#kind of ass but whatever idc anymore

[jovial-palace-grounds]

RENEW YOUR DEFINITION.

[qilinkisser]

can't have SHIT in detroit (found out that my ex is fixating on chappell roan.... while listening to a chappell roan song)

[zeltqz]

it girl | sanzu h.

synopsis. you find sanzu after a fight at a party and end up introducing yourself and helping him patch up. turns out sanzu isn't as extroverted when it comes to speaking to girls, rindou finds out.

contains. smut, first time (sanzu's a virgin), nervous sanzu, bold reader, mentions of violence, busted lips, bruised knuckles, kantou!manji era, nude/explicit photos, oral (m), sanzu gets head for the first time, koko rindou and sanzu are best friends idc.

author's note. sanzu's so pretty but i just know that boy has never felt the touch of a woman, hence why i wrote this lmfao. call it a power move or whatever 🙄 (i wanna see more submissive sanzu honestly). fanart credits: caravaggist

“My head is fucking killing me,” Sanzu said with a pained groan. He began coughing until he started laughing, running purely on adrenaline. “I beat that fucker’s ass, didja see that?!”

“Shut up, stop being so loud.” Sanzu winced when Rindou smacked him upside the head. He looked down at his busted, bruised knuckles and cursed. “We’re so fucking dead.”

“Told you not to drink that much,” Koko sniped, gesturing with his chin over at Sanzu. “Got us into a goddamn fight.”

“Not my fault you guys are such wimps.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Koko doubled over to catch his breath, slumping against a car. 

“Are you guys okay?” you called out, steadily approaching the three boys. 

Your heart nearly stopped when they all turned to meet your eyes, but there was one you couldn’t take your eyes off of the most. He had green eyes and crazy pink hair tied up into a ponytail. You’d been eyeing him for the majority of the party, just small glances over at whichever end he was loudly talking at. The entire time you had been taking extra shots for courage to approach him but pussied out each time. When you were upstairs, there was loud shouting, chanting, and the sound of things breaking as a group of boys managed to get into a fight. You didn’t see the full thing, only coming down the stairs the exact moment you saw the three of them run outside, tearing down the street and around the block in record time. A quick scan of the party, you saw the pink haired guy was no longer there, so your feet went running before you could even think of what you were doing.

He was much prettier up close, an ethereal kind of beauty you rarely ever see. Not many people can rock long pink hair but he manages to make it work well.

You ran out, taking off after them. It was a miracle you found them, having guessed which direction they must’ve took off in. 

“Who are you?” Kokonoi asked, looking strangely at you.

“I was at the party,” you gestured down the street, “and saw everything. Are you guys okay?” you repeated, walking a little closer to the group. 

Kokonoi’s hostility dropped down a few notches and he nodded. Rindou shrugged and rolled his neck, trying to ease away the stiffness residing in his bones. Sanzu, on the other hand, just stared at you dumbfoundedly. He didn’t say a word, just stared at you with half wide eyes that only widened when you met his gaze. You held eye contact for a few seconds before looking down at his knuckles. Out of the three, Sanzu was probably the most roughed up, having done the most the entire fight and caught the most strays. His lip was busted and his knuckles were bruised.

“Oh that looks really bad. One second,” you said, pulling out a tissue from your pocket “Can I?” you asked, looking into his eyes. He doesn’t say yes or no, and Rindou isn’t even sure he’s breathing anymore. He doesn’t stop you as you hold his bruised hand and lift it up to your face for examination. 

You placed the tissue onto his knuckles. “I’m sorry that happened by the way. I don’t know how it started but I’m sure you guys didn’t deserve it.”

Kokonoi snorted and Rindou elbows him roughly. “Eh it’s whatever. Bottom line is we won, so.”

“You guys shouldn’t be fighting like that though. Especially in public. The police got called and are probably on their way here.”

“Wait seriously?!” Kokonoi whipped his head up at you and you nodded. He cursed under his breath. “We better get going again. Don’t wanna have to get bailed out again.”

Again?

“True that,” Rindou agreed, dusting off his pants. His head was pounding and he might probably have a concussion, but all that didn’t matter to him. He just needed to get out of here. “Call Ran, he’ll come pick us up.”

“He’s gonna fucking kill us,” Kokonoi replied.

“Better him than Mikey.”

“But—”

You tuned out the rest of their conversation and continued dabbing Sanzu’s knuckles, who still hadn’t said a single word since you approached. You blinked up at him and removed the bag from his hand. 

“Your lip is bleeding,” you announced, and he almost flinched away when your thumb rose to his lip. “Does it hurt?” He shook his head. “Can I put this on your lip?” You shook the tissue in your hand.

He nodded slowly and your smile nearly sent him straight to heaven. You pulled a water bottle from your purse and wet the tissue, pressing it on his lip and held onto his chin, tipping his head upright so you could see what you were doing better. Granted the tissue probably weren’t helping at all, but you had to work with what you had. 

“This looks really painful,” you murmured, fixated on the damages done to his face. He has these two pairs of twin scars on both sides of his mouth that you think are so cute. Without thinking, you let your thumb trace the diamond outline gently. You pull the tissue away from his lip and pocket it. “Does your lip hurt?”

Sanzu shook his head and you smiled. “That’s good.”

Rindou looked over at Sanzu weirdly, wondering why the loudest person in the group was suddenly so quiet. He didn’t have time to explore that train of thought deeper because Kokonoi spoke up.

“Rin, Sanzu. Ran’s on his way now. Let’s go.” He pocketed his phone and turned to you. “Thanks for the warning about the cops by the way. Really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem.”

A black car pulled up to the curb and the window rolled down. “You three are so fucking dead,” Ran said exasperatedly. 

“As long as Mikey doesn’t find out we’re goo—” Kokonoi’s relief came crumbling down as his biggest fear came to light. The passenger seat window rolled down and Mikey’s face came into view. He didn’t look mad, honestly he didn’t look like anything. Just emotionless, but that was enough to scare the absolute shit out of Koko. “Boss, we can explain—”

“Get in the car.”

Kokonoi swallowed but obliged, his feet dragging behind him as he walked around the car to get in.

You looked back over at Sanzu who’s eyes hadn't left yours. “Guess this is goodbye. I’m (Name) by the way. What’s yours?”

Whatever reaction anyone was expecting, it wasn’t for Sanzu to completely stammer over his words, forgetting who he was, or how to form a literate sentence. “Me name? Who is—I—what, huh?”

Rindou looked at him like he grew two heads, even Mikey raised a confused brow. You pressed your lips together in a thin line to stop yourself from laughing and Sanzu’s ears burnt with humiliation. Frankly he was mortified with those being the first words he’s said to you ever. Rindou thankfully saved him from more embarrassment by grabbing the back of his collar hard.

“His name is Sanzu by the way,” he told you before dragging him towards the car, kicking him into the backseat. The door slammed shut and you watched as Rindou entered the front next to his brother and then the car pulled off, recklessly rounding the corner.

You stayed there for a minute, blinking, then smiled giddily down at the floor before making your way back to your friends inside.

~*~

“Yeah they’ve definitely got a concussion,” the nurse said, snapping her gloves off. She stepped away from the three boys at the table and handed them each plastic cups of water. “Make sure you drink plenty of water and get plenty of rest.”

“Thanks doc.” Mikey wrote her a check and she nodded, thanking him before exiting the room. He looked at the three in them in disappointment. They each had an annoying habit of crashing random parties going on in the street and getting shit faced, then turning up to work and events hungover or too exhausted. Now they have hit the final nail in the coffin by getting in a physical altercation with strangers and the police are probably looking for their asses right now.

“I have nothing to say to you three. You heard the woman, get plenty of rest,” he scolded before leaving the room.

“Who wants to bet the medical bills are coming out of our paycheck?” Rindou asked, sliding off the table. He rubbed his head exhaustedly and yawned.

“I might just have a heart attack if I see that,” Kokonoi responded, shuddering.

“That girl…” Sanzu muttered under his breath, scratching his chin.

“What?”

“That girl,” he repeated louder as if he just came to a sudden realisation, “was a fucking angel!”

“Oh. Welcome back to earth Mr. Who me is name I what?” Rindou mocked, amusement written all over his face as Sanzu rolled his eyes.

Kokonoi laughed loudly. “Oh yeah! What the fuck was that all about?”

“Shut up,” Sanzu grumbled and closed his eyes, blocking their mockery out. He tried to picture your face again behind his closed lids but the concussion was slowly getting worse and your face was starting to fade from his memory. “I need to find this girl and redeem myself. What’s her name?” he said snipply, snapping his fingers at the two boys for them to hurry up.

“Stop being a weirdo. You probably blew your chances anyway,” Rindou stated.

“Nah uh! It wasn’t that bad!”

“Who me is name I what?” Kokonoi repeated and Sanzu groaned loudly.

“Keep making fun of me whatever! But when I find her and make her my future wife I don’t want to hear shit from any of you.”

“Wow,” Kokonoi fake gasped. “You can tell your future kids the story of how you met!”

“Future wife huh?” Rindou chuckled. “So we’re just skipping past girlfriend?”

“Gotta aim big.”

Kokonoi shook his head. “That girl wants nothing to do with you.”

“Yeah? Well why did she patch me up and not you two fucking idiots then? HUH?” Sanzu gestured to his busted lip. The two boys had nothing else to say and just rolled their eyes, muttering whatever under their breath. “Exactly, shut the fuck up.”

Sanzu traced his scars with his finger. He could still feel the gentle trail of your finger on his skin and closed his eyes once more, picturing you in front of him, staring up at him with such care in your eyes as you genuinely found yourself worried at his injuries. He looked down at his knuckles, still bruised, and pictured your hand in his. He regretted not saying more to you earlier, regretted not actually having a conversation with you and telling him his injuries looked worse than they actually felt.

Sanzu stood up and Rindou called out to him. “Oi. Where the hell are you going? We’re heading back to mines.”

“I’m going back to that party to redeem myself.”

“It’s been like an hour and it’s almost three am. She’s long gone. Let it go.”

Sanzu shook his head, condescendingly clicking his tongue in a way that ground Rindou’s gears. “Don’t be jealous Rin.”

“Jealous of?”

“I got a girl that wants me for me, not my dick.”

“That’s something only a virgin would say,” Kokonoi inputs, laughing when Sanzu instantly closes his mouth. “No way, are you actually a virgin?”

“No I’m not!”

“Yes you are!”

“I’m not!”

“Who’d you lose it to?”

Sanzu scoffs. “Like anyone remembers that,”

“Okay playboy.” Rindou laughs. “I remember mine.”

“So do I,” Kokonoi high fives Rindou. The two of them look at Sanzu. “Well? What’s her name?”

“I was high. Don’t remember,” Sanzu shrugs. Rindou looks over at Koko who both equally look unimpressed. “ANYWAY! It doesn’t matter because I’m going to find that girl and redeem myself tonight.”

Kakucho enters the room. “Find what girl?”

“Redeem yourself for what?” Kokonoi asks.

Rindou laughs even louder. “Redeem himself for “Oh friend who I am what?””

Sanzu’s ears burn when Koko joins in the laughter. “Alright so just forget my question. Cool,” Kakucho rolls his eyes.

“Sanzu got us into a fight tonight and some girl helped him with his busted lip and now he thinks he’s in love.”

“I don’t think—”

“We know,” Kokonoi interrupts.

Sanzu shoots him a glare. “If you’d let me finish,” he says snarkily. “I don’t think I'm in love. I know I am.”

“In love with a girl you don’t even know the name of?” Kakucho asks hesitantly. He should be used to this by now honestly, it's not the first time Sanzu got hyper fixated over something, except in this case it's someone. In actuality, he should be worried for this girl, knowing how obsessive Sanzu gets at times. Picturing the boy in a relationship was something Kakucho just could not do no matter how hard he tries.

“I’ll find her name. You forget who I am and what I do in this goddamn organisation?”

“Aside from dragging us to useless parties and getting us involved in unnecessary fights?” Rindou asked.

“You had fun tonight, stop acting like you hated it that bad,” Sanzu complained.

“What did this girl look like?” Kakucho asks.

Sanzu describes your appearance from your height all the way down to your eye colour, recounting to his friends every single detail he managed to observe about you the entire time he spent staring at you. They all looked at him with concern.  Sanzu noticed their glare and shrugged. “What?”

“Surprised you didn’t count every single lash of hers honestly,” Kokonoi rubbed his forehead exhaustedly when his head pounded again. “This headache is killing me. Gonna head home.”

They all said goodbye and waited for him to leave the room. 

“I think I know the girl,” Kakucho said, recounting the horrifying moment of Sanzu describing you in as much detail as possible. 

“WHAT?!” Sanzu exclaimed far too loudly for his head and Rindou’s to handle, a sharp pain shooting their heads. “Ah fuck,” he groaned, rubbing his head. 

“Are you serious?” Rindou asked, looking at Kakucho who nodded.

“Yeah. Someone like that lives on my floor. I see her leaving every morning.”

“To Kakucho’s we go!” Sanzu grinned, grabbing the younger boy's hand and dragging him outside. Rindou reluctantly follows behind them, wanting to see where this situation was heading. 

Kakucho ended up being right, and when they entered the lobby of his apartment, they saw you collecting your mail. Sanzu’s feet felt frozen to the floor as he just stared at your side profile. He almost had a stroke when you turned to face in his direction, and he swore you were looking directly at him when you broke out into a smile, waving your hand.

“Hey! Haven’t seen you in a while,” you said and Sanzu was confused. It’s only been a few hours, hasn’t it? 

You were walking and he stood up a little straight when it looked like you were heading towards his direction, only for his heart to do a complete 360 when you hugged Kakucho instead. It wasn’t an affectionate hug, both your hands barely lingered on each other’s body, just an awkward side hug that lasted barely 2 seconds.

“Yeah, you know. I’ve been busy with work and stuff.”

“Ah cool cool. I’ve been collecting your mail though.” You handed him his mail. He thanked you and held them under his arm. 

You looked at two boys next to them and then gasped. “Oh its you!” You pointed between Sanzu and Rindou, who only nodded, asking how you’ve been. Sanzu was frozen again as you and Rindou gave each other basic small talk, only breaking out of his stupor when Rindou elbowed him hard in the stomach. 

You bit down a laugh when you saw Sanzu clutch onto his stomach in pain. “Oh my god, are you alright?” Sanzu could hear the laugh in your voice, but didn’t feel offended the slightest.

“I’m good, yeah. Just distracted.”

“Oh. Am I boring you?”

He was too scared of the fact you thought that about him to notice the playful hint in your voice. “No! Not at all. I just have a concussion that's all.”

“No way. Does it hurt? Are you okay?” You hesitantly lift your hand up and press it on his forehead which is burning up. “You need to get some sleep right now.”

“It’s too late to drive right now.” Kakucho says. “You two can just sleep at mine.”

“Only if I get your bed,” Sanzu adds.

“Fuck that. Sleep on the couch.”

“But I’m concussed.”

“And who’s goddamn fault is that?”

Sanzu rolled his eyes. Kakucho sighed. “Fine. You can get the bed.”

“Let’s fucking go,” Sanzu grinned and started heading towards the elevator. The other two boys followed them and Kakucho looked behind at you. 

“You coming?”

Sanzu pressed the button and turned to look at you and Kakucho as you shook your head. “No, I'm heading back out.”

“Right now?” Kakucho says and looks at his watch, “It’s almost 4 am?”

“I know,” you sigh exhaustedly. “My friend, well kinda friend, I guess wants me to come to his house. Just got his text a few minutes ago.”

“At this hour?” Kaku says sceptically.

“So a booty call?” Rindou says and gets elbowed by Kakucho, telling him to mind his business.

You laugh. “I guess if that's what you want to call it. I don’t sleep with him, he just uses me to impress his friends it feels like.” Your eyes slide over to Sanzu who has a scowl on his face and looks away almost immediately after you make eye contact. “I don’t wanna do it but he scares me so I feel like I have to.”

“What’s his name?” Kakucho asks.

“Why? You gonna hurt him?” you ask back. Though you and Kakucho are only neighbours at best, you’re well aware of what he does and his reputation around town. The Brawler is his nickname, or was, back when he was in Tenjiku. But you didn’t know what his role or job entailed, all you knew he was in some shady shit and you wanted no part of it. 

“Depends if I know the guy or not.”

You roll your eyes. “His name is Osanai.”

“Wait a minute,” Rindou says, “Is he tall? Smokes all the time, blonde hair? Kinda tan?”

“Yeah…” you say slowly, sceptically, “how’d you know?”

“We’ve actually been kinda looking for that guy. Mikey wanted to see him, didn't he?” Rindou asks Kakucho who shrugs and points over to Sanzu who’s been awfully quiet the entire time. “Didn’t he?” Rindou asks Sanzu again.

“Oh. Yes he has.” He looks up and meets your gaze one more time before looking away. 

“Where’s he at?” Rindou asks, approaching you.

“I dunno probably his house?”

“Okay but where genius.”

You give him Osanai’s address and he starts heading outside. “Wait! Don’t kill him or something.”

“Why do you care what we do? Doesn’t he scare you?”

“I mean yes but that doesnt mean I want him dead…”

Kakucho sighs. “Sanzu wait here with (y/n), me and Rindou will sort this out.”

Sanzu instantly looks at Kakucho. “Wait—”

“Just do it,” Rindou snickers before the two of them leave. Sanzu watches them go with a betrayed look on his face, already thinking of 101 different ways to kill Rindou once he got back home.  You look up at Sanzu and smile at him.

“So…you can go home if you want. I don't need a babysitter.”

“No it's fine I'll uh wait here.”

“We can go back to mine?” you ask a little hopeful.

Sanzu opens his mouth to speak but the words can't seem to come out. He resorts to nodding and you smile, taking his hand in yours and walking up to your apartment. 

~*~

Three hours in and you’ve been binging shitty movies together, laughing at the bad plot and horribly written characters. When you first saw Sanzu at the party, he was outgoing and the life of the room honestly. Maybe your opinion is a bit biased because you were focused on nothing but him, but he had this energy that attracted you to him. Now, in front of you, he’s nothing like he was a few hours ago, he seems shy and reserved, keeping to himself but he’s still funny and cracks a few jokes that make you cackle every now and then.

“Wait you got a little, i’ll get it for you,” you say, cupping his chin and turning his face to you. He watches you with wide eyes as your thumb comes up to his lip and wipes some tomato sauce off. you make continuous eye contact with him as you bring your thumb to your mouth and lick the sauce off the tip. Then, you almost give the guy a heart attack when you go back in with your wet thumb and wipe the remnants of the sauce on the corner of his mouth. 

His pizza flops in his hand and something else rises in his pants as you pull back, sitting reasonably closer than you did before, resting your head on his shoulder, continuing to watch the movie. It’s hard for him to even focus on the TV with you sitting this close to him right now. He can smell your shampoo, your perfume, can feel your body heat warming him up and he’s actually going to pass out if you continue clinging to his arm like that. He clears his throat and shifts in his seat a little, hoping his boner goes down and praying you don’t see it. 

Just to be on the safe side, he nonchalantly grabs a couch cushion and places it on his lap, claiming he's cold. You don’t buy it one bit but only smirk at the hidden implications. You let out a fake yawn and shift even closer to him, bringing your feet onto the couch, shifting into a lying position. 

You look up at Sanzu and smile slightly. “Is this okay with you?” you ask, batting your eyes at him.

“Y-yea. It's fine. cool.” He swallows thickly and turns to look back at the TV.

The cushion gets in the way and you click your tongue, sitting upright and almost bashing him in the jaw with your head. You toss the cushion away and Sanzu's about to protest before you lay back down, your head only inches away from his crotch. His erection was going down slowly but now it might as well sprung back up. 

“Oh wait a second,” you said, sitting upright and Sanzu almost panicked when you pointed down at his crotch. “You okay?”

“I—sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“No, it's fine,” you laugh. “These things are uncontrollable, I know.” Sanzu sighs in relief. “Do you need any help?” you ask and he blinks at you.

“What?”

“Nevermind,” you clear your throat. “That was a dumb question.”

“No wait!” he says abruptly, making you jump. “I mean, yeah, if you don’t mind.”

“Really?” you perk up a little. 

“Yeah I guess.”

You move to sit next to him, your head only inches away from his. “This is gonna sound a bit creepy but,” your eyes drop to his lips, “I’ve been wanting to do this since I saw you tonight.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” you say absentmindedly, distracted as you ran your finger over his scars. “Thought you were so pretty.”

“Pretty…?”

“Yeah, you’re really pretty Sanzu.”

He bites his lip, fighting the urge to look away from your intense eyes in the dark. You’re leaning in closer and his eyes close and then he feels your lips pressing against his. It starts off with short pecks that linger a little too long before you're actively moving your lips against his. Your hand cups his face and you pull him closer, sucking on his lips and entering your tongue into his mouth. He moans softly when your fingers find their way to his hair, scratching gently at his scalp.

You pull away and plaster kisses to his neck, gently pushing him down onto the couch, your body basically straddling him as you kiss down his throat.

His body feels hot and he can't focus anywhere  but your lips going down his body. Your fingers grab the seam of his shirt and your lips tickle against his skin as you mutter, “Take this off.”

He obediently does as he’s told and lifts his arms up as you help him remove the shirt. You toss it on the other couch and sit upright to examine his chest. His abs were faint but visibly and you bit your lip, running your finger along his chest.

He stares up at you as you look distracted at the sight of his bare chest. You make eye contact and smirk a little before lifting your shirt up and over your head. His eyes go wide at the sight of you in your bra. You go back down and kiss down his stomach, fingers moving to unzip his jeans and pull them down.

“Wait wait wait!” You freeze and look up at the boy in front of you, tilting your head in confusion. He swallows thickly. “I haven't…done this before.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “Really?”

“Shocking, I know.”

“Oh. It really is. I thought girls would be all over a guy like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like I said before, you’re really pretty Sanzu.” He instantly looks away and you laugh. “You’re shyer than I expected Sanzu. At the party you were really loud and stuff, I didn't expect this. It’s cute.”

“I’m not shy.”

“You said less than 100 words to me tonight and we’ve been hanging out for almost four hours.”

“...”

You laugh and sit upright, leaning back in to kiss him. “Do you still want me to…” Your fingers trail down his body, rubbing the outline of his cock in his briefs.

“If you want to.”

“I obviously do, that's why I'm asking you.”

“Sure then.”

You give him one last kiss before settling back between his lips. His cock has never felt more sensitive than in this moment when your fingers wrap around his cock, pulling it free from his boxers. It stands tall against your face and you lick the tip, not ceasing eye contact. He feels obligated to watch you suck his cock and desperately wants to look away because he knows he will bust in less than ten seconds if you keep staring at him like that.

You take him in your mouth and he moans so loudly, the sound soft and heavenly. You smile around him and begin to suction your cheeks as you take him lower. Your tongue swirled around his shaft every time you bobbed. He was throbbing inside you, your heavy eye contact and warm mouth making him grow harder.

He finally broke the eye contact to throw his head back, a long groan of “fuccccckkkkkkk,” leaving his mouth as he placed his hand on your head, bobbing you up and down. You moaned when his hips bucked up into you.

You pull off his cock and jerk him off, his words dying in his throat when he feels your tongue lick his balls, sucking gently on them.

He sits up and holds the back of your head, his fingers digging into your scalp as he pants heavily. Your eyes squeeze shut as you focus on pleasuring him, putting your mouth back onto his cock and taking him deeper than you did before, your fingers gently massaging his balls.

“I’m gonna—fuck, i’m coming,” he groans and without warning holds the back of your head, pressing you down and came inside your throat. 

Honestly you were shocked he lasted this long. Your body felt so warm and hot hearing his pretty moans, and the sight of him with his mouth open, head thrown back was something you’d never forget. His grip on your head ceased and you pulled off his cock, eyes teary and watery and mouth full of cum.

“Oh shit,” he mutters, watching you take a minute before swallowing. His dick twitches again. Without thinking, his thumb comes up to the corner of your lip and wipes a stray drop of cum. Before he can remove his thumb, your head turns and you suck the tip of it. “You’re actually trying to kill me, aren’t you,” he groans and you giggle around his thumb.

“Are you a virgin too if you’d never gotten head before?” 

He nods shamefully and you can’t help but kiss him again. “Want me to take it?” you ask, forehead resting against his.

He blinks at you before not-so-subtly dropping his eyes down to your cleavage. “yeah.”

You grin and push him back down onto his back, slipping off the couch. He watches you strip down naked, your bra and panties are tossed to the opposite couch. Thanks to the help of the tv, your body is still a shadow but the outline of your body makes him instantly hard again. You climb back on top of him.

His hands migrate to your hips, and with absolutely zero confidence with what he’s doing, his hand slides towards your clit and you gasp when his thumb snakes its way to your folds. “You’re really wet.”

You squirm, slightly embarrassed but bite your lip, amusement in your voice as you say, “Yeah…that’s supposed to happen.”

“I know that,” he grumbles, still rubbing your clit in circles, wetting his fingers with your arousal. “I’m not an idiot.”

He pulls his hand away and you grab his wrist, guiding his finger into his mouth, watching him suck your juices off his fingers. “God that’s hot,” you pull his fingers out and lean back down to kiss him.

“I'm going to get condoms,” you say against his lips before pulling away. He nods and watches you head down the hallway when his phone buzzes. 

rindou: we found osanai so we’re heading back right now

sanzu: hell no just go home 

rindou: ???? walk home then tf

sanzu: don't think that's an issue honestly think i might be sleeping over if you know what i mean ;)

rindou: what? you’re getting laid? YEAH RIGHT

sanzu: IM NOT LYING

rindou: i never once ever in my entire life found you funny but you’re telling some good jokes right now

sanzu: 1) im always funny, 2) im serious.  i would send you proof but then you’d see my dick and thats gross

rindou: would rather bleach my eyeballs honestly. you could barely look this girl in the eye and you really expect me to believe you’re fucking her?

“I’m back!” you call out making sanzu jump. “What’re you doing on your phone?” you ask, snatching it from his hands and reading the messages. 

It’s a miracle it’s dark right now because Sanzu doesn’t know what he’ll do if you saw him blushing from embarrassment right now.

“He’s fucking rude. Why doesn’t he believe you?” you huff, handing him his phone back before your face lights up. “Wanna show him?”

“Show him what…” He hopes you’re not heading in the direction you’re so obviously going. 

“You know what I mean, c’mere.” You sit back against the couch and pull up the camera app on his phone. You hold the phone out in front of you, “Stick your tongue out.” 

He does so and you stick yours out also, just barely grazing his as you snap a bunch of pictures. You take a couple more in different poses, putting your lips in a kissy face and kissing his cheek, his lips and resting your forehead against his as you smile at the camera. 

You sit upright and scroll through the photos, smiling at each of them. “Send these to me after yeah.” You toss the phone behind you and rip open the condom. You reach behind you and slip it easily down his shaft before aligning it with your pussy. “Ready?”

“Yeah…” The tip nudges your clit before slipping inside, warm heat instantly engulfing the tip of his cock and his mouth falls open, panting breathily as you continue sinking downwards, watching the pleasured look on your face as your pussy squelches trying to accommodate his entire length.

“Oh fuck,” you whimper, fixing your hands onto his chest for support. You bounce experimentally, ripping another moan from your throat it sinks you a little lower. 

“Shit, shit—wait,” He digs his nails into the fat of your ass cushioned against his thighs.

“Sanzu,” you moan, collapsing down onto his chest, wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He can hear your breathy pants beside his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

“You feel so fucking good,” He huffs against your ear and you sit upright, pushing your arms behind you to his knees and start swiveling your hips in circles that turn to full on bouncing on his cock. 

His eyes are focused on your tits that swing in motion with your movements and he can’t help but lift you up and down on his cock. “Fuck,” He gropes and squeezes your cheeks as you whimper, clenching around his cock with every bounce.

“Touch me please,” you whimper, looking down at him, grabbing one of his hands and bringing them up to your tits. He squeezes it and runs his thumb along your nipple, sending ripples of pleasure through your body, giving you more motivation to continue bouncing.

“Wait, slow down— oh fuck.” His body was tense, and you were sure he was leaving fingernail shaped dent marks on your hip with how tight his grip was. His cock felt so good, having a slight tilt to it that hit that spot no other guy had been able to reach. You couldn’t stop bouncing, his words falling on deaf ears.

“Wait wait wait stop,” he gasped, his grip getting tighter, bringing you to a stop. Wasting no time, you lean back down and begin kissing along his jaw as he catches his breath, impatiently wiggling your hips just to feel something. “I just came,” he admitted.

You froze and shot up, looking down at him. “For real?” he nodded, wiping a shameful hand over his face. “That's so cute,” you giggle and kiss him. 

You lifted yourself up and off his cock and laid down on top of him. “Did you like it?” you ask, tracing your finger along his chest.

“Yeah, it felt so good.”

“Yay,” you smiled bashfully.

“You didn’t finish though.”

“Eh it's not a big deal. I wanted to make you feel good.”

“Still though…” he mutters, pouting at the fact he didn’t make you feel as good as he felt. 

His phone buzzed and he sat upright to grab it. 

rindou: having fun loverboy??? u busy humping her pillow to text me back? asshole

Sanzu scoffs and you lean your head against his shoulder and read the messages. “Send him the photos.”

He turns to look at you, your lips almost brushing against his in the process. “You sure? You’re kinda naked in them.”

“I don't really care. It’s just a boob. You can crop it out if you’re that worried.”

“Okay…” He crops your chest out of the photo and stares down at the photos once more. He's never deleting these. He sends three different photos to Rindou, not even bothering to caption them and turns his phone off, waiting for his response.

“Oh wait! Gimme your phone!” You hold your hand out as he hands it to you. 

“What’re you doing?”

“Adding my number,” you hum and add your number to his contacts, adding a heart after his name. You’re never usually this forward, but you knew you wanted Sanzu from the moment you saw him, and you weren’t going to let him slip away. “Call me when you get home. okay?” Your forehead brushes against his and your eyes dart down to his lips, fighting the urge to kiss them.

“Okay.”

You give into temptation and kiss him slowly. Your thumbs traced along his jawline as you hum, almost lazily enticing your tongue with his. His hands ran teasingly along your body, cupping your ass and pulling you back on top of him.

The doorbell rang and you sat upright, cursing under your breath. “I’ll get it.” You press one more kiss to his lips and slip off the couch to re-dress. Your shirt was backwards and your pants were inside out, but you didn’t care as you answered the door with a cheery, “yes?”

Kakucho rubbed his forehead with a world heavy sigh and you instantly felt all colour drain from your face. He was with Rindou and probably saw the photos. “How can I help you Kaku?”

“Just…just tell Sanzu to come on, let’s go.”

Sanzu appears behind you,redressed, and gives you a hug goodbye, his arms lingering around your form for much longer than Kakucho considered friendly. You pull away and whisper in his ear for him to call you when he gets home. He nods and you plant another kiss to the corner of his mouth.

Sanzu is about to deepen the kiss before Kakucho grabs him by the back of his shirt and tugs him out of your apartment. 

[princesstarfire1234]

TLDR: I fucking despise ship art and fanfics that infantilize Orion Pax / Optimus Prime

Okay so I just wanna put my thoughts out here right now because I've not seen many people talk about it and it honestly bothers me a lot...

So, it's no secret that I ship MegOp and stuff right? I like and have reblogged a bunch of art of them before and I will keep doing so, but something about how this place (or more certain parts of the fandom) portray the ship gives me major icks and I fucking hate it so much

Detailed thoughts under cut ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Case in point, a massive part of the TFP fanbase likes to ship Orion and Megatronus and I get that, I get why people like shipping those two but it's the WAY they do it. A lot, not all, but most of the fanart surrounding Orion Pax and Megatronus is him being like the smaller and more submissive one of the relationship which fine, whatever, but most people just end up drawing him REALLY small like ik he's shorter than Megs who was a gladiator and all that and he was an archivist but jesus christ... Aside the size which is weird and all but it's really all about the rampant infantilization of the guy. When they remove all agency from the character and act like Orion is gonna fucking combust the moment someone confronts him or tries to fight him like no... I've not read Exodus but I don't think Orion being a nerdy book guy is gonna make him THAT soft, this is still the same mech who became PRIME like cmon

I don't know the exact words for it other than "infantilization" but like y'know what I mean right?? I'm not gonna name blogs but there's this one AU on here where Orion is blind and it has this cutesy artstyle which is fine but I vividly remember reading a comic on that AU where some thugs confront Orion and he's all like sobbing and shit and has to be saved by someone and it's... so you made him disabled and also a crybaby and absolutely incapable of anything??? Does that NOT give you an ick of sorts or seem weird??? God I don't even know anymore because I've seen many people seem to like that so I'm just scared I'm the weird one and wrong for this lmfao... Maybe there's smthn im not getting, you tell me

Anyways this post is getting real long, but this kind of "infantilization" also applies to certain fanarts of TFA MegOp, I always thought the ship was bordering on kind of strange (since TFA Optimus is like the equivalent of some 20-something college dropout and Megatron is implied to have been doing the war stuff way way way back like Ratchet's time) but I won't get into that, I just don't ship that certain brand of the characters myself, but it's fine, do what you want with it. Just know that I have seen art of those two where they treat TFA Optimus as this sort of incapable cutesy uwu boy (aaaghh)

So yeah.... hahahaha stop infantilizing characters and taking a ship where they're both grown ass big men and like straight up turning the other one into some weird ass incapable version of the character that lacks any and all agency and honestly bordering on being really icky as fuck, thank you, idc if you make Optimus the bottom or whatever, that's not what I mean, cya ✌️

[lokisgoodgirl]

hi babe <33

let me tell you a very funny (slightly embarrassing) story that happened last week!!

so i was helping the english department at my school clean out their big and very outdated literature study books bc im best friends with all of them duh

anyway . im casually oohing and aahing at every book i see and stealing whatever poetry book i can find that they dont want anymore

until i come across this small pocketsized book! its teal and the spine is cracked and from afar the big S on the cover and the teal colour makes it look like fucking. Shrek. so naturally i was like ???? A SHREK PLAY???

and so i picked it up bc a gal got curious!! and i look closer and it turns out to be Henry IV part 1! and bc i cant keep my big mouth shut i yelled "OH M GOD ISNT THIS THE TOM HIDDLESTON PLAY???" and the entire office went. Quiet.

And they all turned to look at me. mind you these are women who ARE in Tom's age range so they pretty much grew up with his work!!! and ofc they KNOW him its tom hiddleston. and one of them was like " the??? the tom hiddleston play??" and trying to save my dignity (not that im embarrassed but also kind of) i was like yeah ? didnt tom hiddleston play in this?? to try and keep myself casual like no what im not an obsessed fan hello im So Normal about him!! i could feel my face burst into fucking flames bc how do i explain to these women that im obsessed with his work while they look at me like they know I read fanfiction (like THEY DONT. THEY DO. I KNOW THEY DO. BC THEY ALWAYS MENTION IT.)

and so then. the entire fucking department spent the day picking up whatever stupid Shakespeare book they can find and saying really loudly IS THIS A TOM HIDDLESTON PLAY?? and i guess they ALL assume now the ONLY WAY I KNOW ANY ENGLISH LITERATURE is through Tom Hiddleston.

absolutely embarrassing. but i got to keep the book so WHATEVER.

but oh my god i think a part of my pride died that day. it was REALLY FUNNY but oh my god. no i DO know english literature i JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT TOM HIDDLESTON PLAYED IN A FEW OF THEM!!! leave me ALONE.

i cannot believe i had to out myself like that. no actually i dont care but its the fact that these women KNOW the sort of stuff going on out there i am 90% sure some of them HAVE WRITTEN FANFICTION BEFORE and i had to sit there and act like i didnt just finish reading the most filthy panty melting smut of some tom hiddleston character. like hello. oh my god. it was funny but also horrifying.

anyway so now the whole department knows me by association to The Tom Hiddleston Play and a) oh my fucking god but b) cant help but giggle a little if they MUST know i AM Crazy abt him and his work idc WHAT they say (they act like they dont have friday movie nights where they watch whatever play he's got.)

anyway. the end.

This is the stuff life is made of 😆❤️ I was laughing and cringing along with you omg. So funny🤣

"IS ✨THIS✨ A TOM HIDDLESTON PLAY?!" 🤣

It sounds like they were very sweet and jokey about the whole thing. And yes, fanfiction will be no biggie to them I'd bet😂

It reminded me of when I was casually explaining to my parents why exactly my football-allergic ass was going to Soccer Aid last year with @lokischambermaid - and I fumbled and said "oh, well there's an ac-torr that she and I are fans of and so you know we're just err-"

My Mum, who I have never mentioned TH too before in my puff: "Is that Tom Hiddleston?" 🤨

Me: 😵😵"...yes"

And that was all that was said about it 🤣but she knew. She has eyes. Awkward moments are so funny in hindsight. Thank you for sharing this with me🤣

[violenthunted]

if anyone is struggling on dumblr rp right now i think i found the secret ingredients.

first, you gotta force yourself to block the people you dislike, the ones you follow out of obligation because they're "popular" / the friends of your friends who are not and don't want to be your friends / the ones who don't spark joy or have iffy vibes. your dash is your responsibility. it's like a garden & you have to take care of it. dumblr will not be your happy place if it's filled with people you dislike / don't care about / people who ignore you on the daily. believe me, you'll be so much happier with them out of the way, even if at first you feel like your corner is small.

second, you have to take the first step. go like people's posts. comment stupid shit. follow first. barge in their dms. who cares. pretend it's facebook, we're in 2010, and everyone is still publishing "i just ate an avocado" as it happens. dumblr isn't just about writing. regardless of how shitty the interface is, it still is a social medium. cause yeah sometimes life kicks your ass and you don't have time to write. and that's okay!! that's why we have plotting and pinterest and discord and spotify. but to do all that you have to establish contact, and sadly everyone's a scared potato who doesn't know how to do it and / or doesn't know how not to be awkward while doing it. so just try!! see how it goes. whoever's on the other side of the screen will either cry from happiness or reveal themselves to not b worthy of ur time. no matter the option, its a win on ur part.

and lil third, unofficial advice : internet friends aren't always real friends. idc that they told you "ILYYYYYY <3333" a thousand times. people say shit they don't mean and don't care how it might influence you. protect yourself. internet drama is fake and doesn't matter. if u feel like u can't take a step away to go touch some grass for a lil while because you're addicted to reloading the dash, you need to force yourself to do it until its easy as breathing. cause internet "friends" will drop you the second you are not needed anymore, and u need to b strong enough to endure that. u can't rely entirely on dumblr to provide for ur social happiness. its not sustainable and it's gonna fuck you up bc. well. relationships on the internet are not as solid as they seem, no matter what we believe. its already hard having irl friends you can see face to face.

if someone on the internet shows you who they are by not doing right by you : trust them. it's not irl. people arent saying shit without thinking. yes internet relationships can be as strong and fulfilling and incredible as irl relationships but they're also more prone to fakeness, fragility and other shortcomings. with dumblr, other people have the opportunity to type on their little keyboards. to wait. to erase. they're choosing to spend time with you, or choosing not to, in a way that is much more evident than irl. (cause the effort to reply to a discord message is tiny compared to the effort of having to meet somewhere, for instance. and internet friendships solely rely on that act of communication) they're choosing to prioritise you, or not. they don't have to face you whenever they do something shitty. whatever anguish & sadness they bring you, they're not worth it.

just look out for yourself out there, okay? be kind, be nice, be patient, and take a step away once in a while to remind yourself out of all the people on the internet, the most important is always gonna b you. cause you're the one who'll have to face your real life once the screen gets shut

[dudewithastick]

sneaky peek at my current wip (also the first wip i had in months) and some thots on it. i need to rant (complain) so bear with me

so far its going pretty good, it doesn’t look bad and thats cool bcs i defs wouldve given up if it did look bad at this point.

obviously this is some kind of realism style and its okay, its not the best, idc. what sucks is that i dont even want this style but its the only one i can do. like i wanna do cartoons and other artsy stuff with clear lines or just sketching. stuff i see online, but i CANNOT do it, no matter how hard i try. i will always do some realistic shadowing and then its over bcs the composition isnt right for me anymore. and i hate it bcs not only would my life be so much easier if i wouldnt fall into this kind of ‘realistic’ style, which is straight up a pain, id be so much more productive as well. but i’m some weird perfectionist dumbass (blame it on my virgo rising or whatever) so shading and tiny details it is.

speaking of details, i love that i accidentally built this wip on my sketch file, which was not nearly a good enough format and now the quality SUCKS ASS but thats nothing new to me so i’m just gonna accept that every detail i draw is like 5 pixels only and you can barely see them.

another thing i suck at is color theory. and when i started this project (yesterday) i was set on doing only b&w. literally 3 seconds in i used colors and i regretted it immediately bcs it looked good which meant i had to continue bcs we dont do half assed shit… so now i committed to color and i don’t understand color theory. like i can see it working but it doesn’t make sense and all i do is experiment bcs i see no sense or pattern (now i question my tiktok diagnosis of autism, neurodivergence and adhd)

at this point i have also given up at originality. im just copying my references picture, which is fine bcs i will never be able to draw a whole ass person, and i would defs not be satisfied if i wouldn’t add details. so now im stuck at drawing a whole military outfit and my reference picture is also only 9 pixels so i cant even make out what im drawing. i’m just guessing at this point.

okay for now the last part of my complaining… @blnk338 why did u choose such a unique mask for reaper? the way i struggled with the concept and its still not perfect but i dont wanna get hung up on it so i’m moving all over the place and going back to the mask every other minute… pretty sure the mask design alone took me 2 hours to put together so it made sense to my brain and then another 3 to design to my liking lmao

anyway this is a snippet of my current take on reaper from rwys, which so far is only the body but there will probs be eyes at some point, if i dont give up. first time in months, almost years of drawing something, so i guess big thanks to blink for giving me the motivation and a character to work on for fun. hopefully i can give an update on progress soon lol

[youremyheaven]

omg your fashion style is beautifullll! I'm a mum and I don't leave the house much with my baby lol so I don't get much of a chance or reason to dress up pretty lately, I miss it. I still try to dress up around the house an wear a pretty necklace, put on some lipstick, something like that, but I just want one day where I dress up gorgeousss and take pretty aesthetic photos of ~just me~ lmao. One day would satiate my Venusian ass

I love my baby hehe, she's a precious little Purvaphalguni princess but mama needs to feel beautiful 😭😂🪷

Don't feel vain taking/asking people to take beautiful photos of yourself girls lol 🤍🤣 it's not a vanity thing, it's art and they're so precious to look at if there's ever a time in your life where you're not dressing up much or not feeling as pretty, etc.

Like you can look at those gorgeous photos and go 'oh yeah, that's me 🤩' and get out of that icky headspace

omg 🥺🥰thanku sooo much, you're so sweet <33

you have a little venusian princess?? 😭😭😭🥺thats so cute,, (i want one)

mama needs her alone time!!! and i hope you get it!!! i reallyyy hope you can have someone look after your baby for a bit so that you can go out and be prettyy for the day!!!

i used to feel guilty for liking this sort of stuff, for caring about clothes, makeup or whatever is considered "girly" but honestly idc anymore,,, this is me,,, if i want to wear red lipstick to the grocery store, i will and who's gonna stop me???😌

i like to dress up for fun at home and take a hundred pics and just look at them lmaooo,,, i do this every other week,, its like self care. idk but just the ritual of getting dressed to go out is soooo sacred<333 and special<333

manifesting mama's day out!!! hope u get to take a break and just be a girl for a little bit <333 as your little one is looked after by someone kind and caring <33

[zannolin]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @beautyofsorrow, tagging @lordgrimwing @faebriel and anyone else who wants to do it!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

publicly associated with my account, 45. in total, including a couple i orphaned before i knew you could put them on anon, 84 i believe. 85 if you count the two chapters of that leakira zine i wrote that are up there somewhere. i could be off. but i forgot how to get to where it shows me the total number and i can't be bothered lol.

2. What's your total A03 word count?

438,464 baby. maybe 500k in 2024? who knows.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

ones 90% of you have never heard of, at this point. it fluctuates depending on whatever i'm getting ideas for, but actively at the moment, the mullverse (mostly beyonders), resident evil, and lockwood & co, national treasure (might be done with that tho, i've exhausted my must-writes). i have other stuff knocking around, like life is strange, mona lisa smile, mlp, some more shazam, bendy and the ink machine, a tlou fic...but who knows.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

ugh. 1. in this fearful fallen place (i will be your home) 2. welcome home, theseus 3. sanctuary 4. i'll carry the weight of you, i swear 5. eat you alive. it says a lot that only one of those is still publicly listed on my profile. even then i'm tempted to put it on anon. they're only my top kudos'd by virtue of being from a big fandom. definitely not my best. at all. even within that fandom. free me and my stats page.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not all of them, but i make an effort when comments are thoughtful or especially brighten my day. it's easier now because writing for smaller very niche fandoms you don't tend to get a lot so i don't feel overwhelmed or anything, but man responding is hard sometimes. i want people to know they made me happy, though, when they do. so i try.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i mean there's that tododeku one where they both die brutally and were supposed to get married next week. there's also the batcat fic that i wrote solely for the purpose of killing bruce wayne (sorry). there's um. also the klance titanic (historical not titanic the movie) au i wrote ages ago. haha. yeah. anyway.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

all of them. hfdsjkhfs no i honestly couldn't tell you. i have a mike flanagan-ass idea of a happy ending these days. maybe three's a crowd? hell if i know.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i've had a couple instances of people harassing me over them but never like. "your fic is so bad i hate it die". so maybe?? i'm too obscure to be getting hate at this point lol. who out here is gonna read beyonders fic just to comment mean things.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do not. i did try years ago. that notebook has since been put through the shredder and dumped into the recycling bin for good measure. (yes, it was that bad.)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

technically no but i've thought about it sometimes. they've all promptly fled my head though so just trust me on this one.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

gee i hope not. there's been a lot of suspicious similarities in some old cases but like. that literally does not matter to me anymore idc. it's not straight up theft in any case so not to my knowledge ig?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again not to my knowledge but i do have blanket permissions for that if anyone ever wanted to. it's cool.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

back in the 2010s my friend and i were writing a warriors fic together. she did one chapter, i did one, etc. i've had collaborative aus as well (cat's cradle and whatnot) but not a collaboratively written fic for any of them. me and tam were writing the coma au together but we're no longer in the fandom for that anymore, rest in peace coma au you were genuinely wonderful. i'm not opposed to the idea of collab fics but they always feel like a lot of work and i'm way way way too anxious to approach anyone about them.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

ah hell. i dunno. do i have to pick one?? like right in this moment i'd say locklyle and they've been here a hot minute (like. ten years almost) but i don't really have A Favorite I'd Choose Over Anyone Else.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

mm. penumbra anastasia au haunts me. i want it out of my wips folder. also wild geese is probably never getting finished ever. i do think i'll get split ends done eventually but that one's taking forever. as for ones not posted, well, rip the gospel tent au. i might try to convert it to a short story but lord. i don't know. and don't get me started on the final girl au or the empty grave possession au. throwing myself out a window. they'll never be done i'll never be free.

16. What are your writing strengths?

uh. i honestly don't know anymore. knowing exceedingly tedious canon details to the point where i can make all sorts of metaphors and allusions relevant to said canon? i really couldn't say. introspection i guess.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

yes. next question

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i have an overbearing anxiety that i will fuck it up somehow since i am a monolingual american loser. if i ever did need to i would definitely see if there's any native speakers willing to help translate or whatever bc i am not relying on google translate for that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

like liv, lord of the rings. i still have my first fanfic btw. it's written on tinkerbell notebook paper.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

it changes. if i were to be completely objective (or as close as i can get), completely removing my emotions on fandom from the equation, prob without anesthetic. because i think i constructed it just right. being a dirty little subjective, right now i think it's three's a crowd or swallowing jupiter or the swing of things. they're all wonderfully unhinged.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

TW: Sexualization of (fictional) minors/shipping discourse

Mod: batch 5 of these, so anons who need to can avoid the topic

1. if you have an opinion on shipping discourse/fiction purity/all that stupid BS, i just hope your dolls snap in half. don't care what the opinion is. go outside. shut the fuck up. get any other kind of life than the one you're living. you people -- all of you people, every single one of you people -- are literally the worst and most annoying people online and if all of you just up and vanished nothing, i mean nothing, of value would be lost. stop shitting up the doll blog for god's sake.

~Anonymous

2. Mini DDs are either hypersexualized or heavily child coded. Yes, there's overlap, but I have yet to see a nice MDD that isn't dressed like a toddler, a whore, or some combination of the two.

~Anonymous

3. Sorry to bring up this topic again. A reminder of how this all started, I guess, was with the Angelphilia doll. I went and looked and was genuinely confused... I'm sorry but as a CSA survivor who was abused from infancy to age 6, pedophilia refers specifically to pre-pubescent children... that doll does not look pre-pubescent, she looks like every other anime girl of an ambiguous high school age. It really bothers me as a survivor when people misuse and conflate terms. It's also really upsetting to see people equate fictionalized sexualization of post-pubescent representations of minors to actual, real abuse of children. Maybe this makes some of you uncomfortable but if it can be a tool to prevent abuse of real children, idc about fiction. Don't look at it if it upsets you or triggers you. Stop seeking it out. You are an adult now, you are not the victimized child anymore. Or, if you are so concerned, please get involved with a real organization that works in intervention and prevention of child sexual abuse and stop white knighting on the internet over fiction. Please. I wish there had been so many "concerned citizens" to intervene and protect me and the other victims of my biological father, as there are who make confessions about a piece of plastic.

~Anonymous

4. All we said was putting obviously underage characters in suggestive situations is fucking gross and we will block your disgusting ass if you post it, and sure enough the lolicon/shotacon defenders crawled out of the goddamn woodwork with their stupid little handbooks full of strawman arguments and smug fucking attitudes to scream at us to try to say we're the ones who need to touch grass or Let People Enjoy Things™ or whatever fucked up braindead holier-than-thou stance they're taking. God shut the hell up. I'm tired if seeing your disgusting asses showing up and defending this goddamn shit, you fucking pedos.

~Anonymous

5. I don't give a fuck about your issues, I still don't want lolicon in my fucking hobby and no smoothbrain pervert will make me feel otherwise

~Anonymous

6.Re: CSA

This hobby is full of Chicken Littles that see CSA everywhere. Most of you will never be reasonable about this. To the other reasonable people out there in BJDLand, do your own thing, and when one of these Chicken Littles starts squawking at you, go hard on them with ban hammers and legal threats for stalking and harassment. Scorch the earth around them so they will never bother you again. That, or make private places where you and other reasonable people can hang out. I know of a place already where reasonable BJD people hang out and you Chicken Littles can’t touch them. In b4 “Bait!” “You’re creepy Anon!” and so on. Go. Cry. Moar while being keyboard warrior slactivists.

~Anonymous

Mod: Reasonable People is doing a lot of heavy lifting here Anon, even as your neutral Mod I'm not sure that's the phrase I'd use for this

7. "Ch*ld s*x sells" is fucking disgusting, but to the right market, it is the truth. If you think that's not the case, you haven't been around long enough to see what most of us have seen. I've seen an entire fandom go to shit because the pedos flooded it and made it stigmatized to even be associated with the related media. It's sickening to watch go down in real time, and I absolutely refuse to sit by and watch the same thing happen in this hobby. At this point I'm convinced we're all yelling at the same person and their sock accounts anyway. But stop glorifying it. Stop normalizing it. Stop excusing it. Stop "boo hoo just don't look lol"-ing it. Stop "live and let live"-ing it. Stop "fuck you I'm a survivor and this shit is harmless so here's some shotacon I made hurrdurr die mad"-ing about it. Stop "I'm gonna accuse you of wasting authority resources on it because there's no victim involved lmao shut up"-ing it. Stop "lel touch grass and let me enjoy my lolicon"-ing it. Just stop. You're disgusting.

~Anonymous

8. Keep screaming at me all you want, I'm still going to call out and fight against lolicon in this hobby

~Anonymous

Mod: Batch post reply to a previous one:

9. "'It’s still just as gross as the real thing' This line, this line alone made you honestly the biggest asshole and I hope you're fucking ashamed. I hope you grow the fuck up and look in the mirror and see what a fucking dumbass you were saying this with 100% confidence."

I said what I said you fucking clown, die mad about it or go touch grass and fuck back off this blog where you belong

~Anonymous

10. I can't wait for the FCSAM debate to be over from this blog, there's too many dangerous and predatory opinions being given weight here and people are far too comfortable with their gross takes. Suggestive depictions of minors are fucking gross. Bottom line. If you disagree, you should be shunned.

~Anonymous

11. You know what is weord to me? I'm not seeing people screaming that your doll is LITERALLY THE SAME as REAL sexual abuse. Obvi that is dumb af. But we, as a group, need to understand that normalizing the sexualization of child features (yes, AP nono, YES panty shots of MDD) is not ok. The main point is that it validates and creates a safe space for pedo-like thoughts. Is that what we want?

~Anonymous

[batclawsss]

remaking my pinned post errmmm what the scallop ‼️

before you follow:

ok this next part isn’t quite a dni since I don’t think those get taken seriously anymore but more of a warning? to these kinds of ppl that this blog isn’t for you

blogs that have 18+ content (idc how much), prosh*ppers/comsh*ppers/anti antis or whatever, maps and aams, zoos, current fans of boyfriends on webtoon, conservatives/donald stans, terfs: GET BLOCKED. L BOZO :o)

oh and I use the tumblr app instead of the site so uhh. glitches yayy

abt me:

I go by she/her. I am a girlthing and I’m bisexual 🩷💜💙 yaaayayay

I’m 17 a minor

triple A battery (autism, adhd, anxiety)

more info under the cut

abt me part 2 electric boogaloo:

ipad kid at heart

cringe culture is dead :3!! i am cringe but I am free. if you think cringe is bad then you’re an ass and that’s worse <3

also safe place for queer ppl of all kinds! “contradicting” identities are rad!! bi lesbians? love y’all.

ask box is open. feel free to spam me with questions and things! remember to keep it positive :>

go follow my bestie @deathcherrycola right now or be boiled.

other blogs:

a bunch of these are inactive but oh well. at least I have a life outside my ipad.

@batclawsss-art my art

@batconsumescontent reblogs

@xx-scenegirlgalaxies-xx gen z nostalgia stuff, especially for the animation meme community

@infodumpy inactive random inspo reblogs

fan blogs (99% inactive)

@battiestpetshop littlest pet shop

@clancyposting the midnight gospel

@shitfart666 music, usually hyperpop, speedcore, and other weird people music

@theentireobjectshowcommunity osc

[babycapitalist]

BRO criticize as much as u want i am so sick of schlatt's tiktok videos 😭 this is getting into parasocial territory but this is literally a fanfiction blog so idc, i feel bad for him that he's clearly not getting the same success he wants from his more passionate vids vs the tiktok reactions but cmon man. the ones he really works on still get millions of views. he has said on chuckle sammy how he wants to make more artistic shit and like???JUST DO IT UR RICH. if i were in his position i sure as hell wouldn't only be making tiktok vids once every couple months. and he knows his fans hate it and we know he only does it for the money to fund his other projects but like... where are they. besides sleep deprived i guess, but thats just gaming vids now. i know for a fact he's planning something based on that background he's been slowly making and i can't wait for it. he kind of seems a bit miserable in a lot of the recent content he's been in and it makes me sad. i like when he does laidback things like streaming dayz or the truck driving thing and i wish he could at least feed us with a bit of that every now and then instead of making jokes about how he hates making the tiktok videos and then doing it anyway

his older videos focused on quality too!! the tiktok reaction ones qre genuinely so horrible i could barely sit through one and this is coming from someone who watched every single video he had online back in like 2021 😭 i feel like he just needs to get back on sdp and leave other projects behind tbh! can't stand the tiktok videos, i hate dsw (did schlatt win) and chuckle sandwich got so boring imo. aztro mika and panda actually compliment him very well and genuinely feel like actual friends (well duh they've been friends since 2016?) but with ted and the rest of the streamer friends he has it feels very "co-worker" yknow?? and it gets boring like very easily, also schlatt taking huge ass breaks annoys the shit out of me 😒 all for it to be dissapointing content IM GONNA GET VIOLENT!! whatever this project is that he's currently working on BETTER be good bcus I've been good content starved for so long I can't take it anymore. and you know very well the only reason he's still so focused on youtube is for that diamon play button 😭😭 that ai monkey channel I KNOW DAMN WELL ITS U SCHLATT.

[apocalypse-boogie]

Wow…Just…Fuck

spoilers:

How in the fuck does everyone somehow start blaming Laurie for Michael killing people? How did they even jump to that conclusion? Wth

Allison was so stupid, and for what? It’s like her character did a full 180 or something because how the hell did she let a blaring red flag of a man she just met convince her to fully turn on a woman she’s known all her life and was living with for the past four years? Make it make sense

Then Michael was just getting his ass whopped every other second he was on screen (which wasn’t a lot in the first place). Like, you can’t expect me to take the villain of your franchise seriously anymore when a half blind 21 year old that just fell off a bridge can kick his ass (yeah, I’m exaggerating but still). The end fight, which was a travesty all on its own, didn’t even feel tense because Michael had been losing all movie long so why wouldn’t Laurie have been able to kill his weak ass?

They also only gave him one kill before they had Corey jump him and snatch his mask. That was just lame. Even him killing Corey at the end couldn’t make up for how sucky that was.

There was exactly two kills that even kind of edged towards being cool A.) when Corey killed that asshole band kid by blowing fire into his mouth and B.) when the radio host was killed and only the radio host’s death was fully shown so it wins ‘top kill’ by a landslide.

Laurie herself was weird. I don’t know what they were going for with her character but at least out of everyone else in this movie she made the most sense, (?) which isn’t saying a lot but whatever

I really disliked this move if I’m being honest, and I’m easy af to please. I just hated it. I would’ve been furious if I’d gone to the movies to see this even.

Also, small nitpick, but what kind of band kids were those? As a band kid myself I don’t claim them. They were all also stupid and oddly vindictive, but definitely complete idiots and no one but the head boys seemed to be able to think for themselves. They were just super unlikable which may have been the point but idc

I’m not saying any of these to attack the people who worked on this film but I am going to express how wild (and disappointing) this was to watch. I don’t know? I feel like this is going to be another huge blow to the franchise. Also, I came into this movie optimistic (at least for the Michael scenes) and was still really thrown by the decisions made.

I also despise Corey with all my heart and soul (or as much of them I’m willing to give to a movie anyway). Like he was alright in the beginning and then he was all of a sudden swapping evil with Michael and then pretending to be him and his character just went downhill from there. He just wasn’t for me once Michael got to him and his overall inclusion was certainly a decision that was made. I’m just going to try and forget he ever existed.

[maryelizagreg]

Really should like do some sort of journal thing that’s like organized kind of like a self report analysis habit tracking mood thing all in one idk it’s science you’re welcome

(I.E when you become your own lab experiment)

Happy Halloween

I love coffee

Organize my thoughts and stuff so I can focus a little better because my focus is so… like jumbled and tangled up screwy laces

And I don’t know why but I need less of that, the meds help decrease it and allow my to organize my head and think clearly and straight but goddamn, the adhd is really kicking my ass sometimes it can be leveraged but it’s also a detriment and if it’s not ADD/ADHD then whatever it is, causing it, etc. idc how you label it but it’s def like, I feel like a mild minor struggle with focus sometimes going on

Just making a note and… so I can remember

Because that’s the thing is I don’t remember a lot unless I live like, a certain way, and I don’t know why that is exactly I could make a couple guesses but yeah

It’s… like okay things have to be a certain way or you could throw caution to the wind my goal now is to just find a happy medium where this isn’t something I even need to worry or think about????

Ideally.

J don’t want anymore problems ever again basically. Mental health wise. So that’s, why it’s such a priority and I’m like trying to stay ahead to prevent … but the truth is like, I don’t know if you truly can control every outcome so perfectly but at least like… my goal is to not relapse mental health wise…. At all but I know that’s probably like, an unrealistic ideal?? But yeah who the fuck wouldn’t

So yeah :) I’m just, doing that. You know.

But yeah big claps for eating pasta today 👏

Hopefully one day I can confidently say there’s nothing wrong with me

[dkdjnridet7744]

This apartment complex showed me how mean a drug dealer was that I knew. Oh yeah that's horse shit but I can't tell anyone what it is. At all. But I can cryptically half ass it here where nobody sees it! I wonder how big the place was that wasn't this place. And I wonder how many of me was chased and watched and hunted like pedophiles in Sarasota county.

Y'all have to live with that! HAHAHAHAHA IRENE I WIN! Apparently some guy I know is gonna get deported? No. Hes going to keep working and a really really public place. We don't bomb out areas for cover over here anymore. Well, that's all for that. Just my father's family. Ew.

Gabby needs to do hacking IDC. Literally. Like, get a laptop and go to parks and see if anyone is poking through to computers that keep water and stuff kept correctly. I mean, if you just get creepers to bomb the place a big moat get just the government building with them in it...it could go anyway. However I think there's going to be a lot of weird off heat news articles about security around THAT people.

It's literally the worst thing we'll see. The worst. He probably got Intel and stuff but who knows. He has to have known. Don't get me wrong Trump is a piece of shit. But that's not to say all that was just hanging out with relations in gold standing.

Well I was right kinda. Oh his dad knew. TRUMP SENIOR KNEW.

I don't know how on earth a b**** would be ignorant enough to sit and go oh so if this is a human being that knows XY and z they will never notice me. Go make sure you don't need to take cyanide and do whatever you need besides basically what's already kind of been done like not hidden because my son's dad has a ex girlfriend that like really liked black penis.

Poof. I'd hate to be black in Russia right now. I am delusional and can't take care of myself and may end up unpredictable and violent. Oh no. I'll be feeling my way through the woods for days on end now.

[cleostoohot]

𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐇𝐎𝐓 𝟒𝟒𝟒 𝐔 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄

omg i am so excited to drop this challenge! see me, i already know y’all are hotties, but unfortunately i don’t think all of you guys are aware of how bad ass you are. sooo i made this challenge because bitch it’s fucking time. if you were ever calling yourself something other than a mf queen.. imma need you to drop that because for the next 5 days we on our hot girl shit. period. and after these 5 days you will be stuck with that bad bitch mentality once & for all.

︴rules

» absolutely no-giv-ing-up. i don’t care what happens, you will not quit or tell yourself “you know what, i’ll restart tomorrow” nah fuck that. stop being so used to quitting just because you’re not seeing your desired results in 2 minutes. consistency is key my love. if you stick to a task, you will see amazing results. if you have to be delusional then be delusional idc just don’t quit on yourself because that will not work in your favor.

» give it your all, and trust me, it doesn’t take much. don’t be locked in one day then half ass it for the next 4. this is the new you. this is your new state. to physically stay in it, you must mentally remain in it (snap for me, thank you). remember what the end will look like and let that be your drive everyday.

» i’ve noticed this a lot with y’all and the 3dol x roe challenge. y’all be like “i’m on day 2 and blah happened. i feel like i’m about to spiral, help” gir- never did i say y’all can use me as someone to easily fall back on. just because you know i’ll give you advice and tips doesn’t mean mid challenge you can just stop with your mental diet to come ask for help. no. if something that you’re not fond of happens, what do you do? you don’t acknowledge it. that’s a results from your past thoughts, it doesn’t resonate with you anymore. just keep affirming & live in the 4d.

︴affirmations

i am truly the hottest bitch ever

i am sexy as fuck

why am i so damn fine

my attractiveness is unreal

my features are so alluring

my appearance puts people in a trance

i don’t understand how i’m so fine

i am the sexiest person i know

nobody can compare to my appearance

i get finer by the day

pick your favorite affirmations to be your main one (you can of course edit the affirmations to your likings or also add ROE).

︴routine

⋙ follow whatever routine you want. just adds these activities ⌵

mirror work: i feel like mirror work just unlocks a new power within you. saying your affirmations to your own reflection. looking yourself in the eyes as you rampage about how fucking bad you are is so tuff. you will really be feeling like a god! do that at least 2x.

15 minute meditation: for 15 minutes, play a meditation audio, or not (here’s my fav) and just live solely in the 4d. rampage in your head about being such a hot ass mf. do not waver, contradict yourself, any of that. it’s fucking true.

subliminals?: i kind of wanna be a subliminal gyal again idk. but i made a subliminal playlist for this challenge. knowing me i will not listen every single night but definitely some.

hottie playlist: my favoriteeee! make a playlist full of songs that makes you feel like a bad ass bitch! no sad, depressing verses at all. straight bad bitch energy. play your playlist however many times you want in a day. music really be controlling your feelings so i feel like this will really help with aligning your thoughts.

my playlist! don’t judge okay. esp that nle choppa song lmaooo.