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ogcassiopeia · 4 years

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This is a rant and I apologize if I am coming off strong in the following unorganized mess...but I had to get this off my chest.

So I went onto the TVXQ hashtag on Twitter, as I sometimes do, to catch up on the most recent news about TVXQ/Tohoshinki and came across a little thread that got me…perturbed.

In the original post, some B*S fan was raving about B*S’ top sales numbers for their recent album in Japan, putting B*S in the number one spot on the “Top Selling Foreign Artist Album” list, and pushing Tohoshinki’s 2010 “Best Selection” album down a notch to number two. This fan is exclaiming that B*S has now beaten Tohoshinki, destroyed their records in Japan and are more popular than Tohoshinki in Japan and worldwide.

I do not have a Twitter because I do not like fandom drama…I never have. I don’t have any desire to be a part of it. BUT….BUT….I will want to say something if I feel like TVXQ/Tohoshinki are being disrespected and/or the wrong facts are being spread because I want to ensure the legacy of TVXQ/Tohoshinki remains in-tact. I have been a Cassiopeia/BigEast since TVXQ’s debut, I have gone through the highs and lows of fandom, I watched everything seemingly fall apart in 2009-2010….so I am not here to watch newer kpop fans bash all the groups that were successful prior to their knowledge of the industry.

ANYWAY.

So here I go, putting my two cents here…where no one will read it but WHAT-FUCKING-EVER…what do I have to lose?

Just a little background context on me so that you know why I feel I can speak about these things as honestly as I am right now: I have loved Japan and Japanese culture since I was a child. I have been surrounded by and involved in learning about the Japanese culture since I was younger than 8 years old. I have studied Japanese language for 10 years. I lived in Japan for 2 years. I still work directly with Japanese exchange students on a daily basis and have connections in the BigEast fanclub. Of course, I am not Japanese but I think I know enough to say what I feel about Tohoshinki’s popularity and influence in Japan.

1. Tohoshinki built themselves from the ground up in Japan starting in 2005. They learned Japanese fluently, practiced cultural sensitivity and embraced the fact that they would have to work hard to achieve success. So when you say that Tohoshinki are irrelevant and/or not worthy of the fame they have now, it is incredibly insulting.

2. TVXQ/Tohoshinki may not have expanded their popularity into the West, but they were the second successful kpop act (following BoA) to gain incredible success in Japan, which is the second largest music industry in the world. Just because B*S is famous in Western countries, it doesn’t mean they are the best kpop group out there, nor does it mean they are all that accepted by the general audience in Japan.

3. TVXQ have filled arenas and stadiums all over Japan and have sold more concert tickets than any other foreign artist. They sold out three days in Nissan Stadium (for multiple tours) in under 5 minutes. They’ve sold out tickets during every tour. SOLD OUT. This means they fill to capacity every theatre, concert hall, arena, and stadium every single year. Overall they have sold nearly 2.5 million tickets to their concerts and that number is just a low estimate. They are popular in Japan and believe me…I’ve been to two of their Japan concerts IN JAPAN….TOHOSHINKI ARE HUGELY POPULAR.

4. Again, I lived in Japan for two years and again, I went to two of their Japanese concerts. One in Tokyo and one in Nagoya. TOHOSHINKI ARE VERY VERY VERY POPULAR IN JAPAN. When their “With” tour came through Nagoya, their faces were fucking everywhere. Posters plastered in train stations, on buses and inside trains….their music blasted in the shopping malls and in the downtown district, their tour trucks roaming around the city getting people hyped with their latest single. All the CD and music stores put out Tohoshinki displays and fans were dressed in red all over the city. The concert itself was full of people of all ages, in front of me there was a line of high school girls and behind me were some old grannies and a few fanboys.

5. Just to fully get you to grasp how popular they are in Japan: Tohoshinki are respected as a jpop group…not just a kpop group that makes Japanese music. They are jpop. To have that consideration given to you in Japan is a FEAT! Tohoshinki is consistently rated as one of the BEST groups, alongside legendary jpop groups such as Arashi, EXILE and Kat-tun. Arashi members have specifically stated how much they “adore and respect” Tohoshinki and think that HoMin are two of the kindest, hardest working guys in the business. THAT KIND OF SHIT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN Y’ALL.

6. At the Japan Gold Disc Awards, Tohoshinki has won 16 times for various different categories, including Best Asian Artist, Best Asian Album and Album of the Year. At the Billboard Japan Awards, Tohoshinki won Top Pop Artist in 2012 and was nominated in the same category in 2013.

7. I am not going to sit here and say that B*S isn’t popular at all in Japan or in the West, because OBVIOUSLY that isn’t true. But I do not believe they are popular in the same vein as Tohoshinki. Japan is riding this same wave of kpop interest that the West has been on. Anything that gets popular in America will usually become popular in Japan a little later (with some exceptions of course). The same kind of shit happened with Justin Bieber and Bruno Mars….they got famous in America and about half a year to a year later, they gained popularity in Japan.

8. I am also not going to sit here and say that B*S isn’t talented and doesn’t deserve the success. They are talented and I am happy they are expanding the reach of kpop internationally, especially in the West. This does not give their fans the right to bash the groups that laid down the foundation their biases are now walking on. BoA and TVXQ/Tohoshinki walked in Japan so that B*S could run. Same with how I feel all other kpop groups are going to now try and follow the path B*S has set for Western expansion.

Ultimately, the final word here is this: DON’T BASH ANOTHER GROUP, ESPECIALLY A SENIOR GROUP, TO MAKE YOUR GROUP LOOK OR SEEM SUPERIOR. Especially with false facts.

I am not sitting here bashing B*S to make TVXQ/Tohoshinki look better. I could, since I have had so many bad experiences with fans of this group…but I won’t because I am trying to be nice here.

Without Seo Taiji and the Boys, Shinhwa wouldn’t have existed. Without BoA, Chungha and Sunmi wouldn’t exist. Without Shinhwa, TVXQ wouldn’t have existed. Without TVXQ, B*S wouldn’t have existed. It’s just how the system works. Each have built off of the other. All are influenced by each other. Also, B*S has the luxury of having the world more open to them to expand than any of the groups in the 2nd Generation of kpop. Back when TVXQ debuted (2003-2004), expanding in the West wasn’t even considered an option.

TVXQ has worked too hard and too long for this kind of shit.

You do not have to like TVXQ because they are “old/irrelevant” to you or whatever, but dear good god, at least show a fucking sliver of respect.

#personal #rant #kpop rant #kpop twitter is so angering sometimes #tvxq #tohoshinki #all i want is to enjoy my kpop in peace #i will shut up now #thank you for reading this far

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taeyohonic · 4 years

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Just a Taste – Chapter Three

Summary: Being asked to take a blood test just to work at a merchandise booth should have been the first read flag for you. But you just gave them a sample of your blood in exchange for a very much needed paycheck and a summer job during BTS’ world tour. After the youngest member of the popular kpop band finds himself in a difficult situation, you come to realize that this wasn’t the last time you shed blood for your idols. or: You becomes the new donor for seven bloodthirsty idols, who seem to be way too interested in their new food source.

Pairing: OT7xfem!Reader

Genre: Fantasy, Smut, (Fluff)

Warnings: some profanity

Words: 3 k

Chapters: Prologue, Chap. I, Chap. II, Chap. III, Chap. IV, Chap. V, Chap. VI, Chap. VII

“Okay, there is no way this guy isn’t on drugs”, Joo-Won snorts as he jokingly nudges your shoulder. You can’t help but chuckle, eyes trained on the maknae… smiling radiantly in the camera. It’s such a striking contrast to his rude stone-faced smirk the day before. Of course, Joo-Won would notice.

Hell, you don’t even want to imagine the fansites and all the twitter threats dedicated to the youngest’s mood shifts. Jungkook’s eyes sparkle and his steps are light as feathers. He has such a carefree aura surrounding him – it’s enticing.

To clear your head, you take a hefty swing of the beer your friend has sneaked into the backstage-room. It was sheer luck that you met up – with your phone mysteriously vanishing and you no longer working at the booth. But it seems your … promotion was the gossip of the whole pre-concert team, so of course Joo-Won was up-to-date.

It’s not that uncommon to help out during tour, when there’s a shortage of employees. For you to move this far up in such a short time? Okay, granted, that does raise a few questions. But after your explanation, your friend was convinced, that everything was fine and dandy. When in reality…

“Or maybe he just got laid”, he shrugs, and you cough on the alcohol in your mouth.

“Damn… Woo… Why?”, you wheeze, and your friend tries not to laugh at your red face.

“Oh come on, don’t be a prude.”

“I am not”, you defend yourself, taking another sip to calm your body. The alcohol Joo-Won provided, after finding you starstruck in a dimly lit corridor, helped you getting over the fact, that sweet summer-child Jimin was a shadow. The thought alone makes you empty your bottle.

“Maybe this would be more believable, when your face doesn’t look like a tomato”, he teases and you are glad that color is returning to your face. After last night’s blood loss, every form of healthy blood flow makes you think of yesterday’s attack as a smaller incident than it was.

“Argh, stop it, Woo”, you say, punching his arm in mock anger. You two stay like this, glued to the screen and watch the concert. All the idols seem to be in great spirit – joking amongst themselves and performing to their full capacity.

It makes you wish to erase the last hours – meeting most of them in terrifying situations. Their music means a lot to you and now it will forever be tarnished by the blood and secrets spilled in the last hours.

“Want another one?”, your friend asks, after the concert finished and the people around you are again running around, packing up. Tonight, you’ll have dinner with seven vampires.

“Of course”, you answer.

***

“_____-ah!”, Jimin’s voice is extremely familiar from the hours of Spotify-loops you listened to during their last comeback. But the sweet voice is way too near and way too authentic to be coming out of your nonexistent earbuds. You turn around, the beer bottle in your guilty hands as you see the singer running towards you. His steps are es excited as his exclaim and you brace yourself for impact, his sweaty body colliding with you in no time.

The embrace feels alien, his figure roughly the same height as yours – his nose brushing against your own, warm, sweet breath meeting your skin. Wow. Jimin seems to feel way too comfortable around you for your first meeting. Well, if you count getting introduced to his shadow as well, it’ll be your second meeting. But still, invading your personal space so carefree makes your heart race. He smells so amazing, you’re not even bothered by his sweat against your brand new clothes.

“Jimin-ssi”, warns a hard voice behind him and your stare meets Taehyung’s cold eyes. They don’t stay on you for long, fixing on something behind you instead. If it’s even possible, his eyes defrost more. You remember your friend exactly at the same time Jimin’s soft embrace morphs into an uncomfortable grip. You try to turn around, but the idol doesn’t let you move an inch.

“Who are you?”, he asks. The air feels cold against your skin as a shudder travels across your body.

“Uhm, Joo-Won”, there is a short silence, “I... manage the lightstick booth.”

“I don’t see any ARMY bombs here, Joo-Won”, Taehyung answers, stepping closer to the three of you. You can clearly hear the stern tone in the way he pronounces the stranger’s name. What you can’t hear, are the profanities and treats coming out of the vampire’s mouth – too low for human ears to detect.

“Uhm, Jimin-ssi?”, you ask, awkwardness coloring your question as you – again – try to move out of his embrace.

He complies wordlessly, but doesn’t let you get far away, an arm draped around your shoulder is keeping you in place – by his side. Now you see Joo-Won’s eyes screaming for help and you feel an instant guilt resting in your stomach.

“Joo-Won is a... friend of mine", you start to explain - missing the hissed not for long as you gesture nervously around the boys. Your movement shifts Jimin’s arm from your shoulder blade to your neck and you feel his fingers flex against your skin.

Taehyung has fully joined you, having moved to your other side. Both idols flank your figure almost protectively. It’s... weirdly exciting.

“Is that so?”, the deep-voiced asks and... offers your friend his hand. Joo-Won looks at Taehyung’s offer like he has never heard of shaking hands. Before the silence gets out of control though, he grasps his hand. The lights flicker as you see Joo-Won wince in pain. What the hell?

A sickening ash complexion travels up his outstretched arm and you panic. What is Taehyung doing? In two quick steps you manage to break the handshake by moving between them. Jimin seems too enthralled by his bandmate and lets you out of his hold by accident. Now you turn your back against Joo-Won, facing the adored duo of Vmin, while shielding your friend.

“You’re here to get me for the work dinner, right?”, you say with more meaning behind your words. Both look at you with an unreadable expression. Then they nod, as if they just remember where and who they are.

“So... let’s go!” You step around both of them and head towards the exit, not even daring to turn around. The sound of hurried footsteps confirms, that both idols are following you. If you had known it’d be the last time you ever saw your friend, you might have turned around to memorize his handsome face.

***

“Where are we going?”, you ask as the two vampires hush you into the tinted van. They sit facing you and spread their legs comfortably. Taehyung’s shoes rest against your feet and his face looks so relaxed, you wish he could lend you some calm.

“To our hotel”, Taehyung answers. Jimin adds: “They have an amazing cook.”

“And a private room”, Taehyung finishes.

They do complete each other in a harmonized way, that makes you feel... very excluded.

Your hands are resting in your lap and you watch the car drive away from the concert hall. Two more events, then you’ll leave. You remember that the group stays in one of the most prestigious hotels of Tokyo. A stark contrast to your hostel. And far away from it as well. It´ll be a pain in the ass to get back later. Especially without a room key, or even a cellphone.

“Do you guys happen to know, where my cell and my key card is?”, you ask and look in the eyes of a smiling Jimin.

“Oh, Gug should have them with him.”

Yeah right, Jungkook should be there. The vampire, who sucked your blood last night. Cool, cool, cool, co-

“What do they say, ______? They are more afraid of you as you are of them”, Taehyung says reassuringly.

“That’s what people say about animals – not vampires”, you snort.

“Some say our kin is more animal than human, so...”, Taehyung shrugs and you muster him curiously.

“And what do you say?", you ask.

“Ah, don't get philosophical on our first date, _________”, Jimin whines and you do not even want to think about the word “date”. Instead you still look at the younger singer. He seems to be conflicted, before answering.

“It’s more of a balance. And sometimes it’s... more fun to agree with these people.”

You don't like the way he thinks, always believing that humanity is the only solution to live in content.

“There we are!”, both boys exclaim at the same time and you shrink in surprise. Are these two for real?

Without missing a second, Jimin opens the car door, and motions for you to step out of the vehicle. With one hand he covers his face with a mask, and you do the same. It would be more practical for him to get out first. Then you would have more room to move. But he is still as stone, as you stumble out of the car, brushing against his rumbling chest in the process.

You are at the back entrance of the five-star hotel and you can see the open door with a fidgeting waiter. After a few quick steps and two vampires behind you, you enter the building. The young staff member bows formally and you do the same – both idols not even thinking about returning the greeting. So, the good manners are just for vlives – good to know.

Soon you step into the private dining room, the air thick with anticipation as you make eye contact with the maknae. His exciting body moves at lightning speed and you are glad the waiter stepped out of eye side. For the second time today, you collide with a strong body. Jungkook’s nose dives instantly to the crook of your neck and you feel his hot breath against your earlobe.

“_________”, he murmurs and lets his nose travel up and down your pulse. You shiver in response, the recurring invasion of your private space making you feel terribly uncomfortable. Flashes of last night, the pain, the helplessness, the fear... all emotions are rushing back to you and you feel tears in your eyes.

“Jungkook. Enough”, Jin commands and the youngster whines, not moving.

“Jungkook”, the eldest tries again, this time with more volume to his voice.

Before a tear can fall, the vampire lets you go and takes a step back. His excitement crumbles when he sees the unshed tears in your eyes.

“_________?”, he asks, and your name sounds starkly different to the first time he happily called you mere moments ago.

You take a deep breath and you think you're losing your sanity, because you swear you can ... smell them. The odor doesn’t even scare you; it’s weirdly calming. With two more breaths of air you feel grounded enough to let your eyes travel across the table.

There they all sit. Jin – half standing, ready to intervene. Namjoon is watching you closely, is expression full of curiosity. Then there are Hoseok and Yoongi. The duo looks at you... in disdain. The younger rapper with rumored sunshine in his heart musters you like you are a cloud, hiding the bright orbit behind you.

And Yoongi’s eyes are filled with... dissatisfaction. You don’t need to be a mind reader to basically hear his scream “YOU DUMB HUMAN!”. Yeah, you didn’t follow his orders. But how could you not agree to Namjoon’s offer? You don’t even have to do a thing; just be there. But as you feel seven sets of inhumane eyes on you, you’re not sure, if this is really easy money.

“Alcohol!”, Jimin shouts behind you, making you jump in place. Damn, the two singers move with leisure steps forward; pushing you to the group, cold hands against your back.

Jungkook jumps away from you, creating more distance as his sad eyes linger. Why is he so upset? What did he expect? He attacked you not even twenty-four hours ago. How fast were you supposed to overcome such trauma? His bite under the band-aid burns as you self-consciously take a seat next to Jin. No way in hell will you sit next to Hoseok or Yoongi; it’s easier to face your opponents than rub against their side while eating. Before you are fully seated, you feel Jungkook take the place on your other side.

You eye him with suspicion, but the young man looks at you with big, innocent deer eyes, you can’t begin to compare him to the vampire version of last night. Maybe it’s for the best if you don’t even try. You are only here, getting paid handsomely, because of this boy. You are the leftover he needs around.

“Is that okay, Noona?”, he whispers as he – again – leans close to you. You shiver; this time not in fear, as you nod silently. Across from you Hoseok chuckles humorlessly. You ignore the blunt mockery and look at Namjoon for any form of leadership. He still just observes, now focused on the youngest as Jungkook smiles. You accepted him next to you. And he can’t smell fear on you anymore – maybe a bit apprehension, but no fear. He is getting even more excited now that your warmth radiates against his cold, dead body.

“Uhm – … did you mention alcohol?”, you ask, no longer able to stomach the thick silence. Jimin, sitting next to Taehyung, laughs freely as he brings out a few unopened soju bottles from under the table. With ease the young singer moves your favorite – strawberry flavor – in front of you and you thank him with a kind smile.

The others soon join, Hoseok being the only one without a fresh bottle, still managing half of his last one.

“It seems this isn’t your first today”, Yoongi comments, cold eyes on you as your cheeks redden – making Jungkook groan in satisfaction.

Is your drinking with Joo-Won this noticeable? You hold your alcohol well, and you are sure you didn’t stumble or slur in the last ten minutes, so how c-

“It’s your breath”, Namjoon explains unsolicited. A hand flies to your mouth. They… can smell the alcohol in your breath? How? You chewed gum before Taehyung and Jimin collected you.

“We have a heightened smell”, he adds, “all our senses are improved.”

“That makes concerts extremely fun”, Jimin says toasting his bottle in your direction. “The lights, the screams, the sweat and all the blood-bags in a stadium – it’s intoxicating.”

Your eyes widen at being called a blood bag. But before you can voice being offended, Yoongi repeats his question, rephrased.

“You pre-game, when you know you have dinner with seven vampires?” There is belittlement in his voice and you feel shame.

In your college days it wasn’t unusual to participate in daydrinking, or just an after-lecture beer. But now – faced with idols, who performed relentlessly for hours in tiering conditions – it makes you feel cheap. And watching the sadistic pleasure in Yoongi’s eyes makes you think, that this is exactly what he wants.

“I- it was just a drink with a friend”, you defend yourself and don’t notice, how the movement in the room stills.

“What friend?”, Namjoon asks icily, as he freezes your time, while looking at Taehyung and Jimin.

“A low leveled booth worker was all around her, when we found her”, Jimin starts and tries not to move too much, so you won’t get a whiplash when being in sync again.

“I took care of him”, Taehyung finishes and takes a swing from his non-alcoholic beer. He didn’t like alcohol when he was alive and he sure as hell doesn’t care for the intoxication now that he is dead. But that doesn’t mean the vampire doesn’t adore Jimin’s drunk stumbles and Jungkook’s alcohol infused exhibition.

Every single vampire at the table knows what the vocalist means with his words. The uncontrolled power to extract life-light through touch equals a disaster. But after many years of training Taehyung can control and dosage his ability to… everybody’s benefit. Joo-Won will be weak, ill and even thinking he wants to die. But the few seconds of power extraction wasn’t meant to kill – it was meant as a warning.

“Did anything else happen to her while you were supposed to look after her?”, Jungkook hisses sarcastically and looks at his brothers. Both avoid the venom in his eyes.

“If you can’t remember, we were actually with you on stage during the concert. How could we control her whereabouts, when we were hip-thrusting next to you? Hm?”, Jimin responds and the room fills with confrontation. Jin shifts uncomfortably in his seat – the emotions in high drive from his brothers. He is very thankful that the leader froze you, otherwise he couldn’t manage all the feelings in this group.

Jungkook stands abruptly, ready to pounce on the smallest.

“If you had let me keep her with me, this conversation wouldn’t even happen.”

“Ha”, Yoongi laughs darkly, “If we had left you with her, you’d be sucking her nipples by now.”

The lights flicker and Namjoon – again – just observes instead of intervening.

Hoseok moves suddenly, circling around the table until he stands directly behind your still form. He stares at you with dark curiosity.

What the hell where you doing with them? What could be so fascinating about you to make Jungkook this mad at Jimin and Taehyung? What made Yoongi leave his bed last night?

Why isn’t Namjoon stepping up as leader? Why can’t Jin control the room?

Why is he standing behind you? Why is he bending down to your face? Why is he craning his neck to face you – supporting himself with a hand on the table? Why are your eyes deeper than his desire to eliminate you as the thread you are?

And most importantly: Why are you blinking at him?

“What the hell?”, Namjoon and you exclaim at the same time as you stare at Hoseok’s surprised eyes, which are closer than logic would permit.

_______________________

AN: Sub, people! I’m sorry for the late post, covid-19 is a real b**** and my workload has doubled over the last few weeks. Thank you so muc to every single one, who commented, rebloged, liked, read! I am still very touched to hear, which parts/characters/storylines you enjoyed!

What did you guys think of “eight”? I’m a deep rooted shawol, so the MV in particular hit right at home.

I hope you all stay safe and happy! Let me know what you think! All the best, Dana

#ot7 x reader #bangtan fanfic #bts x reader #vampire bts #bts x you #jungkook x reader #taehyung x reader #jimin x reader #hoseok x reader #yoongi x reader #seokjin x reader #namjoon x reader #bts smut

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doodleybugg · 3 years

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oki i think this is the last one

1. What were your summers like as a kid? eh alright, i was forced to go to my grandma’s in bc and she hated me

2. Do you enjoy thrilling rides like rollercoasters? yep but they make me dizzy

3. Who was your childhood hero? my aunt

4. What is your favorite book? the lie tree by frances hardinge

5. What do you find most attractive about your crush? her eyesssss

6. What’s your favorite outfit? hm

7. Does seeing people in love make you happy? Sad? Annoyed? annoyed

8. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? no but i cuddle a pillow (it’s called maturity)

9. What CD did you play to death as a kid? harry potter 1 bc i kept falling asleep ughhh

10. Hike to a mountain top to watch the sunrise or drive out of town to stargaze? drive out of town to stargazeeee

11. What song has the most relatable song lyrics to you? Nine in the Afternoon by Panic! at the Disco (cause it's nine in the afternoon//your eyes are the size of the moon//you could cause you can so you do//we're feeling so good//just the way that we do//when it's nine in the afternoon) idk

12. Iced drinks or hot drinks? icedd but not too iced cuz they get too cold

13. Bright colors or neutral tones? neutral tones

14. Breakfast for dinner or pizza for breakfast? mmm cold pizza

15. Do you have a green thumb or a black thumb? idk what either of those mean sorry i’m dumb aaa

16. What’s your favorite feature of yours? none

17. Would you rather be a lawyer or a doctor? doctor

18. What type do you tend to go for physically? hm tall bitches

19. Power of invisibility or flight? flight!!

20. Would you rather wake up with your makeup magically done or your hair? makeup pLS

21. What’s the stupidest fight you’ve ever gotten into? someone said that ‘mariano was a bad character’

22. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen someone do in public? kiss, like ew

23. What’s your dream date? idk i guess watching a scary moviee

24. Do you tend to gravitate more toward using logic or intuition to make decisions? intuition

25. Do you like parties? sometimes

26. Did you enjoy high school? no ew

27. Who is the craziest person in your family and why? my older brother, anger issueeeesss

28. What’s your favorite holiday tradition? trick-or-treating

29. Can you describe your laugh? loud, squeaky, awkward

30. Instagram or Twitter? instagram

31. What’s a show that everyone loves that you didn’t? orange is the new black

32. What song is stuck in your head? they/them by atlas

33. Do you like exercising? yep

34. Do you scare easily? very

35. Who are your top 5 celebrity crushes? idk

36. If you could learn one language fluently what would it be? frenchh

37. Would you fly to the moon if given the opportunity? no no

38. What’s your favorite flower? dandelion

39. What non-sexual touch affects you the most? a hand on your thigh or knee when you’re sitting together??? uGHGHGHG

40. Do you enjoy cuddling? yesss

41. Do you like valentine’s day? nooo

42. Do you enjoy driving and are you a good driver? yes and no

43. What would you be most likely to become famous for? acting or singing

44. Do you have a favorite quote? ‘i solemnly swear that i’m up to no good’

45. Are you a romantic? yess

46. Do you have any tattoos or want to get one? i want a semi colon iykyk

47. Biggest pet peeve? people in general

48. Favorite personality trait about yourself? hm none

49. Sum up your type in three words. tall, mean, unbothered

50. Do you listen to Kpop and if so who is your bias and why? nopee

51. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed awake? almost two weeks but i passed out with like 2 days before the mark ugh

52. Hot or cold weather? hott

53. Bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates? floweys

54. Can you do any good impressions? nope

55. What’s the best prank you’ve been witness to? none lol

56. Favorite dessert? ice cream!! there’s a circle-k near my house and if you put ice cream in a slurpee it’s so GOOd

57. Is there a vine or tik tok you quote often? hmm there’s too many lol

58. What tumblr blog always makes you smile? all of my mutuals i’m just too tired to tag aaa

59. What country that you haven’t been to do you want to visit most? ameriCa mainly california

60. Can you cook and do you enjoy it? yep and yep

61. What’s your guilty pleasure movie? harry potter 3

62. What’s your comfort movie? encanto (the amount of times i’ve watched it)

63. Is there a genre of music you don’t like? country

64. What’s an album that you think has no skips on it? taylor swift red

65. What’s your favorite thing to watch on youtube? encanto or harry potter tiktok compilations

66. Would you make the first move to ask someone out? nooope i suffer in silence

67. Do you often dream or have nightmares that you remember when you wake up? eh sometimes

68. What are you craving right now? ngl i want icecream now that i mentioned it

69. What turns you on? haH 69 sorry

70. What’s something you haven’t done that you think most people have? hm idk

71. What genre is your favorite playlist right now and what’s it called? my playlist is a mix of sad songggs lol but it’s called torn love letters and the faint smell of gasoline

72. Are you a sad or happy drunk? Chill or energetic drunk? sad, energetic drunk, chill and excited high

73. What time of day do you like best? hm idk

74. Do you tend to enjoy being babied or do you prefer to be the one taking care of someone else? baby me plsssss

75. What top three cities do you want to travel to? idk

76. What’s your favorite feature about your best friend? they’re nice, they’re pretty, they’re smart, they’re funny, most of all they don’t exist

77. Do you have any pets? What are their names? two cats, Evelyn and Addison

78. Back scratches or having your hair played with? back scratches pls don’t touch my hair lovve

79. Do you like surprises? no no

80. What’s your favorite picture of yourself? none

81. What books influenced you most as a child? harry potterr

82. Do you like kids? babies yea

83. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? (or other accessory if you don’t wear any) i’ve been wearing this bandaid so long it feels like part of me so

84. Any wild stories passed around in your family? nope none that i know of

85. Do you consider yourself an independent person? very no

86. What are you most comfortable sleeping in? my caT

87. What was your childhood dream? to grow up

88. What’s your fictional OTP? wolfstar or jegulus

89. What’s one thing you want to achieve this year? ugh life?? ig

90. What has been your favorite book you’ve read in the last 5 years? the lie tree

91. What was the first movie to make you cry? neverending story

92. What book world would you live in if given the opportunity? harrry potterrrrr

93. What’s your craziest work related story? i don’t have a jOb

94. What’s the best job you’ve had so far? none

95. Worst tinder or date experience? they asked me to give em head,,,,,,, i was 15

96. What’s the first thing you think of when you wake up most mornings? uhm idk

97. Are you more of a planner or a spontaneous adventurer? spontaneous

98. Do you think you see yourself the way other people see you? noooo

99. What’s the last show you binged? b99

100. What’s one of your fondest memories? hm

2 notes · View notes

kpop-zone · 4 years

Text

8:24 | Irene

Genre: angst, fluff

Wordcount: 5,665

Request: Hey I am really the feel for angst, so can you have like an argument with Irene and a lot of angst happens there but then eventually Irene is the one who apologizes and a bit of fluff?

A/N: I had planned to post a short scenario on her birthday, but then i couldn’t stop writing... oops. But oh well, happy belated birthday to this queen.

„I’m home!“

You yelled when you opened the door to your apartment, but you didn’t even know why you still bothered. You knew that you would be met by nothing but silence. Your wife only came home to sleep at night. Although sometimes she even failed to do that and slept in Red Velvet’s dorm, because they had a late practice or something.

You sighted loudly and made your way to the bedroom where you changed into some comfortable clothes before starting to prepare dinner in the kitchen. Like usual you set the table for two, only causing you to get even more depressed when you ended up eating alone. To distract yourself from the twitching in your heart, you started to scroll through Instagram.

You didn’t want to be mad at Irene. Being apart from you was exactly as hard for her as it was for you. Often you had to cheer her up, because she felt guilty for not being the wife that she wished she could be. But you assured her every time that you had known from the start what you would sign up for.

Nevertheless, you couldn’t stop yourself from getting sad sometimes. It was only 8 pm on a warm summer evening. The sun was still fighting its defeat in the sky and when you looked out the window, you could see that the streets were still buzzing with life. You would give everything to be able to grab Irene and drive to the Han river to have a romantic stroll or to get some ice cream.

Your mind started to paint different scenarios of the two of you in your head, causing your heart to get even heavier. But you quickly shook your head to stop yourself from daydreaming. Just because you couldn’t enjoy a normal wedded life, didn’t mean that you couldn’t enjoy the best years of your life at all. There was nothing that you couldn’t do on your own.

Therefore, you quickly put on a pair of jeans, your shoes and a light jacket before leaving your house, although a little voice in your head told you not to go outside. You had gotten used to the fact that your wife was famous and that she couldn’t leave the house like she wanted to. What you hadn’t got used to, however, was the fact that people knew you too by now. After all, you dated Korea’s original visual. After your wedding, Irene had announced that she was married to a non-idol, because she was tired of the rumors about her dating fellow idols. No one knew who you were though.

But then some smart fans had started to put the puzzle pieces together. Irene and you had dated for a long while, so of course, you had accompanied her on her tours or went on dates together occasionally. And although there weren’t any photos that were showing the two of you holding hands or kissing, you could be seen in several pictures at the airport or at events in the background. It didn’t take long for the netizens and sasaengs to figure that out.

And from one day to another, your face was everywhere in the internet. People started talking about you and when you left for work the following day, some people suddenly stared at you, trying to figure out why you looked so familiar. You were somewhat famous yourself from that day on.

But you still hadn’t got used to that fact. Irene always told you to not leave the apartment without a disguise. Actually, the best would probably be to never leave it at all, if not for work or any other absolutely necessary occasions. Nevertheless, you didn’t listen to your wife.

You were young and married to a person that was rarely home. What were you supposed to do at home all this time? Therefore, you often just met friends downtown or went shopping. Till now, nothing catastrophic had happened yet. Most times no one recognized you. And even if someone did, you always had luck till now and could flee the scene, before anyone could take any pictures or attack you.

Therefore, you ignored your bad conscious another time when you shut the door of your apartment and happily called an Uber to bring you to Hongdae. You were tired of being alone and you knew that you could never feel alone in that part of town.

But apparently you had pushed your luck today. You had already strolled through several clothing stores, shopping for something to lift your mood, when you suddenly couldn’t get rid of the feeling that someone was watching you. At first, you chose to ignore it, but then you eventually tried to catch a glimpse behind you. Only a few steps apart from you, you could see two girls that seemed to be looking at the jewelry in front of them. But when you turned around another time, you caught their gazes flickering over the edge of the items in their hands and eventually landing on you.

“Shit.”

You muttered under your breath.

Quickly, you left the store, but when you turned around as soon as you were outside, you realized that the girls had followed you. And it seemed like your misfortune only started now. They were joined by some other girls in school uniforms and shamelessly pointed at you.

“That’s Y/N. The one married to Irene.”

You could hear their shrill voices, causing you to speed up.

But apparently, they didn’t care about your discomfort.

“Y/N!!”

One of them suddenly yelled, making all the heads of the people around you turn. Your face turned bright right and you ducked your head low. Suddenly it felt like everyone was staring at you. You needed to get out of there. With big steps, you walked to the place where the driver had dropped you off earlier. But it seemed like the damage was already done.

“Y/N can you give this to Irene?”

“How is it to be married to Irene?”

“You’re not even pretty enough for her.”

Comments reached your ear from left and right, causing you to almost run. Quickly you typed in the number of one of Irene’s drivers. You definitely couldn’t risk an Uber driver to leak your address. Gladly he picked up after the second ring and was willing to pick you up.

You needed to turn several circles around the block, because as soon as you stopped, several people started to swarm you and to give you gifts for your wife. But at last, you received a message, telling you that he was waiting for you. When you finally saw the car, you sighted in relief and basically dove into it.

“Thanks for the lift.”

You grinned sheepishly once you were seated, feeling a little embarrassed that you had to be saved like some unexperienced teenager.

“You know that Irene will kill you right?”

The driver said dryly while glancing at you through the rearview mirror and your grin died down.

He was right. Irene had warned you often enough, but you had always played it down. You knew how concerned she was about you and that she didn’t want to be involved in any scandals. But could she blame you for wanting a little distraction? You remained silent the rest of the ride, thinking about how long your wife would need to figure out that you had carelessly left the apartment. The news were probably already on some fanpages.

After the driver had dropped you off at your apartment complex, you looked on your phone.

10 pm

Irene was probably not home yet. At least you hoped so. When you opened the door to your apartment, you were proven to be right. No one was home.

Having enough excitement for the day, you quickly changed into your pajamas and went to bed. You couldn’t stop your brain from working though. Curiosity seized you and you wanted to know whether you had made the news yet. You opened Twitter, starting to scroll through your wife’s tags and you didn’t have to search long until you actually could find pictures of you.

Some posts were nice. People complimented your style or were happy to see that you were still down-to-earth, despite dating one of the most famous idols in Kpop. Some posts, however, weren’t that nice and you knew that Irene would be very upset by them.

Hopefully she would never see them. Especially one video was alarming. You hadn’t even realized it in the heat of the moment, but some of the fans had actually shoved you in the turmoil. If your wife saw that, she would probably snap. She was really overprotective. You just had to hope that she would be too busy to check her phone the next days.

Your hopes were crushed though, when you could suddenly hear the front door of your apartment slam. Someone wasn’t in a good mood. Quickly you put your phone on the nightstand before grabbing a book and pretending to be immersed in it. No ten seconds later, the door to the bedroom opened and your clearly upset wife was staring at you.

“Can you explain to me what that is?”

She asked sternly while walking closer to you with her phone in her hand.

The screen showed -of course- the worst video of all and you gulped.

“That’s a really flattering angle, don’t you think?”

You tried to lighten the mood, but Irene only seemed to be even more angered by your statement.

“This situation is not funny, Y/N. Do you know what could have happened? Do you see how they are pushing you? How often have I told you, not to go strolling around the city?”

You felt like a kid being scolded by their mother. And you couldn’t even defend yourself this time.

“That’s it. You’re not going to leave the apartment from now beside for work until I figure out a way to protect you.”

Irene stated determined, but you looked at her with wide eyes.

“Excuse me?”

You asked perplexed, but Irene only crossed her arms.

“What? You won’t listen to me. And I won’t just watch how some sasaengs insult and hurt you.”

Her intentions were good, but you could still feel anger starting to bubble inside of you.

“Irene, I’m an adult. I think, I can look after myself.”

You responded but your wife only scoffed.

“I could see that today.”

She said cynically, making you even angrier. You wouldn’t let her treat you like some child.

“What do you expect me to do? Stay in the apartment all day by myself, while my wife is out there enjoying herself?”

You spat out, suddenly feeling all the piled-up frustration rising to the surface.

Irene’s expression changed in a matter of seconds. Her annoyance faded and was replaced by hurt instead.

“Do you think I want to be away all the time?”

The bewilderment in her voice was unmistakable, but you had reached a point beyond reason now. First, you were left alone all the time and now she wanted to restrict your independence?

“You sure don’t look like someone making an effort to change the situation.”

You scoffed, causing Irene to look at you with her mouth half-open in disbelief.

“I-I think we should continue this conversation tomorrow when everyone has cooled down a bit.”

She stuttered in a desperate attempt to prevent this fight from escalating even more.

But you didn’t want her to be rational right now. You wanted to hear from her that she wouldn’t leave you alone anymore. Irene, however, just kept standing there, staring at you wordlessly.

Disappointed, you huffed before leaping to your feet and grabbing your pillow and blanket.

“What are you doing?”

Irene asked perplexed but you just stormed past her.

“I can’t stand seeing you anymore.”

You yelled over your shoulder before angrily plopping down on the couch.

With your arms crossed and a pout on your lips, you laid down, trying to fall asleep, although you knew that you would need at least an hour to stop your mind from racing.

Irene sighted as she got into the empty bed. She knew that it had been irrational to forbid you to leave the apartment. You weren’t her property after all. But she didn’t have the capacity to worry about you these days. Red Velvet was preparing for their tour while recording new songs. There were just so many things in her head right now. She needed to be able to trust you that you didn’t get yourself in any trouble.

Nevertheless, she needed to apologize tomorrow. It hadn’t been right to snap at you like that. Her plan was to make you breakfast and talk calmly about a solution to this mess. But after she had groggily turned off her alarm clock the next morning after having only slept a maximum of two hours due to the lack of warmth next to her, she found the living room empty.

“Y/N?”

She called your name, but no one answered.

Your shoes were gone too. You must have already left for work. Which was unusual, because you normally always left after her. Irene could feel a headache starting in her temples and sat down at the kitchen table to eat some breakfast, hoping that this would make her feel better. Although she knew too well that she could only feel better after talking to you.

Therefore, the rest of the day was a pain for her. She couldn’t concentrate and was annoyed by her members without a reason. Everyone was glad when the producer decided to let them go early, because he saw no point in working any longer as nothing productive was the outcome anyways.

“I’m sorry girls. But I need to get home to Y/N.”

Irene quickly excused herself, before letting the driver bring her to your apartment. She was thinking about buying you chocolate or some other apologetic gift on the way but decided against it in the end. She was sorry, but she also felt that she was right to some extent.

Nevertheless, she thought that she could soften your heart, because today would actually be the first time in weeks that she came home before 8 pm. Irene smiled lightly to herself when she imagined how you would try to be mad at her, but couldn’t contain your happiness when you saw her walking through the door. But Irene’s plan was defeated when she entered the apartment and heard another women’s laugh.

Taken aback she silently made her way to the origin of the sound and found you sitting in the living room with someone she didn’t know. You were grinning widely, and the woman held her belly while laughing, but as soon as you saw her, your expression turned to stone. The woman followed your stern gaze and her eyes eventually landed on Irene.

She looked at you questioningly and you cleared your throat.

“Yuri that’s my wife Irene. Irene that’s my colleague Yuri.”

You shortly introduced the two women that were looking at each other curiously.

“Your wife?”

Yuri asked a little confused and Irene felt irritation starting to bubble inside of her.

“Yeah, you know that I’m married.”

You chuckled while looking at her questioningly.

“Oh yeah, of course. I just though the two of you had split up, because you kinda never talk about her anymore. And you always whine about how much you hate to be alone.”

Your gaze snapped up at Irene and you looked really uncomfortable. Realizing that she had grazed a touchy subject, Yuri quickly shut her mouth and coughed awkwardly.

“Um... I just remember that I have a dinner engagement.”

She stammered, but you quickly leaped to your feet when you saw that she wanted to leave.

“You don’t have to go, Yuri.”

You said apologetically, but Irene saw that a little differently.

“I’m sorry, but I think you have to.”

She said while crossing her arms and Yuri quickly nodded before walking to the exit.

You followed her to send her off but returned a few minutes later with a stern expression.

“I’m sorry. Aren’t I no longer allowed to have friends over as well?”

Your voice was quivering in anger, but Irene didn’t react to your statement. She didn’t want to fight. Yuri’s comment from earlier was still playing in her head on a loop and Irene’s heart ached every time, she thought about how you must have felt all this time.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

Irene sighted while sitting down on the couch and massaging her temples.

You stayed quiet for a while, but then she could hear you sitting down on the armchair across from her.

“For what exactly, Irene? Kicking my friend out of our apartment, forbidding me to leave the house or neglecting our relationship?”

Your words felt like a slap in her face and Irene didn’t dare to look at you.

“For everything. But I’m just trying to make everything right.”

Irene almost whispered, causing you to sigh.

“I know you do. But maybe there is no way to make this right.”

You responded and after hearing your tone, Irene’s eyes snapped up.

“What do you mean?”

She asked, feeling panic rising inside of her.

“You’re not a bad person, Irene. I know that you love me, and I love you. But maybe that’s not enough. How can we call this a marriage? I barely even see you. Something must be missing.”

You explained, causing Irene’s breath to hitch in her throat.

“No, no, no. There’s nothing missing. What are you talking about? Y/N, what are you trying to say?”

Tears started to fill her eyes, but you remained silent.

“Y/N...”

She breathed, but you suddenly got to your feet.

“I need to think. Please don’t follow me.”

You said coldly, while already making your way to the door.

Irene quickly stood up, but you continued to walk away from her.

Like glued to the spot, she kept watching you disappear although she wanted to cling to you in order to hold you back. Something told her that you wouldn’t be coming back in the next hours.

Unfortunately, her gut had been telling the truth. It was already past midnight when Irene decided to go to bed although you hadn’t returned yet. Who knew if you would be coming home tonight at all? She had been drifting in and out of sleep for quite some time till she finally heard your key turn in the lock. In a matter of seconds, she was wide awake.

She decided not to move an inch though, because she was afraid that you wouldn’t come to bed if you knew that she was awake. She could hear you getting ready in the bathroom before the bed lightly dipped, indicating that you had crawled into bed next to her. A sigh left her lips and she sat up halfway to be able to look at you. You were laying on your back and staring at the ceiling.

“Don’t give up on us, Y/N. We haven’t even really started our life together yet. We just have to make it through this, then we can do whatever we want in a few years.”

Irene begged you, but you didn’t look at her and remained silent.

“Please, Y/N. Give us a last chance.”

A sob almost escaped her lips, but she quickly pressed her lips together, not wanting to paint out the worst scenario yet.

Seconds passed that felt like hours, but eventually you sighted.

“Fine. I’m cooking tonight. 7 pm, Irene. If you’re not there, I’ll know what this relationship means to you.”

Irene gulped thickly because of the seriousness of your words, but at the same time she wanted to squeal in joy.

“I’m going to be there. I promise.”

She answered while her heart pounded like crazy. She couldn’t mess up today.

You turned your back to her, and Irene had to hold back the urge to scoot closer to you and hug you from behind. It was too early now, she had to prove her love first. But soon she could finally hold you in her arms again.

Although there weren’t a lot of hours left until Irene had to get up for work again, she final fell into a deep slumber, knowing that you were laying next to her. She only woke up when the annoying sound of her alarm clock made her jolt awake. Immediately she turned it off and looked to her side to make sure whether you were still there.

You were now facing her, but your eyes were still closed while your chest fell and rose in a steady rhythm. Irene had always loved waking up before you to be able to watch you sleep for a while. You looked so peaceful and content; not at all like someone who had been hurt by his wife so much that they were considering a divorce. Softly Irene ran her fingers through your hair, making sure not to wake you up. She couldn’t give up on you. Not if it meant to never be able to wake up next to you ever again. Irene kissed your forehead swiftly before swinging her legs out of bed and getting ready for her day.

During her schedule, Irene took a glance on her phone at least four times an hour. She was anxious that she would miss your date. The minutes dragged on although Red Velvet had one appointment after the other. With every second her worries began to increase.

Her schedule was supposed to end at 6 pm toady, but because some appointments didn’t end on time, everything was shifted back. It was already 5 pm and there were still two meetings left. Nervously, Irene pushed the conversations forward, hoping that she could still end her schedule on time. But things didn’t work like they were supposed to. Red Velvet was in the studio, recording a song and the producer just wasn’t satisfied with anything the girls recorded. He made them sing their parts over and over again.

6.15 pm

Irene almost let her phone fall in shock when she checked for the time after the producer had finally left the studio. She still had to drive home.

“Ok, girls. One more meeting, then we’re done for the day.”

Her manager smiled encouragingly, and Irene looked back and forth from her phone to her manager.

One more meeting? She could never make it on time if she stayed a minute longer at the company. But she also had responsibilities as a leader. Her members were counting on her, as was her company.

Irene needed to make a decision. What was more important? Her career or you?

“No, I’m leaving. Now.”

She suddenly blurted out, making all the people in the room look at her with wide eyes. There had never been a day that she had cancelled a meeting. But she knew that this was the right decision.

Proudly Irene grabbed her jacket and bowed to the staff and her members before turning on her heel to leave the room. She would always choose you. Above everything.

After a long time, her heart felt a lot lighter as she was getting into the car. Normally, she had a guilty conscious for being late. But today, she was on time and was looking forward to a nice dinner with you. A smile was playing on her lips while she typed a message for you to let you know that she was on her way home.

Just when she was about to send it, however, the car came to a halt.

“Why are we stopping?”

Irene asked perplexed and the driver looked at her apologetically through the rearview mirror.

“I’m sorry, Miss. But we’re stuck in traffic.”

He gestured to the front and Irene gasped in shock. There were hundreds of cars blocking the road.

“No, this can’t be.”

She muttered desperately while checking the time once again.

6.30 pm

“Can’t you take another route?”

Irene asked although she knew on her own that there was no other way.

Her driver truly seemed to be sorry as he shook his head with a sad look in his eyes.

Why did the universe hate her so much? Irene buried her face in her hands, praying to whoever was out there to magically make the cars in front of her disappear. But 20 minutes later, they were still pretty much standing on the same spot.

“When will we be home?”

Irene hoped that her driver could give her a good message, but his silent sigh told a different story.

“30 minutes if we’re lucky.”

He responded and Irene closed her eyes in disbelief.

Shakily she grabbed her phone and chose your contact to call you. She pressed her phone to her ear in hopes to be able to make her hear your voice instead of the ringing sound. But after a while, your voicemail ended the call. Over and over again, Irene dialed your number, but you just didn’t pick up.

7.01 pm

By now their car had finally left the blocked road, but Irene had also lost her nerves. Your warning had been clear. If she would be late, you would give up on your relationship. Nervously she tapped her foot waiting for the car to finally reach its destination. She was almost home, only one more street. Suddenly, however, the car stopped again.

“Why are we stopping again?”

She almost yelled a little exasperated but could see on her own that they were stuck in traffic again. Irene was fed up though. Nothing else would get in the way between her and you.

“Thanks for the ride. I’m walking the rest of the way.”

She mumbled while already opening the door and exiting the car. Her driver said something to her, but Irene couldn’t care less. It was all or nothing now. Life or death; at least figuratively.

Not caring about all the people throwing confused looks at her, Irene ran to your apartment where she impatiently pushed the button for the elevator. Her anxiety had filled her whole body though, so she was too impatient to wait till the elevator finally arrived. Quickly she swung open the door to the staircase and sprinted up to the right floor. When she finally reached the door to your apartment, Irene was completely out of breath, but she didn’t give herself the time to recover.

Without wasting another second, she unlocked the door and headed straight to the kitchen. But it was empty. Her heart was already pounding in her chest from the running, but now it was close to jumping out of her chest. Maybe you were in the bedroom. With rushed steps, Irene searched the rest of the apartment, but you were nowhere to be found. Desperate, she ran back to the kitchen, hoping that you had somehow appeared in the meantime. But all she could find was her favorite dish and a beautifully set table.

Tears started to form in Irene’s eyes, and she grabbed her hair in despair. She started to turn in circles, because she didn’t know what to do now, when another thing suddenly caught her attention. Irene stopped dead in track, staring at the counter.

“No, no, no. Please don’t.”

She mumbled while stumbling to the counter.

Shakily she picked up the item that had caught her attention. It was your wedding ring. There was nothing that could hold back Irene’s tears from falling now. She clasped the ring tightly and pressed it against her chest as loud sobs escaped her mouth.

“Y/N...”

She breathed, hoping that you would appear behind her out of thing air and wrap your arms around her.

You couldn’t, however, because you were gone.

“But not without a fight, Y/N. I won’t let you go that easily.”

Irene suddenly mumbled to herself when she realized that she had nothing to lose now. She had to try everything.

With the determination of winning you back in her heart, she turned on her heel and ran back the way that she had just walked a few minutes ago. This time she opted for the elevator though and took it to the underground garage. Of course, it was highly unlikely that you hadn’t left the building already, but Irene just had to try. Where else would she start searching for you?

Already feeling her lungs rebelling against the constant exertion, Irene ran one last time to get to your parking spot. After she had rounded the corner, she could see your car still standing there while the motor was running. Although her legs already felt like jelly, she quickened her steps another time.

“Y/N!!”

Irene yelled, not knowing what for, but her desperation, fear and sadness forbade her to think clearly.

When she reached the car, she saw you sitting motionlessly in the driver’s seat while tears streamed down your face. Desperately Irene banged against the car window.

“Don’t leave me, Y/N. I beg you.”

She cried out and your sobbing increased.

Irene tried to open the door, but the car was locked, and she rested her head against the glass in defeat.

“Please. Let me explain. I wanted to be here on time. I know this sounds like an excuse, but I was really stuck in traffic. Let us talk, Y/N. Please.”

She begged and you finally moved. You reached out to push the button that unlocked the doors but stopped shortly before touching it. Your eyes met hers and Irene looked longingly at you. You were torn. She could see it in your eyes. But the fact that you were still here also gave Irene hope. Apparently, you hadn’t completely given up on her. There was still something that was holding you back.

“Please, Y/N.”

She asked another time, causing you to finally press the button.

Quickly Irene ripped the door open before you would change your mind.

“Jagi, I’m so sorry. I swear that I was stuck in traffic. I might be a terrible wife, but I’m not a liar. I wanted to be here. I would never give up on our marriage. I love you, jagi. Please come back to the apartment.”

Your tears were still dripping down your chin and Irene automatically reached out to wipe them away.

“Let’s have dinner. And we can watch a movie afterwards. You can pick. Or you can go to the bedroom and I’ll sleep on the couch if you don’t want to see me. Just please don’t leave.”

Irene was cupping your face by now and her tears were leaving her eyes at the same pace as yours.

“Why did you have to be late?”

You suddenly sobbed and Irene couldn’t hold back her urge to pull you against her body. She wrapped her arms around your body and ran her hand in circles on your back in an attempt to calm you down.

“I know that I’m stupid. But I love you. I will never leave you. I promise.”

Irene tried to comfort you with her words while you were clinging to her body.

The two of you kept standing there in this position until both of you had finally calmed down.

“Did you really wanted to be here on time?”

You asked eventually with a shaky voice and Irene immediately nodded.

“Of course! There is nothing more precious to me on this earth than our marriage. I want to be able to call me your wife till my last day.”

She stated truthfully and you looked at her contemplatively.

“W-what about you?”

Irene stammered nervously, not knowing if she wanted to hear your answer.

“I also want to be able to call you my wife till my last day.”

Your stern face finally softened, and Irene instantly pulled you closer again.

“Please come home with me then. We can work this out. I can talk with my managers to rearrange my schedule and we can go on vacation after the tour. Whatever you want.”

She listed all the possibilities that came to her mind to solve this problem, hoping that she could convince you to follow her upstairs.

“We’ll see about the last part. But I would love to go home now.”

You smiled and Irene squeezed you a last time before helping you out of the car.

Together, the two of you took the elevator back to your apartment where you went into the kitchen to finally have the dinner that you had planned. But as soon as Irene had entered the room, she stopped abruptly, staring at the ring on the counter. You followed her gaze and started to nervously fidget with your fingers.

Hesitantly, Irene walked up to the counter to pick up the ring. Insecurely she shifted it in her hands, not knowing whether you were ready to fully commit to this marriage already. But when you held out your hand like the day of your wedding, a wide smile formed on Irene’s lips and she quickly stepped forward to put it on your finger.

Gently she stroked the metal band on the only place it was supposed to be before pressing her lips on it. You looked at her with a soft smile on your lips, causing Irene’s heart to flutter.

Together you heated the food again, before sitting down at the dinner table to have your long-awaited date. You started some innocuous chatter, creating a light atmosphere that didn’t permit the anguish from before to shine through. Irene looked at you while her heart felt full and happy. Noticing that you were being observed, you chuckled before reaching over the table to interlace your fingers and gently stroking the back of her hand.

8:24 pm

Everything was as it was supposed to be.

#irene scenario #irene #red velvet scenario #red velvet #girl group scenario #girl group #kpop #kpop scenario #irene imagine #girl group imagine

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zoppzoop · 4 years

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another uquiz binge

what anime character trope you are based on very specific questions about your childhood

literally just evil for no fucking reason

fuck you

let me psychoanalyze you but also be nice

you push everyone away.

it's not that you don't appreciate help, it just feels so wrong. you still have a hard time saying 'i love you' back. but you don't ever have to. tell people you love them by remembering little things they tell you. paying for their lunch the next time you go out. telling them you saw a movie and it reminded you of them. sometimes it's hard to remember that just because you've felt unloved before, it doesn't mean you're unloved now. I love you :-)

what decade do you truly belong in

90's bitch

counter culture, clueless, scream, and flannel. drew barrymore could never and you've probably contemplated plucking your eyebrows Way too thin.

i'll designate you ____ to lovers

Friends

first comes understanding. there's something about them that you just *get*, and they get you. you're soft around each other, extra considerate, allowing this person into the domesticity of your life just because they make the little moments better. because you like to see them happy. they deserve to be happy, after all. you want what's best for them because they're your f... you want them to be more than your friend. you look at them and see someone so completely worth loving, and it kills you not to be able to say that to them - what if you lose what you have? it's enough, you tell yourself, just to be able to love someone so fully. it's enough just to be near them. of course, meanwhile, they are thinking all the same things about you, wondering if your small gestures actually mean something, or if they're reading too much into it. things are so good now, maybe it's not worth upsetting. you live in the torturous pleasure of their orbit, but one day, the truth comes out, and the relief that comes is the sweetest you have ever tasted.

choose songs from my spotify playlists and I'll psychoanalyze you

you let others take advantage of you and you're resentful for it

you're a people pleaser that avoids conflict; you don't know how to stand up for yourself. you've put others before yourself so many times that you can't even identify your own basic self needs. you're the type of person that bottles up their emotions and explodes when it gets to be too much. there's nothing selfish about putting yourself first, and anyone who gets angry about doing so isn't someone worth having in your life anyways. putting yourself first doesn't make you a bad person. needs and boundaries are human and they deserve to be respected :')

What female character trope are you?

Beautiful All Along

Your appearance probably doesn't fit in with what people describe as "normal". You're tired of getting dissaproving glances from the grandparents, or comments of "oh, but your hair looked so much better before!". Honey, I'm here to tell you you are beautiful no matter how you dress and do your makeup, and don't you dare change yourself to look how other people think you should. Seriously. Allison looked so much better before the makeover, and you do too. And don't be afraid to be considered a nerd!! Nerds fucking rock!!!

AOT kin assignment quiz!!

historia reiss

okay gay

tell me what you'd do in difficult situations and i'll tell you something nice

no fr i would fall in love with you

i really would !!!! i swear !! you're just ,, ,,,, amazing in every way and i'd probably have a fat crush on you djfkdjf ? okay ily have a nice day

Which horror villain are you

Final Girl

congratulations, you took a villain quiz and didn't get assigned a villain. you're every sidney prescott, laurie strode, and alice hardy. you're tough and resourceful, and the will to survive burns fiercely in you. god help anyone that tries to harm you.

psychoanalysis with a side of bread

sourdough: full of rage

You’re broken in a specific kind of way, not like Rye, who’s emo. You’re angry, and you want to stay angry because anger blinds you, in that temporarily good way. It clouds your vision of the future, but you like that because then you can’t see your inevitable explosion into something pathetic. And you know, once that anger deflates, the only thing left will be you and your harsh judgement of yourself. You’d rather take out your issues on other people or things than acknowledge them yourself because you find that easier. You probably like to do physical things to distract from sadness; even if it’s just laundry or dishes it drives the problem out of your head for a moment. Doesn’t all that running make you tired?

what the f**k is wrong with you

crippling loneliness

you have approximately zero friends irl and you go insane at the thought of someone holding your hand. i love you but watching bad netflix shows isnt a coping mechanism

curate a kpop playlist and i'll tell you something about you

u like girls

me too :) you're the best kind of person in the entire world. if you're sapphic, take that sentiment and multiply it by fifty million. but please stop asking twitter for a gf. there r apps specifically for that

let me psychoanalyze you based off of my bad mental health

you lash out for attention, negative or positive.

maybe you were neglected. maybe you got too much attention and can't deal with anything less. nonetheless, you will say or do out of pocket things just so you can have some eyes on you. whether that be hurting someone because they forgot to respond to a text or continuously making jokes just so the room can continue laughing. you can't cope with not feeling wanted. you have to accept that attention is not the only thing you have to strive for in life. you have to be okay with just yourself sometimes.

#lish.about

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madzilla84 · 4 years

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update

Did anyone ask for one? No. Does anyone want it? Probably not … I guess there’s still some small part of me that misses having a Livejournal.

In general, things have been - better. I started going outside a bit more from late-ish July, but honestly I don’t know if I started feeling better because I started going out, or if I started going out because I was feeling better…? A mystery. But mood tracking app - surely a reliable source of mental health info lmao - seems to agree:

(woohoo, only ‘significant burden’! i think that’s about the best you could hope for in 2020. and this was a few weeks ago, and I feel better now than I did then, so.)

I’ve been off work for the last 3 weeks - nothing wrong, just 2 weeks of scheduled annual leave, which I needed very much (I think part of why I was feeling bad was because I hadn’t had a break since February), and last week I had a week of jury duty. The break was much needed and I can feel the difference.

I started exercising again in July, and ugggggggh ok fine I admit I do feel better because of it. I’m never gonna be a gym bunny, I’ll probably never *love* it but I can’t deny the benefits. I go 3 times a week which is enough for me. (Though I only went twice last week and this week - last week I was pretty wrecked after court each day and this week I am focussing on being lazy.) Going outside again was strange at first, like the previous 4 months hadn’t happened, but it didn’t take long to feel (mostly) normal again.

I’ve also had a couple of social things, which has been nice - one lunch out at an outdoor restaurant, and one bbq at a friend’s house. (She moved in recently at the end of my street; while I was sitting in her living room I could look out of the window at my own flat. Weird!) I’ve been thinking a lot about Dan’s tweet about who he realised he wants in his life after lockdown, and it’s just. Interesting.

I’m DELIGHTED it’s September and the start of the best months, the -embers and -obers; it’s still pretty warm and mostly sunny here but it’s really nice, the bite’s gone out of the warmth. Not long now until it Gs the FO entirely. \o/ I’m still playing Animal Crossing every day, (unlike some people, smh poor abandoned Pickle).

Jury duty last week was fascinating. I didn’t even know if I’d get picked - they call more than twice as many people as they need in case anyone can’t do it for whatever reason (if one of the lawyers is a family friend or something), but I did end up being chosen. (No. 12!!) We were the first post-covid jury, and the first socially distanced one.

I *can* talk about the case now it’s over, but I don’t think I will, because the subject matter could be pretty triggering, but it was often a tough week given the nature of it. Having said that, something about it was very satisfying. It was fascinating to see how the courts and lawyers worked, and the whole process, and it was good to work with the other jurors. (Days on end of talking to actual humans was actually pretty good, for the most part.) We were all just thrown together, and we had differences of opinion of course, but it was still a good experience to work with them. It felt good to be part of something like that, something that mattered, and to feel like a part of the community in such a real way. I can be quite good at putting aside emotion to look at the letter of the law, which in a case like this can be very challenging; some of the other jurors struggled with it a great deal. (This isn’t to blow my own trumpet or anything; many would argue it was *me* who had the problem, in much the same way they often say lawyers are heartless, which isn’t true most of the time)

The case ended up being dismissed as the jury couldn’t reach a consensus - we got slated on social media (which of course I didn’t look at during the case, I caught up after), but we all stuck to our convictions and I know it was right; there’s a lot the public didn’t know or understand. As tough a case as it was, I’m glad I got to do it, it was a privilege in many ways. (But, I wouldn’t mind if it was a long time until I had to do it again, you know? lol.)

We had our phones taken from 9-5 while we were working - it’s the law - and I thought it was gonna be the worst after being glued to it constantly, but it was actually quite nice lmao. Not that I didn’t end up glued to it again once the case was over.

Fandom-wise, I have - finally - ended up taking a step back from the phandom a little bit in the last month or two. I want to talk about that a bit because it’s a complicated topic, and I see a lot of concerning posts - mainly on Twitter - that if you don’t maintain a certain level of dedication, if you join another fandom or get into something else or aren’t sufficiently devoted and supportive you - aren’t a true fan? Or something? Lots of posts along the lines of, ‘all these people getting into kpop/tv show/whatever, smh, don’t think we won’t remember when dan’s project drops and you all come running back’. It’s just a bit - weird? Like, it’s *perfectly normal* if people get into other stuff while dnp are cooking whatever they’re cooking (or not cooking, or whatever)? Or just move on, but still enjoy D&P?

I’m not, like, dramatically leaving the fandom or anything. Hell, I haven’t *left* the fandom at all, I’m still here every day, it’s - more of a mental shift. Because prior to July/August-ish this year I really wasn’t in a good place with it. I wrote a thing earlier this year about struggling with writing, and belonging while not being a content creator, and other things … the issue is that, as I tend to do with my fandoms, I get too overinvested. And sometimes, that’s okay - whatever gets you through the night and all that - but in this case, I wasn’t enjoying it any more. Some parts I was - I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had in a fandom here, and I really like seeing everyone on here - but in general, I was spending a lot of my time feeling anxious, resentful, worried, angry and frustrated. I spent a lot of last year and almost all of this one waiting for Godot; hating the “new normal” and desperately waiting for - something that’s never going to come. I just couldn’t deal with it; probably for reasons bigger than just D&P but that’s how it manifested. I got more and more frustrated by the content we were getting because it wasn’t what I’d hoped, and I hated feeling like that. It took up way too much of my thoughts and every day was just waiting, and wondering, and worrying. And I got so, so sick of it.

So, where am I now? Well, it was inevitable really, but I just started to - let go, a bit. I didn’t throw my hands up and go, ’bah, screw these guys!’, my mental focus just shifted (for my own good), and I started focussing on other things. Other fandoms. Games and hobbies I can distract myself with. I’ll admit it wouldn’t necessarily have been my *choice*, you know? But reality is what it is and I’m - relieved, really, that I’m not unnecessarily tormenting myself about it any more. It took me a long time to reach this place - too long, really - and, for now at least, it’s kind of nice. I can just enjoy things if/when they pop up without the accompanying sadness and anger about how everything is changed, about what has ended and what I’ve “lost”. (And it’s not 100%, by the way; it’s still there, just - quiet, now.) I can look at, I dunno, someone’s gifs of Dan or whatever, and just smile about it rather than feeling that grief. (Or, feel it, but not to the exclusion of everything else.) It’s - nicer.

And it isn’t at *all* that I don’t care any more, I still love them, of course I do, and will continue to follow them and watch everything they do. I’m not going anywhere. I still have notifs on, though they don’t quite send my heart into my throat like they did. ;) In a way it’s helping me love them more, because now when I watch them I enjoy it more, appreciating the fun and the bants without laser-focussing on my own anger and sadness. I’m still attending our little daily phannie watch-alongs, where we watch a couple of eps of DAPG and an anime. I’m still on phandom tumblr/twitter on the daily. It just - has a slightly smaller portion of my brain and mental energy now.

It was a step I needed to take, but also one I’m not sure I could have *chosen* to take, not without deliberately leaving and cutting it all off completely? And I didn’t want to do that. I’d hoped I’d get to this place earlier than this - some 20 months after the fact - but better late than never, I suppose.

(Also, disclaimer - fandom and the human heart are funny things, and I fully accept I can and probably will be sucked completely back in at any time.)

Anyway! SEE YOU AT THE QUIZ :D

#mad.txt #tw covid #personal

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quadaxxels · 6 years

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My two cents on: Eunsoo Lim vs. Mariah Bell

First of all, if you thought this post was going to be filled with my conspiracy theories on whether or not Bell injured Lim with intent you can keep on scrolling.

The ISU still hasn’t said anything official yet (as of 22.03) and as far as I know the investigation is still ongoing - so I’m not going to jump to conclusions What I do was to express is my utter anger, disgust and frustration at all the people who literally watched I,Tonya once and are now all of a sudden figure skating experts and are launching a witch hunt on Mariah.

Now, whether or not she did it on purpose is another story - it seems that the only footage on twitter of the practice is super super grainy and you can barely make out who is who. Sending her literal death threats isn’t something light and certainly NOT SOMETHING YOU DO BASED ON CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE! not that sending any death threat in the first place is ok. And at this point in time, there have been no official statements released by the ISU or solid evidence released proving that Eunsoo was out right attacked.

What also gets my blood boiling is people who very very obvious don’t know anything about figure skating, accusing Mariah Bell of being a racist, or that the attack was racially motivated. And before any of yall try to clock me, I’m chinese australian so this is very much within my jurisdiction.

See, i say ‘very obviously know nothing about fs’ because that’s just not how the sport works. In fact, that’s not how most athletes in almost any sport at the elite level works. Even more so for fs because skaters literally train with rinkmates from ALL OVER THE WORLD, OF ALL AGES. It’s one of those sports where at the end of the day you represent yourself more so than your country. Professional skaters train for years before they even make it to the senior elite level circuit. You have to start young and first get entered into junior level competitions before transitioning to seniors, so these athletes have literally grown up around each other, travelling to different countries competing against each other.

Mariah and Eunsoo are RINKMATES! THEY TRAIN TOGETHER. WITH OTHER ASIANS. NAMELY NATHAN CHEN, VINCENT ZHOU, AND MARIN HONDA. And from what I’ve seen she gets on rather well w nathan chen, so surely if the attack was on purpose and was racially motivated these other four can testify - but again, that hasn’t happened so.

The other issue I take with labelling this a racially motivated attack, is that given the socio political climate rn and how WELL asian representation and asian issues are being discussed in american/western media - blindly going around yelling THAT’S RACISM AGAINST ASIANS based off of zero to no solid evidence is extremely extremely damaging to the progress of the asian conversation and narrative at large. We end up taking two steps back by trivialising and jumping the gun on making allegations that could turn out to be false.

Because right now everything really is just circumstantial. What if it turns out that everything really was an accident? Then all of you who participated in throwing comments around on Bell’s social media are at fault for any mental or societal damages that might happen when false allegations of racism are made. That shit ruins lives. Cancel culture has made call outs powerful, powerful tools - so we have to use it CAREFULLY.

This goes out particularly to my fellow ABCs: STOP CALLING MARIAH BELL A RACIST WHEN WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING YET. STOP PLAYING THE RACIST CARD IN GENERAL SO EASILY. I understand the need and the want to stand up for our fellow asians, asian pride and all that. But honestly, when the source that broke the news was a fckn kpop site of all things (and NOT a reputable figure skating or sporting website even) - pls exercise reasonable caution when believing the article word for word. Taking this into account I do partially blame the first few media outlets who broke the news for poorly written descriptions of the incident. Namely sensationalising what happen. Again, the footage is grainy on twitter but even then we can see that Eunsoo was clearly not savagely attacked like those first articles had made it seem. Bell did not approach Lim with her skates in hand like a knife and slash at her like a mad woman.

ABCs we need to calm down, collisions in fs happen all the time. In fact, two pairs skater crashed into each other during live broadcasted warm ups in the same competition. Figure Skating is a high risk sport. Athletes get thrown in the air and are expected to spin 3 times before landing, hell, athletes throw themselves in the air and are expected to spin 4 times before landing - ALL WHILE WEARING KNIVES ON THEIR LEGS. So it’s understandable that accidents (and i stress the word accident) happen. Hell, even golden boy yuzuru hanyu has been the victim of an accidental collision during warm ups.

TAKE HOME MESSAGE IS:

Figure skating has evolved since the days of Tonya Harding. The level of respect that these athletes have for each other is unparalleled and unreal, so don’t make conclusions about the sport when you know nothing about it

The racism card is not one to just be throwing around willy nilly. It’s a very serious allegation to make and you can’t just use it whenever a POC is involved bc believe it or not, sometimes people can be motivated to start conflicts based not on colour.

DEATH THREATS ARE NEVER OK

also before i go i just want to mention for those who don’t follow fs but are keeping up with this incident, the world championships are still ongoing (which is why investigation into the incident is slow), they haven’t finished yet so in the meantime please respect the boundaries of these two professional athletes and others in the sport who are still competing and do something better with your time than harass strangers on the internet :)

#figure skating #eunsoo lim #mariah bell #asian representation #asian american #korea #worldfigure #isu worlds 2019 #south korea

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in-the-trashcan-where-i-belong · 5 years

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@kpop-fanatic-lover16 if you don’t mind I would like to answer to your comments point by point. I do not want to fight with you, nor do I want you to feel disrespected by what i’m about to say : I’m looking for a common ground, because I do understand your point of view, and I need you to understand mine despite your anger. We’re on the same side of this fight, I promise.

1) My problem is that your post was only adressed to ARMYs. If you know that multiple fandoms are guilty of this, why did you only adress it to us? Because you are being blinded by your rage. BTS has a massive fandom, one of the biggest on twitter ; it’s only logical that they have the most antis too, and that these antis are the most visible. These antis come from other fandoms, so this is not our fault ; we’re just as disgusted as you are. My TL is full of ARMYs saddened by this news ; just like the rest of you, we grew up with Cameron, you shouldn’t forget about that.

2) By answering to them and getting angry in their mentions without even trying to know if they really are ARMYs or not, you’re doing exactly what they want : giving them attention. They are trolls ; if they post comments like these it means they don’t care about being in the right or the wrong in the first place. All they want is to give a nasty reputation to a fandom. You can’t talk to these people simply because they don’t give a fuck about what you have to say. They just want you to react, and then they want you to make assumptions about a whole fandom. That’s it. So the best thing to do, even if it’s easier said than done, is to block and report.

3) You stand up against the hate, but you spread more hate against a fandom by making us, ARMYs, look like we’re the only culprits here, when we’re really not. I hope you realize the hypocrisy of the situation. I’d like to point out that we’re the first ones to ask those fake ARMYs to delete comments like these, because they’re disgusting, they’re extremely inappropriate and they make us look bad ; we don’t want any of it.

4) I’ve been insulted by Blinks on twitter, exo-ls tried to destroy BTS’ career when they started to get big with pl*giarism accusations, I’ve had heated arguments with VIPs who were BTS-antis. I’ve never met anyone nice from these fandoms either. However, I know that fandoms all work the same : the stupid, uneducated and agressive ones are the loudest, and they’re the only ones we seem to hear even though they’re not even 10% of the whole fandom. I am still able to recognize that these fans I see are just a loud minority. I would like you to be able to open your mind a little more, maybe, and do the same with my fandom.

If you wanna have a civilized conversation with an ARMY for once, you can maybe try to DM me and see how it goes? I’m not the ennemy here. I’m just as disgusted as you are ; Cameron doesn’t deserve any of this, from any fandom, this is highly inappropriate and i’m really sad for his friends, family and his fans. I really admire his dancing, he worked with one of my favorite actors/dancers.

We’re the same in this situation. As I said, if you wanna talk a little more, my DMs are totally open for ya.

(that was long, i’m sorry)

EDIT : i just saw your most recent post about not wanting to talk about this subject anymore. I apologize, you posted it while I was writing this so I hadn’t seen it. My proposition to have a conversation still stands if you ever feel up for it sometime in the future. Still hope you read my answer to you though, i really felt like the conversation was left unfinished and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, especially since we fondamentally agree on the main thing, which is : respect Cameron, his friends and his family.

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staycute1234 · 7 years

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Not to sound mean but why are people still grieving about Jonghyun? So many people didn't know him and I've seen people not even SHINee fans still grieving about him still. Its sad and everything but c'mon! Maybe I'm stronger then most but idk. Just kinda want the ji.kook stuff back from this blog.

Warning Kay might go into a rant :D

:Warning: Trigger words

IT’S STILL DECEMBER! Jonghyun left us on the 18th of this month. It’s the 30th. 30TH!!!! The wound is still fresh for a lot of people! Especially those affected by him. There is no time limit on grieving and you rushing people to “get over it” is not helping the process. You might be over it, doesn’t give you the right to go around telling others too.

Now, i’ll say that when someone commits suicide it’s a lot harder to process then someone dying another way. Suicide is unnatural and can be prevented! It’s easier to come to terms with someone falling in front of a train or even being eaten by a bear then someone taking their own life. Cause suicide can make people really think “what if I did this” “they were showing signs why didn’t I see it” “if only they reach out to me” “why didn’t they get help” and even dwell on those. On YOUTUBE you go to any Jonghyun or SHINee album you will see post saying these things. Shit even on Twitter and Tumblr too.

BUT ALSO, the fact he took himself away can trigger other people. In the Kpop community I have seen a good number of fans who are depressed, and have other form a mental illness that find comfort AND STRENGTH with Idols. In some cases even Suicidal people (I’ve known a couple in real life) who were literally saved by a Kpop group. SHINee being one of those groups. Others might think it’s weird but when you’re so ready to end it all, sometimes it takes something as small as a good song from SHINee to save a life.

As for me, when I was in my teens my depression hit me so hard that I was ready to end it. But it’s scary to do it, you hesitate and attempt a couple times before you do it. It’s not easy, it’s unnatural, cause humans want to live. I eventually was ready to open up my wrist but then I notice my room, it was getting dusty and it was a bit messy. I didn’t end it there cause I thought “If I go who will clean my room?” “Do I want my body found in such a dirty room?” That’s what saved me, literally, me wanting my room to be spotless. So I clean my room and even threw away the razor blade into the trash. If my life was saved by my room, how many do you think was saved by Jonghyun’s????

Which is why when it came out Jonghyun died, people were sad but also telling others not to kill themselves! Cause when the thing/person your living for does what you’ve been fighting then people give up. That’s also why even people who weren’t fans are affected too. Cause when someone else fails their fight it can make others feel like they’re going to fail too. If someone passes away in their sleep by natural causes, it’s sad but bearable. When someone passes by suicide it can cause a chain of reaction.

I wouldn’t consider you strong anon, I would consider you insensitive. You don’t know what people are going through and how people process. Some people grieve for a week, some people grieve for years. Jonghyun has touch so many lives and so many people need to work through the sadness, anger, and acceptance that comes with being touched by someone who has passed, especially by suicide. So anon, if you need your ji.kook fix, i’m sure many blogs are up and running with it. If you want my stuff go through my blog or go to my AO3. I’ve accepted Jonghyun’s passing, I just can’t get into the mood other then every so often look at the tag. Currently, I don’t care about writing ji.kook right now.

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 7 months

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At this point, I don't know what else to do because I don't understand why I still get anon messages from imbeciles, them knowing perfectly well that I don't engage in that?

This is not a stan account. This is my blog where I post about things that I like, that interest me and sometimes it includes figures from K-Pop, but it's not the main focus. Lately I even focused a lot more on cinema, Hollywood and showbiz. And when I do write anything on kpop, JM and JK or other individuals, it's from a more laid back position. I don't want to fuel too much drama or let that anger me.

So why am I still on the radar? Is there a list which includes blogs that receive hate asks? I got nasty anon messages about JM and then JK like one hour apart. I block that immediately anyway. But just give up, this is not stan twitter or a stan focused account on tumblr.

#m thoughts #anon hate #kpop stans

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harrytheehottie · 4 years

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the black girl anon: i know he has black fans but like i just wish he had more like ariana sometimes because fandom can be so 🥴 on twitter, it’s a lil ignorant and it just gets annoying. they are always in some mess within the fandom or with another fandom and the way it’s handled is just annoying and a little juvenile so i’ve just started spending more time here like it’s annoying going back and forth especially with l words and 1d when harry doesn’t even speak on them.

Anonymous said: 2. black girl anon: a tweet with one like can get them in an uproar like you know you can chose to ignore and if it’s addressed the whole fandom does not have to do it. it’s just so many situations that have been blown out of proportion and it’s just twitter and harry gives us crumbs but coming online just to mute words so that you don’t have to see arguments is annoying as hell. 3. i just how his sexuality is brought every 3-5 business days by other people. he’s not done anything homophobic(?), the guardian interview was ignorant but that was his answer for himself and then i’m not lgbt but the lgbt fans are always dismissed and if he wants to be androgynous so be it, it doesn’t require a thinkpiece all the time. i get the anger because it’s really the media who have put him at the forefront while ignoring poc lgbt that i’ve fought but then it’s not really his fault. 4. the dismissal of black fans is weird. i don’t have a stan account but i use my main to follow hsd and a few stans, he’s not the only person i enjoy but him and c x h are the only ones on an album cycle so yea. you see stuff like « you stan a white man so poc struggles is not in your lane » and me a whole ass black person is like ???. that pisses me off the most because 8/10 it’s coming from a white person hiding behind a kpop account like you are the last person to teach me about that.

hi!!! okay this message is very timely!!!!!! I understand what you mean and have felt that way for a very long time in my ~height~ of Stan twitter. I think it’s just pure boredom like people have nothing to talk about because the content is running dry and harry isn't on tour/doing promo so the only way to create something to talk about is to seek out negative tweets or think back to things that have happened in the past!!! I agree with you, I think his sexuality is something that gets discussed way too much and gets villanized in arguments on why he sucks. like why do you need to know his sexual identity? no one owes you a coming out story ever!!!! there is clear dismissal and ignoring of non-white fans in fandoms like I even see it on here... not going to lie! it’s like as a non-black person you can’t tell a black fan what they can/cannot say or do and who they stan and what they want from the people they look up to. I have been a fan of harry’s for almost TEN YEARS... I was crucified on twitter when I got upset about what he did in 2017 because “it isn’t his place” like babe he’s a white man with a fcking million dollars in the bankkkkkk... he needs to be on the front lines screaming about injustices. and guess what! now those same people are praising him for going to protests!! all of that to say, you’re completely valid and I think it’s something that doesn’t get talked about enough. stan culture can be very toxic and being a non-white stan is even more draining because you have to defend so much of yourself constantly!!!!!

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discoursecatharsis · 7 years

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Hi! I know it’s been a few days, but as a kpop stan for 5+ years, and a fan of the group involved in the Cup/cak//ke-situation, I have something to say. Hopefully, I can shed some light on what happened as well as kpop, sexuaization, and the fandom as a whole.

(I wish I could insert a Read More, because this is long).

I’m going to start by saying, I have no idea why this whole Jung.k00k & Cup/cake thing blew up. This is not the first time Cup/cake made sexual comments about the B//TS members, and for the most part stan twitter found her funny. If fans didn’t, they didn’t make a big deal out of it, unlike what happened a few days ago. I’m not on twt, so I can’t say exactly what happened and why, but I’m going to guess it was a mix of Jung.k00k being the youngest member (A 97er, so the same age as Cup/cake), a fan-favorite, and maybe a callout twt post about how people need to stop sexualizing the BT//S members that people bandwagoned on and used to justify dogpiling Cup//cake. That’s usually how shit like this happens, and while unfortunate, it’s far from uncommon.

(Personally, I don’t care about what Cup/cake said and she should not have been bullied for it, but I think there’s a major difference between someone with a platform and tons of fans saying something, and someone posting their M-rated fanfic on AO3.

For instance, just about a month ago there was a Korean rapper, SanE, who gestured at a female idol, Re//d Velv/et’s Iren3 while singing a sexually suggestive lyric. Everyone called him out for sexual harassment and on twt people were even calling him a rapist & pedophile – even though Irene is 26. However, unlike in the Jung.k00k situation, no one made mention to the R-rated fanfics, tweets, tweets and gifs that fans, both male and female, often make about Iren//e and her group members, as a means to call fans hypocrties.

Again, even though I didn’t think either situation was a big deal, I don’t think people have to be comfortable with what Cup/cake or SanE did. I did notice a difference in reactions to reactions, which I think is unfair. Anyways, it sucks that this situation happens, that Cup////cake was hurt and bullied because of this.)

The kp//op fandom has a strange relationship with purity culture. I make mention of this because I feel like it has a hand in why Cup/cake-gate even happened. It’s k///pop fans digesting skewed Korean fan-culture norms and combining it with the overall advent of purity culture in western fandoms. For instance, this week, right after Cup/cake-gate Jung.k00k, was being called a sexual-harrasser and rapist simply because people thought he was staring at a woman’s chest. I’m not even joking. You can read about what happened here and here – but long story short a fan cropped a gif so it looked like he was oogling this lady, and Korean antis caught hold of it and ran with it. And thus, Stare-gate.

And again, this isn’t the first time. Usually it’s on a smaller scale, such as Stare-gate, but a few years ago, k//pop went through Lolita-Gate. Like most witch-hunts, it started out with good intentions: a girl group was going to debut and people were raising concerns that the members (half of which were under 18, the international age of majority, and most of which were under 19, the Korean age of majority) were being oversexualized. And then these three commercials (Warning: The first two are SFW-ish, the last is definitely NSFW), all of which starred the then 16 y/o T///zuyu (the youngest of her group) dropped and shit blew up. People began having an actual conversation about the sexualization of minors, but being that the group T///zuyu was in, T//wice, was already experiencing a lot of backlash for unrelated things, fans felt like the group itself was being attacked (And it some cases it was) and the conversation steered from constructive criticism to fanwars real quick. People began pulling in other groups, not because they had actual concerns, but because they didn’t want their faves to be the only ones being talked about.

And then a former idol dropped pics that people felt sexualized minors. Even though she herself was an adult and had spent her entire childhood being the target of sexual comments, the conversation went from “These are disturbing trends in this industry” to “These people (who often were actually put in situations of being sexualized minors) are the problem”. The nail was put in the coffin when singer-songwriter I//U dropped an album where among the themes of loneliness and misunderstanding, and a certain mature, she talked about the childishly-sexual image that was her company sold her with.

(For the record, Korean idols/artists do not have the same level of autonomy as American idols/artists, and when I///U blew up she was pushed with this “little sister” type image.)

And somehow talking about this and satirizing it, made her a pedophile. While she eventually apologized, her image, as well as the image of several other people who got swept up into the issue, took a dent.

There are tons of times where stuff like this happened, some as trivial as a twenty-seven year old woman being babied, to as damaging as a teenager being called a rapist for accidentally brushed against a minor’s chest.

So this reaction to anything sexual or perceived sexual is not uncommon unfortunately. A good portion of K////pop sells itself on being sexually non-sexual, which is why these things happen all the time. Idols who dance sexually also advertise dating bans and sexual naiveté. Idols who promote innocence do so in a way that can be sexually construed. And this isn’t me trying to fear-monger and trash k///pop (I hate when people do that) but I’m just trying to succinctly describe what I’ve noticed in all my years as a hard-core stan.

Something else I’ve noticed is that, these things tend to blow up as a reaction to male (hetero)sexuality. Lolita-gate happened because people felt that these young females were being infantilized and sexualized in order to accrue and appease an older-male stanbase, however there was not a similar reaction on the flip side of the coin in regards to young males being infantilized and sexualized in order to accrue and appease an older-female stanbase. Both do happen, but I feel like when it does it’s not approached with nuance, so the issue gets lost in the talk.

Again, an example: the commercial I posted earlier with the 16 y/o gyrating in the elevator. Completely inappropriate, right? Yes. However, just recently there’s a group where a 16 y/o is singing about something innocent enough, but the breathy moans on the chorus coupled with the oral fixation throughout the video, does give it a sexual flair. And then she began promoting another song with two other girls, that is again more sensual, yet I’ve yet to hear any real backlash. Granted, they aren’t anywhere near as popular as T///wice, but they are a well-known fan-favorite. And their fanbase, especially among western stans, is mostly female. As opposed to T///wice, who early on, gained a reputation of having lots of (older) male fans.

(And even as a fan of this group L//00N//A, I can’t even mention it without being dog-piled as trying to start shit)

Or, like I mentioned earlier, I//rene. She’s very popular among guys, and sometimes gifs of her wardrobe malfunctions circulate the Korean interwebs, and that leads to a lot of nsfw discussion regarding her body. She also has a lot of female fans who do and say the same things (especially her western stans), but the anger is 100% directed at the male fans because how dare they.

Anyhow, because I dumped a lot on you that you probably do not care to read, and this was more a response to the asks I saw you had on Cupcak//e-gate – It’s complicated. The reaction that you see towards one situation is often times not the same reaction you’ll get in another, usually because fandom politics takes precedence over the actual issue.

And don’t even get me started on slut-shaming in this fandom, which either comes from outright misogynists, or misogynists pretending to be feminists.

Oh, and yes, shipping is something often encouraged by companies. I can’t think of any group that’s debuted that hasn’t had some sort of company-pushed ship. The fanservice and bromance has definitely died down since the earlier days when the likes of TV//XQ and SU//JU had members kissing on stage and the like. A lot of it is borrowed from j///pop idol & visual-kei culture.

BTW, I know this is long, so feel free not to post it, especially considering how OT it is!

(submitted by anon)

You just submitted this long post, complete with linked sources, that you obviously worked hard on... how can I not post it?! Thank you so much for all this insight into this issue and fandom! I didn’t realize how much fandom politics and history there was behind this. It’s really interesting that reactions vary depending on the situation.

#submission

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livingwithmyimaginaryfriend · 5 years

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6 Things I Currently Hate on the Internet 😠😤😡🤬

These topics based on the internet that i have observed for many years including pop culture. Anyway, those are just my personal thoughts that may find to be “TRIGGERING”

1. Tik tok

Tik tok is one of the most popular apps in the end 2010s. It looks similar like Musica.ly Everytime when i watch this stupid shit compilation like dance, challenge or viral on Twitter, Instagram and Youtube, it makes me cringe all the time. The majority of tik tok users what i have seen are kids and teenagers or even called Gen Z. I really don't understand why they are become famous because of tik tok like dance inappropiately frequently for underage, unfunny jokes, etc. even though they come from nothing. I also have a friends, and cousins who have a tik tok, then upload that video through Instagram stories, but sorry i don't watch it because i'm not interested, so i just skip it.

Thank god I don’t have a Tik Tok because i am absolutely loathe this app, and don’t want get into make the content such as challange (i.e. emo, barbie girl), and cringy dance to get a viral and views. When i make that content, it feels like i’m living with the wrong generation. (Whoops)

2. Social Justice Warrior (SJW)

This is the most atrocious I have ever seen in my entire life. It appears on Twitter. eveytime i scroll timeline on Twitter, it is full of anger, war, hatred, debate, and drama. Mostly, people tweet about religion, culture, feminism, politics, economics, and viral gone wrong. But OMG, most of the time, they're completely not constructive criticsm. It's like they don't want to be accepted or don't appreciate and scramble their opinion with somebody else. Of course, they treat their opinions as a facts. Then, i'll be like "fuck them, you need to find your hobby and stop making a war with somebody else that you don't know that person on Twitter". Of course, SJW needs to get a life and log out Twitter, so don't be outrageous.

3. Cancel Culture

When i pop up in my head, cancel culture be like “you’re cancelled”. Cancel culture is like especially for public figures including celebrities, influencers and politicians are exposed problematic to make a statements like homophobic/transphobic, assault cases, allegations, body-shaming, slut-shaming racist jokes, rape jokes, playing victims, supporting each other that people dislike, and many more whether in the past or present. When it comes out that problematic, eveybody rants them which is true or not, and then use that term “cancelled” or hashtag #isoverparty in Twitter to avoid public figures to stop being act so innoncent. It’s very fucked up for me Not only that, but also it’s so annoying if everbody says “you’re cancelled”. If i was public figure for being called “cancelled”, i feel like i want to go jump off the cliff and never want to see that term again.

4. Beauty Standards

There are people mostly girls when you were born being ugly and insecure, you want to be perfect and glamorous like celebrities, and models on advertisement, magazine and Instagram. In Asian country especially my country, Indonesia, there are so many beauty standards like for girls, like you have to be fair skin, straight hair, curve body but not super skinny. And then, you don’t have to wear fully makeup like a clown, you have to look stay natural and glowing face without a makeup, for example wear a skincare. In contrast, if you have a dark/brown skin and curly hair, people probably think that you look ugly, trash, and stink. It shit happening, trust me. I mean, the majority of Indonesian people have natural brown and yellow skin, so if they want to be fair skin like western people, they have to use skin whitening for face and body to make look bright.

But not only that, in western country like US and UK, i found that they want to have full lips like lip filler, huge ass and tits from implants, tan skin by using a spray/lotion tan although white people’s skin are pale, botox, flat abs from liposuction, and skinny like Victoria Secret’s model or curvy like Beyonce, Rihanna and Nicki Minaj.

Besides that, another Asian country like South Korea, i found that mostly celebrities like boy/girlbands. and actors have had a plastic surgery to make look famous. There also found that korean people want to be super skinny like kpop idols, They should follow strict diet. And then, they want to have a light skin by using a skin whitening, they want to make a glowing face with using a skincare which is booming in korea. And don’t forget, they have to wear a full makeup, so they look more beautiful. In korean culture, their parents want to children to get a plastic surgery as a gifts if they have a good grades. Basically, korean people were born to be ugly face, so they have to get plastic surgery like make a doube eyelids, a big rounded eyes, a pointed nose. a v-shaped chin,and a slim jaw.

The reason why i hate is because it makes me feel more insecure, worthless and uncomfortable with my own skin. I just want to no longer follow their society like beauty standards. Beauty standard is should be not existed. It needs to go away, and needs to be stopped. I mean everybody looks beautiful not for me, but to all of you. Everybody need to be beautiful not only the outside but also the inside. You don't have to follow that standards including beauty that would be necessary cool, i promise.

I have to admit, my skin tone medium, not too fair or too dark. I am still using whitening lotion to exfoliate and to remove sunburn. Then, my face look chubby and i have a double chin, i wear a glasses. i have a fat tummy even though i am not a chunky not very slim. i have a hairy hands, armpits, stomach and legs. My mom won’t let me shave them because they will grow someday.

5. Instagram vs Reality

When i follow account including @Celebface, and @exposingcelebsurgery. I observed that comparing with celebrities, models, and influencers’ real photos or fake with using photoshop. Instagram VS Reality is absolutely garbage. Take a look at celebs’ photo everywhere with full editing like face,hips,ass, etc to make look professional.But in reality, they look different not look like which is totally catfishing. Sadly, the cringiest part is there is analyze the angle with the wrong well-shaped. I mean when you look at the view of the background, you can see the curve appears that seems unprofessional, that is what i called failed photoshop.

I don’t mean to blame photoshop, but it is so overused. The reason why i don’t like this is because it is full of manipulative for celebrities, models and influencer to make it look sexier than real life. It makes me want to delete my instagram account and never want to see that again.

6. Toxic fandoms in music community

Be a fandom is fun, and wonderful .But Hey! Look at my Tumblr, Weheartit, and Pinterest, i have so many photos which include my favorite bands or actors. I’m also huge fan of the band particularly, rock bands and K-pop idols.

However, sometimes being fandom is being toxic, overly defensive, and delusional. The reason why i called toxic fandoms is because mostly they are intolerable, immature and annoying. Oh yeah, the similarity of toxic fandoms is called crazy stans. For example,when someone (hater or not) dislike an idol or band, crazy stans started trolling like send a death threats like “hope you get chocked”, "hope you'll die", “you need to go fuck yourself”, and many more. Also, when someone being called a fake fan because they know one or two songs on the radio or TV, they don’t like idols’ new song which is totally different then or support their relationship go public. Otherwise, they are very disrespectful with their idols' privacy, such as stalking at their house or hotel for almost 24 hours. PRIVACY IS A MUST. IDOLS ARE JUST HUMAN BEING. And you know the worst part is that when an idol is dead, they are extremely freak the hell out, they tend to commit suicide which is really dangerous so they want to meet their idol in afterlife.

Based on my thoughts, being a fan with your favorite idol is the most precious thing. I would love to be a fans with the bands/idols but i don't want get involved be part of crazy stans. Like i said, they are not intolerable and delusional.

That's the end of my writing about six things that i hate. You may think that after you read this, you'll be like "damn, you're so hater, you're so jealous, and you're so bitter". Ugh shut up.

#rant #opinion

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