#kinda like being a sexy pizza on Halloween because it’s Halloween and nobody cares?

[thecursivej]

Happy mothafuckin’ pride month from your local disaster Bi! BE GAY DO CRIME! (Jk jk… for legal reasons) BE BI AND THRIVE!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #292

“dear god, let’s make this fucking clear: dear god, there’s nothing that i fear”

What internet browser do you use? Chrome. What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) Mom just grabs the Great Value jugs. Do you have a job? No. Are you full-time or part-time? N/A Are you watching TV right now? No. Or are you listening to music? Yeah, "Mr. Crowley" by Ozzy. Such a great song. Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? No. I would NOT survive in jail. When's your birthday? February 5th. I cannot fucking believe I'm almost 25. Thoughts on kids? Too impressionable for me. Even with my niece and nephew, I feel like every single word I say just like... stamps into their brains, and what if I say something that negatively affects them? I feel like it's my responsibility as an aunt to be a fountain of wisdom when I'm definitely not. I just get nervous around kids. Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents? I wouldn't call it a "punishment," but when I skinned the everliving fuck out of my knees and Mom was patching me up while I was just sobbing away, my dad literally roared "SHUT UP!" from my parents' bedroom, and it's stuck with me forever. Honestly, I think it may be a root in my extreme fear of men yelling. Worst punishment from Mom, probably this time where she smacked the shit outta my arm as a kid and left a clear handprint for a while. Are you the type who is completely against abortion? Why? No, I am firmly pro-choice, despite being pro-life most of my life. I don't feel like writing a moral essay, but basically, I absolutely cannot agree with forcing a woman to carry a human they don't want for whatever reason for nine fucking months, endure one of the most traumatically painful things known to man, and then properly and adequately care for that child. That is such a huge fucking responsibility that should be forced upon *nobody*. "But adoption!" Yeah, go tell that to the thousands of children waiting on you. This is leaning on exactly what I said I wouldn't do, so moving along. Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? "I’ve read some books that were phenomenal, but I wouldn’t necessarily go so far as to say that they 'changed my outlook on life'." <<<< This was Johnny Got His Gun for me. Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? No. What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered? I would fucking freak. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, but I honestly do want at least one, primarily with a deep black and then some nice grays and neutral colors. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yes. Are your nails always painted? Quite the opposite. What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? I honestly don't really decorate because I just don't have the motivation, but Halloween is the best. Were you popular in school? Nope. Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion? BANANAS, dark sodas (like Coke or Dr. Pepper), peanut butter can... It's hard for me to tell much now because I have chronic heartburn and am medicated for it. Works great, so I don't experience this much. Is there something you intend to buy in the near future? Yes. Once my tattoo is done (I'm setting the appointment the next time we leave the house, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH), what I have left is going towards Venus' new terrarium. She really needs a 40 gallon. Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? I was the art kid, and family still insist I should be an artist. What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have? Omg, Roman has so many. He nuzzles me all the time, will collapse into my hand to pet him, he insists on being the little spoon at bedtime (no, really), he literally tries to groom me with his teeth, licks my face... He is just a doll. My little buddy for sure. Now onto Venus. She loves to chill next to me in bed or find a cozy place under the covers, and omgggg does she love to slither around the bed doing the periscope thing. So curious. What's the screensaver on your computer? I don't have one. What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I am WEAK for nice shoulderblades/muscular shoulders ok. What’s the sexiest thing about a girl? I am an ass bitch and I will not hesitate to admit it ayyyyyeeeee. Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021? Nobody. Who was the last person to send you a message on social media? My sister Misty. She's planning to surprise Mom (her stepmom, anyway) by showing up in a few weeks with her fiance and all her kids she's never met but desperately wants to. My mom is the only "real mom" she's ever had, and she just feels so bad that she has a by now teenage daughter (among three other younger ones) that has never met her "grandmother." It's just an expensive and long trip, but Misty's finally called it enough and is just driving down here with everyone. Mom is going to fucking sob. ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? Nice timing for this, since her fiercely anti-mask bullshit is all I can focus on about her lately... but there are good things about her. She truly is a very loving, passionate woman that, just like me, feels deeply and expresses it. What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown? Does grimacing count from a sudden bodily pain? Have you smiled at any point during the last hour? Yeah. I'm watching the VOD of Arin Hanson playing Kingdom Hearts 2 for charity, and he went on a total fucking laughing fit. His laugh is so precious, so I just couldn't stop grinning. What was the last thing you consulted Google for? Ensuring "grimace" was the right word for my former expression, even though I was pretty positive it was correct... I don't know if anyone's noticed, but my English skills are degrading, particularly in spelling. It's concerning me. I was an English whiz my whole life up to now. My only guess is it's related to how godawful my memory is also declining. So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? No. When was the last time you were on a carousel? Probably not since I was a teenager being goofy with Jason or somebody. What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? I have a picture on my dA of a beautiful elephant walking RIGHT by its fence at the zoo. It was pretty amazing, considering just how incredibly immense their enclosure is. Have you ever played Halo? No, it's not my kinda game. Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine? Oh, I'm positive I've read sections while in waiting rooms of various places. When was the last time you had a pillow fight? I have no idea. Realistically it was probably w/ Jason since that sounds like some cute playfighting thing we'd do, but I don't remember a particular instance. Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: "Retail works. The horror stories my mom has on the daily is absolutely ridiculous. People can be so incredibly rude." <<<< I absolutely agree with this; what friends and strangers alike rant about is just depressing. Nobody, especially those working through a goddamn pandemic that's killing thousands, deserves the disrespect that comes their way. Have some goddamn decency and know half the issues you bring up to retail workers isn't even their damn fault. Ohhhh, I could rant about this. In your own words, define what the word sexy means. So you mean like, what I think is considered sexy, not just the general definition? If that's the case, uhhh. Self-confidence (but absolutely not arrogance) is very attractive to me as a bitch who lacks it entirely, as well as good manners, being outgoing, and just... charm. I don't quite know how to describe that "charm" other than I'm really drawn to people who are unique and happy with it and just seem to have an aura about them that feels good to be in. What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live? I'm going to look at this question as if you're asking about my state and not general location because 1.) there ain't shit here and 2.) I'd prefer to keep relatively where I live quiet on the Internet. Looked it up and apparently NC's biggest tourist bait is the Biltmore Estate. Never been there myself, but it'd be pretty dope. Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? I'm in my own home and pjs, who the fuck wears underwear with that criteria lmao. Are you any good at volleyball? NOOOOOOOOO. I went to a volleyball camp thing once when I was younger and that shit hurts the hell outta your hands. I didn't stay long. Have you ever had a water balloon fight? Why of course. Do you think some babies are ugly? Quite honestly, probably most, especially newborns. Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I do; going there was one of the most exciting possible things to me as a kiddo. Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? Possibly. I mean they sure are pretty successful and well-known. Do you love stuff-crusted pizza? Eh, it's not my preference, but I'll eat it. Do you apply lotion after you bathe? No, but I really should, given how dry my skin is. What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? I'd like to not think about this. Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? Lol definitely not. I think at least one on my older channel hit 1k somehow???? It was a birthday gift I made for someone. Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? lol I already have one there. At some point I'm getting it covered, though. Do you like Robert Frost poems? I do! Do you go to church every Sunday? I never do. Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year? No, I don't play that game. You want me or you don't, so I'm not wasting my time on your uncertainty or just our lack of stability for whatever reason. If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Absolutely writing. What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? ?????????????????? i don't?????????????? care???????????????? they're not my tits??????????????? What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I don't know. I avoid trying shit on like the plague. And then it ends up being too big/small. I wonder why. Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes? I've only ever fallen asleep naked once, and accidentally at that, so I really don't remember how I felt about it? Consciously though, I would feel very, very vulnerable so don't have plans to when I have my own place. Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? HAHAHA Y'AAAAAALLLLLLL THIS WAS DEADASS THE ONLY LUCID DREAM I'VE EVER HAD LMAOOOOO Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? My short-term memory is absolutely atrocious, like to the point it seriously affects my ability to get shit done. You can give me something that needs to be done and I will forget in a heartbeat. Now, my long-term memory is astonishing. I can remember many things from my childhood in incredible detail. Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before? Did you need to have surgery for it? I've had a concussion or two. I can't remember which. I didn't need surgery. Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve? Yeah: chronic depression, crippling social anxiety, generalized anxiety, avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), obsessive compulsive disorder, PTSD, bipolar II, and I think that's it. My head's a mess and a half. What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? About to the small of my back; how it is now, which is pretty much shaved on the left and fades to near my chin on the right. I actually got it cut last month; we've gone to a family friend for years whose shop is just an extra building by her house and very rarely has more than two clients in it. We had masks on, of course. At what age did you start getting gray hairs, if you happen to have any? I don't have any. Somehow, given my stress level at all times, haha. What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it? It's too short to style. I don't use any products in it but obviously shampoo. Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? Probably my mom. I think she was in a rotten mood for one reason or another and just being snappy and generally rude. Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? We do; it's by choice, and it'd be immensely ignorant not to where we live considering it literally gets picked up with the other garbage. Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day? I've never tried carbonated water, and flavored water rarely works for me due to artificial sweeteners giving me beastly headaches. So I'll just take really cold, filtered water. Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? I had to call the ambulance for my mom right before her cancer was discovered because she was literally immobile and in ungodly pain. When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? At my old college, as the newspaper photographer, I took some artsy pics up there. I will probably forever worry that leaving school resulted in the biggest career opportunity slipping through my fingers through that newspaper. Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? I guess about the normal amount you'd see in the country. Some dangerous animals live here, sure, that's probably everywhere, but you very rarely see any. Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? For suicidal thoughts and one attempt, yes. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? Ahhhh, do I know those well. Thankfully, it's been a long time since I had an all-out panic attack. Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID? Nope. Well, besides being a vet, which I haven't wanted to be since I was a kid. Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? No. Because it's apparently a fuckin hoax or not as bad as the government wants us to think. Fucking cretins. Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree? Artificial. Real ones aren't worth the money nor mess. What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn? Caramel corn. Do you drink oat milk? No, but I'm interested in at least trying it. The dairy industry is absolutely repulsive if you look into it, and I'd love to do what I can to take as little part in it as possible... even though I am a dairy fiend. I seriously wish I could go vegan, I am just WAY too picky for it. Do you love thrifting? Oh fuck yes. I've been very few times in my life, but I'mm all about it. Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic? I do find it visually appealing; I like the flow of similar letter height. I never do it for "serious" things, but on places where it's "for the aesthetic," it's likely that's how I'll write something. Do you say “mood?” Way too much lmao. Do you own fairy lights? No, though I would like them if it wouldn't look stupid in my room. Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? ... I didn't know glass straws were a thing. I have a handful of metal ones though, but I always forget I have one in my purse when I go out... Have you made a TikTok? No. Do you own airpods? No. Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I don't believe in a planet's position or whatever having any effect on people. Do you make life choices based on astrology? Definitely not, considering I don't believe in it to begin with. How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Maybe like, five? Number of jeans in your closet: Zero. What accent do you have? Not really any, but sometimes I sound kinda southern with specific words. Do you have a big butt? Yo I got a Hank Hill ass, so no. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? In my past relationships, yes, I assigned our anniversary to memory. I don't really... know why, like it doesn't really matter how long you've been together, I just do. Have you graduated? From HS, yes. I dropped out of college three times lmao. Rihanna or Lady GaGa? Ohhh, not sure. Maybe GaGa, but both ladies have songs I love. "Disturbia" doess beat all of her songs, tho. The fuckin BEAT. Do you use fake eyelashes? Never tried 'em. Which was the last book that really captivated you? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. What makeup brands do you use? I'm not loyal to any, really. I would be if I could afford expensive shit, but yeah, that ain't my life.

[alchemist-shizun]

So we had an awesome idea and the thing kinda degenerated

-a poem by me and @softanxiouspatton (honestly they did a big part in this they’re so freaking cool so a lot of credit goes to them)

‘Kay, hear us out. Sanders sides AU in which the sides are stuck in the Sims world.

Logan is canonically fluent in simlish, so they'd be able to make it out alive thanks to him. Imagine the following:

*sim blabbering*

"It appears they are asking for your hand, Roman"

"I'VE BEEN ONLY SAYING GIBBERISH FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES H O W-"

Virgil exploring the vampire pack: "This is where I live now"

He totally becomes a vampire, but when they exit the game and are back to reality, he goes back to human and he's like "aw c'mon are you kidding"

"Vampires aren't real, you couldn't possibly stay one in our worl-" "I CAN DREAM LOGAN, OKAY"

It becomes a horror game when they realize Virgil can burn and die under the sun in a matter of minutes and they have no idea where he would end up if he did.

Or like, imagine the game actually already considering Virgil as a vampire as they enter and it's pure chaos and panic already

Also Patton finds out he's not allergic to cats in the game since they're basically just ... pixels and bytes

Patton makes friends with the aliens and persuades Logan to accept the scientist carrier so they can make a portal to travel to the alien world

And then, one day, Remus gets abducted by the aliens

"abduct me? that's sexy of you but you could've just asked" "are you sure you want this one?"

Deceit decides to go hiding in the jungle pack because dealing with an alien pregnant Remus would be total hell

So he's like idk,,, an archaeologist

Patton becomes a fairy!!

And Logan is a witch!!

And finally, Roman becomes a mermaid and sings the Ariel soundtrack all day long

What if Remus ended up as a ghost. Like someone had enough of him and just,, stabbed him

(It was deceit)

(he had a chisel in his hand and Remus was very close it wasn't his fault okay)

Now because of that Deceit has to take care of the alien baby

And! GASP!! The baby comes back with them to the real world!

"Okay so I can't stay a vampire but an alien child is totally fine"

"Well if things come back to our world only if they're real, then-" "HOLY SHIT ALIENS ARE REAL"

Logan and Roman respectively

They start bringing aliens into their world, one day Thomas finds one in the kitchen eating pizza

He summons the sides "guys what did you do"

"I think we might need to talk" "Perhaps"

So when they tell him everything Thomas is like "guys they have friends and families too!"

When the aliens leave Remus wonders if he's ever going to see his alien again

And one day he will come back to retrieve the child

"You came back!" "Yeah I'm taking custody of my child and raising them right, you're unstable"

He whines about this for weeks.

After that he goes "ALRIGHT TIME TO FUCK ANOTHER ALIEN"

Everybody just stops him and Thomas bans them from playing the game again

Although one day Thomas logs in just to chill a bit and he finds them all there, standing in a circle

"... what are you doing?"

".... taking vengeance on Remus's child"

And now, the angst

One day Patton becomes super lonely, he goes in the sims world and decides to stay there

The others are worried, but Thomas is seemingly fine (this is because Patton's influence works even through the game)

And so they wonder: if Patton has ducked out, but Thomas is fine, does this mean ...

Does this mean he can function properly without him?

They're shocked by the news, but want to know who else is?

Patton, who had decided to get out of the game for a bit and just so happened to hear the conversation. So he ducks out for real (quack)

And Thomas is v e r y affected

He's just so,,, cold and apathetic

And also overly anxious, since Virgil is the one remaining in control of his emotions

Even Deceit tries to help

They're all affected

Remus is let loose, he just runs around the house screaming

Roman becomes weak, he needs emotions to create

Logan doesn't feel any motivation

Virgil is working overtime

Deceit is overworking too as Thomas keeps lying saying he's fine, plus he's trying to keep that self-preservation safe

They try to confront Thomas about it, it's useless and they can't figure out where Patton is because none can function well enough

Patton comes back to see how "good" life has been and he's shocked to find the result

Virgil just breaks down to tears in relief (are those tears of exasperation, happiness, something else or maybe all of them together nobody will ever know)

Deceit just hugs Patton and doesn't bother lying at all saying he's very glad to see him

Logan is shocked and can't react at all

Roman is actually super weak and Patton starts crying cause he looks like he's about to collapse. Roman doesn't even believe Patton is real at first and says it's a trick of Remus

Remus is low-key glad he's back cause he kinda got bored of how his ideas got easily shot down and he wanted his shock factor back (also he just wanted his brother to be okay again but sh we didn't tell you this)

Once Logan has the motivation and energy to actually react, he just pulls Patton into the longest hug ever

he can't even speak

Patton breaks down and admits everything

The others ask him to simply tell him next time, they also contemplate to delete the game for real

But they can't

because REMUS'S C H I L D

And next thing you know they only go into the game to just relax and do fun little quests together to take their minds off of heavy stuff

THEY GO TO THE JUNGLE AND THE SEA

Roman starts putting red seashell cufflinks to his outfits

Logan makes a habit of reaching for his wand from behind his ear in the real world and Patton gets him a pen that's shaped as a wand

We'd say "Virgil forgets he can go out in the sun" but he's already doing that

So he simply becomes a night owl, his sleeping schedule is messed up, so the others leave some snacks for him here and there in case he needs them

Remus forgets he can't walk through walls anymore and he keeps smacking into them

Roman goes swimming more and stays in the bath longer than ever

And you can find Deceit making a mini excavation site in the backyard

Patton gives good-luck forehead kisses forgetting he has no magic

He keeps jumping up believing his wings would come out any second but never starts flying

One day Remus finds him jumping and he joins in to assert dominance

Virgil having odd cravings for "blood" so he starts eating more read meat

He's EXCITED when Halloween comes around, so he can keep his vampire outfit longer

Remus plans to break into Area 51

Logan joins cause s c i e n c e

Deceit tries to stop them. "If they can't stop us all then why could Dee stop us KEEP WORKING LOGAN"

Roman prays Remus doesn't bring back an alien boyfriend cause that'd be actual hell

He does

Thomas is like "... can I duck out myself? why is there an alien?"

"uuuh bitch first of all he's my bf"

his name is L O T O R

Everybody is like are you kidding me

"I like the bad guys okay"

And Roman "He's got a point, bad guys are hot"

they all stare at him while he just wants the ground to bury him alive

(I mean he's said everyone loves the villain so)

Deceit like O h

Virgil like O H

They're dying, everybody

Patton is like ??? (But he actually knows, being Thomas's feelings he k n o w s)

Lo is just "eh okay let's get this over with"

cut to Lotor eating pizza in the bg and Thomas being like "nOT AGAIN"

I have no idea what we will ever do with this but feel free to take inspiration~

[ecotone99]

[RF] Enough to Make the Angels Weep

A mix of familial alcoholism and personal sobriety didn’t deter Sheila from loving drunk people. There is a unique honesty in intoxication. Fears, lusts, and cigarette butts come pouring out as the drinks flow back. Getting drunk didn’t appeal to Sheila, but its effect on others drew her in. Seeing people change from their everyday selves to a different creature from the safety of her sobriety was fascinating and at times frightening. An upcoming Halloween party meant the chance to see a whole new host of people, no matter how long Sheila had known them.

​

Sheila cheerfully rapted her knuckles on the door, eyeing the puzzling Halloween wreath clinging to the entry.

“Thanks for coming with me, Alex. I know you’re not one for parties, even if it’s your brother’s”

Alex shrugged, “It’s no problem, I’m sure you’ll have a good time”.

Sheila had learned in their three years together that statements like that were genuine, without the usual passive-aggressiveness that such words can contain. She quickly smiled back as the door opened.

​

“Hey guys, thanks for coming!” Paul said excitedly. Sheila stepped into the room as Alex followed behind.

“I should introduce you guys to my friend Gumba,” said Paul

Gumba was a large man taking up most of his side of the couch and wearing a construction vest with a bright yellow construction hat.

“Gumba, this is my brother Alex and his girlfriend Sheila”

Sheila waved her hand a little, “It’s nice to meet you”

She noticed a large object next to Gumba, mostly hidden from view by the couch.

“What’s your costume, Gumba?” asked Sheila

Gumba pulled a large sledgehammer from behind the couch saying, “I’m Bob the Builder but I could be Bob the Destroyer depending on how much I drink” he chortled.

Paul put out his hand to stop Sheila and Alex from going further

“I forgot to introduce my costume.” He gestured down to his body, “I’m sexy Eeyore”.

“No offense, Paul” Sheila giggled, “But, how are you ‘sexy Eeoyre’?”

Paul mock scoffed, “As you can see the zipper of this onesie is a little bit down and it can only go further “.

Sheila looked around the room a bit as she sunk into the couch.

“When did you get a piano?” she pointed to the other side of the room.

“Oh, I bought that for Brie. We’ve only lived together for a couple of months but she already has a plan to control every inch of this house” he laughed.

​

Bree walked into the room, her arms labored with Modelos.

“Hey Sheila and Alex, how are you doing?” she asked.

“We’re doing fine. Thanks for inviting us, Brie” Sheila answered

After passing out the drinks, Brie stiffly sat on the couch. She was in host mode and couldn’t find a way to get comfortable. “No problem. What do you guys want to do on this spooky day after Halloween?”

Gumba handled his sledgehammer with a little glee, “What if we smash the angel statue in the backyard?”

Brie shot up, the cartoonish eyes on her giraffe onesie rattling around. “You can’t. I don’t want to be haunted again.”

Amused, Sheila asked, “What do you mean, haunted?”

Brie sighed, “I had to spend like $450 on an exorcist the last time”. Sheila’s face scrunched at the figure.

“Okay, Sheila, I see your science-mind going wild but let me explain. My candle broke and my sister’s also broke when she’s all the way in Los Angeles” Her body tensed as she retold the story.

“Were they from the same company”

“Well, yeah”

“So, you’re telling me that faulty candles from the same company broke in two different locations…?

Brie rolled her eyes. “I know how it sounds but listen to this, when I was haunted I had a rash and as soon as the exorcist came it went away”.

Despite all honest efforts, Sheila was soon busting up with laughter.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude but you’re saying that a ghost gave you a rash? What did the exorcist do, give you rash cream?”

Brie fell back into the couch with a humph, “You can think whatever you want, but just don’t touch the angel statue.”

Gumba leaned over in the silence, reaching to put his drink on the central table.

Brie jumped up again, half reaching for the drink, “Hey, can you use a coaster?”

“Oh yeah, no problem” interrupting his movement.

Brie looked around at the others. “It’s just that… my grandfather gave me this table”.

“That’s nice” Alex added tentatively

“He has dementia. He says he remembers me but I can tell in his face he doesn’t” she said maudlinly.

Paul drew her closer as Gumba retrieved a coaster.

​

Drinks were flowing and the small group devolved slowly, going from standing to sitting to slouching to eventually taking refuge on the wooden floors throughout the house. Alex nimbly went from the couch to the piano. Softly playing “Go Your Own Way”, Alex became an eerie beacon of movement in a house standing still. It was the stage of the party that Sheila weirdly loved most. She went around the party, helping those drunk as if they were wounded, offering water and assistance. Some people would resent having to babysit grown adults but Sheila loved to help these people. These drunkards were honest and appreciative, plus Sheila liked to feel needed. She starting humming to herself while cleaning the empty cans and cups. Searching for the trash, Sheila brought her stash into the kitchen where Paul was smiling from ear to ear. He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder, the fuzziness of his Eeyore onesie sleeve tickling her neck as he talked.

“I just wanted to say how great you are Sheila.”

She smiled back warmly, “Thanks, Paul I really appreciate it.”

“Alex has become so much better since dating you. I feel like it didn’t even have a brother before, he just kinda did his own thing and was closed off”

He paused, staring deeper into Sheila’s eyes.

“Alex is just so much more open now and happier, you’ve just made him a better person. I love you, my mom loves you, my dad loves you. You’re just so great”.

Paul drew her in for a hug. She hugged back, surprised at the grand show of affection.

As they pulled away, Sheila said, “Thank you, Paul.”

“Sorry if it’s weird to see me drunk. I just wanted to have a good time tonight. I hope you don’t, like, see my differently”

Sheila gave an understanding look, “Don’t worry about it Paul, you are a very sweet drunk. I don’t see you any differently because I think alcohol just amplifies what’s already there. Nobody turns into an asshole when they drink, they were just a jerk sober too but better at hiding it. You being such a kind drunk just confirms to me what I already knew, that you’re a sweet person”

With his hand still on Sheila’s shoulder, Paul drew two fingers from his other hand from his temple to Sheila’s, drawing an imaginary line between them.

“You just get it.” He said drunkenly.

Sheila smiled as he broke away.

“I’m going to throw up now”

She laughed, “Okay, buddy”.

Placing the cans in the recycling she turned around to see Brie stumbling by the fridge. Her giraffe onesie created a reminiscent image of a newly-born giraffe not knowing what to do with long legs. But instead of a cute baby animal, it was, just in fact a sloppy 21-year-old. She gripped onto the counter as she happily talked about a baking frozen pizza to Gumba. Sheila grabbed an extra red cup and filled it with water before handing it over to Brie.

“Here, Brie, drink some water okay?”

Brie sneered back, I don’t want to drink this, I’m just going to spill on myself” She placed the cup on the oven before taking a couple of steps to the center of the room and crumbling to the ground.

Sheila shook her head to herself and headed to the fridge to find a suitable alternative. She found a filled water bottle with a sippy lid. Whatever is good for kids is also great for drunk people she thought to herself.

​

Sheila got on the cool floor and handed the bottle to Brie.

“See Brie? It has a sippy lid which is great for drunk people”

Gumba asked behind her, “Hey Sheila, where’s Paul at?” with more interest than concern.

“He’s in the bathroom throwing up”

Brie slammed the water bottle to the ground

“I don’t even know why I’m dating him. I’ve only dated douchebags before”.

Sheila looked at her on the floor a little surprise.

“I mean, I’ve cheated on every partner I’ve ever had” Brie tittered.

Sheila felt a weight in her stomach. She had never liked Brie, but this distaste was based on a more superficial incompatibility. Nothing so concrete. It made her sick to think that the sweet drunkard she had just talked to would give such kindness to someone like this Sheila stood up, thoroughly disgusted and her head spinning slightly from the revelation. The red cup Brie placed on the oven was now deformed, slowly melting from the heat of the oven but Sheila liked to think it was from Brie’s touch alone.

​

Alex was still playing the piano happily, in his own world. Sheila grabbed his hand, “Let’s say goodnight to your brother and get the hell out of here”.

“Sure, no problem,” he said, unfazed.

They wandered down the hall until they reached the bathroom door.

Paul was slumped over the toilet asleep, his Eeyore onesie uncannily adding to the sad picture. Sheila went over and ran her hand over the back of the head. “Hey Paul, I think we’re going to get going”.

He slowly raised his top half from his watery refuge and sleepily smiled up at his brother and Sheila.

“Thank you guys so much for coming. I hope you had a good time.”

Sheila rubbed his head again, trying to provide comfort to the man. “Yeah, buddy. Take care of yourself, okay?”

Paul nodded before rested his head on the side of the rim.

Alex and Sheila filed out of the narrow bathroom and started towards the front door. Gumba was sitting on the couch in the living room. Sheila approached him and said, “Let’s go breaking that fucking statue”.

​

Gumba, Alex, and Sheila all stood in a semicircle around the angel statue. The angel was made of cheap concrete with blank eyes and a lack of a smile. Its arms were open, but it seemed in no way inviting. Alex jumped a little from foot to foot “Can I go first?”.

​

“Yeah, no problem man,” Gumba said, handing the sledgehammer to Alex.

Alex pulled the sledgehammer so it rested over his shoulder as he examined the statue. The pose seemed strangely natural despite the contrast of the tool to his small frame. “I think I’m going to go for a wing. We can turn this angel in just a woman, way less sacrilegious to destroy”. He moved his shoulder forward to have the sledgehammer fall into his hands and in one smooth motion twisted his body to hit one of the wings off. The state wobbled a bit but stayed upright, a wing missing from the woman’s frame.

“Whew, that felt good. As a recovering Catholic, there was something cathartic about that” Alex gushed. “Here Gumba, you go”

Gumba grinned, “You don’t have to tell me twice”. After winding up a cartoonish amount, Gumba knocked out the lower half of the statue, resulting in two chunks on the ground. “Alright, Sheila finish her!” he joked.

​

Sheila picked up the sledgehammer, feeling a bit silly due to her surprise at how heavy it was. She switched her grip around a couple of times, trying to get used to it. She took a moment to look at the solid metal top before turning to the chunks of angel left. She still had her arms outstretched and her eyes blankly open. This cheap concrete angel could have brought a feeling of comfort and security to believers but Sheila felt a small chill looking at the arms reaching out below an expressionless face. Sheila brought the sledgehammer above her shoulder before bringing it down on the angel’s head. She tossed aside the tool and stepped back to observe their handiwork.

​

Alex looked over at Sheila, “Do you think we’re going to be haunted?”

Sheila slipped her hand in his, “I don’t believe in ghosts. But, in some ways, I do believe the bad things you do haunt you eventually.”

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