#just had a random thought this morning about acotar

[rebelwith0utacause]

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[xreaderbooks]

Two sides (2)

Pair: ACOTAR Azriel x reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Language, implied smut

Summary: Y/N has been in love with Cassian for centuries now, Just how Azriel has been with Mor. Both heartbroken by their unrequited love they fall into a routine of 'one-night stands', Not realizing their each others mate.

Masterlist - Part 1

A/N: So I dont know how accurate the mate information is, like I said before I haven’t read the ACOTAR series since 2019 so I probably got a couple things wrong or didn’t write the characters the way you would expect them to act. I chose to make them more how they would be in head canons if you get what I mean. Either way I really hope you enjoyed the 2nd and final part to Two sides :) Feel free to send requests for Azriel or any other Acotar characters. Thank you all for the support <3

"We need to talk."

"Okay," Azriel says skeptically, he walks over to sit on the chair across from you.

"I wanted to apologize for the other night," You shifted in your seat as you spoke, you were noticeably uncomfortable. That bothered Azriel, he wanted you to feel natural not forced, he didn't know where that desire came from but it was true. Even if this conversation was a bit awkward. "I never meant to make you feel used, I guess, I just needed a distraction."

"From seeing Cassian and Nesta together?" He asked. You bit your lip and nodded. "Y/N, I didn't feel used." He let out a small chuckle. "I enjoyed it, actually. And a bit flattered that you chose to-" He coughed awkwardly, "share that part of yourself with me." You grinned. You eased up a bit after knowing that Azriel didn't feel bad about what happened the other night, and even enjoyed it. It also warmed your heart at the fact that this was one of the rare moments that he felt comfortable enough to talk about how he was feeling. Despite it probably being out of sympathy or to defuse the tension.

"Oh," You chirped "well good. The last thing I wanted to do was fuck up our friendship."

He shook his head, "Y/N you've done a lot in the past few centuries that could've fucked up this friendship and we're still okay, better than okay considering. Besides Mor and I are still friends even after..." He tensed up, you went over to him and hesitantly put your hand on top of his.

"I know." You gave him a small smile. "I have an idea, I'll admit it's not my brightest but it will benefit the both of us."

His eyebrow quirked, "Your ideas are never the brightest, that's why you're just my second."

"Okay, wow." You blinked, removing your hand, and started pacing around the room. "First Rhys made me your second because I'm good at my job and you're just better cause of your shadows." He glared at you when you made the comment about his shadows. "Two, I've had a couple of good ideas in the past you just never go through with them."

"Maybe it's because all your ideas are reckless and we'd get caught if we did our job by using your so-called good ideas." He got up to meet you when you turned around to face the other way, you were met by his chest in your way.

You huffed when you looked up at him. "Whatever, I'm pretty sure you were going to like this one." He gave a nod to continue. "I- you know what I think it's better if I just show you."

He cocked his head to the side. You took this as an opportunity to grab him by the back of his neck and slammed your lips onto his. Immediately after he put his hands on your waist, pulling you closer. He started walking backward, leading you towards one of the bedrooms. Your foreheads pressed together but you paused from kissing him, catching your breath. You knew he could hear your heartbeat, beating quicker by the second, his heart was beating faster too. It gave you all the encouragement you needed to start taking off your clothes.

"So this was your bright idea," Azriel asked, while also hurriedly taking off his clothes.

"Mhm." Was your response before nodding and relocating your lips onto his.

The intensity of it made your heart stutter. You wanted him and at that moment he wanted you. He truly wanted you, you both felt it and took that feeling, using it to fuel the passion in that kiss. He moved down to your neck, nipping and biting at it. You moved your hand to slowly graze his wings, which made him freeze. Azriel gave you a look that made your body go on overdrive.

He picked you up, you wrapped your legs around his waist as he continued to "eat your neck" as Cassian had said all those days before. You rolled your eyes at the thought, but then they rolled back as Azriel bit at a sensitive area that intensified that already intoxicating feeling you got when you were with him.

And you wished it never ended.

~~~

"How do you feel about this?" You asked, hoping he'd be okay with it. So far he hadn't opposed.

"I don't want to hurt you." He confessed. You knew he meant physically, he could be a little rough sometimes. You were okay with that though, You rolled your eyes at his comment.

"I'm serious Y/N." He looked you in the eye. You were back at the training grounds of the Illyrian camp. You didn't specify any details, so you both didn't care about speaking in public.

"I'm a big girl, I think I can handle it." You began to walk ahead of him, He grabbed your forearm and pulled you back to face him, a hint of a smile on your face. "Only if you're sure."

Your smile faded once you saw that he was genuinely concerned. "Az, you wouldn't hurt me. I trust you."

He froze and let you go. He had a hard time letting people see how he was feeling but you could tell he was struggling with letting you in and his self-deprecation.

~~~

You had kept your secret "relationship" hidden from everyone else, as much as you could. It didn't take long. They were extremely nosy and it was difficult with Mor being your best friend. She always knew when you were lying and had insisted you were acting differently. You would always blow it off and say you had a good day, telling a random story you just thought of on the spot.

Cassian had continued to tease you about your secret lover-- which only intrigued Mor even further-- you avoided the truth most of the time. You and Azriel would be extra careful when doing what you did. Sometimes even going to Inns and you would both winnow to the location.

Going through all that trouble only for Amren to find out and threaten to tell the others. She tried to blackmail you into buying her a pure diamond bracelet. As if she couldn't afford it yourself. You talked to Azriel about it and you both decided you didn't care if anyone else knew, it's only a matter of time before they found out anyway. Plus you could use the money to buy a house somewhere private in Velaris. You enjoyed the privacy and lack of teasing for as long as it lasted.

Amren didn't tell but as you predicted, everyone did find out. Some already had suspicions like Mor, Rhys, and Feyre. Amren wouldn't have known if she hadn't caught you both and Cassian never would have thought. You'd be lying if you said you weren't disappointed at him not showing any sign of jealousy. You knew he wouldn't be, being caught up with Nesta and all but you still held hope. You considered yourself a fool and would try to fuck the feelings out of you with Azriel. And most of the time it worked.

~~~

Months went by as sleeping with your best friend became your new normal. You never would have thought that you'd be one of those mysterious girls that Azriel hooked up with, ever since that night, you were the only girl. You had to admit, you liked the idea; being Azriel's only girl. But you knew that although you would be the only girl in his bed, Mor will always be on his mind. Not that you blamed him, you were still somewhat hung up on Cassian. After you can't get rid of 500+ years of feelings.

As you laid next to Azriel, who now stayed nights instead of leaving right after, You admired his tattoos, the intricate designs, you fought the urge to trace them. You did anyways but only a centimeter away from his chest so you wouldn't wake him. In the morning light that slipped through a slight gap in your curtains, It shone right on him. He looked ethereal.

You always knew he was attractive most Illyrian men were, at least if they weren't assholes most of the time. You had time now, to actually take in his beauty. You could never understand how someone so beautiful and kind could be so broken. You guessed that's why you chose him to spend your nights with, instead of some random guy. You could help him and heal him and get him to appreciate himself more.

The shadows around him became more active, it made him tense up. He was awake. You lifted your hand up to up to move the stray hair that fell onto his face. At that moment, you felt your world shift an overwhelming sensation of love and adoration consumed your body and you snatched your hand away from him. You were in pure shock.

'Holy fuck' Was the only thing going through your head.

"What's wrong?"He questioned as if he could sense your distress. His voice hoarse from just waking up.

"Nothing." You said, immediately getting up and getting dressed in whatever you had closest to you. "You should, um, You should get going. I have a lot of reports to do, I've been holding them off but Rhys has been asking me for them for the longest so I should get on it."

Azriel sat up, the bed sheet covering one leg and another part. His perfectly sculpted body in your bed, the lighting, half of his leg uncovered by the blanket. You tried to compose yourself to figure out what you would do. Hoping that he didn't pick up on how different you were acting. It was no use he probably already expected something was up.

To try to ease the tension you sat next to him, brushing the hair out of his face, dragging your fingertips down to the side of his face, and kissed his cheek. You ignored the tingles you felt as his face nuzzled into your hand. Hesitantly, you remove your hand and got up from the bed, and sat at the desk you had in your room. You pretended to read through old letters from officials.

Azriel took that as his cue to leave. He got dressed and pressed a kiss to the back of your head before he left.

He definitely knew something, that's not how your mornings usually go. You would at least spend an hour or two together either talking or enjoying each other's presence before sending each other off to your respective duties. However due to your new discovery of Azriel being your mate. You panicked. What would you do now?

~~~

Hours had passed and you hadn't left your room, choosing to focus on the reports that you did in fact, have to do. Rhys just wasn't expecting them for another week or so. Mor then busted into your room. "Knock, knock bitch."

"Uh, hello gorgeous, didn't expect a lovely visit from you today." You said sarcastically, turning your chair to face her. She dropped the shopping bags onto your floor. You lifted a brow in question.

"We're going on a trip!"

"I'm busy." You turned back around to focus on what you were writing.

"It's a fun work one." You twisted your chair around again.

"How do you mean?"

"Day court gala, bonding with people, gaining trust, and all that." She waved it off as if you didn't need to know actual information. You decided you'd ask for details from Rhysand later.

"And you went shopping." You gestured to all of the bags. "like you don't have tons of outfits you could take."

"Well of course I do. These are for you." She grinned.

"W-what?"

"Just because you're supposed to be invisible and all that, doesn't mean you have to be like that all the time." She referred to your job description, being another spy for Rhysand, relying on you being a woman to get information from people Azriel couldn't. Kind of ridiculous considering Azriel's shadows allowed him to get all the information needed but it was an easy enough job. Unlike Az, you didn't have shadows to command so you stuck to your black outfits tunics, and suits that would help you move easily. You never really dressed up, unless it was for an occasion, but you enjoyed doing it when you could. Most of the time you would be on duty or something like it so you couldn't.

This Gala gave you the perfect excuse too. You were thankful to Mor for having bought you these dresses and accessories. You were pretty sure you had worn all the dresses you had in your closet already.

"Yeah, you're right." You gave her a half-smile. Part of you wondered what Azriel's reaction would be to you in one of these revealing dresses. You shook the thought from your head. You would dress for yourself not for some male, even if that male is your mate.

You debated whether to tell Mor or not. She might be able to help you with your internal battle. Part of you was hurt about Cassian not being your mate. Another part always knew that he wasn't, and another part of you wondered how Azriel would react. Did he feel the bond snap into place? Or was it a Feyre-Rhysand situation where the bond would snap into place at another moment? Would he reject you cause you weren't Mor?

You opted to tell Mor at the day court where you would have more space and privacy from the others.

~~~

Helion's words about uniting and bonding were very heartwarming and kind, but you couldn't get past the thoughts that swarmed your mind. You took advantage of this time with everyone listening to Helions welcoming speech and sneakily made your way over to where Mor was standing. You pretended to greet her with a kiss and whispered in her ear to meet you in the room you were staying at.

"Thank the cauldron you came along, Helion was droning on and was about to make me fall asleep." She joked as she sauntered into your room. She paused her amused tone as soon as she saw your face. "You were fine like two minutes ago."

"Glad to know, I'm good at hiding it." You forced a smile. She tilted her head as if to ask you 'what's wrong', so you told her. You told her that Azriel was your mate and how it happened. You told her of your fears of rejection and confusion with your love for Cassian. It was a different love now, you felt it. There was a shift in what you felt towards Cassian and more intense feelings for Azriel. You suspected the bond but you didn't mind it. You then opened up about your insecurity about him rejecting you for her. Which she shut down, though she knew what you meant.

"Mor, Azriel loves you, like I loved Cassian. What if his love for you is stronger and he refuses to let go. We all know the only reason he never went for you is his trouble with his self-worth." Those were harsh words, but they were true. "He could easily reject me for you, knowing you don't love him in that way."

"You don't know that Y/N. And you loved Cassian, probably as much as Azriel loved me. After all this time you spent together, you truly don't think he would have changed the way he feels for me?" She grabbed your hand in hers. "You and Azriel are like two sides of the same coin, he's all dark and brooding and you, well you're the same in some ways. But you bring out the light and you can cast out all of his darkness with a simple smile."

"I don't know." You whispered. You were scared. Your feelings for Azriel already began to grow, without the bond, with it in place now it was strengthened. Your feelings for Cassian was a background noise that would soon grow into a more familial type of love.

"What should I do Mor?" You whimpered, you put your face in your hands. "I feel like a girl with a crush. This is ridiculous."

She laughed and nodded. "Yes, yes it is. On the bright side, if he doesn't know about you being mates, you could still have fun with other people."

You gave her a look. "You forget that he's my designated person to 'have fun' with."

"I didn't know you had a conversation on exclusivity." She shrugged and walked over to the cart that had alcoholic drinks, at the corner of the room.

"Technically we did when we agreed to sleep with each other when we felt like it." You reasoned.

"Hm." She mused, sipping on her drink. "I still say enjoy tonight, dance with a few males, or females, and if you two end up having sex with him again just enjoy the time you have with him."

"Thanks for the talk, Mor."

"Of course darling, by the way, I highly doubt he'll reject you. If he does he's an idiot and I'll kill him." She sent a wink your way and left you in your room to think.

~~~

Azriel watched as you swayed your hips to the beat of the music. A man who he didn't know came up from behind you, keeping up with you. That was the first of many. He felt a twinge of jealousy in his gut. He attempted to force that emotion down. He couldn't understand where that was coming from.

He was keeping watch, even though he always made sure to keep a lookout for danger to his court. Mor and Cassian tried to get him to ease up, he didn't budge. Who would pry Cassian from more liquor when he's had enough to drink if Azriel wasn't sober? He used the excuse of being the only responsible one to keep an eye on her. Y/n, Azriel thought he knew what it was to love someone because of Mor but what Azriel felt for Y/N was different. It felt raw and real and whatever it was, was growing fast. She was easy to talk to, not that he did much of that but she listened, actually listened when he did, and she didn't pry or hover as much as the others. They tend to beat around the bush when wanting to know about what was going on with him. Unlike Y/N who would take her time to make sure he felt comfortable and if, he wasn't, she would change the topic and act normal.

Y/N was a calming presence that allowed him to just be. She brought out another side of him that he thought he could never be.

That's why when he felt a change in the way he saw her dancing with a new guy than the one she was with earlier, it all made sense. She was his mate. He saw red as he practically flew to where they were. The fae males' hands that were roaming your bonds were ripped away from you and he dragged him away. Azriel pinned the man against the wall. People began to stare and talk in hushed whispers, appalled at the sight.

"Never touch my mate, again." He growled. He dug his fingers into the guy's neck.

"I-I didn't know." The man choked out.

"Well, now you do." He muttered, letting the man slump to the ground. He went over to where you were standing, eyes wide. His eyes softened while looking at you. He slowed as he got to you. "Can we talk?"

You nodded your head and began to walk toward an empty hall.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." He kept his voice low but soft. He was afraid, you would want to run away.

"You didn't." You stood there staring at him. You tried to figure him out, to no avail. His face was always stoic. "I- I thought you'd reject me and now I don't know what to do." You confessed.

"You knew?" He tried to recall if you had acted any differently. His shadows had felt the change in your demeanor and set out in whispers when you were rushing him out. He brushed it off, he should've looked more into it. The last thing he wanted to do was to make you feel unwanted or rejected.

"Since yesterday morning." You confirmed. Your anxiety consumed you, you heard of the pain that came along with being rejected by your mate. Some have died from it. Little did you know Azriel was worrying about the same exact thing. Not thinking himself worthy enough of your affection. He allowed himself the pleasure of being in bed with you, assuming it was nothing more and he couldn't get hurt you or be hurt that way. It was a release from another pain you both had the displeasure of feeling.

"I want you to know it is an honor to have you as my mate." He took a step closer.

"Really? Honestly, I thought..." You shook your head. "Nevermind."

He looked confused but let it go, if you wanted to tell him you would. "Guess this means I have to go cook you something." You let out a laugh. He smiled an actual wide beautiful smile. Azriel grabbed your face and kissed you.

It was soon interrupted by a very drunk Mor who shouted, "Finally!"

Cassian was right behind her, "Mor! I forgot where the bathroom was, can y-" He paused looking between you and Azriel. "Oooh getting freaky in the hall, that's new. Hey Y/N if he isn't hitting it right, you know where to find me." He winked at you. Azriel gave him a murderous look, putting his arm in front of you. 'So he's gonna be one of those', you thought.

You couldn't wait till the second part of the mating process.

Tags: @wildchild2707​ ,@theworthlessqueen​ ,@ciciakai​ ,@rockinginneverland​

[sayosdreams]

Can you do 29 fluff, 25 angst, 24 general for that prompt thing and make it Nessian.

Too

Word Count: 2355

ACOTAR Masterlist

__________

TW: depression, suicidal thoughts, negative body image, negative self talk, eating disorders, body dismorphia, bad parenting, misogyny

__________

Prompts:

“Because I love you”

“You’re not you”

“I haven’t seen her/him/them smile in months”

__________

A/N: Thank you so much for this ask! I had so much fun writing this (I wrote it all in one evening in a rare burst of inspiration). Aside from the prompts, I was also inspired by a few other things, which I incorporated into my story.

Ch 18 of Renegade Nights by @unhealthyklarolineobsession ((referenced in the last line of the first scene))

The Selection series by Kiera Cass ((referenced in the last line of the first non-dialogue paragraph in the 3st scene))

pov by Ariana Grande ((just overall inspired, but also referenced in Cassian’s dialogue near the end of the 3rd scene))

I know the list of triggers is long but I just wanted to be on the safe side. I swear this fic isn’t that bad. Just kinda angsty. I hope you guys enjoy!

Silver flames had once danced in her eyes.

Now, they had turned to dull metal, surrounding the blue waters of her eyes.

Perhaps they reflected the Cauldron — that beast that had consumed her whole and killed her, but had not even granted her the mercy of death. No, it had turned her into a beast herself and had spat her out, forcing her to live an eternity in someone else’s body. Yes, her eyes were the Cauldron — that would be exactly the kind of cruel joke that it would enjoy.

Her existence was a joke.

She felt too much and then nothing at all. She burned too brightly, too fiercely and then was too tired to even get out of bed. They criticized her for being too much, for not being enough, for speaking, for remaining silent, for being too carefree, for being too uptight.

Fuck all of them.

She was free now. She had descended low enough that none of them cared about her anymore. She had pushed and pushed and pushed them all away.

Good.

Too bad she had to destroy herself to do so. Too bad she was stuck with herself. Too bad she could never escape.

She liked to spend her nights drunk and with a random male, hoping she could feel something. Although liked was a strong word. No, it was more that in the cover of the dark, her desire to fill her empty shell with some emotion became too overwhelming. By morning, she’d regret it, of course. It gave her a strange sort of pleasure to use herself like this. To hurt herself over and over with those nameless, meaningless males. Perhaps it was that she could destroy this body, which was not hers. She knew that they all thought it was better — that she should appreciate her newfound immortality, longer limbs, sharper cheekbones, and heightened senses.

She knew the truth. This was not, and would never be, her body.

She had never appreciated her body while she had it. She hated that she was born a woman and would have to fight to be allowed to travel the world. She hated that she was to be married off to the highest bidder. She hated that her hands were useless and that she couldn’t help sustain her family.

Now, she couldn’t look into a mirror without getting nauseous. Everything in her screamed that it was wrong. Even though she covered her pointed ears with her hair, she couldn’t ignore her too-long limbs. She numbed her senses as best she could but it still continued — the pounding beat of hearts, the pungent scents, the intuitive knowledge that gathered in her gut.

One night, before he too had completely given up on her, Cassian had stopped by. He told her he wanted to talk, but noticed how drunk she was. She had only stared back at him silently, unable to think of any words she wished to say to him. She could still remember the disgusted expression on his face as he turned away, gritted his teeth and mumbled, “You’re not you”.

How ironic. She hadn’t been herself since the war, since she’d become fae, and perhaps even before that, when her mother had explained how unladylike it was for her to yell or run or even stay up late reading. She had trapped her true self by building so many walls, she no longer knew how to get out. Hell, she no longer knew who her ‘true self’ was anyway.

If she had lost her personality and her body, what was left?

Her mind? Her heart?

She snorted to herself. She was heartless, as so many people had screamed at her — her sister, her fiancé, her… Cassian. As for her mind, well. Most days it just bothered her with intrusive thoughts. She was better off without it.

The world was better off without Nesta Archeron.

It was a truth she arrived at irrevocably. Whatever bits of herself remained only served to drag her sisters down.

It would have been better if she had just died in that Cauldron and never crawled out.

__________

Cassian tried not to fidget as Mor laughed at something Rhys said. Everything should have been perfect — it was another one of those dinner parties with only those whom Cassian cared about. There were no diplomatic relations to consider, only good times to be had as he ate with Az, Mor, Rhys, Feyre, Amren and Elain. After all the time he had spent during Amarantha’s reign, longing for Rhys’ return, Cassian really should have been more appreciative of the simple fact that they were all here.

Except they weren’t all here.

It seemed that everyone else didn’t even notice or care that Nesta was absent. To be fair, Nesta was almost always absent from these dinner parties, even if she was invited. Nesta’s presence caused arguments and tension but still, Cassian couldn’t help but feel that she should be here.

As if reading his thoughts, Elain, who was seated directly across the table from him, asked quietly, “Have you seen her recently?”

Cassian took a sip from his cup. “Not too recently, no. Last time I went… well. I don’t think she wanted me to be there.”

He glanced sideways and checked that Rhys, Mor, Feyre and Amren were still animatedly conversing. He felt a strange relief that they were not paying any attention to his conversation with Elain. There was no real reason to feel guilty for speaking to Elain about Nesta, but he knew that a part of him didn’t want Rhys and Mor and Feyre to join the conversation. He didn’t want to have to listen to them complain about her. He didn’t want to have to defend her after she had hurt him, again, but he also didn’t want to listen to them as they pretended as if they had attempted to help her when he knew for a fact that none of them even tried to understand how she was doing.

“Is she okay?” Elain continued in her hushed tone.

Cassian shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. She’s… no. But I don’t think it helps when I try to visit her. Last time…” He sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her that quiet. It felt wrong. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable like that again.”

She blinked at him. “Maybe she misses you.”

He gave her a sad smile. “I doubt that.”

Elain shot a glance at the Inner Circle. “You know, when we were very young, Mother always scolded Nesta because she was too loud.” Elain’s eyes were wistful. “Nesta loved to talk for hours and hours about the books she was reading. Mother said it wasn’t ladylike and that Nesta needed to stay grounded in reality, but Nesta would still tell me all the stories. And she used to laugh so loudly, she’d make everyone else in the room laugh too. Mother obviously hated that, but Father loved it.”

Elain looked down at her plate. “I miss her laugh.”

Cassian didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to think about when Nesta’s spirit had been crushed. Perhaps that wild child still remained but was hidden away. Too bad he had never gotten to meet her.

“Have you ever heard it?” Elain asked suddenly, after a few moments of silence. “Her laugh?”

Cassian shook his head, his shoulders slumping. “No, I haven’t even seen her smile in months.”

Elain peered at him for a few moments, evaluating him quietly. “I don’t think… no,” she mumbled, nodding to herself.

“You’ve never seen her real smile,” Elain declared, her voice uncharacteristically resolute. “You’d know if you had. Her smile is like the sun. It lights up not only her face, but her whole world.”

Cassian didn’t need to ask what Elain meant by ‘her whole world’. Nesta wasn’t generous with her affection. She didn’t smile at the people she passed on the street or try to make strangers comfortable. But for those she did care about, she would move mountains and part oceans.

He liked to think that he could be on that short list.

Perhaps then, he’d be able to have the honor of seeing her really smile someday.

__________

“Why are you here?”

“Because I love you.” The words slipped from his mouth before he could stop them. He attempted an over-exaggerated grin to act as though it was a joke, but he dropped it quickly. It was the truth and there was no one here to judge besides her. She may shatter his heart, but it was only ever hers to shatter anyway.

Nesta raised an eyebrow. “I’m unloveable, remember?”

Her voice was bitter and hoarse. Cassian would never know that they were the first words she’d said in days.

Emotions crossed his face in rapid succession — confusion, shock, guilt, anger, regret, sadness, hesitance.

“I’m sorry about what I said,” Cassian’s voice was heavy. “I was wrong.”

“No, that’s the thing.” Nesta’s laugh was harsh and brittle. “You were right. I don’t understand how my sisters can love me either.”

Her eyes slide behind the doorway of her house where Cassian stood and rested on the darkness of the night. “It’s a force of habit, I suppose,” Nesta mused, “due to the blood and the bed we once shared.”

Her eyes moved back to Cassian’s figure. “They’ll outgrow it soon enough, I’m sure.”

“No, they won’t,” Cassian interjected. “They- You can’t outgrow love. And I was wrong. I do understand how they love you because I love you.”

It was better to get it all out in the open, Cassian told himself as he declared his affection for the second time.

Nesta scoffed. “Attraction isn’t love.”

Cassian opened his mouth to answer but Nesta continued, “and neither is some fated connection or bond.”

His eyes widened but his mouth snapped shut.

“The Cauldron,” she growled out the word Cauldron as if it were a swear word, “doesn’t decide love.”

“The bond isn’t why I love you.” It felt surreal to be acknowledging both the bond and the feelings between them. “And as beautiful as you are,” Cassian’s eyes swept up and down her figure once for good measure, “that isn’t why I love you either.”

“What, are you going to pretend like you love my personality?” Nesta said, an ironic laugh at the back of her throat. “There’s certainly nothing to love there. No one likes my personality, not even me.”

“Nesta, I love your strength-”

“My strength? I have no strength, Cassian. Look at me.”

He looked at her. Beyond her beauty, her cheeks were too sunken and pale. Her muscles were too thin for a High Fae. Her bones were jutting out in places and dark circles lined her eyes.

“I’m broken, Cassian.” Her voice was factual. There was no sadness in her tone.

“No, Nesta, you’re not… Nesta, I know you’re going through a lot right now but you’re still the fierce, strong, passionate, secretly caring Nesta I know and love. You’re the Nesta who reads smut and tries to keep a straight face when I ask you what you’re reading. You’re the Nesta who took care of Elain in the House of Wind. You’re the Nesta who stood up to the High Lords for a cause you believed in. You’re the Nesta that was with me on the battlefield.” His voice dropped to a whisper at the end.

Nesta’s eyes flickered with emotion but her voice was robotic as she replied, “No, I’m not. That Nesta died a long time ago. I’m the Nesta who drinks and fucks and cusses. I don’t talk to my sisters or fight for anything or care for anyone. I wake up each morning and lay in bed, wondering why the world decided to torture me by giving me another day of this painful existence.”

Her voice dropped to a whisper as well. “I don’t want to read or talk or eat or even move. I’m just so tired.”

Cassian felt as though someone was squeezing his heart. Why hadn’t he come sooner? “Okay. Maybe right now, you’re just a tired Fae. But you know what Nesta? I love you anyway.”

“But why?” Her voice was demanding yet also sounded genuinely confused. Cassian often forgot how young the Archeron sisters were, but in moments like these, he remembered.

“Love doesn’t need a reason,” he said, “but if you need to know, I love you for all of it. Your pretty and your ugly, your ups and your downs, it’s all part of you and I love you. I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but I’ve been lost and so tired before. You said that you aren’t strong, but even the fact that you’re still here proves how strong you are.”

A tear ran down her cheek and she seemed to crumple into herself.

Cassian stretched out his arms, offering to support her weight but not wanting to overstep her boundaries. She leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m so tired.”

“I know sweetheart.”

“And it hurts. It hurts so bad,” Nesta sobbed. “Why is it so loud? I can’t- I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

He had no idea what she was talking about, but he rubbed her back gently, trying to soothe her.

“Why is it so bright? Why does everything smell so much? Even the people! It’s so much. Too much,” Nesta cried, one of her hands moving to clutch the side of her head.

Cassian swore at himself. He’d never even considered how it would feel to suddenly gain fae senses after living as a human. No wonder she was so overwhelmed.

He just closed his eyes and held her slightly tighter.

She cried.

“I don’t know what to do or how to live like this,” she whispered after some time had passed— perhaps seconds, perhaps hours. “I’m so tired, Cassian.”

Her eyes were shut, too.

“I know,” he murmured. Her arms moved to embrace him back. “I’m here, Nes.”

__________

Permanent taglist:

@grandma-noob-lord

@thewayshedreamed

@courtofjurdan

@maastrash

@awesomelena555

@theoverlyenthusiasticwriter

@cass-nes

@iammissstark

@perseusannabeth

@bookstantrash

@stardelia

@b00kworm

@ghostlyrose2

@sjmships

@a-omgnaomithings-love

@sjm-things

@ireallyshouldsleeprn

@claralady

@illyrianshadowhunter

@my-fan-side

@dreamingofalba

@that-golden-lyre

@thatsowlmazing

@superspiritfestival

@dancing--devils

Nessian Taglist:

@makainight

@nahthanks

[snelbz]

Lovely, Chapter 1 {ACOTAR}

A new joint project we’ve been teasing you with for months! @tacmc and I will be writing this mullti-chapter together. The posting will be similar to our last joint fic, Tending to the Fire. Just like TTTF, we will be alternating when posting chapters and there will be links on both of our Master Lists, so you’ll be able to read the whole thing, no matter who’s page you visit! The main difference from TTTF is the writing style.

Rather than trade off on writing chapters, every chapter will be written together. Whether that’s different POV’s, brainstorming via FaceTime, or literally picking up in the middle of the sentence the other was just working on, this entire story will be written as a team. We’ve talked about doing this for years and I’m so glad we’re finally getting the opportunity to make one of our dreams come true!

Now please, enjoy the first chapter of Lovely!

The sun was slowly creeping along the floor when Azriel’s alarm went off. As he rolled over to stop the incessant chirping, a small form stretched out from under the blankets and emitted a quiet noise of contentment. He lifted the sheet to see his small, black cat snuggling back up against his side. He gave the cat a light scratch on the back of her head and she opened her golden eyes a crack to look up at him before rolling over and snuggling back under the covers. Azriel laughed before throwing the covers off of the bed and standing up.

As he made his way down the stairs, he heard Nyx’s small paws hit the floor as she jumped from the bed and followed him, her bell jingling the entire way. The bell was an absolute necessity, seeing as the cat seemed to be made of shadow, appearing only when she wanted to. Reaching the kitchen, he scooped some food out of the bag and refilled her near empty bowl. She immediately set to devouring the food, the only noises her tiny bites and her bell clinking against the glass bowl.

As he poured himself a cup of coffee, he turned on the tv and mindlessly flipped through the channels, settling on a news station that was currently showing the traffic in Velaris.

One of the perks of owning your own business? You got to make your own hours. One of the perks of owning a tattoo parlor? Those hours were usually later in the day than most people. He never had to deal with traffic, especially since he only lived a mile and a half from his shop, but since he had some things that had to be done this morning, he’d be running around town and didn’t want to get stuck behind the accident that was currently causing a backup on I-24.

He decided to forego breakfast for a shower and headed back upstairs, still hearing Nyx’s bell ringing dully as it tapped the glass bowl. When he walked out of the steam filled bathroom and headed to his closet, he found her fast asleep in the same spot she’d been in earlier. His lips quirked up in a half smile as he dressed in his normal attire of all black, but rather than the hoodie and jeans he usually wore, he put on his black suit, with a black button down beneath. He gave Nyx a quick scratch behind the ears, much to her delight, and made his way back downstairs, stopping only to grab his keys and was out the door.

Sliding into the driver seat, he popped open the mirror and ran a tattooed hand through his messy hair one more time. He couldn’t shake the feeling that today was going to be different, that something monumental was going to take place. He didn’t know what it was, but he was going to be prepared for anything.

“Mr. Draeven, my client isn’t going to give up any of her days with your son, but is willing to give you an additional visit, supervised, of course, once every other week.”

It took everything in Azriel not to slam his fist onto the mahogany table before him. He lifted his eyes to the prick in the suit before him. It was designer, high end. The lawyer was clearly paid for by her father. Even with the ridiculous amounts of child support he paid each month, she wouldn’t be able to afford this man’s hourly rate on her own. Before he could say anything, his own lawyer spoke up.

“Azriel has done nothing but lost visits with Asher since Ms. Hamadi started this pointless custody battle,” Helion said, standing and walking around to the other side of the table, looking out the window at the Valeris skyline. He turned his back on the Armani clad man and Azriel watched as his face turned a bright shade of red. He had to stifle a laugh.

Azriel was absolutely lost in the midst of this custody battle, something that should never be happening if his son’s mother wasn’t hellbent on keeping Azriel from Asher. Helion had gone to high school and college with Rhysand and had become a friend of his own. If it wasn’t for him, for him being willing to take his case on pro bono, Azriel would lose any chance he’d have at time with his son.

When the papers has been served and Azriel didn’t know what to do, he called Helion and his friend immediately dropped what he was doing and was at Azriel’s home within minutes, looking over the papers with him.

She was trying to take Asher away from completely, no visits, no contact, on the grounds that he was unfit. Nevermind the fact that Azriel was a business owner, made charitable donations to the city, and actually had a job, unlike- unlike her.

Helion encouraged him to counter her, to claim that she was an unfit guardian. He knew she still went out and partied, spent most of her time at the bar, club or anywhere she could get fucked up. If she hadn’t still been living with her parents, parents he was sure were really the ones taking care of his son, she wouldn’t have a leg to stand on.

Rhys told him what he already knew, that she was still out drinking and leaving with different men every night. He didn’t like using his best friend as a spy of sorts, but since he was a bartender at her usual spot to pick up her latest prey, he did what he had to to build a case against her.

That was how all of this had started, how he even had Asher in the first place. He’d been drinking at Rhys’ bar, enjoying a long weekend with his family. Her teal eyes captivated him from across the bar. He was drunk enough that he silently slipped away from his group of friends, new shots being poured in front of him, and made his way over to her. He learned her name and asked her to dance. He’d spotted them watching him as she ground against him, Mor’s eyes burning into his own, but he was too far gone to care. She’d asked him to come home with her after that and he agreed, deciding this was a one time thing.

He didn’t meet random girls at the bar. He didn’t let them touch him like he was letting her do. He didn’t go home with them. But he made an exception that night.

And it was only once. They were only together once, but they awkwardly exchanged numbers the next day as he fumbled to get his clothes on and get out the door. Both claiming they would call, both knowing they never would. Azriel thought he’d never see that mess of blonde hair again. But he was wrong.

She came into Rhys’ bar all the time, somehow not realizing that the bartender was his best friend. She even hit on him quite a bit, an invitation Rhys politely but firmly turned down. Azriel always made eye contact with her but never acknowledged her, and she never seemed to even act like she recognized him. He knew it was better that way. No strings. It was done and over.

Until she stopped showing up at the bar for a few weeks and then one day his phone rang.

She was pregnant. She was pregnant and she was sure it was his.

He’d been at Rhysand’s when she called, had stepped out to the back porch to take the call. He’d vomited his lunch up onto the concrete slabs. His family - because that’s what they were, closer than friends - rushed out and watched him, his skin white as death, as he finished the conversation and ended the call, slipping it into his pocket.

“She’s pregnant,” was all that he said, and none of them had to ask who he meant. They had all seen them together that night.

So began an extremely frustrating 7 months for Azriel. He wanted to be a part of his child’s life, but she did everything in her power to keep him out. He’d call her almost daily, to find out when her next doctor’s appointment was. She’d lie, tell him a bogus date and time, and he’d show up at the OBGYN, only to find out her appointment had been the day before. She’d just claim she’d gotten the dates mixed up. He constantly asked what she needed for the baby and she’d say her parents had it covered. When he asked about the gender, she went ghost. He couldn’t get ahold of her for weeks and he nearly went out of his mind. She even kept him from the birth of his son, only finding out when a mutual friend shared a picture on Facebook.

He never tried to have a relationship with her. He didn’t want one and it was clear that she didn’t either. But just because he didn’t want a relationship with her didn’t mean she could keep him from having one with his son, his own flesh and blood.

After his meeting with the lawyers, which she just happened to never be able to make, he headed off to his parlor. He pulled off the interstate and started through town, passing Rhys’ bar and his apartment. The open sign was on and he debated stopping in, not for a drink but just to see his friend, to tell him about the latest mess she’d caused for him. He kept driving though and when he was less than a mile from his shop, he saw a red convertible pulled over on the side of the road. The hood was up and smoke was pouring out of it. The girl leaning against the trunk with her head in her hands looked so downtrodden that he felt it in his soul. He’d had a shitty day, too. Maybe he could help someone else’s be a little better.

He pulled his truck over to the side of the road behind her. She immediately lifted her head and looked up at him. This wasn’t a girl. This was a young woman. And she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on.

His hand froze on the door handle and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from hers. They were mesmerizing. Her hand fluttered to her chest and that small movement spurred him into motion. He hopped out and asked her, “Are you okay?”

His words seemed to snap her out of a trance of her own. She blinked once, twice and glanced back towards her car. “I- Yes, I’m okay. I was on my way back to work and my car just...stopped. It died.” She ran a hand through her brown hair, the sun bringing out the strands of gold. “I have to get back.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and Azriel’s eyes snapped to her lips.

“I can give you a ride, if you want,” he said, throwing a thumb over his shoulder, towards his truck. He saw the hesitation on her face and gave her what he hoped was a soft smile. “Or I can take a look at it, if that would make you more comfortable.”

“Would you?” She asked, excitement ringing through her light voice.

“Of course,” Azriel said, removing his suit jack and tossing it in the passenger seat. He rolled his sleeves up, revealing the black ink that covered almost all of his body. He saw her eyes snag on whirls and swirls and made his way to the front of her car.

“I’m Elain, by the way,” she said, holding out her hand. He took it, shaking it once. “Better to do the introductions before you get all dirty.”

He laughed and nodded. “Agreed. I’m Azriel.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Azriel. Thank you so much for helping me.”

He blushed slightly. “It’s no problem. I couldn’t very well drive by without seeing if you were okay.”

She rolled her eyes and a small snort left her mouth. “It didn’t stop the rest of Velaris from doing so. I’ve been stuck here for almost 30 minutes”

He couldn’t explain why that made him angry, so instead of responding, he began exploring her car’s engine. He wordlessly moved hoses and opened caps carefully, letting the steam out as slowly as he could. He saw the gaping slash on the hose and stepped back, leaning a hip on the fender. “Well, do you want the good news or bad news?”

Her face paled. “Bad. Always start with the bad.”

He nodded. “Your radiator hose is busted. Not a hard thing to fix, but you definitely won’t be driving this back to work. The good news is it’s a really cheap fix.”

She groaned, face up-tilted towards the sky. “Of course.” She glanced back down at him, watching as he carefully lowered the hood. “Is that offer for a ride still available?”

He smiled at her and opened the passenger door. Elain glanced at the height into the cab and Azriel raised his brows, understanding dawning across his features. “Oh, sorry. It’s kind of a climb.” He grabbed a rag out of the back seat and whipped his hands off. After making sure his hands were absolute clean, he glanced to her waist. “May I?”

“Oh,” she blushed. “Sure.”

His hands wrapped around her slim waist and he lifted her up onto the bench. He made to shut her door and she said, “My purse!”

“Where is it?” He asked, already stepping toward her car.

“In the passenger seat, would you also grab the bouquet from the back?”

His eyebrows rose. “Sure.”

Heading to her car, Azriel thought of the reasons she would have a bouquet of flowers with her. She didn’t mention that she was on the way to the hospital, so condolences didn’t seem right. Same for the cemetery, though it wasn’t too far from here. He tried not to think of the most obvious reason, especially with how heart-stoppingly gorgeous she was: that she had a boyfriend. As he opened the rear passenger door, it became clear that had to be the case. The fluffy mass of peonies and buttercups was so lovingly made he knew it had to to cost a fortune. Only someone who cared for another so tenderly would be willing to pay that much for flowers.

Opening the door and stepping up into the truck, Azriel handed Elain her purse and flowers. He suddenly didn’t know what to say. Not that the short conversation they’d had was stellar by any means, but it had been easy.

“So,” he began, starting the truck. “Where am I taking you?”

He mentally slapped himself as he realized how rude that sounded. It didn’t seem Elain noticed though, gazing at the flowers, adjusting petals here and there.

She answered cheerfully, “You can just drop me off at Nova Café. I was planning on stopping there for lunch anyways, and I can walk to work from there.” She looked up and beamed at him. “Would you care to join me? My treat, for the ride and for looking at my car.”

Azriel only blinked at her. “I don’t want to cause any problems.” Now it was Elaine’s turn to stare blankly at him in confusion. “With your boyfriend,” Azriel clarified.

Elain laughed, placing a hand on her chest and blushing. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Azriel turned to look at her. “I just figured- With the flowers …” he trailed off.

“Oh, these aren’t for me,” Elain said, awkward laughter causing her the pitch of her voice to raise slightly. “No, I’m just delivering them. I did make the bouquet though.”

“You made that?” Azriel didn’t hide the surprise in his tone.

“Yes, that’s what I do,” Elain laughed. “I’m a florist. I own Bespoke Floral Boutique.”

The name was familiar in Azriel’s mind, but he couldn’t pinpoint how he knew it. “That’s amazing.” A genuine smile graced his features. “Lunch would be great.”

Nova Café wasn’t far from his shop, so it worked out well. They grabbed a quick bite to eat and chatted, the conversation flowing easily between them. Before he knew it, he looked down at his watch and noticed it was nearly 12:15. Elain had barely made a dent in her sandwich.

“I have an appointment at 12:30, so I’m going to have to get going” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Elain had been taking a bite of her sandwich and covered her mouth as she chewed before asking. “Appointment? Are you a doctor?”

The incredulity on her face didn’t offend him, it just made him laugh. “Definitely not. I’m a tattoo artist.”

“Oh,” she said, understanding lighting up her brown eyes. “I can definitely see that. I don’t have any tattoos.” She lifted her arms up, showing off perfect, pale, creamy skin.

“Well if you ever want to change that, gimme a call.” He smiled at her as he stood.

Elain blushed but looked down. “How can I do that when you haven’t given me your number?”

Azriel’s eyes went wide. A blush began to creep across his face as well. Elain pulled a pen out of her purse and scribbled her number onto her napkin before she handed it to him. “It was nice to meet you, Azriel.”

“You too, Elain.” He gave a her a dazzling smile, and a wink as he slid the napkin into his pocket, before heading out to his truck and heading to the shop.

As he parked the truck and looked back to make sure it locked, he saw why her flower shop had seemed so familiar.

Across the street, in a building so unlike his own, hues of pink and yellow and orange contrasting the black and greys of his own, was Bespoke Floral Boutique.

Cassian had a love/hate relationship with the night before he went back to work for the school year. He loved the idea of getting his instruments out of the closet, cleaning them all up, and setting up his room for the months to come. He loved the excitement that thrummed through his veins when thinking about the hopeful students that would be walking through his door in a week’s time.

But, he hated that Summer would be ending and he couldn’t sleep in until noon or spend his days by the lake with his friends.

He decided to spend his last night at the bar, sitting alone, on his third beer, chatting with the bartender.

“Where’s Az?” Cassian asked, taking a tip from the cold, glass bottle. “Have you talked to him? I called about an hour ago. Never answered.”

Rhysand shook his head while he poured a dozen shots of tequila for the bachelorette party a few seats down. “No, which probably means it didn’t go well this morning.”

Cassian grunted. He hated that Azriel couldn’t see his son. The whole situation pissed Cassian off to no end. Azriel didn’t like to talk about it, though. None of them pushed him to talk about it, but they could see the toll it was taking on him.

“Maybe I should go check on him,” Cassian said, draining his bottle and tapping the bartop for another.

“Don’t,” Rhysand said, popping the top off another and placing it in front of his friend, his brother. “He doesn’t want to be bothered. Enjoy your last night of freedom.”

“You make it sound like I’m going to prison.”

Rhysand chuckled as he dismissed his friend to tend to a tall blonde at the other side of the bar. Cassian checked his phone. Still no text from Az, and it was getting late. He had to be at work at eight.

It was time to go.

After a brief wave to Rhysand and a quick chug of his beer, Cassian was hurrying out the door and was tossed into the bustling streets of Velaris.

Although a Sunday night, the city was still crowded with groups of friends and giggling couples captured by the beauty of the Sidra.

Cassian breathed in the fresh air, shoving his hands into his pockets. He had a high alcohol tolerance but still liked to walk to and from the bar, just in case. Besides, he didn’t live too far away from the building in which he spent most of his nights - at least the nights that Rhysand worked.

The stars were bright, shining through the quickly growing crowds. Typically, in the cities, the stars were diminished by the bright lights of the streets and the buildings, but not in Velaris. Cassian tilted his head back and watched as he strutted down the sidewalk.

“Watch it, asshole!”

Cassian felt it before he saw her.

His eyes darted down to his foot, which was on top of a small, heeled black boot. When he met the eyes of its owner, he cringed.

With eyes like ice, a young woman about a head shorter than him was glaring.

“Sorry,” he said, stepping back. “Wasn’t paying attention.”

“Obviously not,” she muttered.

She attempted to step around him but he followed her lead.

She took a deep breath as Cassian asked, “What’s your name?”

“Can’t your overly large feet take you somewhere that isn’t an inconvenience for me?”

Cassian grinned. “You know what they say about big feet.”

“They’re attached to idiots?”

As Cassian laughed, the woman once again stepped around him but this time, Cassian watched her go.

“It was nice to meet you!” he called.

She gave him a vulgar gesture before turning the corner behind Rita’s, into an apartment building.

Feyre didn’t even realize, as she picked at her boring salad, that she was tuning Tamlin out. Something about hearing him gloat about the major investment he secured at work for the thousandth time wasn’t as exciting to her as it was to him.

“Isn’t that right, Feyre?”

She jerked her head up, looking around at the table of his colleagues. His grass green eyes were boring into her own. She could read the annoyance in them, the aggravation that she wasn’t fawning over him like the other broker’s wives and girlfriends were. She’d been content to sit this dinner out, to stay at home and paint.

Tamlin had told her, in less than sincere terms, that wasn’t an option.

“I was just telling Dagdan,” he motioned to a dark haired man down the table, “that one more deal like this and there will be a ring on your finger.”

A year ago and that thought would have filled her with joy. A year ago and nothing would have excited her more than the prospect of being Tamlin’s wife. But things had become different between them lately. More strained. More tense.

He had begun to treat her more as an object than as the object of his affections.

The declaration drew her up short. “We’ve never discussed- Tamlin, I-.”

The woman sitting directly to Dagdan’s left, Brannagh, if her memory was correct, chuckled under her breath. The woman was near identical to Dagdan. Twin, sister, lover? Feyre couldn’t tell.

“Is something funny?” Feyre asked, setting her fork down.

Brannagh’s eyebrows rose and she looked like a cat that had just spotted a fat mouse to play with. Play with, before it consumed it bite by bite.

“Nothing is funny,” Tamlin interjected, quickly turning the conversation into safer territory. As they spoke about their work, Feyre again tuned the group out. She moved her salad to the side and began to pick out a piece of chocolate cake. She didn’t eat it, just mashed it to pieces and began to use her fork to make intricate swirls of icing on the plate. She brought the fork to her lips to clean it off.

The fork was snatched from her hand, the plate removed from in front of her before she could realize what was happening. She looked up to find Tamlin moving it down the table. His coworkers were all finishing up and it seemed as if they’d finally be leaving soon.

“What are you doing?” She asked, incredulity slipping into her tone.

“You don’t need that,” he said, and threw a brazen glance at her body. “You should probably start running with me in the mornings, too.”

That quiet chuckle from Brannagh again and Feyre was seeing red.

“Excuse you?” she whispered.

“Need to take care of your body, especially if we’re going to be getting married. I need you to look your best, baby.”

In a flash, Feyre was on her feet, glass of wine in her hand. And then...it wasn’t.

Then it was in Tamlin’s face. And his hair. And his crisp white shirt.

Without a word, Feyre grabbed her purse and walked out of the restaurant.

Her phone started buzzing before she’d even made it 20 feet from the door. She let it it ring and ring, surprised he hadn’t physically come after her. She continued to walk, trying to put as much distance between herself and the restaurant before he could decide to follow her.

It wasn’t long before the clouds that had been rolling in all day decided to finally open up and all at once, it began to pour. Feyre cursed and looked around, trying discern where she could go to get out of the rain.

A doorway was nestled into an alcove and Feyre saw the neon open sign was lit. She ducked inside and leaned against the wall.

She was drenched. Absolutely and totally drenched. Water dripped off of her dress and ran in rivulets down her legs. She ran a hand over her face and looked around. It was only then that she noticed she was in a bar. A completely empty bar, not even anyone behind the counter to mix drinks.

A glance at her watch told her why. It was 8:45 on Sunday night. Most people were at home with their families. Most people would be gearing up for the work week or ready for school.

The thought had Feyre walking farther into the room and sitting at the bar itself. She held her head in her hands and tried her hardest to keep the tears from sliding down her cheeks.

“I’m never one to assume, but I think you could use a drink.”

The alluring voice a few feet to her left startled her and she quickly sat up, looking in its direction. Violet eyes stared back.

He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.

“Do you want a drink?” He asked, quietly, hesitantly.

Feyre’s voice cracked as she whispered, “Please.”

He didn’t say anything, didn’t ask what she wanted as he turned around and poured two quick shots of whiskey, a glass of Coke, and set them down in front of her. He picked one of them up. “What’s your name?”

She picked her shot glass up and said, “Feyre.”

He clinked his glass against her own and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Feyre. I’m Rhysand,” and tossed the shot back.

[sapphoesie]

11 Questions Tag - Part III

Thanks to the lovely @starzablaze @captain-timetraveldreamer @readinglikewildfire  for tagging me!

1. Favorite smell? Cinnamon 2. Music preferences, and recs, if any. I have really eclectic music tastes and like a tonne of stuff. 3. If you were a famous personality, what would your most celebrated quote be? I don’t tend to remember the memorable stuff I say 😂 4. Favorite weather and favorite season. 15-20 degrees Celsius and Spring 5. Favorite beverage? Tea! (yorkshire tea) 6. Name 5 of your hobbies. Traveling, writing, bullet journaling and regular journaling, people-watching and reading of course. 7. What do you do when you’re sad or royally pissed? I answered this question for sad in Part II so I’ll just say what I do when I’m pissed. I don’t get angry that easily but when I do I need to vent because I’m hate confrontations and I’d always rather calm myself down then start fights. 8. Ideal s/o Intelligent, kind, caring, honest, funny and thoughtful. 9. Moon or stars? Why? Stars because you can almost always seen the moon but the seeing the stars is more special. Also, there’s a meteor shower (The Perseids) every year for a few days around the time of my birthday so every single year since I was little I’ve sat and watched the shooting stars on my birthday with my friends or parents and made a bunch of additional birthday wishes so I’ve always loved the stars. 10. When did you join Tumblr and why? Ages ago! Probably 5-6 years ago I don’t even remember. I had an aesthetic blog first and then got into fandom and just tried out loads of things. I started posting on this blog in March of this year though because I had the biggest book hangover after reading ACOMAF and knew I had to delve into the depths of Tumblr for fanart and fic because I was already trash  11. Eye and hair color + nature? Eye colour - hazel; Hair colour - silvery white (but my natural hair colour is light brown)

1. Dusk or Dawn and why? Dusk! Dawn kinda creeps up on you really slowly but the sun puts on a real show at twilight and it’s pretty hard to ignore. I sit in silence and watch at least 2 minutes of the sunset almost every single day. 2. Are you a tea or coffee kind of person? Tea 3. A story of a mischief done by you in your childhood. I skipped school when I was 9, before I even knew what skipping school was. I hated English class so I convinced a bunch of my friends not to go to our English class which was our last one for the day. We told the rest of our classmates that they were giving out free toys in the school shop so we could leave without being seen and for some reason they believed us and went except for this one girl who stayed behind, saw us leave and told on us afterwards. When the parent teacher conference happened, the parents of all the other kids who had cut class knew about it but my mum was the only one who had no idea because I never told her. Needless to say she was angry 😂 4. If you were given a wish what would you wish for? To adapt to life in Australia quickly and easily and to have fun on my year abroad before I go back home. 5. What do you wish to change about yourself and the world? I wish to be less harsh and critical and demanding of myself and I wish the world was more kind and empathetic.  6. Outdoor attire preferences?(fancy) As in formal wear? Chiffon, satin or silk are my go to fabrics because they kind of flow really nicely over every curve. I like pretty classic cuts, tight at the waist, flowing down and with more of a plunging neckline.  7. Which book character do you want to be your other half and why? I think either Dorian Havilliard, Cassian or Julian Blackthorn. They are all kind, compassionate, intelligent and loyal. 8. What would you do if you were given a million dollars? I’ve answered this in part I so I’ll just skip it now 9. Favourite colour and eye colour I don’t really have a favourite colour but I’ll say blue and favourite eye colour is blue too. 10. If you had to choose between your family and boyfriend, who would you choose? Family. 11. Favourite TV show and rec Friends, Parks and Rec, the Office, Game of Thrones.

1. Do you have any piercings or tattoos, what are they? I don’t have any tattoos but I have 5 piercings: four lobe piercings, two in each ear and a helix piercing. 2. Who is your style icon? Alexa Chung. Emily Ratajkowski. Jane Birkin. Vanessa Hudgens. Orion Carloto. Kate La Vie. (do yourself a favour and look these last two up on insta because they are so fab!) 3. Are you a night shower or a morning shower person? Night shower. 4. What do you study at school if you are at school? If you’re not at school what do you do instead? I’m at university and I study (broadcast) journalism. 5. Do you speak multiple languages? What are they? I’m fluent in English and Romanian, intermediate in French, can understand a lot of Italian and know a bunch of random words and phrases in so many other languages like Spanish, German or Japanese because I love linguistics so much! 6. What do you like most about where you live? I normally live in the UK but I’ve just moved 2 days ago and I didn’t time to see much of the new country where I live now so I’m going to say what I like best about the UK which is the weather. I bitch and moan about it all the time but as someone who’s lived in places where it gets really hot or really cold, the English weather is pretty decent most of the time. 7. Favorite piece of jewellery, why? My pandora bracelet. I’ve had it for 4 years now and worn it every single day. Every charm has been a gift and it has a special meaning to me. 8.  Whats one random fact about yourself? I get pins and needles in my limbs extremely easily. 9. TOG or ACOTAR? UGH! How can I choose?! ACOTAR just because I’ve read ACOWAR last and it’s more recent and fresh in my mind. 10. Do you like fantasy books with a lot of romance or does it not really matter to you? I love romance so I prefer if the book has loads of romance in it but I don’t read books with a romance element exclusively. 11. Favorite color! I don’t really have one but blue I guess.

I tag: @wpbianca99 @cass-ian @cassianandfenrysaremyboyos @highfaenesta @highlady-casandra @ultimaterowan @ships-and-saints @azrielsiphons

1. If you could only do three of these for the rest of your life which would you choose: reading, writing, dancing, singing, watching TV/films, playing sports, travelling. 2. What’s your most prized possession? 3. What’s one thing everyone should have? 4. How do you unwind after a long day? 5. What are 3 pet peeves of yours? 6. If you don’t like a book do you stop reading it or do you persist in the hopes that it will get better? 7. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve seen? 8. What’s a name you really like that you’d use for a character or future child? 9. What’s one thing you wish you had the courage to do? 10. What’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever received? 11. Have you ever done a random act of kindness or had a stranger do one for you?

[theladyofdeath]

Alone in the Ashes {22}

A Court of Thorns and Roses fanfction, characters belong to Sarah J Maas. Modern au. Revolves around Nesta x Cassian, Feyre x Rhysand, and Elain x Azriel. Other characters appear throughout. Based on multiple prompts sent in by anons tbr below.

Warning: Mature content. Alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, drugs, sex, language, eating disorders.

For summary & chapter index, click >  Alone in the Ashes {Acotar}

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: Yeah....I don’t even have a nice little book quote for this one.

The days passed by quickly, the weeks all blurring together. Planning a wedding was stressful, apparently, and trying to fit it into three months was a nightmare. With a month and a half to go until he and Feyre said I do, Rhysand had only crossed off half of his to-do list.

He had the day off of work and planned to try and knock off the other half during his afternoon at home, but it was morning, and Rhysand sat with Mila in the visiting room of the Velaris State Prison.

He hated Amarantha.

Loathed her.

But he loved Mila, and he couldn’t say no to Azriel when he’d asked. Azriel couldn’t miss Elain’s doctor appointment. They would be listening to the heartbeat for the first time. It was unmissable.

“You scared, Rhysie?”

Rhysand looked down into Mila’s big, pleading eyes. He hadn’t said much, felt incredibly uncomfortable. But for her, he smiled. “I’m okay. She should be coming soon, I would think.”

“The big men bring her in,” Mila said, referring to the guards. “She can’t talk a long time. They take her away.”

Rhysand nodded, taking her little hand in his as the door pushed open and Amarantha entered. The minute she walked in and spotted Rhysand, she grinned. 

Rhysand hated that grin.

He and Amarantha had dated right after he graduated from high school, for just a few months - a few months too long.

She sat across from them and Mila beamed. “Hi, mama. Rhysie came with me today! Uncle Azzie is with Lain at the doctor.”

“Hi baby,” she smiled, then looked to Rhysand. “Rhys.”

“Amarantha,” he said, her name uncomfortable as it rolled off his tongue. “How’s prison life?”

“About what you’d expect,” she said. “I hear you’re getting married. To Feyre, of all people.”

“We don’t have to talk,” Rhysand said, trying to keep his voice light for Mila’s sake. “Talk to your daughter.”

“Oh, I will,” Amarantha said, “but this is such a great time for us to catch up. So. Feyre finally got rid of Tamlin, did she?”

Rhysand’s jaw locked. It seemed his last visit to Tamlin went better than he’d hoped for. Neither he nor Feyre had heard from the asshole since that day. 

“Ah, she did, and fell in love with you,” Amarantha crooned. “And Azriel’s a baby daddy. How about Cassian?”

“Cassie is in love with Nesta,” Mila said.

Amarantha’s brows nearly shot into her hairline. “Archeron? Shit, his standards must have really lowered.”

“Shit,” Mila repeated, and giggled.

“Don’t say that word,” Rhysand whispered to Mila.

“Don’t tell my daughter what she can and can’t say,” Amarantha snapped. “She’s not your daughter.”

“Do you even know who her father is?” Rhysand asked, before he could stop himself. Mila didn’t seem to notice, an older guard was coming around, handing lollipops to the kids, and Mila was waiting eagerly in her chair. 

Amarantha’s eyes had narrowed. “Yes, jackass, I do, and now that Az is having a child of his own, Mila will be seeing him a lot more.”

Rhysand stilled. “The fuck are you talking about?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot these past few weeks,” Amarantha said, sitting back. “Azriel’s negligence has already begun. He’s not here, doing his duty to Mila. Instead, he’s with Elain, obsessing over his unborn child. It’s only a matter of time before he starts ignoring Mila entirely.”

“Azriel loves Mila like she’s his own,” Rhysand spat. “Letting her go with anyone else would be fucked up, even for you.”

Amarantha took no offence. She simply grinned as Mila hopped up from her chair and dug through the bucket of lollipops. 

“I disagree. In fact, I’ve already given Mila’s dad a call. He’ll be paying a visit to Azriel, soon.”

Rhysand said nothing as Mila crawled onto his lap. “Can you open this, Rhysie?”

Clearing his throat, Rhysand took the sucker and took off the wrapper before giving it back to Mila.

“Thank you,” she grinned, putting the sucker in her mouth before throwing her little arms around Rhysand’s neck.

“You can’t do this,” Rhysand breathed. “You just want something to control, but it’s not right, and you know it.”

Amarantha shook her head. “You don’t even know who her father is.”

“I know if he slept with you he must be a lowlife dipshi-” Rhysand’s word broke off, remembering there was a four-year-old within earshot. “Not good.”

Mila was singing a song in his ear, oblivious to it all, her entire, innocent world revolved around her lollipop. 

“You’ll all find out soon, won’t you? Besides, you used to sleep with me,” Amarantha said, lips twisted upward. “Now, Mila.” Mila turned around at the sound of her name. “Tell mama what I’ve missed.”

Just like that, Rhysand was forgotten. Mila told Amarantha about preschool, about all she did while Azriel was at work.. Then, she told Amarantha about Rhysand’s wedding, and how pretty she felt in her flower girl dress. She also told her mother that Uncle Az was going to be a daddy, and she would have a little brother or sister soon.

Rhysand’s heart broke at the words, at the little girl’s excitement. 

Innocent.

She was so fucking innocent.

Rhysand felt sick. He didn’t know who the father was. None of them did. They all just assumed Amarantha was sleeping with so many different men that she didn’t know. The thought of some random dick coming to take Mila away from Azriel…

Azriel would be crushed.

But he wouldn’t let Mila go, not without a fight - a fight he didn’t need as he prepared to bring a child into the world. Elain would support him, of course. She had grown to love Mila, too.

They all loved Mila.

The guard by the door soon announced that visiting hours were over.

Amarantha stood diligently from her chair, kissed Mila on the forehead, then pressed her lips to Rhysand’s, quickly. His jaw went hard, his lips tight.

The second she broke away from him, she whispered, “Let Azriel know about my little surprise.”

As Amarantha walked away, Mila looked up at Rhysand. “Why you kiss mama?”

Rhysand didn’t answer. With a sigh, he stood up, picking her up as he did so. She clung to his neck, the sucker still in her mouth, as they hauled ass to the parking lot. 

~~~~~

Elain was practically bouncing out of her chair. Azriel, as always, seemed perfectly calm.

“How are you not freaking out?” she asked. 

Azriel chuckled. “Because I know everything will be fine.”

“How?” she asked, rising to her feet. “Oh, I’m gonna puke.”

“There’s a garbage-”

But she had already found the trash can and was hunched over it, vomiting up what little she had managed to get into her stomach for breakfast that morning. Azriel was behind her, instantly, holding back her hair.

She leaned back into him and groaned. He stood there for a moment, comforting her as she caught her breath.

“What if they can’t find a heartbeat?” she whispered.

Azriel turned her around so that she was facing him. He kissed her forehead, softly. “Nothing out of the ordinary has happened, okay? According to my sources, you are a perfectly healthy pregnant woman, and there is a baby with a strong, little heartbeat in there.”

Elain couldn’t help but smile. “And who are your sources?”

“The internet,” he mumbled, and Elain laughed, pressing her forehead into his chest. 

She didn’t have to stress about the unknown for much longer, though, because the door opened and the doctor walked in. They had gone to high school with him, he had been in the same grade as Azriel, played basketball alongside him.

His icy blue eyes shone as he took in Azriel and Elain.

“Hey,” he grinned, clapping Azriel on the shoulder before shaking Elain’s hand.

“Hey, Kal,” Azriel replied with a smile. “Long time.”

Kallias chuckled. “Yeah, it has been. I’m glad you told Viv you were looking for a doctor. She hauled ass home and told me if I didn’t make room for you two, she’d riot.”

Viviane was Mila’s preschool teacher. She had also graduated the same year as Azriel. Her and Kallias had gotten married just after high school.

Elain laughed, quietly. “We appreciate you getting us in. It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” he replied, gently. “Hop up on the table for me.” 

Elain did so and laid back. 

“Morning sickness?” he asked, as he sat on a stool that he wheeled toward her. Azriel stood on the opposite side of the table, quietly.

“Ugh, yes,” Elain began.

“Good.”

When she looked at him like he was crazy, he chuckled. “Believe it or not, it’s a sign that the baby is healthy.”

Elain looked at Azriel. He was grinning - no doubt something he already knew from his sources. 

“At this point, your baby is the size of a kidney bean and only weighs a few ounces,” Kallias continued, pulling out a tube of gel. “You may start to notice your abdomen starting to grow, and you may notice your breasts getting bigger, too.” At that, he winked at Azriel. “If you haven’t already.”

Elain’s cheeks heated.

Kallias huffed a laugh. “Alright, pull up your shirt for me.”

She exposed her belly and took Azriel’s hand. Kallias’ smile softened at her tiny, growing bump. “Alright. We’re gonna try to find a heartbeat. If we don’t find one today, don’t panic. It’s normal, considering the fetus is so small. In that case, I’ll have you come back in a few weeks to try again. Okay?” Elain nodded. Kallias asked, softly, ”Ready?”

“Yes,” Elain breathed. 

“Sorry, this part’s cold.” He squeezed the gooey gel onto her abdomen, then took a little probe and spread out the gel before slowly moving it around her abdomen. 

The seconds seemed to pass too slowly. 

Azriel’s thumb was lightly brushing over the back of her hand as they waited. 

Suddenly, Kallias stopped and looked up at Elain with a smile as a fast-paced beating filled the room. 

Elain looked up at Azriel and laughed. The heartbeat was fast, seemed too fast, but Kallias said it was normal, meant it was a healthy heartbeat. 

Elain decided then, as tears filled her eyes, that it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard. Judging by the softness of Azriel’s eyes, of his smile, he felt the same.

~~~~~

Cassian pulled into the townhouse’s driveway. He’d barely taken off his helmet as he knocked on the front door. 

He hadn’t seen Nesta since the night he spent with her, watching movies. He had texted her the night before, though, asking her if she wanted to go out.

She had said yes, replied quickly.

So, Cassian had taken a bike home from work and planned to take her to dinner.

The door opened a minute later, and Nesta walked out onto the porch. She took one look at the bike and raised a brow.

“You should know by now what a night out with me entails.”

Nesta huffed a laugh then gestured to her close-toed shoes. “Obviously.”

He grinned and handed her the extra helmet. “Come on.”

She took the helmet and pulled it down onto her head. Cassian helped her fasten the chinstrap before putting on his own. 

Her arms wrapped around him as they sped down the road, into the heart of the city, where they eventually came to a little restaurant in a brick building. Nesta smoothed down her hair as they entered. 

“Italian?” she asked, keeping close to Cassian as they were led to a little table by the window.

“You don’t like Italian?” he asked, as they sat down.

“Everyone likes Italian,” she muttered, with a small smile, looking down at the menu.

But Cassian was looking at her.

She didn’t look up from her menu when she asked, “May I help you?”

Cassian chuckled, picking up his own menu. “You look nice.”

“I know,” she said, quietly. “You look pretty nice, too.” 

“I know,” Cassian said, mimicking her tone.

Nesta shook her head. “So, after we eat a delicious meal, where are you taking me this time?”

“You’re so impatient,” he said, grinning.

“Yeah, I am,” she laughed. “Answer my fucking question.”

Cassian shrugged. “Wherever you wanna go. Tell me where, and I’ll take you there.”

“Anywhere?” she asked, brow raised.

“Within reason,” Cassian muttered.

She snorted, but nodded. “I like that idea.”

“That’s because you like to be in charge,” he countered.

Nesta didn’t deny it. “Obviously.” 

Nesta pretended to think about it the entire time they sat at that table. Every time Cassian asked what she was thinking, she gave him the same answer he had always given her - it’s a surprise.

“You’ll have to tell me eventually,” he laughed. “I’m driving.”

Nesta had finished her plate of pasta as she said, “Are you?”

Cassian stilled, eyes narrowed, before taking his last bite. “Oh, I’m sure as hell not letting you drive my bike.”

“Think I can’t do it?” she asked.

Cassian hesitated.

It was a trick question, he swore.

“Let me drive,” she said, cocking her head to the side. 

“Hmm,” Cassian grunted. “No.”

“Come on.”

“You don’t know how.”

“Then teach me.”

They stared at one another, neither of them budging. 

Cassian let out a long, slow breath. “Fine, but if you wreck it, I will make you watch so many shitty old movies-”

“I’ll be careful,” she interrupted, chuckling. 

“Better be,” he muttered, before asking for the check.

Far before he was ready, they were back on his bike, Cassian sitting behind Nesta.

“Alright,” he said, firing up the engine and starting to back them up. His arms were around her, his hands on the handlebars. “Put your hands under mine.”

She did so. Cassian’s hands tightened around hers. Yeah, he wasn’t sure about this one bit.

“Alright,” he said, again, guiding her hands as they approached the edge of the parking lot, ready to merge onto the road. 

Cassian had never let anyone else drive any of the bikes he brought home. She would be disappointed if she thought he was going to stop guiding her hands.

Not happening.

He revved the engine and Nesta’s body shook against him with laughter. 

“Here we go,” he muttered, heart beating wildly as she motioned for them to turn right. 

Right they went.

They drove down the main street, through the city, until they were heading down a familiar backroad. Cassian let his hands loosen, just a little bit, once it seemed Nesta was getting the hang of it. She was going slower than he would’ve, which he was grateful for.

Eventually, Nesta was pulling off of the road, to a familiar place he’d brought her a couple months before. 

She stopped the bike, and Cassian put his legs out to catch them, finally fully releasing her hands.

After turning off the engine, he took off his helmet.

“Come on,” she said, not waiting for him as she found the trail in the woods. 

With a fond smile, he followed her into the trees and down the pathway, toward the waterfalls. 

“This is my favorite place you’ve taken me,” she said, although she didn’t turn around as she did. She climbed down the path until she was on that large, flat rock, where she slipped off her socks and shoes. After rolling up her jeans, she hung her legs over the rock, into the water. 

Cassian did the same, sitting next to her. 

“I’m glad you liked it,” he said.

“You told me you liked me that day,” she said, looking out at the falls. “It was a good day.”

Cassian looked at her through his side eye before reaching over to gently take her hand.

She didn’t pull away.

“Yeah, it was,” he agreed.

When she looked at him, she froze. “You’re giving me that look.”

“What look?” Cassian crooned.

“The look that says you’re about to do something that’s going to piss me the fuck off.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Cassian said, innocently. 

Just as Nesta opened her mouth to reply, Cassian was wrapping his arms around Nesta’s waist and pulling her down into the frigid waters of the Sidra. 

When they came up out of the water, Nesta was screaming. “Fuck, that’s cold!” 

She splashed Cassian in the face, who simply laughed, treading in place. 

He splashed her back.

With a scowl, she swam to where Cassian was staying afloat and pushed him back under the water by his shoulders. He came up, laughing, right in front of her face.

Her arms wrapped around his shoulders.

His arms wrapped around her waist.

He admired how she looked, clothes and hair soaked, droplets of water falling down her face. Her lips were slightly parted, her blue-gray eyes wide as she looked into his. 

“You look nice,” he whispered, the sound of the waterfalls nearly drowning out his words.

“You look pretty nice, too,” she said, brushing his wet hair back off his forehead.

He could feel her breath, warm against his mouth. 

Her legs wrapped around his waist as he pulled her up, closer toward him.

She could never be close enough.

Closing the short distance between them, Cassian softly pressed his lips to hers.

~~~~~

“You WHAT?” Feyre yelled.

Mila had let the beans spill about Amarantha’s goodbye. Azriel had shown up mere seconds later to pick her up and, after giving them a quick rundown of Elain’s appointment, they were gone.

Leaving Rhysand and Feyre alone in their apartment.

“She kissed me,” Rhysand said, “not the other way around, calm down.”

“She put her dirty mouth on my husband’s!” Feyre said, throwing her hands in the air. “Bitch. And don’t fucking tell me to calm down. Never tell a woman to calm down.”

Rhysand didn’t correct her. Instead, he started picking up the dirty plates, silverware, and dishes off the table, bringing them to the sink. They’d had chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese - Mila’s choice. 

Feyre shuddered. “That pisses me the fuck off. Just when you think she could do all the damage she could do, she pulls shit like that.” 

“That’s not all she pulled,” Rhysand said, rinsing off the dishes as he put them into the dishwasher.

Feyre came up behind them and pulled herself up on the counter. “Care to elaborate?”

Rhysand turned off the sink and ran his hand through his hair. “She decided she doesn’t like that Elain is pregnant. She plans to use Azriel’s baby as a tool for manipulation.”

A minute passed when Feyre said nothing, and when Rhysand turned around to face her, leaning against the counter behind him, she finally said, “I don’t understand.” 

“She told Mila’s dad that Azriel has her. And, apparently, told him to take her away from Az.”

Feyre blinked, letting the words sink in. “Wait- Mila’s dad? As in...she’s actually acknowledging who the bastard is?”

Rhysand nodded. “So she says. She wanted me to tell Azriel, but...I don’t know. He was so happy, just now, I couldn’t.” 

Feyre’s eyes softened. “It’s not your fault, Rhys. But fuck Amarantha. She’s been a shitty parent all these years. Azriel has been that little girl’s only constant, and if this jackass takes her away….” She shook her head. “Did she say who it was?”

“No,” Rhysand breathed. “But, I have a really bad feeling about it, Feyre. Amarantha kept him away all these years, and, as you said, she’s been a shitty parent. If Mila’s dad is someone Amarantha wanted nothing to do with…”

“Why would she want him now, then?” Feyre asked. 

Rhysand shrugged, turning back to the sink to finish the dishes. “Because she’s bored, and she’s bitter, and she likes to watch Azriel suffer, as she always has.” 

Feyre said nothing else. She stayed sitting on the counter, quietly. 

There was nothing else to say.

Nothing that would change the hell that Azriel was about to find himself in, anyway.

 ~~~~~

Azriel had driven Mila home and put her in bed before he joined Mor on the couch with a glass of wine.

“No Elain tonight?” she asked.

“Apparently it’s sister night. Nesta’s on her way home. They plan to watch a movie and paint each other’s nails or something like that.”

Mor laughed. “Sounds fun. We should do that, too. You’re good at painting my nails.”

Azriel rolled his eyes. “I was in high school. My skills may have faded through the years.”

“Doubtful,” she said, grinning. “Well, I may be being selfish, but I’m glad to have you for a night to myself. Daddy.”

“Do not call me that,” he muttered, sipping from his glass.

Mor’s grin widened. “Why not, daddy?”

“Stop.”

“I like it when you use that tone with me,” she said, winking, then added, “Daddy.”

Azriel flicked her nose, and Mor’s laughter filled the air.

It was cut short when a loud knock came to the front door.

“Who the hell is that?” Azriel mumbled. “It’s late.”

Concern consumed him, suddenly thinking it was Elain, suddenly thinking something was wrong. He pulled his phone out of his pocket as he padded toward the door to make sure he hadn’t missed any messages.

He hadn’t.

Shoving it back into his pocket, he threw open the door and froze.

Eris Vanserra stood outside, grinning. “Azriel. I hear you have my daughter.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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@gloriouspaintercreatorbandit​ @iliketoasterstrudels​

@6255igntm​  @moondancer-204​

@littlehoneyybee​  @acourtofbookworms​

@the-regal-warrior​

@awkward-avocado-s​  @nightcourtcinnamonroll​

@aelin-rowan-whitehorn​ @bamchickawowow​

@julemmaes​  @itsme-malin

@regular-nessian-trash​  @made-of-stardust-and-wanderlust

@ugh-avila​  @awkward-avocado-s​

@superspiritfestival  @the-dark-swan​  @girlgotattitude448​  @eversincebeirut​

@midnightrose-reader​  @lord-douglas-the-third​  @thestarguidingyouhome​

@empress-ofbloodshed​  @starkovsnesta​ @nickjgoodsell​

Prompts:

{ “I’m gonna fuck you so hard that you forget you ever met that asshole” - Feysand } -anonymous

{ “How about Nessian needing to fake date when they go home for the holidays?!” } - anonymous

{ “could u pls do like an elriel fic where azriel is like this mysterious bad boy and elain is a goody two shoes lik aaaaa i cant get that image out of my head” } - anonymous

[theladyofdeath]

A S H E S {4}

ACOTAR fanfiction, Cassian x Nesta. Modern AU, in Velaris.

Summary: Cassian gets injured in battle and the scars are permanent, leaving him forced to go home to Velaris. Although he’s happy to be home with his family and friends, being back proves to be far more difficult than he expected.

A/N: And so it continues.

Fanfic Masterlist

It had been a long week.

Cassian had gone to Velaris High every day right when the school day started and spent all day in his office, learning plays and about his team. Practices went well. The kids were all well behaved and respected him greatly.

He was actually enjoying himself.

It was Friday afternoon, the hot sun still high in the sky as practiced wrapped up.

“Alright,” Cassian said, loudly, in the huddle. “Next Friday is our first game. We’ve come a long way this week. Everyone’s doing great. Have a good weekend, don’t make too many bad decisions.” A few of the grins on his team's faces told him that direction would be ignored. “I’ll see you all Monday.”

They put their helmets up in the air, clustered together, and shouted Vikings before they dispersed off the field and into the locker room.

Cassian turned around to clean up the equipment on the sidelines to find a visitor sitting on the bench.

“Come to admire the coach?” He asked.

Nesta rolled her eyes. “I came to tell the coach that he’s full of himself.”

Cassian chuckled. “Fair enough. Going out with your sisters tonight?”

She sighed. “Yeah. Feyre got a sitter, so it’s just the three of us, which hasn’t happened in forever. What are the boys doing?”

“Sitting at the apartment, drinking.”

Nesta laughed. “So, some things haven’t changed.”

Cassian grinned. “No, except now it’s legal and we don’t have to sneak the beer past our parents.”

Nesta laughed, a twinkle in her eyes. “That was fun.”

“Yeah,” Cassian said, voice becoming gentler. “It was.”

“I’m picking you up at eight tomorrow, by the way.”

Cassian froze from where he was putting a football into a giant drawstring bag. “What?”

“Our date.”

“No, I know, but...I mean, I was planning on picking you up.”

Nesta stood, brushing off her violet skirt. “Too manly to break tradition?”

“I-no-“

“Then I’ll see you at eight,” she said, a grin on her pink lips. “Bye, Nazari.”

Cassian didn’t move, didn’t say goodbye as he watched her walk off the field and disappear behind the bleachers. 

———

“You and Nesta? A date? It’s about damn time.”

Rhysand was lying on the carpet of Azriel’s living room, already feeling the whiskey.

Cassian shrugged from his seat on the couch. “She seems excited about it. Well, as excited as Nesta can get.”

Azriel huffed a laugh before downing the rest of his bottle. “She even told Elain about it. That’s saying something.”

“Thinking about you and Elain,” Cassian began, “when are you gonna pop the question?”

Azriel looked away as the tips of his ears turned pink. “I don’t know. Soon. Maybe.”

“Being married is the best,” Rhys slurred. “Especially when your wife is a freak, like mine.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. “I’m sure Feyre will be pleased to hear such a compliment.”

Rhysand just laughed before popping open another bottle. “I’m just saying. There’s nothing better than promising yourself to your soulmate. One person who knows you better than anyone. And, you can have sex whenever you want.”

“Az already does that,” Cassian winked, sending Azriel’s ears into chaos again.

“Anyways, we were talking about you and Nesta,” Azriel said, clearing his throat. 

Cassian shook his head. “Nothing more to say.”

Azriel And Rhys exchanged a glance.

“Since when did you become so….private?” Rhys asked, wiggling his eyebrows as he dragged out the last word.

Cassian wasn’t sure how to answer that, although he doubted Rhysand would even remember asking the question when the morning arrived. 

He had become private, in his time away. Not at first, exactly, but over time. As time had gone on, Cassian had hardened, slowly, more and more. Although he was good at putting on a light, carefree show, he didn’t open up as he once did.

Cassian shrugged. “Not being private, there’s just nothing more to say.”

Azriel tossed his empty bottle onto the rug. “You two were the couple everyone thought would get together after high school, get married, have kids…”

Cassian pulled out his phone, scrolling through his newsfeed when he said, “So?”

“I’m just saying,” Azriel began, opening a new bottle and bringing it to his lips. “It’s not like this is some random girl you’re taking on a date. It’s Nesta. There’s history there.”

Rhysand nodded and mumbled his agreement.

They were right, of course. It wasn’t a normal first date. There was history. They had been best friends all through high school, and he had fallen in love with her during their senior year. They’d talked about starting something, but then Cassian had joined the army, and that was that.

“It’s like picking up on the tenth date,” Rhysand followed, blinking rapidly. “You gonna take her back to her place? Invite yourself inside? Get some?”

Cassian sat down his phone and took a drink. “Get some?”

“Sex,”  he whispered, making Azriel chuckle and Cassian roll his eyes.

“Thank you, dumbass,” Cassian said. “I don’t plan on getting any.”

Rhysand frowned, looking into his bottle to find it empty, completely forgetting he was a part of the conversation.

“Do you think Nesta thinks that?” Cassian asked, looking to Azriel. “That it’s like starting on the tenth date? Has Elain said anything?”

“No.” Azriel shook his head. “Just that she’s excited.”

Cassian nodded, hoping the subject would be dropped.

Rhysand soon found humor in his hands, which he randomly thought to be massive, sending Azriel into a laughing fit of his own.

He’d have to cut them both off soon. Either cut them off, or watch them make fools of themselves.

The latter sounded more fun.

But Cassian couldn’t drink anymore.

He couldn’t do much of anything.

Because now he was nervous as hell for his date with Nesta.

_______

It was almost eight o clock and Cassian was staring at the handful of outfits he had in his bag. Shopping for something new would’ve been a good idea...if he’d thought of it two hours earlier. He would’ve borrowed something from Azriel, but all of his clothes were too tight.

So, that left Cassian to stare at his shit while wearing nothing but his raggedy old boxers.

Sighing, he grabbed a pair of jeans and pulled them on, just as she knocked on the door.

“Coming!” He called, then cursed under his breath. His choices included an old Velaris High tee shirt and a long-sleeved, plain black tee.

He chose the black one, barely getting it over his head before the door pushed open.

Nesta stood in the threshold, a red dress tightly fitted against her body, long-sleeved, reaching her mid-thigh. With her heels, she was nearly as tall as he was. Her hair was down in long, loose curls.

He raised a brow at her, pulling his shirt down to the hem of his jeans. “Still impatient, I see.”

She shrugged. “Patient people never get shit done.”

Cassian huffed a laugh, shaking his head. “I guess not.”

After grabbing his wallet and slipping on his boots, they were out the door of Azriel’s apartment and hitting the streets of Velaris.

“Where are you taking me?” she asked.

Cassian chuckled. “You picked me up, remember? Haven’t you planned our lovely evening?”

She gave him a sidelong glance. “Expected me to do all the work, did you?”

His grin widened as he offered her his arm. “Don’t worry. I’ve got big plans.”

She slipped her arm through his with an eye roll. “Mother help us.”

He led her down the Sidra, the sinking sun causing the clear blue water to sparkle. There was a small dancefloor set up just outside of the artists’ corner, surrounded by old wooden tables and local vendors. String lights were hung above the dance floor as they all awaited the appearance of the captivating starlight. 

“Care to give dancing another chance?” He asked, leading her onto the floor.

The music was soft, coming for a string quartet sitting off to the side. The last time they had danced, the evening had taken a turn for the worse.

But Cassian felt perfectly comfortable as he took Nesta in his arms and swayed back and forth to the sweet sound of the violin.

They danced for hours. Cassian had completely forgotten about his hunger as they talked and laughed. He hadn’t laughed so much in a long time.

This was his childhood best friend. The only person to understand him. Yes, it was different, but it didn’t all have to be different. They had almost begun something before he left a decade ago, they should have begun something. Then again, it had been ten years. Ten years was a long time. How much did he really know about Nesta archeron? The woman, not the girl he’d known so long ago.

“You look like your deep in thought,” Nesta said, voice quiet, as they swayed back and forth.

“I’m not the same person I was, Nesta,” he said. He tried not to sound bitter, tried not to sound hurt, but failed.

The rare smile she had began to fade. “I know that. Neither am I.”

“Exactly,” he said, his hand tightening around hers. “What do we really know about each other? After all this time?”

She shook her head. “Isn’t that what we’re doing here? Finding out?”

Cassian let out a breath.

“I’m not stupid, Cassian,” she began, coming to a halt and stepping back. “I know full well that we’re not the same kids we were at eighteen.”

Cassian didn’t know what to say. He had a million thoughts running through his mind that he couldn’t quite sort. “I didn’t mean to imply that you were stupid.” 

She shook her head. “Maybe this is a mistake. Yeah? Maybe you’re not ready for this. Maybe you need time-“

“Don’t fucking tell me what I need,” Cassian spat.

Nesta’s lips snapped shut into a straight line. Without another word, she turned on her heels and walked away.

Every other couple on the dance floor was left looking awkwardly at Cassian. 

After a long string of quiet curses, Cassian followed.

Nesta had grabbed her clutch and sweater and began to walk back toward Azriel’s apartment, where her car was parked. 

“Nesta!” Cassian called after her.

She didn’t stop.

Cassian shoved his hands in his pockets as he followed her down the boardwalk of the Sidra.

“NES, stop!” He called.

She didn’t.

As onlookers followed his movements, Cassian ran. Once he caught up with her, he grabbed her hand.

She halted, although she wasn’t too pleased about it. “What.”

“I’m sorry.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah? About what?”

Cassian closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I…”

Nothing else came out and Nesta let out a long, slow breath. “I know, you’ve been through a lot. I get it.”

“But you don’t get it,” Cassian said. “And I don’t expect you to. You will never get it, none of you will. Only I understand. Me, alone. And that fucking sucks. I hate it, Nesta. I hate the memories I have, hate the feelings that overcome me out of nowhere. I hate that I wake up in a pool of my own sweat every night and can’t hear loud noises without panicking. I hate that the sight of fire, or blood, has me feeling sick to my stomach. I hate that I can’t take you on a proper date without ruining it. Okay? I hate it, and you deserve better. At least...at least let me walk you back to Az’s.”

She shook her head. “Cass-“

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” he said, unable to control the words flowing out of his mouth. “But I don’t need time, Nes. Time...I’m terrified of time. Terrified of my thoughts, terrified of tomorrow, okay? I’m scared shitless. I-“

“Okay,” Nesta breathed, her palm resting against his stubbled cheek as the words flowed out of him without a pause.

“I’m scared,” he whispered, and there was no shame in it. Terror lit his hazel eyes and it was then that Nesta realized just how little she did understand of this new Cassian, this 28-year-old man that she had seen so little of in the past decade. He was right. They were strangers, strangers resting on the foundation of the kids they used to be.

“It’s okay,” she said, promised. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I promise.”

He nodded, although he didn’t truly believe her.

He wouldn’t blame her if she left, if he scared her away. He was fighting an army of demons within himself, and that was enough to terrify anyone.

Himself included.

But she simply took his hand and led him slowly down the boardwalk, back to Azriel's apartment.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she promised.

Cassian wasn’t sure what he and Nesta were, or what they were going to be. But, he had a feeling at that moment that whatever they were, it was good. 

In that moment, he felt a rare sense of peace sweep over him.

He held her hand a little tighter. 

[theladyofdeath]

Friday Night Lights {ACOTAR}

Chapter 15

Summary: Inspired by the series Friday Night Lights. In a town that is obsessed with football, a group of teenagers are glorified for what they bring to the field. But what the people of Velaris don’t realize is that there is a lot more to life than football, and it’s not always pretty.

Revolves around Cassian, Nesta, Elain, Lucien, Azriel, Morrigan, Amren, Feyre, and Rhysand.

*Warning: This fic deals with sensitive material.

*Note: A chapter will be posted every Sunday & Wednesday.

Click here for previous chapters.

Author’s Note: Five more chapters and SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL. 

Enjoy.

(I legit cried at y’all’s comments on chapter 14 ohmygod thank you.)

"When you love something it loves you back in whatever way it has to love." - John Knowles 

Rhysand was breathless.

He had been with a lot of girls, and had seen a lot of beautiful things, but when Feyre opened the door he became weak in the knees. His bottom lip fell open, and he realized he looked like an idiot as she grinned, modestly.

He wasn’t alone, though.

Azriel was the same as he looked at Elain, then looked down at his own outfit, then back at Elain.

“You look beautiful,” Rhysand whispered, as he took her hand.

“Thank you,” she smiled, cheeks heating. “You look pretty good yourself.”

“Have fun!” a woman called from the doorway, as Feyre’s oldest sister stood beside her, scowling.

Rhysand waved as they walked to his BMW.

“Your sister looks like she wants to kill me,” he whispered in Feyre’s ear as he opened his passenger side door.

“She probably does,” Feyre muttered, sitting down and buckling her seatbelt.

He peeked over his shoulder after he shut Feyre’s door. Nesta was still watching him with slitted eyes. 

Yes, she definitely wanted him dead.

Azriel wasn’t saying anything, and Rhysand was pretty sure he was going into cardiac arrest.

Rhysand couldn’t blame him.

He peeked over at Feyre as he started his engine. She was stunning, in every sense of the word. Her red, silky dressed reached to her mid-thighs, and her golden-brown hair was curled and twisted so that it was neatly out of her face.

Beautiful. She was beautiful.

He cleared his throat. “So, ready?”

No one answered, and nervous tension filled the air.

Ready or not, they were off.

It was homecoming. 

Lucien and Vassa were riding in silence.

To Vassa’s surprise, Lucien had actually put quite a bit of effort into his appearance. It wasn’t that Lucien didn’t like to dress up – he actually did, a fact that Vassa loved about him. She was just surprised he had dressed up for her.

He wore a burgundy jacket and black pants, a gray button down shirt in perfect contrast to his red hair and russet eyes. His hair was combed back, out of his face. He was completely, utterly handsome.

She couldn’t stop sneaking glances at him for the entirety of the ride, then felt ridiculous.

Lucien and Vassa had been best friends since freshman year when they quickly bonded over their love for journalism and photography. He was her other half.

Or so she had thought.

They were made for one another. When they were together, nothing else mattered and all seemed right with the world. Until recently. Until Vassa had put herself out there and Lucien seemed to care less.

Until she put her heart on the line.Yet, Lucien only wanted to be with other girls.

With Elain. 

“So,” she said, trying to break the silence that had somehow grown uncomfortable. They had never had uncomfortable silence before. “Excited?”

“Yeah,” he said, although his voice was quiet.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, afraid of the answer.

“I just…..I don’t know. Not really looking forward to seeing Elain there with Azriel.”

Vassa tried to hide the hurt that was obviously showing in her eyes. “What’s so bad about Azriel?”

Lucien eyed Vassa. “Seriously? The guy is a freak. He sulks all the time and is incredibly secretive. He could be planning to kill her for all we know.”

“Oh, shut up,” Vassa snapped. “You’re being ridiculous.” 

Lucien raised a brow, his hands still on the wheel at ten and two. “What?”

“There’s no need to bash on Azriel because you’re jealous.”

Lucien snorted. “I’m not jealous.”

“Aren’t you?” Vassa yelled, and Lucien flinched at her volume. “That’s bullshit, Lu! You’re still hung up over this girl that you barely know. You’re the one sulking! You’re so bummed that you’re not going to the dance with her. Well, guess what, Lu? You’re not going to the dance with her. You’re going with me.”

Lucien pulled his car into the school parking lot. “You say that likes it’s a bad thi-”

“It is a bad thing!” Vassa tossed her hands in the air, the straps of her pine-green dress sliding up her shoulders as she did so. “At least, you seem to think it is.”

Lucien pulled into a spot near the back of the parking lot and put the car in park. “What is your deal?”

“My deal?” Vassa scoffed. “My deal is that I have spent four years picking up the pieces of your heart every time some random girl has stomped all over it. And it’s been pointless, Lu, because the girl you should have been with all this time is me.”

Lucien looked at her for the first time since they entered the parking lot, his eyes widening. “What?”

“This was a mistake,” she said, rubbing her temples. “I was so stupid for asking you to the dance and actually thinking you would want to go with me. I’m wasting my time.”

“Vassa –“ he began.

But she had already thrown open her door. “Have fun, Lucien. I’ll see you Monday.”

“You’re being ridiculous!” he said, trying to grab her wrist, but she quickly snatched it away.

“I’m being real,” she said, wistfully, embarrassed that tears were shining in her eyes. She swung her legs out of the door and brushed down her dress as she rose onto the pavement. “I’m so stupid. I’ve been chasing you for years and you are so obviously not into me. Stupid. So, so stupid.”

“Vass –“

She slammed the door, and by the time Lucien was out of the car, she was walking away.

“Can’t we just talk for a minute?” he asked, his eyes wide with concern.

“I’m done talking, Lucien,” she said, barely looking back over her shoulder. “I’m done talking. I’m done hoping. I’m done trying. I just…..need some time to myself, okay?”

She was embarrassed. She was mortified. The last thing she needed was to see the pity written plainly across his face.

She was going home, and she was going to slip out of her ridiculous dress, and wipe off her make-up, and get into her pajamas. Then, she was going to watch a movie that would surely make her cry, and lie awake staring at the ceiling until she no longer felt like an idiot for throwing herself out there to a guy who didn’t see her in the same light that she saw him.

Lucien called her name until she was so far away that she could no longer hear his broken voice.

Mor had picked up Cassian in her Volkswagen, and they had dropped Alana off with Reina, Rhysand’s mother.

“Okay,” Mor said, as she pulled out of the Lunasa’s driveway and headed toward the school. “Answers. Now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Cut the bullshit,” she rolled her eyes. “Your sister called me this morning and asked me why you weren’t taking Nesta to the dance. Nesta, who was at your house. Nesta, who was in your bed, wearing your clothes. Nesta, who is in charge of you in detention –“

“Okay, okay!” He interrupted, rolling up the sleeves of his crimson button-down. “You can stop. Remind me to hide my phone from Lana.”

“No, I should be reminding you to make better choices.”

“She’s only a year older than me. And she’s different, Mor. She’s not…..Never mind.”

Cassian was frustrated. She wouldn’t understand. She wouldn’t get it. People saw Nesta in a certain light, but it was all just a show on her part. A defense mechanism. She would rather people hate her or feel nothing than feel anything remotely human toward her. 

“No, continue,” Mor ordered. “Because you are walking dangerous territory and I want to know why.”

Cassian looked out the window, at the cloudless sky they were driving under. The weather was perfect, the sun shining, the temperature warm but not too hot. Autumn had reached Velaris. Soon, the leaves would be changing colors and falling to the ground. It was Cassian’s favorite time of year.

“Are you listening to me?” she snapped.

“Yup,” he said. “And I am choosing not to answer.”

“You’re a pain in the ass.”

“So are you.”

They fell into a silence that made Cassian’s head pound. They had known each other for a long time, and although they used to date, in what seemed like a different lifetime, Cassian knew she wasn’t speaking from jealousy. Worry, maybe, but not jealousy.

“She makes me feel better than I am,” he said, at last. “Not because she sees me for better, but because she doesn’t care about my faults. She’s seen everything I have to offer, Mor, and she still looks at me like….” Mor waited, her lips thin, as he grasped for the word. “Like I’m an actual person, not a poor kid with no money, no family, and nothing to show for my life.”

All the tension in Mor’s features faded as she stopped at a red light and looked at him, pensively. “Is that how you see yourself?”

Cassian shrugged. “Some days.”

“Why?” she asked, quietly, as she began to drive again.

Cassian ran a hand through his lose hair. “My mom may as well be dead, so I won’t even go there. My dad left before I could memorize his face. I’ve taken care of my sister since I was thirteen and I’ve done a shit job at that. Shit, Mor, she’s swearing and telling people that I’m up all night kissing women, for the Mother’s sake. She has no idea what it’s like to have a real family. She has no idea what it’s like to sit down with her family and eat a proper dinner. She has no idea –“

He stopped himself. Partly because he could go on and on for hours about how he had done that little girl wrong, and partly because his voice was breaking.

Mor reached across the middle seat of her ancient Volkswagen and put her hand on top of his. “Your mother is shit. So is your father. But Alana looks at you, Cass, and sees the world. She sees the boy who had to become a man when he was still a child and raise her, and she loves you more than anyone else in the world. She doesn’t look at you and see everything she does not have, Cass. She looks at you and sees a good life with a brother who would do anything for her. She is smart, and kind, and confident, and she is that way because of you. So, you can say your parents are shit, because I agree. But, you can’t say that you’ve done a shit job at raising Alana, because you have done an amazing job.”

He nodded, still looking out the window, and tightened his hand on hers.

Then, Mor said, “As for Nesta…..is she worth it? The hiding? The risk? She could get fired, Cass. And it’s not like people look favorably upon students who sleep with faculty. What if it got around to the schools you’ve applied for? The scouts?” 

Cassian looked at her then, as they pulled into the school parking lot, and intertwined his fingers with hers. “Yeah, she is.”

Mor shook her head, a small smile forming on her lips. “You love her.”

“No one said anything about love.”

“You do, though,” she chuckled. “Out of all the people in the world, you fall for the ice queen of detention. Just be careful, okay?”

Cassian said nothing, but he couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across face.

Because there was a lot of things he could be with Nesta Archeron, and careful was not one of them.

Homecoming was in full swing when Azriel and Elain walked into the gymnasium.

Streamers were hung, in blue and black and gold, and there were way too many balloons for Azriel’s taste.

Elain was nervous, he could tell, but nowhere near as nervous as he was. The last time he had dated anyone was Ianthe, if that could even be considered dating. It was more like a one night stand, one that he tried to dwell on as little as possible, although he had a baby with the woman.

He glanced at Elain as he held out his arm, and she humbly took it.

He wondered what she would think when she found out he was a father and how he was going to tell her the news. 

“Are you having fun?” he asked, then wasn’t sure why. They had just gotten there, and the ride was awkward as hell.

But, she nodded, smiling gently. “Of course, I am. Want to dance?”

Azriel cursed inwardly. He sucked at dancing. Maybe it wasn’t even that he was bad at it, but that he hated it in general. It made him feel uncomfortable. “Sure.”

They walked into the crowd of students, and Azriel figured that there were so many people, maybe he would even look impressive in the midst of them.

He was wrong.

“I’m sorry,” he shouted, five minutes later, above the fast-paced music. “I’m horrible at this!”

She giggled, and moved closer to him. “I think you’re doing great!”

Elain brushed her fingers along his arm making his stomach do something he couldn’t quite comprehend. “I’m really glad you asked me!”

“I was terrified as shit!” he shouted back, realizing he was on a roll with saying pathetic, ridiculous things.

“What?” she yelled. “I can’t hear you!” 

“Never mind!” He quietly thanked the loud music for erasing his last statement. “You look beautiful!”

The song ended as soon as he spoke, and the crowd around him turned to look as his ears turned pink.

Elain bit her bottom lip as she smiled, then replied in her normal voice, “Thank you. You like quite handsome yourself.”

“Thanks,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, I’m really nervous. I don’t do this often.”

“Dance?”

“Well, yeah. Dance, and ask beautiful girls to said dance. Not just any beautiful girl, either.” He stopped before he could say something stupid, and held out his hand as a slow song began.

She gladly accepted it.

He pulled her close to his body, but not so close that she would feel uncomfortable. He pulled her close, but kept her at a healthy distance. He thought. He hoped.

He cleared his throat, his chin almost touching her forehead. “Is this okay?”

“Perfect.”

“Okay.”

The song played quietly as they swayed back and forth, Azriel’s hands on her hips. Her fingers were brushing his neck, right above his collar, gently. He was sure he was going to mess it up. He didn’t know how, but things were simply going too perfectly.

She laid her head on his shoulder and he stopped for a moment from utter surprise.

She noticed, and giggled as his hands tightened around her waist.

It was going to be a good night.

Mor and Cassian were slow dancing when she caught Andi’s eye.

She was standing with a group of friends, and waved at Mor, mouthing, You look beautiful.

Mor grinned, swinging Cassian around so that his back was to her. Thank you. You too.

“Who the hell are you talking to?” Cassian muttered into her ear. “If you’re seeing people who aren’t really there, we should really get you some help.”

Mor rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

Cassian peeked over his shoulder to sneak a peek of her conversationalist, and she stomped on his toe. Cassian, in typical Cassian fashion, cursed obscenely.

“Sorry, I’m a bad dancer.”

“Mor, you took dance for ten years, you are not a bad dancer.”

Mor looked at him pointedly, and he stared back in the same way.

“You’re acting weird,” he continued.

The tension faded from Mor’s shoulders, and she swung Cassian around so that her back was to Andromache and her friends.

Cassian blinked. “Who the hell am I supposed to be looking at?”

“White dress. One o’clock.”

Cassian blinked, again. “Andi?”

“Yes.”

“You were talking to Andi?”

“Yes.”

“Flirting? You were flirting with Andi?”

“Yes.”

Cassian looked down at her then and flicked back her hair, which Mor reached up and quickly brought back over her shoulder. “Shit, I knew I saw a hickey earlier.”

“Will you keep your voice down?” Mor hissed, making sure her hair was put back the way it was, continuing to sway back and forth with Cassian as memories from the night before flew though her mind.

Her and Andi, sitting by the bank of the river, kissing until her lips turned red and puffy. 

Cassian grinned. “You and Andromache. You two are, like, a thing, then?”

Mor shrugged, looking away from him. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess, we are.”

“Does she make you happy?” he asked, genuinely curious.

Mor arched a brow, looking back up at him. “Huh?”

“Andi. When you’re together. Does she make you happy?”

Mor smiled, sadly. “Yeah, she does.”

“Then why do you look like you’re about to cry?” Cassian asked, into her ear. To anyone else, it would have just looked like a romantic  gesture between a couple. He placed his hand just above the small of her back - a hand of safety, of comfort. “Does she treat you right?”

“Of course,” Mor laughed. “It’s Andi. She’s, like, known as one of the nicest people in the school.”

“Yeah,” Cassian agreed, “but people like Eris, too.”

Mor nodded. He had a right to be concerned. She knew he would be, too, no matter who she started dating after her relationship with Eris had ended.

Dating. She was dating Andromache.

“She’s amazing,” was all Mor said.

Cassian smiled, and she could feel it forming on his lips as they brushed along the top of her ear. “Then what the hell are you doing here with me?”

“You asked me.”

“So? Rejection is good for my ego.”

Mor chuckled. “I guess.”

But what would people think? Would they care? What if they did? Gods, Mor, why does it matter?

As if he could sense her thoughts, and he probably could judging from how long they had known each other, he said, “Your friends are all that matter, Morrigan. And we just want you to be happy, and find someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated. We don’t give a damn who it is.” 

Mor knew it was ridiculous, but her eyes began to swell up with tears. “Cass –“

“I’m gonna go,” he said over the music, leaning back. “I want you to enjoy your night, Mor. Go be with who you want to be with.”

Mor’s eyes widened. “No! Stay!”

He stopped, looked at Andromache, then back to her. “Not ready?”

Not ready for them to find out? Not ready for everyone to know? But that wasn’t really fair to Andi, to keep her hidden. It wasn’t fair to herself, either.

“No, it’s not that,” she said, and she almost felt confident about it. “I came with you. I want to finish the night with you.”

“It’s okay,” he smiled, and she knew he meant it. “I’ve got a headache, anyway.”

It was a lie, and a weak excuse. When Cassian lied, he always averted his eyes.

Mor shook her head.  “You’re a sucky liar.”

“But a good friend.”

Mor laughed, and fell into his chest, tightening her arms around his waist. “Yes, a very good friend.”

“If you’re not ready, though….I get it. I’ll stay. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you to take a step you’re not ready to take,” he said, in all seriousness, tightening his own arms around her shoulders. “But I know who you would rather share the night with, Mor. I want you to be happy.”

Mor took a minute to think about it as they swayed back and forth to the music. “A headache?”

“Yeah,” Cassian sighed, dramatically. “It’s horrible. It’s all in my eyes….and stuff.”

“If you want to stay –“

“I’ve got other plans. Don’t worry about me.”

“Nesta?”

He gave her a knowing look, but said nothing.

Mor smiled. “Make good choices.”

“Yeah, you too,” Cassian laughed, then took Mor’s hand and walked her to the sidelines.

He stopped by Andromache, and let go of her hand, then winked at Andromache before finding his way out of the gym, hands in his pockets.

“Hi,” Mor said to Andromache.

She looked from Mor, to where Cassian had just walked out, then back to Mor. “What just happened?”

Mor shrugged. “I’m ready to be happy.”

Andromache grinned and reached for her hand. Mor intertwined her fingers with Andi’s.

And for a moment, Mor felt free.

Suddenly, the music abruptly came to a stop.

When Mor turned around toward the DJ booth, the DJ was no longer operating the laptop.

A girl stood there, a girl who Mor hadn’t seen since she had graduated the year before. A girl who she knew a certain someone there wouldn’t want to see.

“Excuse me,” she said into the mic, her long, blonde hair in perfect curls. There was a slight slur to her voice, and Mor concluded there was a solid amount of alcohol running through her system.

“Who is that?” Andromache asked.

Mor shuddered as she replied, “Ianthe.”

Ianthe grinned, her eyes set in the middle the gym. Mor followed her line of vision, and landed directly on a pale-faced Azriel, and a confused Elain.

With clear confidence, and a wicked grin, Ianthe said into the mic, “I’m looking for the father of my child. Have you seen him?”

Silence filled the gym just as Mor said, “Oh, fuck.”

Mor had driven Cassian to the dance, so once he had left, he was walking.

He’d texted Nesta the moment he left the gym, and now that he was under the night sky stars of Velaris, he felt unstoppable.

He was going to find her, and grab her face, and kiss her mouth, and tell her endless beautiful words until morning came.

He was falling in love with her, and the thought was equally terrifying and wonderful.

But she found him first.

A car slowed down on the road beside him, and a window rolled down.

Nesta smiled from behind the wheel.

He loved it when she smiled. She didn’t do it enough.

“Need a ride?” she asked.

He grinned. “That’d be great.”

[theladyofdeath]

Friday Night Lights {ACOTAR}

Chapter 14

Summary: Inspired by the series Friday Night Lights. In a town that is obsessed with football, a group of teenagers are glorified for what they bring to the field. But what the people of Velaris don’t realize is that there is a lot more to life than football, and it’s not always pretty.

Revolves around Cassian, Nesta, Elain, Lucien, Azriel, Morrigan, Amren, Feyre, and Rhysand.

*Warning: This fic deals with sensitive material.

*Note: A chapter will be posted every Sunday & Wednesday.

Click here for previous chapters.

Author’s Note: I want you all so desperately to know that I read all your comments and they make me feel so loved and wonderful and perfect and good. <3 Thank you!

This chapter is kind of short. It’s preparing us for the next few chapters, which are both quite long!

Enjoy.

Azriel took Declan to the mall around ten, once he had inhaled enough caffeine to make his feet move quickly enough to get them both ready and out the door.

The baby was asleep when Azriel put him into his stroller and rolled him into the building. He didn’t even stir as Azriel found a store that he supposed was good enough for homecoming dance apparel, and waltzed right in.

“Can I help you find anything?” the salesclerk behind the counter asked.

Azriel politely declined and found his way to the back of the store, where their formal wear was.

He hated dressing up.

He felt ridiculous, even though he was told he pulled it off quite well. Still, he felt more like a child playing dress up than a confident man about to take a woman on a date.

Sighing, he sorted through the racks.

They all looked the same to him, even though some were in different colors and patterns. He guessed it was more about the fit, but he wasn’t about to try a bunch on, especially having Declan with him. He would be up and wanting a bottle soon.

He’d had it. He pushed Declan’s stroller over to a table of folded shirts, picked out a royal blue button down, grabbed a pair of black dress pants in his size off a random rack, and headed toward the checkout counter.

Maybe he should have asked the salesclerk for help.

“Is this all for you?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I guess it is.”

Shoes. Did he need shoes? What qualified as acceptable shoes? He’d gone to the dance last year, but he had just gone with his friends – he wore sneakers, for the mother’s sake.

Azriel began to wonder how high Elain’s standards were.

“Uh, where is the nearest shoe store?”

“Azriel?”

Azriel turned around just as the salesclerk was answering his question, not that he had heard her reply, and froze.

“Hey,” he said, unnervingly, as Rhysand approached him.

“Last minute shopping, I see,” Rhysand said, but his eyes were on the stroller.

Azriel just nodded.

Rhysand peeked into the stroller and tilted his head at Declan. When his eyes met Azriel’s again, he asked, “Who is this baby and why does he look like you?”

Azriel knew this day was coming. He knew it, and he pushed it off long enough. For so long, he had hid Declan. At first, for his safety and protection. Then, because he felt like he had waited so long that his friends would be mad at him when the news finally came out. He could lie, and say that it had just happened, but Azriel had never been good at lying. It wasn’t him.

He sighed, and asked, “Free for lunch?”

Rhysand looked at his watch. “A little early for lunch. Brunch?”

Azriel blinked. “Did….you just ask me to brunch?”

“Depends,” Rhysand said. “Is that your kid? Is he the reason you’ve been MIA?”

Azriel opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “Brunch works.”

“Alis, you don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do,” she said. “Now, show me what you have on.”

Feyre took a deep breath and opened the door of her dressing room. She was wearing a floor-length black gown that hugged her hips. “I don’t know about this one.”

Alis smiled. “I think it looks beautiful. But, if it’s not the one, it’s not the one. I bet the red one will suit you. Elain? How’s it going with you?”

“I didn’t like the last one,” she called from within her room. “Trying on another!”

“You don’t have to do this,” Feyre said again.

“It’s true,” Elain commented, peeking her head out of her door. “You really don’t. Please don’t feel obligated. We could go to the thrift –“

“No,” Alis scorned. “Every girl deserves to be taken to get a new dress for a dance. This is important. You both have dates and an exciting night ahead of you. You are both picking out a dress, and I am more than happy to get them for you. After this, we are going to get our nails done, and there will be no complaining.”

Feyre chuckled. “Okay. Fine. You win.”

“You’re the best, Alis,” Elain smiled. “Truly. This means so much.”

“It’s what your mom would have done if she were here,” Alis smiled, gently.

Elain hid herself in her dressing room before she could cry, but Feyre simply gave her a smile before finding her way back into her own.

Alis was kind. Their situation may not have been ideal – at least, it may not have started out that way – but Feyre was growing more and more thankful by the day.

Alis didn’t have to do anything of the things she did for them. And yet, she did them, without any hesitation.

Feyre observed the red dress that Alis had suggested and fingered the silky fabric before slipping off the black one.

Rhysand would be picking her up in a matter of hours.

Feyre had never been pampered, had never even know what it was like to get her nails done, or pick out a new formal gown. She already felt like royalty, and Rhysand wasn’t even in the picture yet.

She wondered what he would be wearing, what he would say once she opened the door. She wondered what she should be wearing underneath her dress, or if it even mattered.

She wanted it to matter.

But the thought also terrified her.

They’d gotten close the night before, as they parked his car by the Sidra at a ridiculous hour in the morning. She couldn’t stop her hands from wandering over his body, and he couldn’t stop his mouth from exploring hers.

She wanted it, then. She was ready for him, and for once she could confidently say that it was more than just lust.

She loved Rhysand.

And she wanted to tell him as much.

“Feyre?” Alis called. “Doing okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” Feyre cleared her throat. “Be out in a minute.”

And when she slipped on the dress, she realized that Alis had been right.

It was perfect.

It was the one.

“Can we go to the park? When am I going over to Reina’s? Can we go to the park? Cass, I’m staaaarving. Can we go to the park?”

Cassian groaned, pulling his comforter over his head. He was exhausted. The night before had been too much.

Nesta had left a few hours before, kissing him goodbye before making the trek back to her own house. She was going to come back over that night, after the dance, and Cassian was counting down the hours.

“Cass,” Alana whined. “If you don’t wake up, I’m going to scream.”

“You’re probably going to scream anyways,” Cassian mumbled.

“Were you up late kissing Nesta?”

Cassian peeked out from under his pillow. “What? How do you know about that? You shouldn’t be asking questions like that.”

Alana rolled her eyes. “I’m five. I’m not stupid.”

Cassian, begrudgingly, laughed. “No, I was not up all night kissing Nesta.”

“She’s nice,” Alana said. “I like her. You should keep her. Don’t do something stupid.”

Cassian raised his brows. “I don’t do stupid things.”

Alana snorted. “If you say so. Anyway, back to my day. I called Mor this morning. She said she’s excited to go to the dance with you. I asked her why you weren’t going with your new girlfriend.”

Cassian cursed. “You asked her what?”

Alana shrugged. “Why you weren’t going to the dance with Nesta. She said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Why didn’t she know?”

Cassian took a minute to choose his words wisely. “It’s….complicated. I really wish you wouldn’t use my phone without my permission and supervision.”

Now he had to explain things to Mor. Dear gods.

“Why? Are you keeping secrets?” Alana gasped. “That’s naughty –“

“No, I’m not keeping….” Cassian trailed off as he rubbed his temples. “Just, this….Nesta and I…..We can’t….People can’t know about us. That we’re dating.”

“Why not?”

“Because.”

“That’s a shitty reason.”

“Don’t swear,” Cassian ordered.

“You swear all the time,” Alana shot back.

The two stared at one another as the seconds flew by. Cassian was always the first to break. “Go get dressed and find your hairbrush. We’ll go get lunch, and I’ll take you to the park.”

“Yay!” She shouted, jumping on his bed until her feet were on the floor, stomping across the hardwood into her bedroom.

Cassian didn’t know what their future held.

But he knew that little girl would do great things in her lifetime.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

Azriel shrugged, and looked at Declan. “I’m not ashamed of him, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Rhysand didn’t blink. He simply took a sip of his water before asking, “Then help me understand. Az, we’ve known each other since we were kids. We all have. We’re like family, at least that’s what I thought –“

“We are –“

“Then why would you keep something like this from us? Did you not think we’d be happy for you? Did you not think we would help in any way we can?”

Azriel shook his head. “No, it’s not that…I just – his mom –“

All of Rhysand’s frustration seemed to evaporate as Azriel trailed off. “Are you ever going to tell me who she is?”

A tense moment passed.

“Ianthe,” he stated, quietly.

Rhysand almost dropped his glass. “Shit, Azriel. When? How? Well, I know how….When?”

“A little over a year ago. Just before school started Junior year. I was drunk……I don’t know. It only happened once.”

“And you never questioned her? That you were the father?”

Azriel gave him a pointed look as he gestured toward Declan. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

It was true. Declan was practically a spitting image of his father.

Rhysand, speechless, just shook his head. “I just…..I wish you had told us.”

“I know,” Azriel said. “I didn’t know how. I’m sorry.”

Rhysand took a deep breath, and raked a hand through his hair as he watched Declan sleep peacefully. “I’m proud of you, Az. You seem like a great dad.”

Azriel tried to smile, but failed.

“What’s wrong?” Rhysand asked.

“Ianthe is back. She was at the game the other night.”

“That’s why you left.”

He nodded. “I was afraid she was looking for him. She can’t find him, Rhys. If she does, everything I’ve done to protect him goes to shit.”

Something like pain flashed through Rhysand’s eyes. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Azriel thanked him, but he felt ashamed. A secret. Declan didn’t deserve to be a secret. But, how else was he going to keep him safe?

Elain felt like a princess.

She had picked out a turquoise and blush floral floor length gown that hugged her waist and made her breasts look a cup size bigger than they actually were.

Nesta was sitting on her bed, her camera in hand. “Okay, you two, get together, we need a picture.”

Feyre rolled her eyes, looking radiant even as she did so. Her golden-brown hair was down, straight, and hanging low across her thigh-length red gown.

Elain made sure her braided up-do, a creation of Nesta’s, was still holding up before putting her arm around Feyre’s waist, and smiling.

“There,” Nesta announced. “Perfect. You both look so beautiful.”

Elain felt a slight pang of guilt. Nesta had never had this opportunity. She was younger than the rest of her class, sure, but she still deserved the chance to feel the way she and Feyre did.

“Have fun. Make good choices,” Nesta said. “And by make good choices I mean –“

“We get it,” Feyre said, and Elain noticed she was blushing.

“Oh my god,” Elain whispered. “Are you and Rhysand going to –“

“No. Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe. Probably not. I don’t know.”

Elain squealed as Nesta’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t. Unless you’re absolutely sure, and you’re absolutely ready….Don’t.”

But Elain already knew how Feyre felt about Rhysand. And Rhysand treated her with respect and love. He was it. He was the one.

“Noted,” Feyre mumbled, her cheeks reddening further.

The doorbell rang, sending Feyre running toward the door, and Elain and Nesta following quickly behind.

“Keep an eye on her,” Nesta mumbled. “I don’t trust her.”

Elain just rolled her eyes.

“Elain?”

She stopped in the hallway, and turned toward her older sister to see something serious in her gray-blue eyes: worry.

“If you need anything tonight, please call me,” she said. “I can be there in five minutes.”

She gave her sister a hug, then looked her in the eye once she had pulled back. “I will. I promise. But try not to worry, okay? It’s just a dance.”

Nesta nodded, but didn’t look too convinced as Elain hurried to the front door and prepared to see her date.

Ianthe looked at herself in the mirror one final time.

Her black dress was perfect, another tool that could be used to her advantage. She knew Azriel would be there, knew he would probably be with someone else. She didn’t care, though.

She had a plan.

And what Ianthe wanted, Ianthe got.