Top 10 Representatives (2023)
This post is for 'Top 10 Representatives' I'd like to fuck and is purely based on appearance, not politics. If you don't agree, either scroll onwards, post your own idea or try another blog.
10. Rep. Jerry Carl (R-AL 1st District)
An American politician and businessman serving as the U.S. Representative for Alabama’s 1st congressional district since 2021. Nothing to base this on, but Jerry looks like he could be had, if offered… THE DICK.
9. Rep. John Carter (R-TX 31st District)
Damn… they grow them hot in Texas. The U.S. Representative for Texas’s 31st congressional district, serving since 2003. Nicknamed Judge, Carter is falls in my ‘loves to fuck’ theory and he does look like he loves to fuck.
8. Rep. James Comer (R-KY 1st District)
An American politician from the Commonwealth of Kentucky who currently represents the state’s 1st congressional district in the United States House of Representatives. Something tells me he could be a great cocksucker. Just look at those lips. What? I’m not saying he is… just that he could be and I'd love to find out.
7. Rep. Jim Baird (R-IN 4th District)
An American businessman and politician serving as the U.S. representative for Indiana’s 6th congressional district since 2019. The best looking Pence brother from his silver hair, down to his nice legs and his various shoes.
6. Rep. Ken Calvert (R-CA 41st District)
An American businessman and politician serving as the U.S. representative for California's 41st congressional district. Married young divorced not long after, no new wife or lady friend that I could find. He has a cute little dog he dresses up and carries around with him all the time. I might be projecting, but I think my chances are high with this one.
5. Greg Pence (R-IN 6th District)
An American businessman and politician serving as the U.S. representative for Indiana’s 6th congressional district since 2019. The best looking Pence brother from his silver hair, down to his nice legs and his various shoes.
4. Jeff Duncan (R-SC 3rd District)
An American politician who has been the United States representative for South Carolina's 3rd congressional district since 2011. Well, all I can say is this man is almost perfect for me. Why not perfect? He's not naked and in my bed with my jizz all over him. What? Then he’d be perfect.
3. Rep. Glenn Thompson (R-PA 15th District)
An American politician serving as the U.S. representative for Pennsylvania's 15th congressional district since 2019. Nice and manly, he looks like he would be a champion in bed.
2. Rep. Don Bacon (R-NE 2nd District)
An American politician and retired military officer serving as the U.S. representative for Nebraska's 2nd congressional district since 2017. Handsome, nice tits and body. This man is husband material. Better yet, trophy husband material. The type of guy you can walk into a room with him on your arm, telling everyone “Yeah… I’m fucking this.”
1. Rep. Mike Bost (R-IL 12th District)
An American politician. This man is almost perfect. The only thing wrong with him is that he isn’t in my bed. Nice build, nice dresser and a very handsome face.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-CA 20th District)
Rep. Mike Rogers (R-AL 3rd District)
Rep. Steny Hoyer (D-MD 5th District)
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Dracula Daily post anyone ?
So I found out yesterday there is a recent Fright Night novel, aptly dubbed Fright Night: Origins, which was written by the OG films creator, Tom Holland (yeah, the name threw me off when I remembered it too) making it 100% canon to the original movie.
In it, Vlad the Impaler is featured in connection to Jerry Dandridge's (or "Gellert") backstory. The novel is recent so I won't go too much into this. It is also the first of a trilogy expanding on Fright Night’s universe, with an upcoming movie following the original in the works.
What some of you may not know is that another 80's vampire prequel uses Vlad, this time as the main antagonist. A prequel to The Lost Boys, also dubbed Origins, covering the origins of the titular vampires. A full script was written in the 90's, but never went into production.
TLDR ? Count All-But-Stated-To-Be-Dracula was the vampire who turned and corrupted David and his gang; plotted to take over the country, only to be killed by David after causing his love interest to commit suicide. The Count's brother steps in and took over Santa Carla...only to run a video store by 1987.
I bring this up, just to point out there's two 80's vampire movie prequels out there, that tie Dracula to the villains of the original movies.
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Dollar Bin #2:
Jerry Jeff Walker's Viva Terlingua!
There are certain truths we hold as self evident. Anyone who ever takes their valuable time to read the nonsense in this blog knows that Blood on the Tracks and Damn the Torpedoes belong in every middle aged white guy's record collection. Similarly, they know that Eric Clapton, post Cream, is not worth listening to and that you are better off never having seen Van Morrison live in my lifetime, and I'm older than you. It's easy to know the truth. Neil Young has no faults, unless you wind up marrying him. Beer is good for me.
This second installment of the Record Bin makes the case for a lesser known truth: Jerry Jeff Walker deserves intentional, honored space in your very own dollar bin. Indeed, he deserves to take up significant quality time in your life! We'll use his best known record, Viva Terlingua!, as our basis of proof.
But first, if you don't already have its perfectly shambolic opening notes running in your head, give a listen:
Walker tells us exactly what we need to know in that opening riff and his "Ahhhh..... Buckeroos": we are mid-story already; he's just back from a smoke break in the pig pen and he's picking up where he left off, sliding some seemingly insignificant musings at us and his anxious producer Mike, musings which actually contain the meaning of life, at least according to Jerry Jeff.
This whole record sounds like a legendary party we are forever sad to have missed. Come to the end of the record and you'll wish the party would keep going - and then it does keep going, with the band diving back into yet another chorus of London Homesick Blues. Are these people still drunk?
I don't know about you but other music which strives to conjure up a live drunken hoedown - I'm thinking of Rainy Day Woman and the frat boy early take of Madame George - always sound a little sinister. Getting stoned, as in rocks being thrown at you, doesn't sound fun no matter how much those Nashville Cats scream, nor does getting raided by transphobic cops. But I'm forever fired up about the party inside Viva Terlingua. Burritos! Tacos! Everclear!
Not even The Basement Tapes sound like this much fun to me. Sure, I'd love find myself in Big Pink, making shit up with Bob during I'm Your Teenage Prayer. But while we were at it, I'd have to keep an anxious eye on Richard Manuel, knowing the doom that lies in his/our future. No so with Viva Terlingua: transport me back to Luckenbach, Texas in August 1973 and I'd get drunker than I did on car bombs at my famous brother's (https://doomandgloomfromthetomb.tumblr.com/) wedding. I'd remember every glorious moment of that night with Jerry Jeff for the rest of my life.
But let's talk about Jerry Jeff's singing. Van Morrison is my favorite screamer and Sandy Denny is the best singer in the history of white people, but who else can turn their own voice-crack into joyful art? Catch Jerry at the end of Sangria Wine: Woah-OH!-oh-oh-oh, he LOVES sangria wine. Jerry shows us just how high you can get on the stuff, his voice staggering with joy. It's not beautiful; it's awesome.
The voice-crack, I declare, is a vital ingredient to a lot of the best manrock from the 70's. It's a big part of Kristofferson's whole wonderful shtick, and I'd argue that one of the big reasons why we all love hanging out in the Ditch with Neil is because he falls apart vocally while telling us he's a vampire or while describing the sun climbing his hood ornament. Sure, Richard Thompson has shown us since the 80's that he is well poised to voice a cartoon British lion in a musical remake of Robin Hood, but I prefer him when he's searching for notes he'll never find on his first record. Apparently his song Mary and Joseph from that outing is too bizarre and off tune to even merit existence on youtube, otherwise it would appear below this sentence. But trust me, it features some Jerry Jeff level voice-cracks.
While we are at it, the voice-crack seems to be missing from modern music: a problem! Jeff Tweedy reaches for one on occasion, I suppose, and Adele has taken over for Sarah McGlachlan, turning them into graceful beauty. But who's out there Bob Pollarding themselves from amateurism to epic in one wild ride of a syllable?
Don't be fooled, however: Viva Terlingua is far more than just a jubilant rager. The songwriting and arrangements are discreetly brilliant: everyone sounds drunk, and maybe they really are, but they worked their asses off to get things straight beforehand.
Let's start with the second track, Desperadoes Waiting For A Train. Walker had already introduced the world to the relatively unknown Guy Clark with his cover of LA Freeway a few years before but Clark's Desperadoes is on a whole other level. It's the kind of song that leaves you wondering what else a songwriter could possibly have left to say afterwards about their own biography. Write a song like Desperadoes and there can't be much more in the tank. Name another song that is convincingly about the love between a boy and his grandma's drunk boyfriend. Can't be done. Find me another song that's half as sad and sweetly funny at the same time, or that's so straight-forward and concise in its story telling, yet cryptically elusive in its chorus. How are this kid called Sidekick and the weeping old man who is teaching him how to drive like Desperadoes Waiting For a Train? I don't know, but they are, and it's awesome.
The whole thing is a master class in song lyrics as far as I'm concerned, standing alongside Paul Simon's Hearts and Bones and Kristofferson's Sunday Morning Coming Down as songs that tell you exactly what you need to know about a relationship or person through surprising, crystalline imagery. They are perfect short stories.
And Walker owns the track, mournfully and righteously working through each stage of the boy's unique relationship with that driller of oil wells, that old school man of the world. Walker can flat out sing, and the slower the beat, the deeper and more aching he becomes.
Somehow, even though he was capable of writing a transcendent song like Mr Bojangles, Walker is often at his best when singing other people's songs. He doesn't cover them, he recreates them, a la our beloved late Sinead O'Connor. Check out Walker's version of One Too Many Mornings from Viva Terlingua's sequel of sorts, A Man Must Carry On. Jerry Jeff writes his own damn verse!
Finally, how about his amazing band. Take one of the album's lesser tracks, Get it Out. Leading into the bridge an organ surges, then backs off; no player on this record claims their own space for more than a perfect moment. Instead, they pass around leadership with as much care as a shared bottle of the good stuff among thoughtful friends. Later in the bridge all the players rest together and let Jerry ad his choir of drunken angels dive into some CSNish do do do dos. Together they make the blog's favorite villain, Stephen Stills, and his dopey band mates sound like they'll never even get the chance to love the one their with because everyone out there would rather get it on with Jerry and his crew.
Anyway, go and get your own copy of this record. I've bought not one, but three copies of Viva Terlingua in my life: the first for $12, which skips, the second for $5, which skips, and a final one, with full exasperation, for $1, which.... doesn't skip! Why, oh why, do I ever look outside the dollar bin?
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