. his two best friends splitting? nightmare. but when you told him there were no hard feelings, well, he actually didn't believe you at first. it took seeing you both in action to actually understand that you were serious. then, you found out you were pregnant.

it didn't change anything, you were still getting divorced, but jax was actually really excited. he'd told you about all his worries about becoming a father, and you reassured him that he'd be great. in turn he did the same for you. he joined you at every appointment, and played a very active role in your pregnancy. he helped you find an apartment close to his house, and spent a lot of time by your side helping you with nursery set up, moving, and everything in between.

gemma was probably the most heartbroken over your split. she loved you just as much as (and sometimes more than) jax. she helped you a lot over the years, especially when she found out about her grandbaby. gemma made the transition from wife, to ex and baby momma so much easier. she was a cheerleader for you, and always in your corner. you were incredibly lucky to have them, and be in the situation you were in. tara on the other hand... she was the opposite. gemma clocked it the moment you went into labour prematurely.

you'd been stressed over work, being the only manager on an already understaffed team was difficult but so was being pregnant. you'd never planned on getting pregnant, so there were a lot of things at work you decided were to be dealt with later. the moment you found out, you were trying your damnedest to get things ready. the stress got to you, and manifested itself in making your pregnancy high risk, and then landing you in the hospital way earlier than you should have been. it was obvious to you the moment jax came to see you after abel was born that tara thought it was your fault.

later it became clear to you that she just didn't like you, something you didn't notice in your teen years. you'd never really spent any time with her then, but the more time you spent with her after your son's birth, because lets face it anytime you went to visit jax she was there. all smiles, and cooing at your son until jax left the room, and then a scowl and general disinterest in you reared its ugly head. now things were different. she let a terrorist kill your baby brother, and kidnapp your son. karma was about to take her ass for a ride, and you were going to be driving.

"hey," juice says, his warm hand finding yours over the center console, snapping you from your thoughts. "we're here,"

you turn your head, and see clay speaking to tara in the doorway. your vision goes dark. you don't even remember getting out of the car, let alone walking over to tara and grabbing a handful of her hair. you're yelling is incomprehensible, but it's obvious to onlookers that you're sobbing as you beat the shit out of her. you come to again with juice's arms around you, pulling you into the house, and opie pulling tara inside into a different room. your only injury is three claw marks across your cheek, but tara is quite a bit worse for ware.

"what the hell were you thinking?!" jax snaps at you, upon pulling you away from juice, and into abel's nursery.

"i was thinking about how that bitch let some guy take my fucking baby and kill my baby brother!" you scream at him, breaking down all over again. "my baby..."

his expression softens, and he wraps an arm around you, pulling you into a hug. you sob into his shoulder, loud, heartbreaking, borderline violent wails.

"i'm sorry about your brother, i really am, but you can't blame tara."

you pull back, weaseling away from his grip, "can't i?"

"it could have happened to anyone, it could have happened to you."

"i would have died, jackson, and i think you better than anyone knows that. i would have died for abel. for eddie. i would not have let that man get away with everything i love." you say, sobering, violent, hot anger courses through you. "i would have died or killed him. i wouldn't have let him walk out the door."

he just stares at you. his once bright blue eyes dark, like the light behind them died. you know he knows exactly how you feel. that he blames tara to some degree. but you don't really care. you're numb. your heart aching in a way you've never felt before. in a way you'd never wish upon your worst enemy. tara included, despite what she did. the worst part is you don't have the one person you want to talk to about it. eddie died protecting her, and his nephew. what did tara do? she let herself get tied up, let cameron take your baby, let cameron kill your brother. tara lost nothing, and once again, you've lost everything.

"i want to kill her jax," you say finally, after what feels like an eternity of silence, his sad eyes just staring back at you. "that's not rational, not right. but i've just lost the two single most important people in my life, and i want to kill her for it."

"i understand what you're saying, why you're saying it," he says slowly, "but you're right, it's not rational."

"when abel comes home, she's not allowed to be around him by herself. i don't care what that means. i don't feel comfortable with her being alone with our son." you tell him, fingers grasping the cool leather of his kutte to pull him in closer. "i don't want to see, hear or think about her until then, and you bet your ass, i'm coming with you to bring him home, whatever, and wherever that takes us."

jax briefly looks scared of you, but he collects himself just as quickly as you let him go, and brush past him back out the way you came.

"you're lucky you're not dead," you seeth, flipping tara off with both hands as you walk back out to your car.

worried about your well-being and your mental state, jax sends juice home with you when you leave. the drive to your apartment, albeit quick, is silent. how does one comfort someone who lost both their only child, and only brother in a matter of minutes? besides, juice knows you well enough to know that you'll talk when you're ready. if you're ever ready. and right now? you don't know if you'll ever be. the fear of unraveling that far scares you. so for now, you think positively, and you keep moving forward.

it takes four hours, before agent stahl is in your living room, sitting on your couch. juice stands in the kitchen, watching the exchange from the sink, where he's washing your lunch dishes.

"so, mrs teller, where were you yesterday afternoon?" she asks, and you immediately understand why the club hates the woman so much.

"the divorce might not be finalized yet, but it's miss epps, and i was half-way to seattle."

"ah, yes, i forgot about that... why were you heading to seattle?"

"i don't really see how that's going to get my son back, seeing as you know who took him already."

"we need to get a picture together of everyone's movements."

"i got a phone call a few days ago, my mother's in the hospital there. she wanted to see me, so i was going."

"as i understand it, you aren't close with your mother?"

"no. look, agent stahl, this isn't helping. get your ass out there and look for my son. you're the reason my brother died, i'm not interested in you being the reason my son dies too. do your fucking job." you abruptly stand up, and walk into the kitchen.

you want to throw something. you want to scream. you want to be violent and aggressive. you miss your brother. you miss your baby. you want them back. most of all, you want this nightmare to be over.

when jax tells you they're heading to ireland, you pack light, but take abel's favourite stuffed animal, a white bear with a blue hat, mitts, scarf and booties. you carry the bear with you, hugging it tightly when you worry you're about to fall apart. jax's reassuring hand on your knee, and juice's hand in yours keeps your grounded. you lose yourself a little every time you think you're going to see abel, and then are denied at the last moment.

when father ashby finally drops the bomb on you and jax; that he'd been adopted, sold to another family, you break down. father ashby tries to comfort you, but nothing he says changes anything.

"i don't care about your fucking god, i don't. i don't care about your promise to john teller. i want my fucking baby back. your cousin has caused me enough pain; by killing my fucking brother. don't make the mistake of keeping my son from me." you scream, uncaring who hears you. "i'm sure you know the saying desperate people, do desperate things. desperate doesn't even begin to cover what i am, and what i'm willing to do to get abel in my arms, and back home."

you lay in bed all day, the blanket pulled up over your head, your eyes squeezed closed, the bear tucked under your arm. you've felt sick from the moment you'd heard that abel might be gone. whisked away by some—in their defence, probably oblivious, but lovely—couple, about to be taken god knows where. the very notion, that you could go home empty handed hurts, burns, stabs at your heart. you feel like someone's cut you open, and taken a knife to your chest. poking and proding at all the parts you should never poke and prod at.

you've never felt worse in your life; physically, mentally, and emotionally. you're drained, exhausted, and contemplating ending your life. you've never felt so low. you're almost embarrassed as the idea crosses your mind, but the longer you stew, the longer it seems like a really appealing idea. incredibly selfish, but desperation is like that. you weren't sure how jax was downstairs, enjoying the night, the party, the people... how he wasn't suffocating, like you were. everthing is falling apart, collapsing around you, and he's acting like everything's a-ok.

you don't hear the bedroom door open, but you startle when you feel the bed dip behind you. fight mode activates, and you leap from the bed, eyes scanning for a weapon. then you see jax's face in the reflection of the window, your heart rate slows.

"you asshole, make some noise when you move around. i thought i was about to get murdered..." you close your eyes, hands dropping to your sides. "why are you here?"

"i'm so sorry," his voice is barely a whisper, you vaguely make out the trembling of his bottom lip, and the tears streaming down his face. "this never– never should have happened."

your expression softens, and you sink back down on the small bed. you pull jax in, his head resting on your shoulder as you hold him. you'd only ever seen him cry a few times, but that was usually how you could tell he was past his breaking point. jax always perseveres, pushing forward. you're the slightly unstable, completely unhinged one. he's the calm, rational thinker.

"i don't blame you." you tell him, "i don't even blame tara, anymore. i blame stahl. it's her fault all this shit happened. had she not shot edmund, none of this would have happened."

he nods against your shoulder, then lifts his head. the kiss is unexpected, but not unwelcome or unwanted. the sex is fantastic, it always is with jax, but it just further complicates an already complicated situation. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened come morning when juice pops his head into the room to see how you're doing. he's hurt, but he understands to an extent. he loves abel. he loves you and by extension abel is part of you, so what's not to love? under normal circumstances, he knows this would not be an issue, but nothing about what's happening is normal.

he knows you're grieving, he knows as abel's father, jax can relate to your struggles more than anyone. what he doesn't understand, is why, even while in the midst of a divorce, the pair of you would do something like that. how despite this, he shoves his concerns aside, and closes the door, banging heavily on it to wake the pair of you. he doesn't avoid your eye, or not take your hand when you reach for his, or walk out of every room you walk into. he instead, keeps his mouth shut, and supports you. the guilt gnaws at you, and you spend the majority of the day avoiding jax, and he you (and juice).

after your night with jax, you brush your hair, actually get dressed, and spend the afternoon playing cards with juice, opie and happy, and try really hard to feel normal. it works for a few hours, until you find out that your son has been taken, again from his new adopted parents, and that they were brutally murdered in their hotel room. discovering jimmy was behind it surprises no one, but sets you into yet another tailspin. terrified of what could happen to him, terrified that jimmy would kill him if he got too annoying.

luckily, your fears never play out, because father ashby trades himself for abel. when jax walks back through the doors of the apartment you'd all been staying in, with abel in his arms you can't help the happy tears. shaky, holding your breath, hand over your mouth, you stare at your unharmed baby in jax's arms. seeing abel for the first time in what feels like an eternity is like a cold water shock to your system. when jax hands him over to you, letting you finally hold your son after weeks without him.

he smiles up at you, cooing softly, and reaching for your hair. it's like every bad, anxiety moment slips away. it doesn't matter that he was gone, all that matter's is that he's home, in your arms, surrounded by all the people who fought to bring him home, his family.

247 notes · View notes