#king teppicymon xxvii

[pratchettquotes]

Behind him a voice said, GOOD MORNING.

The king turned.

"Hallo," he said. "You'd be--"

DEATH, said Death.

The king looked surprised.

"I understood that Death came as a three-headed giant scarab beetle," he said.

Death shrugged. WELL, NOW YOU KNOW.

"What's that thing in your hand?"

THIS? IT'S A SCYTHE.

"Strange-looking object, isn't it?" said the pharaoh. "I thought Death carried the Flail of Mercy and the Reaping Hook of Justice."

Death appeared to think about this.

WHAT IN? he said.

"Pardon?"

ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THE GIANT BEETLE?

Terry Pratchett, Pyramids

[harry-trumans-dishwasher]

Just finished re-reading Pyramids by Pterry Pratchett and I’ve assembled some thoughts on this b-side of a novel.

>Not a lot of Discworld Books about Family, right? I guess Wee Free Men had slightly similar themes, but that climax at the end when Pteppic’s entire lineage pulls a World War Z to get him up the Pyramid, I get emotional.

>Dios is also a damn good sympathetic villain! Not on the same level as Tulip and Pin, but you really feel his “WHAT HAVE I WROUGHT” vibes at the end.

>I wouldn’t recommend the book to, like... People from Egypt or people who know about Egypt. I guess it’s supposed to be an antidote to the Egyptology-mysticism you see in British Fantasy, but it has whiffs of the punching-down humor you get in Interesting Times.

>And ON that note, it’s wild that the Djel Gods aren’t real but the proper, “consensus” gods are real and chillin out on Nob Hill? And it’s even wilder how the book points this out in an aside?

>But I do love how Pterry overcomes his ignorance of Egyptian speech patterns by ignoring the problem and giving them all British accents. In the words of King Teppicymon XXVII, “Jolly Good!”

>”Oooh these two characters seem to be getting romantically involved... but they find out they’re half-siblings! Sike!” Still undecided if this was pulled off well.

>Sad how the main character just rode off into the sunset at the end. Pteppic ought to have gotten Otto Von Chriek’s agent smh.

>Pterry out here rotating fourth-dimensional polygons in his mind. This is a major plot point.

>The Assassin’s driving test is a work of art, but the reason why I need this book within arm’s reach is in case I need to look up this speech from the Head Assassin:

“We do not murder, ... We do not execute. We do not massacre. We never, you may be very certain, we never torture. We have no truck with crimes of passion or hatred or pointless gain. We do not do it for a delight in inhumation, or to feed some secret inner need, or for petty advantage or for some cause or belief; I tell you, gentlemen, that all these reasons are in the highest degree suspect. Look into the face of a man who will kill you for a belief and your nostrils will snuff up the scent of abomination. Hear a speech declaring a holy war and, I assure you, your ears should catch the click of evil's scales and the dragging of its monstrous tail over the purity of the language. No, we do it for the money. And, because we above all must know the value of a human life, we do it for the a great deal of money. There can be few cleaner motives, so shorn of all pretense. 'Nil mortifi, sine lucre.’ Remember. No killing without payment.” He paused for a moment. “And always give a receipt.”

[noirandchocolate]

PTRACI.  Favourite handmaiden (and daughter) of King Teppicymon XXVII.  Long, dark hair; small, pretty jaw; painted toenails.  She uses scent like a battering ram.  Not a great singer, despite the traditional requirement of handmaidens to be skilled in music; in fact she sounds like a flock of vultures who've just found a dead donkey.  Ptraci became Queen of Djelibeybi when Teppic renounced the throne, whereupon the priests and courtiers found that sweet young handmaidens can be far tougher to deal with than amiable old pharaohs.

Terry Pratchett and Stephen Briggs, “Turtle Recall: The Discworld Companion So Far” (I can’t believe I forgot to mention Ptraci in my one post of Things Terry Pratchett Did.  Ptraci is amazing.  As Queen of the formerly completely mired-in-tradition, woefully backward Egypt-expy country, she has since ordered all kinds of innovations to bring it into modern times really fast.  She starts off in Pyramids being kind of an airhead but it’s quickly revealed that this is because she was never really given an opportunity to be anything else.  Also don’t worry about the first part of this entry--Teppicymon never ever engaged his daughter in the sexy parts of a handmaiden’s usual duties, despite the kingdom’s tendency toward royal incest.  Nothing gross here I promise!  She was his favorite because he loved his kid and wanted her to be treated well, even if he couldn’t tell her they were related.)

[pratchettquotes]

When you die, the first thing you lose is your life. The next thing is your illusions.

Terry Pratchett, Pyramids