#just like. fuck man. Google chrome used to be kinda ok too

[agent-oo-z]

I think it should be illegal to make websites that only work on google chrome. The number of times I have had issues with a website and someone has told me to “just download chrome” as if chrome isn’t slowly going to shit and also scraping all my data. I’m sorry but if you want me to interact with your service I shouldn’t have to seek my digital soul to the demon formerly known as Google

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #292

“dear god, let’s make this fucking clear: dear god, there’s nothing that i fear”

What internet browser do you use? Chrome. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) Mom just grabs the Great Value jugs. Do you have a job? No. Are you full-time or part-time? N/A Are you watching TV right now? No. Or are you listening to music? Yeah, "Mr. Crowley" by Ozzy. Such a great song. Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? No. I would NOT survive in jail. When's your birthday? February 5th. I cannot fucking believe I'm almost 25. Thoughts on kids? Too impressionable for me. Even with my niece and nephew, I feel like every single word I say just like... stamps into their brains, and what if I say something that negatively affects them? I feel like it's my responsibility as an aunt to be a fountain of wisdom when I'm definitely not. I just get nervous around kids. Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents? I wouldn't call it a "punishment," but when I skinned the everliving fuck out of my knees and Mom was patching me up while I was just sobbing away, my dad literally roared "SHUT UP!" from my parents' bedroom, and it's stuck with me forever. Honestly, I think it may be a root in my extreme fear of men yelling. Worst punishment from Mom, probably this time where she smacked the shit outta my arm as a kid and left a clear handprint for a while. Are you the type who is completely against abortion? Why? No, I am firmly pro-choice, despite being pro-life most of my life. I don't feel like writing a moral essay, but basically, I absolutely cannot agree with forcing a woman to carry a human they don't want for whatever reason for nine fucking months, endure one of the most traumatically painful things known to man, and then properly and adequately care for that child. That is such a huge fucking responsibility that should be forced upon *nobody*. "But adoption!" Yeah, go tell that to the thousands of children waiting on you. This is leaning on exactly what I said I wouldn't do, so moving along. Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? "I’ve read some books that were phenomenal, but I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that they 'changed my outlook on life'." <<<< This was Johnny Got His Gun for me. Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? No. What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered? I would fucking freak. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, but I honestly do want at least one, primarily with a deep black and then some nice grays and neutral colors. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yes. Are your nails always painted? Quite the opposite. What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? I honestly don't really decorate because I just don't have the motivation, but Halloween is the best. Were you popular in school? Nope. Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion? BANANAS, dark sodas (like Coke or Dr. Pepper), peanut butter can... It's hard for me to tell much now because I have chronic heartburn and am medicated for it. Works great, so I don't experience this much. Is there something you intend to buy in the near future? Yes. Once my tattoo is done (I'm setting the appointment the next time we leave the house, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), what I have left is going towards Venus' new terrarium. She really needs a 40 gallon. Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? I was the art kid, and family still insist I should be an artist. What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have? Omg, Roman has so many. He nuzzles me all the time, will collapse into my hand to pet him, he insists on being the little spoon at bedtime (no, really), he literally tries to groom me with his teeth, licks my face... He is just a doll. My little buddy for sure. Now onto Venus. She loves to chill next to me in bed or find a cozy place under the covers, and omgggg does she love to slither around the bed doing the periscope thing. So curious. What's the screensaver on your computer? I don't have one. What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I am WEAK for nice shoulderblades/muscular shoulders ok. What’s the sexiest thing about a girl? I am an ass bitch and I will not hesitate to admit it ayyyyyeeeee. Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021? Nobody. Who was the last person to send you a message on social media? My sister Misty. She's planning to surprise Mom (her stepmom, anyway) by showing up in a few weeks with her fiance and all her kids she's never met but desperately wants to. My mom is the only "real mom" she's ever had, and she just feels so bad that she has a by now teenage daughter (among three other younger ones) that has never met her "grandmother." It's just an expensive and long trip, but Misty's finally called it enough and is just driving down here with everyone. Mom is going to fucking sob. ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? Nice timing for this, since her fiercely anti-mask bullshit is all I can focus on about her lately... but there are good things about her. She truly is a very loving, passionate woman that, just like me, feels deeply and expresses it. What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown? Does grimacing count from a sudden bodily pain? Have you smiled at any point during the last hour? Yeah. I'm watching the VOD of Arin Hanson playing Kingdom Hearts 2 for charity, and he went on a total fucking laughing fit. His laugh is so precious, so I just couldn't stop grinning. What was the last thing you consulted Google for? Ensuring "grimace" was the right word for my former expression, even though I was pretty positive it was correct... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my English skills are degrading, particularly in spelling. It's concerning me. I was an English whiz my whole life up to now. My only guess is it's related to how godawful my memory is also declining. So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? No. When was the last time you were on a carousel? Probably not since I was a teenager being goofy with Jason or somebody. What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? I have a picture on my dA of a beautiful elephant walking RIGHT by its fence at the zoo. It was pretty amazing, considering just how incredibly immense their enclosure is. Have you ever played Halo? No, it's not my kinda game. Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine? Oh, I'm positive I've read sections while in waiting rooms of various places. When was the last time you had a pillow fight? I have no idea. Realistically it was probably w/ Jason since that sounds like some cute playfighting thing we'd do, but I don't remember a particular instance. Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: "Retail works. The horror stories my mom has on the daily is absolutely ridiculous. People can be so incredibly rude." <<<< I absolutely agree with this; what friends and strangers alike rant about is just depressing. Nobody, especially those working through a goddamn pandemic that's killing thousands, deserves the disrespect that comes their way. Have some goddamn decency and know half the issues you bring up to retail workers isn't even their damn fault. Ohhhh, I could rant about this. In your own words, define what the word sexy means. So you mean like, what I think is considered sexy, not just the general definition? If that's the case, uhhh. Self-confidence (but absolutely not arrogance) is very attractive to me as a bitch who lacks it entirely, as well as good manners, being outgoing, and just... charm. I don't quite know how to describe that "charm" other than I'm really drawn to people who are unique and happy with it and just seem to have an aura about them that feels good to be in. What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live? I'm going to look at this question as if you're asking about my state and not general location because 1.) there ain't shit here and 2.) I'd prefer to keep relatively where I live quiet on the Internet. Looked it up and apparently NC's biggest tourist bait is the Biltmore Estate. Never been there myself, but it'd be pretty dope. Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? I'm in my own home and pjs, who the fuck wears underwear with that criteria lmao. Are you any good at volleyball? NOOOOOOOOO. I went to a volleyball camp thing once when I was younger and that shit hurts the hell outta your hands. I didn't stay long. Have you ever had a water balloon fight? Why of course. Do you think some babies are ugly? Quite honestly, probably most, especially newborns. Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I do; going there was one of the most exciting possible things to me as a kiddo. Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? Possibly. I mean they sure are pretty successful and well-known. Do you love stuff-crusted pizza? Eh, it's not my preference, but I'll eat it. Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No, but I really should, given how dry my skin is. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? I'd like to not think about this. Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Lol definitely not. I think at least one on my older channel hit 1k somehow???? It was a birthday gift I made for someone. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? lol I already have one there. At some point I'm getting it covered, though. Do you like Robert Frost poems? I do! Do you go to church every Sunday? I never do. Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year? No, I don't play that game. You want me or you don't, so I'm not wasting my time on your uncertainty or just our lack of stability for whatever reason. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Absolutely writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? ?????????????????? i don't?????????????? care???????????????? they're not my tits??????????????? What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I don't know. I avoid trying shit on like the plague. And then it ends up being too big/small. I wonder why. Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes? I've only ever fallen asleep naked once, and accidentally at that, so I really don't remember how I felt about it? Consciously though, I would feel very, very vulnerable so don't have plans to when I have my own place. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? HAHAHA Y'AAAAAALLLLLLL THIS WAS DEADASS THE ONLY LUCID DREAM I'VE EVER HAD LMAOOOOO Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? My short-term memory is absolutely atrocious, like to the point it seriously affects my ability to get shit done. You can give me something that needs to be done and I will forget in a heartbeat. Now, my long-term memory is astonishing. I can remember many things from my childhood in incredible detail. Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before? Did you need to have surgery for it? I've had a concussion or two. I can't remember which. I didn't need surgery. Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve? Yeah: chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, generalized anxiety, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, bipolar II, and I think that's it. My head's a mess and a half. What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? About to the small of my back; how it is now, which is pretty much shaved on the left and fades to near my chin on the right. I actually got it cut last month; we've gone to a family friend for years whose shop is just an extra building by her house and very rarely has more than two clients in it. We had masks on, of course. At what age did you start getting gray hairs, if you happen to have any? I don't have any. Somehow, given my stress level at all times, haha. What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it? It's too short to style. I don't use any products in it but obviously shampoo. Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? Probably my mom. I think she was in a rotten mood for one reason or another and just being snappy and generally rude. Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? We do; it's by choice, and it'd be immensely ignorant not to where we live considering it literally gets picked up with the other garbage. Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day? I've never tried carbonated water, and flavored water rarely works for me due to artificial sweeteners giving me beastly headaches. So I'll just take really cold, filtered water. Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? I had to call the ambulance for my mom right before her cancer was discovered because she was literally immobile and in ungodly pain. When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? At my old college, as the newspaper photographer, I took some artsy pics up there. I will probably forever worry that leaving school resulted in the biggest career opportunity slipping through my fingers through that newspaper. Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? I guess about the normal amount you'd see in the country. Some dangerous animals live here, sure, that's probably everywhere, but you very rarely see any. Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? For suicidal thoughts and one attempt, yes. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? Ahhhh, do I know those well. Thankfully, it's been a long time since I had an all-out panic attack. Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID? Nope. Well, besides being a vet, which I haven't wanted to be since I was a kid. Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? No. Because it's apparently a fuckin hoax or not as bad as the government wants us to think. Fucking cretins. Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial. Real ones aren't worth the money nor mess. What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn? Caramel corn. Do you drink oat milk? No, but I'm interested in at least trying it. The dairy industry is absolutely repulsive if you look into it, and I'd love to do what I can to take as little part in it as possible... even though I am a dairy fiend. I seriously wish I could go vegan, I am just WAY too picky for it. Do you love thrifting? Oh fuck yes. I've been very few times in my life, but I'mm all about it. Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? I do find it visually appealing; I like the flow of similar letter height. I never do it for "serious" things, but on places where it's "for the aesthetic," it's likely that's how I'll write something. Do you say “mood?” Way too much lmao. Do you own fairy lights? No, though I would like them if it wouldn't look stupid in my room. Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? ... I didn't know glass straws were a thing. I have a handful of metal ones though, but I always forget I have one in my purse when I go out... Have you made a TikTok? No. Do you own airpods? No. Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I don't believe in a planet's position or whatever having any effect on people. Do you make life choices based on astrology? Definitely not, considering I don't believe in it to begin with. How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Maybe like, five? Number of jeans in your closet: Zero. What accent do you have? Not really any, but sometimes I sound kinda southern with specific words. Do you have a big butt? Yo I got a Hank Hill ass, so no. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? In my past relationships, yes, I assigned our anniversary to memory. I don't really... know why, like it doesn't really matter how long you've been together, I just do. Have you graduated? From HS, yes. I dropped out of college three times lmao. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Ohhh, not sure. Maybe GaGa, but both ladies have songs I love. "Disturbia" doess beat all of her songs, tho. The fuckin BEAT. Do you use fake eyelashes? Never tried 'em. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What makeup brands do you use? I'm not loyal to any, really. I would be if I could afford expensive shit, but yeah, that ain't my life.

[orpheus-type-beat]

shrek

1. Before I came to college I had never moved before. When I woke up on my last day at home, I remember thinking that what was so uncanny was how normal of a day it was. I woke up in the same bed and got ready in the same way I always did. It was a completely normal day except that it was also the last day where this routine would be what I considered normal. Even when I went back home, I knew there would be a different idea of “normal.” It was a very uncanny feeling, knowing that what normal meant to me was about to completely change. 

This is also how I feel about watching Shrek.

2. Ew

3. Also what a cast tho

4. We’re starting in the 3rd act of beauty and the beast. 

5. This is maybe a commentary on late stage capitalism and maybe like weirdly the scalping of Native Americans? And like systemic genocide/internment camps? This is a high concept movie.

6. I get it, donkey’s singing is like a parody of Disney musicals and the unreality of breaking into song.

7. “Doesn’t that bother you?” “Nope”. Wow, true friendship

8. Where did the name Shrek come from? No one knows. They walked into work one day, and every whiteboard was erased except for one, with the name “SHREK” written on it in huge block letters. The security footage from that night was mysteriously corrupted. All attempts to erase that whiteboard since have failed.

9. Farquaad = Fuckwad in a Mike Myers accent. Cool

10. Also, Google Chrome autocorrected Farquaad for me, because that name is just part of the English language now.

11. Farquaad’s got an impressive chin. 

12. And commentary on waterboarding? George Bush doesn’t care about gingerbread people?

13. The Muffin Man thing was a good joke.

14. The Bachelorette thing is pretty funny too. 

15. She’s a female werewolf basically.

16. The compensating joke is also pretty good.

17. His castle is like the magic kingdom? I never knew that this is an interesting development. 

18. “Where is everybody?” Everybody’s at Universal because of Harry Potter land.

19. The thing about perfection is interesting. It’s like celebration / disney land all at once which is interesting. This is not the angle I was expecting. I was expecting a parody of Disney movies, not the theme parks.

20. The champion will have the “opportunity” to rescue the princess. We love corporate speak.

21. This soundtrack is pretty fire too. My favorite part so far.

22. This is also maybe about indigenous peoples land rights? (Editor's Note: not really)

23. “Ogre’s are like onions. They have layers.” It is so surreal to see the origin of this meme.

24. Haha the location. Property values. Curb appeal. I have watched too much HGTV. 

25. As someone with a fear of heights, that was rough. 

26. I know so many lines from this movie out of context wow.

27. “She’s inside, waiting for us to rescue her” “I was talking about the dragon, Shrek” We see you Donkey, ok. I know you and the dragon have kids I’ve seen the merchandising. 

28. Guys gender and femininity are a performance, as evidenced by the princess performing the damsel in distress role.

29. “You’ve had a lot of time to think about this haven’t you” 

30. Donkey, with Dragon, is a bottom, which is funny because he’s also an ass (see I can make edgy puns too Dreamworks)

31. Poor dragon just wants some love.

32. It’s super obvious that Shrek’s an ogre. How can she not know that. He has green skin. And looks like an ogre. It’s obvious.

33. “Take it off” 

34. “Measuring” == Farquaad’s short and has a small penis.

35. Fiona should lean into the assertive thing.

36. This takes place in the Minecraft universe, which is why Fiona puts a door on a cave to spend the night. 

37. Why Do We Build the Wall? To keep the fairy tale creatures out. The enemy is poverty.

38. Shrek has attachment issues (feel u bud).

39. Aww poor Shrek. There’s real pathos in this movie! 

40. Farquaad drinks martinis in bed. Just an observation

41. Donkey remains a bottom, and an ass. I’m just saying I called it.

42.  I prefer the fox Robin Hood.

43. Badass Fiona is way cooler than boring princess Fiona.

44. “Hold the phone” == PG “What the fuck”

45. Now Fiona is going to build a crafting table to make a healing potion.

46. Fiona and Shrek’s first alone moment occurs over an object that is inserted in Shrek’s butt. No other comment.

47.  Soundtrack remains fire af.

48. Donkey is third wheeling hard rn. He’s finna drunk text Dragon 

49. Aww she’s gonna visit him. Adorable. Farquaad is a side piece at best.

50. Shrek lost the courage because of a history of abuse. There is real pathos in this movie!!! 

51. Wake up and smell the pheromones haha

52. There is a lot you could do with a queer studies reading here, with both Shrek and Fiona. 

53. “This is not how a princess is meant to look” see (52)

54. Noo!! An overhearing misunderstanding plot that actually makes sense and isn’t totally stupid (still kinda stupid but).

55. The misunderstanding plot still actually works ok... wtf

56. It’s not like it has feelings ouch oof ouchie

57. He’s so short

58. Damn Hallelujah is used pretty perfectly.

59. “I used to live alone before I knew you” Did they write this movie around that line lol

60. Ooh that table fade transition between Shrek eating alone and Fiona eating alone is fantastic.

61. This last scene is basically the ending to the Princess Bride

62. The crowd laughing at him HURTS ouch

63. Wait Farquaad dies?? The dragon just eats him?? Wtf that’s pretty intense

64. Awwwww

65. The Monkees???? Great choice. Though why the cover lol. Is Eddie Murphy singing? That would make sense since Donkey’s been trying to have a musical number the whole movie and now finally does, confirming that this is a happy fairy tale despite the subversions.

67. This movie is about the way that monomythic fiction affects the way that we relate to other people, and ultimately hurts real connection. Huh. Not the theme I was expecting. 

68. I liked it.

[cerastes]

Ey, I want to ask how do you write so bombastic and confident like? I have absolutely no writing skills so I kinda want to emulate your writing style. Sorry if this question bothers you.

The question doesn’t bother me, and thank you very much! I appreciate the praise.

Now, first things first: My writing style is far from perfect. I make mistakes, and whenever I look at something I wrote, I think “damn it, I missed the perfect opportunity for this or that in this paragraph and it could’ve been GREAT and much better”. That doesn’t stop me from writing or enjoying writing. What am I trying to say with this? To write all “bombastic and confident like”, as you put it, it’s necessary to own up to your writing. 

If you confess to the person you like, do you tell them your bad aspects? Do you go “Please date me, I am unreliable, uninteresting, and plain, but I hope you’ll say yes”? That’s precisely how you don’t get dates. You present your good points, and you show how you fully believe in those good points. Writing is the same. Don’t be coy or shy, don’t be like “oh man this is not good aaaa please be kind guys”, no, you write something, you go with that to the ends of hell. You present it as something entertaining. It all starts with you: You need to believe every second of your narrative or it doesn’t work. I mean, if the author doesn’t believe it is interesting, why the hell would I bother reading it? The whole time you are writing, you KNOW and BELIEVE it is something good, and that you are doing your readers as big a favor as they are doing to you by reading it by letting them read it. You hit post, and then you say “you are welcome”.

That’s the single most important thing you need to know, regardless of whatever style of writing you decide to take or emulate. Artists need confidence, especially writers, or you straight up start with a hole in your foot and a smoking gun.

Now, about my particular style:

I preface this by saying that I’ve never taken a single creative writing class in my life, and my style is 100% self taught, with its major inspirations found in Robert Fisher and Ambrose Bierce. You can try to emulate it, but in the end, it should only be for the sake of developing one that will work for you.

I lean more towards skit-like dialogue and plot-focused dialogue more than actual realistic conversations in my narratives, BUT I urge people to master realistic small talk and realistic conversations, because that helps you so much behind the scenes. It lets you understand your characters in ways you had not considered before, and it allows you to write much richer reactions and behavior in your story proper. I also like to focus on the space occupied by the characters and how they move. No one stands still while talking or doing most things, so play with the environment surrounding the character, how their spacial context affects their actions, how they idly fiddle with their cuffs while they talk, etc. You’ll inevitably be like “hmmm how do I make this scene seem in character…”, and when I find myself in that situation, I imagine or write a small, brief conversation about a random topic I take from a randomizer in Google between the characters. Taking about anything unveils a lot about people and characters alike. Does Character A click their tongue when they are irritated? Does Character B tend to repeat one verb/noun a lot in their discourse? Does Character C have a limited language? All that kinda stuff.

Behind closed doors, do a SHITLOAD of purple prose. Utilize your vocabulary. Rip apart your own veins writing posh garbage. It’s a great way to expand your vocabulary and to realize what is ok to write, and what isn’t. Just like overly garnished plates of food, overly verbose literature is bad. Complexity =/= Good. 

So what does equal good? Entertainment, I believe. Whenever you are writing something comedic by nature, you are going for a punchline. You already know the punchline you are going for, and that usually does make us complacent. We end up railroading the whole thing towards this ONE thing, and that’s a pitfall. Have multiple happenings, throw multiple, smaller jokes, 

Now, from that idea, the same goes for anything outside of comedy, too: You want more than one thing going on at all times, and you ideally want a supporting cast to help you with that. Where most amateur literature fails, I believe, is that a lot of authors try to make their whole cast “main characters”, and that’s not a good way to go about it. Instead, I believe you have to make a designated main cast, and a designated support cast. From there, you write, and whenever it comes naturally, you give more narrative depth to someone from the support cast, less to someone in the main cast, and all around end up doing what feels natural. That way, you don’t spread yourself thin writing equally for 23 characters, and instead focus on the ones you love writing the most, or that your audience wants to see more of, or the ones that it just feels right for you, personally or plot-wise, to promote more or demote within the narrative.

The golden rule of writing, to me, is that your reader never thinks “I don’t care about what happens to these people”. Your reader MUST care about the happenings, and remain interested, at all times. Don’t cheapen your own narrative. Don’t make it predictable. Or make it predictable, and then betray those expectations, then make it predictable again, and this time, deliver it just as is, but throw in a twist, TRAIN your reader to not trust you. The less the reader trusts you, the wider the range of stuff you can try. Expectation is to be betrayed at all points, interest HAS to be active throughout the whole thing. This also implies resting points, where the narrative slows down a bit, but keep it fire, tense, at all times.

I believe in Show, Don’t Tell. Your readers are not idiots. Show things, and the readers will catch them. Catching foreshadowing that is written in between lines only to see it confirmed later is the greatest feeling in the world. Give your readers the greatest feeling in the world. I love it when I read authors that fool me, so I try to fool my readers.

Lastly, write things in a way that keeps the public engaged. Don’t just write “straight lines”, spice them up with engaging writing, say common things in uncommon ways that are just out there enough that they raise an eyebrow, but still topical and comprehensive enough that your reader says “haha, yeah!” and keeps reading. As for characters per se, I find giving each character their own speech quirks is both fun to write and to read. For example, from something I write currently:

Whenever I am going to write a scene with new characters, I make a small list of characteristics I want to convey with each character, how I envision them, and how my readers hopefully receive them.

Cultist: Inexperienced language, more or less machine guns words, she has an entertainer’s tongue and a curious demeanor, loves to add spectacle to even the simplest things, and intentionally annoys others or pushes their buttons for reactions. Not clueless, she knows exactly what she’s doing.

Mjyn: Prefers short lines, goes to the point, she plays the Cultist’s straight man. Focused on the task at hand, and doesn’t care for tomfoolery, but will allow herself to go along with it for just long enough before her patience grows thin.

Cultist: “Hmhmhm! You should know that, right here, in front of your very eyes, a professional flavorologist stands tall!”Lantern Salesman: “…? A what?”Cultist: “A flavorol–”Mjyn: “Chef.”Cultist: “Chef! Don’t be fooled by her chrome finish and the cannon arm, this girl right here knows how to cook a whole friggin’ feast! Were it not for her, I’d be an exciting corpse over yonder by that tundra, but she was making supper out of walrus fat! Walrus fat! Who the hell can make a full course meal with walrus fat you may ask? THIS. GIRL. She’s also known as the Fingers Of The Blue Sky, giver of the most delightful massages! Mmm, what would I do without my precious Mjyn!”Salesman: “That’s… Nice, I guess? Good for you? But why are you telling me all of this?”Mjyn: “We need the illegally obtained police sirens you currently hold in your left hand. So, my friend here was doing a sales pitch in order to negotiate with you”Salesman: “Ah, this? Well, I am not parting with it for a meal or a massage from an android. So, if you’ll excuse me…”Cultist: “Wait, wait, one second, geez, man, you on a hurry? Got the dame to please? The kids to feed? Haha, that’s a jape, I know, I know, you are unmarried. I can tell just by looking at your face. Anyways, here’s what I was trying to show you: Aside from having the skills that would make her a mainstay at any depraved home, my nice friend here has…”Cultist: *Lightly knocks Mjyn on the back of the head*Mjyn: *opens her right “eye” to reveal a gun barrel*Cultist: “This a hold up, bi–”Mjyn: “Oi.”Cultist: “…Sir! A no-obscenities hold up! Drop the fiddlesticking siren!”Salesman: “W-woah! Hey, now!”Mjyn:Cultist:Mjyn:Cultist: “…Bitch!”*Mjyn stomps on the Cultist’s foot*Cultist: “Fuck! O-oh, whoo–”*STOMP*Cultist: “Fudge! Ok, sorry! Habit!”Mjyn: “I really ought to have a word with whoever let your tongue be this loose. In any case, sir, this is indeed a hold up, now please pony up that siren or you’ll have to bear with the terrible, terrible sin of making a tired girl spend a very expensive eye round on someone whose funeral will probably be cheaper than said round. We are in quite a pickle without it, see?”Cultist: “…Gosh, M, you can’t just threaten people like that. Where’s the flair? You truly are an amateur, aren’t you? Foolish girl, yet so lucky, for I am willing to put up with you, eh? Sorry, sir, let us start from the beginning, we’ll do this right this time, ok~? Ahem… Hmhmhm! Right before you, yes, it’s her, the one you’ve been hearing about in isolated whispers! The famous flavorologiOUCH STOP STOP OK SORRY STOP HITTING ME SIR THE SIREN PLEASE SHE’S PISSED OFF”

I guess, to close this, is that I do think you gotta go over what you write and do a second writing, because you are bound to end up with weak segments in whatever it is you write. Transitional or exposition segments, mostly. Go over them and spice them up or summarize them even further. The less time you spend world building by telling the reader and the more time you spend doing that showing the world instead, the better. No one likes an info dump. Info dumps go on supplementary material.

[vodka-aunt-coran]

nah, no need to change my tag, friendo! I'm still fine with being the shalluratt anon. still, back on the topic of klunk: I saw you reblog that post about how hunk hasn't touched lance since the whole mind control debacle. so! mix up this hangst with the fact that hunk and keith have been have been getting closer along with a heaping helping of the 'mutual-crush-but-RIVAL' trainwreck that s2 Klance, and you got any klunk hcs for us? making us cry/giving us a happy ending both optional of course

(fun fact: i’ve finally realized that the “indent left” button for my docs app is the “go back” option for google chrome…so…just deleted a bunch of stuff and have to start over :’D also, this got longer than i expected sorry y’all)

oooh good catch on the hangst!! let me try my best….

bc hunk doesn’t feel comfortable touching lance, he takes it out on the rest of his teammates. it’s like the scene from yuri on ice where yuuri just runs around hugging everyone.

lance tries to tell him it’s fine, but realizes that it’s an issue hunk has to work through and reluctantly backs off

shiro, allura, and coran are confused but try their best to be comforting

pidge is mostly for it but has her limits

and then keith��keith heckign LOVES it. like he won’t really admit it out loud but sometimes he’ll seek out hunk and just sprawl across him like “sup dude”

which, you know. kinda bugs lance.

and at one point lance and hunk are hanging out, chilling, as bros do, and keith comes in and casually falls against hunk. and lance just. leaves.

hunk is really concerned and goes after him while keith is like “seriously”

bc to lance it’s like! he wants to be closer to keith and he misses being that close with hunk and it’s hitting all the wrong nerves to see them being close with each other!

lance tells hunk it’s nbd, but hunk can tell that it is, in fact, a bd and reassures lance that he’s still his best bro

lance smiles but doesn’t quite believe it

hm okay i know the next thing i want to do but i don’t know how to get there so consider this a segue point that hopefully i will remove before actually posting this

the issue with the three of them is that they are A Mess. because lance and hunk have had crushes before. but these crushes are like Instant Crushes? so the two of them don’t realize that their “haha bro you look gorgeous today lmao i’d totally marry you bro” is like…More Than Bros.

unfortunately, this rubs off on keith

keith: wait, you mean you…aren’t dating lance?hunk: ahaha no, but we basically are? but really we’re just close friends!keith: close friends do things that couples do?hunk: yeah totally!keith: oh cool i feel that way about you! :)hunk: aww same dude! :D

none of them catch the fact that they don’t feel that exact way about pidge

they are. A Mess.

the only pair that can tell it’s Obviously A Crush is klance, bc they didn’t have the friends phase. but they like!! won’t do anything about it!! bc CLEARLY the other one doesn’t feel the same way!! fortunately, hunk.

hunk is rly disheartened by the fact that the two of them don’t get along, so he more or less forces them into hanging out together lol

hunk: [practically carrying keith into lance’s room] let’s hang out here today!lance: hunk NOhunk, determined: hunk yes

it doesn’t rly work until keith (finally) notices that oh hey it’s weird that hunk doesn’t touch lance anymore

keith brings it up with hunk bc he’s like 80% sure that’s something lance would be bitter over and they end up talking about it

hunk discovers that keith?? gives surprisingly good advice??

i’m not a great writer, but the gist is that keith helps hunk remember that he’s in control of himself and promises that if hunk starts hurting anyone, keith will personally knock him out (he’s weird, but efficient, at being comforting)

so hunk starts being physically affectionate with lance again, and lance almost weeps with joy, and keith is like…unsure if he’s still allowed to…until hunk pulls him in like with The Hug from s1

after that, klance get along better bc lance doesn’t have a reason to be jealous and both realize that?? the other is really cool and nice with hunk?? and that causes them to start being cool and nice to each other

keith: oh man now i’m close friends with lance too! awesome!

help these boys

and honestly how i feel about klunk is that…they don’t actually start dating? it just slowly progresses until one day lance gives hunk a kiss like “bye babe” and it’s not weird until keith is like…can i do that too? and does. and hunk finally realizes Wait This Is Not A Bro Thing.

This Has Never Been A Bro Thing Oh My God What Have I Done

hunk brings it up with each of them like “hey…are we…dating?”

[imagine this part in a montage that switches between two scenes with every bullet point]

lance: what? no, of course not, we’re just really close bros who cuddle and sometimes kiss and want to spend the rest of our lives together wait.

keith: what’s the difference between being close friends and dating?hunk: i don’t know but i think we crossed that line a long time ago

lance: hold on, does that mean i’m sharing you with keith??hunk: i don’t know?? what do i even do in this situation??

keith: wait so does that mean i’m also dating lance?hunk: well, i…holy shit does it?keith: i don’t know a fucking thing my guy

hunk: hey lance…what if you…also dated keith?lance: WHAT THAT’S RIDICULOUShunk: why?lance: because!! !!! yeah!!hunk: bro,

hunk: would you like…want to date lance?keith: yes. i-i mean. maybe. it’s whatever, honestly.

hunk: ok lance what if keith wanted to date you too?lance: i mean, that’d never happen in like a billion years, like that’s super rid–hunk: BRO,lance: ok yes fine!! i’d totally date him!! but don’t tell him that. unless he wants to date me too.

basically hunk sets his boyfriends up with each other

honestly there’s not much different after they start formally, consciously dating? like allura and coran assumed they had been dating already. but they kiss more and are somehow even more disgustingly affectionate with pet names

lance: see you later sweetheart!hunk: love you honey!keith: bye, uh…sugar?lance: …we’ll work on it

and they all live happily ever after on a ranch the end