#jensen ackles soldier boy

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 15: What Do You Know About Love?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter fifteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6.5K (I got carried away again)

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Crying,  Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

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Present Day *Reader POV*

The shopping bags that hung from your arms would have been heavy for the average person, but for you it seemed like a bag full of pillows. It was the day after you saw Rosemary and said goodbye. Despite the almost excruciating hangover you had this morning, because it'd been almost forty years since you last had a drink, you dragged yourself to the mall to try and find outfits for your trip to Russia. You were satisfied with the few outfits you found, but you were worried because the plane left in a few hours and you were no where near ready.

Mentally or physically.

As much as you wanted to go help Ben, you still were apprehensive about the whole situation, not just about going in blind, but wondering what the hell you were going to do when you saw Ben. You wanted to hold on to your anger, but you were afraid that the moment you looked into his green eyes you would forgive him.

I am not going to forgive him. I'm going to break him out then tell him to fuck off and I never have to see him ever again.

Despite your apprehension, you knew that you had to do this, that you had to go help him even if you still hated him because you couldn't bear the thought of the boy you grew up with being tortured over there all alone. It was the alone part that hurt the most. You knew how much Ben hated being alone. He never had to say it out loud, but all the time you'd spent together in your bedroom before and after the injection spoke volumes.

Of course you still had no idea where you were going, but figured that if you went to the Kremlin you could get some answers, which meant you'd either have to lie your way in or just kill anyone in your path. Which would be messy, but necessary. You try to shake off the guilt of exposing yourself again and what that could mean for Rosemary and Lou. You made sure that Rosemary knew to pack a bag for herself and for Lou and told her to wait for your call.

You wanted to be there to escort them out of the city, didn't want to split up and have them get snagged while you were waiting for them at the rendezvous point, so you told Rosemary to take a few days off and lay low.

When you get to the outside door of your apartment building toting the bags, you notice that it's been broken, as if someone tried to pull it off its hinges.

Well that's great. Hopefully the building manager noticed that.

Your mind drifts back to Ben as you step into the elevator.

What if he isn't alive when I get there? It was an unwelcome thought, but it meant that you wouldn't have to talk to him.

 Maybe if I knock him out when I get there and just leave him in a Russian motel somewhere, I won't have to talk to him. You pause. Will he want to talk to me? 

The memory of the last time you spoke flashes through your mind bringing an unmeasurable amount of rage and heartbreak back over your body. The dam you built to keep out everything that happened was reaching capacity, especially given the recent events with Countess, and you knew that the moment you saw Ben it was going to burst open. You hoped that you'd be able to keep it together long enough to get out of the lab or wherever the hell he was being held, before you lost it. But it was doubtful.

As you walk down the hallway to you apartment, you notice that your front door is open and you stop walking. Apprehension spikes at the back of your mind as you examine the door. The lock is broken and  door is cracked just enough for you to hear people talking inside in hushed tones. You creep forward and look through the crack.

You've got to be kidding me. You groan to yourself noticing Butcher and Hughie standing in your living room.

Great. Just what I need. Right when I'm going to leave they show up. Guess that explains the mystery of the broken door downstairs.

You think about walking away, of going back down the elevator and hoping that by the time you come back they would be gone, but you knew you had to face them and you still had to pack. So you push open the front door of your apartment and step into the room.

"You know when I called saying that I had something else to say about Soldier Boy, I assumed you would call, not break into my apartment." You sigh before moving to the right side of the counter that divides the room between the living room and the kitchen and depositing the shopping bags on the stainless steel top.

"Maybe you shouldn’t leave your apartment unlocked poppet. Anyone could walk in." Butcher replies with a grin.

"Hmm. Sure. You guys here for more coffee?"

"Go shopping did you?" Butcher ignores your snark eyeing the bags.

"Yeah I needed a few new outfits for my art show next month." The lie is easy, but you know that the sudden appearance of the two of them probably meant you were caught red handed. Of course now with everything that happened with Countess, you didn't care anymore if Butcher and Hughie knew who you really were. "You doing okay there Hughie?" You raise an eyebrow as you notice how his heartbeat has spiked since you entered the apartment.

"Good." He says, but he looks uneasy.

Well, guess he's afraid of me now.

"Huh. And here I thought you were replacing your jacket." Butcher throws your ruined jacket onto the floor between you.

You look from the jacket to Butcher. You hadn't bought a replacement and hadn't wanted to throw it out. You were still hoping that the scorch marks looked like you had "distressed" it. It didn't and you knew that, but you loved that coat so much.

"See, I think it’s a big coincidence that Countess got right fucked after we came and talked to you." Butcher smiles.

"Probably the same coincidence as Gunpowder dying before you showed up here the first time." You breeze with a tight-lipped smile.

Where was he going with this? Was he here to kill me? You think about what Legend said about Butcher killing supes.

"That looks bad." Butcher gestures to the jacket. "You have a little spat with your good friend?”

"Let's just say she said a few things that upset me." Your eyes skate from Butcher to Hughie sizing them up. "If you're here to kill me, you're welcome to try. Oh sorry,  'arrest me'." You make air quotes around the words. "But we both know you're not government agents, you reek of Compound V and the last time I checked there was that whole, no supes in the government thing."

"Wouldn't it have been easier to get this out of the way the first time?" Hughie asks.

"I didn't want to be involved." You shrug your shoulders.

"Then why you'd buy a plane ticket to Russia?" Butcher takes a step towards you, but you hold your ground.

You weren't afraid of him.

"I hear it's nice this time of year. Not too hot, not too cold. Very pleasant." You snap back at him eyes narrowed, before you look down at the antique watch on your wrist. "Look I'd love to have a heart to heart, but I just don't have time to do this little dance with you. So we can either get to the part where you try to kill me or-" You raise your gaze from the watch to glare back at Butcher, but then your eyes focus on the hallway behind him and your heart stops.

Ben is standing there in the shadows looking at you the same way he always has, with those wonderful piercing green eyes that makes all other memories of them be put to shame. He's dressed in modern clothes, wearing a dark green shirt that hugs his perfect muscular chest and is the same color of his suit, your favorite color and the one you can never look at without thinking of him because damn it, it's also the color of his eyes. He looks the same, but different. His hair is longer and darker than it was the last time you saw him and his cheeks are covered by a trimmed but thick beard. It was unusual given that you'd never seen him with more than just a little bit of stubble and annoying because it makes him look even more ruggedly handsome, but despite the piercing way his eyes follow you, you can see a haunting memory of the last forty years.

You're upset that the one of the first thoughts you'd had beside staring at him open mouthed is that you wished you were wearing something more flattering than one of your pairs of paint splattered overalls over an old band t-shirt. You were going to Russia to get him and yes maybe you were shopping for things that you could move in, but you had picked out a particular revenge outfit that you believed would make Ben regret everything he did to you and also might have been paired with a particularly badass set of boots that made your legs look very long. The outfit that made you feel beautiful and sexy was unlike the one you were wearing at the moment. Also because you hadn't brushed your hair today and had just stuck it up in a messy bun at the back of your head.

You're struck with the urge to run to him and kill him at the same time, but you can't move and you can’t think.

Apart of you believed that you would find him dead in Russia, a sad thought but it meant that you wouldn't have to relive everything all over again. Everything that went to shit the last 24 hours you spent together that you relived with Countess the other day and now you were reliving when you looked at him standing there looking better than he should.

Because damn it, only Ben could be tortured in a lab for the past 40 years and walk away looking like a GQ model. I've never hated anyone more.

"Ben?" Your voice is no more than a hoarse whisper.

Ben pushes past Hughie and Butcher, taking careful steps towards you like he doesn't want to scare you away. "Y/n." The sound of your name on his lips fills you with an inescapable amount of warmth.

Traitor. You think to yourself at your body’s reaction.

He's standing so close to you now that you can smell the same shampoo and aftershave he always used and it brings back memories of the nights he spent in your bed with you laughing and talking like nothing had changed making you feel alive again for the first time in forty years. Before everything went into the blender set to puree.

Ben's eyes trace your body like he can't believe you're standing in front of him making you wish again that you're wearing the outfit you picked out so that you could look as good as he does. And just as he raises his hand towards your face you remember why you hated him, remember that night, remember what Countess said that caused her to lose her head.

Your hand flashes out so quick you don't think Ben notices it until it lands with a resounding slap against his cheek that sends him reeling back from you. Your strengths were similar, almost identical, and if he hadn't been invulnerable it would have ripped his perfect jaw from his face.

"What the fuck was that for?" Ben snaps, green eyes blazing as he looks back at you.

"You've got some nerve coming back here after all these years." You spit, the anger rising in your chest with wings of fury that beat against your ribcage. "Did you really think that you could just say my name again and make me forget everything that happened Benjamin? I am not one of those trashy women that you used to fuck and the fact that you think you can show up here, give me the fucking puppy dog eyes, and think that I’ll swoon, is ridiculous!”

There goes the dam.

Your gaze levels on Hughie and Butcher who look just as stunned. "And you two. Why did you bring him here? I didn’t want any part of this!”

"Why did you pretend to be dead!" Hughie shouts back.

"Did you think that maybe that was me trying to tell you that I didn't want to be involved? Or are you two just that fucking stupid?"

"Why did you buy a plane ticket then?" Butcher asks again, raising an eyebrow.

Ben is watching you with anger burning in his eyes. It's difficult for you to look at him. Every time you do you think about your last night together, the morning after when he pushed you away, and finally the night where he ripped out your heart and stomped all over it.

How did I ever think I could look at him again when I got him out of Russia?

"Because even though I hate him. He doesn't deserve that. The Ben I knew would have come to get me, and I wasn't going to leave him to rot in some fucking Russian prison." You snap back. "Now get out of my apartment."

"Sweetheart-" Ben begins to say.

"No. No. No. I don't want to hear it from you. Nothing you can say can make this better. I’m glad you’re free or whatever, but go. Get out." You push past him, but Ben's hand flashes out and grabs your wrist with enough force that you feel the bruising of your skin.

"No." He towers over you.

"Let. Me. Go." Your eyes narrow shifting to bright purple. The entire room begins to tremble, the glass windows shake in their panes and the glass jars full of paint brushes on your studio table begin to clink against one another. But he doesn't remove his hand.

"Not until you listen." Ben's own green eyes have hardened into a emerald.

You latch onto the wrist that is holding you and break his grip, before spinning and throwing him backward across the room away from you. Ben's body flies past Hughie and Butcher who watch with wide eyes as he hits the back of the couch and pinwheels over it with a loud thud as he lands on the cushions. You would have rather thrown him into the brick living room wall, but you restrained yourself.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say Benjamin. You said enough that night and apparently you were saying lots of things to Countess about me. So get out." Your eyes skate across Butcher and Hughie. "All of you."

Hughie is still watching you with wide eyes, like he can't believe that just happened.

Join the club kid.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ben shouts, standing from the couch and straightening his clothes. You don't need to be a psychic to know how angry he is. In fact, you're surprised he's not throwing you out the window or at least throwing a punch. Ben didn't tolerate it when anyone put him in his place and it definitely looks like it's taking him an extreme amount of effort not to attack you, given the way his hands are clenched into fists and the way his jaw is tensed so tightly you can see the muscle flexing.

"She told me what you said about me. That you threw me a pity fuck because you felt sorry for me, that you were bored when we had sex because I was so inexperienced."

"It's not true."

"Isn’t it?" You're trying desperately not to cry, but the angry tears have already begun to well up in your eyes. "The last thing you sad to me was that I was pathetic and that you never would love me, never could love me. That you fucked me because you felt bad for me and you wished I would just fuck off. That I was just another warm pussy and that I meant nothing to you. So forgive me for not believing you."

"Oh shit." Butcher mutters under his breath.

"Damn." Hughie echoes.

"I know what I said to you, Y/n. I've spent the past 40 years regretting it-" Ben begins to say, but you interrupt him.

"Oh I'm so sure. The Great Soldier Boy actually has a conscience, let me just alert the media." You spit back. "Oh wait, sorry you wouldn't want that getting out would you Ben? Because that would mean you aren't a man."

"Y/n-" He growls.

"You don't get to come in here and apologize and act like you did nothing wrong. You're not here because you feel sorry, you're here because you want me to dote on you, to follow you around and give a shit like I did for 40 fucking years.”

“Y/n-“

"Stop saying my name like that!" You shout and the glass sugar dish on the counter flies off the counter and smashes into the floor sending shards of glass everywhere.

Hughie flinches.

"Like what?" Ben exclaims.

"Like you care." You cross your arms over your chest staring him down because you don't want to keep crying.

"I do fucking care about you-" Ben snaps running his hand through his dark hair frustrated.

"No you don't. You never did. You’ve made that perfectly clear.”

"Yes I do."

"Please stop talking."

"What else do you want me to say?" Ben shouts back, moving towards you. "I'm trying to fucking apologize-"

"I don't want you to say anything and I don't want to hear your half-assed apology! I want you to leave. You and your creepy friends." You gesture back to where Hughie and Butcher are watching with open mouths, who are unsure if they should leave or watch the show.

"They're not my friends."

"And neither am I! Which means I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say!”

"Y/n please-" His teeth are gritted together.

“I'm not some fangirl Ben. I was your friend, your friend before any of this. Before any of this fucking supe shit. I cared about you. I had been in love with you since I was 8. I had taken care of you since the night we met." More tears squeeze down your cheeks as a lifetime of happy memories before everything went down the drain wash over you. The wonderful times you'd shared together at the park, in your bedroom back in Philadelphia, dancing in the dancehall,  at baseball games and Ben walking you home all the while you wobbled down the street drunkenly and sang off key. All the blissful little moments that you thought maybe he felt the same way about you and then followed by the moments you spent together the night of your birthday, when you felt more special and loved than you'd ever had. It makes the knife he stuck in your back even sharper. 

"That night we spent together meant everything to me. I thought it was special and I thought you loved me. But you don't. You just fucked me because you were bored and you found the first person who said yes.” Your body turns away, but he grabs you by the shoulders to make you look at him.

"I do love you damnit!" He shouts. "I didn't want to-" Ben's jaw clenches in frustration, looking back at Butcher and Hughie. "Can you two just fuck off?"

"I wish you all would." You say, trying to loosen his grip on your shoulders, but he doesn't let go. You think about throwing him across the room again, because it made you feel a lot better.

"Fine. We'll be outside." Butcher says tugging Hughie away.

"Are you sure?" Hughie asks looking from you to Ben as if he's worried to leave the two of you alone.

"You want to be here? Because they're either going to kill each other or start fucking." Butcher responds.

"We are not going to start-" You begin, but they're already out the front door of your apartment leaving you alone with Ben, who is still holding on to your shoulders.

"Please listen to me." Ben says looking deep into your eyes. "When you said that you loved me it-" He stops looking for the right word as if he can't say the next ones that come out of his mouth. "Oh fuck it, it fucking scared me. Okay?  It scared me, Y/n, and damnit I'm not a pussy! I'm not afraid of anything!"

“Oh no you could never be a pussy could you? Soldier Boy could never admit that he had real feelings for someone.” Your voice wobbles, tears trailing down your cheeks as you poke him in the chest to emphasize every word. “And now you’re just saying what I want to hear, because you want to have another quick fuck!” You push your hands against his chest trying to push him off of you, but he won't let go. "You're just saying it because its been forty years since you had sex and you thought, huh might as well find the most pathetic person I know, Y/n won't say no if I pretend to be everything she wanted again."

He doesn't mean it. He doesn't love me.

"I’m not lying to you! And I’m not pretending! I wasn't pretending that night either!” Ben roars so loudly you flinch. “That night I felt things with you that I had never felt with anyone else. It wasn't cheap sex or a quick fuck-" His jaw tightens as if he's embarrassed to admit it. "Damn it.” His teeth are gritted together. “We made love. I understood that when I woke up the next morning and I was happy to be there with you. I knew that I loved you and I wanted to tell you, but I fucked it all up instead. I fucked Countess because I was scared of what loving you meant. But I’m ready now, I’m not scared anymore. I love you!”

He's saying everything you always wanted him to, but you're scared. Scared that he's just saying it, that he thinks it's what you want to hear and this is the only way that he can get you back into his life because he needs someone to follow him around, because he can't be alone.

You stand there for a minute taking in his stance. His head is slightly bowed in shame, shoulders tight, body leaning towards you. But then you catch his eye, you see the sorrow, frustration, and pain in his gaze. Ben was not big on sharing feelings and for him to admit all of these things aloud was shocking enough without the obvious emotions flashing in his eyes. It was so different than the stoic or pissed off attitude he usually had when he was Soldier Boy. The look in his eyes is so earnest and Ben has never been a good liar, not to you anyway. You always knew what he was thinking.

If I forgive him then what does that mean? I forget the past 40 years like they never happened? I forget all the tears when he broke my heart? Forget how broken I was? How broken I still am?

You think of all the times you missed him, all the times you forgot about what he said to you and remembered the good, all the times you wanted him there with you and Rosemary because you knew he would love to be there. All the early memories together, all the missions, everything that lead up to the falling out and Ben’s supposed death. Ben's admission of guilt and his confession of love for you was shocking. Especially because the Ben you knew 40 years ago would have rather dropped dead than say the words "make love."

No. I won't give in. I can't do this, I can't do this all over again. I was better, I was moving on, he doesn't have the right to come here and mess up my life all over again.

"No." You shout, shoving him away with all your strength. Ben stumbles backward, his eyes wide as if he wasn't expecting you to push him away, because of course he wasn't. “You don’t know anything about love. You’re just saying that because you know it’s what I want to hear, what I’ve always wanted you to say to me.”

He still doesn't understand how much he hurt me. And he doesn't deserve my forgiveness.

“I’m not just saying that, it’s true. Please y/n-“

"I don't believe you. And when I said I never wanted to see you ever again I wasn't lying. So get out Ben!" You shout.

"No. I love you and I'm not leaving." Ben says back determined.

You weren't prepared for what those words did to you. You weren't prepared for the floodgate of emotions that exploded the moment those words passed through his lips or the way it felt like you were being tugged in two different directions. Because despite wanting to throw him across the room again, those three little words made you want to run into his arms and hold him close, made you want him to take you to bed and make you forget all the shitty things that happened forty years ago, make it like he never left.

But you couldn't do it. As much as you wanted to forgive him, you couldn't because you didn't trust him anymore, you didn't trust that he could give you what you wanted.

“Too bad! I won’t do this to myself again. All I did was care about you, help you. I stood by you and made excuses for the person you became and I held on to this picture of the boy you used to be. The one I fell in love with. The one that used to climb in my window when things were hard. The one that took me to my first baseball game. The one who danced with me. The one that made me feel like less of a freak because he understood me. And the one that begged me to leave Howard and everything I knew and come with him. That night we were together I saw that boy again.  I loved that boy. I would have done anything for him and I did. But he’s not here anymore. And I hate myself for holding on to him as long as I did.”

"But I told you I loved you!" Ben exclaims.

“Just saying that isn’t enough, not after everything that happened!” You shout. "You're forty years too late Benjamin. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m exhausted and I’m going to go to bed. And I don’t want you to be here when I wake up.”

"Y/n please-" You hate how he sounds when he says it, like he's broken, because Ben has never once sounded that way in all the years you'd known him. You hate how he looks. How his dark hair is falling forward into his face and he looks so much like the boy you used to love that it makes you want to scream, because you wanted to believe that he was gone, but all you see when you look up at him is that boy. There is not one shred of Soldier Boy in the way he looks right now and you hate that. You hate that you wanted to forgive him, that all it took was him looking like at you like that. But you still can't do it.

"Just go." Your throat thickening as you say it, fresh tears trailing down your cheeks. "I don't want you here. I never want you to come here ever. I never want to see you again.” You lie pushing past him and walk down the dark hallway, slamming and locking your bedroom door behind you. Your body sinks to the floor as you pull your knees up into your chest, sobs shaking your body and tears pour from your eyes.

How many tears can I spend on one man? How do I still have any left after all these years? How could I have been stupid to think that I was over him? That I could just go to Russia, break him out, and then push him out of my life so easily? None of what just happened was easy.

Your face presses into your knees. You want to call Rosemary, call her and tell her what happened, but your phone is still on the counter and you couldn't go back out there, because you knew he was still there. Standing in your living room looking too perfect after all these years and saying all the things you always wanted him to and you don’t want to go out there and forgive him.

So you stay. Your back pressed against the door, crying into your knees and hoping that this will just all end.

Because it’s got to one day right?

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*Soldier Boy POV*

He hadn't meant to reach for you, but all he wanted was to feel the gentle swell of your cheek beneath the palm of his hand, the smoothness of your skin against his rough fingertips, and to memorize the planes of your face with his touch. You were even more beautiful than he remembered. Your curves perfectly accentuated by a pair of cute paint splattered overalls that made him smile, and your hair pulled away from your face in a messy bun but still made you look effortless and striking. When he saw you standing there, it was like taking a punch to the gut. He knew that he missed you, but seeing you there warm and alive made him want to crush you against his chest and never let you go ever again.

He had laid himself bare before you, allowing himself to push through the urge  to shove all his emotions back beneath the surface as his father taught him, and spoke, instead, the words he wished that he had said all those years ago.

Ben's shoulders tense when he thinks of what you shouted back at him, how broken you looked. His heart falls into the pit of his stomach when he remembers the tears in your eyes. Ben hated it when you cried. He also hated that the first time he saw you in forty years he made you cry, again.

He didn't know how to fix this. Ben thought that his apology would be enough to make you at least try to forgive him, but it hadn't. You had shoved him away from you, refused to let him touch you or comfort you-

Why is she so damn stubborn? I apologized! I told her that I loved her! Isn’t that what she wanted?

He grits his teeth together thinking about how you threw him across the room like he weighed nothing. If anyone else had done that to him, Ben would have killed them, but he knew that he deserved it. He knew you would be mad, but he thought that you would at least want to hear everything he had to say instead of cursing him out and slamming the door in his face.

When you slammed your door behind you, he had stood outside of it for an hour listening to you cry, heard your soft muffled sobs. At one point he leaned his head against the door and wished you would let him in so he could hold you while you cried, even though the thought made him feel like a pussy. He wanted to comfort you. He wished you had forgiven him, allowed him to take you to bed, allowed him to show you how sorry he was and how much he loved you. He wished that you let him help you forget the last shitty forty years that you spent without him, forget what he said and what he did to you that night. 

The harsh words you yelled at him make him flinch, when you told him that you didn't want him there and never wanted him to come back. They were the words that he always feared you would say to him when he climbed in through your window at night or when he showed up at your apartment when you were still on Payback. And hearing you say those words felt worse than anything those Russian fucks did to him. Because Ben didn't know where he belonged if he wasn't with you, he didn't know what to do if you weren't in his life, you were the only thing that mattered.

How could I fuck this up this much?

Ben looks back at the clock on the wall in the kitchen which shows he'd been there for three hours waiting for you to come out of your room, but you hadn't. He knew it was because you fell asleep, he could hear your heart beat, your soft breath against the pillows, and the almost silent sounds you made when you slept. They were exactly the same as when he would fall asleep next to you and damn it he didn't realize how much he missed them until this exact moment.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How do I fucking fix this?

Ben stands from the couch and walks down the hallway for the millionth time to stand outside your door preparing to knock, but he didn't know what to say. He thought that he'd said enough, but judging by your reaction he hadn't.

The thought of saying anything else was difficult for him to swallow. It was hard enough to say what he had to you, but he was realizing he was going to have to delve even deeper to make you even look at him again or want to be around him. 

Finally he goes to the front door of your apartment before he looks back down the hallway. He didn't want to leave, didn't want you to wake up and him not be there despite what you said about wanting him to leave. He wanted you to understand that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was never going to leave you ever again no matter how hard you tried to push him away. But he needed to leave now, not for long, just long enough for him to get what he needed.

He had seen the florist shop on the corner when Butcher drove up. As Ben walked down the street in the direction of the florist he remembered the conversation he had with Butcher after you slammed your door in his face. Convincing Butcher to let him remain in the apartment was difficult, but finally when Ben threatened to rip Hughie in half, Butcher relented stating that he would give Ben one night with you before he came back. That was the deal anyway, Ben had lied, because like hell he was going to leave now that he'd found you again.

Ben wasn't planning on leaving and  even if you couldn't stand to look at him, Ben would not go. Even if it meant sleeping on that shitty couch every night.

He would never leave you again.

The smell of the flowers wafted out of the small shop when Ben opens the door, his eyes skating across the numerous bouquets, each one more extravagant than the last. Other women would swoon over them, but not you. His eyes fall first on roses, but he turns away. He knew that you didn’t like roses, although many believed them to be classic, Ben knew that you thought over the years that roses had become generic and overused. He of course had sent some to numerous women over the years, but he liked that you were different. He always liked that about you. He rolls his eyes when he remembered when Howard bought you some every week.

Because of course that asshole didn’t know what y/n liked. No one knows her as well as me.

The man behind the counter eyes him when he walks in. "Can I help you find something sir?"

"No." Ben says gruffy looking at the displays again, but then he sighs. "Do you have any lavender?"

"Lavender?"

"Yeah." Ben knew it was the only thing that you would accept, knew that it was your favorite because it reminded you of the house your family rented over the summers up North. Ben hated those summers. He'd break into your bedroom and sleep in your bed while thinking of you and reading the letters you sent him over and over again, the ones that you pressed fresh lavender into and the ones that made him realize just how much he needed you.

Those of course weren’t the only letters you ever sent him. When he went to boarding school he’d wait for you to send him a letter and one of your doodles or a small painting. He kept every one in a cigar box under his bed. It was why he was kicked out of boarding school number nine, a fight he had with another student began because the student had found the box and then proceeded to mock Ben endlessly by passing around the letters you sent him. Ben had never told you what the fight was about.

Ben stops as he realizes how he’s going to get you to listen to him.

“Here you are sir.” The florist reappears at the counter holding a large vase of freshly cut lavender.

“Do you have a phone I can borrow?” Ben asks.

“Sure.”

The object the man hands him is not a phone, well not a phone that Ben’s ever seen before.

“I said a phone-“

“That is a phone?” The man looks confused.

“How do I fucking call someone with this?” Ben sighs shaking the black rectangle in his hand and looking for the buttons.

The man takes the object and swipes his fingers across it before handing it back to him so Ben can see the numbers to dial. “Just push what you want and hit the green button.” The man says, looking at Ben like he's crazy.

“Oh. Thanks.” He mutters, before dialing the number and holding the phone up to his ear.

Legend answers on the first ring.

“Hey it’s me. Do you still have all my old shit from my apartment?”

“Somewhere.”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

******************************************

N/A: Why not end on a cliffhanger? This chapter is a bit longer, because this week is CRAZY for me and I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the next chapter. But I'm not giving up on these two. They deserve the world.

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you guys think. If you'd like to be added to my taglist, please let me know :)

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[anundyingfidelity]

i love him your honor

[soldirboy]

PROTECT ME FROM WHAT I WANT

Summary: You're working with Butcher and his team since your sister has died in a plane crash caused by Homelander and months later, you met Soldier Boy. Drown between hatred and your desire to have your vengence, you have to face your feelings for Soldier Boy eventually.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Female!Reader

Warnings: Angst, Hurt, Language, Soldier Boy being an asshole, grief, family issues, mention of death, cursing, mention of drugs, unrequited love

Word Count: 2113

A/N: English is not my first language. *We die like men*

Chapter 1: Don’t try to fight the storm, you’ll tumble overboard

Its been a year since the greatest supe ever known of America has woken from his 40 years of sleep and it did not even took a big amount of time your thoughts to revolve around him only. Oppressed with grief, your life was consuming you inside since your sister has died in a plane crash caused by Homelander. It changed many things. It made Butcher and his team to found you, turned you into something you couldn't name it anymore. Each passing day was the same. You were and all alone with despair when darkness took over the daylight; you knew you did not even mourn properly for your sister. What's worse was that you had a fought just before the flight. Funny, that was the only time you two had a fight in twenty three years and it was over for nothing. Time heals, they say. They are all wrong. It won't heal a shit till it kills and throws you away with one last heavy strike.

The day you rescued Soldier Boy was definitely a hard day to forget. He looked like an unleashed savage confused animal freed from a cage. Actually, he was literally something like that. Ben was so hard to control. Besides, the worst thing about himself was not his character; it was his erratic nuclear muscled chest ready to blow up anytime. It was a hidden menace under his thick skin.

At first, you weren't so sure if Homelander or Ben was worse. Probably both were pure supe evils in their own unique way. After all, intentionally or unintentionally, they both hurt many people.

All things aside, at least you were certain about one thing you truly craved for. The only thing. Homelander must die.

Walking on tiptoe, your heart was beating fast and it was not the first time. Your palm was sweaty around the pistol and your knuckles probably turned white. No need to be humble, you were a good shooter, a very good one, but you weren't sure if you could aim right to the eyes of the supe you were looking for when the right time comes. Ben gave you the big eye, almost chuckled. You knew his senses as a supe were highly developed and that made things embarrassing for you. In addition, the house being so silent and dark was another problem.

You did not know when that all these things started; when he made you feel such things. Maybe it was just a silly and temporary crush to disappear sooner or later. However, as time passed, the way you react around him just grew irrevocably stronger. It was getting out of hand or already did. You hated that feeling, but loved it, also despised it and obsessed with it. He was hard to ignore in every way, especially when he was that heart wrenchingly handsome.

“Hey,” he said mockinly. “Why so excited suddenly?”

You were both grateful and angry to Butcher for leaving you alone with Ben in such a place like this. You were chosen to work with Ben most of time since he broke Hughie's arm, got a fight with Annie, Frenchie and threw Butcher to the tree,-lucky of him he was on Compound V- so, no one wanted to spend a single second with him. Especially Hughie was scared as fuck of him.

The only one who did not have a fight with Ben was Kimiko as she never said a word at all that could make him mad in any way. Though you knew Kimiko was even more savage talking to Ben with sign language, you never dared or needed to translate her words directly.

Checking around nervously you took a deep breath. “I am not excited.”

“Don't worry, it's not a big deal,” he continued ignoring what you've just said. “I am used to such things.”

“What things?”

“You know,” he sighed. “Knowing that the strongest supe in the world with you right now in this house and all alone got you wet. I’m sure your clit is flickring with such exciment you might cum any moment..”

Judging by the look on his face as he went on acting his fingers obcenely and not stopping talking in an unappropiate way, he was amused. You just wanted to shut his voice completely down. He was not familiar with embarrassment at all. Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes waiting for him to finish his pornographic ted talk.

Taking back some steps from him “Have you totally lost your mind? Every single thing you say is so gross and nasty,” you finally said. “You're so delusional you should have been an author.”

It wasn't the first time he teased you. His choice of words was getting more obscene each time even though you never took them seriously. The things he said caused pathetic butterflies to punch your stomach hard. But you knew Ben was being like this to everyone. It was in his nature after all.

“Say delusional one more time and see what happens.” His sharpened eyes were fixed on you.

Fuck Butcher.

“Ben,” you whispered nervously. You got closer to him and touched his chest hesitantly.It would be a terrible idea to get on Ben's sensitive nerves. It would be easier if Butcher was there. “Are you on coke?”

“Course I am.”

Pushing your hands away from his chest with a rough move, Ben looked around cautiously searching for any sign of the supe.

You followed his footsteps. “Do you hear anything?”

“No.”

Stopping for a moment, you sighed. You did not want to push his buttons any further. “Is it true that this Supe can play with memories? Does she change them? Like mind control?”

“Worse.”

You felt his posture suddenly got serious.

“How?”

“The slut has a strange talent that can make you see stupid things, things you desire the most. They’re all fake and all made up stuff. Total bullshit.”

“What happens if you see them though?”

“It’s impossible to wake up if you are a little pussy. You'd trap like a rat driven by pathetic fake scenarios just because your little brain is a weak shithole and you’re just too scared to face the reality. That’s it."

The way he sounded made you even more curious.

“You sound like you experienced it,” you said raising your eyebrows.

Judging by the way sounded, you were sure he experienced every single thing he mentioned. But what could be Soldier Boy's nightmare or dream? You were dying to know what he desired the most. What on earth would be his dream? He always looked so confident and sure of himself, it was like there would be nothing in the world he would ever desire. Of course It would be Crimson Cuntess. Remembering the way he looked at her with disappointment made your stomach crumble in pain and despair.

“Absolutely nothing,” he insisted. “Only pussies desire things they can't get, right? I am smart and I can get whatever I want, sweetheart.”

“I thought it would be Crimson Countess,” you murmered hoping he would not get mad. You needed him to deny it so bad.

Looking at him with pleading eyes and waiting patiently, he looked genuinely lost in thoughts for a moment.

“Jealous?”

Looking away, you said “Why on earth would I be jealous?” You would make him believe you easily if you did not sound that needy and wasn't flushed. You could never be completely honest with him. How could you?

Putting his left hand on your chin sofly, he murmured. “You’re so obvious.. Do you really think I’m not aware the way you look at me?”

With a heavy heart, you looked up at him with beseeching eyes.

“I dont understand what you mean at all.”

“You do,” he insisted indifferently. “I know, you wish you were her, I know you’re so envious of her that you would even let me fuck you as I like it if I made a move, right?” he paused and snickered. Your heartbeat skipped at his harsh words.

You made a move to get away from him, but his grip on your chin tightened hard enough to hurt, so you stopped moving surrending his cruelty for a moment to catch your breath and let him do whatever he had on his mind.

Despite his roughness, you put your hand on his daring one softly, savoring his touch unintentionally as you try to push him away with helpless and meaningless attempts, hoping to show your affection for him. He didn’t make a move. Getting even closer, his broad chest touched yours ungently. Ben curled his lips into a mischievous smile and lowered his hand to where your heart is. When you felt his forearm touched your nipple, you gasped for breath and struggled determinedly not to melt into his warm touch.

Knowing his hand could easily rip your heart from your chest in a second should have been enough to take him out from your heart and mind right there, but it was always easier to blame destiny and the others for what happened and is about to happen. Moreover, him being that dominant, confident and powerful made your stomach curl in excitement.

“You’re wrong, Ben,” you denied.

You were angry at yourself for being like this, feeling that way. Between all things..your sister and everything happened in the last few months, you let your thoughts to be driven into something you should stay away from in the very first place. Coming to your senses and accepting the truth about yourself hurt more than Ben’s words. You could never be at his level, but you let your fantasies to took over your logic.

As you struggled not melting into his touch, you tried harder to get away from him and hoping it convince him, you mumbled “You’re hurting me.”

His grasp was indeed firm, but it did not hurt at all. You just wanted to save yourself from intensity of his seductive presence since you did not know if you could resist this irresistible pull one more minute.

He pulled away his hands on you, but remained still.

“How you fucking normals can endure being that weak, huh? You know I could kill you without even using half my strength, right? It must be taking a great energy and luck to survive.” he said mockingly.

You wanted to say he was nothing without Compound V in his veins, that he wasn’t naturally the strongest, but a made up product. However, it wouldn’t be smart at all to say such thing. Supes were not known with reasonable conversations and handling criticism. Maybe, Supes were physically the strongest breed whose emotional and narcissistic fragility suppressed under their thick skin. And Ben’s short temper wasn’t something you’d want to face with.

You both jumped when a noise coming from the second floor filled the house. Ben’s eyes were down. He was probably nervous considering potentially to being put in long sleep by the Supe. Unlike Ben, you took a step right to the stairs, tightning your grasp on the pistol and holding your breath.

“Be fucking slow,” he warned you, but it was more like he meant to threaten you.

You turned to him and whispered “Hey, who’s being a pussy right now?”

“Don’t fucking provoke me.”

“Hey,” you gave him a playful wink. “I’ll always protect you.”

Just before he say something, you’ve seen the Supe’s dark figure behind Ben. Your eyes fixed on each other. His body tensed with anger as his patience grew thin. He was about to lose his temper knowing he should kill her without meeting the eye of the fucking bitch. He simply just did not know how to do. Before he turned around, you shot at the darkness randomly, trying to stir panic in the supe. Darkness of the room was in your favor until you met the heinous eyes of the supe just before Ben caught and slammed her on the floor with a furious growling.

A/N: I'm not built for this.

[tom-whore-dleston]

Side Effects of Soldier Boy

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x f. reader

Word Count: 391

This fic contains: smut, literally PWP, drug use, unprotected sex, dirty talk, swearing, degradation, Soldier Boy doesn't pull out

Summary: Soldier Boy tries to keep you quiet during sex.

Notes: Wake up babes, Jordan discovered a new hottie to write about lmaoo Anyways, I know Soldier Boy is a walking red flag but unfortunately, I see the world through rose colored glasses hadshghsdl This is another submission for @flashfictionfridayofficial's prompt no. 239: Seal it Tight. Lowkey, I've been on a role with these quick fics, I don't want it to stop.

Sex with Soldier Boy was addicting. You would say it was more addicting than the cocaine that coursed your system. The blow was essentially the gateway drug to Ben.

The side effects: uncontrolled moans and orgasms that made your soul leave your body.

The two of you found yourselves in a rundown motel room, where Ben plowed you into the mattress at superhuman speed. His strong hand clasped over your mouth, in hopes to seal your cries of pleasure from the outside world. Considering how cocky of a bastard he is, it was bold of him to assume that simply covering your mouth would keep you quiet.

“Mmm, baby, those moans are so pretty, but so loud.” The supe grunted through clenched teeth. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as Ben’s pulsing cock stretched your walls. You gushed around him, causing each thrust to echo through the dainty room.

“God damn, even this pussy is loud,” Soldier Boy chuckled, making you throb. “Think you want the neighbors to hear me fuck the shit out of you, huh?” 

His dirty talk was no help to hushing your moans. Yet, it did push you closer to that sweet release you craved. With Ben being the instigator he is, he knew damn well what he was doing. 

The pit in your stomach was growing and it was only a matter of time before it exploded. You pumped your hips up to meet his and he took this as a signal to deepen his strokes until his balls slapped your ass. You were one step away from the edge when Ben removed his hand from your mouth to throw both of your legs over his shoulders.

“Fuck it, let the neighbors hear you. Let ‘em know how much of a slut you are for me.”

That euphoric bliss finally washed over you like a crisp ocean wave. You could have drowned under the wave but a kiss from Ben brought you back to shore. The handsome supe slammed into you one last time before filling you with his seed. He crashed onto the empty side of the bed, fingers lazily tangling between yours. The two of you laid there, staring at the cracked ceiling while catching your breaths. Just as you were coming down your high, you already itched for another hit.

Navigation | Fanfic Masterlist | Soldier Boy Masterlist

header credit: @saradika | divider credit: @firefly-in-darkness

[wildwestdean]

sweet and sour

summary: when you get back home after drinking a little too much, a sweeter side of ben slips out to take care of you. though you quickly learn that with him, you can't have any sweet without a little sour

pairing: soldier boy x female reader

word count: 3.2k+

warnings: some (mainly) ooc ben, swearing, depictions of alcohol consumption, drunk reader, angst, mentions of drug use, allusions to past sexual behaviours, fluff, hurt/comfort, nicknames/pet names

a/n: okay so i haven't actually made it to soldier boy's appearance in the boys yet, but i had a burning desire to write for him anyway. so yeah just don't judge pls lol

“What the fuck are you doing?” boomed a voice from behind you. 

You jumped slightly at the sudden noise, but turned with a grin upon recognizing whose voice it was. 

“Ben!” you giggled, meeting his confused gaze with bright eyes as you slightly swayed on your feet. “What’re you doing?”

He raised an eyebrow at you, trying to fight off the smirk forming on his lips as he ignored your question. “Looks like you had a good time out, huh, sweetheart?”

You couldn’t help the heat that rose to your cheeks at the term of endearment, or the string of giggles that left your lips. It wasn’t anything you weren’t used to, but it never failed to make you giddy - especially now. “I did!” you announced, before a frown suddenly took over your face as you remembered why you were in the kitchen “But now I want another drink, and I can’t find anythin’.” 

Ben just stared at you for a moment, taking in your rosey cheeks and glossy eyes; but most importantly, the frown that currently adorned your adorable face. He would never admit it, not even to himself, but he suddenly wanted nothing more than for that frown to disappear. 

“Alright,” he sighed, heading over to you. “What do you want?” 

You watched as he approached, taking in his more casual appearance of a t-shirt and sweats - and, you noticed with a shy grin, a pair of old man slippers. He came to a stop just before you, and you paused as you stared up at his stoic face while he towered over you. You didn’t even hear his question, too distracted by his overwhelming everything to even realize he asked something. 

He softly called your name to rouse you from your stupor, repeating it a little more gruffly when it didn’t work the first time. “What?” you asked, blinking up at his annoyed yet smirking face. 

“I asked you what you wanted,” he murmured. 

“Oh,” you said, your face scrunching together as you thought about it for a few moments. “I dunno,” you determined with a shrug. 

“And you expect me to find something for you?” he asked curtly, his brows rising in disbelief.  

Your brow unfurrowed as you grinned up at him. “Yes, please!” you declared eagerly, oblivious to the fact that he did not want to cater to you. 

He clenched his jaw, extremely irritated with his urge to smile at the sight of your cheesy grin. “Fucking-” he started, before he cut himself off with a long sigh, rolling his eyes. “Alright, fine. Just go sit down or something.”  

“Why?” you asked sadly, the frown taking over your face again. 

“Why?” he echoed incredulously. “When I came in, you were trying to find a drink while just staring at the fucking glassware for over a minute. That’s why.”

“Were you watchin’ me?” you asked smugly, smirking up at him. “Besides, that doesn’t mean I can’t help find a drink!” you argued, completely missing his point. 

His blank expression faltered for a second, a flash of colour fleeting across his face so quick it may as well have never been there. Then he simply barked a laugh, which only deepened your frown. “I bet you wish I was, huh? And you know, that's actually exactly what it means, dollface,” he chuckled darkly, tracing his knuckles along your cheek before suddenly grabbing you by the waist and hoisting you up onto the counter. “So sit this one out,” he said, ignoring your shriek of shock and protest. 

“Fine,” you grumbled, completely bewildered by the ease in which he manoeuvred you; as if it cost him zero effort. Which, of course, you knew to be true. 

“Good,” he said, smiling in satisfaction before ghosting a kiss against your forehead. “Now don’t fuckin’ fall off,” he warned as he walked over to the coffee machine. 

You watched him in confusion, your swirling brain trying to figure out why he was suddenly so much more affectionate with you. You were used to him teasing you, or returning your flirtations and banter, though this felt like more than that. Maybe he was just being extra nice since you were drunk. Or maybe you only thought he was being extra nice because, well, you were drunk. 

“Okay, knock it off,” he demanded, glancing over at you. “Why are you so frowny? I thought you liked your stupid girls’ night thing,” he added, leaning against the island with his arms crossed. 

“I do like my girls' nights! And I’m not frowny” you grumbled, almost offended he would suggest otherwise. 

“No?” he challenged, arching a brow as he took a few steps towards you. “‘Cause last I checked, this wasn’t your pretty smile,” he teased, tracing a thumb against your persistently downturned lips. Your smile naturally grew at that, and he beamed in response. “There’s my girl.” 

Your eyes widened at his words, and your reaction must have made Ben realize what he was doing. With slightly widened eyes of his own, he dropped his hand from your face as if burned and turned away from you once more, busying himself with making your coffee - exactly the way you liked it. 

You watched in silence, your feet softly swaying against the lower cabinets as your mind drifted in and out. “You don’t have any company tonight?” you found yourself asking suddenly.

“Think I’d be in here doing this if I had fucking company?” he asked hotly. “And I’m pretty sure you know when the last time I had company was,” he added bitterly. 

Through all the months of you living with Ben, you had noticed when his parade of bed warmers had started to dwindle down; and you had definitely noticed when it stopped altogether. Part of you likes to wish you had something to do with it, while the other part knew that was insane.

“Okay, grouchy,” you scolded with a chuckle. “Don’t act like it’s my fault.” 

“When the fuck did I act like it was your fault?” he snapped, growing exasperated. 

“Are you almost done?” you asked brazenly, ignoring his question. “I’m thirsty.”

“Coming right up, princess,” he sneered. 

You knew it was meant in a derogatory way based on his tone, yet you couldn’t help the warm tingle that spread through you anyway. 

“Here,” he grunted after a few minutes, nearly shoving the mug at you. He raised his eyebrows impatiently when all you did was stare down at it. “I better not have made this for nothing,” he warned. 

You gingerly took it from his hands, staring at it as if it was a foreign object; because, with a fluttering heart, you realized that he gave you your favourite mug - though you knew it was probably just a coincidence. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly, grinning softly at him before taking a sip. 

“Whatever,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes as he hastily turned his back on you once more. 

“You seem extra grumpy tonight,” you pointed out, watching him intently as you happily sipped away. 

“Who fucking cares?” he grumbled, keeping his attention off you as he made himself a drink - a strong one. He had a sinking feeling that if he looked at you he’d feel all warm inside again, and he refused to let that happen. “Besides. Maybe me being extra grumpy has to do with the drunk girl currently sitting on my counter.” 

“Oh,” you said meekly. “I’m bothering you?”

“You always fucking bother me,” he mumbled, slamming the bottle down. 

“I don’t mean to,” you assured quietly, your vision growing blurry with unshed tears. “I thought we’ve been getting along,” you added sadly. 

“Me putting up with you isn’t us getting along, dollface,” he sneered. 

You inhaled sharply at his declaration, your tears finally breaking loose and running down your face. “I can just leave you alone, then,” you offered, your voice a mere whisper. 

Ben made the mistake of glancing over at you, and the pang of guilt he felt inside his chest really pissed him off. He begrudgingly made his way over to you, standing between your swaying legs as he tried to meet your gaze - but you refused to acknowledge his presence. 

“Look at me,” he ordered, placing a hand on your chin to force your gaze on him. 

“No,” you said, closing your eyes. 

He let out an honest chuckle at your stubbornness, and if you had been able to see him, you would’ve noticed his eyes sparkle with affection. “Look at me,” he said again, much softer this time as his thumbs wiped away your tears. 

You let out a resigned breath, slowly looking up at him. 

“There she is,” he cooed, a small smile growing on his face. “Hey, darlin’.” 

“Hi,” you replied solemnly, your face scrunching ever so slightly in confusion over the interaction.

He didn’t speak for a while. Instead he just stood there, staring at you with your face in his hands as he tried to figure out what the hell to say next. 

“Look, just- stop crying, alright?” he said awkwardly, almost nervously. 

“Is that your idea of being comforting?” you asked dejectedly, almost laughing in disbelief. 

His grip on your cheeks tightened ever so slightly for a fraction of a second, before loosening again. “You and I both know that offering comfort isn’t my thing.” 

“You could at least try,” you muttered snidely. “I’m tired of being the only one of us who tries.” 

“What the fuck does that mean?” he snapped, letting you go and taking a step back in order to glare at you. 

You scoffed, frustratingly swiping away angry tears that began to stream down your face. “It doesn’t matter.” 

A heavy silence blanketed the two of you, and you picked up your mug to idly sip at it once more as he stared you down. He suddenly let out a frustrated huff, swearing and muttering under his breath as he turned away from you and grabbed his glass. With disbelieving eyes, you watched as he left the kitchen without a second glance. You weren’t a stranger to arguments with Ben, but this time, it felt different.

You stayed where you were perched, silently finishing your coffee and trying to make sense of everything that happened. You worked yourself back up into another frenzy as you thought everything over, and by the time your mug was empty you slammed it onto the counter with so much force you were surprised it didn’t break. Hopping off the counter, you began to stumble your way to your bedroom while angrily grumbling to yourself. A new inferno was set alight within you when along the way you came across Ben, nonchalantly lounging in the den as if nothing ever even happened. 

“How many fucking times do I have to tell you not to do that inside?” you snapped, watching in growing contemptment as he merely glanced in your direction before turning his attention elsewhere, smoke billowing over his face.  

“Tell you what, princess,” he muttered, taking another long drag from the joint he held. “I’ll stop smokin’ inside, as soon as you start payin’ for this fucking place.”

Without so much as giving it a second thought, you marched over to him and ripped the joint from his hands. He raised an eyebrow as he watched you with curiosity, a smirk already forming on his lips.

“I said,” you seethed, grabbing the ashtray from the side table as you stared him down. “Stop.”

He stayed silent, watching as you crushed the joint in the tray before tossing it back on the table with a clang. The corners of his mouth twitched as he fought back an amused grin before he steeled himself. 

“I’ll go ahead and give you ten seconds to leave,” he announced calmly, though you knew him well enough by now to notice the hint of warning in his tone. 

“Or what?” you challenged, stubbornly crossing your arms. 

Normally, you knew when to stop trying to push his buttons, but you had just enough alcohol still coursing through you to keep on going this time. 

He leaned forward, his presence completely imposing despite the fact he was sitting and you were standing over him. “Do you really want to find out?”

You shifted nervously as you took in his expression, and you knew he was both pissed off and annoyed; then again, it was rare that he wasn’t. 

“Whatever,” you finally muttered, turning away to leave. 

It wasn’t due to you being afraid of him - yes, he was intimidating as all hell, but he had never once actually physically hurt you. Despite the many times the urge struck him, and no matter how much he despised it, he quickly learned that you’re the one person he could never lay a harmful hand on. No, you simply left because you were growing exhausted over this whole night, and you just wanted some peace and quiet. 

“Thought so,” he grumbled behind your back, snickering as you momentarily stopped in your tracks. 

“Oh, just go to hell, Benjamin!” you exclaimed, whipping the closest thing you could grab towards his head. 

He caught it easily, laughing heartily when he realized what it was. “Thanks, doll. This is just what I needed,” he teased with a grin, rattling the pill bottle as he held it in the air for you to see. “It’s the only way I can fuckin’ put up with you.”

You stared at him carefully, and you could tell just by the look in his eyes that he only said it to get another rise out of you, but you couldn’t help the way your bottom lip trembled as you fought back more tears. 

His face instantly fell as he noticed your reaction, and while it was his intention, he instantly regretted it. With a heavy sigh, he tossed the bottle aside and stood up. 

“What are you-” you began to ask as he made his way over to you, but he cut you off. 

“Just shut up for once,” he muttered, a trace of a lighthearted chuckle in his voice as he shook his head. 

You opened your mouth to fire off more insults when he shocked all the words out of your vocabulary by wrapping his arms around you. He rested his chin on the top of your head, and even though you felt insurmountable anger towards him, you quickly found yourself melting into his touch, your arms tightening around his torso. A few moments passed by before he let out a small sigh, his fingers tracing a feather-light pattern along your back; a gentleness neither of you knew he was even capable of. 

“Look, I-... I didn’t… mean it,” he finally said. His tone was tight and awkward, and you knew it was a near impossible thing for him to actually admit. Honestly, hearing those words from him was nothing short of a miracle. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly, knowing this was the closest you would ever get to an apology from him. 

“How about we get you to bed, huh?” he asked lightly, trying to diffuse the situation. 

“Yeah,” you said, pulling away from him. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

You quickly left before he could respond, making it to your bedroom and locking yourself away in the bathroom to get ready. You took your time, carefully scrubbing away all the traces of the club, and the rest of the night, that you could before slipping into your night clothes. 

The first thing your bleary eyes noticed when you reentered your bedroom was Ben, paused in the middle of your room with a glass of water in his hand. 

“What are you doing?” you asked curiously, rubbing at your tired eyes. 

He let out a heavy exhale, looking at you with an expression you’ve never seen on him before. “Was just… bringing this to leave for you."

“Thanks,” you replied awkwardly, meeting him halfway to take the glass from him.

He stared at you for a moment, watching as you made your way to the bed and under the covers. He wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure what. 

“I’ve been trying, you know,” he suddenly grumbled, unable to take the tense silence any longer. 

“What?” you wondered aloud, glancing over at him. 

His face was scrunched in concentration as he stared at something straight ahead, unable to bring himself to meet your gaze. “With you. To be… I don’t know… better.”

His words took you by surprise, and you felt a little guilty for making him think you never noticed. “I know that,” you admitted softly. 

“I don’t think you do,” he quipped, his voice more aggressive than he meant it to be. “You bother me all the fucking time.” 

“You know-” you began to argue, anger starting to simmer deep within your bones again. 

“Stop,” he all but growled, holding up a hand. “Just fucking listen for once.”

You glowered at him, folding your arms as you sank further under the covers, as if seeking some kind of protection, while waiting for him to continue. 

It took him a while to speak up again, and you almost thought he’d never continue, but he hesitantly explained himself. “You bother me… because you make me different.” 

“What do you mean?” you asked tentatively. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted, chuckling humourlessly. “I’m a dick. I don’t care that I’m a dick. But you- I’m around you, and I want to be less…” he trailed off with a sigh, unsure of how to go on. 

“Less dickish?” you offered, fighting off a smile. 

“Yeah,” he agreed, awkwardly clearing his throat. “Yeah, I guess so.”

You hummed thoughtfully, thinking over your response. “In case you haven’t noticed, you don’t exactly send me running for the hills, Ben.”

“I know that,” he said passively. “I just… I don’t know. Don’t think that I don’t try.”

He finally turned to look at you, and you could see the pleading in his eyes; the hurt. You sighed in defeat, sitting up and gesturing for him to take up the space beside you. He hesitated, raising a brow in contemplation before making his way over. You peeled back the covers for him, and he carefully slid in; cautious, as though he thought it was a trap. 

Neither of you were sure what to do next, and after a few minutes of awkward silence, you laid down to settle in for some sleep. Ben followed suit, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you in close; you instinctively nestled against him, relishing in the warmth he provided.  

“I hope you don’t think I’m drunk enough to forget that you were actually sweet tonight,” you said suddenly, your voice a playful whisper. 

He let out a chuckle, his chest rumbling beneath your cheek and forcing a small giggle from you. 

“Just don’t expect it all the time,” he declared, a playful undertone in his voice as well. “I’m mostly sour.” 

Though despite his declaration, his grip tightened to pull you in a little closer. 

“Well,” you said, closing your eyes and relaxing against him. “Sweet and sour does happen to be my favourite combination.” 

“And thank Christ for that,” he muttered, more to himself than anything. 

You smiled to yourself, hearing his words despite them sounding far away. You had a fleeting intent to respond, but your mind grew too heavy, and you quickly fell asleep to the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath your head - though, not before you felt him placing a lingering kiss to your hairline, paired with a murmured goodnight, sweetheart.

tagging: @roseblue373

[jackles010378]

"SUPE"R Flexible

(Soldier Boy x You)

Billy Butcher forces you to babysit Soldier Boy. Ben doesn't know you're a supe, until one night you have a nightmare and things get quite heated between you both 🔥❤️‍🔥

Warnings : Contains SMUT (of course it does, it is soldier boy 😆😜)

(I laughed so hard at one of the lines I came up with {sad I know} let's see if you guys can figure out which one it is 😂🤭)

When Billy Butcher showed up at y/n's door, it was like a bomb going off in her quiet life. He had Soldier Boy in tow, a weathered and battle-worn soldier with a haunted look in his eyes. With his gruff voice and rough exterior, Butcher asked her without any pleasantries to keep an eye on Soldier Boy for him. Bewildered and taken aback, y/n reluctantly agreed, uncertain of what she had gotten herself into. "Don't worry sweet cheeks, you won't even realise I'm here" Soldier Boy commented as he pushed past her and plopped himself down on her sofa.

In just under an hour, Butcher had a few things delivered for Soldier Boy, which mainly consisted of booze, drugs and pornos. She turned a blind eye to all that. She knew what Soldier Boy had endured before he was put in that chamber over 40 years ago. As long as he didn't trash the place she left him to it. She only occasionally got annoyed with him when he wouldn't clean up after himself, or that he would just decide to walk around the apartment naked most of the time. Although she really didn't mind the latter part, he was easy on the eye after all.

The first few days after Butcher left seemed like an eternity. Y/n and Ben, which she now called him after a much heated argument, her telling him she wasn't gonna keep shouting Soldier Boy all the time. They managed to avoid each other as much as possible, their interactions limited to awkward greetings and fleeting glances. Y/n couldn't help but feel a mix of curiosity and unease whenever she caught glimpses of the man she was now responsible for. "Why don't you take a picture doll face, it will last longer" Ben said to her as he could feel her stare at him. Smiling to herself, she got her phone out and took it. He glared back at her as he heard the camera go off. He yanked the phone out of her hand "hey, you break it you will buy me a new one".

She watched in amusement as Ben studied the object in his hand. She knew she had to teach him about all the changes that had happened over the last 40 years he'd been "asleep".

He agreed reluctantly to let her show him all the new things like how smart TVs work, a laptop and obviously a mobile phone. He wasn't going to let on that he was enjoying spending time with her. Ben still had a lot of trust issues, he was let down by what was supposed to be 'his' team. Something in the back of his mind was telling him that he could trust y/n though.

Butcher had failed to mention to Soldier Boy that y/n was a supe just like him. Though to look at her you wouldn't tell she was one. Her frame was tiny although she was quite tall and she didn't have the muscle structure he had. Her powers were more to do with flexibility. If needed, y/n could squeeze herself into any small space or through the tiniest of gaps no one else could. Her bones were like elastic, making her able to bend into any shape she needed to.

Y/n, like Ben had been through a rough time. When Butcher found her she was so close to death he thought she would never make it. He didn't know of her powers until he took her to the hospital and they did all sorts of tests on her. Telling him she shouldn't have survived what she had endured and that it was a miracle she'd survived at all. It was then he asked starlight to do a little digging. He sent her a photo of y/n and asked if she could get info on her. Starlight found y/n's file at Vought HQ and told Butcher she was made into a supe. She was supposed to be a part of Homelander's team but she refused. Resulting in him torturing her endlessly till she caved, but she never did.

Nights were the hardest for y/n. Filled with restless sleep and vivid nightmares, she found herself tossing and turning, unable to find solace. And then one night, Ben heard her screams of distress. His instincts kicked in, and he rushed to her thinking she was being harmed.

Ben shook y/n awake, some concern etched on his weary face. Startled awake, she went into attack mode to begin with, but as soon as she realised it was Ben and looked into his eyes, in that moment something shifted. There was a connection between them, a spark that ignited a passion deep inside of her that she had never felt before.

Ben backed away from her as she regained her senses and breathing pattern. He stood in her doorway, staring at her. "Why don't you take a picture it will last longer" she shouted out at him making him laugh loudly. "What's so fucking funny Ben, You never seen someone having a nightmare before" she shouts at him, getting up from the bed ready to have yet another argument with the stubborn supe.

The air was thick with anticipation as Ben and Y/N exchanged smouldering glances across the room. What happened next surprised y/n. With only a couple of steps, Ben was right in front of her. His chest heaving as he tried to decide whether he wanted to fight her or kiss her. "What the fuck are you doing......." Before she could finish, his lips were attacking hers with a force that knocked her off her feet. His arms instinctively wrapped around her waist as she tried to fight the kiss. As much as she tried, she felt herself melting in his arms, kissing him back with as much force and passion he was giving to her.

The apartment became their steamy playground, each corner serving as a canvas for their passionate encounter. The living room became a shrine to their love, with every piece of furniture playing a role in their fiery dance. He practically threw her over the arm of the sofa, taking her from behind. Every drag of his cock sliding in and out of her pussy made her moan. Her walls pulsating and squeezing his penis tight.

After he finished with her on the sofa, y/n found herself pushed against the wall, her breath catching in her chest as Ben's hands roamed her body with urgency. His touch was electric, igniting a wildfire within her. She surrendered to him completely, allowing him to conquer her body in the most untamed ways. He grabbed her ass and lifted her up, her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, his erection thrusting into her hard and fast once again.

They moved them from one room to another, fuelled by a fierce hunger that knew no boundaries. The kitchen countertops bore witness to their unbridled passion, as ingredients and utensils were forgotten in favour of more sensual indulgences. Y/n took Ben in her mouth, sucking and licking the underside of his dick, taking him fully in her mouth almost gagging as he thrust deep into her throat, making his cum shoot down her esophagus.

The bathroom became a sanctuary of pleasure, steam masking their fervent exclamations. Water cascaded over their entwined bodies as they abandoned themselves to a raw desire, their moans echoing through the apartment like a symphony of ecstasy. Ben sunk to his knees, his face buried deep in her pussy, licking and sucking at her clit, his tongue plunging into her core.

With the bedroom as their final destination, their union intensified. The sheets twisted beneath their weight as they moved with a primal rhythm. The room became an arena for their love, sweat-slicked bodies colliding in a chorus of gasps and cries. With one final thrust and an orgasm that he thought would nearly kill her, Ben collapsed beside y/n. He looked over at y/n noticing the satiated look on her face "well, you've surprised me doll, didn't think you'd be able to take all of what I just did to you. I'm impressed" he said quite smugly.

Y/n rolled her eyes at him. She got out of the bed and tied her robe around herself "I see Butcher didn't tell you everything about me then" she said whilst not looking at him. Ben quirked an eyebrow at her as she turned round to face him. "I'm just like you Ben, I'm a supe". Ben shot up in the bed and crawled over to the side y/n was standing grabbing her waist "well yeah he kinda failed to mention that. Why didn't you tell me". He seemed annoyed and a little angry. Y/n's hand caressed his cheek pulling him in for a kiss "well you know now".

He pulled her back onto the bed and hovered over her "so, what's your super power then" he asked as he nipped at her neck and collarbone, "let's just say, I'm very, very flexible" Ben's head shot up to look at her face, a small smirk playing on her lips. "How flexible are we talking" he asked with a look on his face that gave y/n shivers "oh honey, you could bend me like a pretzel and it wouldn't hurt me" Ben growled at that comment and was ripping the robe from her body "shall we put it to the test then". For the rest of the night and into the early hours of the morning Ben had had y/n in every imaginable position he could think of.

TAGLIST: @k-slla @cevansbaby-dove @kaleldobrev @janineb86 @deans-daydream @alternativeprincess94 @nescavaneck @angelbabyyy99 @deadlydivergentgirl

[daughterofcain-67]

𝙾𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝙾𝚞𝚛 𝚃𝚒𝚖𝚎 (𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝)

(Soldier Boy x Female Reader)

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: after decades of silence, a group of vigilantes that call themselves FBI agents show up at your door looking for the weapon that killed Soldier Boy. But the truth is, you don’t fully believe he’s dead and you wonder if one day, your Ben will finally find his way back to you.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: canon violence, minor spoilers, explicit content such as gore, sexual implications. read at your own risk.

First Update: 01.19.24

Final Update: 03.18.24

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 1

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 2

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 3

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 4

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 5

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 6

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 7

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 8

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 9

𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚝 10 : 𝙴𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎

Tag List:

@deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373 @fanfic-n-tabulous @chriszgirl92 @hobby27 @nancymcl @globetrotter28 @jackles010378 @capricxnt @k-slla @angelbabyyy99 @david-tennant-obsessed-blog @deangirl96

[fooled-around-and-fell]

Already Broken

Summary: Soldier Boy fools around with someone that's supposed to be insignificant. But he finds himself more drawn than he could ever be.

Genre: romance, angst

Characters: Soldier Boy x female reader

WARNING: cursing, violence, smoking, mentions of weed, depictions of sex, mentions of abuse, character death, minors dni -- It's Soldier Boy, he is the warning.

a/n: this man.. I can't.

Masterlist

It didn't matter who he was.

You didn't care, as long as he showed up with the money or weed he promised.

"So, what time you get off today, darlin'?"

Ben sat in the booth, having his lunch where he always does -- the diner you worked at. It was small, grimy, but a local favorite.

"Soon, in about half an hour." You replied. "What do you want?"

He smirked. "You know what I want. Keep the change, I'll see you later tonight."

You first met Ben when he was saving your boss, the diner owner, from being robbed. That's mostly why he always eats at the diner, his payment for saving your boss was a free meal each day (though he leaves tips anyway).

After having you serve him, Ben didn't want anybody else. He would only ask for you, and that sparked your deal with him. In reality, it was just an opportunity for blackmail.

He caught you smoking in the back alley one time, and after threatening to spill the beans to your boss, he decided to keep your little secret. In exchange of your services -- after hours.

He'd come, fuck you over, and leave money. You took offense at first, but at this point you didn't care. It was money that you needed, and he fucked you good.

By the time you reached your apartment, Ben was already inside waiting for you.

"There's my sweet." He sighed in relief before spreading his legs and smirking, "Strip."

Rolling your eyes, you took off your clothes, showing him your naked body underneath the waitress uniform you had to wear.

"Mm, no underwear under that short skirt? Baby, you should've told me earlier." Ben stood up, circling around you, his breath right next to your ear. "Would've taken you right then and there."

You gulped, feeling his cold uniform touching your bare skin.

You know the rest.

------

Sometimes you wonder if what you're doing with Soldier Boy is worth it. Yes, he's charming, he has that je ne sais quoi factor, and God was he handsome. The only problem was that he's ruthless, and calling him a 'bad guy' was an understatement.

"You're scared of me." He stated the obvious while lying naked on your bed. "Why?"

"Are you really asking why?" You snorted as you put on some clothes. "You could literally snap my head off at any moment you like. That fact isn't exactly comforting."

He smiled, "Aw, but I won't do that. I like you, you're fun to keep around."

"Very reassuring."

He had stuck the money on the fridge with a magnet, like he always does. It still makes you feel bad, makes you feel like a whore, but you needed the money -- at this point, you are a whore.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

He frowned, a smile of disbelief on his face. "Usually you'd already be smoking by now."

"I can't." You said, "My brother's coming to visit and he's staying. I need to look like I have my shit together."

"Brother? I didn't know you had a brother."

You raised a brow. "Cause I don't need to tell you. Anyway, you can't come over for the next week."

It was his turn to raise a brow. "What do you mean I can't?"

"I can't have my brother look at me like this -- with obvious sex bruises."

"Sounds like you're even more scared of your brother than me." He joked, but when he saw the look in your eyes he started to wonder.

"Oh, you are scared of him."

"He's my brother." You swallowed thickly, grabbing yourself a glass of water. "He's just strict."

Ben looked at you for a minute before deciding to let the topic go. "Well, whoever he is, I'm still coming over. He can't stop me from getting my daily dose of addiction."

He left a kiss on your neck before leaving your apartment. "I'll see you soon, baby doll."

-------

Yes, you're scared of your brother.

It sounds silly, but when you were kids he used to hit you -- playfully at first, but then it got more serious. He called you names that he would disguise as playful and harmless, and you believed all he said.

That's why as you're picking him up, you're nervous as hell.

"Took you long enough."

"Hi to you too." You sighed, "Come on, my apartment's just down the block."

He handed you his bag and walked ahead. "Keep up, dumbass."

"Why are you here, anyway?"

"What, I can't visit my little sister?" He said in a 'loving' tone. "My friends are gonna hang. I'll just be here for a few days."

Thank God. You thought to yourself.

Your brother, Kyle, immediately went to your fridge to find some food.

"Help yourself..." you muttered.

"What did you say?" He frowned.

"Nothing," You sighed, dropping his bag on the couch while you cleaned up some dishes.

Kyle leaned against the counter. "Damn straight. You're starting to disrespect me. I should check in on you more often."

"I'm an adult, Kyle." You protested, "You don't need to protect me."

Big air quotes on protect.

"You're still my little sister." He sighed, "I don't want anything to happen to you."

For a moment there you felt like Kyle's changed. Maybe he's different now. Maybe he's no longer the ass-

"What the fuck?" Kyle squinted at the bruise he could see under your shirt. "Is that a fucking hickey?"

You pulled your shirt. "No, um, it's-"

"It is!" He scoffed, "God, I'm out there working my ass off and you're here just whoring around town? Jesus Christ."

"I'm not-"

"Get a real job, Y/N. Oh wait, sorry, you already have one -- being the community slut."

It was rage that you were feeling. Your hands were sweating, your heart was beating too fast for its own good, and your hand was holding a glass.

You did what you always do, breathe in and out. Count to ten. Don't let him get to you--

"Who the fuck would want you now? Worthless. Since the moment you were born."

Until that last comment somehow triggered your arm to swing and hit his head. The glass in your hand shattered into pieces when it hit his head, and Kyle was now lying on the ground, unconscious.

You weren't sure what happened -- no, you know exactly what happened.

Your hands were shaking while you tried to balance yourself.

What did you do?

How- why- shit-

"Shit."

You heard a familiar voice at the entrance of your apartment.

"Ben.. I-"

"Don't move." He said, warning you about the glass that was everywhere. Ben moved closer to Kyle, checking his pulse, though he knew the chances were slim. There was a big piece of glass that went through his skull.

"Is.. Is he?"

Ben stood up and covered you away from Kyle. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

"Ben, is he- is my brother.. I didn't mean to, I.. I couldn't.." You struggled with your words, chest heaving in panic because you realize what you'd just done.

Ben checked your hands for any cuts, but luckily they were small. "Don't look at him. Look at me. You're okay, alright? You don't need to explain to me what happened."

"But I-"

"Shh, it's okay." Ben pulled you into a hug, making sure you face away from Kyle's body.

It wasn't like Ben to act like this, to put someone else before him. He had no intentions to protect you, but the moment he saw the fear in your eyes, it was like instinct.

"Listen to me, here's what's gonna happen."

-------

Things moved fast. One moment you were picking up your brother, and now his body is being carried away to the morgue. Ben did all the talking to the police.

His story?

You're his secret girlfriend who has an abusive brother. When he arrived at your apartment he saw your brother hitting you in ways unimaginable. He did the only thing he knew how to.

The story wasn't a lie, except for the last part.

Ben wanted to protect you, but you knew damn well you killed your own brother. The guilt, the shame -- it was eating you up. And Ben could see it.

Ben managed to convince the authorities that you're too much in shock to speak, and he brought you back with him to his place.

"Hey," He called out softly, rubbing your back. "How are you holding up?"

He couldn't believe he's actually being nice, for once.

You sat on his bed and looked at him. "You're being nice to me."

He chuckled. "You just went through something traumatic. It's gonna take a while for you to get through it."

You mouth went dry.

"I.. I killed my brother."

"You were defending yourself."

"Against what? His words?" You scoffed, "He was yelling at me.. he was being fucking condescending and I just.. I lost it."

Ben reached for a blunt he casually had nearby and passed it to you.

"He was abusing you. Maybe not physically, but it doesn't matter. He's been doing that to you your entire life." He said. "If you ask me, it's about time he learnt his lesson."

"He's dead, Ben. He didn't learn anything."

The blunt was gone fast.

Ben stayed with you for the entire day, even though sometimes you didn't know what to say. Ben didn't know what to say either, he just knew he couldn't leave you alone.

At one point, Ben carried you to his bathroom. He ran a bath, made sure it was warm, and sat behind you, washing your hair.

"Why are you being nice?"

"You just went through something, sweetheart. I'm trying to take care of you."

You looked down. "I know, but you didn't have to. You could've just left me, watch me get arrested.. but instead you lied for me. You took the blame. Wait, what's gonna happen to you? Aren't you going to get in trouble?"

He chuckled, "Sweetheart, I'm Soldier Boy. I can do anything I want."

You turned to face him. It was the first time you saw his expression so gentle, so kind.

Ben let you rest your head on his chest while he rubs your fingers, knowing well that you could still feel the glass breaking in your hands. He couldn't handle you looking at him like that, it made him feel things.

"You know, I was alone when I got here." He started. "Everything was dark, I couldn't find my way. And then I met you, and.. I don't know, things just started falling into place."

"I didn't do anything though."

"That's the crazy part." He smiled, "You were just there. Whether I needed you or not, you're always there. Even if you only did it for the money, or the drugs, I don't care."

Ben didn't want to add any more to your plate. You've had quite the day. So he just held you and massaged your sore shoulders.

"Just stay and let me be here, alright? We'll figure out everything else tomorrow."

"..Alright."

[castielsgal]

Tough Love ❤️

[heavenlydevine]

SCREAM — SOLDIER BOY.

SUMMARY: In which your little soldier boy reminds you to whom you truly belong to.

FANDOM — THE BOYS.

PAIRING: BEN/SOLDIER BOY X FEM!READER + ASSUMED HOMELANDER X FEM!READER.

WARNINGS — Minors DNI. Language. Violence. Smut. Domination. Rough Sex. 18+.

Reblogs and reviews are much appreciated.

“Fuckin' take it, sweetheart. Let him fucking hear who you belong to…”

He wasn't perfect.

“Let him hear how good I make you feel.”

He was ruthless.

“Fuckin' knockoff thinks he can take what's mine…”

He was chaotic.

“I'll fuckin' show him. You're mine, you hear that? I ain't letting you go. Not now, not fuckin' ever.”

He was fucking brutal—and yet despite it all, you loved him all the same. A lingering, yet haunting voice echoed through your mind, nails digging into the firm flesh hovering above you, that you had never stopped loving him.

He was frighteningly beautiful.

“Fuckin' take it…”

You couldn't breathe—gasping for air as he took without question, wreaking havoc upon your trembling body with every snap of his hips, “Scream for him. Beg him to save you. I dare you, sweetheart.”

He wasn't the same.

Yes, he was still as arrogant as he has ever been. Yes, he was still a reckless womanizer with an appetite for chaos, and yet beneath it all, something hauntingly familiar laid beneath the surface—and it threatened to tear you apart. “Jesus,” teeth scraped across the tender flesh of your neck, his pace brutal and fast, “—how can you still be so fuckin' tight? His cock not big enough for you?”

You couldn't move—pain and pleasure ebbing together like the gentle flow of a river finally giving way to the chaotic waves of a roaring ocean, “Look at you, so drunk on my cock.” Fingers tangling in your hair, a pained gasp tore from your lips, “Like it a bit rough, don't you?”

Beard scraping against your cheeks, he places tender kisses all over your face, and something about this moment makes your heart flutter.

Possessive and dominating, your body shuddered, velvet walls contracting in a way that made him hiss, driving him deeper and deeper—a silent scream tumbled from your lips as the head of his cock finally hit a spot that made stars dance across your vision, legs trembling as you desperately sought to hold unto him. “Oh, right there?”

Slowly, deliberately, his thrusts turned into something more sensual, rolling his hips forward, driving you towards the depths of insanity, “Be a good girl and scream for me.”

You did exactly that—his hips now pistoning in and out of your moist cavern like a man drunk on ecstasy, his eyes ablaze with barely restrained rage, “Look at him and tell him who this pussy belongs to…”

You couldn't bring yourself to look at the bloodied form of your comrade, his entire body crumbling beneath the weight of his failure. Never before had you seen him look so utterly defeated, and yet you knew at that moment that there was nothing Homelander could do to save you from the absolute carnage that threatened to devour you.

Not that you needed him to save you, a haunting voice whispered, “Say my name…” He merely grunted against your neck, hoisting you against the wall as he continued to drive into you at a punishing pace, breasts rubbing painfully against his clothed chest, “—say it and I'll show you mercy.”

Nails digging into his neck as you desperately held onto him, a semblance of control washed over you as you murmured his name, his real name, “Ben…”

“What am I to you?” You could feel it coil deep within you, his hips erratic and sharp, “Look at me and tell me.”

Your lips slanted over his, moaning into his mouth as your senses heightened, hips rolling against him, his cock driving into you at such a velocity that it made you mewl, “You're my Ben. My little soldier boy….”

But he was anything but little, a fact of which he reminded you of when he easily lifted you higher, trembling legs wrapping around his waist—holding on a little longer, if only for a few minutes. “That's my girl. Cum for me.”

And without warning, you felt your entire world shatter around you as his fingers, dear God those fingers, ghosted across breasts, before slapping against your sensitive clit, rubbing it in slow circles, and then—he pinched.

“Take it. Let me fill this pretty pussy…”

And as he finally grunted against you, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh of your neck, you could barely register the absence of Homelander—too consumed with everything that was your little Soldier Boy.

“You've got another thing coming if you think I'm done with you.”

He was anything but little.

[herstarburststories]

Imagine you being the first person Soldier Boy goes after when he breaks out (Part 2)

Part 1. Soldier Boy x reader imagine after gif :)

“I missed you.”

Words that unveil the false martyr's marmoreal, simple words that undo his pose, making his masquers dissipate and his altar become just a lonely precipice. They take off his metaphorical cape and leave him naked of anything besides what he is; a person wrapped with just a human skin, begging to be touched tenderly.

Ben is no superhero like this, he's just a man. And Soldier Boy is no soldier like this, he's just a boy.

Therefore, you dare you come closer, to let your rationality in your pocket and touch him gently. Show him that's hands do not only bring violence.

“I missed you so much.”

SMACK.

Answer comes with a muffled noise, your back hitting the wall as a groan leaves your lips. Of course, he just knew how to answer love with brutality. He always fucked like he fought.

Soldier Boy's body is pressed against yours, his hands pinning your arms up your head. He wanted to make you feel surrounded on all sides, like a dear in hunting season. How could he act like this before years a part?! That's now how you fantasied this moment, where is all your sweet heart-lighted moments that delusion sold you?

His eyes emerald eyes hide the most wondrous forests, all that ferociousness and beauty of nature. There are no tears, not a glimpse of a sadness, even though you know that was his company for longer than you or any teammate.

His breathing isn't steady, despite his best efforts to look like he's in control. You can feel his erratic breathing like a new tattoo on your neck, and you bet his heart is racing even quicker.

His mouth darts open, and you close your eyes to enjoy his velvet voice as he speaks: “You betrayed me.”

“What?!” your fury builds up like a forest fire. How dare he to accuse you of that after so much suffering, after crying so many tears you could drown everyone in town with your woe? “Are you fucking crazy?”

He pushed you further against the wall. “You sold me to the Russians, you b—”

You didn't miss a second before placing your leg between his, purposely pressing against his crotch as a silent threat. No matter which time, Ben was always frightening to get his little friend hurt, a fucking slut. This always guarantee you advantage when the argument got heated.

“Open your stupid mouth one more time and call me that, I dare you.” you advised him, feeling his cock got semi-eretic. “Awe, little soldier still gets worked up when a girl tells him to get his head out of his ass, you fucking asshole?”

“Shut the fuck up. you know what I'm talking about!” He punched the spot near your head. You didn't blink, you didn't give him the satisfaction. His fist was closed as he glanced into yours eyes. “I loved you, and you sold me to the reds.”

“You loved to fuck me because I looked young enough to make you look good on tv, and old enough to be legal.” you spitted out. Your twisted relationship with him was always like this: fight and fuck, almost kill each other and suddenly a declaration of endless love. Drafting away just to be put together in no time. You two were a Roma ruin that devote kept building, but that kept falling back into pieces. So beautiful, so aching. A hoax of true love, as anything related to super. “If you loved me, you wouldn't think I betrayed you for fucking Russians. I'm more into English boys.”

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?” good ol' jealous always kept Soldier Boy on the line. All he ever craved was to thrive as #1 and make a home there. He wanted to be adored, and was terrified of people just deciding not to. Others needed food like he needed attention at all time. “You're mine, Y/N. Don't you joke about that.”

His jaw clenched as you observe him like a caveman does to the stars: marveled, scared, crazy for more. You missed him so much, even his untamed brutality dissipating into passion. It hurt so good when he was like this... You couldn't wait to maim him back.

You wouldn't just sit back and let him do whatever he wanted to you. You would strike back, always. You were trapped in that vicious circle, but you weren't gonna run alone in that hamster's wheel. You both would be the end of each other, simply because every action demanded a reaction. He could attack you all he wanted, but you would come at him back.

Soldier Boy taught you that people always forget how you loved them, but never how you hurt them. That's why you should always hit before you kiss.

“I don't know about that, Ben.” you licked your lips, watching how his eyes followed you. “You haven't fucked me in so long. I don't feel like yours anymore.”

He was quiet, although you could notice his body slightly shaking with all those emotions he was so used to translate to violence, like most boys. You knew Ben wouldn't have ears to the mere truth, so you had to be creative to get him to listen to you.

Problematic. Dangerous. Hurtful. Fun. Crazy. That was your cruel savior, and how being with him felt like.

“I don't fuck traitors.” he howled.

“Do I look Russian to you?” you growled back, moving your knee just enough to stroke his hardness slightly. Soldier Boy shut his eyes, leaning into your touch. “Not to mention that no one is a fuck as good as yours, why would I want to leave that?”

“A good fuck, huh?” he wasn't one to demonstrate a lot, but you knew what his questions endorsed. His remained with his eyes closed, as if he was scared to see your face when you answered.

It was good to know you could make him scared as much as he could to you.

“The best fuck,” you weren't giving in so easily. He started to move his hips, attempting to synchronize with your moves. Soldier Boy was dry humping your leg, thinking about how good it would feel to be inside you again. The best pussy he had ever had... Fuck, he could bet you were wet as a slut for him. He couldn't think straight when you behaved like this. “You know better than your paranoia, asshole.”

Did he? You weren't sure. But your Ben often put his dick before anything else, and you knew that one thing would never change: how much of a weak that false god-like being was towards you. Just as much as you were to him.

“I waited for you.” he stated, making you let out a giggle, not believing for a split of second. He surely had missed fucking you. His hand was still a first next to your head, a coward attempt to refrain you. You let your hand slide towards that toxic symbol, holding his wrist to put fist on your cheek— Ben pressed his knuckles there, his breathing becoming more irregular and he finally glanced into your eyes and.

And.

“Everyday. I waited for you everyday.”

His hands relaxes, no longer a fist: just open, like a man who begs to be given something. Which he was, in more ways than others. Soldier Boy puts his hand plastic on your cheek, stroking you so tenderly, almost like a dream. You can't help the lonely tear that paints your face— was it for the gentleness of the scene or all those by tears you were holding back since he showed up at your door like a madman? There's no right answer, both are blue and both hurt before the relief.

Ben tucks his head into your neck, smelling your fragrance as a soldier who clings back home after a war. And your heart breaks, always breaks when he's in the equation. Either because or for him.

“i waited for you all everyday to save me,” he punches the wall against in frustration, but doesn't pull away, his hops don't stop moving. He was always better talking about emotions this way. “They never came. You never came... I could understand them, but you? You were thenlove of my life, you were my war.”

“I still am, Soldier Boy,” you take his hand, sliding it on your skin, following a path that you know he's hungry for. His hand slides into your panties, and he places a kiss on your neck. “See how wet I am for you? I could never betray you.”

He scoffs, “You always get horny when you're scared, Y/N. That's why we always fucked after...”

“I didn't know you were alive.” You put it into words, because you knew he wouldn't stop his neuroses before you did. Two sneaky fingers slide inside you as his thumb presses to your clit and you want to scream, even though he's just starting. That's the touch you've craved for decades, those warm hands dirty with your wetness are where you'd die someday. “I would've come to you. I'd have killed anyone who stood in my way for you. If I knew you were alive, honey. I'd do anything for you.”

He raises his head, eyes locked with yours as he says:

“I... I missed you too.”

Nietzsche said that you should be careful when loving a monster, or else you could become just like him. Perhaps he was right, you certainly see more of a scorpion than s butterfly in you since you fell in love — and this is the actual fall, not the ross-colored version that most people go through. That's a fall with a crash and broken bones that never heal, so you never leave the place you tripped and plopped on, better call it love than see it for what it truly is, codependency or a disease whatever. Love reads better on the headlines, just like Starlander, which was still on the television just a couple steps away.

So yes, he was right about loving monster and becoming a little too much as them. Still, you also turn them like you. When you love a monster, you keep a little of monster inside your chest. Yet, when a monster loves you... When you love a monster like this, you can make him a little human too. Or so you like to believe.

Did you like it? Comment and reblog! It helps me to know you want more The Boys content. Taglist on reblog.

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters fluctuate between past and present, beginning in 1934. SPOILERS FOR THE BOYS S3

Chapter 1: You Shouldn't Have Answered the Door

Chapter 2: Late Night Visitor

Chapter 3: Summer Has to End Someday

Chapter 4: It's My Party and I'll Eat Cake If I Want To

Chapter 5: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Chapter 6: Batter Up

Chapter 7: Are We Old Friends Or Old Enemies?

Chapter 8: Jealousy Doesn't Look Good On Anybody Except...

Chapter 9: Wedding Bells or Gong of Destruction?

Chapter 10: How Did It End Up Like This?

Chapter 11: I Can't Think With You Yelling At Me!

Chapter 12: My Heart Is Beating For You Constantly

Chapter 13: You Made A Plaything Out of Romance

Chapter 14: You're All I'm Dreaming Of

Chapter 15: What Do You Know About Love?

Chapter 16: Coming Soon!

Last Updated: 04/28/2024

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If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303 @deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs @bughill126, @simplyfixated @sleepjam, @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts,@onlyangel-444 @lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan @marvel-mistress @my-obsession-spn @lifeonawhim @soldirboy @liuope @brynanna @abramswife @xxannyxx @babyinatrench-coat1 @the-gentle-spirit

(Photos on mood board from Pinterest)

[anundyingfidelity]

if yall want to know me 😗

[soldirboy]

[tom-whore-dleston]

Denial and Devotion

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x f. reader

Word Count: 880

This fic contains: preludes to smut, implied smut, amnesia, mentions of squirting and fingering, reader was a Soldier Boy fangirl (like me fr xD), toxic celebrity culture?

Summary: You are in denial that you slept with the Supe you used to crush on.

Notes: I'm just a girl that writes Soldier Boy fanfic at 2am knowing damn well I have work at 9am flksdghk this gif replays in my brain every waking moment of the day I literally hate how hot he is >:( This is my weekly contribution to @flashfictionfridayofficial’s prompt no. 241: Hour of Denial

The moment you rose from your slumber, you knew something was wrong. First off, you woke up in a room that you did not recognize. Then, you realized the cotton sheets of the unfamiliar bed clung close to your bare skin as if you had slept in it before. 

You attempted to lift yourself out the bed, but your muscles were weak, soreness more prominent in your hips and thighs. As you winced in discomfort, your eyes widened upon the discolored love bites scattered over your body. Your eyes finally glanced to the opposite side of the bed, only to discover the person occupying it was none other than Soldier Boy.

When you were younger, Soldier Boy was your first crush. At the time, he was presumed dead, but your father would tell you stories about how he was one of the greatest superheroes to ever live. Your childhood room was covered in Soldier Boy posters and you had a doll of him that never left the box. As you got older, you conducted more research on the man you worshiped, but eventually learned that he was a monster in a superhero costume. As a result, you ripped the posters to shreds and finessed some cash off the doll in hopes to erase any trace of your Soldier Boy phase. 

You stared in disbelief at the same man that lay peacefully asleep. Your mind raced with questions. The only logical answer to all of them was that you were dreaming. To test the theory, you pinched your forearm as hard as you could. After cursing from the pain, you tried another method by poking Soldier Boy in his meaty bicep. Without fluttering his eyes open, he grunted in annoyance and rolled over. 

If your head wasn’t already spinning, it definitely was at this very moment. You slithered out of the bed, making sure not to disturb the sleeping man, and frantically searched for your clothes. In a hurried attempt, you shimmied back into your little black dress from the night before. Regardless of whether this was all a dream or not, you silently vowed that you are remaining sober for the rest of the month. 

“Where you going so fast, sweetheart?” You turned toward the groggy voice that belonged to Soldier Boy, who was propped up against the bed frame with his muscular torso in view. It felt as if no time had passed since the beginning stages of your devotion to Soldier Boy. Your eyes scanned over his physique with a hunger that only he could satisfy. Heat radiated your body and you stood paralyzed in your unzipped dress, leaving enough uncovered for his imagination to run wild.

As Soldier Boy hopped out of bed, you swiftly turned away as his thick cock unveiled from the thin sheets. He began walking towards you, but you ignored him by fiddling with the zipper on your back. You grew frustrated with the zipper’s defiance the closer the beefy supe inched towards you. His intense stare begged for your attention until he took matters into his own hands by lifting your chin up to his gaze. Your heart pounded against your chest as his green eyes studied your face. Except there was no studying necessary.

“I’m a little embarrassed by this,” you laughed nervously, “but I don’t remember anything from last night.”

Soldier Boy smirked. “Want me to give you a reminder?”

“Oh, that won’t be necessary.” You paused. You may not have been as infatuated with the supe as much as you once were, but you didn’t want to come off as rude. “I mean…I’m sure last night was great but I shouldn’t impose-“

“Great? Well if you define squirting on my fingers and cock until you begged me to stop as great then maybe I gotta fuck you harder.” 

You were about to let out a moan, but quickly masked it with a sigh. Every part of you wanted to hate him but the ache in between your legs betrayed your voice of reason.

“You can play the ex-fangirl game all you want, but you and I know you never truly get over your first crush.” There wasn’t a more pathetic feeling than regressing back into that naive girl who treated a flawed superhero like a god. 

Suddenly, your back hit the wall and Soldier Boy towered over you, his arm the only thing keeping him from pressing you against the wall to grind into your core. His free hand hooked under the strap of your dress, slowly pulling it off your shoulder. As the dress pooled around your feet, he lightly kissed the crook of your neck, electricity coursing your blood as his beard pricked your skin.

His hot breath fanned over your ear. “There’s no need to deny me anymore, sweetheart. I’m here for you to worship and fulfill all your pretty little fantasies.”

Fuck it.

All your common sense flew out the window as you desperately smashed your lips against his. Gripping your wrists, he pinned you against the wall before grinding his semi hard cock against your wet pussy. 

Soldier Boy may have been the biggest pain in your ass, literally and figuratively, but he was right about you never fully recovering from your first crush.

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header credit: @saradika | divider credit: @firefly-in-darkness

[jackles010378]

So, I finished my first Soldier Boy fic 😵‍💫 slightly nervous about posting it so I'm gonna read through it a few more times before I'm ready to post it (maybe tomorrow (7th)) 💚💚 thanks for your patience 😊

Meanwhile enjoy some GIFs of him instead, just to get you in the mood ❤️‍🔥🔥

TAGLIST: @k-slla @cevansbaby-dove @kaleldobrev @janineb86 @deans-daydream @alternativeprincess94 @nescavaneck @angelbabyyy99 @deadlydivergentgirl