#just pretending i don’t have a real muse issue rn

[thatblondeperson]

If you’re going to retcon a character’s sexuality, especially if it interferes with the long-running love interest of said character, at least have the balls to show their changing relationship. If DC “officially” makes Tim bi or gay, I’m not going to care because they literally threw Stephanie away to make it happen. It won’t be expanding or developing his character, it’ll just be wasteful.

Here's the thing, I do agree with a lot of what's being said here but I also disagree with a few points.

I don't necessarily think that this is a retcon first and foremost. If Tim is bi, it doesn't at all negate his past attraction to women, nor any potential future attraction. Him discovering an attraction to men is just a new character development and not a retcon.

If Tim is gay, that's still not a retcon unless they completely dismiss any of his relationships with female characters. If those are negated and treated as if they shouldn't have happened, that's a retcon. But many real people experience sexual fluidity before they really discover who they are. I've had friends who considered themselves straight, then bi, then gay and it's not something that negates their previous preferences. Sexuality for some is a journey, and yes...Tim is fictional and this doesn't have the same implications as real world attraction, BUT, sexuality can have grey areas and that's OK.

I am waiting for the next issue to see if the breakup is explored and I hope it will be. I'm VERY upset that Steph is seemingly being cast aside right now. I'm holding out, but if they don't properly air out the breakup then that's going to piss me off to no end. I fully agree that mlm representation delivered on the back of misogyny is an issue that really needs to stop happening. Women don't need to suffer for mlm gain. I don't necessarily have to see them together in canon. It's NICE to have new content of them, but I joined this fandom when she didn't even exist so I am a patient person with a lot of love for old comics. But together or separate, Tim and Steph have a story that deserves to be told. She's one of the most important people in his life and I'm tired of DC trying to pretend that that's not the case every few years. She MATTERS. Fucking hell, she matters so hard.

I don't agree that any representation is wasteful. Tim is such an important and well known character and so many people, kids and adults alike, have related to him for years. This is a HUGE step that could change a lot for big name comics. Tim isn't just some side character that they're calling LGBT+, he's not a "5 seconds of screentime" Disney gay. He's a MAIN character. One who's had his own series, a 20 year one at that, one who is frequently featured in Batman comics alongside other titles, and one who is a household name for well read comic fans. This is big, and this is IMPORTANT. It will not be a waste for readers everywhere to see themselves represented by a comic frontrunner.

I understand people who will want to continue to ship TimSteph if Tim comes out as gay. A part of me will always want to as well and I may still do do in private but I likely will not create new public content for them. It just seems disrespectful. I'll have to gauge the general audience response over whatever comes next this year and idk...but a part of me would feel insanely wrong ignoring a canon gay character and making them straight for my own entertainment. Mind you, I could still consider him bi but it's just such a tricky situation and I'm having a very hard time dealing with it rn. This is all very selfish for me of course because yes, it's just because I don't want my sole artistic muses to be taken from me before I've finished all my WIPs. We shall see, anon. I want my ship to stay intact, but I'm also an adult and I will take my defeat like a champ if I have to.

[panharmonium]

I like good romantic pairings as much as anyone else but lbr viewing media solely thru the lens of “shipping” is rly reductive, so I appreciate ur view on romance not being a priority in merlin. Like, I’ve seen too many posts abt Merlin mocking Arthur at their first meeting w ppl saying things like “that is not a straight thing to say 👀” Guys. You’re missing the point, which is that Merlin is brave and cheeky and rn Arthur is a bully. It’s a good moment, but an obsession w shipping ruins it yk?

god, yes.  thank you.

i'm putting the rest of this under a cut just because i know for a lot of people the above kind of fandom experience is fun, and i'm not here to harsh anyone's vibe.  i'm glad that people are able to enjoy fandom in their own way, and me talking about my own preferences does not mean i think anyone else should change what they're doing.  i am comfortable curating my own fandom experience to suit my needs - @ everyone else, please continue to do your thing and have fun with it!

I’ve seen too many posts abt Merlin mocking Arthur at their first meeting w ppl saying things like “that is not a straight thing to say” 

YES.  this is my least favorite shipping-related trend ever.  

it's not just that scene.  it's every single moment in the show (and not just between merlin and arthur, either).  every possible interaction gets pulled out and twisted to be about how in love two characters must be, when the actual point is Clearly Not That, and it's exhausting.  i know other people find it fun, and i'm glad they're having fun, but for me, it's exhausting.

for a show where the main character canonically demonstrates virtually zero interest in romantic attachment, it's really...difficult for me sometimes to fully immerse myself in this fandom, because almost all of the fannish content is about shipping merlin with arthur.  and if you don't think arthur is good enough for merlin (valid lol), you ship him with gwaine, or somebody else who you think would treat him better.  merlin without a love interest - the merlin i know from canon - is so hard for me to find.  i don’t really see him anywhere.

(also, to clarify: the PEOPLE in this fandom are fantastic.  everyone I've encountered in my limited experience has been beyond lovely; and pretty much everyone I've met has always seemed totally warm and welcoming of various ships and opinions, which obviously isn't something you find in every fandom, so in that sense, my experience with the merlin fandom has been consistently awesome.  what i'm musing about now isn't individual shippers or their preferences; it's about the overarching content-related experience of being a non-shipper in a fandom where, content-wise, shipping is The Main Thing To Do.)

and of course, this isn't just a merlin fandom trend.  this is the way things have been done in every fandom i've ever been involved in.  every single interaction between two characters always ends up getting pulled out and viewed through a shipping lens, and suddenly everything about the characters as individuals is made to be about the relationship.  EVERYTHING.  things that very clearly have actual, non-romantic explanations get taken out of their context and framed as "they're in LOVE."

and again, as I said before - there's nothing inherently wrong with that, and if people have fun with it, good!  that's what fandom is for.  but it's not my jam, and it can be a bit frustrating sometimes, because a) it’s a reductive analysis, like you said, and b) as someone who is deeply invested in all the friendships on this show, i'm not sure what the institution of friendship is even supposed to look like in this fandom.  does it actually exist?  because a character can't do anything even remotely kind without immediately having it captioned "they're so in love" or "today in totally platonic things, winkwink nudgenudge"

like

what tiny smidgen of caring is small enough to fall under the category of friendship?  how cold and unfeeling do characters have to be with each other for their interactions to qualify as friendship?  literally everything that happens in merlin bbc is, in fact, a product of the love merlin feels for his friends, and nothing about that fact was ever difficult for me to believe while i was watching the show, but once i got out into the wider fandom, it was like that just wasn’t possible.  nobody would do these things for "just" friends.  nobody would be that gentle or caring or loving with "just" friends.  nobody would look at "just" friends like that.  nobody would grieve for “just” friends like that.

to borrow a phrase from one of george lucas's discussions about a different media issue - "i don't like that and i don't believe that."

nothing about that philosophy is interesting to me, or remotely realistic.  and i don’t necessarily think it’s what shipping as an institution is actively trying to communicate, but it is still what’s actually being said in those kind of *wink wink, nudge nudge* posts.

[it’s worth noting also that the *wink wink, nudge nudge*, “every little thing is romantic” lens only applies when people want it to.  i see a lot of the following two modes in the merlin fandom: when it comes to merlin/arthur, fanon interpretation of the show is twisted to make every single one of their interactions serve as evidence for an imaginary romance, but when it comes to arthur and gwen's actual, demonstrated romantic attraction for each other, fandom twists everything the opposite way.  i constantly see posts that are like "i think arthur and gwen loved each other, but they weren't IN love" - uh-huh.  ok.  convenient, that.  suddenly we’ve lost the ability to perceive romance in every single innocuous gesture?  apparently we can fabricate romance out of two people blinking at each other, but only when the relationship in question is a pretend pairing we wish was real.  otherwise, the canonical romance and all of its attendant acts of devotion just don’t register.]

and you know, it's whatever.  i've been involved in fandom long enough to know that this kind of shipping is just how things always go, and i’m happy enough keeping to my own area and trying to curate my fandom experience in a way that brings me the most enjoyment.  but i 100% feel you on ubiquitous shipping goggles being a difficult thing to constantly navigate.  

[tellywoodtrash]

khkt 31.08.19 lb

disclaimer: i quite dislike mahaepisodes. they're too long and stuffed with the drama of like 4 normal episodes, and thus are absolutely exhausting for me to watch at a go. i like my desi show episodes 22 minutes tops, thanks. so i'm kinda grumpy even before starting this.  

———————————————————————

sona it's nice of you to pay for the day for gita and all, but i still don't get how you just sent a person working on the show to some random house to go do decor there....

oh boy. mhatre murdered his sweet wife. god, i had hoped he'd never darken our doorway again.

so nethra just came in here with this terrible news for some "i told you so"-ing? kinda disturbing.

you know when someone's like "best part hai ki tumhara koi lena dena nahi hai........" that it's going to have hella lotsa lena dena with the person here.

lol nethra is a little too optimistic about the law and order in our country, no?

these police officers are not as imposing as they think they are.

i just realised that this is a fake book. coz first off, 10th standard has just one combined textbook for all the three sciences. secondly, majaaal hai jo ncert textbooks are this glossy and attractive and spur students to have even the sliiiiiiiiiightest urge to study from them. #cbseSurvivor #dontAsk #stillNotOverTheTrauma

dr. surgeon approves of efforts put in. dude, don't you know highlighting is the easiest way to waste time and make it look like you're studying when you’re not??? god he must have been one of those sach mein padhaai karne waala types.

DOST/DOCTOR/FAKE BOYFRIEND CAN IDENTIFY BAD MOOD. ASKSJADLAKS HONESTLY ROHIT.

lmaooooooooooo yeah right, mr. death is just a flat line to me. ek patient coma mein chali gayi and you can't handle it, baaaat karte ho.

OK YOU'RE TAKING YOUR FAKE BOYFRIEND DUTIES A LITTLE TOO SRSLY, MATE. THIS IS SOME REAL BOYFRIEND SHIT.

yaaaaaaaaaas, she asked him about raima. and he has some nonsense gyaan that he doesn't really believe. sir, you are simply having a good couple of days coz you're suppressing your real issues with this drama. please go to a real therapist, work on your issues, and genuinely move the fuck on.

her jamaofying rob on him. tooooooooo cute. i love it.

sona musing about what state their relationship will be in when they finish this drama and if they'll still be as close has me so surprised. she has the most sorted head on her shoulders i have ever seen on a character in tellywood. i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but she keeps pleasantly surprising me!!!!!!!!

idhar the sippy matriarchs are hellbent on acquiring sonakshi as bahu. whether she or rohit want it or not.

omfg. this one's screaming. we had a good few weeks without it and i'd forgotten how unpleasant it was.

this twit just wants the gossip on what sona di did ~this time~. god.

akash toh idhar bhi aa dhamka to snoop on decor. uncle, aapko aaj kal kaam pe nahi jaana kya?

at least he seems to like sona, which.... small mercies.

ughhhhhhhhhhh pariiiiiiii i hate you. you're such a troublemaker. also i know you're just using this as an excuse to call rohan. ugh ugh ugh UGH.

poor tanya. i feel such rage on her behalf, i swear to god.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THESE THREE ARE THE WORST. NOTHING GOOD COMES OF IT WHEN THEY COMBINE THEIR AWFULNESS.

lmaooooooooooooooooooooo rohan's lameass line didn't work on pari. i love it.

oh my god, i hate pari so much.

ok kuch zyaaaaaaada hi buildup.

still can't take this paplu-taplu cop duo seriously.

also this guy’s shoddy pagdi is annoying me. there was literally no need to make him a sikh if you ppl couldn’t do it right.

hahahahahahaha.

oh god ishqbaaaz trauma coming back. *clutches chest*

arre waah, nishi ko "tacky serial actress" ka decor pasand aa gaya?

lol ajit ko idhar kahin pe khada kar do. he's already in the floral theme.

i agree with rohit. it's all too fucking much.

wow nishi defending it to rohit!

i hope this level-headedness of hers comes up again in other situations re: sona too.

i mean, i don't love the look (i like her in simpler stuff like what she did for teejri, than so done up) but i am fully here for rohit's reaction!

haaye what a confidence boost!

snort.

vimmi ke liye toh tyohaar sonakshi ka bday hoga. (guess rohit will join in too from this year....)

lmao rohit pushing pesky little brother away, and him springing right back.

i honestly love ajit the most. cutest little bean ever.

"vimmiji, aapne agar ek baar aur PARVATIJI kaha, toh main aapko PARVATIJI ke yaahan kaam karne bhej doonga."

oh god, sona singing the shirali tune of everyone getting coordinated outfits and theme and all.

"real life mein log kapde repeat kar sakte hain!" and yet, we rarely see YOU in the same outfit more than once?

"jaisa hai tumhara hai." uh no thnx, apna defective maal iske matthe daalne ki koshish mat karo!

god i love these two together.

yeh kya bakwaas music hai????

ma'am, he's a doctor. who cuts into ppl. he needs to look..... not insane. can't have him looking like he's dressed by shirali.

ohhhhhhhhh boy.

he likes this music? really?

good. lord.

OH GOD I AM DYING OF MICHMICHIIIIIIII. OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES IDIOTSSSSSSS.

lmaoooooo, why is he covering his chest?!?!?!?!!

also, don’t think i didn’t see you sneak a look at the goods, sona. i mean, good for you, at least you know what you gotta work with.

nice legs, rohit.

arre sona, khareedne se pehle packaging kholke dekhna kitno ke naseeb mein hota hai? in your own words, “appreciate karne ke bajay kitkit kar rahe ho”????

"AUR KOI TOH NAHI HAI KAMRE MEIN?????" lmaooooooo

oh god.

hein? this ain't no coordinated colours? everyone wearing kuch bhi. there's no match between decor, outfits, each other.... god it's like i'm tripping on acid.

lol aa gaya na line pe.

but also, i'd make this face at pehla waala nazaara. but i realize sab meri tarah awwal number ke tharki nahi hai.

same, mom, same.

..... what is the point of akash's character, really???

fuckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

oh god. naach gaana. oh lordddddd. like a michmichi punch to my gut.

nononononononono, fwding.

cute.

look at this one basking, all smiley. YOU BEST NOT LET THIS GIRL GO, ROHIT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

OH THANK GOD IMAGINATION THA. PHEWWWWWWW.

i ship this sismance.

panditji se kyun pooch rahe ho? as if his opinion is the one you want rn.

6/10. snort. pehle toh 10/10 tha (esp. without the clothes) but this akad got you -4.

oh boy, who this loud punjabi woman?

lmao i fully relate with nishi.

yeah, nishi's phadda with her is justified.

abbe oh tum dono ke mooh mein dahi jam gayi hai kya? you gonna let her talk to nishi like that??? YK? PUT YO MOM ON A LEASH PLS.

yeah, nishi is 100% right. fuck this saas.

uh hi naren, you're the worst and seem to know nothing about women. this is why your son hates you.

oh boy, more naach gaana. whyyyyyyyyyy????????

lol sona underestimating sippy boys ka dance. sis you just saw one of them. maybe the others are good?

"bedroom mein toh mera dance dekh ke bohut mazza aaya tha....." ASKLDJFDSLKFJLDSKFJLDSKJFLKSDFJ

ROHIT MAY I REMIND YOU, YOU ARE PRETENDING!!!!!!!!! YOU REALLY NEED TO FUCKING STOP.

ohohohohoho challenge.

yk is like FUCK YEAH MY TIME HAS COME, MERE ANDAR KE KALAKAAAAAR KO MAUKA MIL RAHA HAI!!!!!!

abbbbbbe yaaaaaaaar, achche mood ka sayanaaaash karne yeh bhi aa gayi.

after that medical nonsense, i almost welcome the naach gaana.

also sona, there's exactly one doctor sippy boy here. you shoulda been more careful when issuing challenge. marketing types don't give a fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. builders and chefs toh are almost certainly on drugs.

yeah cute and all, but i'm fwding.

awwwwwwwwww yisssssssssssssssssssssss.

oh god, a perfect storm in a teacup situation brewing.

fuckkkkkkkkkk, look at them look at each other with those heart eyes.

ouff too much drama. this why i don't like mahaepisodes.

great. rohit getting called away to attend to raima. NOT GOOD NOT GOOD NOT GOOOOOOOD.

oh godddddddd, let her go, abhi ke abhi haar chadhaana hai aap logon ko???? rohit's not even here!!!

nishi's face. poor thing. this is not her evening.

yk's mom has her nazar on it. pls stay in your lane, aunty.

ok that's huge and tacky and what outfits will it even go with.

yeah i'd be quite hairaan-pareshaan too, if saddled with this monstrosity.

"CRITI HOME" lol what a dumb name.

there is more than just one person in the world in a coma, rohit.

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHITTTTTTTTTT.

nishi's evening is finally looking up. she needed this win, and frankly, i'm kinda glad she got it.

no no no no don't go to see the patient now, there's a critical case at home, go handle thaaaat.

oh god, yelling yelling, so much yelling.

ajit in the bg having oh shit oh shit oh shittttttt moment.

THANK GOD. THAAAAAAAANK GOD.

behen ab toh tu uth hi jaa.

pls god stop yelling. i can't take this shit.

this nishi's saas is also one hungry-for-drama types.

oh no. this is not good.

oh goddddddddddddddddd, suman pls.

lmao nishi.

bless tanya and pooja who look so upset.

and then there's this idiot, jiske thopde pe tharak ke alaava koi expression nahi aata.

oh daaaaaaaaaaaamn, suman rastogi, you are way more masterful than you look.

i'm back to feeling really bad for nishi again. poori family ke saamne bhaanda phod diya.

but also, do i see a little bit of respect in her eyes for suman and the way she played it?????

lol standard desi mom "tu ghar toh chal" warning.

oh god pair choone waala drama mat karo pls.

sigh. poor nishi.

itni jaldi waapas pohunch gaya? aaj nahi hai mumbai ki sadko pe traffic????

oh god shaadi tak baat pohunch gayi hai.

never been this glad to see the police appear.

ok cannot handle thisssssssssss level of drama with the music and closeups. it's grating on my nerves. i’ll need to sleep all of tomorrow to handle this exhaustion.

———————————————————————

kasme vaade toh bade kar rahe ho, but let's see how they hold up after raima wakes up.

oooooooooh i am very interested in this new dynamic!

oh thank god, rohit finally finds out about mhatre. i hope he'll tell nishi and she'll come over on to #teamSona

[shtbgs-blog]

GANGGANG, alright hi it’s tea and this is shitbags central aka your #1 station for all trash, all the time!!! I already have ( 7 ) fucking muses because I’m a whole ass mess of a person and I’m here for legit any plots I even have a plots tag that I started because.... I wanted to ANYWAY let me give you the rundown on my shitheads alright.

jesus fuckin christ this took way longer than anticipated and some have more information than others rn but i’mma make aesthetic posts for them all later tonight ok :///

DONALD “DON” O'CALLAHAN looks an awful lot like JUSTIN CHATWIN. HE is THIRTY and while they’re FLIRTATIOUS they have a tendency to be pretty UNFAITHFUL. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to ALONE by HALSEY FEAT. BIG SEAN & STEFFLON DON.

so... first things first... he’s in the mafia

but he makes it seem like his life is amazing and he’s some big important CEO ( wow am i the only one getting jimmy/steve vibes already? )

That’s probs because he’s heavily inspired by the character but he is not canon.

He’s FUN and EXCITING and literally brand new i don’t know shit about him besides how he’s gonna act

which is nice and sly and secretive and flirty aight

IMOGEN WARD looks an awful lot like MADELAINE PETSCH. SHE is TWENTY-TWO and while they’re REBELLIOUS, they have a tendency to get pretty CLUMSY. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to REPERCUSSIONS by BEA MILLER

Imogen was a twin sister but her sister died in a haunted house like technically three days ago but we’re gonna pretend like it wasn’t okay

Honestly, she’s loud and exciting most of the time. She’s kind, compassionate, cuddly, sweet and adventureous. It’s just like, too much though. She wilds the fuck out and is constantly go go going like she doesn’t want to stop

she smokes a lot of pot

and she was technically living in a college dorm with her sister but.... she is now officially a college drop out and living back at home

not that she’s ever there tbqfh

She’s got an ex boyfriend that makes her feel a lot of conflicting emotions and will make her REAL WEARY of active relationships because like, STUFF. IM NOT TALKIN BOUT THIS!!!!!!!!

anyway that’s imogen

JAMES  WILLIAMS looks an awful lot like MILO VENTIMIGLIA. HE is THIRTY-FIVE and while they’re FLEXIBLE, they have a tendency to get pretty AGGRESSIVE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to IROBOT by JON BELLION.

He Was Married to his highschool sweet heart but then one of his younger twin brothers (? does that make sense) died of an overdose and he sort of lost his mind

And the other twin is in and out of jail for drug related issues

He an alcoholic but he doesn’t fuck with drugs

and he’s actually a police officer

just your generic ass cop he wants to get a promotion but he doesn’t see it in his future

he’s nice but it’s VERY EASY to piss him off

MILO SHEPARD looks an awful lot like NICK JONAS. HE is TWENTY-FOUR and while they’re DISCREET,they have a tendency to get pretty RIGID. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to FLARE GUNS by QUINN XCII FEAT. CHELSEA CUTLER ALL THE KIDS ARE DEPRESSED by JEREMY ZUCKER

He’s a foster care social worker meaning he deals with kids who have real fuckin ruff lives okay

He was inspired to join this life because he himself was in foster care for a majority of his life and his case worker basically adopted him when he was fifteen

He’s dedicated his life to giving back like his adoptive father did for him

He has vague memories of his mother but he doesn’t remember much because last time he saw her he was 6

He is constantly busy with cases / children and there’s a strong chance you’ll find him at an ice cream shop with one of the kids he’s working with

oh and he 100% probably has nights where he just stays at the office and lets the kid sleep on his couch because he couldn’t find a foster home

which... u know, with a life this hectic u think he’s ever had any sort of relationship? ha, NO.

OPHELIA MONROE looks an awful lot like BILLIE LOURD. SHE is TWENTY-FIVE and while they’re FRIENDLY, they have a tendency to get pretty JUDGEY. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to THUNDER by IMAGINE DRAGONS

So originally I was gonna have her still living at home and working in a mom n pop shop

but since she’s twenty give I’m actually gonna progress her a little bit

She’s left home and now lives in a little bus that she transformed into her house

It’s literally one of the short yellow buses but painted white and black

She got a whole ass house in there a bed, a kitchen, a table

and her cat

And she’s in Kola just to kind of get out and see what the world is like maybe get a job and move out of her bus bc she’s been traveling the past two years it’s time to settle

She’s probably been here  maybe a few months

SHANE FRANCIS looks an awful lot like CARLSON YOUNG. SHE is TWENTY-TWO and while they’re ADVENTUROUS, they have a tendency to get pretty DISRUPTIVE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to BETTER DAYS by HEDLEY

OK SO SHANE comes from old money and like you can tell she wears designer and she’s kinda bratty sometimes

but she’s got a good heart like real life

okay no she doesn’t she can sometimes be real bitchy to strangers but the SECOND you get to really know her you know it’s all just a reflex to people trying to get to know her ig??

She loves to give back to charity / work with those less fortunate than her

Whenever she can, ( which is not a lot ) she breaks away from her parents and lives her life how she wants which means partying but, not always, they sort of have her on a tight leash because she has a reputation to uphold

( aka rich spoiled posh ) but Shane doesn’t like this life she wants her own life

WESLEY LLOYD looks an awful lot like AARON TAYLOR JOHNSON. HE is TWENTY-FIVE and while they’re HARD WORKING, they have a tendency to get pretty OBLIVIOUS.You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to I’M NOT FAMOUS by AJR.

ALRIGHT so this is, last but not least, Wes Lloyd

At 15 he left home to move in with his grandfather

while there he began rapping with his friends ( hoodie allen vc )

and life was honestly good he was getting good at music and had a girlfriend who he really thought he loved and he was happy

then his girlfriend left him

and his grandfather died

and he was twenty three and miserable

when his grandfather passed he left him a great deal of money and the house he had grown up in. Wes took this time to rebuild the home by hand because that’s what his grandfather would have wanted. 

During this time he still wrote music but it was sad ( front porch step vc )

Now two years later, the house is complete and he is living with his best friend in his big ass house and honestly his music career is taking off, especially with the happier, more up beat music he’s creating ( jon bellion vc )

He’s just here for a good time and he wants to LIVE his BEST LIFE

[trb-reacts]

The Raven Boys, Chapter 14

“When is Mom’s birthday?” Helen asked. Gansey was simultaneously pleased to hear her voice and annoyed to be bothered by something so trivial. For the most part, he and his sister got along well; Gansey siblings were a rare and complicated species, and they didn’t have to pretend to be something they weren’t around each other.

Umm, excuse you, Gansey. How dare you call your mom’s birthday trivial?? Also, I’m a little amused but glad to see that not all of my rich people stereotypes are coming up here. I expected all the siblings to be very cold with them *eyes at the Lynch brothers*, but that’s not the case and Gansey’s family seems pretty close with each other for most part? 

(Except for the dad, of course, who threatened to remove Gansey from inheriting anything if he gets below a B)

But, yeah, I’m just glad that there’s at least some healthy sibling relationships around here. 

“You’re the wedding planner,” Gansey said as a dog ripped out of nowhere. It barked furiously, trying to bite the Camaro��s tires.

Lol, I don’t know why with the way this is written, I’m beginning to think that Gansey’s car tires is made of rich people leather and that’s why the dog all of sudden just raised its head, went idk STEAK! and just ripped outta nowhere towards Gansey’s car tires. Also I’m amused because I just recall Gansey’s car is named the Pig, I think, which… makes sense why the dog is going after it?

Helen did not need to be anything. She didn’t have careers, she had hobbies that involved other people’s lives.

Oh, now that definitely sounds more like a rich person thing. She didn’t have careers, she had a fortune of old money to live off of. Oh wait, that’s not what it said? I think that’s just my bitterness towards these rich families coming out. Gee, how does Adam ever stand them?

Also, She didn’t have careers, she had hobbies that involved other people’s live, sounds like such a bored married housewife would nothing to do thing, like, uh, I have nothing to do ever since I don’t work, so let’s just gossip and try to backseat drive your life. 

In all honesty, I like Helen so far. The first thing she really called about is to ask about her mother’s birthday, which while shows that she does not remember, she at least cares?? And Gansey likes her, which is a nice vote of confidence in my book *just eyes at Ronan, my nonsecret fav in the book, and Adam, the sweetheart*. Yeah, so I don’t know why I’m kinda lowkey roasting her. I think I just don’t like too many hints of Old Money and Rich People, since I’m poor. 

A lab mix tied in front of the first house bayed dolorously as he passed. The other dog continued to worry at his tires, a snarl ascending with the engine note.

Why does it seem like there’s so many dogs in this neighborhood, though I do very much love dogs. 

Three kids in sleeveless shirts stood in one of the yards shooting milk jugs with BB guns; they shouted Hey, Hollywood! and affably aimed guns at the Pig’s tires. They pretended to hold phones by their ears. Gansey felt a peculiar stab at the three of them, their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings. He wasn’t sure if it was pity or envy. Everywhere was dust.

Oh, there was something about this scene. Three again, after the reading with Blue and Whelk last time, three kids. Gansey felt a peculiar stab at the three of them, their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings. Like, it sounds very much like envy, except Gansey does have kinda these things among the raven boys. The only issue is that, well, life is never as simple for Gansey or the raven boys as it could be for these three random kids, since life is always complicated when old money and a circle of influential family is involved. 

Also, just the ending of this paragraph. Everywhere was dust. Gansey couldn’t see clearly, just which one is which, envy and pity swirling together? Or was it a matter of showing how low these kids are compared to Gansey and his background, little specks that means nothing in the end, even if they have more - their camaraderie, their belonging, products of their surroundings - than Gansey thinks he can ever have. 

“I’m going to see a friend.” “The mean one, or the white trash one?” “Helen.” She replied, “Sorry. I meant Captain Frigid or Trailer-Park Boy.”

I would say that I’m not sure if I should be amused or offended, but that would be a lie. I’m offended. Is this prejudice against people who’s not born into the same rich background as them? I’m very happy that my mind knew what was up and was roasting her even before this line came up. 

Also, I think it’s kinda obvious by now, but Noah really isn’t actually part of the group. People refer to the boys as Gansey&Ronan&Adam. Noah is making very few appearances. 

“Dad calls them worse things,” Helen said.

I’m sorry, darling, but that’s really no excuse. You can think for yourself, can’t you, instead of pointing fingers and saying, Well, as least I’m not as mean as him!

Somehow seeing his parents always reminded him of how little he’d accomplished, how similar he and Helen were, how many red ties he owned, how he was slowly growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming.

Oh, intriguing. How little he has accomplished. Low self-esteem or just the idea that his value depends on how much he has accomplished, though I understand that in this case, it probably came from his upbringing. How much red ties, I’m not sure what that means. I think I’m mostly intrigued by how he was slowly growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming, mostly because I’m wondering if Gansey is also afraid of becoming that rich white guy as well. And just, also, the idea that Ronan is afraid instead of hate, as though Ronan thinks his potential to be what he doesn’t want to be is very much there to turn potential to reality. 

Fat, shiny carpenter bees swooped at his head, distracted from their work of destroying the stairs.

Bees… destroys stairs????

The idea that you had to pay for the beauty in Henrietta should have occurred to him before then, but it hadn’t. No matter how many times Adam told him he was foolish about money, he couldn’t seem to get any wiser about it.

Oh, Gansey, everything is paid in money, but you use it as easily as breathing. For some people, money is paid in breaths, in time, in huffs of breaths of toil and hours worked to accumulate for so little. 

There is no spring here, Gansey realized, and the thought was unexpectedly grim.

This is a profound line, but I’m mostly thinking about how it’s April and still it feels like fucking winter. No spring indeed for me, this year. Metaphorically applies too, since this year sucks for me so far. 

Adam’s knees bent as if he were going to scoot himself out from under the car, but then he didn’t. 

Gansey knew what this meant, this failure to immediately come out from beneath the car, and anger and guilt drew his chest tight. The most frustrating thing about the Adam situation was that Gansey couldn’t control it. Not a single piece of it. 

Oh, Adam. I don’t know if I want Adam to not come out because he doesn’t want Gansey to see that he is beat up for being caught after trying to sneak out, or because Adam is angry at Gansey. The former because Adam being so considerate just breaks my heart and the latter because I think Adam is the type to, in a very non-hyperbolic way, kill himself trying to help those he care about and I really want Adam to be able to… not exactly stand up for himself because Gansey doesn’t really bully Adam so much as ask him for stuff despite knowing it would be difficult for Adam, but at least be able to say no and be able to put himself before others on some occasions. 

A bruise spread over his cheekbone, red and swelling as a galaxy. A darker one snaked over the bridge of his nose.

</3 oh, Adam.

“And what about when Glendower takes you away from Henrietta?” Gansey couldn’t say it wouldn’t happen. “You come with.”

Oh, and Adam says his faith in Gansey’s dream is incomplete. When he says, though I supposed it is incomplete, at least in Gansey. Adam didn’t think Gansey would take him with him. 

Rags to riches isn’t a story anyone wants to hear until after it’s done. 

Too true, too heartbreaking. Everyone wants to hear a ‘I preserve, worked hard and I succeeded, it paid off’. Who wants to hear a ‘and I’m still trying, with no success in sight’? 

But it was a story that was hard to finish when Adam had missed school yet again. There was no happy ending without passing grades.

Don’t be so real, guys. Reality is setting in and this is not what I signed up for when I started reading this book. 

And this was an uneasy place to be, because Gansey knew it took a lot for Adam to accept his reasons for chasing Glendower. Adam had plenty of reasons to be indifferent about Gansey’s nebulous anxiety, his questioning of why the universe had chosen him to be born to affluent parents, wondering if there was some greater purpose that he was alive.

The poor are sad they’re poor, Adam had once mused, and turns out the rich are sad they’re rich. 

Sigh, the grass is always greener on the other side and I can imagine how much it sucks for Adam to see everything he ever wanted be in every other person’s hand, not because they earned it but because they were born with it. They have everything Adam ever wanted and still, they want more. 

And Ronan had said, Hey, I’m rich, and it doesn’t bother me.

Except ‘growing up to be everything Ronan was afraid of becoming’, yeah, being rich doesn’t bother Ronan. 

Success meant nothing to Adam if he hadn’t done it for himself.

I’m so proud of my son rn but also like, goddamnit Adam, let them help you a little. You don’t have to use connections for everything, but use the connection to get an opportunity to prove yourself, would you?

“You’ve watched too many cop shows.” “I’ve watched the evening news, Adam,”

Nice comeback, Gansey, mostly because i agree with him. This is one sad reality. 

“Why don’t you let Ronan teach you to fight? He’s offered twice now. He means it.”

I did not expect to hear this, but now I’m just so happy and proud. Ronan, wanting Adam to be able to defend himself, and offers to teach him. Ronan, offering twice. I’m so happy. 

“Because then he will kill me.” “I don’t follow.” Adam said, “He has a gun.”

Well, there goes my happiness out the door. Adam’s father sucks the life and happiness outta me and we haven’t actually even met him yet. Jesus. 

Not at the double-wides in the foreground, but past them, to the flat, endless field with its tufts of dry grass. So many things survived here without really living.

But… can I say ‘but they survive.’ Not living, but still, they survive. And if they survive long enough, they can transfer to a better environment where they can thrive. 

“It means I never get to be my own person. If I let you cover for me, then I’m yours. I’m his now, and then I’ll be yours.”

Yes and no. Yes, because I can see where Adam is coming, I really can, but… there’s a difference between receiving some help and owing someone so much that you owe them everything. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s ever about the degree of help Gansey exert, more like the more helpful the help was to Adam, the more Adam feels like he will owe, even if Gansey’s help might really involve an effortless phone call that would get Adam an interview for a job.

Some days, all that grounded him was the knowledge that his and Adam’s friendship existed in a place that money couldn’t influence.

Gansey, I don’t think you could ever say this so long as you and Adam’s social and monetary status is so different. You can probably say this about you and Ronan, but you’re naive if you thought so between you and Adam. 

“You don’t know how it makes people look at me and at you. It’s all they need to know about us. They’ll think I’m your monkey.“

Ouch. Just.. ouch. 

I am only my money. It is all anyone sees, even Adam.

You’re not only your money, Gansey, but that is a huge part of you. Adam is admittedly bothered by the glaring money part of you that stares him in the face all the time. 

“You’re as bad as her. You think you deserve it.”

Who’s her? Adam’s mom?

“Don’t pretend you know,” he said. “Don’t come here and pretend you know anything.” Gansey told himself to walk away. To say nothing else. Then he said, “Don’t pretend you have anything to be proud of, then.”

Oh Gansey, have you ever thought that it is exactly because Adam has nothing to be proud of that he clings onto his pride, the fact  that everything he has is because he earned it, because there is nothing else. He is building from bottom up, and it is true, people only want to hear stories of rag to riches. Would you have said the same, would you have been able to say those words, Gansey, if Adam already became rich?

As soon as he said it, he knew that it wasn’t fair, or even if it had been fair, it wasn’t right. But he wasn’t sorry he’d said it.

I would like to condemn Gansey, but… he is just awfully human, contradictory and acting on emotions and all. I can’t blame him, even if he shouldn’t have said it. The rich have their rich problem, the poor has theirs. 

He imagined coming here one day and finding that Adam wasn’t here, but in the hospital, or worse, that Adam was here, but that something important had been beaten out of him.

His pride or his life, Gansey, because I think you just tried to beat Adam’s pride out of him to save his life. And I’m not sure if that was for the better. 

… okay, I guess I’m not that forgiving towards Gansey. I can relate to Adam better, from one poor person to the other. 

Gansey could see his irises moving underneath the thin skin of his eyelids, a dreamer awake.

a dreamer awake, it said. Oh, this is so heartbreaking. Just… an optimist that had life lessons beaten into it one time too many for him to not turn into a realistic. And real life is that it is hard, it sucks, it’s not fair and not everyone would get what they deserve, even if they try. 

Now Adam looked at Gansey. There was something fierce and chilling in his eyes, an unnamable something that Gansey was always afraid would eventually take over completely. This, he knew, was a compromise, a risky gift that he could choose to reject.

In which Gansey asks for too much and when he learned to stop asking because he realize it costs Adam too much, Adam offers because… he’s Adam and Gansey is his friend. 

Adam’s breath stopped audibly. Through the windshield, Gansey met the eyes of Adam’s father.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckafkaslfdjgfkldfj. The price is high, so high. Adam, I know you said you need to return by 10, but please don’t. Please. Move in with Gansey, Ronan and Noah, finish up your college degree, get a good job, be successful, be happy. Don’t go back. 

Aaaand, we’ve come to the end of this chapter. What can I say besides too much had happened and emotions and risks run high. Next stop, back to Blue.