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reallygrossstuff · 1 year

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since you mentioned it in the diaperstuck discord... Kris equipping the party with increasingly embarrassing and babyish items with weird effects... but the stats are so good! They can't just throw away items that powerful!~

This request spoke to me, I love RPG mechanics and I love getting to describe outfits, so thanks for indulging me! And I'm glad you liked that conversation, it was definitely a fun one.

(Had to cut myself off from describing about three tiers of increasingly embarrassing and humiliating outfits, lmao)

---

“Can I say? I freaking hate all of this crap.”

The chests Kris had been finding as they moved through the Dark World were... unexpected, to say the least. Some of them simply held weird items, friendship bracelets or brooches or average new weapons for their party members, but yet others seemed decidedly out of place.

Unlike the red chests, these boxes were always a pale blue, held shut by a pair of flimsy latches instead of a single clasp. In the beginning, the items these chests contained weren’t as necessary, and generally they didn’t ask anyone to wear them unless truly needed. Sure, a certain wristband might have increased Susie’s defence by a few points, but it wasn’t worth it if she was constantly distracted resisting the urge to chew on it. And what was the use in a pair of shoes that boosted Ralsei’s healing, if they also made him stumble and trip during combat?

As the party moved closer to the king’s castle and its fountain, though, the gap between the ‘normal’ equipment they found and the less usual pieces grew larger, and their bonuses grew more necessary to continue.

The outfit Susie was complaining about at the moment was the latest in a line of clothes she’d been voicing her displeasure at. In a paradox that would have been amusing if it were present in a game instead of real life, the clothing that granted her the most defence and survivability also appeared the daintiest. This one, a peach-coloured baby romper with a subtle zigzag pattern, was certainly the daintiest yet, only made more so by the pink ribbon pulling her hair out of her eyes and into a small ponytail.

“Sorry,” Kris said, trying to convey past their flat affect that they really were, “but you need the extra defence. That last jigsawry nearly knocked you out, and if it had then the rest of us would’ve gone down too. You need to be able to take more hits.”

Susie growled, clenching her fists around the grip of her new hammer - it squeaked when impacting enemies, but made them tired extremely quickly. “How the hell does that even work? My normal clothes are thicker than this, they should give me better defence!”

“But Susie,” Ralsei said soothingly, “if you’re cuter, darkners won’t hit you as hard.”

“You calling me cute, feather-duster?!”

Ralsei squeaked as Susie gnashed her teeth, taking an unconscious step behind Kris to shield himself. “N-no, of course not, w-who’d call you cute, haha! J-just, um, other people might think that, a-and you are taking more hits the cuter your, um, your clothes are, so...”

After a few more seconds of levelling a murderous glare at Ralsei, Susie deflated slightly, turning a slightly less violent look on Kris. “If you tell anyone I wore this crap, they won’t believe you, and I’ll throw you in the dumpster behind Ice-E’s.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Kris sighed, tugging gently on Ralsei’s arm to get him walking with them as they continued forwards. “Who’d believe me about the Dark World in the first place? And besides, we’re all dealing with this.”

Susie snorted, falling into line behind Kris, on the other side to Ralsei. “Some of us way more than others.”

“Susie’s kind of right, it is strange there isn’t really anything for you in these chests, Kris... maybe we should go back and see if we’ve missed any, it’d be bad if your stats fell too far behind.”

Looking backwards at Ralsei as they walked, Kris conceded the point. While Ralsei’s clothing wasn’t as drastically changed as Susie’s, he was in a shorter robe than he’d started the adventure in, one that somehow looked even fluffier than his original one. It, along with the plastic diaper cover made visible by its short hem, was one of the best items for magic power Kris had found so far, while his new duck-patterned scarf sharply boosted his ability to channel tension points. Yes, it also made him poorly balanced in combat, and the matching mittens he wore made him unable to access his inventory quickly, but it was getting harder and harder to put enemies to sleep, so he’d had to get used to it all.

Kris knew in comparison they’d gotten it easier so far. They wore a silicone chew necklace over their armour which improved their ability to act at the cost of a quiet urge to stim with it, but otherwise all of their armour and weaponry had come from red chests. They were certain they would’ve found equipment if they looked, the same way their teammates’ outfits were clearly intended for them, and while they hadn’t ignored any blue chests they’d actually seen, neither were they keen on going back and searching for any.

They wouldn’t rub salt in Susie’s wounds, but the longer they could go without matching her, the better.

“Going back means more time for us to be worn down by other darkners,” They explained, shaking their head. “It’s better if we keep moving forward and try to find new things instead.”

“Man, stop being right, it’s not fair you get to dodge all this crap,” Susie groused, but kept following them regardless. “I swear, it’s like you’ve got some kind of magic shield stopping anything from-”

“-oh, there’s another chest!”

Ralsei’s call came a minute before they actually reached the chest, before they could even determine which kind it would be. But as it came into focus, no longer obscured by trees, all three of them could see that it was another blue chest, guaranteed to be more powerful - but less convenient - than someone’s current loadout.

Kris took responsibility for opening it, like all the other ones, and like the others they crossed their fingers as they levered the lid open, hoping that nothing too bad would be inside.

Unlike those other times, their luck ran dry.

Susie barked a single, sharp note of laughter when the contents were revealed, though whether at the equipment itself or from how the colour drained from Kris’ face was an open question.

“I don’t actually need to wear this,” Kris said quickly, making what they knew was a cowardly exit. “It won’t make my acts any stronger, and the downsides aren’t worth it like yours-”

“-It’ll make you take as many hits as Susie can, and you’ll always move first in fights,” Ralsei interrupted, kindly but without mercy. Fixing him with their flattest look only made them shrug nervously, clumsily tugging on the brim of their hat. “I-it’s true.”

“What was it you told us, Kris?” Susie clapped one hand on Kris’ shoulder, locking them in place in front of the chest. “Downsides don’t matter if they get us through this place faster, right?”

Forced to stare at their new equipment, robbed of any out they could find, Kris could only mumble, “where do I even start with putting that on?”

“I think I can see how it fits. Susie, if you help me take these mittens off, I think we can sort it out together...”

---

Kris was never going to be able to open a chest again.

As Ralsei neatly folded their previous gear to pack into the next dimensional box they found, Susie started laughing at them all over again, watching their clumsy attempts to stand upright. “Oh, god, this makes it all worth it actually. You look like the world’s worst spaceman!”

“We’re absolutely not talking about this,” Kris forced out in a deadpan, taking their movements even slower, insistent on being able to stand on their own.

On the upside, Ralsei was right; Kris felt sturdier wearing their new equipment, and that strange new sense they’d gotten since arriving in the Dark World said they would in fact move first in every fight. On the downside, that came at the cost of wearing a full-body sleeper with sewn-in mittens and booties.

The bulk of the sleeper was the same night-sky blue as their bodysuit, but there were accent stripes up their outer thighs and along their arms in the hot pink of their original cape, and their extremities were swaddled in the same colour. The sleeper had large pads of foam to replicate the armour they could no longer wear, albeit the cuirass was designed to look more like a sewn-on bib, complete with a childish card suits pattern. The zipper keeping them in ran parallel to their spine, which had required Ralsei to help them into and would certainly require Ralsei to get them out of, since they doubted Susie would cooperate with that.

Somehow making it worse, the sleeper was padded out around their waist, the material there baggy enough to accommodate the thick diaper they wore underneath it. Kris had tried to insist there was no reason to wear that too, but Ralsei had innocently commented on the underwear’s all-stats boost, and after that Susie had refused to let them opt out, which they should have expected.

Finally reaching their feet, Kris’ arms windmilled for a second, trying to find their balance with their gait and centre of gravity so altered. They stood at least an inch shorter just from how bow-legged the diaper made them, and every testing step they took was both insultingly slower and accompanied by a loud rustle, not at all muted by the thick sleeper covering their diaper.

“I mean,” Susie started, words interrupted by yet more laughter, “I’m not gonna tell anyone else, that’d be stupid with what you’ve got on me. But oh man, Kris, you are not hearing the end of this from me any time soon.”

Feeling unwanted colour rise in their cheeks, Kris looked away, hoping for some kind of support from Ralsei. But the goat simply hid his face under his hat, now finished packing their supplies and fumbling with his own mittens. As Susie helped him into them, Kris realised that Susie was now the only member of their party with quick inventory access, or available to help with changing equipment.

“Let’s just. Go. Before this manages to get even more awkward.” Setting a much slower pace, Kris walked - or waddled - onward, uncomfortably bare-handed since their mittens wouldn’t close around the hilt of any weapon.

Maybe that was a blessing, they thought. With how their luck had turned, any new weapon probably would’ve just been a giant rattle.

#really gross stuff #deltaruined #krisp #suzy #kindboy

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