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#just cried about it though so i think i am okay for now
early-october-skies · 5 months
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Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees
#lizzierants#had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly#caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because#theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry#that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing#good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me#someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with#my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am#overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back#this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf#i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec#ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help#and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here#most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much#anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking#terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine#is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because#they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate#this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start#crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3#i will heal and ill be okay <3
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hecksupremechips · 5 months
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Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over
Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰
#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually#very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds#like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd#but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga#and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit#and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’#which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road#its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16!#he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control#which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’#so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way#like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health#i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to#be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident!#so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game#is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me#cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused#but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone#like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways#and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed#but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child#shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING#HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY#like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work#apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs#his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be#better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy#and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad#how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel#makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired
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coquelicoq · 2 years
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natsume book of friends season 4 opening sequence has got me incredibly fucked up. the lyrics. kid natsume's tiny little legs and teenage natsume watching him run. the lyrics. nyanko-sensei burrowing into his arms. did i mention the lyrics? ending frame on the fujiwara family. including natsume. because he's part of their family. as the lyrics ask him to "please [not] keep suffering alone"? somebody fucking hold me.
#i'm actually almost done with season 4 because i have no self-control. and every time i watch the opening i'm like#no this has only gotten more potent since the last time i watched it. we are reaching danger levels#natsume yuujinchou#natsume's book of friends#my posts#season 4 is the season of tanuma just completely destroying me on every level. why is every single character like this??#every time he learns something about natsume he's like oh so this is what it's like for natsume?#and then it happens again and he's like wait natsume ALSO has THIS OTHER THING to contend with??#and again: AND A THIRD THING?? WHY MUST THE WORLD'S BEST BOY NATSUME TAKASHI SUFFER???#he just wants to help natsume deal with stuff and i am on the fucking floor#his thought process is just#this is hard for natsume. i wish i could help him. maybe here's a way i could help him? he doesn't want me to though because it would#put me in danger. but i don't want him to be in danger either. and i'm telling him that to his face. i don't think it's really#gotten through to him but that's okay i will just keep telling him. now i'm realizing that the thing i did to help him maybe just made#things harder for him. this is hard for natsume. i wish i could help him. maybe sometimes the best way to help him is to just#respect his wishes and yet remind him that he can lean on people and that people love him as much as he loves them#the part where tanuma realized why natsume doesn't tell the fujiwaras about youkai gutted me#this kid is so emotionally astute and such a sweetheart#i just watched the episode where natsume loses his picture of his parents and his old house is getting sold and i cried. SO many tears.#tanuma putting his foot down for once like no actually you need to admit that something is bothering you this time#we can find this picture. ask us to help you do this thing that we can actually do for you. you don't need to be sad for no reason#mmm can't be coherent about it just rest assured it was extremely harmful to me and also exactly what i needed#anyway the season 4 opening song as the thing you say to your younger self who lives inside your current self because#you can't actually go back in time and be the person your younger self needed to have in their life. so all you can do is love that child#in absentia but so so so fiercely and with your whole entire heart#all you can do is give your current self all the love you have for the child you were#jesus CHRIST
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schisms · 10 months
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darker waves was. THE BEST!!!!!!!!!
#i cried um. twice? NO THREE TIMES. during new order.#during age of consent because. yadda yadda personal reasons#then during blue monday because i was just so floored and amazed by what i was seeing#and it hit me like a ton of bricks that i was seeing new order and that this was happening right in front of me#AND THEN THEY FINISHED THE SET BY PLAYING LOVE WILL TEAR US APART BY JOY DIVISION#AND THEY HAD THIS BEAUTIFUL PICTURE OF IAN CURTIS AND THEY LIKE ZOOMED IN ON HIS EYES#IT WAS SO EMOTIONAL AND INCREDIBLE I COULDN’T EVEN FFFFFFFFFFFFFUCKING BELIEVE THAT HAPPENED#i was amazed i was stunned there’s nothing that compared to the moment i realized that. it was Love Will Tear Us Apart#btw the hand in this picture is myyy hand this is a pic leemy got#^_^ ​hehe i was way too in the moment to get very much of that set#and then we all went and got in n out afterwards and now i am about to go SHOWER and go to SLEEP i am so READY =u=#BUT YEA like. other highlights of the day were DEFINITELY twin tribes & OMD#devo of course was AMAZING again i think i will always try to see them if and when i can#echo and the bunnymen SUCKED. absolutely sucked. i was very disappointed.#though that was the ONLY low point of the day which was good#AND SHE WANTS REVENGE DID A COVER OF SPELLBOUND BY SIOUXSIE AND IT WAS SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway yes yes very good day i am satisfied. and like. nothing went wrong for us#like parking was fine getting in was fine everything went WELL like i still can’t believe it#today was meant to happen to me because im a good boy. <3 okay bye
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5sospenguinqueen · 3 months
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Emotional Range Of A Teaspoon | Pierre Gasly
Summary: What right does he have to feel angry at the sight of Y/N and Charles? The answer is none. After all, she's only his best friend. Isn't she?
Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Fluff. Jealousy. One suggestive comment
No faceclaim but British reader. 2024 timeline
F1 Masterlist
Requested: Yes (sorry it's a little late)
This one actually comes with a tiny text paragraph mid-way through
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Replies to @ PierreGASLY
Charles_Leclerc c’mon mate, it’s only been two days 
→ PierreGASLY a whole lifetime 
→ ItsYN i can’t even remember what you look like 
→ Charles_Leclerc and the people say that i am the dramatic one 
AlpineF1Team think you can channel that pain into some points this weekend?
→ PierreGASLY why aren’t you taking my pain seriously 
→ AlpineF1Team do you want us to schedule you an appointment with the counsellor?
→ ItsYN i don’t think that counsellor gets paid enough to listen to him
User1 ouch, talk about friendzoned 
→ User2 no, no, they’re in the denial stage of their friends to lovers arc
Replies to @ ItsYN
PierreGASLY i can still hear your voice
→ PierreGASLY although i’m glad you’re not making me suffer through the lost boys again
→ ItsYN okay first off, you love that movie. and second, because of that, i’m telling everyone you cried watching cars 3
→ PierreGASLY traitor!
→ LiamLawson30 as any man would!
Charles_Leclerc don’t worry y/n, i’ll have movie night with you 
→ ItsYN are you going to make me watch harry potter again?
→ Charles_Leclerc yes..?
→ ItsYN @ PierreGASLY come back please 
Replies to @ Charles_Leclerc
User3 not charles tweeting this the day after the canadian gp. y/n missed the canadian gp and you can tell poor charles had to hear all about it 
ItsYN we all know i would be the soldier and pierre would be the doting housewife crying on the platform 
→ PierreGASLY and i would look radiant doing so
Max33Verstappen he wouldn’t shut up about her during the driver’s parade. i tried to walk off and he followed me!
→ PierreGASLY i was in the middle of a sentence!
→ danielricciardo mate you know it’s bad when yapstappen needs you to stop talking
ItsYN stop talking about me. you're making it sound like we're friends
→ Charles_Leclerc excuse me but you know you want to be my bestie
→ PierreGASLY you can’t have her. she’s mine. i saw her first. shotgun or whatever you monagasques say for dibs 
→ GeorgeRussell63 actually i saw her first; her brother was my teammate when we were kids so 
→ PierreGASLY and just for that, i’m unfollowing you 
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Replies to @ CHICKEN!!
User4 whoever took this photo needs to go straight to jail. not y’all making it seem like charles and y/n are a sneaky item
User5 i knew she was shady, talking about how she couldn't make it only to end up in the winning driver’s garage 
PierreGASLY oh 
→ User6 wait no, pierre, come back. look at other tweets about this please
User7 stop being a shit stirrer. he’s literally got his other arm wrapped around alex ‘cause he was guiding the two of them through a ton of fans but that’s conveniently been cropped out 
Replies to @ BRAKKEEE
User8 i can’t believe people were trying to convince us ynarles was real when it’s clearly ynex
User9 love that charles was literally only there to keep them safe from fans and after that they were like ‘you’re done babe. now we run off into the sunset’ 
User10 watching him chase after them was so funny tho because he was literally yelling “let me play too” 
Replies to @ ItsYN
User11 oh no, we’re so sorry. we were just so happy to see you 
→ User12 yeah and pierre would’ve been happy to see her as well if you hadn’t blasted her all over the internet 
→ User13 pierre didn't exactly look all that happy though. he wouldn’t stop glaring at poor charles  
→ User12 maybe because you guys made it seem like his best friend lied to him to be with charles
Thumb aimlessly swiping at the screen of his phone, Pierre scanned the tweets as they passed, making note of a cute waffle shop in Monaco that he knew Y/N would love. Nothing of note appeared to have been posted as most of the Grid were waiting to hear where Sainz had signed. Hand halting, Pierre’s eyes flickered across the screen once. Twice. And then a third time just to be sure. His last message to Y/N had gone unanswered and now there was a picture of her on Twitter, claiming to be from today. With Charles’ arm around her. His teeth sank into his bottom lip, and a derisive scoff filled his driver’s room. What happened to being unable to book the time off work, he thought bitterly to himself. Instead she was in the Paddock with a red-clad arm wrapped around her. Before he could restrain himself, he had clicked on the ‘reply’ button. A knock at the door pulled him from his downward spiral, preventing him from looking further into the comments gushing about how cute his best friend and closest F1 friend looked as a couple. 
“Pierre, time to warm up.”
“D’accord.”
He locked his phone before dumping it onto the massage table, storming out of his driver’s room, unaware that if he had scrolled down another two posts, he would’ve seen a picture of Y/N with Alexandra and a tweet from the woman herself. 
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ItsYN just posted
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liked by alexandrasaintmleux, estebanocon and others
ItsYN an amazing weekend in barcelona watching my best friend do his thing and achieve some well-deserved points. a huge thank you to charles and alex for helping me sneak into the paddock last-minute tagged: pierregasly, charles_leclerc and alexandrasaintmleux 
553 comments
alpinef1team our favourite things rolled into one post 
→ ItsYN mine too! 
→ User1 sis, get off the floor 
estebanocon should i be offended that you wearing my cap didn’t make the post 
→ ItsYN shh i can’t have my people thinking i have friends other than pear 
danielricciardo PIERRE GASSLLLYYYYY
→ ItsYN go thirst over him on his posts. my insta is a 310 free zone
→ danielricciardo just admit that you’re jealous of our love and move on
→ ItsYN was he publicly crying over missing YOU? i don’t think so 
→ danielricciardo that’s because i’m a better friend than you and i’ve been here the whole time
→ ItsYN blocked 
alexandrasaintmleux thank you for trusting me with the surprise! 
→ ItsYn thank you for being so wonderful and helping 🩷 (and stopping charles from throttling me)
→ charles_leclerc it’s because you wouldn’t stop saying thank you and asking me if i was “sure that it’s no bother” to help you 
→ It’sYN sorry for being considerate! 
User2 not to be that person but has anyone else noticed that pierre hasn’t commented?
→ User3 i'm getting the feeling that, despite all his online complaining, he wasn’t overly excited to see his best friend this weekend? 
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User4 not the f1wags posting her, they know the truth
→ User5 what truth. it doesn’t look they’re even friends anymore
User7 it’s the way she looks like she’s trying to explain/talk to him and he’s just yelling at her 
→ User8 i used to root for them to get together but now that he’s yelled at her :/
User9 y/n is stronger than me because if a man pointed his finger like that at me, i’d savagely bite it off 
User10 uh, who does he think he is talking to y/n l/n that way
User11 i bet it’s because he thought y/n was there for charles and got jealous 
→ User12 i’ve connected the dots
→ User13 you ain’t connected shit
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User14 idk which one i want to be more
→ User15 that’s because you want to be their third instead 
User16 i’m thirsty. anyone else thirsty
LandoNorris oh god my eyes
→ danielricciardo this is why you should stop looking at x rated things on the internet 
→ User17 what happened to your pr training?
→ Charles_Leclerc what happened to pierre’s?
User18 if only he could transfer this kind of passion onto the track 
User19 uh, the clarity of the third one?? did admin take this and then leak it online? 
→ AlpineF1Team i'm afriad that we’re finding out along with you guys but we’re not gonna pretend like we weren’t rooting for this 
ItsYN why am i trending on twitter?
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ItsYN just posted
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liked by alexandrasaintmleux, lilymhe and others
ItsYN my little pain au chocolat 💕
845 comments
pierregasly we talked about you calling me pastries 
→ ItsYn yes, we did. and i didn’t take into account anything you said
→ pierregasly you are very lucky you're cute
→ ItsYN it's gotten me far in life
User1 talk about a hard launch
→ User2 they weren’t really given the choice considering they were caught snogging all over barcelona last weekend
alpinef1team pierre repping the alpine colours 
→ ItsYN release your chokehold on my man
→ alpinef1team no, you release your chokehold on our man 
→ ItsYN what happened to being supportive of this?
→ alpinef1team that was before all he did was yap about you!
lilymhe babe, this isn’t you. get up and come back to me 
→ ItsYN i’m sorry but i don’t think i can come back from this 
→ lilymhe what about us, what about everything we’ve been through
→ ItsYN you know i never wanted to hurt you
→ alex_albon @ pierregasly guess i’ll be seeing you at the next karaoke marathon 
→ pierregasly only if you sing breaking free with me
→ ItsYN this is why i love you
landonorris let’s take a moment for our fallen soldier… we lost an honourable brit to a french man
→ pierregasly it’s not my fault that i have charm and you don’t 
→ danielricciardo i didn’t realise charm meant having a tantrum when she asks your friend for help to surprise you 
→ pierregasly we agreed not to speak of that! 
→ ItsYN i don’t think you’re living this one down, macaron
charles_leclerc can you tell him to put his clothes back on, please
→ ItsYN i tried but he seems incapable of keeping them on around me
→ pierregasly charles is just jealous of my amazing physique 
→ charles_leclerc best you not talk about jealousy 
User4 @ ItsYN i love that they’ve not had a chance to pr train you yet
→ ItsYN never! 
User5 and they called me crazy when i said friends to lovers! 
→ ItsYN tbf hun, so did we. it took us a minute
→ User6 so pierre is slow on and off the track 
→ pierregasly hey! 
pierregasly just posted
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liked by charles_leclerc, yukitsunoda0511 and others
pierregasly from movie nights to drunken karaoke, i would go on any adventure with you 
1,454 comments
ItsYN my best friend and my love 
→ alexandrasaintmleux i thought i was your best friend 
→ ItsYN i’m not allowed to post shirtless pics of you online though
→ charles_leclerc no you are not! 
→ User7 i hope pr never got ahold of her
→ alpinef1team she has an appointment with them on thursday
yukitsunoda0511 is this what they call simping?
→ pierregasly no
→ ItsYN yes
maxverstappen1 does this mean you’ll stop talking about her during driver’s parades?
→ pierregasly no 
→ yukitsunoda0511 he’ll just stop talking about whether she’s interested in any of us 
→ ItsYN he did that?
→ pierregasly no!
→ maxverstappen1 yes, the latest victim was logan
→ charles_leclerc actually i was the latest victim, and i will remain the most famous. my jealousy era is forever captured on the internet 
→ logansargeant @ pierregasly is that why you kept asking me what i thought about her?
landonorris you guys are kinda cute when you’re not yelling at her 
→ ItsYN please stop saying this. i'm the one who has to listen to him apologise over and over for the millionth time
→ pierregasly because i feel bad! 
→ ItsYN omg i know! 
danielricciardo mate, we get it. she’s your girl now but you can let go of her for two seconds. she’s not going to disappear
→ pierregasly it’s called a healthy attachment
→ ItsYN he says whilst cuddled into my neck and following me to the bathroom
lilymhe she’s so hot, drop me her @ please
→ pierregasly back off
→ ItsYN i’m right here bby girl. let me take out on a date 
→ charles_leclerc careful lily or he might start yelling at you next 
alpinef1team we’ve been asked by an anonymous source that you all refrain from discussing previous events. reparations have been made and it’s been advised that such an event remain in the past 
→ danielricciardo lol he ran to mom
→ landonorris anonymous source, my ass. just tag him
→ georgerussell63 this is so lame
→ alex_albon mate, this is more obvious than pierre’s jealousy 
→ charles_leclerc even i cannot support him through this 
→ ItsYN i love you, my little croissant, but i cannot pretend that this is normal
→ pierregasly ultimate betrayal
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Sorry if this wasn’t angst enough. Humour and fluff are more my forte.
As always, F1 requests open for the current grid and retired drivers.
Tag list
@peachiicherries @rosecentury
(A huge thank you to both of you for wanting to be added to all f1 posts. It means a lot)
1K notes · View notes
beah388love · 22 days
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Favourite flower
Full Masterlist Lando Norris Masterlist
Pairing: Lando Norris x Fem!reader
Summary: You love orchids..it could even be an addiction.
Warnings: swearing! Bad language, reader is upset and cries! (Please tell me if I missed any?!!!)
It was a known thing that you absolutely adored orchids. They were your favourite flower in the whole world and you would quite literally look after them like your babies.
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“Okay now turn the chat on” lando explained to max and he rolled his eyes “how do I do that?”
“You press the button.” Lando said throwing his hands up losing his patience “what button?! There’s a lot to pick from!” Max argued and you gave the camera a tired look from their stupid arguments, they honestly sounded like an old married couple sometimes.
“Just let me do it-“ lando huffed as he pressed it and the chat started swarming with comments, “Jesus Christ how am I supposed to read all that?” Max said laughing and lando shook his head with a smile as he continued to try to fix the mic stand.
“Thank you for the sub Kelly5608…who’s that?” Max read out from the chat “that’s y/n guys she’s chilling” max smiled as you gave the camera a wave from his sofa.
User1: who is that in the background?
User2: OMG Y/N WE SAW YOUR ORCHIDSSSSS
User3: congrats on your win y/n!
User4: what orchids did you get for winning your race?!
User5: NOT MAX AND LANDO ARGUING AGAIN LMAO
Max scrolled up as he tried to read the comments “they’re all asking about your new orchid y/n” max smiled as he looked over to you “oh yeah! I was going to post her today but forgot! Hang on imma go get her!” You gasped with a squeal as you jumped up and ran out the room to go grab the flower.
“She loves orchids guys..the house is full of them.” Max chuckled and lando grinned “they all have names too”
“Here she is! Shes pink with SPOTSSSSS! I haven’t got a name for her yet though..” you beamed as you showed the camera your new orchid.
“How many have you got now?” Lando asked with a smile at your excitement. “Uh…12”
“Why do you like them so much?” Max asked and you shrugged “they’re just so pretty..” you said touching the petals of your flower in awe.
Lando wrapped his arm around your stomach and pulled you to him “max everything’s okay now, I think.” Lando said as he gestured to his set up.
“Thanks mate..are you guys staying in the background?” Max asked and lando looked up to you to see what you wanted to do, “mhm..yeah I’m gonna go put my orchid back first though” you said as you put a hand through landos hair before leaving again.
Lando huffed with a moody face as max thanked his subs.
User1: why’s lando so annoyed?
User2: lando looks so mad
Lando read the chat as he waited for you, “guys I’m tired..I’m not annoyed” Lando said not noticing you behind him making him jump a bit. “He’s tired..my grouchy boy” you smirked teasing him.
Lando grabbed his phone and sat on the sofa, pulling you on top of him making you giggle “can we sleep?” Lando asked tiredly and you nodded into his chest as he played with your hair.
“Lando and y/n are dead asleep guys..” max said as he looked behind him “i think he’s actually drooling…yeah he’s drooling” max laughed to himself as he stood up and took a picture before sneakily sitting back in his chair again “I can use that for blackmail now” max smirked with a devil laugh.
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“Okay…chat can you hear me? Can you hear us?” Max asked into the mic whilst lando checked the monitor was working. “Okay..they can hear us.”
“Now let’s call ria” max said as he clicked his tongue, “max? Lando? Can you hear me? I can hear you.” She said through her headset and max smiled “we can hear you”
You were snuggled up in lando’s arms, playing a game on his phone.
“Is y/n there?” Ria asked and max looked over to lando.
“Yeah but she can’t hear you” max said and that perked your interest as you lifted your head and looked up at max and lando confused.
Lando bit back his grin “He’s talking about ria.” Lando explained and you nodded as you laid your head back down on his chest, lando stroking his hand up and down your back under your his hoodie.
“Is she gonna stay there?” Ria asked and max shook his head. Max poked lando on the head catching his attention.
Max silently gestured to you and lando nodded, “baby? Is it okay if you lay somewhere else?” Lando asked and you whined “why…m’comfy here.”
“Because I need to have room for the game we’re playing” Lando said and you huffed “fine…”
You got up and took landos phone with you still playing whatever game had your attention, “Kiss?” Lando grabbed your wrist gently stopping you and you smiled before giving him a small kiss, before walking off to your bedroom.
“Okay she’s gone.” Max whispered into his mic “you don’t need to whisper you muppet.” Lando rolled his eyes with a laugh.
“Okay. So how are we planning this surprise then?” Max asked.
“Right..so I have a list of all the things she likes here-“ ria said but lando interrupted “we already got her some orchids by the way”
“Great, That’s off the list then.” Ria smiled as she scratched it off her notes.
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Liked by McLaren, maxfewtrell, Carlossainz and 1,484,932 others
landonorris: Y/n’s surprise from me and max…. She has been blocked from this post btw so don’t tag her lol
Tagged: maxfewtrell
User1: omg where to find a man like lando?
User2: literalllyyyyyy
User3: omg this is so fucking cute
User4: what’s this about?
User5: y/n won the Grand Prix and lando and max did a whole stream making a surprise for her
maxfewtrell: we was in that garden centre for hours.
landonorris: hours.
Maxverstappen1: remember her birthday?
landonorris: god don’t remind me, it’s so hard to get her presents
Carlossainz: You didn’t get her that pink one did you?
landonorris: yeah I did
Carlossainz: Dude. You said I could get her that one?!
landonorris: snooze ya lose
-
Ginge and Ethan flew out to Monaco to ‘to train and eat like lando for 24 hours’
“Woah! Are these y/n’s orchids?” Ethan asked when he saw the windowsill filled with them, two hanging down either side.
“Mh? Oh yeah- that’s just some of them, the rest are in our bedroom” lando said with a little laugh.
“These are just some? There’s 1..2..3…8!” Ginge exclaimed as he counted them.
“What’re you talking about?” You smiled as you walked in to the kitchen right on time.
“Your orchids” lando smiled as he placed a kiss on your head and you gasped happily.
“Be prepared…they have names.” Lando whispered to them both before you began rambling. Lando giggled to himself as he ate his breakfast.
“This one is called pineapple! Because it looks like a pineapple and this one is called leafy-“ you smiled as you showed them both all your orchids and they were shocked when you told them how long you had them all..
“How many have died?” Ginge asked “only one out of..twelve” you said and he nodded “I thought these were hard to look after?”
“They say that but I’m not an expert” you shrugged “what’s the oldest you have then? Or the first one you got?” Ethan asked and you squealed excitedly.
“It’s one of my favourites..it’s called leafy and I’ve had it since I was 14 so…seven years nearly eight” you said and they both gasped “Jesus Christ- how long do they live?”
“Some live up to 20+ years but I haven’t had any that long to determine that yet” you smiled
“Anyway you better eat your breakfast before your workout” you said as you remembered their plan for today.
“I guess I know what to get her for her next birthday” ginge laughed and lando shook his head “No. No more orchids.”
“What?” You said sadly and he smirked “only kidding…I luv em- they remind me of you” he smiled as he pulled you into his embrace and you laughed “well in that case…I want a red one” you grinned.
-
You sat on the sofa with lando and Carlos for post-race interview questions.
“First of all congratulations on your win y/n-“ the interviewer smiled and you smiled back “thank you”
“My question is, so it’s very known that you love your orchids-“ the interviewer grinned and you giggled nodding your head “you could say that again” Carlos laughed
“Are you expecting any after this win? I remember your last win and might I say you got a lot” the interviewer smiled and you nodded “I don’t expect any, but I would love them” you answered.
“And might I ask why you love them so much?” The man asked and you thought for a moment “I can’t really say? I just do? Ever since I was gifted my first one I’ve just fell in love with them.” You smiled at the memory.
-
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“Alright, max! We’re leaving now” you said as lando grabbed his bag “alright see you later” max smiled
“Water my orchids yeah?” You said pointing a finger at him sternly and he nodded with a smile.
“60 ml of water, boil the rice water- oh! And only on the weekend! Once a week!” You listed off as lando dragged you out the house.
“I will! Now go. leave!” Max chuckled as he shut the door.
A week later
Max poured the boiled water exactly too 60ml in the jug and walked over to your orchids and began watering them until he got to your favourite and in his opinion his favourite too, the light blue orchid.
The rarest out of all of your collection, it was a gift from lando after winning your first race and he had asked you to be his girlfriend. You had named it lucky.
He poured in the water and did a double take when he saw the flowers had shrivelled up and gone brown. “Oh my fucking god.” He muttered under his breath.
“Oh fuck. Shit-“ he cursed as he reached out to touch one of the shrivelled flowers but it fell off from his touch. “Ah- shit!” He swore as he began pacing.
“Fuck i killed it. It’s dead. Oh my god.” He panicked to himself and jumped when his phone lit up.
He hesitantly walked over to his phone and scrunched his face when he saw it was lando.
Lando: we just landed and y/n wants me to tell you to only do 60ml lol
Max bounced his leg anxiously as he sat down looking at his phone, he overcome his anxiety and hit press on the call button next to landos name.
Lando answered his phone confused, “max?”
“Lando- I uh- promise you won’t yell at me.” Max said quietly and lando stiffened catching your attention. “What did you do.” Lando asked and max breathed out.
“Is y/n there? Can she hear me?” Max asked and lando sighed, “y/n? I’m gonna go somewhere quieter okay?” He asked and you nodded.
“Alright I’m alone. What happened?” Lando asked worried
“Promise you won’t be mad…” max said and lando huffed “max. Just get it out.”
“I killed y/n’s orchid”
“Lando?”
“Oh my fucking god.” Lando shut his eyes and scrunched his face.
“I didn’t mean to! I didn’t even do anything! It’s just brown and wilted and dead.” Max blurted in a panic.
“How are you gonna tell her?” Lando asked and max went silent “I thought you was going to! That’s why I called you!” Max argued and lando scoffed.
“Yeah well I’m not the one who killed it. Wait what one is it?” Lando asked and max bit his lip anxiously.
“The blue one….”
“OH MY F-“ lando whisper shouted as he slapped his hand to his face.
“Oh my god she’s gonna be so upset. Fuck. We can’t tell her yet, we’ll tell her after qualifying” Lando said and max sighed “fuck I feel so bad”
“Max I’ve gotta go- she’s coming” Lando said before hanging up.
“What was that about?” You asked and lando quickly lied “he needed help to connect to the wifi”
“That’s max for you” you laughed and he nodded with a fake smile “yeah- yeah it is.” Lando said through gritted teeth.
After qualifying
You had come second in qualifying, lando came first.
“Baby..I uhm- I need to talk to you and you need to promise me you won’t be mad” Lando said seriously and you instantly grew worried, “w-what is it?”
“So- uh- I don’t know how to say this but…max accidentally killed your orchid….” Lando said as he held your hand and you physically paled.
“Which one?” You asked with widened eyes and he took a breath “the blue one…” Lando said and you gasped and felt tears prick your eyes.
You know people would say how stupid it is to cry over a flower but it’s not just a flower. It was the orchid lando got your for winning your first race and it was the night he asked you to be his girlfriend that he gave it to you, and he had picked the colour blue 1. Because of how rare it is and everyone struggled to get a hold of it and 2. Because the colour reminded you of someone meaningful to you.
“Baby..” Lando said softly as he wrapped you in his arms “w-why did h- he k-kill it” you whimpered as you wiped your tears.
Oscar walked over to you both but lando quickly gestured to him to leave and Oscar nodded awkwardly before leaving.
“I- I wanna go back home” you whimpered and lando nodded as he rocked you both side to side.
“Alright..we can go back home baby” lando muttered into your hair as he rested his chin on top of your head.
“Can you carry me?” You asked and he gave you a sad smile nodding “hop on baby” Lando said as he bent down and you hopped onto his back, wrapping your arms over his shoulders and burying your head into the crack of his neck.
He felt awful. He could feel some stray tears dropping onto his neck and shirt.
He carried you through the paddock up to his car. You got off his back silently and sat in the front passenger seat looking down at you hands.
You pulled your hood up and lando felt so bad, he knew how much your orchids meant to you especially the blue one.
“Im sorry baby..” Lando said sadly, stroking your thigh with his free hand.
The jet home was silent for you, lando had given you his headphones and you sat on his lap you face buried in his neck and his arms wrapped around you.
He knew his headphones were noise cancelling so when Oscar asked him what had happened he sighed and explained what happened to him.
“Actually that reminds me- max was supposed to message me…” lando said as he grabbed his phone from the table, he could feel your breathing slow and little snores from you so he knew you had fallen asleep.
Max: is she okay?
Lando: she’ll be okay, how did you kill it?
Max: I didn’t! It just died! I swear! I’ve never killed her orchids before when I looked after them.
Lando: I know I just find it weird since it’s a couple years old now? It should’ve been fine.
Max: I feel awful.
Lando: she’ll forgive you don’t worry
Max: I hope so
Lando sighed as he shut his phone off, “are you sure it’s dead?” Oscar asked and lando nodded. “Max said its flowers have all fallen off and gone brown” Lando said tiredly and Oscar furrowed his brows.
“Doesn’t that happen when they wilt though? They usually die when the leaves go?” Oscar asked and lando pouted his lips confused “how do you know so much about orchids?”
“Y/n” Oscar said with a little laugh.
Once you got home
You had hopped onto landos back again, your face nuzzled in his neck. “Please don’t be mad at max baby, he didn’t mean to kill it” Lando said and you sighed sadly.
“I won’t I’m just upset.”
“I know.” Lando said as he rubbed small circles on the back of your leg, holding you up.
Max opened the door hesitantly, scared of your anger and sadness towards him but it didn’t come.
You hopped off of landos back and quickly walked inside to go look at your favourite flower but you paused when you saw it.
“Y/n…I- Im Sorry” max said quietly and lando bit his lip as he leaned against the wall watching you.
“Wait? I’m confused? Where’s my blue orchid?” You asked and max furrowed his brows pointing to the flower you was looking at.
“You said it was dead?” You said and max and lando looked at each other even more confused.
“Oh my god. You fucking scared me! It’s not dead you guys! It’s just wilted” you gasped in relief and max held his chest in relief.
“Wait so you’re telling me it’s alive?” Max asked and you nodded “oh thank fuck.”
“So you panicked us the whole time and it was alive?” Lando said and max nodded with an awkward tight lipped smile.
“Oh my god I’m so happy you’re alive lucky…” you exclaimed as you cradled the flower in your arms.
“Max is never looking after you again.” You half-teased and max looked at the floor embarrassed
“I said I was sorry! How was I supposed to know it wasn’t dead?” Max argued and you rolled your eyes.
“It doesn’t matter now. I just wanna sleep, I’m tired and my body hurts” you said tiredly since you and lando had literally just come back from qualifying.
“C’mon baby, let’s go to bed” Lando smiled holding his hand out for you which you took.
“Night max! Don’t go on any more killing sprees!” Lando teased and laughed when he heard max yell back “shut up lando”
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-
Lando’s story updated
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User1: THANK GOD
User2: OUR MASCOT IS OKAY! OUR BABY IS OKAY!
MercedesF1: thank god! You nearly gave the whole grid a panic attack! Shame on you max.
maxfewtrell: I said I was sorry 😔 no need to call me out like that
User3: I’m so lost. who is lucky?
User4: Lucky is y/n’s orchid
User5: lucky is our baby*
maxfewtrell: I apologise to all the lando and y/n fans…
landonorris: Get outta my comment section
User10: you better
User11: What did you do max?!
User12: how do you accidentally kill but not kill a flower?
User13: max our cute little murderer
User14: ^^ very mindful, very demure, very cutesy
User6: lando and y/n are so cuteeee
User7: what happened tho? She looked so upset
maxverstappen1: you gave me a mini heart attack when I read everyone’s tweets saying lucky died
georgerussell: I nearly died when I saw the tweets
User15: BRO WHO IS LUCKY?!
User16: lucky is y/n’s orchid
mclaren: so glad everyone is A-okay! 👌🏻
Carlossainz: I nearly dropped my phone when I saw fans tweets
User8: AHHH MY FAV COUPLE
User9: ITS *SHIPNAME*
I hope you enjoyed reading lol - this is in honour of my favourite flower
839 notes · View notes
hoshigray · 6 months
Note
I told you I was going to do it and here I am lmao. Any who reader and Toji are bumming on the couch watching a movie within the movie there is a spicy scene involving 69 that is mediocre. It gives reader an idea to make a bet with Toji to see who can last the longest. Toji isn't budging at first but when the reader mentions that they want to do in the same position within the movie (something they never did before) he gladly accepts the challenge. I'll leave the plot and ending up to you love. I know you will work your magic for him.
69 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐒 𝐒𝐎 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐄 .ᐟ | toji fushiguro
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hehehe ty jazz, i'll do my best for youuu ☆☆☆
𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Toji x fem/afab! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - masturbation (m! receiving) - 69 position - oral (f! + m! receiving) - impact play (spanking + f! receiving) - overstimulation - clitoral play (licking and sucking) - pet names (baby, doll, mama, pretty thing) - mention of saliva/spit. 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.9k
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“Wow….this movie kinda sucks.”
“Mhm…Aye, y’re the one who wanted to watch this shit.” 
“Well, I mean, at least it’s…semi-enjoyable.”
Toji and you were sitting on the couch, winding down in the living room after a nourishing dinner. One of the many things you liked to do with your man was to watch movies, figuring that would be a perfect thing to do during the downtime to chill and huddle with your man. What you didn’t expect, however, was how underwhelming the movie seemed. 
It was one of those rated R movies batted around within the year, figuring now would be an ideal time to get to it. Welp, it was entertaining enough for you two to continue watching. Now, being midway through, it’s getting a little frustrating to deal with. 
“Oh, okay…” annnnnd now the film has transitioned to an abrupt sex scene….how great. “I guess this is why it’s rated R.”
The sex scene you two were watching was…average at best. You’ve seen way spicier scenes in your life — hell, literal cringey porn you’ve watched with your friends was heavily more explicit than this. There was the rushed kissing, the frantic clothes coming off, no amount of foreplay whatsoever — just heading right into it, exaggerated cries coming from the woman as the guy frantically humps her nude frame.
You observe the scene through a neutral gaze as you lay against Toji’s side, his arm stretched to your shoulder to keep you close. But then, your head tilts when something on the screen catches your attention. 
The camera pans to the guy’s face, who’s lying on the bed as the other straddles them, facing his lower half. For a few seconds, you can only see the guy’s face until the camera follows him going closer to the girl’s ass that’s hovered before him. His tongue sticks out before he propels his mouth to her bottom, and her muffled moans can be heard off-screen with his grunts. 
Loud, amateur sounds aside, the position sparked something for you to turn and ask the following to your boyfriend: “Hey, Toji?” He hums, feeling the vibration of his voice from your hand on his chest. “Have you ever done that position?”
You can see his eyebrows trench down — not bewildered by your question, but pondering how he could answer truthfully. “Mmm…I think so? Been a long while, though.”
You nod aimlessly with your eyes glued to the screen, hearing the woman’s whimpers get a bit louder as the guy grasps her ass while “eating her out.” The thought of being on top of Toji and his mouth and hands on your body like that, you had to bite the inside of your cheek to remind yourself not to get too—
“Why you ask; ya horny?” Well, you can’t be too modest around this man, huh. You finally turn to look at him, prepared for the smirk he greets you with. A smile is all you reply with. “Sorry, baby, I don’t know about tonight. Kinda tired.” 
For a few seconds, you’re on his side. You understand he’s a little fatigued from work today and only wants to chill with his partner. However, a tiny part of you – the devilish cutie side – takes over and slides your hand from his chest. Down to his hard abs covered by his black wife beater, stopping at his clothed inner thigh, resulting in him hitching his breath. 
“Tired?” You say in a soft tune, your eyes peering down to your hand as it rubs on his thigh, inching further and further in. You take note of Toji’s fingers tapping on your shoulder – a silent warning. “Are you sure about that?” 
“You better move that hand, Y/n.” His body jolts when your hand creeps up to his groin, motioning around it with provocative kneads. 
“Hmm, why?” You play coy, placing kisses on the underside of his chin. “You tired of me?” 
He throws his head back at your soft lips, attacking his neck while your hand comes to the hem of his sweatpants. A shaky breath is released at the contact of your cold fingers on his warm erection. “Hmmm…could never be tired of you….Ahhh,“ your forefinger swipes around the glans.
“Then what are you so scared of?” You keep pressing on, sucking on his skin under your lips. His length gets firmer under your grasp, veins grazed by your fingertips. “Scared you wouldn’t last longer than me?”
“Ohh, don’t play with me, Y/n,” Toji grunts, the hand on your shoulder grips your cardigan. His erect cock throbs on your palm, and precum begins to leak out from you, playing with the tip. “–Mmmph…I already told you I wasn’t feelin’ it tonight.”
Liar, you say to yourself, noting him breathing slowly while you massage his balls. “Please, Toji?” You ask sweetly to his ear, his hand coming down to your waist as you stroke him off. “I never done that position before, but it looks real fun…I wanna do it with you.” 
Toji doesn’t give in easily, looking at you with a raised brow. So you throw in another please with an innocent pout and two bats of the eyes to seal the deal. He chortles; how can he say no to you looking at him like that? “Bet I can make you lose within the first few minutes.” 
You beam at him, “Bet I can make you cum first.”
“Y’re not gonna last for very long, princess, I can promise you that.”
A smirk pulls your cheeks. “Let’s try it out then.”
And just like that, with a mutual agreement, the challenge was put to the test. 
So here you are, straddling on top of Toji on the living room couch, both your bottoms and his sweats on the cold floor. Your bare ass out in front of him to see as he lies with his head on the couch pillow. Your front facing his legs, and his dick erected for you to lick and suck on. 
It started slow in the beginning; Toji massages your asscheeks as you lick around the glans and stroke his girth. “Mmmm, just like that, mama,” he praises, egging you on to take in more of him. Your mouth bobbing up and down his shaft, gradually taking in inch by inch until your mouth reaches the hilt. “Fuuck, feels so good…”
You aren’t forgotten either, Toji starting with slow licks, his tongue lapping your labia. You mewl on his cock, voluntarily moving your hips to satiate the throbs of your cunt. Shit, you love it when he eats you out, but this position makes you turn on even more — unable to see what he’s doing, letting his hands and tongue speak for himself. 
And you have to give it to yourself; you mangled to survive for a little while! The first minute was just him warming you up, teasing your folds with swishes to get you real wet as you blow him, his fingers groping your ass as his thumb plays around your ass taint. It all had you riled up, rocking your lower half so much that the man had to station you still for him to feast on your wetness properly. 
It wasn’t until you felt his tongue brush up on your clitoris did shit get serious. One sharp, muffled gasp paired with a jolt from your body. Of course, Toji noticed, his grin coming from ear to ear. “Oh, did I do that?” Yes, you did, you bastard. “Heh, you are not ready for this, baby…”
He says this before stuffing his mouth back into your leaky chasm so his tongue could swirl around your slit with vigor so rough that you nearly choked on your gasp for air. “—Oohh!! W–Wait, Toji, not so—Ahhn!” Fast licks have you squirm, prompting your man to keep you on him with his hands on your waist. It’s hard to concentrate giving Toji a blowjob with him nibbling on your labia before throwing more laps on your clitoris. 
“Wait, Toji, s-stoop; I’m gonna—Nnaaah!” Your fingers clamp around his girth, howling as he bullies his tongue to enter your vagina, his face buried nose-deep in your ass while sucking on your genitals. “Fuuck, oh shit, I can’t…Ohh, ohhh!!”
And just like that, you release into his mouth before you could even prepare yourself. Your trembling figure jolts with every shock coursing through your body. And Toji drinks your essence with every passing wave, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you straddled above him. 
Oh fuck, the clarity you experience is mind-blowing every time he eats you out — whimpers escape pretty lips as your sensitive nerves still receive gingerly laps on your soapy folds. That felt way too good, oh my God…
But it doesn’t stop there — no, no. Not with Toji, too pleased with how he made your legs tremble before him. He snickers while spreading your folds, “Pretty thing, look at you winking at me...Nnmm, so fuckin’ good…”
He brings his mouth back to your cunt, and you jerk from the contact as your body is still not rid of the shocks from the previous orgasm. You frantically call for him, trying to writhe your ass away from him. “Ohhnn, Toji, wait, let me rest for a—Ahhhnn!!“
A sharp pain comes from an abrupt smack to your buttcheek, the skin stinging from the impact of Toji’s hand. “Aht, aht, don’t try and run now. You talked big earlier, even when I warned you.” He smacks your ass again, his fingers digging deep into your flesh to pinch. You scream for him — that’s what he wants. “Now you’re gonna sit right here and let the winner have his fill.” 
You can’t argue with him from there; Toji’s hold on you not giving in to your attempts of mercy — same for his mouth on your delicate labia. The noises coming from there are so raunchy, downright erotic, way more than whatever the hell that movie was doing. You could only wail out your cries, eyes spiraling up to your head from every lap to your clit. No point fighting the pleasure, resting your head on his thigh.
But that was short-lived because Toji was quick to correct you with another slap to your butt. Shit came out of nowhere, almost choking on your spit. “C’mon now, doll, you can’t leave me hangin’ here. Suck me off, princess.” He rubs the pain on your butt away, yet you know he’d do it again if you weren’t compliant.
You bring his fat cock back to your face, licking on the tip while stroking him. You take in the head and suck him in, bobbing your head and coating his length with your saliva. Kisses to his glans result in him burrowing his face into your ass again, hungry lips ravishing your tender insides. Jesus, the way his tongue flicks on your clit has you humming on his cock nonstop.
Oh, God, oh fuuuuck, you remove your lips from Toji’s dick, yet your hand keeps gliding up and down. “—Mwah! Hoohhh, oohhh, Tojiiii…! Again, I’m gonna cum, again….Khaa—Ohhhhh!!”
The second orgasm hits you hard, more keenly than the last, and your body quivers on top of Toji once again. Whines come from wet lips as you descend into your haze, and your toes curl as Toji doesn’t withdraw himself until he’s satiated his thirst with every remnant of your fluids. 
With every jolt and shock flowing down your frame, you use this time to let your body ride this high out, placing chaste kisses on Toji’s cock. That is until you feel Toji suck on your folds suddenly. You jump and quake, turning around to beg. “Stooohp; let me rest, please!”
He gives you a smug look with a playful smack to your hot, stinging butt. “Done being curious now, mama?”
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requests/thirsts are open hehe~ 🧸
© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2024 – reblogs and comments are wholeheartedly appreciated ☆ dividers by @/benkeibear.
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leah-lover · 4 days
Text
Sketches. Mapi x Ingrid x reader.
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Summary: what happens when Ingrid and mapi discover the sketches r drew of them.
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Doom scrolling on your phone after practice was your favorite activity of the day. You would come home exhausted, throw your kitbag in the hallway, and cocoon in your coach for about an hour.
Today was no different. You got home and did the same thing. You opened TikTok, and scrolled half mindedly. One video though grabbed your attention. It was a tik tok from the official page of Barcelona where your teammates were asked to describe you in a few words.
Cata was the first to answer and she did so by describing you as quiet. It was fair you didn't talk much if at all. It's not that you weren't comfortable enough with the team, you were just a quiet person. Irene was next and she called you kind which put a smile on your face. All your teammates called you different versions of sweet, kind, funny, quiet, and shy. You found their words endearing and it almost brought you to tears. This reaction quickly went away after you heard what mapi described you. “ Talented artist.” your face turned white and your heartbeat was accelerating. Her answer was followed by Ingrid who described you as an “ impressive painter.”
You dropped your phone quickly. “ No it can't be. No no no no. Fuck!!” You got up from the couch and tried to keep yourself busy. You put away your kit bag, did laundry , cleaned the house surprisingly thoroughly. You even meal prepped. all of this so that you wouldn't think about that video, their response, and what most likely saw.
Your alarm found you awake for the first time since the champion’s league final which spoke greatly to the anxiety you were experiencing. The thought of being face to face with them knowing that they know your secret terrified you but had to go to training so you did, and your mission was to get through the day without making contact with them because if you did you would either cry or throw up and that wasn't an option.
“ Nena what's wrong?” Asked Alexia at the meeting room.
“ Nothing capi everything is good.” You say trying to contain your tears. That's when she held your hand and redirected her focus to the coach. She rubbed her thumb across your knuckles once in a while. Once the meeting was over she pulled you gently out of the room and to a different room.
“ We are not getting out of this room until you tell me what is wrong.” Alexia looked so gentle, caring and a little bit worried. But you couldn't tell her what was wrong.
“ Nena I love you and I care about you deeply. Your anxiety is clearly through the roof. Just let me help you. We decided that you would let me help, remember.” She put her hand on your shoulder and desperately waited for an answer.
Alexia was like a big sister to you. She helped you survive your time in Barca but your issue right now was within the team not the pressure or the limelight and you know there was nothing to fix it.
“ I want a transfer. I want to leave Barcelona. I want to leave. “ You close your eyes so that you won't cry.
“ It's okay pequena everything is gonna be okay. I can fix this, whatever this is I can fix it. Trust me.” She pulled you in for a hug. Your anxiety was through the roof and the voices in your head were screaming vile and scary things at you.
“ I want to leave ale. I am serious.” You try to say sturnely.
“ You are one of your best strikers. We need you now more than ever if we want to quadruple again. And we do so you are staying.” She just held you as you cried some more.
Once you calmed down you apologized to Alexia. “ I guess you aren't gonna tell me right?” she asked again.
“ It's just about a stupid video.” You tried to stop the words as they were coming out of your mouth but it was too late.
“What video?” She asked suspiciously.
“ A video posted by the Barca page. It's nothing to worry about. Sorry capi, I didn't mean to freak out.”
“ It's fine Nena if you don't feel like training you can go home. “ She proposed after realizing you won't say anything.
“ Yeah I think that is a good idea.” You went to the locker room, grabbed your bag and left. Alexia then pulled out her phone and searched for the video you were talking about. She watched it 3 times and her teamates’s answers seemed fine, but she got suspicious of mapi and Ingrid's answers so she went to talk to them.
“ Maria, Ingrid, I need to talk to you.” Demanded the captain. They complied and waited for her at the side of the pitch.
“ Where is Nena?” Asked mapi.
“ That's what I am here to talk to you about. She went home now. I just managed to calm her down but she isn't okay. She was crying and she said she wanted a transfer from this team. She also said something about a video the social media team posted. I didn't understand anything.” Mapi and Ingrid gave one another a look they both understood. They knew what troubled you and they felt bad for it.
“ Don't worry about it ale. We will make things right, I promise you.” Said Ingrid.
“So you did something wrong. You hurt her somehow” Alexia started to frown with anger.
“ Ale calm down, I will tell you everything just not now. Everything will be alright tomorrow.”
“Well it better fucking be or you will answer to me.” added the captain before leaving.
When you arrived home your head was pounding because of the crying so you headed straight to your bedroom, got under the covers and slept almost immediately, too tired to do anything else. You only woke up when your phone was buzzing under your pillow.
“ Hola” you answered without checking who is calling.
“ Hola Nena, I need you to open the door. We are standing outside.” Said a familiar voice.
You put your phone to the side and went straight to your door not realizing what you were doing.
Once you opened the door, your eyes opened wide, surprised at who was at your door. You stood there like a statue trying desperately to calm the voices in your head.
“Nena , please let us in, we need to talk to you.” said ingrid in the gentlest voice you ever heard.
You couldn't kick them out so you stepped aside and let them get in. By the time you got to the living room your heart was beating very fast, each breath was harder and harder and the walls around you started to close in on you. Mapi was the first one to notice so she came running towards you. She took your hand, guided you to the couch and started to construct you to take deep breaths.
“ I am gonna leave. Transfer window is in 2 weeks so the coach has enough time to secure a deal with a new team. Even if they dont we can fake an injury for the media and I can just stay home until the summer where we can look again for another deal. You don't have to worry about anything. I won't cause any problems i swear. . ” you say once you get your breath back.
“ nena why do you think anybody wants you to leave?” askes ingrid.
“ I know you think I am a creep, I understand that. I don't want to cause any problems within the team so I am leaving.” you try to say as calmly as you can.
“ nena we don't think you are creepy.” replied mapi. You look at them with confusion. What if you understood everything all wrong? what if you had jumped to false confusion? What if this was all a misunderstanding from you part?
“ You said in that video that I draw really well. I never showed you any of my drawings so that means that you saw them.” you try to piece everything together.
They both look at eachother hesitantly before ingrid starts talking.
“ The other day in the locker room you wanted to talk to the physio and left your ipad open, that's when I saw a drawing of myself and I zoomed out to see the full picture. I then accidentally swiped and saw that you drew a few portraits of me and mapi separately and together.” you knew that they saw the portraits, but hearing the words come out of ingrid’s mouth made the situation much worse for you. Those drawings were something sacred and intimate to you. You expressed your every thought through them. They were your safe space and they gave solace. But now they have changed into a nightmare that would force you to leave your favorite place in the world.
“ Did you see all of them?” your voice seemed to have shrunk and as you ask the question staring at the floor.
“ yes but we don't think it's creepy. We think it's beautiful that you drew us.” mapi didn't know what to say. She was afraid that she said the wrong thing and made the situation worse.
“ mapi you saw 79 portraits of you and your girlfriend on my ipad. Very detailed portraits of the two of you that I drew when I was near you in the meeting room or training or the dinner hall or even my own bedroom and you don't think that that’s a little bit sick.” you ask the question sarcastically.
“ No we don't. look we didn't come here to fight with you or reprimand you we….” you didn't let ingrid finish her sentence, you instead got up, grabbed your ipad and displayed the portraits for them.
“ You seriously don't think this portrait is creepy.” you show them a portrait you drew of them kissing. You weren't thinking of how embarrassing this moment was, you were trying to convince yourself that they hate you because it was better than the alternative. “ Look, I hate myself for this more than you could ever hate me. That's why I want to leave. I am not going to make you feel uncomfortable anymore. “
“ can you please just shut up for a moment. We don't hate you, we don't find you creepy, we liked what we saw, and we think you are very talented. Please don't turn this into something it's not. And please don't ask for a transfer.” mapi didn't mean for her words to come out like that but she couldn't stand seeing the hurt on your face.
“ Look what Maria means to say is that it's all good with us. You don't have to worry about anything and that we are sorry we brought it up in the first place.” ingrid then extended her arms and offered you a hug which you took. You hugged her and mapi again as they left your apartment. Once you found yourself alone in your house again you grabbed your ipad and smashed it to the ground cracking the screen. You left it there on the ground and went straight to bed.
While you slept soundly the couple were the ones that would stay awake late at night.
' you shouldn't have said it like that maria.’ reprimanded ingrid.
“ What did you want me to do? I couldn't just sit there and let her insult herself.” defended mapi.
“ I don't think we handled it right. We should have talked to her more.”
“ you have seen her when she closes herself off. You can't break through when she does that. Once she convinced herself with something you can't undo it. And now she convinced herself that we hate her which isn't true.”
“ We have to find a way to convince her otherwise. She can't leave.”
“ she won't, amor.”
The next day was travel day and you were the first on that bus. You sat in the front, put on your head phones and closed your eyes. The team knew from alexia not to bother you and alexia was informed by ingrid and mapi to let them handle your situation.
You didn't hear anybody get on the bus, you only realized what was happening when the bus started moving. You weren't bothered for the first 20 minutes of the ride but that didn't last long because somebody snatched an airpod from your ear.
“ No iPad today?” asked a smiling mapi who sat next to you . Ingrid sat in front of you.
“ No, I gave that up.”
“ It's a shame you were very good at it.” she responded.
“ Since when did you start drawing?” asked ingrid.
“ since I was a kid. My therapist used to encourage me to do it because I wasn't so good at expressing what i am feeling.”
“ and these drawings help you express your feelings?” you knew what ingrid was getting to and you didn't want to go there so you went for your phone to try and increase the volume of the airpod left in your ear but ingrid’s hand got to it first.
“ Yesterday we were scared that we would say the wrong thing. But today I would rather say the wrong thing than lose you nena.” what ingrid said shocked you.
“ So you were saying that drawing helps you express things right?” continues mapi.
“ yeah. I am not very good at words. I never was so I drew all the words I couldn't say. “
“ Do you have your ipad with you?” asked ingrid.
“ No, I don't have an ipad anymore i smashed it yesterday.”
“ why?”
“ because….” you were quickly interrupted by mapi “ don't you dare say it's creepy.”
A staff member interrupts your conversation by putting an envelope on the table.
“ room 1209, 3 beds like you asked.” she said looking at mapi.
“ What did you do?” you ask confused.
“ I am making sure you are not leaving.”
The bus stopped so you couldn't continue the conversation. You weren't left any room to protest the decision that was made for you as the couple were more stubborn than you are.
Once you got in the room you were hit with the reality that you were going to have to sleep in the same room as them.
“ mapi i can't stay here.”
“ why not?”
“ You know the reason why.”
“ No we dont.” said ingrid.
“ Please don't make me go through this. I promise I won't leave, just please don't make me.”
“ I don't understand why you are so upset right now. We are just going to share a room.
The couple knew that playing dumb would anger you enough that you would start talking. The melancholic look on their faces hit the nail on the head.
“ i cant be here because of the same reason i drew those fucking drawing.. I tried to get you out of my head by drawing you and fantasizing about you but i can't stay stop whatever i am feeling from coming out when i'm sleeping and you are cuddling next to me.”
“ Why would that bother you?” they continued to play on your built up anger.
“ It bothers me because I want to be in the middle of you. I want to be with you. That's why I drew you, that's why I fantasize about it and that's why I can't sleep here.” you weren't realizing what you were saying not until you said it and it hit you like a truck.
Suddenly , you see the couple moving two beds together, taking off their shoes, and laying on the bed. Ingrid then taps on the space between them calling you over.
“ you gotta be fucking kidding me?” you say.
“ We knew what you felt the day we saw you drawing but we thought we were just reaching or projecting our feelings towards you. Since yesterday we were trying to get you to admit your feelings so that we would do too but you kept on insulting yourself which was nice by the way so we resulted in playing dumb which clearly worked. “ said mapi.
“ We care about you, we don't want to lose you. We don't have to figure out everything right now so just come and lay with us please. “ added ingrid.
You were moving on autopilot when you took off your shoes and layed in the middle of the bed between them . you stared at ingrid’s eyes for long time before you moved or spoke.
“ Your eyes are so beautiful I could never capture them in a drawing.” you then look over at mapi “ and you smile i don't think i have never seen it up close. This is too much.” you try to get up but they stop you.
“ We don't have to do anything right now.” mapi handed you a notebook and a pen.
“ Why don't you draw this moment now.” you take the pen and the biggest smile spreads on your face as you get up, look at them, and start drawing as they admired you.
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wilwheaton · 8 months
Text
there are a lot of broken people out there
A sampling of the sort of things people have been saying to me the last 48 hours.
To be clear, they are MASSIVELY outnumbered by people are are good, kind, and decent. To be clear, these people show up in little groups, around ten or so at a time, as if they were sent by someone to be hateful and cruel.
I weep when I see this sort of thing. These people are so cruel and vicious. Someone told me he wished my dad had hit me more.
I mean, just think about that. I was a little boy, a child, just existing, and a grown man -- my father -- for no reason at all would grab me by the shoulders and scream in my face until I cowered and cried and begged to be left alone.
That was my reality. That's the terror I lived in, every day. And my mother's solution to my father's abuse was to just try harder to make him love me.
Okay? That's who these people are talking about when they mock my trauma, or the pain and terror I experienced; the sadness, loss, and grief I live with.
If I could change anything, I would reword what I said so people who have a vested interest in protecting a powerful celebrity couldn't tone police me and ignore the substance of what I reacted to. I would have taken the terrified child inside of me and soothed him before the adult I am spoke up in his defense they way nobody ever did for me when I was him.
Not gonna lie, it's disappointing that I've become the subject of mockery and the real issue of how violent and out of bounds Larry David's behavior and how insincere his "apology" was seems to be ignored while a lot of angry, hurting, cruel, emotionally stunted people mock and attack me.
I don't regret what I said, and I'd say it all again.
Even though this is the sort of thing people are saying to me:
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See that? I made my father bully and abuse me, because something something the bible.
And all the rest.
What a messed up world we are in right now. Please, please choose to be kind.
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nana-gumi · 7 months
Text
devoted f.toji
pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader
cw: angst, divorce, mentions of bullying, death, mentions of abuse, starvation, bruises (megumi got into a fight), timeskip, not proofread
a/n: an alternative angst ending. enjoy :)
would everything be different if toji did not sign the divorce papers 7 years ago? everything would but everyone knew that it was already too late for that.
happy ending | alternate angst ending
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"i'm back, my love." toji muttered as he wiped his hand on a certain graveyard showing a certain name as he placed white roses above it. today marked the death anniversary of toji's wife, megumi's mother. he didn't brought megumi with him though. he went alone.
"megumi's turning 6." he mumbled as if someone was around to listen to him. "i couldn't do it alone. before. i-" toji paused, gathering the courage to spill out the words he didn't want to utter. "i almost sold megumi.." he said as he sucked in a breath.
"i'm sorry i couldn't visit you for the past weeks." toji caressed the name with his thumb. he recalled the day he didn't leave the grave, even if it rained, he stayed there.
"i miss you." toji muttered. "so much." he added. "i don't know if i am doing things right." doing things right? but what exactly?
"i couldn't stop thinking of you in her." he mumbled as he balled his fist. "ahh, i'm so stupid."
toji leaned his back on the tombstone as he looked at the grass.
would you forgive him if he said the truth? that up until now, he still couldn't move on with his deceased wife.
he didn't even noticed the time as toji stood up from the ground, the sky turning dark when he came home.
-
"where have you been, toji?" you worriedly asked as you approached him but he stopped you by your shoulders. "i'm sorry about what i said last night." you said as you lowered your head. "i didn't mean to involve her again."
"can we talk about something?" he asked, dismissing your apologies as he looked at you.
"uh, sure?" you asked, chills running down your spine at the unfamiliar tone of his voice. it was— sad?
he sat from the couch as you followed.
"(name). you know that i love you right?" he said and you couldn't help but be nervous as you weakly nod. he loves you? you didn't know. "forgive me, (name)." he said as he intertwined his hands together. "because after all this time, i realized that—" he paused as he looked at you. and he just hoped he didn't. "i still couldn't move on." he mumbled, enough for you to hear it.
you gulped the lump in your throat as you sat beside him, placing a comforting hand on his back.
"it's okay and— i know." you said as you forced a smile.
"i'll let you go if you want." he said, but do you really want to?
"mh, maybe it's for the best, right?" you said as hummed.
"i'm sorry."
"don't be." you said as you stood up from the couch. "it'll be fine." if it is for your happiness. then it'll be. "well, i guess we'll push through the divorce?" you said.
it was a harsh decision. you both knew that, but maybe it was really for the best.
"you can come visit megumi. i'm sure he'll be glad to see you." he said as he smiled lightly.
"that would be good." you said, returning his smile.
-
was it really the right choice?
toji was vulnerable that night he came home. he didn't know if he really did made the right choice. now he had to deal with megumi's tantrums as they watch you leave.
"mama!" megumi cried as toji held him by his shoulders, restraining him from following you as you walked out of your home.
"mama will visit, 'gumi." you said as you waved him a goodbye.
"mama, don't leave please!" megumi yelled, trying to remove his father grip but it was useless. "mama!" he cried.
was it a coincidence that it started to rain heavily too? maybe the universe was crying with you.
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megumi was already turning 13, but ever since you left, not a single day you payed him a visit. he barely remember your face, your voice as you lull him to sleep, you cookings. he missed it. he had to learn cooking at a very young age because you weren't around anymore.
at his age, he finally understood what happened to his father and his step-mother. it was a marriage where there was no love in it.
he was fooled by the people he loved the most.
megumi became distant to his father, and he believes you were a liar for promising that you'll visit him. he waited, and waited until he couldn't anymore.
everyone lied to him. his father did, you did and he thinks he couldn't just forgive you, not until you'll show yourself again.
-
toji was restless on their living room. megumi is still wasn't home. it was around 9pm in the clock when he heard a knock on the door, and once he opened it, instead of seeing his grumpy son, he was met with.. your youngest sister.
"toji zenin?" she asked as toji frowned.
"toji fushiguro." he corrected.
"well that's still the same. can i go inside?" she asked and toji hesitantly let her inside.
-
"here." your sister said, handing him a paper bag.
"what's this?" toji's asked with a raised eyebrow as he took the paper on his hand.
"my sister's belongings. you can keep it."
"why?"
"she wanted your son to have it. she said it's a gift from the birthdays she missed."
"why don't she give it herself?"
"could a dead person do that?" sarcasm was evident on your sisters voice when she said those words. "she—" your sister paused as she cleared her throat. "—died of heart failure." she continued.
he doesn't know what to say, not when your sister was on the verge of tears but she concealed it with a heavy sigh.
after several minutes, your sister took toji silence as the sign to go out but before she could leave the house she faced him again.
"i hope my sister's been good to your family." she said with now a sad tone, only to be met with a younger version of toji who was frozen at the door, band aids decorating his bruised face. she bowed at megumi and walked past him.
-
megumi took out all of the things inside the paper bag. there was a book with a dried purple rose in it, a polaroid, a picture frame of you and him when he was still in elementary and a two knitted scarfs with his and toji's name embroidered on it.
megumi failed to notice a certain birthday card on it. not until it flew down on the ground.
'happy birthday my 'gumi.'
it said on the front page.
"happy birthday megumi! i'm sorry i missed a lot of your birthdays. knowing you, you hate mama now, don't you? i'm sorry i couldn't keep my promise to visit. mama's been busy with a lot lot of things but don't worry, mama will visit you as soon as she can! i love you my baby."
love,
mama <3
-
toji heared loud footsteps from the stairs as he caught the scarf megumi just threw at him before it could hit his face.
"are you happy now?" megumi said as he clutched the dark blue knitted scarf on his hand, identical to ones he threw at his father a minute ago. "mama's dead now!" megumi exclaimed.
"this is all your fault." megumi said, his voice breaking as he clutched the scarf close to his chest. "if only.. if only you stopped mama from leaving."
and toji could only stay quiet, taking his son's anger all by himself.
-
"abused, isolated and was left starved. they didn't feed her for days until her body gave up." the police said.
"i thought she died from heart failure?"
"no. they kept her death a secret and it's been 2 years since mr. fushiguro, how did you found out about this case?"
"(name)'s my ex-wife. i only found out when her sister visited."
"i see. well that's understandable knowing that her death was kept from the public. but worry not, her parents was already in jail. that's the only information i could give you, mister."
-
"what did you want to talk about?" your sister said as she leaned her back on a wall.
"you lied, you said she died from a heart failure."
"that's what she wanted me to tell you." she sighed, placing her hands inside her pocket. both was quiet, none wanted to start speaking but both has a lot to say.
"i was very close to my sister and it hurts me to see her defend you from our parents." she said as she continues. "she suddenly came home saying that you wanted a divorce and our parents got mad. she was treated like a maid in our home. i couldn't do anything. i wanted to help her but she didn't want me to be in danger."
"my parents were furious because your family removed all of the connections they had together with my family and they blame my sister for it. did you found out?" your sister asked.
"found out what?"
"the only reason my parents asked your family to marry my sister was because of your company's money." toji kept quiet and your sister took this as the chance to continue. "my sister didn't want it but suddenly, she told me she was excited for the marriage. she told me that you were the boy she was looking for." she smiled as she recalled that day. "i don't think my sister agreed to marry you because of your company's money. my sister genuinely loved you, mr. zenin."
that was your parent's plan all along? he didn't even knew it because he thinks your sister was right, you really did loved him genuinely.
"i don't blame you for it, mr. zenin. but i just hoped that you didn't let my sister go home that night. maybe her fate would be different, maybe.. she's still alive until now. i didn't even know she was suffering from a heart disease." she said, muttering the last sentence as she chuckled bitterly.
"why didn't she reach out at me?" toji said, mainly asking himself.
"that's what i told her but my sister doesn't want to force herself to someone who threw her away." that sure hit a vein on his heart because in reality, he did threw you away.
"where was she buried?" toji asked.
"you wouldn't find it. she was cremated and i don't know where my parents took her ashes. maybe they even threw it somewhere."
-
toji went home with an aching body as he fell down on the couch.
your parents was already sent at the jail 3 months ago already. your sister was brave enough to tell the police after 2 years of your death.
he didn't know how many hours has it been as he went to his room, walking past his son's room but his instinct tells that something was wrong so he went to open the door of megumi's room, only to see shattered glasses everywhere, his study table and chair was destroyed, his computer also, as he find his son laying on the bed, with a scarf around him. the scarf you made him.
"megumi." toji called as he slightly shake his son and megumi jolted awake as he pushed his father.
"what are you doing here?" megumi rasped. "leave." he said, pointing at the door.
"i got a call from your school. you were bullying someone. is that true?"
"why does it matter to you?"
"megumi—"
"dad, i said leave."
"i'm sorry, son." toji said as he placed his palm on megumi's head, only for megumi to push it away. "papa— dad will take all the blame."
"you should." megumi said but his voice betrayed him. "i hate you."
"i know, i hate myself too." toji said as megumi looked up at him. "i regret everything 'gumi."
"stop calling me that, i'm not a kid anymore."
"yeah, sorry." toji said as he stood up from megumi's bed as he made his way at the door of his room.
" 'say sorry to your papa.' that's what would mama tell me if she's here right now." megumi said.
toji sighed as he finally opened the door.
"i'm sorry. i was just mad. i'm sorry, i didn't mean it. i don't blame you." megumi said but toji was already outside of his room as he closed the door.
he didn't deserve his son's apologies, he even deserved to be blamed because in the first place, all of this could've been prevented if he did not signed the divorce 7 years ago.
"what should i do, (name)?" he asked as if you were around as he fall on the ground as he leaned on the wall.
what should he do to make his son trust him again, he wanted to have the closure he had with his son when you were still living with them.
toji doesn't know what to do at this point, and instead of thinking about his first wife, he just hoped that you were beside him right now, telling him the things he should and shouldn't so megumi wouldn't hate him like how it was now.
he just hoped that you were beside him..
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taglist: @xllizs
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hitomisuzuya · 3 months
Text
Bully! Scaramouche x fem!reader. Smut. Blowjob. Bullying. Degradation. Consent is clearly written.
I meant to have this written last night, but I got high and went and zoned out on Star Rail and lost track of time 😭 I am battling a little bit of writers block, so I am sorry that this sucks.
You didn't know how things had snowballed like this. The books and papers in your arms were scattered all over your the ground, and you were on your knees in front of your bully in an empty classroom.
Scaramouche thought there was an interesting look in your eyes. It was a look determined to stand up to him despite the position that you were in. And yet you looked so weak with frustrated tears in your eyes.
He reached down to graze his finger tips across your cheek. Before you knew it was happening, your body betrayed you. You turned your cheek into his hand. The action made you abruptly realize, and not for the first time that you were in love with your bully.
There was no way you'd ever admit such a thing to Scaramouche. At first, you'd cried a lot from Scaramouche's bullying, avoiding him as much as you could. But lately, encounters with him left you almost embarrassingly wet.
You spent more than a few nights fingering yourself, think about him bullying and being rough with you while your fingers skated feverishly on your throbbing clit. Stifling moans of his name behind your hand.
When did his bullying start to make you feel so good?
Scaramouche smirked seeing your reaction. "Poor thing, so touch starved it's pathetic," He cooed condescendingly, his hand lingering on your cheek. He tilted your head up to make you look at him. "But you don't want just any touch. You want mine, don't you?"
Your eyes widened, a few tears falling from your cheeks. "Aww, I saw right through you, and it hurt, didn't it?" He skimmed a thumb over a tear. "Admit it," He petted a hand through your hair, delighting when you relaxed visibly into his touches. "Admit it, and you'll better."
Your lower lip trembled a little. "Fine, okay. It's true, is that what you wanted to hear?" His cock couldn't help but throb seeing how much it dented your pride to admit it. He'd didn't think you'd ever done something genuine for yourself in your life. There was such a fierce honesty in your eyes.
He was quiet for a moment, and you thought he was just going to let you go now. How wrong you were when you heard him chuckle. Scaramouche was not a merciful guy. You knew this first hand.
His hand cupped your cheek again, a shiver rippling through him as you submissively turned your cheek into his hand again. Did you have any idea what you always did to him? How much he wanted to tame that mouth of yours when you tried to stand up to him?
How in love you'd made him fall for you.
"Tell me, kitten, what do you think about at night when you touch yourself?" You looked up at him incredulously. He just never stops! All he does poke, poke, poke!
It was obvious Scaramouche had no shame in what he said. He had, after all been listening outside your dorm door, his eyes nervously darting around as he palmed and stroked his cock outside his shorts, praying no one would walk down the hall and see him.
His cock hardened more when you nuzzled your cheek against his hip. You were quiet, debating whether to deny it. But you knew you couldn't. Scaramouche always saw right through you. "You. I think about you," You admitted, not being able to bring yourself to look up at him.
"Good girl," He petted your hair again, "See, that wasn't so hard, was it? I knew your hair color isn't indicative of your IQ. Sometimes it shows, though."
You felt the blush on your cheeks darken. He'd praised you in one breath, and insulted you in the next in a condescending way. The way he did it only made you feel wetter. You couldn't help how far you'd sunk to the bottom.
Scaramouche knew he had you right where he wanted you. You were submissive putty in his hands. "Go on then," He folded his hand in your hair, moving your mouth towards his straining cock. "Indulge me in what you think about. Do something for yourself and indulge yourself for once. Or is that too hard for a good girl like you?"
You couldn't deny it. You wanted to take his cock out and suck him off. Wanted him to use your throat to get off. You squeezed your thighs together, shaky fingers reaching up to unbutton his shorts. He grunted softly as you wrapped your hand around his cock once it was free.
Your tongue swept out to slowly kitten lick his cock, feeling it pulse on your tongue. Scaramouche let out a shaky sigh, surprised that you didn't bite a comment at him. His hand tightened in your hair as your prodded the tip of your tongue in the slit, playing it in his precum.
You scooped the head of his cock into your mouth suck on. Scaramouche's hand tightened in your hair, holding your head still so he could push the rest of his cock into your mouth. Your mouth clutched warm and wet on his cock as you started sucking.
"What an obedient little slut," He moaned, thrusting into your mouth. You coughed, gagging as his cock pushed into your throat. "Fuck, you really will make the perfect pet whore for me," Your throat felt divine spasming on his cock.
He bobbed your head up and down on his cock, his knees feeling weak from how submissively you let him control your pace. His degradation made your clit throb, your panties soaking and clinging to your clit.
Scaramouche laughed shakily seeing the adoring look in your teary eyes. He rewarded such a look by making you choke on his cock again. Drool pooled from your mouth as you coughed, your hand reaching under your skirt to push your panties aside.
You struggled to moan as you grinded your throbbing clit on your fingers, eagerly flattening your tongue on the vein that buldged up in his cock. You were thoroughly enjoying your bully using your throat like a flesh light.
"I'll keep you by side," He pulled your hair, holding your head still as he relentlessly pumped his cock in and out of your mouth. "My pretty pet slut deserves a collar," Your eyes lit up hearing his words, vibrating a moan on his cock.
"Fuck, I'm cumming," He mumbled, his grip loosened on your hair as cum ribboned salty into your mouth. "You are all mine now."
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luveline · 10 months
Note
hi can i request girl dad!aaron 🥺🥺 i am such a sucker for him, anything would be amazing thank you so much <3
hope this is okay!! —you have big news for your small family. 1.5k pregnant!mom!reader
When you first married his father, you weren't expecting Jack Hotchner to like you very much. Losing his mom so young, you wouldn't have blamed him for resenting you, or even hating you. You were like a stranger in his home. 
Things are different now. Jack lays in your lap with his head on your shoulder, and maybe he's a little too old for such a coddling cuddle, but who really cares? You love him and you love holding him, and if he wants some extra comfort tonight you're happy to give it. Plus, you have something you've been meaning to tell him.
“He doesn't have real headlights, did you know?” Jack asks. “They're just stickers.” 
You raise your brows at the car on screen. “No kidding.” You brush your fingers through his hair. He's blonde like his mom, though that blonde has turned brown the older he gets. 
“Race cars don't have headlights.”
“They don't need them,” you say. Jack smiles at you shyly and leans into your neck, clearly pleased. 
You're very, very glad that you ended up being someone he loved. It's a privilege to get to look after him, and to be his step mom. In the same way you're lucky to be Aaron's partner and Jane's mom, too. 
“Think dad's made dinner?” you ask. 
“No, he's probably just talking to your sister.” 
Yes, well. You can't blame him, nor would you want him to stop. He talks to Jane like she understands, and Jane, not even two years old, nearly brand new to the world, soaks him in. You can hear him if you strain, the dulcet cadence of his voice under the steady hum of the dishwasher. 
“That's okay, sweetheart, don't get upset,” he's saying, “it's okay. Come here, I've got you.” 
Jane starts to cry. You and Jack give one another the look, apprehensive in hoping it won't turn into a full blown melt down. 
“Honey?” Aaron calls. “Sorry, where did you put her other pacifier?” 
You kiss Jack's hair. “Sorry, bub. Wanna come with me?” 
Jack wants to stay and watch Cars. You wrap him in a throw blanket and make your way into the Hotchner kitchen, where Aaron rifles through the drawers and cabinets with Jane held snugly to his chest. “I know,” he says, “I know. I'll get it.” 
You nudge him aside. You only know where the spare pacifier is because you put away the wooden spoons last night and pushed it back. You fish for it, a ladybug made of glittery red plastic, and Jane's crying slows as soon as you pull it free. She grizzles while you rinse it, but she settles when you hand it over. 
“This is not the best, is it? The pacifiers?” you murmur. 
“She dropped her other one and it rolled under the oven. And no. Not ideal.” He pats her back gently. “As long as she stops before she gets her big teeth, she'll be okay.” 
“Do you think it's a comfort issue?” you ask. 
“No,” he says. You worry about stuff like this constantly, but he knows kids are more hardy, and he isn't worried. “Sorry for making you get up.” 
He hates when she cries; he may see his kids as a hardy bunch, but he takes their upset as a personal failure half the time. His concern for her overrides his concern for you, but in a few weeks that might change. You can't imagine him calling you to find something again when your stomach is round as a honeydew. 
You've been meaning to tell him about that, too. 
You're not secret-keeping immorally, he does want another baby, but you've been having a little bit of fun. He's gone on cases so often lately that he hasn't been able to keep track of you, or your doctor's appointments.
You watch him with Jane, and you think about him with Jack, and you know he's going to be happy. He's told you as much before. 
“My poor girl,” he says, covering the back of Jane's head with his hand and pulling her under his chin. He looks as fine as ever, tall, dark and handsome to a fault. Jane's lips smack as she sucks and digs her teary cheek into his chest. 
You can feel his gaze on you. “Is now a good time?” he asks. 
You shrug. “For what?” 
“To tell me what you're not telling me.” 
“Oh, busted,” you croon, aiming for his shoulder. 
You do as Jane had and press your cheek to his front, your eye forced shut. 
“What do you think it is?” you ask. 
He makes a strange noise. You can practically hear the possibilities for your secret running through his head. His birthday is vaguely soon, so that's what he'll settle on first. But Aaron likes to disregard the obvious as most people do, only circling back to it when there's no other lead to follow. 
“How big of a secret is it?” he asks, rubbing Jane's back diligently. She makes a happy sound, and for a moment he forgets his plight to kiss the top of her head. 
You speak quietly, carefully, because it is big, huge news. “The pamphlets say it’s about the size of a strawberry.” 
He puts his cheek to Jane's head softly, looking at you in confusion. A second, another, and his eyebrows start to relax, rise, a smile on his lips like it's too good to be true. “You are?” he asks in surprise.
Jack appears in the doorway with the throw blanket trailing behind him. “Y/N, when are you coming back to watch TV?” 
“Jack, lovely, come here. I have something to tell you,” you say. 
Aaron grabs your wrist. When you meet his eyes, he squeezes gently. “You're sure?” he asks. 
“The doctor seemed pretty certain, handsome.” You lower your voice as Jack comes to stand in front of you. “Are you happy?” 
“Happy about what?” 
You put your hand on your stomach cautiously, worried about Aaron and how quiet he's being, and if it's as okay to tell Jack as you'd thought, but that action is what gets him. “I love you,” he says quizzically, as though his being happy is totally dependent on the fact. “Of course I'm happy. This is the best secret you could've kept.” 
“About what?” Jack asks, patting your arm. 
You bend down just a bit to see his face properly. “It's a secret you can't tell anyone for a while, okay? The only people who can know for now are me, you, and dad.” 
“Can I tell Jane?” he asks. 
“Yeah, buddy, you can tell your sister,” Aaron says. 
You peer at him from the corner of your eye, both concerned and pleased to see the wetness ringing his waterline, and the tenderness with which he holds Jane close, his thumb rubbing little circles into her back. 
“I'm going to have another baby,” you say. 
Jack's jaw drops. “Right now?” 
“No, not right now! You still remember last time?” you ask with a laugh, taking his shoulders into your hands. 
“You were crying and shouting for dad to hold your hand.” He pokes your stomach. “So it's like Jane?” 
“Maybe one day, sweetheart. For now, it's just a tiny baby.” 
Jack wants to see your stomach. He's expecting a much bigger bump than you have to offer, but you explain that eventually it'll get bigger again, and he seems quite pleased. Aaron makes sure to give him a hug and ask him if he's okay, to which Jack says, “Yes, but can we have a brother this time?” 
You rub the soft top of your stomach. “I'll see what I can do, Jack.” 
Aaron commandeers your attention, kissing you more times than you can count. You don't think you've ever seen him this happy now the reality has truly set in, asking Jane in his murmur, “Do you want to be a big sister?” 
She gurgles around the pacifier, leaving drool in a line down his chest. 
“I know, honey. I'm excited too. Let's clean you up, mm? And make mommy a cup of hot cocoa…” He narrows his eyes at you. “Would you sit down?” 
“I'm only ten weeks, I'm fine.”
“She's keeping secrets from me, and now she won't do what I'm asking,” he says to Jane. “Can you believe it? Anyone would think mommy doesn't like me as much as she claims.” 
You kiss his cheek. “M'having your baby, Aaron, again.” 
“That is a compelling argument.” He wipes Jane's cheek. “What do you think? Should we forgive her?” Jane laughs. He smiles at you, lovesick. You're not sure who for. “I guess we're letting you get away with this one, sweetheart. But no more secrets.”
“None,” you promise. 
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cloudyzeusy · 1 month
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Hey, I recently wandered across your page and I had to indulge.
I was wondering if you could do a sukuna x Dom!(Obviously) Reader - where sukuna's been a bitch all day just to be alone with reader and gets his guts rearranged? It's okay if not, have a good day :pp <3
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I narrowed my eyes watching Sukuna walk past all confidently like nothing was wrong to our bedroom. "I'm so sorry Gojo for his behaviour he must be getting close to his heat. "I apologized smiling lightly though this was expected behavior from him. But ever since we mated he had been less and less bitchy.
"It's all good I was naive to believe his good attitude would last for long, and don't worry I'll give you guys some time off I expect you guys will be busy for a while." He laughed and I smiled I saw Gojo and Geto at the door and immediately made my way upstairs.
"What was all that attitude about downstairs." I glared at him but he didn't falter.
"I don't know what you mean." He shrugged looking away and I moved closer to where he sat on the bed smelling his scent spike.
"You don't ? what a shame I was just going to let you apologize and we can have some fun by guess not." I teased him watching his face fall. "I guess I'll have to call up Nanami."
" That's not fair ! You've been gone for two weeks and then as soon as you come back you invite stupid Gojo over." And that's when it clicked for me my omega had missed me a lot. I grinned and pulled him so he was sitting on my lap.
"I'm sorry 'Kuna I should have known not to invite Gojo and Geto over this close to your heat. "I apologize kissing him on the lips before moving down to his neck. I lifted his shirt up gripping his waist as he moaned on top of me I pulled away to let us undress.
I threw him on the bed and watch his eyes glaze over as I forced him into heat with my pheromones intertwining ours together. I moved my fingers down to his cunt and began to finger him his slick already coating my fingers as he panted.
I pulled them out and stared at him smiling wolfishly as I licked my fingers clean making him shudder. " Ugh [name] that's so gross."
"Gross? Anything that comes from you tastes amazing." I said. " Come on sit on my face." I offered but he shook his head vigorously.
"I'm too heavy though." He said looking nervous at my suggestion.
"Baby I could literally throw you around your the perfect size." I reassured him and he climbed on top he hovered for a bit over my mouth holding himself up nervous. Before I pulled him down to meet my tongue making him let out a squeal.
I began eating him out like I was starving - messily . Leaving now where untouched as he basically rode me. As he came on my tongue I licked him clean. He laid limp and I pulled him off me.
I pulled out my dick as he was already grabbing me ready for another orgasm. I teased him rubbing my head in his cunt. Before pushing it all in at once making him squeeze against me. "Fuck you feel so good around me." I groaned thrusting in and out getting accustomed to the tightness. No matter how much I fucked him he was he always so tight.
I kept fucking him fast hitting his prostate forcing moans out of him.
"You're squeezing me so tight baby. I can feel your walls rippling around me. You gonna cum on my cock again." I smirked down at him he couldn't even focus due to the pleasure.
"Y-yes please let me cum." He cried out as I slithered a hand to his throat choking him lightly.
"But I haven't heard cum yet." I said and he got the hint that I wasnt letting him cum till I did.
"A-alpha I can't I need to cum." He begged.
"Hm I would have thought I trained you better than that? Has your heat gotten to your head to think you 'need' anything that I'm not giving you." I said cruelly still drilling into him. He whimpered at my words.
"You feel that that's how deep I am." I said moving his hand to touch my bulge in him. I threw my head back as I felt myself get close to orgasming I began slowing down the pace. Slowly fucking him as I came in him pulling out before I could knot him.
"Alpha.. knot?" He whined begging me and I had to physically hold back. We had three more days to go I couldn't be tired by the first.
"We've got alot of time ahead of us don't worry." I smirked pulling Sukuna into another kiss .
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alotofpockets · 3 months
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When your heart stops beating | Part 2 | Leah Williamson x Lioness!Reader
Where you go down on the pitch and go into cardiac arrest
Warnings: previous cardiac arrest, medical talk, short mention of ptsd A/n: thank you to the woso writers fanfic club for your ideas on this one & @dyke-medic for your advice on the medical aspect of the recovery!
Read part 1 here
Woso masterlist | Words: 1.7k
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As a person who is generally very active, always on their feet, and doing one thing or another, bedrest has been hard for you. You knew it was what your body needed to rest, so you listened to the doctor’s advice, still it was a struggle to not just slip out of bed and go on small adventures inside of your home.
Leah had been absolutely amazing. Without a second thought she had called Sarina to tell her that she was pulling out of camp to take care of you. Sarina had completely understood, she had been there on the pitch when it happened, and was just glad to still have you and that Leah was there to take care of you.
Your girlfriend also knew how much of a struggle bedrest for you would be, so she had been distracting you with all kinds of light activity things to pass the time. You had started with movies like on the day that you came back from the hospital, but Leah quickly realised that your brain needed more stimulation than watching a movie, to get through this bedrest. 
So, while you were sleeping, she got her mum to help her get a few things to the house. Within an hour, Amanda had been at the door with a few puzzles, two lego sets you had been wanting, some canvasses and an array of painting supplies. 
“How is she doing?” Amanda asked when Leah handed her a cup of tea and sat down on the couch with her mom. “Other than struggling to stay put, I think she’s doing fine. She hasn’t complained about any pain, though I know she has to be in some. The doctors said her chest can feel sore for up to a month from the CPR.” Amanda didn’t miss the way her daughter’s eyes turned glossy for a second.
“And how are you holding up, sweetheart?” Her mom’s concerned voice got to her. So, when she looked up to her mom, tears welled in her eyes. “I just keep seeing her down on the field and-” She had been trying to stay strong through everything for you, but now that it was just her and her mom, she broke down. Amanda was quick to pull Leah into her. “Oh baby, I know that must have been so scary. It’s okay, let it all out.”
After Leah had shared all her troubles with her mom, and cried all the tears she had been holding back, she heard something behind her. “What are you doing out of bed?” Her eyes widen when she sees you standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Baby, you shouldn’t be walking the stairs all on your own.” She rushed to your side to stabilise you. “Love, I’m allowed to do light activity if I feel good enough, which I do. So, really it’s fine.” 
Amanda saw by her daughter’s body language that everything was moving too fast for her, so she stepped in. “Sweetheart, why don’t you take a shower? I’ll keep y/n company in the meantime.” Leah sighs reluctantly. “Fine,” She turned to you next, “but you, you will sit down while doing light activities.” You knew she was just worried about you and that she meant well. “Alright love, I will. Now go take a shower, I’ll be right here until you come back, I promise.” You sat down at the kitchen table. 
“I know it might seem like she’s being too overprotective, but our girl means well.” You smile when Amanda puts a sandwich down in front of you. “Yeah, I know she means well. I was a mess after seeing her do her ACL, so I can only imagine what it’s like for her, you know?” Amanda nods, “Yeah, maybe you two should stay away from injuries for the rest of your careers.” Her joke makes you chuckle, “Trust me, I am not planning to do anything like this ever again.”
When Leah gets back down she watches from the door frame as you’re laughing with her mom, at the dining table where you had promised to stay put, now with a puzzle in front of you on the table. She knew you were in good hands with her mom, still she worried that something would happen when she wasn’t there and she wouldn’t be able to do anything.
A big part of the afternoon was spent finishing the puzzle with the two Williamson women. For the first time since you left the hospital you had felt normal. Leah also noticed that you were way more relaxed like how she had thought something more interactive would do. 
Leah saw you physically getting stronger again, and it was helping ease her worries little by little. Today was the second full day at home, and you were ready to get some fresh air. It took some convincing for Leah to be okay with you going on a walk, but with her hand tightly wrapped around your hand, you were finally outside again. The fresh air did wonders to your mood, and having Leah with you was always an added bonus.
Though the walk was nice, you were exhausted after. This time it was Leah who had to do some convincing. It didn’t take much though, to get you to lay down and take a nap. She laid with you, and let you fall asleep in her arms.
After a good nap, you felt much better again, and Leah had lined up another activity. While she intended these for your recovery, she found herself enjoying them a lot. It wasn’t often when you had the time to do stuff like this during the football season. With both of you being starters for Arsenal and the Lionesses, your schedules were rather full, and when there was some free space, you were often found hanging out with friends and family. While this time stemmed from a bad situation, you made the best of it and enjoyed the time you got to spend together.
You were putting the finishing touches on your painting while Leah was staring at you lovingly. “Stop, you’re distracting me!” You chuckled. “Hm, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You rolled your eyes in a joking manner, while you got your painting done. Leah had seen a few TikTok videos where couples would paint each other and then revealed them to each other at the end. 
“Please don’t be mad.” You looked over your canvas and to say it kindly, you were not artistically inclined enough to make your girlfriend look as beautiful as she was. “Oh, now I am very intrigued.” You showed off your masterpiece first. Leah tried to hold back her laughter, but failed miserably. “How does that look like me?” She said between tears. “Ehm, a blonde with Gunner earrings, there is no one else it could be.” You both had a laugh before it was Leah’s turn to show off her painting. “Oh my god, what are you complaining about, that doesn’t look any more like me than my painting looks like you!” 
You had also started on building the lego sets together, but you decided to do a couple pages a day to make the activity last a bit longer.
Over the next couple of days, you were able to walk further and further again. You wanted to try running again, but Leah managed to talk you down from that. “Let’s wait for the physios to be there, shall we?” You knew she was right, but you just wanted to get back out there. 
Another activity you had picked up was cooking together. Everyone knew that Leah was no chef and that you were a pretty decent home cook. So, you used the injury card to get to teach Leah some new things.
You were walking around the kitchen again as if nothing happened, and that is exactly how you felt. No more pain and no more energy loss. You were ready to get back to training, and tomorrow was finally that day.
“How are you feeling about tomorrow?” Leah asked as she plopped herself down on the counter. “I'm a little nervous, but I am ready to get back out there.” You get a bit of the pasta sauce you made from scratch on a spoon and feed it to Leah. “Hm, tastes amazing, love.” Stepping forwards, you stand between her legs. “How are you feeling about tomorrow?” She puts her arms around your waste. “It should be about you.” You shake your head, “It might be my comeback, but you and the team were the ones that experienced the scary part. Your feelings are valid too, and I want to know them.” Leah told you she was nervous too, but that she was confident that the physios and the rest of the medical team would take great care of you.
The next day you felt nervous on your way to the training centre, Leah tried her best to comfort you, but nerves were bound to happen. While the doctors said everything should be fine, it was still your heart you were talking about, so every precaution would be taken. 
The moment you walk into the dinning hall, you are hugged by your teammates, who are all happy to see you. All of them had come by on short visits over the past week, but nothing compared to seeing you decked out in your full training kit.
Leah’s eyes did not leave you for even a second, as you were training to the side with the physios. With a cardiac monitor to track everything properly, you were starting training slowly. Building up step by step, and you couldn’t be happier to be working on your comeback.
During a small break, Leah was by your side instantly to ask you how you were feeling. You hugged her and kissed her on her cheek. “I feel great.” Leah smiled at your enthusiasm. “I am so proud of you baby.”
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Lionesses just posted
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Lionesses: Things we love to see! After being diagnosed with commotio cordis following a blunt trauma to the chest last week, Y/n has made her comeback to training. She will be training seperately from the team, so we can monitor her well. A full return doesn't seem far away!
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💗 If you enjoyed this fic, please consider liking, commenting, and reblogging! You can also supporting me by leaving a tip 💗
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nmakii · 7 months
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RANT TO ME, I LIKE THE SOUND…
— charlie + angel + alastor talking about their day, completely absorbed when they look at you, completely smitten
— masc!reader (angel)
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— charlie
“and then, he kicked me out of the room! can you fucking believe him?!” charlie grumbled, ranting about her meeting with adam as you brushed her hair. “i swear… i’ll go to heaven and i’ll make them listen” she sighed determinedly.
“and… after that—“ charlie wandered off again, thoughts interrupted when she no longer felt the bristles against her hair and instead, you face on her shoulder, hugging her waist from behind.
“oh… are you tired? i..i’m sorry if i was talking too much…” she awkwardly laughed. “no, don’t apologize, babe… keep talking, i like the sound.” you sighed as you kissed her on the cheek.
charlie’s heart tightened at what you had said. you like to listen to her ranting… you’ll have no idea how much it means to her; for you to not dismiss her ramblings, but instead listen closely.
“are you sure you’re not tired though?” she asked one last time. “nuh-uh, i’m wide awake, see?” you said before tickling her at the back of her neck, her ticklish spot.
“agh! noo, i believe you!” charlie screamed out, trying to get herself free from your grip around her waist. “stop! i believe you, no more!!” she cried out as you laughed, stopping your antics.
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— angel
“today, val was a complete dickhead, i swear…” angel frowned, hugging fat nuggets in his top two arms and hugging you in his lower two. “today, he had me filming a bunch’a back shots while getting my hair pulled…” he sighed grimly, pulling you closer as your hands moved to his hair, carefully massaging it.
“are you okay?” you asked worriedly. “‘course i am, you’re here” angel grinned sappily. “afta’ that, cherri and i went drinking at that new club. i didn’t have buy any drugs today, i spent all my money on shots…”
“i’m proud of you, babe. you’re getting better.” you smiled, looking at him lovingly. “ya really think so?” he asked hopefully. “i know so. you’re already doing so well.” you ran your thumb against his cheek.
angel’s shoulders relaxed under your touch as he buried himself deeper in your touch. “love ya so much, babe.” angel smiled, eyes growing heavy.
“i love you too, angie. keep talking if you wanna, i like your pretty mouth.” you said, pulling him closer as you kissed his head.
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— alastor
“so, then i headed to the tailor’s… they fixed my coat and when i came out, eugh…” alastor groaned in disgust, telling you about today as he sat by the fireplace in the hotel den. “vox was on various of those picture boxes, singing about how i am ‘outdated’.”
“and, as per expected, his modern technology failed and caused a blackout across the city!” he chuckled to himself. “you don’t think i’m outdated, do you, love?” alastor looked up, seeing you on the sofa as you stare at him, listening to his words intently.
“dear? are you even listening?” he smugly grinned. “of course i am…” you frowned. “i’m just… admiring you, i guess.”
“oh, are you now?” he sighed at your little lovey-dovey habits. “yeah… i like your voice, it’s soothing…” you blushed. “you find my voice comforting?” he asked. “how interesting, perhaps i’ll decide to ramble to you more often.” he grinned, closing his book.
he got up from his seat and over to you as he pulled you close by your shoulder. “now, back to my question— you don’t think i am outdated, do you?” he raised an eyebrow. “of course not…” you said. “hmph, good.” he nodded as he laid your head on him.
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lizpottersworld · 1 month
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. ۫ ꣑ৎ . JUST NOT HOME. even though you and remus aren’t together anymore, your heart aches for him and to feel his love and care again. even your friends are worried, and even they’re acting off. (remus lupin x reader)
play my tears ricochet for the effect if your feeling special and like crying
part two!
it was a shock. the breakup. you didn’t even think separating with remus could be so brutal, well truthly you hadn’t imagined it at all. he was it for you, and you thought he thought the same. honestly, he probably did. yet, the way it ended left your heart broken beyond repair. three years thrown away.
not even your guys closet friends saw it coming, they had always looked up to your guys relationship. the high school sweethearts who loved each other like their was nothing else to savour in the world but the being of each other.
even though you hadn’t heard from remus recently, by your friends worry and anxiety for your being you could tell he was probably doing way better than you. to put it nicely, you looked like hell. all the healthy habits you had built over time thrown away, because he helped you get to that point. and now he was gone, what was the point of carrying on?
he was your home. your belonging. your soulmate. the reason you had carried on all these years. where was the loving and tender boyfriend you had loved those years back? where was he when he called it off with no explanation, leaving you crying in your shared apartment?
there was so many questions you wanted to ask, but nothing could soothe the pain you were feeling.
“y/n/n, please just if you need help just call us, any of us.” marlene pleaded on the phone, doing her daily check in with you. it was unusual hearing marlene so panicked and worried, she was all sunshine and parties really.
“i promise, i’ll be fine.” you sighed, the roughness to your voice not supporting your answer. of course you weren’t, you had cried about it non stop.
“okay well, i have to—“ she started, being cut off by the abrupt sound of pure laughter in the background. your breathing naturally startled, it was his laughter. not just anyones. his.
“marlene, is that—“ your voice croaked involuntarily, you knew all your friends had been hanging out with remus recently you just weren’t aware it was a happy kind of hangout. you always assumed it meant they were individually checking up on him. how was he so happy? it had only been a week?
“yes, i’m sorry y/n/n, we’re all just hanging at james tonight, it was only to make him feel better i didn’t—“ she rushed to explain again, surely the others had picked up on the words and all paused and hushed.
“he seems perfectly fine, marlene! meanwhile I haven’t seen any of you, calls are fine but how does he get the normal invitations to hang out? am i just not apart of the group anymore?” you scoffed, tears streaming down your face in anger and the ache of your heart.
“of course you are, its just— he was our friend first and—“ she pleaded with you, only making it worse for herself. your heart pained at her words, a pathetic whine sounded through the phone from you.
“thats always how its going to be it seems. no matter what I’ve done and do for you guys, because your my best-friends. but you know its all good because you met him a year before me so it makes perfect sense.” you managed to say through the sobs you let out. “i think i’m done with being the second choice in this friendship. you shouldn’t have to choose. i’m done mourning my— the relationship i had with remus just as i’m done with all your bullshit. i hope they all can hear me.” you seethed through your teeth, incredibly hurt, and then you hung up.
that same day you booked a flight, away from london, away from the place you only felt sad in. a week later, you moved out your flat and used the money to go to the uni you always wished you could go to. ‘that was always too far for long distance’
and that year, you started your new life, made new friends and had become close with your roommates. hours away from london, now living in Edinburgh. occasionally, your old friends tried to reach out to you but you ignored them. all until you received a message from him.
lover💓 hey. been a while, no ones heard from you, just wondering if your okay and well. i miss you. we all do.
and just like that. your heart ached again, and you found yourself immediately sending a reply. no matter when, no matter where in the world. you would always have that weak spot for him.
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