#johnny shows back after 50 years dead like guess who's back! back again!!

[swearingcactus]

I’ve created a monster, 'cus nobody wants to see Vincent no more, they want Johnny, I’m chopped liver— (well if you want Johnny, this is what I'll give ya.)

[only-johnny-deppp]

“Whatever I’ve gone through, I’ve gone through. But, ultimately, this particular arena of my life has been so absurd...” 

 Johnny Depp’s NEW INTERVIEW!

Last saturday, August 14, The UK Times, released a new interview with Johnny for the Sunday Times section. It was realized sometime earlier this month, in London, probably on the same day he and Andrew Levitas were recording for the Q&A for the “Minamata” release in UK. This is Johnny’s first interview since the UK trials in London last year, and released three years after Johnny’s major interview for the British GQ Magazine. Here Johnny and Andrew Levitas speaks about “Minamata”, his future as actor and a thing or two about his personal life, although he cannot talk about the court case.

For those who couldn’t read yet, here is the FULL interview:  Enjoy.

***

“I’M BEING BOYCOTTED BY HOLLYWOOD”

Johnny Depp has a new film out this week. In the opening scene his character, the real-life photographer W Eugene Smith, says, “I’m done. I’m tired. My body is older than I am. I’m always in goddam pain. I can’t trust my f***ing dick any more. Constantly in a foul mood. Even the drugs bore me.”

I ask Depp if Smith’s despair resonated with him. Depp stops. Rocks back and forth. “That’s interesting,” he replies with painful hesitation.

“I didn’t approach playing Smith in that way… Although you bring your toolbox to work and use what is available. Having experienced...” He stops again. Depp takes any questions that might refer to his calamitous libel case last year slowly, in a mumbly, croaking drawl. “A surreal five years…”

In the film Smith needs to revive his reputation. In real life Depp’s task is even more daunting. Thanks to the judgment, everyone can call him a “wife-beater”. Now he must convince a Hollywood still convulsed by #MeToo that he’s not toxic — and that any attempt to rebuild his career is a risk worth taking. This is Depp’s first interview since the case.

We are speaking over Zoom, Depp in his London home, in front of a gold-framed painting. The 58-year-old is wearing a lot of clothes. Earrings. Floppy hat. Sunglasses. Bandana. Scarf. Checked shirt over a T-shirt with an indiscernible slogan. If you saw him on the Tube*, you might think he was off to work at the London Dungeon*, to play most of the characters.

PS. For those who are not familiar with British words: * Tube = British slang for London Underground, the subway trains. * London Dungeon = is a walk-through experience that recreates scenes from London's scary history in a mixture of live actors, special effects and rides.

Depp resumes, talking in broken sentences about the new film, Minamata, in which Smith, via Life magazine, exposes the brutal mercury poisoning of Japanese villagers in the early 1970s.

“How do we do this?” he asks rhetorically, meaning how to speak about the elephant in the Zoom. “Well, there’s no way one can’t recognise the absurdity of the mathematics.” He grins. “If you know what I mean?” No. “Absurdity of media mathematics.” He talks in riddles. “Whatever I’ve gone through, I’ve gone through. But, ultimately, this particular arena of my life has been so absurd...”

He trails off again. He is holding a big brown roll-up of some sort. “What the people in Minamata dealt with? People who suffered with Covid? A lot of people lost lives. Children sick...Ill. Ultimately, in answer to your question? Yeah, you use what you’ve got. But what I’ve been through? That’s like getting scratched by a kitten. Comparatively.”

Last July, I went to the High Court in London to watch Depp on another screen — a video from the socially distanced court where the Hollywood star was losing a libel action against The Sun after it called him a “wife-beater”. It was the grottiest showbiz trial of the century. There were photos of the actor passed out in a foetal slump, socks on show. One lengthy exchange involved faeces. Another urination, inside or outside a house, after a violent night with his ex-wife Amber Heard.

This had all been going on for a while. In 2016 Heard applied for a temporary restraining order against him. The couple had long endured a narcotic, booze-filled, childish relationship, but that does not matter — 12 incidents levelled against Depp were proved, said the judge, and abuse is abuse, regardless of how badly they both behaved. Depp wanted to appeal, but the court said no. Next April in the US he has a $50 million defamation case against Heard relating to an opinion piece she wrote about being the victim of domestic abuse. It may be his last roll of the dice.

In the 1990s Depp was a sensitive heart-throb. Cooler than DiCaprio, edgier than Pitt. In this past year he has been stripped of his status and dignity. On day three of the trial Sasha Wass QC, representing The Sun, asked Depp about daubing a penis on a painting. He could not remember. “That would be quite a big thing, painting a penis on a picture?”  Wass asked. “Quite a big thing?” Depp asked.

It was a well-delivered line, but Depp was on show. Performing. Now he is more timid, less lucid. His people say he cannot talk about the court case given the looming US trial, yet it hangs over everything. The director of Minamata, Andrew Levitas, is also on our call — as a pub trivia aside, Levitas is married to the Welsh singer Katherine Jenkins.

The two men clearly get on. “With regards to journalism, it was important for us to put across in the film the power of truth,” Levitas says. Depp nods. “The responsibility of journalists to look after citizens of the world. [Our film] coincided with the moment important publications had to put Raquel Welch on a cover to get enough eyeballs to sell enough ads in order to put something meaningful inside. A result of that is clickbait — it’s destroying the purpose of journalism,” Levitas continues.

“You said it beautifully,” says Depp, one of the world’s most pinned-up men, who built a career on magazine covers. “I couldn’t say it better than that.”

Last month Levitas wrote to MGM, which bought Minamata for the US market but decided not to release it. He accused MGM of being concerned that “the personal issues of an actor in the film could reflect negatively upon them”. Then the letter got really strong. Levitas accused MGM of failing in its “moral obligation” to release the film and said it needed to explain to the victims “why you think an actor’s personal life is more important than their dead children”. He then attached Smith’s photos of ghastly deformities that shocked the world 50 years ago.

“It’s important that the movie gets seen and supported,” Levitas says. “And if I get an inkling it’s not going to be, it’s my responsibility to say so. Where it goes from there? I don’t know. But we have responsibility to these victims . . .”

You can see why he’s passionate. The film is good. MGM bought the film because it is good. Depp is good too. He disappears into the role, far from his more recent pantomime parts. It’s being released worldwide, just not in the actor’s homeland.

Depp, who also produced the film, interrupts. “We looked these people in the eyeballs and promised we would not be exploitative. That the film would be respectful. I believe that we’ve kept our end of the bargain, but those who came in later should also maintain theirs.”

“Some films touch people,” he adds. “And this affects those in Minamata and people who experience similar things. And for anything…” He pauses, as he does. “For Hollywood’s boycott of, erm, me? One man, one actor in an unpleasant and messy situation, over the last number of years?” He trails off. “But, you know, I’m moving towards where I need to go to make all that…” Again, he trails off. “To bring things to light.”

The fact, as I think Depp knows, is that for his career, the court that matters is not one of law, but public opinion. On social media, where a lot of minds are made up, Depp’s good reputation will always outweigh the bad, thanks to his frequently blinkered fans.

Outside the High Court, as Heard arrived, I saw Natasha, 30, yell: “Get hit by a truck, Amber!” She is extreme, but the persistent way his fans demand that others think their idol is a saint shows a career revival will happen. After all, most filmgoers do not follow his private life at all. To them, he is Jack Sparrow, Edward Scissorhands. To them, he is a star — and a star can take an awful lot of heat before it burns out.

“They have always been my employers,” Depp says of his fans. “They are all our employers. They buy tickets, merchandise. They made all of those studios rich, but they forgot that a long time ago. I certainly haven’t. I’m proud of these people, because of what they are trying to say, which is the truth. The truth they’re trying to get out since it doesn’t in more mainstream publications. It’s a long road that sometimes gets clunky. Sometimes just plain stupid. But they stayed on the ride with me and it’s for them I will fight. Always, to the end. Whatever it may be.”

Depp will talk like this for ever — about his “truth”. Minamata is the last film Depp has listed on the industry site IMDb, where actors usually have half a dozen in development. So, yes, fans of the actor can see Depp in a new role now — it is a return, but is it a relaunch? The film was finished in 2019, way before last year’s court case. Is that it? His last film? He thinks and looks off to his bookshelves, at biographies of Betjeman and Olivier.

“Er...no,” he says, eventually. “No. No. Actually, I look forward to the next few films I make to be my first films, in a way. Because once you’ve...Well, look. The way they wrote it in The Wizard of Oz is that when you see behind the curtain, it’s not him. When you see behind the curtain, there’s a whole lot of motherf***ers squished into one spot. All praying that you don’t look at them. And notice them.”

I would ask him to explain, but I am not sure he is an explainer. Watch this space, I guess, but he is already taking a first step back. After we speak, it is announced Depp is getting the coveted Donostia award at the San Sebastian Film Festival next month. Some people are just too famous to fail.

~ Interview by Jonathan Dean, in London, for The Times UK (released on August 14, 2021)

[duhragonball]

Battle Tendency Liveblog JJBA Ch.48-52

This is the “Joseph vs. Straizo” arc, so I’ll just lead off with one of my favorite moments from the entire JoJo franchise, when Joseph furiously declares war on Straizo with tears in his eyes.   In the anime, voice actor Tomokazu Sugita delivered this with such intensity that it actually overshadowed the machine gun.

None of the dubs or translations can do it justice, including this panel from the JoJo’s Colored Adventure scanlation project.   This is a faithful translation of Joseph’s line, as far as I can tell, except they always leave off the last part: “宣戦布告だぜ!!”  In romanji, that’s: “Sensen fukokuda ze!!”    And it means  “This is war!!”  

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Last time, we saw the Joestars treating their new friend Smokey Brown, to dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant.   Some mafia jerk caused trouble, Joseph whooped his ass, and then a second mafia guy apologized and shared a rumor he recently heard: Robert Speedwagon was found dead in a Mexican riverbed, apparently killed by a Tibetan monk.  

From there, we see that Joseph immediately realizes that this must have been Straizo, and Erina suspects that it must have something to do with the Stone Masks and the battle with Dio fifty years ago.   Smokey warns Joseph to consider the source, but Joseph is pretty sure it’s credible information, since mafia guys are all about money.   I’m not sure what that has to do with whether he’s telling the truth, though.   Either way, Joseph slugs the guy for just blurting out such terrible news in front of Granny Erina.  

Now, at this point, Joseph and Erina are making all these Phantom Blood references, and Smokey has no idea what they’re talking about.   And I think seeing this panel helped me understand Smokey’s role as a viewpoint character.  When the Part began, it seemed like Smokey was sort of the narrator for the thing, which works because he’s a good viewpoint character, and he seemed to be settling in as a sidekick like Speedwagon and Poco in Part 1.   But shortly after this he just vanishes from Battle Tendency altogether, and then he shows up at the end like it’s no big deal.   I never quite understood that, and I think this is the sort of thing that fuels the “Araki forgot” memes, but it actually makes a lot of sense.  

See, Smokey’s primary function is to be the viewpoint character, specifically for the readers who missed out on Phantom Blood.    BT is a direct continuation of the previous part, in a way that none of the other JoJo parts are.   Most of the main BT cast was deeply affected by what happened in Part 1.   A few of them lived through it, and the ones that didn’t have personal connections to it.    So they constantly talk about Stone Masks and Dio without really stopping to explain any of it.   Well, if you don’t know what they’re talking about, you can take heart in the fact that Smokey doesn’t know either.   So as long as he can keep up with the story, so can the uninitiated readers.  For now, all that matters is that he’s impressed by the Joestars’ great kindness, and he’s intrigued and disturbed by these hints of a tragic past in their family.  

And eventually, Smokey learns just what happened to the Joestar Family, or at least everything that the reader needs to know to follow Part 2.   But that doesn’t happen until near the end, which is why he shows up to hear the secrets revealed.   But for most of the story, he steps aside, because that’s mostly about Joseph dealing with events in the here and now, so Joseph can act as his own viewpoint character.  

But is Speedwagon truly dead?   The story flashes back to the previous night, after Straizo killed his own disciples and clobbered Speedwagon.   They’re in this temple where Speedwagon discovered more Stone Masks, like the one Dio used, but Speedwagon also discovered an immortal man petrified in a stone column.    Straizo was enlisted to destroy this “Pillar Man” with his Hamon power, but instead he wants to use one of the Stone Masks to turn himself into a vampire.  

Before he does this, he reads Speedy’s translations of the writing on the walls of the temple.    The ancient Aztec cultists who built it said that the Pillar Man was immortal and had many powers, but he was vulnerable to the sun, just like the vampires from Part 1.   But the writings warn that the Pillar Man created the Stone Masks because of this weakness, and one day, “when he befriends the sun, the world will be his.”  That doesn’t seem to follow, since the only thing the Stone Masks seem to be able to do is make new vampires, who are just as vulnerable to sunlight as the Pillar Man.   

Anyway, Straizo doesn’t seem to care.   He just doesn’t want to die of old age, and he’s become disillusioned with the Hamon power he has, so he’s turning heel and going full goth on us.   To avoid Dio’s mistakes, he plans to eliminate any witnesses, including Joseph and Erina.  Then he’ll go into hiding and figure out a long term plan, with the rest of the world unaware of his existence. 

You know, now that I write that out, I’m amazed by how similar that plan is to what Dio ends up doing in Part 3.   In Part 1, he set about turning a whole town into zombies, and planning to unleash them on the world without any real agenda.    But in Part 3 he eventually holed up in a swank mansion in Cairo and took great pains to stay hidden while he acquired more power.   Parts 5 and 8 carry that same idea even further, with villains who go to great lengths to cover up their very existence.   

At any rate, we only see Speedwagon pass out in this scene, so it’s unclear whether he actually dies or not.   Really, using Speedwagon in this way is a pretty smart play.   He’s an old man, and he was never going to survive another 50-year time-skip into the next part, so it’s safe to assume that Part 2 is his swan song.   But how will he die, and when?   It could be at the very start, or maybe somewhere in the middle.  

Anyway, Straizo just walks up to a cafe in New York to confront Joseph, and Joseph whips out a machine gun and shoots his ass.   This whole time, Straizo had assumed that the untrained grandson of Jonathan Joestar would be easy pickings, but Joseph’s a lot more skilled with Hamon than he expected, and he’s tricky too. 

As Joseph fires on Straizo, he recalls how worried Erina was about all this.   The story kind of glosses over it, but Joseph seems to have worked out Straizo’s entire plan.   I guess that’s not much of a stretch.   He and Speedwagon were together with a temple full of Stone Masks, and then Straizo turned on Speedwagon.    Why else would he do that, unless he used the Stone Mask to turn into a vampire like Dio did?   And once you arrive at that conclusion, it isn’t hard to figure out what Straizo’s next move would be.    And that’s how Joseph was so prepared for this.    After the shooting stops, Smokey freaks out about Joseph murdering a dude, but Joseph was expecting a vampire the whole time. 

I also like Joseph’s line in the flashback.   Erina isn’t worried for herself, but for Joseph, because it looks like he’s being pulled into this same tragic fate as the rest of the family.   But Joseph resolves to face this head on.    “If this is my fate, then I accept it.”  Pretty sure Will Zeppeli said the same thing when he discovered that he would die saving Jonathan.  

There’s similar “call-to-adventure” moments in the other parts.   Jonathan has his when he accepts Zeppeli’s offer to train him to battle Dio again.  Jotaro has his when he defeats and saves Kakyoin, then learns what’ll happen to his mother if he doesn’t go.   Josuke has his when Angelo shows up and he has to avenge his grandfather.   Giorno kind of always had a hankering to take on Passione, but I think things got serious once he had a choice between killing or sparing Bruno.  There could be no turning back from that point.  For Jolyne, it was the moment she had a clear path to escape the prison but decided to go back in because that was where her enemy was.    For Johnny, it was that one battle where he chose to crawl towards the danger to save Gyro instead of withdrawing to safety.   For Gappy... I’d have to study that a bit.   

But for Joseph Joestar, it’s this moment.  Erina never sent Joseph to learn the Ripple from the Hamon monastary, and she seems to have taken great pains to keep him out of trouble, but now trouble has come to them, and Joseph isn’t about to back down.   

So yeah, bullets don’t actually kill vampires, but Joseph was hoping to destroy his head with some of those shots, or at least slow Straizo down long enough to finish him off.   Instead Straizo reveals that he has the power to shoot high pressure fluid from his eyes, the same move Dio used to kill Jonathan at the end of Part 1.   He calls this “Space Ripper Stingy Eyes” which is either stupid or brilliant depending on your mood, I guess.   He used it to protect his head from the machine gun fire, and then he uses it again to shoot Joseph... except he hits Joseph’s reflection in a nearby mirror, and I guess he didn’t notice the real thing standing behind him.

What makes this fight so awesome is that these two are determined to kill each other, and they each have extremely simple moves to defeat one another, but they have all these tricks and schemes to protect themselves.   Joseph manages to hit Straizo with Hamon, but it does nothing... because Straizo was a Hamon master before turning into a vampire.   He can’t use the Ripple without destroying himself now, but he still knows how to defend against it.   For instance, he’s got this scarf woven from dead bugs, because it conducts Hamon energy far more effectively than his own body.    So it just absorbs Joseph’s attacks and disperses the energy harmlessly away.   

Does it really have to be made of dead bugs?   I feel like Tonpetti just told him that as a prank.   “No, really (snort!) the only thing that works is dead bugs.  (tee-hee!)   It smells awful but you have to wear it (ha!).”

But Joseph has his own tricks, like... putting a dozen grenades on his opponent’s back when he isn’t looking!  Seriously, there was zero opportunity for him to do this.    One moment he steps over Straizo’s body to see if he’s still alive, and the next moment he supposedly planted all these things on his scarf.   I get that he could pull a string connected to the pin without being noticed, but that’s the only part that makes sense about this.   It’s still awesome, though.   If Jonathan had access to explosives, Part 1 would have been a lot shorter.  

I really think this was the battle that set the tone for Stand Battles in later Parts.   Araki loves these off-panel tricks in combat, and they’re a lot easier to explain when all of your characters have magic super powers.   If Joseph had Hermit Purple in this fight, there’d be no problem at all.   He could just use Hermit Purple to snake through the ventilation shafts and hook up all the grenades.   In fact, it’s tempting to suggest that Joseph was unconsciously using Hermit Purple throughout Part 2, but I don’t want to get into that right now.

Anyway, explosions don’t stop vampires any more than machine gun fire.   Straizo’s body is in pieces, but the pieces just slither back together and regenerate.   Wait, wouldn’t his head have been vaporized in that blast?   Also, Straizo spends the rest of this battle in the nude, so we know that stupid scarf is out of the equation.   Why didn’t Joseph just go back in the cafe and finish Straizo off while he was still in pieces?

Again, it’s easy to say “lol Araki forgot”, but I think it’s a lot more sensible to suggest that Joseph forgot.   As clever as he is, he went in with the Ripple, a machine gun, and a dozen grenades, and Straizo had an answer to all three.   He doesn’t want to press the attack because he’s out of tricks.   All he’s got left is another Hamon attack, which means Straizo will see it coming.   Or he’s still worried about the scarf, and hasn’t realized that it’s gone now.    In any event, he’s running away, creating some distance before Straizo can make his next move.

Also, there’s a lot of bystanders gathering around, so it makes sense to take the fight elsewhere.   Some guy named “Bruty” tries to stop Joseph to impress his girlfriend, but that backfires spectacularly.  Was Bruty in the anime?  I feel like he wasn’t, but I don’t want to check. 

The one I do remember is this girl photographer.   Spider-Man hadn’t been invented yet, so in those days photographers just sort of wandered around with their camera, waiting for Spidey to debut.   This exploding vampire diner is the best she could do in 1938.  

I just really like this lady.   There’s a spark in her eye and I just assumed she would end up being Joseph’s love interest by the end of the story.    Well, we’ll get to that.  

Instead, she’s a hostage.  Joseph and Smokey run to the Brooklyn Bridge?   I guess?   It’s a bridge, I’m sure of that much.   Anyway, Straizo catches this lady and takes her with him to intercept them.   He threatens to kill her unless Joseph faces him again.   But Straizo offers to spare Joseph and never trouble him again if Joseph runs away.   This is because Straizo figures that if Joseph chickens out now, then he’ll never be a threat to Straizo in the future, no matter how powerful his Hamon abilities become. 

Joseph tries to call his bluff, but then Straizo rips out one of the girl’s teeth to prove he means business, and Joseph gets furious all over again.  I don’t think he was ever planning to abandon this fight, but he was probably hoping to get Straizo to give up his hostage at least.   Now he’s just pissed, and Straizo is impressed.  Joseph tries to act cool, but he just can’t hide his passionate feelings.    This is in stark contrast to Jotaro, who wagered his own soul in a poker game and bluffed his way to victory. 

So Straizo tries again with the Space Ripper Stingy Eyes, but this time Joseph blocks it with two shot glasses charged with Hamon power, and then he lands the decisive blow.   But before Straizo dies, Joseph demands to know why Straizo dumped Speedwagon and the others in the river.   Not only does Joseph want to give him a proper burial, but he doesn’t understand why Straizo would have dumped them in the river, since that was how Joseph knew to expect him.  

Wait, I thought Straizo wanted Joseph to know he was coming.   Oh well.

Anyway, Straizo explains that he had to do it, because the Pillar Man was absorbing the blood from his victims.   Straizo was worried that the Pillar Man might awaken, so he put them in the river instead to be safe.    Nevertheless, he suspects that the Pillar Man will reawaken eventually anyway, and Straizo now realizes that it will be Joseph’s destiny to face him some day.    Then Straizo just uses the Ripple one last time, and self-destructs. 

It always seemed strange to me that Straizo saw the danger of the Pillar Man and just left things the way they were.   Maybe he planned to deal with him later, or maybe he just didn’t know or care about it until Joseph defeated him, and he felt a moral obligation to warn someone. 

I guess he could have destroyed the Pillar Man like Speedwagon wanted him to do in the first place, but it seems like Straizo didn’t realize that blood would wake him up until after he was already a vampire, and unable to use the Ripple.  For that matter, it remains to be seen if Hamon will work on Pillar Men.   

Anyway, what else is going on?   Oh, yeah, Europe is getting closer and closer to World War II.   The official start of the war is usually considered to be September 1, 1939, but Italy invaded Ethiopia in 1935, and Japan invaded China in 1937, and Germany annexed Austria and conquered Czechoslovakia in 1938, the year Battle Tendency is set.  So we’re in this weird time period where there’s Nazis in the story, and the British-American protagonist doesn’t care for them, but isn’t trying to kill them on sight.   I’ll be coming back to this topic later on. 

I think the main reason for including Nazi Germany in this story was to draw parallels between their goals and those of the fictional villains.    The Nazis believed themselves to be the “Master Race”, the most “evolved” people, and this made them worthy to rule the world.   Araki notes that they turned to all sorts of sci-fi/occult/fantasy stuff in their war.   Similarly, you have villains like Dio and Straizo turning to mysterious Stone Masks for spooky powers, and then you have the Pillar Man himself, who apparently sought the means to “befriend the sun” and rule over the world.    So the Nazis fit into this theme of trying to claim some sort of supremacy over other beings.  

But what’s their role in this story?   Well, the Germans have an “information base” in Mexico, run by a guy named Stroheim.   He makes pretty ladies shave him with a straight razor, and if he gets a nick he makes them lick the blood off, and then he threatens to cut off their tongues.   Also, he trained his dog to not eat treats until given permission. He’s a sick fuck, is my point. 

Wait, no, my point was that his staff discovered the bodies that Straizo dumped in the river, including Speedwagon, who’s still alive, somehow.      I guess Straizo was going to finish him off but he got in a hurry when he saw the Pillar Man absorbing the blood from the others.  Not sure how Speedwagon survived that ordeal, but Stroheim’s men have been taking care of him this whole time, and he was unconscious until recently, so it might have been touch-and-go for a while. 

            Back in New York, Joseph doesn’t know what this is all about, but he decides to go to Mexico himself to get to the bottom of it...

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 15

Love Wins!

Welcome to an insanely chaotic episode of Fantasy High--even by the very high standards of this show.  How chaotic you may ask? Well, the first thing that happens is that Bill Seacaster point blank shoots Gilear to death for being in a relationship with Hilariel. Full dead. He is full dead. Strangely, his plan to bring him back as a janky devil does not do much to comfort Fig. Imagine that.

Bill’s pirates are looting the Bottomless Pit (Gorthalax’s domain in Hell) and Vraz orders Fig to make them stop. When she instead orders Vraz to eat her ass, Vraz nullifies all warlock deals Gorthalax made and brings none other than Johnny Spells (and his greaser pals) to join the fight!

Really, this fight is insane and it’s better served by a highlight real than a play by play so I’m just gonna give you some bullets:

All the PCs rolled super low initiative this fight which really kinda screwed them. Like Fabian was down to 16 HP one point and it was like, “Lol, this is the end of round 1.” YIKES.

A big part of this fight was just surviving long enough to get to the second level of hell and rescue Riz’s dad which I think was probably good for morale because the thought of this fight dragging on for more than a couple of rounds exhausts me. 

Fabian rolls off against Johnny right off the bat for the Hangman’s loyalty and Fabian wins with a 25 (and by coming out the gate with the word ENSLAVED which isn’t the word *I* would have used but a 25 is a 25 I guess).

He also has to contend with fighting Allistair who has a massive hole in his head filled with fire from Wicklaw eating his brain. It seems like Chungledown Bim is in hell too based on how Allistair keeps saying he’s gonna get him so he can shit in Fabian’s mouth. Of course, Fabian gets the better of him, but not before he deals out a fair bit of damage. 

Adaine uses an Arcane Hand plus her portent roll to just whole-ass throw Johnny off the ship. Like, he gets back up but it’s so funny to instead of fighting an enemy to just throw him off a set piece (see eg: Bloodkeep ep2).

Kristen Revivifies Gilear and Bill, the mercurial sunuvabitch is like, “We love the same woman! I just want her happy!” and gives him a gun. Kristen immediately is like, “Bro, you need to hide,” and Gorgug protects him while he does so (in a sarcophagus that has a 50/50 shot of being launched as ammo). 

Penelope shows up to the fight, eyes all black, wearing a shredded prom dress, and with shards of silver embedded in her forehead like a crown. Dayne and Daybreak also join the fight as messed up Harvestmen! It’s a veritable Smash Bros lineup of people the Bad Kids have killed!

Adaine and Fabian are christened the “Posh Squad” which is important to me, not to the fight. 

Adaine gets to counterspell a counterspell from Penelope, one of the sexiest things you can do in D&D.

Fabian declares toxic masculinity dead. Shortly afterward, he makes Brennan eat a die when Daybreak tries to Frighten Fabian, a condition he is immune to due to his eyepatch I gather based on the table reaction. 

Daybreak’s punishment in hell is a complete lack of self-awareness of why he’s there. He still thinks he should be sipping Mai-Tai’s in corn heaven with Helio while Kristen and Ragh are attacking him with gay spit (their words, not mine). Gay spit and, also, a ton of radiant and thunder damage.

Ragh gets some emotional catharsis by getting to body Dayne before Gorgug decapitates him. Very important step in the stages of grief. Decapitating the source of said grief. 

Penelope gets Sparta-kicked off the edge of the boat by Fabian after Ayda dispels her protective globe and Riz shoots Daybreak again for old times sake. Unfortunately, Penelope Misty Steps back up and Daybreak is hurt but not killed. Ayda does a cool Dr. Strange teleportation thing and does a bunch of damage to both of them. Fabian finishes off Penelope with a sheet/sword combo and between Booming Blade and a Psionic Blast (does she have this ability as a Bard or as a Warlock? Relatedly, when she felt something leave her was that her Warlock deal being nullified or was she feeling the deals leave her since she is sort of the temporary Gorthalax?) Fig destroys Daybreak. Johnny just falls off the ship with no PC intervention because he sucks. 

Bill also falls off the ship but Fig (with an assist from Gorgug) saves him and steals a scroll from Vraz on the way back up. By the by, earlier in the fight, she also had Baby Invisbly steal a random item from her. 

Anyway, as they reach the end of the end of the fight, Bill loads Riz into a canon (!) and shoots him into the city, hopefully towards his dad (to the distress of his party). He crashes through the window in a familiar looking building and, when he finds a hallway that he’s pretty sure leads to his dad, he goes towards it. 

He sees a familiar light coming out of a doorway (the interrogation room light) and a doorway next to it that is slightly open with steel thrones in it. There’s a two-way mirror between the two rooms and if he goes into the open one, he can see who is in with his dad. After checking for illusions and finding none, he stealthily walks in and sees, in the other room, his dad with a hulking pit fiend (30 ft tall, winged, almost dragon-y devil).

The pit fiend is questioning Pok about any regrets he had in life and Pok answers very uncharacteristically from the man we saw in the video saying he had nothing but high hopes for baby Riz. He says he had no regrets, his job was just a job, and that he only had a kid because Sklonda wanted one before going into a snarling goblin rage. The pit fiend smiles at that and says that Pok has promise so they won’t create a lemure out of him (a lemure is a weak, blobby devil). Two devils in the room with them whip him unconscious and then leave the room to go send more people to deal with Bill.

Riz Misty Steps into the room and does a self-imposed Wisdom check to steady himself after what he just heard--Nat 20 baby. Then, he opens his Briefcase of Holding, ready to scoop his dad into it when, the two lesser devils open the door and catch him in the act. But Riz persists in the scooping. They try to grapple him and he rolls a Nat 1 to avoid it. He *still* tries to get him dad. But then he notices, his gun is missing.

BLAM. The devils heads are blown clean off. He turns and he sees his dad has taken the gun--his gun originally--and shot the devils. Pok, who is amazed that Riz is there and no longer feigning apathy for the situation asks for an extraction into an earpiece, causing a halo to appear over his head and a beam of holy light to come down like a tractor beam.

“Wait,” says Riz. “You’re an undercover angel?”

“You got it, kid.”

Murph goes feral. The table goes feral. I go feral. What a way to end an episode!  

And now for an all-Dad round of superlatives:

Detention

Bill Seacaster for KILLING GILEAR 

I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain myself here. 

Honor Roll

Pok Gukgak for Officially Joining the Fantasy Fathers of the Year Club

Here either. 

I will, however, add a Hell Yeah!

Random Thoughts

If you haven’t seen it yet, the trailer for S5 of Dimension 20 just dropped and I won’t spoil it but, from the looks of it, it is gonna be a doozy.  

“Do not metagame with my freaking Dad!” Oh to have the support of an NPC Emily Axford has decided to imprint upon.

Gorgug: It’s been one year. We’re sophomores. 

“We support you as a DM and as your friend but also you’re our enemy.”

I think it’s very interesting that with just a little space and time from his dad, Fabian is finally having the proper reactions to his dad doing what I will charitably call shenanigans.

The level of distress and outrage from Emily when Gilear got shot was just *chef’s kiss*. I aspire to create an NPC that provokes that level of reaction from one of my players. Similar energy in a different direction from Ally when Daybreak attacked Tracker.    

“Adaine, the jocks are being feisty! Get out of there!”

Vraz calls Fig “the Faithless” as her devil title and she insists on instead being called, “the InFaethable”. I wanna know how long Emily’s been sitting on that one or whether she came up with it on the spot. 

Fabian upon seeing Johnny: Fuck off dude. I have too much going on right now. 

Brennan being the eternal DM mood: How do I get out of this?

Very wild how little time has passed since Leviathan. Like, Fabian’s had this whole arc and grown so much but, like, OF COURSE Allistair still wants to murder him! It’s been like two days. 

“I want to crumple up Gilear like a wrapper.”

A seven is a Murph 10.

The very specific way Brennan does foley for sword fighting (“Clang! Cling! Clang!”) is so funny to me. 

Cannot overstate how much of a power move it was for Kristen to go, “I’ve been PRAYING FOR YOU,” at Daybreak and knock him on his ass. 

I feel like I bring this up all the time but I love when Brennan is counting dice for a ton of damage and all the PCs are BSing reasons that it’s not a big deal like, “He’s just getting D4s,” or “Well I should get advantage for the reason just made up,” with everyone else fully playing along. ”

Allistair Ash, man. He is fascinating to me. I am so curious about what Brennan had planned for him originally because I feel like we barely scratched the surface before things took a TURN. He had two little moments in this ep that made my heart break for him a little: (1) When he says to Fabian, “If I die, I just come back a little bit worse but, if you die, you’re stuck down here with me.” and (2) when Fabian kills him and Bill grabs his soul and is like, “You know it’s gonna cost you X gold to revive you,” and he sighs and says, “Put it on my tab I suppose.” Like, I know he spent all ep trying to kill Fabian but I can’t help but be like, poor guy. He just has this pathos in his haplessness. I’m surprised Fabian didn’t make more of an effort to connect with him instead of being like, kind of like, “I will throw hands if I must.” Talking is a free action my dude. Anyway, I would love to see Brennan’s DM notes for this guy.   

Lou was really doing some expert D&D with all the second winding and bonus actioning and burning spell slots for extra damage he was doing. He was like, “My initiative is trash so I have to do approximately a million damage per turn.”

Lol at Ayda asking if it’s weird to talk about sex stuff in front of friends in a group that involves both Kristen and Adaine. 

Fig wishing she could do something cool in front of Ayda as if Ayda didn’t try to flood Hell on her behalf last week. My girl. You’ve already locked that down.

Not really an issue that’s we’ll run across during the run of FH but tieflings live 20-40 years longer than humans according to the official D&D lore. So lets say Fig lives to be 120 years old. And let’s say she sticks with her high school girlfriend and marries her. It’s possible they die at around the same time and then Ayda has to Deal With That in her next life but that’s not what I’m interested in. What happens if you’re a full elderly woman and your partner phoenixes into a child? What are the ethics of that? How do you deal with that? Chronomancy?

The horrified, “Love wins!” from Daybreak.

 Is there a reason the viewing room Riz was in had thrones in it or is Hell just very about the ~aesthetic~

Every time a DM asks for a HP total, my entire being clenches in prep for a Power Word Kill. 

“I’m gonna need a Dexter--”/”Counterspell.”

“You guys murdered me too but we hashed it out.”

I totally forgot that the Bad Kids lied that Ragh had shat his pants until the moment Adaine was saying it this episode. Freshman Year was WILD.

Also, just wanna take a second to talk about the elevation of Ragh from this side-note bully to a fully fledged, likeable character with depth and and an arc and gay spit. D&D is crazy. 

Summoning Boggy via Bloody Mary is such a delightful image. 

So, Kalina is the one that led Riz down the path that led to him finding out Pok is an Undercover Angel (!!!), which means one of three things: (1) She knew but miscalculated hard, (2) she didn’t know and made a different but also big miscalculation, (3) she did know and she’s doing some kind of 4-D chess thing we don’t know about yet. 

Ayda hitting Fabian with a portent and then swooping in and saving Adaine. So clutch. What a good NPC to befriend.

Speaking of, I think we all kinda figured, but Brennan officially said on Twitter or the Discord (I don’t remember which) that Ayda is autistic. Like, I was pretty sure but I didn’t wanna assume.

Lol at the absolute lack of respect Kalvaxus got in this episode. 

Pok as an Undercover Angel is SO GOOD. Like, I didn’t think he was really bad for a second but I never could have guessed he was an UNDERCOVER ANGEL. That’s such a dope combination of words. Undercover Angel (which my computer keeps trying to correct to undercover agent which isn’t wrong to be fair). Man. I love this. I love this for me and I love this for Riz. Riz deserves this. After so much crap in his life and so many mind games from Kalina and all this turmoil, he deserves to know that not only is his dad a good person who loved/loves him, he’s SO good that he’s an ANGEL and he was such a good spy in life he still is a secret agent in death. God, what a reveal. I can’t believe Riz got Spy Kids-ed TWICE by the same parent. Can’t wait to hear what exactly is going on with him.

Wait, what’s goblin heaven like? Which god is sanctioning this? Who is he working for exactly?

This episode, Kristen and Gorgug rolled 1 Nat 20 each, while Riz, Fabian, and Brennan each got 2. On the flipside, Adaine got 2 Nat 1’s, Fig and Fabian each rolled 1 that was cancelled, and Riz rolled 1 (in addition, Murph rolled two more which were lair actions and one of which was cancelled by a luck point so they don’t really count but it was very funny so I wanted to note it).

[looseinthecatroom]

This “live” blog (or just reaction in that case I suppose?) under the cut and in one post because this ain’t a fandom where we can have spoilers and thoughts running around willy nilly so soon after an episode comes out!

- Poor sweet Jon. Poor confused detonator losing disaster. Better hope that slight immunity to The Unknowing you get from vague archivist powers kicks in soon.

- “ ’Ello Daisy!”

Here it comes! I don’t know what “it” is! But something very bad is definitely going to happen to one of you! Personally my bet’s on Breekon and Hope getting their asses kicked in.

- Roughly 20 seconds later:

*Horrific strangulation noises and Daisy laughing manically.*

Eyuuup.

- Diiiid Basira just whoop Tim’s angry little butt like it was nothing out of self defense or am I misreading that and Tim just landed a pretty weak hit which then confused her?

I choose to believe that she just whooped his butt personally.

- “Ohhhh! You caught me! I’m...... Sasha!”

I fucking love Nikola.

- Issssn’t going so deep as to not know what a hand, or a gun, or what have you, is anymore kind of a teensy bit right of center for the Stranger? It feels more Spiral then Stranger to me at least as I/we understand them right now.

‘Course I’ll be the first to tell you that the overlap between entitys is hella common and hella intentional given how little we/humanity is supposed to understand about them / roll my eyes when someone’s trying way too hard to fit something within a statement super neatly into a single powers domain, sooooo. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- “Pathetic.”

My ass:

- =( Gertrude (/Nikola. Obviously ~Is it partially her? Is it in no way actually her opinion? Who knoooows?~ is intentional.) leave the failure boy be. You were head archivist for 50 years if I recall. He’s got time. Weak sauce taunt Gertrude/Nikola.

- LOVE  the chewy symbology to dig into in how Nikola’s voice isn’t present for for the last “This is your fault!” of their guilt trip.

-Leitner: “Before you left me to get my head bashed in”

by a brutal extended pipe murder. Finish the sentence Leitner. Any excuse to use that phrase again is a good one.

-Leitner: ”But you’ve somehow managed to fit more bad decisions into two years then I did in a lifetime!”

Oh. My poor self hating disaster archivist. That one isn’t even remotely true AND I doubt even Jon would be thick enough to believe it without the Unknowing’s influence. =‘(

Also he knows who Jurgen is without any prompting at all so.... time seems to be nearly up for keeping him confused Nikola. >.>

- OH! Duh! Daisy has “vague servant of an entity powers” herself too. Thanks for that Hunt and/or Slaughter. That’s why she’s a bit more on the ball then the others. Nearly forgot about that till he called her an animal.

- “Almost a shame you don’t know your own coffin. But you will.”

- Basira is back sans angry Tim. She did in fact clock him.

- Listening to Basira puzzle stuff out makes me think that Melanie and Martin were back benched for this one because writing wise it would have given us way too much insight into the soul of their character and the way they function under real pressure for right now. I’m all for more character development for those two. Like probably more then any of the other assistants, but yeah, it doesn’t feel like the right time for it (Particularly for Martin) with all the other shit going on right now.

The last thing Martin needs right this instant is a do or die situation AND also Jon almost certainly wouldn’t kill him off without resolving the crush plot line / just more of his character in general so... yeah. No Martin in THE center of the action this time.

- Jon: “I see you...”

AYYE there it is. Time’s up girl.

- “Sarah”: ”Probably the Hunters idea. She killed one of the courier's.”

Time to drop that /Slaughter part apparently. Hunt it is.

- Ohh. Oh. I DO like what the avatars bickering with each other tells us about how close they are (well, aren’t then) to the pure ideal of the Stranger.

- Ok. Or Tim just ran off confused to go maul someone else.

- “Shall I?”

Oh hell yeah. Good audio is good.

Also? “My asshole boss”?

Aye Tim. Yeesh.

You know, Mike LeBeau’s comment about wanting to just slap Tim sometimes is hella relatable, and I was glad that even his actor is definitely feeling it this arc. >.>

If Martin weren’t Martin (pushover) and Jon weren’t Jon (piss self esteem) Tim probably wouldn’t have gotten this far along his “Jon’s a dick (Or even still properly your boss tbh) and not a victim (a paranoid disaster, but a victim) here” train of thought.

- SO

Soooo...

Kaboom.

Well Basira ran away given her last bit.

Daisy is in a probably explosion proof coffin, and either safe for now or very much already dead/worse then dead, so that’s her sorted.

Jon and Tim? They’re in the same room. Now. Jon’s not going to die yet probably. Yeah it COULD be that kind of show. I definitely don’t want to tempt fate here, but I just don’t see Johnny killing him off just yet for a whole buncha reasons unless it IS that kind of show, and they really need that gut punch to work with. (pls no. thx)

Soooo... the slightly deus ex machina of a power of some sort intervening to save him? Elias using yet unknown Beholding powers to save him? Another power’s avatar pulling his ass out of the fire again? At least it probably won’t be Helen, a.k.a. the one who usually shows up to save him, because having him rescued from this exact building by powers twice would be a bit bland, let alone by the SAME power twice. So who knows.

OH, know what WOULD be a good path to head down and not feel to arbitrary OR repetitive??

Mr. Spider to the rescue? >.>

Learn some stuff about the Web maybe? Could be a thing. Could not be a thing. Wouldn’t be a BAD time to start off/set up more Web plot lines by any means.

At any rate, imma have to guess that some fun / not as used / maybe mostly new plot line is about to get some love, because bitch, I don’t see any other smart way out for these nerds. >3>

(Of course, I might have missed something. Some clever escape setup that was already there within the current arc’s plot lines. It IS TMA after all. =p)

[beer-and-breakdowns]

do all 150 !! :)

Thanks for this Anon, I needed something to do, lmaoo

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My ex, which was a LOOONG time ago, lol

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

I’d say I’m a bit of both really, if I get to know you, I’d say I’m super outgoing but with new people I tend to be a little shy, unless the person I’m meeting has a lot in common with me personality wise and interest wise.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Well, I think I’m going out with one of my best friends tonight so her I guess!:)  (But the way I interpret this question, I’m also very excited to see a bunch of bands in the coming year, BFMV, Parkway, Currents, Slayer, Wage War, it’s looking good B))

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I’d say so! :)

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Yeah, I think so, she’s super kind-hearted.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

People with common ground with me.  Metalheads, laid-back people, fans of the same shit as me, etc.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Hahahahahahahanope.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

My mum bc my parents get back from a holiday today!  But also, that one person thats pretty much always on my mind, lol, rip meeee

No, lol

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

One of mutuals!:)

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Directions of where to find me for someone picking me up from work, lmaoo, HOW EXCITING

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

NOT THIS QUESTION D:  This is gonna be hard, and I can almost guarantee it wont be the same when you read this, lol.

Architects - Downfall, Polaris - Lucid, Currents - Forget Me, Architects - Doomsday, Currents - Life//Lost

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah, kinda lol

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe in luck, I think!  Not miracles tho, rip

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Well, it’s not over yet, but DOWNLOAD 2018 YEEEET!!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Yeah, why not

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

For sure!  I love believing all that crazy shit, its fun, and also very plausible!

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Nah, lol

19. Do you like bubble baths?

I like baths, but haven’t had a proper bubble bath in years (NO, I’m not a smelly bitch that doesn’t wash, I shower everyday)

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I dont know them super well bc I moved house a couple of years ago but from what I can tell yeah, they’re really nice!

21. What are you bad habits?

Nail biting, mostly.  I’m shit with money too if that counts, lol

22. Where would you like to travel?

LITERALLY EVERYWHERE OMG.  But a US road trip is on my bucket list!

23. Do you have trust issues?

Nope

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Probably my nightly music/tumblr session.  It’s so relaxing and my music taste is the fuckin’ bomb.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Probably my legs tbh, rip

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Scroll social media whilst my PC loads, lol

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Neither, but if I HAD to choose, darker

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My closest friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Nah, I don’t recall that anyway, rip

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Definitely!  Just, not for a little while

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Nope, wish it was tho (not for the pony tail, just want long hair, lol)

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Alexis Kaufman aaaaaaaaand Emily Kinney, maybe?

33. Spell your name with your chin.

oi9wen, went better than I thought, lol

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

HA no

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV 10000000000000%

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Yup

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing really, lmaoo!  I do try to start a new conversation if I’m not feeling too awkward tho!

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Ummm, I know them irl, lol.  Cute as hell, blonde, blue eyes, funny, kind as fuck, an all-round sweetheart with the looks to match.  

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

HMV, lol

40. What do you want to do after high school?

I WANNA PLAY MUSIC FOR A LIVING but that shits hard so idk bc nothing else interest me the way music does:(  Maybe something with psychology and killers.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Yes, 100%.  I fully believe rehabilitation and reformation can work for everyone with the right tools.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m either super tired or feeling sorry for myself, lmaoo

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yup, most of the time!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Space, even tho I’m scared of heights so getting in the rocket would be an ISSUE.  But the ocean is fuckin’ spooky man, I ain’t goin’ down there :o

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Being awake, lmaoo.  I sleep for more hours than I should but I’m not one for staying in bed and once I’m up, I’m up.

46. What are you paranoid about?

Not having a stable life after Uni tbh, the real world terrifies me, lol help.  But also, and probably moreso never making any progress with my music and hopeful music career.

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Yeeeeeee

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Nah

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black, probably, I dont normally wear hoodies tbh :o

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Originally, I was gonna say no, but then I remembered someone that I’ll forever be jealous of, so yes

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My legs probably hahaha

53. Favourite makeup brand?

What’s makeup?

54. Favourite store?

HMV, again, lol

55. Favourite blog?

Probably either @lovelyfoxes, @meowsonmeows, @emilyharrisxvii and @strawberry-sarcasm

56. Favourite colour?

Black (Dont go telling me that shits a shade and not a colour bc I’ll still say black.)

57. Favourite food? 

INDIAN FOOD PLS

58. Last thing you ate?

Katsu chicken

59. First thing you ate this morning?

^^^ Katsu chicken (I woke up late, okay)

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Nah, not that I can remember lol

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

7328916312 times.  Being annoying :): :))::)::) (No)

63. Ever been in love?

Yup, rip

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Idk, I kissed a girl.  Sorry it was super long ago and I didn’t think much of it at the time, it sorta just happened, lol

65. Are you hungry right now?

Nah, I’m FULL boii

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

No, but some of my tumblr frands are my irl friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter 1000000%

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr 1000000000000%

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Nope, havent in a while tbh

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Emily, Zac, Laura, Leo, Ethan

71. Craving something? What?

Attention.  Of a specific person.  YES PLS.

72. What colour are your towels?

White, black and grey.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Twooo

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Nope

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

7328131691

75. Favourite animal?

FOXES.  Or wolves.  Unless Dinosaurs count.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla, man

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Salted Caramel

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Black, lol

80. What colour pants?

V dark blue

81. Favourite tv show?

Atm, probablyyyyy The Walking Dead, Ray Donovan and WWE, lmaoo

82. Favourite movie?

The Domestics just recently took the spot over Pulp Fiction.  WATCH IT.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Only seen the first one, lel

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

21 Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Me

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Me (Prolly the turtle)

87. First person you talked to today?

My friend Leo

88. Last person you talked to today?

Who knows, probably my friend Emily

89. Name a person you hate?

Most modern “musicians”

90. Name a person you love?

Alexis Kaufman

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nope :)

92. In a fight with someone?

Nah, ya boii is mostly pacifist, I wont start shit

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Like, 1 pair, lol

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Prolly like 5 or 6?

95. Last movie you watched?

Looper

96. Favourite actress?

Hard to think atm, so probably off the top of my head Emily Blunt.

97. Favourite actor?

Mark Wahlberg or Johnny Depp

98. Do you tan a lot?

Hahahah, thats a massive nope

99. Have any pets?

I used to have a lil cat dude, but nah, not anymore

100. How are you feeling?

I’m goooood :)

101. Do you type fast?

Yeah, lmao

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Yeah, lol

103. Can you spell well?

Yeah, mostly, I stumble when typing sometimes, but I can correct myself quickly and its usually just a mis-click

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yeah, kinda

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Nope

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Probably, tbh

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Nah

108. What should you be doing?

Showering, oops

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Nah, not really! :)

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yes yes and YES

111. Do you have trust issues?

Nope

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Honestly I think it was my friend Emily, lol (U remember if ur reading this, Sax is never a good idea)

113. What was your childhood nickname?

I didn’t really have one :o

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yup, been to a few different countries

115. Do you play the Wii?

Used to, lol

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah boiiiiii B)

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

It’s pretty good!

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Ummmm yes

119. Favourite book?

Sorry internet, I’m not a massive reader 3  I don’t really have one :(

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Nah, used to be as a kid tho

121. Are you mean?

Nah, man

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No.  There’s probably a very VERY specific scenario brought on by many other specific actions within a relationship where it might, MAYBE, slightly be the smallest bit justified, but I don’t know what that would be off the top of my head and no one should break someone’s trust like that.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Nah, my shoes get dirty no matter where I go, lol

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yup

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah

126. Are you currently bored?

Nah, I love tumblr asks, dude

127. What makes you happy?

Music, friends and escapsim

128. Would you change your name?

Nah, I’ve come to terms with it now

129. What your zodiac sign?

Libra

130. Do you like subway?

Of course B)

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

I’d prolly see how it goes! :)  I certainly wouldn’t complain!

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

One of my mutuals!

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“No matter what it is we've facedIt's now part of usWe can overcome” - As I Lay Dying - Overcome

134. Can you count to one million?

I think? hahahah

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I had every single PS2 game ever created... kids, eh?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed 1000000%

137. How tall are you?

about 5′11″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight hair on me, doesn’t make a difference on others B)

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde (but Brunette is gorgeous too)

140. Summer or Winter?

Summer (But Christmas time is GREAT)

141. Night or Day?

Night, mostly!

142. Favourite month?

October, maybe?  Either than or July, idk

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark B)

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee

146. Was today a good day?

So far, yeah! :)

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars 100000000%

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“The best thing you can do is follow your dreams“ - James Owen Sullivan (The Rev)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yup, 100%!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

There isn’t one! :(

THANKS ANON!

[daphner20]

John Woodside

Forgiveness

Prologue “Today is the best day of my life,” said John Michael Woodside II joyfully. Am in grade 7 at the most prestigious Catholic High school in The Bahamas. St. Francis of Assisi, was the most competitive school to get in. There were almost a thousand entries, but only 100 applicants were accepted. John was in the top 5% with the highest score. He played soccer, baseball, basketball, and ran track. He also played the piano pretty well. Let’s see what they said “ he would be an asset to the school”. And the icing on the cake, I was an altar boy. My best friend Benjamin Hall, got accepted as well, this is so cool. John, didn’t think much of his life up to now. He was an only child. His father John Sr. , whom he loved fiercely, was his idol. His mother, (the prettiest woman in the world) whom he adore was his everything. His father, was quite a bit older than his mother (30 years). But they seem very happy. Most people called them wealthy, he knew they lived in a upscale gated community, he was chauffeur driven every where, and for as long as he could remember, he had travelled extensively, with his parents, ( his father had his own plane). He overheard, his father, telling his mom, that he was contemplating buying a yacht. “Time to go”, said his Father. “Do well, I am so proud of you”, beamed his Dad. “Thank you, daddy,” said John, as he hugged him, and kissed his mom. The first day of school, was everything, John, thought it will be, Benjamin, and I were in the same class. At recess, I heard my name on the PA system, to come to the Principal’s office. When I got there, my chauffeur, Mr. Lee was there.

He said , “there has been an accident.”

Chapter 1 John in his 12 years, never had to deal with anything distressing. Mr. Lee, didn’t offer any other information. We he got to the house, there were so many people there. He wanted to see his father, because Daddy will explain everything to him. However, it was his mom, who came to him. She was disheveled, no makeup, track suit and sneakers, this isn’t my mom. “ Where is Daddy?, I asked. “ Your father, is dead, he suffered a heart attack this morning,” she said sobbing. “ This can’t be, I just saw him this morning,” I said in disbelief. “I want to see him, this can’t be,” I shouted. ‘Its true Johnny,” she was openly sobbing. As I looked around, all the staff was crying as well. Then I knew, my daddy was gone, my heart just melted, and I just couldn’t stopped the tears. Suddenly, my father’s lawyer Mr. Campbell told my mom, that he needed to speak with her in my dad’s study. I noticed, that 3 men and a woman, entered, as well. I have never seen them in my life. About half and hour later, I heard my mom screaming, No! I can’t loose another parent I thought, as I burst through the study door. “Leave my mother alone,” I shouted. Then this man turned at looked with such hatred, “ so this is the bastard” he said cruelly. “ Stop it,” said my mother “ Stop what,” said the stranger, “ I am just getting started.”

“ What is your name?” asked the female stranger. ‘ John Michael Woodside the second,” I said proudly. “ Unbelievable,” shouted male stranger, “He gave his bastard his name.” “ Stopped saying that,” said my mother, “he is a little boy.” “ Do you know, who we are?, asked male stranger 2. “ No,” I said. The girl stranger, just starting crying, “he forgot about us,” she continued crying. Finally, stranger male 3, said, “ we are your brothers and sister. I am Jason, I am the second,, this is James, the third son, this is Jasmine our sister. And this is the eldest son, John Michael Woodside the second.” He pointed to the first stranger. I looked to my mother, for affirmation, she looked liked her worst nightmare had just came true. “ How come we have the same name, as our father,” I asked the first John the second. “That is not your name, he was not your father, and we are nothing to you,” he said angrily. Mr. Campbell, finally spoke, “Let us show some respect for your father. I know that emotions are raw, but don’t let us say anything we will regret.” “ Considering my father, never divorce our mother, from this moment on, I am now the head of this family.” John the first second said as a matter of fact.

Chapter 2 The day my dad was buried, it was dark and wet like my soul. My mother and I were not allowed to attend. The servants were, but not us. In one week’s time. My whole world was turn upside down. When my mom, meet my dad, she was 20 and he was 50. She was his junior secretary, at the Offshore Bank, where he was the President. My brothers were

28, 26, 23, and Jasmine was 18. With my dad being Catholic, he didn’t divorce their mother. My mom, got pregnant with me 2 years later. I was their love child. Because of the scandal, he was forced to retire, however, he took two thirds of the bank clients, and open up his own private trust company. My mom and I became his family. His children never forgave him or spoke to him again. So, in one week, because my dad didn’t leave a will. My oldest brother, became his heir. First decree, we were not allowed to attend the funeral. We were kicked out of the house. My name was taken from me. My dad’s name was never on my birth certificate, ( my parents were not married) so my name was John Michael Munnings. ( my mom’s maiden name) And finally, I never returned to St. Francis of Assisi. There was no provision for our future. My mother left all of that to my dad. I hated every thing and everyone. Things couldn’t get worse, don’t bet on it! We had no place to go, my mother didn’t want to keep me out of school, much longer, so she decided to return home. Because, we had little money, we had to take a mail boat to Orange Creek, Andros, that was my mom’s home. The boat took 10 hours, and we arrived at 5 am the next day. An elderly man, came to pick us up, in an old beat up truck. He didn’t say one word to my mom. He just loaded up our things on the truck.. I don’t know how long we were driving, but it felt forever. We pulled into a modest wooden house. I couldn’t see much, it was still dark. The old man, put our stuff in a small room, with an even smaller bed, and left. My mom told me to go back to sleep. Later that morning, mummy got me up. She told me she had to enroll me in school. This was another Catholic School, but it wasn’t like the one in Nassau. It had from kindergarten to grade 12. The average size of the class was 10 students. I could still wear my St. Francis of Assisi school uniform. Everyone seem friendly enough.

St. Thomas More, was the name of the school, it was a 20 minute walk to the house, everyone lived in the settlement. On the island, instead of towns, they were called settlements. When I got to the house, I was formally introduce to my maternal grandparents. Charles and Louise Munnings. My mother, looked exactly liked my grandma. My grandmother did all the talking. “Your mother, has brought shame and disgrace to this family, we will keep you, but she is not welcome here.” I looked at my mom, who was sobbing quietly. “Please Mummy, don’t leave me, “ I begged. “ It will only be for a short while,” Mummy said. “I will come back for you, and we will get our life back.” That night, as I lay on my tiny bed, I made a vow, I will never forgive my mother, or my siblings.

Chapter 3 “ Do you have your speech,” asked my Grandfather. “Yes sir,” I replied. I am the Valedictorian of St. Thomas More Prep. It’s been six years. I thought it was going to be 3 months! My mom, never came back. She got married, two years later, and guess to whom? Yep my oldest brother, John the second. He has truly taken every thing away from me. Life on Andros, was hard. Firstly, my grandparents who were devoted Catholics, had the mindset, church and work. My grandfather was a Catechist, and grandma played the organ in church. I took that role over when I became 15, 2 mass every Sunday, and the high seasons. My grandfather was a fisherman. He liked to say,” they were Jesus' s favorite people.”

So, for the last 6 years, this was my life: devotions at 5am, rain or shine; feed the chickens, rain or shine; (grandma sold organic eggs) ; school, rain or shine; mass rain or shine. After school, I helped Grandpa, with the nets and his boat. I asked God, that if I ever get of this island, may I never returned. My grandfather believed, that I will follow in his footsteps. I wanted to be an investment banker, like my dad. I wanted to make so much money, that no one will ever be responsible for my well being, only me. Unbeknown to me, my guidance counselor, Mrs. Smith had fill out several scholarship applications, and I got them all. Because I was 18. I didn’t need anyone’s permission or consent. Thank you Lord. As I walked down to the graduation ceremony, I knew my mother, will not be there, I haven’t seen or spoken to her in 6 years. My grandparents, never discussed her, and neither did I. I thought of my dad, and the last thing he said to me was “I am proud of you”. I have no more tears left. A month later, as I said goodbye to my grandparents. I was on my way to St. John's University, New York, on a full ride. I knew that I didn’t want to see this country again, or my family. “Thank you Grandfather,” I said as I shook his hands. “ Thank you Grandma,” I said as I kissed her cheeks. “Goodbye son,” they said in unison. Chapter 4 As I looked out on Central Park, from my penthouse, I had to pat myself on the back. You have made it. Forbes Magazine, had just listed me, as one of the youngest millionaires under 35 ( I was 32). It’s been 14 years, since I left Andros. I didn’t returned even when my grandma died 3 years ago. There wasn’t nothing there for me . I am living my best life. It’s 6am and my cellphone is blowing up, who is calling me? And from a 242 area code The Bahamas. “ Hello,” I said in my most annoyed voice.

“ Good, morning Johnny, this is Mrs. Smith from Andros, your grandfather, has been airlifted to the city on an emergency flight. He is at Nassau Hospital. He is asking for you, so don’t tarry. I came on the flight with him, so I will you see you when you get here.” Click. “Why me,�� asked John, as he booked a flight, made hotel arrangements, and cancelled all of his appointments for the next week. As the flight touchdown in Nassau, the country of his birth, John heart was hurting. “20 years,” he muttered to himself. He hadn’t been back in 20 years. When he got at the hospital, Mrs. Smith, just hold him tightly. “ Go in John,” she said quietly. As I walked in the room, lying on that bed was not Charles Isaac Munnings. Not the imposing figure of my childhood. The man laying there was frail and fragile, he was hooked up to a lot of machines. He opened his eyes, and motioned me to come closer. “Forgive me,” he said weakly. “ No Grandpa, forgive me, I should have come back sooner.” “ No, son, unforgiveness, has robbed from me of a relationship, with your mom, my only child for over 35 years. When you came to us, it was like God was giving us a second chance. But we were so bitter and angry with Carol, that we couldn’t see that we were creating you to be like us. The greatest gift you can give your self, is a spirit of forgiveness. Johnny, my dear son, My departure is at hand. Forgive your mom, and your siblings. Forgive me and your grandma. Bury me in Andros, with your grandma. Now pray with me one last time.’ “Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be your name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespassed against us.” Then my grandpa died. And after 20 years, as the tears flowed, I finally found Peace.

As I knocked on my father’s door, Mr. Lee open the door. “ Master John,” he exclaimed with genuine warmth.

“ Hello Mr. Lee, I replied, is my mother here?” He hesitated for a moment, “ Don’t worry Mr. Lee, it’s ok.” He pointed at my dad's study. As I entered the room, to my surprise, they were all there. My mom, John the second, Jason, James and Jasmine. The glass fell out of my mom’s hand. “ Johnny?” It was more of a question, than statement. “Yes, I said, “ Your father died today, here in Nassau, but he wants to be buried in Andros, because you are his child, I need your permission to release the body. I will take care of all of the arrangements. My mother, still a beautiful woman at 54, aged immediately, that is when she finally moved, and cried in my neck for eternity. “ John, forgive me,” she cried. “ Its ok Mum, the hand of The Almighty, has been with me, all these 20 years, what the enemy meant for evil, the Lord made it for my good.” I said. My grandfather left me, every thing he owned, one hundred acres of land in Andros. And now I own the largest commercial fishing company in The Bahamas. It has provided over 90% of employment in Andros. Plus grandma organic eggs, has become a house hold name. THE END

[beautyisreligion]

To distract myself from being suicidal I answered lots of questions

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Can’t remember it’s been a while 
2. Are you outgoing or shy? More shy 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? My fren jazmyn tomorrow :) 
4. Are you easy to get along with? I hope so 
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? Person I like???! Like friends??? What? 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Girls. 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Nah 
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? Professional hockey player Auston Matthews. 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Nah 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Deep??? Idk 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? So we don’t have a cooler really 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? Green light So far (it's alright)  Where do you go (to my lovely)  Subdivisions (the nsp version tho)  Scar tissue  
 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?  Ye 
 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
 man idk 15. What good thing happened this summer?
 im too sad to b positive rn thanks 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
 yep 17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
 hell yeah man come on

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
 i dont even really know who my first crush was 19. Do you like bubble baths? if the bath is big enough for my gross body then ya 
20. Do you like your neighbours?
 I dont really like people in general man (not 2 b emo) 21. What are you bad habits?
 Eating all the time. Being messy. Being sad. 22. Where would you like to travel?
 Greece. And go back to toronto. 23. Do you have trust issues?
 hell yeah 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? the fuck is a routine???????//????? 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
 the entire concept of “body” makes me uncomfortable 26. What do you do when you wake up? either like 8am or 4pm 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
 neither????? 28. Who are you most comfortable around? no one (1) 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? i have nver dated any person 
30. Do you ever want to get married?
 no 31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? ye 
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
 oh bruh tons. rn i’d say tom hollands and zendaya 33. Spell your name with your chin.
 nikcfolld 34. Do you play sports? i havent moved in centuries 
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
 no idea 37. What do you say during awkward silences?
 nothing. they are silent. 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
 someone who is nice and likes me 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
 slavation army and winners and like urban planet 40. What do you want to do after high school?
 die 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no. 
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
 tired. specific kind of sad. 43. Do you smile at strangers?
 i try to 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean! 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? nothing. 
46. What are you paranoid about?
 all. 47. Have you ever been high? I smoked weed once but i didnt really feel anything so i guess no 
48. Have you ever been drunk? yeah like twice 
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? this probably 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black 
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
 all.the.time 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
 all. 53. Favourite makeup brand? bruh???idk 
54. Favourite store?
 didnt u ask this aready 55. Favourite blog? ob-elisk 
56. Favourite colour? black 
57. Favourite food? 
 greek 58. Last thing you ate? im ashamed of it so no
 u dont get to know 59. First thing you ate this morning? mango 
60. Ever won a competition? For what? yeah a lot back in the day for ballet 
61. Been suspended/expelled? nah 62. Been arrested? nah 
63. Ever been in love? how should i know  
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
 it was gay and fun 65. Are you hungry right now?
 no 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? they are the same people 
67. Facebook or Twitter?
 twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr? tunglr.hel 
69. Are you watching tv right now?
 no 70. Names of your bestfriends? i dont know what “best friends” means 
71. Craving something? What?
 death 72. What colour are your towels? blue 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? dos 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? ye 
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? in me bed: 3 in me house: more 
75. Favourite animal?
 elephants and dogs and cats and coons andbears and corvids and moths and spiders 76. What colour is your underwear?
 white 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate boo i aint a madman 
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
 CHOCOLATE 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
 black 80. What colour pants?
 white + green 81. Favourite tv show?
 brooklyn 99 i think 82. Favourite movie?
 lilo and stich silence of the lambs dark knight 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? come on. obviously the OG. 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? both. 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? janis 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? 
Crush 87. First person you talked to today?
 me mom 88. Last person you talked to today?
 me mom 89. Name a person you hate? dad. donald trump. hitler. johnny depp. men. 
90. Name a person you love? me sis 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? 
dad. donald trump. hitler. johnny depp. men.  92. In a fight with someone? nah i dont think so 
93. How many sweatpants do you have? 2 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? lots 
95. Last movie you watched? back to the future 
96. Favourite actress?
 julie andrews 97. Favourite actor?
 heath ledger 98. Do you tan a lot? i dont leave my home thanks 
99. Have any pets?
 4 kitties and a ghosst dog 100. How are you feeling? b a d 
101. Do you type fast?
 not really 102. Do you regret anything from your past? i dont believe in regret 
103. Can you spell well? not as well as you’d hope from an AP english student. and way worse in french. 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yes. my lovely and dead grandparents 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? a what 
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
 lmao not that i know b 107. Have you ever been on a horse?
 like a decade ago yeah 108. What should you be doing? sleeping 
109. Is something irritating you right now?
 insomnia and depression and self hatred 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? meh 
111. Do you have trust issues?
 yeeeeeEEEBOYYY 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? dont member. prly me mam. 
113. What was your childhood nickname? one time i got called nicky and my mom got mad at the kid and i was too scared to say that i liked that someone was close enough to me to call me that but then our friendship fell apart :((( 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes, a lot. im very fortunate 
115. Do you play the Wii? wanted one when i was younger and never got one 
116. Are you listening to music right now? nah but i wish (am too lazy and sad) 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? am a vegetarian 
118. Do you like Chinese food? ye specially noodles 
119. Favourite book? Misery or paper towns or harry potter or percy jackson or i dont know really 
120. Are you afraid of the dark? no 
121. Are you mean? i hope not. i try not to be 
122. Is cheating ever okay? what does “okay” mean 
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no 
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes. 
125. Do you believe in true love? yes. 
126. Are you currently bored? i dont know man 
127. What makes you happy? blissfull ignorance of my mental disorders even for a moment 
128. Would you change your name? yeah. my last name so that its not my dads anymore 
129. What your zodiac sign? virgo 
130. Do you like subway? yeah 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? wake up from the vivid day dream 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? deep???? 
133. Favourite lyrics right now? “And she lays down on her bedroom floor The chemicals that make her laugh Don't seem to be working anymore” 
134. Can you count to one million? what????no??? 
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? anything i ever told my dad to try to avoid his rage 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 
137. How tall are you?
 5 foot 9 138. Curly or Straight hair?
 in between 139. Brunette or Blonde? me??? im brunette 
140. Summer or Winter? death 
141. Night or Day? death 
142. Favourite month? time aint real and neither are months 
143. Are you a vegetarian? i am :) 
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? dark!!!!11!!!!!!!!!11! 
145. Tea or Coffee? coffee. 
146. Was today a good day? it never is. 
147. Mars or Snickers? neither. 
148. What’s your favourite quote?
 “When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.” “I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” 149. Do you believe in ghosts?
 i d o n t k n o w 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “About a year or so after we moved to Scarborough, my parents and their friends began having weekend get-togethers.”  

(via lookingfortronler)

[writersriot]

@neepcreature

So so sorry it took me forever to get back to your response to Part 16!! I also apologize for my long-ass response haha, hence why this is in a separate post. Because I am a rambler who talks to much concerning my special interests.

When Two-Bit and Marcia get married (in my mind haha), they would absolutely end the rivalry lol. I just love how they instantly bonded over their shared sense of humor, but then we never heard about them again. Like dude, what happened to my one het ship in this book haha.

The ages!! Oh god the ages lolol. See, the way these characters’ ages are written. . .just doesn’t make sense. I don’t know if this came from Hinton writing as a teenager and making certain assumptions about how people act at certain ages?? I know by the time kids are seniors in high school, around 17-18, they look at the freshmen, around 13-15, and think they’re babies haha. And sometimes the ones who are out of high school but still basically youths seems so much older and wiser (which, lol.)

Darry is 20, but god at 20 I knew nothing, and Darry is holding up his family by himself. Even Two-Bit is 18 going on 19 yet still in school, not even a senior yet. And he’s the oldest of the gang, which really makes me think Darry isn’t usually involved with the gang so much as maybe Soda is. I think Two-Bit even mentions that he’d beat down Pony if he weren’t Soda’s kid brother, so it makes me think this gang is mostly made of these boys who went to the same school for at least some time and who live in the same neighborhood. (So like Pony and Darry are included in the gang because they’re related to Soda I guess)

Because Soda is 16 going on 17, which I assume Steve is as well since they’re best friends. Who else is that age?? Johnny. With Dally only a year older. Like lol forever. Because really, is it Pony wanting to be part of the gang so much and to be taken seriously like you said? Like Pony kind of latches onto Johnny as a type of kindred-spirit as shy, quiet types that Pony makes assumptions about Johnny, seeing him as younger than he is and closer to Pony’s age? ‘Cause even though Johnny is Pony’s friend, I feel like Johnny sees Pony as a younger brother he would (and does) protect.

I also think maybe Pony fundamentally doesn’t understand the relationship Johnny has with the other members of the gang either because he doesn’t see it. I think his notion of this is amended a bit at the end of the book, when it’s too late unfortunately.

So is the infantilizing of Johnny really as bad as it seems in Pony’s perspective? Or is it just Pony’s interpretation of events? I mean, we know Johnny is small for his age, which can happen to kids raised in abusive situations, though of course it could be he’s a little of a late bloomer puberty-wise. And we know the gang wants to protect Johnny due to his abusive and neglectful home life. Pony says Johnny is the “pet” of the gang, which I don’t even know what to make of other than Pony making assumptions.

Here’s a kid very near the same age as most of the guys in the gang, yet due to his size and likely being in the same class as Pony, he maybe gets treated like another little brother. But he’s the little brother you don’t fuck with at all. And honestly, Pony calls Johnny the pet, but we really don’t see that kind of dramatic behavior from the rest of the gang. They’re protective of him, absolutely. But it’s honestly as if the only one who infantilizes Johnny is, in fact, Ponyboy himself? Like, I just don’t get those “he’s the pet” vibes from the rest of the gang so much as “Johnny’s already been through shit so don’t give him any more” vibes.

And this infantilizing of Johnny I think is what makes readers think he’s Pony’s age instead of the same age as most of the gang. And I think it’s why some people are against the Johnny/Dally ship as well? Like they see it as a dramatic age and power difference, when really, I think that’s only due to Pony’s narrative of everyone and not actually what the subtext implies. That’s my analysis of it.

Oh gosh, I followed Hinton on twitter just a little before her rude responses started up and garnered so much attention back in October last year. I thought, oh cool, another author to love -- oh shit nevermind. Like she would tweet some good stuff and then make me kind of despise her when answering questions about The Outsiders lol. So yes, I saw all of her. . .Hinton-ness. She honestly should have said, “That wasn’t my intention writing these characters, but it’s cool if readers see something else,” and left it at that. And maybe people should have stopped asking her if the characters were gay and just said, “I see them as gay no matter what lol bye” like haha that’s the only way I would ever do it because I don’t need an author’s permission to read their book a certain way.

But I stg Hinton needs to go back over what she wrote. Because what she thinks she wrote and what actually made it onto the page appear to be different. Like if she wanted to make Johnny really excited to talk to girls. . .I’m sorry, that just didn’t happen. And she kept saying “where’s the textual evidence?” and I’m like read your fucking book, lady! Or get a queer person to read it and explain it to you because you didn’t actually manage to make Johnny’s heterosexuality set in stone lol. I was twelve, attending Catholic school, and I was like damn that’s hella gay. Like I didn’t even really have a good concept of “gay” but I knew Johnny and Dally were pinging my gaydar haha. And I’m hella aroace and I could still see the subtext of it playing out through the book.

At her age, if Hinton really weren’t homophobic, she could probably look at what she wrote fifty years ago as a teenager and think, “huh maybe this is a little queerer than I thought I was writing back then. Welp.” Because by her own admission she says she didn’t know any queer people growing up, which lol I call BS she just didn’t know any OUT queer people. She’s one of those types of people that says, “Ask anyone if it was cute to be gay in the 60s” as if queer people didn’t exist back then with their own community.

It’s like she’s ignoring the counter-culture of hippies that came about in the 60s. And there was a queer movement from the 50s that resembled the picture of manliness, I forget what it’s called now, which is something Greasers apparently actuated by controlling their emotions and seeming utterly “cool” which honestly, is not the type of Greaser Hinton wrote about with their violent feelings haha. Plus there’s a whole punk and queer movement on the cusp of this, so Hinton can’t convince me everywhere in the 60s was homophobic. Maybe Tulsa, Oklahoma had it’s fair share of bigots but my god.

Queer people existed back then, and now we are all more widely accepted, so maybe instead of contributing to a stifling culture of authorial intent of heteronormativity, how about she reconsider what it could mean for her characters to be considered queer in this day and age as good role models and that sure, it’s okay to be queer. Granted, the two I believe are the most queer are the ones who end up dead so it maybe just adds to the “bury your gays” trope but who knows. In that case, Hinton might think for the 60s that would actually be accurate representation. (I’m sorry, maybe that was mean lol).

Anyway, clearly I’m a little bitter over how she handled the situation because I started writing this series after all.

Johnny absolutely has PTSD! I’m glad you brought that up because you’re right, I haven’t mentioned it in this series yet. But it’s very important to consider that Johnny comes from an abusive and neglectful home, and then he gets attacked by the Socs which is a hugely traumatic event. The kid is a mess, and I feel so badly for him because he’s just trying to survive. But absolutely it’s a concept that isn’t recognized in the book, and honestly I think it’s difficult for kids and even teens to recognize trauma and PTSD for what it is. I know I didn’t recognize being in an abusive situation until much later in life. And it seems like the type of household Johnny came from was common in the 60s because I hear stories from my mom and even my gramma that make me go “wtf that is abusive as shit.” So I definitely think Hinton herself didn’t realize she was writing a character with PTSD as we would analyze it now.

That’s why it is interesting that Cherry does recognize that Johnny has had some kind of trauma. I absolutely believe it’s leaking from Johnny’s pores most of the time, and sometimes stuff like that is more obvious to people who don’t see a person every day. And Pony definitely doesn’t have the vocabulary or knowledge of PTSD, so you’re right, that may very well be why Pony describes Johnny as shy. Because Pony also describes Johnny as looking like a kicked puppy most days, and I just ugh cry a little. It absolutely sounds like Two-Bit triggers a dissociative episode, but that Pony would only see it as Johnny being jumpy and scared. Like Pony would just have no concept of how traumatic the attack was for Johnny, even despite Pony having his own form of PTSD after the death of his parents, which we see a reoccurrence of after Johnny’s death. Just all around, I feel so much for these boys.

I could chalk this up to Hinton’s writing, but again she was a teenager herself, so I want to say that she just needed a narrative device of trauma without necessarily seeing what that means for the characters. Having the narrator say Johnny is shy when he really doesn’t exhibit that behavior just shows me that Hinton didn’t have a great grasp on what she was writing either. That’s why many readers have such a different reaction to the story because we recognize the trauma, the PTSD, the abuse, and yes, the queer subtext. But these are issues that I never heard discussed in any classes, it was always the Socs versus the Greasers and what “the same sunset” bullshit means and asking about the abuse without framing it as abuse. It’s like only a surface-level reading of these characters that I could never stand because I saw so much more to them. It’s a pity that Hinton can’t see beyond the surface of the story she wrote either.

So yeah, anyway. Long post is long, and I hope my rambling made some sort of sense?? Uh, I ALWAYS want discussions like this, even on previous posts or just on their own if you say, “hey I was thinking about this” like I will be right on your page!! Sorry for bombarding you with such a lengthy, nonsensical response, but thank you for having discussions with me, it makes my life meaningful and my special interest in The Outsiders feel like it hasn’t been wasted the last uh almost couple decades haha.

[evenstevensranked]

#50: Season 3, Episode 20 - “Surf’s Up”

Recurring character Zack Estrada invites Twitty to go surfing with him and his friends. Out of jealousy, Louis, who was not invited — invites himself.. which causes all sorts of drama. Meanwhile, Ren meets and falls for a guy named Gil who she has reason to believe might be a merman.

Okay, so I just want to start off by saying… a lot of people don’t like this episode. I looked at some old forums from 2000-2006 recently and so many people were like “This episode sucked!” right after it initially aired, lol. I guess I can see why they felt that way, but this episode is actually one of my personal favorites. Why have I ranked it #50 then, you ask? Well, upon re-watching.. it felt a little flat and sort of dragged on. It wasn’t as funny or strong as I remembered, but I still absolutely love the basis for the whole thing. If we’re looking at what I’m basing my rankings on, this one probably meets only 2 of the 6 requirements - “personal favorite” and “quality plot line.” So, now that you know my reasoning... let’s dive in. (Pun intended.)

In the opening scene, we see Louis and Twitty at lunch when *dun dun dunnnn* Zack Estrada calls Twitty over and invites him to go surfing at Troubadour Point. Now, this episode actually marks Zack’s last appearance. So, without getting into detail.. Basically, Louis has always been super jealous of this dude. Like, incredibly jealous. The jealousy dates back to early Season 1 and spans 4 episodes throughout the shows run. I refer to it as The Zack Estrada Saga. And here, it continues. The third to last episode of the series, and he’s still jealous.

I know that feel, Lou. 

When Twitty returns to their lunch table he’s talking excitedly about spring break. Which, piggybacking off of what I said last week, is another reason why I fully believe these kids were intended to be high school students. Because, no middle schoolers I know go gallivanting off to the beach unsupervised for spring break, lol. But, hey! Maybe it’s different in 2017. Nah, yeah. Something’s telling me it’s definitely different in 2017. Middle schoolers look and act 25 years old these days, so.

Louis’ jealousy is very evident when he passive aggressively asks Twitty when he started hanging out with Zack and his friends. Twitty says he went surfing with them last spring break while Louis was at a temper tantrum workshop. This is the first funny moment of the episode. Louis responds by screaming at Twitty on the verge of tears, “nOW YOU LISTEN HERE! I EXPRESS MYSELF APPROPRIATELY NOW!” Louis decides to go ahead and invite himself to Troubadour Point even though he has no idea how to surf.

This episode was always somewhat refreshing to me, because it’s one of the only ones where we see our characters in an environment other than their houses or school. That’s something cool about early Disney Channel shows. They weren’t contrived or restricted to a sound stage on a fake beach like Hannah Montana, for example. They’re actually at a real beach and I love it. 

They make a point to show Twitty and the owner of the beach shack rub a sacred lucky surf idol tiki thing and say “Pray for waves!” Louis enters the shack with his surfboard (which is bad luck apparently) and knocks over the tiki. Yikes. This reminds me of The Brady Bunch Hawaii episode, lol. I was just waiting for the bad luck music to play. Zack was already a little annoyed when Twitty told him Louis was coming, so now… his dislike for Louis is pretty strong. 

Side note: I feel like Disney Channel totally typecast Brandon Baker as that ~ethnic surfer bro.~ For those of you who don’t know or never realized, he also played Johnny Kapahala (a.k.a Johnny Tsunami). I just came across this cute little followup series Disney did with him last year. Side side note: Brandon is actually biracial (white and fillipino) and they portrayed that accurately on screen in the Johnny movies! Random to mention, I know. But I’m biracial so I get oddly happy when I notice this stuff, lol.

There are actually two mini subplots in this episode, which might contribute to its “off”-ness. We have Tom who’s trying to build a perfect sandcastle. And we have Beans who’s metal detecting, but just ends up stealing people’s stuff. Beans really shouldn’t be there. His bit is useless. I understand it was most likely an attempt to get everyone involved in the fun beach location episode.. but, I feel like there might be too many things going on here.

Tawny is sitting by Tom, all covered up from the sun. Tom asks her why she isn’t helping with the sand castle and she’s like “Oh, I’m just waiting for a little more cloud cover.” And, Tom says “Oh. Right. Heaven forbid a ray of sunshine should touch your precious porcelain skin.” Tom is the best. But of course.. Twitty, Zack and the surfer bros go running to the ocean and step all over the castle. Louis is trailing behind them like a lovable uncoordinated doofus and ruins the remainder of it. Tom is so sad. Bless his heart.

Ren, Ruby and Monique are chilling on the beach too when some guys ask them to hang out. Side note: This one dude who Monique runs away with!! I always thought he looked familiar and as I was watching it again today — it hit me! He went on to be a member of fictional boyband Boyz N Motion from That’s So Raven! Omg. I looked it up just to make sure, and I was in fact correct. His name is Michael Copon. So, there’s that.

Ren is on the dock throwing pebbles and shells into the sea when a guy emerges from the water and throws shells back at her, lol ok. The two start talking and she finds out his name is Gil! Yep. THE Gil who breaks her heart in a pancake house in The Even Stevens Movie. Gil swims away, and Ren can’t help but notice the giant glimmering fin that splashes in the water. I’d honestly be a little confused, too.

My inner subconscious Social Justice Warrior came out a bit when Ren sees Monique and Ruby doing their hair and makeup and says “Ah! Makeup and hairspray at the beach. Very nice, girls. I thought you already met some guys.” To which they respond, “Yeah, and we wanna keep them.” NOOOOOO! Sorry. I hate to view things through that lens, but after spending so much time on Tumblr and Twitter (especially in the current climate of the country) it just rubs off on you! Ugh. You can’t escape it! Anyway, Ren tells them about Gil and the whole fin thing and they find it absolutely hilarious.

Out on the ocean, Twitty and Zack’s crew are bummed because there are no waves. Zack angrily says “Pfft! I wonder why…” And gives Louis the nastiest look as he comes paddling up to them all happy. I feel so bad. Zack yells at him for bringing his board into the shack and breaking the lucky surf idol. The gang desert Louis and head back to the beach for lunch. Twitty sides with them saying “sometimes I just need to do my own thing, man” and leaves Louis alone in the middle of the ocean. My poor baby. :(

I will not stand for this! Protect Louis Stevens at all costs. 

Louis goes back to the beach and once again walks right through Tom’s sandcastle. Come on, man! You could’ve walked around it, lol. It’s not even like he was running.. he was casually walking. I can’t. He goes to the dock and finds Ren with binoculars looking for Gil. The two of them have a “conversation” that’s not really a conversation. It’s just them going back and forth ranting about their own problems without actually listening to the other. It’s a cute sibling moment, haha. I actually really love Louis and Twitty’s friendship, though. They’re like an old married couple in this episode. I think it’s adorable. During this scene Louis is so fed up with Twitty ditching him for Zack, so he decides to go surf on his own. Meanwhile, Ren is ranting about Gil being real, knowing what she saw and that she’s not crazy.

“At least your best friend didn’t ditch ya. He’s hanging out with his ~new~ surfer buddies. They’re probably having a good’ol time. Laughing, eating onion rings. Twitty doesn’t even like onion rings! Ya know?! So, it’s weird. He’s probably faking like he likes them!” I love this.

Ren decides to go out on the ocean in a boat and call for Gil by making dolphin noises. She brought sardines to lure him with and everything. This is pretty funny and one of my favorite scenes because it’s rooted in miscommunication. Plots with comedic miscommunication are one of my favorite things ever and it’s executed really well here. Naturally, Gil pops up from the water. Like... I’d believe he’s a merman, too. Why is he out there in the ocean all the time?! What was he doing underwater?! How long was he under?! How was he breathing?! All valid questions. 

How creepy is that?! lol

He swims over to Ren and tells her he was getting Lobsters for his dad, King Neptune. I’m dead. She’s like “Wow. So you really are a sea person…” - “Yep, born and raised!” he says. This is gold. Then we get a super cringy, awkward moment. After a tiny bit of flirting, Gil proceeds to dramatically kiss Ren????? Slow your rolls, buddy. That’s a little fast for Disney Channel, don’t you think? They just met 2 hours ago at the most, and Ren is in middle school. I’M TELLIN YA! THESE KIDS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE JUNIORS AND SENIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I SWEAR! It’s the only logical explanation for certain stuff. 

Beans is a freaking idiot who hovered his metal detector over peoples’ pocketbooks and crap all day and stole their personal belongings. But he refers to it as “buried treasure.” How stupid can you be?! Like I said, he’s pretty useless here and did not need to be included in the episode. Plus, you know I’m not the biggest Beans fan. Finally, we see him hover the detector over a tip jar in the shack. He goes to steal all of it before Tawny stops him. Tom comes over and announces that the Lost and Found is open, yelling out all of the items in Beans’ bag lol. There’s one bit where Tom shouts “ONE GOLDEN……. oh geez, this is mine” and sneakily puts it in his pocket. Uh. What the heck was it?! Do I even want to know? Can anyone tell what that is?

While everyone’s in the shack sulking over the lack of waves, Twitty decides to go out and attempt to surf again. While he’s sitting out there, a freaking giant wave comes out of nowhere and sweeps him away. Louis notices and runs to Twitty’s rescue! They don’t skimp on the dramatics here. Louis kicks into full Baywatch slo-mo mode with an 80s knockoff power jam “You can count on mEeEeeE, I will always beeee thereeee for youuUuUuU” playing in the background. So good.

One thing I really like about Even Stevens is that it doesn’t take itself too seriously. They’ll throw in giant computer generated waves, and a terrible green screen job - but it doesn’t matter. It’s not supposed to look good, it’s supposed to be funny. It doesn’t need to look real to sell the moment on this show. (Christy said something similar on the movie’s DVD commentary!) If this scene looked realistic, the episode would pull a 180 and turn into a drama. That’s not what they were going for, haha. 

A totally not superimposed Twitty getting swept away.

Louis cracks me up. Literally anything out of his mouth is funny because of the way Shia phrases it. Once he rescues Twitty he says “You know what’s funny to me? That the worst surfer in the world is havin’ to save Hot Shot Surfer Boy over here.” They proceed to argue like an old married couple some more. Twitty says he never called himself Hot Shot Surfer Boy. Louis calls Twitty two-faced and insists he buy him a Philly Cheese Steak to apologize. It’s so petty, I love it so much. When suddenly… ANOTHER WAVE COMES OUT OF NOWHERE! We get a wonderful Louis Scream as they frantically paddle. They end up briefly surfing the wave together. 

Twitty: “DUDE THIS IS SO AWESOME THIS WAVE’S LIKE… 10 FEET OVER OUR HEADS!” Louis: “DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT, TWITTY! I’M STILL MAD AT CHUUUU!”

Louis falls off and disappears into the sea, which is hilarious looking. But, also awful because if this was a drama, he would’ve died. But, anyway. Twitty comes riding up to shore and everyone surrounds him with praise for conquering that gnarly wave all by himself. Meanwhile, Louis washes up to shore covered in seaweed. This poor child. The two of them share one of those conflicting ~emotional~ moments where one person knows they’re being a jerk and looks off sadly at the person they’re letting down. :( Thankfully, Twitty tells the truth when Zack asks him how he caught the wave and everyone’s shocked that Louis actually did something right.

Ren’s sitting on the beach when some guy approaches her, and she realizes it’s Gil…? But, he’s walking? With legs? And then everything gets cleared up. “King Neptune” is the name of his dad’s seafood company, and he swims with a uni-fin flipper. I almost wish there were more layers of miscommunication! It could’ve been even funnier.  

Louis and Twitty end up having a heart to heart while sitting in Tom’s sandcastle. It’s precious. I wish I had a friendship that tight. Instead I’m sitting here, indoors, blogging about a fictional friendship. Twitty apologizes for ditching Louis, and Louis apologizes for inviting himself. But, Twitty says he’s glad he did because he might not be alive. “Yeah… The whole save your life thing. Whatever, it’s all in a day’s work.” I love Louis. How could you not be this guys friend?! To this day, I wish I had a friend as funny and chill as Louis. Dang. Twitty even bought him a Philly Cheese Steak! Aw. They split it and it’s a nice moment. But, as they’re eating.. they have to throw in a bad line. “Huh. It’s a little dry, isn’t it?” Louis asks. Cue another giant CG wave. Get it? Now the sub isn’t dry anymore! Hah..hahaa..ha…? I never thought that line was particularly funny. It’s almost on par with this terribly cheesy (and insensitive) deleted scene from Titanic. But the visual of them getting hit by the fake wave while sitting in a sandcastle is one of those things that will always cheer me up. I can’t look at that without laughing.

And that’s it! The episode ends with a random Twitty-Stevens Connection music video "Dawn Patrol" lol. The song always gets stuck in my head. Ugh. It’s so cringy in the best way. I actually love some of the bloopers they included. But, hey! Who’s the rando on bass? Beans became their bassist earlier in the season. They use Beans for a throwaway metal detector plot, but don’t have him play bass in the band he plays bass for. Okay. Also according to the episode credits, AJ Trauth actually wrote the song! Haha, awesome.

So, yeah. My opening statements pretty much sum up my feelings towards this one. But, one distracting thing I feel like mentioning is that this episode uses one too many unflattering fish-eye style close ups? WHY?! Look:

One too many! ONE TOO MANY! Paul Hoen directed this one. He still directs for Disney today, btw! I wonder what made him decide on this? It really stood out to me and gives the episode a bit of an offbeat, quirky feel. 

Thanks for reading guys! I feel like these posts are getting longer and longer. I have to reel myself in here. (Okay, no pun intended there.) As usual, chime in below. Are you one of the people on that old forum who thought this episode sucked? I personally like it a lot and was tempted to rank it higher!

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Thankssss!

[sorayahigashikata]

Chapter 94: "Dio was here! Johnny is a loser!"

[talhaghafoor2019-blog]

50 Years Ago: 1969 in Rock Music | Best Classic Bands

50 Years Ago: 1969 in Rock Music

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What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think back to the music of 1969? Perhaps it’s Woodstock, the rock festival that still defines the very concept of the rock festival. Or maybe it’s one of the year’s many great albums—if you’re like us, you still listen to Tommy, Volunteers, The Band, Blind Faith,  Led Zeppelin II and amazing debuts rom Santana and Crosby, Stills & Nash, as well as many others that were born in 1969.

Rock was still very exciting as the ’60s came to a close, with bands and artists from both America and across the Atlantic turning out some of their most memorable work. Talk about prolific: Creedence Clearwater Revival, a band that had just made its name known the year before, landed no less than three albums in the top 10 in 1969: Bayou Country, the #1 Green River and Willy and the Poor Boys. The Stones were on a roll, following up the previous year’s brilliant Beggars Banquet with the equally superb Let it Bleed—while saying goodbye to one member and adding a new one. The Beatles were beginning to wind down, but we didn’t know that at the time—when they released Abbey Road, we just took it for granted that they were once again evolving.

Although there was a whole new rock sound, a more mature, progressive approach that found its home on FM radio and in the ballrooms sprouting up around the country, AM radio hitmakers were also still grabbing our ears (and our wallets)—a look at the hit singles of the year reveals numerous gems by artists that never quite made that leap to hipville but whose contributions still find their way to our playlists.

We went back in time 50 years and compiled a chronological timeline of the year’s top events (including album releases) in rock music. Then we listed the bands that formed during that year, and those that called it quits. Finally, we compiled a list of the year’s top singles. Looking at it all now, we have to admit that we were all very lucky to have this music in our lives—and we still are!

1969 Music Timeline

Jan. 5—Creedence Clearwater Revival releases Bayou Country

Jan. 12—The self-titled debut album by Led Zeppelin is released

Jan. 13—The Beatles release the soundtrack for Yellow Submarine

Jan. 17—Dr. John releases Babylon, Iron Butterfly releases Ball, Aretha Franklin releases Soul ’69

Jan. 22—Neil Young releases his self-titled debut album

Jan. 30—The Beatles give their final public performance on the rooftop of the Apple building in London; on the same date, Moby Grape releases Moby Grape ’69

Jan. ?—Tommy James and the Shondells release Crimson & Clover, Donovan releases Greatest Hits, Fleetwood Mac releases English Rose, and Fairport Convention releases What We Did on Our Holidays

Watch Tommy James & the Shondell’s perform “Crimson & Clover”

Jan. ?—Three of the Beatles—John, George and Ringo—hire Allen Klein as their new manager; Paul does not sign on with the American Feb. ?—Paul McCartney hires the law firm of the father of his girlfriend, Linda Eastman, to represent him Feb. 5—Cream releases Goodbye

Listen to “Badge” from Cream’s Goodbye

Feb. 10—The Beach Boys release 20/20

Feb. 15—The Monkees release Instant Replay

Feb. 17—Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash record together in Nashville; the Temptations release Cloud Nine

Feb. 18—British singer Lulu and Maurice Gibb of the Bee Gees are married

Feb. 21—Mary Hopkin releases Postcard

Feb. 22—Ten Years After releases Stonedhenge

Feb. ?—Jefferson Airplane releases Bless its Pointed Little Head, the Flying Burrito Brothers release The Gilded Palace of Sin, MC5 releases Kick Out the Jams

March 1—Jim Morrison of the Doors is arrested for allegedly exposing himself onstage in Miami

March 5—The Byrds release Dr. Byrds & Mr. Hyde

March 7—Genesis releases From Genesis to Revelation

March 12—Paul McCartney and Linda Eastman are married in London; on the same day, George Harrison and his wife Pattie are arrested for possession of hashish

March 14—Free releases Tons of Sobs

March 17—The Rascals release Freedom Suite

March 20—John Lennon and Yoko Ono are married in Gibraltar; several days later, during their honeymoon in Amsterdam, they stage a multi-day “bed-in” for peace

March 24—The Mothers of Invention release Mothermania

March 30—The Bee Gees release Odessa

March 31—Dusty Springfield releases Dusty in Memphis

Listen to “Son of a Preacher Man”

March ?—Steppenwolf releases At Your Birthday Party, 13th Floor Elevators release Bull of the Woods, Blue Cheer releases New! Improved!, James Brown releases Say It Loud (I’m Black and I’m Proud), Spooky Tooth releases Spooky Two, the Velvet Underground releases their self-titled album, the Guess Who releases Wheatfield Soul

April 1—The Beach Boys sue Capitol Records for unpaid royalties; on the same date, Nazz releases Nazz Nazz, and Leonard Cohen releases Songs From a Room

April 9—Bob Dylan releases Nashville Skyline

Watch Bob Dylan sing “I Threw It All Away” on The Johnny Cash Show

April 15—Al Green releases Green is Blues

April 20—At a free rock festival in Venice, Calif., audience members riot and more than 100 are arrested

April 21—The Mothers of Invention release Uncle Meat

April 22—The Who performs their rock opera Tommy in full for the first time, in the U.K.

Joe Cocker at Woodstock

April 23—Joe Cocker releases With a Little Help From My Friends

April 30—Marvin Gaye releases M.P.G.

April ?—The London cast recording of Hair is released, Bob Seger System releases Ramblin’ Gamblin’ Man, Savoy Brown releases Blue Matter, Townes Van Zandt releases Our Mother the Mountain

May 1—Joni Mitchell releases Clouds

May 3—Sly and the Family Stone release their album Stand!; also on this date, Jimi Hendrix is arrested for heroin possession in Toronto

May 9—George Harrison releases Electronic Sound, John Lennon and Yoko Ono release Unfinished Music No. 2: Life With the Lions

Members of the Turtles hang at the White House with Tricia Nixon

May 10—The Turtles perform at the White House at the request of President Nixon’s daughter, Tricia

May 12—Muddy Waters releases After the Rain

May 14—Neil Young and Crazy Horse release Everybody Knows This is Nowhere

May 16—Phil Ochs releases Rehearsals for Retirement, Tyrannosaurus Rex releases Unicorn

May 19—Poco releases Pickin’ Up the Pieces

May 23—The Who releases Tommy

May 26—Diana Ross and the Supremes release Let the Sunshine In

May 29—Crosby, Stills and Nash release their self-titled debut album

June 2—John and Yoko stage another bed-in, this time in Montreal; they record “Give Peace a Chance” live there

June 4—Johnny Cash releases At San Quentin

June 6—Elton John releases Empty Sky

June 7—Blind Faith—featuring Eric Clapton, Steve Winwood and Ginger Baker, with bassist Ric Grech—performs for free in Hyde Park

June 11—Three Dog Night releases Suitable for Framing

June 13—Guitarist Mick Taylor joins the Rolling Stones; Pink Floyd releases More

June 16—Steve Miller Band releases Brave New World, Captain Beefheart releases Trout Mask Replica

June 20—The Grateful Dead releases Aoxomoxoa

June 21—Deep Purple releases their self-titled album

June 29—Bassist Noel Redding leaves the Jimi Hendrix Experience

June ?—The Jeff Beck Group releases Beck-Ola, Elvis Presley releases From Elvis in Memphis, Johnny Winter and Lee Michaels release self-titled albums, Alice Cooper releases Pretties for You, Procol Harum releases A Salty Dog

July 3—Rolling Stones co-founder Brian Jones is found dead in the swimming pool at his home in Sussex, England; Fairport Convention releases Unhalfbricking

July 4—The two-day Atlanta International Pop Festival begins in Georgia

July 5—The Rolling Stones perform a free concert in Hyde Park in London, both to pay tribute to Jones and introduce Taylor; Cass Elliot releases Bubblegum, Lemonade, and…Something for Mama

July 10—Tim Buckley releases Happy Sad July 14—The Film Easy Rider is released, featuring music by the Byrds, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Steppenwolf and others

July 19—The Doors release The Soft Parade

Columbia Records had quite the artist roster, as seen in this 1969 industry ad

July 25—Yes releases Yes

July 29—The Byrds’ Preflyte is released

July 31—Elvis Presley makes his first live concert appearance in years, in Las Vegas; the residency lasts through August

July ?—Moby Grape releases Truly Fine Citizen, Country Joe and the Fish release Here We Go Again, Leslie West releases Mountain, Delaney and Bonnie release The Original Delaney & Bonnie & Friends

Aug. 1—The Atlantic City Pop Festival begins in New Jersey, through the 3rd; also on this date, Jethro Tull releases Stand Up and the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band releases Tadpoles

Aug. 5—The Stooges release their self-titled debut

Listen to “Atlantis” from Barabajagal

Aug. 15—The Woodstock Music and Arts Fair begins in Bethel, N.Y., drawing an estimated 400,000; it ends on the morning of the 18th

Watch: Richie Havens opens Woodstock

Aug. 29—Stevie Wonder releases My Cherie Amour and Jack Bruce releases Songs for a Tailor

Aug. 30—The Isle of Wight Festival is held in the U.K., featuring Bob Dylan, the Band, the Who and many others

Aug. ?—Humble Pie releases As Safe As Yesterday Is, Blind Faith releases their self-titled (and only) album, Boz Scaggs releases his self-titled album, Love releases Four Sail, Muddy Waters releases Fathers and Sons, Harry Nilsson releases Harry, Grand Funk Railroad releases On Time, Santana releases their self-titled debut and Ten Years After releases Ssssh

Sept. 1—Nick Drake releases Five Leaves Left

Sept. 11—Janis Joplin releases her first solo album, I Got Dem Ol’ Kozmic Blues Again Mama!

Sept. 13—John Lennon and the Plastic Ono Band perform at the Toronto Rock and Roll Revival, also featuring Chuck Berry, Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis and others

Sept. 19—Fleetwood Mac’s Then Play On is released

Sept. 22—The Band releases their self-titled second album. Read our Album Rewind review here.

Sept. 23—Isaac Hayes releases Hot Buttered Soul, the Temptations release Puzzle People, Diana Ross and the Supremes release Together

Sept. 24—Deep Purple performs at the Royal Albert Hall in London with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra; Laura Nyro’s New York Tendaberry is released

Sept. 26—The Beatles release Abbey Road

Sept. ?—The Guess Who releases Canned Wheat, the Nice releases The Nice, the Flamin’ Groovies release Supersnazz, the Bob Seger System releases Noah, Savoy Brown releases A Step Further

Oct. 1—The Monkees release The Monkees Present

Oct. 9—The Carpenters release Ticket to Ride

Oct. 10—The Kinks release Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire), Frank Zappa releases Hot Rats, King Crimson releases In the Court of the Crimson King

Oct. 14—Diana Ross and the Supremes release their final single, “Someday We’ll Be Together,” which becomes the last #1 hit of the ’60s; Elvis Presley releases Elvis in Person at the International Hotel, Las Vegas, Nevada

Oct. 16—Three Dog Night releases Captured Live at the Forum

Oct. 20—John Lennon and Yoko Ono release Wedding Album

Oct. 22—Led Zeppelin releases their second album, simply titled Led Zeppelin II

Oct. 27—Johnny Winter releases Second Winter

Watch Johnny Winter at Woodstock

Oct. ?—Pentangle releases Basket of Light, Spirit releases Clear, Free releases their self-titled album, the Turtles release Turtle Soup, Tom Jones releases Live in Las Vegas

Nov. 1—Elvis Presley hits #1 for the first time in seven years, with “Suspicious Minds”

Watch the King perform the hit in 1970

Nov. 2—Creedence Clearwater Revival releases their third album of the year, Willy and the Poor Boys

Nov. 4—The Allman Brothers Band releases their self-titled album, David Bowie releases his self-titled album

Nov. 10—The Byrds release The Ballad of Easy Rider, the Grateful Dead release Live/Dead

Nov. 21—The Moody Blues release To Our Children’s Children’s Children

Nov. 24—Tim Buckley releases Blue Afternoon

Nov. ?—The Hollies release Hollies Sing Hollies, the Bonzo Dog Band releases Keynsham,  Joe Cocker releases his self-titled album, Manfred Mann Chapter Three and Mott the Hoople also release self-titled albums, Steppenwolf releases Monster, Rod Stewart releases The Rod Stewart Album, Humble Pie releases Town and Country, Jefferson Airplane releases Volunteers, the Steve Miller Band releases Your Saving Grace

Dec. 5—The Rolling Stones release Let It Bleed. Read our Album Rewind review here.

Watch a 2003 live version of the title track from Let It Bleed

Dec. 6—The ill-fated free concert at California’s Altamont Speedway, starring the Rolling Stones and others, leads to a murder and other violent acts; on the same day, the Jackson 5 release their debut album, Diana Ross Presents the Jackson 5

Dec. 12—The Plastic Ono Band (with John and Yoko) releases Live Peace in Toronto 1969

Dec. 29—Grand Funk Railroad releases Grand Funk

More 1969 albums, release dates unknown:

Mike Bloomfield—It’s Not Killing Me

The Climax Blues Band—The Climax Blues Band

The Fugs—The Belle of Avenue A

The Good Rats—The Good Rats

Norman Greenbaum—Spirit in the Sky

The Hollies—The Hollies Sing Dylan

Howlin’ Wolf—The Howlin’ Wolf Album

Isley Brothers—Live at Yankee Stadium

Jackie Lomax—Is This What You Want

Watch John Mayall live in 1969

Pacific Gas & Electric—Pacific Gas & Electric

Peanut Butter Conspiracy—For Children of All Ages

Rare Earth—Get Ready

Jerry Jeff Walker—Driftin’ Way of Life

The Youngbloods—Elephant Mountain

Warren Zevon—Wanted Dead or Alive

Bands that formed in 1969 (alphabetically) The Allman Brothers Band, April Wine, Atomic Rooster,  Badfinger, Brinsley Schwarz, Brownsville Station, the Carpenters, Crazy Horse, Curved Air, Eggs Over Easy, Faces, Fanny, Focus, Hall and Oates, Hawkwind, Head East, Hot Chocolate, Humble Pie, Judas Priest, Juicy Lucy, Kraftwerk, Lighthouse, Little Feat, Mountain, Mungo Jerry, Nektar, New Riders of the Purple Sage, New Seekers, Osibisa, Pink Fairies, Plastic Ono Band, Popol Vuh, Redbone, Renaissance, the Residents, Seals and Crofts, Sha Na Na, Steel Mill, Steeleye Span, Stone the Crows, Supertramp, Thin Lizzy, Thunderclap Newman, Toe Fat, Tucky Buzard, War, Tony Williams Lifetime, Wishbone Ash, ZZ Top Bands that broke up in 1969 (alphabetically) The Action, Amen Corner, American Breed, Ars Nova, Beacon Street Union, Beau Brummels, Eric Burdon and the Animals, Dick and Dee Dee, Dillard and Clark, Dino, Desi and Billy, the Easybeats, Frumious Bandersnatch, H.P. Lovecraft, the Jeff Beck Group, the Left Banke, the Lemon Pipers, the Lovin’ Spoonful, Manfred Mann, the Merry-Go-Round, the Mojo Men, the Music Machine, the Paupers, Spanky and Our Gang, the Spencer Davis Group, Ultimate Spinach

And finally, a selection of the year’s hit singles (alphabetically by artist)…

The Archies—“Sugar Sugar”

The Beach Boys—“I Can Hear Music,” “Break Away”

The Beatles—“Get Back,” “The Ballad of John and Yoko,” “Something”/“Come Together”

The Bee Gees—“I Started a Joke”

Blood, Sweat and Tears—“Spinning Wheel,” “You’ve Made Me So Very Happy”

Booker T. and the MG’s—“Time is Tight,” “Hang ’Em High”

David Bowie—“Space Oddity”

Watch the video for the rare early version of “Space Oddity”

The Box Tops—“Soul Deep”

The Brooklyn Bridge—“Worst That Could Happen”

James Brown—“Mother Popcorn, Pt. 1”

Jerry Butler—“Only the Strong Survive”

Glen Campbell—“Galveston”

Johnny Cash—“A Boy Named Sue”

Checkmates Ltd.—“Black Pearl”

Lou Christie—“I’m Gonna Make You Love Me”

Classics IV—“Traces”

The Cowsills—“Hair”

Crazy Elephant—“Gimme Gimme Good Lovin’”

Cream—“Badge”

Creedence Clearwater Revival—“Bad Moon Rising,” “Proud Mary,” “Green River”

Crosby, Stills and Nash—“Suite: Judy Blue Eyes”

The Cuff Links—“Tracy”

Sammy Davis Jr.—“I’ve Gotta Be Me”

Tyrone Davis—“Can I Change Your Mind”

Desmond Dekker and the Aces—“Israelites”

Jackie DeShannon—“Put a Little Love in Your Heart”

Neil Diamond—“Sweet Caroline”

Bob Dylan—“Lay Lady Lay”

The 5th Dimension—“Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In,” “Wedding Bell Blues,” “Workin’ on a Groovy Thing”

Fleetwood Mac—“Oh Well”

The Flying Machine—“Smile a Little Smile for Me”

The Foundations—“Build Me Up Buttercup”

Friends of Distinction—“Grazing in the Grass”

Marvin Gaye—“I Heard It Through the Grapevine,” “Too Busy Thinking About My Baby”

The Grass Roots—“I’d Wait a Million Years”

Edwin Hawkins Singers—“Oh Happy Day”

Jimi Hendrix Experience—“Stone Free”/“If Six Was Nine”

The Hollies—“He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother,” “Sorry Suzanne”

Mary Hopkin—“Goodbye”

The Isley Brothers—“It’s Your Thing”

Jay and the Americans—“This Magic Moment”

Tommy James and the Shondells—“Crimson and Clover,” “Crystal Blue Persuasion,” “Sweet Cherry Wine”

Tom Jones—“I’ll Never Fall in Love Again”

Janis Joplin—“Try (Just a Little Bit Harder)”

Led Zeppelin—“Whole Lotta Love”

Mercy—“Love Can Make You Happy”

The Monkees—“Listen to the Band”

Nilsson—“Everybody’s Talkin’”

Oliver—“Good Morning Starshine,” “Jean”

Peter, Paul and Mary—“Leaving on a Jet Plane”

Elvis Presley—“In the Ghetto,” “Suspicious Minds”

Billy Preston—“That’s the Way God Planned It”

Gary Puckett and the Union Gap—“This Girl is a Woman Now”

Lou Rawls—“Your Good Thing (Is About to End)”

Tommy Roe—“Dizzy”

Kenny Rogers and the First Edition—“Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love to Town”

The Rolling Stones—“Honky Tonk Women”

Diana Ross and the Supremes—“I’m Gonna Make You Love Me,” “I’m Livin’ in Shame,” “Love Child,” “Someday We’ll Be Together”

David Ruffin—“My Whole World Ended (The Moment You Left Me)”

Bob Seger System—“Ramblin’, Gamblin’ Man”

Simon and Garfunkel—“The Boxer”

Frank Sinatra—“My Way”

Sly and the Family Stone—“Everyday People,” “Hot Fun in the Summertime”

Smith—“Baby It’s You”

Joe South—“Games People Play”

Spiral Starecase—“More Today Than Yesterday”

Dusty Springfield—“Son of a Preacher Man”

Edwin Starr—“Twenty-Five Miles”

Ray Stevens—“Gitarzan”

The Temptations—“Cloud Nine,” “I Can’t Get Next to You,” “Runaway Child, Running Wild”

B.J. Thomas—“Hooked on a Feeling,” “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head”

Three Dog Night—“Easy to Be Hard,” “One”

Thunderclap Newman—“Something in the Air”

The Turtles—“You Showed Me”

The Ventures—“Hawaii Five-O”

Jr. Walker and the All Stars—“What Does it Take (To Win Your Love)”

Dionne Warwick—“This Girl’s In Love With You”

Tony Joe White—“Polk Salad Annie”

The Winstons—“Color Him Father”

Stevie Wonder—“For Once in My Life,” “My Cherie Amour,” “Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday”

Charles Wright and the Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band—“Do Your Thing”

The Youngbloods—“Get Together”

Zager & Evans—“In the Year 2525 (Exordium & Terminus)”

The Zombies—”Time of the Season”

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[goarticletec-blog]

A Lazy Person's Guide to the 2018 Winter Olympics

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A Lazy Person's Guide to the 2018 Winter Olympics

The Summer Olympics are not designed for the lazy person. It’s hard to feel good about yourself, lounging in a La-Z-Boy and crushing some beers, while nearly-nude specimens are sprinting by in a blur, their muscles rippling and gleaming with sweat.

That’s why the Winter Olympics are so swell. With all the athletes covered up in parkas, ski caps, and goggles, and it being freezing outside in most of the country, being a lazy ass is way more acceptable.

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Of course, the Winter Olympics is more esoteric than the Summer Games. There’s no running, jumping, or throwing shit—the general basis of athletic endeavor. The Winter Games are dominated by sports you’ve never even heard of, can’t believe are real—like, who the hell came up with skeleton?—or can’t afford to play anyway.

There’s no time to learn everything, so you’ll need a lazy person’s crash course to the two-week spectacle.

1. It’s being held in South Korea.

That’s the “good” one. (Although host city PyeongChang is just 50 miles from the demilitarized zone separating North and South Korea.)

2. They’ve hosted once before.

Ben Johnson before the start of the 100 meter semi-final in Seoul, South Korea, in 1988.

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That time it was the 1988 Summer Olympics in Seoul, 78 miles west of PyeongChang. It was the last-ever Olympics to include the Soviet Union and East Germany. That was also the Olympics that a ’roided-up Ben Johnson ran the 100 meters in, like, four seconds.

3. North Korea is participating.

The North and South Koreans formed a joint team. That should go smoothly.

4. Russia isn’t competing, though.

The Olympic Athletes of Russian during PyeongChang opening ceremonies.

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That’s because of mass doping allegations. Nevertheless, certain (clean) Russian athletes are competing. I know, it’s odd. They’ll march under a flag for OAR, Olympic Athletes of Russia.

5. It’s already tomorrow in PyeongChang.

South Korea is 14 hours ahead of the East Coast. That means whatever you are watching on primetime TV is probably live and NBC can’t do their typical bullshit where they edit taped events together like some reality show and then tease the one event you actually want to watch for three hours before airing it a few minutes before midnight.

6. The one U.S. Olympian you’ve probably heard of is still pretty good.

Many experts place Lindsey Vonn as the favorite in the women’s downhill, even though since the 2014 Olympics she’s severely fractured her humerus, suffered a major back injury, made Toni Lehren yell on Fox News (but who hasn’t?), and faced typical airlines nonsense to actually get to Korea.

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7. Oh wait, you’ve heard of Shaun White, too.

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Remember the Flying Tomato? He’s still pretty good at snowboarding and a contender in the halfpipe—despite the fact that late last year he crashed so badly he needed 62 stitches. Even if he doesn’t win, he’s worth $40 million, which will buy a lot of Mountain Dew Ice and legalized edibles.

8. Is that Bode Miller guy still around?

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No. Er, yes, but he’s now an NBC analyst. He’ll probably still figure out a way to clip a gate and crash.

9. Who is going to be the previously unknown U.S. darling of this Olympiad?

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Even after a poor start to his Olympics on Thursday night, 18-year-old figure skating prodigy Nathan Chen is your best bet to make it on a Wheaties box.

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10. The US Hockey team is not the Dream Team.

The Games have gone back to using non-NHL players for the first time since 1994. The U.S. team, made up mostly of washed-up former players like 39-year-old Brian Gionta, is not expected to medal.

11. Just like Ghostbusters, Cool Runnings is being remade with women.

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The Jamaicans sent a women’s team to compete in bobsled this year, and they’ll be driving a rental sled. Even if John Candy comes back from the dead to coach them, they are unlikely to make the podium. (Side note: The Montego Bay airport has a Cool Runnings-themed bar that plays the movie on a loop 24/7. Worth a visit!) Nigeria is also sending a women’s bobsled team to PyeongChang, making it the first African Olympic Team to compete in the sport.

12. Curling rules!

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Curlers wear blousey sweatshirts and ugly slacks and their sporting equipment is a damn broomstick. Yet somehow, this slow-moving sport is incredibly captivating and these curlers are still a ton more flexible than you are. Did you really think a bunch of Molson-guzzling Canadians would play something boring? Plus, for the first time, there’s “mixed doubles” curling this year.

13. Another cool first-time event is mass start speed skating.

It’s like a fucking roller derby on ice!

14. Yet the only event with guns is surprisingly boring.

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That’s biathlon. Cross-country ski for five kilometers, shoot a rifle at a still target, ski some more, shoot some more. So boring. Having said that, Susan Dunklee has a good shot to be the first U.S. Olympian to ever medal in the event.

15. Johnny Weir is still fabulous.

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The figure skating announcer is making Liberace look demure these days and continuing to infuriate the kinds of Twitter users who use Pepe the Frog as their avatar.

16. There’s an openly gay Olympian that refuses to meet Mike Pence.

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The vice president and his wife, Karen, are leading the US delegation in South Korea. Current US figure skater Adam Rippon, the first openly gay American to quality for the Games, made some remarks about Pence last month, telling USA Today: “You mean Mike Pence, the same Mike Pence that funded gay conversion therapy? I’m not buying it.” (The same Mike Pence who President Trump allegedly said wants to hang gay people.) Pence, however, really wants Rippon to know there’s no hard feelings.

.@Adaripp I want you to know we are FOR YOU. Don’t let fake news distract you. I am proud of you and ALL OF OUR GREAT athletes and my only hope for you and all of #TeamUSA is to bring home the gold. Go get ‘em!

— Vice President Mike Pence (@VP) February 8, 2018

17. The hunky Tongan is back.

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Remember Pita Taufatofua walking into the Rio 2016 Opening Ceremony looking like a bucket of Turtle Wax had been dumped over his torso? Well, guess what, he’s back for the Winter Games. He wasn’t particularly great at tae kwon do and he’s not particularly great at cross-country skiing either. As Tonga’s only Winter Olympian he was again their flag bearer and, even with temperatures below freezing in PyeongChang, he went shirtless. Don’t feel bad, he may have better abs, but in two weeks he’ll have the same numbers of Olympic medals as you.

18. The Olympic rivalry most likely to be made into an I, Tonya-like movie in 20 years.

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American Alpine skier Ted Ligety versus Austrian star Marcel Hirscher. Ligety got steamed when a giant slalom race, in Austria of all places, was canceled due to “inclement weather” (even though there wasn’t any) at the same time Hirscher was nursing an injury. Like any good American, Ligety went bonkers on Twitter, which is how we handle things these days as opposed to hiring mustachioed hitmen.

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Seems odd to have a race cancelled at 645am in Austria when their biggest star is temporarily out… 🤔

— Ted Ligety (@tedligety) October 29, 2017

19. No, the U.S. will not win the most overall medals.

Norway, Germany, or even Canada will. Yes, Trump will likely tweet-blame Democrats or undocumented immigrants for this, maybe both.

Aaron Goldfarb is the author of How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide, The Guide for a Single Man, and The Guide for a Single Woman. Follow him on Twitter.

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[radioleary-blog]

The Password is Fidelio

Fidel Castro was found dead. Looks like our 1961 CIA secret plot to kill him was more effective than we thought! I guess they chose a more long-range method of execution, probably for plausible deniability. That way, the blame and blowback couldn’t come back to haunt the President. Of course, that was President Kennedy, so he’s the one doing the haunting now. And there was blowback for Kennedy, but it came from the grassy knoll at Dealey Plaza. Back, and to the left.

How arbitrary and unfair is the world when we lose a great man like JFK way back in 1963, but an asshole dictator like Fidel Castro got to live until right now? It might even be worse than when Chris Farley died, and yet we still have David Spade. Although, ‘Joe Dirt 2’ was such a disaster that in the credits, it lists the director as “Zapruder”.

We lost Kennedy so long ago, it was before the Beatles came to America to appear live on the Ed Sullivan Show and take America by storm. Think about that, folks. That means that if Kennedy had lived, he could have protected the U.S. from the British Invasion..! But while LBJ was exponentially deepening our military involvement in Viet Nam, we lacked the military might at home to protect the borders from an invading army of Skiffle bands and adorable, jangly guitar acts. There was no stopping them. And they weren’t always sending their best, folks. While our soldiers were fighting Ho Chi Minh, there was no one to stop Herman’s Hermits. We fought at Da Nang, we should have fought Donovan. Tet offensive? Not as offensive as the Troggs. And it was literally an invasion by The Zombies. I’m not sure what happened to them, I think after they recorded “Time of The Season,” Rick Grimes killed them with a machete.

But I digress.

Fidel Castro. If you’re young and don’t know much about this short, disheveled, rumpled, cigar-smoking old man, well, he was kind of like Peter Falk as Lt. Columbo. Except instead of going around solving murders, he went around ordering them.

But if you’re young, you don’t know who the hell Columbo is either. Columbo? Herman’s Hermits? Jesus Christ, I gotta start using references from this century. If I only knew what article of speech Wiz Khalifa was, I’d use it in a sentence.

We don’t know much about Castro’s death at this point, only that was very despondent over the break-up of a long-term relationship. Apparently his BFF Vladimir Putin dumped him recently for Donald Trump.

I hear that Castro might have survived, but the ambulance they sent for him was a 1958 Ford Edsel, held together only by bread-ties and a sense of communist solidarity. It might be a worker’s paradise, but not if you want to work in a car dealership. Thanks to our embargo, the last time there was a new car in Cuba, Fredo Corleone was driving around in it with Johnny Ola. I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!

I seriously think the best thing that came out of Cuba in the last 50 years was Godfather II. Sorry, cigars, close, but no cigar. Godfather II takes the cake, and the cake is shaped like Cuba.

And I’d have to say the second-best thing to come out of Cuba was Al Pacino again as Tony Montana in Scarface. I just wish there was more cocaine in the movie. There was more white powder in Scarface than when Jack Nicholson chased Danny through the hedge maze in a snowstorm in The Shining.

And the third-best was Al Pacino again in Carlito’s Way. Yeah, I know he was Puerto Rican in that, but so what, Pacino is cool.

Fidel Castro was the world’s most powerful Socialist. Except for one Senator from Vermont.

Now with Castro’s death, the worst island Dictator in the world is now unquestionably Jeff Probst. If Castro tortured his political prisoners as badly as any Survivor reward challenge, Amnesty International would have a stroke. And Jeff Probst has kicked more people off the island than the Mariel boatlift. “I’m sorry Elian, bring me your torch, the tribe has spoken. You’ll have to leave the island immediately. Unless you have a diplomatic immunity idol.”

It’s sad that Fidel died before realizing his biggest dream, taking over as the new host of NBC’s Celebrity Apprentice. Now who will lecture Boy George, Vince Neil and “Snooki” on workers controlling the means of production? Come on, host Arnold Schwarzenegger can’t even pronounce Marxism. “Mox-zhissom!” Nope. Castro would have been perfect, he was really good at firing people. Well, firing at people. In fact he had a whole squad of people just to do the firing. I forget what they were called. Squad of firers? No, that’s not it. Anyway, he...Firing squad! That’s it! In fact, I think the first celebrity he “fired” was Ernesto “Che” Guevara. I was hoping it would be Omarosa.

Castro left his brother Raoul to rule Cuba, and left his beard to every hipster in Brooklyn.

So long Fidel, I don’t know where you’re going, but I know it rhymes with “Fidel”.

[zeroviraluniverse-blog]

Saying goodbye to 'Roseanne' after a shocking final episode: Part 4 Video

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Saying goodbye to 'Roseanne' after a shocking final episode: Part 4 Video

Transcript for Saying goodbye to ‘Roseanne’ after a shocking final episode: Part 4

Through nine seasons of award-winning television, “The Roseanne show” welcomed so many stars and future stars along the way. I’m the only one here and the sign says Dr. Whitman, so, that’s me. George Klee nee. . I remember George klclooney came on early in his career. Who wouldn’t like to kiss Johnny Galecki? Johnny and I have such a special connection. And when we get to work together, it’s an added bonus. I’m sorry, am I being too loud. No, you’re being perfect and you know it. Johnny, my god. He’s got so much money. I can’t believe — I’m angry for his success. No, I’m very happy for him, he’s great. I tried an accent once and it didn’t work for me. People kept asking if I was wearing a retainer. Sandra Bernhard, who is so funny. I specifically told Arne to be here at 9:30. All these years later, people will comment on, you know, what I was wearing and loved the outfits and just Nancy’s outrageousness. It is really a big part of the lexicon of my career. James Pickens, he’s unbelievably talented. We knew that decades ago. Even before I got the “Grey’s anatomy” gig. People would say, I remember you from “Roseanne.” You were chuck. You’re a Wideman, Marvin. They brought on Bob Hope one time for a cameo. The audience just went up. We get so used to seeing great people that it just becomes an every day thing. Sometimes you have to step back from it for awhile, look around and go, wow, I got to work with some of the best who did it. And martin mull, Fred Willard, who are just incredible together. And Sharon stone. My friend toe Tobey Maguire was on the show. Joseph gordon-levitt. Another one of those really talented people who goes to “Third rock from the sun” and obviously his career has really blossomed. But the legacy of the show wasn’t just in front of the camera. There was sitcom magic behind the scenes. We were writers on “Roseanne”, and we’re the creators of “The middle.” Are you over 50? Ugh, yes. Do you feel overwhelmed with clutter? We loved the writing of “Roseanne” so much. Is we said, if we could bring that kind of authenticity, dealing with having that heart and yet having the comedy, all those are things that we brought from “Roseanne” into “The middle.” Yeah, and not being afraid to write some serious situations with characters who don’t have a choice always to quit their job. Or if their credit card bill comes, it actually is a real problem for them. “The middle” is definitely rooted in “Roseanne.” “The Roseanne show” became the roots of a comedy writing family tree. We had so many big writers that have created incredible shows. Amy sherman-palladino. Who obviously went on to create “Gilmore girls.” Bruce helford. Yeah, drew Carey and multiple things. We owe a debt to our time at “Roseanne.” And we have an aftghan on the couch. It means home to us. I think that what Frankie and Roseanne have in common. They’re not like June cleaver as far as their families go. They’re not wearing pearls and a dress with an apron. They don’t necessarily always have a kind word of an encouraging word for their kids. And not that they’re mean, it’s just sort of a realism with your kids that I think a lot of parents relate to. Okay. Here’s your hat. Backpack. Lunch. I think what comes through in both spokes is the heart and the love. ??? Just as it opened, so many seasons around the kitchen table, “Roseanne’s” last episode included a gathering of the extended family. The dining table is sort of like the hallmark of where everybody gathers for all important events and I think that she used, you know, the kitchen and the table as the linchpin of all those stories. So, it made sense that you would resolve it all at the table. The final episode shocked the viewers with revealing Dan’s character was actually dead and the entire last season, you know, where they were rich and won the lottery — We won the lottery! Was all just a story Roseanne made up. None of it happened. My writing is really what got me through the last year after Dan . I think I’ll be a lot better now that this book is done. The sad ending hit hard for fans and for the cast. The show ended and I was devastated. Maybe one of the hardest moments of my entire life. If you can picture everybody you know that you literally have built your world around for nine years suddenly, everybody has to leave. It was strange to be only, you know, 22 years old, start back at ground zero and have to build my life back up after having early success. The show ended, but life moved on. So, after the show, I did a bunch of other acting, “Seinfeld.” Is there anybody else here but you? I’m alone. I did a few movies. And I focused on family. And I met my wife and got married. I really wanted my kids to have some kind of Normal life and I wanted to be heavily involved as a dad, so, I went behind the scenes, I worked on the technical side of everything. And then I was a high school coach, mostly baseball and softball. I guess I look at it is, I got to chase my dream. So, I kind of always loved to help other people chase theirs. I had been commuting from Canada, so, I moved back there. Did my general arts degree. Then when I was 24, I was like, okay, I’m ready, I’ll go back. And then got lucky and got ask scrubs.” And ended up staying. After the show was over, I did a few movies and I just started to work again and do different projects. Lecy finished college and continues to act in film and theater. You go to sleep. John Goodman’s career includes dozens of blockbusters and independent hits. And Roseanne returned to standup, started a farm and even ran for president. And Laurie Metcalf — Not expect everybody to do everything — ahh! Well, she’s going for Oscar gold next month.

This transcript has been automatically generated and may not be 100% accurate.

[trendingnewsb]

O.J. Simpson murder trial: Where are the key players now?

O.J. Simpson is back in the public spotlight as he faces a Nevada parole board Thursday in a bid to be released from a 33-year sentence for armed robbery and assault with a weapon.

The former football star was the subject of one of the most famous trials in American history in 1995, when he was acquitted in the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman in Los Angeles, drawing intense public scrutiny.

As the parole hearing nears, Fox News looks back at some of the key players in the murder trial and where they are today.

O.J. Simpson

Simpson is set to face the Nevada Board of Parole Thursday in a hearing that could see him released from prison following his 2008 conviction of armed robbery in Las Vegas. Lawyers familiar with the case say the 70-year-old has a good chance of making parole. In 2007, Simpson was found responsible for Brown and Goldmans deaths in a civil case and was ordered to pay $33.5 million to the families estates. As of 2014, Goldmans sister Kim, in an interview with CNBC, said the family has collected less than 1 percent of the settlement.

If Simpson is freed from his prison term at Lovelock Correctional Facility, a substantial portion of his future income is expected to go toward paying that. Simpson, who has stayed out of trouble at the facility, has passed time by playing fantasy football and coaching softball, guards and an inmate who were there with him say.

Johnnie Cochran

Cochran, the lead defense attorney of what the media dubbed Simpsons Dream Team which factored into Simpsons estimated legal bill of $3 million to $5 million since the murders died of a brain tumor in 2005. Cochran continued his career following the trial, founding The Cochran Firm and defending clients such as rapper Sean Diddy Combs and NYPD brutality victim Abner Louima. Malcolm LaVergne, one of Simpsons current lawyers, told The Associated Press early last year that Simpson believed Cochran was depicted unfairly in the FX hit series The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story, despite not being allowed to watch it.

Robert Kardashian

Kardashian, a close friend of Simpson who was on the Dream Team, died of esophageal cancer in 2003 at the age of 59. Kardashian let Simpson stay at his house in the hours before the now-infamous slow-speed pursuit Simpson led police on in a white Ford Bronco in June 1994, which eventually culminated in his arrest. His daughters have since risen to fame in the reality TV world, with Kim Kardashian West estimated by Forbes to have a 2017 income of nearly $46 million.

Robert Shapiro

Another member of the Dream Team, Shapiro has gone on to launch the websites LegalZoom and Right Counsel, which help the public with legal services, documentation and finding specialized attorneys for individual cases. Shapiro opened up about the murder trial in a 2016 interview with former Fox News host Megyn Kelly, saying that there is a strong possibility that more than one person was involved in the killings. He also told Kelly that there is a strong possibility that the killer of Brown and Goldman has never faced trial. Shapiro is currently representing one of the younger Kardashians Rob — in a custody battle with Blac Chyna over their 7-month-old daughter.

F. Lee Bailey

The former Simpson defense attorney once again filed for bankruptcy in June stemming from a longtime dispute over his handling of client assets in a 1994 drug smuggling and money laundering case, according to the Bangor Daily News. The 84-year-old, who currently lives in Maine and runs a consulting business, continued to work as a defense attorney after the Simpson acquittal until he was disbarred in Florida and Massachusetts.

Alan Dershowitz

Dershowitz, an appellate adviser for Simpsons defense in the murder trial, went on to teach at Harvard University. He makes appearances on Fox News and also works as a legal adviser and activist for Israeli sovereignty and animal rights. Despite helping out the Dream Team, Dershowitz told Business Insider in 2016 that it was more like the nightmare team.”

“There were an enormous amount of egos clashing. There were some clearly who were not happy with the hierarchical arrangement, he said.

Gil Garcetti

Garcetti, who served as Los Angeles Countys District Attorney during the Simpson murder trial, now works as a photographer with seven photo books attached to his resume. He also teaches an art class and is a goodwill ambassador to West African countries seeking fresh water, while his son, Eric, is the current mayor of Los Angeles. He told the New York Post in 2016 that he never wanted prosecutor Marcia Clark to take the lead in the O.J. case.

Marcia is a very good lawyer, but one of the things with her was that she didnt heed the advice of our trial consultant who told her not to pick African-American women particularly black mothers for that jury, he said, making note that eight black women ended up on the panel.

She didnt listen and once she did that, there was no chance that wed get a guilty verdict, although I still thought wed get two or three jurors to hold out for a hung jury.

Marcia Clark

The lead prosecutor in the Simpson case, Clark continues to write books, most recently releasing “Moral Defense” in November 2016, a fictional novel about a defense attorney handling a tabloid-ready stabbing case that left two people dead. Sound somewhat familiar? Clark has also worked as an Entertainment Tonight correspondent and co-authored “Without a Doubt,” a book about the Simpson trial in which she insisted that the former football star was guilty.

And this just in: Moral Defense just hit the WSJ bestseller list! TY to all for this! http://pic.twitter.com/VFWxZA52NI

— marcia clark (@thatmarciaclark) November 18, 2016

Christopher Darden

Another Simpson prosecutor, Darden launched his own firm, Darden & Associates, Inc., after the trial, while also accusing Cochran in 2012 of tampering with the bloody glove found at the scene of the Brown and Goldman killings. In an interview with Entertainment Tonight in 2016, Darden revealed he and Clark were inseparable during the trial and more than friends, but hasnt spoken to her in years. He told the New York Daily News Tuesday that he has a hard time understanding why people want Simpson released. Is this the parole hearing of the century? I guess it is, he said.

Kato Kaelin

The surfer-dude who lived with Simpson at the time of the killings and was a witness for the prosecution made headlines again this past Fourth of July weekend after winning $12,411 with his brother, sister-in-law and a friend in a 50-50 raffle at a Milwaukee Brewers game. The other half of the winnings will go to charity. Outside of running a sports talk show and being a traveling emcee for Wizard World Comic Con, Kaelin has made several television appearances since the trial, showing up on comedy and reality programs.

Al Cowlings

Happy is when @Brewers R WINNING & ur swarmed by MILWAUKEE’S BEST FANS. #kidsrule @MikeVassallo13 @321cuekevin @Todd_Rosiak @AdamMcCalvy # http://pic.twitter.com/KVsyk9tyHK

— Kato Kaelin (@Kato_Kaelin) July 3, 2017

The former defensive linesman who drove the white Ford Bronco during the police chase, Cowlings is semi-retired and resides in Malibu, Calif. He has no contact with O.J. Cowlings is still remembered at USC, which recently named a new residential facility in his honor. The university said it received a $15 million from an anonymous donor to set up the A.C. Allen Cowlings Residential College, scheduled to open in August to connect 320 students with faculty-in-residence and student support staff to provide a stimulating and social setting, cultural activities and academic excellence that enriches and teaches.

Lance Ito

Ito, who presided over the Simpson trial as Los Angeles Superior Court Judge, went on to oversee around 500 more cases until retiring in January 2015. He has kept a low profile with media since the Simpson case, but has expressed his intent to learn to play guitar, The Associated Press reported.

Fred Goldman & Kim Goldman

Fred, the father of Ron Goldman, told ABC News in February — two decades after winning the civil case — that he still thinks about his murdered son every day and all of Ron’s dreams that didn’t come to fruition. He also said he feels disgusted about Simpsons opportunity for release. Kim, Rons sister, has done advocacy work for victims of domestic violence and runs The Youth Project, a non-profit that provides counseling to teenagers. She told ABC that she wrote letters to O.J. while he was in prison and wanted to visit him at one point to see him be reduced to something that was more manageable for me because at that time it was just overwhelming.”

Mark Fuhrman

Fuhrman, a key investigator and witness in the O.J. Simpson trial, now works as a forensic and crime scene expert for Fox News. In a column for FoxNews.com, Fuhrman explained why he thinks Simpson will be granted parole Thursday. I predict that on October 1, O.J. Simpson will walk out of Lovelock Prison, Fuhrman wrote.

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