#just found out I got this very prestigious grant funded by the French government to do research there in the fall
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#I am officially 24 hours out from my orals exam/finding out whether or not they’re going to kick me out of this PhD program#on the upside#just found out I got this very prestigious grant funded by the French government to do research there in the fall#on the downside#I am fully terrified#like ‘accidentally put body wash in my hair and conditioner on my body. tried to put on my dress with with pj shorts still on this morning’#levels of brain dysfunction#I spent a good portion of my last mock with the prof who is doing half of my comparative empires field#this morning wondering if he was being nice/pleasant to me to lull me into a false sense of security before he fails me#and my Econ thought and theory field advisor literally kicked someone out of the program last year over orals#these 150 books and I are on bad terms right now#talking to people for 2 hours straight is my hell and at this point I’m just praying to scrape by#because otherwise they’ll give me an MA and send me on merry way#and I don’t want a second master’s degree or to be restarting my life and career again at 24#not the stones#me stuff
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