#jesus christ. thank god i'm normal now please do ignore any insane shit from my past. thank yuo ❤️

[kisiselintihar]

This reminds me of my skk times. which i will not talk about. on account of what the fuck

[abarbaricyalp]

Idk if you are still taking prompts, but you know the vine two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're not gay, and a girl quoting it in a park about two girls in the distance and one of them hearing and going "Actually I am gay" Like that scenario, only involving them fixing the boat? Maybe Sarah quoting it to give Sam shit when she thinks Bucky cant hear and Bucky goes "Wait, no I'm gay" or something, or just the general gist of that. Sorry if this us too specific, I've never sent anyone a prompt before :P

Hello Friend! Thank you so much for sending anything in at all! I know the vine you're talking about, but I couldn't find it on Youtube. (I did find a two day rabbit hole of old compilations though) This was also my first foray into writing Sarah as a fully fleshed character! I was excited to get the practice 'cause I had an idea bouncing around in my head about her and Bucky talking after he wakes up in the Wilson house. I kept her a little more like she had been in my other fics pre-show here. I so wish we got a little more of her!

Feel free, anyone, to send me Sambucky prompts!

The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation

Sarah Wilson loved her brother deeply. The kind of soul crushing love that could only be formed through family, loss, and approximately four thousand brawls around the living room throughout their life. She looked up to her brother more than she could ever imagine looking up to anyone. Even when they were fighting or picking on each other, she couldn’t help but feel a swell in her chest when he came into her line of sight.

That didn’t mean she understood him. In fact, from the age of eight, watching her brother interact with the world had become her go-to pastime. Why did he have to roll every pea around the plate individually before eating them? Why did he and his friends spend seven years socking each other in the arm to prove friendship? Why did he talk to himself in the mirror, even when he knew Sarah or someone else was standing in the doorway?

Sam Wilson was just deeply weird. She had no idea how he had tricked the Avengers, a plethora of bad guys, and half of the media world into thinking he was remotely cool. She saw a news story once that had King T’Challa standing on a platform with Sam and the newscasters talked about how impressive Sam’s suit was. It was unnatural, the effect he had on people.

And in all her years, she never thought she’d see anyone weirder than Sam. But then James Barnes had showed up. It was like a complete reversal of Sam. Sarah was taken in for approximately three hours by his charm and face before she realized he too was deeply, deeply weird.

She justified sitting on the edge of the Paul and Darlene, watching her brother and James Barnes spar off about some dumb trivia fact, by deciding it was an anthropological expedition. The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation. She watched Sam watch Barnes take a long pull off his beer. She watched Barnes kick his feet up near Sam’s legs and then draw them back quickly when a current jolted the boat. She watched Barnes’ fingers tap-tap-tap against the edge of the boat, inching closer to Sam’s shoulder before he chickened out and brought his hand back to his own lap. She watched Sam suggest Bucky take his jacket off, ‘unless you plan on sun blinding me with the robocop arm.’ She watched Sam look away when Barnes did shrug his jacket off.

When she was seventeen and Sam was fifteen, she had found Sam crying in his room, pillow pressed to his face to muffle the noise. They were at the age where going into each other’s rooms uninvited started international conflicts, but Sarah, who watched her brother intently, felt like she knew what was going on. So she let herself in through their Jack-and-Jill bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Sam didn’t stop crying, not even to yell at her to get out, so she sat on the end of his bed and rolled a baseball under her foot for a while. Finally, she’d said, “You don’t have to tell Mom and Dad, y’know.”

Sam had just about wailed and bit the corner of his pillow to stop himself.

“That’s gross, stop it,” Sarah ordered and pushed Sam’s shoulder back enough to yank his pillow free and then reached over to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I should make you do the laundry this week so I know I’m not touching your snot germs,” she teased softly.

“How did you know?” Sam hiccuped out. Tears were still brimming at his eyes, but they didn’t fall.

“I’m your older sister. I made you. Like a doll. You think there’s something about you that I don’t know?” she joked. And when the tears did spill over his long lashes, she sighed and pulled him closer to her side. “I just know the way you interact with that boy from the basketball team ain’t just friendly.”

“Jesus, do you think he can tell?” Sam asked and she could hear the mortification in his voice.

“Sam, he’s a freshman in high school. The only thing he knows is that he’s scared of everything too. No one’s paying that much attention to you.”

“Screw you,” Sam muttered.

“What’re all these tears for you if you didn’t make a move and get shot down?”

“God, Sarah, can you not say things like that?”

“Watch your mouth,” Sarah warned with no heat in her voice. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. I’m not leaving until you do.”

“I just…” Sam sat up and worked his jaw for a while. His chin dimpled and his eyes watered but he managed to control himself. “I’m scared, Sarah. I’m scared of never being in love. Of having to leave if I am. I’m scared to say something and I’m scared not to say something. I’m so scared of...losing any of it.”

“Sam,” Sarah sighed and pulled Sam into another hug. “You’re fifteen. You’re not supposed to be in love yet. You don’t have to think about any of that. You just have to focus on passing Geometry, alright? Mom’ll whoop your ass more for failing than anything else.”

“I have a B+, that’s not failing!” Sam snapped. He kept his face against her shoulder for a second long before he sat up and wiped his tears away. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Who am I gonna tell? I told you, my friends don’t like you as much as you think they do.”

“Your friends like me more than they like you,” Sam shot back and he almost sounded normal.

Sarah smiled softly and patted Sam’s cheek. “I won’t tell Mom or Dad. Of course not. That’s for you to do. But--”

“I’m always going to tell them when you sneak out the window.”

“No! Sam! You can’t! You owe me now!”

“Going to field parties is not the same thing!” Sam said in a shriek as Sarah leaned over to pinch his sides. They grappled for a second before Sam managed to push Sarah off the bed.

“You owe me,” she reminded him as she walked back to the bathroom.

Sam wiped his eyes again and nodded. “Sure, Sarah. I do.”

Sam almost had the same look on his face now. Like there was something he wanted to reach for that he thought was too impossible to hold. The Older Sister Instinct to Antagonize into a Solution kicked in.

“Two bros, chilling on a boat, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay,” she sing-songed. Sam looked mortified again but masked his face into something more irritated with a roll of his eyes when Barnes looked over at him.

“Ignore her. It’s this old video--” Sam started.

But Bucky interrupted to say, “Actually I am gay,” as he looked back over at Sarah. “Sorry if I got your hopes up,” he added with a grin that really did get the hopes up.

“What?” Sam asked and Sarah, ever watchful, could see the beer bottle shaking in his hand.

“What?” Bucky repeated innocently.

“He said he’s gay,” Sarah clarified.

“Thank you, Sarah,” Sam ground out. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Bucky snorted. “When would I have said anything? ‘Sorry for ripping your wings off and kicking you off of a hellicarrier, by the way I’m gay.’?”

“You did what?” Sarah asked.

“‘Sorry for claiming I didn’t bomb the UN only to be reverted back to the assassin who would have done that and then fighting you again. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Thanks for saving my life. Sorry about the giant undersea prison. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘There’s an imminent battle with weird ass space dogs that want to eat our faces. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Sorry about Tony Stark, whose life I kind of ruined. Lovely funeral. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘I’m in the middle of being pissed at you about the Shield. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Maybe don’t take me rolling through a field of flowers. It does things to me ‘cause I’m gay.’ ‘John Walker’s fucking insane. I’m gay, but definitely not for this bullshit.’ I mean, come on, Sam.”

“Flowers?” Sarah asked.

“Besides, why would you care? I don’t make it a habit of telling straight guys I’m into guys.”

“You don’t seem to make a habit of telling many people that,” Sarah pointed out. “I googled you. Nothing suggesting that came up.”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m a guy from the 30s. It was trained out of me.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sarah said quickly. “Back up away from that because we’re not gonna try to Oppression Olympics our way through our histories. Did you just say Sam was straight?”

“Sarah!” Sam hissed.

“Sure. I mean, I saw him with Romanov. Hill. He has Tinder on his phone.”

“Samuel Thomas, you better not,” Sarah warned lightly. “You’re better than that.”

“He’s a lady-killer.”

Sarah snorted and had to bring her hand up to her face. “He definitely is not. There has been no lady-killing on his end for a long time.”

“Sarah!” Sam tried again.

“You explain it to him then. Mr. 30s is gonna need the long way round explanation.”

Sam sighed and dragged his hand over his face. “Dammit. Fine. I’m not straight either, alright? I’m...bi, or something. It’s been a while since I’ve had to think about it.”

“What?” Bucky asked, not unlike Sam had.

“He said he’s bisexual. Interested in both parties. Swings either way. Hit a homerun and then hasn’t really swung since.”

“Sarah, Jesus Christ,” Sam groaned.

“What?” Bucky asked again.

“I was engaged. To a man,” Sam said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky asked, clearly missing the irony.

“Oh, it was inconvenient for you but I had plenty of opportunities, huh?” Sam asked. “Ms. Tell-It-All over there wasn’t joking. I haven’t swung any direction in a while. Not since before I met Steve. My fiance died. And then it never came up.”

Bucky blinked at Sam. He kept bringing the bottle halfway up his body and then setting it back on his leg without ever taking a drink. “Fuck, Sam, I’m sorry,” Bucky said, which was not what Sarah was expecting and it clearly wasn’t what Sam was expecting because Sam finally moved closer to Bucky on the bench.

“What for? You didn’t do anything. This time.”

“Yeah, but if I’d known you were into me too, I woulda kissed you in Germany.”

“Oh, I am so not into you,” Sam denied. “And I wouldn’t have our first kiss ruined by immediately running into the government’s roving show monkey.”

“That’s the worst,” Bucky agreed and also finally moved over on the bench until they were pressed thigh to thigh. “Tell me how much you don’t like me again,” he challenged.

“I can’t stand you,” Sam answered and brought his hand up to Bucky’s jaw.

Sarah couldn’t fight down the grin that came to her face and turned to prop her feet on the pier, back to Sam and Bucky. Just this once, she didn’t need to watch her brother to understand him.

Read on AO3 here!

[moistmailman]

House Wife AU part 5

*Halloween Night*

Pyrrha, wearing a cowboy costume: *handing out candy* Oh my goodness, what are you supposed to be, sweetie?

Little boy, happily: I’m an astwonaut!

Pyrrha, giggling: Well you have to be the cutest little astronaut ever. Here you go. *puts candy in bag.

Boy's parents: What do you say to the nice lady?

Little boy: Thank you, nice lady.

Pyrrha, smiling sweetly: You’re welcome, sweetie. Have a happy Halloween! *shuts door and yells towards her stairs* Hey kids! Are you guys almost ready for trick or treating?

Troy’s voice, from up stairs: Yeah hold on! Almost done!

Pyrrha: Please hurry! Uncle Roman and Mercury should be here any minute no—

*Door bell rings*

Pyrrha, grabbing bowl of candy: Ope, more trick or treaters. *opens door* Happy Halloween!

Roman, chuckling: Oooh, we get candy too?

Mercury: And here I thought this holiday was only for kids.

Pyrrha, chuckling: Oh, it’s you two. I’m sorry. I thought you guys were trick or treaters. Please, come in. The kids are getting ready.

Mercury, walking in: So, are the kiddos excited to go trick or treating?

Pyrrha, smiling: They sure are. They been waiting all year for this. They were too excited to go to sleep last night actually. They were too busy talking about how much candy they were going to get. It was adorable.

Roman, smiling: Yeah, I'm sure it was. So, where’s Cindie?

Pyrrha, frowning: Hmm? She should be around here somewhere. Where is she? Hey sweetheart, come here! Roman and Mercury are here!

Cinder’s voice, sighing in the other room: Hold on! Just....give a minute.

Mercury, raising an eyebrow: What’s wrong with her?

Pyrrha, smiling: Oh nothing. Our kids’ picked our costumes and she’s....she’s not the biggest fan of hers.

Roman: Oh really? How bad is it?

Pyrrha: It’s not even bad. She’s just being a little grump. Cinder, sweetheart, are you coming?

Cinder’s voice, approaching: Yeah, hold on! I’m on my way.

*Suddenly Cinder grudgingly walks through the door with a Bo Peep costume on, including the pink polkadotted dress, hat, and even cane*

Cinder, scowling:...........

Roman/Mercury:........*snorts laughter*

Cinder, glaring: You shut your god damn mouths!

Mercury, laughing: Nice costume. Where's your other toy friends?

Cinder, gritting her teeth: Shut up.

Roman, laughing: Are you trying out a new look or something? It really suits you.

Cinder: I swear to God I will fucking shove my foo—

Pyrrha: Hey, language. Just calm down and ignore them, okay? Besides, I think you look really cute in that costume anyway. *kisses her* You're my cute Bo Peep.

Cinder, sighing: Where are the kids?

Pyrrha, smiling: They should be coming down. *Yells towards the stairs* Hey kids! Come down, uncle Roman and Mercury are here!

*Loud footsteps are heard*

Achilles’s voice: COMING!

*Achilles and Troy excitedly run down stairs in sheep costumes*

Pyrrha, cooing: Aww, look how precious you two look. You’re my two little precious lambs. *kisses their heads*

Mercury: So, I see there’s a theme going on.

Pyrrha, smiling: Yeah, they just saw toy story last week and loved it. So they picked our costumes and we picked theirs. *Cooing* And I'm honestly so happy I picked these costumes, but they are absolutely adorable, I swear. Whose mommy's little lambs? *Kisses their heads a bunch againi

Achilles: Mooom! You're embarrassing us!

Pyrrha, punching Achilles cheek: Oh nonsense. There's nothing embarrassing about a mother's love. Now scoot together so I can't take some pictures.

*Pyrrha snaps a bunch of pictures of her kids, while slightly getting teary eyed and mumbling about her "precious lambs"*

Roman, crouching down: So are you kiddos ready for trick or treating?

Achilles, jumping: Heck yeah I am!

Troy, shaming with excitement: I can’t wait! We are going to get so much candy!

Mercury: You got that right! We marked all the rich people’s house that give the best candy out! So your bags are going to be packed!

Achilles: Yes! I can’t wait!

Troy: Lets Go!

Cinder: Hold on, guys. Let me have a word with your 'uncles' real quick. Comm’ere for a minute, you two.

Mercury, sighing: Oh great.

Roman, sighing: Just give us a minute kids. This won’t take long.

*Cinder escorts Mercury and Roman to the living room privately*

Cinder, deadly serious: I just want to tell you guys that if you lose our kids, or if ANYTHING happens to them, I’ll kill you both.

Roman, rolling his eyes: Yeah Yeah, I know.

Cinder: I’m serious. I will kill you both with no hesitation at all. No matter how far you run, and where you hide, I will find and slaughter you both like the dogs you are.

Mercury, groaning: We know already. You literally tell us this each time we baby sit them at all.

Cinder, growling: And I mean it each and everytime too. Don’t let them out of your sights, or so help me god I’ll—

Roman, rolling his eyes: Kill us, we got it. Can we go now?

Cinder: Yeah. Get out of here. And don’t make me regret letting you do this.

Roman, smiling: Right. See you around, farmer’s daughter.

Cinder: Dont you fucking call me th—

Roman, leaving with the kids: Let’s go guys. Say bye bye to your mommies.

Troy/Achilles, waving: Bye bye!

Pyrrha, smiling and waving: Goodbye, we love you! Have fun and be safe!

Roman, waving: We will. See you later.

Pyrrha, smiling: Well the kids are gone now. So you know what that means we can do finally~

Cinder, smiling: Oh most definitely.

Pyrrha: Time to watch a bunch of bad horror movies!

Cinder, chuckling: Yep! Ill make the popcorn! Let's go!

*hours later*

Roman, walking down the street: Man, I can’t believe that Cindie doesn’t fully trust us with the kiddos yet.

Mercury: I know right. I mean, we’re great babysitters.

Roman: We’re the best! And we’re doing this for free too! She should be greatful!

Mercury: She really should! But no, she thinks we're nothing but idiots.

Roman: Tell me about it. We're not that dumb. We are actually very two smart men!

Mercury: You can say that again! Plus the kids love us! Don’t you guys?

Achilles/Troy:.........

Mercury, concerned: Hey, are you kiddos alright? Wait, did you guys change bags or something? *crouches down* What’s goin—.......

Roman, worries: What? What’s wrong? *crouches down* Do they have candy on their mouths or som— *gasps* O-oh my god.

*Roman looks and sees two confused kids wearing identical sheep costumes, but being completely two different kids, both of them being cat faunuses*

Roman, panicking: Oh my fucking god!

Mercury, panicking: Please tell me I’m going insane! Please tell me that I don’t see two cat ears on them right now! Tell me anything but—

Roman, nearly crying: Jesus Christ, we somehow mixed up kids! We got the wrong ones!

Mercury, voice cracking: Anything BUT that!

Roman: Oh my god! This can't be happening?! We just accidentally committed two kidnappings! How is this even possible?! How did we manage to do this?! The chances of this happening is comically and astronomically low! Oh fuck!! This is so stupid, even for us! Oh my god! This doesn't happen to normal people! This is like some three stooges level of stupidity! Cinder's going to kill is!

Mercury: Stop jumping to conclusion man! We might not die! Look, maybe....just maybe, Cinder might not notice if we show up with these two instead. L-like, we could dye her hair red and boom, it's essentially Achilles and Troy! That's possible, right?

Roman: NO, YOU DAMN IDIOT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! DID YOU SUDDENLY GROW SHIT FOR BRAINS OR SOMETHING?! FOR GOD SAKE, ONE OF THEM IS A GIRL! A GIRL WITH CAT EARS! HOW THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO CONVINCE THEIR PARENTS THAT THEYRE ACHILLES AND TROY?! AND WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH THESE TWO KIDS RIGHT HERE?!

Mercury: I DONT KNOW BUT STOP YELLING AT ME, IM GRASPING FOR STRAWS! I'M DESPERATE!

Roman: OH MY GOD! SHE’S GOING GO KILL US!!! SHE’S ACTUALLY GOING GO KILL US! WE’RE DEAD! WE’RE SO DEAD! OH CHRIST, WE NEED TO MOVE AWAY, FAR AWAY TO A PLACE WHERE SHE CANT FIND US! CHANGE IDENTITIES AND LOOKS! ROMAN AND MERCURY NO LONGER EXIST ANYMORE! WE’RE NOW GRAY AND YURI! GROW A MUSTACHE WHILE I GROW A GOATEE OR SOMETHING, I DONT FUCKING KNOW–

Mercury: GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, MAN! WE GOTTA CALM DOWN! WE CANT JUST GIVE UP HOPE RIGHT AWAY! HOPE IS ALL WE GOT! LOOK, WE JUST GOTTA FIND THESE KIDS’ PARENT AND THEN WE’RE FIND OUR KIDS! OKAY?! ALL IS NOT LOST!

Roman: YOURE RIGHT! ALL WE GOTTA DO IS FIND THEM AND WE ARENT DEAD! YOU'RE BRILLIANT!

Mercury: Okay, uhm....Heya kiddos, uhm.....do you think you guys can show us to your house? You have any idea where you live?

One of the kids: *nods quietly*

Mercury: Yes yes yes yes! We aren’t going to die! We are going to survive! Okay, let’s go!

*meanwhile*

Pyrrha, eating popcorn: I honestly don’t understand why everyone in these horror movies are so dumb. Like, does common sense don't exist in these worlds?

Cinder, chuckling: How else are they supposed to die in these easily avoidable ways for our amusement?

Pyrrha, giggling: Yeah, I guess you’re right. But couldn't they just make the killer smarter?

Cinder: Yeah, but then they would have to put effort into the writing.

Pyrrha: *snorts*

*Phone rings in the kitchen*

Cinder, standing: I'll get it.

Pyrrha: Can you make some more popcorn while you’re at it?

Cinder, smiling: Yeah, hold on.

*Cinder walks into the kitchen and answer their phone*

Cinder: Hello?........Yang? Yang who? Oh wait, you’re one of Pyrrha’s friends, right?....oh, okay. How can I help you?........wait, slow down. You're talking to fast.......what do you mean your wife’s going to kill you if she finds out. What’s going on?......uh no, why would we have your kids?......a mix up? What mix up?.......why do you have Troy and Achil— OH MY GOD, I’M GOING TO KILL THEM!!!