#kinda forgot... i had a photography assignment...

[solplease]

FINALLY.... I HAVE ONE ASSIGNMENT LEFT.

[channiebbang]

courting

synopsis: y/n has a massive crush on renjun and renjun has too much going on to care, or alternately, y/n courts renjun and gets him to like her, with a small misunderstanding in the middle.

characters: Huang Renjun, Na Jaemin, Main Character and a lil bit of Lee Jeno and Lee Haechan.

pairing: collegestudent!renjun x collegestudent!maincharacter

genre: fluff and a lil bit of angst

word count: 6.7k

warnings: noneeee

author’s note: it took me whole damn minute to write this lol initially i wanted the story to go differently but i kinda forgot along the way lmaooo this was supposed to be a han jisung one shot at first but then renjun inspired me more 🤠 i hope you enjoy reading this! let me know what you think about it! 🥺💛

she still remembered the first day she saw him. the first day she knew what love at first sight was.

renjun had always been a very reserved person. he liked to keep to himself and only hangout with his few friends. that ofcourse didn't mean he had no popularity around campus because holy shit did everyone know the boy.

he was known for being donghyuk's bestfriend, for being a clever student, for being a witty genius, a straight A student, a bookworm. but most of all he was knows for being the handsome dude that like silence, and being by himself when he wasn't with his friend.

y/n, like everyone else, knew of a huang renjun, but she had never had the honour to see him. see, y/n too was always immersed in her studies, and when she wasn't she liked to chill with her friends or be home with her family. she was a simple girl.

so imagine her surprise when one day, as she waited for her friend, she saw the most beautiful, handsome boy walk by. she was surprised because how could she, in her last two years of being in the same campus, not have seen this beautiful man. he must have been new, he had to. spoiler alert: he wasn't, she just never paid attention to her surroundings.

it was a few days after that she had seen him again and thanks to her friend she got to know that he was the huang renjun.

so, being the smart person she was, she decided she would court him. yes, court. like they did centuries ago. she would court him. despite not knowing anything about him, other than what people told her, she wanted yo get to know him and hopefully date him. simple as that.

huang renjun on the other hand, couldn't careless when word got around that a certain y/n had a crush on him. it never bothered him when other people came up to him so he didn't see how she would be any different. he just wanted to be chill.

he already had a lot on his plate with trying to balance his studies, art assignments, work, social life and family back at home to care about some fleeting crush someone had on him.

with having to live alone for so long he had already too much stuff going on and really couldn't be bothered to add more to it.

-

with the start of the new semester came the news that it was recommended to take another course for some extra credits and as much as renjun didn't want to he resigned himself and took a photography course. now, don't get him wrong, he loved photography. but he had already so much on his plate he didn't know how he was going to balance it all. thankfully, his friend jaemin was taking the course with him. and jaemin, being the sweetest, most caring, friend he was agreed to renjun's request to always group together if there was need. payment fee: be his model for the fashion course he was taking. renjun begrudgingly agreed. it was only just trying on clothes after all.

so on the first day of the new photography lesson the two boys walked in and sat somewhere in the middle, waiting for their professor to arrive.

"don't go back on your words," jaemin sent renjun a pointed look, his hands working on taking out his stuff.

"yeah, yeah," renjun muttered not looking up from his bag.

the sound of laughter made him look up towards the door, his eyes shifting back down to his bag when he saw a few girls walk in.

"oh, that's y/n," he heard jaemin mutter. renjun only hummed while finally putting his bag down by his feet.

"what?" jaemin asked as he turned towards his friend, brows furrowed in confusion. renjun shared the same look.

"what what?" he asked, kinda lost.

"that," jaemin subtly nodded towards the group of girls that sat a few seats in the front, on the side, before continuing, "is y/n," renjun followed his gaze only to look back at his friend.

"so?" he asked, not knowing where this was going. jaemin scoffed rolling his eyes.

"just showing you who your admirer is," he explained, renjun smiled before shaking his eyes.

"thank you for you kind service, sir," sarcasm dropped from every word, jaemin turned to him with a smirk.

"hmm kinky. call me that more," he slightly nudged him with his shoulder, leaning his elbow on the desk and resting his head on his palm. renjun's smile disappeared and he faked a punch to him, jaemin flinching away.

"get lost."

-

it took her a few more days for y/n to build up the courage to approach the boy.

she was nervous but she also told herself that if she got rejected then, well, it was a new experience. i mean, she had a 90% chance he would reject her. how she knew? well for starters, he was known for rejecting people, he made it very clear he wasn't interested in a relationship at all. people also said he was basically unapproachable, intimidating and cold.

she had mixed feelings about the last few; she had seen him multiple times with his friends, and he always seemed to have a soft smile on his lips and a glowing aura. so how could he be cold and intimidating?

but. now that she was standing a few feet away from him she could totally understand why they said he was unapproachable.

the boy wasn't with any of his friends. his expression was set to stone, to say the least.

y/n gave herself a little cheer before she started walking towards where he was going.

it's alright, just be yourself. people like bright people, right? it's gonna be okay. she told herself.

renjun's head snapped to the side when someone fell in step with him. he turned his gaze forward again thinking they might be walking by.

"hi!" y/n smiled brightly at the boy. renjun turned towards her again, his eyes looking around him in case she was talking to someone else but they were the only two walking. he slowly came to a stop.

"are you talking to me?" he asked, finger pointing at his chest. y/n giggled before nodding. she raise a hand, waving.

"hi, I'm y/n," she introduced herself. renjun sent her a skeptical look before nodding.

"renjun," he spoke uncertainly wondering why she was approaching him.

y/n felt at a loss of words after that. honestly speaking, she had never flirted with anyone or even tried to win anyone over really.

now, it's not like she had never dated, that she has, but she never made the first more.

her exes had told her that she tended to be a bit oblivious when people flirted with her, what with her being always friendly.

so being on the other end felt a bit nerve wrecking. she had a lot of respect for people that made the first move all of a sudden.

"i don't know if you heard about it, people really seem to like gossiping around here but i kinda like you," she said with a smile on her face.

renjun blinked. once. twice. a third time, before coughing awkwardly.

"what?" he spluttered caught off guard. y/n snorted.

"i like you," she repeated, the smile never wavering. she hiked up the strap of her bag on her shoulder.

suddenly her name clicked in renjun's head and he remembered seeing her in his photography class. he cursed under his breath before turning forward again.

"not interested," he muttered under his breath before stepping around her and walking towards where he was going before. y/n cursed under her breath before stumbling after him. the both unaware of the stealing glances people were giving them.

"i know you aren't," she fell into step beside him again. renjun took a deep breath before speeding up. y/n watched him before clumsily shuffling and taking two steps every one stride he took. renjun noticed and a smirk pulled up the corner of his mouth, before falling just as quickly.

"i will court you, if that's okay with you," she started again, "i know you're not interested in me. i will put in the effort to get you to like me," she giggled facing him as she followed.

renjun threw her a confused look before shaking his head. y/n checked the time on her phone before her eyes widened.

"shoot! my class starts in a bit, i gotta run! i'll hear from you again, bye renjun!" she waved before turning and running away, without waiting for the boy to say bye back. renjun scoffed at her childishness before getting in the hall where his class was going to be.

-

so that's how occasionally renjun would find chocolates or flowers on his desk in photography. jaemin had made it his job to tease him every time the two came into the class to find the little gifts. the blue haired guy even telling their other friends about it.

renjun had made it a routine to hand over all the chocolates he got to jaemin everytime, even though his favourite was among the little bunch. upon jaemin's question as to why he wouldn't eat at least the ones he liked, renjun's answer was, "i don't want to give her false hope and think i appreciate it."

and as much as he liked the flowers he gave those to jaemin as well, only to take them back saying they would be nice as props for art inspiration.

just like every other photography class, y/n had walked into the class with a few girls before they all walked to their spot. she looked over where renjun and jaemin usually sat, smiling when she saw the both sitting there. she fished out the little sketchbook and small flower ensemble from her bag before putting the latter on the desk and getting up.

"why do you do this all the time? it's clear he doesn't like you," one of the girls inquired, a smile on her lips. y/n shrugged, her eyes trained on one person only.

"i know he doesn't, but he also doesn't like anyone else," she winked down at the girl before stepping out of the desk, "which means, i still have a chance," she giggled as she turned around before walking towards the two boys.

"hi!"

the two bickering boys looked up at the sound of the chirpy voice before renjun rolled his eyes and jaemin smiled big at the girl.

"hi, y/n, what a surprise," jaemin teased as he winked at the girl. y/n giggled, a slow blush creeping up her neck.

"hello, jaemin," she politely waved before turning her eyes towards renjun, "hi, renjun."

renjun looked up towards her before averting his eyes again, "hi," he politely said.

his eyes shifted to his desk when y/n put down her small gift on his desk, his brows furrowing.

"why are you giving me this?" he asked, a slight tone in his voice. jaemin nudged him with his knee.

"thought you'd like a small sketchpad to have on you wherever you went. just in case you got a sudden burst of inspiration," she explained, the smile never leaving her lips. renjun looked up at her, a stoic expression on his face. y/n's smile faltered a small fraction but she hoped she masked it before her could notice.

renjun's eyes remained on the girl as he picked up the sketchpad and slowly pushed it aside on the desk, on jaemin's side.

"i don't need it," he deadpanned. y/n cleared her throat before brining up her smile again.

"then throw it away," she shrugged her shoulders before turning away and going back to her seat as renjun started after her, jaemin snickering beside him.

"well," he chuckled, "didn't see that coming."

-

it was at the end of the day, when renjun was walking around campus on his way to the library, that someone fell into step with him. he already knew who it was as a slow breeze wafted a floral scent his way.

he threw her a fleeting glance before making a double take. he felt his breath hitch in his throat before he masked it away.

the girl beside him looked ethereal in her baby blue shirt and high waisted loose fitting gray pants. her hair flew softly around her shoulders and face as the wind blew. the golden hue the sunset casted on her making her skin glow in contrast to her top. the cherry lip stain she had on brought accent to her lips in the most beautiful ways. renjun looked away as her eyes met his. she giggled. and renjun would never admit that to jaemin or his other friends but the sound was slowly growing on him.

"the weather is very nice today," she spoke taking a big breath, "want to get some ice cream?" she asked hopefully. renjun turned towards her only to be faced with big, bright eyes, shining in a way he could not put into words.

clearing his throat he turned away again as they made their way down the sidewalk.

"what are you doing?" he asked, his voice low and calculated, genuinely curious. y/n threw him a look before stepping behind him as a woman with a stroller passed by them. she peeked from behind him as she stepped beside him again.

"courting," she spoke with an obvious tone as they stopped in front of a streetlight.

"why?" he asked as they crossed the road. he came to a stop on the side of the street when he realized she had been following him.

"well," she started, "of course because i like you," she nodded, adjusting her bag strap.

"you don't even know me," he deadpanned. y/n rolled her eyes, an exasperated sigh leaving her lips and renjun's brows furrowed.

"well, of course not, that's the whole point of me courting you, dummy," her voice dripped incredulity as if he had asked the most obvious question.

he rolled his eyes as he started walking again, ignoring her words. she scurried after him as she tried keeping up with his steps. five seconds passed before she nudged him with her shoulder, grinning. a groan left his lips in response.

"so," she stretched out the word, "can i? court you i mean," her eyes went big as she waited for his answer. he let out a big sigh.

"it's not like you haven't been already doing it," he murmured. y/n's brows furrowed.

"you're right, i'm sorry about that," she apologized, and renjun could hear the pout before he even turned to look at her, "i'll stop if you want to. i really want your permission though. i wouldn't want to do anything you wouldn't like," she grumbled, upset she had unintentionally invaded his space.

renjun stared at her clear upset pout before he sighed again. he had been doing that a lot lately.

why am i agreeing to this, he thought as he closed his eyes for a second before he opened them again and turned a corner, y/n turning a second late.

"you can," he muttered as he stopped walking. y/n's eyes grew big as she gasped. her eyes lit up and a smile stretched over her lips as she looked up at him with big eyes.

"i can?" she asked in wonder.

"sure, be my guest," he shrugged his shoulders.

"really?" she asked again and renjun only nodded, his expression blank.

"but," he brought his index finger up and she looked at it before nodding, "i won't put aside my studies, job or anything just for your delusional attempt at flirting."

"courting! COURTING!" she corrected him after a loud groan and an eye roll. renjun doing the latter as well.

"yeah yeah whatever, that," he waved at her dismissively. she smiled at him.

"that's okay, but don't shut me out. you have to give me opportunities to court you, you have to be fair," she pointed at him as she pouted. renjun looked from her face to her pointed finger before he pushed it down. y/n's eyes shifting to the finger before muttering a sorry.

he glanced at her sideways a snort leaving him, "yeah, okay."

she smiled before a confused look took over as she looked at their surroundings.

"uhh, where are we?" she asked unsure, renjun looked back at the store they stopped in front.

"didn't you want to get ice cream?" he asked and y/n's eyes lit up a cheer leaving lips as she bounced on her heels.

"yes yes! let's go! it's my treat," she laughed as she pushed him aside and walked inside.

"sure," renjun muttered following her inside.

and that's how her courting began. sometimes it was ice creams, other times it was afternoons at the library, evenings in the art lab. and it went on for a few months. renjun's friends would sometimes tease him about y/n and he would begrudgingly tell them he wasn't dating her. he had explained times and times again what y/n said she were doing and they had told him the same thing every time.

yeah yeah dating, we get it.

word was getting around campus that the renjun was dating y/n and it was safe to say it was the hottest news. renjun, who had never cared about what they ever said about him, this time too, didn't bother to correct anyone.

-

y/n checked her phone as she speed walked. she was late to meet renjun and she knew how much he hated tardiness. she cursed under her breath as she skipped around the corner. her eyes searched around in hopes to catch a glimpse of the ash brown color haired guy. a smiled adorned her lips as she saw him. she was about to call out his name when she noticed him talking to someone. she jogged up to him and smiled as his eyes shifted to her.

"you're-," he started before she interrupted him.

"late. i know, i know. i'm sorry, i had to talk a bit to the TA," she giggled in apology and he rolled his eyes as he bid goodbye to the girl he was talking to.

"i'll get back at you about it. try to find as much as you can about the topic," he stretched his lips in a make shift smile for a second in greeting and the girl nodded, a teasing smile on her lips.

"don't get too lost in your date. i won't do the whole project on my own because you're out dating," she smiled jokingly. y/n pressed her lips together as her big eyes watched between the two.

the stranger's smile slowly fell as she noticed renjun wasn't smiling in the least, his face stone serious.

"don't worry about my date, worry about doing your part, bye."

and he turned and started walking away. y/n watched between his retreating back and her baffled face, an embarrassed blush adorning her cheeks.

"he's like that with everyone, don't take it too at heart," y/n sent an encouraging smile.

"y/n!" her head whipped to see renjun waving at her to be quick. she smiled for a last time to the girl before she ran up to him.

they walked in silence for a few minutes as she pouted. renjun took a deep breath before he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes.

"what?" he asked already knowing why she was pouting. she sent him a narrowed stare.

"you didn't have to be that rude," she sighed as she grasped the bag strap across her chest.

"yeah, well she was being nosy," he shrugged his shoulders.

"she was trying to be friendly."

"yeah, well she was trying to be friendly by being nosy and i don't like it."

y/n snorted at his pouted reply.

"ah!" y/n suddenly remembered as she rummaged into her bag, renjun watched her with curious eyes.

"here, this is for you," a small bag was pushed towards her and renjun carefully took it before opening it.

"what is this?" he asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"what do you mean? it's food, silly!" y/n giggled.

"yeah, why?" he asked, slowly fishing out one of the corndogs in the bag. y/n rolled her eyes jokingly.

"because you like them," she said after a sigh left her lips, wondering how he could be so oblivious. he nodded not feeling like arguing with her. no matter how many times he had told her not to spend money on his she never listened.

when he realized she just was a giving person he figured he would just buy her ice creams on the times they would go together.

"this is my stop, i'll see you around," renjun nodded at y/n as they stopped in front of the bus stop. y/n smiled as she nodded and waved. the bus stopped in front of the two and y/n watched as he walked up to the doors and into the bus, not once looking back.

as the doors closed and went away, so did her smile. she took a deep breath wondering if she had been too forceful on renjun.

was I too pushy? should I have backed away when he said he didn't like me?

and somehow she figured that really, renjun didn't need to like her. he had never said he liked her. it was all her.

she had been the one to push herself into his life, she had been the one wanting to court him, she had been the one to always wait for him after his classes, she had been the one dragging him to the ice cream parlor every other day.

renjun had always been clear on his feelings. he had said it in the beginning he didn't like her. he had only agreed to it all because he was nice, only going to get ice cream because she dragged him.

"hey! why the long face?"

y/n turned towards the sudden voice, her smile back on her lips as she crossed eyes with jaemin. she shook her head.

"got lost in my thoughts," she smiled, "it's getting late, i'll see you tomorrow!" and she was gone jogging to her bus stop.

jaemin let out a deep breath, wondering if she knew she was very bad at concealing her feelings from showing on her face.

-

golden rays seeped through the curtains in the silent home. a sweet melancholy atmosphere buzzed in the atmosphere. the silence creeped up the walls and enveloped the whole apartment.

the beeping of the main door unlocking sounded like a shrill sound in the otherwise mute surrounding. feet shuffled in before closing the door. soft steps sounded loud, the switch being turned on illuminated the whole flat in a bright light.

a sigh left her lips as she let her bag fall on the couch, walking to the bathroom.

twenty minutes later she was sat on the couch, a towel in her hand as she dried her hair. the silence made her ears ring, she hated it. hated this feeling.

she hated not being able to trust anyone, hated that she had nobody she could call friend at college, hated how she knew the people she hung out with during those few hours talked behind her back, called her naive, stupid, loser. she knew it all but she hung out with them either way.

y/n thought about calling her boss and going to work, being busy sounded like a thrilling idea instead of sitting in this silence, but she knew they were full.

she took a deep breath willing her mind not to fall in the deep hole she knew it was going to if she didn't busy herself fast.

so she got up and discarded her damp towel on the rack in the balcony before walking to the kitchen, wondering if cooking something would take her mind away from memories she wanted to keep locked away.

-

"renjun ah!"

jaemin walked into the room in search of his friend, his mind set on getting his words across the thick headed idiot.

he closed the door behind himself, his narrowed eyes set on the boy playing a game on his couch. renjun's eyes fled to jaemin before focusing back on the game.

"jeno and haechan said it will take half an hour and then they'll be here," he informed the blue haired male as he angrily pressed the buttons on his controller. jaemin nodded before taking four strides in front of the tv and turning it off.

"bro! what the fuck!" renjun shrilled, mouth hanging open in surprise.

"you're losing anyway," jaemin deadpanned before looking him straight in the eyes, "we need to talk."

"about?" renjun threw the controller aside, wondering what was this serious.

"y/n."

"what about her?" renjun sighed as he leaned back against the couch, curious where this conversation was going.

"don't you think you're being a bit unfair to her?" jaemin asked, his tone calm.

"how? i didn't do anything," his brows furrowed as he stared at his friend. a slight sliver of irritation hit him as he wondered if she had gone to whine to his friend about him.

"exactly, you don't do anything while she does everything!" jaemin exclaimed, his arms spreading before falling by his sides again.

"i don't know what you're reaching at, jaem," renjun sighed as his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose.

"what i'm trying to say, jun, is that the poor girl has been trying to woo your ass so hard for so long and you won't do anything about it!"

"what do you want me to do!" renjun exclaimed, suddenly feeling attacked, "she was the one that wanted to do all this courting bullshit! i never asked to do it! i told her i didn't like her!" he defended himself and jaemin rolled his eyes at his friend's stupidity. and he was supposed to be the top student huh?

"at least tell her again before she falls more for you while you don't care then! the poor girl has tried everything to make you like her! she knows your habits, your order at the café, pays attention to what you say, what you do. hell! she even knows when you crave your stupid milkshake because you had a bad day at college!" jaemin tried to reason with him.

"did she complain at you about all this? i swear!" renjun groaned as he stood on his feet, beyond angry that she had the audacity to complain when she was the one to start all this. jaemin looked at renjun as if he grew a second head.

"what? no! why would she say anything to me? it doesn't take a genius to figure all this out when the moment she's not with you she has sadness written all over her face."

"oh so now i'm the bad guy, great!" renjun laughed mockingly.

"nobody said you're the bad guy, jun," jaemin's voice softened up as he stared at his friend, clear anger on his features, "all i'm saying is to take into consideration her feelings too, and if your feelings still haven't changed for her then to tell her so she can move on."

renjun snatched his jacked from the armrest of the couch before storming towards the door.

"where are you going?" jaemin asked, his tone alarmed at the anger renjun was displaying.

"tell her to fuck off and not complain to my friends," hw muttered as he pulled away the door.

"oh! hey guys," jeno's eyes widened as renjun pushed away from him and haechan on his way out of the door. the two standing on the door stared as he walked away before turning towards jaemin.

"what's going on?" haechan asked as they stepped inside their den. jaemin waved his fingers in his hair as he let out a frustrated sigh.

"i think talking to him was a bad idea."

-

it was almost 11pm when y/n's phone rang. she was almost falling asleep on her couch when it started ringing, waking her up right away. she smiled softly as she read the name of the caller, clearing her voice as she picked up the call.

"hello? renjun?" she softly asked, wondering why he called her at this hour.

"send me your address, we need to talk," his cold tone made a shiver run down her spine as she muttered an okay before he hung up.

thirty minutes later he texted her to come out front. in the chilly breeze he stood in front of her apartment complex. she was wearing a hoodie and sweats as she walked out. she smiled at him as she stopped to stand in front of him.

"hey, it's cold, you can come inside-,"

"what do you want from me?" he interrupted her. a look of confusion fleeting across her face as she stared up at him.

"what?" her voice was small as she spoke. renjun rolled his eyes.

"why would you go and rant to my friends about shit that you could've told me?" he accused, and her confused expression just angered him more as he scoffed.

"ah yes! now comes the 'i don't know what you're talking about'. you wanted to do this courting crap, i told you before that i didn't like you! i don't understand why you would antagonize me to my own friends when i never even wanted this in the first place!"

"what? renjun that's not-"

"i don't care! just stay out of my life, will you? stop whatever you're doing, i don't care about any of it. this was stupid anyway," he mutter the last few words before turning away.

he had taken just a step before y/n grasped his arm.

"renjun," she called him, "i don't know what happened but this is not what-"

"are you saying my friends lied to me?" his head whipped back and y/n let go of his arm right away at the nasty look he threw at her. she softly shook her head.

"that's not what i said," she muttered adn renjun scoffed before turning away again.

"then stay the fuck away," he spat as he walked away and y/n stared after him as she felt a sharp pain on her chest, the familiar pain of heart break happening all over again.

-

she had stayed away from his as he asked. she didn't reach out anymore and she didn't approach him either. figured out if she was forcing herself on him, the least she could've done is listen to him and stay away.

jaemin regretted talking to his stubborn friend when he had pushed his shoulder against the girl's and greeted her just to receive a tight lipped smile and a soft hi before she had speed walked away. seconds later renjun had stood by his side, his eyes on the girl as he scoffed.

"what did she want?" he sneered and jaemin's furrowed his brows as he turned to face his friend.

"renjun," he called his attention and the latter turned around to face him.

"she never said anything to me," jaemin went straight to the point and when renjun made to say anything he held up his hand.

"i'm not covering for her. she never said anything to me or anyone. hell, she never even talked about you to me. all i know about what you teo had going on was from what you told me," jaemin took a deep breath at renjun's furrowed brows.

"that day you wouldn't listen to me. I don't know why you were that angry but she really didn't ever say anything. whatever i talked to you about was all because i wanted to say it. so if you have feelings for her tell her and if you don't then at least apologize to her," jaemin tried to reason with him

"we're best friends, i'm gonna tell you when you're wrong and being an idiot. and now, you're both," jaemin smiled at renjun before clapping his arm and walking to their photography class. renjun didn't say anything, too immersed in his thoughts.

they walked into the room and renjun's eyes were right away on y/n. she sat in her usual seat, surrounded by her friends as they laughed about something. y'n smiled but it didn't reach her eyes, she laughed but it didn't sound genuine and renjun wondered how he was able to tell. he shook his head and walked behind jaemin to their seat.

"hey, aren't you going to say hi to renjun?" one of y/n's friends. y/n's smile dimmed a little before she masked again and shook her head.

"i'm not doing that anymore," she shrugged her shoulders as to not seem too sad. the girls around her snickered and y/n felt a chill run down her spine.

"why? did he reject you?" one asked and y/n sent a tight lipped smile as she hummed.

"y/n! come here for a moment, please!" the professor called her and she thanked the heavens she got saved like that.

she got off her seat and walked down the steps carefully. what she didn't miss is the girls next words. they intended for her to hear it and they also wanted renjun to hear.

"of course he would reject her, she was so pushy with it."

renjun's brows furrowed as he heard those words, wondering how did friends talk about their friend like that, but what angered him more was that it was obvious y/n had heard them but she had just kept walking to the professor.

renjun shook his head telling himself he shouldn't care. he knew he had to apologize at some point but he also knew he didn't care for her, he had no feelings for her... right?

but as he watched the girl talk to the professor with her smile painted on, his heart tightened.

-

it was late at night when renjun lied in his bed, facing the ceiling, his body aching from slaving away at work, his shoulders in pain from the hunched evenings he spent in the library and the heavy feeling in his chest from having to balance so many things at once, that he longed for someone to rely on. finally he was coming to terms with the truth.

the truth was that y/n had been that one person that made it all go away; the aching, the pain, the heaviness and the emptiness. she had taken all of it away without even trying to. renjun thought back at that evening when he had went to a shop with his friends and as his eyes caught sight of the little fluffy keyring he had grasped it and with a small smile he had thought 'y/n will like this' only to remember y/n wasn't there anymore. he had pushed her away.

renjun's brows furrowed as he suddenly sat up, a determined look on his face. he had to make it right. he had to apologize.

so with a new found adrenaline pumping through his veins he got up from his bed and quickly threw on a hoodie and his shoes before running out of his home.

-

y/n secured the lock on the convenience store she worked at, shaking the door to check if she had locked it correctly, before taking the short walk to her building.

the chilly breeze felt refreshing against her cheeks as she walked the uphill street.

she stepped under the streetlight in front of her building when she noticed a crouched figure in front of her main door. she slowed down as she got creeped out, wondering where the security guard was.

the sound of footsteps made renjun snap his head up only for his eyes to cross y/n carefully stepping up to him, her eyes unsure before realization dawned on her.

"renjun?" she asked confused and surprised. renjun stood up before dusting off his jeans.

"hey," he whispered before realizing y/n was probably waiting for an explanation, "uhh, i rang up but nobody answered s-so i just thought about waiting here for you," he stuttered before clearing his throat and looking away, his eyes shifting to look around himself in emberassment. y/n smiled comfortingly and nodded.

"did you need anything?" she asked softly, and renjun stared at her for a moment before his brows furrowed.

"don't smile," he murmured and y/n's eyes widened before she blinked away.

"uhh sorry?" her tone unsure before renjun shook his head at the misunderstanding and waved his hand in front of him.

"no no, that's not what i meant. i meant like- if you don't mean it then don't. you don't have to fake it," he explained and y/n nodded her smile returning.

"i'm not faking it, i couldn't with you," she giggled before nodding with big eyes, encouraging renjun to continue.

"i- uhh, i wanted to apologize," he took a big breath, "for the way i snapped at you that day, without knowing anything. i shouldn't have been so rash on you. jaemin cleared things with me and i have to say, it was a total dick move of me to just assume you did something," he rambled on and y/n nodded.

"it was," she interrupted him and he nodded, looking down.

"but you don't have to worry about anything, i won't bother you anymore. i'm sorry too for pushing myself on you like that."

renjun's head snapped up at her words, his brows furrowed as she shifted on her feet, her fingers tight around her bag strap.

"no," he muttered and y/n's brows raised in question, "let's- let's try again, this time i'll meet you in the middle," he nodded and y/n stared at him, her lips parted so renjun took it upon himself to elabprate.

"i realized," he licked his lips as his eyes looked around before settling on her, his eyes screaming determination, "that i didn't realize how much you helped me until i pushed you away. i didn't realize how much i relied on you for comfort. until you were gone. you were there for me in so many ways, a-and i realized how much i liked having you around, how much i thought about you, until you weren't there anymore. i realized how much just the thought of you brought me calmness until i couldn't turn to you anymore. and calmness is what i needed, is all i needed to balance my crazy everyday life, and i want you in it again, but this time for good, and the right away," renjun took a deep breath after being done, feeling like if he didn't say all that at once he wouldn't be able to make her realize how much he needed her.

y/n's eyes shone as she looked at him.

"jun," she whispered and her tone panicked renjun. it was so quiet, so frail and it sounded like she had just given up, "you don't have to force yourself to make me feel better, i can handle rejection. it will hurt for a bit but i'll be okay," she reassured him and renjun shook his head.

"no, no, i'm not doing this because i feel bad for you," his brows furrowed and his tone laced with offence. he took a step towards her and wrapped his arms around her all of a sudden. y/n's eyes widened as her hands rested on his sides, taken by surprise at his sudden hug. renjun wasn't really known to be affectionate, "i really wanna give this a try. this time the right away, please, let's try," he murmured against the side of her face.

y/n slowly pulled away and looked at his eyes, shining like the stars above, he was absolutely breath taking. and she smiled, her usual soft smile as she reached up a hand to shift away a loose hair strand falling in front of his eyes.

"okay," she nodded and renjun smiled as he nodded. his cheeks suddenly went up in flames when he noticed his arms still around her frame and she giggled, slowly pulling away.

"have you eaten?" she asked as she turned away to put in the password to the building doors, and renjun smiled as the heaviness that once settled on his shoulders felt lighter and his chest hurt less.

"are you inviting me up?" he asked hopeful and she turned her head around to throw a funny look his way, "i'm telling you, i'm so exhausted i will eat everything in your fridge, sure you wanna risk that?" he teased as she opened the door and stepped aside to let him in.

"i'll take my chances," she smiled as he took a hold of her hand and pulled her towards the elevator, a smile adorning both of their faces.

[hpcprecure]

Happy Campers Precure Chapter Two: Not Strong Enough! Cure Fern Spreads her Roots!

Here’s Happy Campers chapter two! Enjoy!

Airi woke to three girls, and a camp helper at the door of the cabin. "Girls, this is Ena Nakayama, Mei Hashimoto, and err..what was your name again?"

"April Laverne, obviously." The girl replied, flipping her pink and blue long hair.

"Right. Anyway, these girls will be staying in your cabin. April is going to be the counselor, so make sure you listen to her." The camp helper left, and the girls entered the cabin.

"So why weren't you guys in here last night?" Hina asked moving her stuffed, overflowing bag from one of the empty bunks.

"I had a mix up. It's kinda a long story." Ena said, pulling her suitcase up to the top bunk.

"I just arrived this morning. My parents drove me." Mei explained, neatly folding her clothes under her bed.

"I was doing you know..camp counselor stuff." April awkwardly explained, setting a lamp onto the tiny dresser she had next to her bed.

Hina looked at her schedule, and scrambled to her feet, "Everyone, its time for breakfast!" She exclaimed, putting her glasses on and walking to the door.

"Oh crud! I still need to change!" Airi said, running to the bathroom.

"I'll stay back with her then. You girls go ahead." April said, shoving her suitcase under her bed. After Airi changed, she was about to walk out, when April grabbed her.

"What was that for?!" Airi yelled.

"Don't you recognize me Airi?"

"Uh, no I don't?" Airi shrugged.

"Maybe it would be better if I changed into my other form then." April said, then in the blank of an eye, transformed into a small pink bunny.

"Anzu!? You can turn into a human!?" Airi asked in shock.

"Uh huh. It would be annoying to just pretend to be a stuffed animal, so I took the easier route. Pretend to be a counselor, and take over your cabin."

"I've got so many questions. But more importantly, what even happened last night?" Airi asked, brushing her hair. Anzu turned back into a human, then sat on her bed.

"The short version is, I'm from the Kingdom of Fun, and conflict rarely happened, and everyone was happy. Then, one day, the Queen's sister, Eudoria, left and created her own kingdom, where everyone just stayed inside. They were called The Realm of Happiness, though everyone there was far from happy. This caused our Queen,Juniper, to get mad at her and try to negotiate with her sister. After this, the Realm of Happiness attacked, causing everyone in The Kingdom of Fun to be captured. Queen Juniper sent me to earth to find Pretty Cure, since I'm obviously was the best fit to do it. Now the Realm soldiers are after Earth, and you are the only one who can protect it, other than me, obviously."

"Realm soldiers? Like the girl who tried to capture you yesterday?" Airi wondered aloud.

"Yep. She's one of the most elite ones, Adelaide."

"Are you sure I can save the world myself?"

"I'm confident in your ability, though some other pretty cures might join you."

Airi looked at Anzu's clock. "Oh no! Breakfast is almost over! We need to get going!" Airi almost ran out of the door before Anzu put something into her hand.

"You almost forgot your compass! You have to bring it with you everywhere, now that you're a cure and all."

"Thanks for reminding me, Anzu!" Airi said, before running to the mess hall. After getting her food, Airi looked for a seat.

"Hey Airi! I'm over here!" Hina yelled, while waving at her. Airi looked over at Hina, then ran over.

"They assign tables by cabin, so that's why Mei,Hina and I are sitting over here. The counselors eat somewhere else though." Ena explained, finishing off her omelet.

"We get to choose what clubs we want to join today!" Hina exclaimed, "I have so many things I want to do though. I don't think I'll be able to pick!" Hina slammed the list of electives onto the table, knocking over some empty cups.

"I'm definitely choosing photography. I also think I'll do dancing and..." Ena paused to look over the paper "Singing sounds fun." Airi looked over the list, trying to figure out what to do other than tennis. Swimming sounded fun, and would build up stamina, and horseback riding would help with that as well. Then again, creative writing would probably help improve that C in English, but origami sounded interesting...

"Earth to Airi! What do you want to do?" Hina said, waving her hand in front of Airi's face.

"Oh! Sorry. I think I'm going to do Tennis, swimming, and creative writing!" Airi replied. She realized Mei hadn't answered yet, and felt bad that she was getting excluded from the conversation. "Umm.. what about you, Mei?" Airi asked Mei, before taking another bite of her food.

"Archery, swimming, and knife throwing." Mei said, not looking up from her food.

"So you like range sports?"

"Yes. I'm on my school's archery team, also." Mei clarified. Soon breakfast was over, and the girls went to sign up for activities, then went to where the activities were held.

"Welcome everyone, to tennis! Today we will just be covering the basics. Please find a partner, and practice passing the ball." Airi looked around, and knew no one. She ended up waiting for someone to come up to her, and started passing the ball back and forth. Out of the corner of the eye, Airi saw something. A large, moving, mushroom? Of course now, of all times, Airi thought. Grabbing her compass, she told a counselor that she needed to go to the restroom.

Arriving at the cabin to Anzu doing her nails, she panted "Anzu..Taik-utsu outside...we need to go now!" Anzu turned into a rabbit and hopped onto Airi's shoulder, and Airi sprinted to the mushroom monster. She arrived to Adelaide standing next to a mushroom Taik-utsu. The mushroom was holding someone upside down, as they were yelling and squirming."What in the...HINA?!"

"Oh look! It's the shrimp and her wittle bunny! Today's my lucky day!" Adelaide taunted, smirking at Airi.  

"Airi, thank goodness! I was trying to find a nice plant to take, and this weird woman showed up and made a mushroom grow big, and.." The mushroom covered Hina's mouth, making her squirm around even more.

"Absolutely unforgivable! Creative Compass..Start! Running, laughing, and all things fun, Cure Spirit!" After transforming, she jumped up to Hina, landing with a thud, and Hina in her arms.

"Run away as fast as you can, it isn't safe!" Hina shook her head.

"I have no idea what's happening, but I want to stay to cheer you on, Airi. Or should I say, Cure Spirit!"

Spirit sighed."Okay then, as long as you don't get hurt. Here, keep Anzu with you." Spirit handed the small rabbit to Hina. She then jumped up to the mushroom, attempting to kick its stalk. The mushroom blocked the kick using its cap, causing Spirit to fall to the ground. Getting up in seconds, she tried to kick it from the cap, but the mushroom bent over, causing Spirit to crash into a tree. Spirit tried to get back up, but her limbs felt like noodles.

"Well well well..seems that you aren't as strong as you thought." Adelaide strolled over to Spirit, but Spirit crawled behind a bush. Adelaide's mushroom ripped the bush out of the ground so that she could get through, tossing it to the side.

"Stop it!" Hina cried, causing Adelaide to turn her head.

"Why should I?"

"Plants are living too, you can't just toss them aside like they're trash, same with people. Don't you dare put your hand on Airi, or any other plants!" A light shone out of Hina's chest, causing Adelaide to cover her eyes with her sleeve.

"Creative Compass Start!" Hina yelled, and a second later her hair changed to a light green. Her green glasses had turned yellow, and she was now wearing a green dress with yellow flowers and a yellow pinafore. "The plant that thrives forever, Cure Fern!"

Fern ran over to Spirit, pulling her up. "Let's defeat this thing!" Fern took a running start, than jumped onto the mushroom, causing it to try and get her off of it.

"Spirit, now!" Fern yelled, clinging on to the mushroom. Spirit jumped into the air, landing a punch onto the stalk of the mushroom, causing it to fall over. Spirit was about to land her final attack, but Fern beat her to it.

"Heartfelt Fern Attack!" Various vines grew around the mushroom, squeezing it until it turned back into a normal mushroom.

"I'll get you next time, I swear! Your end in coming, Precure!" Adelaide shrilled

"Right back at ya, you meany!" Fern said, sticking her tongue out at the discusted villain.

"Whatever, you menace!" Adelaide yelled, before disappearing.

"I probably have a lot to explain, don't I?" Airi said, after transforming back.

"Yep. But wherever this may lead, I'm glad I can fight alongside you!" Hina replied, grinning.

______________________________________________________________

Adelaide walked around her room, becoming more and more angry the more she thought about what had happened a just few hours earlier.

She opened a small, wooden chest using a silver lock. Smiling, she muttered "Looks like it's time for me to bring out my ultimate trump card." She said, putting the chest in a small bag. "It's time for the precures' reign to end!"

[obeiii-mee]

Hi there! If its okay, could i ask for headcannons of the brothers finding out MC is an Artist? Something like, finding there sketchbook or napkins w doodles on them jfjdjs Or maybe they catch MC glancing at them alot while trying to draw them? hfjd Ty!! Your writing is really good~

Of course it’s OK! I’ve always liked the idea of MC having a really interesting hobby and teaching the brothers about it. I feel like all the brothers would be very supportive of them, even if they all had various reactions to their hobby but I really love writing wholesome moments like that. Sorry this took longer to come out, I made them really long to make up for it!

Also thank you. Your compliment means a lot :)

————————————-

The Brothers’ reactions to MC being an artist:

Lucifer:

-Well if you’re going to glance at him every two minutes, he’s bound to notice

-I mean, you’re pretty damn obvious

-Lucifer got pretty used to you whipping out your sketchbook whenever you could

-So for you to start doodling in his office while he worked wasn���t exactly unheard of

-He caught you staring at him before looking back down at your drawing, continuing your series of furious scribbles

-Now you piqued his interest

-“You seem very focused there love. What are you drawing?”

-Scared the crap out of you because he rarely ever talks when he’s working

-You were reluctant to show him but Lucifer has his insisting face on

-When you passed him the sketchbook, he momentarily froze

-Your drawing was so detailed and full of emotion, capturing him slumped over his desk, exhausted but determined to finish the work he’s been assigned

-He was so surprised and stunned, for a second, he forgot to breathe

-“It’s not exactly one of my best drawings yet but-“

-“You never fail to impress me MC.”

-He suspected you were drawing him but he wasn’t expecting this much effort to be put into it

-He would definitely keep all your drawings of him

-Loves all your work but secretly adores your sketches of him best

-Lucifer would occasionally look over your shoulder while you sketch, taking a peek at what you’re drawing and smile to himself

-He’s never felt this much pride for someone else before

Mammon:

-Was pissed you would rather spend time with an object rather than him

-It annoyed him at first because he couldn’t tell if you were listening to him or not while you had your nose stuck in your sketchbook

-Basically, he was jealous of a sketchbook

-You can’t do that Mammon, that’s Levi’s thing

-So one day he decided to see what the fuck was so great about that giant notebook you always have with you

-He turned your entire room upside down searching for the damn thing before finding it

-He flipped through it and I’m sure the entire House of Lamentation could hear his gasp

-You drew him for pages and pages in all sorts of positions and styles and he was a flustered tomato going through them

-You willingly drew him? The scum of a demon who could never do anything right unless it involved money? You put your time and effort into these sketches and doodles despite him being condescending and a dick at times?

-Excuse me but this man is already head over heels in love with you, you can’t keep giving him reasons to fall for you

-He was so engrossed into your work that he didn’t notice you behind him

-“Mammon why is there a mess in my room-“

-“HOLY SHI-AHHH!!!”

-Too embarrassed to even think of an excuse for going through your shit

-“Ah those...I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have drawn you without your permission Mammon-“

-“Are ya kiddin’ me? MC, I feel insulted that you didn’t tell me about this sooner. Can...Can I keep some of ‘em??”

-Now he insists that you draw him as often as possible and would even pose for you (he loves the attention let’s be real)

-He wants to see all of your drawings and will endlessly support you

-Thought about using your skill as a way to make money because art can be very expensive

-But in the end, he dropped the idea

-Why would he sell something so precious to him??

Levi:

-He probably has a sketchbook too

-You guys draw Ruri-chan together in your own styles

-Levi always insists that you’re much better at drawing than him tho

-Your talent makes him a little jealous but at the same time he’s fascinated

-Was so surprised when he found out you were into sketching

-Levi was even more surprised when you showed him all the drawings you’ve worked on for your favourite anime and video game characters

-OK but how come you’re so perfect? Not only are you a lovely person that is willing to watch anime with him without insulting his opinions but you can draw? W...h...a...t...?

-He requests several sketches of ‘The Tale of the Seven Lords’ characters and will actually tape them to his wall

-Some of them are right on his Ruri-chan shelf

-“Hey normie, do you...do you mind teaching me how to draw? I want to learn.”

-Is 100% determined to learn how to properly sketch from you

-You started drawing him as well, usually while he games

-You better stop, he’ll have a nosebleed if you keep being so nice to him!

-Draw him as an anime character and he will start fangirling

-“Phew. OK I’m finished.”

-“What did you draw?”

-“Hentai.”

-“This. Is. A. Masterpiece.”

-Will proudly show your work to his brothers (usually the same drawing more than five times)

-What did an otaku like him do to deserve you??

Satan:

-He found out you were an artist fairly quickly

-I meant he found tissues with doodles you left behind everywhere

-He kept all of them

-It was so refreshing for him to see you so invested in your drawings the same way he is in his reading

-You’re still under the impression you’re being sneaky by drawing him while he has his nose in his books

-You ended up finally gathering enough courage to show him one of your portraits of him

-He had a reaction similar to Lucifer’s really

-Praise!

-He made your drawing into a bookmark

-Idk how but he did

-You leave him a few doodles of you and him being all lovey dovey and he absolutely adores them

-Will lose his marbles if anyone says anything remotely negative about your style or talent

-Draw him fluffy animals pls he will literally have them framed and fixed up in his room

-Also if you draw any of his brothers (specifically Lucifer let’s be real) in a silly way he will actually start snorting with laughter

-You sketch him pretty damn often and he can’t really complain

-It’s really peaceful when you two are in the library and you’re working on your doodling while he reads aloud to you

-Buys you equipment like pens and pencils and even sketchbooks when he knows you’re running out

-He’s really delighted when you come over to show him your drawings

-Once he caught you staring at a cat as you started sketching it

-He actually didn’t think it was possible to love someone this much

Asmo:

-Noisy little fucker that he is and in need of drama, he looked through your sketchbook

-Thought it was a diary at first but nope

-Imagine his surprise when he found pages upon pages of drawings of his brothers and him

-Except his weren’t really a surprise

-He’s gorgeous of course you would want to draw him

-But oh my God, do you realise how much he values art??

-I know he looks as if he only thinks about sex but he definitely has a thing for creativity and art like painting and photography

-“MC darliiiing~? Why didn’t you tell me you can draw?”

-He actually shrieks at how well you’ve captured his beauty

-He insists that they look like actual pictures of him

-Takes several pictures of all of them and posts them on DevilGram

-A bit salty when you drawing anything else but him

-However, he can’t deny that you’re one of the most talented individuals he ever met

-He comes up to you every day and lractically begs you to draw him

-One time you came in your room to find him naked and asking you to draw him

-Is actually kinda good at drawing himself

-Specifically people

-He has enough experience exploring the human body so he surprisingly enough, knows a thing or two when it comes to body proportions

-“MC draw me like one of your french girls~”

-I’m sorry I had to do that

-He also likes the attention he’s getting when he poses for you

-He may think he’s the most beautiful being in all three realms but he definitely thinks you’re the second

-So he often offers to draw you too

-He likes having cozy chats with you while you draw

Beel:

-You left your sketchbook behind in the kitchen with him

-Mammon needed your assistance to get down from where Lucifer hanged him after one of his failed money schemes

-He knocked a glass of milk nearby it and had a panic attack for a minute

-Legitimately thought he ruined the whole thing

-Was actually about ready to cry because he knew how important your sketchbook was to you

-Looked through it just to make sure there were no splotches or anything

-To say he was relieved when he realised it was fine would be an understatement

-He was kinda drawn to your sketches, most of them carefully drawn and expressive, even some of the ones you scribbled out

-One specific drawing caught his eye though

-You drew him and Belphie together, with his twin brother’s head resting on his shoulder while Beel ate

-He was mesmerised by your talent and by your thoughtfulness

-Beel felt bad about it but he kept looking through your sketches, enchanted by everything in it

-You drew him and his brothers several times

-It’s safe to say the discovery of your drawings brightened his day

-Gave back your sketchbook later

-He apologised for going through it without your permission more than he needed to

-You had to accept his apology because he looked like a kicked puppy

-Feels very honoured whenever you let him look at your work

-Is more than happy to pose for you!

-But that might be a bit of a problem seeing as he tends to move around a lot

-“Whoa, that looks just like me! The food I’m eating looks really realistic too...which is making me hungry. Let’s go to Hell’s Kitchen, you can finish this there!”

-Supportive bean

-You gave him a family sketch of him and all of his brothers once

-Normally, he only likes gifts he can eat

-But he treasures that drawing more than food at times

-“This...this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me! Thank you MC! But uh, someone’s missing in this drawing.”

-“Ah shit, who did I miss?”

-“You.”

-If anything ever happens to Beel or his happiness I swear to Lord Diavolo-

Belphie:

-OK but you left your notebook just sitting there right next to him???

-How do you expect him not to look through it?

-Belphie doesn’t care much for privacy

-And he doesn’t exactly have morals either

-He didn’t even know you were into drawing

-Which to be fair, wasn’t scandalous considering he sleeps 20 hours a day

-But he wants to be more involved in your interests so that’s why he took initiative with your sketchbook

-Idk what he was expecting but definitely not a sketch of him staring back at him

-His heart skipped a beat but I don’t even know if demons have hearts

-The cheeky little shit took pictures and may or may not have made on your drawings of him his wallpaper

-Most of the drawings were of him sleeping, surprising...absolutely no one

-“So that’s what you’re up to whenever I go to sleep huh? So cute~”

-But besides all that, he is really touched

-I mean, if there’s anyone undeserving of your love and respect is the piece of shit of who tried to kill you

-Yet here you are, continuously showering him with affection and now this

-Probably spent hours looking at your sketchbook while you were at R.A.D

-Didn’t say anything to you when you came back except handing your notebook back to you

-Though he was less of a smartass and more affectionate for the rest of the day

-Next morning, you took the liberty of waking up before him and sketching him again

-He grabbed your arm halfway through your doodling and grinned at you from under the covers

-“Drawing me again huh? You won’t mind me doing this while you’re at it then right?”

-Now he’s sleeping in your lap

-Whenever you show him your work, he makes a small approving noise but he’s seriously impressed

-Draw Lucifer or Lord Diavolo in any offensive manner and he will actually start giggling

-Gets all huffy puffy when you draw his brothers instead of him (we all know Beel is the exception)

-I may have a thing for Belphegour

Al~

[exordiumed]

syzygy [ II ]

↳  soulmate au | inspired by this johnten au

pairing: oh sehun & you

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 3.018 words

summary: syzygy (n.): 2. a pair of connected or corresponding things

syzygy masterlist

“i’m so glad you came into my life.”

“you mean that? like really?”

“of course i do, you’re the best thing the universe had written for me.”

You weren’t really dealing with your feelings in the best way possible if you’re being honest. He has a girlfriend for Christ’s sake and here you were, pining after him like an idiot. Jongin, bless his soul, quickly became your best friend and also your emotional support throughout this entire predicament. Though sometimes it felt more like he was teasing you instead of actually helping.

Maybe the universe was punishing you for some reason? Whatever that was happening, you wanted it to end immediately. But of course, you don’t always get what you want, as you so quickly learn.

So, imagine your surprise when you walked into one of your classes to see him. Of course, your first plan of action was to find the furthest seat away from him, but, unfortunately for you, he had noticed you and beckoned you over to take a seat next to him. Reluctantly, you walked over and plastered on a smile for him when you sat down.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

He chuckled before replying, “Yeah, almost like the universe wants us to be together or something.”

If you were drinking anything while he said that, you were sure you would’ve spat it out. Does he know that he was being like this? Sending you weird mixed signals and being aware that his words held a double meaning for you? Honestly, it was getting a bit tiring trying to be normal around him when everything that he did made you want to jump him.

Thankfully, he wasn’t a distraction in class as you had feared him to be. The two of you hung out after class, walking around town and you managed to take some good shots of the skyscrapers in the city centre. And maybe you sneaked in a few candid shots of him walking around, unaware of you pointing your lens at him.

“You’re a photography major right?”

“No, I just like lugging this camera around and struggling to find inspiration for my assignments and constantly ramble on about angles and composition and symmetry all the time,” you replied sarcastically. For some reason, your reply made him laugh, a bit too hard until people were giving the both of you dirty looks, but you didn’t care. You made him laugh. You felt a bit too proud at that.

After his fit of laughter died down, he stared at you. He did that a lot, you noticed. You shifted uncomfortably underneath his gaze, it almost felt like he could see into your soul, read all of your thoughts and you didn’t like that one bit. Being so vulnerable at the hands of someone else.

“Your stare is kinda intense, you know that?” You told him.

He laughed again.

“So I’ve been told. Maybe it’s a drama major thing, you know, just dramatic like that.”

“Whatever you say.”

You came back home after hanging out with Sehun and you were happy. Exhausted, but happy. You checked your phone for notifications to find 5 text messages from Jongin:

hi ok sure ignore me thats fine actually its not pls respond u better be getting dicked down or something for u to not reply wait no u cant be he has a gf oop Read 20:22

You rolled your eyes. Leave it to him to give you an unneeded reminder of the sad reality you lived in.

» wow i completely forgot that he has a girlfriend thank u for the reminder Read 20:24

omg she’s alive!!! how did it go sis Read 20:24

» ok i guess just 2 friends hanging out Read 20:25

lAME Read 20:25

Chuckling at his response, you tossed your phone onto your sofa so you could shower, and hopefully wash away all the thoughts of Sehun left in your mind.

The next few days passed uneventfully. It was a much appreciated break from the hectic whirlwind that was your life for the past month.  Jongin’s been an absolute sweetheart of course, hearing your incessant ranting and complaining about love and Sehun and how much you wanted to simultaneously smooch him but also run him over with a tractor.

“I have an idea,” Jongin started over lunch one day.

“Oh no.”

“Shut up,” he smiled. “You’re going to a party with me.”

“No, I’m not.”

“That wasn’t a question, it was a statement. You’re coming with me whether you like it or not.”

You were confused, and your facial expression definitely showed it because Jongin groaned.

“You’re going to find some nice hook-up and forget about him obviously!”

You snorted. “Oh yeah, brilliant.”

“Shut up.”

You were honestly doubting his plan, but you didn’t tell him that. And, maybe he was right. Maybe a distraction could help you forget about Sehun.

Except, it didn’t work. 

One moment you were sucking some guy’s face and for some damn reason you opened your eyes to see him staring right at you. You panicked, pushed the guy off of you and ran outside, looking for Jongin so you could rant to him and hopefully calm down.   

You didn’t find him, but you did manage to calm down, nonetheless. It was beautiful outside. You relished the night breeze and admired the moon hanging in the night sky with a few stars dotted around. You lifted your phone camera to take a picture of the sky, something about those astronomical bodies calms you, strangely. Like a wave of sereneness washes over you when you admire them. You decided there was nothing left for you to do at the party, and Jongin’s plan for you to hook up with someone and forget about Sehun had failed, so you texted Jongin you were leaving early and left for home.

“Hey,” Sehun said as soon as you slipped into your seat next to him. “You left early yesterday?”

You swallowed. “Yeah, I just wasn’t feeling it y’know?”

“I see.”

He was quiet after that, and it unnerved you. Sure, he was usually quiet but something about his silence this time scared you. Still, the rest of the lecture flew by with no incident and when he got up to leave, your hand shot up to tug at his wrist. He looked at you and you immediately pulled away, as if touching him had burned you.

“Did I.. do something wrong?”

He shook his head and offered you a small smile. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it too much, okay?”

He left, and again, you were stunned. You groaned inwardly, why were boys like this? Your mental complaining was cut short when you received a text from Jongin.

lets have dinner!! Read 17:55

» sure when and where and who Read 17:55

my place!! as soon as u get here i have takeout just u n me babey Read 17:56

» hot i’ll be there in 20 Read 17:57

Jongin always knew how to cheer you up, even when he didn’t even know you needed it. Takeout and watching Netflix on his sofa together was the perfect remedy. And his dog too, you daresay you liked his dog more than him.

The moment you crossed the threshold from the front door of his apartment, Jongin engulfed you in a bear hug. You laughed and hugged him back. He was practically a ball of sunshine and you had no idea what you did to deserve this man.

Halfway through your Netflix marathon, you sneaked a photo of Jongin cutely pouting at his TV over some scene happening in whatever show you two were watching. You added it to your story and looked up from your phone to see Jongin stealing some of your noodles. You swatted his hand away and he shrieked.

“Rude!”

“Um, I think rude is you trying to steal my food mister.” Jongin stuck his tongue out at you while you resumed eating the rest of your food so there was none for him to steal.

A little while later, you were helping him throw the trash since it was the least you could do to help him out when he invited you over, Jongin called out to you.

“Did you tell Sehun you were with me or something?”

“What? No!”

“Huh. He’s asking me about you,” he replied. You furrowed your brows trying to think of how he could’ve known you were hanging out with Jongin.

“Oh! He must’ve seen my Instagram story.”

“I’m on your story and you didn’t tell me?!”

You shook your head as you dumped your trash into the rubbish bin. You wondered why Sehun would be asking him about you. He should just leave you alone, he has a girlfriend as Jongin loves to constantly remind you about. Again, you were confused. Everything about him was confusing. You wished he would just stop it, you wished he didn’t have a girlfriend so you were free to do whatever you wanted with him, you wished you would stop feeling this way.

Sehun sure had a thing for asking you weird questions out of the blue the moment you sit down next to him in class because this time he asked you:

“Do you like Jongin?”

If you could pronounce question marks in real life that would be your response to his question, but since you couldn’t you settled for giving him the most confused look you could muster.

“I mean, you were hanging out with him at his place last night so I thought..”

“You’re an idiot, he’s my best friend, we were just hanging out and watching Netflix. Nothing special.” Your reply came out curt and probably sounded a little cold. You hadn’t intended it to come out that harsh but, you supposed you were just tired of this boy and his antics, no matter how much you liked him.

“Oh.” He said and he was silent after that for a long while, until he asked, “Do you wanna have dinner? After class? With me? And we could walk around the city again and you can take nice photos of me, or the buildings whichever you prefer.”

What was with him and stunning you into silence? Because, you didn’t give him a reply for a few minutes before muttering out a “sure” and going back to paying attention to the lecture.

The dinner was nice, and the impromptu photoshoot you had with him was nicer. He was a nice model, and you certainly weren’t complaining about having this many photos of him stored in your camera now. Being around him inspired you, strangely, and you were stopping him every five minutes to take a picture of some random things from different angles and different perspectives. You didn’t notice him observing you, and you sure as hell didn’t notice the small smile that was on his face when he watched you do what you enjoyed the most. He wanted to see you like this, always. And so, he captured this moment on his phone: you, awkwardly standing on an overhead bridge trying to get a shot of the cars underneath you. You wouldn’t see it until much later when you got home and viewed his Instagram story.

» sehun wtf!!! when did u take that i look clapped Seen 22:00

no u don’t wtf u look perfect Seen 22:04

You decided that was enough social media for that night and went to sleep. Your dreams contained images of you and him in a world where you were together, where everything was perfect, and the two of you were perfectly in love.

And somehow, you had managed to fool yourself into thinking the two of you were in love. The two of you hung out on almost a daily basis even when you didn’t have class together and you fell into this routine with him. You were so used to being with him and only him.

And you realised this, so you did the one thing you knew how to do. Rant to Jongin.

» nini i think im fucked Read 14:25

what did u do this time Read 14:25

» KSDLJFSLDKFJSD i think im catching serious feelings for this very taken man! Read 14:26

yeah you’re fucked Read 14:27

» FUCK U Read 14:28

After a very long phone call with Jongin, you decided to just see where this crush goes. Risky, but it was practically the only thing you suppose you could do. And, it was fine for a while. You still hung out whenever he asked, and you took photos of him, and he would take sneaky Instagram stories of you that you would cry over and tell him that you looked ugly, but as always, he would insist you look fine.

Of course, you were still constantly reminded that he was very much, taken, because in addition to his posts of you, his girlfriend would be scattered in there too. The two of them out on dates, her posing cutely for the camera and you were sad. Maybe even bitter. She was so effortlessly cute, and you could tell she made Sehun happy and she loved him, and he loved her. Who were you to get in the way of their relationship? So, you didn’t do anything.

Everything continued to be normal, or about as normal as your life could be with this stupid romantic drama you had found yourself in. Truthfully speaking, the only person you could blame was yourself. You hated yourself for catching feelings for him. Literally you could fall for any guy out there, and your brain decided on Sehun, the guy with a goddamn girlfriend. Brilliant. Maybe the universe was punishing you.

And you were entirely convinced it was, after Sehun heard you complain to Jongin about him.

It was at some random person’s party and you and the usual crew were there. Surprisingly, Sehun didn’t bring his girlfriend but you decided not to think too much about it. What did occupy your mind, however, was that Sehun was being quite touchy. He’s a naturally affectionate guy and you didn’t really pay attention to it, since he’s like that with everyone. But, maybe it was because you let your feelings for him stay bottled up too long because that night, you just exploded to Jongin in some stranger’s kitchen with loud music being played over the speakers and with the amount of people in there, you thought nobody could hear you rant.

But, like many times before, you had been wrong, because Sehun was silently standing at the entrance of the kitchen, watching you talk your mouth off to Jongin.

“Jongin, I can’t stand it. He’s so.. Ugh! I know he’s just a naturally touchy person and I don’t mind that one bit! In fact, I should be the last person to complain about this but, I just can’t fucking stand it. It bothers me so much that he’s like this and it really doesn’t help that I like him, so this is even more of a mess for me but goddamn. I don’t blame him though, it’s not like he knows I like him like that.”

You huffed and stayed silent for a while.

“I just hate how he looks at me you know? He looks at me like he’s in love with me. Does he look at everyone like that? It really throws me off. Sometimes I wish he was actually in love with me.”

Jongin poured you a drink while you vented to him. “Sweetheart, maybe you should tell him.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Are you crazy? No fucking way, I’ll just wait for my feelings to fade or something. It’s been like two months; they’re bound to go away. He has a fucking girlfriend what’s not clicking in my stupid brain?”

You accepted the drink Jongin offered you and you let your eye sweep around the kitchen, when your eyes fell onto him. Staring at you. And you were definitely, one hundred percent positive, that he had heard every single word you said. You nearly dropped the cup you were holding, and you slammed it on the kitchen counter. Jongin jumped at your action, and he opened his mouth to say something, until he looked in the direction you were staring at.

The both of you, in perfect unison, muttered: “Oh fuck.”

You grabbed Jongin’s wrist and pushed past the other partygoers in the kitchen to book it out the backdoor, in the opposite direction Sehun was standing in. He watched the two of you disappear out of the house. He certainly had a lot to think about.

You were fucked. There’s no other way around it. The moment you reached your apartment with Jongin in tow, you fell onto your couch and groaned into the pillows. Jongin perched on the back of the sofa and stroked your hair, telling you everything will work out eventually.

“I think it’s about time you told him, sweetheart.”

You let out a long sigh, and begrudgingly, accepted the fact that you did have to face the music. You were scared, but the truth was out and he knew it in the worst way possible and there was no escaping this.

“You’re right. But I’ll do it tomorrow. I don’t have the right state of mind to do it right now,” you told him. He agreed, and he led you into your bedroom and tucked you into bed, but not before you forced him to stay over because it was late and you didn’t really want him to leave. So, he took the couch while you attempted to fall asleep with thoughts of finally telling Sehun you liked him swirling around in your mind. Somehow, you managed to fall asleep and you would say it was the best sleep you had in a long time.

Until you checked your phone.

The unintentional scream you let out had Jongin dashing into your room to see your holding your phone with your face painted in horror. Your lockscreen was on display with a notification telling you that you had two unread text messages from Sehun.

[2 unread messages from Sehun]:

hey can we talk? Sent 01:24

[thomas-in-london2019]

Chronological Daybook (22-28)

My Tumblr has been a little bit like my flat room. Incredibly disorganized. This is to remedy that. I am going to write out what I’ve done of note in a chronological order accompanied by some of my favorite photos. Strap in. This is going to be lengthy. 

Saturday: Got off the plane and waited for the bus. I tried to get some quick naps in whenever I could. Got oriented at the flats. Went to a pub with some friends for lunch. Then we left for Southbank. Tried to rest whenever I could. Learned (kinda) how to operate the tube. Got back to the flats and fell promptly asleep without doing my second assigned reflection. 

Pictured below: Waiting for the bus.

Sunday: Travelled to Regent’s Park. Drew some, talked some, took some photos. The flowers were beautiful. Went to a pub and waited 55 minutes for some fish and chips. They were great all the same. Went back to the flats and went to sleep. 

Pictured below: Regent’s Park

Monday: Had the first day of class. Went to the Tate Modern with some friends. Had a blast. Ate some pizza. Watched Top Girls. 

Pictured below: Inside the Tate Modern

Tuesday: Had class and then chilled in my flat till I forgot my ticket to that nights play. I frantically searched for it but to no avail. It still hasn’t shown up. Travelled to Shepherd’s Hill and was able to get a replacement ticket. I walked around with a few other till we found a pub to eat at. I had nachos. Watched Strange Fruit. Bought the script.

Pictured below: The stage for Strange Fruit

Wednesday: Had class. Then left for The Tower of London. Saw The Crown Jewels, the torture chambers, then the tower. I then walked to Southbank and watched M. From Southbank I took the tube back alone for the first time to the flats. 

Pictured below: An accidental upside down photo that I like. 

Thursday: Went to the Wellcome Collection. Saw several exhibits which were all equally fascinating and discomforting. Misbehaving Bodies, Smoke and Mirrors, and Medicine Man were what was available. Each of them detailed a fascinating facet of humanity that is very rarely discussed. Misbehaving Bodies was an exhibit on Jo Spence who battled cancer and found therapy through photography. That was the highlight with Smoke and Mirrors being about the psychology of magic and Medicine Man being about ancient medicines and practices. 

From there I went to Chinatown and ate at Dumpling. I liked it. Others went to a play while I walked around Chinatown and found my favorite street performer. 

Pictured below: My favorite street performer. 

Friday: Went on a boat trip to Kew Gardens. Walked around in Kew. After that I braved the trip back to the flats on my own. I then went out to a place called Bird and had chicken and waffles for the first time. It was great. Went back to the flats. Then went to find Peter Pan at the children’s hospital at Ormond. 

Pictured below: The Hive art exhibit in Kew

That’s it for week one. This was made to highlight things that haven’t been previously mentioned on this blog. I will make one for week 2 soon.  

[cordeliatnsatlanta]

Chapter 4 and 5...

1 week earlier…

“Any luck?” Aiden said as him and Daniel were headed towards his house. They walked down a back alley that the little boy usually took when he thought he might run into his bullies. The alley gave him a bad feeling which is why he tried to avoid it, but since Daniel was with him he felt safer.

“No, not really. I want my job to be something I’m interested in, otherwise I might forget what my true passion is.” Daniel groaned.

It was only 3:50 pm, but Daniel felt like they shouldn’t be there, especially when they came across something unsettling that sent a shiver down his spine.

Police tape.

As they neared the end of the alley, they came across an apartment building surrounded by police tape and cars. Some people were gathered around to see what all the commotion was as police officers tried to direct their attention away from the crime scene.

Without missing a beat, and before they could get too close, Daniel grabbed the innocent child’s arm and turned down a side road, whatever had occurred there that caused the end of the road to be blocked off entirely, he didn't want Aiden to see it.

Aiden didn’t question his caretakers actions, instead he asked, “Have you considered being a police officer?”

He nodded slightly, “Yeah, I studied it for a bit and enjoyed the mystery aspect, but when it came to the nitty gritty of it all, i decided to follow a different path.”

“Well, isn’t there a photography job in that career branch…? What's the word..?”

Daniel stopped and turned to him, “Kid, you’re a genius.”

Chapter 5:

“Alright, so what's the case?” Daniel asked excitedly, leaning back in the chair he was assigned to.

“I don’t know why you're asking me questions like that,” May opened the case folder and flipped through a few files. “You’re just the photographer.”

He scoffed, “So I don't get to do any of the cool detective stuff.”

She lifted an eyebrow, ‘’No…? That's what the detectives are for?”

“Can you at least… brief me on the situation a little, so i know what to expect?”

“Fine.” she closed the folder. “You are kinda annoying, you know that right.”

He nodded mindlessly, excited to hear about the case, May rolled her eyes in response.

“A couple weeks ago, a woman in her mid twenties was stabbed to death in front of her apartment building. We gathered that someone had followed her down the alley that led to the building.” She opened the folder again and handed Daniel a few photos of the crime scene. He immediately recognized where it was.

“Apparently, recent developments suggest that the same criminal has committed identical  murders across the city spanning over the last few years, only recently have they targeted multiple people in the span of a few weeks.”

“So there have been more recent victims?” He asked, a bit shaken.

May nodded, “Later today we are going to a crime scene and take some photos, as well as collect more evidence.”

Daniel opened his backpack and pulled out his camera and replaced the SD card with the brand new one they had given him before he forgot. May opened a drawer in her desk, and grabbed a map of the area in which the crimes had been committed.

“Look.” she placed a few dots with a red marker on the map as she continued to talk. “It seems that the murders I mentioned have been laid out in some sort of pattern. This sicko isn't even close to done, so there is no way to know what they are planning yet.”

“So we just have to wait around and see if this murderer has some sort of plan to make these spots on a map turn into a less nonsensical pattern?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, we can figure this out before too many innocent people are killed… Hopefully.”

“That's very reassuring.” He said sarcastically.

“I’m a professional, I know what i'm doing, okay.”

Later that day…

Daniel and May arrived at the crime scene, a few police cars were already parked there, but there was no sign of anyone. Daniel tried to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to see, he knew he was going to be fine, but as they approached his stomach was doing flips and his hands were shaking uncontrollably.

“Calm down, it's going to be fine.” May said in a reassuring tone, but something in her eyes also looked a bit worrisome.

[joonsea]

college jungkook

before college, jungkook played around with a lot of design software and photoshop and illustrator became his favorites bc all of the things he could do like making vectors and drawing and etc.

at first, he was like yeah i’m gonna major in visual arts bc graphic design but later developed a fear that he may not be able to lead the kind of lifestyle he wanted or get a really good job but like of course you can

so to be safe, he decided to major in informatics with a concentration in media technology which kinda combines a lot of the things he enjoys so jungkook decided that was the major for him

minors in visual arts bc it was highly recommended for informatics + media technology majors which is like an additional 21 credit hours (7 classes) plus 6 more (2 classes) when his major already requires about 30 credit hours per semester

but the good thing is that he was able to pick the 2 classes and he chose intro to printmaking and digital photography and the older boys helped him with scheduling and told him when and where to get textbooks and scantrons

yeah so like this bunny was so excited before the 1st week of classes bc his schedule looked great and he had like an hour between each of his classes but the bad thing was that he and the others somehow forgot to check the time for his precalculus algebra & trig class and it’at 8AM on like mwf

which sucks bc as soon as this kid was done with his assignments (or about 75% bc he procrastinated) he’d play video games up until like midnight

also watching anime with the other members of the anime club

okay so you know how taehyung, jimin, and hoseok all work at that restaurant mentioned in tae’s? well not hoseok bc he graduated but yeah jungkook usually passed out there even though it’s farther than the dorms

like as soon as he was done with his afternoon classes he’d just show up at the restaurant and jimin would find him at a table near the back, drooling on a menu but good thing they were laminated

so they’d have to wake him up and walk him to the dorms he’d be so disoriented like he was going on about his calc class and how much he dislikes his the writing class he has to take and the kid was just really stressed out

but it gets better during his 2nd semester bc he didn’t schedule any 8AM classes which meant more sleep and this kid loves sleep like a lot which is important in college and it just seems like can you never get enough

he’s definitely the type to have a skateboard or bike and he’d just listen to his music on his way to class. sometimes he’d be seen racing taehyung on their way to the little restaurant bc it’s like their hangout

okay so there’s track tryouts during the spring semester and he was kinda shy about trying out but with the right amount of nudging from tae and jimin he eventually tried out and made the team

also joins a dance team/club that post dance covers on youtube and create choreo and jungkook was very excited bc he was in his element

now even though he’s good at a lot of things, most people had no idea that he could sing but you did

one night there was a meeting for the anime club in one of the rooms in the auditorium which was just the members catching up on anime

and you were there but not in the same room bc you volunteered to help clean for the guest lecture the next day and you’d occasionally hear shouting which was the anime club and just kinda shrug it off

yeah so the club meeting ended and jungkook kinda stayed behind to sing bc he thought no one was on that side of the auditorium but you were and you heard someone singing and it sounded really nice

and you just continued to clean but you had to check all of the rooms to make sure they were in good condition and the last room you checked happened to be the one jungkook was in and he was just froze in place when the door opened

you apologized and he was like “nah it’s cool” and you explained what you were doing and he;s like ah okay well gotta go and he was so red and scurried out so fast that you weren’t able to compliment him on his singing

so a few days went by and jungkook didn’t really think anything of your encounter and that’s probably bc he was so busy with his classes and track meets that jimin and taehyung weren’t surprised to find him passed out at the restaurant almost every day

you happened to visit the restaurant every now and then and the one day that you went you find jungkook passed out at like the only available table and you were kinda !! bc you didn’t want to make him uncomfortable

and jimin was like “are you sure you wanna see here? i think his drool is gonna reach your end of the table soon” and you were like “it’s okay” but you were kinda screaming on the inside bc what if he wakes up but then jimin assured you that he wouldn’t

so you just kinda sat there and ate while jungkook snored and occasionally talked in his sleep and then he jolted up when taehyung placed a burger in front of him and he kinda stared at you for a second

he thanked taehyung and the two of you ate in silence before you told him that you liked his voice and he slowly came out of his shell after that and exchanged numbers

the two of you started out as best friends bc you were both in the same writing class and bonded over anime and video games and he showed you some of his graphics and he’s really good like they’re very distinguishable from any other graphic designs you had seen

some nights the two of you would go bowling and see who could eat the most slices of pizza and jungkook would regret it the next day bc of track practice

he shyly invited you to one of his meets and he was so surprised when you said yes but he was happy to have you cheer for him in the stands and then a bunny smile appears and it’s so cute

he had an assignment in his digital photography class where he was asked to photograph things that he saw daily that made him feel some sense of happiness and he asked you and the rest of bangtan if he could take the pictures and it was cool

and he edited them and they came out really nice even though he almost blurred the boys’ faces and kept yours as the main focus

but that’s okay bc he also had an assignment in his graphic design fundamentals class but he had more creative freedom so he drew a silhouette of someone which was actually you and added different geometric shapes in different colors to contrast with this b&w of the silhouette

and he added little quotes here and there that were actual things you said and the end product is kinda minimalistic with a lot of negative space but he left room for viewers to interpret the focus as they pleased. like it was almost interactive like is the focus the shapes, quotes, or the silhouette? which kinda added depth to the piece in a way

he got a’s on both assignments and a chance for them to be featured in the campus art gallery for a month but he turned it down bc the pieces were kinda personal and he wanted to be the one to show you the graphic he created

so he went to your dorm room one afternoon, laptop clasped in his hands and showed you and you thought it was amazing and the quotes kinda made you realize that the silhouette was you

and you found yourself pulling him into a hug and before either of you knew it, you kissed and it was short and sweet and left both of you stuttering apologies but then jungkook got this bout of confidence and kissed you again

not long after that the two of you were officially a thing and taehyung called you over to the restaurant bc he baked a cake to celebrate and you and jungkook are blushing like crazy bc it’s kinda over the top but you could tell that taehyung and jimin were genuinely happy for you

some days you’d see jungkook riding his bike from class and he’d always stop to ask how your day was going and if he couldn’t he’d definitely made sure to text you as he was running up 5 flights of stairs and the text actually said something like dhwoieh kjeod but then he’d text you again with a message you could understand

you’d be the first person he showed any of his graphics to and the model in any of the photographs he’d take

the two of you still went bowling but it was officially called dates where he’d walk you back to your dorm with your hand in his and maybe kiss you goodnight if his heart could take it

also, dates at the restaurant and taehyung and jimin filming your entire date and cooing at the two of you like proud parents and send it to the rest of bangtan

college jungkook is just a very sweet, multi-talented kid who likes eating pizza and watching anime with his best friends and of course you

[pen-masta]

College Days

It’s almost four in the morning when he finally leaves the lab. He’s been here at the University for a month now and it hasn’t really been a walk in the park. He gets a few weird looks when he walks to class, but he knows it’s just cause of how young he looks...well is. Being sixteen and moving to college is a little bit of a shell shock, not so much with the work load but with the socializing. The work he could handle he loves a challenge, but trying to make friends...he failed miserable. Everyone he tried to talk to always kind of acted weird around him, not really wanting to talk, looking at him like a child, or sometimes feeling threatened by someone being so young and being in the engineering program.

He sighs as he drags his feet on the brick walk, he misses home, he misses his parents, he misses his brothers, he misses Joy. He hasn’t made any friends and he’s been here for a whole month! Whenever he got up enough courage to turn to one of his classmates and say ‘Hey there! Names Castel what’s yours?’ he’d turn to look at them and all of his confidence would drain out. He felt sick to his stomach, was he this painfully shy that he couldn’t even ask someone for a pen? His roommate Andrew or Andy as he liked to be called had proven to not even be his locked in friend. Andy was on the hockey team and was always out at practice, hanging out with his friends, or out at social events--leaving Castel alone in his dorm. He did the only thing he had to keep him busy--his homework. He finished everything ahead of schedule and always had time to himself to do...nothing.

He surfed the web, facetimed his brothers, called his parents, texted Joy, wrote on his blog, and then watched Netflix until he started to feel tired. When the second Friday night came and he didn’t have anywhere to go with friends he decided he needed to change something. He started going to the gym at night hoping maybe he’d get to have some kind of conversation with someone at the lockers. But even small talk was a goal he couldn’t even achieve. He liked the treadmill and the weights, he could drift into the music blasting from his earbuds and forget about all his assignments, his homesickness, and the fact that he was all alone up here. When the gym planned failed Joy encouraged him to find a club to join. He had been the president of the Debate club and treasurer of the Robotics club and he did have some friends then; so he agreed and started his hunt for a club. He tried a few different kinds of clubs, he tried the gaming club, the computers club, the photography club, and a book club. All of them fell away and didn’t fit, except for the book club. He finally had something to keep his mind busy once he was done with his school work. He went to class, he did his work, he read his book, he went to the gym, he went to bed...nothing changed! He still had no friends! He hadn’t even had enough courage to voice his opinion on the book at the meetings! What’s wrong with him?

He really missed home. He missed the familiar, friendly, comforting feeling that home brought. If he didn’t want this so badly he’d go home right now, but he can’t this is such a great opportunity for him; he doesn’t want to squander it because he’s homesick. But man people in high school were always talking about how great college would be, how they find themselves, their life long friends, their hobbies, how college was the greatest time of their lives. Did he miss some kind of mark?

His eyes burn as he walks back to his dorm, he had stayed late in the lab to finish a project. But one night of no sleep was not that big of a deal, but no it hasn’t just been one night--he hasn’t slept more than three hours in the past week. Since he failed at being social he did the only other thing he could think to do--work. After school work, reading the book for the book club, and the gym he went to work on new tinkering projects, midterm project, science fair projects anything to keep his hands busy. Sleep has become a distant memory over the past few days. Although this of course is nothing new for the young genius, his body is still hating him as his version blurs in his tired eyes. He yawns and shivers a little at the sour early morning breeze that whips through the air. Just a little further...

He stumbles up the steps to his floor and walks down the hall, groping along the wall to keep himself steady. He’s so exhausted he can hardly see straight. When he reaches his door he’s about to collapse where he stands as he pushes the heavy door open. He sighs and drops his book bag on the floor, walks out of his shoes and collapses on his bed. He nuzzles his face into his pillow as he scrunches his body to get the blanket up over him. He yawns and shuts his heavy eyelids, slumber is sounding so sweet right now.

“Can I help you?” A voice asks next to him

His groggy brain registers that someone spoke, but he’s so tired his body just doesn’t want to move--so he ignores it. Someone shakes his shoulder.

“Hey kid,” the deep voice says. “Kid wake up.”

Castel whines and turns his head in the direction of the voice. He opens his eyes a little and stares back at the face of another male. The guy looks shocked as he shakes Castel’s shoulder. A thought forms in his head.

“What are you doing in my room?” His hoarse voice churns out.

The guys blinks and scrunches his eyebrows together, “What do you mean your room? This is my room dude.”

Castel groans and closes his eyes, man this pillow feels like a cloud. He’s so tired and it’s so soft and warm and...

“Kid,” the guy says and shakes Castel again. “Hey dude come on don’t go to sleep.”

Castel whines loudly and weakly bats the offending hand away, “Leave me alooooone.”

“Kid you’re the one who came into my room,” the guy chuckles a little. “Why are you here?”

“I told you this is my room,” Castel yawns. “Room 806 of West Independence.”

The guy shakes his head, “No, no dude you over shot by a floor this is Room 906...and you also over shot by a building...this is East Independence.”

Castel huffs deciding he doesn’t care, this is where he landed this is where he’s going to sleep. He shuts his eyes and turns his head away from the boy. He sighs as he feels his muscles relax into the soft comforting grip of the mattress.

“Kid? Kid,” the guy says and shakes Castel again but it’s no use, the guy is out like a light.

The boy sits up and runs his hand through his hair. He must have forgot to lock his door, that’s the only way this kid got in here. He glances at the smaller boy lying next to him. He doesn’t smell of any alcohol or smoke so his guess is this kid is just so sleep deprived that he just wandered into the wrong dorm. The boy next him looks so small, not just short though he looks really really young. The guy sighs and runs his hand down his face before deciding to sleep on the couch tonight seeing that his unwelcomed guest has pretty much claimed his bed. 

============

Castel wakes up to the smell of coffee and sun shinning in his face. He groans and pulls the pillow over his head, willing himself to go back to sleep. Why does he smell coffee anyway? His floor is too far from the lobby to smell the coffee being made at the cafe, the only way he’d be able to smell it this high up is if he made some himself. But he’s still in bed and his roommate is gone all week due to a very serve case of the flu...so why does he smell coffee!?

His eyes pop open and he peeks out from under his pillow. When did he get a poster of an molecule? And his pillow case is blue not orange...where is he!? Panic starts to set in as he tries to remember what happened last night, but all he can remember is finishing his project really early this morning and walking back to his dorm...but that’s it! He sits up flinging the pillow to the foot of the bed in the process. His eyes frantically dart around the room not recognizing anything. After a moment his eyes fall on the dark haired male standing at the other end of the room with his back to Castel.

His heart starts to pound harder, where is he? Who is this guy? And why is he here? The springs creak under Castel’s shifting weight and the noise causes the guy to look over his shoulder.

“Oh nice to have you back in the land of the living,” the guy smiles before turning his back on Castel again. “How do you like your eggs kid?” He asks as he cracks an egg into the pan in front of him.

Castel blinks and looks around. He’s still in his clothes from yesterday and his book bag is sitting neatly next to the door along with his shoes. His brain locks up with what to say, what question to ask first, and desperately try to remember last night!

“Scrambled?” The guy asks looking at Castel over his shoulder.

“W-what?” Castel asks his voice cracking a little.

The guy smiles again, “Your eggs. Do you like them scrambled?”

Castel blinks staring at the guy; all he can manage to muster in response is a nod. 

“Me too,” the guy nods and turns back to the stove. “I like mine with cheese and peppers and stuff, you?”

Castel clears his throat, “Um sure yeah...whatever’s fine.”

Wow after almost a month of deafening silence the sound of his own voice kind of startles him.

The guy nods and cracks some more eggs into the pan.

“Betcha wondering what you’re doing here.”

Castel swallows and nods finding his voice again, “Yeah k-kinda.”

The guy chuckles and cooks the eggs, tossing in some other ingredients.

“Well I’m sure you’ve realized this isn’t your dorm kid,” he chuckles. “You wandered in here early this morning and fell asleep in my bed.”

Castel’s face burns, “I-I-I did?”

The guy nods, “Yeah you were out cold. The apocalypse couldn’t wake ya!” He laughs and turns off the coffee pot, “Coffee?”

“Um...y-yeah sure.” Castel says and runs his hand through his hair.

Had he really wandered in here by mistake? Was he really that tired?

“You got a name kid?” The boy asks

Castel blinks and watches the boy pour the black liquid in the little coffee pot into two mugs. He shakes his head trying to remember how to speak.

“Castel...b-but people call me Cas.” He says and stands up off the bed.

The boy grins and walks over to Castel with the mugs and the pan of eggs.

“Nice to meet you Castel, my name is Nathan.” He says coaxing Castel to take one of the mugs.

The two sit down on the couch with coffee and food in hand. Castel stares blankly at the floor, while Nathan quietly eats his eggs. The silence is killing Castel, he wants to say something but he can’t think of what to say.

“Do you like ‘em?” Nathan asks

Castel jerks a little being pulled from his thoughts, “I’m sorry?”

Nathan smiles a little and points with his fork to the eggs in Castel’s bowl. “The eggs kid, do you like ‘em?”

Castel looks down at his bowl to realize he’s been eating them. When had he started to eat them? Considering he wasn’t really focused on eating he doesn’t know if he does like them or not. Just to be sure of his answer he takes another bite. Nathan had put in peppers and bread crumbs and from the taste of it a lot of cheese. The eggs were warm and gooey with a little crunch, they taste so good that Castel actually finds himself smiling.

Nathan chuckles, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Castel can feel his cheeks heating up, feeling a little embarrassed. Falling asleep in someone else’s bed, yeah that’s a great way to be social. Ugh! He needs to leave, apologize and leave. Right now.

He clears his throat and put the bowl down on the floor.

“Well I’m really sorry I just kind of slept in your bed and I’m sorry I came in here uninvited. I’ll just be going now.” He says and stands up, making a bee-line for his bag and shoes.

“What’s your hurry?” Nathan asks watching the smaller male fumble with his laces. “It’s Saturday no classes. You got a hot date or something?” He chuckles teasingly.

Castel forces a laugh, “No, no just want to get out of your hair. I’m an unwelcome guest don’t want to intrude anymore than I already have.”

“Dude you’re not intruding,” Nathan smiles. “Please stay for a spell, relax. You look like you really need a day for some R&R kid.”

Castel stops in his hast and looks at Nathan, the guy is smiling so friendly and kindly at him that he actually starts to feel guilty for wanting to leave. In fact, why is he leaving? Isn’t this what he wanted? Someone to talk with, hang out with, be friends with? It doesn’t appear that Nathan is just being polite in inviting Castel to stay. And he is really hungry. And free food that he doesn’t have to cook is his favorite kind.

“Are you sure I’m not being a bother?” Castel asks letting his grip on his bag slacken.

Nathan shakes his head, “Nah dude have a seat.”

Castel hesitates for a moment his legs still wanting to bolt out of the room and forget this ever happened. His brain overthinking Nathan’s motives to the max. And his heart aching for a friend. All of his organs argue with each other until a loud growl breaks into the argument--his stomach wins the battle.

He reclaims his spot on the couch and picks up the bowl of eggs again. He eats the cooked unborn chickens greedily, enjoying the warmth the food fills him with. Nathan smiles and sips his coffee.

“So what’s your major?” He asks

“I’m in the engineering major,” Castel says through a mouthful of eggs.

“Me too!” Nathan says excitedly, “I thought you looked familiar!”

Castel’s smile falters a little, this is how most of the few conversations he’s had started before they asked about how young he looked. Then the person would turn cold feeling threatened by his presence in the program. Maybe he won’t have a friend after all.

“You’re in Mark’s class on Tuesdays right?” Nathan asks

“Yeah,” Castel nods. “I’ll be honest he kind of puts me to sleep.” He chuckles a little.

Nathan laughs loudly and nods, “Yeah! As if the eight thirty time slot won’t make you sleepy Mark’s monotone three hour lectures will!”

The two boy laugh for a minute or two.

“So dude how old are you?” Nathan asks sipping his coffee again.

Welp there it is, Castel sighs in his head. Well it was nice while it lasted.

“I’m sixteen,” he says managing to hold his smile.

“Sixteen?” Nathan asks in shock nearly choking on his coffee. “Why are you here?”

Castel smiles weakly, “Well in the words of my principle high school was not enough of a challenge for me.”

“Wow that’s crazy!” Nathan smiles seeming genuinely interested. “What are you like a young Eisenstein or something?”

Castel blushes a little and finishes his eggs preparing to make a speedy exit.

“I wouldn’t say that,” he says modestly. “I just like a challenge and my mind is built for science and math.”

“I’ll say,” Nathan chuckles before snapping his fingers. “You’re the protege kid! Castel Cubs!”

“Protege kid?” Castel asks confused

“Yeah! I’ve heard about you!” Nathan says enthusiastically. “You’re a super genius and like ace everything!”

“How did you hear about me?”

Nathan shrugs, “How could I not? I mean a high schooler comes to a university and is studying engineering I mean that’s pretty impressive.” Nathan grins, “That’s something to discuss at the water cooler.”

Castel’s stomach tightens at the fact that people are talking about him...and they don’t even know him. What are they saying about him? Are they bashing him or making fun of him?

“That really is so cool Cas,” Nathan smiles.

“It is?” Castel asks

Nathan nods, “Yeah it is!”

Castel shrugs, “I guess so.”

Nathan smiles, “So what high school did you go to?”

Castel blinks at the question. Normally after people found out his age they made some excuse to stop talking to him. But Nathan seems genuinely interested in continuing the conversation.

“Jackson High,” Castel says.

“That’s where I went!” Nathan says bouncing in his seat slightly. “Huskies for life man!”

Castel notes Nathan zealous manor, how his tone hasn’t changed, he’s not talking down to Castel as if he were a child. He also not sounding defensive or upset or anything.

“Do they still have the big Husky statue in the foyer?” Nathan asks

Castel smiles a little, “Yeah, yeah they do.”

Nathan chuckles, “For our Senior prank we dressed the Husky in like all kinds colors and silly stringed the heck out of it.”

Castel laughs, “I heard about that! I heard the janitor came in while you were spraying it and he chased you guys all the way out to the football field.”

Nathan smiles proudly, “And he never caught us.”

They both laugh again. They go back and forth through the comfortable conversation. They talk about school, experiences, friends. Castel finds out Nathan is twenty-one, was in the robotics club in high school, and he likes all the same books Castel does! They debate on which book series was better Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones. Nathan is also a baseball player but the season doesn’t start until March so he doesn’t have anything else to do besides sleep. The two boys share a lot of the same interests, views, and obsessions. They are really different too where Castel is a workaholic Nathan prefers to divvy his work up and have time to relax.They talk and laugh for so long Castel doesn’t even realize how late it is.

“Oh my gosh it’s almost six,” he says seeing the time his watch shows. “I’m sorry I’ve been here for so long.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Nathan chuckles lightly, “I invited you to stay, remember?”

“Yeah but--”

“It’s almost dinner time,” Nathan says looking at his watch. “You got any plans tonight, kid?”

Castel is shocked by the question and slightly embarrassed as well. He never has plans.

“N-not tonight,” he says and rubs the back of his neck bashfully.

“Cool,” Nathan smiles and walks over to his bed. He takes out his laptop and sits on the edge of his mattress. “Wanna order a pizza? I can order it online so we don’t have to talk to people.” He chuckles and smiles up at Castel, “I can be an introvert when I wanna be.”

“You want me to stay?” Castel asks in disbelief. 

Nathan nods, “Yeah why not told ya, you look like you’re in desperate need of some R&R. We can watch some Netflix or play some video games. I’ve got my old Nintedo we can use if you want. What kind of pizza you want?”

Castel stands there dumbfounded. This guy really wanted to just hang out with him.

“Why do you want me to stay?” Castel blurts out before he can even stop himself.

Nathan looks up at Castel, “Just wanted to hang out kid.” He says as if his motives for inviting Castel to stay weren’t obvious. “Don’t you just hang out with your friends?”

“You want to be my friend?” He asks

Nathan blinks and smirks, “Well yeah I’d liked to be.”

“Why though?” Castel asks confused.

Nathan raises a brow, “Why do I want to be your friend?”

Castel realizes how insane and weird he sounds in this moment and decides he should probably explain himself a little.

“Well you see normally no one really wants to be my friend here on campus.” He runs his hand through his mop of curls, “When they find out how young I am they either feel threatened by me, or they treat me like a child. No one has really wanted to be my friend since I got here.”

Nathan expression saddens slightly, “That’s not right dude.” He shrugs, “I mean yeah it’s a little intimidating to have someone so young be in the same program as me, but it doesn’t make me not want to be friends with you.” He chuckles a little, “I mean it’s not a race, we’re all going to the same place doesn’t matter how fast you get there.”

Castel blinks feeling as if it was almost too good to be true. “Really?”

Nathan smiles kindly and nods, “Yeah dude. I’m sorry that happen people are terrible.” He shrugs, “I’m being nice to ya because I want to be your friend, like a normal person. And besides,” he smiles kindly, “you looked like you really needed a friend.”

He has no idea!

Castel smiles brightly, he has a friend! A real friend! Someone that actually wants to be with him! He didn’t even have to put in any effort, he didn’t have to make small talk, or start up a conversation that ended abruptly and painfully. He’s got a friend!

Nathan chuckles, “So pizza then?”

Pizza, video games, and Netflix filled the night along with laughter and conversations silly and deep. Castel couldn’t remember the last time he felt this comfortable with someone other than Joy, but he could tell he and Nathan were going to be friends for a long time.

[snkret-photography]

Act Up

The fact that nobody paid attention to that song until one of the Lil’ said he wrote “Real ass bitch, give a fuck bout a nigga.” Which I have to say… I aspire to be able to write songs to this level because seen. But before we all bandwagoned over there, LightSkinKeisha definitely had me questioning if bitches were going to put that ass on the mother-fucking floor. The overall message of every song that I have taken joy in titled, “Act Up,” have all had a common theme: a) I could twerk down at a given moment, b) hello treadmill sprints, and c) turning yourself the fuck up and not worrying about these other people around. To that last point, and in a more eloquent manner of statement, you have to take care of yourself first, foremost and forever understanding that you have to be your biggest cheerleader, hype man, and push because people and things will come and go with or without your permission. But you know what you can always do? Act up, go off and constantly grow and improve towards a life that you want independent of outside influence.

Now, a week ago, I had a whole post inspired by an interaction with my ex and really the internal confusion that it caused me when I didn’t want to let go. From that I’ve created a photoshoot and video during which I kinda forgot the source was him and redirected the vision to really focus on my own growth. Not going to lie, I had come to terms with the fact that him & I might never cross paths again and that we just wouldn’t be in each other’s lives. And having that interaction really showed me that I missed something I had already proven to myself I could live without. Sucked to think that it would come back and then leave again with no promise of returning. But I don’t know the future and in either case, I will continue to act up. Act up as in continuing to grow and improve more towards the person that I want to be.

Let’s back track for a minute to that long ass period between October and January last year where I completely said fuck this website, fuck that camera, and fuck social media. Well you all know it started with a bad breakup where we just couldn’t be friends and the communication wasn’t there for us to salvage properly. Fast forward to me starting a job that I really didn't want but was already decided on as of the opportunities it could provide for a relationship I was no longer in. I start dating a great guy who I had little romantic interest in but didn’t want to be one of those people who shuts the world out just because. So that was a neat experience of enjoying his company and also wanting to avoid getting too serious because I needed to just not be in a relationship. Forward to when that finally ends and I’m fighting with someone I’ve been friends with for a decade and felt like a soul mate. Then she wasn’t anymore. And the point of backtracking through all of that and looking at that time period here in a post about doing things for yourself, is to look at coming to terms with the end of relationships. Because at the turn of each of these, my primitive instinct was to drink some whiskey, hit a blunt, and get laid. However, in every situation, I created a new project because what value did crying and numbing bring. I’ll tell you: None. But the value of a check… bitch.

Now anyone who has actually listened to either version will tell you 100% the songs serve more as a warning for those who decide they want to have a problem. And that they can hate all they want but it’s not detracting from the person that they are and they’re still going to keep flying miles above. Lot’s of reminding you of the birkin bags, fucking your nigga and giving him back, having a bag, etc. My lifestyle. But for me I take that overall principle of just constantly flexing in your lane. Knowing the shit you’re doing is fire and that if you’re proud of it, that’s all that matters. Everyone doesn’t have to subscribe to your opinion or vision and they just won’t. A lot of times judgment comes from hate because you can do something that they can’t so instead of leveling up, they try to bring you down and that’s when you gotta act up and just let them know, you rocking out because you’re unconcerned with their opinion. But in that I’m reminded of how many times we sit back and conform to those around us either in action or opinion because we’ve placed more value in their approval than in our ability. That’s just sad. The fact that you would give someone the power to dictate what is valuable to you is something that we’ve all done but it’s not something that we all recognized. And at the point of understanding what was happening, a lot of times we chalk it up to the loss. I had a relationship where the biggest thing for him was figuring out life after college and having some straight boy fantasy life with fences and shit so I started creating the bases in my life that would allow us to have that. I want to travel and be on sets for hours but I put that to the side. I had a friend who I always had reserved feelings towards just because of how unfair certain balances were but she placed emphasis on the longevity of our friendship and thus I assumed that I needed to assign the same value. Else we would have fallen out a while ago. And with the other guy I dated, I didn’t want to really do anything but I didn’t want to disappoint him out of some innate need to be liked and accepted versus my desires to take care of myself and act accordingly.

Anytime you start establishing your boundaries and doing things because it’s what is best serving you, someone who has overstayed their welcome in your life will subsequently cause you to question that decision. Don’t. Question them. I have so many acquaintances that constantly suck my dick in my face yet do nothing to help in my actual growth or development and are actually surprised when I start talking about ventures that I’m partaking in/opportunities that I’ve been given. Plenty of people who saw me during my reintroduction phase into photography and didn’t understand that practice was going to take me somewhere. Even better, and then I’ll get off my little high horse, people who liked having me around when they had something to teach me yet had plenty of criticism when I was performing better than expected. All in all, these people exist in every fashion for all of us and they’re hard to identify until you start acting contrary to how they want you to. So I say act up every chance you get. Keep growing and improving to be better than you dreamed for yourself no matter how many ceilings and self-limitations that others have projected onto you. And then remind them that you’re no where near done.

"People will come and go. They'll die or they'll just leave. Mourn them. Pay homage to their value. But know that it can never surpass your own. You're here from birth until death; those chapters belong to others but you get to write everything in-between.""  -- Orlando, The Birds Fly

[qualitativeresearch2017]

Interview~Part 1

Katy: What sparked the interest in the research of anxiety?

Hattie: I think it was just cause everybody feels anxiety at some point in our lives. So I think it’s like a really common thing and I wanted to do something that helps the bigger population than just a specific small population of people, so that’s why I wanted to do that.

K: You said you wanted to do it at the college, is that just because of the convenience of it?

H: Yeah, definitely the convenience of it. My first semester here I actually participated in a research study with a grad student and she kinda did it, the same thing as like. I think it was just to see stress levels. She did it with photography and we had disposable cameras, and I just thought the idea that she had just seemed like a cool idea. We went to the library and they had those secluded meeting rooms that we would do into and it would just be a one on one and she would just record all my responses to questions. I think it was like once a month. And I just, I thought it was cool. So I was like that’s a good set up, and I kinda want to do the same kind of thing, but maybe not photography.

K: Was that an art therapy major too?

H: Yup

K: So they did photography, what kind of intervention or activity would you want to do?

H: I think I want to try, I’m not exactly sure how many yet. But I definitely want to do mandalas. Cause of like research studies I’ve read where they’ve proven to reduce stress and anxiety with their clients. Maybe some of the assessments we’ve done in class too. Maybe the bridge drawing and maybe like a coloring page too.

K: Would it just be undergrad students that you would look at or would you look at grad students?

H: I think I would look at both undergrad and grad. And now that I think of it, maybe ask even some of our professors to participate too.

K: It would be interesting to include the faculty. You’d get a very wide sample.

K: So can you see yourself applying any of that research to your eventual work in Iceland?

H: I hope so. I kinda I hope this is like a spring board to like future research with people who have anxiety. I also want to look at depression in the future but I think for now I’ll just keep in simple and do anxiety cause like I said, everybody has felt it like once and I’m pretty sure everyone on this campus feels it, a lot.

K: Yeah, definetly.

K: So you want to work with anxiety, and in Iceland. What mental health issues are prevalent there?

H: I haven’t checked with my contact there but I asked my boyfriend and he said definitely depression because they don’t get a lot of sunlight. I think it’s only like 4 months out of the year that they’ll get sunlight pretty much 24 hours a day but then after that , they’ll have maybe 3 or 4 hours of sunlight in the winter.

K: Do you think you’d have to change up the kind of interventions you would do there just because of the cultural differences or no?

H: I don’t think I would have to change it up too much. They’re pretty, art wise they’re pretty similar to like how we do art here.

K: Is the art scene and culture pretty big there?

H: Definitely in the city.  They do a lot of street art from what I’ve seen.

K: So is there a lot of art therapy that is practiced there or do you think you’d be kind of a pioneer?

H: I would definitely say it would be a pioneer because when I met with the woman who is the president of art therapy there she told me that there is only, I think it’s like 22 or 23 art therapists for the entire country.

K: Oh wow

H: And they don’t even have a program in the colleges yet, so that’s something I kinda want to, I hope to help them establish in the future.

K: Is it like independent study over there basically to get a degree?

H: They actually have to either come to America or go to England and study, cause they don’t have anything there.

H: I’m not sure how they, if they do licensing there or if they have to do it in the country they studied in and go back there. There’s still a lot to figure out.

K: Definitely

K: How did you meet your contact?

H: I did a lot of google research to look for her because their art therapy page was kind of hard to find. So I think I found the international page first then there was a link to Sweden and then they mentioned her in Sweden’s art therapy page, so I googled her name and eventually ended up finding her. It was kind of hard to find her.

K: Did you guys meet in person?

H: Yup. We, I think it was about a year ago, we made an appointment. Actually we had to make two separate ones. She has kids and they got sick, so she couldn’t end up going, we couldn’t meet with her that day. So the second time we ended up going to a café and we just talked for like 2 hours. I think we only expected to stay there for like an hour, and just talked about art therapy and other things.

K: Wow

H: It was great.

K: So do you think you’d be exclusively working with her?

H: That I’m not sure of because I know she has her own private practice, maybe I could work with her there but the other thing that she does in work in, she called it a hospital but I think it’s just a school for kids who have special needs and that’s not really a population I’m interested in but if they have a spot there I might just try it out.

K: For practicum, you’re going to be working with people with addiction, right?

H: Yes

K: So does Iceland have any, alcoholism is the big thing addiction wise?

H: Definitely alcoholism. My boyfriend told me they do have people that do drugs and they are addicts but I don’t think it’s as prominent as it is here.

K: So would substance abuse be something you would look at too with your research at school?

H: I haven’t decided that. It’s definitely been on my mind since I got this placement. Maybe in future research.

K: But not looking at students as a potential factor…

H: No…

K: Was the research for this project always looking at anxiety or depression or did you have other ideas prior to that?

H: When I first came here like I knew about mandalas, like that was the first thing I looked at before transferring and I think I just knew right away that I wanted to do something with them. I think I actually did look into mandalas with people who have ADHD just because I have experience with that myself. So I think that’s what I was planning on doing but the more I looked into it the more I saw that there wasn’t enough research. It would be a little too frustrating to do that.

K: Right

K: What sparked the interested in mandalas, what attracted you to that?

H: I think it was a research study that I read about using them with people who ADHD and how it helps them focus more and I actually gave it a try and tested myself. And it actually definitely did work and it helped me focus a lot more so I think just to see how useful it was on myself, and I want to see how it would affect other people as well.

K: When you used it on yourself, did you set parameters of when you would create the mandala?

H: Not really, I just kind of went for it.

K: So in your research study that you’re going to do, will.. the parameters,… will you have them do a mandala before an assignment or after and assignment to relieve anxiety?

H: I haven’t decided on that part yet. I thought maybe asking them how their week went, and then answering those questions and having them do the art assessment and then I guess asking them how their stress level feels, if they feel more composed.

K: With the questions, would you do like a survey, scale..?

H: I think I would do it more like a survey. And then maybe measuring the anxiety with one of the scales

K: Have you had any scales for anxiety that you want to use?

H: I think there’s one called Beck’s Anxiety Scale. I know they have one for anxiety and depression, and I would try to use the one for anxiety just to get familiar with it.

K: Is this the first research study that you’ve done or going to be doing, or have you done something similar in undergrad?

H: No, this is gonna be the first study I’ve done. I remember I had to do a research proposal for my senior seminar in undergrad and I believe that was also anxiety, but I also think I did anxiety depression. I definitely put mandala in there, and there were other assessments but I can’t remember because it was a year ago.

K: So that was kind of like your prototype for this?

H: Yes

K: Do you think you’re going to go back and look through that senior thesis to

H: Yeah definitely, there might be a research study in there that I probably forgot about because I know I had to use like 4 or 5 research studies but I know one of them I’ve been clinging on too and that one has mandalas, and I think they did a comparison to that, to this sheet of paper that had a plaid design and they had to color that and the other thing was a blank sheet of paper and they were asked to draw, so they did a comparison of those three.

K: And you said something about that you want to make use of coloring sheets? Any, like what kind of subjects would you want to use on the coloring sheets?

H: Maybe I would find like a nice intricate design from those adult coloring books and use that. I don’t think I would want to use the same plaid design they used in that study just because they would be replicating them a little too much.

H: I might save replicating that study further down the line.

K: So with the adult coloring books, have you had experience with using those and finding them therapeutic?

H: Yeah, I have quite a few actually that I’ve gotten from family and friends for Christmas, and I don’t know when I was a kid I did like coloring books but I found coloring in the lines a little frustrating just cause I like being organic with my art style, and it felt too restrictive. And I kind of feel the same way even now. I have sat down with a few of them, but I’ve never really finished any of the pages just cause I would get bored because I felt too restricted by all the lines.

K: For the mandala and the coloring sheets what materials do you think you’d utilized?

H: I think colored pencils and maybe fine point markers. I don’t know if I would use paints. I think it would just be colored pencils and fine point markers. It probably would just be done on a nice piece of, I guess like a textured construction paper.

K: Would you just forgoe using the paints just because of the anxiety using those, versus using colored pencils?

H: Yeah, unless maybe using water colored pencils. I could see giving that a try.

K: How would you go about getting participants for your study?

H: From what I’ve been thinking I might do, like a flyer around the school and have those little stubs around the end that people can tear off and they would have my email address on it, and they would just contact me through my email if they wanted to participate.  But I haven’t decided yet exactly on how many people I want to participate in the study yet.

K: Is there a location you have in mind like around campus or is that further down the line?

H: I was hoping the library would be finished by the time it gets done, if it doesn’t maybe I would do it in the quiet spaces in the Townhouses, if that would be ok with the area. I haven’t been down there so I don’t know if it’s no talking at all, or if we can go in a secret, just secluded room to talk.

K: You mentioned that you would see if faculty would be interested, is there…would it just be members of the art department or would you be open to all faculty members?

H: I think it would be open to all faculty members, just because I don’t want there to be bias behind the art activities.  

K: I know when people are given a task or an assessment that involves there is sometimes, they are a little weary, is there anything you would do to reassure them?

H: I think I would just tell them that nobody is perfect and their art doesn’t have to be perfect, I’m just testing their anxiety level and not their art skill level to make them feel a little less anxious about doing the art.

K: Do you foresee any potential issues with this or do you think it’s pretty straightforward?

H: The only issue I see with it right now maybe would not getting enough people to participate, because I know I don’t want a really, really, really small group. I think maybe, I know I said I don’t have a set number, but I think I want at least 20 people and its possible I might get more students than faculty members, so that would be the big age difference in the study.

K: Would you set parameters around gender? Like make sure you hit a certain number of male or female?

H: No, I don’t think so, probably not. But I think maybe for the amount of grad and undergrad, I feel like there is definitely a lot more undergrads that go here than grad students, so I I might have a lot more grad, I mean undergrad students than grad students and faculty members. I kind of want to try to get an equal amount of grad and undergrad students in the study.

K: Have you thought about, about how you’re going to like…I know with the assessments that you use, have you thought about how you’re going to analyze the data?

H: Not sure yet, I think I would just compare from the questions I would ask before the art activities and then, and how they feel after the art activities. That’s the only way I think. And maybe there a possibility I could look the colors they choose and the lines they make when they draw things.

K: So you’d be doing a survey of sorts, would there be open ended questions or would it be strictly yes or no?

H: I kind of want to make it yes or no, just to make it easier on myself. Might even be possible that I could find a survey that has already been set up test stress and anxiety.

K: Would it be a plan, if this is successful, to implement in other schools? To be used as a resource in counseling centers?

H: That would be a cool idea actually. Maybe not just like other colleges, maybe in elementary school, maybe high schools, and maybe middle schools as well. That would be kind of neat to see, like anxiety levels through different parts of life.

K: How would you adapt that to other age groups?

H: Well I don’t think they could do the intricate adult coloring books. I would definitely have to do children’s coloring books. But I remember Simone saying in a Children and Adolescent’s class that coloring books aren’t really meant for small children. So that would be something I would definitely have to adapt. Maybe they could just do a lot of free drawing? I don’t think mandalas would work either. But maybe…

K: I know you said you would use flyers, do you think you would make use of social media?

H: That would be a good idea actually. Cause I could definitely ask for permission to post on the VAPA Facebook page and the Springfield College Facebook page as well.

K: If you did that would you also, for your survey would you have them do the survey in writing right there with you or would there be an option for them to do that online?

H: I think I would want them to do it right there with me and I think I would set it up the same way that it happened when I was in undergrad and I had the study done. I think I would have, she had her laptop there, and she didn’t record a visual of me, she just recorded my voice while she was interviewing, so I think I would want to do it that way.

K: Would you be photographing the work that they do?

H: I think I would obviously with their consent.

K: Are you worried about the IRB approval?

H: Yeah, just because of last year with the second year students saying that it took them all the way to just after Halloween to finally get approval. I don’t want that to happen to any of us, cause that it’s self drive our anxiety up the wall.