#jesus was freebirthed

[inner-sunshine]

The Freebirth of Baby A:

After an eventful day of sightseeing in San Francisco with my husband's family, the night of April 25th was a bit restless for me. I was pretty worn out from walking all day, uncomfortable from being, at this point, 41 weeks 2 days pregnant.

I woke up multiple times in the night, experiencing a lull of back pain and overall tightness in my stomach muscles.

Weeks before this night, I had been excited, ready, then put off when my previous (what I didn't realize was prodromal and perfectly normal) labors fizzled to nothing.

However, something was different about this night. Falling asleep felt instantaneous, like my body needed me resting, yet I woke up a few times to use the bathroom- my body cleaning itself out to fully prepare.

I woke the morning of April 26th with what I recognized were actual waves- contractions. They weren't regularly spaced nor very painful, moreso uncomfortable, like gas pain.

Hosting company, I cooked breakfast for everyone occasionally pausing to acknowledge the waves of my womb.

My mother-in-law noticed something off about me, I think how I was more into myself than my usual social self, and I told her I didn't want to jinx anything, but I thought I was in early labor.

My husband's family wanted to continue sight-seeing parts of the Bay Area (they were visiting from Chicago where we are originally from) and left the house about midday. Only my husband, L & B (my sons), and myself remained.

Looking back now, I'm thankful that they wanted to give us some space because I needed a few hours to get into a more internal mindset to keep my goal on track -- delivering my baby at home.

The boys played while I bounced on an exercise ball, opening my hips and swaying with the waves of contractions. At this point they were still pretty far apart, about 12-15 minutes, and pretty short in length.

After nearly 2 hours of that (about 2pm), I was becoming impatient and a little frustrated because not only were my contractions not picking up, it almost felt like they were slowing down. (Though now, I feel this was all in my head)

I told my husband I wanted to go out and walk around, coincidentally it was when Toys R Us was closing all their locations and the one local to us was having a huge sale, so we went. I figured we could get something for the boys to get involved with in case I either A; do have the baby at home, or B; need to transfer and my MIL has to take the boys. I paced around the store while the kids picked out play doh, toy trucks, and sidewalk chalk.

Leaving the store I tell my husband I want to go home, right now. We had planned maybe stopping somewhere to eat, but even though my contractions hadn't changed much, something changed within me and I just wanted to be home. I followed my instincts.

We got home, a bit after 3, B was really weepy so I decided to lay down and try to nap with him. We were both tired. My body told me to rest and I obliged. I was (well, tbh, still AM) breastfeeding B and thought getting a quick feed in would probably help me progress and relax us both. B fell asleep, and so did I.... for about 20 minutes.

I woke up to contractions that felt a lot more intense than they were previously. I decided to get in the tub to get some relief, especially for my back, for me, is where I feel most of my labors. I timed a couple contractions and they were only about 10 minutes apart. I thought I had a ways to go, hours at least- and by this time it was about 4:30 PM.

I'm not one to condone cervical checks during labor, to be frank, they don't mean anything progress-wise and can potentially irritate an already busy cervix. Alas I was curious, so while in the tub I checked my cervix and to my surprise-- it felt incredibly high up, so high I couldn't even reach it to see how dilated I was. I was so frustrated, at this point I really thought baby wasn't going to be born until after midnight.

I started feeling a little discouraged; I was tired and thought I hadn't even made it halfway, I cried a little. Then, I laid in the tub and just closed my eyes, trying to ground myself while breathing as deeply as possible. My favorite birth affirmations filled my mind and I calmed myself down, confident again.

About 5pm now, my husband's family returns from their outing and I was still in the tub... just as things totally pick up.

Within 20 minutes my contractions went from 10 minutes to 4 minutes apart and they lasted about 50-70 seconds long. It started becoming difficult to communicate through them, all my focus was on breathing and resting in between. I opened the drain of the tub and turned the faucet on as hot as it would go directly on my back as the pressure became more intense.

The boys came into the bathroom to see what was going on and my husband explained that the baby in mommy's belly is going to come out. L asks if it hurts. I say yes, but I am going to be okay once the baby comes out. They sat and watched for a little while, then went back to play with their cousins.

A powerful surge washed over me and I instantly felt nauseous, I knew what this was and what it meant -- I was in transition; the baby was definitely coming and SOON. (As I said before, this is why one should always decline cervical checks during labor, upon checking my cervix and feeling I had "not progressed" it threw off my whole mood when really I was only about 30 minutes from hitting transition)

I popped out of the tub and vomited into a bowl that my husband brought into the bathroom earlier. He was incredible. I cannot even explain to you how in sync he was to what I needed, without me even saying a word. Indescribably linked.

I stayed on the bathroom floor for maybe 2 contractions after hitting that transition and my instincts spoke to me again. I needed to be somewhere soft. Baby was coming and needed to be caught somewhere more suitable. I obliged and after my next moan through a surge I told my husband I needed help getting into bed.

Mind you, I had planned to have the baby in my bathroom. I had deep cleaned it, set up the space and supplies so everything was accessible in that room. Still in only a few minutes, my husband had all my towels layered on my bed & a bin of supplies on my dresser. Between surges I quickly crouched on my bed on all fours; what was comfortable at the time.

Literally the next surge was so intense and had more pressure behind it that my water broke into my hand. It was warm, I looked down to check it's color -- clear, almost tinged pink. No meconium, not that it is necessarily bad to have stained waters (it's really a non issue), but it was something I wanted to pay attention to, personally, being over 40 weeks.

My next 2 surges brought my body into FER (Fetal Ejection Reflex) and I was pulled into a more tripod stance, on my knees with my left hand supporting me and my right hand covering my vaginal opening, ready to catch.

I stopped being aware of what was going on around me, my eyes were probably open, but I wasn't seeing anything or processing anything other than the visualization of my baby's descent out of me and into this world.

Surge came and I felt the top of a head pop into my palm. I lightly smoothed my fingers over it, it was soft, warm, and I felt hair! So much hair. I say out loud; "I feel a head and it has hair!" My husband was behind me with his hands on my back, he says; 'I can see it! Almost here! Come on, boo!'

I'm in a lot of pain here, the "ring of fire" is in full force and my surges are at their most intense with maybe 10 seconds of break in between.

1st surge after crowning: I deep belly moan and FER pulls my body together. My hand now completely cups baby's head. My vaginal opening is b u r n i n g .

2nd surge after crowning: Deep in my belly once again I moan like a cow as my body pushes for me. My hand leaves baby's head as I feel it pass, then shoulders and in one fluid motion baby is out -- 5:40pm -- I lean behind it to get a look & assess.

I notice it is grey-purple in color, grimacing, and hands & legs were moving. Very good signs. Babe only had vernix in their hair and under their neck, but I think that's because babe was so far along gestationally, their fingernails were pretty long already too.

I pick baby up and open their legs to find I gave birth to yet another boy. "IT'S ANOTHER BOY!!!" I yelled. I hold him to my chest upright and rub his back to see if I could get him to cry, he had not yet, though I could see him grimacing and hear him clearing his airways to breathe. It kinda sounds like when we have congestion in our throats right after coughing.

After a small snort and cough, he lets out a nice, loud cry and I laid on my back completely soaking in the rush of endorphins exploding in my brain.

I did it! I grew my baby and delivered him... me and my husband... Just as he was made; he was born. In the bed that we still sleep in together.

L ran in shortly after hearing his brand new brother cry to come take a look at him. He tells his grandma that mommy's baby came out!

Baby A latched right away and I began to feel my stomach tightening again; it was time to deliver the placenta. I laid Baby A on the bed, squatted and pushed with the smallest amount of force and it came right out. I placed it in a bowl we had put aside and sat on a fresh towel to monitor my bleeding. I relatched Baby A and inspected my placenta (for science lmao) while I waited for Baby's cord to turn completely white and limp -- the ideal time to cut. It took probably a solid 20 minutes.

I sterilized a brand new pair of kitchen scissors (I literally bought them just to cut the cord) with rubbing alcohol and cut Baby A's cord, leaving about 2 inches still attached. I took a piece of thick sewing thread, dipped it in the rubbing alcohol and tied the cord as tight as I possibly could manage about 1.5-ish inches away from what would one day be his belly button.

There he was. Guided by the voice of his father, born into the hands of his mother, and immediately greeted by his older brothers; in the sanctity and safety of his own home. Just as he should have been.

Born 4/26/18

5:40pm

9lb 15oz, 21.5in

"the birth of you was nothing like the birth of me" ❤