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m39 · 1 year

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Doom WADs’ Roulette (2005): Konga Songa

You know what? It’s time to appease Slaanesh.

Time to review something seedy.

...

Kind of...

Sort of...

Not really.

G5: Kama Sutra (Hurr Durr)

Main author(s): Adolf Vojta (Gusta) and Jakub Razák (Method)

Release date: March 9th, 2005 (database upload)

Version played: ???

Required port compatibility: Vanilla

Levels: 32 (standard 30 + 2)

Okay, let’s get this out of the way first. Kama Sutra is not some Rule 34 WAD that will make twelve-year-olds giggle like Japanese schoolgirls every second map (that honor goes to HDoom). It’s actually a spiritual successor to Hell Revealed... which means you might spend days trying to finish it after taking a couple of breaks if you are not some Doom-speedrunning masochists that the authors of this WAD are.

It is also one of the first WADs that not only earned one of the main awards but also one of the bonus ones. In this WAD’s case, it was Mockaward for the funniest WAD of the year.

Did it deserve the reward, though? Like any of these two? Well, let’s find out.

For a vanilla-compatible WAD, Karma Suta looks great. While there are some duds that are basically Hell Revealed-like maps but different, there are maps that might make you drop a jaw on the floor. And just like Suspended in Dusk, some of the better-looking maps have amazing details; not as close to the stuff from the previous WAD but having more soul than there due to the bigger variety of biomes.

The music wasn’t annoying to listen to. In fact, some of the tracks were absolute bangers. This soundtrack includes stuff like a scuffed version of Smooth Criminal, a shit ton of music tracks from Duke Nukem 3D and Rise of the Triad, and even a MIDIfied version of Stairway to Heaven (which is the best track; and it comes from someone who either didn’t listen to the original version or can’t remember when he did that).

When it comes to understanding how the levels play, Karmic Suit isn’t hard. Sure, some of the levels are kind of mangled, and backtracking in some of these is really obnoxious but I don’t think there was anything particularly awful.

Oh, and also, most of the time, you end up levels by going through the same-looking teleporter.

Most of the levels tend to have something that makes them stand out from the others. I’ll try to explain some of these:

The Hidden Engine has an interesting mechanic in that you don’t use the keys you got. The passage that leads to the exit opens up just by grabbing the keys themselves (since the name of the map).

Time Is Tickin' Out makes itself look like time is passing by with each grabbed key; it even gets darker with the last key. It’s like the time was passing differently in the dimension (probably) you grab the keys.

Execution starts out with you on an electric chair, referencing Death Row from Duke Nukem 3D.

Miss Sporty is kind of hilarious since you are basically wrecking demons’ arses on a sports stadium. The concept of Doomguy ruining demons’ day when they all want to have fun kind of makes me chuckle.

Cyber Machine starts out with you trying to run to the nearby teleporter and you have to slowly get there with platforms that slowly go down (you will end up soft-locked if you aren’t fast enough) while defending yourself from Cacos. A funny moment that I wish the middle part of this map was (I’ll get to that later).

The Train Is Approaching is a homage to Alien Vendetta’s Clandestine Complex, down to the similar style and music track used in both maps. It is also a complete migraine maker since even if you know where to go, you will still end up going through the long, mangled paths, even when the next objective is right next to you.

Traps, if you didn’t get it from the title already, has shitty traps that are basically a fuck you kind. Sure these traps are just barrels and not some firing squad of Hoovies but it was still filth to experience. Also, there is another fun moment when you lower the blue key from the hanging cage.

Cow Face, asides from accidentally looking similar to the cow’s head, gives me Plutonia’s Hunted vibes. Not really with Arch-viles in the labyrinth but with the yellow and red keys having their respectful switches on the other side where there are supposed to be.

Stairway to Heaven is like a min-golf course; with almost each section dedicated to one of the weapons of your arsenal. it is also my favorite map of Konga Silly.

And speaking of silly, we have reached a moment that gave Kombat Slaughter Mockaward: MAP30 - <|> AKA Pica as I like to call it.

What’s up with this map, you may ask? Well, you have to choose between kids and adults routes. Choosing adults will send you to the arena... with a naked woman spreading her legs and flashing you with her pussy...

You facepalm. You are filled with cringe.

...that functions as Icon of Sin... and you have to shove rockets up her glory hole... while being bombarded by up to eight siege cows...

...

You have now officially lost a plot.

You bash your head on your desk.

Okay, look, I get it! Czech people have a different sense of humor, and it was made in 2005, the time that such a thing was much more acceptable and probably hilarious... but seriously?! That’s the reason why this WAD was rewarded as the funniest WAD of the year?! Another shitty Icon of Sin boss with Cyberdemon-made firing squadron that just so happens that looks like Vagineer’s face and has a Cancan dance music... THAT COMES FROM ONE OF THE LEMMINGS GAMES?!?!

You bash your head on your desk several additional times.

You know... I could... I could partially understand Khrono Sumo getting Mockaward due to more levels having funny concepts than just MAP30, like Miss Sporty or Stairway to Heaven to some degree. But the fact that I didn’t see anything funny mentioned asides from Pica in Cacowards 2005, makes me question the Doom community’s sense of humor back in that year, along with how low it was. It’s ridiculous.

And by the way, you wanna know what the kids route is? You simply wait for an exit to lower while dodging up to eight Cyberdemons attacking you. It still reeks of bullshit but I would rather play this than suffer through another Icon of Sin ending.

And no, I ain’t gonna show you the adult route, because 1. I have no pictures of it, 2. Even if I had pictures of it, Tumblr would probably shadowban me for posting it, and 3. I’m not playing this route because I’m not into completely naked bodies, real-file, or fiction. Look at this map somewhere else.

At this point, you should realize that Kurkuma Salad is really hard. I can’t explain exactly the difficulty of this MegaWAD, so I’d like to kind of repeat myself from the beginning of this review: if you are a masochist that beats WADs like that for breakfast every day (and is probably to speedrunning too) then you will be in a viscera-filled heaven. But if you are closer to someone like me who’s not exactly into a few hundred monsters on the screen/area, you will probably finish this WAD once, and not touch it for a very long time, if at all.

Let’s come back for a moment to Cyber Machine. I briefly mention its middle part not being good, and that’s because you are forced to fight in a tight area with four cows while their alcoves open up and close down one at a time; not to mention pressing switches in these alcoves after dealing with them (in a specific order I might add). Playing this map normally is a chore. Playing it while also Pistol-starting is a nightmare since you have to deal with Cyberdemons with nothing but the Super-Shotgun. You might as well jump on a teleporter in the middle of that area (if your source port allows that).

At least I can say that the last area is somewhat fun if you don’t play it on UV.

Then there is Hard Target. A shit-ton of enemies for the sake of a map with a shit-ton of enemies, around half of the map having damaging floors, pop-up Cyberdemons. being surrounded by three of these at the starting area where they will keep bombarding you unless you know where the telefragging teleporters are (at least two of these, third Cyberdemon will die in the mosh pit of demons behind him), the flood of tomatoes and meatballs after dealing with one of the switches that lead to the exit or something like that; these are just a few things that I remember about this hellhole. And the fact that this map ends up sandwiched between Stairway to Heaven and I’m just a DOOM Addict (which is a pretty cool map) doesn’t help.

My advice to you asides from not playing on UV on your first playthrough: Ignore stuff in the center and focus on switch areas.

Asides from a few graphical glitches that I encountered, and some of the music tracks being slowed down (for unknown reasons) and/or not looping properly, there weren’t any bugs around this WAD. There is still stuff written in Doomworld and in the text file though.

Also, even though this WAD is vanilla-compatible, it’s still better to use a limit-removing source port since most of these maps are too big/have too much stuff in them to be saved. Here’s Adolf Vojta’s answer to that problem:

Who use savegames nowadays anyway?

Not you apparently, at least in 2005 when you were a speedrunner, therefore a masochist (probably).

Hindu Book of Monkey Fun is a better Hell Revealed sequel than HRII. At least it looks better than that WAD, and it gave me more fun and had more maps that were more than just shove as many enemies as possible mentality.

Unfortunately, after playing this MegaWAD twice, I think I’m’ experiencing burnout at this point. Not to even mention the personal stuff I have to deal with. So to not make myself completely go apeshit, I’ll take an indefinite hiatus from reviewing.

I know there are some WADs that were spoiler tagged by Dean of Doom, a new official add-on to the Unity port, and then there is My House.WAD that’s getting insanely popular. Need to try all of this before coming back.

I’ll see you all... in June in the best-case scenario.

Bye.

#doom #Doom WAD #review #doom mod #Doom 2 #doom 2005 #2005 #kama sutra WAD #doom kama sutra #Doom WADs’ Roulette #cacowards #Mockaward

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